#internalized queerphobia

[vaspider]

Sometimes, when I'm just doing a bit of light TERF blocking to better curate my Tumblr experience, I stumble across a transphobic lesbian on her lil radfem blog writing shit like this:

... and I'm like... oh, you're so close to fucking getting it. So close, and yet so fucking far.

Transphobic gays and lesbians, I hope for your sake that you figure out sooner rather than later that you are not a human being to the people you're allying yourself with. You climbed into the cage with the face-eating leopards, and the only reason the leopard isn't currently eating your face is because it's chewing on ours. They are using you and you are next.

You are just a faggot to them. Just a fucking dyke. You are no different to them than I am. They think you're just as disgusting, just as perverse, just as wrong, and they're only hiding it long enough to play politics of divide-and-conquer. They do not see you as acceptable. You are just the problem they handle after they handle me and mine. You will never be more to them than that, and the only reason they tolerate you at all is because you are currently a useful tool for them.

You cannot protect yourself by licking the boot pressing down on your sibling's neck.

Fucking quislings.

#transphobia #internalized queerphobia #unredated slurs #queer #trans #transgender #lgbtq

[uncanny-tranny]

I definitely went through a "cringy queer" phase of my life as a younger person, but I don't feel nearly as ashamed to have had that phase in my life than when I started suppressing my unabashed queer self out of humiliation and internalized queerphobia because of the negetivity I faced when actually out.

I'm really saddened that the spark I had for my newly-discovered queerness was met with scorn and fear. I'm angry that I felt my only option was not only to start acting like I was "as good as/not cringy like" coshet people, but also to pretend like I could be "a good queer".

To anybody who ever feels shame about having been/being a "cringy queer," you deserve to live authentically to any capacity you deem fit. There is nothing wrong with being unashamed of your queerness in a world that scorns it. Yours is a queerness worth being seen and understood and celebrated. Do not for a moment believe that you deserve to be swept neatly and unceremoniously under the rug.

I hope for all of our sakes that the "cringy" queers are loved fully and without reservations.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #internalized queerphobia #loosely inspired by that one post which ended on 'i hate that there's a type of gay person you hate'

[starrystevie]

it’s a horribly normal sunday afternoon when everything changes between steve and eddie.

they’re in eddie’s van, windows down and hair flying, rays of a new spring sun warming their winter chilled skin as their arms dangle outside the open windows. some band that steve is sure he’s never heard of is playing loudly though the speakers and eddie looks over at steve with a grin.

the sun gives him a halo like it belongs there, the wind in his curls breaking up the beams to make it look like he’s flying, like hermes or apollo or some other greek god steve cant name while he’s enraptured with the view. eddie's smile crooks up, something mischievous, and he reaches down to grab a tape out of his collection.

“you know what we need?” eddie asks and steve holds his tongue to stop from saying something stupid like 'you'.

the music changes and it’s familiar and loud and, oh no. the crooning first notes of 'somebody to love' cuts into his heart in a way he never expected queen to. he feels like he’s bleeding out, watching eddie’s smile shift and change, playful and wide, and it breaks him. his face crumbles and morphs into something mean, trying to protect the remnants of his guard from crumbling along with it like ancient remains.

"turn that shit off." and steve’s always been a bit of a bitch, eager to fight with bared teeth and bleeding knuckles, but it's never been towards eddie. eddie with his halo of sun and eyes full of warmth and that smile that makes steve feel like he can fly. "now."

eddie scrambles. his hand darts out and fiddles with the volume knob, his smile cracking along the edges and getting soft and worried and steve is made only of anger, boiling over in a tirade. he keeps talking, barely processing what he's saying, but he sees it hurt eddie and that feels right and so fucking wrong all at the same time.

"who told you," he seethes out, hisses through his teeth like a goddamn snake. "it's all just a rumor so don't think for one second that it's true-''

the only person steve has even told is robin, one drunken night with their friends jack and captain morgan, secrets spilling out from them faster than they can make a new drink. he let it slip that he likes queen, relates to queen, and robin cocked her head in that sickeningly endearing way she does, cartoon lightbulb clicking on above her head.

"steve," she whispered, hand reaching out to cover his knee. it was a moment of surprising sobriety when their eyes met and steve felt something click into place for him, too.

"it's okay to be like freddie, right?" his voice was soft, broken and strained, watery smile covering up what little vulnerability he had left.

they danced until sunrise with queen blasting through the way too extravagant speaker system in the living room, screaming lyrics about not wanting to be born at all and asking for someone to find them somebody. they fell into a pile all breathless and dizzy and the relief that flooded steve's system was enough that he could drift into a deep sleep for the first time in a long time.

but now that memory feels tainted, destroyed, because he only told robin and that means she must have told eddie about being like freddie because no one else knew and he thought that robin was the one person he could trust but that seems not real anymore but it's robin and that is the only person who has stuck around but now there's eddie in the back of his mind grinning and that bleeds into him laughing which bleeds into him laughing at steve, turning on a song to let him know he's laughing at him for being like freddie, for being wrong, being wrong, being wrong-

"steve..."

"-it's not even true, anyone can like queen without being a fucking queer, you know? plenty of people like them and are happily married with their 2.5 kids and a goddamn picket fence-"

steve's still ranting when eddie pulls to the side of the road, gravel crunching under the tires, eyes soft and careful as they look over steve. his face feels hot and pinched with his vision blurred from unshed tears that he'll be damned to let fall. his hands are flying around aimlessly in the air as he spits out lie after lie, watching eddie sit and take it unflinchingly.

"steve," he says after a minute of listening, a gentle hand on his knee that steve wants to throw off of him, eager for something tangible to destroy. "stop for a second, please."

he wishes he could but his brain won't let him, so he pauses for a second and catches his breath before starting again and ignoring the way eddie rolls his eyes in disappointment. he rants and he vents and hurls harsh word after word until he can see that eddie's had enough. he wants to keep going, yelling until his throat is as raw as his heart feels, but there are arms wrapping around him and holding him intact so he doesn't fall apart all over the floormats.

"you're okay," steve registers what eddie's saying after a beat or two. he's whispering low into his ear in a repetitive mantra, over and over and over. "you're okay, it's okay. breathe."

it's only after they're both breathing normally that he pulls away.

"what was that about," eddie asks, and it's not accusatory but steve can't help but shy away from the easy way he's looking at him. the tears he had been so good about holding back fall down his cheeks, disloyal soldiers admitting defeat.

"i just-," he breathes out as he keeps his eyes trained to the gear shift. "i thought you knew something about... me."

he hears eddie sigh and steve latches onto it like it's a ray of sun in and of itself. "i know a lot of things about you, steve."

"yeah, but you can't know this one. not yet"

there's fingers tangling into his own and they feel nothing like nancy's or robin's or tracy's or melissa's or heather's and he relishes the calluses that bump into his own. steve doesn't want to look up, he can't look up, but he's a vine and eddie's the sun and he has to face him like it's his life's purpose to do so.

the halo is back around eddie's head again when he finally looks.

"i can wait, if you want me to."

#surprise i'm back from my vacay with angsty steve even though i most definitely should be catching up on my work #i can't be blamed or this it's solely because i listened to somebody to love yesterday #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie ficlet #steddie drabble #steddie headcanon #my writing #steddie angst #internalized queerphobia

[cotidianoseeder]

My mental state now.

#positivity #transgender #trans christian #trans positivity #positive #internalized homophobia #internalized queerphobia #religious trauma #lgbtq #relatable memes #trans memes #lgbt christian #i need therapy #tw religious themes #anxitey

[twinkpeaked]

tips on how to get over the “you’re not trans ur just faking it” and not seeing a guy when you look in the mirror even with gender affirming hair and a binder

and when you misgender yourself because everyone around you is simply doing it

and simply wanting to shut up forever because no matter how long you’ve been training your voice it’ll never drop down as a cis man’s

#transmasc #transgender #trans pride #ftm t4t #ftm #trans boy #tboy #internalized queerphobia #transmaculine #trans male #trans masc #trans man

[feminist-fog]

The person from Prager U’s new propaganda film that is being advertised on youtube admits they still feel dysphoric.

I would be mad at them for spreading transphobia but I can’t help feel sorry for them. They were clearly abused and forced deep into the closet through trauma.

I hope in the future they are able to break free and be their true self instead of what conservatives force them to be.

The way they talk about themself is so heartbreaking. I remember back when I forced myself to be cis I felt the same depression.

#feminism #feminist #trans inclusive feminism #transphobia #internalized queerphobia #internalized transphobia #detrans mention

[magnum-oopsies]

there is a fujoshi to gay trans masc pipeline and I have seen multiple people go through that

sometimes yaoi can help people destroy their internalized queerphobia

#transgender #trans masc #fujoshi #internalized queerphobia #how do I tag this?

[ro-sham-no]

Transfemme dean your beloved, you say?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55091809

- schizosamwinchester

"Dean had found some shred of himself in his father’s bed, but that Dean had died right along with him."

holy FUCK this is incredible. you've done it, you've captured The Thing.

i love the way you captured dean's internal conflict, especially about how other queer people see right through him (her?). i feel like being seen is one of dean's biggest fears, in general, but especially so for any sort of perception that shows him as weak or "less-than" in a way he doesn't intend.

that fear, to me, is a huge part of why he plays up the whole machismo act, just like you've written about here. he plays up the machismo-ness, but also his overall slob/player demeanor, which is just such a huge flag for "hate me about THIS, not that other thing that you definitely don't know about."

but i really, really love that he just can't fucking hide it. even sam sees it, "well, you are kind of butch. they probably think you're overcompensating." he is a queer, and just his existence, the composition of his skin, screams it out to every person he meets and i lovvve thattt

and then, in the end, having that identity be SO entwined with his dad and how he could be something like a woman but only in his father's bed, that when john dies, all dean has left is being john's eldest son, being sammy's older brother? so, so good!!

#dean using every slur in the book for him/herself is SOOOO precious to me #thanks for sending me this!! #( #spn #transfem dean winchester #transchesters #dean winchester #slurs #transphobic language #internalized queerphobia #deanjohn #)

[heart-of-poetry]

Reminiscing on my “coming out.” I was so scared. So small, so shaky. So, so scared for so long. It had been over a year of sexuality related anxiety and OCD taking over my life. It almost drove me to take my life. I didn’t want to be who I knew I was that much. Finally…one day, I got the courage to tell someone. I told my sister. I really said it, I said the words “I’m gay” out loud. I did it. It felt like a relief. I was still terrified and shaky, but I was glad to have another person to hold this with me. And then…that same night my sister outed me to my entire family. She didn’t mean to hurt me. I found out that she had been cutting herself, so I told my mom for her safety. In an effort to take my moms attention off of her cutting, she outed me. In front of her friends and my mothers friends. It hurt me so much because this meant that she viewed being gay as something so bad and horrible that it could top her harming herself. I remember getting that text from my mom, feeling my heart drop out of my chest, feeling my throat tighten up. “____ is saying that you’re a lesbian. Is that true?” my mom texted me. She sounded so accusatory, like she was hoping my sister was lying. When they returned to the house, they looked at me differently. They acted nervous and unsure around me. Like I was some caged animal that could break out at any moment. I will never forget that night. It took me so long and it took so much courage for me to tell my sister, and I needed her support because I didn’t have it in me to give it to myself. But she didn’t give me that. She took my chance to come out on my own terms away from me. And she made it more dangerous for me. My family already treated me differently than my other siblings, but this pushed them over the edge. It was just another thing to other me, to separate me from others. I really understand the pain she was in and the reasoning behind her doing it, but I can’t forgive that. She took something from me that can’t ever be given back.

#wlw #wlw yearning #wlw community #wlw art #wlw post #queer history #queer politics #queer issues #queer pride #queer community #queer writers #coming out #internalized homophobia #internalized queerphobia #internalized shame #shame #ashamed

[ariazureyt]

Our Flag Means Death made me realize I’m Bi

TLDR: The gay pirates show made me realize I’ve been in denial about being bi

I (26F) came into the show completely blind only knowing the basic premise, and that there were some queer characters.

Even though I knew the show has queer characters, Ed and Stede falling in love never occurred to me at all. All of the hints to Stede and Ed’s relationship in Season 1 were completely lost on me. Ed watching over Stede while he recovers, changing clothes, “you wear fine things well,” the treasure hunt, Lucius saying “this is happening,” their boots touching, and Stede jealous of Calico Jack. All of that whooshed past me.

I simply saw season 1 as Ed and Stede becoming a platonic friend odd couple. I had to watch memes and TikToks to realize that they were flirting with each other throughout season 1. I feel so embarrassed that I didn’t notice what everyone else was seeing.

I was feeling like Stede when he called himself a “terrible pirate” after surviving getting stabbed and hanged by the Spaniards. I was feeling like I can’t be queer if I couldn’t notice that Ed and Stede liked each other.

But after I thought about it, I figured out that I was blocking out the scenes of them flirting with each other. I rejected thinking about Ed and Stede’s relationship like I’ve been doing with my own sexuality. I didn’t want to think about myself being queer, so I didn’t think about Stede and Ed being queer. Even when I knew that the show is gay, I still mentally blocked out any gay-coded scenes.

My initial viewing of the show made me realize that I was in denial about my own sexuality. I figured out that I was bi a couple years ago when I found a female cashier physically attractive, and I started flirting with her. But I second guessed myself. I thought that if I was bi, I would’ve figured it out as a teen. And even if I was, it doesn’t change anything in my life.

Watching the series caused me to confront my own sexuality like Ed and Stede. A part of me knows that I’m bi, but the other part doesn’t want to think about it. Ed wants to be Ed, but Blackbeard is all he knows. It’s easier to be Blackbeard. It’s easier to see myself as straight.

When I read AO3 fanfics, I’ve alway preferred same-sex pairings ie: Leon/Krauser (Resident Evil) or Guillermo/Nandor (What We Do in the Shadows). But when I write my own short stories, I default to my characters being straight and cis. I’ve always consumed queer media, but I could never bring myself to make my own queer work.

Watching OFMD made me realize my own unresolved internalized biphobia. Last year, I googled “internalized biphobia” after finishing my rewatch of the series and I ticked off almost every box. I thought I wasn’t bi, because I’m married to a cis man and have only ever dated men. I thought that I can’t celebrate pride month since I’m not dating another woman. I didn’t want to be bi. I didn’t want to think about all of the girls I found attractive but never acted on. I didn’t want to regret not realizing I’m bi. Just like Ed in denial about being heartbroken over Stede.

Relating to Ed and Stede scared me. How could I relate to gay pirates realizing that they’re gay?

I appreciate that the show was able to bring out my unresolved feelings. Being homophobic to myself is a hard thing to admit. I hope to one day be comfortable with myself and my sexuality. But for now, I’ll just write this:

I’m Ari, and I’m Bisexual! 🏳️‍🌈

#our flag means death #our flag means gay #OFMD #ofmd s2 #ed and stede #stede bonnet #ofmd stede #blackbeard x stede #blackbeard #black beard #taika waititi #rhys darby #bisexual #coming out #biphobia #internalized homophobia #internalized queerphobia

[intersexfairy]

i feel like im the wrong kind of queer person, especially as a trans/nonbinary person. for being a man and liking men. for being intersex and assigned female *twice*. for being multigender and bisexual. i just feel like. a freak who doesn't matter.

and i. i wouldnt think that of others like me. i dont say this to tear you all down, i just really hate myself.

#julian rants #internalized queerphobia

[jaydenchip404]

I don’t know what’s going on with me. Just this very intense bad feeling about myself. The dysphoria has nothing to do with my body like it usually does, but more of what’s going on inside my head. Maybe I’m not queer, maybe I’m just masking, ya know, pretending to be something I’m not.

#internalized queerphobia #MOGAI #Queer #LGBTQIA+ #LGBTQIA #LGBTQ #LGBTQ+ #LGBT #LGBT+ #LGBTQQIA #2SLGBTQ+ #LGBT2SQQIA #GLBT #QUILTBAG

[transenbyconfessions]

Tw internalized transphobia/homophobia/queerphobia etc.

I am young (13-16), thin, white, American, AFAB, able-bodied. I’m like the world’s view of the people faking it for attention.

I feel like maybe I’m faking it just to feel like I have someone to fit in with. I can’t even identify with any label, so it feels like I just picked up a ring and put it on. I don’t know where it came from, I don’t know who else wore it, I don’t even know what it’s made of. I just put it on and never took it off because at this point it’s too small for my hand and at this point it’s easier to just leave it on.

I don’t even know if I am trans, or queer. If anyone asks I just laugh and say something I think they’ll understand (Bi, Gay, Trans, Enby, Genderfluid, etc.) I’ve put so many labels on myself that aren’t right, and I feel bad any time I do. But I haven’t found the right one. When talking to other LGBTQ people I just say “Queer” but I don’t even know if that’s true anymore. -📺

Submitted June 11, 2023

#transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #internalized transphobia #impostor syndrome #questioning #internalized queerphobia

[casspalmer]

gay people can be homophobic. trans people can be transphobic. queer people of every shape and color and orientation can 100% be harming their own community and "but they're also queer" does not excuse that behavior.

should we acknowledge the fact that bigotry can be beat into someone at a young age? yes. we absolutely should. but we should also acknowledge the fact that it still doesn't excuse that person's behavior.

at a certain point you do become responsible for your behavior. I'm not just talking about TERFs who happen to be gay or lesbian. I'm talking about people who directly oppose and harm people who are their community.

I'm talking about Blaire White. I'm talking about Log Cabin Republicans. I'm talking about anyone who hides their bigotry behind the veil of a queer identity or "allyship."

as someone who used to be that person, who used to hide behind excuses and explanations for hateful and uneducated opinions, stop acting as though someone's queer identity automatically means that their bigoted bullshit is okay.

#lgbtqia #queer #homophobia #transphobes #gender critical #terfs #blaire white #queerphobia #bigotry #leftist #internalized homophobia #internalized queerphobia #listen I fucking get it #I've been in therapy for years and I still have some of that shit in my head #but also it's my goddamn responsibility to face that #and the fact that it led to self-hatred as well as hating others does not excuse any of my previous beliefs/behaviors

[where-our-stories-start]

#a league of their own #a league of their own (2022) #parallels #lgbtq #gay #lesbian #transgender #this queer story i swear #homophobia #transphobia #internalized queerphobia #maxine chapman #max chapman #bert chapman #carson shaw #greta gill

[trudemaethien]

Last Line Challenge

Rules: In a new post, show the last line you wrote and tag as many people as there are words (or as many as you feel like).

Got tagged again by @imrowanartist and this is a meme that it’s really fun to get tagged in over and over again, so thank you!

“Thank you for bringing me back,” he said. He thought about kissing [the merman], and grew shy. Instead he hummed a little in his throat, and, remembering a bit of song that seemed apt, sang a couple lines.

(currently trying to come up with a snatch of song for this, and the rabbit hole im in is period-appropriate hymns, but which out of context could be a little bit gay Because I Am Just Like This, lmfao)

it’s from…not any of my usual wips because I started writing this original fic the other day on a whim and am having a great time with it. I also haven’t settled on a good name for my merman yet.

tagging: @the-bees-patella @mandalorianbrainweasel @elthadriel @ionfusionpunk @chemicaljude @valkeakuulas @marbled-polecat @cacodaemonia (because i thought yall might enjoy the bit of mer fic, and also wanna be nosy about what ur writing if u want to share)

#last line wip #original fiction #my ocs my beloved #merman/human #reverse siren sorta #internalized queerphobia