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#instead we have the 'we just getting started' like 10 times
icypopz · 1 day
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bathing with them ♡
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↬ request from anons ; Hiiii may I pls request the love and deepspace boys with a reader who loves taking baths with them??
↬ notes ; rafayel, xavier, zayne x gn!reader
↬ from ice ; ice active era?! jk we all know i'm lying atp HAHAHA but here's my annual post which is also my first post for LADS :> i changed the prompt a bit but i hope u enjoy !
↬ warning(s) ; tiny spoilers for rafayel's backstory, xavier's is like microscopically suggestive
please reblog ! it helps a lot :)
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[ rafayel ! ]
rafayel absolutely adores taking baths with you, even though he loves to tease you about being too clingy (he's actually the clingy one, but he'll never admit it for the world). he loves just chilling in the bathtub with you, especially on winter nights where he'll pull you closer in the hot water, complaining that "i need more warmth! protect me from the cold, miss bodyguard!"
he would get playfully annoyed when you joke about wanting to see his mermaid tail when he gets into the bathtub, scolding you about how lemurians also have powers to lure humans in and he'll be doing that to you if you don't get in the bath with him "right now!" also rafayel doesn't really like rubber ducks, he says it's weird that humans like to put toys like that in the water when they could just go swim in a lake if they wanted to see ducks. but! he does love bubble baths, he loves to put the bubbles in your hair, and when you make a beard for him with the foam, he finds it the cutest ever.
rafayel definitely has like several hundred bottles of soap, shampoo and conditioner in varying scents, claiming that their fragrance was so inspiring he just had to buy all of them. (the truth is, he wasn't sure which one you'd like so he just bought everything.) it's really helpful for when you stay over at his place though, you don't have to worry about packing a vanity case because he keeps everything ready for you, from your favourite toothpaste to a spare toothbrush. he also loves seeing you wrapped up in a towel, he thinks you look so adorable.
more content utc !
[ xavier ! ]
xavier isn't picky, he doesn't mind using either a bathtub or a shower, but after you visit him a couple of times, you definitely tell him he should use the shower instead. he always ends up falling asleep while he's soaking in the bathtub! he definitely loves showering with you though, he'll always do stuff like scrub your back or help comb through your tangled hair without you needing to ask. but it's almost impossible for both of you to bathe quickly, because you always end up getting distracted. who can you blame you though? it's not your fault xavier is so muscled from all his training!
xavier is the type who showers in freezing cold water, but he's willing to compromise if you don't like that. he ends up realising that hot water is more fun because he gets to write silly messages and draw hearts for you on the glass since it gets fogged up from the steam. also xavier's brain would totally crash the first time he showered with you, it would be that one tender night card all over again except better LOL. he's just that obsessed with you, you're the prettiest person with the best personality he's ever seen!
xavier would be one of those guys that has like the '10-IN-1! SHAMPOO, CONDITIONER, SOAP!' soap bottles. it's not that he isn't bothered about hygiene, he just finds it a lot simpler to use one single bottle for everything, and it evidently works for him since his skin is so clear and his hair is so fluffy. but ever since you've started staying over, xavier takes note of your favourite soaps and stocks up on them (especially after you tease him for that pitiful bottle of soap in his bathroom - he's the type to squeeze out every single last drop of soap from the tube so the bottle definitely looks like it has been through The Horrors).
[ zayne ! ]
zayne would usually prefer showering over bathing usually, because he's used to maximising time for work in his schedule, so he likes everything in his personal life to be extremely efficient. but once he starts dating you, that does kind of change. on days where he doesn't have to rush into work for urgent cases, or nights after a hectic day, he enjoys relaxing with you in the bathtub - it's a little slice of heaven for him to have you pressed up against him in the warm water.
zayne likes using his evol to tease you while you're showering. though he isn't usually a playful person and his humour is quite dry, the intimacy of being in such close proximity to him makes him act up a little LOL. so when you ask him to soap your back or anything like that, he'll purposely make his fingertips cold so you shiver when he touches you. "zayne!" you'll scold him, and he'll just let out a soft chuckle before doing what you actually asked him to.
zayne would just have the bare minimum essentials in his bathroom, but i also think he would be the type to buy in bulk so he only has to go out shopping once in a while. this way, when his soap runs out he can just get a new bottle from his cupboard. he likes going into his bathroom and seeing little traces of you all over the room, like your toothbrush in his cup or your favourite soap on his shelf - it makes him happy because it's like a reminder of you even when you aren't there.
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✧ thank you for reading ! if you have a request, feel free to send it in 🌠
© icypopz 2024. do not repost or modify in any way.
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fastandcarlos · 1 day
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Wholesome Weekends : ̗̀➛ Alex Albon
summary: a rare weekend away brings some quality time for alex and y/n to make a few more memories
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liked by alex_albon, logansargeant and 90,486 others
ynusername: making the most of the next few days with you, can’t wait to have you to myself for the whole weekend ❤️
8,391 comments
alex_albon: can’t wait to spend every day waking up next to you
username1: my heart can’t take how cute these two are
username2: do we get to see alex’s pov of photo 1??
logansargeant: can’t wait to hear all about your trip ☺️
landonorris: can you stop making all us single people feel even more lonely please
ynusername: @/landonorris maybe one day you’ll find your own alex albon too 😂
username3: can’t wait for the spam to start
username4: have you ever seen a guy more in love 🤔
carmenmmundt: promise to compare trip notes in miami next week?
ynusername: @/carmenmmundt yessssss! hope you and george have the best time 🩷
username5: we want to hear all about the trip too!
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liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 483,300 others
alex_albon: adventuring with my girl…could life get any better? ✈️
48,102 comments
landonorris: you could be adventuring with me instead 🤷🏻
alex_albon: @/landonorris my question was if life could get better, not worse 😂
username6: lando forever getting rinsed as the single friend lmao
username7: if you’re ever looking for a third wheel…I’m here 👋🏻
ynusername: i definitely don’t think my life could get any better my love 🥰
alex_albon: @/ynusername ❤️❤️❤️❤️
oscarpiastri: don’t forget to visit that cafe I suggested!
username8: oh to fly anywhere in the world with alex albon 🫠
username9: y/n forever getting those perfect boyfriend angles of alex
danielricciardo: these photos are almost alex.jpg worthy bro
alex_albon: @/danielricciardo inspired by the best 😂
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liked by maxverstappen1, lance_stroll and 738,595 others
alex_albon: first things first, a quick pit stop to visit our babies 🥺🩷
78,499 comments
maxverstappen1: now this is my kinda content!!
username10: alex + cats = the perfect photo
username11: I want to be held just like how alex holds his babies
oscarpiastri: you look happier to see the cats then they do you 😂
alex_albon: @/oscarpiastri they were just posing for the camera 📸
username12: I love how they still prioritise the cats and shower them with so much love
ynusername: I didn’t want to move with all their cuddles 😭
username13: can you adopt me like you adopt all your fur babies??
estebanocon: how have you never introduced me to these cuties before 😣
username14: okay but who has cuter cats…max or alex?
alex_albon: @/username14 🙋🏽🙋🏽🙋🏽
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liked by pierregasly, carmenmmundt and 103,853 others
ynusername: I’d let you take me anywhere as long as I’m with you ☺️
22,939 comments
landonorris: eurgh enough with the soppy posts now
ynusername: @/landonorris you’ve got a whole weekend of this to enjoy my friend ☺️
username15: the holding hands, I repeat, the holding hands
alex_albon: the feeling is mutual babe 💕
username16: idek which of those photos has the better view
logansargeant: two hands on the wheel at all times, did you learn nothing from your driving instructor??
alex_albon: @/logansargeant you saw nothing, my hands are on 10 and 2 always 😂
username17: not logan scolding alex like he’s the perfect driver
username18: ultimate passenger princess mode activated
charles_leclerc: how come you’ve never offered to drive me around like this?
alex_albon: @/charles_leclerc I’ll hold your hand whenever you want sweet cheeks
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liked by charles_leclerc, georgerussell63 and 628,940 others
alex_albon: exploring with my favourite is an exhausting job but I wouldn’t have it any other way 🥰
63,493 comments
username19: pls lord let me have a boyfriend as sweet as alex
danielricciardo: you’re giving us high performing athletes a bad name sitting down on the job 😂
alex_albon: @/danielricciardo ever been a walk with y/n before?? she’s like a machine 😅
username20: I never want this weekend of photos to end
username21: y/n are you willing to loan alex out to a single gal pls?
pierregasly: damn make sure you get those leg muscles flexing brother
logansargeant: don’t let the boss see you sat down and relaxing 😉
alex_albon: @/logansargeant this is harder work than anything we do I swear
username22: they’re just everything
username23: these photos are making my heart so happy
ynusername: hurry up and catch up with me loser rather than posting on instagram 🏃🏻‍♀️
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liked by logansargeant, landonorris and 93,504 others
ynusername: to anyone from williams looking at our weekend, I promise I’m still working him hard 💪🏻
9,408 comments
username24: you’re not convincing anyone y/n 😂
username25: poor alex never truly gets a day off
landonorris: what exercises were you doing? a lot of staring I imagine
ynusername: @/landonorris mind your damn business 🤫
username26: who knew gym alex was so attractive 😅
username27: if you ever need a workout buddy alex, I’ll sign up for free
alex_albon: best workout partner ever 🤩
maxverstappen1: true dedication to the job there buddy
carmenmmundt: george had me in the gym this morning too 😅 the perks of dating an f1 driver
ynusername: @/carmenmmundt usually I’d complain…but the sights I got to see this morning were pretty cool 🫠
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liked by logansargeant, carlossainz55 and 548,605 others
alex_albon: like any good weekend plenty of food has been demolished ❤️
47,963 comments
ynusername: as handsome as you are…that food was something else ☺️
alex_albon: @/ynusername agreed!! thanks @/oscarpiastri for the recommendation
oscarpiastri: @/alex_albon I knew you guys would love it
username28: now that’s the smile of a guy who knows his food
username29: how is everyone sleeping how cute y/n looks in that photo
lance_stroll: wherever this is dude you need to tell me!
charles_leclerc: you gonna make weight in miami after consuming that?? 😂
alex_albon: @/charles_leclerc honestly its touch and go
username30: I love how much of a foodie alex is…a guy after my own heart
yukitsunoda0511: I still need to cook for you guys! I’ll show you a proper meal
alex_albon: @/yukitsunoda0511 that’s an offer that I could never say no to 😂
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liked by alex_albon, danielricciardo and 78,390 others
ynusername: sun, sea and 🤫, the perfect end to the perfect weekend ☺️💕
29,503 comments
danielricciardo: now that’s my kinda caption 😂
username31: y/n wtf I thought you were better than this
landonorris: I really hope you’re not implying what I think you’re implying
username32: farewell to y/n’s pg era
yukitsunoda0511: someone might have to fill me in here 😣
username33: @/yukitsunoda0511 no don’t let anyone take your adorable innocence from you
alex_albon: thank you for the most incredible weekend bub 💕
alex_albon: ps thank you for making my back look insane in all these photos 🔥
ynusername: @/alex_albon I did nothing…you can thank my handsome model 🥰
username34: how can two people be so beautiful
iamrebeccad: my girl you are looking insane 🔥
logansargeant: nice to see all that time in the gym paying off 😂
username35: @/logansargeant doesn’t sound like they’re just working out in the gym either
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liked by oscarpiastri, alexandrasaintmleux and 179,493 others
ynusername: and it all got too much for little alex albon 💤
37,592 comments
georgerussell63: hahahahahah y/n you’re the best!!
oscarpiastri: and the award for best caption goes to…
username36: not y/n exposing herself for watching f1 memes 😂
landonorris: why you gotta do me dirty like this 💔
ynusername: @/landonorris stop being a walking meme then loser
alex_albon: thank you for making sure you capture all my flattering angles 😂🩷
ynusername: @/alex_albon 🫡🫡🫡
logansargeant: idk which I prefer the photos or the caption
username37: this is hands down my fave photo from the weekend
username38: y/n and alex forever making lando feel single is the best
danielricciardo: y/n stop! you’re coming across funnier than me 🥺
ynusername: @/danielricciardo I could never steal your crown king 👑
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˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
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astralis-ortus · 2 days
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thunders of rage
✱ boyfriend!bc x gn!reader
— even through the worst days, you're still my priority.
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w.count → 1.1k genre → fluff, comfort warning → mild cussing, reader had a bad day and lashes out at chan :(, one time jump, kissies, chan referred to as chris, reader referred to as baby and babe a.n → based on this request! tysm for requesting♡
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the word terrible doesn’t even cover the magnitude of bad luck you’ve been facing for the past 10 hours.
from waking up late for work, buses not operating due to a strike and causing the subway being jam-packed, getting absolutely roasted by your supervisor for someone else’s mishap, having your work ruined by a coworker, to barely surviving the somehow never-ending rush hour while running only on a single piece of toast you had in the morning—you’re absolutely in no condition to socialize, even for the slightest bit.
“hey, babe,” your boyfriend’s cheery voice was the first thing you heard as soon as you stepped inside your shared apartment. noises coming out from the speaker on your living room were the thing you noticed next—and you swear you’re so close to losing your sanity.
“how was your day? i saw you barely ate your breakfast when i got back from the gym. are you okay?” oblivious to your nonexistent reply, chris had his eyes glued to the game while he continued to talk. “i haven’t decided what to make for dinner, by the way. do you—”
“can you decide that on your own?” you finally cut your boyfriend off, tone of your voice catching chris off guard. you’re not one to speak sharply—you know it might offend the other party even when you didn’t mean to, and chris knew that about you.
so when he heard that tone being used against him, chris knew something is absolutely wrong.
“let’s get ice cream, then?” chris immediately paused his game and shifted his focus onto you. he sees it now—the seemingly permanent subtle frown on your forehead, the nonexistent glint on the reflection of your eyes, the messy bun on top of your head.
something stresses you out. bad.
“sure.”
chris watched your exhausted trudge head towards the kitchen and grab a glass of water, contemplating the best course of action to get grumpy you to cheer up even just for a little. “and some pizza? or some dimsum? while we wait i’ll run a bath—”
“goddammit, chris!” the loud sound of cup slamming on the countertop startled chris out of his sentence, eyes wide when confusion, irritation, and hurt started to mix in his chest. “i just told you to decide it on your own! stop bothering me! do i need to make every decision for you? god!”
the room fell silent as chris tried to digest the words you aimed at him—but it felt like his head was on static. it only took him a second to get up and grab a hoodie, suppressing any reaction his instinct was telling him to do before he said something he would regret.
“i’m gonna go cool off,” chris quietly said as he headed towards the door, momentarily stopping to look at your tense back. he desperately wanted to stay—but he knows you needed time to be on your own.
“you should cool off too.”
and with that, chris left.
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it’s been nearly two hours since chris left, and after a cup of warm tea and a long bath later, guilt finally caught you up in its tight grip.
you knew what you did towards chris was wrong—chris was simply trying to make sure he’s getting something you like because he knows only then your mood would seem to improve, but instead, all you did was accuse him of trying to bother you.
thoughts ran through your head while you stare at your boyfriend’s phone number, thumb hovering over the green button as you try to piece an apology in your head. you’re genuinely worried—it’s getting later in the night, and you still haven’t heard even a single peep from chris. you can’t help but feel worried.
but just as you were about to press the call button, your ears finally picked up the sound of your front door cracking open—chris is home.
“baby, i’m ho—”
chris stopped in his tracks as he felt warmth suddenly enveloping him—you’re hugging him tight, face buried on the span of his chest.
“i’m sorry,” you quickly whispered, barely allowing him time to process what happened within the span of 5 seconds. “i was wrong. i shouldn’t have acted like that. i just really had a terrible day, and—”
“hey, hey, hey,” chris couldn’t help but chuckle, finally wrapping his arm around you after he finally set down the plastic bags on the countertop nearby. “breathe, baby. slow down. you’re okay.”
peering up at chris, your guilt only seemed to dig its claws deeper when you saw his dimpled smile, beautiful eyes gazing right at you even after the sharp words you threw at him.
you felt like crap.
“i’m really sorry,” you croaked another apology, now near tears with the tip of your lips turned down. “i really acted like an ass back there but you still became the bigger person between us. i would’ve understood if you shouted at me, but—”
“baby,” chris shook his head as he gently cradled your face, pads of his thumbs running softly against your cheeks, “i would never forgive myself if i ever raised my voice at you, even during a fight. you’re my girlfriend—you’re someone i need to protect, and that’s what i’ll always try to do.”
the way chris loves you never fails to render you speechless.
some might say you’re the bigger romantic between the two of you—date plans, endless whispers of ‘i love you’s, constantly wrapping yourself around his arm. it’s all what people would see; but you know the nights chris would pull you closer when he notices your tossing and turning, allowing you to settle to the rhythm of his heartbeat. you know the days when he would buy you a single stem of the prettiest sunflower or the loveliest bloom of rose, all because you said you’ve always liked flowers but never the huge bouquet. you know how he would always walk on the side nearest to the road, and the way his arm never left the curve of your waist.
you know the subtle ways he remembers—his ways of saying i love you, and you would never change that for anything in the world.
“kiss me.”
a chuckle rumbles in chris’ chest to your request, beautiful twinkle in his eyes turning you warm and fuzzy. he then gently tipped your chin, whispering a soft ‘i love you’ as he brought his lips onto yours, relishing in the way swarms of butterflies burst under your feverish skin.
©️ astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡
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xonavia · 3 days
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✮ - Thinking about Kuroo, who has no clue how to flirt with you, so he instead tries to use science pickup lines (which ends horribly)
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You had first met him through Kenma, which was surprising, but you formed a mutual connection when he saw you playing a video game at lunch. It wasn't long after when you met his best friend, but the first time that the dark haired captain ever laid eyes on you he knew that he wanted to be with you, it also helped that you were already friends with his best friend (Which probably contributed to him liking you in the first place). You soon learned that Kuroo was quite a bit of a science nerd, especially after hearing him say things like "docosahexaenoic acid", you always question on what he was talking about but never actually said anything, mostly because it wasn't directed at you, well until one day. It seemed to start off normal, in the morning you had a quick conversation with Kenma, maybe asking him about something in a game, or asking him about what he did that night, only to be interrupted when Kuroo came over, which was a little weird as he normally didn't say anything to the two of you until lunch. "Let’s be lab partners, I would love to try some experiments with you, especially in the biology department~." Kenma could only roll his eyes, and look over towards you, who was quite confused, before realizing what he said. "Oh sure! I mean I wasn't the best in Bio when I took it so it couldn't help to get more practice on it, especially since you're really good at science! Or so I've heard from Kenma!" Well.. He thought you understood, sadly you just thought he was trying to get your grade up, but before Kuroo could go back and try to explain what he meant the bell rang and you grabbed your bag from beside Kenma and hurried off to your first period. Kenma could only offer him a small pat on the back when his friend sighed. It wasn't until later during lunch that you saw the duo again. This time Kuroo was so sure that you were gonna get his pickup line, and Kenma was already placing a bet with Yaku that you were gonna be confused by it, once again. He shook off his nerves before walking up to you with his signature smirk. "Hey (Name), Is it just disproportionate gravitational force or are your eyes just a Great Attractor~?" You looked at him for a second, the words trying to process in your head before you looked deep in thought for a second before smiling and turning towards him. "I think that was a compliment so thanks! But I have no clue what you just said!" Kenma could only chuckle in the background knowing he was gonna be 10 dollars richer by the end of the day, all while Kuroo could only let out a groan. Well at least he was one step closer by finally getting you to understand that he was trying to compliment you. Though maybe science puns weren't the way to go about it..
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OMG This is my first fic for the Haikyuu fandom, and all because I almost started crying at the end of the dumpster battle movie yesterday (The only reason I didn't was because I had to drive myself home, and I wanted to make sure I could see the road 😭) Also as I science nerd myself I loved this more than I can say and science nerd Kuroo is one of my favorite things on the entire planet<33 (Also the movie was so so so great, and the best part was the fact there was only me and my two friends in the whole theater, we love that for us!! Totally making them go see Episode Nagi when it comes out though-)
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heavyhitterheaux · 19 hours
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Touch Me, Tease Me (NSFW)
First Lady of Private Garden Fic
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AN: Pure filth with a sprinkle of fluff 🥰
Synopsis: One thing that you can always do is help Jack relax and turn his bad mood around
Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader
Do not engage if underage
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
The time on your phone read 10:26 PM as you heard the front door open letting you know that your husband was back.
Urban had sent you a text about 45 minutes ago telling you that Jack was in a mood, but he couldn't figure out why and as much as he tried to get it out of him he couldn't. So, his next best option was to tell you in the hopes that you could get to the bottom of what was wrong and make him feel better. 
The bedroom door was open and Jack didn't even greet you as he walked in despite you speaking to him first.
“Hey babe.”
Instead, he simply slipped off his New Balances and laid on top of you with you letting out a yelp because you weren't expecting him to do so.
His head was on your chest as you wrapped your arms around him and he hugged you tighter.
“Hmm, smush? You wanna talk about it?” You asked him and he immediately shook his head no.
“Now you know we don't do that around here. We talk about how we're feeling so it doesn't cause a shitstorm later.” You said as you started playing in his hair.
Jack lifted his head to peek at you and you simply kissed his nose while giving him a small smile.
“So spill It.”
“I just missed my wife. I didn't want to do anything today.” He finally confessed as you pinched his cheek.
“You're so cute, but you're back now so you need to relax. Did you eat?”
“Yes. Urban made me.”
You made a note in the back of your mind to text him and thank him because knowing Jack and how busy he tends to get, it wouldn't be unlike him to forget to eat.
“Good and you aren't doing anything tomorrow so you can sleep.”
“Baby, we have six kids. What is sleep?” He asked while raising an eyebrow at you. 
“I… well I'll text Clay to see if he can take them out tomorrow so you can rest.”
“If you ask him he'll say yes. If I ask him, I'll have to go through my mom.”
“Jackman, you are so dramatic. Clay loves spending time with them.”
“Don't you remember last time? He dropped The triplets off 2 hours early.”
“Well yeah because they ate him out of a house and home.”
“They're going to summer camp because they can be fine all school year and the MINUTE that the last damn bell rings on the last day of school they act like we haven't fed them since birth. Talking about ‘daddy, I'm hungry’ when they ate less than 20 minutes ago. Fuck outta here. Need to start paying for groceries if they want to eat so damn much. In THIS economy!?”
You couldn't help but to bust out laughing, but you knew he was completely right.
“We'll worry about that when the time comes, but for now I need you to do something.” You replied as you played with his beard.
“What do you need babe?”
Before you answered him, you leaned forward to kiss him and he eagerly kissed you back.
“Get up, lock the door, and you need to lose your clothes. Now.”
Jack simply smirked before kissing you again and then he got up and made his way over to the door to lock it.
By the time he turned back around, you had lost all of your clothes and he was looking around dumbfounded.
“What the? How?”
“I literally wasn't wearing that much to begin with, now come on.” You laughed as you were now sitting on the edge of the bed and pulled him closer to you by the waistband of his sweatpants.
“Off now.” You told him as you tugged on them, but instead he slowly slipped his shirt off and threw it in the corner.
“You're teasing me and I don't think I like that very much.” 
All he did was smirk, but was caught off guard as you got his sweatpants and boxer briefs down in one swift motion and began stroking him.
“Shit, baby.”
“Do it again and I won't let you cum.”
Hearing this, Jack immediately put a hand around your neck stopping your movements. 
“It's honestly cute how you think you're in charge. You know better than that baby. I run this.”
“Hmm, we'll see.” You softly answered as he let go and you took him in your mouth, but suddenly had an idea.
You stopped and simply slid all the way up in the bed and Jack was looking at you confused.
“My dick isn't going to suck itself. What's going on, baby?” He asked as he was stroking himself and peering down at you.
“Sit in between my legs.”
From that moment forward, you knew he was at your mercy.
Kicking his sweatpants the rest of the way off, he did as he was told and his back was now leaning against your chest.
Your arms went around him as you leaned down to whisper in his ear.
“You always put me to sleep and now it's my turn to return the favor.”
All he did was lean his head back and you lightly kissed him while smirking.
You started kissing down his neck and snaked your hand around to continue stroking him. The precum was now leaking as you massaged the tip of his dick before continuing to move up and down the shaft.
“Oh fuck.” You heard Jack quietly say and he adjusted himself so that you would be able to have a better grip.
By now, he had simply closed his eyes and now had his head resting against your chest. He tried to move to the side to be able to put your pierced nipples in his mouth, but your movements immediately stopped.
“Stop moving, Jackman.”
“But…”
“Just be patient.”
He did as he was told as you continued pleasuring him because the last thing he wanted for you to do was stop again.
You lost count of how many love bites you left all over his neck, and knew that he wouldn't be complaining when the two of you were finished.
Soft moans and whimpers were leaving Jack's mouth every few seconds and you simply slowed down and quickly heard his protests.
“Baby, come on.”
“Hmm? What's wrong?” You asked, knowing exactly what the problem was.
“You know what you did. I was almost there.” He whined and you simply laughed to yourself.
“Now you know how it feels, huh?”
“Baby, let me fucking cum.” You heard as he tried to increase the pace of him moving in the palm of your hand.
“Or what?” You asked as you stopped completely.
He turned around to look at you and kissed the side of your mouth.
“Don't ask questions to the things you don't want the answer to. Your ass won't be able to walk tomorrow if you keep fucking playing with me.”
“Who said I wanted to walk tomorrow?”
Jack let out a light chuckle before turning back around.
“Famous last words.” He replied as he patted your thigh and knew that it was going to be a long night.
You spit in your hand before reaching back around and sped up the pace of you stroking him.
“Yes, baby. Keep fucking going. Be a good girl and make daddy cum.”
Not even a minute later, he released all over your hand and you kept stroking him as he rode out his high with you kissing him.
Between kisses you heard his moans and the stickiness between your thighs was becoming more evident and could no longer be ignored.
You two sat in silence as Jack got himself together before he flipped over to see you licking his cum off your hand making him get bricked up all over again.
“Mmm, tastes so good. And what were you saying about me not being in charge?” You asked as you looked at him hovering over top of you.
“Don't fucking start with me because we are nowhere near done.” He said as he slowly entered you.
“Oh shit.” You breathed out because you were caught off guard.
“Don't get scared now. Take this dick.” Jack said as he pounded into you and placed his hand around your neck.
“And if you're a good girl, I just might let you cum. Open your mouth.” 
Listening to instructions, you felt warm liquid hit the back of your throat.
“Swallow it.”
As you did, you smirked up at him which made him halt his movements and slide out of you.
“Turn around.”
Now on your knees with your head resting on your arms, you felt Jack's warm tongue as he started to eat you out from the back.
“Fuck, baby. It feels so good.”
A few minutes had passed and without warning, he abruptly stopped and slid into you.
“Arch that back and act like you want this.” You heard him say but not before there was a hard smack to your ass.
You did as you were told and knew that this wasn't stopping any time soon.
About an hour later, Jack was fast asleep on your chest as you played in his hair and you couldn't help but to laugh to yourself.
 
And as much shit as he talked, you still put his ass to sleep. 
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indigochromatic · 2 days
Text
Some Basic Advice About EMDR for Systems
(drawing on our own experiences, reading about it, and comparing notes with our therapist)
This is mainly aimed at systems who are considering doing EMDR or planning on it, but want to know what the process is like and what to look out for, with some personal experiences sprinkled in.
Under the cut, because I talk a lot:
General Concept
I think the big picture in our experience is that EMDR is/was like…an intensifier for the kind of headspace/internal system interaction processing work that a lot of systems do naturally, at least a little, especially if they have decent internal communication. This has both upsides and downsides/areas to be cautious about.
A lot of EMDR pre-work (often called “resourcing”) is about making sure you have a good toolbox of “mental tricks/techniques” to be able to handle unexpected intense emotions, feelings, and/or imagery etc that often comes up when you get into trying to work with traumatic stuff. This is in my opinion very important, and something your therapist should take at least a few sessions to talk with you about even if you already have good tools for it already, just to make sure they know your strategies and you’re all on the same page. Also super common and normal to spend some time developing extra ones if needed—stuff like “the box” for temporarily containing crisis emotions when needed, having a mental “safe space” that you can come back to, etc. Also, EMDR specifically tends to often be a little rigid/scripted in the types of visualizations and metaphors you’re “supposed” to use, but in my opinion a good therapist should be flexible enough to adapt to equivalent images/techniques you may already have (like, “imagine you’re viewing the traumatic memory on a movie screen, or out the window of a train going through a tunnel” is a common instruction; if, say, your headspace has a lot of fantasy elements and it makes more internal sense to be viewing the memory via…scrying in a dish or something, your therapist should be down with you doing that instead, if you want to).
As for the sessions themselves, a big thing we don’t hear articulated a lot is that, in our experience  and that of some other folks we know, EMDR has a tendency of being…like, sneakily intense: It doesn’t necessarily hit you all at once in the session, which may just feel like “ok, that was Some Therapy Work but I’m chill”, but then over the rest of the day and maybe even the next few days, it’s not uncommon to keep feeling a lot of emotional intensity/vulnerability, having more intense “internal conversations and/or realizations”, etc. For this reason, EMDR is generally supposed to start with a very mild memory-to-process, like 4-5 out of 10 max.
Notes of Caution and Stuff to Keep In Mind
Especially for folks who already heavily dissociate from emotional trauma, it’s super easy to think you’re “going too easy” only to find that the memory has a lot more emotional baggage than you realized—really go easy on yourself when you start, EMDR is like psychology power tools and you absolutely can hurt yourself. (We’ve heard from plenty of systems who had bad therapists who did not adequately support them in doing EMDR, and absolutely fucked them over by starting too big and retraumatizing the hell out of them— this isn’t meant as fear-mongering, especially if you really like and trust your therapist, but just genuine “hey, EMDR can be very volatile stuff, which is part of why it can be so helpful, but also means that it’s important to not skip out on the safety precautions and self-care”.) What this means in practice is often stuff like: (our recommendations at least) - trying to schedule breaks/easy days immediately after - possibly getting someone to drive you home, especially if you know you’re going after a Big Thing, because the dissociation hangover immediately after can be pretty real - start with a memory that feels "too easy", and scale up if a week later it still felt trivial/like you’re fully over it, because it’s way easier to ramp up than try to do damage control.
Our personal experience, in tl:dr form, was that it felt like the core of the technique was really useful for us, and mirrored some of the most useful instances of self-processing we’d had before while also kind of serving as a “shortcut” to it—but, it was pretty intense and we didn’t really like/fit well with the therapists who we were working with at the time, which is why we stopped (didn’t want to keep doing an emotionally intense thing with folks we didn’t trust).
Finally, a bit about EMDR and "maybe I'm plural but I'm not sure, and/or may not have great in-system communication": yeah, this is a case to be especially slow and careful, for all the aforementioned reasons; what my instinct/recommendation would be in those cases is to: 1) make sure you learn a lot of resourcing techniques 2) try to check in with yourself(s) frequently and with compassion/intent-to-collaborate, "ask the inside of your head how it's feeling" and even if you're not sure whether the "reply" was just your own thoughts or a headmate, listen and try to engage with/respect those responses and emotions 3) if you start getting warning signs/back-off signals/sudden intense feelings, listen to them and lighten up, pause the session if you need to, do some self care etc, even (especially) if you don't know why you felt that way and it seems 'odd/random', and really you're super curious about what's going on and just want to figure it out. Like...you and the inside of your head and/or other system members are trying to navigate a complicated D&D maze together, in the dark, and you each only have part of the map--so you have to work together and trust each other, especially listening to warning signals even when your "part of the map" doesn't show anything to worry about there. And the more you work together and trust each other, the better everything gets, including therapy work.
When it's "Death By A Thousand Papercuts"-type Trauma Instead
If you're not sure where to start because there aren't a lot of obvious "Big Bad Memories" that feel like they adequately explain the issues you're having, some recommendations:
-> First, note that "no Big Bad Memories are immediately coming to mind, idk" is super common in systems and also in CPTSD, way more than I think most folks realize, so know that you're not alone and also that it doesn't mean you don't necessarily have stuff deserving of help and support.
-> So yeah, there's kinda two things imo you can try. The first is, if your therapist is on the more flexible side, you can try doing EMDR with either "this specific memory wasn't too bad, but it's representative of an ongoing pattern or theme that wasn't great" (say, loneliness at school or something, and you pick a specific lunchtime memory, which wasn't really That Bad in the moment, but you were kinda sad and/or upset about it and it feels representative of the overall trend you're trying to process/heal). Or you can try just doing the EMDR process on the theme itself, at the abstract level, and see what comes up--again, I'd really recommend starting with a much lower-stakes issue/theme than you think you need, just because it's really easy to underestimate, especially for systems and other folks whose brains dissociate a lot. (And especially if you know your system has episodic amnesia--e.g. event-amnesia/blackout amnesia--as well as emotional amnesia.)
The second is, there are other "more flexible" types of similar somatic therapy techniques (brainspotting is the name of another one, and there's more I can't think of rn) that might fit better instead-- tldr, totally worth asking your therapist about the whole situation, and asking what they'd feel most qualified for/comfortable with, in my opinion. You don't need to be doing Specifically Exactly EMDR to do somatic trauma therapy, even though EMDR is one of the more well-known modalities for it, and finding a version that feels right and not like you're forcing anything is really valuable (and you're not 'being picky' if it takes a while to find one; you're allowed to want to find one that feels right).
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danieyells · 1 day
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I have major Rui brainrot. But anyways-
A couple of things I caught onto.
At the beginning of the game, they list off all the houses in Darkwick except for Obscuary before finally mentioning there’s a new house being added. That it doesn’t have any general entries (this is after speaking about Jabberwok btw) and that it’s also pretty exclusive to even ghouls. They’re heavily alluding to Obscuary, here. Kaito also starts to say something about their captain before being cut off (this is in one of the entrance ceremony chapters in the prologue).
But heres a couple of brain rot things I have.
If Obscuary is a newer house- what house was Ed and Rui in prior?
I’m sure they were moved to Obscuary because they’re considered high risk to the general populace (and also why there are no general admissions as well).
Ones a vampire. One is a reaper cursed guy who’s touch can kill you. And then they’re moving Lyca there- who is also considered pretty high risk (at least, Darkwick seems to think so).
Additionally, Haku goes out of his way in the beginning to warn Rui about Article 77 & 78. Well- now we know what those Articles entail per the new chapter. Rui seems pretty high risk for getting slapped with that considering his curse makes him a danger to be around. I’m assuming the same for Ed since he’s a vampire but also he did something that I’m sure we’ll find more information out on the next chapter. I hope. I cope.
I’m curious if Lyca being placed in Obscuary is also meant to be taken as a message (he’s definitely going to blab about being held in PRISON since he seems to say whatever is on his mind- according to Rui affinity lines). The message being “If you fuck up, you’re next”.
Anyways- I could blab more but I have just been turning this over in my mind and I saw you mention somewhere in one of your blogs about Obscuary possibly having general students. But early in the game, they say that the new house (alluding to Obscuary) has no general populace and isn’t even an option for the ceremony and that they’re specially selected to be put there. (If I’m recalling correctly).
Brainrot is always welcome here anon -u- i may just be slow at responding to it sometimes lol.
But yeah I did forget that Obscuary was stated to not have general students--I tend to forget things that're earlier in the game because the hyperfocus wasn't as strong when the game first launched hhhaaaa but thank you for the correction!!! 💞
To clarify Obscuary wasn't newly being added but rather it's the newest house of all of the current ones(implying Dionysia, Ultio, or Clamentia may have been newer.)
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We don't know how long it's existed so it could be brand new, but we only know that it's existed the least amount of time of the currently active ones. That doesn't necessarily mean that they had to be in another house before this. Some of Darkwick's rules have existed for like 100 years apparently, according to one of Ritsu's lines, so for all we know the house is 10 years old and they just haven't added more that are currently active since Obscuary. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯
However we do know Rui was likely in another house(or school?) before this because he got his reaper curse on a mission.
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I assume he was in one of the defunct houses before this, personally--maybe Dionysia since he's a bartender? Or Clementia since he's a pretty peaceful and kind person? Clementia would also make sense since they did exorcisms and presumably worked with spirits. . .so if he was on a mission that ended up involving a spirit and a reaper didn't take kindly to his involvement. . .curse? We don't know exactly how one gets a reaper curse--it could not involve a reaper at all.
As for Ed. . . . . .well all of this hinges on the simple question of how long has Ed been a vampire. Because Haku mentions in one of his chats that he's not trying to end up a super senior(i.e. he wants to graduate and be a 4th year) so he goes on missions instead of going to classes instead of being held back. And we know Ed is a lazy fuck lol so it's entirely possible that Ed's been here for ages and just never went on enough missions or to class enough to graduate!
Of course if he's been a vampire less years than he's been in Darkwick then he likely was in another house. . .we know he likes his tablet and he's lazy and irresponsible, so he's likely captain out of seniority rather than skillset, but we don't really have any clues as to what house he would have been in beforehand. . .which house would be most likely to encounter a vampire? Frostheim? Mortkranken?
It's also possible that he was a vampire when he got here and was placed in Obscuary immediately after being brought in, no weighing of souls or anything.
BUT AAA I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT ANON I HOPE THEY TOUCH ON THESE IN THE OBSCUARY CHAPTER i mean they have to right???? Or maybe it'll be in their character stories(so after the Obscuary chapter lol)--either way I hope it's addressed a little bit. . .even just a quick "this is how i ended up this way" thing--maybe the mission reminds Rui of the one he got cursed on and he doesn't want you to go. We know Lyca was born part werewolf, so I'd absolutely believe Ed was a vampire all along and just rolled up that way.
I figure they're gonna place Lyca in Obscuary both as a message(assuming he isn't somehow prevented from talking about being imprisoned, or maybe once he's out he just doesn't care much about that he was locked up a moment ago because he's more concerned about exploring his new surroundings) and because they just Do Not Trust Him even though he's clearly just a large dog at worst.
(thank you for sharing your brainrot with me! There's so much to think about haha)
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fiveisnumber1 · 1 day
Text
Timeless - Five Hargreeves X Reader
Main story parts:
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37
A/N: Hi Everyone, sorry it took so long to put this chapter out. I swear I really tried to get it done sooner, but without going into too much detail, let's just say I got majorly hit by the Author's Curse. It wasn't easy but I finally am in a place where I was able to finish this chapter and I have already written some of the next one. Let's just hope I don't have a repeat of last time. Hope you enjoy and if you can please leave a comment that would be so cool! They make my day and really help to motivate me!
____________________________________________________________
Pt 38 - Don't (Let Me) Go
Light pushed through the silent darkness that surrounded you, the brightness slowly increasing as time went on. You could hear a ringing in your head, and as you opened your eyes to look for the origin of the sound, light flooded into your receptors causing you to wince at the intensity. You shut your eyes tightly once again and turned your head to the side trying to avoid the piercing light directly above you. Slowly, you could feel the rest of your senses begin to kick in. You were lying down somewhere and as your fingers slightly moved back and forth you could tell that you were on a carpeted floor. You felt like there was a layer of sweat covering your skin. Your mouth felt extremely dry like you hadn't had water in days and all you could hear was the buzzing of what you assumed to be the light source above you. Carefully, you opened your eyes, wincing at the light once more before allowing your cloudy vision to focus as best as it could. The world was bright and still a bit blurry, but you could make out the room enough to realize you were back in Kenny's basement.
You were confused. How the hell did you get back here? You shut your eyes again trying to force yourself to remember what happened last night but everything was a jumbled mess and it hurt to think.
You moved your head slightly in an effort to look around more but the slightest movement made you feel like you were moving through jello. Just slightly out of arms reach you could see Dean lying on the floor as well.
"Dean..." You groggily called
However, he did not move.
"Marks..." You called slightly louder
Still nothing.
You knew what you had to do. With all the energy you could muster you rolled yourself from your back onto your stomach. A wave of nausea washed over you, but you somehow managed to stop it. Now within reach of him, you slid your arm over and placed your hand on his forehead before smacking it repeatedly.
"Ah!" He shouted as he quickly sat up "Estoy despierto!"
You did not move your head to look at him and instead just opted to use your peripheral vision as best as you could. You could see as he lifted his hand to his forehead to hold it. You couldn't tell if it was from a headache like yours or because you had just repeatedly hit it. Dean looked around the room confused before turning his attention to you on the ground.
"Oh, you don't look good." He commented
"I'll be fine..." You replied still slightly disoriented "What did we do last night?"
"What didn't we do?" Dean stated back "I can't even remember everything."
"That's- not comforting..." You responded
Seeing that you were not getting the answers you wanted from Dean, you knew that you would have to start asking around to piece together the puzzle, but there was no way you were going to get an idea of what happened last night from your spot on the floor. However, the thought of getting up felt like a Herculean task given your condition. You had never gone as far as you did last night. Honestly, you should've listened to that alcohol and drug lecture you got back in freshman year, no matter how lame they were. They were correct when they rhymed Drinking lots is really bad, it makes your head and tummy sad. Your head and tummy were very upset right now. If only you had some water, then you could force it through your system with your powers and wipe a lot of your discomfort away. If only you didn't have to get up to accomplish that.
Wait.
You didn't.
Through your tired and headache-filled haze, an idea came to mind. All you had to do was roll on your back once more, open your mouth, and use your powers to collect the water molecules in the air close enough to create a physical stream of water.
You were a genius.
Gathering your physical energy once more you rolled yourself back onto your back. The basement lights above shined into your eyes once more, but you did your best not to focus on it and instead focus on the task at hand. Looking up you concentrated on the water molecules in the air and began to bring them together. Quickly, the molecules pooled together becoming an orb that floated in the air. The ceiling lights shone through the water and reflected the light into brilliant rays. If it weren't for your thirst you may have considered staring at the growing water ball longer. When the orb looked sizable enough, you opened your mouth, and let the water begin to fall.
Unfortunately, you realized too little too late that your genius idea was actually incredibly stupid as the orb of water fell from the air and down onto your face. Your open mouth caught a good portion of the water, but instead of swallowing it as you had planned, you began to choke as you somehow managed to drown yourself. The shock of it all sent a jolt through your system causing you to sit upright and let the water still stuck in your throat spill out onto the floor. With most of the water either on the floor or swallowed into your system you began to gasp loudly for air as you tried to settle yourself back down. At least you were sitting up now. As you began to catch your breath, you heard as a voice asked,
"Did you just waterboard yourself?"
Your head slowly turned your head left toward the voice and saw Bren sitting against the wall. His expression was still tired mixed with some shock. You furrowed your eyebrows in annoyance as you attempted to shout between gasps,
"N-no!"
Rather than replying, he just raised one eyebrow curiously most definitely implying he did not believe you.
"Shut up!" You shouted, finally regaining your ability to speak "I didn't mean to!"
"Shhh..." Viktoria shushed, waving her hand at you "You're too loud."
"Sorry..." You whispered
Finally taking a look around the room you could see the rest of your friends in some state of alertness although some look worse for wear than others. Dean and Bren seemed tired but not in pain, Lucas and Addison seemed like they had light sensitivity but nothing some ibuprofen couldn't help with, but Viktoria looked like she was gonna need a stronger concoction of remedies to get better. As people began to move around you considered actually getting up to get water, but before you could you were greeted with the cheerful yet loud voice of Kenny exclaiming,
"GOOD MORNING KRUSTY CREW!"
"SHHHH!" Viktoria emphasized louder
"Oh shush yourself, Vi. I've got home remedies and medicine to fix you all up." Kenny replied matter-of-factly
Ah yes, of course, the part-time EMT and full-time party king himself would know exactly how to help you all. You watched from where you sat on the floor as Kenny, who seemed completely unaffected from the night before, passed out items from a tray to each of your friends. Coffee for Dean and Bren. Extra-strength migraine medicine and Gatorade for Lucas and Addison, and the prior plus saltines for Viktoria. And then lastly there was you. You watched as Kenny walked over to you and reached down to hand you a giant glass of water. As he did so though he noticed the remnants of water that soaked your top half.
"What happened?" He questioned confused
"I'm far stupider when my head hurts." You replied annoyed "Please just give me the water so I can fix myself."
"Makes sense," Kenny commented as he handed you the water
Chugging the water he had handed you, you finally managed to set out what you wanted to do with your original plan. Getting the water into your system, you used your powers to move it about your body helping you to start feeling better. It was an incredibly weird feeling when you messed with only some of the molecules inside your body, but it was better than being nauseous and in pain. And truly, a recovery that took two minutes of being uncomfortable was far better than one that took two hours.
Soon enough, the searing pain in your head and the unease in your stomach both managed to subside allowing you to focus on more important matters. Like drying yourself off for one. Using your abilities to collect the water molecules in your shirt, you distributed them back into the world, ridding yourself of the evidence of your mistake. which finally led you back to your original plan, FINDING OUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
Finally feeling confident in your ability to stand, you got up from where you sat on the floor, moved to the center of the room, and looked around at your friends. There were markings on each of your friends' left wrists wrapped in clear bandaging that conjured hazy memories of a weird biker bar. Looking down at your left wrist, you saw it was also marked with a symbol of your own. The memories became clearer as you recalled your conversation with Pogo and how you drew the image for him to tattoo. Looking at the tattoo once more you noticed that it seemed to already have healed over. Of course, it had. Your scars never stayed. At least not the physical ones.
That wasn't important though. As you pulled your clear bandage off your wrist you went back to looking at your friends. Things at first seemed ordinary even with the blacked-out gaps in your memory. But then things became odd. Bren had what looked like a streak of black paint on the side of his neck and Addison was wearing a diamond ring on her ring finger.
"Bren, how did you get paint on your neck?" You asked
"Probably got it when we graffitied that stupid banner last night." He replied, looking up from his coffee
You looked at him blankly. You had no recollection of that whatsoever. What banner would the two of you hate enough to even do that, anyway?
"Right." You responded, attempting to hide your lack of remembrance
After responding, however, you quickly looked over toward Addison who was snuggled up next to Lucas on one of the basement's couches.
"And where did you get your ring again, Addi? It's just so lovely." You asked feigning ignorance
"Oh, Lucas found it in a ring box in the bathroom of the club we went to and proposed to me with it." She answered, happily showing it off
"Yeah, and I finally got to use my Certificate of Ordination to marry them when we went to City Hall." Kenny chimed in
"Of course. How could I forget." You replied, still trying to hide that, in fact, you did NOT remember
There were vague memories of someone referencing City Hall when you were at the bar Pogo worked at, but besides that, you had no clue what happened there. Looking over towards Dean you could see that he had a smirk on his face. Locking his eyes with yours, you could hear as he said in your head,
You don't remember shit, do you?
You scowled slightly as you replied in his head,
Shut it. Just tell me what else happened. I already feel stupid enough from the accidental waterboarding...
His smirk turned into a smile as he explained,
Beyond breaking into City Hall so Lucas and Addison could get married? You helped Lucas forge adoption papers so Luther and Sloane Hargreeves are now his legal parents.
You thought to yourself for a moment before stating,
That does like something I would do.
Externally Dean gave you a nod before adding in your head,
Although, you should ask Viktoria where the fanfiction she printed for you is. She ran out like three government printers to put it all into these huge ass binders.
Your eyes went wide for a moment as you questioned,
Binders?
Oh yeah, at least two to my knowledge.
You gave Dean one more look before carefully turning toward Viktoria who was slowly going between eating saltines and sipping on some orange Gatorade on the other couch in the basement. Taking a few steps closer to her you softly began to say,
"Hey Viktoria, about those binders you put together yesterday-"
"Spider-Man fics are in the red binder. They're mainly Amazing Spider-Man focused but some are just general Spider-Man. However, In A Matter of Time fics, are in the blue binder and are sorted by who they're about." Viktoria replied matter-of-factly in between sips of her drink
Well...you did say you wanted to read some of those stories. Viktoria knew the types of tropes you liked and she read everything from the best of works to the worst of it all so at least you knew you were going to get the good stuff.
"Cool. Where are they?" You asked, still hiding the fact that you forgot about this too
"In the black bag over there?" Viktoria stated, pointing in the general direction of the far wall
Walking over to the wall you saw not one, but two, black bags resting against the wall. They were both relatively similar in appearance so you weren't sure which one she was referencing.
"Which bag is it?" you inquired, gesturing to the two bags
"I don't know, the left one?" She shrugged
Taking her word you walked over to the bag on the floor to the left. Crouching down, you opened the zipper on the top of the bag but instead of finding the aforementioned binders you were instead met with the sight of a large sum of cash, all in perfectly banded stacks. You paused, confused at the unexpected sight before you.
"Did you find the papers?" Dean asked
"Not the type that I expected to be in here." You replied
"What do you mean?" Viktoria questioned
"These aren't binders. This is cash." You stated, turning around to show the group "And a lot of it."
"Oh, that's my bag!" Kenny exclaimed, "Viktoria's is the one on the right."
Everyone slowly turned to look at Kenny. Confusion and concern running across all of your faces but his.
"Kenny, why do you have stacks on stacks in that bag?" Bren interrogated
"Oh, because I took it when we were at City Hall," Kenny stated nonchalantly
the jaws of you and your friends dropped as you looked at him. He seemed to not have a care in the world about what he had done. This was bad. Not apocalypse bad, but still, pretty fucking bad.
"You stole thousands of dollars from the government?!" You exclaimed
"The world is in chaos why would the government care?" Kenny explained
"IT'S MONEY!" You shouted, "THEY CARE ABOUT THIS SHIT MORE THAN HUMAN LIFE!"
Kenny paused for a moment, somehow only now realizing the severity of what he had done.
"Ah fuck...you right." He stated
"Hey, hey, calm down," Bren interjected "I'm pretty sure I managed to turn off their security system though."
Turing your attention from Kenny, you looked at Bren and questioned,
"How sure?"
"Like 75 maybe 85 percent sure." He answered
"That's pretty good." Lucas tried to encourage
"That's not a hundred," Dean replied
"So what? We can't leave this basement until the world ends?" Viktoria questioned
A silence fell over the group. You looked at each other waiting for someone to say something but no words came. Was Viktoria right? Was this it? Were you all stuck here in Kenny's basement for the short, but foreseeable future?
No. You couldn't let that happen. If the world was ending you were doing whatever you could to fill the time. You weren't going to become like the rest of the world hiding themselves away from the inevitable. You wouldn't let the dread of the end creep into you all. If you were going out, it was going to be together, as a group, on your terms. You refused to let the world take this from you.
"No, we can. We just need to keep a very low profile." You spoke up
Your friends turned their attention to you. There was confusion amongst the group, but that notable spark of hope in their eyes. There were a plethora of things you could count on your friends for. Friendship, support, humor, connection, loyalty, etc. But the most important one was hope. It was their hope that kept you going when things were tough just like it was your hope that kept them going during their dark days. You were a family. You loved each other. And when it came to wanting the best for each other no expense was paid to giving out hope to one another.
The apocalypse wasn't your fault, but it was your doing that they were aware of it. If there was anything you could give them now it was hope. Looking back at them you stood up straighter, and with confidence in your voice you explained,
"Like Kenny said, the world is in chaos, people are disappearing, and they might not put as much effort into looking for us as they would under normal circumstances."
Slowly but surely, there were nods of agreement at the statement. They made sense and if you were so confident in that fact then they should be too.
"Still, we should find a new place to lay low these next few days." Dean added, "God forbid, it's that 15-25 percent that Bren isn't sure, they'll probably still come checking our homes just to say they tried."
"Okay, but what place is going to take in seven strange kids no questions asked?" Addison commented
There was quiet chatter amongst the group about where you all could go to lay low. However, the confident look on your face dropped contorting into a grimace as you already knew where would be best suited to hide out. You did not want to take your friends there, especially with who were already staying there, but deep down you knew it was best.
"What's that look for, sis?" Dean questioned
"I know a place..." You sighed
"And you're sure they won't ask questions?" Addison pressed
"Positive." You explained, "The same guy has been working the front desk since at least the sixties and didn't ask why I haven't aged a day after 56 years."
"Well, I don't know about you guys but that works for me," Kenny stated
Everyone else seemed to either nod their head or mumble some type of agreeing statement to the idea. In your mind, it wasn't ideal but you knew it was your best bet.
"Alright then, everyone grab your important shit, shove it in my car, and let's go." Dean said
With Dean's declaration, your scattered friends started to get up and gather their things. Some more slowly than others. You felt a twinge of sadness as you looked around Kenny's basement. This place was your main hangout spot and it was filled with memories. You had hoped you could come back to this place each day, but just like many other places in your life, you had to move on. What was safest was best. There wasn't all that much to grab since most peoples' items were back at their respective houses, but soon enough everyone had gathered their sentimental stuff and gathered by the basement stairs ready to go. As you all began to make your way up the stairs, and to the front door you could hear Kenny exclaim behind you all,
"Wait!"
Everyone stopped on their own specific stair, except for Lucas who had already made it to the main floor landing and looked back at Kenny.
"What's wrong?" Bren inquired
"My tumbly's grumbly." Kenny replied
"Oh! I can make us eggs before we go." Lucas suggested
"No!" The rest of the group interjected
Lucas looked down the stairs at you all, his head tilted to the side in confusion at all of your reactions.
"Uh- no thank you, Lucas." You said, in a more polite tone "We'll get breakfast on the way."
With a quick shrug of his shoulders, Lucas smiled at the rest of you as he replied,
"Okay!"
And as he walked off toward the front door the rest of you looked down at Kenny who still stood at the bottom of the stairs, all giving him an annoyed glare.
"I don't know why you all are mad at me. You said no too." Kenny complained
Letting out a little sigh, you, like everyone else, continued up the stairs and out to Dean's car. With everyone piled in Dean pulled away from Kenny's house and drove off. After a quick stop at a diner, where you ordered and ate breakfast food besides eggs, you got back in the car and directed Dean to drive to the Hotel Obsidian, telling him it was mostly a straight shot down the road with one left turn after 20 blocks.
With that explanation though, Dean's sense of caution seemed to dissipate as he whipped out of his parking spot at the diner and floored it down the road. Weaving between the abandoned cars and ignoring most traffic lights, it seemed as if Dean had forgotten the speed limit, that there would still be some other cars on the road, and thatyou were trying to lay low. You could hear the sound of the song Tokyo Drift playing in his head as you sped down the semi-apocalyptic streets. You took a look at your friends in the backseat, most of them seemed at least slightly entertained except for Viktoria who was starting to look green. You were almost at the hotel though, so you hoped she could at least hold out til you got there to possibly spill her guts. As you approached the left turn to arrive at the hotel, Dean quickly spun the wheel left causing the car to do a few donuts in the intersection. You let him enjoy his fun for a few rotations as Bren and Kenny encouraged him from the back seat, but with Viktoria's condition seemingly worsening you decided to hit his arm suggesting he get a move on.
Finally making the left turn, Dean slowed down slightly as he pulled up into the front drive of the hotel. You all stepped outside of the car, leaving most of your items with you before having Dean lock everything up. You did however wonder why Kenny felt the need to bring his medbag with him, it's not like anything major was going to happen at the hotel. Nevertheless, you made your way, with your friends, toward one of the front revolving doors as you all collectively tried to push your way through in the same turn.
"Will you- god- back up, Kenny," Bren complained
"Dean, your elbow's in my ribs," Lucas stated
"Okay, we didn't all-" Addison began to criticize
"Move forward!" Dean shouted as he pushed the group
After a moment, the seven of you finally made it through the door and to the other side of the entrance. Spreading out to give each other space, you mentioned
"You know there were two doors, right?"
"Thank you, girl who can go through walls. That's some great insight coming from the person who didn't have to use the door with us, but did anyway." Addison remarked
Your mouth fell into an awkward frown as your eyes moved to look toward the floor. Sometimes you got so wrapped up in what was going on that you forgot your powers were even an option. It was a rare occurrence, but it still happened from time to time. However, being reminded that you forgot about your innate abilities made you feel a bit stupid.
"Okay, you're right, but you don't have to be mean about it..." You responded slightly embarrassed
As you dealt with recovering from your faux pas, however, your friends looked about the place they were now going to be staying in the meantime. However, any excited curiosity slowly began to fade as they took everything in. The sub-par hotel was noticeably old. From the furniture, to the lighting fixtures, to the carpet itself nothing looked like it was from this century. It barely looked like it belonged to the last one. The other people who inhabited the hotel were also an odd mix. Your friends tried not to make eye contact with them even as some of them quietly stared at the group.
"This place looks lame as fuck." Dean commented
"It smells like my Grandma's house," Kenny added
"(Y/N), why are we here?" Lucas asked disappointed
"Lucas you know why we're here. I have connections here, along with the Academy crew staying here as well." You explained, "I brought you all here so you'd be safe."
Lucas nodded his head at your response but then you could see as his eyes widened. A revelation came to his mind as you mentioned that the Academy was also staying here.
"Oh my god." Lucas said in a low tone, "I might get to tell Luther he's my dad now."
"Gonna be honest, looking at this place I'd rather take my chances with the government finding us," Bren remarked
You could see as the rest of your friends looked around at each other. No one was replying to Bren's statement, you could tell that they were thinking about it. Except Lucas of course who was too preoccupied with the thought of actually getting a new father.
"Listen, I know it's not great. But it's safer." You added reassuringly, "And I promise we will have a good time. Charlie and I found many ways to make this place at least a little fun."
There was a slight hesitancy, but after a moment you could see your friends become less tense about the situation. Their shoulders relaxed and their postures became more casual. It wasn't ideal but you were going to make this work for you all. As you looked about your group of friends though, you noticed that there were only 5 out of the 6 standing around the lobby.
"Where's Viktoria?" You asked concerned
"Right there," Bren replied pointing behind you
Turning around you saw your petite friend leaning over a small trash can looking as if she was about to puke. Poor Viktoria, her stomach upset so easily. Granted, you couldn't blame her given the events of last night and Dean's driving right after eating. You watched as she looked over toward your group, her head close to resting on the rim of the can. Between the paleness of her skin and the tired look in her eyes, you could tell that she did not feel well.
"Why don't you drive a little more recklessly next time, huh Dean?" Viktoria ridiculed, sickness evident in her tone
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm the safest driver I know." Dean replied, "We're all here in one piece are we not?"
Viktoria shot Dean a dirty look, but quickly after a wave of nausea washed over her causing her to turn her face back toward the opening of the trash can. Fortunately, she faced the can just in time as seconds later a stream of bile came from her mouth. There was a mix of grossed-out grimaces and sympathetic looks on the faces of you and your friends while other guests of the hotel looked on in disgust. As Addison rushed over to Viktoria's side you turned to look at the rude patrons staring at your friend.
"Mind your business!" You shouted, your eyes angrily flaring up
The prying eyes of other guests quickly averted themselves as you returned to normal and turned back to your group. Now kneeling next to Viktoria, Addison gently ran a hand up and down her back trying to ease her discomfort. With a sympathetic smile, Addison cooed,
"C'mon Vi, let's see if they have some old pretzels or something behind the bar to help your stomach."
Kenny quickly perked up at the word bar as he excitedly looked around the lobby once more. He had missed it the first time, but off to the side, there was a fully stocked bar with no one attending it. A wide smile came to his face as he ran off toward it cheering,
"It's unmanned! That means it's free!"
As quick as Kenny started running though, Bren took off after him.
"KENNY! NO!" He shouted, pulling out one of his whips to try and grab onto him
As Bren chased Kenny toward the bar, you looked back at the scene in front of you. Addison was trying hard to get Viktoria to get up so they could walk over to the bar and hopefully help her feel better. However, her efforts were futile as Viktoria's body refused to let her leave from her kneeling position.
"I can't move..." Viktoria groaned as Addison tried to lift her once more
Letting out a defeated sigh, Addison called out,
"Lucas! Come help me carry Viktoria."
"Oh uh- yeah," Lucas answered coming out of his thoughts, "Sure thing, babe,"
Walking over to where Addison was Lucas lifted Viktoria off the ground with ease. He was a very strong boy and lifting someone small like Viktoria was a piece of cake for him.
"Don't worry Sonata, I got you." Lucas comforted as he picked Viktoria up
He waited for a moment for Addison as she picked up the trash can and continued to hold it close to Viktoria's head. Once she was ready the two of them slowly made their way over to the bar to not disturb Viktoria's stomach more. And then there were two. You looked over at the rest of your friends by the bar before turning to Dean and saying,
"Well if everyone else is over there we might as well too,"
"You can go. However, I have to piss." Dean replied
"I told you not to drink four glasses of orange juice." You reminded
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just point me to the nearest bathroom." Dean remarked
Rolling your eyes, you pointed toward the back of the lobby toward the elevators.
"Off to the side of the elevators, there is a hallway. Down at the end of the hall is a communal bathroom. There are stalls, showers, and baths so don't be surprised if you see anyone in just a towel." You explained before commenting, "Or less."
"Do you know that from experience or...?" Dean questioned
"Not my experience. Charlie's." You answered, "I always showered at the Academy."
"Alright. Well, I'll meet you back at the bar with everyone else." Dean replied
With that, Dean gave you a short nod as he walked off toward the bathrooms and you began to head toward the rest of your friends. As you made your way over to the bar, you noticed Viktoria's phone on the ground. It must've fallen out of her pocket as Lucas had carried her. Picking it up, you took it with you. She'd probably want it back when she was feeling better, but given you hadn't used a smartphone in four years you felt very compelled to use hers. As you approached, the bar you called out to Viktoria,
"Vi, I found your phone. Can I use it?"
Viktoria, however, didn't look or talk back. Instead, you could see her give a shaky thumbs up. And with that approval, you sat down on the bar top, surrounded by your chaotic friends, and unlocked her phone to scroll social media.
Unbeknownst to you though, just across the lobby, the rest of the Umbrella Academy were gathering together as well. One by one, the members of the Hargreeves family had found all of themselves standing near the elevators asking each other what had happened to them recently. But as a silence fell over the group, a vortex of blue opened beside them spitting out Lila and Five onto the carpet of the hotel. Luther, Viktor, Allison, and Diego all jumped back in shock as they watched as the two of them collided with a travel magazine stand, smashing it to pieces. Five and Lila groaned from where they lay on the ground, surrounded by magazines and broken wood.
Rolling onto his back, Five could feel his head spinning. Through his eyes, he could make out the figures of his siblings, but it seemed like each of them had two extra duplicates.
"Shit." He muttered to himself
Sitting up, Five pushed himself to stand, but as he got on his feet he could feel his legs wobble beneath him as the world spun a little more. His mind was racing and yet he couldn't think straight.
"Where have you been?" Viktor questioned
"Facing my mortality, Viktor. I don't recommend it." Five replied as he began to regain his balance
With the world around him a little more stable, Five fixed his jacket and brushed the dust of the wooden stand off his suit. Regaining his composure, he now tried to regain his train of thought. It seemed like every time he time traveled it always seemed to screw with his head a bit. He didn't know if it was the act of traveling through time or the fact that he only ever did it under duress that made his mind get disorganized. Either way, it didn't help especially with so much on the line. As he focused more on the important things at hand, his focus was interrupted by Allison aggressively remarking,
"You had the briefcase? We've been looking for this!"
"Well, look no further. That's the last one on Earth." Five replied
Five watched as she knelt next to the case and took it into her hands. Examining it closer, it was obvious the thing was broken. Between the dents, scratches, and billows of smoke coming off of it, there was no way it was going to work again.
"Or was the last one." Five added
Allison scoffed, tossing the briefcase down to the ground in frustration before getting up and walking away to sit on a nearby staircase. With Allison off to the side, Five went over to the briefcase to inspect it. He didn't think it was workable, but given everything it didn't hurt to check. With one glance though, it was evident that the case was broken beyond repair.
"Yeah, that's toast." Five said aloud
As Five stepped away from the briefcase and began to finally collect his thoughts, Lila rushed towards Diego and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace.
"You're happy to see me. What's wrong?" Diego asked
"Turns out there's less time to hold grudges than I had planned. You're off the hook." Lila explained before asking, "Hey, where's Stan?"
Even with the idle chatter in the background between his family members, Five was able to gather his thoughts. The world was ending. He knew that. It was because of a Kugelblitz that it was ending. He learned that. Another version of himself created the commission and also died. He witnessed that. You, his girlfriend, were in danger of also dying. He discovered that. None of these thoughts were good, and they needed to be resolved fast. Calling the attention of those around, Five announced,
"Hey, Chatty Cathys, quit the chitchat, all right? I'm calling a family meeting here."
Hearing that, Lila attempted to walk away from the group but was stopped by Diego who held her wrist and said,
"Ah, ah, ah. That means you too."
With his mind fully in focus, and the things he needed to address listed out in his head, Five looked around at the group that stood before him, but as he glanced at each individual he noticed a very important one was missing.
"Where's (Y/N)?" Five asked the group
Besides Lila, who was with Five the whole time, the rest of the group looked around at each other for an answer. Their eyes met each other as shoulders were shrugged and uncertain mumbles filled the air. No one seemed to know where you were.
Concern bubbled up within Five. How could they not know where you were? You were with the group of them when he had left. How did they not see you? Terrible thoughts started to flood Five's mind as he thought of the possibilities of what could've happened to you. What if you were kidnapped by the Sparrows? What if a kugel wave blitzed you? Or worse, overwhelmed your powers and killed you? What if he was too late and you were already gone? In their conversation, his other self told him that he shouldn't have left here, that his time was running out. Was this what he meant?
"Where is my girlfriend?" Five harshly emphasized
Uncomfortable looks spread on the faces of the Hargreeves siblings as they stayed silent. Their silence though began to push Five into a spiral. His body tensed and frustration flooded his face as he looked at his siblings. There was one more thing about him that only Lila managed to notice. Panic. There was panic in his eyes even if his expression was angry.
His panic however was a cause of concern for Lila. Five had already stated that if he didn't have you, he would end the world himself. And if anyone besides Viktor has a reason to do it, it would be him. Lila didn't care about you appearing because she liked you, but more so because she had things she needed to do and Five ending the world would get in the way of that. And whether she liked it or not, if there was one person Diego cared about besides her, it was you. So he had to be the one to know where you were.
"Diego, where's (Y/N)?" Lila asked
"Uh, I mean she has to be here somewhere, right?" Diego responded
That was not the answer Lila wanted to hear. Hoping that with a little pressure Diego would remember, Lila pressed,
"Well, she's your sister so shouldn't you know where she is?"
"No, I've been busy with Stan," Diego replied
"Of course you fucking have." Five snapped from across the group
Five's comment didn't register with Diego though as out of the corner of his eye he saw Stan walk by with an armful of chemicals. Not really thinking about the issue at hand and instead wondering what Stan was up to, Diego announced,
"I'll be right back."
"Don't leave me with your- Dieg-" Lila called but it was useless as he had already walked away
Five's frustration began to boil over as Diego walked away to follow Stan. Diego, who still continuously criticized him for even breathing in your direction, apparently couldn't care less that you were missing. Only a few days ago, if you were missing he would've gone nuclear, but now it seemed that didn't matter. What a fucking hypocrite. With his emotions continuing to build up, Five faced the rest of the group, but with a crowd of blank stares looking back Five couldn't help but shout,
"SOMEONE BETTER TELL ME WHERE MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND IS NOW."
"I know where she is." A voice called out
Hearing those words a sense of relief washed over the entire group. Thank god, someone knew where you were because none of them did. However, after that moment of relief, they realized the voice was not familiar to them. Everyone's head quickly turned toward the voice only to be met with a teenage boy who had a similar resemblance to Diego. To Luther and Allison, there was something familiar about him, but Viktor and Lila had no clue who this kid was.
"Who's the mini Diego?" Viktor asked
"Y'know Viktor, I take offense to that, but seeing as we've never met before I'll let it slide." He responded
Viktor looked toward his siblings only to be met with more shrugs from Allison and Luther. But the look on Five's face was a different story. Five knew who this person was, but it didn't make sense why he'd be here.
"Dean?" Five questioned confused
Dean smiled. Not only because Five recognized him but because he was back and that was going to be such a relief for you. After he apologized for leaving in the first place, of course. Walking over to Five, he placed a hand on his shoulder as he greeted,
"Hey, Five! Great to see you. Sorry to hear about the black hole consuming all of existence, I know you tried really hard to stop that."
"A black hole is destroying existence?!" Allison exclaimed angrily
"It's called a Kugelblitz." Five replied flatly as he attempted to process what was going on
Lila looked at the teenage boy standing in front of Five. Who was this kid? And why did he look like a younger version of her boyfriend? Obviously, he wasn't a younger version because Five addressed him as Dean, but that didn't make it any less confusing. And even more so, he knew about the Kugelblitz. Lila thought the only two people who knew were her and Five. Trying to learn more, Lila questioned,
"How do you know about that?"
Dean looked towards Lila. he hadn't noticed her before, but he recognized her. They had never met of course, but Dean knew her as one of the villains from the Dallas arc of Charlie's comics. The comics that he now knew were about your life and the people in it. Dean narrowed his eyes at Lila, as his face contorted with disgust. Like most other fans of Charlie's comics, Dean did not like Lila. In his mind, Lila deserved no respect. And now, after coming to realize her significance in the circumstances that led you back to him and the things she had done, he hated her even more. She was actively ruining your life by just existing in it. And you, his beloved twin sister, should not have to put up with her existence. Dean wasn't going to tolerate that. Glaring at Lila, in a vile-laced tone, Dean responded,
"I don't associate with homewreckers."
"Excuse me?" Lila replied taken aback
Who was this kid? Who did he think he was calling her a homewrecker? What home was there even to wreck? Diego didn't have a wife or a child. Why was this boy so hostile toward her when they had never met before?
"You're not excused." Dean deadpanned
Lila's jaw dropped as she wracked her brain trying to make sense of what was going on right now.
Like Lila, Five was also trying to comprehend his current situation. Whatever semblance of a plan to discuss the end of the world with his family Five had was now thrown out the window. He was bewildered. Dean was here. Why? Dean knew who he was. WHY? Dean knew about the Kugelblitz. WHY? None of this made sense. Most things didn't make sense at this point but this was something else, and Five needed it to start making sense or he was going to go insane. At least more insane than he already was given what he had come back from. Placing a hand on Dean's shoulder, Five brought Dean's attention back to him.
"Dean, look at me," Five interrogated "How do you know who I am?"
Dean's eyes pulled away from the woman at the top of his shit list to look at Five. Five's face was filled with confusion, which finally reminded Dean of the fact that he technically was not supposed to know who you or the Umbrella Academy were.
"Oh uh, (Y/N) stabbed me with a needle and my brain became a recovered Google Doc and now I recall everything from the first timeline." Dean explained, "Except my death, of course."
Five's head tilted slightly, as he was now more confused than before. How did a needle jog his memory? Why did he mention his death? And what the hell was a Google Doc? Before Five could ask any follow-up questions though, Dean had turned to look at Viktor and added,
"And don't worry Viktor, I don't blame you for killing me, my friends, and everyone else in the world, but that's probably because I can't remember how we died."
The words that had priorly come out of this kid's mouth were confusing to everyone, but that statement struck Viktor like a semi-truck. His confused expression morphed into one of terror as he processed the words he heard. Viktor had killed this kid? He killed this kid's friends? And the only reason he wasn't mad was because he couldn't remember how it happened? What a terrible statement to have come out of some random teenager's mouth and what a terrible reality he now had to live with.
"I- um- what does that even mean?" Viktor questioned concerned
"No time." Five interjected, "How do you know about the Kugelblitz, Dean?"
"Oh, (Y/N) figured it out like a day and a half ago. She scribbled a bunch of math on a wall for an hour like a deranged scientist and then told all of us." Dean answered nonchalantly
Besides Five, the rest of the group look around at each other all wondering the same thing.
"Who's us?" Luther questioned
"The rest of our family. Who I need to be getting back to by the way." Dean responded as he started walking off toward the bar, "They're all over there."
The rest of the group quickly followed behind him but as they approached the bar, they were met with a chaotic scene. A blond boy nervously paced back and forth holding papers in his hands. A sickly-looking girl was heaving over a bin as her friend held her hair and ran a hand up and down her back. And then there was the lanky boy on the ground attempting to claw his way toward a bottle of alcohol just out of reach, as another boy used two whips to hold him by the ankles and pull him back.
"LET ME HAVE IT!" The curly-haired boy shouted
"You've had enough to drink!" The one holding him reprimanded
As most of the group took in the chaos a few revelations came to mind. For Luther and Allison, they recalled vague memories of their time in the bowling alley from the first apocalypse and began to realize that these teens were the same over-enthusiastic ones from then. For Viktor and Lila however, they realized that these kids bore a striking resemblance to the Umbrella Academy with each one corresponding to a different member. It was a little eerie seeing the similarities.
Unlike his siblings though, Five took no notice of the scene before him and instead, his focus shifted only to you. Once his eyes had locked on you it was as if he saw nothing else. He froze for a moment taking in the sight. There you were standing next to the bar looking at some rectangle in your hand. You were okay. You were still alive. He hadn't failed yet. The lights from above the bar cast you in a warm glow that seemed to brighten when you smiled at whatever you were looking at. Looking at you, the panic he had felt from not knowing if you were safe faded away, and without realizing it, he began to walk over to you. Step by step he drew closer, and yet every inch still in between the two of you felt like a mile. For someone whose whole thing was understanding time, he could never seem to grasp how it flowed so differently when he looked at you. Time seemed to move in slow motion as he gently took your face into his hands before pressing his lips firmly against yours.
Your eyes shot wide for a moment and Viktoria's phone fell from your hand as you tried to process what was going on, but you quickly realized there was only one person who could kiss you this sweetly. Five. Even this close up you recognized his face. You let out a happy sigh as he kissed you, your eyes fluttering closed and your arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him closer to you. You were so relieved he was back.
As the two of you kissed each other, off in your own little world, the rest of the people around looked on. His siblings were honestly shocked. Five never came off as the affectionate type. Sure, he always stated that he loved you, but displaying that affection was rare. They could recount a few occasions in which he held your hand, but besides Luther who saw you kiss him when you showed up at the hotel a few nights ago, none of them could ever recall a time he had openly kissed you like this. Hell, Luther wasn't even sure if that kiss a few nights ago was your first or not.
Your friends however were a completely different story. Whatever they were originally doing came to a complete halt as mischievous smirks and smiles came to their faces. Loudly, they oohed and awed like a group of children finding out you got called to the principal's office. Hearing the comments from your friends, you and Five pulled back from each other, a red blush creeping onto both of your faces.
"Kissing before marriage? So scandalous." Addison chimed
"Yeah, get a room you two." Bren teased
"Shut- shut up." You stammered embarrassed
This was terrible, but this was your karma for teasing your friends about their crushes all those years. Just like you had found their red faces, averted gazes, and stammered responses funny in the past, they now felt the same about you. You could hear the stifled giggles of your friends around the bar and in an effort to avoid their gaze, you instead looked at Five. But as you finally took a good look at him, you now had a new issue on your hands. He was wearing a suit. The suit itself wasn't the issue, it was a nice suit and it looked well-made. The issue was that your boyfriend looked far too good in it. Your brain started to think about the kiss you shared a moment ago. It was sweet with a slight hint of desperation. You thought about how you would've reacted if you had seen him coming your way. Perhaps instead of wrapping your arms around his neck, you would've taken him by the tie to pull him closer. Maybe he would've stepped forward a little more pinning you between him and the bar. You wondered what would happen if the rest of the world was gone. If it was just you two. Alone.
"Jesus Christ, you're down atrocious." Dean remarked aloud, snapping you from your thoughts
Breaking from your trance, your head whipped toward where Dean stood leaning against a pillar.
"I SAID SHUT UP!" You exclaimed loudly
You quickly brought a hand to cover your mouth, regretting how loudly you snapped at him, but the shocked expression on your face and reddening cheeks did not match your twin brother's look of mischievous joy in the slightest. You could see as his smirk became replicated on that of your friends as they all realized Dean had gotten a glimpse into something they weren't privy to, but would love to be.
"What did she say in her head!?" Kenny asked Dean excitedly as he escaped Bren's grasp and grabbed the bottle near him
"Oh, it's not what she said..." Dean responded, mild insinuation in his voice
"Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!" Lucas chanted from his spot next to Addison
"Oh my god, fucking stop." You shouted nervously at your friends before turning to Dean and adding "And you! Get out of my head!"
"Think quieter." Dean remarked, "Before everyone else starts to hear you too."
You were so done with his and the rest of your friends' teasing. Were you down atrocious? Yes, obviously. But that didn't mean they needed to point it out and embarrass you in front of people like this. Especially not your boyfriend and his family. Luckily enough though, as you look around at the Hargreeves present all of them had bewildered expressions on their faces. You were safe. For now. Trying to switch topics before someone could mock you again, you mentioned,
"Anyway! Uh- end of the world, right?"
"Nice pivot." Bren teased
You shot him an annoyed look before turning back to Five who had finally remembered why he had left you in the first place. He left to find out why the world was ending. He found out more than he expected to, but nevertheless, he had the answer to his original question.
"I found out how the world's ending." Five stated, "It's a Kugelblitz."
As much as you missed your boyfriend, the second those words hit your ears you could feel a tinge of annoyance grow within you. You had asked Five not to seek out Lila. Not to leave you when you knew the two of you could figure it out together. But alas, he asked you again and you let him go. However, in his absence, you figured out what was happening with almost 100 percent certainty. You tried to keep your expression neutral, but your voice conveyed your true feelings as you mentioned,
"I know, I figured it out too. Myself. Here. In this time. All on my own."
It was evident that you were still upset about his decision to leave. He felt bad for leaving, but at the time he believed it was the right choice. Maybe he could've brought you with him, but he didn't think that was the best option. He couldn't see you and Lila getting along. And their method of time travel might've caused you pain. And seeing another version of Five die could've hurt your feelings. And...
Five reached into his pocket and held the ring he had found tightly between his fingers. If you had been there when he had found it, he couldn't have possibly given it to you. It would've been disappointing and not how he wanted that to go.
Five pushed his thoughts to the side. He needed to focus on what was going on now. Treading lightly, he responded,
"I heard. Dean mentioned that you figured out about the Kugelblitz."
"And? Anything else?" You inquired, your tone indicating you were looking for a specific response
Over your shoulder, Five could see as Lucas quickly grabbed a white napkin and marker from behind the bar. Rapidly, he wrote something down before holding up the napkin. There was an intense look on his face as he pointed repeatedly to what he had written down. In bold, black letters the nakin said only one thing.
APOLOGIZE
As the only other person in a serious relationship, Five quickly assumed that Lucas knew how to respond from experience. Also, if anyone knew what to say to you in this situation, it would be one of your other friends. Taking his advice, Five looked back toward you and took one of your hands in his, and with sincerity in his tone, he replied,
"I'm sorry for not listening to you and leaving. You were right, we could've figured it out together."
You blinked a few times in surprise. You wanted him to but didn't expect him to actually apologize for leaving. You looked over your shoulder at some of your friends for confirmation that he really did that, and while Lucas frantically shoved something in his mouth, Addison and Viktoria nodded their heads, letting you know you had heard Five correctly. Turning to look back at him, your lips curled up into a smile and you held his hand a little tighter.
"Oh um, thanks. I appreciate you saying that."
Internally, Five let out a sigh of relief. At least for now, that issue had subsided, but there was so much more he wanted to talk to you about. He tried to start forming words in his mind, but as he did so Allison stepped forward. She hadn't followed Five over here for his and your reunion. She followed to get answers about what was going on, especially since Five had returned with the briefcase destroyed.
"I've had enough of this, are you going to tell us what's going on or not, Five?" Allison remarked, frustration in her tone
Five looked at his sister. She wasn't happy, and she hadn't been for a few days now. It seemed like anything anyone did was infuriating to her, but it's not like she was helping to fix that either. However, even with her unpleasant disposition, she was right. Five needed to explain at least to his siblings what was going on since you had already informed your friends. Letting go of your hand Five walked around to the backside of the bar.
"Yeah, okay." Five replied, "Gather round everyone."
The rest of the Hargreeves and Lila, while still unsure about what just happened, and the random teenagers hanging about, stood around the bar while you and your friends stayed where you were. Grabbing some shot glasses, Five began to pour out drinks for the rest of the group, handing them out one by one to his family and Lila.
This was going to be a hard talk...
Five wondered how you delivered the news to your friends. They seemed so upbeat even when all of existence was disappearing. Then again, from what he knew, your friends respected you far more than his siblings did and probably didn't blame you for something out of your control. Pouring a shot for himself, Five immediately gulped it down. A little bit of liquid courage never hurt, and perhaps it could numb the pain of the verbal pile-on he expected to happen.
"So this Kugelblitz, it's...?" Viktor began to speak
"The end of everything." Five interjected "Every rock, every star, every atom sucked into a radiant black hole. Randomly collapsing matter every moment in time across all existence till nothing's left."
"Oof." Kenny said aloud
You couldn't help but snicker at his comment. You were in a terrible situation but oof was probably the funniest response someone could give to that explanation. It was a simple joke and reminded you of easier times, what was there not to enjoy about it? However, you realized your sentiment wasn't shared as the heads of the Hargreeves and Lila quickly turned to look toward you. The way they looked at you was as if you had laughed at a funeral. Well, given that the end of the world was at hand, you kind of did. Remembering that it was not just you and your friends anymore, you regained your composure and in a more serious tone stated,
"I'm sorry. It's not funny."
You could hear the mumblings of your friends saying they thought it was funny, but the Hargreeves paid no attention as they turned back to Five. Pouring himself another shot, he looked into his glass, stared at his reflection in the liquid, and mentioned,
"Hate to say I told you so, but..."
"You love to say I told you so." Viktor retorted back
"You know, it's impressive." Lila began to speak, setting her still-full glass down on the bar
The attention of you and your friends turned to Lila as she spoke, but the lighthearted vibe that was present between you all just a moment ago was quickly replaced with one of anger and resentment. The Hargreeves and Lila could feel the tension grow in the air as the chattering of you and your friends went silent. You all watched Lila, with expressions ranging from neutral to judgemental to disgusted. Nevertheless, Lila finished her statement saying,
"Whoever knocked off your mums hated you all enough to end the entire universe."
Lila's remark instantly sent anger through your system. If her comment was a gunshot your response was the ricochet. You couldn't speak for the mothers of the umbrellas since they did technically sell their children, but your mom, and by extension of what had happened, your dad, didn't deserve to die. They were the best people you knew.  Before you could even realize you had done it, Lila's shot glass exploded in front of her. Tiny shards of glass flew outward in the area catching everyone's attention. You didn't look at anyone, but you could feel their gazes on you.
"Fucking bitch." Addison muttered as she reached to hold your hand
Taking her hand, you held it tightly, as you held the beginnings of tears back. You took deep breaths and tried your best to keep them quiet. You had to keep a strong face. You could be upset, but you couldn't cry. If you did, Lila would probably take it as a win against you and your friends would see it as a reason to start a fight. And neither of those things you needed.
Some of your friends however were already willing to start a fight. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Dean step away from the wall he was leaning against, his expression angry and his eyes trained on Lila. But before he could walk over to her you used your powers to gently shove him back against it. Looking at him you thought,
Don't do it.
He looked back at you, still obviously disgruntled, but with arms crossed over his chest, he leaned back against the wall. You could hear it in your head as he thought,
Fine.
As Addison held your hand, and some of your other friends whispered comments to each other, Kenny walked over to you and poured some of the liquor from the bottle he was drinking from into your glass. Your friends' actions were small but they meant a lot to you.
There was a silence as everyone glanced around at each other waiting for who would be next to speak. Viktor looked between you and Lila. Between Lila's comment and your reaction to it, there was no safe way for him to bring up what Harlan had shown him. And that wasn't even including the reactions everyone else would have if Viktor did say something. He needed to do something to get the conversation away from where it was headed and to lessen the tension in the air. Trying to divert the topic, Viktor hesitantly said,
"We- we don't know that Lila..."
"It doesn't matter who created the thing." Allison stated firmly "We just have to kick its ass."
"Oh really? How?" Luther questioned sarcastically "Are you and Diego gonna punch it in the Kugel?"
Allison shot back a glare at Luther, but it was quickly ignored as he could feel the presence of someone behind him. Turning back, he saw the boy from the bowling alley who looked like him standing there. The boy nervously fidgeted with a stack of paper in his hands as he shyly greeted,
"H-hi Luther."
Luther couldn't remember this kid's name in the slightest. all he knew was that he looked like him and was one of your friends.
"Ah, it's...you." Luther said awkwardly, unsure of how to proceed "Bowling alley kid."
"It's Lucas." Lucas stated, reminding Luther of his name
"Right." Luther replied
The memories were vague, but he was starting to remember more of that night at the bowling alley. However, the only thing that came to mind was the numerous similarities the two of them shared. It was slightly unsettling, but there wasn't much either of them could do about that. Luther waited for Lucas to say something, but instead, Lucas stared up at Luther with a smile. Trying to figure out what was going on here, Luther asked,
"Can I help you with something?"
"Oh uh- yes!" Lucas replied, remembering why he approached Luther
Lucas looked down at the adoption papers in his hands. You had helped him forge the signatures of Luther and Sloane last night, before making a copy of the documents and filing them away in city hall. It wasn't the most ethical way of going about things, but it made Lucas happy. He had new parents! This was all he ever wanted. Even with his excitement, nervousness still filled him. Lucas had to tell Luther that he was his parent now, and he wasn't sure what to say. This had only come to fruition last night, and instead of preparing he was busy doing other things.
"I- wow, I really thought I'd get more time to prepare for this but uh-" Lucas stuttered
"Lucas, the world is ending. Spit it out." Luther requested
"YOU'RE LEGALLY MY DAD NOW!" Lucas loudly proclaimed
The heads of the Hargreeves snapped to look over at the two tall blonds. Most reactions were that of confusion, but Allison's face morphed with rage. First Diego gets a child and now Luther too? What was next? You and Five picking a baby off the street? It wasn't fair. She had Claire, her daughter, and she couldn't be with her! But everyone else got to be a parent? It was wrong. Angrily, Allison drank from her glass, her gaze boring into Luther's back as he stood there unmoving.
Lucas looked at Luther, silently waiting for him to say something. Anything. But nothing came. It's not that Luther didn't want to reply, he just couldn't formulate any thoughts. And instead of saying anything of meaning, he could only manage to get out a simple,
"What?"
"Don't worry though!" Lucas quickly explained "Your girlfriend, Sloane, she's legally my mom. It's all in here."
Lucas held out the adoption papers for Luther to take, and after a moment of hesitation, he did. Quickly he flipped through the documents, but to his surprise, they were legitimate. Even Luther's signature looked correct. Luther didn't know how this happened, but he couldn't be Lucas' father. He didn't know what to do. He didn't even have a good example of what to do either. And anyway, he saw how poorly Diego was doing with Stan, and he didn't want to be like that. Lucas seemed like a good kid, but Luther wasn't sure if he could take on this responsibility. Especially not with the world ending. Trying to let Lucas down nicely, Luther began,
"Listen, I-"
Seeing where Luther's response was going, you pulled yourself together and cut him off as you interjected,
"Lucas, can I speak to Luther real quick?"
"Oh, sure!" Lucas replied
Politely, you pulled Luther off to the side away from the bar. Using your powers you controlled the molecules around you, creating a sound barrier to stop anyone from hearing your conversation. With your back facing the group, you looked up at Luther with a serious look on your face and began,
"Luther, you better listen up because I am only going to say this once. That sweet angel of a boy has been through hell, sometimes worse than you did, in TWO timelines, to get to this moment."
Luther's eyebrows furrowed as he processed what you said. Lucas went through hell sometimes worse than Luther ever did? That was a serious statement to make.
"What happened?" Luther asked, cutting you off
You grimaced. Although the only one who could see so was Luther. All the times Lucas came to you for help because of what he had gone through with Austin ran through your mind. It hurt you to remember your friend's pain.
"I can't tell you exactly what happened. I promised him I wouldn't, but it was badand he didn't deserve it..." You replied quietly, a slight tremble in your voice
Luther looked at you and your pained expression before looking behind you at Lucas. Noticing Luther look his way, Lucas smiled brightly and waved excitedly, completely unaware of what Luther had just learned. He seemed like such a nice, happy kid. No one would ever guess something bad happened to him.
"He's my friend. I care about him and his happiness so much." You stated firmly, a hint of pain still in your tone "So if you break his heart, I will kill you in the most painful way possible and then go tell Sloane you did something so heinous the only option was to kill you. Are we clear?"
Luther turned his attention away from Lucas and back to you. Luther did not want to die by your hand. If you said you'd make it painful, you meant it. And on top of that, he didn't want Sloane to think poorly of him. But most of all, Luther didn't want to hurt Lucas, who he now saw some of himself in beyond just appearance. The world was ending, and currently, they had no plan to stop that, so he could at least try to do something good. Luther nodded his head at your words, and seeing his acknowledgment, in a more positive voice with an undertone of violence, you replied,
"Good. Now go be a better father than yours was."
Luther grimaced slightly at your words. You weren't wrong, but it still hurt. Nevertheless, he was going to do what he was told because there was still an undercurrent of violence radiating off of you. Carefully stepping away, he made his way back toward Lucas, who looked up at him excitedly. Luther stared back at him blankly as he wondered what to say. As you had stated, he didn't have a good father. What does a good dad say to their kid? Luther couldn't say I love you because that would be weird to say to a teenage boy he just met again, even if legally it was his son. He could probably say he's proud of him though, right? That's something Reginald never said so it had to be something a good dad would say. Then again, Luther didn't know what there was to be proud of, he was literally pushed into this role less than a minute ago.
"So...son...you have any recent accomplishments..?" Luther asked, still trying to figure out what to be proud of
Lucas was silent for a moment after hearing the question. Neither Austin nor Meredith ever asked him about his accomplishments. They may have birthed him and raised him, but for seventeen years they never cared about him. And yet here, barely one minute after telling Luther he was now his father, he asked about what he had accomplished. It was his first question to him as his dad. And on top of that, he called him son. Not Lucas. Son. Tears began to form in Lucas' eyes as his hands clenched into fists to hide the shaking that was starting to happen. He was happy and sad and everything that could fall in between, but if he burst into tears it would ruin this first moment. He couldn't do that, time was finite. He had to make this count. He looked over at Addison, his one and only, and smiled. She was his home. She was where he felt safe. She was his everything. And having her by his side was his greatest achievement. Looking back at the man he now called dad, he gestured over toward her as he happily exclaimed,
"I got married last night! My girlfriend is now my wife!"
Well, that wasn't what Luther was expecting, and by the looks on the rest of his siblings' faces, they surely didn't expect it either. Lucas and his...wife...seemed a bit young but, nevertheless, marriage is a nice thing so Luther could be proud of that.
"Congrats, son. I am proud of you." Luther said in an awkward but supportive tone before looking at Addison and adding "And hello...daughter-in-law."
"Hi, Luther." Addison replied politely "Ignore my friend puking. She's not sick anymore she's just so excited to finally meet Viktor."
"I'm going to talk to Lucas again now." Luther said unsure how to respond to that
"What? Me?" Viktor questioned
"Vi, don't be weird. Say hello." Addison encouraged
Looking up from her trash bin, Viktoria's eyes met Viktor's as she excitedly stated,
"Hi. I'm Viktoria! I was Viktor a long time ago but I'm not Viktor now, I'm Viktoria but you're Viktor so we're like the same and that's cool!"
Immediately after finishing her statement though, Viktoria once again puked into her bin from excitement. However, excitement was not the word Viktor would use to describe this meeting. Instead, a few different descriptors came to mind. Bewilderment. Concern. Deja vu. Overall, everything after Five and Lila's return had been confusing and concerning but looking into the face of a teenager who looked exactly like Viktor when he was younger. Now that was something else. And on top of it, he didn't understand anything of what they had just said.
"I'm sorry what?" Viktor asked looking for clarity
"Oh uh, Viktoria is transgender like you and your current name is her old name. Y'know Viktor, Viktoria, they're very similar so she's excited." Addison explained, "You're her hero."
"How?" Viktor questioned confused before quieting their tone stating "Nobody knew about me until my book."
Picking her head back up from the bin Viktoria replied,
"That's not true! I saw you in the background or off to the side of interviews the Umbrella Academy did. I picked up the viola because I saw you had a string instrument case on you in one of them!  I practiced the viola every day. I owned and memorized your book in three languages. I did a whole report on you in middle school!"
"I hated that project." You chimed in
"Yeah, yeah. Broken hand, emotional trauma, we already know." Viktoria retorted before continuing, "Anyway, I wanted to be just like you."
"Really?" Viktor inquired
"Yeah! Of course!" Viktoria replied sincerely, "You're my hero."
A small smile came to Viktor's face. It was nice to know that someone looked up to him even before he figured out about his powers again. And in a way, even though this was someone else saying these things, it felt like a younger version of himself telling him he was worth it even before everything that happened.
While the emotional bonding between some of your friends and the Hargreeves was happening, it had no effect on Five. He stopped paying attention to what was transpiring after he heard Lucas state that he and Addison got married. Five wasn't shocked by their young age, nor the short time frame in which they were reunited and then married. He was just surprised that a wedding had occurred. It felt like the universe was sending him gut punch after gut punch when it came to marriage. The hallucination, the ballroom, the ring, and now this! He didn't know if the universe was trying to push him in a direction or just down an emotional spike pit. Still in disbelief Five restated aloud,
"They're married?"
"They sure are! I married them last night!" Kenny exclaimed
Five looked from Kenny over to Lucas and Addison. There was love in their eyes as they looked at each other. They had no cares except each other even if the world was ending. Five couldn't help but feel a jolt of jealousy run through him. It wasn't fair that he was burdened with saving the world while everyone else got to do as they pleased. But these were your friends and it felt wrong to be upset at their happiness. In an effort to hide his feelings, Five picked up his drink taking a big sip of the liquor within. But as he did so Kenny spoke up commenting,
"Why are you and (Y/N) looking to get married? I'm legally ordained, I can marry you two right now."
Hearing those words, Five began to choke on his drink, and whiskey, a drink that typically would go down smooth, did anything but. Five's mind darted all over the place as he processed Kenny's words. Married? Now? No, you couldn't. He hadn't proposed. But he had a ring in his pocket. So he could. Surrounded by friends and family is kind of romantic, right? But he just announced the end of the world, and that certainly wasn't. And this was nothing like he planned in his head. But if the world kept sending him signs maybe the two of you should just bite the bullet? As his mind raced and he coughed on his drink, his eyes darted over toward you trying to gauge your reaction. However, he was only met with a look of concern probably because he was literally and metaphorically choking. With no context clues from you on how to respond, Five stuttered, trying to get any response out,
I- uh- well- we-"
"Kenny! This is the seventh time you've done this in the past day!" Bren reprimanded, smacking the back of Kenny's head "Stop asking people if they want to get married!"
Relieved by Bren cutting him off, Five managed to pull himself together. This was going terribly. He could anticipate the way his siblings reacted to situations or the types of comments they would make, but he couldn't say the same for your friends. Glancing over at you again, he saw as you calmly sipped from your glass watching your two friends bicker.
"What! Nothing speeds up major life decisions like the end of everything!" Kenny replied exasperated at Bren's disapproval
"Some of them weren't even couples!" Bren shot back
You were completely unaffected by this. It was honestly impressive. Then again this is what you dealt with for years, you must've been used to it by now. But as you lowered your glass he noticed something else. You smiled. Curious, he leaned closer to you and asked,
"You're happy they're fighting?"
"They're best friends, it's not fighting to them." You replied taking another sip from your glass "And there's comfort in the chaos."
"How so?" Five inquired
"It's familiar." You answered, "Reminds me of times before well...y'know."
"Oh." Five said aloud "Right."
Five's eyes averted your gaze and his head turned slightly to look away from you. Perhaps it was unconscious to him, but you could sense the shift in his demeanor. Placing your hand on his cheek you gently turned his face to look at you. You could feel as he leaned into your touch. It seemed that with every curveball life threw at him he needed these small gestures of affection more and more, and you would never deny him the love he both needed and deserved. With his gaze returning to you, you looked back at him softly.
"They're here and you're here, and that's all I want at this point." You cooed "So stop worrying about me and put that smart brain of yours toward coming up with a plan."
"I can never stop worrying about you." Five replied gently
"Maybe you should." Allison jabbed "Do you even have a plan, Five?"
The harsh comment caught the attention of everyone else as they all turned their gazes to Five. However, Five looked toward his sister, an irritated look was plastered across her face. He knew what her problem was, but he felt no reason to engage with her. If she didn't want to accept reality and blame it on everyone else that was her problem to deal with. Not Five's. Turning away from his sister, he looked at the wider crowd around the bar.
"Well, the best plan is to go back in time and eliminate the paradox and destroy whatever it was that took out our mothers and stop the Kugelblitz before it starts," Five explained, "But we can't do that. Briefcase is kaput."
"And why the hell can't you just jump us out of here?" Allison complained
"Last time I tried that, we all got trapped in time. Do you really wanna risk that again?" Five questioned back
Leaning over to Addison and Viktoria, you lowered your voice as you told them,
"I'd risk it if you guys could come this time."
"Let's go to a timeline where Spider-Man is real and falls instantly in love with you." Viktoria jokingly whispered back
"Jeez, Viktoria wants to see a fight." Addison quietly chimed in
"A fight? Viktoria wants to see a homicide." You quietly shot back
"Well, do you want to see a homicide?" Addison teasingly inquired
Your eyes darted over to your boyfriend as you recalled the time you and he killed the board of directors for the commission. The way he was covered in blood and the determined look in his eyes. God, he was so hot. Honestly, part of you wanted to see what he was like jealous. And the thought of him getting in a fight over you? Well, now that was appealing. You were surely willing to lose Spider-Man if you got to see that. With a smirk on your face, you looked back at Addison and Viktoria as you replied unseriously,
"Whaaat? Noooo...that would be crazy."
The three of you attempted to stifle your laughter so as not to distract the Hargreeves from their incessant bickering over what to do now. But as you tried to enjoy the moment with your friends, Dean noticed a trio of figures heading toward the bar. Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves, and some random kid, who he could only assume was Diego's oops baby. Whatever joy he may have felt from seeing his friends having a good time together disappeared the moment he saw Diego's stupid face. Instead, anger began to build up inside Dean as he recalled the things you had told him that Diego had done recently that upset you. He knew he was the better brother. He had never done anything to hurt you like Diego had and one way or another, he was going to make Diego recognize how badly he fucked up. As the trio finally arrived at the bar, and Diego walked up beside Lila, Dean commented sarcastically,
"Wow, what a surprise. The deadbeat actually showed up."
"Mine didn't..." Kenny mentioned
"This isn't about you, Kenny." Dean replied
While Dean's comments didn't phase your friends, some sideways glances were sent Dean's way including one from you. However, unlike the Hargreeves, your glance was that of concern.
Dean was...passionate.
He felt things very deeply and had a tendency to express his feelings openly. And he wasn't one to shy away from an argument either. Or a fight.
You hoped that his comment was a one-off jab, but knowing him you'd have to keep a watchful eye out. 
As Stan stood next to Diego, he looked around at the people around the bar. Some of the faces were familiar to him but there were a number that he had never seen before. Looking to Diego, Stan asked,
"Who are all these people?"
"Oh, and he brought the sentient jizz stain too." Dean remarked
Like the rest of his siblings, Diego gave another sideways glance toward Dean. However, unlike the disbelief on their faces, Diego's reaction was more disgruntled. He couldn't recall much of this kid, but he knew one thing, he was your friend. Looking around the bar, to much relief, he saw you sitting across the way.
Your eyes caught Diego's for a moment, and from his face, you knew what he was looking at you for, and unsurprisingly, it wasn't the fact that you were missing for almost two days. There was no sense of concern on his face, only an annoyed look as his eyes flicked over to Dean before looking back at you. Pretending not to have noticed his gaze, you summoned Viktoria's phone which you had dropped earlier, to your hand and began to start scrolling through it again. You felt no incentive to stop Dean's comments because honestly, you co-signed his sentiments. You couldn't make comments like his without stirring the waters between all the Hargreeves, but Dean could make his comments freely without causing too much interpersonal drama. So unless you felt like he was about to get hurt, there was no reason for you to intervene.
Lila however, did not appreciate Dean's comments. Turning around to look at him, she criticized,
"Hey, don't be mean to my kid."
"Hey, nobody asked Wrong Direction." Dean replied, mocking her tone "And for your information, nobody here believes that the sex trophy- no- participation award- is actually yours."
Lila's eyes darted around the rest of your friend group, only to be met with disgusted glares or smug smirks. Did you all know the truth? Did you know that Stan wasn't her or Diego's child? Or was it only a comment made to catch her off guard? Either way, there was a slight unease at the thought that made her keep quiet. But before she could think of something to say, Klaus walked up to the bar, grabbing a glass out of Five's hand, as he stated,
"Gimme that."
"What happened to you?" Five questioned, looking at the blood on his shirt
"Oh, just a speargun to the chest. I died. No big deal." Klaus replied
"Oh neat! Did you meet the girl on the bike?" Kenny asked
"No, thankfully I didn't have to deal with her," Klaus answered, taking a sip from the glass
But as he drank, he realized the voice that had asked the question was unfamiliar. It didn't belong to one of his siblings, or you, or Lila. Placing his glass down he looked over to where the unknown voice came from only to be met with a teen boy who looked just like Klaus in his youth. It took a moment, but through his resurrection haze, he vaguely recognized the boy as the one from years ago at the bowling alley. Klaus paused for a moment. The little girl on the bike, aka god, could only be met on the other side. Not even ghosts who stuck around on this plane of existence knew who she was. So how did this kid, who was very much alive, know of her?
"I'm sorry- how do you know god?" Klaus questioned
"I've met her. I see her sometimes when I pass out at parties. She adores me." Kenny replied enthusiastically
Kenny's response left Klaus with more questions than answers. This kid met god? And multiple times at that? How? He would've had to die to have met god. Did he die? Was this kid also immortal somehow? And what did he mean by she adores him? Klaus' experiences with her were filled with annoyance, so why was he welcome?
"I have follow-up questions," Klaus stated aloud
"This isn't about you, Klaus." Diego interjected, before looking at Lila and asking "What did we miss?"
"The universe is ending, and we're all going to die," Lila answered
"You say it as if it isn't your fault..." Dean scoffed
Diego's head whipped over to look at Dean. He had only made a few comments, but those few were more than enough, and Diego was tired of his shit. Trying to get an answer for his actions, Diego stepped up toward Dean and snapped,
"What is your deal?"
Dean scowled at Diego and rage burned inside him. Dean hated Diego for all the ways he had upset you. He hated him for forgetting Eudora once she died. He hated him for hooking up with the first person who gave him attention after Eudora's death. He hated him for being stupid and getting said person knocked up. He hated him for abandoning you consistently throughout that process when you needed him now more than ever. He hated that even through all of that he had the gall to still consider himself a brother to you. But most of all, he hated that he actually looked up to such a degenerate scumbag for so long. Taking a step toward Diego, with fire in his eyes and vile in his tone, Dean shouted back,
"My deal is that you've got a lot of nerve showing up here, fucking Benedict Arnold."
And with that, it was time for you to intervene because whatever was coming after this wasn't going to be pretty. Flashing over to Dean, you placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back a few steps. Lowering your voice, you asked,
"What are you trying to do? Start a turf war in the middle of this shithole?"
"No, I'm saying what needs to be said," Dean replied before raising his voice and loudly stating "But I wouldn't mind getting a few swings on the infidelity duo over there."
"Stop that." You chastised "You're going to get hurt."
"No I won't," Dean refuted "With you I'm already on the winning side."
Dean was right, if he got in a fight with Diego you would take his side. And on top of that if you could solo all the Sparrows you could 100% take down all the Umbrellas. Well...so long as you beat Viktor to the punch, but that wasn't important. No matter how capable of a fighter Dean was, and he was capable, you didn't want him to get hurt.
"Dean no," You said pushing him a little further from Diego and Lila "Just take the high ground. Please."
Dean was your twin brother, and if you made a decision or suggestion, he was always the first to accept and respect it. If he backed down now then hopefully Diego would resign himself as well. You watched as Dean looked at you, his face softened upon seeing your pleading gaze. Placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, he looked at you sincerely as he replied,
"No."
Your pleading look turned to confusion as Dean sidestepped you and locked eyes on Diego. Marching over to him with his gaze unbreaking, Dean's rage came back in full swing as he angrily shouted,
"Fuck you Diego Hargreeves you traitorous ass bitch! I regret looking up to a two-faced adulterous prick like you. I hope you constantly stub your toe. I hope your dick falls off. I hope all of your knife attacks miss even with your bitch ass powers. I hope your pet sperm right there is a lifelong disappointment like you. I hope you ruin your life and don't realize it until it's too late you snake-ass No Belt Prize-winning whore."
You look at Dean in disbelief. He rarely even went against you, especially not after the incident when you were seventeen. However, it seemed that currently, his emotions were stronger than his judgment. You readied yourself to jump between the two of them, but you paused as you felt tension fill the air. It wasn't the type of tension that came from people disagreeing though. No, this was the tension that built before something snapped.
"(Y/N), are you gonna do anything about him?" Diego angrily asked
You didn't respond. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you sensed something growing in energy. Slowly, you turned your head to look in the direction of the sensation only to be met with a terrible omen. You saw as the molecules around you began to vibrate faster and faster and faster. More than they typically did. A knot formed in the pit of your stomach as you stared down the danger heading your way.
Breaking his gaze on Diego, Dean looked at you. Immediately, he clocked the way your hands shook at your sides and the slight staggering of your breathing. Were you okay?
"(Y/N)?" Dean called concerned
You couldn't respond. You couldn't move. You couldn't do anything except prepare for what was coming. And while no words escaped your lips, you only had one thought,
Help.
Hearing your thought, Dean pushed Diego out of the way and as another wave of the Kugelblitz hit you and you began to collapse to the floor, Dean caught you from behind and brought you to the ground. The pain was searing as you now lay on the ground, your head resting in Dean's lap. The energy of the wave ripped at you causing the prior gashes on your cheek and hand to reopen, while new ones formed on your forearm and collarbone. Blood seeped from the wounds as you looked up at Dean for help. You tried to speak but your breath caught in your throat. No. It wasn't just caught. 
You couldn't breathe. 
Fear filled your eyes as you attempted to gasp for air only to be met with nothing. Dean held your face in his hands, fear reflected in his eyes as he watched you struggle. His mind raced back to that day in the warehouse. He couldn't let that happen again. Looking up, with a tremble in his voice, Dean called out,
"Guys h-help."
But by the time he had finished his plea the rest of your friends were already surrounding you. Kneeling in a circle on the ground, your friends' bodies unintentionally created a wall keeping others away from you, including that of Five. He tried to get close, tried to kneel by your side like the rest of them, but there was just no space. And so, he was relegated to just standing and watching in fear as you struggled against something completely out of his control. 
As fear coursed through the veins of all your friends, Kenny knew he had to do something. Of course he was scared for you, you were his friend, but he couldn't let his fear get in the way of helping you. He was the most qualified in this situation after all. Taking a deep breath he calmed his nerves, and as he had done many times before in his EMT job, he quickly began to control the situation. He first looked toward Bren, who was kneeling to the left of him, and commanded,
"Grab my bag. Now."
Quickly, Bren pulled out one of his whips and snapped it towards the medbag that Kenny had miraculously brought in with him. Snagging the bag's handle, Bren pulled his whip back toward him. With the medbag in hand, he passed it over to Kenny who immediately opened it. 
As Kenny put on a pair of latex gloves, he looked at Addison and directed,
"You need to get her to breathe. I don't have the supplies to monitor her this time if she loses consciousness again."
With a quick nod of her head, Addison turned her attention back toward you. Hesitantly, Dean removed his hands from the sides of your face as he now let Addison hold it. Your eyes were glassy from the lack of oxygen, but the fear behind him as you fought to stay conscious was ever-present. Gently, she maneuvered your head to meet her gaze and when your eyes were focused on her she stated,
"(Y/N), I need you to breathe. It can be a gulp, it can be a gasp, but you need to breathe. NOW."
As her words hit your ears and you saw the serious look in her eye you felt compelled to do what she said. Pushing through the pain, you found the strength within yourself to breathe. Taking in large gasping breaths, the world came into more focus, but each breath felt like a dozen knives cutting into your lungs. You wondered if death would be less painful than this.
Your thought didn't matter though as Kenny had already decided that you were not dying today. With you finally managing to breathe he began the process of quickly fixing you up. Using a large rubber band, he tied it tightly just above your elbow to cut the circulation of blood off and stop the gash on your forearm from bleeding out. With the largest problem mitigated for now, he used alcohol wipes to clean up the blood and disinfect your other open wounds before placing medical tape over them.
You let out a scream as the alcohol stung your gashes. The world was already tearing you to shreds from the inside and the sting of the alcohol, although minor in comparison, hurt like a bitch when combined with the pain of the wave.
"Hold on to my arm. You can grip it til the pain stops." Lucas encouraged as he switched spots with Addison
Your hand shakily moved to grab his arm, but you hesitated for a moment. If you grabbed him, it was going to be tight. The pain was unyielding. You didn't want to bruise him. You thought,
 I don't want to hurt him.
Dean looked away from you for only a moment as he met Lucas' eye and informed him,
"She doesn't want to hurt you."
Lucas looked away from Dean and back toward you. Taking your hand, he placed it on his arm. He knew why you of all people would hesitate, but you were always there for him when he was hurting and now he was going to do the same for you. With sincerity in his tone, Lucas stated,
"(Y/N), you could never hurt me."
 You gave him a weak smile, but tears fell from your eyes as you internally begged for this to be over. With each wave, the time between starting and stopping increased, just as the intensity of the pain you felt grew too. You shut your eyes tightly, but opened them again as you felt someone wipe away your tears. You looked up at Dean who, just like when this ordeal started, held your face gently in his hands.
"You're gonna be okay. I'm here. I'm he-here this time. I'm gonna k-keep you safe. I swear." Dean comforted as he tried to choke back sobs, "Just keep your eyes open. Please just keep your eyes open." 
With the hand that wasn't holding Lucas' arm, you shakily reached up and wiped your brother's tears away. 
"You're the one in pain, y-you shouldn't be worried about us." Dean slightly joked, his voice still wavering
Through gritted teeth, you managed to smile slightly. You loved your friends so much. They meant everything to you and in a time like this, where they all worried for you, you needed them to know.
"I...love...you guys." You managed to get out, "Don't...let...me go."
"We could never let you go." Vitoria responded
"Yeah, you matter far too much." Addison added
"You're our glitter glue, remember?" Lucas reminded "You keep us together."
"Not just that, you're our family." Kenny mentioned
"If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be us." Bren stated
"We love you." Dean replied, "Never forget that."
Even through the fear and the sadness, you could see the beginnings of smiles on your friends' faces. You could feel as they all got closer and each of them tried to hold some part of you. You could feel it as the wave became stronger again. It was finally returning. Even though it hadn't been more than a minute or two it felt like forever, but you could feel that this would be over soon. You closed your eyes tightly and focused on the feeling of your friends surrounding you as the wave finally went past. And when it stopped everything around you felt...lighter. 
Opening your eyes, you took a deep breath and fortunately, it didn't feel like you were being pierced repeatedly anymore. You didn't have the strength in you to stand yet, but you did manage to get yourself to kneel. With your mind no longer focused on the pain you felt, you looked for your friends, but they were nowhere to be found. All that you could immediately see were the shocked or horror-filled faces of the Hargreeves. Why were they looking at you like that? You looked up at Five, his jaw was slightly agape and sadness swirled in his eyes. Looking down at yourself, you saw blood stains and gauze litter your body. Oh. He was probably so worried about you. Turning your gaze back to Five, you gave him a weak smile.
"It's not that bad. Kenny can take care of it." You comforted before looking around and asking, "Where is he? Where are my friends?"
Five's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he heard your question. How could he look you in the eyes and tell you that all of your friends were gone? As you struggled with the pain of the kugel wave, he watched as all of your friends got blitzed. Quickly, quietly, and god, hopefully painlessly they vanished. How could he explain this without breaking your heart?
"Love...they..." Five tried to speak
He stopped. He couldn't get the words out. 
"What?" You questioned concerned "Where are they?"
"Ma cherie..." He replied mournfully
His lack of response worried you. Frantically, you began to look around the area for your friends again, but you still couldn't see any of them. It wouldn't be like them to leave your side when you were injured. They had never done so before. They always stayed closed until they knew you were okay. Where were they? Using your powers you tried to sense their molecules, but there were only faint traces in the area from loose hairs and skin cells. Your head whipped back and forth in a panic searching for any sign of them when you saw a glint out of the corner of your eye. You reached back for the sparking object, took it in your hand, and turned to look down upon it. There in the palm of your hand was a set of car keys.
Dean's car keys.
His car was his prized possession. Veronica was his baby. He never forgot his keys. He never lost his keys. He never went anywhere without his keys. But if these were here and he wasn't...
Oh god...
No.
A blood-curdling scream erupted from your throat as you clenched the keys against your chest. They were gone. They were gone and it was all your fault. You bought them here to keep them all safe and now you had none of them. Your body hunched over as you gasped for breath between your screams and sobs. Your face was red as tears streamed down in messy streaks with nowhere to go except the floor where your friends' once kneeled at your side.
Dropping to his knees, Five wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into him. He held you as tight as he could and ran a gentle hand through your hair as he tried to soothe you. His efforts didn't do much at all though, and how could he expect them to? If he was in your place, if it was you that he lost, he'd be inconsolable. 
"THEY PROMISED!" You shouted grief-stricken "THEY PROMISED WE'D STAY TOGETHER!!!"
"I'm sorry my love." Five tried to comfort "I'm so sorry."
Looking at your boyfriend, you tightly grabbed his jacket, the material balling in your hands as you begged,
"Baby, bring them back. Please."
"I- I can't..." Five sorrowfully replied
"Yes you can! Just reverse time! Bring them back!" You cried
If Five could've brought your friends back, he would've done it already. The sight of you in so much emotional distress was somehow more painful than seeing the way the kugel waves affected you. In either case, he had no control over what happened, but he wished he did.
"I can't...I used all my energy to get back here." Five lamented "And even if I could, I can't stop the kugel wave from happening."
You could feel your chest tighten and another piece of your ever-fragile heart shatter as you struggled with the fact that you got your friends back only to lose them again. Pain morphed into anger as you pushed Five away shouting,
"WHAT GOOD ARE TIME POWERS IF YOU CAN'T EVEN FUCKING USE THEM!"
Your words stung and it hurt Five that you pushed him away, but he knew that you were only acting out of grief. You didn't mean it, you were just hurt.
Quickly, your anger came and went as the feeling of overwhelming grief returned. Dropping Dean's keys on the ground in front of you, you threw your head into your hands as you let out another mix of uncontrollable sobs and anguish-filled screams. As you cried the lights in the area began to flicker and nearby objects rattled in their place.
Seeing the disturbance in the area, Stan, who was already on edge from accidentally killing Klaus and witnessing a bunch of people disappear, became frightened. Looking up at Diego, he said nervously,
"Dad, I'm scared."
Hearing Stan speak, you looked over in the direction of his voice. Oh? He was scared? What did he have to be scared of? He wasn't the one bleeding out, nor the one who just lost six loved ones. You were. If anyone was scared and in need of comfort, it was YOU.  You saw as Diego looked at you. There was concern on his face and for a moment you thought he would come over to you. But then he looked at Stan behind him and you watched as Diego, literally and figuratively, turned his back on you to hug Stanley. And in that moment, something in you broke as you realized you had no family left. 
Diego knew that you were the cause of the flickering lights and shaking objects. Occasionally,  when your emotions became too extreme it caused your powers to affect the world around you. He needed to calm you down, and things would return to normal. Letting go of Stan, Diego looked at him and comforted,
"It'll be okay. Just give me a second."
Turning from Stan, Diego began to walk over to you. Your face was wet from tears, but adrenaline rushed through your veins as he approached. You couldn't stand to be near him. Fury outweighed your body's weak unease as you began to push yourself to your feet. Seeing you try to stand, Diego took  your arm to help you up, but you quickly shook him off as you demanded,
"Don't touch me!"
"I just want to help," Diego explained
"No! Go away!" You yelled
"Let me just-" Diego began to say as he tried to take your arm once more
Like a storm in your mind, waves of emotions all clashed together. Sadness. Grief. Betrayal. Anger. Abandonment. Mixing together they were a recipe for unimaginable sorrow. You weren't just hurt, you were broken. Why did Diego want to help you now? He didn't rush to your side, like Five or your friends, when the wave hit. He didn't hold you and tell you you'll be okay as the world ripped you apart. He didn't comfort you as you realized all your friends were gone. He did none of those things. But you knew who would've.
Your dad.
You were his little anomaly. His perfect little girl. Your dad loved you so dearly and if he was here he would've been by your side already. How dare Diego, in the aftermath of everything, now decide to come over to you. How dare he now decide you were important enough to help. You didn't want his help! You didn't want him! You wanted your dad! Rage, strengthened by your grief, engulfed you as you shouted harshly,
"YOU'RE NOT MY DAD, DIEGO!"
A heavy silence fell over the group as your words echoed through the area. As you finally managed to get to your feet, you bent down and picked up the roll of gauze from Kenny's med bag. You refused to look at Diego and instead opted to wrap up the wave-induced gash on your forearm, but all Diego could look at was you.
A clenching feeling formed in his chest as your words rang through his head. Diego knew he wasn't your dad. He never touted himself as such and yet your words hurt him more than anything his own father had ever said to him. You only said it because you were lashing out, right? You were upset about your friends and so you were lashing out at others? That had to be it. Diego saw you lash out at Five, and you loved Five, so you were probably just lashing out at him too. Taking a step toward you, Diego reassured,
"I just want to take care of you..."
As Diego took a step forward, you took a step back. Finally looking at him you could see the hurt in his eyes. For a moment you felt your anger falter, but as you processed what he had just said, the flame reignited.
"Oh, now you wanna take care of me?" You question sarcastically before gesturing to Stan and Lila "How about you go take care of Stan because apparently the random kid that shows up out of nowhere looking nothing like you OR Lila is more important than the one you fucking raised!"
"Princess..." Diego cooed
"No! You don't get to call me that and expect me to just- to just run into your arms and say it's okay!" You rebuked before angrily questioning "Don't you understand why I'm upset?"
Of course he knew why you were upset, especially after the comment you had just made. It was the same reason that you were upset this whole past week. It had to be about Lila. Yes, she did try to kill you, and yes, she did show up out of nowhere again a few days ago, but a reaction this large seemed a bit much.
"Prin-(Y/N), is this about Lila again?" Diego asked
Lila? He thought this was about Lila? Sure, she tried to kill you which was annoying, and yeah, she did show up again without any real consequences for her actions, but this wasn't about her. And in that moment, you came to realize that none of it was ever really about her. These feelings took root not through her actions, but his.
"Oh my god! It was never about Lila! It was about YOU!" You snapped at him "God forbid I didn't want to see you as a bad person. I wanted a reason, a scapegoat, something to explain your shitty actions!" 
Your statement took Diego aback. What did you mean this was about him? What had he done? He was so confused, but he wasn't the only one confused either. Five looked over to Lila who was already looking over at him. She tilted her head to the side with a confused look on her face as if to ask him for clarity, but all Five could do was shrug. This was a new development for him too. Granted, it's not like you two had the time to talk about it either, but nevertheless, he knew nothing about this.
"I don't understand." Diego replied confused
You thought back on memories with Diego. So many of them that had once brought you joy or comfort now felt different. They felt tainted. You didn't know if you were finally seeing clearly or if your pain was causing you to look at them in a bad light. And then you thought about the day that Diego and Eudora split. How she wanted him to stop trying to be a hero and to focus on their relationship, and he refused. His desire to be a hero trumped his desire to be with her. All this time, did he ever actually care about you or was he only concerned about being viewed as a hero in someone's eyes? Lila was giving him the attention he had wanted from Eudora, and as of late, he seemed to focus more on Stan because Stan was focused on him. Your burning anger flattened into a calm rage. Your heart rate slowed, you straightened your posture, and your face showed no clear emotion as you looked Diego in the eye.
"I do. I see it so clearly now." You explained monotonously "You don't care about me anymore."
"What?! Of course, I do!" Diego exclaimed
Of course, he cared about you. Why would you say such a thing? You were his little sister. His princess! He had always cared about you. He didn't know what he had done to make you think otherwise, but it wasn't true. His bottom lip started to quiver as he wondered why this was happening.
Seeing the pain in his eyes, you started to rethink yourself. This was Diego. Your Eggo, your older brother. He was the one who came in the middle of the night to the academy when you were still hallucinating the young Umbrella Academy and made them go away. He was the one who comforted you when you had nightmares and held you til you fell back asleep. He took you to all your first days of school. He was there for all of your accomplishments. He took you to tour colleges. If none of this had happened then two months from now he would've been sitting at your graduation. No, you had to be thinking wrong. You were going to give him a chance, an olive branch, to prove to your broken heart and possibly clouded judgment that he did care about you. Taking a deep breath, you tried to center yourself before speaking. It was going to hurt to bring this up, but in your mind, it was the only way to know if he cared or not. Letting out your breath, you questioned,
"If you care about me then acknowledge Eudora. I just want you to acknowledge that she existed. That she was real and she was ours. I want you to remember what she meant to us, but you avoid the topic of her like the plague. So tell me, was she real to you like she was real to me?" You questioned
Diego looked at you blankly. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't prepared for a conversation like this. Not here, not now. He didn't want to do this. He didn't even know if he could.  
His silence didn't help you though. Why wouldn't he talk about her? All you wanted from him was to say something to show she was still in his mind. That the memories you created together were still there. Anything to prove he loved and cared for her and what you all had. Hurt bubbled inside you again followed by a slow anger. You needed an answer.
"Did you love her, Diego?" You pressed "Or did you stop caring the moment you couldn't be a hero to her anymore?"
Your questions weren't fair. He wasn't ready to speak about this, especially not with Lila around. He loved Lila. How could he have this conversation without the possibility of making her feel less than or secondary? This wasn't a conversation for her to be a part of. At least not yet. Why were you so determined? Why was this the hill that you had decided was so important to die on?
"(Y/N), it's-  it's complicated." Diego tried to explain
Complicated? How? Why? What was so complicated about remembering a person you loved? Anguish and anger swirled together as Diego's words, or lack thereof, affected you. Whatever composure you had tried to build quickly slipped away. Why couldn't he give you this? Why couldn't he even say her name? At this point that would be enough. Your throat and chest clenched tightly as if your body was caving in on itself, and tears streamed from your eyes as you wondered why he was hurting you like this?
"ANSWER THE QUESTION! DID YOU LOVE HER?" You demanded, your voice trembling as you begged for an answer, "DID YOU LOVE US?"
Diego looked at you silently, tears pricking his eyes, and the words he wanted to say caught in his throat. Of course, he loved her. He loved both of you. For so long, you two were his entire world. But he couldn't acknowledge Eudora. If he did it made her loss real. It made her death final. Even if he tried, he would never be able to forget her because you were so much like her. The way you cared for others, the way your face scrunched when you were upset, the joyful light in your eyes as you looked at him, and your resilience when things got tough. All these little quirks you had were glimpses of her. Looking at you was like looking at the last piece he had of her. It had been years for you, but it had only been three months for him. He couldn't do it. 
"(Y/N)- I-..." He tried to speak, his voice stuttering
But it was too late. He took too long to answer. And to you, that meant only one thing, he never actually loved you or Eudora. He never cared. All the things that he did, all of those moments of kindness were in search of admiration, not love. When you looked at him now, there was pain, and there was anger, but most of all there was resentment. You resented the fact that all these years, all those moments that you thought were genuine, were all just for a stupid ego boost. Your happiness never meant anything to him. And just like that your mood swung again, and your emotions disappeared. You felt nothing. You felt empty. You looked at Diego, with eyes that no longer had light in them and quietly stated,
"I'm glad she doesn't remember who I am because at least it means that she never knew you either."
Your words hit Diego like a ton of bricks. Not only because of how they impacted them but also because of the weight of what you meant. If she didn't remember you, that meant she was here. It meant she was alive. 
"She's alive? You saw her?" Diego asked sincerely
You didn't understand why he cared now? Now that she was possibly alive he wanted to acknowledge Eudora? What a selfish fucking prick. 
"I'm not going to tell you because you don't deserve to know her anymore. What I will tell you is that she loved you so much, but time and time again you choose to stroke your massive ego and play hero to others over the people already around you. And I know now that I'm not worth being around for when you have the amazing opportunity to play hero for these two."
"(Y/N), it's not like that." Diego responded
It was at this moment, knowing what Lila knew now, that everything finally clicked together, and she felt stupid for not seeing it sooner. As you had said, it was never about her or what she did. Except for trying to kill you and Five, but that wasn't the point. You had shouted that your parents were dead and that Diego raised you and she could assume that by extension this Eudora did too. Wasn't too hard to conclude that Diego had replaced your dad, and Eudora had replaced your mom. It was, mostly, never what she did that upset you so much, it was what she represented. Like your mini-Diego-looking friend said, she was a homewrecker, Diego was a traitor and they both were adulterers. He said those things because that's how you viewed the situation. You weren't a sister upset that her brother got a new girlfriend, you were a child watching their parent replace the other one. It was no wonder Diego was doing a relatively decent job with Stan, he had already done it before. With you.
However, you didn't want to hear what Diego had to say. You were done with him. Completely. In totality. Forever.
"You don't need to explain, because I don't need you anymore." You spat "I actually don't need anything from you anymore."
Pulling all the knives off your body, you tossed them to the ground in front of Diego. You had your powers, you didn't need some stupid knives to fight with. They didn't mean anything to you anymore. They were just worthless metal to you.
But to Diego, this was salt in the wound. These knives were gifts given to commemorate celebrations or important events. Birthdays, winning your first boxing match, getting your license, etc. These were the physical embodiment of his proudest days of you. Why? Why were you tossing them back?
"(Y/N), no..." Diego begged
"Go on, give them to Stan since he's the one you care about. I promise I won't get in the way of your happy little family ever again." You explained in a sarcastically cheerful tone before flatly stating "From now on, I only ever had one brother, and he died trying to keep me safe."
Hearing those words, Diego became paralyzed. It felt like time had stopped moving but that certainly wasn't true. Everything happened so fast and he didn't know how he got to this point. What had he done to cause this outcome? How many times had he unintentionally hurt you that now you wanted nothing to do with him? At that moment, it felt like a large part of him died because he didn't just lose you, he lost Eudora. The light In your eyes that you both shared when you looked at him was gone. How could he have let this happen?
Lila looked between you and Diego. He looked so broken...so defeated. She never wanted this for Diego. She might've disagreed with you, but she loved Diego and Diego loved you. Part of her felt like this was her fault, even if you said it wasn't. You were just a scared, hurt child looking for love, and whatever you were looking for you didn't get. And now, to you, all your parents were dead. In a way, Lila could relate. When she had lost her parents and was taken in by The Handler all she wanted was to know she was loved. But like her, you didn't get it, and now you were lost. Maybe there was a reason why these people loved you. Maybe she had misjudged you this whole time. Maybe you two were more similar than you were different. 
You however couldn't stand to be here anymore. This place felt heavy like an inescapable weight was crushing you. It was suffocating being in a place with so much misery. You needed to leave. Grabbing Dean's keys from the floor and summoning Viktoria's phone to your hand, you turned without saying a word and began to head to the front door. 
 Mimicking Five's powers, Lila jumped over to you and grabbed your wrist to stop you. Looking back, you expected to see your boyfriend but were surprised to see it was Lila who had stopped you.
"Where are you going?" Lila asked "The world is ending and you're a bloody mess. Literally."
"Why do you care?" You replied, "I thought you wanted me dead."
Right. Lila may have realized that your hatred was misplaced, but you had not realized that hers was as well. She was gonna have to work on that. 
Phasing your wrist through her grasp, you tried to walk away once more. You need to get away from this place. Away from Diego. Away from the Umbrella Academy and the end of the world. You weren't a hero. You were never meant to be a hero. Saving the world was never supposed to be your responsibility. 
You needed space, but the Hargreeves knew they needed you for this. Trying to get you to stop and reconsider Luther blurted out,
"What about the Kugelblitz? We need you to help figure out all the-the- y'know- your powers and stuff. We're family!"
Hearing that word you stopped in place. Family. How dare he use that word like some type of "gotcha". That word was supposed to mean something, and it did mean something to you. It meant so much more than just the definition in the book. It was a representation of all the people you had loved. All the people who you lived and fought for. All the people who had loved you to their dying breath. All the people who were now gone forever. To treat that word like a quid-pro-quo was like a slap in the face. You seethed at his negligence and slowly turned on your heel to face the Umbrella Academy.
"Family?" You questioned angrily "You use that word so frivolously. What do you know about family? What do ANY of you know about family?"
"I don't think I understand the question." Luther replied
"Of course you don't. Because you're all selfish, stunted, pathetic adults." You remarked spitefully "You don't view me as family. You guys only use the word family when you need something."
"That's not true. We're a family." Viktor retorted
"No you're not. You are a group of people who share a last name." You spat "You wouldn't know the first thing about family if it manifested as an entity and punched you in your fucking faces."
"(Y/N), you don't mean that..." Diego pleaded
God you were sick of these people! You said what you said and you meant it. They had no clue about what it meant to be a family. They had no respect for each other. They only ever came together to help each other when it was too late. You sacrificed everything for these people and none of them would do the same. They found out your parents died and they didn't care. They watched you struggle on the ground, bleeding and screaming, and they didn't step up. They saw all your friends vanish and offered no condolences. If you were in their shoes you would already been trying to help them, but they didn't care to do the same. You were done with them. Going on a tirade, you shouted,
"I DO! I treated you like family! I lost my parents, and friends, and the lives I built trying to help you all because I cared for you! I LOVED you! And besides my fucking boyfriend, who is the only one here who seems to care, none of you would do the same for me! The only one of you who ever genuinely treated me like family was Ben. And he's gone! I've lost EVERYTHING! I have NO FRIENDS! NO FAMILY! NO HOME! AND IT'S ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULTS! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!"
A heavy silence fell over the group as you caught your breath from yelling so much. To Allison, she didn't care much for your anger, you had no interest in finding her daughter so why should she care for your parents or friends? For Diego, this only worsened the heartbreak he already felt. He had failed you. And for Luther and Viktor, they felt like kids again, this aching feeling reminiscent of the day they realized you had disappeared along with Five. Their first friend, the first person who loved them for who they were, was lost again.
And then there was Five whose guilt had no bounds. He felt terrible seeing how upset you were, shameful that he couldn't prevent or change the events that led to this moment. The amount of pain you were going through was probably unimaginable, and even though you singled him out and separated him from his siblings as the only person who cared, he still felt guilty for his impact on your life. You had told him multiple times since he returned to you that you didn't blame him, but in a way, he was still the catalyst. That original time jump may have been an accident, but its impacts were very much real. You had put helping others first for so long that you never asked for help yourself. He wished he knew how to fix this. He had to find a way. 
Turning on your heel once more, you started to make your way to the doors again. You were getting out of here and nothing was going to stop you this time. Except that's never how it goes, does it? Immediately as you started walking away you felt a minor molecular disturbance behind you and someone gently take your hand. You knew who it was. It was the only person who could break your conviction. The only person who could make you want to stay. Slowly, you turned around to look at Five. His green eyes filled with sadness and concern as he looked over you. 
"Baby, please don't go." Five begged
God, why did he have to do this? Your heart ached looking at him. You never wanted your life with him to be like this. To be one filled with trials and tribulations. When you got real moments together everything was so beautiful, the world felt brighter, and your heart felt light. Why couldn't you just run away with him? Forget the world, cope with the pain of the kugel waves, and spend your last days together. Why did life have to be this way? Why couldn't you two just be happy? tears welled in your eyes once more as your strong composure quickly faltered.
"I can't do this..." you whispered, trying not to cry
"And I can't let you go..." Five replied desperately
"Th-that's not fair." You rebuked stuttering over your words "I-I let you go when I didn't want you to."
Five grasped your hand tighter. You were right, just a few days ago you were in his place begging him not to go, but let him anyway. He'd be a hypocrite to not let you do the same, but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. Looking you over, you were injured, bloodied, covered in gauze that was slowly turning red, and he knew for a fact you were not in a rational headspace. He couldn't blame you for any of it, the circumstances leading to this were out of your control, but his head was screaming at him to hold onto you. 
"What if something happens?" Five questioned concerned "Another kugel wave and I'm not there to help you? What if you-"
Five stopped. He couldn't get the words out. He shut his eyes tightly as he tried to push the thought out of his mind, but it was haunting. He lost you once before, he wouldn't survive if it happened again.
Five's grip on your hand tightened even more and you could feel the way his hand trembled as it held yours. You held his hand tighter and with your other hand, you reached up and gently ran it through his hair pushing it out of his face before resting it on his cheek. Your thumb gently brushed back and forth against his skin. You watched as he leaned into your touch more, even if most of what he felt was the gauze on your hand. You hated seeing him so upset. Back and forth your brain fought between doing what would make you feel better and doing what would make him feel better. That was the issue with loving someone so deeply, so desperately, you could never stop thinking of them. Five was a constant thought in your mind and loving him was like breathing air. But this hotel, these people, it was suffocating you. Your head wasn't in a good space, but you knew you couldn't do both right now. You couldn't take care of yourself and Five. It was one or the other and you had to make a decision. Gently, you brought his face closer to yours and pressed your forehead against his.
 "I need time, Five..." You whispered
"We don't have that." Five mumbled
"We never do." You quietly replied "But I still need it. I need to go."
Opening his eyes, Five saw the way you looked at him. Your gaze was gentle and sincere. Even through the chaos of your emotions, he knew that you still loved him. He could see it all over your face. And yet, that made him want to hold on tighter. Letting go of your hand, he wrapped his arms around your waist and held you close. 
Resting your head on his shoulder you let out a sigh. You felt like your heart was breaking and part of you started thinking that maybe you should put up with his siblings and stay. But then you thought again, and you knew that if you didn't get the space to clear your head then you wouldn't be able to do anything going forward. It pained you but you needed your space. You had to go. Lifting your head, you looked at Five once more.
"Please don't make me use my powers." You pleaded, tears falling from your eyes "Don't force me to slip away."
Five had no choice. He had to let you go because no matter what you were going to leave. It was what you wanted. All that was up to him was if it was going to be amicably or regretfully. Loosening his hold on you, Five sighed,
"Okay..."
You took a step back out of Five's arms. It was a bittersweet feeling. You didn't want to leave him, but you appreciated that he respected your wishes. Yes, you were forcing his hand slightly, but it did still show he cared. You wanted to give him something though, something that could perhaps ease the worry you knew he was feeling. Summoning the sharpie you saw Lucas put down earlier, you popped the cap off before gently pushing up the sleeve of Five's jacket and shirt. On his arm, you wrote down the number to Viktoria's cell phone, which you now carried on you, adding a little heart after the final number. Putting the cap back on the marker, you placed it into his jacket pocket. Looking up at him you explained,
"If it's an emergency, if you really need me, call this number and I'll be back as soon as I can."
Part of him worried that this was the last time he'd see you. That he was making a huge mistake. But he loved you and he knew you loved him. You had always managed to find your way back to each other so he had to trust that you'd come back again. Taking your face in his hands, he kissed you desperately, like it was the last kiss you'd ever share. If you were leaving his side then he needed you to feel how much he loved you. But he had to trust that this wasn't the last time. He had to believe that his lips would meet yours again.
You pressed your lips firmly back against Five's, the tears you had cried making the kiss salty. Your heart didn't want to leave him, but your head knew that you wouldn't be able to help him going forward if you didn't. It wasn't pleasant, but you swore once your head was clear, you'd come straight back here and into his arms. It felt like hell, but you gathered the strength to pull away. 
"I love you." You stated sincerely
"I love you too." Five quietly replied
And with that, you gave him one more kiss on the cheek before turning and walking to the doors. As you got to the revolving door though, you stopped and looked back at him to make sure he was still there. You loved him too much not to. You saw as he looked back at you and quietly mouthed the word go. With a small nod, you looked ahead and walked out the door of the Hotel Obsidian.
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the-physicality · 3 months
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pittsburgh penguins tweeted out the dear hockey video and it gets me every time
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month
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Siffrin plays Disco Elysium AU: Featuring backseat gamer Loop.
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peppermintpegis · 6 months
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netflix one piece live action feels a little like fanfic in that it makes sure it hits all the important notes but doesnt do all the work to make them hit which works in fic where the reader is supposed to bring all the emotional story investment from the original but doesnt work in a multi million adaptation that is supposed to be able to stand on its own or even serve as an intro to the series. it even does this in service to have more koby and helmeppo gay moments in this essay i w
#one piece#opla#the fleshing out of koby and helmeppo is like honestly good its a beacon of light its truly really fun#and all the actors are great it is just what they are given .#they didnt let nami do any real betraying. they didnt even have her steal the merry!! she just stole the map that they added in!!!!#ddont get me started on the gutting of sanjis intro. i dont give a shit about if don krieg appears or not i need to see this guy fuckin#feed the hand thats about to kill him im going to start shaking like a dog.#im almost madder krieg appeared for just a little id rather have that time be used for. anything else really.#like have one of arlongs guys starved half to death when they get to arlong park!or idk anything! no gin appears look its gin! you know him#sanji doesnt even get to beat the shit out of a shitty guest. like i guess he does a little but it feels so blink and you miss it#+the first like two eps were good!! buggys great hes scary and weird and fun. i dont mind that he sticks around longer in theory#but the way he is comedic relief instead of basically every character having funny bits is like. ahghhhgggg. its a symptom of this really#mean and edgy feeling the whole thing has. like the removal of people missing usopps pirate calling :( and how cocoyashi didnt know#nami was working to help them. like p. please. can we have caring and bonds in this world?? trust and love???#anyway. sorry for having expectations of a netflix show im so close to putting this into a more proper form rather than tags. just to get i#all out of my system cause fuck man.#anyway solid 7/10 not as bad as it couldve been
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pallases · 2 months
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ourgejjg
#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the#lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭#best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad#personal#also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim#to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn#it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight#instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for#easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte#and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT#promising and. AAAAA#also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my#free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️#the engineering chronicles#the music chronicles#i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal…#oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well#what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3#OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat#it hereeee#soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that#idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and#stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn#ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.
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drewsaturday · 5 months
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you'd think as someone who's knowingly been a lesbian for over 10 years i would've watched more than like, 4 lesbian movies by now, since there were more than a handful to choose from by that point and waaaaaaaaaaay more now.
and part of me thinks i should make it a new years resolution to watch more sapphic movies to experience the culture tm and feel those feelings.
but i also want to just go rewatch loving annabelle and call it a day.
#txt#like obviously representation was very important to me! and it still is!#but i think bc my baby gay journey began right when we started getting this explosion of rep...#rep almost got tainted for me bc i was on tumblr and it was this whole thing about You Need To Watch This Or You're Homophobic#or nitpicking everything slightly wrong with problematic representation etc and it became more of a chore#i appreciate representation i don't expect most i think. like k0rrasami happening?#instead of getting dragged into the show with the promise of rep it just... unfolded in something i was already interested in#i think representation has sorta unfolded in weird ways as well over the years since it's now profitable to queerbait and that#impacts how enjoyable/well written a thing is - see: why i love 90's subtext most bc of the authenticity of it#and i like to think maybe movies aren't as impacted by that when the focus is actually queer shit vs. shows needing to pull#people in for the long-term but idk. it's genuinely not something i've seen enough queer films to have a good idea of j;lksdkfj#i just want like. fun plots that happen to be gay and i think that desire kinda extinguishes the need to consume every piece#of queer media in existence even though i did very much have that pull at the start naturally#but of course. tumblr kinda ruined that for me at the time so now i'm 10 years in the future chilling surrounded by queer people#not having that sense of feeling alone and needing More#and i think it could be healing to check out those films (as Choice as they may be) but it's not a Need if that makes sense#ohhh and while i do get a hit of meaning from seeing any kind of lesbian rep bc the normalization etc#i just don't rly feel Seen in non age gap stuff? so that limits the amt of films that check all the boxes for me as opposed to#just being a 'normal' lesbian and most films automatically being a full course meal for u#so it almost feels like too much effort aj;lksldkjf#anyway. im grateful we're here now and we have so much i just have a complicated relationship with it all#and i wanna be able to just turn that off and try checking out lesbian films now that we do have so much#bc although i don't Need it necessarily it would be nice to actually explore now that i've ditched some of the toxic tumblr mindsets#(which also i now remember included being called problematic for watching the understandably problematic rep that came years before#which probs also explains why i stayed away so long from the old AND i was too poor/ill to go to theatres for the new)#so uhhh recs welcome? regardless of if there's age gaps or not lmao aj;klsdf#specifically for films not tv shows. ive fought that fight too long.
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WHY are there still days where it’s in the 80s in tHE MIDDLE OF OCTOBERR
#............climent charnge............... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#it is supposed to FINALLY get like.. a little cooler later this week BUT that's happened before#like a few days of 60-70F weather then right back to 80s#the cooler weather now is projected to start friday. wwhich is october 21st!!!!!!!#thats like over half of the entire month that was spent in the high 70s mid/low 80s still like......HEWWo#It does get cooler at night now at least. like at 1am it's more like 50F instead of only getting down to 68 or something#but... like even in the PEAK afternoon sun hours I just feel like it should never be 85F in mid october#It also hasn't rained in probably 4+ months lol#there was a time like 2 weeks ago that it rained for maybe a few hours lightly. and then I think 3 weeks before that it rained for maybe an#hour. but still weirdly rare#I was promised a cool moderate rainy climate when I first moved here by people I was talking to who had lived here a while#i wonder if they even sell those '~~ oo it's so rainy in oregon~~' type tourist merch anymore or if they've removed it from#all the stores. I used to see a lot of like shirts or mugs that said stuff like that maybe 10 years ago but now all#the merch is probably just like 'dont fucking come here please i beg you dont fucking come here we dont even have a dunkin#donuts and it gets to like 105F+ in the summer now fuck off take this mug and fucking run'#''it doesnt rain here anymore than it does in plenty of other places we are not an outlier also fires are getting worse and we're#uncomfortably close to like fault lines or some shit if you dont get out in 2 years were all going to die in an earth quake#white hipsters with dreads handing you weird pamphlets on public transportation are the least of your worries turn back NOW'#'if youre not a hiking loving SUV having middle class liberal with 5 dogs who loves driving like 2 hours to the plain looking#beach like 10 times a month for no fucking reason and socializes exclusively through late dinner meetings at gentrified hipster foodie bars#with weird gimmics and subpar food then fuck off. take your tourist shirt and get out. youre better off whetever you are now.'#*whereever#ANYWAY..#We better randomly have a fluke winter where it snows like 5 feet + or something or else I'm going to go crazey hhh#something must compensate for the endless summer.. the people need retribution. if the winter sucks at least give every household#like $5000 and free installation of actual central heating and air system as a thanks for staying here lol.
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phantomrose96 · 3 months
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If anyone wants to know why every tech company in the world right now is clamoring for AI like drowned rats scrabbling to board a ship, I decided to make a post to explain what's happening.
(Disclaimer to start: I'm a software engineer who's been employed full time since 2018. I am not a historian nor an overconfident Youtube essayist, so this post is my working knowledge of what I see around me and the logical bridges between pieces.)
Okay anyway. The explanation starts further back than what's going on now. I'm gonna start with the year 2000. The Dot Com Bubble just spectacularly burst. The model of "we get the users first, we learn how to profit off them later" went out in a no-money-having bang (remember this, it will be relevant later). A lot of money was lost. A lot of people ended up out of a job. A lot of startup companies went under. Investors left with a sour taste in their mouth and, in general, investment in the internet stayed pretty cooled for that decade. This was, in my opinion, very good for the internet as it was an era not suffocating under the grip of mega-corporation oligarchs and was, instead, filled with Club Penguin and I Can Haz Cheezburger websites.
Then around the 2010-2012 years, a few things happened. Interest rates got low, and then lower. Facebook got huge. The iPhone took off. And suddenly there was a huge new potential market of internet users and phone-havers, and the cheap money was available to start backing new tech startup companies trying to hop on this opportunity. Companies like Uber, Netflix, and Amazon either started in this time, or hit their ramp-up in these years by shifting focus to the internet and apps.
Now, every start-up tech company dreaming of being the next big thing has one thing in common: they need to start off by getting themselves massively in debt. Because before you can turn a profit you need to first spend money on employees and spend money on equipment and spend money on data centers and spend money on advertising and spend money on scale and and and
But also, everyone wants to be on the ship for The Next Big Thing that takes off to the moon.
So there is a mutual interest between new tech companies, and venture capitalists who are willing to invest $$$ into said new tech companies. Because if the venture capitalists can identify a prize pig and get in early, that money could come back to them 100-fold or 1,000-fold. In fact it hardly matters if they invest in 10 or 20 total bust projects along the way to find that unicorn.
But also, becoming profitable takes time. And that might mean being in debt for a long long time before that rocket ship takes off to make everyone onboard a gazzilionaire.
But luckily, for tech startup bros and venture capitalists, being in debt in the 2010's was cheap, and it only got cheaper between 2010 and 2020. If people could secure loans for ~3% or 4% annual interest, well then a $100,000 loan only really costs $3,000 of interest a year to keep afloat. And if inflation is higher than that or at least similar, you're still beating the system.
So from 2010 through early 2022, times were good for tech companies. Startups could take off with massive growth, showing massive potential for something, and venture capitalists would throw infinite money at them in the hopes of pegging just one winner who will take off. And supporting the struggling investments or the long-haulers remained pretty cheap to keep funding.
You hear constantly about "Such and such app has 10-bazillion users gained over the last 10 years and has never once been profitable", yet the thing keeps chugging along because the investors backing it aren't stressed about the immediate future, and are still banking on that "eventually" when it learns how to really monetize its users and turn that profit.
The pandemic in 2020 took a magnifying-glass-in-the-sun effect to this, as EVERYTHING was forcibly turned online which pumped a ton of money and workers into tech investment. Simultaneously, money got really REALLY cheap, bottoming out with historic lows for interest rates.
Then the tide changed with the massive inflation that struck late 2021. Because this all-gas no-brakes state of things was also contributing to off-the-rails inflation (along with your standard-fare greedflation and price gouging, given the extremely convenient excuses of pandemic hardships and supply chain issues). The federal reserve whipped out interest rate hikes to try to curb this huge inflation, which is like a fire extinguisher dousing and suffocating your really-cool, actively-on-fire party where everyone else is burning but you're in the pool. And then they did this more, and then more. And the financial climate followed suit. And suddenly money was not cheap anymore, and new loans became expensive, because loans that used to compound at 2% a year are now compounding at 7 or 8% which, in the language of compounding, is a HUGE difference. A $100,000 loan at a 2% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, accrues to $121,899. A $100,000 loan at an 8% interest rate, if not repaid a single cent in 10 years, more than doubles to $215,892.
Now it is scary and risky to throw money at "could eventually be profitable" tech companies. Now investors are watching companies burn through their current funding and, when the companies come back asking for more, investors are tightening their coin purses instead. The bill is coming due. The free money is drying up and companies are under compounding pressure to produce a profit for their waiting investors who are now done waiting.
You get enshittification. You get quality going down and price going up. You get "now that you're a captive audience here, we're forcing ads or we're forcing subscriptions on you." Don't get me wrong, the plan was ALWAYS to monetize the users. It's just that it's come earlier than expected, with way more feet-to-the-fire than these companies were expecting. ESPECIALLY with Wall Street as the other factor in funding (public) companies, where Wall Street exhibits roughly the same temperament as a baby screaming crying upset that it's soiled its own diaper (maybe that's too mean a comparison to babies), and now companies are being put through the wringer for anything LESS than infinite growth that Wall Street demands of them.
Internal to the tech industry, you get MASSIVE wide-spread layoffs. You get an industry that used to be easy to land multiple job offers shriveling up and leaving recent graduates in a desperately awful situation where no company is hiring and the market is flooded with laid-off workers trying to get back on their feet.
Because those coin-purse-clutching investors DO love virtue-signaling efforts from companies that say "See! We're not being frivolous with your money! We only spend on the essentials." And this is true even for MASSIVE, PROFITABLE companies, because those companies' value is based on the Rich Person Feeling Graph (their stock) rather than the literal profit money. A company making a genuine gazillion dollars a year still tears through layoffs and freezes hiring and removes the free batteries from the printer room (totally not speaking from experience, surely) because the investors LOVE when you cut costs and take away employee perks. The "beer on tap, ping pong table in the common area" era of tech is drying up. And we're still unionless.
Never mind that last part.
And then in early 2023, AI (more specifically, Chat-GPT which is OpenAI's Large Language Model creation) tears its way into the tech scene with a meteor's amount of momentum. Here's Microsoft's prize pig, which it invested heavily in and is galivanting around the pig-show with, to the desperate jealousy and rapture of every other tech company and investor wishing it had that pig. And for the first time since the interest rate hikes, investors have dollar signs in their eyes, both venture capital and Wall Street alike. They're willing to restart the hose of money (even with the new risk) because this feels big enough for them to take the risk.
Now all these companies, who were in varying stages of sweating as their bill came due, or wringing their hands as their stock prices tanked, see a single glorious gold-plated rocket up out of here, the likes of which haven't been seen since the free money days. It's their ticket to buy time, and buy investors, and say "see THIS is what will wring money forth, finally, we promise, just let us show you."
To be clear, AI is NOT profitable yet. It's a money-sink. Perhaps a money-black-hole. But everyone in the space is so wowed by it that there is a wide-spread and powerful conviction that it will become profitable and earn its keep. (Let's be real, half of that profit "potential" is the promise of automating away jobs of pesky employees who peskily cost money.) It's a tech-space industrial revolution that will automate away skilled jobs, and getting in on the ground floor is the absolute best thing you can do to get your pie slice's worth.
It's the thing that will win investors back. It's the thing that will get the investment money coming in again (or, get it second-hand if the company can be the PROVIDER of something needed for AI, which other companies with venture-back will pay handsomely for). It's the thing companies are terrified of missing out on, lest it leave them utterly irrelevant in a future where not having AI-integration is like not having a mobile phone app for your company or not having a website.
So I guess to reiterate on my earlier point:
Drowned rats. Swimming to the one ship in sight.
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yelloworangesoda · 2 months
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step one to doing anything is getting out of bed
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