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elysiansparadise · 6 months

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Full of surprises, you never finish getting to know them but as time goes by, your affection for them grows. Lighthearted outside, profound personality on the inside.

Gemini Rising: Fascinating Mind & Heart

Charming smile, well accompanied by an inquisitive, agile and curious mind, complement a personality endowed with depth and many layers that protect someone who fears feeling lost and directionless, someone who puts a lot of pressure on themselves and who often overanalyzes the things they happen around you. They have a strong need to understand what is really happening around them, to not miss anything and to achieve that stability that they have not felt throughout their lives. Your mind is a temple full of knowledge, interesting things to say and share, but most importantly, it keeps great abilities, intelligence and enchanting qualities.

Security is something crucial for them, both emotional and economic, and they are willing to give everything of themselves so as not to lose it once they achieve it. This behavior and way of seeing things is attributed to them by Cancer in the 2nd house. They tend to be very protective people with what they consider important in their lives, some of these natives can become attached to their material goods for the simple fact that it has taken them time to obtain them, despite this, they are generous people when it comes to those. To those who love. Being a house ruled by the Moon when it is in Cancer, these people can experience economic ups and downs in their lives. Likewise, this house, beyond talking about our material goods, talks about our self-esteem, which is stressed throughout their life. They are people who take great care of their money, but may have a tendency to spend it on one whim or another. Many of them may make purchases when they are emotionally down as a way to find comfort. They have the need for constancy on an emotional level, keeping promises, demonstrating through actions that the native is important and providing them with reaffirmation and reliability, in return, these natives give exactly the same to the other person.

The presence of Leo in the 3rd house makes these natives have great intellectual ability. Being a house ruled by the Sun, it makes them capable of standing out and shining for their surprising intellect. Accompanied by the ease of learning new skills and highlighting their hobbies, this native has great charisma and an ability to move, entertain and communicate exactly what is going through their minds. Academically they may have been very successful, stood out for their performance or even been seen as charming and fun by their peers, this however also makes them prone to attracting some envy. They passionately share what crosses their mind and are able to spread passion and interest through their speech. Many of these natives are great communicators and have great abilities to understand all kinds of ideas, no matter how complex they may be. They are determined to continue obtaining knowledge in areas that arouse their interest, in which they are certainly very selective. They are people who hold tightly to their opinions and can become very good at convincing people that they are right. Many of them can enjoy debating and communicating ideas contrary to those that are established. They speak from the heart, they hate speeches that are too technical, boring or not very dynamic, they will always seek to add fun, a touch of comedy or at least interesting to a conversation. They stand out for their creativity and wittiness, traits that make them very loved by others.

These people are lighthearted and very accepting of those things that seem different or unknown to them, but there is a quality about themselves that only those who are very close to them know, their tendency towards perfectionism and that desire to want to have things under control, shown par excellence with Virgo in the 4th house. These natives like to have things under control, especially their emotional world and themselves. They tend to show these traits especially with themselves, in some cases they may want to take care of some things themselves in order for things to be done well and in their own way, especially if Saturn is in this house or if the ruler is making a hard aspect with Saturn [conjunction, square, opposition, quincunx]. They dislike uncertainty and what is not certain, as it makes them anxious and uncomfortable to a certain extent. They are very analytical people even with their emotions, they like to know why they feel what they feel and they can spend a lot of time in their inner world trying to figure out who they really are. They are very private people when it comes to their family life and emotional vulnerability. It is very likely that they have experienced some emotionally complex moment that has made them partially or temporarily distance themselves from some family members.

A unique charm, a personality so interesting and sublime that it envelops you with a simple glance. Their voice, their ethereal beauty, their charisma and their enchanting skills make those with Libra in the 5th house the target of all those looking for a romantic lover who adds excitement to their lives. They are thoughtful, loving people who give their best in their love relationships, they have a desire to love deeply and be loved in that way, with perseverance, meaningful details and feel that deep connection that awakens that spark of inspiration in them. Love with them feels like heaven itself, a perfect mix of passion and affection, friendship and love. They can have many artistic gifts, especially those related to design and aesthetics, their beauty makes them stand out and they have a unique quality that makes them easily loved by the public. Being ruled by Venus, makes these natives like and attracted to the interesting, the fun and, why not, the risk and intensity of this fire house [naturally ruled by Leo]. They can greatly enjoy movies, cinema and music, in general have a great appreciation of art. In the case that they decide to have children, they will treat them gently and teach them kindness and good values, at the same time they will do activities that they enjoy with them and they will be very caring and loving. They can have very sociable, kind and graceful children.

One of the reasons why this particular rising is attributed its sharp and impressive analytical capabilities is because of Scorpio in the 6th house, this overlay makes them extremely observant, reaching the point that nothing slips and nothing easy to lie or hide things about them. They have research skills, an outstanding intellect and an excellent eye for detail. Many of them can work in the economics sector due to their analysis skills, others can opt for the health field, whether as doctors, psychologists, veterinarians or in another area that involves healing, and finally they can obtain the field of the industry for the quality of transformation. Most of these natives, being very independent and disliking feeling controlled in any way, may choose to work on their own and many of them [especially if Saturn is there or aspecting the 6th house ruler] may prefer or achieve leadership roles in their works. Their work environment is usually tense, they may have co-workers who envy their promotions or abilities, or who have lots of disagreements with them. In terms of health, the native enjoys vitality and good health, it is necessary that they learn to manage their thoughts because they have a tendency to deal with anxiety, intrusive thoughts or intense fears/phobias. Likewise, they may have hormonal problems. These people reject monotony and feel the need to feel mentally stimulated, so they may seem busy most of the time by the various interests they have or how busy their mind can be.

When these natives commit to someone to have a serious relationship, they are adventure personified, this is shown with Sagittarius in the 7th house. There is something so radiant and touching about them and it is that they are like a ray of light for their partners, they are the ones who, after the torrid storms that life can give them, return that hope, give them that support and are there by their side ready to continue accompanying them. They give their partner many joys and unforgettable moments, new experiences and a partner who loves them for who they are. These natives are looking for a partner who will give them those experiences and sensations that they thought they would never have on those dark nights, someone who excites them, is the reason for their mischievous smiles and who is that partner who teaches and guides them when they are most nervous or insecure. they can feel. Someone who contributes positively to their lives, who gives as much as they know they can give and who addresses them with transparency and honesty. They look for certainty from their partner, someone who does not hesitate to say and feel that the native is the one, someone who makes obvious the interest they feel towards them and constantly reaffirms it but in the process makes things interesting and intriguing. Future spouse is likely to be older in experience or age but very young at heart, someone with wisdom and a lot of experiences to tell the native, in some cases they are usually from a different continent, country or state and are usually like a teacher for the native. Something incredible about these natives is that they tend to have a positive influence on others, who perceive them to be more passionate, happy, and optimistic than they perceive themselves to be. They always leave an important lesson wherever they go and their warmth and good nature remains with others.

When we see Capricorn in the 8th house, the native who fears the idea of being perceived as uninteresting, predictable and superficial, they fear other people imposing rules or expectations on them and, in some cases they may fear feeling that they are like one of their parents, or an older member of their family. May have difficulty feeling intimate with someone, because this house is ruled by Saturn after all which adds obstacles when it comes to becoming intimate on a deep level with someone. They look for stability and trust as well as the feeling of having reliability from the other person. They love being with people with whom they share points of view and ways of seeing life, since many of them find it very difficult to be with someone who has very different ideals from their own in terms of relationships. In sex, they can enjoy being with partners who are older than them, with more experience or who simply teach them new things, they have an intense drive and can be more passionate than they first appear. Something that goes hand in hand with the feeling of desire that they may have towards someone is admiration. If the other person does not inspire them, does not seek to improve themselves and has no ambition, it can be a huge turn off for them. Physical contact for them is something crucial in a relationship, they will love to touch and turn on their partner in this way, but they can like it even if there is no sex involved, hugs, massages or holding hands can even be something that makes them feel safe or happy with their partner. There is a mix between the desire to dominate or be dominated by your partner in bed but also to protect and be protected by them. As time goes by, the native connects more with their sexual energy and their sex appeal increases as they grow.

With Aquarius in the 9th house the native has an insatiable thirst for new knowledge, it is never usually enough for them to learn new things or skills and they seek to delve deeply into a topic. They may have a tendency to get fixated on a specific topic quickly but become disinterested once they feel they have already explored everything. They are curious about the idea of visiting distant places and it is likely that they will do several of them throughout their lives. Being ruled by Uranus, surprising and unexpected things can happen to them on trips, and this also indicates many plane trips. In terms of career, they may opt for a career that no one in their family has studied, or that they don't like, or simply something that seems very complex in the eyes of others. The decision to take a gap year is likely, and if Uranus is making tense aspects to Saturn, they will likely decide not to study at university. Even so, the native will possess great wisdom and a very unique way of seeing the world. They may have many friends who live far from them or, to be more specific, in other countries, but despite the distance they feel a genuine and close touch to them.

Pisces in the 10th house makes them people who can give different impressions, and each one is very different from the other. Many people tend to project themselves onto natives more frequently than they would like, in the same way, people tend to idealize them constantly. It is very likely that parents will place many expectations on the native, especially if the ruler is making a tense aspect with the Moon or Saturn. This overlay usually gives the native a wide variety of interests, so the decision of what career to study can be a big and difficult decision that they face when they are young. What they know for sure is that they need a job in which They can learn a lot and use their talents and creative abilities. These people may work in the art field or in places where they can help other people. With this position of Pisces, the natives usually give an ethereal impression, they charm the public and strangers easily, their beauty can be something that makes them stand out among the crowd, also due to the nature of this sign, this person can contribute a lot to others through your work, you can impact the lives of others in a favorable way, you can help and inspire many with ease.

There is something admirable about the independence of these people, the confidence with which they project themselves and how they seem to be very well on their own, what makes them even more inspiring is the quality they can offer in their friendships, all of this a product of Aries in the 11th house. These people focus a lot on their friendships, on being there for them and making them have a good time after a difficult day. Although they do not seem very emotional with them, their support is unconditional and they fervently support those they call friends. Speaking of this area, they tend to be people who attract some drama in their groups of friends, which makes them opt for small groups. In personal terms, this house also governs economic income, so Aries here indicates a person who seeks to generate money, an enterprising soul to whom the doors of money are not closed and can work a lot or in one or more things to have your desired income. They like to be financially independent and take pride in achieving things on their own. They will fight to achieve their goals and to make come true what they aspired to at some point in their life.

Life has been a complex journey, hasn't it? One where you have been tested an enormous number of times, how much you can tolerate, how much you can change, how many changes you can adapt to. It seems that life has a fast pace, and that leads you to adapt to the flow of it. When will it be my turn? Can someone or something adapt to me? Taurus in the 12th house makes you want a minute of peace, but at the same time it brings with it the fear of being left behind, of stagnating but also of not finding tranquility. You want to be able to take a breath, to enjoy the feeling of having a safe place, and experience stability for the first time. You don't allow yourself to stop, be still and you put a lot of pressure on yourself, but deep down you would like to feel that you are not being rushed, that there is no rush to make a decision, that there is no rush to grow, that there is no need to run if you have doubts. You may be carrying a feeling of little stability from a very young age, the idea of creating your own stability or being the only person in whom you can find reliability. Doubts or feeling unconfident overwhelm you, but it has never been enough to stop you, you have the will and the desire to move forward, even if you would silently like someone to be by your side to guide and guide you when the paths become very dark. Unconsciously you evoke this feeling of companionship and stability, many people really feel that you are a beyond trustworthy person, someone with whom life seems like an entertaining and interesting journey. You evoke a feeling of peace and you can see that throughout your life many people will trust you and feel secure with your presence. With this overlay, you can have very intense variations in self-esteem, some of these natives may be afraid of not knowing what is going to happen and losing control of themselves and their life. They dream of being able to have everything they ever wanted to have [material and emotional] even if at some point they thought they would never have it or experience it.

#astrology #gemini rising #gemini ascendant #gemini in the 1st house #gemini asc #gemini #natal chart #birth chart #ascendant

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theambitiouswoman · 1 year

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Signs you’re dating a high-value guy:

He cares about seeing you play at your best

A great guy has no interest in seeing you scale back your ambitions so that he can feel good about himself.

On the contrary, he loves to see you flourish. For him, supporting your success only means more excitement and adventure. He loves seeing what you make of your life and cares about protecting your dreams.

In short, the high-value guy lives to see you playing at an extraordinary level.

He isn’t afraid of you over-taking him

Guys worth dating aren’t fussed about out-earning you or worried about who is further ahead in their career.

He won’t get insecure because you happen to be a lawyer or have a PhD, nor will he fret about your substantial paycheck. He doesn’t measure his life in competition with yours, because (would you believe it?) he has self-esteem and measures his life on more than just achievement.

He wants to provide for you

This one might seem like it immediately invalidates the previous point, but it doesn’t.

Here’s why: Even though he’s fine with you over-taking him financially, a high-value guy still wants to be someone who can provide for you in all kinds of ways.

This doesn’t mean he wants to pay for everything, but he’ll work hard to be the kind of man who can protect and serve you, whether by being emotionally strong, financially independent, or by being able to treat you to incredible experiences and indulgent surprises.

He’s turned on by your independence

“Damsel in constant distress” is not sexy to a high-value guy.

A man worth being with delights in seeing you handle your own life (even if he loves to help now and then), and will want to encourage anything that promotes your autonomy and independence.

While every man loves to feel needed, only insecure daddy-type guys seek to acquire importance by seeing you helpless and entirely dependent on them.

He’s responsive to your needs, even if he doesn’t always get them right first time

Ok, he might not know the *exact* words that turn you on most right away, or he might not realise that “quality time” is your love language, or he may not know that handwritten birthday cards make you melt.

But he learns. And responds when he drops the ball and gets it wrong.

The best guy isn’t a mind-reader, but he is an expert at following the signs if you make them clear enough.

Just enjoy it (and for god’s sake let him know how happy his effort makes you – positive reinforcement works!). Showing him that you notice and appreciate his listening skills is the best way to get more of it.

He doesn’t need to be asked twice to come and help you out of a bind

You’re in trouble? You need help with your university paper and want someone to come and read it at 4am the night before submission? You need to be saved from your family?

He’ll jump out of bed and into his car to come and save you before you’ve even put down the phone. He might not like the “damsel in constant distress”, but the “damsel having an occasional freak out” will make him drive all night like a knight riding to save a princess.

He won’t take your crap

Be warned: high-value guys have high expectations. If you’re ok with that, this will only raise your game.

He’s strong, and that means he doesn’t put up with draining people in his life.

He has no interest in indulging complaining and doesn’t have time to waste endlessly going over old problems or moaning about the past.

If you’re being unreasonable, he’ll tell you. To your face. Like a man. In other words, be ready for a guy who will stand up for himself and won’t stand for being walked over.

He takes care of his life with minimal fuss

High value guys limit the amount of time they spend wallowing in self-pity after a setback. They are responsive in the face of failure and spring into action at the sight of problems rather than falling apart.

Of course, he’s still human. And vulnerable. Which is a good thing. So sometimes he’ll need love and reassurance that everything will be ok. But then he’ll be back on his feet and fighting to get a grip again.

When the castle crumbles, he’s the one who starts stacking bricks to rebuild the fortress.

He cares about keeping small promises

In the book The Road by Cormac McCarthy, the son tells his father: “If you break little promises, you’ll break big ones.”

This is essentially the philosophy of a high value guy. It’s his code. He doesn’t feel ok simply shrugging his shoulders when he promised to pick up your shopping on the way home and just forgot. He kicks himself when he promised he’d book that restaurant and it totally slipped his mind.

The idea of not living up to his word is death to him. As it should be for all of us.

Speaking of which…

He chooses his words carefully

A guy who is great relationship material says nothing idly. He doesn’t make empty proclamations of love that he doesn’t feel in his heart.

He won’t say trite phrases or go through the motions if he thinks he’s just using cheap sentiment to soothe you without addressing the real problem.

If he says he adores you, he means it.

He’ll comfort you. He’ll stroke your hair and tell you you’re incredible. But he won’t make everything sound easy or simple when it’s not. Because he cares about big ideas like Truth and Honesty.

He wants to improve without needing to be asked

Great guys are always looking for ways to be better.

He doesn’t want to get healthy because you asked him to, he wants to do it because he takes pride in caring about his body.

He reads books not to show off, but because he takes education seriously.

He seeks adventure not to impress you, but because he wants to grab life and suck up experiences while he’s on this earth.

He seeks success because he wants to fulfil his potential, not because he arbitrarily wants a bigger paycheck.

At his core, he’s self-motivated. That might sometimes mean he tries a bit harder than he needs to, but that’s a much better problem to have than having a lazy man who never makes an effort.

He’ll “grasp nettles”

I stole this one from advertising genius David Ogilvy, who wrote “leaders grasp nettles”.

What Ogilvy meant by this is that leaders in life are willing to do the difficult action that no-one else will. This is the same of any high-value guy. He doesn’t run from the difficult or sensitive conversation. He confronts problems. He makes the difficult phone call.

He doesn’t put off troubles hoping they’ll just blow over. Which is why others respect him and look up to him.

He’ll invest in the relationship without losing himself in it

Maybe it sounds romantic to think of the Edward Cullen obsessive-love type boyfriend, but in the real world a high-value guy is capable of falling loving without obsessing (he can still be passionate and intense, just not in the creepy stalker-esque way vampire romance novels portray it).

Guys who are well-balanced have multiple sources of joy in their world. Friends. Family. Fulfilling work. Because they’ve learnt how to be happy being single first (as I’ve spoken about before).

All of these are important to him, even if eventually you become the most important thing to him.

He listens to what you tell him and responds

As mentioned earlier, high value guys want to make you happy. And this means they listen. They look for clues. They are endlessly curious about you as their partner and want to understand your mind.

You’ll usually see this in the amount of thought he puts into gifts and trips, particularly if it involves things he’s clearly decided based on your previous conversations.

Of course, that does NOT mean he’ll always get it right. Even high-value guys will sometimes get it completely wrong and screw up badly (we have to be realistic, after all). But crucially, he’ll keep trying to fulfil your needs. He’ll remember when he messed up and adjust his behaviour. And if you communicate your standards well, he’ll strive to live up to them.

He has unique pairings

High value guys, like high value women, don’t rely on a single personality trait.

He can be intellectual and deep, but he can also be exciting and totally silly. He’s comfortable being sexual, but he’s also a gentleman and has class. He’s fiercely loyal, but ready to double-down on his principles when his view differs from everyone else’s.

The best people always embody both sides of the coin.

He builds a future with you

The high-value guy who is serious about you will want to make you the strongest team in the world. He’s loyal and wants to find ways to bring you closer together, which means he thinks about the future with you and discusses it openly.

That doesn’t mean he’ll necessarily move quickly, but it does mean he wants to invest in the relationship and make your emotional connection stronger so that he can share his world with you.

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astrojulia · 1 year

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5th house through the signs

ARIES: You enjoy discovering new games and taking on innovative tasks, and you often take the initiative to try them out on your own. Your creativity is a major strength, allowing you to live in the present moment, even if your impulsiveness occasionally results in less-than-ideal outcomes. As a child, you were highly active and athletic, and that passion for movement and challenge continues into adulthood. You encourage your children to make the most of life and seize every opportunity, instilling them with bravery, strength, and competitiveness since they are highly influenced by Mars or Aries. When it comes to romance, you tend to be confident and forward, often taking the lead in flirting. The pursuit of someone you're interested in can be thrilling, but you may find that once the challenge is over, the attraction fades. You have a busy social life and a strong desire to enjoy life's finer things. You may have a competitive streak when it comes to spending time with family and friends, engaging in playful games and roughhousing. Many individuals will be drawn to you because of your strong physical appearance and powerful physical appeal.

TAURUS: You have an excellent eye for beauty and enjoy indulging in physical activities that bring you joy. Singing is one of your favorite pastimes, and you take your time to create and appreciate the finer things in life. Your childhood may have been filled with moments of relaxation and indulgence, leading you to prefer taking things slow when engaging in creative pursuits. Your nurturing nature comes to the fore when around children, and you may have high expectations of your own offspring, balanced with a kind and caring demeanor. You have a natural sensuality that attracts others to you effortlessly. Your steady and deliberate nature, has a magnetic effect that activates hormones in others. Although you may initially be drawn to a luxurious lifestyle, you may find yourself seeking new experiences once the initial excitement wears off. Your pleasant personality and positive outlook make you a popular presence in social settings. You are recognized for your artistic talents and creativity, earning admiration from peers who share your interests.

GEMINI: You have a curious and analytical mind, always seeking out new challenges and games to keep you sharp. When it comes to matters of the heart, you value communication and discovery, enjoying the process of forming intimate bonds with others. Your social life is lively and exciting, and people are drawn to your carefree and easygoing nature. You have a knack for logical and clear thinking, although emotional needs are not your top priority. It seems that a small family or no children may be in your future, but that doesn't stop you from finding success in various areas, such as stocks, bonds, newspapers, computer networks, and software. You have an appreciation for beauty and enjoy engaging your senses through hobbies and activities. In your free time, you like to unwind and take it easy. In a romantic relationship, you seek affection and a deep connection with someone who cares for you. While you may enjoy spoiling your loved ones with material possessions, you understand the importance of connecting on a personal level, especially with children who may have different personalities from yours.

CANCER: You have a huge heart for children and always want to ensure their safety and well-being. You prefer to approach things in a gentle and smooth manner rather than being rough or aggressive. Cooking and other creative hobbies bring you joy and allow your natural creativity to shine through. When you follow your instincts, you feel alive and truly present in the moment - trust your gut, it won't lead you astray! As a child, you may have been particularly sensitive and emotional, and sometimes felt like you were targeted because of it. But now, as an adult, you're fiercely protective of children and want to make sure they never have to experience any harm or hurt. If you have children, they may have Cancer placements or a strong Moon position, making them deep, intuitive, and reassuring. When you fall in love, you tend to be a bit shy at first because your feelings are so intense right off the bat. Your romantic interest will make you feel safe and protected, which makes you all the more attractive to others. When it comes to intimacy, you're open and passionate, and things can heat up pretty quickly! You have a strong emotional nature and are very attuned to the feelings of those around you. You take love seriously and can be hurt easily by insensitive people. Although you enjoy being social, you tend to keep your distance from casual affairs as you value deep connections with others.

LEO: You're someone who loves to have fun and enjoy life, especially when it comes to romance. You're playful and full of innovative ideas, which makes you a naturally gifted artist. You're highly expressive and entertaining, and you exude confidence in everything you do. As a child, you loved being in the spotlight, but you also know when it's important to step back and let others shine. You enjoy being around children and you love giving them opportunities to showcase their talents. When it comes to sexuality, you're not only confident, but a bit cocky too, since you know that anyone you find attractive likely feels the same way about you. But you're drawn to people who value trust just as much as you do. Although your heart flutters at the thought of love, you also know that sometimes the party has to come to an end. You have a large and diverse social circle, and you know how to turn any situation into a celebration. You're often flirtatious, but it's your proud and devoted attitude that attracts the opposite sex. In romance, you take a commanding position and are tenacious in pursuing your dreams. You also have a natural affinity for children and enjoy incorporating them into your life.

VIRGO: You’re the type who takes the time to plan everything before diving into games or pastimes. You also have a natural talent for troubleshooting and can be both impulsive and analytical. Plus, your creativity really shines when you're organizing things and planning exciting activities. As a child, you were probably quite a witty kid who loved to correct adults, and now as an adult, you're passionate about teaching children critical thinking skills. It's so cool that your children will likely share some of your unique qualities and provide you with valuable insights. When it comes to your relationships with others, you're a sensitive and humble person, especially when giving constructive criticism. Your humility is such a valuable asset, even if you don't always realize it. It's clear that you prioritize intellect over everything else, which can sometimes come across as analytical when it comes to relationships. Although you have a diverse group of friends, you're not one to follow the crowd to parties or social events. In matters of the heart, you tend to take a practical approach at first, but as things progress, you may develop a desire for something deeper. It's totally understandable that you have your own beliefs about how a relationship should unfold and that you apply them to your interactions with others. Overall, you're an analytical and meticulous person who values order and intellectual pursuits, and that's really something to be proud of!

LIBRA: Your creativity shines brightest when you're with someone, usually your sweetheart. As a teenager, you started exploring the realms of love, with your heart beating faster than other kids. You were always on the lookout for new crushes, seeking that fresh "love apple," and you had a flirtatious nature. Nowadays, you encourage youngsters to be considerate, polite, and to present themselves well. Your own children are likely to inherit your flirty and charming qualities if they have Libra planets or a strong Venus influence. You've mastered the art of flirting while maintaining class and expressing your interest. Candlelit dinners, romantic movies, music, and drinks all contribute to making romance feel truly special. But what happens when the initial charm and politeness wear off? You naturally gravitate towards a diverse range of people and thrive in their company. Your social circle is always buzzing with acquaintances, and you have a strong desire to form connections with them. These connections may lead to marriage, partnerships, contracts, or other forms of commitment. Your popularity makes you the life of the party, and your warmth and friendship attract a lot of attention. You have a creative flair and a keen sense of color and organization. Anything from flowers to interior design is right up your alley.

SCORPIO: You're captivated by artistic pursuits and enjoy engaging in high-stakes creative endeavors. Your creative moments have an enigmatic and hidden quality to them. Even as a child, you weren't always upfront and open about your plans. There were secret layers to you that only the adults around you were aware of. As an adult, you have a keen sense of children's hidden emotions and motivations. If you have children, their energy is likely influenced by Scorpio or Pluto. They possess a mysterious and sometimes even intimidating quality, as if they can see right through you. When you have an emotional interest in someone, you tend to keep it under wraps. The air of mystery is highly appealing to you, and you find yourself particularly drawn to Scorpio types. You dive into relationships headfirst, making things intense and heated right from the start. However, you may feel the need to come to your senses at times. Your social life and connections hold great importance to you, and you take them seriously. You tend to be attracted to physically attractive individuals, and your emotional nature easily gets stirred into action. The desire for a family and children can lead to a strong longing to find the right partner.

SAGITTARIUS: When it comes to recreation and sports, you prefer wide open spaces. You have a natural talent for teaching, especially when it comes to children. You believe that creativity involves exploring multiple options, and the joy of actively discovering new things resonates with you. As a child, you were restless and full of energy, too larger than life to be contained. This affinity with children allows you to encourage their independence and let them experience the freedom to explore. You want your own children to have the opportunity to travel the world! If you have children, their free-spirited nature will likely be influenced by Sagittarius or Jupiter, making them adventurous companions on your journeys. You're attracted to people who promise to whisk you away from mundane existence into something more exciting. This is why you find Sagittarius-ruled individuals so appealing; they share your thirst for adventure. Your passion thrives as long as things remain fun and larger than life. However, you may feel compelled to embark on a new adventure, even in the realm of dating. Your upbeat and lively demeanor makes you popular among friends and family, and you enjoy being the center of attention at parties and social gatherings. In matters of love, you may sometimes come across as overconfident, but your generosity and good nature make up for any lack of seriousness or commitment.

CAPRICORN: You know how to have fun responsibly. You enjoy planning events and coordinating activities for others. You might have a natural talent for coming up with innovative business ideas. Hard work fuels your creativity. Every moment is like a goal for you, and you fully immerse yourself in it, dedicating your energy to it. As a child, you probably acted more like an adult than a typical kid. You felt a sense of duty and always pushed yourself to work hard and complete tasks. Sometimes, you can be a bit tough with the little ones, but it's only because you want to motivate them to achieve their goals. If you have children, they'll likely have the traits of Capricorn or Saturn—mature and responsible, just like your inner child. You're drawn to someone who embodies true leadership qualities. They, or perhaps even you, are in charge of their own destiny. When it comes to romance, you like to keep things sensible and structured at first. But over time, that might lose its charm, and you or your partner might end up feeling "fired." Within your social circle, you're a loyal and trustworthy friend. With patience and care, your realistic attitude and trustworthiness help you build strong relationships with your partners and friends. You have a tendency to keep your emotions in check, which others may perceive as being a bit cold or insensitive.When it comes to romance, you're attracted to someone who exudes true leadership qualities. You admire those who take charge of their own lives. At the beginning of a relationship, you prefer things to be practical and structured. However, as time goes on, the initial appeal may fade, and either you or your partner might feel the need to move on. Within your social circle, you're known for being loyal and reliable, someone people can trust.

AQUARIUS: You've got a knack for using play as a way to express your unique personality. You love engaging in fresh and fascinating activities. For you, living in the moment means embracing your individuality and daring to be different. Your creative talents are wild and quirky, and you couldn't care less about what others think. As a child, you were anything but ordinary—unconventional, independent, and even rebellious. That's why you relate to kids in such an open manner, encouraging them to think for themselves and embrace their uniqueness. And if your children have strong Aquarius or Uranus influences, they'll be marching to the beat of their own drum. To you, craziness and sensuality go hand in hand. You want to turn their world upside down by introducing them to things they've never heard of or done before, and vice versa. But here's the thing: this wild, rebellious abandon might not be exactly what you need to commit to in the long run when it comes to your own life. In your social circle, you have a wide network of friends and acquaintances, many of whom have a scientific background or are involved in progressive activities. Companionship brings you comfort and enjoyment, as long as your originality remains a defining characteristic. And guess what? You have no trouble entertaining yourself either. Your idealistic yet unconventional approach to love and romance attracts peculiar and fascinating individuals. You're not interested in the ordinary or mundane when it comes to matters of the heart. Instead, you seek connections that challenge the norms and spark your imagination. Your relationships might be filled with unexpected twists and turns, but that's exactly what keeps things exciting for you. Love becomes an adventure, where you embrace the unconventional and explore uncharted territories of the heart.

PISCES: You've got some serious artistic talent and a knack for being inventive. Whether it's music, dance, painting, or theater, engaging in any of these activities helps you relax and unwind. Your creativity is off the charts, but it doesn't always translate to the practical world. When you're in the moment, it's hard for you to put it into words because you're fully immersed in it. As a child, you had a vivid imagination and a sensitive conscience. You've always been attuned to the struggles of others, which makes you incredibly compassionate and altruistic, especially when it comes to children. But hey, be careful not to give too much of yourself away! If you have children, they might inherit some Pisces or Neptune qualities, making them free-spirited beings in your grand plan. You might find yourself confused about who you find attractive or why you find them attractive. The initial stages of romance can feel like a dream as you both enter your own little world. However, since the magic of romance can't last forever, you may experience disappointment and disillusionment when it comes to dating. You're a true romantic at heart, and falling in love happens all too easily for you. Your emotions can be overpowering and sometimes lead you astray from making the best decisions. You prefer intimate relationships over group activities, and you tend to attract sensitive and caring individuals. As you venture deeper into the cave of love, trust your instincts.

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depravitycentral · 11 months

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Yandere! Kai Chisaki General Profile

Yandere! Kai Chisaki x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, violence, mentions of dub-con, Kai is awkward and literally can't not pop boners around you constantly, threats, mentions of blood, mentions of needles, slight objectification, allusions to neglect, Kai forces you to watch him kill someone, masturbation, fem! reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

Tidy

First and foremost, being Kai’s darling requires a certain level of cleanliness.

They by no means need to be a germaphobe or obsessively making sure every surface is spotless, but keeping their living space fairly clean and orderly is something incredibly appealing to Kai.

And once his darling is living in the base and has a room all to themselves, it pleases him greatly to see his darling’s bed neatly made every morning, their clothes (all hand selected by him, of course) hanging up in the closet, or any other small display of them just generally wanting the area to be somewhat neat.

He likes the reassurance that his darling has a bit of sense about them, that they understand that cleanliness is important.

And honestly, one of the most heartwarming things Kai can imagine is his darling purposefully cleaning something for him, that they’re willing to spend their time and energy voluntarily making sure that something has been sanitized, cleaned or straightened up all in the name of making him more comfortable, of helping alleviate some of the disgust and fear of his everyday life.

He loves the idea of his darling being a sweet little domestic partner, a housewife of sorts, and if they have a natural liking of keeping things on the cleaner side?

Well, it only makes Kai fall harder, deeper, more completely, because god, how is his darling so fucking perfect for him?

Sweet

Kai is honestly a bit pessimistic; he’s not especially positive about things in life, not especially kind or forgiving, and though he hasn’t really given much thought to what he does and doesn’t find attractive, even he can’t deny that there’s a certain allure to someone who’s the opposite of him; of his brash and cold words, someone warm and sweet and soft.

A darling that doesn’t hesitate to throw kind words at him, to praise the people around them and just generally make people feel good about themselves is something he quickly becomes enamored with, the compliments at first catching him off guard.

His darling saying something along the lines of wow, the gold in your mask really brings out the shades of your eyes – it’s really pretty, is only met with Kai’s cryptic, stoic stare, making them shrink in on themselves while he internally tries to process the idea that his darling likes his eyes.

He’s confused at first, slightly irritated and wondering if they meant it in some sort of derogatory or mean way, but as his cold eyes search their own warmer, slightly nervous ones, he’s taken aback to realize that they mean it, that they’re being genuine with their words.

In all honesty, growing up in the yakuza and being surrounded by criminals and an parental figure that used tough love more than anything, having someone actively praise him or deliver compliments is something he’s completely unused to, completely confused by

But he can’t deny the way a little seed of warmth grows in his chest, the words feeling strange but nice.

And as his darling only continues with their offhand compliments, their small, sweet words, Kai only grows more and more addicted to them, and though he tries his best to compliment them back (it comes off more threatening than anything – your hands are very clean, I wish I could keep them for myself), it’s a bit difficult for him to recover from their honesty, from the way his heart hammers against his ribcage at just one mere kind smile from them.

It’s disorienting, but Kai would be lying if he said he didn’t absolutely love it.

Patient

He is, admittedly, a bit poor with processing and expressing his feelings; he’s never experienced a relationship or romantic feelings of any sort before he met his darling, and as a result he’s a bit clueless when it comes to courting them, to how he should act around them.

Of course, he wants nothing more than to completely woo his darling, to sweep them off their feet and get them to fall madly in love with him, but he’s realistic enough to know that no matter how many cheesy, dreadful rom-coms he watches, no matter how many articles or pieces of advice from colleagues and clients, it won’t change the fact that he’s just naturally not romantic, that he’s just not good with expressing himself.

He wants to be a wonderful partner, always spoiling his darling and making them feel treasured and loved like how he really feels, but it’s difficult for him to break away the layers of carefully built shields around himself, the thick skin he’s acquired through years of working in the underground mafia.

And, because of this, his darling absolutely needs to be patient – they need to be able to give him the time and space he needs in order for him to process his feelings, to try and make sense of how and when he should approach them about his desires to hold them, to see them smile.

And while it’s likely that his darling won’t even be aware of his obsession and romantic feelings towards them until much later in his infatuation, they need to be understanding of how fucking hard it is for Kai to be vulnerable, to allow any sort of happiness or weakness into his life.

Because really, his darling is his one true, huge weak spot – one he loves dearly and would give his life for, but still isn’t quite sure how to rely this to them.·

Smart

In Kai’s world, strategy, power and manipulation are absolutely everything; he needs to be at the top of his game at all times, making sure that he’s making the right decisions, playing the right cards and just generally making every possible move towards the restoration of the Shie Hissakai.

He’s constantly strategizing, thinking through decision after decision, scenario after scenario, and as a result he’s grown to absolutely demand intelligence out of those around him, to require brains and a general threshold of understanding for those he deems close to him, and his darling is no exception.

They don’t need to be book smart per se, but he needs to have confidence that if he were to explain something to them (though he avidly tries to separate his darling from any and all yakuza business) that they would understand, that he wouldn’t need to spend hours going over the same piece of information again and again before they finally understood.

There’s a certain attractiveness to intelligence that he can’t quite explain, but very much feels – when his darling makes some sort of quick remark or statement in response to something he said, there’s a sense of pride swelling in his chest, because that’s his beloved who’s so smart, so understanding and quick thinking.

He really likes the idea of his partner and him being a bit of a ‘power couple’ (though he absolutely refuses to give up any of his own power over his work or them – he is in charge, as he always will be), in that they’re both forces to be reckoned with, smart and strong and a powerful team together.

It’s enticing, and though his darling likely couldn’t change his mind about anything, Kai enjoys asking them about their opinions and thoughts on certain matters, just to understand how deeply they agree or disagree, how deeply his darling’s smarts run.

That, and Kai will be taking every possible opportunity to bond with beloved, even if talking about hero society is the way to do it.

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Controlling

Kai is, as in most aspects of his life, absolutely desperate to be in charge of every little thing around him.

He needs to be dictating every single thing you do, everything you say and think and feel, otherwise things get ugly, quickly.

There’s a part of him that’s absolutely terrified that you hold so much emotional weight over him, that he cares so much about you, that he does things because of you.

He doesn’t like the way he feels so helpless in the face of you, even as unassuming and weak as you are.

He doesn’t like that you hold such power over him, knowingly or not, and as a result it helps to quell down this anxiety and fear when he’s telling you that you’re not allowed to leave your room, that you must wash your hands every ten minutes on the dot, that you aren’t to speak to another living soul besides himself.

Kai craves for you to feel the same overwhelming, disorienting love that he does for you, but more than anything he craves absolute control over you.

He wants power over you, to know that you will follow his every word, his every command, anything and everything he could ever want.

To him, it shows that you trust him, that you love him and that you’re giving yourself to him, to let him love you and show you how much you mean to him.

In his eyes, it’s all actually strangely romantic – you’re his sweet little quirkless woman, the girl he thinks he loves, the one he’d do anything and everything to protective and keep his, and in return all he asks is that you let him decide everything for you, that you depend completely and solely on him.

It’s a fair deal, really, and after all, he knows what you need much better than you do - after all, he knows you better than you know yourself.

He has a, for lack of a better term, brutal schedule that he keeps you chained to – he’s rigging an alarm for your room that goes off at exactly 6:30 in the morning, a steady beeping noise that does the job quite nicely, if the camera feed showing you frowning and covering your ears with the single pillow he’s given you is anything to go by.

He’s sending in a henchman (masked, so that there’s no chance of you finding him attractive) with a tray of nutritionally balanced breakfast items that you will eat, lest he’ll use force against you.

Your breakfast will consist of a pile of meat of his choosing, steamed vegetables on the side, and a small container of starch next to the plate.

A smattering of vitamins are enclosed in a small box in the corner of the tray, the some ten different pills ranging from the size of his pinky nail to a quarter patiently waiting to be swallowed.

(When you ask, he doesn’t tell you what they’re for - he just tells you they’re good for you, that you’d better take them, we wouldn’t want you getting sick, now would we? You don’t need to know that they’re all for diseases or conditions that run in your family - he checked - but you don’t have - it’s just a preemptive measure to make sure you don’t develop them, that nothing could ever harm you and take you away from him. Plus, the small white one you eye suspiciously will help him in the future, he hopes - after all, he’s certainly not ready for you to fall pregnant anytime soon.)

You’re scheduled for testing most of the day after that – various blood tests, check ups on your physical and mental health, mandatory meetings with him in his office to discuss your ‘progress’.

(You’re still not exactly sure what he means by that - he won’t give you details when you press, instead getting this weird sparkle in his eye while he stares at you, the eye contact making you squirm while he tells you that you’re very important, you’re the key to my success.)

Dinner is the same as your breakfast, and directly after is a shower that lasts for ten minutes – no more, no less, where you’re required to shampoo, condition, and scrub your body.

(You don’t know it, but there’s a camera set up in the corner of the shower that’s constantly rolling, just so that Kai can get some peace of mind and make sure you’re doing as you say - it’s certainly not to aid him when it’s late and he’s sitting in his office, eyes trained to the screen as he aches and throbs and yearns for you, both aroused and disgusted by the thought of being intimate with you, of being inside of you…)

You’re to be in bed by 9:00 at night, tucked underneath the covers and eyes closed so that you get the proper amount of sleep, ready to be awoken so rudely the next morning and repeat it all.

Deviation is quite rare in his itinerary for you – sometimes he’ll join you during your meals, or inform you that certain tests are being postponed until further notice, but for the most part Kai will absolutely be keeping you on his regiment – having such obvious control of you is something that he absolutely needs, a requirement he’s simply unwilling to compromise on.

The feelings you give him are already disorienting enough, strong enough to leave him feeling weak, dependent, angry, and the only way to regain some semblance of power is to show you that you utterly and completely belong to him, that you have absolutely no control over your new life, over your life in which you’re Kai’s beloved, perfect little woman.

Possessive

Because Kai has never really developed feelings for anyone in his life, romantic or really even platonic outside of Pops and Chrono, you present an anomaly for him.

The way that he feels for you, the desperation that overtakes him where you’re concerned is something he’s completely unfamiliar with, something strange and new and something he isn’t entirely sure how to handle.

(He’s never been a fan of romance, and has spent very little time indulging in any sort of media discussing the topic, and as a result he does genuinely feel like a fish out of water, even if he doesn’t entirely hate the experience.)

And really, the strangest thing about the development of his feelings for you is the way that he just reacts to you, unconsciously moving or thinking things he would never do otherwise.

There’s a part of him that he completely loses control over when you walk into the same room as him, when he sees your lovely eyes fixed on him, when you say his name, when you so much as breath in the same space as him.

(He’d requested you start calling him Kai in private a few months into your ‘stay’, if only because the way the letters roll off of your tongue makes his eyes flutter closed and a sharp exhale sound from below his mask.)

His eyes are snapping to you every time you enter his peripheral, amber eyes appraising you and scanning up and down your body, noticing a new detail every single time - he wasn’t aware you had a mole there, or a small scar here.

(But now, don’t you worry, he’ll remember well.)

And because he’s so unsure of how to manage the new urges and responses that you present him with, he falls back onto his more aggressive traits, the more primal parts of him that don’t really express themselves much in his day to day life taking center stage.

That is, Kai suddenly turns into a jealous, possessive freak because of you – he’s plagued with worries that you’ll leave him, that one day he’ll wake up to find your bed empty, your smile vanished along with your body he was just beginning to crave touching.

(Though he rationally knows the security system of the Shie Hissakai base and the numerous tunnels and henchmen would prove your escape extremely unlikely).

He’s paranoid that you’ll find someone else within the organization that you like more - someone more conventional, friendlier, more intimate with you.

(Just the thought of another man touching you makes Kai’s muscles stand taught, fists flexing and his quirk spiking up out of control, his bloodlust skyrocketing because absolutely nobody should be laying their filthy, disgusting hands on you and ruining you.)

And though it makes him feel stupid, weak, pathetic, he can’t help the way jealousy sits heavy in his stomach as he watches you smile and thank Chrono for dropping by with a new book to read, one Kai himself had heard you mention something about offhandedly, one Kai remembered and went out and personally bought just for you.

He can’t help the way his fists clench as he stares behind the computer screen, vowing to himself that he’ll be the one to deliver you gifts from now on, so that you won’t associate anything sweet or thoughtful with anyone but him.

He hates the way you make him feel (at least, that’s what he tells himself – but even he can’t deny the warmth spreading through his entire chest when you softly murmur thank you, Kai, I love it as he places the elegant, dainty gold necklace with his initials in your palms), but he knows that there isn’t much he can do to change it.

He knows that for all the negative feelings your smile and touch stir up within him, he’d never really choose to let go of his devotion for you because god, do the positive feelings make up for the negative ones a thousand times over.

And so, once he comes to terms with the fact that you do inspire jealousy within him, that he’s territorial over you in a way that makes him feel more animal than man, he’s taking it and running with it – he wants everyone within the Shie Hissakai to understand that you are completely off limits, that you’re property of Kai Chisaki himself, that you are quite literally owned by Overhaul.

He’s threatening undermen, buying you expensive clothing and jewelry and trinkets to make you feel loved, appreciated, even if the ring he presented you with while you ate the mystery dinner from Chrono’s tray the other day looked much too similar to a wedding ring to comfort you.

He sees you as his possession, an item he can have and own and cherish, and while he does want you to love him, to want him in the same way he wants you, there’s just something about marking you as his, dressing you up in clothing that he bought for you, covering you from head to toe in antibacterial lotion that he chose the scent of, keeping you his sweet little partner that makes him oddly giddy, an honest, genuine happiness washing over him that he hasn’t felt in years.

So really, just let him dress you, feed you, bath you and remind you that you’re nothing without him, that he’s the only one you can trust and should care about, and Kai will be over the moon. He might, maybe even smile fondly at you, petting your hair and whispering a soft I love you to your sleeping form.

You’re just that special.

Dependent

Although he’s strong and almost infuriatingly independent, once his emotional connection with you develops, Kai is a bit of a lost cause.

You mean absolutely everything to him – his whole life before you revolved around re-establishing the Shie Hissaikai and ending hero society, but once you show up?

Well, it’s still important to create and harvest the drug, to be using Eri and making sure the organization will continue on strong and prosperous, but surely it wouldn’t hurt to take just a small break from vigorously rubbing in some hand sanitizer after a business meeting and let his mind wander to you, to imagine how you’re probably curled up on your bed trying to nap, looking all peaceful and calm and - dare he say it - cute.

It’s not too big of a deal to take a few minutes to drop by your room and check up on you, right?

(Besides, seeing the way you brighten up when he steps into the room makes something in his chest swell with pride; you wanted to see him, didn’t you? Not really, no - it just gets so lonely all alone in the windowless room, but Kai doesn’t need to know that.)

Surely it wouldn’t be bad to take a break from the mountains of paperwork and watch the live footage of you in your room, working diligently at the puzzle he gifted you with the other day, right?

Kai is, for lack of a better term, completely whipped for you – your safety, happiness and health are things that are constantly on his mind, swirling questions of what you’re doing at any given time, when you last ate or slept or used the restroom circling through his head so much it feels like a never-ending loop.

Once Kai gets a taste of how good it feels to care for someone, to have a special person in his life that makes his heart race, his throat get a bit tight and his hands to start sweating, he’s clutching onto it with desperation, doing everything in his power to keep the sensations of happiness, of contentedness, of genuine love blooming in his chest.

He’s addicted to you, and while his every waking thought is either fixated on the drugs or you (though as time passes it slowly becomes clear to him that you take more of his headspace than his work, a disturbing discovery but not one he bothers to fight), his devotion to you only deepens.

Of course, Kai is absolutely terrible at expressing how much you mean to him – he’s so emotionally stunted, so unsure of how to approach you and the way you make him feel, that more often than not you’ll be left wondering what you did to irritate him, why he’s always staring at you so intensely, why he’s always stopping by your room and asking you personal, strange questions.

(Do you prefer cold or warm climates? What’s more upsetting to you – seeing a child or a puppy kicked? What areas on your body are ticklish? Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?)

Honestly, Kai will likely just be one huge mystery to you – he doesn’t want to expose himself and his feelings, and as a result he won’t show any traces of vulnerability to you – you’re left completely in the dark, left to wonder why and how you’re still alive, and when the yakuza boss will decide that you’ve lived past your expiration date.

Sure, he does buy you gifts; jewelry much too expensive for your tastes, dresses and skirts that accentuate your form in darker colors (he’s particularly partial to greens and golds – always dressing you up in gold necklaces, gold heels and sleek jade dresses that dip just a bit too low on your chest), occasionally a bouquet of flowers in your favorite colors that he insists brighten up the mood a bit.

(Though you don’t have the heart nor the courage to tell him that a bundle of roses sitting in a vase in the corner of your stark white room doesn’t make you any more comfortable there.)

Sure, he spends hours upon hours upon hours behind the computer in his office staring at you through the screen, the many cameras and audio bugs placed around the room picking up your every action, word and movement, his wide eyes feasting upon your innocent, perfect form as he simply takes in the beauty that is you, the feelings of love, adoration and utter want swimming in his chest intoxicating him.

Sure, he’s killed guards left and right for staring at you for a beat too long, for making some crude, disgusting joke about how they’d love a piece of you, that Overhaul’s too uptight, bet he doesn’t even fuck her – what a waste, she needs a real man to show her how its done.

Sure, he spends the majority of his time obsessing over you, doing daily check ups on your health and your safety, but Kai won’t ever display a moment of weakness to you – he only says he loves you when you’re asleep, laying so gracefully across your bed, his form seated at the edge of the mattress while he lightly strokes your cheek, his mask discarded onto your nightstand as he leans down, closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale of your scent, pressing his lips ever so lightly, softly, tentatively against your forehead.

He doesn’t want you to understand how much hold you have over him – because if you did, Kai is absolutely sure that you could manipulate him into getting whatever you want with just a simple kiss and whispered word of affection.

After all, Kai Chisaki needs you, and although he’s embarrassed by how much you mean to him, how crazy you make him and how absolutely obsessed with you he is, he wouldn’t change a single thing.

After all, he’s never been able to love someone, to touch them and protect them and desire them, and he’ll be damned if he ever loses you.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

Kai is, to put it simply, insanely possessive over you; you’re his girl, the only one he can love and touch and really feel happy around, and as a result he absolutely refuses to allow any other man to get even remotely close to you.

It’s a combination of jealousy and deeply rooted insecurity about his romantic skills that makes him so quick to snatch you away from other men.

He won’t ever admit it, but he’s very aware that he probably wouldn’t be your first choice, that his issues with intimacy and expressing himself and the fact that he kills on a daily basis likely does nothing but push you away, make you more hesitant to fully give yourself to him, to actually love him.

But instead of communicating with you, of putting himself in a position where you could actually see how much of a mess you make him, Kai instead decides that isolating you from every other man in the complex is the best solution.

This fear only serves to make him more strict on limiting your contact with every other person on Earth who isn’t him, every other man that could possibly draw your attention, that could make you forget about Kai and instead fall heads over heels for them.

He’s methodical in his approach to keeping you utterly and completely his – making sure that your contact with others is incredibly limited, that you understand the consequences of becoming too chummy with anyone but himself.

Because you’d have to be his captive before his feelings for you even really form, he doesn’t have to worry about any men that he doesn’t know approaching you, fighting for your affection and love.

He only needs to consider the possibility of one of the very few people he allows you to have contact with – namely, a select group of the eight bullets, himself and Chrono.

It’s an ease to his mind to know that he’s really only competing with a few other guys, and although it makes him feel stupid, pathetic, weak to be comparing himself to someone like fucking Rappa, there’s a certain part of him that can’t help but wonder if it’s really someone more like him you’d like – muscular, social, not hesitant to touch you, all of the things he really isn’t.

It’s stupid and he knows it, but as he stares into his mirror with an expressionless face, looking at his nude body and his hands that can so easily take and give life, there’s a certain amount of insecurity settling in his chest.

Obviously, you don’t really have a choice in who you spend your time with, who you’re forced to depend on, who you’re destined to be with until your dying breath, but Kai really truly would prefer you to want him, to actively be choosing him.

And when one of the few people he lets have contact with you starts pushing the boundaries too far, getting a bit too friendly?

Well, all of those pushed down insecurities and destructive thoughts are rearing their ugly heads, forcing him to take measures he would prefer to not deal with, to not have to feel such terrible, sick things in his heart as he watches you laugh and smile.

You’re his, whether you like it or not, and Kai will absolutely make sure the fact is drilled into your pretty little head, even if the methodology is less than tame.

When he spots Sestuno leaning on the doorframe of your room, smirking down into the space while your lovely, tantalizing voice gushes about some show you used to love watching before you got kidnapped, immediately he’s scowling, thin eyebrows drawing taut as he realizes how fucking close Setsuno is standing next to you, how his gaze is aimed directly at you, how you’re just letting him stare.

Kai’s pissed, and as his footsteps grow harsher, more distinct against the cement of the underground hallway, he’s nearly growling.

He hates when he gets like this – it’s so painfully obvious how much of an emotional hold you have over him when the jealousy is seeping through his every pore, when he’s nearly driven insane just by another man looking at you.

It’s infuriating that something as simple and weak as you are able to make him a complete mess with just a few actions, just a few smiles and looks directed towards others.

It’s infuriating, but as he approaches Setsuno, the anger at himself is drowned out by the rage he feels towards his underling – immediately he’s clearing his throat, piercing eyes staring right at his subordinate as he interrupts the conversation, letting out a surprisingly calm sorry to interrupt, but tests are scheduled for right now. Wouldn’t want her to be late, would we?

And although Setsuno holds respect and genuine awe for his boss’s abilities, a twinge of fear climbs up his spine, making him hastily nod his head and return back to his station a few hundred feet away, nervously awaiting what he’s sure won’t be a pretty sight whenever Kai is done with your tests.

All throughout the blood draw that day, he’s tense, not really responding to your questions as thoroughly as he normally would, not paying as much attention to you as he’d like to.

(He’s staring at you, yes, but he’s sort of staring through you - not as observant as normal, not with the same concentration as normal, as if he’s counting your eyelashes or memorizing every blemish and pore on your face.)

Instead, he’s thinking of exactly what he’ll be doing once he safely escorts you back to your room, once he makes sure that you’re safe and sound and completely unaware of what he’s about to do.

And once your door is closing, he’s immediately scowling and stomping over to Setsuno, approaching the man with a deadly glare and scolding him in a voice so eerily calm that it has the other man gulping.

You know your place – you aren’t to look at her, touch her, speak to her, be anywhere near her. So tell me, what did you do today, Setsuno?

And when the other man can only respond with the truth, Kai won’t hesitate to disassemble him a few times – each with an interval longer and longer, sometimes not assembling every limb back together until it’s just barely not too late, letting him feel the excruciating pain of his arm being ripped off again and again.

There’s this twisted, maniacal look on his face as he does it - like he’s enjoying hurting Setsuno, like with every time his leg is ripped from his body, he’s ripping away some of the damage that him talking with you caused, ripping away any semblance of attraction or even a friendship between you two.

If Setsuno wasn’t busy in excruciating agony, he’d almost be scared his boss’s expression.

Kai’s pissed, and it’s only after twenty or so rounds of assembling and disassembling that he’s finally calmed down – though he won’t leave without hearing the words I’ll never come near her again, I promise! She’s yours, Overhaul, all yours!

And once he does, he’ll only firmly nod, leaving Setsuno on the cold ground, assembled yet terrified, as he retires back to his office to review the last hour’s worth of footage from your room.

Jealousy isn’t a pretty look on Kai, and he holds back absolutely no restraint when he feels that his claim on you is being tested.

So when Setsuno, one of the only people here you feel you can call a friend, begins avoiding you like the plague, don’t be surprised when Kai shows up, telling you how Setsuno’s just strange like that, always changing his mind back and forth. Don’t worry about it – I brought you a deck of cards, would you like to play?

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

To really catch Kai’s attention, a very specific set of circumstances must occur.

You must be quirkless, a civilian, and he must have stolen you off the streets for testing.

Only then, once he’s got you under his grasp already, do his feelings begin to form, in all their horrible and wonderful glory.

But, because had stolen you away before his feelings for you even manifested, there really isn’t a forming-the-obsession-and-stalking-before-kidnapping phase for him.

You’re already at the Shie Hissaikai’s base, already under his control and grasp, and as a result you’re already accessible to Kai, already close to him and so very vulnerable to his wants and whims, to him being around you as much as he pleases.

He doesn’t experience any sort of longing to steal you away, nor does he have any kind of dilemma on kidnapping you.

However, because of the way in which Kai got to know you, it creates a bit of a unique situation as his captee – you’ll find as his feelings grow and develop, as he becomes more and more dependent on you, that your surroundings seem to change, that you periodically get moved to different rooms, different spaces in which you spend the majority of your time.

The rooms get progressively nicer, larger and more private, soon getting to the point where you even have a small kitchenette in the corner, where you’re able to prepare little snacks and food items.

(Kai must always be present in the room during your little cooking episodes, however – you need to be eating healthy, making sure that you have a balanced diet, though the minute that you turn around excitedly and ask him if he’d be willing to sample whatever you made, he’s fighting a blush and nodding stiffly, trying to calm his racing heart and quell the thoughts of how you look so much like a lovely, domestic wife cooking for him…)

You won’t be sure of why you’re gradually being treated better and better, getting spoiled with gifts that you didn’t ask for, spending time with Kai in quantities that make you cock your brow but shrug, knowing that if you confront him it’ll likely be more trouble than it’s worth.

You won’t know, but Kai sure as hell does – he wants you to like him, to love him and need him, and as he progressively decides to upgrade your living space until your room is right next to his own, allowing quick and easy access (and thin walls, of course) it helps quell his desire to be near you every moment of the day, to be on your mind just as constantly as you’re on his.

And really, it’s only a plus that he can press his ear to the wall and listen to you breath at night (he moved his bed to be right next to yours, only the thin wall separating the two of you), or that he can basically speak to you through them - even as much as it terrifies you.

It’s better this way, really - it helps quell the fear of you somehow slipping through his fingers.

As his captee, your experience with him really depends on your own behavior and tolerance – the only way you would’ve ever caught his attention is being a mix of quirkless and kind, reaching out with soft, understanding words rather than screaming, fighting or cursing him out like every other test victim he’s picked up.

And so, if you keep this behavior up, Kai honestly isn’t too terrible of a captor; he’s relatively clear on what he expects from you, relatively easy to please as long as you follow his every command and keep talking to him about your day, about yourself, asking him how he’s feeling at any given moment.

He’s possessive and controlling to an almost staggering degree, yes, but his expectations are crystal clear, if a bit sterile.

And so, if you can put up with him placing cameras in your room to keep an eye on you every minute of every day, of him regulating what you eat, when you bath, how you sleep, you’ll be fine.

If you can deal with him bringing you into his office for hours on end, just having you sit and read or chat to him while he works simply because your presence is enough to help ease the stress of running the organization, then you’ll be just fine.

If you can deal with the daily check ups that progressively get more and more personal (it started with a simple blood draw, checking your temperature and an eyesight test, then gradually moved in a full body examination over your clothing, then without the clothes, then with you sitting in what appeared to be a gynecologist’s chair), then you’ll be just fine.

It’s about tolerance with Kai – if you’re patient and generally obedient, life under his rule will be surprisingly easy, even if loving the man who kidnapped you isn’t as simple.

As his feelings grow, Kai honestly gets a bit clingy; you calm him in a way he didn’t know was possible, the warmth spreading through his chest foreign and strange yet addictive as you place yourself on the leather couch opposite his desk, trying to ignore the way his amber eyes pierce through you, or the way there’s a very obvious tent in his pants when he reaches across his desk to place a strand of your hair behind your ear.

He’s wanting to visit you constantly, though he rations himself a bit if only to keep some semblance of self-control.

And though he wants to be constantly touching you, feeling your soft skin against his own (that he knows he can touch with no penalty, and since the day you willingly held his hand, he’s been harboring the fantasy of hugging you, resting his hands on your waist, cupping your cheeks, running his hands through your hair, kissing you…) and just being around you, his awkwardness when it comes to opening up to you persists even once he’s absolutely sure that he’s in love with you, that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you by his side.

It’s just not that easy to tell you that his happiness depends on you now, that you’re on his mind in both the waking and sleeping world, that he’s devoted to you in every sense of the word – and so, he tries to show it to you by making sure that you’re in pristine health, that you’re spoiled with the most lavish gifts and items and goods that he can find, that you’re treated like a queen by everyone in the Shie Hissaikai, or else they’ll have hell to pay with Kai himself.

He hopes that you might understand via these methods, as it’ll take him years to fully admit to you how much you mean to him, for him to feel comfortable actually telling you those three little words he’s thinking as he stares at your sleeping form, as he watches you smile while you read a particularly happy part of your new novel.

He loves you, and as long as you stay good and obedient and personable with him, life under Kai’s rule won’t be too difficult – removed and odd, yes, but as long as the feeling that you’re some thing he’s studying and obsessing over doesn’t bother you, then you may even find yourself being okay with the locks on your doors, the threats of his men down the halls.

It’s okay, you tell yourself as he traces a single, ungloved finger across your collarbone.

It’s okay, you’re not dead yet, you’ll be okay.

PUNISHMENTS:

Despite the general softness that Kai possesses for you, he has absolutely zero patience when it comes to you misbehaving.

He’s still the boss of the Shie Hissakai, a yakuza member who’s used to being completely obeyed, to killing rebels with a flick of his wrist.

He’s still a criminal, even if you smiling at him leaves him flushed under his mask, and the moment you step out of line, he has no problem reminding you of that fact, no problem making it explicitly clear that he’s the one in charge.

He’s very much a worshipper (though more on the down-low, if only because a small part of him is still absolutely mortified that he’s fallen so deeply for someone like you), though despite seeing you as a bit of a goddess, Kai doles out punishments right and left.

Of course, there’s always the omnipresent threat of his quirk hanging over your head; you’ve been told by Rappa how excruciatingly painful undergoing a disassemblement is, and if the muscular, violent Rappa is saying that?

Well, there’s no doubt in your mind that you’d be almost glad to be dead after such an ordeal.

You’re painfully aware of just how much power Kai holds over you; how his every whim and emotion could potentially spell your death, how any small misstep (or lack thereof, to be honest) could result in your blood splattering across the walls.

And call it self preservation, but in the face of a violent, painful death at the Shie Hissakai boss’s hands, obedience begins coming quite naturally to you, as does being hyper aware of every little thing you do.

It doesn’t take long to figure out that Kai is very much not a person you want to cross, as just a few simple demonstrations of his quirk in action on unlucky yakuza underlings are almost violently shoving the truth in your face.

It becomes your mission to be the picture-esque captee, to not give him any trouble and follow his every command to a T.

After all, Kai is a difficult man to please, and while your mere presence relaxes him, makes him happy in a way he can’t remember ever experiencing, he’s not afraid to do what he needs to in order to make you understand that you will be following his every word.

Along with the ever present threat of him using his quirk on you (something which Kai has sworn he will never do, if only because he’s terrified that in doing so you’ll lose some of the precious purity you harbor), he has a tendency to use other methods to keep you in line via fear.

Killing is a part of his daily routine, and while he doesn’t particularly enjoy ending someone’s life, it’s something that he sees as necessarily in order to keep his underlings in line – and when you’re in need of a punishment?

Well, who is he to deny such wonderful timing and opportunity?

And so, when he drops by in the evening to bid you a goodnight, he can’t help but smooth his shirt down slightly and run a hand through his hair outside your door, feeling like a teenage boy with how he so desperately wants to look good for you, to impress you.

He opens the door without a knock, amber eyes flicking across the room to find you sitting on the edge of your bed with the latest book he bought for you perched in your hands, your eyes staring raptly down at the yellowed pages.

You’re so pretty when you’re focusing on something, Kai’s found, and as he watches you read with an air of complete concentration, he can’t deny that a small pang of irritation eats away at him.

He’s here, present inside your room, having sped walked through the hideout to reach you in his haste to see you, and yet you’re ignoring him in favor of a book?

It hurts a bit, if he’s being honest, if only because shouldn’t your attention be solely and completely focused on him, not some mish-mash written down on a page?

His brow twitches as he clears his throat, watching the way you jump and immediately meet his gaze, surprise flitting across your features.

You make some comment about not seeing him that only makes Kai feel worse, the distinct realization that you don’t just sense his presence as he does yours hitting him.

But before you really have any space to say more, he’s telling you to follow him, that there’s someone he’d like you to meet, which you do, hesitance eating away at your gut at the irritation swimming in his eyes.

He’d meant to have a simple conversation with you, to bask in your presence and maybe and lightly hold your hand (something that still makes him flush from the tips of his ears to the base of his neck, though he’d rather die than admit it), but now that you’ve made such a clear choice to ignore him, to prefer your book over him, he’s deciding that the man he’d planned on killing tomorrow for having made openly insubordinate comments about himself and Chrono would be receiving his punishment early, with another set of eyes viewing.

You know immediately that something is off the minute he closes the door behind you, the bald man tied to the chair in the center of the room staring wildly at you, his dark eyes pleading silently as the gag muffles any words spilling past his lips.

You can’t hide the shock and fear on your face, terror at what exactly Kai plans to do eating away at you, though when he moves to stand next to his victim you can only harshly swallow.

Tell me: do you know why I might be angry at you?

His voice is deceptively calm, apathetic yellow eyes boring into yours as you stutter out a weak ‘no’, genuinely at a loss as to why he’s upset. Kai can only frown, humming lightly before tugging a glove off, making the man beside him squirm.

I bought you those books for entertainment purposes yes, but don’t you know it’s rude to ignore others in favor of fictional characters?

You’re freezing at his words, the realization that he’d been angry at you for not noticing him earlier hitting you like a ton of bricks.

Really, I know you’re smarter than that, so I’m letting you off easy this time. But, don’t think you’ll be going completely unpunished – it’s just that Yamaro here just so happened to be willing to take the punishment for you.

The man’s eyes go wide, his squirming and struggling more desperate than before as kai unceremoniously taps a finger against his bare hand, the man immediately exploding in a shower of blood and guts, making bile rise up the back of your throat.

Kai clicks his tongue, shuddering at the splash of blood against his arm, but those cold eyes stay focused on you as you gag and look anywhere but at the sight in front of you.

It’s your fault, (f/n). If you hadn’t been so rude, he’d still be alive. Do you understand your lesson now?

That of course is not true, but Kai won’t tell you – not when you’re nodding, frantic in your desperation to get out of the room, and when Kai nods a few seconds later, opening the door, you breath heavily, staring at the cement ground in fear and shock.

The guilt is overwhelming, the idea that you’re responsible for that man’s death weighing heavily in the back of your mind, exactly as Kai hoped for.

He’s silent the rest of the night, dropping you off at your room without a word, and when you awake the next morning and he steps inside your room, you’re immediately throwing your book to the side, forcing a smile and a chirp of good morning, Kai. How are you?

It’s a bit of a dirty method yes, but Kai couldn’t care less – obedience is what he wants, and he’ll get it from you, even if he has to lie and kill right in front of your eyes.

Anything to keep you in line and his, after all.

OVERALL DANGER:

8/10

In all honesty, the danger that comes with being Kai’s darling is that there is truly, genuinely no escaping him.

He’s so thorough in his planning, so steadfast in his organization and meticulous thought put into every possible scenario that could play out with you that your future is quite literally sealed the moment he feels the trace edges of his feelings form.

Kai is, without a doubt, not a good man – his devotion to his organization is commendable, but his moral compass is deeply skewed, the mere existence of Eri enough to prove that just as he’s willing to do anything to ensure the success of the drugs, he’s willing to do absolutely anything to make sure that you stay by his side, that he gets to keep you like a prized possession that only he gets to gaze at.

You’re something he revers, his dedication to you unparalleled, and because of Kai is absolutely making sure that you’re spoiled, that he rewards his dearest, as he calls you, with the finest jewelry, the best food and the strictest schedules he possibly can in order to keep up your perfection, to keep you pristine and healthy.

He loves you, in some sick, obsessive way, and poor, poor Kai is so unused to having someone with whom he holds such deep, desperate emotional connection to that he’s honestly floundering a bit.

And lucky lucky you gets to experience every drop of cruelty, desperation and yearning the Shie Hissakai boss has to give you – and receive you shall.

#yandere bnha #yandere mha #yandere overhaul #yandere kai chisaki #_lee's profiles #_bnha #_kai chisaki

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angelstate · 2 months

Text

“Understood and Seen”

Miserable!Ghost x Miserable!Reader

Loneliness was something he was used to, the weight of years of social isolation had managed to tame him enough that seeking a lover seemed to be an action he rather not do, he appreciated too much the quietness at night, the ability to walk away from somewhere and not be missed, not having to worry about leaving someone behind if he were to die in the battlefield.

it brought a sense of peace in a way, a sadistic and destructive one in the long run, destined to forever be desolated, to perish with no one holding his hand as he takes his last breath. It was a miserable ending, as Johnny made him see.

Then you came along, pretty smile and the touch of a pristine and unblemished angel, unaware of the torture that could be being a human, like you were created for the sole purpose of bringing peace to the disturbed people roaming the earth like himself.

it would’ve been stupid to let you go, to not let his claws sink into your skin, no matter how much he wanted to leave you untouched and well like when he first met you. What’s another sin under his name? if he is destined to burn in hell for having touch you, then he would endure infinite torture just for the opportunity to hold your hand.

It was cruel truly, the way you could never seem to stop gifting feathers from your wings till you couldn’t fly away from the greedy hands of miserable people, trying to snatch your bones and limbs to suffice themselves.

he felt bad at times, your struggle was visible even when you tried to hide it behind kind smiles, gentle touches and soft hearted worry. giving and being stolen from while thanking those who took, comforting them if they felt awful about grabbing more than they needed.

Sometimes kindness took opportunities away from you more than it gave them, you were a clear example that sometimes being a good person gets you nowhere, he should know, his family was killed when he chose to be good.

quietness didn’t suit you, that’s what simon believed after knowing you for almost two years. The beaming energy is always present even when you are just sitting on a chair with a book in your hands. A sort of joy was always there, a faint hum always leaving your lips, like you couldn’t stand the quietness in any way.

therefore, the sight in front of him is weird to say the least, you were sitting in your usual chair, no book in hand, eyes opened as you stared out the window, there was no one outside, the heavy rain had stopped the ability of trainees and other soldiers to go outside and do their normal schedules.

so what were you looking at? he couldn’t exactly tell, maybe the rain? but then again, you weren’t one to get hung up on sad aspects of life, the way rains interrupts the flow of your life, takes away opportunities of doing things out in nature because risking your health is something you rather not do, knowing you were too needed to compromise something so important for your own enjoyment, you can “fill your enrichment time doing other things after all” or that’s what you always told him.

you closed the doors that opened for you every time you could, not taking opportunities if it meant you couldn’t give one to another person, being selfless is a step away from being self destructive, Simon believed you had already walked past the distance though.

far too gone for your own good, but what can he do, when he is the type to walk away every time life asks for more than he’s willing to give, and you are only able to walk impossibly closer to give more than life asks you to hand over.

He's too different to understand you, it’s futile to try and adopt your perspective. He doesn’t spend time doing rotten work, not even for himself, although he allows himself to sympathize with you.

“enjoying the rain?” he asks suddenly, breaking you out of your chain of thoughts.with a harsh soop, sometimes you wished he wasn’t so good at gathering your attention.

you hummed in confirmation at his words, eyes briefly looking towards him, gaze with a dimmed glee in it. something was missing, he could sense it in his every bone, every fiber of his being buzzed as a signal there was a thing out of place, interrupting the usual peace and joy that circulated all around you.

“reminds me of home” you muttered softly, and if it wasn’t for the otherwise quiet and empty room he wouldn’t have been able to hear you. your words ring loudly on his ears and he doesn’t know what to do, for what feels like an eternity of desolation.

home is a word that he doesn’t hear often, people tend to avoid the word like it’s a curse when he’s around, pretending that the existence of a place to go after work is nonexistent. He is grateful sometimes for the quietness in regards to the topic of belonging somewhere but it’s also disheartening.

your answer doesn’t taste bitter in his mouth, it is rather sour and sweet. a complex mix of feelings he is used to experience but still finds overwhelming all the same as the first time he felt them. even without meaning to, you’re able to carve a way into his heart.

it’s like you’re threatening to prove to him that there’s more to life than what he has experienced so far, it terrifies him in a way he would never indulge or admit out loud.

“homesick?” he asked, tilting his head slightly, it wasn’t something unusual for soldiers to experience, even he, with nowhere to go back to, sometimes also felt homesick, the idea of a home most of all but it still counted in his book.

“something like that…rain just made it a bit more painful” you responded to his question, tone so somber that he could feel some of the sadness seep into his skin. today you didn’t feel like being chirpy and he couldn’t really blame you.

you took a deep breath, eyes looking towards him and away from the window, like your mind had finally processed you were talking to someone and not solely focused on pleasing them. Simon watched as you twisted in your seat to face him, a smile on your lips he knew was just part of your routine rather than a sign of your actual feelings.

Everyone gets through life in a different way, he could only imagine how exhausting it must be to try and make everything positive when you’re clearly struggling to float in an ocean of emotions that most people chose to just sink to the bottom and drown.

“sorry..i shouldn’t be gloomy, rain is amazing for the plants” you said apologetically, a red tint in your cheeks he knew was because of embarrassment.

you felt stupid being upset about something so simple, the rain and a home was something a lot of people didn’t have in their lives and yet you believed you had the right to be sad about something that should be appreciated.

even without meaning to, you were selfish. selfish…God, what would your mother think about the way you were behaving if she was here right now?

your mind taunts you with whispers, as if the smallest of memories carried the weight of years of pain “don’t be a disappointment, make her proud…for the love of God make her at least not regret having you.”

It feels ridiculous and you question yourself a second too long, maybe you should go to therapy like captain price had suggested all those months ago, no shame in asking for help, you cannot always survive on your own, one way or another you will find yourself also needing things from people to be happy.

“I hate the bloody rain…disturbs combat sessions” Simon said, trying to somehow make you feel less conscious about hating some aspects of life. Everyone is entitled to feel a certain way about things and it's time you understand that.

He wished he could bring himself to say more, a thought in the back of his head that told him you deserved to be one of the people he let into his life after seeing you consistently be present and helpful in every way you can. Maybe he was taking advantage of the situation.

But how could he not do so, you dedicated every ounce of energy running through your veins to comfort the disturbed, like it would fix the people who were born broken, shattered from the womb, welcomed into the world with death and violence.

“that’s a valid reason…yeah” you answered more to yourself than to him, his words replaying in your mind like a broken record, what wouldn’t you give to allow yourself to hate something so openly, to say you hated something and not hear your mother on the back of your head telling you to be grateful, that you were too selfish for hating things people liked and needed.

Simon shrugged, he didn’t need a valid reason to hate the rain, he guessed you were just talking through him, the need to have a valid point to dislike something seemed to be very important to you, almost anguishly so.

“It doesn't need to be valid love…you can have an opinion about the bloody rain without having a reason” he commented, breaking the silence that seemed to stretch for a longer period of time as the conversation went on with great difficulty, the both of you communicating because you thought the other needed it.

two helpless souls who cope in different ways, you were like the embodiment of trying to save people from drowning while not knowing how to swim yourself, and he was the water, taking down every living thing that he let into his space, killing without meaning to, almost unaware of the danger that lie within himself, a graveyard with not memory of the people he buried in it.

you understand his point of view, why he speaks what he does, but it doesn’t help you to accept that having a lack of reasoning isn’t in itself a death sentence to your worth. that you’re allowed to live happily hating something as insignificant as the rain and not be a bad person for it.

this goes beyond the simple rain though, you know it, he knows it but neither of you is ready to recognize it, cowardly so, but you’re not even worthy to criticize even your own behavior so you keep your mouth shut as time continues to pass.

some things are meant to change, the universe cannot continue its flow if they don’t. you should know that, it isn’t healthy to stay behind while pushing everyone to move forwards, wanting the past for yourself, to drown in memories of people who will not return, trying to change situations that already happened, there is no saving them, there is no saving yourself from experience it.

Moving on is a type of love, a love you have been neglecting yourself from.

Simon believes in a lot of things, God isn’t one of them, but he finds himself speaking to God more often than he cared to admit, suggesting him to give you some type of mercy, to give your mind the ability of forgiving and forgetting.

He knows it’s forlorn, that if God exists he isn't the person who God would choose to answer their prayers to, but the effort, as futile as it is, doesn't get lost on him. for once in his life he finds himself trying to seek help, not for his well being directly, but if you're fine, he will be too.

This time he doesn’t mind doing rotten work, not if it is for you.

You knew sooner or later life would catch up to you, that moving fastly wasn’t the right measure, especially when you struggled so greatly moving on from the past. It is conflicting and torturous to be pulled back and forwards constantly, your limbs cannot stand the tugging.

You're not made of rubber, the resistance will not last forever, one day you'll fall and not be able to get up. Caring for yourself is a decision you have to make, there’s no other choice but to tend after your wounds. Bleeding out is not an option.

“this is nice…” you mumbled, tracing your fingers on the hardcover of a book you had bought recently. It wasn’t often you allowed yourself to spend money on things you enjoyed, always buying things for others, the ones you believed deserved nice things more than you did.

It was a small action, one that set a mindset that you too, had the right to be a priority on your list of important things. your mother would be furious if she were by your side right now. Thankfully, sometimes death is kind, not to the people who pass, but to the people who get to live after the loss of someone who harmed them more than they took care of them.

“good to see you taking care of yourself” a voice said from behind you, spanning you out of your thoughts and bringing you back down to earth. It would have been nice to stay in your bubble for a bit longer but you're given the time you're given for now and hope to gain more in the future.

you hum, turning around and the figure of simon coming into view, your grip in the book tightens for a second before loosening in a relaxed manner, no need to bear the claws that you keep hidden to someone who is not set to harm you. not that you would hurt people that do.

you're a dog that doesn’t bark or bite, too domesticated to let instinct take over. wanting to please people more than the want to survive, dying in a pool of your own blood, proud of not bearing your teeth to someone who deserved even the slightest growl.

“is just a book” you replied as humbly as you can bring yourself to be at the moment, part of you believed you owed the biggest cordiality and humbleness to Simon, he was the one who had brought you to the point of being able to buy a book and feel half the guilt you would have experienced otherwise.

and this, in a world full of misfortune, pain and misery can only be described as an overdramatic motion to something as simple as shame to claim written pieces of paper as your own, but is difficult to not see it as the end of the world when you have never been able to even think that your suicide note is of your ownership.

Simon doesn't know the context of your so-called humbleness but he can shoot a guess in the dark and find the target quickly as everyone who cared to give you the slightest bit of attention did.

that was humiliating of course, and he knew better than to bring it up and throw you into a pool of more shame than you could survive in, drowning by the minute, unaware there was no bottom to sink to, just an eternity of feeling unwelcome into your own body and life.

“I have books too” he tries to approach the subject in a way you would,with carefulness and gentleness palpable but he is the furthest thing away from a cautious person when it came to feelings, not indulging in them the same way other people did, barely able to feel any at all most of the time.

So he ends up sounding as stupid as you often feel when speaking to people in the same tone, he cringes at his lack of ability to show he cares in a loving and indirect way, the gentleness of showing you care with more than overused words and phrases.

“What type of books do you read?” you ask, trying to find a crevice to slip through in his life as you always did, but every corner seemed to be sealed shut.

oh how much he wished you would just notice the door he opened just for you to walk in and never leave again.

This is stupid, that much is clear on his mind and yet at the same time the intimate tone of the conversation leaves him starving for more of you, a connection more profound than the care and worry you feel towards him who you think is forced to stand by your side.

“Philosophy” he responds, muttering gruffly his answer like the word feels heavy on his tongue, letting himself be known and seen by someone he feels may just be as rogue as him.

“Lovely…philosophy feeds the soul and kills it in the same motion” you comment, head tilted and eyes focused on the twitch his eyebrows do every few seconds, like it is the only way his emotions can manifest without being shut down by him.

“or my uncle used to say that, it can be false…i don't really read philosophy” yet again you find yourself explaining your words, fumbling over everything that could be said to give a reason to what leaves your mouth.

Do you give meaning to your words, or does the person who hears them?

Is tragic really, it is as if you can't help but run in circles around the idea that Simon would misunderstand you and walk away.

but you guess that the fear is to some degree acceptable, when all your life you've focused on understanding others, at the mere sight of someone trying to understand you you panic, worrying that what you are isn't pretty, worrying they won't understand the ugliness they might find.

All that is left is to let go, Can you let go?

The willingness to live and not just survive is something you have to find within yourself, and walking that path alone is not something you have to do.

Simons stands by your side, an understanding that whatever it is that weighs you down and attached you to your past is worth loving if it means to bring peace to a restless soul.

He wasn't wrong when he first met you, you are an angel who brings peace to the disturbed people roaming the earth, he just wishes the disturbance wasn't a disease.

he wished he had kept you pristine and unaware, no angelical being deserves to experience being a human, you did not deserve the torture that it is to be mortal, to lose and to be hurt.

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sparrowsupportgroup · 7 months

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my AIS headcannons

Has a collection of unique teacups, from the most simply designed ones to the most beautifully decorated cups to the finest of china

He even has a couple of funky, novelty inspired teacups in his possession

But no matter how interesting these teacups are, they’re all gonna be drank out of, one way or another

Similar to teacups, Ais also has a vast collection of tea flavors

For the 00000000.1% chance he has a guest that wants to just spend time with him and it’s someone he genuinely likes, Ais belives it’s important to have a variety of flavors that the guest can choose from. He actually wants to be a good host, you know

Ais has his tea preferences, though. His favorite flavor of tea are those that are spiced, such as chai and ginger tea

But let’s say you’re a special little Sparrow he loves driving up a wall: if you have a specific flavor of tea that you enjoy drinking, Ais would start drinking that flavor more and it would become his favorite because it reminds him of you

Ways Ais shows affection: he definitely does the Itachi/Sasuke forehead poke

He especially likes to catch you off guard when he forehead pokes you because you have NO idea what it means and find it annoying but that’s all the more reason for him to continue to do it

Another way Ais shows affection is forehead bumps - he likes to just gently bump his forehead against yours to get your attention; he even eggs you on to do it back to him

Ais knows sign language. When a desperate visitor seeking salvation arrived at the Seaspring communicating only with their hands one day, Ais decided to learn the language for himself. He’s gotten quite fluent in it actually

He even taught Princess, smart girl that she is, some sign language

Ais definitely does cuddle piles with Princess + his other Soulless pets. What can he say, he’s a lonely guy and he needs some affection every once and a while. Guess you can say he’s….touchstarved

Ais is kinda sentimental. You can say he’s bit of a hoarder too, with how he collects and keeps the strangest things he finds

The jewelry adorning his body are inherited from deceased members from his old gang, but he refuses to even think about that

Ais finds value in the damaged and broken things people toss away, such as the cracked and shattered teacups and teapots left abandoned in the wastelands, the strange trinkets and baubles he has discovered discarded in the bog waters, the destroyed articles of clothing brought to him by Princess and other Soulless, unique tokens loss upon the steps leading to the Seaspring

The yawning dark that’s in the back of the Seaspring is where he stores all these items in some type of gentle, protective nest; at first, Ais didn’t understand why he harvested these items that people no longer have use for, why he took so much care in persevering all these abandoned personal artifacts

But then Ais realized the reason he collected all these things because they’re remnants of someone’s previous life; their life before their tragic demise in the wastelands or before he helped them drink from the blood red waters of the Seaspring and solemnly guided them to the realm of insanity

Those people were forgotten and possibly never cared for while alive; but with Ais collecting all these items, he can validate that they existed in this cruel world and that they had worth; that they had mattered

#touchstarved game #ais headcannons #aisposting

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funky-astrologer · 11 months

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Astrology Moments in Time : Leo Venus Transit 💋

*Based on Tropical/Western astrology

This week Venus enters Leo. This is a time for us to shine, be proud of ourselves, of what and who we love and experience some lightheartedness. Venus, Mars and Lilith are ALL in Leo! EXPRESS yourself. This energy is so sexy (for lack of a better word) because there’s an abundance of confident energy. So flaunt your stuff and be open about what makes you shine. Allow yourself the permission to be the version of you that you’ve been longing for. It girl mentality only. 💋❤️‍🔥🌹

💋Leo in the 1st house - Try a new style. Put energy, love, and creativity into your appearance. Is there a style of makeup you’ve been wanting to try? Don’t be afraid to make a move, a gesture toward something you want. Whether it’s something simple or something big. You are taking it all on with confidence. You are shining during this transit. Connect with the world around you. Show up as your best self and see what happens.

💋Leo in the 2nd house - Acknowledge where you may be falling short. Your self-worth is important and radiates into every bit of your life. Spend time pampering yourself, know that you are a wonderful being and act like you are. Self-care time is key. Treat yourself like royalty. Assess the things you value and seek to improve the things that aren’t aligning with those values.

💋Leo in the 3rd house - “Winning friends and influencing people.” Reach out to friends and/or people close to you. Strike up a conversation, be open minded and try to learn something new about your environment. Spend a day exploring. Allow yourself to be inspired by what you see around you. Be mindful of how you are using your voice and expressing yourself. Try to speak from different perspectives and parts of your body. Speak with your heart, or with your belly, with your creative, sacral center, etc. You will learn where your true power lies and how you might be able to better use and express it.

💋Leo in the 4th house - Beautify your home. Spend time in your place of comfort and happiness wherever that may be. Try new recipes. Delight in old memories, but do not reconnect with people who dim your shine. Call up a family member, tell them you love them. Remember that your self-worth is only determined by you. Look for beauty in the familiar, mundane aspects of your life. Create a stronger bond with yourself by expressing only that which most aligns with your heart.

💋Leo in the 5th house - Creativity! Pour into your hobbies, interests and things you genuinely enjoy, whatever that may be. Joy is the goal here, do the things that make you happy and light you up. Allow yourself to SHINE. You are recognizing your natural strengths and talents. Romance may be easier with this transit and delighting in the best that life has to offer. Immerse yourself in life’s experiences deeply and fully! This transit reminds me of the song “Summertime in Paris.”

💋Leo in the 6th house - Stay active and engaged. Self-improvement doesn’t have to be hard but is a focus. You are taking charge will be happier if you follow your ‘gut’ and instincts. Express gratitude. Encourage others who could be struggling. Be open to being a source of guidance. But still put yourself first! You are experiencing lots of fresh energy toward the end of this transit. Out with the old, in with the new.

💋Leo in the 7th house - Love and connection. Life through rose colored lenses. Improving relationships. Manifesting better relationships. Build understanding and harmony with others. You are shining in terms of connecting with others, and a relationship offer may manifest. Try spending time with yourself to understand what you desire in someone else.

💋Leo in the 8th house - Intimacy & securing bonds. Feeling connected to your true self. Authenticity. Trusting the process. Tap into your inner 'femme fatale’ and work with the energy to manifest your truest desires. Nobody can stop you from realizing your worth. Self-worth is getting a major boost for sure. Seek to improve finances and don’t be afraid to ask for help, you will surely receive it.

💋Leo in the 9th house - There is beauty all around you. The world is opening up for you like a blooming flower. You are starting to glow with new confidence and self-assurance. Trust in yourself and your instincts. Life is becoming more exciting, and you are feeling more enthusiastic. This could be a time to rediscover your path as well. Don’t rush the process though. You can only climb mount Everest one step at a time.

💋Leo in the 10th house - Feeling like becoming a new person. A rebrand on the horizon. You are letting go of the person you used to be and seeing a new image emerge. You are challenging your limiting beliefs about your abilities. A time to see what you are really capable of. You will gain respect by being yourself and having confidence in your skills. Reputation will receive a boost if you allow it.

💋Leo in the 11th house - Friendships and social groups are more prominent and you are the main influence. Main character energy. A time to lead with character and confidence. Your main support could be friends and you may be feeling happiest around them.

💋Leo in 12th house - Ideas and insights are coming to you as epiphanies almost. Spend time bringing forth these ideas in a very real way. Do something small each day. Pour little bits of creativity into the most mundane tasks. Romanticize your life in the best way possible! Your inner magic is getting a boost here and you can surrender to it with confidence.

I hope you enjoyed reading this post! Stay positive. Happy strawberry moon🌕🍓

#leo #venus #astrology #transits #persona charts #venus in leo #mars #lilith #natal chart #astrology transits #manifestation #itgirlmentality

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taggedmemes · 4 months

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SENTENCE MEME BALDUR'S GATE 3 / PART THREE

i heard what happened.

thank you for protecting the child.

we can risk violence here or face it for certain on the road.

a low thought, but i'd be lying if i said i hadn't considered it.

i'm not some murderer for hire.

to get these people to safety, there's nothing i won't do.

if your people survived that, they'll survive anything.

it's unusual for them to organize so cleverly.

you're equal to the task.

try not to keel over with the first blade drawn.

might not look it, but we're tough.

there's optimism and then there's stupid.

how are you going to take my gold if you're dead?

just leave the gold on my corpse.

i wish we could at least give them a proper burial.

gold ain't any use if you're too cold to spend it.

you're giving up?

you should leave it, or destroy it.

at best it's worthless. at worst, who knows.

do not trifle with that moon witch or her trinkets.

only trouble will follow.

we've enough troubles and burdens as it is.

perhaps you can sell that for a couple of coins.

i should pluck your eyes out.

a cursed book? how obvious.

this quarrel sours our feast.

be you friend or food?

am i not astonishing?

i am by all accounts a student of higher commerce and extortion.

it's not what it looks like, i swear.

i wasn't going to hurt you.

i can't believe i didn't see it.

i'm not some monster.

why didn't you tell me?

i needed you to trust me.

you can trust me.

do you think you could trust me just a little further?

let's make ourselves comfortable, shall we?

i was just swept up in the moment.

i'm looking forward to seeing you fight.

you're invigorating, but i need something more filling.

this is a gift, you know. i won't forget it.

good morning. how do you feel?

i just feel a little woozy.

i thought you'd be more powerful.

someone, or something, wants me alive.

as for my other quirks — well, we can figure those out in time.

i'm just glad you're being sensible about these revelations.

i was worried people might turn up with torches and pitchforks.

that explains the pallor.

we're each monsters in the making.

i taste absolutely awful.

we need him, like it or not.

we're bound together, no matter what comes.

you say all the right words, but i'm not so sure you mean the right things.

i will respect the decision that was made.

we're all friends again.

there's a long day ahead of us.

what a manner of place is this?

is this a path to redemption or a road to damnation?

your journey is just beginning.

what would suit the occasion?

i am [name], very much at your service.

if you want to threaten me, don't disguise it.

you're paranoid, aren't you.

must be the surroundings.

rather bleak and lonesome, one feels so exposed.

this quaint little scene is decidedly too middle-of-nowhere for me.

enjoy your supper. after all, i might be your last.

are these theatrics leading somewhere?

are you not entertained?

far be it from me to disappoint.

how dear is one's soul?

you're made if you think i'll make a deal with a devil.

what is madness but a denial of reality?

exhaust every possibility until none are left.

when hope has been whittled down to the very marrow of despair, that's when you'll come knocking on my door.

i'll have the last laugh in the end.

one might say you're a paragon of luck.

i've something important to discuss with you.

we've been travelling together for a while now and it's just about time that i shared something with you.

are you telling me you're addicted to magic?

i would not burden anyone other than myself with this were the stakes not so high.

if not out of the simple goodness of your heart, then perhaps your own self-interest might be sufficient motivation.

please, trust me.

your help could be the difference between life and death.

i'm afraid that's not going to work on me.

let us agree on actions first and explanations later.

i didn't come seeking battle.

you're different than the others, i can tell.

i'm afraid proper thanks must wait.

your boldness is a blessing.

it takes more than mere fire to break me.

i must ask again for your aid.

why entrust this to me?

i know him better than most.

i'm not interested in your lineage.

you shouldn't keep secrets like this from me.

he named me friend, and that meant the world.

they're a powerful friend with a keen interest in privacy.

i'm sworn to say no more.

i spent more time dueling than rubbing elbows with lords.

not to say i didn't develop a taste for good win and a talent for courtly dance.

it's been a badger's age since i've twinkled my toes.

a drunk ogre could put on a better show.

we can learn a lot from fairytales, don't you think?

he'll require of you only what you're least ready to part with, and then require more still.

the devil won't take just anything, he'll take everything.

that is a story reserved for lifetime friends and calmer days.

i question the wisdom in that decision but so be it.

there's no way you could have known.

i doubt a fight against them would go your way.

seems you have good survival instincts.

i go my own way — alone.

#rp sentence meme #sentence meme #sentence prompts #sentence starters #starter sentences #rp memes #rpc #memes

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thesmokingguns · 1 year

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Love Language HC

Warning: Mentions of Sex

Love Langauge

Steven

-Head itches: the physical touch makes him feel loved but also safe. The feeling of nails going through his hair and moving down to rub his neck is peak

-Loves going to pick out candy. WIll know your favorite candy, even if it’s super obscure and securing it for you

-Loves to feel seen in a relationship, asking questions about what is going on and sharing interests makes the golden retriever in him come out

-Date night is adventurous for him. He wants to go race cars or try rock climbing or jump out of an airplane. Loves thrill seeking activities

-At parties he doesn’t need to be glued to your side. He loves maintaining friendships and being social but enjoys the ride home where you two reconnect

-Loves holding his love with two arms, their head on his chest. He feels like he’s the protector but also intimate with physical connection

-Enjoys when someone else picks up the tab. Just because he has money doesn’t mean that spending it feels great. He’s not cheap but the way it feels to have someone treat him to dinner is very nice.

-Loves a homemade gift, especially if he can show it off. Things like a handmade jacket or something artistic would make him feel really special.

Slash

-Physical touch matters so much to him. He loves holding hands in public and feeling the connection of someone else

-The importance of silence. Slash likes to be able to sit and just play his guitar or having moments where someone can understand there is more to do than talking

-Loves showering with his partner. It doesn’t have to be sexual but it can be. Morning showers where you wake up together and afternoon showers where you talk about your day are so special

-Visual person. Loves getting sexy pictures and surprises like underwear in his guitar case. When you send him links to porn you’re watching or ask to put on porn so you can act it out that really is something he loves.

-Slash loves to serve. He will hold you bag, take pictures for you and do very basic things like hold the door. He feels like showing up matters

-Loves buying his person jewelry. Spoiling you with things he buys and seeing you wear it really turns him on and makes him feel like the provider

-Will 100% get offended if you try to pay the bill. He is old fashioned and is the provider. Enjoys being in that role and it makes him feel masculine.

-Loves night time intimacy. Loves making love outside under the moon, swimming naked in the pool at night, backseat of the car watching the city lights. He is a moon lover

Axl Rose

-Will send you flowers every week. Flowers every week is just a constant reminder he is keeping your love fresh and thinking about you

-Loves home cooked meals with his person. If they cook he will find the perfect wine to pair with it but he also likes to try things out in the kitchen, even if he is not good at it.

-Loves being the little spoon. Even if you’re smaller he likes the way it feels to be held and loved. Getting the back kisses and feeling your cheek against his shoulder blades.

-Dancing with his partner is life. In a restaurant or in their living room. There doesn’t have to be music, he will make it. One of his favorite memories was walking down the street in Spain and hearing street music. Stopping and dancing with you, holding your back as he moved around to words he didn't know and just feeling connected to you.

-Loves knick knacks from travels together. Some people collect magnets, some people collect postcards, Axl collects junk. Stupid things that clutter the house but he can look at and remember scenes from a day with you

-Words of affirmation make him feel good. He loves how you talk him up and hold eye contact when you explain to him how you love him.

-Loves having sex standing up. The feeling of your bodies fully pushed together just feels amazing to him.

-Wants you to always sit on his lap. Constantly holding you around the waist and having you sit on his lap, his chin on your shoulder as he talks to whoever as he holds you.

Duff McKagan

-Will facetime you until one of you falls asleep. Will stay on the phone and watch you sleep until he falls asleep.

-Loves sending you dirty videos and dick pics. It turns him on to show himself and he knows you love the physical proof that you turn him on.

-Dirty talk and hair pulling turns him on so much but he also loved love making and soft kissing. Such a versatile lover.

-Kissing your hands when you’re talking, kissing your hands when you’re walking, kissing the tips of your fingers when you’re asleep

-Loves spoiling you. Spending money on things you wear and how you look is a status symbol to Duff and proof that he can take care of you

-Couples massages, matching outfits, quarterly photoshoots- he is that extra AF lover who wants everyone to know that the two of you are a pair.

-His love language is when you get into things with him. It can be as simple as reading the same book as he is or making him a cup of coffee in a pour over chemex and measuring everything out just like the youtube video he watched. He can get hyper fixated on something so having a partner understand that is cool

-Duff hates fighting so someone who can talk thing sout with him and give him space if he’s mad makes him feel respected and empowered. He wants to be able to communicate and having someone willing to do that with him, even when times are tough is great

Izzy Stradlin

-Not being an overbearing lover is important. Izzy doesn’t want thirty texts when he is out because it takes too long to zoom in on the writing or put his readers on to see it. If he says where he is going and when he will be back he doesn’t need communication. Appreciates being trusted and given space.

-Kisses please. Wants to be kissed constantly. The quick how was your day kiss, the long sensual i’ve missed you kisses, the I want to fuck in bed tongue kisses, the kisses you do down his body to her erection

-Izzy loves missionary sex. He’s not vanilla or boring but the intimacy of your legs around him, teh eye contact, the deep long strokes as he talks to you and tells you that he loves you

-Writes love songs as a way to express his feelings. Will also use lyrics like poems that he will sneak into your purse or gym bag. Small reminders that he is thinking of you during the day

-Vacations and exploring other cultures together builds your bonds. He likes the no fancy travel where you can backpack through europe and stay in hostels together learning about a place more than visiting

-Sunday morning coffee dates where you catch up on the week and plan you next week together are his favorite. That time set aside for each other is the best feeling in the world

-Goes all out on holidays because he knows that sometimes he can struggle with the love language of gift giving. Spends too much money and does lavish things for all holidays. Makes you easter baskets despite your age. First year he hid 100 dollar bills in easter eggs in the backyard.

-Constantly saying I love you and touching places like your shoulders and lower back and points that can hold tension and weight, trying to release any pain you feel.

#GNR #guns n roses #izzy stradlin fanfiction #izzy stradlin guns n roses #Izzy Stradlin headcanon #Slash fanfic #Slash HC #Axl Rose fanfic #Steven Adler #Duff Mckagan

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littlemoonastrology · 4 months

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The Nature of Saturn ♄ in Astrology - LittleMoon's Rambles and Top Tips for Saturn in Cancer

I feel like a lot of opinions on Saturn strictly focus on the negative aspects of it's energy (especially in Pop-Culture Astrology) such as: creating blockages, helping you mature through lessons which take a while, self-doubt...

But Saturn is so much more than that!

This Planet is the embodiment of Karma, it teaches you that your actions have consequences... that you can't run away from your problems and that you need to tackle them face on in order to move on. If you put in the work to improve your Saturn placement, you get rewarded and start to feel not just stable, but capable in yourself and your abilities.

Saturn will help you create a sense of longevity in your life, that you're able to reach your goals one by one (and it gets easier each time!). The sooner you start to work on this placement, the easier it will be to tackle issues as they come (and you'll be able to achieve bigger goals, also meaning better rewards!).

If you don't seek to improve your Saturn placement, run away from your problems all this will do is breed procrastination, self-sabotage and anxiety which makes improving a whole lot harder.

Saturn may also draw you to situations where it thinks you need to learn something, something you may have already struggled with to test whether you are really developing it (and if your Saturn placement is in a House/Sign with other Planets... then these are also Planets which are developed by improving your Saturn Placement's expression/area of life).

This Planet only wants to see you develop, improve and achieve your goals in life... and some people think it's a cruel or aggressive planet.

Saturn isn't cruel or aggressive - Saturn is BLUNT and HONEST... and the only way for you to really reach the top and achieve what you want is to be honest with yourself, other people and take accountability for your misdeeds. The truth always comes out - whether it takes days, months, years, decades or even centuries.

If you can't accept these responsibilities, honesty, maturing and self-development then this may be a sign you are going in the complete opposite track of where you are meant to be. Maybe, it's time for you to introspect and figure out what is really important to you rather than focusing on arrogance, spite, bitterness, pettiness, regret or that you can "do what you what" because ultimately - your actions don't matter... which is NOT the truth at all.

In order to move forward in life, you need to move ON and that means FACING your problems, being honest with yourself and taking accountability for your actions.

As someone with a Cancer Stellium (including Saturn in Cancer, Sun in Cancer at 0 degrees) I GET it, sometimes it is easier to stay with what you are comfortable with, do things when you want to and pursue the things you enjoy. But take a look at your own sense of emotional security - what do your defence mechanisms look like?

Do they actually protect your sense of self and individuality OR are you acting out because you are afraid of getting hurt and clinging too much onto the past?

Are you taking responsibility for when you hurt those people, are you taking responsibility for YOURSELF when you self-sabotage?

What about when you are clinging to those close to you and trying to protect them, are you actually protecting them or are you controlling them?

Are you closing yourself off from making valuable friendships?

How easily do you trust?

Do you let people take advantage of you, or do you put up a tough shell and hide your sensitivities?

Are you ACTUALLY enjoying life and spending time in the way you want to?

Do you feel nurtured?

If ANY of those questions resonated with you, caused you to have a think or struck something (like it made you mad, paranoid, feel guilty, resentful, regretful) - then it's time for you to introspect and work on your own sense of capability, emotional security, nurturing of yourself and your talents.

I've been working on my Saturn for the past 4 years (unknowingly! I called it self-development!) and the amount of progress I've made so far is IMMENSE (especially since my Cancer Saturn is also in my 10th House!) although I am so far from being completely done, it's a slow process! So... here are my 4 Top Tips for you:

Know that there is NOTHING wrong with you, you are an individual with your own responses and fears - if there is anyone out there that seeks to invalidate it, make you feel like nothing, like you can't work on your goals, makes you feel a deep sense of discomfort or triggers you - these people are NOT meant to be in your life for the long-term. Use them as a LESSON to learn more about yourself, wants, desires, and nurture yourself properly.

If you have hurt someone through an action you took and they have communicated this to you and you know you ARE in the wrong - take accountability, apologise and try your best to not do that action again. If you are not in the wrong and you know it, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! Don't let people emotionally manipulate you, but know the difference between emotional manipulation and when someone is genuinely hurt and trying to communicate.

Work on your triggers - get to the bottom of why you react a certain way and focus on emotional management at first if this is something which hurts you or others. Heal your emotional security at your own pace, nurture yourself with things you enjoy and do your best to live in the moment. Learn different breathing techniques, reframe the way you think and expose yourself to different situations in a healthy setting. Spend time with those who have PROVEN to be reliable in the past and bring you happiness, help you be your best self.

Focus your time and energy on the things you TRULY enjoy and give you a sense of satisfaction or peace. If you have responsibilities that you don't enjoy (and they provide you with something good and benefit your life in some way), find a way to make it more satisfying or just get straight on with it. If this responsibility doesn't benefit you in any way and provides you with more bad than good - feel free to let it go! There will be something else.

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honeycreamsweets · 2 years

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⭐️Fading Star⭐️

Miya Atsumu x Reader.

Includes- Angst. No comfort. Unrequited feelings but Atsumu is unaware of them. Gender neutral reader. Reader is upset but never speaks up and Atsumu neglecting the friendship for his new relationship. Both kinda shitty

Word count- 2014

Notes- First Haikyuu fic!! I wrote this a bit ago but finally got the courage to post it. No beta reader so I apologize for mistakes ! Just really in my feelings. Enjoy, friends !

Part 2 <-

Miya Atsumu is a star. He’s always shining and his light is the brightest of all.

He burned so brightly in your eyes. It was almost painful. Tragic really. Your feelings for him were so heavy. You felt a suffocating intensity in the midst of it. It didn’t start out that way though. These unrequited feelings were never planned from the beginning of your friendship. The dull sting of your feelings became more of a burn as he shined a light into your life.

Things were never like this…? You went from being one of the most important people in his life to a bystander in a matter of seconds. You attended his games, and always gave him a shoulder to cry on. You bonded over everything. You two would spend every day and night together if you could. With his charming smile and charismatic personality, he was quick to become your favorite person. Atsumu was seeking you out at every moment. From the moment you woke up, to the point he went to bed, you two were attached at the hip. Staying up late to sneak in a call when no one was up. Sending pictures of things that reminded you two of each other. Sleeping over each other’s places. Traveling together, movie nights, dinner, shopping, you two did it all. You told each other things that you both had never told anyone else. It all seemed so perfect.

You convinced yourself that you only liked him platonically in the beginning. You never expected it to go anywhere else from just being friends. But boy did he brighten your day. He was beaming every time he walked into a room. His laugh instantly made you happy. Even you could tell that he had a soft spot for you. Hell, Suna and his own brother noticed and pointed it out back in high school. The same dynamic followed as you graduated and even when he joined the MSBY Team. The small moments of him endlessly trying to help you and cheer you up made your heart swell. It was a fluttering feeling that made you gaze at him with more fondness. Atsumu would even proudly announce he had a list dedicated to things to cheer you up. You had one for him too. You always looked forward to being with him. He was your star that brightened your whole night.

As quickly as you two became close, he was moving on before you knew it. One of his teammates introduced him to someone new. It started off as a joke between him and his teammates that he’d go after this person. He told you that he’d never actually go date someone like them when he mentioned that person. You thought nothing of it, at the time. He swore up and down that he had volleyball as his main focus. A relationship wasn’t for him, so he claimed. But things changed.

As impulsive and quick-paced Atsumu was, this person was faster. It had only been a few days since the introduction. You had called him like you always did. The conversation started off like normal. Both of you were laughing and exciting each other with whatever plans you two had. “Oh! By the way, ——— said they like me.”, you heard the smile on his face over the phone. He was holding back his excitement while trying to be calm. You had been so focused on enjoying your star, that the news of this, hit you like a train.

You knew this all too well. You didn’t let your voice betray you. You were happy for him! Right…? He made it clear to you that he wasn’t interested because he couldn’t do another relationship. You believed him. You were so desperate to believe him. You didn’t notice how his light was already drifting from your life. That’s the thing about stars. Stars die off but their light is shown afterward. At first glance, it’ll seem like things didn’t change.

You stopped hearing from him daily anymore. Your attempts to talk to him were failing. He stopped reaching out entirely. You did your best to stay in his life but you saw the way he looked at you. At times, he gave you the same glare he used to unruly fans while he served in high school. He was annoyed. Irritated. Bothered by you. Hang-out sessions almost seemed like a chore to him. He dismissed your pleas for a friend during your lower moments. You comforted yourself. He stood you up despite making plans. Ignored your calls. He stopped coming over as often. When you two did hang out, it was cut short for some reason on his end. You decided it was best to wait on the sidelines. This was just a small passing fling..? Or maybe he needed space…? He was dealing with a lot so you waited for your star. Closing your eyes because you still felt the light… You just didn’t want to admit that the star wasn’t yours to keep.

You got a call from him finally after weeks. You missed him. You missed being in his light and his presence. You were so desperate to be with him again. You missed your star. You missed his comfort and the loneliness was hollowing. Sure, friends drift apart but this was cold emptiness. He was so cheerful and excited to talk to you. It- He made you hopeful. It seemed like things were normal again… So you thought.

“We’re dating now!” His words came out with such excitement. A new emotion inside of you swirled. One emotion you hadn’t felt throughout your friendship. You felt hurt…? Lost? The next feeling was a large amount of guilt. You should’ve been happy for him. The guilt was followed by a new realization. You were out of his circle. It would have seemed he never intended on you being there permanently. With your best foot forward, you did what you could to muster up a smile and congratulate him. But on the inside, you were hurting.

You denied it to yourself for months that your hurt feelings were nothing more than you being sensitive about being forgotten. He stopped calling and only reached out when he was bored or his new significant other wasn’t with him. No efforts on his part were done to check on you. It was all one-sided from you. Even in your lowest points, your pleas for help were brushed off. He’d make plans with you and ditch last minute. You lost your friend. Your favorite person and your star.

He invited you to his next game. A part of you didn’t want to go but you couldn’t bring yourself to say no to his smile. You were sitting in the bleachers during a big game. You watched him glow through the final match. He was just so flawless in everything he did. He was so talented and you adored it. At the end of the game, you went to congratulate him and his team. Hinata and Bokuto were happy to see you again. Bokuto even whined at you for not being around as much anymore. You apologized and turned to push the blame to Atsumu jokingly. Deep down you knew you had also separated yourself from him and his friends… It hurt too much to be there. You didn’t have the right to be upset..! You never planned on getting feelings and you never said anything to him either! It wasn’t fair to do that. You have no right to be upset.

His light burned. He shined so much, and he was unreachable. He shined for someone else. God… His smile widened when he saw you. Your heart raced as he waved to you. You froze in your spot as he rushed at you for a hug. You smiled in relief with your arms wide open. But the embrace never came. His partner called out his name. Pulling away his attention from you. You watched as he waved you off and rushed towards his partner. Your arms slowly dropped. The heat from your embarrassment caused you to feel discomfort and awkward.

He picked them up and gave them a loving kiss. He was a star that was never yours to keep. A shooting star and you just happened to be in his route. You watched the couple approach you. His partner… The exact opposite of your appearance and it was apparent at that moment. You never stood a chance. He really only did see you as a friend. A sudden hug ripped you out of your thoughts, not from Atsumu but from his partner. They smiled and hugged you tightly.

“Atsumu told me so much about you! And if you ever need help, I’m in full support of giving him time for you.”

They looked at you with a grin. You felt your chest tighten and couldn’t take it seriously. You couldn’t remember the last time you were able to feel supported by Atsumu from the moment they got together. He ignored you. He brushed you off and ditched the plans that you’d both make together. He left you alone when you were in desperate need of a friend. When have you ever gotten time?! All you could do was smile back and nodded slightly. You watched the couple walk past you and the rest of his teammates.

Hinata furrowed his brows as he approached you. “He’s moving out of the apartment to live with them.” He chuckled sheepishly. “We thought that by getting the apartment as a team, he’d last longer than 3 months living together but oh well. At least he’s happy.” You glanced up at Hinata and nodded slowly. Sakusa wasn’t far behind in the conversation. The raven-haired man spoke up next. “I told him that he should slow down but he chose them. He’s happy so I think we should drop it, Sho.

Your eyes never left Atsumu’s form. He had his arm around their waist as they both were heading to grab his belongings. Probably to go celebrate. You didn’t hear the two men besides you. Something about an invitation to go with them to celebrate..? You couldn’t focus on the words at hand as you watched the man you cared about deeply leave. You shake your head as you politely decline. With that, you take your leave quickly.

You loved that Atsumu was a star in your life. You loved the way he shined and how warm he was. You loved him. But you were never meant to enjoy him. His light burned brighter as he became more important in your life. Who knew that bright light meant that your star was dying from your sky? He was leaving your life. But you never anticipated losing him. Now you were here, seeing the star was gone. All that was left was stardust as a painful reminder. Your tears blurred your vision as you left the building quickly.

It burns and you’re silently breaking. You were nothing more than an observer. And that’s all you will ever be. Whilst crying in your car, you felt your phone go off. Atsumu texted you.

“Thanks for coming out today. I hope we can hang out soon. And I also wanted to say… Thanks for pushing and teaching me how to really appreciate my time with people. I would have never been as happy as I am now without you. <3”

You sniffled as you read the text. Your hands trembled whilst reading over his words. Those were warm words for a friend. Your impact on his happiness had nothing to do with your relationship with him. And all due to the fact he was happily in a relationship with someone else. Choking back a sob, you debated on leaving him on read. But you couldn’t do that… your pitiful heart yearned for even a simple conversation from him. Pathetically, you message him back.

“Of course. Happy for you, bestie <3 I’ll always support you. ⭐️”

#haikyuu #haikyuu angst #atsumu x you #atsumu x reader #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x gender neutral reader #miya atsumu #my fics #mentions of other haikyuu characters #atsumu angst #gender neutral reader

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