#im thinking like ALS but i need to research more

[ego-meliorem-esse]

I present to you my years long obsession - female America.

This is not a Nyotalia version it's just a concept of "what if everything is the same but Alfred was born a girl". Like i see so much potential! In a world where all the odds are stacked against her, she despite it all gets to where she is today. Making good and bad decisions along the way.

A lil hc/backstory for my main girl:

• Given name (by dad Arthur) is Elizabeth Felicity Kirkland but during the revolution changes her last name to Jones. Her first name change happens in the 1820/1830s when she changes it to Alexandra, also dropping her second name. (I was young when I came across the name and it means "defender/protector of man" and I was /obessed/ so i just stick to it since she is a loser and just thinks it's a cool sounding name)

• She goes by Alex/Al and I think that's neat :)

• My girl is tall. Like 181 cm tall. Sender but with visible muscles. She does want a bigger behind but her Anglo-Saxon genetics say nah.

• As a child she spent more time in England due to her being a girl so I think even if Arthur was absent he didn't allow her to spend much time alone in the colonies. She resents that ofc

• Just like with Alfred, Alex is very fkn close to Matt even if she forgets to call him or check up on him for months at a time. Al: "Hey man I know I just called a while ago but how've you been? Matt: "you called me 5 months ago..."

• Works at NASA as a part time aeronaitical engeneer. Loves physics, hates chemistry (self projection im sorry)

• During the revolution she dressed up as a boy but the people she worked with knew she wasn't one. People went along with it anyway.

• Other than during the American revolution, she dressed in feminine presenting clothes up until the 1930s. After that it was trousers all the way!

• Alex was never a nurse during wartime but definitely did accountaint work in ww1 and later joined the Women’s Auxiliary Air Force (WAAF) where she stayed until 1943 when she joined her men fighting on the ground ( Conversion to Army status, Women's Army Corps - WAC). That's when she saw actual combat.

• Isn't fond of birds. Canaries are fine. Eagles are unsettling.

• Obsesses over a certan thing/hobby at a time up to a point where she perfects her skill. When she was about 14 (human years) it was the whole freedom and equality of man and all the politics regarding it. In the 1890s her obession was cars and motor vehicles. The 1910s brought a new obsession on womens rights. 1960s was space exploration where she devoted almost all her time researching and working for NASA, disregarding her goverment/state duties as a country. In the 1980s it was the internet. In 1990s she got really interested in the Balkan wars (self insert >:)) for whatever reason. Today her attention is mostly on social media and her attention span ia short af. Still really likes all things tech.

• Hasn't got many properties/real estate. Al does own a penthouse in Seaport, Boston and a late 17th and early 18th century colonial home in Newbury, Boston (that she needs to renovate asap). The only other real state she owns is in California, though modern and recently buit, it's not big nor does she spend much time there.

• Her personality is basicaly Alfred if he grew up as a woman and had to face opression based on sex and inequality that came with it. So still bubbly, extroverted, a social butterfly but also self-serving, idealistic, manipulative sprinkled in with sarcasm, cautiousness and craftiness. Same feckin sense of humour tho.

• In 1783, at the Treaty of Paris in Versailles both her and her father had to sign the document that started her independence (She herself had a human representitive 'cus of her age/sex bla bla but it was mostly formalities). At that signing Arthur gave her a flintlock pistol that he himself used in the 1640s. Not many words were exchanged, he just put it in her hand to keep. She still has it in her attic. Somewhere. She'd find it if she just takes the time to look for it I'm sure.

• In 1889 she straight up did her first war crime/murder of a fellow nation (if you don't count shooting her pops face off at Saratoga in 1777). After an altrication with Antonio that resulted in him insulting and slapping the girl for her audacity and mouthiness, she punched him straight in the jaw. A fight insued where she got ahold of his belt and straight up strangled him. Took her a while to process that and accept it. On the bright side Antonios scilence was heard around the world and while perplexed and insulted, older and influential (mostly male at that point) nations started to feel a glint of respect forming for the young startup.

• Al was given a family pocket watch by her father in the 90s (No more empire for Arthur so he sad :(((((( ) that was suppoaed to go to a firstborn son of a lord as an inheritance symbol. Everyone thought Jack would get it since Matt is techincally not Arthur's son. But even he would be expected to recieve it before Al. Then in an unexpected turn of events, while visiting her grumpy and nostalgeous empire-missing dad, Arthur pulled out the watch while eating stale kebabs in front of the telly and gave it to her casualy without as much as a word (The empire started with her, it shall end with her). She keeps it in her work desk drawer in a wooden box.

• Al and Zee have an interesting relationship. While being different in almost every aspect, there ia a mutual respect for eachother from eachother. While not really being able to see eye to eye, they are sisters in a certain roundabout and very fucked up way. Girls who learned that they are very much judged by their sex despite being daughters of a high ranking British lord. While aware that she will never be Alex/Elizabeth in her fathers eyes, Zee still gets treated as a treasure by her father. Much to Zee's annoyance.

• It's still Matt who's in Alex's shadow. Despite the dificulties she rises above and is the perfect child of an empire. Smart, intelligent, inquisitive, a fast learner and incredibly aware of the political and historical situation at all times. Even despite being a girl and less than a son in the eyes of a 17th/18th century society, she suceeds.

• Arthur wanted a son to come from his colonial endeavours, as all empires/nobility at the time did. And as all other empires at the time had. But ofc karma is a bitch and he's the only empire with an only child being a daughter. Though at first thougrly dissaponted, when he lays his eyes on his daughter for the first time, the only emotion he can feel is /joy/.

• Instead of sowing/knitting Al's education was very much focused on natural sciences, since that is where Arthur quickly realized she exels at. He swapped her Violin and General History of Music lessions with Astrophysics and The History of Astronomy. All in an attempt to stop her from making his ears bleed from the constant prattling about The Four Square Theorem or The Brachistocrone Curve. It only got worse, but his daughter was happy and content.

I have sooooo many more of these jfc i might do more later but for now this is all I can think of.

TLDR: Female America is great and has so much potential as a character hghhhhhhhh

#i needed yo get this out here eventually #its just so faacinatingghh #also no glasses us 1 i cant draw em for ahit and 2 ber sight is relatively good #she looks a bit like arthur but thats on purpose i think #oh welllllll #hetalia #hws america #aph america #nyo america #nyo!america #nyotalia #my art #myart #historical hetalia #alfred f jones

[wrathful--artist]

Caged Bird and Chased Mouse

Part 2.5: The Traveler, Bird, and Eagle

A/N: OKAY I KNOW ITS BEEN A HOT MINUTE, I DONT WRITE AND HAVE BEEN READING FANFICTION AND WENT TO SEE A MUSICAL. Anyways like,,, sends me asks i need some social interactions it doesnt even have to relate to the story, once i get further into this story and have more characters you guys can request headcannon stuff! Also im basing some of the emotion stuff on my personal experience when playing these story quests.

No Warning!

Lumine is exhausted.

She’s currently resting in a room given to her by Dunyarzad, thinking over the last few days. Normally, when helping people like Tighnari, Collei, and Dunyarzad, shes fine thanks to her Creator leading her and showing her with their heavenly warmth. But without it, it has drained her of all energy, unable to give answers that once came easy to her in conversations. Paimon has filled in whenever those moments come up.

While doing Tighnari ‘quest’ (as her adventure guild book tells her, it has unique writing not like how Katheryne has written with an almost robotic font, so Lumine has chosen to assume that it was her lovely Creator), she imagined what it would’ve felt like to have her Creator lead her (her Creator was sure to cry about the poor scientist and his creation, they are such a caring and sensitive deity even for such a non-living, lifeless creature).

During the trip to the City of Sumeru, Lumine has felt a slight tug on her heart- No, her very soul. She is blindly hopeful that shes getting closer to her beloved Creator, the one thing that has been a constant in her long, long trip throughout Tevyat. Perhaps that last mark on her map was a message from her Creator, telling her where to find them, for only their most devote follower.

Lying down in the bed, Lumine has a feeling that something important is going to happen tomorrow, something that will hopefully lead her to that heavenly warmth that she has been depraved up,

Sabzeruz Festival.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Nahida has been working hard.

She’s been doing everything in her power, in her small godly body to make sure the Sages wont take them away. She may not remember who they are but Celestia be damned if she let something so familiar and comforting be torn away from her. They’ve been asleep for weeks, almost 2 months, or 57 days to be precise (Nahida doesn’t normally like to count the days of somethings like her imprisonment but she needs to make sure they don’t somehow die or sleep for too long). She didn’t want to let go the warmth the stranger brought to her, that was so unlike the cold and sterile environment of the sanctuary she saw everyday for the past 500 years.

She’s made it so if they tried to remove the stranger from her prison, something would go wrong and mess with the Akasha so horribly that it would be down for who knows how long, and since all citizens were dependent on the Akasha, the sages weren’t willing to take that risk. Especially when their plan seems so focused on using the Akasha for.. something, something big and dangerous. So the Sages had decided to let the caged bird have her toy, for now.

Nahida cuddled up to the prone body of the stranger, wanting to feel more of the comforting warmth she felt in the dream space. She hoped they would meet again soon in the dreamscape, maybe they would do something nice like sing to her or something…

Nahida let herself sleep, and decided to pass the time until the Sabzeruz Festival came by looking at dreams, hoping that with that the stranger’s subconscious would let her in again.

She wishes she had been more greedy and have them talk more, their voice was nice.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Al Haithem is confused, yet curious.

The Sages ushered him into the Sanctuary of Surasthana, needing him to act as a scribe and record their research for an upcoming plan of theirs.

When he walked in he saw…

It was them. The stranger- no wait, Imposter if he remembered correctly (which he did) - he met months ago, the one who was incredibly suspicious yet intriguing. They gave off a form of aura, that felt… warm. He let them off the hook to see what they’d do at that time, not expecting them to be the infamous Imposter that a few Nations had warned others about. In his opinion, they looked just like the creator, but they didn’t seem malicious by any means. Only scared, as if a tiny mouse being hunted by packs of foxes.

It makes sense though, they’re being hunted by every nation just because they shared the same face. Al Haithem personally thought they were going a bit far, it’s idiotic to punish someone who happened to share a face with the All Mighty Creator.

One of the Sages cough to get his attention.

“Yes?” He replies with pen and scroll in hand, ready to record for them.

“You seemed lost in thought, a dangerous thing for a scribe to be doing, especially with such precious information as this.” One spoke up with an attitude

“Well, I realized I knew who that stranger is in the orb,” Al Haithem points with his pen, where Lesser Lord Kusanali was seemingly cuddling up with the Imposter, “It’s the rumored Imposter, the one who wears the Creator’s face.”

The Sages take a double take, walking towards the center to try and get a good view of the strangers face. It may have been squished slightly against the ‘glass’ but it was, in fact, the same face. The revelation starts a murmur with the Sages, as Al Haithem observes the Imposter,

Feeling a…

Tug in his chest.

______________________________________________________________

Okay okay i know i was gone for awhile, but do you like this filler? Lumine won for which traveler should be the one I use so yeah, shes her now.

oh god so many people to tag

If your name is crossed out it means I could tag you Im sorry :(

Taglist: @no-name-omo @moosieman12345 @tinandabin @esthelily @d0rmiens-fact0rem @lunalily19 @meerpea @justasleepyboi @lunarianillusion @cumbermovels @allblognamesaretakenlikereally @dulleyeddreamer @ello-its-me-ya-boi @jayastronomicnova @apple-ai @campanula-rotundifolia @kokomisimpppp @the-dumber-scaramouche @aintrovertmortal @i-loveyou013

#genshin impact #au #genshin nahida #genshin fanfic #genshin sagau #sagau #imposter sagau #sagau x reader #genshin impact sagau #genshin alhaitham #genshin #not me trying to be a writer again #still an artist #fluff #ig

[satorugojooo]

Can I order Al haitham x reader who has moles like ayaka and ei? I don't see that there are characters in Sumeru who have moles so I thought about it

A/n: yes I agree we need a reader with moles in sumeru as well I bet they would look amazing! I hope you will enjoyyy~

Pairings: Alhaitham x gn!reader

Warnings: none!

Alhaitham didnt expect to be so in love with you. He always avoided love because when your in love you can't think rationally right? Well that's till he met you.

The newest secretary in the Akademiya was a job you loved. Of course you had to see those blockheaded sages all day but you liked to work in such a big place as the Akademiya.

When the sages put you to deliver some papers to the Haravatat you found yourself entering in the big room made for the old runes researching. As you stepped in you turned away to lock the door and when you tried to step further you bumped into something. As you gained back your balance you looked up to see a tall men with Grey hair.

"You should be careful where you step, you could get hurt in this way." he told you and you nodded.

"Apologies, are you part of the Haravatat?" you asked and he looked at you better. After a moment of silence that felt like an eternity he spoke:

"Yes you could say I am, is there anything I can do to you miss...?" he asked and you looked at him.

"Call me y/n please, I'm the new secretary working under the sages in the Akademiya and I brought some documents." you said and he took the documents.

"I'm Alhaitham, please take a seat." he said and you both started to review the documents.

As he looked at you being focused on the papers he noticed the little mole you had on your right cheek. He didn't see anyone with moles around sumeru but seeing you stirred something in him, and he knew that these feelings are no good for someone like him.

***

As time passed Alhaitham tried to get rid of these feelings and yet, each day he got to see you he felt the need to be around you more and more.

Everyone was surprised that Alhaitham was in the Akademiya since he would always be gone for missions and tasks. But now since the new secretary came he suddenly started working in the Akademiya again? Some rumors started to form that even a man like Alhaitham had a soft spot.

One night he was sitting at his office at home trying to solve some documents needed for you. He wanted to get them done as soon as possible.

As he was "trying" his best to get them done he kept thinking about you.

"So what are you exactly doing at this hour huh?" Kaveh said entering the room.

"I'm just doing some paperwork of you can't see that, and I would appreciate it much if you didnt interrupt me." Alhaitham said and Kaveh scoffed.

"Yeah sure Mr. Rationality became much more easily pissed from what I see, is it perhaps because of a certain lady...?" he asked and Alhaitham gave him an annoyed look.

"I don't know what are you talking about."

"Ah is that so? Then maybe you would like to know the latest rumors, the clever Alhaitham of the Haravatat has a soft spot for their newest secretary, care to explain about this? I just, want to know if I should feel sorry for this little secretary or no." Kaveh said leaning on the door frame and Alhaitham turned to face him.

"Kaveh, people always talk and will talk about all the things that are interesting, I didn't know you were one to believe these rumors." he told him and Kaveh laughed.

"Yeah sure of course I don't believe some random rumors but it happens that I also, noticed a change in my fellow roommate ever since this so called secretary came. When can I meet them?" Kaveh asked and Alhaitham gave him a weird look.

"Why would you even want to meet them?"

"Because I gotta warn them about what an ass roommate you are duh Im not going to watch a pretty person get involved with someone like you without knowing your true sid- OUCH! What was that for??!" he gasped when Alhaitham gave him a small slap over the head.

"Shut your mouth Kaveh and don't even dare to talk to the-" Alhaitham said as he heard a knock in the door.

"I'll go see who it is you can continue your work you big gorilla." Kaveh said in a sassy manner and left the room. Alhaitham just glared at the papers in front of him and sighted.

Meanwhile Kaveh opened the door finding you in front of it.

"Oh hello there, who are you?" he asked and you looked at him and smiled.

"I'm y/n, I'm a secretary in the Akademiya I just came to take some papers from Alhaitham if that's okay Mr...?" you said and he looked surprised.

"Kaveh, you can call me that, so your this little hot-shot that everyone talks about huh?" he said getting a better look at you. You looked at him a little surprised.

"Hot-shot...?" you said and he smiled.

"Yes people think that our dead Alhaitham has a soft spot for you, quite the interesting news right? But I warn you he's such a insensitive girl gorilla! As a roommate I can say that hes made to live alone so, why don't you go out with me instead hm?" Kaveh said and you looked even more stunned.

Before you could reply you saw a pillow flying in Kaveh's face.

"Stop annoying y/n and get in your room you big architect." Alhaitham said and Kaveh just left but gave you, a wink before closing his door or he would woke up with a vase in his head.

As you stood in the door frame Alhaitham invited you in.

"Apologies for my roommate, he's... Complicated sometimes." he said and you heard Kaveh, yell from the other room.

"SAYS THE INSENSITIVE GORILLA..."

"Shall we go in my office? There he won't disturb us, you came for the papers right?" he said leading you to his office.

"Yes I did, well, I should go then... Good night Alhaitham!" you said and left after picking up the documents.

***

After that night you became way more close with Alhaitham and at some point you started dating and it was clear for Alhaitham that he loved you so much, and that mole still looked so cute on you!

#genshin x reader #genshin impact #al haitham x reader #alhaitham x reader #sumeru #al haitham fluff #alhaitham drabble #alhaitham fluff

[gold-rhine]

what visions would you assign to the FMA cast?

oh, and are you into crossovers (like in general)?

i like categorizing things into things, so im into crossovers in this sense, of like, how would this character function\need to be redesigned if put into this different setting. but i dont actually care about like. mash aus of idk, jack frost\elsa frozen ship or smth

Ed seems like an easy pyro pick, but smth doesnt click for me. like yeah hes very driven, child genius etc etc, but hes not xiangling or ash from pokemon, you know what i mean? his goal is not to become the best in alchemy. hes driven to uncover the truth, and alchemy is best tool to do so. pyro also have theme of guiding lights, and he's really not that lol. like his legend could be inspiring to ppl, but when they meet him, everyone is like what is this lil goblin lol. like mei actually cried when she met him in person bc of how dissapointed she was. and his end gamne is giving up alchemy alltogether and pursuing knowledge thru experiencing more of the world. so im gonna say dendro. also, he doesnt actually look down on ther ppl, but comes off as know it all asshle anyway, which is huge alhaitham vibes

Al is kazuha of fma. what else is there to say

winry is im gonna say geo. shes not the heart i think, bc thats al, but shes roots of the siblings, keeping them tethered to the past des[pite ed dramatically burning house. and she is the center of community, like in the epilogue we see how rockbell shop grows, gathers more and more ppl with winry as the leader girlboss. therews an argument to be made about her being pyro tho. but i do think shes more community oriented than just automail innovation

mustang is cryo, easy. hates himself for war crimes, pretends to be shallow womanizer to appear non-threatening, actually ruthless manipulator, only him and his squad against the world

riza is anemo. like... tatooo burned. letting go of past connections, reinventing yourself after your world is up-ended

ling is hydro. like if raiden had a race to get other archon's gnosis just after his parents died or smth thats what ayato would be.

lan fan is either geo or electro. hmm. geo probably, looking at her grandpa and ties to heritage

scar is abyss herald, but not associated with abyss order, hes basically jacob from Narzissenkreuz Ordo, and his brother is rene. like hes read his brother research into abyss, ate some dead god flesh and hes out there for revenge

olivier armstrong and her brother are both geo. heritage repping, community, deep mountain roots growing high etc

izumi is electro. she just has this huge fuck u im living by my own rules and i reject your expectations and judgement energy like beidou and kuki

#rhine talks

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi, if you don't answer questions of this nature that's completely fine but I really like your slide shows and feel like they represent how I think and feel and was wondering if you can offer some advice. I had a small meltdown over a cooking mishap and when I verbalized that for the first time as im trying to really advocate for my needs more, my sister (who means well but doesn't really get it) tried comparing it to spirals she gets when her anxiety spikes in an attempt to help me out of it. I have depression so I know what spiraling feels like and I know my meltdowns are nothing like that but I was too upset to explain the difference to her and her trying to tell me that I'll eventually find a way to just get better at pushing through it when I told her I need to let it come and pass just frustrated me more and made me unable to speak for the rest of the night even when I felt better. In short, do you have any tips for explaining autistic meltdowns to allistic people? I know it'll happen again so I know I'll need to explain myself and would appreciate any advice you can provide or resources of yours you could point me to. Thank you.

Hi there,

I found a few articles that might help. According to the first article:

In autistic adults, meltdowns are also a complete loss of control of behavior but that looks very different. In adults, it can look like crying, yelling, lashing out, suicidal ideation, self-harm, inability to talk, lack of ability to think, or rage.

According to research by Phung et al. (2022), autistic adults describe feeling out of control and they feel this with their entire body. They describe having blurry vision, muscles getting hot, cheeks getting warm, and shoulders bunched up. They have a diminished ability to think and sometimes difficulty finding words or remembering basic things. Autistic adults describe feeling completely out of control like everything is fuzzy.

Phung et al. (2022) also describes a stage called burnout, which can proceed meltdown in which the autistic person begins to feel fatigued, overwhelmed, slowed down, and has difficulty with cognition. This is a period where continued pressure and overwhelming sensory and emotional stress begin to erode the autistic person’s ability to function and perform daily tasks. Encouraging autistic people to decrease emotional and sensory pressure at this point can prevent meltdowns.

The Autism Research Institute reports that meltdown is caused by central nervous system overload in autistic people. Recent research shows that autistic people have neurons that are more hyperconnected than neurotypicals. This explains why it is so much easier to overwhelm autistic people. Autistic people’s sensory systems are very different and when things are overwhelming, this can result in complete meltdown.

The article will be below:

According to this article:

Meltdowns are often the result of situations which are highly stimulating or create high levels of anxiety which feel like they can't be escaped. When someone is in this situation their reaction is either flight, fight or freeze. If the person cannot escape that leaves two options: either fight or freeze. 

Meltdowns are similar to the fight response. 

When an autistic person is having a meltdown they often have increased levels of anxiety and distress which are often interpreted as frustration, a 'tantrum' or an aggressive panic attack. 

It's important to understand that meltdowns are not 'temper tantrums'. They are a reaction to a highly distressing situation or environment. 

While in a meltdown a person can be injurious to others or themselves because of the extreme state of anxiety their body is in. That's why it's really important to minimise the risk of this happening - both for the person and those around them. 

Meltdowns are very physically tiring and emotionally draining for the individual. This is because the person has been in a distressing situation and has had a highly adrenalised and emotionalised response. 

The article will be below:

I hope this helps. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

[thekinkyleopard]

When it Rains

An Alistar x Kanai Fic

⚠️Content Warning⚠️

Emotional confusion, Vanilla, Comfort, Fluff, Hurt

Smut :^)

Description: Kanai and Al decide to have a beach day, but the weather has other plans. With such gloomy weather, Nai finds himself facing the newfound feelings building inside his vessel. How will Al, as his best friend, handle such a fragile moment?

Author’s Notes: Oooooops me and Geez needed some comfort and fluff and just like some juicy Nai and Al love. @aller-geez did the cover art and owns Kanai! 🥰 Enjoy!

“Nai, you ready to go? I’ve got the bag of snacks, and the bag that Draeko packed of beach shit,” Alistar spoke with a loose cigarette hanging from his moving lips, managing to keep the cancer stick from trickling out of his mouth. He takes a long drag, and exhales through his nose. Kanai looked around and then grabbed Alistar’s backpack of paraphernalia.

“Quite, but you’re forgetting your own bag, Donnie,” handing it out to the red head who looked at the hound with an almost annoyed expression as he gestured to his already full hands.

“I see that…can you carry it there pal? Little full up,” lifting the bags in his hands to emphasize.

“Oh….yes, I can do that….apologies,” nodding his head in response, his emotionless face staring back at Al’s own written in slight stress. This was their first trip to the beach, Draeko unfortunately had to accompany Levi on a shopping trip, so he really only packed a bag for them, and the demons were on their own for the rest. It was 10 in the morning, figuring that would be a good time to take a drive out there and spend the afternoon out under the sun. Yet there was something brewing in the wind.

Both the hellions had never stepped foot in the large body of water. No ocean experience was given to either of them before entering the living world, today, would be the day.

They both walked out of the apartment with hands towing large beach bags toward the black charger that belonged to the red headed demon. “Hey Nai….” Alistar spoke up as his crimson eyes noticed the sky around them was a light grey, no sunshine to be seen and the sharpened air was nipping at their slowly reddening noses.

“Yes, Donnie?” Kanai looked over at his friend, following behind as the red head opened the trunk and they started to empty their arms.

“Think the beach will have more sun? It’s kinda ass out today….” Alistar asked while apprehensively shoveling their stuff into the car’s trunk, his attention mostly drawn upon the dismal sky. He took another long drag off the cigarette he had been nursing before flicking it into the gravel.

“Most definitely. From my research, it’s always sunny at the beach according to the many different movies and online photographs I’ve seen,” Kanai spoke with confidence, as he typically did when he was speaking upon a subject he believed to be knowledgeable in.

“Okay cool,” Alistar taking his best friend’s word for face value before slamming the trunk shut and sliding into the vehicle. Alistar shoved the key into the ignition and started to change gears.

Kanai snapped his belt in place and looked over at the crimson eyed demon before raising a brow. “Al, aren’t you forgetting your safety strap?”

“Man, you know I hate that thing….” Alistar scoffed, adjusting his seat and review mirrors to optimal comfort.

“They say most deaths occur when one’s safety strap is not fully secured,” Kanai continued the subject, only causing the other to roll his eyes dramatically into the back of his skull.

“Ooo Death, so scaryyyy…please, I still have that Resurrection Stone you gave me, I’ll be fine….Im not tryna suffocate behind that thing for an hour and a half to the beach, you’re high,” he made a ‘pft’ sound with his lips, pushing the air away with a loose hand and shrugged his shoulders carelessly.

“Incorrect, I have yet to inebriate myself today, thank you very much,” Kanai spoke earnestly.

“It’s just an expression, Nai, please….Besides we ran out of drugs the other day I gotta re-up tonight when we get back,” he rolled his eyes for a second time, something he often did when Kanai was missing the point.

“Hmm,” was all the navy haired demon responded with. Despite having been earth bound for a year at least, he found that it was still hard picking up on social ques and quirks. He struggled greatly with things like sarcasm, and metaphors. It often left Kanai feeling misplaced, and sometimes a little off put. He was the smartest of his siblings, one could argue as the most intelligent creature within the realms of hell. Yet everyday he felt at odds with Earth, and his vessel that so closely resembled human behaviors. He didn’t understand, why he didn’t understand.

The drive was relatively silent between the two friends. Neither of them finding reason to speak in all honesty. After 20 minutes of stark silence though, Al wound up connecting his phone and blaring Hollywood Undead.

“WHEN I START DRINKING, MY DICK DOES ALL MY THINKING!” Alistar sang along with furious passion to the words as his eyes scanned the road in front of him. His voice boomed and echoed around them, loud and carefree, Kanai looked over at his friend, observing the behavior. Why couldn’t he do that? Why was he so vastly different from his hellion counterpart? He silently watched, brooded, wishing it could be him that careless and vulnerable. Even if it was just an example of joy. The navy haired man sighed deeply, lost in his head as he looked outside the window now. The sky still darkened by the horrible weather afoot.

They drove like this for the time it took to get a few miles out, basically until Alistar started to notice that the weather was in fact not improving the closer they got. “Hey, Dude, it doesn’t look very sunny out here,” peering over his best friend for a moment before he took his gaze back to the road, turning into the parking lot.

“Hm…this wasn’t what the research provided me, but to be completely fair with you Al, I didn’t do an extensive search…my apologies,” feeling almost, disappointed? Normally when he makes an error, he’s easily forgiven by himself. It happens. Everyone makes mistakes. Yet, something about this felt different, was it because he truly wanted a good day with his friend and it felt ruined somehow?

“Well…we’re already here so we might as well scope it out, see if we can’t still have a good time,” the red head shrugged his thin shoulders, trying to still find the best in this current situation, even if it looked slightly bleak. Something about today was off alright. Kanai slid out of the vehicle and helped Alistar retrieve their beach bags before they struggled their way to a spot.

“Holy shit, how the fuck does anyone get anything done out here? I can barely walk in this shit,” they both looked unprepared for the trek, sneakers filling with sand only making their footsteps heavier.

“You’re right Al, this is an insufficient surface to be traveling across…why do humans enjoy this?” The closer they got to the water though, the easier it got for their legs to power through. Finding a decent spot that was far enough away from the tide.

“Okay let’s put all our shit here…” the red head let out an exasperated exhale of air. Kanai settled the things he brought, down onto the sand, then quickly pulling his shoes off his feet. The sky began to close further in, and the sting of cold air warned everyone around, that the weather was to turn for the worst. Small trickles of rain began to descend from the sky, Alistar looked up and put his palms out. “Seriously? It’s gonna rain?”

“I should have looked up today’s weather, Again, my apologies,” Kanai almost blushed at this point, he was feeling overwhelmed with a sense of shame. Normally, he was smarter than this, more prepared. What was wrong with him?? Again, he almost blushed, but it stayed as flat as it usually did. His feet struggling through the sand as he attempted to pull his shoes off, “This substance sure is stubborn…it’s everywhere,” Kanai’s brows furrowed as he shook his shoes clear only to realize that the socks he was standing in, were now also covered in sand.

This had to be the straw that broke the camel’s back because for the first time since they got to earth, Kanai threw down his shoes with purposeful aggression, shoveled his body into a sitting position and pouted with frustration. He didn’t care that the rain started to pick up and soak through his hair, and clothes, only making the surface of his body that much more comfortable for sand to make home.

“Who shit in your sandwich, buddy? It’s just some sand and a little bit of rain, relax!” Alistar tried to cheer up his friend, brushing it all off as no big deal. “Although I don’t know how much fun this’ll be in the rain….” He muttered trailing off, looking up to see the sky coming down on them. His red hair sticking to the sides of his face.

“No, Donnie, it’s not the substance, it’s this vessel, there’s something wrong with it,” his brows furrowed deeper, he looked away unable to place the way he felt. It was welling up inside of him like an overflowing cup, but he couldn’t explain that. What was happening? Why was it happening? Today of all days ?

Alistar didn’t say anything this time, truthfully concerned, this wasn’t like Kanai. He was used to the friend that was more or less emotionless or sinister, no in between moments. This was as an in between moment and neither of them understood what was going on. “Did something happened, Nai?” Alistar, slowly taking a seat next to his friend looking at him with a crooked neck, neither of them seeming to care anymore about how the sky drenched them both.

“All day….its been weird but…getting here, realizing my research was inadequate…I know I haven’t logically done anything Alistar, but I feel like I have failed,” his brows tightened, still confused by the own words that came out of his mouth. The more frustrated he got, the more his vessel began to react. A single tear fell from behind his blackened sclera. “Now I’m leaking! Great! Is there anything that this idiotic vessel isn’t malfunctioning with??” Alistar looked over at his friend, now his face fully folded in worry as he reached over to touch Kanai’s open hand. Just barely brushing their fingers together.

“Kanai….you’re crying….” the red head had never seen the hound in such a state, small tears trickling down his cheeks. “What’s going on with you?” Kanai looked down and noticed the demon’s hand getting closer to his, and took it. Threading their fingers together Kanai looked down at his knees and shook his head.

“I don’t know….I can’t compartmentalize any of these thing,” huffing again through his nose the more he tried to understand what was happening, the less he could make out the sense of it.

“Okay, do you know what could have caused it?” Alistar raised a thin red brow trying to get to the bottom of this like it was a job he was being paid to do.

“I feel…..like…..” Kanai started, but then paused again finding himself at a road block.

“Go on,” encouraging the other to continue.

“Like all I do is let everyone down,” Kanai sighed deeply, letting it out but truthfully not certain that was the extent to the way he felt. It was just the cherry on top of it all.

“What do you mean dude? You never let me down,” there it was, Kanai suddenly broke and crumbled into a fit of sobs.

“Wh-what’s happening n-now??” Kanai tried to quickly wipe away the mess of wet that fell from his face. He was confused and now leaking worse than he ever had.

“You’re uh….honestly, Kanai, I’m not sure but I’ve seen this happen to Drae….?” His brows folded inward as he also tried to explain what was happening to his friend but not fully grasping it himself either.

“Me-me Too…..” Kanai replied, recalling all the moments he’d seen this happen to their dear little pet.

“Here,” Alistar leaned over and wrapped his long arms around his friend, burying his face into the crook of his neck, and now rubbing his back. “This usually helps the pet…” he muttered loosely into the other’s ear. Kanai felt the pressure of emotions push through the flood gates, and the hound clasped his hands to the back of Alistar’s shirt for dear life as he sobbed into his shoulder.

“What if I can’t please father? What if I let you down? What if we never see Draeko again ? What if ….I never truly learn the meaning of being human?” Alistar’s eyes almost widened with utter shock. So these were the thoughts causing the navy haired hound to panic. Seemed he really was embracing his humanity. It seemed so off, so strange. Was it the weather? Alistar can’t remember the last time they saw sun.

“You can’t think like that, man, you can’t…who cares about pleasing your dumb dad, he didn’t deserve your loyalty anyway….and Draeko? He’s stuck with us, I’ll drag that little pink and green brat down to hell with us if I need to….” He scoffed carelessly and rolled his eyes like he had it all figured out. His palm still rubbing gentle circles across his friend’s wet back.

“Hell isn’t a suitable environment for the pet….” Kanai sniffled gently, unable to force logic away even in times like these.

“Kanai, all I know, is….we don’t have to go back, ever, no one can force us, well….they can force me…..” he rolled his eyes a bit at the fact his siblings could very well kidnap him and bring him back to dear ol dad. He tried not to consider it and just stay out of their ways. “But you? You were given the choice of freedom or ….whatever the fuck it is your dad was offering cause that wasn’t freedom…” shuddering, but he still took the other in a large long hug. His hand now cradling the back of Kanai’s head to his shoulder. Holding him.

“I don’t want to leave….I like it here, Donnie,” Kanai whimpered anxiously, his arms tightened around Al’s torso as he gave into the gesture.

“Then we won’t…we’ll stay, and Draeko can be annoyed by us for all eternity, sound good?” Rubbing the back of Kanai’s head, he ran his fingers through the soft slickened threads.

“Sounds good…sndDffF…we may have made an error by sitting out here like this Donnie, I feel very very cold,” he snuffled loudly trying to clear his leaking nose from the previous fit of sobs.

“Wanna go back home and force the pet the gobble our balls?” Al pulled back now with a large goofy grin, staring the other demon down expectantly.

“I wouldn’t put it like that,” Kanai couldn’t help but break into the smallest, SMALLEST, smile one would ever see.

“I would! Come on, let’s go,” Alistar now broke away from the other only to stand and extend his hand out to the hound, his eyes finally coming to a clearer state than they had been. Kanai took it and they both came to a stand, grabbing their things and making the horrible trek back as the rain poured down on them without mercy.

Alistar quickly unlocked the trunk and tossed everything in. “Okay let’s hurry the fuck up cause like, I hate this….” Squinted through the now heavy drops of rain, they both got in gear to get back inside the vehicle. Dripping and soaked they each looked at each other and then, laughed.

The two of them allowed the giggles to persist and eventually pass, Alistar shaking his head. “Maybe…..” Kanai started, straightening himself out. “Maybe we should get out of these horribly drenched clothes….and I promise to make sure the weather is adequate next visit, Donnie,” Kanai almost felt the urge to cry again, but he didn’t, instead he swallowed it back and maintained his composure.

“Next time, Draeko is fully in charge and not getting out of it….but you’re right, we should get the hell out of these clothes,” the red head made a scrunched face. “I can’t drive like this for an hour and some change….do we have anything dry?” Peering loosely around the vehicle to see if there was any spare clothing floating about.

“Just some blankets in the backseat but I believe the towels fell victim to the weather, Donnie,” Kanai responded, looking behind him into the backseat as well.

“That’s alright, wouldn’t be the first time you’ve seen me naked,” Alistar chuckled before turning back around and stripping the sticking material off his chest, Kanai following suit. They each sat there now in wet jeans and contemplated how they were even going to attempt to peel these off. Al looked over, and couldn’t help it, immediately noticed how beautiful Kanai looked under the gloomy sky, slick with rain and hairs sticking to his flattened face, and instead of cracking a joke he opened his mouth to say something sincere.

“You…..” Al started, and wasn’t sure how to continue. He was so used to being crass and blunt with his words, but with the display he’d seen earlier, he felt like he sometimes did with Draeko. Conscious. “Look really good when you’re all wet,” he scoffed, and Nai tilted his head.

“Are you hitting on me again, Donnie?” Raising a brow with a smirk to follow.

“Hm, I’m always hitting on you, but, genuinely I mean it this time bud, you just….look really good,” Kanai looked over at his best friend and searched his face for the punch line. Alistar wasn’t usually one to be sentimental, so he reached over and flicked the demon in his left hand nipple. The red head furrowed his brows and covered his chest now.

“Hey! You fuck, what gives???” Looking rather offended that they couldn’t enjoy such a tender moment together.

“Never change, Donnie….I prefer you as you are,” Kanai nodded, reminding the red head just who they were in the first place.

“Yeah? Fine,” Alistar smirked and leaned up against the door of his vehicle, he noticed as everyone started to flood out of the parking lot, not them though. Perfect timing. “Take off your fuckin pants,”

“Oh?” Kanai asked curiously, looking his friend up and down now for any other context clues.

“You heard me, take off your fucking pants, I know a way to get your mind refreshed,” already Alistar working the buttons of his own pants pulling them, roughly, down his body. It took a few extra seconds longer than it normally would, for them both to strip the wet material from their legs. Once Alistar freed himself he crawled over the center console and into Kanai’s lap, already reaching his blackened hand into the hound’s wet boxers. “Just relax,” Kanai’s breath caught in his throat when he felt Al’s cold hand on his cock.

“Fffff…your hands are freezing, Donnie,” shuddering slightly at the touch of the other’s icy finger tips.

“Warm em then,” Al grumbled from lazy lips as he pushed himself closer into the other hellion.

“I’m trying….” Kanai struggled through a clenched jaw. Alistar bit his lower lip watching his friend already turning to mush, working his hand to pump the other’s length from its once docile position, to standing at full attention.

“I kind of like that you’re all wet….” The red head purred, leaning closer to Kanai’s ear before giving it a solid lick, starting from the shell to the bottom of Kanai’s jaw, nipping the area tentatively.

“Hmmm…I suppose when everything is all wet, it makes for an easier time….” The hound chuckled breathlessly before their lips met in a frenzied kiss. Both of the demons losing themselves in their saturated desires of lust. The one thing they knew best. Tongues clashing, fighting for dominance, Kanai coming out the winner, before long Al was practically ripping himself out of his boxers. There were no words, just the echoing sounds of huffing, lip smacking and scuffling from their position in passenger seat.

Alistar taking control, reached down, and around, positioning Kanai’s thickened length at his awaiting hole, neither breaking their fevered kiss. His other arm came up and around Kanai’s neck, anchoring himself before slipping the length fully inside his ass, he broke the kiss. “Holy fucking hell…” whispering cursed words across the other’s mouth. It had been a while since he’d last let his friend inside, his fingers gripping Kanai’s shoulders tightly.

“Hnn…you feel extra tight this time, Donnie,” Kanai gasped with a sharp exhale as his cock adjusted to the tightening walls around him.

“Shut up….it’s been a minute okay…h-hAh~” Alistar grunted, his voice strained as he allowed the fullness to persuade his movements.

“F-feels so good….” The hound sighed. Alistar sat back, allowing the full length of Kanai’s cock slip inside him, rolling his reddened eyes back into his skull. He let out a fiendish moan. The hound’s hands now at the dragon’s hips before aiding in their movements. They each desperately began to rock, and thrust against one another. Alistar bouncing ontop of Kanai’s lap, he gripped at the back of the seat now, digging his sharp nails into the material, ripping it apart.

“Don’t stop….” Kanai warned, feeling a spark within his groin that only seemed to present itself with force, the more Al road him. The windows fogged over, the suspension rocked as their motions picked pace. Alistar now taking hold of his own twitching cock in his palm.

“Wouldn’t…..dream of it….” The red head managed to reply while working on milking himself as his friend’s rod pounded relentlessly inside of him. He could feel it snap into his sensitive prostate and the crimson eyed demon was suddenly seeing stars, spilling cum all over their already wet bodies. “Fuck….”

Kanai now took both hands, gripped each side of Alistar’s waist and threw himself deeply within the other’s cavern, pouring over his own seed that leaked down his cock as he tried to pull out. “Shhhhh…..” the hound hissed as his body convulsed and twitched from his orgasm. They both sat there, spent, trying to catch their breaths. “I-….think we made matters far worse, Al,”

“Yeah….now we are wet with rain….and cum…” The two of them pulled back enough to look down at their freshly stickied bodies.

“Yeah…” Kanai agreed, pulling his mouth to the side as he hummed in thought. How were they to drive home like this?

“Shit,” Alistar sighed through his nose, running a hand through his wet red locks.

“Yeah,” Kanai repeated himself again.

“Alright well let’s just use the blankets then,” the red head was out of ideas, and frankly, patience, he wanted to get back home and get dry. Note to himself from now on, keep an extra pair of dry clothes inside the vehicle at all times.

“Sounds unpleasant,” the hound admitted, looking at the other apprehensively.

“Well….it is what it is dude,” Alistar sighed pulling himself back into the driver’s seat, and reaching back for one of his backseat blankets, rubbing it over his moistened body. “See? Not so bad!” Lifting the blanket to expose that his body was now littered in small fuzzies. “Oh…Uncle Fucking Christ,” trying his best to pluck it all off but to no avail.

“Is this really my only option, Donnie?” Raising a brow, the hellion looked less than enthused to be covered in small balls of lint if it came down to that.

“It really is,” so Alistar and Kanai drove home, naked, covered in blanket fuzzies and it was going to certainly be a story to tell the pet when they returned.

The End

Author’s Notes: I can’t ever write something deep and emotional without it ending in SMUUUUTTTT 🤤🤤🤤 sorry not sorry anyway, hope you all enjoyed 💚

#oc #original character #writer #fic writer #AlxNai #Alistar Satanos #Kanai Orpheus #smut #lemons #feels #fluff #comfort

[avengerphobic]

I do think Fu Manchu reskins are just as racist and I think that more people need to do research about what are the stereotypes that are from Sax Rohmer novels because sometimes i see yall talk about like talia al ghul arcs that are directly lifted from them and i get a lil concerned like obv im not reading them cuz im not a dc girlie but its alarming how yall just do not know them and just keep praising them

A good example I'm more familiar with is in Agents of Atlas v1 there is a really good subversion of the fu manchu trope but in agents of atlas v2 Suwan is literally the Dragon Lady stereotype that comes from Fah Lo Suee (that isn't to say that suwan was not in a way another stereotype from the same novels originally where she is more like Karamaneh but often both of those characters are combined and confused in adaptions sp she owes to both)

I'm not trying to attack anyone about this because the insidious nature of the Sax Rohmer novels is that they are so integrated in western culture that theyre everywhere. Like people will compare talia with Shang-chi's sister in the mcu movie without knowing that they come from the same character and its frustrating to me that people just dont know so they dont avoid the stereotype

[brucespringsteen]

Hi, do you have any beginner tips for lifting/getting into the gym? I no longer want to be a scrawny waifish butch and instead wanna be able to pick up my gf and look like mid 80s Bruce… If you’re comfortable talking about it I’d love to hear if you have any tips… I’ve been researching and have learned that diet is a huge part in building muscle but as far as the gym goes I’m lost… I’m honestly mostly just nervous because I have no clue where to start and don’t want some dude to help me (nothing wrong honest help I’m just shy and get embarrassed)… Thank you!!!

hi king 🤝🏻

im so happy 2 talk about this cos im in my musclebound era again

disclaimer what i know is a mix of what i learned from my dad and reddit threads LOL and my own trial and error. weightlifting really is the gayass journey of all time 💪🏼😋

first gonna keep it real with u ive lost a lot of muscle mass from stupid life events n being sad lol but im actually getting back into a routine for the first time in over a year. so i haven't properly lifted anything heavier than the 15lbs dumbells i got at home 😂 when i was once able to press more than my weight ✊🏼😔 BUT form is so much more important than lifting heavy. u will get better results lifting at a weight that you can control and build up lifting heavier over time 👍🏼 which i can go more in depth about how to do that. good form is so sexy and makes u feel and look so badass

u might find more eloquent lifters out there who talk about the mind and muscle connection and visualization. it's really cool stuff that connects practicing mindfulness as u workout which is what makes weightlifting so meditative to me. this will also help u maintain good form and i think nourishes a healthy mindset toward working out/yourself in general

n you are definitely right about diet playing a huge part. don't worry about bulking/cutting when ur first starting out, most important thing is making sure you're getting enough protein. if u are iron deficient i would look into taking a supplement! dont know all the science but iron keeps ur oxygen flowing better, so your stamina can be down if ur iron count is low. my mindset about diet is the simpler the better and u should never be miserable lol. i will never give up beer & pizza & a good time 🫡

second most important thing is sleep. make sure u get enough.

1. back/shoulders and biceps

going to the gym can be a little scary, but that's where having a routine helps so much 🧑‍💻doing one of those dynamic workout routines u find on an instagram reel every now and then can be fun and i recommend it. BUT doing a random workout Everytime u workout will make it difficult to see results. doing the same workouts is how u can see ur progression better and focus on good form. im talking about learning the basics of benching, squatting, and deadlifting. 😜✌🏼

if u can, i would aim a routine of 3-4 times a week. I kept it like this:

2. leg day and abs

3. chest and triceps

what helped in staying consistent w going to the gym was having a set time where i would go. ritualistic

4th extra day: fun cardio like interval training or boxing. OR if i was feeling like i just needed a chill day a slow incline walk on treadmill/outside😊 then do some really intense stretching/foam rolling

here is an example of a chest/tris day

The 3 "T's" stand for tiers starting with the most difficult exercises, so I could use most of the energy I have on it.

To elaborate further on how to see progress: say this week you're able to bench press 60lbs. Next week you try 70lbs on your last rep and it's kinda hard. The third week, you bench 60lbs again, and it feels a little easier now. The fourth week, you're benching 70lbs on your last two sets. By the fifth week, you find you're able to do your entire workout with 70! Etc repeat etc

when i first started i kept one of those tiny composition books w different workouts and id also keep track of how much i was lifting when i reached a new pr/mile time/etc. u can also just keep this in ur notes app. but i found having the paper in front of me was more efficient than continuously looking at my phone and fighting the urge to check apps in between sets lol. also if i was getting texts id have No Idea which just helped me reinforce the gym was Me Time

before u buy into a gym membership tho, take advantage if they have a free trial. u can find what time is least busy/if the vibe fits for u.

another tip. put a photo 1985 bruce on ur wall trust me this will help.

I can go more indepth about specific workouts or if u got other questions, lmk!

U got this!

[selectivechaos]

mind blank and social anxiety

when im in a situation where im mute, my mind also stops communicating with me. the whole ‘quiet with a loud mind’ does not resonate with me. i cannot think. i cannot connect the thoughts together. when im mute, i could stare at a wall for hours and not feel any strong way about having to do so. i did that all the time when i was in school. i get annoyed about having to be mute when i think back to mute situations. but, when im in them, it’s like i have no stake in anything. im disconnected from my wants and needs, because my brain needs to focus on the anxiety, instead. this makes me very vulnerable in situations. not only because i cant talk back but because i can’t keep myself safe or tell myself to walk out of a situation if it becomes too much. part of this is the brain fog (bc high anxiety can make you dissociate), because i dont really feel like a person when im that anxious. but part of it is also that brain activity is redirected. 🌹🌹

under cut is some interesting research on this.

i thought my brain was just being really empty or that it was literally because i had no personality or was really boring. not the case. it’s the anxiety because i can think clearly and have a stake in things when im not anxious. here’s the research:

“Earlier studies have shown that under high stress, the brain tends to shut off the cortical networks involved in creativity, contemplation, planning and thinking abstractly.” (source 1)

acute stress “sharpens our senses, creates a state of fearful arousal and strengthens our memories of stressful experiences but impairs our capacity for slow deliberation.” (source 2)

“The more cortisol released, the greater the strength of the signaling seen in this network. Meanwhile, the parts of the prefrontal cortex involved in thought and reasoning began to shut down. That means, basically, that under stress, the brain automatically shifts its focus away from current activity — for example, doing homework or debating — and toward readiness for fight or flight. That’s why high stress can ‘make your mind go blank’” (source 1)

source 1: The Science of Stage Fright: How Stress Causes ‘Brain Freeze’ by Mara Szalavitz

source 2: Hermans, et al., 2011

🌹🌹🌹

#social anxiety disorder #generalised anxiety disorder #mind blank #dissociation #selective mutism #mentalheathawareness #situational mutism #chaos-exhausted

[maxdamax]

INTRO POST (finally)

good day, wonderful people of tumblr! here is a little bit about me: i'm just a young girl with an old soul trapped in the confinement's of who i want myself to be. i could be an ocean, yet here i am, a mere raindrop in the delicate tapestry of the universe. loved, yet unwanted. heard, yet misunderstood. beautiful, yet insecure. a living oxymoron.

im also the eldest daughter (of 3 siblings) in a desi family, a scorpio, neurodivergent (ADHD), bisexual, probably panromantic and a dog & cat mother. take what you want from that.

you can call me max! (she/they) -> please visit my pronouns page!

content you can expect to see here: POETRY! PROSE! MIDNIGHT RAMBLINGS! WEB-WEAVES! also a bunch of random reblogs of OG art / writing and activist stuff, deep shitposts and insightful garbage.

btw, i'm tryna to meet new ppl on tumblr, so if you'll be nice, you are welcome to send asks and/or tag me on anything you think i will like, including your own content so i can rb! i crave more poetry and art!

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WHAT I DO AND WHAT I LOVE:

my favourite music artists - queen, joan jett and the blackhearts, fall out boy, amy winehouse, bon jovi, guns n roses, tina turner, ella fitzgerald, bob dylan, taylor swift, and many, many, many more!

hobbies! - trekking, writing, reading (literally any genre), researching hyper fixations, embroidery, playing the guitar, meeting new people, discovering new cultures, soccer, volleyball, cricket, swimming, eating, breathing, photography.

my most re-read books - the 7 husbands of evelyn hugo (taylor jenkins reid), guards! guards! guards! (terry pratchett) and heartstopper (alice oseman)!!

my favourite poets - beau taplin, sylvia path, william shakespeare, amanda lovelace, albert camus, kahlil gibran, oscar wilde, camille paglia, courtney peppernell and countless others!

languages i speak: english, hindi, spanish, marathi (in order of fluency) and currently learning gujrati & german, so i'm welcome to asks in any of these languages :)

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MY WIPS:

a star’s wish (poetry): a collection of poetry all centring around the natural world and the natural state of humans.

blood into ink (thriller): the MC is a badass engineering major in Delhi, who after killing her rapist, has a side job of killing other peoples abusers. she falls in love on the way!

dying without living (historical fiction): 5 teenaged orphaned siblings living in Belgium during WWII. the story follows their survival of the war. nevertheless, *spoiler* they all were ultimately killed by racist cops after moving to USA. 

meaningless letters that meant something to me: a deeply personal collection of letters written to the people in my life. to the random stranger who smiled at me, to my parents, to my old friends.

*dm me if you would like an excerpt of WIP 1, 2 or 3!

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ATTENTION! HUMANS OF ALL TYPES:

here is a post i made a while back. i'm pinning it along with my intro just in case it helps someone. i know that many a time, life is so fucking hard. but its worth it. ohhh its so fucking worth it. please live. please. i love you. here:

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anyways... i hope you have a beautiful day! 🩵

i hope whatever you see/read on this blog lets you learn a little bit more about how the mundanity of everyday moments is what makes up a life. and i hope you learn a little more about yourself too <33

P.S. i will be updating this whenever i learn something new about me

P.P.S. if anyone wants to read poetry written by me, search the tags '#poetry', '#writers on tumblr', '#spilled ink' or '#prose' under my blog!

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FREE PALESTINE!!

https://www.tumblr.com/sulfurcosmos/732456971539775488/how-you-can-help-palestine

DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE CONGO!!

https://www.tumblr.com/alwaysbewoke/736349486350286848/ok?source=share

#intro post #introduction #desiblr #writeblr #poemblr #queer writers #muslimblr #tumblerina #long overdue #musicblr #bon jovi #female writers

[asexual-spongebob]

The Waves That Lap The Shore - Chapter 8 - Sea Sick Sea Otter

(divider by cafekitsune)

Chapter Notes:

TW: poor hygiene, mentions of mucus. I named this chapter “sea sick sea otter” because I thought it was fitting and that it had a ring to it.

Also.. Before anyone asks, yes the scene where Kwazii calls chamomile tea shamamalay is based off the tiktok video. And PROFESSOR INKLING FINALLY MAKES AN APPEARANCE AFTER NOT APPEARING SENSE CHAPTER FIVE YASSS 🕺💃✨🎉

I really enjoy Inkling- I’m surprised he hasn’t appeared more in this fic But here he is now :3

oh and I also remember that betta fish are fresh water fish so shell’s tail is now based of a sapphire damsel fish tail

Shellington was laying in bed, he didn’t feel to good.

he hadn’t been taking good care of himself, he’d been to focused on his research. He hadn’t showered in days, and hadn’t gotten much sleep, usually staying up till 6 am. 

Shellington was sitting at the control center with Dashi, Dashi noticed that Shellington looked… well rough to say the least.

“Shellington, are you okay?” Dashi asked in concerned tone “yeah I’m fine” Shellington replied sounding nasally “are sure about that? You don’t sound fine.” Dashi said, unconvinced “yeah im definitely fine!” Shellington rasped.

“Okay…” Dashi responded, not buying it, Shellington coughing and sneezing, constantly using the tissue box, Captain Barnacles also noticed. 

“Shellington, I think you should take today off and get some rest.” Barnacles began “but what about my research!” Shellington frowned “Shellington, it’s okay, everyone needs a break sometimes!” Captain Barnacles assured “okay…” Shellington mumbled, getting up from his chair and going to his lab.

Tunip waddled beside Shellington, making typical vegimal noises, “oh hi Tunip” Shellington sniffed, blowing his nose, Tunip’s expression went from happiness to sadness. “It’s okay Tunip, I’ll get through this.” Shellington assured as walked inside and crashed on his bed, feeling terrible. 

Shellington let out groans as he lied in bed, Tunip glanced inside, a frown appearing on his face. I got to do something! Tunip decided, running to the Med Bay. 

Tunip saw Peso putting bandages on the shelf, Tunip tapped Peso on the shoulder, Peso flinched “sorry Tunip, you scared me!” Peso apologized, Tunip looked concerned “what’s wrong?” Peso asked, Tunip signaled Peso to follow him, leading to Shellington’s lab.

Shellington was coughing and sneezing as he was sitting on the floor “Shellington!” Peso gasped as he ran over to him “I don’t feel to good…” Shellington sniffled groggily, grasping the tissue box and blowing his nose. 

“I’ll go get you some cold medicine and kelp soup, stay here for now” Peso retorted, Shellington gave Peso a thumbs up, looking pathetic. 

Peso went to go get some cold pills and a glass of ginger ale, Tunip and the Vegimals  followed behind like some ducklings following its parent. 

Soon, Peso came back. “Hey Shellington, here’s some medicine and ginger ale” Peso offered, placing it on the desk “thank you” Shellington rasped after blowing his nose “no problem!” Peso smiled, “let me know if you need anything!” It added, as it walked away.

The Barrot, Tunip, Codish and Halibeet went to the kitchen to make some kelp soup, Groubert and Tominnow  kept Shellington company 

Maybe I should draw something? Shellington wondered, grabbing a piece of printer paper, a pen and drew a vampire squid from memory. 

•••

Later…

Kwazii was chewing on some fish biscuits as he walked past “Ahoy Peso!” Kwazii greeted in between chews “hi Kwazii” Peso responded “what ya doing?” Kwazii asked “oh Shellington isn’t feeling to good, I’m just trying to take care of him.” Peso answered. “Oh I’m sorry! That sucks!” Kwazii frowned 

Peso shook its head, “the vegimals made him some kelp soup, hopefully it’ll help him get better!” Peso added optimistically 

Kwazii walked down to Shellington’s lab and knocked on the door “ahoy shells, you okay? Peso said you didn’t feel to good.” Kwazii mrrped on the other side of the door, “yeah I’m not doing to good- I wouldn’t come in here if I were you!” Shellington coughed “okay, hope you feel better soon matey!” Kwazii expressed.

•••

Shellington had gone downstairs to the kitchen, he had to take the medicine Peso gave him, he wanted some tea to go with that, somehow he actually got some decent sleep.

Kwazii had been up all night, thinking about all the those pirate myths, he had been rereading a book about them quietly to himself all night for fun, he had borrowed it from Professor Inkling’s library.

However, Kwazii realized he was hungry and decided to get a kelp cake from the kitchen. 

They noticed Shellington as they walked in the kitchen “Ahoy matey!” Kwazii meowed “hi Kwazii” Shellington chirped nasally “I’m just taking my medicine.” Shellington added, sipping his chamomile tea.

“Im gonna get meself some shamamalay tea.” Kwazii “what?” Shellington questioned “shamamalay, you know the tea you’re drinking?” Kwazii clarified “Kwazii- its chamomile-“ Shellington giggled, soon the two noticed Peso was also downstairs.

“Ahoy Peso!” Kwazii mrrped, waving to it “hello Kwazii!, hi Shellington~” Peso chirped, waving back, walking into the kitchen, Shellington’s cheeks turning bright pink. 

The three stood there in silence for a moment, Shellington had taken his medicine and Kwazii had finished their snack. 

“Ya know why don’t we go swimming. I mean it’s three am and it’s not like we don’t have anything better to do.” Kwazii suggested 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea Kwazii. Shellington is sick.” Peso disagreed “oh don’t worry Peso. We’ll be fine!” Kwazii assured. 

Shellington, Peso and Kwazii made it down to the Launch Bay, Kwazii opening the Octo-Hatch.

“COME ON ME HEARTIES!” Kwazii called as he backflipped into the Launch Bay tank, splashing Peso and Shellington. Shellington then took a dive, his tail appearing before his eyes, Peso soon dived in as well. 

Soon the three had swam out the Octo-Hatch and out into the sea… But little did they know that Kwazii had forgotten to close the Octo-Hatch! 

••• 

Professor Inkling was listening to some 80s disco music that was playing on the radio, however ink couldn’t help but feel as if something was off, Ink went to go investigate for Inkself.

Professor Inkling made it downstairs to the Launch Bay, only to see some strange blue Damselfish scales in the Launch Bay tank and the Octo-Hatch open “hm? How did that happen?” Professor Inkling asked himself. 

“I should go investigate I suppose” he said, slivering down into the Launch Bay tank and swimming out the Octo-Hatch. 

Kwazii, Peso and Shellington were chilling around a kelp forest. Shellington was having a blast identifying each of the creatures, “wow look! It’s a sea urchin!” Shellington beamed, using his magnifying glass “get that stupid thing out of my face!” The urchin snapped “sorry!” Shellington apologized, pulling the glass away.

Professor Inkling could hear some faint voices coming from the kelp forest, swimming closer he could hear Shellington, Kwazii and Peso oh they just went for a swim! Professor Inkling thought happily, letting out a sigh of relief.

Professor Inkling soon swam away back to the Octopod, Kwazii, Peso and Shellington were heading back as well. 

Peso was already ahead of them 

“Wanna race?” Shellington challenged, smirking at Kwazii “challenge accepted.” Kwazii smirked back, getting a head start, soon Shellington disappeared into a trail of bubbles. 

Professor Inkling was already at the Launch Bay when it heard a loud splashing noise “huh?” Professor Inkling said as it turned around, only to see Peso also at the Launch Bay “Hello there Peso!” Professor Inkling greeted “Hi Professor!” Peso replied.

“I beat you!” Shellington giggled like a little kid “not by much!” Kwazii remarked Shellington then glanced over, only to see a very confused Professor Inkling and a nervous Peso.

“He’s a merman. Professor. Those weird ass sea caves turned him into one.” Kwazii explained, getting out of the Launch Bay tank, helping Shellington out of the water and throwing him a towel. “what sea caves?” Professor Inkling asked “remember when I went to those strange sea caves?” Shellington recalled “yeah?” Professor Inkling guessed “well um.. I went during a full moon and well.. The pool started bubbling and I became a merman..” Shellington explained 

Professor Inkling nodded his head, showing he understood, he then went back to his Library, Peso and Shellington went to Peso’s room and Kwazii went to back to his room.

#kitty giggles #octonauts #the waves that lap the shore au #shellington #peso x shellington #shellington x peso #kwazii #peso #octonauts fanfic #octonauts au

[bondsmagii]

yooo are you a cat person?? i wanna get an all black sphynx kitten someday, and im not sure what i wanna name him, but my current only ideas are 'mister princess alien' and 'umbreon' but i need to find some more cool names for my future living halloween decoration of a cat

firstly, I'm sure that if you're certain this is the cat for you, you've done your research -- but as somebody who used to work in animal care I am absolutely obligated to give you the following disclaimer before we begin, because anyone desiring a specific breed (especially a very unique one!) just triggers the occupational promise I made to always ensure that people know what they're getting into.

sphynx cats, being hairless, require specialised care. as they have no hair, they need to be protected from the cold and from the sun. they also have a very oily skin to keep them from drying out, but excess oil can also cause irritation. they need to be bathed weekly, and often they have to maintain a special diet in order to ensure they don't get too greasy. they're also highly social cats, which means if you want a happy cat, you have to put a lot of time and energy into entertaining them and keeping them company. finally, people with cat allergies will still react to hairless cats, so worth letting any allergic friends know!

that being said, I honestly don't think I can beat Umbreon as a name. that is just such a brilliant idea. I'd also suggest Grimm or Gollum. alternatively, name them after an entire paranormal event/unexplained mystery; long cat names with nicknames you can be like "oh actually it's short for..." crack me up. some ideas that immediately come to mind:

Amity (short for Amityville Horror)

Denny (short for Dyatlov Pass Incident)

Ro (short for Lost Colony of Roanoke)

Al (short for JFK is Alive in Cuba)

Randy (short for Skinwalker Farm Ranch)

you get the idea. I find with cat names you can really just go whole hog.

#anon #asks

[captainpangolin]

I am interested in the arranged marriage plot ideas/guide.

Oh for the trobed fic? Alr

So looking back at my document, I didn't have much of a plot or particularly creative ideas lol but the basic premise was that Troy's kingdom and Abed’s kingdom were at war for x years and someone (probably drunkenly) suggests a marriage as a peace treaty.

I split the characters into being either with Troy (Shirley and Pierce) or with Abed (Annie, Jeff, and Britta + the rest of the cast but not really part of the core 7 just kinda There doing royalty AU things in Abed’s palace I guess, but i havent figured them out as of yet haha)

I gave each person a royalty AU job/role: Shirley is Troy's favorite cook/basically second mom, Pierce is his treasurer (he's got money, that was the best thing I could think of, shush /lh). Annie is Abed’s cousin living in his palace ((platonic) trobedison shenanigans ensue), Jeff is a lawyer or advisor or something, and Britta is Troy's bodyguard bc I couldn't think of anything else ajsjdjndhd

I was researching stuff about arranged marriage bc I wanted to give the fic a seminar title if I ever managed to write and finish the darn thing, and i found out there are multiple named types (This was just a quick Wikipedia/Google search, I didn't look into it too much, full disclosure haha)

And then I spent (far too much) time looking at Arab/Islamic (so sorry, I'm not sure of the correct word) architecture, just cuz I don't think there's enough of Arab culture in media and i would've liked it if Abed wasn't made fun of as much as he was in the show because of being Muslim/brown in general. I basically just visualized various mosques and palaces for inspiration/reference in my descriptions, specifically these ones: the Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque (Abu Dhabi, UAE), the Jameh Mosque of Isfahān (Isfahān, Iran), the Alhambra (Andalusia, Spain), the Taj Mahal (India), and for the stained glass, the Nasir Al-Mulk Mosque (Shiraz, Iran). I found a list of the most beautiful/important Arab/Islamic architecture to find these, but idk what the list was called, sorry. (Just thought it was cool, + Islamic architecture never fails to impress me so even aside from it being for a fic, I was just having a lot of fun lol)

ANYWAYS, yeah that's basically all I had, but my friend suggested working in the Pillows and Blankets war, except it's an actual civil war; maybe Trobed has a fight or something else happens and Troy forms/joins a rebellion à la "Pillows and Blankets" and from there, shenanigans and pining ensue.

sorry if this wasn't much help but uh ye there you go. At the least, this helped me just dump all my ideas onto the table so thx lmao

I'm gonna try to get my friend to help me write this since my style doesn't quite work for the characters/tone, but we honestly might not finish it so if anyone is interested, PLEASE write this (and maybe tag me if you do, idc how many words it is, im just in love with this au lol) :>

(This fandom and pairing seriously need more wild fics; so many are pretty much canon-compliant, if not merely wishful thinking, I want more wacky and imaginative concepts and a wider range of AUs, there just aren't enough imo)

#community #community tv #nbc community #community nbc #trobed #trobed arranged marriage au #trobed au #trobed fic #ao3 fanfic #fan fiction #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 #fic #writing #fic writing #if anyone ends up using these ideas a quick shoutout would be appreciated :] thank youuu #hope this helped sorry if it didn’t lol

[joaquin-cabrillos]

words of a stem student:

"Why should you go into STEM?"

well the plain and simple answer is that

you should stop.

too harsh of a statement? got the bold font and everything but its more complicated than just "no"

let me explain.

okay. so

STEM

what a thing, huh? people try and make it out to be such a huge achievement if you were to pursue in school and that only the smartest of the smart can study it.

"you should go into stem, being a doctor pays really well... (Indeed.com, 2023)"

"you should go into stem. itll give you more opportunities in the future (Bukas.ph, 2022)"

you hear talk of stem being where the cream of the crop is, and where the most money can be found. its often the golden child of strands among the forgotten middle children of abm and humms.

nowadays, youll find every parent clamoring to get their child into stem; no blame onto them, given the whopping demand for stem-related jobs in the market, nowadays (Albert, et al., 2020)

a lot of parents try and influence their child to go into stem purely because it's what would get them a brighter future, and purely because of the potential money that stem-related jobs are able to get.

well, in order to get there, you first need to slog through the circuit that is the STEM strand in the first place. It is considered to be one of the most academically challenging strands to take (Gobir, 2022).

Not only that but due to the heavy demand for workers who are skilled in STEM subjects, competition is high amongst students as they each try their best to do well in stem; evident in how group work is so effective in students' learning (Rusk, 2019).

so you sit there, twiddling your thumbs and daydreaming about just how successful you could be if you pursued a course in stem. whether that may be the result of your own family influencing you, or if you just think itll be the smart thing to do.

the hard truth is that if you're not prepared to face the challenges that come with studying stem then chances are that you will

HATE

it.

And dont take this wrong. im sure that a lot of you who may be reading this are more than capable of pursuing a career in stem. its just that the grandeur of hearing those four letters may start waning on you once the

horrors

set in.

let me tell you my story.

There i was, but a wee lad in elementary thinking about what i should pursue later in life. I had big dreams of moving abroad and doing something with my forte in mathematics. my parents suggested that i go to the school im at now, since this is a school that specializes in stem and a school that they themselves want to go. i figured that id join since of course what reason would i have to doubt my parents (mistake)

and there i was, coming into the stem strand, blissfully ignorant on just how tough it could be.in my head i thought that itd be just like what i went through in junior high school but *B O Y* did i stand corrected.

only a few months in and the number of hours ive slept this week can be counted on my two hands.

the number of experiments, tests and projects i have had to do is astonishing.

it feels like I was jumped in an alley with the amount of workload piled on top of me in such a short amount of time.

now you may be wondering

"damn op is stem really this bad?"

and to that my dear reader i return to the top of the post to go

yes.

and studies have been taken to show that there are others out there, who are studying stem, who also feel with me. feel the stress as deadlines creep closer. the anxiety of studying for a test you're unsure of. the emptiness and depression when you feel like you cant handle it anymore (Pester, et al., 2023).

HOWEVER

despite all of the hardships; despite all the empty cups of coffee; despite all the times i thought about how nice my face would look on a funeral wreath

i stayed

because its what my parents told me?

no.

because its the most popular choice?

no.

because of the pay?

maybe.

its because i love stem.

plain and simple.

I love learning about how the world around me works.

I love each lesson where I get to be taught something I didn't know before.

I love getting the first-hand-hands-on experience with doing research.

love studying with friends.

I love the effort our teachers put into allowing us to learn.

You can't get the scratch needed to sooth the itch you have for new knowledge anywhere else besides STEM.

And I know that many people wouldn't even join stem if not for their own personal love for the subject.

I know that the subject of STEM is not for everyone. I know that better than I ever did before. I know that this strand is not for everyone and that not everyone should join just because of pressure from society and others.

It takes a special kind of love for STEM. a kind of desire to keep on learning and to change the world with your capabilities.

And if you don't feel this way, there are other options. Don't feel as though you just have to join the stem strand because you think its the best option.

what really matters is that you enjoy the things that you're doing, income or societal expectations be damned.

despite all the hurdles you need to cross, you'll still come out with the same wonder in your eyes that got you hooked on the subject you're studying in the first place.

so as i end this prose that has gone on for WAY too damn long

i give my words to all future stem applicants; not as a scornful student looking down at stem

but as someone who wants you to look into yourself and think about what you want in life.

so if you're thinking of going into STEM

you should stop.

take a moment to think about it. dont let the pressure sink in and just float calmly in the waters.

...

...

...

...

...

still here? well, that probably means that

just like me. you know the trials and tribulations youll need to endure in order to pursue a career in stem. you know just how hard it will be and you know that youll stay

Maybe its because you know that it pays well

Maybe its because you want to use your skills for science to change the world.

what matters is that you persevered. and while others may quit from all the stress, you stayed

because you love the subject. because you know that STEM is the right choice for you.

References:

Albert, J.R., et al. (2020). Future S&T. Human Resources Requirements in the Philippines: A Labor Market Analysis. https://www.pids.gov.ph/publication/discussion-papers/future-s-t-human-resource-requirements-in-the-philippines-a-labor-market-analysis

Virtudazo, J.M. (2012). Determinants of Senior High School Tracks and Strands Inclination of Grade 10 Students of Buenavista II.

Pester, C.W., et al. (2023). On the Importance of Mental Health in STEM.

Indeed.com (2022). Your Guide to 15, of the Highest-Paying STEM Jobs. https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/highest-paying-stem-jobs

Bukas.ph (2022). Careers You Can Pursue If You Took STEM Strand In Senior High School. https://bukas.ph/blog/careers-you-can-pursue-if-you-took-stem-strand-in-senior-high-school/

Rusk, F. & Rønning, W. (2019). Group work as an arena for learning in STEM education: negotiations of epistemic relationships.

#stem #stemblr #student #school project #is this necessary? #idk anymore #science #i did this instead of sleeping #ramblings of a madman

[wornkarma]

A Vienna Summer. 

One Year Ago. July. 

“Vorsichtig sein! Du stolperst, wenn du nicht hinsieht!”

Be careful! You’ll trip if you don’t look. 

Flashes of dirty blonde hair zoom past her, the sound of girlish giggles following behind.  

“Ich meine es so! Oder ich hole euch beide!”

I mean it! Or I’ll come get you both!

Despite the warnings, the two of them continue on with their chasing. From where she’s sitting and watching, Sistine can’t help but laugh, even if they weren’t listening to her. They were at the age where they were testing out childish rebellion like trying on lipstick for the first time. 

Smoothing out the creases in her dress, Sistine enjoys the feeling of the warm air on her skin and the sound of her parents chatting quietly in the back. At twenty years old, she finds new things to enjoy with every summer vacation, even if they’re relatively the same. She’s turned down trips to New York, Mexico, all sorts of places just to have this. 

The sound of wood creaking shifts her attention from her sisters to her grandmother standing behind her, equipped with the yellow rocking chair whose legs were now scraped up from being dragged all over the house.

“Oma! Ich vermisse dich seit Monaten. Danke, dass Sie uns haben.” 

Grandma! I’ve been missing you for months. Thank you for having us.

The older woman waves her hand in the air, shaking her head. Taking a seat in the chair, Sistine watches as she settles down, decades long of experience and life sitting with her all at once. It makes her sad, just a little, to see her grandmother be a grandmother. 

"Ich habe dich sehr vermisst. du und deine Schwestern. so groß! Was tust du jetzt?”

I’ve missed you more! You and your sisters, so big! What do you do now?

Her question thrills Sistine. She had been waiting to see her grandma face to face to update her on all she's done. Excitement like this couldn’t be shared over the phone. 

 "Es ist mein zweites jahr an der Universität von Florenz! Ich studiere immer noch Umweltwissenschaften. Ich habe einen Club für ökologische Nachhaltigkeit in der stadt und auf dem Campus gegründet.”

It’s my second year at the University of Florence! I’m still studying environmental science. I started an environmental sustainability club in the city and on campus!

As she talks, Sistine notices her grandmother’s expression falter. She seems bored, but she carries on anyway. She was so excited. 

“Ich habe mich für ein Praktikum in Oregon beworben. Es ist in Crater Lake, diesem Nationalpark. es ist echte Erfahrung mit Ökosystemen und Forschung.”

I applied for an internship in Oregon. It’s in Crater Lake, this national park. It’s real experience with ecosystems and research. 

Her words are no longer accompanied by the same enthusiasm from when their conversation first began. Sistine’s grandmother isn’t interested and she knows it. 

"Das ist gut, Sistine. Aber sobald du mit dieser ganzen Schule fertig bist, hast du das hinter dir. Wirst du dich niederlassen? Wann denkst du an eine Ehe? Eine Familie?”

That's good, Sistine. But once you're done with this whole school, that's over with you. Will you settle down? When do you think about marriage? And a family?

“Das ist noch sehr weit. Ich habe Zeit.”

That's still very far. I have time. 

“Es ist nicht so viel Zeit, Sie müssen bald anfangen, über diese Dinge nachzudenken. Sie müssen sich überlegen, was Sie als nächstes tun werden.”

It's not that much time, you need to start thinking about these things soon. You need to think about what you're going to do next.

“Was ist, wenn ich als nächstes nur arbeiten möchte? Meinen Abschluss verwenden?

What if I just want to work next? use my degree?

"Das reicht dir im leben nicht, nicht als frau.”

That is not enough for you in life, not as a woman. 

“Warum reicht das nicht? Warum sollte dich das nicht glücklich machen? Warum ist Leidenschaft nicht genug für dich?”

Why isn't that enough? Why shouldn't that make you happy? Why isn't passion enough for you?

Elevating from her seat, her grandmother walks away. She doesn’t have to say anything to let Sistine know that she’s disappointed in her goals. In her passion. 

Sistine watches as she leaves, tears forming in her eyes. Boiling inside of her is frustration, hurt, and sadness. They mix together like colors, painting the inside of her body with hues of emptiness that she didn’t know she had been carrying with her. 

The radical feminine notion inside of her is livid at what her grandmother proposes. A girl with a desire like her, a work ethic so consistent, a craving so deep for success shouldn’t be questioned for her motives. Her accomplishments have become gendered, scaled and ranked on their validity to assess their importance.

Wasn’t this enough in itself? 

While Sistine tells herself over and over again that yes, it is enough, it should be more than enough - her grandma’s words ring in the back of her mind. 

That is not enough for you in life, not as a woman. 

Because, truly, what were accolades, recognition, and applause without someone there to celebrate with? What was the worth in it all to accept awards on a stage and have no one to look to? No one to dedicate a speech to? 

No one to go home to.

She’s kept herself busy and Sistine excuses that her lack of time has not allowed her to create a meaningful relationship. Too focused on school, too focused on work. 

This Vienna summer has not begged her for any of her efforts. She has the time, she’s got it all. 

So what has stopped her?

The fiery feminist inside of her that does not allow her to seek out accomplishments that do not immediately pertain to school or work? 

No. It is the impending doom and knowledge that she may be one of those people. One of those women who have to settle with just enough in life. It makes her angry to think in such a manner, it seems degrading to think so lowly of a life like that. She has the utmost respect for the women who live like this, but Sistine knows that she isn’t capable of being satisfied like that. 

It truly wouldn’t be enough for her. 

It didn’t have to be marriage or a family. It just needed to be understanding. Because, to her, to be understood was to be loved. That was what would be enough for her, as a woman. 

She had told herself, plenty of times, that women were more than just their capabilities of love and care. They they had much more to offer and had the right to want more in life beyond this domesticity.

But at the end of the day, she was just a woman.

[cdelphiki]

Hm. Trying to come up with a surname for Jason and the kids to use in Jason and the Three Terrors and I’ve been researching for an hour and I’m no closer to figuring it out than I was when I started.  

#I hate the surname 'head' #i know thats what talia uses but i hate it #so im not using it #but trying to figure it out is difficult #because im not sure what story the kids are gonna sell for where they're from #i think their cover story is going to be they've been living in afghanistan #and either they are all full bio siblings #and had mixed parents #and thats how jason is pretty white (although tanned) and mara is fully arab #and athanasia and damian are in the middle #or maybe jason has a different dad from the kids but they all have the same mom #or it can be same dad and different mom #dunno #i dont need to figure that out for like 10 more chapters though #but i'll need their last name sooner #I was trying to find last names that mean 'beast' since al ghul means beast according to google translate #but thats been hard to research #and trying to find which language i want the name in #probably arabic to fit the cover story #but apparently in afghanistan it is common to not have surnames #so ugh #lol