#im so embarrassed and this whole post is embarrassing but i think i deserve to be a bit cringe for a moment | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maytheleiabewyou · 3 days

Text

Analysis of the German gay film #freierfall / #freefall PART 5

For the 10th anniversary (omg! 10 years already!) (11 now because its 2024!) of one of my favorite movies I decided to make an analysis of the film and especially of the scenes between these two great actors.Max Riemelt and Hanno Koffler. Kay and Marc. Marc and Kay. I hope you like it and that above all it serves to encourage the creators to give us that long awaited second part.

HERE IT IS PART 5:

Remember where we left it? :)

Gif de everythingmaxriemelt

Are you ready? I think THIS IS one of the best parts of this review and of the whole film!!!!

[Before going to the scene... have you notice this moment when Marc stops everything just to think or "think" what he is about to do.. (all this after having gone to see Bettina and having tucked her in lovingly)]

BEFORE GOING TO ONE OF THE HOTTEST SCENES, I FEEL WE NEED TO LISTEN TO THE SONG THAT INTRODUCES US TO THE ACTION! I mean this whole part is going to be full of CAPS! HAHA #theEXCITEMENT

gO to track nº10! "The Woods: Love" aaaaaaaaaaaaaa the name!! Its just an instrumental track that introduces us to the passion!!! and makes us our hearts race? ofc!

NOWWW LETS GOOOO!! (*let the gif feast begin*)

Gif de everythingmaxriemelt

They've arranged to go for a run and it's literally pouring. Who do they think they're going to do sport? Well in a way they ARE going to practice some kind of exercise haha

This scene if you ask me makes me so embarrassed (in a good way!) because it is so clear what is going to happen between them, not only because of the clues in the last scenes, but also because the weather is not only telling us what is going to happen but SHOUTING IT OUT!

This scene is not about deceiving the viewer or faking a normal situation, nothing like that, this scene is transgressive in itself. This scene is telling us: this is what you wanted (and the protagonists too, obviously) this is what you got!

<<<<Now our minds can only think about one thing>>>>

Who is going to make the first move?

It should be Marc because Kay was the one proposing this plan, or it should be Kay because Marc already did the hardest part of going there to do what we all know is going to happen? haaaaaaaaa lets see!

I can help it to say that Kay is my favorite. Once again he being the one facilitating everything <3

YAYYY! MARC WAS THE ONE MAKING THE FIRST MOVE & KISSING KAY!

And now the next is simply p-e-r-f-e-c-t

Im adding the video of the whole scene BECAUSE IT IS NECESSARY!

But never in our wildest dreams did we imagine their first scene like this! In the middle of a storm!

lOOk please their looks!!! Again so much information without them saying anything!

Kay's look conveys desire, but also the desire to be playful with Marc. They are going to f*ck in the woods while raining and in PUBLICCCCC! Do you hear me screaming?! Marc is ENJOYING HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE MOVIE! Marc is determined to have a good time, to enjoy himself and above all to show Kay what he can do!! I can't handle it!!!!!!! AMIGAS THEY ARE BOTH SMILING!

now the uncertainty begins!

Do they like it? Is Marc happy with what happened? (Because we all know that KAY IS HAPPY!) and above all, does Marc regret it?

<<awkward silence fills all the scene>>

Again, my KAY asking Marc if everything is okay.

((AND OF COURSE EVERYTHING IS OKAY)) Or at least that is what we all want to think because it is true that Marc says yes to Kay but he immediately leaves the car without kissing Kay as a goodbye or something!

Kay saying

-it has been good

+ And Marc nodding in embarrassment!

The cutest? YES.

NOW WE ENTER TO THE CUTEST SCENES OF THE MOVIE

NOW WE CAN OFFICIALLY SAY THAT THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A (CLANDESTINE) COUPLE!

End of part 5.

I want know to dedicate a whole part to some scenes that for me are everything! Those scenes deserve a bunch of posts, parts or whatever all by themselves! Im SO happy!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for all the feedback from the previous publications and to the owners of the gifs I used <3

And here you have the previous parts in case you missed them!

#free fall #gay movies #gay cinema #freier fall #hanno koffler #marc x kay #gay story #gay love #lgtbq characters #max riemelt #Spotify #gay #lgtbtq

19 notes · View notes

malkaviian · 1 year

Text

the unhinged mav drawing posts the day after tomorrow and i've debated a million times whether to let it post or create an account for these type of not-so-sfw drawings

#then again i put it under a read more + tagged it as much as i could + still put warnings before the read more.#so idk what else im supposed to do. imma be honest and say i created a kinky sideblog to reblog shit im too embarrassed to reblog here #but i have yet to use it lol. i could use it maybe?? but then having a following is kinda hard ooooof.#i still dont have that much on the general art blog. it took me a lot to get 9 fucking followers. its ok though #i appreciate the 9 people who saw my art and decided to follow; thats more than i think i deserve lol (and i have 55 on insta)#but thats also why i dont want anyone to unfollow i will die.#theres the chance i either attract kinky people who like to see a boy with a collar and a leash all bruised and with cuts #or 🐜s who will cancel me for having not so approved kinks; or just kinks in general #(i never talked about mav's paraph1l1a directly on there; although i have a drawing queued for tomorrow that very vaguely hints at it)#(but you literally need to know more about his character to even realize lmao and i have yet to write his toyhouse)#also; you know how 🐜s are. violence ok but sex no. i could draw someone all gory but if the context is kinky #then suddenly is irredeemable and how can i do that to the poor pixels who belong to me.#anyway this whole post was me wondering whether i should cancel the posting and post it in the kink blog i have #or let it post in the regular art blog and god knows what will happen. idk as i said getting even the slightness of disapproval #will send me into a spiral. a.#lilith whispers

1 note · View note

ghostbite0 · 2 months

Text

regarding the whole 21 trio turned baby thing....

feel free to ask about this concept im so invested. i need to draw like 20+ things. "ghostbite stop making aus with the hashira being turned into kids." no they are severely traumatized and deserve to have fun and cope every once in a while. its cute. my art my rules

more info under the cut...

giyuu is so over this whole situation and just wants to sleep it off. he cooperates but very reluctantly. when hes all baby mode hes a curious little guy. the other hashira see his smile and they all lose their minds. despite this shinobu and tengen tease him constantly. i imagine hes rlly similar to how he was as a kid where hes more reserved and smiley and everyone thinks its super sweet. he's the easiest to take care of by a long shot

sanemi is angry and hates the world and is constantly smacking whoever will scoop him up. he loves to pull on people's hair and is regularly being lectured. then of course you have people teasing him like aww is the little guy fussy (this immediately results in sanemi unleashign hell)... when hes baby mode hes the happiest little thing and he drools everywhere. he is only nice to genya when hes in baby mode otherwise hes just screaming bloody murder and trying to rip off all his hair

as for obanai hes shy and embarrassed about the whole thing. he has mittens on 24/7 and is almost always wrapped up in a blanket bc he needs the warmth. timid and at war with his demons. if he doesnt have a pacifier he has his little tongue sticking out and if this is pointed out to him he will shrivel up and die. when hes baby mode hes the sweetest little thing and it confuses everyone bc arent u supposed to be like the meanest person in the world. hes the smallest of the three so everyone pays closer attention to him to ensure hes eating and he doesnt get sick bc his little immune system just cant handle it. mitsuri absolutely adores him and muichiro has claimed him as his baby brother and if you try to take obanai away from him he will bite you

also shoutout to my bud @photographicapparitions this whole au is based on a concept we have talked abt & they characterized baby mode giyuu and i was a coward and scared of posting things but they have been endlessly suportive.... go send them some love

640 notes · View notes

wttcsms · 1 year

Note

Hihi i saw ur request box was open & i just couldnt resist! A big confession to make here, uhh ive been such a big fan of u and yr writings and also u were the v first fanfic blog i came across a couple years ago so yea, u literally open my third eye to a whole new world of fics👉👈 🥺

i feel like you havent written angst in a while–and bc i miss ur angsty haikyuu fics– sooo could i request post-breakup college!au with atsumu or iwai (honestly anyone who'd best fit the scenario cuz i trust ur characterization👌) abt the aftermath of the breakup, them seeing us on campus and unconsciously following us with their eyes, reschin to help out on instinct only to realize theyre no longer together, thinking about what could've been just reminisce reminisce

ahhhh im sry honestly dont know how to expand more on the idea

thank you for stealing my ficvirginity😃

pairing atsumu miya x f!reader word count 2.1k content contains exes still in love, college!au, mutual pining author's notes hi <3 i remember you (eycee, right?). don't be a stranger! you can always dm me and say hello :) thank you for the constant support. not sure if this fic is angsty enough, but i wanted yours to be the first req i do <3

“Hi, welcome in! Let me know if— Oh.”

Your voice falters, recognition and maybe even something similar to embarrassment flits across your face, and a split second later, you go back to smiling like nothing’s wrong. Like the two of you haven’t spent the better half of this month actively avoiding each other at all costs, even though the sprawling acres of the University of Tokyo suddenly feels too small. The entirety of Japan has felt too small ever since it became his mission to never cross paths with you ever again.

This mission of his started just a little over two weeks ago, on the very same day you decide to use his heart as your own punching bag. The worst part of it all, though, is the fact that he doesn’t even hold any type of contempt for you. It’s a cruel sort of joke; sometimes, Atsumu Miya feels like everything bad that happens to him is just some sort of sick punchline in a sitcom instead of real life.

Usually, when girlfriends find out their high school sweetheart is going to be a wildly successful (and rich) professional athlete, they’ll do anything in their power to hang onto him.

You decided to snip the invisible string tying the two of you together, and you did it so effortlessly, so quickly, that Atsumu had to make sure that he hadn’t been imagining the last four years of your relationship.

He’s got his hands shoved in his pockets, and he’s torn between staring at you like a total creep or looking at everything in the campus bookstore but you. He settles for the former, scared that this will be his last opportunity to really look at you.

Neither of you is saying anything. It’s a Saturday and so no one else is even in the bookstore this morning, and Atsumu wants to say something, anything, but he’s never been that great at carefully picking his words, and he’s scared out of his mind that he’ll say something stupid and prove once and for all that you had been right to break up with him. Better yet, he wants you to say something. He wants you to give him a better explanation instead of the bullshit you told him in his apartment.

We just want different things.

What does that even mean? He thinks he would have shouted out that question, if only your little break up speech hadn’t caught him so off guard. Different things? The two of you wanted different things? Sure, Atsumu likes to sleep in a freezing cold apartment, and you need the room to actually be at a reasonable temperature. And maybe Atsumu has a penchant for overly fried, greasy foods when all you want (and deserve) is a fancy dinner. Maybe Atsumu wants to be at a sports store instead of browsing aisle after aisle in Sephora, but he doubts these different wants have accumulated so much that you felt you had no choice but to break his heart.

“Hey, Miya.” You say it softly, dropping the perky customer service voice you greeted him with before you turned around and realized who he was. And he flinches. He fucking visibly cringes at the way you speak to him, walking on eggshells and going back to formalities like he’s barely above a stranger to you.

Miya.

(Did you know that he wanted to make that your last name?

Do you know that he still does, even now?)

“Hey,” he replies back, curling his fingers into fists inside his pocket. He thinks his voice comes out all scratchy, like how it always sounds when you don’t use your voice nearly enough. He clears his throat awkwardly. Everything feels awkward; everything feels wrong. He says “hey”, but what he really means to say is please don’t call me Miya; you know the color of my toothbrush, you don’t have to call me Miya.

“Were you looking for something?”

You.

Subconsciously, Atsumu finds himself seeking you out. He walks by another girl on campus and almost breaks his neck with the speed he turns around to catch a whiff of the perfume wafting from her body because he swears it’s the same fragrance you favor. He walks by the building that houses all the classrooms for your specific major, even though it’s located on the opposite side of his own classes because he secretly hopes against all hope that he’ll run into you, and you’ll see him and fall in love with him again. He goes to the same restaurants the two of you frequently ate at together, and he orders your usual because you can never finish your entire meal and always have him finish off the leftovers for you (and the food is always good, but somehow it doesn’t taste the same when your utensils haven’t touched it first). And he doesn’t even need to be here, doesn’t even care enough about his stupid class to go out of his way to buy the study guide, but he knows you’ve started picking up the weekend shifts at the campus bookstore, and suddenly, he cares enough about passing to get the damn study guide.

He shrugs. “Just some stupid workbook to study for an upcoming exam, but it’s not that serious.”

“Oh. Is Dr. Furata giving you a hard time again?”

“How do you do that?” Atsumu blurts out, wanting to kick himself for giving too much of himself away. You already own every centimeter of his heart and maybe his soul. You don’t need anything else from him; he’s almost certain there’s nothing left for him to give you, but he can’t help but impulsively ask the damn question that’s been running through his mind ever since you left him behind.

Did you know that when you’re confused, your brows furrow together, and you get this adorable, endearing crinkle in between them? Do you know that he still finds that same expression as cute as he did when you still called yourself his girlfriend?

“What are you talking about?”

How can you just stand there and act like you never crushed his heart? How do you wake up in the morning and not feel like your life is missing something important, like you’ll never feel whole again? How can you keep him wrapped around your finger, and then have the audacity to not even realize it? How did you let him go so quickly?

Practicing caution, he swallows hard before clarifying, “How do you know everything?” Because if you can act like he’s just a polite acquaintance, like he’s nothing more than another fellow classmate, he can try to play pretend too. He can act like there’s not enough history between the two of you to fill up every damn textbook in this stupid store. “Yeah, Dr. Furata’s been on everyone’s ass. Somethin’ about midterm grades being worth a quarter of our overall grade.”

“Believe me, you’re not the first victim of Dr. Furata’s to come wandering in the store. I think I have a few more of the workbooks he suggested in stock. Let me go check.”

It’s instinct at this point for Atsumu to just follow you. If he uses his imagination, it’s almost like he’s back to browsing in a makeup store, walking aimlessly in every aisle, following you loyally because he’s happy to have you lead the way and he doesn’t care where he ends up, so long as you’re there with him.

But this isn’t an afternoon date with you. This is him following a bookstore employee. After you find that study guide, which is really nothing more than his flimsy excuse for seeking you out, you’re going to ask him “card or cash?”, ring him up at the register, and he’s going to walk out that door and have to act like he’s still not in love with you. All the while, you’re doing fine. You’re fine right now, and you’re going to be fine when he leaves, and you’re probably going to be fine, five years down the line, when you’re happy with someone else and Atsumu is alone because in this little hypothetical, he still hasn’t gotten over you.

He is trailing behind you in this bookstore, and your back is facing him, and he’s panicking because he doesn’t think he’s capable of not loving you.

Just two weeks ago, you knew him better than anyone else in the world, maybe even better than Osamu, perhaps even better than he knows himself. Now, you just give him a polite smile as you grab the small stool to reach the books located at the very top of the shelf.

“God, I hate the way we organize everything in the store.” You say, lightheartedly complaining. He knows you do. He knows because he’s known you for nearly a decade. The two of you have grown up together. You made this same complaint sprawled out on the couch in his apartment.

When he doesn’t reply, you look down to see if something’s the matter, only to do it too quickly that you find yourself losing your balance. Before you can come crashing to the floor, Atsumu is quick to catch you, and you pretend that his protective embrace isn’t comforting. You pretend not to notice that he’s wearing the cologne you bought him for Christmas last year, and you continue to pretend that you don’t miss him at all, that you don’t still love him.

And for a second, the two of you both pretend that you’re still with each other. That it’s perfectly okay to savor this intimate moment, that his arms wrapped around your body right now isn’t awkward in the slightest. He’s staring at you with a sort of starstruck, boylike wonder, and it’s so familiar, so sweet, because it’s the way he always used to look at you. His lips part slightly, like he’s about to say something, and—

The loud ring! interrupts whatever moment the two of you are sharing, and you nearly jump out of his arms. You hear the distinct footsteps of another student, and you adjust your shirt before remembering where the two of you are — what the two of you are. Not a couple. Barely even friends. Just a bookstore employee and a student that needs a book. That’s all the two of you are allowed to be.

“I should probably go check up front and make sure they don’t need any help.” You tell him, biting down on your lip. “Anyway, did you need anything else, or would you like me to check you out right now?”

He blinks a few times, as if still in a daze. “Uh, yeah, sure.” The tips of his ears are flushed a light pink. “Y-yeah, I’m done here.”

The two of you practically race each other to the front of the store, and you step behind the counter to scan his workbook. He drums his fingers, looking around the store. When he’s nervous, he likes to be moving. You know this.

Just looking for an excuse to use his hands, Atsumu mindlessly picks a pack of gum off a nearby rack and slides it towards you so you can also scan it. You know you shouldn’t say it. You know it’s supposed to be a clean break. Instead, you tell him,

“Actually, if you want, I have the fruit variety flavor.”

“Huh?” This catches his attention.

You reach into one of the boxes that have just been shipped to the store, rummaging through a tiny one before revealing a shiny, new package of gum, this one advertising all the flavors based on tropical fruits. “Would you rather have this one?”

“Oh, yeah!” As if truly forgetting what the two of you actually are (exes, strangers with too much history, two people still pretending like they’re not in love), his eyes light up. “How did you kno—” He doesn’t finish the question. He knows the answer to the question.

You’re quick to finish ringing him up, the “polite strangers” illusion being completely shattered. It’s obvious, really, that there are always going to be parts of Atsumu that still live deep inside of you. You can only hope that this isn’t the case for him.

You hand him the bag, and when he grabs it from you, your fingers just barely graze each other’s. Atsumu is scared — scared that this might be the last time he ever feels your touch.

And because you’re a glutton for punishment, you find yourself telling him,

“Don’t be a stranger.”

You can’t tell who’s more devastated: you or him.

#atsumu miya x reader #miya x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #hq angst #one shot #drabble #imagine #haikyuu fanfiction #wttcsms writing warmups #this fic is so taylor coded btw #'please don't ever become a stranger's whose laugh i could recognize anywhere'#< that's literally reader n atsumu rn #wanted to leave it vague but #reader breaks up w atsumu bc they're both going in diff directions in life and she doesn't want to 'hold him back'#EVEN THOUGH ATSUMU WOULD REARRANGE HIS WHOLE LIFE FOR HER AND FOLLOW HER ANYWHERE #but she wants him to do whatever HE wants

324 notes · View notes

latriii · 1 year

Text

𐄹 DEJA VU ? — y.jw x f!reader ★

| OO20. THE CHANGE 4 THEM

thursday 8:30am — Seoul High

the news about yn and jungwon being together has gotten around the school, they were both a bit taken aback by the sudden news about them a couple, but it felt awkward. things were never made official and riki “exposing” them made things even more weird.

they were both uncomfortable, but yn did approach jungwon and asked him to walk with her to rooftop. she was more upset than she thought she would’ve been. riki always airing out their business really set her off.

at first, the posts were funny and harmless , but when it came to her and jungwon, yn felt differently. she was embarrassed and unsure of how to process the posts. she really hated the fact that everyone knew what was going on between her and her potential future boyfriend.

“jungwon why would you let riki post that?” the girl stared at the boy, he nibbled on his bottom lip, feeling unsure about what to say.

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to make any of this happen. he just doesn’t understand boundaries..” he replied, being completely honest with the girl.

“What did you expect would happen?” yn inquired, crossing her arms and leaning against the fence as the wind blew through her silky hair.

jungwon stayed silent, knowing that yn had gotten him there. he didn’t know what he expected and right now he just felt bad. he really did like yn and he knew she liked him back but riki doing this was just too much.

“rIki just wanted us to settle things once and for all, he thought this would help.” the boy glanced at the girl, he had been watching her facial expressions. it hasn’t changed since they started this conversation. she had a downturned face. oh, it was still gorgeous of course, but she was just so obviously upset.

“I know he thinks hes helping us get together but what he did was not his place. i want you to do the talking not him.” yn said, her voice wavering slightly as she spoke.

“i fucking like you and i hate how everyone knows everything about us when i just want to spend time with you without the stares and whispers!” yn continued, her voice was stronger now, her eyes flashing in determination.

“I don’t want anyone else deciding or interfering with our relationship. everyone has had an opinion on us since i moved here because of that stupid rumor that your ex made and honestly, im sick of it. i just want us to be true to each other and for people to stop, and i know you cant do anything about it but please. just tell riki to stop.”

the two never realized how much they were changing for the better, how much support they were giving each other until now. And it was all due to the things went through together.

jungwon listened to every word she said and took it all in, knowing exactly what she meant and how hard it was for her. he reached forward and took both her hands in his before speaking.

“im sorry yn, i had no idea how much this was effecting you. i like you so much its killing me how much i never realized this was hurting you. i cant make any promises like, getting people to stop talking, but i can tell you that i'll do what i can to make sure riki stops posting.” jungwon gave a gentle squeeze to her hands, trying to reassure her as best he could that he would take care of it.

and so he did. after kissing yn on the cheek and walking her to class, he spoke to riki and did his best to make him understand how important it was for yn to get the respect she deserved.

riki agreed and promised to stop posting anything about them. it was him who started this whole relationship though, so jungwon wasn’t completely mad at him.

if riki never asked him to distract yn at that party, they probably would’ve never had this type of connection. so even though jungwon had kissed yn and pretended not to know her, it all worked out in the end.

riki still felt bad so he agreed to help jungwon surprise yn so he could ask her to officially be his girlfriend. and when the time came, he really put in the effort, making something work for them.

m.list — prev next

| 𐄹 DEJA VU would be word that went though yn’s mind when she saw the class president at her new school. the uncanny resemblance YANG JUNGWON had with the guy SATO YN kissed at a party last weekend ran through the girls mind. but there was one problem, they were complete opposites. they aren’t same person, RIGHT ?

latri’s zz … Im sad this chapter is sad

TAGLIST @eulris @yenqa @jungwonsgfnameyukie @taegyuul @chaechae-23 @astrae4 @winteringdream @l0veflrws @leaderwon @wtfhyuck @softpia @kyyuri @jangw2nyo @curly-fr13s @baekhyunstruly @wonioml @sydneylam777 @woncheecks @soobsdior @beomsbeanie @j-wyoung @ilovewonyo @officiallyjaehyuns @hyuckscore @maimoirs @haefims @pr-da @nokacchan @sserafimez @heartsforjngwn @lhees01 @kyuupidwrites @shinsou-rii @ensrfm @strwberrydinosaur @cwsana @rikimylove @haoqwrld @soobisrealgfnotfake @sunooluver @wonyoungsvirus @aeminju @tzyuki @enhapocketz @kyanmeai

168 notes · View notes

listerbirdloml · 26 days

Note

this was probably from ages ago but some fun asks for you; favorite lister headcannons? [I]

OOH idk man i’m shit at head cannons ALSO THIS WAS SAT IN MY DRAFTS FOR AGES IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT I POSTED IT

- well in my mind i always read him with a northern english accent and i’m not sure why. i know he’s from kent like Rowan + Jimmy but he just gives off northern vibes idk. and after learning that his dads scottish i can also see him using lots of Scottish slang terms.

- i think he’s a slag for a bit of pop too. Britney, Ariana, Taylor, Reneé, you name it. he gets a bit embarrassed though so he turns off his AirBuds when he wants to listen to girly pop music. he has the widest music taste out of the ark, so his Spotify wrapped is always mental. he posts them every year and not once has the same song appeared in his top listened to

- ik he’s not like blonde blonde but i think his natural hair is a lot darker but he’s been dying it blonder since he first met Jimmy and Rowan. when the ark are on hiatus he lets it grow out to his natural colour for a bit.

- he tried to grow a stache one time but Rowan shaved it while he slept. Also he didn’t know how to shave when he first met Jimmy and Rowan, so Pierro taught him. Pierro also taught him how to tie a real tie rather than use a clip on one.

- Joan LOVED lister. she would always fuss over him when he would come over. When he’d come round he would help her in the garden, but really he was terrible and Joan would always have to fix his mistakes. when he told her about how he and his mum would listen to albums together when he was little, she began showing him her collection of old records from when she was a teen/young adult. when she died she left Lister a few of his favourites. Lister keeps them hidden at all times so when he was hosting parties there was no chance they’d get damaged. after they stopped having so many people over Lister kept them displayed in the living room.

- i think that before he and Jimmy got together he had healthy and fun relationship with someone unrelated. it’s not anything ridiculously serious but it helps him see what he should realistically be looking for and what he deserves. it’s not like he’s using the person though, and he actually really likes them. they eventually end things amicably though, and stay good friends.

- it says on the WIKI article alice wrote for him that he has three half siblings. as far as i can think there’s no canon information about them other than that, so i like to HC that they are all from his dads second marriage and they don’t talk much since Lister hasn’t been to visit his dad in years. the ages are;

1.) Lister (19-20)

2.) a sister who’s like 17ish, she’s super embarrassed about the whole ark thing and is reluctant to rebuild a relationship with him again when he reaches out to her post IWBFT, because she remembers how he used to constantly fight with their dad when he’d come over for christmas / two weeks in the summer holidays. when they do start to reconnect and get closer she helps him bond with their dad too. (maybe she’s called Maya?)

3.) a younger brother who’s 13ish and a total TWAT. they look really similar and he’s just like how Lister was in school but he’s hilarious and really admires Lister. somehow he’s stupid smart though, even if he’s class clown. i think he reaches out to Lister when he’s still in the hospital after the incident. i also think it would be funny if the younger brother’s celebrity crush was Jimmy but his image of jimmy is completely shattered when he meets him properly. (i call him Brodie in my head)

4.) his youngest sister who’s like 7 who barely remembers lister but once they get closer she has him wrapped around her little finger. he almost bought her a horse once but Jimmy and Rowan had to remind him that a 7 year old who lives in a city centre can not logistically look after a whole horse. (i think her names Eilidh)

- the ark move from the flat into a house just outside london and he makes sure they all have a room so they can visit whenever they want to.

- after getting to know them better, he gets really close with Angel and Juliet. the three of them and Bliss have “girls” nights in the arks flat. when Listers hair grows they teach him how to pleat it. he gets really good and when he starts seeing his half siblings again he pleats his sisters hair for them)

sorry idk man i yapped a bit 🤷‍♀️

#this was so much longer than i intended it to be #but you brought this horse to the water and by god was she thirsty #answering asks #i was born for this #iwbft #osemanverse #alice oseman #the ark #jimmy kaga ricci #lister bird #rowan omondi #bliss lai #juliet schwartz #angel rahimi

21 notes · View notes

1-800-c0sm1c · 2 years

Text

꒰crossteaming !꒱

genshin characters as your streamer bf/gf !

character x gn!reader

includes albedo, childe, kaeya, xiao, and hu tao!

warnings : none.

a/n : these ended up being longer than i expected, so im splitting up the post a bit <3 hope you enjoy :D

ALBEDO - THE MINECRAFT YOUTUBER

albedo gives me wilbur soot vibes, minus the height.

if anyone in genshin were to join a minecraft smp just to reenact hamilton and be a jason dean kinnie, itd be albedo and im absolutely right about this.

teaches klee how to play too, his most popular stream was when they beat the ender dragon together :)

he also seems like the type to strictly use minecraft education edition, which is also totally valid because some of the recipes in there are literally so cool ???

pulls a dantdm and has his own minecraft lab and everything, doing all his silly little experiments!

“surcose, we need to sell drugs out of a van RIGHT NOW.”

when chat found out you and albedo were dating, there were two reactions.

one side was really happy for you both, the other was albedos parasocial fangirls who immediately put you on a hitlist.

seriously, if you had a dollar for everytime you were @ed in tweets about writing your name in a death note, youd have enough money to pay for every single persons therapy appointments.

youre always there to cheer him on when hes in mcc, his own little personal cheerleader :)

you show up at his office and just.. stand in front of the door, staring at him through the window. it sounds weird yes, but the shocked expression on his face is worth the wait for him to notice.

CHILDE - THE GRAND THEFT AUTO ONLINE ROLEPLAYER

“no chat i have not gone red. im just startled, thats all.”

childe is the type of fella to participate in the most wacky roleplays on gta online, and i am sticking by this headcannon.

hes done everything from a drug empire to owning his own country, nothing is off limits.

surprisingly hes a really good actor? when youre watching his streams you dont get the cringey second hand embarrassment, its just fun entertainment :D

it took his chat wayyy to long to realize how fine he is, although to be fair he did have mostly men watching him. (not like thats an excuse or anything.)

i feel hes definitely been nominated for a streamy before! whether or not you think he deserves to win is up to you though LMAO

“only a small percentage of my viewers are actually subscribed-”

childe leaked your relationship by accident once by having a tab open of your instagram while he was streaming.

when chat confronted him, he kind of just… ended stream. (real smooth.)

fans went to your instagram afterwards and saw pictures of you two together and started posting them to twitter, and childe ended up on trending because of it.

you felt indifferent to the whole thing, but childe was panicking. he didnt want to let his viewers into that part of his life just yet, but he was, scientifically speaking, caught lacking.

you dont appear on streams much, and childe still avoids allegations about your relationship entirely. its not that he doesnt want to show you off, he does! he just doesnt like having less differentiation between his online persona and his private life.

“whos instagram are you stalking…? thats gonna be all from me chat goodnight!”

KAEYA - THE VALORANT STREAMER

kaeya doesnt play valorant because hes good at it, but because its fun to mess with the fanbase.

you know THOSE vtubers who are.. weirdly sexual? kaeya is like that but he does it in a satirical way.

likes messing with the homophobes too, but everyone still debates on what his sexuality is (kind of like jschlatt.)

definitely is problematic on twitter on purpose just to get people to talk about him, hes a little bit of an attention whore but we love him anyways <3

has never apologized for anything hes said or done EVER, and doesnt plan on it either.

“what do you mean i got canceled on twitter AGAIN? its only been 3 days!”

chat didnt believe him when he said he was in a relationship. so be dragged your ass into his room to show them.

it didnt work though, they thought you were a paid actor for the next 2 months LMAO

it got to a point where kaeya was doing literally anything on stream to convince chat, and finally you had enough.

you told him to take a break from streaming, he was way too obsessed with trying to prove something that doest matter to anybody but the two of you.

something finally clicked in his head, and after that you dont appear on camera as much anymore. for the most part people believe that you two are together, but hell still get donations joking around that they dont think youre a couple, simply because its funny.

“thank you for 200 bits! ….i am retracting my thank you.”

XIAO - THE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS PLAYER

i dont have any reason for this connection, other than it feels right.

if xiao werent a league player i would suggest smite, he just seems like hed be more into team games like that rather than overwatch or valorant.

just because hes my favorite doesnt mean im letting him off easily, league players get no rights <3 and xiao is no exception.

unironically listens to k/da as well, knows all the choreography but will literally never admit to it.

everyone in his chat has channel points stacked up to tell him to hydrate, he tends to forget when he gets really into the match.

“stream more by k/da for clear skin. no i will NOT be giving you a demo, i dont want a dmca.”

youre xiaos number one bully, and chat is always there to back you up.

when i played lol i was an ahri main, so stick with me here, its about to get real self indulgent.

youre a cosplayer, and one of your favorite ways to mess with your boyfriend is to dress up as his favorite characters. (peak s/o behavior right there.)

chat teased him heavily for his reaction, you could hear my chemical romance being blasted from the bedroom that night.

something about the cosplayer x gamer trope is just sooo <3

“you have no respect for league of legends players.” (duh - an ex league player)

HU TAO - THE DEAD BY DAYLIGHT PLAYER

when hu tao first heard about dbd i imagine she thought it would be an easy way to gain new clients, now she sticks around because its fun to terrorize people as killer, and be an absolute menace as survivor.

i think shed be a nurse main, but one of those that are insanely good at playing nurse. she wins the game in no time because her teleports are perfect.

i can only imagine how many people have rage quit because of her.

along with dead by daylight, i see her just overall being a horror game player. lots of five nights at freddys, resident evil, etc.

shes never gotten scared on camera before, chat has tried but shes always one step ahead.

“i lied, i dont actually like sex. put your clothes back on i need to explain to you the entirety of the five nights at freddys timeline.”

hu taos favorite pastime is scaring you, she stays on top of the newest horror content specifically because of that. (oh, and its also kind of her brand. but she puts you first <3)

shed sacrifice herself in a heartbeat if youre playing dead by daylight together. she always says if at least you survive its good enough of a victory for her too.

she also has gone on record to say yall are playing the security breach dlc the day it drops. run while you still have the chance.

youve tried to convince her to tweet at shayne and ryan about being on an episode of ghost files but everytime she just suggests to play phasmophobia instead. like cmon girl those are two different things.

even thought shes trying to scare you on purpose, you know shes always got your back if something happens.

“ha look at your face! …okay okay im sorry! come here, youre fine, ive got you.”

#✧;;↬ my work.❞┊🍓#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #albedo x reader #kaeya x reader #childe x reader #xiao x reader #hu tao x reader

367 notes · View notes

demonic-charcuterie · 7 months

Text

Trancy triplets x daki! Little sister (but she is nicer to them,this can be considered a part two this post: https://www.tumblr.com/griffin-flyshigh/727415436597231616/the-trancy-triples-as-older-brothers-with-a-human)

You were a were a human when you first met your brothers. You were the missing piece and you could tell from the first moment your eyes met. By then you were 17 and they must have been a few hundred years old. You met in your cousin Alois’s manor. He’s long dead now.

You rang away together into a large house in the woods. It had all you needed. You had a back yard with a large cherry blossom tree that you to three would play chess and Timber would carry you back inside on his back when you fell asleep and started drooling on the picnic blanket. They admit you were a bit spoiled. Centuries of having three demon older brothers giving you everything you ever asked for. You wanted to live in peace in the woods. You blinked and they build you a whole manor. But you deserved it, you were their baby sister. And you treated them so well, you hummed to them as you stroked their heads while she laid on your chest or in the bed with you. “I love you brothers.” You’d whisper before you would drift of to sleep. You didn’t like working for other peoples souls so they’d share theirs with you. You giggled as they tore that persons soul and they screamed and they hand fed it to you.

That cherry blossom tree was burning now. And a tall man stood over with bloody gloves was your headless body held your head in its lap and tears streamed down from your eyes. Your brothers were out and you weren’t taught as a demon like they were. They’re were holes in the walls and your pink kimono was falling off of your shoulders.

“Barely put up a fight…” a smooth silky voice said, “are you sure you’re a demon?” The man said as bright green eyes stared back at you. “Your soul should have died over a century ago.”

“Don’t give me that crap! I’m stronger than you!” You growled “So what makes you think that I’m not a demon?!”

“Sorry but you can’t be a real demon…” they said in a snarky tone.

“I’ll have you know THAT I AM A UPPER RANK DEMON!” You wailed.

“Then why are you holding your severed head d in your hands right now?” The green eyed man said pointing at you.

“Just because my heads off doesn’t mean I’ve lost yet! IM AN UPPERANK DEMON!” You screamed from your head as your body cradled your head in its lap as if trying to comfort you.

“I think it’s clear you’ve lost, in fact this wasn’t even a battle.”

“I’m just to powerful for you to comprehend!!!!” You barked at him. This was so embarrassing, what would your brothers think? When ever they’re home and an intruder comes their blood is served to you in a wine glass. “I may be weak right now, but I’m going to get even stronger!”

The green eyed man pulled out a book and placed on his glasses. “Don’t recall asking darling.”

Your fist clenched so tight that your nail dug into your palms. A lump formed into your throat when tears started pouring out of your eyes and your whimpered loudly. Suddenly…you screamed. A high pitched shriek loud enough to break glass.

(Elsewhere)

The boys froze right as they went to grab the new chessboard you asked for because last time you broke it out of a fit of rage from loosing for the 4th time. “Little sister.” Canterbury said softly as his eyes flashed pink. He grabbed the box with the chessboard then him and your other two brother bolted as fast as their legs would take you.

(Back home)

“I AM A REAL DEMON I AM! I EVEN GOT THE BLACK NAILS AND PINK EYES TO PROVE IT!” You wailed as your body slammed its fist on the floor causing the wood to splinter.

“Why are you still talking? Your life record should have started playing…”

“Die! DIE! Oh you can just die!” You screamed. “H-he cut my head off! He cut my head off! Help me…BROTHERS!!!” You begged.

Stood as if from know where your brothers stood infront of you. Timber sighed and clicked his tongue when he saw your current state.

Canterbury snd Thompson both had s blatant look of rage in their eyes. The green eyed man quickly swung his sword going for Timbers head when Timber put out his pinkie finger stopping the sword with the tip of this finger, the green eyed man when flying but but then quickly pulled himself up.

“Woowww, you survived that? I was aiming to kill. What wonderful reflexes.” Timber said blankly. He turned back to you as he head your head over your stump of a neck. Canterbury kneels down and smiled kindly. “Come now little sister. There’s no use crying about it.”

“Can’t you even manage to reattach your own head?” Thompson asked lovingly as he took your head from Timber and reattached it. “Well you haven’t always been the sharpest tool in the shed have you?” He said stroking your hair. “And oh is that a burn on your face? You need to learn to take better care of this face you know! God gifted you such a beautiful one.”

“Demons! I’ll dispose all of you if I must!” The green eyed man yelled. The boys all stood and turned to him with pure look of rage.

You whimper in the back as your ran your finger over the healing line your your neck was cut.

“You attacked our sister…unprovoked?” Timber asked barely above a whisper.

“Brother wait! He wasn’t the only harassing me! There were other green eyed man to!”

“Reapers my darling sister. Grim reapers here to collect your soul that should have burned years ago.” Canterbury said kindly to you.

“Please big brothers, kill the ones who burned me to! Kill them!, I’ve been working away over here and even though I’ve given it my all they still won’t die! I-I feel like I’ve tried everything but even then they just kept getting back up again and picking on me!” You said as your wiped tears. “They just kept bullying me and I just can’t take it anymore!”

By now three other reapers showed up and we’re all holding death scythes. “Ahh I think I understand now…” Thompson said. “Our poor little sister who was only turned a few 100 years ago was trying her very best with what little skill she had and you bullied her, that is absolutely unacceptable!”

“We’ll have to rib out all the spinal cords off those who laid a hand on her.” Timber said before pulling off his gloves and raising his fist. He glanced down at you and held out his hand right as one of the reaper started his…lawnmower? He bend down and pulled the kimono correctly onto your shoulder before turning back to them. “Now we go.”

“You’re dead!” One red head reaper said lunging towards your brothers and you pinched your eyes shut. Not even a second you felt a tapping on your shoulder and jumped. “Sister? Why are your eyes shut? Are you scared?” You gasped as your opened your eyes and saw the house in perfect condition. The lanterns where on casting a beautiful glow into their kind faces. You looked around. There was no blood, no broken wood. You slowly stood and shook your head. “B-but how? Where did-”

“Shush.” Canterbury said as he picked you up bridal style. “But brother what did you-“ you gasped when yo guy felt his hand pulled you closer to his chest. “In the morning. Perfect little sister.”

#black butler #alois trancy #trancy triplets #trancy triplets x reader #triplets black butler #triplets

34 notes · View notes

ham-st4r · 2 months

Note

NAH IM DONE WITH "ENGENES" (im looking at yall k-enegnes specfically)

WHY THE FUCK IS IT whenever enhypen releases new music, content, at a concert, fuck even breathe that these fake ass fuckers have the need to say something so shit to our boys LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS UR PROBLEM U STANKY ASS BE GRATEFUL THAT THEY ARE DOING SO MUCH FOR US

if they have so much problem just fucking leave man no need to stay. I feel like atp they are just there for the fan service. The day enhypen stops doing that is the day we all have true engenes that can vibe together fr fr.

On god bro like damn I was literally just thinking about that shit these boys are working fucking overtime (I know they chose to be idols) like back to back tours two hour long shows send off soundcheck new music back to back like what more could you want? Not to mention all the other little side projects they do They’re unproblematic but somehow “engenes” still got shit to say? They have been harassed threatened named called and everything else under the sun but yet people still got shit to say it’s outrageous

And fuck don’t even get me started on the member favoritism holy hot damn the fact that people are singling out members and based off looks or fan service really just grinds my gears like I love heeseung with my whole entire heart but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna bash sunghoon or call jay ugly like tf be for real right now

I have zero respect for people who talk about them like that and try to claim their “engenes” not to mention all the weird fan interactions they have to endure but god forbid they meet an engene in Japan and hug them then all hell has to break loose

There’s just so much more I have to say and honestly I could write 10k words on the topic alone

Not to mention people only talk about their visuals like they are more then their visuals they make incredible music and have some of the most unique voices in kpop that I’ve heard but still everytime you see a post about them it’s about heeseung’s visuals or some nonsense (not saying there aren’t post that praise them) but for the most part I really see post about that which in my opinion is meaningless like yes they are attractive young men (I only look at heeseung btw lol) but they are more than that honestly they deserve respect cause they have done nothing but work hard to put out greatness for us so we should appreciate it they’re always active (especially jungwon)

And the fan service and other engenes being jealous of that girl who did the go big or go home dance on the big screen in Dallas I think it was people literally stalked her account and went years back to find out she was saying the N word and they started dogging her for it (I hate when people use that word) but still to drag her like that was scary and crazy all just because the boys watched her on screen I can assure that the fans are thinking about her more than enhypen so I don’t get where all the jealousy comes in from yeah I wish I got noticed on the big screen but I’m not gonna throw hate at someone just cause she did and I didn’t (and maybe that’s cause they did see me in the crowd why I’m not jealous) but even still that’s too far I understand being jealous but not to the extent of tracking someone’s account down thats actually (if it’s true I just heard this somewhere on tiktok I think) but yeah there’s so much to say and it’s all negative I’m embarrassed that I’m even associated with them by being an engene but sadly there’s nothing I can do but like you said hopefully they will leave and the real engenes will have their time to shine

Another way you can tell those “engenes” are just in it for the members is the fact they are selling their vip1 tickets cause it was said there was going to be no send off (saw it on twitter not sure if this is true either) but if it is that’s crazy like why not just show up and support them without being delusional about it and the fact they walked out last year when enhypen was still performing songs just so they could get close at sendoff like come on it’s just embarrassing atp but anything to get noticed right? Even the members couldn’t stop the “fans” from fighting so that’s how you can tell it’s just a crazed obsession but okay I’m done

For now

#ham st4r⭐️ answers!

15 notes · View notes

ccarrot · 5 months

Note

what do you think of this

i dunno if they're really,, uh. that type of toxic codependent depressed yaoi.

but a lot of people seem to think so i guess it makes a little sense. i bet the op of that post got the vibes because of all the buzzwords somewhat related to skk lore

"angel"<- chuuya's been attributed to one a lot, especially in stormbringer. the light novel of my nightmares.

"your a dog and i'm your man" <- dazai has this fixation on chuuya being a dog and he's his master or smth.

"you believe me like a god" <- so there's this whole misunderstanding about chuuya ability being that he's like.. a vessel for some kind of super powerful entity. Not true! but the set up for his backstory arc was based around all the character's believing that they were looking for a "god." Also there's this highly embarrassing pattern of dazai acting all breathless and worship-y whenever chuuya's fighting at full power.

"destroy" <- lol the two of them seem to have a lot fun throwing hands and being general nuisances to each other

"when you leave me" <- dazai kinda already left XD left the life of crime

i mean i think chuuya was pretty upset about his bro suddenly disappearing but not "im gonna kill myself" level though. He apparently chugged a bottle of $5000 wine as copium tho. So i guess at a solid "minor mental breakdown" level

"i should die. i deserve it don't i?" <- dazaicore

#ask #ARYA HIHIHIHIHIHIHHIHI #what brought *that* on *your* dash.

11 notes · View notes

malkaviian · 1 year

Text

I've having brainrot over Fredgolden since yesterday

#au talk #im so embarrassed and this whole post is embarrassing but i think i deserve to be a bit cringe for a moment #anyway I just think the wolf/lamb symbolism is more fitting to them in this case ah #the lamb walked in a place full of wolves; hoping they were tamed enough. but not this one #fred was just expecting the right prey; but not even to kill- at least not directly. he wanted someone to abuse to release his frustrations #he doesnt mind prison itself; but hes greatly annoyed by the concept of having to take orders from someone else #who think they are inherently better from him. and he saw in golden the perfect opportunity #he seemed way too weak mentally to fit in there with the others; and he was physically cute. so he took the chance #and it worked! he got his little plaything; who had to watch his steps #because even a tiny bit of doubt of what they do could end horrible- for golden; who had; like; a reputation actually.#not to mention also send him to prison bc the whole thing is illegal. so now he can abuse him in whatever ways he wants #and the victim cant say anything because HE will be the one with the problem. perfect!!#he thinks is pathetic how everything worked out just because he gave him the tiniest bit of attention #but thats what makes it so perfect; he didnt even had to make that much effort #and of course; he had to share his prey with the rest of the wolves hes fond of <3 #now im gonna go to back to sleep #uuuu #abuse tw #ask to tag

0 notes

vamossainz55 · 1 year

Note

Hi! I was wondering if you could recommend me some F1 blogs? Interested in edits, fanfic, rambles.. anything really!

hi darling anon!! i'm flattered? nobody's asked me for recommendations but i'm more than happy to give some.

i love all of these accounts dearly and consume their content whenever i can- this is a long onev (ive never been the decisive type), so brace yourselves.

disclaimer: i heavily do mainly consume carlos content- and although not all of these accounts are to feed my carlos consumption needs, most of them are.

edits (or more general content)

@artemispt - makes the best compilations and always has the best carlos/carlando posts, love love love (personal shoutout for the back compilation

@sssainzz - im obsessed with dani and yall know that. the amount of effort she puts in what she posts? her concepts are also so much fun? she made a whole visual for f1 2023 season predictions. literally do not deserve her.

i also always love all the content that's posted by @whewchilly , @palalabu , @cesiumclock, @mediapen

fanfics

@silverstonesainz - you know i can never shut up about dani. i love every single piece of her writing dearly. the way she writes is beautiful and i would recommend any of her work (fics, insta aus, any).

@holllandtrash - the obsession i have with em's series is embarrassing. she somehow always gets me engrossed with the plot and ropes me in. again, amazing writing. currently obsessed w her 6 to 1 series (and dont get me started w her secret admin series).

@scuderiasundays - love love love love emme's insta aus. theyre so cute and fun, they always leave a warm feeling in my heart. it feeds my soul.

@schuvries - anything spirit writes gives me goosebumps. i need to continue her series but when i tell you her writing makes you feel. will recommend her through and through.

@lxclerc - i would recommmend any of their work. their writing makes my skin crawl (in the best way possible). call out my name & moth to a flame? it's embarassing how often i read that.

rambles

tbh i do not really follow any accounts for the rambles- although i do love some good chisme. i always enjoy reading posts from @champagnepodiums (and the amount of effort they put in the stats etc is astonishing), i also love what is posted on @sainz, and i love reading dom's (@sainzcaleruega's) reactions/tags (pure unhinged brainrot).

i do think most of the recommended people i have are quite known but i am obsessed with their work and content, but i hope i was a bit helpful <3

#vamossainz55 reccs #nik rambles #i hope some recommendations were helpful??#a literal insight into my brain #i hope you enjoy anon <3 #anon <3

41 notes · View notes

ashersanity · 4 months

Note

Hey, Asher. This is degenerate anon once again. Sorry for swarming your inbox with my asks 😭 I noticed you haven't been doing so well (because I may or may not be stalking your tags), and I just wanted to double-check, hope you're doing well. You're a pretty cool person and I'm kinda worried about your state Please, don't overwork yourself, whether it goes down to answering asks or other things like work or studies. We can wait as long as we have to for the first case, and you're a human too. What you do already is far more than enough I also just wanna remind you that you're awesome, and if anybody says otherwise, I'll punt them to the moon. I would have offered my inbox too, but I said some very embarrassing shit, there is absolutely no way I'm getting off anon, so all I can say is that I'll always be here for you, presence-wise. Eat and rest well today, you deserve a break (˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡) - Whitney's left tit- whoops, I meant... Degenerate anon :)

Lmfaooooo what. nah.

heavy vent. scroll past. thanks. →

Really, the last thing I really wanted when I made those posts was to worry anyone, not that I think I would but now I’m seeing a bunch of people suddenly reaching out to me and asking if I’m okay. I appreciate it a lot, really I do and you too, degenerate anon, for even bothering to ask when you could’ve scrolled past or played off those tags as shits n giggles since that’s what it sort of was in my head anyway. I wasn’t exactly in the best of states when I wrote those. Sometimes, rarely so, it gets so bad that I’m acting on impulse, sputtering out bullshit about wanting to end it right then and there, that it’d be better this way if I was never born at all. Its fucking hysterical how I play it off right after as if I didn’t just casually mention it a bit ago because truth is, I’m not okay yet I don’t want to reach out to anyone either in fear of being a bother and the vulnerability that comes with it. This whole persona of being obscenely horny for entertainment, unserious just for it to be a coping mechanism.

Not exactly sure why I’m laying it out all on you when you didn’t even ask for it, it’s selfish to do so but your ask just really made the words scramble and be put together in my brain as though I finally had the opportunity to answer the why to my question. Why the fuck am I like this. Why the fuck am I plagued with this utter crap of dealing with whatever the fuck this is. I don’t know what it really is, some have told me it’s depression and I’m simply in denial about it. Maybe I am. I’ve been through worse than this, especially in the lockdown though this somehow feels worser for no reason. I’m supposed to have gotten my shit together by then, moved out, new life, new place to settle in, new people, people who are actually kind and welcoming, regularly work out and whatnot.

I still feel like utter shit. I still feel like I’m not doing enough. To be honest, life is moving way too fucking fast for me, one day I’m still a young kid who’s spending his time all day at the park and the next I’m supposed to be a grown adult who’s got all his shit together by then, who has responsibilities, responsibilities that cannot be ignored nor pushed away no matter how much I try to run away from my problems. I know that it’s not that hard, at least, not compared to other people I’ve seen who have it so much harder and still manage through it all while I’m barely hanging on by a thread. It’s so pathetic, god. I need a shitty fictional character from a porn game to even cope about it but even then, there’s so much I can think about before reality hits me once more and I’m left to deal with my thoughts alone in the dark while my roommate is dozing away in the next room.

I hate it so much, I feel as though im not good enough no matter what I do, no matter what I try is simply not enough to measure to other people’s expectations or mines either, not that I think of myself much to begin with. Even when people tell me that what I do is good, wether it be art, writing, who I am as a whole, that they enjoy talking to me because I am who I am, reassured on my appearance too because no matter how many compliments I get I still feel like a monster hiding beneath a layer of flesh moulded to look like that of a human. I feel displaced. I feel as though I don’t belong. It’s not there’s nothing in the world for me, it’s simply I’m nothing for the world itself.

I’m a burden. It’s as simple as that, the amount of guilt that I feel when people express affection towards me, wether it be friends, family members, hell even romantic partners which I may or may not have rejected all from the horror of intimacy. Whenever they tell me they love me to my face, that they worry for me whenever I’m in a bad state, I can’t help the pit that fills my stomach nor the lump in my throat because I truly am undeserving of this fucking love. Give it someone else, please. Anyone but me because they need it more than I do, than whatever the fuck of a shitty person that I am.

I have it bad, so fucking bad that when someone hugged me today, I was practically burying my face in their shoulder and clinging onto dear life because by god, this is the only time I’ll ever allow myself such contact every time I push it away. Nearly burst into tears like a moron too even if I rarely do ever cry since it’s been ingrained in my head to never cry, boys don’t cry, he says, only sissies do and the last thing I wanna be is a pussy. Cried in front of him once as a kid and he told me to get my shit together and suck it up unless I wanna be beaten up in the adult world. So bad that someone actually caught me crying once and I quickly played it off as physical pain (recurring stomach ache) hurting me so bad that tears were spilling, frantically reassuring them that I’m good. Sometimes I do wonder, why i am the one to reassure others.

I know that if I actually reached out to the people that have offered, sought a therapist like a few people have recommended to, it would possibly get better or maybe not. It would probably do more good and I’d be able to sort through these feelings for sure but I won’t. I fucking won’t. I’ve gotten used to bottling up these feelings. Fuck, I’ve repressed them from years and it seems they’re finally spilling in this overly long ass post that no one will bother reading. That’s fine with me because I really need to say it out loud for once even if it’s written through text on a fucking platform called Tumblr where cock is more prevalent than someone’s fucking life.

I’m not okay. That’s the thing. I’m not fucking okay. I wish I could play it off as I usually do whenever people ask me such questions like “how are you” irl. I wish I could say it out loud, say it to their faces, say what I really am. I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay and I don’t think I’ll be okay soon either because I’ve not fucking okay for so long that it’s getting to me. I’m not okay. I’m miserable actually, I’m so fucking miserable that I wish I could just sleep forever and never wake up again. I’m so fucking miserable that there’s not a day that goes by where there’s this fleeting thought in the back of my mind that wonders, wonders how better it’d be if I were to disappear altogether, stop being a burden to those around me. I’m so fucking miserable that I didn’t even bother answering your well-intentioned question and instead am laying myself bare to the world on a shitty tumblr post. I’m so fucking miserable that I had to pause as I type this because it’s as though I’m finally admitting the obvious truth that I’ve been unwilling to say. I’m so fucking miserable that I just wish I could curl up into a ball and freely cry into someone’s lap, I wish I could fucking yell it even.

I’m not okay. I’m not fucking okay. No matter how much I say it in these written words it doesn’t seem to equal to the amount of times I had to muffle myself, clasp a hand over my mouth in the darkness of my room as a teenager so that my noisy parents don’t overhear my cries. I’m not fucking okay because even when I tell myself as an adult now, that I’m over it, I’m not. I’ve been going through it for so very long, willingly choosing to suffer in silence because it’s the easiest for me even if it will ruin me in the end. It’s already ruining me and eating me from the inside. I’d rather dump all of this crap on here than even say it to the people who’re close to me, asking about it.

I’m burnt out, I’m tired. I wish to rest but I can’t.

Because I think I’m fucking a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve such.

I hope you’re doing better than me, degenerate anon. Sincerely so, you deserve it and thanks for even asking again despite the few interactions we’ve had through asks. You’re my favorite anon for sure.

But ahah, im doing fine lmfao.

#LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #lmfao #lol #XD even #I’m so silly #so fucking close to losing it #aren’t we all? lololololol #cringe #dumb post #mentions of wanting to fucking kill my self #oops i guess?#degenerate anon #asher in the flesh #delete this shit rn

10 notes · View notes

materialgworlas · 11 months

Note

Hey Siri how long has it been Sense

Materialgworlas posted

Siri: playing material girls by saucy Santana on Apple Music

Me:pauses music

You get what I’m try to say tho bestie YOU HAVENT GAVE US ANY SAUCE WERES THE SAUCE Please hook a sister up post POST PLEASE

Visitors From The Future- Satoru Gojo x Fem!reader

Synopsis: M kinda loving the whole Y/n gojo roommate canon so imam stick w it for now. SO imagine like u n gojo be arguing again, over sumn domestic like the nasty mf leavin skid marks or smthg😭 AND THENNN yall interrupted by sm1 at the door and its future nanami n yo future kids w gojo (Cuz of some mission into da future that takes place in da past… uh… YK WHAT FUCK THE LOGISTICS MAN JUST ALLOW IT). And gojo be smug as hell cuz he already got a lil crush on u so knowing yall get busy in da future is a major confidence boost.

GOJO AF

And like u in denial cuz u been resisting the urge to jump in this blind mice ahh mf’s bones for AGES

YO MANS😫😫

anddddd u kinda feeling geto rn but yo kids r cute so u aint really complaining. And it’s just future nanami tired as hell cuz yo kids got gojo’s energeticness and ur stubbornness so they can’t be reasoned w😍

pov its bedtime🥰

JORDANA BBG HERE U GOOOOO😁 IM EXPECTING MY COMMISION IN DMS👹👹(yk what im talkin ab)

warning: uh da n-word? sm foul language, the readers black, gojo be simpin then foul at the end, poor suguru just wanted nyash, nanami deserves better than designated nanny AHAH GET IT NANANNY-MI REHEHEHE IM SO FUNNY-

☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

“I SWEAR TO GOD IMMA MURDER THIS FOOL!”

“Eughhhhh it’s not even that bad-“

“WDYM NOT THAT BAD MAN U SHAT UP THE WHOLE KITCHEN!!”

“Mf actin like its on the walls”

“…”

“What-“

“WHO THE FUCKKKK DO U THINK CLEANS THE DAMN APARTMENT GOJO!”

“Gojo?? I thought we were at that ‘Satoru’ level-“

“NIGGA STFU! Yo crusty ahh been fucking up my damn kitchen for WAY too long! Clean yo shit mf, last I checked slavery was over!”

“This is why we should get a maid.”

“WITH WHAT FUNDS!??!?! WE BROKE STUDENTS!”

“phhfft speak for yourself, im loaded.”

“Correction, was loaded. Until yo parents got tired of funding ur dookie lifestyle n cut you off.”

“…”

“reheh, gotcha nigga.”

“Ughhhhh I hate this.”

“Oh and u think I like wasting my breath?? Mf just clean the damn mess you made so ion have to yell.”

“yeah, u only be yelling for Suguru these days...”

“NIGGA WHAT??”

“…” “U WANNA SAY THAT TO MY FACE U POMPOUS CANT DO SHIT LIMP DICCK BEADY EYED FREAKK WITH YO WHITE HAIR GOT U LOOKING LIKE AN OLD ASS EGG HEADED SLENDER MAN! CLEAN YO MAN MESS OR FUCKING LEAVE!” you practically roared, heavily breathing whilst a shocked Gojo stared at your angered form

Great, now you’ve done it

“yk what fuck this shit, I’m heading out.” you huffed before storming off to your room to get changed

You always take things too far, don’t you satoru. And the worst part is I only made that mess cause I was tryna make that weird dish Y/n loves, but I fucked it up n got embarrassed. God I gotta let go of this petty crush, I mean- shes literally hooking up with my best friend, by definition that should make Y/n off limits. But I just… She just so smart n funny n GAHD DAYM THAT ASS PHATT- but all I manage to do is piss her off. EUGH curse these damn feelings! Maybe ill call hoe#2 later to de-stress, she doesn’t mind when I say the wrong name at least-

“You gon get the door or not!?”

Your yell from the other room had broken through Gojo’s thoughts, now aware of the ringing the 6’3 man lumbered to the door

“Oh yeh nanamin-“

“DADDY!”

Gojo’s greeting had been cut off by the shrill of the two young children that clung to Nanami’s frame, eagerly reaching out to touch him. “May we come inside.” The weary blond spoke, waiting patiently for his ‘friend’ to move aside allowing him to enter, the two infants in tow.

“who was at the door-“you padded into the living room, dressed much nicer than before, stopping short seeing your best friend, Nanami, and the two children in his arms. “Mini, who’s black babies are these” you chortled

“MAMA!” The children wailed, squirming hard enough to break free from Nanami’s hold and rush to you.

“The fu-“

“Y/N! no cussing in front of the kids!” Gojo hissed, you rolled your eyes but relented. Turing your attention to the children clinging to your legs

“these babies kidna cute.” You muttered

“I KNOW RIGHT!!” Gojo cooed, tickling the younger girl who let out a happy squeal

“I should hope you find your own children cute.” Nanami said, in his matter of fact tone, as if he aint dropped a phatt ass spoiler in yo lives.

“My own children- huh?”

“Yes, myself, Kasumi and Saku are from the future. They are your children.” Mf dropping bomb after bomb without a second thought THAT’S how tired he is.

OUR WHAT? KIDS? U MEAN I- SHITTT, I have so many questions! When do we get together? Are we still together?? Do we get married?? Wait he said from the future- just how far into the future we talking??? How long I gotta wait to dick Y/n down n make my Gojo army... Saku’s got Y/ns smile and Kasumi got her… well everything. Damn I really lucked out-

So many thoughts in Gojo’s head. Yet all he could muster was,

“Huh… come to think of it you do look a lil older to how I remember.” Trying to keep his composure whilst he did internal backflips

Our kids? You mean me and this dusty- who am I kidding GORGEOUS idiot fuck?? AND I POP OUT TWO OF HIS EGG HEADED BABIES?? I mean, when?? Where?? why?? I mean sure the niggas fine but uh me n Geto kinda… well its complicated. But DAMN if these babies aren’t the cutest lil shit I ever seen. Saku’s got Gojos big ahh blue bug eyes but he makes em work w his brown skin n adorable lil afro… he can’t be more than 6 I’d say. AND OH MY LIFE KASUMI IS ADORABLE EHEHEH, she gets her cuteness from her mama let’s not lie but her beautiful curled her got white locks that fit her so well. Ehehe yk what, I’m not mad.

“Mama, no angy?” Kasumi babbled

“Huh- why would I be angry??”

“C-cause we twied to make (insert favourite food🥰) n-nd made biggggggggggg mess.” Saku said, peering at you with those beautiful blue eyes.

“Dadda’s dia!” Kasumi pointed to Gojo who picked up the happy girl

“Dadda’s what?” he hummed

“SUMI’S RIGHT W-WE ONLY DID IT CAUSE-BECAUSE DADDY SAID YOU’D LIKE IT!”

Gojo rn:🧍🏾‍♀️

“You were tryna make (favourite food)? N made a big mess…” now u aint the brightess when it comes to this shit but even you could connect the dots.

Now the famous Satoru Gojo, strongest sorcerer, was shying away from the knowing look you gave him. his cheeks dusted with an embarrassing amount of pink as he used Kasumi’s chubby body to shield himself.

YOU AF

Your cute lil moment was cut short by Nanami’s haggard snores, the poor man was sprawled on your couch. If it weren’t for his aggressive ass noises, you’d think the mf was dead😭

“Um- er, well they can’t exactly leave until Nanami’s awake…” Gojo started

“True, and it’d be cruel to wake him… he looks so tired.”

“…I guess we’ll have to look after the kids until he wakes up🥳🥳🥳. Oh well, HEY- who wants to teleport to Uncle Suguru n tell him the good news!!”

“Gojo you’re foul-“

“MEEEE!” Saku and Kasumi yelled in unison

“ALRIGHT LETS GO!😁”

GETO WHILE GOJO BE PARADING HIS HAPPY LIL FAMILY ON HIS LAWN

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ik its been a hot minute yall but dw ur warrior @jordanahart been on my ass everyday to post dis 😔✊🏾 1 man army fr

28 notes · View notes

lindszeppelin · 6 months

Note

wait, how did she react to shirtgate 🫢 do tell

i think you're familiar with the whole situation when they were in australia (idk when in the timeline this was...i think it was before filming ever started when covid happened). and she was wearing austin's shirt, the floral button down one. she posted that picture to her socials but when fans started piecing the puzzle together that it was austin's shirt she deleted it. and she started going around to any of the fan accounts that had the photo to delete it and tried to pretend it never happened. plus the whole thing where apparently she was on social and she liked someone's comment that said something to the effect of "he doesn't deserve her, she deserves better than him" and the him being austin lol.

if you wanna believe the theory that they had a fling and olivia posted that shirt pic on purpose to stir the pot then that is one way people go. or if you wanna believe the other side where you don't think the had a fling but she posted the shirt pic to give people the suggestion that they did, then that's the other side. im of the belief they never had any sort of fling. but regardless she for sure knew what she was doing when she posted that pic. im sure word got back around to austin, at least i hope not, and im sure he was so embarrassed. the man was having an identity crisis for crying out loud, and she goes ahead and does this childish shit. just piles on more bs for him to deal with at that time.

9 notes · View notes

doomsdayradio · 1 year

Text

!! THIS POST IS ABOUT CDD SYSTEMS WHEN I SAY SYSTEM I MEAN CDD SYSTEMS ENDOS IM BEGGING FOR MY LIFE RN😭😭😭 !! /lh

i feel like we should eventually talk about how the culture around dating in online system spaces is kinda weird?

like i'll be honest, the idea of like dating applications is weird to me in general personally as someone who's on the aromantic spectrum, but i can't help but feel extra weirded out when i see those kind of partner system applications.

i feel like maybe looking for random people on the internet to date with the first and foremost thing you're mentioning being that you have a severe trauma disorder is kind of. dangerous? and? not a good idea? and i have to emphasize that if you do this kind of thing and someone does end up hurting you, that is in no way at all your fault, that is completely on them and you did not deserve that, i just think we should be talking about the safety precautions of this kind of thing.

abuse survivors are very likely to be abused again later in life and just because someone else is a fellow system/trauma survivor doesn't automatically mean they're a safe person who has your best interest at heart. like it feels like a situation where it's very easy to be taken advantage of. i also feel like this kind of partner system applications thing is more common among younger systems who most likely haven't gone through recovery and might still have a skewed view on how healthy relationships and connections work.

and at the heart of this, i feel like that is a big thing, that the system community is by default made up of extremely traumatized individuals. i'll be the first to admit that making connections isn't easy, our biggest social issues consist of a fear of/inherent feeling of embarrassment so intense we literally feel embarrassment by just existing in front of other people, but i don't feel like this whole applications thing is the best way to go about it?

i also feel like this sometimes can go hand in hand with like. fictive dating and source calls? i feel like some introjects specifically go out of their way to find another introject of the person their source dated and, again, that can be dangerous and not work out well because at the end of the day, you don't actually know that person that well? introjects aren't their source and source seperation needs to be made to a certain degree during recovery and healing, this kind of thing feels like it's encouraging introjects to not view themselves as seperate from their source.

and this isn't to say that it's wrong like if an introject meets another introject who just so happens to be from their source and they click as individuals and they date i mean hell we have parts in our sys like that, i'm specifically talking about introjects who only date other introjects because they share a source.

im not really sure how to close this out and this is mainly a ramble just to get my thoughts out because i've been thinking about it over the last couple days feel free to add on or ignore or wtv lol

btw this isn't meant to be judgemental towards anyone and im genuinely sorry if it comes off that way, i just wanted to throw out my thoughts on some parts of the system community i've seen that seem like. off.

#words words words !!#🧋#syscourse #syscourse neutral #syscourse unaligned

20 notes · View notes