#im sick and tired and idk lmao

[virtue-and-beneviolence]

Midnight Snack

You catch Shuji's eye in the library at uni and he absolutely must take you out.

Just some shuji fluff for the dash. He's a little weird here sorry lmao. Reader is grumpy and tired. Unproofread.

Shuji can't get enough of you. He has a nasty (though endearing) habit of staring.

It's actually how you met.

In the library at uni, trying to get away from noisy roommates and distractions, you sat yourself in a gloomy corner, eyes hazy and unfocused on the article you were "reading."

Until movement caught your eye.

You don't see him at first, the playful fuck. He ducks behind a DiffyQ textbook that, looking back, definitely isn't his. You pay no mind. Whatever. Let the motherfucker stare, you've got shit due tonight. It's not like you're unaccustomed to annoying attention from men and their "you'd look so much better if you smiled" bullshit.

Fuck. You got yourself in a mood now.

Like clockwork, a tuft of grown-out bleached hair and a pair of golden eyes peeks out hoping to catch yours without detection. You snap in his directions and he ducks again. You swear to God you hear a giggle and the rustling thud of a heel knocking into a limb.

When you look, no, glare back, the decoy textbook is down and he's smiling, wide and goofy (and rubbing his shin). You raise a brow and go back to your work, fruitlessly, because he takes the acknowledgement as an invitation. Before you know it hes dragging a heavy wooden chair loudly and sitting across from you.

He's tall. He's huge, really. He's objectively rather gorgeous with a nice jawline and lively eyes that study you, like you're the only thing, even in a building full of decades and decades of knowledge, worth studying.

"Can I fucking help you?"

"i think you can."

"I've got a deadline in 2 hours, make it quick."

"Let me take you for a late night meal. A reward for finishing your....school thing." You almost want to laugh. School thing? Does he even go here? He must sense the shift in mood and it further boosts his confidence. "Come on," he lets the word wobble like a kid pushing their luck, "you're the coolest girl in this place, let me show you a good time."

You can't place it exactly, maybe it's in the wiggle of his eyebrows or the groan of secondhand embarrassment from his friend not far away, but you get a relatively innocent vibe. You turn him away with a terse, maybe and watch as he wanders back to his friend, bounce in his step and high on premature victory.

His gaze isn't as heavy for the duration of your time there. He busies himself with doodles in the margins of Kisaki's work that he thought was math, but maybe is actually Greek; Shuji doesn't care. He's got an absolute beauty on his mind.

He's enraptured by her. Her focused scowl and the way her eyes narrow at the screen. The way her lips purse around the straw of what once was probably iced coffee. The art in her skin that he can see until the aircon kicks on and she puts another layer back on. Shuji is reminded in that moment that he hates the cold so, so much, and even more now that it's stolen away a part of the art he'd been admiring.

He huffs and loses himself if scribbling whatever comes to mind to kill time. He misses you packing your things quietly, work completed just before the deadline and he jumps to cover his scribbles when you clear your throat.

"I'm hungry."

"Hi hungry, I'm Hanma."

You groan, "Actually I'm leaving."

"Come on it was funny!"

"Are you twelve?"

You bicker with the cute giant the whole way out of the library with a smile tugging at your lips. You'd seen the scribbles, he wasn't slick.

Variations of, "God she's kind of insanely pretty. No seriously she's so pretty" up and down the margins. This guy was kind of embarrassing, silly, a wildcard, and well, those are the best people to eat fast food with at 11:59 pm.

It's the first of many midnight snacks.

Yeah that's right bitch this one's for you @sin-and-punishment shuji is down bad for you and I will not be told otherwise.

#sorry I gave reader a tude #im sick and tired and idk lmao #anyway its my fave situation so idk just roll with it maybe #hanma shuji x reader #hanma shuji fluff #i just wanted to think abt shuji falling pathetically for the pretty alty girl at thw library #hanma shuji~❤️ #hanma shuji scenarios #hanma shuji

[lighthouseas]

will sneaking mike in through his bedroom window so they can make out. and it's all well and good yk they're giggling and kissing but then hopper decides to check on will because it's like 11 pm and he's making so much noise and, in a bout of desperation whilst hopper is opening his door, will shoves mike off of his bed and onto the hardwood floor so hopper can't see him.

and like. hop knows INSTANTLY what's up (he already knows at this point that will and mike are dating) because will has a dopey lil smile on his face and a hickey forming on his neck and his clothes are all ruffled right. but hopper plays it off, asks will if he's okay, will says he is. alright then. hopper leaves. he knows mike is definitely somewhere in the house. probably with a forming bruise from the bump he heard.

unfortunately, will shoving mike off of the bed so abruptly did, in fact, give him a bump on his forehead, so he goes downstairs to get ice for it.

hop is downstairs, too, sipping coffee and watching as mike pulls a bag of peas from the freezer (mike doesn't notice him at first) and subsequently grumbles a, "hey, mike. fall off the bed again?" from the dining table. mike very nearly shits his pants.

(hop let's him stay, though, on the condition that there will be no "funny business".)

#this happened trust me i was the peas #idk what this is. im so tired guys lmao #im not rereading it but like theres probably grammatical mistakes its fine #can utlel im sick or ah #*nah #stranger things #byler #mike wheeler #will byers #jim hopper #st.txt

[soupmanspeaks]

you ever wonder if the Glamrocks's face tracking acts up when they look at Glamrock-Freddy, like they'll look at his face, and the recognition will register as Freddy, but their systems for whatever reason or another think that there is a face overlapped on Freddy's do you think they see two small squares next to him, at his side, roughly child sized, but no one is physically there.... right...?

#fnaf #michael afton #five nights at freddy’s #glammike #crying child #elizabeth afton #i wanted to allude something to william but idk #would the glamrocks go into the sinkhole? maybe #maybe next to glamrock freddy alongside the weird overlapping face he has and the two kid height faces #there is a face tracking box next to him...standing #remember that post about the ghost hunters comin to the pizza plex? maybe the weird face tracking happens too... #im watching garret watts and Andrew's constant facial tracking anomalies inspired this post lol #anyways i really like the thought that despite being the most friendly Glamrock; Freddy has this......feeling about him #his AI was made just this year! programmed with cutting edge and top of the line technology! #then....then why does he go off script sometimes? why does he say things that wasn't programmed show dialogue? #how does he know about Mr. Afton? the killer from the 80's who committed heinous deeds? #Why does he speak as if he knew him personally? if his AI is just pulling stuff from online; Why does he speak with resentment about him? #IM SORRY I JUST LOVE THE CONCEPT!! #like just because this franchise has gotten more neon and sugery than ever; remember; lights can be blinding and sugar causes cavities #idk what that means just omg there is more horror potential than you think in the SB era of games if you look hard enough #off topic but back to freddy being a sweetie pie i think that its funny okay #freddy sasses adults okay okay but he isnt mean to kids okay maybe michael just idk; MATURED? maybe he just got some whimsy mkay? #listen if i was forced to be in a perpetual cycle of atoning for my own and my father's sins i would find any and all silver linings mkay #aw yeah this is sick i get to be a freddy mercury inspired glamrock bear WOOO #granted michael was probably tired of animatronic bands and pizza by fnaf 6 but ykkkkkkkk it.....could be worse? he could be his dad lmao #anyways headcannon michael listend to freddy mercury and this is the equivalent of cosplaying him scott told me so (trust) #tag rambles! theyre fun lol

[anxiously-sidequesting]

My Personal Shadow Magic Headcanons - "Shadow Sickness"

I'm so autistic and lazy so here's another weirdly-worded headcanons post from me at 4 AM (lmk if I need to tag this as anything specific btw

What I'm personally calling "Shadow Sickness" is the official, prolonged version of Backlash - adverse effects that target the practitioner even outside of the duel circle and in their everyday lives. While "Backlash" refers to the immediate and spontaneous barrage of attacks that takes place after a Shadow spell, "Shadow Sickness" is the gradual deterioration of the practitioner's mind, body, and soul. True to the name, this effect likens more to an illness, a virus; something that's alive and slowly takes over until there is nothing healthy left behind. The symptoms are emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual.

While regular Magic has life force within it, Shadow Magic is the only type of magic that can be considered "sentient". Not a thinking being with goals and plans, but something living and breathing with the most basic instincts. It's what's considered "Chaotic" and dangerous about it - the Wizard bends and controls regular Magic, but Shadow Magic can bend and control the Wizard. It is the only type of magic that can "fight back" in its own way.

This sentience is what allows for Shadow Sickness and Backlash to happen - these are purely just the results of it "fighting back". The Shadow Magic is reacting to the practitioner. It's acting by its nature by rearing its head back and snapping the hand that controls it. If the practitioner is NOT sound and secure in their mental, physical, and spiritual health, then Backlash and Shadow Sickness can cause even more adverse effects within the Wizard and as a result can suffer more severely.

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness can vary between physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The "virus" affects every single aspect of the being, down to their very life. The severity of these symptoms can also vary depending on certain variables. Unlike a true virus, Shadow Sickness has no "incubation period" and can flare up at any time during which the Wizard is practicing Shadow Magic. These symptoms include:

Physical scarring (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual) - one of the only symptoms that comprise of all four categories. Scars may appear on the Wizard's body that take various shapes and forms: most commonly taken after that individual's unsolved trauma. This includes old grudges, previous serious injuries that have not healed correctly, repressed memories, obsessions and delusions, etc. No two scars look the same (i.e. two different wizards who have a fear of spiders will have scars that look entirely different from the other). Depending on the severity these scars can cause physical discomfort (tingling, numbness, pain, leathery skin, decay/cellular deterioration) and can greatly impact how the Wizard looks to others to how the Wizard can move around.

Involuntary movements (physical, mental, spiritual) - the Wizard may begin suffering from accidental and spontaneous gestures and movement that is either randomized or triggered. This can include loss of coordination, disorientation, mini seizures, jerks and spasms, etc. Other than being physically affected, the Wizard is not suffering from any medical emergencies. The individual is fully conscious and aware when this happens and depending on the severity, can recover seconds after. This is one of the only symptoms where others could be harmed due to a wayward hand that comes flying out by accident. There is also a magical version of this, where involuntary spells or bursts of magic can be cast spontaneously (hence the 'spiritual' aspects of this symptom as mana comes from the soul). Usually these magical bursts are Shadow Magic and not the Wizard's primary or secondary Magic abilities. (Another involuntary trait recorded is the Wizard suddenly switching to an ancient "Shadow Language" in mid-speech.)

Hallucinations (physical, mental) - the Wizard may begin to experience things that cannot be detected by any other individual. Usually these hallucinations start out as smells or taste first, but there are reports of the Wizard hearing, sensing, and even seeing things to start out with. Contrary to popular belief not all hallucinations are violent or even turn out to be that way, some reports even describe them as pleasant. Hallucinations vary from each Wizard even with those who share the same traumas or fears. Depending on the severity of the symptoms, the Wizard can either be fully aware or completely immersed within them. Since these are only hallucinations they cannot harm the Wizard but can cause further deterioration to the mind.

Depleted energy/"Mana Loss" (physical, spiritual) - as the Shadow Sickness takes hold, eventually the Wizard will be slowly sapped of strength and magical energy. THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM IF THE WIZARD IS SKILLED IN SHADOW MAGIC. A Wizard can practice Shadow Magic and still NOT be affected by this. Since Shadow Magic "takes", Shadow Sickness does the same and gradually depletes the Wizard's energy. Like how Backlash takes health in a duel, Shadow Sickness takes your life. This is the only symptom that is constant in all cases of Shadow Sickness. Not only will the ability to cast spells be taken away, but overall physical health will suffer as well and the individual is more susceptible to regular diseases due to a compromised immune system. This symptom only appears in the very last stages of Shadow Sickness and is the last symptom of the individual experiences in their lifetime.

Tulpas (emotional, mental, spiritual) - contrasting hallucinations, Tulpas are the Wizard's visions made real. A Tulpa (from Shadow Sickness) is a physical and magical manifestation of the Wizard suffering from the Shadow "virus". Although it is born from the subconscious of another being, it is a separate entity all its own and has the ability to make decisions and have feelings and desires. However, these feelings and desires are not really of their own and reflect the Wizard's subconscious fears and threat responses. (i.e. our Azteca Tulpa in Khrysalis that formed due to unresolved survivor's guilt. Its "goal" was to destroy us and fully consume us within itself, similar to how guilt behaves in reality). Tulpas can either be created from visions, nightmares, intense and obsessive thoughts, or even previous hallucinations.

Can Shadow Sickness be reversed, or cured?

Shadow Sickness can be reversed, yes, or more commonly halted. Unless the Wizard is fully submersed in their mental and spiritual anguish ((Malistaire even though he wasn't using shadow magic; Morganthe even though that wasn't what killed her)) Shadow Sickness can be stopped. The road to recovery varies wildly from each person so there is no set "recovery time" in which you are expected to be fully healed. It is your own journey and it is ultimately your say whether or not you are better. Clinically, recovery can be sorted between these categories

HALTED: In which the Shadow Sickness is no longer infecting the individual but the symptoms may still persist. These symptoms do not get worse or better, but the Wizard's mind is clear and their soul is at peace. Wizards may either learn to live comfortably and adapt with their Halted condition or could continue to strive for partial or full recovery.

PARTIAL RECOVERY: In which the Shadow Sickness is reversed slightly or moderately. The effects are not all the way gone but are measured to be better than when the Wizard was still infected. In this state any severe symptoms the Wizard is experiencing are now moderate or slight, or less frequent. Just like in the Halted category, the Wizard is sound of mind, body, and soul.

FULL RECOVERY: In which Shadow Sickness is totally reversed and there are no more symptoms that persist. Full, 100% recovery is actually quite rare in the Spiral and a lot of scholars consider the Full Recovery to count as "70% or more reduced" - meaning the symptoms are very slight and few and far in between. Technically this is still a Partial Recovery but due to the above fact and how difficult it is to reverse Shadow Sickness, 'Full Recovery' is an umbrella term. Some individuals even claim Full Recovery even if their symptoms are moderate, because their mind and soul are no longer diseased.

ONE LAST FACT TO LEAVE OFF WITH: Not every Wizard who practices Shadow Magic suffers from Shadow Sickness, and alternatively even the most skilled Shadowmage can develop Shadow Sickness.

okay this took days. bye hope you liked this

#btw tagging some of these symptoms jic theyre triggering to some #tw seizures #tw hallucinations #lmk if i need to tag anything else #BUT YEAH THIS IS IT #i got lazy at the end but i def wanna expand on this #a few things i wanna talk about more in depth: the 'shadow language' thing and the 'mana comes from the soul' thing #BUT THIS WAS SUPER FUN TO MAKE #giving holly even MORE trauma #due to canon reasons and because i love suffering holly isnt even in the “halted” category #theyre still suffering from ongoing shadow sickness. its progressing a hell of a lot slower than others but shes def feeling it #due to ambrose's thinky veiled threat of always being watched and everyone else unintentionally- #-brushing aside holly's health the shadow sickness remains undetected #except for velma. she sees that shit #but since holly is the master of bottling things up theyre like “ahaha what virus” (throws up black blood) #holly has the scarring as the worst symptom and has a few specific scars i wanna talk about in another post #but they also suffer from hallucinations and the shadow language thing #since holly is unintentionally holding off the worst of the Sickness she doesnt have the mana depletion yet #i think i forgot like maybe one or two symptoms but im so tired ugh. this is all yall are getting for now LMAO #idk if this is even a good post. im proud of it #one symptom i forgot to mention is madness. or i think thats the end result same as depletion #its what morganthe suffered dueing the end of her life as a giant apider creature she just fully succumbed to the madness #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts

[sophiethewitch1]

in my hater era

#sophie speaks #tw vent #like. what. what??? #i do try not to upset anyone with trauma dumping or whatever but sometimes that bites me in the ass because people assume I'm not strugglin #struggling hugely #had one of my most violent meltdowns ever recently and it was after pushing myself to do something #and you know. thats on me #but saying like #im NOT trying?? #i dont want to start any problems but oh my GOD what do you think being sick constantly does to a person #what??? #trying to be a proper adult here but i am quite upset #idk how are you supposed to deal with shit like this #express this has upset you and that you are having a hard time #but then they dont believe you?? #trauma dump it is. hope you enjoy my psychiatrists notes #like im level 2 support needs autistic. i need a little fucking leeway or i genuinely try to kill myself #i KNOW its pathetic i KNOW its weak but my number one priority is keep myself alive #im so tired #ive been suicidal for like 7 years now #my life sucks so incredibly hard and I'm in constant pain and that just #it doesnt make me willing to deal with this shit #cripplepunk core lmao #cripple and im going to kill you #this is just geniunely upsetting #i feel like i need a good cry #i really am so tired #i feel like i just dont want to do this #why am i paying for this? why am i doing this? #if im not enjoying this why the fuck would i do it

[hayaku14]

kaishin au where kaito unwillingly received immortality from pandora. kaito is torn and broken upon the burden of eternal life. shinichi promises to stay with him forever. to do so, he drinks aptx 4869 every 10 years.

years go by and soon everyone in their life passes. kaito and shinichi learned how to create the poison from haibara before she left the world as well. but though it works in consistently turning back time for shinichi, it is still a deadly poison. accumulated, it slowly weakens him.

as shinichi's body slowly deteriorates, the poison chipping away at his life, kaito spirals. once again, torn and broken, kaito is desperate. feeling this to be their last years together, he decides to find a way to stay with shinichi forever.

a way to reverse his immortality.

a way to die together.

#kaishin #dcmk #detective conan #kudou shinichi #kuroba kaito #dc prattles #dont look at me idk why but this angst came out of fucking nowhere too #this came into my brain and i had to vomit it all here or else it'll plague my mind and die there #i actually wrote that they have half a century left but ig it's better to leave it vague #i think at one point they would have to fake their deaths #but shinichi's body couldnt possibly handle changing back and forth if he's past his 50s right? #what im trying to say is that make this au extra angsty by making them fake their deaths in their late 20s or early 30s #this is haibara's advice as someone who knows shinichi's biology the most and how the poison works #they could probably tell their close friends and family though (making it less angsty cause i remembered i am GODS WEAKEST SOLDIER) #lowkey shinichi at the point where kaito decides to look for a way to immortality is already either bed ridden #on a wheelchair #or at least cant run anymore and is easily tired #(THIS AU IS JUST AN ELABORATE SICK FIC AND MY ADDICTION TO TIRED SHINICHI SHOWING) #changed aptx 4689 to 4869! im sorry i wrote this at 2 am lmao

[bunnihearted]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head; #im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out. #like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to :// #i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool. #then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway.. #im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀 #im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks. #but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

[diancite]

perhaps this is a lukewarm take to some, but i hate the whole "what if volo IS cynthia" headcanon thing. it is far funnier for them to coexist and for volo to be cynthias weird immortal grandparent/uncle figure

#pokemon #wont tag w da characters #Like it's just my own opinion but. As an au? Sure fine. But tryna pass it off as realistic within canon.. #No thanks... #idk im just sick of seeing p//l/a content all the time when i just wanna see cynthia #It was cool when it came out but it's long passed its charm point for me #It just feels so... dismissive??? of cynthia as a character #like let her be her own fucking person 😭😭😭 #PLUS imagine the comedy potential of them interacting in modern times. #volo mostly being chilled out but learning that cynthia really is gods favorite and getting a bit mad. #Hes miffed. Only a little angry. (coping) #anyway this is just a little rant im just soo tired of seeing this stuff everywhere lmao

[in-the-sweet-november-rain]

god i hate my damn school 😭

#vicki's shit #like they find EVERY fucking reason to torture me its insane #and like make fun of my parents and my family #LIKE HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY FAMILY?? #who are you to comment on that? #“she's only here cuz she has good grades and plays instruments” yes. yes i am #HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING THE VIOLIN FOR 7 SEVEN FUCKING YEARS? HAVE YOU PATRICK??! DIDNT' THINK SO! #like im so sick and tired of adhering to the expectations that society has of me #like i will ALWAYS be the lonely depressed girl that doesn't wear makeup much and #doesn't have the money or the desire to buy chanel or whatever fucking brand and #has puffy hair and listens to weird music and doesn't have friends #like i have friends i think i have a really close one #but idk anymore #we used to be rly close- now they're slowly turning into one of THOSE girls and is invited to the parties i'm never invited to </3 #its just hurts yknow? #it hurts knowing you'll never be like them #cuz it feels nice to be wanted #and i'm not. #anyways sry lmao #no ones gonna fucking read this lol #if you're here reading this thanks <3 and i love you

[danielnelsen]

always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds

#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN #personal #im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so #im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so. #the energy’s doing Great #and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing #genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed???????? #i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then #im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms #usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way #but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with #so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare? #still more sick than i’ve been in……..years? #im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week #this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer #hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!! #and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like— #starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis #im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune #i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months #idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)

[piplupod]

mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.) #and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama'' #number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that! #im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP. #i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.'' #and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/'' #mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!! #i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!! #i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!! #i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!! #or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

[catfishofoldin99colours]

no one kills my desert duo love faster than grian himself lmao

#catfish speaks #sorry not sorry he's just So mean and nasty sometimes #i know tis a joke and he loves scar really but like. bruh would it kill you to be Nice to him on camera #idk i just don't enjoy the vibes when grian's being a shit to him #yes im being exceedingly parasocial about this #yes this is direct contrast to me 'jimmy isn't bullied' thoughts #idc. desert duo is Everywhere during life series and its fucking annoying #seeing people moaning about them being lost lovers or whatever when grian won't even talk to scar half the time #tbh this is why i go for redscape more cos at least mumbo is polite to scar #anyway this is just me complaining cos im sick and tired #don't take this as like a stance to put stock into its not worth it lmao #i just know if i ever got to know grian irl id come for his ass and tell him to be fucking nice for once #i know i wouldn't stand for the way he talks #im sensitive. be nice for fucks sake. not that hard

[redysetdare]

Monkie kid sure does have a pattern of having untrustworthy characters (often antagonists/villains) give us information about Wukong, who they all seem to have grudges against and disdain for and then never give us Wukong's point of view leaving the fandom to fall into the trap of hating Wukong which is exactly what these antagonists are wanting.

#text #idk im getting real fucking sick of the fact they keep hiding wukongs story #and then only telling us it through ppl who hate him and have every reason to warp what happened to make themselves look justified #idk maybe stop telling your story through villains and start showing it through neutral sources #or hell just give us wukongs side so we have SOMETHING else #this show is literally just 'lets make wukong look like the WORST person and never clear that up lmao' #it happened with Macaque it's apparently happening in s4 #im so fucking tired man #it feels like pink diamond all over again uggghh

[onewingedangels]

I respect every gif maker who is dealing with those people who is defending mp4 format update on gifs just because the app would "stop crashing" their precious cellphones and it will be "ideal" for the mobile user base because my anger issues would never...

#personal #im fcking sick and tired yall #also ''adding one transparency pixel to keep the gif format'' #is the most dumbest idea and excuse from the staff #like if you still keeping some gifs as gifs #maybe just leave the gifs alone and let them be how they always were #idk if im making sense im too damn tired and angry #*transparent pixel #lmao you get what I said agagzgzh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i genuinely cant think of anything i want for Christmas. maybe skin tone copics but that's literally the only thing #im like the worst person to do things for honestly. there r so many rules and the things i want r so specific that its really not worth it #like i already have too much stuff. the amount of stuff i have rn in this tiny apartment stresses me out #i dont need more. i only work and draw so like i really dont need anything??? #so i honestly dont kno wtf to tell my family. like idk give me 25 bucks and ill buy a game on steam #except i wanna get games when break starts and now after Christmas so actually dont do that #idk just dont buy me anything. and dont make me buy anything. im already spiraling #and i might b moving across the fucking ocean in the next year so like idk i dont need more stuff #uuuugh im just avoiding doing things. like interview practice. and writing. and lab work #im just tired. maybe ill go to bed at like 9 lmao. avoid my problems until tomorrow #i would like to be excused from Christmas on account of having a breakdown. or just being a whiny brat #i really need to practice for the interview. bc im underqualified so i need to pretend it hasnt been 4 years since itook molecular genetics #and that i totally absolutely know lots about photosynthesis. definitely absolutely know what im doing. can i read? yes absolutely i can #understand words. ive never been sick in the head ever in my life and its a miracle. so pls give me money #uuuuuuuugh y brain? y dont u listen to me??? we have tasks! do them! pls! #unrelated

[storm-of-feathers]

playing with god by pouring out nyquil and whatever comes out is what i take

#im combining it with a couple other things #which you generally shouldn't do but god if i die i die #and its mucinex which. holy shit idk what they put in that stuff #but for a good and calm 20 minutes earlier i was fine #anyways #ill be sleeping soon probably or at least trying to #but in the meantime im trying to figure out my blanket arrangement here #my fever capped out around 102 but its come back down #but im like swinging wildly between reliving the time i was on a fire and reliving the time i fell through ice #and i HATE IT #god i hate being sick sm the last three years have spoiled me tbh #bc of masks and vaccines and not going outside and the like #i almost never get sick anymore #but i was recently in a crowded boy scouts hall (with a mask dwdw) for my dad #and man. something got me #and ofc combine that with only having slept ab 5% of this weekend lmao #anyways pray for me im so tired and sick :( #they call me mr blue the way im sore and sick and sad for some reason