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alienaiver · 2 years

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Of all the ugly parts;

Sakusa Kiyoomi x gn!reader

warnings: descriptions of self-loathing and general insecurities - let me know if i missed anything tho! wordcount: 1.3k content: vent piece, genderneutral reader, happy ending, mild angst, hurt/comfort, character study, healthy communication, fluff, mentions of a wedding but like not as a plot point!

notes: this is honestly just a vent piece! i’m not entirely sure what the entire point of it was but i relate deeply to sakusa on some levels and he was a good outlet for some emotions! this is the first time i’ve written for him tho, so i hope i did him justice! thank you for reading!

”No one likes when you’re in that mood.”

He doesn’t, either.

“You should practice becoming more palatable to the world.”

He thinks so, too.

Sakusa isn’t a stranger to negative comments about him – he learned to brush them off at an early age, deciding his own comfort came before anyone else’s and that he’d meet the right people one day.

And meet the right people? He did – as he thinks about how the MSBY Jackals all treat him well and with love despite his uglier parts and he thinks about you, grumpy and sleepy in the bed next to him before he goes for mornings runs.

But sometimes he explodes. He explodes and collapses in on himself and even the people who treat him with such love and care gets caught in the downfall and he isn’t a stranger to see the hurt flash in your eyes when he reacts outwardly and hits you with venom.

It wasn’t even your fault, really. He’d gotten a call from his mother earlier that day, already clouding up his mind with irritableness and the experience of an itch he wanted to scratch to blood. It’s game season but practice had gone like shit, none of his hits making any sense and he needed to do way more penalty dives than he thought was necessary for a pro volleyball player.

So when he got home and you’d emptied his dishwasher for him but put the forks and spoons in the wrong place, he couldn’t hold back the bile that’d been steadily growing in his esophagus throughout the entire day and spat it out right onto your own, unsuspecting face.

It’s not fair.

It’s not fair that he met you and you made him think he was anywhere near worthy of your love. It’s not fair to you that he’s so difficult and spoiled and narcissistic and has a tendency to spiral into this gooey, dark mess of a person.

So here he is, by the riverbank, reconsidering every life choice he’s ever made and reminded of all the angry, disappointed sentences thrown at him when he was younger and suddenly he realizes something,

They were all right about him.

He clicks his tongue and fists his hand into the grass beneath him, only then realizing that he’s willingly placed himself on the ground. Him, on the ground.

He does a breathing exercise – one that you taught him, seven in, hold for six and nine out- it’s supposed to help, right?

“You’re doing great,”

He’s thrown out of his concentration by the warmth of your voice next to him, the gentleness in your voice so easily spotted and so easily embracing him – he’s relaxing his shoulders instantly.

“My boss yelled at me today,” you start, situating yourself comfortably on the grass, “but then at lunch, it was Margot’s birthday. She pulled me aside after the cake and told me our boss is full of crap,” you laugh and Sakusa realizes what you’re doing, “I also met a dog after I got out of the supermarket! I was allowed to pet it and it was so nice, wanted to lick my face so bad.”

You reach out a hand tentatively towards his, “how was your day?”

Sakusa sighs and retracts his hand from the grass. He ignores his own grimace at the action,

“I’m not a good person.”

You hum and place both your hands on your lap, “and I’m not… easy, or lovable. I wasn’t a lovable single and I am definitely not a lovable boyfriend.”

For a while you don’t say anything and Sakusa’s not sure what else to tell you.

“The first time we met, you told me I smelled like shit.”

Sakusa winces and while he’ll never admit it, he’s currently fighting to hold back tears – keep them behind his lash line and safely stored away. Letting them drop was not an option, “and the second time we met you asked Komori why he’d brought me.”

You laugh at these memories and Sakusa wants to yell – he wants to get up and scream at the top of his lungs that you need to leave him, that he didn’t turn into the palatable adult everyone wanted him to become and that his intricate made-up rules is clearly affecting how this relationship is going to go, how you deserve someone so much better, but then you add, “but the third time we met was on the crowded train, where you noticed my panic attack. You got me out of the train and helped me calm down and then you walked me home.”

“Remember the fourth?” you ask after a moment of silence and dumbfounded, he can only shake his head, still unable to look directly at you, “you came to my place the day after with some snacks and a Ghibli movie, telling me how Whisper of the Heart always makes you feel like it’s going to be okay. You’d spent 45 minutes in the convenience store choosing snacks because you didn’t know which I liked,”

You sigh out and a nostalgic smile graces your features, your lips reaching your eyes at this point. Sakusa’s always loved that smile. “The other day you made me a cup of tea when I stressed about that meeting and you didn’t even reprimand me for not rinsing my plate after dinner. Yesterday, you didn’t come after me for not hanging my towel on the rack to the left of the sink.”

You reach for his hand again and this time, though with a flinch, he lets you take it. He notices how warm it is compared to his and he thinks he must’ve sat out here for a while before you came after him. You always did know how to handle his outbursts. Give him time to cool down and then talk,

“I love you, Kiyoomi. I don’t want you to change – not for anyone but especially not for me. I fell in love with the Omi who gags at public toilets and groans loudly when I even think about skipping a shower for being too tired. I fell in love with the Omi who has a very valid need to have things a certain way, who offers me some structure in my own life just by upholding his own. I fell in love with the Omi who motivates me to do better, to be better, because he’s such a wonderful and deeply lovable person that sometimes I can’t even wrap my head around it. And Omi?” you squeeze his hand and he finally gathers the courage to raise his head – albeit only a little.

“I also fell in love with the Omi who lets me into his space so openly, who makes room for me and happily obliges for cuddles when I’m needy, who’s attentive to my needs and makes me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. Who takes care of me and loves me despite my own flaws.”

You lean in and rest your forehead against his, “flaws are something we all have and I don’t love you despite your ugly parts, I love you with them.”

There’s silence as Sakusa processes your words, overwhelmed by the sheer sincerity he felt in your voice.

“I kinda went on a rant, sorry.”

He laughs then, laughs hoarsely and squeezes your hand back. It’s not until you reach up to wipe a tear from his cheek that he realizes that he failed in holding them back, letting out another nervous laugh, “those sounded like wedding vows,” he jokes and you smile mischievously, “it was really good too! Maybe I should write it down for the future,” you joke and a blush creeps up to his ears at the implications of your words. You lean in and gently give him a peck on his lips, “you’re allowed to react outwardly, that doesn’t make you a bad person. You can’t scare me away with you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Let’s go home.”

@hanayanetwork 🌸

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #hqlabels #hanaya network #sakusa x reader #sakusa fluff #haikyuu #nohr.writing #im just posting it! heck it! enjoy it #i do like it myself v much but i do admit i havent had time to properly #go thru it a few times so i apologize for any mistakes! <3 #im going on vacation soon so this will be the last from me in a few weeks but DO send in requests! <3

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iloveacronix · 1 month

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Repost bc apparently my dumbass deleted the first post before taking a shower and I barely noticed. I stubbed my toe so hard against the kitchen counter that I dropped my plate with poptarts and cried on the floor for 3 minutes. I was trying to kick my cousin's soccer ball but missed and accidentally killed my foot's 2nd soldier. Someone help me it hurts💀💀

#It left a red mark on my 2nd toe wtf #I think I broke it bc it hurts like hek and its been over 30 minutes #Or maybe im just weak...#Anyway #Machia and cyrus if they were friends and Machia wasn't a commander anymore or smth #My og post had the whole description im gonna cry #Its abt my random machia redemption au where she becomes friends w Cyrus #And he forgives her(it takes a long time)#Was thinking about adding acronix in it #Bc I mean...#Why not?#Cyrus w Machia & Acronix??#Heck those 3 would be funny asf #Also i enjoy Acronix redemption arcs #And even better if the author includes krux in the redemption #Bc most of the time its just Nix and he goes with Cyrus #It actually took me a while to get into future but the fanarts got to me #And now here I am #Ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago fanart #lego ninjago fanart #ninjago acronix #ninjago fandom #Ninjago hands of time #Cyrus borg #Ninjago cyrus borg #Commander machia #Ninjago machia #Ninjago acronix

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palisadewasp · 2 days

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hello tumblr user. in front of you is a post by a trans woman about a character she headcanons as transfem. you must refrain from making any kind of remark on the post about how you personally headcanon the character as transmasc. this challenge will continue for every post of this nature, for the rest of your life. if you fail at any time, you'll be boiled alive in a vat of oil. good luck

#i am. so tired #im not even transfem i just.#let people have their headcanons. let women and girls enjoy fandom #heck it doesn't even have to be a trans woman headcanoning it. let anyone and everyone turn their faves into girls and DON'T HIJACK IT #poggay rambles #posts by hazy

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fruitsofhell · 2 years

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Sometimes I still think its weird how little I see people who talk about Kirby lore in terms of narrative purpose rather than being some funky ARG-type bs that you put together for no reason.

Like this on time on twitter: I was talking to someone about how even though Star Allies is a pretty ok game mechanically, I thought Void Termina was narratively an amazing final boss cause it brought the series full circle to Kirby’s origins and all that. And then they replied to me saying that the Kirby Is Related To Void theory was debunked because of a few details from an interview with Kumazaki and it’s like... why... would that not be the point of Void when it is the most clear narrative meaning the boss fight would have..? Like what else would be the point of having a boss like Void if you have all these connections but then at the last second 3 details cancelled everything out...? The point of Void is not the collection of details about it to figure out what it is, the point of Void is having this grand boss that you put together is related to Kirby and therefore not a faceless evil. Like that’s the entire game.

Like there aren’t a lot of people who take Kirby lore very seriously because they think the entire thing is like an elaborate gag between the game’s exterior and its details, and then you have people who do care abut the details but then forgo (lol) the entire theming of the rest of the games. It’s just weird, I think its cause there isn’t a lot of overlap between people who seriously adore media like Kirby that is unabashedly cute and positive, and people who like deep diving in lore about eldritch themeshfdskh. But fortunately I love both and think the marriage of an unabashedly cute and positive game that uses eldritch themes to bolster its message of positivity is da best!!

#kirby #kirby lore #kirby lore rambles #shut the heck up #this has nothing to do with the posts i just rb'd those are actually exceptions to what im talking about which is why i remebmerd #also no shade and the guy in the anecdote im not policing how people enjoy the silly baby game #im mostly just talking about how i find it hard to find people who talk about kirby how i like tohdskjfhks

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thefanciestborrower · 1 year

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lilac tiger coffee (just because I'm not in your fandoms)

Aw thanks anon!

And to be fair I do mess with a lot of niche fandoms haha so I'd honestly be more surprised if you were in them lol. BUT! It is my mission to make all you guys love the silly little blorbos just as much as I do via osmosis and fluffy art heheheheheh

#idc if y'all know my fandoms or not im dragging you in anyways and you can't stop me #I gotta ramble bout the sillies!!!#but for real I'm flattered you enjoy seeing me on your dashboard anon #and continue following me despite not knowing what the heck I'm posting about half the time #I'm just a silly little dumb dumb who likes very specific silly things #ask #anon ask #ask game

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nsnojutsu · 2 years

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I've started posting my Naruto/Sns art only around 1 and a half/2 months ago??? And I truly didn't expect this amount of support in all platforms I posted, and especially not in such a short time 😭

I'm so grateful!!

There's also the fact that when I started drawing Naruto 2 months ago I was just coming out of a 6 months long drawing hiatus, and both finding such support and rediscovering something I'm super passionate about (Naruto) really helped making me get out of that mood 😭😭❤️❤️

Thank you all so much!!!

#maybe some overly emotional post #im just glad cause in the past couple years drawing has been a bit hard #and i really didn't expect people to support me like this #heck i didn't even know naruto fandom was still so active efter so many years after the manga/anime ended #im so glad i can both share with people what i create #and enjoy other people's content!

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drchucktingle · 2 years

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Something I’ve been curious about if it wouldn’t break the bit: are you one buckaroo or several sharing a name and persona?

greetings bud thank you for asking FIRST OF ALL want to say to you or anyone reading this post that i am not upset over this question and i am not upset with you. you have kindness in your trot and i know you are just asking to prove love in your own way. buds reading this please do not harass this person in fact maybe give them a follow or a like, they are trying their best.

OKAY NOW THAT IS OUT OF THE WAY i will talk on my feelings of this with simple statement:

this is not a bit.

i understand it can be difficult to accept this for some, especially in world where absurdity and cynical humor is so popular, but i am very sincere. even though i make jokerman jokes sometimes, even in my writing, tinglers are not supposed to be funny as a concept. if you laugh at them that is TOTALLY OKAY i understand this way when confronted with something out of the box but that is not the point of them at all. the point is that LOVE IS REAL for everyone (there are other points but that is a broad one)

now on to why i trot my trot in this way. first off is to protect my privacy this is simple enough. when i talk on son jon or sweet barbara or any other way i am adding a layer of secrets by changing names or relations or towns but that is just a fancy outfit for the real truth. i am NOT creating a character, i am protecting myself.

second and more important is that when i TALK IN MY UNIQUE WAY i am expressing myself without masking, which is something old chuck does every single day out there in the world as someone on the autism spectrum. i am VERY GOOD AT MASKING you would probably not know chuck was autistic when talking to me unless you were a close bud. but unfortunately this masking way creates very real tension in my body. i have trotted with CHRONIC PAIN for most of my life heading to emergency rooms where kind and handsome t-rex doctors could not figure out what the heck was goin on. basically LIVED in the dang emergency room. eventually chuck learned i carried my body TOO TIGHT from masking all the time, but what i realized is that allowing myself a space to type freely without way of punctuation or other restrictions and LETTING MY HEART SING to just be myself without masking made this tension release. pain started going away. GRAND IRONY of course is that when im trotting as chuck i wear a pink mask to take off my OTHER MASK of a neurotypical bud.

that is why i protect my way of speaking freely as well. if someone says 'well you need to talk like this right now' i stand tall and say NO BUD THIS IS MY SPACE AND I WILL EXPRESS MYSELF IN THIS WAY AND YOU AN TROT ON IF YOU WANT. this is firm boundary for me and my health.

anyway buckaroo to sum that up again: yes i am one person and this is not a bit

if you want to know more about my way on the autism spectrum i wrote a tingler about how it feels to have others say you are 'playing a character' and not actually neurodivergent. i think tumblr buds might enjoy so i will add it down here LOVE IS REAL thank you for your question

NOT POUNDED BY THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DOUBT IN MY PLACE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM BECAUSE DENYING SOMEONE'S PERSONAL JOURNEY AND IDENTITY LIKE THAT IS INCREDIBLY RUDE SO NO THANKS

#chuck tingle #character #neruodivergent #masking #autism #autism spectrum #tingleverse #love is real #tingler #good talks with buds #buckaroo lifestyle

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foxstens · 2 years

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im losing my miiiiiiiiiind

#my posts #gameblogging #liveblogging hollow knight #ive entered the radhog grind #all the easy bosses are down and now its time to pray #i beat white defender soul tyrant and the watcher knights toda #so i cant say im not making progress #but jesus christ ive fought the oblobbles and sob so many times #SO MANY TIMES #and yet #with sob the best ive done is get one of them to like a third health #and then i died #with the oblobbles most of the time i just die during the first phase #for various reasons #the few times i get to the second phase i die when its at like 20% health #with sob its frustrating bc it shouldnt be hard #even the watcher knights barely took me any time and i cant say i know that fight super well #idk i guess this too is one of those fights that i personally just have a lot of trouble with #ive never really enjoyed it tbh and i still dont #but heck im dreading thinking about how long itll take to beat zote and markoth #and galien #ill prob do absrad before i do any of those #if ican get past these two somehow #:(

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cleanicing · 2 years

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OH and thank u so much for the love on the fic i posted! i appreciate it a lot <3 i have very few followers and i’m writing for a boy who is. not popular on this site so it means a lot that at least a few of u read it and enjoyed it

#i used to post teen wolf fic that got many notes/attention so im learning to be okay with just posting for the heck of it #and not being too concerned with notes or popularity or anything #because i genuinely do enjoy writing #so that should be enough for me

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thecapricunt1616 · 1 month

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Damiana (c.b. oneshot)

♡ O/S Inspo: Damiana (otherwise known as loveseed) is used to increase the intensity of sexual magick, increase magical energy, divination, dreams/clairvoyance, enhance pleasure and increase psychic abilities.

♡ Summary: You & Carmy wake up extra early on your day off for some reason, so he knows a good way to put you both back to sleep.

♡ W/C: 1,737

♡ Posted Date: 04/18/2024

♡ A/N: OMG Thank you all for 100 followers what the actual heck!!! I want to give each and every one of you a forehead smoochin, thank you so much for hanging out with me and supporting my work! As per usual my requests are alwayyys open! For Carmy x Reader & Carmy x Sydney I woke up today at the asscrack of dawn for no reason at all, and was hit with a strike of writing lightning!! Just in time for my 100 follower celebration :D!!! I hope you enjoy this smutty smutty goodness. Sidenote - Taylor is releasing an album tomorrow so I am bouncing off the walls of my iron cage and gnawing at the bars I'M SO READY!!!! ANYWAYS enjoy my friends <3

♡ Warnings for BTC: Unedited (we die like men!!!) Breeding kink, swearing, smut smut smut, fluffy needy Carmy, established relationship NO USE OF Y/N

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝘊𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 / 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘵 ♡

Early mornings with Carmy were your favorite. Well - the early mornings that he wasn’t jumping in the shower even before the sun had kissed the horizon. But these mornings.

You woke up this morning at 4:52 - it was Sunday, your favorite day. Carmy & your day. The Bear was closed, the single day a week that it was - so it meant your loving, wonderful husband could stay in bed with you until 3 if he wanted.

He’d told you many times before if you woke before him for some reason on your sacred together day, to wake him because he didn’t want to spend a moment without you - but for now, you watch.

It wasn’t often you saw your beloved man like this, fully at peace. Well, other then when he fucked you - but while awake he never fully looked this peaceful.

You carefully brushed his messy curls off of his forehead, dragging your nails across his scalp gently. You just couldn’t help it, you knew how much he loved it.

‘Mmm?’ He grumbled, his voice thick and low, husky with sleep.

“Sorry” you whispered, smiling a bit. You couldn’t help but think of a grizzly bear when he’d make noises like that. While he was in this half asleep - half awake state, he would grunt and huff and grumble, especially on Sundays.

Just like any other day, his internal clock was on time - and today - he has 0 alarms set.

“No ‘s fine been up” he said softly.

You kissed his forehead tenderly, the faintest bit of mint sticking to his breath from last night when he brushed his teeth before practically crawling to bed since he was so exhausted.

“Bear- it’s Sunday- go to sleep” you said, gently rubbing over his bare chest with your soft palm.

“Damn birds” he grumbled, causing you to giggle.

“Y’know it’s the boys, actually? Because the uh…the moms. They go out before the sun, to find breakfast. And the dads are - well. Scientists theorize - that the dads are calling the moms back to the nest, like an alarm the kids are up and hungry” you said softly.

He hums in interest, rolling on his side with his eyes still closed and gently kissing down your neck as you spoke

“All I heard was a really good reason we don’t have kids yet” he said, voice deep and thick with sleep.

“Yeah yeah ok Mr ‘im gonna make you a mom’ “ you imitated his horny raspy voice and he chuckled, snaking his hand under your shirt and rubbing over your stomach gently

“I am as soon as you take this fuckin thing outta y’r arm” he gently bites down on the inside of your bicep where your implant was, sucking gently, causing you to laugh.

“I swear to god - your hormones Carm, it's like you’re ovulating or something” you teased and he snorts a laugh into your skin

“Not my fault you make me horny in the morning” he reached up, palming your breast and squeezing gently

“You were horny before you woke up fucker, I feel you” you teased, wiggling into his bulge that was pressing into your ass firmly.

He moaned softly, rolling his hips into yours “Y’gonna help me out or do I have to go shower?” He teased with a grin.

You roll your eyes playfully “gonna make me work before the sun is even fully in the sky?” You asked and he chuckled a bit

“No. Just stay right like this. I can play with you, right?” He kissed your jaw gently, nipping at the sensitive part near your ear and soothing the sting with his tongue in a way that made you whine.

“Yes. But I wanna feel good too” you said, voice needy already. It was quite embarrassing the effect he so easily had on you, he barely even had to try.

“Oh of course princess, y’think I’d neglect my favorite toy? When have I ever left you without makin’ sure y’feel good mm?” He kissed the base your neck right at the top of your spine, spreading your thighs with his knee, your bodies flush together.

“Well there was that one time-“ you teased as he pulled his cock out

“Oh the one time I punished you f’r bein’ a brat.” He squeezed your hip and trailed his hand around your stomach, rubbing gently before dipping his fingers in your panties, finding your clit and humming in satisfaction when you whine hotly, arching into his frame further.

“Cause you were wearing those slutty gray sweatpants and every bitch in the grocery store was staring at your dick print” you counter, causing him to chuckle, the vibration coursing through you since you were flush to him like one being.

“mmmm and is that why you’re so wet, cause you’re thinkin’ about me wearing something slutty?” He teased rubbing slow firm circles in the way that made you writhe and squirm.

“Stop teasing before you nut all over my back” you smirk and he gasps, feigning offense.

“Someone is mouthy this morning” he moved the fabric to the left, rubbing his thick cock over your folds easily with your slick aiding him, moaning softly.

“Mmmm thank you” you rest your head back on his shoulder, eyes fluttering shut. “Feels soooo nice.” You mumble as he slowly rolls his hips, the head of his cock teasing your clit just enough.

It wasn’t a full rub, not enough to make you cum for a while, but more a pleasant gentle massage. You felt his hand back on your stomach, rubbing short strokes up and down as he pants, in pure quiet bliss. That was something you adored about him- whenever you were in public, he was shy, quiet. So quiet. But when you were alone together- the man didn’t have an off switch.

Neither did you, but yours didn’t shut off in public, either. You did enough talking for the both of you, it was what drew him to you. The only time you made him more quiet, was when he was playing with you this way in the morning. You were pretty sure it was the time, his brain hadn’t fully woken yet - but he had one thought bouncing around like a DVD video logo his cock was achingly hard.

“I’m probably gonna fall asleep but you’ll wake me right?” You asked and all you got in response was a breathy ‘mmhmm’

He gently bit down on your neck, then your shoulder, then your arm, causing you to giggle and look back at him as well as you could “you wanna suck on it. Don’t you.” You teased, referring to your implant.

Another whiny ‘mmhmm’ and he rolls his hips a bit harder, causing you to moan as his tip ruts over your clit firmer

“So sweet.” You smiled lazily, closing your eyes once more and humming “I love this Bear y’make me feel so good” you said softly and he whimpers

“Fuckin’ hell y’too sweet. Lettin’ me play with you like this sweetheart, the sweetest girl” he praises, pushing the hair from your messy sleep off your forehead and kissing your temple.

“Cus’ y’the best husband” you laced your fingers together and held your hands over your stomach.

“Mmmm y’know I fuckin love hearin’ y’say that, right?” He rasps, hips getting sloppier and rougher as he got closer to his high.

“I do every time I say my husband on the phone you blush. It's the cutest thing that you’re still feelin’ like we’re on our honeymoon 2 whole years later” you kissed his hand sweetly.

“Cause I’m so fuckin’ lucky. Can’t fuckin’ believe y’agreed to take my last name babe. The way you say our last name is so fuckin pretty” he said, kissing your shoulder gently

“I feel so fancy with it. Mrs.Berzatto. Berzatto is so much cooler then my maiden name.” you said

“Fuckin hell sweetheart im so close can I please cum in you?” He begged, his voice needy and wanting

“Of course Bear Y’don’t need to ask” you said and he released your hand, placing his palm at the base of your abdomen and slipping in, filling you to the hilt.

You whimper, back arching slightly “mmm feel’so full” you mutter, gasping as he started a quick snap of his hips, jaw falling slack.

“It’s so fuckin hot that I can feel myself fuck you” he pressed his palm firmer into your abdomen, angling himself in a way to both feel himself better, but also slide perfectly against your gspot

“Yeah y’get so deep bear. Y’gonna fill me up? Y’gonna knock me up? Mmm?” You whine, your own orgasm approaching fast

“Fuck yeah I am princess sh-iiit. Fuck gonna make y’a fuckin mom” he grunts, spreading your legs further and reaching down to rub your clit making you clench around him.

He whimpers hips stuttering as he ruts into you, completely bottoming out trying to get as deep as he can as he empty’s his huge load into you, breathing hard and remaining still inside of you while he rubs your clit in quicker circles.

He could tell you were on the edge because of the way you were clenching and unclenching around his now overstimulated cock, he wanted to get you there so he could remain inside of you for a while.

“That’s it, my good girl. Thank you Angel, you took me so well. Y’can always handle whatever I give you it’s so fuckin hot. Now I’m gonna make sure y’re all taken care of, mmm? Just like I promised” he said softly into the shell of your ear before kissing your head gently.

“I’m cumming. I’m fucking cumming - oh- fuck-“ you whine, thighs shaking as some of your mixed arousal drips down his balls to his thigh.

“Gooood. Tha’s it, good girl” he praised, slowing his fingers to a slow rub as he worked you down.

“Mmm that was so nice Carmy” you hummed, looking back and kissing his lips lovingly.

“So nice princess. Thank y’for letting me” he kissed the tip of your nose gently “can I stay in a little longer” he kissed your jaw gently

“Course- I was actually gonna ask you to. I like falling asleep like this” you laced your fingers together holding your interlocked hands over your belly. “Y’so fuckin perfect” he mumbled into the skin of your neck.

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woonova · 7 months

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꩜ ﾟ˖ FROZEN STRAWBERRIES

◟﹙ 🍓 ﹚nishimura riki ﹕drabble ﹙ @woonova ﹚

ʚɞ ﾟ˖ written to i remember by deadmau5 & kaskade

ʚɞ ﾟ˖ genre fluff, established relationship

ʚɞ ﾟ˖ synopsis during a peaceful night at home, you seek to change niki's opinion on your favourite midnight treat

ʚɞ ﾟ˖ warning not proofread (kinda)

ʚɞ ﾟ˖ wc 0.5k

rin's notes ! im finally back my people!! enjoy this small drabble i found in my drafts for now ^_-

— tumblr’s algorithm works best with reblogging so plz consider reblogging and liking my posts ! —

You pulled your legs closer to your chest, tucking them securely under your arms, the oversized hoodie that loosely covered you providing a slight feeling of warmth and comfort. The short hairs that were scattered along your bare legs stood upright as they were greeting with a swift and chilly air that escaped from the refrigerator parallel to you.

"Aren't you finished as yet, what could you be searching for so long?" you complained, a bit irritated with your boyfriend's sluggish pace. "Just a minute now, i've gotta find the perfect snack for my perfect girl."

You ignored the rapid pounding in your heart as you watched Niki retrieve your midnight snack before tip-toeing over to you with a huge smile. As he got closer you couldn't help but stare, his radiant smile which came in its unique boxy form, his sharp eyes that had suddenly been forced shut by his wide grin, and his brightly dyed hair with its contrasting ends.

"Alright here you go, your favourite."

Frozen strawberries. A sweet and cool treat that never failed to satisfy you. You left out a sigh as the cold fruit grazed your lips, the sweet juice melting in your mouth leaving both your fingertips and lips with a slightly sticky residue.

"I don't know how you can eat those," Niki stated with a distasteful expression. Sure, he could stomach strawberries, whether it be in the form of jam, ice cream, or even covered by melted chocolate. But he couldn't understand the enjoyment of having a frozen berry inside your mouth. Heck, you couldn't even chew it.

"How can you eat microwaved strawberries but not frozen ones?" you asked with a questioning gaze, your head tilted to the side as a teasing smile slowly made its way across your cheeks.

"Because, warmed strawberries are better. They're so much more softer and sweeter."

"You know, I think I could change your mind." you slowly let out as you inch closer to him, the soft fabric of his hoodie brushing against his forearm. "Nothing is ever going to make me eat frozen strawberries, ever."

As you inched closer to him, your smile growing, you could almost see the pink hue that was slowly traveling across his cheeks in the dim lighting.

"What are you doing....?" he let out in a choked whisper, as if the words were suddenly caught in his throat.

"Changing your mind." you responded in a tone similar to his, only with more confidence as you placed your chilly lips on his. The sugary residue from your long forgotten snack still smeared across your lips, provided a yummy taste that you both happily indulged in. Niki's hand found its way to your cheek as you continued, providing an even more comfortable and endearing atmosphere.

As you separated you could faintly see Niki's eyes glistening in the dark, as love swirled within his brown eyes.

"So did I change your mind?"

"Maybe, but it'll take a lot more convincing,"

"Well you know, i'm pretty good at that."

ʚɞ ﾟ˖ sponsors @k-labels @en-web @k-films

#🖇 . ࣪ my works ݁!⠀͡꒱#k labels #en web #enhablr #k films #enhypen #enhypen niki #enhypen niki fanfiction #niki fluff #niki imagines #niki fanfic #niki x reader #niki oneshots #niki drabbles #enhypen niki fluff #enhypen niki imagines #enhypen nishimura riki

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little-emerald-snake · 3 months

Note

Any chance we can pretty please get a spice level 1000 smut with ominis and mc?

You write so well and atm all im seeing on tumblr is seb.

Im an omi girl and im starving lol

If your current circumstances permit, could you delve into your deepest darkest smut mind and give us a golden heap of descriptive and intricate filth? Haha xxx

We all love you.

I squeal whenever you post. Xxxxx

Hope youre doing well

Did you just come from the Undercroft!? - Ominis Gaunt X F!MC

🔥 NSFW 🔞 MDNI

Ohhh boy this one is wayyyy better than my last Doninis request so I apologize. But holy heck…this came from the dark fucked up recesses of my brain so enjoy that 🤣 Thanks for reading love, I’m doing much better after cutting back how much I’ve been writing, I feel rejuvenated and have much better inspiration (ignore the fact I’m posting twice a week again 🙄) 🫶🏻

Warnings: reliving the trauma of Ominis yelling at you for coming out of the Undercroft, Dominis, degradation, name calling (seriously I did not hold back), spitting, spit swallowing, clit/pussy spanking, rough fingering, squirting, spanking thighs and ass, unprotected rough sex, marking, threats of impregnation, threats of defamation, gaslighting, so much use of the word slut, overstimulation, crying during sex, degradation, oral m receiving, cum swallowing, no aftercare (hang in there loves, it’s a tough one)

2.4k words

She carefully stepped out from the undercroft, glancing around to see the coast was clear before stepping out. Much to her surprise the familiar blonde Slytherin stood there almost as if he was headed there himself. “Hello Sebastian. Wait.”

Her heart began to race in her chest and she momentarily debated making a run for it or staying absolutely silent and pretending she wasn’t there at all. “You there. I can hear you.”

Well there went that plan. The blind Slytherin wasn’t to be trifled with. That much she knew. No sense in hiding if he already knew that she was in fact there and it wasn’t in fact his best friend. “Oh, hello Ominis, isn’t it? I believe we have a few classes together, right?”

The blonde's brows rose and he looked momentarily puzzled before standing a bit straighter. “I recognize that voice. Heard you talking to Garreth Weasley in Potions class. You’re the new fifth-year.”

She was about to cheerily agree but a scowl met his features and her stomach sunk. He looked absolutely furious. “Did you just come from the Undercroft? How did you get in there?”

She swallowed nervously, deciding in that moment that she wouldn’t rat out Sebastian after he’d taken the fall for her in the library. “Oh? That room’s called ‘the Undercroft?’ Ah. Well, I was exploring and suddenly found myself in a strange passageway-“

He frowned deeply, interrupting her with a cutting tone. “Don’t lie to me. No one ‘stumbles’ upon that room. Sebastian told you, didn’t he?”

He suddenly shifted closer to her, nearly pinning her against the clock decorated door to the Undercroft and she swallowed again. “I can’t risk you telling anyone about this place, you know. Sebastian’s going to get an earful about this. He gets into enough trouble as it is and doesn’t need your help in doing so. Come with me.”

He stepped away from her, bringing his wand up to guide him before grabbing her arm and yanking her away from the opening. He carefully opened the passageway to the Undercroft and shoved her inside, stepping in after her and gripping her arm again.

She stumbled as he easily guided her to the couch and tossed her down roughly. She debated getting up and making a run for it but he stood right in front of her, blocking her exit unless she jumped over the back of the sofa. “I’m going to punish you for lying on behalf of Sebastian. I bet he only showed you this place so he wouldn’t be interrupted while taking your sweet pussy. He should know better. This is my hideout. He shouldn’t be bringing his mischievous romps down here anyway.”

She stuttered over her words, anxious as Ominis’ body language changed and his words lost their proper tone and changed to a different, more demanding tone. “I-I…we weren’t doing anything like that. H-he simply was showing me a place to work on my magic since I’m behind. I-I swore I wouldn’t tell anyone about it and I meant that. I-I’d never-“

He tsked her, placing a finger under her chin and tipping her head up to look at him. “You’re loyal to Sebastian. Not me. Therefore I can’t trust you. As for Sebastian, he’s showing you the Dark Arts isn't he? You’re learning the curses with him aren’t you? You will not sully my Undercroft with Dark Magic or your vile sexual acts.”

She pressed herself against the back of the couch, heartbeat thundering behind her ribs all the way down between her legs. She couldn’t explain why his anger was working her up but it was.

He chuckled, wand blinking in his hand. “My my, your heart sure is beating away. Partially because you're scared but there’s something more isn’t there? What? Sebastian teaching you the Dark Arts is riling you up is it? Are you greedy for power? You do realize I’m a Gaunt, right? Sallow is a pureblood wizard but I’m a direct pureblooded descendant of Salazar himself. My blood runs thicker with tragedy than any other wizarding family known to the wizarding world.”

Her mouth went dry. That wasn’t what she was about at all. It had nothing to do with power or learning the Dark Arts which she actually feared. But the way he was speaking to her, boasting himself up and almost trying to compete with Sebastian for her attention had her going. This was a very different side to Ominis.

He snickered, tucking his wand away and lowering himself to kneel on the couch with his hands on the tips of the cushions behind her and his knee between her legs. Her body went rigid when hot breath ghosted across her neck and a hand caressed her stomach, slowly adding pressure and moving downwards. “That’s right. I know you’re a pureblood. I could easily fill you with a Gaunt heir and you would very quickly become an important witch. Your name would be in everyone’s mouth.”

His hand now lifted the hem of her skirt and she nearly choked when a devious smirk decorated Ominis’ features. Shame burned through her. “No bloomers on. You filthy slut. Now I’m sure of it. You were down here trying to fuck Sebastian weren’t you. He’s ever the playboy you know. He’ll stick his cock in anything. You aren’t special.”

Her heart raced, squirming as his fingers traced up her inner thigh to find her soaking wet pussy. He groaned, yanking her skirt up and moving her knees apart a bit to spit directly onto her sex. The action caught her off guard but he flattened his palm, rubbing her pussy with his flattened fingers by starting slow and getting rougher.

She held back whimpers and moans but this only made him angrier. She gasped as his free hand moved off the cushions and squeezed her cheeks. The action forced her lips to open and that was when he spit inside her mouth, fingers still roughly rubbing against her sensitive sex.

She hesitated, freezing with his spit in her mouth now and unsure what to do. He chuckled darkly, seeming to sense her dilemma. “Swallow it. Filthy slut. You better consider this an honor.”

She swallowed. It felt wrong but that didn’t stop her body from responding with hot electric tingles spreading down her body. He chuckled, finding her clit with the ball of his palm and rubbing aggressively. The sensation it caused danced on the line of torture and pleasure. The pressure was too much but that didn’t stop her hips from canting upwards.

This was all too much. She was careening toward an orgasm, hips bucking and moving to try and wring pleasure from the overstimulating torture. In a moment of relief he pulled his hand away, spitting down on her pussy again, releasing her jaw and caging her in with his arm. She thought the torturous pleasure would be done but that’s when his palm reunited with her sex in a loud slap.

The sound got her more than anything but the intense heat that burned from the sensation of the spank caused her to whine. He only grinned spanking a few more times in quick succession.

She reached down to grip his wrist and pull him away but he only chuckled, overpowering her with strength and shoving two fingers inside. She lost her battle, still holding his wrist but no longer pushing him away as he began a brutal pace, finger fucking her rather agressively. “This is how you learn, useless slut.”

It was intense but she couldn’t deny it had her hips lifting in pleasure again. Especially when those long slender fingers curled, hammering directly against her g spot and dragging her closer to the edge her body was teetering on. “Ah! Oh Ominis! I-I’m gonna-!”

He kept up the brutal pace, laughing at her pitiful behavior below him as he kneeled over her and drove her to the brink. She gave a sharp cry, body arching upwards as a pressure she’d never felt before took over. “You’re not supposed to like this, greedy little slut.”

When the pressure faded and the high of her orgasm faded she floated back to reality, ears still lightly ringing. She could hear Ominis’ condescending tone trying to break through.

After a moment she finally registered when he was saying. “How dare you make a mess of the furniture in my Undercroft. Look at this fucking mess. Are you listening to me!? Your pleasure should be irrelevant to me.”

She opened her eyes, glancing down between her legs where Ominis had pulled his now dripping fingers away to motion at the damp cushions below her. Luckily for him, he’d managed to dive away before getting splashed with her mess as his clothes were dry. His hand and the furniture below her had no such luck.

She had hot tears welling in her eyes. She’d never squirted before and now from something so rough. How could this have happened? She didn’t have long to process before Ominis’ hand landed on her parted thigh with a slap that echoed through the stone walls of the room.

She gasped, the heat that blossomed to the top of her skin, making it red and sensitive, surprising her. He spanked her again just a bit higher and she snapped her legs shut, causing him to laugh. “What? Can’t take a punishment properly? You shouldn’t have lied to me then, you stupid girl.”

She whimpered and he took her hand, helping her up. She sighed a breath of relief. It was short lived though as he flipped her over and positioned her on her hands and knees in front of him, yanking her skirt up to leave her bare before him.

His palm came down hard on the round cheek of her ass, causing her to gasp and lurch forward in surprise. “That’s for making a such a fucking mess.”

She peered over her shoulder, swallowing harshly as she heard the zipper of his trousers and felt the blunt tip of him against her entrance. She didn’t have time to deny him as he shoved into her, slamming his hips forward and burying himself inside her wet warmth.

She gasped, biting into her lip at the slight sting of such a quick intrusion. He filled her so completely full she’d never felt anything like it. She gasped when he moved, dragging himself back out and grunting as he stuffed himself right back in.

He held her hips in a firm grasp, fucking into her agressively. With every slam of his hips it became just a bit clearer that this fucking was meant as a punishment. Yes it felt incredible but his pace was brutal, rough and quick and meant to get a point across.

Just as she was beginning to fall into pleasure and tighten around him he was pulling out of her and flipping her onto her back. He wasted little time slamming back into her and resuming the animalistic pace of fucking her.

He leant down over her, baring his teeth against her neck and scraping against her delicate skin. He fucked her faster, biting and suckling bruises into her soft skin.

The pleasure was driving her closer and closer to the edge but she knew people would surely question her about the hickeys he was leaving. She attempted to shove him off, causing a snarl to rise from his throat and he released her abused flesh and growled against her ear. “If you tell anyone it was me who marked you, I’ll deny it. I’ll tell everyone you’re a filthy little liar and that you are nowhere near my league. I’ll publically humiliate you. Is that what you want?”

She pitifully shook her head and tears bubbled up to the surface. She was moaning and crying, pain, pleasure and emotional whiplash being the cause. But her body shook and she experienced a soul shredding orgasm. Fat hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she rippled around him, whimpering and crying out as she came.

He growled in frustration, pulling out of her and falling back against the couch, pulling her with and seating her in his lap. “How dare you cum on my cock without my permission. You’re going to fucking earn it this time, you hear that slut? Ride me to get your pleasure since you’re such a greedy cock slut.”

She was so lost in the pleasure and the chaos that she did, placed her hands on his shoulders and rolled her hips on his, riding him and whimpering. “That’s right. Take my cock. Forget all about dallying with Sebastian. Enabling him like a naughty little bitch behind my back. Stupid girl, playing with the Dark Arts.”

She cried, overwhelmed from how good it felt to fuck him and how hot it was to be degraded by him but his words did cut deep. She hadn’t slept with Sebastian at all but the idea that Ominis wanted to fuck Sebastian out of her system lit a fire inside of her. He laughed heartily at her tears. “Are you overwhelmed silly slut? Can’t take being told what a useless and dumb little hole you are? Thats alright. I’m done with your pussy. Get on the floor where sluts belong. This filthy pussy isn’t good enough to be bred by a Gaunt. Your mouth will have to do.”

He practically shoved her off, more or less tossing her to the floor before sliding forward on the seat and gripping a fistful of her hair and using her mouth. She watched through watery eyes as he fucked her mouth, pumping her mouth full of thick, hot, salty cum.

She immediately wanted to spit it out but he pinched her nose and pulled his cock out, forcing her head back and brushing down the front of her throat till she swallowed his essence. He laughed meanly, tapping her cheek. “That’s right. You’re a good slut. Even if you are an absolute shit liar.”

He stood up, straightening himself out and putting himself back together before pulling his wand from his robe pocket and sauntering towards the door. “No more encouraging Sebastian to get into trouble? You hear me? If he comes up with some ‘brilliant plan’ you bring it to me immediately. Now, go clean up and go to bed…although, I must admit you are prettier when you’re overstimulated. And remember what I said. You tell anyone anything about this and I’ll have this entire school pitted against you. I’m not afraid to exploit my father being friends with Headmaster Black if I need to.”

Without another word he left her, tears streaming, throat raw, and pussy aching from the roughness.

#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy smut #hogwarts legacy fanfiction #ominis gaunt #dark ominis gaunt #ominis gaunt fanfiction #ominis gaunt smut #dominis #little emerald snake #requests

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cinnbar-bun · 6 months

Text

Zoro Birthday HCs!

Rating: SFW + NSFW hcs (NSFW under read more)

A/n: these were posted during his birthday im only just posting it here now haha.

GN reader and pronouns.

Read at my ao3 here!

SFW

It’s Zoro’s birthday! Yay! And that means lots of celebrating.

Or, in Zoro’s case, it means more napping and drinking.

Yes, it is a bit different but Zoro likes more lowkey birthday celebrations where he can rest as an excuse.

“Fine, since you’re twisting my arm about it, I’ll just go and lay down.”

He says, as if he wasn’t smiling and wanting to sleep after eating you and Sanji’s birthday breakfast.

He mostly wants birthday cuddles and kisses while he’s trying to sleep. He wants to have you slung on him like a koala and snoring in his ear for his nap.

He admits he doesn’t really need any gifts, but he’s not going to complain if you got him something. He’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth when you reveal the gift box(es) to him.

If you get him something personalized or something like jewelry, expect him to glance in confusion at you.

“Why’d you get me something like this? Not really the fashionable type, ya know.”

But he will be wearing it every day from then on and will never take it off.

Author note: god he’d look ridiculously hot with a thin gold chain on his neck and I want it so bad.

Drinks a lot tonight. He’s going to deny that his birthday is anything special but he’s chugging it like he’s liberated another country. Maybe it’s because you and the crew care so much that it makes a day he normally skips on so full of love and joy.

Sanji made the cake (and designed it at your discretion) so Zoro acts like it ain’t shit.

“It’s just a cake. No need to go crazy over it.”

He ate like three slices before Luffy barged in and swallowed the rest of it.

He continues to have a great day with the crew after they make sure to throw him a small party as well as give him their gifts.

Speaking of gifts…

NSFW

When you tell Zoro you have another gift for him in his quarters, well, he’s a bit shocked. You already did so much for him, and you’re giving him another gift?

He follows your instructions and finds you on his bed, naked, pressing one his swords against your body while you’re holding a bottle of expensive sake.

Let’s just say his fourth sword started getting up.

He can’t wait to dive in and have fun with this “gift.”

He manhandles you a bit more, holding you tightly and gripping your hips while he’s busy kissing you roughly and exploring your mouth.

He enjoys drinking the sake from your mouth in these scenarios, mostly because he likes to fluster you enough to let it drip from your mouth.

He also likes to lay you down and pour the sake on your body so he can lick and slurp it up. The sounds are almost so obscene it makes you turn red.

“Eyes on me. Don’t get shy on me now. You’re the one who wanted to give me this gift, right?”

He’s happily performing oral on you over and over, to the point where you’re wondering if he remembers it’s his birthday, not yours.

If you insist on giving him oral, he ain’t complaining. Just know he’ll be a bit rougher and grip your hair tighter. And the stuff he’s whispering and telling you is so sinful, it’s almost impossible not to feel your heart race.

“Fuck. Just like that. You can take more. I know you can.”

You two are going at it all night, and while Zoro normally is keen on keeping you quiet, tonight, he throws caution into the wind and doesn’t care how loud you are. Heck, he even starts encouraging you to scream his name.

“Just like that, baby. Who’s fucking you this good?”

Maybe it’s the alcohol making him rather tipsy enough to not give a shit about what could be going on.

When you two finish after a long night, he pulls you in close and kisses the top of your head.

“Hey… I don’t think I thanked you for today… thanks. Really.”

You’re falling asleep on his chest but the look in his eyes is so full of love and adoration for you, and he sighs happily knowing he’s got you.

You’re the best thing in his life, and he knows that despite all the gifts he got today… you’re still the best gift he could ever ask for or even deserve.

So he presses another kiss to your forehead and enjoys the afterglow of a wonderful birthday night, his mind drifting away to things he could do for you.

#one piece #one piece x reader #one piece hcs #roronoa zoro #zoro #Zoro x reader #smut #one piece smut

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reii-naa · 2 months

Text

okay i do want to voice out my opinion in.. well certain fics

i get it, it's called FANFICITON for a reason, but of course there has to be limitations because at this point i feel like i dont want to be a part of any community again

i do hope you know what "dark content" actual is. yes, its dark, but dark is way different than full on disgust. i do think incest doesn't belong to "dark content", because you're having sex with your biological family. that's gross and surely other siblings/bio family members wouldn't want to have sex with someone they're related to

even if it's traumatic/ptsd related, lets not romanticize that at the very least. its a really serious situation we shouldn't be putting in our writing just for the sake of attention and pleasing others.

obviously seeing smut fics of your favorite character isn't a nice thing to see. any fandom, like majority or even all people in a fandom wouldn't and cant handle incest. like- any sane person would never handle that honestly

ive read the aventurine incest fic with his sister and least to say, i wasn't pleased a bit because im sure aventurine wouldn't do that, and im sure others agree too.

me, along with some others (majority of aventurine fans id say) wouldn't want to see gross works about the character/s (doesnt limit to aventurine) because it genuinely upsets us due to how someone decided to treat a character in such a negative scenario society perceives, because i know some others view these characters as their comfort character.

this also gives the writing part of the fandom a bad light and we obviously dont want to get caught up in that bad light.

i saw the author say that they're disgusted by their brother, yet wrote this fic about brother!aventurine wanting to get his siter pregnant with their child...

i kind of admire the courage of this person to post this fic thinking it was okay for like- majority of people. i know its a mater of preference of smut fics, but i honeslty think liking incest related fics isn't something to enjoy especially when its someone you're close with.

some might defend, saying that others (specifically irl people) enjoy getting r#p#d or having sex with their family members, but id like to say that's a different case and lets not add it to our writings that will be shared to others. perhaps the reason why people enjoy these stuff is because that's how they were raised when they were young, and young and developing brains of kids are easy to brainwash and inflict trauma, even teens, heck adults too

if you think we're just sensitive, we're not because i wouldn't want my parents or sibling to just suddenly want a baby inside of me, id call the police ASAP

at this point ill just play a game without even looking at the community/fandom to spare myself a bit of my sanity and please read the entire thing and hopefully get my point

#aventurine smut #honkai star rail #hsr

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ganondoodle · 6 months

Text

since seeing a post from a mutual yesterday i was thinking about how grateful i am that i can now, confidently say something like -im taking demise away from nintendo- or -hes MY character now- while knowing that the people following me will understand that thats not actually possible and also i dont mean that literally literally (duh)

bc (while i have mentioned it in the past and im not trying to fish for sympathy with this, the memories ... and trauma really does come back every now and then) there were people once that imagined i said that about a popular character in the fandom i was in when i was a teen and proceeded to try (and nearly succeeding bc i was already struggeling alot with depression, anxiety and undiagnosed autism) to bully me into killing myself; perhaps it wasnt their actual goal, but the shit they did (alot of them were adults too), was absolutely insane, but i've only been able to see that wayyyy after the fact

like even if im remembering wrong and i did word it wrong or weird or in a way that was easily misunderstood, i was a teen, with english not as my first language and it still was some fandom shit that ultimately did not matter and never in any scenario warrented that level of harrassment, i dont even think i ever told my parents bc i thought i had to deal with it alone since i 'caused' it too and since then just ... wanting to forget it ever happened

while i am much, much better now, and slowly learning to manage my mental health struggles too, i do wonder just .. how much of how i am today was shaped by that horrible experience, like the way i overly try to pre-apologize and put doubts on every thought i write out, or the panic i feel when something does go outside my usual range (mostly twitter really ..) was immensely worsened by that .. among stuff i probably dont even realize

funnily enough, i made my account on tumblr to try and flee from all that was happening to me (even if they did stalk me at first .. even here) and hey, im still here :D

i guess what im trying to say is, i am very happy to still be here, i am grateful to be able to be myself, even with its downsides, even with my problems, even if the things i do are passable at best, even if i will never "make it big", even if i am annoying at times, even if i do mistakes still, even if i am .... horribly bad at replying to the awesome people that message me-

there are, at least a few people, who enjoy, or even care, or heck, even think about what i draw and write, which is .. still mind boggling to me and i might never be able to truly believe its all real, there are people who are able to see beyond my flaws, forgive me if i do missstep or overreact, and just be aware that even with everything i share about me, there is lots you dont know that may inform why i feel a certain way about something, but thats okay, i am human, i am here, there are people who enjoy my brainworms, and perhaps even think i, as a person, am nice

i am so grateful for that

some things are good

#ganondoodles talks #random #tw suicide mention #again i realyl dont mean to try and bait for sympathy or sth #but some things do remind me of these awful things #and remind me also how far i got #even if it ultimately doesnt matter #it matters to me #and it might matter to you #and that it matters to you matters to me #thank you #i almost replied in a jokey way about this to the mutuals post in question #but then wondered if perhaps that would be a little much #but then i kept thinking about this #and well #its late again and it suddendly all came back #so i had to write a little #also fuck deviantart #no further context needed in these shitty times

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