#even if it ultimately doesnt matter

[ganondoodle]

since seeing a post from a mutual yesterday i was thinking about how grateful i am that i can now, confidently say something like -im taking demise away from nintendo- or -hes MY character now- while knowing that the people following me will understand that thats not actually possible and also i dont mean that literally literally (duh)

bc (while i have mentioned it in the past and im not trying to fish for sympathy with this, the memories ... and trauma really does come back every now and then) there were people once that imagined i said that about a popular character in the fandom i was in when i was a teen and proceeded to try (and nearly succeeding bc i was already struggeling alot with depression, anxiety and undiagnosed autism) to bully me into killing myself; perhaps it wasnt their actual goal, but the shit they did (alot of them were adults too), was absolutely insane, but i've only been able to see that wayyyy after the fact

like even if im remembering wrong and i did word it wrong or weird or in a way that was easily misunderstood, i was a teen, with english not as my first language and it still was some fandom shit that ultimately did not matter and never in any scenario warrented that level of harrassment, i dont even think i ever told my parents bc i thought i had to deal with it alone since i 'caused' it too and since then just ... wanting to forget it ever happened

while i am much, much better now, and slowly learning to manage my mental health struggles too, i do wonder just .. how much of how i am today was shaped by that horrible experience, like the way i overly try to pre-apologize and put doubts on every thought i write out, or the panic i feel when something does go outside my usual range (mostly twitter really ..) was immensely worsened by that .. among stuff i probably dont even realize

funnily enough, i made my account on tumblr to try and flee from all that was happening to me (even if they did stalk me at first .. even here) and hey, im still here :D

i guess what im trying to say is, i am very happy to still be here, i am grateful to be able to be myself, even with its downsides, even with my problems, even if the things i do are passable at best, even if i will never "make it big", even if i am annoying at times, even if i do mistakes still, even if i am .... horribly bad at replying to the awesome people that message me-

there are, at least a few people, who enjoy, or even care, or heck, even think about what i draw and write, which is .. still mind boggling to me and i might never be able to truly believe its all real, there are people who are able to see beyond my flaws, forgive me if i do missstep or overreact, and just be aware that even with everything i share about me, there is lots you dont know that may inform why i feel a certain way about something, but thats okay, i am human, i am here, there are people who enjoy my brainworms, and perhaps even think i, as a person, am nice

i am so grateful for that

some things are good

#ganondoodles talks #random #tw suicide mention #again i realyl dont mean to try and bait for sympathy or sth #but some things do remind me of these awful things #and remind me also how far i got #even if it ultimately doesnt matter #it matters to me #and it might matter to you #and that it matters to you matters to me #thank you #i almost replied in a jokey way about this to the mutuals post in question #but then wondered if perhaps that would be a little much #but then i kept thinking about this #and well #its late again and it suddendly all came back #so i had to write a little #also fuck deviantart #no further context needed in these shitty times

[todayisafridaynight]

tbh I really wanted the 3jimas to win that fight, to have Kiryu realize that his actions have consequences and that maaayybeee the people he keeps disappearing on to only reappear briefly to make demands of are finally sick of it and the rose tinted glasses of admiration have come off

no absolutely i really needed kiryu to just. //shakes him//

another thing i really wish we got from IW was daigo going off on kiryu- like he STARTED to but i needed that Y4 shit RIGHT NOW. if Y4 did anything right, it definitely helped broaden daigo's character in how having the chairman title pushed onto him was stressing him out and having him express this to kiryu was SO cathartic, even if daigo's words ultimately mean nothing to kiryu (or at the very least, kiryu did a bad job on understanding daigo's grievances and helping him afterwards)

it really is agitating that the jimas ended up going to the tower anyway too. i get that saejima and majima are kiryu's ex-colleagues and daigo's practically his son, and the fight was supposed to be a 'wake up call' for them. but it just diminishes the anger we saw from daigo in that first scene (and as if i have to say it, daigo becoming angry is a rare thing so that when it does happen its so jarring and it's meant to be serious) and it continues to excuse kiryu's general disregard for others if it means he gets what he wants.

its unfathomable to me that after nearly two decades of holding a position daigo didnt want for the sake of his idol, he finally gets to break away from it. and now his idol's just waltzing back into his life- after acting like he was dead for three years- asking for ANOTHER favor. and daigo's just supposed to accept it. if kiryu wasnt literally dying i just know he'd keep doing this until his last breath and no one would punish him for it because despite how many times he claims to understand daigo's woes, it's evident he doesn't care enough to leave him out of things

#iw spoilers #snap chats #this turned into a daigo rant LMAO SORRY #ALSO INTO A KIRYU HIT PIECE OOPS JLERJALJ #no listen i keep saying it but i genuinely love how much of an asshole kiryu is it makes things really interesting #BUT ITS SO FRUSTRATING WHEN HIS SELFISHNESS DOESNT GET PUSH BACK #like i remember thinking that scene in y3 where mine calls out kiryu was the best scene #i hadnt even played the rest of the series yet but i still knew mine had points about kiryu just pushing problems onto others #and still acting like he's virtuous #BUT THATS A POST FOR ANOTHER DAY ALKJALKJ kiryu ily please stay an asshole who wants to do good #but ultimately sucks at doing good for the people who matter the most to him #let me just ramble more cause when i think of that scene with the jimas its so upsetting #just seeing how daigo's so concerned for kiryu- UGH i need to eat drywall #like aoki's death was one of the only things from this franchise that actively frustrated me #but this whole scene is so agitating too whenever i think hard about it #SORYR FOR THE RAMBLE this was definitely more emotionally charged than i try to make my posts usually #but oopsie </3 i have a lot of feelings ....

[letsrevince]

girl hold me, leftists are being wrong about signalis because of its east german aesthetics online again (and being INCREDIBLY racist about germans whilst at it) 😭

#and im fucking GREEK do you know how racist you gotta be to get a greek to tell you to cut it out about being mean to GERMANS?! #(and hell it's not even ''being mean'' they outright label any german as nazi-adjacent cus of their history like FUCK ME what the fuck) #anygay signalis is not about communism or anti-communism it's about the tragedy of conformity and the beauty of love even if it's fleeting #we can glean a lot about its world and its powers vying for control and how fucked everything is - but it ultimately doesnt matter #what matters is the humanity we find amidst ourselves and with our loved ones. that's it that's the message #the same EXACT message disco elysium has which i saw it compared to as the EVIL disco lmfao god fucking damn

[urostakako]

i'm so proud of my son yuji...

I LOVE HIMMMM IVE NEVER BEEN PROUDER... precious son <33 beat that ratty old man up

#yuuji is really living the ultimate asian family drama. his mom's in laws hate them for serving cunt. his dad's got beef with his #pretentious older sibling that prefers to pretend he doesnt exist. and that hes also superior to him #his taia HATESS him for being his parents' son and also screwing him over... cuz his taia def has a complex of some sorts #his dad is fucked up for knowingly or ignorantly getting it on with someone thats not his wife for his own gain #he's got half brothers he didnt even know about from his mom and has killed 8 out of 9 of them #and his older brother hates their shared parent for fucking their siblings over. but also doesnt mind that theyre dead because he #doesnt want to lose yuuji his youngest sibling so doesnt matter what happens to the others #also shared parent dotes on yuuji while screwing him over but has no problem shitting on their eldest child for not measuring up to their #expectations. my poor poor boy IF NOTHING ELSE BEAT UR UGLY ASS TAIA UP 🙏🙏🙏 #ali <3 #hanancouldyounot #jjk 257 #jjk spoilers

[ugghouly]

thank you guys for being nice to my post today big preace. I drew sans for you guys.

#drawing sans is like muscle memory #it doesnt even matter whether or not it ends up looking good i know his design like i know a damn pencil #ultimate de-stresser #utdr #sans undertale #my art #undertale fanart

[beemovieerotica]

a fair number of people are adding to my post "but only trans people should play trans characters" and like. I still disagree, because we run into the same problem, and we HAVE run into that problem e.g. people getting on John Cameron Mitchell's case for starring in Hedwig (which he wrote and directed??) forcing him to come out as non-binary in an interview.

unless there is something inherently physical to a role (race) for which an imitation has been historically fraught and meant to demean (blackface, yellowface) a character expressing gender fluidity / breaking gender norms and an actor exploring that from a place of respect is fine.

there is a conversation to be had about equity in hiring practices across the board for actors from minority backgrounds...but I guarantee it predates this entire discourse by decades and all of hollywood needs to change.

#queer #transgender #hot take #also JCM doesn't even consider the role of hedwig to be trans despite fans interpreting the story that way #but it ultimately doesnt matter at that point if the actions one character takes are indistinguishable from that of a trans character #like it just becomes a difference in naming #and the point anyway is that being trans falls under the much wider umbrella of gender nonconformity #which is not limited to the trans identity #ANYONE can participate in fucking with gender norms #the idea that if there are 2 characters who are identical in all respects except one says ''im trans'' and the other doesn't #and that would restrict their casting #is nonsensical to me im sorry

[ghosttrolls]

HI I Love your Posts about trollhunters and Danny Phantom.

they are things i gad trollhunters is different form Danny Phantom

Jim only date one girl and everyone agrees that she is the best Choice for him.

and the main creator isn't a Dick.

but my Question for is if Dash were to become Like Steve was Expose the Ghost world Just Like him how do you think would've involved and this Time his memory stays Like Jez did.

Hi, thank you! Before I say anything else I would like to clarify that while I spend a lot of time comparing themes between the two shows, I don't really feel like one could replace the other - they're both so unique in their execution! Honestly, all the characters in both shows have personalities that couldn't be copied over between the two without the status quo of each show drastically changing. I don't really think of Danny Phantom and Trollhunters in terms of "Danny and Jim are the same person," but more like "Danny and Jim experience things that are interesting parallels of each other and I like to explore those narrative parallels," which I can understand being a kind of complicated distinction.

There definitely is a thing with both of these shows where they pick sort of Traditional Character Roles to some extent, like The Bully, The Hero, The Best Friend, The Romantic Interest, etc. So thinking in terms like that, Dash and Steve do fill kind of similar roles in their shows. I am pretty sure that Dash knows ghosts exist by the end of the show, even if you're writing off Phantom Planet (the final episode that people like to ignore happened). There's an episode where all the adults in Amity Park are brainwashed to go on a "cruise" which ends up just being a way for some ghosts to use them as a power source - but because the adults are brainwashed, the kids are the ones that have to save them, and Danny uses his parents' ghost tech to work together with all the other kids to fight the ghosts. This includes Dash. They all fight ghosts on the deck of a pirate ship, and Dash and Danny stand back to back as Dash says, "When I wail on you tomorrow, I'll be wailing on a hero. But I will be wailing on you." At this point in the show, Dash and other people know about and are fans of Danny Phantom... I don't think his memory gets wiped of the incident, but Danny does get in trouble for using the tech without asking and that makes him "lame" again in the eyes of the other high schoolers. I think that's meant to be the show's explanation for why it doesn't get brought up again later.

I'd love to consider what would happen if Dash had actually been more active within the ghost fighting community - I'm pretty sure he's one of those people who thinks it's "weird," so he'd probably need some convincing. But it would be super interesting if he learned that Danny was Phantom and joined the team! I'm not the first person to say this, but still. It would be cool. I did really enjoy in Trollhunters when Steve and Eli had just formed Creepslayerz but they were trying to keep it on the down low, and acted comically to cover their tracks. I imagine Dash would have to do something similar to keep his jock friends in the dark about Danny's secret... In general, DP never really gave us that big of a look into what Dash's life is like outside of school, other than throwing a party when his parents aren't around. If he joined the team in some way we'd be able to see more of his backstory and he'd become a much more fleshed out character!

And I know you didn't ask for my opinion on this, but I do wish that Steve had more development after the end of Trollhunters and 3Below. Like, he stopped bullying Jim and Eli, he got a girlfriend - and now we learn he's really scared all the time! And they make him kind of like a knight in Wizards but he's still like, terrified of everything, and bad at very simple tasks to an almost annoying extent. It makes me wonder if the trio really explained very much to him, because we didn't see any explaining happen on screen... and then it felt like they were hinting that Steve would learn some cool stuff from Lancelot, but that never happened. And WHY didn't Aja WARN HIM that he could become pregnant like that! That was so out of the blue too. I really liked how they had Steve develop as a character over the course of Trollhunters, so when he kind of stopped changing for most of the other TOA content, I was a little sad.

I guess this is just an appreciation post for bully characters that decide to become nicer. They deserve more love, for sure.

#ghostly posts #danny phantom #trollhunters #ask #theslayerbrother #theres definitely pros and cons between the two shows #generally trollhunters comes with better writing and pacing #most listings for dp have episodes out of order which doesnt help #with dp youve got a lot of lore dumps with hardly any explanation or elaboration #which i do feel leaves more room for fanworks to explore #trollhunters does come across to me as a better story with a stronger ending #and there's objectively less cringeworthy moments in TH #but also like. one of them is about ghosts and one of them is about trolls #they have different subject matter so ultimately the comparison cant go the full extent of saying theyre the same thing #cause they arent #they just coincidentally because of the 'teenage superhero' genre use similar tropes #and i like lookin at how those tropes apply to a world of ghosts #and a world of trolls.... two different things #i just also really love the strickler/vlad situations where theyre fighting the protag while the mom they wanna date is in the other room #very fun and silly even if the fight is serious sajgdhgsjh

[thatoneweirdo14]

SQUEALING

My brain is doing the rotting thing again

#shadow the hedgehog #maria robotnik #sonic the hedgehog #both top students #theyre in a study group together #change my mind #shadow goes to the corners if the globe to get her revision material #like #oh shadow if i had darkark's everything guide to biology like that one girl in class id pass for sure :(( #then he fucking runs to argentina to get it for her #he doesnt even use the stuff he buys he just helps her use it #“shadow you need to study too...” #“all that matters is that you pass this test” #then he somehow passes too bc ultimate lifeform knows all #he corrects the teacher and textbook bc he knows better than the false info the gov is tryna brainswash into you #:D

[drbtinglecannon]

Goddamn Alador's face here.

He said he hasn't had a day off in 5 years and it fucking shows in his appearance & demeanor -- things that were chalked up to just be his personality but are maybe actually signs of his suffering -- but when you see Odalia threatening to really put the kids to manual labor the palpable fear on his face is devastating. (Like, her own kids!!!! It probably would've fallen mostly on Amity as she's the one skilled with abomination, but also probably would've resulted in forcing the twins to get abomination sigil sealed instead of studying any of their actual interests)

I feel bad hating him before, like yeah he was neglectful to the point of not talking to his kids prior to this pivotal moment of him finally standing up to her, but with this context revealed he probably hasn't really had a chance to talk to any of them since like... Amity's bday party where they forced her to ditch Willow, lest they become worked like cattle too. He's beaten down and mistreated but if he just shoulders it all himself at least the kids won't get too much of the overflow abuse, right?

Makes you wonder what his side of the bargain was to keep her from exploiting the kids, or how it got to that bargain to begin with. If the closeness they displayed back at Hexside was ever genuine, or if Odalia sought him out specifically thanks to Oracle magic and seeing a wealthy future and it was all some long con, or if maybe it was genuine at one point but then eventually over time it rotted from the core and suddenly Alador found himself locked into this nightmare.

This reveal alone really gives a lot of justification to all of Alador's previous behaviors, and thanks to King of all people he finally got to get out of dodge and save the kids in the process. Good for him. Happy divorce, dude

#toh spoilers #alador blight #odalia blight #tho she aint a blight anymore huh haha #cant believe i like alador now but hes a sopping wet paper bag of a man w a sad backstory & cool aesthetic so. well this is classic me #i have to formally apologize to this sad man. we were led to believe he was also abusive but hes just sadly unable to save the kids #no wonder darius became a hater. like 'youre choosing THAT over ME? fuck this im out. gonna go become bffs w a furry & overthrow the govt' #but legit this really puts a whole new light over his everything up til this point & its so sad to see. he was shouldering it so much that #the kids clearly had no idea & thought he had any chance of reasoning with her about anything meanwhile he doesnt even get a lunch break #even if this is a rushed reveal cuz of disney cutting so much stuff i do appreciate the time to show both separating parents when its #legit for the best & men being victims in a relationship. there was a lot going on here but hes a very powerful ally to have & the kids #deserve at least one parent that doesnt suck #no one @ me about hating him before cuz it doesnt matter my opinion changed but also he was still framed as ultimately uncaring back then #now its revealed just how wrong that was. it wasnt that he was distracted he just legit wasnt allowed to do anything but work #toh #tc posts

[marsixm]

big spoiler cw for the finale- i understand why a lot of people didnt feel like it made sense for how ed was acting during izzy’s death scene, like it didn’t feel earned or whatever bc they’d been at odds w each other since last season, but for me, and understand i’m not saying my personal experience making it make sense for me is trying to give undue writing cred or whatever, but i had a very difficult relationship with my very transphobic/bigoted mother. she made my life a nightmare a lot of the time. but i had to care for her in death. i had to watch her die for months. it was a waking nightmare, and it had a profound effect on me. it was complicated. it made my relationship to my memory of her very complicated. (and even if it hadnt been a months long ordeal i was caught in the middle of i’d probably still feel similarly) and that’s how ed dealing with izzy’s death feels to me. just like him having to kill his father, it was the right thing to do, but it still left him with difficult emotions. when ed says “you’re the only family i’ve got left” to izzy, after all the bullshit they put each other through, i get it.

#death cw #ofmd spoilers #also so i dont make multiple spoilery posts #i do also get why it feels weird to have him die after all that growth #but everyone grew and changed all season #and someone going away doesnt change that- ie look at buttons. he’s gone but it’s not negative #and like izzy didn’t necessarily *want* to die #but him dying a pirate’s death. on the ship. with the crew. injured in a scheme against the english. it was a better way for him to go #than being killed by ed while he was at his lowest #bc he’s right blackbeard was ed AND him. so blackbeard cant kill izzy. and izzy cant kill ed. bc ultimately neither of them would kill #*themselves. #also i liked the set up of him telling the prince that speech. saying it doesnt matter if we live or die. because piracy will live forever #it means when the prince shoots him it doesnt feel like a victory for the prince. he doesnt get to win that easily #also the prince character is fascinating as a foil for stede bc stede was also betrayed and injured by pirates #and even went home #but when he went back to normal life he told stories about how great pirates are. not try to kill them all #anyway thats my little thought for right now #and like i say im not giving undue writing cred but also id be surprised if this wasnt an experience ppl making the show- at least someone- #wasnt considering when they wrote this. like they have an established complex history that a couple months of fighting isnt gonna erase

[probayern]

man it's amazing how trauma works

#we're doing layoffs again and even though i am literally leaving! i have 4 days left! #my anxiety is through the roof and i feel really unstable #it is crazy how that works #i need to remind myself that. this doesnt matter #i mean i do care about my friends who are still here but ultimately they need to make their own choices #and i can't control this at all #no matter how hard i try #im so glad im leaving but. gah #bella things

[friendhearts]

happy chaos is the test for if you are able to understand gg. If you watched xrd and upon watching strive, you think happy chaos is just a pretentious weirdo talking out of his ass and a bad character, then you failed the test

#guilty gear #i dont usually vaguepost but i keep seeing people like this and theyre really annoying #hc takes the series topics of subjectivity and individual human experiences to the extreme #every person has their own world in a sense and their own view of that world #this is a recurring concept in gg #while in a sense this means that no one person has an inherently more correct worldview than another #it doesnt mean that morals dont matter #its not possible to view every single persons world at once #people arent meant to do that anyway. thats what happy chaos is about #viewing every single persons world makes it so he doesn't have a view of the world anymore! thats what hc is about! #he is the series concepts taken to a harmful extreme. but ultimately built off the same concepts as the heroes #listen to find your one way again and tell me that isnt the case #thats why happy chaos works so well as a villain!! and its very much needed! #like. god. i get its a complicated subject but when you dont even SEE what it is #and then say its bad when you're unable to even recognize whats being said and therefore judge it properly #youre just making a fool of yourself good lord #why be so confident in its inadequacy #and say you could do it better when you dont even have a clue what youre looking at?? i dont get it. i really don't #soup speaks

[latchofficial]

awake at 6am. kept awake by getting incredibly frustrated over minecraft steve being in smash again

#lilytalk #he has no personality. there is nothing unique about him. he is nothinf #he is the face of the game and nothing beyond that #he is a mickey mouse. he is a paw patrol. he is a mascot for kids to buy merch of #most importantly. him being a mascot means HE IS NOT A VIDEO GAME CHARACTER #BECAUSE HE HAS NO CHARACTER #sorry. its been like 3 years. im still mad #he's the reason im never buying ultimate #thank fuck he's banned at least. shred of karmic justice #there's more i could say like how hard he clashes with how smash looks makes it even more obvious he is a bad fit #or how the devs had so little to work with theyvliterally had to just use the shitass model abd animations #i hate him. #every other character in the game. no matter where theyre from. have character. have personality. #steve doesnt. at all. hes nothing #and they took his cock away

[micwrs]

rotating akechi in my brain so hard

im afraid to try my hand at actually writing him but oh he is in my head. he's crazy. im crazy. and i would let him take my hand and lead me into the depths of our shared craziness

i diagnose him with bpd and he's in love with yet despises the phantoms

#how can they be so GENUINE #after ALL they have SUFFERED #how can they manage to find happiness with each other after all theyve been through. how can they CARE so deeply for others #others who ultimately dont even MATTER to them. others who are USELESS. #positive emotions make him sick yet he desires to feel them- deep down he truly does #at least i think he does. i think some part of him wants to be able to find that kind of happiness #he just doesnt believe he's able #and also he's so full of hatred and self-sabotage #hes like a self-fulfilling prophecy of misery i think #and i dont think thats something hed be capable of fully getting under control #i think hes doomed himself to misery bcs he refuses to try #i dont think hed have the conviction to make himself better-- which is funny bcs he has insane dedication to literally anything else #think thats part of what makes him have extra complicated feelings abt joker specifically #he keeps trying to push him away and joker refuses and it really ruins the self-destruction when those around you wont let themselves #just be pushed away or do whatever thing u want in order to fulfill that negative prophecy yk #im all over the place my head is just all over goro akechi rn bro #「that’s right everybody. it’s your favorite boy.」 ― out of character

[necromancers-incorporated]

Unholy disinterest, the opposite of divine intervention

#rey rambles #its like 2am rn and i have made decisions #there is no god but there is something out there #it doesnt care #could you really imagine something so vast and infinitely powerful that cared about something so small as humans? #or even condense its mind enough to even conceptualise something that is comparatively so infinitely small? #we will all die alone and we will all definitely die #it wont be some far off future version of you either #it will be you #so why the fuck do we care so much? #if we all we're going to do is exist in some blip some accident of fate or destiny or whatever and then die what's the point #why do we have to give everything a point? #isnt it enough to just live? #must we justify the fact that we breathe and see and hear and taste and touch and ultimately destroy because that is our nature? #because that is the nature of whatever thing made us #be it a god or an explosion something had to be killed for us to be here surely #matter must come from something and what a waste we are making of that things sacrifice #that is our true god #the thing that died to make us #and we will meet it when we too die and return to nothing and the world ends and begins anew in this pointless pointless cycle #cant we just live? #cant we just stop? #for a minute? #is it our curse to be always searching for a meaning because deep down we fear the mundane? we fear ourselves? #maybe there is a point #maybe that point is to break this cycle or at least try to #maybe our god laughs at us for this #or maybe it pities us #maybe it wants us to solve this problem of infinity and nothingness #infinity and nothingess are one in the same and we are an accident that was never meant to be and we hurt our god

[z0nic]

how come whenever i see cool sonic frontiers stuff i feel jealous

#like it feels like im not even a sonic (video games) fan anymore #you know. and im mad about it when i cant get nice things for what i like (archie sonic. pipe dream( #whateevr ultimately it doesnt matter sonic frontiers still looks baller and i still want to play it. but i know itll be more melancholy