#im just bitching about work

[starssystem]

Mondays really be something else, huh gang?

#bro why are we scheduled like thiiiiis #intake was gone for a week and everything is kinda fucked now #im so sad my week is going to be so bussssy #like damn this job is already hard enough #why are you scheduling 6 interviews on one day #maam #respectfully wtf #stars says #im just bitching about work

[ccorinthian]

fuck you ageism fuck you life ending at 30 fuck you makeup industry forcing us to feel bad about a natural process fuck you hustle culture fuck you instagram fuck you youtube fuck you glorification and deification of youth fuck you who make people feel bad for not having "achieved anything" in their 20s fuck you people who peaked in high school and try to drag everybody down by insisting it's all downhill after 19

#im not dedicating hours and days and weeks of my 20s of hard work on my mental health to cope w shit i went through #for some bitches on websites to tell me ill shrivel up and die when i hit 30 unless my life is perfect by then #youre not dragging me down to that mindset and i wont let your doom and gloom about turning older make me feel like shit !! #some of us have to rebuild ourselves from ground up and that shit takes time and thats FINE and if you think otherwise fuck off honestly #ageism is such a disgustingly overlooked aspect thats so ingrained in our culture and you need to recognise it #or you'll just feel worse and worse about yourself with every passing day bc guess what baby you cant go back!! #SICK of the negativity surrounding age on this website get yourself the fuck together honestly

[densewentz]

i think the turning point in my life both academically and professionally was realizing that. If you Go First, be it a presentation or an interview or whatever. If you go first, you are being judged based on NOTHING but yourself. They aren't comparing you to anyone else, you don't have an act to "follow". You are the Bar. You can literally just do the best you can and at that point it will automatically be the best they've seen so far. And once you're done you're done. You can mentally and emotionally check out.

Game changer insofar as being stressed about presenting because now I just bulldoze over everyone else to go first like a feral hog.

#its true though #all my anxiety about presentations got reduced SIGNIFICANTLY once I started fighting to be first #its Good Advice #this actually especially applies to people with unfinished work like #girl you do not want to watch 9 people with complete presentations go and then give your speech #just jump on that grenade early before they've had time to be impressed by anyone #and the fallout wont be NEARLY as bad #and then its over right away #also if youre a smug petty bitch like me #you can absolutely blow the performance out of the water #and bask in the absolutely traumatized expressions of everyone who has to go after you now #if im gonna be the bar im going to set it at the ceiling #sorry #so i guess the next lesson is you have to fight to be before Me and those Like Me #rip

[hazel2468]

I keep seeing people bitching about "uwu when I say 'from the river to the sea' people say I'm calling for geeenocide! They say I'm antisemitic!" and like.

Maybe. instead of clinging to a phrase that a bunch of white leftists have co-opted because they think it sounds nice. And digging your little immature heels in. You should LISTEN when people tell you that yes. The phrase's FUCKING ORIGIN was a call for the eradication of Jews from the area known as Israel and Palestine. That NO, you cannot divorce it from those roots. YES, it IS still used to mean that TO THIS DAMN DAY.

And look. Maybe you DON'T think that Israelis should all be killed and/or exiled from Israel and Palestine. Maybe you DON'T think that the genocide of an entire people is the solution. Maybe you DON'T hate Jews and want all of us dead. And if that's the case? Great!

But how the FUCK are we supposed to tell the difference when you are using the EXACT same phrase as countless people who DO want those things. People who DO hate Jews, who ARE supportive of organizations that want to commit violence, people who SUPPORT what happened on October 7th?

When people tell you "hey, this phrase means something else, it has ALWAYS come from those roots, and using it is NOT OKAY because it is STILL used as a rallying cry for violence against Israelis and Jews worldwide", the way to react? Is NOT to fucking double down and use it.

Because that? DOES make you an antisemite. And if I see you using that phrase? Then I MUST assume that at best, you do not know what it means and have SOMEHOW avoided the countless Jews and non-Jews I have seen talking about it, or at WORST you actively hate me and want me and every single one of my people dead.

And frankly? You are not worth that risk to interact with.

Stop saying it. There are SO many ways to support Palestine, the Palestinian people, and their fight for rights, that do not involve spouting genocidal, antisemitic rhetoric. it is NOT HARD.

But apparently, some of y'all are insistent on being racist.

#antisemitism #i/p #the phrase cannot be divorced from its roots #and if I see anyone complaining about it #I am just going to assume that you're a racist antisemite now #it's been long enough #saw someone bitching about not being allowed to have it up at work #and people railing the OTW for not allowing it and im like #ah so if I showed up with a 1488 patch and I got told I couldn't wear that #like #that's actually a GREAT comparison #because a LOT of people have no idea was 1488 means and think it's just a number #but the people who know what it stands for will take you using it as support for them #and btw it's a white supremacist and Nazi symbol #so when someone says hey you know that number isn't JUST a number #it has a lot of racist and violent connotations #the response is not to INSIST that you be allowed to use that damn number #it should be to go oh shit and ditch it #because YOU DON'T WANT FUCKING WHITE SUPREMACISTS THINKING YOU AGREE WITH THEM

[ibeewashere]

I genuinely cannot describe how deeply DEVASTATED I am about riz being the only one who can take stress tokens for the others. Yes fig is a protector and will fight endlessly for her friends and I love that about her but there is something about the way riz loves his friends. It’s a more subtle kind of love, but just as relentless and passionate and he will take any burden for the people he cares about and bear the weight of it on his shoulders so they don’t have to deal with it without any hesitation. I am ILL.

#the way that murph immediately volunteered to take a stress token for Kristen without skipping a beat #AND THEN HE TOOK A FUCKING SECOND ONE WHEN THEY STILL ROLLED BAD #something something you will dig until your own hands are bleeding something something #god that quote still haunts me I will never stop thinking about it I swear to god #he works so hard #and he doesn’t ever ask for any recognition or anything in return because just helping is enough #making sure the people he loves are okay is enough for him #this stupid little goblin man makes me want to throw up /pos #he just cares so deeply for everyone around him #i love him so dearly #my silly little fella #dimension 20 #fantasy high #d20 #riz gukgak #fantasy high junior year #OH AND DONT FUCKING THINK FOR A SECOND THAT IM NOT GONNA TALKING ABOUT GORGUG MOTHERFUCKING THISTLESPRING. BECAUSE THIS BITCH /aff #he’s going to have so many stress tokens by the end of this it’s so unfunny and it is making me unwell #I just. I just want them all to be okay and happy and not stressed and GODS they all need a fucking hug #they’re all traumatized and stressed and stupid and silly and I love them all so so much #eats them #puts them in a blender #throws them into a washing machine and watches them spin around #sobs violently #I’m so ill about them #sorry for the rant #i will be back #and I will talk more I’m not actually sorry that’s mb #the tags are like a whole ass paragraph of text but that’s okay #i just think they're neat

[aquickstart]

ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.

another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!

farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.

but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.

but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.

but the important thing is this.

farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.

farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.

the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.

as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.

but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.

and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.

to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).

to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.

and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?

but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.

the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.

so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.

#saltburn #farleigh start #i think someone mentioned how the race commentary was fleeting in that scene abt his mom but i disagree #it runs thru the whole movie #because oliver is white and because they're pitted against each other #im not saying its the best commentary ever and also like the movie is not about it at all #but it's there and it's pretty prominent #also on a completely different note can we talk about how oliver correctly assumed everyone at saltburn desires him carnally #dude pulled all the bitches by being strange and off-putting. i mean i completely get it. completely get it. i'd fold so fast you've no ide #also while i was writing i realized that yes indeed both farleigh and oliver perform for felix and its so fascinating #and it works for oliver because of course it does because hes white #anyway! again! let me know if this sucks #in like any way at all #i needed a masterpost of all and every thought i have about farleigh #i think this pretty much covers it so i'll let it go now #HES SO. like do you UNDERSTAND #the DEFINITION of doomed by the narrative but i LOVE that he survives #as he SHOULD #emerald is so right. he does come back and quickstart just torture each other in that house forever. besties for life #god im gonna shut up now this is so horrendously long #mine #saltburn journaling

[around-your-throat]

my ass is not getting into heaven with these pink haired pete wentz pictures on my computer dawg 🤣

#sorry if ive been psycho posting for the last few hours #<- actually i have noooo idea what ive been posting maybe i made 3 whole posts but it feels like a lot #was supposed to be working on my resume but ive just been on flickr the whole day #now im on smugmug which.. didnt know people actually use that site #feels like a photospam website. the quantity of pictures from 1 show is more than i see ever #which i guess flickr is like a portfolio thing and smugmug is for posting on your silly blog spot yadda yadda who cares #do you sometimes feel like you can/have to talk constantly and you notice that youre being annoying but you cant stop it from happening #like yesterday i noticed i was just starting a convo every 3 seconds and annoying everyone else. im like that dumb fairy from loz #hey look at this hey did you know hey do you ever think about hey hey hey. like shut the fuck up bitch damn

[transmascissues]

i’m going to be starting a job soon where it looks like almost all of my coworkers/bosses are going to be cis women and i am…terrified. especially since this is the job i’m going to have to get time off from for top surgery.

if there’s one thing i’ve learned over the almost ten years of my transition, it’s that a situation where i’m the only guy there is one where my gender is guaranteed to not be respected. it really feels like far too many cis women realize they’re alone with a trans man and just see it as an opportunity to act out some sort of power fantasy where they get to stick it to the big bad evil men by taking out their anger on the first man they see without the power to fight back. that or they decide you’re “just one of the girls” and will not hear otherwise, but honestly, given where i’m at in my physical transition, i have a feeling the former is more likely.

there was a time when i felt safer around cis women than around cis men, but now it’s just a different kind of threat.

#a lot of them are also. let’s say a very specific kind of cis woman #because of who this kind of job attracts #as a trans man but also as a disabled and mentally ill person…im not optimistic about how it’s gonna go #i was already deadnamed and misgendered throughout the physical for the job bc their system has no way to handle preferred names or anything #so uh. not looking too great right off the bat and im sure that’s just the beginning #it’s not a job im super jazzed about in general bc it’s in a setting that i have Lots Of Problems With and never wanted to work in #but a bitch needs money so. gotta suck it up and deal with a few months of transphobia ableism and general cognitive dissonance #i love capitalism! it’s so fun and cool and quirky! (said with the most lifeless voice you’ve ever heard) #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #trans men #transmascs

[corvidcas]

i think part of the reason people are so hateful about fat people is because theyre not fat, even though they put little to no effort into their diet and daily activity levels. even if they dont live healthy lifestyles and theyre not trying to, and theyre still a "normal" weight. and because theyre ignorant and resistant to learning about how peoples bodily functions vary wildly, anyone who is fat must have brought it upon themselves by being extra lazy or extra glutinous and if they were normal they wouldnt be fat and its soooo easy to not be fat because look at them theyre not fat. which is so fucking stupid because so many people complain about how skinny people exist without "earning" how skinny they are, theyre literally just like that even if they eat tons of food because they're trying desperately not to be skinny. but the opposite cant be true for fat people apparently. fatness is always a direct consequence of abnormal habits apparently.

#e.txt #tw fatphobia mention #i know people assume skinny people eat nothing all the time too but every skinny ass mf i meet is like omg i can eat so much and not gain #anything teehee #and i see so many skinny ppl will flood comments of fat positive ANYTHING talking about how they hate being skinny so much and eat so much #to try to gain weight but its not working #like skinny ppl wont shut up about how hard it can be to gain weight but god forbid a fat person suggest its hard to loose weight bc then #theyre just being lazy. #ppl will tell me i should eat less to lose weight meanwhile im living off an orange and a cup of nuts for brunch #and 1/2 salmon filet a cup of rice and veggies for dinner #and i walk 8 hours a day 3 times a week. #if i eat less i will get nauseous i will get dizzy i will get a migraine and i will be a bitch #yes obviously this is a personal grievance but like am i wrong? #rant #probably less than a cup of rice even i make a cup and then split it in half with my partner and sometimes dont even finish it

[deadliestpieceontheboard]

i'm only interested in kevaaron if the foundation of it is that they're both huge nerds and even huger assholes. they're pathetic men who are also overachievers and would drop anything on the spot to prove they're right. peak comedic couple.

#cue to them having arguments literally no one else would give a shit about #for the softer parts they're both insecure about similar things (overachiever consequences) #but like #i'm here for the crack part #also works if they just end up as salty bffs #aftg #all for the game #kevin day #aaron minyard #kevaaron #its over for you bitches im queueing shit

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

where's the crack au where stevies on real housewives as the wife of famous retired metal star eddie munson like. she'd fuck them up. going for that sweet down to earth insanely rich person persona but any time any of the other housewives tries to start shit with her she Shuts It Down

#tryna think about what her like. Intro Dumb Saying is i wanna incorporate her coming for a bitchs kneecaps with a baseball bat #steddie #transfem steve harrington #steve harrington #eddie munson #stevie harrington #stranger things #also she'd be doing a lot of charity work for like abused kids and lgbt rights especially trans rights #the housewives are like oh my husband hates when i buy things you relate right stevie #she's like man if i don't buy enough shit eddie gets pouty bc he thinks he's not being a good provider #she's one of the ones who's like my sex life is going GREAT thank you for asking #oh you didn't ask? im gonna tell you anyway we just bought a new sex swing way better lumbar support than the last one

[spearxwind]

Hi this is where I talk a bunch about ocs :D

I dont have a lot of time lately to talk abt lore but i still think abt my guys whenever i have some chill time to myself, so here's some patch notes. This is also just me thinking out loud haha

CD:

ive been playing w some changes for CD and seeing if they stick :] gonna make the story slightly more complex and the sides of the conflict also different (for example I am going to make hades and talas full on enemies at first along with connon, caval and silas >:3 (and I am also making silas and his monster form two separate characters so the lion (hal) is now a mount instead))

Specifically what I've been thinking about is making Hades either a ship captain or a first mate for a rogue ship. The deal with Hades is that he comes from a renowned family from Redbridge and is a disgrace to them. In previous versions of CD they were artisans but that never rly clicked for me, and recently I have been reworking Redbridge into a naval empire to add some 🤏spice 🤏to the world, which would mean Hades' family is actually a naval captain family putting him next in line to be one of them but since his thing is being a disgrace he takes off and becomes a rogue. And instead of hating leviathans he fucking hates hunters instead. Conversely, I think with these changes Talas would also NOT be inclined to kill hunters (or at least not as often as he currently does). He'd pick fights with the naval fleet and other similar factions instead which is more like his character.

I also wanna try and bring back an older concept I had where connon's ship was able to both become fully submerged (like the subs in sunless sea where her character originated from) and this other idea I had where a ship could split in half into two smaller ships. Like if a catamaran could split into two and flank a vessel on both sides. But we'll see if I can make this work x)

Dragons (broken horizon + extinction):

I vaguely mentioned this a while ago as well but I've also been thinking abt my dragons and how I kinda want them to all be in one world/setting, which includes both my broken horizon guys (cer, jarek, octane, etc) and my extinction guys (alex, c, orion, etc) but I dont know how to deal with all of the conflicting lore and themes.

Because for extinction the big theme is there are people who can turn into dragons, and technically all of the dragons' powers are based on energy (for lore reasons). Meanwhile for my other dragons I have a few different elements or other ways of using fire (eg instead of using straight up fire/energy, my oc Jarek can breathe out gas only and ignites it with his mandibles).

I miss all my dragons a lot so I kinda wanted to make a world for them where I could have them Vibe and do different stories in so I thought about having a dragon-only universe but unfortunately Extinction has a pretty huge human element that I cant just eliminate.

It feels counterintuitive, i know the first logical choice is 'just let them be different things' but I genuinely feel like the right choice is to put them both together so the characters can interact and the whole story can be deeper because as it is both are really shallow and I would really like for them to work together so that's what I've been picking at for some months now (it's um. been real slow)

For these two stories I do have two different vibes though that I've been wondering how to weave together nicely bc they overlap for some characters. For broken horizon I had flying and aerial racing as a big theme (and some of the chars in extinction would be rly into that) and for extinction I had dragon arena fights as a big theme (and some of the characters in bh would be rly into that) both of these is another of the reasons why I wanted to put them both together bc it feels like they can fit very well I just have to find the right idea for them to click and then itll be smooth sailing -w-

I also wanted to talk abt this in hopes that talking abt all the dragons gets me to think more about them as well

I wanted to make this post bc I've been really busy lately and rly absent from here in general and I don't have as much time to draw (or even think abt ocs) anymore but I still wanted to keep posted about what's been going on in my head and hopefully get some eyes on it and maybe even some feedback if anyone is so inclined

If u read this whole thing thank u i owe you my life fr I hope u enjoyed reading abt my patch notes :D and hopefully sometime in the future I can get back to drawing concepts and stuff or maybe even writing stuff

#thunderclap #oc ramble #challenger deep #broken horizon #long post #whew this took so long to write and i dont even know if its gonna make ANY sense to anyone auuggggg #ive been thinking a lot about CD in my off time recently I want to make it GOOD i wanna make it COMPLEX i have a lotta good insp lately #so im hoping to make some good and much needed changes #and i also think abt my dragons a lot they just like. float at random in my head in cool scenes and i have no way to bring it all together #AND THAT MAKES ME MAD!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE!! I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT FIT AUUUGGHGHHHH!!!! #i also think abt octane and alex being rivals a lot now it actually fits so much. radioactive bitches. fusion vs fission. #generation vs combustion. white and black. both still orange. please please i need this to work sooo bad #ALSO C AND ARC AND JAREK AND DIMA WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL I KNOW IT I DO AUGH

[the-sparkling-diamond-satine]

i'm only kinda sorry but if i'm reading fanfic and the writer puts faith in a dress without a Very Good Reason (ex. the mayor made her wear it, she's trying to impress buffy, she's a bridesmaid in somebody's wedding) i am taken out of it so quickly. that tiny detail bugs me so much what are you even doing?? faith hates dresses!!!! free her!!!!!

#faith lehane #fuffy #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #she was only in 26 episodes and yeah her writing can be kinda all over the place but this is one very solid thing we learn about her #it just feels like such a fundamental misunderstanding of the character #like the writer went 'girls wear dresses. the end.' and just moved on #did u even watch the show?? #do you even know faith lehane?? #btw i am joking #im not trying to be a bitch and of course i would never leave a comment on somebodys work because its obvious they worked hard on it #tbh a lot of the time the fics are Really Good besides this one detail so actually. good job writers youre doing great!!! #i just needed to scream into the void for a sec #as a fellow girlie (gn) who hates being forced to wear a dress #beatrice.txt

[kaladinkholins]

mizutaigen is literally like. the first "toxic" m/f ship i've ever cared for. cuz like usually my taste in m/f ships is basically "unhinged baddie" x "badass wifeguy" *

* (see:yen/geralt. trevor/sypha. adolin/shallan. kataang but katara is sane and they're literally so wholesome like theyre traumatised kids in love who are each other's emblem of hope in a war-torn world! so basically they don't count. anyway. i'm rambling.)

and to that end my friend called mizutaigen yaoi-adjacent and im like. yeah you're right actually cuz like hell yeah non-binary mizu and bisexual taigen rights and all the gender fuckery in the show in general

but also like.

theres just SOMETHING else about mizutaigen that just GETS me. like there's a special secret sauce like the pheromones in that one sephora lotion attracting spiders and i am the silly spider!!! there's just something about it!!! it's not even the enemies to lovers trope cuz i personally am not even usually into that (obv it's fine if you are. but yk.)

so as i keep rotating these thoughts around i thiiink it's the fact that, yknow, theyre so similar. like i honestly truly think they could be besties in another universe: a kinder universe where taigen was not taught to hate. a universe where mizu was not born a girl in a deeply misogynistic society or half-white in a xenophobic homogeneous society.

yeah now that i think about it that really just might be THE secret sauce!!! like the fact that they COULD be perfect and happy together, if only things were different, if only they werent themselves.

smth v bittersweet about that's just driving me insane and makes me want to root for them to overcome all those obstacles, to say "fuck all that" (re:the world and all its fucked up shit) and find each other in the end. to eventually become each other's fav person and confidant. who obv still bicker and tease and insult each other all the time but they dont really mean any of it and over time it just becomes a running gag between them and no one else has to get it because it's just between the two of them.

#mizu x taigen #taigen x mizu #taimizu #[clenches fist] it's about the POTENTIAL of it all!!!!! #like taigen's last words in s1 being 'we're not done yet' like ?!? has me WANTING to see more. wanting to see them grow with each other #like i want taigen by the end to be ridiculously head over heels WHIPPED and SMITTEN willing to die and kill and just be BETTER. for mizu. #mizu. the person who changed his entire life. his entire worldview. pulled the rug from under him and made him a man forever changed. #to overcome his selfishness so he can be mizu's HOME in a world that doesn't allow her one #i want him to end up deciding like. 'on purpose. im going to love you on purpose.' #and mizu no matter how much she tries to convince herself that she cannot love or be loved. ends up accepting it anyway #love as work and violence but also love as rest and safety #and also bcs taigen represents the ideals of society. him willing to change & grow also represents society's potential to change & progress #LMAO okay sorry i absolutely cannot stop rambling about these bitches the brainworms are insane #bcs i just noticed that other mizutaigen enjoyers tend to also be in the same fandom circles for ships that i just. do not like. at all #and wondered like huh. i wonder why that is. and wondering what makes mizutaigen different #idk just ignore me i dont even know if im making sense my brain is goop from working on my research proposal #shut up haydar #fandom.rtf

[adanaac]

love to do wiki work. hate doing it. love hating it. hate loving it.

(my fun little js project that im way too proud of. i love to click buttons)

#i have to keep stopping myself from going on 2 hour research tangents on what exactly byakkos fit is #and when exactly china invented the four gods (somewhere between 2000BC and 1 kajillion BC) #“why do u do this stuff if ur always bitching about it” well u see i love loving it. #also “well someone else will probably do it” was also the attitude i had in 2018 about both translation and the wiki #and then fuck all happened in the next 3 years which is why im here now #and also bitching about it is my love language <3 would never bitch about something i dont love #anyway my life has just been working on the wiki for the past month i think im a husk of a human being

[opens-up-4-nobody]

If accommodations no longer help you, I'm curious at what point they stopped being helpful.

#bc for me: once u get to the graduate level its like sink or swim bitch #u have to fucking read and nothing is gonna make it easier so fucking read or find a different job #i dont kno how u accomodate a grad student. like u have things that have to happen. u cant just let someone not do their job they got hired #to do. so like u just select for ppl who arent extremely disabled bc i just dont think u could do it otherwise #u would b too bad at ur job. every prof i say im dyslexic to is like: oh! r u registered with the disability office? #and im like no. wtf would they even do for me. im sure i could get lots of accommodation stuff but functionally i just have to suck it up #and work harder. but im also fucked up about having a learning disability so like maybe im just being difficult #idk. most ppl dont wanna do jobs that they weren't designed for and cause them so much pain. but like i said. im sorta fucked up #learning disability #dyslexia #dyscalculia #adhd #dyspraxia #dysgraphia #poll #polls #unrelated