#im gonna see a lot of people that have missed me

[savage-rhi]

🤦‍♀️

#my brain is being a dumb horse again #pre-con anxiety is legit like post-con depression #i haven't done this since the plague #feels new all over again #okay dumb horse repeat after me #im gonna have a good time #im gonna experience new things #im gonna see a lot of people that have missed me #im gonna meet new people #I'm gonna network #I'm gonna be silly and not be ashamed #im gonna raid all the delicious food and drink #im gonna rock both my cosplays #we aren't dying theres no need for existential dread right now and there's plenty of future cons and experiences we will have #before we shuttle off this mortal coil #itll be okay #no panic attacks in the club tonight pls

[problemcore]

been real cloudy here, without any rain

#halfway thru this i realized i was drawing myself and not gumi and i had to take a moment and re-gumi-fy the drawing #cant help being a gumi kinnie i guess U_U #dnoodles #vocaloid #i guess? idk i dont think a lot of people will reblog this. i actually kinda hope not. #hello dear followers #yea wow i have um. not been drawing at all lately. #not even simple doodles. i couldnt even pick up a pen. #so i sat down. turned on my favorite music. and drew what i wanted. #not what i wanted to see as the result #but what i wanted to let out of my system. #i dont really care if this looks good or bad. i dont care how messy the lines are. i dont care about the colors or the background #i just wanted to have a good time drawing again. and have a good time i did :) #i have a big drawing ahead of me i need to do. that i Want to do. #im scared of it not turning out good. especially since its for a friend. especially since im being paid for it. #but. im gonna let myself enjoy it. sink into the feeling and let the pen move on its own. indulge in the joy of creation. #i missed art. i missed posting. #sometimes i think about how i was able to crank out so many drawings in high school. #not without extreme determent to my grades of course. but still. i was drawing So Much. and i utterly loved it. #i still wish i could go back to that. perhaps i will. perhaps i wont. #but i want to let that wish go away. and. i guess. start a new chapter. #reinvent my relationship with art. #its going to be bad. its going to be messy. its going to hurt your eyes. and its going to be fun. #WOW okay that was an essay. thank you for reading. #im gonna go eat something and. actually get back to drawing. hehe

[sofarsogoodsowhat]

Guy who is moving today (me)

#oh god. oh god. oh god im fucking scared i am moving to the fucking midwest and i do not want to #i mean i want to. im moving in with my boyfriend i am so fucking excited i miss him i love him so fucking much but god dammit why does he ha #have to live in ohio. babe if you see this im killing myself just letting you know. anyway oh my god #i have lived in the same city my entire. fucking life so this is like #a lot for me to deal with its fucking terrifying #i know im gonna be fine its just. holy shit?????? like this is really actually happening im fucking moving in with my boyfriend i am getting #out of this stupid piece of shit city im getting OUT. IM GETTING OUT!!!!!!!! SO MANY PEOPLE NEVER GET OUT OF HERE AND IM GETTING OUT!!!!!!!! #IM GETTING OUT IN LESS THAN TWELVE HKURS MY FLIGHT LEAVES AT 1:31PM

[wayward-sherlock]

me remembering the majority of my first couple of months on this site were defined by people who are no longer in my life anymore :

#like . idk why ive been thinking abt them a lot recently but i have #maybe cuz im working on Something that they don’t get to enjoy because they’re petty and refuse to see anything created by me anymore. idk #maybe it’s cuz im finally doing ok without them. making new friends. having new moots. enjoying life more without their company!! #if you know who im talking abt. you probably do. but if you do just ignore #bc i don’t want my experiences with these two to define your opinions of them 👍 im trying to be more mature than that #but at the same time. so much of me wants to call them out and name drop. but i won’t. #because im moving on and honestly? i hope they’re not moving on from me. so they can see what they’re missing !! #anyways . this was brought to you by a pep talk i needed to hear that nobody’s gonna give me #thank u and goodnight #🫧🪴 #wayli vague posts #except it’s Directed at People #edit to clarify : if you can see this post. i am not talking abt you don’t worry #the people im talking abt blocked me so they can’t see if so if you can see this it’s not about you !! #all of my current moots are wonderful mwah <3 💕

[imflyinoveryou]

living with em just has me in this irrational , constant oscillation of idealization and genuine resentment and it’s not fair to them nor myself.. i can’t wait to put space between us ! and i can’t wait to have clarity that brings far more love into my relationships with them.

#and everytime i start to feel like they stole my life from me i gotta remember that like; while unfair; they kinda needed me more than i #i needed to (have a life) as dumb as that sounds #cause now they’re still the same broken people and i actually have all the chances in the world that they never did #and that is so fucking heartbreaking cause they deserve the world you know #so i can’t hate them for not knowing how to be parents. they never stood a chance #idk it feels like all of my sacrifices were in vain bc they’re still struggling but at the same time #they’re sincerely healing in real time. it’s cool to see. #it’s all on their own accord though i have had no part to play in that #and it took me all this time to realize it? #im so angry that they molded me into such an obedient and quiet kid who was too scared to do anything for myself #and they never actually needed me but they convinced me and themselves that they did #and I’ve missed out on so much life. granted I am so young and no one is truly responsible but myself for falling for that bullshit #im just grieving. and there’s a lot to grieve man. #anyways I’m gonna go shopping muahahaha

[possiblytracker]

damn. i really thought i already had the "youre probably never going to see any of your uni friends again after you move out this really and truly is the end of the most vibrant and healthy irl social life youve ever had. and likely will ever have again" breakdown done and shelved but i spent today hanging out with a few friends from my course who are leaving this week to say goodbye and i dont. know how to process it completely. im trying to make the most of everything while im still here but every interaction feels so bittersweet it's genuinely gnawing at me

#vent/ #this is probably not the last time i will have this crisis either. right up til graduation. itll keep happening over and over again #i had a miserable social record all through secondary school im not exaggerating when i say university literally taught me how to #make friends and open up to people in places that werent the internet (or having it pried out of me by more enthusiastic people) #and now its like. ah. right. thats over. where do i go from here. #late june through early august is gonna be completely fine i just need to not lose my mind until then #but after that.. well i am not having a great time thinking about it #living on my own seems miserable but i dont know anyone in This country well enough to make roommate plans #and. well i will stop here before i talk myself into a spiral but man. this is why my social energy is still through the floor #i love my online friends to death but the past few years have taught me everything is so much better with a varied diet as it were #i will not Die if i have to go back to 24/7 discord recluse im very grateful to have good friends in my puter #but god. i will miss Seeing people. very very badly #im sorry i know not responding to messages seems counterproductive rn but. idk i have a lot of wires crossed;; #ill work it out eventually #im the cheetah threatening to go insane in captivity i need someone to put one of those dogs in my enclosure/j

[pepprs]

last few hours in boston :(

#purrs #conference tag #we literally just got here and now we have to go 😭💔 i havent rly felt as enriched by this conference as i have in the past (though there’s #still 2 more sessions to go to incl the closing plenary and we’re getting lunch in the station before the train ride home) but ive walked #around so much and have spent time with people i love and some people i miss. and have been on adventures i have been looking forward to for #a rly long time though i am kinda bummed i never made it down to fanueil square. but… idk what happiness feels like anymore but maybe for me #it’s just absence of misery and despair. or contented ness. i have gotten a little triggered from time to time these last few days and ive b #been lonely in my hotel room but MAN it has been nice to not be miserable and suffering and to take walks and to not go to every session (ev #even though i do feel bad abt it like i missed 2 plenaries and an afternoon concurrent session which is more than i usually miss) and to #be in this city which feels so much like brighton and so uncity like in some ways. it’s so charming and omg i went to harvard and it was #NOTHING like what i imagined it to be / feel like.. just a quaint artsy quirky town. and the rest of the places ive been have been like that #too. and people LIVE here every day!!!!! there’s a big beautiful world here both above ground and below!!!! and im gonna be late to #breakfast but… i just feel nourished and healed in a way i wasn’t expecting to. I haven’t been this far away from home in 3+ years and #it’s just been really nice being somewhere else and going on adventures and seeing things surviving. i miss my grandparents a lot and im sad #to not be visiting them and to be unable to visit them now lol but it’s just rly nice and special being here. im goingto miss it so much and #im trying to savor every second. i wish we had one more day here and im a little sad to be going home lol #* what i meant when talking about happiness earlier is that i think… i have been happy these last few days. for the first time in a really #really long one. and that’s nice. it’s good to be happy again. and good to be here

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

#one other thing is i dont even dislike my actual job... like the baking part and seeing dogs and stuff #ive always had issues with the management but i felt like i didn't have to handle it that much bc im not full time #but now they're maming me handle it #like if they just let me bake my little dog treats in peace i could hang back and let the full time employees attack them #which they kinda have lol but also they've kinda just quit too #but a lot of people there are paying rent or tuition or all of their own food and working 40hrs a week #they need their jobs and they deserve to be treated better !! i never truly needed this job bc i live at home #i enjoy it bc im baking !! let me just be a shadow and bake #but now i need it more bc im saving to move... #and im not a baking shadow anymore!! they hate me!!!! ok well what if i just quit!!!!! #but its so scary and getting a new job is scary and im gonna miss baking so much #anyway ❤️

[semercury]

I don't want to be at work I want to be home writing some silly little words.

#stuff sarah says #jk id probably be working on an s+ run in re/4/r #(tryna not get picked up by tags) #but we finished the cle/on movie/mini series last night and it breathed new life into my fic idea #tbh i was sad there was just crumbs but i think thats all any shipper gets with this series #but i wanted to write this fic before i work more on my cringe fic bc its short #and i love instant gratification #and i have a title. its some fu/n. lyrics if that tells you the mood... #''if youre right here why do i miss you so much?'' #and with ''now i just wait for you to talk to me but you wont even look at me baby'' as some ~flavor text~ #came up with the fic by being like ''they should get smoothies together :)'' with the bestie #and now im gonna make it sad #babe if you see this i def will send you snippits as i write the rough draft #anyway. i dont want to be at work for a lot of reasons #it feels weird. theres too many people here tonight #and i think we're gonna get done super early with stuff we needed to do? #idk. id rather be home #i dont want to work anymore ever. i think i should be paid for having amazing takes on fictional characters #and being mildly interesting to talk to and being bad at video games but still having a good time #that last one is a real talent. real gamers take their L's #anyway

[1o1percentmilk]

every cell in my body tells me to quit my job and major and become a nurse or lab tech but i stay strong

#the nature of me is that i do everything passably well and so that means i can do mostly everything. but mediocre-good-but-not-the-best #so i mean. im pretty flexible as long as i dont have to talk to a lot of people or be in unexpected situations #ill see an industry with a million missing workers ask if anyones gonna take that and not even wait for an answer #hilarious how i already knew this in high school and went into an oversaturated field anyways #ah well theres no harm in a cs degree might come in handy later #i just need to take more classes that dont make me want to die! #and maybe are actually useful to society #milk (normal)

[woahajimes]

its kinda like

#i still sorta want him but i think i want him to want me more #anyways. i love being a cashier #my life is going downhill but its ok bc nothing really matters #all my classmates think im stupid but im not gonna see them after hs #i wanna go live in da city #my braces new color (hot pink) make it look like my mouth is bleeding since i wear pink lip shades all the time #back to the cashier part! i get discounts at certain restaurants and i meet new people everyday #its helped a lot with stranger anxiety but like in the social interaction way #i love helping others gawddamn #its automatic that i say ''have a great day'' #i feel like thats such a nice thing #whenever customers tell me to take care im just like wow. maybe i will #whenever i feel stumped i remember this lady that spoke spanish and i helped her get groceries in her car and she gave me a bracelet and #told me to take care of it and i dont wear it but god god god #i #nothing makes sense #there's something im MISSING HERE #i can't open my eyes very well today bc i cried all last night (we booked tickets to visit home for the summer) (it's been 5 years!) #my grades are dropping but god it doesn't fucking matter #god

[skrunksthatwunk]

somebody's probably already talked about this but i cant get that fucking mountain goats post outta my head and ive been talking to myself about love as a central theme of frankly most art but especially the art i love the most and i got to undertale and i need to talk about it

god it's all about love. wanting love, not wanting to lose it, grief, hope, determination, it's all fucking love in like 8 different hats. it's the monsters' love they show you (the mercy they show you) that allows frisk to help them get their freedom, it's the player's love for them that brings mercy in the first place, it's all fucking love.

flowey only got his power to reset from dying with his sibling after an act of love for them and you know what he did? he spent years of his life interacting with the people and world as much as he could, in as many ways as possible. he loved being with them and wanted to experience everything because everything was worthwhile to him because of love. and that greed for love led to oversaturation, led to boredom, led to him hurting people to feel anything in that absence of love. he never stopped loving chara, y'know? he was always looking for someone else to play with, someone who could make him feel like nothing had happened. so much so that he follows frisk throughout the underground, insists on keeping them and you there as much as possible, both bitter and needy. and he has to admit that frisk isn't chara to move on. you're not them. they're gone. asriel's gone, too, or will be after this. it's love for chara that leads him to break the barrier, as it was for asgore to try and stop you, and for toriel to take you in at the beginning and the end. it was the desire for love that kept him from letting go, and that caused him to harm so many, as it was for alphys, undyne, asgore, toriel, etc. him, arguably more than anyone else, hurt people out of desire for love and grief over it. and it's him acknowledging that desire and letting it go when it hurts people that sets everyone free.

it is love that makes you go back through the underground, calling papyrus and undyne and toriel in every room just to see their different responses. it is love that leads you to check everywhere before finally ending the game. it is love that leads you back to where your friends are standing, talking about how they've been changed by you, about how the love between you has led to this. it's love that makes you end it to see them happy, and curiosity (which in this case is often just greed for love) to some extent.

and it is love and greed for it that brings you to the reset screen. and flowey, whose desire for love almost consumed everything, that kept the people he loved from their happy endings, from their futures, that asks you to reconsider. having seen all you have, having seen his mistakes, and how happy your friends are now, are you willing to put your desire for love above their happiness? above their freedom? will you make the same choice as him after seeing what harm it caused, after finally getting what you wanted? because whatever reason for resetting you have, it'd probably boil down to love in some way. love for the characters, for the game (experience or lore), etc.

flowey's downfall, to some extent, was in the apathy that came from overconsumption. instead of cherishing the life he had, he had to know the rest. he couldn't let it lie, couldn't find peace about it and move on. he had one life, as do you, as do (in theory) these characters, one you would at that point snatch from them by resetting. flowey's asking you to think twice about whether or not you want to control them, to play with their lives for your own happiness. even if it is out of love.

because it always is.

#god idk does this make sense. fuck #i really like this game guys #idk i havent thought that hard about it in a while or maybe ever but it's soo so good god holy shit #xoxo sincerely someome who hasnt and maybe cannot play anything but true pacifist #yeah being in the ut fandom at like 12 was A Lot at least partially bc of how fucking HARD ppl go with resetting narratives #anyway i think it's cool #games and interactive media in general have so much power to engage the audience with and undertale rocks it with the best of em #literally so beautiful gggahrhuhaghg #the villain asking you if youve learned from his mistakes and pleading with you to not repeat them after all that is just #hhhhhh #i just think it does it really really fucking well #god #undertale #utdr #sheesh #sorry not gonna edit this its like 3am. youre getting the mush #im honestly rusty/never was that deep in ut lore so if i fucked up thats why #asriel's story fucked me up so bad as a kid and STILL fucks me up and now i kinda understand why a bit better #he just wanted to love people he just missed his sibling he just loved the way things used to be so much he did everything he could to #bring it back and it came back all fucked up. maybe theres a reason you only see the true lab in this route huh #and like with the amalgamates you can and should still love what's left. you cant make it what it used to be #but it is always worth loving anyway. #always fucked me up that you have to leave asriel though #flowey still deserves love. is it punishment by the narrative? is it tragedy? idk.. #he's stuck in the underground he forced everyone to keep reliving #but idk. wish he got out. i hope he's well now #and yes im aware these are fictionl characters but the game wants you to treat them like theyr real and you should consider their happiness #and i feel like if you missed that then you didn't get undertale yk #and i think most people can compartmentalize their love for these guys and doing the other routes and that's fine #i just choose not to specifically for this game bc it confronts you about it. it's not completely passive (or acts like it)

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

I do think one of my favorite parts about work is having people who I can be like omg you would Not believe what is happening rn in my life to and they’re like oh my god really??

#today on that is I actually cannot stand where I go to college and am not happy about going back #though I’m glad to get out of my house #and I was like maybe I should take a gap year. oh. I’d still have to live with my mother than. nvm #and one lady was like aww but I’ve met ur parents they’re fun! and I’m like oh bestie u wanna hear the latest on my mother??? #which would be that she left for 4 days said it was bc of me and then claimed she never said that and thinks everything is back to normal #and she’s like oh! oh wow. i did not get that impression #i just gotta. watch what I say a little bc my dad and the owner r friends #not that I have anything bad to say about my dad #my mother however……. don’t get me started #my mother saying all that is old news but I do like people to have context before they decide she seems like a very nice person #im working maximal hours still im out of here lol #but they didn’t schedule me!! so now im trying to take peoples hours #but it didn’t occur to me that I should like. pick and choose the days. like I should be putting in more effort to work days my friends do #everyone I really wanna see is there on my last day which makes me happy #i am gonna miss my friends a lot #i managed to weasel my way into my manager just like. giving me all of Wednesday to work. despite them not really needing me #she’s like wellll I’m managing so no one will say anything #like ok bestie thank u #now I just need to steal someone’s Friday morning #soup talks

[mxdotpng]

ive been playing tales of arise lately and hmmm im not sure how i feel about the game. i think i could summarize my thoughts as "just okay" but i dont think thatd be right either

#.text #tales #its like ummm. the first few hours of the game are rlly boring to me ❤️ #i got out of calaglia and the game felt a lot better to play. i tended to play abt 90 minutes at a time while still in calaglia and #it took forever to get out of there bc it was just ummm. boring. #and i cant say cyslodia is much better tbh i feel like its generally the same but also no its not? it feels more fluid and #i think the characters feel better in this part. its weird. im not sure how to describe it #when i looked up the game to see how people thought of it it was more or less just a lot of 'has anyone even played this game' and 'no' #which isnt bad u know but i think its RLLY fuckin funny. ive seen some people say it gets rlly good but also i just dont see it yet #i mean i bought it so ofc im GONNA finish it. like the idea they have seems rlly cool... a guy who's memories are seemingly #sealed away inside the indestructable mask hes forced to wear and who can feel no pain. & a girl who inflicts pain upon everyone #she touches. i think shionne suffers a bit from her character writing but she has moments that make her really shine so #im not gonna judge her too hard for it yet. emotions also might be tied to her curse so u know. like i said. not judging yet. #and tbh i think id say the exact same for alphen. sometimes hes really interesting and fun and other times he feels really #stagnant and emotionless. ray chase is doomed to play the exact same character for every role hes in #he was at his best when he played brother nier in replicant and i can see pieces of that in alphens character as the game goes on so #im willing to wait for him as well. rinwell is really cute even if her and shionne's relationship is annoying. i see where its coming #from but i also just hate it when women in media Hate Eachother. what i have against those 2 is literally JUST me so u know #like i said 'just okay' isnt. Accurate but it also ISNT accurate. i dont know how to describe it. #i feel like what they wanted to go for in terms of story and themes was missed for the first part of the story by like a lot #not sure what my feelings are for that one but they arent positive. but like i just think calaglia overall sucked #its weird. like the writing REALLY feels like they just started Actually Caring once we got to cyslodia. its strange #but like whatever. ill See. ill see. eventually. probably. #summary: noctis lucis caelum is in this game.

[strangeangel22]

i love being transgender i love doing my silly little t shot every week i am so proud of who i am and what ive done to get to where i am now I LOVE BEING TRANS!!!1!!!1!😸😸😸

#sometimes i feel like im a weird percived combination of ‘experienced’ and ‘not experienced’ in being transgender #heavy on percived i know who i am LAMFO #ive been out chronologically and age wise the longest out of everyone i know im pretty sure #i started socially transitioning when i was 12 yk #was fully ‘out’ (specifically in school) by before high school at 14 #and changed my name legally last year and started t this year at 17 #but some people just see that last year as me being properly trans #not even properly trans just like. as if i was only starting my transition now #and i dont think thats very accurate #and sometimes i feel a lil inferior to guys in my life who have been on t and have been ‘undeniably’ trans for longer #(boy if ur reading this ur not included like on god but also unblock me lets be mooties i miss you) #but sometimes i have to just sit back and remember i got this and it doesnt actually matter what they think OR even if i was a ‘baby trans’ #or whatever #ive been trans for like a third of my life. #like half of my cognitive conscious life. #i got this!!! #and even if i didnt thatd be okay too cus we all get there eventually #that is a lot of yapping for me saying i feel embarassed celebrating doing my t shot every week cus im so early and jts not doing anything #but maybe i can have some fun anf joy in life #and maybe being transgender isnt inherently miserable #on a happier end note #me and my friend had our hrt appointments on the same day and started a few days apart #so we r now transition buddies and yap at eachother abt injections vs gel and what ‘changes’ were getting and its really beautiful #its nice to have community #and people who do not see u as a little transgender infant just cus u werent fortunate enough to go on t at an even younger age #than the incredibly fortunate 17 #but hey what doesnt kill you makes you stronger i suppose and i think hrt is gonna feel reslly fucking good after 5 years of waiting #and im so fortunate im in this position and am grateful every day to not only be awesome and transgender but also on hrt!! #yaaayayayayayay!!!!

[infizero]

also having now actually seen the whole thing adventure time has skyrocketed into one of my favorite shows ever. like for real i liked it as a kid and have always had a fondness for it ever since but rewatching it now has made me realize Just how fucking good it is and how unlike anything else it is. its so good and appeals to ME specifically in so many ways please for the love of god if you haven't watched adventure time WATCH IT. WATCH IT RIGHT NOW

#ALSO. i think i may have mentioned this before but i really do think AT has one of the best senses of worldbuilding and continuity #i've seen in a cartoon. other than like steven universe maybe (gee i wonder how that happened) #but seriously like the fact that its able to be so goofy and weird a lot of the time while still constantly keeping in mind all these thing #and having them inform the story and world in realistic ways is so good it has really blown my mind #nothing is ever retconned nothing is ever forgotten about. even the seemingly most meaningless things will still be remembered #and referenced by the characters because thats how people are!! they dont just have stuff happen to and around them and then never #bring it up again!! but they also dont constantly go ''remember when we did xyz?'' stuff just comes up naturally if it makes sense #for it to do so. and i think thats so fucking incredible and admirable #AT's flavor of weirdness and comedy and raw emotion is something so wonderful and perfectly aligned with how i like my stories #and it really does have a vibe that is unlike anything else. i am going to cry thinking about it #like the closest thing i can think of. and lord forgive me but im being genuine in terms of vibes closest thing i can think of that #i've experienced at least is dsmp. in the way that there are things that are so fucking dumb and strange and things that are so gut #wrenchingly emotional and beautiful and simple and often those things are intertwined. its stupid and weird and funny and sad #its silly its dark its fun its tragic #something about both of them just feels like a representation of the human spirit in its purest form to me. they impact me the most #because they represent all sides and experiences of existing #idk. but ive always felt like this even before i got into AT again. i said a while ago if dsmp was made into a show it would HAVE to #be an adventure time style cartoon. and every time i see fanart drawn in the AT style or whatever it makes me so happy even now #ANYWAYS. sorry to derail but i really have missed the vibes of the dsmp and in a weird way AT felt a lot similar and i really love that #FUCKKKK not me getting emotional over the indominable human spirit. im gonna go saw my legs off BYE I LOVE ADVENTURE TIME #serena.txt