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justyouraverageomniversedreamer · 2 years

Note

In the first part of my ask I was referring to what post-resurrection characters had said about the Jiang clan. Basically, association with Wei Wuxian almost cost the Jiang to get annihilated by the Jin. It's rather obvious that the Jin were the most powerful at the time and the Jiang couldn't afford to go against them. In one scene pre-seige, even the Lan are shown as unable to go against the Jin. This is because the Jin joined in the war late and lost less people and resources during the war. That, combined with the Nie being pro-wei-wuxian's death meant that no one could afford to stand with Wei Wuxian.

yeah i had though that way of talking about the situation looked familiar

i hope you can bear with my rambling here, i haven't had a proper conversation/discussion about something im interested in in probably ever, or maybe i just talk like this who knows

anyway, to be clear i dont hate jiang cheng for (most of) the decisions he made like to understand his though process you'd have to recognize the inferiority complex that he was always trying to hide but was unfortunately instilled into him by the piss poor way that the jiangs were raising their two (unofficially three) children while dealing with their own relationship issues and constantly fighting in front of them

then there was the massacre then the loss of his core then wei wuxian went missing in the middle of the war only to return a demonic cultivator who refused to pick up his sword then after the war as the heir now the head of the clan he really had to pick up the politics game because there was literally no one else to fix things up at home and his sister was getting married and the jin clan inserting themselves as the new power and then wei wuxian does something goes and gets him self ostracized from the entire cultivation world by protecting 'war criminals' of whom jiang cheng really doesnt care about since he really just hates any with the surname wen at this point….

[though i don't know if jiang cheng really had any idea what he was doing not to mention i don't know if his voice would have had much sway in a court][though i would assume if he was at the big meetings then he must've kept his head down because there's no way that those guys wouldn't have brought up to jiang cheng that wei wuxian was once the head disciple and they should 'hear out his opinion']

anyway i didn't mean to start a big discussion though its been fun

My initial point was less about what they stood to lose but more of a what they would stand to gain by protecting him like you know him still being alive

Being that they both cared about him the decision weighed on both of them. like when you weigh in your mind if you alone can really stand to let him be killed by other cultivators or will you stand aside and let it happen (lead the charge as if he brought it on himself after killing your sister and her husband he really is too far gone)(or even something like 'at this point there really is nothing i can do' though considering his reaction to wei wuxian being brought back to life i don't know about this one)(but we know the way he hides concern behind anger so… but also he was definitely threatening wei wuxian with fairy and thats just not great. hes changed at least a little in the time since wei wuxians been gone and if they could just talk properly maybe we could find out how much)

Like they both wanted to try protect him but only one of them did actually attempt it and that was both too late and also not late enough and the other one (supposedly) led the attack against him though it was a moot point in the end seeing as none of these three idiots could talk to each other properly or literally any other person that they trusted, if there really was another way out of this situation it would have been in actively figuring out a plan

but lan wangji was still hesitating on following what his clan says is right and what he thinks is right, jiang cheng is so angry and his inferiority complex and all the ways his mom talked to him about wei wuxian keeps popping up at the worst moments not to mention the stress of rebuilding his clan, wei wuxian meanwhile is now public enemy number one and his almost brother keeps trying to ask him questions so hes getting super defensive all the time and never answering properly (almost like hes hiding something)

also i would just like to say that as far as i remember wei wuxian was so strong he probably didn't need to be protected especially since people led an attack on him at the burial mounds a place where he would literally be at his strongest but after jin zixuan then the wens and yanli he was actually at his lowest mentally and wangji was out of commission at this point so when jiang cheng showed up in the attack against him he probably thought that he really was alone

but i can talk about wei wuxians depression all day (its one big 'did you fall or did you let go' type of situation) thats besides the point.

he needed support and he needed to know he had support but he didn't then they both lost him

anyway anyway i was just making an initial observation about a difference between jiang cheng and lan wangji,

it may have been circumstance and personal morals but it was a really obvious difference thats all i'm saying- obviously this is just a one sentence explanation and these characters are deeper than this and those were the younger versions of them, it was a really hard time for all of them

this is such a great story man like i did read it properly when they did the core reveal in the novel they actually talk, like one side properly bears all his feelings and the other tells us his reasons in his head then gives a skim version out loud because he's an idiot (because he knows jiang cheng, because he's tired and sad but good at hiding it and has been even before the war that started it all)

#bro dont even get me started on yu ziyuan and jiang #fengmian #modaozushi #sometimes reading a character reacts to their story fic really #helps remind you just how much change the characters have #gone through #like what they would have done at the beginning of the story vs the end #my browser refreshed while i was writing this so i had to start over #then my power went out #i will be rereading this story everytime i feel the need so help me god #ask

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bizarrewritings-blog · 6 years

Text

Best Part of me - S.S.

Sebastian Stan x Reader

Anon: Hi sunshine <3 can you make Seb and "You're the best part of me" looooove your writing!

Promt: 232 - "You're the best Part of me"

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word count: 1,689

Warnings: Swearing

@Y/T/N: Your Twitter @-Name

You've been pacing around the living room of your shared apartment for what felt like hours now, your feet already hurting from the hardwood floor, but you didn't care. Your throat was dry and aching, like someone wrapped a noose around it and pulled it just a little too tight. Your eyes were puffy from crying, your lip chapped and bleeding just the tiniest bit from you chewing on it so much.

Sebastian had left earlier to go to an movie event. You had decided to stay home, not really a fan of the press and crowds of people. And after all, you weren't a famous actor, like about 90% people who would attend this festival. He seemed a little disappointed to not spend the evening with you, but he didn't want to push you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. He never would, one of the many things why you loved him so much.

But now you were there alone, tight grip on your phone in your hand. It showed a Tweet, two pictures attached. They were a little low quality but it was obvious that it was Sebastian with another woman, and they were way too close for your liking. He had his hand on her lower back on both of them. In the first one, he leaned in to say something in her ear, a fond smile plastered her pretty face. In the second picture, he showed her something on his phone, grinning while she was smiling brightly. The Tweet itself said "What is this? Is Sebastian cheating on @Y/T/N?"

Your social media had been blowing up since the pictures leaked, tons of people wondering if you were still together, some defending Sebastian, some saying hateful stuff, like that he "finally found someone better". Ever since you started dating Sebastian about 3 years ago, you knew it wouldn't be easy to have a famous actor as your boyfriend. It brought a lot of difficulties, lots of fights, but you always got over it because in the end, you two loved each other.

But this was a whole new level. He has never cheated on you.

From Time to time you tried to lift yourself up, tried to think it was a big misunderstanding. That the women was just a close friend which he was happy to see. But everytime you looked at the pictures amd read through the comments, the ugly feeling in your stomach came back since you weren't the only one to be convinced that was more than friendly.

You already tried to call and text him a thousand times. He never answered, and it made you furious. Tons of thoughts what he could be doing in that moment were in your mind, causing a mass of emotions to storm inside you. You were jealous, mad, sad, broken, everything. Even taking breaths was hard, your lungs aching from the constant try to not start breaking down again. It was already 2am, he had left 7 hours ago and still wasn't home.

You fell back onto the couch, letting out a heavy sigh as seemingly every muscle in your body ached. You wanted to curl yourself into a ball and just stay like that forever.

Sebastian knew he was late when he finally left the party. He was tired as shit as he almost fell in the Cab, sinking back into the soft beackseat while he told the driver his address. During the drive he kept looking out the window, a pleased smile on his face. He couldn't wait to be home. You were probably asleep, he thought, so he could just change out of his uncomfortable suit and snuggle up in the bed next to you. His phone died a couple hours ago, and he felt a little disappointed that he couldn't read your typical goodnight text you send whenever he was out late without you. The smile on his face grew at the thought of it. In his eyes, you were the most adorable thing ever.

As Sebastian arrived at your apartment, he thanked and payed the driver before stepping inside. He tried to be as silent as possible as he pushed the key into the lock and turned it. His brows furrowed in confusion when he pushed the door open, the soft light from the living room unusual. "Y/N? Are you still up?" He asked carefully while kicking off his shoes. Maybe you've fallen asleep on the couch. Wouldn't be the first time.

But when he approached the living room, only to find you slumbed over the couch, your eyes puffy and a broken look on your face at his presence, he could almost hear his heart break. He quickly rushed to your side, confused as you jerked away from him. "Darling, what's wrong?"

You felt the tears form once again in your eyes as your chin quivered. "Don't call me that." You croaked, your voice breaking while you tried to avoid his gaze. Sebastian stared at you, even more confused as he just found out that he was the reason for your current state. And he had no idea why. "Come on, talk to me. What's going on?" Wordlessly, you handed him your phone, the tweet with the pictures of him and the women still open. When Sebastian recognized the two people the pictures showed, all colour drained from his face. Realizing you probably believed what the tweet said he turned to you, panicking slightly. "Darling, I swear it's not what it looks like." You scoffed at him, rolling your eyes which were still filled with tears. Your arms were crossed infront of your chest, your body facing away from him, your eyes fixated on your lap while you tried to fight the tears that wanted to escape.

"You have to believe me! I know how this looks but i can explain- I could explain, but-" "But what?!" You snapped, your gaze meeting his. He gulped hard at your now angry state. "I-I can't tell you, I-" "Are you fucking serious, Sebastian?!" You were completely enraged now. Why wouldn't he tell you the reason he wouldn't be cheating on you? Maybe because there wasn't one?

"Either, you give me a goddamn reason why I shouldn't believe you were cheating on me, or you can walk right back out and not come back. Your choice." Your voice was serious, the harsh tone making Sebastian flinch. His jaw clenched, he didn't know what he should do. He hated to say it, but he had to. He didn't want you to force him to leave. "That girl, she's a friend, I promise. I needed her help with something, that's why I showed her something on my phone." You searched for any kind of sign in his features that he was lying. You normally could see right through him, but all you currently saw was worry. So you continued. "Help with what?" He gulped again, his eyes silently pleading you to not ask. But you didn't care. "Tell me or leave. It's easy as that."

Sebastian let out a heavy sigh, his eyes closing. "I didn't want it to go like this, but alright." His eyes opened again, his gace finding yours as he smiled weakly. "I love you, more than anything." You scoffed lightly, which he chose to ignore. "I wanted to get you something. I had two different possibilities, and I asked her which one she thinks is better." Your eyes furrowed in confusion. He took a deep breath, his pleading gaze once again on you. "Do I have to continue?" You just nodded, leaving him to sigh again, his eyes closing. "They were rings." Your eyes widened at his statement, your jaw slack. "I wanted to make this more romantic but well, here we go."

You couldn't proceed what was going on when he stood up, only to get down on one knee infront of you. He gently took your hand in his, a soft smile on his face as tears once again formed in your eyes. "I would never cheat on you, Y/N. I still can't believe you love me for the mess I am. You're the best Part of me. And I want you to stay with me, forever." You were full on weeping right now as a couple of tears even gathered in Sebastians eyes. "I know I don't have a proper ring right now, but I'm still asking you." He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves even though his hands were shaking. "Y/N Y/L/N, Will you marry me?" A shiver ran through you as the words fell from his lips. You were speechless, unable to form words as he just stared at you, waiting for an answer. When you felt his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand, you slowly came back to reality. Smiling brightly, you nodded. "Yes. Yes I want to." A relived sigh left Sebastians lips, a grin forming before he stood up, pulling you with him to hug you tightly. You were both crying by now, this time out of pure joy.

You had no idea for how long you just stood like this, arms around each other, crying into the other's shoulder. Sebastian pulled back after a while, smiling down at you with the brightest smile you've ever seen. His hand went to your face, his thumb carefully wiping a couple tears away. "I love you." He whispered, pure honesty im his voice. You smiled up at him. "I love you too. And I'm sorry." He instantly shook his head. "Don't be. If I would've seen a guy that close to you, I probably would've gotten into a car to beat the shit out of him." You both chuckled at that. As his gaze found yours again, he slowly leaned down, covering your lips with his. The kiss was slow and filled with nothing but love, causing butterflies to errupt in your stomach. Sebastian was the love of your life, and you were the lucky one to get to marry him.

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan imagine #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan smut #fanfic #marvel cast #mcu #bucky barnes #marvel fanfic #sebastian stan angst #angst #fluff #request #best part of me #anon #bizarrewritings

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soldierallen · 5 years

Text

Married 9

Summary: you're in love with Sebastian and you're one of his three best friends however he finds a women he loves and marries her.

Disclaimer: I have a Thanksgiving chapter that will be out a week after Thanksgiving YIKES I didn't time this right am sorry! Anyways heres the next chapter.

Warnings: none, probably some cursing, and arguing but that's usually what happens in this story, mentions of sex.

Part 8:

Three days, no phone call or text since the wedding from him Henry's been very supportive of the whole thing he said I look better and to be honest I feel better.. I wonder how sebastian's doing I think I should give him a call

"Stop I know what your thinking about" Henry said looking out the window eating food at my office this time, "what am I thinking about" she stabbed her food with a fork not really interested in eating lately, she did that often nothing filled the void nor food or sex nothing.

"You want to call him" he looked at his food and back at her and she stared at him from across the table "Henry" "no y/n! It's not your job!" He explained

"But if I want to pursue a relationship it should be-"

"Two sided?, well explain to me since the past three days has he called?" He threw a napkin onto the table waiting for her answer "no.."

"Texted?, a dm on Instagram? Maybe even a Facebook message?" She stayed silent "he never calls" he got up putting his hand on her shoulder "give up" he finally let the words out of his mouth, wanting to stay them for so long.

Give Up, give up the fight for a love that doesn't exist for a love that can't truly be fixed because it's one sided. She stood up "I know.." she had to stop feeling sorry for herself it's been years I think it's time to really give up for real this time, Henry was right and she knew he was it was just hard to actually stop everything and end it, a 14 year relationship down the drain..all because of a stupid wedding!

"I have to go, please don't call him"

She nodded her head knowing it was wrong knowing it needed to end once and for all.. he kissed her forehead "I'll see you tomorrow okay?" "Okay, uh text me when you get home so I know you're okay" he smiled with a small nod and went on his way, she saw Robert her boss about to knock on her door when she went to it opening it "Mr Downey how are you" she smiled, he gave her a nice smile back "hey were having a going away party for Martin, do you want to come? It's gonna be at my place" "I don't know I'm not feeling to well-" "y/n, please come" she felt bad to say no she just didn't feel like going she never felt like doing anything anymore.

She made an excuse, not really interested in going to a party she wasn't in the mood taking a nice wall home when she stumbled upon a bar... going in for a few drinks and a date possibly

She unlocked her door with the spare key that everybody used checking her mail taking the few pieces that she had in there, carrying them up the stairs she opened, reading some and finally getting to her door someone was laying by her apartment door she looked carefully

"sebastian?" He was asleep? Was he here all night?.. he slightly opened his eyes she unlocked her door "unfuckingbeilevable" she twisted the door knob letting herself in, he always has to fuck it up? I had one good night with some guy and he had to be at my house that morning?

"Y/n what time is it?" He said with a yawn stretching his body coming into her house "it's 6am on a Wednesday, what the hell are you doing here?" she slammed her door shut she had nothing to say to him, she started stripping off her clothes "I know your mad-"

"Mad? Oh mad is an understatement!, I'm fucking furious" her blouse on the floor, her heels off she was left in a bra and a skirt she went into her bedroom sebastian watched from her door

"I know I'm sorry for everything for messing up your life for everything it's my fault and I know I didn't know you wanted me" he lied, he tried so hard to not lie to her but it just slipped out

"Just because you had a bad childhood doesn't mean you could act like a prick whenever you want, you hurt people seb and for some odd reason you always choose me" She took off her skirt changing into sweatpants and a t shirt, she wasn't done with the argument that she felt erupting in her stomach

"I spent my whole life waiting for you, maybe one day he'll break up with Maggie and see I'm the one who truly cares for him, maybe one day he'll break up Ally and want me maybe one day he'll leave his cheating fiancé for me, Robbie amell had to stop the wedding and not the man who claimed he wanted me"

she left her bedroom facing him for the first time in a few minutes he was in her living room sitting on the couch his hands folded together his head down, once she walked into the room his head shot up

"If he didn't make his big fucking entrance I was doing it, I was going go take you by the hand and fucking leave y/n do you know how much it killed me?" He said pointing to himself "to see you leave with Henry that night when I knew I was suppose to leave with you that night I've never been so jealous of Henry in my whole life that he got to take you home"

"You should be jealous of Henry he's been there for me, and you aren't you never are and you know what -" he cut me off

"I love you I love you so fucking much that i spent years watching shit boyfriends break your heart and the next day I wanted to beat the shit out of them for breaking your heart, making you feel unimportant you've always meant the most to me don't you even think for a minute I stopped caring I never did and I never will you're a part of me y/n." His voice was loud at first and than became so soft, she loved him, however she couldn't take hurting anymore and take Henry's words 'Give up'

She folded her arms over each other on her chest looking across at him he was farther away he kept walking one step closer trying to reach her

"I love you, how many times am I going to say it I've never loved any other women the way I love you the connection is so core deep I feel it I feel the electricity running through my veins just hearing you speak, give me one more shot we need this one time" he grabbed her hand putting it on his heart "I want you"

"i think i should let us go for real this time, take these pictures down throw away the vase give you back your shit and take you out of my life, all you've ever done to me was make me feel I was never good enough like I never had a place in your life, yeah I never felt left out of your life but there was never a place for me in the beginning"

"I'm not leaving until we fix this I don't want to fight with you I want to resolve this" he said he was calmer than before, she let out a shaky breath not even knowing what to say what's gonna fix this? Absolutely nothing.

There was a knock on the door, she looked at sebastian and he nodded at her to open the door

"You never called me last night when I texted you I got worried" Henry said, his deamour turned as soon as he saw sebastian, he got a protective look on his face and a stare that meant what is he doing here, kinda like a "did you call?" And she nodded no

"I'll tell you everything later." She tried to calm down however she was getting more nervous having both men in the same room with each other when Henry was angry at sebastian for ghosting her

"No he needs to go" Henry walked Into the house "I came to apolgize what are you two fucking behind my back" sebastian said it startled the both of them

"guys please don't do this" she tried to be calm and then that's when the two started bickering she tried to make them both stop and they wouldn't what would throw them off?

"IM PREGNANT" both men stopped and looked at her with wide eyes "I'm not pregnant but you both need to fucking stop arguing I'm tired of arguing" she said

"We're gonna act like adults and settle this" she went into her kitchen and pulled out a quarter in her cookie jar, she never put cookies in it only change and buttons? Why did she have so many buttons.

"Alright heads or tails" she said

"Tails" sebastian said

"Yeah because you're a rat" Henry said

"Henry" she said in a voice that only a mother would use

"Okay" he backed off, she flipped the coin and it landed on heads

"Henry make your argument no interruptions." She sat down on her couch right next to sebastian ready to listen to Henry's argument.

"You've used us, played us, and haven't supported any of us in the things were doing." Henry said, he nodded

"You know y/n's getting really close to being chief executive?, you know Anthony's daugther is the best player on her team? did you know that Chris and jennie are planning to have kids soon? Not after the wedding but right now as we speak" Henry was trying to calm his self to actually say everything he's wanted to say since months

"You're not in our lives anymore and you expect everyone to forgive you because we "know" you? I can't do it anymore, sebastian I'm a 25 year old man that can't handle bullshit excuses anymore" he air quoted "know" because well we don't know him anymore, the person we knew left? He isn't himself he knows and hes trying to fix it sebastian let a breath to say something when Henry stopped him with a hand "I waited for months, for an apology from you for the shit you put me through the invitations and the writing speeches and and just everything.. I got a phone call that night from you asking if you should apologize to y/n" she knew, she knew everything Henry was going to say he was right.

"Didn't you know in your right God damn mind that she was the FIRST person you should've called to apolgize to, and you didn't you asked ME didn't apolgize to me but asked me if you should apologize?" Henry was getting angry "Henry" she put a warm comforting hand on his bicep

"I have so much to say and I'm just so in my head" he sat down on the couch opposite of them and y/n went over to him she put her head on his shoulder "it's okay" she rubbed his arm "say it with love in your voice and not anger, you love him I do to" she said in a low voice

"I know what I did I don't expect anyone to forgive me I'm trying" Sebastian tried to sympathize looking at the both of them "make your argument" y/n said, Henry was getting super stressed out laying back and looking towards sebastian "don't lie or make any shit excuses I'll know" Henry said he took his hand and rubbed his forehead ready to hear sebastian.

"You're an asshole did I lie there?" Sebastian said Henry threw a pillow at him forcefully "start talking dickhead" sebastian's reflexes moving fast enough for him not to get hit and he smiled, he sild the silver ring off his right hand holding it in their eye view "if you never gave me this ring I don't think I would of ever realized how much you all mean to me, Henry specifically without you I wouldn't of gotten through this year without all of you including Chris and Anthony who aren't here on a Wednesday at 7am in y/n's apartment" he shallowed thickly watching the two people he cared about stare at him in depth having all ears & eyes on him.

"Henry I'm sorry I am, i promise to be in everyone's lives again and fix all of our relationships it may take months maybe even years but I'll try my best, i'll really try for all four of you" he sild the ring back on his finger "I want you both to forgive it will take time I know I just need reassurance that you both will forgive me one day" here it was sebastian. Finally got to core of all of our problems

Apologizes.

I don't think anyone ever understands what it takes to apolgize to someone you love, time out of your day to apolgize to the people who love you & support you all the time it takes courage because you know you were the wrong one the one who started it the one who made these situations he knows and hes genuinely sorry I don't think the two could ask for more from him

"We'll think about it" Henry said as a joke still holding onto y/n's thigh, sebastian wasn't too fond of that he shallowed thickly joining in conversation with the two but he just couldn't keep his eyes off Henry's movements with her she was this person Henry had to touch and protect it felt so different for him because Henry was never this close with y/n before, it was a lot of flirting & playing around Henry always had girlfriends and this is the longest Henry's been single for a while....is he falling for her two? His brain starting a wildfire in his mind.

An hour passed of talking together, sebastian went home leaving Henry and y/n alone, sebastian didn't even know how to feel hes trying to mend his relationships with everyone but he thinks he's now losing his chance with y/n because of Henry he asked once and he didn't get an answer, he wasn't going to ask a second time, life was weighing on him once again maybe it's over for real this time he felt it he kind of knew it to.

"What am I gonna do" she looked at the television from across her home, Henry laid his head in her lap her hands mindlessly touching his hair, he loved the feeling "Thanksgiving is coming, is he the person you want to take?"

Her mind leaving her no choice but to not answer.

Tagged @hiddlestonstansworld @lovely-geek @imcalledflorence @misz-adrii @escapistdreamer-wishfulthinker @someplxce @cuddlesforlashton @coffeebooksandfandomsohmy @weasley16 @ilovethewayyourheartbeats @vogueworthy-barnes @xeniarocks @thisismysecrethappyplace @racheo91 @gravedollie666 @inlovewith3 // if anyone wants to be untagged or tagged please leave a message ty♡ also I do not own any gifs or images of any kind.

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smrivas · 6 years

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8.8.18

I'm fuming and the last 24hrs, last almost 6 months for that matter have been a disaster. I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head and I can't cry them out or talk them out enough so I will try writing them down.

I feel like im part of a bad movie. Finding out your ex of 8+ years is MARRIED to someone else mere months after a breakup is not something I ever want to be a part of and here we are. Dealing with losing someone who was with you every single day for thousands of days of your life and then being completely alone is hard enough. This extra news is too much. Im afraid of whats coming and in my heart I already know its going to be a baby. Someone who for years told me he couldn't give me a child is married and likely going to give a woman hes known for months a child. I'm bracing for it and I know its coming.

We didn't have the best relationship and at times it was awful and there are so many regrets, so many mistakes, so much pain that cant be taken back. Somehow that doesn't lessen the soul shattering pain I feel now. Hearing everyone tell me the same exact thing..."hes a piece of shit" "you're better off without him" nothing helps. Thinking about every tiny thing about him that irritated me to no end doesn't help. All I can think about is how completely unfair it is that I'm here unable to function most days and HE IS FUCKING MARRIED. it is infuriating. If he was in front of me now i would punch him in the face. And scream. And probably get arrested.

Another thing that has been brought up is "if he were in front of you right now and said I'm sorry, I fucked up" and up until yesterday I don't think I had an answer. Yes, I miss him every minute of every day. And think about him. And he's in my dreams most nights. And I want to punch him for being so stupid and then hug him and not let go. After yesterday's news, I know one thing for sure above all else, that I dont know him at all. The person i shared my life with for all those years, the person i bought a home with, the man i met in Chicago all those years ago is not this person. This arrogant son of a bitch. This mean, hurtful, irrational, lying scumbag is not him. The man who told me he loved me and would always love me and then married someone else is not the person i knew. And he changed slowly through the years but maybe it didn't hit me sooner or maybe I didn't care enough to do anything and I just settled. The more I sit and think about this, the more angry i get. The worst is my anger, hate and rage doesnt affect him AT ALL. He has very clearly moved on and this only affects me and somehow I could care less. My life and future now just seems bleak and i don't even care. I'm just so broken, more than ive ever felt in my life and I dont know what to do and im scared that i will never get over this.

I dont know if these ramblings make any sense. Nothing makes a whole lot of sense right now.

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fiddle--faddle · 7 years

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Trust

Mention the name of 5 persons who will give their life to you right any moment. Who are they? Mom...Dad...your brothers and sisters? cousins? kins? your best friend? And so on and so forth....

And now you have no idea whom to mention. You’re starting to doubt on everyone’s faith to you. You’re starting to realize that you’re actually standing firmly on your own feet without anyone hold on to. You’re starting to understand that you’re the only one who can trust yourself wholeheartedly and unswervingly. Now you know that there’s only a pinch of people who deeply treasures you and supremely values your life. For example, go ask your mom or your dad something like “Mom, would you like to sacrifice your life for me in less than one second? Would you forever protect me unconditionally?” And yes! of course she’ll say yes in a blink of an eye, also your dad will probably give you the same answer. Now, ask the same questions to the list of names you’ve mentioned before. What will they say? IF. If. If they couldn't answer you immediately, or if they took more than a second to think of the answer, then they are not the persons whom you should trust with your life. Beware.

So here Im just gonna give you a story that I’ve been keeping in mind ever since a couple of years ago. Old story but no query.

A dying old man said to his doctor while on the sick bed "Doctor, don’t worry. I know I am going to die. I didn’t want to come here but they brought me here.

Please don’t worry about me, look at my hair, they are gone. I am so old but you are so young. I have learnt a lot from life, if you don’t mind I will tell you some of them before I die.

When I was 4 years, I use to think the world is about me. When I turned 14, I wanted to rule the world. I thought I would be the greatest man that ever lived. When I was 21, I wanted to be the richest man, when I was 25, I wanted to find love, when I was 40, I wanted to be helpful to everyone. Now that I am here, I want to die. You see, I wanted so many things at so many times. Most importantly, I wanted to be happy. I thought the best way to be happy is to listen to others.

When I wanted to enter the University, I wanted to study Zoology but everyone said I should study Engineering that I will be a great Engineer. So I listened to them. I had no one to pay my fees, I had to work and also pay my fees. In my third year, I couldn’t cope with my studies, I had to drop. When I dropped, the same people told me "you should have studied Zoology"!

When I turned 28, everyone said I should marry. That I needed a wife. So I listened to them, I got married. 6 years into the marriage, I caught my wife sleeping with my neighbour. I asked her why and she slapped me. I was angry and didn’t say anything. The next day I returned from work, she had run away with my children, now I am dying a lonely man.

At 40, I got a huge contract. My name was in the news. The next day, all my friends and families were at my house, everyone had a serious problem. Within one week, I spent all the money on them with the promise that they will pay back. I could not complete the contract because they refused to return the money as promised. So I was sent to jail for 6 years. I stayed in jail and I came out. When I came out, they were nowhere.

There was one mistake I made through all this time. Now it is clear to me. Let me tell you about it. I refused to listen to myself. I ignored my own self and listen to others. Now that I am here the only person that is with me is myself.

You see, it is very good to listen to others. It is very wise to seek advice from others. But it is very dangerous to ignore your own self. It is very very dangerous to refuse to pay attention to your heart.

When you get home this night, sit down, take a glass of water. Close your eyes if you want or open it if you want, then talk to yourself, reason with yourself. You can walk down the road alone and as you walk, begin to talk to yourself.

The only person that can overrule yourself is God, after God, listen to yourself next. I know it may not make sense to you now but always remember I told you LEARN TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF.”

Source : Martin Lordamber

Then, how would you feel? Will you still be happy-go-luckily roaming around and shamelessly getting up on everybody’s nose to pour all your trust away on them?

Well there, Im just gonna say that took for granted phrase is really does exist :) You know yourself.

#trust #life

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