#ik i dont NEED to pass or anything obviously

[admirxation]

˗ˏˋ admirxation's weekly fic recs ´ˎ˗

!! dark content ahead, please read the warnings the authors have provided, and then continue at your own discretion !!

5th may '24: here are some fics i've collected this week, obviously this is not every single fic but i wanted to give some more spotlight on the ones that literally had me bouncing off the walls lmao. if anyone wants to see more recommendations i have a 'admirxation fic recs' tag if you're ever wanting to read something, and i want to try and do this every Sunday to give some love to creators. i will try to limit this to 10-20, and some weeks might be shorter cuz i don't always have to time. thank you to these creators making these fics and please give them some love

resident evil fics

“If I gotta sin to see her again then I’m gonna lie.” [NSFW] {dad’s boss!Jack Krauser x fem!reader} ~ The reader ends up on their knees for the stranger allowed in their house; starting a fling with her fathers boss.

this was written by @mrswint3rs now i read this a bit ago but i just can’t forget about it. i love krauser content so much like there needs to be more content for this man, i love my pookie leon a feral amount but pookie bear needs to share some spotlight for the other RE guys. i am not embarrassed to admit that i keep rereading this fic, it does something to the brain chemistry. honestly the moment this girl posts more krauser fics im leaping like it’s my last meal cuz AHHHHHHH. the forceful but seductive characterisation that is written within krauser is so memorable and had me blushing and kicking my feet, and to expose myself further the secrecy tropes always get the meter going they are my guilty pleasure.

playing house [NSFW] {stepdad!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ the readers mother had passed away, leaving Leon and the reader to get closer.

this was written by @miss-oranje-disco-dancer now i always thought i wasn’t into the whole ddlg scene, before anyone things im hating i never gave hate to the concept i was just never apart of the craze if u get me, however, this fic has made me rlly rlly crave ddlg content to the point i’m wondering if the writer laced their words with crack cuz IM SO HOOKED. the gradual progression of the reader and leon is so hot, especially *spoilers for the rest of the fic* when they start sharing a bed dude the tingles i felt, and then the breeding when the reader acts so nonchalant about being bred by leon like YESSIR I NEED THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING.

Playground Love {older!Leon Kennedy x fem!reader} ~ age gap love between reader and Leon.

this was written by @j3llyd0nut . i might have a problem which how much older men fanfics i consume, like gurl its becoming a big problem… that i dont wanna fix oop- this fic doesn’t go into smut (ik what a shocker for me to be recommending something that is straight up porn lmao) but it does deal with age gaps, and i felt the way the writer portrayed it was so well written, especially with the readers’ mothers feelings to it. dating someone older comes with a mix of feelings, the envy was well encapsulated as well as the worry where it is often people try to warn. also the ending quote was such a killer (as an oscar wilde fan hehe… im an english student i love a reference).

Nerd Leon [NSFW] {nerdy!Leon Kennedy x nerdy!fem!reader} ~ Leon and the reader are both virgins who have had a crush on one another.

this was written by @nvoirs (it won’t let me tag them but you have the link to go show them some love). i love lil nerdy leon, he's so cute, especially with the pictures above the fic hehe. honestly the reader is so relatable, the idea of someone asking you out as a joke hahah ive been there too many times, no one can force me back into high school i will claw them. i quite liked the dynamic of them learning together, hehehe it's so so hot and cute at the same time and it deserves so much more love in my humble and very correct opinion.

the last of us fics

older Joel Miller [NSFW] {older!Joel Miller x afab!reader} ~ ft nervous Joel who hasn’t dated in a while and nervous to be with the reader who reassures she wants to be with him.

this was written by @pedroshotwifey and omfg i’m like the biggest simp for joel to the point it’s honestly embarrassing lmao, i feel like they wrote joel quite well and i would imagine if he was to become involved with someone again he would be nervous and be in his head about it; i found the writing of the transition back into sharing physical intimacy really well written and enjoyable, it’s not easy to do that but the author did it so well. my fav joel oneshot.

jujutsu kaisen fics

A proper send off [NSFW] {stepdad!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader} ~ Toji puts his claim on the reader before she goes to college

this was written by @bratbby333. i feel like i died, like the author put the words on the screen and it make me curl up in a ball and squirming cuz i need toji biblically, and then i died, and then the words brought be back to heaven and then i was bonked and put into horny jail. i’m actually feral for this man. i’m feral for too many fictional men but toji is ughhhhh AHFJFKDKSKSKDDKEKSKW. i loved the descriptions of the reader almost being made for him, or more accurately, Toji making the reader made for him; the description of *SPOILERS* him moulding her pussy for his dick was YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM, i was salivating like fucking homer simpson I NEED IT.

Daddy Issues [NSFW] {stepdad!Toji Fushiguro x fem!reader} ~ reader is a brat whose stopped by her step father Toji

this was written by @nexysworld and my oh my does this girl cook, I AM THE BIGGEST NEXY FAN EVER HEHEHEHEHE. i am a new recruit to the toji fan club and boy oh boy was this the most exciting oneshot to first read after finding my love for this beautiful man. I gotta say the way nexy writes toji is honestly a game changer. like he’s such a jerk that u wanna slap, but i also am enticed by how much of a jerk he is… and perhaps wanna be slapped by him- WHO SAID THAT 👀 damn.

“well, we should probably fuck. Right?” [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ reader and gojo are trapped in the prison realm with nothing else to do.

this was written by @kingkonoha. now as we have all learnt about me liking something normally isn’t in my vocabulary; if i like a piece of media best believe im putting my whole soul into it. jjk is a new edition to my fandom endeavours and heheh gojo is my first love, im such a gojo girlie IF ANYONE COMES TO DETROY MY PEACE F OFF LMAO (gojo and toji girlie fr i am). okay if you’re a gojo girlie, kingkonoha’s writing is top tier. i loved the way they encapsulated gojo’s personality, he’s so cocky in this oneshot and ugh i just can’t help but see it so on brand for gojo; also the dirty talk in this fic is like toe curling afhdisosfheisidfhwowjwf I NEED HIM IN A WAY THAT IS CONCERNING TO FEMINISM.

The fanboy guide [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ gojo is the readers number one fan and manages to finally meet them in a meet and greet.

this was written by @kingkonoha . i love obsessing over fictional men BUT OH THIS FIC RLLY HAD THE TURNED TABLES. look i dont need anyone judging my likes, i like the idea of someone, especially gojo, obsessing over me and telling me he loves me while i ride him. girlhood = hearing i love you while riding gojo lmao. i love this creator to the point they’re probably fed up on me constantly liking their stuff haha. some bits i wanna point out, the dirty talk was like A* and the way he’s obsessed and basically babbles i love u like AFHFJSWISODODOWKWNEJ this has a chokehold on me and is like feral spray for the gojo girlies to get going lmao.

Tease [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ reader teases her sensei over text, and he later shows up at the readers door.

this was written by @dark-and-kawaii . oh look more gojo fics, are we surprised, no rlly cuz he's so hot and ugh i need him so much. i love dirty talk especially sexting it's so hot, but the fact he literally shows up at the door? i was shook but like in a horny way lmao. honestly the jealousy he feels it’s like kinda embarrassing how much i love to imagine someone all jealous over me like hehe tell me how much im in ur mind rent free HAHA. honestly i love this blog, i followed for the bg3 content and stayed for like the absolute talent in every one of their works, so much love <3

i will possess your heart [NSFW] {yandere!satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ satoru thinks the reader belongs to him and will go any length to make that happen.

this was written by @bratbby333 . okay on this account we love a yandere, the idea of someone being so obsessed that it’s a danger to the lover, themselves and everyone around, A MUST!!!! honestly, it’s kinda baddddd how much i love these yandere oneshots but oh well it’s not like im gonna stop eating this up when everyone fr cooks. i honestly have to say this is the best yandere fic ive seen, like i was fangirling over the author over every word and punctuation they strung together, like huhhhhh it had me on a chokehold throughout it all. the journey of obsession and how far gojo went and his pathway to that was so well written, and the scene with the ex boyfriend and the heart ?!?!?!?! i was literally wide eyed like an owl going “WHAT OMFG”.

to be ex husband [NSFW] {satoru gojo x fem!reader} ~ ex bf gojo comes back in readers life and asks for a hand in marriage.

this was written by @arminsumi . lmao this fic made me have so many emotions. first of all, SHOKO MY BELOVED IS MY BESTIE I LOVE SHOKO. but the idea of gojo being an ex cuz he was a play boy i was like hmmm f u man, breaking my heart (like bruh i was so offended like i actually was the reader to the point i was like bruh i have to calm down) and then after when he’s getting all giggly with suguru im like hehehehe let the fucking commence i need me some gojo action. honestly this fic has an amazing balance of oooo this is sexy, to feelings of being a lil mad, but also comedic moments. it honestly encaptures gojo’s character so well, i was rlly impressed. also i didn’t know how much i needed someone to ask for marriage while fucking ahe

#admirxations weekly fic recs #admirxation fic recs #divider by cafekitsune #fic recs #x reader fics #5th may '24

[nazumichi]

not exaggerating not blowing the situation out of proportion prommy but I think I’d rather do literally anything else before that chemistry group project. put me in the furnace or something. mountain. exam?? ?

#raii talks a lot #Please anything else. I made. Like a list of things that the group needs to do. and it’s stuff I need to do/stuff I need to make them do #And ik they’re not gonna care or listen to me. Even though I’m the group leader because no one else gave a shit and this is a big grade #like sorry for being a loser guys sorry for being a nerd but boy howdy we should do this thang huh. Pass this class. You sophomore shits #very close to asking my prof if i can get out of doing this. because I leave this year and they obviously dont #And I have ap tests and a sat which they also don’t have and god id take a full exam over this at this point #There’s just so much to do and so many things I want to prioritize and I’m so ashamed to ask my prof that because I like him and what if he #says no that would be mortifying. coping by making lists and trying to work ahead and reading mk which doesn’t help chem-wise #but it does make me feel less like passing out in agony. like woah i love this book I love this guy!!! I’m going to attack classmates #I loooove complaining I love this book I love kicking people and raging

[compassionatereminders]

hi, i hope its okay if i vent here cause i know shits been rough for you lately (wishing you the best btw, which ik simply saying that doesnt magically make things better but hope yk what i mean)

i sent an asks a few months ago about having empathy for someone for the first time and really struggling to come to terms with it, how to deal with new overwhelming emotions and the like (i believe i also mentioned them being in an abusive situation at the time, which was a whole other complicated feeling to empathize with someones pain and to take it internally on levels i had never experienced or was capable of fathoming before in my entire life)

currently struggling with that person again, they left their original abusive situation but have entered a new complex one, as this person isnt intentionally shitty but they're rich, white passing and extremely privileged and out of touch, like truly they don't grasp my friends trauma and why it makes things hard for them (friend has gone through severe abuse and childhood trauma, neglect and homelessness just to say the light ones, its truly awful what they've been through) despite having some trauma of their own and i truly fucking despise them with my entire being

my friend is abusing alcohol and debating killing themselves due to this person dangling ending their relationship over my friends head --- (which is another thing thats complex and hurting, my friend never told me they were dating which like they totally dont have to obviously!! but they continuously insisted to me they were only friends, before suddenly revealing through a screenshot of their partners text that they were together, which they did with their previous abuser so like having it happen twice was icky feeling for some reason despite the fact ik they don't owe me that information at all, i dont care they hid it i just feel hurt and confused if i had done something to warrant not being trusted with that information but thats a whole other can of worms) --- due to them struggling to do something the person wants, because my friend has trauma what the person is requesting is hard and my friends explained why its hard and hurts them, they've thrown up daily from the stress and this person knows that but somehow doesnt grasp why its causing my friend such distress

i feel utterly suffocated by the entire situation and its put my life on full stop because i cant just leave my friend to deal with this themselves, but theres nothing i can say or do that can help them because they're deeply in love and won't break up with their partner even though the stress is physically ruining them. i feel hopeless and unable to do anything, i encourage them to talk to me because really i wanna be there for them but i feel so scared all the time that somethings gonna happen to them which makes me need to listen even more because their other friend is horribly abusive and contributed to their trauma, so i don't wanna leave my friend alone. i don't know how to deal with empathizing with their pain and not being able to stop it feels like its killing me cause now im also throwing up multiple times a day, genuinely debating drug relapse to cope with it all and i can't sleep properly anymore and only sleep on specific 4 hour intervals throughout the day next to my phone so i can be on constant standby for the friend and i know its not healthy and if they knew it was like this they'd never tell me whats wrong again (which i really dont want i truly honest to god wanna be there for them), i feel like no matter how i go about it theres no winning in this situation and honestly i wanna die from it all which sounds so silly cause my friend is going through SO much worse and here i am going waaah this hurts me!! i just eugh, i don't know what to do. which i guess i know what to do, but i don't wanna do any of it i've never cared about someone like i care about them and the thought of leaving them to sort it out themselves feels like the end of the world, even though i know they're also a sociopath and don't feel empathy towards me which is also a new shitty feeling cause now i know how people feel around me. this is exhausting i don't know how people with empathy deal with it especially you kat!! if i remember correctly you mentioned being very empathetic, it's amazing you're able to handle having empathy and running a blog where people often dump stuff in your inbox (which uh is the very same thing im doing now, sorry!) ok i got it all out of my system i'm gonna go take a nap and hope the problem is solved tomorrow (it wont be but a bitch can hope!!) thank you for being a space where i could word vomit my brain out, i really hope things get better for you and that your eye gets sorted out <3

No matter how unwell your friend is, you're allowed to have boundaries and limits. And while I get the desire to be there and do everything you can because you care about your friend, you will not be able to continue pouring from an empty vessel. This is not a sustainable situation. You neglecting yourself and not sleeping and getting physically ill and wanting to die is not an acceptable consequence of your friend being in a toxic relationship without being able to change their situation. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I strongly encourage you to establish some boundaries here and stand by them. You do not lose your right to have boundaries when a loved one is mentally unwell and if you do not prioritize your own mental well-being, you will not be able to continue being there for you friend

#chat with kat #abuse tw #alcohol tw #trauma tw #addiction tw #suicidal ideation tw #suicide tw #vomit tw #drugs tw #homelessness tw

[troph4eum]

Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

#music #philosophy #trophaeum #ilyjin #SoundCloud

[crystalizeyourmind]

ive got this mutual dislike for this guy in my friend group and he was like does anyone have a cig and obviously everyone knows i do so i cant just say no or not say anything i pass him the box here u are mate. He takes 3 (?!🙄) then ‘accidently’ drops them all on the floor. No need to be a dick about it ik we arent mates and ik i feel like dropping you on the floor sometimes never mind the cigs but i dont

#hes fully insane though i swear hes got something wrong #reason he fell out with me is cos i sleep with older men no joke #then when he told people about it everyone qas likw??? ok and #and because that wasnt the reaction he wanted hes resorted to lying ab me #but still everyones like ??? because they are so obviously lies #opp #hater #some people just want to be the victim all the time

[lucas-coolboy]

i want to look masculine. i want to look passing so bad

#i want to be on t. i want to be on t. #i have ti rescheudle my fucking appointment still #ik i dont NEED to pass or anything obviously #just. i think abt my chest and i litwrally feel like dying #i literally cant go multiple days w/o wearing a binder even if it like really hurts my chest #if i can look more than just passing one day then ill be happy #i wish top surgery wasnt so expensive :') #and i wish keyhole surgery could b done on bigger chests so there wouldnt b scarring

[astrangerinbrownleatherboots]

Rangercore game idea: Hide And Sneak

5+ players

The aim of this game is to develop your sneaking abilities, as well as your tracking and observation skills. It is supposed to be played during the day, but you can adapt it to night if you wish, possibly combining it with Watchman.

BASE MODE:

You will need: bows for all the hiders (under 30 pounds) and one LARP arrow per person. In a pinch you can substitute these for nerf guns, or other small, soft hand missiles (but do not use pebbles or something that could actually injure someone!!!). You will need forested terrain, preferably with climbable trees and rocks and bushes you can hide behind. The “bounds” of the playing field should be quite large, about twice or three times the size of a usual hide and seek area. It also helps if everyone is wearing dark or woodland colours so they can blend in.

One person is the sneaker, everyone else is a hider. The sneaker gives the hiders 5-10 minutes while all the hiders… hide (a surprise ik). They should try and position themselves strategically, in trees hidden by foliage or low to the ground in bushes. Once the sneaker starts to try and look for the hiders (attempts at tracking are highly recommended), the latter need to try and snipe the former. The sneaker is, obviously, trying not to be shot, and to find all the hiders.

Now, if the sneakers manage to get a “kill shot” in (chest - head shots dont count as anything, don’t aim for the head), they get immunity from the sneaker and can go and have a tea with cookies or something (mead and stew??). If they manage to only “wound” the sneaker (legs or arms), they then have to make a run for whatever the “base” has been set. If they make it first they also get tea and cookies, but if they get tagged then they lose. Decide whether other hiders can shoot the sneaker if the latter is pursuing someone.

If the sneaker manages to name a hider and correctly point at their location, the hider loses. The name must be called before the sneaker is hit by the missile, and the hider cannot shoot after their name has been called.

STICK MODE: Give the game that extra spice ™

**play at own risk. Do not play with children under 13 for everyone’s safety. Participants must not be adverse to any potential injuries that may arise.**

You need: Everything in BASE MODE except everyone has - you guessed it - a stick. Foam swords would probably be wise if you can get ‘em, otherwise any sturdy stick you find will do.

Now the difference in game is that, should the sneaker be only “injured” by the missile, they and the hider must engage in pitched battle using the sticks as swords. Should the sneaker “kill” the hider, the hider loses, if the hider “kills” the sneaker than they win and get their preferred beverage, while the sneaker walks off their death as they continue to look for people. No one else is allowed to intervene for the sake of simplicity. Of course you can always just go hog wild if you want, but that leads to bruises and hurt feelings in my experience.

ALTERNATE GAMEPLAY: Any way you can think of to make the rules more fun for your group. Play it at night and combine it with Flashlight or Watchman, play it with water pistols for summer, make a buildup mode where failed hiders become sneakers, increase the amount of both sneakers and missiles to begin with, the options are really only limited to your imagination!

KIDS MODE: No sticks or missiles are involved. The aim is for the sneaker to tag the hider before they get to base. Basically just glorified 44 home.

KIDS MODE, BLOCK EDITION: Kids mode except at base there is a “block” (an upside down bucket works, or a 5L plastic water bottle with a litre of water in it. Anything that is puntable a fair distance basically). Draw a circle around the “block” with a 1.5-ish metre radius. The sneaker strays away from the block and tries to spot people and call their name. If a hiders name is called they have been “captured” and must stand inside the block circle. Other hiders can “kick the block” ie run out of hiding and kick the block as far as humanely possible, thereby freeing the prisoners who then scatter and hide (note: you cannot touch the block with your hands). Sneaker must run to grab the block and put it back in the circle, before they can try to re-capture everyone still in sight. The sneaker’s aim is to have everyone caught, the hiders’ aim is to make the sneaker give up. Fun fact this game is actually just called “kick the block”, my mum introduced it to me and my brother and it is one of the best camp games we’ve ever played 😄.

EDUCATION MERIT: The game teaches you how to be silent, how to sneak around, how to shoot people, how to hide, and most importantly how to whack people (STICK MODE only)

Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any injuries caused by playing this game, particularly STICK MODE.

This game (with the exception of KIDS MODE, BLOCK EDITION) is completely my invention and if you try and pass it off as your own gods help me but I WILL punt you into the sun with more force that that one time I kicked the block 30 metres away.

#rangercore #adventurecore #camping #campingcore #campcore #questcore #wandercore #nomadcore #vagabondcore #forestcore #naturecore #adventure #ranger aesthetic #my post

[letsgoravendors]

Writing Pet Peeves

(tw: talks about blood breifly, language)

Yes this is a rant, im sorry if it comes off as rude, i don’t mean for it to be

People who write AUs then title their stories as the AU... ik titles are hard to come up with but please have a title.

While on that subject, please don’t have “sorry I'm not good at summaries, just read it” in your story summary. Bruh, if you don’t have a summary that appeals to me, I’m not going to read it. And it’s especially annoying when they add it on after their summary, just keep it at that or make it into an author’s note, please, i beg of you, it makes people hesitant to read it cause like.... if you can’t write a summary, I assume you can’t write your story (that sounds harsh but I'm being honest).

People who don’t do even just the bare minimum of research when they write about injuries.

Just gonna put some stuff here in that—if someone gets shot or stabbed in the stomach, they will probably die unless they receive immediate medical attention (and even then the odds aren’t great), those stomach acids do not mix well outside the protective stomach lining its made for. IF YOUR CHARACTER HAS BEEN SHOT OR WOUNDED IN ANY WAY—THEY ARE NOT ALL GOOD TO KEEP FIGHTING/VIBING LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG. Blood loss affects people differently depending on their age, size, and health, so don’t immediately make someone pass out (though that can happen), on that note, don’t ignore the steps of what happens with things like blood loss and poison, not everyone reacts universally to something, explain what happens, don’t jump to the end. Just please for the love of god do just a bit of research about it—and if you really don’t want to, at least make it believable, if something sounds logical, I’ll go with it.

My god, please do not make characters OOC, especially if it's in the same story like.... dude frrr??? Also, if you want to change their personality from the original source material, that’s okay! But make it make sense, explain why the character is like that, why have they changed? Have their character crafted, then have them make decisions that seem logical to that personality. And this is not me saying characters can’t grow, they absolutely should, I’m just saying, don’t skip that growth without context and don’t make them act in a way they never would.

This goes for dialogue too, don’t write a high-class character using a lot of contractions, don’t have the serious character using “like” or “omg” or anything a teenage girl would say. If someone has an accent, like a Southern accent, they will say “y’all” (I say it all the time and I’m just barely from the south) but if they live in California or New York, that will turn into “you guys”. And some characters might pause more when they speak, think about if your character is calculated with their words, if they are, there shouldn’t be a lot of “um’s” “uhs” or “likes”. But some characters speak impulsively and talk fast, then there might be more filler words. Like everything in writing, it differs, if you make it the same, it gets boring. If you really want a character to reflect where they’re from, look it up, look up slang from that place or how they usually speak, everything is on google.

Do not assume the reader knows what you're talking about. You created the story, so you obviously know more than the readers, but don’t just make an assumption that the readers know what is happening or know what happened just because you do/think it's obvious. We want to read the backstory, we want to know how these characters met or how they got to where they are now, don’t skate past that for the sake of convenience.

For the love of all things holy, DONT MAKE YOUR STORY ONE LONG PARAGRAPH. I immediately exit the story when I see that, my eyes get lost on the page and it’s really super fucking overwhelming to look at everything with no paragraph breaks. We need those spaces to know who's talking, to know if there's a time change, sometimes to even stress something or add suspense. You’re writing could be amazing, but the way you present it is just as important, don’t forget that.

Just remember this rule, if you are changing topic, time, place, a different person’s line of dialogue, OR to add in dramatic effect, then you must make a new paragraph. It makes everyone much more easier to understand, I swear.

If you write in 1st person, I am not reading your story, sorry. I used to write in 1st person, I thought it was superior, but very few authors actually make it work. This is my own opinion (like everything else here) but 3rd person (omniscience or limited) is better because you can be more descriptive with it. This also does depend on your writing skill level, most people who start off write in 1st person, that's okay, but when you feel more comfortable it might be easier to transition to 3rd person.

And if you’re switching pov’s, please make it obvious (don’t title it) UNLESS you’re intention is for the chapter to start off without the reader knowing who's pov it is. But most of the time when you aren’t trying to make it mysterious, it’s just really confusing and people have to read ahead to know what is happening. Again, just because you know what is going on doesn’t mean your readers do.

PROPER CAPITALIZATION AND PUNCTUATION. Please, just, please. If you start a new paragraph or if it's after a period, capitalize the first word. Dear God, please don’t make a run-on sentence. (“I” should always be capitalized if it's it’s own word and well as “I’ve” “I’m” or “I’ll”... I am aware I’m a hypocrite because I’ve broken that rule in this rant, but this is not a story)

This would usually be where I would help you with where to put commas but... no one really knows all the rules... just use your best judgment, and if you don’t have good judgment then ask a friend who does. Or just use grammarly, it helps with the basics of proper comma usage and it’s free.

This is going to sound harsh but, if you’re going to write something, don’t half-ass it. You’ve decided to write something, writing takes hard fucking work, it takes research, it takes planning, it takes time to just think and figure out plot points, and if you aren’t willing to do that, you’re writing will reflect that lack of effort.

That is not to say that if you don’t like the way you’re writing now, that doesn’t mean you should stop at all. If you want to improve, you will, it takes time and exposure, and practice. If you don’t think you can write well now if you stick with it for even just a few months, you will get better because, with writing and other things involving creativity, nothing can be “perfect”, you are always finding ways to make yourself better, don’t take this rant as a sign to stop writing, please. I hope I didn’t scare anyone, but I do hope I made people aware of some of the stuff you should watch out for.

#im sorry if this comes off as rude #these things just irritate me especially if the author isn’t just starting out #its forgivable when someone is a new writer because they’re just starting #this also turned from a pure rant into me just giving advice so #well i hope it was helpful #and i hope you take some of it into consideration #cause ik im not the only one who thinks this #wiriting #writing tips #my writing #six #six the musical #cause thats what I usually write

[lalxca]

TBHK as Boyfriends

this is my first time, please bear with me ;w;

Hanako-kun

poor s/o will be teased all day

but ofc he doesnt mean it skskif

if youre smaller than him, he will be giddy

and ofc 2x more of teasing

better give him donuts

if he had a bad day, 100% will get even better

he will protect you from ANYTHING, and i mean ANYTHING

you stubbed your toe? he will blame the table

my guy doesnt let you near teru

'hey! wHAT DID YOU DO TO S/O?!?!'

pure bb needs hugs

if you have a chance, pls spank him

he will get all flustered HAHAH

like cmon he has cake ok im sorry-

and lets not forget, you have to clean the toilets

with nene and kou ofc

pls bear with his flirting

's/o! i have a poem for you!'

'oh no not again'

most of the time he wont give up until youre all red and flustered-

aGaiN, hanako needs hugs

especially give him hugs if he remember his past

youll always get a wholesome smile and a kiss for a reward, trust me ;)

'just call no.7 if you need me!'

Kou Minamoto

aHa wholesome bb boi, kou

he will always cook lunch for you two

when you dont eat his food he gets sad (oh you better eat it)

he needs cuddles

he needs cuddles

pls give him some

ofc, will always protect you

'you..! what did you do to my s/o?!'

ALWAYS GIVE HIM CHEEK AND FOREHEAD KISSES

he will instantly blush

ESPECIALLY if you kiss him on the lips

like '😳'

also, you lucky girl

he will roam around the school with you

study dates ! ! !

if youre smart, plsa help him study

if youre not (just me) you two mightve just stare off into space

and ofc, he will always walk you home

'i'll always protect you no matter what, s/o!'

Teru Minamoto

OMG BB DKSISIDHWH

ok back to topic

he will definitely treat you as a princess

well i mean, youre his princess after all

he will help you with every subject

will always be there when you need him

and ofc, he is the prince, he will protect you

if his fans does anything to you, oh boy thats enough

he will definitely rage

bc youre the most precious thing he has, along with tiara and kou

tiara LOVES you

you three will play castle or house together

when kous there, ofc bb gets to join in

tiara will style your hair and show it to teru

teru will be a smiling mess with light blushing

's/o-neechan! teru-nii loves you very much!'

'well i love him very much too!'

cuddles are a must

he loves back hugging you

cmon my guys a tower

but he also loves getting back hugged too

like who doesnt even want to hug that tiny waist fododowididhwhd-

you will have 100% kisses everyday

but ofc in private, like in the student council room

's/o. come here.' *chu~*

poor akane became a thirdwheel and will just leave time for you two

'do you have any subjects you need help with, s/o?~'

Mitsuba Sousuke

ok sweet little bb

ik hes all cocky and sht but

he loves his s/o very much

will always take pictures of you

'hey, s/o. look over here.'

'hm?' *click*

he will accept that youre the only one cuter than him

pls always hold his hand

especially when he gets scared

bonus hugging too

youll always be with him while hes taking pictures

and youll just mostly watch him and kou quarrel

you two now stay mostly at his boundary when he isnt taking pics

obviously cuddling

he was alone there so he was with tsukasa and the others

but now he doesnt mind being in his boundary

bc youre there

'ne, s/o. lets go and take pictures!'

Akane Aoi

BB IEOWOEKWJQB

ok i spent 5mins trying to figure out if his name is aoi or akane- im a dumbass

he will forget abt aoi when he met you

bc cmon youre ✨ beautiful and kind ✨

will always protect you

especially from supernaturals

will not let anyone touch you

and ofc they wont

i mean, have you seen him with his frickin bat?

will let you play with his hair while studying

he will get sleepy most of the time and

wait for it

pass out on your lap if theres a chance

best. moment. ever.

like teru, he also helps you study

he wont give up until you understand the lesson

get ready to be complimented all day

always needs cuddles and kisses

'i wont let anyone hurt you, s/o. dont worry.'

Tsukasa

aHAHAH SMOL BOI HERE HE COMES

clingy as heck

he wont let go

he holds tight too like you cant bREATHE—

no. 1 protector

youve seen him smash things

so pls dont let him do it

youll have to hold him back

ok next topic

he will get the chance to smooch you

'dO sMoOcHeS tAsTe liKe lEmOnS?'

if he found out it doesnt he might sulk lol

so drink a lemonade while youre at it

's/o! gimme smooches!'

omfg im sorry if theyre too ooc- its my first time doing this

#writing #fanfiction #tbhk spoilers #anime x reader #amane yugi x reader #amane x reader #tsukasa yugi x reader #tsukasa x reader #akane aoi x reader #akane x reader #mitsuba sousuke x reader #mitsuba x reader #anime #toilet bound hanako kun #tbhk #tbhk x reader #jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk x reader #jshk

[ambitionsofcandlewax]

suicide talk, vent//

my closest friend literally just made a joke in passing ab how they tried to kill themself a few nights ago why is this always happening (not that im blaming/shaming them for it of course) but its always like yeah lol i tried to kms again lmao and they never tell me anything about it and it just feels like so weird the way theyre handling it like maybe dont send me screenshots of your search history where its all different searches for how to kill yourself and say somethings wrong. it feels so manipulative because if i ask whats wrong i get "its nothing lol just a joke" or they get mad and i have to apologize. on top of that, in the gc this happened in (me, the friend, and another person) they joked about it and the other friend was like referencing some inside joke they had from the night it happened? and i was just there like "what?? what are you ok?" why the fuck would u tell someone like them before me and expect me to laugh along like even if it was funny i dont get the joke? i feel so selfish for being so pissed off when they literally tried to off themself but maybe if theyd stop using their mental illness to manipulate me all the time i would know how im supposed to be handling this situation. "oh, did we ever tell montag about that?" no of course not because i dont joke about it i wanna make sure theyre okay first. so yeah go to the one whos just gonna make jokes about it with you before whos supposed to be your best friend youll never find support from them you never have. "ik what its about" well i dont and i dont find it funny i just wanna know that my friend is okay without being made to seem like im being jealous that i wasnt told. i dont care if you told him before me i want to know that youre ok what the fuck do you mean "fyi i didnt tell him before you". clearly you did if theres an inside joke? just let me help you you know thats all im good for thats the only reason im kept around, i listen to your issues but dont talk about my own (i run a yandere blog for fucks sake obviously no one listens to my issues) i just am so tired of giving and giving and giving but never getting so much as a thank you in return. im being shamed for trying to help and being made to seem like im jealous. "thats the last time, then, that ill try to help them" i say the same shit every time until it happens again and im bending over backwards to make things as right as i can when its clearly not wanted. im so fucking tired. IM WORRIED FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW, IM ON THE VERGE OF A PANIC ATTACK BUT YOURE TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD UPSET ABOUT NOT GETTING A TOY. CAN WE HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION FOR ONCE YOU JUST TRIED TO KILL YOURSELF. I UNDERSTAND HUMOR AS A COPING MECHANISM BUT YOU NEED TO BALANCE THAT IM TRYING TO HELP YOU, YOU ASK ME FOR HELP BUT DONT ACCEPT IT, GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO SAY "I NEED HELP" IN EVERY WAY BUT DIRECTLY SAYING IT BUT THEN GET BITCHY WITH ME FOR WORRYING ABOUT YOU. again i obviously dont blame them for what happened but im so upset that im the fucking villain in this situation and its worded so messily here so u cant even tell anything actually happened because this is so all over the place but im just so done being treated the way i am for simply being worried about someone

#⇢ 🖤 ៸៸ VENTZ ꒦꒷꒦ ⌗ #not yan #dont rb this shit lol #long post

[bxthharmon]

Never Go Home Again, Pt. XII || JJ Maybank x Reader

Words: 3130

Series Warnings: violence / talking about abuse / toxic relationships / talking about nudes sex and sex tapes / drugs / underage drinking

Pt. Warnings: Guns / blood and violence

Series Summary: A new girl, a shoebox of old memories, a past she’s trying to forget coincide with a hotheaded, but selfless, boy.  teenagers getting in way over their heads

Pt. Summary: Chaos catches up, causing trouble for everyone involved

A/N: sorry for the slow updates, but with the event (tysm btw ily) i’ve been busy. i have a few more requests, and i promise im getting to them. anyway! feels weird, only 2 or 3 parts left. tysm for all this support <3

Chapters linked in my masterlist.

“masterlist”

JJ woke up before you. His face felt stiff from the tears he’d shed the night before, and the corners of his eyes were filled with sleep. He rubbed his eyes, phosphenes decorating his mind as he pulled them open. The window was wide open, curtains fluttering in the light breeze and the sun decorating the room with a natural glow. He became aware of the towel thrown over the dresser and the wet clothes hanging in the window sill, the memories of last night returning. He looked down at you.

You were curled up, one of his tops and a pair of his joggers covering your body as you gripped his arm lightly in your sleep. He blinked, admiring the lock of hair falling over your face, the curve of your lashes and the relaxed smile that adorned your sleeping frame. He brushed the hair out of your face and let it fall. He realised that he was in deep. Somewhere across the room, the ping of a phone notification pulled him from his thoughts. He looked up, seeing the bluish light coming from the floor on the other side of the room. He slid his arm from your hold, careful not to wake you as you unconsciously pulled the pillow into your grip instead. He rose from the bed, careful not to let the bed creak as he left you. He padded across the room, picking up the phone from the wooden floorboards.

The phone awoke as he lifted it, a series of fresh messages lining up under the time. 

Tyler: hey

Tyler: ik i fucked up with us, but i cant stop thinking abt seeing u when u visited

Tyler: can we try again?

Tyler: ik u said u were seeing someone and dont wanna fuck it up, but i still love u

Tyler: let me know. I miss u

He almost choked, heart beating in his ears as he looked back to your sleeping frame, rising and falling with oblivious breaths. He looked back at the phone, placing it on the dresser softly. He left the room, clicking the door shut as softly as he could, and making his way to the kitchen. He rinsed a mug and put the kettle on, rummaging through the cupboards for the instant coffee granules. He pulled the silver pot from the shelf, peeling the cap off and tapping it on the side of the mug so the granules tumbled in, the dark brown contrasting the light ceramic. He poured the contents of the boiling kettle in, watching the hot water consume the granules and turn brown. He stirred and sipped, hissing as it burnt his tongue. He never had the patience to wait for it to cool down.

He studied the cupboards again, finding no edible food, not trusting the bread after his previous experience. He sipped the coffee again, allowing himself to look back at the closed bedroom door. He wanted to know what happened when you went back, but knew he wouldn’t like the answer. After last night, he knew Tyler was an asshole, and wanted more than anything to fly to California and punch him in the face, but couldn’t understand the text. Thoughts were flashing through his head, ideas rushing to his head. He wondered if he should ask, or leave it and wait for you to tell him. He knew you had no obligation to him, but he also knew that you two had something going on. Whatever that something was. He sighed. 

He thought about how he felt when he saw you smile, how much he’d spiralled after your argument, how vulnerable he was around you. It hit him suddenly, an epiphany that took all his air away but made him feel alive, made him feel broken and brilliant all in one moment. He loved you.

Down the hall, on the other side of the door, he heard the bed creak. There was a pause, and then he heard the floorboards moan. Another minute, and he heard the ping of your phone notification. There was another pause, then the door opened and you stood in front of him, hair tousled by sleep and eyes fresh. You smiled at him, reaching out and pulling him in, kissing his temple and stepping away to make your own coffee. His heart pulled, not letting him push you away and reaching out as you left his arms, but not wanting it because of those stupid texts. In that moment, he fights his impulse and decides to wait for you to tell him. Would you tell him?

He draws his attention to you, hopping back onto the counter next to you. He watched you, enamored with the way you moved, the way you brush against him, the way you seem so carefree in the moment. He wants to kiss you, but he knows he won’t until he knows what’s going on. 

Faster than he wants to admit, you’ve finished your coffees and Kie and Pope are awake, moving about after leaving their slumber on the pullout couch, and then setting up the pulley for the well. Your mood changes when they’re up. You’re more talkative, brushing over any mention of the night before, helping when you can. You look back at him a couple of times, and each time his heart flutters.

You can feel blisters working on your skin as you help Pope with the winch, the rope burning at your skin in the force of the friction, but you don’t pay it any mind. You finish with the mechanism, stepping away and sitting down next to JJ, passing some witty banter with Kie, and opening a bottle of beer, the cool glass soothing the hot skin on your palms.

“What does it feel like?” Pope asked, watching Kie as she sat in the can hanging from the pulley.

“Feels good.” she confirms, pulling the rope slightly.

“John B’s pulling a Houdini.” JJ stated, putting his own beer down.

“Yeah, where is he?” you asked.

“I got my scholarship interview in the morning.” Pope reminded, “We gotta get this done.”

“Speak of the devil!” JJ grinned as John B strode past you all without so much as a ‘hello’. “Hey! Dude, I put up the entire winch to pull up the gold and everything.”

“No he did not.” You laughed.

“We did that.” Pope said, gesturing between you.

John B ignored you, and Kie called after him as he entered the Chateau. “Okay, that’s it?” you muttered.

“What’s that all about?” Pope asked, walking to you and JJ.

“I was gonna ask you the same question.” JJ said, you and him getting off the hot tub and following him into the Chateau. When you entered, John B was pulling the house apart, searching.

“You alright, man?” Pope asked, “What’s up?”

“What are you looking for?” Kie added.

“Bro, what’s going on, man?” JJ asked, following him as he pulled the gun from under the cushioning on the sofa.

“John B, what do you need the gun for?” You and JJ stepped forwards, both reaching to take the weapon. John B grabbed your shoulders, pushing you over and shoving past JJ as you all yelled for him to chill and talk to you. Pope tried to block his exit.

“What are you, JJ, now?” Pope asked as you and Kie yelled for him to calm down. John B pushed Pope back into the table as you followed him out, asking for him to explain, or calm down. You ran down the steps, the others close behind. He mounted the dirt bike, looking back at the four of you.

“John B, what the hell?” Kie yelled.

“Ward knows about the gold.” John B spoke for the first time. “He killed my dad.”

You ran as far as the dirt track, watching the bike disappear as JJ swore.

--

“What now, we just go up to the front door and ask, ‘Hey, have you seen John B’?”

The night felt dark, cold, and your boat felt fragile next to the stupidly big boat across the pontoon from you. The shape of the Cameron house was huge and adorned with golden windows on the other side of the lawn.

“Look, he lives in Tannyhill now, it’s plausible.” Kie reasoned, but you could tell she was just grabbing at loose ends. “We can play dumb.”

“Play dumb?” you frowned.

“It’s pretty late.” Pope added.

“Look, I’ve never seen John B like that. We should honestly be going to the cops.” Kie countered.

“The cops? And say what, Kie?” you almost laughed, “‘We’re worried about our friend because he’s going off on a rampage because Ward Cameron killed Big John’? They’re not gonna believe us!”

“Hey, I see Ward.” Pope interrupted you, binoculars up as he watched the house. Kie took the binoculars, checking for herself. “Doesn’t look dead to me, let’s go home.”

“What?” Kie turned, shocked and offended.

“Uh, okay. Obviously Mr Cameron is fine, and even if John B was here, he isn’t now, okay? Plus, I have the biggest, most important moment of my life in six hours.”

“Yeah, well our friend is in trouble.”

“I’m in trouble! Guys, I haven’t been home in three days! My dad’s probably put all my shit on the street by now.”

“Okay, so that’s it? In a time of need you’re just gonna bail? You’re just gonna walk away?”

“Okay, yo, guys.” You spoke from the other side of the boat, “Can we not do this right now?”

“Hey, I have a scholarship interview in the morning.” Pope reminded Kie.

“Okay, well what about John B?” Kie asked.

“Why is it always about John B?” Pope questioned, and you sighed, looking away as Kie looked around, caught off guard.

“It’s not always about John B. You’re so stupid! It would be any of you in this situation.”

“Bullshit!”

“Guys.” JJ tried to stop them.

“This is about friendship!” Kie powered on.

“Bring it down.” said JJ.

“This is about pogues for life!”

“What about forensic pathology, huh?” countered Pope.

“Forensic pathology?” Kie scoffed.

“It’s my life! It’s everything I’ve worked for!”

“That’s your priority?”

“Would you stop with the moral high ground bullshit?”

“Pope, come on.” you cut in.

“No.” he rejected, “No, no. She has no room to talk.” You looked down, knowing you didn’t either. “Where were you when Big John went missing? You weren’t there. You weren’t there for John B. You weren’t there for any of us! Remember your kook year?”

“Dude.” JJ tried, again, to stop the argument.

“Yeah, you forgot about us. Now you feel guilty.”

“Give me a break.” She pushed him, and he staggered but held his ground, you and JJ were up within seconds. “Is that what you need? You need a break? Move!”

You and JJ pulled them away from each other, shouting for them to stop, to cut it out. You held Kie’s shoulders, the both of you breathing heavily. She stared straight ahead, holding eye contact with Pope as JJ looked between them.

“If I’m the one mediating, we’ve hit rock bottom.” JJ sighed. You dropped your hands from Kie’s shoulders. She sat down as you sent Pope to the bow of the ship, sitting down as well.

“Pope, we’ll drop you off.” You said, JJ steering the boat. 

--

You sat, facing away from the group, water washing around your ankles, arms propped up on the wood as you stared at your phone. You were aware of the conversation - the gold was gone - but you weren’t really listening, or paying attention. Your mind was plagued with worries that felt trivial compared with what was going on, but still felt like the world would implode if you didn’t sort them.

Tyler was rejecting your refusals, insisting you humour him. You turned around briefly to look at JJ, who was watching you. You wondered if he had worked out that you’d slept with Tyler, even though you hadn’t mentioned it. But, of course, you hadn’t mentioned it - he couldn’t know.

You broke from your thoughts as Pope came blundering down the path. “Guys!” he halted when he reached you, and you picked your legs up, swinging around to face the group. “Oh, God, I ran all the way here.”

“How was the interview?” you asked.

“Don’t ask.”

“Promising.”

“JB, look, I’m sorry dude. About everything.”

“It’s fine.” John B disregarded.

“But - but I don’t have a lot of time, and I have information that is tactically relevant. So, before I had my interview, my dad said he was going down to the private airstrip to cut palms for Cameron’s big plane. Because it was too heavy, it needed a longer landing strip to take off. So, I’m there sitting in my interview, thinking to myself, ‘Hm, why would Cameron need a longer airstrip to take off? What could be so heavy to weigh it down?’”

“Gold.” JJ turned.

“That’s right.” John B confirmed.

“Exactly! Guys, this is our chance, but it leaves tonight, and we have to go.”

“We can’t give up now.” Kie smiled, jumping down from where she was balanced.

“What’s the plan, big man?” JJ asked.

“We’re gonna steal that shit back.” John B stated.

You smiled, this was going to be a shit show.

--

“We go in there, guns-a-blazin’, make Ward Cameron beg for mercy, abscond with as much gold as possible, and vámanos, get the hell out of there.” JJ summed up.

“Send that shit right down the intracoastal.” John B added.

“Wait for the weather.” Kie reminded.

“Exit to Cuba.” Pope finalised.

“Cuba?” JJ sounded offended at the idea, “No, man, Xcalak, the jewel of the Yucatan. Lobsters so thick, mangoes, no word for money.”

“I like the sound of that,” you hummed, sitting up from where you lay across the back seats, “Let’s do this shit.”

The VW rattled on for a few hundred feet, John B curving into a break in the thicket, the lot of you leaping out of the car to a wire fence.

“What’s the plan?” Kie asked. “Broad strokes.”

“I don’t think we got that far.” John B admitted, Pope pulled out his binoculars.

“They’re loading up the gold.” Pope pointed out. 

John B took the binoculars, watching the scene before him. You were all pressed up to the wire fence, and you could see a car rolling up to the plane. You watched the figures exit, faintly recognisable without the binoculars. John B lowered the black instrument, Kie asking him what was going on.

“It’s Sarah.” 

You looked back at the plane. They played out like a scene in a play, little figurines moving around, until Sarah was being dragged onto the plane by the shape that must have been her father. John B disappeared from your side as the engine began to whir, loud enough to be audible from your spot behind the fence. Behind you, a car door slammed, and you shouted for your friend as he started the engine, forcing all of you to step back as he smashed through the gate, JJ’s “Don’t be a hero!” resounding in the air.

Still shouting, the four of you ran through the gap as he accelerated towards the moving plane, your shouts fracturing the air. Upon the realisation that whatever stupid, reckless thing John B was doing couldn’t be stopped, you waited in baited breath. You watched the van swerve in the plane’s path, the screech of the brakes reaching your ears. You heard and watched the second squeal as the plane halted, barely feet away from the pogue.

Somewhere in the distance, you heard the sirens.

“Guys, I can’t get arrested.” Pope spoke, breaking the shocked silence you had been standing in.

“I’m on probation.” JJ added. 

“We’re no good if we’re all in jail.” Kie confirmed, and you turned to the three of them.

“You serious?” you almost laughed.

“Y/N,” JJ started.

“Go, if you have to.” You nodded, “I’ll step in if he needs me, God knows what’ll happen.”

Kie and Pope nodded,setting off, but JJ stood. “You can’t-”

“JJ, you said yourself - you’re on probation. But they don’t know I’m here, I’ll be fine.” You smiled, stronger than you felt, “Go.”

He followed your friends, and you stepped back into the trees, the sick feeling in your stomach foreboding a turn of events. The blue and white police car was racing down the runway, and you could almost feel the panic in your friends.

You saw the Sheriff get out, and the exchange that led to Ward’s arrest. You watched her get him on the floor, gun pointed at his face, you heard a bang.

The scene froze for a second, but suddenly time sped up, the Sheriff collapsed, and there was another figure. The gun was pointed at John B. You felt yourself move forwards, but the figures were moving - Sarah’s crumpling onto the floor, Ward standing, John B’s moving to help Sheriff Peterkin. You watched Ward and the new figure. Fuck it.

“John B!” you screamed, and he looked up. He was sprinting towards you as the three Cameron’s started fighting. You jogged, the pair of you breaking into a sprint as you got to the woods, fighting your way through the thicket as more sirens joined the melee. Shots were fired, but they sounded numb to your racing mind. He was slightly ahead of you, faded hoodie flashing as you both ran flat out. Before you registered the road, the horn was honking and John B was rolling over the bonnet of a car. You grabbed his shoulders, pulling him up, the pair of you running as the driver shouted for you.

You needed to find the others.

You ran for a while, slowing to a walk as you discussed where the others would be. The junkyard, you thought.

After five minutes, you stopped, forcing him to prove to you that the blood on his arms was only Peterkin’s, and that he wasn’t injured.

Somewhere above you, there was a plane. 

You were walking slowly now, approaching the junkyard. You felt numb, knowing that everything was completely different now. You turned the corner, seeing the three other pogues gathered, Pope taking a hit from JJ’s juul. Weird.

They ran to you, seeing the blood in John B’s hands and your shirt (from your attempts to check his injuries) and immediately began to panic, giving you once overs.

“Who’s blood is that?”

You all ducked behind the clutter to avoid the approaching sirens, allowing yourself a moment to breathe. You glanced at the blonde boy next to you, but as you went to speak, he turned away harshly. What the fuck?

Tags: @tangledinsparkles​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @lolitstiana​ @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch​ @teamnick​ @thoughtsofthestars​ @obxmxybxnk​ @jjmaybankswife​ @kaelyn-lobrutto24​ @sxcretinhuman​ @alexa-playafricabytoto​ @angvelics​ @badwolf00593​ @coloradogirl07​ @mendesmaybank​ @jiaraendgame​ @5am-cigarette​ @emerald-xcd​ @haharudy​

#obx #obx fanfiction #obx fanfic #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fanfic #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj x reader #jj x you #jj x y/n #john b #john b routledge #kie #kie carrera #kiara #kiara carrera #pope #pope heyward #sarah #sarah cameron

[chocolate-parfait]

"Paranormal night? I don't think so!" - Ikemen Vampire (Isaac)

TW ; vomit , mature language

@sciamchyafterdusk requested:

I saw your post with the halloween propts also i dont really know if im requesting this right i just got tumblr but Mc and isaac from ikemen vampire for 21 and 26 🥺🍁 I just think it would be really funny because I doubt isaac would believe in ghost probably just a prank from dazzi and arthur but, I think he’d deny it but secretly not so secretly be a scaredy-cat (also male reader but ik most people have female mcs so you dont have to write it if you dont feel comfortable with that!)

Sassy!Male!MC because I'm kinda tired of writing for beautiful perfect ladies that go STOP TEASING ME TEEHEE, blush over nothing and sing like disney princesses. (watch me do exactly that in the next piece I write)

+it's not a negative thing or anything as I'm the first one who likes to write for that type of trope but,, variety is very much needed every once in a while

21. “Oh my gaud, I think the crystal ball is working. The spirits are telling me you’re a dumbass.”

26. “I dare you to go down there.”

Isaac had no idea why he ever thought this could have been a good idea in the first place. Sitting by a candlelit round table, Dazai, Arthur, you and your lover were staring at a crystal ball placed in the middle of the wooden surface, hands ceremoniously joined together to form a circle.

The room was growing colder by the minute, as the local paranormal enthusiast decided that a fire would scare the spirits away. Despite the polar temperatures, you managed to keep your hand warm enough to try and offer some kind of support to your partner, Isaac, whose left hand was as cold as ice and even slightly trembling, though you kept any type of comment to yourself as you knew he wouldn't be pleased to have a third bully team up against him.

Unfortunately for both of you, the two writers' analyzing eyes were vigilant even in the darkness of the room, and they simultaneously decided to poke fun at the scientist as they waited for something to happen.

"Ai-chan, are you scared?" The Japanese teasingly inquired. "C'mon old Newt! Shouldn't you believe in numbers and science a little bit more? I'm sure your gravitational equation will come to save you if a ghost tries strangling you!~" The other man said, obviously aware of the hypocrisy of his statement. "Would you look at that..! You're shaking like a leaf and your expression is quite the amusing one..." Arthur added, slightly leaning forward to get a better look at his face. "C'mon, stop bullying him, you two." You whispered with a scolding tone.

You didn't exactly believe in these things, and yet the slight creepiness of the whole atmosphere couldn't quite let your heart remain completely unmoved. Just as you turned your eyes back on the transparent sphere, Arthur straightened like a board and with utmost earnestness exclaimed:"I can feel a presence... Dear Lord, look behind you Isaac!!"

"W-WHAT IS IT-?!" The fragile man half screamed, throwing himself to your side and squeezing your arm tightly, as if scared a supernatural entity would grab him from behind and drag him to Hell. The moment the exclamation left your lover's lips your eyes flew to the back of the room, noting with your own two pupils that there was absolutely nothing out of the ordinary there.

"Haa... you really are an impossible one Arthur." You said with a sigh while pinching the bridge of your nose. "I'm utterly serious when it comes to these things!" Said the English man with a slight pout marking his features. Then, an idea came to your mind.

The blue haired flirt always found an excuse to either tease you or your man, and a payback was the least you could do.

"Wait! Look at the sphere- no way... that's impossible..." You mumbled with an incredulous tone, making the best shocked expression you could manage. Three other pair of eyes moved to the crystal ball, focusing with all their might to try and see what you were talking about. "Do you see something??" Arthur's voice came out in a whisper, hushed and grave.

"Oh my gaud, I think the crystal ball is working. The spirits are telling me you’re a dumbass!"

"O-of course you didn't see anything- ghosts don't exist anyways..." Isaac whispered to himself, finally letting go of your arm and huffing in relief.

"MC!!! Take this seriously!!" Seeing the playboy so offended pleased you, and you responded with a hearty laugh. "Yeah well, I'm not really the biggest believer of these type of things. I'm still shocked the author of Sherlock Holmes is a fan of the occult, though!"

"Don't you dare mention that piece of trash in front of me!" Ah, there was his weakness. Whenever someone mentioned the detective, he'd lose his temper in the blink of an eye, becoming vulnerable to every type of teasing remark thrown his way. This was a tactic you had started using quite often whenever you wanted to help Isaac with all the mocking gibberish thrown his way.

"Now, now, let us not fight!" Dazai cut off your thoughts with his signature smile. "If we make too much noise, the oni might hear us and come our way"

"A what? ...can't you guys just stop with all the demon talk?" Isaac complained. "They clearly don't exist." He concluded.

"And even if they found us, would they stand a chance against three vampires? You should be scared of yourselves, not some stinky heap of darkness and evil. You can probably snap their necks like a twig with your superhuman strength." You added, looking at the two people sitting in front of you with narrowed eyes.

"Your words bring me an unimaginable amount of disapproval, MC" Did Arthur always need to have the last word on everything? "So do you." You remarked, finally standing up to make your way to the door, clearly done with the conversation.

Barely seconds after you stepped out in the hallway, you heard the sound of a chair sliding against the floor, followed by the familiar sound of shoes you had learnt to recognize anywhere.

"There's no way I'm staying in that room with those two tortures." Isaac scoffed. "I-I'd rather spend my time with you." His tone was shy, but when reaching for your hand, his touch was bold and yet gentle. At this display of cuteness, you couldn't help but softly press a kiss to his cheek before squeezing his hand in yours. "Shall we head back to your room then?" And as your question was answered with a nod, you two started walking down the dark hallway, hand in hand.

Newton's room was quite far from the small lounge you had borrowed for your spooky night, and minutes passed as a comfortable silence hung between the two of you, steps muffled by the red carpet of the hallway filling resonating softly in the empty corridor.

Letting your mind wander freely during the small walk, you went over the events of the day and the evening in particular. The firm words of scepticism you had thrown at Arthur's way suddenly tumbled on you all at once.

What if... what if something were to happen now? Wouldn't it be funny? How ironic would it be! It was a thought that made your heart race; the possibility of witnessing something uncommon, out of this world and probably life-threatening was something that had always attracted the human heart, and you certainly weren't an exception despite your earlier contradicting statement. Sure, you weighed rationalism way more than matters from the supernatural sphere, and yet you had already been proved wrong once when you arrived to the mansion. So maybe nothing was impossible, right..?

You unconsciously slowed your pace, as if wanting to increase the chances of seeing some kind of paranormal activity, and fortunately enough your twisted prayers were met in the strangest of ways.

Passing by the access to the staircase that took downstairs to the cellar, you heard the most curious of sounds. It wasn't perfectly audible from your position, but you could make out incoherent mumbling and sounds that were human but not quite. Seeing how you had stopped walking, Isaac called out to you. "MC..?" After a few seconds of unresponsiveness, you turned to him, curiosity and a hint of mischief in your excited orbs. "Isaac, I dare you to go down there.” His eyes widened in surprise, and before he knew what what happening, you were pushing his back down the steps, adding in a reassuring whisper:"Don't worry. I'm right behind you." But the way you gripped his shoulder didn't go unnoticed, and it reminded him of when he had done the same thing to you minutes prior. Perhaps, those words of encouragement served to placate your quivering spirits, now slaves to your immense curiosity. The scientist certainly couldn't blame you when it came to that, so he gulped down his fear and, in an spur of bold courage, made his way down the dark, old staircase.

What was driving him was possibly either the wish to appear a bit cooler in your eyes or his innate spirit of in inquiry, maybe both. Meanwhile the weird murmurs and rustles got stronger as you approached the end of the stairs, and with a heart thundering wildly in both of your chests, you peeked into the cold basement. What you saw was...

"What in God's name aRE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Theo, slumped against the floor next to Vincent and a pool of...liquids. The angel was whispering words in his brother's ear while drawing soothing circles with his hand on the man's back. Just as you and your lover stepped into the room a pair of blue eyes flew to your figures in a surprised manner, and the blonde's soft voice found its way to your ears.

"Can you guys... help me out?" He said, slipping his arm under Theo's armpit to try and raise him up while offering you an apologetic smile. "We went to the pub to celebrate my newest painting but I'm afraid he exaggerated a bit... He... Theo is so drunk he fell down the stairs"

At this phrase you burst out laughing and Isaac stifled a giggle at the idea of the gruff man tumbling down like a sack of potatoes, then nodded and moved to help the eldest Van Gogh. The moment your lover got next to to the now half standing drunk vampire, Theo emitted a guttural noise and painted his usual grey vest in a terrifying yellow-ish color that would've looked breathtaking on Vincent's canvas. If it hadn't been... vomit, that is.

As you saw the pink haired vampire stiffen up in disgust, you started laughing even harder, calming down ever so slightly once you remembered how horrible your loudness must feel to someone so hungover. After recovering some much needed air, you went to help the two porters who were struggling to open the door as Theo's wobbly legs threatened to make them all fly down the steps, a smile on your face.

The whole situation took a turn you certainly had never expected, but it satisfied you nonetheless. In such a big house, no moment was to be left to boredom, and you had learned to appreciate and love all these grownup babies so it now felt completely natural to spend a night like this. (One of them had captured your whole heart in particular)

...though you figured someone wasn't going to be equally happy with all the cleaning the next day.

#ikevamp scenarios #ikevamp imagines #ikevamp headcanons #ikemen vampire #ikevamp isaac #isaac newton #answered #my writing

[oatmilkovich]

To me, accident or not, Ian's other dates feel disingenuous? caleb, got the feeling that ian saw something he aspired to, (stable, helps people), and thought caleb could get him there, then trevor, job that helps people, some level of chemistry, but nothing much deeper. they felt like friends who had sex, and ian wanted to be friends, but the writers wouldnt let him so we get “pretend you dont want me/i have enough friends”. It feels like Ian's going through a checklist for what a “stable” person should be: job he likes, help people, stable, boring boyfriend.

And s8, Dude, you cheated weeks in, it's done, and I never felt that he was going because he’s interested, awful as it sounds, and once he has a different place for comfort, he moves on to that. Obviously I'm not going into how they were, ones worse, but neither stellar, but Ian wasn't looking to fall in love, more to pass the time. Mickey has a different approach, in Mexico, he probably slept around, had friends with benefits. Sure, had men he liked, but he doesn’t look for that external comfort.

All of this was a very long winded way to say, you’re right! feelings ❌ love. you’d be hard-pressed to find someone arguing that ian came close to live. People need to remember that emotions are complicated, I’ve had relationships where Ik I wasn’t going to fall in love, but its nice to not be alone. didn’t have any real “romantic” feelings but I was in a difficult time and they gave me the distraction I needed. That’s what he’s doing, to me. He’s alone, doesn’t get support, especially 6/7/8 when the siblings drift apart. Saying that these men existed isn't saying they’re equal to mickey. Hell, both were short, since 6/7’s about a year, and 8 a summer. Or that they were good for Ian, just that Ian‘s always done this, searched for external validation, all the way back in s1. The real issue is the writers don’t know what to do with the characters if they’re not in relationships.

Also, wanted to add, you don’t owe anyone answers, if you don’t have time or are doing other things, or even just don’t feel like it, that’s valid. You don’t owe anyone anything. I hope you have an amazing day or night or evening, wherever you are ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

anon!! ❤️

you said it absolutely perfectly — i hope you don’t mind me quoting this: “People need to remember that emotions are complicated, I’ve had relationships where Ik I wasn’t going to fall in love, but its nice to not be alone. didn’t have any real “romantic” feelings but I was in a difficult time and they gave me the distraction I needed.”

ian thrives on structure and routine — a boyfriend gives him the stability he craves. it’s not necessarily about feelings or romance, but a distraction and a this is nice for now. he was in a difficult period of his life and he wanted normal — even though he knows that not truly his calling. and you’re so right! just because they exist and they happened doesn’t mean they hold a single candle against mick? the thought is laughable, so it’s funny that people still feel threatened by them.

thank you for your lovely lovely message. it means a lot. i ended up having a better evening thanks to my friends but i appreciate your love so much. i hope you have a great evening/day — wherever you are in the world. keep wonderful!

❤️

#asks #and with that goodnight! ❤️

[parkerflix]

hi paris! how are you? how was your day today? 😁

i saw your post about onlyoneof and although i dont really know them i know how painful it can be when a member leaves a group you really like :(( i vividly remember being so broken when dongho left u-kiss and when luhan left exo ;-; its weird cause you obviously want the best for them and if that means them leaving then okay yes i 100% respect your decision go for it, but it still sucks to not be able to see them in the way you were before when they were still with their group (if that makes any sense???) sorry im kinda rambling and tbh idek if sharing my story is helping at all but i hope it can at least bring you some form of comfort knowing that someone else can understand how you may feel 🥺💜💜💜

i also wanted to give feedback on the most recent update of about love cause im gonna be honest i read it really late at night then fell asleep right after so i completely forgot but !! im here now 😅🥰 first, yn and jisungs interactions in the morning were soooooo cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and i like how comfortable they were with each other as opposed to the usual “oh my god i forgot you were here and now im extremely awkward and running out of your house” . not that thats bad but it was refreshing to see them joke around with each other and be able to still go about their morning together! although,,,,, when felix came i was so nervous fjcjvkek i thought things were gonna go horribly wrong with misunderstandings but once again !!!! i was wrong !! and instead they all made breakfast together aaaahhhh my heArt 🥺😩😞😞💜💜

i cant wait to see what happens next cause i love your story and its so cute! you literally have my whole hOrt and oop im fr boutta expose myself but i literally go on tumblr and the first thing i do is check your page— 😳😳 however, i hope this doesnt stress you out because i would rather you take your time and write/make the posts when you *genuinely* want to because i believe writing should be a positive outlet and never something you dread to do because you feel pressured! ���� i can wait years trust me lol

okay, i think ill go now and save you from an even longer ask but i just wanted to check in and say hi! i hope this wasnt too much tho (i swear i need to chill with long asks but i feel like at this point its my trademark lol i just have so much to say 😭😭) bye bye!!~~ 💜💜💜💜💜

hello anon! it’s been an okay day i’ve been kinda all over but it’s okay ! how r you?

ah yeah the whole onlyoneof thing made me sad, thank you for sharing it did help <333 it means a lot anon! :)

ah yes yn & jisung r so cute pls i love their dynamic it’s honestly one of my faves to write, and felix! he’s so <3 i’m glad you enjoyed their interactions, i was gonna go with the usual that you see normally in fics but i just kinda started writing it the way it is now and it makes more sense to me with their personalities if that makes sense? but yeah!! they’re besties and they definitely are the type to plan to stay up all night during a sleepover and pass out during the first or second movie!

that’s so sweet! i apologize for not updating constantly, it doesn’t add pressure dw! if anything it’s more motivating because ik what it’s like to wait and hope and then you kinda move on but i wanna always keep you guys engaged as much as i can! <3 i’m hoping i’ll be able to roll out more chapters before this month ends so that way when i go back to work & school i won’t be rushing <333

i hope you have a great day/night anon! also dw about long asks i don’t mind! i literally talk a lot so it’s okay HDGDHSHS

#about love #lovely anon

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

#kasperi kapanen #kasperi kapanen fic #kasperi kapanen/reader #kasperi kapanen imagine #william nylander #hockey imagine #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs #toronto maple leafs imagine #hockey fic #nhl #nhl hockey #nhl hockey fic #nhl hockey imagine #willykappymarnsmatts

[koyurim]

hospital playlist 12 (season 1 finale)

as the 99 crew make their next steps, life chugs along and with that comes the ups and downs that the patients are going through

the season finale provides enough momentum to wrap up some plot lines while still presenting new (or persistent) challenges for season 2 to dive deeper into. for me, all the ups and downs with the patients were the highlight of the episode and had me in an emotional mess. we see how much the patients impact the doctors, but also how much the doctors impacted their patients: 

yun-bok was able to thank song-hwa and cry in her arms when she found out that song-hwa was the doctor who treated her mom. and we got to see song-hwa tell yun-bok that she grew up into a lovely lady. 

right when chi-hong’s dealing with the coma patient who’s not going to make it, the cop patient came back to thank chi-hong for giving him the motivation and understanding that he can return to his job. his life is not over because of what he went through. 

jeong-wan stayed up day and night for the 7-year old girl and all his care was recognized when her family thanked him. also when she came back on christmas eve to thank him personally. jeong-wan always gets a lot of fulfillment from his work and i feel like this is the case that convinced him to remain as a doctor and not a priest. 

seok-hyeong. is just. a Fantastic doctor. he’s so gentle and always provides space for the emotions that come with the medical problems that the patients. when the woman finds out her baby has passed?! and then you see all the moms sitting quietly in the hallway listening to her crying. and the woman who had multiple miscarriages finding out that her baby’s in the clear... the JOY. ugh my emotions are ALL OVER THE PLACE.

jun-wan poured in so much care for the patient with the infected stent and watching him deliver the bad news to the parents was so hard. i was so proud of jae-hak for figuring out a solution! gah! growth.... 

ik-jun learning sign language--IM!!!!!!!! 

now, onto the more personal lives of our doctors. much has been building up all season and our main five must face their problems. sometimes facing your feelings is all it takes to find a fix, but unfortunately more often than not life requires a deeper dive to untangle all the webs and mess (and means we have to WAIT). 

jeong-wan’s plot line feels the most neatly wrapped up in this season finale. he’s made the decision to stay and not becoming a priest. it’s so obvious to those around him that he finds a lot of fulfillment in his work as a doctor helping kids, but it seems like it took him a lot longer to realize that himself. i really appreciated the moments with song-hwa. she can read him so easily, but sometimes you have to wait for your friend to arrive to the conclusion themselves. as for the love line with gyeol-ul, i was really hoping to see WHY he liked her. the show + all of jeong-wan’s friends and family have spent the season saying ‘HE LIKES HER’ but i dont really see why? i wanted some flashbacks about where his love originated from, because the kiss feel too out of the blue. however, i Am glad and proud of jeong-wan for properly facing his feelings and not denying them! you don’t do yourself or anyone around you any good when you don’t face yourself!! anyway, i look forward to rosa doting on gyeol-ul in season 2 even though it makes no sense. 

seok-hyeong’s father may have passed, but his problems are still there. seok-hyeong’s family situation has clearly created many problems in the past. it seems like his divorce with his ex-wife was primarily due to his family and not from a lack of love. as a consequence from his family mess, he’s forced himself to choose a lonely path so as to not hurt anyone else. obviously, that’s no way to live and seok-hyeong has to make peace with the understanding that while his dad is a piece of shit, he himself can still seek out happiness. it’s interesting to me that min-ha is able to approach him in a way that seems to slowly nudge him out of his shell. i hope that she can continue to do so in a respectful way! i feel like in season two we may see a seok-hyeong/min-ha/ex-wife love triangle. overall, im glad that he’s choosing himself in not running his dad’s company. his dad is an asshole, and seok-hyeong doesn’t owe him anything. even tho i think the mistress is shameless, im shocked that he didn’t leave anything to her. anyway, i wanna see a scene where ik-jun’s like hello dad pls redistribute your wealth to me, your son. 

oh, i fear our poor prickly jun-wan has been dumped. i was so pleased with how the finale was developing his and ik-sun’s relationship until he got the returned package! i loved when jae-hak was like ‘dude, just ask her’ because you can’t assume and guess your partner’s intentions. you’ll just be stuck in an endless loop! although i am on pins and needles to find out the reason for the package’s return, i’m not surprised. ik-sun has a lot that she hasn’t unpacked from her previous relationship. she’s worried about being hurt again and keeps anticipating their relationship’s demise. wanting only happy moments in a relationship isn’t realistic and i think she may have gotten cold feet and jumped ship to proactively avoid the ‘bad’ parts to a relationship. im rooting for jun-wan, he’s trying his best to communicate and be a good partner in the relationship; i really hope ik-sun will also do the work and not ghost him. i hope in season 2, the crew finally meets bidulgi!!!! 

even though ik-jun’s basically all but said how he feels towards song-hwa, we finally see him properly face her and be upfront with his feelings. i’d love to have heard him say ‘i like you’ explicitly, but i know that this is a big step for him. despite being the most expressive of the group, ik-jun’s so elusive. he flits around to different departments and loves to give advice, but he struggles much more when it comes to forging a kind of relationship where he needs to be vulnerable. we don’t get song-hwa’s response yet, but the ending with all five of them hanging out before christmas is a reassuring sign to me. regardless of how song-hwa responds, their friendship and the maintenance of the group is something they’ll prioritize and work to maintain. this means regardless, they’ll stay in each other’s life.  

UNFORTUNATELY, we still get very little of song-hwa. im so frustrated! she’s such a great mentor and confidant, but WHO IS SHE! song-hwa! who do you turn to when you want advice? what’s going on in your brain? what are your fears and worries? from the little clues that we’ve gotten, i think song-hwa’s drawn a firm line with chi-hong. she’s no longer wearing the shoes he got her, and she was firm about him not following her/congratulated him for moving up to chief resident in a kind yet professional manner. i really hope season 2 stops making us guess about her inner thoughts and just GIVES it to us. i need All of song-hwa’s thoughts! as an aside it was cute how song-hwa made space for seokmin to confess to sunbin! 

in the end, i rest easy knowing that our OT5 persists. they’ll always have each other to go back to and have a meal with. i love them, but not as much as they love each other. they argue and fight but the way they make space and accommodate each other speaks volumes to how much they mean to one another. the show’s so beautiful in capturing life’s little moments. while there is a (very slow burning) plot, that’s not what captures me about the show. the beautiful moments are small and mundane. the five bickering about song-hwa and jun-wan eating all the food is such a human touch that doesn’t necessarily add to the plot. u-ju eating egg sandwiches and winking isn’t necessarily ~ReLeVaNt~ but it’s so important and damned if i won’t watch u-ju and his dad have fun! 

season 2 will air in 2021 (GAH) and i wonder if we’ll come back to song-hwa returning after 1 year. things will have changed: our interns will be residents, ik-sun will have been abroad for a while. either way, im looking forward to it!!!!!!!!!!! 

#hospital playlist #kdrama #how does this show pack in SO Much to pick apart and analyze?! #with just one or two lines #i can spend hours picking apart the meanings #2021.... im already looking forward to u