#if you've read it all holy shit! you're just as insane as i am for writing it! haha!

[kamiversee]

The F*ck List (semi-official) Breakdown.

The following was submitted by my lovely ☃️anon, & I needed to make this it’s own post given how long it is, my replies & clarifications are written in between this breakdown & theory (Ex: A/N > Etc.). 

Here, you’ll find majority of details you may have missed & maybe even more to think about. Enjoy :)

(wc; 5.7k) (content; spoilers ofc)

holy shit Kami. i literally had to take the entire day to process everything. before anything else, i need you to know that you've created an absolute masterpiece. TFL was the first fic i ever cared to keep up with and it has set the bar impossibly high for any other writer out there. please take your time with TFL 2, i'm so excited to read your other work!! also a break sounds like it would be so good for your mind considering how long you've dedicated yourself to this story 😭😭😭 you're seriously impressive. heads up, i didn't proofread this at all bc i finished typing this at 4 am LMFAO so forgive me if it's all scrambled and makes no sense.

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A/N > Thank you for taking the time to write this breakdown, I seriously appreciate it so I wanted to take my time in responding to it & engaging with you :)

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now, on to the yap. i deadass cracked my knuckles before typing all this out.

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A/N > You’re so real for tht ngl

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i reread the entirety of TFL from chapter 1 and my brain is so melted from analyzing that i'll prob find more details tomorrow after i sleep on some theories 😭 BUT HOLY FUCK YOU REALLY WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE HINTING AT GOJO'S OBSESSION SINCE LITERALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER??? the fucking hint being that "Gojo's desire for you is so strong it's almost frightening." GIRLLLLLL 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

your foreshadowing and referencing is insane. idk if you intended a lot of it, but a lot of it caught my eye.

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A/N> I TOLD YOU GUYS IVE BEEN DOIN IT SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER !! Okay not exactly but like there was a vibe I had from the first chapter & when I later came up with the twist & went back and saw that everything would connect perfectly ^.^

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chapter 7; the reader and Gojo have lighthearted banter about how the reader "started this" situation.

"I made a mistake." [reader] 

"A good one." 

"Bad one." You correct.

this was regarding a completely different situation but it baffled me how much it connects to the plot itself; the reader making the "mistake" of leaving her door open, and how it lead to months full of trauma and love. probably completely unintentional, but such a good detail.

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A/N > Very intentional btw, it’s supposed to be known that, in a sense, Gojo x reader is forbidden :)

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Choso's still staring at you intently, "What version of you would someone not like?" 

The way he words his question only furthers that little feeling in your chest. It's almost as though he were implying that any and all versions of you would be acceptable in his eyes. - Chapter 16

THE WAY WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT CHOSO WOULD STICK BY US REGARDLESSSSSSSS AAAAAA WE'RE SO BLIND!!! i just hope this stays true to the sequel :')

"No, I wish you didn't have to hate me." He says, shutting his eyes again and sucking in a deep breath, "B-But... it's uh, It's okay. I can live with you hating me." - Chapter 21

AAAA WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! WE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS WAS FORESHADOWING OUR FUTURE WITHOUT GOJO 😭😭😭 how he can live with the idea of the reader hating him so long as she's happy with Choso, especially considering his later revelations of how twisted his actions were and how if you stuck with him, he'd view you differently. fuck.

You despise the fact that he loves you. To you, it's almost entitled for him to feel like he has that right. How dare he hold such a strong emotion for you? If he felt this way, why is he forcing you to sleep with people for him? It makes no sense. 

Why would someone claim to love you and put you through so much? 

If he's been in love with you all this time, why start the list in the first place? Why couldn't he have just tried to win your heart from the beginning? Why the list? Why the blackmail? You don't understand him. - Chapter 23

i'm crushed. we didn't understand because we didn't know that Sukuna was involved. that could mean a million other things. i have some far-fetched theories about this but hear me out later!!!

the entirety of chapter 23 had me fucking floored while i was rereading. THE FORESHADOWING WAS EVERYWHERE!!! EVERY FUCKING WHERE

"No sweetheart, Sukuna's an asshole but..." His expression flickers and his smile fades away. He swallows and then clears his throat, "I'm pretty sure he'll satisfy you just fine." 

...

You narrow your eyes at him, "Are you sure?" 

...

 "Fuckin' positive," Gojo suddenly sounds pissed and you grow concerned. The arm around you gets a little tighter while he walks you through some crowds and you keep looking at the man confused. 

There's a vein popping out along his jawline because of how hard he's gritting his teeth.

of course he's aggravated because he knows that Sukuna is the one behind the list in the first place 😭😭😭 I'M SORRY WE DOUBTED YOU SATORU, FUCKKKK

——FIFTEEN MINUTES. That was the exact amount of time it took you to seduce Sukuna. The act was way too easy. Actually, it was suspiciously easy.

BECAUSE HE FUCKING KNEW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"What all did you plan on doing tonight aside from getting harassed by strangers?" Sukuna suddenly questions against your skin. 

You ignore how close he is and the way his lips make you tense, turning your head to face forward. Chuckling at his last comment, "Same thing as everyone else here." You reply, slightly confused by his question. 

"Bullshit," He utters, "Nobody dresses like this without the intent of gaining my attention," Sukuna claims while his hands slide back down along your body.

this 100% could be just him being cocky and Sukuna, but the recent reveal just makes this feel like an extra demeaning interaction. but of course, it's Sukuna.

chapter 24 is so fucking shady too with everything we know. i know you addressed some of these points already bc i brought them up in previous anon messages, but these things still had me paranoid;

the way Sukuna leaves us and tells the reader to go to his room after a certain amount of time (i know he could have just been tidying up real quick but everything about this man has me on edge)

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A/N> A lot of people are on edge about this but I’ll be honest, there’s nothing crazy that happens in between this time period. Not saying nothing happens but nothing crazy— it’ll be addressed later (in the next fic most likely)

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the way he's been consistently on the phone since the reader entered the room, which is shortly after she messaged Gojo saying that she'll be able to cross Sukuna off of this list by tonight which he wasn't happy with at all.

no seriously, he kept diverting his attention to something in the bathroom and then came out, still on his phone. maybe he's talking to literally anyone else but STILL I'M PARANOID

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A/N> This is to show the fact that Sukuna is a very socially active individual, & hints to the theory (I think you later state) that he has connections.

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this happens in chapter 25 but the way he keeps smiling while the reader kisses him is just so smug of him especially considering the original reason as to why the reader's even interacting with him

then the spicy chapters with Sukuna…

the foreshadowing that the lack of knowledge of Sukuna's reputation will come back to bite her in the ass; first with the knowledge that he is abusive, and then her finding out that he is the curator of the list, knowing the full details of her blackmail and even threatening her again.

WHO DID HE FUCKING FIGHT HELPPPPP MY MIND IS BOGGLING there's no way it's Gojo, right? they're both too unscathed in these next few chapters for there to have been a fight between the two of them.

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A/N > It’s not Gojo. 🙏

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THE FUCKING MOMENT WHERE HE CONTEMPLATED SOMETHING WITH THE PHONE IN HIS HAND??? I FUCKING KNEW IT. I FUCKING CALLED IT WAS SOMETHING SHADY AS HELL.

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A/N> The other Sukuna hint I was talking about is right before this moment btw, you’re welcome ;)

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then he has the audacity to hold his tongue right afterwards?? it's such a big hint towards the fact that he knew about the list from the beginning UGHHHHHHHH.

the way he tried to humor the reader about her "job" even though he was in on the whole thing. UGH. SUKUNA WHEN I GET YOU SUKUNA?? 👊👊👊👊 especially with that "whore" joke right afterwards. i can't stand him. i know that it's implied that he has a twisted view on women from having abusive women in his life (his mom and his ex who he punched) BUT STILL. he's so lucky he's fictional and hot.

the fact that we're able to pick up on the fact that it's a "crazy coincidence" that he continues the whore jokes UGHHHHH HE HAS BEEN PLAYING US FROM THE STAAAAAARTT

Gojo got upset at something from Sukuna's party, he didn't want you to call yourself a whore all of a sudden, Sukuna seems to have believed that was your actual job, and you remember how pissed Gojo seemed as he thought about you sleeping with Sukuna- 

Holy fuck. Are the two connected somehow? Is something going on? What does Gojo owe Sukuna? Does Sukuna know you only slept with him as payment to clear Gojo's debt? Is-

GIRL YOU WERE ALMOST THERE!!!! YOU ALMOST HAD IT!!!

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A/N > I love teasing in my narration by nearly spoiling things 😹

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seriously though, these chapters killed me. the official end obliterated my heart. it's so fucking bittersweet i want to scream at the top of a high building. the reader ends up happy and with someone she loves, which is fantastic for her. she deserves that after everything she went through. Choso treats her so, so well.

but Gojo. with the theories i have, i feel horrible. i was so harsh towards him as a die hard Choso girly but these endings changed me. i just hope i'm right.

the fact that his healing journey is harsher than ours makes this ending sting so much. he's healed, and you can see it with his demeanor from the call and the way he interacted with the reader.

we were always made aware of the way he looked at us such deep attachment. the initial gleam shows that he's happy to see us, but that he's not reliant on us for his happiness anymore. he's finding that on his own, and it's a grueling process for him. i wished the reader gave him a hug, but that would probably make me feel even worse.

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A/N> He gave her a lil side hug (with his arm over her shoulder) & was resting his head on hers at the end if that makes you feel any better 😅

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"Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start." i'm gonna throw up bro i'm so sad. i'm proud of his growth. his obsession was so, so strong but he always prioritized the reader's happiness over himself. i know that being self-sacrificial is so core to his personality but it doesn't make it suck any less. i'm devastated. i started blasting mitski in the car on my way to work after reading this.

i thought i was ready for the journal burning. i was so ready for this tie to be severed, for them to finally move on. but i failed to realize that it could ultimately mean a life without each other. it makes sense as to why, but it still sucks.

kami i need that poly ending before i cry my eyes out at 4 am rn. you know i can't handle angst, but bittersweet endings lowkey hurt me even more. i need all my babies to be happy. i desperately need it.

but that alt ending... fuck. in a horrible, sick, and twisted way, i'm relieved. i'm a Choso girly from the bottom of my heart but i can't let this Gojo go omfg. even if he shows up for one more chapter, i think i'll be alright. BUT IT BETTER NOT BE FOR DEATH KAMI!!!! I HAVE A FEW EXCERPTS THAT SUGGEST DEATH FLAGS BUT I AM SIMPLY NOT LOOKING AT THEM. DON'T DO THIS TO ME KAMIIIIIII. i need this boy to be frolicking in a field of flowers or something. my heart can't take this.

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A/N> I know I reference death a lot but that’s just to add a sense of how dramatic the characters are 🫶

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okay, time for my mind-fucky theory. pls bare with me. if it wasn't obvious by my last post, i'm 100% on board with the theory that Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo, which started this whole thing. but the thing that is getting me is how this all connects. i have some assumptions that could make sense, but there are a handful of gaps. here's my thought process;

Sukuna's blackmailing Gojo by using his obsession/love against him.

we are already familiar with the fact that Gojo has liked the reader for years. there was a chapter where Gojo mentioned that it started off as a "crush" but he was so oblivious to his own obsession up until the reader mentioned it to him. it's to the point that he didn't understand what was wrong with the idea of hurting people for the reader. who's to say that Sukuna didn't catch him in some sort of heinous act regarding the reader like stalking?

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A/N > You’re cooking with this one and I almost, almost had to go get the fire extinguisher :D

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Gojo didn't understand the difference between love and obsession until later on in the story. this would be consistent with the implication that Gojo just loved her so deeply that his morals were askew as we have yet to find out how far his love goes.

what if Sukuna caught him in the act of doing god knows what, and brought up the fact that if the reader found out about this, that she'd get super freaked out and would do everything she can to get away from him (considering probably barely knew each other, if at all, at this point). but why would Sukuna devise such a plan over a money bribe? well, Sukuna's already revealed to be wealthy, and maybe he was bored. the same line that Gojo kept repeating to the reader whenever she questioned him as to why he did it. what if Gojo asked Sukuna why he's blackmailing him, and he said the exact same thing; "I was bored." we see how much Sukuna mirrors Gojo's speech by calling the reader "sweetheart" often, what if Gojo did the same thing? 

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A/N > Gojo & Sukuna do have a few parallels in this story & they will be addressed more in the sequel.

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we wondered in chapter 23 how Gojo reaches out to these men to ensure their debt is "paid," but considering how oblivious everyone else on the list is to Gojo owing them anything, it would make sense that he only reports to Sukuna as he is ordered to do so. but two things stumped me on this theory overall.

the reader said that she used to party a lot and get involved with boys before Gojo. if he was stalking her for so long, why did he wait so long to approach her?

what specifically would be the blackmail that Sukuna has on Gojo?

regarding the first point, it's been mentioned that Gojo has been "scared of women" and was shy when it came to approaching the reader. he knew of her for so long, but was able to constantly slip under her radar. considering how much of a pervert he is, it wouldn't have been surprising for him to sneak around and watch in on the reader hooking up with other guys. after all, these guys were probably complete strangers to him and all he cared about was you. remember how Gojo was basically able to tune out his own best friend, Suguru, when the reader was hooking up with him in their living room? it wouldn't be wild to assume that he was able to do the same for your other hookups as he spied on you.

to connect this with second point, what if Sukuna caught Gojo being a peeping tom on the reader during a party hook-up? while being so distracted in the act of spying, Sukuna spots him. the reader wouldn't be alright with the fact that someone who's barely an acquaintance (if that, depending on the time this occurred) to her has been perving around and watching her have sex without her consent. she would do anything to get away from Gojo, and of course that would crush him. Gojo tried to buy Sukuna's silence by any means necessary. so, Sukuna generated a list of people that he and Gojo mutually knew for the reader to fuck. the reasoning for it would be the fact that Gojo has to sit through the process of having the girl he likes fuck a bunch of guys besides him, and the fact that Gojo knew all these men would make it sting more. plus, he has a reputation for hookups. (chapter 8)

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A/N > You’re like RIGHT there with it and yet not there at the same time omg 😟

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but why would Gojo agree to this deal with Sukuna, and why would he also go with the method of blackmailing the reader? it's basically a guarantee that the reader would be scared away regardless. but again, we could recall that Shoko mentioned that he was too "scared of women" to approach the reader at first. this was his chance to finally approach her. plus, "once that video is gone, there is no excuse he'll have to be around you." (chapter 8)

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but the more i thought of this reasoning for the two points, the more bizarre it felt. so what if instead of Gojo being a peeping tom, it was Sukuna. we get so many hints that Sukuna has eyes and intel everywhere. we get an indirect implication of this when he called us out for rolling our eyes during our phone call with him. yes, it could be completely by chance, but it's still a great hint that he "sees everything" and "knows everything." we get an even bigger hint towards this in the alt ending when he directly references The F*ck List.

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A/N > Others have taken note of how Sukuna knew she rolled her eyes but trust me, that’s just to show that Sukuna knows the reader’s body language more than he’s let on & paid attention to her a lot during the time they were together. 

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it wouldn't be too far fetched to assume that he has some shady videos taken of people without his consent, some possibly acquired through other people (like how Gojo was revealed to have sent Sukuna the video of the reader from the first chapter). what if Gojo caught Sukuna with the video, threatened him to delete it, and Sukuna counterthreatened to have it be sent and posted everywhere. it would be highly ironic, but consistent with the way that Gojo and Sukuna practically mirror each other at times. the reasoning for the list choices would still be the same for this theory, too.

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my citations for these theories ☝️🤓

“You once asked me if I love you because I blackmailed you or if I blackmailed you because I love you and my answer is both,” Gojo confesses as he turns to meet your gaze, “Through my blackmailing, I fell for you but I also did it because I loved you from the start.” - Chapter 56

loved you from the start; his obsession has been consistent from the start (supports Gojo being a peeping tom theory) or he has always had a deep concern for you (supports him wanting to stop Sukuna from spreading blackmail of you instead).

“I’ve sacrificed everything for you, y’know.” 

“How? What’s everything that you’ve sacrificed, hm?” 

“You. I sacrificed the woman I love to make her happy.” Gojo admits, and of all he’s said thus far, that feels like the truest statement. 

“I could’ve been happy with you.” You remind him. 

He laughs, “Yeah well, I’m an idiot.” 

You scoff, “That’s all you have to say?” 

“Yup.” - Chapter 56

is he an idiot for being a peeping pervert instead of just approaching you normally? maybe. how does this make her happy? she ends up finding love through Choso, through the list, through the blackmail.

But deleting the video means ... he has no more leverage over you and can't force you to help him with the hole he's dug for himself. -  Chapter 8

the hole being the blackmail set against him by Sukuna.

Gojo's behind you cursing at himself for being unable to tell you the truth. 

He's so scared that you'll never help him without the blackmail and, well, he has every right to be because you're pretty sure that if it weren't for those videos he has over your head, you wouldn't be doing any of this. - Chapter 9

the videos he's referencing is the original video from chapter 1 and the fake video he lied about with Suguru, but he can't tell the reader the truth because it's too twisted and risky (supports Gojo peeping tom theory).

He silences himself in thought. There are so many ways he could go about answering such a question but the possibilities of how you may react are endless. Plus, you're drunk and if he's going to admit or explain anything to you, it'll be while you're sober. 

"Because..." Gojo's voice gets so quiet that you almost don't catch what he says, "...I don't have any other choice." - Chapter 21

if he didn't go through with his list, Sukuna would have went through with Gojo's blackmail, thus resulting in either you getting as far away from Gojo as soon as possible or Sukuna's video being sent around.

He let something slip abruptly, "W-Wish I c-could tell you everything, sweets..." 

Your brows furrow at that. 

Are you missing something here? - Chapter 22

YES GIRL!!!! SUKUNA'S BEHIND THE WHOLE LIST, HE'S BEHIND THE BLACKMAIL GIRLYPOP

"Anything," Gojo says, meeting your gaze. He's so serious that it's almost dark the way he looks at you, "I'd do anything for you." - Chapter 29

"I meant it when I said I'd do anything for you." 

You follow his motions and then end up right back in his arms, "Right..." 

"I'd sacrifice the very thing I love just to see you happy." Gojo claims proudly. 

You scoff, "Thought' I was the thing you loved?" 

"You are." 

His words bewilder you, "Then that makes no sense." 

"It won't." Gojo shrugs. - Chapter 29

🧍‍♀️

anything. even if it means putting your body, heart, mind, and career on the line. directly supports the theory that Sukuna initially had blackmail on the reader.

"We're the same, y'know..." He suddenly says, his voice breaking again, "We both want someone so terribly bad but our situations prohibit us from getting that person." 

"You could've prevented all this though..." 

Gojo sniffles and you feel a drop of wetness slide down his cheek and slip against your palm. The man was crying? Why? - Chapter 30

this whole time we've been told that Gojo and the reader share more similarities than the reader realizes. what Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso. while Choso now knows of the men that the reader slept with, he doesn't know why. he doesn't know about you being blackmailed. you know that you had to sleep with these men. you don't know why. you didn't know it was because of Gojo being blackmailed.

"For loving me, Satoru. It's not a crime," You say, mocking a comment he made to you earlier, "You're allowed to love me. So, for that, and that only, I forgive you." 

Those words healed so many more wounds in his heart than you realized. It was like that was all he ever needed to hear. If Gojo's mistake was loving you and that's what caused this, then you forgive him. 

If in some twisted way, his feelings started the list, you forgive him.

COME ON NOW.

There’s so much going unspoken but the two of you knew what either was saying, you understood each other more than either of you realized. - Chapter 35

“Well,” Gojo sighs heavily and then draws your hands off his face, leaning down to you a bit, “Sometimes, sacrifices need to be made in exchange for one’s happiness.” 

“Are you telling me that all this was for the greater good?” You quiz as you raise a curious brow. 

“Something like that, yeah,” He shrugs. - Chapter 45

You tell him, “If I had one wish, it’d be that you did that from the beginning.” 

Gojo opens his mouth to say something but then he swallows his words down. He nearly fucked up. 

“All you had to do was talk to me,” Your shoulders raise into a shrug as you move a hand to the doorknob, “Things could’ve been different if you did.” 

“Even if I’ve been obsessed with you since the beginning?” He questions and he’s stepping closer to you again. He can’t possibly wrap his head around that possibility- 

You laugh a bit, “Especially if you were obsessed from the beginning,” You didn’t know it but that statement right there made the man feel as though his world was falling apart, loads of regret tumbling over him as he stares at you with wide eyes, “Satoru I think you forgot but, before all this started, aside from Shoko… I was lonely.” 

Gojo’s throat goes dry and he fails to form a response to that, “I…” 

“If you had just talked to me one time, and more than a hey or how are you,” The way your eyes soften, a slim sheer gloss of tears coating your gaze as you speak to him, “I would’ve fallen for you.” 

He grits his teeth, “Don’t tell me that.” 

“But it’s true.” You say. 

And just like that, Gojo was crumbling all over again. If only you knew how much he regretted everything after hearing you say that. - Chapter 46

if he had just spoke to the reader before all of this, maybe she wouldn't have gone to those parties, hooked up with those people, and caused whatever kind of blackmail Sukuna had on Gojo (or on her).

He wishes he could take it all back, his feelings for you included. If only he could go back and stop himself from ever being curious about you. That’s what started it after all. Because, at the end of the day, Gojo knew who you were before you knew who he was— hell, even before Shoko knew who you were. - Chapter 53

then what is the timeline of his obsession starting? has it been before Gojo? could his blackmail have taken place even before Shoko introduced you two, adding to the weight of the threat that Sukuna held over Gojo's head (regarding the peeping tom theory).

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A/N > The timeline on Gojo’s interest, not obsession just yet, on the reader will be addressed in the sequel so this’ll be answered there <3

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but there were certain parts that stumped me and my theories so i have some weird reasonings around them;

It's selfish of him and seriously fucked up but, he's said it before and he'll say it over and over again-- you're all he has. He made promises to everyone on that list, promises of delivering a woman to them at some point, and of course, he couldn't convince anyone he knew to do such a thing. 

So again, the situation with you just happened to be a coincidence. 

The problem is that Gojo hates that it's you. He hates that you're the one he ended up doing this to. - Chapter 8

Gojo's known to be a silly guy so it could make sense that he actually did promise these guys hookups for reasons unrelated to his blackmail. after all, he does have a reputation for getting people hookups. the coincidence is that Sukuna now has dirt on Gojo and wants to toy with him. by making the reader sleep with them the guys he coincidentally owes hookups to, he fulfills his role/reputation and relieves his debt at the same time. two birds, one stone.

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A/N > As we later learn that some of the “debt” Satoru claimed to have isn’t real, we can also infer that his reputation & the promises he’s made to these men were done out of coincidence. Take Toji for example; tell me you can’t see an interaction between him & Gojo where Gojo gets a bad grade and wants to get it up so he taunts his professor with the idea of getting him a hookup & Toji would laugh it off considering Gojo’s reputation ;)

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another thing that stumped me is why Gojo got so worked up with the reader referring herself as a whore, and the connection to Sukuna. my delulu reasoning is that once Sukuna threatened Gojo with blackmail by either of the two theories/methods i mentioned, Sukuna casually referred to the reader as a whore. that caused a major fight between the two, possibly even getting physical (which can refer back to the implication that Gojo has hurt people for the reader).

the fight could have increased the tension and severity of the situation, so Sukuna decides to add Choso to the list knowing how easily attached Choso gets. in chapter 5, the reader and Gojo were discussing the list and Choso specifically. Gojo was even noted to be relieved when the reader had mentioned that they'll just have to hope that Choso doesn't get attached, as he obviously holds deep feelings for the reader. Sukuna knows that by going through with the blackmail with Choso involved, Gojo most likely will not end up with the reader if Choso get attached and the reader reciprocates those feelings.

also, the counterargument that Sukuna and Gojo are actually friends/allies in this situation just doesn't sit well with me. it would make for a crazy twist but it just feels too out of character for Gojo. but then again, how would Sukuna specifically know about The F*ck List? but idk, it just feels so wrong to me. maybe i have too much faith in Gojo lmfao. after all, he has consistently shown a great dislike towards the guy since chapter 23. but maybe it's my denial speaking. i really don't want to think of Satoru going through this whole arc only for it to reveal that he truly is a piece of shit. pls don't do this to my pookie my heart cannot handle it </3

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A/N > Remember, Gojo is a good actor & you go a long period of time in the book not realizing he’s not as much of a villain as he pretends to be 😉 

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there's that moment after the reader fucked Sukuna that still messes with my brain. with my theories, my brain's thinking that he contemplated on collecting even more blackmail on the reader. for what reason? idk, to be an ass? to torment Gojo further and add more to his blackmail? but maybe he decided not to because he already has plenty of blackmail on the reader (if the theory of Sukuna having a video of her from way back then is true) and fucking her knowingly made Gojo pissed considering all the dirt Sukuna has.

so why can't Gojo tell her the truth now? why does he want to wait years in advance? maybe he's hoping that by that time, not only will you forget and not care about the situation overall, but maybe Sukuna will forget all about it as well. the chances of Sukuna holding on to the reader's blackmail for that long is slim and the reader would most likely be in a situation where she is completely separated from Sukuna depending on her job and living situation with Choso. the stakes are lower than if he were to reveal everything to you now, at a moment where your life is still so uncertain. it would go against his wish for you to end up happy.

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A/N > Maybe Gojo doesn’t tell her the truth because he can’t, just as he said 🌚 Perhaps he’s not allowed to yet. After all, why would Sukuna even tell the reader he made the list in the end? ^.^ Just some food for thought!

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---

regarding the future of TFL... fuck, bro. i have no fucking idea. i'm too caught up in the (presumed) past. i'm mourning fr. i love this fic sooooo fucking much. whenever you decide to pick up on the sequel, i will be there. if you choose to publish anything else in the meantime, i will be there. thanks for such a fun and memorable read, Kami. i'm excited to bookbind this soon 🤍🤍🤍 now, i need to watch blue lock to shove these feelings down.

yap fin (for now)

-☃️

A/N > I love you sosoosooooo much for this. These theories are like reading an entirely new fanfic sometimes except, I know all the answers & what’s going to happen next, which only makes me more excited ^.^ Thank you for taking the time to make this, thank you for reading, thank you for supporting, just, THANK YOU.

This right here is exactly what I write for; people like you :)

To the others reading this breakdown & theory, thank ☃️anon because she’s a damn godsend & ilhsm ^.^ (definitely showing favoritism rn, sorry not sorry, ily all I swear)

Edit; Since you’re watching Blue Lock, I can’t wait to bring my Shidou fanfic here because a lot of the drama in TFL has inspo from that fic, which I wrote first ^.^ & I could totally see you enjoying it because not only is it a childhood friends to lovers than enemies & back to lovers troupe BUT it also includes Itoshi Sae x reader which ofc, adds hella drama :))

P.S. It’s two am as I finally post this and omg sorry it took me a while, I wanted to answer other anons first before unpacking this badboy, again, tysm!!

#kamiversee!answers #kamiversee #the f*ck list #tfl!theories #tfl spoiler #tfl #k!ans: ☃️

[luveline]

I really hope you're still taking request because I was wondering if you'll do a Eddie Munson x plus size reader... Just to something sweet, it's okay if ya don't wanna do that though.

Btw I really love your writing, it brightens my day with each read <3

thank u! i hope this is alright! I did like an insecure moment wearing a dress around Eddie for the first time ♡ plus size!fem!reader

merged with this request :3

"Holy shit," Eddie says. Begs, more like. There's this desperate quality to his voice that makes you want to cover your face with your hands.

"Don't, Teddy," you plead.

"Holy fucking shit."

He rolls the window all the way down and beams at you. "Fuck, I feel like I'm leering, right now. Am I leering?"

"Yes!" you say.

Eddie gets out of the car and promptly throws himself against the door. "Holy shit."

You turn away and start walking.

"Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait, baby. Where are you going?" he asks, catching hold of your wrist.

You let him turn you around. Despite feeling more embarrassed than you've ever felt, you let Eddie look you up and down. His eyes catch on your legs, your tummy, your chest. All the things you hadn't wanted him to really spend too much time looking at.

"Fuck, you're beautiful."

He's staring you straight in your face when he says it.

"You're sure?" you ask, pulling the fabric of your new dress away from your tummy where it clings.

"Am I sure? Will you torture me all day? You look insane. Is that new?"

You shrug and wrap your fingers around his wrist tentatively, always afraid to be affectionate. Eddie shows no such restraint. He tightens his hold on you and comes so close you can see the individual lashes edging his eyes. He grins, smirks, lopsided and nearing smarmy.

"It's a nice dress," he says earnestly. "It's really fucking nice. Where'd you get it?"

"Why?"

"So we can go back. Get another one."

You look down at his chest. "You don't have to... say all that."

"No, I do," he says warmly, drawing in until your as close as you can be. "My pretty girlfriend's wearing the cutest dress I've ever seen." He chucks you under the chin. "And it's different. But still you, sweetheart."

You drop your head into his shoulder unceremoniously.

"You don't like it?" he asks, stroking the side of your face.

His touching is slow and careful. It's starkly different to his brash drama, his overzealous compliments and his bordering amorous gaze, but Eddie's never worked in expectancies.

"I like it."

Eddie makes leaving your comfort zone a risk worth taking. You tell him as much. He kisses over the top of your head like the sentimental idiot he is and then murmurs a promise about rewarding you for your bravery.

#eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader fluff #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson drabble #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #fem!reader #plus size reader #stranger things x reader #stranger things fic #stranger things

[bxngthedoldrums]

a petekey reading of so much (for) stardust

aka you knew i'd do this aka i didnt take four literature classes in college for nothing aka make sure your tinfoil hat is SECURED to your noggin aka dear lord forgive me for committing sins of petekey in the year of 2023

look. i have to do this or i don't deserve this blog. amen

~ love from the other side

okay. yea, immediately the "you were the sunshine of my lifetime" thing is sort of sus, because we all know pete wentz and anytime sun or summer is involved it's Something. this is solidified in "summer falling through our fingers again" in verse 2, but it's interesting that he uses "ours" in this lyric bc i feel like recently most of pete's summer lyrics have been pretty self-inflicted. it's impossible to not note the whole "inscribed like stone and faded by the rain" in the bridge v. "the tombstones were waiting" line in bang the doldrums. i shant even elaborate u can pick up what i'm laying down!

~ heartbreak feels so good

i think this song is pretty light on petekey imagery but "light from a screen of messages unsent" kinda reminds me of "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" in ginasfs but i could be reaching for Sure. let's be real that's all i do

~ hold me like a grudge

honestly i think this is one of the worst petekey offenders on the album. this one had me gawking at my screen as i read the lyrics. "thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" ??? be SERIOUS pete... "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" yeah I GET IT I GET IT !!! the whole thing reeks of 2005 summertime fling

~ fake out

"do you laugh about me whenever i leave?" bonkers ass line,,this reminds me of pete's lj writing in those years after 2005,,,"my mood board is just pictures of you, but i'm not sad anymore" YEAH. this is SO pete holy fuck. that classic wentz obsession,,"we did for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change" this line's got me on the fuckin FLOOR. also classic pete!!! his perchance for nostalgia is just insane and he really feels it huh

~ heaven, iowa

i dont even know how to get into this one. "kiss my cheek, baby, please/would you read my eulogy?" SICK and TWISTED evil!!! evil!!! "i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" jesus h christ the melancholy is off the charts but holy fuck this song is so,,,tender? i dont know wht to say but i know this was written w summer of love intention. i know this in my heart. "scar-crossed lovers, forever" OKAY I KNOW !!! this song is DEVASTATING verse 2 is fucked UP and the bridge is too!!! "closed my eyes inside your darkness and found your glow"???? i cantr og on

~ so good right now

i can't really discern any particularly petekey lyrics in this one right away but the whole "i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be" is pretty fucking wild

~ i am my own muse

there's some really sad lyrics in this one ab the whole future-not-going-as-planned thing that comes up so frequently in pete's writing but honestly the whole "let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer" thing made my head explode. every lover's got a lil dagger in their hands!!!

~ flu game

im not gonna sit here and type out ths whole fucking song but oh my GOD bro. this song to me is a really nice callback to pete's older style of lyricism but that comes with the self-deprecation and all the other really sad shit. it's beautiful! it's horrible! i love it!!! its about mikey i cant even pul out a few lyrics just LISTEN

~ baby annihilation

another fucked up one that literally anyone else in fob should have vetoed but OKAY?? "time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer" MAN SHUT UP. "self sabotage at best, under your spell/but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself" ..........dude. if you're like me and you've poured over pete's oooold lj posts from the mid 2000s you already get it, but if you havent,,,go do it and get back to me bc this is TOO MUHC im unwell. "what is there between us if not a little annihilation?" i think i hauve covid

~ the kintsugi kid (ten years)

this song is really fucking sad actually. there's so much fear of being forgotten on this album and it's showcased really beautifully in this song,,,mayhaps not the most obviously petekey song but god damn

~ what a time to be alive

this song's about covid and quarantine n it's pretty easy on the whole suffering from a fling in 2005 thing! good job pete and fob

~ so much (for) stardust

this song is kinda suspicious but there's very few lines that really solidify it as a petekey song,,, altho "i think i've been going through it, and ive been putting your name through it" is a really interesting lyric. and OF COURSE, "in another life, you were my babe/in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime" happy xmas war is over

#petekey #had to do it to em #man what the FUCK goes on

[carlosoliveiras-wife]

hi so the the year is coming to a close soon so i thought i'd do a diff take on promoting. i'm gonna give my friends shoutouts because they all deserve it ok !!

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@lunaravem — i've known you for years atp and you have nonstop been my biggest supporter like holy shit raven. you're so nice and so sweet and you give nothing but buckets of positivity and kindness to me but you're also sosososo funny like wtf was last night. everyone should follow raven because hes such a joy to befriend even if hes shy or hes a little closed off— hes got a head full of thoughts and he's filled with insane amounts of creativity that i admire him for. hes also one of the people heavily helped me come out of my shell and embrace my selfshipping when it was happening. thank you raven i owe you all of my organs

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@cosmoboba — MY STARSHINE!!!! MY LITTLE SHITHEAD!!! WHATS UP DUDE!!! shoutout to you because i've known you for the longest and i am clexis' biggest fan forever. YOU'RE SO FUNNY BUT SO SO SO SO SO SO CREATIVE AND I BLOW UP AT HOW MUCH YOU CREATE AND THINK AND MAKE AND AAAHDJENDHSBEB YOUR SHIPS ARE ALSO SO GOOD AND SO AMAZING. LITERALLY EVERYONE SHOULD BEFRIEND COSMO OK!!!!

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@gregtastic92 — greg is a massive sweetheart as well, and i've also known him for literal years. recently things happened with him, and he went through something harsh, and it was not something he deserved. greg is nothing but a sweet man and a fucking joy to be around, who happens to make me smile a lot when we interact. if he joins yumeblr im gonna promo the fuck out of him ok!!!

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@hiskee — HEI MY BELOVED HEI while i know you dont use tumbles often i'm giving you the shoutout here anyways ok. you're such an amazing person and you are so funny and soso nice too. your designs always go insanely hard and your art is immaculate!!! not to mention that every ounce of creativity you put into your ocs and your ships and every little detail you do is amazing and i admire you so much for that holy shit!!!

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@rainbowsignal — SWANSWAN MY FRIEND SWAN. you are soooo so so nice and i have known you for a long while as well. you're so so supportive and so funny. kanaswan forever is such a ship thats been so beautiful to watch grow. you've opened up so much and i think thats so beautiful and i am so proud of who you've become :] I THINK I OWE YOU MY LIFE FOR YOU HAVING TO DEAL WITH ME. LIKE MY GOD. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME GO NUTS ABOUT KANASWAN SOMETIMES OK. THANK YOU FOR THE SWEET WORDS YOU GIVE TO MY STUFF WHEN YOU DO. AAAHH

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@cupiidzbow — FREDDIE!!!!! OAIRHRKDJESHSJS I RECENTLY BEFRIENDED YOU AND OSUDHRJE TO HAVE SOMEONE I LOOKED UP TO FOLLOW ME BACK...I THINK I EXPLODED. you're so fucking nice. hello. like literally you are sosososo silly and so sweet and ?? like what the fuck. i love getting to commission you because youre so phenomenal to work with and so nice and. heoehthdhehjehdhshsHEEHEE yknow??? AND GOD DAMN YOURE JUST SO NICE I CANT EVEN!!! LIKE FUCK!! YOURE A SWEETHEART I FEEL SO HONORED TO BEFRIEND YOU ONGJDJDJDHS?/?-!

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@jayjayartzz — **grips you in my palms** JAYJAY MY FRIEND JAYJAY i know we dont talk as much as we used to but you make me laugh so fucking much. i miss all of your ship content it humors me and it makes me feel good when i read it okay. you're a pleasure to be around we need to vc more often and do the knockoff southern accents again. YOU'RE SO FUN TO BE AROUND THOUGH AND I LOVE THAT FOR YOU!! AAAHHHH!!

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@moonlitdeerr — FAWN !!! MY FRIEND FAWN!!! every interaction we've had has always made me smile and you've always been sososo kind to me and seeing you gush and obtain more lovelies is so so so nice to see okay. and i feel so honored to have met you and suehrhdhshehdbbs im shaking you repeatedly you are just SOOOOO KIND OK!!

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@sleuthinginstinct — ICARUS. MY FRIEND ICARUS. MY LITTLE GUY ICARUS. the gorokisser. the astarionsmoocher. the ruiliker. and then you liked a guy from either csm or jjk i cannot remember for sure. im almost there i swear. ANYWAYS NOT THE POINT YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART!! AND YOU ARE SOOOOSTBDJSN I LOVE WATCHING YOU CREATE AND DEVELOP YOUR STUFF. GETS EMOTIONAL. YOURE ALSO SUCH A SUPPORTER TO SO MANY OTHERS AND I JUST. ICARUS. NY FRIEND ICARUS

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@luaseternal — LÚA MY GEM!!! i know i have your dm unread holy shit i am so sorry but but but i will get to it soon ANYWAYS ANYWAYS AIRHROSHEJEHEHSBHE I FUCKING LOVE YOUR SHIP CONTENT!!!! its always so good and so creative and so amazingly thought out. AND YOURE SO SO NICE TOO LIKE AIEHRHDHWHEJE MY GOD!!! EVERYONE SHOULD FOLLOW YOU OK!!!

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@ode-to-joie — **grips you** JOIE. MY FRIEND JOIE. THE GANONKISSER. THE ACTUAL OLD GUY LIKER. you're so nice like actually how do i even. like like you have been such a supporter of mine since i joined the community and im so (fanning my face heavily). YOU'RE SOOOO AUSHRJDHWJEHE i think you're like. one of the people who i saw having a lot of romantic f/os and i just felt better about having a lot myself okay. YOU ARE SO!! HMGNGDNDNDBNDBD!!!!!

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#🌤️🩵: friend promo!!!!!!!

[creachureboy]

SCOUT VOICE LINES ?! (NSFW)

Notes:

I saw a hc of scout being super chatty during sex where he never shuts up but that makes the dirty talk fuckinf insane so

I let my brain wander. POV scout x reader where he's just saying stuff to you

To be read in Scout's voice.

In no particular order

I wrote this some time ago, I'm asexual and rereading this now makes me uncomfortable, tbh idk what's happening in my flavour of asexuality. But this was lingering in my drafts so take it

I'll set the scene, let's say you went to his room to cuddle, but it turned into a makeout sesh, and then more. Have fun whores.

"Babe, you're so fucking hot. I just can't get enough of ya. Seein' ya like this ? Oh my god."

"Oh, Baby, you sound so good when you're saying my name, oh my god. I wanna hear more of it. Please say more.."

"Ya taste so good, I just- I just can't help myself, y'know?"

"I can't give ya that pleasure you're chasing if you're squirming so much, Toots. I know I'm makin' ya feel really good, but just- stay still, okay?"

"You really can't get enough of me, can ya? I can tell with how much you're shaking."

"Ya like actin' like that, huh? Like a brat? It's cute, I gotta admit. But you'd better quit acting like a brat, or I'll have to fuck you like one."

"Oh that was good. You like that, huh? You want me to keep going like that? Do ya? Huh?"

"You're so fucking cute. But you know you can beg better than that. Come on, Baby, beg some more. For me?"

"You look so good when I'm inside you... Well, you look good all the time. Whatever."

"I wanna fuck ya 'till you can't think of anyone but me. That sound good? ..C'mon, answer me."

"You like it like this? Huh? Yeah ya do."

"I can't understand ya when you're slurring your words like that. Come on Doll, speak a bit clearer for me?"

"I know I'm making you feel good, but I wanna hear words. Answer me."

"I can't fucking get enough of ya, why are you so perfect?"

"You- you really really like it, don'tcha? Shit, man, I- I'm so lucky to call you mine."

"Are you being tight like that on purpose or am I really just making you feel that good?"

"This feels so good, I don't ever want it to end. I think I'll fuck you till the sun comes up.. and then I'll keep on going. Until I get tired. But I dunno when that's gonna happen."

"Am I making you feel good? Tell me you like it. I need to know that you like it."

"You can take this, I know ya can. You've been so good for me, just a little more. I'll be gentle, promise."

"I wanna see your pretty little face. Awh, don't go gettin' all shy on me now. C'mon Doll, please?"

"I cant get enough of you, holy shit, more, please, I- I can't take how good you're making me feel."

"Come on, make those pretty little noises for me. Or do you want me to be harder on you so I can force them outta ya?"

"Your skin feels so good under my hands. It's like I'm touchin- uh, like- ...whatever, I just love it and I wanna touch you more."

"Oh god, you can go even tighter? I dont know if I can even last like this.."

"Why are you so cute, holy shit. I wanna, like, draw you being a mess under me, and keep that drawing forever."

"Yeah, get on your knees for me. I know ya wanna."

"That feels good, that feels so good, oh fuck-"

"More, more- man, this is embarassing.."

"Yeah, thats good, thats good, youre being so good, please- fuck-"

"Look at me. Come on, look at me."

"You need this as much as I do, don't you?"

"Just tell me you want me to fuck you. Because I want to fuck you."

"I'll fuck you so hard and make you moan so loud that the whole base is gonna know how good I am."

"I'm so happy you trust me enough to let me do this to you, you have no idea. I hope you're just as happy as I am."

"You're so cute when youre trying to hold back. Its okay Baby, let yourself go, I know you wanna."

#scout tf2 #scout tf2 x reader #tf2 #tf2 x reader

[chloearit]

// mentions of some... very bad things being done to children, csa, child murder, dubiously consensual things involving teenagers exploring their sexualities, but nothing graphic

It really wasn't a very unusual day.

I was walking the streets of Paris at night. Prometheus had been dismantled and the city was slowly returning to order. The year was 2299, I was 19, and it had been 7 years since I was forced to watch as she was murdered. I never saw any pictures of her, when I had the opportunity I didn't think I could take being reminded of her. The only place I saw her was in my dreams, a fading memory of her, always ripped away by the memory of her death, still clear and vivid as the day it happened, until I was given a vision of a different world where it had been me who died instead of her. She was given immortality, she was found by Sally, adopted and trained. I have to assume her family couldn't be found either. But there was something different about her. She wasn't haunted by my death the way I was by hers, she carried me with her everywhere she went. A memory - an alter - an introject of me who would guide her hand and protect her when she couldn't protect herself, like I had done when we were little kids. She dyed her hair blue, except for a steak of pink next to her right eye, where she'd otherwise cut her hair short. I didn't find out if there was any meaning to it, all I know is she looked super cute. She always wore headphones with big white cat-ear-like things on top, and constantly listened to music. She seemed happy. Happier than me. I kept wishing I could actually go back in time and pick that timeline. Maybe it did exist, somewhere out there, but even if reality shifting is real, it seems pretty set in stone you can only go to timelines where you are alive, and I didn't see any possibility where both of us made it out of there alive.

And then, one night, after an uneventful day, I saw her. Blue hair, pink streak, white cat ear headphones, sitting on some steps.

I stopped.

That's not even what she had ever actually looked like. She had black hair just like me when she died. It couldn't be.

Then she spotted me. And she looked at me in just the same way I was looking at her.

I stepped closer.

She stood up.

I slowly walked towards her.

She stepped down the stairs.

I came closer.

"I'm sorry, I-" She turned away.

I grabbed her arm. She looked back at me.

A long moment, we just stared at each other.

"It can't be," she finally whispered. "She would be..."

"19?"

She took off her headphones. "Lúcia?"

"Lilly?"

"Are you real?" we both asked at once.

"I am."

She was the first to burst into tears. I hugged her, like I had never hugged anyone before. Something about her didn't quite feel human, a bit too stiff in some places, too soft in others, but she was real, undoubtedly. She was here. In my arms.

We sat down on the stairs together, both a bit light-headed and dissociated.

"You're really cold," she finally said. "And you don't look a day over 14."

"You're really warm, but you still look like a child, too."

"Well, yeah, I'm... basically I'm a robot. I don't know how they did it really, I guess they kept my brain, and... and they used it to build... you know. A sexbot. And eventually I got out and it turns out I'm compatible with a lot of cybernetics! So I started modifying myself..." She looked at me. "This all sounds absolutely fucking insane, doesn't it?"

"No, not really, honestly. Um... I'm kind of... like... a vampire?"

"Okay that does sound crazier than mine." She took a breath. "Holy shit."

"Holy shit..."

"I looked for you! I swear I looked for you! But I don't think you ever told me how your name is spelled, and it's pronounced so weird-"

"I understand."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I kind of... assumed they'd just killed you too."

"Yeah, that's fair."

"And... well, you..."

"I... never left?"

"What?" She looked at me like I'd just read her mind. "Yeah... You've always been in my mind. Part of me thought it was maybe actually you, talking to me... Was it?"

"Um... no."

"Then how did you know?"

"I... wish I could explain that to you. It's a long story."

"Well, definitely tell it to me some time."

"Some time..."

Some time.

In the future.

A future... with her in it...

"For sure." I smiled like a fucking idiot and then started crying.

"Are you okay? Lu!" This time I collapsed into her arms.

"I'm okay, I'm just... holy shit. Holy shit, you're real. Holy shit, you're actually fucking here. You're not dead. And you remember me. And oh god, oh god, oh god, I never wanna lose you again! Please don't, please don't ever let me lose you again!"

"I won't. It's okay baby, I won't. I'm here. It's okay."

"I'm so sorry I didn't save you. I should've saved you, I should've! I should've protected you."

"It's okay. You did. I survived. I got out. I'm here. And you've always been there for me."

"You shouldn't have had to go through all that."

"None of us should have. But it's not your fault. You did everything you could. You couldn't have stopped it either way. You were twelve. And they were grown men."

"And you were ten. And I only-"

She closed my mouth.

"You did nothing wrong, bae. Really. You have nothing to apologise for."

She laid my head in her lap. I could hear the whirring of the mechanics inside of her.

"Please don't beat yourself up over it."

"How are you so much better at dealing with all this..." I said, looking up at her. "You're still, like, 17. And I'm pretty sure you got out after me."

"I was 13. 22...94? '95? Four years ago. Yes."

"'94. January. aged 14. right after I was turned."

"Ha! I knew it! Babyface."

"And how old are you supposed to be?" I jolted up.

She laughed. "Something around there, too, I think." She stretched out her arm as if inspecting her body, even though she was wearing long sleeves. "Real teenager-who-just-had-her-first-period vibes."

"Pretty sure those usually happen before you're a teenager."

"Wouldn't know, never had one."

"Lucky," I muttered. I hadn't even thought of that. But she was right.

She was real.

"You know, I kind of thought if I found you, and it turned out I'd just been talking to a fake you this whole time, you'd think I'm weird."

"What? No! Why would I think that? It's kind of... cool honestly. Comforting..."

"But like... what do I do with her now?"

"Keep her. Might be fun getting to talk to a different version of me."

"Huh, okay."

"Is she there?"

"What, right now? N- I mean- Yeah. But... I don't- I kinda wanna talk to you, myself, right now."

"All good."

"Thanks. - Holy shit."

"Holy shit."

Holy shit.

"So like," she took a deep breath, "How's your life been?"

"Um... oh wow. So. I was adopted. Her name is Sally Carriveau, she's a really good mom. She was a cop, quit to take care of me, she taught me how to shoot a gun. Since I'm a vampire now I'm basically immortal so I've just been... running around saving kids... and blowing their abusers' brains out."

"That's... wow! I don't really have any family, as far as I know there aren't any other robot kids like me out there."

"Oh yeah... I think we were... experiments, in making children that would never age, and could take way more abuse than real kids."

"Good to know the experiment backfired."

"Oh yeah!" I smiled. "Pretty sure we've already outlived all of the fuckers."

"You were thorough, huh?"

"Oh yeah. I was thorough."

"Good."

"What have you been up to?"

"Just kind of getting by... Maintaining a body like this is expensive, but I've had some people help me out. I tried doing sex work since that's what I'm built for, but I - well I guess I actually still am a teenager - so a lot of the people were obvious fucking creeps. They paid well enough though, I can see why those bastards did this to me. But honestly I think I just don't really enjoy sex very much regardless. I can do it for the money, but I never really feel it. And yeah, before you ask, I am equipped to physically feel it. No idea if I should take that as a kindness or if that's a feature, but that's not it. I mean emotionally or whatever, I'm just not into it. - I guess it was kind of nice with you, given the circumstances."

"It was?"

"Yes. Maybe I'm demisexual or some shit."

"Traumasexual."

"Ha! Yeah."

"I've run into the same problem though. Trying to date as an adult who looks like this... trying to imagine a future where they'll age and you won't. It's difficult."

"Whatcha into? Girls? Guys?"

"Girls. Definitely girls."

"Knew it."

"And then you also get weirdos who try to call you a creep for merely existing and trying to live an adult life as an adult who happens to look young. And not even that young. You know, there's real adults who look like this. I'm just short and thin. But you really just can't win."

"I get that."

"Maybe you've got the right idea with just forsaking sex."

"It's not a choice, it's just how I feel. If you want to feel that with another girl you should be able to feel it."

"Yeah, I know. I'm not even sure if I'm actually not into men, or if I just feel uncomfortable with them and at this point I've made being a lesbian so much of my identity I don't want to question it."

"You can still be a lesbian. The important part is who you do love, not who you don't."

"One time, I- it's a long story, but basically I ended up having sex with a guy before killing him. Dubiously consensual, on both parts, really, go figure, but that... kind of felt good. Having power over him, knowing I'd be the last girl he'd ever lay his hands on. Like, fuck, even just thinking about it again-"

"I can see that."

"Sorry, is that too much information?"

"It's fine. Probably not a lot of people you can talk to about those things."

"Not really, yeah."

We sat in awkward silence for a moment, then I asked: "So... did you have any plans for tonight?"

"No. Just hanging out."

"I wanna eat something. You probably don't consume food?"

"No."

"What do you run on?"

"Uuuuum, some hydrogen thing, same stuff they use for everything really. I can use fuel cells or I can plug into the mains, I don't really understand how it all works but it does. My mechanic can worry about that."

"I see. Well-" I got up. "I'm gonna grab something to eat, you wanna come with?"

"Yeah, of course!" She got up, too, putting her headphones back on.

"You've got to let me know what you're listening to on that later."

She nodded.

// by Lúcia

// alternate version with colour-coded text for easier reading: https://chloearit.tumblr.com/post/729915294100996096

#fiction #microfiction #empty spaces #Lúcia #Lúcia Cuervo #Lilly #The Last Human Century #personal favourites #science fiction #lolipunk #dollposting #vampire girl #robot girl #plurality #plural system #did system #ptsd #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #queer #lesbian #asexual #grey ace #for Lilly #my first love #you were gone too soon #I hope you're out there #somewhere #I hope you're at peace

[incarnateirony]

Yall. Seriously. Get lives and souls.

Sending a person at me that struggles with MHI for you to influence and convince that I was "faking" about being shot at, despite the pictures, only for you to keep trying to manipulate her for information digging NOBODY was falling for your shit on. Somehow your story went from accusing me of faking to totes being here for TPTB research to actually for a headline to actually actually for a college study group application because you got nailed to the wall on how transparently bullshit your whole approach was.

The sheer fact that you absolute inhuman sacks of air-wasting are stunting like this, denying someone's photographically displayed trauma that is impacting their entire life, just to wank around and try to root out information about who I'm connected to by trying to make me ragesplode? You people are beyond help. You are beyond humanity. You have completely surrendered anything representing this to a fake space with fake identities and fake garbage trying to look big in a digital social circle that matters negative nothing to the real world.

Get fucking lives, you pieces of shit, and stop harassing people.

Goddamn literal sacks of shit trying to live vicariously by pretending everyone's as vacuous of a fake husk as you compulsive fucking lying nobodies holy fuck me running, and you guys are so fucking bad at this you don't even read what you start trying to root for information about and read it literally opposite of what's being said to your face while you're being called out.

Leave us alone you fucking asshats. The reason you refuse to let yourself understand what all this shit adds up to is because you already see it, you already know, you've already nullified your placement in this fandom with these guys, while all your friends are whining on twitter asking why it seems like Misha hates them suddenly.

I need you people to understand how psychologically unwell you collectively are lost into 15 plus years of absolute fandom fake nonsense that you somehow felt entitled to accuse someone posting personally with images of the narrowly surviving a violent attack on their lives that they were somehow faking. I need you to understand how psychologically out of pocket you all are that you even felt that was a possible angle to take or something you had the right to comment on for all of your fandom crying. I have been doing nothing but reblog videos that happened to have the same lyrics as CW tweets that would soon follow. That is literally all I have been doing for like a month. And you still cannot bring yourselves to not try to involve yourselves with opinions on my personal life pretending you can argue about it like you can argue about fiction. Seek help. All of you.

I am a real person. With a real life. Just like the actors are real people with real lives. You cannot just make up whatever you want about real people. If you want to have stupid opinions about fictional interpretation that's fine. But I literally need you to psychologically check yourselves that you thought this was a normal pattern of behavior. You are so insanely out of line and lost to your delusions that you think this is all the same relativity fandom fiction bubble and it is not. Get professional help

And now that you are staring down this fandom psychosis of yours with no escape I need you to understand how much misaligned information you have chosen to misread about literally everything else you have ever come at me about. Because if you can stare at pictures of the bullet holes in my wall and me being at someone else's house taking cover and tell me that I am faking, why do you think you have any more sane or deep of an understanding of the powers that be that none of you have half the connection to that you pretend

The thing is you guys never thought I was faking. You just wanted to convince yourselves I have been. And you are so lost in trying to find some sort of untruth that you have completely lost the plot on reality itself. Your reality is now defined by trying to convince yourself that I am lying about anything. Even when the pictures are in your face. And yet you expect me to take you seriously about men you have never met outside of paid transactions that would never speak with anyone that behave like you do much less assign you professionally like you tried before you got nailed to a wall. You guys just want to find some hope that I am faking something somewhere because otherwise your friends complaining about conventions might overlap with Misha's recent behavior and might even overlap with things like recent layoffs and marketing changes. A lot of things might be very connected. But you don't want to look at those things. You just want to look at anything you think you can argue against and that isn't how reality works.

My life and my near death experience is not your personal fucking fictional TV sandbox for you to have opinions about, you inconsolable sacks of fake shit.

But you know, that's it, isn't it? Again, all I've been doing is reblogging music videos that happen to sync to CW tweets that would be shortly after posted. You don't know what to grab onto. You don't know how to argue that. If you argue it, you reveal that you actually see it, by putting it together. So all you can do now is grab at someone's real life and attack it, because your own is lacking, and you're all fake, so everyone must be fake, even with the goddamn bulletholes on display. It's literally the only thing you've been able to grab at and yell "Fake" about as stupid and legit insane as it is, but you guys are so lost to crazypants land you didn't tap the brakes to realize how verifiably insane you're acting. But I'm sure your media opinions are magically more grounded.

He's a Cult Leader. Catch the fucking clue being broadcast on TV, assholes, and leave us alone. You have no one to be angry at and blame but yourselves. The owls control digital gotham. A flock of owls, or rooks such as crows, is called a parliament. They're in deep. There's no going back. It's a clown cabal pulling strings. fucking cope. It was about making our own destiny. Can't stop, won't stop, zaddy dent says don't stop; let go of the past, live in the present, create the future; some people claim to be spiritual healers, only a few actually are. But if you don't listen to the messaging when it's on my blog, why would I expect you to listen to it coming through the socials coincidentally?

Coming at you live, real real wild, here to light it up set the world on fire. Spit heat I melt your face off, in the cut just like a razor, disappear, I'm your eraser. Well, kids... what you gonna do now? It's your own reflections looking back to drag you down. Got all your eyes on me, got all the lines on ring, knock 'em dead, all the eyes on me. Figure it out.

March 7, 2023. We had a spell to burn.

I told you all. No amount of stalking poor fan accounts or random fanfic bangs you think my server members are involved with will push us out, if you follow any official accounts at all. Do with that as you will, but start touching base that you lost before you realized there was a war.

Man I wonder how the socials like Misha much less the CW just got 4x as active despite mass layoffs. Maybe the tweets are magically writing themselves!!! It couldn't possibly be CW scripted shows getting new coverage and socials management I WONDER WHOMST HUH GEE BRAIN ITS A GODDAMN MYSTERY if you're a fandom knucklehead refusing to read obvious truths because holy fuck that would mean you truly madly deeply collectively fucked yourselves

[jaggededges123]

"Sure sex is great but have you ever read a fanfic by an incredible author and then realized they have 30+ other fics in the tag?"

Heavy on that, about you.

First time I read one of your fics I was so sad because the experience was over. Your writing has that quality that I was so sure would never be replicated again because it's that amazing. I say this because usually when I read a fic written so beautifully, the writer is like Bigfoot or something. Hasn't been spotted since 1900s and the writing is so pristine, the fic about to become classic literature. I was genuinely so sad that the experience was over but then when I clicked your profile I saw 200 !?!?!!!!???? HOLY SHIT??

Not only that but the experience never truly ended. It was just another branch on a tree, not the end of the road. If your fics fell from trees instead of apples, Isaac Newton would've invented something beautiful instead of calculus.

Your writing is so wonderful and I wish I could give you a hug for everything that you've written. However many people tell you how insane and amazing you are, it's not enough.

I apologize for the liberal use of improper language. I had no other way to explain it.

anon i gotta tell you when i first saw this i made a very long, drawn out "weh??" sound, i'm so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺. thank you so much for all the kind words!! the feeling i have rn is truly indescribable, but it's very, very good! i'm so curious as to which fic you found me through, was it niecest or a niche pairing or something else i am BURNING with curiosity 👀💖.

i'd love to be a cryptid ngl but unfortunately my brain just won't let me stop. i think to myself, "oh i'll just get it out in 1-2 fics and that'll be okay then" and next thing i know i have like 20 with no plans to stop XD. but! at least that means more fic to share with people who enjoy it <333 and more fandom buds to make <333

i'm really, genuinely so pleased that the rest of my fics have held up to that first one as well 🥰. i really do put a piece of my heart into each, no matter how fluffy or filthy they are, so it's so encouraging to hear that the effort i go to is appreciated <3

virtual hug received <333 and thank you for that, too! you're so incredibly kind to me, giving me such high praise! i will take this happiness, roll it up, and stuff it into even more fic XD <3

#seriously though thank you so much <3 #my brain's such a delicate little ecosystem #and i've had to keep almost all my wips on lock for the past couple weeks #so this is really so genuinely encouraging #i can't express it properly but yknow #break glass in case of self loathing

[viviannesmonster]

Seriously, all the tf2 members are so funny. Soldier being the funniest.

But holy shit. This is probably obvious, but Spy is just shshhshahsjaisheijsjsis

He's hot man

He had seduced me.

SO HERE, TAKE THIS.

My favorite quotes from TF2 members in "Expiration Date"

SPY: This is a bucket

SOLDIER: Dear God

SPY: There's more-

SOLDIER: No!

SPY: ....

•

SOLDIER: Hello Miss Pauling! We killed everybody and took a briefcase!

•

SOLDIER: Goodbye Miss Pauling! I am leaving the van now!

SCOUT: Bye Bye, okay then.

•

SCOUT: Lotta people busy with...business..

SPY: Asking out that dial tone again I see

SCOUT: Go to hell spy

•

SCOUT: AAAHH! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!

MEDIC: Tumors!

HEAVY: *looks down at his sandwich suspiciously*

ENGINEER: Y'all know what this means right?

SOLDIER: AAAAAH! *chokes Scout and slams him onto a table* WE CANNOT TELEPORT BREAD ANYMORE!

•

MEDIC: Three days...Yes, we all have three days to live!

SOLDIER: *trying to count*

DEMO: *shows up* WOOOOOOO! WOOOOHOOOO! Woooo............what?

•

SPY: Our first dying wish is Scouts! He's...drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car. I have something radiating off me?

SCOUT: Yeah, those are stink lines. That's why the car hit him, cause he smells-

SPY: Yes I see. Here, you've drawn me having sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower.

-Giggle-

SPY: Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me

-Giggle-

SPY: Both of us relaxing post-coitus

DEMOMAN: *mouths* Post-coitus?

SCOUT: *laughing*

SPY: I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it- DID ANYONE BESIDES SCOUT PUT A CARD INTO THE BUCKET?!

SCOUT: Oh man...Classic Scout.

SPY: Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.

SOLDIER: You did not read mine!

SPY: *sigh* Does it say you want the bucket?

SOLDIER: Yes!

....

SPY: See you all in hell

•

SCOUT: Hey uh.... you got a second?

SPY: Oh Scout! Please! Go fuck yourself.

•

SPY: Hmm and why is that? Do you think?

SCOUT: Come on Spy. I don't know

SPY: Well, a mystery we will take to our graves then, Goodbye.

•

SPY: I'll do it. On one condition.

*summons a mic*

SPY: Say that, again.

•

SPY: Seduce me.

SCOUT: ...........you?

SPY: Seduce. Me.

SCOUT: What?! Spy I ain't gonna-

SPY: SEDUCE ME!

SCOUT: Right! Right...*deep breath* okay...hey there..........good looking? I got a bucket of chicken-

*slap*

SPY: I'm not one of your fried chicken tramps. I'm a woman. I like my men dangerous, mysterious, you want to be my lover?! Earn it! Seduce me!

*slaps*

•

SPY: You have a dinner date for seven. What time do you arrive?

SCOUT: Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant. Run background checks on the staff. Can the cook be trusted? If not I gotta kill him. Dispose of the body, replace him with my own guy, no later than 4:30

SPY: ....You're ready.

SCOUT: Really?

SPY: No! *laughs* Everything you just said was insane. And we are out of time. Congratulations, you're a failure.

•

SCOUT: You look-....you...look...uhhh

DEMOMAN: Drunk!

SOLDIER: Round! Soft! No, round!

DEMOMAN: Blurry!

•

MS. PAULING: Scout you-!...are you having a prom?

Enjoy lmao

#tf2 #spy #scout #heavy #demo #medic #sniper #soldier #engineer #funny #quotes

[luveline]

Jade oh my god, i'd just like to preface this with a thank you for your work because it truly is so beautiful and has nearly always brought me to tears (happy and sad lol) and because this is so long! but i have not read any of your zombie au before the kidnapping fic (and will be getting right on that because i think id die if i dont get more of these two omg) and it was so easy to fall into their world and just know the characters. 

The first part that stood out to me was the ordeal with the soap, when he found the soap in the showers and just put it in his pocket because he knew you hadn't wanted to waste it, that was when it was like oh okay he is so madly in love with her he's not even gonna waste that soap because you wouldn't waste it. 

“The only thing he finds is a slither of soap, the shard of bar soap he'd told you to throw away, lying on the floor. 

You'd insisted you wouldn't waste it. 

He picks it up and pockets it, throwing his gaze around the room in another circle to be sure.” 

Another thing that made my heart absolutely ache was the fact that they were both in so much agony over the fact that, that could've been it, that's all they'll get of each other. 

“What if you've abandoned him? Loved him this long to toss in the towel at the finish line? “ 

“Under all that you're still hoping he's going to save you. You're gonna hear him calling. You hope — you know — Steve won't think you've left. While you haven't been quiet about your doubts living in The College, you wouldn't leave without him. Steve is the safest place in the world.” 

“If they believe you left, they believe it was by yourself. You have to hope Steve believes you'd never go without him. 

If he doesn't, you are completely alone.”

“You wish you’d known what was going to happen. Not even to ask him to come with you. You think after everything the two of you deserve a proper goodbye. All that pain and all that affection and this is how it ends?” 

LIKE FUCK!!!!!! 

 I literally had to take a step away from my phone when steve found her and said this>

“Hey,” he says, smiling a rare smile. “My girl… it’ll be okay. I’m gonna fix it. Everything’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

When they're in bed together at the end and she's asking if he's okay and he breaks down a little bit but realizes she doesn't need that so he holds himself together through jokes just to see her smile….he's so in love, i don't think you can show that any better than you have already and honestly it's just so beautiful. 

“You have tears in your eyes and he’s flooded with guilt. He brought it up too soon, he knows. It’s barely over — you need to feel safe, and won’t if he keeps reminding you. 

“I’m okay,” he says softly. “How are you feeling, huh?”

I’m so sorry, he wants to tell you. 

You’re finally smiling. He won’t ruin it.”

basically im in luv with this story and i want you to know that i am so thankful i was able to read it! <333

HOLY shit .

I need to preface with this shit means the world to me 🥺 I loooove seeing what you thought and this is just a beyond generous appraisal I'm jelly fr

I'm glad it was easy to start with that one I usually forget that like they're separate and should probably be readable for new people too and it's a good relief

It's an insane feeling when readers pick up on stuff you did and you're not sure if you've like laid it down clearly enough?? I don't know but the soap, and the agony of not knowing if they're ever gonna see each other again, and even the bit where he's about to have a breakdown but then pulls it together, I don't know its just a pleasure to know you read it and you felt all of it, I feel accomplished 😭

I'm sloppy but yeah it means the world, thank you so much for reading, for taking the time to share this with me, and for being a total sweetheart ♥🫂

#jade's asks #ily

[bitchlessdino]

Sooo congrats on 1k! Im usually more on the shy side and stay quiet on here but had to finally say hi.

I found you from Retracing Steps & have read basically all your other works & love your writing. I've reread multiple of your stories many times. Def Dino biased all the way (tho coups will always be my first when i found them) & your dino stories are my faves for him.

Had to get in on the ship game so here goes, i'm sorta a socially awkward social butterfly, '01 liner, 5'10", love music and dancing & singing, love to write and read, gaming. A bit dorky at times but love places like hot topic and have a love for Vans. And more than anything just love cuddles.

For the kink stuff...switch leaning sub, blindfolds & restraints seem interesting, oral (rec), marking?, thighs (is that a kink?), and still not sure about anything else

Sry for how long this got, you're amazing!

Aww hii. Better late than never, thank you for joining in and kid words! It's so nice to meet other dinonaras so i don't feel like so insane on my own lol. I am also obsessed with coups tho ngl, he's my second bias. AND HOLY SHIT YOU ARE TALL, gimmie some height pls. <3

From your tastes in my writing lol, and how you've described yourself, I'm paring you up none other than your bias CHAN lol. I feel like if one of you notices the other being awkward, you would nudge each otehr no the right direction the way loud introverts do in their friend group of quieter introverts (does that make sense?) He would always be down to dancing, singing, exchanging books with you (but i fear knowing him it'd mainy consist of webtoons or graphic novels.) He'd think your style is so sick and attractive, he can't help but be drawn by you and at first think "wow, how am I suppose to talk to them, they're so cool." when it gets tho the point of intimacy, I think he'd go all out for you. Tying you up all pretty in silk ties, marking you head to toe so you can see them later in the mirror, and then finally having you cum in his mouth because seeing and tasting you is a experiece he wants to live over and over again. You taste that damn good.

Tell me about yourself or a kink you have and I will match you up with a Seventeen member

#ship games #nan talks #asks #anon asks #anon

[vammppyre]

LOKI S2 FINALE REACTION

cuz ik this is gonna be Bat Shit Insane

I am SO EXCITEDDDD

ok here we go

THE INTRO IS EPIC

OMG THE TIMING AHHH

WHYD HE STILL LET TIMELY SPAGHETTIFY???????

is that like the furthest back he can go or something????

nvm hes just struggling (fair, hes watching someone spaghettify over and over again)

DUDE JUST TELL THEM YOU FIGURED OUT HOW TO TIME TRAVEL

the model scene again is sending me omg

AGAIN. TELL THEM THE TIME SLIPPING WAS TIME TRAVEL

tell them tell them tell them you're driving me insane loki, GIVE THEM AN EXPLANATION PLEASE BBY

omg he knows all the weak spots on the suit omg

HE SMARTTTTTT

mobius confusedddd

HE SO SMART NOW

YAYYYYY TIMELY

she's so brave! she's well-behaved! she is not afraidddddd!!!

CMONNNN TIMELYYY YOU GOT THISSSS

HOOF IT HOOF IT HOOF IT

centuriessss omg hes been going through it im gonna cry thinking about it holy shit. all for his friends. I love him so much

WIZARDDDD

NOOO THE READINGS WHATS HAPPENING

shittt no the pruning has to happen doesn't it....

oh god

is he gonna have to go back to before the end of s1?

HE IS WHO REMAINS NOW ISNT HEEEEEEEEEE

HE WHO REMAINS (rip) WAS RIGHT ITS GOTTA BE LOKI

hug mobius hug mobius hug mobius before they all die again please please please

I WAS RIGHT HES BACKKKKKKKK BOIIII

AHHAHAHAHHA THIS MEANS NO MORE CANON SYLKI KISS AHHAHAHAHAH

tell her u time traveled tell her you time traveled tell her you time traveled tell her you've time traveled tell her you've time traveled tell her you've time traveled TELL HER YOUVE TIME TRAVLED

HOLYSHIT THIS IS HOW HE WHO REMAINED REMAINED IN THE FIRST PLACE ITS GOTTA BEEEEE

HAHAHH BOTH OF THEM STOPPING HER IN THE ELEVATOR THIS IS GOLDEN

no way is he actually going to have to kill her?

FROZEN IN TIMEEE HELL YEAH

omg YESSSSS HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT

IM GOING INSANE

WHERE DID HE PUT HER LMFAOOOO

omg this actually means he doesnt kiss Sylvie ever again lmfaooo. gay ass (affectionate)

"this is a lot for you" lmfaoooo "lmk when you're ready to have a conversation"

OOOOOH BACK ATTEM

omg the first "idk what happens after this" was a SETUPPPPPP HOLYSHITTTTT IM SCREAMINGGGGGG

is he EVER gonna tell mobius/the gang. I feel like if he would've told them in one of his retries they would've showed us

it just occurred to me none of season two happened to ANYONE but loki holyshit

the actual concept of the end of time is still crazyyy to me like my little peabrain can't comprehend

NOOOO IS HE ACTUALLY GONNA KILL HER

OMG HES GOING BACK FURTHER!!!!!!

omg omg omg pre all of his relationships hes barely gonna have his friends hes gonna have to reform all the relationships

HES BLOWING MOBIUS'S MINDDDDD HES GONNA HAVE TO BREAK HIS MINDSET AGAIN PLEASE LET THEM HAVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP BACK

I just know hes so happy to talk to mobius again hes spent probably weeks months years at the citadel at the end of time

more burden than glory omgomgomg

MOBIUS WAS THE ONE WHO HESITATED sobbing

no nO WHY WHY WHY WHAT WHAT WHAT

HES BACK IN THE PRESENT???

WHATTTT

OMG HE STOPPED IT FULLY

HE PULLED SYLVIE OUTSIDE TIME!!!

at least hes finally telling somebody

NOOO HES GONNA HAVE TO KILL HER :(

don't fucking make them kiss AGAIN istg

babes hes spent CENTURIES reliving shit please gurl

okokokokokokok!!!

hes just chilling with them (in slow-mo? can't tell)

NOOOOOOOOO DONT DO IT

boy if you die everything does dont do it

slutty hair flip here we go

IWHATWHATWHAT

OMGOMGOMG COSTUMINGGG COSTUMINGGGGG YEAHHH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

ok that's creepy looking asf

WHOAAAAAAAAA

OHMYGOD OHMYGOD

im gonna start sobbing

YESSS SIT ON THAT THRONE

WHOAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMGOMGOMG

YGDRASSIL OH MY GOD OH M Y GOD

THE TREE OF FUCKING TIME!!!

mobius :(

im actually sobbing right now :(((

lmfao they pruned Ravenna

GET GOT LOL

DON :(

MOBIUS AND SYLVIEEEE

LOKIIIIIIIII

glorious purpose. sobbing. sobbing.

its rly good this just means its really over.

#loki spoilers #loki finale #mcu loki #losing my shit #screaming #crying #throwing up

[supertransural]

My Bloody Valentine, what the hell

Okay. I know I'm probably not writing a hot take with this one, but I just needed to get all my tangled up thoughts out in the form of coherent strings of words ("coherent" is debatable as you'll probably find out if you read this entire thing).

So here I was, watching a random commentary video, and this scene from 5x14 My Bloody Valentine was included in it:

Now that. That's a bi flag. We know how much care set designers put into the details of the scenes we see. This is an episode centered around love. The cupid here talks about "Love", as in, the broad term. The "all-encompassing" term, if you will. He also says he "loves love", which I personally interpret as "in all its shapes and forms", and I don't believe that interpretation of what the cupid is saying is that far-fetched, after all, he kind of is Love (with a capital L). So what does that scene mean?

Let's find out.

First of all, I just feel like I should mention that I think pansexuality would be a better way to "represent" that sort of sentiment around what Love is, but if I'm not mistaken, the pansexual flag was created after this episode aired, and even if the word "pansexual" has existed for a pretty long time in various studies and areas (usually in psychology, if I understand correctly?), and has been used in LGBTQ+ spaces for a while too, it's still not as "commonly known" in the day-to-day life of cishet people, at least not in the same way that being bi is.

That being said, here's one more little nugget before I do a quick analysis of the scene. The idea of being bi is probably the closest thing that any not-very-informed-but-supportive-ish cishet person could think of if they wanted to relate the concept of "love for the sheer sake of love, having love for anyone, love of the masses" to actual characters and how they're able to love their peers (or more accurately, which peers). It's not so surprising to me that this would be the flag chosen by set designers when trying to pass on the message of "this interaction is about love as a general concept, this cupid is love, this cupid loves everyone, and will bless any couple, and yeah in that scene two out of the three characters (other than the cupid himself) stand in front of that light, no reason haha". It makes sense.

Now, onto the actual substance of this.

First of all, because it's funny, Dean why are you literally staring at this cupid's dick, honestly, what the fuck, Sam is averting his eyes (good call), Cas looks like he's only interested in analyzing the cupid's face (more on that later) and nothing else, why are you staring downwards why why why and why (hello, jacting choices). Second of all, because it's funny too, why do you look slightly flustered, in an oh-god-this-is-not-a-drill-shit-oh-god-fuck-embarrassed way? I mean Sam looks like he's been to hell and back, but not flustered.

It's also specifically interesting to see both Cas and Dean being the ones standing together in front of that light. It happens just a little while before, right here:

They're. Staring at a cupid, whose job it is to bless couples, who's Love incarnate, he hugged these two idiots first before getting to Sam, which means something and I'm not exactly sure what but, if you still have braincells (unlike me) please tell me what you conclude of those facts compiled together.

In this particular scene, I don't think the flag is actually a pointer to specific characters being bi, I think it's more of a broad "yeah these guys love a little different" kind of thing. For example, we see Cas in front of that light a lot.

This is season 5, he's barely starting to understand what emotions are, but he's already faithful to Dean and his cause, he's beginning to get what liking things, what caring means. He doesn't figure it all out until way later (in my personal opinion, that is. And I mean... 15x18 anyone?) no, at that point he's driven by things like want, need, yeah, I'll say it, lust, or simple candid curiosity. But that ties into the idea that right now, in that episode, Cas' understanding of "Love" is very broad. He doesn't understand details yet, the only detail he knows is Dean vs the World, and all he gets about that is "the world matters to Dean, there's probably a reason for that, if I follow him around enough I'll probably discover it, and I trust him enough to lead me there". He's still an angel, fairly through and through. He's curious, though.

Refer back to that previous gif, Cas is watching with acute interest what that cupid is doing. Prior to this scene, he's known the "mission" that cupids uphold for thousands of years, but I doubt he's ever really looked at it with the help of the lens of actual humans (read: Dean). He's interested, this cupid's job is to create love, and that seems to be something inherently tied to what makes his charge... himself. That much he knows. Again, probably not in detail, probably not that precisely, but he's got a sense that this cupid represents something he doesn't know and hasn't felt before, yet something Dean and Sam are accustomed to, and driven by. So yeah, he's curious.

Now here's the thing. We see Dean standing in front of that light, both alone, with the cupid, and with Cas. On several occasions.

(something something something bi flag in the background something something something character centered around love something something something the word "dick" something something something what the fuck CW)

We see the cupid standing in front of the light (scroll back up), and we see Cas in front of the light, with the cupid, alone, and with Dean. What about Sam?

...Yeah, no. I replayed that scene several times and I didn't find one instance where we see Sam even remotely lighted by that flag. And when I say remotely, I mean like this:

The light being somewhat noticeable in the background. Even when we see Sam after he moves a bit, like so:

The light is nowhere to be seen. That's after the cupid's left too, so it makes sense the flag wouldn't be relevant anymore: the entity that it represents isn't there to give it meaning anymore. I mean, during that entire scene Sam's a bit (gross understatement, I know) of a background character, but that's simply because he's not the main focus of what the cupid and the flag mean.

Dean though. Dean's a focus alright. No one can ever convince me otherwise, he's bi. That's just a fact at this point. But that's not all the flag and the cupid mean when relating to him here. He's beginning to form a type of bond with Cas, albeit small. He's starting to open up a door that he's never really noticed before: the one that lets people other than blood relatives (or close runner-ups like Bobby) in. And he's facing that head on, like how he's facing the cupid. Both he and Cas do that actually, in their own way. They're looking straight into the eyes of the unknown (Cas literally looks into the eyes of the cupid): for Cas it's this strange foreign thing called emotion, and for Dean it's letting a known emotion be directed at someone new. They're the ones that talk to the cupid, not Sam, because they have things to be curious or apprehensive about, in the context of love (or different love).

They stand in the highlight of that flag, because they're the ones discovering new things (hello, 10x16 speech, yes I'm relating a random scene with a funny light to a speech 5 seasons later, leave me be, I'm insane) and not Sam, who's for one: human, so he already knows what love is, and two: way more in touch with his feelings than his brother. Basically, the concept of Love being something strange, unknown, new, different, scary, worth punching it in the face for, deserving of focused study, take your pick, doesn't really apply to him.

How could I relate this to destiel you ask? Very easily, I say. This, theydies and gentlethems, is a representation of the first step both Cas and Dean take towards each other. A toe in the waters of a frightening and captivating new thing. And again, they face it in a really direct manner.

That is... Right up until the cupid mentions John and Mary. That's when it goes downhill and we understand that whatever Dean and Cas have going on is about to take years of work and a million steps still need to be taken.

Exhibit a:

Look at Cas' face, when the cupid mentions the Big Plan. He starts by studying the cupid (again, curiosity), then looks at Dean, then Dean briefly looks back (perhaps back at Cas but that's debatable), and that's when Cas looks down, embarrassed. I read that as: "Ah yes, as interesting of a concept this cupid is, as fascinating as these two humans' perspective on his mission is, it's still dictated by Heaven, and they're not going to like that. I'm still dictated by Heaven (as I should (???)) and... He's not going to like that. (???)".

Annnnd then Dean punches the cupid in the face, which... Good point, Cas, he indeed doesn't "like that".

So what are those steps highlighted by the ending of that scene? Well, Cas is an angel. Dean is clueless about so many things. He doesn't have faith. Cas isn't exactly free. It's just always about the plan and the mission, whatever comes up in their tumultuous adventures together, it always brings them right back to the core of why there's still such a long way to go: who they are.

All in all, that scene is just. Imagery there, imagery here, reference after reference, big red arrows (yes, I'm using "arrows" in the context of a cupid episode, I fully intend this sentence to have a double meaning) pointing at Dean and at Cas and at them both together. It's not necessarily a direct reference at either of them being bi, although for obvious reasons that's not exactly off the table either, it's sort of a piece of foreshadowing for what's to come, both in that season itself, and the rest of their relationship (here I use "relationship" as a term meaning something like "friendship-that-evolves-into-something-more-later-on").

In short, I'd like to conclude (you can use that as a TL;DR) by quoting my brain when I first saw that flag and connected a couple dots:

"lol bi".

#well damn that was long. #if you've read it all holy shit! you're just as insane as i am for writing it! haha! #if not more! #this isn't a personal attack though! it's ok to be insane! #join me in my destiel related meta bubble! #anyways. #i do think that there's a bunch of double meanings to both the lighting and the cupid #it's a big mess to untangle #and again i fully realize im probably not the first to notice this #as i said i just wanted to put my thoughts into sentences so i could go back to lying on the floor thinking about Them #and then go back to writing my damn fic #destiel #deancas #dean #cas #sam #endverse #spn #supernatural #spn meta #meta

[achairwithapandaonit]

I highkey loved clamp school detectives and clamp school defenders but i only had access to 2 books in a queensland library one afternoon, and have had to rely on my memory of it since.

So if you ever wanna rant/rave about either of them i will eagarly read it.

Also i was super excited when they picked up legal drug again (p sure legal drug was the reason my sister got into hello kitty).

oh holy shit! legal drug! i forgot about that. it's been a big while since i've read it, but i remember really enjoying that one. (and i think wish shopkeeper watanuki showed up in that one as well?? or was that just kobato? i think he showed up in kobato. either way it's always nice to see him)

i'm not actually amazing about putting thoughts into words tbh except that i,,, am tired of always talking about bnha no matter how much i love my fics for it. and i've always been super into anything clamp so just talking about it is fun, though i don't know much about what i'd say.

clamp school defenders is completely ridiculous and just. fun. it's a fun series. i enjoy it. maybe not quite as much as i enjoy other clamp works, but it is still dear to me.

clamp school detectives is also fun but somehow more. maybe it's the characters?? the trio is so iconic and it's fun to see them. i love nokoru so much and i'd give my life for him. i guess it's also pretty much a breath of fresh air to think about after spending so long reading x/1999. though i guess in relation to x/1999 you're of course forced to think about the fact that it's sest in the same universe, just in the future. and that's like (': oh. i guess the clamp school detectives are gonna die horribly then huh. fuck you clamp.

thankfully it went on hiatus i guess. i wouldn't want to see those three die. i do wonder about their dynamic as adults tho. like do suoh and nokoru know that akira is a phantom thief? is he still getting up to that? and what about duklyon? what are those guys doing in x/1999 when the world is ending? aliens were a thing in duklyon and that's so insane to think about in relation to the fact that this one universe is: duklyon, clamp school detectives, man of many faces, tokyo babylon, and x/1999 all wrapped up in one.

and actually! mentioning tokyo babylon. i need to bring up the fact that i swear i read somewhere that subaru attended the same class as the duklyon characters! like holy shit these guys were classmates. and i don't think subaru even knew that clamp campus was being taken over by aliens all the time.

like imagine x/1999 and imagine you're subaru and the worlds ending and imonoyama nokoru is hanging out with you guys a little bit because of that and he's like lmao remember when the school was being taken over by aliens everyday and you're like NO. and like. this is probably common knowledge. like,, imagine that everyone knows BUT subaru, because he was always busy. and you know it just makes me go a little crazy thinking about that. aliens technically exist in the x/1999-verse. of course they do.

idk if you've actually read x/1999 or tokyo babylon - my guess is no because you only mentioned the clamp school series and legal drug - but the implications of the clamp multiverse are far reaching.

#ask tag #CLAMP

[lillupon]

Hey lei! Its been so long since we've talked lol my bad I have no excuses I am literal trash T^T

Anyway I was rereading AEV you know, as you do and I got to that chapter where ww erh....hmmm how do I word this? Uhh jerked it? lmfao after mg's fight and it talked abt how he got turned on by mgs aggression so I'm thinking does he tell mg abt his...uhhh kink when they're dating?

I think he wouldn't have to. Like mg picks up on it quite easily since ww isn't very subtle about it either. So of course mg notices how ww clenches tighter on his length when he smacks or grabs his ass or moans louder when he pins him into the mattress or holds him up against a wall.

So he asks him abt it. Not like a why more like a "we never really talked about our limits in the bedroom so I think we should do that now" and they do. They establish the things they're okay with and the things they're not and the things they want to try out before they give a definite answer.

Ww would bring up the fight ofc. I'd like to think that this far into the relationship he wouldn't be as nervous with admitting things to mg, like he would stutter less and hold his eyes more. But whenever they bring up the past, namely the high school where their relationship had started he'd always be a stuttering mess. He'd gotten better at getting over it what with the amount of talking he and mg like to do to avoid miscommunication, but that plus something that involves their sex life, he has a bit of a struggle.

He tries to confess his shame with lots of uh's and um's and gosh's all the while avoiding mg's gaze and wringing his hands on his lap. So when he says he's afraid mg will judge him for it, mg holds his hands and levels his gaze to his and says all that "I will never judge you for anything bcos i luv u and i trust u" speech. Ww finally admits his sins, mg will stare at him for a while processing the information.

"You....masturbated to me?"

"Don't say it like that!"

"How else am I supposed to say it when thats exactly what you did!"

"Oh My God, Mingyu! You're so embarrassing!"

Mingyu would laugh lighthearted all the while wonwoo pouts wondering why he was embarrassed in the first place when his boyfriend is a literal child who will make fun of him every chance he gets.

When they laughter dies down, mg would pull him into a hug and kiss his temple, trying to console his pouting boyfriend.

"So....you're not mad? Or like...repulsed?"

"Why would I be when I jerked off to you too?"

"Mingyu!"

So yeah I just wanted to get that outta my mind even tho aev has ended for a month now lol. can you believe it's been 8 months now since you've published the first chapter? That's insane I thought it finished like a week ago wow. It feels like it was only yesterday I was scrolling through the svt tag and I saw "Explicit: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, teacher/student relationship" and I read it without even looking at the summary

Anyway I miss you and I miss anxiously waiting for the next chptr of aev like the good old days 😪

Hope you're well! Stay happy, stay healthy!

Hoi hoi Ana! ⊂( ´ ▽ ` )⊃ I am doing well, and I hope you are too. We haven't talked in a while and you say hi by shooting me dead with your AEV minwon thoughts ☆⌒(>。<) This is so loving and sexy at the same time ♡

I'll bet Wonwoo's confession goes right to Mingyu's head. Knowing that his sweet omega used to masturbate to thoughts of him before they started dating? Holy shit! (On a side note, Mingyu learning that Wonwoo had multiple orgasms thinking about Mingyu during the first heat he had in years--hooooooo boi)

AEV Mingyu unintentionally embarrassing Wonwoo, what else is new? lmao

I had so much fun writing and posting AEV ;w; I miss it a lot, and I miss having something to share every week. I'm in that weird post-longfic phase where I want to write, but nothing is capturing me the way AEV did.

Thanks for dropping by to say hi ♡ Take care!

#asks #aev bonus

[anothertimdrakestan]

thank you <3

i can't put into words the emotions and thoughts running through my head which is pretty funny cuz jotting down my weird and sappy thoughts on this blog is what i've been doing for 115 days straight but... wow

damn. holy guacamole batman. idk pogchamp im literally at a loss for words.

100,000 notes. 100,00 times i made someone smile or laugh or cry or just feel something

i like to think it's 100,000 times i made someone's day just a teensy tiny bit better

when i started this random, poorly put together blog 115 days ago i did not think i'd be here thanking y'all for 100,000 notes (+more on my other accounts) and nearly 5k followers... that's truly insane and it's a number pretty hard to wrap your brain around.

so thank you, for every like, reblog, comment, ask, message, i see them all. and it's crazy that i'm to the point where i struggle to keep up. because that means that there's a ton of you guys that actually want to talk to me or want me to write you something :) it makes my heart so happy

if you've been here since the beginning, good lord how have you put with me for so damn long??? but thank you and i see you and i love you, don't hesitate to reach out <3

if you're new, get ready for the shit show that is my blog, i'm so glad you're here, i love you.

also! no one dare call me a "big blog" or a "popular person in the batfam community" it makes my brain do sommersaults and i short circuit and my body takes a screenshot. i'm just elle :) i still want to have as many mutuals as possible, i'm still gonna read and reply to every comment, and i have no plans to stop answering your amazing asks :)

so let's keep going, because you dear reader are just as much a reason for this blogs success as i am :),

from one anothertimdrakestan to another,

i love you

#sorry this post is so long i'm a mess emotionally #i'm trying to imagine all 5k of you in a room and i genuinely think i'd have a panic attack cuz it would be too loud #if you've been here since stay with me goddamn message me already we are best friends automatically #anyways i'm gonna post a short then cry myself to sleep #for my followers #batfam #batfamily #batboys