#if you thinking i’m joking i’m not | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

malewife-saber · 1 year

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i may be the only stinky obi wan lover but it’s a title i take very seriously.

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badolmen · 4 months

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WARNING 18+

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#ra speaks #it’s a silly joke/pun dw #we stay silly :3 #edit:#woahg. that’s a lot of notes. hi everybody o/#10k. stop clenching your jaw and drink some water.#15k. eat some fresh fruit this week! I’m having kiwis tonight :]#20k. quit sitting like a shrimp it’s bad for your neck! sit up straight and do a little stretch every now and then #25k. I’m up at 2 AM but I’ll get to see the sunrise today :] if you can’t see that I hope you admire the sunset later today #30k. do something fun you haven’t done in a while. I haven’t drawn in months - I think I’ll paint a cat tomorrow :3

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bioshzrd · 3 months

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this random ass guy who’s entire bit is that he can move like this is the only good wesker fan ever

#talking #edit: i changed the caption you guys are so annoying lmfao #i didn’t mean anything by it at all if you think i’m equating being old with bad that’s entirely a you problem.. someone easily 20+ years #older than me is in fact an old ass guy to me sorry i didn’t realize the uses tumblr at age 30-40 community was gonna stroll up on my post #you guys are so sensitive my god #i call one of my closest friends and family members who are all 10-20 years older than me old all the time you guys need to learn not to #take shit so seriously and also don’t lecture me on my joke post

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humanmaybe · 6 months

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I make my grilled cheese with garlic bread (aka just sprinkling garlic salt into the butter on the bread) and if I have it I will add goat cheese.

#poll #tumblr polls #grilled cheese #sex poll #sjshksgs #this is just bc I keep seeing the sex/dugs/club polls #and then also a ton of posts being mad about those polls lol????#so fuck you grilled cheese poll #I’m not sure how it correlates but I think the joke was we should make dumb polls more

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delusionsofgrandeur13 · 5 days

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you’re borrowing your boyfriend!jason todd’s…

hoodie

it’s big, it’s warm, and it smells like your big warm boyfriend. of course you stole it. luckily jason runs hot..or that’s what he tells you at least. the man gets cold too, but he’d never tell you that. not when you look so cozy in his sweatshirt.

sweats

your favorite thing of his to match with his hoodie. his sweatpants are super warm, super soft, and super baggy. meant for ultimate comfort. jason loves it when you go full out sweatsuit in his clothes. like, loves it. you’re like his own personal teddy bear to hold on to while he falls asleep. who needs sweats when he has you to keep him warm..in his.

t shirt

sometimes, when the weather’s warmer, you’ll steal one of jason’s shirts to thrown on over a pair of panties. you’re oblivious to the fact that this combination makes jason go absolutely buck wild. somehow you’ve never made the connection. but more than once he’s found you sprawled across the couch, watching tv, and ended up going down on you. his head nestled between your thighs as you grip his raven locks. his hands are fisted into the loose fabric of his shirt that you’re wearing. he’s not satisfied until your legs are shaking, your moans intermingling with the wet, borderline pornographic, sounds that he’s creating with his mouth on your clit. he never lets you get him back either, even though you know he was grinding his crotch against the couch, chasing that sweet friction and release along with you. but he always just sits you atop his lap after, kissing your cheek as he brushes your hair out of your face. grips your thigh as he makes a comment about the show playing, your panties long forgotten on the floor.

underwear

you never get very far wearing a pair of your boyfriend’s boxers. for one, they’re pretty loose on you, so you have to roll the waistband a couple times, which just gives jason a prime view of your ass. they also just make it so easy for him to get his hand down the front, his strong fingers expertly finding your clit like he’s memorized a map of your body. which, in some ways, he has. it’s not long before you’ve come, once, twice, almost a third time, and he’s pulling his own boxers off to free his stiff cock. it points out, the tip leaking, and you’re opening your legs wider without even realizing it. he grabs your waist, sliding you closer to the edge of the bed, making sure you’re ready before he slides in, burying himself in you. he bottoms out, and you’re throwing your head back, a third orgasm threatening to crest as he starts up a rhythm. the muscles of his stomach ripple as he thrusts in and out. one of his hands is on your waist, the other slowly snaking its way back down to your clit. your toes curl at the feel of his calloused thumb rubbing circles on that sensitive bundle of nerves. he’s groaning, low in his throat, at the way you look on his cock. it never gets old for him, ever. the way your cheeks flush, how adorable your blown out pupils are when you look up at him. your wet lashes, your messy hair. your entrance clenches around his cock as you come a third time, your hands gripping the bed sheets. jason comes along with you, groaning loudly as he paints your insides with white ropes of cum. he pulls out, wetting a washcloth in the bathroom. the wet, warm fabric feels like heaven against your sensitive folds, your boyfriend wiping away the mixture of fluids between your legs. you feel pleasantly boneless, sinking into the pillows at the head of the bed. your boyfriend cleans himself up after, settling into bed next to you. jason wraps his strong arms around you, and it’s better than any clothes you might steal. but what you don’t know, is that he’d let you steal his clothes anytime.

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lazylittledragon · 5 months

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I feel like for Dorian and Astarion to become parents it would have to be an accident. Like, dorian finding it in the trash or some magical nonsense they find making one pop out of thin air. both of which I imagined seeing your funny comic XD (your art is precious by the way)

oh 100%, i was thinking today that they probably wouldn’t try and have one on purpose but maybe after several decades of therapy it wouldn’t be a nightmare if it happened unintentionally

anyway i pulled this out of somewhere and i hate it

#ramble #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #tavstarion #the idea of them accidentally conjuring a person somehow is very funny #i regret starting this as a joke because now i’m invested #although iirc neil newbon said he thinks he’d have children and i feel like i trust him #also before you say this is too mean. did you play the game

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a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 10 months

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More random Nimona headcanons

Bal is one of those people who isn’t allergic to anything except one random medication that no one uses

Ambrosius calls him a lucky bastard every time it’s brought up because he’s allergic to everything

His allergy list is at least three pages long and he doesn’t remember a single thing on that list

Whenever they go out to eat Bal has to remind him “No you can’t eat that it has olives” “Not that either love it’s got lemon” and so on

Most of his allergic reactions are pretty tame so he’ll eat it anyway

And it gives Bal and Nimona so much fucking anxiety

One time Bal walked in on Nimona chasing Ambrosius around the kitchen yelling “Spit out the carrots Nemesis you don’t even like them that much!!”

Whenever he eats alone he refers to it as a game of Russian roulette

Bal refers to it as the reason he has high blood pressure

Because Bal and Ambrosius grew up in the limelight (for very different reasons) there are a million pictures of them through the years

And they use those videos to bully the hell out of each other

Bal can quote the video from the beginning of the movie not because it was an important moment in his childhood

But because Ambrosius will quote it at the most random times throughout the day

Bal will do something small like kill a bug or chase out an animal that Nimona brought in

And he’ll hear Ambrosius mumble “I’m here to slay monsters and protect our kingdom”

He was a little worried Nimona would react badly to this habit but he started joining in

One time he killed a spider and Ambrosius asks “Are you slaying monsters moonbeam?” Nimona yells from the other room “I’m so proud of him he’s truly protecting our kingdom”

There are a million photos of baby Ambrosius on the internet

And Bal made a PowerPoint presentation ranking their cuteness factor out of 10 (100 was the lowest score he got and it was a picture of him with the ugliest bowl cut you’ve ever seen)

And made Ambrosius sit through it

That was the most loved and mortified he had felt in a long time

Nimona uses low-quality pictures of them as reaction photos

There have been times when Nimona asks “Can we eat out tonight” and Bal tells her no and she sends him this

He’ll text back “Is that my fucking wanted poster?!”

She asked Ambrosius if there was any ice cream left and he said no he expected her to call him and complain he didn’t expect this

He calls her yelling “When the fuck did that happen?!”

And she hangs up immediately to let Bal deal with it

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onlyhereforangst · 2 years

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fuck this handmaids tale country.

#abortion laws #abortion rights #roe v wade #I’m shaking with rage you don’t understand #roe v wade overturned #us supreme court #a bunch off ass backwards thinking jokes #fuck those who voted for this #fuck you trump and senate and house for barrett

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juniper-clan · 4 days

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Moon 19: Les Yeux San Visage

PREVIOUS l NEXT

#warrior cats #clangen #warriors oc #wc #wc oc #jcmoons #I. not fully back but this has been rotting in my files and I finally finished it at almost 4 am because I cannot sleep #and I’m hoping to take it easier on myself moving forward because I love these characters and still think about them every day I #I am not joking #if you guys are ever genuinely worried if I’m okay my main blog is semi active depending on how busy I am #scopohobia tw #tw eye contact

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vinelark · 2 months

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i don’t remember if i ever shared this here, but a while ago i posted a little twitter thread about bats and gas station snacks and some very talented podficcers made a podfic of it! 🎧

[podfic] Jersey Vigilantes Don't Pump Gas by isweedan & reena_jenkins

original thread (text under the cut):

nested tweet reading: ever since i learned gotham is supposed to be in new jersey i can’t get this concept out of my head: [a badly drawn bumper sticker that says “jersey vigilantes don’t pump gas”] / quote tweet reading: the batmobile can’t just slip in and out of a gas station unnoticed. an employee HAS to go fill up the tank. meanwhile the tired night shift cashier knows the various robin eras because they come in to buy different snacks as time goes on.

one night while the manager is out filling *the literal batmobile* the cashier blinks and comes face to face with a child in a leotard and green boots, buying a pack of twizzlers. “thanks!” the first robin calls, somehow vaulting over two rows of shelves on his way out the door.

years later, after a stretch of quiet weeks, a new, curly-haired robin comes in and grabs a bag of flamin hot pepper puffs. the cashier doesn’t even think robin 2 actually likes them, but he looks really satisfied with himself every time he drops them on the counter.

(even after the second robin abruptly stops coming in, the cashier keeps slipping flamin hot pepper puffs onto their order list. no one else ever buys them, but it just—feels like the thing to do, somehow.)

a stretch of months without a robin, oddly tense. then the third robin appears, even smaller than the first two. he slips inside and buys a cup of black coffee and drains it in one go right at the coffee station, nervously eyeing the door like he’s afraid he’ll be caught.

the fourth robin, when she shows up, makes a beeline for the protein bars. finally, the cashier thinks, someone remotely sensible for this line of work. (though maybe not sensible enough—or maybe TOO sensible—because small caffeine robin is back a few months later.)

the fifth robin, when he first appears, approaches the counter. “you will direct me to the best snacks new jersey has to offer,” he tells the cashier.

“uh,” the cashier says. “i like sour patch kids, myself.”

robin 5 nods. “i will take a bag of sour patch children.”

(one night, not much later, red hood strolls through the door. the cashier has lived in gotham for over a decade now; they barely blink, even when nightwing bounds in after him.

“oh, shit, flamin hot pepper puffs,” red hood says. “i haven’t had these in ages.”

“aw, come on,” nightwing says, already holding a pack of twizzlers. “no one else can stand those.”

“why do you think i got them in the first place, dickhead?” red hood says. “to fend off new jersey’s number one snack thief.” and he buys buys every bag in stock.)

#feat. my own terrible art drawn in the notes app of a decade-old ipad #the joke being that you can’t pump your own gas in new jersey #which i’m sure has been joked about plenty before #anyway the podfic is a delight and every once in a while i remember about it and re-listen for a giggle #batfam #my fic #OBVIOUSLY BRUCE HAS HIS OWN GAS PUMP IN THE CAVE #or the batmobile runs on solar (because it’s sustainable and discreet NOT because superman thinks that’s cool)#but: imagine.

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nightlocked-in · 20 days

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“peeta is bisexual” you guys are losing the vision. peeta isn’t even straight. katniss INVENTED sexuality for him. whatever katniss identifies as, he’s like “yeah, i’ll take that one” no questions asked

#katnissexual #i’m joking btw #and i agree with yall #he says you’ve ruined all other women for me #yeah twink we know #the hunger games #katniss everdeen #thg #nightlocked-in #everlark #peeta mellark #hunger games headcanon #hunger games incorrect quotes #thg incorrect quotes #bisexual peeta #peeta what’s your sexuality?#idk #what do u mean u don’t know #i’ve never thought about it #well i mean… do you like guys? do u like girls?#he thinks for a second…. girl #just one #katniss he says #i’m convinced in modern au’s when he’s dating someone else he just pictures katniss when fucking and then feels horribly guilty for it later #peeta why don’t you look at me during sex?#huh? oh glimmer uh… i just get distracted by how uh… good it feels. yeah that haha #katniss was his first love in every thing and not only was she his first love she was his ONLY love #so he’s never even considered being attracted to girls besides her #so when he tries to date he finds girls that are objectively attractive but on a scale of 1 to katniss they are still 1’s to him #and that never stops being a problem

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mo-mode · 4 months

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Okay but the camper in the wheelchair either has a super tricked out celestial-bronze plated magical flying wheelchair with wings gifted by Hermes himself, or Chiron just gave zero shits about how inaccessible the outside world is because there is no way she’d survive a cross-country road trip while being chased by monsters in a normal wheelchair. If they offered me up for a quest like that, I would have wheelied my ass tf out of there. She chose a long-range weapon for a REASON

If the wheelchair IS tricked out, however, then I require a scene where her magical chariot-wheelchair hybrid flies her up above the big battle as she takes out monsters with flaming arrows, or the show is ableist. I don’t make the rules—

#i have not stopped thinking about this #like if it’s a normal wheelchair then Chiron’s feeding her to the wolves #but if it’s a MAGICAL wheelchair then we’re being robbed of quality magical wheelchair content #me watching Chiron offer her up for a quest like WHO PUT MY GIRL THERE STOP BRINGING HER INTO SHIT SHE DOESNT DESERVE THIS #reblog for magical flying wheelchair #my theory is the Hephaestus cabin made it for her #do you think the Hephaestus cabin made Chiron’s too? I think I’m onto something #the ableism is a joke btw obv #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo tv show #percy jackson tv show #pjo spoilers #percy jackson the lightning thief #pjo series

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iconsumethesoulsofthedamned · 2 months

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I relate to Will Graham because I too am being gutted (period cramps) and I too am crying on the floor bleeding out.

#you’d think that I’m joking #but here’s the thing #I have an extremely high pain tolerance it’s not even funny #I got my foot slammed in a door today so hard it took off my shoe and I barely made a sound and then went on with my day #I am literally crying over this right now it feels like I’m dying #if you tell me I have endometriosis or I need to get it checked out ur prolly right but I don’t have the time #it’s 7:05 in baltimore marylin baby #will graham #mizumono #hannibal nbc #hannibal #hannibal fandom #period cramps

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insignificant457 · 4 days

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There is a nebulous jordie lives au which lives entirely in my head in which jordie recovers from the plague while Kaz is still sick. He gets up to find them food and water only to return and discover Kaz is nowhere to be found. Still recovering from the fever, he searches the barrel for days before he finally sees Kaz wandering down the staves in a sort of fugue state, soaked to the bone with a haunted look in his eyes.

Kaz won’t tell him what happened, but jordie knows it’s bad because his baby brother flinches every time he touches him, and soon enough he’s started wearing gloves, even in the height of summer.

Soon, they discover kazs gift for cards, and it keeps them fed and clothed, if not much else. Kaz is angry at jordie for losing the money, refuses to let him make any decisions. Jordie is beholden to his angry traumatized little brother because he can’t deny that he failed them the first time around.

Kaz is offered a place in his pick of the gangs, but the only one willing to take both him and his tag along older brother is the dregs. Jordie dies a little bit inside when they join up, when they take the tattoo side by side, but he’s not sure they’ll survive another winter on the streets.

And the plot of SoC generally goes on from there. Jordie tags along on the ice court, he and Jesper test kazs patience at every turn, he’s constantly offering unsolicited annoying older brother advice about Inej.

This lends itself to a really interesting exploration of Kaz and jordies relationship, what holds brothers together in the face of incredible trauma, the skewed power dynamic of Kaz becoming the breadwinner for them both at the age of nine, etc etc. But mostly, this au is a vessel for the sailing of the ultimate crack ship, which is of course, jordie/alys Van Eck.

#grishaverse #six of crows #jordie rietveld #kaz brekker #sorry. but I must speak my truth.#idk I’m hugely compelled by the idea of barrel boy jordie and sheltered housewife alys falling madly in love.#Kaz is trying to scheme them out of this whole mess and jordies like hey. do you think it would be okay to kidnap her again. like morally.#it’s just that I’ve thought of some really good jokes that I think she’d like. and Kaz (who has had negative sleep) just glares at him #also Kaz becoming uncle Kaz to Van Ecks new heir? truly the comeuppance Van Eck deserves #also yeah obviously the kaz jordie angst of this au compels me but make no mistake. it’s about jordie/alys #again. sorry.

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hijinxinprogress · 2 months

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YJ is not allowed on social media

Most capes have like an official hero social bc people just leave comments like ‘captain colds out again no class?? 👀’ instead of flagging down a hero or getting the police to get the nearest hero so most crimes are discovered through viral videos

And yj decides that they need to be on social media so they make ig and tiktok accounts which somehow led to them running a smear campaign against Lex while he was running for president

it’s mostly videos of Cassie in a superman onesie flying around pretending to save damsel in distress!Kon while Bart in an ill fitting bald cap is sitting behind a desk clearly made of cardboard as he mutters about how he’ll show everyone the truth and petting a picture of a cat with drawn on angry eyebrows then the video cuts to Bart way too close to the camera saying ‘A vote for Lex Luthor is a vote against happiness’ then the video ends with Cassie in the same superman onesie with a lightning bolt taped to the front of it claiming ‘this message was endorsed by captain marvel’ [a week later captain marvel makes a posts responding to the video in a captain marvel onesie reaffirming Cassie’s claim]

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un-pearable · 1 year

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so sonic prime part 2 is looking great

come on wildbrain. TWO multiverses??? (cross-fandom context: sonic prime and ninjago are produced by the same studio. ninjago just revealed it’s latest season is ALSO about multiverse stuff. shenanigans abound.)

#also i just think everyone needs a cowboy sonic au. i KNOW it was the one people made the most jokes about back when prime dropped #art✨#ninjago #ninjago dragons rising #sonic #sonic prime #nya ninjago #kai ninjago #zane ninjago #lloyd garmadon #cole ninjago #jay walker #<- sry i know it’s clunky but for personal tag sorting (helps me see all my character art)#originally drafted this back when prime dropped and the joke was that he looked up and saw the ninjago logo in the sky like the lego movie #this joke is so much funnier i’m glad i waited. ALRIGHT which one of you color coded protagonists broke the universe *NOW??*

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