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randomizen00217 · 1 year

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Skz Maknae Line Smut Situations – Both Sub and Dom SKZ situations

Here is the Maknae Line version of the SKZ Hyung Line Smut Situations. Sorry for the long wait. If you're new here, here's some situations to use for masturbation inspiration or something (like as jump-off points for fanfics). You can choose to imagine them as having either idol! skz or non-idol skz (except for the last one, which is non-idol). As always, this is all fiction. These situations are gender neutral. Let's begin:

Jisung

Sub: Imagine that you are Jisung's music producer significant other and he has this one particular fantasy of you edging him in the recording room. (Edging refers to stopping yourself or another person from reaching orgasm when the orgasm is about to orgasm.) Today, you decide to make that fantasy come true. While he's being edged, you are recording his sounds and moans. To rile him up a little and work with his fantasy, you tell him that if he's not a good boy, you will add his moans to the next Skz title track. He cums a lot because he hasn't masturbated or had sex in the last few weeks because of busyness.

Dom: This also involves edging. Imagine playing hide and seek with certain people including Jisung at the SKZ dorm. You get to choose who these people are. I personally think this situation works best if the certain people are skz members. Jisung finds you hiding in the cabinet. He's still angry at you because earlier that day, you won a board game through cheating (leading him to pay for the extremely expensive lunch for everybody). He challenges you to not make a sound while he edges you. You cockily accept this challenge. In the end, you were not caught but you ended up panting and sweaty. In the end, Jisung decides you need rest and aftercare, so he makes an excuse for the both of you and takes you to a private hotel where he dotes on you.

Felix

Sub: Imagine whipping (consensually of course) Felix while he's in Shibari. For a twist to usual sub/dom norms, you use your genitals to pleasure both you and Felix. If you have a vagina, you can challenge Felix to fuck you well while he's in Shibari. If you have a penis, you can jerk both dicks (your dick and Felix's dick) together. If anal is more your thing, you can ask him to fuck you in the ass.

Dom: Imagine rough sex with Masked Felix. Let's say Felix takes notice that you find a certain monster attractive, so on Halloween night, he decides to wear a mask while domming you. It was a wonderful experience. Cutest and sexiest monster Felix for the win!

Seungmin

Sub: Forbidden sex with college student Seungmin. Imagine you are a very intelligent college professor who became a professor very young due to your intelligence. You are teaching Seungmin (who is slightly younger than you). There was a sexual tension between you and Seungmin. That being said, both of you know that sex is forbidden between the two of you based on the university's rules. That being said, Seungmin convinces you to dig into your desires in secret. He comes to your house for his sessions. To the outside world, he is stern honor student Kim Seungmin, but to you, he is your beloved sub and doting boyfriend.

Dom: Imagine you're a college student who lacks motivation because no matter how hard you study, you can't understand lessons in Kim Seungmin's class. It doesn't help that Seungmin himself is so sexy you just end up staring at him instead of focusing. Faced with no other option after failing a couple of quizzes, you decide to come to his house for help. While he does help you understand his lessons the "normal" way, he does have sex as your dominant from time to time. One of his favorite things to do is make you answer a bunch of questions in a row. If you get all of them right, he lets you cum as much you like. If you get even one of them wrong, you're in for a night of edging where he'll only allow you to cum at the very end.

I.N.

Sub: Ok, this one's gonna be omegaverse. Imagine your younger sibling is best friends with omega Jeongin. One day, Jeongin goes into heat. Your alpha self and Jeongin have loads of sex. While you and Jeongin know alpha and omega pairing has nothing to do with social positions like friendship and family situations, there's a forbidden love aspect as you both know your sibling would be terrified if they found out you were Jeongin's alpha.

Dom: Maknae on top situation. Imagine this is before or after the pandemic. A group of three cute-looking boys (who seem to be friends) you just met ask if you'd like to participate in their foursome. You wouldn't usually do this but the boys' and their cockiness seem promising. It helps that all three boys are handsome and surprisingly polite. They take you to Jeongin's house. You discover that Jeongin is the leader of this group of boys (despite being the youngest of the boys) and mostly directs the foursome. While all boys are great at fucking, Jeongin remains the best at fucking out of them all. Who knew having sex with three boys you just met could feel so good?

#stray kids smut #sub stray kids smut #sub stray kids #dom stray kids #han jisung smut #lee felix smut #kim seungmin smut #seungmin smut #jisung smut #felix smut #jeongin smut #skz hard thoughts #skz hard hours #skz hard imagines

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sagittariusmars2 · 1 year

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(Left to right) 18+ what people think of you

Pile 1:

I see that people think ur really good in bed, people think that you could be too good because u make people catch feelings. Some people may think ur toxic because u can be detached emotionally from people u sleep with or defensive, people think that you hide ur feelings or that ur sneaky. People are still very attracted to u even though they think u have faults, I’m getting that some people are even more attracted to u because of those faults. People think ur overwhelming & u stay on people’s mind a lot. People think u have a nice butt & ur good at oral, alit of people daydream about what you would do them sexually. Signs: Gemini/Capricorn, initials: W, E, A, H

Pile 2

I see that people think ur very abundant & they think they could increase their status by being with you, people think you’re very secure & confident. I see that people feel like you are the whole package, alot of people see themselves marrying u/having a family. I see people think you have a big dick or amazing pussy, people are obsessed with how good u are in bed but some may try to sleep with you because they think they’ll get something out of it. I see alot of people enjoy giving you oral or they admire ur genitals, I also see that you may attract people that want to have a threesome with you. I’m getting that you attract multiple people & people could tell that u have alot of suitors/admirers because of how attractive u are, you may attract both genders. A lot of people see u as dominant and fantasize about you dominating them sexually, people naturally wanna submit to you. Signs: Gemini, Capricorn, Taurus. initials: H, K, L, A, O, M

Pile 3

I see that people think you can be confusing or secretive, people think that you can be manipulative to get what u want but people accept it because they don’t want u out their life. Some of ur sexual partners may feel left out in the cold by you & they didn’t see it coming, people feel like you’re great in bed and u always make ur partners cum. People think you’re a good friend & lover so it’s hard not to catch feelings for u, people feel like you would be a great partner in a relationship. People love having sex with you because it feels euphoric, spiritual, or healing and I see that you could have a high sex drive or ur experienced sexually/good with ur hands. People think that you may need more than one person to please u because of all ur sexual energy, I see that people think you may not want a relationship because one person wouldn’t be enough. People think u have pretty genitals and they like to admire/touch it. Signs: Gemini, Aries, Capricorn, Virgo. Initials: U, Q, F, A, J, N, L, C

Pile 4

I see that people see a lot of potential in you for a long term connection, people think that you’re looking for something serious/traditional. People think ur mature & it would take alot of work to please u, people think you’re really experienced sexually and you don’t just sleep with anyone. People think ur pussy/dick is magical & anyone would be lucky to sleep with you, people think that they have be on ur level in every way to approach you. I see that u make people wanna better themselves so they can approach you, you intimidate others. People think about what a future with you would e like, people think that you would tire them out in the bedroom. People think that it would be terrible if you left them, they would be willing to fight for you because they feel like you would complete them. People think ur intuitive & you know how to please ur partner’s perfectly, people think you can make them cum easily or a lot. People want to submit to and please you, I see that people fantasize about tasting you. People think that your dick/pussy would feel so good, people think that ur really kinky or ur into unusual kinks. People think you have a nice chest or nipples & people want to play with them. Signs: Gemini, libra, Sagittarius. Initials: L, T, C, Q, S

Please watch my 18+ Cancer love reading on YouTube, personal readings always available

youtube

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avonne-writes · 1 year

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Love Under The Sea

(NSFW headcanons for my merman AU)

Culture

Love is important to merpeople. They’re generally monogamous once they establish a courtship. If there is no courting involved, it's not frowned upon to have more than one partner.

A courtship consists of several rituals. Collecting shells for the other, giving gifts, sharing intimate touches (e.g. rubbing fins together), feeding each other and wearing specific beads/other accessories in their hair.

Lip-on-lip kissing is considered kinky. They usually stick to closed-lipped kisses on other body parts, like the cheek. Touching someone's neck with your lips is either threatening or it's a show of trust, depending on context. It's because merpeople have razor sharp teeth.

To propose, one has to give their partner a moon- or a sun-related gift and ask if they want to tie their lives together.

This is because merpeople believe the Moon and the Sun are two gods fighting over the sea, pulling it back and forth as the tides change.

So, one can have a moon- or a sun-marriage. The proposal gift is usually something simple like a gemstone, but some mers get more creative.

They have their own wedding rituals and recognize marriage between two adults. Once married, mers wear a specific type of earring/earcuff.

Besides courtship and marriage, casual relationships between young adults are not only prevalent, but encouraged because their society believes it's a way to learn how to bond with others.

Some mers are referred to a soul-healer if they don't manage to form enough casual relationships.

Same-sex relationships are accepted as equal.

Almost all mers have non-heterosexual experiences since it's considered a casual, friendly bonding activity for young adults.

They're open about sexual attraction because 1) it's almost impossible to hide arousal for males (see more below) and 2) casual sex is considered normal.

But! They're very private about romantic attraction until the first few steps of courtship are successful.

When it comes to sex, they have more limited options for poses, which they make up for with sex toys. Bondage is also quite standard (easier to enjoy things if you don't float away...). Handjobs/fingering are the most popular activities.

On the other hand, blowjobs are considered very kinky and dangerous if not done right due to the sharp teeth.

Anatomy

Based on my "thorough research" of cetacean reproduction...

In mer form, mermen have an anus and a genital slit on the front side of their bodies.

Their penis is retracted when they're not aroused and it only extends when it's hard. Their balls are not accessible. The penis looks like a normal human penis, but it's much harder than a human one (needs to work underwater).

Mermaids also have only one slit (that branches off internally) and an anus.

Mermen produce a large quantity of semen (necessary for successful reproduction underwater).

Mermaids breastfeed and usually give birth swimming, because it's said to be healthier and less painful.

What about mer!Aemond in particular?

He was one of those poor mers who were forced to attend soul-healer sessions, to no avail. Being casual about anything is not his forte.

He loves the sun but rarely ever sees it because he avoids The Land.

He wants a sun-marriage. His parents have a moon-marriage and it's miserable, he thinks he'll be better off turning towards the sun.

He exchanged a few handjobs with both mermen and mermaids, but he never had a blowjob and never had sex in human form. He has never been penetrated, but he did go all the way with Alys a few times.

Seeing a cock go from soft to hard turns him on because it's such an exotic sight to him, to see a soft cock. Balls too.

He has never had a courtship but desperately wants one no matter how he denies it to himself.

He has never been kissed on the lips.

He daydreams about kissing someone's neck not to threaten their lives but to have proof of how much they love and trust him.

#lucemond #aemond targaryen #my writing #merman-au #these are my current headcanons #the important ones will be featured in the story too of course

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spiffyflypie · 4 months

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starting to suspect that a lot of cishet people just arent attracted to each other

not only is there that thing where cishet men seem to hate everything fun and real about a cishet woman (body hair, rolls, tummy, sagging breasts, genitalia that aren't a certain way)

but ive also noticed a thing where cishet women aren't attracted to cishet men either, and treating sex as a thing they have to put up with/something that cishet men "naturally" want more than cishet women. there's the idea that cishet women think penises "look like thumbs" and find balls unattractive.

maybe you specifically just aren't that into cishet men? you don't have to tolerate mid sex with people you aren't into! you don't have to have sex with anybody at all, or you can find someone you're genuinely attracted to to have sex with!

no genitals are uglier/less worthy of attraction than any other

and whats sad is i Know there's cishet people who love each other's bodies, but the ones who don't treat it as this universal thing, and this idea has spread into larger cultural zeitgeists

when you've seen how hungry and reverent queer people can be for each other, how can you accept begrudging tolerance in your sexual relationships?

maybe being t4t has spoiled me but cishet people do you even like each other's bodies???

#i just saw a reddit post where this girls boyfriend said her pussy was ugly #which is abhorrent #but then people in the comments were like #thats rich coming from someone with a penis #as if penises are somehow all ugly #and even a cishet man was saying he loved his penis but acknowleged it as objectively ugly #excuse me sir but theres thousands of people who find penises beautiful

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radkindoffeminist · 2 years

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TRA logic makes a lot more sense when you realise that the reason they hate definitions of words is because they see every aspect of themselves as a quirky personality traits rather than a simple fact about themselves and how they exist in this world.

TRAs say that women = adult human females is wrong because it reduces us to our sex organs, but that only makes sense because they think being a woman is femininity and makeup and gossiping and every other misogynistic stereotype in the book. It’s a personality trait and they’re not women because they don’t relate to those traits so they must think we do the same: reduce women down to our definitions and see them as nothing more than that which, in this case, would be walking vaginas. Why do you think that they make comments about how trans women are ‘better women’ than us and focus so heavily on their femininity and them passing? Because they see womanhood as abiding by a set of rules and conforming to a certain look/style and not just existing as an adult human female and that’s exactly what a lot of trans women do and think about womanhood.

Then there’s being gay/bi which they so obviously see as a fun, quirky, and progressive trait. It’s not about the sexual attraction which you experience but simply which label and identity you relate most too which how we end up with straight people identifying as something else (normally bi/pan and then dating the opposite sex exclusively) because it’s fun and also why some women identify as lesbians despite not being exclusively attracted to other women (like ‘bi lesbians’ or ‘lesbians’ who still sleep with men but just don’t date them). So when people come along and say that lesbian means liking women only and bisexual means liking both sexes, they see that as an invalidation of their entire identity and and ignoring everything that ‘makes’ them bi/gay (ie: how they relate to bi/gay culture). It’s the same reason why they hate the ‘boring gay people’ who they call ‘basically straight’: they can’t accept or understand the idea that someone’s sexuality doesn’t determine their entire personality and likes and dislikes and that they can just be a normal person who happens to be gay.

To them, everything adds to their personality and nothing can just be a fact about their existence. They’re NB because they’re androgynous or don’t relate to womanhood (mostly not liking being oppressed). They’re women because they’re feminine or men because they’re masculine. They’re gay because they’re quirky and colourful and have always felt like their weird person or slightly outcast. And even neurodivergency is starting to see the same thing: people relating to ADHD stuff because they’re forgetful and have poor time management; people labelling every single normal human behaviour as being ND to explain why they do some stuff and think they’re quirky for it (where’s that post that’s like ‘other people don’t have songs replaying in their head all day on repeat’ and then someone’s like ‘actually yeah they do’?). Nothing about them can just be a thing; every label comes with a bunch of traits and every trait can be matched to a label.

So when we come along and say womanhood means being female, gay/lesbian means same sex attracted, and bi means attracted to both sexes then they see this as invalidating basically their whole personality. And they see it as us doing the same: because we don’t relate these groups to personality traits, we therefore see only these traits. A woman can’t be a whole person but a walking vagina. A gay person can’t be a whole person but someone who obsesses over others’ genitals. And that’s their homophobia and misogyny showing.

#my rants

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ladylibido · 2 years

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How To Know If Your Sex Content Is Safe

When it comes to those of us that produce Sexually Explicit content, in a world with growing restrictions, it's more important than ever to understand certain terminology that will help you determine if your work is safe on any given platform. To help you understand how to read content policies on websites and not be duped by false promises, I'm going to break down some terms and phrases and exactly what to expect out of them.

First it is important to know there is a real difference between the terms Suggestive and Explicit. These two terms are not interchangeable, especially when it comes to content policies and legal jargon. There is also a difference between Mature and Adult.

Sexually Suggestive means that sex might or could happen, but is not explicitly happening at that point in time. Nude and cuddling but not engaged in any obvious sex acts. Taking off clothes or putting hands under clothes but not making any sexual activity visible. One person bent over the other person but no visible penetration. Any entanglement of bodies that look like genitals could be touching but you can't see it. Dressing and presenting in a sexually provocative manner. These are all suggestive.

Explicit means "fully and clearly expressed or demonstrated; leaving nothing merely implied;" If you cannot deny what is happening in front of you, it is Explicit, if you can argue that it is not happening otherwise, it is Implied or Suggestive. If that is an erect penis clearly being thrust inside someone's vagina or anus, that is no longer suggestive, that is explicit. And sexual activity that is explicit, is also considered, pornographic.

A person with an unknown white substance on their face can successfully be argued that it is yogurt or glaze or conditioner or any other substance. But you can also typically guess it potentially implies something else. This is what Suggestive means. A person with white substance on their face that is clearly being seen ejaculated from a very obvious penis cannot be argued to be anything else. This is what Explicit means.

Cock Waffle is suggestive, A blowjob is explicit.

Mature and Adult are also very similar. Mature certainly means an older audience, but that doesn't always mean adult specifically. In some places it might but you cannot consider this term a safe one. DeviantArt's Mature Content Policy allows for about the same level of sexuality that tumblr allows, but still does not permit

Erotic and Pornographic have the same Dichotomy but are both more overtly leaning in the sexual category than the former two words. Everything Mature can be applied to Erotic, and everything Adult can be applied to Pornographic.

That all aside, what actually is the difference between Mature/Erotic and Adult/Pornographic? Since some sexuality is permitted in both, where is the line drawn?

In the US, most things deemed sexually explicit are:

Explicit penetration of genitals or anus

Visible aroused genitalia such as an erect penis or flushed vulva. Also presentation of genitals such as spreading the vulva or anus.

Sex acts including but not limited to, contact to genitals with hands, contact to genitals with mouth, contact with genitals to genitals.

Sexual fluids either on the genitals or partner.

Sex Toys.

A flaccid penis is considered Mature, an Erect penis is considered, Adult. The first example is what tumblr allows, the second is what is not allowed.

So when going through a TOS or AUP or content guide, these are the terms you want to look for, to ensure sexually explicit work is permitted:

Adult: Depending on the context, in most cases Adult in the context of a TOS means to suggest topics that only adults should engage with and is a hard 18+ rating. Places that list themselves as adult or accepting adult content, typically allow sexually explicit material.

Pornographic: We know what porn is, if something is pornographic it is porn-like. This is the most explicit and clear term that says exactly what it means with no room for confusion. That being said, some services will define Pornographic as being photographs/videos of real people only, and will consider Illustration to be Adult or Explicit. If that's the case they will (or at least should) define that in their terms.

Explicit: This word when specifically paired with Sexual, as in Sexually Explicit, means that the use of sex in the explicit sense, as described in my example above is permitted. If they say they allow sexually explicit, you're good.

If it does not make any mention of these terms and gives no definition for where they draw the line, then assume they only allow the level of Suggestive/Mature/Erotic, and not Explicit/Adult/Pornographic.

NSFW is a useless acronym in determining if sexually explicit content is permitted.

Not Safe For Work (NSFW) only means that, a topic or subject is not safe to be viewed in the work environment. This can apply to drugs, alcohol, hostile behavior, criminal behavior, swearing, violence, nudity, and yes, pornographic content. Because of its massive range, a site proclaiming itself to be a 'NSFW platform', means nothing, only that it might not be safe to browse at work. It could host any level of those aforementioned topics but still not permit sexually explicit material.

As much as I wish content policies would be more clear in where they draw the line, they often aren't, so it's up to you to know what you're looking at to ensure you're not banned off a platform. Which is awful no question about it, but that's the unfortunate state of things. Hopefully with this clearly laid out explanation it will be easier to navigate.

#internet policies #policies #legal jargon

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motsimages · 1 year

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I'm going to make discourse on probably one of the silliest things ever but that is also kind of important to know: oomox is sex.

I've seen people commenting my post on Quark and Jadzia fucking with different takes and different takes are ok except when people imply that oomox is not sex.

I mean comments like "I don't think they fuck but maybe some casual oomox while playing Tongo".

There are 2 things to say:

First: We are viewing Ferengi with human eyes. Ferengi don't seem to have the social restrictions that prevent them from fucking in front of other people. Nog asks the human scientist in Little Green Men to touch his ears in front of his father and then his father wants to copy it. Sure the human doesn't know what she is doing but the father and the son and the uncle do.

There is they layer of using oomox to get what you want from a Ferengi but it is also something they enjoy for the sake of it. Whenever Quark is making profitable plans, he touches his ear with a gesture of pleasure. In public. In his bar. This doesn't mean it's not sex. It means that they are ok with sex out in the open. This also doesn't mean that they don't do other things as well.

Second: SEX IS NOT ONLY GENITALS AGAINST EACH OTHER OR NUDITY. Sex, even only amongst humans, doesn't necessarily involve coitus. It can be conversations, it can be kissing, it can be touching, yes it can be genital and it all can happen while fully clothed.

Sometimes people make out in the street. Usually, one kiss is socially ok to do in front of other people, but if you want to go for it and really make out, it's not polite, there is the social taboo. Touching your partner's ass may be ok to do amongst friends or in the street, but fully rubbing and grabbing for a while is not.

These two things are sexual behaviours. They may or may not lead to fucking but they enter the category "sex". If you are amongst like-minded individuals in, say, a swinger's club, they are ok to do in public.

Let's say that making out is the equivalent to oomox. Oomox is still something the Ferengi do freely in front of other people in a way humans don't, even though often it is seen in private scenes. Oomox gives extreme pleasure to a Ferengi, the same way some caresses, licking, slapping or whatever other human thing you do that gets you extreme pleasure but it's not related to genitals.

Whether it's playfully or to manipulate a Ferengi, the result is that oomox is socially accepted amongst Ferengi, and other aliens just see it as ok and non-sexual because it doesn't openly involve genitals. If humans saw it the same way they see touching your partners boobs in public, things would be different. But humans see an ear and for some reason, Quark's orgasm from ear-touching passes flying human heads as "non-sexual". And because it happens that way, it becomes "not fucking".

But aren't they? Depends on how you define "fucking"? If "fucking" is "sex", they are. If "fucking" is only genital related, they are not (that we see, on screen). Did Dax and Worf fuck in the same episode Quark and Grilka do? We only see them severly battered and fully clothed. It is obvious that they had sex the Klingon way but if they never get undressed, does it count as fucking? Why? or Why not? (I am not answering this, this is for you to think about).

It is important to me to make this post because it really shows the way people see sex. Many of you really think that sex is fucking and that fucking involves genitals. Sex is wider and has more things around it than just that. Your sexual life and your personal life will improve if you accept this and work towards a sex life outside of your genitals too. I have spoken about sex ed in my blog (unfortunately, I didn't tag well so who knows where some of those posts are, some I found are under the tag #mots speaks sex, but there used to be more) and I keep doing it sometimes (like this one) to bring out another perspective so people learn more about what sex entails.

#mots speaks sex #star trek #star trek: ds9 #Ferengi #oomox #sex speaks

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johannestevans · 1 year

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CW: Mentioned history of childhood sexual assault, major body dysmorphia, and possible body dysphoria.

———

Hi!

I just wanted to say a HUGE thank-you for writing your piece “Ringing The Devil’s Doorbell: A Light-Hearted, Practical Guide”.

I’m a transmasc/genderqueer/still-kinda-questioning AFAB SA survivor, and I’ve been hugely uncomfortable with my body, genitalia, gender identity, and sexuality since I was 8 (10 whole years!). I’m in therapy for it, but obviously a lot of the work on my self-image etc. needs to be done internally, and not one of the thousands of articles online (few of which acknowledge trauma, and *all* of which are aimed at cishet women) explaining how to get comfortable with your body and how to masturbate has ever helped me, until now.

“Ringing The Devil’s Doorbell” (man, I can’t tell you how much I love that phrase! 😄) is so friendly, fun, accessible, informative, judgement-free, well-written, and deeply sensitive, and actually *explains* in detail how vulval and vaginal anatomy and pleasure works without any of the squeamishness, overly gendered language, or cis-heteronormative assumptions that made me feel so uncomfortable and alienated trying to read other articles on the topic. Reading your article I actually felt *positivity* about my genitals for the first time since I can remember; like “I’m okay having this as a part of my body, if I can think about it like this. I can actually be *okay* with living in a body that looks and feels like this if I can identify myself as something other than ‘girl/woman’. I can actually imagine reclaiming my genitalia as a part of myself after reading this.”

I’d pretty much given up on anything apart from celibacy and constant disassociation from my body for the rest of my life owing to my experiences, and I honestly feel like you have helped give my body back to me. I look forward to a time in the future when I’ll be able to embrace my genitalia as *mine*, and not see that part of myself as something shameful or dirty or dangerous, and I also look forward to putting the practical aspects of your guide into use and getting to genuinely know and appreciate my body and sexuality for the first time in my adult life.

It’s also so immensely freeing to be able to question my gender identity and find people and spaces which are accepting and supportive of that, and which demonstrate it’s possible to be trans or just GNC in any way and also be *happy*! I’ve spent far too much of my life living around people who terrorised me for deviating even slightly from what they wanted/expected me to be, so seeing folk like yourself being true to themselves and living a life they actually want is inspiring. I might be a good 10 years late in realising and exploring all of this, but better late than never!

So, yeah, just, an absolutely enormous thank you for everything you do. You’re awesome! :)

Ringing the Devil's Doorbell: A Light-Hearted, Practical Guide

Ohhhh, Anon, this makes me so so happy to read, and I'm immensely glad that the piece was so helpful to you! I wish you luck and good health on your journey of self-exploration going forward, thank you for sending me such lovely words. <3

This sort of thing is really what I write for, it's so rewarding to know that my work is so helpful to people!

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sadesluvr · 1 year

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Random question, but how would the cast of TNP react if Y/N came out as a trans man?

Hey Anon, thanks for the ask! :) I’m not trans/non-binary/genderfluid etc so I had to make this kind of general!

Cassidy: You all know by now that she has complete ‘a little confused, but she’s got the spirit™️’ energy😭 At first she might mourn the loss of her ‘gal pal’, but you’re still her best friend, and she’ll do anything for you! She’ll definitely use her allowance to get you binders, recommend the best places to get haircuts etc, and anything fashion-wise that can help you in your journey! There’s no doubt she’ll threaten and blacklist anyone who is rude to you. Always reminds you how hot you are.

Michael: Completely supportive! He’s bi/pan for a reason, so it’s definitely not something that will affect your relationship. He felt a similar feeling in his sexuality, so the two of you would bond over the feelings of ‘otherness’. If you feel any discomfort/dysphoria about your genitals, he simply won’t bring up sex until you feel comfortable. He and Cassidy are total gems <3

Gabriel: Similar to Cassidy. Very chilled about the whole thing! Is 100% willing to lend you basketball uniforms - they’re loose and hide the figure - to combat any dysphoria. The photo that comes to mind rn is this:

He’s totally just like “This is my bro, and we ball,” (You’re an honorary team member now). His mom is a totally hippie so she’s all about mindfulness and stuff, and would send you to her if you’re dealing with any mental issues :) Both he and Cassidy have the Herculean task of explaining everything to —

Fritz: 💀

There’s two trains of thought here: Dating or not. If you come out whilst you’re dating, I can’t lie and say he’d be very understanding about it. He has: “Noo don’t transition ur too sexy haha” energy:

His family is very traditional and religious, and he’s as hetero as they come, so you’d have to call it off :/ (You get Michael though, so it’s not really an L) However, one good thing about Fritz is that he’s very loyal, and he’ll keep you on his radar as a friend. You’ll get a “Wassup dude,” when he sees you and will tell his teammates to back off if they pick on you.Pre dating (when he has the crush): He’d feel weird about it and probably just stay out of your way.

Clara: The SWEETEST. She also had a very sheltered background (she was literally born in the 40’s) but she’s very open and progressive. Again, she’s just happy that Michael has a friend :) and will always check up on you to make sure you’re okay. She wouldn’t treat you any differently tbh, and she’d pass down any old clothes that you might need. She knows a thing or two about struggling with body image (this ask came just in time, I’m writing a prequel short series soon that’ll touch on this) and can definitely empathise with you on that part :’3

The Emily’s: Also very sweet and understanding. Charlie is literally like “I’ve always wanted a brother”, and though you’re just a family friend, she’ll totally see you in that way! Henry is pretty much the safe haven for ‘misunderstood’ kids (See: Michael) and would treat you the same; checking up on you and also educating himself!!

Elizabeth/Evan: Evan loves and thinks ur cool you regardless :)

Now, Elizabeth is going to be confused, and maybe a little offensive at first (but not bigoted) - “But you’re a GIRL”/“Boys DROOL” etc - but honestly, she’ll understand as time goes on and literally won’t care. As long as she can paint your nails, and you can still play with her, she’s cool with it. She also feels special because she’s one of the only girls now, and she abuses this power to the fullest. Will absolutely cut someone for speaking wrong about you. (She’ll break them ankles and shins 💅)

William: Would just compare you to Michael tbh. He’d be more accepting than Fritz, but I don’t think he’d totally get ‘it’. Though, if you worked at the pizzeria, I can see him making a nice new name badge for you as a subtle way to help you feel better in your journey. He’d always say “Do correct me if I’m wrong,” about issues related to your transition, because he wants to be respectful.

#my asks #the normal people au #florence_nomachine

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straightfromthetorturedpoetsdept · 1 year

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the most frustrating thing about the harry styles queerbaiting shit is like

these are the same people who claim to support closeted and unlabeled folks.

the hypocrisy.

and not to get too conspiratorial, buuuut

a lot of it feels like old 1d haters looking for a new reason to hate him. his musical style has expanded so much since 1d split that they can't make fun of him for writing bubblegum pop songs, they can't the same homophobic jokes they did before (and let's not kid ourselves - at least 80% of the hate levied at one direction was homophobic) so they have to find something to hate him for.

Actually this makes perfect sense, anon.

I am 100% on board with your analysis of why there seems to be such a huge focus on harry and his "queerbaiting" recently being related to finding another reason except his queerness to hate on him for. Because you're right, they used to hate 1D something fierce and if if it wasn't homophobic, it was sexist in nature.

Because as someone who was very heavily a part of the 1D fandom from the very beginning, I have been here for ALL of the conversations regarding the boys' sexualities and whether or not it was problematic to be a larry shipper. I think it's so fucking interesting that the narrative has gone from "harry can't be gay! look at all these women he likes!" to "harry can't be gay! we've never seen him date a man! he's doing it for attention" because like he's the same harry he's always fucking been.

Like, I remember having VIVID discussions with people about whether or not we should assume louis and harry are dating because the only difference between their interactions and the other ships' is that louis and harry were the only "stereotypical" looking gay couple of the bunch. Like, literally every other combination was not "gay" enough and that's why larries focus so much on this ship instead of LiLo or Lirry or Zouis or Ziam or Zarry etc and like that was the point where I was like "actually you're right this feels a little stereotypical atp" and also there were discussions at the time that just because harry said he doesn't mind dating men doesn't mean he IS dating louis.

and now it's like... we've all collectively forgotten that? We've forgotten that we used to discuss whether or not harry's gay ass is "proof" of larry and what gets me is that people just seem to not realize or care to put these two things together and see how mayyyyyybe, just mayyyyyybe Harry doesn't feel comfortable enough to be *publically* queer because of the way it was commodified and denied and discussed so intensely during such a pivotal moment of life for him (like.. he was a teenager for 3 out of the 5 years 1D was around bro).

But not only that but he HAS confirmed he's part of the community but that he is unlabelled and unlabelled is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT VALID AND OKAY AND SHOULD NOT BE SEEN AS LESSER OF AN IDENTITY THAN LABELLED ONES ARE. Literally all that means is that none of the labels we have feel right for you and that's okay. It doesn't invalidate the diversity of experience you may or may not have nor does it get rid of the gay ass feelings u have for people of the same gender/sex as you. I don't understand this insistence that harry is not queer because he doesn't like labels and would rather just date a person than their genitals???? it definitely has to be related to society's hatred of "girly" things because if there is one thing harry is not, it's a man's man.

idk i just don't even care that fucking much about harry styles dude, I just care about society accepting "less than perfect" queers as queers without making us constantly have to prove that we're queer. let us live our lives as WE SAY WE ARE instead of making us prove our queerness to you everytime we exist outside of your narrow little stereotypes of us.

#harry styles #anon love #ask and you shall receive #lgbtqia

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drtanner · 2 years

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According to a number of surveys, the majority of the UK public is in favour of trans rights, it may surprise you to hear! The bullshit you see on social media isn't reflected in real life, it turns out, because sock puppet Twitter accounts can't make YouGov profiles or go to the ballot box; TERFs are merely a very vocal minority who know they're on the losing side, and are taking advantage of the current culture war that our government is participating in alongside the mainstream media to make themselves heard before their ideology goes the way of homophobia, racism and misogyny, which were all likewise viewed as acceptable bigotries in the past.

However, those same surveys did find that a lot of cis folks in the UK are also worried about getting things wrong when they talk to trans people or are afraid that they'll get yelled at if they make mistakes or say the wrong thing! That's a shame! If this sounds like you, I hope I can dispel at least some of your anxiety with a quick primer to get you started, and I'll begin by letting you know that this idea that trans people are all vicious, screeching bullies waiting to leap on any well-meaning mistake that a curious cis person makes is a purposeful mischaracterisation that's been sold to you by transphobes. You're not gonna get yelled at for making a genuine misstep, I promise.

(Most of us are far too frightened of being ostracised or murdered to yell at people who openly insult us, let alone your innocent mistake.)

That said, if you want to be an ally, here are the basics. ( b ._.)b

Not every trans person is obliged to educate you. If you have questions, ask folks if they're willing to answer questions, and be ready to accept "NO" for an answer. We're tired, and we know you have Google. There are whole communities of trans people on the internet who are there specifically to answer questions if you're really pressed. r/asktransgender is a great place to start.

Don't ask us questions about our genitals. Again, if you want to know what trans folks' junk can look like, Google is right there. You don't need to know what my junk, personally, specifically, looks like unless you are a) my doctor or b) my sexual partner. You wouldn't want me asking about your genitals, right? That'd be weird! And the fact that our genitals might be something other than what you may normally expect doesn't make it any less so! (Obviously if someone tells you they don't mind talking about their personal, specific junk, that's different. Just don't ask about it straight out of the gate, please. Be polite. Let them bring it up.)

Everyone has different boundaries. Some topics might be easy for one trans person to talk about but difficult for another. If we tell you we don't want to answer specific questions or discuss specific topics or that the discussion is over, respect it. Don't be a dick.

Every trans person's experiences are different! What's true for one or a few or even most of the trans folks you talk to is highly unlikely to be true for all of us. Everyone navigates transness in their own way and has different viewpoints and perspectives. We're not a monolith and you shouldn't treat us like one.

We literally just want to live with dignity like everybody else. That is literally it, that's all we want, we just want to be treated with the same respect and compassion as every other human being on this planet deserves. You shouldn't take it as a personal attack if we ask you, for example, to use inclusive language, e.g., "pregnant person" instead of "pregnant woman", in order to make a little room for us in the world. We're not taking anything away from you or anybody else; our inclusive language includes you too, after all. 💜

And that's it! Five very easy things to remember, that's all. Keep these things in mind and you'll be hard pressed to offend anyone so badly that they snap at you. Be considerate and respectful and I promise you'll be fine. Go forth and educate yourself! I'm rooting for you! 💜

#Tanner talks

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dropintomanga · 1 year

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Sensei’s Pious Lie - Volume 3 Omnibus

“If you’re going to call this feeling something like love, you might as well call it what it is: power. Impossibly foolish, ferocious, an unstoppable juggernaut.”

Love just got messier with the 3rd omnibus edition of Sensei’s Pious Lie and it all ends with a brutal cliffhanger that speaks to Akane Torikai’s willingness to show taboo subjects in all of their glory.

Huge spoilers and talks about sexual violence after the jump.

Misuzu Hara continues to struggle with accepting that she too can be happy in some way with regards to love. Even after her student, Niizuma, tries to comfort her in some way and the two kiss, Misuzu still feels lost. Meanwhile, her abuser, Hayafuji, is struggling with the fact that his wife, Minako, is pregnant. The victim starts to gain more confidence than the rapist and the omnibus ends with a violent exchange that feels way too realistic to those who have experienced sexual abuse.

I’m going to focus first on a scene where readers finally see Hayafuji in a very vulnerable state. Hayafuji decides to see one of his side girls, Reina, in an attempt to ignore his own situation with Minako. When the two of them are on a drive at the mountainside, Reina explains that she feels happy. Hayafuji becomes angry and then starts to yell at Reina for being a love-sick “idiot.” He doesn’t understand why women put themselves out there to be taken advantage of for the sake of “love.” Reina explains that love does make people stupid and if they experience violence, it’s worth it because Hayafuji made her felt wanted. Hayafuji breaks down in tears and admits that he’s not ready for the responsibility of raising a child. This leads to Reina to attempt murder on Minako out of love for Hayafuji, which thankfully was stopped.

This was terrifying and sad to see. Hayafuji is a horrible person and I don’t think he will gain any sympathy points. But damn, it’s refreshing to see a man being vulnerable about the consequences of his actions. It’s rare to see this in a lot of media.

On the other side of the male department, Niizuma gets more character development as he tries out a casual sex encounter with a high school girl due to peer pressure. It doesn’t get really far, but he ends up not liking it. Niizuma calls Misuzu and asks for her forgiveness out of guilt. There’s a scene where Niizuma shows his displeasure after the encounter in graphic detail.

What I like about the scenes for both Hayafuji and Niizuma is that while they have different personalities, they’re both similar as that they are males who feel trapped by a world that doesn’t mind praising men for touting their sexual prowess. A long while back, I’ve read many stories about casual sex and why people take part in it. I get that having one partner doesn’t solve all of life’s problems and there’s been somewhat more of a greater acceptance of casual sex. I just think that emotions are hard to turn off when it comes to sex. There’s always some kind of intimacy involved. People will always be messy. I do applaud people who partake in casual sex and feel fine about it because they appear to be emotionally resilient. After all, it takes a certain comfort level within yourself to be able to do so.

And that’s probably the lesson here - trying to use sex as a way to solve your vulnerabilities isn’t going to end well. People who encourage that as a solution to personal insecurities may not have your best interests at heart.

The penultimate part of the omnibus comes when a frustrated Hayafuji decides to end his abuse on Misuzu - with an ultimatum. Either he screws her in front of Niizuma or vice versa. Misuzu is unsure of what to do and talks to Niizuma about the situation. She then starts her path to face her sexual trauma head-on. Due to her body being taken by force, Misuzu’s afraid of her own genital area. Misuzu confronts Hayafuji about her vagina and tells him that even though she was afraid of his hatred due to the allure of her privates, she also saw that hope can come out of that allure due to Minako’s birth. Misuzu then says that she forgives Hayafuji so that he can love Minako’s child. A flabbergasted Hayafuji reacts by punching Misuzu in the face repeatedly and he replies that a woman doesn’t get to forgive a man no matter what.

I have no words about what happened in the end. Or more like, it made me think about how little we’re taught about the significance of our private areas. They have the power to give pleasure that can become addicting and the power to give life. I also know that genital shame is a huge thing - especially towards women. As an Asian man, there’s always talks that having a small penis makes you a terrible partner according to stereotypes. I know for women, it’s a lot worse due to female bodies being politicized for all kinds of reasons. Taking some power and ownership of our bodies should be a right for mental health’s sake.

And about what Hayafuji said - it’s arguably a reaction based on something he’s probably witnessed involving a past relationship and the continued loss of his power over the women in his life. So much trauma all coming from an intense feeling that’s supposed to bind us all together. And that’s the beauty of what makes Sensei’s Pious Lie a gritty and vivid look at both sides of the picture for better or worse.

Onwards to the conclusion of it all soon!

#Sensei's Pious Lie #Akane Torikai #manga #love #relationships #psychology #trauma

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how-to-do-it-better · 21 days

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Sex Therapies For Your Relationship

Don’t give up on what used to be a good thing

By Ashley Welch & Kara Leigh Smythe, MD. Listen to the Podcast at How To Sex.

There was once a time when your relationship had magic. That spark of romance, anticipation, and bonding. You’ve invested so much, until things somehow went south. It might have been a major incident, or a slow drifting away from each other.

It might be a personal health issue, or a forced new environment for the two of you.

We’ll look at home treatments and try to reverse bad habits, But we’ll also discuss your options with a caring and competent professional therapist who specializes in identifying and reversing obstacles in your lives, in a gentle manner.

Let’s first look at the easier solutions you can do in the privacy of your home.

9 Natural Libido Therapies

Want more excitement? Stimulation? Satisfaction? There are several drug-free ways to spice up your sex life.

By Ashley Welch & Kara Leigh Smythe, MD

Exercise, say experts, is one of many natural tools you can use to improve sex.

If fooling around with your partner isn't all you'd like it to be, it might be time to think up new ways to make your sex life sizzle.

Having a date night with your partner — to remind yourself of all the reasons you adore each other — can be a great way to stimulate your libido, says Anita Sadaty, MD, a holistic gynecologist in Roslyn, New York.

This is one of many natural ways that experts say you can improve your sex life.

1. Make Getting in the Mood for Sex a Priority

Sometimes, having more and better sex simply requires clearing your schedule. “It's hard to be in the mood when you have a million things on your to-do list and not much time to do it,” Dr. Sadaty says.

Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but you put most of your important plans in your calendar, so why not sex? It’s best to schedule enough time to do something relaxing first rather than hopping straight into bed, since women, especially, need to be relaxed before their libido kicks in, Sadaty says.

2. Avoid Negative Thoughts

If your brain is running a feedback loop of reasons you’ve picked up along the way — about how you should feel guilty about sex or maybe that your body is too fat or ugly or, well, whatever — it’s time to stop it in its tracks. Recognize the thought when it appears and change it to a more helpful one.

Practicing sex positivity — the idea that all consensual sexual activities are healthy and positive — can lead to improvements in sexual enjoyment, researchers say.

This means accepting that sex is an essential part of overall health and that you have the right to enjoy sexual activity free from judgment. Examples can include telling your partner what excites you, setting healthy sexual boundaries, and exploring sexual fantasies, which has been shown to improve sexual function and satisfaction.

3. Don’t Forget to Use Lubricants

Vaginal dryness can be common among women, affecting as many as 17 percent of females 18 to 50, according to the Cleveland Clinic.

A number of factors can contribute to vaginal dryness, including a drop in hormone levels due to menopause, breastfeeding, and certain medications. Sex can be more pleasurable if you add a lubricant, which cuts down on friction and irritation and, therefore, discomfort, gynecologists say. You can buy lubricant from the drugstore or use a household oil like coconut oil. (Be sure to use a non-latex condom if you DIY, because these oils can damage latex.)

Don’t try to hide your need for a lubricant from your partner. Make it part of your sexual routine and have fun with it.

4. Move Your Body

You may not think that the exercise you do for your heart and muscles is important for sex, but remember that blood flows to your genitals as much as to your heart.

Men with erectile dysfunction, for example, can often see improvements in this condition with healthy lifestyle changes such as exercise. A review of 10 studies concluded that 40 minutes of aerobic activity of moderate to vigorous intensity four times per week is associated with reducing erectile problems in men with ED.

In women, research shows that physical activity can also improve sexual function, and even a little can go a long way. One study found that women who engage in regular physical activity (one to six hours per week) have higher levels of sexual desire, arousal, and lubrication than women who are sedentary.

5. Get Enough Sleep

Not getting enough sleep can have negative impact on your sex drive. One reason is that hormone secretion is controlled by the body’s internal clock, and sleep patterns likely help the body determine when to release certain hormones related to sex.

For both men and women, feeling tired when you get into bed zaps whatever libido you may have had even moments earlier.

Plus, for women, research has found that sleeping longer is associated with greater next-day sexual desire, and an increase of one hour in sleep led to a 14 percent higher likelihood of engaging in sex with a partner.

6. Practice Mindfulness

It may seem like sex is the ultimate practice of mindfulness. And while orgasm pretty much is — likely no one has made their grocery list or planned a work report in that moment — you may become distracted by random thoughts in the time leading up to that orgasm.

Keeping your attention on what you’re doing and feeling is a powerful way to enhance your pleasure. Research has shown that women who practice meditation at any level experience improved sexual function associated with better overall mental health compared with those who never meditate.

Similarly, the mind-body practice of yoga can aid your libido. When a group of 40 women were instructed to practice an hour of yoga each day, their average scores on a sexual function questionnaire for desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, lower pain, and overall satisfaction increased, according to another study.

The yoga postures they did were basic poses believed to improve pelvic muscle tone, release tight hip joints, and boost mood, followed by breathing exercises and relaxation techniques.

7. Consider Acupuncture Treatments

The ancient Chinese practice of acupuncture, in which a practitioner strategically places needles in the body, can also enhance your sex life. Balancing and relaxing the body with acupuncture has long been used to boost libido, says Baljit Khamba, ND, a naturopathic doctor and an assistant professor of naturopathic medicine at Bastyr University California in San Diego.

Dr. Khamba coauthored a study in which 35 men and women with sexual dysfunction, likely caused by antidepressants they were taking, were treated with nine acupuncture sessions. At the end, libido had improved in women, while erection, timing of ejaculation, and ability to orgasm were enhanced in men.

In another study, a six-week course of acupuncture treatments with 18 sessions led to significant improvements in erectile dysfunction in men.

8. See What Some Herbs, Supplements, & Aphrodisiacs, Can Do for You

Some herbs are used by cultures around the world as aphrodisiacs. Some are believed to stimulate nerves in your genitals; others increase levels of nitric oxide, which increases blood flow to the genitals, and the feel-good chemicals in your brain.

Some of these herbs include Chinese ginseng, cordyceps, ginkgo, and muira puama.

Not many scientific studies have been done on these supplements, though some evidence suggests L-arginine, an amino acid, may be tied to increased sexual function. One study of 120 men with erectile dysfunction found that taking a combination of supplemental L-arginine (5 grams) and tadalafil (5 milligrams), a medication to treat erectile dysfunction, for six weeks led to more significant improvements in the condition than taking either the supplement or drug alone.

In another study that included 77 women, researchers found that taking ArginMax for Women, a supplement containing ginseng, ginkgo biloba, damiana, vitamins, minerals, and L-arginine, for four weeks was associated with increased sexual desire and overall satisfaction in women.

9. Masturbate or Self-Stimulate for Better Sex

By experimenting on yourself, you can come to better know what satisfies you sexually — information you can then convey to your partner.

For women, masturbation may have other benefits as well. Vaginal dryness and pain may be reduced when you spend time stimulating yourself, notes the Cleveland Clinic.

That’s why sex therapists often recommend masturbation as a tool for women having trouble reaching orgasm. You might want to add a vibrator for enhanced stimulation.

Medical Reasons May Be Behind Sexual Problems or Disinterest

Of course, there may be a medical reason why your sex life is flagging. Diabetes, thyroid issues, cancer treatments, and cardiac problems can lower sexual desire. Nerve issues, endometriosis, or other problems can cause sex to be painful for women. And certain medications — like some for blood pressure, depression, anxiety, and even birth control — may inhibit desire.

That’s why it’s important to get a medical checkup if you are experiencing symptoms that affect your sex life and get your condition properly treated. You can also ask your doctor if it’s possible to switch your medication to something without a sexual side effect.

But even if you have a medical cause, it doesn’t have to stop you from having satisfying sex.

Sex Therapy: What Men and Women Should Know

By Beth Levine & Allison Young, MD

Sex therapy can help both individuals and couples improve their sexual issues and their relationships.

Let’s talk about sex. Sexual health is an essential part of overall emotional and physical well-being. But if you’re experiencing a sexual problem, the last thing you probably want to do is talk about it. If shame is keeping you from seeking help, know this: 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men report some degree of sexual dysfunction. Sex therapy is designed to get to the bottom of sexual issues and reverse them.

Most Recent in Sexual Health

Working With a Therapist to Address Libido Problems and Other Sexual Health Issues

Whether you work with a psychiatrist, psychologist, or marriage or sex counselor, sex therapy can help with a variety of physical and emotional issues that can interfere with sexual satisfaction, such as erectile dysfunction, low libido, a history of abuse, and others. And it can help you and your partner work through these issues in a supportive and educational environment.

So what does sex therapy really entail? And who qualifies as a sex therapist? Read on to discover the truth about this type of therapy.

What Is Sex Therapy and How Can It Help?

Contrary to what some believe, there’s nothing strange, deviant, or kinky going on behind the door to a sex therapist’s office. Indeed, sex therapy is not very different from other forms of psychological counseling. “Sex therapy is a type of psychotherapy that also takes into account possible physical problems. When a couple comes in with a sexual problem, we try to figure out how each of them could be contributing to the issue. We examine behavior, gradually interpret that for them, and come up with solutions,” says Barbara Bartlik, MD, a psychiatrist and sex therapist at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City.

What Happens in a Sex Therapy Session?

Your therapist will help you work through emotional issues that may be contributing to sexual issues, such as erectile dysfunction, according to Drogo Montague, MD, a urologist at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. If performance anxiety is an issue, sex therapy would typically begin with learning about performance anxiety, then move on to teaching a couple how to establish open lines of communication to discuss sexual wants and needs, Dr. Montague explains. The couple may also explore issues causing relationship stress, he adds.

When May Sex Therapy Be Recommended?

Sex therapy may be recommended in a variety of scenarios, says Michael Krychman, MD, executive director of the Southern California Center for Sexual Health and Survivorship Medicine in Newport Beach and coauthor of The Sexual Spark. Here are some of the most common scenarios:

Personal Conflict Issues Related to Sexuality This includes, for example, sexual trauma or assault. Dr. Krychman recommends seeking individual therapy first to cope with these issues, then gradually including your partner as needed.

Conflict About the Relationship A common example here would be a partner experiencing sexual boredom. In this case, it’s better to seek therapy alone first so that you can better understand yourself and your own sexual concerns, then incorporate your partner, says Krychman.

Compulsive Sexual Behavior (CSB) Once again, in this scenario it’s better for the person with the compulsive behavior or the partner to see a therapist alone first, then bring in the partner. “Sometimes, personal emotions of betrayal, guilt, or fear may need to be explored before incorporating your partner,” explains Krychman. “The one suffering from CSB may also experience a wide range of emotions, such as fear, shame, and anxiety. Addressing your personal emotional experience is important prior to bringing and dealing with your partner — this may enhance communication.”

Couple, Marital, and Sexual Problems For instance, with the infidelity of one partner, Krychman typically recommends that the couple tackle the concern or problem together from the start and address the roles they may have played with respect to the issue. “No one is blameless in a dysfunctional relationship, and couples can jointly work together to improve the quality of their experience,” he says.

Personal Coping Difficulties Related to Sexuality This area might include if you’ve just been diagnosed with a sexually transmitted infection and want to learn how to disclose your status to your partner or partners.

You’ll Learn to Be Mindful and More Aware

In mindfulness training, you learn to be present and focused on the here and now, rather than letting yourself get distracted by grocery lists and carpool plans. When using this concept in sex therapy, you learn to block out extraneous thoughts as well as negative thoughts you might have about your body or your performance. Instead, you are guided in thinking only about how your body is reacting to sexual stimulation.

Lori A. Brotto, PhD, executive director of the Women's Health Research Institute and Canada research chair in women's sexual health at the University of British Columbia in Canada, has done research on this topic, including a study published in November 2016 in Archives of Sexual Behavior. She has found that there's significant improvement in responsiveness in women suffering from anxiety-related sexual dysfunction. Dr. Brotto, also author of Better Sex Through Mindfulness, says that the hypothesis behind the results is that the mindfulness skills that the women acquired benefited their sexual motivation and response both directly, “by allowing them to nonjudgmentally focus on sexual sensations in their bodies before and during sexual encounters, and indirectly, by improving mood and decreasing stress and anxiety.”

Physical Issues Won’t Be Ignored in Sex Therapy

If there is a physical issue, such as vulvodynia or impotence due to radiation for prostate cancer, the therapist will refer you to a medical specialist who will work in tandem with the sex therapist.

Expect Some Sex Therapy Homework

While nothing sexual in nature will happen at the office, the therapist may offer some ideas to try out at home. “The therapist may suggest you try something called sensate focus exercises, which are designed to help you attune more to your partner,” says Montague. The exercises are typically done in stages, starting with touching or stroking anywhere on the body, except the breasts and genital areas. The goal is to experience the sensation of touching rather reach an orgasm. Eventually, the exercises can lead to intercourse.

Sex Therapy as an Individual vs. as a Couple

“Sex therapists can be very helpful in helping to guide one person to help themselves or their partner to overcome self-defeating behaviors. Or we can work one-on-one and then work with the couple together as a unit as well,” says Dr. Bartlik, coauthor of Integrative Sexual Health.

Traditionally, it’s better for people who are experiencing individual sexual issues to seek therapy alone, then gradually incorporate their partner (if they have a partner), says Krychman.

“If you are treating individuals, you are only seeing one side of the discussion,” he explains. “Partners who are counseled together will often interact and the counselor or therapist can assess communication styles in real time. If they are screaming at each other or using abusive language, interrupting, or disrespecting each other, the counselor can discern the communication style and what is happening in their intimate life.” In addition, during couples sex therapy, the therapist can assess the body language of the partners as they both disclose and discuss intimate sexual details, Krychman adds. “For example, if a couple seems angry or hostile, there might underlying reasons for this,” he says.

How Can Sex Therapy Help My Relationship?

Sex therapy can improve a couple’s relationship in a number of ways, Krychman says:

Enhancing emotional and sexual communication

Enhancing sensuality and sexuality through sexual exercises that may help eliminate sexual boredom

Enhancing the understanding of each other’s sexual needs, wants, and desires

Enhancing fantasy exploration (a neutral third party could make it easier for an individual to disclose their sexual fantasies)

You Keep Your Clothes On When You Work With a Sex Therapist

One thing is certain: Under no circumstances should you have to take off your clothes in a sex therapist’s office or should the therapist be touching you. “Sex therapists don’t touch their patients unless they are gynecologists or urologists and a physical exam is involved,” explains Bartlik.

Do My Partner and I Need Sex Therapy?

Individuals and couples seek sex therapy for many different reasons. According to Krychman, these are some of the most common reasons:

Mismatched libidos (one partner wants sex all the time; one partner wants it rarely)

Sexual boredom (one or both partners are bored by their sexual relationship)

A desire to change the paradigm (e.g., discussions about polyamory, or opening up the relationship to other partners)

Low libido (one or both partners are uninterested in sexual activity)

Coping with infidelity

The impact of compulsive sexual behaviors on the relationship and resulting in personal distress

“If you are troubled by your sexual relationship, [or] feel that there are barriers that may include physical, sensual, or sexual intimacy connections with your partner, you may need counseling or sex therapy,” he explains.

Be Picky When Shopping for a Sex Therapist

This person will help you with your most intimate secrets, so it has to be someone you trust. You will need to feel safe being vulnerable and taking risks. First, start by considering the gender of the therapist you and your partner feel most comfortable with. Environmental issues, such as the confidentiality of the therapy setting, were a factor, too.

“Usually, there will be some indication on the therapist’s website that they have experience in this area. I put on mine that I am inclusive so patients know that I am paying attention and know what to do,” says Bartlik.

Where to Find the Right Sex Therapist for You

Ask to see accreditation. A sex coach is not a sex therapist. Sex coaches may do more physical touching and demonstrating body parts. “They don’t have the same licensure that sex therapists do. Anyone can hang up a sex coach shingle,” says Bartlik. Compared with sex therapy, sex coaching is less stringent and not regulated, according to Bartlik.

Sex therapists often hold degrees in marriage and family therapy, social work, theology, psychology, or medicine. You can find licensed sex therapists in your area from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.

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aberrantmood · 2 months

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A little bit about me! (That isn't already on my carrd)

🍵 Who am I? Hello! I go by "Leda." I'm a short (5'2", but we'll pretend I'm 5'9", alright?) 19 year old femme stone bottom. And I'm POC; biracial afro latino. WARNING: I'm a multi-paragraph texter. Even this introduction may be a bit longer than others, which is something that some people enjoy more than others. With that in mind, if you aren't willing to read at least my opinions/stances or carrd, you won't have the best time here. 🍵 What's my general "vibe?" I often put my filter on the back burner. Because of my commonly blunt language, specifically when it comes to sexual topics, various friends of mine have become more open. I'm the one they come to if they're unsure of which toy to buy and if they're too scared to order/buy one themselves. I'm the one they come to if they need sexual advice, I'm the one they (specifically my writer friends) come to when they wanna ramble about their OCs sexual preferences and interests. I will absolutely be that same friend towards anyone who decides "Hey, her blog is pretty chill. I'll stick around."

🍵 Why am I on tumblr? To talk about sex and, hopefully, help break the stigma a little bit behind it. I'm hoping my frequent talk about it will help not only others out there feel more open―just as it did with my friends―but at least relieved to know that they aren't alone in any kinks they may have (and that they're completely valid, at that). I actually highly recommend Evie Lupine if you're looking for further and more in-depth kink education. She's asexual, too! Kinky asexuals aren't commonly known of nor talked about, and she plans to break that. So, despite not being asexual myself―she taught me a lot about the asexual spectrum community, and helped me immensely with fighting the common guilt that comes with being kinky. I highly, highly recommend her. I'm also here to spread education about LGBTQ+―specifically us Aromantic Allosexuals, which I am. "Aromantic Allopansexual," to be specific. I don't only post about sex and my sexual identity, though. I also may post about my personal interests/hobbies, which you can find on my carrd. Main topics might be about horror, as I've been a huge fan of it since toddler age.

🍵 What am I into (NSFW wise)? In short, I'm a "pillow princess" submissive. A sub is self-explanatory. For pillow princess though―to me, "pillow princess" means I'm all for receiving oral, but have an uncontrollable repulsion to giving it. I used to beat myself up for that, thanks to the common "give what you get" expectation when it comes to oral, but came to accept it. That I not only can't help my repulsion, but shouldn't "have" to do anything in sex I'm not comfortable with. That it does not make me boring or selfish. To anyone who's similar: I hear you. I understand you. And I promise you, there are many people out there entirely into it. Though I am curious to try out deepthroating a dick or strap-on, as I frequently do in my fantasies―a real dick would have to fit my personal bill of attractive to even want to touch it. As said before, though, there are people entirely into it. Hence, I prefer only sleeping with partners who don't want their own genitals touched. As I'll admit that giving-oral-repulsion guilt still lingers from time to time. But if I'm with a partner who doesn't want their genitals touched in the first place, it really shuts that inner guilt off. (Stone tops, we stand in solidarity). As you can tell, I'm more than open with my insecurities. Please feel free to be on my blog as well. Kink wise and a more in depth list? Here's a document, if you're curious. 🍵 Tags? • #askLeda for my asks and answers. • #nsft for "not safe for tumblr/not safe for work" related posts. Mainly humerous/not so serious posts. • #sexualfantasy for, as it says, posts related to my fantasies. • #aromantic or #aroallo for Aromantic related posts. • #sexualeducation or #ethicalkink for, also, just as it says on the tin. Educational and encouragement, and potential ramblings/rants, of healthy practices when it comes to sex of all kinds. Be it vanilla or kinky. • #toyrec for adult toy recommendations and reviews.

• #Ledastunes for songs I'm either currently listening to on repeat, and/or just wanna recommend. 🍵 Some opinions/stances? • Sex and romance are not inherently bad. While the way that society, at large, interacts with them is flawed (e.g: toxic monogamy/amatonormativity)―completely getting rid of them is far from the solution. • Sex repulsion/aversion is not an excuse for sex negativity. (e.g: "Eww! People have sex?! Y'all are disgusting!") • Children shouldn't be sheltered from the topic of sex. And around teenage years, they should feel comfortable enough to ask you for a toy or advice. If your child grows up fearing you'll be disgusted by them, then I firmly believe you fucked up there. • As kinky and kink positive I am, kink should never be a replacement for therapy. • But with that in mind, kink (especially edgier/violent leaning ones) are far from inherently misogynistic and are a sign you need your head checked. Anti-kinksters and radical feminists tend to have this viewpoint. So, and I say this as respectfully as possible, leave my blog if you fit any of those bills.

• “Virginity” is not medically real. It’s not a medical term, and it’s not based on any scientifical evidence. Instead, virginity is a social and cultural concept that is more important in some cultures and religions than in others. Particularly, purity culture. • Doms using safe words/hand signs/etc is absolutely necessary. The sub isn't the only one in control―both (or all) parties are. Each person in a power play dynamic absolutely deserve, and need, a safe word/hand sign/whatever. Including sadists. Far too many people (especially newcomers) in the BDSM community either aren't aware that doms, too, need check-ins and tap outs. Then once some people/subs do learn about/experience that, they scoff. This all goes for aftercare, too. • You aren't "sex positive" as you may think if you're anti-kink. I don't care if it's for personal reasons (in that case, that's called projection)―if your argument is "I support x because x is better than y" then you actually don't support x, and should maybe reconsider your stances and views. "Oh, have as much sex as you want! That's totally great for you! So long as it doesn't involve any kinks like masochism or anything. That's for brainwashed and gross people who are just inherently harming their mental state or are inherently abusers, haha :)" We've been told that sex is degrading and takes away a person's value one way or another, and we recognize that that's a problematic way of viewing things. But instead of saying "no, that's not true" and instead saying "yeah, it's true, but not under these conditions" and you think you've made it better? Once again, I would highly recommend sitting back and listening to those with different experiences and thoughts. • You aren't supportive of aromantics and "all complex queer identities" until you learn and accept that not every aromantic is asexual. Neither that all aroallos are bi/pan/lesbian/etc―some are heterosexual, yet still absolutely belong in the community. Aromantic, in of itself, is a queer identity. 🍵 QUCK NOTE: Trans women, you are absolutely loved and welcome here, and it will be kept that way. I say that as not only a promise, but a threat towards any transphobes reading. Mark my words, I will not tolerate any hate towards my trans sisters on my fucking blog. 🍵 Rules for asking/interacting: Here.

#introduction #intro post

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