#if my dad treated me a bit better in childhood i wonder what kinda person I'd be | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

im-only-joking · 3 years

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Maybe a piece where you are visiting brocks fam with him and y’all get into a little bit of an argument before bed and the next morning you try to prentend like nothing is going on between you two so his fam doesn’t get involved but as the day goes on he is being a little cold to you and at some point you are in the kitchen hanging with his mom and she explains that she noticed how you guys are being and she tells you that he is just stubborn and he love you and wants to marry you someday and she is happy you are part of the fam...... maybe Brock kinda over hears it and later that night before bed he apologizes and tells you everything his mom said is true

I love me some angst but imma do it with duke telling you brock loves you because.... I love duke boeser 👉👈. Lol

Visiting Brock's family was amazing. Minnesota was really lovely, if colder than you expected, and Brock's parents were lovely. There was just one problem.

Brock was being a total ass.

It was probably just being with his parents that made him a little on edge, but you had no idea why he was being so cold to you since you'd gotten there.

Duke and Laurie were being angels, absolutely wonderful hosts and set you both up in Brock's old room which had been redecorated a bit but still kept old memorabilia. Laurie had been cooking fabulous dinners and Duke had been telling hilarious stories about Brock's childhood, you didnt understand why Brock was being so... Mean.

Paul, Brock's older brother, had visited for a few days and had clearly noticed his energy and had said, "Hoyl shit dude, forget about it" to him as he left, to which you were confused.

All in all confused was the perfect word to describe how you were feeling abiut Brock's behavior.

So. You did as you normally would do, and confronted him, never the shy, passive person.

"Ok, what's up with you?" You asked quietly in Brock's room one day while Brock's parents were out grabbing groceries and you and Brock had planned on a nap.

"Nothing, just tired." Was his response. The same response that you'd recieved every time you'd tried to talk to him.

"Bullshit, B. You've been acting like I don't exist or like I'm nothing to you this entire trip and I'm frustrated because normally you don't treat me like this."

"Im not treating you like nothing, c'mon," Brock huffed.

"Yes you are! You've barely spoken a word to me. Your brother noticed, your parents have noticed, and its gotten weird. I dunno what to say to them. 'Sorry your son's acting like he doesn't even like me, I promise he normally does'?"

Brock rolled his eyes. "You're being ridiculous. Take a nap."

You bit your tongue to keep from screaming. "Fine. I will. On the couch downstairs. Have a good nap Brock."

You stormed out of the room and curled up on the living room couch, uncaring that you'd likely be woken up by Mr. And Mrs. Boeser later when they got back.

You heard their voices when you woke up, hushed from the kitchen.

"I dunno what's going on with him but he needs some sense knocked into him," Duke was saying.

"I agree," Laurie replied quietly. "I'm gonna grab the rest of the groceries. You talk to her when she wakes up."

You shuffled to the kitchen when you heard the garage door open and close signalling her departure.

"Hey kiddo," Duke smiled at you as he put away vegetables. "I guess you heard us, huh?"

"A little. If it helps, I'm not sure why he's acting this way at all either."

Duke chuckled. "Well lemme tell you this: he really loves you. There's no doubt about that. Every time he talks about you he just lights up like a Christmas tree. I've never seen him like this before. You truly are something special to put that kind of a smile on his face, and if he is treating you like this right now, it's only because he thinks he doesn't deserve you."

You frowned. "Why do you think he'd think that?"

"He doesn't know that he deserves the world, and you, kiddo, are his world. You mean everything to him. He talked to me about marrying you, ya know. Says he wants to get you a ring, but he thinks it's too soon," Duke laughed.

Your throat was tight with emotion and your eyes threaten to spill tears.

"Don't let him being dumb right now make you forget that he loves you," Duke stated.

"He's never told me before," you said quietly. "I mean, he's never said it out loud."

"I do."

You whipped around to the sound of Brock's voice from the staircase.

"I really, really love you," Brock mumbled, eyes watery as he took your hands in his.

Duke quietly left the kitchen to help in the garage and leave you two to it.

"I'm sorry I've never said it before, I should've said it a hundred times by now, because I would've meant it every time."

"I love you, too,"you replied, pressing your forehead against his. "I'm sorry we fought."

"It's my fault, I was just worried. Worried that i wasn't good enough. Dad was right ya know. Always is. He always knows how I'm feeling, and it's true. I feel like I don't deserve you." Brock pulled back to kiss you gently. "But I'll try to be better about expressing how I feel instead of bottling it up."

"Please. Don't shut me out again. I hated feeling like that,"you sighed, curling your hands into Brock's t-shirt. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

#brock boeser imagine #brock boeser #angst #player asks #send me asks

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clickbait-official · 3 years

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mbc

from @artwitch28's headcannons

masterlist

tw: implied/referenced abuse, depressive themes, and transphobia

---

Endeavor was a stuck up little bitch.

Not that a lot of people knew.

Oh well. He’ll get his revenge one day.

Touya sighs, setting his keys on the counter.

“Keigo! I’m home!”

The house was big- airy, if that was a word. Birdboy hated closed spaces. Touya couldn’t blame him, either; he couldn’t stand anything that looked like his “training” room.

There was a thunk upstairs as Keigo ran down to greet him.

“How was work? How was Dad?” He asks.

“Dad”, Atsuhiro Sako, was Touya’s adopted dad. They worked together under their agency, the League of Heroes. The League of Heroes were made up of heroes who were told they were villains, or considered outcasts.

“It was alright, Big sis Magne started asking people if they wanted interns.” Touya responds to his fiance.

Keigo comes up behind him, hugging him and wrapping his wings around Touya.

“Hmmm. Did you look for an intern, dove? You could get your brother~”

“I didn’t think about it, no. But there’s Toga already. Did you?”

Touya can feel Keigo smile into his shoulder.

“There’s one with a bird quirk.”

“Oh, I see.” Touya smirks.

His stomach rumbles as he does.

“Aww, does my little birdie need some food?” Keigo says, a twinkle in his eye. “I’ll go get you some.”

He grabs his hand and leads him to the kitchen.

They look through the fridge, then the freezer.

“Chinken nuggets?” Keigo asks, after a beat of silence.

“You did not just reference that, again.”

And Keigo laughs, loud and clear. Touya thinks it’s the prettiest thing he’s ever heard.

God, he’s in deep, isn’t he?

They sit together at the counter while they wait for the food to cook. They don’t talk for a bit, just enjoying each other’s company.

“Speaking of Shoto, how’s the family? Rumi’s been talking ‘bout Fuyumi a lot.” Keigo says, taking the pan out of the oven.

“Oh my goodness- remember that crusty kid I was talking to you about? He’s dating Natsuo.” Touya deadpans, and Keigo bursts into giggles.

“God, he could do so much better! And he chose the crustiest kid on this side of Japan!” He rants, Keigo staring from across the table.

“Hana’ll kill you for that.”

Touya sighs again, knowing that he was right. “Yeah, I know. I still don’t know why Natsuo chose her crusty brother, but he’s happy. And it gets him out of the house, too.”

Keigo nods. “Away from Endeavor.”

“Away from Endeavor.”

They sit for a while in silence at that. Touya knows Keigo used to idolize Endeavor, and he knows why.

God, out of all people, couldn’t Keigo have a good childhood?

At least he’s not hurting now.

The sun has fallen, and they’re laying on their bed.

The moonlight filters through the curtains. Keigo’s been asleep for a while now.

The slightest breeze drifts into the room.

If we lived in a harsher world, we’d be so much more cruel.

Oh, what a beautiful night to be alive with you.

---

Touya brings Keigo into the agency. He’d been curious about how it worked- the League was unprecedented.

Touya hoped he’d want to join too. He wouldn’t mind his soon-to-be husband patrolling with him.

Hero work is a dangerous game to play, after all.

The League of Heroes’s building is not very intimidating. It’s survived thunderstorms, 52 mental breakdowns (not by the same person), and now the prank the entire League is in on.

It’s time for the hero charts.

Showtime.

It had taken so much bribing, from the poor intern that worked for one of the higher ups, to one of the higher ups themselves.

Touya could only hope it was worth it.

Oh, it was worth it.

On live television, in front of nearly the entire world, Enji Todoroki, known as Endeavor, had gotten massively pranked.

First, it was the glitter. Then, the water balloons and the rainbow slime. After that, it was the chicken and the three fire extinguishers.

And of course, copious amounts of cheese.

And it was all filmed. It was all broadcasted to a live audience.

Oh- and everyone knew who did it.

But there was no evidence.

God, Touya loved trashing Endeavwhore (and that’s an insult to sex workers).

It was the night after when Twice suggested something Touya had never thought of before.

The night was young, fireflies just beginning to come out. They were on the balcony, drinking and catching up like family would.

“Hey,” He said, “Why don’t you sue him? Get your bro outta that place and over here.”

Twice was a genius.

Twice was a goddamn genius.

Headlines were all over the place. “Endeavor gets sued?” “Enji Todoroki- an abusive piece of shit?” “Endeavor loses custody!”

God, the journalists were having a fucking field day with this. Touya can’t blame them, though.

The day was beautiful. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming, and little kids were running around outside. Keigo was sitting next to him, listening to his music. Touya finished up some paperwork to finally, finally get his siblings out from under Endeavor.

Thankfully, there was enough evidence to prove he was at least neglectful. People could finally see just how much of an asshole he was, and how high his civilian casualty and endangerment rates are.

There was one teeny, tiny, thing.

The Commission.

The only reason Endeavor was still in the top ten is because of that fucking Commission.

God, he hated the Commission. The things they did to Keigo, the scars that still remain on his psyche.

Fuck the Commission.

It just- It made him so angry. The way Toga and Spinner were treated, how Twice wasn’t able to get help until he became a hero- God, he hated it.

And he didn’t even know how bad it was! He was sheltered from Quirkist attitudes. Well, as sheltered as you can be, living with Endeavor as a dad.

He only knew a little bit of how much they had suffered under this system. He knew there was something more to how Twice always stayed in his hero costume, or how Magne avoided that one part of town. How Toga stared at that one schoolyard for a little too long before walking away.

And he hated it. So, so much.

Fuck the Commission.

---

It’s Touya’s first free day. The hecticness of moving all of his sibling’s stuff into their house was crazy. Who knew that keeping a house was so hard? Not him, that’s who.

So, like any rational person, he goes out to catch up with a close friend.

He had met her during his time at U.A. Her name was Hana Shimura. They bonded through their shitty parents. She was the older sister of the crusty fuck, Tenko.

Why did Natsuo decide to date him? He'll never know.

Somehow or another, the conversation went from how their days went to when Tenko got his quirk.

“Yeah, he decayed the dog! Thankfully he froze up after, so I got Mom. If he didn’t freeze up, I’d be dead.”

The way she had said it- so casually...She probably was terrified at the time.

“There was a UA student that helped him, too. Oboro? I think that was his name...Anyway, Oboro really helped him! He’s kinda a father to him, if I’m being honest.” She went on, telling Touya how proud of Tenko she was.

How he had become a search and rescue hero, which he already knew, and using his quirk he had helped so many people! Because he can decay the debris trapping civilians and rescue them!

They walk down the street, still talking about their siblings and generally how life was going.

They were gonna meet up with Twice. There was a new restaurant that he noticed during his patrols.

Touya heard it was pretty good from Fuyumi and Rumi.

It looked pretty nice, too. He’d walked by it a few times.

“So how is Twice, anyway? I don’t hear much from him these days.” Hana says, pushing open the door to the restaurant.

“Guess you’ll find out, huh?”

Twice is sitting at an empty table in a corner. He was smart enough to change out of his hero costume, just like Touya and Hana.

He lifts his head as they get closer to the table.

“Hey guys! How’ve you been!” He greets them as they sit down.

“Good, good. We were talking about my brother, Tenko.” Hana says. Touya nods in agreement.

“And also how he got to be a hero, too.”

“Did I ever tell ya how I got to be a hero?” Twice asks them, barely containing a smile.

He never told them, well, not Touya.

Turns out, when he was having trouble with his Quirk, one of his doubles went and got a hero license. At the time he was barely of the streets, so he became a hero, joining up with Mr. Compress and Magne to create the League of Heroes.

Because why not? It kept him off the streets and he could help people like him.

A win-win for Twice.

Touya hated how his weird uncle was treated before he became a hero.

Because he was a person, like anyone else. Just a person.

So why was he treated so differently? Why didn’t people help him when he needed it?

God, Touya was so tired.

---

It’s late one night. Touya is alone with his adopted father.

“Dad, why’d you decide to be a hero?” He asks out of the blue.

Atsuhiro’s eyes mist over, and Touya worries for him. Touya’s told him all about the horrific shit he’s gone through, and he can’t help but wonder if he had gone through something horrible too.

Atsuhiro takes out a silver locket, and gently pries it open. He points at the picture inside.

“Look! It’s them…My perfect little family... That’s them! There’s my little girl, and the most beautiful person to ever exist. There they are…”

It’s silent for a moment, the only thing one could hear were the cicadas far away from here.

Touya opens his mouth, “What...What happened to them?”

“A hero. He didn’t care for protocol. He killed- He killed them! And no one believed me…” Atsuhiro trails off, looking down at the floor.

Touya can’t help but feel sorrow, too. He could’ve had a mom, another sister...

He really needs to stop adopting people.

He can’t imagine the pain Mr. Compress must’ve been in. To lose a lover, a child? Oh, it must hurt- so, so much. To lose what was essentially a part of you?

Oh, it hurts to even imagine.

“...They’re really pretty, Dad.”

“They...were both so beautiful in this picture. Toga reminds me of her, y’know? They are both so pretty, so grown-up, and have that same sense of humor…”

Touya’s not sure to who he’s referring to, but nods anyway.

Who’s he to question grieving old men?

“And the days fly by so fast now, I can’t help but feel as though I’m supposed to be insulted by it. But I can’t bring myself to care anymore…It hurts, Touya, it hurts. Sometimes...I can hardly bring myself out of bed...I feel like a ghost…”

It’s silent for a moment, before Touya speaks.

“Dad, I think you need to get help. This isn’t normal. And…I think they’d want you to be happy too, Dad. Don’t you deserve to be happy, too?”

“...I don’t know.”

“You don’t...know?”

“I don’t think I am. But...I want you to be happy. And Tenko, and Hana, and Twice, and Magne...But it’s so tiring, being happy. And I don’t know what to do!”

His sobs seem to echo through the building.

“Come on, Dad. Let’s get you help. You can get some rest.”

He leads Sako back to his house, Atsuhiro being half-asleep by the time they get home.

Mr. Compress takes the spare bedroom, and falls asleep as soon as he hits the pillow. Keigo notices Touya, and walks over to him.

“Heya dove~ How was your day?”

“Worrying. Dad...Dad needs some help. He’s got some shit going on...He’s so tired, Kei. We need to get him therapy or something.”

“Oh, baby…” Keigo whispers, but Touya is too tired to hear.

He falls asleep in his fiance’s arms, safe and sound.

---

The house is abuzz with activity when Touya wakes up. Keigo’s laughter echoes around the place, filling the air with a sense of home.

What a beautiful way to wake up.

Touya gets dressed and walks downstairs. Keigo’s in the kitchen, talking amicably with his sister, Fuyumi. Dad was smiling fondly at the sight, picking at his food. Natsuo was talking on the phone with someone, blushing a little.

Keigo turns towards him, and oh, he was so handsome.

“Good morning, dovely~”

Unbelievable. It was too early for puns.

“Ugh, no. Don’t ever make puns this early. Dad, you doing okay?”

Atsuhiro looks over at him, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“I’m doing just fine, sonny boy~”

“God, it’s too early for this shit. Keigo, get me some coffee, will you?”

“Language!” Fuyumi scolds.

Eventually the coffee is made, and tables cleaned. Breakfast is done.

Keigo helps set up an appointment with Fuyumi. She’s a part time therapist, part time substitute teacher.

Touya takes a deep breath. One day, Dad will be okay. He’ll be alright.

Time for work.

It’s a beautiful, sunny day when Touya goes on patrol again. This time with Magne and the new intern, Toga.

He already knew somewhat what the girls had gone through.

“Good morning, Magne, Toga.” He greeted them.

“Good morning!” Toga says, and then they go off.

Touya’s stuck in his thoughts as they walk to a coffee house while on break. He listens in as he reaches for the door.

“Yeah, my parents threw me out cause they didn’t think I was a girl.”

“My parents threw me out, too! I had to run away, they didn’t like my quirk very much...I got lucky, and Mom became my mom! That’s how I became a hero! How did you, big sis Magne?”

“Mr. Compress saved me from one of those fucking creeps. He let me stay with him for a while, and helped me get back on my feet. I decided to be a hero then, to help people like me.”

They sit down at one of the tables, still talking about their lives. Touya takes a bite of his muffin.

Ah, life was alright, if just for a little while.

--- requests & asks are open! (request em here) ---

@kirililbb

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truly-morgan · 3 years

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Fanfic idea am too tired to write for now pt.1

So I have many fanfiction Idea, yet my dumb ass is just way too tired in so many ways to actually write anything for now, so I decided “Why not just make a list and see what people enjoy, might give me motivation”. This might be a multi-fandom post, depending on how many idea I can brings back from my bad memory.

After all, what better than writing a fanfic is to just dumb down the plot and ramble about me ideas.

TodoBakuDeku

Soulmate marks AU

They are all soulmates, and two of them a really dumb. The two first to notice are Midoriya and Todoroki. Somewhere after the sport festival, they happen to be changing at the same time for X reason and one of them notice they have a matching marks. We have two dorks unsure what to do, but they decided “Hey, lets give it a chance, we are already on a good start”.

Everything goes well, everyone do kinda notice how close they have become, but hey maybe it just how they are with close friend (especially with poor Shouto being a novice at friendship). But, one day when they are all changing after a sport class, Kirishima points out how similar Bakugo’s mark is to Midoriya’s one, making our explosive boy mad but then realise they have the same. Somehow these two childhood friend either never actually notice it (tbf, Bakugo’s mark isn’t that visible) or just erased that information from their memory if it was ever discovered.

And then we have Todoroki and Midoriya unsure what to do since they weren’t expecting to add a third person (after all it is rather rare thing to happen, but not in my fanfic), while Bakugo is just confused at how this situation as escalated quickly. Then we simply have a couples chapter seeing how thing are evolving between them, maybe some jealous Bakugo who didn’t want any of that at first but didn’t like seeing them this close when he could be a parts of it.

And somehow I wanna have Kirishima trying to help his friends, because of course he would, despite being confused by missing the part where Todoroki is also part of the equation.

Fantasy AU

This one would probably need to be cut in two parts? Like I imagine them meeting on a first quest and kind of slowly falling for each other that way? Like, Midoriya was already on this quest with Iida and Uraraka, joined later by prince Todoroki after Midoriya broke the ice (dum dum tss). They probably meet Bakugo on the way, already acquainted with Midoriya because of past event and decide to tag along “Because I was already going there, anyway Deku would get himself kill if he went alone”. So they ends up kind of bonding over the thing they live through and after killing the demon or something.

Second part is something I feel has more seriousness to it, happening a couple years later, where their relationship is something along the line of “I have no clue what relationship I have with these two exactly, there seems to be something but am not sure, but one thing I know is I am ready to die or kill for them”.

This would happen where Todoroki’s kingdom is dragged into war against the dragonkin because they are allies of the one going against them for land and riches. Todoroki has no choice but to actually follow his dad and obviously Bakugo will take care of his kind. I was imagining this whole scene going where Todoroki asks Midoriya to choice what he knew he wouldn’t regrets doing later on (so obviously going with Bakugo). A truly difficult choice, but the both understand, especially Bakugo, that he has obligation and no real choice in the matter if he wants things to change later on.

So we have this whole war going on, learning that Todoroki was working a little more in the background to actually help or makes thing less bad for the dragonkin when he his the one in commands.

One of the rare fanfic where I had some ideas about how to end this story, despite it being rather unsure yet.

BakuDeku

a/b/o

I was going to make a follow up to Bond where we see some snippet from their daily lives as official mates (yet hidden from the public for obvious reason). I already had a couple of ideas for this one, not sure if it actually count as a fanfiction since all the chapter would be rather “unrelated” to one another, each a little story that doesn’t exactly have a follow up in another chapter.

AllEraserMic

Everyone dies trilogy

I am an angtsy bitch and already started this mini-serie with They Both Knew. It was suppose to only be one story at first, then I wondered “How would the different duo react to on of them dying”. So I already did the Toshinori one, am missing Aizawa and Hizashi. This is purely to write angst since it had been a while since I actually wrote angst (I swear I wanted to cry when writing in on the bus something, the hospital scene was the worst).

So yeah, this is at least already kind of started I suppose.

Soulmate Marks AU

(Can y’all see what kind of jam I like?). This one is an idea that has already be seen quite many time in this ship dynamic, where Both Aizawa and Hizashi are in a nice relationship after discovering they were soulmates when studying at UA. So what happens when Toshinori realise that they are both his soulmate? Of course he can’t tell them, after all he wouldn’t want to break that happy couple.

Of course he’s not the most subtle man on earth about it and the couple does notice how weird he seems to act and how much more than before he make sure that his marks stay hidden.

EraserMic

Villain!Mic

This would most likely be based around the Villain Mic Au created by @corndog-patrol because I just really love her Villain!Mic so much (this is the kind of villain I really love too) and it gave me ideas. Go check her little comics about this AU, it’s absolutely lovely.

This would most likely be a slow burn (because that’s my speciality at this point), with different accounters they have throughout Eraserhead patrols, where he slowly get a better understanding of how Mic actually is, which mean not really a villain, despite Mic trying to convince him otherwise.

I like the idea of working with a Mic who is convince his quirk cannot be use for good because he was convince early on that his quirk is dangerous (painfully proved by his now bad hearing), yet still act in more ways that would be seen a heroic rather than villainous.

Am not an original person when it comes to AU apparently, but I just really like this idea and wanted to play with it a little bit.

If you want a good fanfic that is already written in that setting please go check out Villainous Heroics by Ibelieveinahappilyeverafter. I hope I won’t get subconsciously inspired by it (or at least not too much) when I write this.

BillDip

Reversed a/b/o Dynamic

So I already started it, this is probably cheating, but I don’t have the energy to write right now so fuck it ╮(￣ω￣;)╭. So this is an AU reversing the abo usual dynamic and omega are instead treated very well, coming from a twitter tread i had seen.

The twins are both actors (Mabel the film industry and Dipper more on the theater scene) and Bill is the CEO of the studio for which Mabel’s work. He basically meets Dipper when he was going to greet Mabel and fall head over heel for him, making him want to court him.

This is a rather fluff oriented story, where they slowly get to know each other better and Bill trying to court Dipper because in this house we respect omegas. This is a much more light hearted story than some of the one presented higher in this post. I was only going to start really writing it after finishing my two other AU (the 20′s speakeasy and zombie apocalypse ones), but when i get back into writing I might do that.

Lets make a deal AU

So I already presented this one in a previous list, but I really wanna get to write it down at some point.

This is where Dipper as a lot of confidence issue, comparing himself with his family and not seeing anything good in himself. I wanted to play on Bill not necessarily doing weirdmagedon that year and instead taking interest in Dipper.

I wanted to see Bill slowly pulling Dipper in after getting interested in him and thinking his great mind could help him in his plan. Also what better thing than to have one of the wheel sign on your side?

This is more on a Dark!Dipper AU kind of vibe, where the relationship is probably not as wholesome and good as the other one I’ve written until now, but I wanted to see something different.

Welp, can y’all tell I got interested in bnha lately? (if some of my many doodle of it wasn.t telling). I feel like I write for only two fandom despite loving many show. It just sometimes I feel like I would really be able to do it well? Like I’ve read many Hannibal fanfic, but I don’t think I would be able to write one whom is really good.

Anyway, these are the idea I really wanna write at some point, might get to do it in my not so existent free time or if I don’t feel like reading on the bus.

#fanfiction ideas #fanfiction i want to write #todobakudeku #tododeku #todobaku #bakudeku #allerasermic #erasermic #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #billdip #gravity falls #alternate universe

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ilove-cedricdiggory · 3 years

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Secret Sister

Snape x Ravenclaw reader (Platonic & Sibling)

Summary - You’re Snape’s younger sister he didn’t know he had. Through your tears at Hogwarts, can you warm up to him?

Trigger Warning - nothing I think? fluff really

Request - Yes, by @sabor-a-ksoo

First Year

You stared up at the school, your eyes sparkling with wonder. Your heart was absolutely full as you finally made eye contact with the school you read and heard so much about.

You were in a boat with a few other students, but didn’t speak much to them. All four of you were completely entranced with the sight before you all. Slowly, you walked with the rest of the first years up the steps, finding Mcgonagall standing before you, explaining the sorting.

“I hope it’s not scary.” Someone mumbled beside you. While everyone’s eyes were set on Draco and Harry, you turned to the girl beside you. “It’s not, I swear. I read a lot about the sorting hat. He reads your mind and kinda figures out who you are. It then sorts you in one of the four houses depending on your personality and your choices. She didn’t really explain each house, so, Gryffindor’s are known to be brave, courageous, and have a lot a nerve, hence the Lion. Ravenclaw’s are known to be intelligent, wise, and have a lot of wit, hence the Raven. Slytherin’s are known to be ambitious, cunning, and have a lot of leadership, hence the snake. Hufflepuff’s are known to be loyal, patient, and have a lot of hard work, hence the Honey Badger.” You explained, having learned quite a bit through your family and your own studies.

After a few students took in what you said, you were lead into the great hall and up to the hat. Hermione, Draco, Ron, Harry, and a few other students were sorted before you heard, “Y/N Snape.”

“Snape? Does Snape have a sister? A daughter?” “She can’t be his daughter, she must be his sister.” You looked up and into the eyes of your older brother’s, his own eyes wide with surprise. Your dad told you about Severus, but you always assumed he had no idea about you.

Breaking eye contact with your older brother, you turned around before the hat was set on your head. The last thing you heard before your ears were covered was, “She’s obviously going to be sorted to Slytherin, Professor Snape is head.”

“Hmm, another Snape, eh? What a surprise. I didn’t think I’d be seeing another one of you for a while, if at all. Where shall we put you?” The hats voice was strange in your head, but you allowed it to fill it up. “While you have many characteristics like your brother, I don’t think Slytherin is the house for you, no. Your head is full of knowledge and incredible wit. The only house for you shall be,” the voice stopped filling your head as you heard it call out, “RAVENCLAW.”

As the hat was pulled from your head, you saw the table of blue and gold clapping in celebration. You smiled, walking to an empty seat next to a second year. “Are you really Snape’s sister?” The boy asked you, your head nodding. “Yeah, I am.” you said, looking up and into the eyes of your brother, only his were now in the size of slits, glaring at you.

Second Year

After a long first year, ending with the notorious Harry Potter taking care of Voldemort, in the way of Quirrel. While you enjoyed yourself more than expected, your older brother had yet to speak a normal word to you sense your first day. It was all like a regular student in the aspect of, “Five points from Ravenclaw.” or the lovely, “Ten points from Ravenclaw.” Although, you seemed to be the only student he only called by your first name. Every single time you were called on for an answer, were stopped for talking to the class, or yelled at for any kind of mistake, it was only, “Y/n!” Never once had he called you “Y/n Snape” or “Miss. Snape!”

You were sure you exceeded his expectations though, your Potions grade higher than Hermione’s herself. If there was one thing you could do, was brew a potion as good as your older brother.

“Y/n!” You were snapped out of your thoughts, Severus calling you from them with a harsh tone. “Not paying attention to the class now, are you?” He was smirking, glad he could get you on something during the second week of classes. “Actually, sir, I’ve finished my potion. I was reading a book about next week’s lesson.” You showed him the pages of the book you were at, hoping this would at least fill your brother with some kind of pride.

“No one likes a know it all, y/n. I’m sure Hermione Granger could tell you that. Why not stick to the lesson plans with the rest of your class instead of assuming your better than the rest. Five points from Ravenclaw.” He turned to walk back to the front of his classroom, leaving you stunned. If there was one thing you thought would rub him the right way would be to excell in Potions.

As the year went by, you attempted to grow any kind of relationship with your brother. This lead to you walking into his classroom, right before Christmas break.

“Professor Snape?” You called out, slowly opening the door. “Can I help you?” You could tell he was glaring before you could properly see his face. “I, uh, I was talking to dad -” You stopped yourself, unsure of how his reaction would be to referring to him as both of your’s father. “Yeah, yeah, I was talking to dad.” You stood your ground, tired of letting your older brother make you feel as worthless as he had been. “About Christmas, and I wanted to properly invite you home.” You had continued walking until you were right before his desk, staring straight into his eyes like the first day you saw him.

“And why would I do that?” he asked, raising his eyebrow at you. “Because, you’re my brother, Severus. My brother. I have been waiting for you to at least accept the fact that you are.” Your eyes grew hard as you stared at the black haired man, your frustrations growing.

“Am I? The last time I checked, my father hated me. My father showed me no love, he wanted nothing to do with me. He left me to achieve my studies alone, my peers alone, and my successes alone.” He stood before you now, looking down at you with disgust.

“Severus, I can’t control that! I didn’t ask him to treat you with such hate. I didn’t ask him to treat you like that! But I am your sister! Wether you like it or not, I am! But, I didn’t ask for you to treat me like this! I didn’t ask for you to look at me with such hate! I didn’t do this!” Your eyes filled with water as you looked up at him, now, with the same hate he looked at you with. Before his face changed, before he could utter another word, you turned and stormed out of the classroom. For the last two days of classes before break, you didn’t step foot into his class.

When you returned from break, you found a parcel sitting on your bed, wrapped horribly with black paper, a simple letter placed upon it with a single word, “y/n”. You recognized it as the handwriting you stared at every day in potions, as your brothers.

Inside was a single book, a tattered, worm out book that was just about falling apart in your hands. As you opened it’s binding, realizing it was a DADA book, the one class you were struggling in, with the same handwriting on the first page, “Property of the Half-blood prince.”

Third Year

As your second year wrapped up, your relationship with Severus was slowly repairing. You two had met for tea three times after break, you gifting him with a few ingredients from Hogsmead that you knew were hard to come by. The second was almost as awkward as the first, but the two of you spoke in soft tones about, well, potions. It was a middle ground topic that you both understood was easy conversation.

The third meeting was better, as you two slowly began speaking about your childhood, as he wasn’t as prepared to open to you as you were him.

Now that it was third year, Sirius Black on the loose, you didn’t get out of the library much besides classes, to eat, and to sleep. You wanted to study as much as you could as to how he could have passed the Dementors, how he could be sneaking around now, and what on earth he really did.

You were doing better in your DADA class, now that Professor Lupin was within the walls of the classroom, a much better head on his shoulders that Lockhart. But, your first tea with Severus had you questioning all that you felt for the teacher.

“I’m doing much better in Dark Arts, actually. Lupin is a big help.” you stirred in the sugar to your tea, slowly blowing on it. “Lupin.” Your brother sneered out, a low growl with it. Out of the few civilized conversations you had with the older man, none of his words were quite as harsh as this one word.

You supposed that, during that tea with him that day, he warned you of the Professor in his own way. It had you surprised that he had reached out to you in that way, caring about you to warn you like a brother would his sister. Over the next few months, you could tell that he asked you more about how he was treating you, how comfortable you felt with the new Professor, and made sure he wasn’t using any harsh words with you - especially sense Lupin knew you were Snape’s sister.

The night of the full moon, you saw him walking out from your bedroom window, walking out to the Whomping Willow and into a hole at it’s base. Your eyes furrowed, a feeling you didn’t expect to have for your brother filling you - worry. By the time you got out of the school, having being extra precautions, he was walking back to the school with two bodies levitating behind him.

“Y/n.” he spoke, noticing you immediately. “What are you doing out here?” He growled at you, the same hostility as your first year filling his voice. “I saw you sneaking out through the Willow and I got worried. I know about Sirius Black and I - I didn’t want you hurt.” Your admission filled his ears as a slight smile fell on his face. As you glanced behind him, you gasped.

“That’s him. That’s Black.” Your eyes were wide as you looked back at your brother. “It’s okay, y/n, really.” He walked past you and into the school, calling a few other professor’s to take care of Harry and Sirius before looking back at you. “Back to bed.” he said, softer than he had ever spoken to you.

He followed you back to the Ravenclaw tower, assuring himself that you were secure in the locked room before moving back to the task at hand, Black.

Fourth Year

Back at Hogwarts had you filled with joy. This year, there was no sign of Voldemort on the back of a professor’s head, a giant snake moving throughout the school, petrifying students, or a mass murderer on the loose, attempting to break into your school.

Instead, this year, you found yourself swooning over Durmstrang boys, gawking over the beauty of Beauxbatons girls, and cheering for whoever the Hogwarts champion turned out to be.

You had studied about the Triwizard tournament a few years ago, your father having spoken to you about it. Which meant, you knew all about the Yule Ball. Meaning, all you could think about half of the time was the dress you would wear. The other half was still set firmly on your studies.

Victor Krum, Fleur Delacour, Cedric Diggory, and, Harry Potter? Four champions?

As the year went on, you cheered loudly for Cedric and Harry and cheered silently for Fleur and Krum. The first task just about terrified you, the flame of a dragons breath almost seared your hair to a crisp.

Then, came time to begin practicing for the Yule Ball. Time was set apart in every students day to practice their dancing skills, their head of houses showing them their expectations for all that attended.

Girls began setting their hopes up for a date, boys began swallowing their fears and asking out their crushes. The past few years, you had primarily been focused on your studies and your growing relationship with your sibling that, you hadn’t focused on the growing boys in your school.

While you wanted nothing more than to attend with a boy, you knew you had plenty of confidence in yourself to attend by yourself or with a few of your friends. Which is why you were surprised when the one and only Draco Malfoy strutted his way to you while you sat outside, reading under a tree.

“Hey, Snape!” He called out, pulling you from the pages.

“Malfoy?” Your tone was surprised, but not hostile. “Can I help you?” You closed your book, giving him your entire attention.

“You sure can, by attending the ball with me.” He didn’t stutter, his confidence seeping through his pores. You had gained the attention of most of the students in the court yard, it absolutely silent as they all waited your reply.

“Yeah, okay.” You said, grabbing your book and standing up. “But I’m not wearing green, Draco. Over my dead body.” You smiled, kissing his cheek softly as you walked out of the area, wanting to find a more secluded area to read. You knew the school would be buzzing with the news of your date, meaning you’d want to be in a silent place to continue your reading.

As the days slowly continued, the talk of your date becoming not important as more people got asked out. Later one night, you were walking up to Ravenclaw tower after a late night studying in the library, when you heard a hushed conversation.

“I am in no joking mood, Malfoy.” You heard the voice of your brother carry through the empty hall. “You will not hurt her, you will not stand her up, you will not feel her up. You will treat her with respect or so help me, the only thing in your pumpkin juice tomorrow morning will be a potion to make your ears swell to the size of the pumpkins your juice came from.” You peeked around the corner to see your brother pinning your date to the wall, his eyes in smaller slits than you had ever seen.

“Professor, I-” Malfoy began, but was quickly cut off. “There will be no explanations, no excuses. One word of any misconduct, Malfoy.” Your brother harshly let go of his robes, glaring at home once more before stalking off. Draco took a shakey breath, looking both ways down the hallway, before walking off in the way of the Slytherin common room.

You smiled, biting your lip and the protective manner of your older sibling. The last thing you ever expected from the man was for him to go out of his way to threaten your date, especially one from his own house.

When the time came to the ball, you walked down the steps in your dress, your eyes set on Draco with a smile set on your face. “You look lovely.” He stated softly, taking your hand and guiding you to the hall.

As the night went on, he was an absolute gentleman. One with class, honor, and respect. As the time clicked closer to midnight, Draco walked to grab you both punch. You made eye contact with Severus, excusing yourself from your blonde date and moving to him.

“Well, your threatening worked. He’s absolutely respectful.” You stood bedside him, your eyes staying on your date like his own. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about.” His deep voice was soft, not wanting the other professor’s to know of his actions.

“Riiiight. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah Sev?” you asked softly, turning around and walking backwards. “Yeah, you will. You look nice, by the way.” he said, causing you to blush and nod once, turning around and walking back to the punch.

“Sev.” He said, softly to himself.

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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tw: emotional abuse

I think about that "do abusers recognize what they're doing is abuse thing" so much. I literally still have so much trauma to this day from my mother just constantly yelling and insulting me for small things but for the past three years or so she's been so nice to me. like we get along so well now and the things that used to happen rarely happen now. I still hold so much resentment because I'm a hater and I think I'm allowed to because it's not like I got any kind of acknowledgement about what I went through (for the record, this is a very weird position to be in with a person that abused you lol). but I always think about if she realized what she was doing was not okay? and if she did realize it, how guilty does she feel? will she ever acknowledge what she did to me? she told me once that she's really worked on her anger issues - which, to her credit, she has - but does she realize what her anger issues did to me when I was younger? I'm pretty good at making people think I'm being open with them when I'm really not, especially with her, so she probably doesn't see any of the effects of emotional abuse that I deal with.

:(( so sorry to hear this love. for what it's worth i think ur totally justified in ur anger and pain like. it truly does not matter if shes worked on herself because that literally doesn't negate what she put you through back then. and one of the main parts of taking accountability is knowing you don't get to be let off the hook for past harm you caused, just because you're now doing better. idc how bitter it makes me LOL i really don't subscribe to the whole "you have to forgive to heal" sort of attitude like it's sooo untrue. anger can be righteous and useful. and closure is never guaranteed either way. and its better to focus on making yourself feel better about your past than to focus on making the abuser feel better about it, that doesn't sound like healing to me. honestly it's a bit weird how much i relate to this now that i'm thinking it over, right down to the pretending to be open part. me and my dad are kinda the same. we get on so well but he was a fucking cunt when i was a kid and he scared the hell out of me - he, too, likes to say he's mellowed with age and that we can't change the past so we might as well move forward. the issue with that, though, is that we only get one childhood and it shapes who we're going to be or the rest of our lives. so of course there is going to be grief and resentment and unresolved hurt there because they caused it. actions have consquences, you know what i mean? it's not our fault they couldn't grasp that when they were being shitty parents back in the day, intentional or not. i'm not saying you need to hate your mam either and i do think it's wonderful that you're able to still have her in your life in a positive way, same with me and my dad. but you don't have to feel bad about being conflicted and you don't have to idk soften what you went through to protect her feelings esp when she hasn't even acknowleged it properly yet. you do not need anyones permission to be hurt by it, least of all hers! idk how you feel about talking openly to her about how she treated you or if that's even an option (totally understandable if not, i'm still stuck in that stage too despite my private feelings on this subject.) but i really hope some day you can get the answers and the genuine apology you deserve. and mostly i hope that you're able to truly grow beyond all of the heaviness and pain she made you internalize with her words and actions, even if it takes you a life time to really get there. it was completely unaccepetable to treat a kid that way and you're not wrong for having a reaction to it. they did know what they were doing to some extent, they must have. they were grown adults and we were children

#anon #talking

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gcldenharvey · 3 years

Text

“The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly” - Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

The Basics:

Name: Harvard Hargrove III

Nicknames: Harvey, Harv, Goldie, Veevee

Age: 19

Birthday: March 31st, 1979

Gender: Cis man

Pronouns: He/him/his

Sexuality: Straight

Major: Business

Former school: UCLA

Job: N/A, his dad still completely supports Harvey financially

Faceclaim: Jacob Elordi

Personality Positives: Magnetic, extroverted, athletic

Personality Negative: Wrathful, duplicitous, destructive

About:

YOU'RE THE GUY EVERYONE WANTS TO BE. QUARTERBACK, POPULAR KID. THE FACADE LOOKS PERFECT ON THE OUTSIDE, BUT INSIDE YOU'RE CRUMBLING. YOU'RE GETTING ANGRY AT THE WORLD IN A WAY THAT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN BEFORE. YOU GO OUT LATE AT NIGHT LOOKING FOR FIGHTS; CRAVING THE FEELING OF GETTING YOUR FISTS WET WITH BLOOD, BUT YOU'RE DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO HIDE THAT PART OF YOURSELF FROM EVERYONE AROUND YOU. YOUR FATHER GROWS MORE DISAPPOINTED BY THE MINUTE, AND EVERY SINGLE DAY YOU THINK ABOUT RUNNING AWAY. BUT NOW THAT EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS BACK IN TOWN, HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO LEAVE? YOU AND LUX WERE CHILDHOOD NEIGHBORS. YOU GREW UP MAKING MUD PIES, AND SNEAKING OUT TO PARTIES TOGETHER. LOOKING IN THROUGH HER BEDROOM WINDOW GETS HARDER EVERY SINGLE DAY. YOU KNEW SHE WASN'T PERFECT, BUT YOU WERE OKAY WITH THAT... NOBODY IS PERFECT. BUT SOMETIMES YOU WONDER IF YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW THAT SIDE OF HER. YOU KIND OF HOPE YOU WERE.

Secrets:

The Small Stuff: At UCLA, Harvey found his way into an underground fight club, which he quickly grew to adore. Rising through the ranks with remarkable speed, Harvey learned that the best way to stop someone looking at you funny is to make sure he can’t see straight. Now, back in Cherry, his entire body itches for a fight he can’t find a release for.

The Big Stuff: YOU WERE ARRESTED FOR AGGRAVATED ASSAULT AT YOUR LAST COLLEGE, AND SHOULD HAVE FACED JAIL TIME. THANKS TO YOUR FATHER'S MONEY, THE PROBLEM WAS HIDDEN IN THE SHADOWS AND YOU WERE ALLOWED TO QUIETLY TRANSFER... BUT YOU KNOW IT CAN'T BE THAT SIMPLE. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE IN THE GANG WHO WAS PLANNING TO COME BACK TO CHERRY ANYWAY, BUT YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TELL ANYONE. IF EVEN ONE PERSON FOUND OUT ABOUT WHAT YOU AND YOUR FATHER DID, IT WOULD END YOUR CAREER BEFORE IT EVEN STARTED, AND COST YOUR FATHER HIS OWN. AKA, YOU WOULD BOTH BE ROYALLY FUUUUUUUCKED. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT NOBODY WOULD EVER LOOK AT YOU THE SAME.

The Interview:

“HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW THAT EVERYONE IS BACK IN CHERRY?”

The grin that stretched across Harvey’s face was wide and bright and he leaned forward in the chair, that one too-short leg of it rocking forward to hit the ground as Harvey leaned forwards towards Clarissa. Only someone that knew the boy well would have caught the tension running along the sides of his eyes that pulled on the smile, making it appear just a touch brittle. “Oh it’s great,” Harvey said, voice carrying easily through the small room. “This is where we all came from, this is what made us all who we are and now…” Harvey trailed off, swallowing around a lump in his throat. The smile had faded entirely but with effort, Harvey managed to bring it back, though it was a pale shadow of its original form. “With Lux gone, I think we’re going to need each other. Or, well, most of each other. There are some people I could have gone my entire life without seeing again!” A light laugh punctuated that statement, but the creak of wood underneath Harvey’s hands as they gripped the wooden arm of the chair with a white-knuckled tension spoke louder than the laughter.

He consciously relaxed his hand, before bringing it over to smooth down a non-existent wrinkle in his pants. He knew coming here without a drink or three was a bad idea. Harvey didn’t think about the bags that had remained unpacked since he had gotten back to town that now lay scattered along his dorm room like soldiers on a battlefield, quietly saying that tomorrow, surely, he would leave. He didn’t think about the ever-growing hole in the plaster he was hiding in his closet. It had formed when he heard the news, that everyone, everyone minus Lux was back, for better or for worse. The worse, Harvey had reflected in those rare moments of peace that he only ever found in the moments after a punch was thrown, seemed far more likely, given the fucking bullshit of the past few years. No, Harvey didn’t think about any of this, and just smiled at Clarissa instead. “It’s definitely going to be interesting.” And that was the most honest thing he had said thus far.

“WHERE DO YOU SPEND MOST OF YOUR FREE TIME?”

“Well,” Harvey began, leaning towards Clarissa with an expression well-known in town forming across his face. It was the look he got when he was flirting and was supposed to make him look mysterious and yet approachable. Whether or not it actually did that, Harvey had no idea. No one had ever bothered to tell him. It seemed to work often enough for him to believe it had some validity. “If you’re wondering where you might find me for a bit of fun, you can always check the track. I’m usually there in the mornings before class. If that doesn’t work, you can probably find me on the beach, or at the best party in town.” He winked. “I know how to have a good time. If you’re ever looking for one, hit me up.”

That all was true. Harvey wasn’t in the habit of lying to beautiful women, after all. Not if it meant some fun could be had in the future. Lying about everything else? Yeah, sure, that’s fair game, but not that. It just fit too well with the rest of how people expected Harvey to be for him to not take full advantage. Plus, it was fun. But even though it might have been true, that didn’t make it fully honest. Harvey would never tell anyone, though, just how much time he spent in The Pit, or how the sounds of The Garage provided a steady pounding noise that focused Harvey like nothing else as he hung around it hoping to one day ask for a job. But that wasn’t the charming athletic party boy his father had told him to become, or else, and so those places, the places that saw more of Harvey than anywhere else, remained a secret.

“WOULD YOU CALL YOURSELF POPULAR?

It was the first genuine sound Harvey thought he had made during the entire time he had been in that room, and it punctured the air like a pin through a balloon. “I wouldn’t go that far,” Harvey hedged, using his hands to make his point, “I don’t exactly have a huge friend group and there’s a few people in town now that I’m pretty damn sure aren’t my biggest fan.” Harvey shrugged with one shoulder, the hand of the other going up to scratch behind his ear in a nervous gesture he never quite managed to break. “But yeah, I guess, if you wanted to, you could call me that. I was quarterback, you know, and definitely never had problems getting any dates to the dances. If that’s all popularity is, then I guess you could call me a popular kind of guy.”

They never ask what all that costs, Harvey reflected. The thought sent a bolt of fury, bright and true like lightning, straight through his body into his gut. He shifted slightly in the chair which rocked with the movement. Harvey shifted again and it rocked back. He decided not to move again any time soon. The noise of it made that burning in his chest that much stronger and he could feel his jaw clenching with the effort it took to appear unaffected. Not for the first time, Harvey thanked his lucky stars he had as much practice with that as he did. He also cursed them in equal measure, for forcing his shoulders to learn to carry that weight without crumbling. But what was it that Dad always said? ‘No one expects you to change anything, Harvey. All we ask you to do is soldier through to the other side’? Words to live by, apparently. He couldn’t stop the snort that escaped at that thought, but he waved off Clarissa’s curious look. “Sorry. Old joke from the locker room. Nothing you’d want to hear.”

“DO YOU REALLY THINK LUX KILLED HERSELF? ”

“I do.” The words came easily, without thought. Harvey knew he had thought about this a lot, considered it while laying in bed or while driving to the next party. It forced its way into nearly every moment of his life, and though he had done his best to drown it out, Harvey hadn’t managed to yet. “I lived next door to her, right? Our bedrooms were right across from each other and I knew she wasn’t perfect. I think she knew I wasn’t perfect either. But I saw things, overheard things.” He shrugged again, this time with both shoulders. “It wasn’t easy on her and I think she just took the fastest way out she could.” The smile that came across Harvey’s face now was tinged in heartbreak and the weights he felt ties to his shoulders every day. “I kinda get why she did it, too. There’s only so long you can tread water before your arms and legs just give out and you drown.” He shifted backwards and the chair moved with him. “I’ve seen it happen. I’ve had it happen.”

Headcanons:

While Harvey is majoring in business, this is entirely because this is what his father expected of him, and as he’s spent his entire life living up to those expectations, it seemed easier, at the time, to just go along with it. He doesn’t like it though.

That old muscle car Harvey drives is the last thing he has of his mother, who died when he was seven. She willed that car to him and he treats it better than he treats some people. It is his most prized possession.

Harvey knows that in order to leave town like he desperately wants, he needs a job to get his own money. But getting a job would lead to questions from his father, from people around town, everyone. He can’t have that. Harvey has a reputation to maintain after all, and so he feels as if he’s in a form of limbo right now.

Lux and Harvey used to sneak out through their bedroom windows, sometimes helping the other get across the roof or down onto the pavement below. Harvey fondly remembers those times, how it all felt like a secret he was in on that no one else knew about. There was a unity in it, an understanding that they were both running away from something. Now that Harvey wants to leave Cherry for real, he almost feels an obligation to do it for Lux.

The man is heterosexual, almost to a fault. He has absolutely forgotten to attend get-togethers with friends or to finish up homework in favor of a date with a beautiful woman.

His favorite subject in high school, much to the surprise of all that knew him, was English. He really enjoyed discussing the books. Writing the papers, however, was a real drag and his work never really reflected his understanding of the material. This only lead more to the perpetuation of the “dumb jock” stereotype as he talked a lot but got horrible grades. Despite this, he bought a copy of every book they read and kept them.

Harvey’s favorite kinds of movies are action-comedies. His favorite movie is Ghostbusters but he has a secret soft-spot for movies like The Dead Poet’s Society and Sixteen Candles. He would, however, break the nose of anyone that shared this piece of information.

He failed his driver’s test three different times because he kept blowing through red lights.

He is allergic to strawberries. This was discovered back in Kindergarten with a snack that had strawberry jam. It caused his throat to swell up and for him to be sent to the hospital. This was the first time Harvey was at the center of the school’s focus but it wouldn’t be the last. Harvey grew to love the idea of being at the focus of everything and turned to sports to fulfill that desire.

#cusaintro #introduction #✵ musings #✵ inspiration

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drabbledragon · 4 years

Text

Linktober: Graveyard

Here’s the start of Nocturne of Shadows week!

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26749021/chapters/65839948

Summary: A few Links have something in common, and wonder why that is.

Warnings: Mentions of death but nothing too graphic

Day 7: Graveyard

It was cold and rainy when the Links arrived in Legend’s Hyrule. It was good that they ended up so close to the castle, because a majority of them were unsure if they could go another half - day’s trip to the nearest inn with how exhausted they were. As soon as the castle guards caught sight of their resident hero, the group was immediately led inside with open arms and welcoming smiles, and had no qualms about bringing the Links to this Hyrule’s Zelda.

A full - course meal was a nice surprise for them. After they had gotten the chance to check in with the princess, the staff had eagerly ushered them into the royal dining room where every food known to man stood freshly prepared on the table, the warmth radiating from the meals almost palpable in the air. The afternoon was spent with light banter and hums of satisfaction as the heroes easily chatted with each other, enjoying the taste of real food and simply being grateful that they didn’t have to spend another night sleeping in a monster - infested forest. Soon late noon had turned into early evening, and the heroes took to doing whatever they wanted to do: from writing letters to reading books to whittling to sleeping, all the Links were busy doing something.

“Hey, you see that?”

Twilight stopped in his tracks and directed curious eyes towards Wild’s direction, following the latter’s gaze to where a castle window stood. He squinted past the clear panes to get a better look at what his protege was so interested in, and finally drew his brows together when he caught sight of a lone figure sitting in the heavy rain.

He leaned forward as he noted, “ Red tunic, blond hair … that’s Legend, isn’t it? What’s he doing out there?”

The clack of heels didn’t become evident until they were just a few steps away from the two heroes, and both of them turned just in time to catch Fable, Legend’s Zelda, looking through the window alongside them.

She scrunched up her eyes as she searched around outside, and when she finally found the person of interest, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“It’s that day already, huh,” She murmured as she drew back. “ Felt like it’d only been yesterday since he last did this.”

The two others were quiet for a second, before Twilight hesitantly spoke up.

“If you don’t mind me asking, Princess, but I’d like to know why Link is outside on a day like this.”

“That’s none of your concern, now is it?”

The both of them were taken aback by the sharp words, but her tone held no bite. She appeared solemn and serious, not a single bit of her boisterous and mischievous personality to be found.

She soon continued her steady pace down the halls again, eyes trained carefully ahead as if the harsh rain outside did nothing to faze her; but before she was able to round the corner, she paused and quietly said,

“Link is at the Royal Graveyard, mourning someone he had lost two years ago.”

Her words were weighty, and they were enough to make Twilight and Wild feel like a wave had crashed down on them. They were at a loss for words, and neither of them made any move to pry more information from the princess or even bother to stop her from disappearing from view; the two simply stood there in stunned silence, acutely aware of the little rain droplets that dribbled down the window.

It was Wild who finally broke the silence when he said, “ I’m gonna go talk to him.”

“Wait, seriously? Don’t you think he could use a little alone time? He’s usually really keen about settling things on his own, especially when it comes to people.”

“I know that but I...” The Hero of Wilds bit his lip for a moment as he glanced between his mentor and the window. “ … but I just have a feeling. Listen, I’ll hang out there for a sec, and if he really wants to be left alone, then I’ll leave, okay? Promise.”

Twilight opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it. If there was anyone that could deal with mourning and loss in the group, it was Wild, and if his instincts told him to go to Legend, Twilight wouldn’t even second - guess it. He held his breath as he watched his protege’s retreating form, hoping with all his heart that his cub was right on this one.

It didn’t take long for Wild to find the graveyard - just a left, a right, another quick left, down the stairs and he was there, the rain’s cold chill already beginning to settle in his bones. He carefully made his way through the neatly lined graves, and didn’t stop until he found Legend silently kneeling in front of a particular stone.

The Hero of Legend looked worse for wear: his blond hair was pasted haphazardly to his face and neck, and his red tunic was soaked with the rain from above and the mud from below. He looked weary from where he stood, and his shoulders were hunched forward as if the weight of the world were pressing down on them, forcing him back to the ground whenever he had an inkling of hope that he might be able to stand up and walk away.

This was a different Legend, Wild frowned, not the gruff and testy teen they all knew and loved, but rather a young boy who had seen one too many destroyed towns, fought one too many battles, and saw one too many people die because of him. The Hero of Wilds felt his heart break at the sight.

“Go away.”

That was Legend’s voice, but his tone was low and raspy, holding none of its usual fire. Despite the other’s command, the champion tightened the grip on his cloak and took a step forward.

“Legend, you shouldn’t be alone here.”

“I want to.”

“You say that but you don’t mean it.”

“I do.”

“Look, I know what you’re going thro -”

“Hylia, Wild, just take the hint and leave!”

The outburst was enough to shut Wild up, and prevented him from taking another step. He stood quietly as he watched Legend’s head dip lower, and he had to strain his hearing in order to hear the other murmur out,

“Please, just leave.”

He could’ve sworn that it started to rain harder, like Hylia herself was crying for Legend’s loss. The graveyard became enveloped in a misty fog, and any semblance of the evening moon was covered up by gray clouds that refused to leave. The Hero of Wilds stood still for a few seconds before eventually settling himself on the muddy ground, just a row away from where Legend’s loved one resided. With a steadying breath, he began,

“I used to have a lot of friends and family, y’know. According to Zelda, I used to be one of the most loved soldiers in all of Hyrule, and the pride and joy of my family. I lived with my mom and dad and sister in a little house in Hateno, and the people there told me that I used to spend the whole day playing with the village kids until the sun setted. My dad was a knight, and the whole reason I was even discovered to be Hylia’s Chosen was because one of the visiting soldiers saw that I could wield a sword at the age of five. It’s kinda weird, right? Having a bunch of old guys watch a little kid wave a sword around.”

Wild looked up to see if his attempt at humor had worked, but Legend remained as still and silent as before.

“And Zelda said I was thrown into the army by the next night. She said she remembered me following my dad around like a lost puppy, and I barely talked to anyone, even when they were asking questions directly to me. I made friends with Mipha and Daruk really quick, and then Zelda and Urbosa and Revali; I wouldn’t talk to them no matter what, but Zelda said Daruk and Revali were doing most of the talking anyway, so it didn’t really matter. I would spend the whole day training instead of playing, and she said I almost never went home because Rhoam forced me to stay so I could protect the castle and the royal family. My dad went home to my mom and sister, and Mipha, Daruk, Urbosa, and Revali all went home to their families, and I was the only one left.”

“I was alone, and Zelda started to hate me because of how annoying I was. Soon everyone started to hate me because of how much Rhoam loved me, and I couldn’t do a single thing about it. I was told that since I was a hero chosen by the Goddess, I had to do whatever the kingdom wanted me to do, and whatever I thought didn’t matter; it was always protect Zelda and do whatever the king asked. I missed out on a lot: my childhood, my friends, my family, all because I was supposed to be some legendary hero.” He choked out a watery laugh. “ Now I can’t even remember any of that: I can’t remember my mom’s or my dad’s or my sister’s faces, I can’t remember how the soldiers used to treat me before they started to hate me, I can’t remember the places Mipha, Daruk, Urbosa, Revali, and Zelda used to take me - I can’t remember anything. I’m just some former champion that was nearly killed by the Calamity 100 years ago, and I have feelings that I can’t explain the reason of.”

Wild’s throat grew tight with emotion, and he did his best not to let the sobs wrack his body. A small part of his brain reminded him that no, he shouldn’t be throwing himself a pity party, he should be comforting Legend, but he couldn’t help it. It was all so unfair: all the other Links could remember their friends and family even if they were long gone but Wild was the only one who couldn’t; all he could remember were fragments of his time under Rhoam and whatever his Zelda told him to be true. He was a blank and empty slate that could barely remember his friends and family but still held a myriad of emotions towards them.

He wondered if he should just go on in life pretending that the last 117 years didn’t happen - that all the good and bad memories he had of his friends and families were all due to vivid fever dreams.

“My uncle died two years ago.”

The champion was caught off guard when Legend finally spoke, and although the former was barely holding it together, he did his best to listen to the other’s soft words.

“It was when I was on another adventure. I came back to the castle as soon as I was back in Hyrule, and the moment I stepped inside, I saw Zelda waiting there with my uncle’s sword and shield. She didn’t need to say a thing; by the way she looked at me, I knew what was up: my uncle was dead, stabbed by an Armos when he least expected it. She told me the death was quick, and that the soldiers travelling along with him made sure he died as comfortably as possible. They said his last words were ‘tell Link I’m proud of him’, but I don’t know if that’s what he actually said; maybe the soldiers were just trying to make me feel better.”

“I was locked up in my house for days, and no matter how many times the castle’s soldiers tried to break down my door and threaten me, I wouldn’t leave. I was depressed, and I didn’t want anything to do with Hyrule anymore. He was everything to me: he took me in when my parents were trapped in the Dark World, he taught me how to fight and wield a sword, and he gave me all the unconditional love I could ever ask for.” He tilted his head up to the sky, and Wild wasn’t sure if it was rain or tears falling from his face. “ I wonder if things would’ve changed if I was back home instead of out there adventuring - if I just became a regular soldier at Hyrule Castle instead of being a Goddess - forsaken hero.”

His frame was shaking, but his voice stayed strong and firm. “ I miss him more than anything in the world, but I don’t regret having any memories of him, and you shouldn’t regret having any memories of your friends and family either, no matter how little they are.”

It was ironic, the champion thought: here Legend and Wild were, two links in the same heroic chain, that were supposed to be selfless and loyal and a beacon of hope to the citizens of Hyrule, crying in a graveyard. They had been through their own set of adventures, faced their own trials and tribulations, but they both still had the same feelings as a citizen towards death. They were two broken kids who just wanted to enjoy a happy life.

Wild took in a shuddering breath and quietly asked, “ Do you think people die because we’re Chosen Heroes?”

Legend’s answer was short and simple, not an inking of hesitance in his voice, “ Yes.”

#linkeduniverse #hero of legend #hero of wilds #fanfic #linktober2020

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silver-wield · 4 years

Text

The Promise Analysis (Cloti)

Sorry about that, Nonny, I relate the promise between Tifa and Cloud to some of the stuff that happens during their resolution and went full tin hatter on it.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis)

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog)

Tifa character analysis

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory)

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti)

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis

Cloti reunion analysis

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recapping for anyone who's forgotten the basics – cause I assume by this point you're ok with spoilers and me pointing that out is kinda dumb lol

So, chapter 4 and it's mission time with the trio – I love these dorks, especially Wedge, he is my child and if he's dead Imma riot. Jessie is off being sneaky and it's up to Cloud and co to play tag with the security team.

As Charlie Biggs (if you got the ref kudos) explains the plan, Cloud looks up at the night sky — which is a whole lot different to the one we fade up to and I personally wonder what it was about that sky that made him recall the promise to Tifa. Was it just the fact he'd been talking to her and it was his first time he'd paid attention to it? Before that he was under the plate and before that he was in the reactor, so I guess it's safe to assume this is his first chance to relate the two things.

Ok, after the fade in, we're treated to a pretty damn romantic set up. The water tower, the night sky and lil Cloud waiting for Tifa.

In the OG it mentions he waited for so long he started getting really cold, but he stuck it out because he wanted to see her and hoped she'd show. That's an OG lifestream detail not in the first OG promise scene, but let's assume for now it's gonna get a callback in the Remake. That means bby Cloud has been sitting there waiting for Tifa for a while now.

Ok, call her a thirteen year old bitch if you feel good about yourselves here, but she's thirteen and her dad is super overprotective. He stopped Cloud from playing with Tifa after she had an accident at 8 that wasn't Cloud's fault and in fact if he hadn't been there she'd have died on the mountain because nobody would've known where she was. Ok? Ok.

So, he's been waiting, and it's clear he's nervous – he looks so fucking cute I just can't stand it! Nervous fidgeting, balled fist, head down, mouth pulled into a pretty grim line. He thinks she's not coming, but still he's waiting for her.

Sorry, just to further hit home the above points. That is the face of a boy who is desperately hoping the girl he likes is gonna show, but has half given up hope. There's sadness in his eyes and a tensing along his jaw line. This boy is disappointed and my heart breaks for him.

Going back to that focus in on Cloud's eyes before the flashback and we can see here the massive difference mako makes to the colour. Cloud's eyes are a deep blue, while his mako infused eyes are blue/green. I get why he goes on about them a lot because he's probably not used to seeing them like that yet; maybe he never will be. Tifa's comment was about the look in his eyes – which I touched on in a comment I made while replaying. Tifa isn't focused on the colour, she's dismayed he has such a hard look in his eyes and when you compare the look in this boy's eyes, it's clear to see what she's getting at. This Cloud is the real Cloud and he is soft as fuck and trying to look tough.

GODDAMNIT!! There's way too many good moments to grab for this analysis! Look at this precious boy! All but folding under the weight of disappointment! But, what's this in the bg? Our heroine, here at last!

If anyone anyone tries to say Cloud didn't have a great stonking crush on Tifa as a kid then please tell me what this means if it isn't he's gutted he's waited and waited and she didn't show.

We don't know why she's late – maybe Remake will clear that up for us – but I'm guessing she couldn't sneak out or maybe, judging by the amount she's dressed up, she was doing the typical girly thing and couldn't decide what to wear, asking herself if this is a date and second guessing why Cloud called her to the water tower – which is known as a romantic meeting place. Whatever the reason, she's thirteen, sheltered – thanks to her dad – and naturally shy. Maybe she worried herself into a state about whether she should go and had to find her courage to meet Cloud. She likes him just as much as he likes her remember. It's canon, don't argue.

Now, her face is this bit is out of focus, but that's nothing to my weirdly myopic eagle eyes – it's a very specific gift. Tifa's smiling. That we can tell even before she's fully in shot. There's a bunching of the cheek muscles that tells us that. She's pleased he's still there. Obviously, she can't read his body language, but she'd probably be a bit upset to realise she upset him. Because she's not actually a bitch like some people like to claim. Sorry, but she's thirteen. How threatened are yall that you gotta call a thirteen year old girl a bitch and try to erase how important she is in Cloud's childhood just to further your own ends? Seriously, get help.

Sorry for the janky, but this is a transition between focus so it's not gonna be great anyway. Here we can see Cloud's expression when Tifa says heya. Eyes open, wide with surprise. She showed. That's what his face is saying. He's trying hard not to show his emotions too much – I mean he is still Cloud and too cool for all that nonsense – but he's relieved. Maybe his heart even skips a beat, but I'm speculating. Her greeting is casual, reserved. Tifa. She’s being cute even though he’s not looking because she wants him to think she’s cute.

Tifa, ever respectful and respectable sits the right amount of difference away that both encourages Cloud she's interested in being near him, but doesn't over encourage him and make him think of her in a negative way. She's likely cultivated this on purpose – she's the mayor's daughter so she's always got to be proper – because she's got a lot of male friends and having any of them get the wrong idea would be bad. You'll notice in her other flashbacks where the boys feature that she's not sitting too close to any of them and they're running around her, not touching or anything. They're satellites that revolve around her because she is untouchable to them. Because she's the mayor's daughter and has to be a good girl all the time. This is further evidence that goes towards Tifa's overall personality. She's very careful and respectful to people. She doesn't go out of her way to offend anyone unless she has no choice. Though she's a skilled fighter, she's very slow to anger and tries to look on the bright side as much as she can, despite the tragedy in her life. (I'm gushing, I know, but she's such a great multifaceted character and way more than the tropes people shove on her to make her into nothing).

Where was I?

Right. So, in direct contrast to their later conversation during the chapter 14 resolution, here we see Cloud with his back to Tifa and her with her head tilting, inviting him to confide in her. Yes, there really are that many awesome parallels purposely inserted in this game and that's why you need to take more than one look.

From her face we can conclude she's optimistic. She's smiling and doesn't look like someone who's expecting a bomb to drop any second – Cloud if you only turned around you wouldn't have gone through this shit. Sure, you'd have likely died when Sephiroth came to town, but hey, you'd have gone out with your childhood sweetheart lol

What she's probably expecting is for Cloud – who has purposely invited her to the watertower hot dating spot – to ask her out. And since she's there and dressed up, we could conclude she'd accept him.

Cloud is trying to find the cool words he wants to say that'll motivate Tifa to miss him, maybe even push her into saying, “No, don't go,” because even though he's fourteen, Cloud is no good at talking to women. This is just one of his character traits. It's why we wanna strangle him over the Triangle. Bby Cloud is hardly better than adult Cloud, but at least bby Cloud knows he likes Tifa.

Bomb dropped. Kaboom. Poor bby Tifa. Look how disappointed and upset she is. She wasn't expecting this one bit! She looked so hopeful in the seconds before Cloud's hesitant declaration, only it wasn't the kind she hoped for. I wouldn't go so far as to say she's crushed, but she's upset, that's for sure. Her brows have come together and she's turned away from Cloud because she doesn't want him to see how she looks in this moment. She's trying to put a brave face on it, but bby Tifa isn't as good as her grown up self. You can see the mouth trying to form a smile, but the eyes have a different expression in them.This is again seen in chapter 14 when Tifa tries to put a brave face on for Cloud before breaking down.

Shots fired! Tifa goes for dismissive and succeeds! Never mess with a girl with a crush lol

Cloud was trying to get a reaction out of her, but she got one out of him instead. Brave face wins. Well, what did you expect? She's the mayor's daughter and raised on being proper.

He stutters that he's not like the other boys – so cute – and shows off his lofty dreams. He's trying so hard to impress her. He only has these dreams because of the incident when they were smaller where her father said if Cloud can't take care of Tifa then he has no right being around her. This is what drove Cloud to distance himself from Tifa and her friends. Talk about shoving an inferiority complex and identity disorder on a kid. I get it, the mayor was worried about his daughter, but Cloud didn't deserve the bear the brunt of his anger and blame. Still, the fact that nine year old Cloud took that, held onto it for five years and still decided to pursue Tifa by becoming a SOLDIER has huge meaning for them. He was nine. Ok, for argument's sake let's say he didn't have a crush on her, but they were friends and he was told he wasn't good enough to hang with her. So, thanks to propaganda he gets it in his head that SOLDIERS are the best and if he's one of them he'll be good enough for her father to let him see Tifa again. We're not told at any point – nor shown it – that Tifa is only interested in Cloud if he's this elite who can impress her. Remember, she already likes him. Look at what she's wearing compared to him ffs. This girl – again – dressed for a date with Mr Oblivious. Yes, I'm rolling my eyes. Yes, I want to smack him upside the head. Yes, I know he's 14, I meant adult Cloud.

Back to it. The look on his face here is one of “she thinks I'm like the others? I'll prove I'm not. I'm better than that. I can be next to her if I prove myself.” At this point, he's definitely gone from wanting to be around her in a friendship capacity to borderline romantic. I mean, he did call her out to the watertower. Did I mention that? A few times? Because it's significant. He's frustrated she compared him to her friends – no she didn't friendzone him, she likes him. He thinks she friendzoned him. Kids are frustrating and the adult versions aren't much better.

Shots fired part two! Points to Cloud this time! Smug lil fucker, I see that smirk!

Okay, so Cloud says he's gonna be like Sephiroth and at this point in time Sephiroth isn't batshit crazy, he's someone to be admired. Tifa to be fair, doesn't sound impressed, but she's humouring Cloud. Then, she says, “Isn't it hard to become a SOLDIER?” And Cloud replies with “Yes, so I won't be back for a long time.”

Okay, now. This is definitely to get a reaction. The smirk on his face is saying that he's partly getting her back for her earlier shot and partly trying to goad a reaction from her because he thinks he didn't get one before – this is why eye contact matters.

Tifa, for her part, doesn't look happy. He's got a reaction out of her, but it'd be really super helpful if he was facing her to see it. Because he isn't, she can get away with a breezy reply that makes him think she doesn't care.

I'm sorry, can I just say serves you right and leave it at that? Seriously, Cloud, don't mess with girls when you can barely form coherent sentences most of the time. What did he expect? She'd throw herself on him, clinging, crying and begging him not to go? Probably. Once again, our angsty hero is on the backfoot in their conversation. This is why eye contact matters. He's looking a bit gutted at her reaction. He likely hoped for more and got far less than he wanted. It's no wonder he goes to Midgar and doesn't approach her when he comes back as a grunt. He's carrying this presumed disappointment around with him that stops him from seeing her. (I can't really go more into CC events since I haven't played it and I've only seen a few bits and pieces, but what I got from it was Cloud is an idiot.)

Tifa asking if he'll be in the papers is both a brush off towards his baiting and also she's trying to encourage him. This is his dream. He called her out of the house late at night to tell her – just her – that this is what he's gonna do. Of course she won't stop him. She's not that kind of girl. She's supportive and kind. She doesn't understand that Cloud's doing it for her – I honestly don't think it enters her mind at any point until he reveals it OG during the lifestream sequence. She's pretty much as oblivious as he is and assumes they're just really close friends and her attraction is all one sided; same as he does about her.

Ah ha! Tifa thinks, realising that Cloud's lukewarm effort to be in the papers won't be enough to satisfy her. If Cloud's going to become a SOLDIER, then he'll be a hero – like Sephiroth. What do heroes do? Save people. He said he won't be home for a long time, but there's even less guarantee he'd come back at all, and she wants to see him again, even if it's just once. She can't leave Nibelheim. As the mayor's daughter she's got responsibilities to the people there – even though the town is dying out and nobody new is settling. Eventually, she'll be the only person her age left and maybe never hear from any of her friends again. But, she can't leave. She can't abandon the people. She'll be left, alone and lonely, until everyone’s gone. Her life wasted. But, she could see Cloud again and that makes her optimistic. Maybe she wouldn't mind the time so much if she thought she'd get to see him again. See that at least he's pursuing his dreams and he's happy with the direction his life took. Maybe she'd get one grand romantic gesture in her life if SOLDIER Cloud could save her.

Confused boi is confused. From Cloud's pov, he doesn't understand this odd request. He hasn't thought about Tifa saying everyone leaving means she's alone. He's only seen this from his pov, so he can't see why Tifa would need saving or how he would even know she needs him. He doesn't realise it's her way of trying to get some guarantee they'll meet again.

I mean, we can see he's trying to understand her. He's actually turned to look at her this time and his expression is searching, like he's looking for clues why she said this. He also invites her to explain by making a verbal cue.

And now that Cloud has her full attention – you know, the thing he was trying to get all along – he doesn't know what to do with it. He's flustered and awkward, and she's cajoling and turning on the charm, which she likely has in spades because mayor's daughter. I know I say that like it's a personality trait, but in part it is. She's had to learn decorum and everything that goes with it. She needs manners and good behaviour. She has to be just enough of an extrovert that she can attend functions – because even though I know I said the town is dying, they still have a reactor and that means they still get visits from important people. She can't show her dad or town up. In the Resolution analysis I made I said she hasn't been allowed to show emotion for five years since she arrived in Midgar, but it's very likely she's never been allowed to show much emotion. She's gotta be the doll. So, since she can't show she's sad, she goes for positive, and Cloud's frowning because he's not sure how he'll keep this promise she wants so bad and if she isn't interested in him then why is she asking for one anyway? Remember, they just did a do-si-do with each other's feelings acting like they don't like each other.

But then, oh look! Oh look! In the face of Tifa's unrelenting cheer and optimism, Cloud starts to smile. Eyes soften and the slightest lift at the corner of his mouth. He's starting to like the idea of being her hero. And it's just once and maybe from that one time save things would move forward for them. He's definitely not opposed to the idea – especially since he's the one who brings it up with Tifa later and she's pretty embarrassed at the reminder. The confusion from before could be because he thought she wasn't serious, but looking her dead in the eye – this is why eye contact matters – he sees she's serious. She wants him to be her hero. She wants to see him again and even offers a get out clause by saying “just once.” He doesn't have to do it forever or whenever she wants, just once. So, she can have hope she'll see him again some day.

And now we're back with the big idiot, who squeezes his eyes shut as he remembers Tifa in the bar earlier saying she feels trapped. Guilt likely pinches. Maybe he wonders if this was a hint she wanted his help – I'm wavering on this because she does say later she didn't expect this kind of thing when she asked for his promise – but if we go by choice of words alone it's leading. Then again, bby Tifa uses the word trapped, so it could just be a word that she feels comfortable using to describe her feelings. How we speak is made up of specific words we go to that feel right when we say them. It's just one of those things and why not everyone speaks the same even when they're from the same region or you have friend groups where you speak one way and other groups where you speak another.

From the dev pov I'm assuming it's meant to be a callback to the promise, but I wouldn't put it on Tifa doing it purposely to encourage Cloud to help her. If that makes sense.

And we close off with Cloud clenching his fist and resolving to help Tifa. To keep his promise.

At no point do we have confirmation from Tifa that the reason she asked Cloud to make a promise was to get a favour off him.

Conclusion

This is actually a very tragic scene from Tifa's pov. I've seen some people say this is because she's a young girl acting like a fairy princess, but I can't marry that idea with the gritty themes FF7 portrayed, and Remake does still hit those notes. Tifa is a young girl who had her romantic hopes dashed and she's looking for some kind of consolation from the boy she likes. He's leaving her. They're all leaving her. She'll be alone. She just wants hope that she'll see him again.

Is it manipulative? Yeah, ok, if that's how you see it. She's thirteen. Did I mention that? I'll say it again. She's thirteen, and one of the last people her age in town. Soon, she's gonna be the only one her age. She's lonely and doesn't want to lose everyone in her life. If you say that's manipulative by asking her crush make a promise so she can have hope she'd see him again, then go off I guess.

And let's touch on hope. Tifa is someone who has a lot of enduring hope – this is why I initially linked the ask to the resolution scene because the theme of hope runs through both. Tifa gets knocked down a lot. She's almost died several times, lost people close to her when they left town, lost Cloud when he left and still found a way to go on. She was never a damsel or trying to be one. She's wearing a cute dress because Cloud asked her out. She thought it was a date. Or she wanted it to be. And since when does wearing a dress make someone a weakling? Or does it only apply to Tifa because convenience?

After Cloud leaves, Tifa begins training every day. She learns from a master and develops her skills until she's at the peak. I mean, you've seen her fight. She kicks all the ass.

She wasn't sitting around like a damsel waiting for an opportunity for Cloud to come and save her. She got on with her life. She was happy at times, sad others. It was normal. She missed Cloud, I know that much from CC. She dressed up – again – hoping he'd be part of the group inspecting the reactor. She was disappointed when he wasn't there.

The promise between them wasn't about furthering a childhood romance or making Tifa someone Cloud couldn't get over. Neither of them was aware the other had feelings. It was awkward mutual oblivious crushing that clearly carried on for another two years until Cloud showed up with Zack, but didn't appear before Tifa because he’s that kind of idiot.

And what happened during the trip? Well, a lot of stuff, but the thing I know about is Sephiroth went batshit cray cray and slaughtered everyone in the town and then burnt it to the ground. He nearly killed Tifa. Cloud was there and that's what we see in his headache flashes about “I let you down again”.

He carries a lot of guilt about not being Tifa's hero, which is why he tries so hard to protect her. He made a promise to her that part of him believes he hasn't kept, but if it wasn't for him, she'd be dead. Again. He did save her. And he keeps on saving her. Not because of the debt of a promise but because he wants to be her hero. The real Cloud that's hidden deep within him, the one that made the original promise, the one that almost died saving her and got stuffed in a mako chamber for years until Zack rescued him, that Cloud wants to be Tifa's hero.

That's why after he recalls this moment – and it's one of the ones where he doesn't have a headache at all (just thought I'd mention that because certain people go on about how a specific scene is all Cloud not headachey Cloud whatever) – that he becomes focused on helping Tifa. He opens up both to her and others – check the camaraderie with the trio after the mission and him offering to walk Wedge home.

This recollection of a promise is the first step for the real Cloud to finding his way back. That's why it anchors his development and that's why his and Tifa's relationship will never be less than something deep and meaningful.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #cloti #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #the promise #Cloud Strife #Tifa Lockheart

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shes-fast-like-me · 4 years

Text

i know how much it matters to you

AO3 Link

Pairing(s): Established Lifetane, Gibby x his boyfriend

Word Count: 1,791

Warnings: Mentions of childhood neglect and bad parents, discussion of mental illness and trauma, alcohol. (Tell me if you feel anything else should be tagged!)

may was borderline personality disorder awareness month (alongside being adhd awareness and mental health awareness month in general) so i decided to project onto my fave. the symptoms of it aren’t 100% being portrayed here but this is something i feel like a lot of us relate to so?? idk man emotional impermanence be like that

=+=+=+=

"Here comes the big man himself!" Elliott called, twisting around in his seat to wave Makoa over to sit with them in the living space.

"Show us the ring!" Ajay beamed as the tall man made his way over to the other Legends gathered around their small makeshift coffee table. He held out his hand, a rather dainty bejeweled silver ring on his ring finger. Everyone cooed over it.

"You're so lucky, man," Elliott said, handing Makoa a beer as he sat down on the couch next to him, "congrats."

"Aye, thanks bruddahs," Makoa grinned from ear to ear. The man was always bright and full of smiles but Octavio swore he has never seen him this happy. He was almost radiant.

"When's the weddin'?" Ajay asked, sitting back against Octavio's side and sipping on her mocktail. She always hated alcohol so the drink was as fruity and non-alcoholic as Elliott could possibly mix up.

"Spring of next year," Makoa said, "We want some time on our honeymoon before the next season, so,"

Everyone nodded in agreement. The season breaks between spring and summer were a little longer than the autumn to winter breaks and since Makoa was proposed to this spring it gave them extra time to plan everything. Makoa and his fiancé had relatives all over the Frontier and would probably want to plan the wedding at a time when the most family members could attend. And the other Legends, of course.

"So," Octavio set his empty cocktail glass down and picked up a can of beer off the table. He could get a little drunk, it was only their first night back onto the dropship, the new season kicking off in two days. "Any idea for wedding gifts?"

He was loaded. He could afford pretty much anything they wanted.

"Ah, no, it's no problem, bruddah-"

"No, no, I insist," He decided to pour the beer into his empty glass anyway, not wanting to waste the ice cubes still sitting at the bottom, "anything you like, I got it."

Makoa laughed. "Just you showing up is enough for me."

"Alright," Octavio sat down into the headrest but still decided he was going to buy Makoa and his fiancé something anyway. After all, that's what you do at weddings, right? Octavio has been to many weddings before, many of them being his own father's, and the couple was always gifted a fancy car or yacht or something of the sort.

He mostly just tuned out the rest of the conversation. Talk of weddings always reminded him of his dad and how weddings were a near weekly occurance for him. He wanted to go for Makoa's sake, of course, and he would force himself to even if Ajay told him it was okay to stay home if it got too overwhelming. He'd just get blackout drunk at the party and probably just dissociate the whole evening, but he was willing to do that for his friend.

Later that evening, Octavio lay on Ajay's bed as they watched anime together on the small holo-TV provided in their temporary rooms. Octavio buried his face into Ajay's pink hair as they spooned, his arm around her waist. He would've fallen asleep if his anxiety wasn't keeping him up. If he had his legs on right now they'd be tapping away furiously, probably disturbing Ajay from watching the show altogether. Octavio kinda missed tapping his feet, he couldn't sleep without moving them and now that he didn't have them he'd imagine the sensation, like a ghost, and get sad whenever he realized it wasn't real. But that's such a small thing to get upset about.

His fingers grazed against the skin showing between Ajay's t-shirt and her sweatpants, tapping on the waistband as he worked up the courage to ask a question that has been itching at his brain all evening.

"Baby?" he said, uncertain of how to begin. She looked at him over her shoulder. "Have you ever thought.... about marriage?"

Instantly he cringed at the phrasing and tried to fix it. "I mean, not to me, necessarily. I'm just wondering- If you ever want to get married?"

She looked back towards the TV with a smile. "Depends who's askin'," she replied simply, "not at the moment though, I'm too busy. But it would be nice in the future."

Octavio bit his lip and really had the urge to tap his missing feet. The fear ached in his chest and he could feel his hands sweating. "I don't think I wanna get married," he said it quickly, almost afraid to hear her reaction. Verbally retracting as if he expected her to hit him or something. Why was that his instinctual reaction? No one ever hit him for speaking out.

She looked down at his hand and lightly brushed her fingers over his knuckles. "That's fine," she said but he couldn't pick up the tone. It made it feel worse. Was she upset? Was she hoping for a different answer?

"It's not," it took all his strength not to let his voice crack, assuming that she wasn’t satisfied with his answer. She turned to look at him properly. He tried to blink away the tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Babe, it's all fine. We don't have to get married. You don't have to get married, ever, if that's what makes you comfortable."

"But I want to," he said, voice trembling. "I want to make you happy if that’s what you want."

"I don't need marriage to be happy in life." She held his hand comfortingly and traced circles into it. "Besides, who says I'm gon' marry you?" She joked and he loved the way her nose scrunched up when she smiled at him. It lifted some of the weight off his chest and he smiled at the joke despite the tears.

"Okay," he swallowed and wiped the tears from his eyes, his fingers shaking.

"It's alright," she pushed the hair out of his eyes. He admired all the freckles dotting her skin. If Ajay let him stare at her for a while he could count them and maybe calm down a little bit, but that'd be weird of him to ask.

He let out a breath, "it's just," the tears were back but the tension of holding them in and bottling everything up was gone, "I don't want to be like my father."

"You're not." She whispered and studied his face as he continued.

"I don't wanna have kids and have them go through the same shit I did." Tears spilled from his eyes and down the sides of his cheeks. It hurt to think about treating his kids the way he was treated. He didn't even think his childhood had affected him that much until now. But it did, it hurt, it hurt to be ignored your whole life and live with no constants. He was constantly scared of everyone abandoning him, of things being taken away from him. Everything was so temporary to him, even Ajay. What if they got married and one day she decided she didn't love him anymore? How would he even handle something like that? He'd be crushed.

"You're not ya father," Ajay said calmly, bringing his hand up to her lips and kissing his knuckles, "and I've seen ya with my li'l cousins. You'd be a great dad. You said yaself you'd never want to hurt them the way your dad did, so you won't. Not intentionally."

"Do you think my father intended to hurt me?" He asked, his tone a little more passionate than he had intended it to be. "Obviously it was out of his control how I would react to-"

"Tavi, he did awful things to ya. You're allowed to be upset about it."

"But if I don't make excuses for him, how can I excuse my own shitty actions?" He covered his face and dug his palms into his eye sockets, blocking her out from his blurry view. "I'm even worse." His voice broke.

"You're not. You're ill. Ya just need some time and help to get things right. You're taking those steps. Your father never even considered that. That's what makes ya better than him."

It's true, he did have a therapist now, trying to help him manage the many disorders and issues he got stuck with. And he was trying so hard to be better, but it all felt so useless sometimes when he kept acting like this, being like this. Whenever he relapsed, whenever he split on someone, whenever he acted out or isolated or dissociated or cried. He always felt like he was taking steps backwards, not forwards.

"Listen, I know recovery's not easy for ya," she tapped her fingers on his chest and he moved his hands from his face to look at her as she spoke. "But you're pushin’ through it regardless. And I'm gon' be here for ya all the way through it, ya hear me? I'm not goin’ anywhere."

"Everyone says that." He sniffled.

"Yeah, well, I mean it," she said, "and I'll promise this to ya, that I won't leave ya alone no matter how hard it gets." She looked directly into his eyes, her soft voice calming his thoughts.

"Here," she said and took a beaded bracelet off her wrist. It was one of those kandi bracelets she sometimes wore, this one pink and purple with the word "LOVE" spelled out on it. "It's a promise." She held it out to him.

He looked at her hand, puzzled.

"It's like a promise ring. It should make ya feel better to have a physical representation of my promise to ya. I read that it helps with BPD to-"

He sat up and hugged her. "Thank you," he murmured into her shoulder. She pat his back and when they released each other he took the bracelet and put it on his wrist. "Thank you, " he breathed out again.

"Ya welcome." She smiled softly and honestly, her smile momentarily lit up the room. He was so lucky to have her.

"Now, can we finish the show? This next episode's the best one." She gestured with the remote to the paused screen. He hadn't even noticed when she paused it to speak to him. He smiled and nodded, laying back down on his side, her snuggling into him as she pressed 'play'.

"I'm sorry if I ruined the evening." He apologized.

"Ya didn't. I still love ya." She said and took his hand in hers, their fingers intertwined.

And after watching that magical girl show and breathing in her flowery perfume, Octavio finally found himself able to peacefully drift off to sleep for the night.

=+=+=+=

Taglist: @herondaleatheart @brontophile @moontearchild @soulheartthewolf @hey-its-mika @xbeaxbeax (You may always ask to be added or taken off the list! Being on the taglist notifies you of whenever I post a fic so if you are interested, please message me!)

#lifetane #octane apex #lifeline apex

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creepypocky · 3 years

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Hello! How are you? I was wondering if I could get a romantic matchup and a friend matchup. If not then feel free to ignore this!

I use all pronouns and I’m omni with a preference for men.

I’m 5’0, pale, have long, curly dark brown hair, brown eyes, glasses (though I’ve been wanting contacts for awhile), and a bit of acne (one of my core insecurities).

My style is mostly vintage streetwear. Lots of graphic t-shirts, sweaters, hoodies, and loose jeans. Every once in awhile, I add in some elements of dark academia and cottagecore. I wear lesbian earrings a lot too.

My hobbies are, listening to music, reading (mostly fantasy and historical fiction), karate, singing, playing video games, and instruments (I play the violin, saxophone, and keyboard).

One of my biggest interests is history. I like learning about all types of history and different periods of time but my overall favorite thing to learn about are revolutions, like the American revolution, French, and Russian.

My biggest goal in life is to make my family proud. My childhood wasn’t exactly the easiest, to say the least, and I just want to prove that it won’t keep me down from achieving great things. I hope that makes sense. Anyways..

My favorite kind of person is someone who’s patient and outgoing. I rant a lot about things I’m passionate about, like history for example. My favorite kind of person is someone who well just listen and not just straight up ignore me when ranting about something. I like someone is is outgoing too since I’m the opposite, and need someone to push me out my comfort zone every now and then.

The kind of person I hate is someone who is self-centered, judgmental, and dishonest. Not much to say here since I think it’s pretty self explanatory. This kind of person is just not good to be around.

Things I like are: rainy weather, nature, books, animals, music, picnics, stargazing, libraries, and coffee shops.

Things I dislike: hot weather, insects, seafood, my indecisiveness, loud noises, crowded places, and arguing.

My sun sign is pisces, rising is libra, and my moon is scorpio.

I’m 100% an introvert. I like being around friends and family but I like my alone time more. When I’m with people people for a bit too long, I start to feel drained.

First impressions.. I’m not good at them. When meeting someone, I’m very shy and quiet. They have to be the one to lead the conversation and when they ask questions, I 9 times out of 10 will respond in short answers. I also stutter and fidget a lot.

When I’m with people I know and trust, I’m loud, energetic, and like to make a couple jokes here and there. I only make jokes every now and then since I’m scared they won’t laugh. But when they do, I feel really proud of myself for making them laugh.

Okay, I think that’s about it. I’m sorry that this is long, I got a bit carried away. I hope this all makes sense. Thank you so much! Take care and have a great day/night! :)

Hi hi! Thank you for sending me this. :) I don't mind at all that it's long, in fact, the longer it is the better. This allows me to match you in more detail.

I am well, thank you for asking hon. <3

It was difficult for me to figure out who to match you with, but-

Romantic:

|| I match you with: Homicidal Liu! || (I won’t include Sully because I’m not sure how to include him into this, but in the future I will practice writing that!)

This is exciting, I've never matched anyone with him before, but I'm going to make it work.

First of all, he lovesss your hair and how curly it is he just wants to run his hands through it.

Maybe sniff it too idk...

He thinks everything about you is cute even your acne so you shouldn’t feel insecure about it, he loves you regardless!

He loves to chill with you and hang out with a book, he’ll buy all the fantasy books you want tbh and will love to point out interesting stuff he finds in them. I honestly canon Liu as a bit of a nerd. Lmfaoo

Bro, you like karate?? Watch this guy study karate as much as possible just for you. Maybe even learn it for you, hell, if not knowing some himself already. Let this hot nerd hear you sing for hours it will brighten his day up, honey. Please teach him how to play instruments, he has a hard time learning them even though he’s so interested. Regardless though, he loves to listen to you play and will even ask you to write songs if you’re up for it.

Liu was great in school which means he knows a lottttt about history since he was interested in it too and always studied history, so he could just talk to you on and on about history all day and you both could even learn from each other.

He totally gets wanting to make your family proud as a goal, he also had a very rough childhood due to his abusive dad and growing up with Jeff who was mentally ill at a young age, all he ever wanted to really do was show his family he could be someone better than that. So he completely supports you.

He is most definitely patient and outgoing. He will always let you take your time on things and would never pressure you into doing something, as long as you treat him with that same respect. He’s a really good listener, hence doing really well in school, so he’s willing to just listen to you rant on and on about things. He wants you to feel like you can talk to him about anything as long as you want to, and if you don’t he’ll respect your space. He’s pretty extroverted so he’ll try to help you get along with others more and make more friends.

He really hates liars and judgemental people too, he was bullied a lot by people like that in school so seeing people like that is like a reminder for him. He’s good at keeping his composure though and will simply ignore or avoid the people he encounters that are like that. If they hurt you though, he’s more than willing to put them in their place.

He is pretty indifferent about nature, he’s honestly more of an inside guy and just loves the comfort of inside despite being an extrovert. But he’ll go outside with you to look at nature if you asked him to.

He always loves to take you out and go on little coffee shop dates with you because he loves the sweet smile that comes up on your face. He’ll just sit at the table with you and a coffee and read a book with you if not just talk about random things.

He will squish all insects just for you honey.

If your indecisiveness ever gets to you, he’s willing to help you make a decision so it’ll be easier for you because he doesn’t want to see you upset. He always has an open mind and leaves options open but still gives you context on which would be best.

If you’re ever feeling drained from being around people all day he will let you have your own space and leave you alone, unless you want to spend some cuddle time with him. Otherwise he understands.

He gets being bad at first impressions because even though he’s an extrovert he can still be a bit awkward, but he’ll be willing to start conversations for you when you’re in groups or egg others on to start a conversation so that you don’t feel too nervous.

He loves seeing you loud and energetic and going out of your shell, and your occasional jokes are funny to him not always because the joke itself is funny but also because he thinks you’re a total goof. (In a good way bby) <3

Best friend:

|| I match you with: Masky! ||

Our good ol’ friend Tim here comes across as a rough guy, and is horrible at first impressions too. But to be honest, he’s actually much nicer and outgoing than people think he is.

His style is pretty much the same as yours kinda so the two of you get along over things like matching clothes sometimes. He also thinks it’s really fun to watch you do karate if you demonstrate it to him, but will absolutely refuse if you tell him to do karate for you because he knows he will fail miserably. He does know how to play a couple instruments though and will play the guitar for you if you ask him to. Or he’ll just do it anyway because he feels like it.

He’s honestly a total history nerd too but doesn’t show it, but if you mention history around him he will just “happen” to know the answer or what you’re talking about. Eventually though he’ll come out of his shell and have a conversation with you and maybe Liu if he joins in about history and stuff.

he doesn’t know much about making a family proud, but he does know how it feels to want to meet someones expectations through hard times, especially considering his job and Slender being his boss. He’s constantly having anxiety about wanting to be good enough for him as an employee and he’s scared to death of failing him or not fulfilling his job enough. So he sort of understands your goal and will support you the best he can.

He really doesn’t seem like it at times, but he can be patient and outgoing if he really wants to be. He can have anger issues at times and has trouble communicating with people, but once the two of you get closer he’s a lot more patient with you and is usually the one to start a conversation with you if you’re unable to.

He hates dishonest people too, honestly. Mostly because he has experience with constantly being lied to and betrayed and he is so sick of it. Please never betray him, he doesn’t seem like it but he’s so fragile. ;-; He trusts you as a friend though and he knows you would never lie to him or do something to break his trust.

He doesn’t like crowded places much either, he finds them really stressful and can trigger his anxiety at times. He’s just used to being on his own and in his own space and has trouble going out of his comfort zones when there’s crowds. He totally gets feeling drained when around people for too long, he doesn’t mind being around people in general and interacting with them but he’s still a bit of an introvert and likes to just do his own thing. He loves to go in a quiet room with you and play some kind of board game with you or share books.

When you’re loud and energetic, he really enjoys being around you and you don’t drain him as much as other loud people do because he’s closer to you and just likes to see you have fun. He is the teasing type though and if you joke around he’ll pretend to not think it’s funny while trying not to crack up.

~~~

I hope this was good enough! Thank you for sending me this, it was lovely to write for. I hope you’re having a great day/night and make sure to take great care of yourself, hon! <3

#creepypasta fluff #creepypasta #creepypasta matchups #cp masky #Masky #fluff #homicidal liu #liu woods #homicidal liu fluff

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fnniganthomas · 4 years

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❝ in my mind I am eloquent; I can climb intricate scaffolds of words. but when I open my mouth, everything collapses. ❞

{ cis man, he/him } ❝ icarus is forever deemed the boy who flew too close to the sun and got burned. to me, he is just a boy too enthralled by beauty to care whether or not it could hurt him. ❞ huh, who’s TAYLOR ZAKHAR PEREZ? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually LEANDER FINNIGAN-THOMAS. he is a 23 year old HALF-BLOOD wizard who is a TATTOO ARTIST. he is known for being RETICENT, SELF-CONSCIOUS, STUBBORN, INARTICULATE, and PERSUADABLE but also TRUSTING, SYMPATHETIC, EARNEST, PERCEPTIVE, and QUICK-THINKING, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song EPITAPH BY HIPPO CAMPUS and THE SMELL OF HOMEMADE BROWNIES BAKING; TECHNICOLOR PAINT STAINS ON EVERYTHING YOU OWN; A SKY GONE GREEN WITH PROMISED RAIN; WORN FLANNELS YOU’RE HAPPY TO LET OTHERS BORROW; A LUMP IN YOUR THROAT FROM THE WORDS YOU SWALLOW. i hear he is aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, so be sure to keep an eye on him. { zoe, 22, cst, she/her } [ leander is adopted. ]

ADDITIONAL MATERIALS: leander’s playlist, stats page, & pinterest board CHARACTER PARALLELS: jason mendoza (the good place), chidi anagonye (the good place), ty lee (atla), finn (star wars), troy barnes (community), brittany pierce (glee), ponyboy curtis (the outsiders), aang (atla)

one.

there was no real doubt in anyone’s mind that leander was his fathers’ son. even the two of them had no trouble seeing bits of the other in him.

dean could be heard calling leander seamus’ son when he ran into the side table holding lit candles and set several wooden picture frames ablaze. seamus returned the favor and referred to leander as dean’s son when he walked into leander’s room and saw he’d upended several jars of paint on the floor. to this day, none of them could really say if he’d upended the jars on purpose or not.

leander liked to think it was on purpose, even as he proclaimed his innocence every time the family told the story over laughter-filled dinners. proclaiming his innocence was just part of the way that story got told and he couldn’t go breaking tradition. really, he liked the way the rainbow of colors was still burrowed into the grooves of the wood and the slats between floorboards, even after countless attempts at cleaning the last of it. a part of him wondered if that hadn’t been an early sign of magic; he knew that that paint washed easily out of his hair and off his closes, but it stuck stubbornly to the floor right where he liked it.

the colors on the floor nearly matched the technicolor quilt that lay on top of his bed year-round. he liked when things matched like that, almost by accident; like the world liked when things looked pretty as much as he did. he kinda hoped that was one of his first bits of magic; it felt fitting. he said as much to his gran once and had his hair ruffled for his trouble.

two.

when he was a child, he was always elbow deep in some messy thing. it wasn’t that he had a knack for causing trouble — he just had such a hard time saying no to trouble when it came calling. he had a hard time saying no to anything that came calling.

that was probably why trouble was always calling him. it knew he was an easy mark.

he made friends easily as a child, when things were easier and no one seemed to mind or care that he had such a hard time finding the words for things. leander was too polite to voice the blame out loud, but he was convinced that his friends growing up were at least half behind all the messes he got into.

the other kids around him might’ve been better at causing messes, but leander made up for it by being a mess. he was always having a crisis as a kid — his stuffed dragons were just ravaging the block city, dad, but what about the finger puppet people formerly houses in that block tower? do they even sell dinosaur insurance?? why didn’t I think of the implications here …

he and his sister played knights a lot, with toy swords and helmets modeled after the suits of armor in hogwarts (dean asked seamus if that wasn’t a little much, when they bought them; they were a few years out from school, after all, they didn’t care that the helmets were accurate — ) and leander always wondered about the ramifications of two knights fighting each other. shouldn’t they be friends, he thought? she always took his ensuing rambling full of hypothetical knight-schisms as opportunity to knock him flat backwards.

he was a needy kid — he always had questions at his lips, a thousand things he wanted to say. it took him forever to find the way to say them, though; leander hated feeling any negative thing, but he was used to frustration turned inward. it was his least favorite feeling, and one he was all too accustomed to. even now, leander was never quite sure what to do with his words. his mind was an easy enough place for him to navigate, and he loved being there for others when they needed someone to listen.

but whenever he tried talking himself wires got crossed and nothing came out how he wanted it to.

three.

he’d always been more quiet than he’d have liked to be, because he did actually have a lot to say. by the time he was nearly hogwarts-aged, he’d mostly forced himself to get over his hang-ups around his family. they poked good-natured fun at him, but he knew they’d always give him as much time as he needed to phrase a sentence or find a word. he could be assured that some of the other kids he’d grown up around would know that he just took a while to say what he really meant, too.

it was the thought of the castle, so full of strangers and professors he didn’t know, that scared him. getting sorted into ravenclaw scared him even more. he knew he didn’t always sound smart, and it worried him that others would listen to him and decide that he wasn’t, actually, smart enough to be a ravenclaw. he knew that he was smart, that he had things of value to offer to conversations. he was just so bad at getting them out the way he wanted to.

he stayed quiet for a while, even knowing he didn’t actually want to be quiet.

whenever he tried to articulate that point to other people though, it tended not to go as well as it did in his head — only proving his point. one of the prefects his first year rolled her eyes, said, ‘if you want to be less quiet, just say more, leander.’ but it wasn’t that easy, for him. he had a lot to say but had trouble finding the words for all those things. he could usually carry polite conversation just fine; fool people into thinking he knew what he was doing. but anything more than that required his total focus, and still was rarely quite right.

he bit down on half-formed questions because he thought it was better to not know some things if it meant he didn’t have to see people grow annoyed at his fumbling words. then that made him feel even more like he was some sort of fraud-ravenclaw — what ravenclaw thought they were better off not knowing things?

just like he forced himself to get over his worries to talk to his family and old friends, he forced himself to accept that words were never going to be his specialty. then he forced himself to be fine with that. he worked hard to focus on the things he was good at, that didn’t require him to talk too much — he always felt at home in the air on his broom, or with a sketchbook in his lap, or in the kitchen whipping up something that’d make other people happy. those things weren’t nothing.

four.

leander was smart, actually; he excelled in herbology and charms and worked hard enough everywhere else to not be singled out during class. he never caused as many explosions as his dad did from simple transfiguration. and he was great with people, for all that he got so in his head sometimes that he felt clumsy with even his dearest friends. but being smart never stopped anyone from being a fool.

when leander looked back on his childhood, it was as if all of his roiling anxieties melted away. it was like looking in on a world encased in the sun — he imagined his memories as some sort of weird, reverse snow globe, where everything shimmered at the edges and only got brighter as you shook it up.

hindsight made even mundane or negative memories seem golden, to leander. his biggest fault was that he always liked to think things were kinder than they actually were.

leander trusted people to be better than they were and was bad at saying what he meant, which was, at times an awful combination for him. he trusted the world to treat him better than it did.

if someone ever tries to convince him that, no, really, that harsh person from a historically bigoted family is not a good person, his stubbornness really came out and saw leander dig his feet in. he never wanted to believe that people had to be truly black or white — he was stubbornly convinced that there was good in every person, even when he was told he shouldn’t try so hard to look for it.

leander knew what was it like to feel you stood on the fringes of everybody else’s lives; no amount of forcing himself to be comfortable with the way he was ever took that anxiety away. he tried his hardest to be accommodating and friendly and understanding to everyone he came into contact with, even the people who maybe didn’t deserve his kindness. especially them, sometimes. he didn’t want anyone feeling like he was someone to be wary around. leander was steadfast in his beliefs and knew he wouldn’t change them, but all the same — that shouldn’t be a reason for someone to look at him and expect anything less than he gave everyone else.

four.

home never stopped being the most comforting place for leander. not even once he was older, a little more settled, and no longer had such stress over belonging in ravenclaw tower. not even once he had plenty of friends, a spot on the quidditch roster, a place in the castle. he adored not feeling so lost at school the older he got, but it couldn’t compete with home.

the golden gleam of his memories made everything feel well-worn and well-loved in his head, but home was the biggest victim, and the most deserving of such treatment. leander was stubbornly adamant that there was no better place in the world than the finnigan-thomas’ home in kenmare. holidays at home with his family, extended and sprawling and filled with family friends as much as blood relatives, were leander’s favorite thing.

he loved his dads so much — even as he couldn’t help but wonder, privately, if they wouldn’t have preferred a son who wasn’t such a fuck up sometimes. he’d certainly caused several dinner parties to grind to a halt with a poorly-phrased question directed at the aunt he forgot he wasn’t supposed to sit next to, after the incident over christmas dinner when he was ten.

leander wondered if his dads wouldn’t want a son who was better at words, because leander always thought there were ways for him to be better. he wondered, privately, because he couldn’t help but worry. but the logical part of his brain knew that there wasn’t a need to worry over them. they loved him, he knew, and didn’t even need his memory to gloss everything over for that to be true.

five.

there was always a level of creativity in the house growing up, and leander took to it like a fish to water. he never really let up on his fascination with color and the physicality of paint clinging to his skin and the paintbrush and whatever canvas was in front of him. the permanently-painted floorboards in his room weren’t the only casualty in the house, but that was alright. no one ever gave leander too much grief over tracking paint everywhere.

it was easier for him to take a pencil to page than to find the words, sometimes, and he was so happy his family understood that about him, and let it grow.

leander couldn’t keep track of how many drawings his dads pinned up to the fridge when he was a kid, or how excited dean had been to lead leander around museums growing up. he cherished every minute seamus spent nodding along as leander rambled about some era in art history seamus knew nothing about. it didn’t matter that leander grew into being comfortable at hogwarts, and around strangers, and people who weren’t so understanding with his fumbled words; it was work, with all of them, even as the work got easier on him.

nothing about being near his family and feeling that love felt like work.

leander, even grown out a childhood-self that worried over the ethics of stuffed dragons knocking over block towers, couldn’t help but be dragged down the whirlpool of hypothetical thoughts. he wondered if there was some alternate-universe leander who wasn’t as lucky as he was, who didn’t have his dads and his sister and his friends. maybe there was a leander who had those things but still lived in a world that was altogether harsher than his was. he thanked the universe as often as he remembered to that he was who he was, and that he was where he was.

leander was bowled over by stress and anxiety and worries more often than he existed in a state of honest chill, but he was still so happy to have the life he did. he didn’t always feel like he deserved it, but he was glad it was his.

six.

when leander was sixteen, he dicked around enough on the internet to teach himself how to give magical tattoos and muggle tattoos both. he really thought that it shouldn’t have been so easy to order all the necessary equipment and have it delivered to his house; he really, really thought that the owl that came bearing his enchanted ink should’ve asked for, like, ID or something. it felt like getting away with something, how easy it was.

leander was well-versed in courting trouble at this point and knew he shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. he just thought it was important to note that he worried at it being so easy for people without training to get all that stuff.

he practiced on himself and his sister, with a little needling and an iron-clad pinkie swear that they’d keep the tattoos a secret from their dads. in hindsight, it was a very stupid decision on leander’s part to start practicing in the summer, when they went to the beach often enough that the two finnigan-thomas kids had to order some fancy witch-owned brand of waterproof concealer to cover the evidence. their dads didn’t notice the tattoos until they came home that winter break and forgot to start hiding them again, though, so leander would take the win.

he offered tattoos to people at school, and really hoped that some of them also forgot to hide them when they went home for winter hols. it felt only fitting that his not-thought-out plan brought some other people a bit of trouble. he’d call it payback for all that time in their childhoods when he’d been the one getting dragged into problems, but the thought of payback as a concept made leander a little sad, so, whatever.

seven.

it felt only fitting that he looked into doing tattoos as a professional once he was out of hogwarts. dean certainly insinuated, when leander mused over the option, that it would make the shock he’d given his dads over the tattoos worth it. leander kind of agreed; he didn’t think the tattoos weren’t worth it, already, but there could be layers to worth. on principle, he loved the idea of practice. he liked to think that everything in life was practice for something to come — that nothing happened to you that couldn’t have a use later down the line.

it had a nice symmetry to it, a circular-ness. it was the sort of lofty thought he’d have an absolute monster of a time voicing out loud, but he felt it, and sometimes that was enough for leander. it was like the paint worn into his floorboards that matched the quilt on his bed; unintentional but fitting anyway.

leander wondered if maybe he shouldn’t look into going to muggle university to study art, or at least take an apprenticeship under a wizarding artist so he could learn how to paint portraits and landscapes that could move and all. there was still a career in that, people looking to have themselves or their relatives or their homes immortalized in oils even as moving photographs were so much easier these days.

he was — definitely, he was interested in learning that sort of thing. it just felt like too big a goal to have for his life right after school was over. he hadn’t been suspended in a state of constant stress during his time at hogwarts, or anything, but h still felt a strong sort of relief when it was over.

there were things he’d miss; how easy it was, having so many of his friends all living in the same place, all doing the same things and living such parallel lives. he’d miss quidditch practice now that he knew he’d never make it as a professional — and never want to, besides. he’d miss the community of it all, even as he recalled how hard it had been for him to settle into it. he knew that it would only take a year or two, maybe less than that, for him to start romanticizing his time there like nothing had ever hurt in the castle’s walls.

but the sigh of relief, that was bigger than anything he missed, and it made him sure he wanted to take a step back from school and any formal training or education. he already knew enough about tattooing now that he felt assured it wouldn’t feel so much like starting over to make a job of it.

eight.

leander was always far better at thinking on his feet than most people would guess from knowing him. it sometimes surprised leander himself, even — he knew he had a propensity towards worry, and it seemed like maybe he shouldn’t actually be good in an emergency. maybe it was just that he had an overactive fight or flight instinct that he’d long trained over the years to fight through whatever it could. he might not be the person people in his life wanted around when they were going through a crisis, but he knew how to handle himself in all manner of unexpected situations. leander liked to think he rarely made things worse.

does he make good choices whilst thinking on his feet? not all the time. but then, who could be relied on to make the perfect decision during every high stress situation they found themselves tossed into? leander made choices, and knew better than to stand idle; leander was of the belief that second guessing things had no value, even as he couldn’t help himself sometimes. he tried his best to face every consequence of every action head on.

he dug his feet in over stupid, foolish decisions often enough. it was fitting that sometimes when he dug his feet in, it was for a purpose. the best way out is through, and all that — maybe he’d get that adage tattooed on him someday, too.

sometimes it still felt like things happened to him, like he was a less active participant in his life than others were in theirs. he’d always pick fight over flight but not every situation asked that choice of him. it was less because he had a genuine go-with-the-flow personality, and more that he had such a hard time saying no.

nine.

when the world around him started turning itself upside down with awfulness and inside out with tragedy, leander knew it wouldn’t do him any good to freeze now. he joined up with the order because he knew there really wasn’t any other option he could take and still look at himself in the mirror. he wasn’t an auror or a healer or anyone that he thought had, like, much of value to offer the cause. but he was asked, and he said yes, because leander always, always said yes when trouble came calling for him. it was instinctive at this point.

leander liked to think he didn’t hate a lot of things. his heart was too open, to full of potential love, for him to like feeling anything harsher than annoyance, frustration. he forced bursts of hurt to come and go in a count of ten, because dwelling on the negative made him feel hollowed out.

but he stopped laying in bed at night so often, thanking his lucky stars that he was leander in this world over any others; he started, instead, wondering if any generation in this world of theirs would get to be untouched by even the threat of war. he wondered if it was too naive to wish this darkness would fade as quickly as it did when his dads were kids.

he turned things over in his memory now that some of the worst had come to pass; normally he let everything be painted in shades of gold, but he wondered if that wasn’t part of the problem. maybe too many people had worked too hard to push prison breaks and strange disappearances to the side — maybe too many people had had wanted to remember things only as happy and bright. it was such an ingrained part of himself now that leander knew he’d never be able to stop thinking things were better than they were.

maybe it would be the end of him one day. but at least he’d be himself, at the end.

#potterintro #( ⊱ ━━ 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 ┊ intro. )#yes all his character parallels are directly from charactour #or that statistical character quiz #yes the sheer range of his results killed me #yes brittany was his number one match YES i'm still not over how funny that is

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happy-hollow-rpg · 3 years

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Big Rave Feels || MAUI || EPILOGUE

At first Maui couldn’t quite believe his ears.

“She’s… safe?” They were safe? A surge of relief welled up from inside him. “That’s-?! That’s-!” He started to laugh. It was… almost too surreal. Finding out the people who were keeping his mother hostage was the primary reason for coming to learn magic.

“S-So… who were they…?”

RJ...doesn't look too thrilled with that question, really. He has to think about it for a bit, before he just decides to rip off the bandaid in one go. "They were the Swallows."

“Swallows…?” Maui’s smile began to fade. Was he being serious? Of course he was. Maui’s first reaction was to disagree, but a gut feeling pulled him back. His gut kept him alive this whole time (somehow) and this WAS RJ talking, someone he knew he could trust whole-heartedly.

“… That’s… That ain’t right…” Maui muttered. He looked away, taking the time to contemplate RJ’s words. “They saved me. Y-You probably saw… didn’t you?”

"They...didn't." RJ sounds like he's struggling to find the right words to say. He's more than well aware of how much Maui idolizes the Swallows. He doesn't want to be the one to ruin them for him, but... "What your dad said back then was a bluff. Even then, the Swallows were after you guys."

Maui paused. So… things were a bit more complicated than he thought. This was awkward. That Swallow tattoo on his neck was now feeling incredibly itchy. He rubbed it, wondering what to do next.

“Thanks, dude.” He finally said after some time. “Thanks for tellin’ me.” He paused. "... 'Bout my dad... do you know what happened to him?"

"That's..." There's a long pause. "That's something you should ask your mom about."

His mom…? Why would she know anything…? Maui nodded his head slowly, not liking RJ’s reaction to his question. Well, he supposed there was no use worrying about it for now. There was still work to be done. Still things he needed to uncover.

It was a daunting thing, knowing that the people who had been tormenting him had actually been his childhood heroes. How was he going to go up against that? Just how many of them were there? Despite it all, Maui wasn’t… scared. Not anymore. All that running around in the liminal space had boosted his confidence considerably. Plus, he had friends. And very powerful friends at that. It was nice knowing that he had them to rely on should… should he need to.

But maybe he wouldn’t need to. The hard part was over, thanks to RJ. Now, he just had to find them…

——————————————————

After crying over everyone’s revival, Maui made the decision to stick with Treat to continue his magical studies. If… you could call it studying. He was never quite the academic, but he soon found out just how much fun making potions could be. Being able to throw a buncha shit together and doing something productive with it, brought out the inner child in Maui, and he became quite relentless in his testing. Hopefully he doesn’t blow anything up. It’s not like EXPLOSION is his second element or whatever.

While studying, Maui spends much of his time actively trying to hang and chill with everyone that’s still around, including Amelia, RJ, Niro and Sully. He doesn’t make any real effort to talk to Shaela and Santiago given… everything that’s happened. But, he does feel a little bad for calling Shaela a bitch, and even says so while returning her wand back to her. His disdain for her has grown considerably less given how… how everyone ended up NOT being dead after all.

———————————————————

“Soooo, that’s the gist of it. What do y’alls think?” This was probably going to be a long shot. After all… drugs were a bit stigmatized and hell he was practically asking Erika and Elle to help him make one (dont turn your friends into drug dealers Maui). “It would… help a lotta people who would end up usin’ some pretty hard shit anyways… and maybe even OD from it. If we could come up with some sort of safe alternative, wouldn’t that be for the better?”

Erika L taps her chin thoughtfully. "Well, I don't have any real experience with that kinda thing, but I guess I can help you! I mean, might as well give it a shot, right?" If it'd help people... Erika nods. She's more on board with this the more she thinks about it. "Been a while since I made any new potions. What do you think, Elle?"

"It might be a bit difficult. A lot of things can be dangerous, even if they would be helpful in other situations. Medicine and poison overlap often. What could be toxic in a high dose could be life saving for another. However, I admire you for your decision." She offers Maui a sweet smile. "We will have to work hard on this, but I am always up for looking for creative new ways to use my magic."

Maui did very little to contain his excitement. They were on board! “Oh hells fuckin’ YES!” He cheered, pumping his fists in the air and swooping his arms down to give the both of them a quick hug. Any other day, he’d probably get embarrassed from being so forward with his physical affection (especially towards not one… but TWO girls?!) but in that moment, Maui could not give a damn.

“This is gonn’ be great, thank you thank you thank you!! This is gonn’ be good, it’s gonn’ save a lotta people and change the world, I can feel it man, I can feel it in my bones!” There was a twinkle in his eyes. “Now… Hmm... Wonder if RJ’ll be down to test it…”

—————————————

In his down time, Maui continues to return to the rave scene every so often as a promoter, though most of his time is spent running his businesses. He IS the founder of two very popular apps after all. At some point, Maui pops in on one of Dusky’s concerts and has a BALL, sparking the incredible idea of trying to drag everyone, including Taichi, Elle, the Erikas and perhaps even Akira, into one of the raves he’s promoting. If he does manage to convince Elle, the girl spends her time cocooned onto Maui’s back for the night, as he proudly wears the rave sweater she made for him and the bracelet Rada made.

Being an academic failure, Maui had always been drawn to the more bookishly cute kind of girls, hence his blushing around Rada and Elle in weird moments. Sadly for him, they turned out to be ruthless lesbians (not that he’s sad about it). Turns out, the person who was probably best for him was right under his nose the whole time. Despite Sully’s attempts to set them up, Maui seemed convinced that Amelia and him would only ever be platonic. That is… until the two started depending on each other more. Day by day, and little by little, it was only ever a matter of time before Maui realized that the person needed was right there all along.

#endgame #ic #Maui #submission

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goregalorr · 4 years

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i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about josh – specifically about his mental health, and everything that lead up up to the incident at the lodge. anyone who’s played until dawn to completion ( no matter the ending ) can probably come to the conclusion that josh is mentally ill. aside from his own actions and the things he says, there’s many other things in the game that can lead viewers to that conclusion. under the cut, i’ve compiled some of the in-game things that you’re able to find while also adding my own thoughts. consider this a psychoanalysis of josh, split into multiple parts and tied together at the end.

tw for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation.

first, there’s a psychiatric report that can be found by sam in the “psycho’s lair”. it reveals.. quite a lot, actually. for one, it shows that josh was hospitalized (why is not detailed). it also shows that josh was working with a psychiatrist named dr. hill. judging by the timeline of drugs prescribed, one can infer that he’s seen other therapists before then. here’s the list of drugs josh was prescribed:

fluoxetine (06/18/2006 - 01/24/2010)**

duloxetine (02/13/2010 - 11/01/2013)

amitriptyline (11/29/2013 - 04/05/2014)

phenelzine (04/15/2014 - present?)***

** worth noting that fluoxetine ( prozac ) is one of the more common and successful medications used to treat depression, and one of the only ones that’s been FDA approved to treat depression in young kids; it’s not odd for this to be the first prescription on the list, but it’s worth noting nonetheless – keep that in mind.

*** worth nothing that the withdrawal affects of phenelzine ( nardil ) include, but aren’t limited to, insomnia, nightmares, hallucinations, agitation, paranoia, etc. it’s also worth nothing that a higher than average dose was required upon being prescribed with plans to up said dose as necessary in order to see any changes in josh’s mood at all. (the average dose of nardil is usually around 15mg; josh was taking 60mg.) this is very important.

**** the time differences between drug prescriptions. prozac was prescribed when josh was around 10-11, and he was taken off of it when he was 14-15 ( makes sense due to brain development; new neural pathways, brain chemistry changing as you develop; it’s not uncommon for medications that had worked previously to stop working. ) from there, the time between prescriptions gets shorter.

***** last addition here i promise, but – medicating kids is typically advised against due to rapid brain development in childhood and adolescence; some studies show that some medications can stunt brain growth. medications are typically only prescribed to children in extreme cases, psychologically speaking. josh was first prescribed prozac when he was around 10-11.

all of the medications listed are SSRIs – aka, the most common type of medication prescribed to treat depression. this would’ve been fine… if they had actually worked. here’s the cycle that was repeated every time he as prescribed a new medication:

> medication is prescribed > dosage prescribed works for a short amount of time ( detailed both in the report + is evident in the dates on which each medication was prescribed; note that the time between prescriptions gets shorter as he gets older ) > josh either starts to self medicate by taking higher doses, or stops taking the medication all together > josh’s mood worsens; progress made seems to be all but lost > josh is prescribed another type of medication

it’s also noted, along with the drugs’ tapering affects, that other treatments weren’t helping josh: “CBT, IPT, psychoanalysis, etc, failed to produce any improvement. “ something else that i found.. interesting and particularly heartbreaking, is that ECT was also recommended in his case (which i’ll touch on later, but that says a lot in itself)

i’ll be referring back to this pattern later.

then, there’s hannah’s journal. there’s an entry from october in there:

“October 29th

“I really think Josh is doing better now that he’s out of the hospital. I saw him today and he seemed better. He’s pretty upbeat, but he talked like he’s been doing therapy for such a long time. I guess I didn’t know. Mom and Dad never let on. Funny how you can not even know your own brother. I kinda need a good cry thinking about how lonely he must feel…”

this actually ties in pretty nicely with what’s found in the psych report, as it is detailed at the bottom that josh spent about a month in the psychiatric ward. aside from what she said about josh having been in the hospital, she also mentioned that her parents never… really talked about what was going on. i plan on talking about this in a later post, but that kind of secretive treatment can really fuck with someone, especially a kid.

i also can’t help but to wonder… what landed josh in the hospital? judging by a previous diagnosis ( from when he was 11 ) of severe depression, it could be a number of things. i personally think that he had either tried to commit suicide, or that he’d been actively self-harming and his parents found out about it.

the last thing i want to mention here are the “sessions” with dr. hill that’re shown between chapters of the game. as time progresses (and of course, depending on your choices), the sessions get stranger, and the office morphs from someplace warm and welcoming, to someplace cold and terrifying. it morphs with your previously selected fears and anxieties, alongside details from some of the more gruesome parts of the game ( the saw blade, for example, makes an appearance ). it’s revealed later that these “sessions” have been between dr. hill and “the psycho” ( aka, josh ), and the player can infer that said sessions and dr. hill have been hallucinations the entire time.

so, where am i going with this?

josh was diagnosed with depression when he was 11. due to being medicated so early, it can be inferred that his mental health was severe even then, as many psychiatrists advise against medicating children so early – it’s possible that he was suicidal and/or actively self-harming. he’s shown to have a bit of a cycle after being taken off of prozac: he cycles between periods of improvement and periods of symptoms worsening. i believe that, while he fit the diagnostic criteria for depression when he was younger, he no longer fits it; he actually fits the criteria for schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type a lot better.

schizoaffective disorder is characterized by symptoms of schizophrenia paired with symptoms of a mood disorder – in josh’s case, said mood disorder may be closer to bipolar disorder as opposed to depression, just based on my personal opinion. people with schizoaffective disorder tend to cycle between periods in which they experience severe symptoms and periods in which these symptoms improve. a combination of medications alongside different therapies are best in treating it as opposed to just one kind of medication.

josh having schizoaffective disorder would explain his hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, erratic behavior, odd speech patterns, and aggression alongside why most SSRIs ( excluding prozac ) never worked long term – a combination of an antipsychotic and an antidepressant medication would’ve worked a lot better.

i mentioned before that the side affects of phenelzine withdrawal are… pretty severe. someone on the schizophrenic spectrum suddenly going cold turkey on a medication like that… could. really exacerbate other symptoms.

with the combination of his sisters disappearing ( with feelings of guilt, hurt, anger ), him getting older, and him stopping phenelzine, i have every reason to believe that his “prank” at the lodge was a full psychotic break – more severe than previous, thanks to the phenelzine withdrawal. it’s a little odd to me that he was never further tested when the medications started having a tapering affect, or when his symptoms got worse, but… y’know. i could sit here and talk about that alone for days, but i won’t.

tl;dr: josh was misdiagnosed for years; while he previously fit the criteria for just major depressive disorder, as he got older ( and as his brain chemistry changed ), his symptoms branched out beyond that – he began showing symptoms of schizoaffective disorder, which were made worse by the withdrawal of phenelzine. if he were to survive the events of the lodge, and be hospitalized again ( danger to himself + others ), i believe that he’d be re-evaluated and given a proper diagnosis.

#* // slice grief down to the bone / you can't wash it away. ( meta. )#self harm ment //#suicide ment //#reposting this!#older followers have already seen it probably but its Here Now!#do give it a read tho i spent the better part of two hours writing it and it is important in my portrayal of josh

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viovio · 4 years

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💕📌🎶 :) hehehe have a cube of mango too vio *mango cube appears beside you*

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

ok so I already did this one but I have a lot of faves so its ok. Mr jonathan morris like is just a teen that's most of his personality and I love it (daddy issues too which eugh maybe not so much, he needs charlotte to ground him which I feel sorry for), 18 years old brings along his 16 y/o childhood friend to kick draculas ass and they don't worry too much about it. They're banters quite funny too, even though the talk button in the menu just gives you tips on gameplay most of the time during boss battles they have a lot to say about them, it's a nice feature really. That and he's a whole dumbass, you could kill richter with fucking creampies and that's why por is best game hands down (it's not but a paper airplanes also a subweapon which gives it another point). I ALSO LOVE HIS LITTLE VOICE LINES if you complete the game I think starting a new one from the menu has u hear him saying "showtime!" Or when you successfully complete the motorcycle puzzle and he says "YAHOO!!" it's just so adorable. Have I mentioned that he's gay because he is, charlotte clearly shows interest in him throughout but bc he is gay and she is clearly a lesbian and they don't know it he treats her like a little sister and is also oblivious to a lot of romantic advances, hell the only time he's shown interest in a woman was during the astarte boss battle where he LITERALLY has to be mind controlled to do so, that boy *pointing at him* is gay.

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

So how I found it was very simple, as a kid (really young I think maybe about 5-7) we had a ds, was absolutely obsessed with it it had warioware kirby all that stuff, but then there was my first castlevania game: dawn of sorrow. Being the sequel to aria of sorrow (my favorite) and also being a kid I had no clue what was going on but I knew a few things, 1) somas surname was cruz and that made me think he was filipino so I liked him very much, 2) the music was really good!! And 3) some of the enemies looked terrifying and I was all for that. I liked looking at the enemy index and reading their descriptions cuz u loved the lore a lot, I always erased and made new files cuz frankly I had no clue what to do after the first or third levels. I also didn't know how the controls worked since I liked using the touch feature a lot. What I remember was when I beat the puppet master (a terrifying looking boss that was in a later level called the demon guest house), and since the magic seal (a feature added in cuz of the touch system, which you had to use after every boss or else they won't die) was kinda complicated to me and I somehow completed it I was proud of myself!! Showed off to my dad too (he didn't care). Later on he got order of ecclissia (another fantastic game) and i loved it even better than dos, the artwork was gorgeous and shanoa..... 😳 Was also very gorgeous. A lot of things were improved since it was the third and last cv game ever to be released by konami (a whole decade ago I'm so sad) and since this was getting too long I'll cut this short. Our ds broke sometime and I was sad but eventually my dad got a lords of shadow game for our pc, I forgot which one it was I think it was the one with victor in it, anyways it was the first game where I was introduced to alucard, I didn't really play it just watched dad or kuya play it and it was also gorgeous. After that id watch boss rushes or playthroughs of castlevania games on youtube for a nostalgia rush, I didn't really know about any of the other games other than the ds ones, at some point I heard they made the netflix series of it which I didn't watch yet. Until last year, cv was pretty much niche to me and far from my interests, it was August or June I think when dad put on an anime site on tv and watched it with us and needless to say I loved the first season, I didn't know about cv3 or any of the other games so the plot confused me but I did know alucard, after watching all of it I went on a huge rush and learned about all of it's lore (in all the games). Dad then taught us how to emulate games and ever since then I've been playing and loving castlevania a lot, so year long story short I played some of the games as a kid and got really into it after watching the netflix series. Although after s3 and being disappointed I could care less about it cuz all I think about are the games.

🎶 if your hyperfixation has songs/an ost, what is your favorite song from it?

oh my god you did NOT just ask me this bc *clipping from my seat* EHE THERES A LOT SO BUCKLE UP!!!!

Dawn of Sorrow: Draculas Tears (The laboratory theme, dunno how to describe it it's really funky but gets funkier later on, the melody later on kinda feels melancholic bit goes right back to being funky)

Portrait of Ruin: Piercing Silence (one of the 3 boss themes, I like it was better since it gets my heart racing but in a good way, has a REALLY good synth later on), Dance of Sadness (a boss theme saved for only the sisters, also really gorgeous with a melancholic vibe), Iron Blue Intention (13th street theme, a remix of the track w the same name in bloodlines)

Symphony of the Night: Dance of Pales (classical and makes you feel lost in wonder, olroxs quarters theme I think) Woodcarving Partita (VERY fancy library theme I absolutely love it), Rainbow Cemetery (ITS THE CATACOMBS GOD ITS SO GOOD, it makes you dance but also let you know that something's up deep in them)

Castlevania Bloodlines: Calling from Heaven (AUGH WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN... One of my top tracks and also 2nd to last level where Johns dying, rly makes u feel y'know)

Lament of Innocence: Leons theme (also called lament of innocence but GOOD GOD ALSO IN MY TOP TRACKS ITS SO FUCKING GOOD, despite not being my favorite gameplay wise the soundtracks absolutely gorgeous even though it's mostly remixes, save from this one. Absolutely funky theme and being my 2nd fave belmont it's also my favorite belmont theme)

Order of Ecclissia: An Empty Tome (The games main theme and also the first two levels in Draculas castle, it describes who shanoa is, being filled with powerful glyphs abilities and a great weapon against dracula but having no memory of who she is, she's an empty tome) Sorrows distortion (ABSOLUTELY KILLING IT albus's boss theme) Wandering of the Crystal Blue (gorgeous theme for the second water stage), Malaks Labrinth (I forgot what the stage name was but also very good), and also (Forgot the stage name but the credits deserve a spot here)

#asks #ask games #cv #long post #zepairu #THIS IS ALSO SO LONGG #i migjtve forgot something w the tracks but yea

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