#if i posted these already and am just having a silly moment then forgive me ok i

[maevelander]

help

#found these in my photos i forgot i made them #if i posted these already and am just having a silly moment then forgive me ok i #it’s my bday im absolved of my sins so take it up with the lord or whatever #the boys #homelander #queen maeve #a train #the deep #billy butcher #black noir

[startanewdream]

This post about ducks made me so happy that I wanted to write a Hinny missing moment.

The sound of Ginny's giggle broke the silence; Harry, whose eyelids had started to feel very heavy under her soft caress on his hair, popped an eye open. Ginny was shaking her head, already dismissing what had made amused her, and Harry wished he wouldn’t; her eyes lit when Ginny was laughing, and that was a sight he favoured a lot.

“What?”

She looked down, already laying her back against the tree. “Oh, I awoke you up, sorry. Go back to sleep.”

“I wasn’t,” he assured her; Ginny threw him a disbelieving look. “I am not anymore anyway—what was it?”

“It’s silly,” she warned him. Harry waited. “But—ducks.”

“Ducks,” he repeated slowly. Then he checked the books she was studying. “Have you Confounded yourself—”

“Not this time.” She chuckled, then pointed ahead with her quill. “Ducks in the lake.”

Harry turned his head; sure enough, there were four ducks at the corner of the lake nearest to them, and more were coming. As he watched, a piece of bread was perfectly aimed to fall in the lake—the ducks converged on it, and Ginny’s giggle sounded again.

“Ducks are so cute!”

Harry smiled, raising to sit by Ginny’s side against the trunk of the oak tree. “I think those are… garganey.”

“Garganey,” she repeated. Then she swished her quill like a wand. “Garganey! It sounds like a spell.”

He laughed. “I think they are just ordinary birds.”

“Shhhh. Harley will think you don’t like him.”

“Harley?”

She pointed to the duck closest to them, almost at the edge of the lake. “That’s Harley. He was the first to show up. The others followed him.”

“I guess this had nothing to do with the crumbs you threw.”

“See? I’m thinking you really don’t like Harley, Harry.”

Harry looked at the duck; the duck tilted its head but didn’t seem to give him much attention. “Sorry, Harley,” he said anyway. Ginny grinned at him. “I hope you can forgive me before the autumn.”

“Here, some bread to help,” she suggested. Then, after Harry threw the crumbs far away, Ginny asked: “Why autumn?”

“Oh, garganeys are migratory birds, they only come here for spring, come autumn they will be gone.” Under her gaze, Harry shrugged. “I studied them in school, before Hogwarts. I remember because back then I wish could be a migratory bird so I could leave my uncle and aunt’s house.” He considered it for a moment. “In a way, I’m only there for the summer, so maybe my wish was granted.”

Ginny pressed her lips for a moment; there was a frown on her forehead that told him she was upset, but before he could do anything, she just smiled bravely at him. “You won’t need to go there much longer.”

“Yeah.” He thought about the summer, but more than any worry about the Dursley, Harry could just see happy sunlit days ahead. “If you like birds, I know there are plenty of them in some parks in London. More, even. Swans, geese, mallards, pelicans.”

“Have you gone there?”

“Just once, on a school trip.” He remembered that day: in their visit to the park, Dudley had got some coins from his parents and had bought an ice cream; Harry had watched it melting away with undisguised envy.

“Hey,” Ginny called him softly. For a moment, Harry feared the misery that memory had brought him had shown on his face, but there was only tenderness in her face as she moved closer—and then all negative thoughts were repelled as her lips touched his. He pulled her closer; Ginny sat on his lap, her hands buried in his hair—a touch that wasn’t making him sleepy at all.

He could stay there and kiss her forever, but then a loud weird sound made them laugh, breaking apart.

“Oh, Harley,” she said, shaking her head, and moving to grab the pieces of bread left; the garganey was singing still. Harry didn’t think the sound was pleasant, but Ginny looked fondly at the duck. “There, it’s all I have.”

“You know, I think that was a mating call. Harley is in love with you.”

“Oh.” Her eyes lit with amusement. “So I guess you have some competition.”

For a moment Harry thought about commenting on how popular she was, but he decided that adding names to her suitor’s list was against his best interests.

“Well, you don’t have to feed me—” She looked down at the remains of their picnic by the lake. Harry laughed. “Hum—I don’t plan on leaving you when autumn comes.”

She held his hand. “That’s a big advantage—and you will take me to parks in London.”

Harry pictured himself walking hand-in-hand with Ginny, sharing ice cream with her. Feeling the taste of chocolate on her cool lips, the perfect kiss on a hot summer day.

“I will,” he agreed, laying down on her lap again to watch the ducks swimming away.

#Hinny #HBP Missing Moment #we just pretend they had a nice happy summer afterwards

[proxythe]

Whats your favourite thing about every sees member !!

ermagerd let me think… ummmmm. i’ve posted long ass posts before but this one feels especially long for some reason so i’m gonna crop it but. it’s hard to pick just one favorite thing about everyone but i tried my best 😭😭😭 press on ahead if u dare to read some of my sees yapping…

minato - this technically could go for kotone in the social links they share, but i’ll count it for him in the sense that he’s the original protagonist. the small ways minato shows he cares for others even when the game has just begun and his care for life can be seen as indifferent, he still goes out of his way to do such nice things for others. i’m mainly thinking about the old couple, where minato gets them something from the persimmon tree when he definitely, from character perspective not game perspective, didn’t have to

kotone - HER AGGRESSION !!!!!! her violent tendencies. her protectiveness over her female friends. i’ll bring this up everyday idgaf ..!!!!! i’ve gone on abt this too many times now so i won’t bore yall but … Violent kotone… if i had to pick something else then i’d say how joyous she is, or how joyous she fronts being

yukari - her selflessness … i’m not sure if this is so obvious that that’s why people don’t often point it out, but i love how in every instance of someone being injured in game, yukari is consistently immediately at their side. i would call it subtle in the way that you’d likely be so wrapped up in the plot u wouldn’t immediately notice, but when u notice it it’s like … god.. yukari… i love u..

junpei - when he’s vulnerable with the protag… i am inclined to goofy junpei 99.9% of the time, but i very much enjoy his serious moments. i like when he is open with the protagonists, mainly kotone, and puts his silly down … tbh i also love when he snaps at them in december(?) and is just completely raw n emotional for once…

fuuka - i think what first comes to mind is just how nice fuuka is to others. like natsuki, despite being unforgivably bullied by her (imo ts was unforgivable… but no shade natsuki). yet she’s very forgiving … and she’s very silly. i love fuukas determination to keep trying something even when she’s horrifically bad at it 😭

aigis - holyyyyyyyy i could go on forever abt aigis oh my word. i suppose ill shorten it to i love how much aigis values life … not even just her own, but every living thing she comes across. i could fkn cry thinking about the cat in her social link rn… not even just the cat either, but the old woman as well. aigis … GAHHH

mitsuru - when she speaks french. her attempt to look like a super genius despite already being one through speaking french is so funny to me. love when a typically serious character like her has quirks like that. especially ones like randomly speaking french sometimes

akihiko - i want to say both how smart he is (bc too many ppl think he’s dumb) & also how silly he is (bc i enjoy when he gets a little dumb) 😭 he’s my favorite character im tweaking out trying to pick just one thing LMFAOO ummm. his autism is my favorite thing… ummm

shinjiro - hrmmmmm i quite like how much he enjoys cooking as a hobby and the very obvious subversion it is to the kind of character he presents as under a first impression… & i love how he uses cooking/food as his own way to show he cares about everyone bc he’s too grumpy all the time to actually say anything

ken - him training alone in his room w a broom lmfaoo it’s a cute little thing... i know ken’s whole thing is that he wants to be seen as mature and an “adult”, so i just love when he gets to be a kid/does childish things. like yes plz act your age you deserve to be a child god damn ur just a baby. SMILE!! BE HAPPY!!

koromaru - hard to say with a guy who’s just a little dog. but i enjoy when he’s fighting that shadow by himself around the time he joins the team and it proves how determined n courageous he is … what a good little guy…

#ask #p3ask #i feel like i did akihiko dirty but i talk about him so much already

[quietwingsinthesky]

Rules: List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

Tagged by @roxannepolice :3!!! and for my own sake, I've gone with my actual fics and not my daily drabbles.

"Rose is always surprised by how barren Jack’s room seems compared to her own." - New Discoveries, in Good Hands (my transmasc!rose/jack fic)

"Amy watches her boys, a grin on her face." - up a creek without a paddle (and the water rushes so loudly) (the uhm. amy/eleven/rory watersports fic. that happened.)

"He should be better at knowing when Jack is scheming." - tell a story, make it a good one, make it come true (human!doctors au where they are siblings, inspired by some of lazer-screwdriver's tags on those posts, i swear i'm gonna write the chapter about ten soon.)

"'Don’t look at me like that,' Even says, softly." - i was not taught forgiveness (OC fic, starring Even and Twelve reconciling. poorly.)

"Even stares at Clara until she gets uncomfortable and looks away first." - love is a promise, trust is a feeling (Also OC fic, with Even & Clara this time.)

"I should be dead." - Stalemate (....look. writing about my silly little OC is fun, okay. this time starring even & simm!master)

"Toshiko knows something is up from the moment Jack begins to grin from across the table." - put a ring on it (fake proposal with real kissing jack/tosh fic)

"'No. I'm not doing this. It's humiliating,' Owen protests, slapping Jack's hands away whenever he tries to get a grip on him." - if you follow your friends off a bridge, better hope they pick you up afterwards (jack/owen fic that i am cheating for and including more because otherwise the first sentence would just be 'no')

"'There's no way we're getting inside without getting soaked,'" Gwen says, as if she isn't already dripping. - the forecast calls for (silly gwen & ianto fic about getting caught in the rain)

"Harriet Saxon is not having a good day." - go looking for ghosts (my post-amy & rory leaving mourning fic where eleven makes bad choices and paradoxes are considered. and they were both girls.😳)

double-tagging @lazer-screwdriver to peer pressure them into sharing their oc fics to everyone again, and also @fandom-space-princess, @artoodeeblue, @buddyapologist, and @a-shard-of-quartz-lol (have fun :D)

#tag game

[tracingpatternswrites]

The Patchwork of Us | Chapter 10

(I'm just copy/pasting my A/N notes into this post)

My darlings! I'm feeling quite emotional now that I'm about to post the final chapter of this story.

I cannot tell you all how incredibly blown away and happy I am over the reception of this fic. It started as a silly idea and having so many people reading along and commenting has really made this into such a special journey.

In this country, we celebrate Christmas on the 24th so I'm back in my childhood home tonight, and I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room writing/editing/posting Wolfstar fanfic while my family watches telly around me and it's like I'm 16 years old again (and not like it was 16 years since I used to do this, hush).

Anyway, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has joined me on this journey and everyone who has read and kudoed and commented so far. Without you, this wouldn't be as fun. I'm so humbled and grateful that you have fallen in love with these idiots (and Teddy) the same as I have. Thank you!

Also a special thank you to @heartofspells and @squintclover for being so encouraging, for betaing, for bouncing ideas and for always, always, always being my biggest cheerleaders when I have a new bizarre AU idea. I love you both!

I will post the actual full post for this fic tomorrow, but you can read it from the beginning here.

Snippet below the cut.

“Why can’t I come?” Teddy asked, his bottom lip pushed out in a pout as he kicked his legs against the side of the tub.

He was perched on the edge of it, watching as Sirius was getting himself ready. Sirius had pulled his hair up into a ponytail, studying his face in the mirror. He was pondering whether or not he should add some eyeliner or if that would be too much. He would have to leave in a few minutes if he didn’t want to be late. His heart was fluttering happily in his chest as he thought about the evening. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been on a date, and he felt quite out of practice. He used to be pretty good at them, but as with everything it seemed to become more and more daunting the longer he put it off. The last one he’d been to had been well before Teddy had come into his life.

He’d hooked up with some guys since then, of course. It had usually happened when his friends (with James at the forefront, cheered on by Dora) had dragged him to a club. It had never turned into anything more than a casual hook-up though, and Sirius knew that was mostly his own fault. He hadn’t felt ready for a relationship, everything with Dora and Teddy had just felt too complicated.

This was different though. Remus was different, and Sirius felt comfortable admitting that to himself now. Remus was already a part of his life, of Teddy’s life. He was someone who was already there and would be there, regardless of what Sirius thought about it. That was a thought that both thrilled and terrified him.

It was a gamble, of course, because so much was at stake, but it still felt like it made sense. Asking Remus out had been a spur-of-the-moment thing, he was floating high in post-orgasm, but the light in the other man’s eyes had told him immediately that it had been the right thing to do.

For a while he had thought that the fight between Remus and James would get in the way, but as Sirius had learnt a long time ago it was impossible to stay angry with James Potter for more than five minutes. Remus had tried his best, Sirius had to admit that much, but in the end nothing ever stood in the way once James Potter had set his mind on something. For the past week he had put every little bit of energy into making Remus forgive him, and by the way he had turned up to celebrate a couple of nights ago he had finally succeeded.

Remus had admitted as much, too. He had said he’d forgiven James for not telling him straight away, and that they’d had a good conversation about it. Remus hadn’t told him any details though, and neither had James, clearly set on keeping his promise to Remus not to spill any more of his secrets. It was okay, Sirius thought, because he figured Remus needed someone in his life that he could trust. Someone aside from Sirius, that was, because he had promised himself that he would be one of the people that Remus could depend on from now on. 

Sirius had asked Harry to come over and watch Teddy while he was gone, and that had seemed like a winning concept up until just now, when Teddy had suddenly changed his mind. Once he had clocked that Sirius was going to meet up with Remus, he had been nagging Sirius’ ear off about being allowed to tag along. Sirius loved Teddy, and he was happy that the boy clearly wanted to spend time with him and Remus both, but had really been looking forward to having some alone time with Remus.

“Padfoot!” Teddy’s impatient voice yanked Sirius out of his thoughts. “Why can’t I come?”

“Not this time,” said Sirius before deciding he might just as well go all in, and he carefully applied the eyeliner before smoothing it out with a finger. “You can see Remus tomorrow.”

“But I wanna see him now ,” Teddy pouted, and Sirius smiled a little as he turned around to look at the boy.

“I know, but me and Remus are going to have dinner alone tonight.”

“But why ?” Teddy demanded with a frown.

“Because,” Sirius replied, and this time he grinned as Teddy gave an unimpressed huff.

“That’s not a reason,” Teddy complained. “You always tell me that’s not a reason.”

Sirius laughed, “Well, this time me and Remus want to have some time alone, we have…adult things we need to do.”

It was the truth, Sirius thought, because he had a feeling he’d spend most of the evening picturing how Remus would look bent over various surfaces.

“What adult things?” Teddy demanded, but Sirius was saved by the knock on the door.

“That’s Harry,” Sirius said. “Go let him in, I’ll be down in a bit.”

Sirius chuckled to himself as Teddy stomped down the stairs, and when he heard the front door being yanked open he went into his bedroom to check himself in the mirror. He smoothed his shirt out, half-turning to check his arse in his jeans. He looked pretty good; he knew that he cleaned up well but it was nice to see that he hadn’t lost it even if he was out of practice.

He slipped his silver rings onto his fingers before throwing one last look at himself and then venturing downstairs. He found Harry and Teddy in the living room, and he had a horrible feeling that he blushed faintly as Harry let out a wolf whistle at the sight of him.

“You clean up good, Padfoot. Hoping to score?” he smirked, and he looked so much like James just then that Sirius very nearly flipped him off before he remembered that it was, in fact, not James but his seventeen-year-old godson and he was sitting next to an eight-year-old.

Continue on AO3.

#the patchwork of us #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #teddy lupin #muggle au #read on ao3 #hp fanfic #my writing

[crystallizsch]

[ masterlists ] - ocs / art (+ some writing) - my fridge (stuffs for me :3) - tag directory

[ main: @scint1llat3 ] - reblogs galore with different fandoms including twst (not spoiler-free) - i also follow and interact from here :3

[ credits ] - used game assets from @/alchemivich for dividers/deco on my posts! - banner by @/midnightmah07 🥺💕

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[ intro post tl;dr ]

you can call me "ian" or "crystal" (from my user if it’s easier)!

i am 18+ !! (but everyone is still free to interact! / this is a sfw acc)

twst-only blog (with a fixation for jamil viper at the moment help me)

i usually do art (oc x canon content / other silly stuff) + occasional shitposts/rambles

i think it should also be important to note that sometimes the majority of my thoughts are in the tags hgsdfnds

not spoiler-free for EN content, i WILL be posting about them immediately the moment new content comes out; JP content will be tagged with #twst jp & #twst jp spoilers so please filter them out if you dont want to see them!

i also post about twst manga updates so the tag for it is #twst manga

tagging me and spam is fine! love em :0

asks open for everyone and anything (w/ anon available)!

(slightly more detailed/rambly version below!) ━━━━━━✦

welcome ~ ♡

for the people finding themselves here uhhh-

hi! you can refer to me as ian or i don't mind crystal -from my user- if it's easier to remember!

twisted wonderland has been haunting my every waking moment so that's gonna be this entire blog ;;;

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i do mostly art (forgive the style inconsistency from one post to another i'm experimenting hfjskdljs), i sometimes do writing???, and generally i just post whatever comes to mind.

also a lot of oc x canon stuff and the occasional shitposts and rambles. (fair warning i do a lot of long posts with comics hndnfsn)

(also when i freak out about things it’s usually an over-exaggeration so please don’t take everything i say too seriously and 100% my opinion 😭)

i also ramble a lot in the tags which is usually where 90% of my thoughts are ;;;

and despite being a majority jamil viper content at the moment (bc brainrot for him is real rn), i do in fact still have a love for the rest of the twst game --

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this blog is not spoiler-free for already released EN content (stuff as recent as they come out); i will only tag spoilers for JP content and twst manga updates with #twst jp / #twst jp spoilers and #twst manga so please filter those out if you do not want to see those posts!

i consume spoilers and can be quick to react to them, so please keep that in mind!

i am mainly based on EN because that's what i play but i also catch up with JP stuff; so my knowledge and preferences about twst are very mix-and-match.

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i am 18+ but i am a sfw account so nothing here will be too mature/nsfw!! (if there would be anything that i think would be too crude/sensitive/suggestive, i will put a warning! but it’s very unlikely i’ll even post that kind of stuff)

again just please be aware that you are interacting with an 18+ account even though there won’t necessarily be anything here that i believe you shouldn’t be seeing if you’re under 18.

(and on that note, if anything else just rubs you the wrong way or makes you feel uncomfortable, it's okay to suddenly block/unfollow i will not take it personally; please prioritize your health/safety/comfort!)

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tagging me and spam is absolutely fine :0

i love seeing the interactions, y’all are fun. even you silent lurkers, likers, and rebloggers. i understand and i tend to be the same, so you are all hella appreciated too 💖

and irdc what you do with reblogs, go ham and have fun you lovelies.

also i read all tags and replies even if i don't respond to all of them. i appreciate them all, thank you so much 😭😭💕💕

also also i can be incredibly slow at responding sometimes so pls forgive me on that 🙏

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ask box ~ ☆

always open! and feel free to send about anything! (anon is always available if you prefer!)

i welcome thoughts, questions, etc and i'm always looking to chat or just gush about twst! (i'm also okay with things that aren't twst-related like just silly random asks :3)

on that note, i'm also down for requests / ideas! canon stuff, oc ramblings / interactions, oc x canon, etc. !!!

(no specific rules at the moment because i'm not sure what to expect yet;;; but everyone has been generally cool!!)

AND!!! if i haven't gotten to your ask yet don't worry i have! im usually giving it a response it deserves so i apologize if sometimes it takes a long while ;;;

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~ hopefully you enjoy looking around !!!

#last edit: 05/19/24 #*editing for the umpteenth time because of formatting and wording* #also hi im just vibing #and yelling into the void ;;; #help why is the void yelling back

[yellowloid]

Hello! I wanted to share my experience since I saw your post about recent gig, if it's ok :) I was in Paris at the Accor Arena too, but on May 10th. It was their 3rd show in a row and for some reason I was worried that they would be tired by this point, but no!! Alex was in some kind of an upper mood, quite excited even. Yeah, somewhere between songs he said "we are (or I am) exhausted at this point, but we are so happy" or smth like that. In fact, English is not my first language, and it was difficult to understand him sometimes, and I understood some phrases only after the concert from the fan videos on Instagram lol

Btw, he spoke French quite often that day, almost more than English ahahha. He greeted us in French, constantly thanked us in French with merci, "big ideas" was also said in French, and during dsdcihmyc he shouted "chair" in French. And during Body Paint, he awkwardly touched a standing guitar with a cord and dropped it that I couldn’t stop laughing afterwards. But outro BP was something incredibly exciting, he was great, completely immersed in what he was doing. During I wanna be yours, I almost cried, he sang it so soulfully, as if mentally returning to past happy moments in his memory. Oh, and yes, we had Cornerstone. Sorry...

As for the crowd, I completely agree with you. But, even though I had sitting places, already on the second song everyone stood up and did not sit down until the very end, dancing and screaming (me in particularly). To the right and left sides of me there were cute grandfathers in earplugs (funny that there alone, like they literally came to listen to the group, not to spend time with their grandchildren), who danced more actively than me and filmed every song on the phone ahhaha, it was very nice to see them! And before the encore, the stadium was shaking with clatter and I had goosebumps all over my body, the applause did not stop for a minute until they came out again. But yes, there was clearly a revival on the hype songs from AM, and on the songs from The Car everyone calmed down a bit. Of course, this is not Glasto, but still the audience was on fire.

And there were many more moments when he sang "I am a fool for you" directly to the camera, shouted something in the middle of the songs or between them, bowled on Pretty Visitors, said some little phrases between each song, it's unforgettable. I even had a mental breakdown after the concert, like only after the gig I realized that I saw them live and that they all were REAL indeed. Alex is so tiny sweety pie, and when he was blowing kisses at the very end and smiling sincerely, it made him look like a child. I just love them all so so much. I want to go to one more concert, because it really went disastrously fast.

Best experience in my life, happy that you also had it! ❤️

how dare you do this to me while i'm still drowning in concert nostalgia sjhdggdgsg

the usual french banter was actually so wholesome at my show too <3 definitely expected him to say something more but you won't catch me complaining shfgsg. and the "LA CHAISE" moment at yours was so random and silly how did y'all not collectively eat him. also not him dropping a guitar LMAOOOO

and i absolutely agree, body paint is already such a powerful song (it's been in my top three from the car from the very first moment eheheh) but hearing it live is just so........uGH it's soso powerful and the instrumental part when he always goes to jamie and they do their thing is absolutely beautiful and intense and aaaaa <///3

ugh i'll never forgive them for not giving me cornerstone and i was very upset about that BUT i have to say i probably would've been even MORE upset if they played perfect sense because i feel like it's rarer yknow? it's much more likely for them to play cornerstone (for obvious reasons) rather than perfect sense or even star treatment (which thankfully i got sjghdgf)

also iwby.......yeah. he always looks so pensive when he sings that and i'm like who HURT you babygirl <////3

yeah about the audience it was exactly the same at my show, we were all standing up and jumping around for most of the concert (mostly am and fwn tracks) but then the majority would go dead for specific songs, mostly from the car. but you can BET i was still singing my heart out. and also YEAH can we talk about the applause at the end of the main set and after the encore???? it just didn't stop it lasted SO LONG and it was SO WELL DESERVED because they were AMAZING

i awww'ed out loud at the grandfathers that is literally so sweet. i hope they had a great time :')

i don't remember if he bowled at my show but he did raise the mic stand in the air during pretty visitors sjfhsgfgs i also think he did something similar to what you said during sias, or maybe another song i don't remember - but yeah he pointed directly at the camera and i saw it on the big screen and almost collapsed right there and then lmao. and when he kept waving goodbye and blowing kisses and smiling he was so pretty and he really looked happy to be there and i just never wanted him to get off stage :') i truly wanted that moment to last forever.

the feeling you get once you realize that you're actually seeing them/you saw them is CRAZY. like they exist! they're real and tangible and you were in the same place as them! breathing the same air! and right after it's done (it literally goes by so fast) you start missing them so much. it's almost been two weeks and i'm still so emotional and nostalgic <///3 i love them so much and i miss them terribly.

thank you for sharing your experience anon, it was a pleasure reading about it and i'm happy we both had a great time!!

#I MISS THEM I MISS THEM #THEY WERE SO PERFECT I WANT TO GO BACK LET ME GO BACK #</////////3 #answered #arctic monkeys #accor arena

[captorcorp]

ok im rambling about my thoughts on tadc bc i have many (long post)

ok first of all general character opinions with walk cycle gifs to break up the walls of text (gifs from here):

caine: the silly guy... literally why red recommended this to me was the digital world setting + an ai character and they know me too well because every ai character is my favorite by default. i'm very excited to see what we end up learning about him throughout the series, also i absolutely love that he was inspired by AM from ihnmaims but 'if he was a silly little guy instead of fueled by hate' or whatever the creator said about him. his weird head design is really creative though it does discomfort me a bit sometimes, something about the combination of eyes and teeth;;; still think he's kinda tumblr sexyman coded besides the teeth head but most people are too distracted with objectifying jax so he gets a pass

pomni: she's cool!! it's hard to form a solid view of her so far bc most of what we've seen is her being understandably overwhelmed with and O.O at everything, but she seems like she'll be a pretty interesting protag - i liked them showing her moments of weakness with leaving ragatha behind too. that being said i think she stretched out the 'omg this isn't real what's going on???' freaking out bits way too long but that's just a personal gripe with that sorta stuff in media like this. if i was isekai'd into the digital circus i would simply be so chill about it after only 5 minutes of panic. rip to pomni but i'm different /j oh yeah also a fun character design even though i don't really like clowns she's just very Shaped

jax: motherfucker. jk i actually don't feel that strongly about him i just find him slightly annoying at times. at first i thought 'oh ok he's a loveable asshole yeah he's kinda entertaining so he's cool' and then he just ended up being more asshole than loveable. also thought he was sexyman coded and was unfortunately right this time ^^; apparently he's the creator's fave too?? so hopefully he doesn't get away with too much stuff without consequences, or he's gotta actually get some positive traits yknow. however i do love his design with the big grin and semicircle eyes and etc, very cartoony and fun. if the controversial blorbo poll was still open i would submit him bc it seems like the fandom is split on him. but also kinda tired of him from fandom overexposure

ragatha: she's really nice and i want to be her friend - looking forward to seeing where her character goes in the future though, bc we've only seen her being polite and forgiving and sweet and etc, and i think she should be allowed to kill people /hj. it was cool seeing her get glitched too even if ;-;. i was never into raggady ann stuff like i've heard the creator is but her design is still cute too, even if less surreal than some of the others ^^

bubble: keep forgetting this guy exists, not a huge fan tbh? gets some points for being another ai though. looks like a chain chomp. i do like that they're able to be popped and respawn though, that's a fun quirk. the scene with them cleaning up after pomni is p gross

kinger: i barely thought about this guy during the pilot tbh so was surprised to see the fandom all adoring him. kinda just reminds me of fear from inside out. but actually overexposure of him from tumblr and other people enjoying him kinda made him grow on me a bit (reverse of what has been happening w jax). he's pretty cool to me now. i can't believe fandom already gave him a tragic backstory with that queen chesspiece we see crossed out...

zooble: another character i didn't really think about, though i like their design and detachable body parts and such. i also couldn't really get a good sense of their personality tbh? i think they just need more screentime honestly

gangle: i wanted to like her a lot more than i did when i first saw her bc her design is very fun, with the ribbon-based body and comedy/tragedy masks and etc. but ended up not getting too interested in her as a character. but i think she's in the same category as zooble where she needs more screen time and character development though? bc she still seems like she could be cool if her personality gets explored more

thoughts on the overall pilot:

ngl i have a whole bunch of gripes about it despite also rotating it in my mind. i feel like a lot of the characters are a little 1-dimensional currently, even if i do find those dimensions appealing for the most part, hoping they get more characterization in the actual main season though. also most of the pacing/jokes didn't really land for me or felt a bit forced, though there were some good bits like king's hands following zooble's head, pomni opening doors to surreal scenes like the bathing mannequin, jax getting choked by zooble's hand, the randomly generated 5-letter names, also any of the cartoony imagery gags like the censor bars or cartoon dust cloud of gloinks.

however, overall i enjoyed it still!!! all of the animation has so much charm and character to it, surreal semi-human character designs are always great, it's very colorful and bright and reminiscent of old early 2000s activity center games, etc. it gives me kinda 'welcome home' vibes, with both being bright and cheery exteriors meant to mimic old media style that mask darker stuff under the surface. also the general plot of like. people being trapped in this weird setting and forced to participate in fucked up (?) games by some mysterious mastermind (well we know who the mastermind is but not much about him) while struggling to escape or understand why they've been trapped here... very common plot but always is intriguing to me. also of course [holds digital worlds and ais in my hands] my beloved tropes...

thoughts on the fandom:

i am. concerned. that there seems to be an overlap with the h*zb*n h*t*l fandom;; but also i don't know anything about that show's status besides like. callout posts about the creator and people complaining about the pacing/character designs and etc. so i don't really know if all of the hh fans is bc it's like, also an animated series that appeals to the same audience? or if it's going to be too similar or inspired from it or also have a problematic creator somehow 😔

otherwise it's whatever, maybe a bit on the :I side bc i already saw someone make a y*nd*r* jax imagine post and it scared me hjkdfs. otherwise mostly just usual fandom stuff i think? dunno.

actually nevermind i just got back from twitter and apparently the creator is already feeling :/ about their own fandom and apparently people on tiktok are hcing some fucked up stuff about jax so. can fans be normal for 2 seconds please.

#kcat talks #ok ramble over i'm normal again ^^ <- lying #just f about the association w the fanbase if it continues to be :/

[oldworldmonekys]

1, 6, 21, and 23 please :) <2

@snowychicken

Hai Snowy!! Thanks for asking questions :D

Writing concisely is one of the things I'm most bad at in the world so advanced apologies for however these prolly long aahh answers turn out to be :) (Edit: I'm half way through question 1 and this post is probably already as long as it needed to be. It's also 4 am and I'm barely sentient. Forgive me for my sins.)

1. What song makes you feel better?

uuhhhh fake gay lame bald answer but I've never had one single go-to song for feeling better. No matter how much I like a song it can make me feel better or infinitely worse because of the random abstract feelings and places and moments in time they're tied to in my slime brain. Usually I'm just queuing up songs that fuel the mood I'm in, whatever it may be :3

However I semi-often find songs that I like in a certain way and then listen to them and only them for days on loop as some kinda' nervous system regulation so I think those songs are most fitting for this. There's been a lot though.

Recently that song has been Free The Frail by JPEGMAFIA. Really been enjoying singing along with the chorus and learning to have better vocal control and learn a less nasal-y, more smooth falsetto. Helena Deland's heart-shatteringly beautiful voice throughout the song is incredible too. Even just her humming, oml.

I want to give some other examples especially because I love talking about music more than anything but I have this bizarre fear that if I give examples of the stuff I listen to it'll misrepresent my music taste so I always feel like I gotta list something from every band and genre I've ever liked so maybe I just leave this answer here for now until I learn to be normal about it :')

6. Say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

oh no

uummmm, uhhhh, I'm tryin to think of stuff that isn't accessories like my nose ring because those are my favourite things about my physical appearance but I don't think those count ~

I went on too long about the music so I'm'a keep this short. (That's how that would have to be written, yeah? "I am gonna", idk seems right)

3 Physical things - I like my big stupid nose on occasion, it makes me feel powerful like um a big bird or easter island head. I like that my facial hair grows in red even though my hair doesn't anymore and it's redder in the sun and especially during summer. I like having cartoonishly thicc and strong looking legs even though they're really not that strong, I tell people it's my Ukrainian genes but in reality it's from the neurodivergent toe-walking I've been doing my whole life lol

I skip the non-physical ones cuz uhhhhh that's a lotta effort right now and uuhhh oh look at the time!

21. If you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

I thought this was supposed to be soft asks! Snowy skipped right on past questions like "what candle do you like" and "fairy lights or LED lights" and casually threw this one in there. Thank you for keeping me on my toes, o' mutual of mine.

If I could tell my past self one thing I'd probably have a crisis about it and spend months trying to determine the very best thing I could tell them to help them the most and then tell them something silly in the end anyway. If it were in the moment and I had to pick immediately though, I'd probably tell them to stay out of relationships until 18 and spend their time finding themself instead.

I'm doing a lot of catching up now making up for time unwisely spent on other people throughout the majority of my teens and I think I'd be better off now if I had done something wise like watch every Digimon series instead.

23. Favourite piece of clothing?

Last question, thank you for making it this far if you have <3

If accessories count, my stupid, circular, coloured pairs of sunglasses I wear under my already stupid, circular prescription glasses.

If accessories don't count, maybe my comfy black Junji Ito shorts I wear at home that have really rad, gruesome panels on the front. Or maybe the black jacket from my father's old job I've been wearing lately because it's thin and perfect for the weather and has a big collar so I can look professional and a little bit like a matrix character on a dress-down day.

---

Thanks for letting me ]practice the skill of pretending to know how to write like a person and thank you more importantly for reading it all, you're crazy for that. I don't even know what I wrote, if I tried to edit this or check anything over now I'd separate into all my component elements so instead I just go to bed in my hammock (bed). Goodnight Snowy friend and whoever else may encounter this!

[charmedojamajo]

WAOF LIVE REACTIONS:

Chapter 3.

🩷🧡💙💜💛

I love how this chapter starts with @pippelulu and I complaining about how bad we are at writing weddings and musing over when they'll happen in the story. I don't think a single wedding happened over the course of 31 chapters.

This was... probably the most confusing opening scene ever written. And I can't remember which one of us is responsible for it. Why do Aiko and Hadzuki think they're doomed? Why does Onpu say "who would want to do that" after Doremi says she's getting married when 1. Onpu is already engaged and 2. It seems later on in the scene no one even heard Doremi anyway? And again WHY did we have to ruin Momoko for ✨comedy✨.

"bluenette" - yeah that was PippElulu and also very 2000s fanfiction coded.

Now at this point it's well established that this story could not care less about continuity and plot holes and everything that happened was just for the sake of "random xD" but WHY was this mentioned lmfao. The scene opened with everyone sitting around in the living room before the conga madness. So were they all just chilling watching porn together? Did the TV malfunction at that very moment? Also love the idea of Aiko beating the shit out of a conga line while some corny porn music plays in the background lmao

Spot the kids who knew nothing about currencies and the cost of jewellery lmao. Also wouldn't that be forbidden magic? Inflation bro...

MELON LORD MENTION 🍉🍉WHY DID WE INCLUDE THIS CONSTANTLY?

lmao sorry bestie but I love how PippElulu called Aiko getting excited over the engagement of one of her best friends being "childish and silly."

Momoko forgive me... you are so smart and intelligent and wise and not the melon lord. I beg you.

Again with the "random xD" lol why is there a whole scene of the FLATY5 fighting like kids in their own home before Aiko just appears out of nowhere.

Lmao pippelulu and I were laughing over this the other day. Homie really wrote a whole paragraph of Aiko turning into a pixie and it was just never brought up again. Where is the LORE.

Oh, and Leon transforms too (of course).

Leon took Aiko's chin and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. They stayed like that for at LEAST 6 seconds.

This sentence reminds me of when my friend and I were flipping through 50 Shades of Grey looking for the worst lines and one was "we stayed like that for minutes. Many minutes."

I totally stole that first piece of dialogue from a Charmed episode and that's probably why I kept it in.

PippElulu and I would send each other our parts over ffn pms and there is in fact a conversation where we argue over this.

This was posted on PippElulu's account originally so she could have just taken it out instead of adding in her author's note... OR AT THE VERY LEAST CORRECTED MY YOU'RE

"The others are acting hormonal; they're acting like 12 year old boys"

Well, makes sense given it was written by 12 year old girls 😀👍

I don't have anything to say about this scene, I just need to make sure PippElulu reads it.

But the next line has Hadzuki summoning a bubble wand? Literally what were all the random ass abilities we were giving these girls. We fr went "magical girls? oh so any magic will do then, right?"

"THE MELON LORD COMMAND THAT YOU PEASANTS GIVE HER A PIE! GIVE THE MELON LORD PIE AND SHE WILL FORGIVE THE SELFISH DESIRES OF THE WATER BENDER!"

Momoko I am so sorry...

And Aiko has electrokinesis too????

I genuinely had no idea what "overrated" meant when this was written so I have to laugh every time I use that word to refer to the fic. Like bestie you have no clue what you're yapping about 😭

< ch2 | ch4 >

#i think this was the first chapter we didnt write together in the same room #idk when the next one we wrote together will be but im sure ill have memories of it when it happens #waof reread #waof ch3 #bri rambles

[bokutoitadori]

day 2 of no twitter I need a place to talk about how much I love my friends and my girlfriend so this is it. it's so embarrassing that I have to say these things in English because in my mother language it would feel so personal and I would feel very exposed LAME AF.

every since I was little I always had this sort of victim complex and I always thought that the worse things would happen to me (maybe not a victim complex, I'm just dramatic and also the Brazilian bokuto kotaro) but after a lot of therapy sessions and some really needed self reflection I'm aware that I couldn't be more lucky, and it makes me mad at myself that I have such a hard time recognizing it. I've always wanted a sister, but my mom didn't have the time or the money for one child, let alone two, however, when I was 16 I met my sister for life (that sounds so cheesy but hear me out everyone or no one since I don't have that many followers). I found thayssa (my future adoptive older sister that actually adopted me even tho we pretend is the other way around because I'm the extroverted one) crying in our school bathroom, which is funny because these days she doesn't cry as often, I think she passed me the crybaby disease, and I decided to talk to her because you know THERE WAS A PRETTY GIRL CRYING IN THE BATHROOM AND OH MY GOD WHY IS SHE SAD WHAT HAPPENED ARE YOU OKAY and the rest is history (I'm so lazy), when I look back at this moment it's so funny to me that maybe it I didn't go inside that bathroom at the time, or if I was scared to talk to her (thayssa was sooooo scary back then she's just silly nowadays) I would've lost the opportunity to be part of her life and I would lose one of the most important people I will ever meet. Thayssa kinda ruined things for me because I've always been so dramatic and a self-loathing little shit and now how can I complain and say that my life sucks when she exists? she listens to me all the time, and makes me lunch, she hugs me when I'm sad and she doesn't hug me when I don't feel like being touched, she takes me to the park, and the cinema, and she buys me ice cream when I'm too sad to do anything other than sulk, she sends me all these little poems about friendship and soulmates and she makes me playlists, she tells me about all her favorite artists and her new obsession at the moment (the current one is bakudeku and even tho I wasn't a huge fan if someone talks shit about them in front of me they won't hear the end of it), she makes me friendship bracelets and she accepts my gifts, she bought me a new phone just bc my old one broke and she thought it would be nice for me to play games and have a phone that actually works for the first time in 7 years (I've been THRU it), she also wears the frog ring I bought her, the one that matches MY frog ring, she dedicates her favorite songs to me and how lucky I am that she could look at something she loves to much and I'm the first one that comes to mind. After almost 7 years of friendship (things weren't always easy, we were very immature and grew a lot, stopped fighting and started TALKING etc) I could sit here all day and talk about how much she means to me, but I'm not even finished with this post and I'm already crying. things have been so hard lately and I would never forgive myself if I let all the shit I'm going through make me forget the people I have with me, so I decided to write about them, and OF COURSE I would start with thayssa because I could talk about her all day. it is very pretty to think that all along there was some invisible string, tying you to me.

#thayssaseyli #nohomo #invisiblestring #lovingpeopleissoembarrassing #sorry for the typos i cant see shit i might be crying BUT i might be NOT

[quinnick]

hey! this is the byler chicken anon, @swashbuckling-chicken and i'm here to ask you your opinions on the trauma cycle and how it's portrayed in stranger things because i feel like you would have some deep thoughts

Anon, you have too much faith in me and I am slightly terrified that I have gained a status as a "Deep thought" haver (/lh)

But I have never not answered an ask (a lie) so I will try to give some thoughts.

I am not entirely sure if you are referring to a trauma cycle as in a person being unable to break themselves out of constantly being retraumatized or a trauma cycle like as in the act of one traumatized person passing on unhealthy behaviors and traumatizing another person by their healed trauma

I am going to kind of explore both options although I will say that I am not going to go super deep, 1 because I am in a silly goofy mood where I don't finish long tasks and 2 because I am not very well prepared for a long forum post (I say this 2 paragraphs in. This isn't going to be short just not a whole essay)

The characters in the story of Stranger Things are constantly still being retraumatized as the source of their trauma never really goes away. Starting in S1, we know the events must have been traumatic for Mike, Dustin, and Lucas as they are just small kids. They aren't even in highschool. Not even close. Along with this, these three have no trusted adults they can actively talk to about their trauma as the government is actively stopping them along with the fact that even then they are small kids. Traumatic shit happens to kids and they have no idea how to express their emotions or feeling surrounding it because they haven't learned how yet along with this many parents aren't prepared to deal with this either. A professional therapist would be needed but if they can't tell their parents then they can definitely not tell a person not even connect to them.

In season two, we can see that even though the active threat is not constantly present, they still have trauma and big emotions that they can't express. Mike is obvious in that he seems to be acting out in the beginning of the season as they discuss in the family dinner in S2 Ep1. Despite the fact that his parents note this as odd behavior, they don't try to reach out to Mike. Their only response is to punish the behavior to make it go away. In my opinion, a way to get rid of the symptom without actually treating the main issue. Which makes sense for the Wheeler parents to respond with as Ted is inattentive and careless while Karen is attentive, yes, but also only knows how to deal with unwanted behavior with punishment. It's been a moment since I watched S2 in it's whole so forgive me for forgetting a bit what Dustin and Lucas were up to in their small character moments. It is important to note that both these characters are also forced to hide their trauma from their parents. Along with this they also can't talk to Max about it which makes her feel like an outsider in the group.

Dustin does have to scrub the blood of his family pet off his rug so that can't be a bright spot in his day.

If S1 wasn't already traumatic for these characters, they also have to be under threat from something they thought was over. As much as I love a good old fashion, Mike S2 staying beside Will. Mike shouldn't have to deal with the constant threat of the unknown and if his bestfriend/crush could live or die. Not after S1.

I feel like I am starting to go off the rails and not even be tying this back to the orginal subject

Basically, every season so far as been characters reliving their trauma and being retraumatized and also get new ones. All while any adult is either unable to help from their own lack of knowledge, or understanding of trauma, or just the damn government stopping them.

I mean, I didn't even mention Jonathan who was already showing signs of parentification and inability to not put his needs on the back burner for others in S1. I love Joyce and understand her and can sympathize with her but can also understand that Jonathan need someone there to tell him that he didn't need to keep it all together. Which she does but sadly the plot forces her to choose between abandoning Jonathan emotionally or possibly saving Will. Now that I think about it, the casket scene is a good way to show how this all comes to a head and the show outright makes her choose. Jonathan chasing her down and basically begging her to be there for him. But she knows Will is still there so how could she possibly go casket shopping for her completely alive son.

Sorry if this made no sense. I am not used to writing analysis posts so this is more crumbs then actual thoughts.

Thanks for the ask and thanks for listening to me ramble <3

#Quinnick answers #Anon #TW discussion of trauma #TW mentions of abuse #Idk if this requires tw but just in case #Stranger Things #Byler Chicken anon #This is mostly Mike leaning because his scenes are at the forefront of my memory

[sluttypatrickstar]

sad bitch journal

december 16, 2022

been thinking about chronicling my depression for a while, guess there's no time like the present to start. no idea what this will be like in the future and i'm not pressuring myself to Write Good for this bcus frankly. No ♥️

i have been chronically depressed for about as long as i can remember but it’s been particularly bad this year since i graduated uni. haven’t found a job and am also unsure of my ability to work so i volunteer at a charity bookshop to try and give myself something to do as well as build up experience. it’s p boring but i love books so i can forgive it. a lot of my shifts are pricing books and seeing if i can fit them onto the shelves (this can be a real battle). crime and thriller is the bane of my existence because they’re overflowing. there are so many crime/thriller books. Help

today i decided to rearrange the romance section because i noticed a lot of the books had been out for a while and hadn’t sold. you learn a lot about a genre when you’re shelving it. romance is a very colourful genre

pictured: a mills & boon rrp. i love whoever decided this

i also learned that it’s REALLY hard to tell the difference between romance and cosy women’s fiction because they both look very cosy and have colourful and sweet book spines

after my pretty low-key shift, i bought some books (a really cute book of poe poetry, i’ll be gone in the dark, and the life changing magic of tidying up because i am a Messy Bitch) and met my dad to go to ANOTHER bookshop where i had a click and collect to pick up

pictured: the good stuff. Books

often i feel really guilty for buying so many books at our shop when i don’t even have an income but i really liked all of today’s finds so it didn’t feel so bad. sometimes i buy books and just wonder what i was thinking

then we went to a bakery and i got a brownie and a cookie/brownie combo which i shall have later and UGH YOU GUYS THIS BROWNIE

unspeakable joy. delicious. yum. 10/10 cured my soul. so tasty. the world can be hard but it’s all worth it when i get to have some Baking

i headed home after a bit – my dad’s cat, who is going deaf and is very sweet and wants cuddles ALL THE TIME loves plastic bags so spent most of the time licking my bag – and the bus came quickly and got me home quickly. i’m used to bus delays and getting stuck in traffic so i liked that a lot. Zoom

if you’re outside of the uk, then here’s a little bit of context: our postal service, royal mail, is striking throughout december. this means that not only are strike dates affected, but mail is piling up and they have so much to deliver already this month because of christmas post. so there are ofc postal delays! and about 3 weeks ago i ordered a wee colouring book on etsy by an artist called lilmeep. i got their first colouring book for my birthday in the summer and loved it a lot and sent the friend who bought it updates and showed her all my finished pages. so i’ve been waiting for this second book to get here.

i knew there were going to be delays, but i started getting worried that maybe it got lost as it dragged into the 2 weeks since posting mark. i really wanted my new colouring book, i was so excited, when was it going to arrive? and earlier today, as we were into my third week of waiting, i wondered if i should shoot the artist a message next week letting them know that it hadn’t arrived yet jic it had been lost or smthin.

and i got home and went into my bedroom and

IT’S HERE IT’S SO CUTE I’M SO EXCITED AAAAAAAAA

so yeah. i was just reflecting on how even though my brain is a shitbag and things have been really hard and it’s fuckin COLD and SAD outside, i got to enjoy these moments of colour and joy today. sadness and tiredness still leak into my day, but i was able to find these moments to enjoy, to get all these things i had been looking forward to, to spend time with my dad and his silly little plastic bag loving cat ... joy exists, joy remains, you can still find it

#mental health #depression #journal #writing #writeblr #journal entry #sad bitch journal #my mum just came through and told me we're getting takeaway pizza LOVE IS REAL #idk who im even writing this journal for but it's w/e i want to try new things #and if they don't work they don't work and nothing ventured nothing gained

[fujimoribaby]

I like that old question where its like

“If you were given the opportunity to go back in time with the knowledge you have now, would you?”

Previously my answer was no, as i had no major regrets

However now i see why such a question can tempt others enough to say yes

I’d say yes to that now if I could

Perhaps it’s a combination of grief and distaste for growing older, but I’d happily go back four or ten years ago

I dont usually post on this account but i have thoughts and i wanna write them so here i am pls feel free to ignore if you see this for some reason

Four years ago I would’ve just gotten into Voltron, back when the fandom was at its peak. I really miss those times and the friends I still had. Voltron was such a comfort then and now, only difference is the fandom is practically dead in the water whereas back then it was so active the Amino for it had over 3k people on most days

I do miss the fandom experiences, and I miss being young and going to Highschool waiting for the day I make a new friend or get into a relationship like i’d seen in movies (though that never happened), It’s not the reason I’d seriously go back in time

I think so much to myself that if I knew then what I know now, I couldve prevented it

Death destroys families, my family was already hanging on by a thread

I often wonder now how im supposed to navigate life without my number one supporter, without my female role model, without my mom

I cant think of an answer a year later

At this time as i write this , last year at this exact moment i started the movie venom.. yes.. because the new venom movie had just come out..

A year.. you dont realize how much time has passed when all you have left to cling onto are memories

“It seems like only yesterday” shouldnt be something someone below the age of 30 should be saying and yet here I am only I genuinely can’t comprehend how it wasnt just yesterday or a week ago that i had a conversation with my mom

Time doesnt seem real, and i wish it wasnt

If it wasnt i could go to the past

Change something and maybe change my moms life and keep her alive

The heart breaks in so many places, irreparable damage that not even a hug could fix

Cold winters and cold hugs

Cold winters filled with me watching voltron

Cold winters where my mom wore layers of pajamas

I dont want time to move forward

I wish it would just stop. Why doesnt the world stop when you do? It could possibly be the cruelest thing time does

I dont know why im still here, i dont know how to be an adult and the one person i shouldve been able to ask for help from is no longer here

Im behind, and though i have a reason, the world and mind aren’t forgiving for something as silly as grief

I wish i could go back in time

[forever-rogue]

Hi! Wondering if you’re gonna be taking prompts from the 360 you posted. If you are would you be able to do 36 and 54 with Din? Would love to see those with him!

Prompts used: 36. "Does he know about the baby?"

54. "H-how long have you been standing there?"

Pairing: Din Djarin x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: pregnant reader

THE MANDALORIAN MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Boba?” you reached for the Mandalorian’s arm and stopped him from going any further into his new hold. You wondered, for an amused fraction of a second, if you should attempt to address him as King Boba, just to get a rouse out of him. But the severity, the harsh reality of your current predicament placated any desire to do so. Fett turned to face you, pulling his helmet off so he could see you properly, “might I have a moment of your time?”

“Of course,” he set the helmet down on the aging wooden table as you inhaled and exhaled slowly, “what’s wrong, little one?”

“I was wondering...once you and Fennec are settled and Din plans on leaving,” you found the ground intriguing as you studied the worn soles of your shoes before continuing on, “might I stay on? With the two of you? I-I know I’m not as skilled as either of you, but I swear I’ll pull my weight and do as much as I can - whatever you desire. I would just like to stay here.”

Boba paused for a moment as he looked you over and contemplated what you had asked him. He had no issue with you staying on, absolutely none, knowing you were both capable and a quick learner. It was the reason behind the sudden request that caused him to consider his words. As he watched you, and you grew increasingly nervous, a single tear, one of nerves and worry rolled down her cheek and fell to the sandy ground. 

“Of course you can stay,” his hand went to your shoulder as he delicately squeezed it in a sign of reassurance, “make sure your Mandalorian knows of your plan. It would be a great shock for him to be blindsided.”

“Yes.”

“Does he know about the baby?” he chanced his question, although he was sure he wasn’t too far off the mark. While he had no children of his own, he’d been around enough women to know when someone fell pregnant. Maybe the bounty hunter was extra perceptive, maybe it was a trait of the Mandalorians to all be nurturing and familial, but from the look on your face, he knew he was right on money. 

“How did you...I haven’t told anyone,” your eyes were wide with worry as you looked around to make sure no one had heard Boba. If Din were to ever find out, this would be the last way you wanted him to do so, “I-I found out two months ago and I just...I don’t know what to do. I’m scared and nervous and worried. I can’t just tell him - he’s got too much going on to worry about something else. I can’t do that to him.”

“You think it is a better idea to never tell him about his child and take away any decision he has in this?” ever the level headed negotiator, Boba had a point. Your lips pulled into a frown as you shrugged your shoulders, “he deserves to know. Whatever decision he makes after that is up to him. It will tell you his true measure, although I am sure that is already quite apparent.”

“Boba, he’s the Mand’alor now,” you reached for his arm and held it tightly in your grasp, “I-I can’t have him worry about a silly thing like this. Especially not after...Grogu.”

“Tell me then, just what do you plan on doing with the babe?” it was a fair question to ask, and one you really needed to think about. The baby was going to come one way or another, so you would need a plan as quickly as possible, “were you going to have it and hide it? Hand it off to someone else? Raise it on your own and expect that he would never find out? He is your riduur-”

“And he is the Mandalorian and the Mand’alor,” you grew frustrated, not with Boba but with yourself. You knew he was right, you knew that you needed to tell Din but… it wasn’t that simple, “I can’t hold him back with a baby.”

“Suppose you don’t tell him,” Boba held up a hand for a moment as a musing glint entered his eye, “suppose you remain here and have ths child. Do you think he’s never going to come back to see you? Or for business? It would be awfully suspicious if he came in three or four months and found you round with child. It wouldn’t take much to put two and two together. It would be a greater pain, I think, if you were not to say anything and he came back to find the truth. You owe him at least some honesty.”

“You’re right,” you confessed quietly, letting the tears roll down your cheeks, “of course you are. I’m scared, Boba. I don’t want him to be angry and hate me or the baby. I don’t want to hold him back either. I want him to be happy…”

“He’d be a lot happier if you’d come to him with this first,” the voice startled you to your core as you realized exactly who it was. Swallowing the lump in your throat, your eyes widened in worry as Boba offered you an encouraging nod. Turning on your heel, you found Din watching both of you with intent; his expression was almost unreadable as your hands started to tremble.

“How long have you been standing there?” what a stupid question from a stupid girl.

“Long enough,” his voice was pointedly neutral as you nodded in understanding, “I think we need to talk.”

“Yes,” you agreed as you shuffled over to him, preparing yourself for the worst. 

Din was silent as he led you back to the quarters that served as your temporary home while you’d helped Boba and Fennec settle into their new roles. You followed close behind and swallowed the lump in your throat as he sealed the door. 

“It is it true?” he asked softly as his gaze shifted to your belly; there was still no evidence of your pregnancy just yet. But soon enough there would be, “you’re with child?”

“Yes,” you admitted, a hand slowly coming to rest on your belly, “I am. I found out…”

“Two months ago,” he finished for you as you nodded, “and you didn’t think to tell me?”

“I was scared and nervous, Din!”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” he asked softly as you refused to meet his eyes, “Cyare?”

“I wanted to,” you whispered, “I planned on it-”

“When?!”

“Eventually,” you’d seen your husband angry before, but never quite like this...never at you, “I was scared and I panicked and there was so much happening at once.”

“You were scared?” he asked as you nodded. Din stepped closer and stopped in front of you, looking at you curiously as he realized just how hard this was for you as well, “were you scared of me?”

“No,” you grabbed his hand and quickly cut him off, “never of you. It was just everything all at once. With losing...him, everything with the Mandalorians and Boba and Fennec. There could not have been a worse time for this to happen. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

“You’re sorry?” a look of confusion marred his features as his eyes softened and crinkled in the corner, “whatever are you sorry for? In case you forgot, this didn’t happen just because of you. It takes two...nothing in life seems to go to plan, but that doesn’t mean this doesn’t have to work out, Cyare. You are my riduur and that is our child.”

A large hand found your belly as he pulled you into him, wasting no precious time before he wrapped his arms around you. You hugged him back, just as tightly, just as fiercely, clinging onto him like it was the only thing in life that mattered, “I should have told you sooner, please forgive me, Din. I should have come to you first…”

“I’m glad I found out,” he whispered as he pressed gentle kisses to the side of your head before pulling back and cradling your face in his hands, “before something else happened or we were separated. I’m not mad, I’m happy - really happy. It doesn’t matter that the timing isn’t perfect or we’re in a different situation than we thought we might be. I’m happy, Cyare. I love you beyond measure, and that includes our whole family - Grogu, and whatever other children we’ll have.”

“Yeah?” you asked softly, barely above a whisper as he pressed his forehead against yours, “I love you.”

“I love you,” he agreed, “I hold you in my heart forever - you are my home, my heart, my family. We’ll figure this out together, I swear. Just promise me one thing.”

“Anything, Din.”

“Don’t stay here,” he pressed a kiss to your lips, “stay with me.”

“Yes,” your smiled against his lips, “I’m not going anywhere.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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#din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the Mandalorian #the Mandalorian x reader

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation. 

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1. 

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.  

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?  

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore.  Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

 ***

 After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

 “Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.  

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.  

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.  

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

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