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ao-21 · 3 years

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BARE WITH ME. This is going to be very long and I am writing this at midnight.

this is the first fic I have written and probably the only fic I will ever write, I needed to get this out of my system.

I have been thinking about this for a while and this is just basically gonna be the full back/life story of Will Solace that I headcannon.

So let's start at the beginning:

Naomi Solace mother of Will Solace as per the books is a country singer and it was said that she was a kind hearted person as was stated in the trails of apollo (I don't remember which book specifically, but it was stated). This is unfortunately all we know about her.

In my head- while the toa is happening(around 2012-2013)- Naomi is basically as famous as Beyoncé, Whitney, Brittany Spears molded together -and just as talented as amazing as them) and is basically a household name.

So as per my previous post when I did the timeliness of events for the series, let's say Will was born in 1995 which would make him 15 during the trials of Apollo (I know in my timeline post I said he would be 16 but I have decided to bump him done an age because of how old Nico would have been and people had a problem with him being so much older).

So in 1995 Will was born in early September maybe late August to keep in time the birthday the Fandom came up for him.

This means Naomi and Apollo would have met in November/December of 1994. At this point in time Naomi is 23 and and just released her third country album and it was a big hit and quite popular.

They met at a charity event were they both are going to perform on stage. When it is Naomi's turn to perform Apollo is totally blown away by how talented and amazing she is, and he has to met her. They met stuff happens blah blah blah and it ends in a onenightstand, and they never see each other again until after Will is born.

Naomi is the daughter of grandma Solace and Granpa Solace (I don't care enough to give them actually names and I will be referring to them as such) she is the middle child in a family of nine siblings, yes nine -this would make her child number 5- and she is very close to all her siblings but she is the closest to Anna(child number 4), as there is only 10 months age difference between them and their practically twins.

Anna Solace is a transgenger woman who came out to her family when she was 13 and was met with acceptance and love and support from her parents and siblings and was allowed to transition asap. She is ace/aro and perfectly happy being single and child free but she still spoils her neices and nefews and she is Wills godmother. She is a fashion designer and the ceo of a big company that is 100% vegan, animal cruelty free, and practices humain treatment towards all workers who are paid liveable wage of I don't know 20$ an hour(I don't know how money works in America) plus they all get free paid for health care for them and their families.

Grandma Solace is the only daughter of a family of 5 children. And because she was the only girl with 4 brothers in the early 1900s she was not given an education and she was basically mistreated by her brothers and her father. I'd like to say they had a poorish family and where underprivileged so they didn't really have much. Then came into their lives Grandpa Solace who came from a wealthy family (handsomely rich family) who would so to school with one of Gran Solaces brother and he basically fell head over heels in love with gran Solace the first time they met.

Grandpa Solace is the sole surving child of the Solace family as his sister died from offing herself and his identical twin brother, Andrew(this is important later) was murdered by a bunch of the guys from his school when they were 19 because Andrew was gay. And thus leaving Grandpa Solace the sole inheriter of the Solace family riches.

When gran and gramps got married and had kids they decided to raise all there kids to be accepting and kind toward all people regardless of their skill color sexuality and gender and be open and welcome to lgbtq+ people because Grandpa Solace saw how all the homophobia from his parents and the community had a negative affect on his twin brother and he didn't want his kids to live in pain and suffer the way his brother suffered.

Nine kids later and they have taught all there children to be accepting loving kind people, even though they had lived in Texas for basically ever.

Child 1- boy, born a year after his parents got married, never marries however he is a 'player' and has live five daughters all from different mothers the oldest being 23 during toa and the youngest 5. He is a history professor at Harvard University.

Child 2- a housewife with 3 kids however she is a lawyer but decided when her kids were born to be a stay-at-home-mom but she still works part time as a lawyer on the side. Married a man who would be your typical himbo dad

Child 3- gynecologist who specializes in helping transgender youth, she is the first practicing female gynecologist in America. Has 2 kids, a lesbian and lives with her girlfriend as gay marriage is not legal as yet.

Child 4- Anna Solace, transwoman, ace/aro, she was explained above.

Child 5- Naomi Solace, country singer, one kid, married- will be explained later in more detail.

Child 6- architect, married, 4 kids (a man)

Child 7- boy, dentist, lives with girlfriend one kid.

Child 8- studying to be a brain surgeon, unmarried, no kids, nonbinary

Child 9- Jonathan Solace, born in 1991, boy, he is gay, just started his first year of collage during toa, gas a boyfriend , no kids.

January 1995, Naomi finds out she is pregnant, goes all out and plans everything she is going to teach her child when they are born by making binders of everything from cooking and baking to how to drive to cleaning etc. Incase she dies when her child is young, they will be prepared for anything.

When she is five months pregnant, she met's this guy who is a British actor and like a cross between Chris Hemsworth, Ryan renalds, and just basically the perfect, most polite handsome man, manly because he is pansexual, and falls in love at first site when he met's her at an awards show and they become friends.(p.s. his name is Jeremy)

2 months after they met, and Naomi is 7 months pregnant, he asks her out on a date, and they later get married when Will is three.

When her pregnancy is announced to the fans,it's kinda implied that Jeremy is Wills father, and while he knows he is not, his name is on Wills birth Certificate and he was there when he was born, he treats Will as if he is his own child and he loves Will.

So august/september 1995, Naomi had a girl who she named AuroraSolace, but she did raise her child to know what transgender and nonbinary is so if her child wanted to be referred to by another name or different pronouns they knew it was okay.

So when aurora was 4 years old, she told her mom that she wants to be referred to as a boy and called another name Naomi and their whole family were supportive and welcoming about it, and he was thus named William Andrew Solace, after Naomis favorite poet William wordsworth and his grandfather's twin brother Andrew, as he was the first grandson of the family. ( I'm sorry if this doesn't really make sense, i hope you understand what I was trying to say,about this whole Will being trans, I didn't mean to offend anyone, or say something that was offensive as I am cisgender and do not actually know what it is like ,sorry)

So Will is transgender, and gay (I know another of people headcanon hom to be bi but I've seen so many relashinships where one was gay and the other was bi(and there's nothing wrong with that I myself am bi) but I've just seen too much of it that I just want two gay boys)

End of part 1 I'll finish part two later because I'm tired and I have a headache and it's like nearly 1 in the morning.

#will solace #william andrew solace #nico di angelo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #percy pjo #pjo #trials of apollo #solangelo #naomi solace #trans will solace #headcanon #heros of olympus #apollo #gay will solace #will Solaces backstory

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puckmeupfam · 4 years

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Emotion | Andre Burakovsky

Word Count: 3064 Note: I’m a sucker for soulmate AUs and this has been in my head for awhile. Excuse any spelling/grammar errors because I barely edited it. Sorry I couldn’t find a way to include Burky getting into a random car thinking it was his Uber or Backy calling him his “baby boy.”

Growing up, no matter how confusing everything else seemed to be, you knew one thing for certain: everyone had a soulmate. You could purposefully communicate with your soulmate no matter how far away they were and any especially strong emotions were shared whether you wanted them to be or not. There were some rules that had always seemed rather nitpicky to you. You couldn’t communicate where in the world you were, or your full name, or anything too identifiable. But other than that, the whole thing always seemed amazing to you - there was someone out there who you would know better than you knew yourself, someone meant for you.

There was one major problem in your personal circumstance. Your soulmate was much, much further away than you would like. As early as pre-school you remembered getting feelings of your soulmate’s emotions before dawn. Excitedness at breakfast. Boredom while you brushing your teeth in the morning. Sometimes you would even be woken up as early as three in the morning with exuberance and for hours you would be too jittery to get back to sleep.

Around the time you started school ou had begun receiving messages from him. You were forced to the conclusion at just six-years-old that your soulmate was a complete idiot. The messages he was sending you were in utter gibberish. Your first real encounter with your soulmate consisted of him waking you up early with his words that made no sense. It was annoying and you had to go to school tired. In the car, there was more and you sighed. But by the time of your spelling test, you had had enough. You were trying to focus and there was a voice in your head interrupting your thoughts. No one had ever officially taught you how to send communications but you couldn’t sit back and let him bother you any longer. You closed your eyes tightly and focused as hard as you could.

“Could you please shut up!” Yes, you had been taught not to say things like that to anyone let alone your soulmate but drastic times called for drastic measures. Luckily for you, your soulmate finally stopped talking. You did feel a wave of… something, but while it was odd and made you feel slightly shaken it was now time for recess, and all of your soulmate problems were soon forgotten as you ran for the swingset.

Later, as you grew up and learned how to articulate the millions of emotions that encapsulated your life, you would be able to classify that feeling better. Apprehension.

The next day was a Saturday and the weather was nice enough that you got to color outside. You sat criss-cross applesauce on the grass even though it made you a bit itchy. As you were deciding which shade of pink to use you felt a tumbling in your belly that you usually associated with the first day of school or singing a song at camp all by yourself. Nerves.

That’s when it came through. The stuttered, “hi.” The word didn’t sound like you had ever heard it before. Not clear like your teacher or confident like the boy who sat across from you in class. But whether or not it sounded like he was eating saltwater taffy, this was an improvement to you. So you squared your shoulders and sent back a hi of your own. Unlike the first time, the feeling that washed over you felt good. This time it felt… cheery. The feeling egged you on so you sent another message.

“My name is (Y/N).”

His response came, still not clear but slightly less timid, “‘m Andre.”

—

Over the years your Andre had become more and more fluent in English. After you’d grown up a bit you had asked him enough roundabout questions and done enough research that you had determined that what he was speaking was not gibberish but rather Swedish. While the difference between the two wasn’t that big to eight-year-old-you, it was still an improvement.

It was when each student in your class had to do a report on a country of their choice that you had to come to terms with the logistics. When the teacher announced the project you had been quick to raise your hand and request Sweden. But when you sat down to do the research you discovered the startling fact that you were about five thousand miles away from the country. For Andre, it was around dinner time when he must have felt your thunderstorm of emotions. Disappointment. Frustration.

“What is wrong?”

You sighed and replied sadly, “you’re far away.” His response was slow and when it came back it was just a solemn, “very far.” For a minute you just sat and stared at the wall. Before Sweden had seemed like this fun, magical place where your soulmate would live until the day you were both ready for him to appear on your doorstep. It wasn’t until this random Monday that it occurred to you that it might not be that easy. That you were separated by oceans not streets. That you may very well never be able to find him.

That’s when his words came, “It is very far. But we are soulmates and I will come to you.” He sounded more certain in those big plans than he ever was before and you genuinely felt like if anyone could make something like that happen it would be Andre.

You tried your best to transmit all of those feelings and hopes to him and thousands of miles away, on a completely different continent you knew he would sense it. Reassurance.

When you were in your teenage years it was a definite fact that Andre was your best friend. He had always been your soulmate and you’d always had a certain affection towards him with his goofy jokes and dumb ideas. But over time he had become your confidant and he had become yours. You’d become decently proficient at Swedish- enough that he could complain to you about his parents or his totally unfair and definitely rigged penalty. It had also become your party trick at school to teach everyone the Swedish swear words that you had learned from Andre.

You knew that he played hockey and that it dominated his time and his thoughts. You’d felt waves of excitement, disappointment, and pure adrenaline throughout his games. But it was in 2013 that, together, the two of you came to terms with the fact that he was going to be drafted. While you were so proud that he was going to be living out his dream, another part of you was full of nervous excitement because not only would he be playing professionally… he would be playing professionally in North America.

In the weeks leading up to the draft, there seemed to be a constant flurry of nervousness coming through your connection. You did your best to take deep breaths to send back as much calm energy as you could muster. There were times when you knew he was sitting awake. Trepidation.

“It’s going to be fine, ‘Dre,” you would tell him, “you’ll go where you’re supposed to be.”

“But what if no one takes me,” you would hear in his nervous whisper.

“From everything you’ve told me about yourself you’re really good so unless you’ve been lying to your dear and beloved soulmate, someone will pick you,” you were trying to come off as cheeky, trying to make him smile even if you couldn’t see it for yourself. His anxiety was starting to diminish but your own mind was filling up with something else… something that you spurred you on to say more. To make him understand.

“Andre. At the end of the day, if all else fails, just know that I will always pick you.”

Both of you were swimming in emotions. There was a crushing weight of something in your chest that almost brought tears to your eyes. The feelings were all new and unfamiliar and it made you feel too overwhelmed to try and categorize. So you chose one of the simpler ones. Bliss.

The day of the draft you had practically glued yourself to the TV. You swore you could feel Andre’s nausea. As it was all gearing up you made sure to tell him how proud of him you were no matter what happened. You sat through most of the first round chewing your lip before the twenty-third pick came up and with absolutely no preamble you heard it.

“Washington takes Andre Burakovsky.”

The camera panned to the player and his family. Your jaw dropped as you practically drowned. Disbelief. Glee. Euphoria.

You knew but asked anyway, “is that you?” You swore you saw him laugh before he said “yeah.” The voice in your head was full of happiness and tears sprung your eyes as you laughed. Anyone watching would think you were deranged but there he was. Still not with you, though you chose not to dwell on that, but he was real. And you had to say it, “you’re so hot.” Through the screen, he shook his head jovially while the wide smile seemed unable to leave his face. As the Canucks took the stage for their pick you were still stunned. Andre was chattering to you happily but you couldn’t quite focus. “It’s you,” you were interrupting his rambles and he paused. While you had already established that the Andre on the TV screen was your Andre, he knew what you meant.

“It is me… and it’s always been you.”

—

During his time on the Otters you let him focus on hockey while simultaneously teetering on the edge of Something. He was on the verge of making it and you didn’t want to complicate that, but you were both acutely aware of each other. For as long as you could remember Andre was yours and him being in the NHL didn’t change that. Over time you’d gone from kids who could barely conceptualize that the voice in their head was a real person to teenagers who were friends and now you were adults who were a bit more. You were falling for your soulmate.

On the night of his debut with the Caps, you were bubbling over with delight. You were sitting on the floor in front of the same TV that you watched him get drafted on. The camera followed him as he did his first lap on NHL ice and like the first time your mind went blank except for Andre. You were enraptured watching him during the anthem and when the game started your eyes didn’t follow the puck, instead they stayed trained on number sixty-five.

Suddenly there was a turnover by the Canadiens and there was Andre with a one-timer and you actually screamed as you watched your soulmate score his first goal just six minutes and forty-three seconds into his NHL debut. As he jumped the boards you did your best to focus enough to send him a clear message. He was tackled by his team so you weren’t even sure if he got it until he emerged to high five everyone on the bench. That’s when you heard him. Short and tooth-rottenly sweet.

“For you.”

Pride.

—

Not every day was as rejoiceful as that one. His upper-body injury during their 2018 Cup run hit him hard. He had missed time due to injuries over the last two seasons and he had been hoping to prove himself. Healing during the playoffs gave him far too much time to overthink. Every time he told you about a pass that missed or a shot that was saved you did your best to talk him down and convince him to focus on healing. The trouble came when he was finally back in the lineup but seemed to psych himself out of every scoring chance. You watched as he went back to the bench after barely five minutes of ice time. Anger. Desperation. Normally you avoided communicating with him during games but you could tell he needed more than even Nicke or Tom could give him.

“Andre, don’t beat yourself up. Just focus on the team.”

“You’d pick me?”

“I will always pick you.”

Later that night, even though Andre hadn’t scored, the game was one to remember forever. Your jaw hung open as you listened to John Walton cheer, “The demons have been exorcised! Good morning! Good afternoon! And good night Pittsburgh! We’re going to Tampa Bay! The Capitals have done it!”

Shock. Thrill.

When Washington won the Cup final against Vegas you were overpowered by Andre’s triumph and ecstasy. You couldn’t even tell where his excitement ended and yours started. While he spent the rest of the summer drunk on happiness and an unbelievable amount of alcohol you found yourself oddly jealous. The two of you had never really discussed a plan for meeting. But now you were selfishly upset that he had gone through this momentous life event without you. That he had gone so much of his life without you by his side. You told yourself it was because you didn’t want to distract him. You told yourself it was because you had to make your education a priority. But Andre was out there.

When the season started again with the team affected by their Cup hangover, you could feel Andre’s stress. And though you were wallowing in your own cowardice, you pushed it aside to support him and let him focus on hockey. You did your best to congratulate him on every goal and reassure him about every loss. Even though the team was doing well, even clinching their division title, it was a tough time for your soulmate. He only had twenty-five points through seventy-six games. While you were so proud of him and content with the progress he was making with his sports psychologist, you could feel how heavily it weighed on him. Everyone was telling him that he was supposed to be on the first line besides Ovi. Andre was invaluable on the rush but the constant pressure seemed to do nothing but push him further and further away.

It wasn’t until July that everything changed. You were calmly stirring honey into your tea when it hit you right in the chest. Dread. It felt like the air had been knocked out of your lungs. Something was clearly very, very wrong. Worry settled in your stomach and you took a moment to steady yourself before reaching out.

“Are you okay?”

“I got traded.”

You felt vaguely hollow. Another major life event that you weren’t there for. And this time it wasn’t jealousy that you felt but sadness. He needed you and you weren’t with him.

“I’m terrible. The Capitals dumped me because they knew I wasn’t good enough.”

“Andre, could you please shut up,” you said, quoting the first time you ever spoke to him, “you’re fucking amazing, I know it, and maybe now you’ll finally get the chance to show everyone else.”

His grief dispelled a bit and he replied, “I miss you.” Your eyes stung as you tried to contain your emotions so he didn’t feel the need to worry about you.

“You can’t miss me, you don’t even know me.”

“I do know you, though.”

Heartache.

You composed yourself enough to ask him where and when his voice replied Colorado it felt like the decision was made for you.

—

As soon as the Burakovsky number ninety-five jersey appeared for sale you bought it. When the dates for the pre-season came out you sprung to buy a ticket out to Denver. The travel website asked you when you would like your return flight to be and without even thinking you clicked one-way.

Your knee shook as you sat on the plane, waiting for takeoff. The cabin was tight and full of chatter but you were too busy imagining what it would be like when you finally met your soulmate to care. Eagerness.

“Everything good with you?” Andre asked. He could feel your nervous energy, but you wanted to keep the surprise.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just excited about your first game as an Avalanche,” it wasn’t untrue and you hoped he wouldn’t press for more.

“When I score it’ll be for you,” he replied. It mirrored his first-ever goal and you laughed lightly, “I have a really, really good feeling.” Giddiness.

You dressed in his jersey and spent longer than usual on your hair wanting everything to be perfect. Standing outside of Pepsi Center hours before the game you took a deep steadying breath as you thought about how your life was about to change. Your soulmate was somewhere in that building and holy fuck this was really happening.

“I’m here,” you told Andre after you had willed yourself inside. Despite your best efforts, your voice shook on the words.

“What,” his shocked reply was immediate, “no… where?” You looked up and communicated all of the signs you could see, just hoping that he had learned enough of the building to know where you were. Within minutes you heard the sound of someone running. The door flung open and there was your Andre. Amazement.

For a minute the two of you just stared at each other. He was dressed in a crisp game-day suit with his usual swoopy, messy hair and he looked so tall in person. You took one step towards him and that seemed to wake him up enough to hurriedly get over to you. Right before he actually reached you, with just a few inches distance between your bodies he stopped again. Looking up at his astonished brown eyes that were so clear even in the harsh fluorescent lighting you saw everything going through his head. It felt different than when you felt his emotions through your connection because there he was right in front of you.

“Hi,” you whispered. Andre smiled and if you weren’t absolutely gone for him before you definitely were then. “Hi,” he murmured back.

Joy.

You reached out and tangled your fingers with his. They were warm and calloused from years of hockey. Andre tightened his grip on your hand and squeezed your hand as if to check if it was really there.

“It’s you.”

“It’s me… and it’s always been you.”

Love.

#andre burakovsky #andre burakovsky imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #Colorado Avalanche #hockey imagine #Hockey Fanfiction #nhl fic #colorado avalanche imagine #i am a washington capitals fan first and a human second #emotion fic #a.burakovsky

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cambionverse · 3 years

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envesseled (1 of 3): poker

HELLO >:)

so. as you may have noticed, the last time we posted anything about envesseled (the claire-centric, claire-pov fic intended to follow jesse's fic cambion and ben's fic only human) was in 2013. did we forget about it? did we cancel it? is the verse abandoned? no, no, and no. we had a lot of stuff to rewrite to get the verse in the right place for envesseled, and then we got busy, and THEN there was a pandemic. but it was never very far from our minds, and now it is FINALLY time for this to be the next thing we post.

most of the fans of this verse have been with us for a very long time. for being so patient, and so supportive, we decided to post not one, not two, but THREE scenes from the in-progress envesseled, for everyone to enjoy, but especially for the people who were readers when we posted the last one (again, in 2013, eight entire years ago). we aren't committing to a posting date yet, but we are ALL much closer to the end of this wait than the beginning.

this particular scene is only mildly spoilery and doesn't have any major content warnings to watch out for, aside from a mention of the ticking clock on claire's grace. it also introduces the minor character patrick, from spn episode 5.07, who has been on our cast page for some time; finally you can get some idea of what (small yet important) role he might play in this story. there are two more previews after this before the night is over - we hope you enjoy them.

---

Lucky for Claire, there's already a poker game in progress when she pushes the door of the pub open in a swirl of cold air. The man who wins the next hand looks younger than the others by far, though there's something about him that Claire can't quite place. He catches her eye across the bar and smiles around a toothpick as his compatriots grumble and wander away with their meager winnings.

"Room for one more?" says Claire, laying the sweetness on thick and her money on the table.

He waves a hand at the now-empty chairs. "I'm Patrick."

Surely he's faking that Irish accent; it's even more ridiculous than Jesse's Australia-Nebraska hybrid. And with the name Patrick, no less. "Amelia," Claire says, and pretends the accompanying flare of pain is only because she told a lie.

"Amelia," says Patrick, with an odd emphasis on the last two syllables. "You remind me of someone I once knew." He hands her a stack of poker chips and begins dealing out cards.

Claire leans forward so her braid falls over her shoulder and says, "How did you end up here, Patrick?"

He doesn't take the opportunity to look down her shirt, which is all the more irritating because she had half-hoped he wouldn't. "Luck," he says, snapping the k. He glances at his cards. "It's often on my side."

Lie. Claire doesn't often get such strong feedback from general statements like that, but this one burns. She ups her bet by more than she otherwise would have, careful to keep her voice neutral. "That must come in handy."

"Well, that is what we Irish are known for." He flips another chip onto the pile. "Ignoring the whole bit about the famines, of course. Pots of gold don't make very good eating."

Claire cracks a smile completely involuntarily, and brings a hand up much too late to hide it. Patrick quirks one eyebrow. His eyes stay on Claire's face for a long time, though, as his expression slides into something sadder.

She wouldn't, usually, but Claire asks, "Who was it?"

Patrick blinks, and the smirk is back in place like it never left. "Who was who, darling?"

"You said I reminded you of someone."

"She was a dancer." Patrick takes a chip from his considerable pile and spins it between two fingers. "Held herself like you do, especially when she was angry. Like if she didn't hold herself tight she'd float right up in the air."

Claire's muscles go even tenser when he says that, because he's not supposed to notice. "Raise," she says, dropping the chips in the pile.

Patrick exhales. "She wasn't much of a poker player." He puts his cards down, and slides them back into the deck before she can see them. "I fold."

Claire scoops the pile of chips toward her, stacking them carefully by value. Patrick's first bet this round was high, the highest he's played all game; why did he drop the bluff so fast? With this, plus the little extra hidden in her backpack, and if she's willing to eat vending machine food for breakfast—

The door opens, and a low hum starts up in the back of Claire's head. She knows who it is before Ben ever reaches the table.

"Claire!"

Patrick's eyes narrow the slightest margin. "Claire, is it?"

Fuck, and now she's been made, and he probably won't pay out and she'll have to sleep in a fucking snowbank because Ben Braeden can't keep his mouth shut. She opens her mouth the bare minimum required to say, "Leave."

She hears him settle harder on his feet but continues to stare at her cards. Patrick folded. She doesn't even have one pair.

"I know you don't forgive me yet," Ben says, and Claire breathes out hard. "But there's something Jesse and I need to—"

"I said leave, Ben," and she's turning to glare at him even though she wanted to play this cool. His cheeks are glowing red from being out in the cold, and a little behind him, far enough back to have a clear path to the door, Jesse's watching her too. When he sees Claire looking, his eyes drop to the floor.

"No, you don't get it," Ben begins, but Patrick interrupts.

"Is there a problem here?"

Ben seems to realize there are other people around, and he slides on his most affable grin. Claire can see how it's going to go, Ben charming everyone in a ten-foot radius, what a nice guy he is. Well, not if she gets there first.

"Yeah, there is," she says, savoring the lack of pain because it's true. "This asshole has been bothering me all night. I came here to get away from him."

"Oh, come on," says Ben, already rolling his eyes, but Claire said it loud enough that quite a few people heard her and some of them are starting to mutter. He notices, and ducks closer to her. "Look, Claire, can we just go?"

Patrick stands up. "I believe the lady asked you to leave."

Ben gives him a once-over. "Who are you?"

"Oh, I don't think you want to know the answer to that," says Patrick. His smile is not kind. "I suggest you be on your way."

Claire's not surprised to see Ben's jaw set at that. "Dude, this is so not your business," he says. "I know her, okay? We've been friends for years. I just want to talk to her."

Patrick bites a toothpick idly. "Think she can decide for herself who she wants to talk to."

Ben looks like he might be feeling stupid enough to throw a punch, but then Jesse is there at his side, one hand finding its way to the back of Ben's neck. Ben calms down instantly with Jesse touching him and Claire has been so, so painfully oblivious to never see this for what it was.

When Patrick notices Jesse his arms drop, and suddenly the air feels weird. "And who's your friend?"

"I'm nobody," says Jesse, though Claire would bet her pile of hypothetical money that his other hand is on the knife at his belt. "Just don't want to see this get out of hand."

Patrick looks at all three of them like links in a chain. "And did you not hear the lady's request, nobody?"

"Maybe you should stop talking for her, how 'bout," Ben retorts.

Claire appreciates the help, she supposes, but really what she wants is to be done with the displays of aggression and for everyone to leave her alone. "Go away, Ben," she says, and it comes out tired even to her own ears. He slumps a little deeper into Jesse's grip, and that's exactly the problem.

"Claire—"

"We're going," says Jesse, finally looking away from Patrick to catch Claire's eye again. He lowers his voice. "We'll be waiting outside."

"You'll be waiting a long time," Claire says, one parting shot for them to remember her by. "I do hope you two can find some way to occupy yourselves."

They both flinch, and Claire turns back to the table with bitter satisfaction in the back of her throat.

Patrick settles back into his seat, eyes still on the door. "You do have interesting friends."

"They're not my friends," says Claire. The lie burns like whiskey.

Patrick raises an eyebrow at her. "No? Then what are they?"

"We were playing," Claire says pointedly. When he doesn't move, she grabs the deck and starts to shuffle herself.

"I am playing," Patrick retorts. If he starts to go on about how you don't play the cards, you play the person, she might have to hit him herself. Instead he leans back and chews on his toothpick. "Let me see if I got it straight. You and Ben, you've been friends for a long time."

Claire places her bet, refusing to acknowledge that he's still talking. There's nothing impressive about repeating back what Ben let slip.

"And you're not one to make friends easily, are you, Amelia." She does look up at that, and Patrick, smirking, corrects himself. "Claire."

She deals the next card.

"So maybe you thought Ben was something special. But you didn't trust yourself with him. So you told him to wait."

"Raise," Claire says, and she doesn't even have that good a hand but she wants to clean him out. He won't stop fucking smiling.

"Some people would wait, you know," says Patrick. "Some people would wait a very long time."

Some while back Ben had told her, There is nobody else. Well. I'm nobody, Jesse said. Claire turns out her hand. "Triple sixes."

Patrick sighs. "You're letting me get to you, love. Can't play a good game if your mind's out that door." He tosses his cards onto the table in front of her. "Full house, and I'm guessing you could've used this cash. Quit while you've got any left." He drags the chips out of her reach.

Claire picks up his cards and the rest of the deck. "We're not done playing."

"All that ice isn't going to keep you safe forever." Patrick leans back. "Deal."

And because Claire is tired, and lost, and vindictive, she lets the cards slide through her hands with that special twist Ben taught her.

Patrick nudges a considerable pile of chips into the middle of the table. "Some free advice for you, love," he says, eyes dark. "Your life's too short to pretend you want nothing and no one to come near your heart."

Her grace flares up even before she can shape the words I don't. He doesn't know how right he is—Claire's life is looking very short indeed, these days, and nothing Ben or Jesse can do will put a stop to the invasive light eroding her body from the inside out. Her heart's probably toxic by now anyway.

Claire takes a deep breath and shows her cards, spades all in a row just like she planned. "Straight flush."

Patrick tosses his hand onto the table. "Four aces."

"What?" But there they are, even though Claire could've sworn she cut the ace of diamonds into the middle of the deck and buried the ace of hearts even further down. She locks her teeth as soon as the word escapes, but it's too late; his cold smile tells her he knows what she did.

"I don't like cheaters," says Patrick. He places a polished wooden box on the table and begins gathering the chips back into it, along with any chance she had of getting a hotel room tonight. "And you, of all people, ought to value honesty. Better luck next time, Amelia."

Claire clenches her jaw. She stands to leave—then Patrick catches her hand.

"I'm not doing this for you," he murmurs, and she feels the papery crinkle of fresh bills on her palm. She grips the money instinctively even as she draws back, other hand curling into a fist. No one at all is watching them. But Patrick just looks at her, an unsettling depth to his gaze. "You should tell him how you feel," he says, and releases her.

Claire pockets the money and bolts before he can change his mind.

#cambionverse #envesseled #claire novak #10th cambiversary #rough drafts #writing #ours #lmao this scene is classic spn winchester hustle #but with claire it's like. gatekeep girlboss get the fuck out of my face #also the fact that she uses her mother's name as an alias: hurts me #claire novak my beloved

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inspector-montoya-fox · 4 years

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here’s why Thieves in Time is a bad game

before y’all try it, i just want to say that i’ll be as unapologetically petty and sarcastic as i want and fucking rip this game to shreds. yes, this is how i’ve spent my days since Thieves in Time came out. sitting alone in my room, staring at the wall, crying and complaining. because it has since been my life’s aim and dream to think about it every day, state the negative things about it, and become an evil essay witch on this half-dead website. *evil laugh*

Story:

References: i want to start with the smallest problem, but one that annoys me to this day. in the original trilogy, there weren’t a lot of references but the ones that were included were meticulously researched and well thought-out (i’m specifically referring to that Neil Diamond Carmelita vinyl gag, but can’t find the original post). the references in Thieves in Time however, were obviously just the creators’ interests. Turning Japanese, Clan of the Cave Bear and Bentley’s “hacksona” presented as Rambo just scream 1980s (which i’m assuming is the decade the creators grew up in), and Of Mice and Men is classic literature about the Great Depression, which subsequently started being taught in school in the US during the 1980s. it feels like the creators just went ‘let’s discuss what our lives had in common during our teen years and put that in’ instead of researching it first. and, here’s the thing: when you’re adding references, in order to make them funny or interesting, they have to fit in with the property or the character that’s connected to them in some way. Don Octavio was an opera aficionado so his episode’s title card pays homage to the Phantom of the Opera, young Muggshot was influenced by the movie “The Dogfather” because he’s a gangster, etc. these were funny because they were so spot-on with these characters. if every character in the Sly Cooper universe references the same type of stuff (from the 1980s) and shares the same interests, it’s just claustrophobic and uninteresting. i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one who had to look up these ultra-hetero, scrotum references when the game came out. that’s because they were specifically tailored to be funny to them, and not their target demographic which were kids in 2013.

Narrative: now that we got that out of the way, let’s look at the narrative. at the end of Sly 3, Bentley says he’s building a time machine. Sanzaru took that joke and decided to run with it as the premise for their game. ok, not the best idea, but i get it - you’re literally picking up where the last game left off. since all the storylines were wrapped up, they could’ve done something different like Sly’s kids or Bentley and Murray’s families, but this isn’t an essay about suggestions so...... time travel (i want to say that it’s, again, an 80s reference but whatever) was pretty ‘out there’ in 2013. i mean, even Plants vs Zombies 2, which was released that year, had to do with time travel (yes, i’m referencing an app). but Sanzaru had the advantage of applying this premise onto already established mythos and lore. the story had definite potential: someone is threatening Sly’s lineage so he has to travel back in time to save the day. the player would get to explore new locations and iconic eras in history, and, of course, the main selling point: playable ancestors. how could you screw that up? welp.... let’s think about the plot holes here for a sec. Bentley’s device would take the gang back in time when given an item from the specific era. stop. this right here is called ‘over-complicating’. how did they know the items would take them directly to the point where the specific ancestor was in danger? the Feudal Japan period lasted for 700 years: how did the machine know when and where to drop them off? and if the gang could return to the present at any time, why didn’t they do so when they were in trouble? oh right, the machine was broken. so how did they return the baddies to the present after they defeated them? i mean, why did they use the Grizz’s crown to travel to Medieval England if they went back to the present to drop him off to Interpol first? and on that note, how did they drop the baddies off to jail without getting caught and without Carmelita being around? i can already hear you thinking but these are total details that aren’t important, you jerk! well, yea, they truly are details and i truly am overthinking it. and yes, i truly am a jerk. but let me tell you something: when Sanzaru chose to make a new Sly game, did they not think ‘oh we’ll have to follow up Sly 2 and Sly 3′s stories’ which were well thought-out narratives with depth and various themes and didn’t have huge plot holes (as seen by my analysis through the episode project) ???? and did they also not think that their game would come out eight years after the last one, having expectations at an all-time high???? yea, that’s what i thought.

Characters: i’ll make a different section for Sucker Punch’s characters, so this is for Sanzaru’s original ones. name one iconic original character from Thieves in Time. i’ll wait... nope. not one. that’s because all of them were absolute shit. and here’s where i want to touch upon Sanzaru’s over-reliance on the trilogy. Ms Decibel (perhaps the most obvious copy) is a mix between Don Octavio, Miz Ruby, and the Contessa. El Jefe is Rajan if he went to the gym. Toothpick has Sir Raleigh’s temper and tendency to grow in size. and the Grizz is... whatever the fuck he is. (don’t worry i didn’t forget Le Paradox and Bob). there’s a difference between studying & creating similar characters and blatantly plagiarizing older characters because you lack the creativity. oh, boo-hoo this evil jerk’s telling it how it is. this set of villains is so lacklustre, i don’t even know where to begin. El Jefe is a tiger, even though we’ve already had two major tiger villains and one tiger flashlight guard. ok. Rajan could summon lightning because of the Clockwerk heart but El Jefe can do the same, how exactly? Toothpick is an armadillo (good) from Russia (better) with an obsession with the West (excellent) who can also grow huge (very bad). it’s never explained how or why. why?????? just tell me why. i want to know. i really want to know. Ms Decibel is an elephant who got into a tragic accident which left her with the power of hypnosis. music and hypnosis have already been done, but ok, i’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. so how do we use this character? spend the entirety of her screen time making jokes about... wait for it... her weight !!! this is top-notch comedy... really? like... really? the creators’ humor is a crime, at best. fart jokes and fat jokes all around. oh, and then there’s the Grizz. what the fuck where they thinking? just, what the fuck. i guess the guys at Sanzaru thought black people speak in rap? is that it? apart from it being extremely offensive, it’s also a blatant copy of Dimitri’s backstory. like, his introductory cutscene even has his paintings thrown at him and into the trash, like the intro cutscene for The Black Chateau. honestly, all of these villains caused me several types of pain, but not as much as...

Bob & Le Paradox: the absolute worst. i can just imagine the meeting going something like this: Sly’s ancestors are awesome! i wish we could fit them all in the game... here’s an amazing idea! what if we use one of the game’s few levels to introduce a brand new ancestor! yea! let’s make him dumb as fuck, strip him of any athletic prowess, and retcon the entire lineage by having him be the first Cooper ever! the kids will love a prehistoric level! ..... could you kindly point out where and when did ANYONE ask for this? i remember @ironicsnap saying something like the game is good until Bob. no, it was already bad - Bob just lowered the standard. like, a lot. people love Murray and his gameplay is neat, but no one ever thought ‘oh i wish we had a Cooper character with Murray’s game style’. why would they waste the opportunity to bring in Henriette, Thaddeus, Otto, literally any ancestor? why??? but they went ahead and created their own Cooper, and that wasn’t even the end of it. they had to make him dumb. they had to make him unbearable. they had to ruin the Cooper ancestry by adding this mess to the lineage. Sucker Punch made sure that all the ancestors were unique, but at the same time made all of them suave and funny and slick and you wish you could be them! well, fuck that. also, his name is Bob. Bob Cooper. it’s been 7 fucking years and i still can’t wrap my head around it.... so now, let’s talk about Le Paradox. i don’t have to mention the previous main villains, but i will. Clockwerk killed Sly’s ancestors and father, and was seemingly an eternal threat. Neyla was a psychopath who fooled everyone on her journey to becoming immortal by resurrecting Clockwerk. Dr M opened up the possibility for Sly’s dad to be a jerk instead of a hero, and died trying to unlock the Coopers’ legacy. how does Le Paradox compare? well, he’s a sleazebag skunk who was mad because of his dad’s downfall to the Coopers. that’s it. no twist, no depth, no clever dialogue. nothing. there’s nothing there. this is a new character, unfamiliar to everyone, who was hyped up for 5 levels and defeated in the conclusion. why was he a match for Sly? i don’t know. how did he fight for his life and ultimately tricked Sly into helping him? i don’t know. how the hell did he kidnap Carmelita? i don’t know. was it the power of persuasion? no, he’s revolting. so i literally don’t know. there’s no backstory, no fleshing-out the character, nothing. all we’re given to work with is a brief info-dump about his dad and how he escaped prison. i don’t know what else to say apart from how big a humiliation this was for Sanzaru and their team of writers. you had 8 years to work on something and this is what you came up with? anything would be better. anything would best this utter cliché of a villain, a distasteful misogynist, crybaby, idiot with an accent. literally anything.

Arcs & Themes: let’s take a look at the formulaic subplots for the gang’s members. apart from dealing with Le Paradox, everyone had a small arc. Sly had to deal with his break-up with Carmelita. Bentley had to deal with his break-up with Penelope. Murray had to deal with playing second fiddle to Bob. Carmelita was a damsel in distress and sex bait for the ancestors. the ancestors had their own mini storylines along with reacting to Sly’s presence. there you have it. i summarised it all for you, nice and neatly. are there any themes like in the previous games? nope. i promise you i’m not lying when i say that i tried hard to come up with something, even some speck of a detail i could use to over-analyse the story and come up with some ideas on themes. nothing. there are no themes. the subplots are character-driven and the player gives it 0 emotional investment. there is nothing to analyse, nothing to talk about. maybe even a theme for each level, like a spooky level or something? nope. the levels are dependent on eras and historical periods. the variation here is ok. Feudal Japan, Wild West, Prehistoric Australia, Medieval England and Ancient Arabia - pretty good selection. i’ll give them credit for it. but that’s it. due to the absence of themes, the hubs feel empty. there’s no replayability factor. after you collect the bottles and masks and treasures, there’s nothing. i would spend hours revisiting the trilogy’s hubs, just roaming around. the hubs here are huge and empty. there’s nothing to reminisce about. nothing to recall. oh that’s where this mission went down. no, nothing like that. the aforementioned subplots are resolved during mission cutscenes and then they’re gone. you don’t have to explore spooky Prague alone as Bentley to have him overcome his fears, you don’t have to find out miners abducted Murray’s beloved Guru and search the Australian outback for him, you don’t have to hold back your tears when you’ve reached the end of the Cooper Vault and Sly asks his dad for help. nothing.

Gameplay:

Controls: as soon as i laid my hands on the controller the first time i played the game, that fateful afternoon, i knew something was up. Sly would respond 1 second late after you pushed something on the controller. it felt clunky, is what i’m trying to say or, as my sister put it, it felt heavy. and she was right. the controls were clunky and heavy and didn’t feel light, like playing as a thief should feel. i don’t know shit about game mechanics but this definitely didn’t feel right. the hubs are also chunky in design, the cliffs are huge and so cyclical or hexagonal, that when you parachute your way to them and are just an inch close, Sly will automatically just drop because he can’t grab onto them. running as Sly doesn’t feel fast, silently obliterating guards from behind feels slow, and swinging, grabbing, pickpocketting, and hanging aren’t fun anymore. presentation-wise, @designraccoon goes into detail here, in an absolute gem of a post. in short, the gameplay animations make Sly look less sneaky. Sanzaru didn’t even consider a thief’s movements.

Missions: why the fuck would you remove the player’s option to choose between which mission to do first? why would you do that? the game lays out what goes first, sometimes having only one mission available in the hub. and the missions aren’t even enjoyable. firstly, the loading screens take up to 5 minutes, maybe even 7-8. secondly, there’s hacking every 2 missions. the missions don’t have any dialogue to make them fun, lack in interesting puzzles, what more can i say? they’re overly easy and lack any challenge whatsoever. at least there’s variation in gameplay (hacking, RC car, fishing, costumes, ancestors, turret etc.) but because of the controls, even these get tiresome. the missions are solely there to progress the story and that’s why the operations are merely ‘storm the main baddie’. the trilogy had some pretty interesting missions which made sure to complete jobs required to take down the big bad. e.g. kidnap General Clawfoot to take down the security, hack Contessa’s computer to make sure Carmelita will be freed, steal voices to tempt Neyla, and then take down the Contessa. the missions in Thieves in Time lack substance and variety. and the hacking (all three styles) sucks.

Collectibles: here’s another fantastic idea: have players collect costumes in order to collect bottles in order to collect treasures in order to collect masks in order to unlock funky Sanzaru logo-themed merch! what was the reason for the collectibles? in previous games, collecting all bottles would unlock special abilities. that was it. it’s the same thing here too, but there’s less incentive? i mean when you have to collect 1000 things, what’s the point? the treasures are random and very few are references to the trilogy, so whatever. and the masks unlock... superhero costumes for what reason exactly? oh, and then there’s also the achievements for your Playstation account, like ‘open the map in every single location you visit’. what fun! if the reason for collecting the treasures is to play godawful hacking minigames in order to get masks, what’s the point? decorate your paraglider with the Sanzaru logo? or have Bentley dress up as discount Robocop? i mean including masks in the interior locations was cool, but the bottles were always supposed to be something you could do whenever your soul desired. sometimes i left them last before the operation, sometimes i collected them before the first mission. so i was pissed when i found out that, in some cases, you had to unlock the episode’s costume in order to get the all the bottles. so, fuck off.

Animation: i’ll keep this short. the animation was terrible. do you remember that tumblr blog from a while back, where she dedicated the posts to pointing out the mistakes in the animated cutscenes? yeah. point is, there were lots of them. the animation style was bad, the character design was ugly, the characters’ movements were unnatural. everything about it was shit. looking past the bad decision to drop the trilogy’s comicbook-style animated cutscenes, couldn’t they have hired someone better? someone with more experience? their concept art was awesome. couldn’t they hire that guy and have it be comicbook style if he wasn’t trained in animation?

Legacy:

The Players: let me ask a genuine question: who was this game made for? kids growing up in 2013? maybe so. because it feels like Sanzaru didn’t even consider the fans of the trilogy. actually, it felt like a huge fuck you. Sucker Punch made their trilogy for whoever. there were great stuff for kids, but adults would pick up and appreciate the references, the real-life setting (e.g. tobacco use, existence of nightclubs, spice instead of drugs, etc.). that’s why all three games are timeless classics. judging by Thieves in Time’s humor, the game wasn’t targeted for adults. so, it doesn’t make sense to use an already established property, beloved by its fans, to attract a new audience consisting of nine year-olds who’d laugh at Murray dressing up as a woman. if they really wanted to appeal to the fans of the original, why retcon everything? why change who the first Cooper was? when the gang’s stranded in Saudi Arabia, why have Sly say ‘i couldn't remember a time since we've teamed up that we felt so defeated’? the gang’s been in way deeper shit before. why the ‘Sly’s dad vs Le Paradox’s dad’ deus ex machina? Sly’s dad wasn’t famous because of stealing the world’s largest diamond, what the fuck are you even talking about? do the guys at Sanzaru have such big egos and bravado that they needed to change the original games’ lore? were they so preoccupied with leaving their signature on a property which was never their own? i don’t know who needs to read this, but i’m stating FACTS.

Characters: now let’s talk about Sanzaru’s treatment of the Cooper gang and the ancestors (female characters will get their own section). why would you change the characters like that? if it wasn’t for the voice acting, i’d say this is a completely different Cooper gang. there’s no wise-cracking band of best friends, going on heists and being proud of their brotherhood and bond. all that is replaced with the formulaic story arcs for each member. the trilogy’s cutscenes and dialogues made sure to establish how Sly, Bentley and Murray have lived together since they met at the orphanage, play videogames all day and order chinese food and pizza and whatever. through missions and their adventures, they face obstacles they have to overcome as a gang, and when Sly 3 came around, their friendship was put to the ultimate test when they almost disbanded. Thieves in Time was too lazy to add to this. Sanzaru thought ‘oh the trilogy showed how they’re best friends so we might as well have them focus on their own stories separately’ and if this is truly the case then i ask again: who was this game made for? because new fans would never know how tight the gang was just by playing Thieves in Time. there’s a lack of genuine friendship moments. like, what happened when Sly came back after faking his amnesia? that’s completely ignored. where’s the witty banter? the ‘wizard & sitting duck’ type of jokes? nothing of the sort. what we get is fart jokes and Murray wanting to dress up as a woman. on that note, what was that all about? ok, have him dress up as a geisha to get in. fine. have El Jefe slap his ass, have him perform in a painfully lengthy dance sequence, have him dress like that during the rest of the episode, and then have him be persistent about getting the belly-dancing gig? the hell? Murray was always kinda goofy but this just feels kinda homophobic? it feels dragged out and unfunny. and then there’s the ancestors. i said it once before and i’ll say it again, Sanzaru deprived me of a buff Arab daddy Salim Al Kupar and gave us that elderly shit instead. all jokes aside, the redesigns were uninteresting. why take away Tennessee Kid’s facial hair and give it to Galleth? i legitimately think all the ancestors were boring. i mean, their gameplay was cool, especially Tennessee Kid’s guns, but in terms of character, they were just some dudes. did they believe that Sly was their descendant from the future? maybe. did they care? nope. they all had the same storyline of dealing with Sly’s arrival, flirting with Carmelita and getting their canes stolen. that was it. the fans waited for so long to get even a glimpse of the ancestors in action, and Sanzaru downplayed all of them. they reduced them to useless idiots too occupied with women and food, incapable of getting their canes back from stupid Le Paradox. and they didn’t even stick to the lore. no ma’am. let’s make Rioichi the inventor of sushi !! because that makes total sense and would defo fit in with the character and the property! why. just, why. you were handed the lore !!! you were given all this rich backstory and you threw it all away to replace it with trash !!! complete trash.

Changes & Inconsistency: i want to briefly mention some changes that pissed me off. where’s the laser glide move? it was an important turning point at the end of Sly 3, so why did they get rid of it? Sly is a master thief who’s traveling back in time, so you’d think they’d actually make him a master thief. also, the changes in the binocucom and Bentley’s slideshows in order to modernise them. if Sucker Punch managed to place the mission starting points at locations where the binocucom would show the objective clearly, so could Sanzaru. instead, they chose to have it be a moving camera, floating around the hub. and Bentley’s slideshows were absolute classics, opportunities to include gags and have Bentley show off in his own way. you just had to change it into a tablet, didn’t you. omg you’re still looking at small details like these? yes sweetie, i consider the details because i think they shape the game more than anything. if i didn’t consider the details, then my opinion on the game would be incomplete. when i praise the trilogy i don’t only look at story and gameplay. because i’m unbiased like that. here, i’d also like the mention Dimitri. what a fucking waste. you either include him in the game or you don’t. but don’t give me some half-baked shit on how he’s working for the gang back in present day. Dimitri staying home, waiting on the gang to call him in order for him to give them details on the villains. how does that even slightly resemble anything about Dimitri’s character? they didn’t even include his voice, some greasy sweet Raccoonus Doodus dialogue.

Female Characters: you know it’s all been leading up to this. this is the crux of the Thieves in Time hate. i don’t want to say the game is misogynistic so i’ll call it anti-feminist. why? just answer me. why? why did you have to disrespect Carmelita like that? right off the bat, they swapped the pants for the skirt. in what world does an active inspector who’s always on the scene wear a skirt? Carmelita now wears a skirt because her only role in the game is to be the love interest. Carmelita now wears bright red lipstick and has a new hairstyle, which would be ok if only it wasn’t Carmelita. Carmelita now plays up her inner sassy Latina because she’s pigeonholed into the ‘angry ex girlfriend’ role. they compartmentalised her, tried to sexualise her because she couldn’t possibly be one of the boys. nope. let’s take a respected woman, high in rank and as physically able as Sly, and turn her into a cliché, an angry ex girlfriend for comedic relief, strip her of her abilities and have her be kidnapped twice, have every exchange with her be about how attractive she is, have almost every male character in the game flirt with her, have her boyfriend be jealous of his own ancestors because they’re flirting with her in order to create purposeless love triangles, and then, after all that, dress her up as a belly dancer and distract some guards while the rest of the gang do the heavy lifting. that last one was really the nail on the coffin. did Bentley have other ways to enter that door? absolutely. so, what the fuck? why did i come back for a good Sly game 8 years later and receive a game where you have to shake your controller to have Carmelita shake her ass? why did they have the guards’ eyes pop like that? why did no one stop them? and it isn’t just Carmelita. it’s Penelope too. god forbid we have a female character who doesn’t have a waist smaller than my finger, and a voluptuous physique. why was the redesign so drastic? the story stuff is also nonsensical. why did she leave? wasn’t she happy with Bentley? i watched her speech about turning on the gang about a thousand times and it still doesn’t make any sense. like, i literally don’t understand. what was her motive? and why reverse her story of overcoming the Black Baron persona and the connotations of a meek woman hiding behind a man’s disguise? why repeat it, shamelessly? do the guys at Sanzaru only know women who have recently broken up? why does Carmelita, Penelope and Ms Decibel all go through break-ups during the game? why does Penelope go against Bentley before they even break up? why waste the opportunity to introduce a new, well-written villain and use it to repeat something already done? why???? no woman is safe from Sanzaru because Ms Decibel... boy, did i feel bad for her. apart from continuously reminding us that she’s haha fat!! she’s also presented as a blind lovefool. love? what a silly concept only women believe in! Ms Decibel had a crush on Le Paradox (for some reason i can’t even fathom) and for that she must pay by being utterly humiliated. and what do ALL women do when a guy breaks up with them? they get so angry! yikes, stay clear guys! ....why does Sanzaru hate female characters? i’m genuinely curious. i mean, what forced them to depict women like this? i’m sorry, i can’t take much more of this.

Ending: and how do you end a disappointment that came 8 years late and didn’t even have a sequel guaranteed? yeap, you guessed it! a cliffhanger. but not just any cliffhanger - a total fuck you to anyone and everyone. with a single move Sanzaru instantly screwed over the franchise. the fans, the creators, the characters, anyone looking to continue the series. everyone. WHY would you trap the protagonist in the past? WHY? did you feel defensive about something that wasn’t even yours and went ‘well you can continue the series but the sequel will have to do with time travel’. why did you think it was a good idea? how does it even slightly resemble a good ending? someone fill me in please. because i don’t think i’m being unreasonable, i’m just telling it how it is.

Conclusion:

i did it. i fucking wrote it in all its motherfucking glory. the idiots at Sanzaru could’ve given us an amazing game but instead of working on how to make it better or including extra levels, they wasted their time on deciding what killable baby animal to include in each hub or what the backstory for each treasure should be. how fucking distasteful. and to think i’m an idiot myself for trying to force myself to like it because i was so in denial about how bad it was. i’ve just outlined everything wrong with that cursed game. i’m exhausted.

#yOu'Re rEaLLy pEttY ! sOrRy hAd tO UnFoLLoW #i think i covered everything #THIS IS AN AMAZING ESSAY #this is the crown jewel of my time on tumblr #i love myself so much #sly cooper #anyone who even remotely comes for me because of this WILL get blocked #the birds really think i care about my rep on this fucking hellsite #HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

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youdonknowaboutme · 4 years

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First, There’s Sierra. Then, There’s Bash.

Roller Derby has been my dream since I was fifteen years old. I saw “Whip It” in 2009 and fell in love. I always said that if there’s one thing I regret, it’s not starting sooner. I thought about that for a moment and realized that things fell into place exactly when they were supposed to. Every derby player I know will tell you that it came into their lives when they needed it the most. I believe in this theory wholeheartedly. This beautiful, all-inclusive sport saved my soul.

It took a broken person,

Turned her into a beast,

And slapped her with the name “Bash.”

My given name is Sierra. My name was almost Savannah until parents heard the name Sierra being thrown around in a Burger King. My derby name is Khloe KarBash-u-in, but my teammates call me “Bash.” My derby name is more than just a name on the back of my jersey.

I knew I was meant for this when going through old photo albums at my parents house. I came across a photo of me in a sassy pose, wearing Barbie skates in my grandma’s kitchen. Even though it was 1997, my dad says that he still catches me with the same look on my face. Some things never change. The only difference between now and then is that I ditched the fanny pack.

My parents were very surprised when I told them I started playing Roller Derby. I do admit, it was pretty out of the blue - over lunch at KFC. I thought it was a little strange that they never expressed any worry about me getting hurt. Maybe they thought it was just another phase? Honestly, I think they were more skeptical than anything because I sucked at every sport I ever played growing up. I was never really the “aggressive” type. When they saw me play for the first time, I don’t think they were too impressed because I was still new. I admit that I was never a Bambi when I first drafted, I was always pretty stable on my skates...just a little lost.

I started training with the Treasure Valley Rollergirls in January 2017. I remember my first practice so vividly because it was held in a barn that was so cold, I could see my breath while skating. Our coach said, “You should all be proud of yourselves for showing up. There are a lot of people who want to do this but don’t have the courage yet.” I have carried this with me since day 1. So I don’t just play this sport for me, but I also play for the ones who aren’t quite ready to lace up a pair of skates.

I will forever be grateful to the Treasure Valley Rollergirls for giving me my introduction to derby. Unfortunately, I wasn’t quite what they were looking for. They were looking for someone who was secure with themselves and what they were capable of. I didn’t possess that kind of confidence. I skated my last practice with TVR on a Wednesday and 24 hours later, I rolled into my very first practice with the Beet City Bombers. By this time, it was March 2018.

Treasure Valley taught me how to skate.

Beet City taught me how to derby.

I received the best of both worlds (insert Hannah Montana singing).

On June 14, I became a drafted player for BCB. Aside from my high school and college graduations, draft night will go down in my personal history as being one of my greatest achievements. It was a very liberating experience for me because it was the most confident I ever felt in my life. When you spend a year in a half working your ass off for something you’ve wanted since you were a teenager, you would probably feel the same way.

I’m not going to say I never had any opportunities to start derby sooner. When I was in high school, TVR’s very own Demolition Barbie used to work at my local library. TVR’s Draculatte was a barista on the NNU campus. The Rollerdrome gave me the contact information for BCB in 2013.

I waited and that’s okay.

I may have been confident on draft night but that was just a moment in memory lane. As a new skater, I wanted to see where I belonged on the track by trying everything. I probably tried every position on the track before I formed a tight bond with the outside line. 2020 is going to be a little different, as our team is smaller now and I have morphed into a backwards facing blocker. This last practice, my teammates and coach encouraged me to start jamming. Apparently, I’ve had secret jamming skills this whole time but never realized it. My derby is ever-changing.

My lack of confidence has played a huge part in my derby story. I’m an emotional person who struggles with depression and anxiety. My fear of failure is no secret to my teammates. I’ve had emotional breakdowns at games that were almost impossible to get through. When our team won, I would feel like they won without me. I say this from experience: tears and glitter don’t mix.

Last summer, I took almost 2 weeks off to go on vacation with my family. It gave me time to get away and make a game plan for my comeback. I had an epiphany and discovered that derby wasn’t my first love, skating was. I started going to practice an hour early, three days a week just to skate.

Some call it crazy,

I call it therapy.

I can’t describe the feeling I get when I skate, but I can tell you that there’s nothing I would rather be doing in that moment. Skating gives me wings and brings me peace.

The most difficult thing for me as a derby player so far is coming to the realization that I’m not going to be the best of the best overnight. In fact, I learned that this whole outlook is completely skewed. Roller Derby is about being my best and whatever that may entail, which is emulated by the choices I make to be the player I want to be.

This is my blog and I can speak my truth:

You can be a great derby player and a poor skater.

You can also be a great skater and a poor derby player.

My choice is to be an equal combination of both, which is entirely possible if you put the work in.

I separated skating skating and derby. Skating is mine and no one can take that away from me. I’m in complete control with no obstacles getting in my way, just the polish concrete in front of me. Someone suggested to me once that I treat my skating as a form of worship. I didn’t quite understand what she meant at the time. When I skate, it’s like the building I’m in is my church and I’m worshipping God through my skating. The feeling I get is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, I’m so in love with it. Skating will always be my greatest passion and derby is a close second.

Derby on the other hand, isn’t about me at all, it’s about us.

Skating is me,

Derby is we.

We are more than just a group of women hitting each other on quad skates, vying for the crowd’s reaction (although that is lovely feeling). By making this clear distinction between skating and derby, my entire perspective has changed. I’ve become a better player and a better teammate because of it.

I often think how different my life would be without derby. If it wasn’t for derby, I would have never fallen in love with with skating. Without the connections of our community, my living and work situation would be entirely different. I would have never met my best friend. I would have never gained a second family. I wouldn’t have the memories and I wouldn’t have the support.

Roller Derby may be one of the only sports in the world where you can hit someone at full force and hug it out afterwards. It’s the fastest growing sport in the world for a reason.

Thanks for tuning in! It’s great to have a platform where I get to share my thoughts with the world. It’s even better to know that people are reading them.

All my derby love,

Sierra/Bash

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briannaswriter · 4 years

Text

I was told I should take the high road. I should just accept that Hillary refuses to speak with me again. I shouldn’t expect answers from someone who won’t give them - has never given them. At the same time, I don’t feel like I can genuinely let this go without talking about it in a format that isn’t DMs.

This is really long, sorry? But I wanted to get all of it out because I want to be free of it, I don’t want it to keep being an ache in my heart whenever I think about it.

tl;dr at the end. Feel free to reply, idc, I’ll get back to it tomorrow.

I met Hillary in a group called @/heroesrpg in about 2012. While I was there, I operated under two pseudonyms: Miranda/Isa and Bea. The why for that is a long story. I have nothing negative to say about Hillary here! She was a great friend who taught me a lot about writing and challenged me to become a better writer. I don’t think I would have gotten this far without writing with her. When I left heroes in about 2013, we didn’t keep in touch. I didn’t really stay in the RP world so I didn’t pay attention to it.

In 2014, I was invited to join Ashbourne at her behest. I don’t recall the specifics of how I found it, I think it was simply me reaching out to her again and finding out she was in a group which she invited me to join, too. I ended up playing a woman named Nadeya Khan who was in a ship with her that was later discarded. Later I picked up Shiloh Morgan, the best friend of her character, Adam, and later Mira Lowell, the elder sister of her character Meyer.

I won’t lie, these dynamics were a lot of fun and I enjoyed playing them.

I was upset that my ship with Nadeya and Adam was discarded (I have a distaste for Adam and the FC Ben/edict Cumberba/tch now, I’m petty, sue me), but I think it was more sucky when all threads with them trickled to a halt. To me, it felt like my character was no longer important because it wasn’t a ship, even if a friendship dynamic would have been just as interesting. I ignored this feeling.

I was sad to leave the group, but I was uncomfortable with an interaction from another player and feeling pushed aside in favor of other ships so I made the decision to leave.

I did keep in touch with Hillary, or I attempted to, but once we were no longer in a group together, we just sorta drifted. We didn’t talk for the longest time here and I forgot her url for a long time. Frankly, I’m not sure how I found it again!

We started interacting again in about September 2018 when I think I reached out to her. This eventually ended with the creation of @lethe-rpg where we could write about old time favorite characters - and we wrote so much in Lethe’s run. Everything from romances, to long-lost parent, to siblings, to best friends, to unrequited loves. We wrote nearly twenty characters each and over ten ships in the time Lethe ran from September/October 2018 to June 2020 when it closed. Or, I should say, we wrote all of these things in theory and a lot of it happened behind the scenes in DM’s between us. When we did write things, they would frequently reach only a reply or two before we had to move onto the next one because she didn’t want to finish the one before. I’ll fully admit that I found this frustrating after a while - but I found it difficult to say no to her about anything, or to speak out against her.

Not only was she my friend, but I very much looked up to her. I considered her a mentor as much as a friend, and her approval meant a lot to me. It meant agreeing with dynamics I didn’t enjoy

pushing for a ship between my character Wesley and ANY of hers. Even if it was already mentioned to her that I had an ongoing connection with another character. If I tried to make this dynamic a friendly connection instead, it was promptly dropped altogether.

trying to get a ship between Gemma and Nate when I mentioned point blank that I didn’t want a pre-planned romantic thing with him after his other one failed.

the fact that Gemma and Lily didn’t get like any interactions completed together until I relented a little on Gemma/Nate. Any mention of them was largely forgotten. Half the time, Lily was treated like a child who hadn’t experienced any pain. Not just from Gemma, but from Gabe and from Hillary herself, who seemed to think that my young FC meant nothing compared to the history I had written for this character. Lily in general was ignored until she brought Lachlan along and prodded him into a ship with Lily. Do you know how many starters I wrote on Lily that were ignored?

the fact that Pat/Kate were the oldest ship in the group but they had like one completed thread the entire time lol.

the fact that Odette/Kate were the oldest family dynamic in the group who had like three NOTES between them.

the fact that Odette/Orion became a ship later who were just... never written. I can be honest now, I found them boring and I’m wondering if she felt the same, or if the lack of writing made me dislike them. Either way, Orion became a drain on my Odette muse, just as the lack of Kate/Odette was.

most stuff with Odette makes me sad. I feel like I had really good connections for her that... didn’t work out, and maybe I took to long to address it.

Mira/Andreas is a dynamic I blame myself on. I did feel sorta like I wasn’t getting anything written with her old ship, and I think me and the mun were drained on it, so while Mira was on hiatus and the mun for her last ship, Clark, was debating letting him go/killing him off, I didn’t mind discussing a new ship. I wanted this ship to be a slow burn, I wanted proper closer on the last one because it was a good ship and the mun is a good friend. This was handled with so little tact on her part, we were instantly hitting ship dynamics from the beginning and I found it callous. I dragged out replies just to avoid it. A shame, because I loved the dynamic, but the way it was handled put a bad taste in my mouth

she wanted an August/Delilah ship? Which I didn’t really want, but she’s really good at convincing you bit by bit that it’s a great idea. When I finally jumped onto this ship and flung myself into it, we got like two notes into it and nothing. Are you seeing the theme yet?

I got nothing against Arthur/Cora because I loved writing them, the only thing I did dislike is how rushed they were and how little I got to explore some of the Riverborn aspects of Arthur’s story with Cora. Also a pregnancy happened hella fast.

But I did have something against the Meadowes dynamic altogether: we had so many pieces of it to use that were never written. I failed sometimes on my part, but a lot of it was Hillary getting easily distracted by something else. Cora/Faolan were rarely written beyond the first reply to a thread. Gabe/Faolan were often two notes in and done. Faolan/Alistair lasted a bit longer, I was impressed. Gemma/Lily was mentioned above, but I’ll also mention how often she tried to take pieces of Faolan’s history and twist it to be her character’s pain without any consideration to previously discussed lore or connections. It wasn’t even about a connection anymore - it was about making her character the focal point. Look at how the Daniel Bisset, Aurelie, and Gabe things turned out: half of the plots were twisted to benefit Gabe’s momentum in the story, and the pieces of angst that should rightly lingered on Aurelie were shifted to the side. I didn’t even write that ship, and sometimes looking at them made me feel like a discarded sweater, but they were cute. Anyhow, this is long, moving on.

Faolan/Saby. I literally almost forgot about them, but like... Legit, I’m glad this ship ended because Saby was wholly too dependent on Faolan’s feelings for her, which he couldn’t even acknowledge because he was still in love with his two centuries deceased wife. Was this handled gracefully, did we get to slow-burn some of their stuff in writing? Sometimes. But again, they weren’t really written, and the ship was pushed and pushed, even when I wasn’t really interested in writing it because I didn’t want a ship for him yet.

Aliza/Tien was twisted out of me piece by piece, prodding at the parts of the Aliza/James connection I found uncomfortable (like the murder, like how difficult it was to plot after a point) until Tien seemed like the best answer. This was late enough into Lethe that I woke up enough to cut the ship off and drop the dynamic. In hindsight, I regret letting this even get so far.

Jonas. Just... most of the things written with him lol because he was constantly pushed onto my characters and others. Jo was hinted as a thing, Wesley was hinted as a thing, I think Nate was at one time. It definitely opened my eyes to the fact that she wanted a ship and that dynamics outside of that were largely ignored.

Do you know what it was like to put your heart into a character / story that was ignored ENTIRELY because she didn’t ship with them? Do you know what its like to be excited about a friendship or sibling or parental dynamic that... stopped getting written because your friend only wrote the character for a ship and the next shiny thing attracted her attention and instead of letting the character go, she made you think the next reply was right around the corner? Do you know how many threads we wrote that didn’t go anywhere, and how thrilled I was to write them still because I thought each time it would be different?

TL;DR: if it wasn’t a ship dynamic, it wasn’t written. If it was a ship dynamic, it was sometimes written. If you weren’t doing any of those things, you were ignored.

TL;DR 2: Do not misread this, please. I understand that RL comes first, I understand that dynamics change, that you’re allowed to change your mind. But do you realize how often I was strung along, or how often I was shoved aside? How hard it was to keep a character going sometimes because their big connection was only important for about a week?

and biting my tongue when my own feelings were callously ignored

when we wrote a ship between Selene/Gabe which was later discarded for a ship with Aurelie which had a much better chemistry, but was handled with little tact for my own feelings as I received constant updates on how their ship progressed, and also how the friendship we developed between Selene and Gabe was just dropped altogether - as it was with Adam/Nadeya so many years ago - instead of revamped to fit a changed dynamic as we discussed ooc.

when I would message her and be ignored unless it was about one of our ships

like the fact that I became an admin in Lethe to help her out and eventually the burdens of handling it were on my shoulders. I don’t mind this, but when it came to asking her for help on simple matters (sending me the psd for banners when I switched computers and no longer had it, posting a bio, skimming a post so I could verify it was okay to post, plotting out future events, posting unfollows/follows for people) or asking if she could write something from an admin post, getting a “sure! I’ll do that later!” and then finding out it wasn’t done for a week until I sucked it up and did it myself. We addressed this eventually, but Lethe ended shortly afterwards.

So. That’s how the last two years have gone, and lord knows how much I’ve forgotten. Hillary and I wrote so much over the last two years, and we definitely grew close. I thought we were beyond just writing friends, that we might have been real friends (after all, we sent christmas/birthday gifts to each other. Hell, I still use the mouse pad she gave me).

I ignored the way she ignored me if we weren’t writing something interesting. I ignored the way she didn’t care about my characters even passively until I shipped with her in some form. I ignored how it felt when entire sections of a back and forth DM was ignored if she didn’t care about the character. I ignored how she refused to write with other people because she disliked their FC, or she didn’t want to write with the mun, or she found the character boring. Half the time, she found a character boring because she didn’t bother learning about them, and the moment she did read about them, they were intriguing. I ignored how she belittled my other ships with other players because “oh I don’t think they click” or “imo that one is boring” or tried to poach those characters to one of her ships. I ignored how she made me feel like a part-time friend sometimes and her best friend other times.

I ignored the way she didn’t help with admin problems even when she knew admin duties were taking a toll on me as people demanded more and more from me. Not even when we discussed ways to handle things on both our parts to make it easier and promptly ignored them the first chance she got.

She made me feel so important when we would headcanon things. It felt like my characters were important, and that I was a good writer with clever ideas and intriguing characters, and that writing her was reaching a pinnacle that others couldn’t reach. She never said this, I’ll give her credit for that, but I have to admit, I felt like my characters didn’t work out unless I had a connection with her.

The last few months were eye opening. I had already spent the last year frustrating from her lack of leadership as an admin, and anger for the way she ignored people’s feelings even when it was pointed out and gave the bare minimum when interacting with other people, and sadness for the fun dynamics we had discussed but never wrote beyond the posted biography. When Lethe ended, I was ready to let it go and move on, I said my peace about my admin things and letting the characters go meant a fresh start. To me, we were friends REGARDLESS OF BEING IN A GROUP TOGETHER OR WRITING TOGETHER. You don’t talk about ooc things and ic things as much as we did only to stop talking the instant you’re done writing together, right?

Wrong. She didn’t even help us close the group that she created, or helped us discuss things with members who weren’t sure what was happening. I gave her time, just short messages about random things because I wanted her to know that I didn’t hold Lethe’s end against her, that we were friends anyway. Those messages were ignored. I gave her more time and then after nearly a month or maybe two, I finally messaged her on tumblr with a brief snippet on how thankful I was to know her because she helped me as a writer, and apologized if I implied Lethe ending was her fault (which I still agree that it wasn’t entirely, it was a situation handled callously and frankly I still think people should have considered that Hillary was barely 3% of the admin team at the time since Ally and I were shouldering the burdens of everything else). I mentioned how I felt like our friendship was being ignored because we weren’t writing together, and how I had thought after nearly two years of talking that we were friends enough to chat once in a while at least, but if we are only RP friends, let me know so at least I don’t have to fucking think about it.

Do you think that got a response?

It didn’t. She didn’t log into discord to chat about it or something else, she didn’t respond to the message, nothing. She quietly unfollowed me and then blocked me. She unfriended me on facebook, I feel like that’s answer enough.

I’ve known her at least eight years and while some of those times were brief, the last two years were most certainly not. And not only does it make me angry that I’ll never know whether she just dislikes me, or whether I made her uncomfortable, or what, I’m also just... really upset that I lost an eight year friendship. There’s only one person I know longer than her and I had hoped that, if not real friends, then we would still be able to meet up in another group together someday. Now it’ll never happen again, and it devastates me. I can count my friends on one hand and I thought, you know, that she was one of them. It feels like a physical blow whenever something comes up on the dash that involves her. I feel so stupid for thinking we were friends when she showed me her priorities in Ashbourne, when she showed me in little pieces here and there throughout Lethe. I feel stupid for writing this entire thing and crying about it. I feel stupid for assuming.

And I don’t know how to talk about this in a way that’ll let me say goodbye to it because I do need to let it go, but I’m afraid that if I do, I’ll lose my ability to write because she’s been such a big part of the writing journey for me.

So here it is. Eight years of friendship summed up in however long this is and here I am, trying to let go - and still a little part of me hopes she’ll see it and reach out about something, anything. And a bigger part that’s angry and doesn’t want to talk to her ever again because I don’t want to do this another time.

tl;dr:

I miss my friend Hillary, but also she’s kind of a shitty friend who only seems to care about people when they are writing with her and I’m an idiot for thinking anything else when I’ve had eight years to learn it. Likely if she did find this post, it’ll be misinterpreted in every way until I’m not only an idiot, but also I’m a bully who didn’t give her time and space, who pushed things on her she didn’t want, who she pitied. Because it just occurred to me now how easily she can warp the truth, how she can prod things bit by bit, until it fits just how she wants things to look that’ll benefit her the most. I love my friend, but I’m done. No matter how much I miss her, I deserve more than to be the butt of whatever joke she wants to say to make this sound cool.

#shush mira #I was gonna post this later but fuck it #long post #like.... really long post

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lovenotesandneonstars · 4 years

Text

And That’s Enough.

Wanna hear a secret?

Every writer I've ever known has, at some point, faced a soul-crushing anxiety over whether or not they're really a writer.

"But Topher," you might say, "That's not a secret!"

If I were being clever, I might give you a wink and the slight twitch of my nose that all the wise old men do. But I'm not very clever, I'm not necessarily wise, and I'm not old. So instead, I figured I might tell you about how I learned to solve that crisis for myself. But in order to get there, we have to start at the beginning.

I was a fairly lonely kid, never really had a steady friends' group, and when I was in second grade I started deliberately getting lunch detention so that I could spend my lunch period reading without being harassed by my classmates. I thought it was a genius plan. Well, that, and my second grade teacher (who was also my third grade teacher, yay for small towns!) and I had a personality clash. I would finish my work too fast and start reading from my pocket dictionary (yeah, I was THAT nerd), and would correct him in class. He, in return, would try to find any way possible to punish or humiliate me. It was fun! I loved reading no matter what trouble it got me in, and getting in trouble just gave me more time to read.

Ask any writer you know and they'll tell you that in order to write, you have to enjoy reading. And I was always excited to read (which hasn't changed much as I've grown, I just find less time to be able to read these days. #Adulting, right?) at any chance I got. When I was in 5th grade, I stayed in the truck with no AC and just the window rolled down for 3 hours while my mom went grocery shopping to read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (which took me a whopping 5 hours to finish!). When sixth grade rolled around, I started wanting to try my hand at creating something instead of just consuming it. For a lonely, depressed kid, the world of fiction was the best friend I had.

The first thing I remember writing was House MD fanfiction. It was my favorite show and I started out as any respectable fanfiction writer does: with a Mary Sue self-insert! Eventually, I had a small cult following on the school bus, and found my way to the big leagues of fanfiction.net about a year later. I moved onto another overdone trope: songfics. From there, I kept writing fanfic, even after my mom found it and banned me from it. I just enjoyed writing so much. House MD turned into Harry Potter which turned into Glee. I should also mention the other kind of writing I found as an eleven year old, right after I started writing fanfic: role playing. I stumbled upon a Harry Potter RP one day while trying to find video games for my favorite franchise and, with the help of a kindly more experienced role player, was taught how to RP. I was hooked. Soon, all my free time turned to writing. I was neglecting my video games in favor of blasting my favorite album at any point and writing more and more. And when I wasn't writing, I was reading. Harry Potter, The Princess Diaries, Percy Jackson, whatever I could get my hands on. Middle school was consumed by writing and reading, whether it was the actual series I was into or fanfiction for it.

Then came high school, and my RP site shut down, and my book pile ran out, and I fell into a deeper depression than I had before. I had always loved music, but I got more into it as I couldn't find much to read that I was interested in. But on the bright side, I was making real friends! I wasn't spending my lunch times alone anymore, and I had people to talk to about the fandoms I loved. Writing and reading fell to the wayside as I explored more music and l got back into video games. I was also a theatre kid, and was getting ready to audition for my first high school play.

Everything changed when my mom passed away on December 5th, 2011, 4 days after her 52nd birthday. My dad made me stay home for a week, and when I came back, all my "friends" refused to talk to me or spend time with me. My depression hit heavier than ever, and I was even lonelier after having had a taste of regular friendship. I spent all my time playing video games and listening to dark, angry music, until June 2012, when I watched a movie called It's Kind of a Funny Story, based on the book by Ned Vizzini while I was sick. It instantly felt like I needed the book in my life, and my dad, thrilled to see me wanting to read again, let me order the book. I fell in love, and to this day, over 8 years later, it's still my favorite book. Soon after, my love of writing came back and hit me and I got back into role playing. I had a role model to look up to who wrote something so relatable to me that it hurt so good, and the video games took a back burner. I was inventing people left and right to see what kind of trouble I could get them into.

My world came screeching to another halt when my newfound role model took his own life on December 19th, 2013. This time, though, instead of backing off from the role playing, I dove deeper into it. I found new friends on the internet and kept making new people. Not long after that, I came out as transgender, and used writing to cope with my dysphoria and strained relationship with my family. Every waking minute I was either role playing or thinking about role playing. I snuck on my phone in class to write replies when the teacher wasn't looking. I wrote replies in my notebook to type up when I got home. I went from short, 3-sentence replies to hundreds of words at a time.

Then, in May 2015, I graduated high school, and I was off to college as a psych major! In the time between, I had graduated to running RP sites as well, and I was constantly writing. My summer was filled with writing, and once I made it to college, I got back into fanfiction, this time on Archive of Our Own. AO3 seemed far more professionally laid out, and it had more freedom of what could be posted. I started writing band fanfiction. I made friends through my fanfiction, now, in addition to RP. It was where I would retreat when homework was too boring or my classes were too much. In November 2015, I participated in my first National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I instantly found the community I was meant to be in and made many friends that I would come to consider family. Ny first NaNo I came in just shy of 13,000 words on a band fic. I couldn't believe I had managed all that in one month with being a college freshman, starting a new job, and continuing to work on my role playing! Things were great! For the next year, my life was nothing short of amazing. I got a summer job on campus, went to my first Pride, and made more friends.

Once again, my life came to a screeching halt on November 2, 2016. Remember how I mentioned I'd always struggled with mental health issues? Well, I ended up in the hospital for just over 21 hours for suicidal intent. This was pretty much the darkest moment and a turning point in my life. It was also kind of ironic, because my favorite book had to do with much the same thing. After getting out, I dove back into NaNoWriMo for the second time, still working on band fic, and this time, ended up just short of 20,000 words. I was doing more, and using it to take away the anxiety I was feeling in my classes. I was hating my major, and the RPs I was in were falling through, but I had a project to work on. For the first time, I kept working on the project after NaNo was over. Things were good again, and over the summer, I made the decision to change my major from Psychology to Creative Writing, but ultimately had to wait one more term because I was already signed up for classes.

I completed my third NaNoWriMo in 2017 with fewer words than the previous year. But I was committed. I had helped start a Discord for my home region for NaNo and was now spending almost full-time hours volunteering for my region. I finished my last semester as a Psych major and then I made my way home for the holidays, where I continued to write, diving back into fanfic for TV shows and now adding Youtubers to the mix. When I returned to school at the beginning of 2018, I started my new life in all my English classes, including my first writers' workshop, and I fell in love. I was still writing fanfiction, though, while others were writing original fiction, and all that I could think was that I HAD to be a fraud. How could I be a real writer if I was just writing fanfiction for my classes? It was frustrating to think that I was stuck writing something that most people saw as mindless drivel, or even ripoffs of the works and lives of others. After my first term of creative writing, I took some time off from my fiction class, and used that to take a break from anything that wasn't RP.

Fall 2018 brought with it many challenges. For one, my college converted to the semester system, and having to confront a new length of term was difficult. It also brought around an intermediate fiction course for me, as well as a creative nonfiction course. Here, I found something I enjoyed: I was able to write about my own life, instead of the lives of band members. After a while, I got to know the band members, which completely killed my desire to write band fic. Life seemed a lot easier without that urge, and I started writing original fiction. In November 2018, for the first time, I wrote original fiction for my 4th NaNoWriMo, and my word count grew, once more, to just under 22,500 words. It was progress, and I felt great. I finally knew how to work on something original on my own.

Spring 2019 was even harder than I had faced before: I had received the news that I was not getting financial aid, and would not be able to return to school the next year. I was devastated, and determined not to have to return to my dad's house for the following year, back to the small town where I had no prospects. I scrambled to find a job, but nothing worked out, and for the next seven months, I jumped from living situation to living situation, relying on my friends to keep me alive and ending up in a tightly packed studio apartment with 2 friends and their 3 cats.

One of these 7 months was my 5th NaNoWriMo and my second attempt at original fiction, this time trying to use a character I had been RPing with for some 6 years at the time. I started using new writing tools, like 4TheWords, and threw myself into NaNo, using it to deal with the frustrations of everyday life. This was the first time I came so far: 28,611 words! And still... My project stalled out. As a major pantser, I had gone into the project with one developed character, one who only had a name and profession, and the plotline "They fall in love". It was freeing, to have something new to work on that I had no idea where I was headed and that I had someone brand new to create. All this was helping me adjust to the new job I found in September, a job I found myself absolutely loving. It was the best time in the world, all I could ask for. I found a new RP site and made more friends. Come December 31st, I found a new place to live, and was finally living on my own.

Then, my writing on that novel stalled out. I couldn't figure out where to go, or what to do with my characters, and so I dove back into role playing. It was all I could do, really, to keep myself occupied when I wasn't working. Things were looking up: I found out I was returning to school in fall; I loved my job; my roommate and I got along well. And then, things fell apart again, to the point where I had to stay somewhere else for over a month while there were construction issues on my apartment. I was depressed, but RP and writing kept me going. Finally, things settled down, and life seemed well again.

That is, until halfway through March, when COVID-19 ended up basically destroying the world I lived in. I lost my job (live performances during a pandemic are a no-no) and had to move back in with my dad, and, well, here we are. 4 months post job loss, I'm trying to get ready for all online classes, and trying to cope with moving back to the town that I couch surfed to avoid. It's been hard, and writing hasn't come easily. I haven't been able to really focus on anything other than role playing until now, and I still find myself questioning whether I'm REALLY a writer every time I realize that this essay or my RP is the only writing I've done in months. After all, how can I claim to be really dedicated to NaNoWriMo or even my writing in general if I can never finish a project? It's been almost impossible for me to do so in the past. All I've been able to do is come up with yet another idea that I've yet to attempt to actually write, and that has no real plot, and that I'll (probably) never finish, either?

Then I think of why I started to write this. I needed to have some writing to show some people I want to impress, and I started angsting over whether or not I'm actually a writer, and if I'm really cut out for this. And the fact that there are over 2500 words more on the page than there were when I started means that, in spite of all my anxieties, I am a writer. All these words I've put out into the world the last several years would never have come into the world the way I've decided to use them if I wasn't a writer. Even now, as I sit here writing this post, for something that I truly love, I'm reminded that I'm not a writer because I follow XYZ formula, or because I plan things meticulously, or because I have some famous novel out there. I'm a writer because I write. And that's enough.

#essay #2020 #writing #am i really a writer #nanowrimo #life #creative nonfiction

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ibestofthewestblog · 4 years

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Gary Payton, Jason Kidd, Hook Mitchell. Three Oakland basketball legends that spent their adolescence honing and sharpening their craft on some of the most coarse and edgy pavements - the most infamous being that of Mosswood Park in the streets on East Oakland. Gary Payton and Jason Kidd went on to display such streetball charisma at Cal and Oregon State as well into the historic NBA careers. Someone that has used the same craftsmanship with the game of basketball, combining the streets with the hardwood is Marley Langi of Archbishop Mitty.

Archbishop Mitty is a perennial powerhouse located in San Jose who are known for representing the boy’s and girl’s for Norcal in the CIF State Championships, as in 2013 and 2015 the Monarchs took home the girl’s basketball championship. This year was no different, as Mitty went 26-3 as they were ranked in the MaxPreps Top 25 and preparing for a rematch with the top team in the country, La Jolla Country Day for the CIF Open Division State Title before COVID-19 hit.

As far as her family remembers, Marley was always a standout amongst her peers - so much so that playing against similar age competition wasn’t enough of a challenge anymore. They looked no further than their local church league, which was composed primarily of men and older competition - they played a different type of basketball, one that stressed flashy moves more than fundamental play: streetball. Growing up in a Polynesian family, one that is familiar with community and sports, she began to harvest her skills and blossom her newly found skills on the streetball turf onto the hardwood.

With her father as her first primary trainer, she learned to incorporate the newly found lessons from playing in previously uncharted territory - as she was already a high IQ player known for making the right reads and plays. Now she developed into a sharp around the edges player who knew how to thread flashy plays as an exclamation point on her all around game. So much so that before her freshman season, she was given an invitation to Colorado Springs to try out for the USA Basketball national junior team, however, she was unable to attend due to the death of a family member.

Flash forward to this summer, where Langi suited up for the highly heralded program Cal Stars, where Kelsey Plum and more recently, local legend Sabrina Ionescu once played. Langi’s game is truly something to take note of, as she combines the freestyle components of streetball with the disciplined textbook game of basketball. She is incredibly fundamental in her approach, as she makes the right plays at the right time and when you least expect it she puts her signature on the play, such as a fastbreak when she puts the back behind her back before finishing at the rim.

So when you stumble upon Marley Langi, the do-it-all forward for the Cal Stars and Archbishop Mitty Monarchs, stop and gaze at her disciplined play, mixed with her witty tactical moves on the hardwood. Pause and then realize that she dons the number 24 - for one of her favorite players that she looked up to growing up, the late and great Kobe Bean Bryant. Kobe was another player who combined streetball tendencies with hardwood fundamentals, as after the 2002 NBA Championships, he played on the streets of Rucker Park in a highly contested streetball game. Like Kobe and other of her predecessors, Marley respects the game and is simply an ambassador, but bet your bottom dollar that the best is still yet to come for the talented forward from Northern California.

Albert: Your game is a clear blend of fundamentals and flair. Tell me about your combined streetball about what you do out there?

Marley: I started playing at a young age, and my dad put me in a variety of sports (gymnastics, softball, swimming, soccer and finally basketball) to figure out what I wanted to do. My dad taught me early on to study, understand my opponents and maximize the court to my advantage. Nothing is impossible, and training consisted of these fundamentals.

Albert: Are there any basketball players that you look up to and mirror your game after?

Marley: Kobe (Fade, spin, jumper, step-back), Iverson (Took his handles and flair), and Magic (His passing was a big thing, and how he moved on the court).

Albert: Do you know anything about the NorCal streetball scene, and how has it impacted your life?

Marley: I grew up watching my family and church members play pickup ball at a nearby park, and gradually over time I trained at Hoover Park where I would eventually play pickup games. Many of the players that would come here to run games were locally known talented athletes / groups of friends.

Albert: What is it like playing for a perennial powerhouse in Archbishop Mitty, and what does it mean to be a Monarch?

Marley: To be a Monarch, is to proudly wearing the black and gold and representing those that have come before. Playing for Mitty is bigger than basketball, you learn to hold yourself to a high standard on and off the court. This means you learn how to represent yourself, your image and how you communicate is critical to others. I learned in and out the responsibility and standard of communication is not only verbal but posture and character. System, being a team player, leader and more importantly being independent you really learn to be accountable shapes you for the rest of your life and becoming a young adult.

Albert: Tell me about your experience playing with Cal Stars this summer

Marley: I gained a new understanding of the game. The system was a new experience as it depends on your IQ, and individual skill of the other players. I love the gear, and having a chance to play with other talented players that bring different experiences - allowed me to grow individually even. Coaches are great, and I love the advice gained through new perspectives. Sharpens my game having a chance to learn from a great program!

Albert: You seem to have a big full family full of support, especially regarding your athletics. Tell me how that has played a role in your life.

Marley: Family is big in our culture. They say “if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together”. Being a team player is deeply rooted in my culture in our own way. I appreciate the love, support and sacrifice my family has made, and it gives me purpose.

Albert: What are some goals for yourself for the next 6 months?

Marley: I want to improve my ball handling skills, shooting consistency as well as my leadership. To accomplish this it means having a disciplined diet that works well with my body to maintain my top shape for the next level. Not to mention staying mentally strong, focused, and open to feedback from peers and leaders in my life.

Albert: Any final thoughts or shoutouts?

Marley: I would like to thank everyone who has helped me along my journey. This is a wide range of support that includes family, friends, trainers, coaches and so much more over the years.

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swanlake1998 · 4 years

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Dance Magazine Article: The Singular Elegance of American Ballet Theatre's Calvin Royal III

Date: June 11, 2020

By: Marina Harss

In an iPhone video of a Romeo and Juliet rehearsal made in early March, Calvin Royal III stands in a corner of an American Ballet Theatre studio, arms reaching far into space, chin slightly raised in welcoming anticipation. There is such warmth and openness in his stance, you can understand why Juliet would want to hurl herself halfway across the stage into his arms. He looks directly into the eyes of his partner, Cassandra Trenary, and then lowers her into a swoon.

"He approaches everything with a sincerity that I love," Trenary says later. "No matter what he dances, he is always authentically himself."

Royal and Trenary were meant to make their debuts in the ballet on April 4, in Abu Dhabi. The following month, he was scheduled to perform as Romeo to Misty Copeland's Juliet, and make his Albrecht debut, at New York City's Metropolitan Opera House. But then the COVID-19 crisis hit, bringing the entire world to a halt and putting all premieres on an indefinite hold.

Royal—tall, lanky, with a silken, elegant way of moving and a gentle and open stage manner—would seem ideally suited to play Romeo. There is a quiet persuasiveness to his dancing. He doesn't show off. Instead, he imbues each movement with an aura of beauty and lyricism. As Kevin McKenzie, the artistic director of the company, puts it, "Calvin has an inner light."

Romeo is a role Royal has craved since he began to study dance. At times, though, he has wondered whether the opportunity would ever arrive. Royal wasn't a prodigy. His ascent has been gradual, even painstaking at times. You get the feeling he has earned every role, every opportunity through determination and the integrity of his dancing, but without ever losing that grace that makes him such a joy to watch onstage. He is hungry without being driven by ambition.

His quietly serious way of working has been one of the constants of his career. "Slow and steady, every day a little bit better, and absolutely consistent," Raymond Lukens, who taught him at the ABT-affiliated Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis School, says of his approach.

Royal didn't get his start in ballet until age 14, at the Pinellas County Center for the Arts at Gibbs High School in St. Petersburg, Florida. Before that, he had been a serious piano student. It was his grandmother Linda, a social worker and a lover of classical music, opera and dance, who first encouraged his artistic tendencies. When he was 10, she bought him a Yamaha electric keyboard for Christmas. "I'll never forget it," she says. "He called me one Sunday morning and said, 'I want you to listen to something.' " On the other end of the line, he started to play Beethoven's Für Elise. He had learned it by ear.

Royal excelled at his piano studies, but also loved to move. For a few years, he took part in a local production called The Chocolate Nutcracker, which included hip hop, West African and other styles of dance. One of his fellow participants encouraged him to audition for the high school dance program. Without ever having taken a formal dance class, he was accepted.

There was so much to learn, he sometimes felt he might never catch up. "I think it intrigued him that ballet took so much effort," says Suzanne Pomerantzeff, his main teacher at Pinellas. The intellectual challenge drew him in as much as the physical.

That focus carried him through some difficult times at home. In his sophomore year, he injured his back in a car accident and had to sit out ballet classes for several months, excruciating given he had only just begun to make progress. He would take notes on the side, "visualizing dance in my mind," as he puts it. Dance became a lifeline, a source of steadiness and hope.

In his junior year, he competed in Youth America Grand Prix, where he was spotted by Lukens and Franco De Vita, of the JKO School. "I was immediately struck by his elegance, his musicality and his coordination," remembers De Vita, who offered him a scholarship.

After a year in the school and two and a half in ABT II (now the ABT Studio Company), he got into the main company, initially as an apprentice, at 21. He was still getting his technique where he wanted it to be—quick footwork and beats were a challenge for his long, lithe physique. ("I wanted to move like those little guys," he says, "but it wasn't easy with these legs.")

But he also wondered whether he fit the typical mold of a principal dancer at the company. "It was only when I came to New York that I started to become more aware of race in ballet," says Royal. In Florida, his ballet classes had been mixed. In New York City, less so. When he first joined ABT II, he overheard other dancers from the company making snide comments about a fellow African-American dancer there. "Oh, well, I guess they needed a black girl,' " he heard one of them say.

He began to wonder whether he might never be given the chance to prove himself as a leading man by McKenzie and the rest of the artistic staff. "Will they see me as Romeo or Albrecht? Not only because I'm black, but also because I'm gay?"

At the time, he says, the company culture was different: "There was this sense of machismo, and this idea that the guys had to look sort of like football players." Ethan Stiefel, José Manuel Carreño and other powerhouses in that vein were company stars. Just a few years earlier, in 2003, the company had put out a video, Born to Be Wild, that depicted its male dancers as testosterone-driven guys who rode motorcycles and posed as matadors.

Since that time, much has changed. Fewer international stars come through ABT; a new generation of home-bred principals has risen to the top, and they are anything but cookie-cutter. (Only one, however, is black: Misty Copeland.) Rigid notions about what Romeo or Siegfried should look like have finally begun to relax, to the benefit of the dancers.

Royal's particular qualities have been recognized and put to artistic use, especially by choreographer Alexei Ratmansky, ABT's artist in residence. In 2013, Ratmansky gave him a major role in his evening-length Shostakovich Trilogy. Three years later, he created an extra-ordinary, melancholy solo for him in Serenade after Plato's Symposium. The solo showcased the gracefulness of Royal's port de bras, the inwardness of his dancing, and his capacity to communicate thought and emotion through movement. Others have danced it, but none with the same poetry.

Royal also leads one of the three debut casts of Ratmansky's newest ballet epic, Of Love and Rage, originally scheduled to have its New York premiere during the company's spring season at the Met. That too will have to wait, for now.

The poetry in Royal's dancing is related to his deep, subtle musicality; music flows through him. It's not surprising that his partner, ABT pianist Jacek Mysinski, is a musician. Their work spills over into their downtime; Mysinski practices at home, and they talk about the ballets in the rep. When Mysinski is playing from the pit during a performance, Royal can feel his presence, he says: "It's almost like having him at my side, almost like a partner."

Royal was promoted to soloist in 2017, nearly seven years after joining. At some point along the way, he admits, he had begun to spin his wheels. "I got my hopes up and then I got my hopes shattered. I even started thinking about exploring other options, maybe another company or something completely different."

What kept him going, he explains, were outside projects that fueled his creativity and imagination, as well as his confidence. He danced for several seasons with Daniil Simkin's touring group Intensio. And, perhaps most meaningfully, he became a repeat visitor to Damian Woetzel's yearly Vail Dance Festival in the Rockies, where he got to dance a completely new repertory: works by Balanchine and Merce Cunningham, new creations by Pam Tanowitz and others.

"Year after year, he has become ever more himself onstage," says Woetzel, who has become an important mentor. "His level of comfort in everything he does has become expansive." This year, he selected Royal to be the festival's artist in residence, leading workshops, performing in various premieres and taking part in initiatives related to the challenges boys face in ballet. "I see a real leadership quality in Calvin," says Woetzel.

Last summer at Vail, Royal danced excerpts from Apollo, one of the pinnacles of the male repertoire. A few months later, McKenzie asked him to make his debut in the full piece in New York, with ABT. It was a remarkable moment—he looked completely at home in the role of a young god. He may have to wait a little longer for his debut as Romeo, but his time, it seems, has finally come.

#calvin royal iii #ballet #ballerino #article #dance magazine #dancemagazine

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celinehq · 5 years

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hello, hello !! my name is eleanor, i’m 21 and in the gmt timezone. this is celine, real name being celine zellmann, my ol’ solo artist. under the cut is a little more about her. please come and plot with me !!

↷ ･:*:･ﾟ☆ ( constance zimmer. forty six. cisfemale. she/her ) ↷ ( celine ) has been spotted by the paparazzi in los angeles. they are an ( a ) list celebrity known for their career as a ( pop & jazz singer ). they’re known by their fans to be ( compassionate, dedicated & innovative ) but the tabloids frequently portray them to be ( defeatist, impulsive & sensitive) . i wish them every success in the entertainment industry. [lady gaga vc]. (eleanor. 21. bst. she/her) ･:*:･ﾟ☆

this intro is more about her personally than her professional achievements; this will come later !!

born to german migrant parents, they always taught her to work hard for what she wanted. they were proud of her but always put a lot of pressure on her when she was at school; they wanted their daughter to succeed in academics and while she proved to be intelligent, she was always more drawn to arts.

she was an artist. loved to paint, sing and dance. her mother did enrol her into ballet but it was always too restrictive to her. she’d always be getting into trouble for adding her own spin or improvising in some way and that didn’t make her mother impressed that they were throwing away their money on her to disobey the teacher and her wishes to do well at it.

while she attended private school growing up, celine absolutely hated it. although she kept her head down, there was always someone picking up on what she was doing; she learned to ignore them. despite her insecure nature in adulthood, she was extremely confident in her younger years. sadly, people took this away from her as she started to be more open about writing her own songs and doing her own choreography. she tried to collaborate with friends at one point but her vision was too great and she needed control of all of it. thankfully, she has improved on letting people take the wheel and has had some very successful collabs with people.

as her parents were all about academics, they pushed her to get into julliard only for her to get in and quit when she was nineteen, in her first year. it all seemed a bit pointless to them and they were incredibly disappointed in her. with no secured job, she ended up working as a barmaid and singing in some dive bars before she was discovered at the age of twenty.

celine was young, maybe not younger than most but not old enough to know what she really wanted. although she was a person of great vision, she did let herself be controlled by her management. the young woman was sick of scraping by and needed some financial comfort; the only way that could happen was for her to make it big. it was all or nothing with her.

she was always worried about disappointing her parents and all those around her and that’s exactly what she felt like she did.

as if it were overnight, she had her big first hit at the age of twenty three and everything seemed to rush off from there. she brought out multiple albums and the tours shortly followed. celine was always so dedicated to them. whether the event was big or small, she’d put her everything into it. unfortunately, there were always people to give negative comments and even write her off altogether and she took all of this very personally and always has.

however, the bigger she got, the harder it got for her to cope with her fame. she was lead astray, she knew that and tried to resist but the party scene seemed to suck out her soul and she ended up doing some questionable things. it wasn’t that she was necessarily addicted to it but the people she was spending time with were toxic. celine’s insecurities heightened and all she wanted was to me loved and appreciated by other’s in the industry.

she’s a gay icon, i called it. she’s been openly bisexual but did receive a lot of backlash for it as people believed she was just out for attention, like her behaviour indicated. the tabloids would never leave her alone and her team just seemed to throw her to the wolves.

she was severely damaging herself for a while with this behaviour and it wasn’t until a stranger in a club took her to one side and was honest with her; she needed help to solve her issues instead of trying to ignore them. that person would be her ex husband. he had been honest with her fro day one and had tried to help her out of a place of concern, not because he wanted anything from her.

they were married and their daughter, tabitha, was born in 2009.

the two of them were happy for a while. celine was in therapy, she had taken a hiatus to explore the world of jazz after her daughter was born and she had a supportive husband. yes, she did mess up some days and go on the wrong path but he was patient with her and trusted that she would always find her way back home to him and tabs.

however, in 2011 she was involved in a car accident. a drunk driver was speeding, going out of control on turns and smashed into the car she was in. it look her a long time to get back on her feet. the woman hated that she couldn’t do things alone for the first year; her dignity was lost and she couldn’t really control anything. all she could think about was how this was the end of her career.

after the accident as she recovered, her relationship did deteriorate with her husband. she was bitter, depressed and there was only so much he could take from her. her pain never seemed to subside and it was tough on him. she did understand when the divorce came around and it was all under wraps until her manager leaked it to the press.

her comeback was in the year of 2013 but it was clear the accident had taken a toll on her both physically and mentally. she was able to get to a better physical health but she lacked the mentality behind it all. people around her continued to push her, even her new team and it just made her pain worse.

celine was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2015 a

she is back but feels like she’s too old for a comeback. she’s just come off her tour (managed to get to the end of it) but her body is failing her and she sees all of these up and coming stars that just remind her that if she’s not considered one of the greats by now (which she is with gaga’s vc let’s not lie to ourselves) then she’ll just be forgotten about. she has earned a lot of money but it’s not everything. she constantly fights with her ex about the well-being of their daughter and he has a few things to say about her public behaviour; he does care about her, he just doesn’t know how to put that into words anymore. he has moved on and is remarried but that doesn’t stop him caring about her family.

her daughter tabitha absolutely loves her. she’s sad that she doesn’t get to see her as much as she likes as celine’s constantly throwing herself into her work but the girl thinks the absolute world of her. don’t get me wrong, tabitha is a savage nine year old and she does lecture her mom on a few things but deep down, she’s using up her humor to cover up the worry she has for the woman. she can tell when her mother’s either having a bad day, in pain or both and she doesn’t like it at all.

celine is frequently featured on tabitha’s youtube channel, mostly centred around her mother and annoying her to death !! it’s funny but savage; she gets away with it because she’s cute. tabs is very honest and that’s honestly great for her mother, she helps to keep her grounded. despite her reluctance, she has started taking tabitha to red carpet events because the little girl is so interested in it. she wants to become a comedian and the president so needs to get all the exposure she can get.

say something bad about tabitha to celine’s face and that’s it, you’re done.

as her pain worsens, she’s being dramatic and thinking of quitting the industry completely. she’s such a creative person and a talented piano player/songwriter, she should look over all her options but she is so quick to become defeatist.

the media just makes everything worse as she’s getting really sick of the drama it causes. she’s reaching fifty and she knows that her levels of insecurity aren’t normal.

personality traits:

protective, caring, humorous, empathetic, good-natured, loyal, nurturing, charismatic, approachable.

impulsive, self-depreciating, obsessive, defeatist, sensitive, over-emotional, neglectful, insecure.

all in all, celine has a heart of gold but does have her issues. she is one of the greats, even if people don’t necessarily like her and she has dabbled in a lot of musical genres over the years. please come and plot with me !!

#fameshq.intro #depression tw #car accident tw

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8771eh · 5 years

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A Personal Chef

Or the 5 times Sid's Chef walked in on things she didn't want to see and one time she saw something she wanted to.

1. Oct 2008-Chez Lemieux Pittsburgh, PA

It all started at a huge event. Well for the rich and famous of Pittsburgh it wasn't that big of a deal. However, she thought it was enormous. Especially as the first event that her mentor had asked her to help prep and work. It was her menu that the upper echelon of the steel city were consuming and that knowledge was overwhelming.

She had a few minutes to step outside for a bathroom break and was able to see faces she had only ever seen on the tv and voices she only heard on the radio mingling in the crowd.

The best thing about being a chef was that compliments were paid to you but so often people did not realize who you were when you went thru a crowd without the appropriate hat. She was more then fine with that because she hated attention being directly on her. Let the attention be on her food, on the combination of sweet and savory or spicey and tangy; not on her face. In fact she would much rather work on smaller crowds with an occasional big event. Then she could be the sole person in the kitchen and manage everything on her own. Not have the extra stress of managing others.

She turned the corner and stopped mid step. Before her were two hockey players who the city were talking about reviving a failing franchise. And they were staring intently at one another, a pink flush on Sidney Crosby's face as Evgeni Malkin cupped his hand over the Sid's cheek, his thumb brushing the apple of his cheek.

She took a couple steps backwards and purposefully stomped her feet as she moved back to the corner. While protecting their privacy was imperative, her bladder was demanding relief before she could get back and make sure the kitchen was running smoothly.

This time as she turned the corner Crosby was standing alone in the hallway trying to will the blush from his face. He smiled at her shyly.

"Oh, hey. Are you the chef?" He asked as he took in her outfit.

"Yes, I am. I'm Vanny. I hope you're enjoying yourself." She was trying to be polite but definitely did not miss the blush that deepened on Crosby's face.

"For sure. The food has been great. Listen, Natalie was talking about how much it helped her to have a chef while Mario was playing and the kids were babies. I was thinking it might be helpful to get a chef who can maybe help me out with food." Crosby chuckled as he looked away while rubbing the back of his neck. "Would you know if anybody who does that?"

"Oh, actually, I just might." Crosby's smile seemed to relax as she smiled back at him. This might work better then she expected.

2. Sept 2009- Crosby Kitchen

She was ecstatic about the Stanley cup celebrations coming to a close. Sidney's schedule had been ridiculous with all the parties and then attempts to get back on a meal plan. Then the amount of cheating he would do. Especially after Malkin-call me Geno- came back from Russia. She was surprised Sidney hasnt asked her to start cooking for the two of them with how often the other man was over.

That didnt mean that she wasnt going to leave him out though. She loved seeing people enjoy her food but she loved trying new recipes more. When Geno started to come around more often she spoke with her colleague who had spent a year training in Moscow. She had just picked up some ingrediants to try and make a healthier version of a cold salad her friend had sent her when she heard voices from the kitchen. She stopped just outside the door way where she could see Sidney holding his head and pacing tightly near the fridge. Geno was propped against the island with a patient look.

"We need to stop. This is a huge mistake." Sidney glanced towards Geno before he turned his back to him during his small circuit. She watched as Geno nodded in agreement before pushing himself off the island and moving closer.

"Is big mistake. But not most big. We just win Cup, Sid. We not deserve?" Geno stopped himself on an invisible line allowing Sidney his pacing space.

Vanny watched as Sidney hesitated a step before looking back at Geno. His back was to her but she could see the hope and worry mixed on Geno's face.

"Its a bad mistake, G." He sighed heavily, "Can we keep kissing until we think this through?" Geno reached out and placed a hand on Sidney's face. Similarly to the way she had found them at the Lemieux household the year prior.

"Take all the time you need. You a big mistake I want make again and again. Choose you each time, Sidka." He whispered before Sidney pressed forward to kiss him.

She definitely forgot butter or would need more butter after they had stopped steaming up her kitchen. She would also need bleach if the rustling of fabric was any sign of what was happening.

3. March 14, 2011- Crosby Kitchen

Cooking in minimal lighting was an interesting experience. Cooking for two injured cranky hockey players was more of an experience. She had worked it out that she would cook the meals at her place and bring them to Sidney's house so he and Geno could try to maneuver their limitations.

Today was different tho. Sidney had been seeming a little bit better over the past couple weeks. She had come in many times to Geno and Sidney on the couch. Geno reading with a dim book lamp attached to his kindle while Sidney looked asleep in the darkened room. The past week the lights had been on more often, there were gym clothes scattered across the laundry room and louder voices or laughter coming from the rec room.

Today she had prepared a ratatouille in hopes that the continuation of food that required minimal chewing would help with the constant ache caused from the concussion. She had become an expert in entering the house from the garage quietly in the midst of the sort days of the concussion.

However she wanted to start rethinking how quietly she entered. The laundry room was between the garage and kitchen. She stopped in there as she heard a firm 'No.' Coming from the kitchen.

Peeking around the corner she could see Sidney sitting on the island with Geno standing between his legs, his crutches on the floor.

"But I'm miss you."

"Geno. I'm serious you are not giving me a blow job. What about your knee?"

"Trust me, my knee miss you too. Sidnyushka, you skate for first time in months! You keep saying no sex, no skate, no hockey, no tv, no fun with concussion."

"Wow, G, glad I've been such a bore while I've been in pain. You know-"

"No, you not listen. You skate today, yes?" Vanny assumed Geno was waiting for Sidney to nod. "And your head not hurt?" There was a pause before a soft gasp followed by soft spoken Russian. "See you on skates again is what I want, but want you happy most. You come back today and so happy. You not tell me you think you ready to skate but you do this and see you most happy is like you most beautiful."

"I didn't know if the team would clear me."

"But you’re not tell me, so I should get included by suck you after hard work." There was the sound of kissing mixed with fabric rustling. Vanny was certain she had forgotten to turn off a stove at home and knew she had more bleach at home. She needed to start finding new places to keep bleach in this house if her poor kitchen was going to be defiled.

4. April 2013-

"Damnit, G, I want your dick in my mouth." Vanny froze. She thought of the location of the nearest spray bottle she had prepped with bleach and glanced towards the laundry room for her gloves. She was not paid enough to keep walking in on this stuff. For a couple who thought they were being really discreet, they are pretty oblivious to the domestic service crew.

By the end of the concussion and knee injuries, the entire house were well aware of how deeply in love the two hockey players were. As well as how stupid they were about communication. Mostly the staff got together on game nights and gossiped about who had walked in on what. Jaden swore they would end up outting themselves during a game and kept a book of all the near misses and missed dates as their pot grew larger.

Vanny sighed, her coworkers had stories, but they could never compare to what happened in her kitchen. She heard the sounds of kissing and fabric rustling, something hitting the ground. Years of working in the Crosby household had taught her to not look, to go do anything else. When she heard Sid state "I may be missing half my teeth but I can still suck your dick. G." She knew it was time to leave and probably call it a night. They could sort their own food out tonight and she could find a new way to blend recipes for Sidney's broken jaw.

5. NYE 2015- Crosby Kitchen

Vanny was stopped in the pantry. She didnt think they would be home this early-werent they on a road trip? She wasnt sure but either way they were in her kitchen. Going into the fridge and she didnt have the courage to leave the pantry. She had seen them in so many states of undress without them knowing that she did not have the patience to see them in whatever state with their knowledge.

"C'mon, G, its new years eve and we are going to celebrate together. I have plans." Vanny could hear the fridge shut, cabinet doors open as socked feet shuffled around the kitchen.

"Yes, I'm see maybe plan, but most worried you not joking here."

"Why would I be joking?"

"Because you not like that and now you have big jar full?"

"Oh? No, Vanny has it on hand to make stuff for you when you come over for longer stints. Pretty sure I saw some licorice for Olli in the cupboard last night. She is amazingly thoughtful. I dont think-" Vanny cant help the smile at Sidney's compliment but is well aware that Sidney is oblivious to the fact that she has been cooking for both of them for years.

"Yes, Vanny most wonderful chef. Not bad with Russian recipes, but Sidka, is maybe popular food. But you most wrong."

"Where is your sense of adventure"

"Is most big insult to Russia, you think mayonnaise good for sexy times, Sidka. Lose your Russian card before even get one." Vanny can hear a scoff and then giggling. "Never allowed to come Russia. Most sad because I am wanting take you to see Magnitogorsk."

Their voices fade as they disappear down the hall. Vanny sighs and then steps out of the pantry. She eyes the jar on the counter then promptly drops in it the trash. Mixing bleach and food wouldnt be a healthy choice.

+1 7/31/18--Cole Harbour, NS

Geno is chattering with Vanny about the recipe she is using for the salmon when she notices Sid standing just out of the kitchen doorway. He is staring intently at Geno. She has been around for so many years and seen many of the looks between the two men as their relationship grew. As they allowed others in on their life together.

She even knew the looks that meant she needed extra bleach and to prep some whisky balls for Lita when she got the next load of sheets in the wash. There was only so much bleach the sheets could handle. Or the looks they shared when they didn't realize they were not alone.

No, this look was not like that. This one was what she saw in interviews. Like he was schooling himself to not give anything away. He glanced briefly at Vanny and she could see his shoulders heave as he held her gaze for a moment.

"Hey Zhenya, Vanny." Sid greeted as he walked past and pressed a kiss to Geno's arm before heading to the wine cellar. Vanny picked up the platter on the counter and excused herself quickly from the conversation. She needed to get these stuffed mushrooms out to the table before Geno tried to eat them all.

As she walked back into the kitchen, she stopped just at the entry way, Geno was fiddling with a bottle opener as Sid looked on nervously. As Geno turned to use to counter for leverage and started mumbling in Russian about the cork, Vanny covered her mouth to stop her gasp from being audible as Sid dropped to one knee.

"Sid, what you do to bottle? It st-" his words trailed off as he turned and glanced around the room for Sid before looking down. The hand holding the bottle dropped to one side and the other hand holding the corkscrew went to his mouth. "Sidney? Why you on knee?"

"I have probably driven Tanger, Flower and Jack crazy with all the different words I've tried to put together. You know I'm much better at scoring goals then saying the emotional stuff. And Flower gave me a bunch of shit when I tried to use hockey metaphors even if thats-" Sid shakes his head and smiles then pulls out a small velvet box. "Enough rambling, here's the thing, I love you. I have loved you for so long and I want to keep loving you until you tell me to stop. So, Evgeni Vladimirovich Malkin, will you marry me?"

Vanny can feel her eyes watering in the silence that fills the room after Sid finishes speaking. She watches as Geno allows a rush of emotions to cross his face because he has always been one to wear his heart on his sleeve.

"G?" Sid shifts minutely on his knee. Vanny can't see his face to know what expression he is showing and she doesn't dare move to draw attention to herself.

'Sidnyushka," Geno turns and puts the bottle and corkscrew on the counter before pulling Sid to his feet. "Of course I marry you. But Sid, why you have to beat me? Propose not competition. Have big plan, best plan for your birthday. Seryozah, Taylor and Phil all help me make most plan so you say yes but need best plan because-" Geno is cut off as Sid presses a kiss to his lips.

"You know I'm a competitive asshole, Zhenya. I want to marry you regardless but, baby, I win so you win and we win."

"Best team." Geno mutters where their faces are still pressed together. Vanny watches as Geno pulls away enough to ret his forehead against Sid's. "Ok, yes. I'm marry you make you most lucky man to be husband to Evgeni Malkin." Sid laughs as he drops the velvet box to the counter and moves Geno's left arm so he can slide the ring on.

"Sidnyushka, I have ring for you upstairs. Love you most." Geno is cupping Sid's face in hands and peppering kisses on him as Sid giggles wetly. Vanny figures this is the time to give them a little extra privacy. Her kitchen is safe with all the guests, but emotions are high and they deserve a true moment alone.

Besides, she needs to start looking at who she can rope into helping with a wedding.

#sidgeno #sidgeno rpf #i read he has a personal chef and i couldnt knock the idea of what that poor chef would see if they worked for a sid who was with geno

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kevkesblog · 5 years

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Fabian Süle Interview (spring 2018)

As you can guess, this was recorded before the World Cup 2018.

youtube

F: I’m Fabian Süle. 25 years old. Originally from Frankfurt but now studying in Munich.

N: Oh you already speak about your studies… (laughs) So what do you study?

F: I do my masters degree in International Business at the Munich Business School.

N: And what’s the goal?

F: Well yeah… hopefully getting into an industry thats fun. Having a good job. But not anything specific at this point.

N: So I would like to go back to your childhood (laughs) it’s like a therapy here…

F: (laughs)

N: …ahm. You are here because the overarching theme is football. You played football yourself for a pretty long time, didn’t you?

F: I did, yes.

N: How old were you, when you first started?

F: I was three years old.

N: Three!?

F: Yeah… at a local team. Probably I started playing or kicking a ball around since I was able to walk or to crawl. But I was three when I signed up with a local football team.

N: Is that legal!? (laughs)

F: Yeah it is! You can also sign up right after birth, that’s totally fine.

N: So you are bascially like a „silent member“ of a club… but the balls were still lighter back then right!?

F: Lighter, smaller… it was a lot about coordination and stuff. Fun was still the focus back then. It’s not football in a way people are used to. But still I have good memories about that time.

N: Was that part of your family? With your dad, or…?

F: Generally speaking – sports, yes. My father played football. My mother was an athlete. And yeah my father bascially put football in our cradle. The fact that we both play football. Niklas and myself.

N: Yes – because your brother is…

F: Niklas Süle. (smiles)

N: Very nice. Ok, then Niklas was born and he saw you playing with the ball in the garden and he wanted to join…

F: Yeah that’s pretty much the story. We started fighting over every ball and it went back and forth once we got older.

N: And has there ever been a different sport in your lives?

F: Ah, yes. I played tennis for a while. But it wasn’t that long – perhaps eight months or a year. Niklas was very talented in all sports I have to say. He did athletics – won everything. He became local champion in table tennis once. Football I guess in his youth he score over 150 goals one time. And in the end he settled with football.

N: I mean you played sports yourself… back in day did you feel that, there was something different about him than you? Did you think you were both the same… or… don’t pay any attention about stuff like that first?

F: You don’t pay attention. But you sensed that Niklas had an unbelievable talent… something I had as well but the difference was that Niklas was physcially always ahead and more mature for his age. He was always very big. Very physically. Fast. And those features really worked for him and it’s something that played an important role when you are in a young age. And that was different with me – I developed later than him.

N: So you really matured when you were like seventeen…

F: Yeah you can say that…. I was always the small guy. And I grew up quickly once I became fifteen or sixteen years old.

N: And did he clearly say, the other sports don’t really play a role anymore. It was just football?

F: I was really like that, yes. Other sports were also fun for him, but football was really his thing. For both of us. And that’s what we stuck to ever since.

N: How was it with you – I mean at one point you quit playing. Were the reasons only your body and your injuries?

F: Yeah, well actually I quit playing just a couple of months ago. And the reason was honestly just school. Since I have a lot to do currently. I would like to play again. Back when I was seventeen I played on a very high level – very successfully. Then I suddently got injured. I tored a ligament and broke my middle foot. And I got surgery and I saw that I couldn’t go any higher in terms of football. After that I got an offer from New York for a scholarship and went to New York for four years.

N: Oh great, so you combined it…

F: Exactly. Thats possible in America and now I‘m back in Munich since August and do my masters degree.

N: Nice. How was that experience?

F: Indescribable! New York is the best city in the world – by far! There is nothing better than that – the people, the culture, the city itself… the possibility to play football, studying at college… I traveled a lot. Saw nice places. So I would really say those were the best four years of my life.

N: Sounds great. How did you experienced football in America? I mean, there are usually other sports that are bigger over there. American football, basketball… football is still growing but… whats your experience?

F: Many international stars are now moving over there. Training is much better here in Europe or Germany for that matter. Especially in terms of tactical training and techniques. American soccer is more physical. So you have to get used to the speed and physical aspect of it… but nevertheless it’s really interesting to watch. It also has a higher status now than maybe back a couple of years ago. And like I said, it was a very nice experience. Even during college when you play. There were games were you flew to a certain place and you played in front of 10.000 maybe 15.000 fans. That was really cool!

N: The big stadium experience so to speak…

F: Yeah that’s almost like that, yes.

N: So how was like for you, seeing your little brother playing in a stadium for the first time?

F: It was May 11, 2013 – I remember that. Against Hamburg. He played with Hoffenheim at that stage. A defender got a yellow card from the previous game and got suspended. So Niklas slipped in as a seventeen year old. Unfortunately they lost 1-4 but I think I was more nervous on the stands than he was on the pitch. It was something great. Something exicting. And it’s difficult to realize. So when you look how fast time has run and you see how much he works for it – it’s really impressive!

N: Niklas is still very young…

F: He is still very young, yes. With 22 years of age you are maybe not the player that is called „a great talent“ in the Bundesliga – because that now usually starts with sixteen or seventeen year olds. Nevertheless he is in a phase where one can say, there is still room for improvement – in all aspects. With him as a person, as well as in terms of his style of football. And he definitely has some good years ahead of him… hopefully!

N: I want to go back to your home… You kicked your first balls back in your garden. Did you guys have any idols? Any german football players? National players where you had posters on your walls?

F: Well, not idols. Maybe you can say my father – but that is selfevident for many people I would say. What we did was we used to play Anfield Road in our garden. Because we used to watch the Premier League with our father and we both were huge Liverpool fans. And since english football is known for its physical aspect and for the rainy weather… so we used to take the hose and made the grass in our garden wet so we could tackle each other better – and that’s something we did almost every day. (smiles)

N: (laughs)

F: …and we went to the local pitch in our neighbourhood. But no we didn’t really have idols.

N: No real role models?

F: Yes. I struggle to remember… all I can say is we used to sleep in Eintracht Frankfurt bed linen. I know Niklas once wrote his favorite team was Energie Cootbus - into a friends diary back in first grade. Like I said those are stories I can barely remember but nothing more than that.

N: Was there ever a point where one of you said „I want to become a football player“ or did you have other professions you wanted to become? Fire fighter, astronaut, pilot…

F: It was always being a football player. Even if you listen to stories from our parents, or family, or friends… whenever they talk about our childhood, it was football all day long.

N: Weren’t you sometimes annoying your mother about this? Didn’t she came to you once and went like „Oh god why football all the time?“?

F: I think she was happy that we got outside once in a while. We really went outside quit a lot and played on a football grounds in our neighbourhood. We played from two o’clock mid-day until eight in the evening with friends.

N: You also have hungarian relatives. Do you have any relationship with them?

F: Ahm, not really. We still have one aunts and two or three relatives back in Hungary. But we don’t have so much contact. I mean… I would say it’s not present in our daily lives, but you know where you coming from. Especially in terms of livelihoods there. But we haven’t been to Hungary for a long time. The last time was maybe… seven or eight years ago.

N: Do you know one or two words?

(9:20min)

F: I can’t speak it. I could say „Thanks“ I guess it’s called „köszönöm“; „please“ is „kérem“ but that’s it…

N: Ok…

F: No. But we don’t speak Hungarian. My father doesn’t either…

N: But why?

F: They never taught us. So it’s not present.

N: Your favourite food?

F: Yeah…. ahm, something with spagetti. In all shape and forms. Spagetti with vegetables with tomato sauce, chicken, shrimps… I cook alot myself. I also like to try out new things. But a favourite food… I mean… pizza!?

N: Do you sometimes eat with Niklas before a game?

F: Not before a game, since they’re always in the hotel. Or they are in the „facility“ as it is called these days (smiles) but I do cook something whenever I’m vitising him once in a while. Sometimes we do stuff together with his girlfriend. That also happens occasionally.

N: His favourite food?

F: Salate.

N: Salate?

F: Salate! Yes.

N: Very healthy!

F: Yes it is healthy. But I have to say, in that regard Niklas has developed in a very professional way. I have to say, Niklas also did interview with the DFB where he said he was kind of a bon vivant – he said he sometimes treats himself something. I think it’s important. But what he also understood by now and what he found interest in eating healthier stuff and try out new things. Sure you sometimes eat pizza or pasta, but it’s quit good how he managed it by now.

N: So the body also changes…?

F: Your body and your demeanor. I guess the older you get, the more you think about stuff like that. Especially in terms of optimizing your skill and performance. It’s not always about practice; what his players, coaches or family tell him to do – you always have to find your own path and I think Niklas did very well in that regard.

N: Are you there if something bad happens if there’s pressure? If you don‘t perform as expected? Or your body does not do what you want? Does he have someone he calls… and have a good cry?

F: No, he never really does that. I would say Niklas is mentaly very strong. And he can withstand pressure pretty good. He can handle those things pretty well. We… we talk about stuff, if it’s a bad game or special things happen. But I view him as someone who can deal with those issues pretty well – coming from him. Which isn’t always a given with many others.

N: Do you think he separates that?

F: Yes…

N: Do you think he doesn’t take it personally?

F: Niklas is someone who understands what it means to be professional football player playing on a high level. He knows you need a certain dedication for the sport. And you have to adjust your way of living around football. But Niklas is also someone who understands that there are many other important things in life as well. Like family, health… accepting other people just how they are. And he is very conscious about the fact that there is more than just football in your life.

N: That’s something he has…

F: Yes. But him being able to distinguish both sides is a weakness some may say, but I think for him it’s a strengh. And the fact that he act like that and plays that way.

N: What is he doing if he’s not on the pitch?

F: He likes to play golf. We are together very often, whether it’s going out for lunch, chilling at his home…

N: Whenever you chill… playstation?

F: Sure. (smiles)

N: Does he take himself, when he plays FIFA?

F: He often want’s to play with a different team. I usually pick Bayern and play against him, yeah. And also so I can annoy him (smiles). And we also play board games…

N: Sorry to interrupt you, but if you play against each other, does he sometimes tackle himself in the game?

F: It happend. But I wouldn’t say on purpose. With us it’s more about personal rivalry. Both of us want to win. The other brother is always angry and sometimes we don’t talk for about twenty minutes whenever someone of us is loosing, playing FIFA or other games. But everything is fine after a while… Yet we do know how to entertain each other.

N: Sorry I interruped you, you said board games…

F: Playing board games in the evening is something we do once in a while, if we are not in front of the TV. Me, Niklas, together with his girlfriend. Things like monopoly… just anything actually. Just to talk is something we like to do as well.

N: Nice. Russia…

F: Russia…

N: How is your feeling about the tournament? Do you think he’ll make it into the final squad?

F: Like everyone else I hope he will. But I do think he will be there, yes.

N: Will you go?

F: Depends. If they - what I suspect, make it far into the tournament, I guess I would fly over for a game. But since it’s so far away – it’s still three, four months and it depends on so many small things as well – I can’t really give a final answer.

N: But you would like to go?

F: Absolutely.

N: Have you been to Russia before?

F: No I haven’t. Thats a country I haven’t seen yet. Very interesting in terms of culture and you can go there and watch a football game - sure.

N: One question: does he have a favourite song?

F: A favourite song?

N: Yes…

F: No, not really to be honest. We both listen to alot of music that is roughly the same.

N: That being…

F: Hip Hop, R’n’B sometimes house, but more hip hop. But… there are so many new songs coming out all the time, so you get a favourite song every now and then.

N: But in terms of music you bascially are on the same page?

F: Yeah, definitely. You can say that.

N: So how do you see yourself over the coming years?

F: For me personally?

N: Yep.

F: Well I will finish up my second semester of school. I will go abroad again. Finish my masters degree. I hope to find a job then – it doesn’t have to be in Germany. America or everywhere in the world could be possible too. A job that’s fun. Where I have to take responsibility. Where I can develop as an individual. In the long run, sure you always dream about having a family. A house. But since things are changing so rapidly these days, I can also think short-term and face the challanges of the day.

N: But your future – based on what you told us – won’t be in sports right?

F: No not really.

N: Well it’s surprising.

F: Yeah… I mean I would love to play football myself. I guess I will start playing at some point, since it means alot to me. In terms of sport I will always be there and present for Niklas. But I personally see my future in the industrial sector and outside of sports.

N: Could that be a reason why you went to New York. To have a certain distance – some room for your own development?

F: The most important thing for me is – and thats something our mother always told us: be independent and self-reliant. You have to take responsibility for yourself. You have to be able to look after yourself. I went to New York for two reasons: independence was one of them. In order to mature and grow up more. Become self-reliant. The other reason was to have some experience in a foreign country. I have never been away for a long period of time before. Niklas went to Hoffenheim when he was fourteen. And that’s something I told myself, where it would do me a favour if I can see different places too.

N: Was it weird, once he went to Hoffenheim?

F: It was weird, yes. We always lived together and then he moved out when he was fourteen…

N: …that’s very young.

F: It is. It was very difficult. We also didn’t have a good relationship back then. We used to argue a lot around that time. But ever since then, it now developed – because we both put effort in it – into a perfect desicion.

N: Nice. One last thing, ehm… could you tell us your wish for Russia. What do you hope for the world cup 2018?

F: I hope Niklas becomes part of a team that playes successful and good football. A team that represents Germany, where you can say afterwards you are proud of the team. Independently from results… sometimes you need luck, sure. My wish for Niklas is that, he makes a lot of wonderful memories. That he stays healthy and gets to know the world cup feeling around it and how the people are. And I hope that he can experiences stuff where he can say looking back and tell his children or other people about, in the future…

#fabian süle #niklas süle #fcbayern #german nt #niklas sule

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soyoureviewhiphoptoo · 6 years

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4 of Rap’s Most Overrated Diss Tracks

1. 2Pac and Friends Take Shots at Notorious B.I.G. and Bad Boy Ent.

2Pac Featuring The Outlawz- Hit ‘Em Up Released: June 4, 1996 Label: Death Row Records and Interscope Records

That's why I fucked yo' bitch, you fat motherfucker!

The harsh and brutal opening line of one of the most iconic diss tracks ever released. In November 1994, months before he would be sentenced for his time in prison, 2Pac was ambushed and robbed at Quad Recording Studios in New York, leaving him with multiple gunshot wounds. Notorious B.I.G. and his team were in the studio during the altercation and soon thereafter, Biggie would release the single Who Shot Ya. While Biggie would go on to claim that the track was written months before the shooting and was in no way a diss towards his West-Coast counterpart, 2Pac would take massive offence from this song, believing he was set up. Upon his eventual release from prison, 2Pac would join forces with his group The Outlawz to record his response to the Biggie track, taking aim at Biggie, Puff Daddy, Lil Kim and Junior M.A.F.I.A. of Bad Boy Entertainment.

As I mentioned earlier, Hit ‘Em Up has been regarded as one of the most iconic diss tracks ever released; Pac would send brutal shots regarding the rumoured infidelity of Biggie’s wife, Faith Evans, Biggie copying Pac’s style and flow, reminding him of his humble beginnings and insulting his label mates. The song has one of the best hooks for a diss track and the energy exuded from the slow beat and Pac’s ferocious vocals would imply this song deserves the ratings it has received.

First off, fuck yo' bitch and the clique you claim Westside when we ride, come equipped with game You claim to be a player, but I fucked your wife We bust on Bad Boys, niggas fucked for life Plus, Puffy tryna see me, weak hearts I rip Biggie Smalls and Junior M.A.F.I.A. is some mark-ass bitches

Here is the problem with this track that people often overlook; Hit ‘Em Up would have served as a fitting solo track with Pac’s verses and his monologued outro but the song has three more verses from Outlaw members E.D.I Mean, Kadafi and Hussien Fatal. While the three young rappers are able to just about come near to Pac’s energy, ultimately, the Outlawz do not actually add to the song. Listen to this track enough times and you’ll realise that Pac says everything there was to say about Bad Boy and the Outlawz are just echoing his words. Not adding any pieces of new information or saying an overly unique or hurtful diss, just sticking with anything Pac said and making the song longer than it needed to be. If this song was a reply to Who Shot Ya, a Notorious B.I.G. single with no features, why clog your response with guest verses?

More isn’t always better.

youtube

2. Drake goes Back to Back, Fans helps him defeat Meek

Drake- Back to Back Released: July 29, 2015 Label: Cash Money Records, Young Money, Republic Records & OVO Sound Radio

Following a Twitter rant that resulted in Meek Mill accusing Drake of not writing his own songs, Drake fired back with the calm-mannered yet boring diss, Charged Up. After four days without a reply from the Dreamchaser camp, the Toronto M.C. fired the next shot with the relatively better diss, Back to Back. The song gained a grand ovation, winning over the internet. The song would go on to be multi-platinum and the first ever diss track to be nominated for a Grammy.

Here’s the thing about Drake’s Back to Back, it was hardly a diss track, to begin with. Rather than follow the traditional route, Drake decided to follow the idea of “Not releasing direct diss tracks but releasing hit songs and diss you on them”. While the first song was far from exciting, Drake would take numerous shots at the credibility of Meek Mill on Charged Up. On Back to Back, however, the main diss in the long verse was:

This for y'all that think that I don't write enough They just mad ‘cause I got the Midas touch You love her, then you gotta give the world to her Is that a world tour or your girl's tour? I know that you gotta be a thug for her This ain't what she meant when she told you to open up more Yeah, trigger fingers turn to Twitter fingers Yeah, you gettin' bodied by a singin' nigga I'm not the type of nigga that'll type to niggas And shout-out to all my boss bitches wifin' niggas

Here, Drake only briefly mentions the ghostwriting allegations while deciding to turn the beef towards Meek’s then-girlfriend and Young Money labelmate, Nicki Minaj, questioning Meek’s “gangsta” and pointing out he is not as famous or successful as Nicki or himself. Aside from being perceived as a low blow to involve a man’s girlfriend to a situation that doesn’t involve her, these lines aren’t necessarily disses but quotable cheap shots that people can sing along to. You’re not necessarily hurting anyone when you say lines that are reminiscent to playground insults on a hot beat however they will bruise your pride when the song begins to get played everywhere multiple times.

Sure, this worked for Drake but there are two reasons why he was able to overcome Meek Mill.

1. Meek released a lukewarm response. Wanna Know, released the day after Back to Back, did not match the hyped-up vibe that Drake created and Meek did not bring his usual aggressive and loud energy to the track despite sampling Quentin Miller’s reference track for Drake’s hit song Know Yourself and sending far more scathing shots at Drake (And sampling the Undertaker’s iconic theme song).

2. The people were on Drake’s side and, most importantly, the people were against Meek. Over the course of that week, millions of memes relating to the beef were created, with Meek slander being the theme. Drake would go on to project many of these memes on a screen during his Back to Back performance at OVO Fest, which spelt the end of the beef.

If the release of Back to Back taught me anything, it is that Drake’s fanbase is can turn a mediocre “diss” song into the song of the summer and the cause of a meteoric rise.

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3. Kendrick “Diss” Puts Rap on Notice

Big Sean Featuring Kendrick Lamar and Jay Electronica- Control Released: August 12, 2013 Label: UMG Recordings, Inc., G.O.O.D. Music & Def Jam Recordings

During the 2013 roll-out for his second studio album, Hall of Fame, Big Sean would release the single Control. Featuring fellow rappers Kendrick Lamar and Jay Electronica, the Sean single delivered three impressive rap verses. While the song was unable to be added to the album due to a sample not being cleared on time, the song would go on to gain critical acclaim and becoming one of the most notable songs in Big Sean’s discography. Mind you, that is not thanks to Sean by any means. It would be Kendrick’s verse that would send shockwaves throughout the rap industry.

With a guest verse that hijacked the shine of his fellow artists and a stupendous lyrical display that will leave you catching your breath, Kendrick spat, possibly, the best rap verse of his career. What is odd about this verse is whenever it is discussed by critics and major publications, it is often referred to as a diss verse. When I first heard this verse five years ago, this sentiment confused me and it still leaves me scratching my head today. The very reason why this verse is an “overrated diss” is that it was incorrectly labelled as a diss, to begin with. In this very long rap verse, there are certain bars that grabbed the most attention and generated the most reaction.

I'm Makaveli's offspring, I'm the King of New York King of the Coast; one hand, I juggle 'em both

With these lines, Kendrick claims he is the king of both California and New York, two of the spiritual homes of hip-hop. The latter claim led to a response from many New York rappers, most notably Joel Ortiz, Joe Budden, Cassidy and a surprisingly harsh diss track from Papoose. While it makes sense that rappers will act as gatekeepers for their city against the outsider with boisterous claims, it also seems odd that certain rappers took lines, that were nothing more than Kendrick bragging and displaying his confidence, like this to heart (especially Papoose).

I'm usually homeboys with the same niggas I'm rhymin' with But this is hip-hop, and them niggas should know what time it is And that goes for Jermaine Cole, Big K.R.I.T., Wale Pusha T, Meek Millz, A$AP Rocky, Drake Big Sean, Jay Electron', Tyler, Mac Miller I got love for you all, but I'm tryna murder you niggas Tryna make sure your core fans never heard of you niggas They don't wanna hear not one more noun or verb from you niggas

This is a section of the verse I remember the most. In a fashion that would make The Game proud, Kendrick would name drop many prominent rappers and while saying he respects them all, he says he plans to outdo them all and surpass them. I remember a very specific out roar towards this particular section, with many people feeling this was a diss towards the individuals Kendrick named. This, of course, is incorrect. At this time, Kendrick had worked with all of the rappers he mentioned, with the exception of Tyler, The Creator. He even states he is friends with all of them, making it clear to me that he was playing it safe with this section by naming people that may not have a negative reaction, generate a sense of competition and most importantly, generate a big enough reaction from the fans. With the exception of Nicki Minaj, 2 Chainz, Rick Ross and the T.D.E roster, all Kendrick did was name drop all of the rappers who had the most mainstream appeal in 2013.

Kendrick might have spat an amazing verse that brought back a sense of competition to hip-hop but he set a statement, not release a diss.

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4. Remy Ma hands Nicki Minaj and herself an L

Remy Ma- shETHER Released: February 25, 2017 Label: Empire Distribution

Unlike all of the feuds on this list, the tension between Remy Ma and Nicki Minaj has been well-documented for many years. Dating back to 2007, Remy Ma, who was becoming a fan of the young Nicki Minaj, perceived the opening lines of Nicki’s single “Dirty Money” as a diss towards her. Despite being a belief she maintained for a few years, Remy had a change of heart upon her 2014 release from prison. Remy and Nicki would publicly champion each other and show each other love through tweets and interviews. All of this would come to a halt when Remy would release an N.Y. State of Mind freestyle where it was speculated that she sent shots towards Nicki Minaj. Since the release of this freestyle, Nicki would send shots on featured verses on Gucci Mane’s Make Love and Jason Derulo’s Swalla. At this point, Remy was given the excuse to release a 7-minute freestyle over Nas’ iconic diss track called shETHER.

Off the bat, the very first issue Remy encounters with this song is the song she chose. To rap on the beat of one of the greatest diss tracks ever recorded immediately puts her remix under a magnifying glass. The song was destined to fall from the resulting high expectations despite Remy superb rapping ability and cypher delivery style. With seven minutes of straight bars, there are several instances of memorable bars, discrediting Nicki’s character, insulting her surgically enhanced body, her label situation, her relationship with her brother and instances where Remy just goes on spectacular lyrical runs.

And I got a few words for the moms of the young Barbz Guess who supports a child molester? Nicki Minaj You paid for your brother’s wedding? That’s hella foul How you spendin' money to support a pedophile? He a walkin' dead man, sendin' threats to him I guess that’s why they call you Barbie, you was next to Ken Talkin’ about your money long and your foreign sick Why you ain’t help your bro hide his cum from forensics?

The next issue (and possibly the biggest) was the legitimacy of the lyrics. In rap beef, it is not uncalled of that rappers tend to stretch the truth or just lie in a few bars on their diss songs (After all, the opening line of Hit ‘Em Up has since been disproved) however, there are several instances in shETHER where Remy makes claims and allegations towards Nicki. During this song, Remy accused Nicki of: sleeping around with multiple artists including Drake, Lil Wayne, Gucci Mane, Ebro Darden & Trey Songz, having punctured ass implants for three months & refusing sex with her then-boyfriend Meek Mill, being addicted to cocaine & ecstasy, having untreated gonorrhoea and signing a 360-record deal to Young Money. Mind you, all of the bars relating to these topics were shocking and added to the song when it was first released, however, since then, a lot of the claims that built up a majority of the song were apparently disproved. With many of the men, Remy named as Nicki’s past lovers, denying the allegations, Meek denying talking to Remy about Nicki’s punctured implants and learning Nicki was not signed to a 360 from a simple Google search deflated the validity of shETHER overall.

Remy would go on to an attempt to go “back to back” on Nicki by releasing the significantly weaker diss track Another One, further deflating the effect of shETHER. Nicki would release the even weaker response; the Drake and Lil Wayne assisted No Frauds. While there would be later exchanges between the two, including Nicki spitting responses on the 2Chainz’s Realize and DJ Khaled’s Can’t Even Lie, the battle was over by then and it was unanimously decided that Nicki lost. While this would be nice under regular circumstances, Remy did not necessarily walk away from this beef in complete victory. shETHER has since been banned from radio and streaming services due to Remy not gaining rights to use the Ether beat, her credibility has been brought into question due to her many allegations and Remy’s eagerness in the battle caused her to disrupt her own momentum.

Nicki Minaj might have lost this battle but Remy Ma wasn’t really a winner in the end.

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expatimes · 3 years

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The life and career of Rashid Khan, Afghanistan’s cricket prodigy

The life and career of Afghanistan cricketer Rashid Khan has seen the theatrical treatment: The curtains parted one day and there he was.

Among a cast of romantic, colourful cricketers from the country’s fairy tale, stood the teen prodigy, the one player ready-made for the biggest stage.

Online profiles feature Rashid’s One-Day International (ODI) debut at the age of 17, the 25 teams he has represented in various formats, his admiration for Pakistan’s Shahid Afridi, that whippy, whirly action, dead-eye wrong ’un, striking ability with the bat, athleticism in the field and the ICC T20 Player of the Decade title, even though he played in only half of it.

But what about the other parts of the man that was known as Rashid Arman, the sixth of 11 brothers? The dreamer who thought he would become the family’s first doctor? The computer science student with beautiful handwriting? The part-time English teacher? The boy who was called “Peshawari” in Afghanistan’s local cricket and “muhajir” (refugee) during his college days in Peshawar, Pakistan?

There are bits that make up his life from Bati Kot to Peshawar and back to Afghanistan’s Jalalabad then Kabul, before his October 2015 ODI debut in Bulawayo – on his way to becoming Rashid Khan, the superstar.

In the life of every cricketer, there are family, coaches and teammates who watch their rise with a mix of emotions: Love, pride, delight, among lashings of envy.

We begin with a story from Inzamam-ul-Haq, the former Pakistan captain who was Afghanistan coach from October 2015 to April 2016.

Looking at a list of his squad for a 2016 tour of Sharjah, Haq noted Rashid’s omission.

While Rashid’s performance in Bulawayo had not been earth-shattering, he – out of the roster of leg-spinners Haq had first called out and tried – had impressed.

So much so that Haq ended the arguments with selectors by saying: “Only after Rashid is in the team can you talk to me about other things.”

Six years later, Rashid’s name is first on every Afghanistan team sheet.

These days, Rashid is in Abu Dhabi for the Test series against Zimbabwe.

In the touring party is senior team manager Nazeem Jar Abdulrahimzai, who, in his many past roles in Afghanistan cricket remembers 2012 as the year he first met Rashid.

At a provincial Twenty20 match in Kabul, playing for a club called Kochian, Abdulrahimzai watched an unknown teenager, of small built, batting like a dervish.

“He was opening, he scored 93. When he bowled, no one could read him. It hit the legs, bowled. It hit the pads, LBW. It’s like they couldn’t see,” said Abdulrahimzai. “I had not seen a boy like that.”

Rashid had been spotted, marked for attention and encouragement.

Abdulrahimzai started emailing regional teams, asking them to try Rashid out, pushing those who hesitated.

“Listen, I’m the domestic manager, you take him, give him training and a trial. If you’re happy with him, fine. If you’re not, he can come back.”

Khan won the ICC T20 Player of the Decade title, even though he played in only half of it

In 2013, Afghanistan set up the Shpageeza Cricket League, which was to become its national T20 competition, one of the many steps Rashid would take on his meandering odyssey.

That year, at Peshawar’s Arbab Niaz Stadium, Islamia College Coach Ali Hoti was approached by a teenager who introduced himself as Rashid Arman and said he wanted to join the college and its famous cricket programme.

Islamia College alumni have represented Pakistan in various sports. Among its celebrated cricketers are Haseeb Ehsan, Yasir Hamid, Wajahatullah Wasti and Shaheen Shah Afridi.

When Hoti and team captain Sajjad Hashmi saw the youngster’s clean-hitting with the bat and his unorthodoxy with the ball, they knew they had spotted a winner.

But at the trials for the university’s sports quota admissions, the young man was missing. He had had to dash over to Afghanistan to play in a tournament.

This to and fro was due to Rashid’s nomadic boyhood, often as part of a business family alongside 10 brothers.

Cricket, the constant

During a period of uncertainty and war, as the family moved between towns on the border, cricket remained the only constant.

Rashid’s skills were homemade, on the concrete strip inside the housing compound meant for parking cars, in taped tennis ball contests with his brothers, especially brother number two, a football fan.

Once, so furious at being done in by Rashid, his brother wrapped extra tape on the tennis ball only for Rashid to get past him again.

The brothers were competitive but protective. Abdulrahimzai remembers one of Rashid’s brothers Jalil, sitting next to him during an early under-19 match, asking: “What will become of this boy? Of Rashid?”

If he had asked Rashid, he would have been shown him the road map.

At Islamia, Hoti said Rashid enrolled for a computer science degree from 2013 and the formalised structure of cricket training and competition.

Team captain Hashmi befriended the quiet, new entrant and saw what Abdulrahimzai had seen: Presence and confidence.

Hashmi, a former opener-wicketkeeper who played domestic cricket in Pakistan, said Rashid immersed himself in cricket, barely spoke and never complained.

“As college captain, players come and argue their case: Why did you bowl me so late, why can’t I bat in this position. With Rashid, nothing,” said Hashmi.

On one occasion, Rashid was dropped due to a dispute in the team and Hashmi went to his home to make peace.

“The next time I went to the ground, he was there. With his cones, doing his training and shuttle runs,” said Hashmi.

“Others might have gone into a sulk, but he knew what he had to do and wasn’t going to stop. Rashid didn’t waste time, he was driven and completely focused. It was like inside, his real talents were hidden, waiting for their time.”

Rashid’s batting, especially his clean hitting, added to his prowess as a world-class cricketer

Within three years, the world would see those talents.

We must turn to Abdulrahimzai’s Urdu to understand what Rashid’s on-field manner reflected: “Haawi rehna” (domination) and what Abdulrahimzai never saw in him: “Bebasi” (helplessness).

In collegiate and inter-university cricket, Hashmi said Rashid earned the reputation of being the spinner all batsmen thought best to see off.

Hoti is now director of sports at what is now Islamia University and recalls Rashid’s “zabardast” handwriting and the pressure from home to study.

“Rashid was a good student, a thinker. He would try to speak in English, practice it every day, along with his Pashto and Urdu.”

Rashid once said in an interview that he taught English for about six months before cricket took over as he prepared himself for a life beyond college and the towns he called home.

The variations

Rashid’s first cricketing schools – the restrictive and demanding surface of the concrete corridors in his family’s many homes – gave him the fast-arm action to get extra zip on the taped tennis ball.

Flipping the ball out off his fingers – who said wrist-spinners must only use their wrists? – he sent it whirring through the air, rushing the batsmen on concrete, matting, turf, anything.

Where conventional spinners use variations of pace, loop and flight to judge what works best where, Khan’s pace – more than 90km/h (56mph) – is his fundamental staple.

He said he has five grips to choose from during a game… and three googlies.

“Shahid Afridi was my role model while growing up in Afghanistan”. (Rashid Khan) Inspiration of many.❤️@SAfridiOfficial Thank you Lala.#BoomBoom pic.twitter.com/31Y1pyvuwA

— Zain Zahid (@ZainZahid____10) March 9, 2021

To most batsmen, the range is not the issue. Rather, it is the sameness of what everything looks like that leads to befuddlement over what is going to arrive.

As Haq described it, the batsmen’s lack “response time” to react to a ball that not only turns, but turns at speed.

It was not those skills alone that marked Rashid in Haq’s eyes.

On his debut tour in Zimbabwe, Rashid sat out the first ODI. Before the second, Haq told him to bowl at him in the nets.

“If I’m out, you’re in,” he said.

Rashid failed to dismiss his coach but remembers beating him once.

“Even if I had got out to him, it would’ve been fine, that’s the quality of bowler he is. I would have played him, but I wanted to see how he would respond,” Haq said.

What happened before their exchange had revealed more to Rashid.

“When I challenged Rashid, the 17-year-old looked me in the eyes and said ‘haanji, theek hai, aayein net main’ ,” said Haq with a chuckle.

Rashid’s game was always going to be on.

Read full article: https://expatimes.com/?p=18875&feed_id=36713

#Afghanistan #Afghanistans #Asia #career #cricket #Features #Khan #life #prodigy #Rashid #Sports

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