#if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[fabulouslygaybean]

gerard way gender rant in the tags bc this is my blog so i get to talk abt what i want and it's been on my mind for a hot minute

#like... it just feels weird that ppl are taking them wearing a dress to mean that they've come out as transfem? #please tell me y'all haven't forgotten that clothes don't equal gender right. like a dress is not inherently Female #it just leaves a weird taste in my mouth. it would be 110% fine if he WAS transfem but it feels weird to just assume #he has talked abt how he relates to trans women and that he's struggled with gender and that's valid!! im not denying any of that!! #but they've talked about how they dislike applying labels to himself and i feel like im the only person who finds it weird that ppl are - #- so quick to jump to the nearest label the moment he wears something more gnc than he usually does #also like.. its one thing to say that they're probably not cis. which is very true #but another thing to be so adamant that he's a 100% binary trans woman that it comes off as more intrusive than anything #they probably aren't cis. they've struggled with gender and use he/they pronouns and use some typically feminine terms to refer to himself #and it's fine to look up to him when it comes to gender!! i admire the fact that he's so open about it and i find comfort in knowing that - #- in a way he's kinda like me!! they love their trans fans and don't rlly consider themselves cis but also hasn't said anything about - #- using the word trans to describe himself. and those things can coexist. there can be a gray area between cis and trans #idk man. it just feels weird. i dont like how ppl force labels onto someone who has made an effort to avoid labels. #are they probably queer? absolutely. im not denying that. is it still weird that folks are being oddly invasive about his gender? yeah. #we're allowed to talk about his relationship with gender/sexuality + how he's always been focused on making a welcome space for queer folks #but acting as if it's Written Fact to assume he's a binary trans person is just. weird. #to clarify: this isn't me being mad at anyone in particular. if you're one of the folks who talks abt them being transfem then whatever. #im too tired rn to have any kind of beef with y'all. in the end we all basically know nothing. the only one who understands his - #- relationship with gender is gerard themself. im no expert. im just some queer teenager on the internet. #ive just seen it being passed around and i needed to type this out for myself so i can figure out WHY it was making me uncomfortable #nobody's obligated to agree with me or to even pay attention to this. im rlly only writing it out for myself and myself only. #im keeping the reblogs turned off though bc i don't wanna start fights over it

[fullhalalalchemist]

URGENT: Congress about to pass a mass censorship and surveillance bill under the guise of "protecting children"

May 13 2023

The Senate has been in a "do something!" mode regarding children's online safety. They're using this as an excuse to push for widespread internet censorship and surveillance. The EARN IT Act, has a slimmer chance of passing with widespread opposition and some senators saying they won't vote for it. TLDR;The real threat is actually KOSA (s.1409), the Kid's Online Safety Act, which will mass censor and surveill the entire internet by giving all 50 state attorney generals the power to remove content that is "harmful" for kids, and force you to upload your govt ID online to access the internet. I'll explain how it works below the action items but it's absolutely urgent that anyone who likes having a free and open internet fights back. It's all hands on deck, because this has so much public support it's insane:

HOW TO FIGHT KOSA

CALL YOUR REPRESENTATIVES & THE COMMERCE COMMITTEE

This is a link to the Senate Commerce Committee phone numbers and a call script to read off of. [phone] connects you to the congressional hotline

Opposition is getting drowned, and these upcoming weeks will be heavy for lobbying and they're using young people to do it. We NEED to show these senators that young people are actually opposed to this and don't want it.

2. Sign these petitions

Open Letter Against KOSA

Petition 1

Petition 2

Petition 3

Petition 4

Resistbot: Text PHJDYH to 50409

3. Spread the word.

The opposition is getting absolutely drowned online. Dove has nearly 100k signatures to push for KOSA. Influencers on tiktok are pushing for this without ever having read the bill. Fucking Lizzo is sponsoring it. If you have twitter, reddit, tiktok, are in any community, SPREAD THE WORD, PLEASE.

Here is a linktree with all the above petitions for easy shargin: Link to linktree

HOW KOSA WORKS

First, KOSA pressures platforms to install filters that would wipe the net of anything deemed “inappropriate” for minors. This means instructing platforms to censor. We saw how these filters impacted websites firsthand with tumblr in 2018, with not only blocking all adult content but also sfw queer content such as suicide hotlines, art archives, wiping out entire blogs because they had queer fandom related posts, etc. Places that already use content filters have restricted important information about suicide prevention and LGBTQ+ support groups. KOSA would spread this kind of censorship to every corner of the internet. And who gets to decide what is and isn't harmful for minors? Oh don't worry, just every single state attorney general and the FTC, which is appointed by the president. You know, the same attorney generals that just banned gender-affirming healthcare under the guise that it "ruins mental health" of minors. This is why the Heritage Foundation was one of the first to sponsor the bill because they can use it to censor trans content, and Senator Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee is it's co-author.

Second, KOSA would ramp up the online surveillance of all internet users by forcing websites to use age verification and parental monitoring tools. Yup, that's right. Now every single person who wants to access the internet has to upload their govt ID online to third party apps that get hacked all the time. You queer in a red state? You undocumented? You an activist? Have fun getting all your online activity and metadata attached to your govt ID.  

Over 90+ human and LGBT rights groups agree that KOSA is dangerous and updates to the 2023 version won’t and can’t address the big problems with the bill. This bill has MASSIVE bipartisan support, and the authors Blumenthal and Blackburn (yes, that Blumenthal that's pushing the EARN IT Act, and who also sponsored the RESTRICT Act and SOPA/PIPA if you remember) are using the tragedy of mothers who lost their kids to online harassment and young adults who've been traumatized online to lobby for it, and got Dove the company to use a bunch of influencers to push for this under the guise it prevents eating disorders...I wish I was lying. There are already 30 co-sponsors.

It is all hands on deck. I'm dead serious when I say if this bill is passed it is the beginning if not end of the open and free internet.

#earn it act #kosa #kids online safety bill #kids online safety act #earn it bill

[ms-demeanor]

Heya, got a question about cybersecurity meetups. Do you think folks would be cool with a rando showing up because they're curious and like learning new stuff, especially for writing? And also because internet privacy is super important rn and there's no good books or written sources I can find on hacking, the dark web, etc; let alone digestible to somebody who knows what a directory is and how to use command line and not much more.

Also. I know it's gonna vary per location, so if you can't speak for all of 'em, I get it. Are these kinds of spaces like 2600 and Defcon queer friendly? Or I guess what I'm asking is are they notorious a place queer people should avoid. I'm non-binary and don't rly pass as remotely normal or straight, and I have nobody to go with me :|

Thank you!

Meetups that are publicly listed are very cool about randos showing up to learn new stuff and talk to weird people. Most meetups tend to be about 5 parts socializing and 1 part "tech activity" like a talk or a demo if they have a tech activity at all, so you're mostly just going to be meeting people and talking to them about themselves.

I will say, if you show up specifically saying "i'm a writer and i'm here to learn about stuff for writing" you're probably going to get some trolling - that's pretty common and a lot of meetups do have to deal with stuff like journalists periodically showing up to get the inside scoop about the scary hackers and that usually gets some fairly mean-spirited teasing directed at them.

So it's better to show up because you want to learn generally. People don't like being used as reference material during their socializing; they're there to hang out and talk to people with similar interests, so ask them about their interests. You can just say you're new to the scene and you heard about hacker meetups online and wanted to learn more.

If you want to do something to pregame and learn a bit about hacking ahead of time you may want to try hackthissite.org, check out 2600 magazine, or look on the DefCon forums to see what's going on in your local DC Groups. There are some good books about hacking; I like The Cuckoo's Egg and am asking anyone with good books or memoirs about hacking to chime in in the notes.

I will say, asking about the darkweb specifically might get you some eyerolls because it's something that sounds a lot scarier and more intimidating to most people than it actually is. You can get on the darkweb now. You can do it on your phone. Here's a very basic get-started guide. I don't think it's necessary to use a VPN to use Tor (most guides recommend it and then link to pages full of affiliate links for VPNs), and here's the Tor user manual to get started if you want to. Be careful, and if you're planning on doing anything that requires actual anonymity do a LOT more research before you follow the advice in any guide, but yeah pretty much everybody with an internet connection can get access to the darkweb in about twenty minutes. It's just websites that you need to use a slightly different set of tools to navigate to (granted, the content of the websites might be horrifying, so. Again. Be careful.)

Anyway moving on:

Defcon has had Queercon (a queer party for queer hackers) as a part of the con for at like twenty years and I know many queer and trans people who are part of the scene. And there are a lot of trans folks who I know who are volunteers at defcon and help to run hackerspaces and who volunteer and attend and run all manner of cons. I can't speak for your local group, but I've found that hackers in generally are more tolerant of a *lot* of things than the broader population is (they are weird people who engage in a hobby or who engage in work that is often technically criminal - they don't have a lot of room to judge and the more sensible ones among them know that).

HOWEVER I have personally had problems with defcon the conference specifically about harassment and infosec does lag behind other parts of the tech sector in participation from women. Defcon is working on it and i know their current head of conference security is very serious about ensuring that it's a welcoming space for people and that if people DO have problems at the con it is handled in a serious, sensitive way. (Legitimately, he's a good dude) I just. I don't go to defcon. There's more info in my pinned post. That conference is burned for me.

BUT there are a lot of other conferences, big and small, and there are a lot of local groups to look into. You'll have to get to know your local scene, but I'd bet that if one part of your local scene is unwelcoming that other parts are more open.

[olderthannetfic]

Pronoun discourse is just as exhausting in person. A trans girl in my group project for History of Modern Europe refused to use he/him for me because "they/them is neutral" and I looked her in the eyes and said, "I will not reply to group texts, upload anything or share resources if you don't refer to me correctly. I use silence to train my dogs, I use it to train transmisandrists, too." She was furious and spent a few weeks misgendering me... until she realized I was serious and I would let all of us fail this group project because this he/him? Yeah, this he/him had a 100 on every single assignment up until that point and could take the grade hit. If other people can't, well, that's not my problem.

She learned to call me he/him with incredible regularity once her grade was on the line. Suddenly, two words weren't incredibly hard to recall and abruptly, not every conversation with her turned into her lecturing me on how trans women have it harder than trans men. We were able to talk about the actual subject of the group assignment and she was able to remember he/him.

Meanwhile, the cishet members of the group had not struggled to recall he/him for me once, nor had they turned group project meetings into discourse once.

Why are queer people always most vicious with their fellow queers? I'm in MONTANA, and the people worst to me aren't the fucking rednecks, it's other queer people. Rednecks don't condescend to me about how they/them is neutral and good and indicates they're trying their best and trans men have it easy actually. It's the city queers sitting there going, "Rather than just call you he/him and spend this meeting for our group project focusing on the project, I'm going to treat you like the enemy and lecture you." People talk about the concept of a 'queer community' but getting lectured about how trans women have it worse than trans men (because I guess my saying 'use my pronouns' secretly implies I think trans men have it worse? idk, I don't speak bullshitese) doesn't make me go, "Ah, yes. My community! I feel so supported!" it makes me go, "Oh, fuck. Great, I'm stuck talking to an asshole."

Between this, the lesbians I've met on campus who keep making, "gays can't do math or science or history or whatever other subject we're in right now" jokes who seethe with contempt for the privileged gay men, the cis gay guys terrified of doing something perverted who view drag, cosplay, wearing a skirt, wearing makeup or fucking around with presentation at all as not okay/possibly problematic and the NBs who cannot emphasize enough to you that they're one of the good ones who don't dye their hair or wear stupid shit or use neopronouns like the bad ones do, and the utter disgust they all look at anyone with who dares use the word queer, I'm beginning to feel like "the queer community" is one of those things you don't get access to until you're 30+. Alternatively "the queer community" appears to "antis, but with rainbows and flags and ew you think the rainbow flag is for everyone you're so problematic", which is... not great, honestly?

I know this will get a lot of queer people very angry but I'll say it: there are 492 anti-queer laws proposed in the USA, not counting the ones that have passed. We should probably focus on that instead of going for each other's throats and then saying we're a "community".

--

I don't think it will get many queer people around here angry, but yes.

We have more of a need to draw together into a community when everyone's dying of AIDS or getting beaten up or trying to stop laws that make it illegal for us to exist.

Some people have the privilege to shit all over that community. They don't see it as one, but it is.

[solisaureus]

I feel like a lot of people on this website know that they're supposed to hate terfs but can't recognize actual terf ideology. i see people saying fuck terfs and then uncritically reblogging terf logic later. So here's a bit of a primer on terf ideology because it isn't just people going around saying "trans women aren't women," it's a lot more insidious than that.

Obvious/well-known terf beliefs (these are just general transphobia):

The idea that trans women aren't real women, that being trans isn't a legitimate identity

Gender bioessentialism -- essentially, anyone with a penis is a man, and anyone with a vagina is a woman. Some terfs try to bring up chromosomes (XX=woman, XY=man) but they don't know what the hell they're talking about.

Maligning trans people as sexual perverts, groomers, pedophiles, and predators

Less obviously hateful terf beliefs, which sometimes reel in people who are sympathetic to the radical feminism aspect:

the notion that arguing for trans rights detracts from rights for cis women, particularly medical and reproductive rights, as well as trans inclusivity in sports

Suggesting that trans men are victims of internalized misogyny and only identify that way because of the patriarchy. Or alternatively, that former cis lesbians or cis gays transition to trans men or trans women because of internalized homophobia.

The idea that trans women experienced "male socialization" and therefore have male privilege

Wanting to protect The Children from being confused by "trans ideology" and preyed upon by trans people or people pretending to be trans

Truscum/transmed logic -- that the only valid trans people are those whose intense gender dysphoria needs to be corrected by surgery and hormone treatments

obscure terf beliefs that i see people who claim to be trans-friendly uncritically supporting:

Keeping men out of women's spaces -- not all trans women/amab nonbinary people are out, and some trans men pass as cis. if a trans person needs to come out as trans to have access to your space, it is a trans-exclusive space.

Judging women, particularly bi women, for dating men or bringing their boyfriends to queer functions. See above point

Suggesting that all men are predators because of some inherent violence in their biology

lamenting "the loss" when figures who were previously cis lesbians come out as trans men

Cis lesbians saying they would never be with a trans woman -- everyone is welcome to their sexual preferences, but saying this contributes to the transphobic belief that trans women are repulsive, deceitful, and are always trying to have sex with cis people.

Anything insinuating that motherhood is the pinnacle of womanhood

If any of these points made you feel targeted, you are at risk of falling susceptible to terf ideology.

#robin text #transphobia

[sapphire-weapon]

So, in light of recent events, I've been doing a lot of thinking. People ask me a lot how to get into analysis and where to start if they want to analyze characters and media -- and, historically, my answer has always been "start with the themes."

But there's actually a point 0 place to start. I never mentioned this, because I thought it went without saying -- but that was stupid for me to do, because people are coming to me with nothing and I'm expecting them to have something by default. That's dumb.

The real place that you start?

Is with the writer and the target audience. Who is writing this story, and who are they writing it for?

This is the exact reason why I've also said, in the past, that not all readings of a text are valid. The only way to make all readings of a text valid is by invoking Death of the Author.

So, what is Death of the Author?

Very plainly, Death of the Author is defined as: a literary theory that argues that the meaning of a text is not determined by the author's intention, but rather by the reader's interpretation.

A lot of queer media analysts and scholars, for example, invoke Death of the Author in their work, because they know that an author did not intentionally set out to write a story that was reflective of the queer experience -- but their argument is that there's a way to read the text that is reflective of that experience. They're not saying "this is what the story means." They're saying "this is what the story means to me."

And this is a very valid form of literary analysis, because it provides extra meaning to a work beyond what the author intended and makes it more accessible to a broader audience.

But the thing about Death of the Author is that you need to acknowledge that you're invoking Death of the Author. Because if you don't, then you're making a completely different argument, which is: "the author/work intends for us to take this meaning from it." And you can't say that in good faith for all readings of a story. There is no way to make a claim that there's a positive allegory for the trans experience within Harry Potter, because that is most certainly not what JK Rowling set out to do. However, you could make a Death of the Author argument in favor of that -- which would be great, because it'll piss her the fuck off.

That's what I mean when I say that "not all readings of a text are valid." When I say that, what I actually mean is "that is absolutely not what the writers intended for us to take away from this scene/character/relationship/line of dialogue."

So, if you're someone who's coming to me, personally, and asking "how do I do what you do?" -- I don't make Death of the Author analyses. That's not what I do. So, my step zero to writing meta is to consider who is writing the story and who they're writing it for.

And there's a few reasons why I do this.

First and foremost, I'm in the business of theorycrafting. In order for me to try to accurately predict where a character arc or storyline is going and how it's going to manifest in future titles, I need to try to hone my focus on the writer's actual intentions. Because if I can't see things from their perspective, I'm never going to be able to chart out a course for where they might be going. And I'm not always right -- but sometimes I'm really right. Like, really super right. And I can't stop being right. And that feels really good.

The second reason is because acknowledging the writers' intentions opens them up to criticism. It's hard to criticize a writer for a lack of inclusivity if you take the stance that all readings of a text are valid and therefore any of the characters could be XYZ marginalized group. It's hard to criticize a writer for a sexist narrative or a sexist framing of events if you make the argument "but it's possible this completely alternate interpretation is also valid."

Like, I love DBZ. I love Akira Toriyama. I cried openly when he passed. But DBZ has some sexist bullshit going on in it. And you can't criticize it or him for turning all the female characters into housewives and babymakers while also supporting a reading of the text that says "but this is the happy ending that the characters are fighting for in the first place, so it's actually empowering."

So, in the case of Resident Evil...

Resident Evil is being written and developed by Japanese men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s for a group of Western cishet male gamers between the ages of 18-35. That is their target demographic. They are not talking to my coworker who's a 24 year old afab bi enby who desperately loves the series; the series just happened to reach them despite that.

And while everything in RE released prior to 2005 is pure survival horror meant to make you constantly feel like you're on the back foot, everything from RE4 onwards is a power fantasy. There are still horror elements to the games and movies, but RE more turns into a monster-of-the-week series about cool characters doing sick wrestling moves on cool monsters.

The devs and also the majority of their target audience project onto the male protagonists of the series to a certain extent -- which is why there has only been one title released since 2005 with a focus on a female protagonist, and that's Revelations 2 -- and, even then, Claire had to share the spotlight with Barry. Women have been playable here and there and been considered "main characters" -- but they've never really been the focus of any new titles that have come out. Sheva is considered Chris's partner. The RE6 campaigns are primarily about Leon, Chris, and Jake. Revelations 1 is seen as a Chris and Jill game in equal measure. And even though Death Island was supposed to be about Jill -- it wasn't, really. Because every other character had to be there with her, too.

So, when I get shit for taking a "heteronormative perspective" to my RE analysis -- there's a reason why I'm doing that. It's not because this is how I inherently view the world. It's because that is the intention with which the games are being written. That is who is writing the games and who the games are being written for.

Let's take RE4 Remake as an example, here. Capcom had to mash three different women together in order to create Ashley and turn her into an idealized fantasy woman so that she had the perfect face, the perfect body, and the perfect voice.

And the games are being developed by and for men who project onto Leon and see him as a power fantasy.

That is why it's absurd to me for people to say that Leon and Ashley never flirted with each other in the game. Of course they fucking did. Capcom created the perfect woman with giant tits and a small waist and a huge ass and a supportive personality and put her into close quarters with a male power fantasy protagonist. They put the flirting in so that their target cishet male audience could live that.

What people don't understand is that the eagleone romance wasn't created for the sake of the ship. It was made because of:

dudes who want to fuck Ashley and

Yoshiaki Hirabayashi's love for fairy tales.

(What makes me say that Hirabayashi loves fairy tales? He wrote RE5, which has a shitton of fairy tale elements surrounding Jill and Wesker specifically and even an alternate costume for Sheva that's called "fairy tale." To find that he turned RE4 into a fairy tale wasn't surprising to me at all, considering what the source material was. But the RE5 thing is for a separate post.)

Capcom doesn't care about your ships or our ship wars. They didn't create a Leon and Ashley romance because "we ship these two characters together." They created a Leon and Ashley romance so that guys who want to fuck Ashley can feel like maybe they could.

And because Hirabayashi fucking loves fairy tales.

And I also love fairy tales, which is why I love the ship. But I also do recognize that there's a sexist element behind the construction of Ashley's character and am capable of criticizing the ship for that reason.

So. Yeah. Start there. Start with the writers. Start with the intended audience.

I know that RE isn't being written for me. So I have to look at it from the perspective of the people who it is being written for. And if you want to analyze media, you have to do that, too.

#resident evil #resident evil 4 #leon kennedy #ashley graham #eagleone #meta analysis

[isaactheterrible]

TF2 Mercs Thoughts On Queerness

TW: Homophobia, Transphobia (nothing graphic)

(Disclaimer: Thats what I think the 9 tf2 Mercs realistically think of gay/trans people based on their personalities in the comics. These are just my personal opinions, don't take it too personally)

1. Soldier

•Gay People:

-Military Homophobia (Calls gay men sissies/thinks they're weak and feminine)

-Against gay marriage

-Cool with gay people raising children as long as it's a fem/masc dynamic that looks heteronormative from an outside perceptive

-Cool with lesbians, especially butch ones

-Other than a few homophobic comments here and there okay with gay men

-Would defend a gay person if they were being physically attacked or if someone was being particularly mean

-Old fashioned but not cruel

•Trans People:

-Sees Trans people as their Gender Assigned At Birth

-Sees Trans women as emaculated and feminine men who need to 'man up'

-Sees Trans men as masculine women and supports their masculinity even tho he sees them as women

-Misgenders a lot but perhaps with conversation and some mental gymnastics (playing into his insanity) you might get him to accept your identity

-Doesn't understand NB people

2.Engineer

•Gay People:

-Cool with them (supportive)

-Belives in equal rights (Gay marriage/Adoption)

-Would be a bit taken aback if it was his kid and might have to confront some of his internalized biases but would work really hard to understand

-Supportive Dad Energy

•Trans People:

-Man of science

-Very supportive tries his best to use proper name/pronouns

-Thinks it's kinda cool what science can do to people's bodies

-Doesn't really understand NB people but tries to be supportive regardless

3.Demoman

•Gay People:

-He doesn't care

-Probably has experimented with some dudes

-Supportive of gay rights

-You're just another person to him

•Trans People:

-Supportive

-Tries his best with pronouns/names

-Doesn't always understand but he doesn't have to

4. Heavy

•Gay People:

-Despite the memes Heavy's highly educated

-While he doesn't understand it he doesn't bother gay people

-Would be supportive of a family member coming out, would confront his internalized biases because he just loves them so much

-Might be homophobic before but would rethink everything if someone he loves came out

•Trans People:

-He doesn't get it

-If you ask him to call you something he'll go along with it

-Doesn't really see trans people as their real gender but understands it's none of his business

-Would be polite for the sake of keeping the peace

5. Pyro

•Gay People:

-Pyro doesn't care

-They think pda is disgusting no matter who it's coming from

-Doesn't care how other people live their lives

-Would defend a person being attacked for being queer if the attack was physical

•Trans People:

-Supportive

-Might buy you a small pride flag

-Very excited to meet a new interesting person

-Uses correct name and pronouns

6. Scout

•Gay People:

-Homophobic

-Uses 'gay' as an insult

-Makes fun of gay people with his friends

-Would say something if a gay person was being physically attacked

-Believes marriage is between one man and one woman

-Mixed feelings on adoption tho (He prefers a kid have 2 dads or 2 moms than no family at all)

•Trans People:

-Would think it's a joke at first

-Has probably never heard of being trans before

-Wouldn't misgender someone if they passed

-Doesn't understand, never will but if you explain the basics he might use proper name/pronouns

-More accepting of trans than gay people

7. Medic

•Gay People:

-Doesn't care

-He's going to experiment on you regardless

-Supportive in a nonchalant way

-thinks Homophobia is illogical

•Trans People:

-Fascinated by their unique physiology

-Supportive and uses proper name/pronouns

-You better watch out you're a unique speciment

-Cool with NB people and especially intersex people, fascinated by the diversity of the human species

8. Spy

•Gay People:

-Doesn't care

-You're just another person

-Would be supportive if it was his kid

-None of his business and he knows it

•Trans People:

-Has done drag a few times

-Thinks NB people are "Confused"

-Sees Trans people as their Assigned Gender At Birth

-Thinks Gender-Non-Conforming people are just crossdressers

9.Sniper

•Gay People:

-None of his business

-Would be supportive of his kid if they came out

-Might be a bit uncomfortable with gay people showing pda

-Otherwise chill

•Trans People:

-Doesn't understand

-Uses proper name/pronouns in the name of politeness

-Doesn't know what a NB person is and would be really confused

-Is polite regardless

Link for part 2:

#tf2 #tf2 jane doe #trans #sniper #scout #medic #team fortress medic #team fortress two #team fortress 2 #tf2 soldier #tf2 sniper #tf2 demoman #tf2 heavy #tf2 headcanons #tf2 scout #soldier #tf2 spy #tf2 medic #tf2 pyro #pyro #team fortress engineer #team fortress comics #team fortress spy #team fortress demoman #team fortress headcanons #headcanon #team fortress soldier #Spy #Heavy #queer headcanons

[iheartpeppino]

Heya! Saw your headcanons post.

This is very unoriginal ik but what is Peppino's relationship with the rest of the pizza tower cast like in your headcanon? Like friendship wise? Has he befriended the bosses to an extent or is he still sus of them all XD

I hope you don't mind if I cover more than just the bosses!

Gustavo: I can't decide whether Gustavo has known Peppino for a long time, or if he only just met him during the events of Pizza Tower. Either way, assisting Peppino with Brick's help has been a bonding experience. Gustavo and Peppino are BFFs post-Tower. I see them having a queer-platonic relationship if they don't decide to outright date each other. I can see Gustavo having a hard time understanding Peppino and his emotions until Peppino opens up to him. Gustavo has never been traumatized the way Peppino has... but he has a good heart and wants to help him to the best of his ability. Peppino is grateful to have someone as loyal and kind as Gustavo to keep him anchored, even if he occasionally gets frustrated with his ignorance.

Brick: Peppino hated rats before he met Brick. Post-Tower, however, he's come to appreciate them. Brick is not only very handy in the kitchen (don't tell the health inspector), he's been known to cuddle Peppino when he's anxious to try and comfort him. Brick is a rat, but he's treated more like a house cat who also happens to be able to cook. Peppino likes him well enough.

Mr. Stick: Nothing has changed about Peppino's relationship with Mr. Stick. Stick continues to try and scam more money out of Peppino, or even outright STEAL it. Peppino doesn't fall for any of it or let Mr. Stick get away with it unless he genuinely needs something Stick has. Scott Stick is a greedy asshole who preys on desperate people like Peppino to make a profit. I like him a lot, don't get me wrong, but he's an asshole.

Pepperman: Everyone's favorite artistic pepper made a killing with his art after the Tower fell, and even got to star in a movie with The Noise later when the Tower was rebuilt. Despite his already large ego growing larger as a result, Pepperman knows he owes at least SOME of his newfound popularity to Peppino. Had Peppino never fought him, or destroyed the Tower in the first place, Pepperman would have remained an undiscovered talent, only making art of himself for himself. So whenever Pepperman is around the chef, he's a little nicer to him than he is to everyone else. In fact, he's even asked Peppino to model for him sometime so that he can make art of him. Peppino thinks Pepperman is way too full of himself, but other than that, he's not really a bad guy. Plus his art is actually pretty good quality. However, he's way too anxious to model for him... Peppino doesn't think very highly of himself, insecure about his physical appearance, so he'd feel way too exposed to model for an art project. That doesn't mean he can't change his mind, though...

The Vigilante: While they certainly had their differences at first, The Vigilante realizes now that Pizzaface/Pizzahead had lied to him about Peppino's intentions. Vigi knows now that Peppino is a good person who was just trying to save his already-struggling business. As someone who knows the meaning of hard work and responsibility, tending to his grandpa's farm, Vigi understands why Peppino had acted so desperately and violently, even if it resulted in the Tower's collapse and an initial loss of the farm. It's safe to say Vigi likes Peppino these days, even respects him. Peppino gets along well with Vigi as a result. They're not quite friends... yet... but they're cool with each other.

The Noise: Peppino and The Noise have been rivals for as long as Peppino has been running his pizzeria, and their rivalry has only continued post-Tower. Said rivalry got way more heated after The Noise made a movie based on the events of the Tower, re-writing the story so that The Noise was the hero, and with Fake Peppino being passed off as the actual Peppino. Peppino was pissed and tried to beat The Noise up for this, but The Noise convinced him not to by promising to release a second version of the film where he and Peppino are working together as partners. Peppino agreed to this compromise... only to be insulted yet again when The Noise hired Peppino's nasty brother, Maurice, to play Peppino's role. (Originally, Gustavo had been asked to play himself, but when Gustavo found out Maurice was playing Peppino, he said, "Absolutely not!" The Noise was forced to hire some random guy to play Gustavo.) Needless to say, Peppino and The Noise are NOT getting along very well right now. A shame, since they actually did seem to be getting friendlier BEFORE The Noise decided to make a movie, but the little gremlin fucked that all up completely just for the sake of more money and fame.

Noisette: Peppino used to find Noisette extremely irritating due to her being... well, oblivious. However, they've actually gotten to hang out more since the Tower first fell. She's still irritating, but Peppino tolerates it a lot more now. He's even starting to understand why The Noise is dating her. Truthfully, even if Noisette is oblivious, she isn't malicious or ill-intentioned. She's actually one of the nicest, most loving people Peppino knows... at least when she's not pissed off at The Noise for doing or saying something stupid. Then she's absolutely terrifying... not that he blames her. He doesn't understand what Noisette sees in The Noise, and has even asked her once before. Her answer surprised him: "He makes me laugh!" Peppino asked if that was all. "Do I need any other reason to love someone? It's really all I need to be happy." The Noise is very aware he doesn't deserve Noisette... but he loves her, even if he has trouble admitting it.

Fake Peppino: Well... Fake Peppino has been adjusting relatively well to the outside world after the Tower fell. He made a hideaway not far from Peppino Pizza, a sort of replica of Peppino Pizza 2, constructed from trash and scraps he'd found. Every day, he'd open his trash pizzeria for business, and go about his day as if he was the real Peppino. Making pizza from whatever he could find. Even taking out the trash into the same alleyway the real Peppino took his trash into. It was... awkward for both of them. Then The Noise made his movie where HE got to be the Real Peppino, and... he suddenly had acceptance from literally everyone around him. He had fans! People were asking for his autograph. The actual Real Peppino wasn't thrilled... he wasn't angry, just... kind of helpless, since he figured Fake Peppino deserves to be happy after everything he's been through, so he can't actually get mad without looking like an asshole. He did, however, complain to The Noise. The Noise's second version of his movie clarified that Fake Peppino and Peppino Spaghetti were actually two different people... except now everyone thinks FUCKING MAURICE is Peppino. Fake Peppino can now stand on his own through his newfound popularity as a movie star, with his own identity, rather than borrowing Peppino's. Peppino is begrudgingly happy for his fake, but GOD DAMMIT HE HATES THE NOISE AND MAURICE SO GODDAMN MUCH, HOLY SHIT.

Pizzahead: There is no easy way to say this. Pizzahead has a problem, and it's Peppino-shaped. Pizzahead, once Totino the Pizza Boy, is completely obsessed with Peppino. He stalks him regularly, often in disguise. He's hellbent on replicating Peppino's pizza-making methods and capitalizing on his image so he can be rich and successful like when he was younger. Originally, this stemmed from jealousy. But the more Pizzahead spied on Peppino and went to extreme lengths to replicate his cooking process, the more that obsession blossomed into a full-on crush. Not that Pizzahead will ever admit it. If you ask him about it, he'll deflect and deny it completely. Peppino, meanwhile, HATES Pizzahead after what he tried to do his pizzeria. Pile-driving him into the tower was the most satisfying thing he'd ever done in his entire life. He's vaguely aware he's being watched, but has no idea it's Pizzahead. Peppino is so paranoid, he keeps a revolver in his house behind a glass case. Though chances are, if he does see Pizzahead again, he's simply going to beat the crap out of him the moment he shows his face. (And Pizzahead will LOVE fighting back... fighting Peppino is super FUN for him!!)

#pizza tower #peppino spaghetti #headcanons #mine #pizza tower gustavo #pizza tower brick #mr stick #pepperman #the vigilante #the noise #noisette #fake peppino #pizzahead

[pinkyjulien]

Just a heads up: you, a white creator, putting Native American/First Nations/indigenous inspired clothing on your white OC, and then calling it the "wilding" appearance, could be considered cultural appropriation and could also be considered offensive to people from those cultures.

And yeah, I am doing this from a throwaway account to protect myself because I know how Tumblr and the cyberpunk 2077 fandom works. Even if I do have a valid point or critique, I could still be attacked by "fans" on my main who refuse to use any critical thinking for themselves.

Safe travels 👋 I hold no animosity towards you personally.

(From a "cowardly" anon in an extremely hostile fandom which likely will pretend that this outfit and the name for it isn't tinged with implicit and internalized racism.)

(And, no, I'm not one of the so-called "housewives")

Hey Anon,

Not sure what to say, you claim to not hold any animosity towards me, yet this could've easily been a DM. I'm only assuming you're blocked and had to create a side blog to by-pass the said block.

If this was truly a well-spirited heads up, it would've been a DM.

But anyway, if you're here to accuse me in a sugarcoated way, I already know you're having the time of your life about it in some obscure discord server, so might as well.

The Aldecaldos (and Nomads in general of every clan and family) are multi cultured, there's people of every races, every ethnicities- we see it in game and it's mentioned time and time in the sourcebooks. They're communities, formed of many minorities; queers and pocs alike.

Valentin joins the Aldecaldos during the Star ending, just like the canon game event; he makes friends left and right, and friends makes gifts to one another. We also know that resources, clothes, cars, guns, are shared in nomad communities.

The name "wilding" is a direct reference to the Neo Tribe sourcebook, page 21. I used that same name for Mitch's appearance. They use those outfits to ride off near cities, just like the definition on the page below. They're both proudly showcasing their Aldecaldos colors in whichever place / cities they're visiting.

In my own canon, Dakota is kind of a mother figure for Valentin; she helped him after fleeing the Wraiths, she gave him his first gig with Jackie, she made sure the 'caldos ripper kept the bullet he revoved from Valentin's skull, etc etc

That Jacket could've well been a gift from her before leaving to Arizona, but I haven't decided yet. I was just happy to share my modding project of those past two days.

I've always liked Nomads and what they stand for, their diversity, their lives, their outfits and aesthetics too.

None of the above information is presented as an excuse, they shouldn't be seen as excuses either; I'm simply sharing what inspired me (actively or subconsciously) for this outfit.

If Valentin's appearance, both models and name, did actual upset anyone, I apologize, as this obviously WASN'T the intention. If it does bother you, I invite you to block me.

With all of the "explaination" out of the way; why are you really here?

Because we both know you already knew that about the Aldecaldos. You played the game, you know Panam is half native, you know there's a bunch of native characters in the Aldecaldos and in the game in general.

This ask isn't fueled by kindness or by an attempt at educating someone who could've made a simple mistake.

Nope, you're simply part of this "hostile fandom" problem. Everything you said in brackets reeks of past drama.

Again, you claim to not hold any animosity, but I believe otherwise; that's totally fine, but refrain from contacting me with this fake benevolence, everyone can see it's bullshit.

Repeating myself, this could've been a DM, yet you choose to assume I have some "internalized racism" that You Need to point out, doing so via a side-blog supposedly out of fear (since I don't know who you are, I'll choose to believe you simply by-passed a block) while also dragging in the "Housewives" for no reasons.

You're part of this fandom problem. You're part of the reason why nobody feels safe about sharing anything; you and your friends are out there spying, monitoring what everyone does, assuming the worst at any given occasions and ready to write callouts, to throw witch hunts.

Please, do some critical thinking yourself, remove all the bias and all the "Pinky Bad so this is obviously Racist" bullshit fogging your brain, and ask yourself why you really sent that ask.

#ask #anon #cyberpunk 2077 #long post

[lets-all-calm-down-a-bit]

This is my full analysis of Butters and misogyny, because I just felt the need to have it out there...

Whether you headcanon Butters as queer or not, there's no denying that he is very misogynistic. Some people stop there, then just label him as a bad person, but I'd like to talk about the why.

Before we get into things, we have to remember that he is 9 years old. Some things that Butters (and the other boys) engage in may not be misogyny, but the simple petty rivalry that commonly emerges at that age between boys and girls. I do say some, because there are definitely some things Butters has said or done that can't be passed off under that label.

The first thing we need to think about is Butters home life. Even in a toxic household, kids have a deep attachment to their parents. Often times this is because the parental figure will act perfectly fine at some points, while off the hook at others. If the kid ever starts to question how they're being treated, they feel guilty because they feel like they're being ungrateful to the nice guy who takes them out for ice cream and goes on bike rides with them.

Butters has respect for his parents, even if it's not deserved. Growing up in a strict religious (christian) household myself, I can say that there are some pretty rancid ideals that you are taught from a young age under the excuse of "gods will." Religion almost becomes a scapegoat for any controversial opinion your parents have that they don't have justification for. Butters was fed this stuff all his life. I can tell you that I personally didn't learn the absurdity of these ideals until I was nearing the end of 6th grade. Butters is right at the age where every question he asks his parents is new information that must be shared with the world. Because why would his parents be wrong?

So now that we've established this kid is pretty fucked up from the get-go, let's talk about femininity. Not only is Butters most likely parroting every misogynistic thing he hears from his parent because he assumes them to be fact, but he also has the issue of subconscious negative association. His dad stamps out/ridicules any feminine thing Butters does because of his own fragile ego. This is where I see the similarities with my Brother and Father's relationship.

When we were younger, my dad would yell at him and put a stop to anything remotely feminine. That led to him having an automatic association between feminine things, and getting in trouble. As he got older, he rebelled more and was more aware of how ridiculous my dad was being. However, he still had it in the back of his mind that feminine = bad. I see the same dynamic in Butters and his parents.

So yeah, he's really fucked up. How's he going to deal with it? Well, I can tell you right now that at 9 years old it sure as hell isn't going to be healthy. Like my brother, he's got this shit bottled up. He's going to have outbursts where he acts irrational and, well, offensive. In episodes where you see Butters behaving more aggressively than usual, or having angry outbursts, he may be angry about something else, but he's inadvertently releasing pressure from that bottle of everything he's internalized. My brother went through the same thing. He feels really fucking guilty when he looks back on it.

So yeah, these are some of the thoughts I have on his character regarding internalized misogyny.

#colby rambles #sp #southpark #south park #sp butters #leopold butters stotch #butters stotch #sp butters stotch #character analysis

[martymcflown]

Sorry I'm hyper-fixating on this James Somerton thing because I used to have his videos on in the background quite a bit and now I'm having this spiral of "wow how did I NOT see the misogyny?" And it makes me think of another self-discovery journey I'd been going on recently of confronting the "acceptable" levels of misogyny among queer men, including other trans queer men like myself. How casual misogyny is seen as wholly acceptable because "well the cishet girls hurt us too." How cis gay men in particular think that disparaging certain body parts is an okay thing to do because "I'm gay, I'm supposed to think they're gross" even if it excludes trans men. Not to say cishet people can't or don't hurt people within the queer community, whether voluntarily or not. It happens, often. The idea that some straight women do write queer men as stereotypes that have largely been propagated by the media they consume is accurate, and sometimes those misconceptions pass onto their treatment of real queer men. But also, buddy--don't you think some critiques apply to us, too? That we also need to do some self-reflection as queer men? Because clearly someone like James Somerton, whom many considered a person of authority in queer media content (for the worst), was able to spread blatant misogyny and hide it behind a mask of pretentious, self-righteous, and exclusionary advocacy. If you're okay giving misogyny a pass because you think women as a whole somehow "deserve" what's coming to them based on their preconceived slights against you, then maybe rethink things a little bit. I'm trying to do that, too.

#also i've said it before but the way queer media written by PERCEIVED straight women is seen as lesser is just gross #especially when people in the same breath will praise queer content produced by ostensibly straight MEN #and it's even worse when it has been proven time and time again that these so-called straight women are NOT actually straight women #that a lot of people perceived by others to be teen girls or adult straight women writing queer content are actually queer themselves #or are nonbinary or trans #LIKE I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS #anyway just wanted to rant #james somerton #queer authorship #lgbtq #misogyny #also the fact tumblr wanted to autofill me typing misogyny with misandry OOOOOF

[aibidil]

been thinking about the socialization into gendered bodily comportment and autism

so we know that little girls have a lot of "gender appropriate" bodily comportment to learn—keep your knees together, don't let your underwear show when you're playing, don't speak too loud/bossy, what to do with your hair. When you're a bit older, the socialization into gendered and sexualized bodily comportment—how you hold yourself wrt your breasts, cocking a hip or swaying hips, putting your hand on your hip™️ during photos, makeup norms. All of these things are explicitly taught/enforced by both adults and peers, but they're also, and to an enormous extent, absorbed through observation and exposure irl and through media.

and we know that autistics often find it difficult/painful to socialize/normalize our bodies. Autistics are less aware of our bodily cues (interoception), often have increased bodily sensory needs (stimming, avoiding certain feelings/textures/fabrics), and have overactive nervous systems. We also are really bad at intuiting the social expectations AND we're unlikely to do things because someone just said to do it ("why? says who? does that make sense?") AND we're often allergic to demands that we perceive to threaten our authenticity or autonomy.

If you put these together... oh. There are so many reasons why autistic people are more likely to be queer (we reject the binaries bc when we interrogate them, they don't pass the bs test, etc), but this suggests to me that we're often also just BAD at performing gender. (Not always! Some autistics study gender and then don it like armor.)

But if you're bad at performing gender, that's inherently going to affect the way you relate to gender both personally and theoretically.

I can't tell you how often little aib was told to put her legs together. It never, ever stuck. Not because I wanted to buck gender norms (at the time), but because there's no way to ever get that rule through my head and into my body. I would never in a million years remember that. And even if I did try in a given moment (bc someone was policing me or because I was wearing a short skirt or something), it would be absolutely EXCRUCIATING to sit "properly"! I could never continue to sit properly if not actively trying to maintain it.

If you've had this experience, how could you not reject gender? It's almost like the entire gendered system is hostile to autistic bodies/minds.

#autism #actually autistic #neurodivergence #gender #genderqueer #female socialization #I am sure this also happens to amab autistics but just speaking from personal experience!

[fagdykepearlescentmoon]

I was trying to think of a metaphor about being queer/lgbtq

I've talked to a lot of cishet people about being part of the lgbtq community and lots of them just Don't get it you know? (thats not to say all of them don't though!) So I was trying to think of some kind of mataphor for growing up being queer, especially in a community that is rather conservative and straight. This is only based on my personal experience and the experiences of other I know irl so it might not fit for everyone but I think it makes some sense.

Your whole life you have lived in a house. Inside that house there is fabric covering the walls. One day the fabric falls off, or you decide to take it off and underneath the walls are wooden.

At first you're excited but more time passes and you go to other peoples houses you notice they don't have wooden walls. Their houses all have plaster walls. Eventually you start to worry if they will think you weird for it, if there is something wrong with it. So you try and hide it when they come over.

Then one day the housing inspector comes. You show him the wooden walls and he tells you yes, there is something wrong. Houses aren't supposed to have wooden walls they're only supposed to be plaster. That you need to put the sheets back up, or better yet remove the walls and replace them entirely. But you cannot change the walls, they are a part of the house, essential to the foundation. Changing the walls would be to destroy the house entirely. So you cover the walls up with posters. You pin the sheets back over, hide them in a mess of colours and distractions. They do not want to be hidden though, it becomes a battle to hide them away from prying eyes.

But then one day you meet someone. And their house has wooden walls too. And someone else with stone walls. And all different kinds of people with different houses. You begin to realise that maybe it's ok for your house to be slightly different. It's still a house after all and a rather beautiful one at that.

#metaphor #poetry #Kinda ig? #growing up queer #just saying words #shitty poetry hours/pos #lgbtq #queer #lesbian #gay #bisexual #transgender #pansexual

[entropy-sea-system]

OK OK impromptu rant but I need to get this out there as I still feel somewhat connected to the aro community-

I have been watching the tags, I've been talking the people in my local a-spec community and I think it amazes me just how incredible the relationships put forth by aro and aces are, while the communities just don't reflect any of it.

I've stopped identifying with the aroallo label because there was no sense of community associated with it. The a-spec spaces are made for aces only and the ace stuff in them is abhorrent. I am tired of people passing it off as repulsion, while still seeing people saying "hookers" are disgusting in a-spec tags. I'm tired of people saying PDA is bad. I'm tired of people acting like aros and aces can only be clueless cinnamon rolls. I'm tired of people being so so so stuck in their own perspective of the world they act like people in romantic relationships can't be happy. So on and so forth.

The concepts we have are passionating. They're the coolest ones I've been exposed to in queer communities. However, nobody thinks about them. Nobody speak about them. All we have is endless messages about how the world is so so confusing or hatred directed at sex and romance. I get that but I wish we went even a tiny bit past that really. It's a community filled with adults that feels so immature and I honestly think there is some sort of self infantilization going on. I don't like that I don't have symbols that aren't associated with uwu smol bean dragon lover stuff. It makes me sick and is why I don't identify with it anymore but it's genuinely sad to see because technically that's still the people who will relate to me the most.

It feels like people are always desperate to understand how the norm works and how they can best align with it instead of fully experiencing their identity. And that's an understandable thing to do but the community is just that with sex and romance negativity sprinkled on top of it.

I wish they were angrier. I wish they were more introspective. I wish they thought about breaking the norms more instead of headcannoning every female character without a love interest as aroace and talking about how gross sex is. I wish I felt like I can connect with the people who are supposed to be at least partly like me.

Anyway you're cool and I hope you're doing well! Sorry to drop all of this onto you but yeah I trust you with my ranty feels about the community.

We didn't really expect this ask but thank you for sending it!!

There are a lot of issues with the aspec community, especially online, (we have no experience with irl ones yet). And what you described here explains the issues with it quite well.

I feel like most of the aspec community ends up catering to mainly aces, and to a lesser extent aros, and slightly to apls, while other atertiary is hardly discussed (and agender ppl often just lump w gender stuff instead even though its aspec). I think the community is also rather divided, personally.

We're in some discord servers w mostly other apls and aros/run by other apl aros (often also romo aro) and they tend to overall be normal about aspec identities without being negative about attractions or actions or gatekeeping aspec labels. Currently we logged off discord a bit but we have in the past been in aro spaces that had many of the issues you mention , and still come across people being that way on tumblr.

I think there is a problem where some aros think that calling romance inherently toxic is somehow "activism" and deny that romance negativity exists, then claim that they "don't have to consider every culture ever" when people state that some cultures are romance negative and do harm people for engaging in romance.

They seem to think its "punching up" and some alloaros in particular try to justify it by acting like the united states is the only country that matters and citing sex negativity as a reason for romance negativity "not existing". When aces do this about sex its harmful, but thats not supposed to be a reason to deny that being romance negative is toxic and harmful to others even if their country doesn't persecute people for engaging in romance.

I also personally see a some aros hesitant to id with ace or acespec terms that technically fit them because of how bad the ace community has been about sex and anyone who isn't ace, as well as aces and aros generally forgetting about atertiary ppl. Some of them prefer terms like lightspec or such or allospec partly because of that.

It's understandable that some people feel a disconnect from labels like aro and ace as a result of how the communities tend to be tbh. I've had moments when I didn't want to id as aro because of this, and I consider myself both aro and alloro due to my arospec orientation.

Also being tertiary repulsed and being repulsed by sex repulsion (it just happens to repulse me a lot to read about even if not stated in a sex negative way), makes it a bit hard to be around other aspecs. I feel really disgusted and triggered when other aros talk about squishes and qprs and friendships, even if I think they should be able to talk about that. Which makes it hard to be around some other aros.

I also get what you mean about people trying to align with the existing norm. I'm seeing a rise in people maligning labels they don't understand and this attitude of "the only kind of weird thats fine is the kind of weird I am", which the aspec community has certainly not been immune to either.

I feel like for some reason most aspecs I see online, especially aros, are minors? Maybe because the aromantic label only really caught on after 2005 iirc so older people less likely to have heard of it? Im not a huge fan of how aspec tends to be infantilised either. I find issues with how some of the aro symbols are very derivative of ace symbols because we are not some extension of ace we're our own community. I can also see how ppl may find it too infantilising to have symbols like frogs and griffons etc.

Also yeah what is with people doing that about characters who are women or girls and express that they don't want to get married??? Or even just don't have a love interest. I understand if aroaces want more headcanoned rep or non-aspecs I guess idk want to fill some headcanon diversity quota without actually supporting aspecs but.

Not wanting marriage or not having a love interest is not inherently equal to not wanting romance and/or sex. I feel especially that people like to assume not wanting to have children means not wanting sex (which I find pretty reductive in that its acting like thats the only reason ppl have sex, especially as a sex favorable person who doesn't want kids). And all aspecs deserve more canon rep to begin with. I think I have a gripe with ppls aspec headcanons almost always being alloace or aroace. It's like they forget other aspecs like apls, alloaros, neu aros, non sam aros, atertiary, etc. even exist!

Additionally I think its partly because romance is emphasized more for female characters that even fans decide to make their interpretations about romance/a lack there of as if its the character's only personality trait. In my opinion its just as obsessive about romance if someone thinks all there is to a character is not engaging in it. I also see people act like they're solely worried a woman/girl character is going to fall for a man/boy character they hc as aro but not often the opposite like. Just say you see romance as gendered/feminine in some way and go I guess lol.

I also feel like mainly allistic non-aspecs do this but when ppl hc an autistic character as ace or aroace it feels infantilising if theres literally no other rationale behind their headcanon. I feel desexualised at times as an autistic and thats mostly bc ppl pick up on some kind of nd thing and they assumed I'm too "innocent" to like romance or sex, or because they view us as "unable to consent"(which can be true of some people if their neurodivergence affects their ability to consent to things even as an adult, but isn't universally true.) . I think some of this perception is also rooted in eugenics (due to people equating sex with having kids and viewing disability and/or neurodivergence as a tragedy and thinking its 'bad' for disabled and/or nd ppl to have kids).

So I don't really appreciate implications that someone is ace just by virtue of being autistic. I think its also unfair to autistic aros and aces because our neurodivergence can influence our orientation, but being autistic does not mean that makes someone inherently ace and/or aro.

My physical disability is relatively mild and less talked about (chronic pain and fatigue), and I don't reveal it to most ppl(ppl who dont live with me won't know I get exhausted from non-taxing to abled ppl activities, and chronic pain is not visible at all and we can't get mobility aids due to not being independent yet) so Im not fully aware how people view my apl and aro identities in that regard.

And there is definitely an issue with aspecs trying to enforce NEW norms. They cry about how people are forced into performing romance and sex to fit in but then turn around and tell people they need to love or have friends or family or pets in order to be a good person. It's also very harmful to aspecs bc some of us are loveless or atertiary etc. in ways that aros and aces apparently hate lol. A lot of aros in particular are very platonormative.

The aro community is also rather hostile to romo aros. There are still people who exclude romo aros from the aro label or act like we have to bend over backwards and acknowledge that we are "amatonormative oppressors" for liking romance or feeling some connection to it.

I think also the meme about putting a box away on a tall shelf away from a child is relevant here. The word amatonormative is constantly misused by a lot of aros. I've seen aros call alloromantic apls "amatonormative" and act like "amatonormative" means 'person who engages in romance'.

Its not a term abt engaging in romance or liking it. It's also not an excuse to pressure people to have or like friends either. I think aros should have actual discussions about amatonormativity that aren't just US-centric and about romance(wow do aros love to ignore that monogamy, non-queer, cis, etc. are social categories deemed more valuable under amatonormative societal norms), instead of using it to describe anyone they deem as interested in romance .

On that note, a lot of them use some examples of toxic relationships as reasons to call romance toxic and almost advocate for romance to never exist(which is especially disgusting to see for me, as in my country a lot romance negative conservative rhetoric is literally worded the same way). These people almost never acknowledge that other relationships like friendship can be toxic too.

I think some of these people believe in 'morality of repugnance' in that they think if its something they personally find repulsive in some way, that means its inherently immoral, which is not conducive to having unbiased views of the world, or critical thinking. I think a lot of ppl my age and younger are especially trying to do this because Ive lost count of how many I've seen be like "ewww thats gross/weird and so its wrong/immoral", and literally spouting conservative rhetoric while thinking they're politically liberal/leftists, perhaps with different wording but yeah. (I think that one tumblr post abt ppl in that age range being 'conservative on accident', especially in the united states- though that is concerning given the way ppl from other countries tend to absorb american opinions and such too much, describes this phenomenon)

I think some aros are also still so caught up in how much of a tragedy they think their aromanticism is, and I feel bad for them but thats not all there is to being aro and its a bit weird when ppl act like it is.

I think one of the best things about being aspec for me is feeling more like I can engage in and not engage in relationships (Im only favorable to sexual partnerships w no label other than 'sexual partner', and romance only w two partners as of now, and completely averse to all tertiary/nonrose. before I fully realised my aspec identities i pressured myself to have friends and felt like I'd be obligated to be favorable to nonsexual romance if someone wanted that with me, to 'be an ally to aces', even though it repulsed me. I also felt obligated to want qprs especially after realising Im aro. Realising Im atertiary helped me stop forcing myself to want nonrose relationships.)

Anyways that was a lot of rambling but probably most of my opinions on the aro and some extent aspec community.

#aspec #aro #also lol if any aspecs see this and disagree w me just block me I dont need the drama #aromantic #actually aromantic #platonormativity #aplatonic #actually aplatonic #alloaro #aroallo #asexual #ace #arospec #queer #aspec community #aro community #atertiary #actually atertiary #nonfriending apl #asks #entropy answers #sonia-wah-wah #apl

[olderthannetfic]

I do think a lot of the problem and the reason that more people (like the ones who seem to think that "top/bottom as myers-briggs personality types" jokes are exclusively coming from female-centric fandom spaces rather than gay male offline culture - which, btw, ignores that a whole bunch if not most female fanfic writers are themselves queer and there's a similar set of jokes and stereotypes in the lesbian community, but I digress) don't seem to understand what offline queer culture is like on here is that way too many of the people setting the tone for this in The Discourse on Tumblr are very young people who are newly out. In particular, a huge amount of the gay men on here who are telling people how very Problematic this is (when they're getting it from gay men and not circular discourse among other women in fandom who are claiming to speak on gay men's behalf) is coming from young gay men who don't have much of a community offline, and especially young gay trans men who often aren't yet presenting as male outside of the Internet. It's really hard to talk about, because it so easily risks saying those people's identities aren't valid - and like, we've seen TERFs weaponize that discourse to suggest that gay trans men involved in fandom are just straight women who identified too hard with their blorbos or something, as well as the endless use of "passing privilege" to suggest that bi people in F/M relationships are "basically straight" - but I think one thing people need to understand better is the difference between "your identity is valid, your personal experiences with homophobia/transphobia/etc. are valid" and "your judgments about the larger community that your identity makes you a member of are valid." Like, you do actually have to participate in a community to be able to be able to talk about what the consensus in it is, what the cultural norms are. You have to actually look up the history in order to know that history. If you're going to speak on behalf of All Gay Men you probably should know some beyond yourself - including ones who are not Very Online and/or aren't active in fandom - and that goes for both cis and trans gay men. (And the same is true for every subdivision of LGBTQ+, I've seen similarly bizarre takes about "lesbian culture" from 17-yro lesbians who clearly haven't talked to any outside of Tumblr and insular, dramatic Discords.)

Like, to use an analogy here to another kind of oppression: say you have a black person who was adopted by a white family very young and lived in an exclusively white neighborhood and doesn't know any other black people. Obviously, they are still black, and obviously they still experience racism (probably especially because they're an outlier in that community). Obviously, their own understanding of their identity and their experiences with racism are valid. But they aren't necessarily going to have any better of an understanding of the broader black COMMUNITY - cultural traditions, history, etc. - than a non-black person who was similarly not exposed to that community. They can only speak for themselves. And someone who isn't black but grew up near/in black communities (for instance, perhaps another transracial adoptee who was adopted by a black couple? or even just a non-black person who grew up in a heavily black neighborhood) might actually have a better sense of that broader community/culture than they do.

And this isn't a hypothetical. I've heard stuff like that about feeling like outliers in black American culture from everyone from the aforementioned transracial adoptees; to multiracial black people who were raised primarily by their non-black family; to black people who are recent immigrants from Africa rather than descendants of slaves; to black people from Europe or other parts of the Americas, who have some similarities in their culture but it's not completely 1:1. And especially from people who are some combo of the above. They have an understanding of themselves as black and of their relationship to race and racism, of course, but don't really feel like they have a particularly strong understanding of The Black Community or The Black Experience as we understand it in the USA.

I think what a lot of people don't understand is that newly-out queer people are often like that. A lot of other marginalized identities - like being a cis woman (this applies less to trans women unless they've known from early on) or being a POC - are ones where you grow up with an understanding of what that means and often a connection to a broader community that gives you some kind of consciousness of what it means to be A Woman or Black or Asian or whatever. But with queerness, it's usually not something you fully understand about yourself until adolescence or adulthood, and even when you do, you don't necessarily have access to a "community" around that until that age because you're probably being raised by cis straight people. You have to take time to discover that community and learn about it, and the culture and history that goes with, and when you start out you're going to be just as ignorant as a straight cis person who is similarly isolated from queer communities. (And frankly, a straight person with a lot of gay friends might know better than you do at first! As a lesbian with a lot of gay male friends, most of whom couldn't care less about my slash fanfic hobby if they even know about it, that's precisely why I know that these takes on Tumblr are so bizarre)

(Disability is the interesting one because it sometimes overlaps with this, sometimes doesn't - and one of the big divides in the community IME is around people who have lifelong understandings of themselves as "disabled" vs. came to it more recently, whether because the disability itself is a new thing or just their diagnosis of it. A lot of people in the second group can have very similar experiences and act in similar ways to newly-out queer people, and I know because I've lived both myself, lol.)

I think people have taken the idea of "everyone is the best expert on their own experience with oppression and their own identity" and distorted that into some weird essentialism where being gay or bi or trans or whatever gives you automatic understanding of "queer culture" or "queer history" without having to do the actual work of talking to people, participating in that community, studying history, etc. but that's just not true. Anyone can study that history and get to know those people. And yeah, as a queer or trans person you'll have a better opportunity to really deeply know and be part of that community than straight cis people with queer friends ever will, but you still have to like. Actually put yourself out there! You're not going to find it by just discoursing in a vacuum of ignorance.

--

Sadly, to all the Olds, this is very, very obvious, but there's no way to make it obvious to the people doing it. It's a matter of experience.