#if Alina was the one who had created the Fold it would be a place where her powers would be useless | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kasagia · 1 year

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I'll be back for you

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/General Kirigan/The Darkling x reader, Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: The Moon Summoner ran away with Alina from the Little Palace with the help of Kaz Brekker's crows. The group successfully escaped from Darkling's hands, but that doesn't mean he will forget about his Y/N. He's going to chase her until she is in his arms again. However, Mr. Brekker did not let his childhood friend disappear without a trace from his life again. He will protect her. For all costs. After all, she was his newest investment. Warning(s): Darkling, Kaz fights haphephobia (but not as severe for him ), reader argues with Baghra, reader has internal moral conflict, curses, fights, and their red aftermath, I used a quote from TVD and The Invisible Life of Addie Laurie because… they fit and I love them veeery much It's my first one-shot for both Darkling and Kaz, so please be gentle (I'm very nervous and excited at the same time to publish it) <3 Word count: 14k (too long, someone should take me away from the keyboard in the middle of this)

~•♤♤♤•~ Part 2 (end) ~•♤♤♤•~

Every night since you escaped with Alina and Genya with the help of your childhood friend Kaz and his crows from Ravka, you've been haunted by nightmares. No. Not the usual horrible flashbacks of your past in Ketterdam or the Little Palace.

HE visited you.

The Darkling. The Black Heretic. The man who promised to keep your heart safe and broke it in two along with your trust.

Genya has a right to warn you about powerful men. But you, the lost girl kidnapped by slave hunters from Ketterdam, the girl who has nothing to lose and was happy enough to somehow end up in the general's tent and find out about being one of the most powerful Grisha, didn't want to listen to her.

You foolishly believed that you, of all people, were able to charm the most dangerous man in all Ravka with your beauty, character and mind.

You believed that sweet words, longing glances and tender moments between you were real, that they meant something.

But it was all just a game. A game that brought him your affection and blind trust. And Kirigan, Darkling, or Alexander played in it like mastermind.

You should have listened to Genya. At least those damn dark eyes wouldn't haunt you every time you closed yours.

With the taste in men you have, you should have predicted that the first guy you hooked up with would be a psychopath. Fate could only be a little bit more favorable to you and not connect you to the hundreds-year-old black heretic who created the fold.

You've always had a weakness for villains and gray characters.

Your first teenage crush only proved it.

Because who else but you would fall in love with a bastard boy from the barrel who started his criminal career with the Dregs, who couldn't stand the touch of other people, and who wanted nothing more in his life than revenge on Pekka Rollins?

If I survive this shit, I really should find someone normal to be with.

You thought before you somehow managed to fall asleep for the first time in a month, hoping that your bond with the Darkling would weaken for those few hours when you tried to find peace.

~•♤♤♤•~

It was pure darkness around you. Not that one when all the lights went out and it's only you and your bed. No. They felt too familiar for you to confuse them with anything else. Those were his shadows.

He must have been near, playing with you as he always had.

You carefully took one step forward. The shadows parted in front of you, so you could see the ground. You bent down to your boot and pulled out a dagger, hiding it behind the sleeve of your blouse. You had to be ready for anything. Even if it meant fighting the shadow lord himself in your own subconscious. You sighed, stepping uncertainly into the darkness.

Your eyes quickly adjusted to the place around you, allowing you to move faster along the path. You recognized this bloody spot. The path in the woods you raced down when he took you for your first ride. Then he dragged you to HIS fountain, telling you nonsense about how it's only here among other Grishas that you discover your true self. He was already weaving his manipulative web around you, and you fell into it like an oblivious fly.

The snap of a twig stopped you. You looked around, not seeing anything at all except for the fountain in the distance. You flinched as his shadows gently pushed you forward.

"I'm not going to play another of your games, General!" you screamed as you spun around, walking forward. If he was already disturbing you, at least he might have had the honor to step out of the shadows.

"Call me Aleksander…"

You shivered as you felt his soft whisper against your neck. You spun, summoning your light and shooting into the space behind you. Unfortunately, it didn't encounter any Black Heretics on its way.

You huffed angrily, continuing your walk until you reached the fountain.

It was different than when he brought you here last time. The engravings have changed. They no longer told the story of the Black Heretic who created the fold. They were of you and Aleksander. Slowly falling in love.

"The union of darkness and his light." you felt your body tremble as the fabric of his kefta brushed your hand.

"I would never have taken you for such a sentimental fool." you turned to face him, taking a step back to increase the distance between you. With a very smug smirk, you noticed that he had dark circles under his eyes. Good. At least the son of a bitch suffers as much as you do. "Especially not after what Baghra had told me."

"My mother has the amazingly irritating gift of ruining my plans. She also doesn't like the people I care about much."

"Hmm… what a pity. Maybe if you weren't planning to use us as weapons in your plans, I'd care more. Also, don't try to tell me that there are people in this world who are more important to you than yourself. We both know I'm not going to fall for it again."

"I understand your resentment." you laughed, shaking your head in disbelief as you turned your gaze back to the fountain. "What's so funny?" you relished every irritated word directed at you. Maybe you couldn't seriously hurt him physically, but at least you could be a pain in his ass.

"I just forgot how easy it is for you to choose words that both tell the truth and work in your favor. Please, continue. I didn't truly laugh for a very long time."

"You're making a mistake." he stood next to you, grabbing your arm to turn you toward him.

You yanked your arm out of his grip as soon as your powers met in that familiar dance of dark and light. You both sighed, stunned by the sudden combination of your powers coursing through your veins. You opened your eyes, which you closed in the flow of the moment, meeting his tender, longing gaze. The man reached out to cup your cheek, but you pulled away from him before your skin had a chance to touch again.

"Funny. That's what I heard from your mother before she made me realize what shit I got into."

"One conversation with my mother, and you're ready to give it all up? Just because she was faster than me? Because she revealed a truth about me that she had no right to? What if I wanted to tell you right after I dealt with the group that wanted to attack you and Miss Starkov?" the grudge in his eyes only fueled your anger. He had no right to resent you for running away from him at the earliest opportunity when he had been hiding this important piece of his past for so long.

"What does it matter, general? None of it was real anyway." you growled, turning your back on him again so as not to reveal your hidden emotions to him. You didn't want him to know that you still cared. Indifference was a worse punishment for him than your wrath.

"So c'mon. Prove your point. Turn around, look me in the eyes, and tell me that you didn't feel anything towards me for even the slightest moment."

You wanted. You really did. To look directly into his soul-black eyes and say that he meant as much to you as the dust under your shoes. However, you both knew very well that it would be just a poor lie. And you both knew each other well enough to know when the other was lying.

"Just because my foolish heart longs for something, it doesn't mean I'll give in to its stupid desires. Wasn't you the one who told me that wanting makes us weak?"

"You should know I've changed my mind by now." the sound of leaves crunching under his boots was the only warning you got before you felt his presence behind you. "You. You are changing my mind."

"Don't tell me I have any influence over you. It's a poor play. You can do better, Kirigan."

"You and I may change the world, Y/N…" you flinched as you heard the exact same words he said here so many months ago. You turned to face him when you felt the coldness of one of his shadows wrapping around your leg. You pointed your dagger at the man standing only one, little step away from you. He didn't seem affected at all as you pointed the dagger at him. He didn't even look at it. His eyes were only on yours. "You may not see it now, too blinded by your righteous, but not entirely fair, anger at me, but deep down, you know that we are destined for greater things than others. You, me, and Alina together can be the strongest creatures in the world."

"You know very well that we never wanted to live like this. Neither of us."

"Do you? Alina maybe doesn't want to be the Saint, but you, Y/N?" you took a step back and another as the black heretic approached you with his every word. He stood in front of you, letting the dagger you were holding in your trembling hands touch his chest. He smiled almost mockingly, seeing that your weapon against him was exactly the same one he gave you on your birthday, provoking your anger again. To spite him, you summoned wispy beams of white light that began to radiate from your hand to chase away his shadows.

"You don't know what I want." you growled, pressing the dagger harder against his heart to remind him that you were in control here. He could sneak into your dreams, but at night you were the most powerful Grisha in this bloody world. And even he had to reckon with your power.

"Yet I still see a desire in your eyes." you shifted your gaze to him, watching him silently and with hostility as his face was illuminated only by your powers. You were disgusted to find that, despite his betrayal, he was still equally handsome to you. "Not only for me but also for my power. You, my little moonlight, you want to be just like me. Strong, powerful, and ageless." he raised his hand deftly, dodging your dagger, and, under your watchful gaze, brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, stroking your cheek as he did so. He took a step towards you, causing you to press the blade against his neck as he got close enough to whisper in your ear. "You can run as far as you want, but you don't run from the truth that's inside you. And when you finally understand what you really want, I'll be there for you, waiting with open arms for my saint moon."

"Have fun waiting for this day, Morozova." you whispered, not giving in to his piercing gaze.

"I am a very patient man, after a thousand years on this earth, you will be too, Y/L/N."

"I'm not you, Aleksander. I don't wanna live forever, and I'm not gonna. I won't see the only people I truly love and care about die before me. Even eternity and unimaginable power are not worth it."

"They're still people you love and who can share this fate with you. Who will live long enough to be with you forever." one of his shadows began to wrap around your hand, forcing you to remove the dagger from his neck.

He leaned closer to you and rested his forehead against yours. You sighed, shivering as the scent of his familiar perfume enveloped you after so many weeks apart. You were tempted to give in to him again. And that dark desire in your heart terrified you more than the capabilities of the Black Heretic caressing your cheek.

"This isn't love. It was just a game. We were just playing a game. The same one you created a long time ago to earn my trust. But I'm no longer that naive girl who is desperate for somebody's attention and love. You made me stronger, crueler, ruthless. And believe me, general, I'll repay you for all you have done."

"You don't believe that. You can't have believed my mother that I am your villain so easily." in other circumstances, where your heart wasn't beating for his, you'd probably laugh at the desperation in his voice. But now that every fiber of you longed for the man before you, there was only one thing you could do.

"Then tell me, Aleksander..." you leaned in to him, rubbing his nose with yours as he closed his eyes and waited for your lips to finally touch after weeks of craving your slightest touch. "Why was I so tempted to do this?" you dug into his tempting mouth, giving you both what you needed.

In your head, you explained this crime against your friends as wanting to do what was originally intended to be your primary goal. The gentle prolongation of your longing, amazing, desperate kiss before you plunged the dagger into his side without the slightest hesitation wasn't your fault at all. Aleksander moaned into your lips, pulling away from you as he felt blood trickle down his side.

"Leave me alone, or I will make myself your villain." you whispered into his mouth before you somehow managed to get yourself out of your "dream".

~•♤♤♤•~

"Y/N?" Alina's soft whisper wakes you up. You opened your eyes, feeling how your chest was burning for fresh air and your heart beating faster than it should. The woman was sitting next to you, holding your hand.

In the corner of your eye, you can see Nina standing in the doorway of the room Kaz graciously assigned to you after you arrived in Ketterdam. You can swear on saints that Inej was looking through your window before she went - probably going to tell Kaz about your fourth nightmare this week.

And it was only Tuesday.

You felt attacked from all sides. If not Inej through the window, then the madmen through the door or in your dreams.

"What are you doing here? It's well after midnight." you asked her, gratefully accepting a towel from Nina to wipe the sweat from your face. Alina and Genya lived far from the club, in motels on opposite sides of the city.

"Just in case someone betrays us. At least one of you will save yourself if the Darkling comes to these parts."

Brekker's brilliant and preventive mind had already terrified you before you stepped off the boat onto the familiar land of Ketterdam. The fact that he thought through and arranged your accommodation before anyone could ask him was either another display of his otherworldly mind or a blatant act of arrogance and overconfidence in his strength against the Darkling. But you knew Kaz too well to assume that he underestimated the power of the Black Heretic even for a moment.

"Nice to see you too. Kaz sent for me."

"Since when does the sun summoner do all the Dreg king's orders?" you asked, making Nina laugh.

"Since the moon summoner is constantly skipping her bedtime. You have to sleep. You can't always be on Jesper's special energetic drinks." she scolded you like a little child, to which you snorted indignantly.

"I will take a gorgeous, lovely, very long nap right after we kill Kirigan. Before then, nobody can make me do that. And tell Kaz I remembered him as braver the last time we saw each other on your way back to the motel."

"We are just worried about you, Y/N. You slept the whole night only once since we left."

"Don't tell me you're surprised. If you were me, you would do the same."

"Maybe. But we both know you're stronger than me. I know you can beat him, and even if you can't do this alone, which I doubt…" she wrapped her hand around yours, making you look into her eyes again. "You must know I will always be by your side, like you by mine. It's you and me against the darkness, Y/N."

"You know, you've spent way too much time on that boat with your toughts. You sound like an old uncle giving good advice or something."

"Speaking of advice, if I were you, I wouldn't insult the only person who can wake you up from… this." Nina waved her hand in a circle, pointing to the miserable state you were in.

"You should see Kirigan. I stabbed him." you replied with a self-satisfied smirk, watching the heartrender gasp in shock and Alina shake her head in disapproval.

"What have I told you about starting unnecessary arguments with him and maiming him?"

"That this is a good way to vent my anger and frustration?" you asked innocently with a huge smile.

Alina drew breath to argue with you, but a knock on the door distracted her. You glanced at Jesper, peering into your room, and wrinkled your nose at the light-burnt sheets you and Alina had left.

"The boss wants you, moon girl."

"Not only him." you murmured, pulling the remnants of the quilt from yourself. You took your clothes out of the closet and turned to the people in the room with your hands on your hips. "Are you leaving or staying for the show?" Alina mumbled a silent apology, blushing in embarrassment as she left, along with a laughing Jesper and an amused Nina.

You sighed as you stood in front of the mirror and brushed away the sweaty hair that was stuck to your face. Thanks to Inej and Kirigan, it looks like you'll have a long conversation with Kaz about your safety again. Your friend was sometimes a bigger pain in the ass than you—an achievement that wasn't granted by you to just anyone.

"I just fucking hope you're writhing in pain right now." you muttered to yourself, not believing for a moment in the sincerity of what you just said.

~•♤♤♤•~

"You wanted me." you entered the Dirtyhands' office without knocking, taking a place of honor on one of the two comfortable armchairs in the room. Kaz didn't look up from his papers, but the slight crease of irritation on his forehead told you he had noticed your presence. You were surprised that, after years of separation, you could still read him easily. "It's rude to ignore your guest."

"It's rude to come in without knocking." he replied to your provocation, tracing something he had just written. You snorted in amusement, seeing that you managed to distract him.

"Well, I didn't come here for no reason. You sent Jes for me."

"Jes?" a diminutive you used for his sharpshooter, has earned the man's attention. He gave you a questioning look, throwing the papers on his desk.

"What? Can't I make a friend other than you?"

"I'm your boss." he hummed, getting his cane up from his desk and walking to his dresser. You rolled your eyes as you watched the man's back. The son of a bitch knew perfectly well that you hated it when he didn't look at you during a conversation.

"Sure, if it helps you sleep, tell yourself what you want, Brekker."

"You live at my club, sleep here, eat with my crows, and waste my time taking some useless gossip from downstairs." he enumerated, turning over his things and searching persistently for something.

"And I'd been doing this for four years before you became Mr. Scary Dirtyhands from the Barrel. You just proved my point, Kazzle. We are friends."

You got up from your chair and stood next to him. You glanced at the contents of his drawer and frowned, noticing something familiar. You reached for a small silver box with his REAL initials on it, but the man slammed the drawer shut before you could get your hands on the find. You snorted indignantly as you noticed the smug smirk on his face as he nearly clipped your fingers for your meddling.

Kaz Brekker was sentimental enough to keep the ashtray you gave him.

You involuntarily remembered what you told him when you handed it to him.

"I know you don't smoke and don't celebrate your birthday, but I think that's a pretty nice metaphor and the closure you need."

"What? An old ashtray from the market? Which you probably swept from under the noses of some heavy smokers."

"No, genius, in case you haven't noticed, it has a special engraving. Read it."

"For K.R., let him rest in peace. What's that supposed to mean?"

"You can consider it what you want. A keepsake of your former self, a lost life you might have had, an urn for the ashes of your former self... we both know you're not the same man you used to be. And you have every right to be, Kaz. It's just... I think you deserve something commemorating your old self. The boy who stole half-rotten apples with me to survive. Now you are someone else—someone stronger, wiser, cunninger... but know that I will never forget Kaz, who was my only light when I was at my worst."

"That's pretty sentimental for you. Also, calling me light is not quite an appropriate metaphor." he replied coolly, returning to his book.

You nodded to him, saying goodbye. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw him stroke a silver object for a moment and put it in his pants pocket. You smiled. Apparently, you weren't the only sentimental fool in Ketterdam.

"Then, as my friend, you won't mind telling me about that strange connection between you and the Darkling that keeps you from sleeping without threatening to set my club on fire with your dazzling moonlight?" he asked, snapping you out of your flashback.

"No, because, as my friend, you won't be nosy, and out of politeness, you won't ask."

"I anticipated this reaction. That's why I got this." a velvet ring box magically appeared in his hands.

"Are you going to propose to me? Oh, Kazzie, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this! You don't have to kneel, sweetheart. We can call Jes, and he'll do it for you. It's a perfect opportunity for him to practice before asking Wylan."

"Can you be serious for just one moment, please?" he asked, blushing slightly and trying to give you one of his famous menacing looks.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. Besides, you could have foreseen in that plan of yours that I would never waste such an opportunity."

"Just open it." he sighed, tossing you the box. Too curious to find out what was inside, you decided to leave the poor boy alone and refrained from commenting further. You widened your eyes as you saw the real ring. "What? No enthusiastic and loud: "Yes, Kazzie, I'll marry you!", so my crows can tease me about it too? To be honest, I'm disappointed, Y/N."

"Well, I could have been joking about it when I didn't have a ridiculously beautiful ring in front of me. Sorry that I'm a little confused, Kaz."

"It's good you like it, but I'd rather know if it works as it should. Put it on your finger."

"As romantic as always." you murmured, trying on a silver ring with an opal and small diamonds around the stone. You raised your hand and, by using your power, increased the light reflected by the moon that was still in the sky so it could illuminate your new jewelry. "It's beautiful, but I have absolutely no idea what it is supposed to do."

"Protect you." you glanced back at Kaz, only to discover that he had been staring at you the entire time. The white sparkles in his eyes caused by your light captivated you more than the shining diamonds. You shook your head, remembering what happened the last time you gave in to your stupid crush.

"Protect me?"

"I've been doing some research with Alina and Nina about the bond between you and him, the amplifiers… we believe this will weaken the bond between you enough for you to sleep peacefully. He will not enter your mind uninvited." he said, spitting out the words about the Darkling like he was a plague. But you were more interested in something quite different from his open dislike of the Black Heretic.

"Why? Why are you getting through all of it for me? It's not your war to fight. You have no interest in it."

"I have. Since I got you out of the Little Palace, you've been my investment. And I protect everything I invest in and what's worth my time. No matter what."

"You do realize I won't bring you any profit? Alina would be a better choice than me." you questioned his choice. Kaz turned to the window, as if looking for Inej, whose arrival would interrupt this uncomfortable conversation.

Unfortunately for him, the saints had no watch over him. And one of them was waiting for him to gather his thoughts and answer her question. He had to do this without betraying the emotions that had been bubbling up inside him since he had first seen her at one of the Dreg's raids. He was lost the second he saw her and completely fated to love her after their first conversation.

But she couldn't know it.

She couldn't know that his heart was gone with her and that it took him ages to find himself after she disappeared. He promised himself to keep her away from him. To make sure he wouldn't fall for her beauty, mind, eyes, smile, and laugh like he had done as a child. But the second he saw her again, he knew that his heart was hers. Hers to keep, hold, break, play.

But she couldn't know it.... At least not now. Not when he had just snatched her from the Darkling's grasp.

Not when he wasn't ready to love her the way she should be loved.

"That's for me to evaluate and for you to make sure I won't regret this. Besides, I only invest in one-of-a-kind. I don't need more narcissistic saints to go into my office like it was their own." he said after a long silence, without taking his eyes off the window.

He was afraid that his eyes would betray the truth hidden in his stupid heart. He was grateful to all above that she wasn't a heartrender and couldn't feel his treacherous heart beating madly every time he looked at her. He just had to make sure Nina didn't reveal his little secret. He didn't know that the woman had been blackmailed into a similar case by the moon summoner.

"So I'm pretty lucky. I would die if I had to sleep on those inconvenient motel beds."

"Considering how much sleep you actually get, you're unlikely to notice a difference." you gasped, feigning indignation at the mischievous, amused tone of his voice.

"You're a cruel bastard, Kaz Brekker." he finally turned to you with a small smirk on his face. You giggled, only widening his smile.

"Go and check your ring. I hope you won't be threatened by any ugly faces."

"Yes, boss." you saluted, walking towards the door. You opened it and were about to leave when an idea popped into your head. You leaned against the door frame, looking at the man taking his place at the desk. "Kazzie?" you asked sweetly, biting your lip to keep from laughing too soon. The Bastard of the Barrel gave you a questioning look, fearing the familiar tone of your voice and the question coming. "As your fiancée, am I going to get half of your club?"

"Over my dead, cold body." he replied without a second of hesitation, perfectly prepared for such a provocation from your side.

"You know, you need to work on sharing if you plan to be husband material in the future. I feel sorry for your future spouse, unless it'll be your job."

"Go to sleep before I put you in bed myself."

"You should know better than to scare me with a good time, sweetheart!" you shouted back, leaving and pushing your way through the crowd of a few shocked Dregs who had probably heard the part about the fiancée and whom Kaz called to his office as soon as he saw them.

And as soon as he is done with them, Kaz will rip your legs out of your pretty ass. Even Alina and Nina will not be able to help you.

~•♤♤♤•~

The ring worked great. From that night on, you slept like a baby every day. The Darkling's face appeared only occasionally in your nightmares (both bloody ones and… more pleasant ones). But it wasn't REALLY him. Just a messed-up version of your sick imagination.

In the meantime, you trained with Alina and Nina (the woman needed the presence of other Grishas in Brekker's gang; besides, she was an amazing friend, and she also made wonderful waffles); you developed your powers; and you two gossiped with Genya, as she changed your looks every week so that no one would accidentally recognize you (by the way, you learned that David was heading this way to reunite with the love of his life).

You became close to Jes (you had the honor of being trained with HIS PISTOLS) and Inej, whose comforting company was invaluable (as well as the rooftop stealth lessons. Kaz cursed her after the first time you scared him by climbing through his office window and giving you a barrier. Of course you had your mind, and you didn't listen to him. Your unexpected visits to his office only became more frequent.)

So you could say that everything was on its way back to normality.

But it wasn't. Because one fine day, when the crows, Kaz, you, Alina, and Genya were eating breakfast at his club, someone showed up at your door.

Someone you didn't want to see more than the Darkling himself.

"What the fuck is she doing here, if I may culturally ask?" Alina gave you an apologetic look as Baghra walked casually into the crows' kitchen like she belonged here. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kaz taking any sharp metal objects from the table that you might have used to attack the woman.

You and Baghra had a rough relationship. Due to the fact that you and Aleksander were something, the woman did not look at you very favorably. You had no intention of fawning over a woman who wanted to kill her own son, either. Maybe your feelings for the Darkling were... unclear, but you wouldn't wish anyone, not even your worst enemy, a mother who was willing to stand against her own child, to spurn him instead of doing... anything to help him out of his darkness. It was not in line with your moral views. But no one here seemed to care since they invited the mother of Satan to your table.

"It's nice to see you too, Y/N."

"I don't even have enough respect for you to lie to you and admit that seeing you didn't ruin my day. I will ask one last time..." you got up from the table, shielding Kaz and the crows as you summoned your power. "What are you doing here?"

"My son is looking for you all over the world, do you think I won't try to get to you first before he does?"

"Oh, you've already shown how much you care about outdoing Kirigan in reaching us. I'm asking you, what do you want from us?"

"I came here for you. Because of you, child." you stiffened slightly, wondering what else the old woman had to say. But you would die before admitting that Baghra's help would be invaluable to your little band of rebels. Your pride was both your greatest strength and weakness.

"Well, excuse me, but I have more important things to do than listen to some old lady's ravings. I haven't finished my breakfast yet, and I'm far too sober for another conversation about how everyone wants to use me as a weapon."

"Every day I'm less surprised by how you ended up with my son. You two are a perfect match for each other." she snapped, annoyed at your indifferent attitude.

"I'd suggest you get to the point. You were the one who wanted to meet with us. As our moon summoner mentioned, we don't have to listen to you. And trust me, I have absolutely no intention of stopping her when she wants to kick you out of my club." Kaz stood next to you, measuring the woman with a watchful gaze.

You were proud that he believed in your and Alina's powers and wasn't afraid to provoke the shadow summoner in your presence. You cast a fleeting glance at him, watching as Baghra gave him an appraising look.

"Mr. Breaker. It would be better for you and your club if work with the summoners of the sun and moon ended in Ravka. You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"I never make ill-considered decisions, and certainly not out of fear." he replied with his poker, business face.

"This is only a trait of the greatest winners or greatest losers."

"You don't have to worry about him. Mr. Brekker is always on the winning team." you answered for him, having had enough of this woman. Unfortunately, it looked like she wouldn't be leaving you so soon.

"Turn that light out, girl, before the Grishas swarm here. I won't hurt your boyfriend and his friends." you frowned as you heard Jes coughing in the background, trying not to laugh. With a wave of your hand, the white light around you vanished. You watched in displeasure as a smirk began to form on Baghra's lips.

"He is/I am not my/her boyfriend." together with Kaz, you both uttered these words as Baghra pushed past you. This caused you to turn to one another and exchange equally awkward, perplexed looks.

"Whatever, just get your lovebird butts over here." she murmured as she unfolded the map on the table and took a few items out of her bag. You snorted at seeing a small wooden statue of Aleksander.

It was going to be a long and tiring morning.

~•♤♤♤•~

"We have to hurry before your boy gets here. Good thing he is walking with the cane, at least it keeps him from sneaking up on us." Baghra growled at you. She'd only been here a week, and she'd already ruled everyone. You were no longer surprised at where Aleksander inherited his incredible self-confidence and arrogance.

"For the love of God, I'm telling you for the last time, KAZ IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. Besides, if I were you, I wouldn't underestimate him. You could actually learn from him. You'll need a cane soon, too."

"Can you two just stop arguing for once and focus on the task at hand?" the sun summoner lingered, following you to the basement of the Crow Club.

"I'm sorry, Alina, that I'd rather banter with that witch than figure out how to seduce her son, lull his guard down, pluck the antlers of a wonderful steg out of his hand, and break the link between us once and for all."

"Start by undoing a few buttons on your blouse and letting your hair down; that should be enough for him to lose his mind." she advised you, making you and Alina shudder, both equally abashed.

"Seriously?" you asked mockingly, giving her a disgusted look. Nevertheless, you followed the woman's suggestion. "What is the next step? Shall I wear some nice underwear?"

"Not necessarily, but it would be nice to take off that ring. I doubt Aleksander would appreciate that someone other than himself gave you such gaudy jewelry." you snorted, taking off the only thing keeping the Darkling from crossing the walls of your mind.

You bypassed Baghra's outstretched hand and handed the ring to Alina. The older woman snorted indignantly at what you stuck your tongue out at. She didn't expect you to trust her with anything, even something as small as Kaz's ring, right?

"Done. What's next?"

"You need to make a connection. Every time he thinks of you or you think of him, you seek each other out and make a link. Imagine his face, voice, and silhouette; recall some memory associated with him; do anything to have him in front of your eyes. It should work and take you to where he is now. Just like when you two were getting into each other's dreams before Mr. Brekker gave you this ring."

"I did not seek him of my own free will. It just happened." you defended yourself, not wanting anyone to think you were looking for the Darkling like a lost puppy.

"You know him. He will continue to invade your thoughts and your life to convince you of the error of your ways and choices. This ring can work now, but what happens when you two get stronger in the future? It will stop working. You will be condemned to endure his pervasive presence. In the morning, afternoon, nights, and midnights. He won't let you go. Never. You cannot extract the stag from your own body. So you must find a way to block him permanently. Not by some magic ring."

You sighed, realizing she was right. You will be free of him only when any bond between you is gone. The only thing you were afraid of was that it existed between you and the Darkling long before you killed the stag...

Darkness and its light. Moon and shadow. Destined to be together. United at the end of the day.

"And what if I fail and he chokes me, stabs me, or just uses the cut on me?"

"We will observe the energy around you. If we see too many shadows or your light, we'll pull you out."

"All right. Let's get this over with." you sat down, leaning against the wall of the Crow Club basement, praying to all of Inej's mighty saints that your plan would work.

You closed your eyes, remembering the moment before your big performance at the winter fete.

You had to pretend that you didn't know Kaz, and then you had no idea what he was doing here wearing one of the soldiers uniforms. He promised to explain everything to you, but then Aleksander came.

"I'll take her from here." he said to Kaz, letting him know that he was no longer needed.

But he has not left you. Aleksander ignored him, examining your kefta carefully. It was beautiful. Genya decorated it with silver threads and embroidered stars and moons in different phases. However, the fact that probably delighted him the most was its black (but actually dark navy blue) color. But he didn't care about the true color of your kefta as long as it looked black to any other observer.

A clear signal that you were his moon.

"I have something for you." he whispered as he leaned closer to you so that your noses were practically touching. He pulled something shiny out of his sleeve. He held the silver chain up to your eye level so you could see the pendant. Moon with a star. You shifted your gaze from the shiny object to those mesmerizing black eyes staring at you in pure adoration. "I know you're practically festooned with these symbols, but I wanted you to know..." he interrupted, brushing your hair over one shoulder so he could place the necklace over your neck. He planted a quick, tender kiss on your nape as he clicked the silver jewelry. "That you're not just a Saint Y/N, summoner of the moon. You're mine moonlight in the worst darkness of mine. My hope and peace. The only light I let through my shadows."

You grabbed the pendant, noticing your initials carved into the back of the moon.

"It's beautiful." you turned in his arms to whisper in his ear, making him shiver as you kissed his earlobe. "Aleksander..."

~•♤♤♤•~

You opened your eyes.

A dim light illuminated Kirigan's war room.

You did it. Now all you had to do was seduce him. Piece of cake.

You let yourself watch him flick through some papers, wrinkling his nose and occasionally running a hand through his hair. The exact same one with the stag antler still stuck in it. You shook your head, remembering your task. You had to outsmart him. And in such a wise way that it didn't cross his mind that you might have bad intentions towards him.

"Aleksander." you whispered as you stepped out of the shadows. The man either really didn't notice you or he was a brilliant actor, judging by the pure shock that painted his face the moment he turned to meet your gaze. "You seem surprised to see me."

"I am." his mask of indifference and self-confidence quickly fell back into place. "But perhaps I shouldn't be. I should have known you'd prove to be an apt pupil. Not many can learn that trick." he placed the papers on the desk and leaned against it. "But after our last meeting, I had the impression that you didn't want to see me again. What changed your mind to seek me out?"

"I hate to say this, but I realized you were right."

"How so?" he began to watch you with interest, too curious to know what you were going to say to repay you for stabbing him last time. The fact that he didn't pounce on you with his shadows the moment he saw you gave you an odd sense of confidence. Maybe you could have made it.

"I was meant for more. And you were the first person to see me as I truly am. First to help me realize what I'm meant for. First to tech me how to use my power and how to see it as something more incredible than terrifying. First to see, I was more than a scared little girl. That I was powerful Grisha and I can do anything I want." with every word you said and every step you took towards him, you could see his mask crack open, revealing his true emotions. However, there was still a shadow of uncertainty and suspicion in his eyes. You had to remove it if you wanted to win this battle.

"Was I? And what about Alina? Or your helpful friends that take you away from Little Palace?" you hoped you didn't show that his words affected you. You were afraid that somehow he might have discovered a little help from Kaz and his crows.

"They… they don't understand the power growing within me. I thought that Alina might share my feelings, but … it seems to me that we understand our possibilities completely differently when it comes to our powers. And my friends… I think they're more afraid of what I can do than admire it as… as you did."

"That's not their fault. I did try to warn you. Tried to explain that with so much power that flows in our veins, usually comes fear from the side of our loved ones."

"I know. I think I'm starting to finally understand that now." you took one slow step towards him, feeling his watchful gaze on you. "There are no others like us, and they never will be. We are connected by our powers. Alina can live without us, but you and me… you and me are destined to work together and to stand by our sides. There is no darkness without light, but it's the moon that brings it into the night and that lives among the shadows, working with them… Like calls to like, right, Aleksander?"

In his eyes, you could see how much he wanted to believe you, how much he wanted the words you said to be true... but you knew that Aleksander lived too long to believe only empty words. He needed conclusive proof that you were on his side and that you were only his moon. And you had to convince him somehow.

"As I delighted as I am that you found your way to me, what do you want?"

"That thing that binds us. I think you fear it more than you actually care to admit."

"I fear everything there is to fear; it makes me strong. I understand things about power that you've had years yet to learn, moonlight."

"Well, as you said, with a good teacher, I'm a very apt pupil. But I think we both know… that it's not all about power, though, is it?" you walked the distance between you two and stood chest-to-chest with him. "What about the other bond we share? That one I was avoiding for too long." you slowly cup his cheek, making him close his eyes at the touch of your soft skin. You tenderly stroked one of his black scars on his cheek, which made the Black Heretic sighe in relief. "I want you, Aleksander." he opened his eyes, looking at you in disbelief when he tried to seek any sight of lies on your face. "And being in your presence terrifies me as much as making me feel… like I finally belonged somewhere. Like I was made by saints to be next to you. It felt... right in some crazy way."

"Love is for madmen, Y/N. And I've already told you…" you shivered as his cold fingertips touched the hot skin of your neck. His fingers went to the silver necklace—your only sin against your friends. He took the pendant in his hands and kissed it, not taking his eyes off yours. "You're my moonlight. Nothing has changed, and I doubt it ever will... for both of us."

You pulled him by the hair to connect your lips in a long-awaited kiss, too annoyed with how long you had to work him out. (Or too scared that his words are true.) You moaned as he bit your lips, and in one sweeping motion, he scooped you up off the floor and sat you on his desk.

He pulled away from you, dropping his kefta on the floor, and went back to kissing you as if you were the only one that mattered in this world. But the next amplifier's whereabouts map you laid on as he kissed your soul out of you was a glaring reminder that you could never have truly had him.

You would never be his first choice.

"Forgive me for stabbing you, then." you whispered into his mouth as you broke apart for a moment to catch your breath. He pressed into you more fervently than before, caressing your waist tenderly.

"I will have kissed these tempting, sweet lips, even if it means I'll get stabbed by you, every time I do it."

That was good to know, you thought, throwing your arms around his shoulders and slowly pulling out the dagger from your sleeve as he continued to kiss you greedily, like he wanted to sate himself with you while he still had you in his arms.

"Your words, not mine." you murmured, catching his mouth with yours while driving the dagger into his hand. He snarled, breaking away from you and trying in vain to yank the metal out of your hand. You tried to pry the last stag's bone out of him.

But suddenly, just as you were about to do it, you find yourself back in the basement of the Crows Club.

You were breathing fast, frantically looking around the room. Kaz was kneeling a step away from you and watching you worriedly as you tried to calm down.

From the cane that was on your leg and his firm grip on your arm, you figured out pretty quickly why you suddenly came back. You yanked your arm from his hand in your anger, forgetting his phobia of touch and how much of an achievement it was for him to hold your arm.

"What the hell, Brekker?! I had him! I could end this right there! UGH! Why did you let him break our connection?!" you screamed in frustration, looking resentfully at Alina and Baghra.

"You nearly blew yourself out with your power, and they couldn't bring you back."

"I had it under control, Kaz!"

"Oh, really?" he asked mockingly, struggling to his feet with the help of his cane and walking over to you with equal anger painted in his eyes. "Because it didn't look good from my point of view. You could have blown up the whole club..."

"Of course you would only care about your stupid, fucking club! Forgive me, Dirtyhands. Next time I'm going to save the damn world from the Darkling, I'll pick up a place other than one of your fucking bases!" you yelled at him, pushing past a shocked Alina and Baghra.

"Y/N, come back here!" he shouted after you. The distinctive sound of his cane told you he was following you.

"I'm not your fucking property, Brekker! I can go anywhere I want!" you screamed, running as fast and far for him as you could, thanking everyone above that Brekker wasn't able to catch up with you. You needed a moment to yourself. And you only knew one place in all of Ketterdam where you could be truly alone.

~•♤♤♤•~

For a long time, you hated harbour. It was a reminder of your weakness—a reminder of a girl who got kidnapped by slave hunters. Then you met Aleksander and became one of the strongest Grisha. From then harbour was for you to remind you of the birth of Saint Y/N. Moon summoner. It was funny for you to see how easy it is to get on the ship and go anywhere you want. Be anyone you want. But you don't have this choice anymore. Not until your past stops chasing you whenever you close your eyes.

"I knew you'd be here." Kaz's voice below you made you shiver, but you didn't grace him with your gaze. "You'd be too merciful to me by choosing an easily accessible spot, wouldn't you?" he grumbled as he clambered next to you on the crates of goods. He sighed as he managed to climb up. He tossed his cane, catching it spectacularly and resting it against the crate beneath you. He leaned forward, staring out at the harbour with you, when the wind blew his hair, messing up his always perfectly styled hairdo.

"Nobody made you follow me around, Kazzle." you murmured, casting a fleeting glance at him, grinning mischievously at how tired he was of climbing crates. Someone here was in bad shape. Brekker must sit with these plans and papers for too long.

"I did." you turned your head to meet his piercing gaze. "I already told you. I take care of my investments."

"Maybe you're making a mistake."

"I'm never mistaken. I know when and how much to invest in something valuable."

"But what if I'm a lost cause? What if you're wrong this time? Why do you think I'm done with the Darkling? Me and him have so much in common... what if I become like him? Are you not afraid? That one day, in my naiveté, I'd decide Kirigan was worth a second chance and betray you? That one day I'll stop controlling my power and that I'll hurt you? How can you sit here so calmly and..."

"Because I know you better than myself. I may not believe in saints, but I believe in you, Y/N. I will always believe in you."

You swallowed, looking down in embarrassment. You didn't deserve this.

"I get caught up in it sometimes. That I return with memories to the Little Palace. I wonder what I could have done differently to prevent all this. How could I reason with him, what could I do to dissuade him from his plans. How to behave, what to say out loud, and what to keep to yourself. And I'm furious with Baghra that, being his mother, she didn't fight for him to the end; she gave up before we could do ANYTHING for him together. And I curse myself every time I feel guilty, knowing that I left him utterly alone. So tell me, Kaz, knowing now all these doubts growing within me, do you still believe in me?"

The killing silence told you everything you wanted to know.

"Come on. Go right ahead, Kazzie. Call me a fool, an idiot who wants to believe that everyone deserves someone close, someone they can trust. Who stupidly believes in giving people a second chance." you said, afraid to look up to see the revulsion in the eyes of the only person you could always count on.

Kaz said your name, but you ignored him completely, feeling tears slowly welling up in your eyes. Suddenly you felt the cold steel crow's head of his cane under your chin. Brekker forced you to look into his eyes. And you thanked all the saints for the tenderness that was still present in them.

"You know, I don't think that about you. You are a Grisha. The moon summoner. The only beacon of hope in the darkness. I think that in your job description lies faith even in the most deprived, lost, and broken souls."

"I didn't know that poetic side of you, Brekker."

"I've changed since the last time you saw me."

"Really?" you asked, nodding at his gloves and cane. He caught your eye, gripping the crow's head tighter. "Hey. You have every right to do that, Kaz, okay? I was kidding, and I didn't know it was still a sensitive subject. I'm sorry. Apart from that, I can name more. For example, you still have a stick in your ass when it comes to pranks. It was too easy to get on your nerves with Jes." you said, trying to make a joke to lighten the atmosphere.

"Looking now at you, it's better for humanity that you haven't become a saint. Saints, protect some wretch who would have asked you for help." you smiled at him, glad he understood your intentions.

"Now, I feel hurt, Kazzie. Wouldn't you pray to me if they hung my holy image up here somewhere?" you asked, offended, putting your hand over your heart.

He knew he would spend hours, days, and weeks praying to her, only to see her face again and hear the voice of the Saint of his heart...

"No. No saint has ever watched over me. It wouldn't make sense to pray to you either. Especially since I knew you personally before you became a mighty Grisha."

"Well, I'm no saint yet, but since I'm your newest investment, I guess that means I'm supposed to serve you in some way. And since I'm not going to be your errand dog or spy crow, I guess a good compromise would be if I became your bodyguard. Then you can't say that there's no saint watching over you."

"I don't need a guardian angel."

"It's good then that I'm far from being an angel." you stared at each other, the wind blowing your hair, as you enjoyed the understanding between you and the unspoken acknowledgment of your closeness.

Kaz Brekker could not have a weakness. This city would use it against him very quickly. But he felt that perhaps his weakness could be powerful enough to be his greatest asset instead of his darkest burden. Maybe he didn't have to worry about her that much.

"Ketterdam was boring without you. It was also harder to work without your… skills." he said uncertainly, averting his gaze from your piercing, mesmerizing eyes.

"Is that your way to tell me you missed me?" you were teasing him and pushing his cane. He almost fell over when you broke his only support. You almost couldn't prevent yourself from laughing.

"We could have gained much more kruge if you had been here."

"I didn't want to leave." you whispered, involuntarily remembering the day they kidnapped you.

"I know." he leaned towards you, forcing you to look into his eyes. "You don't have to worry about them. I made sure they were six feet deep underground before you even set foot in Ketterdam." your heart warmed at the thought that he was chasing them for you.

He made sure you were 100% safe and comfortable before he brought you back home. Home. You didn't think you'd find him among the crows, thieves, and the Dreg Club. You didn't think you'd feel this way about him—one of the men whose lifestyle was far from normal and safe.

"You're getting soft in your old age, Brekker." you replied with a half smile, holding back unwanted tears. You weren't that weak girl anymore. You were Grisha. And thanks to the man sitting next to you, you were (almost) free. You grabbed his cane, right next to the crow's head, where Kaz's hands were. His gaze flicked to where your hands were so close together. He turned his head to meet your watery eyes. "Thank you, Kaz. For everything. It means a lot to me. Even if it was foolish to break into the Darkling's palace and kidnap us like sacks of potatoes."

"It was the perfect plan! Nobody noticed us." he was indignant, immediately defending his action.

"Yeah, but what I and Alina get hit with every time Jesper and you steer that wooden cart over rocks is ours. You could really choose a path that wasn't made of stones."

"Next time, it's up to you to make a plan to escape the 500-year-old shadow summoner. We'll see how you do." he snorted, offended, but didn't move an inch. Contrary. His hand moved closer to yours, wrapping precariously around yours on his cane.

"Less than a week back in Ketterdam, and you're already letting me into your plans? Aww, I love you too, Kazzie."

He would give all the kruge of this world to hear those words from you for the rest of his life... and it surprised him that he wasn't afraid to admit it to himself at all.

"And I almost forgot how annoying you can be."

"Don't worry. I have all the time in the world to shrink your inflated ego and remind you of that, boss." Kaz held his breath. He stared at you searchingly, trying to find in your face the answer to whatever question he was asking in his head. You unknowingly scooted closer to each other so that your shoulders rested against each other.

You were much closer to each other before. Kaz (on his good days) even felt comfortable hugging you for a while. After years apart, you thought it would take ages for him to get used to your presence again and the brief touch without going underwater with Jordi.

But you were here. Holding hands, leaning against each other, and staring into each other's eyes.

You shivered as you felt his breath against your cheek when he leaned a little closer to you, testing his border.

"You're shining." he whispered softly, hypnotized, afraid to break the silence between you.

"What?"

"Your eyes are shining." his trembling hand took your cheek as you were watching him speechless. Even in your wildest dreams, you wouldn't suppose he would hold you like that. He truly changed. He beat Pekka, and now the King of Ketterdam was fighting with his demons. You were so proud of him and also sad that you weren't with him at the beginning of his road to healing. "And the light is coming out of your skin. You're shining like a star for lost souls."

"You're not lost... not anymore." you whispered, your voice trembling, fully understanding what he had left unsaid.

"I was. But now the moonlight is lighting up Ketterdam's darkness again."

"Kaz... I..." you held your breath, staring at him in anticipation. You didn't know what for. All you knew was that taking your eyes off him for even a second was an unforgivable crime.

Your noses were almost touching, your lips were the closest you've known each other. And Kaz was as calm as if he'd never had a haphephobia. As if the situation with Jordi never happened. You were afraid his waters would finally rise, interrupting your moment, but as soon as your foreheads touched, all the logical thoughts in your head went to hell. It was just you and him.

And you would still enjoy that closeness if the sound of breaking glass and Jesper's curses hadn't driven you apart.

"Here you are! How the hell did you get in there?! Get down! We're leaving in half an hour!" Jesper shouted to you from below and disappeared as quickly as he appeared. You cleared your throat, realized what Jes said after a long moment.

"We are leaving?" you asked, surprised. Bastard didn't say a word about going anywhere.

"Yes. I'll explain everything to you on the ship." he gave you a brush-off as he began his downward journey.

"On the ship? Kaz, what have you planned?!" you shouted angry as you followed him.

~•♤♤♤•~

"This is the dumbest plan ever made, and believe me, I've been to more than one of his idiotic ideas." you said, pointing at the offended Kaz.

Your great friends (and Baghra) have decided to sneak into the Darkling's palace, steal his maps and war plans, and set the Little Palace on fire.

You started to doubt their good sanity... or sobriety.

"Sooner or later, we have to sneak in there. Aleksander has stolen from me all the books and records of our ancestors; he is in possession of immense power, and we can not allow him to make use of it." you clenched your fists, almost ready to pounce on the woman for revealing the Darkling's true name.

"Who is Aleksander?" you ignored Kaz's question, nervously twirling the ring he gave you on your finger.

"Was he able to steal something from YOU? And you let him do it? How surprised I am."

"What are you implying?"

"I implying that we are in some huge coach driven by your men, leaving Ketterdam on your initiative and entering the lion's mouth because you said so. In my place, you'd be suspicious too."

"The odds of me betraying you are as high as the odds that you will."

"And why is that?" you hissed, furious at how easily she got on your nerves.

"Aleksander has a knack for manipulating people. A few sweet words, and even your boyfriend won't be able to count on your devotion anymore."

"Watch your mouth. I'm not her boyfriend." Kaz growled, tensing up next to you, thereby stopping your quarrel. Baghra shrugged, continuing her quiet conversation with Alina. In your mind, you were planning the old lady's slow death until someone's hand grabbed yours in a strong grip.

You turned your head towards Kaz. He stared blankly out the window, completely ignoring your gaze. Instead, he started drawing circles on your palm, trying to calm you down somehow. You turned your head in the opposite direction, smiling to yourself at the tender gesture. Unbeknownst to you, Kaz had the same smirk as yours on his face.

The rest of the trip to the city was uneventful. As planned, Alina and you stayed in Baghra's secret stash while the rest went off to play heroes. Your job was to distract the Darkling, and Alina was supposed to watch over you.

You'd agree to their plan if your role wasn't just to stand by while others risked their lives trying to get the information you all needed.

But you decided not to argue with the others about it this time. After all, they couldn't control you once you got into the palace. You might as well have snooped around, looked for what you needed, and done most of the work for them. Closing your eyes and getting ready to connect with the Darkling, you only hoped that your little disobedience would go unnoticed.

~•♤♤♤•~

You just finished searching Kirigan's study, war room, and bedroom. You were on your way to the last room - the library, when you bumped into the one person you wanted to avoid.

You were paralysed as soon as you saw him walking down the hall. You hoped he wouldn't look in your direction, but the general (alert as always) glanced at you briefly before disappearing from your view. You had the faintest hope that he would think you were a vision, but all of it vanished when you felt a hand gently wrap around your neck and pin you against the wall.

"You either have too much free time or you enjoy haunting me at random times, little moon." you didn't answer, too scared that the moment he touched you, all your power took on a life of its own, merging with his shadows, as it usually does when your skins meet for the first time after a long separation. You were defenceless. Kirigan frowned, watching you with growing interest. "Speechless? Not any irritating responses? Do you fear me, Y/N?" his taunts brought you to your senses, forcing you to calm down immediately. You couldn't wait for Alina to be rescued. You had to fight him yourself.

"That's what you want, isn't it? To have everyone and everything under control, too scared to say or do anything against you."

"Fear is a powerful ally and also loyal."

"Not as loyal and lasting as love, trust, respect." you tried to break free from his grip, but all attempts to remove his hand from your neck proved futile. You were lucky that instead of tightening the grip and cutting off your air, he just wrapped his other arm around your waist, pulling you closer so that your faces were mere millimetres apart. "We could have had it, Aleksander. All of it. All you had to do was set me free and make me your equal."

"You'll come to feel it towards me someday. For now… even though I truly want to, I have no time for you, moonlight. Your friends are waiting for me. But don't get the wrong impression…" he leaned towards you, stroking your cheek tenderly as he whispered in your ear. "I will be back for you, my Y/N. Wherever you are hiding from me."

You shivered as he kissed your temple, making this terrifying promise to you. At some point, his shadows enveloped you completely and sent you back to the room where you and Alina were hiding.

And after one look at the sun summoner, you both knew what you had to do.

~•♤♤♤•~

You couldn't remember the last time you ran so fast in your entire life. It must have been back in your Ketterdam days, doing some little errands for the Dregs.

But this time, you weren't running to save your life. You ran to save Kaz Brekker's ass, who was the only one (not counting Inej, who was already hidden somewhere with Alina, waiting for you in harbour) who didn't return from his mission. As you expected, everything went to hell without you, and if you and Alina hadn't arrived, half of the crows (including Baghra) would have been captured by Aleksander's grishas. You wouldn't feel sorry for the old woman, but Alina insisted on saving her.

Jes, Wylan, Nina and Baghra searched other parts of the Little Palace, trying to burn everything in their path. You could still make it. If only Brekker hadn't gotten lost in the meantime. You knew you should go with him. You've always been a team player, and pairing you with Alina for this mission and leaving you behind was their worst idea.

You promised yourself that the next time you'd strap that risky idiot to your hip.

That's why you breathed a sigh of relief when you saw him at the end of the corridor. But instead of running up to him and yelling at him for his thoughtlessness, you hid in the shadows as he backed away slowly. Someone had to catch him. You caught his eye for a moment, glad he noticed you and started to head your way. Thanks to this, you could assassinate his attacker and try to escape from the palace.

Piece of cake. If he wasn't talking to a fucking Darkling.

"I know you kidnapped my moon summoner. Now you're going to tell me where you stashed her." you cursed internally, feeling yourself start to panic. You guys were officially screwed.

"We didn't take her. She fled on her own." you marvelled at how Kaz could still keep his composure with an angry Darkling a few feet in front of him. Sometimes you forget how mentally strong he was.

"I don't doubt in it… where is she? I won't ask you again."

"I don't know. I don't own her… but it's pretty clear she wasn't interested in being a captive anymore."

Aleksander got even angrier at the little insinuation that Kaz took better care of you, that he didn't treat you like an asset, unlike the general. You cursed Dirtyhands for wanting to mock and taunt the Darkling, even though you could see that he wasn't so confident around him.

"I heard about you. And your crows. It would be a shame if something happened to such a talented group." the Darkling summoned some of his shadows, causing Kaz to back away and reach for the light grenade that you and Wylan had prepared. "It's good for you that you have the decency to show signs of fear."

"I'm afraid of what I must."

"And yet you are not so defenceless." Kaz raised an inquiring eyebrow. "Don't make a fool of yourself, Mr. Brekker. I can feel my moon's power everywhere. Especially when it's imbedded so much into one small object."

You tensed, remembering that you had given Kaz the necklace before he left for the Little Palace. A necklace whose pendant you poured so much moonlight into that no shadows could surround him while wearing it or only holding it.

Defence against the Darkling. Specially prepared for situations like this. However, handing it to him, you hoped the two would never meet, growling at each other like two rabid dogs.

"Y/N must have strong feelings for you to give you some of her power. And you for her. Putting your people and yourself at risk, your profit, your club. In the name of what, Mr. Brekker?"

"If you did thorough research on me, you'd know that all of Ketterdam knows I don't need a reason to do things."

"You'll never fully appreciate what she really is. But that's alright. Because I do." Aleksander let Dirtyhands' insult pass over his ears, trying to annoy him that much, so he let his guard down. You knew very well that method, just like you knew that Kaz wasn't foolish to fall for it.

"You've right. I'll never use her as a weapon or treat her like a saint. That's not what she wants. You may understand her powers, but you have no idea who she really is. What's in her mind. What are her dreams and desires. All you care about is her power, which I don't give a damn if she has or not. You see her only as a moon summoner. Not Y/N. You don't know the woman she was before Grisha's thing. You will never know how amazing and indescribable she was before Ravka. This is part of her that only I was allowed to see. You can't change the fact that I know her better than you."

"You're forgetting one important fact. You are a child, and she is Grisha. Y/N may take years to forgive me… but I can wait. Take away my shadows, and I still have something you don't. Time. Meanwhile, you will grow old. Your hair will grey, but she will remain ageless. Like me. Not mention your little inconvenience. Do you think you'll be able to touch her for more than a few minutes before your body grows old? That you'll be able to give her the life she deserves? We both know that one day, maybe a year from now, maybe fifty, she will realise that she has only one equal. There are no others like us, and there never will be. Even you can't change that, Mr. Brekker." he gave him a hostile look, laughing mockingly as he noticed that Kaz continued to back up with each step the Darkling took towards him until he did not stand in front of your hiding place. "Don't worry. I'm not going to kill you. Time will do it for me." he summoned more of his shadows, wanting to scare him with his power. You three knew very well that with your necklace around his neck, no cut would kill him."You should have stayed in Ketterdam, Mr. Brekker."

At this point, you both decided to step in. Kaz threw his grenade, and you summoned your power, blinding the two of them. You grabbed Kaz's arm, and you both ran (as fast as his leg would allow). You stopped only a few corridors and stairs further, at the crossroads where you were all supposed to meet. Along the way, you avoided several fires that the tidemakers were busy with.

"What are you doing here?!" he growled furiously at you as you finally stopped, only making you more angry at his recklessness and attitude. He attacked and insulted the most powerful grisha. An 18-year-old with a cane and no powers.

"What am I doing here?! You tell me, what are you doing! You made him mad for no reason! You think now that he knows your identities, he'll let you go so easily? He will hunt you as long as he lives, just like me and Alina! Congratulations, Brekker!"

"I knew the risk." he replied angrily, looking around all four corridors.

"No, you didn't. You'd know a flimsy toy like that one, fucking grenade wouldn't be enough for him with all the amplifiers he's got."

"Well, I guess your little gift was strong enough to protect me. Which brings me to the question… why am I the only one blessed with this power from you?" he asked as he walked over to you, standing a few inches in front of you. You were both panting with quick anger, rage, and adrenaline, which was slowly draining from your systems.

"It's not your business, Brekker." you growled into his face and took a step, trying to avoid him, but his firm grip on your elbow stopped you.

You turned to face him, ready to yank your arm out of his grip and scream at him to fuck off, but all thoughts flew out of your head as soon as you looked into his mesmerising eyes, which were looking at you with concern and… love.

"It is my business." he leaned closer to you, just enough for you to feel his warmth and his scent, and far enough away not to touch you any more than he already did. "You... you're my most important business. And if something happens to you, if he catches you again..." he sighed, shaking his head, trying to find the right words as he licked his annoyed lips, unconsciously drawing your gaze to them and making you hold your breath for a moment, wanting something as forbidden and holy as kissing them. "I don't know how to... express my feelings. I don't know if I even understand them well enough. All I know is that I would rather die than see you enslaved and sorrowful... and it pains me to know that I'm too weak to protect you. That I'll always be too weak FOR YOU."

"You are literally everything but weak. In my eyes, you're the strongest person I know, Kaz. One of the very few to whom I would entrust my life in the blink of an eye."

"And yet I'm not enough for Grisha's love."

"How could you not be enough for something you already have?" Kaz's head snapped up as he watched you, befuddled in complete silence. You hesitantly reached for his hand, giving him enough time to pull away. He did not do. "And because I love you, I cannot be selfish with you. I cannot risk your life just because I have loved you since we were stupid teenagers." he squeezed your hand, too overwhelmed by his emotions to say anything. Fortunately, you understood him without any words.

Slowly, as if time had slowed down just for you two, he leaned towards you, resting his forehead against yours. You stood like that for a moment, enjoying the other's presence, forgetting that the palace was burning around you and probably 100 Grishas were chasing you.

"I will have you, Kaz Brekker. But only when it's safe for both of us." you promised him, whispering with your eyes still closed. "And for that to happen, I have to stay here. I have to make sure he doesn't go after you, that he will be distracted by me instead of planning your death.." you were about to extricate yourself from his grip, but the man only pulled you closer to him, not wanting to let you go.

"Please, don't. Stay with me. You're not a saint or a hero. You said it yourself. More than I could count."

"Kaz…" you took the ring off and put it on his little finger. "Keep it for me until I'm back. As a promise that whatever is going to happen next… I will be back for you." testing your luck, you placed a quick, tender kiss on his finger, feeling him tremble under your lips.

Before you got a chance to change your mind, you ran in the opposite direction, following the voice of the fighting Grishas.

You didn't turn around. You didn't steal a second glance at him, even though you knew he was watching you until you were out of sight. You knew the moment you looked into his eyes again, you'd change your mind.

You had to be strong.

For both of you. For your common future.

~•♤♤♤•~

When you regained consciousness, you weren't surprised that your hands had been handcuffed, so you couldn't use your powers. You were surprised to be greeted by the familiar sheets of Aleksander's comfortable bed.

And the Darkling himself was lying right next to you with his face towards you.

His eyes were closed, giving you a good look at the darker shadows under his eyes than before. Without knowing why, they disturbed you more than those lazily hovering around the bed. For a moment, you listened to his measured, calm breathing, which would probably confuse anyone else and give the illusory belief that the man next to you is sleeping. But you knew him much better than to fall for such a simple trick.

"I know how you breathe when you're sleeping, Aleksander."

"Maybe I was trying to fall asleep."

"Wearing a kefta? Doubtful." he opened one eye, staring at you silently. You felt your heart start beating faster from the nerves. You had no idea why you were here. Or at least you didn't want to admit it to yourself, so you decided to play the fool. "Are the dungeons undergoing some kind of refurbishment, or are they so full that you haven't found another place for me?"

He stared at you silently, deep in thought. He took his time to answer, playing with the strands of your hair that had escaped your bun from an earlier fight.

"It didn't seem like the right place for you" he finally whispered, making you even more suspicious.

"And where is my right place? After I stabbed you in the back so many times? In your bed? In your arms? As a weapon for your use? Where do you see me, Aleksander?"

"By my side. I've always seen you by my side." he answered at once, without a trace of hesitation in his voice. His shadow circled the room, caressing you from time to time. You didn't know if he was planning to let your guard down or if he had completely lost his mind.

"I don't understand. You should be mad at me. Why don't you hate me? Why are you still looking at me like... like you really have feelings for me? This is another one of your games, right? You want me to go completely crazy this time, don't you?"

"No, my little saint moon." he whispered, undaunted by your anger, gently cupping your chin so you had to look him in the eye. "All I ever wanted was someone equal to me. Why should I get mad at you when all you're doing is trying to find your way to me?"

"I don't…"

"Then why did you let them catch you? Don't try to lie to me, Y/N. I was there. I saw with my own eyes how you backed away from running away at the last moment. Why?"

"You know why." you whispered in a shaky voice. You closed your eyes, trying to protect yourself from the Black Heretic's penetrating gaze and show him the tears beginning to form in your eyes. "I have a million reasons why I should give you up, why I should hate you more than anyone else, but the truth is… my heart wants what it wants. And I don't think I can resist this anymore." you couldn't control your tears, but from the tender touch of his hand as he wiped them from your cheek and the clank of the handcuffs opening, you figured they were necessary for him to believe you.

"You have no idea how long…"

"No." you cut him off before he could say anything more." I have one question for you. Answer it right, and I'll forget about the last few months. Answer it right, and I promise you that you will never have to be alone again, that I'll always be by your side, along with your shadows and everything else that you truly are. That I will accept my destiny as being your moon. I won't let anyone scare me away from you ever again. I just… I need you to be completely honest with me. This one time." you cursed yourself at how weak your voice sounded when he grabbed your hand, kissing tenderly the places where the handcuffs were marked. "You don't have to tell me your whole plan; I just want to know… are all of these lies, battles, wars, deaths… just to keep the Grishas safe? You have no other intention behind this than to give our people home, where they don't have to be afraid of people who hate us and our powers?"

"I swear to you, my little moonstone, there is no other reason. I'm not a maniac drunk on power, as everybody tells you. I just want our people to be safe; I want to give them a world where we can explore the abilities of our power without fear of getting killed for being extraordinary. I can only do this with you by my side. As my equal. As a person who thinks like me and can keep up with my plans. As my partner. As the only one I can trust."

"Good." you nodded, cupping his cheek as you pulled him closer to you, so your lips caught each other again.

And maybe it was naive to think he bought your story about being completely devoted to him; maybe it was just another one of his games; maybe this time he really believed your words. Or maybe he was tired of pretending you didn't feel that strange attraction every time you were together.

You did not know. And you didn't want to know.

You gave into that burning desire every time you were near him, explaining to yourself that you had to earn his trust.

But there was much more to this one kiss than just lust.

It was a promise to you.

You will break his heart and make him hate you. You will drive him mad, drive him away, and then he will cast you out. Aleksander will come to think of you not as his lover but as his greatest enemy. Alina, Baghra and you gonna end the circle of unnecessary deaths.

And then you will finally be free...

Or at least... you will kill you both while trying to hate him as you should from the beginning.

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huevokinder24 · 1 year

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Shadow and bone rant

Was shadow and bone S2 a good one? It was enjoyable. It was watchable. That's it.

For those of us who have read the books it was a huge mess.

Let's talk first about the grisha trilogy.

They joined book 2 and 3 (and crooked kingdom for some fucking reason, but I'll get to that later) and just rushed through the plot.

While I'm not the biggest fan of the trilogy and SOC is one of my favorite books ever, I still think the crows had no business being there. They just took too much screentime, something I usually wouldn't complain about but now I am. The sword subplot alone would have been okay. The rest? What the fuck was that??

Due to this, we didn't get to see the actual story of Sab. And don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting a word by word adaptation, but this felt.... The characters weren't themselves.

Nikolai felt incredibly plain. He was just a nice guy. But where was his wit? His charm? His "my mother was an oyster, I'm the pearl". Where was his personality?

Also, he never loved Alina, and Alina didn't love him. Why would they push this narrative?

Everyone loves the darkling because he is charismatic and a master manipulator. This season he was just a dying guy. He didn't feel threatening. He didn't feel like the villain at all.

Zoya was completely sidelined for Alina. My girl had like 3 scenes and she didn't do much. In the book we saw rare moments of vulnerability, saw her friendship with Alina and genya grow. But she was still the cold bitch everyone loves because that's what makes Zoya Zoya.

They offed David just like that, and again, replaced him with Alina in the triumvirate. And I'm so mad about this. The triumvirate was made up of the three leaders that the orders chose to lead them during the war (except for genya). There are one of each order so the darkling's favoritism wouldn't repeat, so all the orders would stand on equal ground. Again, they were leaders. Political leaders. Now we have 2 summoners and a colporalki. What about the materialki? They lost their place in Nikolai's circle.

Also, the little reunion of Alina, genya and Zoya at the end was more like "uwu besties hanging out" than, "we have the responsibility to lead the orders and rebuild the country"

Mal just left. JUST LIKE THAT. we have a season full of Malina kissing and vowing they'll spend their lives together after they destroy the fold and kill the darkling, and the dude just leaves. Not just leaves, BECOMES STURMHOND. Do the writers know what sturmhond means to Nikolai? He would NEVER let any other person, least of all Mal take over the role.

And the twins left with him. The twins would never leave Nikolai.

Also Tolya, canonically ace, giving inej heart eyes????

And Alina. Where was her internal struggle? She kept her powers and is ready to become queen? And marry Nikolai??? She never wanted the crown. She never loved Nikolai. She only wanted to disappear into the sunset with mal and open an orphanage to help children like her. She literally told Nikolai that Zoya would make a better queen, hinting at zoyalai.

The whole point of Alina's character was that she was just a girl. She was just a girl turned saint, something she didn't want, with an enormous power she never asked for. She was just a girl who wanted a normal life but had to play the hero at 17. By the end of ruin and rising, she is exhausted, weary, drained. She faked her own death so people would leave her alone, so she could retire to the middle of nowhere with Mal and live a quiet life.

Now they're making her Nikolai's betrothed, future queen of Ravka, and... Evil? After she fought so hard to not become a monster like the darkling??

And where's the religion??? A huge part of the grishaverse revolves around religion, especially in the grisha trilogy. The manipulation of information and public image, twisting the narrative so it fits your goals, the zeal of the masses based on that exact narrative that those in power created.... There was none of that. Only inej called Alina "Sankta Alina" but they never showed what becoming Sankta was like for Alina.

This was just... Ugh. It was not BAD, but I'm so disappointed, especially for the crows, so part 2?

#shadow and bone #six of crows #shadow and bone netflix #crooked kingdom #nikolai lantsov #the darkling #alina starkov #zoya nazyalensky

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 1 year

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Darklina Tether Bond Costuming

(Shadow and Bone Season 2 Spoilers)

I want to talk a bit about the costuming choices used for darklina’s tether bond scenes because I think they are actually pretty significant. Or more specifically Alina’s because Aleks only ever really wears the two keftas.

But lets start with the first tether scene in episode 1. This one takes place in the same tent as where he put the stag collar on her, reminding us and darklina of that betrayal. He Aleks is dressed in his black kefta from season 1 and Alina in her blue kefta. What is interesting about this is that it’s the same outfits from the fountain scene in 1x04.

Not only is Alina’s Kefta the same so to is the way she is wearing her hair. In the tether scene Aleks talks about like calling to like and in the fountain scene Aleks told alina that he did know how she felt, highlighting that they were alike. Also Alina in the tether scene talks about ‘empty promises’ and it was during the fountain scene that Aleks promised that he would be right by her side and that together they would change the world. Another parallel between the two scenes is that in the tether Aleks talks about suffering and sacrifice and Alina asks what he has sacrificed, during the fountain scene the topic of the creation of the fold comes up and as we know the fold was created because of Aleks losing Luda. I really do think that putting Alina in this blue kefta and talking about the promises and about suffering and sacrifice was meant to make you think back to the fountain scene in ep 4.

Moving on to the next tether scene and this one is really interesting. Its the one from ep 2 and they are back in the war room this time and Alina is in the black and gold Kefta.

Alina talks about being dragged back to the past and I do think they obviously drawing that clear connection to ep 5 when darklina were at their closest, they were acting like a couple of lovesick teenagers pretty much the whole episode and it was when they both believed that they would have a future together and that they were going to change their country and the world for the better. This time their conversation is mostly centred around this idea of it’s supposed to be the two of them, how there is no one else like them. But also on their immortality and the loneliness and loss Aleks has felt over his long life. So its kind of poetic and bittersweet that they are also making that link back to when Aleks had thought he had found his true equal and the person who he would be able to spend eternity with.

It is during this tether scene that we also get the moment when Alina dramatically turns around and takes off her kefta and announcing that she will never wear his colour again, whilst ironically still wearing black underneath. I have seen some jokes about that in the tags and honestly I did have the thought myself that whilst it was a grand gesture on Alina’s part her still wearing black underneath kind of dulled the impact of it. But something about the dress was bugging me because I was sure I had seen it somewhere before. Then it hit me, its the same dress she is wearing in the ‘make me your villain’ scene:

Again I think this is to call back to that betrayal she feels. She takes off her kefta, rejecting his colours and that connection she has to him in the process, to reveal the betrayal dress underneath, once again reminding them both of how he hurt her, but also highlighting that she is doing just as he asked, making him her villain. But this is also the dress she was wearing when she said they could have had it all, so in a way both outfits call back to them as a romantic pairing and that future they had once dreamt of together.

There also could be some more significance to her still being dressed in his colour after declaring she wouldn’t wear it again, which ties into the ending of the season and that possibility that they may have Alina mirror young Aleks’ arc in season 3. This could be that foreshadowing that despite her words she will in fact wear his colours once more. Also right after she takes the Kefta off to reveal the black dress underneath Aleks talks about her having an inkling of what’s it like to be hunted and his warning that she has yet to see the shape of things which could be foreshadowing Alina finding herself being hunted in season three and beginning to understand Aleks.

This next on is another fun one. The wanting makes us weak scene. What I noticed about this one is that although, unlike the ones above, its not an identical replica of a past outfit, it does have a lot of similarities to a past outfit and is very reminiscent of something significant she has worn before.

I couldn’t get a full body pic but as you can see the outfit she is wearing is incredibly similar to the uniform she was wearing when she first meets Aleks and he tests her and discovers she is the sun summoner. Both have the white shirt with the braces (or suspenders whichever you call them) they also both have green bottoms the difference though is that in the tent scene she is wearing trousers and in the tether scene a skirt. But I do think the outfit was supposed to call to mind the tent outfit. Again though I do think it is very significant that they chose to put her in this outfit for this scene. In the tether scene they are talking again about how there are no others like them, about power and about want. The tent scene is the moment that Aleks realises he has a chance at getting what he wants, an equal, someone who might be able to help him build that new world for the grisha. But Alina also talks about how Aleks was the first one to see her for who she was, to show her she was powerful and meant for something more. This all calls back to the start of their relationship so it makes sense that she dressed in the same clothes as when she first met him and she was shown her power by him. But there is one other detail I want to point out and that is a mannerism of Aleks’ which is where he casually sits back on the table. This caught my eye because we’ve seen Aleks do it twice before, the first time was in that tent scene, when he asks her what are you he casually leans back to sit against the table. The second time we see him do this is when darklina share their first kiss. The posturing they have in this scene is very similar to the scene where they first kiss.

So to me it seemed like they really wanted to draw you to these scenes that showed that connection between them but also showed that want.

I really do believe that all of these costuming choices were deliberate and where meant to drag you back to the past, as alina put it.

#darklina #s&b season 2 spoilers

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discussgrishaverse · 3 months

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Trying to Analyse : The Darkling

In book 1, the Darkling was trying to use the Sun Summoner as a weapon. He wanted control over her powers and would have put the antlers on her regardless of the extent of her cooperation because he wanted full control of her powers to control the fold. He wouldn't have put more trust in her loyalty or competence than is required of him, so entrusting her with such a crucial part of his Big Plans is out of the picture.

He was getting her romantically attached to him to ensure her loyalty and his control over her. He wasn't romantically interested in her or anyone for that matter (by that point). This isn't to say he didn't find her amusing. I am sure he finds some of his soldiers amusing too. It just means that he would have still played his part of a lover had he found her utterly repulsive and boring.

There is also the case of the appeal of having some sort of eternal companion aside from your own mother. Someone who would be a steady figure in your life (something he probably recognises) and who might someday understand your unique experience which in incomprehensible to almost everyone else (something he doesn't recognise as his own want because he is above wanting

but later uses it to manipulate her all the same because he recognises it as something a human in her position would want).

This isn't to say he won't keep said companion miserable for most of said eternity if it fit his goals. He doesn't see Alina as his equal despite what he claims. He would have been rather difficult to kill had he not underestimated her. By the end of the trilogy he might have considered her to be someone who had the potential to be as close to his equal as anyone can be, at some point, after centuries have passed but every word he says to her is a calculated lie, whether by twisting words and technically saying the truth or omitting important details or outright lying, he was set out to manipulate her, confuse her, use her, get her on his side (the Good SideTm).

I also don't think he understands himself lol. He would probably think a person who understands him is some devoted soldier who thinks everything he does is correct, good or necessary evil. Someone who thinks some of those actions were because of his own flaws, his own wants - for revenge, control, adoration was, in his opinion, wrong. This also means that he sees every monstrous thing he has done : burning the orphanage, raging a civil war as necessary sacrifices. He thinks people believing him to be a monster is a sacrifice on his part. That he isn't one. But is ready to pretend to be one for the greater good. He doesn't realise the unnecessity of many of these actions, the human part in himself that is being cruel, vengeful and petty.

Now, what are his goals? He started out as someone wanting to create a sanctuary for grisha: for his people and for himself, to be able to create a place he could live in for as long as he wanted, without fear. He also hoped for his people to celebrate him for it, to recognise what he has done and not think of killing him for his bones.

His goals, even in the beginning, weren't entirely selfless, which isn't a bad thing at all. He is a human being, of course he has wants. Along with safety for himself and his people, he wanted an acceptance, an adoration.

What was his first attempt? Trade. He marched into his first war with the intention of giving the king his victory in exchange for said sanctuary. Then there was the betrayal. It didn't go as it had been planned.

ROW says he employed many different methods, different forms of diplomacies and sometimes made some progress with one king only to then witness regression when the next king came in. It was a cycle. A culmination of many factors. Him completely detaching himself from anything that might give him joy (simple things like the beauty of colours) or things that he needed (companionship; he didn't want to be lonely, he searched for his siblings everywhere to find some sense of companionship but still never opened up to them) in order to creste a calculated persona that would help him achieve his goals.

His creation of the fold and his tempering with merzost had put grisha everywhere in a further terrible position. That resulted in them being hated and feared even more. It had obviously worsened the life of the humans. He had used the fold as a weapon and had not used the merzost further because such power can't be left uncontrolled. Cue: His need for a Sun Summoner.

With the Little Palace and Second army, Ravkan Grisha were in a better place than they had been without it. And all of the others were suffering more.

Grisha children were brought in the Little Palace to be trained and schooled and be protected. When they grew up, they had rather limited options in terms of what they can do with their lives. I do wonder to what extent he realised that sucked for them. He does value freedom ("I understand the desire to be free.") but he himself has almost never been free. Always serving different kings as he thought it was his duty. Did he think it was the duty of all other Ravkan Grisha too? Did he think it was a fair price they had to pay in exchange for all that he gave them?

However it is also to be noted that the humans were getting drafted too. Mal and Alina, despite being so young, were both drafted. As it happened during wars. The king had grisha as his serfs. He would not be all too happy if most of the grisha decide that they don't want to serve him after all.

He made it better for grisha and he made it worse for grisha and the latter was due to his own shortcomings as much as it was because of things out of his control. The price of trying at all, getting involved at all is that you might fail, that you are not God and all your plans might not work the way you want them to, your own weapon might explode on your face.

Now, ROW says that somewhere during all of this his perspective became: 'Human life is worth preserving. But human lives? They come and go like so much chaff, never tipping the. scales.'

This is not the first time an immortal in media has expressed this sentiment. It makes sense for such a character to think like that.

Baghra had taught him that he had no equal, that he was destined to bow to no man. She had burned down a village to protect him and he had burned down an orphanage and Alina's mother figure to avenge her. Though she committed suicide, he wrongly and correctly blamed Alina for it. She wouldn't have done that if Alina Starkov hadn't come around but that was because he didn't want her son to have the weapon that he wanted. Because she was scared of what he might do. And so he avenged her but never fully admitted it to himself. He dressed that up as a show of ruthlessness, to scare Alina to get her on his side. But why would this make Alina want to give him even more power? Especially when he has already shown the extent of his mercy. When he would have killed Mal regardless. Why would she believe her friends would be spared if she goes along with his mass murderous plans? Did he really misread Alina so wrong? Did he think he has broken her down enough to resign herself and do whatever he says? Or did he misread his own self. That this was something he wanted to do for misplaced revenge, to let put his own anger and grief and for no other reason.

So, we have a character that thinks hurting and killing people is fine for the greater good. Crossing all lines is fine for the greater good. He also believes that he always does things for the greater good while he Does Not. This is a dangerous combination.

I also think what sent him spiralling more than Alina's 'betrayal' was Baghra's. Sure, his ego was hurt that he couldn't manipulate her enough for her to ignore Baghra's warnings. He also believed that he was right after all, so her running away was also in his opinion a net negative for the world. His jealousy also shined through that she was the one who was worshipped even though she ran away, 'abandoned Ravka' while he never did. But above it all, his own mother who was a witness to all of his tireless efforts and sacrifices did something to directly sabotage him, stop him from achieving something he had wanted for so long. And it was all 'for Alina'.

So he did value this one individual life of his mother. Because she was as immortal as him? Well, she was wasting away anyways. She refused to summon, had grown old and had no role in his big plans. Baghra was suicidal at times, as were all others who lived upto that age (and as was Aleksander himself).

All this to say she actually was not important to him in the grand scheme of things except being his mother, his sole companion for centuries, the one who knew him better than anyone else. He however would not admit this to Alina or to his own self. Individual lives are supposed to be worthless after all.

With being a general, the mindset of prioritising the lives of many over those of few is important. Add the factor that for him, the many lives include the lives across several generations and we have someone who might blow up entire populations if he believes this would be overall better for the future generations. His experience is infinite but he doesn't register that it is still a countable infinity as compared to the uncountable infinite experience of the rest of the world.

He stopped the development of technology in Ravka because of a fear that was valid. That they might terminate the use of grisha and people might start hunting them again. But he was in no position to do any such thing in Fjerda. Maybe he had spies and people there in the inner circles but Fjerdan technology was still growing. So had he planned to invade Fjerda had Alina not showed up?

There is a lot more I want to add but this rambling is getting long. So might make a part 2 detailing the experience of the second army soldiers among other things. If you have actually read till here, uh thank you? or sorry. Feel free to refute or comment on any part.

#aleksander morozova #shadow and bone #alina starkov #grishaverse #grisha trilogy #grishaverse meta #the darkling #demon in the woods

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marvelmusing · 1 year

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Question about IAL

Yes, I'm still hanging on to that fic with my imaginary little claws. Surprising, I know...

So the question... Are they gonna tell that they are immortal or do the disappearing and reappearing act? If the latter, how Reader's gonna handle that? And not getting old while their friends do?

Oh, this got a little depressing. Anyway, they have each other so I guess there's that 🥰

Oh oh and one more thing! Does anyone ever finds out that Kirigan is the Heretic???? (Reader has the itch to make things right so I'd assume the subject wouldn't be left alone. If not by telling who he is but clearing his name, telling the story of Grisha being hunted and him being desperate and the Fold essentially just an accident) Scheming buddies re-writing history? 🤭

I’m hanging right there next to you 😂

(I’m putting the rest of my answer under the cut because I started rambling about more ideas I have)

Alina and Mal both know that Aleksander is immortal, since the Reader told them about it to help Alina make her decision to bring down the fold and lose her power. But after everything the Reader and Aleksander has done for them both they keep that information to themselves.

My first thought was that they would do Aleksander’s usual disappearing and reappearing routine. But with the Reader’s unique power that might be difficult.

I think they would tell their closest friends, that being the two people to mend the making made Aleksander and the Reader both immortal. Then Aleksander could still pretend that he was the descendant of the Black Heretic, but they could have people help to keep their secret.

Nikolai helps them spread the belief that once the Reader ‘dies’ their power will be given to someone else as a blessing from the making, which will then explain why someone with the same unique power exists hundreds of years later.

The Reader goes to the funeral of every one of their friends. Each one hurts, but Aleksander is by their side, ready to comfort them. He’s done this before, but he hates seeing the Reader so distraught and he has to admit that he also had become attached to these friends.

Alina’s funeral is particularly painful for the Reader, the two of them always had an unusual bond, with the Reader knowing Alina better than anyone. Alina’s death is also the true end of the story that the Reader knows. It makes everything feel final.

After all of their friends are gone, Aleksander and the Reader fake their deaths and travel the world. Within this time, they fade out of the memories of the Ravkan people, becoming figures of legends and stories.

When Aleksander returns to the Little Palace, he takes up his old position as one of his ‘descendants’. The Little Palace is no longer an army base, it’s a safe haven for Grisha who don’t have homes, and the place where all Grisha learn to control their power. The Reader will arrive not much longer after him, claiming to have been blessed by the making with their power.

(I might write a oneshot based on their travels and once they return to Ravka)

On a happier note…

Okay so the future I have pictured for Ravka is that with the wars over, the country goes through a renaissance. Art, literature, music, technology. It all improves and it’s just a general era of advancement where the people are free to create for the fun of it.

For centuries they’ve done nothing but fight, so I like to think that with the fighting over they would would take the chance to create things.

So I’m picturing the Reader being thrilled by all the new authors and books being created. But then they read a book about the Black Heretic and they spend the afternoon scribbling out anything they disagree with.

Then they decide to write their own biography of the Black Heretic. Given Aleksander’s efforts to ensure that no one figures out his secret, there’s limited personal records of his existence. But there’s lots of secondary information that the Reader uses to write the book. (I’m thinking of writing a little drabble about this now too 😂)

If the Reader gains some acclaim for their work, I can definitely see them getting too enthusiastic during a historical debate at the University of Os Alta with some frail looking professors who insist that Black Heretic purposefully created the Fold to cripple Ravka.

Aleksander just sits back in his chair at their side and regards the professors with a smug expression when the Reader fiercely disagrees with all their counter arguments.

The Reader certainly gets the ball rolling for more critical interpretations of history, and within the next century public opinion regarding the Black Heretic changes a lot. Especially with the Fold fading from living memory, and the church recognising General Kirigan as the Starless Saint.

As the years go on, Aleksander soon realises that people don’t look at him any differently for being a Shadow Summoner - and it’s all because of the Reader.

Immortality still isn’t easy for either of them, but together there’s so much for them to explore and improve in the world. So, despite the hardships, I think they will both be okay.

#in another life au #my mutuals (affectionate)#I now have another three fic ideas for this au #I can’t be stopped #my mutuals are enabling me #but i don’t mind

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pikachuondrugs · 1 year

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Doom Upon The World

A/N: This is a series I’ve already started and posted here. Decided to bring it here as well, maybe it’ll break my writers block? Here to hoping! Eventually all chapters available there will be brought over here once re-edited. Would love to hear any thoughts, ideas, criticisms ya’ll have!

Pairing: Aleksander x Alina

What if Baghra’s motives for separating Aleksander and Alina were far more… sinister?

I’d had plans for the Sun Summoner for hundreds of years. How to control her, to use her against our enemies, and yet… It all seemed to disappear when she finally came into my life. Alina Starkov. My Sun Summoner. My equal. My other half. I'd never truly understood the concept of soulmates until her. I hadn’t realized how much of myself was missing until she had been quiet literally dragged into my life.

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Chapter 3: Fear

But Aleksander would protect me, I knew that like I knew the sky was blue. It frightened me how certain of it I was.

"Aleksander…" I breathed, pulling against Bahgra's hold. The old woman was stronger than she looked however, and I felt strangely weak. There was a horrid feeling in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

But Aleksander would protect me, I knew that like I knew the sky was blue. It frightened me how certain of it I was.

I wanted- needed- an explanation, something to reconcile the two dueling versions of him in my mind. There was the Black Heretic, a man they said created the Fold out of greed, a demon who doomed hundreds to fates worse than death, something evil, something to be feared. Someone I felt so far from knowing. Then Aleksander. The Black General. The Darkling. The man who saved my life. Fearsome to be sure, but no monster. He wanted what was best for his people, defended them ruthlessly. He wanted somewhere safe for them, after so many years of pain. How could they be one and the same? I thought I was beginning to understand him.

I needed to be free of the old woman's punishing grip, needed space to calm my racing thoughts, to make a decision. If I was wrong about him, what was I dooming myself to if I stayed? And what if I wasn't? I’d never felt as comfortable as I did here, in the Little Palace. It wasn’t just the material comforts, it was the people. The Grisha had overwhelmingly accepted me as one of their own, didn’t care that I was a Half Shu orphan. Nearly everyone I’d met had a similar, or worse, story. But that didn’t matter anymore, because we weren’t alone anymore. We are Grisha. It felt so freeing to finally have a people and a place to call home. Could I risk losing that? Did I want to?

You are not alone. I couldn’t help but remember his eyes as my fingers closed around his wrist and my light burst out to push his shadows away. They’d been filled with such gentleness and relief it made me want to kiss him, comfort him, love him. I shook my head quickly, forcing the thoughts away and tried to tug free again.

But Bahgra refused to break her hold. I didn't want to hurt the older woman, but an inky fear was creeping up my spine. Somethings not right. Perhaps I could blind her just enough to release me? But then what? What would I do? Run? Stay? I certainly was not going anywhere with her, but where else could I go? I couldn't worry about that yet. I drew my hands together, as much as I was able, and willed my light forward. Nothing came. Not even a flicker. I tried again, my breathing quickening in fear. Nothing. I couldn’t even feel it.

Aleksander's eyes had snapped to me, a strange emotion I’d never seen in his eyes. Fear, I realized, even as my own panic set in. Why couldn't I call my light? It should be too easy, Baghra was an amplifier, same as her son. All it took was a touch from Aleksander and I could summon as easily as breathing. All I felt now was weak.

Bahgra's grip was tight- too tight -and strong, and she pulled us another few steps back. Aleksander mirrored our steps quickly, a few stray shadows drawing even closer, though not enough to gain the old woman's attention.

"I can't-I don't... what is going on?" I didn't know who the question was directed at. I tried to quell the panic, though not very successfully, my heart was racing and my breathing labored. I wanted to pull away, wanted to call the comfort and protection my light would provide. But still nothing came. I could hardly move, hadn't felt this weak since before I came to the Little Palace, before I started using my powers regularly. Hadn't realized how much my light felt like part of me, until I couldn't touch it. It felt unnatural to be without it.

"I've told you already, girl. You are leaving." Baghra's tone had sounded concerned in the beginning, spinning her tale of how evil her son was, how he only wanted to manipulate me. Now it was cold, filled with venom. Her shadows curled closer around us. They felt nothing like the shadows Aleksander had summoned before, these felt oppressive, like they wanted to smother me, suck the very light from me. I tried to yank away again, but the old woman's grip would not yield.

Thankfully I heard what sounded like footsteps, approaching quickly. I tried not to breathe out a sign of relief, unsure if the two Shadow summoners heard them.

"No. She is not. Let her go, Mother." Aleksander practically growled as Ivan and Feydor appeared behind their general, pausing to assess the situation. Baghra eyed them warily, searching for any signs of the Heartrender pair using their gifts.

I nearly jumped when a tendril of shadow wrapped itself around my free wrist. I forced myself not to react further, not daring to look. Though it was cold to the touch, it still elicited the same electricity as its master's touch always seemed to. Aleksander. The shadow squeezed my wrist in what felt strangely like comfort, the pressure surprisingly soothing. Its like I could feel his hands again, steading me, calming me, filling me with power and surety. My light was at the tips of my fingers again, and I nearly cried in relief. The loss of my powers, even for those few moments, made me feel so empty, so vulnerable. Like all the most important parts of me were missing, and I decided quickly that I never wanted to feel that way again, never wanted to be without them again.

While Baghra's gaze remained fixed on the Heartrender duo, I carefully formed a dull sphere of light in my free palm. As they came to a stop a few steps behind Aleksander, I lashed quickly out at the old woman, pulling on all my borrowed strength to brighten my golden light into a blinding hot white. The sphere missed Bahgra's face by mere inches, distracting her enough that I could finally wrench free. I stubbled back away from them quickly, my powers surging back fully and I threw out another ball of blinding light, brighter than the last, at the ancient woman. When the light died out, Baghra was gone.

"Do not let her get far." Ivan and Feydor were quick to action, hurrying past, deeper down the dark tunnel, leaving us alone. Now what am I going to do? I looked anywhere but him. I rubbed my newly freed wrist, noting the bruise already forming. I could feel Aleksander watching me, and when he took a small step toward me I glanced up at him.

"Alina." He stepped closer, reaching out to me. I couldn't help taking a retreating step back, still unsure. He looked almost hurt, before schooling his expression into an indifferent mask, dropping his hand. His shadow slid away from my wrist, returning to its place at its masters side. I forced myself not to reach for it, my fingers twitching against the urge. Already missing it's strangely calming pressure around my wrist, the safety and calm it had sparked was fading away, leaving only the fear and pain.

But I couldn't let myself get distracted. I had to know the truth. Had to know if had been all a manipulation, if he had truly planned to take my power for his own. If he had truly cared for me at all. If this was just some game to him.

"Is it true? What your mother said about your plans for the stag, your plans for me." I couldn’t keep my voice from trembling. An unfamiliar pang of guilt hit me after I spoke, but was gone as quickly as it had come.

"Can we discuss this elsewhere? It’s not safe here anymore." Aleksander asked, hesitantly coming closer again, and I forced myself not to flinch away again. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. It was not a terrible idea, though it would certainly be much more difficult to escape, if need be. Was that still an option? Could I be safe with Baghra out there? Would he even let me go? I did not know what the old woman wanted from me, but it was certainly nothing good. Was here any better? What did Aleksander really want from me? Even though I knew I was safe with him, that did not mean he couldn’t betray me. Keeping me safe did not mean keeping me free.

"Fine. But I want answers."

#alina x aleksander #ben barnes #ben barnes is hot disease #aleksander kirigan #aleksander morovoza #alina starkov #shadow and bone #darklina #alina x darkling #baghra’s a+ parenting

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filhadoboto · 2 years

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My loneliness and me - Chapter 15

a Darklina canon divergent fic

Fic summary: Alina tries to distract herself the night before the Shadow Fold crossing and her path ends up crossing that of the mysterious Darkling.

AO3 link; Chapter 1; Chapter 2; Chapter 3; Chapter 4; Chapter 5; Chapter 6; Chapter 7; Chapter 8; Chapter 9; Chapter 10; Chapter 11; Chapter 12; Chapter 13; Chapter 14

Chapter 15 - The life of a Grisha – part 4

The Darkling

"You shouldn't be here alone, Alina."

"I'm not alone anymore." she said in a calm tone without looking back, as if she already knew he was there even before he said anything.

He couldn't help but smile. No, she was no longer alone either in that place or in her life. Alina had accepted herself in that tent and thus had opened up to make connections with her people, with her peers.

He had relied on the fact that she was a lonely girl who desperately wanted to belong to something or someone to make it easier for him to manipulate her, but he had not imagined that he would be so happy and satisfied that Alina had created the kind of connection she had created with Tatiana, Sonia, Fedyor and, to his surprise, Ivan.

Although it was part of his plan that Alina should seek shelter and comfort in him, that she see him as someone trustworthy and indispensable, he couldn't deny that he was relieved to see the way she had begun to see the Grisha as her people, as people she could count and trust. He couldn't deny that, despite needing to earn her trust in order to manipulate her, he wanted her to see the Grisha as her family.

"No, you're not." he said and moved closer until he was only a step away from her "How are you feeling?"

"Relieved." she replied, but that wasn't what was in her voice or her posture.

"And it is bothering you."

She nodded slowly, “I've never killed anyone. As a mapmaker I was never put in a situation where it was necessary for me to do so and I always thought I would die before I had to kill someone. But today I killed two people.” she said in a calm tone “One I killed to protect Ivan and the other I killed for pure and simple revenge. I stuck a knife in the chest of the man who tortured us and ordered our murder and probably did the same to many other Grisha before us. And I'm bothered at how quickly I killed them instead of bothered that I killed them.” she took a deep breath before continuing “I know the man who hurt me is dead, but I can't stop thinking about other slower ways to kill him, in ways to make him suffer before killing him.”

"You wanted to feel guilty."

“I took their lives. Shouldn't I feel guilty?”

"There's no reason for you to feel guilty instead of feeling relieved, Alina. You were protecting someone who is important to you and defending yourself."

She laughed bitterly "Until you arrived, the only thing I was doing was begging uselessly for our lives." she picked up a rock from the ground and threw it angrily into the stream “Not even when I was in the Shadow Fold surrounded by darkness and ravening monsters did I feel so helpless, so powerless. Even though I didn't know of its existence or how to use it, my light protected me against the volcra, but it made humans condemn us. I felt so much anger, so much hate when they lit their pyres that it made my light manifest. I wished so badly for it to burn them, for it to save us, but when that didn't happen, I realized there was no point in having all that power inside me if I didn't know how to use it.”

Aleksander couldn't help putting himself in her shoes. How impossibly painful it must have been to go through all that and, even though you had a gift, not be able to use it to defend yourself.

She picked up another stone “What you did to the Fjerdans,” she continued after a few seconds of silence and he expected to hear revulsion in her voice, but there was only curiosity, interest "How did you manage to cut his arm without using a sword and being so far away?"

"What I made is called the cut and I used my shadows to form the blade." he replied.

"Is this only possible to do with shadows?" she asked.

"No, but it's something that requires great control and great power, something few Grisha possess." he explained.

"Can you teach me how to use the cut?" she asked in an anxious and hopeful tone "If I'm powerful enough, of course."

Her request surprised him. After centuries and centuries of being viewed with suspicion even by his own people because of his unusual power to summon shadows, Aleksander needed a few seconds to process the fact that Alina hadn't been afraid of him after watching him use the cut against their enemies, that Alina had viewed his gift with curiosity and acceptance. He had feared that what he had done would scare her, make her suspect him, make her fear him, but she was asking him to teach her to do the same.

"I'm sure that, given time and training, you will be as powerful as I am, Alina." he replied sincerely. Each time she used her power, the more certain he was that she was powerful enough to live as long as he, especially if he could find Morozova's stag and give her that powerful amplifier "But before you can think about learning this technique, you must first learn to control your power."

She threw the stone in her hand into the water and asked "How long do you think it will take?"

“It varies from Grisha to Grisha. It may take months or years.” he said “But your case is special, Alina. Remember that Grisha are generally trained from childhood and learn to control their power and develop their skills as they grow up.”

She nodded "Even if it take years for me to learn to control my power, you think I'll be powerful enough to learn this technique."

"Yes, I do." he said without hesitation.

"So you promise that when I'm ready, you'll teach me how to use the cut?"

The need and desperation in her voice made him answer "I promise."

He watched her body relax, and after a few seconds of silence, her stomach growled so loudly that even he heard, “You should go back to camp and get something to eat, Alina. You vomited and lost a lot of blood."

She took a deep breath "I know, but I don't feel like eating." she said “Although my stomach was growling, I couldn't make myself eat. I was barely able to drink water, actually. I always had little appetite, but after what I saw, after what I did today, my throat refuses to let anything pass."

He remembered how she had stabbed the Fjerdan's corpse even after he was dead. He had linked her sudden vomiting to some late effect of the gas she had inhaled, but now he understood that her vomiting had actually been her body's reaction when she realized she had just killed two people. That was a common reaction and he was feeling foolish for not realizing it sooner.

"I understand, but, you need to make an effort, Alina." he insisted "We have a long journey ahead of us and you need your strength."

"I know." she said "I promise I'll try to eat tomorrow. Maybe after getting some sleep I'll feel better."

He decided not to press her further on that matter. A gust of cold wind hit them and he saw her shiver. He took off his cloak and laid it gently on her shoulders.

She looked at him, looking surprised by his gesture "Thank you." she said and he nodded. She covered herself with the cape and after a few seconds she added "I don't deserve all this, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't deserve you all to be so careful and considerate and kind to me." she explained "I don't deserve that the General of the Second Army put his soldiers' lives in danger to save mine or that he waste his time worrying about whether I ate or if I'm cold."

"You are one of us, Alina and we take care of each other." he said and then added "And it's my duty to take care of my people, to make sure you all are all right."

“I…” she began, but fell silent.

"You…?" he encouraged her to continue.

“I didn't do anything to deserve all this and the fact that I'm a Grisha shouldn't put others' lives in danger. Tatiana and Sonia should be hating me after everything that happened, as well as Fedyor and Ivan, but they…” her voice failed and she took a deep breath before continuing "but they're still nice and kind to me when they should be blaming me and hating me."

Her words took him by surprise and he asked "What makes you think that?"

“This is all my fault. They told me to be quiet, but when the Fjerdans threatened to burn them alive, I couldn't keep quiet. I thought that if I…”

"It wasn't you who tortured them. You didn't light their pyres." he interrupted her "It's not your fault."

"But that's not how I feel."

He sat down beside her and saw her staring at her clean hands, as if she could still see the blood she'd spilled.

"Alina, look at me." he asked in a gentle tone and she looked at him "If there's anyone who deserves to be blamed for what happened, it's me." he said "I had enough information to deduce that they would concentrate all their efforts on hunting you down, but I underestimated the danger you were in and it almost cost you all your lives."

"I can't blame you when I know you've done everything you could to keep me safe." she said.

“So blame prejudice, bigotry and discrimination against our people. Blame those who really deserve to carry this guilt." he offered “Blame those who think we should be murdered for being born with gifts they don't understand and don't make the effort to understand or accept. Blame those who have the power to help our people but choose to do nothing. Blame those who don't see us as people. Blame our enemies, Alina.”

"I know you're right, but none of this makes me feel any less guilty." she insisted "None of them would even be in that carriage if it weren't for me and when they realize that, that they almost died because of me, they'll end up hating me."

“Alina, they are all soldiers. All of them have been trained to deal with this type of situation and they know that every mission has its risks. They know each day can be their last and none of them will blame you for something they know is part of the mission.”

“I am also a soldier, I also understand the risks. I know in a war every day can be your last, but it's one thing to be shot to save a comrade or die defending your country and quite another to be tortured and burned alive for being born with a gift, to be sentenced to death for something that wasn't your choice.” she took a deep breath "I can't stop thinking about what happened." she continued in a tone a little louder than a whisper “There was so much hate in their eyes and so much satisfaction as they beat us, while they tortured us. They were laughing, having fun with what they were doing to us. I thought if I told them I was the girl they were looking for, they would release Tatiana and Sonia. I begged them to spare them, to let them go, but they…” her voice failed and she fell silent.

The pain and despair in her voice made his heart ache and without thinking he pulled her against his chest and hugged her. Alina didn't hesitate to snuggle into his lap, her hands gripping the front of his kefta tightly, as if she feared he would let go of her, her head resting on his chest as the cry she should have been holding back for hours finally broke free.

It hadn't been a week since she'd found out she was Grisha and she'd already experienced one of the worst parts: being hunted and watching people she cared about being tortured and nearly killed.

A good part of the Grisha who were born in Ravka and lived in the Little Palace had never met a Fjerdan hunter in their lives and would, perhaps, die without ever meeting one or experiencing something like what those three had. All of them, of course, studied Grisha history and knew, theoretically, the horrors their people had faced in Ravka before the creation of the Second Army and the horrors that the Grisha in other parts of the world still faced. But Alina had had a taste of these horrors long before she had a chance to see and experience from the safety of the Little Palace and learn about those horrors in theory.

He held her even tighter against his chest as her sobs began to shake her body, and he began to stroke her hair.

“It's okay, Alina. You are safe now. I will always protect you. I will do whatever it takes to protect you.” he whispered over and over again.

“I never had another friend besides Mal. And Alexei died before we became real friends. I've kept other people away from me for so long... because... because of my fear that they're getting close to me just because… because they wanted to use me to get close to Mal and… and not because they wanted… to be my friends.” she confessed between sobs.

So he'd been right when he thought she'd shrunk herself down so she could fit into the damn tracker's little world. Aleksander felt that protective instinct clamor for the tracker's blood and he didn't know what he would be able to do if he ran into him again.

Be careful that your protective instinct doesn't end up spoiling your plans., said the voice in his head, Don't forget that Alina is just a tool, a means to an end, the key to making your plan work. Don't let your feelings affect your judgment.

He knew the voice was right, that he should be careful, but he couldn't just turn off his protective instinct.

“But then my life changed completely and…” she continued “and the four of them were so nice and kind to me and… and I thought… I knew they were being sincere…that they… they wanted to be my friends… because of me… because… they liked me… they liked Alina and… and I thought I could be friends with the four of them…" she took a deep breath "but they won't want to be my friends anymore."

Her venting helped him understand how much the idea of losing the friendship of those four terrified her and made him realize that Alina was even lonelier than he had imagined when he heard her venting in the stable.

"That's impossible, Alina." he offered in a gentle tone “Fedyor talked about you a good part of the time we followed the hunters' tracks. And the first thing Tatiana and Sonia did when they became conscious was to ask for you. Their first thought was about you, about your well-being and your safety. And they were worried not because it was their duty to protect you, but because they care about you, they really like you.” she looked at him and he saw how desperate she was to believe his words "None of them will stop being your friend because of what happened."

"But…"

"Alina, trust me, I know them." he interrupted her and wiped her tears gently "Whatever you did or said during the trip won even Ivan."

That made her smile slightly and made her eyes shine with hope "Good, because I like that grumpy too." she said and buried her face in his kefta and continued to cry.

He held her again and only loosened his grip when she stopped crying and looked at him before asking "Is this how the Grisha of Fjerda and Shu Han live?"

"Yes." he replied “For the Fjerdans, we are a race that must be extinguished to re-establish the balance of nature. For the Shu Han, we are creatures that must be studied so that our gifts can be used in other ways.”

"Tatiana told me that there are places where Grisha's blood is considered to be something that can heal everything and that they are kidnapped and drained because of it."

“Unfortunately she's right. It was because they feared this would happen to her that her parents risked crossing the Shadow Fold to bring her to the Little Palace.”

She nodded "I had no idea about all this." she said in a guilty tone “People in the First Army think of the Grisha as privileged and arrogant. There are rumors about what the Fjerdans and Shu do, but we, I mean they, think that you, we deserve to go through that kind of thing because they don't think of us as being part of Ravka.” she looked him in the eye “That night when you told me about the Grisha's life I didn't think it was so cruel. They treated us as if we weren't human, as if we were less than animals. How do other Grisha manage to live like this?”

“They are survivors, Alina. As one, you should know what it's like.”

She took a deep breath and nodded, “I know. You have to learn to live one day at a time. You cling to the hope that the next day will be better than the past day."

He nodded "I'm so sorry you went through all of this."

"I am not." she said in a tone full of certainty “I had a little taste of what our people experience. Now I understand the danger each Grisha is in every day and how they live in fear of not living another day.” she looked him in the eye “I want to make them all pay. The Fjerdans, the Shu Han, all those who hurt our people.” she said, her eyes gleaming with determination “I want to be strong enough to destroy the Shadow Fold. I want to be strong enough to avenge all those they killed. I want to be strong enough to protect our people.”

“You will be, Alina. I promise you will be.” he promised, and he would fulfill that promise when he placed the antlers of Morozova's stag around her neck.

The two of them were silent for a few minutes, warmed by the heat of each other's bodies, enveloped by the night and by the sound of the stream before them and the animals in the forest.

"How did you feel when people tried to kill you?" she asked and that question took him by surprise "Ivan told me that because you are an amplifier, other Grisha have already tried to kill you." he nodded and she repeated "How did you feel when they tried to kill you?"

He thought about it for a few seconds. After centuries of life, he had conditioned himself not to waste time thinking about the various assassination attempts he suffered. And these attempts were not just because he was an amplifier, but also because he was the commander of the Second Army and Ravka's second most powerful man. Not a few people at court envied his position and plotted his downfall, and he was always in danger of being attacked by their enemies when he went to the frontlines.

"I'm so used to people trying to kill me that I barely notice when it happens."

"Was it that many times?" she asked in an alarmed tone and he nodded "Do you remember the first time?"

Yes, he remembered the first time someone had tried to kill him and that was a story only he and his mother knew. He nodded and said "The first time someone tried to kill me, I was thirteen."

"Thirteen?" she repeated in surprise.

"Yes, thirteen." he repeated and looked at her.

The curiosity and anticipation in her eyes made him realize that he wanted to share his experience with Alina and he allowed himself to forget about his plans, he allowed himself to forget who they were. At that moment they were just two human beings sharing about their lives, their experiences, just like that night in the stable. He just needed to be vague about some details and withhold some information so as not to arouse suspicion.

“Because I'm a human amplifier, my mama taught me from an early age to avoid being touched by other people, especially other Grisha. That and the fact that I'm a shadow summoner and that we didn't stay in the same place for long didn't make it much easier to make friends and I always felt very lonely.” he started “I was visiting a Grisha camp with my mama and our plan was to spend the entire winter there and while I was trying to make friends with some kids, one of them, a Tidemaker named Annika, found out that I was an amplifier. I panicked, but she assured me that she wouldn't tell anyone, that she would keep my secret and I trusted her. That was one of the happiest days of my life, and I was excited at the possibility of finally having a friend who not only knew my secret and would keep it, but also wasn't afraid of me because of my shadows. But Annika only kept my secret because she wanted my power for herself and she had a plan to get what she wanted.”

He paused for a few seconds “During dinner that night, she invited me to swim in a hot pond on the outskirts of camp and I accepted. I was so desperate to have a friend, to create some kind of connection with someone other than my mama, that I forgot how dangerous it was for someone else to know I was an amplifier.”

"What about your father?" she asked "Didn't the Darkling visit you?"

My father is dust, he thought.

Baghra had always refused to talk about his father. After centuries of existence, Aleksander had not even managed to discover the name of his own father. The only thing he knew was that he had been a powerful Heartrender and that his mother had only stayed with him long enough to ensure she had achieved her goal, to get pregnant. Whenever he tried to find out more about him, any detail whatsoever, his mother always said the same: He's only dust to you.

For a while he had tried to convince her to take him to meet his father, but Baghra always said the same, that he, Aleksander, would outlive his father in a blink of an eye, and that it would be a waste of time to meet someone who would live so little compared to him, who had eternity ahead of him. For a child, the idea of eternity seemed very abstract, but he had always been very intelligent and smart and, as he grew up and saw more of the Grisha world and life, he had stopped asking about his father and accepted that, even if he was still alive, he would just be dust soon.

His mother had done everything to prepare him to face the world they lived in and he would forever be grateful to her for all she had taught him, but he would also always resent her stubborn refusal to tell him about his father. He understood that she didn't want him to have any kind of bond with someone he would lose in a few years, but even so, he wished she would at least tell him something about him, anything that would tell him what kind of person his father had been.

Even though it bothered him, he always said he was dead when people asked about his father. But unlike what he did in his childhood, he couldn't tell the girl in his arms that his father was dead.

"To be safe, my father only visited us a few times a year." he lied “The Darkling has always had many enemies and if any of them found out where their heir was hiding, they could use me to destroy him and destabilize Ravka even more.” This was the story told over the centuries to justify the fact that the Darkling's heir was only known when the previous Darkling died “It was safer if I didn't stay in one place too long and keep people from finding out I was a shadow summoner.”

"And what was your mother like? Were you two very close?”

"Yes, we were and she was an extraordinary woman and an overprotective mother." he said remembering Baghra.

“What was her name? Was she a Grisha too? Was she a shadow summoner? Did she love the Darkling?” she asked in an excited tone and he tensed “I'm sorry, I couldn't contain my curiosity. It must be very painful to talk about her." said Alina in a tone full of understanding.

He nodded, but the truth was, he didn't want to have to lie to her any further.

"Please continue." she asked "I promise I won't interrupt you again."

He nodded and continued “I knew my mama wouldn't let me go, and if she knew Annika had discovered my secret, she'd take me away from camp immediately. So I waited for her to sleep and went to find Annika.” So many centuries had passed, but that night was etched in his mind “I remember how my heart pounded as I walked through camp and how scared I was of my mama waking up and realizing that I had sneaked out, and at the same time I was looking forward to what awaited me in the forest. I followed the instructions she had given me and after an anxious walk through the moonlit forest, I found the pond and Annika floating on her back in the water. I got in the water and we talked for a while until she decided she was going to dive. I thought the pond was too shallow for that but she assured me she did it all the time and by the time I realized her true intentions it was too late. She used her gift to freeze the water and trap me.”

Aleksander took a deep breath and a gust of cold wind hit them and accentuated the vividness of the memory “At first I thought it was some kind of prank, that she was just trying to show me what she was capable of, to show me that she didn't need an amplifier and that I could trust her. But I was wrong. Annika had pretended she wanted to be my friend so she could lure me to that place and kill me. She didn't want my friendship, she wanted my power, she wanted to wear my bones."

The two were silent for a few seconds “After freezing the pond's surface, Annika picked up a rock and said, I'm sorry, but I need an amplifier. I tried to convince her to let me go, I tried to make her think, to realize what she was about to do, but she had already decided, she would have my bones, she wanted to be powerful enough to protect her family. She started walking towards me and the ice started to crack and I realized she was right, she wasn't strong enough without an amplifier.”

He looked at the water and let the memories flow “Then a boy named Lev, the son of the village leader, who had been teasing Annika and her otkazat’sya sister, appeared. He had followed me there and I saw it as an opportunity. If he also stepped on the ice, maybe it would break and I could break free and run away. So I did the only thing that would make Lev step on the ice. I told him I was an amplifier. The boy did what I expected and the ice cracked even more, but Annika was closer to me and hit my head with the rock.”

He heard Alina gasp and looked at her. With the help of the light of the moon rising in the sky he saw that she was staring at him with real horror in her eyes, one hand covered her mouth as if she wanted to prevent any sound from leaving her and the other landed on his hand in a comforting gesture.

Aleksander thought about not continuing or telling a different version of the truth, but he heard himself saying, “Lev, of course, knew my power would only be his if he killed me and came towards me holding a knife. But Annika wasn't about to let the boy who had been tormenting her sister and her keep my power. She was about to hit me with the rock one more time, so I concentrated on breaking free, on using my legs until the ice finally broke and I broke free.”

He closed his eyes and it was like he was back in that pond fighting for his life “I dove in and started swimming hoping that I was heading towards the shore and fearing that Annika would freeze the pond again. However, before I could get out of the water, she caught me and used her weight to hold me, and before I could free myself from her, Lev was on top of us, his knife poised to take my life. The two fought and screamed and someone put a knee to my chest and forced my head under the water. I felt my lungs burning from lack of oxygen and I thought I would die there, in that place, that night, that one of those two would wear my bones.”

He felt Alina's hand squeeze his, comforting him. He had survived, but even after centuries, Annika's betrayal still bothered him, as if it were an old wound that hadn't completely healed.

“Then I heard my mama's voice in my mind speaking my name. I heard my heart pounding and realized I couldn't surrender. I couldn't let them kill me without fighting for my life. I summoned all the strength I had left and freed one of my arms. I summoned my shadows and I let all my fear and my anger and all the terror of that situation release as I moved my arm toward them. The weight on my chest disappeared and I returned to the surface. After I caught my breath I looked around and saw them. Lev was dead, but Annika was still alive and was trying in vain to stop the bleeding. She asked me for help, but I just watched her until she died.”

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Alina stared at him and there was understanding and sympathy in her eyes. “Seeing the two dead filled me with relief. Relief that I was alive, relief that my secret was safe again, relief that I was finally able to use the cut.” her hand squeezed his “Many tried to kill me after that, so many that I lost count. Not only other Grisha, but otkazat’sya as well and I didn't hesitate to defend myself at any time.”

"I'm so sorry." she said softly.

"I'm not." he said repeating her words and she smiled “Going through this changed my life, it changed the way I saw the world and our people and the way we lived. It was after that that I decided I wanted to create a safe place for the Grisha, where we didn't have to be afraid to be who we are and we could live in peace.”

"Just like your ancestors." she said and he noticed his slip.

It was so easy to get carried away when he was with her. If he was not careful, he would end up telling her all his darkest secrets.

"Just like my ancestors."

“I want to do the same. I want to use my power to make the world safe for the Grisha, not just Ravka's, for all the Grisha.” she said fervently "I don't know how, I don't know how long it will take, but I will dedicate my life to fighting for our people, to creating a safe place for all of us, just like you and the other Darklings did." she promised and he recognized himself, the little boy he had been, in her words.

She's your equal, said the little boy's voice in an excited tone, of course she thinks the same as you.

"This is not an easy task and you will have to shed so much blood to achieve this." he said.

She looked at her hands again and studied them for a few seconds before looking at him "I'll get used to it."

How could he explain, how could he make her understand that, even though it was a just cause, keeping the Grisha safe was a task that required sacrifices? He had lost so many people, he had had to sacrifice so many soldiers and friends for the greater good. He had had to lie, manipulate and betray a lot of people to get the Grisha to the status they currently had. He wanted to be able to tell her who he really was and everything he needed to do until he was able to create the Second Army and build the Little Palace.

"You have no idea what you're saying, Alina." he said in a tone harsher than he'd intended “It's one thing to kill someone to defend yourself and quite another to kill someone to get your worldview realized. You're going to have to make sacrifices, to see people you love, people you care about dying because of a wrong decision you made, you're going to have to get used to living with your hands stained with the blood of both innocents and those of your enemies. Do you understand what I mean?”

"I think so." she said and they were both silent for a few seconds "Back in the tent, you said I was the miracle you had spent your life waiting for and that we would both change the world." she continued and he nodded “I believed every word you said to me and figured we'd do it when we destroyed the Shadow Fold, but now I know it won't change anything for the Grisha. Perhaps the king no longer needs the Second Army and the Grisha of Ravka can dedicate their lives to themselves, but what about the Grisha of the rest of the world?”

"Without the Shadow Fold, they can get to the Little Palace more easily if they so choose." he offered, even though he knew there were many other reasons why Grisha from other countries might not go to Ravka.

“But this is so unfair! None of them should have to leave their homes, their countries, in order to feel safe.” she said and once again he could hear himself in her words “Destroying the Shadow Fold will only be the beginning. If we really want to change the world, we will have to do a lot more.”

How about you listen to what she has to say?, the little boy's voice suggested.

"What are you proposing?"

“I…” she began and was interrupted by a yawn “I still don't know. I just know that I need to do something for all the Grisha and I can't do it alone.”

He placed a hand on her cheek. "You're not alone, Alina."

She placed a hand over his and smiled "And neither are you." she said, and he felt her body relax against his. "Please let me help you protect our people." she begged.

He wondered if he could share with her the heavy burden that was his plan to use the Shadow Fold as a weapon against their enemies. Alina seemed so sure of what she wanted, so determined to fight for the well-being and safety of the Grisha that he couldn't help but feel hope.

Aleksander realized that maybe he wouldn't need to lie and manipulate his Sun Summoner. Maybe that terrible experience was enough to make her see things from his point of view and make her want to willingly help him in his plan. It would be a dream come true to have her, the centerpiece of his plan, working alongside him as his equal, aware of his intentions, voluntarily helping him, agreeing to everything.

She's just a scared girl and she's only saying all this because she's in shock, whispered a voice in his mind, give her some time, let her enjoy the safety of the Little Palace and Alina will get over everything that happened here and forget about her promises of revenge and her desire to help the Grisha.

As much as he wanted to share the weight of his burden and have her willing cooperation, he was obligated to agree with the voice. Alina was shaken by everything that had happened, and even after seeing the happiness and satisfaction in her eyes when he swore he would cover Fjerda with darkness and even though she persisted in her desire to help the Grisha, he doubted someone like her would agree to expand the Shadow Fold rather than destroy it.

No, as much as he wanted to share that burden with someone, with her, he knew he was alone.

"How about we have this conversation when you learn to control your power?" he asked.

When the memories of the promises you made and what happened today are not so fresh in your mind, he thought.

She pursed her lips, like she was a spoiled child who hadn't gotten her way, but nodded, "I promise I'll have a plan by then."

She yawned again and, to his surprise, she laced her fingers with his, snuggled into his body, both her hands holding his against her chest and closed her eyes. By reflex, his other arm pulled her tighter against him.

There, curled up in his lap, she looked nothing like the girl who had killed her enemies without hesitation hours ago.

"Alina, what did you say to the Fjerdan before he died?" he asked.

She moaned softly and squeezed his hand held between hers, as if she feared he would take it from her "I told him I would offer his people the same mercy he offered mine." she yawned again and added "And that I would learn to use my power and reduce Fjerda to ashes." she smiled "It will be so much fun and satisfying to watch them all burn."

Her words, the truth and certainty contained in them, astounded him. Alina was a stubborn girl, but he didn't believe her willingness to bring destruction to the Fjerdans would last long. Shedding the blood of her enemies to save her own life was one thing, doing it in cold blood was another, and he didn't think she, even after all she'd been through, could do it.

Careful not to wake her, he used his free hand to wrap his cloak around her, shielding her from the cool night air. Holding her in his arms soothed him and he allowed himself to watch her for a few minutes. The wounds and bruises on her face had been healed and her face had returned to just its usual paleness, her eyes were slightly swollen from her crying, and the dark circles under her eyes left her looking tired.

With her asleep, he could see and examine her half Shu features and the beauty in each of them. Though what he liked most about Alina's face were her eyes and the stubbornness and curiosity that was always there, he couldn't help noticing how their shape matched so perfectly with the rest of her features.

He waited until she was completely asleep to free his hand, then took her in his arms and carried her back to camp.

Everyone else had already gone to sleep and the oprichniki who were on guard watched him silently as he carried her to the tent where Tatiana and Sonia were already sleeping. Carefully, he laid Alina down on the furs still wrapped in his cloak, covered her and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

For a few seconds, he watched her sleep, her face serene and looking so much younger than she was. He looked at two other girls and smiled. His two brave girls had been through so much in their lives and now had survived an encounter with Fjerdan hunters. He went to Tatiana, made sure she was properly covered by the blankets, and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Then he went to Sonia and did the same.

Before leaving the tent, he looked at each of them again to make sure they were okay and only then did he leave.

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mcheang · 1 year

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Shadow and Bone S2 E5 recap

Spoiler alert

Aleksander does not move back to Os Alta but to his base. While Fruzsi reminds him of strategic moves to control Ravka, he is focused on Alina Starkov. Oh, meanwhile David escaped and is with Alina. Adrik’s wound cannot be healed, so his arm is cut off. Huh, so Nina wasn’t actually loyal to Kirigan after all, before the Fold expansion. Anyway, Tolya and Zoya found the Crows and offer them the job but Kaz refuses to involve Inej, but she joins to serve Alina. Anyway, they find the thief who had stolen the blade. That was fast. In Shu Han, they try to make a deal with the Disciple’s representative but she knows they will not pay money.

Baghra doesn’t care about titles

Genya and Baghra find Alina in the tunnels. Genya avoids David so he won’t see her face but he might think she is angry at him for deserting her. Anyway, Nikolai wants Genya to stand trial but Alina defends her and Baghra calls him out on his family’s crime, sorta. Tatiana discovers Genya and wants her arrested until Genya also calls her out for not defending her. Nikolai also blames his mother, who doesn’t accept the blame.

David has his version of a love confession to Genya. See, your scars don’t matter. Baghra suggest Alina block the Darkling via their tether. She visits him via tether to try sweet talk him (not convincing btw but the Darkling is so obsessed he actually falls for it), and her powers are kind of wrecking the tunnels. Mal returns and snaps her out of it when she is trying to sever the tether. Mal and Alina argue. Alina accuses him of not caring enough and he accuses her of moving too fast, until Alina says saving Ravka is all that matters, and Mal ends their relationship. Yeah, he is actually dealing with this much better than book Mal. Show Mal is modest and loyal, though I wish he would fight for Alina, even he can see that he has no place in her plans for Ravka beyond the firebird. At Shu Han, Zoya tells Nina to give up on Matthias. Nina claimed they were free, and she was forced loyal to be Ravka because she was born there. Zoya points out that Matthias in now in hellgate, and Nina abandoned Ravka when they needed her. At Hellgate, Pekka arrives. Matthias’ cellmate wants revenge since Pekka caused the death of his sworn brother Demyan. But Pekka beats him to death, as Matthias is restrained. Pekka rallies the prisoners to follow his lead. Now Matthias wants revenge on Pekka. Hard to properly punish a criminal if he is already in jail where the system is corrupt. Baghra gives Alina counselling as Alina confesses so much of her strength and confidence was because the Darkling taught her this. Baghra agrees to help Alina find the firebird. This is so OOC. Baghra hates anything merzost-related. Nikolai plans to send his mother to a convent for safety. Of course she doesn’t want to leave her son, or the Grand Palace behind forever. But Nikolai is firm that Ravka must change. Alina returns Nikolai his ring and he gives her his compass. Though I must that gift is better suited to come from Mal with the whole true north thing. Anyway, the Darkling has given up on Alina’s alliance and refocuses on conquering Ravka.

In Shu Han, the Crows, Tolya and Zoya underestimate the thief. Seriously, at least be prepared for booby traps. A mythical item is not going to be stolen so easily and the security will be challenging.

Is no one going to acknowledge the missing Ivan and Fedyor, or the fact that Marie died?! Poor Nikolai, there’s no one left with him now. I admit I’m sad about this deterioration in the relationship in Darklina. If Alina has to hate the Darkling, can’t she at least know why he created the Fold!!! Also, you don’t provoke a powerful man like Kirigan like that. If she wanted to burn the bone shard out of his hand, fine, but don’t toy with his feelings, it will make the vengeance stronger.

#shadow and bone season 2 episode 5 #shadow and bone spoilers #shadow and bone netflix

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aleksanderscult · 3 months

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Was the Darkling that much of a liar as the fandom makes him to be?

Because it's literally one thing for a character to truly lie every other page and another for the reader to have been tricked by the narrative that he's a compulsive liar.

If we thoroughly search and find his lying moments in the Grisha trilogy then it would be these:

“I don’t want to answer you.”

“Oh.”

Then he sighed and said, “One hundred and twenty. Give or take.”

After a moment, the Darkling said, “My great-great-great-grandfather was the Black Heretic, the Darkling who created the Shadow Fold.”

“How?” I pleaded. “How am I supposed to do that?”

“By helping me destroy the Shadow Fold.”

“What’s Baghra’s power, anyway?”

“I’m not sure,” he said. “I think she was a Tidemaker.”

“Because every day we don’t find the sea whip, I’ll peel away a piece of her skin. Slowly. Then Ivan will heal her, and the next day, we’ll do it all over again.”

“Where are they? ” I screamed.

“They are safe. For now. They will be on my skiff when I enter the Fold again.”

“As hostages,” I said dully.

He nodded.

So in the whole trilogy the Darkling lied six times. Four if you count the scenes before he was revealed as the "evil guy".

His first real conversation with Alina is considered both by the protagonist and the fandom as manipulative and shady. He lied about his identity, age and true goal. Now let's take it from the beginning.

The fact that he lied about his age and identity wasn't something personal against Alina. This is the exact same lie he had been telling the world for four hundred years as a means of survival and staying as head of the Grisha. Also, did we really expect him to say "Yeah, I was the one who created the Fold. Hehe what can you do?☺️". We would be lying too if we were in his place.

Another thing that needs to be understood here is that the Darkling was testing her. He was trying to see what her personality is like, how does she feel about her newfound powers and, most importantly, what has she heard and how does she feel about him. I'm pretty sure that he was kinda sure that Alina would have been influenced by the people's views about him. And he was right. Alina was afraid of him thanks to the rumors and superstitions that surround him. If she also knew who he truly was then she would run from that barn ASAP.

Now let's see the next lie that the Darkling spat out. The one where he told her that he needs her to destroy the Fold. This was another test. Trying to see how she would react if she knew her true purpose as the Sun Summoner that everybody expected.

Apparently she failed that test as well:

Alina panicked when she heard that the realm's future lies on her shoulders, when she understood that she would be the one to destroy the Shadow Fold. Imagine how she would react if the Darkling said "Okay look. I need you so I can use the Fold against some nations, not destroy it". Yup, she would scream and run.

There's no way the Darkling would say the truth to her, especially since he saw how frightened and prejudiced she was about him and how clueless she was about the whole economical and political situation Ravka was at this point.

He was waiting for the Sun Summoner to be born and emerge for centuries. He would never risk losing her now because of her narrow views and some brutal truths. It was a matter of life and death for him in order to protect his country. And this girl was too young, too naive to understand.

So no. He didn't do it because he had something personal against her or to seduce her. He did it for the good of his country so this girl would stay no matter what.

Sadly, it's evident that in the end the Darkling's suspicions proved to be right. She run away. And when he found her he chastised her about her selfishness and her inability to see the bigger picture.

“Did you deserve my trust? Baghra whispers a few accusations in your ear, and off you go. Did you ever stop to think of what it would mean for me, for all of Ravka, if you just disappeared?”

“You didn’t give me much choice.”

“Of course you had a choice. And you chose to turn your back on your country, on everything that you are.”

“That isn’t fair.”

“Fairness!” he laughed. “Still she talks of fairness. What does fairness have to do with any of this? The people curse my name and pray for you, but you’re the one who was ready to abandon them. I’m the one who will give them power over their enemies. I’m the one who will free them from the tyranny of the King.”

The Darkling was right, she did have a choice. I once heard a line from a show that said "In life we always have a choice. But sometimes it's easier to think that you don't" and it applies to Alina here perfectly. She had a choice but she said to herself that she didn't. And by doing so, she only proved Aleksander right. She can't handle the truth.

Now the next lie is when he lied about his mother's powers. Don't have to dwell here because it's the same thing as before. It's the same lie he tells everyone "I don't know. I'm not sure". The Darkling (publicly) has distanced himself from his mother and keeps that relationship a secret. It's just part of his persona (just like his age, his identity etc.). Again nothing personal against Alina.

The next one is just some clever emotional manipulation. When he made clear to Mal that he would curve Alina's skin he knew that the threat was just enough. He has seen them act all cutie-cutie and being sacrificial for the sake of each other to a disgusting point so he took advantage of that (I say good for him).

And the last one is just my personal favourite if you ask me. That strategy he displayed there was my most favourite that he ever showed. Since he knew again how the threat would be enough for Alina to come to him like fish on a bait. He embraced his villainous persona and pretended that he would hurt those children if she didn't surrender to him. But he knew better. Mindless heroism would just bring her right into his net and again he was proved right until everything fucked up and died.

In his own words:

“I know what you thought, what you’ve always thought of me. It’s so much easier that way, isn’t it? To puff yourself up with your own righteousness.”

Just some delicious shit actually.

So, in conclusion, no. He wasn't a compulsive liar. But when he needed to lie he did and only for (as he saw it) selfless reasons. In fact, he mostly either evaded the truth or spoke truth. So misinformation just spilled that man's reputation lmao.

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kasagia · 5 months

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❄️️Warm my heart pt. 6❄️️

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/ The Darkling x fem! heartrender! reader Summary: Lots of things are happening. And you're going to learn something completely new about Aleksander… Warning(s): furious Aleksander and his shadows shed blood; Word Count: 3,6 k Taglist:@aoi-targaryen @budugu @flostvs1508 ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova’s Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 5 ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 7 ~•♤♤♤•~

Dressed in a nightgown, you were already going to bed when suddenly there was a knock on your chambers.

You frown, not knowing who it could be at this late in the night. Well... you couldn't say you didn't have some hopes about the identity of your late-night guest.

"Aleksander?" you ask, opening the door.

There is no one there. You frown and walk out of the safety of your chambers. You take a look around, searching for anyone in the quiet, dark corridor. You notice that the torches have been extinguished faster than usual, leaving only one in the middle of the passageway.

You listen to your surroundings and hear the two heartbeats, which probably came from the guards patrolling the corridors. It does not arouse any suspicions in you, so you shrug and decide to go back to your room and ignore this strange situation.

You suspect that these are some young Grishas playing instead of sleeping. The youngest summoners have already played various tricks and jokes on the inhabitants of the Little Palace several times.

You change your mind when suddenly a wet cloth is pressed to your nose and someone's arms wrap around you. You fight against your attacker, trying to scream, but all you manage to do is scratch him. You fall limply to the floor as the substance takes effect, and before you completely pass out, you're kicked in the stomach.

Aleksander rubbed his hand over his forehead as he read the latest reports from the fold. Another failed transport. More Grishas were killed. He shuddered, placing the paper on the desk. This wasn't supposed to be like this. The Volcra were supposed to attack the king's men, the Fjerdans... not his people.

With every day in the Little Palace, with every news of his men dying in the fold... every time you offered to move to West Ravka with the others to personally supervise the transfer, he felt the bile rising in his throat. He would correct his mistake. He will move the fold and widen it so that it serves him as it should. He just had to get that stag and the powers of the Sun Summoner.

"General." Ivan enters the war room with Fedyor and Inferni. "We have a problem."

"As always." He sighs and gets up from the desk. He goes to the bar to pour himself some whiskey. "What happened this time?"

"There was an attack on the eastern wing. Alina was the target." he freezes for a moment, pours himself a drink, and turns back to his men.

"Sun Summoner?"

"Alive and safe. But it is not everything. The rebels took hostages. They barricaded themselves in the training room. They have Fjerdans' technology, blocking our powers. And…"

"And?"

"We can't find Y/N." Fedyor takes Ivan's place by delivering the news. Aleksander's eyes are fixed blankly on the heartrender as he processes his words.

This one sentence makes him stop seeing or hearing anything. He feels his shadows slowly begin to take over the room as he allows his power to slip away for a slight moment when he creates a plan in his head.

"I want all of you on the east wing. Every single one of you who is usually coming to the mission with me, no inexperienced greenhorns."

Before they can answer him, he already leaves the room and storms to where the rebels are supposed to be.

Aleksander was not famous for his mercy, and he certainly would not show it to those who dared to enter HIS palace. They wanted to kill his Sun Summoner and deprive him of the source of power that was a key element of his plan. But what sealed their long, painful, slow death at his hands and shadows was that they dared to take HIS SECOND-IN-COMMAND from him.

HIS HEARTRENDER. HIS Y/N.

He practically ran to the east wing. He didn't notice anything around him. All Aleksander could think about was you. He has already figured out seven different plans for how to rescue you and get you back into his arms.

Involuntarily, he remembered the last time he tried to save someone from his enemies... someone who had not made it out alive.

No. He shook his head and passed the Grishas, who were beginning to gather outside the training room at his command. You weren't Luda. He promised himself that you wouldn't end up like her... even if he had to create a second fold to protect you.

He vaguely remembers nodding at Zoya. She summoned a wind that blew the door off its hinges, and he entered first with the cut already formed and his shadows filling the room. He controlled himself enough not to kill anyone in the room until he located exactly where you were.

But the problem was that you WEREN'T there.

His heart sinks as he imagines you with a deadly wound, blood pouring out of you, forming a pool beneath you somewhere on the grounds of the Little Palace, a place that he made—a place that was supposed to be free from the death of any Grishas. ESPECIALLY YOURS.

"Where is my heartrender?!"

His question receives no answer. In a fit of rage, he growls menacingly, his shadows wrapping around one of the attackers. He dies practically on the spot, only able to utter a few screams that satisfy Aleksander enough to regain full control over himself.

He takes a few intimidating steps towards the man who is trembling the most of all the rebels on the ground, held down by Ivan. The sound of his heavy boots bounces off the floor and spreads throughout the completely silent room.

"I'll ask one last time." one step further. "Where." next step. "Is." he stands directly above him and puts his foot on his chest, pinning him to the ground. A little harder, and he knows he'll break a few ribs. "MY SECOND-IN-COMMAND?"

"She… she escaped… with some of yours..." he hums at this answer, pride rising within him to hear that his little heartrender managed to get out. And judging by the few dead bodies, she did it in style.

He presses his boot with greater force against the man on the floor. Spurs begin to dig into his chest.

"Wait! WAIT! I can tell you more! Do not kill me!" the man struggles beneath him, trying to relieve the pressure of the spur on his chest.

"You broke into my palace and wanted to kill the Sun Summoner and my second-in-command. Do you really think I will fulfil your pathetic cries for life?" one lifts his hand, and a small turn of the fingers and shadows surround the terrified man at his command. "Besides, I've heard enough from you. Not your screams, though..."

And with that, desperate screams began to echo throughout the room as he and his men interrogated the attackers.

You were sitting in the healers' infirmary. You were eating a cupcake when Fedyor was screaming at you.

"You are completely irresponsible! They could have killed you!"

"But they didn't." you say, munching on a muffin. The healer managed to heal most of your wounds before Fedyor arrived, but the heartrender managed to see the effects of your escape.

"We were worried. You're lucky the general didn't see what they did to you. They're lucky. Although I doubt he'll show them any mercy, they're probably dying anyway for daring to attack the Little Palace and trying to kill you as well as others of ours."

"Please, we both know where the general is now and where his priorities are." you huff, reaching for another cupcake that some nice healer brought you. You don't recall his name, though.

"Where, supposedly?" he asks, raising an eyebrow at you.

"With Alina." you say, shrugging. Disbelief crosses your friend's face before he groans loudly in torment. You frown at him in confusion. "What? Am I wrong? After all, she was the target. He's probably wiping her tears away with his handkerchief or something."

"I have no strength against you. How many times do I have to tell you that he doesn't want Alina? And not. Don't start with your stupid nonsense about equals, more equals, fate, or opposites attracting. It doesn't work like that here between them. The sooner you get off your ass and do something, the shorter I will have to endure your outbursts of jealousy, and Ivan will have to endure the general's outbursts."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Please, who do you think tracked down who you were corresponding with and intercepted Mal's letter for him? Ivan didn't even have time to finish his report. He ran out of the war room as if he had been scalded, almost crumpling Ortsev's letter in his hand. I remember because I was walking Genio to the Grand Palace, and we almost stepped under his feet. It's good that he controls himself and doesn't summon his shadows in a fit of emotion, because every week, even every day, we would have to organise funerals for our people because our general created a second fold because of you."

You blush slightly and clear your throat before taking another muffin.

"And yet he's not here."

"Because I believe that right now he is disembowelling those who knocked you out as an act of his undying love for you." you roll your eyes at him. You both shut up as the healer returns with some vials for you.

"Here. Just in case the dizziness persists." you smile sweetly at him and thank him while taking the vials from him. The healer blushes slightly. Fedyor rolls his eyes at you and clears his throat.

“Let's go, Y/N. Before there are any more wounded… or dead.”

"I'll join you soon." you say, nodding at him to leave.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." he sighs in defeat and leaves the infirmary.

You turn around, giving your full attention to the healer. He was sweet. And after everything that happened, he was a nice break from your daily dramas. Plus, he had something you really liked.

"Is that a moonstone?" you ask with a kind smile, pointing to the bracelet he was wearing.

"Oh yes." he says sheepishly, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. "A durasts friend did this to me. Some people believe that it can help attract love into one's life."

"Aww. That's really beautiful." you see how he becomes ashamed under your gaze.

"Umm…thank you. If I can help you in any way, you know where to find me." you nod and thank him once again before he disappears into the glove compartment, probably to restock medical supplies.

You sigh and jump to the ground from your seat in the medical chair. You take another cupcake. You are unwrapping the paper around it when suddenly the door to the infirmary opens with a loud bang.

You turn around, coming face-to-face with Aleksander. The tension on his face strangely disappears the moment his eyes meet yours. You see (and hear through his heartbeat) how he relaxes at the sight of you.

"Y/N." he sighs and walks over to you as his steps in his heavy shoes echo in the silence of the still-empty sall.

Before you can do anything, his hands tangle in your hair, bringing you close to him as his lips catch yours in a sudden kiss.

You gasp in shock, still holding a cupcake in your hand. You moan as you realise what he is doing and start to respond to his kiss.

At first, he gently brushes his lips against yours, testing the waters to see how far he can go with you. When he realises that you are willingly moving your lips and tongue against his, he makes it deeper.

You are pulled closer to him. His other hand is grabbing your waist and pressing you against him, making sure to feel every little inch of your body.

You tremble at the feeling of his hands all over you. And you want more. Much more than this.

When your tongue meets his, you feel like you are in heaven. He moans as he tastes the chocolate in the muffins you've been eating and kisses you with even more zeal.

You're lost to everything else; it is only you and him. His body against yours; his lips, stealing your breath and hands, holding you still on the ground.

His hand cups your cheek gently, his thumb caressing your skin tenderly with all the delicacy he has, which you are probably the only one witnessing. You feel his wandering hand finally land on your neck, right where your pulse is, which is now beating much faster because of him.

He presses his hand there, wanting, at all costs, to feel your heart palpitations. And as you try to process any thought in your brain that doesn't involve his lips on yours, you realise that right now you would do anything for him... in fact, you always have, and you would do anything for him. And it scares you just as much as it fills you with that strange, warm feeling. You know how it's called, but you were still too afraid to admit it to yourself.

So you decide to enjoy the moment. Your hands land in his hair, pulling him closer to you. Only his soft, breathtaking moan makes you realise where you are and that no one should definitely find you making out with the General... at least not until you're sure what you're feeling towards him.

Despite his tight grip on you, you manage to pull away just enough so that his lips don't capture yours again and take your mind off you with his silver tongue.

"Aleksander..." you whisper, your voice shaky and hoarse. And if you look the same as him, then you have red, slightly swollen lips, dishevelled hair, and wrinkled kefta.

"I thought… I thought they got you for a while…" he admits, resting his forehead against yours. You see all the dark thoughts come back to him again as he frowns and closes his eyes. You cup his cheek and stroke it with concern, trying to snap him out of all the bad scenarios he's prepared in his head. "When Fedyor said you were here… I thought the worst."

"I'm tougher than you think. And you really should listen to the end of what they have to say." you try to joke, but the look he gives you shows that he's not finding it funny in this situation at all.

"I don't want to find out. Ever." he says, pressing you to his chest in a tight embrace. "I need you to be safe… All of us need it…"

"Don't." you say, tilting your head to look at him. His dark eyes stare into yours as if hypnotized. "Just don't do this shitty talk. I... not after this."

"Maybe you've right... I think it's too late for us, isn't it?" he asks. You both know the answer, but you're not ready to say it out loud yet. This is enough for you for now. Being in the safety of each other's arms. "Let's get out of here. I believe you want to get back to your chambers."

"Not exactly." you say, shuddering at the memory of what happened to you a few hours ago.

"I should've made them pay worse for what they did…" he begins threateningly, thinking about these men, but he softens at the sight of your anxious state—a very rare sight that already makes his heart ache. "C'mon, milaya. I will take care of you." he takes your hand in his so gently and tenderly that you're sure you'd follow him to hell if he wanted.

But all he wants is to hold you as close to him as possible.

And you let him. Without any hesitations.

You were lying on his bed. Your kefta was folded and laid on the chair. He took his own off a long time ago since it was all covered in blood.

You were just cuddling. His face was nuzzled into your neck as you ran your fingers through his hair. You both needed this moment of closeness between you. To feel at least a little peace in the other's arms, tender touch, and lazy kisses placed on various parts of the body. The fact that he was shirtless only helped.

"Fjerdans found out that Sun Summoner was getting stronger. They sent some of their people here to kill her. They managed to get into Little Palace, just like it was a damn park. Also… Alina told me you were the one who rescued her."

"I did." you confirm, too busy with drawing patterns on his bare back (he insisted on taking off his shirt, even though you could see there wasn't any blood on the black material) to show much interest in talking about Alina.

"Why?"

"What why? Aren't you happy?"

"I am. But… Ivan told me that… she isn't your favourite person."

"You should stop asking other people about me. You are not at war with me; you do not need to find out about my weaknesses, preferences, tell others to keep an eye on me, and other things before confrontation. You just need to ask me. Besides, I like Alina. She is an amazing friend and sweet soul."

"But?"

"But… she just makes me… question my position at your side." you admit, ashamed. He grabs your chin softly and makes you look into his eyes as he grabs your hands in his.

"If I know something, I know that you belong here." he says, placing a kiss on your joined hands. "So never doubt in anything… there is… there is no one else like you. And I don't mean your powers. I mean you. My Y/N. The one who didn't turn her back at me. The one who can see through my façade and see the real me and who trusts my judgement without any questions… well, usually." he makes you laugh, at which he is smiling, admiring the sound he loved more than any music he has heard in the long centuries he has lived.

"You are my general." you say, shrugging your arms. As if it were enough of an answer to his words.

"Only?" he asks, with an almost teasing smile on his face.

"No... not anymore." you admit, making him blush a little.

He cleans his throat and wraps his arms tighter around you. He places a kiss on your temple and sighs.

"I have been waiting a long time for... for something like this." he whispers in your hair.

You prop yourself up on your elbow and kiss him sweetly and lovingly. He deepens the kiss, cupping your cheek into his hand and pulling you closer to him so you're underneath him. His hand wanders under your blouse when suddenly there's a knock on his door.

You both moan softly in unison and in disbelief. You reluctantly pull your lips away from him and he rests his forehead against yours.

He licks his lips, shifting his gaze from your eyes to the door. You laugh at how undecided he is looking right now. You can't help but kiss him softly.

"Go. I will wait here for you." you assure him with a true smile of utter happiness.

You see a disgruntled frown form on his forehead as he knits his eyebrows. He sighs heavily and reluctantly gets out of bed and goes to the closet. You roll onto your stomach and swing your legs as you watch him choose clothes from his closet.

"You'd better do it." he says, putting on his shirt. He smirks at you teasingly when he sees you staring at his chest.

He leans towards you and tangles his hand in your hair, pulling you in for a passionate kiss. You moan into his mouth as he bruises yours in a searing kiss, as if he's trying to make sure you won't forget the feeling and taste of his lips on yours.

"You really should go." you whisper, pulling away from him and laying back on the pillows.

"Are you that willing to kick me out of my own bed?" he asks, stroking his hand over your ankle and moving his hand higher to your knee. You curse the pants you're wearing now.

"Contrary. That's why you have to go now." he doesn't take your words to heart. He leans over you and tucks your hair behind your ear.

"Don't move from here." he whispers before pressing his lips hungrily onto yours one last time. You moan as his hand gently cups your neck, positioning you at a better angle for him to freely play with your tongue.

The bastard takes your breath away again and leaves you blushing on his bed. Before he leaves, he gives you one last long look and gives you such a wonderful smile that you can't help but watch him until he disappears out the door.

You sigh, laying back on the pillows and placing your hand over your mouth as you allow yourself to giggle with happiness like a stupid, lovestruck teenager. You completely forgot everything that happened today. All that mattered was him and how he felt pressed against you.

You hear a knock on his door. Without much thought, you get out of bed and walk over to them, fully convinced it's Aleksander.

"Did you forget something?" you ask, opening the door only to see the only person you didn't expect to see ever in your life again. "Baghra?"

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wfmrish · 1 year

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Shadow and Bone Review

Leigh Bardugo's debut novel and the first book of the trilogy with the same name, ‘Shadow and Bone’ is the perfect for non fantasy readers to dip their toes in the world of magic users and fictional warring worlds. The book has amazing world-building, making the readers often forget that the kingdom of Ravka is not real. It is inspired by Russia, the birthplace of the author, with the king and queen acting as placeholders for the tsar and tsarina.

The book follows the protagonist Alina Starkov, an orphan girl in the kingdom of Ravka. She grows up with her friend, Mal, unaware of her true Grisha powers as a sun summoner (the power of summoning light from the darkness). She first discovers her powers when Mal’s life is in danger in the Unsea, a sea of complete darkness, also called the Shadow Fold. The Unsea divides Ravka into two and is very dangerous to cross with beasts known as Volcra feeding on unfortunate travelers. Alina’s powers bring her into the spotlight and she is taken to the capital of Ravka, Os Alta to train with other Grisha. The Darkling, the leader of all Grisha, believes her to be the key to destroying the shadow Fold once and for all and to bring peace to all Ravkans. What everyone didn't realize was that the Darkling who was supposed to be their savior was actually the very Black Heretic who had created the Unsea in the first place. His plan, in reality, was to use Alinas powers to further spread the Shadow Fold and control it to make a weapon out of it. Any kingdom which opposed Ravka would be a victim of the Unsea. However, his plans were foiled when Alina took control of her own powers and fled from the Darkling with Mal. They took refuge in West Ravka, hoping and praying their past wouldn't catch up with them.

The novel sets the stage for its sequel to be even more thrilling and encapturing. Bardugo reminds with her writing the most delectable features of fantasy which makes it hard to quit. She creates a setting one can get lost into. This is the true aim for every writer and Bardugo managed to achieve it in her very first book. Everything about the story, from the character building including the magical race of the Grisha who are not so different from humans except the thing which sets them apart, their use of the ‘little science’ (as magic is referred to in the book), to the separate characters themselves. Alina and the Darkling contrast each other so well you can't help but enjoy their chemistry; and the ever present Mal, the protagonist's childhood best friend who turns out to return her romantic feelings after all. The novel had all the cliche tropes in a way that didn't seem too forced and that is a feat in itself.

#book review

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 1 year

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What Was Aleksander Thinking (The Creation Of The Fold)

So a while ago, and I do mean a long while ago, I made this post where I explored what I thought Aleks may have been thinking during the events of Alina running away, at the time I was all hey I’m going to make a whole series out of these posts and explore other events and Aleks thoughts and emotions during them... and then I, you know, didn’t. But then two things happened, the season 2 trailer came out which seems to have reinvigorated my interest in the show and I got bored enough to decide to rewatch the show then sit down and write this post. Aleks is such a complex and interesting character that I can’t help but be intrigued by him. The scene/event I decided to explore this time is the flashback that takes place in ep 7 showing how the fold came to be created. I think this flashback tells us alot about how Aleks feels and copes with his immortality and also how he comes to think and feel about the fold. Obviously this is all my own interpretation of the character and my own thoughts on him, there also will be spoilers for show.

The flashback from the very start sets up a very tense atmosphere by showing Aleks riding through the night with some urgency. I’ve always wondered where it was he was returning from but whilst that is unclear, what is obvious is that Aleks is tense and on his guard. As he approaches the home he is looking around, I am assuming to check that he wasn’t followed. He very much has the air of someone has been or is worried about being chased or hunted. When he sees Luda he is very clearly relieved to see her alive and unharmed. Again this sets the scene that this world is unsafe and that these characters are in danger. In an attempt to reassure him Luda tells him that she’s not as fragile as she once was. This got me wondering if Luda had previously been injured leading to a period of time where she was recovering which in turn lead to Aleks becoming more worried and protective over her. Another possibility is that her powers used to be weaker than they are now and it was Aleks who trained Luda to grow her powers which in turn lead to her becoming stronger. It does seem either way that Aleks worries alot about Luda and her safety, as one would when they love someone and they are living in a dangerous political climate. When Aleks replies that he doesn’t think her fragile just mortal this shows that he thinks about how he will outlive her and this seems to be something that plagues him, he clearly fears losing her and talking about her mortality clearly reminds him of this fear of losing her. It is right after he says ‘just mortal’ that he then tells her it isn’t safe outside and tries to usher her inside. But Luda stops him and again tries to reassure him by saying she could live a long life with an amplifier and some training, maybe even another 100 years. However this only serves to make Aleks sadder as it only reminds him of the difference in their mortality or lack thereof. Whilst 100 years seems a long time to Luda its not to him, after all what is 100 years next to eternity. It’s a reminder of her much shorter and fleeting lifespan and how time is an enemy that he cannot fight. Time is something he cannot protect her from and ultimately even if she hadn’t befell a tragic death, time would have been what took her from him.

Their conversation being interrupted by the king’s soldiers shouting nearby, along with Luda informing Aleks that there had been raids on her village where they had called for all known grisha adds a new layer of tension to the situation, not only has this conversation reminded him of their different lifespans and of Luda’s mortality he is now reminded of the dangerous political climate in which they are living and the risk to Luda that comes from the King’s men due to her being grisha and also because of her connection to him. He immediately goes into protective mode but what is really interesting is his instinct isn’t to stay and fight but instead to pack up as quickly as possible and run. His main concern isn’t retaliating against the King’s men but making sure Luda gets away safely. When they hear the horses outside the fear they are both feeling is clear but again Aleks immediately goes into planning mode with Luda’s safety being his main concern. Aleks comes up with a plan that they have used before in Ryevost. Aleks’ goals and thoughts are made clear with this plan. He wants to protect Luda but he also wants to deal with the King’s men in a peaceful manner that involves as little blood shed as possible. It is possible that the men gathered outside now were men that he served with during his time as Anastas’ military adviser. It is possible that some of the men out there were once his friends and people he trusted only for them to turn their backs on him and hunt him down. The purpose of having Luda heal him whilst he is shot with arrows is to scare the soldiers. Seeing a man get shot but then simply pull the arrow out and carry on is naturally unnerving. Aleks is hoping that his reputation of being this powerful being who can’t be hurt by arrows will scare the soldiers enough that they will flee before he has to use force against them to defend himself, lessening any blood shed. I very much got the impression that this more peaceful approach was the one Aleks would usually use. He is aware that the men fear him and his powers and so he uses that to his advantage and you can see to start with it is working, as he pulls the arrows out and seems unaffected the King’s men begin to back away in fear. Whilst Aleks remains mostly calm we do see some anger when he brings up Anastas. It is clear that he has alot of anger and disgust at this man who he helped and who we can assume he was close friends with and who is now hunting him and his people down. Just mentioning that he has a message for the King brings up the betrayal Aleksander feels all over again. His anger can be heard in the way he spits out the message and you can hear how passionately angry he feels not at how the King is trying to harm him but at the King for hunting down the grisha. He doesn’t say if you try to harm me he says if you try to harm even one more grisha. It’s the grisha that are his main focus even when he himself is being threatened and shot with arrows.

There is a shift in power at this point though when Luda is discovered. Aleks who previously had the power and was the one commanding and controlling the situation is now at the mercy of the King’s men. His demeanour changes immediately, you can clearly see his fear for Luda and he surrenders to the soldiers and goes straight into bargaining mode. It is clear that he is very aware of how much danger Luda is in with the way he pretty much begs them to take both of them to the King. He knows that the King’s men know that he loves Luda and that is something they can exploit and use to hurt him, he knows from the moment that Luda is caught what is going to happen, he knows that those men will show Luda no mercy, that in fact they would take delight in making Aleks feel afraid, of having power over Aleks and causing him pain. Having to watch Luda die is devasting for Aleks and you can see his despair and feeling of helplessness in the moment. The way he whispers ‘I’m sorry’ to her also shows that he feels some responsibility and guilt for her death.

His grief quickly turns to blinding rage though when the soldier asks if he still has a message for the king. I think the mention of Anastas at that moment again brings up all the betrayal, hurt, anger and hate that Aleks feels towards Anastas and I think he just starts replaying all the things Anastas has done, that the King is someone who Aleks considered a friend, that Aleks won wars for him only for him to turn around and hunt him down and his people. I think in this moment he is remembering every village that was raided, every grisha that was killed and every time they had to uproot and run to avoid being killed. Aleks knows that the soldiers are there on Anastas’ orders and at the mention of him all of Alek’s rage at the soldiers and Anastas combine with his grief and pain over Luda’s death and he just snaps. It’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back and the moment any notion of a peaceful solution is abandoned. He uses the cut to kill every last soldier that was there leaving a very clear message for Anastas, he was no longer pulling his punches, if Anastas was going to keep sending men after Aleks and his people then he would be sending their corpses back.

Whatever last sliver of hope Aleks had of being able to save Luda dies when he gets her back to sanctuary and calls for a healer only to discover the best they have is a tailor. The grisha telling him that they were waiting on Luda as well as the reactions of the other grisha gathered to Luda’s death shows just how important Luda was and how involved she was in helping to save the grisha being one of the few healers who could have helped them with any illness or injuries they suffered. Aleks whispering ‘just mortal’ to her really makes it all the more tragic. This was his worse fears come to pass, he had outlived the woman he loves. He must have been thinking back to that conversation they had before the King’s men arrived about how she could live another 100 years. I’m sure he thinks of those 100 years much differently now that he has lost her much sooner and her early demise makes that conversation all the more tragic.

As he leaves her side you can see a steely determination set in, his anger, pain and frustration are what is driving him forward now. His immediate instinct after losing Luda is to seek out his mother. I do think this is because Luda’s death not only reminds him of her mortality but of his own immortality and so in his vulnerability he seeks out the only other person who is immortal like him. Baghra herself seems to be ill though, she’s in bed and is coughing alot. We never get an explanation in the show for this but in the books it is explained that when a grisha stops using their powers they become sick and in Aleks, Baghra and Alina’s case who are immortal, they begin to age. In the flashback Baghra is clearly younger than in the current time. This with her appearing to be ill does make me wonder if Baghra had already stopped using her abilities at this point. If this is the case then this would only feed into Aleks’ fears. He’s just lost his love and now he has come to his mother and she is ill and coughing in bed and (if the theory that she has stopped summoning is true) is now aging, not as quickly as a mortal but still its a further reminder of the loneliness that comes with being immortal. With his mother no longer summoning he is faced with the prospect of one day losing her too, the person who has been the one constant in his long life.

When he informs Baghra of the pursuing soldiers and says they are punishing them for being grisha Baghra reprimands Aleks telling him that its him Anastas’ is punishing, that Aleks made them afraid and so now they want to make him afraid in return. Baghra blaming him only reaffirms his own feelings of guilt and belief that it’s his fault that the grisha are being hunted and killed. But I think his anger is also bringing out a sense of injustice in him, how unfair it is for the grisha that they are being hunted by Anastas. We see how responsible and guilty Aleks feels when Baghra asks where Luda is and Aleks says she died because of him. Baghra being rather callous and uncaring about the grisha dying brings out some resentment in Aleks towards his mother. His reminder that she was the one who taught him to kill and that grisha blood is on her hands as much as his is his way of wanting to pass some of the burden to her. I think in his mind it is partly her fault and he harbours alot of resentment towards her for not wanting to help the grisha but also because he knows he exists because she was lonely and wanted a child. He now lives this immortal life where he has to watch friends and lovers grow old and die or be killed because they are feared and hated. He blames her for making the decision to have a child and knowingly inflicting this life upon him. On top of that whilst he cares about and wants to help the grisha she does not, not only that but she admonishes him for wanting to protect them above himself. I feel like he’s had this conversation several times with her over the years and is now growing tired of it.

What Baghra says next though is really intriguing to me and I don’t think I caught its significance before my rewatch today. She pleads with Aleks to go to Kerch and wait for the king to die before coming back with a new nobleman’s name. She tells him to bide his time until there is a problem only grisha can solve, as then the king will have to embrace them. Aleks initially just brushes this off as he is more focused on the grisha that need help now. He believes in safeguarding all grisha and this is something he is fixated on. I think because he believes he is part of the problem, the reason why grisha are being hunted, he believes he must also be the solution, that it isn’t right to walk away and leave them undefended. It is Baghra frustratedly telling Aleks that grisha aren’t fighters, that they fix things or make things, that causes the penny to drop for Aleks, if there was a light bulb over his head in that scene it would have lit up. He comes up with the idea of making an army. Aleks becomes impassioned and reinvigorated as his new plan is formed but the mention of Morozova clearly frightens Baghra who has seen what Merzost does to a person who uses it. What is really interesting and again something I missed until now is that Aleks says that they are of Morozova’s bloodline and that he made them too. There is a popular theory that Morozova gave Baghra her powers and turned her into an amplifier and by extension Aleks as she passes her abilities onto him. I do wonder if the line ‘he made us too’ is alluding to this? Anyway all of Baghra’s warnings fall on deaf ears as Aleks is too angry, too grief stricken, too tired of seeing the grisha suffer and too full of guilt to stop, all of those things are now driving him down that darker path to a very slippery slope.

So by the time the soldiers arrive Aleks has already made up his mind. That anger comes flooding back and he heads outside to meet them head on. His anger only grows when the commander informs Aleks that his men have orders to kill everyone inside including his mother if Aleks doesn’t cooperate. That Aleks would be responsible for all their deaths and reminds him that Luda is dead. It is that reminder of Luda’s death, of all the grisha and his mother who need protecting inside that seals this as the point of no return, he just has too much to lose if he backs down now. He surrendered to them before and they killed Luda anyway, he’s got no reason to believe that they would spare his mother or the rest of the grisha inside if he surrenders and cooperates with them now. Aleks’ intentions are clear in this moment. He plays it cool and pretends to cooperate so that the men will lower their guards, then he uses merzost in an attempt to bend their will to him so that he can control them and use them as an army to protect the grisha from the King. As the soldiers fall to their knees before him you can see that Aleks is feeling vindicated and triumphant. These men who have hunted him and his own, who have killed his own including the woman he loves and who brought him to his knees and put him in shackles have now been brought to their knees before him. He no longer has to fear them, they fear him. They aren’t the ones in control, he is and he is no longer helpless against them. That power must have felt intoxicating to him and must have given him a feeling of superiority. But things very quickly go wrong as he can feel the power begin to overwhelm him and slipping from his control, you can see his fear as it bursts from him creating the fold.

As he carries his mother away to safety you can see anger and frustration on his face, this time I think that anger and frustration is directed at himself. He is angry at himself for failing in his plan. There is also guilt because he turned the grisha into volcra. When Baghra asks him what he has done though I think he really takes a moment to take in and examine the fold and figure out what exactly it is that he has done. I think he begins to think about that conversation he had with Baghra about grisha making things and about waiting until there is a problem only grisha can solve. When he says in response to Baghra ‘I made something’ I think he is coming to the realisation that this could be that problem that forces the king and country to embrace grisha. I think he is very intrigued by the fold and immediately starts thinking about how he can use the fold to the grisha’s advantage. That earlier conversation with Baghra shapes how he sees the fold, its why he sees the fold as a tool and a weapon to be used. It explains why he is so determined to control and use it. I also think he needs the fold to matter to justify the loss of grisha life in its creation, if he can use the fold to save grisha and protect them then that will somehow make the loss of those grisha who were turned into volcra meaningful.

However as fascinated as he is by the fold and as eager as he is to use it as a weapon or shield for the grisha, I think the fact that its creation wasn’t intentional, that he did harm grisha in its making and that he has no control over it makes him also fear it. He is too traumatised by everything he went through at Anastas’ hands and those of his men, by the helplessness that he felt, that he never wants to feel that way again. He never wants to have to fear a King, or feel helpless or watch his people be hunted and killed again and I think that is why he has issues around control and why he becomes pretty much obsessed with finding the sun summoner as he knows she is the key to finally controlling the fold.

Anyway that’s it for this one, if you are still here at the end of the post thank you for reading it. I am getting more excited for season 2 and seeing more of Aleksander and getting more content to overanalyse, this is going to be a very long month, but in the meantime I guess I’ll just have to stick to overanalysing the scenes we’ve already got.

#shadow and bone #aleksander morozova #s&b #the darkling

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