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acilykos · 5 months

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Hi. I see you're aroace and I'm too so I was wondering if I could ask you a question? Idk if this is something you do I found you through aroace senkuu post so absolutely feel free to ignore if you don't want to talk about it.

So basically I'm trying to figure out what exactly loveless means. BC a lot of people both arospec and not have told me that label might fit (as in I want 0 romance etc. But also no platonic equivalent). However. I am a very passionate person about my chosen career, music, art, my cat. Those are all things I feel so strongly about, I wouldn't know what to call it but "love". Similarly there are people I care about, just not in a way where I want romance with them or a platonic version of that kind of relationship.

(I've seen you call senkuu loveless too, and I'm a little confused BC he clearly does care deeply about some people and possibly even more so science. Why not call that love? Is it a terminology thing?)

I'm not trying to pick a fight, I really like your analysis of senkuu.

I'm genuinely trying to understand.

It's possible to reject the societal notion of what love is. I do so myself.

But there's no denying that the chemicals involved are something everyone experiences. Like. Everyone gets dopamine, vasopressin, oxytocin etc. It's just the context that's different. Much like oxytocin is experienced both in mother-infant bonding and in sexual contact, I get a dopamine rush listening to music but not making out with someone.

(granted romantic love hasn't been that well examined but there does seem to be a consensus on the general chemistry involved)

Same chemicals but different result/feeling, you know?

Not getting these chemicals at all is impossible I think, so that can't be what loveless means.

So what does it mean??? Is it just about society's perception of love??

I personally approached my lack of romantic attraction by Googling the brain chemistry BC clearly I wasn't getting anywhere with the emotional side. I'm not an expert. But the definitions of different aro orientations I see commonly, don't actually address this at all. It's like everyone decided on a different definition of "love" and nobody told me any of them.

Again, I know this sounds very passionate, but I always sound like that. I'm not trying to pick a fight, nor am I expecting you to solve my identity crisis. So really no need to reply if you don't want to. I can see how this would be. A lot to try and answer.

Hi, hi!!

First of all, I'm happy to meet a fellow AroAce!! I'm also calling myself loveless because it fits the most, I did research before and found it was the closest to describe myself.

Second of all, I think it depends on the definition of what loveless means for oneself because as always, sexuality at the end of the day is a fluid and personal thing.

Apologies if some of the thoughts seem jumbled or contradicting. I just woke up, was very happy about getting to ramble and I just don't know how to properly describe my "emotional thought processes" because I decided to illustrate my points with examples.

It's a long read too, I hope you don't mind.

Personally, I define it as a "lack of attraction" because oriented and angled AroAces experience other types of attraction (like platonic, aesthetic, etc.), but don't ask me to explain the difference between either, I really have no idea what it is (no offense to any angled or oriented AroAces). Personally, I find it ironic that the two most known "orientations" of AroAce people are still based on experiencing attraction despite AroAces being known for not experiencing it. So we had to create another word to say "Yeah, we actually don't experience any type of attraction”. It's also ironic to me that we call it "loveless" because it's not that we don't love, we just aren't attracted to people.

I'm an artist, I love art and drawing myself, as well as writing.

I'm also a scientist, I love chemistry, astronomy, pharmacology, psychology, really, I'm just always happy to talk about any subject. In fact, that's my current career, I'm a pharmaceutical technician.

I have favourite songs, favourite subjects, favourite seasons. Favourite shows, favourite characters, hell, I also have favourite ships.

I care about my family and friends too.

It's just that I'm not attracted to people. I don't want a romantic relationship because I don't experience romantic attraction. Same as I don't want a sexual one. I just don't see the need or appeal for another person if the goal is to just have a dinner date or a climax. Sure romance and sex can come hand in hand, but that depends on whether or not you experience either or if you're committed in a relationship. Anyways, I digress.

These two are the typical ones people talk about when it comes to attraction, but then there are the illusive platonic and aesthetic attractions, and many more I believe. One of them is explained later which causes AroAces in the first place to also use the labels oriented and angled.

Platonic attraction, or at least as I come to understand it, is seeing a person and just wanting to be their friend. You see someone and you think "wow, I really want to be their friend!!" also apparently called having a "squish".

I don't do that. I don't really feel something compelling me to talk to this person to become their friend.

Same as I don't feel attraction towards aesthetically pleasing people (which is also a highly individual definition). Or well, for a lack of a better term, the only "Wow, I really like how they look" I experience is in terms of gender envy. I don't want to be with them, I don't want to be them either. I just think "I'd like to express my gender like that". If that makes any sense.

I see people talk about "they're hot" and "they're so cute looking" and how they have this attraction towards them because of the way they look, but I just don't? I may appreciate the beauty by acknowledging that someone has nice features or a cool style, but it's the same as me looking at the weather and going "Ah, the sun is shining, isn't that nice." before continuing to do whatever I did, not spending more time on thinking about the weather.

For a real life example: My sister and I are going to a driving school. She has an aesthetic (and I call it on purpose an aesthetic attraction. She has not spoken once with the guy and she also said it's not exactly a crush) on one of the other people there, which to me makes no sense given his general character he revealed at least at the driving school. She even took his pen he forgot at school (just some company gifted pen from when we got a visit that day) in hopes of giving it back to him and struck up a conversation (She failed to. She was too embarrassed, in case you're curious).

I only acknowledge he has a nice jawline. That's it.

I don't feel any type of attraction towards people. I don't want or need to be their romantic partner. I don't want or need a sexual relationship. Just because someone has a personality that clicks with mine, I don't automatically feel the need to become their friend. If we become friends, great. If we don't it is what it is.

Obviously when I'm friends with someone, I care about them, but it's just... not the way friendships are usually portrayed. I don't feel the need to have many friends, or meet up with them constantly or go on trips or anything of the like. I like them a lot, I want them to be well. I just... don't really feel an attraction? I don't know how to properly explain it.

An attraction for me is either the need to be constantly with them, one way or another, because you physically and/or mentally/psychologically feel the need to be in their presence, whenever an opportunity arises OR that you spent a lot of time just thinking about them (daydreaming, fantasies, you get it). I just don't feel like that. I'm fine with not talking or seeing friends for multiple months or years. I'm also fine if we don't talk constantly too. If the friendship ended because we couldn't maintain it, it wouldn't destroy me.

It actually happened multiple times, I'm fine with it. Do I miss them or feel nostalgic when I think about past experiences with them? Of course, I care about them as people.

But I'd feel the same about it even if we had stayed friends, because I obviously feel nostalgic with things I did with my current friends.

I just really don't have the ""need"" to have friends in my life. I'm not "attracted" towards them, I care about them and I like them, but it's just not the type of attraction or even love that society usually attributes to what (best) friends are supposed to be or behave like.

(Same for my family. I haven't seen some of them in years, I don't need to. I like them, I care about their wellbeing.)

You may be wondering, if that's my attitude towards friendships, how do I even have friendships.

They talked to me one day and we happened to keep talking because we liked what each other had to say. It's been years later, so it's safe to say that we still like each other, but not once have I ever initiated a friendship, funnily enough. All I did was just... reply or talk once and we kept talking and meeting up, and eventually we became friends, and because they know a lot about me and I about them, I care about them.

And this is what I think Senkū is like too.

He cares about his friends deeply and he obviously cares about his family too. But he doesn't feel any attraction to people. He never once had an "I need to be their friend" moment. He accidentally sort of becomes friends with them because of the situation they're in and then develops a friendship with them because they've been through a lot of things for multiple years.

How did he meet Taiju? Because Taiju saved his machinery. Senkū didn't have any friends prior to that. But then they talked and spent their childhood together and became friends.

Taiju introduced him to Yuzuriha, they talked, she helped with his experiments as well, and they too became friends.

Senkū not once initiated a friendship.

He may have approached some of them first, but not because he wanted to be their friend/felt platonic attraction, he just needed them for a plan, then he used them for his plans, but they stuck around and they talked and time passed.

If it comes to his plans or science, he talks first. If it comes to any "emotional" conversational topic, someone else initiates it.

Senkū just doesn't feel the need to have emotional connections, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't care about his friends or won't develop friendships, if that makes sense. He doesn't seek them, but if friendships happen to develop, he accepts it. He doesn't portray it outwardly, but deep within his heart he still cares.

Everyone in his life started out as an ally, it eventually became friendship. Senkū didn't recruit people because he wanted friends, he recruited them because he had a need for allies to wage war against Tsukasa, then Ibara, then Whyman.

You can even apply it to Senkū's relationship with Xeno, who is according to the fanbook one of Senkū's "closest relationships" (the other one being Byakuya). Senkū respects Xeno as a scientist and as the only NASA employee who actually helped him build a rocket, but even then it's because Xeno talked first and their relationship was strictly mentor and mentee, it was hardly a friendship in what society defines it as anyway. I guess the closest equivalent would be Marty McFly and Doc Brown from Back to the Future (I know, Marty isn't Doc's mentee, but it's about the assisting in science projects part), if it comes to media, but even then Senkū's and Xeno's mentorship would not fit the definition of friendship the way Marty's and Doc's does.

I also call Senkū loveless, because he would never enter a queer platonic relationship (qpr). Entering one would mean you experience a type of connection that is more than friendship, but not romantic or sexual. Or at least that's how I came to understand it. Personally, I'm still confused on what they're actually like aside from them developing from a "tertiary form of attraction". This is where angled and oriented AroAces come in, and why some people call themselves "AroAce lesbians" for example. They experience a different type of attraction towards women that's not just friendship, but it's also not romantic or sexual (at least that's how I understand it, any tertiary attraction feeling AroAces correct or explain it to me, because it's been confusing me for years).

Now look at Senkū and tell me that he'd ever enter such a relationship, when he barely feels the need to make friends on his own. He says it himself "love causes only problems" because of the emotions involved in it. He also, as we established, doesn't feel the need to make friends. If that's already too much and Senkū doesn't have the need for friends, and a QPR is similar, except it lacks the romantic and sexual part and is supposedly "more than a mere friendship", then Senkū definitely wouldn't have that.

I think it's important to mention that, but I think at this point it is obvious, I don't define attraction and caring as the same things.

Why would I? It isn't the same thing, otherwise we wouldn't have different words for it.

Attraction means I myself feel the need to be close to whatever attracts me, maybe that I can't stop thinking about it because I need it in my life, but it can also be superficial.

Care is that it doesn't cross my mind every day, but maybe I happen to think about it once because it crossed my mind, or if I'm with friends or family who tell me about something that happened to them, I care about their wellbeing.

You may also have noticed that I barely even used the word "love" despite talking about being "loveless". As I mentioned in the beginning, I really don't think it's the right term. We love. We care. But it's just not the love people think of first (aka romantic). I love my hobbies, I love my friends and family, I love my favourite characters. But none of this is what society tells me that love is supposed to be or feel like. But it's the most direct way of saying "I don't experience any type of attraction", as misleading as it is, sadly.

And that's it, basically.

Again, it's just my own definition and experience, so how true it is for the majority of AroAces or how much you agree with me, is totally up to you and anyone else. Emotional matters are confusing, and a lot of the time don't make sense and are hard to put into words, but I gave it my best shot with all I know right now. If you're curious or think that loveless may not be the right term after all, you're welcome to do more research on the terms angled and oriented, I bet there are a lot of AroAces who identify with those labels ready to help you out, and who know much more about it than me.

I hope I was able to help you in any way to find some clarity! Thanks again for stopping by, feel free to do that again any time!!

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #loveless #loveless aroace #ask #anon #dr stone #ishigami senku #senku ishigami #ishigami senkū

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rainbowcrowley · 15 days

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For the GO ask game — 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 9, 10, 14, 15 please :)

thanks, ginger! that's a lot and i'm sure i've already answered a few of those - let's see!

1. when did you first watch/discover good omens, and how did you find out about it?

already answered here!

2. do you have any merch?

besides the book itself: a bentley enamel pin a friend gave me as a birthday present and some prints of fanart on my cupboard.. not really, sadly. i should get one of those bildad the shuhite t shirts i've seen people wear in tiktok videos lol

3. have you created any fanart or fanfiction, or really any content for the fandom?

already answered here!

4. what is (if you read) your favorite good omens longfic?

ho BOY here we go. there's a few, and i can't list them all bc that would take forever, but i also can't just list one story bc that is nigh impossible, so i'll give you my top 5: Slow Show, The Anon Before Christmas (by the incredible @foolishlovers!), The Grindr Logo Doesn't Even Have a 'G' In It, Or Be Nice & (just finished and i am Not Okay) Good Expectations.

i consider everything multi-chaptered and over 50k words as a long fic. some of these aren't that long and one is over 200k, so.. yeah. also, heads up, always read the tags first and also most of these are rated Explicit. :)

5. what is (if you read) your favourite good omens one-shot?

again, i've read some many fantastic one-shots that i lost count. but the first thing coming to mind (yes i know i'm biased shh) is the first story of my best friend's ( @beccibarnes) series Not A One-Night Stand: 14 times they canonically fucked ("naons" for short). i remember her pitching the idea for this series to me and it was/is so much fun brainstorming all the ideas with her. i'm honoured that she let me beta-read them all and i can't wait for the future fics to come :') (no pressure tho, becci, i know how busy life was recently <3)

6. who is your favourite side character?

already answered here!

9. have you seen any other work by david tennant and/or michael sheen?

already answered here!

10. have you ever imagined or created a crossover with another fandom for good omens? which one, and what was it about?

i haven't thought of any crossovers - tbh they're not really my cup of tea - BUT imagined two au's, one more or less as a joke, and one "serious" one. the first, joke-y one is a human au that takes place in the city i live in (hamburg, germany) (don't ask) (idk how i came up with that). this one is mostly in my head, but even tho it's kinda silly, i really like it.

the second, more serious one is, again, a human au: a ballet dancer au. just bc i watched some documentary about ballet and the one male dancer they interviewed looked somewhat like david tennant... you get the gist. i have some idea written down in a dusty google doc, but that's it.

14. what is your favorite good omens-coded song?

already answered here and here!

15. do you have any good omens playlists?

not my own ones - but i saved some made by others on spotify heh

ask game for people in the good omens fandom!

#damn that was a lot - thanks!#this is so much fun ahh #ask games #answered #celestialcrowley #good omes

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zeltqz · 7 months

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niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

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v-arbellanaris · 5 months

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some ~critical~ thoughts on my exp with pillars so far under the cut for negativity ig

so i gave up on pillars (for now?) and i might pick it up again later but right now, i'm really, really frustrated with it. i'm really stressed out, and frankly, upset. i'm not having a good time playing it, and every attempt to just stick it out is making me MORE frustrated and upset. the "tutorial" barely did anything, i'm still incredibly lost most of the time for combat. and idk, i dont wanna just say the combat system is garbage, but if i've been playing it for a week, and it's still really difficult to navigate or play, i have to wonder at the "mystery" behind it. like why make it so impossible to play the game, why make it so difficult to figure out the combat system, why isn't there an actual tutorial or actual helpful instructions on the system??? i'm playing on EASY because a) new combat system and b) i want to know more about the story but i just keep getting bogged down by all these stupid encounters that KO multiple party members, even when i have the chara ai switched on and everything, and it's really aggravating and upsetting. i explicitly DID NOT sign up for a hard time, so why am i getting a hard time from the game???

it's also not super RSI friendly to me? the amount of clicks i would have to go through just to cast a spell or cast a healing spell is absurd - i have pause, then click the character, strain to click the tiny thing in the corner of their character portrait to pull up their abilities, find the ability, aim it, etc etc. and presumably there's an easier way to do this but - you guessed it! there's no tutorial on how to do it. i had to fucking google how to select my whole party at once because it's not intuitive and i had to manually click each character AND their summons to move them. it made my RSI flare up so badly a few days ago that i couldn't use my arm at all that whole day.

and finally, it's really hard to get into the story for me because it's so, so heavily text-based. there's a lot of dialogue, there's a lot of descriptions around the dialogue - and there's some conversations you can't revisit so you just miss key details. i don't feel like i know anything about the companions, or feel particularly close to them - i don't even really feel all that much interest in my pc - and the amount of text to read per conversation really really bogs me down; there's a lot to read and a lot to process, to the point of it being overwhelming. going into the cyclepedia or whatever doesn't help me, i feel like information is scattered everywhere and there's so much that it's difficult for me to filter it. ive played text-based games before, so i know it's not a problem with the text, but it feels like it's not anchored in anything and it's really difficult for me to process it. i can't remember specific conversations with my companions - only some lines are voiced, and others are not, and there's no way for me to anchor those specific conversations in more memorable lines or anything like that. i remember a few of eder's ambient dialogue, because it's funny or witty or interesting, but i can't recall what the other party members have said or remarked???

and i think that really sums up my experience with this game so far; it's too overwhelming, and it feels like the game really does not want me to play it, it's made for other people and at times it feels like actively hostile to players like me, who are not familiar with the system. idk, i know loads of people enjoy this game, so there's obviously good things about it, but this feels really unwelcoming to my adhd and my RSI, and i'm upset bc i wanted to have a good time playing and i didn't. i bought both games during the autumn sale, and i cannot get through the first one. i feel like i spent so much money on a game i can't even enjoy playing (because i've been trying, thinking it's a scaling issue and maybe after i'm a couple of levels in, this will stop happening. im at level 5, and it's still happening, and i'm STILL lost) and i'm really upset abt it

#vee plays pillars

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taegularities · 5 months

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ive just finished reading a book that shattered my heart into infinite pieces and i am not even joking a bit. i knew that the book was as good once i started crying and tears never stopped. i think 70% of that book was me crying. now i have swollen eyelids lol. i never cried so much over something since i watched Hachiko the movie. like real sob, sounds coming out from my mouth, the real hurting package thing :(

now i need another book as beautiful as this one. and i don’t think i would recovered from this one yet. she even mentionned one direction’s songs to describe the relationship between the two mc. i am fucking torn. oh btw the book is « a thousand boy kisses » by Tillie Cole. have you ever heard about it?

have you any recommendations? also i am debating myself to buy a kindle. although i do like the idea of paper book, idk. i spend most of my nights reading ff to be honest but since last month i can’t find any that is why i switch back to « real » book again. although i think i missed a lot of your series too i have to read them.

that made me think, is there any books that made you to start writing? how did you find telling yourself that you wanted to write? would you considered it as an hobbie or a passion? pardon me if you had already answered those questions in the past too. in that book i’ve read, author was talking a lot about passion and made me realize that besides piano - i am unfortunately not really into it anymore - i don’t have any. like isn’t it beautiful to say that we had something to hold on, to escape? i miss that..

i talked a lot today lol i am so sorry. oh and if any of your followers as any book recommandations (not ff too), i take!!! 🤎

oh gosh, babe.. have you recovered from it yet? i know that feeling so well. some stories just stay with us and are hard, if not impossible to forget. i know it hurts, but i'm also glad you found a book you could enjoy the way you did. i haven't heard of it, by the way! but just googled it, and it sounds beautiful. soulmate au :(

i wish i could rec stories, but i think it's genuinely been years since i read a proper book. i know 'me before you' and its sequel made me cry :') definitely get that kindle if you've been reading a lot these days! i do prefer paperback, too, but i get the appeal of an e-book.

yeah, honestly, that's gonna sound extremely mainstream, but books that made me write were john green's stories, the novel 'every day' by david levithan and (okay, don't laugh pls lol), but ed sheeran's songs. there's beauty in all those – a lot of talk of love and the stars, of soft and sweet things. which is probably why my writing ended up the way it is today? but i've always written tbh… i enjoyed reading and at some point, i started a random ass story back when i was 13 or so (it was horrible) and then wrote my first stuff in english when i started this blog. i wanted to try it out. play with words, see if i'm any good at it? and yeah, now i'm kinda in love with it and trying to be better every day <3 so i'd say it's both a hobby and a passion. truly an activity i enjoy the most.

it's beautiful to have something like this, true. i hope you find your passion, too <3 and tbh, i'm so grateful you asked all that? bc i love talking about these things.. like what, you're actually interested in me and getting to know me?? i'll blush lol :') love you <3

#some rid lore lol #if anyone's got recs let axelle know!!!!#also you missed some of my series? wait which one :O you've been reading cmi as far as i recall!!#notes for rid 🌹#axelle <3

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appleslices · 1 year

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i was tagged by @thesentdowngirl and @plusque

Nickname: zee

Height: 5'4"

Last google search: diy miniatures

Song stuck in my head: i dont remember the title but its kylie minogue and its the one with the "remember the old days walking in rhythm the night is for livin' it's in your hands now to... something something" i lose the lyrics at this point

Number of followers: 390ish

Amount of sleep: a blissful 7ish hours of sleep last night

Lucky number: i don't have one of these i don't believe in numbers

Dream job: i get money to fuck around with art and crafts all day but with no pressure to scramble for freelance work or do corporate design altho atp its inevitable LOL

What are you wearing right now: jeans and a sweater vest with a teddybear pattern

Favorite media: god ig video games bc they engage like audio, visual, and tactile senses At once its very easy for me to be invested in the narrative, concepts, visuals etc. but like tv shows are also very big for me, there are many good ones out there and i love learning abt the visual language and story telling of that kind of "long term" film.

Favorite song: song of the week is "ya no soy tu baby" by princess alba

Favorite instrument: cello, synths, drums

Aesthetic: idk i enjoy a lot of different aesthetic movements and it's impossible to boil my Tastes into a singular movement or even blend them together BUT a few key faves are bauhaus and memphis group, i like brutalism but in combination with more color, i also enjoy baroque and some elements of rococo but i think even for someone who leans towards maximalism rococo can be overwhelming for me sometimes. fashion wise i really enjoy blending morikei with classic/gothic lolita i also have a few sort of like techwear adjacent and athleisure pieces i try and blend with my EGL to uhm varying degrees of success but also sometimes i just want to wear sweatpants but most of my shirts are blouses so they dont blend easily together.

Favorite author: god i dont know i don't read enough to answer this </3

Favorite animal noise: love cat sounds any noise a cat makes will be entertaining

Random: have any of u guys watched the dangerous liaisons tv series its actually really good im watching it with hannah and a lot of our commentary is very sort of like reactionary like we're watching a reality show but it's so engaging and the costume design is beautiful. and also i think there's some gender and sexuality going on with the two leads somethingggg about them is insane. sorry for spoilers but there's this one scene where camillle corssdresses to get into a gentleman's club and the whole time she and valmont are sooo h*rny about it and i really had to have hannah pause it while i had thoughts and she laughed at me (affectionately) the whole time while i was trying to Get Myself Together.

i've rambled on for sooo long i'm just going to tag "anyone who wants to do this" xoxox <333

#long post #tag meme

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rollercoasterwords · 2 years

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i started reading the hand that feeds last night and i’m already on chapter 38 i love it so so much. dorlene enemies to lovers is now my favourite trope it just makes sm sense.

here are some of my fav parts of the fic bc i need to talk about them

-marlene and dorcas both thinking the other has a master plan to annoy the other one and that’s the only reason why they can’t stop thinking about each other

-the marlene and sirius friendship dynamic owns my heart i love them sm

-lily’s reaction to when marlene asked if she was okay with her being queer and thinking that marlene was asking about her not going to dinner

-literally everyone thinking that marlene and sirius were dating and dorcas and regulus were also dating (including marlene and dorcas they were so clueless). it was a very funny parallel like what is it with assumptions about the black brothers and lesbians being together?? silly heteronormativity these people are all gay! (bar regulus i don’t think anything to do with his sexuality has been mentioned so idk about him)

-james telling sirius that liking blokes doesn’t make you gay

-the irish slang was so accurate too? like as an irish person i read the chapter where marlene is back home and was like wow cool this writer is irish!!! i was so surprised to see you asking about the slang in the end notes

-the conversation (is conversation the right word?? argument might be more accurate??) where they were both like ‘i’m not dating sirius/regulus i’m lesbian did you not realise that’ was so perfect i loved that chapter

-all of the yelling at each other and then making out immediately after moments omg, especially their first kiss

hello it's taken me a bit to respond to this but THANK U this message made my whole entire week i am kissing u over and over again on the forehead mwah mwah mwah 💋

ok let me respond

-marlene and dorcas both thinking the other has a master plan YES that was so fun to write lmao they are both so stubborn they were like "surely the only reason i could possibly be thinking this much about her is if she has some nefarious evil plot to make me obsessed with her. surely there is no other reason!!"

-marlene and sirius friendship dynamic yesssss i love them so so much to me marlene and sirius have a lot of overlap in their personalities that helps them sort of get each other in that specific way where....it's like a person who's not ur best friend but they know secrets about you that no one else knows. perhaps that is just the shared homosexuality tho lol

-lily's reaction STOP that part was so fun to write too haha even if it's not like the most realistic thing in the world i knew that i wanted to make marlene's friends supportive like i just didn't have the energy in me for a drawn out homophobia plot line so marlene being like so anxious about how they'd respond and lily having already moved past it and being like huh??? do i care if you skip dinner?? OH do i care if ur a lesbian lol no it's fine 💖 so special to me

-everyone thinking that sirius + marlene and dorcas + reg were dating ajskdjdkdk that bit was literally so self indulgent and just me having fun i simply love a sprinkle of miscommunication especially when it leads to angry love confessions 😍

-james telling sirius that liking blokes doesn't make you gay YES another one of my favorite scenes lmao there are like...2-3 scenes that i had entirely mapped out in my head before i even started writing the fic and that was one of them i just think it's so fucking funny

-the irish slang literally u have no idea how validating that is to hear i have never set foot in ireland so i was literally just googling like. "irish slang list" and sweating and shaking as i hoped for the best

-the 'i'm a lesbian argument' HELP they were both so impossible i loved that scene the way they were both like "i've been having sex with u for months?? how did u not know i was gay??" "well i've been having sex with YOU for months?? how did u not know I was gay???"

-all of the yelling and then immediately making out yessss hate sex my beloved ❤️ i just cannot get enough of it so i'm glad u enjoyed it too lol

anyway i hope u are continuing to enjoy the story sending u all the love in the world for taking the time to send this long message 💕 💞

#the hand that feeds spoilers #thtf #the hand that feeds #literally this was so fun to respond to thank u so much!!!#ask

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septembersghost · 2 years

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okay, this is partial mass catch-up of tag games over the past three weeks 😘💖💖💖

tagged by @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie and @moonlayl

name: jess

star sign: virgo

height: 5′3"

time: 12:21 am mountain time as i start to type

birthday: september 13

favorite bands/artists: this is always one of the hardest things for me to answer because i love so many...but on the constant and current list: taylor swift, harry styles, niall horan, (i mean...1D by default since 2019 i'm not sorry, they became a very real source of joy at a time when i was desperately sad and have remained so), fall out boy, fleetwood mac, lord huron, florence + the machine, frank sinatra, barbra streisand, ella fitzgerald, sara bareilles, gabrielle aplin, lady gaga, sasha sloan, lizzy mcalpine (she's new to me but i'm saying her considering i've listened to her so often lately), idk an infinite number of artists i'm forgetting...i love music.

last movie: oh gosh. it might've been tick tick boom, i've barely watched movies lately!

last show: only murders in the building

when did i create this blog: november 2020, but i've been around tumblr since 2011-ish!

what i post: LOL. sweethearts, my little chili babies, you have seen this blog. i post...anything that catches my fancy. all my favorite things. i post a lot. i need help.

last thing i googled: "bald cartoon villain" @arthurwilde knows why 😂

other blogs: all my previous three blogs still exist and i periodically login to them to try and keep them from being deactivated, but i'm not actually on them anymore (i've thought many times about going back to or reclaiming @saferincages because i still think of this blog as temporary and that blog as home, but it feels wrong to do it somehow)

do i get asks?: i do and i appreciate them!

following: 170

average hours of sleep: uh. unfortunately i have no such thing because cfs/me is a curse upon my existence

instruments: sadly no

what i'm wearing: pink floral bambi pajamas

dream job: so i used to dream of being a voice actor (or singing voice) because i thought it would be so fun to embody characters and be able to pursue my passion for music without some of the stage fright that accompanies it when you're live in front of an audience, but in a more realistic realm i really would have loved to do something with music therapy to combine the passionate part of it with being able to help people.

dream trip: the south of france (it will never happen, ya girl is housebound)

nationality: american

favorite songs: how on earth am i supposed to answer this, it's impossible ;___;

last book i've read: the not so chosen one by kate emery

top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: rivendell from lotr, naboo from star wars (except not during the empire), whatever world they live in in the nightmare before christmas where i can walk between halloweentown and christmas land whenever i please 🎃🎄

besties this is only 23 questions and it said it was 30, i don't know where the other seven disappeared to!

***

tagged by @newromanticstv

a couple of these were the same as the above, so i only left the non-repeats!

relationship status: spinster

favourite colour: dusty rose pink

song stuck in my head: doomsday by lizzy mcalpine

something i want: to not be so terrified and worried every day? laughing/crying

***

tagged by @rogerhealey

fave color: since i already said my pink, let's add periwinkle blue!

currently reading: the baby-sitter's coven, next is don't tell a soul

latest song: the game of love by santana ft. michelle branch

latest series: better call saul (rewatch and S6), breaking bad (selective rewatch), bates motel, omitb, i need to catch up with what we do in the shadows (@rogerhealy i love that your list was all classics)

latest movie: if it wasn't the aforementioned tick tick boom, it was spiderman no way home, andrew garfield supremacy

sweet | spicy | savory (have to be careful with spice bc chronic illness issues)

currently working on: nothing planned!

***

tagged by: @endlesslydeath

post my top 5 tracks rn!

as i said, music questions are so difficult for me because i'm too emotional and attached! and if this is by current top plays i don't actually know lol, but i'm going to say on most frequent rotation lately are - satellite by harry styles, all my ghosts by lizzy mcalpine, my love by florence + the machine, johhny can't decide from the tick tick boom soundtrack, this love (taylor's version) by taylor swift

***

i am not tagging anyone to do these since it's several haphazardly mashed together, but as ever, you're welcome to take any of them and tag me so that i can see! <333 🥰

#tag games #about me

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chrysanthemumpink · 10 months

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Idk, I just feel like he's not moving forward. And when we used to argue, id wonder if we could just get through it with love or whatever. But now, I don't know if there's even enough to get through. It feels like I'm slowly out growing him. Which is way worse than falling out of love with him.

Like we had this conversation about a "million dollar home." And maybe he thought we were just joking and maybe we were. But after some superficial google researchers, if we both made 6 figures, it would be possible. Nothing too crazy. I make 100,000k and he does too, we can have/own this thing. Between the two of us, there's literally 7 professional degrees. It's hard, really hard, but not impossible.

But he's barely done anything. To be perfectly honest, he hasn't grown much since the first day we met. That was 6 years ago. And I'm not saying, I've done a lot. But I'm not at square one anymore. Ever since that conversation, I've been working towards a relatively stable future.

And he's not lazy. He's really not. He doesn't do anything that makes him unhappy or uncomfortable. He prioritizes what makes him happy in the moment, never long term. And it's almost like he's incapable of invisioning something and actually working towards it.

I don't bring it up because that's the exact thing he's very very self conscious about. Like he says he hates Instagram because it makes him very jealous and resentful. He feels like he hasn't accomplished anything. He's 35.

And I think he does genuinely want more for himself. But won't do anything that will make him grow bc he keeps landing in things that keep him comfortable in one place. I've watched him turn down jobs and not seek opportunities because he doesn't like them. But he doesn't even try. He might like it if he did

Off topic, but there were times, maybe a year ago when there'd just be messages and pictures from girls. But these girls were like 21-25. Just reflecting on things, I guess, but I know 35 year old women his age would never give him the time of day. Heck, I'm 27. And I'm getting to my wits end.

And I have tried. I have tried to make him interrogate why he's willing to even entertain girls that young. Like the fact that you can have conversations with these people in their early 20s is a huge problem.

Then theres other times when he says he keeps me around because it's getting harder and harder to find a woman with no kids.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. But he took this job overseas, without telling anyone. And yes, it's an amazing opportunity and yes it's fun to travel. But it's not an excuse to do yet another thing that absolves him from any responsibility. And it sure doesn't pay any kind of salary

There is no nice way to say this. But I wish he'd get a job. And actually do the things that wouldn't leave him jealous of his friends Instagram posts. Money isn't everything. It really isn't. And this isn't about money at all. It's just that he's living life as if he were a college student. We met as grad students so I lived the same way too. But when Im with him, its like we're still college kids.

And I don't want to be a college student anymore. I want a grown up. And I want a grown up partner.

There's just genuinely no way to bring that up nicely or while avoiding the insecurities that already exist. But if we break up and he dates another 23 year old, I can't say I didn't warn him

#leo x pisces #leoxpisces

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syubub · 3 years

Text

Yoongi birthday reading/energy check!!

It's sweet sweet tangerine bois birthday!!

I wanted to do a cute little energy check up to see what's up and ask some fun little questions!!

I'm excited so let's just do this shit!!

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact!!

---

I want to apologize for the absolute shit pictures but what's new lol

So, let's start with the platform. First thing I noticed was the blue was brighter but the platform was darker? It was like someone cranked up the contrast to 100. Ngl it looked pretty cool. Yoongis platform doesn't typically have a barrier like some of the others do so I just kinda walked in and did the whole, "happy birthday, I have questions" His energy seemed a lot more... vibrant? And playful I guess? It was really nice. Now. The actual connection was intresting because the cord was blue again and like, real thick. (I don't think my perceived thickness of the cord has and real correlation with how strong the connection is. It was just thicc) this time though, the cord was connected at the chest instead of the third eye. So i was like, ??? But my guide didn't give my any sort of helpful input (my guide likes to watch me suffer in my confusion. I'm sure of it)

Anyway, cord like that and then yoobi gave me a headbutt to connect at the third eye. Idk why he gotta be like that :( istg next time he's gonna flick my forehead or something.

I was like "cool cool cool. I want to do the reading now pls" and idk how to explain the energy other than sassy. You know? Blah blah blah I'm thinking, "I don't remember him being so cheeky but maybe I've been gone long enough for him to level up into his final sass monster form"

Anywho, this was intresting because after the little strings were connected and stuff, we plopped down on the floor. And it was like everything I was doing irl was being mimicked infront of yoons energy? So we were sitting facing eachother and I was putting the cards down between us?? Usually that doesn't happen but it was kinda fun!!

Moving right along. I first asked if there was anything he wanted to say or needed to get across and it was 11. Now, 11 has come up before and I'm still not to sure what it's in reference to? My best guess is possibly he's been seeing 11:11 or that it's 2? Idk let me know if you have any clues lol. Other stuff was just kinda banter and stuff.

So so so.

The reading. First thing I asked was how he was doing. And I shuffled his preticular way (when I ask a question I always ask for the energy to tell me how much to shuffle or when to stop. For yoongi it's always 2-2-2. So 2 bridge shuffles, 2 hand shuffles and then split the pile in 2. That's why I think 11 might be 2 to him?)

The cards we got are ace of swords rev, justice,the heirophant rev, the empress.

So based off this I was like okay. I want to pull clarity cards for the two rev cards to get a better picture so I pulled the emperor rev for ace or swords rev and strength rev and wheel of fortune rev for the heirophant rev.

Starting with the ace of swords rev, and the emperor reverse. It seems like yoongi has been re thinking his relationship to control in his life. That's he's possibly noticing any unhealthy needs to control his life and the situation around him. It could also refer to his judgment being clouded by a rigid approach.

With the justice card it makes me think that he's possibly considering a big choice in his life or that he's really doing some deconstructing of his own views. This second idea fits in well with him getting clarity on some possibly unhealthy control issues in his life.

Now. The heirophant rev, strength rev and wheel of fortune reverse. This was intresting to me bc they are all major arcana. The heirophant rev can really talk about no longer needing outside approval and making your own way in your own time bc you are your own teacher. Strength in rev I kinda read as self doubt and feeling down in this case. Like a lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. And the wheel of fortune in reverse I took to mean as his breaking cycles. All together these cards kinda paint a picture about wanting and trying to break a cycle of self doubt and self limiting beliefs and learning more about himself and why he think what he does about himself and searching through everything for truth. It's really good!! In short he's doing some nice soul searching and trusting himself to guide his own way through this self discovery!

The empress! This card seems to pop up for yoobi a lot and I think it really speaks to the abundance that surrounds him! Not just money but the abundance of creativity, love, friends ect.

Now now now. I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to tell us about himself or bts or what's happening in the near future. For that I got 2 of cups, king of wands and 3 of coins.

So the 2 of cups is partnership. Usually romantic. Could be pertaining to the may 13th thing that is ever present lol but I'll get to that later. With the 3 of coins talking about teamwork, this could definitely hint at collaborations coming up!! That's the vibe I get. No one crush my dreams. And for the king of wands it could be talking about taking the reigns on a new project and starting to get it done. Like a new opportunity. This could be a new bts project like starting a new campaign or new venture or maybe personal like the a mixtape or doing more songs for other groups ect.

I had to ask him how he was feeling about the grammys. I had to. Had to. The cards were ace of wands, 2 of wands and death reverse. When these came flying out I could help but smile. Yoongis energy was almost giddy too!

Witht he ace of wands

It's that spark of creativity and inspiration. It's that feeling when you get super excited over some new thing. I think this is the perfect example for feeling reinvigorated. The 2 of wands takes that spark from the ace and tries to funnel that excitement and newness into something directional. Using that burst of creativity to start planning for future progress!! Its so nice to see that! If they don't win (IF) you bet we're gonna get some bangers about a corrupt system. If (WHEN) they do win we'll get bangers about how thankful they are to have gotten where they are in spite of a corrupt system. I just want to hear an uncensored version of yoongi being like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WE DID IT BITCHES. FUCK ALL YOU BASTARDS THAT SAID WE COULDN'T."

I can dream....

What a nice dream.

Now I asked if there was anything yoobi wanted to say to us as in advice or comfort or anything like that and I got, Clearing negativity, make time for self care, when I'm tuned into the energy of abundance I become abundant. when I'm in a state of appreciation im in vibrational alignment with my true love nature. The world rev, 2 of swords rev and that project, that person, that idea is waiting.

Awe. Take care of yourselves!! Make sure to take time to enjoy what you like and try not to let any negativity get in the way of you enjoying your days. The world rev to me seems to be talking about seeking closure on the things in your life that have been impacting you. Tie up those loose ends so you can move foward without triping over yourself and 2 of swords rev I think talks about information overload and being kinda indecisive bc of that. Take a sep back to evaluate the situation at hand because sometimes it's so close you can't see what you're looking for. Those of you who are studying and getting frustrated because you just can't seem to get it, try taking a step back and doing something to take care of yourself and come back to it so you can approach with a clearer mind. Try not to get stuck or paralyzed by choice but if you do get stuck, take some time to detach yourself from the situation and come back later!

A fair few people wanted an update on yoobis soulmate as well. If you need a refresher here's the run down. Yoongis soulmate is impossible for me to read, yoongi is a smug ass and I'm nosy and probably a little dumb.

Now that that's cleared up

I asked, "am I missing something?" (As to why I can't connect and why yoongi won't give me answers.)

I got queen of cups, magician and the high priestess. I read this as him being like, "yeah dude, you aren't woke enough"

YOONGI just give me answers pls. The high priestess is intuition and sacred knowledge, the magician is manifestation and the queen of cups is also intuition.

At this point I was like, okay you little shit, can you at least tell me how your soulmate is doing? Can you do that for me?

2 of cups, 2 of pentacles, 9 of wands and knight of wands. 2 of cups is partnership usually romantic, 2 of pentacles is priorities and managing them, 9 of wands persistence, knight of wands motivation for a new thing. His soulmate last time was in the process of going through some shit and figuring it out and it seems like now they've got a better clue of how to move foward and are currently heading towards good things/ important things in their life (possibly like working towards dream career or had an idea for a business the want to start or field they want to go in.)

I was thinking about the next question when this popped into my head, "if you know about your akashic book, do you know about your soulmates? Have you read it?" I used my pendulum. No movement at all. What so ever. "Are you listening to me?" Yes. "So answer my question please" No. "Do you like to watch me suffer?" Maybe. "Do you know the answer to the question" yes.

YOONGI WHY

This cheeky son of a bitch.

Now I was like, fuck it. Imma ask him the big boi question.

"Is your soulmate present when I do these readings?" Yes.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I NIT PICK UP ON IT???

I had to take a deep breath dude. Yoobi is testing my nerves.

"Are they hiding their energy?" No.

I was actually gonna combust. This makes no sense.

I asked yoongi if he would tell me what I'm not getting. Silence. So i ask my guide.

"lol ur dumb"

Watch me Google "how to fire your spirit guide"

Istg this feels like some dumb prank. Maybe I'm just genuinely oblivious to his soulmates energy or maybe I'm just doing something.

What do you want to bet that his soulmate is just hiding under the platform and I'm too stupid to notice or some dumb thing like that.

yoobi, sir, why must you do this?

I decided to continue.

"What message or thing have you learned from your soulmate recently that could be valuable to us?" I got healthy communication in relationships and deep replenishment.

Good to know you can have a nice communicative relationship with your soulmate bc I CAN'T.

I'm petty about it, sue me.

The message does stand though. Good communication and taking proper rest to replenish yourself.

Now I had to ask yoongi directly what he thought of may 13th.

I got the lovers, 7 of swords, the magician and judgement. The seven of swords was intresting and it makes me think there's some extra stuff at play here too. 7 of swords is about getting away with something and deceit. The clarifier was the magician.... this could mean a lot honestly. It could be that maybe yoongi will have his relationship exposed or possibly that maybe him and his soulmate meet but yoongi is disguised? Idk how that would work at all but I'm stumped. There's a lot of variations that this could be. The magician is about manifesting and having everything you need to create what you want. This could possibly mean that maybe he gets a sudden idea that's like, "oh I have to go here right now. Its super important" eventhough he has practice scheduled. So that would let down his team but he would be following his path and it might lead to him meeting his soulmate? Maybe vice versa? Idk let me know what you think??

With the judgement its about inner calling and kinda like the peak. Like shit has been leading up to this moment. With the lovers too it does seem like a union?

I asked him, "but like what's gonna happen on the 13th thought and I got the 10 of cups. Divine love, bliss, alignment, happy mushy gushy shit. This is why I'm so inclined to think that they'll meet on the 13th or things will get serious or their paths finally cross. The cards seem to heavily suggest that.

My dude. Yoongi is really sappy, pass it on.

For the last question I asked yoomgi if there was messages/ advice he had given to his soulmate that we might benefit from.

First step, open your third eye, open your heart, sign from heaven, open your arms to receiving.

A lot of opening lol.

It's good advice though learning to be open and receptive and taking that first step in tackling life or any situation.

Oki. Now for the disconnecting. It was not nearly as strange as it has been in the past. I was just like thanks dude. Again, happy birthday blah blah and I got up to leave. I noticed it looked like we were in sitting in one of those old plastic hoola hoops? Like the pink and yellow ones lol. As I was looking at and and like??? Off to the side the numbers 13, 28, 54. Obvi 54 isn't a date and then I the last yoongi check up there was book pages and I feel like 54 and 28 were the pages?? I'm not actually sure as I'm writing this so I'm gonna check.

Yep I checked. They are the page #s.

So that's intresting.

Other than that though I just kinda left and he was like, "bye" and that's all.

Not as cool as other yoongi adventures but equally as frustrating.

TLDR

Yoongis doing pretty okay and he's a cheeky little shit. My guide like to watch me suffer and yoobi is mushy gushy squishy.

Happy day of birth Syub!!

#bts #bts tarot #yoongi #bts reactions #bts imagines #yoongi imagine #bts rm #seokjin #bts suga #min suga #park jimin #hoseok #taehyung #jungkook

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ineffable-writer · 2 years

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Hey so you don’t need to answer this but I saw your business school post and uhh I was wondering if you had any advice for me? Cause I think we’ve had a similar experience? Or not. I’d always loved books as a child but I grew up in india where a job in the creative sector is almost impossible for so many reasons, and so I made myself never write bc what if I liked it? And then couldn’t pay the bills? But fast forward to now, I’m 20 and I want to be creative. But I’ve never written in my life and it is so hard, even when I start, it’s like a muscle that doesn’t work anymore. Idk, I was wondering if you had something that would help maybe?

Anyway, thanks so much, and hope you have a lovely day!

Gonna preface this by saying that I actually know a good number of Indian people in my Creative Writing department, and before anything else I think you should know that your publishing industry--at least to this American--appears to be flourishing. So if you end up with a degree that lends itself to publishing, that could be a REALLY solid start.

All right. So. This is gonna be long, so I'mma put it below the cut, but I'm pretty much just gonna outline how I'm going about the whole creative career thing, and try to offer some specific advice.

Getting paid in the creative sector sucks. I'm at the point where I get short stories published at professional rates fairly frequently now (hell, I've actually received like... fan mail???), and I definitely do not make enough to live on. As a writer, money gets dispersed to you in chunks: you sell the story, you get paid for the story, and that sustains you while you're working on the next story.

Short fiction does not pay enough to sustain you. It is, however, a decent place to start, because publishing short fiction makes you industry friends, and it pads out your CV a little. Plus there are like... awards, and reprints, and it gets you in the door at some great conferences, where you can meet agents and make author friends and generally take a lot of baby steps forward.

(If you have novels and an agent, and you write prolifically, SOME advances will give you a really nice chunk of change. But it's a long game, and the more you publish, the more people seek out your other work. It layers.)

I'm not telling you this to dissuade you: I'm telling you this because the writer's career path takes a while, and you're at a good age to start. The thing about the industry is, it kind of forces you to put in your 10,000 hours. The more you write and publish, the better you get.

And, at 20, while you're working other jobs--that's a sustainable side hustle, and a fantastic way to stretch that muscle, so to speak.

My advice for you right now is to check out The Submission Grinder (tumblr will eat this if I put in a link, but google "submission grinder diabolical plots" and you should get there). It's a place that hosts a ton of publication venues--calls for publications, open submissions, and even places that are closed for submissions in case you want to see their statistics.

A good friend of mine has had AMAZING success writing for whatever open calls she finds interesting--a lot of these calls are themed or looking for particular subjects, and learning to write for those and write quickly is a great skill to have.

Anyway. Long-term.

Since creative work pays really poorly, it DOES make sense to have a day job. (Don't take after me. I kid you not, I worked five jobs simultaneously between undergrad and grad school.) But the creative industry does have a number of paying jobs, and 20 is a good age to get started in them. These aren't the ONLY jobs out there, but they're good places to start and get to know people.

Literary agencies are always looking for assistants, although you may have to start out in an unpaid internship--a lot of the big names only hire internally, or only hire people with experience. Publishing houses are the same--and like I said, India in particular has a burgeoning publishing industry right now, at least from what I can tell. (All my friends are from Delhi, though? Not sure if that's where the industry is located or what.) I'm not Indian, though, so maybe take a look at some publishers and see if you can find someone amenable to answering questions if you choose to go that route.

Lit mags are always looking for readers and volunteers if you want to build up experience on the CV, and there are paid positions out there once you know where to look. Magazines/journalism are also solid places to start, but they don't tend to leave much time for other writing these days. Writing festivals and major events may also have part-time paid work.

Also, don't discount bookstore jobs--they're great for getting to know the distribution side of things, and if you have a bookstore that hosts events or anything you should definitely check them out for early-career work.

Finally: if you decide to go to school for creative writing, it can be a really big career boost--but it can also be a really big money sink if you don't have a post-graduation plan in mind. I'm doing the PhD because I've decided to enter the intensely competitive world of teaching at a university level--and a lot of places don't want to hire you to teach Creative Writing unless you've got a book under your belt (I've just entered my second year, but I'm querying a novel I had under my belt already). People in my master's degree have gone on to jobs in publishing, bookselling, etc., or have founded their own presses. Not everyone goes into actual writing as a career.

Before I went to undergrad, I worked at a TON of day jobs, and one of those was founding a nonprofit writing organization. Another was self-pubbing. Those two experiences taught me a ton of stuff I never learned in school, and I still use the skills I learned there today.

Wow, that was a long post.

The general TL;DR: if you're 20 and you just want to write, get a writing-adjacent job and get some practice in with short fiction. Degrees are awesome, but only if you have a plan in mind and go in with your eyes wide open--experience will always get you further, and now is a great time to go get some.

#advice #slice of irl #publishing #writing #career writing

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reveriesofawriter · 2 years

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hi bestie :) gimme 1, 12, 18, 26, 35, 36, 38, 53, 60 for let's fall in love for the night jalex, 61 for the one where jalex keep meeting at weddings, 66 for street lightning fic, aaand 70 sorrynotsorry for being ur biggest fan ill follow you until you love me etc xoxo bella

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

I daydream constantly all the time but if I think up a specific piece of dialogue or a scene that I can literally see in my head, I will write it down immediately, usually in my phone notes bc starting a new doc is intimidating

12. Do you outline your fics? If yes, how detailed are your outlines? How far do you stray from them?

I only outline my fics if I think they're going to be long, and for me "long" depends on the format of the fic like if I'm writing something in snapshots I usually won't outline, and honestly most of the fics I've outlined have been 5+1 type fics where I needed to keep track of Things and Events

18. Do you enjoy research? Which fic of yours required the most research?

I do enjoy research, I love learning super niche things that have no practical effect on my story whatsoever but knowing I'm getting into the head of someone in a particular time period (for example) knowing precisely what types of technology they would have had and how prevalent things were and whether something was only ever popular with rich people or only with teenagers. idk if this counts as research but I've watched multiple movies to write them into fics and that definitely took up as much time as actual research. for one more time for second chances I had a character who was an 8-10 month old baby so I did have to do some light googling to figure out developmental milestones but that was mostly to confirm what I learned a few years ago in my child development classes

26. What’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

finishing things. no the part where I've written all the significant plot points and I need to connect the dots or make the parts flow better. that's partly why I like snapshot fics so much bc I don't have to write so much of the glue, if I leave enough breadcrumbs I can trust the reader to fill in the blanks to a greater extent than if I've written 90% of a fic to be linear and then have random scenes that I just thought were too boring to write

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

everything taylor-verse? can I say that? We Dream Impossible Dreams probably

36. What fic are you proudest of?

I am still in pure awe that sam and I co-wrote over 20k, I reread it all last week and we really! did that! and I have no clue how!! I can picture it after all these days

but also street lightning, I feel like I caught a rare spark there

38. What is your most self-indulgent posted story?

I've been going crazy (I'm stuck in here) I know it was part of a challenge technically but I saw the challenge and knew without a doubt what I wanted to write about bc I remembered this event that happened and was like Fic Material and I really like how I had to do zero extra work to give it a pairing bc merrikat are just Like That

53. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

not including the tag for alcohol warnings, fluff 😌

60. In and forget in the morning, what inspired the idea for the plot?

I listened to the song one too many times and a vague plot popped into my head lmao the most thought I put into it was when I was like oh alex is ace and then went back to make sure I didn't already write something that contradicted that. I seem to remember writing most of it while on vc with you and sam and neither of you had any idea lol

61. In if you leave the light on, then I'll leave the light on, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

the first one probably, I wrote the majority of this one on my phone just one section each night and I didn't think it would turn into a real fic until I got to part 3 and was like this is actually going somewhere, tho honorable mention to the fourth scene with the part about alex's middle name that you love so much :)) but the first scene was like a break in my usual writing pattern in so many ways so I like that I could stretch that out to a whole fic

66. What’s a fun fact about romancing what might've been?

you commented that it feels like a music video or short film? if I was directing any of my fics in film form, this would be the one I'm most confident in just because the vibe of it is so perfect that it would be a good balance of being hard to mess up (which would be good for my perfectionist self) and also like a pinprick sized specific mood that I wouldn't want to hand over to anyone else

70. Are you subscribed to any writers on AO3?

no but in my defense I follow my favorite writers in other places so I rarely miss a fic

#bella!

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theygender · 7 years

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Pet peeve: when someone makes a lyric video on youtube with a really dumb typo and then every other lyric video for that song ends up having the exact same ridiculous typo because they all just assume that's what it actually says

#the biggest and dumbest example I can think of is how every lyric video for rat a tat by fob says 'she's number than gold'#like... the line is 'she's a suicide blonde she's /never been gold/'#what the fuck is 'number than gold' even supposed to mean??#but it's impossible to find a lyric video for this song that doesn't say that #bc they all just watched the other lyric videos on the site and assumed that that was the actual line so they put it in their video too #despite the fact that google is like. literally right there. it would have been so easy for one of them to just go to azlyrics or something #but no. none of them ever did. so instead we just have 100s of rat a tat lyric videos with the word salad 'number than gold' in them #the most recent one I just found is for the song straightjacket #the real line is 'they were for sleep' (talking about pills) but all the lyric videos I can find say 'they will fool sleep'#what is that even supposed to mean. how does a pill 'fool sleep.' what #rambling #I've never understood why people would do that anyways #like make a new lyric video if they're just gonna copy down all the words from an already existing lyric video #what are you adding to this situation that makes it necessary for you to make a whole new video?#it's the same song. the same lyrics written in the same way all the way down to the letter and the punctuation #when you do that they basically end up just making an exact clone of the lyric video that already existed but with a slightly different fon #idk it just really irritates me #if the people who made these videos had gotten the lyrics off of an actual lyric website instead of just other youtube videos #then we wouldn't have all of this ridiculous ass word salad all over the place #I'm bitter

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marias-studyblr · 6 years

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Hello I'm sorry to ask that but how did you do to lose weight ? I've been feeling really down lately bc of my weight but also my body in general. I'm not in a "bad" health, like my weight is what we call "normal" but I'm not comfortable with it.. as my mood is bad I don't have motivation and that sucks... so if you could give me advices it would be really nice 😘 thanks a lot

Hello and I’m the one who’s so so so sorry for the delay on this answer! I hope you still read it and it’s worth the wait/read ❤️

I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor, so all the advice I’m going to give you is born from experience of literal years of trying and trying to lose weight non stop. :)

This is indeed a studyblr account. But this issue is too important and close to my heart to not discuss, and also this health issue of mine has impacted my grades and my school life. Not to mention the damage to my overall happiness and self-confidence, as you explained in your question.

If this was a simple how do you lose weight question I would say it’s simple, because everyone knows it - eat better and exercise frequently. However, this feels to me like a confidence/body issues question, and I’m going to be very thorough about it because it gets a lot more complex when you’re uncomfortable with your body.

I think it’s important to answer this question well and I’m going to do my best. this is gonna be >>>

🌼 I N T R O

I completely understand the feeling of being uncomfortable with your body. The feeling of being comfortable with yourself is more complicated and worrisome than it may appear on a superficial level.

I didn’t grow up feeling comfortable with my body, I remember since 5th grade having my family, my swimming lesson’s teacher, classmates telling me my belly was big and “I looked like I was pregnant”. Without realizing, I became really uncomfortable with that area of my body,

and now, I consider it a beautiful strong part of my body, I don’t worry about sucking it in or hiding it and I don’t even mind when people touch it (idk if it makes sense but I hated it when people touched my belly and I tried to not breathe into my belly or make it bigger in any way). And I can really say this and mean it, which once I thought would be impossible.

🌼 I’ M T H E O N E I S H O U L D L O V E

If we want to change for the better the way we feel - being at ease, in peace - we have to be the cause for that change. Nobody else. Not your crush, not your neighbor, not your parent.

The reason why I’m gaining health in a sustainable way is that in the core of all that is the work I did for my mental health that leaked into all areas of my life, including physical health and losing my unhealthy weight.

I had to go through a massive change of mindset and a bunch of realizations to start taking care of myself properly.

It’s so important to take care of yourself like you actually love yourself, like you actually matter, like you aren’t just a flop of meat hanging around just serving other people’s needs, dressing up for others, saying things to please others.

Breathing like you love yourself, walking, talking, working, eating, moving, exercising like you love yourself. Doing things for no other reason than to tend to your needs, while still maintaining a respect for others and for yourself. That feeling leaks to every single part of your life. And it makes everything start flourishing.

I worked and still work to have that feeling in a more persistent way but I remember when I realized I truly actually felt it in my bones and was starting to act accordingly, not too long ago, tears came to my eyes. I know it comes natural to many, but to me, it was never like that. And it’s so much easier to lose weight when you tend to that.

My first intuition is to serve others. I thought everyone was so much better than me when I was younger, I thought everyone was so cool, except for me. And it feels so great to know that we are all the same. No one is better or worse. No one has the right to belittle me. We are living lives in our own particular way and it’s ok to just… exist and be friends with people and not worry about pleasing everyone, and truly accepting your body figure how it is right now, and trust that you’ll get there somehow by building healthier, more productive habits in time.

Being more confident with the way you look and carrying yourself with grace is such a good feeling. And I want everyone to have that feeling, I want everyone to be healthy and strong. Because that feeling does impact your life in a positive way, even if it’s step by step. One step in the right direction at a time is exactly what we are looking for.

🌼 R E S T R I C T I V E D I E T S

I’ve seen nutritionists give good advice and bad advice on losing weight to people who are self aware/conscious about their body. The bad advice I’ve seen is at the gyms my mom or my mom’s friends have stayed at. If people follow that 6 week restrictive diet plan, obviously they are going to lose weight… but at what cost? and to gain it all back again after? in my knowledge, most people don’t follow it, while paying for the consults and feeling guilty about the whole thing. It’s such an unhealthy experience in my point of view and if you’re trying to lose weight, it’s not something I recommend.

I love donuts and chocolate a lot for example, and I eat them and have eaten them while losing weight consistently. They are not some kind of poison you are guilty of enjoying once in a while. You are not different than any other healthy person. What I’ve figured out is that healthy people enjoy them too, but they just know how to do it.

It’s all about the quantity and eating smartly. You can still enjoy your favorite foods but in small quantities. I normally eat sweets after lunch and dinner, not between or at breakfast. For many reasons, but one of them is that way the small portions really satisfy me. I used to eat a lot of food but now I’m very mindful about the portions. If you could get one thing out of this answer is that PORTIONS ARE IMPORTANT. When I continue eating after I’m satisfied, it’s normally because I put a lot in my plate and I don’t want the food to go to waste. so now I pay mindful attention to that. And it has changed my life!!!1!1

anyways, I know those meal plans way too well, it’s all I heard when I was younger when I googled ‘weight loss tips’… i lost maximum 2 kgs in one and just gained it all back and more after giving up in the middle of it. And the reason why is not because I was weak or undisciplined, it’s because I couldn’t build habits with that kind of intention.

Also I hated to go out/my plans changed but I wouldn’t be able to eat anything because it wouldn’t be on my meal plan. I needed to build discipline to build habits and an intuition to know when I was full, not follow a stupid paper that doesn’t know anything about my body’s needs. We have to be able to act accordingly to our needs, not in fear of gaining weight.

My intention was just to lose some weight to look as skinny as someone else or to look good for other people :(dark thoughts… i know) and also as fast as possible. My intention was never health.

I still had to go through a lot of learning years to really get my intention right so then I could start building the habits that would allow me to lose weight.

**Habits always prevails**

Focus on building slowly the habits that will allow you to live a healthy life FOREVER, not just a 6 week plan. Think about the habits that are realistic enough but healthy enough to implement. Long term results is what you are looking for, trust me. Even if it takes longer to accomplish the same weight when you’re not hungry all the time, it’s teaching you how to eat in a normal way, which for me was very important, coming from a weird past of restricting/binging.

🌼 T E N D E R I N G T O Y O U A S A W H O L E

The good advice I’ve heard from nutritionists includes a holistic approach.

Your whole body is interconnected. You can’t expect to change your weight as of right now in a sustained way without making serious changes to your mindset and lifestyle habits, because your weight is a reflection of your mindset and lifestyle habits, amongst other things.

Even though a 6-week plan might possibly give you a quick fix, it really doesn’t fix anything when you have body issues. Your mindset hasn’t changed, you still have the same habits. To me now it’s obvious why I experienced gain weight recurrences over and over again while following those stupid plans!

When you start considering your body as a whole, and not just the muscles, tendons and organs, but as a functional machine with needs and feelings, a lot of things start clicking and making sense.

Start thinking about the diet that allows your body to be given nutrients so your organs can function, a diet that gives your arteries a chance to breathe, an exercise routine that makes you feel good. Our intention should always be to make ourselves as healthy as possible. As strong, flexible, rich on the inside type of healthy. When we feel the healthiest, inside and out, we feel the happiest.

🌼 A B O U T L O O K I N G G O O D

I know to some it sounds superficial to worry about the way you look. It’s hard to grasp why we as human beings care so much about the concept of beauty. But it doesn’t have to be complicated. When I was still more unhealthy and unconfident, I felt it when I wore a new scarf, when my hair looked nice, when I had a cool pair of earrings… it can be from the smallest of things.

That feeling of confidence is not going to make you happy all of a sudden but I’m tired of hearing people underestimate the power boost and energy it can give you and downplaying it as superficial. I know there is a line where it crosses to vanity. But there is a middle ground between not taking care of yourself and vanity.

To a lot it comes naturally the process of hygiene, dressing your style, exercising, eating well. To others, it may not. I think confidence can be felt at any weight and appearance, but it’s a lot easier to feel confident when you know you are healthy and taking good care of yourself.

I’ve mentioned weight a lot, but know that health is always my number one priority and weight is just one tracker of your health. It’s an important tracker of your health, but it’s not decisive on whether you are healthy or not because it has to be very specific to your daily activities, your job, your height, your body type. And it’s not decisive on wether or not you should think as of yourself as good looking.

I think beauty and aesthetic, whatever that means to you, does play a role in our mental health. And I think only when we embrace that side of our human selves, without excess though, only then we can be truly confident and happy in our shoes.

🌼 W H E N Y O U F E E L B A D

You can’t shame yourself into a healthy mindset/healthy habits. *say it for the people in the back!!* It has to come from a place of connect, self-respect and trust. Or you’ll just guilt yourself into worse habits.

When you have a “bad” day or a “bad” week, take responsibility in order to move forward. Be mindful of feeling guilty or like you’ve “ruined something”. Taking responsibility is different from feeling guilty. One helps you grow consciously and be better in the future, and the other doesn’t.

Every single day, every single week will not be perfect, but don’t let that week turn your habits around. Once again: habit always prevails. I see my habits as the foundations of my healthy lifestyle, as the foundations of a house. Wind doesn’t tear them down, just like a more unhealthy week doesn’t tear them down.

The healthiest people I know don’t care when they have junk food for a meal, they just say “I’ll be more careful next week”. And they don’t even think twice about it. They move on. They accept it and move on.

If you practice it enough times, it becomes second nature.

🌼 B A L A N C E

I feel like when discussing the health of the body, one word that always comes up in mind is BALANCE.

Balancing out the body. I think we know what we need by intuition. We feel sick when we eat too much, we feel tired when we don’t eat enough. So a lot of my eating became guided by this inner intuition of what am I feeling. I’m always asking my body: “What do you need?”

Somedays I’m demotivated, tired, experiencing mood swings, I know I have to balance that negative energy with yoga, meditation, sleep, good food, hydration. I’m getting to know my body more and more as time goes by and a lot of my results come from that LISTENING. It’s listening yall!

And if sometimes you’re lost and you can’t figure out how to listen to what your body is saying, that’s what trackers are for. Do you need to insert a wider variety of nutrients in your diets? Do you need to improve your muscle mass? Are you underweight, are you overweight? What are the foods you eat the most and when are you eating? How many hours are you sleeping?

Don’t get overwhelmed with these questions though, they are useful to help you understand some feelings that you’re experiencing and help you get in the right direction, however, with practice, it becomes second nature to listen.

🌼 D I S C I P L I N E

Another thing I would like to talk about is the role of discipline in a healthy body.

I think the word self-discipline in the diet or exercise context has a very bad connotation, like it’s a bad thing to be disciplined in your meals, or it’s a bad thing to be disciplined in your exercise regimen, because that means you will never eat ice cream again, you’ll always eat the same old boring things.

I know where that concept comes from, I’ve thought that myself, and I understand it. However, as of now, I see being disciplined around your eating habits as something very very good. It’s what has given me a lot of results, and it’s really simple, it’s setting a bunch of rules for yourself and following them. I’ve written more about self discipline, but in the case of eating, it depends on person to person.

There are things that I’m more flexible about and then things I’m really disciplined about. For example, I eat 3 times a day and at specific time stamps, and I’m strict about that. And what I mean by that is everyone has a different version when it comes to what, when and how they enjoy eating.

Discipline is not a bad thing because you can choose the things you want to be disciplined about. I enjoy donuts and chocolate.. so I eat them. I’m full after my meals so I’m disciplined to not eat until my next meal. I exercise everyday. Stuff like that. You get to choose what life you want to live through discipline and really think about your future.

🌼 M Y R U L E S

If you wanted me to say more specific things, like how much I eat in a day, or long I exercise for, I don’t believe those are actually important, because like I’ve said they are personal to each individual and each different needs and lifestyles, so I’ll just say my general guidelines:

walk everywhere. Walking is the most natural exercise and our body loves it a lot. it is highly beneficial.

eat my daily servings of beans, vegetables, fruits, flaxseeds, nuts, whole grains. Start looking at food for more than just taste.

Do yoga once a day.

be specific about your prefered meal times and stick with them. I enjoy eating breakfast, lunch and dinner. I drink water or tea in between but I don’t even think about eating between my meals because I’m so used to eating my meals at specific times. that helps a lot!

during your meals, eat until your satisfied! Don’t leave the table feeling hungry OR too full. Feel happy about eating your meal and appreciate the food in the table. It’s something precious and to cherish.

do other exercise frequently to build muscle and strength, so you can hold and carry yourself even when you get older.

🌼 F I N A L C O N S I D E R A T I O N S

What I tried to explain is hard to put into words. It reminds me of all the moments I hid in the bathroom during PE, cried because of my appearance at night, was humiliated by insensitive people. And how getting through these memories and feelings can’t really be put into words because each person has to look inwards and find that in themselves.

Losing weight is not difficult for a lot of people but for me it always had other meaning behind it.

These moments can and will be replaced by self-confidence and good mental health in the present and future if you keep working on what is actually important - your health, your mental state, and your opinion about yourself. NOT pleasing others. NOT looking good in the mirror. NOT being at a certain number.

It has to come from a good place inside you if you want it to stay for good and actually make a good impact in your life.

It is a slow progress, but remember it’s NOT just to look good, it’s to live a happier life and your preferred lifestyle.

So answering your question: I lost weight by being conscious of my health. I was conscious that I was not healthy at that way, I was not strong, flexible, fast, at least not how I know I could be. I lost weight by striving to find balance, by listening to my body’s needs, by being disciplined on what I gave my stomach to digest, by stimulating my muscles and organs, and always keeping my own happiness as the end goal.

Because I’ve been doing it for a while now, it has become really simple and I eat healthier when I don’t overthink it. Don’t overthink it too much. It’s good to be mindful about it, but I feel better when it’s not constantly in my mind to the point it’s worrying me.

If you were looking for a quick easy way, this is not it my dear dear friend. the truth is you’ll need to work hard on yourself. However, just because it’s a long process, it doesn’t make it difficult. It’s fun to be healthy! It’s fun to exercise and do yoga. It’s fun to eat healthy and normal! We can all do it. You can do it. I can do it.

🌼 A R E C O M M E N D A T I O N

I always make this recommendation but let me do it again. One of the people who made a huge impact on my mental health and was a huge positive influence in my life was Adriene Mishler from Yoga with Adriene. I can’t even remember when I discovered her or how. I did her videos first on an off, and then things started getting more serious and now I’m literally practicing every single day with her for the past few months and I don’t ever want to stop. More than being a really beneficial physical practice for your internal organs, for your muscles and tissue, it’s a daily practice for my energy and happiness. It makes you reflect on the way you think about yourself and take care of yourself. When I’m frustrated I cry and find peace, when I’m happy I get even happier, when I’m busy and nervous, I find my cool and calm.

Her videos are the perfect accomplishment of body and mind connection and have helped me so much. So if you’re not already practicing with her, whenever you can, try one of her videos, 30 minutes go by so fast. She has practices for anxiety, stress melt, text neck, self-doubt, centering, finding stability, connection, creativity, for the future…all free in her yt channel. The more you practice, the more you’ll see real-life results and an energy and mindset that transfers to outside the mat. I really recommend it okay? okay.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. :)) I hope this helped in any way, please never feel embarrassed to send me questions about mental health/physical health. anything that I can help with, I will help and be open about!

as you can see I could write to you for 10 million light years and I would still worry about not getting my point across. okay now I’m really gonna go, sending lots of love to you 💕💕💕 I love you, stay well!

#answered

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sootonthecarpet · 4 years

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if it's not too much trouble to answer, can I ask what's been the going on with doctor who that's bad? I've seen little bits of it when my parents watch it in the other room but not enough to really get a good sense of it?

heyyy sorry to keep ya waiting on this. i tried to keep this as short as i could, but it’s about five paragraphs long, sorry. it’s not in any way a comprehensive list of problems with the last few seasons, just a quick tour of the moments i shouldve let be my ‘i can’t keep watching after this’ point. i wanted to write it objectively but i got pretty aggro, bc this show that in some part i genuinely adore has been producing unforgivably bigoted content. (it’s kinda a ship of theseus situation, except where the parts of the ship were replaced with worse, shittier, fake-woke parts.) i ask ppl to avoid reblogging this, because i don’t want my words to contribute in any way to online buzz surrounding this show or make anyone want to see it, even if ONLY to hatewatch or criticize.

content warning for misogynoir/antiblackness, racism, bury ur gays, some shit with nazi germany (yeah lol) and just the slightest kiss of antisemitism.

(edit: i seem to be having some problems with the read more cut. it’s there on dash view and when i edit the post, but doesn’t show on some instances of my blog. i can’t fix this but gksfkgls. wanted to at least be overt that i wouldn’t post this kinda long ranty stuff without a cut.)

in the last season where peter capaldi was the doctor, two seasons ago now, he had a new companion, Bill. she was a black lesbian and literally the only reason i started watching doctor who again. i loved her, and i was really glad to see the show moving back towards the more diverse cast of characters that we saw in the late aughts. then the season had a repeated theme of FORCING her to either repress or not feel her emotions. there are two scenes that stand out most to me. in an ep set in like, early 19th century london, she and the doctor are talking to a racist rich white dude who is being super nasty to Bill. the doctor keeps telling her to cool it and not show how angry she is. then HE gets to punch the guy out and knock him to the floor.

this theme of the white man being the only one allowed to get angry was big all season, iirc. then at the end of the season, Bill is turned into a cyberman. they’re usually like. soulless scary automatons, but some characters keep their individuality, which has been explored in a few past seasons, usually leading up to a tragic/heroic death. in Bill’s case, they did this trick with filming where we could see her perspective of herself in some shots–an intensely emotional performance, Bill was completely traumatized and her actress was working her ass off–and in others, just this metal body incapable of expression, scaring people like she was a monster and monotoning these otherwise very emotional statements. it’s an interesting narrative device, but after a whole season of this show putting Bill through all kinds of terrible shit and forcing her not to show her feelings on the matter, it hit me as like. this nauseating exaggeration of how society treats actual black lesbians as monsters and tries to make them bottle up their emotions and especially their justifiable anger. anyway, then Bill died and got to be with her dead girlfriend from her first episode. wow, cool.

idk what made me watch the season after that. i guess i wanted to see the new doctor, and i liked her companions (one was like. a young man with disabling neurological symptoms, tbh even if i’d missed Bill’s season that might have had me back on board). i had plenty of problems with how the season played out, obvs, but nothing was standout horrible to me the way the shit with Bill had been (except maybe the episode that started out like ‘space amazon is a hellhole’ and somehow ended with ‘space amazon was taken advantage of by a broken AI that hurt some people and they didnt fix the infrastructure we explicitly showed harmed their workers but now it’s fine!’ if that sounds weird and heavy handed with an unsatisfying ending, it’s because it was). the new season tho? the OPENING EPISODES OF THE NEW SEASON, THO? it opens with alexa product placement, in an episode about how a fictionalized google was actually run by a black man who had ties to a large number of aliens who had secretly infiltrated our society, altered our dna, and shit like that. so uh, 1. brand war lmao, sellouts etc etc 2. y’all remember those conspiracy theories about jews? and white supremacist beliefs that black people are ruining the world but aren’t smart enough to do it on their own so they must be agents of jewish corruption? HUH. HUH! that’s not even my big problem with the fuckin thing, but it’s FOR SURE a suspicious writing move from a tv show with suuuuch a huge viewership. (and it’s just plain embarrassing for a show with alexa product placement to try to go all scary panopticon tropes specifically @ a google analogue.)

anyway, we run into an old recurring antagonist, the master, a time lord like the doctor. he’s a guy again after having been a woman for a few seasons, and now played by an actor of color. i figure the reasoning at least partly relied on “dude, how fucked up will it be if we force the doctor’s black friend to call a white dude master” but i was immediately afraid it might go to the like…. Righteous White Woman Gets The Better Of Evil Brown Man tropes and oh boy!!!! i tried to be good and give it the benefit of the doubt until i saw something racist but it wasted no time. the doctor got stuck in the past at one point, and met the master, who was currently a military official with the third reich. oh boy. so she asks him why they let him work with them and he explains he’s using a device to psychically disguise himself, they see him as white. (we missed a great chance for him to monologue about how they were willing to bend their morals when they saw how evil he could get or something.) this was awkward enough for me as a viewer, but i wasn’t prepared to go into it, in case there was some tiny shred of nuance somewhere that would make this situation anything but a clusterfuck.

well, the doctor executes a genuinely clever scheme and makes a radio transmission to the brits that she knows won’t reach em, talking about how helpful this officer has been–setting up the master to be falsely outed as a double agent when the nazis intercept it. she tells the master this and then skedaddles, letting him be arrested by his own men. could be a satisfying karmic victory where he presumably gets a military trial and weasels out of his fate, although i don’t like the implications of a white woman punishing a brown man for racism. BUT IT DIDN’T STOP THERE! she disables his psychic filter, causing his men to see his true identity as a man of color–she exposes her oldest frenemy and Basically The Only Time Lord Who’ll Talk To Her to nazi racism when he was ALREADY about to fall into their hands as a prisoner. what could have been a marginally satisfying defeat was instead a kind of emotional horrorshow for me as i had to stop and wonder what kind of hell they’d put him through and why the writers decided that the doctor (who has literally since the show began in like the sixties been set up as an enemy of naziism via allegory and has always been firm in the idea that NOBODY, including literal maneating space monsters, deserves to be treated as less than human) would DO that. IT’S LATER IMPLIED HE ESCAPED FROM A CONCENTRATION CAMP. the narrative DOES NOT allow time for that to sink in before moving on.

i dont have a conclusion 2 this. im just hurt as fuck about it. i hope i gave u the info u were looking for without getting too deep into my personal feelings, but it’s difficult, maybe impossible to be objective about stuff like this.

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