#idk there’s something deeply mentally wrong with me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drac-kool-aid · 9 months

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Seward's bone deep desire to run away from the asylum is not exactly surprising. There have been a lot of really good meta posts about how the return of Van Helsing into his life is the turning point where we see the caring and good side of him and how we can interpret his life as a student in Amersterdam as one of freedom and happiness. How he is part of the tragedy of manners, how strict social expectations allow Dracula to persist, and how they only exacerbate the unhappiness of the characters.

And I think the tragedy of Seward is that, really, he should not be the head of an asylum. It's a job that brings him no joy, and he's BAD at it. We can all recognize that if your first reaction to going back to work is "What if I just leave it all." That isn't a healthy work environment.

Now, in the modern day, the ability to pick and choose a work environment, even to leave one that is damaging your mental health, is a privilege. (IT SHOULDNT BE, but it is). And, although it is definitely reaching crisis levels in modern times, major changes in your career have almost always been difficult (unless you are really rich, or a particular brand of academic in the 17th-18th century, or both).

Seward can't just leave and become a surgeon. To give up the lofty position of "Head of an Asylum" would be unthinkable in the 1890s, especially for a reason like "Being here is basically turning me into the Joker." Like, how would Seward explain that in polite society? Would they accept that reasoning? Would they create salacious gossip if they didn't? Can Seward leave his position without losing a great amount of social capital?

Probably not.

His rise to head of an asylum, as many have pointed out, was meteoric, to say the least. It has afforded him status and respect and also left him deeply, deeply fucked up. And he can't leave!

I think his desperate attempts to quantify Renfield's behaviors into a new mental illness are telling in this regard. Maybe he is too used to having to meet some sort of expectation, and now he thinks this is the logical next step (It's NOT, but I digress). The feeling of having to keep performing above expectations, grasping at straws to do so, and subsequently burning oneself out (as well as others around you) and engaging in unethical practices? Idk. It sounds like something that would happen today. (tbh there are probably a ton of Sewards out there today, as there are still systemic problems within the mental health system that allow for the dehumanizing and abuse of patients).

It doesn't excuse his behavior. Nothing he does to Renfield is excusable, but I think it does explain some of the *why*. He isn't just cruel for cruelty's sake.

So, tldr I guess: I think reading Seward as someone who got stuck on a career path that he realized was unfufilling and that he ends up hating. Social conventions restrict him from just quitting without and a (socially acceptable) good reason to do so, and a lifetime of being regarded as one of the smartest people in the room means he can not allow himself to fail. Unfortunately, this also means he can not admit when his actions or his ideas are wrong when it comes to his job.

(But he can show that uncertainty FOR Lucy, and TO Arthur and Van Helsing, which speaks his trust and love for them)

#dracula daily #jack seward #re: dracula #i think im rambling #but this kind of hit me #Jack's trapped in the asylum too in a way #only difference is his place of power allows him to take out that frustration on others #and i think it speaks VOLUMES that one of Jack's first entries was about how he regretted exacerbating Renfield just to study him #and as the sleepless nights and days filled of performing a job that he hates (and cannot bring himself to admit he hates)#as well as the depression from rejection #he stops feeling guilty

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hunterwritings · 7 months

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𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 | 𝐛𝐢-𝐡𝐚𝐧

summary: bihan has a hard time expressing his love for his family in words and it can cause his child to lose faith in him sometimes warnings: small violence, small mention of blood, wife!reader, mother!reader, child is around 8? idk, bi-han is a little mean at first, notes: i've been thinking about this for a while and its making me go crazy | also this got a lot more angsty than I thought it was going to be 😭| wc: 1794

"Agh!" The sound of a thud echoes as you watch your son hit the floor.

You had your arms crossed as you watched him and another child sparring. Training to be a warrior of the Lin Kuei was not an easy thing to watch for a mother.

You knew your child was strong, having both his father's strength and your own, but it was still hard for you to watch. Your eyes peer to the side to see Bi-han standing next to you, watching closely at his child. You couldn't tell what he was thinking behind those piercing eyes: Was he worried about your son getting hurt? Or was he mentally ridiculing him for not being able to fight better? Either way, you knew you'd never get a straight answer from him.

An exhale escapes your mouth as you turn your attention back to your son, he had gotten the upper hand and was able to pin down his opponent until he was incapacitated.

"Stop." Bi-han said firmly, watching as both the boys let go of each other and stand up back in their starting positions. You saw that both of them were sweaty and had small scratches on their faces and small drops of blood on their knuckles.

"(S/N) wins. You will continue on with this training at dusk." He explains as the boys bow in front of each other before being dismissed.

You watch as your son turned to his father with hope in his eyes, and all Bi-han did was give him a small nod before walking away. Light in his eyes faded as his face fell and you thought you could hear the sound of your heart breaking. "(S/N) you did so well!" You compliment him as you walk up to him and kneel down in front of him.

He avoided your eyes, keeping his gaze down to the ground. You could practically feel the disappointment on his face. "It's okay honey, you did very good." You try to reassure him, pulling him into a hug.

"Now let's go and get you some food and I'll help patch this up." You say pulling away from him and gesturing at the small cuts on his hands. He just nods and keeps his eyes down. You stand back to your feet and he reaches up and grabs your hand tightly.

Some time passes and you manage to patch up his small injuries and feed him dinner before tucking him into bed. Once he's lying down, you quietly leave his room and make your way over to your shared room with Bi-han. You found him fumbling to take off his arm gauntlets as he just lifted his gaze to meet yours before turning back down to his arms.

"Bi-han." You speak. He doesn't respond.

"Bi-han." You spoke louder now crossing your arms.

He finally averts his attention to you and bitterly asks, "What have I done now?" Oh boy

You raise your eyebrows at him, your mouth slightly agape. You knew you didn't have to say anything, Bi-han knew what he had done wrong. He sighs deeply while looking down and turns to you and gives you a dejected look. Your gaze could burn a hole through his head if you had stared any harder. "There is something you want to talk about?' He asks, much softer this time.

"Yes, there is." You bluntly answer.

"You cannot treat your child this way, he walks around believing that his father has no appreciation for him." Your words were like poison to him, you knew that he felt guilt by the way he turned away and tried to avoid your eyes. You stepped closer to him, not allowing him to avoid you.

"Do you wish for him to grow up believing that his father doesn't love him?" That struck a nerve. "No." He says, turning to face you. By the look on his face, you could tell that the thought alone had hurt him. He had memories flying in his mind of how he felt towards his own father, how he vowed to never let his child feel the same way he did.

"That should not even be a question, he should know that already - it should be common knowledge!" He argues, trying to defend himself while also mentally cursing himself out.

"It is not common knowledge to him, he is a young boy. He cannot just assume that you love him, he has to be shown love and compassion, Bi-han." You explain, lying one of your hands on his cold cheek. "It is hard for you to say that, I know, but you must try. It is the least he deserves." Your voice was soft now, no longer arguing.

His expression had changed; what was once defensive and angry, was now sad and full of shame. it wasn't your intention to hurt him, but you had to let him know or else this behavior would just continue.

"You are a good father, Bi-han. You care about your family more than anything and you would go to the ends of the Earth to protect (S/N), let him know that. Trust me, he will be grateful. I know you want him to be a powerful fighter, if anything, your praise will make him even stronger." Your words must've impacted Bi-han, who was now looking down to the floor. His face was cradled by your hands, you could almost see a gloss going over his eyes from the way the moonlight fell on his face.

Before he could respond, you heard something moving around your door. Instinctively, the two of you whipped your heads around to look at the door, not seeing anything strange in particular. Until you see a small hand wrap around the edge of the door and small eyes peering from behind the cracked door. You chuckled in relief, lying your hands on your hips as you look at him.

"You are seen, young one." He pushes the door open and walks into your room. "Grandmaster." He stops and bows in front of Bi-han before standing back up. "You are supposed to be in bed." Bi-han advises, his normal cold exterior now posing as a cover-up for his vulnerability showing through just a moment ago.

"I know, I'm sorry father, I just - um." Your son struggled to get the words out, keeping his eyes down as he fidgeted with his fingers.

"Are you having trouble sleeping?" You ask softly as he nods. "Aw honey, was it a nightmare?" He looks up at Bi-han, not wanting to seem cowardly in front of him. He doesn't answer you but you know that he must've had a bad dream.

"Here, we'll come put you back in bed, okay?" You softly say as you reach out your hand and he tightly grabs ahold of it. You begin to walk him out of the room, looking back over your shoulder to Bi-han and urging him to follow you. He almost hesitates before eventually following you.

You make your way to his room and he crawls back into his bed. You pull up the sheets for him before sitting on the edge of his bed next to him. Bi-han stays in the doorway, as if he didn't know how to continue or he didn't want to do anything wrong.

"You don't have to feel bad for coming to find us if something is wrong, know that." You tell him as he nods. You lean in and give him a soft kiss on his head. "We love you very much, (S/N)." You add as you hold his head in your hand. A large smile spreads across his lips as he looks up at you.

Your head turns over your shoulder. "Bi-han?" You only say his name, but he's smart enough to know what you are asking. He takes a deep breath before going to the other side of his bed and sitting down. Your son's face dropped, thinking that he may be in trouble for something.

Bi-han kept his eyes down on the bed, looking up at you and back down to the bed. "(S/N)." He starts, finally looking up to give his son eye contact. He takes another inhale and exhale, trying to stall and be able to find the right words. "You are a good fighter." He starts, unable to keep the eye contact and constantly looking down. Your son's expression changes from worried to beaming, you can practically feel him healing already.

"You train to become a strong warrior, it is why you are always fighting. You have shown a lot of progress and it is gratifying to know that you have been learning all this time. I have no doubt that you will become one of the best members of the Lin Kuei." He finishes, looking to you as if he is asking, 'was that okay?'.

He looks back to his son, whos eyes are full of happiness and he has a large smile plastered on his lips. Bi-han looked down with a small smile on his face. Then, your son sat up from under the covers and wrapped his arms around his father's neck and hold him in a close hug. Bi-han's hands reached up at held him closely. As he hugged his child, Bi-han peered over to you with a relief-filled smile on his face. You knew this was healing for both of them, your son has positive reinforcement from his father and Bi-han knows that his child still loves him. He pulled away from the hug and brought a small kiss to the top of his son's head as you did earlier before he crawled back under the covers and laid his head on the pillow, his expression still full of light. "Goodnight, my love." You say before both you and Bi-han stand up from his bed and walk out, closing the door behind you.

"See? Doesn't that feel better?"

Before you could even look up at him, his arms are wrapped around you, holding you so tight you thought he might break your ribcage. You felt the shakiness of his hands wrapped around you torso and felt his chest heaving up and down against yours. "I don't want him to feel resent towards me, as I did my father." His voice was shaky, like he had been holding that fear in. "He won't, Bi-han. He's infatuated with you, he looks to you for approval." You explain, holding his head closely.

You knew this had changed something in him, a problem he had silently be ignoring. It made you happy, knowing how much he cared and now knowing that he will put extra effort into making his love known.

#— hunterwritings #hunterwritings #mk1 #mk1 x reader #mortal kombat #bihan #bihan x reader #bi han #bi han x reader #sub zero #bi han sub zero #sub zero x reader #bihan mk1 #bi han mk1 x reader #bi han sub zero x reader

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possessedbybeatlemania · 9 days

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Idk whats wrong with me but I don't trust 'the cute beatle'.

That giggly twink has something to hide!

There's something deeply and mentally wrong with him behind those eyelashes

#evil twink #the beatles #paul mccartney #makz speakz #james paul mccartney #sir paul mccartney #beatles #1960s #60s

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sillygoosealert · 3 months

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Can you do a part 2 with breaking up with Bihan? I don't think Bihan would give up so easily lol

Tehe okay 🤭

Breaking up with Bi-Han (part two- gaslighting addition ☆(≧∀≦*)ﾉ)

Tw-gaslighting, crying, mental health

‘You can’t just break up with me, this isn’t how it works..’ a puzzled look must be on your face because he lets out a huff and puts a hand on your chin so you can’t avoid eye contact.

‘We can work this out, we aren’t breaking up’ you didn’t think he could just refuse to break up with you.

‘You can’t just say no, I don’t want to be with you’ he doesn’t like this as you see his frown grow.

‘You don’t want to break up, you’re just upset and I want to know what’s wrong. I care about you.’ It isn’t easy for him to word what he is thinking, but he isn’t one to just let things not go his way; he’s playing the long game.

‘I don’t feel me- I don’t know, maybe I just want a break..’

‘No. A break would only make you spiral, you want help, I can give that to you’ well he might have a point, he can, and it sounds like he will.

‘Okay..’

‘So we’re still together..?’

‘Yeah..’ you give him a little smile and lean your head where his arm meets his torso.

‘Okay..’

‘I love you, and I care about you deeply’

‘I know, I love you too..’

He’s so yummy, sorry I’m only doing blurbs rn, I have a lot to do 🎀 Idk what to do next, I know I want to do something with Tomas but I need ideas ..

#bi han #bihan #mk1 bi han #mortal kombat x reader #angst #bi han x reader #mk1 angst #mortal kombat #i need to suck his dick #he’s so hot #UGHEE

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myarlert · 2 years

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𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒

itto, heizou, ayato, al-haitham & zhongli x fem!reader

cw: fluff, smutty themes. mentions of oral [m. receiving].

short synopsis + where they like to be kissed. it’s been a while 💓

minors do not interact | m.lists

𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐎

itto can get messy sometimes, especially when he’s been away from you for some time. he very much likes to hold your face as close as he can to yours, wrapping a hand around the back of your neck to keep you there while his tongue explores your mouth, tickling yours with his own. he’s the type that has to pull away after a few seconds for a deep breath, but remains close to breathe the air from your lips. ‘i hate being away from you for this long ya know? i like having ya around. now.. how’s about we go hide somewhere and fuck—’ he couldn’t help it! he loves to go around the city and find different places to ‘do it’. especially if the spot he has chosen has the thrill of being caught.

itto has a soft spot for kisses on his neck. he’ll just tilt his head to the side and let you lick up and down, marking as you want.

𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐙𝐎𝐔

heizou omg okay so basically, he likes when things are starting to get hot and heavy and both of you take your time with tracing kisses up and down one another’s bodies. he can get really into it sometimes, tracing little bites down your tummy before heading to your sweet spots. and he loves to tease with it! he’ll be halfway down your tummy when sense you tensing up, rolling your eyes back and he would smirk against your skin. ‘you like when i kiss you here.. like this?’ maybe even give little love bites to that specific spot while mentally taking a photo of all the little places that make you twitch with anticipation. sometimes he can’t believe how responsive you are to just kisses. makes him think about how you’ll be when he has his cock deep inside you.

heizou LOVES receiving kisses on his neck and chest. he isn’t afraid to get into that subby head space and roll his head back at a glorious bite to his neck.

𝐀𝐘𝐀𝐓𝐎

kamisato ayato is a man of class. he doesn’t mind having kisses scattered anywhere tbh. sometimes though, he just lays back and lets you completely worship him the way he deserves. nothing makes him fold as much as kisses from his belly button to the tip of his cock though. his back arches when you start going down and he knows exactly what you’re doing. ‘are you..’ he’d pause and look down as you push your hair back to start the trail of kisses down his happy trail, slowly making your way from the base of his shaft to his tip, giving it a couple kitten licks while keeping eye contact. ‘what a sweet girl you are.’ hed say with a soft chuckle, hands coming down to softly move your hair from your face so he can see the way you kiss and lick him.

ayato loves those types of kisses, the ones that always lead to something more. he won’t say he doesn’t love the occasional surprise cheek kiss though.

𝐀𝐋-𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐌

tbh he’s probably really gross. right? he would absolutely push you into a wall and shove his tongue down your throat.. but with class?? would he not get all needy and do something about it? i think he would. personally, i think he likes the messy, needy kinda kisses. the ones that he gives you when he comes home after a log day, where he just grabs you by the face and gets really into it, breathing into your mouth, maybe groaning deeply into it. idk maybe i’m wrong with my theory, but he just gives me the vibe of ‘in a hurry, quickly ripping off clothes, need you now’ kinda kisser. BUT, you can’t tell me he wouldn’t worship you, kissing every inch of your body and go down on you for hours on end.

al haitham definitely likes the random kisses. just walking up and giving him a gentle kiss on the lips gives him butterflies, especially if you try your best to get up on your tippy toes hehe

𝐙𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐈

ah zhongli. the one that will see you stressing out and pull you from your headspace by grabbing you by the chin, tilting your head up to press a soft peck on your lips. oh how he’s so gentle about it too. he’d go off on a rant about how strong and capable you are, how much he loves you and believes in you. he loves when he can use his lips to pull you down and take away every drop of stress from your body. but don’t think he wouldn’t pull you into his lap to introduce you to some tricks he can do with that lovely tongue of his.

zhongli loves receiving kisses anywhere but mostly the lips, cheeks maybe the tip of his nose but when you’re going down on him and you kiss his tip— yeah it’s safe to say he adores those too.

tagging @p-antomime @endlessmari @httphaitani @stygianoir @bunnyyamor

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outivv · 1 year

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Hi, can i ask for scenario/headcanons with dormleaders in which reader is feeling suicidal and just comes to them with seemingly tired/gloomy face and asks "would you take care of Grim if I'd die?" (if your request are still open and you're ok with the topic) also pls do it with comfort/fluff ending my broken heart needs it

Also sorry (and feel free too ignore me I would totally understand) if your request are closed and/or you're not ok with topic.

Here's the pic of my cat to brighten your day.

Synopsis: suicidal reader asks dorm leaders to take care of grim if anything happens to them

Warnings: heavy heavy talk of death/ suicide/ reader coming to any harm, if this triggers you please sit this post out, I want everyone to stay safe >:( (also this isn’t proofread but that’s less important than people’s mental/ physical safety)

Characters: dorm leaders

Pronouns for reader: gender neutral/ not mentioned

A/n: hello hello! Your cat is so adorable oh my god. Genuinely they look so fluffy and pretty :’). Also I am very very sorry that this took me so long to get to, but I hope you enjoy, and take care of yourself!!

— Riddle —

The moment you approach him he knows somethings wrong. Riddle isn’t very good with emotions, or social cues, but even he knows somethings up.

And he absolutely panics when you say “if anything ever happens to me, make sure grim is taken care of” he doesn’t show any signs of panic, because he has to stay calm so then you’ll stay calm, and/ or won’t get overwhelmed.

“I’m sorry [name] I don’t know what you mean?” He says, looking directly into your eyes. You can see the panic rising in his face, even if he’s trying his hardest not to show it. You repeat yourself, telling him again “if I die, or get hurt, or anything. Take care of grim.” Your voice stern now. Riddle sighs, not knowing what to do in this situation, and does what he can, leading you over to a couch to talk.

Instantly sits you down to talk, whether that’s you venting, or him trying to understand the situation better, or both, doesn’t matter, because it is a discussion you will absolutely have.

I think no matter the situation riddle will keep a close eye on you. Actively seeking you out at all hours of the day, and making sure you’re taken care of. He doesn’t want anything bad to happen to you because he deeply cares about you (especially if you’re considering yourself to be MC, then he very very much admires you)

— Leona —

Instantly no. Leona’s approach to this situation isn’t great, and I will absolutely say that, but it’s then best he knows because this is a hard subject for him.

“What?” Leona snarls. “I said, if… you know, something happens, would you please take care of grim?” Your focus on the ground now. “No.” Leona said, his brows furrowed, staring at you. “Please, I just want to make sure grim is safe, and I trust you the most.” Leona sits up fully now, the bed beneath you shifting to accommodate the movement. You often have pillow talks like these, Leona always pretends to be asleep but never actually is. “Nothing is, and will never happen to you.” Leona grabs your hand, and kisses the back of it.

Kinda is the tough love/ affection type of person, aka the type to say “I will murder you if you die”, and will make sure you know that nothing will ever happen to you around him.

Tried to make a routine with you, and take care of himself, and you much better. He starts skipping class less, keeping his room clean, makes sure he’s organized, all so then you’ll start doing the same, and feel better about yourself and your environment, which then would better your mood. (Idk if this makes sense, but basically he’s trying to take care of you, and make you happier by doing small things)

— Azul —

At first is like “yeah I’ll take care of grim, he’ll be the happiest cat in the world- WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU’????”

I think he’s kinda frozen when you walk in super gloomy already, let alone when you ask him to take care of grim if any harm comes to you. He does not know what to do in this scenario, and will very much just kinda blank for a minute, before turning very serious.

“[name]. Is someone threatening to harm you?” He says his attention turning to you, and away from his work, “because we will take care of them, if you wish.” His tone was sweet, but you knew his words held malice in them. “No… nothing like that I just… I don’t know” now what you were talking about hits him like a bus.

Once he really understands what you mean, he will reassure you in any way possible, that you aren’t going anywhere, except for home when Crowley find a way for that to happen.

I think that even jade and Floyd would get involved in some way to reassure, and comfort you, but azul would try to keep them out of it for the most part cause he knows how overwhelming they can be.

Azul understands what you feel, cause he’s felt it first hand, and I think he’d do his best to make you feel appreciated, and enjoy things, even if sometimes he’s a bit shy about it lmao

— Kalim —

Does understand the gravity of the situation. He realizes and notices that it’s serious, and that you’re upset by it, but doesn’t truly understand what you mean, by “if something happens to you” and what the something would be.

“[name] what do you mean?? Are you ok?? Is someone after you?? Do we need to take care of them??” Kalim asks question after question. It becomes overwhelming easily, but kalim as a whole can be overwhelming. “No no- I just…” you sigh, “if I were to die, for… whatever reason, please… take care of grim. Keep him safe.” He still doesn’t know what you mean, but he now understands how serious it is.

I don’t think anyone tells him what exactly you mean, because for him ignorance is bliss, but he’ll eventually figure it out in his own, and when he does he is mad. You’ve never seen him so mad. And he’s mad, because you didn’t tell him for so long (however long he didn’t figure it out for), and he is so scared, and so upset.

I think he’s very emotional, and very physically affectionate, and very much just clingy. Which, depending on who you are could be a good or bad thing.

— Vil —

Very much can pick up on body language, and emotions, and he instantly knows what’s up when you walk towards him with a very gloomy aura around you. And instantly comforts you, cause he knows what’s up almost instantly. You quite literally didn’t even have to say anything and he just “so why are you suicidal.”

Comforts you in every way imaginable, vil knows exactly what you need, and when you need it too, he’s very very attentive already, and now that he knows somethings wrong, he’s gonna pay extra close attention.

There’s not much to vil for this one, cause I do think that he’d just know what’s up immediately, and start trying to help you in every way he can.

— Idia —

Idia is bad with basic human emotions, he definitely does not know what to do in this situation and it really makes him anxious. Not the topic itself, but the fact that he wants to do something, but doesn’t know what.

“Please take care of grim if anything happens.” You ask, your voice laced with sadness. Idia pauses his game, and turns his attention completely to you saying, “Oh… why? Is… are you ok?” Idia is already panicking, what does he do if you’re in trouble? He’s no match against some mid level boss fights, how’s he supposed to fight someone?! “Im just… I don’t know what’s gonna happen… and stuff… and if I go home then… where’s grim gonna go?” Now he gets it… he thinks.

I think Idia is kinda in the same boat as kalim, he doesn’t fully understand the gravity of the situation, until he figured out that you really were suicidal. He tries his best to give you more of his attention, and look after you a bit.

Probably has ortho check in on you a lot throughout the day, he just wants to know that you’re ok. If it makes you uncomfortable though he’ll tell ortho to stop.

— Malleus —

He’s like azul And kalim mixed?? Like he’s a little unaware, but he understands that there’s some seriousness to the situation. He instantly is like “who is it that’s threatening you. I will actually tear apart the whole world for you, child of man.”

I think you outright have to tell malleus that you are feeling suicidal, or else he’ll keep freaking out internally. And when you do tell him, he just “what.” Because he’s very very concerned :’). Will not let you leave his sight for the next three weeks. He’s so protective of you, be will do anything to make sure you’re safe.

Constantly comforts you and tells you how much he cherishes you, and he just wants to make sure you’re ok :’)

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bunnakit · 5 months

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can i have your top 5 feral boys AND old mans you meet this year?

lkjlakjglk YOU KNOW ME SO WELL - so i just started watching BL in june??? so pretty much everything is new to me, sorry if some of these are old news to ya'll. idk if you meant for me to pick 5 of each but that's absolutely what i'm gonna do.

"OLD MEN" BRACKET 🌸 (most are my age or younger)

hoooooly shit papang in general. houghghhh i want to lick the blood off his teeth. i want to raise anarchist young adults together. i want to-- well. let's not bring beam into this, maybe. regardless, old man of all time.

what right does this old man have??? hello??? you just go around LOOKING LIKE THAT? all the time? i want to run a humble restaurant together. i'd be his ride or die.

i had to go make a gif special for him bc no one loves akk the way i do apparently. i wanna fuck that old man - and yeah, you can add that one to the counter. obsessed with him, i wanna see him get a romance of his own, i want to know everything about him. (and this is saying something bc i hate cops, but The Sign boys get a pass - for now.)

i know chan has pretty privilege ok? i KNOW. i do not care. i love him, i want to know everything about him, i've started several fics about him, he was my first absolute brainrot in BL.

i understand what chen yi was about and once again i am asking sooo so nicely for a prequel about his and ming lei's past and relationship. i would love if it was a parallel to chen yi and ai di.

FERAL BOYS BRACKET 🌸

this comes as a shock to absolutely no one. ai di is my specialist boy. i adore him so much, i want to hang out with him so bad. i wanna be best friends. i can't wait for my rainbow sweater to get here.

jack and his boobs are everything. he really stole the show for me (as all side romances tend to.) this is another show i could use a spin off or sequel of just them, give me everything, i love them - jack especially. give me jack's whole past, his pov up to meeting chao lian.

pisaeng counts, don't @ me. he was so feral in his own way for kali. absolutely unhinged behavior. wingmanning your own crush? winking and finger gunning at him on day one? PINING FOR HIM FOR YEARS? pisaeng something is deeply wrong with you and i love you for it.

tan is the epitome of "you're delicious as a concept, but as a real person i worry for you" - ESPECIALLY after reading the novel. i'm still laughing that according to personalities database we are the same personality. his flavor of feral is just soooo so sexy.

babygirl there is something so very wrong with you. this bad boy can fit so much repressed trauma in it. i think he should be allowed to bite people for fun. every fanfic i read exploring black's mental state makes me love him more and more. (also he's so difficult to write, i respect fanfic authors that explore black's pov so much)

ask me my top 5 anything BL!

#bunn asks #top 5 bl #manner of death #not me the series #the sign #be my favorite #history 3: trapped #kiseki: dear to me #moonlight chicken #kinnporsche #papang phromphiriya #kali my beloved

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perfectlyfinespacebacon · 8 months

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everything now netflix

some spoilers!! and apologies for the long post.

i honestly really enjoyed it! it was almost like a skins/euphoria but imbued with like a heartstopper/sex education vibe in the sense that it dealt with serious teenage issues/mental health but light enough that it doesn't weigh down on you. my character thoughts:

mia was so infuriating almost at all times. obviously under the circumstances, it makes sense but there's this level of likeability that was missing for me. maybe it was the writing or the acting who knows but in my mind it's like this: im making an albeit an unfair comparison to effy from skins or even rue from euphoria, but they were battling their demons and making all the wrong choices but there was still this level of “i want to root for them” that's missing with mia personally.

in a similar vein with alison, she is meant to be this popular rich mean girl archetype who surprises you but obviously in the first half of the season she's supposed to be kind of unlikeable but i found her very endearing. as for the relationship, alison and mia DO NOT belong together. like at all. i am not rooting for them. alison in a way forced a relationship with mia and then also mia was like too scared to say anything about it. its clear that alison liked mia waaaaay more than mia liked alison. like carli says in the last ep as well, “to learn to not be a fantasy to each other”, alison needs to take mia off this pedastal she has for her. i'm very interested to learn more about her character outside of mia though if they hopefully continue the show. i have a feeling that we are supposed to think that she and cameron hooked up at the end or something but i'm rlly hoping its a red herring.

carli is also a character i would love to learn more about. she definitely has more chemistry with mia and i love her for standing her ground against mia, as she needs to help herself before she can be in a healthy relationship. but i will say it was pretty shitty stringing cameron along.

speaking of cameron, i didn't quite expect to like his character as much as i did. in a way his arc in the season is battling toxic masculinity as he kinda seems to come off as this laid back, bro kinda guy but he cares and loves so deeply. it wasn't right calling bec a "sket". i'm not british but obviously its like equivalent to slut, and im very glad he owned up to it. i'm also really interested to know more about his family and stuff.

i love bec as well. she deserves all the happiness in the world. im glad she was able to air out her things with mia, albeit in a very treacherous way and i also love how her mom was supportive of the abortion. i'm honestly kinda tired seeing the mom kicking out the daughter for getting pregnant trope so it was nice to see a mom just being supportive. bec is just such a wonderful friend and mia honestly has a lot to make up for. re not telling mia about her and cam, it was honestly frustrating seeing mia be so petty. i understand that its a big secret and she felt like everyone was hiding things from her but its also right to have secrets amongst friends, idk that really stuck out to me.

will for me had the weakest arc as in it wasn't the most interesting to me. don't get me wrong, i love the character but it just wasnt giving a whole lot to me. i recognize him as more than the comic relief but also at the same time he was stirring the pot in a lot of the arguments / blowups the group had, consciously and unconsciously. though i will say will x theo <3 but comedic duo of the century is will x alison. the little song they did for mia's birthday is stuck in my head.

tldr; great characters and great show. it's really hard to find a show about teens as a 25yo living in a 16yo body that i enjoy and don't find annoying. i just love how each character was able to be so nuanced despite being an ensemble cast.

but knowing netflix's track record it's gonna get cancelled because a) it's good b) has wlw content... but i really hope not.

#everything now #everything now netflix #mia polanco #becca #cameron #will #alison #carli #sophie wilde #niamh mccormack #jessie mae alonzo #harry cadby #lauryn ajufo #noah thomas

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max1461 · 8 months

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To be honest, I have to say anecdotally that the culture I have observed in tech spaces my whole life is quite off-putting to me in a bunch of ways, many of which I think could be fairly described as "authoritarianism". As an early teen I was really into computers, and variously wanted to grow up to be a game dev or a penetration tester, but the culture of all the tech spaces that I encountered really put me off. I gravitated to math in part, I think, for reasons similar to those that initially drew me to computers, but it had a culture that I felt much more at home in. There were many reasons I gravitated to math, but this was one of them.

I felt alienated by the relentless prescriptivism of tech culture. Everything had to be an ought-question, a question of "should" or "must". In math there are no ought-question, or barely any—only is-questions. I like that. I'm a curious person and I think the world is beautiful. But tech spaces always felt to me like they were full of people who did not see beauty in all the phenomena of the world, but who wanted instead to see everything that was not to their liking eliminated. Whether it was arguments over linux distros or programming languages or whatever, it always felt to me like the ideas of personal preference and live-and-let-live were simply foreign to a lot of tech people.

I don't know why this is. Maybe it's selective effects—the kind of people who love to optimize code love to "optimize" everything. But maybe it's just a coincidence. Maybe I just interacted with the wrong people. I don't know.

There is a set of tweets going around saying, in so many words, "STEM people are authoritarians". Well, I'm a STEM person and I'm not an authoritarian, so I admit that I feel a little offended by that. But I think there is a version of the claim "STEM people are authoritarians" that I feel like I have personal experience with. Certain spaces within STEM do feel characterized by, as I said, a kind of relentless prescriptivism, a war of all against all to make everybody do things Exactly How I Do Them. And it's tiring and deeply off-putting to me. And yeah, I do see people apply this mentality politics, where I think it results in predictable awful policy prescriptions.

I should say though that this is not exclusively a thing I see in tech. I've also seen something which feels very subjectively similar in a lot of humanities spaces, especially of the lit-crit/media analysis cluster as opposed to like, the history/philosophy/etc. cluster. You probably know what I'm talking about. The constant arms race to be the most "radical" (as if academics are in any real sense radical activists), to use all the right terminology, etc. etc. It feels the same to me. Just as angry and micromanaging and just as much of a strain on my psyche.

Well anyway. There are, I think, real critiques to be made of the culture of "STEM", and I am personally invested in making them. But they should not be made by people who seem more interested in advancing an academic interdepartmental culture war than in seeing things improve. Idk.

#navel gazing

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uhswag · 2 years

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regret

fwb!charles leclerc x fem!reader

summary: you seek comfort in your situationship after a shitty day, but it only makes your day worse.

warnings: kinda toxic, smut (not that detailed tho), fwb

a/n: this was lowkey hard to write😭 and kinda based on something that happened to me😦 but f it we ball. i think this is angsty tho?? i tried idk. anyway enjoy buggos 💋

today sucked in all honesty. people on the street were mean. it was too hot and humid. your skin felt too much like skin. every little thing seemed to bother you and you were looking for a release. your release in mind? sex.

showing up at charles door for this was pretty natural at this point. the sex was good, and you guys had a friends with benefits situation going on for about four months. it was mainly sex, but sometimes you two had days that felt like real dates, and it made you wonder if whatever you had could be real. but all those “dates” ended with sex.

as much as you wished the lingering stares meant more, realising that most of your time together included sex at some point brought you back to reality. nonetheless, a small part of you may have started to catch feelings, but you would never admit it to the monegasque; you barely could admit it to yourself. your answer to avoid your feelings was that it was your “brain chemicals tricking you,” because certain hormones release after sex and can make you feel lust… right?

you end up at charles door this evening. you probably should have texted him before you were about to knock on his door, but this was an impulse visit. you craved something comforting tonight, and this was where your body took you.

the door swings open and a cocky smile is glowing from charles face, “surprise visit?”

“just need to get my mind off things,” you hum, stepping inside his flat and taking in charles’ appearance. your eyes wander about his grey joggers and a white t-shirt that fit him perfectly.

“why waste any time then?” he says, then pulling you in for a kiss.

you immediately kiss him back, hungry for him. your hands wander to the back of his neck to deepen the kiss while you fight him for dominance.

“someone’s needy tonight.”

per usual, you end up in his bedroom in some position on his bed. tonight, one leg is thrown over his shoulder as he thrusts into you. however, the sex wasn’t curing your feelings from earlier today at all. if anything, it made you feel worse.

mentally frustrated, and now sexually frustrated, your body starts to tense underneath him. regretting the position you are currently in, the comfort you sought in sex was nowhere to be found.

charles, who was confused, noticed your discomfort and slowed down, scanning your face for answers.

you pull away from him trying to find something to cover your bare body, “sorry, i- i just don’t know if i’m feeling sex right now.” you stammer hesitantly. struggling to find the right words to say as you don’t know the best way to vocalise all your thoughts right now. all the same feelings from the previous hours of the day resurfaced and you felt stressed.

“did i do something wrong?”

“no, no, it’s me i-,”

“then come on, mon ange, at least finish what you started.” charles cut you off with his suggestion, finding it hard to ignore his erect cock, but his words did not help you whatsoever. he clearly didn’t seem to grasp the level of your discomfort. and you really couldn't care less about that fact you may have given him blue balls.

“i just- i think i’m gonna head home.” you mutter, not knowing what else to say in response to his comment. this was the only thing you thought of as your mind was blanking. you were starting to deeply regret your visit.

“ok fine,” he laughs slightly, getting up off the bed, “go home then.”

“wait, what?” you ask in disbelief at what you just heard. a pit in your stomach forming slowly because deep down all you ever wished for was him asking you to stay.

“you came here for sex, no?” he states bluntly, redressing himself. “you don’t seem to be enjoying that, so why stay any longer.”

you look at charles, still in shock at what you heard, but his back is facing you. the man who is basically telling you to fuck off can’t even say it to your face.

“right,” you whimpered, ”just sex. i’ll get going.” was all you had to say. you had no energy to even fight him back, all you could do was half heartedly agree. you needed to get out of his flat as soon as possible. frantically, you were searching for your belongings while biting your lip, trying to hold back that flow of tears and ignore the pain that was growing in your chest.

forgetting everything from earlier, this was worse. charles made you feel like a useless cumdumpster, and maybe that’s what you were to him for the past four months. he spoke to you like you meant nothing.

seeking solace in your own bed, you practically ran home. you wanted to walk as far away from him as humanly possible.

but, some part of you wanted to believe maybe he was pushing you away because he caught feelings too. maybe he was scared and that’s why he said what he said, but no matter the mental convincing or the “what if’s,” you heard him loud and clear. showing up tonight was your first and last mistake. you should've just stayed home.

━━━━━━━━

part 2??? let me know idk. also sorry for the verb tense changes but i actually cba to fix them because i wanted to get this out since i havent posted in a min.

also if i missed any warnings lmk bc i also suck with those😭 this writing shit be hard for real, so constructive criticism is welcome!

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mayflowers515 · 3 months

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You know what? I like you.

Have some random incorrect quotes of the Critters!

(Not specific to the AU. Canon? Idk, these are just for fun-)

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Bubba: I don’t know how you have your foot in your mouth, your head up your ass, and your nose in my business. But here we are, you fucking wizard.

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Bobby: Crafty, when’s your birthday? Crafty: Why? So you can look up my natal chart? So you can figure out my weaknesses? So you can destroy me? Bobby: …So I know when to wish you a happy birthday.

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CatNap: If karma doesn't hit you, I fucking will.

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Picky: What do we say when making bread? Hoppy, glumly: That's the dough rising. Picky: And what do we NOT say? Hoppy, sadly: That's the yeast fucking.

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Bobby, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Picky, standing in front of Bobby: *bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen* Bobby, crying: Please...stop...

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Kickin: Ooh, I like your accent, where you from? Someone: I am Liberian. Kickin: Oh, my bad. Kickin, whispering: I like your accent, where you from?

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Hoppy: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

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Kickin: This should be illegal! Bubba: It is.

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DogDay: I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back. CatNap: Why are you telling me this, I don't care. CatNap, right after DogDay leaves the room: I miss him already.

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(Alt version)

Literally anyone: I'm going to take a shower, I'll be right back. Bobby: Why are you telling me this, I don't care. Bobby, right after literally anyone leaves the room: I miss you already.

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Bubba: Crafty told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.

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DogDay: What the fuck is wrong with you?? CatNap: What? No good morning? DogDay: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you??

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DogDay: You saved me! Why? CatNap: People would think I murdered you if I didn't.

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CatNap: *out cold on the ground* (he's just asleep, dw) Crafty: Oh my god, do you think he's okay?! Kickin, holding a bucket of ice water: Who cares?! *dumps all of the water on CatNap's face*

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Kickin: This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me! Hoppy: Oh-? Even more humiliating than- Kickin: We are not doing this!

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Bubba: I don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are. Literally anyone: Okay? Bubba: … Bubba: … Bubba: Actually it’s gonna bug me if I don’t, so—

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Kickin: You... you said I could trust you!! Kickin: You said you were a GAMER!!! Picky: Kickin... I only play mobile games. (probably those farming and restaurant simulators) Kickin: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

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DogDay, singing: I don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need— Bobby: A family. Crafty: A better love life. Bubba: Mental stability. Picky: *clueless* Bagels?

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Hoppy: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED! Hoppy: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY! Picky: Hoppy just threw a tantrum about a chair. Picky: I just won Hoppy Tantrum Bingo.

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The other Critters, in a room with Hoppy, Kickin, and Picky: It’s calm in here. The other Critters: It scares me…

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Bobby: What's worse than a heartbreak? Hoppy: Waking up in the morning and your phone wasn't charging. Crafty: Waking up in the morning. CatNap: Waking up.

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CatNap: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.

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(Alt version)

Post Hour of Joy DogDay: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.

The sillies :>

🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

#smiling critters #bubba bubbaphant #bobby bearhug #craftycorn #catnap #pickypiggy #hoppy hopscotch #kickinchicken #dogday #incorrectquotessmilingcritters

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