#idk just kinda wanted to document what this has been like all back to back

[notaplaceofhonour]

it’s october 7th. you hear about the attack by seeing people you followed glorifying the terrorist attack—a massacre, a pogrom—as victory & justified resistance, glorifying a terrorist group that was founded with the explicit intent to kill your entire people

you make a post in which you make it clear you support palestinians and oppose the ways israel has wronged them, explaining that the terrorist group is still not good. you know you will probably get some flacc from the pro-Hamas side, but naively underestimate how much.

you get thousands of notifications on that one post, the majority of them hateful comments.

some of the response is positive. multiple messages thank you for the post, expressing bafflement that it’s controversial.

a few Israelis are upset at the loaded language in your post, but explain their problems with it civilly. you called Israel “apartheid”. they ask you what apartheid laws Israel has. you admit you honestly don’t know.

your inbox is flooded with anonymous hate from anti-Israel leftists.

over the course of a few weeks you have received hundreds of death threats, a dozen rape threats. people accuse you of being pro-genocide. you’re a literal Nazi. you’re racist, you thirst for the blood of Palestinians. you’re brainwashed by propaganda, a shill for The Zionist Entity. a few of the hate messages are from literal Neo-Nazis; the overwhelming majority are from leftists, many of them queer.

you are considering suicide.

you see footage of the october 7th attacks. you see footage of the bombings in gaza. you see footage of a Jewish man being murdered at an anti-Israel rally.

a popular creator you follow posts in support of an antisemitic hate group that masquerades as a Jewish organization. this organization regularly posts blood libel and other antisemitic rhetoric, works with groups that are even more explicitly antisemitic, including celebrating October 7th, holocaust inversion, blood libel, “Khazar theory” and others. more than one of the orgs they work with is pro-Putin.

your former roommate liked the post.

graffiti appears on a street you frequent that says “#freepalestine” and “end settler colonialism”

the boyfriend of the friend you spent most of the summer with makes his first post about the war. it’s a reposted comic that mocks and downplays the october 7th attack.

you doubt he’ll be receptive to criticism. he’s shared leftist memes about “monied elites” pulling all the strings and evangelicals being modern day “pharisees” in the past, and getting him to understand why that was antisemitic was like herding cats. you try anyway.

another of his Jewish friends also pushes back. he smugly dismisses her, tells her she’s falling for Zionist propaganda and uses several antisemitic tropes. you go off on him. he just deletes your comment.

you give up. you’re done. you block him.

you see anti-Israel posters and billboards around town

you mention what happened with the guy you went off on to his girlfriend—the friend you’ve grown very close to, who you’ve been listening to as she unburdens her fears for the future and complains about her bf’s BS over the last year. she doesn’t respond to you.

a friend of a friend shares posts tokenizing fringe groups that spread blood libel and have collaborated with holocaust deniers. you know they don’t know what you know, so you explain what those groups are. they seem somewhat receptive, apologize, and take it down

the next day they share several more posts that dip into antisemitic tropes. you mention this to your mutual friend, that you’re worried about them being radicalized. you’re not sure how receptive they’ll be to continued criticism

you have a confrontation with the foaf. in the meantime they’ve shared even more antisemitic posts. they say they didn’t mean to cause you distress but instead of stopping they effectively block you.

the “end settler colonialism” vandalism has been counter-vandalized with the words “commie propaganda” in place of “settler colonialism”. you don’t know if this is an improvement.

a month passes. the friend whose bf you went off on still hasn’t spoken to you. you see she shared a post defending an SJP chapter that posted Nazi cartoon caricatures of Jews repurposed in “Anti-Zionist” memes. you unfriend her on all social media platforms but you can’t bring yourself to block her number.

you see a friend of someone whose couch you surfed when you were homeless harassing Jewish celebrities with “Free Palestine” comments. you block them.

you’ve lost count of how many people you’ve unfollowed or blocked, or who’ve blocked you. friends, content creators.

when a friend takes an unusually long time to respond you worry if it’s because of your posts about antisemitism.

most of the podcasts, youtube channels, and other content creators you regularly engaged with no longer feel safe. you wonder who will be next

a couple friends wish you a happy hanukkah. you don’t celebrate much aside from lighting the hanukkiah and making some latkes.

you see posts about a destroyed chabad menorah, antisemitic comments on Jewish celebrities’ Hanukkah posts.

your neighborhood is covered in pro-Palestine & anti-Israel posters. some are seemingly innocuous, some are JVP “not in our name” posters. some call for intifada. “globalize the intifada” “Zionists fuck off!” “solidarity means attack!”

a man kills himself shouting “free palestine”. you learn about his suicide by seeing posts from several popular accounts you followed glorifying it.

you follow a bunch of jewish accounts on social media and commiserate with them about everything happening

your jewish friends post screenshots of the dead man’s antisemitic, pro-Hamas views. you look at his reddit and find even more horrific shit: anti-Ukraine posts. mocking Zelensky. “elites” are “lizard people”; the only named individual he calls a lizard person is Jewish. you start to notice a pattern: a lot of the people he dislikes just so happen to be jews.

several people you know share a post glorifying this man’s suicide. most are acquaintances, one is someone incredibly important to you.

you wonder how they would respond to your suicide.

you tell the close friend that shared this post how it scares you. you show them the receipts of the man’s antisemitism. their response is a single sentence. they didn’t know about the antisemitism.

they don’t apologize.

you notice none of your irl friends, even your closest ones, interact with your posts about antisemitism. you are able to vent to a couple friends, but no one has reach out to you

you try not to read into it. you try not to take it personally.

you haven’t slept well in months. you’ve always been an insomniac but not like this. you’re not sleeping until 4am, 6am, even 9am. even when you get to bed at a decent hour and get a full night’s rest it takes you hours to get out of bed.

a few weeks go by. the friend with the single sentence response shares a post saying they’re excited and proud to join a group to help palestinians. you’re excited and proud for them.

a couple days later, they share a post about a fundraiser to help a palestinian family get out of gaza. you note to yourself this is a much more effective & less concerning form of activism than the pro-suicidal antisemite post.

your friend shares another post about the fundraiser. it’s a joint post between their group and another group.

you open the other group’s page

the page is just a wall of signs from rallies. you swipe through one after another: “from the river to the sea”, “by any means necessary”, justifying/denying the atrocities of october 7th, calling for violent revolution. anything done in the name of resistance can’t be terrorism, all Israelis are terrorists. Jews aren’t indigenous; they’re white colonizers. holocaust inversion. other vile, thinly veiled violent rhetoric

you feel sick to your stomach imagining talking to your friend about it.

you already feel like you’re burdening the few friends you can talk to about this. you already feel like you think about it too much, talk about it too much. but you can’t not think about it; it affects every aspect of your life.

you’ve filtered out relevant keywords on more than one social media site to avoid the worst of it. some still manages to leak through.

there isn’t a single friend you regularly interact with that you don’t fear the moment when they will switch from listening to your concerns to seeing you as the evil zionist or indoctrinated hasbaranik they’ve been warned about.

it’s not an irrational fear. it keeps happening. you knew it would then, and you were powerless to do anything about it before, and you continue to be as it happens again and again.

you don’t know what to do about any of it.

#idk just kinda wanted to document what this has been like all back to back #I know some of these on their own might come across as ​not that big of a deal but all together #they add up #tw for the all of it #cw trauma dump #antisemitism #i/p #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw death threats #tw rape threats #tw october 7th #tw terrorism

[orcelito]

Honestly I might skip ahead and start working on that 4th scene tonight bc it'll a: be easier, and b: it has CONSUMED my mind

The promise of instant gratification of a simple scene that means so much is so much more alluring than the 2 and 3 that are going to be So difficult to write, actually

#speculation nation #discacc shit #TECHNICALLY i kinda split the first part of 2 into its own thing so we have a 1.5 thats what im calling it. #since it relates directly to stuff in scene 1 and is separate in both time and content from the rest of scene 2 #so i didnt originally mean it to be its own thing but it's gonna be. scene 1.5. aka akira's thoughts on scene 1 basically lol #scene 2 is necessary group scene bc they gotta touch base lol & figure out what theyre doing next #scene 3 will be Fun but also SO hard to write. as these things often are. #finally gonna be consulting that Goro Skills document i made back at the start of discacc and only really used for a few chapters #bc theres not been much reason to see goro in the metaverse since then. it's just him doing as him does #but i went through all the skills he can learn with both robin hood and loki. AND his skills in his boss fight #to create a concrete compilation of skills for his personas to reasonably know #tho im gonna follow the logic of robin hood being weaker than loki due to disuse. aka why robin hood starts out around the same level #as the pts. with sae's palace. #which you COULD argue was him holding back but also futaba fuckin has tabs on all that shit. she KNOWS what level he is. #so discacc goro has loki at level. uhh. idk 70 maybe? #start of sae's palace i think is level like 50?? tho level wise the pts are only a bit into okumura's palace #so like. level 40 or 45 ish maybe. i'll have to double check what i said for end of futaba's palace. #man it's been a WHILE since ive had to think about the party's relative strengths #it's not like im quantifying it for actual gameplay. im gonna fudge as much as i want to do what i need to. narratively. #but it's good to have an idea of how strong they are to know how they would stand up against certain challenges. stuff like that. #which yes metaverse is relevant. but no one's surprised bc i mentioned pt training with the last Next Time thing so lol #but yea i have Thoughts. and i will. do them... #but FIRST. i will be doing the 4th scene. bc i need to stress akira out even more apparently.

[ravencoloredroses]

All That Matters

Nyx x Reader (Eris’ daughter)

Summary: Nyx and Eris’ daughter have known each other their whole lives. With a new alliance forming between the Autumn Court and the Night Court, their hatred towards each other will be challenged as they are forced to grow closer.

Word Count: 6,445

Warning: Swearing

A/N: request by anonymous: “Nyx and Eris' daughter!!!! Idk why but the idea of it is just so exciting for me. Since there dads are friendly (kinda) high lords they've known and seen each other around alot but are enemies to lovers” I love these characters so much! I might make another story with them… something like romeo and juliet maybe??

——————————————————————————

The last time my father wanted to see me in his office was when I was being sent away to boarding school. I’m not as naive as I was back then, but I know that whatever he has to tell me, I will have little to no say in. That's how it’s always been and always will be.

Being the only daughter to the High Lord of the Autumn Court, I’m widely considered a spoiled brat who gets everything she asks for, which isn’t necessarily false. But people don’t realize, or don’t even want to realize, that every decision is made for me. What I wear, what I eat, how I talk, how much I talk, what events I go to and who I’m allowed to be seen with.

My older brother is the heir, the golden child, he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants without anyone questioning anything. It pisses me off and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.

I take a few deep breaths to try and calm my nerves, emphasis on try, then push open the office door. My father has an unreadable expression on his face as he tells me to take a seat.

“Good morning sweetheart, how did you sleep?”

He’s stalling

“Good morning father, it was alright.”

I take note of his stiff posture, the stacks of documents on his desk and the mountain of crumpled pieces of paper in the garbage can. This can’t be good.

“As you know, it is my responsibility to ensure the safety of our people here in Autumn and sometimes that responsibility falls onto you. Alliances are an important part in ensuring our people are safe, especially in times of war.

“I’ve spoken with my advisers on this matter, but the final decision is mine to make and I’ve decided an alliance with the Night Court is in our best interest.”

I’m not quite sure what any of this has to do with me and my confusion must show on my face because my father elaborates.

“Rhysand, Feyre and I have come to an agreement that you will marry their son Nyx, before the week is out.”

“W-what? Father, you can’t be serious.” This has to be a joke, there is no way he’s actually suggesting I marry that Night Court piece of shit.

Nyx is slightly older than I am, meaning we’ve seen each other at almost every event for our entire lives. He’s never been nice to me, not once. Even when we were really little he was a bully, the type of kid to ‘fall’ off the swing set and then go crying to mommy blaming you for it.

As an adult he’s not any better, walking around like he’s better than everyone and has girls practically falling at his feet when he just looks at them. I don’t blame them though, when you look in his eyes it’s like you’re deep diving in the ocean and will never run out of air. I’ve never seen anything like it and if he ever looked at me the way he does some of them, I don’t even know what I would do.

But he only looks at me with eyes of disgust and hatred, which is fine by me, the feeling is mutual. He might be the most attractive male I’ve ever seen, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s one of the worst people I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. And now I’m marrying him.

“I know it’s out of the blue and a little rushed, but this has to be done, it’s already been decided.”

Right. It’s not like I’m gonna be spending the rest of my immortal life with him, so why does it matter what I think?

“Nyx is okay with this?” He shrugs his shoulders.

“You will be moving to the Night Court with him and when Rhysand and Feyre pass on, you will be expected to rule alongside Nyx and produce an heir.”

There’s nothing I can say or do that will make any of this better, so I just put my head down and shut up. I can, and will, cry my eyes out later.

“Yes, father.”

“Perfect. Now, go and enjoy your day, the weather looks lovely.”

This day is going to be anything but enjoyable. As I make my way back up to my room I pass a couple members of our staff, they must be able to tell that I wish to be left alone because they don’t even make eye contact with me. I’m appreciative of that, I don’t think I could handle sympathy looks right now.

Closing and locking my door behind me, I collapse on the ground and let my tears fall, holding my hand over my mouth to control the noise. I sit like this for hours, at least it feels like hours, and when my tears have finally dried up, I head over to my bathroom. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror, turn the faucet on and start to undress.

Normally, a bath with my favorite soaps will soothe me, but this time it does absolutely nothing. I wait for my fingertips to prune to get out of the tub, then change into my nightgown and head to bed; I just need this day to be over.

“You look lovely, dear.” My stylist asks me to twirl so they can view my whole look. I have to admit, I do look lovely, but none of that matters right now, today is the day where I lose whatever remains of my freedom.

“Can I have a minute with my sister?” My brother slips into the room and I give a small nod to my staff.

“Did you know?” I’ve been curious about this since my father told me, he always talks to my brother first.

“I did.” He looks down, ashamed. “Nyx is a good male, he won’t harm you.”

“You can’t possibly promise me that.” He closes the distance between us and grabs my hand.

“You are my favorite sister, if he even pulls a hair out from your head I will knock a few of his teeth out.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m your only sister and you won’t even be living with me anymore, how will you know if he harms me?”

He cracks a smile and releases my hands. “I have my ways dear sis, I have my ways. If you need to, look at me in the audience, I’ll be in the front row.” He winks and walks back out the door, which is soon opened again by a staff member.

“It’s time, my lady.”

I’m handed a bouquet and suddenly I’m walking towards the altar on a flowered path. I round the corner and I feel about 1,000 pairs of eyes on me so I look down and focus on not falling. I make the mistake of looking up and see Nyx standing there waiting for me. His eyes run over my body and I swear there was a smile on his face, but it’s quickly replaced with a blank stare when we make eye contact.

He extends a hand to help me up the small staircase while a member of my ‘bridal party’ takes my bouquet and fixes my dress. I’m mad at myself for the way my heart beats faster because I know it’s just an act for him to appear like a gentleman. I stare down at our joined hands and zone out for a while until I hear Nyx’s deep voice say “I do.” My eyes jump up to meet his and I realize everyone is waiting for me.

“I do.”

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Fuck. I forgot about this part. Nyx pulls me close and presses his lips to mine. I try not to think about how soft they are or how long this is lasting, but it’s pretty damn hard to do that as his hand moves to the back of my neck and presses me closer.

Is this all for show too?

When he finally pulls away and faces us towards the audience, my eyes search out my brother. He’s watching me with somewhat of a proud expression. I notice Nyx’s family -my new family- looking at us with watchful eyes, that’s not surprising based on the little knowledge I have of these people. I’m surprised Rhysand agreed to this if I’m being honest. The Autumn and Night Courts have never gotten along, but once my grandfather died of ‘natural causes’, Rhysand and my dad became friendly with each other.

Nyx walks me back down the aisle without dropping my hand and then we head off to my new home, the Night Court.

It takes longer than I thought it would to get there, but it might have just been because it was dead silent the whole time. I thought that we would be living in the same house as the rest of Nyx’s family, but apparently we have our own place. Maybe it will be better this way, maybe this will give Nyx and I time to get along.

On the outside it looks like just a small cottage nestled into the mountains, but the inside is incredibly spacious and already filled with everything we will need. Newly renovated kitchen and bathroom, a cozy living room, an office and a bedroom with a walk-in closet and an attached bathroom. A bedroom. Singular.

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” He announces while walking past me into the bathroom. Well, that settles that I guess. I change out of my uncomfortable dress and into a large sweater and leggings, then begin to unpack my things. When Nyx re-emerges from the bathroom he has changed as well, trading his tuxedo for a simple cotton t-shirt and sweatpants. I meet him in the hallway and start to ask about what’s next, but he doesn’t let me.

“I don’t care what you do, so long as it doesn’t involve me. I will be gone all day and only return for sleep to appease my parents. Do whatever you want.” He walks out the front door and flys away. Isn’t your wedding supposed to be the happiest day of your life?

I noticed multiple bookshelves when we first arrived, but I didn’t get the chance to see what books were on it. I find one that looks good and sit down on the couch to begin reading.

I didn’t notice the sky getting dark, but as I finish my book my stomach growls and I realize I haven’t eaten since this morning. I go into the kitchen and find a can of chicken noodle soup in one of the cupboards. I grab a pot and start to warm it up. Once it’s at a good temperature, I grab a bowl to pour it in and sit down at the table to eat.

Just as I get up to wash my bowl, Nyx marches through the door. He walks right past me into the bathroom without even a glance. When he comes back out, he plops down on the couch. I sigh and start to get ready for bed. Is this what the rest of my life is gonna be like?

Three days. The same routine for three more days. It’s been almost a full week since our wedding and he’s completely avoiding me.

It’s around dusk when a loud knock sounds at my front door. I mark my place in my book and open the door to find my brother standing there.

“Hey! What are you-“

“Where is he?” He pushes right past me into the house.

“Nyx? He’s. He’s um.”

“You don’t know, do you?” He spins around to face me and I shake my head in embarrassment. “How long has it been since you’ve seen him?”

“Three days.”

“That fucking asshole. Who does he think he is? The fucking king?” He starts to pace around the room and keeps spitting out insults about Nyx.

“Why are you here, brother?” I ask to stop him.

“I told you I’d be checking up on you, I’ve been seeing you doing the same thing everyday. That male has no right to keep you here locked up while he goes out doing mother knows what!”

He’s right. I know he’s right, but why do I feel this urge of protectiveness towards Nyx? He’s probably just busy, right? He’s the heir so he has a bunch of important things to be doing. But all day?

“Don’t worry, I’ll go find him and put an end to this.” He doesn’t give me a chance to reply before he’s storming out the door and slamming it behind him.

It’s not until I’m about to go to bed that I hear the front door open. I sit on the bed and listen for footsteps. They stop outside the bedroom door, I hear a sigh and then a light knock.

“Come in.” I call out, Nyx slowly pushes the door open and steps inside. He looks like he just got punched in the face. His left cheek is already starting to bruise and his eyes are red and puffy. Has he been crying?

“Nyx! What happened?” I go to get up but he puts his hand out signially me to stay sitting.

“I’ll be okay, but-“ He takes a deep breath. “We need to talk.” No good conversation ever starts with that phrase.

“Oh- okay. About what?”

“I want to apologize.” He says as he sits down on the bed next to me. I was not expecting that. “I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting. It’s not fair to you and it was wrong for me to treat you that way. I know you have no obligation to accept my apology, but I’d at least like to have the opportunity to start over. If that’s okay with you.” He takes a deep breath and looks up at me.

“Did I do something to make you hate me?”

“No!” He rakes his hand through his hair and sighs. “When we were kids, I was intimidated by you. You had everything I’ve ever wanted, independence, confidence and I hated you for that.” He looks up at me. “I treated you like shit to make myself feel better. It was dumb and I was an idiot and I’m so sorry. I know that this relationship was forced on both of us, but if you would allow me to, I’d like to actually give it a try. I’ve um- I’ve had feelings for you for a while, and for the longest time I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t true. But it is true and I feel like I ruined any chance that we had and I completely understand if you want nothing to do with me anymor-“

“Nyx.” I cut him off and slowly move my hands to grab his, giving him enough time to pull away if he wanted to. He doesn’t. “I accept your apology. I’m not going to lie, a lot of the things you did hurt me.” I take a deep breath. “But it’s nothing that we can’t work past and I feel like starting over is a great idea.”

I give his hand a slight squeeze and then let go. “Would you like me to grab the first aid kit?” His face has only gotten worse since he came in. He gives me a small nod, I go into the bathroom and come back to hand him the box.

“Thank you.” He whispers and I know he’s not just talking about the kit.

“You’re welcome.”

It’s around time for dinner when I finish putting all my stuff away. I haven’t seen Nyx since we've talked, but I think he’s in the office, so I gently knock on the door and wait for an answer. I hear soft footsteps approach and he slowly opens the door. “I was just wondering if you wanted to eat dinner… with me… soon?”

Nyx looks behind him at the clock on the wall and then steps out into the hallway with me. “Sure.”

I must have been staring at the kitchen for a while because Nyx moves into my vision.

“You’ve never cooked before, have you?”

I shake my head and look down at my hands. “No.” I only know how to heat things up. I’ve never cooked anything so I can already tell this is gonna be embarrassing.

“I can teach you. If you want.” I look up at him, shocked. “My mom, she taught me. It’s not as hard as it seems.” He walks over to one of the cabinets and pulls out a pot. “How do you feel about spaghetti?”

“I think that sounds great.” He gives me a small smile, places the pot on the stove and walks back over to me.

“Okay. Step one, you're going to have to pull your hair up.”I subconsciously reach back to touch my hair.

“Right. I- um. I don’t have a hair tie…” He gets up and walks into the bedroom, then comes back with a scrunchie in hand. I expect him to just hand it to me, but he twirls his finger asking me to turn around. His fingers graze the back of my neck as he picks up my hair and I hold in my shiver. He separates it into three sections and begins braiding. It doesn’t take long before he’s securing the end with the scrunchie and then steps back to view his work.

“T-Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He coughs then steps around me and heads to the stove.

“Step two, boil water.” He picks up the pot, goes to the sink and turns on the faucet. When it’s full he carefully carries it over to the stove and turns on the burner. We stare at it for a while in awkward silence until I hear bubbles popping, which I assume means it’s boiling.

“Step three, noodles.” I remember seeing the box of spaghetti in the pantry when we first arrived, so I go grab it and hand it over to him. He grabs a handful and drops them in the water. “Now we wait.” He says as he puts the box back and grabs a jar of sauce.

It was actually really interesting to see how the noodles slowly fall into the water as they soften up. “How do we know when they are done?”

He looks over at me with a smile on his face and grabs a wooden spoon. “Like this.” He picks up a noodle and throws it at the wall. It falls straight to the ground. “Ah. Needs a couple more minutes.”

“Um… What did you just do?”

“If it sticks, it’s done.”

“Oooooh.”

He laughs. “What did you think I was doing?”

“I honestly have no fucking clue.” Now we’re both laughing and it feels amazing. “Can I try the next one?”

He nods and hands me the spoon. “Go for it.”

I fish around for one in the pot, then fling it onto the wall. It sticks.

“It worked!” I place the spoon back on the counter and turn to face Nyx.

“You didn’t believe me?” He asks, jokingly and grabs a strainer from the drawer behind me. “Can you turn the burner off?” While I do, he dumps out the water leaving just the spaghetti in the strainer. “Okay. Step four, sauce.”

I try to be helpful and open the jar, but I guess I’m not strong enough so Nyx comes over to help me.

“Here, let me.” He opens it on the first try, then pours it over the noodles. “Now we eat.”

I grab two bowls from the cabinet as we head over to the table to eat.

“Thank you for teaching me. I’ve always wanted to learn how to cook.”

“You’re welcome. Spaghetti is pretty easy, next time we can try something a little more difficult if you’d like.” I smile as we continue to eat in comfortable silence. When we’ve finished Nyx offers to do the dishes while I clean up the table. After we’re done we get ready for bed and I come into the bedroom, finding Nyx staring at the bed.

“You don’t have to, anymore.” He looks at me confused. “Sleep on the couch, I mean. The bed is pretty big, so we can share it.” He gives me a small nod and heads into the bathroom.

I’ve already changed into my nightgown by the time he comes back. “Um, because of my wings I have to sleep on my stomach. I hope that’s alright.” I look over to find that he’s shirtless, just wearing loose sweatpants that are basically falling off. My eyes trail over his defined abs and the v-line that leads down to his-. My eyes jump back up and I see that he’s smirking at me. I turn my head away and clear my throat.

“Ye-Yeah that’s fine.” I never thought about how Illyrians sleep, but it makes sense that they can’t sleep on their backs. He pulls back the covers to get in and I follow shortly after.

His wings are tucked in and it looks super uncomfortable. “You can let your wings rest. I won’t mind.” He looks up at me surprised, I give him a small smile and a nod. I lay down on my back and he flares his wings out as we both drift off to sleep.

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

I wake up to the light shining in through the window and a heavy weight on top of me. I slowly open my eyes to find a huge wing laying over my chest, then I notice that I’m pinned underneath the body that wing is attached to. We’re Cuddling. Even if I wanted to push Nyx off of me I couldn’t, but for some reason I don’t even bother to try. His face is nuzzled into my neck and he’s wrapped an arm around my waist. He smells so fucking good.

I lay there wide awake for who knows how long before he starts to stir. He wakes with a yawn and hugs me closer. He must realize what he’s doing because he quickly jumps up, scaring the shit out of me.

“Oh- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-“ His face is bright red.

“It’s okay. I didn’t mind.” He gives me a nod and heads into the bathroom. I get up to fix the covers on the bed while I wait for him to finish. He comes out with sopping wet hair and a towel thrown loosely around his hips. I hurry into the bathroom before I can do something I’ll absolutely regret later.

I splash cold water on my face about twelve times before I actually begin getting ready.

When I come back out, Nyx is sitting on the bed holding a note. “What’s that?”

“It’s from my mom, she wants us to join them for dinner tonight.” He looks up at me and hands over the letter.

My dearest Nyx and Y/N,

I hope this isn’t too late of notice, but we would really love to see you both at our family dinner tonight. The table isn’t complete without you.

~F.

I sit down and give him the letter back. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I can come up with an excuse, it's no big deal.”

“We can go.”

“Something like we have obligations elsewher- wait what did you say?”

I turn my body slightly to face him and lightly chuckle. “I said, we can go. It will be nice to meet your family.” I think. Actually wait on second thought... No, it’s gonna have to happen eventually, might as well get it over with.

“Okay, yeah. We can go. Um, I just feel like I should warn you.” Uh-oh. “My family is different from most, it can be overwhelming. Everyone has very watchful eyes, they will be tracking your every move, especially my uncle Azriel. He has… history with your father and will probably not like you at first. The same thing goes for my aunt Mor, so please don’t be offended if they don’t open up to you right away, it’s nothing personal.”

Nothing personal. I’ve heard stories of the hatred between the Autumn and Night courts, but I normally just have to deal with rude stares or nasty side comments. I’ve never eaten dinner with people who hate me.

He grabs my hand and looks over at me. “If you ever want to leave, just tell me and we'll go. No questions asked.” I nod and slightly smile. I wasn’t nervous before, but now I’m second guessing saying yes. “I promise nothing bad will happen.”

You can’t possibly promise me that.

“I have nothing to wear.” I say standing up.

“That box is addressed to you, from my mom.” He points to a box sitting on the floor that I never noticed. I place it on the bed, undo the ribbon and open the lid. Inside is the most stunning dress I’ve ever seen. Dark, navy blue suede with ¾ length sleeves. Night Court colors. Beneath a layer of tissue paper are matching heels, that thankfully aren’t too high.

Nyx leans over on the bed to peer into the box. “Oh I have something that matches that perfectly!” He runs over to the closet and returns with a suit the exact same shade.

“It’s perfect.” I look up to find him already staring at me.

“Let’s get ready, shall we?”

I brush out my curls to loosen them up a bit and move over to look in the mirror. The dress fits me perfectly, it accentuates my curves but still looks elegant. Unfortunately, even looking as good as I do does absolutely nothing to help my nerves. My hands are slightly shaking and I doubt there is anything I can do to stop it.

“Is there anything I can help with?” Nyx softly knocks on the door, his way of letting me know that I’m taking too long. One glance at the clock behind me says he’s right, we have to leave soon.

I turn around and head towards the door, Nyx has already opened it and is staring at me with an expression I can’t quite determine.

“You- You look beautiful.” His eyes roam over my figure in a way that seems far too intimate, but I love it anyway.

“Thank you. You don’t look too bad yourself.” I feel my cheeks getting hot, but that’s the least of my worries at the moment. I reach out to take his hand, but hesitate when I see that mine are still shaking. “Are you ready?” I just need to get this over with.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He extends his arm out for me to take and then winnows us off to his parents house.

“Remember, you want to leave and we leave. No questions asked.” Nyx assures me as we walk up the pathway. I give his arm a squeeze as my response because I’m saving all my energy for what’s to come.

He doesn’t knock on the door, just walks right in and the chatter that I heard from on the porch abruptly stops. Silence. Just the sound of my heels clicking on the tile.

Two dark figures round the corner, one shorter than the other but both exude power. I already know who they are before they come into the light.

“Mom, Dad, thank you for inviting us over.” Nyx lets go of my arm to give his parents a hug while I stand by myself awkwardly.

Rhysand breaks away first to greet me. “Y/N, welcome to our home. We’re so glad you could make it.” He gives my hand a slight shake and then escorts me towards what I presume to be the dining room. I’m greeted with seven unhappy faces, each one more angry than the first.

Four females, one who is doing her best to not meet my eyes, one who looks ready to chop my head off, one who looks like she has better places to be and the last one seems to be as terrified as I am. There are two winged males at the table as well, one with long hair who has a watchful gaze and the other who seems to be assessing all the ways he can kill me while these black things float around him. I already hate it here.

“Y/N, these are the members of our family. Mor, Nesta, Amren, Elain, Cassian and Azriel.” Feyre says behind me as I give a smile and take my seat between Nyx and Cassian with Azriel across from me.

“Alright. Now that we’re all here, let’s eat shall we?” Rhysand gives a small gesture towards the table and all the plates are filled with food. I don’t even bother to see what it is, I just need my hands to be doing something before I go crazy, so I begin to eat right away. Everyone else follows suit and it takes about 5 minutes before Feyre breaks the deafening silence. “Have you been enjoying the Night Court since your arrival?”

“I haven’t seen much of it, but what I have seen is beautiful.” I take a small sip of water.

“Oh that’s a pity! Nyx, why haven’t you taken Y/N out to see more?”

“We really haven’t had the time, Mom. We will soon though.” And the game of silence begins again. This time it’s broken by Nesta slamming down her silverware.

“So, Y/N. How is your father doing?”

“Nesta.” Rhysand warns.

“No, I want to know. Because he puts everyone through so much shit just so he can keep living the high life. So tell me, how is ‘Daddy Dearest’?”

I choke on my water slightly while I’m desperately trying to come up with an answer. “I’m not quite sure what you are referring to. My father is well respected in my Court.”

She scoffs. “He is, is he? You don’t even know what happened, do you? What he did to Mor?” Everyone is staring at me now and I have no idea how to respond. I’ve heard that my father and Mor were in a relationship when they were very young, but nothing more. I glance over at Nyx to try and catch his eye, but he’s looking down at his plate.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been told much of my father’s past.”

I feel a brush of something swimming up my leg, my side, then wrapping around my throat and I suddenly can’t breathe. Azriel stares at me with so much hatred in his eyes, I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner.

“All you Vanserra’s ever do is lie. You know exactly what your father did. Your father hurt Mor, left her for dead, you and your brother are the exact same as him, evil. Why did Nyx have a black eye the other day? Did you honestly think we wouldn’t find out?” Nesta stands up from her seat.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as my hands grab at my throat, desperate for air. My vision starts to get blurry and then Azriel releases his shadows. I gasp for air and quickly stand up. “Can you excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom.” I run off crying.

Splashing cold water on my face does absolutely nothing for me. I slowly sink to the floor to sob and sob and sob. No one comes to check on me. No one believes me. Not even Nyx. Why hasn’t he said anything? Done anything? He knows that I wasn’t the one who hurt him, yet he stays silent.

Gods. I feel like the world's biggest idiot. I thought Nyx and I were getting along. He promised nothing bad would happen. I should have known better.

I notice a rather large window that I can easily fit through. So that’s exactly what I do, and then I’m running. I have no idea where I am, but I know where I need to go. Home.

I’m passing through some sort of market and nearly run into someone. I take a second to catch my breath. “Excuse me, sir. Could you please tell me how to get to the Autumn Court?”

The male points me in the direction I need and then I’m off again.

“Y/N!” I stop. I’ve been running through this forest alone for over 3 hours, who is calling out for me? “Y/N! It’s me!”

My brother. He runs right up to me and pulls me in for a hug. “What the fuck are you doing?!!” And that’s all it takes for me to break down again.

“I can’t do it anymore! I don’t care what alliance this marriage brings to father. I can’t be married to him, I just can't!”

“Shhhh. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay. Take a deep breath.” He rubs a comforting hand up my back. “I’ll take you back home, okay?” I feel a slight gust of wind and look up to see that I’m in the home I share with Nyx.

“No! Why did you bring me back here? I can’t stay here! I need to go home, back to Autumn!” I start to panic.

“You can’t go back to Autumn. Father will find out and everything will only get worse.” He lightly pushes me down so I sit on the couch and then brings me a glass of water. “I need you to stay here. I will be back to check on you, but you must stay here.”

“I will, thank you.” I’m too tired to argue. Now I’m alone, again. I know Nyx will come home eventually, but I can’t even think about that right now, I just need to go to sleep. I triple check that the doors are locked, then grab every knife from the kitchen and barricade myself in the bedroom.

I wake up to the sound of pounding on the bedroom door. “Y/N! Y/N I know that you’re in there. Please, just come out and talk to me.”

“Go away!” The banging stops and then he’s standing in front of me. “What the fuck? You can’t just winnow in here?” He kneels down on the floor as I sit up.

“Please. I just need to talk with you.”

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about. You left me there! You left me there while he was choking me! I trusted you! What happened to ‘we leave whenever I wanted’? What about your promise that nothing bad would happen? Was that a lie too?” I take a deep breath and continue.

“Was everything a lie? Everything you said? How you were sorry, that you wanted to start over and your feelings for me? Everything was a lie!”

“What? No! No, I didn't lie about any of that!”

“Then why didn’t you help me? You sat there and watched me get choked and then never bothered to check on me.”

“I wanted to! But they wouldn’t let me. The minute you left, uncle Az pinned me to the chair with his shadows. I couldn’t get to you.”

Is he lying to me right now? “From the second we walked into that house, you acted like I didn’t exist! Why?”

“Because I was scared.”

“Scared? What could you possibly be scared of?”

“I was scared that my family would find out.”

“FIND OUT WHAT?!?” If he doesn’t get to the fucking point-

“THAT I LOVE YOU!”

“You- you what?”

“I love you. I have for a while, but I thought that you hated me. I figured the only way to be with you was to have an arrangement made, so I asked my dad to-“

He looks at me with wide eyes, he's said too much.

“You asked your dad to do what?” I ask slowly, scared for his answer. He takes in a deep sigh.

“I asked him to ask your dad about arranging a marriage between us. He’s the only one who knows, not even your father. I- I’m sorry. I should have told you.” I take a step back, this can’t be happening. “Y/N, please. Let me explain.”

“No.”

“Please. I understand that I-“

“Nyx. I don’t want you to explain. Just give me an answer to my question. Just one.”

“Anything, I’ll tell you anything.” He’s begging now.

“Do you love me?”

“W-what?”

“Do you love me? Truly love me?”

“Yes! Yes, I love you!” He stands up and faces me. I can’t explain it, but I believe him. Maybe all that running I just did is messing with my head. Him asking his father to arrange our marriage is fucked up and I hate him for it, but I love him too.

“Then kiss me.”

He hesitates for a second and then slowly moves closer to me, giving me enough time to change my mind. Then finally, he places a hand under my chin, closes the distance and he softly places his lips on mine.

His lips are so soft, so gentle, like he’s afraid I’m going to break. My hands find their way to his hair as the kiss deepens. I trail my tongue across his bottom lip causing him to moan and move his hands to my hips.

We break for air and just stare at each other. Our foreheads pressed together, breath mixing between us, eyes searching the others. “I love you, too.” I realize I never said it out loud and based on his reaction, he wasn’t expecting me to. “I don’t want to start over. I just want to keep moving forward.”

“That sounds perfect.” He caresses my cheek with his thumb and gives my forehead a kiss. “Would you like to go to bed?” I nod as my response and he lets me go to pull back the covers. I get in first while he gets undressed.

There is so much we still have to work out. So many difficult conversations we have to have. But as I lay here with my head on his chest listening to his steady heartbeat, I can’t help but smile. I’m looking forward to those conversations. Looking forward to finding out as much as I can about Nyx. Regardless of what his family thinks of me or what mine thinks of him. We’re going to be happy, and to me, that’s all that matters.

#a court of thorns and roses #acotar #azriel #cassian #feyre #mor #nesta #rhys #nyx #nyx x reader #high lord eris #eris vanserra #vanserra #Elain #night court #autumn court #sarah j maas

[roamingtigress]

Yet more observations playing Dutch in Red Dead Online (I couldn't find something for today's Yeehawgust prompt so you'll be hearing another one of my hopefully coherent ramblings on the mustache):

-He doesn't just turn and run, he often does this over the shoulder and looks at you and does his kinda awkward u-turn thing before breaking into his run. You're a dude, not a deer, silly. It's a bit of breaking the fourth wall with eye contact, watch-my-back sort of thing which is cool. I feel he did do this in Storymode with Arthur but trying to remember what chapter/scene. It's actually a bit hard to 'steer' him into running because of this and he's been hit by a wagon.

-He can get SCRAPPY if there are players melee'ing nearby and if they happen to jump into him, he'll join in on them. While realistic It's EMBARASSING and I try to pull him out of it fast. Gets EXCITED and REACTIVE and SHOUTY in crowds. Maybe he just DOESN'T DO CROWDS. Much like me, so no judgement

-Seemingly random things will cause him to unholster; such as sudden swerving of the wagons. A wagon going by too fast. A passing NPC got startled by this and shot his hat off. It's a bit EMBARASSING around other players.

-He seems to have a limp? The left leg seems to have a tendency to just really swing over his right; really noticeable when watching him from behind (which I see most of him that way so it really sticks out to me), I have seen him do this in Storymode as well. I'm trying to get good shot at it.

-Most awkward parkour participant in the West. The grace of an elephant. I need to do a photoshoot of it and video if I can find a good, easy program for capturing the action. He lands like an octopus falling out of a tree.

-His coding seems that they've made him camp centric; his stamina/health will drain even when he's in the saddle and I feed him dozens of the stuff. Once I return him to camp for a bit, he'll be good to go after a refresh. If he's been away for camp for some time (or if I haven't used the Wilderness Camp), I'll be prompted to REST him.

-99.9% sure I caught him DOZING IN THE SADDLE until Sienna shook and woke him up. That was cute.

-HE PLAYS WITH THE REINS LIKE WE USED TO (OR STILL DO) WITH THE TELEPHONE CORD. You just know he twirls his hair like that too.

-Because he doesn't have a satchel, EVERYTHING GOES IN HIS PANTS or PANTS POCKET or GUN BELT. Imagine having 30 pieces of beef, 10 frogs, 10 squirrels idk how many fish, all in your pocket. Or pants. And Dutch wonders why wolves come out in droves when he steps out of camp.

Hosea has a different rein holding STYLE. Dutch holds his hands closer together on the reins, Hosea holds his hands out further.

I highly recommend the experience if you want to play a character that needs some maintenance and care and adult supervision, doesn't care about the waypoint to their destination but the journey, and don't mind being kept on their feet :) I love documenting and sharing these bits of detail and what he gets up to!

#rdr2 #red dead redemption II #dutch van der linde #dutch #hosea matthews #vandermatthews #red dead online #rdo #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption II online #red dead redemption 2 online #red dead photograhy

[bigshot-furbiestm]

Hi!! What are your personal headcanons about Spamton?

Oh this is an ask, thank you so much i've been dying for this.

*sigh* I'm probably going to get carried away and write like 1000 words, aren't I?

I'm a firm believer of acid theory, I think that yeah, he probably was really glitchy and messed up beforehand but the acid is what shrunk him and really made him all puppety if that makes sense. I also like the idea that addisons have fur, but I think it'd be like polyester fur or be synthetic in some way, so that when it comes into contact with the acid it melts and hardens, making him feel like he's made of plastic. This would also make his limbs have 'visible joints' because of the way it'd harden around them if that makes sense? And like- thinner, more delicate parts of his body (lips, eyes, etc.) would probably get melted off or damaged irreparably. He has TERRIBLE vision, the lenses on his glasses are really thick. I also really like the idea that he has really tiny eyes under there <3

I think that pre-acid Spammy would be a pretty alright guy, probably very unhinged and wacky and self-deprecating but cool. He'd definitely not be as tall as the other addisons because I hc them as nearly 7ft tall (maybe taller idk) and he's like, 5'8 absolute gremlin compared to them but average(ish he's on the short side) for humans. I feel like he's the type of guy who obsessively needs to look perfect in every scenario, like he showers a lot, combs his hair a bunch, checks himself in every mirror he sees, that kind of thing. He also absolutely douses himself in cologne cuz a boy's gotta smell good! plus he's wearing a full suit all day and he has fur, he must be baking in it.

In my eyes, he's at least a little autistic. this might just be me projecting onto him but I can see him masking around people when he gets famous, and after the acid and going crazy and so on, he just forgets how to be himself, the mask becomes a part of him kinda. He becomes a persona that I don't think he ever actually wanted to become.

(this is a common headcanon but I love it dearly) He's very artsy, I can see him wanting to be a painter at some point but then learning how difficult it is to make money like that. Painting is a way he works through his emotions and how he visualizes his struggle with control, I can see sunny landscapes and fluffy clouds kind of embodying that concept of heaven/freedom. Painting gets carried over even after he goes crazy, he hand-painted the back wall of his shop and tries to paint whenever he can (when paints get thrown in da dumpster)

He got famous around 19 since the birthdate I and a lot of people hc for him is May 3, 1978 (this might be cannon idk). This means that he'd be 19 in 1997 and is currently 45. I also think that he'd get famous around new years just because that'd mean that the full year of 1997 would be him being famous, then he flops somewhere around 1998.

The leadup to being evicted would be horrible for him. He can feel himself growing mad and he can hear a weird voice in his head that sounds like the man talking to him over the phone. The phone also controls everything about his work, he has no say in the matter, he just signs the documents. In a way, wishing for freedom stripped him of whatever freedom he already had. Again, he is brutally aware of himself losing his own autonomy. His paintings would probably get very dark and he'd rarely go outside. He'd just stay in his apartment in the mansion and work until his head hits the desk because he's always on the phone. I think that the person over the phone would get progressively meaner and more threatening as time goes on.

Pre bigshot Spamton is a mailman in my eyes. A little guy with a messenger bag who's always kind of nervous and a little sweaty but that's okay because he's a cutie. The other addisons kind of look down on him for being a mailman and even though they do love him like a brother, they don't include him in a lot of things. This makes him resent them quite a bit. (typing this out is making me realise that he's kind of like pink diamond from steven universe in this way?? lol)

Going back to how he's a little nervous, I think he'd only really come into any form of confidence after he makes the deal with (presumably) Gaster and becomes an overnight celebrity. It's the theatre kid buried deep inside of him, the need to act, what is a commercial if not a very persuasive performance?

He also probably dated Jevil during this time, but they both found the dark crystals and went about their own lives. The breakup is MESSY. Spamton feels like he's being held back by this fucking clown who just thinks that everything's a game. While Jevil is content using the crystal to excel at what he was made for, Spamton wants to break out of the status quo. This leads to arguments and them hating each other. :( (don't worry kids, they get back together when they're both like- forty lol)

He dyes his hair black because all of the cool human salesmen have darker hair and he wants to be like them. His hair is naturally white. I think his main goal would be to just fit in with them, and make enough money so that he can be free from his shitty mailboy job and live somewhere nice on his own and have all that sweet, sweet FREEDOM. Unfortunately, this went too far and he ended up being made famous. Task failed successfully I guess.

Spamton could summon his little spam cherubs before the acid and they just copy what he looks like and what he's wearing at the time. I think it'd be cute if he used them to open up filing cabinets and bring out documents and stuff :)) they'd also be good to have in photoshoots I think, just to look cool.

Although I agree with the fur thing, I'm iffy on a tail? idk lol, it just seems like a small step too far imo. I still love people's art and headcanons where he has a tail though, it's very cute. I think that physically, addison anatomy is fairly human except for the nose (obviously) and the fur, which I think would be pretty short on all of them except for possibly the chest and tummy :3 and really short like almost not there on their faces and hands, it's a gradient of furriness if you will. They're also usually brightly colored except for Spammy because the printer ran out of ink or some shit, I think he'd be the youngest of all of them by a couple years. Internal anatomy, oh boy here we go. We see his soul in the game so I think it's a nice idea that it always copies the addison's face and emotions. I also think it'd be funny if addisons could shout or at least speak in a raised voice for hours because they're always trying to sell stuff, they can also talk really really fast, (think the symptoms being read out at the end of a drug commercial).

I might add more to this at some point lol but here you go :D

#ask #Spamton #deltarune spamton #big shot spamton #spamton deltarune #spamton g spamton #my spamton headcanons

[corvidae-corvus]

My Spider-Man & Batman Fanfic (WIP) #4:

Omg I just realized that since Aunt May is literally a nurse she could be the first link to the Batfam.

So I've been having trouble deciding on how the Parkers and Batfam would first meet. Like...how they would meet, why, where etc. What reasons would the Batfam would want to know more about them. I finally figured some of it out.

The first reason I feel like it would be mentions of Dick walking around the city. Then they would meet Richard Parker and just assume he's a doppelganger. (When two people who are unrelated look exactly alike.)

Then like 2 weeks later, there'll be evidence of 2 people breaking into Wayne Enterprises or something similar. 2 weeks after that they're seen again and they're inconsistently breaking into rich people's companies etc.

Now 2 months after the Parkers arrive in Gotham, one of the Batfam is incredibly hurt and can't communicate with the rest of the Batfam. They're hurt and are in need of medical assistance. That's where May comes in! And guess what she conveniently has a whole med room ready and prepared to help them. She helps them and while they're passed out or something and when they wake up, they're a little confused but they like May. (I don't know who gets hurt, either Tim, or Jason. I'm leaning towards Jason since May's gonna be in crime alley and all that but I also would not mind Tim.)

Now why does may have a whole med bay set up? And how? Well like a month after they arrived in Gotham, they all managed to find each other. Peter is discovered last and they all obviously know that he's Spider-Man. (they have some memory of Peter's life. Not a lot but they all know that he's Spider-Man. Should I keep it that way or change it?)

Peter wants to go back to being Spider-Man and they need to stock up on Items. Mary and Richard are in charge of gathering supplies (stealing) and Peter isn't allowed to join since it could jeopardize his identity before it's even revealed. They know that the Batfam is onto Richard and May.

Now whether or not Peter joins later on or does his own runs, idk. But that's for future me to decide on.

So because the supply runs May gets her own medical equipment, and decides that she's going to help the people of Crime Alley get the medical attention they deserve. Also she wants to bring back F.E.A.S.T.

So may is gonna be a Charity worker/organizer/founder of F.E.A.S.T. by day and the nurse of the fucking underworld by night! Ok I'm kinda exaggerating but what I mean is that she will be an illegal nurse during the night ( idk who will be on stand-by during the end of Peter's patrol, but I was thinking that the rest of the family would, maybe Ben.) She would help anyone in need, that includes the VILLAINS!! This would be interesting since she died in an explosion that was caused by one of the people she tried to help (green goblin). I feel like she'd have a bit of trouble with the villains. She'd help them but she'd be really scared while doing so and maybe a little angry. She died and I want to explore that part of her character. Peter would definitely object to her becoming like an illegal Nurse but gives in to her because he loves her very much and wants to support her. He's just constantly worried about her.

Anyways I was also wondering if there are any canonical "illegal nurses" that are in Gotham. I've read fics where there is a nurse that Jason, or the rest of the Batfam go to when things get rough on patrol and the nurse/doctor is a civilian. Maybe they can be friends with May!!

Anyways this will obviously get May investigated. And boom! She has documents and stuff! Now I feel like the Batfam won't realize that the info is fake for awhile. Since Peter's parents are literal spies and they're pretty damn good at making a whole new identity without getting caught (my head cannon) and Peter's intelligence is crazy. He's also like 20 here he's definitely smarter now than when he was a teenager. And he had Ned and Tony teaching him how to hack. Now I feel like Barbara is the better hacker but I need the plot to slow down sooo....

I need to think more on this later. Anyways yea! This is like a part of May's Story that I would want to write!

Hope you enjoyed it! If y'all have any questions you can ask me about it! Maybe even give me some ideas if ya want! This is all just a WIP and I honestly I am not gonna start this fic for a while...but Everytime I post the story gets more and more coherent. Lol.

#fanfic #batman #crossover #dc universe #gotham #peter parker #richard parker #spider man #marvel #mcu #may parker

[yonpote]

I just saw your post about the underbelly of the phandom and you put into words something I've felt about this fandom for EVER. Like, this fandom specifically is so different to any other I've been in. maybe it's just because the phandom is pretty small and tight-knit? We all kind of know and recognize and are friends with each other, and I think that leads to us having more... idk, personal? In depth conversations not only about Dan and Phil's content, but them as people, and our own behaviour as fans. It's a very interesting ecosystem. And I think because we all kind of know each other more personally than you might know people in bigger fandoms, we kind of keep each other accountable? People aren't afraid to speak out when someone crosses an established fandom boundary. When someone goes a little too far with their speculation, or when someone writes a fic that's just... grossly inappropriate. We all kind of come together to re-establish where the line is. And despite us all being pretty friendly and familiar, there's still very noticeable cliques, and people in different categories of fandom. You have your fic writers, your gif makers, your archivers/phandom historians, etc. and the archiving is a whole topic in itself. I've never been part of a fandom that takes archiving so seriously. I don't know if this is still the case, but I remember a few years ago there were entire blogs dedicated to screenshotting and reposting their Twitter likes. Their likes. As if any of that matters. As if any of us will ever need to go back and find out what Dan liked on Twitter at 4:56pm on may 8th 2016. Like who cares? And yet it's something that was taken so seriously. Sometimes the phandom feels less like a fandom and more like its own little micro-society with its own rules and customs and traditions and methods of record keeping and documentation of our history. It's completely baffling.

(hello i was gonna write more abt this ask but i couldnt figure out what i was trying to say so i'll just post what i did keep last night lol thank u for sending this <3)

omg wait that thing about the phandom being a microsociety is so fuckin real like i cannot think of another fandom that has these kinda rules and nuances that we built and part of that is, as much as it sucks to say, due to the speculative nature of this fandom. like i think the reason we became so tight-knit was because discussions of that nature HAD to be relegated to dm's, private asks, locked accounts, isolated forums, etc. i think it was the community's own way of reinforcing the boundaries that dnp wanted to set up. but honestly dnp themselves weren't yet good at setting boundaries themselves so when the boundaries WERE first set i think maybe people just didnt get it cuz like, wait but dan youre my bestie why are you putting up this barrier :(

#myrambles #mytext

[tacos-and-doodles]

So a while ago I made an IEYTD Phoenix oc but so far I've been OBSESSING over my reverse oc. Were Phoenix is the villain.

So here's some headcanons ig (idk what to call them)

When Phoenix became a big deal and was FINALLY able to become top with ZOR, she immediately got annoyed. For example Zor has a “world’s most evil boss” mug and they gave her a “World’s most evil boss Jr.” mug. Everything that she got from being top with Zor was always “Jr. this” and “Jr. that”. It really pissed her off since she was being treated like a low rank villain from a cartoon or something. Eventually after proving her talent to them, she ended up getting things like “World’s most evil female boss” and things like that. It was definitely better than being called the world’s most evil boss JR.

In the main world where phoenix is an agent, her and The fabricator are like enemies. By that I mean they roast each other like “I wouldn’t be caught dead in that stupid hat” or “Imagine looking like a gremlin? Couldn’t be me.” and weird insults like that. But where phoenix is a villain, her and The Fabricator are like major besties. Everyone working at Zoraxis, including Zor, obviously knows that Phoenix prefers Fabricator over anyone else. Fabricator needs funding for her own project? Phoenix got her back big time. Sometimes when they have nothing to do they will get coffee(or some ✨fance✨wine)  together and they will gossip about the other employees. If their feeling frisky, they will both secretly talk about Zor.

When Phoenix became the big bad with Zor, she was lazy so she sent 2 females to go get her clothes. She told them EXACTLY what she wanted. The girls she hired were slacking off so they got hivemind and professor X-Ray to go and get her the clothes, and they didn’t tell them what she wanted. When hivemind and professor X-Ray got to her office and gave her the clothes.. Well Phoenix wasn’t too thrilled. She ended up killing the 2 female employees. Now she does ALL of her shopping. 

Phoenix has gone to quite a lot of Juniper’s plays, but insists that they were all trash. When Zor mentioned blackmailing Juniper, she was ‘eh’ on the idea but it grew on her and she agreed to the idea at some point. When Juniper and Phoenix met face-to-face for the first time, Phoenix was like “Oh my god is this really happening right now??” So for like a second or two it was like an awkward silent hand-shake and it was forever documented as a cringe moment in her head forever. 

When Zor was planning on killing Juniper either way, Phoenix said that she was fine with it but she ended up binge watching everything that Juniper was in, in his memory. At this point, no one can tell whether she hates or loves John Juniper.

In this world, some of the Zoraxis operatives also have telekinesis powers because Phoenix, secretly, was able to steal Dr. Prism’s tech. But both she and Zor agreed that only some of the operatives should be given the powers (Cough, cough, Favorites, cough). So people like Hivemind and Fabricator got the telekinesis powers. 

When Phoenix stole some of her tech, Dr. Prism was super mad, but the other half of her was like "Damn I have some mad respect for her now" But since they were on opposite sides, Prism never really showed her respect for Phoenix

Headcanon: Every morning, Phoenix has EVERY single Zoraxis employee stand in two straight lines, one against each wall. She walks from the start to the end. She does this because every now and then (Almost every day) The agency and other people or organizations, will place a spy there. And Phoenix can spot them from a mile. So its kinda like spotting the difference and eliminating the difference. And if your not there at 7:30 AM SHARP? Well she’ll just oof you. 

Unlike Zor, Phoenix can remember every single operative. First and last name. Whether old or new, SHE REMEMBERS.

Thank you for coming to my talk.

[nightglider124]

Titans: Season 4 - Ep11 - Thoughts

I have finally watched the episode. My God, my day at work was agonizing; I looked at tumblr and saw gifs and posts and was like screaming cos I wanted to watch it.

Anyway, since I've just freshly finished watching it, I am gonna note down some thoughts!

So... I feel weirdly mixed on this episode? As an episode it was good but as the penultimate episode? Idk... I feel kinda meh about it? I don't wanna come across as negative and the rest of this will mostly be stuff I enjoyed since I actually did enjoy the majority of it and as an episode in itself, it was good but idk... the fact the finale is all that's left, I feel like it's gonna be rushed... or the actual action is gonna be over super quick etc and loose ends won't get tied up... and I hate to say it, but I am kinda now doubting what is in store for dk fans in the finale? I would have thought this episode would have had more than it did, I gotta say. Idk... I just felt I had to say that to begin with.

Sigh, Kory continues to be and will forever be my absolute favourite. Idgaf what haters say and shit, I love Anna as Kory. I really do. She might not be like some of the versions people know Kory from but I think she brings close qualities and if anything makes this version of Kory edgier. Like, I absolutely adore her. Starfire is my absolute favourite DC character. Always has been, always will. I basically support any and all versions of my baby girl since DC doesn't spotlight her as much as they should cos she's fucking amazing.

Kory's dreaming and shit has me nervous for her. Like, we all know by now some bad shit goes down and happens to Kory. I am so dreading it. I know that she's gonna be fine from BTS stuff but like... it's still gonna hurt like a motherfucker.

Mercy was an interesting addition this season, I gotta say. I like the actress a lot since her days on Coronation Street (UK soap opera) and honestly, seeing her get choke slammed by Kory had me grinning but I like in the end she is purely like fuck it, take the documents, whatevs. Gar was also hilarious in that scene like no we don't need them all but I'm taking them ehehehehe. XD

Was... Was I missing something with May?? Like I thought she was dead when he burnt her ass up last episode? I was really confused cos she was just walking about like that didn't happen. Did she die and come back or was she never dead?? What... was that bodybag scene in the last ep real? I thought it was a dream. It was weird. I mean she dead af now and I enjoyed her as Mother Mayhem; she really had the villain oomf. Sebastian is... lacking in comparison.

In addition to that, Sebastian had potential to be scary but honestly, he comes off as a whiney mamas boy like he is grating. XD

Conner... my boy, I am always so left and right with you. I'm glad he is actually team Titans but... idk something in me still isn't trusting his ass XD. Like, I thought the bit with him and Dick in the tunnel was him tricking Dick or something but seems legit. We'll agree to like Conner and trust him... for now. XD

So, I didn't mind the Jason and Tim scenes but fuck me, wrong time. Like, I'm sorry. It felt so badly placed. We are at the penultimate episode and we're now just getting some Tim training as Robin with Jason? Nah, I was annoyed. And, they spent so many scenes on it?? Like miss me with that bs. It felt unnecessary, imo.

Another sour note, I feel like we actually could have had a lot more Kory scenes considering the episode was called Project Starfire. Like, damn. I promise, that's my only really salty thing.

Now, ahem... the dickkory scene on the balcony was cute af. It really nicely reflected the scene in S1 at the motel. But, it was too shorttt! Their sweet scenes are just... always too short for my liking which is disappointing. I'm happy for all and any scenes but jeez.

Gar and Rachel talking about wanting a change and shit, I was like are y'all gonna leave the famjam?? Cos I will not be emotionally okay if that happens. I literally just saw a certain new hero film where this was also a thing like pls CAN YOU NOT. My heart can't.

Lmao, Dick in the chamber thing when they were powering the orb thing was hilarious. Like, boy done fucked up the whole plan bc of his own anxiety for his wife. It was cute and his concern was very obvious.

Also, side note, the bit where Dick, Rachel and Gar appear where Kory is with Mercy made me giggle. Like Dick was so huffy like 'Making new friends?' and it was unusual like in this series its a real rarity that Dick is annoyed at something Kory has done like he has let her get away with literal murder whilst batting eyelashes at her. So, it was like tehe. Ya know? I'm assuming others know what I mean.

ALSO. When in the chamber thing as they got to 98% and before Dick fucked it up, did you guys notice Kory's eyes? That tiny bit where it went a bit slower and her eyes like flickered from glowing to normal? Was that something up with her powers or am I imagining shit?

I think that's mostly my thoughts. I still don't know how to feel on the episode. It didn't blow me away and I feel like with penultimate episode, I should be? I got excited in like the very last minute where he blows the horn and Kory's like 'There's only one way to end this. My way.' like bitch is dead serious and I'm scared for my girl.

I'm hoping the finale is really good buuut... I have also seen screeners really hyping it up and I'm just not trusting it. So, I think I'm gonna try and go into the finale with as less an expectation as possible to avoid crushing disappointment. I'm not gonna have any theories or anything or scenes that I would ideally like bc I think that's how you get set up for disappointment.

I'm gonna enjoy the ride and just see where the finale takes us. Weird that this time next week, Titans will be over. Sad times. :(

One upside, I'm working til 3pm next week so I am gonna try my absolute HARDEST to avoid tumblr and just not look at the tags so I remain blissfully unaware of what happens. Even if it kills me.

Each week when I am at work and a new episode of Titans comes out, I literally refresh the dc titans and dickkory tag like a thousand times to get me through the day.

Anyways! Hope others liked this episode and see y'all for the finale!

#dc titans #titans spoilers #dc titans spoilers #dickkory #just my thoughts

[nordic-language-love]

So uh. I forgot I actually made 2023 goals. Well, uh. Let's check in, I guess!

Japanese Goals

1) Reach a pre-intermediate level in Japanese - I mean, it's not going as well as I'd hoped. I've not really been giving it my all, if I'm honest. Sometimes I make great progress but I get discouraged very easily. My listening has improved significantly and my vocabulary has expanded a lot, not to mention I did - somehow - pass N4. And while passing N4 wasn't actually the goal, it was the rough level I wanted to reach. And yet I still don't know if I feel like I've reached this goal. Idk, it's complicated. I think my kanji and listening and maybe even reading generally are close to pre-intermediate. Just my speaking is garbage (but tbh it's worse for my lack of confidence).

2) Finish Japanese Short Stories For Beginners - I only have 5 left to read and could probably finish them pretty quickly actually if I wanted. I've been kinda lazy haha.

3) Have a Japanese conversation class on italki without using English at all - Mmm I knew this would be an ambitious one, but I've come pretty close a few times. If I actually tried harder to learn vocabulary maybe I could do this one? I just get lazy with learning vocab so I forget what words I've learned and then I can't use them when I need them.

Norwegian Goals

1) Maintain my B2/C1 level in Norwegian - Yeah I've done that I'd say. My reading is still C1, my other skills have slipped but definitely still around the C1 mark I reckon.

2) Learn more idioms and natural ways of speaking - Not really been trying to do that, unfortunately. But I have picked up a couple of new things recently, so that's cool.

3) Write 10,000 words of fiction - Lmao I've written zero (I did get as far as creating a scrivener document though)

4) Finish reading 5 books in Norwegian - Okay well I've read 3/5 and the fourth is planned for November (maaaaybe October at a push). I need to get another one, but I do have a physical copy of one at home soooo maybe I'll pick that up when I go back in October and try to squeeze it in?

Non-language goals

1) Improve my overall flexibility - Umm no, but I've maintained it and I now do yoga every day and I love stretching so idc

2) Read 15 books - Smashed it! I'm on book 18 and I'm aiming for 25 now.

3) Journal regularly - The point was actually to journal in English but I felt super uncomfortable and ended up journally in Norwegian anyway. But! I do write in my journal regularly! And that was the goal!

4) Learn new fans techniques - Didn't bring my fans with me in the end sooo I couldn't do this one.

#progress report #2023 goals

[techmomma]

I don’t draw as much as I used to. Some days it drives me insane. Since getting this job there’s been whole MONTHS without drawing even the sloppiest thumbnail or even just a warmup.

But I think it’s been good for me? Yeah, it still drives me insane. I have so many things to draw, all the time, forever, and it never feels like enough TIME FOR ANY OF IT. I am a visual communicator, there are so many THINGS that just don’t work in words! But they’d make sense if I drew them. Just this one idea, I gotta get this idea out of my head and it demands a visual aid. And I gotta decide between that, or this thing I’ve been wanting to draw for two weeks, or this other thing I out off for a month, or this thing, etc. etc.

But

I think it’s been finally, actually helping the burnout I staved off healing from for ages. I’d pull back but still try to make myself draw and it’d only somewhat help, temporarily, but now actually not drawing for long stretches of time, I can feel something healing. I don’t draw often and I don’t draw a lot but each time feels like more and more of a joy. I feel more excited to draw, less tired, less staring at a document like “JUST FUCKING DRAW ALREADY!” and nothing happening.

Maybe it’s been helping me get away from feeling like I owe people, personally and in-general, art. Not just in the sense of commissions but as a content creator, like if I don’t meet these invisible quotas for posting then idk everyone will hate me or stop following me or whatever. “You have to draw content like it’s your job or like it will be your job someday or you’ll never go anywhere.” Or, as has happened, people will ask “Why aren’t you making art anymore??” and I won’t have an answer. Worrying that people will think I’m NEVER DRAWING AGAIN and look on me pityingly, like I’m no longer an Artist or.... something.

brain: something bad will happen me: what brain: something bad

me: cool, great, thanks

And now that I’ve not been drawing and people HAVE asked that but it was a single instance thusfar, and there’s still people following me and enjoying my art and my characters, which is great, but even if there weren’t.... it’s been showing me it’s really not so bad. It’s okay to not draw anything for long stretches of time. Yeah, it kinda sucks, but who cares? I’m liking my drawings more on the rare chances I do get to draw, even if I don’t finish them. I’m enjoying my art more and more. Maybe I only have the spoons for a headshot but it’s spoons at all, and that’s awesome. Instead of being ONLY a headshot, it’s more like “yay, I got a chance to draw a headshot at all!” Art is feeling less of a chore that has to be done every so often because you have to, and more of a joy that I get to indulge in.

So unfortunately, it does mean that art will still probably be few and far between, in terms of here on tumblr and what I post. I’ve also started taking a joy in not posting everything I draw; sometimes it’s just for friends, sometimes it’s just for me. So you guys don’t see everything I do, even when I do draw. But I’m still here. And I’ve been feeling better about my art. Maybe one day I won’t be so tired and I can happily draw everyday for hours like I used to; or maybe it’ll still remain sparse and sporadic.

But that’s okay. Maybe I won’t get any commission deals out of drawing so sporadically, maybe I won’t get huge follower numbers. But that’s okay. I like my art. I like my circle I’ve got here. And I’m learning to not hate myself for staring at an open document and not drawing anything. I’m learning to be okay being tired.

Love you guys, still! Lots of love to people still sticking around and lots of love to people who’ve stumbled on me recently and made the flattering-if-questionable decision to follow me. You may not see much art from me but I’m still here lurking most days, and enjoying the quiet.

#personal junk i guess

[hemaris]

i'm like. aggressively soul searching to get my brain back into a useful shape and i think i'm gonna have to start very very carefully thinking about possibly quitting my new job :( which i understand sounds like i'm making a rash decision/not giving it a fair chance. but unfortunately all of it so far has been the EXACT kind of thing my brain can't really deal with. it's so cool and on paper it's my dream job so it hurts like shit to even consider stopping, but it involves a lot of

keeping track of 17 things at once

working in a small team where everyone has wildly different opinions and ways of handling things (also everyone, while very kind, is also very distant and no one seems super into building any kind of bond with each other. which is true for a lot of work places but i just like being friends with my coworkers idk. there's definitely downsides to that as well and i 100% respect if ppl aren't into that and want to keep their work and private lives separate, but i am not that kinda bitch)

extremely high workload/working odd hours/working Extreme Overtime where on paper you can compensate but in practice there's very little room for that

the adult version of university group projects where some people aren't pulling their weight/communication is hell

extremely time sensitive administrative tasks (that seemingly no one has ever really kept track of)

no orientation, learning trajectory or even instructions/documentation of tasks whatsoever so i have no fucking clue what to do half of the time

and yes i want to work in this industry. yes i love the backstage shit and the making people happy and the building something really cool. but it's all so vague and unstructured and i kinda feel like being tossed into the deep end before being taught how to swim, and i don't think i can keep up long term uuuuuggghhhhhhh. wanting something really badly is not always enough. i'm super sad about all this and i'm not gonna make a decision just yet i just gotta put some thoughts on paper to see if it still makes sense tomorrow. so liveblogging my ongoing mental breakdown it is ❤️

#delete later #u don't have to read this none of it is interesting i'm just trying to sort my brain out

[mischas]

Ok so I think about them an unhealthy amount so here's the ask I asked about a while ago.

Their sexual dynamics are kinda fascinating and in another show that would've been explored more. (I have so many questions- some of them are on a literary level and the others not so much lol)

Marissa said that they never had a problem with attraction and being emotionally unavailable made them want each other more. Their difference in experience and how it might have affected their dynamic- ex: Ryan sleeping with Theresa soon after splitting with Marissa (who had a regretful sexual experience with her ex and was waiting with Ryan) because of old habits, but she said like one line about it and that's it. (Now that I think about it, it's weird that Ryan said before their date that he's never, like, fully dated girls before aside from hooking up even though Theresa existed, I guess he wasn’t counting that because it was on and off?). We saw how Marissa's trauma of being assaulted affected their sex life but only for like one time when it's an interesting discussion too, and so could've been the Gabrielle predatory thing (when he said that he was with another girl and Marissa pointed out that she was a woman- knowing this show she probably meant it in a "omg she's so experienced im so jealous" kinda way but it's clear that her being older wasn't ok for her, at least not as ok as it was for him.

There's also all the sexual jealousy (as it's apparent from my asks, MV jealousy era was my favourite for being funny af, but there's also Ryan/Gabrielle and Luke/Marissa which were just painful) but also despite the intensity, there's a bit of assurance and comfort there ("what strippers? I don't know any strippers"/"you got a lap dance?"). They were being walked in on all the time and Marissa did say she wasn’t into PDA much (but I'm not sure if it was about Trey?) they were also "one of those couples" which means they didn’t keep their hands off each other, either. Ooh there is so much material lol- I shudder to think but HBO Ryissa would've been like 👀

You know this is something I was thinking about a few weeks ago. I'm probably not gonna answer this well but it's gonna be long. So first off, it is very insane for Marissa to say that she and Ryan were going at it during all of s3 when the narrative is relatively sexless for every couple until it's turned up wildly in 3x18 for a ratings and demographic shift (other people can speak about this better than I). I've talked about that 3x18 line before and it's so weird to shoehorn it in like they do; we're supposed to believe RM have been fucking this whole time? What? 3x14 showed us in their intimate scene that they haven't been doing this a lot since it serves as a means of reuniting them. But, hey, maybe they have and it's just weird shit between M/B that kept it from our consciousness. But like I said earlier, this season was so sexless until much later when it's turned up to 100 (and those irl dynamics were also very bad so like.... mess).

We're also supposed to believe RM didn't sleep together after 2x20 when "I think we can do better than the front seat of Sandy's car" is insanely suggestive. Not to say they did it right after getting back together but like....... idk. Them only having sex for the first time in 3x03 is narratively so far-fetched. Obv there weren't a lot of times they could in s2 since they're kept apart for plot reasons and then as soon as they reunite the Trey stuff happens.

BUT

Their comfortability in mid-s1 when they're dating is so easy. It's very hard to believe these teens weren't sleeping together. Ryan is largely unsupervised and pretty much has his own apartment! And they're both not virgins as we know. It's only when Marissa says in 1x19 that they haven't that we all have to be like oh??? And it's a teen soap so these things are usually documented for the audience, but still it's like please. Especially after 1x14.

All that said, lol, the way I see RM approaching intimacy is that from a young age neither of the two really associate sex with love. We know Ryan's experienced by 16 (though I personally think he exaggerates how many girls he's been with). There's at least Theresa who clearly did not exist in the narrative until 1x11. There's no way she and her mom wouldn't be in Ryan's mind when he's been abandoned in 1x01 and calling all his friends for a place to stay. So!!

For whatever (plot) reason, RM don't sleep together until 3x03. But Marissa rushes into sex with Luke in 1x06 for all the reasons I mentioned here. And she's incredibly hurt in 1x26/1x27 to learn that Ryan rushed into sex with Theresa right after their breakup. She spends the summer between s1 and s2 thinking about that and probably assuming they have sex then too (she looks surprised to hear in 2x02 that it "wasn't like that at all"). And then she starts having casual sex with DJ that summer. The DJ storyline is so so bad from its inception but we're at least led to believe she's sexually active. They tried to make DJ a viable romantic option but it was so bad from the start that at least it finally ends.

Marissa doesn't even get to associate sex with real, heartfelt romantic feelings until Alex and that's then pulled out like a rug from under her before they pivot her back to Ryan when Lindsay leaves. So she still doesn't associate sex with love. THEN she's assaulted and goes through all that fun trauma. R/L have a few scenes that imply they may be sleeping together but I think if they did we'd have seen it or at least heard about it.

Which brings us to 3x03 and RM both being in a place where sex and love can be working together. I think Ryan has love for Theresa but let's be honest that boy will never be ~in~ love with her and that's a major missing part of their relationship. 3x03 gives us the heightened Hawaii plot and that positions RM to realize this is the time because she's leaving and you know It's About The YearningTM. I don't think the scene itself is great because of the choreography and the stupid editing but what leads up to it "Are you sure? It'll make it that much harder for you to leave" is just SOOOOOOO

If we understand that RM have been having a bunch of loveless, emotionally unavailable sex in s3 I don't think it's much of a stretch to imagine them jumping into bed with the people they then jump into bed with in late s3. And in many ways it's like as soon as they were able to marry sex and love in 3x03, they reverted back to these people who saw it as something else. That speaks to how s3 was so fucking bad.

A few things:

Yeah I think the PDA line in 2x22 carried over to 2x23 is only really about Trey and her bruise that she's concerned with; their PDA in front of their friends in 1x15 meant nothing to them. I can't imagine they cared more about schoolmates seeing them than they did their friends (and Marissa's ex)

I think M is so hurt about Gabrielle in 1x06 and 1x07 for all those reasons. That she's older "Actually, I think she was a woman" and that Ryan could hook up with someone random the same day he's all but asked her to make a romantic choice "the last time I saw you, you kind of had your hands full"

The way that Marissa has quiet confidence in Ryan with other women is very sweet in 1x26 "what about strippers?", 2x21 "South Beach for a little spring break action?" and 3x09 "you got a lap dance?" it's actually very interesting to contrast that with Seth who kisses women in BOTH Vegas and Miami when he's still in a quasi-relationship with Summer at the time

I know for a fact I didn't answer this very eloquently (if I answered it at all) but it's a really interesting subject!

Also, considering I head canon RM being FWB in college I think it'd take a while for them to acknowledge how in love they've always been with one another. Because of their shared traumas, lingering resentments, trust issues, etc. *cue 'tis the damn season*

#ask #wowthatsextra #intimacy discourse #will edit for clarity later

[starlightkun]

hi mel!!!! hope you’re doing well 🫶 i’ve been wondering about this for a while but i’m dying to know what your writing process is like. i’m trying to get more consistent at it, like sit down and Actually write (without getting distracted by my phone) and it’s so hard 😭 and i feel like you have it down to pat and i want to develop an attitude like that… like the writing itself really isn’t hard but the like. sitting down and doing it 😞 like, do you ever write on your phone? or is it just a laptop? do you sit down at a desk or just do it whenever (like on the couch or something)? idk what is it like for you? do you perchance have any tips for a poor soul… thank you!!!! 🫶🫶

omg hiii!!! i've been pretty busy n kinda burnt out w work 😔 but otherwise pretty good!! hope you've been good too!

i do most of my writing on my laptop, probably like 95% of it. when it comes to editing, i'll do it on both my phone and laptop, but actual substantive writing, it's pretty much all laptop. i am old enough that i learned to type on a computer keyboard first, not a touchscreen, and when it comes to creative prose, i prefer a computer keyboard. i also get a lot less distracted that way (too many apps and notifs and impulsive checking of apps and impulsive scrolling for hours on end on the phone. much less scrolling on the laptop).

i dont have a desk or table in my apartment that i can rlly use to work at, so i do all of my writing on my couch lmao. i usually have my phone on vibrate with the screen turned over so i have to pick it up to look at any notifs. but even then, i'm guilty of getting distracted by the phone, or even by tumblr on my laptop. if i feel like im getting too distracted, i'll turn on "focus mode" on microsoft word (if u use google docs im sure it has it's own version of this) that makes the document full screen so u can't see the taskbar at the bottom (aka you don't remember that ur other apps exist), u don't get notifs from ur laptop, etc. i'll also tuck my phone away behind my laptop screen so i can't see it. i'm very much an out-of-sight, out-of-mind person (no object permanence lmao) so those are big helps.

i've also started doing this thing where if i'm working on, say, a kun fic, i'll leave my tumblr tab open to a picture of kun before going into the word doc, so that if i'm tempted to go back to tumblr to scroll and waste time, i'll be reminded of what i'm supposed to being doing and go back to work on the fic instead. it very much gives that 'do it for her' meme but it also works surprisingly well for me.

i've talked some more about my writing process in other asks (x, x, x, x) and i have a writing tag where i post about more general writing stuff instead of specific fics!!

#i was actually just writing some for frankenstein complex when i popped into tumblr for a sec and saw this ask lmao #the thing about being creative is that it sucks but only thing worse than being creative is not creating #so you need to figure out under what conditions you will be able to (and still enjoy it and create something u like) #answered #anonymous #talk #text #mine #writing tag

[give-soup-please]

What about narrator and a reader who doesn't exactly have the good kind of parents. Also like narrator being like a parental figure to the reader ( idk I just find the scenario of narrator protecting the reader from bad parents kinda wholesome )

Narrator With a Reader Who Has Bad Parents

The narrator isn’t exactly sure when it happened, but he’s started thinking of you as his own kid. 

Depending on your age, he’ll either walk you to school and back home again, or keep you company as you commute to work.

He’s always keeping a benevolent eye out, wanting to make sure you stay safe.  

As for you, his presence in your life was a little hard to get used to, given that your biological parents were… Yeah, less said, the better. 

You love him, that much is clear, but the feeling of being safe with someone is difficult to comprehend, given your background.

He’s always picking up the pieces that your parents break. 

You show your biological parents your latest achievements, and you’re ignored. The narrator says, “I’m very proud of you for what you’ve done.” You start to tear up. “I don’t remember the last time someone’s told me that.” He rubs your back and comforts you to the best of his ability. “It’s alright, reader, it’s alright. I’ll tell you as many times as you need.” 

You want to spend time with your biological parents. Why, the narrator can’t understand. When you get rebuffed, the narrator spends time with you instead. “Come on sport, let’s get some ice cream and you can tell me about your day.”

You’re so full of doubt, because they never reassure you. The narrator does his best to make up for the lack in your life. “Things will be fine. You and I, we’ll write your story together, hmm? I’m an excellent storyteller, you know. We can create something wonderful. What do you say?”  

You curl in bed, your parents having mistreated you really badly one night, and though he isn’t visible, he’s combing his fingers through your hair, trying to provide comfort. On the inside though, he’s boiling with rage.

How dare your biological parents not see what a treasure of a child you were. Of course, he’d never call you that directly, he has standards! (and is too embarrassed to admit how fatherly he felt towards you)

The narrator begins to form various plans. He begins finding resources in case you ever need to make a run for it one day. Homeless shelters, cheap hotels, couch crashing, anything he can get his hands on.

He doesn’t know what the long term effects of staying with your parents will be, but he doesn’t want you to be in pain. In the meantime…

The narrator strikes back against your parents in little ways, becoming their personal poltergeist. Objects begin to float, important things are misplaced, and whispers angrily to them when they’re asleep. Your parents don’t sleep well at night anymore. 

If the abuse escalated, the narrator would step in. One of your parents gets really close to your face, too close, and they’re about to do something horrible-

“Get away from my child.” His voice is like venomous steel, and your biological parent is startled. “Who said that?” They look around wildly. The narrator speaks again. “They are under my protection. Get out.” Your bio parent flees your bedroom.

You’re shaking and crying. The narrator wraps himself around you protectively. “Are you alright?” He asks, and you’re not sure. He stays by your side all night. 

The narrator doesn’t know whether or not he made a mistake, speaking out like that. Plans to get you out may have to be sped up. But he holds you close, and silently vows that you’ll never go through something like this alone again.

(writer here. I left my parent's place when I was 20 years old. There were emergency circumstances that propelled me out the door. I've been in a few different transitional housing programs. Things are more settled for me now, though I still move around a lot. I don't know who sent this, but I can dedicate a message to everyone who reads this: Document what they're doing, you may need proof someday. Start googling. Look for local resources. Create contingency plans. Hit up your local library if you can, they're a surprisingly excellent resource for food and shelter programs. If you've got a safe place to live, then please donate to those types of programs if you can afford it. (but also do some research because it's very hit or miss for the clients inside the program) Circumstances were difficult for a very long time after I left, but it ended up saving my life. One day, i'll tell the full story about what happened.)

#the stanley parable #tsp narrator #headcanon #answered ask #tsp #stanley parable #narrator #dang this felt good to write #and man the stuff within the brackets is hard to talk about #yeah my parents were bad too #enough that i had to leave or uhhhhhhhhhh- i'd be dead #seriously folks- educate yourselves on what resources are out there #i dont have a comprehensive list because i live in the states- each of which varies wildly #but it's out there! go look! #i love you all very much #platonic #i hope you all end up somewhere safe and happy- you all deserve that #both me and the narrator think so- so it must be true

[omni-scient-pan-da]

Okay so new college post instead of reblogging that infinitely long one but here's the gist of the situation under the cut, it's a ramble, and I'm mostly just trying to get my thoughts coherent so no need to feel obligated to offer your sympathies or anything like that because of the situation kinda thing @omni-scient-pan-da

Okay so-

I applied to 10 schools because my guidance counselor got me a fee waiver

I applied to 5 in state schools and 5 out of state schools (four of which were Ivy Leagues and one of which was Ivy Adjacent so like a long shot)

So far I've been accepted to all 5 in state schools and rejected from 1 out of state school and I'm waiting to hear back from 3 Ivy Leagues and the 1 Ivy League Adjacent

But see... The thing is, Michelle also got accepted to one of the in state schools, aka the most prestigious school in our state, and that's like her dream school and she already committed and everything, and we had joked in the past that we should room together if we went to the same college but since we both got in, Michelle has been like... Seriously talking about us rooming together

And she understands and supports the fact that I'm still waiting on admissions decisions from 4 schools, but ALSO (backstory time)

My parents are separated and my dad is an asshole

Unfortunately he's also an asshole that makes all the money, we live off of like pure child support and then my part time job is used to pay for things for myself that way I don't have to ask my mom for money

My dad is such an asshole that he refuses to fill out the fucking financial aid documents so I can afford to go to college

The ONLY way I'd be able to warrant going to an out of state school is if I have financial aid because they'll take the cost from like 60k-80k down to like free with the bracket we fall under

My father refuses to fill out the financial aid, there's no way to get financial aid without him filling it out, regardless of if I get accepted to these four schools, I don't think I'll be able to afford to go

Anyways, my mother is very upset about this but I've more or less come to terms with it, I've applied for every scholarship I can to go to the prestigious in state school and I would very much like to room with Michelle and start planning dorm layouts and fun things like that, but like--

If I get accepted to any one of those four school's I'll have to decide to not go

Like I'll have to choose to not go because of financial aid or whatever reason

And it'll have been my choice

But if I get denied from all four of those schools I don't have anything to worry about because it makes sense for me to stay in state then, and the only "choice" I have to make suddenly becomes a no-brainer

Apparently the Ivy Adjacent school is announcing their decisions a week from today, which is much sooner than the Ivys who aren't releasing their decisions until March 30th kinda thing which is stressing me out

On one hand it would be really nice to get in, it would be proof that all the hard work and effort I put into school all these years, all the tears I've cried all the late nights I've pulled away worth it to get perfect 4.0 grades in advanced classes

... but on the other hand I would have to make a decision that will probably end in me denying the opportunity to go to a very prestigious school with a good genetics program and I... I really don't want to have to make that decision

So it's not like I don't want to get in, because I'd be very grateful for the opportunity I'd have to attend an out of state school

But for the first time in YEARS I can actually picture a future for myself? And I haven't been able to do that since I was a kid and I really don't want to have to choose between that future I've envisioned for myself and all the what ifs I'd be missing out on if I didn't push myself out of my comfort zone and leave the state to go to school

Idk it's just... A lot of decision making and even though I put a lot of time and energy into those applications, part of me hopes that I just get rejected that way I don't ever have to make the decision between the two and I won't have to wonder what would have happened if I made the other decision

Idk if that makes any sense but yeah, we'll see what happens next Tuesday and then at the end of March with admissions decisions and... Well, here's hoping for an easy decision 🤞🏽

#panda posts