#id rather eat cake

[lil-snake-crowley]

i made an asexual cake!!

#id rather eat cake #asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #aroace #cake #baking

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

knew id break down properly eventually but wasnt planning on doing it on the floor in my mothers bedroom bc i didnt wanna walk the dogs lol

#im never getting a dog <3 #its also the fact i was supposed to be going to glasgow today #but couldnt for Covid Reasons #this isafter my birthday got cancelled for the same reasons #(i did still have a good time tho im not complaining abt my birthday) #(i got lovely presents and loads of birthday wishes n i felt rly loved even tho i couldnt go anywhere) #(and then i spent the day watching doctor who eating cake and looking at pictures of ocean liners) #(literally no complaints there) #and yea anyway ive been in the middle of nowhere for ages unable to drive and ive just been rly lonely and kinda bored and aimless #and like my anxiety levels have been INSANE the entire winter #like we are talking fight or flight all day every day for no reason #and like insane insomnia as well #its officially 'chronic' insomnia lol ayyyyy #and yea essentially i couldnt take walking the dogs and i was in bed like. id rather die than have a dog bark at me ever again #and then i walked them anyway but ive cried for HOURS today lol so now my head hurts #but yea it was boundto happen eventually

[bloodmoons-knife]

thinks about my celestial boyfriends DAs interacting with the SaMs boys like. hm. makes me curious whatd happen there.

i think that due to sheer differences (and by virtue, multiverse distance due to how vastly different the universes are) one could say you could, perhaps. ship a SaMs DA. with a CB DA.

#i want to have my cake AND eat it okay? okay #i couldnt see SaMs sun (for example) being interested in like most if any moon bariants #because Too Similar To His BROTHER #but suns? hm. interesting #im not maintagging this id rather die

[semercury]

Sucks bc I have to cook for a party tomorrow but I am exhausted and sad and that makes the exhaustion and sadness worse bc it's more apparent.

#stuff sarah says #antidepressant commercial voice loss of interest #i cooked for real for the first time since everything on wednesday? #i got to use kale from the garden #but this is more and my legs hurt #and i baked and baking is so stressful but i think the cake turned out okay #rn im making jackfruit pulled not pork so my cousin and i can participate #best meat alternative my ass. theres no protein #we did get veggie dogs and burgers n shit too but #im fucking tired tho. #still need to make the pasta salad #my dad chopped the veggies for me tho and that helped a lot #life just feels like too much #id rather just eat instant stuff rn still #i want to be excited abt cooking again tho

[bibleofficial]

im too tired & tipsy to touch myself, though i really want to, so i’m just the imagine.jpg

#stream #like u know the meme #it’s the multi pussy fish my little mermaid comic or whatever guy w the pipe #fuck u #it’s literally 3am & ive 0 reason to be awake #i had a coffee at like 5.30p so i’m blaming it on that #like wow .. imagine smacking ur roast beef until a satisfying completion #actually what would be equally good is chewing up this granola bar that owns my colon yall know the 1s go back i. the tag #like just chew it up & the flavour the. spit it out like i’m too full to eat anything #but they’re sooooo tasty #i truththfy cant do anymore sugar today i had a slice of #cookie cake girl … no1 icing hater there is no reason thsi much sugar needs to be in this shit #id rather a loaf of bread w a candle #anyway #ALSKALSKALSKLASKLAKS the only & last slice of that cake j will be having so my #mother can’t be upset that i didn’t eat it like anyway.

[potatopossums]

me telling my therapist I'm not a fan of kissing and I've had partners be upset at me for that in the past so I'm always nervous to tell people i want to be close with that, "no, i don't want to kiss but I'm ok with cuddling" — not an invitation for my therapist to say "is that something you're interested in fixing?" and "most people don't think about kissing while they're doing it."

i do. i don't really like it. i don't always hate it. it's just not exactly interesting most of the time. I'd rather not put my mouth on things most of the time. part of it is a bit of germ caution, and most of it is that i don't typically get much out of the sensation (save for very specific circumstances). i also don't like smelling people's breath, good or bad.

I'm aro. I'm a bit ace. I'm fine with where i am. it's not a discomfort that i want to fix. i want to feel more comfortable and valuable to people while existing exactly how i want to. i know i don't want to kiss people. i never have the urge. like ever. unless I'm having sex. and even then, sometimes not. and usually not on the lips. so like. please stop.

#arophobia #might get a new therapist #thinking about it #didnt really like that #the whole point of me bringing any of that up was bc i was proud of myself for declining an offer even if i was scared of abandonment #specifically from a new queer friend #i was afraid they wouldnt want to be my friend if i didnt give them what they wanted #which has happened to me #people can get mad #luckily this person was very understanding and i got to explain who i was to them #was a little nervewracking but i was happy i was authentic #its scary to say no #why does my therapist think i secretly mean yes? #i do not #who cares if i kiss anybody irl #ive had nice sex and good conversations and lovely companionships #i think im set for life on those things for now #maybe some extra income would be nice so i can afford my own apartment #and a little more so i can bake #in typical ace fashion id rather eat cake than mouth kiss someone

[the-chickenshit-oddity]

best bits about translating people's stories is a) i don't have to write my own, which i couldn't have anyway, and b) i end up working on stuff that i would never in a million years have found myself saying otherwise.

currently learning alllll about dirty talk and stuff. so... that's new.

#stupid #it is soooo weird #i gotta use my words to say stuff i would never say #how do i know if it sounds sexy #or if it subliminally screams 'ID RATHER EAT CAKE' #cause i would #also dont you worry! #i ask permission always #and also i keep it to myself and then delete it

[cephalomon]

generally i just say i dont like sweet food (mostly true). in reality i actually really really like a handful of sweets, but eating them overwhelms me in a way no other food does. after i eat sweets i always have to follow them up with a crisp glass of milk or something savory/spicy or ill literally die. there is one exception to this rule: ice cream.

all other sweets are a risk and a hazard

since i dont like that overwhelming feeling i just say i dont like sweets. and usually i get away with this since i almost never go out of my way to pick up a sweet

#sometimes ill grab a chocolate bar at the cash register #but i dont think ive ever even craved a sweet food that wasnt birthday cake ice cream or a sugar donut #i just dont care for them that much #oh and ive craved cheesecake #but almost every craving i have is a spicy or otherwise not-sweet food #this is super uninteresting i was just thinking about it bc a few weeks ago my gf called me out about this #and she was super right but its ao much easier to just say i dont like sweets #than to explain i like a few a whole lot but even the ones i do like make me feel yucky and have to be balanced out so id rather not eat em #percy chirps

[seokmthw]

happy birthday, idiot | kim gyuvin

⇢ pairing: gyuvin x reader

⇢ warnings: fluff, kinda enemies to lovers?, mutual crushes

⇢ word count: 668

⇢ note: happy birthday to this silly boy, and thank you to the lovely @zerobaselove for this idea. wishing gyuvin nothing but the best on his special day today <3

you sighed, glancing down at the slice of cake in your hand, it’s stupid blue icing and piped white border causing you to rethink your entire decision of even purchasing it – all he did was pester you and make it impossible to get anything done at work. you couldn’t stand him, really, so what possessed you to even consider buying him a piece of cake for his birthday, let alone spend your hard earned money on it? you weren’t entirely sure, yet there you were with it anyway. 

shaking your head, you exited the elevator upon it’s ‘ding!’ and onto the floor of your office, your bag slightly slipping off of your shoulder and your grip on the cake plate weakening almost too much. thankfully, you were able to save it, aggressively adjusting your bag with a heave of your breath. it was all his fault your lunch break ended terribly and you were now almost 15 minutes late returning to your shift. 

you quickly scanned your id badge and entered into the bustling office, many people standing in their friend groups and fully wrapping up their lunches. thank god your supervisor was lenient, you thought to yourself as you shuffled over to your desk, plopping down the piece of cake on his before you fully sat down. you pretended not to see the confused expression painted across his face, and instead logged back into your computer to finish up a report that was due by the end of the day. 

“oh y/n~” there his voice was, in it’s annoying, sing-song tone, “you remembered?”

“pft, no. i just stole it,” you retorted, rolling your eyes at his antics. you knew this was going to happen and you knew you had that report to get done, so why on earth would you enable him? you were still searching for the answer and couldn’t come up with anything in your head, so you decided to simply press your lips into a line and zone in on your work.

a quiet chuckle erupted past his lips as he popped the plastic covering off of the container, rather loudly at that, and dug into his cake. he remained quiet, and for a brief moment you thought you were out of the woods, but this was kim gyuvin and he never understood the definition of silence. especially around you.

“i can’t believe you got me a gift,” he mused, annoyingly licking his fork clean after every single bite of the cake he took, “and in my favorite color!”

you shifted your eyes in his direction, suppressing a loud laugh at the look of the way the blue icing was staining his entire mouth. maybe this was a good idea, especially considering he had a meeting he needed to attend within the next half an hour. finally, you told him, “don’t get too ahead of yourself.”

“this cake says otherwise!” he exclaimed, a smug grin tugging at the corners of his mouth, eyes dead set on you to better gauge your reaction in an attempt to prove himself right. 

you huffed quietly, this time being the one with the mischievous grin, “yeah yeah, whatever. you have icing all over your face, idiot, might want to get that cleaned up before your meeting.”

gyuvin’s eyes grew as wide as saucers in bewilderment, his fingers hurriedly swiping on his phone to open up his camera and see the damage for himself. his jaw fell slack in shock, his expression a mixture of many different emotions, “damn it, y/n, why would you do this to me?”

“nobody ever said you had to eat it now.”

“i’ll get you back for this, mark my words,” he fired. sure, gyuvin was annoying, and sure getting back at him after all of the grief he’s put you through was satisfying, but instead of retaliating back a second time, you just let him have the last word. 

besides, it was his birthday, maybe you could cut him some slack.

#seokmthw #zerobaseone #zerobaseonefics #zerobaseone x reader #boys planet #boys planet fics #boys planet reactions #boys planet imagines #zb1 #zb1 imagines #zb1 drabbles #zb1 ricky #zb1 scenarios #zb1 zhang hao #zb1 park gunwook #zb1 seok matthew #zb1 sung hanbin #zb1 kim jiwoong #zb1 kim taerae #zb1 kim gyuvin #zb1 han yujin #zb1 smut #zb1 x reader #zb1 reactions

[thehumorousace]

Ace color palette cake recipes in German and Englisch

PS: Personally those would be better than the *other* type of quickie in my opinion, as a sex repulsed ace Id much rather eat cake

#asexual #ace #actually asexual #humor #cake recipes #mod bumble

[fatfantacies]

We unpacked the new scale this weekend. Last weekend Id gotten on the scale only to hear “ERROR! EEROR!” The scale has a 650 pound weight limit.

….

I cant deny that Ive continued to rapidly balloon I’ve the past 10 months. Some days I feel like im about to explode because I’ve stuffed my fat face so much.

I used to struggle my way off my loveseat sized chair but now I have no choice but to have help. My hips have stretched out stomach is hanging lower than usual. I love my custom made love seat chair but its been becoming rather snug lately.

I know last Christmas my girlfriend and i discussed the idea of me gaining to 700 pounds. I was already an enormously overweight 642 pounds. Ill never forget that Christmas…i was stuffed into a too small Mrs Claus themed mummu when she took me to the junk yard to be weighed. I couldnt believe the number when I saw it.

I remember when I thought I was going to end up staying between 500-525…And the last time I was nearly 150 pounds bigger than Id ever thought Id be. And back last Christmas when they weighed me could no longer fit my fat ass into my mothers little car. They had no choice but to take me in the van, and I was starting to get too fat for that.

I know I’ve gained weight. My mobility is something that im struggling with. My girlfriend loves my enormous double belly and budding tripple chin. She traces my stretch-marks while feeds me forkfuls of pasta.

Ive been eating like an elephant (no pun intended) over the last year. Im probably close to 700 pounds by now.

The new scale has an 800 pound weight limit. I struggled up onto the enormous platform to hear “Hello. Your weight is 720 pounds.”

My girlfriend whistles and pinches my hip rolls. “Wow Porky! Youve really packed on the pounds since we last weighed you! You really are a big pig!!” She giggles my stomach and chins. She pinches my swollen cheeks, while I breathe heavy with arousal; both by her touch and my enormous size. 720 pounds at 5’7!

“Just imagine how big youll be come next Christmas! With the rest of the Halloween candy, the rest of the heavy autumn treats…thanksgiving…Christmas treats,cookies and cakes….Youre going to pop come New Years Eve!”

Did I really want to continue to get even bigger? I was already well beyond ultra sized and entering the size of requiring my own zip code. I dont know if I can stabilise my current weight…or will my piggish desires cause me to swell even fatter until Im eventually bed bound?

I cant wait until Thanksgiving. My mothers favourite insult is to call me a parade float and now my sisters daughter is old enough to understand the words.

She asked me the other day “Whats it going to be like in the parade?” “What parade? “The Thanksgiving one. Grandma always says you’re a parade float or like a parade float so I was wondering if i was going to see you in the parade.”

#makemeenormous #makemehuge #weight gain #fatty #rapid weight gain #supersize me #enormous #bigpig #super morbid obesity #wideload

[justalittletomato]

The Oppress family is in for a holiday treat! And no I don’t mean Starlight’s uj cake or even Angel’s gingerbread! No they get to sit and watch Aster host the Nutcracker recital!

Cress much rather not….he would rather eat or play in the snow.

Eris joins in, she insists on being the Mouse King!

Aster is of course Clara and tries to also do the part of Sugar Plum.

Ares agreed to be a tree in the background.

Baby Dani will be a flower petal!

Feral will take the role of Nutcracker!

Cress eventually plays along/bribed to play as Drosslemeyer…

Maul sighing as he is asked to Narrate, and also asks for a nice costume.

Savage is trying to help best he can with set design, if only Aster and Maul weren’t such perfectionists…

Have fun Oppress’s you will need all the luck!

@eyecandyeoz @id-rather-be-a-druid @patchiefrog @pixiestookourstardust @gran-maul-seizure @storm89

#star wars oc #baby tomato #zabrak oc #danica #cress #aster #baby tomatoes #lemon loaves #tomatochats

[lycanthian]

Would you rather be a werewolf or have a werewolf?

THATS SO HARD. DIFFICULT QUESTION AF. if im cheating a little id say have a werewolf because it is transmittable and i can have my cake + eat it too that way

#plus hot steamy werewolf se #gamey rambles #asks

[craetor]

Genderbend Death Note AU expansion

(Lawlight headcanon to an AU I created of an existing story... Yeah.)

In this AU, I decided to keep Misa a (as far as audience knows) cisgender woman for added sapphics, except she's ramped up the campiness. Her style is still gothic, but branching towards French-accented vampire goth. Still a bit cheeky and clingy but more theatre dramatic. Red satin weaved with her black leather & stilettos-heeled knee-highs, emanating any given Lady Gaga song where she drops The Voice (initially I thought of her while listening to the "Monster Ball version" of Alejandro)

She's a model as well as a fashion designer. Needless to say, part of her love language is making Light her muse (which might be the most lesbian thing in the whole series, but would still be used by homophobes/armchair art historians to be like "SHES JUST HER MUSE ITS NOT GAY ITS NOT GAY" & we'd be like "bitch about every famous painter in history who had a muse romanced them jfc..." Anyways.) . She even draws her in her Death Note. It just has that kind of risky, exciting feel to it, and as much as Light silently enjoys to be drawn, she's a little paranoid that 1. The death note might one day respond to pictures as well, who knows, & 2. Anybody who'd find the note would see little doodles of her all over it, which is slightly incriminating to say the least, even with a 'stalker' argument in the back pocket. It ties her to it, period.

Headcanon (idea I'm too cowardly to incorporate):

After figuring out L is also somewhat seasoned when it comes to paining (idk why but apparently people of the fandom eat that idea up), in a moment of boredom & homoerotism she asks L to draw her. Draw her the way she truly sees her. It is followed by her completely nude on their bed, as a homage to the most legendary piece of sapphic angst - Portrait of a Lady on Fire, holding a mirror to obscure her pubic area.

It isn't like L hadn't seen her undressed before, as the magazine scene is exchanged for Light trying on lingerie (L had seen it coming & sent Soichiro off with 10.000¥ to get her a cake from a bakery downtown. The one that id also mentioned in Change the world. That'd be a subtle reference in addition to the canon LABB case connection to Another Note) and it also being Yotsuba Arc, wherefore they frequently shower together, so it's simply some rather sensually loaded naked bonding.

#didn't know if i wanted this out of my drafts but i suppose everyone who feels this blog might like this too #death note #genderbend #fem l lawliet #fem light yagami #misa amane #death note au #lawlight #lesbian lawlight #lesbian yagamane #light yagami #l lawiet

[wasitworththefallforthesun]

HOLAAAAAAA

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

8. movies or tv shows?

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

94. favorite season?

95. favorite app on your phone?

98. favorite historical era?

hello ty my beloved mutual <33

uhh cotton candy, but we call it candy floss where im from!!!

definitely grunge, im an emo at heart :3

Movies!! my fav is devil wears prada!!

i have a scrapbook where i do all of my writing!! (mostly notetaking from video essays :3)

ooo this is a hard one, id probs be apple, cause my fav colour is green!!

probably from tumblr or smth but this is my fav quote!! "i'd rather die standing than live kneeling" i say it way too much irl

cookies!! i dont really like cake :3

94. my fav season is autumn!!! (or fall if ya 'murican) i how its not as cold as winter but still chilly <333

95. i dont have many apps on mah phone, but probably tumblr lmao. WAIT WAIT NO i have this cool app where it is like a camera and it had all of the features of a old digital camera, called proccd !!

98. i am a huge fan of ancient greece, but also love the french revolution calls to me <33

omgomg thank you so much for the ask!!!! i loved answerin all the questions :3!! i hope you have a lovely day, and remember to drink water and eat some food!!!!

xo icarus

[lovelyfanatical]

I Get a Sugar Rush Whenever I'm With You - Chapter 7.1

Happy Friday fellow Drukkari stans, or whatever day it is for you! Took a little longer, but I'm back with the first installment of the next chapter! If you need to catch up, you can find all other chapters on my table of contents here, or you can find me on AO3 (though you'll need an account to view). Last time, Sprite won Star Baker, Ajak was eliminated, and Makkari invited Druig over. Whatever will happen next? Find out now, in the next mini-chapter of Drukkari in the Great British Bake Off!

In the middle of the week, Druig found himself standing at Makkari’s door, arms full of groceries, wondering once again if this was a date or just a secret hang-out between friends. Hunter seemed to think it was the former, but then again, Hunter had said he’d marry Bobbi a third time if she’d have him, so perhaps he wasn’t the best judge of these things. Druig was leaning toward the latter just when Makkari opened the door, her eyes lighting up at the sight of him, and he found himself hoping that Hunter was right for once. She took a bag from him as she ushered him inside.

Druig wasn’t quite sure what he was expecting. While it was comparable in size to his own, Makkari’s flat was undeniably much homier than his. It wasn’t overflowing, but it was certainly filled with stuff, unlike his own sparse sitting room. That said, it was still tidy, and although he couldn’t decipher its organization himself, he felt there was likely a method to the madness. Instead of cleaning products, it smelled of old books and, as he neared the kitchen, something sweet he couldn’t quite place. As he put the remaining bags on the counter, it hit him.

Did you actually bake a lemon cake? he asked.

I’ve sort of been wanting one since last week, she answered, a playful smile tugging at her lips. Luckily, we don’t need the oven for this recipe.

Shall we get started, then?

Makkari’s eyes widened as he echoed her words from before, and her grin grew even wider.

Since they’d decided to buy cones rather than make them, they made quick work of the ice cream. Makkari guided him through it, observing him steadily as he followed her instructions. Although he was trying to concentrate, Druig thought he caught her looking directly at him rather than what he was doing more than once throughout the process. She’d looked away quickly, but not quick enough for him to not notice.

It wasn’t long before the mixture was in the ice cream maker, then all they had to do was wait. Makkari made tea to go with the lemon cake, which Druig had nearly started eating directly out of the pan, it smelled so good. Makkari had shooed him away while she cut it into slices before bringing him a plate. As they ate their cake, they chatted about work and tea preferences and practice bakes.

I mean, I baked a lot before, but practicing for the competition is practically a part-time job, Makkari said.

It would be, if they paid us, he replied with a mock-pensive expression.

Well, obviously! she retorted with a snort, which made him chuckle. But, if I’m being honest, I didn’t think I’d still be here in week seven.

Druig softened a bit as he responded, You’re not still having doubts about belonging here, are you?

Not nearly as much as before, thanks to you, she said, her expression softening as well. But I still haven’t won Star Baker, and I wasn’t so sure about my performance last week.

I’m sure you’ll win one of these times. And I wasn’t sure about last week either, but neither was anyone else. Well, except Sprite, Druig conceded.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure nothing scares her.

Agreed. I also think she’s actually twelve, maybe thirteen at most. Must’ve made a fake ID to get in.

You said it, not me, Makkari said, shaking her head but still smiling.

Well, I had no doubts that you’d still be in the competition, Druig continued. I’m slightly surprised I’m still here, though.

Hey, you’re not having doubts again, are you? Makkari asked, her face growing a bit more serious.

Only a little. Last week was tough, he admitted. I mean, Ajak’s been baking for years, and she got eliminated.

It is going to be weird without her there, she said sadly. I felt like she was always looking out for us.

Even when she was disapproving of your investigations? he asked.

Even then, she replied wistfully, but her expression grew mischievous again as she added, Although, she was wrong about not interfering.

Why do you say that? he said, though Druig had a feeling he already knew the answer.

I talked to Dane. He has decided to ask Sersi out! Makkari could barely contain her smile, and it proved to be infectious.

Wow, another successful case, then, he said, which made her giggle. I’m sure Sersi will be over the moon on Saturday.

I can’t wait to see her face! Makkari’s expression softened again as she continued, Thanks, by the way.

For what?

For always supporting my shenanigans.

Well, you do most of the heavy lifting.

True, but I couldn’t do it without your help. You make an excellent partner-in-crime.

The conversation was lighthearted, but Druig could feel the weight of her last statement, his heart swelling a bit. Between that and the way she was looking at him now, he was surprised he could form any coherent thoughts. He managed to sign, Thank you, Detective Makkari. It’s an honor to be your partner-in-crime.

Better than being Star Baker?

Undoubtedly.

She giggled at that, making him smile. As she looked up at him through her eyelashes, Druig found himself transfixed. It was as if nothing else in the world existed outside the two of them. All other thoughts seemed to drop away as he looked at the beautiful woman in front of him, and she looked back. They had begun leaning toward each other from across the small kitchen table as they talked, and Druig thought for a moment Makkari might be leaning even closer.

The ice cream maker dinged, and just as quickly as it had started, the moment had passed. Druig got up, and Makkari quickly followed suit. They sampled their chili mango ice cream, and Druig actually felt his knees buckle under him. As his senses came back to him, he noticed Makkari was laughing at his reaction. So, he leaned into it.

Glorious Makkari, I am defeated, he said, collapsing into a chair.

This made her laugh even harder, but she managed to sign, You, sir, are exaggerating!

Not even a little. I’d give you a handshake, but I can’t possibly get up.

She crossed over to him at that, saying, Well, I have to get my handshake.

Makkari offered him her hand, which he gladly took. And if their handshake lingered a bit longer than necessary, neither commented on it.

-

Alternate title for this chapter: Is This a Date: The Sequel! 😆 Hope you enjoyed the fluff!

Part 23

#lovelyfanatical shares #drukkari gbbo au #drukkari #druig x makkari #eternals fanfiction #eternals #druig: seriously is this a date? #who knows