#i've gotten SO much better the last few years however and i can hear that

[difeisheng]

learned tonight that cheng yi is representation for those of us messy bitches who get needled at by their families for their accent in their 家鄉話

#although rip to cheng yi because i don't think i had it quite so bad as #“好了有一次我说老家话跟我妈还是我妹 说老家话被她们听到了 她以为我是泰国人” 😭😭 #hearing actors speak dialect is so fun no matter what though and i'm glad i found clips #cheng yi #ashton originals #language fuckery #sigh i do distinctly remember asking my mom at age 13-15 somewhere in there whether or not my canto sounded 鬼佬 #and her answer was yeah a bit #i've gotten SO much better the last few years however and i can hear that #to the point that a lady i briefly talked to last week assumed i was born in hk and moved here when i was younger #(the answer is no but that was flattering thank you)

[forgeofthenine]

I love how you write about the tieflings so much! I totally fig all the headcannons and everything!

Now.. in the spirit of the heat and rut stuff.. whatnif the tieflimg ba helors arent in a rut and find their tiefling girlfriends in heat?

Like they walk in and they see their girlfriend fingering themselves or humbing a pillow whimpering and moaning and stuff.

Here's the first post of the year guys! Sorry for the short hiatus, work has been busy and my dog currently has an infection I needed to take him to the vet for (let me know if anyone wants pictures of him in his cone of shame lmao). Starting the year off right, with some heat and rut smut! I tried out a format I've used similarly before, hopefully you guys like it! Thanks for the request Nanitheart :)

The tiefling bachelors (+Halsin) when their partner is in heat

Dammon

Dammon keeps a mental note of when your last heat was and when he can expect your next one

Luckily your heat tends to line up pretty well with his own rut

However, he spends a lot of time at work away from the house and it's really not uncommon for him to come home to the surprise of you in heat

It's apparent as soon as he comes home, finding himself surrounded by your scent the moment he walks over the threshold

By time Dammons made it to your bedroom he's already in his underwear

The two of you will be finding his clothes around the house for weeks

He's already flushed when he reaches you, unbearably hard when he sees you taking advantage of the toy he'd gotten you a while ago

The sound of blood rushing through your ears deafens you to anything else, eyes closed as you arch your back and try to find yet another release. You'd been stuck there all afternoon, writhing in your sheets, and had to resort to the dildo your lover had gifted you. In his absence you'd soon grown bored with just fingers.

A loud moan leaves you as your body trembles, legs splayed and a hand thrusting the toy as deep as possible. The way it stretched you felt good but it wasn't the same. It wasn't Dammon. Only then does your partner make himself known, voice cutting clear through your lust hazed mind.

"Oh, my darling, how long have you been like this?" Dammon asks, crawling over you on the bed. His own hand covers yours to carefully thrust the toy slowly inside you again. "Do you need me to make you feel better? Can't cum again without my help?" It's all teasing, you know it is, but an involuntary whine of his name leaves your throat as you nod.

It's not long before strong hands grip your legs and pull you forward, Dammon kneeling happily between your legs. You're about to whine again before you feel it, the firm tip of his tail brushing over your already full entrance and slipping in alongside the toy.

"Let me prepare you first, baby."

Zevlor

Zevlor keeps a calender in his private study that tracks your heats and his ruts

He actually knows when you're in heat before you do sometimes

On the odd occasion you happen to go on heat unexpectedly, he treats it like a pleasant little surprise

Another one that realises as soon as he opens the front door

Zevlors been through more then a few ruts brought on early by things like this so he's a lot less impatient

Knocks on the bedroom door before entering so he doesn't surprise you

What he wasn't expecting was to hear you already crying out for him, or to open the door and see you knuckle deep fingering yourself

It seems like it's been an eternity since the burning arousal of your heat flooded you, confining you to the plush bed you and Zevlor share. Burying your face into his pillow is one of the few things that helps, indulging in the scent of him as you touch yourself. If you think hard enough you can almost hear him.

Then the bed dips. Soon calloused hands are running up your bare legs as your bleary eyes meet Zevlors. His pupils are mere pinpricks as his rut settles in, his own arousal clear as your eyes dip between his legs. "How long have you been here like this, my love?" He asks, tender words paired with him swatting your hand away to replace it with his own.

You let out a low moan as two of his fingers push into you, stretching you more than your own ever could. "Too long... Please Zev-" You're soon calmed with gentle shushes, Zevlor carefully adding in a third finger as he shifts lower on the bed. Warm breath ghosts over your skin as he leans in, spreading warm kisses up the tops of your thigh.

"It's okay, let me take care of you now."

Rolan

This man has no space in his mind for tracking heats and ruts, he usually forgets when his own rut is going to hit

It's really not a surprise for him to take a while to realise you've gone on heat

What is a surprise is just how long he spent away from the tower this particular time, picking up some things for the store before seeing his siblings

You can imagine his shock when he'd left you relaxing in his office with a book and comes back to you grinding against a pillow on your shared bed

His mouth goes dry at the sight of your hips rolling against it, head thrown back in frustration

Rolans own rut hits him like a truck and all he can think of is how much he needs to fuck you

As soon as you turn to look at him again all bets are off, and soon Rolans clothes are too

You're hardly able to get a glance at your lover before he pounces on you, feeling yourself fall with a rush as a hard body presses you to the bed. Sharp teeth tease and nip at your neck, leaving claiming marks and small bruises in their wake. Soon, you hear the small growl from Rolans chest.

"So fucking desperate you had to grind against my pillow to get off?" He sneers, pulling back to flip you to your stomach. Clawed hand pull your hips so you lie head down and ass up just how he likes. Already you feel him sliding his cock against your entrance, grinding against you.

A whine and a plead leave you, exactly what Rolan likes. His long cock slides in easily with how you're prepared and feels endless as he fills you slowly. Soon you realise that's the only time he'll be slow with you, quickly pulling out before snapping his hips back against yours.

He takes you like this for the rest of the night, teasing and punishing you for making a mess of his pillow. Hands and a tail pull and push you in different positions over and over again. Rolan isn't pleased until you're panting and fucked out beneath him, so full with his cum that it drips down your thighs.

Halsin

Halsin is very aware of heats and ruts, despite not being affected personally

Just ask how he got his scar across his face and you'll realise how familiar he is

Despite not being able to smell when your hormones change like a male tiefling might, he's still very accurate when assuming when you'll go on heat

And there's no better sight in his opinion than walking in on you all flushed and needy right at the begining of your heat

When you just clue on to what's happing and why your thoughts keep straying to your elven lover

Halsins happy to drag things out a little, braiding your hair back if it's long enough, making sure you have food

The entire time you're whining for him, pressing your thighs together in your need for this man, until he finally takes you to bed

Shock rushes through you as you're swept up to a bridal carry, surrounded by firm muscles as you're carried out of the room. It's easy enough to lean up, lips covering the tan neck in front of you with kisses and nips as a chuckle leaves the chest you rest against. Halsin tightens his grip on you, his easygoing grin deceptive compared to his sharp eyes.

You're soon tossed into a pile of blankets and first on your shared bed, trying to shed your clothes once free of Halsins grip. Calloused hands join you, freeing you from fabric confines and running over your bare skin. Two thick fingers run over your entrance, teasing against it before pressing in and stretching you out on him. Even just the two fingers feel unbelievably thick, your back arching as they slip in deeper.

"So beautiful, Silvanus has truly blessed me with this sight." Halsin chuckles, watching as you writhe at the feeling of his fingers and slipping in a third. Every moan you let out goes straight to the mans dick, the sight of it mouthwatering as it presses against the crotch of his pants. You'll have to wait, though, and let your lover bring you to ecstasy with only his fingers first. Repeatedly

#bri answers #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 x reader #bg3 x reader #baldurs gate 3 smut #bg3 smut #baldurs gate 3 dammon #bg3 dammon #dammon x reader #dammon smut #baldurs gate 3 zevlor #bg3 zevlor #zevlor x reader #zevlor smut #baldurs gate 3 rolan #bg3 rolan #rolan x reader #rolan smut #baldurs gate 3 halsin #bg3 halsin #halsin x reader #halsin smut

[sword-and-sorrow]

Shuonun had been at the resort all of four hours and already he was the least relaxed anyone had ever been while staying at such a place. His navy blue suit was too hot and itchy. His flight had been hell above earth, with turbulence all through it and a close call with almost losing his baggage. There had been a crying baby two rows behind him so he couldn't even sleep. Upon arriving, he had taken nearly two hours getting through customs and when he finally reached the resort there had been a problem with his room key. In an effort to calm himself he had taken a stroll along the beach, and was now reposing in the lounge listening a singer and a pianist. His gaze, however, was on a young man hanging around near the bar.

He could have clocked him a mile away. This man was not a guest. He was about Shuonun's age, perhaps a few years younger, and he didn't look tense but he wasn't relaxed. He was working. Shuonun knew what he was doing there as he watched him banter with the people on barstools. He was very pretty.

Like a ghost, he slipped towards him. He smiled and waved with his fingers before turning to the bar. He ordered himself a margarita, on the rocks, as well as "whatever he's having" with a thumb jerked toward Alex. He tipped the bartender generously and stepped back to wait for their drinks. As he did, he leaned in to whisper to Alex, "I've got a better view of the show from my seat. Join me?"

Alexander was in all honesty checking his phone to make sure that he had gotten paid from last night, looking up to shoot a fake sultry smile at his client when he discovered that he had been tipped extra. Furthermore, he hadn’t even done that much and slipped out of the other man’s bed early as he promised to, “not tell your wife, lay your handsome head down and just rest before she makes you go shopping with her tomorrow.”

Although he generally had a rule where he refused to service clients that were married, especially men, times were tough and he didn’t even know about it until after. Besides, his conscious could handle it after a few drinks and a hot shower.

He was contemplating that when Shuonun spoke to him, looking surprised for a moment. However, he quickly cleared his throat and smiled softly with a, “this is the best angle, you can hear everything that’s going on while also seeing how the pianist isn’t even playing the piano. It’s all a show, but I think that makes it all the more real.”

As he spoke, he looked directly into the other man’s eyes to signal that there was a double meaning to the sentence. However, when his eyes raked down Shuonun’s body, it was mostly to determine his wealth, if he was married, and why he was here. When he grasped the basic concept, he added a, “you’d understand that though, as a businessman. I can’t imagine the stress you’re under all the time because of it, it must really wind you up.”

Even what Alexander was wearing was elaborate and significant. The button up shirt was a bit too open, pants ever so slightly tighter than normal. He used his build to his advantage as well, knowing that whatever clients assumed about him was the role that he’d take. While he didn’t wear makeup, he’d admit to having a skincare regiment as well as styling his hair.

@hellachaotic

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Hiiii.

So, not one but two jobs just fell through. I'm currently visiting friends (because of course I get this news while on vacation) but as soon as I get back home I'll start applying places, but let's be honest, even if I succeed in getting a second job (yes, I already have a job, no it doesn't pay all my bills, welcome to hell) I don't know if that'll be enough to cover everything. I was really depending on these jobs, I was promised them for months. Ask any of my close friends, they've been hearing me chant "I just have to make it until July" since January.

And yet, here we are. So.

A couple months ago I decided to take the plunge and start up a Patreon to share my original work and help support my writing career as I begin the journey of self publishing my novels. But I know that some people only want to read my fanfic (and that's okay!) so I made a special $3-a-month-tier just for you guys.

(I do also have a ko-fi, but honestly, a steady income on Patreon would benefit me a lot more.)

If ten percent of the average reader count on my fics were to sign up for the $3, I could pay half my bills every month and I wouldn't have to find a second job. Obviously I don't expect that many people to sign up, but I hope that expresses just how much every little bit helps me.

If you sign up for $3 you get no notifications, no emails, nothing, you do not get bothered by me. You would, however, probably get those fanfics you've all been waiting on because I would actually have time to write them (I'm seriously worried I won't get even my Halloween fics done in time because I've had no time or energy to write them, and I started working on these fics in January). You can sign up for a higher tier if you want of course, but if you're not interested in my original work or pictures of my cats you probably want to stick to $3.

(For free updates on my novels and such you can follow me @lincolnchristie - my A Masque of Shadows Ao3 updates will be posted there, for example).

I've had to ask for help from the tumblr community before, and I hated it, and I hate it now, but this time I do feel a little better about it because I'm not asking while giving nothing back. I truly do hate self-promotion but every little bit helps. The appreciation and enthusiasm I've gotten from people on tumblr and on Ao3 in response to my writing the last few years has been truly amazing, and so I hope that I've created stories you love enough that, if you have the spare change, you'll consider helping to support me as I embark on my professional writing career and try to keep the lights on.

It's been a tough year and a tough few months for me and I'm sure it has for everyone reading this, too. Please stay safe and take care of yourself, and thank you for taking the time to read this. Even if you can't sign on, reblogging also really helps. Thank you.

#about mads #mads writes stuff #literally getting this news when I won't even be home for a week is just #I learned about the one job last week and just got the email on this one #so it's been fun #but yes I am working on the fanfics I just haven't had time while trying to pay my bills #and also revise my novels #so if people have the spare money and like my fanfic and want more of it #and/or would like to help me have the time to get my novels publish-ready #it would mean the world to me #I'm going to go disappear now so I can full-body cringe over this post in peace

[michelle-is-writing]

Baking, Ben Hardy

Word Count: 1.9k~

Baking has always been a fun pastime for me, whether something sweet was needed for an event or it was a spur-of-the-moment decision. When I was seven years old, my grandmother brought me into the kitchen one early morning and made me help her fix breakfast, causing me to fall in love with baking at such a young age. From then on, I began cooking and baking whenever I could, getting better with each year I grew older.

Thankfully, this valuable trait lasted me throughout my time as a teenager and into my young adult years. When I moved into my first-ever apartment, I was the only person living there, and cooking for myself and eating by myself every day became a bit lonely. The two activities became a bore for me until I baked cookies one day and brought them to my neighbor, whom I had never gotten to meet. The recipe for the cookies was from an old cookbook from the fifties that my grandmother gave me when I left home. Out of the things left by her in her passing, that was the most important to me as it led me to one of my lifelong passions.

I would soon find out that the recipe book would lead me to more than just a hobby, as those cookies would give me the chance to meet my neighbor and ultimately fall in love with him as well. Ben was the nicest guy when I met him, and when he came back with the empty Tupperware container the cookies were once held in only a day later, I knew he was a keeper.

We soon began dating, and nearly twice a week, I found myself baking anything he asked for while he talked to me or practiced his lines for movies he was staring in. It was almost as if we lived with each other as Ben and I were constantly sharing my bed, and most of his stuff was left at my apartment. I even began doing his laundry for him (which he was eternally grateful for).

Only a year passed of us sharing sweet and unforgettable moments before we were engaged, and soon enough, married. Of course, with the marriage, we both decided we'd need a place with more space, leading us to move from our small apartments and into a much bigger house with a gigantic kitchen. Ben said it was just a coincidence, but I saw those gears moving in Ben's head, and I wasn't mad at all.

Looking over at the sleeping blond man lying beside me, I can't help but think about the time Ben and I met. Just thinking about how he practically gushed over how good the cookies were (while stuttering) makes me want to go bake some for him now. However, I don't feel like rolling dough out, and instead, I'd rather make something I can just combine the ingredients and pour it into a pan. Are brownies okay at eight in the morning? Yes?

Gently sliding out of Ben's grasp and onto my feet, I take a glance at the calendar hanging over our bedroom desk, only to feel the date put a damper on my happy mood. It's a typical day for many other people in the world, but to me, this day is a reminder that the person whom I loved and looked up to as a child passed away. It's been a few years since my grandmother's death, but the anniversary still hits me as hard as the day it happened.

Although, I know that my grandmother wouldn't want me to be upset over her death, and instead, do something that made me smile. Baking was always something we did with each other, and since that makes me happy, I know she would want me to do so.

Heading into the kitchen, I pull my favorite cookbook off the shelf above the counter and flip it open to the recipe for the brownies my grandma used to make. I've made them many times before, and I remember the ingredients and instructions to a T, but I don't want to mess anything up and be left with flat or horrible-tasting brownies.

Combining the dry ingredients with the liquid ones, I push the stationary mixer down and let it mix the ingredients together while I stand at the counter, watching the dark brown brownie mix form before my eyes. As I do so, I barely hear the soft thuds of Ben's footsteps before his warm arms wrap around me from behind. His sudden touch surprises me, causing me to jolt with a small laugh as I immediately realize it's just him.

"You scared me," I state, turning in his hold to face him. His hair is going in every direction while his eyes are still clouded with sleep. This doesn't affect the smile on his face, nor does it change the firmness of his hold on me. He always looks adorable when he's just woken up, and this morning is no different.

"You scared me when you weren't in bed," Ben tells me, his voice showing that he's still partly asleep. Leaning down, he kisses my forehead before moving to my lips, where he stays there longer. Kissing back, I slide my arms around his neck and pull him close, only making him hold onto me tighter.

Pulling back with a giggle, I smile up at Ben with a sigh as he looks at the mixer behind me, a slight smirk appearing on his lips. "It's early in the morning," He points out, his fingers tapping against my waist. "And you're making... chocolate cake?"

With a small laugh, I turn back around in his arms and turn the mixer off. "Brownies, actually," I tell him, feeling Ben's fingers move from my waist and onto my stomach. "They're ones that my grandma and I used to make with each other," With that, I feel tears begin to form in my eyes, but I blink them away. However, Ben somehow notices this and nuzzles his head into my neck, his cold nose causing me to slightly shiver.

"I know you miss her," Ben murmurs, gently kissing the skin on my neck. "Why don't you tell me about her?" He suggests, making me smile once again. That's not a bad idea.

"Well, for starters, she wouldn't want you kissing my neck like this," I begin, making Ben laugh before he pulls his face away and places his chin on top of my head. "And secondly, you already know that she's the reason I know how to bake in the first place."

"But, what else did she do?" He asks, releasing his arms from my waist as he moves to lean against the counter beside me. The sight of him shirtless and leaning back on his arms makes me want to jump him, but for the sake of the moment, I can hold back.

"She did a lot," I tell him, walking to the cabinet to take a glass pan from the shelf. "God, I wish you could've met her - she would have loved you," I note, walking back to the counter with the pan. Placing it on the marble countertop, I sigh and look over at my husband, watching as he dreamily gazes at me with his green eyes. "I wish you could've been there when she could still bake."

"I don't think she baked better than you, love," He sucks up to me, making me snort. He knows better.

"Who do you think taught me?" I ask him with a grin. "Everything I know is because of her," I tell him, turning my body toward him. Leaning my hip against the counter, I cross my arms as happy memories come to mind. "I can remember making sugar cookies on Christmas Eve with her, and she taught me the importance of being creative with anything I made,"

Pausing, I start telling another memory. "There was one time when my aunts and uncles were coming down for a visit, and despite being weak from her age, she still put everything together and tried making a bunch of things," Slowly, the smile on my face begins to drop, remembering her frail state toward the end. Ben notices this but doesn't say anything, waiting for me to continue on.

"I had to finish everything for her, of course, and I didn't mind a single bit," I clarify. "The best part of it all was that she got to tell me stories from her childhood while I did so. She told me about the Great Depression and what it was like to bake during that time," Shaking my head, I smile once again before turning to the bowl of brownie batter and pouring it into the nonstick pan, scraping it with the red silicone spatula to get the excess in as well.

"She even told me about the time she baked a wedding cake for a friend whose mother wanted to bake it, but in all honesty, she couldn't bake for her life," Both Ben and I share a laugh before I continue on, placing the messy bowl back on the counter. "Plus, anytime she baked, and no matter how old I got, she always let me lick the spoon and bowl. I guess it was a southern thing or maybe just a grandmother thing,"

With a happy sigh, I look back to Ben to find him still listening to me, an interested smile marked on his lips. "Now, when I think about it, I can't help but become giddy when I think about kids, our kids," I correct myself, watching the sweet smile on his face grow. "Doing the same thing I did when I was young and licking the bowl like my grandmother would let me."

Turning my attention back to the glass pan full of brownie batter, I place the spatula in the bowl with the bottom and sides still partially covered with the batter. Just before I begin to clean up, I see Ben move in my peripherals, his naked chest and sweatpants-covered legs disappearing as he stands behind me once more, wrapping his left arm around me like he previously did as he reaches over me with his other arm to run his fingers in the dirty mixing bowl.

Turning my head toward him, I watch as Ben lifts his now brownie batter-covered fingers to his lips and licks the dark brown mix while maintaining eye contact with me, causing me to blush. He then leans forward and kisses me, remnants of the sweet mixture still lingering on his lips until he pulls away. "Until we have kids," He states, his smile now a smirk as his hand on my waist tightens. "I guess I'll just have to do."

"Love, if you don't stop licking your fingers like that, we will be having a kid very soon!" I joke, earning an almost playful, animalistic growl from Ben. The sound emitted from him causes me to burst with laughter just as Ben picks me up and tosses me over his shoulder, walking back to our bedroom as the uncooked brownies remain on the stovetop.

Probably, somewhere up in heaven, my grandmother is laughing at the sight of Ben and me, happy that her baker of a granddaughter found someone who loves her with all of his heart... and stomach.

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy imagines #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy x fem reader #ben jones #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody x reader #bohemian rhapsody imagine #roger taylor imagines #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor fanfiction #roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor #roger taylor x reader

[zombiedumbie]

03. AND NOW WE'RE KIDS THAT NEVER KNEW THEIR NAMES

'Wolf brought another strange kid home' masterlist.

this title is temporary, I need to get more creative with them. edit: new title! it's a reference to this song.

based on Law's light novel, silly little domestic moments, fluff, memory loss, 1st person pov.

I was starting to understand her better now.

Wolf would sniff when he was happy, while the girl would run a fever when she was happy. In fact, she would get sick for a few days.

After Wolf found her in the kitchen, he picked her up and carried her to her room, telling me that she had gotten worse. I worried as I felt her temperature under my palm, but the old man told me it was like when she visited the city with him.

At first, I thought it was just nervousness. After all, there was a new person in the house, and when she visited the city, she was surrounded by new people; it was like adding one and one. But then she started opening up a bit more with Bepo.

With nowhere to escape while lying in bed during those days, she couldn't avoid Bepo when he accompanied me. I assumed it would be difficult for them to interact, especially given the bear's shyness and the girl's fear. But I was glad to be proven wrong.

Soon, I could hear them talking, sometimes laughing. It happened even faster than with me. I listened from the door of my room as she told him about the city. I expected her to say it was scary, but nothing but kind words came out of her mouth as she excitedly explained how beautiful the city was and how kind the people were, and how she wanted to overcome her fear of people to go back.

I also heard her talk about how happy she was to have someone else to talk to and how she wanted to remember if she had friends before she forgot everything.

My heart ached a little.

So, I added one and one again, realizing she got a fever right after I talked to her about our walks. I tried to be as neutral as possible with my words, even though I was expressing my feelings. I didn't need to talk about everything I felt.

She got a fever right after I said I didn't care if she walked with me... I thought about it a bit more, unsure of how I should feel about it. She was so happy with those seemingly insignificant words that I felt bad for saying them, but I wasn't lying; I was just omitting the fact that I wanted her to walk with me every day.

It was more pleasant when I could talk to her about Sora than sitting in silence, especially when all I could think about were the last three years of my life.

I felt a twinge in my chest again. I wanted to help her not be nervous around new people so she could go to the city again.

She recovered quickly, but I asked Wolf not to give her too heavy tasks for the next few days to make sure her body didn't strain too much and worsen again. The old man looked at me with that smirk again but said it was okay as long as someone compensated for her absence on the farm.

However, it didn't take more than a day for her to insist on going back to the farm, but I opposed her decision.

"Come on, Law, if she says she's fine, she's fine!" Wolf agreed with her, and she pounded both fists on the table, making the utensils jump.

I narrowed my eyes, furrowing my brows in anger at her stubbornness. "Can't you listen to a doctor?! You need to take it easy for a few more days!"

"I don't know, I've never been to a doctor!" She replied mockingly, sticking out her tongue.

When I started to explain why it was important for her to listen to me and how a doctor knew what was best for her, as doctors studied human nature to ensure everyone stayed healthy, she hit me with a pea on my brow using the spoon as a catapult.

"Human nature my ass", she grumbled. "I'm going back to the farm tomorrow, and you can shut up!" I looked at Wolf, and she had clearly learned to speak that way with him.

The old man just laughed at the half-squashed pea on my face, giving her a high-five as if he was proud of her accuracy. I looked to the side, seeing how Bepo observed the chaos in front of him with shining eyes while chewing his dinner, fascinated by how the two of them had simply decided to make fun of me.

Despite the anger, I felt welcomed in that mess. In addition to a safe place to sleep and hot food, it was a home where I could feel the warmth of interactions and feel welcome, even with a pea on my eyebrow. At the end of the day, things weren't so bad; I shared the same fascination as the little polar bear by my side, even if on different levels.

And I demonstrated that by hitting her back with another pea.

When the two of us started a small pea war, Wolf intervened, talking about the work it took to plant all those peas, until I hit him with one.

"You know what? Fuck it."

From there on, dinner turned into a small grain war, with teams divided by the side of the table where we were sitting. Poor Bepo, he could never hit anyone and always got hit because he couldn't dodge, ending up with peas stuck in his fur.

The war ended when we ran out of peas and the floor was dirty.

"All right", Wolf said, getting up and taking his plate to the kitchen. "You kids clean this up; you started it."

"But... What about me?" Bepo furrowed his brow, looking at Wolf with a cute expression.

"Argh, look at that..." Bepo's eyes practically shone, and I pursed my lips at the sight. "You're free too, go to your room."

"Hey, that's not fair!" The girl said, incredulous.

"Nobody told you to start this", Wolf replied. Bepo was already putting his plate in the kitchen.

"But you encouraged it", I retorted, reminding him of when he gave her a high-five. I felt confident with my argument, only for him to respond with: "Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my footsteps", and then he went up the stairs.

This old bastard, sometimes I wonder if this 'give and take' thing is just a fancy way of saying 'child labor.' But still, I collected the peas and put them in my palm, making a scoop.

"Hey... Don't you think it's strange that I don't have a name?" She asked me after a few minutes of silence. Wolf and Bepo must have been in their respective rooms.

I furrowed my brow, not understanding the reason for the question. I had never really thought about it after Wolf explained everything to me. At this point, I should be used to it. "Does it bother you?"

She shrugged. "A little, I guess", she continued collecting peas but throwing them back into the plate. "I mean, all of you have names, and I'm just... 'the girl'", she mumbled.

"Well, look on the bright side... If you don't remember your name, you can choose one", she pouted.

"Yeah, I've thought about picking a name for myself, since I don't think I'll ever get my memories back", she mumbled again, and I perked up, her words piquing my medical interest. "But it seems hard to choose a name for myself, you know, I want something cool."

"You said you went to the doctor when you arrived, right?" I asked, now curious about her memory loss.

"I can't remember, Wolf said when he found me, he took me to a doctor in Pleasure Town, but I don't remember that, I was probably asleep, I think", she paused, looking at me with curiosity. "Why?"

I smiled at her choice of words. Asleep. It had to have been something more than a simple nap to erase her memories. "Do you know what the doctor said?"

She raised an eyebrow, probably finding my sudden interest in this strange. "Oh... I don't know", she scratched her head. "He said that... Hah, He said that the doctor said my memories would come back eventually, but Wolf didn't tell me anything about dates or stuff like that", I sighed, watching her as she spoke. "I've been here for about three months, I think, and I still haven't remembered anything."

Unintentionally, I squeezed the peas in my hand, crushing them a little, and then returned them to the plate and wiped my hand, scraping off the remaining peas. It was a bit sad, actually. Waking up in a strange place without knowing who you were must have been quite distressing.

So far, all we knew was that she must be from another island. No one in Pleasure Town recognized her when Wolf took her there, and that was the only nearby town where he found her.

"But I don't want to be onnanoko either, you know... Even if I don't have memories, I'm still someone, right?" She asked me as if seeking some kind of validation.

My medical curiosity gave way to the same feeling I had when I heard her talking to Bepo. I nodded, and it seemed to be enough as she smiled.

"Would you choose a different name if you could?" The question sounded almost rhetorical, but I pondered for a while as I took the dishes to the kitchen, with the dinner table now pea-free.

My name was still a mystery to me. "D." This reminded me of Corazón and all his efforts to save me because I had that name, but apparently, it was a curse, as I was the "natural enemy of God." If I changed my name, would things be different?

If I changed my name, would Corazón have saved me?

"I don't know", I replied, stacking the dishes in the sink.

#one piece #one piece x reader #trafalgar d law #trafalgar d water law #law one piece #one piece fanfic #law fanfic #law x reader #one piece fluff #fluff #trafalgar law fluff #Wolf brought another strange kid home #zombiedumbie writing

[piromantic]

gender rambling

this isn't about how i feel on the inside or trying to sort out any of that stuff. the older i get the less i care about applying the gender dichotomy to my own feelings or trying to describe myself within this framework that doesn't really mean anything, like i'm myself and i'm good with that

however. we live in a society.

ngl for this being the 'burnt out gifted kid transgender' website i've never actually seen any discussions about gender within competitive academic settings. i've seen some mentions of how toxic masculinity presents differently in nerd spaces, but still permeates it just as much as any other space. but it took like, so fucking long to even recognize it in my own life, let alone unravel how it affected me.

i sometimes play video games with a group of guys from my major and for the last year and a half i was The Team Carry because i had a few hundred extra hours of practice on them. they're all nearly caught up to my level now, and even though they're all the pretty typical 'woo feminism' cis men and have never said anything towards me that was weird or discriminatory, i've started to feel afraid that i'm going to be mentally demoted in their minds as soon as i lose the status of 'carry'. which is irrational, but as i started dissecting where this fear came from it started unraveling like years of my life

it sounds absolutely ridiculous when typed out, but when i'm in my own head i keep going in circles of 'am i, personally, going to lead to the downfall of feminism by not being a woman'.

because i am studying in a field where there aren't many women in general, let alone visibly queer people. things have gotten better for sure but i have literally been in a class where i was the only person who wasn't a cis man in the whole room. so i'm viewed as someone setting an example and paving the way just by existing, which feels like i'm just pulling off a giant deception on people who see me as a sign of community, which feels awful.

but also, i think i became aware of this on a subconscious level YEARS before i realized it outright. like i think about this reaction i have to video games and it takes me all the way back to fourth grade, when i realized that girls were never going to accept me, but if i was mean and smart and loud about it, boys might. so i got really into the Act Of Appearing Smart, which manifested as just being... ridiculously competitive. oh i know more digits of pi than you. oh i can recite more of the periodic table faster than you. oh i can do integrals in my head faster than you. etc etc ad infinitum

when i think back, so much of my life was spent trying to like, win scraps of gender euphoria through 'proving' myself in the academic system. and like. ???? playing the misogyny game is still misogyny. i look back and wonder whether i had a missed opportunity to make these spaces better if i had just pushed back on them a bit more, and whether i was just perpetuating them by being like 'hey guys, no need to stop the toxic masculinity! i'm a girl, and i can succeed in here, so girls who don't succeed just aren't trying hard enough!'

or, put slightly differently: was i just perpetuating the idea that the only way to succeed in these systems was to be masculine.

over time i found that the way boys (and men, now) signify that i've succeeded is to allow me to be in their spaces. guys will tell me about the girls they find hot, forgetting that it's not socially acceptable for me to agree. guys will drop the use of female pronouns when i'm in the group, slotting me under 'boys' or 'king' like the rest of their friends instead of making exceptions. and it's like. if i was a woman i wouldn't let this happen, and i know they would respect that.

BUT I'M NOT A WOMAN. and these things are affirming, but i feel terrible for finding affirmation in them, because they weren't meant that way.

(and i can hear my mother's voice in my head like 'you're not trans, you just want male privilege', and no, i really don't think that's it. i had a friend that used to say misogynistic shit to be edgy when we were in like, elementary-middle school, and i always shut that down immediately. but it never felt like i was defending myself as part of that group. i've just always felt a bit of distance there)

i guess the issue i've been trying to articulate is that things are fine on the surface, but the context for them isn't. if people were treating me the exact same way because i came out to them, i wouldn't feel bad. but i'm a coward and i hate coming out because it usually goes badly for me, and i'd also feel bad about coming out in my area of study specifically because i'm already in the minority right now. (and i don't think it would go over very well, despite diversity trainings and whatever getting more popular.) like i don't want to be the SINGLE they/them in my entire department. that's too much stress for me.

and i have this fear that it would just come across as becoming a stereotype, or being misogynistic. like ohhhh you think you're a man because women can't do math or something. <- insane thing to worry about

idk i need to stop stalling and finish my conference presentation already. if you read this far idk why you would but thanks for making it through all that

#j rambles #personal

[goodbyeapathy8]

Had another divorce hearing this morning (at this point, 3+ years into the damn process, I've had close to 20 hearings… which is just… yeah.)

The good ish news is, the ex didn't show up again. It's good because every time he does show up, I inevitably have nightmares after seeing his ugly (and abusive) mug. The bad news is, it's a cruel form of hope because it makes me think he won't show up the next time and then he does.

Today was my first time self representing and it gave me a ton of anxiety the past few days. Well, that and the whole fundraising efforts for April rent and bills. I haven't gotten much sleep, maybe a couple hours here and there.

It was a trial setting conference, basically a hearing to decide if the parties are ready or not for moving forward and it's the only reason I was even semi okay with self rep. I now need to work on finding a pro bono lawyer that's gonna help with the last (hopefully) bit of this cursed divorce… I'm not looking forward to that process because I have very little hope I'll find someone good. Not with the luck I've had.

However, it's a different judge than the one that was seemingly empathetic to the ex. It's also the one who will be making the final decision, which is set for September 6th. I have until mid August to file the last papers so there's still a few months of pro bono lawyer searching… Blegh.

The worst part about today was having to listen to other cases (as you do for these goddamn hearings). There was one that triggered me deeply and it made me angry that that person was verbal vomiting and being selfish. I know more than anyone else how frustrating it is but I also think it's selfish to subject other people to your traumas because YOU need to be heard, over what the judge was saying as well (that this is not the time and place).

So yeah. I'll be decompressing the rest of the day and doing nothing because, as usual, it was stupidly stressful.

Last but not least, thanks a ton to everyone for sharing the mutual aid post as well as friends who have sent funds. I appreciate y'all greatly and it's helping me hang on to what little sanity I have left.

Also! Another way you can help (but it's a bit slow as TikTok does payouts on the 15th) - I made a mutual aid video that you can watch and help bring in views.

Login (if you have an account) and watch the video below for at least 5 seconds

You can rewatch the video and it'll count as a new view!

Better yet, just have the video muted and let it autoloop

Best practice : watch video all the way thru at least once, leave a long comment on the vid, save it, repost it on TikTok

(I'm part of the creator's fund and videos that go viral can bring in some cash. It's not a whole lot but it's a super easy way to help out that doesn't require sharing).

Mutual aid TikTok video here.

Also, please please do NOT spam like my other TikToks as that means my videos don't make it to the feed.

(What is spam liking? Clicking "like" for over 5+ videos in a row. It downgrades the account as suspicious, which means it lowers the priority of my videos and basically stops putting them on the FYP. Saving the video to your favorites doesn't cause harm tho, from what I understand.)

#Divorce #phoenix personal post #mutual aid #ao3 author #tiktok

[aita-blorbos]

(OC, 👽 so I can find it later)

AITA for leaving my best friend behind?

>TWs: child death and endangerment, abuse, kidnapping<

Sorry this is very long but there's a lot that I need to explain.

So 6 years ago a war started between humanity and this really fascist alien dictator who wanted to exterminate us. They started capturing children to experiment on them to find weaknesses to put them at an advantage in battle.

I (11F at the time) was captured at the beginning of the war when I was about 7. The years spent there were absolute hell and left me with permanent damage (both physical and mental).

After about half a year of being imprisoned I befriended one of the other kids there who I'll call H (11, almost 12,F at the time). She and I slowly became close over the 4 years we were trapped to be point we've become practically inseparable.

So about 2 years ago we were sitting and talking in the "free time" area when we started to hear gun shots and the sound of a door being knocked down.

We ran through random corridors and managed to find the security office where, on the cameras, we could see a large group of alien rebels had broken in in an attempt to neutralise our captors and save all the children. The captors, however, seeing how difficult it would be to overcome this, started trying to kill the kids instead.

As H was watching the cameras, she noticed that a few of the captors had started searching around the ship. They were looking for us.

When we were first running to the room had noticed a large vent on the floor that looked to be loose, so I suggested we go hide in it.

Right before we left the room, H had turned to me and made me promise that if anything bad happened, that I must leave her behind and save myself. I really didn't want to do that, but she was insistent.

The cover of the vent made an incredibly loud noise as we moved it, and the alien captors began running towards us. Right as we managed to get into the vent one of the captors ran by us and straight into the security room.

The vent was cramped and we had to go single file when crawling through it. H was a much faster runner than me, and had to drag me along with her when running to the room, however I was much better at crawling than her. Not wanting to leave her behind, I let her hold onto my ankle so that we wouldn't lose each other in the darkness.

Once we had managed to turn a corner, the alien who had ran into the security room had had enough time to check the footage of the camera above the security room's door, which showed us climbing into the vent. By the time it had gotten to the vent and called to the others saying we were in there, we hadn't gotten far at all.

The alien that had started climbing through the vent was one that we knew to be incredibly violent, so, as there was no way we'd be able to escape at our current pace, H had let go of me and insisted I go on on my own. H tried to reason that, if she stayed behind, the alien would be so busy attacking her that I would have enough time to escape.

I tried desperately to refuse, but H reminded me of the promise we made earlier and told me that I couldn't break it. I could only give her one last look before she shuffled backwards to the corner and told me to book it.

As I had managed to turn a few more corners, I could hear the alien find her. I never saw what happened to H, but I think it's safe to say she's probably not alive anymore.

After a while longer of crawling, I managed to find an exit where a few members of the rebel group were. They managed to get me and some other children out of the ship (after having to shoot a few of the aggressors that just wouldn't give up, man) and I've been staying on their own ship ever since.

That day has haunted me ever since, and I think it's my fault that she's not with me anymore, even though she insisted that that be the case.

So, AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality #child abuse #human experimentation #child death #kidnapping

[olivereliocorcordium1983]

Killing Stalking Thoughts

Today I finished reading Killing Stalking for the second time since the first time I ever read it in college when I was a freshman.

The first time that I ever read killing stalking was when I was a freshman in college and loved it despite the gruesome subject matter of abuse, childhood trauma, and the pure toxicity of the relationship between these two characters. But I truly did not understand completely, yet I couldn’t put it down, even when I wanted to put it down and walk away I couldn’t completely. 

Now that I am in my 30s and can fully understand everything, I decided to pick back up again and read it for a second time. And I have to say that both Sangwoo and Yoon bum deserved so much better than what they got as children and being abused by the people who said they loved them. Is heartbreaking to me, it is something that I personally can relate to but not to the extremes that these two had gone through. 

The thing that made it hard to read was the multitude of emotions I felt during reading this story. The pain, the sadness, the intense anger of Sangwoo, and the tears, anxiety and fear of Yoon Bum. During the entire time it was like a rollercoaster going up and down, just as it was when I read call me by your name for the very first time. 

I personally love crime stories I am pretty sure that's obvious by now given the few fanfics I've done. But going back through it, I realized a lot more than I thought the first time.

so Spoiler warning for those who wish to read it. I say do so with caution and if you are easily triggered by any of the subjects that is involved with the Manwah then don't read it at all for your own mental health. if you cannot handle it.

1st- The ending pisses me off and tore me up the most because I do understand completely are aware that this relationship was not normal by any means and shouldn't be seen that way. However, I do not believe that what the people did to Bum with hiding the fact that they cremated Sangwoo without telling him. Much less allowing him to see him one last time.

I am not okay with that at all, he should have been able to have the closure he wanted. He should have at least been able to give Sangwoo that ring he was wanting to give him. Even if it meant that he was moving on with his life and possibly towards better things.

2nd- Everything that Yoon Bum went through made me want to hug this poor guy. I literally thought that no one would give this guy any type of kindness. Along with Sangwoo.

Yes, I realize that he is a shitty guy and does horrible shit, I am not saying I agree with the things that he did to everyone. In fact, I believe that the way he died, was in some way due to my sense of humor comedic justice with the old lady "shutting him up" because he was being too loud and wouldn't shut up. X'D

At the same time It does break my heart since Bum was one of the people in his life to show him any kind of kindness. And the fact that both of them, were calling out each other's names was sad.

3. The parents should all be smacked in the heads and have child protective services called on all their asses. speaking of parent, I want to know how in the world that Sangwoo's mom could look as she does being dead for 4 to 5 years!!!!! you think being in that wall all that time, she would be a skeleton!

anyway, those people should have never been allowed to be parents much less gradians. The part where Sangwoo kills Bum's uncle, I had a moment of daja vu when Keller kills most of Schillinger's men who went after Beecher's family. and the whole "Don't you see I did what I did out of love?" though the uncle deserved it in my personal opinion the piece of garbage! I digress.

4. I do believe in my heart that Sangwoo and Yoon Bum would have been good together. Hear me out! IF they would have gotten their shit together and gone to therapy respectively and worked through their own childhood traumas and other issues that was going on with them.

why? Because in their own fucked up way they understood each other very well.

Koogi explains that she put the song "Killing me softly" in the story because she heard it and love it! While in the story itself Sangwoo hates the song.

But by looking at the lyrics myself it does make sense to me that it could be told from Bum's perspective and his infatuation/ trauma bonding with Sangwoo.

We might describe ��Killing Me Softly’ as a bittersweet song about a number of opposites: the softness of Don McLean’s vocal delivery versus the power of what he is singing; and the way he appears to ‘get’ the woman, to understand her pain and her experiences, and yet he doesn’t even know she exists.

After all, towards the end of the song, he appears to look right through her, because to him, she’s just another face in the crowd. He appears to understand her, personally, but the singer of ‘Killing Me Softly’ has mistaken a universal emotion for a private feeling.

They understand one another because they have a shared trauma and talk about their traumas together.

5. Something else I tended to notice that I didn't the first time I read it was the fact that Yoon Bum was watching The Fantastic Mr. Fox. A movie which I personally have watched and loved it! so I thought that was really cool!

6. The "tender moments" the moments between Sangwoo and Yoon Bum, where he is being nice to him, taking care of him, tending to his wounds and all that. I realize was manipulation tactics for Yoon Bum to stay with Sangwoo. This part messed me up, because I found those moments to be very sweet, while at the same time I had to remind myself, "this is toxic, he is using him for his own gratification." which is also very heartbreaking to me.

Sangwoo and Bum's relationship reminds me a lot of Beecher and Keller's relationship from OZ. On many many levels which is crazy because I love those actors who play those very messed up characters as well.

However, when it comes to Yoon Bum and Sangwoo, I know there are many people who ship this two together. But, without dumping on anyone, I personally do not ship them together because I see Killing Stalking for what it really is and what it was meant to be in the beginning.

Which is a cautionary tale of what can happen when mental illness and trauma of any kind does not get resolved and worked through by going to therapy and working on yourself. And I do hope that someday, Koogi gets her dream of having Killing Stalking become an animated series or something of that nature. I would definitely watch it for that reason, the person who was in the middle of animating it stopped due to not having enough funds which kills me! Because the animation was AMAZING!

So with the story ending as it did, I think at some point down the line I will be writing, playing with these two characters. In a fanfiction, that is going to heavily deviate from the toxicity and try my hand at what I think their relationship would look like if they actually got their shit together and seeing what a healthy relationship with these two would look like and how they navigate through the mess that happened between them.

I not sure how this will be done yet, but the idea is been floating around in my head for a while since reading this story. So if you want to read it when I start doing this then you are more than welcome to.

If not thats cool too either way, this story will be written because I do believe these two deserve a much better ending. However, they did promise each other that if one of them was to die, the other would follow suit.

so do I believe that Bum is dead? well, that remains to be seen we shall never know from the manga. But part of me doesn't want to believe that he is but, with how lost Bum looked and felt another part of me thinks he kept the promise.

I also realize that there is foreshadowing of what would happen to Bum during the taxi ride to the hospital when the driver tells him,

"Standing in the middle of the road like that is just asking for an accident."

That's just my thoughts on this crazy, amazing story. Do I recommend it? YES. 100000% for only those who enjoy a good psychological thriller story. it is worth the read.

#killing stalking #yoon bum #Sangwoo #manwha #manhwa recommendation

[mosraev]

Lyrics through the decade 3/10

I've decided to collect all the songs I've made through the last decade and share my favourite snippets with you guys. The pictures for the backgrounds will (as much as possible) be pictures I've taken the same year as the lyrics were written. The full lyrics may or may not be made official someday.

Part 3; 2015

Being the first full year I had been writing songs and the year I took one semester on what I now call my summer camp, this was a very productive year for songs. Well, it was a productive year for lyrics, I actually did only finish half of the songs I started. My lyrics became a little less angry overall and focused more on storytelling.

More info under the line

Stay creative, my fellow foxes 🦊💚

Song 1 (pic1); Pyriphlegeton.

A song named after the greek myth of the flood of fire in the underworld keeping the tormented standing so they can endure more pain, this is a song where I've taken the perspective of a woman with an undefined mental illness. Some lines however can be read through a trans lens. Fun fact: I rapped the verses on this. No I am not kidding (also I am not a rapper)

Featured lyrics:

Heartache! Her ribcage's a cage of a prison.

She's searching so hard for the brick life's missing.

Honorable mention;

She blames herself for going insane.

When all that she need is a shoulder to cry on,

Instead she chokes on water from Pyriphlegethon.

Song 2 (pic2); Icebirds

This is a fun one in that I made it as a sort of theme song for a novel length story I was writing about a boy that lived in a world where people got their mind wiped in they stepped out of line (or what he later learn is actually a brainfog repressing your memories and identity). So while the lyrics could be taken as a queer metaphor in context it is more litteral. I didn't finish either the story or the song however.

Featured lyric:

Out of the fog, clear reality to face.

How much of myself have ignorance erased?

Song 3 (pic3); Tidal Wave/Party Wave

One of the few times that I tried to write a party song. This was strange since I wrote as a typical Dane that drinks and loves parties (which I don't) but I do love this line a lot

Featured lyric:

The floor's alive with every beat.

We're the beating heart's arteries.

Song 4 (pic4); the Rabbit and the Turtle

One of the few songs with no real perspective character, instead it is about the passing of time and the ambivalent feeling I have about time in general.

Featured lyric:

today's struggles are in tomorrow's past.

Song 5 (pic5); Shout Out

A song I wrote as a tribute to the friends I've gotten in the three years of highschool (although some of the experiences mentioned go back to middleschool). One of the earlier examples of me using my own experiences in a song.

Featured lyric:

Where everyday it's a chapter, at dawn begins a new [chapter].

Song 6 (pic6); Fair Little Muse

In this song I take the perspective of a lover feeling something is wrong with their partner but not knowing what or how to communicate their worry. It is very flowery/artsy which is fitting since the muse part is inspired by the muses of greek mythology.

Featured lyric:

((Extended)) Your thoughts are roses, wild in bloom.

Are they midnight black or are they twilight blue?

While roses they wither, evergreen remains.

And snowdrops bear promises of better days.

Song 7 (pic7); Mirror on the Wall v. 2

This is a special case since it is a song that actually have two versions; one was very personal and read like a diary (version 1) and then there's one taking the perspective of a girl and a boy both having body image issues thereby depersonalising the story (version 2). And yet this line is so raw and trans coded that I cannot help but love it. I never finished this song.

Featured lyric:

Mirror on the wall, hear it smash against the floor.

I feel so wasted [and] lost in my own skin.

((Extended)) [in] this body I'm living in.

Song 8 (pic8); Mixtape

I had an idea of writing a song about two people sharing memories through their dedication to music (possibly because I was at a music camp around this time). I never finished the song but I like this first part.

Featured lyric:

I’ve made you a mixtape to soundtrack your wasted youth.

All your favorite songs are on it 'cause they’re mine too.

#lyrics #2015 #pyriplhegeton #icebirds #tidal wave party wave #shout out #the rabbit and the turtle #fair little muse #mirror on the wall #mirror on the wall2 #mixtape #mosraev #mosræv

[astraltrickster]

Something that I think a lot of people who have never experienced it don't understand about disability - and something that I'd love to portray/see portrayed more in writing - is not just how common it is to think that a symptom is something everyone experiences until they've had that symptom for years (I didn't realize I was actually diagnosably hypermobile until last month because in hindsight my mother is OBVIOUSLY the one I got it from and she was always convinced that she was THE definition of average flexibility and she was very much not), but also exactly HOW the mindset shift works, and how it does and does not affect your body, when you go from thinking something is just an unpleasant but NORMAL thing to realizing it's probably a case of Problems Disorder.

Physically speaking, my lifelong pain and joint instability has not gotten worse since realizing I have a Beighton score of 7, when 5 or higher in an adult indicates a probable hypermobility spectrum disorder (and lower doesn't even rule one out) (the maximum score is 9). Nothing has changed in that regard. My joints do not slip more than they used to. They don't really hurt more than they used to - I think about it a little more, but I can be distracted from it just as easily.

However, something DID very abruptly get worse when I found that out: fatigue.

Why?

Because being AWARE that those moments when my joints slip are Not Normal, being AWARE of how every time my knee hyperextends and I jolt forward is a serious injury for someone else even if it doesn't hurt me at all THIS time, being AWARE that sudden knee and ankle pain when I just take a "normal" step apparently sometimes happens for a damned good reason, being AWARE that some of the muscle cramps I get after a long day are very likely the result of my body fighting to keep all my parts where they're supposed to be...that shit is EXHAUSTING.

And yet. And yet. As someone who has been through this before, I know it will go away and I'll have my usual endurance again (if not better when I get more help minimizing the excess energy drain of keeping myself in one piece!) in a few months at most, because I can't just stay here THINKING about it forever. Even if and when I get a diagnosis for sure (which is gonna be fun since a lot of evidence points to EDS, which I know many doctors do not take seriously at all)...as much as abled people think "recognizing that you have a disability and may need to adapt things at all" is ~obsessing~ over it and ~limiting yourself~, no, eventually that fades into the background and things like "okay so if everyone else is doing X and I can't do that let's see what I can use to do Y to achieve the same end" just become second nature. It's just Our Normal. (Which also translates to meaning that if we WERE as "obsessed" with our disabilities and inaccessibility as abled people think we are, we'd be EVEN angrier about systemic inaccessibility than we already are, so maybe you should be a little more grateful for the impressive adaptability of the human animal because without that adaptability you'd be hearing a LOT MORE complaints and a LOT more of them would probably involve beating you with mobility aids for being obstinate jackasses!)

I wish I knew how to illustrate this more in writing, and I really want to see this kind of thing written about by others more, because it's an experience I've had many times, and heard about from others even more times, and yet rarely see actually written about except in the form of personal essays like this.

#disability #writing

[samthecookielord]

💘 (Assuming we can get the characters access to multiverse internet) How do you feel about the Chocolate Guy, Amaury Guichon?

1 says: "After seeing some of his work, I must say I'm quite impressed. I may not be a chocolatier, but I can tell just how much precision and effort must've went into building these intricate and detailed designs, with a fragile material even."

2 says: "oh yeah that guy oeace on earth love it when he shows up on my tumblr dash and im like yo whatcha got for us this time o chocolatey one. except now i CANT see him because THIS GUY doesnt even HAVE A TUMBLR literally outrageous i have to go ask his friend (in quotation marks) for a tumblr dash to look at"

1 says: "And let you have the upper hand by telling you? I don't think so."

2 says: "shrimp🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐🦐FTW!!!!YEAH WOO LETS GO SHIRMP!!!!!!"

1 says: "Though exploring both is very tempting to me, I do have a bias for outer space, as indicated by one of my earlier responses."

2 says: "WA. ON one hand......thers shimp in tha sea.....BUT...... space is so swag cool......................girl idk im hypothetically exploring both baybee you cant stop me im already doing it in my brain get naed"

(tourney post)

Previous answers:

1 said (R1:M5) - Q: "amogus" - A: "Interesting invention of language. I'd like to study you."

1 said (R2:M3) - Q: "What would be your dream job? Specifically, if it could be literally anything, even if it would be impossible." - A: "I have a few ideas. I suppose you'll want to hear my most interesting one, yes? Well, a dream job for me would be to lead in an intergalactic expedition. So many new frontiers to discover... And I'd love to see it with my own eyes."

1 said (R3:M2) - Q: "what is the most Mediocre color in your opinion?" - A: "Hm. Mediocre? Personally, I don't really see any perceived wavelength of light as 'mediocre'. So many wonders of science in these hues..."

1 said (R4:M1) - Q: "I probably asked this before but thats okay new set of people would you smooch a ghost" - A: "Hm. This answer may not resonate very well with you, but I do not believe in the existence of ghosts. However, speaking in a hypothetical situation in which imaginary concepts may exist... Perhaps I may, as you say, 'smooch a ghost'. It would depend on many factors though. Is the ghost hostile? Is the ghost a complete stranger or someone I may recognize? Is the ghost from present day or centuries old? Does the ghost want to interact with me? Did the ghost ask me first? I could be asking questions all day."

1 said (R4:M1) - Q: "Say something nice about yourself :]" - A: "For starters, I've created many impressive machines in the last few years. [insert list of them here because i cant be bothered to actually come up with any rn lol] Plus, I was a top student in practically all subjects back in the day. My husband and I are also currently working on the blueprints for something big... but I won't spoil the surprise."

---

2 said (R1:M10) - Q: "what’s your ideal burger" - A: "BURGER ! ! ! YEAW !! ! ! ! !! !!!!! ideal burger is made by the friends we made along the way"

2 said (R2:M5) - Q: "how do you feel about shapeshifters" - A: "damn that would be so swag gender. well i can kinda do that but not rlly its not like im actually shifting my shape im just like hey looking at me im tricking (like the hit game) this michaelwave or whatever lolll"

2 said (R3:M3) - Q: "Opinions on nicknames? Do you like giving them? Receiving them? Have you gotten any that stand out to you? Would you like to get more or less?" - A: "DUDE NICKNAMSE ARE LIKE. MY BRAND. i better win this one guys cmon my nickname swag is sooooo cool awesome sauce. one of my BESTIES gives me a REALLY SWAG NICKNAME its [REDACTED] oh wait i guess im not allowed to say that or else itll like ruin my anonyminity or whatever 🙄🙄 ok be that way. as if im not obvious already 🙄 cuz im just so iconic 🙄 whatever im changing this guy's contact names again"

2 said (R4:M2) - Q: "if you were a pokemon what type(s) would you be" - A: "electric/ghost baybeee. just like rotom fr :] peace on earth <3 id be like one of those silly regional evolutions probably (trust me this makes sense if you know my silly weird backstory)"

2 said (R4:M2) - Q: "What's your favourite thing about yourself?" - A: "my SWAG and COOLNESS im litearlly so hot and amazing and hilarious ooo you wanna kiss me so bad ooo"

#asks #sam oc blind date tourney 2

[judasisgayriot]

🎸💞 Hey, I hope it's okay to send you something kinda... personal/venty related to FOB?

I think I mentioned that I listen to and like their music, they've just always been (pre-your blog!) one of those bands you enjoy but don't look much deeper into. So American Beauty/American Psycho had just come out and I'd just gotten my first smart phone capable of running Spotify. I'm very shy and my best friend had dragged me to a party with her theatre friends (extremely NOT my scene but I wanted to support her.) I got a drunk and announced to everyone that FOB had a new album and I was going to play it loudly from my phone, come dance with me! (*head in my hands* OMG, I'm cringing 😂...) Surprise surprise, none of them wanted to, lol. I announced it a few more times while the album played, singing along loudly to Centuries on my own. Eventually, my friend came and took my arm in front of everyone and said I should give it up because the songs were shit anyway. I was so embarrassed and it left me feeling really sad.

 It probably sounds stupid, but because of that experience, I had this sad/bad association with the album, so I stopped listening to it. Every time I thought about playing it, I would just (1) cringe at what an ass I made of myself in front of her friends and (2) feel bitter about her "betrayal" (lol) saying the songs were shit (especially because, a few months later, she started listening to that album!!! Not so shit anymore, huh?!)

However, I think I have a happy ending :) I've been thinking of sending you this message for a while, because I do genuinely believe you'll care. While I've been typing this, I've had the album playing for the first time in years. (It's awesome!!) Writing this was therapeutic, and I think nine years is enough time for me to get over this extremely silly and not even that bad thing 😉

Thank you for reading this!

Hi!!

Awww thanks for telling me this, it might sound silly when you look back on it but stuff like that really can affect how you feel about something, like I can see how that left you feeling tainted about the whole thing…(that’s shitty by the way, and if they couldn’t recognise that ABAP is a MASTERPIECE of an album… smh lol)

And you’re right I do care!! and I think it’s super cool that you’ve revisited it and feel better about it now and if my silly blogging made that partially possible that’s so awesome haha. I’ve genuinely loved hearing about your FOB journey as I’m going on my own descent into madness about this band that I’ve loved for a long time but never been this insane about until last year haha

I keep being like sorry I involuntarily dragged you into this with me lol but also I’m happy if it helped you do some healing from past cringe haha! I say embrace the cringe, embrace the madness, embrace the LOVE and the LORE and keep letting me know your reactions to it all 💖💖💖💖💖💖

#covert fob anon #asks #i love this love u anon YES TO YOUR OWN HEALING TOUR. WHICH IS MY BLOG APPARENTLY. I FEEL SO HONOURED #i don’t feel like part of foblr lol I feel like an interloper but. I’m doing some important work 😭😂💖 #(yes it is also extremely silly for me to essentially have imposter syndrome abt being part of a tumblr band fandom. lol) #FALL OUT BOY FOREVER AND ABAP FOREVER AND U ANON FOREVER AND UH. ME.

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

hi so ive been feeling like absolute shit lately/constantly crying and id just like to request a soft!werewolf billy, take this however you want just something soft and caring pls

i love your writing sm x

Say less baby, I gotchu

Keep Me Warm

A werewolf!Billy Russo comfort story.

You're buried layers deep in blankets when Billy finally finds you. His nose twitches, frowning at the acrid scent of despair permeating your apartment. He doesn't say anything, nosing his way under each layer, until he finally comes upon you. His heart cracks at your red, watery eyes. You've got a box of tissues beside you and one pressed to your nose.

"Baby?" He asks soothingly, "Did something happen?"

He watches you sniffle and shake your head.

"Too much, too many things, want it to stop, Billy. Please, make it stop."

Billy nods in understanding.

"How about some self care? A bath? A meal?"

You hiccup a sob.

"You don't have to do that for me. I don't deserve-"

You break out into tears, and he leans closer to press his face to yours. He pulls your shirt to the side and places his lips to your mark soothingly, hoping to encourage you to relax.

"Shh, shh shh shhh, princess, you're alright, I've got you. That's it," he kisses your mark again, "deep breaths."

When you stop crying, he pulls back to smile at you.

"Take a bath with me?"

You think for a moment before nodding. He grins and pulls away.

You can hear him moving about, starting to fill the large tub he'd gifted you last year. You hear all sorts of shuffling, the click of a lighter, the shake of what you assume are bath salts, among other noises.

When he finally noses back into your cocoon, he's smiling excitedly.

"Ready?" He says raising the blankets a little. You mewl in protest.

"The light-"

"No light, princess, I made it dark for you."

He peels the blankets off your skin and you're comforted to find that your room is dark. He'd tossed thick blankets over your windows to stop the light from coming in. He'd also lit a few candles so that you could see everything well enough not to bump into it.

"So beautiful, princess, why don't you get in, I made sure the water is nice and warm for you."

Your stomach flips, and you smile. He's decorated the area to make it as soothing as possible, even going as far as to have a glass of wine poured for you. You almost choke up at the thought of such a powerful man, doting on insignificant, you.

You strip slowly and get it, loving the warm water on your skin. He's entering the room a few moments later.

"Thank you, Billy." You say, smiling up at him.

He kisses you on the forehead.

"Want me with you? You can say no, I'll sit right here, or i can get lost if you want-"

You shake your head.

"With me." You say simply, and you watch as he tugs his clothes off in one sweep, dipping in behind you and pulling your body back onto his.

You stiffen as you feel his erection on your behind.

"Ignore him, he doesn't know how to read a room."

It's the first genuine laugh you make in a while, and Billy can't help but laugh with you.

"Seriously, I've gotten some awkward boners. One time, i got hard in the barracks, and everyone thought I was into the captain, which was insane because he's not even that hot."

You giggle again, resting your cheek against his chest.

"Another time, we were mid exercise, and I had to use my gun to cover my dick and Frank was laughing at me."

You feel his chin rest on your head and with his arms and the warm water around you, you think this is better than any depression burrito you could have made.

You both stay there for a while, in the darkness and heat of the tub in silence, until the water chills and you let out a small shiver.

He helps you out, and wraps you in a robe, before scooping you up like you weigh nothing. You sigh in bliss as he places you down on what you realise is a fresh mound of sheets.

"Sorry, yeah, changed your sheets. Old ones smelt like sad."

You smile up at him as he helps you dry off and dresses you. He gets himself a shirt and a pair of boxers and slides into his side of the bed beside you. His arms pull you snug to his warm body, he presses his nose to your mark.

"I love you so fucking much, princess. I'll always be here."

He kisses your mark.

"When you're up to it, we can go get some food. But right now, i just want to hold you."

Your mouth curves up, and you turn toward him to kiss his mark, a low rumble leaving his chest.

You could maybe get used to this.

#ask #werewolf! billy russo #werewolf!Russo #werewolf billy russo #monster!billy

[teklarn]

hi, this is my first ever ask so I'm not sure I'm doing this correctly, if that's the case I'm sorry; I don't know how tumblr works just yet >:')

would it be possible for you to write something about bakugo, pining incredibly hard for fem!reader and initially hating how strongly he feels about her? because they're not even friends, they only exchange few words occasionally and she doesn't even glance at his way whereas he slowly finds himself unable to divert his eyes from her during classes? shes always with damn deku and his friends and doesn't even seem interested in him at all but his heart can't ignore the way she looks at him proudly whenever they spar together, the way she sends him small confident smiles as they fight each other with all they have; so he thinks that maybe, maybe he might have a chance. basically bakugo liking reader so much he's completely lost in self-hatred because he always thought feelings were for weak romantics and not great people like him, but everytime he sees reader doing some badass things (again, like sparring with him and basically matching his skills etc...) he's reminded of how badly he likes reader? but when he finally accepts he's fallen for reader, after ignoring and trying to forget about how she makes him feel, he masters up the courage to confess? and it's a very clumsy confession because he's awkward and has no idea how to deal with those feelings? and he tries so hard to make reader realise he's never been more serious than now? and reader is startled and speechless before rejecting him? and at that point he's just completely humiliated, so he nods and walks away.

it might be a little dramatic but I've always been into unrequited love and one-sided pining. thank you, its okay if you don't want to write about this, i'll understand <33

𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓽𝓪𝓵 - 𝓴. 𝓫𝓪𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓸𝓾

character(s): katsuki bakugou x fem!reader (my hero academia) 

reblogs are greatly appreciated! 

a/n: AHHHHH this is so cute <33 honestly this is super exciting for me and this ask made me so happy, lovey. i’m fairly new to tumblr, i’m usually just a reader but i wanted to migrate here from wattpad so this made me so happy. here u are my love <33 i hope this lives up to what u wanted !! :)) a bit lengthy, but i had a lot of fun writing it !!! 

summary: bakugou finds he’s rejecting his feelings for you in fear of becoming weak, however he just can’t seem to ignore you. 

genre: fluffy, fluffier than the clouds istg, however the clouds are sprinking a little teeny weeny droplet of angst. 

warnings: cursing (bakugou, duhh), one-sided pining (on bakugou’s part) second hand embarrassment (on bakugou’s part bc we can all agree he’s a complete idiot when it comes to trying to get someone’s attention), just bakugou being a jackass, i gave the reader a quirk 

word count: 3,859 

(pls excuse any typos or mistakes, i edited to the best of my ability but i miss some things sometimes !) 

- - - 

part 2 is here my loves <3

brutal. it was utterly ruthless. he couldn’t focus, couldn’t think right. his hands were already exceptionally sweaty, but gosh when he saw your damn face, he was ready to explode. literally. 

what the hell was it about you? was it your stupid smile? or the way you just seemed to carry every battle on your back? was it all the undeniably sweet things you do for others ‘just because’? 

it made him angry that he thought about you, but gosh he couldn’t wait to see you every day. 

just like any other day, bakugou found himself staring at the large door to the classroom, awaiting the moment you would bounce into his day, skirt shifting around your legs, bag slung loosely around your shoulders. 

his leg was bouncing eagerly. 

bakugou didn’t know when the feelings came. his cheeks just started flaring up all of a sudden and one day you just looked...different. you hadn’t done anything different to yourself. it was just him. not that he would ever admit that, to you or anybody else. 

you were insufferable. you were stupid and obnoxious and so...so damn... 

“y/n! come look at this!” 

you’d come walking into class just as expected, and as soon as you did, that stupid nerd had called you over. 

it didn’t help that deku sat right behind him, either. the two of you had recently gotten closer. bakugou noticed it last month when he yelled at the two of you to shut up about all might and get to work. he’d turned around to find you leaning over deku, hands resting on his shoulders while you peered at his phone. 

“sorry, bakugou,” you’d said, barely acknowledging him. you had waved him off like an annoying fly. is that all you were to him? some nuisance that got in the way of your oh-so-entertaining conversations with deku? 

all he heard nearly every day was your chipper voice talking to deku. always, “oh my gosh, midoriya, did you see the fight edgeshot was in last night?” or “midoriya! i have something to add to our quirk analysis book!” 

that was the one that took the cake. you two dorks shared a notebook, occasionally passed between one another, and filled it with junk about quirks and pro heroes. but no matter how much he tried to tune you out, no matter how he tried to zone off and think about something else, you were always there. it made him want to vomit how much he thought about you. 

you were doing an adorable shuffle over to midoriya’s desk and leaned over the table as you usually did while he angled his phone your way. “did you see this hero report?” 

deku let you slip the phone out of his grasp to get a better look. 

“no,” you breathed. “was this just recent?” 

“yeah,” deku said, taking the phone back. “last night.” 

“holy—” 

“can you guys shut up over there?” bakugou said, his voice quaking. 

“sorry, kacchan.” deku scrolled through the article. 

dammit, bakugou thought. “i wasn’t talking to you, nerd. i was talking to shitface over here.” he jerked his head towards you. his eyes flared in anger when he saw you were looking down at your phone, now focused in on the article yourself. “i was talking to you, asshat!” 

your eyes flicked up to his. you looked around for a moment before slowly pointing to yourself as if to say, “me?” 

his face scrunched. “yeah, you. you’re so damn loud.” gosh, he hated how his voice was cracking, how he could feel his ears and cheeks lighting up in a swollen, cherry red. his stomach flipped. 

she’s looking at you, gosh i’m sweating. i’m going to throw up. she’s so gorgeous. what the hell? they’re ugly as shit, i don’t think anything of them. 

his eyes bore into yours. 

“did you...need something?” 

your voice broke his trance. 

“kacchan, are you okay? you dozed off there for a second. you look like you’re burning up.” 

bakugou looked to deku who was currently stretching out of his seat, arm extended. he pressed the back of his hand to bakugou’s forehead. “you’re really warm, kacchan. should we call recovery girl?” 

it took him a moment to realize what was happening. his vision got blurry every time he was with you. bakugou smacked deku’s hand away. “i’m fine!” his voice lifted at the end, cracking. “i’m not sick. don’t you think i’d take better care of myself?” 

“i don’t doubt you take good care of yourself, kacchan, but everyone gets sick once in a while. there’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“i never get sick!” besides, if i got sick, i wouldn’t want you to be the one taking care of me. 

he was still pissed. he was always in a bad mood, however, more so right now because you’d gone straight back to your phone and that stupid hero article that was supposedly so damn interesting. 

soon enough, the bell rang, and you were seated at your desk. it was jirou’s old spot, however, after much convincing, you two had switched spots so you could be closer to deku. just a few months of getting close to the idiot and you two are suddenly best friends. jirou hadn’t minded one tiny bit, claiming she needed a break from how loud that section of the room was. 

late as always, aizawa came trudging into your room. thankfully, his entire body wasn’t obscured by a yellow sleeping bag that smelled of something unwashed and coffee and gasoline. (for some reason, aizawa’s clothes always smelled of it.) 

“lucky for you,” he began while shuffling papers on his desk, “all of you are doing training for these first periods.”

the class cheered in perfect unison, followed by their individual chatter. you had erupted with glee along with them, and bakugou was sure he felt his heart clench and then explode. just a tiny bit. but he shoved the feeling down just as quickly as it had come up. 

“go out to the field and wait for further instructions. don’t make a sound in the halls otherwise, i’ll expel all of you.” 

this shut everyone up in almost a second, the sound draining out just as water does. the first years trailed out into the hall, single-file mimicking the positions baby ducklings would take when following their mother. 

bakugou found himself walking faster when he saw you take up your spot in the line, hoping to land his spot right behind you. 

unfortunately, this idiot who considered himself bakugou’s friend tugged him back. “bakugou!” a familiar voice rasped. 

“shitty hair, let go of me.” 

“hey man, chill out. wanna partner up if we’re doing training in pairs?” 

bakugou glanced at the line, the spot that should have been reserved for him now taken up by sato. 

bakugou tugged his sleeve from kirishima’s hand. “whatever,” he snapped. 

“sounds good!” kirishima flashed him a toothy grin and a thumbs-up. the bubbly feeling in bakugou’s chest died down as he stood behind sato, the overwhelming scent of sugar filling his nose, various candies that would go straight to your arteries. 

“you smell like ass, damn,” bakugou remarked, squeezing his nostrils together. 

luckily, sato was tall enough to not hear the insult, as he towered over bakugou by just another head. the line began moving like a sloppy train down to the change rooms. 

bakugou scoffed as he listened to your giggle. he should be making you laugh. 

- 

“you’ll be given partners randomly from this box.” aizawa held up a familiar red box. “inside are all your names. i’ll select one, then that person will come up and pick another name from the box. that will be your assigned partner for today. as soon as you have your assigned partner, i want you guys to get straight to work.” 

denki raised a hand, speaking before being called on. “sensei, why are we getting random partners? we’re always allowed to choose.” 

“in the real world, you’re going to come across different villains every day. you’ll never improve your skills or your quirks if you keep fighting the same person.” 

denki sighed, slumping back. 

dammit, bakugou thought, gritting his teeth together. there wasn’t any way he wanted to be partners with you. it’s obvious he’d win the fight in the first few seconds. 

yes! exactly right! bakugou internally grinned. his fluctuating feelings had finally soothed themselves. you were just another extra, and he had no room for you in his head. 

aizawa took a moment to fiddle with the slips of paper inside the box. soon enough, he pulled out a name. “todoroki.” 

todoroki walked up, digging his hand into the box when aizawa held it out for him. he pulled out a name, delicately unraveling the slip. “uraraka, you’re my partner.” he deadpanned. 

the brunette grinned. “great!” 

the two found their own spot on the field, and the class’s attention was once again diverted to their grouchy teacher as he pulled out another name. 

“bakugou.” 

bakugou strutted up without a worry in his mind. he pulled a name to find... 

“y/n,” he said, voice a low growl. instead of the annoying fluttering in his chest, his eyes met yours, and they were filled with a different, new ferocity. he crumpled the paper in one hand, letting it twirl to the ground. 

you looked at him, unsmiling. your eyes gave away nothing, and to bakugou’s knowledge, all you saw in him was another opponent. 

it took him a moment to realize you had both locked eyes for about a minute. perhaps the two of you would have stayed as you were if aizawa hadn’t snapped at the two of you to get moving as yaomomo’s name was called. 

bakugou was on his way to the back of the field, you followed close behind. while there was plenty of room still, he chose a secluded area. while it was still open enough to view everything going on so nobody got hurt, it was often nobody chose to train here. for whatever reason, you weren’t sure. 

“wait up, bakugou,” you said. after a bit, you caught up to him. 

“if you can’t keep up, then...” then what? he looked at you from the side of his eye. “then don’t keep up...” gosh, here came the embarrassing, disgusting feeling of redness in his cheeks. 

you laughed. “what?” 

“shut up.” 

“you’re an idiot, bakugou.” 

“i said shut the hell up!”

“what, so you can call me shitface in front of the entire class but you get all pissed when i call you an idiot?” 

so you had heard him! 

he tongued his cheek, curling his hands around an invisible ball, explosions sparking in the centers of his palms. “don’t expect me to hold back, dumbass.” 

“i wouldn’t dream of it.” 

gosh he loved that about you. 

bakugou caught his thought in the air. 

ahem...gosh he hated that about you. 

you both charged in at the same time. his cry was louder than yours, but you struck first. 

he admired your quirk. while he’d overhead you explaining all the drawbacks it had, it was strong, and you were strong because you knew how to control it. 

purple arrows flew from your arms, going in your desired directions. if you lost focus for one moment, they’d vanish and weaken. if you focused too hard or long, you’d be plagued by a splitting headache. 

he’d spent too much time obsessing over your strengths and weaknesses.  

your arrows were weightless, however they were solid objects capable of carrying any mass, any thing, and worked as extensions of your body. 

the violet arrow had shot out at him, twisting around his right gauntlet and crushing inwards. it’d snaked around him without him noticing, slithering along his back. 

bakugou struggled to get the air-light arrow off his wrist, but it was no use. he glared back, only to see your focused, furrowed brows. he’d expected to see your cocky ass smiling. it was nice to see you weren’t. 

that was one thing that had also caught his eye. you never underestimate your opponent, but you never underestimate yourself, either. 

you conjured a larger arrow. it snaked around your right arm as you hurled bakugou into the air, releasing your grasp on him. you shot your other arrow into the air, and it raced into the sky. 

it swerved. bakugou’s eyes went wide as the tip of the arrow came down on his chest. if they weren’t intangible things, he would have been bleeding out. 

another drawback: the arrows, while they could solidify, they couldn’t do any actual damage. you had to use your surroundings to inflict harm on your opponent. 

he coughed out as the arrow shot him into the ground. he hadn’t even touched you, and here he was, vulnerable and so...so... 

you stood over him, hands on your hips. 

vulnerable and so lost in that adorable, winning smile. 

“get away from me, idiot,” he grunted and turned onto his side, his back crying out in pain. 

“i think i won this fight, bakugou,” you chirped, rocking on your heels. 

“don’t get arrogant, shithead. you won’t be winning against me anymore.” 

you grinned, arrows shooting out behind your back. 

- 

the dorms were exceptionally quiet. you were typing away in the common room, bakugou on the couch reading. everyone was off doing something else. it was the weekend, luckily. he’d expected you to go bounding out with everyone else, however you’d stayed back, claiming you had some homework to catch up on. 

bakugou being classic bakugou had stayed back. he was excited to have the dorm to himself, but your dumbass was stuck here with him. couldn’t you have done your typing in your room? 

you were so aggressive on that poor keyboard. 

“oi, quiet down with your shit typing.” 

you barely grunted in response. 

“don’t ignore me.” 

“i heard you, mom.” 

“the hell did you call me?” 

no response. only your aggressive typing is a bit less aggressive. 

“i can still hear it,” bakugou remarked, eyes fixed on your back. 

“‘kay,” you said. your typing slowed a tad, and your pressure on the keys lessened. 

it was quiet now. bakugou should go back to his book. he shouldn’t still be looking for a reason to talk to you. 

the pages crinkled in his fingers. he bit his tongue, keeping his snarky comments in. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that? doing your damn homework. it’s due tomorrow.” 

you turned, pursing your lips. “and how would you know what i’m working on? are you stalking me?” 

“i- what? no. you’re such an idiot, of course i’m not—” 

“i’m messing with you,” you breathed, face un-moving. 

“o-oh,” bakugou stuttered out. he blinked awkwardly. 

“gosh, what’s gotten your panties in a twist?” 

“you’re annoying.” 

“you’re a jackass.” you returned to your work. bakugou settled with reading in his room. reading consisted of jumping onto his bed just as the stereotypical high school girl would in an eighties movie. he buried his face in his pillow, face burning bright red. he cursed you for making him feel this way, and hated himself even more for how much he enjoyed it. 

- 

the next day came swiftly. you’d left early to go train with midoriya. there were many improvements needed to be made, but you weren’t doing too bad.

you propelled yourself forwards with an arrow, and your green-haired friend shot back, lightning flickering around his body. 

landing back on the ground, you panted and swiped the sweat from your brow. from the corner of your eye, you could make out both kirishima and bakugou coming to the training grounds. 

bakugou stopped in his tracks, frowning at the sight of you. 

it was evident he hated you a bit more than everyone else. he was always making his annoying comments, he was always snubbing you. you saw no reason to talk to him, so you didn’t. either way, even if you tried, he would still get angry for no reason. 

it’d taken you quite some time to get used to his obnoxious attitude. tuning him out had been the best course of action, in your opinion. 

the way you and midoriya had bonded was through bakugou, in a way. the first day of school, bakugou had snapped at you for tripping over your laces and nearly crashing into him. later that day, midoriya had stepped up and apologized for his old friend’s actions. 

you two had never been too close until now. the recent incidents going on with the league of villains had snagged your attention, and it seemed you were the only person who didn’t mind listening to him ramble on about heroes. 

you were just as passionate and just as dorky, but midoriya could talk your ear off. you never minded, and he always took the hint when you didn’t want to listen. 

you brought your leg up, twirling in the air with ease and watched your heel collide with midoriya’s face. he grunted, stumbling back. 

you were about to charge in again when a hand landed on your shoulder, big and rough. you turned to see bakugou standing behind you, a scowl on his face. 

“fight me again,” he demanded. 

“excuse me?” 

“don’t act like you didn’t hear me.” 

“i’m in the middle of fighting midoriya right now.” 

“so?”

“so if you think that i’m just going to ditch my friend because you want to fight, i won’t.” 

“you’re being stubborn.” 

“i’m being reasonable. back off.” 

“y/n?” midoriya rubbed his jaw—right where you had struck him. “what’s going on?” he jogged up to you and bakugou. 

“he wants to fight me in the middle of our fight. it’s nothing serious. don’t worry about it, midoriya. let’s just ignore him.” 

bakugou made a sound someone would only make if they were choking. “the hell did you just say?” 

“we’re ignoring you!” you waved him off and placed your hand on midoriya’s shoulder, wandering away. 

-

it was new to him, not getting what he wanted. and what he wanted right now was to be around you. again, it wasn’t like he would ever admit that to himself. 

“dude? you good? i thought you went off to fight y/n. i was so ready to cheer you on, dude,” kirishima’s chipper voice piped in. “she’s not fighting with you? why not?” 

“the dumbass was just probably scared of getting her ass beat by me.” 

“dude...that sounds really weird.” 

“whatever, shitty hair. let’s go.” 

- 

the clock ticked. his ears were on fire. again. 

gosh, it was happening again. it was all you. his face scrunched up, his voice would surely crack if someone were to ask him what was wrong. 

bakugou was once again stuffing his face in his pillow, hiding his expression from no one. why did you have to go train with that shitty nerd? why were you always around deku? deku, of all people. what did he have? why was he so great? 

bakugou was a man of many insecurities, but losing to deku? that was possibly his biggest fear. 

perhaps he wasn’t the nicest, or the most soft person out there. bakugou could admit that, at least. but he was smarter than deku. he was stronger and he was better and people liked him more. right? 

what was so...amazing about deku? 

it was often bakugou would find himself obsessing over little, insignificant things such as these. 

you were what he was thinking of most of the time. just yesterday, he’d gotten a test returned. he was expecting an eighty at the lowest, but more so expecting a high ninety. it’d come back exactly sixty percent. 

sixty. percent.

bakugou vividly remembered staring at your face. he also remembered not being able to focus because of it. his grades were dropping because of you. 

you were the only person to be able to do this to him. 

his heart grew quiet, but the pounding of his didn’t cease. he lifted his head. 

“alright, fine,” he said aloud. “you win, y/n. you win.” 

he settled with getting over his feelings the way he’d read them in his collection of romance manga. 

bakugou left his room and knocked on your door. (he was banging on it, but it was his nice way of knocking.) 

you answered, looking around awkwardly. “yes?” 

his hands shook. how was this supposed to go? sure, he’d seen it in romance movies and read it in books but it was always easy to tell whether the guy would get the girl or not. 

in this instance, bakugou was clueless. for once in his life, he was clueless. you stood, tapping your foot with a hand on your hip, waiting expectantly for him to tell you why he was here. 

“um.” he scratched behind his neck. “you uh- i uh...i’m sorry i called you a, um...a shitface.” 

“okay? is that it?” 

what? come on! it was already unlike him to apologize. what else did you want from him? 

“did you...i’ve been thinking, maybe? maybe we could..train together as...friends?”  

“...what?” 

gosh dammit, as friends? 

“whatever, um...the uh...” oh gosh, what did the boys do in all the books he’d read? right! bakugou stretched out his arm, resting his forearm on the door, leaning to the side. 

although he didn’t, really, because like the clumsy jackass he was, bakugou missed completely and nearly toppled to the floor. 

this earned a snicker from you. 

his stomach flipped and churned, and bakugou found himself unable to reach your eyes. “uh, would you maybe..? okay, um. do you want to go on a date with me? you absolute fucking dumbass.” 

your eyes flew wide. “...what?” 

“no, that’s not what i— i mean i didn’t mean the last part. um, i meant the first part. the first two parts. the part where i was asking you if you wanted to go on a date with me and then before that when i said maybe because it’s still a maybe until you say yes. or...or no because that’s an option too.” 

he swallowed. 

you resisted the urge to mock him, just a little bit. “um, bakugou, listen.” 

he leaned closer. “yes?” 

“it’s going to be a no. i’m sorry, but i’m just not interested in you like that.” 

it took him a moment to register everything. his shoulders sagged. gosh that was brutal. 

“oh, alright.” 

“yeah, uh, sorry about that.” you offered him a weak smile, still a bit shocked yourself. he did his best to return it, and when you closed the door, his face was ready to explode. 

it was so damn difficult to deal with these feelings, but maybe it was better this way. knowing where you stood on your end, he knew he wouldn’t miss out on anything. 

perhaps it was alright to admire from afar. things could happen in the future, right? 

right now, he’d just wait. for a long, long time. bakugou pressed a hand to his chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat. maybe it was alright to not have you right now. perhaps he could better himself for you. just for you. 

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