disasterrot

[disasterrot]

I feel like I’ve never been able to share my experience in this properly, so I’m doing it now to get it off my chest.

I used to be severely addicted to porn.

It wasn’t something I wanted to share really, but close friends I got after 2020 new and luckily it rarely changed our friendship except being more sexual consensually.

But the problem is that I had this addiction for almost ten years I think. And for context, I’m turning 20 this year. I’m so fucking glad I’m finally out of it, but it’s making me question a lot about myself when I was younger and the things I did.

There was a long period where I would get off around 5-6 times a day in the span of two hours. And now I only do it maybe once or twice a month.

Last year, I could listen to audio porn the whole day, and the thought of it now creeps me out.

I used to fill all of my socials with porn in some way or another, and now I get jumpscared if it see it.

I’m not proud of how I acted, but I was too young to realise how bad it was. And it didn’t stop with porn. In 2020 I got fixated on gore as well. I still have a vivid memory of watching a video of a man get cut in half by a train.

At 15, I had shared my nudes on the internet because I wanted attention and it worked, and now I’m traumatised. I can barely show my skin anymore.

I wanted to be a pornstar at 17 because I didn’t think I’d be able to work a normal job.

And now I feel empty. I feel lonely and I don’t know what to do. I kind of feel broken because I feel nothing sexually anymore and I wonder if anyone else knows how it’s like..

#addiction #addiction recovery

[disasterrot]

I don’t hear enough people talk about how it’s like having neurotypical friends when you have adhd.

“Why don’t you just do that?”

“It’s not difficult.”

“No.”

Especially the last one, and it’s always when I want to share something that happened or talk about my special interest. I try to explain to them why I can’t just get up and do stuff but it doesn’t seem like they’re listening or trying to understand. They’re good friends, but they need to listen more.

#actually adhd #adhd stuff #adhd problems #living with adhd #adhd life #adult adhd

[disasterrot]

I feel like a stuck myself in a box with my room. My furniture all look vintage and I absolutely love them, but I don’t feel like I can display my interests because it doesn’t fit the vibe. I want to come over it but I don’t know how. And I don’t know how to put in things that can help with my adhd and I hate it.

#adhd brain #actually adhd #adhd life #living with adhd #adhd problems

[disasterrot]

How can I make myself do things with adhd? I’ve never figured it out and now I’m having an adhd meltdown because my room is a mess and has been for week, it’s cloudy, I have a presentation on Thursday that I haven’t started, I have a full day rest in math on Friday, I have my midterm in English on Tuesday, I need to pay for my dance classes, my room is dusty, there’s some kind of insects under my bookshelf, and why haven’t I been reading? I can’t remember last time I hung out with friends AND OH MY GOD MY SOCKS HAVE A HOLE IN THEM AND NOT TO MENTION NONE OF THE GOOD SAFE SOCKS ARE CLEAN.

so… uh, help, what can I do to lessen the load, I’m genuinely desperate and I never fucking learned how to clean.

#adhd brain #actually adhd #adhd #adhd problems #adult adhd #living with adhd #adhd life #adhd stuff #oh and btw I got my second favourite animal crossing villager today after just four tickets and I’m so happy but none of my irl friends rea