#i'm still not really sure what this thing is. maybe i just am not very handy with tools because i imagine this guy is supposed to be some

[defectivehero]

hii! I was wondering If you could write Detective x supervillain, I love the way you write their dynamic and would love to see more of it. If not, that's totally alright. thank you in advance!

hey hey! sure thing. this may not be the vibe you were looking for, but this was the first idea that popped into my head and i liked it, so... yeah! also, a quick sidenote: I don't know what I did to deserve such polite and sweet anon asks recently, but... thank you! y'all are so kind and it restores my faith in the internet. thanks for being so cool <3

"Detective," the supervillain smirks. They're conflicted as they watch the detective flinch hard and spin around in their chair with wide eyes. Their fear is delightful, but... Something about the display turns the supervillain's stomach. The detective's fear isn't fading, the supervillain realizes, even though they've met their gaze. In the past, the detective would relax after seeing them. The supervillain studies them for another moment, the words slipping from their lips before they can stop them. "In all the years you've known me, you've never been afraid of me."

The detective's expression sours. "Maybe I didn't really know you, then." They snap with uncharacteristic forcefulness, crossing their arms over their chest. The detective's gaze hasn't left theirs since the supervillain first made their presence known. There's a new wariness in the detective's eyes.

"What the hell is with you?" The supervillain feels the need to ask. They make sure the question is disguised in a heavy layer of expectant frustration, rather than the genuine confusion and betrayal they think they may be feeling deep down.

"You just killed six people-" the detective chokes out, shaking their head. The supervillain glances at the utter mess on their desk. The detective has evidently been looking at the photographs of the crime scene the supervillain just created a few hours ago.

"Sweetheart," the supervillain says patronizingly, making sure to look down at the detective as if they're a pet that has misbehaved. "I'm a supervillain. Class X and everything. You shouldn't be surprised when I commit crimes."

"I know that," the detective hisses angrily, pushing themself to their feet. The supervillain is surprised by the sheer amount of emotion in their voice. It doesn't take them very long to rationalize the detective's new attitude.

"Oh, I see what happened," the supervillain realizes aloud, a grin growing on their face despite the dread coiling in their stomach, begging them to turn back while they still can- "You let your guard down."

"No, I didn't-" The detective argues immediately.

"You did," the supervillain interjects before they can stop themself. That old, sick glee is back. They embrace it like an old friend. "You thought, even for the briefest of moments, that I would abstain from cruelty."

The detective doesn't respond, proving their suspicions correct. The supervillain laughs. "That's hilarious. Did you think that our conversations, that this-" They motion between the two of them, "-was making me a better person? Thwarting my evil, perhaps?"

The detective is infuriatingly silent. Their brows are furrowed and their expression is pinched. There's an unfamiliar tightness to their posture.

"Maybe you need a reminder," the supervillain hums, extending a hand and raising their hand. The detective rises until they're floating in air, strangled by an unseen force. "I am not, nor will I ever be, a good person."

"I am a rotten, despicable being. You can't save me or redeem me—although you have certainly tried." The latter statement is spoken with a sort of detached amusement.

As the detective's airways grow tighter, the supervillain sees that same expression again—fear glimmering in the detective's typically dull eyes. They grit their teeth. The nausea they felt before is returning. The detective is writhing in their unseen confines, struggling against their hold. Growling at their own weakness, the supervillain lets their hand fall to their side. The detective promptly falls to the ground, coughing and choking as they regain their breath.

The supervillain feels like they're spectating—a mere observer as someone else pilots their body and forces their thoughts out into the open air. "I can't promise to be so merciful the next time we meet." The supervillain announces, clenching and unclenching their fist. They don't think the statement is for the detective's benefit. Rather, it's to hold themself accountable.

"You weren't merciful," the detective says disbelievingly, their voice raspy. They're still kneeling on the ground. They let out a small cough.

"Maybe you don't really know my mercy, then," the supervillain hums, playing on the detective's words from earlier. Their gaze meets the detective's and a sort of new understanding passes between them. Whatever they had before is decimated—abandoned out of necessity. The supervillain turns on their heel and walks away, brutally aware of the detective's surprised, betrayed gaze pinned on their back—a gaze that has evidently morphed into hatred.

The two of them had a good thing going, the supervillain supposes. There was a sort of unspoken truce between them for a while there. When the supervillain needed information, they asked the detective—and vice versa. There had been some close calls between them over the years, but never anything as clear-cut as what the supervillain did mere moments ago.

The supervillain has always been self-sufficient; they've survived and thrived for centuries on their own. So... why does the prospect of continuing on without the detective's presence sound so daunting?

©2024, @defectivehero | @defectivevillain, All Rights Reserved. Reblogs are greatly appreciated—just don't steal or share outside of Tumblr, please.

thanks for reading <3

(the supervillain definitely isn't force choking the detective.... definitely not... ha... ha.... ha.... sigh)

tag list: @lateuplight @wit-is-wisdom @greengableswriting @whump-me-all-night-long @noawhite @rekhyt-of-arcadia @the-blind-one-speaks @sufferfictionalcharacters @basically-psyduck @alexkolax @subval01 @emerald-blade @felicia609 @surplus-of-sarcasm @ilickedanenvelopeandilikedit @a-chaotic-gremlin @unknownogre @prompt-fills-and-writing-spills @whatwhumpcomments @excusemeasibangmyheadonawall @agayprince @starsick1979 @a-lonely-little-ghost @agayprince @plum-tello

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#defectivehero #hero x villain #heroes and villains #writing #writeblr #short fic #snippet #writers on tumblr #spilled ink #detective x villain #detective x supervillain #the monopoly I have over this pairing #/hj #/hj but also /srs #/idk anymore

[whateversawesome]

Spy x Family Chapter 98: An Explosion

Let's start with the most important thing and we'll go from there. Ready? This panel:

Blink and you'll miss that insignificant comment from someone we don't even know their name. Nevertheless, given the implications of Project Apple, this panel is huge! Because, even if back then it was just a rumor, there's a chance it could also be true. Project Apple could have started during the first conflict. This leads me to the following theory:

Anya's biological parents were prisoners of war.

The story about Twilight as a soldier, Martha and Henry, as well as Millie, Franky, and even the Lady Patriots Society tell us about the dehumanization of the enemy. So yeah, it's very possible that it was acceptable for either side to do anything they wanted with captured enemies, that includes experimentation.

And by prisoners of war, I'm not only referring to soldiers and medical personnel, but also spies. Wouldn't it be funny if Anya's birth parents were also spies? It's too soon to tell, but it's so much fun to speculate 😆

At the beginning, it's stated that Anya was created by accident:

Maybe she was "an accident" between two prisoners of war or between a prisoner of war being experimented on and a scientist 🤔

So here's another crazy idea: Everyone thinks that Anya learned Classical Language because it was used in the lab by scientists, but what if it was her biological parents the ones who taught her that language in order to be able to communicate with each other?

At some point, I thought that even if we learned about Anya's past there was a possibility we would never know about her parents, now I think we will.

About the Chapter

Clearly, SXF is an anti-war story that wants to show us how terrible war is for EVERYONE. That's why big and small characters, side or main, have been affected greatly by war.

I'm sure plenty of people will talk about Martha and Henry's love story. After this chapter, I think it's clear that they probably were separated by war and that Henry had to marry to save himself, leaving Martha up in the air. (I know I am a fool, but I keep hoping she's the one he married, but I don't think so 😭)

Anyways, leaving the cautionary semi-tragic love story aside (Ahem, watch out Twilight and Yor)...I see what the author is trying to do: The story shows us very clearly what happens to every person when pushed to their limits, when they and their families are in danger. It's a story about loss, loss, and more loss.

The story is trying to make the readers root for peace and be very adamant against war. This is a masterclass on "Show, don't tell." So even if a lot of these stories seem insignificant because it's about side characters, they are meant to influence the readers' point of view about war, so when it reaches the main characters, we all know what could happen to them. These stories are meant to raise the stakes for the main characters.

Now, I've said it before: It's very possible that close to the climax of the story, Ostania and Westalis will be at the verge of a third conflict. By then, we'll know much more about the main characters' background as well as many other stories of side characters affected by war (don't be surprised if The Garden was created as a consequence of it). So when we're close to the end, when war is about to happen, we'll know exactly what could happen to the Forgers, because it has already happened to so many people: loss.

Something to Keep in Mind

The more the story moves forward, the more curious I am about the Desmonds. Since all of the characters were affected by war, I'm wondering how were the Desmond affected? Melinda certainly has issues (did this happen during and because of the war?) and Donovan Desmond is still a BIG question mark. It easy to relate to what normal characters feel. If any of us were going through something similar, we would be terrified too. However, how is it for someone in charge? How did Desmond see and suffer war? I really want to know.

One Last Thing

If in two chapters focusing on two side characters Endo has managed to create such a beautiful love story, can you image what he plans to do with Twiyor, which is the main couple of the story??

I know I say this a lot, but after seeing this my expectations are high and I am convinced it'll be worth the wait.

Food for thought.

#spy x family #twiyor #sxf #spy x family analysis #Sxf meta #Sxf chapter 98 #loid forger #yor forger #martha marriott #henry henderson #loidyor

[itsnothingofinterest]

Hey 👋 been a while, hope you're doing well?

Regarding the recent bnha chapter, and the ones before it, does it feel like the way things are going that everyone is kind of missing the "point"?

Because yeah, it's great for Deku to finally be seen as a "rising" hero that also inspires everyone, with them all fighting together and the civilians cheering them on.

But is all of that really so different from when All-might fought AFO at kamino? With the heroes helping All-might win and everyone else cheering him on?

It feels like everything has gone in one giant circle up to this point...

It doesn't seem like anyone (except for ochako, shoto and maybe Deku depending on what he does with shigaraki now) has really changed or learned anything.

(Aizawa is in a weird place because kurogiri is doing all work for him by glitching out and helping the heroes now, so aizawa can see that shirakumo is still in there, so he just acknowledges that.)

Because It's true that the civilians did try to "help" the heroes in a recent chapter but looking past the symbolism, all they actually did was give Deku a shirt and the other heroes some bandages or something, it wasn't very moving in my opinion.

And the hero side may take a more nuanced kind of view, with how they deal with aoyama and lesser villains like gentle and la brava, but that doesn't really help anything either.

Because aoyama was practically a hostage and gentle/la brava were the least "villainous" villains ever.

Can I ask what you think about all this?

Hey good to see you too, and yeah I 100% get what you mean. I don't want to act like I didn't like the chapter for the spectacle, but it is lacking something; and I think it's the sense of progress and improvement you're talking about. Because the chapter feels like it wants to have that, but i just don't feel it does.

And so, though I find the chapter rather fun & inoffensive on the whole, I'm still gonna throw some of what I will politely call constructive criticism at it and the last few before it for a bit if you're giving me the chance to.

These past few chapters have just been tossing all else to the side to get all gung ho about Deku and his hero allies becoming the greatest heroes, the heroes they were always meant to be (the kind of black & white story you'd expect AFO to usher in)...and I'm just not feeling it. I mean the team-up montage trivializing all of AFO's moves was cool but I got all style, no substance from it. Just typical hero stuff, comparable as you said to All Might with the other pros at Kamino.

It's like, I've been feeling this real want from both the readers and these latest chapters to say that Deku is surpassing All Might, and this is the moment where it's happening. 422 even talks about Deku's having a 'weakness' All Might lacked let him get up again and inspire others to get up again. But I've said before; Deku hasn't done anything All Might wouldn't in the same circumstance, and I think people who believe otherwise tend to assume AM was a lot less kind & a lot more independent, and Deku a lot less independent, than they are. Plus, All Might was the king of inspiring other heroes and he had to be literally paralyzed to stop fighting so what's that even about?

(Thinking about it; the problem might be that the manga wants to say Deku is more inspiring than AM; but the group we see him inspire to action most by far is fellow heroes, the same group All Might too most inspired to action.)

So yeah, it feels on the whole like we've just come full circle with our wheels spinning where I was hoping we'd move forward by now. And maybe there are a few exceptions where you could see some change, but even for them I question how much.

For one thing: I’m honestly not sure how much of Deku and Shoto’s more nuanced behaviour to their villain foils is from them being better heroes and what’s from Touya and Tenko being exceptions to them. Like, how will Shoto treat the next Dabi he meets if they aren’t his sibling? How will Deku treat a Tomura Shigaraki type that he can’t psychically see the inner child of? Ochako's the only one going against the grain just for the sake of a villain, and even then, it's not like we can expect repeat results. Fun as it sounds, she probably can't date every abused girl she meets and send off to jail.

Not to mention these past few chapters haven't even had any talk of villain saving anyway; no one has come here to save Tomura. I mean, Deku might (though sadly even his intentions must now be qualified with a 'might') but everyone else is here to save their fellow hero and beat the big bad; same as ever.

The civs haven't done anything too noteworthy or out of expectations we would've had for them in the early arcs either: just provide small help ranging from medical aid to one guy's shirt, and then sit back like a cheer squad for the next symbol/pillar while the heroes rush forward to do all the work, inspired by that same symbol/pillar. Maybe that's more than they would've done without the events of ch. 323~325...but that thought is mostly just depressing.

Even the cases of Gentle, La Brava, and Nagant don’t seem like these signs of progress to me; because I’ve said it before, but police asking criminals to catch worse criminals is normal. This has been standard procedure throughout. And Aoyama shouldn't even count and I'm almost angry that the story thinks he does.

Something that kind of caps off all this is how All Might talks about how Deku is his greatest hero; that line Deku was always eventually meant to embody (and apparently always did to AM). And cool as that is to confirm he's met all of All Might's expectations, it also feels like it's saying he's ended his arc; at this point where, if you ask me, he's only gone so far as to match All Might at best in every department besides raw power. Which is fantastic as far as Deku's personal goals go, that's all he's ever wanted; but when it feels like the world of HeroAca needed a guy who could exceed All Might, would could lead the charge for a generation of heroes to exceed their predecessors, it’s a shame that’s a level they’re all content just to meet. And that small shame sours something that should be really cool.

#ask & reply #bnha #bnha 422 #midoriya izuku #shoto todoroki #uraraka ochako #aoyama yuuga #class 1a #shigaraki tomura #shimura tenko #dabi #toga himiko #paranormal liberation front #PLF #league of villains #lov #all might #gentle criminal #la brava #lady nagant #hero society #all for one

[katzu919]

Whazzup, Katzu✨Saw you were doin grabby hands for requests, so here I am

Howww bouuuut some headcanons bout Itto having a sibling. I'm thinking bout someone close to his own age maybe even his twin. But if your imagination goes more into the little kid section, that's completely fine too

Just me wanting to be that Oni's bro</3 I accept every wholesome or chaotic thing ya come up with

Thank you if you accept this one!

If you are anything like Itto you guys are a very chaotic pair

you two will feed into each others crazy ideas/plans, and always being there to back the other up

poor Kuki, she can’t catch a break with you two

if you’re the opposite of Itto then you’re probably trying to stop what crazy plan itto is trying to drag you and the gang into

you will probably end up going along with it after not being able to talk some sense into him

what’s the worst that could happen?

Itto (and maybe you) being arrested by the commission is

poor kuki would have to bail you two out

she thought better of you

Itto would never leave you behind after he dragged you into joining one of his adventures

no bro left behind

he would try to impress you with the beetle brawls and get you to join in

would help you find the perfect onikabuto to fight with and teach you all the skills and tricks he knows

and if you end up beating him?

he’d probably tell you he was just letting you win and would keep asking for rematches trying to beat you

Itto would help you take care of your horns and your makeup (i’m pretty sure his body markings are makeup?)

And would be over the moon if you helped him with his

Hey…. it’s been awhile. i am not dead as you can see. i don’t plan on abandoning this account i’ve just have been having a hard time getting back into writing but it’s something i still really enjoy. there are like multiple months in between some of the stuff written here but i don’t think it is that noticeable, also sorry it’s so short. I was having a hard time trying to come up with things to write. i might make a part two if i can think of anything else and because im not really happy with how this turned out :). Anyway if you sent me an ask like a year ago i am trying to get to those and you can always send me request even now it may just take a bit. anyway sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. :)

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #male reader #x reader #genshin impact x male reader #arataki itto x reader #itto x reader #itto x male reader #arataki itto x male reader #brother!reader #brother reader #sibling reader #sibling!reader #itto x brother reader #itto x sibling reader

[lucky38-2077]

OC Interview: Vincent Ibarra & Naota Vasile

Tagged by @dreamskug It was really fun to do this and thank you for tagging!🖤🖤

NICKNAME

V: Most people call me V. Some people I've known since I was little still call me kid, but I guess I'm not a kid anymore, am I? Naota: My family and friends often call me Nao.

GENDER

V: Male. Naota: I am a demiguy.

STAR SIGNS

V: Don't know my exact birth date but I heard it was middle of December. So the thing with the archer? Sagutti...something. Naota: It's Sagittarius, V. (yeah that it!) Mine is Capricorn.

HEIGHTS

V: Why do people even care about the height? I don't know, haven't checked since teenager. Naota: I'm about 5′ 7″ and V is a little taller than me. I think... he could be around 5′ 9″. V: WOW. I'm learning about myself here.

ORIENTATION

V: I like men. Naota: I... I think the closest one should be Pansexual. Do you have preference? If you don't mind talking about. Naota: I really don't know, and it doesn't matter to me anymore.

NATIONALITY / ETHNICITY

V: Nobody knows who my parents were at all. Valentino is my thing. Naota: My father was Italian and mother was Japanese. I feel close to both. V, have you ever tried to look for your biological parents? V: Nah, have my family already. I've got old man Padre and Mama Welles. But don't you even think about a thing between them. They are good friends, nothing more.

FAVE FRUIT & FAVE SEASON

V: Green grapes and lemons. Well I don't enjoy eating lemons, but love lemonade. Naota: It's hard to choose... apples, oranges, cherries... V: And season? Summer. Not because of the weather, because I can play in water a lot. Naota: I like winter. I feel cold easily but it's still my favorite. Warm clothes, soft blankets and hot... Wait we have another question for that, please save it! Naota: Oh.

FAVE FLOWER

V: Not really interested in, but red or yellow ones are pretty. Naota: I do love flowers. Peony and hibiscus are my favorite. V: Don't forget a desert rose, D-rose. Desert rose- Adenium? Is there a story about it? I'd like to hear. Naota: Um... my partner gave it to me as a gift before. I still have the pot and it means a lot to me. And D-rose? V: The whole family calls him D-rose because of it. (Looking at Naota) You're blushed, amigo. Naota: ....

FAVE SCENT

V: Hmm never really thought about that. I think my man uses kinda perfume. No clue what it is, but he smells good. Naota: Fresh ones such as herbs. I like the smell of flowers, too.

COFFEE, TEA, HOT CHOCOLATE

V: Soda. But coffee is also good. Naota: Hot chocolate... oh this is why you stopped me earlier. Yes, I like winter and I like hot chocolate.

AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP

V: 6 or 7? I'm not a morning dude so probably wake up later than most people. Naota: I used to have a sleeping problem but it's getting better. V: Thanks to the biiiiig cuddly teddy bear. I have some plushies on my bed too. How big is it? Naota: No! It's... not... a plush. Let's move on.

DOG OR CAT PERSON

V: I like both, but with my baby Nibbles I'm currently a cat person. Naota: I've been always fond of cats.

DREAM TRIP

V: I want to go to the most beautiful, clean beaches in the world, not ones that are full of trash. Not sure if there is any left. Naota: I haven't thought about it. But with my family now, wherever will be great.

FAVE FICTIONAL CHARACTER

V: Rocky Balboa. If you want to talk about this with me, we should make another schedule. Naota: Unico. He's a baby unicorn who has a power making people happy. He's also very cute.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH

V: Do you need more than one?? Naota: Yes, V. I usually have two blankets, more in winter. V: What? I mean. WHY? Naota: It's warm, comfortable... V: Man. I don't get it.

RANDOM FACT

V: I can hold my breath pretty long in water. Without any gear or cyberware. My record is 6 minutes 28 sec. Naota: That's amazing, V. Indeed. Do you train for it? V: Maybe a little? Think I was born with it. I just feel comfortable in water. How about you? Naota: I can't think of anything... I'll pass. OH.

I think most of people I know have already been tagged, but if there's anyone interested please go ahead!🤗

And this is Unico Naota mentioned, in case anyone was wondering. The idea just came up with when I saw the question. It was pure coincidence Naota has pink hair like Unico and I like it🤣

#omg that was long lol #and yes the big cuddly teddy bear is saul #vincent is such blunt ass but naota is not offended xD #oc:vincent ibarra #oc:naota vasile #saul bright #ship:wildflower #oc lore #oc interview #cyberpunk 2077 #my post

[front-facing-pokemon]

#beldum #i'm still not really sure what this thing is. maybe i just am not very handy with tools because i imagine this guy is supposed to be some #kind of tool. given. steel-type and their general shape. but i could not fathom which Flavor of tool they're supposed to be #or maybe they're just. a metal rod. y'never know maybe this thing is just a strange object. the pokédex entries do seem to suggest they are #lots of magnets happening here. one eye. that's their only perception of the world beyond like. magnetic forces. and they can just float #i dunno. shoutouts

[rotisseries]

inspired by elli's poll lol cause this seems fun actually but if you guys have bad answers I'll kill myself on your doorstep or smth

#“rori all of these are your faves how can there be a bad answer” well I still have an internal ranking on some of these #and if all of you pick an option that I think pales in comparison to the others. well. hm #I know what's gonna sweep though because two of these are niche as hell and 4 maybe 5 of these are things you people don't follow me for #fun fact I actually had to scrape my brain to make sure I couldn't come up with any more #I am unintentionally very picky on what is a favorite apparentlyyyy #I also just don't watch/read enough stuff these days so there's that #AND I NEED LONG TERM EXPOSURE TO KNOW THEY'RE STICKING AROUND #so like. I have some options but I don't KNOWWW if they're sticking yet #but this feels like such a small poll lmao #also no sapphics on here this is actually cause I hate women- #NO. JOKING. zelink is here. I almost put gideon and harrow but I'm in a perpetual state of not having finished tlt #and I couldn't put nebetta and darya I was drawing the line at 2 tbos ships. well. actually. changed my mind #not editing these tags actually you guys can see my thought process #WAIT AND SAYMARI. FUCK. I LITERALLY MADE A PLAYLIST FOR THEM I LOVE THEMMM #ok. is 4 tbos ships too many. hmm #I said 2 of these are niche now four of these are niche it's really the “which tbos pairing is your fave” poll #THIS POLL IS SO FUNNY IT'S SO SELF INDULGENT I HAVE TO TAKE OUT AT LEAST ONE TBOS SHIP #I should add one more general one... #cause I do actually want genuine and varied answers I gotta give y'all options so they don't all pool at the first two #I also almost put ellie and abby on here.. that would've been so funny four popular 1 rarepair 3 super niche ships #ellie and abby are soooo interesting to me though so of course the thought of them having something horrible going on together compels me #and they are one of my 3 favorited ao3 tags... they deserve a place... #ok well while I debate on that I'm putting akutagawa and atsushi on here I admittedly have only had like two months of exposure to them #but it is enough I can tell they are so crazy to me #the way my tags are just me overthinking everything on what is supposed to be a fun and silly poll... no one does it like me I'm afraid

[topaztimes]

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

#Giving time... #Still more time... #Wouldn't want to plague any previews #Maybe another filler. Just for some fun #Is this enough? #It certainly is now #Alright start: #I'm so bored. I am so incredibly; intrinsically; entirely bored. I have been taught the same thing for four years straight #'It's only four years!' that's literally a quarter of my lifetime right there. My formative years are being spent stressed and in a state / #/of constant self-loathing #I was watching a YT video and the phrase 'attention-starved STEM major' came up and I was like. Yea #What am I even working towards? The hope that my version of capitalist hell isn't as bad as everyone else's? I'm just so sick of not / #/having a stable future what with politics and normal working people becoming more and more oppressed #I don't want to work and that's not because I'm lazy. It's because my brain is recognising that there is no reward anymore #I used to have such a little spark in Yr7. I remember having things to say and wanting to share everything I've done #I still do that now; sure I do. I don't enjoy it though #I thought I liked drawing but I'm realising that all I really like is the attention. I COULD draw things I like drawing... but then I / #/ don't get attention which my mind then classifies as zero reward #I'm very tired of doing things for no credit; reward; or validation. This is becoming a theme #Then I wonder what I'm doing wrong. What part of the algorithm am I not hitting. Then I realise that I'm just not marketable in a way #God. I'm seriously breaking rn. It's not even only because of GCSEs #It's just a culmination of doing all these things to be told that I am unworthy of Having as a result. It doesn't matter if I'm smart; my / #/ parents still don't own their house and can't afford to pay for heating most days #Literally what am I doing this for #And then I realise that all of this is ALSO attention-seeking behaviour! I'm my own worst problem; I recognise exactly what's wrong with / #/ myself but the body wants what it wants. And what it wants is validation that I'm not going to get in this life #Hi guys! Maybe don't interact. That could fix me #Wean me off of needing virtual numbers just to feel something. Jesus #I can't even be happy with the things that I make for myself. Because I make nothing for myself anymore #It's just a whole sad existence of an expected 12hr+ of school every day until I get a job I guess. Then it's 12hr+ of job every day until

[sureuncertainty]

at least now i've gone through an important tumblr rite of passage, watching a longtime mutual become a radfem :/

#the thing that really got me was that they were talking about their morality ocd triggering them about it #bc of the way tumblr and the internet in general has this black and white approach to things #and one of those i guess was 'transphobes = bad' which like. is not what i'm ever talking about when i say that things have more nuance #that said i DO think that the way this website prioritizing hating terfs over supporting trans people is kinda gross #but anyway this person was so anxious about it and it just was depressing bc i related to that #they were SO afraid of losing friends or being cancelled over it and i was just like damn i wonder if all terfs are that miserable #but they acted like they just had no choice but to believe this 'thing' that they constantly alluded to but never talked outright about #which i am pretty sure now is just that they're a radfem or at least believe in a lot of radfem ideologies #and honestly? i go back and forth between genuinely feeling so bad for them and being like well that's what you fucking get #i wish i'd had the courage to talk to them about it but whenever i thought about it i got immeasurable anxiety #sorry for the very long tag ramble i just haven't been able to talk about this and it's been eating ME up too for a long time #i just feel horrible. i know in the past they've mentioned too how they want people to tell them why if they unfollow/block them #but i can't. i cannot. and then i'm afraid of just feeding into their victim complex by doing this #i just can't win. and it's like. i'm trans i am literally affected by their bigotry that they're acting like is just not even a choice #ALSO I REMEMBER HOW THEY MADE A POST ONCE ABOUT HOW PEOPLE IRL DON'T TALK ABOUT TRANS STUFF #LIEK IDK WHAT PLANET YOU ARE LIVING ON MY DUDE BUT I HAVE LIKE 5 TRANS COWORKERS AND EVERYONE IS VERY NORMAL ABOUT THEM #like maybe YOU live in a bad area #but you're just a really loud minority #anyway. yeah. just. oof. #still feeling some kind of anxiety about it #win rambles

[piplupod]

that question is sparked by me seeing a very obnoxious (i.e. eyestrain to the point of inducing a headache) dni banner that lists "bi lesbians" on it and I look at the person's carrd and they have "anti-neopronoun/xenogender/mogai" listed right underneath "bi lesbians/lesboys/etc and supporters"

and i am just. feeling a little crazy. because i genuinely do not understand this fsdjkl i feel like... if you are supportive of xenogenders then you should understand gender is complex and doesn't line up nicely with sexuality labels sometimes so you have to twist things to make them fit right for you and your internal experience... this is why we have cool labels like cloudgender and stargender and all that fun stuff!! these labels are cool! they are good! so why suddenly are we saying that lesbians and gays who do not fit the traditional "i am solely a woman attracted solely to other only-ever-women" box are wrong and bad ?

i dont want to be saying horrible things bc im misunderstanding or straight up not seeing the issue though, so genuinely if anyone has insight please tell me because im so beyond confused at this point

#also isn't gay considered an umbrella term at this point? i.e. the gay community (the queer community)? #like it has a meaning yeah but we also use it as an umbrella term in wider culture i thought... maybe i am misunderstanding that though #so im just ... not sure what the whole ''mspec gay'' being bad is about #this is hurting my head im rly trying to figure out what ppls issues are with this #and i just. i think maybe its the whole ''words have meaning! we can't muddy the waters!'' which is totally fair #i'm not sure what the answer is #but also i think maybe even if ppl ID as bi lesbians... i think everyone in the wider world still understands lesbian to mean wlw #and i really doubt that'll change anytime soon. so i don't think that its necessarily an issue? #am i talking nonsense right now? sticking my foot in my mouth? im just very confused fdsjkl im rly trying to figure this out #i've been sitting watching it all for the past few months and i cannot wrap my head around it so ... i come hat in hand to ask here LOL #idk maybe i just shouldnt ask questions but i really want to understand things fsgjkl and i've been trying to figure it out on my own #and i'm getting absolutely nowhere so dsgjkl i figure its okay to reach out to a community to ask instead of driving myself crazy alone #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[cinnamon-phrog]

Sorry for clogging all of your dashboards I've been in a good mood bc!!! I got awesome news today!

REUNITED!!!!!!

#HE'S BACK! re-ordered a yellow and completely forgot! #also uh. yesterday i talked about taking a year to myself what if i did that NOW #there are a lot of things i want to do and solve for myself #i've had no time to actually take care of myself. i've been TREATING myself but that's done nothing but make me crave more #but actually sorting my stuff out. internal external what have you. THAT has helped me a lot #college has been a bad experience overall and i put it down to me just not being ready for it. too much change in only a few months. #it made me jaded and i'd like some whimsy thank you very much. only if i try though #🎨🌻 #🦆📋 #🍝👄 #🚦🏠 #i've seen people become jaded bc of their traumas and it's saddening. and i need to learn that maybe not everyone needs fixing no matter- #my intentions and sometimes i DO go overboard and come off brash. when in reality i'd hate that to happen and only wish people the best #i learn things everyday and i'm still so young. not even 17 yet. i still have time for improvement in myself #i will ALWAYS apologise. ALWAYS extend kindness. ALWAYS admit fault bc that's just all i can do. #so anyway OUPPETS!!!!! I wanna keep them safe i'm thinking of making a box dedicated to little trinkets of Them. #i've been sheltered and Her lessons are still ingrained on me and i'm slowly [but surely!] unlearning them and not using Her as an excuse- #for laziness or my ability to talk to people and guessing everybody wishes me the worst when really they have other things on their mind. #college smollege i am not a character stuck in a narrative! i am nbot the narrative! i am me! and i say my lessons lie outside of there.

[fionnaskyborn]

there's something to be said about the very specific feeling of frailty you feel when you come face to face with just how little you've experienced. twenty-odd years on planet earth and you haven't really watched all that many movies. an unlived life facing an uncertain future. i do not know where to point the finger of blame because i live untethered from my past, floating in the present with no clear point of reference no clear definition of who i am or what happened to me and how i turned out the way i am (fucking. can you guess why five is my favorite game. insert that one lyric from that one modest mouse song.) but you're still here, and you can still learn, and you can catch up, but it still feels like you're a pitiful little nobody looking for excuses trying to explain why you're still new to the whole being alive thing. i've got a good head on my shoulders, though, for all that's worth, so i think i might be fine.

in other news, i watched scarface tonight. it was certainly a movie. don't really understand how the movie made it big, but it did have some damn good music. i mean, i don't know. i'm still learning about the world i live in. maybe it really is as much of a masterpiece as people make it out to be and i'm too dumb to see the reason why it's considered a classic. maybe i'm right. i can't tell at the moment. it's kind of a beggars can't be choosers situation - if you ain't watched that many movies, then you can't really be a good judge of quality. but, oh, well. it's one more movie watched. it's a win because i watched a movie. and i'll watch more movies.

#i mean this extends to things like world politics also i'm still learning and i'm eager to learn beyond what i am offered but that doesn't #make the process any less fucking terrifying. like sure fuck yeah i'll be a big shot and do it alone and i'll be proud of myself but the #thing is i really really really don't know how to be alone without feeling empty #and it's funny because the thing i yearn for the most is to be free and to create myself and do things on my own and i can do that i've #learned how to be an adult very early on and people say ah you've yet to face the worst but every time they tell me that i tell them i can't #wait #but at the same time sometimes i sit and i wonder why i haven't watched that many movies. was there nobody to watch them with? could i have #asked? could things have been different? is it my fault for never having really wanted things or somebody else's? and i'll never really have #a clear answer to any of those questions or at least not anytime soon because my cranium is messed up and unreliable but i won't get the #answers anywhere else. shrugs. i've yet to start living a life. i don't know when i died but i do know but maybe that's just an idea and #maybe i've been dead all along until some point in the past two years but then what are all those memories i have where did they come from #why are they so far apart why do they feel mine and foreign at the same time. can you guess who my favorite mg character is. #well okay i have like what four or five of those but read the text again and think really really hard about it. i'm just kidding i'm goofing #around at this point. i mean no not really but i am smiling about it. :] #logs

[capaldiera]

man idgaf about what treville and richelieu have going on (mostly nothing) (they dont like each other but they work together a lot bc of their jobs.) (i guess treville holding onto a sense of honour whilst working with the cardinal is interesting but like that's not. thats not really those two having something interesting going on). lets talk about the king and the cardinal man.

#the way the king sometimes resents the cardinal's influence but is so easily manipulated to feel lost without it. #the fact that he'll openly acknowledge the cardinal wants him to rule unfairly and play favourites. with a fond look on his face #''i will disband their whole regiment if that's what it takes to make you happy. only please don't leave me alone'' with tears in his eyes #all of which was exactly what the cardinal was going for and he just gets away with it! #the queen finds out he was trying to have her Killed and she says yeah fuck you obvi but i wont tell the king tho bc he loves you ? #i'm not saying any of this is like romantic to be clear lol. it's just very interesting #i mean i dont think it can probably be categorised really. but im definitely not calling it that #it is super interesting though the way the cardinal needs to undermine the queen and place himself closer to the king to succeed in his aim #it would be somewhat appropriate for sure to say its kind of a parent-child relationship in some ways but that's definitely not all of it #in terms of the way the king relies on him and his guidance. but again thats not all of it and he's not a child. or not actually a child. #and i could say this about any of the relationships between men on the show but of course Because they're both men that means the #Possibility of it being anything but fully platonic is not something he can acknowledge and for that reason whether it is or Not there's #still going to be a level of repression and denial that just complicates things. even though/if theres not truly anything to deny #meanwhile honestly i think the cardinal is personally being normal about it even tho he's a freak about a lot of other things #i mean idk that was my impression. i am sorta-watching through s1 again so maybe i'll develop my ideas on that #anyway #me.txt #musketeers posting

[icewindandboringhorror]

*screenshots the highlights of my youtube to mp3 downloads folder as if it were some fancy aesthetic spotify wrapped image or whatever* 

#I don't know how spotify works I'm not sure how the images people share are actually generated but you know what I mean lol #Though I do wish the native windows music player thing kept track of like.. how many times you listened to a song or something #merely because I think it would be really funny for me since I'm very much a like 'listen to the same 3 songs on rotation for literally #4 months at a time. then eventually rotate in another few songs to replace those. never revisit any of them again' type person #And like most media I have a lot of trouble connecting with music or ascribing it the same deep meaning that most other people seem to get o #ut of it like. I think maybe it has something to do with my emotional range in general being very shallow (I am neutral 90% of the #time and even when I'm not I just don't feel things very strongly. when I do feel antyhing it's weak fleeting emotions usuually that #I don't even remember a few days from then. You know how babies don't have object permanence? It's like I don't have emotional permanence lo #l. Which is probably standard for like. severe childhood neglect situations where nobody was around for you to mirror their #emotions in early childhood or whatever usually happens when people are being raised. Like if nobody was there to encourage the development #of emotions and show what those look like then maybe your brain just doesn't develop them properly or etc. etc. ANYWAY gjhjhb) #I think maybe that has somehting to do with why it's just really hard for me to care about media of all kinds - and even when I do it's not #very deep. Also probably why I've never really been in a fandom or gone to a concert or been really into anything like that. Because people #form deep emotional connections and memories and attachments to their favorite media and I just like... don't #I can still like things!! But it's always in a more like.. intellectual kind of cognitive way if that makes sense? Like if I liked a TV show #it would never be becaise I find the message heartwarming or the characters relatable or because it made me FEEL something. It would be bec #ause the lore is cool and I like to analyze it. Or I think there's an interesting social dynamic going on which is fun to kind of pick #at the innerworkings of. And if I like a song like.. it's not because This Music Got Me Through A Hard time In My Life or because #I relate deeply to the lyrics or it makes me feel a certain way - it's usually because the overlapping of instruments or thetones that are #used interests me or there's something intruguing or cool about it to hear. Part of why I like classical or choir music is that there's oft #en so many instruments playing over each other it's like a little puzzle to try and hear each part seperately or etc. etc. #Which isn't to say that I can NEVER relate to or feel some sort of attachement or idea related to a piece of media. but just that it's not #ever very strong. like not powerful enough to be some significant motivator or pivotal aspect of my personality or etc. #BUT ANYWAY. I still can like things to a degree probably not just the same exact way as others lol. #So I rarely even listen to music that often (maybe once a week or so? I'll listen to like one song or two. but I'm not like a 'have music on #in the background playing in the house all the time' or 'listen to music while I get ready' type) but when I do it's very repetitive. I do #think it would be interesting to see the statistics then lol. I thought windows media player used to track statistics so I wonder why the #'updated' version of that on windows 10 doesnt??? Maybe bc they assume everyone is using streaming services instead? stinky #I don;t think the built in music player on my phone tracks anything either. It's more of just a file accessor or something. hmmgbb #That alone will never convince me to actually use some service to get music though lol. I don't need the statistics. yttmp3 for life babey

[lunar-fey]

i wish my brain would . stop. or at least slow down a bit

#the fey speaks #cant even finish one thought before i get interrupted by 5 more.... #truthfully wonder if what was diagnosed as adhd when i was a kid was actually a combo of autism + mania #maybe not though. tbh. maybe i have a 'delightful' mix of all three. #but anyway i was saying that because i don't actually USUALLY have my own thoughts distract me from my own thoughts. #i'm pretty distractable via external stimuli but not so much internal . except for when i am manic. #and idk the thoughts interrupting thoughts things seems like an adhd experience. but like i could still have it and just not that symptom. #i am not even really thinkinga bout this to be clear. this is just word vomit #even if i wanted to consider 'whether or not i actually have adhd' #which i do not. #i am pretty sure under normal brain conditions i have never doubted it #so i am probably just like. seeing things wrong right now #sorry my brain shut whatever i was thinking about there down already i forgot where i was going #i think i was just gonna say i think it wouldn't be very fruitful TO consider it. consdiering im a bit impaired atm #probably not the right way to word that but whatever. #ACKTUALLY maybe i shouldn't even be manic posting in the first place?

[medicinemane]

I just think that the main barrier to being good at a lot of different things isn't about that you couldn't be good at it, it's about time, and it's about affording equipment and materials

It's gonna be a lot harder to find the time for even one hobby if you're working full time, and make no mistake, there's a real problem of getting what you need to actually work on stuff

#that's why if I ever did make videos about carving; I think I'd try to stick to just my knife and my gouge; cause that's 90% of what I use #one carving knife and a medium sized flat gouge will do a lot for you; I like my skew and such; but those two are what I need #I even have a feeling you could get by with an exacto (not nearly as good; but the point would be budget) #not sure what you'd use for the gouge #but if I did do videos I might look into it; would be kind of nice to be able to say 'it's not what I'd do; but he's a broke technique' #like... part of why I would only want to put out free stuff and no like... paid courses (which are fine) #is cause I'm used to being broke; that's who I want to help out; the poor fools like me #cause even people I like with woodworking on youtube who are about doing it on a budget... they still say to drop a fair bit of mint on it #and that's more for furniture making; but... love to do that some day too #and you know how I talk about stuff you know making it easier to do other stuff; there's a lot I think I could tackle with my knife #like... I'd like to once again kind of challenge myself if I did get into that #like what can I make with a dirt cheap saw; an exacto; and whatever I find for a gouge #how cheap can I make this to do? #And can I make it something they can do even if they don't have space? #like can I make it so they could do it over carpet if need be so long as they vacuum? #how unideal can I make things and still have it work? cause I think a lot of us are in very unideal circumstances #and to an extent who I most want to teach are the people who are like I was; in many ways still am #no really money making skills; trouble working for whatever reason; just kind of screwed #and I want to be able to say 'I can't promise you this'll work; but I've made it simple enough maybe you can try it' #'and I'm not saying you'll make money; but at least it's something; and at least it might be fun' #like... I can't recommend woodburing; that kit cost at least $100; think more like $200 #that's not cash people have just lying around #I get that even asking to spend like... $5 on a saw; $5 on a blade; $5 on a gouge; and $5 on wood... even if I got it that cheap #I get that sometimes $20 is a big ask #I want to be able to say 'I'm not telling you it'll be your masterpiece; or you might not want to upgrade some of this stuff' #'but here's how you can go to some damn mega corp hardware store and come out with enough stuff to do this with little cash' #hard enough to get started on stuff; I want to lower the barrier to entry to as close to zero as I can #course... that means me getting more of my shit together; mean me building furniture and stuff #can carve at this point of course; though haven't in some time cause gotta get that commission out #not saying I make amazing stuff either; or that I know if I can teach at all