#i'm so glad I had these remade

[tsepish]

Just spent the past day taking product photos and I just really love how these pins came out ;_;

#i'm so glad I had these remade #teaberryhouse #myart

[claitea]

local 20 year old almost gets teary eyed over a mario game

#clai speaks #IT WAS GOOD. I LIKED IT SO MUCH...... #i hate when friends have to part ways at the end of a story this is no exception GENO COME BACK #when he came down during the credits to watch the fireworks with them i was about to cry i cant do this i cant cry over MARIO #but anyway. very good game #i actually never ended up finding the yoshi place.... i've seen it before from other people talking abt it so i know its there #but how do i get there JDHFJJF #mallow's adorable :) beloved little tadpole #i love goofy characters who try their hardest to appear serious so geno was perfect to me BJDBFH #obsessed with how he's so mad at the start of the smithy fight he drops his whole act immediately. YO SMITHY #mannn i wish they'd make another one now. i cant imagine what it was like for people who loved this game longer than me #like admittedly i had no intention of getting into smrpg at first i was only intrigued bc the remakes trailer looked so good and-- #--people were HYPED like the way every single person SCREAMED when they realized what the first trailer was #if this hadnt been remade i probably would have left it well alone so i'm glad i decided to check it out #you should play smrpg NOW ⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

[mikkokomori]

AAA IT LOOKS SO PRETTY ASNKJNDLSDSD /VPOS Thank you so, SO much for drawing le little guys!! They all look so cute and I can't stop stimming about it 😭 Basile's design too,,,, I can tell you must've had a lot of fun designing it /pos AND SPHINX KEL,,, I wanna pet him so bad you have no idea,,,, I can't ty enough for this, this has made my day >~< That being said,, Totally unrelated,, do you have any references for ur au peeps? 👀 Asking for a friend,,, totally,,,, /nf! - A very happy Repressed!AU Anon

I'm glad you liked it!!! I had to put in a bit of thought on how to go about it since I've never actually drawn half-hybrid characters before, so I was hoping it didn't look weird.....!! I definitely did put a lot of focus on how to do Basile's design as well as Sunny's (it's not like they're my favorite or anything teehee teehee haha aha AAAUGH gets dragged into the shadow realms)

I do! If it's the OMARI AU that you're looking for, I will say I have recently remade the OMARI sheet line up, so here you go!

#omori #OMARI AU #A Sisters Mourning AU #Repressed AU #omori fanart #omori au #omori mari #omori basil #omori sunny #omori aubrey #omori kel #omori hero #mikkos art #anon asks #miko talks

[moralem]

Dead Estate - Shop Fusion Collab

This is one of the parts where i did everything for visuals, from concept to final segment, a lot of effort went into getting the UI elements game accurate, since there was no known way to mod the game every animation had to be remade basically from scratch, which complicated things once i realized the amount of things that had to move every time an item was hovered over.

but i am proud on how the part turned out, and i'm so glad the devs enjoyed the part as well. Some Development Sketches

#siivagunner #dead estate #parappa the rapper #prince fleaswallow

[necroangelz]

i could be your crush, like ! throw you for a rush, like !!

day 3 of @impossiblecreationparadise’s event

“ a character from a fandom ( we’re both ) in. ”

HEADSPACE AUBREY GRAPHICS! Aubrey my girrllllll <3 augh i am genuinely so proud of these graphics especially the second one, they feel like one of my best work yet! i provided 2 versions of the 2nd graphic since I'm not sure which one i liked better.

rambling under the cut. like/rb and creds appreciated!

NOW PLAYING: Crush by Tessa Violet !!

fun fact i had to remake the one to the left (which is the first one i made) because the 2nd one ended up looking WAAAYYY better and i didnt want to have one that looked Extremely Fucking Awesome and one that looked Like Shit. for context here's what the first one looked like before i remade it

yikes! glad we could improve it though.

this will probably be the last prompt i can do for this event since it will end soon, I'm glad i was able to make good edits though!

#HYDROEVENT #👁️‍🗨️﹕ from the archives 𝜗𝜚 ︵ #omori #aubrey omori #rentry graphics #rentry inspo #rentry resources #png #transparent png #omori icons #omori edits #Spotify

[nectar-cellar]

Hello! How are you doing? I hope everything is fine? Just came by to tell you that I'm obsessed with the Rope's Jeans and Chinos you remade! I'm ready to put them on all male Sims in CAS! I change the color and texture so they don't look like twins, but I can't bring myself to put them in any other pants!😆 Thank you for this! I love you and everything you do😍

hii, aww thank you so much my friend ❤️❤️❤️ i'm so glad you like the pants!! i use them sooo much too 😆 i'm so happy i made the effort to convert the full set, it was worth it.

i've been quiet because of exams 🤢 and real life events i've had to attend 🤭🤭 but i'm doing well!!

i have to schedule some simming time in!!! i miss my sims and my cc projects.

#i made 2 new friends today in The Real World 🥺 #life is kind of like the sims if you think about it... #im in a different phase of life now than last yr... changes 🤍

[biolizardboils]

so heads up! im popping a LOT of Prime Season 3 posts into the queue--they'll start coming out one week from now, on January 22nd! if you can see this post and haven't watched it yet, here's some tags to block: #prime spoilers, #sonic prime spoilers, #sonic prime s3 spoilers, #sonic prime season 3 spoilers.

got all that? great! here's my final unorganized little rambles about the show:

shoutout to Rusty Rose's Birdie, who only appears in the very first and very last eps for some reason 😭 her speech about it not being her power source came outta nowhere too, but i loved the message behind it

when everyone arrives at the Grim, just before the ep ends, Nine starts breathing heavily and it. instantly reminded me of Movie!Tails when the bar was calling them freaks. fuck. its a nice reminder of where Nine's coming from

speaking of Nine his poses getting more unhinged over time!! hell yeah

i love that the final fight(s) felt like a kid smashing 3 different Lego sets together, real Robot Pirate Island shit

i laughed a little too hard when the Grim's dome started closing in cus Nine's citadel-thing already reminded me of a thing that happened in Fortnite once, but hell naw they had to add The Storm too sdfghj

METAL BIG DESTROYED ME LJKHGFDV im SO glad i wasnt spoiled about it!!! a while in i started finding it creepy instead of funny, which is an added bonus

i was spoiled about the Advance flashback and its clashing sprites though. the utter whiplash of seeing that without warning mightve made me choke on my hot cheeto puffs. someone's already remade it btw, check it out

i fistpumped at the small reprise of "me beauty" gfhjk ill miss you so much Dread

we're four years into the 2020's and Sonic has nearly died an agonizingly slow death 3 times in 3 different continuities! and dare i say it was delicious every time >:)

unless Word of God says otherwise I'm gonna assume that the giant shadow at the end was The Return Of Metal Big lpoihgfds

So... Twitter, huh? My spoiler filters there had some leaks, and I saw some discussion out of context that... actually made me kinda scared to finish the show. But then I did, and had fun with it just like the other two seasons, and I remembered that Twitter gets high-strung about things that don't matter so much, and that giving it sway over how much I enjoy things is silly lol.

Yes, I think the last season could've been paced differently so it wasn't 5 episodes of the same Final Boss Fight. Yes, I think the writing switches jarringly between gearing for a young new audience and for a seasoned old one. Yes, I think the 2D flashbacks look and move worse than what fans constantly make for free. Yes, I think the final episode doesn't do nearly as much housekeeping as it should (does the Shatterverse still exist or not??). Yes, I think declaring the show is canon to the games or whatever they said probably wasn't the best idea. And yes, I think Black Rose should've had a shoulder-parrot!Birdie to match the other Amys. All valid critiques! All sensible things to think when you've been around the Sonic bush!

But I swear to god, people on Twitter act like these things spoil the whole package. Where's the nuance? Why does every opinion there become an absolute worth tearing others down for? Is it the character limit? I bet it's the character limit.

There's so much I love about this show that were infeasible for the Sonic brand just 3-4 years ago. Externalizing the characters' facets to explore them in-depth. Said exploration spanning multiple episodes instead of being one-and-done. The sheer amount of genuine Sonadow food (and I don't actively do shipping, so me adding it here should hold a lot of weight). The snappy, playful, yet blistering fight scenes that, dare I say, feel like a successful TV-budget Spider-Verse. It was all so much fun!

But I guess stuff like Green Hill being the gang's "home" is a big deal-breaker?? Like?? I thought that was silly too, but not worth ratio'ing people with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse over? Get well soon, I guess??

Rambling over, shout-out to the entire country of Canada for giving me the most fun I've had with a Sonic show since X! I'm gonna go figure out how to address all this as The End lol

#sonic prime #sonic the hedgehog #sonic prime season 3 #sonic prime s3 #prime spoilers #sonic prime spoilers #sonic prime s3 spoilers #sonic prime season 3 spoilers #sth #prime #me talking #boils watches #long

[antiproshipping]

Goodbye

When Omori made the first antiproshipping blog, it was so he had a place to share his true opinions on stuff. He brought on a few members of the system to answer asks and queue posts. Then he stopped fronting and we decided to remake the blog when Joey and Habit noped out. I, Aubrey, remade the blog with the help of Evan and Observer, however I'm the one mainly running things.

I'm shutting down the blog. I don't front much anymore. I genuinely stopped giving a shit about shipcourse. Joey wants to rebrand his entire existence. We're moving on.

Its been a good run. Thank you to the 260+ people who follow this blog. It means a lot to us. I'm glad if I helped anyone at all during the run of either blog.

Imma head out. Goodbye

-Aubrey

#🎀⚾️ #pro fiction #pro ship #pro shipping #profic #profiction #shipcourse #proship

[braxlrose]

Hello! I'll be posting about rock bands, and writing for multiple fandoms and shit like that. I used to write for tokio hotel, so that's why I have posted about it and will now continue to write for them. Ive been gone for a couple months but I'm back now!

- old username: ilovebill-and-gustav

TOKIO HOTEL MASTERLIST

ANNOUNCEMENT

requests: open/closed

edit: I remade this so it looked nicer lmao

edit #2: Hey guys, I finally have way more time to write and you guys can put in requests now! Sorry I had stopped for a while, I had a lot going on! I'm also working on my master list and fixing it so don't worry. I'll also write in my latest post who I'll write for. I think I'm going to start doing multiple fandoms because it's much more open than just tokio hotel. I'm glad to be back to writing!

#dave grohl #krist novoselic #nirvana #foofighters #80s rock #90s rock #grunge #rock #punk rock #kurt cobain #tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #mayhem #pelle ohlin #Euronymous #faust #morbid

[prism-forgone]

So how long till you drop the Deltarune Classpect expansion featuring the secret bosses? Haha just kidding. Unless... But anyway having not thought about classpects in like half a decade that post was a fun read.

i'm so glad you enjoyed it! ^^ it's nice to know there's a demographic for stuff like that still sksjsjk

the post in question for those out of loop here : x

and now.....

It appears my work is not yet done.

Jevil // Bard of Breath

So this is a bit irregular.

Since classpects are not only an allegory for a place in the narrative but also for character growth and progression, it can sometimes be hard to pin down a title of a character who had already gone through their arc. Jevil is someone like that - he's just hanging out. He fights you because it's fun and he's bored and won't you come outside? Let yourself be free?

Jevil screams Bard from miles away and his theme of freedom couldn't be more blatant but the problem I encountered was pinning down which aspect he was ghosting and which was his own. Bards usually experience a psychic break of sorts - we call it a crisis of aspect - that causes them to stop acting aggressively like they're bound to the opposite aspect. But the problem is - I would describe his encounter with 'a strange someone' as something exactly like that. So is he a Bard of Blood that is still in a way ghosting his opposite aspect, destroying the concept of imprisonment by calling being locked up as being truly free? Or is he a Bard of Breath that destroys through Breath by getting himself imprisoned and twisting the definition of freedom?

I decided to go with the latter because not only do I see his encounter with that strange someone being his aspect crisis as non-negotiable, this is not the only clue we have (even if it's the most crucial one). The way Bards operate before their aspect crisis is destroying their aspect through embracing the opposite one. Being a court jester is a very social role that I would say fits someone who is Bloodbound or ghosting the hell out of Blood well. Blood heroes are leaders, confidants and advisors and I think this fits well pre-crisis of Breath. He realized he's not truly free and never will be so he simply smashed his definition of freedom and remade it.

Spamton G. Spamton // Mage of Life (Kind of.)

So, hear me out. I promise it adds up.

Spamton has clear marks of someone Lifebound. This clingy attitude towards success, recognition and money is a very clear mark of that. Another one is how Life heroes are laughably susceptible to contact or persuasion by some kind of dark forces. His separation from other Addisons to become a big deal on his own has connections to a theme of rebellion, and his subsequent rise to the top of the social ladder is emblematic of the theme of authority, both of which being something that very up Life's alley. ...Also, he can literally heal. There's that.

Mages, as I've discussed in Noelle's case, experience the good and the bad of their aspect and can even experience harm because of it. And the cycle of Life says what rises up must fall down. In fact, I believe that what we're dealing with is Spamton's experience with the one who stopped calling him pulling him to the bottom and straight through, leading to him inverting to being the opposite of his title.

Spamton G. Spamton // ↺ Heir of Doom

Sometimes characters can experience a switch to the opposite title. That is called an inversion. It won't make sense for those who are reading this just for character deconstruction and have no knowledge of HS but think of how Rose acted like a Witch of Void, the inverse or her Seer of Light title, when she went grimdark. This isn't ghosting - it happens when a character actively rejects not only their aspect but their whole title.

This leaves Spamton acting in a way that is contrary to his nature - something isn't quite right. We get a feeling this isn't how he should operate but something happened and left him like this. For all intents and purposes, the narrative treats him like an Heir of Doom now, bringing about all things that have to do with being Doombound - this means he attracts the worst parts of the narrative, acts bitter and resentful, even fatalistic, is prone to visions of an awful end or unfortunate fate (this one I'm bringing up specifically because of his phone) and has a connection with nihilism and fatalism.

The inverse of his class being an Heir is also significant. Heirs inherit and embody their aspect, and Spamton does this two-fold - he serves as a cautionary tale of what happens when you hit rock bottom after trying to climb too high up, and, after the fight in the basement, becomes an omen to Kris that leaves a significant impact on them.

#thank you for the question!! i enjoyed writing this response out a lot :> #deltarune #deltarune theory #character analysis #classpect #dr #utdr #my meta #deltarune meta #mage of life #heir of doom #bard of breath #homestuck #hs #jevil #jevil deltarune #spamton #spamton g spamton #spamton deltarune #chatter #cosmic soundwaves #anon ask #classpect analysis

[thesweetnessofspring]

The more that time goes by, the more I'm certain that if The Hunger Games ever gets remade, it MUST be animation.

There are a lot of practical reasons for an animated series. The characters can be animated to match book descriptions, flashbacks will be easier (especially 11 year-old Katniss and Peeta), and it will make it distinct from the movie series.

But also, for me, a big part of it is that animation can retain important themes of the books while minimizing the negative impact of those involved in the production (which is also a theme of the series).

It's no secret that Hollywood is brutal, especially for children and young actors. Alyson Stoner has put out her Dear Hollywood series on what it is like growing up as a child performer. In her most recent video, she shares that she auditioned for Katniss and in preparation, threw herself into her eating disorder to try and fit the description of Katniss. From her story, it seems she took this on herself, not that she was asked to do this. And obviously, they picked someone who is the opposite of Katniss's physical description in the book in just about every way.

I'm very, very glad that (as far as I know) no one in the production of THG pressured Jen to lose weight to play Katniss (fans and media, unfortunately, were a different story). A performer's health is always more important than a look. However, Katniss and nearly every other character has spent their lives hungry and malnourished. And that is a huge part of the themes of the story! Alyson also voiced she was glad an actress "with meat on her bones" was cast as Katniss, and at first I kinda disagreed, due to how it did affect the themes that Jen was always so healthy-looking (not just weight, but everything--hair, skin, hygiene, injuries). Then I wondered if someone starving-thin had been cast as Katniss, how that would have impacted young people watching the movies. If the glorification would have still come through and perpetuated the idea that thinness is the goal no matter how it is obtained, rather than been a critique of the Capitol wasting food while children starve in the Districts. The movies were never able to commit to making Jen look bad in any way, shape, or form even in parts of the book where Katniss is honestly grotesque. So if that had been a skinny actress, would her appearance have been lauded as admirable and been included in the endless media with only skinny female leads?

The thing is, there is some great fanart of Katniss in her less-than-attractive appearance--she's skinny and starving and injured and has a hardened, unfriendly stare to her. Her appearance is a reflection of her oppression, and it is in no way glamorized. This is where I think animation/art is able to exaggerate this and tailor it right without damaging the actor behind the character physically or mentally. Plus, looks change for Katniss and other characters frequently and these changes are important for the themes/plot as well. Weight loss and gain, muscle loss and gain, losing limbs, injuries, the physical effects of major depression and PTSD. Some of this could be accomplished with makeup/CGI and good acting, however, the physicality of the body would be difficult to do with an actor's actual body. Jen and Josh especially were critically viewed for their appearances during the heyday of the franchise. In Alyson's series, she describes that so much of the young actor's damaged self-perception comes from how they look and fitting a part, which throws young performers into eating disorders, plastic surgery, and mental health crises. I have to wonder, for a book that is a great metaphor for child performers, would we want to subject more young actors into this kind of pressure?

I'm not huge into animation fan culture, so maybe there is rampant abuse of voice actors, but it seems to me like voice actors don't have the same issues as live action actors. Certainly the VAs' appearances wouldn't matter--Katniss could be tall and fat, Peeta could be lanky, Gale could be short. Their voices would matter first. Hiring people of color for the appropriate roles would be the only possible "appearance" under consideration. Additionally, in comparison to the frenzy of invasion of privacy that the movie cast had to go through, VAs would likely be bothered less, unless perhaps they were famous for live action roles.

As someone who has a couple animator friends, I will acknowledge that animators have a pretty terrible work culture in that they are overworked and underpaid, so it's not as if no one working on an animated THG would suffer in its creation. But it seems like overall, damage to those in the process of its creation and consumption would be lessened and preserve important themes to the story as well.

#the hunger games #thg animated series when? #katniss everdeen #also quick note to anyone thin out there: your existence doesn't give people eds #our attitudes about appearance and other factors in peoples' lives contribute to eds and unless you encourage that you are not the issue #a skinny actress as katniss wouldn't have been bad but the way she would've been talked about and admired for that thinness would have been #especially when again they never committed to showing katniss looked banged up and traumatized or that she hasn't had enough food #long post

[lucamisu]

[No repost]

OKAY SO, WHY ARE WE HERE? Well, I had to change up Uranus's bio because I realized how actually bad it sounded and I hated it, SO I remade his bio to make it more better and nicer!

I'm sure you'll be able to find the old post somewhere but, THIS is the newer version!

I'm glad you all still loved and enjoyed their designs and I hope you all understand the changes

<:3

#megaman fully charged #mmfc #magmaman #stardroids #terra #mercury #venus #mars #jupiter #saturn #uranus #pluto #neptune #sunstar

[multitrackdrifting]

I went to my younger cousin's wedding, and I didn't cry or anything but I was happy to see her living such a full and healthy life in the present. I saw all my cousins, plenty of my extended family and while I don't get on perfect with everyone my cousins and I are tight-knit. We don't catch up often but we've always gotten on well.

I think that this life has plenty of servings of bullshit on a plate but honestly, the moments you get to enjoy surrounded by people you care about make everything okay for a day.

I am not an extraverted person, though people think I am because I am exceptional at cosplaying a normal and outgoing guy. I try hard to dress well and groom my appearance and all that shit. Though, one dinner a month or one party is enough for me to feel burned out for quite a while. But as much as I feel tired and all that after the fact, I'm glad I saw all my cousins and even old friends I hadn't spoken to in ages. A lot of them are married or have kids and it's pretty funny to think how far we've come in life.

To people who don't know me that well, I was pretty depressed well into my early adulthood, I didn't think I'd live longer than 18, nor make 21, yet I'm so far removed from that inescapable dread, the spirals and all the other shit that I barely remember what it is like to feel that difficult feeling, like there's a crushing weight on my body, and it's genuinely hard to do anything.

I don't want to live some fairy tale of a life, I just want to live. I'm not struggling, I'm not even close to rock bottom. When I think about the potential life I could've had, I used to feel regret, shit, I felt bitter as hell about it for the longest time. The person I could've been, if not for x y or z - but while I recognize not all pain and experience is meaningful, they still constitute the sum of who I am today. Even if it was just filler and bullshit, the way things went, and the way I choose to walk forward, they make me who I am now. I took a detour, so what?

I have good friends, I look forward to waking up early each day and working on the things I care about. I have hobbies in writing & editing, I got a close circle of friends I hang out with from time to time in real life and I got plenty of good friends online. I don't know for sure what the future holds, and I guess it's scary to think about my life without being online as much (because timezones means that I will never be available to anyone in an American time zone) but I'm also recognizing that the period of my life where I was available all the time to do things was also the same period of time where it had no direction or stability - that I'm just used to it, it's not that I need it, necessarily.

In the future which I'm brushing with, I have to face the reality that I can't be there for people across the ocean and I don't say sentimental things because I am not a sentimental person but that doesn't mean I don't think these things. I'm not built for outward affection for people, it's a lot easier to do with things I like, than people I care about - it's not a lack of emotional intelligence or ability to express that, I'm just not like that because I just don't like doing that.

I was born across the ocean from a lot of people I love and I have no plan to move across it. The hardest thing for me isn't reconciling time lost, the life I could've had or the potential that was left unspent. I'm no longer an idealistic fourteen year old who made a blog because a girl simply asked him to (yes, that's why I've had one since 2010, well, I deleted for like 5 years, but I remade in '22).

I see the future ahead is unwritten, and to write what I want to, I have to sacrifice the comfort I derive from simply being there to do things with people. Part-time work is one thing, it gives you plenty of free time, but a lot of financial anxieties and most people wouldn't choose to just feel terrified about money all the time. I certainly have been there many times.

It scares me, it does. It's so fucking stupid. Of course, I am not the availability I have to other people, and I've always had something I was doing. With college, or work, but I've never had a career - one that was really going somewhere.

Even now, there's still time to breathe before I'm anchored to it. But it's what I want, yet I'm terrified of it. Of seeing my dream materialize, while the world I know actually changes even if it's for the better.

The world I understood, the one I lived, while biding my time until this point, it will fade to the back of my mind even if my feelings about these people don't.

I'll be honest no part of me really loves what I do for work, but it's stable and it's relatively harmless work. I'll never feel the same passion for my job that I do for my crafts and spending time with people I care about. But if one part of me has to suffer for the other to thrive, I'm ready to face that... kinda.

I'm still scared of the future, perhaps I'll be scared even when I'm old. It's my birthday soon, and I still love being alive. I still love the challenge of living and making the most of my new paths.

I've talked to all my close friends about it, but I don't think they understand it really. I commute to the city for work, so I'm out of the house by 7, and I'm home around 7 or 8. I'm just not available that much, and I only have about an hour of free time every day (since I have worked the exact schedule for a year before).

For most people, especially in NA timezones, they understand a couple hours difference being a thing, but for me, I do not have the option to be available or around to do anything and it's so trivial to care about but I do.

But as I agonize over that reality, I too realize that I build up leave - you know? I'll have money to travel. A lot. I'll just build up my leave, go on holidays and do rich people shit (I won't actually be rich, I'm just saying, I'll have more money than I'm making right now).

Maybe I can't cross the ocean and make it home, but I can still cross it. And though I cannot be the guy who rounds out the ranked grind, or the friend who can call with them all the time, I can still be their friend.

I've already worked like this for a year, and I'll be honest it genuinely, well and truly was lonely. In response, I started working more graveyard shift work, and that was not great but for different reasons. But if I really focus on what it can help me do, maybe I can find some middle ground where I know work will never make me feel happy, but I can still find a way to smile each day.

The future scares me, and it also feels kind of exciting.

It's funny. I feel like I've been in a haze for the longest time despite feeling relatively good. Perhaps I was trying not to think about the uncomfortable reality of living a normie life that is a lot more lonely.

I'm not going to agonize on the reality that I have to work to live, working is not that hard to me since the stuff I do I'm pretty good at it. It's the act of work itself being a relatively lonely experience.

Working part-time is okay, but full-time genuinely is gruelling in how lonely it feels. I'm an introverted guy and it makes even me feel lonely.

If I had to have only one wish, it would be to make enough doing anything else that I wouldn't have to worry anymore.

Any job I can just quit on a whim, but a career? No, that's not the kind of thing you just drop randomly. And my ADHD ass is terrified of that concept.

It's such a trivial thing to get worried about, but I'm not afraid to say that it bothers me. Every FT job I've ever had I've hated it. I'm not bad at this career path I chose, but hell, just... maybe this is the endgame of everything.

But maybe it isn't.

Maybe I work this job, I get certified, I quit my firm - I do something else.

Maybe I work harder creatively, and I get lucky.

And I do something else.

The future is still not set in stone,

so I guess I'll have to take it as it comes

before I can do something that actually makes me happy

and in the mean time I should just find peace in knowing that what I do helps me live a stable life

even if it kind of sucks to feel alone

But just think, that I'm here to have any fear to face is something remarkable in and of itself. I wasn't supposed to make it through the dark, and I did anyway.

I take pride in living, even if nobody can see its value, I'm glad I'm alive. I'd rather have boring problems than struggle to face forward, or look people in the eyes the way I did when I didn't think I deserved any joy or happiness at all. I'm glad I am alive.

[self-loving-vampire]

I certainly lost my sense of self at some point, actively thinking I wasn't a person, but as I grew better able to understand what was being done to me and undifferentiated suffering turned to grief turned to rage I started actively trying to maintain one. At times I repeated "I am alive, living and breathing" to myself as a mantra. I fixed that I was worth everything under the sun, and that that everything was worth fighting for at the center of my being. My "self" wasn't me, how could it, when I remained alive as my situation shattered it and left me reeling? When it had been remade so many times? I ran away at sixteen after hearing of a squat a group of anarchists were organizing not too far away, and asking to join. They are the kindest people I have ever met. We got evicted after a year and a half, but I was able to build up some savings from the jobs I worked while living there, and after I turned 18 I tested well enough that I qualified for a scholarship at a decent uni despite having a GED, where I'm currently studying biochemistry.

It feels weird looking back. I can recognize how objectively difficult this all was but like, when people say "you had it rough" I don't think I can really agree. It was ego-shatteringly hard, and it shouldn't have happened nor should happen to anyone again, but I flat out can't see myself in the hopelessness I know I had internalized. Navigating it wasn't fundamentally different from any other act of living. I guess that means I'm done grieving the childhood I never got to have, and the personhood I was denied. I have decided to live.

Extreme dissociation and depersonalization can be a big part of the thing as well, yeah. I'm glad you are feeling a lot better.

I was actually thinking earlier that my own experiences from when I was trapped felt kind of like already being dead in a lot of ways. There wasn't anything I really wanted to do with my life, nothing brought me actual joy, and I was kind of numbed out and apathetic overall. Feeling as if I wasn't going to make it to 25 didn't help.

I still had preferences and interests and so on. I was still playing games on the computer and watching anime and reading about interesting things. It wasn't just gray misery 24/7, but none of those things were really enough to make the situation tolerable, if that makes sense. It was mentally inescapable and my ability to enjoy my favorite things was definitely affected.

Leaving the country and starting estrogen are both things that helped me a lot, though even now I sometimes feel like I'm still pretty much a corpse that is just being reanimated by my husband and that without him I'd probably stop moving.

#long post

[magicalgirltwirl]

An AMV focusing on Rei Hino/Sailor Mars from Sailor Moon to her image song "Flame Sniper", sung by her VA Michie Tomizawa. You can see the translated lyrics here. This AMV includes the completely cheesy and ridiculous English intro I adore.

This is probably my best Sailor Moon image song AMV and I think it was the last AMV I ever made. That's because it's actually a partially remade version of an older AMV! I think I did it for a contest @keyofjetwolf was holding back in the day.

The original version had quite a few views (so much so that it's preserved on Wayback), but it had a bunch of timing issues, which is why I did this remake. And somehow Toei didn't destroy it! Which I'm glad about. It's a jam and it was fun syncing all of Rei's badass moments to it.

#rei hino #hino rei #sailor mars #sailor moon #bishoujo senshi sailor moon #amvs #my videos

[pessimisticpigeonsworld]

My thoughts on the SW Filoni-verse (a rant)

Dave Filoni is pretty much single-handedly sustaining the sw franchise at this point and we all love him for it. His stories are amazing and, at least in my opinion, he has overall never disappointed. He also very clearly ramping up to something really huge.

However, I think anything he creates, whether that's an out of galaxy threat, Thrawn's return, or even just the rebirth of the jedi order, it's all been massively screwed over by the sequel trilogy.

Now I personally was not a big fan of the sequels, for a variety of reasons that I won't get into in this post. Disclaimer: if you enjoyed the sequels: that's great, I'm glad for you, everyone is entitled to enjoy what they want. BUT I think we all have to agree that no matter what we think of the sequels, they are rather restricting to all of the post-OG pre-sequel shows. Everything has to end in a way to set up the events of Force Awakens. Therefore no matter how threatening Thrawn is, or what lies beyond the galaxy, or how successful Luke is in starting to rebuild the jedi (or improve them), we know the ending.

Now you may ask, "But what about CW or Rebels? Those were still amazing shows with great (albeit heartbreaking) endings!" And I agree, they really were. But I think these new shows are all playing in a very different field than those older ones. The old shows were focusing on a much smaller time gap, first of all. Second, they also didn't have the problem needing to set up every single thing the characters are working for to fail in an extremely catastrophic way.

Again you can ask, "How does the second point apply to CW?" Well, when we were watching CW with the knowledge the jedi die and Anakin falls, we also had the assurance that what they fought for would prevail in the end, through Luke and the New Republic. But with the sequels, the Repiblic is basically destroyed, again, and this time there isn't much set up to it being remade. And Luke falls into the same trap as all the jedi before him, leading to the total destruction of the order, rather than the hopeful reformation ROTJ hinted at. Rey is probably not going to try to train new jedi and there aren't any strong political leaders to try and get the republic going again, at least none they bothered introducing to the audience.

Basically what I'm getting at is that SW is once again creating all these interesting shows that have to ultimately end in the protagonists failing. And I am so tired of that. Like there's only so many times I can sit there and watch characters I love and root for fail again and again. We know Ezra, Sabine, and Ahsoka have to die, and any other jedi trained. Fuck, Grogu and Jacen have to die too, or at least be too far away to impact the events of the sequels. And I don't know about everyone else, but I'm fucking sick of that kind of heartbreak.

(It's so frustrating that they chose to do the sequel trilogy when they did, like why can't SW ever go in order? Is that too much to ask?? It destroys so much potential or even interest in new things, and, at least for me, the outcome of the sequels isn't nearly enough to justify the suffering that has to happen in these new shows.)

#The reasons for CW working also applies to Rogue One and Andor #ahsoka show #ezra bridger #ahsoka tano #sabine wren #the mandalorian #dave filoni #sw sequels #spoilers ig #I don't think this is anti sequels #star wars the clone wars #star wars rebels