#i'm shaking a little bit i'm overwhelmed. this has been my LIFE for the past lil bit i just. augh i poured my heart into it i LOVE him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

englishspeaker47 · 5 months

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Love Birds

Episode 1: Independence day

Today is the day, when Nightingale greets old friends and goes on a life changing mission. Wally is still Wally and Aqualad has to take care of his teenage kids.

GOTHAM CITY

Just a normal day in Gotham city- well as normal as it can be. Until ice crashes down causing panic around the park.

They start running to get away from the threat some getting frozen some just able to get out of harms way.

"Enjoying family time?" Freeze says before freezing a small family.

“My family has other plans.” Freeze says but is interrupted by a bat-a-rang to his glass helmet.

"Batman." Freeze turns around aiming his freeze ray towards where he had assumed Batman would be.

A laugh is heard before Robin flips into action and bounces off of freezes helmet, then nightingale does the same and each of them land throwing their bombs towards his helmet cracking it.

"Oh boy and girl wonder, the bats sent you to send me off to prison, frankly I'm underwhelmed" freeze says only to be interrupted by Robin saying "Great but we're kinda in a hurry here"

"Kids always is such a rush" freeze says.

"he wasn't talking to you" nightingale says looking up, freeze's eyes widen and look up to see Batman and he punches his helmet and fully cracks it.

"Wouldn’t want to be that guy" Nightingale says from where Robin and her are standing Batman and him both look and her, Robin smiling while shaking his head and Batman just gives a simple nod.

Robin raps his arm around Nightingales shoulders, “Today is the day, you ready?” Nightingale looks to Batman and at the apartments across the road.

“Yea, ready as I’ll ever be.” Robin looks at Nightingale and sighs.

“Still thinking about her?” Nightingale nods and the Hero and his side kicks leave for the hall.

After a while they make it to the hall of justice everyone and NG looks up at the hall, Green arrow and Speedy are there along with Aqua Lad and Aqua Man.

Batman places a hand on Robin and NG’s shoulder and speaks "today is the day" then green arrow says "welcome to the hall of justice" "headquarters of the justice league" Aqua Man says and taps Aqua Lads shoulder.

"OH man!" They hear from behind them so they all turn around to see flash and kid flash "I knew we'd be the last ones here!" KF says

"ironic huh?" Nightingale replies with smiling at him.

"hey gorgeous!" He says winking

"Sup KF" Nightingale says.

Nightingale had been friends with Wally for ages, since Batman brought her in to the hero scene. The two were basically siblings. They start walking to the hall entrance.

"Is that Batman?!" Someone yells "look it's nightingale and Robin!" "I see flash and flash junior!" "His name is speedy duh!" "No! Speedy is green arrows side kick!" "Well that makes no sense" "Nightingale over here!"

Everything goes silent when she looks up for a photo. Although she looks past the camera to see a lady in a black hood looking at her, her eyes widen and the second Nightingale blinks. She’s gone.

"Ready to see it?" Green arrow says interrupting her thoughts "born that way" speedy replies with "Im glad were here" aqua lad says

"have all five sidekicks ever been in the same place at the same time-" KF gets cut off by speedy

"Don't! Call us sidekicks, not after today."

"Calm down roy it's probably his first time at the hall" Nightingale says tapping his shoulder.

"that it is gorgeous, tho I'm a little overwhelmed" KF says

Then Robin starts up saying "your overwhelmed, freeze was underwhelmed why isn't anyone ever just whelmed?" NG laughs a bit before getting a small smile from Robin as they walk inside.

"Oh that's why" Robin says as he looks up at the huge statues of the league. "Robin, nightingale, aqua lad, kid flash and speedy.. welcome" Martian Manhunter said. Nightingale, Robin and KF all do a little fist bump before following along.

"You now have access to the Gym, full gallery and of course our library" Martian Manhunter says and is followed by flash saying "make yourselves at home"

Hearing this everyone sits in a chair minus speedy. "Quick debrief to discuss the coincidence of four villains attacking on the same day"

Batman says and walks up to the zeta tube and it says "Batman 0-2, Aqua Man 0-6, Flash 0-4,

Green Arrow 0-8, Martian Manhunter 0-7, Red Tornado 1-6".

Then we all hear "that's it?!" Speedy yells causing the hero's to turn around "you said we'd get a real look around not a glorified backstage pass"

Nightingale didn't really wanna listen to them argue so she grabed robins arm and used his mini computer to play flappy bird. He looks at her nodding telling her its ok to continue and turns away focusing on what speedy's talking about.

"They’re treating us like kids!" Speedy says causing NG to look up and stop playing "worse like side kicks, we deserve better than this" the group of teen hero’s all look at each other and back to speedy.

"Your kidding right? Your playing their game, today was supposed to be THE day, step one of becoming full fledged members of the league"

KF looks to Robin and NG and says "well I thought the first step was a tour of the HQ?" And gets cut off by speedy once again.

"Yea except the hall isn't the real HQ"

"What?" KF says clearly confused "it's just a false front for tourists they just have a zeta beam that teleports to the real thing, an orbiting sat alight, the watch tower"

The small bit of the full time hero's pause and Batman glares at green arrow. "I know, I know I just thought we could make an exception?" Green arrow says in hopes to save himself. ‘Someone’s in trouble’ she thought.

Batman continues to glare "or not" green arrow says in defeat. Robin retracts his arm types something and shows it to NG, ‘awkward’ she stifles a laugh and types back ‘yup’.

"Your not helping your cause son, now-" Aqua Man gets cut off by speedy "or what your gonna send me to my room and I'm not your son, I'm not even his, I thought I was his partner- but not anymore"

He takes of his hat and throws his hat to the floor. The group are just witnessing this going on not really knowing what to say.

“Roy..” NG stops.

"Guess they were right about you four.. your not ready" we all stand up and watch him leave, NG let go of robins arm and can't help but feel that Roys right.

“Superman to justice league, there is a fire at Cadmus. Help needed”

"Zatara to justice league" seeing one of Nightingales friends dad was cool but she hadn’t seen her is ages.

"Superman?" Batman asks "It's a small fire local authorities have it under control" superman replies. "Then Cadmus can wait"

Batman looks to the teenage hero’s “stay put”

Robin looks at him and says “what? Why!”

"This is a league mission" Aqua man says followed by flash saying "your not trained"

"That's the only thing we have been doing" Nightingale says "yea since when we're we 'not trained'" KF adds on.

"I meant your not trained to be apart of this team" flash continues "there will be other missions" Aqua man says "but for now stay.put." Batman says.

Then they walk off towards the zeta tube and green arrow mutters something to Martian Manhunter "agreed" he replied with.

"Ready? How are we ever supposed to be ready when they treat us like sidekicks?" KF says "Mhm we're still sidekicks in there eyes" Nightingale says.

"My mentor, My king I thought he trusted me." Aqua Lad says "Trust? They don't even Trust us with the basics, The secret HQ" "IN space" Nightingale says adding on to KF's statement.

Aqua Lad nods and says "what else aren't they telling us" "hey I have a better question, why didn't we leave with speedy?" Robin says.

"Exactly what I was thinking" NG says and they all look down. Until Aqua Lad starts up. "What is project Cadmus?"

Then Robin smirks and says "Don't know, but I can find out"

Robin walks over to the computer and starts typing stuff on the huge key pad.

"Nightingale, plug this in the power port there"

He says, Nightingale handing her a wire to plug in.

"Will do" she says.

"Access denied" the computer said after she put the wire in the access port.

Robin looks up and says "heh, wanna bet?"

"Woah how are you doing that?" KF says, NG walks over to stand next to Robin.

"he's Batman" she says in a deep voice mocking her mentor and laughing at her own joke, KF looks at her and says,

"Very funny. but seriously how?"

"Same system as the bat-cave" Robin says

"Nightingale can do it to, she just doesn't" he continues before getting back to it.

"Access granted" the computer says

"Alright project Cadmus, genetic lab here in DC, if Batman's suspicious we should investigate" Robin says.

"We should" NG says

"If we solve the case first, it would be poetic justice" Aqua Lad says.

"Hey, their all about justice"

"But they said to stay put" Aqua Lad said

"For the sun mission, not this" Robin replies with.

"No way you wanna go to Cadmus?" KF says placing a hand on Robin and NG's shoulders.

"because if your going I'm going" KF says

The group looks at Aqua Lad "just like that, we're a team?"

"Well we didn't come here for a play date" Robin says.

"Finally an actual mission!" NG says before walking off not aware of the secret conversation behind her.

"Robin, how is she?" Aqua Lad asks the two.

"She seems off" KF says

"She’ll be ok, she’s been through a lot" Robin says before continuing.

"You both know that she is" Robin says.

Robin walks after NG and KF starts speaking to Aqua Lad.

"She may be strong but she can’t bare everything on her shoulders"

Aqua Lad nods and they silently follow behind the two.

CADMUS

The fire fighters fighting to put out the fire two people inside yelling for help "help get us out" a scientist inside yells.

Then a huge explosion knocks the two out off the building as there falling a yellow and red blur dashes in saving the two scientists and is hanging from the window.

"It's what's his name, flash boy!" someone yells.

"KID FLASH!, why is that so hard?" KF says.

Aqua Lad, Robin and NG run out of an alley way "Soo smooth" Robin says

"does he always have to run away" is the last thing Nightingale hears Aqua Lad say before getting pulled by Robin into the shadows.

As they’re running he starts his famous laugh and NG looks back to see Aqua Lad looking around.

Then Robin lets go of her hand.

"I'll get KF you get in there" he says

“Alright be safe” he nods and off he goes.

NG grapples off and swings into a window and sees Robin hacking the system and KF checking files.

NG walks over to Robin and whispers "hey did you do the math homework?"

"Yes? Why did you not?" He asks looking up

"I mean.. i started it?" She says smiling.

"When we get back I'll help you out" Robin says.

"Thanks" she says before looking out the window to see Aqua Lad doing his thing before making his way into the room.

"Appreciate the help" Aqua Lad says obviously being sarcastic.

"You handled it, plus we're here to investigate" Robin says and gets back to typing.

"Poetic justice remember?" NG says tapping his shoulder receiving a smile.

Then Aqua Lad leaves the room so the group runs after him.

"There was someone in there" Aqua Lad says.

"Elevators should be locked down" KF replies.

"Mm they should be, but why aren't they"

Robin runs ahead so they all follow "this is wrong.. thought so, this is a high speed express elevator, doesn't belong in a two story building".

"Neither does what I saw" Aqua Lad walks up to the door and forces it open.

"And that's why they need an express elevator."

Robin shoots his grapple to the top of the shaft "Nightingale grab on" Robin says "Got it” she replies with.

Robin grabs her hip and she holds on causing her cheeks to have a red tint as they’re lowered into the elevator shaft.

"I'm at the end of my rope" he then swings himself and NG onto the elevator door and slides down and uses his mini computer and Aqua Lad and KF jump onto the door frame.

"By passing security, there go!" Robin says.

Aqua Lad opens the door and they all walk into the hallway.

"Welcome to project Cadmus" NG says KF runs off down the hall.

"Kid wait!" Aqua Lad yells.

"KF get back here!" Nightingale says.

"Ah-" he yells all of these ape alien things stomping down the hall.

"Holy sh-" Nightingale gets cut off by robins gloved hand on her mouth.

"Language" he says before Aqua Lad says.

"NooOoo nothing Odd going on here" Aqua Lad says. Then the ape thing walks off.

Then the team ends up in a room with these blue tubes with aliens in them.

"K I'm officially whelmed" robin says.

"Are you kidding, what are these?".

KF walks in front "this is how they keep this huge facility hidden from the world, the real Cadmus is powered by these things, must be what there bred for".

Aqua Lad said something to the group but NG was looking at the Alien things.

"Cadmus creates new life, let's fine out why. They call themselves genomes. Oh look at the stats on these things super strength, telepathy, claws their living weapons" Robin says.

"There engendering an army, but for who?" KF says.

"Wait what's project Kr?" Nightingale saw reading over robins shoulder.

"I'm not sure the files are tripled encrypted I can't-" Robin gets interrupted by a voice.

"Hold it right there!" Nightingales eyes widened realising she recognised that voice.

They all turn around to see guardian.

"Wait nightingale, Robin, kid flash, Aqua Lad?" Guardian says in clear confusion.

NG nudges KF and say "least he got your name right" he slightly glares at NG before Aqua Lad speaks up.

"I know you, guardian a hero" he says.

"I try my best" guardian replies with.

"Then what are you doing here?" KF says.

"I'm chief of security, your trespassing but we can call the justice league to figure this out" guardian said.

Nightingale and robin look at each other and he smiles slightly, NG raises her eyebrows and he looks at his mini computer and motions her over.

Then he shows her what floor project Kr is on, as they’re about to tell the team they hear guardian yell.

"Take em' down!" Robin throws a smoke bomb and he grapple's on to a pipe grabbing Nightingale before she can object.

Then the two make it to a elevator door and rob starts hacking away.

Nightingale turns around and sees KF and Aqua lad.

"Way to be team players you two!" KF says in rage.

"Weren't you right behind us?" Robin says and before long the door opens.

And they all get into the elevator and Nightingale fills the silence

“Everyone ok?”

The responses are out of breath but all ‘ok’ and ‘yea fine’

"We're heading down?" Aqua Lad questions.

"Dude out is up!" KF says.

"No excuse me, project Kr is down lvl 52" robin says.

"Perhaps we should contact the league?"

Aqua Lad suggests.

"No point we're already here, we’ll be ok kaldur" NG says before walking out of the elevator and looking around at the strange pathways.

"We are already here" KF says to Aqua Lad.

And they all walk to the entrance of the two hallways.

"Which way?" Aqua Lad says.

"Mm bazar hallway 1 or bazar looking hallway 2?" Robin says.

"HOLD!" Some Alien dude yells and throws barrels at the team.

NG gets pulled back by one of the guys.

"Hurry!" Aqua Lad yells before they all get insides a room.

"I disabled the door we're safe" Robin says.

"We're trapped" Aqua Lad corrects.

"UH guys you might wanna see this" KF says and presses a button on a control panel and a pod in the middle of the room lights up.

"Uhh what is that?" Nightingale says.

"Big K little r, the atomic symbol for krypton, clone?"

"Robin hack"

"Right, right" robin says before speaking to Nightingale .

"Night you mind?" As he hands her the wire.

"Not at all" she says before taking the wire and plugging it in.

"Weapon designation super boy a clone force grown in- 16 weeks?! DNA acquired by superman".

"Stolen from superman" Aqua Lad corrects

"No way the big man knows about this." KF adds.

"Solar suit allows him to absorb sun radiation 24/7"robin says.

"And the devil things?" NG says genuinely confused.

"Uh- Genomes force feeding him education" he says and KF says "and I bet we can guess what else."

They keep talking and NG walks closer to the pod

Poor dude. Then she notices the devil or genomes horns turn red.

Robin then opens the pod so NG steps back and they all look towards the super boy it's quiet for less then a second until super boy jumps forward smashing Aqua Lad into the wall then onto the floor.

KF runs over to pull super boy off but he punches KF Back "I don't want to do this" robin says putting a gas bomb in his mouth.

Aqua Lad kicks him back, robin and NG pull out their tasers but he grabs the wires from both and yanks them both forward behind him onto the floor.

Then he uses his foot to keep robin from moving. Nightingale manages to land a punch to super boys face and to no avail. Then getting punched in the gut and one to the face and the last thing she heard was someone call my name before everything goes black.

#dc x reader #dick grayson #dick grayson x reader #young justice x reader

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jamiesfootball · 3 months

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Have there been any of your WIPs that have not been asked about that you want to talk about? Or one that has that you want to share more about?

As you may have heard, I'm not writing a Leverage AU. Part of this thing that I'm not writing involves digging into how Jamie became a hitter in the first place - and subsequent relationship with violence - which came at the pushing of his dad, a low-bit crook and all-around awful person (who's very Nate Ford's dad coded here):

“He’s a crook; you ask yourself ‘what would a crook do’ and that’s what he does.”

One of the turning points in young Jamie's life was when his foot was broken via unsavory means as a direct result of his dad being a piece of shit crook. He lost his spot in the football academy. Added to that, he had a large number of fractures in his foot requiring multiple surgeries, and he spent a lot of time unable to move around.

Which is how we get this distressing flashback snippet under the cut in which James confronts Jamie about how he's not contributing his share around the place anymore

CW: abuse

His dad’s hand came up. Jamie flinched, and he got a consolation pat on the cheek for trying to hide it.

“What are you going to do, lad? Huh?”

“I don’t-“

A tap to the cheek this time. Quick, like swatting a dog with a newspaper. “I don’t want to hear excuses, right. I want to hear-,” he leaned in close, “-what the fuck it is you think you’re going to be doing to pull your weight around here?”

His throat went dry. The words smudged right out of his head like letters on a chalkboard.

Helplessly, he shook his head, and the next tap to his face came with a smack.

“Don’t you shake your head at me,” his dad hissed. “You think this is funny? You think this is a game? I’ve sheltered you enough and look where it’s fucking got us!”

The bottle went flying past his head, shattering against the wall.

Jamie couldn’t tell if he’d meant to miss.

He kept himself still but pliant as his dad’s hand circled around the back of his head to tug him forward by the hair. He pressed their foreheads together; the warm stench of beer an overwhelming fog threatening to send Jamie flying right out of his own mind – anywhere but here.

His dad spoke softly. “Now I’m not trying to scare you. I’m not, because I don’t have to scare my son into doing what he’s told. Isn’t that right?”

Jamie made a strangled noise.

The hand in his hair curled into a fist. “With your fucking words.”

“Yes, da’.”

“That’s good. That’s real good. So here’s what we’re gonna do.” He let go of Jamie’s hair. Pins and needles popped up to great him in its place. Before he could be grateful, he got another tap on the cheek.

The hand rested there, calloused in its warning.

“I’m gonna go out. Me, Denbo, and Bug, we’re gonna shake down our usual customers. Line our pockets. And when I get back in the morning, my son is going to explain to me how he expects to contribute on the next score, even with his poor little fucking foot, because so help us both, Jamie – this is not a problem you want me to solve. Make me solve this, and you’re gonna fucking regret it, Junior.”

#leverage au #cw abuse #jamie tartt #james tartt sr #fuck jamie's dad #(in every universe)#ask box is always open #behold my flimsy excuse to share a snippet!#writing snippet

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narryffdreaming · 9 hours

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A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — FOUR (I)

Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.

Rating: +18

WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.

PART FOUR: 21,8k words (I) - 11,2k words (II) - 9,8k words

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE

"Oh my God! Guys!" Lucy yells from the top of the yacht. "They're here!"

"What?!"

"Oh my God!"

"Finally!"

Their friends cheer and whistle at their arrival, and Aurora can't get rid of the smile on her face as half of the group screams her name at the same time the other half screams Harry's. There's music playing, each one of them holds some kind of drink, and the whole thing seems like a very intimate, messy, and fun summer party.

"Just jump in and wait for me, okay?!" Lucy adds, already stepping out of sight. "I'm coming!"

"Okay…" Aurora murmurs and chuckles, although it's mostly out of nervousness, since Lucy obviously can't hear her.

And, to be honest, she is too hypnotized to react in any other way. She has barely recovered from Harry's interaction, and now this gigantic, massive yacht in front of her isn't actually making things any less overwhelming.

"Auri?" Harry calls.

She blinks and looks at him, then at his waiting hand. He's already inside the yacht, carrying their bags while he stretches out his arm to offer his help.

Reality barely sinks in, but she shakes her head and walks forward, anyway.

"Right, sorry."

She holds his palm and takes a leap, squeezing him as her feet touch the lowest deck of the yacht and her legs tremble onto the new ground.

And just like that, she goes back to staring at what will practically be her house — their house — for the next two days.

She counts three floors, and whilst she still can't see the ones from above, the one they just jumped into is enough to speak for the entire yacht. There is a pool with an infinity edge right by her feet, and on each side of it two steps that lead into a huge outdoor lounge area. Between a couple of sun loungers there's a massive white couch, and behind said couch more steps, leading to the insides of the yacht.

"Fuck me," she murmurs, then bites her lip and shakes her head. She admires some more and, after a moment, she adds, "I need someone to pinch me right now."

Next to her, Harry snorts, and Aurora turns her head to face him.

He's already watching her, attentively and keenly. His stare never hesitating, never faltering.

"It's not a dream," he murmurs back. "Trust me, I've been pinching myself for hours now."

There's definitely something about the way he looks at her. Something that causes a little bit of everything to run through her body.

It is good. Kind of exciting. But also overwhelming, and certainly unexpected. It makes her stomach flutter, but it also squeezes her chest. Almost as if suffocating her.

So Aurora looks down, and tries to make sense of her thoughts.

Although only then she notices she's still holding his hand, just like Harry's still holding hers. And then the feeling inside her only grows. The rush, the tingling, the trembling. The burning, the pounding, and the quivering. And she doesn't know what to do about it. She doesn't know how to make it stop. And she most certainly doesn't know what it means.

Is she even supposed to do something about it? Is it even supposed to mean anything? Does she really need to make it stop?

"Roryyy!"

Aurora jolts, and she drops Harry's hand.

"Hii!"

Lucy's high-pitched voice echoes from her ear to her brain just as a body crashes against hers, two arms circling her neck. Aurora stumbles and laughs, and Harry's hand quickly lands on her lower back, keeping her in place. She glances at him over her friend's shoulder, finding him by their side with a genuine smile and affectionate gaze.

"Hi, Lu…" She smiles, straight into his eyes.

"You're here!" Lucy says, pulling back and putting her hands on Aurora's shoulders. Forcing Aurora to look at her and finally getting full attention. Lucy's grin is contagious and sincere, and happiness seems to exhale through every cell of her skin. "I was panicking when Niall said your flight got delayed, but now you're here. You're actually here."

Aurora chuckles, grateful for such a heartfelt reaction, but also aware of the turmoil that's still happening inside her. "I am, yes. Well… We are."

She glances at Harry, and Lucy widens her eyes.

"Oh my God, yes! Harry!" She turns to him, and a soft giggle falls through her lips. "Hiii! I'm sorry, I just got too excited seeing Rory."

Harry laughs and embraces Lucy into a hug, holding the bags in place with one hand while circling her shoulders with the other. "It's okay. I know the feeling."

The short interaction plus the hot weather are enough to burst Aurora's body into flames. She feels the sweat in the back of her neck, but mostly the warmth spreading through her cheeks, so she tilts her chin up and searches for their friends, desperate to find a distraction.

Thankfully, Niall and Theo are leaning over the glass railing. Despite being up high and distant, their smiles are easy to see. Just like the sunglasses on their faces and the bottles in their hands.

"Moonshine!" Niall shouts, waving towards himself. "Get your arse up here, c'mon!"

Aurora smiles. She raises her arm to wave at them, then uses her hand to block the sun from her eyes. "Hey guys! You look fancy up there."

"I know!" Niall laughs. "And we'd look even fancier if we left the port, so c'mon!"

Before she can come up with something to say, Lucy comes to a stop next to her, sighing before murmuring, "Oh my God he's insufferable."

They both chuckle, and then Lucy places one hand by her mouth and shouts, "My engagement, my rules, Horan! So no leaving the port 'till I say so!"

Niall gives her a thumbs up, then leans to say something to Theo — which none of them can hear, of course. Aurora shakes her head and lowers her eyes, glancing at Harry one more time.

Unlike Lucy and Aurora, he isn't watching the boys, too focused on the view around them instead. With his head tilted up, he unintentionally gives her access to see his perfect jawline, the facial hair under his chin, and the way his muscles tense when he gulps down. A stunning sight, if one would ask her.

"Okay, so…" Lucy sighs and steps forward, and both Harry and Aurora look at her. She turns to them, she grinning from ear to ear and placing her hands on her hips. "Are you guys hungry? Did you get to eat something?"

"Oh my God, no," Aurora breathes out. "Please. I'm starving."

"Good, 'cause so are we." Lucy giggles. "Is it okay if we grab something to eat before I show you around, then?"

"Of course." Harry nods.

"Yay!" She claps and twirls on her feet, leading the way as her hair moves along with the wind and her one shoulder floral dress. "To be honest, I really wanted to wait for you guys and do a tour for everyone at the same time, but, y'know, I couldn't hold myself… So we already did that… But we have plenty of time so it's okay… Also, apparently there are fancy names for every place, but I can't be bothered with any of that, so I'm in charge of the informal tour. If you want, Theo can take over and tell you a kitchen it's actually called a galley, or gallery, or whatever…"

Aurora blinks, processing her friends' rambling, and Harry chuckles.

"You look really happy, Lu," he points out, beaming at their friend as they go up the steps. "More than usual, I mean."

"You think?" Lucy asks, looking over her shoulder and flickering her eyes between them two.

Aurora smiles, and nods.

Harry's right. She's noticed that about Lucy, too. She can see the way her friend smiles, the way her eyes shine and her entire body trembles with joy.

It isn't something rare to see, because Lucy has always naturally been a very bubbly, cheerful and energetic person. Always the mother of the group, and at the same time the little sister they all want to protect. Her movements always carried a sense of tenderness, of home and family, and at the same time her personality always exhaled sunshine, expensive champagne, and tight-dresses with high-heels.

So, yes, Lucy's always been exactly like that.

And yet, there's something different about her this time.

If Aurora had to guess, she'd probably say it has something to do with the fact that she's about to spend the entire weekend with her friends, celebrating her own engagement to the love of her life.

"Thank you," Lucy says. "I think this is the happiest I've ever been, yeah."

Aurora follows them around the couch and up the steps, trying to remember if her own engagement ever made her feel this happy. Or if getting married to Zack ever made her shine like Lucy's shining right now.

Did loving Zack ever made her feel the happiest she's ever been?

And did Zack's love for her ever made her feel the happiest she could ever be?

She shakes her head, slightly fearing the answers to those questions.

Besides, it doesn't matter, anyway. Not anymore.

Lucy takes them through what she says it's the main living room, where Harry drops their bags on another fancy, white couch, and then through a dining room. All the furniture they walk past looks expensive and extravagant, yet minimalistic and simple at the same time. Once they get through a hallway, Lucy points to a staircase to her side and explains that all bedrooms are downstairs, except for hers and Theo's — of course, since they're taking the biggest suite. Then she points to the bathroom right across from the stairs, and finally takes them through a glass door that leads to the side of the boat.

That's when Harry steps aside, raising one arm and encouraging Aurora to go first. She smiles and thanks him, following Lucy through the first flight of stairs, and through the second one. Watching and listening as her friend looks over her shoulder every two steps just to chat and giggle about the multiple areas of the yacht and how they could all hide from each other in different rooms if they wanted to. Or how they don't need to worry about anything the entire weekend because there's a crew ready to make them food and drinks, and also to help them with whatever they need.

Once they reach the highest part of the yacht, Lucy steps aside and demands everyone's attention, then everyone just focuses on them.

Aurora's still overwhelmed by all the information, but Theo is already there, by the last step, ready to greet her and looking just as excited as Lucy. He pulls her into a hug and thanks her presence, then asks about the flight, and about Noah. She smiles and answers all of his questions, albeit shortly, and then he hugs her again and steps aside, quickly moving on. He turns to Harry, then, excessively shouting about how long it's been since they last saw each other and what the fuck happened to your head.

She laughs, because she figures it's the same kind of excitement she feels with the girls, and then she walks forward, finding Maddie and Ava next to a jacuzzi.

"Oh my God?" she whispers, widening her eyes at Maddie and pointing to the bubbling water.

"I know!" Maddie mouths, chuckling and opening her arms to welcome her. "Welcome to heaven!"

Aurora laughs, and hugs her. "I don't think I'll get used to this place."

"Me neither. I'm so happy you're here tho!"

Maddie squeezes her, and then they spend at least five minutes like that, just hugging and squealing about being together again. Which, considering she was at Aurora's place just days ago, quickly turns into jokes about how dramatic they are and oh my God get away from me now.

Next, her embrace with Ava also lasts another five minutes. However, they truly haven't been in the same room for a long time now, so it's also filled with remarks about how good it is to meet again and how excited they are for that weekend. Also, how they should do more things together and see each other more often.

Jayden steps in next, and as he pulls her into a hug, he also jokes about how they need to think about some new reason to meet, because so far they've been only meeting at wedding ceremonies — first at her and Zack's wedding, then his and Ava's, and now Lucy and Theo's.

That's when he puts Niall and Megan on the spot, throwing at them the responsibility to organize the next meeting — or, in Jayden's own words, the next wedding.

Niall laughs and flips him off, pointing out that as far as he knows that's only Lucy and Theo's engagement party, so they still have the actual wedding to look forward to.

They bicker for a while, and Aurora takes the opportunity to greet Daniel — Jayden's cousin and Niall's old roommate. He's standing by a large table (that is apparently being set up with food) along with Niall and Megan, and he smiles as soon as she gets closer.

"Hey there," he says, placing one arm over her shoulders and giving her a polite, short squeeze into his side.

She's a little bit more awkward with him, and even a little shy. Not really knowing what to say after hello and how are you and nice to see you. They aren't really close, and they probably wouldn't even see each other again if it weren't for the others, but she appreciates him deeply for being the string that tied all of them together in the first place. After all, if it weren't for Daniel, Aurora wouldn't have met Niall. And if she had never met Niall, she also wouldn't have met Harry.

So, in the end, it would've really sucked.

"Ok c'mon," Niall says, tapping his hand on the side of his own leg. "'S my turn. C'mon. C'mon."

She steps away from Daniel's polite half-hug and rolls her eyes, but her mouth is already curving into this excited and big grin.

"Would you calm down for a minute?" she jokes.

"'Course not! Look who's here, huh?" Niall cheers, throwing one arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his side. "Ma moonshine!"

She chuckles, turning towards him and circling her arms around his waist. It's been a while since she's been longing for a proper Niall-bear-hug, so she makes sure to enjoy it the most she possibly can.

"Hi Ni," she whispers, resting her chin on his shoulder and letting a long exhale out of her nose. It's like her entire body loosens up, and she doesn't make any effort to hide it. "I've missed you."

His childish playfulness fades away, and he passes his cold beer to someone behind her before crossing both of his arms around her shoulders and locking her in.

Finally hugging her properly.

Finally hugging her tightly.

"I missed ya too, moonshine," he replies just as softly, rubbing one hand up and down her shoulder blades. "It's been a while, huh?"

She closes her eyes, and nods. "Mhmm."

It's not like they haven't seen each other at all, but they definitely haven't seen each other as much as they could. Or as much as she would've liked to. And she knows she is the only one to blame for that. She knows that Niall tried his best along the years, but she also knows that, unfortunately, Zack didn't seem to understand why she needed to maintain friendships with the opposite sex, so unless Maddie and Lucy were involved, she ended up not meeting with him that much anymore.

Things changed after the break up, though. Niall was one of the only five people — outside from her family — she reached out to. They started meeting up for coffees, and sometimes he and Megan would tag along with her and Noah to the park. So it got better, for sure. Still, it hurts to know she had put so much distance between them, just like it hurts she still struggles so much to let him back into her life.

"Sorry for not answering your calls the past few weeks," she says.

"'S okay… At least you texted, yeah? Would've knocked on your door if not."

She chuckles and pulls away, blinking to look at him.

The knot she improvised earlier on the back of her head doesn't exist anymore, and the light breeze seems to take advantage of that.

"Noah's been asking about you," she says, putting her hair behind her ear.

"Really?!"

The way he beams at the mention of her son's name warms Aurora's heart, and she nods, smiling even wider at him. "Yeah… He says uncle Ni promised to teach him how to play guitar, so… When is he going to come over?"

"Ha!" Niall laughs, dropping his head back for a moment before looking into Aurora's eyes again. His cheeks are pink, and his eyes are glowing. "I did say that, yeah! Said I was gonna buy one for him. We'll arrange one afternoon for me to take him, yeah?"

"Really? You'd do that?"

"Course! Are you kidding? Me and Harry will take him, make it a lads afternoon."

"Oh." Aurora nods, and swallows. "Right."

She looks around, then. Only half aware that the mere mention of his name has her already searching for him.

Harry is by the jacuzzi, chatting with Theo, Ava, and Jayden, moving his hands while sharing some story with them. He looks excited, and happy. He also looks like someone who's been sitting on a plane and inside of a car for too long. Someone who hasn't tamed his hair in a while. Someone who hasn't shaved in three or four days. And someone who clearly doesn't depend on any of that to still look freaking good.

Daniel approaches them and interrupts him, and whatever he says it's enough to completely crack Harry up, because he bends his knees and drops his head back, laughing loudly while raking his fingers through his curls. And the sound coming out of him is so enthusiastic and charged that it almost makes Aurora laugh, too.

Almost, though.

Because, looking at him, she actually doesn't feel like laughing.

She actually doesn't feel like laughing at all.

Can it be possible for her to already miss those moments between them two? Just by themselves? Or is she so needy and lonely that she has irresponsibly already gotten too attached to him?

Harry stretches his body and shakes his head, the smile still huge on his face, then turns his head to where she is.

His eyes meet hers, and Aurora looks away.

Shit.

She blinks and focuses on Niall — again.

"So…" Niall says, putting his hands inside the pockets of his shorts. There is a new look on his face. A look she can't understand, but also a look she doesn't have time to question, because he quickly speaks again. "Talked to him this morning."

"Yeah." Aurora nods. "I know."

She doesn't have to ask who he's talking about, because she already knows. For some very weird and strange reason, she knows. Not because Harry mentioned something about it earlier, but because she just… Knows.

Harry's never been that person she doesn't have to name in a conversation. He's never been the implied subject, he's never even been someone she had something to discuss about. And yet there she is right now, after one failed marriage and a four-year-old waiting for her at home, trying to figure out how the hell Harry suddenly became all she can think about.

"'S it ok that I told him about… Y'know."

"Yes. Don't worry about it."

"'Kay. Did you two have a good flight, then?"

"Mhm. I slept most of the time so… Yes." She nods and peeks over Niall's shoulder, then waves at the girl quietly standing behind him. Almost hiding. "Heyy Megan!"

"Oh, hi." She smiles and gets closer, then embraces her into a quick hug. When they're facing each other again, she asks, "How are you?"

"I'm good, tha—"

"Did Aurora tell you she goes by Mrs. Styles now?"

Aurora widens her eyes, and then turns around.

"Harry!"

He's standing next to Niall now, smirking while holding a bottle of beer. And then their eyes meet and he shrugs. As nonchalant and unworried as he could be.

"What? They're our friends, they deserve to know."

"Know what?" Ava asks, approaching the table along with Jayden and Maddie.

"Nothing," Aurora says.

Harry gasps, and places his hand on his chest. "Ouch. So our marriage means nothing to you?"

Aurora rolls her eyes.

So freaking dramatic.

"Wait, what?" Ava looks at her, then at Harry, then at her again.

Maddie chuckles. "I'm confused."

"I'd say that was fast, but… Y'know," Jayden mumbles.

And then Niall snorts, grabbing Megan by her waist and pulling her closer to him. "Took him fifty years, that's all."

Aurora is only half-listening to what they're saying, because, honestly? She just couldn't care less. She glares at Harry with a frown on her face, instead. Pursing her lips and biting her cheek to make sure her mouth won't turn into a grin.

"Oops," he mouths, then tilts his head to take a sip of beer. Eyes never slipping away from hers.

She shakes her head and crosses her arms. Feeling a buzz of joy spread from her chest to all over her body.

Harry's silly. He really is. Acting like a teenage-boy and making jokes that aren't even funny just to get a reaction out of her. Part of her doesn't understand him and doesn't see the point, but some other part — one that's deep inside and kind of forgotten — feels completely the opposite. Like she doesn't want him to stop being like that. Like she doesn't want him to stop making her happy, making her laugh. Going out of his way just to interact with her. Just to put a smile on her face.

Even if it's just for a day. Even if it's just for this weekend. Even if it's just to make her feel the happiest she can be for the next two days. Before everything goes back to normal again.

"I'm gonna kill you," she mouths back.

Harry smirks, has another sip of beer, and winks. "I know you will."

And Aurora has no idea what he means by that, but she's pretty convinced it's the hottest thing she's seen so far.

It's official now: the crew is back together.

Or that's what Daniel says, then minutes later Aurora catches herself thinking again as she looks around the table and smiles at her friends.

Lucy, Theo, Maddie, Niall, Megan, Ava, Jayden, Daniel, and Harry.

They're all there.

Even she is there.

And she's just so… Happy.

To see everyone after so long feels amazing. It's like they have a lot to catch up on, but also like they can just pick up things exactly where they left them. No need for questions. No need for explanations. No need for apologies. Right now and right there, they all seem to have silently agreed there would be only room for excitement and celebration.

They are all eating and chatting, throwing questions around and making sure they know what's going on in everyone's lives. And they're all so mindful and careful of Aurora's feelings, leaving her out of certain topics and allowing her to stay in silence as much as she wants to.

It's just… Perfect. It really is. She's happy, and she's carefree, and she's just so… Relaxed.

And then Lucy, who's sitting right in front of her, gasps and calls Harry's name, as if she just remembered this huge thing she wanted to ask him about.

Harry hums, acknowledging he's the new topic of the interrogation while chewing his food.

"How's your dad doing?" she asks.

"Oh." He nods and gulps down, then takes a sip of water before answering her. "He's good, yeah. Not used to having the entire house to himself, but, y'know…" He shrugs. "He's alright."

And that's when Aurora frowns, and when she finally feels the need to chime in.

"Wait, what?" She shuffles on her seat and leans in, trying to get a glimpse of Harry over Maddie, Megan and Niall's seats. "Why did your mum move out? Did your parents get divorce?"

Now, if there's one thing that's already been established, it's that Aurora doesn't need any reminders of what a shitty friend she's been. By now, everyone already knows that it's something that constantly haunts her mind and that she's working as much as she can to fix.

Still, she doesn't think there was ever a moment when the truth hit her as loudly and painfully as right then and there.

Because they all go silent. Awkwardly, uncomfortably, and painfully silent. It's like her questions reverberate through everyone around the table only to bounce back to her.

Aurora falls back into her chair, hunching down as she feels her body shrink.

"What?" she whispers, darting her eyes over the faces of those she can see. They avoid her just as much as she tries to reach them, though, and her heart speeds up. "What did I say, guys? What did I do?"

"Auri," Harry calls.

"Babe," and Maddie whispers at the same time, placing her hand over her knee and leaning closer to her ear. "Harry's mum passed away."

Aurora widens her eyes. "W-what? I—When? I didn't—"

"I know." Maddie nods. "It was a few months ago."

Niall speaks next — Aurora knows because she recognizes his voice, but she doesn't catch what he says. And when everyone starts talking again, Aurora just tunes them out.

"Oh my God," she breathes out. "Maddie… I just… I had no idea."

"I know. We all know. It's okay."

It isn't, though.

"When was this? What… I mean… Did you all know about it?"

"I think so, yeah."

"And why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry, it's just… It was around the time you were getting your divorce, y'know? And we just… I think we figured you had a lot going on already."

"Well, yeah… But his mum passed away, Maddie. His mum."

Aurora rubs her forehead.

God, it just… It just breaks her heart, to be honest. She knows how close they were, how highly he always spoke of her, so she knows it must've been a really tough time for him. Especially if he was living on the other side of the world and away from everyone. Away from his family, and away from his friends.

Did he even have anyone in the US to help him get through that?

Was his ex there for him when it happened?

Aurora hopes she wasn't.

No! Wait—What?

Shit.

No, that's not true.

Of course not.

Hopefully he was still dating when it happened.

Hopefully he had someone by his side.

Hopefully his break up didn't happen around that same time.

Is that the reason why he doesn't want to talk about relationships?

Is that the reason why he said he isn't in the mood for relationships?

Holy shit.

Why is she even thinking about this right now?!

"A little heads up would've been nice, that's all," Aurora says, shrugging while staring at the horizon.

It's a little after four when the girls finally get a moment just for themselves. They're still on what Theo said it's called the sun deck — although Aurora still considers it to be just the top floor of the boat — sitting around the table whilst the boys have moved their conversation somewhere downstairs.

"God, I know!" Maddie says, now sitting across from her. "I'm sorry. I literally only remembered once it was already happening."

"I'm sorry, too," Lucy says. "I kinda went into panic mode because I'm the one who brought it up."

"It's not a big deal, tho'." Ava shrugs, and smiles softly at her. As if she's trying to reassure her and apologize at the same time. "I mean, it's not like you just decided to ignore the information or forgot about it. You genuinely didn't know."

"Yeah." Maddie nods. "And he knows that."

"Besides," Ava adds, "it's Harry, so… You two will be fine, Rory."

Aurora nods, and grabs her necklace between her fingers. She knows they'll be fine. And she knows Harry isn't mad at her. She also knows it wasn't the girls' fault, so she isn't mad at them. She isn't even mad, to begin with. She's just… Disappointed. And sad.

She's disappointed in herself. And she's really sad that she wasn't there for Harry. But she's mostly sad that he spent all that time at the airport listening to her while she cried over her marriage, but didn't feel comfortable enough to tell her about his own mother passing away. Not even when he brought her up in the car.

"Rory?" Maddie calls.

Aurora blinks, and turns her head.

The girls are all watching her. Studying her with that same worried, careful, and wary look they've been sharing around her since she made a fool of herself.

"It's fine," she says, pulling her mouth into a smile and fidgeting with the pendant of her necklace. "Can we just, y'know, change the subject now?"

Lucy and Maddie share a look, and then they share a look with Ava. Meanwhile Megan bites her nail and shifts her eyes between everyone.

Aurora sighs, and rolls her eyes. They're all just trying to protect her. She knows that. But they're trying so hard right now that she's starting to wonder if, perhaps, it's having the opposite effect, instead.

"Guys, c'mon," Aurora says. "Look, it was awkward, okay? And embarrassing. So of course I'm feeling weird right now. But can we please move on? Like, I just… I just need things to be normal."

"We're just worried about you," Lucy murmurs next to her.

"I know." Aurora nods. "And I know I gave you reasons to be worried, so I really appreciate that. But I… I don't know. This is the first time I'm hanging out with everyone in years, y'know? So I'm pretty sure there'll be more awkward moments 'till Sunday and I just… I don't know. I need things to be normal."

Aurora shrugs, unable to finish the reasoning inside her mind. She wants her friends to make things less awkward, that's all. Maybe it's selfish of her to ask that of them, but… It is what she wants.

Ava clears her throat, and shifts on her chair. "Yeah. I get it. Let's not make a big deal out of it. I'm sure you'll feel better once you talk to him."

Aurora sighs and nods, brushing her thumb over the pendant of her necklace. "Exactly."

Something she doesn't want to do in front of everyone, but she will do. She's just waiting for the right moment to approach him. That's all.

"Great," Ava says, facing forwards and staring at Lucy, who's right across from her. "So, I have a question, what the bloody hell are we supposed to do with this much space, huh?"

"Oh my God, I know!" Lucy squeals and giggles, and Aurora feels herself smiling again, too.

Changing the subject is good, and exactly what she needs. Although it doesn't erase the fact that she still needs to talk to him, of course. Because she still needs to apologize. She wants to apologize.

At first, she thought she'd get to do it right after lunch, but then Theo announced they were about to leave the port and Aurora didn't miss a beat before running downstairs to grab her phone.

Eight hours had gone by and she still hadn't heard a word from Zack. A tiny part of her inevitably wondered if everything was okay, but to be honest the majority of her just hated him. She ended up, then, writing another message, this time with clenched teeth and rushed fingers. Letting him know she'd be probably out of reach from then on, but that she'd still try to call and say goodnight to Noah. Adding, at the end, if i call, please pick up.

After that, when she met everyone again, they all got together to take pictures of the moment they left the city behind. And then Lucy opened a bottle of champagne, and they all shared a toast to their soon to be married friends.

Amidst the happy emotions, one thing led to another, and before she got the chance to reach out to Harry and ask for a private minute of his time, he was already out of her sight and gone with the rest of the boys — which she didn't think it would be fair to interrupt.

"This is actually Theo's grandparents gift, so we're still getting used to it," Lucy says, and for some reason it just brings Aurora back to the conversation.

"What?!" She lets go of her necklace, widening her eyes and sitting upright while turning to her side. "They gave you this yacht?!"

They all look at her, and Lucy laughs.

"Wha—No! Not the entire thing, silly! Just a week on this yacht."

"Ohhh!" Aurora exhales through her mouth, then relaxes on the chair. She chuckles lightly, waving her own question off. "Okay, yeah, that makes sense now."

"To be fair," Megan says, so timidly and softly Aurora almost doesn't hear her, "from the little I've seen, coming from those two it wouldn't actually surprise me at all."

Lucy snorts. "Right?"

They all look at Megan and nod, a clear attempt of making her feel welcome in the conversation.

It is nice to see her spontaneously joining in. She's been dating Niall for a little less than a year now, and even though she's previously met or at least talked to everyone so far, this is the first time she's actually hanging out with all of them at once. So she's still getting comfortable around them. And Aurora relates to that, even if for different reasons.

"You still don't get along with them?" Ava asks.

"God, no." Lucy shakes her head, then takes a sip of her margarita. "So obnoxious. Hate them."

There's a beat of silence, until Maddie stretches her arms over her head and sighs loudly.

"Well," she says, "for what it's worth, I'm really glad they spent all this money on you guys."

"Yeah!"

"Mhmm."

"Me too!"

"Ugh, yes!" Lucy says. "I'm so happy we are all here."

"It doesn't feel real, to be honest," Aurora says, drifting her eyes around them.

They didn't actually leave Amalfi, but they sailed enough to anchor where they'd be fully surrounded by crystal-clear waters and have a breathtaking view of the deep blue sea meeting the bright blue sky.

There's no music playing anymore, the boys are laughing somewhere, and the sun shines brightly and warmly above them. Sometimes, a soft breeze surprises them, but Aurora always catches herself smiling at it. And sometimes even giggling at the shivering that runs through her arms. Because it's refreshing, and reassuring. And she can't remember a single moment in her life when she's felt like that.

Like there's nothing but peacefulness surrounding them.

Peacefulness.

Quietness.

Delight.

Bliss.

Joy.

Happiness.

Aurora throws her head back and closes her eyes, giving more room for the sun to warm up her skin. Her face, her chest, her neck.

So,

So relaxing.

"Girls," Ava murmurs, almost whispering.

"Hm?" someone says.

Aurora blinks, looking at her friend while trying to adjust her blurry sight. Maddie, Megan and Lucy are all looking at her, too.

So Ava leans into the table, and shares with them what feels like the biggest revelation. A secret that's only for them to hear, and only for them to know. "You know I'm banging my husband here tonight, right?"

There's only a second of dead silence, and then they all burst into laughter.

Aurora laughs, too, but she also rolls her eyes and looks away — not surprised at all with the revelation, but also not really sharing the sentiment. Or excited about it.

It's been too long since she's had sex for the last time, and no matter how much she misses it, it's not something that's crossing her mind right now. Not when she knows it's so out of her reach. Not when she knows it won't happen anytime soon anyway.

"C'mon," Ava says, still whispering. "I can't be the only one thinking about it… Megan?"

"I mean…" Megan murmurs, and Aurora peeks to look at her. She's sitting next to Ava, looking down at the table almost as if she doesn't want to think about it. But then she shrugs, trying her best to keep a smile out of her face, and reveals quite the opposite. "Our suite is pretty tempting, so… There might've been some talking about it already."

"Yes!" Ava cheers. "I knew it!"

"Ohh I love this." Lucy giggles, drumming her hands on the table. "And you totally should go for it. We've been doing it for days now and it's just… Ugh."

She rolls her eyes and drops her head back, causing Aurora to shake her head and laugh again.

That's why she's so happy, then.

"Speaking of which…" Ava turns to her side and points at Maddie. "Are you still going out with that girl from the gym?"

Maddie shakes her head, then grabs a grape from the table and throws it into her mouth.

Aurora already knows the story, so although she keeps paying attention to the conversation, she closes her eyes and drops her head back. Once again comfortably enjoying the sun.

"She ghosted me like… Two weeks ago," Maddie says.

"What?" Lucy gasps. "No! C'mon, I was rooting for her!"

"It's fine." Maddie waves her off, then grabs another grape. "I'm too old for this, anyway. If she ghosted me then she's not good enough for me."

Ava whistles, and even with her eyes closed, Aurora smiles and nods. Maddie tends to suffer more than she lets people know, but her confidence and willingness to try again, and again, is something Aurora really admires from her.

"Damn," Lucy says, standing from her chair. "If you'll excuse me, I'll toast to that. Who wants another margarita?"

"I do," Megan says. "Please."

"Ava? Maddie?"

"Nope."

"I'll have a martini," Maddie says, batting her eyelashes. "Please."

"'Kay. Rory?"

"I'm good, thanks," Aurora blindly says, aware she didn't even finish the first one yet.

"Be back in a minute, then."

"What about you, huh?" Ava asks. "Have you met anyone?"

There's silence around them. Only the sounds coming from the water and the boys talking and laughing somehow reach Aurora's ears. She tries to make out Harry's voice, but it's too muffled for her to point it out.

"Rory?"

Aurora opens her eyes, and blinks.

Ava, Maddie and Megan are all looking at her. Lucy isn't there anymore.

"Wait, you're asking me that question?"

"Well, yes."

She lifts her eyebrows, and shifts on her seat.

"Me. You are asking me if I've met anyone?"

"Yes," Ava chuckles. "I'm asking you, Aurora Fletcher."

"Actually," Maddie says, placing a hand on Ava's shoulder. "I heard it's Mrs. Sty—"

"Don't." Aurora jolts, pointing a finger at her. "Don't even say it."

Maddie chuckles, then raises her palms and leans back against her chair. "Ooookay then."

Aurora drops her hand to the table and shakes her head, unable to hide the smile.

She's going to kill Harry for spreading that bullshit to everyone.

"So," Ava insists. "Did you or did you not?"

"Ava, c'mon. Of course not."

"And do you want to meet anyone?"

"Not right now, no."

"Why not?"

"Plenty of reasons."

"Name one," Maddie says, and Aurora sighs.

She's already had that exact same conversation with Maddie days ago, so she knows where she's trying to get at — she wants Aurora to admit she's ready to date people.

Which, of course, she isn't.

"C'mon, I just got divorced."

Ava furrows her brows, then turns to Maddie. "Didn't she divorce like… Four months ago?"

"Six, actually," Maddie says. "But they broke up months before that."

"Hmm…" She turns back to Aurora, then. "And how long are you supposed to wait 'till the memory of your shitty husband releases you from its chains?"

Aurora gasps, and so do Maddie and Megan.

And then they all laugh.

"Oh I love you, Av," Maddie murmurs, grabbing another grape and shaking her head.

Ava shrugs. "I mean, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna pretend I don't want you to put that asshole behind you, y'know."

Aurora rolls her eyes, then looks away. "Still, It's not just that."

"What is it, then?"

"I have to focus on Noah right now."

"You can focus on Noah and still meet someone, tho," Megan says.

Aurora turns to look at her, and so do Ava and Maddie.

"Oh my God." Megan widens her eyes, clearly speaking her mind when she didn't intend to. "Rory, I'm so sorry. I—"

"Don't apologize," Maddie says. "I told her the exact same thing the other day."

"Yeah, and it's exactly what I was thinking," Ava backs her up, too.

Aurora laughs, and groans. "Girls, c'mon. Where am I even supposed to meet people? I don't… I never even leave the house."

"You left the house this weekend, didn't you?" Ava shrugs.

"Well, yeah, but…" Aurora rolls her eyes. "Y'know."

"But what?"

"But we are on a yacht?"

"And…?"

"Oh c'mon!" She laughs. "I'm here with you guys. Unless you want me to, I don't know, meet the captain or something, I don't know who I'm supposed to meet this weekend."

"Mhmm… Ok then." Ava nods, and purses her lips. "So there's absolutely no-one, I mean no-one on this boat, that you could see yourself with?"

"What?" Aurora chuckles, drifting her eyes between her friends. "Of course not!"

Ava raises her eyebrows. "You sure?"

"Ava! Yes, I'm sure! What are you even—"

"I'm back!" Lucy shouts, and Aurora shuts her mouth.

All four of them turn to look at the stairs, waiting for their friend to come into sight.

It takes Lucy a few seconds, but eventually she reaches the last step. Grinning, beaming, while holding a new glass in her hand.

"Well, actually we are back." She giggles, walking past the jacuzzi and towards the table. "'Cause, y'know, I couldn't bring everything by myself so…"

And then, Harry comes into view, too.

He's holding a tray with four other glasses, biting his bottom lip while focusing on not spilling or dropping anything. Everything about him looks casual, and distracted. But apparently it is more than enough for Aurora's heart to stop for a second, and then speed up.

"Some might say it's a coincidence," Maddie whispers, and although she's looking at Ava, she's loud enough for Aurora to listen as well. "Others might say it's fate."

"I know!" Ava gasps and chuckles, then shifts on her chair and straightens her back. She looks at Maddie over her shoulder, then at Aurora, then back at Maddie. "I say it's fate, by the way."

Aurora narrows her eyes. "What are you to—"

"Harry, hi!" Ava says with a smile, intentionally cutting Aurora off while she faces him. The tone of her voice already suggests she's up to something (and that she isn't being subtle about it), but then she also crosses her arms on the table and leans into them, which seems to make it even worse. "How are you?"

Harry peeks at her, then furrows his brows. "Uhm… Good?"

Lucy takes her seat once again, then leans closer to Aurora and whispers, "I know you said no, but there's one for you anyway."

Aurora licks her lips. "Oh, okay. Thank—"

"You're single, aren't you?"

Aurora shuts her mouth and looks at Ava, a slight sense of panic invading her soul.

What is she doing?

Ava is still looking at Harry, though, so Aurora looks at him, too.

"What?" he asks, placing the tray on the table and narrowing his eyes. He shifts his gaze to Ava, then to Megan, and then across from them, to Lucy.

"Oh don't look at me," she says with a shrug. "I have no idea."

"It's just a question," Ava says, and shrugs. "Are you single or not?"

Harry looks back to Ava, then.

"Yes. Why?"

"Mhmm…" Ava nods. "Interesting. And are you looking to meet anyone, or…?"

Aurora's belly swirls.

Fucking hell. She's going to kill Ava.

Harry shifts on his feet, watching Ava with a look that's hard to understand, and then he darts his eyes straight into Aurora's gaze.

And Aurora holds her breath.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Holy shit.

It's been only an hour or so since she got to stare into the green of his eyes, but it's like she's been missing it, because she doesn't want to let go of it. And she should let go of it.

Right?

A moment of silence goes by, and Aurora's heart thumps loudly inside her chest.

"Why?" he asks, right into her eyes. "Do you know someone?"

Oh God. Why can't she let go of it?!

"Maybe…" Ava says, the hint of a hidden message loud and clear in her voice.

And Aurora feels the shift in the air. How everything gets heavier somehow. How her ribcage gets smaller and her heart doesn't have enough space to beat as widely as it needs.

So she looks down to her hands, not really wanting to be a part of that conversation anymore. Or not really knowing how to be a part of that conversation anymore. Because, honestly, what is going on?!

Are her friends trying to set her up with Harry?

"Right." Harry clears his throat, then chuckles. "Well, let me know if that ever changes to a yes, then."

There's a beat of silence, but Aurora is too stunned to check what's happening.

"Oh we will," Maddie eventually says. "Don't worry."

Ava clears her throat. "Yes. But I think you'll know, tho."

Oh God…

Aurora's nauseous. And overheated. And breathless. Plus, she's pretty sure her heart is having an arrhythmia right now.

She can't take her eyes off her hands, but she absorbs the seconds of silence as he seems to walk away, and also drinks in from his voice when he speaks again.

"Oh, by the way, you're being summoned downstairs for a jump in the water."

"Oh, yes! That's right!" Lucy says. "We'll be there in a minute."

"Ok."

That's the last thing she hears from him, and then all the girls just stay in silence. As if watching him walk away.

A few painful moments go by, until they all erupt into giggles and squeals — all but Aurora, of course.

"Oh my God!" Ava breathes out. "What was that? The tension? You guys left me speechless! Me!"

"Rory, I'm begging you, please," Lucy says, grabbing her arm. "Please tell me you saw the way he looked at you."

"I—What—" Aurora blinks. And shakes her head. And laughs. And mumbles. All at once. All at the same time. Confused. Dazzled. Puzzled. "Who—I mean, what?!"

"Oh my God!" Lucy squeals, and giggles. "Look at you! You're blushing!"

Aurora shakes her head, then covers her cheeks with her hands. "No I'm not!"

"Girls," Maddie chuckles. "

She was looking right back at him

"And of course she saw the way he looked at her," Megan chuckles. "C'mon, she was looking right back at him!"

"What? No I wasn't."

"Yes, oh my God! You totally were!"

"What happened in that plane, huh?"

"Did you join the mile high club?"

"What?!"

"Oh my goodness, did you really?"

"No!"

"Did your flight really get delayed?"

"Because it's totally okay if it didn't!"

"Totally, yes!"

"Oh my God! Girls!"

"It's that why he's been calling you Mrs. Styles?"

Aurora laughs, rubs her forehead, and stands from her seat. "I—I can't… I need to—"

"This's so cute!"

Aurora shakes her head, walking towards the stairs. "I'm not doing this."

"Roryyy, come here!"

"Nope," she says, reaching the stairs.

"Oh, c'mon!"

"I just… I need to use the bathroom."

"Bathroom. Mhmm…" Maddie shouts, her voice filled with teasingness and playfulness. "You go, babes. And say hello to Harry from me!"

Aurora rolls her eyes and flips them off, then follows the same path Harry went through just minutes ago. And although she tries to keep a serious expression on her face, the truth is that she can't — she just can't — get rid of that foolish, silly, and incredibly stupidly huge smile that's creeping on her mouth. She just can't.

So she doesn't.

The moment Aurora leaves the bathroom is the exact same moment Harry reaches the last step of the stairs, and they both bump into each other.

He places his hands on her shoulders, as if keeping her in place, but also maybe just holding himself.

"Ops."

"Sorry."

Aurora chuckles, and Harry chuckles.

He slides his hands off her shoulders, and she takes a step back, looking him up and down. And she doesn't mean to do that — she swears she doesn't mean to do it — but Harry changed his clothes and she just can't help herself. Because instead of being black with flamingos on it, his shirt is beige now. And instead of pants, now he's wearing black swimming shorts. And instead of those cute yellow shoes, now he's wearing white flip flops. And there's just so…

Shit.

Aurora swallows.

There's just so much new skin suddenly exposed. So much tanned skin. Inked skin. And also perfectly carved abs. And manly, dark body hair.

Shit.

She licks her lips.

He's just so…

You know…

So…

She closes her eyes.

Fucking shit, he is just so fucking hot.

Harry clears his throat, and Aurora blinks.

The smirk is blatantly obvious on his face, and a wave of heat spreads from Aurora's chest to the back of her neck, and all over her cheeks.

Thankfully, he doesn't say anything about the fact that she's been openly staring at his body. And that he clearly noticed it. Instead, he tilts his head towards the stairs, motioning to the floor — deck — where he was coming from when they bumped into each other.

"I left your bag in your bedroom," he says. "I hope that's okay."

"Oh, mhm, of course." She nods. "Thank you."

"Of course."

He nods, too, then settles comfortably inside her eyes.

Green irises holding her captive yet all over again.

There's a beat of silence, and the distant voices of their friends are the only reminder she has that they aren't alone anymore.

"I don't really know where my bedroom is, tho."

Harry chuckles.

A beautiful sight that has her smiling, too.

"It's right next to mine," he says. "Theo said you're sharing with Maddie?"

"Oh." She nods. "Right."

She didn't know that, but it makes sense. Since they're the only two girls who don't have a boyfriend or husband to share a bed with. And all that.

"Want me to take you there?"

"To my bedroom?"

"I mean, yes. To show you where it is."

"Oh…" Aurora bites the insides of her bottom lip, and nods.

Does she want Harry to take her downstairs and show her the bedroom while all of their friends are upstairs? Ye— No!

Shit.

Aurora shakes her head. Vehemently. "I mean, no. Thanks. It's fine. I mean, I'm sure Lucy wants to show me around. Stuff like that. Y'know."

"Right, yeah. That's true."

Another beat of silence.

And another one.

"Are you girls coming outside with us?"

"Mhm…" Aurora nods. "We'll… Y'know… We'll probably have to change first, but… Yeah. Mhm. Change our clothes. Then we'll go."

Oh my God? Why the fuck is she suddenly acting like this? What's wrong with her?

"Oh, of course."

Harry clears his throat and looks down at his feet, then another beat of silence echoes between them.

A long one, by the way.

"So…" He speaks again, and moves back into her eyes. "How are you doing? Everything good so far?"

"Mhm, thanks!" Aurora smiles, trying her best to keep herself together. "I'm having a really good time. Yeah."

Harry smiles, too. "Good. Glad to hear that."

Another beat of silence.

And another one.

Harry lifts his arm, and points behind him.

"Well, I should probably—"

"Wait!"

Harry drops his arm back to his side, and tilts his head. "Yeah?"

"I'm just…" Aurora closes her hands into fists, and presses her lips together for a moment. Making sure her voice is softer and calmer when she speaks next. And that her words will, at least, make sense. "I'm sorry… About your mum."

Harry blinks, then curves his mouth into a gentle and caring smile. "I know. Thank you, Auri."

Auri.

Her heart skips a beat. She'd no idea she would suddenly miss a nickname that no-one but him ever used. A nickname that up until that morning she didn't even remember existed in the first place.

"I'm also really sorry for not knowing, and for not being there for you when it happened."

Harry sighs. "I don't want you to apologize for that. I mean, I realized you didn't know when you asked about her in the car, so… It's fine. Really. I don't want you to stress over this."

"Okay… But I just…" She shakes her head. "Look, I just want to make sure you know I'm sorry, okay? Because I care about you and I don't want you to think I don't. So, I don't know, can you please just… Maybe just say okay? And thank you? And then we leave it at that?"

The look on his face and the soft, timid smile reveal more than she needs to know, but it gets even better when he chuckles, and then when he still reassures her with his words. "Thank you Auri."

"Good. Thank you." She smiles, too. "Now, can I just… I mean… Can I at least give you a hug? I know it's a late hug but, y'know…"

She shrugs, and Harry grins at her.

"You really think you need my permission to hug me?"

"I don't—I don't know!" Aurora chuckles. "What if I just go for it and you don't… Y'know. Don't want to, or… I don't know."

He rolls his eyes and steps closer, already reaching for her waist.

"Just shut up and c'mere," he says, sliding his hands and arms around her back, then pulling her into his chest.

Aurora smiles and stands on her tiptoes, circling his neck with both arms while resting her chin on his shoulder.

And then, she sighs. Because that feels really nice. And really good.

Harry squeezes her, gently but tightly, then pulls his head back slightly, just to be able to press a kiss to her cheek.

It's wet, and it's loud. And her skin tickles.

She bites her lip, and he moves his mouth closer to her ear. Curls and stubble brushing over her.

"Thank you," he murmurs, slightly digging his fingertips into her back — almost, almost, pushing her closer to him. "Just so y'know tho, you should always go for it. And I always want to."

Her belly flutters, and she closes her eyes.

He just keeps doing those things… Saying those things… You know? And it's just… It's just so… Confusing? Because, honestly, 'I always want to'? What does he even mean by that? Who says something like that?

"Yesss!" Ava shouts, and it doesn't take a second for Aurora to pull away from their embrace.

Blinking. Suddenly flushed. Suddenly dizzy. Suddenly out of breath. Suddenly feeling her heart thump so loudly inside her that she's convinced it'll burst out of her chest.

"She's here!"

Harry's eyes are soft on her, though. Calm. As if he's completely unaware of what he's doing to her. Or maybe as if he's aware of it, but completely satisfied with her reaction.

Either way, it's like he is… Reassuring her. Like he's trying to let her know that it's not a big deal. And that it's okay. Because it's him, y'know? And it's always been okay with him. So why wouldn't it also be okay now? Confusing, but still okay.

Or…

Maybe it's none of that. Maybe she is just projecting, because maybe she is the one trying to reassure herself.

Who knows.

Either way, it somehow works. Because she takes a deep breath in, and her heartbeat slows down.

"Yes, he's here too!" Ava shouts again. "You owe me five bucks!"

Aurora and Maddie's room it's simple, minimalistic and fancy — pretty much like the entire yacht.

Her duffel bag is on top of the queen size bed she'll be sharing with Maddie, and there's a window allowing the daylight to brighten up the space. There are also two bedside tables, a wardrobe, and a tv. Plus enough room for all of them to comfortably hang out together while she rummages through her things to find a change of clothes.

Ava, Lucy and Megan are comfortable on the bed, Maddie stands around the wardrobe while she puts her own stuff away, and Aurora sits on the floor, right by her bedside table.

"Can you hand me my bag, please?" she asks.

"Sure." Megan grabs it from her feet and brings it closer to her reach.

"Thanks."

"I'll just ask one last question," Lucy says, sitting against the headboard and next to Megan. "And then I promise we won't touch the subject again, ok?"

Aurora drops her bag by her side, between her thigh and the bedside table, then nods.

"'Kay," she says, bending her legs by the knees and looking at her. "One last question, then."

"How are things with Zack? Is he treating you better?"

She purses her lips and scratches her nose, mulling over the words to make sure she gives them the most honest answer she's able to.

After Ava found her and Harry sharing a hug, the girls spent as much time as they could teasing the hell out of her — no matter how many times she told them it wasn't like that and it didn't mean anything more than a hug between two friends.

The jokes only stopped when each moved to their own bedroom to change into swimsuits. Minutes later, when they met again in Aurora and Maddie's room, they kept laughing about the most random and insignificant things, not really putting her on the spot anymore.

So it kind of felt natural that the conversation eventually ended up shifting back to Aurora's life, mostly because it was clear her friends still had questions to discuss.

Which doesn't surprise her, but it also doesn't thrill her.

"Sometimes, yes," Aurora says. "We still fight a lot over Noah, tho. Like, he doesn't like the fact that I signed him up for preschool, so he keeps messing up his routine, and then I'm the one who has to deal with Noah's tantrums. So, y'know, sometimes it's just really exhausting, but—"

"Wait," Ava says, laying on her stomach and resting her chin on the palm of her hand. "He doesn't want Noah to go to preschool? Why?"

Aurora shrugs — although she knows the answer pretty well.

"Because I did it so I could go back to work, and Zack doesn't want me to."

"Sorry," Megan says. "He doesn't want you to work?"

Aurora shakes her head. "Nope. I mean, it's not going to stop me from doing it" — not anymore, at least — "but he definitely never planned for me to go back."

Ava shakes her head. "That's really fucked up."

"God I hate him so much," Maddie mumbles, her face hidden inside the wardrobe.

"I know…" Aurora sighs, and shrugs. "And guys, I love Noah, ok? I really love him. It's not like I want to work because I don't want to take care of him. I swear. I just—"

"Rory, stop," Lucy says, pulling her hair into a bun on the top of her head. "We all know that."

"Yeah," Ava says, sitting up in bed. "That's not something you need to clarify. Nobody would ever doubt how much you love Noah."

"You're such a great mum," Megan says.

"Damn you are," Maddie says. She takes a step back from the wardrobe and turns around, holding a pair of earrings and white sunglasses. "Zack never did half of what you do, he never stopped one minute of his day to take care of Noah, or to be a decent husband to you, but he still expects your entire life to stop? C'mon!"

The girls agree, murmuring yeah, and exactly, or nodding along.

"The only reason why he thinks he's allowed to be a dick to you," Maddie adds, "it's 'cause he has one."

"Totally, yeah," Ava says. "He doesn't even deserve to have a dick, in the first place."

"Who's got a dick?" Niall asks, popping his head into the room and smirking at them.

"Maddie," Ava jokes, sitting on the mattress and crossing her legs.

Niall walks in and hums, tapping Aurora's head before sitting on the bed, next to his girlfriend. He kisses Megan's cheek and smiles, then turns to look at the girls and places his hand on Megan's thigh. Just like Zack used to do.

Aurora looks away, then turns and kneels in front of her bag, facing all the clothes she doesn't feel comfortable enough to wear.

It's hard to stop the memories from taking over her mind, though.

And she knows it's a really small gesture, but it's also one that Zack used to do to her a lot — albeit in a different way, or for different reasons. It happened usually at Zack's business dinners and under the tables, but sometimes he would do it when they were around family and friends, too. He never explained the code to her, but somehow Aurora still learned it — Zack would put his hand on her thigh and squeeze twice, and she would know it was time for her to shut up and stop embarrassing him.

"Sometimes I wish I had," Maddie says, and Aurora scratches her nose. Then her temple. Then her forehead. Almost as if pushing her thoughts away. Pushing her memories away. "But right now we're actually talking about Zack's dick."

"Oh…" Niall clears out his throat, then chuckles. Sounding as awkward and uncomfortable as Aurora feels. "Right… Maybe we should keep his name out of this trip, yeah? Or at least his dick."

Aurora twists her fingers around the fabric of her swimsuit, listening to the conversation but not really engaging with it.

She's the only one who isn't ready yet. The only one who still hasn't changed her clothes. The only one who still isn't comfortable enough to show off her body to all of her friends.

"We were just saying having a dick doesn't allow him to question Aurora's decisions, babe," Megan says.

"Ohhh," Niall said.

"Especially as a mother," Ava added.

"Moonshine," Niall calls. He touches her shoulder, and Aurora peeks at him through the corner of her eyes. "Y'know I'll gladly cut his dick off, right? Anytime. Just gotta say the word."

Aurora laughs and shifts around, sitting on her heels as she looks at her friends taking over her bed — plus Maddie, now standing by the window on the opposite side.

"Thanks guys. But I think—" She shakes her head. "No, I know I'm gonna be okay. So I agree with Ni, I think we should keep his name out of the conversation."

"And his dick," Niall points out, raising a finger.

Aurora chuckles.

"Especially his dick. I mean, it wasn't even a good dick anyway."

She shrugs, but the loud laughter that erupts from everyone ends up making her grin, too.

And just like that, as everyone tries to catch their breaths again and engage into different conversations, Aurora feels light and breeze again. So she pulls her swimsuit from her bag and gets up, finally getting enough courage to take the next step.

She turns around, then, and falls straight into Harry's eyes.

Shit.

He's standing by the door, leaning on his shoulder and smirking at her. Watching her. Holding an expression she hasn't seen so far. It isn't an affectionate smile, it also isn't a sweet or careful smirk. And his gaze is so intense that she feels her body warming up — that she feels herself blushing.

It seems as if he is holding himself from saying something cheeky. Or as if he's keeping a secret. As if he knows something that she doesn't, and as if he's enjoying it.

She breathes in, then holds the fabric tightly with both hands and steps forward.

"What?" she murmurs, getting closer to him and trying to keep their friends out of the conversation.

"Nothing." He shrugs, stepping aside to let her get through the door. "Just listening, that's all."

Aurora nods. "Mhm. Okay, then."

When she walks past him, she notices how he follows the movement of her body and turns around. And also how he crosses his arms on his chest and leans his back against the narrow wall that separates their bedroom doors.

Once again, a fluttery feeling settles in her belly. And as she moves towards the bathroom, she does her best to avoid it. And also to ignore the way his eyes keep burning into her.

She can't, though. So when she grabs the doorknob of the bathroom door, she holds herself tightly, and turns her head as much as she can, watching him over her shoulder.

He's still watching her, carefully, although now his sight seems to be too low to meet her eyes.

"Harry?"

Harry drifts his eyes up, meeting her stare.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." He shrugs. "Just… Watching. That's all."

She lifts her eyebrows. "Mhm. What were you just watching, then?"

He shrugs again, but he also smirks — and he smirks in such a way that, even before he opens his mouth, she knows he's about to lie.

"The back of your head?"

Aurora stares at him blankly for a second, and then she snorts. And laughs. She doesn't know what to say, though, so she faces forward and opens the door. As if she doesn't know Harry was just checking her out. And as if he didn't just playfully admit he was. Or as if she doesn't care about any of that.

And yet, as she steps forward and feels he's still watching, she maybe slows down a little. And maybe she makes sure to sway her hips. Maybe, though. And also just a little. Just in case.

Because maybe, maybe, if Harry's watching, Aurora wants to make sure he's taking a good look. And maybe, she wants him to enjoy the view. And maybe she wants him to like what he sees when he looks at her.

Maybe, though.

Of course.

Hi! If you've made it here, thank you for reading. You have absolutely no idea how much it means to me.

PART 4 (II)

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles au

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burn-towns-get-money · 1 year

Text

@mintso / @milliin

Happy @d20exchange! Here is the second gift. I ended up creating an interview type series where the interviewer has to interview The Bad Kids. For your gift though, I just wrote for Adaine and Riz as they were listed as your favourites!

I definitely wanted to go for a different approach for a character focus, hopefully you like it! Please read the whole article under the read more.

Gift One | Adaine Abernant | Gift Three

Interview with: Adaine Abernant

Written by Apricotflyer

It sometimes takes a while to track down the students we interview, and none are more elusive than the Oracle herself. She has been declining our invitations, but there is a deadline to meet and having 5 out of 6 interviews from an Adventuring Party isn't great on my record either. So on the day my photographer calls, I'm running. She's in the library.

A library isn't the ideal place for a tell-all chat, but as a journalist, I know how to adapt to any environment. Running in - out of breath - I spot her as our faithful photographer corners the elf. Her skin is dark, tight curls of pale blonde hair framing her face. Blue eyes glare behind round glasses. She knows it is too late to escape.

Adaine Abernant is The Oracle, and a member of the well-known adventuring party The Bad Kids. She also studies as a divination wizard. Over the past two years, her adventuring party has been on two massive adventures that have saved the world. And she's been experiencing a lot of personal growth too, which it excited me to ask about.

Hello Oracle, it's an honor to finally interview you.

Adaine: It's Adaine. And I never agreed to this. It must be a breach of something.

Principal Aguefort encourages freedom of speech, actually.

Adaine: That means I'm free to not continue this interview then. Goodbye.

Wait, wait, wait! You can't leave.

Adaine: Are you serious?

Just answer the questions and then it will be over. What is it like being with the Bad Kids?

Adaine: Fine. They're my friends, maybe a bit chaotic, but I enjoy hanging out with them.

Well, that's boring. Can't you give us some gossip? We've heard about your difficult relationship with your sister, and that she was part of the first plot to take over the world. How did it feel to find that out? Have you reconciled with her?

Adaine: What's with the shift in tone? I thought this was about my adventuring party, not my personal life.

You're seriously going to avoid the question again?

Adaine: We're on better terms. There, I’ve answered your question. Can I go now?

Not yet. I've only asked two questions. Can you tell us more about your parents and what happened in the Nightmare forest with them?

Adaine: Stop asking personal questions!

The librarian: Shhhhhh.

Adaine: Ah, sorry. Please stop asking me. I'm trying to be polite, but being confronted with these questions is an invasion of my privacy. It's very overwhelming.

I only have more personal questions left, and knowing that my editor shakes their head and mouths at me to change the subject. So I do.

Can you show us your emotional support frog then?

Adaine immediately brightens up, and we spend the rest of our free spell in the library cooing at a little frog wearing a little backpack.

And that's all from me, fellow students. Until next time!

#D20Exchange2022 #Adaine abernant #fantasy high #adaine #fhsy #fhfy #it was so ambitious to do both art AND writing #smh #but so so worth it #my art #apri art #undescribed #i might update this one and the riz one later with alt text but im so tired and just wanted to post these before the deadline

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nattyontherun · 4 months

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I just read all ur naruto fics and I feel insane.

Me about fictional characters: they get me.

I absolutely refuse to be emo in someone ask box but screams at you so much.

“How much do you lose to mourning, when what you lose is everything you’ve ever had? How can you acknowledge yourself, when all you have left to acknowledge is the you who never grew past your hurt? // Existence was ruination, to Sasuke. Existence was the slow descent into insanity.” I’m literally rolling around on the floor thrashing around. Hearth fire (and the rest of the series) WRECKED ME by the way if you even CARE. Me when the parallels in a fic to my life literally grab my by the throat and stab me but also wrap me in a warm fuzzy blanket and pat my head. Literally sent me deep into a very contemplative mood after reading it.

“… would have to live on because if not him, who?” “…because mourning, in its own way, is a form of safekeeping.” Hello I have died.

Also I don’t mean this in a derogatory sense but when I went to ur ao3 profile and read u have a psych degree I was like. That makes so much sense lmFAO.

Also also on a slightly more serious note, well it’s not that serious tbh, but I also do be dissociating and the way you described it was idk it felt weirdly good to read. I used to lose days at a time. I’m not as bad now but I’ll still lose hours here and there. I am not one to externalise things so I don’t have the capacity to describe things to people when asked but we’re I to try very hard it would probably be similar to how you wrote sasukes experience.

Oh my god tho. Oblivion. YOUR MIND IS SO POWERFUL. Your mind is literally so so so powerful. I’m shaking.

Anyway maligayang pasko at mag ingat ka 🫶🏻

This just made my holidays! First of all thanks??? I'm as surprised as you are that HF has been so monumental for me????

I've been told on a multitude of occasions that I have the unfortunate(?) habit of putting a lot of myself in fics. What I explore--thematically at the very least--is often just me chasing after the worms that haunt me in my dreams, yk? It's not like I'm a perpetually sad or moody person--quite the opposite really--but if I don't contemplate stuff I go through at least a little bit, where would that leave me? As uncomfy as it is, it's better to know yourself too much than not at all.

But YEAH! HF! Mindboggly amounts of woah topped by a surprising amount of hope? Sometimes I think I made it too melodramatic and "floaty" for lack of a better word and then I get comments like yours and I start rethinking my spirally thoughts. I just have so many OPINIONS about how canon treated everyone, but mainly Sasuke. If they weren't gonna let him die, by god give him the justice he so deserves?? He has like zero closure and an overwhelming brother complex and all canon does to fix that is say "revenge bad, here walk around some" FAWK no????

Anyways I have a psych degree! I don't use it for much rn but it's glossy and makes me feel good about myself sometimes! I like to think I'm not so obvious about it but I also feel like I always talk about it to anyone everytime so bvcedjsnj where was I going with my reply?

Right. Right! I meant to say that, as per the dissociation thing--far be it for me to claim I know anything about it beyond what I've read in a couple journals but I do tend to 'lose time" so to speak, myself? When I'm stressed or depressed or anxious or some horrid conglomeration of those three horrid things lmao. It's NOT fun, and I don't wish it on anyone, and I hope, if you can, you can speak to someone about it because suffering, in whatever way, however much, doesn't have to be a thing we just settle with yk? Idk. I wrote HF with this thought in mind that just because things can seem absolutely ass over tits at any moment doesn't mean it's always gonna be like that. I love the struggle story, I love ANGST--writing it, reading it--but there's something so devastating and inspirational about wanting to stand back up after stumbling. Human tenacity and resilience will always be infinitely more heartrending than sorrow itself or whatever philosophical way you can spin it...

I feel like I just lost the thread of my response all over again. I'm sorry! It's nearing 3am, I just got off shift, and I'm in one of those moods again... just... I care very deeply about people as a concept, and the way we mold ourselves around each other's lives until every one of our struggles is an extension of our community, which is an extension of our history and so on. I'm not super good about being in the /now/, the details of general existence aren't my best friends. But if characters get to act however the fuck they want to act, if they can build themselves back up from nothing, explore themselves in ways you or I never could, maybe never is just a qualifier we give ourselves to excuse our inflexibility and stagnation?

Something, something, the ultimate goal of the human experience will always be Self Actualization.

Anyways Anon, sorry about all the rambly philosophizing, I've probably scared you off now fbvehcskffbcrehd but you made my whole month!! Maligayang Pasko sa inyo po!!! Ingat ka lagi!!!!!!! And to whoever even bothers to read all this rambling,,,, in English: Merry Christmas and take care always, Mabuhay!

#i am so flattered #you have no idea i SQUEEEEEEEE to oblivion #by the way to oblivion is my love letter this smol section of fandom #and myself #mostly myself #kakasasu #ish #they're just trash bags to which i dump my emotional trauma #and make you all pay for it #mwa mwa thanks for the lovely comments you give me life #merry christmas!!!

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caluski · 5 months

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Depression stuff under the readmore nothing interesting as usual

I miss the time when I wouldn't feel suicidal every single day, it truly sounds so heavenly when I look back at it, I can't even remember whether I was medicated back then or no, I think it might have been the anti-anxiety meds which weren't even that strong antidepressants and yet they still worked at least for soothing my suicidal thoughts, other than my anxiety and a bit of ocd of course.... My doctor once said, don't apologize for when your medication doesn't work!, and yet I still felt guilty and left and it feels like an eternity has passed since. My brain doesn't work the way it used to, I know that... I hate that I have damaged my life irreversibly. And if I fail to kill myself again i know i will look back at the past and shake my head regretfully and think, why did I do this to myself. I feel guilty for being the one who's ruining my own life, but also I can tell that I am not meant to live a long life.. So what's the point? And even if I will live long, I know I will live an empty life devoid of meaning and love, I can tell, I really really mean it, it's weird to describe but I am absolutely sure that this is what I'm facing... And I know people won't believe me if I say it, but it's really true: the unfortunate truth is that even if I do get out to grasp onto others desperately, best option is, I will go back to being that shadow of a person in others lives, I will never be anyone's "most important", i will go back to being the one that's accepted more or less but somehow is on a very thin ice...

Are others being fought for? Is it an actual experience people do have? Is it okay to want to be loved by someone enough that they will try to get to you? I feel like at this point, every single thing that I want is the most impossible thing in the world. Everything feels so beyond my reach that I might as well die now, without experiencing anything.. It feels so hopeless, it drives me insane every day, every waking hour, I look at my 2 year old nephew and the only thought I have is "you won't remember me-- I will die before you get older. I will die and you won't have photos of me to look back on".

I keep having the urges to delete this blog. It doesn't mean much, it's just a blog, in the end I don't keep any significant archives in here... Every time I log out, my finger keeps hovering over "delete blog" button for a little while. It's meaningless and I know it - if I delete it, I will be forgotten soon enough, perhaps many people won't even notice I'm gone anyway - and im sorry I'm talking about it, because I really don't want to sound like I'm begging for more attention, or something.... "give me more followers and reblogs, so I don't delete", or whatever... Just the feeling of meaninglessness overwhelming me. What am I doing here, really - I'm not an artist, I'm not a funny blogger, I'm someone people look at and think, my god, he's so old and yet so childishly miserable. Sorry about that. I know its nothing but tiring to watch me getting worse and worse; I shouldn't be crying about it so publicly in the first place... I wish I could die instead, silent and dignified, unaware of whether anyone shows up to my funeral or no. Why do I keep worrying about it? Every single time I cut myself, I wonder, how humiliating will it be when my family realizes there is no one to come to say their farewells to me? Won't it feel the worst in the world? But I wouldn't be around for that anymore. So why do I think about it?

I don't know what else can I say. Goodnight

#pogaduchy

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joongdokshitposting · 10 months

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(I'm just ranting, also quite a bit of swearing, I'm sorry about that)

God fucking damn it orv, FUCK YOU, like seriously fuck you Kim Dokja, I'm going to fucking strangle you you ugly squid mf, why did I have to come across this book, why did it have to permanently alter my brain chemistry in a way no other piece of art or media has done. Everytime I start thinking about orv a little too much my brain and heart both cannot handle it, like I physically need to shake the thoughts out of my body or I'll fucking collapse and have a whole breakdown again and again and again. It's easily been two months since I finished the dumbass book and it still affects me the exact same way it did while I was still reading it. I've genuinely never been so goddamn overwhelmed because of something to such an extent that I physically, psychologically and idfk spiritually??? cannot contain it within myself because my love for it is too much, it is an all consuming fire and I burn at the centre. Fuck you Kim Dokja, I'm being so fucking serious bitch, build a bridge and jump off it you filthy bastard. (this book is so precious to me, Kim Dokja is so precious to me, I have never and I mean *never* felt as moved and been changed as much by anything other than this book. No matter how much I write and write and write it won't be enough. My love for it will spill haphazardly onto paper like a blood splatter, it will tear me apart muscle by muscle, demanding more of me, and I will gladly comply, again and again and again. And it will still not be enough. I will be nothing but skeleton and yet the story will grind me down to dust and make paste out of it to try and stick to my stupid soul and when it's done wrapping itself around my soul it will absorb that too and then I'll be reborn again and again and again and again the cycle will continue. I don't even know where I'm going with this or whether what I'm saying even makes sense at this point but that's how intensely I feel about this book. It feasts on my very being mercilessly and I still devote myself to it, as if I was only ever born to come across such a beast of a story, something so vaste, so complex, so magnanimous in its lore, and so so fucking unconditionally human at its core, so tenderly affection and built on the foundations of connection and the meaning of love and saving and resilience and sacrifice and so many heart shattering things and I'll gladly let it it consume me whole if it is meant to keep this beast alive, if it is meant to give life to these things.)

#orv #This is honestly just me ranting good lord #I apologise for the swearing #Does this come under analysis? Idts lmao

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sillyshrimps · 1 year

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Metal mirrors I think I want to be about recovery. The reflections that the Ais provide slowly guiding the professors both back to themselves and back to each other. It's about Arven understanding his childhood mightve been shot to pieces but the Ais and the professors never meant to harm him like this. No. Things will never be okay. Things will never be normal. But things can be better. So when his Ai siblings ask him for help. He knows he has a choice. He chooses to fight for the present. Slowly. But surely... things start to feel better. Its late one night when Sada and Turo finally hold each other again. There's tears. Ones that don't hurt. This time when they say it's going to be okay... there's actually a bit of belief in their voice. The ais come to them, worried for them crying and it all just unfolds into a big group hug. The hardest words Turo and Sada have ever said was 'sorry'..But the 'I love yous' that came after were so easy and natural.

We are safe now... paradise... paradise can be here. And it doesn't need a time machine.

I think the scenario you provided a few weeks ago is the perfect starting point for their reconciliation to happen. I was tempted to continue it a few times, but I only did in my head (I have way too many projects up my sleeves - ahh... if only there were two of me).

Anyway, as you said then, the professors would surely cooperate in the attempt of saving the AIs' life (more like preserving their memories as well as their bodies) after the Lab 4 incident. Turo spends a lot of time sitting next to T-01, waiting for any small reaction the same way you would with an actual human being.

Sada: The computer will be able to tell us when they regain their functions, it's pointless to stare at them.

They're not humans, is what she thinks next. She has the heart not to say that, because even for her it has become weird to think of the AIs as merely robots. They clearly became more than what they were initially built for, more than what they expected; they realized it the moment they were about o lose them.

Turo: I just want him to know I'm waiting for him.

For years, Sada has been so pissed, almost disgusted whenever Turo would show his fragile side. It made him look so miserable, when the man she once knew wasn't; what she didn't know is that behind this disgust, behind her anger there was indeed a well hidden pain.

She just couldn't accept the mistakes they both made. First with Arven, then with themselves. Her husband's looks was the perfect representation of this: poor self care, always tired, victim of his mood swings.

It was not his fault, of course it wasn't, yet she couldn't help but feeling frustrated. She should've been by his side, she should've taken care of him rather than insulting him for something he couldn't really manage by himself.

He needed her, but because she was too pround and weak and cold and tied to their long gone past she hadn't been able to foresee his future, to help him. To help both.

It's to that realisation that tears start streaming uncontrolled from her eyes as she sobs so hard Turo's attention is caught in a blink of an eye.

Still sitting next to his double, the Professor turns towards her, shocked to see her armor falling off out of nowhere; her cry is so desperate it almost scares him, he's worried about her, his heart is beating faster, he can feel it in his throat.

Turo: Laura... ?

Sada's chest immediately feels warm at that name, it has been so many years since she last heard it. She holds herself tight in her own arms, still not able to meet her husband's eyes. What she doesn't know is that he's already there for her, she feels his hands on her shoulders, caressing her softly. They're shaking a little, overwhelmed by the emotions, by the tears that he shares with her when she calls him back.

Sada: Manuel... !

No words of apology are told, they are both too swamped by their emotions to say anything else. It's the gestures to do the job, hands running across their bodies, diving into each other's hair, feeling the essence of what they meant and will continue to mean.

#ask box #metal mirrors au #professor turo #professor sada #turo #turo pokemon #ai turo #sada #sada pokemon #ai sada #lakehouseshipping #pokemon violet #pokemon #Pokemon scarlet #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon scarvio

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flockofdoves · 9 months

Text

today was really really bad. was in the middle of cleaning my roommates cat shit off the floor today in preparation for our landlords inspection tomorrow that my roommate never responded about helping out with when my roommate got home from work. and of course she did her usual thing of trying to ignore me and running upstairs but i repeated her name a couple more times til she was forced to acknowledge i was there and when i said 'hey can we please talk for a little bit' she said 'haha no thats okay thanks though!' with a weird mocking tone while not looking in my direction continuing to walk up the stairs

and i started fucking panicking i walked outside for a bit with my gf and couldnt stop myself sobbing and hyperventilating and shaking once we were back inside which my roommate obviously could hear.

and i just didn't have the energy to clean up her mess anymore when i was so emotional right then and kept coming back to wanting to Really Well express my feelings even though i knew it wouldn't amount in anything and she never responds to texts anyway unless she stands to benefit from it

but just so i wouldn't push down and stop feeling my emotions and so i could let out my energy in an effective way i spent the last 2 and a half hours writing this all out

and of course when i went to text it it wouldn't deliver so i'm sure she blocked my number in preparation after that lol. but i also emailed so like whatever

katie —

i acknowledge that texting or emailing a giant wall of text is not really an ideal form of communication. there are some things i have hoped to express for a while, and i don’t want to pile it all on, so i hope despite the format i can do an okay job at expressing my hopes and needs without making this overwhelming to read or anything.

today jacqueline and i spent the whole day cleaning downstairs. as me and jacqueline are hoping to renew our lease here, i have been scared that if the apartment isn’t clean enough for the inspection that was going to be tomorrow (as of an hour ago moved to saturday instead) that we would have no housing in a month from now.

i feel drained in our current living situation. it is upsetting to smell months old moldy dishes in the sink every day, or to find the source of the fly problem in an old fermented cup of coffee full of larvae. but i get that you probably feel similarly, and it wouldn’t be productive to tie up my emotions surrounding that into blame, and i hope i can word things here in a way that makes it clear that i am writing to express my needs and where i am at, and not to simply leave you to handle my emotions or anything.

i have had times of my life where keeping things clean and sanitary has been hard, and even if i don’t know your specific situation, i empathize with that struggle a lot. i know that (beyond of course combatting structural issues in society and health issues that can often contribute to that sort of struggle) the way out of that struggle is in support and help from the people around oneself. we may not know each other that well, but i would like to be able to help in some form.

it isn’t sustainable for me though for the form that that help takes to be for me and jacqueline to deep clean everything every few months once it gets really bad again. i have a physical disability that causes me chronic flare ups of extreme joint and muscle pain. i have been in the middle of a flare up during this week leading up to the inspection, making cleaning a very slow and draining process for me. i’m sure that between being busy with work and any other situations i am not aware of that you clearly have a lot on your plate as well that is making doing stuff like cleaning a struggle too.

obviously there is no ideal solution to stuff like that when all parties involved are struggling and there aren’t enough external resources, but i believe from past experiences that the best thing that can be done to improve the situation as much as possible for all involved is for people to work collaboratively, communicating openly about what they might need help with, lessening the strain on them when the other person is able to do more, reciprocating the same when they can, and finding a compromise to push themselves a little and equitably share the strain when things are hard for both people but stuff still needs to get done.

even if i, for example, do not feel like i am at a point in my life where i have the time and resources to consistently take care of a cat and didn’t expect to have to worry about that responsibility, i would be much happier if you communicated stuff like for example, ‘hey would you be able to scoop her litterbox this week, things are really busy right now and i’m struggling with doing it myself’ as opposed to the current situation where it technically isn’t my responsibility, but it still needs to get done and i’m not sure if it will happen. i want to help you and kitty, and having stuff like that explicitly communicated would make things a lot easier for me.

i get that it is hard to communicate, especially when you’re in a bad situation, and i know i have been awkward in my communication as well, but no matter how hard it is i think it is still crucial for fostering a healthy environment where none of us feel too burnt out.

the same applies to a lot of other situations. if you are struggling with having the resources needed to get enough food for whatever reason, i want to be able to help you out, and if you ask i’d be happy to give you any food you want, no further questions asked. i also love to cook and share meals with people. but i feel upset when i allow myself in my budget one snack to look forward to, only to see it gone with no notice, or when my mom bought me a snack box when i was going through a hard time, only to find it empty out on the deck. what is important to me in these types of situation is the communication, i would be happy to share stuff if you asked.

i would really like if we could be more communicative with each other in our last month living together. while i totally respect if you wouldn’t want to, and its not at all in my expectations for what our household dynamic should be, i also would be happy to maybe even have movie nights and stuff like we talked about when we first moved in together. while there’s other small things that have built up that would be nice if they were resolved but i totally respect if they can’t be (ex. if by any chance you didn’t throw out me and jacqueline’s dishes that were on the deck i would love to have them back so i can wash them and use them again, or if you have the money to, our electric bills every month have been over the $70 you pay for electricity and its been a bit tight for me and jacqueline to pay your remaining portion of electricity after subtracting for the wifi if you can afford to compensate us) but the only thing i really want out of this last month is for us all to be able to equitably share the work of keeping the house sanitary and the cat healthy, and for there to be communication whenever you might need extra help, and then i would be happy to do it. please of course let me know anything i can improve on as a roommate too, i want you to have a good environment to live in too.

i know every sentiment i wrote out here jacqueline also shares too.

thank you for reading, chiara

#cpost

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tealenko · 2 years

Text

Didn't Have the Heart (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5: Echoes from the Past

Don't let the title fool you, this chapter is 30% fun and 70% angst (sorry guys... but it's ME3, there's no realism if Shepard doesn't go a bit crazy little by little).

By the way, I went a bit mad myself and there's like A TON of references to my previous fics of this saga, especially to Listen Before I Go (Shepard's pre-ME1 story in the Alliance) and Never Have I Ever (Where Shep, Garrus, Vega and Kaidan get mega drunk and say way too many things they shouldn't have).

I'm at that point where all my fics are connected and that's okay, because I'm 100% writing them for myself (well... 90%, if it was 100% they would be in Spanish lol)

Anyways...

Sorry this took me so long. Life happens (You can always check my tumblr to see what I'm writing and if I'm close to post a new chapter)

Summary: Shepard wakes up and has to deal with the consequences of what she did when she got drunk.

Words: 4717 Rating: Teens and up Warnings: language and drinking

Read in AO3 -> [link] Previous Chapter -> [Link] Next Chapter -> [Link]

Through Hell and Back series -> [link]

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“Shepard.”

She hears her name like an echo. A whisper that retumbs through every shadow and fades on the horizon along with the rest of the scenery.

“Live… Be someone…”

Dark trees grow in thousands from her surroundings to infinity, planted through a limbo of trembling shadows and thick fog that makes it impossible to discern if there’s truly an end to the whole scenery.

“...be more.”

The air is so dense that she finds it almost impossible to breathe and think at the same time, feeling like an unknown gravity, way stronger and harsher than the one she’s used to, keeps trying to bring her down to the ground.

“Maybe in another life…”

After a few seconds of disorientation, she starts walking, moment in which the voice becomes louder, clearer and is promptly joined by many more.

“Kalahira…”

“...”

“Go back and get Alenko.”

“...”

“Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

“...”

She crouches under the overwhelming noise, hugging her legs as she fixes her eyes on the ground in a futile attempt of concentrating on something else than the many voices that haunt her past.

“First time, eh?”

“…”

She freezes in place.

All the other voices are banished away by the appearance of the last one, which sounds so sharp and real that she is almost expecting to find its owner in front of her if her eyes ever dare to leave the ground.

Nevertheless, she keeps her sight still, along with the rest of her body, too afraid of both hearing and not hearing that specific voice ever again if she decides to move in the slightest.

“I trust your gut Dee, choose and I’ll follow.”

She shakes her head a couple of times, too tortured by the memories that are now gathering in her mind but, against her efforts, her attempt to make it all dissapear only makes things worse and, in a matter of seconds, echoes from all the past conversations with her long lost friend, start to fill the air that surrounds her.

“I’m just here because of you.” A tear starts falling slowly, way too unhurried to follow the laws of physics, somehow unaffected by the strange force that’s keeping her down to the ground.

“You already have a plan, don’t you?” She remains still, avoiding any kind of movement to see if that makes it fade away.

It doesn’t.

“Oh, come on Dee! You don’t fool anyone... You love me and you know it!” She can hear the laugh that came along with that sentence almost a decade ago floating around her, and also feel the warm embrace that came right after.

“Wait… That’s why? No… That’s the true meaning of that ring?” Her hand closes instinctively, trying to hold on onto the piece of jewelry that is no longer there. Hasn’t been for years now.

A second tear falls now.

And a third.

And a fourth.

“How about a song?”

Shepard covers her ears with her hands while the tears keep traveling steadily across her face, in a desperate attempt of silencing the voice, with every sentence hurting her more than the one before.

Nevertheless, and despite all her efforts, one last memory makes it all the way through her pain in order to give her the final strike.

“Dee, listen… Please… Do not let me become an anchor.”

Her crying stops dead the moment she hears that, feeling her heart falling apart along with whatever was left of tears and, before she has time to think about it, her body decides to move on its own, quickly redirecting her eyes against her will to search for the source of all those words.

Unfortunately, all she finds after raising her head is the familiar wall of her room, that seems now narrower than ever after her haunting visit to the vast neverending forest.

“What…?”

It takes her a few seconds to be fully awake and come to terms with where she is.

“A dream.” She says after a big sigh, observing all the details of her cabin as her mind returns to the real world. “Another dream…”

She frets about it for a second before all her other worries distract her from this one and, in no time, her head is filled once again with the burden of all of the tasks attached to the title that, for years now, has replaced her true name.

Shepard’s usual routine starts once again but, as she finishes checking her messages on her omni-tool, one remnant teardrop falls onto it, carried along from her dreams into reality.

She looks at it for a second before getting out of bed and, as she clears her face and what’s left of her sorrow on it, she heads to the elevator, trying her best to leave behind in her room, not only the tears, but the forest and the echoes that caused them in the first place.

"EDI, are Garrus or Vega alive right now?"

"If by alive you mean awake, yes. Garrus is in port observation, in his own words: taking a rest from ‘keeping the Normandy afloat’. Which I find to be a deeply inaccurate affirmation, but he insists that: ‘nothing could be more true’."

Shepard laughs a little.

"Thanks EDI."

After taking a deep breath, she presses the elevator panel and heads to the crew deck.

She's resolved to go directly to talk with her friend, before she has time to overthink or question what she wants to tell him.

Nevertheless, a familiar laugher coming from the kitchen area suddenly calls her attention, and she is unable to resist her curiosity, which leads her to lean against the hallway walls as she focuses all her senses in dropping ears in the distant conversation.

"You have to be kidding me…" Kaidan says, way too pleased by the new information he just received. "So… I'm crazy enough to forgive her, eh?"

"That's what she said."

Liara’s voice sounds very happy too, amused, she figures, by his reaction to her news.

"Nah, you just made that up to cheer me up."

"I didn't, I swear."

"Are you sure those were her words?" Kaidan asks again. "That doesn't sound like Shepard."

"I was there, Kaidan… Why are you finding it so hard to believe?"

"I don't know…" There’s a moment of silence, but Shepard doesn't need to see Liara's reaction to understand the look she’s giving him once she hears him laughing as consequence. "Okay, okay. It's just… That I see nothing to forgive.“ He clarifies. ”She did what she had to."

That last statement hits Shepard right in her heart, who suddenly starts to understand how deep the root of her guilt of having to work for Cerberus extends into her being.

"So… You'd choose differently, if given the chance again?"

"No… No, at least I don't think so. Would you?" Kaidan sighs and giggles a little. "She is right. I'm not able to go against my morals and judgment, not even for her."

Liara doesn't add anything to his reply. Shepard can imagine her staring at Kaidan, processing all he said to her with care before she actually forms a new opinion.

"Lucky for me, she says she likes that about me." Kaidan chuckles a little. "Which is ironic if you think about it…"

"What is?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't easy for her… To go against her own wishes in the name of a greater good, and…" Kaidan takes a second to clear his throat. "I guess, that's one of the things that made me fall in love with her in the first place. The fact that she always puts everything and everyone before herself… I mean, to a point.” He laughs again and, this time around, she knows perfectly the reason why. “I can’t count how many times I’ve wished she would take better care of herself…"

Kaidan stops mid sentence and sighs.

"Sorry… I was just thinking out loud." He tells her. "It's just that I… I…”

“Yes?” Liara asks him, giving him all the time he requires to reply.

“I just wish I would’ve seen everything so clearly a year ago."

It’s difficult to pinpoint which one of them is more affected by Kaidan’s last sentence, the two members of the actual conversation, or the one this one is about, who keep listening to them from afar.

"Better late than never…"

"True."

Both of them laugh again and fall silent and, before she has time to process everything they just said, she notices a set of footsteps coming closer to her by the second.

“Hey Lola.” James greets her, appearing out of nowhere and making her jump a little. “Uff, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Shepard laughs and shakes her head a couple of times.

“No, no… It’s okay. In fact, I wanted to talk to you and your bestie, have a second?”

“My bes… Ah, Scars.” James laughs at her comment. “Yeah, of course, order and I’ll follow.”

“Great then.”

They walk together into the room and find Garrus there, sitting on one of the sofas, telling battle stories to one of the youngest soldiers of the crew.

The turian looks briefly at them before continuing talking, dedicating them a subtle nod as a greeting.

Shepard and Vega don’t even need to talk to know what to do. They just share an amused look and sit on the bar right after, pulling out a couple of beers to drink as they become silent members of the audience and let Garrus continue his stories.

They stay like that for a while. With the Turian sharing his experiences and cracking a joke here and there while everyone else listens and pays attention to everything he has to say.

After almost an hour like this, the young man excuses himself and goes away to resume his duty, leaving the three friends alone in the room.

“So…” Garrus says after a few seconds of awkward silence. “How’s it going, Shepard?”

“Great, surviving.” All of them laugh and relax a little. “How about you?”

“Well, surviving as well.” He replies. “Remind me to never accept anything that comes from Vega.”

“Hey, you asked for it, Scars.”

“And this is your second time falling for it, Garrus…” Shepard ads, joining forces with the leftenant. “I thought by now you would’ve learned your lesson. No wonder you’ve never managed to finish the whole ship’s calibrations… I think we’re asking too much of you.”

Shepard and Vega break into laughter right away, cheering in honor of her teasing by toasting their bottles mid air as they laugh.

“Ahh… I should’ve known better than getting aboard an all human ship.” He says under his breath, or in its turian counterpart, which makes his two friends laugh even more. “This is why you’re here? To make fun of me?”

“No, that’s not it…”

“Lola wants to speak with us, Scars.” James interrupts her, giving a lot of emphasis to the word ‘speak’. “I guess this is when she begs us to keep the whole ‘Alenko deal’ down to ourselves.”

The two of them smile and, to their surprise, so does Shepard, who can’t avoid finding the whole situation somewhat funny.

“No, no… I mean, I’d appreciate it if I could exercise some range of discretion, I’m not gonna lie, but this kind of thing always finds its way out. Would be nice if you tried to avoid discussing it in the open, though.”

“Yeah, you got it Shep.” Garrus says, and James nods right away, both of them reassuring his friend. “We might be a pain in the ass sometime but you can trust us, right Jimmy?”

James starts laughing and nods one more time agreeing with the turian.

“Yep, and we promise to behave a little better too…” He adds, feeling a bit guilty for everything that happened in that room not so long ago. “Or at least we’ll try our best to not corner Alenko and get him drunk.”

The three of them laugh again.

“At least it was an interesting experience…” She adds when she thinks about it. “I have to say I had a great deal of fun.”

A strange silence fills the room before any of them finds the courage to ask what they really want to know but, after a few seconds of hesitation, James finally finds a way to inquire what they’re fearing.

“I really thought you were gonna scold us…” He says with a soft tone of voice. “Isn’t that why you wanted to talk with us?”

“What? No…” She replies right away, feeling now even worse about the whole situation. “No. In fact… I wanted to apologize.”

“A… Apologize?”

Despite all the remorse, Shepard can’t avoid laughing at her friends’ expressions, which have changed from remorse to disbelief in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah. Apologize.” She confirms, after seeing the confusion in their faces. “I could blame the alcohol, which I’m sure was a deciding factor in the whole thing, but, I’m your commanding officer, and I should've known better than to guilt trip the both of you into leaving us alone in the room, no matter the fact that there was more gin than blood running through my veins when that happened.”

James’ jaw falls gradually to the ground as Shepard says all this, laughing with his eyes wild open, completely in awe of her statement.

Garrus, on the other hand, stays with a confused look for almost a minute, before everything finally clicks in his mind, starting to understand a great deal more of what Shepard said on said evening, or better said, of what he can remember, which isn’t a lot.

“Wait… Are you saying…?”

“Yes.” She confirms right away.

“That’s why you tried to make him leave…”

“Yup.” She nods again.

“And the whole ‘I’ve never had a home…’”

“Yes.” She cuts him again, this time with less enthusiasm. “And I’m really sorry about that last one. I have no excuse, no matter how much… How much…”

She struggles to find the appropriate words, so she just leaves her sentence unfinished and decides to keep drinking her beer, hoping his friends are able to understand what she wants to say.

Unfortunately for her, they are.

“... how much you wanted to bang Alenko like a door on a hurricane?”

Shepard almost chokes with her drink when she hears those words coming out of Vega’s mouth, moment in which her two friends break into laughter all at once, and, after a few seconds of general shock, she surrenders herself to the whole situation and joins in too.

“Sorry, Lola… I couldn’t help it.” James says, clearing a tear and trying to compose himself.

“Nah… That’s fine, I kinda deserve it.” She considers a sentence in her mind for a couple of seconds before she says it out loud. “And let’s be honest, you’re completely right.”

James smiles and claps a couple of times.

“Well, it’s good to know we didn’t say anything inappropriate…” He says as he stands up, getting ready to go back to his schedule.

“Oh! I mean, you totally did…” Shepard replies right away, in between chuckles. “But it takes more than the two of you, completely smashed and all, to offend me… ”

“Cool.”

“I mean… I used to deal with Udina’s shit on a regular basis, and,” she stops for a second of reflection, before adding in a lower tone of voice, “just between us, I’m kinda glad that he went mad and gave Alenko a reason to shoot at him.”

The three friends break into laughter all in unison this time around, creating a loud noise that, even if they aren’t aware of it, scares the life out of Tali, who was coincidentally near the elevator when the whole laughter started.

They stay like that for a while, to the point that, when Vega is finally able to collect himself and bid them farewell to carry on with his agenda, Shepard and Garrus are still struggling to go back to their normal selves.

After a few minutes like that, the turian regains a little of his composure and moves to sit next to her at the bar, needing a couple more seconds before he is finally able to say something.

“Ayy, Shepard…” He says as he pats her a couple of times on her back. “I’ve truly missed you.”

“You see me all the time, Garrus.” She says with a big smile on her face. “I mean, no one has spent more time with me in the last ten years…” She takes a moment there. “You were even crazy enough to follow me to Cerberus, being a turian and all that.”

“Not all of us are as strong as Kaidan, Shep.” She laughs a little before hitting him gently on his arm.

“Very funny.”

“I mean it…” He clarifies.

“Sure”

“I promise.”

Shepard directs her eyes to the ceiling for a moment and sighs.

“So… You aren’t gonna give me the ‘are you sure about Kaidan’ talk?” She asks as she redirects her sight to look at her friend.

“Maybe a few months ago I would’ve…” He admits in a repentant tone. “Not anymore.” He states, no hint of hesitation in his voice. “It takes a strong will to do something that goes against all of your own wishes and… Well.” He stops mid sentence and points at her with his open talons. “Look who I’m talking to.”

Shepard smiles one more time because of his comment, but he can see how her expression differs quite a lot from all her previous ones, finding a well of sadness the moment he meets her eyes.

“Yeah…” It’s the only thing she adds, in a calm tone of voice, lost in her own thoughts.

“You okay?”

It takes her a couple of seconds to process his words, but his question is able to bring her back to reality.

“Yeah.” She replies again, more sure and cheerful this time around. “Just a bit tired…”

“Of course.”

Garrus is aware that she isn’t telling the whole truth, but he knows his friend way too well to understand that delving deeper into the whole affair would only make things worse.

“So…” Shepard starts saying, trying to change the focus of their conversation. “Tali, eh?” Garrus smiles at her comment. “You moved fast Vakarian, she’s only been on the ship for a couple days.”

“We kept in touch…” He clarifies in a softer, almost shy, tone of voice. “When you went back to Earth. And well…”

Shepard touches his arm and smiles at him, letting him know she’s also able to understand what he means with only that much of a sentence.

“I’m glad for you two.”

“Yes… As I am for you.” He replies. “As I said before, I missed you.”

Shepard sighs, knowing there’s a hidden meaning in his last words, but unable to picture what he is truly saying.

Despite her better judgment, her curiosity ends up winning and, after a few seconds of processing everything, she finally decides to reply instead of using her standard strategy of avoiding this kind of conversation.

“You’ve said that already.”

“It is true.”

“So… You missed me since you saw me yesterday?” She asks with skepticism.

“No… No. I’ve missed you since I saw you fall along with the Normandy.”

For a second there Shepard feels completely defenseless against his comment.

A strange force appears out of nowhere and tries to rip her soul apart from within, both too similar and nothing alike what she remembers the feeling of drifting away into the vast space was like, with the gravity of Alchera sucking her into its atmosphere at complete mercy of the forces of the universe.

Despite everything going inside of her, she maintains a straight face. She even laughs a little at Garrus’ comment once the initial shock is gone, trying her best to hide or, better said, avoid all of her memories as long as she’s able.

Unfortunately for her, her friend doesn’t seem to be willing to let the whole thing go away so easily.

“I missed you for years now… The real you, that is.” He insists, trying his best, and failing miserably, to get a better understanding of what she’s really going through right now. Nevertheless, he keeps going with his speech. “And, for the first time in years, I'm starting to see glimmer of you, the real you.”

Shepard gives him a dry smile before gulping what was left of her beer with a somewhat annoyed look on her face, but that doesn’t stop him either.

“I mean, you even seem happy. Who would've thought that to be possible a few months ago?”

“You're exaggerating…” She tries to deflect again.

“Well, I guess that's another thing we have Alenko to thank for…” He turns a little to look better at her, knowing the effect the mention of Kaidan’s name is going to have on his friend.

For the first time in their whole conversation, he gives her enough time to process all of his words, instead of expecting an instant answer, and decides to continue with what he’s been meaning to tell her.

“That’s also the main reason I’m not gonna give you… What did you call it? The ‘Kaidan talk’?”

She laughs at his comment, this time for real, shaking away some of her previous feelings and memories for the moment.

“Yeah, something like that…”

Garrus smiles with her, thinking about the implications of her original sentence.

“Are people giving you shit about him already?”

“Already…” Shepard laughs again. “I’d say ‘still’ fits the whole situation.” She rests her arms on top of the bar, leaning backwards on her bar stool. “Not that I care, though…” She smiles. ”I’ve wanted this for so long that I really don’t give a…”

Shepard lets her words disappear into thin air, suddenly aware that she’s giving him more information than she wanted to say.

She waits patiently for his comeback, completely sure he is going to ask her to finish her sentence, but instead, he just looks at her for a few seconds and nods, not needing to hear this either to know what she meant.

“I understand.” Garrus finally tells her, moving to sit closer to her as he starts to smile, already amused by what he’s going to say. “And, next time someone tries to give you ‘the Kaidan talk’... Call me up.” He tells her, giving her a soft nudge on her arm. “I still owe you for the last two times you prevented me from killing someone.”

Making use of all of her strength, Shepard manages to control her grin long enough to give a comeback.

“Three…” She corrects him right away.. “But who's counting.”

The two of them start laughing at both of their comments, finding each one of them, and what they imply, as funny as the other.

They calm down quicker this time around, giving Garrus a new opportunity to strike one more time.

“Sooo…” He starts again once he has the chance. “Everything okay, then? With the whole ‘Kaidan thing’, I mean. Are you okay?”

As always, there’s only preoccupation in the tone of his voice, no judgment or will to pry on her personal life. Just overall worry about someone he cares about.

Her whole body asks her to reply right away and say ‘yes’, a self defense mechanism she’s been implementing since she can remember. Nevertheless, she manages to fight against it and attempts to slow down her thoughts, searching for a true answer to his question.

“I don’t know…” Shepard finally states, taking a small pause to think about her feelings. “I…”

“You feel guilty.” Garrus adds without any kind of doubt.

“Yes.”

“For being happy.”

“Yes.” She admits again, finding some sort of peace after saying it out loud. “Am I that easy to read?”

He smiles a little at her comment.

“Of course not, Shepard. It’s taken me a lot of years, alcohol and effort to refine the noble art of knowing what’s really going on inside of your head…” He says in between laughs. “I guess I deserve it, for deciding to have a human as my best friend.”

His last words crash against her harder than she could’ve ever imagined, bringing back echoes of her past that instantly begin to haunt her, no nightmare nor forest needed this time around.

I prefer to see you like this.

The voice of her long lost friend retumbs on her mind, replaying memories so accurately that she can almost see them.

Talking and laughing.

Shepard quickly stands up and takes a few steps. Summoning all her strength to hide from Garrus what’s really going on inside her head.

Please, stop. She says to herself, clenching her fist. Don’t start again…

Her own memories answer her begs, using the same reply that was used against her so many years ago.

I know, I know. You don't talk about that. You don’t talk about your name. Or about your family. You don’t talk about your past. Or your feelings. Or what you’ve been through…

“You okay?” Garrus asks, as careful as he’s able, knowing something is happening to her right now, but well aware that if he pushes this too far she’ll run away as fast as she’s able.

And he isn’t wrong.

“Eh? Ah, yes. Sure”

I get it. You never talk about yourself…

Shepard ignores the voice and keeps looking away from Garrus.

“I just remembered I… I…”

But you cannot deny that you're way happier now than when we met for the first time.

“I needed to talk with someone…”

“Someone?”

“Joker, I need to talk with Joker. Yes… To apologize and all that, for the whole drunken call.” She turns for just one second and forces a smile to say goodbye. “See you around, kay?”

And just like that she vanishes before Garrus is even able to comprehend what just happened, running from the whole situation in the blink of an eye.

“Okay…” He replies to the empty space she’s left behind, his mind still trying to find some kind of sense in the whole situation. “What…?”

After a few seconds of general confusion he shakes his head a couple of times, inspects the room and decides to clean a little, needing something else to focus on for a moment.

Garrus drags the stools closer to the bar and throws the two empty bottles of beer in the trash and, while he’s on it, his head keeps replaying the last few minutes of his conversation with Shepard, trying to find the moment where he crossed a line he shouldn’t have.

He’s been out of the loop with Shepard before, but this is new to him. This time around, he wasn’t expecting it and, worse of all, he has no idea of either the root of the problem nor its solution.

“...”

He quickly runs out of distractions and, the moment there’s nothing else to do, he goes back to his frozen pose and is instantly swallowed by the dilemma once again.

The fact that she reacted better than he thought she would to everything he was afraid to ask up to that point isn’t helping either, making the whole problem even harder to pinpoint.

“Maybe it's nothing and I’m obsessing over it…” He says, almost surrendering to the whole idea that if he isn’t able to find the problem, there must be none. “Yeah, that has to be it.”

He starts walking towards the door and, for a few seconds, he almost succeeds in fooling himself.

“You worry too much about nonsense, Garrus.”

His own lie works flawlessly against him for a moment there, for who could know more about Shepard than him, right? He says in his mind. If I don’t see anything…

Nevertheless, something makes him stop at the threshold, right when he’s in the middle of his inner speech, no longer able to deny what’s the real thing he needs to do in order to get some clarity.

“Ah…” He sighs at last, finally choosing to do what’s best for his friend, and not what’s easier for him to accept. “I need to talk to Kaidan.”

-------------------------------

*hums melody before starting to sing* loooook I made you some conteeeeeeeeeent XDDDDDDDDDD Sorry, I had to.

Errrmm... I'm going to address it in the future but, for those who didn't understand what's going on with Shep, the main character in her dreams, that she also hears at the end, is the main character in LBIG. Her best friend from training days and... Well, my Shep has the survivor background so... you can imagine the rest (and if you don't it's okay, I'm going to write it... aaaaand that fic will end in Akuze T-T) Anyway... You may now be able understand why Garrus calling her his "best friend" is so triggering for her.

Btw, don't worry, next 2 chapters are going to be more fun than angsty (I promise XD)

#mass effect #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #shepard x kaidan #fshenko #mass effect 3 #femshep x kaidan #fanfic

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ohnoanotherfe3hblog · 2 years

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Hi uhh 👉👈 would it be ok to request a scenario with Claude? like he and the reader are best friends, and have a standing routine where they sit in his room and read together for several hours in the evening a couple times a week, and then both sleep in Claude’s bed for the night and platonically cuddle. Except the reader has fallen head over heels somewhere during this process, heart pounding out of their chest every time he puts his arms around them, and is terrified he can hear it, because the last time they were in love they were rejected before they ever had a chance to confess and that friend left them, so they now feel like their affection is disgusting, and they’re afraid it’s going to happen again because Claude is so intuitive and they’ll lose him. So maybe like after they finish reading one day one of them brings the reader’s feelings up, and then Claude starts to understand and reassures them and they have a nice little kiss.

if this is too long no worries and my bad💀💀 Hope the vibes in your life are funky today

A/n : tumblr user its-claude-time your brain is massive. Also thank you for the funky vibes, I hope you also have a funky day!

Claude💛🦌💛

Its quiet in Claude's room in the dorm and, usually, that's welcome. But the silence stretches while your thoughts spiral. The soft smile on Claude's face, the light from the window, his slightly messy hair, you were a bit overwhelmed.

When you guys began this little arrangement it had been because you had stayed a little too late on accident, and didn't want to risk Seteth seeing you out of the dorms past curfew, so you'd stayed. Back then, you promised yourself you wouldn't fall in love.

But who were you kidding? You already had. You loved everything about him... his eyes, his smile, the way he truely cares about everyone at Garreg Mach, and mostly.. his laugh.

Before you even realise your staring with a soft smile on your face, Claude is waving a hand in front of your eyes.

"Hey there, have you been listening? What's got you sighing and huffing and puffing? Something wrong?"

You shake your head, frowning, "nono, it's nothing I just.. can't focus right now."

"Well, we dont have to read then. We could do something else, try to move around, you know?"

You shake your head again, thinking, "I just uh. Am caught up in my thoughts is all. I've been. Thinking about stuff."

Claude gives you that smile his gives when he knows you're hiding something and nods along, "stuff huh? Is it... a boy?"

Your face goes red and he laughs, "I knew it! Your face says it all. Who's the lucky guy? Please tell me it's not Sylvain or Lorenz I won't let my bestie date people like that."

You groan, even the thought of that makes you cringe to yourself, and you grab a pillow to hide your face in. You muffle out "no, it's not them."

"Is it.. someone in the deer?"

You pause, before nodding.

"Well if it isn't Lorenz.. maybe Rashael? Ignatz?"

You groan, "they're nice and all but.. not them."

"... hey bestie?"

".. yea?"

"You realise I'm the only one left after them right?"

"... I'd like a lawyer."

Claude laughs a little while you throw the pillow at him hiding you face in your hands before he calms down a bit, and leans over, tapping your shoulder, "hey now, why are you hiding?"

When you didn't respond, he frowned, then noticed your shoulders were shaking a bit, and he realised you were crying, "hey, I was only teasing, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"I just.. don't want to lose another friend."

"Who said I was leaving?"

Another pause, before you look up, hiccuping, and see him smiling at you a bit, "I didn't wanna be presumptuous or anything, so I didn't bring it up but, you're pretty cute too you know."

"What..?"

He chuckles a bit, "come on, you look worn out. Let's just lay down tonight, no need to stay up too late reading." He kisses your forehead, and you lean into it, sighing.

"So uh.. is it official or..?"

"We'll talk about it in the morning when you aren't crying anymore."

#minish speaks #fire emblem three houses #mod minish #claude fire emblem imagines #claude von reigen #fe3h claude

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sissytobitch10seconds · 2 years

Text

Depressive Episodes

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy Summary: Viktor has gotten depressive episodes his entire life, but he was kind of hoping that they'd go away after the medication was flushed from his system. Unfortunately for him, luck has never been on his side. Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts, mentions of character death, mentions of transphobia, dysphoria, and self-harm Word Count: 10,598 Ship(s): Sissy Cooper/Viktor Hargreeves (past), Viktor Hargreeves & Everyone

Archive link!

A/N: So I have become rather unhealthily attached to one (1) Viktor Hargreeves, which of course means that he's going to suffer. I based Viktor's depression and anxiety off of my own. I only have depressive episodes instead of just constant depression, so that's why he's okay for the majority of the time and feels a little bit better when being taken care of. I also want to put a small disclaimer here, I'm not a trans man (I'm AFAB genderfluid) so I don't know what it's like to transition myself even if I have done some research. I hope that you guys enjoy this! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Some part of him had been in denial about it, which is why it had been able to sneak up on him like this. The third apocalypse finally being averted meant that all five of his surviving siblings split off to go do their own thing, and he was left alone after discovering that he had powers, falling in love with a mother and her son, losing them both, gaining his siblings a couple of times, discovering that he was transgender, and then losing his powers.

After getting dumped in the new world and abandoned by his siblings, who all had their own problems to deal with, he stayed in a shelter for a while. It wasn’t long after that that he found out that, most likely by accident, his apartment was still exactly where it had been in the other timeline. He was able to return back home and even had some of his old students. He lost about half of them when he had to come out, which meant that he had to get another job to keep up with his apartment and bills. He ended up getting a job as a supplementary music tutor at a school nearby where he worked one-on-one with students that were either struggling or had a solo in their upcoming concerts. Before he had officially gotten the job, he splurged away his grocery money for the month to get his name legally changed to Viktor Skripka (in this new timeline he couldn't really get away with the last name Hargreeves). He had a good rapport with the students who thought that he was fun, and even more with the queer students who flocked to him like ducklings. They had been his biggest supporters, something that got him up and out of bed everyday to take care of himself despite how overwhelming it felt to go back to a normal life after everything that had happened. He still remembered how proud the little LGBT support club he was now supervising had been when they asked him to participate in the monthly check-in and he admitted that he had started T and was working on a date for top surgery. He was going to therapy again, like he had when he first got out of the house back at the tender age of eighteen. This time the main focus was his gender instead of his mental health, which was probably another factor in him missing all of the signs.

He had his music, students that loved him, colleagues that legally could not misgender him without getting in trouble (along with a couple of allies), an apartment that felt like a hug from the good parts of the past, and he was taking huge strides with his transition. The world was finally looking up for him. So, of course that was when things finally started to go South.

He had always struggled with anxiety and depression, though the latter had been severely lessened after he stopped taking the numbing medication in their original timeline. Viktor still had moments when he felt hollow and as if his very bones were exhausted, but he was generally able to shake it away with a small nap or good food with the choir teacher he had become quite close to during the school year. The anxiety attacks before his first day of work and before each doctor's appointment were harder to manage now that he no longer had the medication to fall back on. He was able to study some tips on how to deal with anxiety while also talking with his therapist since a lot of his worries wrapped around his newfound identity.

Then the end of the school year came. He had a couple of sessions scheduled with his students later in the Summer, but he was mostly left to his own devices. He had rehearsals with his orchestra every Sunday and a few miscellaneous plans with Delphi, the choir teacher, and her spouses at the end of June to celebrate pride month. Other than that, he was completely left to his own devices. He had saved up enough money over the school year that he didn't have to get another job to keep himself afloat in between his Summer tutoring sessions.

That resulted in him holing himself up in his apartment and hitting the biggest pit that he had since he moved out of the Academy to be shipped of to Reginald’s choice of college. It was really beginning to hit him just how much had happened in the last little while. The mourning that he had never gotten to do for both of his failed relationships and the death of his son-figure and girlfriend finally hit him like a train.

It felt like his heart was being torn into tiny pieces inside of him, scattering throughout his body so every fiber of his being seized like it was pain. He ached with the need to have them back in his arms. He was almost willing to give up his gender identity just to have Harlan, little Harlan that he had met when his mother hit Viktor with a car, playing in the next room while he and Sissy danced around each other in the kitchen. Carl had been gone so often that it almost felt like they were a little family themselves. It was something Viktor had wanted for so long, his entire life, that when he got it taken away from him he didn't realize just how much it would hurt.

He spent the first couple days of his pit sobbing relentlessly. He didn't ever remember being able to cry this much. It seemed like every time he saw something that reminded him of either one of them, which was often since he had gotten quite a few sixties inspired dishes since he settled back into normal life, he would burst into tears. The sobs would shake through his small frame like his power once had. They would leave him feeling absolutely destroyed with nothing to fill the hollow void in his chest but the deepest, ugliest despair. Viktor had gotten sinus and dehydration headaches so bad that he thought he was actually deathly ill. He hadn't been able to stomach the idea of eating anything the entire time that he had been in that mourning place. Despite what he had seen from other people when they were in mourning, he had never felt angry. He felt resentment towards Carl that his last few days with Sissy hadn't been spent happily under the covers of her bed or even in the hot Dallas air on the farm, but not once did he feel angry. He didn't blame Allison for killing Harlan, especially when that wasn't how he had died in this timeline. He wasn't angry at Five for dropping them in the wrong city and wrong time. He wasn't mad at Luther for showing up and sparking off the whole race to stop the end of the world again. He wasn't angry.

He was tired.

After the crying finally stopped, he was just exhausted. The hollow aching in the pit of his stomach had increased tenfold to the point where it felt like every nerve of his body was on fire. The only thing that helped soothe the pain at all was the gentle pressure of the blankets that he had bought for his bed during the winter. He had hiked up the AC despite what it would do to his bills and then curled underneath the nest of comfort he had created for himself. He didn't sleep for the first couple of hours that he was within the cocoon, just stared up at the ceiling or towards the door with vacant eyes. He wasn't really seeing anything that he was looking at, he just pointed his head in a direction and left it there.

He had started shaking at some point and then realized how long he had gone without taking care of himself. He turned off his air conditioning and lugged himself to the bathroom. By luck alone he had dug himself out of bed just in time to take his most recent shot of testosterone and go to his therapy appointment. They didn't have to talk about a lot since he was handling the transition part of his life really well. He didn't even bother to tell his therapist about the spiral that he had been in the last couple of days. He had no way to explain to her that he had fallen in love with a married woman and basically adopted her eight-year-old back in the 60s and then royally fucked up their life but not in this timeline. He wasn't even sure that they had known him in this timeline, but it was probably for the best that they didn't.

At some point on his journey down the hole of numbness, a voice had begun speaking to him in the back of his mind. It was something unlike he had had in a long time. He had left the voice after getting his powers and even though he had lost them again it still hadn't come back until now. It reminded him of all the horrible times in his childhood when his siblings had let him know just how deeply they didn't care about or want him around again. The apathy at his plight was almost worse than the outward annoyance he was normally faced with.

The voice told him lots of things that he was used to. About how he would never be truly loved, how he was completely useless and replaceable. The newest one was informing him that he had managed to turn everyone that might have had the chance at actually loving him against him. He had turned out to be too weak for Leonard, not strong enough for Sissy, too strong for Harlan, and too selfish for his siblings. Everything he had done in those two months when they had been trying to save the world three times over resulted in them all hating him. In the first one he hadn't even realized that he was going to be the one ending the world. He had just been scared and then it was like something had possessed him from his subconscious. A white hot thrumming of rage in his chest that had led him to destroy a version of their mother, Pogo, and their childhood home. In the second timeline he had just gone along with everything that they wanted him to until he made the selfish decision to try and run away with Sissy to the future. That had resulted in him almost blowing up the FBI headquarters and starting WWIII, as he had been informed by Five. Then in that same timeline he had managed to pass on his powers which got the attention of the entire commission and had gotten them all temporarily killed. In the third apocalypse, he had tried to make a deal with Marcus from the Sparrow Academy before he was eaten by the anomaly that he had technically created by passing on his powers to Harlan. Every single issue that his siblings had to face was directly or indirectly caused by his own actions. They hated him, and they were completely valid in that hate.

He found a small bit of comfort remembering how Luther had wanted to set up a party for him when he came out to show that he was loved, and how he had asked Viktor to be his best man. That feeling was quickly squashed as the devil in his mind reminded him that his brother hadn't reached out at all over the year they had been living in the new timeline despite finding his wife only a month after their arrival. He remembered the way that Diego had screamed at him over the phone when he finally got his hands on the book that Viktor had written back in the original timeline. Even though that now seemed like a lifetime ago, it still felt like a brand new wound that shot pain throughout his body. He remembered all of the false apologies Allison had given him, the false reassurances that she loved him and nothing could change that. She hadn't even talked to him anywhere outside of a group setting since they had gotten placed in this new timeline despite every wrong he had done being rectified. Allison's betrayal hurt most of all, above Five, Klaus, and Ben not reaching out to him. Even though this Ben wasn’t his Ben, the words still stung every time Viktor thought of them, to the point where they would cause tears to shine in his eyes.

That was the worst thing about the voice berating his every move and thought. It told him that this behavior was just to get someone to come and chase after him. The only thing that he wanted was for someone to pay attention to him, which is why he had gotten wrapped up with the convicted murderer and ended the world in the first place.

His entire body ached all the time when he was awake. The internal pain was so bad that he wanted it to be external, which only caused the guilt already festering in the open wounds his siblings left to become rabid and all-consuming. He longed for the ache in his head from crying too long, and the cramping hurt in his stomach from lack of food. He longed for the feeling of his slightly too long nails to be biting into his fingers, right under the callouses from his violin.

Viktor still tried his best to function like he was supposed to, he just left little things out of his routine. He would drink half a glass of water every morning before trying to burn his skin off in the shower. He would go to the shop everyday and then come back to give his one-on-one lessons with the students that had remained from the other timeline. He would eat the absolute bare minimum that he could choke down since he had no appetite. Then he would practice until the calluses on his fingers felt like they were raw and bleeding, and the bruise on his neck looked like he had been punched by Luther post-simian hybridization. He went to the couple of shows that his students had invited him to, cheering them on as they showed off how much better they had become than him at that age. He was proud that they had the support he never did as a child, but at the same time it left him in a horrific spiral of self-pity that led to guilt at daring to feel anything but resentment about himself, which left to more self-pity until the only thing that he felt was raw hurt.

Eventually he locked himself away in his apartment to just be alone. He didn't have lessons for the rest of the month, his orchestra was on their break, and none of his plans were for at least a week. The isolation turned him into someone that he thought he had left long in the past with his medication and tendency to fall into abusive relationships.

He had almost stopped eating entirely now. He spent more than his fair time in the shower, making the pain he felt inside finally spring to the outside. It caused more of the horrible screaming sobs that lived deep in his heart, where Sissy and Harlan were buried, to erupt from him into the crowded noise of the bathroom. He barely remembered to take his binder off when he went to bed because his skin felt so unlike his own that he thought he might have been placed into someone else's body entirely. It was like a thousand bugs were living just underneath the surface, like he was stretched across too much and too little at the same time, like he was watching someone else move his arms and legs.

He spent a lot of time staring, and even more time sleeping. Sleep was the only time that he got a reprieve from the voice in his head and the hurt living where his soul was supposed to be. He felt tired all the time, and sleeping was the blissful siren call at all hours of the day. He was able to dream that he was living back in the 60s, in the perfect version of his body, with Sissy and Harlan thriving on their farm. His siblings were happy and visited him every now and again, just like he had wished when he first moved away from the Academy. It was like every time his brain began to drift into that soft place he had found Nirvana, and he longed to stay there forever.

---

Viktor startled awake when he heard an unfamiliar sound ringing through his apartment. He tossed himself the opposite direction so that he was no longer huddled around the wall but facing towards his nightstand. He reached his hand out so that he was grasping for his phone, which he stared at blearily for a moment. He then realized that someone was calling him and swiped so that he accepted the call. "'lo?" he asked, his voice low and gruff because he had just woken up and the testosterone shots were already doing their magic.

"Viktor?"

He blinked a few times. "Who?"

"Pretty sure you should recognize that name seeing as you chose it," the person on the other end responded.

He whimpered and rolled over in his bed again so that the mess of sheets and blankets is covering a bit more of him. "Delphi?"

"Guess again, but I should warn you that it's three strikes and you're out," they chuckled.

"Klaus?" Viktor then asked as he sat up on the bed. He glanced around his dark room like that would give him any information about why his brother was suddenly calling him out of the blue.

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner," he made fake cheering sounds. Viktor realized that something was truly wrong with him when his brother's antics failed to make him crack even a small smile. Back when he had been on a the medication, his emotions had been muted but he was still receptive to his brother's jokes. "Now tell me about this Delphi person," the other man began.

Viktor didn't have to even come up with an excuse to avoid doing so as he could hear arguing a little ways away from the phone before a new voice spoke into it. "Hey Viktor, we just wanted to know where you were. This whole thing is kind of a check up on us all so you do need to attend. We even got Ben here!"

"Hi Sloane," he let his shoulders fall a little bit. When he had heard a female lilt to the digitized voice he had been worried that it was Allison. He loved his sister just as much as he loved his brothers, but the only time she had spoken to him back before they came to this new world she had been yelling at him. They hadn't spoken much at Luther and Sloane's real wedding and hadn't been visiting Diego and Lila at the same time after Chrysanthemum's birth. "Uh, I didn't think that the sibling power check up thing was this week. Isn't it on the twenty fourth?"

"It is the twenty fourth," Sloane replied, her voice taking on a worried tone. "Viktor, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Viktor tried to scramble out of his bed so that he could start getting ready, but the blankets were so tangled around him that they sent him flying off of the side and onto the hard wooden floor. He let out a grunt of pain as an old wound on his hip from their fight with the Sparrows at the beginning of the third apocalypse sent an ache of pain through his nerves.

"Are you sure? What was that?" Sloane asked immediately upon hearing the noise.

"I just ran into something, no big deal," he replied a little too quickly. "Sorry that I messed up the days. School and tutoring have only been out for a little while so I was trying to catch up on some sleep and personal practice and I guess I just lost track of the time. Give me like twenty minutes and I'll be there. I'm so sorry, again."

Sloane was quiet for a moment and Viktor could hear someone, probably Luther, talking to her. He couldn't make out the words but both voices sounded really worried. The ex-superpowered man focused on trying to kick away his blankets so that he could get up and get ready for the day. Ben's words from his first big blow-up with Allison were ringing through his head as he scrambled to find some suitable clothes that would hide his mental state.

Were you waiting for someone to come chasing after you? Pathetic.

"Well, here's the thing, we were worried about you so Diego and Allison are already headed to your place," the woman admitted when she finally returned back to talking to her brother-in-law.

"Huh? I just slept in," he tried to keep the anxiety and panic out of his voice. He had been so low on energy since the Summer had started that the only thing making him move as quickly as he was and actually have a conversation was the adrenaline flushing through his veins. "Really, you can text them and tell them that they can go back. I just need to get ready and catch a cab over to the park. It won't take me that long."

"I'm sure that they'd love to come over with you. That way you can save a little bit on transport. See you soon!" Sloane ended the call, leaving Viktor standing there with his heart thrumming up in his ears.

It was like a huge bucket of ice water had been dumped over him. He hadn't gotten that feeling since Harold had tried to lock Viktor in his cabin, or Carl had driven them up to the farm and threatened him. "Shit, shit, shit, shit," he muttered to himself as he scrambled to try and get ready before Allison and Diego arrived at his apartment. He stumbled to the bathroom where he was able to strip off his sleep-sweat soaked clothes and turn on the shower. He didn't even wait for the water to heat up like he normally did, to feel something at all, before he got underneath the pelting droplets. He washed himself in record time before he was out and tugging on the cleanest clothes he could find. He settled for an oversized t-shirt, despite having his binder securely fastened over his bruised chest, and a pair of jeans covered in little drawings and paintings from an event he did with the LGBT club he oversaw at his school.

Viktor had just finished putting on his socks when he moved to the bathroom to check and make sure his hair wasn't too messy. His eyes drifted down to the stubbly facial hair that was beginning to grow thanks to the HRT he had been on for months now. It was splotchy and thin, which made him more dysphoric than less. He had heard other trans men rave about how exciting it had been to start growing a beard after so long wishing that they had. All Viktor could see was the person that he was desperately trying to be. The man that he wasn't quite.

He didn't know how long he had been staring at the reflection of himself, his fingers picking angry red spots into his jawline. He was shaken out of it when he heard someone banging on his door. "Shit, fuck, god damnit," he growled as he rushed back to his room. He had to throw blankets and pillows away from the disaster he had made at the side of his bed to try and find where he had lost his phone. Once he finally found it he stuffed it into his pocket and tried to get up to the door. He was scrambling to try and put the dishes from the eggs he had half finished the last time he ate out of sight when he heard his brother's voice from the other side of his door.

"Viktor, you better open up! I can still pick a lock in under a minute flat so you're not going to have any other options," Diego warned.

"Just a second!" he called back in reply as he tried stuffing the junk mail piling up on his floor in front of the mail slot in his apartment door into the drawer next to his door. He hadn't realized how messy everything had gotten when he fell into his stupor, but now that he was fueled on adrenaline and fear he had to make sure that his siblings couldn't tell either.

He turned around and scanned across his room before he saw several of the needles he used to give himself his shots still on the kitchen counter. He lunged to try and get to them, but just then the door was flung open and Diego was revealed, squatting down next to where the lock and handle had been moments before Allison pushed the now unlocked door open.

He stood up and took a few steps into his apartment. His face noticeably paled when he noticed all of the needles clutched in Viktor's hands. "Dude. If you got addicted to something I'm sure you can talk about it to Klaus instead of hiding from the whole family.

"No, I really just overslept," he insisted as he shoved them into the biohazard bag he brought back to the doctor every few months so the sharps could be disposed of properly.

"Overslept?" Allison asked, raising a brow at him to show her disbelief. "You've never been one to oversleep before. If I remember correctly you were the first out of all of us to get up back in the Academy."

Viktor opened and closed his mouth a couple times while he tried to find something to say. The fear that had jump started his day was beginning to wear off, leaving him with the familiar ache of exhaustion. Guilt also swirled in his empty, cramping stomach as he realized that he had forced them here out of his own stupidity. "Yeah, well, we're adults now or whatever," he tried to sound casual and ignore the way that his voice cracked when he got too emotional. He knew that starting HRT was like going through puberty all over again, but it still sucked to not just wake up with that amazing deep voice he desperately wanted.

"Hey man, are you okay? I don't ever remember your place looking this disheveled," Diego asked as he began to look around. He was doing the thing that he had back when Viktor had first moved out, checking the windows for locks (which had been installed almost immediately after he moved in) and looking over everything to make sure it was all in place. Like he was casing the apartment for a break in or checking for signs of forced entry.

"I'm fine," he replied too quickly. He looked up from where he was tugging on his boots to see his siblings give each other a quick look that he wasn't able to decipher. "School got out pretty recently and I had students to tutor so I didn't have a lot of time to clean, is all."

"School?" Allison asked. Her voice was calm and compassionate, like it had been back at Reginald's funeral in their original timeline.

"Uh, yeah," Viktor replied as he stood up. He was unable to stop the wince, even if the hiss of pain died before it could get past his teeth, when he felt the binder pressing on the rubbed raw skin. "I, uh, got a music tutoring job at a local school. I also supervise their LGBT club."

Diego reached a hand out, placing it on his shoulder. "Viktor, what's going on? You haven't been late to any of our get-togethers in the past year. And you weren't late to anything that didn't involve kidnapping or arrests in the entire time I've known you before then."

The touch made Viktor want to scream. He wanted to move away from it so that Diego was at least a room away from him. He wanted to lean into it so that his brother had both arms wrapped around him in those hugs that he missed so much. He had gotten a couple hugs from his students when they found him after their concerts, but nothing from his family. "That's not hard, there were only two," he replied, blinking at his brother. "And school kept me on a pretty tight schedule so I guess I've just been kind of forgetful since then. I was catching up on sleep and just kind of… overdid it."

Allison looked over at her brothers. She had one hip popped up and her arms folded across his chest like they were misbehaving children. She then sighed and moved so that she was shepherding them out of the door. "Come on, both of you, we have a family gathering to go to."

Both of the brothers stared at each other for a moment longer before they moved to leave. Viktor grabbed the lanyard that he now kept his keys on with his keycard into the school before they left. He made sure to re-lock his door before he walked after them. The drive to the park was completely silent, neither of his siblings even trying to make conversation with him the entire way. He let his head fall back against the headrest in the backseat, his eyes drifting shut. He could feel his own personal paradise, the inky blackness of sleep, tugging at him again. He had always liked movement, which is why his nannies had kept his baby carriage around for so much longer than the others, so that they could rock him back to sleep or take him on walks until he napped.

As soon as the car came to a halt he jerked a little bit. The anxiety was still resting just underneath the ache, waiting for its turn to make him feel like absolute shit and steal the remnants of his energy.

Viktor shook his head as if it would help himself stay out of his mind and in the moment. He clambered out of the car and followed after his siblings who were already walking towards the others. They didn't look like they were having a fun time like he would have expected, since they all got along so much better than he did. Five was doing the thing where he flicked his hair out of his face while glowering at someone, which meant that they were having a serious conversation. Sloane had her arms wrapped around one of Luther's while he fidgeted back and forth. Klaus was dragging his hands over his beard and through his thick curls. Ben had his arms crossed firmly over his chest and a deep scowl on his face. Lila was standing next to them all with her arms over her chest, Chrysanthemum sleeping soundly next to her in the baby carrier.

Diego walked ahead of the group so that he could get back to his little family faster than Allison was going. Sloane turned around as soon as she heard him walking over, a bright grin splitting across her face when she saw Viktor. She detached herself from her husband and nearly skipped over to him. Viktor had no idea how she could be so perky all the time, it sounded absolutely exhausting. Then again, over the past few weeks everything had sounded exhausting. Sloane wrapped her arms around her shortest brother-in-law, placing her head on top of his for just a moment. Viktor went stiff as his brain tried to process what to do in this kind of a situation. He was so unused to casual affection. Sloane beamed as she pulled back, guiding him over to the group by the hand, "You made it! I was kind of worried that something had happened."

"Why? I said I just overslept," he replied, clearing his throat to try and stop the cracking.

"Well I heard a big thump and I thought maybe something had happened," she shrugged. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"No," he shook his head. He gave the rest of the family a small, awkward wave once they were all standing in their semi-circle.

Klaus waved back at him, while Five looked him over like he was a particularly hard puzzle. Ben paid him no mind, as always. Lila gave him one of her crazed smiles that meant she liked you, according to Diego. Luther cleared his throat as soon as Allison finished meeting up with the rest of them as well. "Should we go find somewhere to sit at the picnic tables? Sloane and I made a picnic lunch so that we had something to do other than discuss our lack or powers," the tallest of the siblings grinned as he placed an arm around his wife's waist. She easily leaned into him, her smile matching the intensity of his perfectly. It made Viktor's heart clench and the ache return tenfold, he had never missed Sissy more than when he was watching someone else be happy with their partner.

There was a murmur of agreement, ranging from adamant excitement (Klaus) and apathetic borderline whining (Ben). The group walked over to the picnic tables a few yards away from the playground. They piled onto one of them while Sloane and Luther unpacked the food that they had brought and left while everyone was getting ready.

"Sorry for being so late, I hope I didn't ruin anything," Viktor said, trying to act as natural as possible. The sight of the food, while normally appetizing since Sloane was a great cook, was making his tight stomach roil with displeasure.

"You couldn't ruin anything," Sloane said, giving him another smile. She had become very close with all of the siblings, but she always seemed to show a special kindness to Viktor, like she knew what it was like to be the odd sibling out even if their traumas didn't align perfectly.

The aforementioned man let out an almost deranged bark of laughter, which brought him unwanted attention from Lila and Diego. They turned and stared at him for a moment, the former's brows furrowed together so they're almost a congruent line. Allison was quick to divert the attention away from him as she asked, "So this is a check in. Has anyone noticed anything concerning their old powers or new ones? Any flashes?"

Klaus made a face and shrugged. He knocked shoulders with Ben before saying, "I've remained ghost free for the whole year, babe. And the bentacles are yet to make another appearance."

Ben shot him a glare with no real fire behind it and stole a deviled egg before Five had the chance to grab it. "Too slow, old man," he smirked.

"I will gut you like a fish, hentai," the teenage-shaped man warned, pointing his plastic fork at the other former-superhero menacingly.

"Hey, both of you stop that," Luther said before it had a chance to get any more out of hand. Sloane served Five another deviled egg to try and placate him, which worked. Despite being the only woman in the group that hadn't had a child, she seemed to be the most maternal out of the three. She also knew which foods each sibling liked best, for the most part, and so made sure that they had one serving of their favorites on their plates.

Viktor clutched at the fork in his hand while he picked at the food he had served himself to blend in. He knew he was going to have to eat eventually, but it seemed like so much work that he didn't have in him.

"Diego still cuts himself every time he tries to make anything in the kitchen, so I haven't had a good power to try and mirror but I haven't noticed anything. Nothing from Chrys either," she reached her hand down and touched the handle part of the baby car seat when her daughter was mentioned. The little girl made a gurgling shriek when she was mentioned. Lila immediately leaned down and removed her from her carrier so that the baby was sitting on her mother’s lap and looking at all of her uncles and aunts with fascinated brown eyes.

No one else spoke up about their power returning, and the group fell quiet for a while. Five stabbed his fork down into the middle of his sandwich as he looked over his family with a quirked eyebrow, "Well, that's not the worst thing in the world. Has anyone had any difficulties? Things like the Commission showing up or possible stalking." There was again a murmur of decline that spread out around the table. They had all been able to pass pretty easily under the radar. Allison was the only one of them that was famous now, since she was still a movie star.

The group moved on to a different topic of discussion after that. Viktor wasn't really listening as he tried to get down as much of the food on his plate as he could. It felt like he was trying to swallow rocks, especially with how heavy every bite sat in his gut.

"Dude!" Diego snapped his fingers in front of his shortest brother's face to try and get his attention.

"Huh?" Viktor asked intelligently.

"We've been calling your name for like thirty seconds. Are you sure that you're okay?" Sloane said, reaching across the table to place a comforting hand on his wrist.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he shook off their concern. "Just tired, that's all. What was the question?"

"How have things been going for you? I heard that you got a job," Sloane repeated the question that she had asked earlier.

It took longer than he would have liked for his brain to process everything that was being said to him. His tongue felt like lead in his mouth and the sinking panic in his gut was the only emotion that got past the ever-expanding void that had replaced his heart. "Oh, yeah," he nodded. "I got a job as a supplemental music tutor at a high school near my apartment. Essentially I just meet up with small groups of students or one-on-one with them during their free periods or study hours and help them practice more. I also help the music teachers during their lessons by playing the piano or helping them pick pieces to play in upcoming concerts. I also observe the LGBT club with the choir teacher."

"Is that who Delphi is?" Klaus asked, batting his lashes at his brother as if that would get Viktor to give him more information.

"Yeah. She's just a friend," he shrugged. "She and her partners are going to be taking me to my first pride festival in two days though. I've met them before, they're pretty nice."

"Partners?" Allison asked, a small scowl flashing across her face.

Viktor nodded before he scrounged up the little bit of energy that he had to explain it. "She's got a husband, partner, and girlfriend. She calls them her spouses even though she's only married to one. They have a daughter who's about Ha- eight years old. They're pretty great, which is why I feel safe letting them take me to the festival."

"Aww, V, you could have asked me and we would have done a tour of them. We're around a lot of big cities that have some pretty great parades and festivals," Klaus commented, picking apart the roll while letting the crumbs get all over the table. "We could have even helped you look for another beautiful blond to capture your heart."

The grief that he had been battling for weeks came back and hit him full force. He dragged his face into a smile and gave his brother a weak nod. "What about, uh, what about you, Sloane? Did you find out what kind of job you wanted to do?" The aforementioned woman's face lit up as she began to explain what she and Luther had been doing since they had all seen each other. Viktor did his best to pay attention and give his normal quips, as if he wasn't feeling empty and heavy inside.

He stayed for another hour before he checked his phone. "I should really get going. It was great to see you all," he waved at his siblings as he carefully removed himself from the bench he was sitting on. "I'll try to keep in touch more than I have been."

Klaus removed himself from the bench as well, before Viktor had the chance to leave, wrapping his little brother in a hug. He whispered into Viktor's ear as he did so, low enough that no one else was able to hear him, "Sorry for bringing up Sissy. I know how much it sucks to lose someone you love because of time travel. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," Viktor replied on instinct, giving his brother a small pat on the back. The hug made him long for affection that he knew he didn't deserve. He had made life a living Hell for every single person sitting around the table because he didn't have any self control and didn't know how to be part of a family. He couldn't demand that they love and care for him after that. He had to distance himself from them.

Sloane was the next to get up and hug him. She tucked a sandwich into his hand after noticing how little he had eaten. "I know appetites are weird, but you need to make sure that you eat so you can make that beautiful music. I want to see you play next time your orchestra performs, please," she grinned.

"I'll try to let you know," Viktor nodded. It still felt awkward to have a family member that actually acted like a sister. Even back in their original timeline, he knew that it wasn't really normal for siblings to treat each other as they had treated one another. When he got out of the Academy and got to see families interact with each other on TV and when they came into the little bookshop he had gotten his first job in, he realized just how badly they had it. Even siblings that hated each other, the pair of twins that he had been trying to get prepared for the winter concert flashed in his mind, didn't act the way that they did towards each other. He and Allison had barely paid each other any mind when they were younger, and then their interactions afterwards had pretty much been them arguing about Viktor's choice in partners.

Luther got up and wrapped his brother up in a hug. For just a split second he felt panic shoot through his veins as he remembered the first time that Luther had hugged him. It hadn't even been a hug, it had been an attack to lock him in that horrible basement cage. He relaxed as his mind noted how much smaller the other man's body was compared to that moment. "Be safe on your way home, Viktor. Let us know when you get there?" he asked hopefully as he pulled back to look him over.

"Of course," he nodded. "I'm sorry to leave so soon, I have a lot of rehearsing to catch up on since I overslept this morning."

"Say goodbye to the baby," Lila stood up and dumped Chrysanthemum into her uncle's arms before she stalked off towards the direction of her and Diego's car.

"I- okay," he laughed a little bit. Being out of his cursed apartment and around his family was helping him feel better, and he knew that was the exact reason that he couldn't be around them anymore. Every time he began to feel happy about anything it immediately got worse. It had with Harold, Sissy, and his own gender revelation. Every time he had joy it was ripped from him just as he was beginning to settle into it. So he wasn't going to let himself feel joy anymore. "You're pretty cute," he informed the little girl as he looked down at her. One of her hands reached up and she wrapped her chubby little fingers around the closest lock of Viktor's bangs that she could reach. He hadn't had the time to cut his hair recently, so it was shaggy and hung down in his face.

"Ow," he laughed, untangling her little hand. "That's not very nice, flower. Can't imagine how your mom feels if you managed to do that to me in the first ten seconds of our second meeting."

He forgot how wonderful it felt to interact with kids. He had loved Harlan with his whole heart and soul after he had met him properly once he had been released from the hospital. The two of them had been like two peas in a pod immediately after that, barely ever being apart from each other. The medication had stamped away a lot of his emotions, but he knew that he wouldn't have been able to feel love like that before then even without them. Harlan had been sweet, kind, compassionate, funny, and reserved all at the same time. There were so many lines of Sissy in him, and Sissy had been the absolute love of Viktor's life. There were some days that he still woke up and called for them both, like they had been there his entire life.

Viktor let out a small sigh. He had to get out of here before he started crying again, because then he would never get his family off of his back. "I really do have to get going. It was wonderful to see you all," he gently placed Chrys back into her father's arms. He waved to his family before he turned his back on them and walked towards the front of the park.

The walk back to his apartment was just long enough for him to have time to think and process. His brain felt like it was filled with storm clouds. They made it hard for the good thoughts to get through and made the voice telling him about how he had hurt those he loved most rung around his skull like thunderclaps. The rain supplied the tears that were constantly blurring his vision and threatening to run down his face.

Despite his tumultuous emotions, he made it back to his apartment without incident. He didn't even realize he had gotten so close because he was so lost in his thoughts about his siblings and the lost family that he could have had. He was somehow even more exhausted coming back than he had been when he was present around his family and trying his best to hide his depression. Viktor dug his keys out of his pocket and then forced them into the lock before he could collapse into the hallway. He needed a good cry, maybe to break something, and another thirty-six hour nap.

He ran a hand over his hair as he dumped his lanyard in the bowl next to his door, letting it close behind him. He locked it and then toed off his shoes so he'd be that much closer to getting back to sleep like he wanted. Viktor ran a hand over his face to try and stop himself from crying before he was even a foot into the apartment.

"These are really sweet," came a voice from the kitchen.

Viktor jumped and reached for his keys again. He had never had any self defense training but he had been a young woman walking around a city full of people he didn't know for most of his adult life. Then, he caught sight of his brother standing in the kitchen in front of his fridge. He had his finger underneath the large notecard Viktor's students had given him at the end of the year so that he could read it easier. "How did you get in here? I have locks on my windows, I know for a fact that my door was locked, and you can't blink anymore."

"Mr. V, thank you for helping me learn how to hold my bow in a way that didn't hurt my hands, love Marcie. Mr. V, thank you for helping me realize my gender identity, Apple really appreciates that I'm not complaining anymore, thanks again, Sea."

"Five," Viktor said as he set his lanyard back down and walked closer to the other ex-powered man. Five had grown to about the age of eighteen in between all of the time jumps and the year they spent in the new timeline. He was already about six inches taller and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. "What are you doing here?"

"Mr. V," he started to continue reading the notes.

"Five!"

The younger-older brother rolled his eyes and let the collection of notes drop back down into its place on the fridge. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his suit pants as he turned to look at the shorter man, "What, a worried man can't come and check in on his brother?"

Viktor crossed his arms defensively over his chest. "That's not something that you do, so tell me what you actually want."

"Believe it or not, I am actually concerned for you, Viktor," Five took a step closer to his brother. "I know what it's like to be alone for an extended period of time. Getting a family and then having to return to that solitude is hard."

"I'm fine," he said quickly.

"You're not fine. You barely ate any of the wonderful food that Sloane made and you barely engaged in any conversation. Remember, Viktor, I used to be a trained assassin. I know every little flicker in someone and what it could mean. I saw how you shut down when Klaus made a joke about Sissy, and I heard you almost bring up Harlan," Five said. "I know how hard it can be to lose people that you're close to. Please just let me help you."

"Help me with what?" he asked, leaning heavily against the counter.

"Your depression. And the PTSD you most likely have. I think that the worst thing for you is to be alone in your old apartment. I can't imagine what being cooped up in here is doing to you," Five answered.

Viktor brought his hands up to his face, scrubbing at it for a moment. "Five, I know that you didn't know me for very long in the grand scheme of things, but I don't need any help. I've had depression my entire life and it's honestly easier to deal with now that I'm not on the meds Dad used to give me. This isn't my first depressive episode and it won't be my last. I'm fine," he repeated the thing that he had been telling his family all day.

"So you know that you're depressed and yet you still haven't reached out to anyone about it?" Five asked, his brows furrowing together in confusion. "Even after all this time, I don't understand other people."

"Apparently not. I hate to break it to you, but not a lot of people want to go around throwing their mental health issues all over their family," he snorted.

"The rest of our siblings don't seem to have a problem with it. Now are you going to let me help you or not?" the taller man nearly demanded.

"Surely you have better things to do."

"I do not. Do you really think that I would waste time here if I had something better to do?" he asked, trailing his finger over the fine coating of dust that was layered all over his apartment. It had been a long while, even into the school year, since he had the energy to clean. "You take precedent over the other things I had planned to do."

"I shouldn't," Viktor almost spat. "After everything that I've done you should all hate me."

"You didn't mean to start three apocalypses, we should all be blaming Dad for that," he said dismissively. "Now come on," he grasped his brother's arm and dragged him back to the living room. Five pushed Viktor down on the couch and then gathered up the dishes that were littering his coffee table. He opened up the windows behind the couch so that there was sun and fresh air streaming into the stuffy apartment. After things were cleaned up a little, he sat down next to his brother. "Talk."

"About?" Viktor asked as he let his head roll back against the couch. He turned so that he was looking at the taller man, who was picking at stray threads on the arm of the couch.

"Anything you'd like. Your students, that friend you mentioned, your transition, Sissy and Harlan. Anything," he replied.

It was as if those words had opened up a floodgate he didn't know about. He began to babble about the month he had spent with the love of his life and the boy he had grown to think of as a son. He told Five all about the horses and cows that he had walked with Harlan to go see, and the nearly endless games of hide-and-seek that they had played in the barn. His breath hitched in his throat as he realized he was about to admit something he had barely even thought about himself, but it was going to be out in the open with or without his consent. "I… I loved them so much that I almost didn't want you to come and find me. It wasn't like my memories were hidden because I had an actual brain injury, they were hidden as a trauma response to finding out about my powers and almost killing all of you. I think some part of me didn't want you guys to come and find me. Of course, I wanted to know who I was and why I had been hit by a car after waking up in an alley. But at the same time, I was happy with Sissy and Harlan and I didn't want that to go away. And then it did. And then I found out how much I had destroyed their lives. They never got to be happy because I did something stupid. It was my fault that Harlan ran out to the lake, and then my fault that he got powers, and then my fault because I didn't bring them to the future with us. I fucked up their lives and made them absolutely miserable."

"I don't think so," Five shook his head. "I mean, if you really made their lives so miserable she wouldn't have been that in love with you. I may not have spent a lot of my life around other people that weren't trained assassins but I knew how much she cared about you."

"I miss her," Viktor felt the lump in his throat growing more and more as he thought about the two people he had loved so intensely and lost so violently. "I miss her every day. Sometimes I have dreams that we got the lives I wanted us to have, right after I got all my memories back and I thought I had taken the powers away from Harlan. Then I realize that in this universe she didn't even know I existed."

"Cherish the memories that you have with her, Viktor, and mourn her as much as you need," Five reached over and rubbed his brother's shoulder reassuringly. They were both so awkward when it came to physical affection that they weren't quite sure what to do, but it was clear the taller brother was trying his best to express his love. "If Allison gets to get away with making a deal with our father that resulted in both Luther and Klaus', albeit temporary, death, then you can be sad for as long as you need."

Viktor brought his legs up to his chest and finally let the ball of pain resting in his throat explode. He had already cried and hurt so much for them, but there was something different about mourning with someone else with you. "Everyone I love gets hurt."

"That's not true," Five replied with a small shake of his head. He glanced towards the door, something that Viktor immediately noticed.

"You can leave if you want, you don't have to stay here. It's not exactly a fun time," he let out a small laugh.

"No, it's not that. I asked someone else to meet us here. I'm not very good at… feelings," he hummed. "I knew that I would get you to open up to me but there are other members of our family that are more socially apt than I."

The smaller man hummed as he dragged the throw blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders. "I feel like shit all the time, Five. What's wrong with me?"

The retired assassin got up from the couch and wandered to his small kitchen. He was looking through the cupboard and the fridge for things that he could use to feed his brother. "You cut off all contact with the people that love and care about you. Both by circumstance and because of your mental health," he answered. "You've done it your entire life. When we were kids it was because Dad forced you to, and then Harold, and then your amnesia. This time you did it because of your own head."

"Yeah. I fuck up everything for myself and others," Viktor said, his voice dripping poison meant only for himself.

Five threw a ball of paper at the smaller man. "Shut up. Don't talk about yourself like that. We're all people that make mistakes. You just happened to make a mistake that we can fix this time."

Viktor didn't get the chance to try and argue with him as there was a knock on the door. Five walked from the kitchen to the entryway before the other man had the chance to get up. "It's about time you got here," he sassed as he almost threw open the front door.

"Hey, when you're taking care of a five-month-old you can yell all you want about punctuality but until then you gotta shut your tiny mouth," Diego said from the other side of the door. All of the siblings from the original timeline pushed past him and into Viktor's tiny apartment.

"Wow, this place looks almost exactly like it did in the original timeline," Allison commented. She then smiled upon seeing her brother sitting on the couch. He looked even smaller than he did normally because of the way that the blanket was wrapped around him, hiding the position he was in. "Hey little bro. How are you feeling?"

"Like garbage," he replied, forcing the tears off his face with his hand.

She let out a motherly click of her tongue as she walked over to him. "I'm sorry," she grasped a few tissues from the box on the table next to the couch and handed them over. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not anymore. I already told Five," he replied. He took the tissues, no matter how reluctantly, and wiped the tears and snot away properly. Klaus walked over to the other side of the couch and nearly collapsed down. He threw an arm around his brother's shoulder to bring him into a comforting cuddle.

"That's okay. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to. But you do have to put up with us being in your space. We're going to take care of you whether you like it or not," Klaus informed him with a grin.

Diego nodded as he walked in and sat down on the chair next to the couch, facing away from the kitchen where Luther was walking. Five was still rummaging around in the cupboards, but he was quickly pulled away and pushed out of the room. "Five, get out of the kitchen," Luther called. "Go to the store and pick up some bread and eggs. I'm going to make the french toast recipe that Sloane and I found the other day."

Five opened his mouth to try and argue, "I don't think we should trust you in the kitchen."

"Why? I have a wonderful wife that's been teaching me to cook since we got our apartment," Luther was still shooing the other man out of the kitchen. Five was about six inches shorter than Luther, reaching closer to Diego and Ben's height. The two continued to argue before their youngest/oldest sibling was stalking out of the apartment with a handful of bills clamped in his hand. Viktor laughed a little bit at that, feeling slightly lighter than he had before.

They sat in silence for a while as Luther rummaged around in the kitchen to try and find/clean the things that he needed. Diego then grunted and moved to stand up from his chair. "Hey V, has anyone taught you how to shave yet?"

"No, the beard is kind of new," he shook his head and ran his hand over the gruff patches of facial hair. They were only really noticeable when someone was looking for them, but they were splotchy and awkward.

"Come on. I'll show you how to shave so that you can decide what you want to do when it all comes in," Diego motioned for the other man to follow him. Viktor slowly slipped out of the hold of his siblings to follow his brother.

He was leaving bits of the stormcloud that had taken up residency in his head every time that he took a step forward. The weight and void that had replaced his heart were being chased away the longer that he spent with his family. He felt a little bit better, as he had in the park, but the feeling was growing and growing now that he knew his family cared about him so much they had gone out of their way to help him out. He knew that this wasn't the last depressive episode that he was going to have, and the one he was having most likely wasn't going to go away because his siblings had shown up once. It was nice not to have to fight his own mind on his own, however. He had always wanted to be a part of a family, so the fact that he had one now, especially once that wasn't being forced together because of the world ending, made everything feel a bit easier.

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