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ricksroaches · 3 years

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Jungkook - Dysphoria ch. 1

pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)

summary: Jungkook, a burnt out gifted student, comes home from summer camp not ready to start his sophomore year of highschool, but his friends are there to help him feel better. Although not in the best of ways.

notes: This is a Euphoria-ish au but mostly it's just heavily inspired by the show (I use a few quotes), and each chapter is based on a character. There's a few parts where I cue a song title that's because I made a soundtrack to listen to while reading but I deleted it a while ago so :( if you feel like it listen to the ones I did write down. I'm apologizing now bc my writing can be a bit choppy/rushed its just cuz i have a more drabble-like style and don't know how to write between big scenes. THIS IS A DARK FIC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Hope you enjoy and sorry for this big ass paragraph.

word count: 3.9k

warnings: ass-load of angst, mental illness (depression, anxiety, bipolar, OCD, and probably more), drugs (all of them. just all of them), underage drinking, cursing, mentions of self-harm

Next chapter

[Slideshow - Labrinth]

When Jungkook was 5, he wanted to be an astronaut. He wanted to fly into the sky and zip around space exploring things never before seen. His little mind was so strong, wanting to learn anything and everything. When he first learned how to read, he would read every sign he passed in the car and play games with the letters he’d find. It wasn’t long before he was placed in advanced classes with kids he'd never seen before and for the first time in his academic career, he was challenged.

When Jungkook was 10, he wanted to be a doctor. He wanted to wear a white coat and glasses and race around a hospital busy saving lives everyday. He wanted people to look to him for advice and treat him with respect. He wanted to feel needed.

When Jungkook was 14, he wanted to be a paramedic. He didn’t think he’d be smart enough to become a doctor so an EMT would have to do. His classes had begun to pile up in work to the point where he didn’t have the time to think about anything but school. He ate, slept, and breathed homework, projects, and term papers.

When Jungkook was 16, all he wanted to do was graduate. He no longer had any desire to pursue his childhood dreams. When he was asked what he wanted to do when he was older, his mind was a void. He couldn’t see any future for himself past high school. He went day to day not bothering to care about what might happen the next day. He coasted through all of his classes and dropped out of the advanced programs that his parents put him in.

His potential was like a flame. It was small at first, but still had loads of potential, so more kindling was thrown on top. The flame received it well, quickly spreading over the new material. But they kept stacking kindling. Stacking and stacking and stacking putting more and more pressure until finally….the flame died. All because he liked to read.

[Forever - Labrinth]

The clouds inched across the sky and rows of crops and fencing whipped by the car window. A stark contrast between the two. Jungkook rested his head against the glass and watched as the car began to pass more and more houses. The familiar area told him he was almost home. He should’ve been glad, elated even. He would finally get to see his friends again, but after three weeks of summer school to catch up on the class he skipped last year he’d lost the ability to smile or show any form of positivity. To say he felt like a zombie would be an insulting understatement.

The car pulled into the ever so familiar driveway and the rest of his family piled out of the car. He didn’t move. He heaved a long, anguished sigh before snatching his duffel bag from the other seat and throwing open the door.

He was out the front door again before his mom could even ask him where he was going. Speeding his bike down the empty road that he’d ridden countless times before. He could make this route with his eyes closed. The house in question came into view and Jungkook pedaled harder to close the distance. He swung one leg to the opposite pedal and straddled it until he swerved to a stop in the driveway. The house was old, hadn’t been lived in for years, wasn’t on the market, yet wasn’t scheduled to be torn down. It was the perfect place for a group of teenagers to tear apart and put back together. Without knocking, he stepped inside and was hit with the welcoming scent of booze, pizza, and weed with notes of cigarettes and coffee. Music blasting from a distant room in the house led him to the living room where he counted one, two, three, four, five people sprawled about the room. Upon noticing him standing in the doorway, they jumped up and raced to pull him into the room.

“Kook! How you been man? How’d surviving summer school go?” Taehyung was Jungkook’s best friend and unsolicited wingman. He was always trying to set him up with girls so he could get his v card punched. Taehyung was ever the ladies man. Never had trouble finding a date or a hookup. No one could blame him though. If they had that flawless, arrogant face they’d use it too. Despite his fuckboy nature, he was the best friend Jungkook ever had. They’d gone to the same school since they were 7 and Taehyung’s untamable charisma sniffed out Jungkook’s shyness rather quickly. They were inseparable and the rest is history.

“Fine I guess.”

“Kookie, come sit down! I’ve been saving your spot on the couch for you!” Jimin pulled Jungkook to the left corner of the C shaped couch. Jimin was like Taehyung in the sense that he also had no issues with finding partners. He wasn’t near as promiscuous as Taehyung, but he made up for it with his bisexuality. He had an entire other gender to choose from. Jimin was probably the nicest of the group. He always gave the best hugs and was their personal therapist. His aura seemed to coax you into opening up to him even if you hadn’t originally planned on it. He had a way of saying all the right words to make you feel better, even if it was just for a moment. On the other side of him, he was the biggest party animal the group had ever seen. Anywhere else, he was the purest angel that everyone believed could do no wrong. But at a party? Park Jimin was a demon. Seductively dancing in a stylish jacket, pants low enough to show his v-line, sweaty hair flipped back pounding shot after shot until he was the last man standing. That guy could party from sun down to sun up like it was a baby shower.

“Did you at least learn anything you missed last year?” Namjoon. Ever the parent. He was surprisingly humble given his father’s status and money. He easily had the best grades among the friends. School always came easy to him, no matter what it was. However, if you saw him outside of school, you’d never be able to guess he was one of the school’s top students. He carried an energy with him that dared anyone to mess with him or his friends. Although you didn’t see it often, he could make himself scary if he wanted to. All in all, he’s just a gentle giant that made sure everyone turned in their work.

“Absolutely nothing. I don’t know why they keep wasting their time on me.” Jungkook sighed. Hoseok threw a pillow from across the couch, smacking him in the face.

“Yah! Don’t talk about yourself like that!” Hoseok was the human charger. It didn’t matter if someone’s mama died if Hoseok was in the room there would be shenanigans. He was always the one to make some crazy dare that would end up getting them in trouble but they wouldn’t be mad because it was totally worth it. He also had great music taste and almost always was on aux. Hoseok’s vice was coke. Often the driving force behind his hyper nature, it started out as just a thing he did at parties, but slowly creeped into his everyday habits. It hadn’t become a problem yet, he vowed that as soon as he started getting nosebleeds he’d stop, although Jungkook was wary of how difficult that was going to be.

“Where’s Y/N and Yoongi?” Jungkook asked after noticing their usual spots empty.

“They left to get food. They should be coming back soon.” Jin assured him, giving him a comical slap on the thigh. Jin was the eldest, but rarely acted like it. Whenever he wasn’t making stupid dad jokes or eating he spent his time at the classical theater where he worked and sometimes acted. He planned on pursuing acting given his “world wide handsome face.” “It just has to be seen! People around the world need to swoon at my beauty” as he would put it.

No one heard the front door open and shut or noticed Y/N and Yoongi standing in the doorway of the living room.

“Food’s here.” Yoongi finally croaked. Hoseok and Jin yelped and sprung up.

“JESUS! Ever heard of announcing yourselves?! I swear you guys are the exact same person!” Y/N just gave a shrug and plopped onto the large bean bag that she’d claimed.

“Hey, Kooker.” She dragged out.

“Hi Y/N..” His unusual bland reply didn’t go unnoticed by her, but she brushed it off.

“You ready to get shit faced?” A playful grin plastered her otherwise tranquil face. A small smile poked at Jungkooks pursed lips. There was something about her character that always put him in a better mood. She was the one who invited him and Tae into the friend group in the first place, and because of that, he couldn’t be more grateful.

Yoongi tossed him a beer can and his car keys. “Start us off Jungkook.” Yoongi was by far the most terrifying one. It took some time to get to know his true person but there were still times when he still scared the shit out of him. Jungkook remembered when he first met Yoongi. He looked like he’d served time with the seasoned look in his eye that said he’d seen some shit in his day. He hadn’t spoken the entire time the group was talking and Jungkook was beginning to worry that he didn’t like him. It wasn’t til he finally spoke that Jungkook could release the breath he was holding. For someone so stoic and cold looking, he never expected him to have such a low, soft voice. He realized, Yoongi wasn’t scary, he was just quiet like him.

Jungkook took the keys and poked a hole in the bottom of the can. He pressed his lips to it and pulled the tab, sending the amber liquor shooting down his throat. He finished it with ease and crushed the can in his palm while the room cheered and chanted.

The loud music, laughing, and drugs drowned out everything in the outside world. It felt like the world ended and they were the last people left on Earth. Nothing mattered but what was right in front of them. The hours flew by until it came time for everyone to crash. Most of them were still raging drunk or high which only made them fall asleep faster. Jungkook didn’t drink much and he barely smoked. He just couldn’t get in the right headspace to enjoy any of it. So there he was, laying awake among a pile of snoring boys at some ungodly hour of the night. His phone buzzed in his pocket. He fished it out to read the text in his notifications.

[We All Knew - Labrinth]

Y/N💜: come to my office

He shimmied out from under Taehyung and Jimin and tiptoed out of the room. He followed the smell of weed through the house because where there was weed, there was Y/N. He stepped into the backyard and found her leaning against the wall, blunt between her fingers. The tip of the dark stick swelled into a bright orange when she took a drag. Smoke rolling out of her nose, she held it out for him. He hesitated.

“You're upset. Take it.” Which was a dead-on observation for Y/N, who’s not normally revolving in the same direction as planet Earth. He hesitantly took a puff from it before handing it back. She spread her arms lazily and looked at him with a beckoning stare. He sighed and walked right into her arms that wrapped around his back. She was only older than him by a year, but her old soul and almost motherly demeanor made him look up to her like she was his idol. Sometimes, he forgot he was a whole head taller than her. “Welcome home, Kookie.”

Hers was the only welcome he got that day that brought a genuine smile to his face. She had a way of making him feel welcome and wanted even if she was in a bad mood. She broke the embrace and without a word headed to the old couch by the empty swimming pool. He eventually followed her and flopped down next to her. Another gush of smoke entered the chilly air and it was handed back to him. Feeling better, he took a healthy drag and sighed out the smoke as he sunk further into the couch.

“Was it that obvious?”

“Was what obvious?”

“Me being upset.”

“Not really.” She flicked the ash off the tip of the brown stick, her gaze not breaking from its spacey stare.

“Then how’d you know?”

“Pain recognizes pain.” Y/N wasn’t one for her genius epiphanies, given that nine times out of ten on any given day she was stoned out of her mind. She wasn’t dumb, god no. He wouldn’t doubt that she was smarter than him, but she rarely exercised her ability. As great of a gift that her mind was, it was an even worse curse. An inescapable tomb of her worst fears, thoughts, and intentions, with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. So naturally, she tried anything and everything to silence her mind; alcohol, weed, acid, coke, molly, you name it, she’s done it.

Jungkook wasn’t angry or disappointed by the lengths she went. He knew she was just trying to feel better, and to him, that’s all that mattered. He’d take high Y/N over no Y/N at all.

“Y/N?”

“Yep.” There was a silence while he worked up the nerve to speak.

“How…uh….how long have you felt…the way you feel?” She chuckled and let her head fall back against the couch.

“Well I smoked a blunt with Yoongi in the car this morning and then-”

“No, I mean like…w-without drugs.” Her lazy smile didn’t change, but her eyes unfocused and she grew quiet as if lost in a flashback.

“How long do you think I’ve felt this way?” He didn’t anticipate this question.

“Uh…I don’t know…you hide it really well.”

“I couldn’t tell you when it started. I don’t remember much before 7. I’m told I was a happy kid, but it didn’t feel like it at all. All my life I’ve looked around and seen that everyone was so much happier than me, and I’d ask myself, ‘Why can’t I feel like that?’ It wasn’t until I was older that I learned…I was born to suffer. That’s just my place in the world.”

“When did you finally tell anyone?”

“I didn’t. My parents found my razors.” Jungkook always thought he saw scars on her arms and legs, but her milky skin made it hard to tell. It hurt his heart to know that it was true, and that every one of those once caused her pain. The image of her forearms and thighs slick with her blood brewed tears in his eyes.

“They determined they didn’t have the knowledge to help me, so they asked me to take a tour of this mental hospital and think about their suggestion….” She paused to keep her voice from cracking. “I didn’t make it home that day. Never really forgave them after that.”

There was a long silence after that. Jungkook didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. Besides, he knew she hated condolences. “What made you start using drugs?” She took a drag of the blunt and thought about it.

“I was 13.” Really? “I found my brothers stash of weed in one of his shoes. I already knew what weed was and what it was used for, so I took about a gram and a rolling paper and taught myself how to roll a joint on my bathroom floor. I was shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds but when that joint hit, I thought…” She tilted her head to peak at him with an epiphanic smile, “This is it…This is the feeling that I’ve been waiting to feel my entire life. I thought I was sure to get caught and sent to juvie, but I wasn’t. The world went on, and I found a way to live. Now could my lifestyle kill me? Will it kill me? Yeah probably I don’t know, but at least I could’ve had a few years where I wasn’t begging the universe to put me out of my misery.” She paused to take another hit. “People often ask me, ‘Y/N why don’t you try therapy? Drugs aren’t the answer.’ Yeah well, drugs work. Therapy’s a guessing game; you never know if it’s gonna actually help or not and end up wasting your time and money. But when I take that hit, that line, that tab, the world starts to slow…and everything goes quiet…and I feel safe. In my own head. And I can see the world in color again.”

Jungkook watched her blissful face while she was lost in thought. She must’ve been pretty high because this is the most personal she’d ever gotten with him or possibly anyone that wasn’t Yoongi. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“W-what if I don’t feel what everyone else feels either..?” He pinched the skin between his fingers to keep his tears at bay, a nervous habit he’d picked up from her. She reached over and took his hand in hers, the webbing between her fingers had white and pink stripes from years of fingernails digging into the flesh.

“Jungkook,” she didn’t use his nickname, “I know how hard it was for you to say that. I want you to know how much I appreciate you telling me, because if anyone knows how you feel, it’s me. You can talk to me whenever, wherever. Even when you think it’s a bad time it’s not, because nothing in that moment is more important to me than you. I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did, so please, even if you don’t want to talk, maybe I can at least keep you company.”

For the rest of the night, Jungkook told her everything. About the pressure, the stress, the desire to collapse and let the world go on without him, his inability to see a future where he was fulfilled. The words often caught in his throat, having never said them out loud before. Y/N didn’t say much, she just wrapped them in a blanket and stroked his hair while she just let him talk. Sometimes, he’d have to stop to cry and she’d hold him a little tighter, wipe his tears away with her thumbs, and wait til he was ready again.

Eventually, he had nothing else to say, his tears dried, and his body stilled.

Babies didn’t sleep that good.

Y/N nodded off a little later but was woken up by a raccoon tipping a trash can. She rested her cheek on his head and tried to go back to sleep, but it never came. She just continued to rest her eyes while playing with Jungkook’s hair and tracing lines along his features.

She didn’t know how long she laid there but soon the birds began their routine morning songs and she was sure she wouldn’t get back to sleep now. The faint tap of shoes on the concrete perked her ears, but she kept her eyes closed. The footsteps stopped behind the couch where she sat. It was quiet before the person chuckled quietly. A warm hand smoothed back the hair in her face and a little kiss was planted on her forehead. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face.

“Yoongi, I’m awake you creep.” She cracked her eyes open to see her boyfriend laid over the back of the couch hovering above her, his dark hair tickling her nose. He smirked.

“Well in that case,” he grabbed her chin and tilted her head up before capturing her lips in a playful kiss. When they parted, he glanced down at Jungkooks still sleeping figure. “You guys stay out here all night?”

“Yeah,” she looked down at him and smoothed his hair back, “he just had a few things to get off his chest.” Yoongi almost asked what it was about but her face gave him an idea.

“It’s cold, you want me to take him inside?”

“It won’t wake him up will it?”

“If he’s as out as as he looks, he won’t.” She nodded and Yoongi circled around and slipped his hands under the sleeping boy’s body. Much to Y/N’s pleasant surprise, he lifted him bridal style with ease and she followed him into the house where he placed him next to the other slumbering boys.

When he straightened back up he saw her in the sliding glass door, gazing at the now dusty blue sky. She could feel his body heat on her back against the nippy outside air.

“I always loved the time just before dawn.”

“Why is that?” He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his cheek to hers.

“It’s so calm and peaceful. And incredibly quiet besides the birds. It’s the only time I feel truly left alone.”

“You want me to show you my favorite time of day?” She turned to him with a curious look. “Follow me.” Not long after, the two were perched on the flat portion of the roof with Yoongi’s bong sitting between them. His angular fingers effortlessly packed the bowl and held it out to her. “All yours.” She took it with a smile.

“What a gentleman~”

Soon, the sky went from a pale blue to pastel shades of orange and pink. He looked over to see her fiddling with a thread on his hoodie she was wearing. “This,” he took her jaw and guided her eyes up for her to see the sunrise, “is my favorite time of day.”

“Why?”

“It gives me hope. Kinda like you.” He was glad she didn’t say anything. She was lost in the color palette of the scene before her, the weed making everything so much more vibrant and striking. He could see the sky reflected in her eyes, making the view ten times better. More time went by and she rested her head on his broad shoulder while they watched the rest of the sunrise.

Back on the ground, Yoongi cleared the bowl and poured out the bong water before setting it on a table by the couch. Y/N was on her back in the center of the empty pool, slowly tearing a leaf above her face and analyzing how it separated cell by cell. He stood on the edge above and watched her do this another four times much to his amusement. “You wanna get breakfast?”

She was out of the pool and in his face before he could finish his sentence. “Like you have to ask.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes before turning and walking to his car. “Hey, Yoongi.”

He turned back.

“Carry me to the car like Jungkook.” He broke into a smirk and walked back to her.

“Yes ma’am.” She let out a yelp when he scooped her off her feet and marched the two of them to his car waiting on the street.

Cover photo: @BIGHITTED on Twitter

#bts #bts fanfic #bts x reader #fanfic #yoongi #yoongi x reader #ot7 x reader #bts fic #yoongi fic #bts angst

45 notes · View notes

devoidwrites · 3 years

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Summary - Your friend decided to drag you to a party a friend of hers was throwing. There you met Jun, who wasn't too much of a party person either. The two of you decide to skip out and it turns out to be a fun night.

Words: 2.2K

Warnings: none

"Do you wanna get out of here?"

"I'm not going Yerin!" You tried to pull away from your best friend, but there was no way she was letting you out of this one alive.

"You've been cooped up in your dorm for the passed two weeks y/n! You have to get out an associate with people!" She argued her case as she continued to pull you alongside the sidewalk. She had taken it upon herself to put you in clothing far too tight and drag you from your shared dorm room on a chilly Friday afternoon, barely getting out the words 'party' and 'cute guys' before pulling you out the door.

"I do associate with people!" You countered, huffing as you were finally able to pull yourself away from her grip. Yerin stopped walking, turning to make sure you weren't going to make a run for it. You knew better. If you did that you would never hear the end of it, so you decided to brave through this, for her sake that is.

Yerin rolled her eyes before turning to walk once more, making sure you were following after her. "Being paired up with random people in your introduction to psychology class does not count."

"I talk to you!"

"Barely, and we're roommates!" She reminded you with a scoff. "Do I need to remind you that I'm the one that started this friendship. If it weren't for me you'd be stuck back in the dorm with your nose in a book."

"So I'm guessing it's too late to back out of the best friend deal then?" You questioned, obviously joking. Yerin laughed sarcastically before squealing excitedly and pointing towards the building in front of you. You two had arrived at the party, which was in full swing.

You sighed before following your friend into the house filled with sweaty college kids. Something about being surrounded by drunk people doing drugs and acting like fools just never felt right to you. You would much rather be home watching tv or reading a book. You would rather do anything else over having to push through hormonal young adults grinding on one another just to get to an area where you could breathe.

Yerin handed you a drink as soon as you made it to the kitchen. "What is this?"

"I don't know, but it's free alcohol, so drink up!"

You couldn't believe you were friends with someone so outgoing and trusting. You knew it was a rule for a young woman to never leave a drink unattended, but here was your best friend, drinking the first thing she was handed. It just didn't make any sense.

"Do you wanna dance?"

"No thanks, I'm gonna go sit by the pool." You told her. Once she made sure you would be fine by yourself, she made her way onto the dance floor, instantly finding someone to dance with. It was a perk of hers, she never met a stranger. Then again, that wouldn't always be a good thing.

You tore your eyes away from your friend and made you way to the backyard, where the pool was. It wasn't an ideal situation, sitting around and watching people hump on each other in the pool, but hey, at least you could breathe out here.

It's what you always did when you were dragged to a party. You found a nice spot to sit until Yerin was ready to leave. Of course you could always leave her, but what if something happened after you left? You would never forgive yourself. It's the only reason you ever stayed at these damned parties.

"Not a party goer?" A voice spoke up from beside you, making you jump slightly. You turned your eyes away from your phone to look up, catching the stare of the boy beside you.

You could say he was handsome, but that would be an understatement. The way his straight brown hair cascaded down his face made his jawline pop, and his bright eyes shone in the twinkling lights above you. He gave you a sweet smile before clearing his throat.

You blinked, quickly turning away to hide your tinted cheeks. You were staring at him like a shocked little girl! "Oh yeah, being surrounded by a bunch of drunk hormonal college students is always a thrill!"

"Ah, sarcasm. I like it." He sat back in his seat. "I'm Jun."

"Y/n." You introduced yourself, gripping your phone a little tighter in your hands. "Are you not a fan of parties either?"

"They're alright, but I'd rather spend my time elsewhere." He told you before taking a sip of his drink.

"Then why are you here?" You couldn't help but ask. You had surprised yourself really. Normally, you wouldn't strike up a conversation with someone so naturally, but something about him made it easy. He had a nice vibe to him, and yours seemed to match easily.

"My friends dragged me here." He pointed over to a group of boys towards the pool. One of them did a back flip off the diving board, interrupting the couples make out session making the others laugh. "I figured I'd come just to make sure they didn't set the place on fire or something. What about you? Why are you here if you don't enjoy this type of scene?"

"Well, my roommate decided I needed to associate more with people, so she dragged me here and left to go dance with a stranger." Now that you said it out loud, it sounded somewhat depressing. She had just left you when she was the one to drag you here in the first place. You couldn't blame her though. She was trying to get you to open up, but it obviously wasn't easy.

"Sounds fun." He sat up straighter in his seat, his face more serious now. He glanced around, his eyes glancing everywhere before they finally landed on you. "Do you wanna get out of here?"

You blinked again, taken back by the question. This guy was brazen to ask you to just up and leave with him when you didn't even know his family name yet. "What?"

"Do you wanna get out of here?" He questioned once more, only this time he turned to look at you fully, his gaze capturing your own. "Let's escape the party and find something more fun for the both of us?"

"We literally just met." You reminded him, pointing a finger in his direction. "How do I know you're not some creep who's gonna kidnap me?"

It was a good thing to be cautious, but then again if you did something as crazy as go off with a random guy you met at a party Yerin would leave you alone for at least a week.

Your words made the boy chuckle. Jun slid a hand through his hair. "Do I seem like the type to want to kidnap you?"

"Nobody thought Ted Bundy looked like a killer." You informed him matter-of-factly, but your words only made a small smirk grow on his lips. "But he got his victims because he was attractive."

"Are you saying I'm attractive?"

"I-" You sighed, knowing you were caught in your own words. You then caught sight of your friend grinding on another random boy, which brought you back to reality. You couldn't believe you were even thinking about leaving with a random boy you had just met. "I'm sorry, but I can't leave my friend alone."

"Y/n!" A voice called out happily. You turned your eyes to meet Yerin, who had obviously had more to drink since you departed from her. "This is Wonwoo. I'm going to his place!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" You questioned, standing up to give your friend a questioning glance. You felt Jun stand up as well. He leaned over to whisper in your ear.

"You have nothing to worry about, Wonwoo wouldn't hurt a fly."

You turned around to look at him with an arched eyebrow. "You know him?"

"He's my roommate." His face morphed into a look a disgust as he realized what this meant. "Which means I have to find a place to go tonight."

"Who's this?" Yerin asked, giving you a drunken smile.

"Uh- this is Jun. You told me to associate more right?"

Yerin nodded as she leaned closer to your ear. "He's cute."

Rolling your eyes, you pushed her off of you. After fixing your shirt, you turned back around to talk to Yerin, but she and Wonwoo were already making their way through the mass of people still partying. You sighed, turning back to the brunet boy, who was smiling hopefully at you.

Now you had no reason to deny his offer of a spontaneous adventure with him, not unless you just didn't want to that is. You sighed, unbelief settling in that you were about to do something so crazy.

"Okay, let's get out of here."

"You suck at this!"

"It's not my fault my hand slipped!" You groaned as you walked back over to the seats the two of you occupied. Jun had brought you to one of the only fun places open this late, which was a bowling alley just down the road.

You had never seen an all night bowling alley before, but the owner informed you that he only stayed open late whenever it's was the weekend. It attracted the drunks and he got money off their drunken antics and it gave the teens something to do on their nights off from school. It was a smart move, actually.

"Let me show you how it's done." Jun was confident, something you weren't, unless it was about your studies. You knew you were smart, and you weren't afraid to announce it to whoever.

He waltzed over to the ball rack and picked up the yellow bowling ball he had been using the past hour you two had been here. He stepped up to the line and reeled his arm back before swinging it forward, letting the ball speed down the middle of the alley, hitting the middle pin and giving him a strike.

You clapped, laughing as he did a dance. "I admit, you're better than me."

"Why thank you!" He bowed over dramatically, making you laugh once more. You were actually having fun with him. It was something about Jun that made it feel like you've known each other for months instead of hours. He was just so lively and outgoing.

You had learned that he wasn't in college anymore, but he lived close by and stayed in contact with his friends he made in college. He always followed them to parties to make sure his friends were okay, and he was usually the designated driver so they wouldn't have to stumble all the way home. He wasn't too much older than you.

He worked at the local cafe, spending his days serving coffee to tired adults and treats to hyperactive children. He was extremely kind, always making sure you were alright at every chance he had. You always made sure to reassure him that you were fine, giving him a sweet smile to sell it.

"Sorry to interrupt your game, but I have to close it down whenever you two are done." The manager informed the two of you, making the smile drop from your lips. Checking the time on your phone, you gasped when you realized in was almost two in the morning.

"We'll try to hurry." Jun told the older man with a smile and a bow. The two of you did as promised and hurried up with your game, finishing just in time.

"I told you I'd win!" Jun boasted as the two of you walked down the sidewalk and towards the college campus. He offered to walk you home, and with it being late you happily accepted.

You chuckled at his happiness for winning a silly game. "I haven't bowled in years."

"Maybe we could do it again some time." He suggested, brining a smile to your lips. It was strange, but you were having a great time. Once you got passed the fact that you barely knew the boy beside you, you were able to have a good time. Perhaps it was the same for Yerin, but different aspects.

The two of you stepped up to the entrance of the girls dorms, meaning your night of innocent fun would be coming to an end. "Surprisingly, I've had a lot of fun tonight."

"Next time time you feel like you want to go on another adventure, call me."

"Is that your way of asking me for a date?" You questioned, cocking an eyebrow at the boy in front of you. He let out a breath before biting his lip and looking down quickly.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Absolutely not." You told him. You leaned forward, taking a daring move to press a soft kiss to his cheek before turning around to walk into the building. "Goodnight Jun."

As you walked towards your dorm, you couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of happiness. Perhaps Yerin was right after all. It's good to talk to new people every once in a while.

#seventeen x y/n #imagine #fluff #svt scenarios #svt imagines #svt au #jun x reader #jun seventeen #jun self insert #self insert #kpop imagine #kpop #kpop x reader

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little-precious-baby · 3 years

Text

This 2020...

First of all, I know most of the people did this many days ago but I thought today was like the best for me to say goodbye to this year.

Not to mention that this year has been very difficult, not only for me but for everyone. A pandemic that brought us many changes of which many are not yet comfortable and is understandable. In my case, in this year I have been able to understand many things, I have suffered and had to face other problems, and of course, I enjoyed important moments with my friends and family. My first decision this year I remember was cutting off my bangs without my parents' permission. I was scolded for weeks, even months and yes, I accept that seeing that picture from the first day of the school year is going to haunt me for a long time but I don't regret what I did. Is not a secret that for many of my irl friends, I'm like a little child that needs attention because if you give me your back, probably I'll be cutting my hair or even doing something worse.

As for emotional and friendship issues... I have to admit that I broke friendships in a non-gentle way, there were also discussions over totally stupid topics and not to mention love issues that simply ended up being a failure—a waste of time, to be honest.

While it hasn't been such an easy year, there's something I still don't even regret doing: coming here to Tumblr. My previous account has many years to created here —probably in 2017— however, at that time I didn't try to search much as I got to do this year and I'm glad I did because I met great people. Sadly I doubt at some point to meet you in person, but I hope you keep in mind that you make my days happier with your comments or just being you. I hope our friendship continues and that you all don't get sick of me so easily. Also, I wish you all the best as I know each of you is talented and has the ability to succeed in your lives. <3

Uh, the paragraphs 👉🏼👈🏼

Also I want you to know that this isn't in an specific order and that I hope you don't feel bad with my words.

💙 - @latte-fairytaekwoon

How can I start this without you rejecting my love? <3 You were one of the first people I decided to approach. I remember reading one or two of your works and just thinking "Wow, she writes very well... I'm going to follow her; it's going to be fun and interesting." I was planning not to talk to you at the beginning, to be honest. My end in mind was just to read what you updated and since you were the third account with content I had decided to follow, I thought it was a good plan. But one thing led to another and I decided to talk to you —which you probably regret since I bother you a lot lmao— and yeah, that's how we met and still talk to each other. I also need to mention that whenever I tried to talk to you about my problems or things that overwhelmed me, you always knew what to say to me even if that included to scold me. You always made me come to my senses. Many times I mentioned to you that you were like a mother to me as you "gave me those vibes" but how can you not? While you don't usually show so much affection through direct words of "I love you" "I care you," I feel them when you advise me. It's going to sound too idk, but I really don't regret to met you, Kitty. This looks like a bible and words repeating over and over again but how to show you that I appreciate, admire and love you if I always try to let you know? At this point if you still think I don't care of you, you are dumb 💖 By the way, it's worth mentioning that you and I have a long path together and you'll continue to be attacked with my love, support and jokes. I love you, mom 😗💙

💖 @winterviolet1

To be honest, I feel bad for not remembering how we started talking... I don't remember if I followed you first or if it was the other way around but hey, let's look on the bright side, it was fun to have met you and come together to always annoy Sofie with Hongjoong gifs <3 I hope we can still be little demons together and please, PLEASE, stop killing me 💀 I love when you send me gifs of Jongho because wow, that boy is definitely a daddy and more when he dances —I refuse to deviate from the subject but he jdudbd— but yeah, he kills me even when he just smiles. My point is that when I see those gifs, I went into a state where my mind goes to places that is better not to mention and I blush because yeah, we talk about my bias isbdkddj and I also frustrate because I find myself unable to return the same treatment to you dkdnskd. Ps: Let me know when we'll be demons again <3

💖 @teeztheflag

Your reactions are idejdindd art I feel shy as I know I never got to create a bond big enough to make you call my friend or that you consider me your friend but hey, it was great to talk to you. <3

Atte: the Slyffindor Girl 💀

💖 @twancingyunhoe

ALLYSSA 🥺 Okay, okay, just mention your name and I'll get in cute mode. I remember following you, yet I hadn't dared talk to you much. The safest thing I'd ever said to you was "Hello! I walk by giving love and support!" for days later asking if you were going to adopt me to have adopted Gabby as my sister 🥺 You're a beautiful person who has such a big, beautiful heart that makes me soft. I know I haven't exchanged many words with you this past month, but I hope that's not going to affect the fact that you're important to me. Thank you for accepting me, giving me love and always being so pretty. <3 kith kith

💖 @tinkerbellwoo

You are such a gift to me diejsndis. Since the first time I knew you, you were very kind and lovely to me. You won a part of my heart with your kindness and yeah, I do remember going to your asks and just "Hey, here is a bunch of love from me to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Also I hope we can be friends" kejebskssi. That was like my way to ask to be one of your closer moots because you were just so cool and I wanted to be friends with the wonderful person I saw had interactions with some of my moots. I'm sorry because I have time without actually having a large conversation with you and is completely my fault... I hope this new year will change that and I can talk more to you 🥺💖

💖 @yungidreamer

My older sister :( I'm so happy I had the opportunity to talk to you 👉🏼👈🏼 I still don't forget that you once used the dissapointed card with meeee, your little cute princess angel baby sister. I have cero regrets welcome you into my big, not normal, Tumblr family because yeah, probable we aren't the same but at the same time we are the same, if you know what I mean 👀 I hope we can have more conversations between each other because I know is very interesting to talk to you but at the same time I'm so shy :(

💖 @yunderland / @shangri-woo

How can I began this? Ksbsdusbs First, I need ti be honest. I do have my thirst times and well, I read many of your works in ghost mode 👉🏼👈🏼 I was kinda shy to just idk, interact kdidbdkd. Also I began to see you interact with Amelie and was funny and I began to think "What happens if I do try to be friends with her?" but also "What if she doesn't like how I am? I ccan be a bother some times...". And yeah, I was thinking that for maybe two days until I decided to make a move. I followed you and I said "Hi 👉🏼👈🏼 I saw you talking with Amelie... You seem like a kind and lovely person, mind if I try being friends with you?" skdbsudbdks. I. Will. Not. Regret. Talking. To. You. You are such a good person :( Every time we talk, you are just so attentive that makes me soft. Please, keeo being my friend :( even if you don't consider me as your friend :(

💖 @ursaurora

Well, I don't have that much to say because I just said hi while being in hiatus but hey, I really really like the idea of being friends with you. This doesn't stopped me to wish you a good New Year and hey, why not hoping to have a good relationship between each other? <3

💖 @illicit-roses

Rosa xkenskd you sidjdndid are isbddkdj a ksudkdid baby. Such a beautiful, sweet, kind and big hearted baby. I was also the first one to talk to you and I was the one that began being surprised by your words isbwkdz. Not to mention that I also got shy and touched by your words. In this year, I would love to be more close to youuuuuu <3

💖 @inkigayeo / @woo-san

Vivi, I don't know if you will read this so probably if you do, is because I told you in private kxjsksdnsk. I don't feel like remembering you how I began talking to you because you asked and I already told you that but something I for sure need you to know is that... I'm still very touched by your encouraging words to me. I think our first first conversation was about me being depressed and how I was feeling toward myself, then about my admission test that hey, you did amazing with your words. I remember I cried because yeah, I was anxious but you told me a great advice. And when I didn't do well on that an also began saying sorry to you for not doing well, you gave me anither good words that hey... How not be in love with Vivi? Vivi is just a Queen with a big heart and kindness to give to everyone :(( <3

💖 @atinyedits / @atinywrites

My lovely and beautiful Anrose kdbdkzkzd I remember I began to talk to you after I saw a post of Cottons talking about how you were such a fk rat brat and my first thought was "Hey, I want to be her friend" lol. And guess what? That's what I did isbszlxudbzk I went to your asks and I asked you if you wanted to be my friend and you accepted. We began talking and I began having this love to you idbesldjdbs. But something I do need to make clear is that I didn't thought you will be part of my Tumblr family as my mom kdjdsldudhs I still remember reblogging with an "you are married with Allyssa?! She is my mooooom" and yeah, you were welcome to a natural habit of a family who is thirsty 24/7 for Ateez or each other and yeah, such a triangle live attraction and the foughts you still have with my other mom kdisjsnd. But I hope you feel the love I have for you. Because I do love you and I trust you enough. Don't you remember how I send you photos of my body? I do feel insecure about it and still regret to be being called a Queen but yeah, I trust and love you enough, my Anrose <3

💖 @atiny-ahgase

Gabby, my sweetest sister 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I began this? Well... Not to mention that I usually read your interactions with Zad and as I wasn't someone you knew, I was scared to talk to both of you. You because I was mostly shy and for Zad because I thought he was intimidating, funny, right? Well, I'm not sure if I do told you about giving you tons of love and support directly but I do remember adopting Zad as my brother and he telling me he had a sister and my first thought was "Hey, why I can't have a big sister too?" and then I began talking to you and with what I was welcomed? By tons of love and cute gifs of kisses and hugs. You make me feel lovved, Gabby. You are such an angel 🥺 Please, don't stop loving your baby sister Mei <3

💖 @shinyddeonghwa

Omg, omg, omg. I feel bad because I don't even know how I began talking to you T^T I feel bad to admit that I get confused between you and Treasure and ksbsizbdsis I think it was with you that I talked in Portuguese jzusnsks and if not, I'm sorry for the miss understanding ksisjs T^T but something I for sure remember if you trying to dom me and then getting flustered when that didn't worked and it was my time then isnwishsslsns I also need to mention that is always cute everything you do dkdbskzusks even how you talk to me <3 I hope our friendship can last for more time <3

💖 @sansbun & @choisans-dimples

Bun and Cass, the brat in denial 👀😗, the sweetest babies I have met. Two lovely babies that love cats and San. I think my first interaction with the both of you was because of the Tumblr family. Bun, I'm sorry for not talking too much to you. You are such a kind person and I would like to be closer to you in this new year. And for Cass, we talked more in discord but still wasn't that much :( But it was actually funny to see you fighting with Mari, it was cute nsisnslds. I hope both of you know that your auntie loves you so much <3

💖 @galaxteez

ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH <3

Our first conversation was something thirsty, I'm 100% sure about that. And how to forget how I always forgot to turn on to be anon siwnsibddk8dn. But I'm still sure you loved to see my asks while me being anon than when it was actually me because mine was just cute, giving tons of love to you when my anon... Well... My anon 😗 I know I have time without having thisty talks with you so maybe this new year will mark the difference 👀 <3

💖 @ateezstanlove

Ndyensiddhsihssjwj here is when my mind is having problems to remember how I actually met everyone and that's making me feel bad skdbwksjzns but something I can be 100% is that I tried really hard every day to make you feel all the love I can give. I still remember when I saw you were on hiatus and thinking about leaving Tumblr. Being honest, I was really sad but hey, you are here now to receive all my love and have those lustful thoughts about Wooyoung's thighs —I saw that, sis 😗. But yeah sksnqisndks. I love you and I hope we can have more time as sisters this year <3

💖 @ateez-little-star

Jas, the beautiful star in the sky 🥺 You were actually my first sister in my Tumblr Family. I still think is funny how I try really hard to baby you but at the end is in the other way, you end baby me skjssksisns 🥺🥺🥺🥺 How can I be more grateful to met you, uh? You always listened to my problems and I do considered a lot your opinions, is very kind to talk to you. I feel always loved when I talk to you. Also not to mention how I felt when during the night you left and when I searched you, you were gone. I was really sad and my first thought was "If she doesn't come back... She will remember me?" ksudisbskd but in days you came back and I was so happy :(( Please don't leave me again, Jas :( You are very soecial to me, my baby sis 🥺💖

💖 @hiatus-kittenmbb

Msisnsiddn MU AUNTIE HERE, EVERYONE. MSIWBSKDJDSBSB I want your love, cuddles, kisses and all the things you can give me and I'll make sure to make you feel the same, with tons of love <3 Not to mention how funny is to talk to you and all the times you told me to bother Kitty mom hahaha such a good and lovely relationship both of you have hahaha. Ps:Don't forget I love you so much, Auntie <3

💖 @hwastreasure

Mia :( I'm sorry because I don't have many things to say but at the same time I don't want you to feel sad about it. I remember I told you I will talk constantly to you and I didn't do it. Please forgive me :(( Can we try again and be closer now? :(

💖 @hongjoong-a-holic

SOFIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-.... Oh, no. My mistake. Let me try again. MY LIL LIOOOOOOOOOOOON GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~. I don't have a lot of words how to describe the love and affection I have for you. You were always paying attention to me and giving me love —not to mention that you told me I needed to hug you just because you wanted nsisns and I say no lol— and that's cute sksnsksis. I also want to say that all those times that I do bother you with Blue about gifs of Ateez dancing sexily and those smuts and all that explication of sexuality... I have cero regrets! :D lmao. If you really thought I will say sorry about that, is a nono. I know you love it at the end lmao. But there is something I for sure need to be sorry... I know you were sad about me leaving ti be on hiatus and I still did but baby, I really needed to do it. I promise I'll be back soon. Very soon, just wait for me <3

💖 @hwaberrykiwi

Cam, Cam, Cam, Cam :(( I began to talking to you thanks to Jas that she asked me if I knew you and I said no and she just make me talk to you and guess what? I'm happy she did that because hey, I met an amazing person. And even if we didn't talked that much, something my heart will not forget are the words you told me when I said Uw as going on hiatus. I was really touched, I cried. I really did at the end but yeah. I would love to be more close to such a person with a big big heart <3

💖 @joongieblue

I don't even know how to began this because I think everything I need you to know, you already know it but at the same time I feel like I still need to say a lot :(( I don't want you to feel less as a person anymore... I know you said that way of thinking is because of your depression but baby, try to look at the amazing people who are with you, that cares about how you are and of course you are very important to them. You are very sweet and amazing as a person, let me tell you that I see in you a soft light. A very pure light that needs to shine bright in the sky but the darkness is making her feel like a insuficient and lonely light. Don't worry, things will get better soon. Trust me <3

💖 @seonghwa-is-babie

How can I began this without this looking awkward? 👉🏼👈🏼 I met you thanks to Zad and what I learned is that you were such a good, kind and shy boy but of course I still think you can be very intimidating if you want to. I'm sorry for not having a lot of conversation with you since I met you but I promise I'll try harder to be close to you. Of course, if you don't mind <3

🧡 - @seacottons

How can I began this?... The first time I talked to you, it was me trying to tease you really bad. I can also remember I told you to cald me kitten or something like that at that moment and the next thing we talked was about how I wanted to be adooted by you so bad isnsldks I don't regret doing all what you wanted me to do so you can adopt me because hey, you are amazing, wonderful as my other mom. Talking to you is like a way to calm my insecurities and stress I had during the day. You always giving love to me and even those cute hugs in the head you give or when you are too much sleepy to even type correctly iwjeneid you are such a baby :(( I'm still sorry for the time I called you a rouch, you aren't a bug... You are a beautiful, sweet, kind Queen I have the posibility to call mom. Not to mention that you are also my sweet, cool pumpkin —favorite— mom. Also, I can remember all those times you told me to bother or kick Kitty just because "she need it" dkbsskdjd the time you also wanted to disown me dibedidnzsj Leaving that topic to say cute things I love about you again is that... I'll be forever happy and gratefull with you. You gave me great advice when I needed them the most. You gave me a shoulder and a soft comfortable place to talk about my deep problems, my insomnia, depression, all of that. Thank you, mom. Thank you so much for letting me be part of your life and of course, youre mine. I will not share with Kitty <3

💖 @jongpleasure

My lovely, sweet and innocent twin ^^ lmao, we know we both are like really really twins. Our birthdays are very close, we both are Cancers, have the same bias that we share with each other because damn, he is really nice. But hey, is still very good to know you because you are talented, really really talented. The videos you create are wonderful and I am not saying that just because I know you, they are very good. The same with your fics, are amazing. You are an amazing writer, why you can't see that, uh? Want me to kiss your cheeks and hug you hard till you learn it? If you do want it, you are free to come to me and I'l give ut to you because msidbwks you are my lovely twin that I love so much. Have a great new year, I hope all your problems get resolved and you can noticed how you are talented enough to succeed and that you have friends in here that love you so bad. Kyra, my sweet twin I love so much <3

🕷️🕸️ - @yunhoshoe / @jonghoshoe

Aw, my baby prince Zad :(( The one I can trully see as a baby even when you are such a year younger than me. I want to protect you every time, even when I know I can't do that much virtually... So everytime I need to make me feel that I gave you all the love I can give and hope you can feel all the love I try to give you every time we talk. I'm still sorry for that time I make you feel uncomfortable with my missunderstanding about spiders and all of that... I'm also sorry for that time I send you gifs about dogs when you were scared of them... I'm really sorry, baby. Your big sister is dumb many times but hey, she is also still learning and want to give all she can to you. I hope this new year, we cab still be closer. Who is my little sweet, cute baby prince? Of course, you <3

💖 @xiuminswifeforever

I know we aren't that close, sadly. I follow you on twitter and here and everytime we talk is probably you being horny and wanting to have sex or somethung with your hmm... Is funny to talk to you and I know you told me that you are mostly in twitter and that was why we don't talk that much but hey, I would love to talk more with you. Want to try in this new year? <3

💜 - @yunhoiseyecandy

My sweet angel Violet :(( HoW I can began this? Kdsndid I don't remember very well how I began talking to you... Like I try really hard to remember how I began talking to you and my mind is in blank siwnsksus I'm sorry because of that but at the same time, is the good memories that are important to remember, right? How can I not be feeling grateful with the angel that with some kind words that came from her heart, made me a crying mess because of how touched I was? :(( There are many things I know I will not forget. That time I was feeling low beecause someone was just being very mean with me and you were protective, your kind words when I was just losing my mind and feeling all that pain inside and you helped me release that... For this year, I hope we can still be friends because you are amazing and I don't want to lose you :( <3

💖 @treasure-hwa

I feel really bad if I began saying this but I do want to say the truth and the truth is that I usually get confused between shinnyddeonhwa because you both had/have Hwa in their profiles and I know you both don't even write in the same way but idk, is easily for me to get confused, I'm sorry T^T Changing the subject, I really loved that time when we began talking in Portuguese and Spanish at the same time. Was really funny to even think how everyone would saw that ksjsnskdd Also I am very touched and happy when you roleplay with me... You are very sweet even while roleplaying and that makes me soft in such a way dksbskdid I would like to roleplay again with you, only if you want to any other time 👉🏼👈🏼 Also in this new year, I hope we can still be talking to each other for a long time, sister <3

💖 @cometoceantrenches

Not me being speechless every time I began writing a paragraph kwusnekdid also not me becoming your friend the second you asked me how was the relationship between Cottons and I 👉🏼👈🏼 But look at the good side, we are sisters now and guess what? I noticed how you have a big BIG heart and all the love you can give is just so cute when I receive it or just read it. I hope in this new year we can make new and memorable conversations together. Don't forget you have an special space in my heart <3

🤍 - @vocalyunho

Amelie, my sweet and lovely wife :(( How can I began this? I remember the first time I talked to you. I said your writing skills were amazing and that you were cute and I wanted to try being your friend. Not to mention that two days later I ask you to be my wife dkebdidbdkd But I don't regret that at all. I'm really happy I met you because every time I talk to you, I feel in a safe space... A place I can say how I really feel without being judged... And what do I receive every time I talk my problems out? Sweet words and advice :(( Amelie you are such a good girl, a good advicer and an amazing friend. Thank you so much for letting me be your friend. I know I won something big with your beautiful friendship. Also I know that you have problems and stress but hey, as you said, things hopefully will get better, we just need to be patient and wait. And don't forget that you can come to me everytime you want. I'll be here for you, Amelie. Anlso in this new year, I hope our friendship can grow bigger and yeah, why not trying to create new memories together? Remember you are Yunho of our 2Ho. Love you <3

💖 @sollyho & @ateezinmymind

Well... Maybe this will look like a very short paragraph but... I felt bad at the same time because I don't have that much to say... For sure, I'm happy I met both of you because during our conversations, I can deduce that I can trust you because you are lovely and all of that. What I regret so bad is that during this 2020, I didn't talked that much and that's why I feel bad for not writing something big but please, don't feel that I don't care about you because I do :(( i hope in this new year, we can talk much and maybe be close friends 👉🏼👈🏼

👑 - @barnesbabee

Queen Trixie 👉🏼👈🏼 Well, what I can say is that first, I love your humor keiwbsnd also that everytime you tive your opinion about something, you have valid points. This will sound stupid but I do really like to read when you post something. As I said some days ago in your dm, I really would like to be close to you but at the same time I do feel like that will not occur or will not happen that easily because I am not that cool and well, I don't know, I feel like I would be that kind of person you would dislike easily. Something I promised this year and will keep till this new year is the tonw of love I give to you and the support you need as a powerful queen. <3

💖 @multidreams-and-desires

My baby sis that I love so much, always taking care of me ane telling me how much you love me :(( this year was amazing. Probably our talks are mostly about problems or just giving each other love. I'm happy that I met you because you are always kind and of course you have also those thirsty moments that all our Tumblr family have —that's why we all get along, we are a bunch of people that have Ateez as their weakness lol. Also, I need to mention that in this new year, you need to know that I'll be giving you more love so just wait for me <3

💖 @msmadness99

Seven, my lovely Seven ^^ First of all I need to mention the iconic moment we both noticed we talked in Spanish after months of always talking on English lol. I know some of your insecurities about your writings and I still want to let you know that when I say that your works are amazing, well written and calls the attention easily, I'm being honest and saying that not as your friend, I say that as a fan of your works. I don't know who tells you or makes you feel insecure about them but hey, is amazing. Even those short things you write and don't get me started with Break Out serie siendjdbdkdys Every time you update, you make me have my heart in my throat kduebwdkd You are very talented, don't let others make you think other way. I love you, Seven <3

I think that is all 👉🏼👈🏼

I hope you all receive this new year with a smile and always being positive ❤️

I’m so grateful for your support and love this year. May you have a prosperous, happy and healthy New Year.

May all your dreams come true in 2021! You got this!❤️

#queue #Happy New Year✨#I’m so proud of all your accomplishments this year — and I just can’t wait to see what you do in the next.#In an extraordinary year I’ve been grateful for your extraordinary friendship…. thank you #You all deserve the best ❤️✨

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weabbynormalblog · 4 years

Text

10 Winter Holidazes Tips and tricks-

For those living with Fibromyalgia, CFS, depression, auto immune etc. it's time to have a little fun.

This time of year can be physically brutal, stressful and full of triggers. From Bright lights, lots of decorations, music, food and people. Yes and fun too!

The list...

1- Be Prepared

Me, I'm all about the quality of the moment. I want to survive the holidays and not end up in bed and have some fun too! For me its 1 festive beverage, water or juice after that. I'll avoid my muscle relaxant for 2-3 hours, I'll bring my own snacks, music/meditation and eye mask. Be prepared for any kind of moments. Also be prepared to have some fun, if your not into the event then do something that you do enjoy so you don't have the holiday blues.

2 - Pack healthy snacks, include mints or gum. Sucking on a candy can also distracts brain and keep you from indulging in too much of the sweets. Many of us who suffer with auto immune issues and disorders sugar is often is a trigger. I suggest portion control for those who tend to over indulge. Grab a plastic cup put your chips(taboo food) in there, when it's empty your done.

3 - Prepare for some discomfort. Remember your Meds. Distraction photos maybe of your children, animals, art project...plus whatever has worked for you in the past. Have something to focus on rather than your pain, discomfort or unhealthy thoughts. Have handy in your phone a seven to ten minute meditation to follow, to help you deal with all that input. Practice deep breathing technics. Do box breathing to combat anxiety - Get your friends to do it with you. No room for your timeout or rest? Take some me time in the washroom. Go sit in the stall put on your eye mask plug in your head phones. You can also go sit in your car untill you feel better then go back, or ask for company if you need it.

4 - Think pro active if you can. How have other outings gone? How did you cope? What worked? What needs improvement? Plan on that.

5 - Prepare topics that you would like to talk about. Write a few coaching words or topics in your phone. Since my brain injury conversation is problematic for me for many reasons. So here's a chance to improve my communication skills. Everyone is out for fun, your not being judge in this scenario. It's bound to be interesting and different than our usual day to day events. No expectations here except to have a good time. Don't worry if you forget to get to the point, the conversation will turn. If it's hard to follow conversations listen to only one person talking. Seek out quieter environs for conversations. Sometimes I like just listening too. I miss parts of the conversation that's normal for me, there's no point in being upset about it. My balance is terrible so I need to be careful because its so easy to fall too. Sure it can be embarrassing, screw it, I'm ok move on.!!!! It's beyond me, so there's no point in being embarrassed. What were we talking about, again? I find that fascinating etc. Put the emphasis on other people rather than on yourself. It's a perfect time to leave your struggles and worries behind. Remember to ask questions and feel free to interject how you would deal or cope. Forgot something? Said the wrong thing because of misunderstandings? No worries, this is you, they either get it or don't and it's all good.

6 - How to answer the worst question anyone could ask you. How are you? Such a loaded question. This is not the time or place to really tell people about your ordeal or how your doing. The perfect answer is I'm managing and how about you? Your out, appreciate it, savor it and manage it. Save the heart to heart for your close friends, not for socializing. If they are really curious and positive people agree to get together and hang out.

7 - Your starting to get tiered, that's the red flag, time to go. Say no if people urge you to stay. We need to respect our pain and boundaries today so that we can function tomorrow. When you've had enough say thank you, nice talking and excuse me, see you later or nice seeing you, say your good byes and go.

So I chose 1 event to go to this month and its a New Years music jam party at the restaurant that I jam at. I want to perform, sing and play guitar. I'll need all the energy I can get.

7 - Rest Up

So it's gonna be loud, lots of lights, got my bling sunglasses and ear plugs ready. I will be managing my energy very closely days before as well, while I practice my set list and rest. I will be napping before the outing or at least resting and meditating, so I can be at my best for the occasion. Take out your outfit days before try it on and so on. Be comfortable, don't wear your gorgeous high heel unless you brings some flats too, it's unrealistic for me to be in high heels for more than 1-2 hours. Make necessary planing changes for this outing, so you won't be hesitant the next time to take offers to go somewhere. You'll be well prepared and rested.

8 - Plan for lots of time to get ready. Stress creeps in easily for us. Make sure you leave plenty of time to get ready. I don't know about you but I don't do anything fast. 1 speed only, slow. And yet I can sing and play a fast song how weird is that?

The point is to enjoy your outing as stress free as possible while managing your energy. If you like to dance do just a bit. I suggest to sit out most of it if you want to See the ball drop, no point in exhausting yourself completely. If it's your jam, then you go, go go!!!

9 -Just say no, maybe another time.

Do not commit to more than you can possibly handel. Pick 1 event that you really want to go to this holiday season. Commit only to that. If your peeps are looking to connect with you, suggest a get together at your place or somewhere in the middle or an outing thats mutually beneficial. Like a walk outside to go get some hot chocolate. A spa date, a trip to the gym, go for a swim. Meet up for coffee.

As someone with Fibro or Cfs etc. Eating healthy is very important to us. I suggest bring enough of your favorite treat when out and about. Got allergies bring your own meal if you must. Human interaction is especially important for us. We need a whole tribe for this thing to get better. We tend to self isolate all the time due to pain and emotional issues. Your pain is important to me and others. It's not healthy for us to be in a dark room all the time. Humans are social creatures. We do need to take some responsibility of walking the path of better health whenever we can. Push yourself but only a little bit, don't overwhelm or undermine yourself in any way. No promises or commitments or anything that doesn't jive with you right now. Do what feels natural and comfortable that just pushes your boundaries just a little. Be conscious of managing your energy better so we can have a better day tomorrow too.

10- Have fun! Do feel great that you can get out! Be humble, if you can't and don't worry you missed this event there will always others. Take your time to heal, you'll make it to another one, when you're up too it. There's lots of people who can't get out during holidays, it's all too much. I say do something special for yourself. Book a massage, order in a meal. Treat yourself to some dark truffle chocolates.

Enjoy responsibly wherever your at!

#energy management #Enjoy the holiday #How to deal with holiday triggers #TBI #CFS for the holidays #how to behave at events when you have chronic pain #How to enjoy the holiday when you have chronic pain #How to enjoy the hidays when you have chronic fatigue #How to be goodto yourself for the holiday.#tips for TBI #tips for fibromyalgia #tips for chronic pain #tips for chronic fatigue during the holidays

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scripttorture · 5 years

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(1) i'm writing a story about a kid (under 13, havent decided exactly how young), who undergoes a horrible though mostly unintended period of psychological torture, set in northern Russia in the 13th-14th century. They're the youngest child of the local Lord, and their town gets invaded. Once the dust has settled, their family is brought up on a stage and all the commoners and servants are made to watch in silence as the family is tortured via slow dismemberment, then killed.

(2) The child is basically in a position where they have to serve the people that did this and maintain their disguise, or they will have the same done to them. At one point they are accused of theft and are given the punishment of that time and place- cutting off a finger. Beyond that there's no direct, intentional physical harm done to them. After several years, the invading force leaves and it becomes safe for the surviving child to come out of hiding.(3) What sort of effects could i expect them to have after the torture and trauma? Currently I have them as being so afraid of speaking giving away their identity that they've gotten selective muteness, and once it becomes safe to come out of hiding giving up their former title due to fear of becoming a target. I'm looking for stuff both during the ongoing trauma and afterwards, and i want to do it justice!

Thisall sounds possible.

Idon’t know anything about Russia during that period so I can’tcomment on whether these particular attacks fit the place and period.

Ialso don’t know much about childhood development. The majority ofthe accounts I have are from adults. And while the same symptomseffect children and adults the expression of those symptoms can bedifferent.

ScriptTraumaSurvivorshas a post here on age appropriate expression of trauma symptoms.

GenerallyI tend to stress that witnessing traumatic events doesn’t alwayscause trauma symptoms, but given all the other circumstancessurrounding this I think you’re right, it’s highly likely thischaracter would be extremely traumatised. They’ve lost theirfamily, witnessed horrible things and lived for years in a constantstate of fear and threat. Long term psychological effects areextremely likely.

I’dsuggest you don’t refer to that as psychological torture becausewell- that’s a phrase a lot of torture apologists tend to use torefer to things like starvation, sleep deprivation and stresspositions, which leave no obvious external scars but do cause a lotof physical damage. It’s a phrase that tends to get used to dismissor belittle physical tortures by implying they’re ‘only’psychological.

Iunderstand why that’s the phrase you reached for here though and Idon’t think you’re downplaying what the character goes through.Just- be aware of how that phrase is often used.

Iget asked about muteness or refusing to talk sporadically. Thereisn’t really a way to purposefully inflict it and from everythingI’ve read it seems to be a rare symptom. But you do occasionallyget survivors who stop talking for a period of time. And the wayyou’re describing this it seems as though you’re treating hisrefusal to talk is part of an underlying set of symptoms rather thanthe symptom itself. Which I think works.

I’malso getting the impression that you approach writing symptoms quitedifferently to the way I do. There’s absolutely nothing wrong withthat: we all have different ways of writing and I honestly think themost unhelpful writing advice is the sort which sets out to changehow someone writes.

Rightnow you’ve got a set of behaviours but not necessarily an explicitset of symptoms.

Nowyou don’t necessarily needto come up with an explicit set of symptoms to do this justice, butit might help guide you through how the character’s mental healthproblems change with time.

Atthe moment it sounds as though the main mental illness you’reportraying is anxiety (though you could possibly also write whatyou’re describing as hypervigilance or depression). That in turn isleading to social isolation as the character avoids or cuts himselfoff from other people.

Ithink that’s a pretty good starting point. The symptoms have beentied to both the character and each other in a way that feelsnatural.

Myinstinct is that given everything going on here another underlyingmental health problem might be a good idea. Given the character’sage, the setting and the other symptoms I think insomnia, learningdifficulties or memory problems could all work well.

Insomniaexacerbates pre-existing mental health problems and you could usenightmares as a way of tying this to the other symptoms.

Learningdifficulties would probably be a little more subtle as they might bedismissed as inexperience or a product of the character’s age butthat subtlety could also make them easy to work into the story. Theother symptoms clearly establish that the character hasserious long term symptoms and that means you have space to includeless ‘obvious’ ones.

Irecommend memory problems pretty often because they’re incrediblycommon in real life but rarely depicted well in fiction. They’realso often not acknowledged in the real world, despite having amassive impact on survivors’ lives.

I’vegot a Masterpost on the most common types and how they work here.

Giventhe story you’re telling I don’t think memory loss orinaccurate/false memories would be a good fit.

Butforgetfulness might well be: the character could easily use that asanother ‘reason’ why he ‘has’ to step down, believing himselfto be incapable or unsuitable. Intrusive memories could also be avery good fit and could feed in to his other symptoms. Writing wisethere’s the ‘danger’ of including too many flash backs toparticular awful moments, robbing these moments of their power. Butthis can be overcome quite easily by stressing the feelings thememory evokes rather than the details of the moment in itself.

Loopingback to the main part of the question- The ‘right’ way to handleany of this going forward is going to depend on the story.

Whilethe character is still in danger there may well be worse moments andbetter moments but he’s not going to make any real progress towardshealing while he’s still effectively a prisoner. This doesn’tnecessarily mean his symptoms will be constantly getting worse. Itwould be perfectly normal for them to reach a point and plateau.

Recoveryafterwards isn’t something survivors do in isolation. He’d need asupport network which he currently doesn’t seem to have. That couldmean that part of his recovery process is buildingtrusting and healthy relationships with others.

Giventhe time period and place the church could play quite a large role inhis recovery. Priests, monks, nuns (and anchoresses but I’m unsureif Russia had them) all played roles in communal mental health. NowI’m sure the quality of this help varied widely from place to placeand person to person but there’s nothing wrong with you choosingthat your character has access to better quality help.

Hislack of support network means that recovery would take longer andthere’d probably be a period where he’s at quite high risk ofharm. That doesn’t necessarily mean attack by others or self harm.Severe mental illnesses can make it difficult for a person to takecare of themselves.

Forinstance he might have days when he’d rather go hungry or cold thengo out among other people and get food or firewood. That’s the kindof time when having a support network is a huge material help.Linking back to the church idea I think it could be plausible to havelocal religious figures attempt to help in this kind of practicalway, leaving food or firewood. Other characters close to the survivorcould also fill this kind of role.

Recoveryis slow and it is rarely linear. Even if someone is generally gettingbetter they can still have incredibly bad days or weeks.

Andas people recover they often find that aspects of their mentalillness seem to change. For instance if someone has severe depressionit’s not uncommon for them to start feeling more anxious/overemotional as the depression eases.

That’spart of why I think trying to figure out the underlying illnessbehind these behaviours is helpful. It can give you an idea of how tohave those behaviours change in ways that are organic and realistic.

Goingwith the idea that the character’s major illness is anxiety- Thephysical symptoms can include shaking, nausea, heart palpitations,chest pain and generally feeling like you’re having an adrenalinerush most of the time.

Somepeople have speech difficulties when they’re having an anxietyattack. That can include difficulty taking in what people are sayingand difficulty communicating clearly (though it doesn’t stopspeech). Things like repeating the same short answer a couple oftimes. Sometimes it means giving a reflexive ‘answer that will getrid of the person’ rather than an accurate answer.

Anxietycan drive people to withdraw from others, especially if their anxietyis triggered by others. Things like stepping away from people duringconversation and struggling with crowds or confined spaces canhappen.

Itcan also be difficult to sleep, which in turn makes other symptomsworse.

Depressioncan make people feel tired all the time, while also making itdifficult to fall asleep or sleep well. It can make eating difficult.It tends to mute sensation and can leave people feeling numb.

Itcan get in the way of positive interaction with other people indifferent ways. One of the things I hear people describing most oftenis difficulty engaging. When all of someone’s emotional energy isgoing on holding themselves together sparing some for other people isincredibly difficult.

Ihave a post about solitary confinement that may help you get a graspon the effects of isolation. Keep in mind that solitaryconfinement is much more extreme then the vast majority of cases ofsocial isolation. The effects on your character probably wouldn’tbe this bad. But it could help give you an idea of the way this kindof isolation effects people and how it feels.

Itend to approach recovery quite organically. For me it’s anextension of both the character and their symptoms- the logicalconclusion of the situation the story posits. But that’s because Itend to write symptoms in a way that’s very rooted in the characterand I tend to write very instinctually.

Ifyou’ve got a more analytical approach then breaking symptoms downmight help.

Onceyou know what conditions the character has (rather than just thebehaviours) you can start to tie those behaviours to particularaspects of his mental illnesses. That in turn helps you figure outhow he might recover.

Let’stake his difficulty speaking for a moment and assume that the rootcause of that is anxiety. He probably knows that ‘fear’ is thecause of this. He probably feels less afraid on a daily basis afterthe invading force leaves. And that could lead to him finding it alittle easier to speak again.

Buthe might not understand why he keeps getting chest pains. Or why hefeels ‘afraid’ when in a crowd of people he knows are ‘harmless’.

Ifhe, and everyone else, focused on the biggested most obviousbehavioural problems he had then there’s likely a lot of thingsthat slipped under the radar. That were too small to comment on atthe time or that everyone assumed would stop when the invaders left.This can be a pretty effective way to approach how symptoms canchange and how it can catch a character off guard.

Anotherapproach is thinking about what a character currently can’tdo and when in the story they needto do that particular thing. Then think about what needs to change,environmentally or emotionally, for the character to be capable ofthat action.

Sometimesyou can only really get them half-way there and then find yourselfputting together a creative work-around. That’s OK. That can add toa story and be an interesting break from typical tropes.

Recoveryis a slow process of learning to deal with symptoms in healthierways. And incidentally virtually every mentally ill person I’veknown has had moments of expressing things like ‘But I should beover this’ ‘But I should be able to deal with this’ ‘But Ishould be better by now’.

Fromthe sounds of things you’ve put a lot of thought into both thecharacter and that process already. You are doing a good job. Keep atit and I think you’ll have an excellent story.

Ihope this helps. :)

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#tw torture #tw scars #scarring torture #historical torture #historical fiction #writing victims #mental health #recovery #social isolation #Russia #memory #cosmofex

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taz-writes · 6 years

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What's Violet like (I LIVE for gorgeous and deadly fairies)? Are she and Lavender really close? What powers does she possess exactly??? What's her arc throughout the series?? Also, in terms of character rankings, who is your second main character, Aelia or Violet?? Sorry for the bombard of questions, I just really love Violet! (also, I'm pretty sure you've answered this before but I can't find it anymore, what's her sexuality??)

thank you for the questions!!! I love Violet so much, I consider her one of my best characters just because of how many layers she’s grown for herself. Her story is really close to my heart.

Shortest answer first, I don’t think either Aelia or Violet is more important? They serve different roles in the story by nature, and they both have their places. Which one is the secondary “main” character depends a lot on which part of the story you’re looking at. In book 1, Vi’s actually more of an antagonist than a hero. She’s mean. Aelia’s a tertiary lead, because she can’t physically contribute to the plot, she has to do everything through long-distance communications. Violet is the secondary protagonist in book 2, where she does the bulk of her character growth. Aelia’s the secondary protagonist in book 3, which is all about her arc. In book 4, they’re about equal, but Aelia’s more relevant to Sayara’s plot.

As for what Violet’s like, well. She’s a born and bred tsundere. She cares a lot about her family and friends, she’s very defensive of them, but if you try to get close to her emotionally then she will viciously defend herself as well. She also refuses to admit when she cares about people most of the time.... she desperately wants a white knight romance where she’ll get swept off her feet and whisked off into the sunset, but at this rate, she’s too cranky for that to ever happen. She’s a very private person, to the point where even the people she cares most about don’t always know what’s going on inside her head. She masks all her ‘softer’ personality traits under a sharp pointy facade of responsibility and protection, she considers it her duty to be the heiress and be the protector of the family so that nobody else she loves has to.

Violet and Lavender are very close. Vi tries to pull her tsundere act on Lavender constantly, but Lavender never buys it, and they know each other well enough that she never will. They share a psychic link, so they feel each other’s emotions and sometimes also each other’s physical pain. They definitely know when the other one is hurt. Despite this, after certain events in book 1, Violet shuts herself down and locks Lavender out of her thoughts for a while. She’s really depressed, and she’s one of those people who self-isolates a lot by instinct, so Lavender doesn’t know as much of what’s going on as she used to.

-Vi’s a psychic! She specializes in the darker ‘attack’ side of mental magic. She can twist someone else’s mind and cause excruciating pain, she can read minds, she can keep herself from being read. She teleports very well even in book 1, she also has impressive telekinesis. Violet can do mind control. This is intimidating. The rules for mind control in Feilan are pretty strict--you must have eye contact to attempt control, the ball is always in the defender’s court and you must navigate their mind in order to dominate it, if eye contact breaks then the link is weakened and it’s easy to lose control, etc--but Vi knows how to use it. Plus, she’s theoretically capable of mirages and misleading literal Illusion magic, but she hasn’t trained this area of magic as thoroughly and doesn’t use it often.

Violet’s primary magical element is Darkness, despite her favorite abilities being Illusion-based, so she can access some Dark magic too. This manifests as a cloud of shadow that won’t be easily pierced by Light magic or other means, or as a move I’ve nicknamed ‘air shatter’ which literally creates a controlled black hole and destroys everything near it. These are mostly book 3 abilities, which develop after her ninth or tenth evolution.

Later on in the series, she also develops psychic foresight, which is exactly what it sounds like. She has the limited ability to (involuntarily) see bits and pieces of the future as defined by various decisions. These flashes are not binding truth, but they can act as guides, suggestions, or warnings.

Upon her final evolutions, Violet develops into an animaris, which is a specific type of primary-Dark secondary-Illusion psychic with some cool unique abilities! She’ll be able to manipulate sound as well as vision, and use a form of mind control that’s more like puppeteering where she doesn’t need eye contact. The puppeteering magic is super scary, and very OP, and won’t manifest in time to be relevant to canon. It’s worth pointing out, though! I think it’s neat.

-Violet’s canon arc is about cracking her shell and defrosting her bad attitude. She’s a secondary antagonist slash rival archetype for Sayara in book 1, but her overall series role is the lancer. Her serious attitude and dark outlook on life contrast Sayara’s optimism and brightness, and where Sayara wants to be responsible but doesn’t know how, Violet knows exactly how and never asked for this. They learn a lot from each other.

See, Violet’s depressed, but Violet has worked herself into a mental state where she’s firmly convinced that she has no other option. She actively resists trying to get better and learning to cope with her PTSD because she believes it’s a waste of time, and she’s made herself into a martyr figure inside her head. She’s actually really toxic to be around in the long term, her adamant refusal to solve her own problems is ripping her family apart. She insists that she does everything to protect her sisters, and she really genuinely means that, but she also subconsciously expects them to fix her when she’s broken and deal with her mental issues without ever questioning them. She’s built up an image of what her family is in her head, and that’s what she sticks with, even as they grow and change and defy what Violet’s preconceptions of them are. She puts a lot of weight on Aelia in particular, because she has a single-minded obsession with Elli’s wellbeing, and she perceives Aelia’s desire for independence as some kind of slight against her. In her mind, when Aelia says “I need breathing room,” it actually means “I hate you and I don’t want your help and I’m going to let myself get killed out of spite.” When Aelia says “you should go see a therapist,” Violet hears “you’re weak and pathetic and can’t fulfill your job and responsibilities to our family.” It’s bad.

Over the series, Vi learns to calm down a little and trust that her family can handle themselves. The hair-trigger temper and instinctual distrust of literally everyone is the first thing to go--she has to accept that sometimes she doesn’t have access to the bigger picture, and she needs to wait for evidence before lashing out. She has to develop enough to accept Sayara’s apology in book 2 after Sayara says some fucked up shit, she has to develop enough to learn that not everyone is out to get her. Moving forward in the series, she’s still dealing with the anger issues, but she also starts learning to actually manage her mental health. Her depression/anxiety/PTSD/etc is screwing over her whole family, and that’s a serious problem, and that’s what she has to solve in the latter half of the series. By the end of book 4 she does give in and go see a fucking therapist for her problems. Everyone is very proud of her.

-Sadly, Vi is the token het in the cast, but I do have a funny story about how that happened. What with the psychic link between Violet and Lavender, it wasn’t easy!

So the twins have this empathetic link, and they feel each other’s emotions, and the closer they are physically the stronger that bond is. As little kids, they spent a LOT of time together, and when they started having dumb little puppy crushes they couldn’t tell whose feelings were whose. The twins knew one of them liked boys and the other liked girls, so at first they assumed they were both straight b/c this was back when everyone thought Vi was a boy. But then they started wondering, because they weren’t really sure, Violet in particular was super insecure. There was some awkward 10-year-old flirting, everyone felt weird about everything, nobody knew what was going on. The twins were always inseparable. And then Vi came out, and things got even MORE confusing, because they started pretending they were identical, and it worked so well that no one could tell the two apart--even some of their love interests. And then they went on a summer trip overseas together and got involved in an Actual Preteen Love Dodecahedron...

They didn’t actually figure out whose orientation was whose until they turned 15 and Lavender went on a study trip to a medical school in the south, so suddenly they were far enough apart to tell the difference. Lavender’s the gay one, Violet’s the straight one, it’s simple enough but it took them years and years to find out. Pro tips for parents: when your psychic kids start having soap opera level romantic drama, maybe get them to spend time by themselves for a bit? It might solve some things!

#taz talks #feilan #violet #i'm glad you love her she's one of my favorite characters tbh #i'm really proud of her #she grows! she grows so much! she gets her shit together!#look at her she's so important to me and i love her a lot #she's highkey a vent character but that's okay because i love her and She Gets Better #everyone gets better #that's the whole point #Anonymous

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sage-nebula · 6 years

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Also, SAEYOUNG'S BOILER ROOM MISSION AAAAAA. I was so surprised people didn't talk more about this: I was HORRIFIED when I got that call to learn he had spent 3 days locked and he didn't feel sad about dying, just empty. Actually scratch that, I was horrified to see Saeyoung repeat that he didn't care whether he lived or died in the chats, and the RFA were all "ahah, yeah... anyways." WHAT?? Ugh, I'm so glad that in the end, Saeyoung quit the agency and got his brother back. Ray route whomst???

The truly horrifying thing is that Saeyoung left for the agency when he was in junior high, which means that he could have been running missions like that when he was as young as twelve years old.

It’s a bit hard to say for sure given how muddled the timeline in Mystic Messenger is. Largely due in part to an inconsistent translation, I feel (in the sense that I feel like if we all understood and could play the game in Korean, a lot of the inconsistencies and questions we have about the timeline would probably be cleared up), the characters seem to have a hard time deciding whether things happened five or ten years ago, or whether Saeran was in junior high or high school when the photos were taken, et cetera. However, most accounts we’re given state that Saeyoung left home ten years ago. Since he is twenty-two when the game takes place, this would mean that he was twelve when he left home, which would place him in junior high. To be honest, this make ssense when you consider the flashback in which we see V tell Saeyoung of the intelligence agency (and Saeyoung agrees to go):

Look at him; he was a baby. He certaily doesn’t look like a teenager. He looks like a junior high school student. Therefore, it makes sense to agree with what is (usually) presented in the game, which is that Saeyoung left for the intelligence agency when he was around twelve years old, and became an agent at that time.

Of course, it seems strange and illogical that an intelligence agency would hire a twelve-year-old and make him an agent, but then again, Mystic Messenger asks us to suspend our disbelief in a variety of ways. Yes, there are many elements in the game and character backstories that are grounded in reality, but then there’s also Rika having Saeyoung install a special security system in her apartment that contains a bomb without the building manager knowing, as well as said security system somehow being able to detect specific individuals and identify them as strangers, versus just activating and refusing to shut off whenever there’s a break-in at the apartment. Rika presumably got the money to build Magenta from embezzling the party guests, but she was still able to get an entire crew to build Magenta without anyone from the government noticing at all, and so on and so forth. Yes, it seems ridiculous that an intelligence agency would hire a child as an agent, but these were also special circumstances. V had a contact within the intelligence agency that was going to help Saeyoung get the job, and Saeyoung was a child prodigy who was already carrying out contracted hacking jobs on foreign governments. Considering that, it isn’t too much for me to believe that the intelligence agency would have brought Saeyoung in as a child, particularly since I’m sure they felt they would be able to condition him more easily (i.e. without torture) since they could raise him to follow their ways. (Vanderwood actually mentions that they never brainwashed or tortured Saeyoung before because of his age, but that his disobedience in his route means they’ll now have to. This makes me think that the agency felt that, since Saeyoung was a child when they came to him, they thought they could just raise him to be a loyal and obedient agent.)

So with all of that said, it’s entirely possible that Saeyoung has been running life-threatening missions since he was twelve. True, we know that he did spend time in school; he attended a high school, and he went to an Ivy League university. But we also know that he was working for the agency at that time, because Vanderwood tells us in the Secret Endings that Saeyoung would only sleep for about three hours each night, and that every other waking moment was dedicated to completing his university coursework and his work for the agency. There’s nothing saying that the agency didn’t also send Saeyoung out on missions in his pre-teen / teen years as well. If nothing else, the fact that the enemy probably wouldn’t suspect a child would be all the more reason to send Saeyoung in. His age gave him an extra dose of cover.

If that is the case, then this means that the boiler mission could have happened at any time. Maybe it was more recent, but maybe it wasn’t. We don’t know, because Saeyoung doesn’t tell us. He could have been fourteen when he was stuck in the boiler room for three days, dehydrated and starving, terrified of the enemies just outside the door, but at the same time not bothered by the thought that he could die, because he didn’t believe that his death would negatively impact anyone or anything. Considering that a law of the agency is that agents are not allowed to have friends or family (V tells Saeyoung as much when he first tells him about the agency; he makes it very clear that Saeyoung will have to cut off contact with Saeran because the agency won’t permit it), we can assume that the agency helped drill this into him. He’s an agent of theirs, so he can’t leave any traces behind, he can’t have any connections. No one will care if he dies. The agency, I feel, has played a big part in deteriorating Saeyoung’s self-worth, in ways that the fandom usually doesn’t acknowledge because they’re too busy focusing on his Agent 707 persona.

Saeyoung’s trauma is not as evident as Saeran’s, but it’s absolutely there. Saeyoung did not live an easy life despite escaping his mother’s house, whatever Saeran has been led to believe. Of course, Saeyoung won’t allow himself to acknowledge his trauma for any real length of time, and he would also always insist that Saeran of course had it worse. But it’s not a competition, and the fact remains that Saeyoung was pretty much raised in an environment that drilled into his head that he isn’t allowed to have friends, he’s not allowed to have family, that “a mindless joke can get you killed,” that he’s not to leave any trace of himself, that any point he can be dragged off, and tortured to the point where he forgets himself entirely, and they give him a new identity. (So, yeah, that’s another point that this agency would have no problems employing a capable child; they’re clearly not on the up-and-up with how they treat their own agents.) Saeyoung wasn’t tortured, but I’d still say it’s highly probable / strongly implied that the agency still emotionally abused him so that he would be a perfect agent for them (which he was, for the longest time). This, on top of the life-threatening missions, means that he has a lot of trauma that he just doesn’t like acknowledging or dealing with. And yes, it’s horrifying, and it also leads to him being explicitly suicidal throughout the game, which … the RFA largely ignores. :’) Some friends.

(Though on that note, honestly, the RFA does not appreciate Saeyoung nearly to the extent he deserves. The grand majority of the time they complain about or insult him for being ~omg so weird and annoying~. They don’t seem to realize the sheer blessing they have by having him on their side. Setting aside how he does things to assist their personal lives simply because he cares about them (e.g. creating the Tripter bot for Zen, installing LOLOL on Yoosung’s computer when Yoosung was depressed), you know—you know—that Saeyoung would be there in a hot second if any of them had any issues with computer viruses, rogue hackers going after their personal information, or anything of that nature. He buys Zen a new laptop in Another Story when he sees Zen’s ancient computer, and as much as he had his fit over Zen’s computer being, well, offensively old, you know that part of getting Zen a new computer was no doubt due to the fact that old hardware is more prone to viruses and malware, and Saeyoung is looking out for Zen’s personal information. Saeyoung would be there to help any of them in a split second, and yet all of them routinely treat him like he’s an annoyance and a burden, and ignore when he��s very obviously severely depressed and in need of help. The RFA doesn’t deserve Saeyoung, tbqh. They’re goddamn blessed to have him and they don’t even realize it. It honestly makes me angry.)

Anyway, yes. It’s so great that Saeyoung quit the agency, and that Saeran is living with him, getting the help and healing that he needs. Of course, it would be great if the fandom could remember that Saeyoung quit hacking altogether in the Secret Endings, instead of pretending that he still hacks for a living even though he makes it clear that he sees hacking as something filthy and terrible and that he never wants to do it again, but … what can you do, I guess.

#meta #my irreverent hacker bf #space station fiancé #sweetchcolate

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spreadplaylist · 7 years

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SPREAD CH.4 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT INTERVIEW - TINA MATHIEU

This month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight is a dear friend of mine, Tina Mathieu. Let's get a closer look at her life and her music!

Tina: Hey there.. My name is Tina Mathieu. I’m a singer/songwriter based in Los Angeles. I moved out here by way of NYC, where I spent roughly 15 years writing and playing acoustic soul music. Within the past few months, I released my first indie r&b single and ran my very first official trail run... uphill - So i’m kinda feelin’ myself. ; )

Dan: Haha hi Tina! Those are definitely things to be proud of. I'm so excited you're our SPREAD featured artist this month! Diving right into your life and career a little more, how long have you been a songwriter/artist?

Tina: I started writing my own music after I stepped away from musical theater back in 2003. I was 22 with a broken heart and a cheap classical guitar. Typical story. I’d been writing poetry since I was a child - and somehow the ability to turn my words into melodies just clicked.

Dan: And when it clicks it's the best feeling ever. Since you have been writing for a while I am sure you have some sort of routine. Describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.

Tina: The mountains and the shower… recently I began trail running through the Santa Monica mountains. Moving through the open air, surrounded by 360’ of a world reminding me how small I am gives me major perspective - I become elevated in every way. I usually record voice memos while I hike and continue playing with those ideas once I’m home... washing all the dirt the off. The shower makes me feel like I can sing anything.

Dan: More power to you on trail running. I don't think that's something I could ever have the endurance to do! But if we're talking singing in the shower, I definitely feel like Beyoncé the moment I step in, even though I definitely don't sound like her...

Quickly moving on to get that image out of everyone's head...I know you are a very motivated and driven person. Do you have a personal mantra that helps you get through each day? If so, what is it?

Tina: These days when I feel like so much is out of my control, I like to stick with “One day at a time” and the serenity prayer... Accept the things I cannot change - the courage to change the things I can - and the wisdom to know the difference. Oh wisdom…

Dan: I've never actually heard that prayer. That's something I may have to adopt. I definitely use the day-at-a-time mantra or I tend to get overwhelmed.

So, now that you have released a new single, I know you are trying to get out and perform in LA a little more. Coming from experience I know that's a blessing and a curse. What do you think is a misconception people have about performing?

Tina: That bigger notes mean better singer. This is especially true in musical theater or televised singing competitions. I’ve had lots of internal struggles with this misconception. After dealing with vocal nodes, I had to start letting the strengths within my tone, emotion and storytelling depict my artistry - rather than belting my life away.

Dan: To be honest I think reality singing tv shows have done some hurt to singers because everyone watches them and then expects everyone to have a huge, belting voice. But we have to make room for the soothing, sultry vocals too. ;)

If you can pick, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?

Tina: I’m super proud of two songs. ‘Downward Spiral’, my first single that I released, was a long time coming. I wrote it about 2 ½ years ago in NYC after dealing with some family turmoil. I’m proud of it because I actually followed through with it. I’ve written tons of songs and always found excuses to not finish them. When I released ‘Downward Spiral’ I felt ready. I had no excuses left.

I’m also very proud of the next song i’ll be releasing in October, ‘Ring Off’. Reliving the discovery of an affair is probably the most raw i’ve been in songwriting yet. It still hurts when i sing it and i think it makes people uncomfortable… which means I did my job.

Dan: I've heard both and I have to say they are both chilling. I don't even know if I could pick a favorite. And again, congrats on the new single!

I know that this journey is hard to follow through with sometimes, and its easy to get caught up. So throughout your years as a songwriter, who is one person in your life that has influenced and pushed you to be where you are now?

Tina: Influenced and pushed are two different things for me. I’ve had several artist and musician friends that have inspired me immensely. My family has always supported and believed in me. But as for pushing me to where I am now... I did that. Lots of people gave me advice and thought I was wasting my talent by not following through for so long, but I couldn’t do anything until I was ready - from the inside - an inner push that was long overdue.

Dan: I'm so happy to see that push now, because you're amazing! It's crazy how we can hear kind words and support from so many different people but we equally have to hear us say it to ourselves, too. With this unstoppable Tina, describe a typical day in your life. What are you doing? What do u enjoy the most about it?

Tina: I’m a mom - so everyday starts the same... I have to wake up way earlier than I prefer to blindly pour apple juice for a 4 year old dude. I also work in tv production so I’m often juggling a freelance lifestyle which allows me the opportunity to make music. I try to hike or trail run whenever I can squeeze it in. Also, Target. I’m mostly at Target.

Dan: Target always saves the day. Also, you are my hero. Now that we've seen a glimpse into your grind, and that you are not holding back in your music making any longer, what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in the music industry?

Tina: That you get discovered and industry people figure everything out for you and you just get to sing and make money. EASY. It couldn’t be more of the opposite. Being an artist is running a small business - the financial investment, the self promotion, understanding the convoluted money splits on the back end of a song... I mean you really have to love the ‘making music’ part of it.

Dan: You have to love it almost more than anything else. There's so much more behind the scenes that people do not think about. Being where you are today, and having just released an awesome single, if you could go back in time to the Tina Mathieu who just started out as a songwriter and artist, what is a piece of advice you would give her?

Tina: Be nice to yourself. It’s ok to tell people that you are a songwriter. You’re not a phony. And you don’t have to hide behind other people’s success… you deserve your own.

Dan: Preach, girl. Also discussing your day-to-day life, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?

Tina: I try to stay as organized as possible - Google docs run my life. Hiking and weed are my stress relievers. Often paired together. :)

Dan: We definitely need those stress relievers to get us through the business. Breaks away from the madness are so important.

A part of this business also includes of failed attempts or let-downs. I feel like they are so common you can easily lose track. Tell us about a time that you feel like you failed musically. How did u overcome this?

Tina: When I found out I was pregnant, I felt like I completely failed musically. I had yet to put out a single, yet to release an EP… and to be honest, I thought that being a mom meant that I had run out of time. I wrote a depressing song that day (that no one has ever heard) and decided to accept my failure as an artist. Luckily, being a songwriter is simply a part of me that won’t go away. It took a few years to start finding my way again - but I’m actually better than I was before and now I have someone very special to impress.

Dan: You are a natural songwriter. I don't think it could go away if you tried to make it! I am really touched by your answer, and I can't help but be grateful for all the badass moms we see in the industry that are killing it. Ya know, Pink, Beyoncé, Adele to name a few... It gives me hope that other moms will be inspired to keep going; that they're not done after having a kid. And I'll be the one to say I am SO glad you didn't give up. We desperately need your music in the world. Also...your kid is ridiculously cute I can't handle it. He'll always be your number one fan!

What is a defining moment of your career and how has it affected your life since?

Tina: Releasing ‘Downward Spiral’ is the most defining moment so far. When I teamed up with the Los Angeles Songwriters Collective for their 2nd EP, I committed to myself that it was time follow through. The past few months have been non-stop songwriting, studio time, gigs, co-write sessions, networking and supporting new artist friends. Making that one commitment changed everything for me.

Dan: I have such a big smile on my face. The gears are turning and there's no stopping now!

Looking to your inspiratioins, tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What would you like to emulate in your own artistry?

Tina: Erykah Badu is my all time favorite artist. Unique in every way. Her voice, words, melodic decisions, storytelling... honest & confident.

“She’s Clever.”

John Mayer is my favorite lyricist - I try to learn a lot from the honesty and details in his poetry. I may or may not have a lyric tattooed around my wrist. (Shhh.. I’m a fangirl!)

I’m not looking to emulate them but rather let what I love in these artists innately come through me - kinda like osmosis.

Dan: You said something SO important right there. I think up and coming artists struggle a lot when they're first releasing music. They listen to their favorite artists and then try to sound like them, but the key is letting what you love about them show in your own way! Ah, I could scream! Nail on the damn head.

So what artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?

Tina: 90’s male R&B slow jam Playlist - Ginuwine, Dru Hill, 112, etc..

Julia Michaels - She is an effortless genius.

Kehlani - Obsessed with her.

Fiona Apple, Tidal - because her words never go out of style (and I still need a dictionary to get through some songs...)

Dan: What a good ass mix! If people reading this have not checked those artists out, GO! Some of them have been featured on SPREAD before... ;)

Laaaaaast but not least at all, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for? ;)

Tina: I’m mostly active on Instagram - @tinamathieumusic. You can listen to ‘Downward Spiral’ on SPREAD CH. 4 - Feels and also stream or download it anywhere music exists. I have a few LA gigs lined up for Sept / Oct, which I’ll be announcing soon - and my newest single, ‘Ring Off’ will be available this fall.

Dan: Y'all heard it from Tina herself! If u haven't already, go check out her new single, 'Downward Spiral' on SPREAD CH.4 and go follow her! LA people, make sure u go see her live to because her music and her voice slays. Thanks again, Tina, for being SPREAD CH.4's featured artist. I'm super excited to see where this next year takes u! :)

-----------------------------------

Thank you everyone for joining us for this month's SPREAD Artist Spotlight! I hope you have let out all the FEELS u can before Friday because a whole new playlist is coming! And it's gonna end with a bang 🎊

#spread #cover #artist #spotlight #up and coming #music #singer songwriter #tina mathieu #downward spiral #apple music #spotify #youtube #playlist

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evartandadam · 7 years

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Since it's the theme today: can you do more analysis' on Hidan's behavior, like I wanna see if you think he has similar mental illnesses that I think he does! He's so complex and such a mystery! What are your thoughts on how any illnesses and disorders erupted as he grew up? Through his religious path? Through the akatsuki? I'm so curious! :D

Hidan is very complex! Kishi did an amazing job on his character! I wish he gave him more of a background haha!

Ok, so first I will go over possible disorders, then talk about his general personality and behavior.

Disorders:

If anything, he has a personality disorder. I definitely think he has borderline personality disorder, and probably PTSD like all the other Akatsuki (I mean, honestly). Also probably depressed. Aaand probably a bit sociopathic, but that one’s complicated. I will talk about that last one in his general personality section.

Borderline Personality Disorder:

Signs:

Inappropriate or extreme emotional reactions- I would say so.

Highly impulsive behaviors- Oh yes.

A history of unstable relationships- Yeah.

Symptoms:

Having an unstable or dysfunctional self-image or a distorted sense of self (how one feels about one’s self)- I think so, because of the kind of cult he’s involved in.

Feelings of isolation, boredom and emptiness- I think Hidan often feels alone, and bored. He seems to always be seeking conversation or something to entertain him. When bored, he gets lost in thought.

Difficulty feeling empathy for others- This is a tricky one, because I think as a kid, he definitely had trouble with this. Growing up, I think he is capable of empathy. And part of his faith is about sharing pain with others. So even if he struggled, he would try to follow this commandment and think of other’s emotions from that point on.

A history of unstable relationships that can change drastically from intense love and idealization to intense hate- I think so. He was probably proud of his village, and his place in it, but once they no longer needed ninja, he turned on it quickly, killing the elders and leaving to join a cult. He is no longer with his cult members- this can be taken many ways, but I feel that he probably left, believing he is the one true follower, and the others didn’t meet his standards. I think the cult is probably after him, actually. He is just on his own, running amuck.

A persistent fear of abandonment and rejection, including extreme emotional reactions to real and even perceived abandonment- I think Hidan definitely has abandonment issues. I feel he probably didn’t have a good home life, and he wants acceptance and validation, which is why he fell into the cult’s clutches. People who need acceptance are the ones who end up in cults.

Intense, highly changeable moods that can last for several days or for just a few hours- Like, I think Hidan has some control over how he acts, but inside, he feels elated one moment, and down in the dumps the next.

Strong feelings of anxiety, worry and depression- I don’t think Hidan is anxious at all. He has placed all of his trust in his god, and he fears little. But I do think he is depressed.

Impulsive, risky, self-destructive and dangerous behaviors, including reckless driving, drug or alcohol abuse and having unsafe sex- Hidan probably did self-destructive stuff before becoming a Jashinist. I think for him, Jashinism helps him stay under control, because of the regulations. Because he is so faithful and serious about Jashinism, he will try his best to follow the laws. I believe Jashinism would list these types of behaviors as sins. It’s funny he is named “hidan”, because I think of hidanism, the opposite of what he follows. I think he avoids self-indulgent behaviors, because they are seen as selfish and pleasurable. Jashinism is about destruction, not pleasure. He is still an impulsive person- that is just his personality- but he tries not to partake in really crazy activities, like those examples.

Hostility- Hahahahahaa well yeah.

Unstable career plans, goals and aspirations- I think before Jashinism, he struggled to find his purpose. He settled on being a warrior, and I think he worked very hard at it. But I don’t think he had trouble sticking to that goal. Like, he has a short attention span, but I think if he sets his mind to something, he can be very stubborn.

PTSD

So, I think he has this just because realistically, this would be very common for ninja to have, especially ninja of his status. Whether the crappy things he’s seen bother him or not, I don’t know. Probably depends on how personal it is. I don’t think bloody war would bother him too much, but a bad family experience from is childhood would. So I think it depends on headcanons. I don’t think he would know that he has PTSD, and he wouldn’t complain about it or really bring it up if he did know.

Depression

I think literally all of the Akatsuki are depressed. I think Hidan is stuck feeling like nothing good comes out of life really, and part of him wants it to end. But then again, he is definitely a survivalist, so his instincts would prevent him from taking action. Jashin gives him a purpose, and his faith is what’s keeping him going. He is definitely into self harm, and likes to play it up as something raw, something that allows him to feel truly alive. But I think he feels bored and empty when he’s not stimulated, and he sits around brooding, thinking about life and death. He spends a lot of time pondering deep questions. People think he’s an idiot, but Hidan is farther along spiritually than most. He accepts death when it comes.

General Behavior and Personality:

The thing is, people can easily label themselves with all sorts of disorders, but most of these behaviors are normal in certain amounts. Hidan is rash, gullible, and misses some social cues. He is overly violent, and seeks validation from others. He is a mess. But I also don’t see him as being super crazy as a person? Like, he’s generally a likable guy, and he likes to talk to people. He also isn’t stupid in some ways. People diss his intellect too much. He is a good battle strategist and can actually read people pretty well. He has good instincts when it comes to people, I think. He is observant in ways others are not.

He is interesting, because he seems like he should be one thing, but after consideration, would actually be the opposite. Hidan is a bunch of contradictions, really. These opposite aspects of his personality add up to make… well, Hidan!

Messy, and yet, Orderly?

He likes to be clean, but I don’t think he is actually OCD. He is just a bit particular about some things. As an example, due to Hidan’s impulsive and outgoing nature, I would think he would have messy handwriting. But then again, he likes to be neat, and I think he would want his handwriting to be orderly.

He loves to bathe in the blood of his enemies, but he wants it washed off as soon as it dries. He hates bad smells, and slicks his hair back. He takes care of his appearance. I think he doesn’t bother wearing a shirt because a) He doesn’t like to wear clothes in general, and b) He knows the shirts will get ruined anyway, so what’s the point.

He also draws perfect circles hahaa and I know that’s just for the show’s sake, but I also like to think his circles have to be perfect, or it will drive him crazy.

But personality-wise, he cuts corners and doesn’t care about details. He just wants to get done what he has to get done. He’s not a planner in most cases. He is impulsive- instinctive.

Distrusting, and yet, Gullible?

He can be gullible, and easy to trick- The Jashinists converted him, and boy did they do a good job. He is pretty content following orders. But, Hidan is also suspicious of other people and their motives. He does still have to be convinced. It would just be easier to convince him than others, once you use his emotions in your favor. But then again, if he dislikes someone, or an idea, I think he would stick to his guns.

I guess a good way to explain this is Chizome- When Hidan will come across Hitomi in my story, he won’t like her. She is too friendly and charming, and everything about her seems too simple. He senses that she is hiding something. That she has other motives. Whether this is true or not, Hidan will not give up on his instincts. Even when Kakuzu assures him she is not an enemy, and calls him an idiot, Hidan still knows something is up. (And Hidan is right about her in some ways, and wrong in others).

I decided this would be his reaction to her, based on what I know about his character. Which is that he has good instincts about people in ways others do not. He is suspicious of other’s motives. And he is stubborn.

The reason he is suspicious of people in general is because of his own personal experiences in the past. I have my own hcs about his backstory (duh, I wrote a full thing about him that will be in Chizome), and I think he distrusts people, not only because his village betrayed him, but because he has had bad luck with personal relationships. My friend Dana does an excellent job at explaining his issues with trusting others in her comic, Akachou. He is distrusting, and she shows probably where it started.

Whiny, and yet, Tough?

Hidan drives Kakuzu up the wall with his constant commentary and whining. When Hidan is bored, he whines. He likes to complain about stupid, shallow stuff. But when it comes to his dark thoughts and feelings, I think Hidan would mostly keep them to himself, once in awhile making a comment, not caring if anyone is listening. Hidan is a tough guy, and doesn’t want to be seen as vulnerable. He doesn’t want pity. He thinks there’s no point in sharing feelings, or opening up to people. He thinks people generally don’t care.

He also won’t take pity on others if they whine. Well, he’s open for some mutual venting, sure, but he is into tough love.

Empathetic, and yet, Sociopathic?

Hidan was definitely one of those sociopathic kids who was a little too comfortable with violence and death, and scared other kids. But all children have sociopathic tendencies. What’s interesting is how he ended up.

I don’t think Hidan is a hardcore sociopath. I think it’s hard to get to him, because he has hardened his heart, as all of the other Akatsuki have, in order to protect himself. He has had crappy experiences, and it is just easier not to care about other’s problems.

I do think Hidan is a bit of a sociopath, because whenever I write him with others, and bad things happen to him, he isn’t as bothered as he should be. He thinks that is part of life, and what happened, happened. But I do think he is capable of making a bond with someone close to him. So, he’s not nearly as bad as Sasori, and he’s not dangerous strictly because it’s tougher to make meaningful bonds with him. I think he likes animals, even though I hc him torturing them (or at least not caring about them) as a child? I think he grows more empathetic as he ages.

Also, as I said, Jashinism is about sharing pain. And Hidan takes his faith seriously. If he is instructed to understand his victim’s pain, I think he would try to do so. After joining the cult, he tried to relate to others more. So for him, it would also be a conscious thing.

There are many others, but I’ll just post this for now :) I could talk about Hidan for hours, he’s very complex haha, as you said! I adore your blog, by the way!! Also would love to know your take on him, if you have a link! :D

#hidan #akatsuki #naruto #headcanon #text post #asks #rambles #reapersperdition

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antiagingsol-blog · 7 years

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Anti-Aging Facial Peel Treatment | Professional Peels Esthetician Education

You are going to age no matter how hard you try to prevent it. Although getting older is inevitable, you can keep from getting "old" by enjoying your time and keeping yourself involved in exciting activities. Use this article to learn how to care for yourself better.

Stop frowning if you want to avoid wrinkles. While humorous, it's true. Every time you feel that you begin to frown give yourself a tiny pinch so that you stop. Only you can break this bad habit.

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There is no sense in worrying about your age or other numbers that seem to define you. Let your doctor worry about numbers. If you focus entirely on your age, your weight and your height, you are almost guaranteed to overlook the remarkable aspects of life that will sustain your mind and body.

Try to spread cheer wherever you go. It is a blessing to your life to be able to make others happy. Happiness is a gift that is worth so much, yet it is free to give.

Friendships will provide you with the fuel, energy and the love that will feed your emotions in a positive way. You can never be too old to get new friends. Do your best to meet new people. Look for friends who make you happy.

Setting a regular and generous sleep schedule grows more important as you get older. Make sure you get between seven and nine hours of sleep every night. Not getting adequate sleep can cause depression, heart problems, and more.

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See the bright side of aging. You have more free time than at any other stage of your adult life. You have wisdom, experience and a lifetime of great memories. Fill your days with the people and things you love.

Return to a favorite hobby after retirement or as your children leave home to help you focus on the positive aspects of aging. Once you can focus your attention on your own happiness, you may discover that there are many satisfying activities that you weren't able to enjoy during your family years. A hobby such as painting, crafts, or a sport can keep you outwardly focused.

The food you eat plays a big part in how you age. Eat a varied diet of ample fruits and veggies, high quality sources of protein, wholesome dairy products, eggs, and nourishing, natural oils. Also, try to have three meals in moderation, and cut back on the snacks.

Write down a list of the medicines you take. If you regularly fill prescriptions from different pharmacies, this is critical. Having this list will allow pharmacists to cross reference your medications for certain side effects.

Retire as early as possible, but have a health savings account in case something goes wrong. But it's wise to also plan for future health issues.

Make and keep regular appointments with your doctor and follow their orders. If you are proactive, it will allow you to take steps regarding issues that you may not have known about. The sooner you know about a problem, the sooner you can solve it.

It's important to guard against fraud. People that are older in age are targets for criminals that think they can make easy money. Protect your identity by withholding your personal banking information whenever possible, destroying documents with your personal data and limiting access to your home to include only known individuals. These actions will ensure that your money stays with you and only you.

Restoring your hormonal balance is an excellent aging tip. As you age, your hormone levels can fluctuate drastically. This can lead to unpleasant side effects, such as decreased energy, endurance and libido. You should speak with your physician about including a hormone replacement therapy in your daily routine.

Try a facial massage to reduce facial skin getting older. Massages can draw blood towards the surface, which can decrease puffiness and prevent wrinkles. Take three fingers and make circles across the skin of your face.

Staying fit and living a healthy lifestyle will help you to avoid the negative side effects of growing older, like gaining weight, energy loss, and memory loss. Simply eating healthy foods and exercising can keep your mind and body sharp.

You should take all food purchases seriously as what you consume most certainly impacts your health. Whole foods contain many vitamins and minerals that are effective at keeping your body feeling fit and young. Stay away from junk food. Eating healthy can improve your overall health and help you feel really good.

It is actually surprisingly easy to keep yourself engaged and energized as you grow older. Just make sure that you keep your body and mind healthy so that you can enjoy the rest of your years. The best place to find tips about getting older would be to read senior articles and newsletters. If you are continuously trying new activities and staying active, you will definitely enjoy your retirement years.

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hi everyone this is Jessa so I'm starting here on my little trolley I have my lumina spiel setup these are my cold stones this is my hot water and we may not have enough time to do the traditional timing on this treatment I preheated my steamer so it's a good idea before your facials to get your water hot see how it's boiling immediately because it's already heated so sometimes you can get an idea of how much time you need you know by turning it on a few times and seeing how long it takes to boil this is just my other treatment cart we roll this one over to use the mag lamp and my client has climbed in but make sure before they get in that you have your head towels so you've got one on the bottom one that wraps around their hair and I don't use any extra headband or a clip or anything I just tuck the towel into itself and now my stamens going again so we're going to turn that off while we cleanse and I will see you in a minute okay now we're gonna wrap her head let's see so you get one left handed so I set up my wrap to tuck with my left hand but you can fold the towel the other way and then you tuck it in this corner here okay make sure it's not pressing on any jewelry if they have it on they should really take it off and keep their hair clean during a facial most women they don't like it if you know their hair gets all greasy hi so we're going to start the facial now I showed you all of the prep and we've got our steamer ready and just for the sake of those who glove and you don't glove for my videos I'm gonna be gloving I hope from here on out just because some estheticians do it all the time and some don't for certain parts of the facial and in the wintertime if you have dry skin you can have Micro fissures in your hands so it's actually like having a little tiny wound or something going on so I'm going to start with our creamy sunflower cleanser this is our 16 ounce size we don't have it nicely labeled in here yet because our other labels warm it up a little bit in your hands and I'm going to show you what it looks like also make sure your posture is good you so make sure when you're cleansing them you really do a good job with creamy cleansers you start with the cleanser dry you don't add water till you massage for a minute or so and what I was saying before is I'm going to show you what it looks like to do a peel with your facial and where to do it and we do use every month on quite a few clients because we want to make sure that each client is getting professional exfoliation because it's something I can't do at home and it's almost better to do one stronger peel if they're not going to exfoliate at home each month than it is to just do the home care but ideally they're going to do both so they're going to use a fruit acid or a triple blemish control those are the things we have in our line we have two strengths of fruit acid but that's something you want to talk to your client about is if they want more glow they want anti-aging they have acne something like that then you're going to want to make sure that you talk to them about exfoliation and I really believe in acids but it's not just any acid that's okay a lot of acids are extracted with toxic processes and you want to make sure that the acid that you use is extracted not only using a clean process like enzyme extraction but also the base ingredient needs to be natural or organic and non toxic and the reason that makes a big difference on people's skin is it's kind of like eating organic want a a towel to wipe your gloves so I'm just going to wipe off a little is cleanser so I don't go up every piece of equipment that I use after this and the cleanser is creamy so it's sitting on her till I get this steam going and then I'm going to wipe it off okay so I use four by fours because they're disposable there's some things I don't like to use that are washable and there's reasons for that and they do have organic cotton in these types of wipes so that's what you should get if you're a more natural organic spot so you want to make sure you really cleanse everything you know you get everything wiped clean and I kind of hold these wipes like this when I'm cleaning them and then I go back in your water bowl I have an ozone setting on my steamer if you wanna when I turn on the ozone you can see the steam you okay so now I can see where my steam is pointed if you want to come over here from the side and just get a picture of the whole thing so you can see your steam point it but I don't like to leave the ozone on while they're steaming because it makes people pop so something you can do with appeal is you can do a mild enzyme before your peel so this is our jojoba bean and I'm actually taking more of the creamy sunflower cleanser with our beads you tap like salt tap a little bit and that's not even a quarter of a pea size in these anything I dirty I kind of leave it up top too on my part so that I know what to clean at the end and this is our five percent a pumpkin enzyme okay and you really don't need very much of this it's really spicy because it's got all of the spicy enzymes in it it also has um kind of like a pumpkin pie type of blend in spices so you can see I'm getting a little collection going on my cart so I'm mixing those three things together to make her exfoliant and this is really gentle but if somebody's sensitive skin you you don't want to put the pumpkin enzyme in there you might want to put a little oxygen with the beads and cleanser again but most clients are going to tolerate the enzyme really well so we're kind of focused on the peel today I'm going to do some separate videos on extractions um this particular model I've been seeing her for a while now so she has great skin and she doesn't have a lot of extractions so sometimes you have clients like that and we offer a facial called the mossad lonely facial and we offer that so that people who don't need extractions have a little more affordable way of getting the treatment done okay so when you get your hot towel out of the towel caddy it's really hot it's a good idea because your hands are washed to test like a baby bottle like milk when you heat up milk for baby test it right on your inner wrist before you wrap their face you don't arm someone and you ask them is that temperature okay yeah okay and then some people get a little claustrophobic so don't cover their mouth in their nose and when you press you know you don't have to go overboard you can also ask your client when you're getting to know them do you get claustrophobic and that kind of thing and if they do you need to be really careful when you're wrapping them so and then you know the gloves also I feel that there are some clients in situations where you can cleanse or do the massage you know that kind of thing without them but those who believe in using them 100% of the time I totally get it we carry a lot of different strains of bacteria on the surface of our skin and we can get those dry fingers and get those micro fissures so because she doesn't need extractions we're going to go straight into the peel we're going to tone this is the triple-t I was with Timmy dmae and resveratrol so this starts the treatment process sometimes their mouths open a little bit and you might want to tell them I'm going to spritz you so just keep everything closed and I'm going to get some dry four-by-fours and this helps prep their skin and get any residue out of the way from anything even though we just hot tell them off it also kind of helps the pH of their skin be in the right place before we do the peel so we just sent out about a hundred luminous peels so I'm going to use the luminous it's a great peel for almost everybody so if you want to conserve your peel this this fan brush is the material that's actually not my favorite my favorite brushes were going to carry really soon they have an orange fan and they have this exact handle you can't have wood and you can't really have hair you know type of this isn't a hair but it's it's not the type of fan that I like there's one that just won't break down after years of use these are newer but they will break down so to conserve peel use a fan brush or you can use a two by two but the two by two will soak up our new peels fairly quickly so you'll use more so start on the forehead foreheads tend to be kind of tough and you want to apply the peel evenly and you never want to get too close to the eyelids and the under eye skin but you want to get the crow's feet and you want to apply fairly quickly so I'm going to speed up now the reason is the peel is starting to work everywhere that you've applied it so I just did my second dip into my peel here so get the whole face covered and then go for the neck the neck and the decollete area I go all the way down to where there's openings in their shirt some people charge extra I believe in including that an appeal and we charge $30 to add appeal on anybody service or we do a quick treatment where we do appeal now it's really important because this point she's she's feeling it you're gonna ask her on a scale of one to ten one would be you don't feel anything ten would be taken off right now where are you at good to a two so a two is good you can let it sit for two to five minutes at that number her lip looks a little dry does it feel like I missed any we're thankful that's a good thing to ask your client now there's something called layering that you can do with peals this is advanced and all of you teaching more classes on this but if they have scoring wrinkling pigment anything that needs extra work you can take a second layer of the peel let's say the cheeks are really tough so I'm going to put a thick layer on top of the first layer and if the peel dries out while it's cooking it's not working so you want it to be moist okay now if she had acne okay so if somebody broke out here you'd want to do a second layer here you can either use a different peel to layer it or you can layer the same one on and it's good at this point to ask your client again has it gotten any stronger is it staying about the same it's about the same just a little bit stronger baby okay so it will go up and up and up and these peels cook really fast I like to say they cook now I have a bowl with to Jade's in it and I take my dry four-by-fours and I'm dipping them in this really cold water that I like to be filtered wherever possible in facials in stage carbon filters are actually very cheap if you can filter the water at your spa it helps with all of your facial treatments so this will feel cold okay that's what you need to tell your client this also neutralizes the peel kind of like with hair color you know water neutralizes it not only wiping off the excess peel but also um the water helps to neutralize the peel although they may feel a slight tingling still after you remove the peel and that's okay that's normal tell them if it's feeling if it gets stronger when they leave or if it's feeling like it's getting increasingly stronger after they leave it should kind of neutralize slowly when they leave and they need to call you if they continue to feel a lot of activity or if they go somewhere they shouldn't really work out you know right after this if they work out or get hot and sweaty it can reactivate the peel a little bit sometimes it does nothing and other times you can see that I flipped these wipes inside out so that I'm using a fresh area of the wipe so I'm not wiping the peel around on the other side of my wife that's really important and then you ask your client again um how's that feeling now is it feeling like it's neutralizing yes okay does it still feel like a one or or a two um or maybe a one of advice it's neutralized I can tell okay so after this we'll do a little bit of massage I'm grabbing the ten percent oxygen elixir and we've clean this so this label looks a little faded oops and you will knock things over moving all the step around doing a facial so this oxygen is fantastic after appeal it's like a second treatment you know it's like getting an oxygen treatment the elixir is particularly good because there's ten percent oxygen the hundred percent is really strong so I'm covering everywhere that we peeled and this should feel good because there's oxygen she could feel a slight activity that most likely not so we're going to do a little pressure point massage so during my full facials I do face head neck shoulders and half of the arms for massage just for time purposes today we're going to show you the face and we're going to show you the cold stone massage the cold stone massage is part of what neutralizes everything after the peel if they're looking really flushed right after you take the peel off you probably want to do the cold stones and then their massage with their massage gets their blood moving so you got to keep that in mind it gets their circulation and everything going so sometimes it's better to do a little massage with pressure point and also regular massage we do a little bit and then we do the cold stone massage and the cold stones are really important to close the skin down so you kind of want to make your way around the skin a couple of times with the stones and these are Jade so they have some really nice properties even you have good energy Jade's been used a really long time Jade facial rollers and Jade for the skin has been used for a very long time so I like these versus regular massage stones Jade stays cold a lot longer and it's got a lot of really great properties like I said okay so keep in mind if this is a longer facial or you have a little more time than we do filming today that you can put more time into massage and different things but if you're on a schedule you can shorten it up a little bit so I like to wet some fresh wipes to get this part off here sorry I didn't warn her so she's tasting Mia toner so having that little oil barrier on it restores the skins barrier after appeal and the sunflower is really compatible with a lot of skin types we're also going to infuse organic sunflower seed oil with herbs so that you can get more of a little treatment but the oxygens pretty potent if you come and get a close-up of her skin between the oxygen and the peel she's really glowing so for today I'm going to tone her you could do a mask and then the rest of the massage I'm going to tone her and moisturize her and we hand mixed a lot of herbs and we use a lot of months and that kind of thing in our facial treatments so we have a couple new masks coming and two of them will be ready to go I'm going to make some of our dry herbal mixtures ready to go masks very soon so I'm putting a little hyaluronic on hyaluronic is nice and neutral after the treatment that she just did but what hyaluronic does is it's more of a humectant so it helps the skin hold water and it's important to put this on you know before the oils sometimes so we're going to use this because it was a peel it's good to put on another oil barrier so since we haven't used it very often this is squalene and it's a little more hydrating than the oxygen the 10% elixir would also work but you really need to do this and then after this you put a little of the mineral defense on and then they're ready ready to go and I got a little bit of the hyaluronic two around her eyes so these steps after appeal are really important a lot of times people try to put on their regular serums on a client or they try to put on really active creams and if they do that the skin could have a reaction it can blow up into something Raschi that it doesn't normally do because the barrier is completely different after you do microderm or you do peel so let's get it closed up with this because people have been asking this is the zinc and titanium mineral defense cream in this bottle we've had for a while it's a little beat up so she's got our moisturizers on you want to spray your fingers with a little toner and don't get more than I had so this is what it should look like before you apply and then you've got to go quick to blend so you see I got a little bit everywhere now I'm blending as it dries you can see if it dried like that it would streak and having a little oil based moisturizer on underneath isn't a bad idea but you can see how it blends right in when it's the right amount and you spray a little bit of toner on it alright thank you everybody so that was most of our facial I promise I will do a real you know hour and hour and a half facial but we're doing a big peel series focus right now and I wanted to get part of a facial in with the peel thank you

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