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squishneedsahero · 3 years

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Family First

Awesomest of Them All 2.0

Part 10 of 13

Word Count: 1963

Batman x Batmom!Reader

You know what the bat family needs? Someone to pull them together and give them all the love they deserve. Who better to do that than you? An author rising to stardom in Gotham who catches the eye of a billionaire with your standoffish attitude at a huge social gathering. You are yourself and never pretend to be more or less than that. Plus you're the most stubborn person in the world, refusing to let good things go without reason.

This is a rewrite of my story Awesomest of Them All, I wanted to see how much I've improved over 3 years.

You leaned against Bruce's chest as he sat at the desk in the Bat-Cave working on the the computer on who knows what, at this point it was easier to not ask unless it seemed to be upsetting him. You weren't paying any attention to what he was doing, you were busy trying to come up with the plan as to how you would be able to get to know Damian since he seemed to try and avoid you every way he could. He had been down here helping Bruce until you came down then he suddenly had to go upstairs for some unknown reason and hadn't come back. As you sit in his lap you tilt your head so that you can look at his face.

You just sit there taking in all his features like you hadn't already see his face a million times. Eventually he pauses long enough to look down at you a soft smile on his lips. You smile back and sit up just enough to cup his cheek and give him a kiss. "What's going on with you my love?" he asks.

"What do you mean? Am I not allowed to hang out with you?"

"Thats not what I meant," he presses kiss to your forehead, "you're being unusually quiet for yourself. Is there something on your mind you'd like to talk about?"

"Mmm," you hum and sit up to face him, one leg on either side of his body, "actually there is." You have a serious look come onto your face, "Damian is definitely your child. He is so so so stubborn," you say kissing him with every 'so' with a short laugh as you finish.

"Is there a reason thats bothering you?"

"Yes. He is so stubborn that the only way I know would work for me to get through to him is by arguing with him, like I did when a certain someone tried to break up with me," you say with a pointed look at him while wrapping an arm over his shoulders and pulling yourself closer to him.

"You really meant it when you said that you wouldn't be letting that go anytime soon, huh? How many years have we been married now?"

You smirk at him and say, "only six, and you should have known I keep my promises," you kiss him again. "The reason it's bothering me though is because I don't want to argue with him and make feel like I'm going to treat him how he was while he was with the league."

"Well, my dear," he began as he wrapped his arms around your waist and hugged you tighter against him, "I don't think you, or anything you do could be ever confused for anything similar to what the league does or treated him," a kiss on your lips. "But I understand your worry, i warned you it'll take him some time to get adjusted-"

"I know, I know, but don't you dare tell me to be patient. I've been with you this long after all, I know it takes patience but you saw him leave the room as soon as he saw me. If he doesn't give me even the chance I can't use patience to help him on his way," you state simply.

"Do you have any ideas for how you'd like to try and fix that? I can tell you've been think about it a lot," as he says this one of his hands travels up your back, and he begins to gently trace your spine with his fingers, while his other arm remains where it is to keep you close to him.

"Actually, I do, pause for effect," you say out loud, "how do you feel about taking a break from this for about a week?" You ask tilting your head back just enough to gesture towards what he'd been working on before.

"I guess things are slow enough right now and the GCPD seems to have it covered it wouldn't be that big of a deal, why?"

"Well, I figured if we went on a vacation to a cabin in the woods it would be harder for him to hide from me. Especially if we get the other kids to come and we have family time, at your request," you say giving him a look, "at least tell Damian that it's something you want because we both know he wouldn't listen if it was me asking."

"Very well, y/n my love, that sounds like something we could manage to work out," he gives you one more kiss before returning to work as you settle in his lap gain.

A little over a week later you were holding your husband's hand as you, him and your three boys and three girls took a walkthrough the forrest, as the sun was beginning to set.

"You ever wonder," you muse, "if theres a reason people began telling those creepy stories about the woods? Because with everything else life has thrown at us I personally would not be surprised is there was an axe murdering ghost with a hook for a hand that haunted these woods and took it out on couples because his girl friend dumped him and he died from a being a little bitch who can't take no for an answer."

"Tt."

"I thought we were trying to have a nice quiet vacation mom, without axe murderer ghosts," Dick cuts in with a laugh.

"We are, but I'm a writer who's family is always in danger and you're expecting me to not think about the possibility of.m being killed by ghosts?" You retort to your eldest son.

"Is this going to be one of those mom lessons?" Dick sighs as he tilts his head back like a little kid.

You laugh, "sure, since you seem so excited about the idea of ghosts being one of those mom lessons." You pause a moment and think, looking at Bruce who had his arm around you, "what's that thing you always say? About the no surprises?"

"If you're prepared no situation will surprise you when it arrises," Bruce finishes the statement for you.

"Alright, so that. You need to be prepared so axe murdering ghosts don't kill you." Another pause, "it might just be a dumb thought but if I know all of you, and I do, my guess is all of you have thought of at least one way to try and take down a ghost if one suddenly appeared."

You raise an eyebrow and look at each of your kids, adopted or not, as though challenging them to tell you their thoughts on the matter. But before any of them can answer you turn to Damian, "what about you Damian? I'm sure with your many talents you'd be able to easily take down a ghost. How would you do it?"

"Tt," he sounds off but stays quiet, you watch him and you can see in the way he purses his lips and scrunches his eyebrows a little that he's thinking. He's so much like Bruce, if he wasn't then you'd have no idea how to read him. You want so badly to give him a hug, as you see nothing but a little Bruce in front of you, but know that isn't his thing so you keep your distance.

Finally he comes up with his answer to your question, "there are plenty of couples here so I wouldn't have to worry about the ghost coming after me, so I would just have to leave and the ghost would go after one of you fools."

You smile and laugh gently, "That works, I'd be more than happy to distract the ghost so each of you can get away safely."

He gives you a suspicious look, as if he thought you would leave him for dead. But you move on, asking Tim how he would fight a ghost and letting Damian think what he wants too about your answer.

It's almost midnight and you're sitting on the deck of the cabin you had rented sipping some hot chocolate and reading a book. The kids were playing video games together inside and Bruce had fallen asleep on the other half of the oversized chair you were on and was leaning across your lap as one of your hands absentmindedly ran through his hair.

When you hear the cabin door open and close quietly behind you glance up from your book to see Damian coming outside. He has a stoic look on his face and he takes a place in the seat across from you. You give him a soft smile and resume reading your book.

"Tt."

You look up again and he's just watching you, you smile reassuringly at him.

After another few minutes, you hear him ask quietly, "Why would you say that earlier? You would clearly be killed by the ghost and stand the least chance of surviving."

You stick a finger in your book to mark your place and look up at him. Theres a soft look on your facd as you look at him to answer his question. "Damian, that's what a mother does. Even if she knows she won't survive she will do anything to protect her family," you say without a single hesitation.

"Mother said you were only here because of father's money. But earlier you said you'd sacrifice yourself for us to get away, even me."

You raise an eyebrow slightly and smile gently at him, "I did say that Damian, and I meant every word of it, it doesn't matter to me if we are blood or not. The moment you decided you were staying with your father, you became my son too and that means I'm going to do whatever I can to keep you safe."

He nods slightly and leans back in his seat and looks away from you. You think the conversation is over until he speaks again, "y/n, why would you do that?"

"Any mother's child should come first it is as simple as that," you say and he nods once more before standing and going back inside.

As soon as he's gone a huge smile breaks across your face, that was the longest conversation you'd had with him and your week long vacation was almost up. You had been beginning to worry that you plan wasn't going to work but now you felt your heart swell with even more love for the small boy.

You move to pick your book back up but you're interrupted by a kiss on your neck, which was the only spot Bruce could conveniently reach without moving from his comfortable position.

"You heard that didn't you?" you say more than ask.

"Yes, and it seems like your patience is beginning to work," he says a soft smile on his lips and you can't help but give him a peck on the forehead.

When you all arrive home from your vacation Damian is no longer intentionally avoiding you. He doesn't speak to you still but he at least stays in the same room as you. It's not much but its a step in the right direction.

While you had been on your way home the evening before there had been some odd reports coming in from around Gotham. There was another Vigilante in town, but this one was different from your husband, they killed to reach their goal. The GCPD had given him the nick name of Redhood, seeing as he was only ever seen with a red helmet on that covered his face. And Bruce was determined to find out why he was killing everyone who got in his way so needlessly not caring how many fatalities there were.

#Batman #batman x you #batmom #batmom reader #batfam x batmom #batfam #batfam x you #batfam x y/n #batfam x reader #bruce wayne #bruce wayne x you #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne x y/n

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ginnyq · 2 years

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The Book of Boba Fett Episode 3

Welp. That didn’t take long, did it?

Episode 2 really got my hopes up for Star Wars to do right by the Tuskens, the clones, fans of color, indigenous fans, and Temuera Morrison himself, by showcasing the Tuskens as a people and a culture and individuals to be respected.

And then turned around and in the next episode threw that all in the trash.

I say all this as a white person, but one who follows many fans of color who were over the moon about episode 2. Posts for days, almost a whole week, about how much last week’s episode meant to them as indigenous or AAPI fans. And today, the second day after the new episode? It’s crickets about TBOBF, following a small burst of short, heartbroken posts.

And that breaks my heart. And makes me angry. Enraged, in that impotent, helpless way that that makes it hurt even more. So I’d like to make a longer post, because I think it’s important for there to be an in-depth explanation (such as I can give, from my admittedly limited perspective) explaining why episode 3 was so upsetting.

I’d love to talk about the things that were interesting/cool about this episode (the rancor, the half-naked fight with Krrsantan, the clearly skeezy moisture farmer guy), but honestly? I felt sick the moment I saw the black smoke and didn’t stop through the end of the episode. In fact, it’s pretty much killed my excitement for the next episode, and I’ve been looking forward to this show for a literal year.

Because this isn’t just about not liking the direction the story went, i.e. much-loved characters dying. It’s not even completely about the tired, disgusting trope killing off of an indigenous group, although that is most definitely a large part of it, especially after the deep (but still not deep enough) dive into the tribe we got in episode 2.

It’s about the direction that the real-life, human writers took, and the choice to not just use a tired, offensive, hurtful trope, but to not even use it well. Because the slaughter of the Tusken tribe happened almost completely out of the blue (Boba left for what, a day??), and off-screen, and quickly. We see a bunch of dead bodies, but none belonging to the attackers -- you’re telling me that zero bad guys were killed by the Tusken warriors? We don’t even see all the Tusken characters we care about (the badass warrior? the Tusken kid??). Boba is sad for all of what, two minutes, tops? And then bam, moving on!

What kind of offensive, bullshit, lazy-ass writing is this? Because the shift, not only in the narrative but in the tone, was so drastic I felt like I’d missed an episode, or at least a chunk of one. (But hey, thank goodness we spent so much time with that lame, slow-ass chase scene with the brightly colored SW Vespas.)

And I still feel sick, and discouraged, and disappointed, and uninterested, and ANGRY. On behalf of all the people I know and follow who felt episode 2 was a gamechanger in terms of representation, not to mention a sign of improvement, of good and even better things to come.

It’s possible, I suppose, that we haven’t seen the whole story yet. That the flashbacks are incomplete, or Boba’s knowledge is, and that many Tuskens did survive and there will be a victorious return, etc. But I’m not holding out hope, tbh.

And it’s such a slap in the face to all the fans and actors of color, and especially Temuera Morrison and the people who contributed to such good representation in episode 2. Because it could have been better -- we saw it last week. And a choice was made to actively NOT continue such good representation. That’s what hurts most of all, I think.

I’ll watch the rest of the series, but mostly to see if the aftermath/follow-up makes things at all better. My previous excitement is pretty much gone (and I was pumped, people, you have no idea). Honestly, I’m having a hard time getting attached to any new characters, no matter how much screentime they get, since the Tuskens got most of an episode and they got wiped out. I don’t have the emotional or mental energy to invest in anyone else.

And, as a white person, what I’m feeling is a minuscule fraction of the anger, disappointment, and betrayal that indigenous fans and other fans of color are feeling after this episode. I’m angry and heartbroken for them most of all.

#tbobf #tbobf spoilers #spoilers #the book of boba fett #tbobf meta #tbobf episode 3 #racism tw #my meta #personal feelings

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razieltwelve · 3 years

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My Origin Story

I’m often asked about how I got into self-publishing. It’s something I’ve talked about in previous posts, but I want to talk about it again. It’s been years since I started, and I think time has given me something of a different perspective.

I’ve wanted to be a writer for a long time. However, I first began to take my writing more seriously in high school. I started posting my writing on the internet under various pseudonyms, and I gradually honed my skills. I won’t say I was good back then, but I steadily became less horrible. It still wasn’t something I showed to people I knew in my everyday life, not even to my family. My writing was, in my opinion, still too rough and raw to present to others, except via the anonymity of the internet.

Fast forward to university. I continued to improve my writing as best I could. In fact, I devoted most of my spare time to writing. It was at this point that I began to write fan fiction. Now, I can already tell what some of you are thinking, but writing fan fiction was honestly the best decision I could have made at the time. Fan communities are wonderful things. You don’t have to be the best writer to be welcomed, and you can get access to a far larger amount of critique and advice than you would get as some random lone writer on the internet.

My writing improved markedly during this time since I was now getting regular feedback. Now, obviously, it’s true that most fan fiction readers aren’t professional writers or critics. Sometimes, all you get is “I like the bit where people got stabbed”. Yet amongst all of the one word reviews, random hate messages, and simple but welcome words of encouragement, you do meet people who are genuinely interested in helping you improve. I’m talking about detailed reviews that can be pages long, covering everything from sentence construction to overarching plot critiques.

In my Honours year, I finished my first novel. Before you ask, it’s not something that I’ve published although I do intend to go back and fix it up one day. What mattered wasn’t how good it was. No. What mattered was that I actually finished a novel-length story. It was a bit of mess at times, but it was 100,000 words of original fiction. Sure, it wasn’t great, but it was mine. I actually printed it out and had it bound in a manner similar to my Honours thesis.

During my PhD years, I continued to write, and I began to submit my short stories to fiction magazines while sending out inquiry letters to agents and publishers about my longer stories. Over the four years of my PhD I wrote three novels and many short stories.

And this is where my origin story takes a bit of a dark turn.

Do you want to know how many short stories I got published?

Zero.

Do you want to know how much interest I got from publishers and agents about my longer stories?

Zero.

That’s right. I got absolutely zero interest from anyone about my original fiction.

That’s not a good feeling, let me tell you. It can be very disheartening. I might have thrown myself into fan fiction with a bit more enthusiasm then because at least there, in those communities, people liked what I wrote. Despite all the rejections from publishers and agents, I could at least say that in certain communities, my writing was well-loved and respected.

After bashing my head into the proverbial wall for a couple of years, I began to look into self-publishing. If my writing was genuinely good, then surely I’d be able to sell at least a few copies if I self-published. I wasn’t going to get ahead of myself and predict best-seller status or anything, but I had to be able to sell something, right?

I spent the next few months studying the market and learning how to make eBooks and design covers. Finally, I was ready. The very first book I self-published was The Last Huntress. That book was a labour of love. I pored over every sentence. I obsessed about the characters and the setting. I promoted it as best I could via the communities I was a part of, and then I sat back and waited for the magic to happen.

That last part, the bit about the magic? That was sarcasm.

There was no magic.

In that first month, I sold something like 17 copies.

All told, that translated to around $6.50 for me.

Staring at that result was not the happiest moment of my life. I did the mental arithmetic. Even if I increased my sales a hundred fold, it still wouldn’t be enough for me to make a living via writing. Heck, I could increase my sales three hundred fold and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Luckily, my years of unrelenting failure had somewhat numbed me to this latest failure. I decided to try again. The sequel and some other stories actually managed to do a little better, but that was hardly saying anything. It’s kind of like how if your leg has been cut off, you probably won’t feel the pain of a broken finger all that much.

After a full year of massive failure, my knee decided to explode because of course it did.

Cue surgery.

Cue misery.

Cue six weeks with my leg locked straight in a brace.

Sitting on my couch with my leg propped up beside me, I decided that I wanted to write something different. No more serious fantasy. No more high fantasy. My humorous fan fiction was what had first endeared me to readers, so maybe it was time to write something funny. Besides, it might take my mind off the fact that I had weeks of my leg in a brace to look forward to along with months of physiotherapy.

And don’t even me started on how awkward it was to have a bath or use the toilet.

I was throwing around ideas for what kind of story I could write when a scene came to mind: a necromancer being forced to beat his own wayward creation to death. All I really had was that one scene. It sounded pretty funny to me, so I started writing just to see where it would go.

Two Necromancers, a Bureaucrat, and an Elf is what that idea became.

That book sold more copies in a month than all of my previous books combined had managed in a year. In fact, it managed to outdo all of my previous books combined several times over.

I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to see those numbers rolling in. It wasn’t a bestseller by any means, but it was the first time that I began to think that maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t wasting my time, that maybe I could actually do this.

Things have changed a lot since then.

I’ve written more books, and although they’ve had varying degrees of success, they’ve all done so much better than I could ever have imagined during the doldrums of that first year. Humour, it seems, is what I’m best suited to, along with slice of life, and I’m more than happy to embrace that. I’ve even been lucky enough to have some of my books turned into audiobooks.

So there’s my origin story.

It’s easy, I think, to only remember the things that worked, but it’s important to remember the failures too. Writing isn’t an easy thing to do, especially if you’re aiming to make a living out of it. People can be cruel. You’re going to get reviews from people saying that you’re awful, that your story sucks, and that you should quit writing. But you’re also going to get reviews telling you that your story made someone’s day, that you made someone smile, that they can’t wait for the next book.

I wouldn’t be the writer I am today without those years of failure and disappointment. One of the most important qualities to have if you’re going to write humour is the ability to laugh at yourself and to make light of both the very strange and the very mundane. Moreover, a writer should be honest with themselves if they want to improve.

You can argue with reviewers. You can argue with critics. But you can’t argue with $6.50 worth of sales in a month.

I suppose that’s why I tend to be quite sympathetic to the underdog in my writing. I am one. I know what it’s like to put your heart into something and come up empty handed. I had that happen to me for years. I also know how important it is to celebrate the little wins and the small triumphs. Sometimes, they lead to bigger things, and sometimes, they’re all you have.

Well, that’s it. That’s my origin story.

It’s not exactly glorious. It’s filled with more than its fair share of failures. But it is my story. Mine. And that matters. Anyone who tells you that there isn’t some luck involved in the writing business is crazy. Luck is definitely a thing. But just being lucky isn’t enough. It takes years of hard work to become good enough to make the most of that luck, and it takes a certain level of idiocy/stubbornness to keep going despite everyone slamming doors in your face.

It’s a good thing, then, that I’m a lucky, stubborn idiot.

If you’re interested in my thoughts on writing and other topics, you can find those here.

I also write original fiction, which you can find on Amazon here or on Audible here. Also, just in case you missed it… The Sheep Dragon is out on Audible now! Get it here. It’s 26 and a half hours of fun, humour, and adventure!

#personal #musings #writing

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silverducks · 3 years

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Jaime Lannister – A theory on his ending in the books

So, as you can probably tell from my blog, I’m not quite yet over the ending of Game of Thrones, which I binged watched and finished about a month and a half ago now.

The main issue is the ending, or the last 3 episodes to be more precise, where so many things didn’t make a whole lot of sense. The main one being, for me, how the story ended for Jaime Lannister.

So, whilst writing all my super long character analysis for Jaime is definitely helping, (I’m about half way through the next one), I’ve also been reading about possible ways his story could go, and how it might end in the books.

And today I came across a theory I really, really like. It’s become my new headcanon for what will happen in the books and I’ve added a mix of other theories I’ve read to it as well.

Now, show and book spoilers beneath the cut.

First off, I’d like to say I haven’t yet read the books, so this post is based on the show and what I’ve read happens in the books. None of these theories are my own, but I’ve combined them all together in a way that actually makes a lot of sense to me. So until the books prove me wrong – or I come across an even better theory, this is my new headcanon.

(I don’t have any links as they’re random posts/comments etc I’ve found on the net on my phone, but I’m not claiming these ideas as my own, just putting it all together, so I hope the lack of links to source is ok.)

So without any further preamble, the theory is that Jaime and Tyrion’s story arcs and endgame in the book were reversed in the show. This would mean that the main plot points the writer, George R.R. Martin (GRRM) told the screenwriters (D&D), were swapped around between the two characters.

That would mean that it would be Jaime who became the hand of the King, not Tyrion, and Jaime who put forward the idea of the Bran becoming King.

And I love this theory, because it would be such a fitting end for Jaime. And below I will explain why.

Firstly, the idea of Jaime becoming the Hand of the King for Bran is a wonderful final step in his character arc – he’s gone from throwing this kid out of a tower to try and kill him, to serving as his main advisor, trusted with the power and command of the King. Jaime and Bran’s character arcs are already connected, much more than Tyrion’s ever was, and for the similar reason why Bran gave it to Tyrion, he could give it to Jaime – in fact it makes more sense!

And rather than a redemptodeath for Jaime, he doesn’t have to die, and can instead have a fulfilling life, continually making up for past wrongs as the Hand, and with the real love of his life, Brienne. She could still be Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, as per the show, but married to Jaime (they’d change that outdated celibacy/non marriage rule easily enough), giving her a much more satisfying ending. And why does Jaime have to die? He’s atoned for his past wrongs, lost that darn hand that (symbolically in the show), did push Bran out the window, and it doesn’t serve any other higher story telling purpose… And by becoming the Hand of the King, after he lost the hand that hurt said King, is even more symbolic.

I know Jaime has refused to be Hand before, but that was old Jaime. And if we assume Jaime continues on his road to self-betterment, then he can continue to learn and improve the skills that would make a good Hand. He’s becoming more honourable, but has seen enough of the world to know sometimes there’s a conflicting choice (unlike Ned in series one). He’s been learning to rely on his own wits and brains much more since he can’t now just fight his way out of everything – and is proving pretty smart. He is proving to be a good commander of the army and has been a Lord Commander for the Kingsguard. And has enough Lannister cunning, but with actual mercy and honour, to make it work. A stark King with a Lannister Hand!

Imagine, ending the very first episode of the show with Jaime pushing Bran out that window, to ending with Jaime by his side, advising (and also of course) protecting him. How good is a full circle/reflection piece for Jaime as that!

And in a similar vein, Jaime can be the one to put forward to the council of Lords (I assume something similar happens in the books, but much better written), that Bran should be King. That being the all-knowing Three Eyed Raven means he’s a good match. And surely the other Lords would more likely listen to Jaime – who is a good commander – than Tyrion, who hasn’t really won over many of the Lords in Westeros. After all, he was sentenced to death for killing a King (they don’t know it was a set up), and also killed his father and escaped. He’s been in a foreign land serving a foreign (to them anyway) ruler who has just sacked their Capitol city. Doesn’t it just make so much more sense that they’d listen to an alive Jaime? Yes he killed the King too, but he also did a lot of other good stuff as per his redemption arc etc.

Anyway, I just think it makes more sense – and then the Kingslayer Jaime, becomes the Kingmaker Jaime – again another wonderful full circle arc for him.

So, from a storytelling theme, symbolism and arc perspective, I think it just makes so much sense!

But when you also look at the show itself, in comparison to the books and where the show sort of went wrong, it makes more sense too.

So, just to give a bit of background on it, the theory I read today about Jaime and Tyrion’s role reversal was in a post mainly looking at how Tyrion’s character seems to be going in a very different direction in the books versus the show.

The idea is that book Tyrion is in a much darker place in the books than show Tyrion, and this, in the upcoming books, could continue. This could send book Tyrion down a difficult, morally dark path, which could result in him becoming more of a villain type character, perhaps taking on more and more of his father’s bad traits. This makes sense to me, as Tyrion was most like his father and was certainly cunning. And where the books start to properly deviate from the show, after series four, Tyrion could go either way. He has just killed his father and his lover. And in the books he also falls out with Jaime when Jaime tells him the truth about his first wife (that she wasn’t a whore like Tywin said). Being in this foreign land with all these dark thoughts and deeds haunting him, I can definitely see him turning into more of a bad guy.

So, basically, a completely different story arc for Tyrion.

In terms of his endgame? Well, if he’s swapped with Jaime’s then I guess it means he might die. Maybe after killing Cersei, hence them dying “together.” Or at least be punished such as sent to the Wall or something. I don’t think GRRM said either Lannister brother actually dies in Cersei’s loving arms, so I’m guessing they took some differences in both Jaime’s and Tyrion’s endgame, if the theory is correct.

And I’m tempted to believe it is, because it helps explain Tyrion’s kind of dodgy characterisation in the later series of the show. He just wasn’t really the same after series four, which at the time, I just put down to D&D not being clever enough writers to write a clever character such as Tyrion. But with this theory, it actually makes more sense. Tyrion was such a fan favourite character in the show, the underdog, clever, snarky good guy, I can understand why D&D didn’t want to take him down this other, darker path. In the books, there’s much more time and details and PoVs to make it work, whereas the show would struggle, especially against such a popular fandom character.

It also explains why Jaime never told him the truth about his wife, or they had their big fall out in the show.

And by changing Tyrion’s story arc so much, they didn’t really know what to replace it with (I think we all agree D&D are not the best writers), so his characterisation was not only off in later series, but it meant they took Jaime’s end game and gave it to Tyrion instead. And this further makes sense as they might have thought having just Cersei (a female) the only bad Lannister at the end was too much, especially when one of the other main female characters, Dany, was also going bad. So, they made Jaime “hateful” in the end to better match and even out Cersei, because it was supposed to be Tyrion…

(I do think D&D were also unhealthily obsessed with Cersei and Twincest, so they probably thought it have them an extra good reason.)

And there’s a really good reflection in this between the two brothers – Jaime starts out the villain, but ends up the underdog hero, Tyrion starts out the underdog hero, but ends up the villain.

But, in changing Tyrion’s character, if indeed it does, it then also has a knock on effect for so many other things.

The theory also said that he might negatively influence Dany, when they meet. For example, help to slowly bring out her suppressed mad/dark side, encourage her to take Kings Landing (which the theory points out Tyrion actually ends up hating because of how the people there view him.) So perhaps if Tyrion’s influence is so vengeful in the books, maybe’s Dany’s own turn to madness makes much more sense. And the lack of Tyrion’s negative influence in the show, undermines this. And this could then make Jon’s decision to have to kill her much harder etc.

So, I do think it’s quite possible, looking at Tyrion’s side, that they gave him a very different story arc, and so had to swap it up with Jaime’s endgame.

The show has certainly mixed and matched up characters from the book, so this would help explain why the main beats are still GRRMs, but why they didn’t just work for some of the characters. So not completely made up and ruined, but they just weren’t able to make the pieces fit together properly in their changed version. (And I do think they could have easily done a much better job, so I’m not letting D&D off the hook.)

Now, back to Jaime, because as much as I love all the characters, I’ll be honest, it’s only really Jaime and Brienne who I obsess enough over to properly theorise about.

Why do I think this works so well for Jaime? Well, first off, the whole him dying in Cersei’s arms just does not make any sense at all to me (hence all my super long posts about it). Especially if we take into account how over Cersei show Jaime seems in series 8, until that scene in episode 4. He behaves like he’s completely cut ties with her, fallen out of love with her and has fallen truly in love with someone else instead – Brienne. This is even more obvious in the books, where Jaime actually burns Cersei’s letter where she’s begging for help. And when he looks back on it later, he’s dreading retuning to Kings Landing and facing her. In fact, he thinks that Cersei might well die, but there’s nothing he can do anyway and perhaps she deserves it. Granted we do have 2 more books to go, but this is like the complete opposite of his ending in series 8, that I think it’s highly unlikely it was meant to happen in the books. A LOT of stuff would have to happen for book Jaime to change his mind now.

But as they gave Jaime’s ending to Tyrion, as per our theory, then what do they do with Jaime? Well, why not have him die in Cersei’s arms and fulfil their Twincest fix. Have Jaime be the bad brother Lannister, not Tyrion.

In fact, I don’t think D&D knew what to do with Jaime either, as he changes so abruptly in the show. It’s like they had to try to cover Jaime’s actual plot points from GRRM (which I’d assume were things like fighting the dead, getting together with Brienne), but then suddenly have him change his mind and rush back to Cersei... Also, as much as I loved Jaime in early series 8, he doesn’t really do anything pivotal. If you take him out of the equation and have him never even in series 8, the actual storylines all stay the same anyway. So, for me, this further adds weight to the idea that, in swapping Jaime’s endgame with Tyrion, they were left with the same problem, what do we then do with Jaime?

It’s like other aspects – they try to change one thing, but by changing that, it affects everything else so what you’re left with doesn’t make sense for the characters.

Now, so far I’ve talked mainly about the show, because overall I do think the main plot points in the show will happen in the books. And if you consider the role reversal between Tyrion and Jaime, it makes more sense why what happened did happen (which makes no sense in the show story itself).

But this is where I start to tie the various theories I’ve read together – it also makes a lot of sense in the books, for Jaime to not die, but instead be Bran’s Hand.

Other than the wonderful symmetry we’d get, as mentioned above, there’s a few things that happen in Jaime’s arc just in the books that make it even more possible, which I’ll talk about now.

So, most of this comes from Jaime’s fever dream, or also called his Weirwood dream. Now, there’s lots of analysis on this dream on the net, and there’s lots of ideas, some conflicting, of what it could mean. It’s not all relevant to this particular theory, so I’ll just summarise it. Basically, in the books, Jaime doesn’t go back to save Brienne from the bear straight away. Instead he travels quite far away with Bolton’s men, and goes to sleep on, what we assume, is a Weirwood stump. At the same time, Jaime is also suffering from a fever due to his hand becoming infected. Now, that means he’s potentially delirious, but also the dream is potentially prophetic. The Weirwood trees are those magic trees that Bran uses to have visions and to find the first Three Eyed Raven. I’m sure there’s more about them in the books as well. But it’s this potential for it being prophetic that I’m most interested in here.

Ok, so the dream starts a bit like a nightmare – Jaime is led somewhere underground that’s dark and feels dangerous by lots of ghosts. He first assumes it’s under Casterly Rock, and indeed he thinks he’s surrounded by the ghosts of the Lannister family. He’s scared and naked (eg vulnerable) and his father, sister and Joeffrey come. Cersei is holding a torch – the only light in the world for Jaime, but they leave and Jaime is left scared again in the dark. Before they go, he begs them for a sword, which Tywin says he gave him, and he begs Cersei to not leave him. Jaime finds a sword and as he touches it, the blade flames blue, providing some light. Now, a lot of analysis on this part of the dream tie it to Jaime’s metaphorical death, (ie of the old Jaime going to Hell) or breaking away from his family so they leave him. The light of Cersei’s going out, and instead a new light on Jaime’s sword coming, could also then symbolise that he’s breaking away (or about to) from Cersei and finding himself, his own light, instead. I also think, as we know Tywin and Joeffrey die later in the books and show, that it’s also foretelling their deaths. Which means it’s likely that Cersei dies before Jaime in the books, hence why he leaves her and he can’t follow. So this firstly means Jaime can’t die in Cersei’s arms.

Now, the next bit of the dream gets interesting, because who shows up next, after Cersei and his family has gone? Brienne of course! She appears (also naked) and Jaime imagines she looks not only more like a woman now, but also that in the light she could also be beauty, and a knight. This is generally taken to show Jaime’s growing (and so far subconscious) attraction to Brienne – and that he sees her as both a warrior and a woman. Now she asks for a sword, and also asks to be able to keep him safe, as she has pledged this and must keep her oath. A sword appears and Jaime gives it to her, and it also starts burning with blue flames.

Now, I think these two swords represent Oathkeeper (the one Jaime gives to Brienne in series four) and Widow’s Wail, which Jaime gets after Tommen dies in series 7. And these are two Valyrian steel swords that were from the melted down sword Ice, which used to be Neds. Now, I don’t think this is coincidental, but again I’ll come back to this.

Brienne is there to help protect Jaime, but she also asks him what’s down in this dark place (which may or may not still symbolise Casterly Rock or another place). Jaime says doom, and Brienne is worried it’s a bear (foreshadowing her being in the bear pit later). We hear, but don’t see Cersei saying that if the flames go out, Jaime will die.

In the next part of the dream ghostly, mist like figures appear and Jaime recognises them as his former Kingsguard and then Rhaeger, the heir to the throne before he was killed in Robert’s rebellion. These ghostly figures accuse Jaime of not keeping his oaths and seem about to attack. Jaime tries to plead with them and give his reasons, and Brienne is still there ready to defend him. These ghosts likely represent the internal guilt and self-hatred Jaime still has for killing the Mad King, but also for not saving Rhaeger’s own children, which were murdered on Tywin’s orders. As the ghost like figures continue to accuse Jaime, the flame on his own sword goes out, and the ghosts rush in, and then Jaime wakes up. As soon as he wakes up, pretty much, he demands Bolton’s men take him back to Harrenhal, where he then saves Brienne just like in the show.

Now, I read a lot of people saying this foretells Jaime’s death, that his flame goes out, but I disagree. I think the fact that Brienne has a matching flame, on a twin sword to his, means that Jaime doesn’t die – after all Cersei says flameS. Instead, I think this ending to the dream foretells that Brienne will actually save Jaime – that as long as she is alive, Jaime will also be.

Now, onto more foreshadowing theories from this dream – I think the ghostly, mist like figures also represent the White Walkers, and that him and Brienne are there facing them means that they will indeed (just like in the show) stand together to fight them in the books. As this has also happened after Cersei has left Jaime with his now dead father and son, I think it means she’ll already have died by this point.

I also think his guilt and the mention of Rhaegar’s children, which Jaime feels guilty about failing to protect, will also tie into Jon’s storyline. As the only surviving child of Rhaegar, I think once Jaime finds out, and Jon, Jaime will pledge himself to protect/serve Jon to make up for this guilt. I then think, based on this, that Jaime will effectively save Jon’s life in the battle with the White Walkers and then, Brienne will have to save Jaime’s. After all, she says in the dream she pledged to protect and save Jaime.

Now, the reason I think the end of the dream means Brienne saves Jaime, is not only because her flame keeps burning in the dream, but also because, as soon as Jaime wakes up, he decides he has to save Brienne. As we are going with the idea that this dream is prophetic from the Weirwood stump, it seems very important that Jaime rescues Brienne, so she can be there to fight with him. And what better reason than having to save him, when his own light (the sword flames) has failed?

And those swords – two halves of one whole, from Ice, the Stark’s sword. Turning into blue flames and helping them in the battle against the dead. Likely at or near Winterfell like in the show… When the books have a theory about a special sword called Lightbringer, wielded by the hero Azor Ahai to defeat the Others..

Soooo, perhaps this is really going into the realms of fan theory, but I definitely think that ICE could be Lightbringer, and that Brienne and Jaime, with Jon (who imo is the Azor Ahai character) will be imperative in helping to defeat the White Walkers. And that Jaime will fall in this battle, and Brienne will have to be there to save him so he doesn’t die.

Now, you might ask, what does all this random dream theorising mean for Jaime becoming the Hand of the King? Well, first of all I think it foreshadows that both Jaime and Brienne have a major part to play in the battle against the dead – much more than in the show. And that as Jaime is near death, it was super important for Brienne to be there to save him. And that it was super important for Jaime to give Brienne the sword Oathkeeper, and have Widow’s Wail himself – two halves of the same sword. So, all this must happen, and Brienne must save Jaime, which is why Jaime was given the prophetic dream in the first place. After all, if he hadn’t of saved Brienne, none of the above could go as it should…

And, this is where Bran comes in and this is more my own idea than anything else, so forgive me if I’m just not understanding the books properly. But as Bran himself sees visions through the Weirwood trees, which I suspect are due to them being sent either by the old Three Eyed Raven, or markers from Bran himself in the future, or perhaps fate or another unseen magical force. Then I wonder if the reason why Jaime was sent this vision, is because of Bran – and also the White Walkers. That Jaime had to help in the fight, but also had to be saved by Brienne. (Maybe even because it’s through his interactions with Brienne that he does become a better person and chooses to fight). And he had to be saved, because it was his destiny to be the Hand of the King to Bran. And also to save Jon so Jon can defeat the White Walkers. And that perhaps, this saving of Jon by Jaime is another reason why he is chosen as the Hand of the King.

I would also like to add in here, my other theories for book Jaime, which can lead him up to being Hand of the King, and tie up other loose ends in his story arc. So, the books and the show deviate a lot for Jaime after series four – he breaks away from Cersei much earlier and he’s currently off on an adventure in the Riverlands with Brienne in the books. A story arc not put into the show, featuring Lady Stoneheart (LSH). Now, she is a re-resurrected, zombie like version of Catelyn Stark, who is hell bent on revenge for the Freys and the Lannisters for the Red Wedding. She’s threatened Brienne with the death of Pod, unless she brings her Jaime. (At least that’s what most people infer from the books, it’s left open ended on a bit of a cliffhanger.

Now, my theory on this is that somehow Jaime and Brienne will have to fight each other in a trial by combat (echoed in the show itself by Brienne’s line about maybe having to fight Jaime). Of course they won’t be able to kill each other and will somehow be able to escape from, or kill Lady Stonehart.

So, why am I mentioning this? Well, GRRM himself has said he was disappointed they didn’t include the LSH plot in the show. Instead, D&D completely cut it out and sent Jaime to Dorne instead (as in series 5, which isn’t in the books). But for GRRM to say he wanted it in the show, makes me think there’s something very significant that is going to happen from it – either to the characters, or their relationship. Something which will later prove to be important in the rest of the story. This makes me think that Jaime and Brienne have a much bigger impact on the overall story arc than they were given in the show. And if it is more important, it makes the idea they’d have an important ending as well – Hand and LC of Kingsguard respectively – make more sense. And perhaps add more weight to the idea that Jaime HAD to save Brienne.

Now, after LSH, my idea is that Jaime will have to go back to Kings Landing and Cersei – but not in a romantic way. I think, like in the show, Jaime’s going to have a story arc that takes him on the role of commanding the Lannister’s forces against Dany’s when they get to Westeros. And if we assume Cersei does die before the battle with the undead, maybe this is also when Jaime kills Cersei – if he is the Valanqar, the one prophesised to kill Cersei. Or it could be someone else…

I then think the battle for Kings Landing will happen before that of the White Walkers, so Jaime then goes to help in the North, and catches up with Brienne again, who has been busy saving Sansa after her and Jaime parted ways (on good, but still unrealised and not yet acknowledged romantic terms) after LSH. I then think, like in the show, Jaime and Brienne will get together near the end, but this time not only will there be no Cersei for Jaime to rush back to (and throwing his character arc out the window like he does in the show), but he will still live to then become King Bran’s hand.

Of course, there’s still so many unknowns, and all, none or bits of this could happen, so I really hope we do get to see the last two books and find out what really happens.

But until then, I’m going to stick with the idea that Jaime marries Brienne, and becomes the Hand of the King and survives!

There, that’s the end of my theory – several all tied together really. I’d be interested to know what people think.

I know that my later reasons are more random ideas, but I do think, above all, the idea that Jaime is going to be the Hand of the King, not Tyrion, helps explain why the show didn’t really make sense for those characters (Jaime's 180 change at the end being the main one). But also just the wonderful symmetry of a redeemed Jaime fulfilling the role of Hand, for a King he once tried to kill, after he became a better person after losing his own hand…

#Game of Thrones #Jaime Lannister #Brienne x Jaime

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jess-rewatches-prodigalson · 3 years

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Face Value (S2, E7)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:05 - Hold your horses. Malcolm taught at Quantico?!? I mean, I realize that he probably just did the occasional guest lecture (like most profilers?) but I’m still stupidly proud of him. <3

0:50 - ngl Malcolm’s a good lecturer. Take it from a university student.

1:13 - “It’s okay. We don’t know what you did and it’s not that mu-....BREATHE” Holy shit. I’m torn between ranting about what a great actor Tom Payne is and losing my mind because this scene is heartbreaking. Look at Malcolm. I swear he’s reminding himself to breathe - not Ainsley. He’s completely panicking but he’s trying so hard to be strong for Ainsley. This boy is an absolute treasure. Brother of the CENTURY.

1:41 - “You’re right Ainsley. I screwed up.” NO NO NO NO NO. Can you hear the sound of my heart shattering?!? This scene is so much more devastating the second time. When you know Ainsley is putting ON A SHOW HERE. Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s devastated. He blames himself for AINSLEY’S actions. He’s starting to genuinely believe that he’s no better than Martin Whitly. Malcolm’s depression/anxiety is through the roof in this episode. I honestly won’t be shocked if Malcolm has a complete mental breakdown in the next few episodes. Hell, I don’t think I’d be surprised if he tries to OD on his meds. This boy is in crisis and I’m terrified for him.

1:44 - “I think I did too.”.....this line is interesting. Is this part of Ainsley’s act or is she showing some regret for putting Malcolm through this much emotional torment? She can clearly see that this whole situation is literally destroying her brother’s already fragile peace of mind.

1:55 - “Today could be the day!”.....the day that everyone finds out about Endicott and Ainsley.....seriously, Malcolm’s daily affirmations this season have done nothing but feed his anxiety.

2:04 - OF COURSE. A call from Martin. Malcolm is going to have a mental breakdown. It’s just everything. All at once. I’m getting secondhand anxiety FOR him.

2:35 - hahaha Martin is a crazy, evil, pain in the ass but damn is he entertaining.

2:55 - 1) Ainsley looks adorable in Malcolm’s hoodie. 2) Ainsley straight up leaves his loft later in this episode. Did she hid a change of clothes in the loft before Malcolm got home last night? Or does she actually leave her big brother’s apartment in his clothes?

3:05 - “Getting hit by a train might be better.” Yep. Malcolm is entering a dangerous territory. I know depression is different for everyone but for me, when I start joking - out loud - to people I love about death in passing....things are bad. Like I’m getting suicidal bad. I know Malcolm has a morbid job and he talks about death all the time but this feels like Malcolm is starting to consider suicide as an option.

3:34 - I can see Ainsley’s “You were trying to control me” perspective. BUT honestly? Take a step back and listen to the desperation and fear in Malcolm’s voice. Anyone with half a brain cell can HEAR how scared Malcolm is and how deeply he loves his sister. Ainsley has known Malcolm her entire life. If she was functioning on all cylinders - she would know that Malcolm is just being a protective big brother. He’s not trying to control her - just help her. But this has been a theme for Ainsley since season 1 when she brought up visiting Martin during family dinner. She seems to believe that Jessica and Malcolm think that she’s a “fragile flower” and that she can’t take care of herself. I understand how that could be frustrating but I also find it concerning that Ainsley doesn’t seem to understand that they aren’t treating her that way because they think she’s weak or stupid but rather out of love. Ainsley acts like a petulant child about this sort of thing (anger, whining, eye-rolling). Ainsley acts very entitled a lot, in the sense that if something doesn’t go her way she just throws a hissy fit (think reporting and/or any Whitly family squabble). Ainsley is messed up. Unlike Malcolm, she doesn’t seem to have any self-awareness when it comes to her behavioural eccentricities. Malcolm actively tries to improve his mental state. Ainsley just throws a hissy fit when the world doesn’t bend to her will.....and this stream of consciousness Ainsley rant just became wayyyyy longer than I had anticipated (sorry).

3:41 - “Promise me.” See that look? Ainsley is pissed at Malcolm. This girl’s anger is concerning me.......what if (crazy thought) the season finale is Martin escaping Claremont to stop Ainsley from killing Malcolm?

3:43 - I wish I could be happier about this hug. Malcolm is finally getting a hug but.....he instigated it and he’s not the one being comforted sooooooooo I’m still unsatisfied.

3:49 - “Hey, you look...terrible.” SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS DANI!! God. I love how concerned she is about Malcolm. IDC how you feel about Brightwell. If you don’t think they’re good friends - you’re a moron.

4:05 - This is the moment when I went....oooohhhh yeah. LDP directed this episode. That’s probably why he’s not in this scene.

4:10 - JT is a GOOD husband. Give him a medal. Seriously - last season he was going to watch the Taylor wedding live with Tally (who was going to wear a hat <3 ), this season Mr. Masculine casually throws out stats about the Housewives. hahaha I don’t even care if JT genuinely enjoys the Housewives or not. I’m just so utterly delighted at the idea of him watching it with his wife and having a good time with her. <3 JT is the definition of a good husband and I’m HERE FOR IT.

4:34 - .......seriously? I thought Edrisa had realized that this crush is unrequited last season? I love Edrisa but her obsession with Malcolm is getting a little creepy. Like “13 year old in love with the 40 year old math teacher” creepy. It’s sort of cute but also like - gurl. No.

4:38 - Ok. Dani’s reaction to Edrisa hitting on Malcolm saves the scene for me. Lol.

4:51 - Ugh. That is a really creepy corpse.

4:56 - Look. We’ve all obsessed about it already but I have to bring it up: MALCOLM STILL HAS THE BRUISE FROM THE ELEVATOR. SOMEONE GIVE THE MAKEUP DEPARTMENT A MEDAL. THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING MALCOLM’S PHYSICAL TRAUMA.

5:21- ......ok maybe I’m projecting my cynicism here but anyone who has framed newspaper clippings about themselves in their office is seriously egocentric. Maybe it’s just me - but that’s a massive turn off and takes someone out of the running for “angel” status.

6:10 - I’m sorry for every time I thought Jessica was a crazy rich lady during season 1. Birdie is so so so much crazier.

6:36 - “Only the men you date.” Bitch. OMG. Who says something that backhanded and cruel to their sibling?!?!? ......oh wait. I remember how this episode ends :|

7:15 - THANK YOU. I’ve been wondering about the status of Martin’s medical certification since I watched the pilot. SO happy to find out that he couldn’t weasel his way into keeping it.

7:37 - Like most of you, I’ve been creeped out by this whole Martin/Capshaw interaction since it was released as a promo clip. Seriously - it’s creepy. There’s an upsetting amount of subtle flirting here. I’m not sure what it is about Capshaw but her whole energy is just really unnerving to me. I immediately hated her in the promo. Istg Capshaw is an undercover serial killer or something. AND IF SHE BECOMES A LOVE INTEREST FOR MARTIN I WILL LOSE MY SHIT.

8:06 - Oh yeah. She’s either romantically interested in Martin or she’s a psychopath on the DL and is playing him.

8:12 - YAY!!! The Yankee mug returns!!! <3

8:34 - “Sometimes the most monstrous people are the ones hiding in plain sight.” Ouch. I know the writers like to project Malcolm’s emotional turmoil on the case of the week but hearing those words come out of Gil’s mouth?!? Ouch. That hurt Malcolm. Bad. It wasn’t even directed at Malcolm but damn. This is not helping his mental health. At all.

8:41 - Gil. Is. Concerned. <3 :) .....pretty sure Gil also suspects about Endicott and Ainsley by now too. .....hmmmmm maybe that comment about monsters was Gil’s way of trying to get Malcolm to confess (or to gauge Malcolm’s reaction)?

9:15 - I feel so bad for Malcolm here. He’s literally juggling everyone’s problems. Ainsley’s murder situation. Jessica’s personal drama. But is he dealing with his emotional problems? No. He’s too busy being a good son/brother. SOMEONE PAY ATTENTION TO MALCOLM. HE NEEDS A HUG.

9:35 - Deer. In. Headlights. Well....at least Dani knows Malcolm’s about to have a mental breakdown. This boy just got more information to help him crack a murder case and he looks confused, startled, and lost. He’s usually excited and motivated. This Endicott situation is slowly killing Malcolm. I don’t know how much longer he can struggle under the weight of the guilt.

9:48 - Look at this. Ainsley is pissed off that Malcolm isn’t paying attention to her. We know that this whole 2nd murder was a sham so WTF? Is she really just that hungry for attention? That sounds like Martin Whitly to me - the narcissistic psychopath who needs attention like an addict needs cocaine. Also AINSLEY’S acting here?!? We know that she’s lying to Malcolm but holy shit. She’s a really good actress/liar? What else has she lied about?!?

10:05 - Ok. So just when did Ainsley remember? I honestly think she’s known since at least 2x01.

10:20 - Look. I understand that Ainsley is pissed that Malcolm is trying to ‘control her’. But did she even listen to the desperation and fear in his voice? This boy wants her to stay in the loft because he’s scared of who she might hurt if she’s out in public, unsupervised. He’s not trying to abuse or hurt her - just protect her. Is he misguided -maybe? Should he have called the cops on Ainsley right away - probably. But he didn’t out of love. Ainsley doesn’t even seem to realize how much this whole situation is hurting Malcolm and that’s the biggest problem. She doesn’t show any remorse at killing Endicott. She’s just pissed off that Malcolm lied about it. SHE KILLED SOMEONE an she (outwardly at least) feels no remorse. This girl is a psychopath (sociopath?) and this will NOT end well for Malcolm and Jessica.

10:27 - This whole scene was awesome btw. Tom Payne flawlessly communicated Malcolm’s panic, fear, anger, and desperate attempts to stay calm. And Dani’s blatant concern (and suspicion) of Malcolm and his mental state. AND Ainsley being a little brat. Ugh. So beautiful.

10:45 - I love this scene. I love the fact that they have the type of friendship where Dani’s not afraid to call Malcolm out on his crap (trying to hide things from the team). I love that Malcolm isn’t offended that Dani called him out. He doesn’t lie. Ainsley is lost at the moment. Malcolm is more honest with Dani about how the whole Ainsley thing is affecting him than he is with anyone else. I love that Dani still looks suspicious and concerned. I love watching Dani piece this whole thing together. I’m honestly at a point where I think Dani is going to know about Endicott before Gil. I love that Dani gives Malcolm honest, judgement-free advise. Because she doesn’t like seeing how much pain Malcolm is in. I love that Malcolm isn’t completely shutting her out. <3

11:00 - “What if she already has?”.....yep. Dani is totally piecing the Endicott situation together.

11:09 - “I’m overthinking it.” THIS. There is a split second where you can see the betrayal on Dani’s face. She knows Malcolm is hiding something and she’s hurt that he doesn’t trust her enough to let her in. She’s also probably hurt because she views this as a lie - which brings back 1x20 memories.

11:35 - “Even when they’re as beautiful as you.” Ugh. I love this so so so so much. Look at how Dani absolutely lights up at Malcolm’s unintentional compliment. I relate to Dani in the sense that I’m a woman in a male dominated field (engineering). I can’t tell you how often men that she works with have probably objectified her, belittled her, and sexualized her. Malcolm isn’t doing this. He doesn’t call her hot. He doesn’t comment on her body or how she dresses. He doesn’t even acknowledge that she’s a woman. He just calls her beautiful. But he does it in a way that you can tell he’s being genuine. He doesn’t expect anything in return for the compliment. He’s not trying to play the long game. He’s just thinks she’s beautiful. He doesn’t even realize that he said it. BECAUSE Malcolm is in profiler mode. He’s focused on the murder - not Dani. He mentioned that Dani’s beauty off-handedly because 1) he believes it and 2) it was relevant to his profiling train of thought. BUT LOOK AT HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO DANI. <3 <3 <3

12:00 - Why is Chabra exiled to the corner of the room?!?! Someone explain this tomfoolery. Is it literally to just get across that Chabra is not the alpha in this corrupt plastic surgery business?!?

12:16 - Ew. Please never say YOLO. Ever. It’s cringy when kids say it but it’s so so so much worse when someone over 25 says it.

12:18 - hhahahahahahaha OMG. Dani’s face after he says “yolo”.

12:31 - Yep. This dude is an asshole. DO NOT try to convince Malcolm to get plastic surgery. The dude has enough problems without adding dysmorphia to the mix.

12:41 - Yep. Chabra is the little puppy that follows Donahue around and does the grunt work.

12:50 - LOOK AT THE NOD DONAHUE GIVES CHABRA when Chabra denies that stock has gone missing. Can you arrest someone for being a rich, corrupt, asshole?! Ugh. Hate him.

13:20 - Ugh. I really want to know more about Dani’s past. Who in the NYPD tried to belittle, micromanage, or sexualize her just because she’s a woman?

13:30 - “I want Donahue to be the bad guy.” PREACH SISTER.

13:48 - “Easy. We just isolate him with our own alpha males.” hahaha OMG. LET”S GO. I was so pumped when this scene cut to JT and Gil. BUT I was also a little sad. Malcolm doesn’t consider himself to be an alpha male (I mean, he’s not) but it really just drove home to be that Malcolm sees himself as broken. Gil has been Malcolm’s positive male role model for years. But Malcolm doesn’t think he’s anything like Gil. Malcolm thinks he’s broken where Gil is whole, weak where Gil is strong, and bad when Gil is good. It just sort of broke my heart.

14:00 - hahaha Chabra is just a wimp. Watching Gil and JT play angry cop, calm cop was so so so good though. <3

14:05 - This was the moment that I remembered LDP was directing this episode. I’m not usually someone who notices camera work or anything but this was a really cool shot.

15:00 - Oh c’mon. Seriously? Edrisa’s crush has gone too far. She knows he doesn’t like her romantically. Everyone knows it. Please stop this. I’m getting secondhand embarrassment.

15:16 - Did Edrisa think they were going to do it in the morgue?!? Those flowers?!? Like wtf. I can’t.

15:29 - I’ll give props to Malcolm here. He’s being really kind to Edrisa here. BUT HE NEEDS TO TELL HER HE’S NOT INTERESTED BECAUSE SHE’S CLEARLY NOT GETTING THE MESSAGE.

15:33 - Ugh. Look at how uncomfortable Malcolm is. This is upsetting.

16:08 - “What?!? How do you -” Panic. Pure panic in Malcolm’s eyes. Damn. This boy is spiralling. Someone needs to find out about Endicott. Malcolm can’t keep trying to protect Ainsley and Jessica alone. It’s literally killing him.

17:14 - “All she could see was the ugliness she felt inside.” “That’s a sad way to live.” .........the parallels between the plastic surgery, dysmorphia, and vengeful crime of the week to Malcolm’s current mental health and Ainsley’s crime is slowly killing me. I’m honestly getting annoyed that the other characters aren’t picking up on all the subtle references Malcolm’s making to the fact that he thinks he’s a monster. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO COMFORT HIM. THAT’S ALL. WHY IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FEDAK!??!

17:30 - Another point to the Dani/Malcolm friendship. She takes out the gun and pushes Malcolm back. Is she trying to protect him? Technically, yes. BUT she’s just doing her job. I love that Malcolm respects Dani enough to let her take charge and do her job. I love that he’s secure enough about his masculinity to let her.

18:15 - Yikes. This woman is 90% plastic. Cosmetic plastic surgery is terrifying.

20:16 - Another reminder of the woman’s ward. Either Sophie Sanders or Ainsley is going to end up in that ward soon (I’m still half-convinced that Sophie is going to appear out of the woodwork and take the fall for Endicott).

21:49 - “...convinced her that she would never have a career unless she looked the part.” <3 Look at how disgusted Gil is when Dani tells him that. Gil is a good man and I love him forever. <3

22:33 - I love this. Dani and Gil are both concerned about Malcolm and communicating it in looks. It won’t be long until there’s a team intervention for Malcolm’s mental health (or at least, that’s my headcanon - if someone wants to write me a fic about it I’ll love you forever).

22:44 - WTF GIL. WHY AREN’T YOU ASKING MALCOLM WHAT’S WRONG?!?! IS IT BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW AND YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT YET?!?!

22:49 -.....soooooo does this mean that Gil already knew that Birdie existed?!? How often did Birdie appear after Martin’s arrest?!?! I WANT DETAILS.

23:06 - Holy shit. Look at that little smirk Ainsley shoots Malcolm when he first walks in and sees her. Ainsley is maliciously toying with Malcolm and I DON”T LIKE IT.

23:14 - Jessica is concerned. I promise you Ainsley and Malcolm have rarely - if ever - fought like this in front of her. I was raised in single parent home after my abusive dad left. I know how that changes the sibling dynamic. No matter how genuinely pissed off you are - you don’t stress Mom out more. If you’re just annoyed with each other and doing regular ‘sibling squabbling’ - then you whine and argue in front of Mom. But if you’re seriously angry with each other - you deal with it when Mom isn’t home to see it because no matter what - you both appreciate how hard Mom is working to keep what’s left of your family together.

23:28 - “Malcolm. Looking more like your father every day.” BITCH. Did she just say that because she watched Malcolm go off on Ainsley? Sure, Malcolm was a little controlling (probably similar to a situation Birdie witnessed between Jess and Martin back in the day) but HOLY SHIT. That is your nephew. Maybe he’s having a bad day. Maybe being told he resembles a serial killer is really damaging to his already fragile pysche. I don’t like Birdie. AND I DON”T LIKE THAT JESSICA DOESN”T STAND UP FOR MALCOLM HERE.

24:00 - I don’t like this. These Martin+Capshaw scenes are really hard to watch. Martin is still acting like Martin - manipulative, egotistic, manicA. But he’s also acting like a professional doctor (an asshole doctor but still). It’s really disconcerting to watch Capshaw take his medical opinion seriously. Plus - there’s something about Capshaw that creeps me out. I just haven’t figured out what it is yet. But I’m pretty sure she’s a bad lady.

24:16 - “What bit should I use?” - See this? No. Just...no. I don’t like how she’s taking Martin’s medical advise to heart so readily.

25:04 - Why was Martin allowed to watch the procedure?!? He’s clearly getting a sick amount of pleasure from the blood and drilling. Look at the way Martin grins at Capshaw too. Martin is planning out an entire scheme to manipulate Capshaw into helping him escape. You can see the metaphoric lightbulb above his head.

25:29 - This meal. Seriously. Was I the only one who got a glimpse of the meat in a red sauce and thought “human meat”?!? No wonder Malcolm’s main food group is liquorice.

25:44 - Poor Jessica. She is not having a good time. Jessica’s behaviour in this scene is really interesting though. Jessica repeatedly shoots apologetic looks at Malcolm. She looks at Ainsley with fear. She looks super uncomfortable. She’s not saying much because she desperately wants a relationship with her sister but she also doesn’t want to belittle her son’s career. She’s proud of Malcolm - in her own way.

26:00 - “The family trust fund would run dry.” hahahahaha YES MALCOLM. THROW THAT SHADE. hahahaha

26:23 - “Most of the time anyway” Wow. Uncalled for. I know Ainsley is mad but this isn’t cool. I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that Birdie has been approached by Europol about the Endicott murder. I have this terrifying notion that Birdie is trying to collect intel so she can sell the information to Europol. If I’m right (which I’m probably not) this comment will not help Malcolm’s case.

26:41 - hahaha look at how annoyed Jessica is. Is she annoyed because her children are openly fighting in front of their Aunt when Jessica wants to portray the “perfect, undamaged family”? Or is Jessica annoyed because what Ainsley just said was out of line and she’s scared of Ainsley right now?

27:02 - “Why would you do that? I told you I would handle everything.” This. This is why I will argue that Ainsley is way out of line. Yes, Malcolm is sort of trying to control her. BUT listen to his words, the desperation and fear in his voice. Malcolm is trying to protect Ainsley. Ainsley has every right to be annoyed with him but if she was functioning at an adult mental capacity she’d be able to see that he isn’t being malicious.

27:35 - The fact that Birdie is a backstabbing, lying bitch is so frustrating to me. Look at how badly Jessica wants to have a healthy relationship with her little sister. Jessica just wants a girl-friend to confide in and drink with. I’m heartbroken that Martin stole that from her.

28:05 - I know LDP was directing this episode but JT or Dani should’ve called Malcolm. Why? This conversation between Gil and Malcolm (WHEN GIL IS WEARING HIS COAT) just makes me wonder - where is Gil going? JT is at Donahue’s apartment. Dani and Malcolm are going to talk to Chabra. Where is Gil going?!?

29:07 - ....how did Donahue get the coke into the cheetah? Was there a release thingy (like in a piggy bank) that Malcolm just elected not to use in the panic of the moment?

29:14 - “What else would you hide in a cheetah?” hahahahahaha

29:40 - “No. No. Only if I got the dose wrong.” Yikes. Malcolm is operating in full panic mode here. This is not good for his mental health.

30:08 - “This is the worst cooking show ever.” hahaha this was hilarious but cooking show? What? Do I not watch enough of those? Because I don’t see the link.

30:38 - The moment when Malcolm looks at Dani with fear. He thinks he just killed Chabra and he’s terrified that Dani is looking at him with hatred. :(

30:46 - The two seconds when Malcolm thinks he killed someone. Look at his face. That boy is broken. Again - if he doesn’t have a full on mental breakdown soon I’m going to be so annoyed with the writers because NO HUMAN CAN WITHSTAND THIS MUCH TRAUMA THIS QUICKLY - WITHOUT ANY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT - AND COME OUT FUNCTIONAL.

31:03 - “I do not miss drugs.” :O Dani :( Sweetie <3 Ugh. This line was heartbreaking because it hurts to remember that Dani had a drug problem. But it’s also really great. She was just in front of 1 gram of cocaine. She didn’t grab for it. It didn’t reawaken the urge to use in her. She was strong enough to say “I don’t miss this life” and say it OUT LOUD in front of Malcolm. <3 Friendship. She’s starting to trust Malcolm more. This is good....until she finds out about Endicott.

31:45 - Wait. If Birdie knew about Endicott and Jessica.....does she know about Gil?!?!

31:49 - “Trust but verify.” That’s such a heartbreaking way to live. I hate that she has to live in a world without trust because of what Martin did. I want Jessica to be happy. So so badly.

32:06 - .....how did Jessica find out about the book?!!?! Seriously.

32:17 - “Mummy”. Mrs. Milton is alive?!?! What. OMG. So....but how? Jessica is living in the Milton family home. Jessica is rich. But Birdie has been cut off from the family money. However, it’s clear from this conversation that Jessica and her mother aren’t on speaking terms. So how did this work? When did Jessica move into the Milton family home and why? Where is Jessica’s money coming from? Did Jessica invest her trust fund money smartly and make a fortune? Does Jessica still have access to the Milton family bank accounts?!? AND WHERE IS JESSICA’S DAD?!!? I WANT MORE INFORMATION FEDAK.

32:49 - Malcolm is his mother’s son. Look at this. Jessica is so hurt by what Birdie has done. However, Jessica sighs, takes a breath and helps her little sister out at the cost of causing herself pain. Malcolm would do the exact same for Ainsley. He has.

33:40 - “And do we need to talk about last night?!?” Gil has been different this season. Less soft. More strict.

33:51 - Look at how Gil stares at Dani here. He’s annoyed and concerned. Concerned because she was in close proximity to drugs last night. Annoyed because he created a monster. Gil put together is badass, sarcastic daughter with his unstable, awkward son and they are creating a headache for him.

34:41 - “even for consultants?” hahaha

36:50 - The irony that our killer of the week is a woman who is in pain, feels disfigured, and murders in revenge is so so thick.

37:18 - “It’s enough to drive anyone insane”.....like the emotional pain that Malcolm is currently suffering from?

38:42 - “The best revenge is letting him live like this.” The moment Malcolm realized that Ainsley was manipulating him. Look at the hurt and fear on his little face. :(

39:00 - Ugh. I can’t tell who’s manipulating who in this whole Capshaw+Martin relationship but it’s all gross. I swear if they become romantic I will puke. These two are a psychopathic match made in heaven.

40:08 - I could write essays upon essays about this final scene but I need to sleep. So it’s going into point form without time stamps:

First off - Halston Sage and Tom Payne give us an AMAZING performance in this scene and they deserve an Emmy for it. Seriously.

Look at how Ainsley walks into the room. She’s self-satisfied. She feels no remorse. She’s pleased that Malcolm has been suffering.

Look at how utterly empty Malcolm is when he greets Ainsley. This boy is in shock. He’s so deeply hurt and he just had one of his greatest fears confirmed - Ainsley is like Martin.

“Do you have any idea what you put me through?!?” This. Yes, Malcolm is upset and hurt but there’s a part of me that genuinely thinks this question isn’t rhetorical. There’s a part of me that thinks Malcolm is desperately trying to get Ainsley to admit to feeling remorse so that he can convince himself that his baby sister isn’t gone forever.

“Do you?” Ainsley is mad. She has a right to be. Malcolm did lie to her. He probably should’ve told her the truth. HOWEVER, if Ainsley was a functional adult - she would’ve just confronted Malcolm about it. She has every right to be pissed but her behaviour has been downright petty, juvenile, and cruel.

“Underestimated me. For months.” Is this the root of Ainsley’s anger? She mentioned something similar in 1x6 when Jessica and Malcolm tried to stop her from visiting Martin. She resents Jessica and Malcolm for treating her like a child. For trying to protect her from Martin. On one hand, I understand - that’s probably suffocating and frustrating. On the other hand, Ainsley’s acting like a child so....why wouldn’t they treat her like one?

“I have given up everything for you!! I don’t even know who I am anymore.” This breaks me. Malcolm is screaming through tears. He’s so utterly broken (this doesn’t count as a mental breakdown Fedak....you better give me more). Malcolm is rightfully frustrated that Ainsley doesn’t acknowledge that he literally threw out his moral code to protect her. That when this gets out - his relationship with his only real friends since he was 10 years old (JT and Dani) will probably want nothing to do with him. Malcolm probably thinks that Gil will abandon him WHEN the Endicott thing comes out. Malcolm has thrown his fragile mental health down the drain to protect Ainsley. He thinks he’s a monster. Yes. Malcolm made the choice to protect Ainsley. Ainsley doesn’t have to be grateful. She doesn’t have to respect his decision. But acknowledging that his decision was made out of love would sure help. Malcolm wanted to be a good big brother so badly that he threw away his sense of self.

“Protect me? Or control me?” Wow. Okay. I get it. Ainsley feels controlled which is bad for someone who likes being in control. But Malcolm was never trying to control Ainsley. Malcolm was trying to control a situation. Not a person. Is what Malcolm did right? No, lying to Ainsley wasn’t a great choice. But telling her the truth also wasn’t a great choice. He was damned either way.

“For someone who spent the last few decades trying to recover from being gaslight; it’s ironic how quickly you resorted to it.” Uncalled for. Was Malcolm gaslighting Ainsley? Technically, yes. HOWEVER, one of the main criteria for gaslighting is that the gaslighter is aware that they’re gaslighting someone. I honestly don’t think Malcolm realized he was gaslighting Ainsley - look at his face when she mentions it: he looks heartbroken. BESIDES. How is AINSLEY NOT GASLIGHTING MALCOLM RIGHT NOW?!?! “That’s exactly what Dad would say.” She’s trying to convince Malcolm that he’s just like Martin. She’s made him believe that she murdered a second person. She made him an accomplice to her fake murder. She knowingly continued with this ruse after he came clean and told her the truth. And he was nothing but supportive and protective. Malcolm helped her hide a body. Why is Ainsley playing the victim?!

Look at the torture on Malcolm’s face right before he apologizes to Ainsley for lying to her. This boy is being gaslight and he doesn’t even realize it.

FURTHERMORE I DON’T RECALL AINSLEY APOLOGIZING TO MALCOLM FOR MAKING HIM 1) HIDE A BODY, 2) LIE TO THEIR MOM, 3) LIE TO GIL, 4) AN ACCOMPLICE TO A SECOND (FAKE) MURDER, 5) LYING TO MALCOLM ABOUT THE SECOND MURDER. She just says, “Maybe it was a little over the top.” Come on. No.

“I appreciate that.” SERIOUSLY. Ainsley doesn’t even have the curtesy to say “I’m sorry too.” or “I know you did what you thought was best”?!? Her response feels bitter and angry. She doesn’t forgive Malcolm. She’s still livid despite the fact that her brother is literally breaking apart in front of her. There’s no questioning the genuineness of Malcolm’s apology. That’s sincere pain and remorse.

This whole scene is super disturbing because Malcolm is on the verge of tears. He’s visibly upset. Yet - Ainsley is channeling a quiet, disassociating anger (similar to what she looked like right before she murdered Endicott). She’s completely consumed by anger. She’s not acting rationally and it’s really disconcerting to watch the contrast between the two siblings.

“I had to make sure that you were never going to mess with my head again.” .....you know, a functional adult human (hell, even a half-functional adult human) would just verbally confront their sibling about it. They probably wouldn’t fully trust or forgive their sibling right away but they wouldn’t pull a stunt as cruel and malicious as Ainsley just pulled on Malcolm. The problem with Ainsley’s behaviour vs. Malcolm’s is this: Ainsley is intentionally hurting Malcolm out of anger. Ainsley wants revenge. Malcolm reacted out of fear and panic to protect Ainsley. Malcolm just wants to be a good big brother. Neither of them are perfectly in the right but Ainsley is so so so out of line.

“You need to lighten up. We got away with it.” Ainsley is a serial killer. Say it from the rooftops. This is the first time she’s shown an emotion other than anger/disassociation all episode. Ainsley is happy that they got away with it. Malcolm is crumpling under the guilt and grief but Ainsley is happy.

“No one does this murder stuff better than us.” Holy shit. I can’t. Malcolm looks so so so heartbroken here. He just realized that his sister is gone forever. AND AINSLEY damn. This girl needs some serious help. She’s going to kill again. She liked it the first time. I bet you she slaughtered the pig just to get her fix. She could’ve boughten the pig’s blood from a butcher shop or something but I bet you she killed the pig herself. And I bet you she liked it.

Hoxley is a flamboyant gay and a cocky profiler. That’s just a fact.

I can’t. Alan Cummings will always be the villain from Spy Kids to me. I don’t know how I’m going to take Hoxley seriously.

Yoooooo Endicott’s head is creepy af.

Damn. This isn’t good. Hoxley is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. I can feel it.

Okay. I loved this episode. I have a lot of feelings about it (obviously). I’m so bitter that we have to wait until April 13th for the next episode. See you guys next time. If you read this far - thanks for hanging out.

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mira--mira · 3 years

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Question from an aspiring writer:

How do you stay motivated on one project for such a long time?

I personally have the attention span of a goldfish, and whenever I have an idea I either have to write down everything my brain can spew immediately or have it be lost in the void for eternity.

Never mind going back and turning my outline into a fic or gasp editing.

Do you have any tips and/or tricks you use?

Ok, I got completely carried away with this just fyi, but hopefully I ended up answering your actual question 😂 tl;dr at the bottom.

To be honest, staying motivated is a tricky thing, one that I feel I'm still learning how to do even now and varies a bit between shortfics/oneshots and multi-chaptered fics/longfics. For a bit of background, I've been writing fanfic for about a year and a half, but I've been writing original fiction since I was seven, over a decade and a half, and I still wrestle with it. It's definitely a learning process.

One thing I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out was the power of ~scenes~ in either multi-chapters or one-shots. All writing is ultimately made up of scenes, but if you're struggling to put things together, focusing on an individual scene, or multiple short scenes, might help you focus on getting something completed, and it's something that eventually can be applied to longer works as well. Writing has been a snowball process for me and once I started getting anything completed, I felt more secure in knowing what I could write comfortably and what was out of my comfort zone, eventually getting to the point where I felt comfortable tackling bigger and longer projects and knowing I could stay with them.

OoT's interlude chapters and the snippet series are both good examples of scenes because I wrote them with that intention...even if most of them are actually two or three scenes combined. "Gai meets Hashirama and Madara", "Hashirama gets revenge on Kakashi", "Tatsuki and Hashirama pick flowers for Madara, then give them to him" etc. were all my starting points.

If you're first starting out and feel comfortable with outlines of some sort before you start writing I would encourage you to try and write down a bullet point list of your scene(s) and what you know you want to happen in it.

"Gai meets Hashirama and Madara"

* Hashirama meets Gai first, mistakes him for Lee.

* Madara is shopping for a gift for Hashirama

* Madara finds Gai and Hashirama, they spar, Gai kicks his ass, both of them love him.

This is how my initial outline looked for the first interlude chapter, technically each one of these "points" are their own scenes stuck together. Outlining is different for everyone, some people like super specific points, others even less detail than this. For me this is a nice middle that gives me a roadmap for the chapter, but allows plenty of room to naturally diverge and add detail. Play around with outlines and see what you're comfortable with/what gives you the best results.

I'm not sure of your individual situation, but if you're struggling to put together fics in general something like this might help. Doing this process again and again personally helps me stay on track and gives me a sense of progress.

This sense of progress is ultimately key and why I think motivation differs slightly between one-shots/short fics and longfics. If you confine the individual scene to a one-shot, that might give you the motivation to complete it. Even if you start writing and you get interrupted/can't finish having in one setting, bullet points sometimes help inspire me to finish because I'm not starting from scratch when I return to writing. The whole "eat an elephant one piece at a time" thing was difficult for me to learn, but ultimately proved true. Learning to chip away at something bit by bit is going to be the only (healthy) way to write longer projects you can't complete in one sitting.

For longer projects, it's a similar beast just on bigger levels and with an added dimension. I would actually suggest something similar to OoT for a starting project because it is ultimately broken up into arcs that you know and can reference, instead of making a lot of og content for a fan setting. Maybe not go into it thinking, 'I'll do a complete rewrite' but once you feel like you're ready for a longer project 30K+ or so, the rough outline method and the ability to follow arcs was what got me started when I eventually decided to make the fic multi-chaptered. Try writing one arc and keep yourself contained in that. Now the added dimension aspect in general for longfics is that you eventually want to plot individual chapters in a multi-chaptered longfic and individual arcs (character, plot, etc). This comes with practice. I honestly don't think there's a way to get around that. It's something that I'm still trying to work on and I can look back at my early work and see how I've improved, how I can recognize where things didn't go well in certain places, and how I would change them if I was writing today. That's a good thing to be able to do, it means you've grown! The other thing I find that helps with staying motivated week after week for longer projects is to roughly know where you're going and to try to be excited about a plot point/scene/chapter/etc that you're going to write. Really try to hype yourself up. For me, it's a moment that comes at the very end of the chunin arc and I start grinning even thinking about it because I know it's going to be awesome. It's always what gets me through the rough days, imagining the moment I'll get to actually write that scene in its entirety (it's definitely already outlined and I mentally play it out at least twice a week lol) and is a big motivating drive.

So far I think this is pretty standard stuff if you're an outliner and you've been writing for a few years, but the other thing motivational-wise for me is having a schedule. From reading this message alone, I would not suggest it for you right away. Get comfortable finishing small things and feeling confident that if you let an idea sit for a week or two, you can pick it back up and continue. But if you eventually dip your toes into longfics (and don't plan to pre-write everything before you publish) that routine and rhythm really helps keep me going. I've made a commitment, I've posted it online, I'm going to stick to it. No one is going to jump down my throat if I fail to keep it (this is still a hobby and having fun is the most important thing) but in my mind I should commit to it unless something irl prevents me from doing so. Don't put a tight deadline on yourself, I'd start with once a month or if you write shorter chapters every three weeks. This also would help you build up and get a readership, interaction being another big motivational key.

Also, it's important to accept that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and when you feel completely demotivated from a fanfic project...it's okay to drop it. It's okay to take a step back and work on something else. Maybe you'll come back to it, maybe you won't. If you can, try to pinpoint what it was about that project that made you demotivated, were you pushing yourself too much and you got burnt out, was it an ongoing series and your interest for canon lagged and so did the fic, was it just too stressful to keep juggling plotpoints, etc. and keep that in mind moving forward. Every experience can be a learning one and eventually make you a better writer that can eventually tackle those bigger projects. Don't be afraid to take on big aspirational projects, but don't walk into them blind either. Above all, and this is repeated a lot because it's true, enjoy what you write. Some days you might not. That's true with anything, but any project you take on the good should outweigh the bad.

This is my wrap up of the motivational section but I also wanted to throw my two-cents in about editing because "oh no editing" is a perspective I've seen from a lot of writers, and used to have myself, but I think is going to stifle your progress in the long run.

Here's the thing: you need to look forward to editing.

You don't have to be jumping for joy, but editing, imo, should be a positive thing. You have all these great ideas, you made it into a fic, something you wrote, and now you get to go back and make it even better! This is a tough attitude to adopt. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It took me a long time to unlearn the negative attitude and even then sometimes I still wish the editing was already done once I type in the last period. But I've learned to at least appreciate what editing does and I try to think to myself as I'm going through and making changes things like "wow, this suddenly became so much better. X plot point that I thought of ten pages from now is suddenly being hinted at and doesn't come out of left field. The transition points are a lot cleaner, it's not so jarring anymore. I bet the readers are going to love this little detail. Here's some foreshadowing that I hope someone picks up bc it's going to come back in like 5 chapters from now" it's hard, especially when you start, but this is something you made, and now are actively making better and that's something to celebrate.

I hope this helps anon! I know it's a lot and I'm by no means an expert but I've been doing this for more than a decade because I love it and I want to help others get into writing to! I have no problem answering any writing questions you may have if you find this helpful!

tl;dr

-motivation is slightly different between short/long fics.

-starting out, learn to outline by scenes and focus on finishing small projects and getting to a point where you feel like you can put something down and come back and pick it up again in a week. Completion is key and will help you feel satisfied/know your limits.

-long projects also can work on the scene-to-scene outline but now with individual chapters and individual arcs. It's tough to balance both but comes with practice. Bit-by-bit is key, as is having 'one moment you can't wait to write', possibly a schedule if it works for you, and reader feedback are all huge long-term motivational points.

-editing is tough but learn to look forward to it instead of dreading it.

edited: added a bit more/few typos fixed

#asks #anon #writing advice #god i hope this is understandable #long post

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blueprint-han · 3 years

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Dawn do u have any advice for people starting skz writing blogs?

Oh! I definitely do! I’ll put them under the cut uwu <3 These are all tips I wish I knew, ranging from garnering readers to how to deal with other happenings. <3

!!!; this is a fairly long post! also, I am no way qualified enough to be giving advice, these are just things I've learnt in my term of experience.

#1: Write what you want to see on this platform, basically build a niche for yourself.

So this is a pretty obvious and often said point, but write what you want to, and when you want to. If it's domestic AUs that you're the most comfortable with, write that! Of course, you can dabble into new genres to discover what your other interests are, but don't for yourself to write something just because it's a popular topic. When people find a fic of yours that they like, they'll most likely go to your blog expecting the same kind of stuff. <3

#2: Develop your own distinct style, be it in your blog, in your writing in your layout, etc.

Make your blog's aesthetic/layout as distinct as possible, so that it's identifiable. This just gives a sense of uniqueness to your blog, which oft attracts readers. Ofc by this, I don't mean you need to be a master at photoshop/editing to create amazing aesthetics — you can just use simple elements and blend them together in a way that stands out well. Personally, if I'm to be honest, aesthetics, general neatness means a lot to me. I usually wish for a blog to be de-cluttered have a good and efficient way of navigation without having to search through or dig in a lot myself.

#3: Use tags! On all of your posts.

Like I said in the previous section, I wish for a new blog I'm going through to have a good and efficient way of navigation. Use tags, not just on your writing, but all your posts. This can facilitate easier viewing of same posts grouped under one tag, plus if someone prefers to not view something in particular, they can choose not to by blacklisting. Untagged posts are honestly a huge pet peeve of mine dihfuyrharieuhr. That being said, use the correct tags on your post! This post has a good note on how to garner readers as well as tagging.

#5: It takes time for you to gain attention for your work, and it takes time for your writing style to develop into something unique.

This is honestly something I wish I knew when I started writing. I'd see all these blogs get so much interaction and anons and notes on their writing, and while I was happy for them, it made me feel insecure that maybe I wasn't as good enough for them...? fast forward to six months later, I had nearly the same amount of interaction as they did. So it's really all about working towards your way to create a distinct writing style, all whilst improving yourself. Don't be demotivated when you don't get interaction at first, because it takes time for your style to be recognizable and it takes a while to improve, so as and when you write, you'll get better and better! <3

#6: Interact with other writers' writings!

This is also something I wish I knew. interacting with other writers is a way to make new friends, plus give your blog some exposure. of course, that's different from clearly exploiting a blog's status for follows. Make friends with other writers, and reblog their writings (ofc, only if you read them and you liked them, don't force yourself to)! 99% of the time, whenever someone leaves feedback on my writing, I check their blog, and if their writing is something I like, then I follow them! So yeah, this site literally thrives off interactivity, so don't be afraid to interact with writers!

#7: When you're posting your writings, make them clean to look. They should be pleasant to the eye.

What I mean by this is that your layout should not be too compact, hard to read, or straight up painful to look at. Don't use those 𝓈𝓌𝒾𝓇𝓁𝓎 ass fonts, because half the time, they won't render on most devices, and they're often horrible to look at + impossible to read for someone who uses a screen reader. Don't use tinie font on your posts for the same reason.

And! Banners! They're a great addition to a fic, and make it attractive to look. I can't tell you how much a good, well made banner can affect my view on whether I want to read the fic or not. However, i have some negative points about it too. Don't make banners if you don't know how to, only for the sake of making them. This doesn't mean you shouldn't experiment, hell, my first banners were total crap. It of course takes time to learn editing (provided you have an interest in it), but my point is: a banner is used to attract attention to your fic, yet if you have a bad-looking banner, bad layout, bad presentation, (coming from me) I tend to not want to read the fic.

I think a lot of people don't tell new writers that layouts are very important. Most of the stuff is covered in that post I liked, but having a distinct, unique, neat (emphasis on neat — you don't need fancy banners and fonts, just make sure it's not painful to look at) layout really helps. Don't use overly contrasting color combos like this and make sure it is neat, and pleasant to look at. You want to attract attention to your fic, not make it hard to read. While banners and aesthetic photos are not very important, a neat lay!!!!!!out is very essential, to increase your reader count and actually ensure that your fic is readable.

#8: Just know that the number of notes your fic gets is all in your luck.

Just because you get less notes doesn't mean you're any less of a writer! Hell, I know so many phenomenal writers that deserve so many more notes. Your note count can depend on several factors, including (but not limited to) your posts not showing up in the tags, the genre you've written is not a very popular genre (that doesn't mean you shouldn't write it! There will be biases towards genres in the fandom, but write what you want), or the fact that this site is often treated like instagram. So if you get less notes on a fic, don't be demotivated! You have every right to ask for more interaction on your fics from your followers, but don't let it think you're any less of a writer.

That's it! If you have any specific doubts, feel free to send another ask, or a dm! <3

#dawn.replies #anons 🌁#❔#writing resources

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retvenkos · 3 years

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anyways i guess i'm a portwell stan now (enemies to lovers/best friends brother/make each other better trope & troy and gabriella parallels my beloved)

and i'm also exasperated at the writers at ricky's path this season. and the writers in general.

i just. want miss jenn and mr mazzara to get together this season and ej and gina to be happy, if that's too much to ask for.

AND WHY DOES THERE HAVE TO BE SO MANY LOVE TRIANGLES????

nobody wants it, they're not needed- all this season has been about romance, with a few crumbs of musical theatre, and it's not what i signed up for! i want more friendship moments between kourtney and seb, and i want more of the dorky improv games.

let the kids be kids.

the north high rivalry is getting unrealistically annoying. if anything, the theatre community is supportive of each other (i'm in a performing arts school, i should know lmbo)

ricky's parents' divorce plot was completely thrown out the window.

nobody wanted the redlyn angst.

why is carlos being kinda mean?

this whole has season has been a mess, and the only people carrying the show on their backs now is ej, gina, mr. mazzara and howie's rendition of "if i can't love her".

i'm so sorry for vomiting this all over you, i just felt this show is going downhill- kinda like glee.

dfghjdsfghjhgfdsdfghjhgfd,,, i haven't watched glee but i know enough about it to know that was a sick burn, cass. i love it.

and omg,,,,, do i have thoughts™. let's unpack them, shall we?

i agree that this season has been..... a lot™. it’s just a cluster of half-baked plot points that are strung together really losely. i feel like they should have scaled back on some of their ambitions.

namely, the north high rivalry is really bland and unnecessary. the only good things to come out of it is howie, the song around you, and the stunning location (i mean, art deco ogden high? count me in). you could take out the menkies entirely and so little would change to the overall story. i’d argue the story could have been even better without it because.... big shock..... we could focus on the characters.

because, truly, they’re trying to tackle too many things at once. whatever angst is happening with carlos and seb is the worst developed plot point we’ve had to suffer through. carlos says “does chip have any big scenes?” and it’s the catalyst for a fight? then we have them split for spring break and it’s just snippets of them fighting? literally, there’s zero reason for seb and carlos to fight - their dynamic is cute but it’s background chatter when you have whatever the hell is happening with ricky, nini, ej, and gina front and center. there was no reason to make then fight and it doesn’t add to their development, it isn’t well executed, and it isn’t particularly interesting. just let them be happy?

and i feel like that’s such a running theme for all of the side relationships? like you said - redlyn didn’t really need angst? i feel like the whole “career day” arc was well done and was compelling (but maybe that’s just because i had a friend who went through the same thing as red, so i’m sympathetic to it), but whatever went on with antoine and ashlyn was just.... really unnecessary? it didn’t add anything? maybe they’ll be revisiting the plot point, but as it stands right now, it was just really random to add in, and perhaps if i were more invested with north high, i would appreciate it more. but they’re.... so inconsequential.

and now we get to talk about one of my biggest gripes,,,,,,, ricky’s parents’ divorce. listen, i thought it was well developed in season one. it had importance. it affected ricky. it affected the plot. it raised the stakes. now it’s just underdeveloped. we’ve barely seen ricky’s homelife, given the sheer amount of plot points the show is juggling, and since ricky has mainly had negative scenes through the totality of the season, viewers aren’t really interested in seeing how the crumbs of his tumultuous homelife are affecting his behavior (which is kind of important, seeing as it accounts for the degradation of his character).

ricky is going through a lot this season, and i feel like the main reason why people are so upset with him is because the writers leaned into his sad boi™ status. maybe it’s because the screentime is so divided and the stakes are higher, or because the writers really just got rid of all of ricky’s personality, but ricky has had two personality traits this season - sad clingy boi and bitter, passive aggressive boi.

now, these personality appeared in season one - quite a lot, actually - but because it was framed between light hearted moments and exploration of his conflicts, it was palatable and understandable. viewers understood why ricky was so desperately clinging onto the past and resisted change so much. we saw the tempest he was in! we had moments where friends like big red or even gina mentioned it. his reactions had merit because the viewer saw the buildup!

this season, we have not had that. we see ricky’s dad trying to do his best with moving out, and with trying to move on, and we see ricky’s mom trying to do the same, and this is all strong for them, but when ricky can’t move on, and we see less of the struggle that ricky feels, we become disenchanted. ricky has stagnated, and we see everyone else moving on, and we do not focus on hat influences ricky to stop dead in his tracks.

what’s worse is that the writers have ricky blow up so much more than last season, when we see less reasoning, and when he mentions how his parent’s divorce is a main reason for his angst, we really have no basis for that - except for what we saw in season 1. season 1 isn’t enough anymore, though, because ricky’s dad has moved on! so has ricky’s mom!

i’m just scREAMING because ricky’s story is important and it was done well in season 1 and now the writers are losing ricky in the crossfire and pulling out the most degraded, negative traits of his character and running with them.

where is the ricky bowen i love and miss????

and lol, i’ve spoken so much about north high already, but i agree 10000% that it’s just getting out of hand. it’s just so not realistic. the rivalries aren’t like this,,,, someone please make it stop. they north high kids are also just so underdeveloped? the only exception is howie, and we didn’t even know he was a north high kid for half of the show,,,,,, (which, imo, should have been built up much better. kourtney said they never hung out with his friends, but we should have seen that so the mystery was more fulfilling. we should have also gotten hints he was in theatre - maybe kourtney hears him sing beauty and the beast, and she thinks it’s vvv cute, and she asks him he didn’t try out, and howie has to do some mental gymnastics to come up with a decent lie.)

there’s so much poor or just underdeveloped writing in this season,,,, i’m crying.

even gina (my beloved) is the subject of poor writing because literally what happened between her and ricky? she was so emotionally involved she was about to leave, and then she suddenly decides to stay? and she suddenly just ignores ricky? girl worked through all of that off camera and while it’s not bad per se, it’s just lazy. they just underdeveloped that entire story.

the only one who has really shined this season is ej, and that’s just... really out of left field, but i’m not complaining.

and, i mean, i could talk about my earlier gripes with nini, but i see that they’re making narrative sense, now that the show has progressed a little further. i just wish she had stayed at yac longer, or we had seen more of her, there, so that when she says “she liked who she was [at yac],” we would have more basis for that. and i kinda wish we saw more of her sans boy drama, but i’m sure that’s coming.

and the love triangles,,,,, don’t get me started. rina didn’t have to be angsty or happen at all,,,, they could have just been friends and it would have had the same effect. don’t believe me? they’re friends and they lean on each other, but then nini comes into the picture and ricky just wants to be with nini all the time. he starts to really blow gina off and gina wonders if they were ever friends at all, or if she was just a cardboard cut out that ricky projected nini onto. the angst happens, gina realizes she has friends with carlos, she has that moment with ashlyn that gets fixed, then gina gets close to ej,,,,, literally no difference.

and lol, mr. mazzara. i think he and miss jenn are vvv cute together - definitely my favorite out of the miss jenn romances. i love a good slow burn, so i’m willing to wait for an eternity to have it. i just think they’re neat.

#asks #mutuals #hsmtmts spoilers #spoilers #long post #listen cass you didn't ask for this but also you asked for this

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t-lostinworlds · 3 years

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helloooo T <333 i wanna make a series and am wondering if you have any tips?? I have like a vague idea of what I'm doing and have the title and a synopsis but not... much. secondly, (😭) I also wanna do what you've done where you write all of it down? like all the chapters? then post ! or maybe write half, then post probably weekly whilst I'm writing the rest kinda thing. much love if you help <333 wondering how you've gone about with your series too 💞💕💗

hello love! <3 and gosh i'll try to be as thorough as possible but my goodness series are a curse of mine bc 98% of the series i've done is either collecting dust in the my WIPs (ahem mob!tom i'm sorry i'll get back to you soon bby i promise laklkas) unfinished, not updated in years, or full stop discontinued so asdfghjkl anyhow i'm gonna put a cut bc i talk a lot and also! i'm gonna put Revenge Is Sweet as an example even though technically that was a bit easier bc its an smau but i basically planned them the same way so spoilers ahead if you haven't read the series asdfghjkl:

so first off, when it comes to series each writer is definitely different but me, i heavily. plan. everything. so i say get a scope of where you want the characters to go and what journey you want to take them. whether it's a start and a very rough middle and end. so long as you know where you're going even if it's not final yet. it's a rough draft. changes will be made in the process but at least you have an idea of the direction you're going so you don't get lost down the line.

most of the time i try and see roughly how many parts i want to make it into. and then as you go through and write, if you feel like you need more parts or need to add something in between some parts then add more parts. that's why for me, i can not do the write as we go thing where i post the first part here and then see where it will take me. bc i want to make each part as cohesive as possible so i need to have at least the basics written down, places, dates, years, events and i can only do that if i have most of the series already planned out from prologue to epilogue.

here's an example on how i basically roughly planned Revenge Is Sweet--

i'll start with the characters where i basically wrote down some personalities to make them different from each other:

p.s. i didn't include oliver bc it basicaly says *asshole* alskaslk i'm kidding but not really. also ignore the asher name lmao that was suppose to be ashton's name but

and as for the parts, when i say vaguely write stuff down, i really mean vaguely write stuff down:

so that's basically what i mean when i say at least get a scope of where you want to go. doesn’t matter if it’s vague, simple or not groundbreaking at all. because then you can come back to it later and tweak some stuff, change some scenes, add more scenes and even some dialogue and such.

as for posting, that really depend on what you’re most comfortable with. if you’re comfortable with posting one part and then writing the next one after then go for it. bc at least now you have an idea on where you’re going so it wouldn’t be too hard as you write.

but for me personally:

i’d rather have at least 80% or like you said, half of the series written down. and by written down i really mean like it needs at least one or two more proof reads simply to polish things up. like Prologue to Part 6 of my mob!tom series are each at least 10k words already and ready to go. because sometimes when i write a series, some parts inspire ideas that are great for another part. for example, i’ll be well underway writing Part 6 but then i get an idea that would improve Part 2 or i’ll add a certain character tick which wouldn’t make sense if they only did it on one part but not at the start. but when i have that part already up and posted then...i can’t do anything to change it anymore.

me as a writer, i am constantly changing and improving and tweaking so if i can hold onto all the parts to improve them as much as i can until i’m happy with it then i will. and i also want to add hints and foreshadowing and all little easter eggs may it be a little dialogue etc.

but also, as i’ve said at the beginning i haven’t finished a series ever. from way back when i was writing for one direction. yes, i’m that much of a fossil with writing alskalk. so for me, having at least most of the series done would guarantee that i have a consistent posting schedule. and i do agree with what you said, posting weekly while you write the other parts so the pressure wouldn’t be too hard on missing updates.

but gosh, i just gave you a full blown essay anon lakslaks but yeah! that’s much of all the tips i can give to you. but also, enjoy it really as cheesy as the sounds. write the series because you want to get lost in it first and foremost. like be in your own world and don’t think about outer circumstances. and then once you’ve had that journey relieve it again when you start posting.

and please! ask any questions you want, my inbox is always open. and i’ll answer them to the best of my abilities.

hope this helped!! <3

#i copy and pasted this on word and bruh how have i managed to babble on for almost 1k words asdfghjkl #anyways! i hope you're series does well love!#much love and good luck!!#**your #see i can't make fun of tom bc i too am illiterate asdfghjkl #answered: anon #answered asks #writing #writing help

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hopevalley · 3 years

Text

Season 8, Episode 8: A Parade and a Charade

A lot happened in this last episode so there’s plenty to discuss! I’ll try to keep my thoughts...a manageable length. :)

Plotlines:

The Christopher Report

Triangle Tribulations

Bill’s Wounded Pride

Miscellaneous Stuff (FloYo, The Canfields, Dress Shop, Jesse, Infirmary)

This episode has been a little different from the others this season in that we had two pretty big plotlines going on, one medium-sized one, and a bunch of small flickers of plots. Things still managed to flow together pretty well over all, though, I think, but it was a shift I felt was noticeable.

For what it’s worth I mostly enjoyed this episode. There were a few little nitpicks (as usual) but I’ve really been feeling this season that we have a good batch of actors that work really well together and that’s been nice to see.

The Christopher Report

Mr. Christopher Hughes, resident Bad Boy™ and the object of Rachel’s immense and expansive Thirst™...

I’m sure his character arc is going to match that of the average Adopted Child. That is to say, I feel that his arc will follow the same patterns that characters of his archetype usually do. He hates his biological parent who abandons him but becomes curious against his better judgment. He meets his biological father and feels anger/resentment at first, but there’s something there that feels Human and he can’t ignore it. Over time he starts to care, again against his better judgment. In Christopher’s case, it seems likely that the original reason for striking up a relationship will present itself later in the story (perhaps not this season, but next); it won’t be a wholesome attempt to connect, but rather an intent to bamboozle.

Remember Rosemary’s words from earlier: she knows a performance when she sees one. But we’ll get to that.

It’s a good idea for a storyline, and I have some faith in the payoff being worth it if we keep the same head writer for next season. This is the kind of thing best explored over a period of time and they’re doing well with the pacing.

This episode, we first see Christopher when he surprises Rachel at the dress shop.

He mentions they haven’t taken in the sights in town yet, and Rosemary overhears from the back room. She asks him what sights and he switches his story to saying that he was thinking that Rosemary and Lee could take both he and Rachel around town and show them everything. Rosemary says it’s a great idea and of cOURSE they can do that! As soon as Christopher is gone, Rosemary starts lecturing Rachel on the type of freedom she’s trying to experience in Hope Valley. She pretty much says she and Lee don’t approve of Christopher while Rachel ignores her and sneaks out the back door.

The very next scene Christopher surprises Rachel again, but this time with a, uh...hands on approach.

He tells her he’s not afraid of her aunt or uncle, and she says she knows he’s not afraid of Lee because she saw him steal his pocketwatch when he arrived in town. He’s surprised that she didn’t say anything and he calls her “a little sneak.” She starts throwing things at him playfully and he asks, “You’re not afraid of me?” She says she isn’t and he tells her he’s as gentle as a lamb.

She says she doubts that, and he walks through the fire of her throwing hats (or whatever they are) at him and grabs her wrists. She takes the opportunity to kiss him and he laughs. They’re broken up by the sound of people coming closer so he tells her he’ll come to her house tonight and to listen for a sound at her window.

In the next scene, Henry walks into Nathan’s office where Bill seems to be...assisting Nathan? That’s my best guess as to what’s going on. Bill strikes up a conversation with Henry and Henry says they could have gotten drinks to chat if that’s what Bill wanted (it seems very Small Talky but Bill ain’t that kind of man). In fact, Bill destroys the peaceful atmosphere instantly and makes it clear that this is a business discussion, and his questions were business-related.

If I was a bettin’ man I’d wager that Bill will piece together some problems in Hamilton with Christopher, but eh, let’s not overextend my brain just yet.

Bill’s first and only real question is to ask when Christopher arrived in town but Henry gets upset and says Bill just wants to blame someone. I’m surprised Henry didn’t mention the bad blood between him and Bill leading to this, but I’m pretty sure that’ll be coming in the future. Nathan comes in and says nobody’s accusing anyone, they just turned up at the same time so they have to check everything.

Later, Christopher runs out of Henry’s office and to the infirmary yelling for help. Henry was having trouble breathing and he got dizzy. There’s a big commotion about it and Faith tells Christopher that his father has very high blood pressure and they’ve been struggling to get it under control.

Christopher hones in on Lucas and goes after him for hiring Henry back even though he knew he shouldn’t be working. Bill intervenes and stops Christopher from getting too close to Lucas.

(Aside: I haven’t lost hope that they’ll do something with Bill and Christopher, at least from the angle of Bill having raised Christopher’s (dead) half-brother (which means Henry abandoned two women and two children straight-up), but I am starting to think it won’t happen this season.)

Around dinnertime, Henry talks with Carson and is in a good mood. When Carson asks why he’s had a sudden change of heart with wanting to get better (health-wise), he says Christopher called him “Dad” when he was worried about him, and it makes him want to do better because it means Christopher cares about him.

Y’all...that scene was so good. But. BUT. I feel like Henry has a big storm comin’ as it relates to Christopher. I just hope Henry’s self-improvements don’t backslide when he inevitably ends up disappointed in Christopher for one reason or another.

Outside, Christopher is sitting on the steps of Dottie’s Apparel across the way from the café and Rachel approaches him. She asks why he didn’t come to see her and he gets sassy about it, but she actually seems to understand exactly what he’s going through and calls him out excessively gently about it. I don’t like her instant attachment to Christopher but they’re young and dumb and at least she seems to Get Him.

She tells him that he’s not having dinner with his dad because he’s scared—scared of getting close to him, scared of feeling an attachment to him. The only way to protect himself from that attachment, and from the inevitable loss that you will one day experience in regards to them, is to not let it form in the first place.

He asks her what the solution is and she says he needs to take a chance. And then she ruins it by saying “Like when you stole Uncle Lee’s watch.” ?????? This is definitely some Into Bad Boys Teenage Girl Logic right there. There is literally no connection.

She gives him his handkerchief back and when he mentions it still has her lipstick on it, she says, “I know.” THIS GIRL IS TRYING TO GET HER A MAN AND SHE IS TRYING VERY HARD. I wouldn’t be surprised if these were things she read about in her tame bodice ripper novels though LMAO.

They then share a kiss and he promises to come and see her the next day at the store.

Rosemary and Lee mention to Elizabeth that Rachel’s mom wants her to come back home right away, and the next morning Rachel confides in Rosemary that she’s afraid that once she’s back in Bellingham she won’t ever be allowed to return to Hope Valley. Rosemary explains to her that she shouldn’t worry about that; leave it all up to her instead.

Christopher is busy working, digging a trench. He’s getting out some of his frustration and anger by doing this and Lucas seems a bit annoyed by him but otherwise accepting of his, uh, issues. At least...for now. Lucas seems to have come up to the worksite to suggest Christopher spend more time with Henry, as he feels bad that he didn’t realize Henry’s health was actually as bad as it was.

But Christopher won’t go and just keeps angrily digging his ditch, and in fact he’s so consumed by this he doesn’t notice when Rachel leaves town. When he’s on break, he comes back into town only to find that the store is locked up for the day.

Seeing as how Rachel just found out the night before that she was leaving town, I think it’s plausible to imagine that...he doesn’t know she’s actually Gone. I almost feel bad for him.

Honestly, this young man is a whiz of an actor. He’s likable in that Fun Character kind of way where you never know if you should root for him or not. I’m not the type of person who generally likes characters like this, but color me intrigued. This show rarely has interesting characters in it that get to remain interesting. I hope Christopher gets to develop for the next couple of seasons if indeed they choose to keep him around. The guy can act! He plays funny, slimy, rude, arrogant, emotional, and even twitterpated really well, and he ain’t afraid to get dirty to sell the part. I respect that.

Can I just say how sorry for Henry I feel though, knowing—or at least feeling—that he will be blindsided in the near future with Christopher’s uh...faults? Woof.

Triangle Tribulations

There’s a huge part of me that doesn’t even want to discuss this. I just want to say, “That’s a yikes from me, Chief” and move on to the next point. It seems easier. And less awkward. And also...let’s be honest: I have no horse in this race.

I don’t care that much about Elizabeth as a character, and I care even less about what gentleman she might choose to set her sights on in the long run.

But it’s become the central talking point of the show, so let’s discuss it!

Three years is a perfectly acceptable mourning period, but I think the show’s inability to hold its horses these last couple of years is just now catching up to it in the worst way. It puts Elizabeth in this awkward position where she has men interested in her and the show has framed her as being ready ish to move on, but then a new writer stepped in and was told to make sure the triangle lasted through most of the 8th season. How can he make it last when things have been set up for her to move on? Uhh, quick! Come up with something!

Oh, realism! She’s not actually ready to move on!

I mean, I don’t blame John Tinker for this. I blame the writer for S6 and S7 that rushed through the storytelling and gave us...whatever that was, where two men showed up out of nowhere and both set eyes on Elizabeth. I blame the marketing that made sure to sell S6 and S7 for the love triangle instead of the family-friendly or heartwarming elements of the story. It’s really sad that the triangle has come to...this. It didn’t have to. If they hadn’t tried making it a central point in S6 (literally months after Jack died when nobody was ready to really move on and nobody felt that Elizabeth would be ready, either) I don’t think things would be so awful, but it’s too late to go back, now.

Don’t get me wrong, the triangle feels pretty good this season. It’s tense. It’s interesting. Lucas really has shone in this season thus far (instead of coming across as creepy as he sometimes did for the first two seasons he was in), and Nathan is learning to be a little more...forthcoming with his feelings. I guess.

But it should have been S7. S7 should have had this level of care put into it for the triangle so that S8 was a chance for the choice to get some air.

Anyway, I’m not happy with it. I’m glad it’s almost over. I just want it to end. I do not care who the choice is, I just want her to choose.

In this episode, she confronted Nathan right out of the gate, and he wasn’t exactly pleased about it. She acts like he went into the adoption ceremony knowing damn well what Allie had done, but he insists he didn’t know and seems a bit hurt that Elizabeth would accuse him of being mean to her when he tells her that Allie’s list didn’t even have her on it.

Elizabeth later mentions this as a truth (the list, her name not being on it), so I don’t know what we’re supposed to think here. I’m gonna go with: her feelings were hurt and she lashed out.

Nathan’s temper is apparently done with Lucas, as he tells him to Save It at the end of the scene. I want to say I’m living for it but Lucas hasn’t really...done anything wrong, so...it feels misplaced.

(I want to say something about the fans being divided and this feeling more like fanservice/an attempt to stir the pot than anything that makes any sense.)

Elizabeth goes on to spend a little time with Lucas and it was very cool to see his office for the first time ever! Also, “pardon my French” was actually pretty funny here.

Nathan wants to talk to Allie about the adoption ceremony catastrophe but is called away before they can sit down and talk, which Allie is...sad about...for some reason? I guess even if it’s negative attention it’s better than no attention? That seems in line with her age. Elizabeth comments to Lucas about feeling sorry for Allie and wanting to comfort her, but in my opinion this is kind of misplaced and Lucas points out that he doesn’t mind her sharing a friendship with Nathan, but that...he doesn’t think Nathan will settle for it.

I’d probably be against Lucas on this matter but I already know that Lucas is right. Elizabeth seems to not to want to believe that but...I dunno. Part of the problem is that in a town this size, it’s really hard to have space. She wants to forget Nathan and focus on Lucas, but she’s constantly seeing both Allie and Nathan, and that makes it hard.

Around dinnertime she goes to Lucas’s office and he begs off dinner because he’s just not in a good state of mind after the whole thing with Henry, and he also seems like he’s had a few drinks. She offers to let him sit with her and it’s...uh...very cozy (probably the closest two bodies have ever been to one another on this show, hahaha).

He says he doesn’t want to be impatient and that she should leave. Which she does.

Fanning herself.

The next morning, Nathan approaches Lucas at the oil derricks to tell him that he hasn’t given up on Elizabeth just yet, to which...Lucas says he can do whatever he wants, but he needs to make sure he has the best interests of Allie and Elizabeth in mind, not his own. Nathan tries to say something else to him and Lucas says, “Save it.”

Which is fair and valid. I’d respect it more if Nathan’s “save it” had felt more believable earlier, though.

Either way, I’m at a point in this series where I’m starting to think Nathan’s just being selfish. His writing took an absolute beating in this episode and this isn’t even the worst part!

Allie invites Elizabeth to dinner. I hated this scene mostly because I think it will only make the hatred for Allie worse. Team Lucas fans tend to hate her because she acts so unreasonably and this scene was the worst example of it so far. She’s a young teenage girl (13/14 years old I’d guess) but this childish illustration card? Is something a 9 year old might pull (circumstances considered).

I’d find it more plausible if we just had more time with Allie, but we get so little and everything we’ve been getting hasn’t felt...quite right to me lately. I could understand the whole “inviting only Elizabeth and Nathan” because that’s actually quite clever of her, and even funny. She’s young and doesn’t understand the...bigger picture, or the Adult Feelings involved. I’m fine with it. But this? Oh please. They’re not doing Allie any favors.

I think she could have done something else that was more in line with her age. It could still be cringey, but not...like this. I’m certain it was meant to be a sassy response to being scolded because neither of them were aware they were the only ones invited (and Allie’s hand-drawn invitation makes it clear they’re the only two invited lol), but...eh.

The very next scene is Elizabeth confronting Nathan, though, which I do appreciate. This thing with Allie is so far out of hand by this point that he needs to absolutely sit her down and have a VERY serious heart-to-heart. She’s hurting and it feels like nobody is telling her the right thing.

Just before the adoption ceremony Nathan told her that Elizabeth was seeing Mr. Bouchard and Allie complained but Nathan did a great job of telling her that they should be happy that Elizabeth is happy and I LOVED THAT. So why does it feel like he didn’t mean any of it? Why didn’t he confront any of the other things Allie is probably feeling?

Like, you know...that Elizabeth can still be her friend even if she’s seeing Mr. Bouchard?

Elizabeth asks Nathan for a word, and when she tells him that she wants to speak with Allie he tells her that Allie is home and is afraid to talk to Elizabeth without him being there.

She asks why Allie is afraid but the fanfare starts for Bill, and Nathan doesn’t want to be rude but Elizabeth insists on continuing their conversation.

Elizabeth tells him she was afraid it would happen if things didn’t work out between them.

Nathan says he doesn’t know what to tell her. He’s tried talking to Allie but nothing he says has convinced her that Elizabeth isn’t to blame. Elizabeth tells him that she thinks Allie should blame her because it’s Nathan she’s attached to/loves.

Their conversation is paused for a moment by Bill’s appearance but they pick right back up after Bill rides away on his horse. She says she tried to tell him at the parent/teacher conference that he is everything to Allie and he says he knows that, and that’s why he’s trying really hard not to show Elizabeth how he feels about her, and it’s why he turned down the promotion to inspector.

He wanted to leave but he couldn’t do it because Allie was so happy in Hope Valley. Elizabeth says that’s why they have to figure out how to make things okay again, because he said it himself, he stayed because Allie was happy!

He said, no, I said that was part of the reason.

And he looks away like he didn’t mean to say that, like in saying that, he’s said Too Much. And this isn’t about his feelings. This is...something else.

Elizabeth has suspected all along that he was hiding something and not telling her the whole truth about Fort Clay, but this behavior isn’t like him and she calls him out on it. She says she knows he’s hiding something and she wants to know what it is.

He tells her that at Fort Clay he was in charge of the training mission, not Jack. But he was disciplined for an earlier incident and they sent Jack instead. He says he’s sorry but there was never the right time to tell her.

The episode ends there.

I am...disappointed. I was hoping it would be something small that might have still weighed on his mind, like finding Jack’s body—having never met the man, having never known him, it would be so odd to know his wife and the home he loved but to have never known him. And to never really have a right to...ask about it either because it’s not your place.

But no, they really had to go there. They really had to make it like that. We’ve been guessing this since Nathan arrived in town as a possibility and I wish it had never happened.

I agree with all the people who think that there would be no point in the love triangle without Nathan being end-game, but ugh.

I’m fine with forgiveness and moving on, but back in S5 and S6 I made it very clear how I felt about the direction they were taking Abigail and Henry. For the purpose of clarification, Henry was actively awful (he was cruel to Abigail many times over and was part of the VERY DIRECT reason her husband and son died) and that was the biggest reason I opposed it. I think comparatively Nathan is harmless. But... I dunno.

It feels to me like they really want to tell that Type of story and...I’m not a fan. You can forgive someone without hooking up with them. In fact, that’s a way better moral to be dropping on this specific audience anyway.

I’m mostly disgusted at Nathan and have to now worry how they will write Lucas next to make sure he’s on equal ground. :(

Maybe Nathan’s posting in Hope Valley wasn’t out of guilt but the way he reacted to Elizabeth sure makes it seem like it was. Like he chose to come to Hope Valley to keep an eye on Jack’s family. And if it stayed at a friendship level I could respect it. I might even like it.

But... ugh. I mean, Nathan feels guilty. He knows his actions indirectly killed Jack. No, he is not to blame for it and I don’t think he blames himself—at least not in a traditional way. But the knowledge is there. He should have kept his feelings to himself. He should have NEVER decided he wasn’t going to give up on Elizabeth after she walked away from him. She didn’t say no but she shouldn’t have to.

So he knew he was indirectly responsible for Jack’s death and he still let himself tell Lucas he wasn’t giving up on her. What the hell?

I guess you can consider me #teamstaysingle now.

Bill’s Wounded Pride

This wasn’t a long or deep storyline but I wanted to dig into it a little bit since Bill’s my favorite character and all.

I really appreciate that they are giving Lee a chance to be a good listener. He got kind of overshadowed by Rosemary’s personality a bit in the past so it’s good to see a consistent show of it now. He’s so nice to Bill. I don’t feel like they’re great buds, but there’s a kind of...mutual respect there that has definitely been earned on both sides. Lee’s offer to listen to Bill vent was really nice.

After Bill goes off on Henry (sorta? barely?) Nathan calls Bill out for placing blame on Christopher by association of Henry, since he knows he and Henry have some bad blood between them.

But then Nathan kind of gets this self-righteous ramble about how maybe he’ll feel differently when he’s asked to hand in his serge, but it’s not helping Bill to prolong the process/put it off.

Which...while Nathan has a point, he’s just written throughout this entire episode like a selfish jerk. I get that he’s not that attached to his uniform (he’s younger, he’s willing to quit to settle down and marry), but you’d think he’d have a little sympathy for someone whose entire career was the Mounties and who is struggling to give up the last connection he has to that part of his life.

If Nathan was 18 or 19 I’d feel his reaction would be fully believable, but he’s probably in his 30s and should have a little more emotional maturity than this.

Again, yes, Bill should just get rid of the uniform and be done with it. But it’s not as if Bill doesn’t know that. He’s struggling! A word of encouragement might help more than telling him to rip the bandaid off. If he talked this way to Allie it’s no wonder she’s so messed up.

Later that morning, Molly greets Lee about the lumber shipment Carson ordered for the infirmary and Jesse is grumpy. She jokes that she’s dealing with that, too, but with Carson and Faith. Lee adds that Bill is also in a bad mood, because he has to turn in his uniform. They briefly discuss that nobody has ever seen him in uniform.

Lee tells Molly that she’s in charge of fixing everyone else’s problems and leaves.

The next day, Bill walks into Nathan’s office to see Molly spying on his stuff...

She claims she’s there to wish him a good trip and he says he’s not looking forward to riding all the way to Hamiliton. She mentions his uniform and he’s surprised she knows about it, but says only that “word gets around.”

Bill says yeah, well, he should have told them that if they want it so bad they should come and get it. Molly tells him that “rules and regulations can strip a man of his pride.” Which is. A weird line of dialogue but okay.

Bill tells her that it was a proud day when he put the uniform on—even though back then it didn’t have any of the decorations on it, of course. She says he must have felt ten feet tall he and replies with, “Ten years and three months.”

You know it meant a lot to him if he remembers the exact amount of years he wore the damn thing. Molly encourages him to try it on and he tries to excuse it by saying it doesn’t fit. She tells him he’s hard to read (probably because she thought he wanted the excuse to try it) but he’s “worth it, cover to cover.”

She goes on to say that “WE” know that turning it in means a great deal to him, so it means a great deal to his friends, too, and as he should know, the uniform doesn’t make the man.

She goes to leave and tells him it will definitely fit (HAHA maybe she was checking that while he was gone) and to do everyone a favor and put on a good show.

A short time later, Mike and a couple of others from town start playing some fanfare music outside the Mountie HQ and Bill emerges.

He’s touched by it, but also maybe a little confused lol, and asks them if they know that he’ll be right back.

And then...it’s off and away with Bill.

I’d have liked this storyline so much more if it felt...deeper? A little extra fanfare for him is nice, but it doesn’t really...deal with any of the emotions he feels. That said, I’m almost certain this is to get him to Hamilton where he might run into Christopher’s parents and/or hear more information about potential misdeeds of Christopher to move that plot along.

Miscellaneous Short Plots

FloYo: Florence and Ned were cute but I wish they hadn’t tried to do anything with it in this episode. We didn’t really need to see Ned being grumpy about things as a like...Moment. It just didn’t feel very meaningful even though they had that cutesy “nobody can replace you” resolution. This episode was a bit of a miss for them for me because of that. And hey, don’t get me wrong; I generally like them, but trying to make everything wholesome all the time gets draining and there was so much other stuff that felt more rewarding to me comparatively.

The Canfields: Very cute, good. I need to know what Joseph’s plans are. And Angela learning braille and being so sweet... AHHHHHH I LOVED HER.

Dress Shop: I’m disappointed they had this plotline drag out for episode after episode and then die out. I guess it could be interesting if they blew it wide open by Dottie selling it at the end of the season to someone unexpected, but what bored me about this was that nobody was that stressed out about the situation and nobody seemed relieved that Dottie wasn’t selling. I’ll hold out hope that something comes of it anyway.

Jesse: FINALLY. I appreciated that he and Mike got to talk. It explains where Jesse was all that time...and Mike is a good friend. I love him. I hope he gets more screentime next season because he honestly deserves it. Also, I’m glad Jesse went to talk to Clara and asked if they could sit and talk. SIT AND TALK. YES PLEASE. Thank you. It was a simple step forward but I really appreciate it. Also, the Canfields and Bill hightailing it out of there as soon as Jesse shows up...haha.

Infirmary: GOODBYE HAM SANDWICH CARSON. I mean... I’m of two minds. Expanding the infirmary would be a good idea. It wouldn’t hurt to have a little more room for patients that might need to recover for longer, and to have a little bit more privacy for them. On the other hand, Carson’s sudden lashing out against the Hope Valley infirmary is...odd. I loved how he and Faith both got so excited but for different reasons that culminated in a completely different mindset. You can tell Carson really wants to go to Boston but feels weird about it. I love Faith’s dedication to the town.

My brain feels dry and crusty after typing all this up, and I didn’t proofread it at all, so sorry in advance if there are any errors in it. As always, I’m looking forward to the drama next episode, particularly with Carson and Faith (BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP).

I’m still kind of stunned they went the route they did. I find it hard to imagine that Elizabeth is capable of a choice within the next four episodes, but I guess we’ll have to see what’s in store for us.

Also, for a little laugh, my husband watched the full episode with me for the first time in a few seasons. He was pleasantly surprised by Angela Canfield and said that he liked “the property brother.” I think he’s #TeamLucas but he told me later last night that actually they’re both fine and he’d take either one for himself if the opportunity arose LMAO.

What are your thoughts on this episode? Opinions?

#when calls the heart #analysis and meta discussion #character studies and information

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princesstillyenna · 3 years

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tilly gets introspective

So, this one’s a bit of a weird one, and I’d appreciate it if you read my work or interact with me at all, if you’d take the time to read it.

There’s been some rumours floating around that I’m biphobic, and initially, I was like LOLLLL because I identify as bisexual half the time (the other half the time I ID as pan, my identity doesn’t change, just the language I use varies honestly on the age of the person I’m talking to) but then I started to worry, because I’m like, what if you are a smol baby writer, or smol baby reader who wants to interact with me, but you’re worried I’ll hate you cause I’m “biphobic”

SO I just wanted to say real quick, whatever your sexuality is, I love and welcome you in my space (unless you’re going to say “sapiosexual” in which case you and I need to have a chat about linguistics, it’s sapiophillic…). Obviously, I can’t stand here and say “WELL ACTUALLY I’M NOT BIPHOBIC” because erm, that’s not how being accused of bigotry works, I hope I’m not biphobic, and I’m pretty sure I know where the confusion comes from. If you’d like the full story, it follows, so buckle in 😊

I posted a story one time, it’s called “inane and charming”, it’s a rule 63 Patty/TK. Boss. In it, TK and/or Patty express some pretty biphobic ideas. When I initially posted this, I failed to warn for it, this is 100% on me, and I failed there and I’m sorry. When some super helpful commenters pointed it out, I went and did two things, firstly, I put a warning in saying that many readers had found a section of the text biphobic, the second thing I did was actually slightly alter the dialogue so it still contained the essence of “dumb hockey boys don’t really get this shit but are trying to impress each other with how knowledgeable they are” whilst hopefully being less offensive. If you’ve any ideas of how I could have further improved that piece, I’m always open to constructive criticism on the majority of my works and this is definitely a piece where I welcome that.

Here is what I will say however, this was not, and is not, in any way, my opinion. It was the opinion of the characters described, not of the author. I have not ever claimed to be the characters I’m writing as (even when I pseud as Cale, that account is clearly labelled up as a fake pseud, it’s not me it’s “cale”), I frequently have characters voicing opinions that are not my opinions.

So, in short, I don’t always share the opinions of my characters, and I’m asking you to please not assume that because I’ve written a character holding an opinion that I hold that opinion myself – I love writing about dumb hockey boys, and sometimes they get stuff wrong, sometimes they do stuff I don’t agree with, that’s part of the fun of writing.

Hopefully, I’m not biphobic, personally, I don’t believe I am, what I am though, is fallible, I make mistakes, but what I also am, is constantly working to undo the privilege that I, as a white cis-gendered person has been marinaded in. I try to always warn for the opinions and behaviours of my characters, but I do miss shit, so if you think something should have a warning, or could be written differently, please do let me know.

And if you’re worried that I’m not gonna be your friend because of your sexuality or gender identity, NAH MATE, I’m queer AF and whether I love you or not does not depend on your gender identity or sexuality. I love having hockey RPF friends, so please, give me a shout out if you wanna virtually chill :D

Peace out. tilly x

#tilly thinks #tilly writes #fanfiction writer #group chat shit

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just-a-bean-writes · 3 years

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bean’s commentary

My AO3

Shut Up and Tell Us About It | Yamaguchi and Tsukishima don’t tell their friends about the big steps in their relationship, they have to figure it out for themselves.

I don’t like it, to be honest. My most popular fic, which is...why. It’s also my first one, and I’d like to think I’ve improved as a writer since I wrote it, but it’s just...stuffed full of so many half-done tropes. It’s incredibly fluffy, and it makes me smile, but it’s...half baked. 2/10

Taking Matters Into Our Own Hands | Yamaguchi and Tsukishima get re-married, while their friends try to figure out their relationships on their own.

This fic was a hellfire to write on and I hate it so much. The first two chapters are crappy but I think i’ve justified myself a bit on the second two. The reason I started outlining. 1/10. (It’s not bad I just have so many bad memories trying to force myself to write the next chapter)

Love was Made for Me and You | 5 kisses that Tsukishima regrets, +1 he definitely does not.

...meh. Bonus points for the debut of my Demi Tsukishima headcanons. Scenes are choppy. I don’t like it. 3/10.

I’ve Never Liked 4AM So Much | Yamaguchi knocks over a stepstool and his downstairs neighbor, Tsukishima, wanted to make sure he was okay. At 4AM. The best things happen at 4AM, right?

................okay this one is alright. still overly trope-y, but yknow, it’s cute! Characterization is a off but I like the idea of Bokuto sliding on hardwood floors in socks. 4/10.

My Youth is Yours | 5 times Tsukishima isn’t so sure about his life changing, and 1 time he definitely doesn’t mind.

Bean tries angst for the first time. It’s bad. Don’t read it. Choppy scenes. 2/10.

I Like Shiny Things, but I’d Marry You with Paper Rings || 2.6k | Oneshot

I literally threw this one together 4 days before I posted it and it shows. It’s not good. 1/10

I’d Rather Die Than Forget | Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are both idiots, and they both have Hanahaki for each other.

Bean tries angst for the second time. I twisted Hanahaki rules for my own benefit. Bonus points for Kageyama & Tsukishima friendship. 3/10

Haters Gonna Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate (I’m Sorry) | Yamaguchi owns a flower shop, and listens to Taylor Swift. Tsukishima thinks it’s cute.

Miso the cat is in this one so I like it more, I do approve of how I had Yamaguchi come up with 7142835973492 nicknames for Tsukishima before his name, so...5/10?

If I Could Just Be Where You Are | Yamaguchi and Tsukishima haven’t spoken in 5 years. But what happens if Tsukishima arrives in their town, in his bookstore, wanting to apologize and make up? Should Yamaguchi forgive him?

Bonus points for book commentary, and it’s alright, but (spoiler) I don’t like how they immediately started dating after they made up. It’s alright. 5/10

you told me you fell in love with it, hadn’t gone as I planned | Suga and Daichi go on what was supposed to be a honeymoon. Suga is pining over Daichi but takes him all over Paris. Daichi realizes that he’s maybe been in love with Suga all this time.

Bean tries angst and doesn’t entirely fail! Like the length of it. Good tropes. Would’ve stretched out the scenes a bit more, but I like it. Probably my favorite of my fics. 9/10

My Commitment to You | Tsukishima hates Christmas, but his neighbor has been blasting Mariah Carey. It’s the first day of November. A holiday TsukkiYama fic (with some Christmas and New Year’s fluff)

It’s too long. Definitely could’ve cut some stuff. A bit to philosophical and no one wants to sit through 11k+ words of...whatever this is. Angsty but a little overdone. Bonus points for Miso and Cheeto (the cats) cameos. 7/10.

Ennoshita Chikara Does Not Want a Relationship (Really.) | Ennoshita’s teammates seem to really like flaunting their relationships with all the PDA that’s been going on. It’s not as if he wants a relationship. He doesn’t. But of course, Tanaka Ryuunosuke just has to exist, and maybe he does want one after all. But Tanaka’s straight. Right?

Nice length for a oneshot, a little choppy, a little trope-y, but I like it. I like how I wrote some of the characters, the background stuff was nice. Minor revisions would’ve made it better. 8/10

I’m literally so critical of myself sjdfljsdklgjdskf ;-; basically just read the one shots that aren’t in a series djslkfj

#tw long post

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corkcitylibraries · 3 years

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Cork in Verse | Ana Spehar interviews Jim Crickard

Cork in Verse is a series of interviews by Ana Spehar with Cork Poets. This week Ana interviews Jim Crickard.

Jim Crickard’s poetry is camp, entertaining work that explores culture, sexuality and identity with a hint of colour. In 2020 he was invited to represent Cork in the Cork-Coventry Twin City Exchange, which was moved online due to pandemic. In 2019 he was selected by Poetry Ireland for the inaugural Versify series and performed to a sold out show at Dublin Fringe Festival. He came second in the 2019 All Ireland Poetry Slam Final (and is working through his feelings about it with a therapist). In 2018, he won the Cuirt Spoken Word Platform and was awarded a slot to perform at Electric Picnic. In 2020 his poetry was broadcasted on RTE Arena. A poem he wrote was shortlisted in the 2018 O'Bheal International Five Words Competition, and his work has been published in Automatic Pilot, A New Ulster, and Contemporary Poetry.

When did you start writing?

I started writing when was 16. I had just come out of the closet, my older brother Shane (20) died the same year in a road traffic accident. Looking back, I think I needed space for expression. I started out with a journal before sleep. It was playful, private, and helped organise my thoughts. I’d draw a little picture at the end of each entry. I acted a bit like Virginia Woolf, with a high-neck collar, writing solemnly by candle light. When people write diaries, I think they secretly fantasise them being found and read by the masses.

When I was introduced to poetry in my Leaving Cert, I found it to be a bit stiff and flowery with poets like Keats, which had some appeal, but when we moved on to Adrienne Rich and Eavan Boland I was a lot more inspired. It was seeing people use the art form to represent women and give voice to minorities, and how they both textured their work with the confessional. I started writing my own poetry at the end of my journal entries but kept it secret. After a few years, and my first break-up, I started sharing online on a site called AllPoetry. It was great because there were little competitions between users and when I won a few of them I felt brave enough to share my work on Facebook. A few people were kind, but most were indifferent.

When I started going to O’Bheal in Cork, though, I really felt like writing could have a future for me. Writing and performing alongside other writers really makes it a lot more gratifying and instils the self-belief you need to keep going.

Could you tell us more about your creative process?

I’m always on the lookout for something to play with and tease out until it’s a poem. I write with the intention of making people laugh when they hear me perform. Unfortunately, ideas rarely happen when I’m walking around day-dreaming. I mostly need to sit down and write to find the idea or follow whatever I’ve got on my mind. One of my favourite poems that I’ve written takes a hen party in a gay bar and expands it into a series of images and scenarios that delight me and make me laugh. If it makes me laugh, then I trust that it’ll make a crowd of people laugh. I didn’t start out with that idea of the hen party though, I was trying to write a rather embarrassing romantic poem set in a gay bar, it was for a guy I was briefly dating. Suddenly there was a hen party in the corner. They abducted me with their willy-straws and novelty-glasses, and I followed their embarrassing moments and social faux-pas as they ran around, interloping and ruining the sacred queer-space. I was much more interested in them than the romantic poem I set out to write. I suppose it’s important to trust where the poem is going and let it reveal itself. If I ignored them and focused on the poem I was trying to write then I’d have missed out.

How does the creative process of writing affect your mood?

I’m elated when it comes together. I love when I get into a flow and my fingers are typing as fast as they can and what I’m writing is surprising me. That doesn’t always happen though, it can be slow and boring and the cursor can be blinking in front of me waiting for me to write something.

How often do you write? Do you write every day?

I wish I wrote every day. I’ve heard multiple sources say that that’s the best way to approach it, and I would definitely believe it. I have had periods where I wrote a new poem every week, possibly more than one. I have also had long periods of not expressing anything on the page. The latter feels depressing and I feel my life passing me by. It is this dread I feel that I’m losing precious time to grow and improve as a writer. I rationalise it by reminding myself that I need to work full-time, clean my apartment, cook dinner, which is all true. I also excuse myself by saying that I need to relax and watch some TV or listen to a podcast. I think that writing is the purest of me-time and I’d like to transform my relationship with it.

Can you tell us more about Venus Envy?

I have been known to dress in drag from time to time... I performed as Venus for Pride in O’Bheal. Afterwards I went to The Crane Lane with all of the poets. It was interesting being a drag queen out of context in another bar... People wanted to talk to me, some random stranger touched me as they passed by, and someone confided in me with something they had not mentioned before. There’s a strange power to being in drag. It’s like being a shaman, a eunuch, a jester, who is on the outside looking in. You can say things that you daren’t dream of otherwise, and people love you for it. If I had the time and money to do it more often I would. Drag will always have a special place in my heart, and on my right arm is a tattoo-portrait of Panti Bliss, the Queen of Ireland. I’ve thought about putting more drag queens beside her, but it would be like Mount Rushmore of Drag on my arm. Who knows, maybe I will.

‘Hen Party in The George’

Be careful around the corners, don’t make eye-contact at the bar,

watch out for the mom, she’s on safari, in search of exotic birds.

For a parrot to echo her punchlines,

or maybe a cockatoo,

she’s prowling around the cocktail lounge,

she’s looking for me and you.

The mother of the bride uses her lazy-eye

to her advantage,

she edges into a group of faces with meandering conversation.

Now blocking their exit, unsure

who she’s addressing,

on about her gay hairdresser, how great

he is with the scissors.

“I’ve never had a problem with the gays now myself” she says,

pausing to sip from a pink plastic penis,

pausing for praise.

And one by one, the gays fly south,

migrating to the bar,

to the dance floor, to South-Africa if necessary.

“Snobs” she calls em -

“them gays can be awful touchy.”

All her Christmases at once

when the black crow drag queen

stalking her long legs across the stage,

seven foot tall, in a silver crown of feathers refracting light off the disco-ball.

“Jesus” she says, stealing the

microphone: “you’re looking better than me”

“I should feckin hope so” the drag queen says “you’re twice me bleedin’ age!”

Slowly, slowly, the hen party has pissed off all of the George...

Abandoning punctured plastic husbands all over the stage.

Flashing so many cameras it feels like E.T.’s family has landed.

A gathering parliament of lesbians encircles the hens,

a murder of goth gays come down from their perch

I wonder if they’ve seen Hitchcock’s movie, ‘The Birds…’

by Jim Crickard

Sex in the Housing Crisis

We are the generation of born-again virgins

headboards disturb housemates on shift work,

Air-traffic controllers should be included in rent

to coordinate times to get the ride

Landlords can afford to support our sex-lives

and change carpets once in a while

We are the generation of born-again virgins

Like ships in the night, we work to survive,

but we are no thirty year old cargo boats…

anchored in the harbour, waiting for labour,

we are Ferrari red speed boats

with miles to go before we sleep,

miles to go before we sleep.

We are the generation of born again virgins

Nothing kills the mood like mildew

home-sense is built on the backs of millennials

fumigating probate houses

converted into one-beds

with constellations of mould

and half their salary paid

to make out on an old couch

facing a microwave

We are the generation of born again virgins

If you’re living with parents you can forget it

unless you can face breaking their trust

and explain condoms in the toilet-drain.

We must not forget about our parents sex-lives

afraid their carefully considered bed springs

will be heard by their thirty somethings

Let’s give the government hell for

this inter-generational dry spell!

by Jim Crickard

#corkcitylibraries #CorkInVerse #JimCrickard

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