#i’m nostalgic and very emo still so here we are

[demonic-silver-and-gold]

Yep, I Never Told You What I Do for a Living by MCR is still awesome

#i’m nostalgic and very emo still so here we are #mcr #my chemical romance #silver and golden words

[prettyoddfever]

do you support brendon ?

Yes.

The yes/no answer isn’t as simple as it should be because the concept of “supporting Brendon” seems to be currently tied into a whole alternate reality that’s based on a whole mess of misunderstandings, rumors, lies, and other things that I don’t even know much about. I have next to no background info about events after 2010, so I can’t begin to pick out what might or might not be true. But the parts I’ve seen people talking about that do involve years I’m familiar with (anything before 2010) come from such a wildly misinformed alternate reality that the info basically only serves as a red flag to show how little those people actually know about the entire topic they’re speculating over. If their understanding of the pre-split band is so minimal that they truly believe some of the things they’re saying, then I’m not really inclined to trust their critical thinking skills about later years either lol. A lot of the other commentary I’ve seen about 2005-2009 basically just tells me that people are willing to take a topic they know next to nothing about, speculate over it in an echo chamber, feel validated because the internet appears to share their perspective, and then treat it like fact.

Some of the other current condemnation of Brendon seems to be coming from people who were born after 1991 and weren’t teenagers at the same time as Brendon. There’s a definite generational gap happening here in the perception of some events, so just bear with me while I go off on a tangent that might be relevant:

My generation is largely a product of the entertainment & culture we were fed at every angle.… not the masterminds of it. We were not born as inherently horrible people. The 2000s were fun at times and I’m nostalgic for a lot of aspects, but I also have to balance that nostalgia with the understanding that the culture was truly shitty in a lot of ways and pretty much only respected straight white cis men (but I feel like they were still harmed too in a strange way since they were taught a lot of toxic behaviors & mindsets). On a slightly related note: I went to film school for a year in 2008 and we were legit told that a Hollywood screenplay needed to have its target audience be “18-to-25-year-old white men.” None of my teachers were white (and very few were men), but that was still the rule… and my teachers acted like that was just how the world worked and you should roll with it if you wanted to have a job. I remember wondering if 18-to-25-year-old white men naturally wanted such a specific type of humor & content, or if Hollywood had taught them to want it in the first place. I went into more detail in this post too about how the culture in the early 2000s was toxic for teen girls and taught us to treat each other horribly.

Modern teen culture seems more individualistic than the teen culture that Brendon & I grew up in. These days people might view a comment that you make as a reflection of who you are, but back then it felt more like we mostly tried to conform to a handful of acceptable images and their expected norms. Your comments & actions gave away whether or not you were a poser... they were a reflection of how well you could fit into a specific group. Strangers, other kids at school, and corporations didn’t give a crap about you (and certainly not your “authentic self” lol). Based on conversations over the past decade with a lot of friends from all over the country, it felt like there was a small box of what was normal/acceptable in the early 2000s and most of us just tried to conform to that for the sake of not being bullied. I’d argue that the kids who went outside of that box of “normal” (ex: goth, emo, Avril Lavigne wannabes, etc) either still tried to conform to their group and were vicious about calling out posers, or else their identity was grounded in the fact that they were not conforming… which only reinforces how the overall culture was something that people were expected to generally conform to. (Ok side tangent: I don’t know how to categorize that large group of kids at every school who just wore colorful sneakers, flared jeans, some kind of unisex graphic tee that was probably for a band or from a school activity, hoodies, and maybe got chunky highlights in their hair but nothing too wild. They fit in but didn’t try too hard. Anyways, their personality or sense of humor usually still matched what was common/“normal”). In my own experience, it really wasn’t that hard to be popular back then (and thereby safe). You just wore the right clothes & hairstyle and adopted a personality & sense of humor that matched what people expected… and suppressed almost every aspect of yourself in the process lol. Nobody talked about mental health when I was in high school, but I’m positive that everyone I knew wasn’t as fine as we all pretended to be.

side note: when I talk about the “2000s” I’m mostly focusing on 2000-2006. I think the fashion, music, and culture in 2008 slowly shifts to feel more like the early 2010s. By 2008 tween magazines had also significantly cut back on the content that basically bullied female celebrities. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that our culture started changing once sites like Tumblr & Twitter gained momentum throughout 2009 and people could access alternative views & ideas and converse with the world at large instead of the small bubble of people who already shared your interests on a specific forum. I don’t know how to phrase this, but there was a definite shift once ordinary people could direct the conversation online and could make their voices heard instead of just consuming the culture that was given to them. I’m not sure that teens these days fully grasp what the world was like before everyone was so connected… even just the concept of having internet and a cell phone in 2004 was very different from what that meant by 2007.

Teen culture was largely dictated to us by the media back then (in magazines, tv, MTV, movies, and other similar avenues that didn't have the ability for true dialogue or for their audience to have their voices heard regularly. There weren’t many decent books for teens, though, so we couldn’t even learn about diverse worldviews that way. Twilight eventually showed the publishing industry that young adults could be a very profitable niche, but it took many years to get the YA industry to what it is now. Also, the drama in YA books back then was like some white girl from a middle class family was anxious her classmates might discover she was “poor” and a poser, or whatever generic nonsense). Anyways, media showed us what to aspire to – we did not matter as individuals. These days there’s a much wider range of sources you can turn to for inspiration & ideas, and it doesn’t really feel like there’s some kind of overall homogeneous culture being dictated anymore. Social media has more power than a print magazine talking about last month’s events ever could (I know that algorithms mess with stuff and corporations buy out influencers etc, so I’m not saying that everything is perfect or trying to analyze anything on an intricate level here. I’m just pointing out how the channels that we get information through have expanded significantly since 2006… and I feel like that’s weakened the ability of the media & corporations to shape our culture or dictate what’s “normal” in the same way that they did in 2003. We have so many alternative options now and can easily see other ways of thinking or living… and sometimes just being able to actually see so many people who support a certain idea helps us critically examine our own understandings). Advertising also seems to have made a shift towards treating the individual more like an actual person (ex: the whole self-care trend). There’s also an amazing push for diversity & inclusion that celebrates the individual. There are so many aesthetics for your personal style, and people seem way more into authenticity and creating their own image via social media. So I think teens growing up in this culture might expect Brendon’s comments to be a reflection of his personal core values & authentic self, but I see them as a clear reflection of the culture he worked really hard to conform to. Obviously it’s still wrong to make those types of comments either way. But understanding where they come from & the motivation behind them can make a difference in how you view Brendon.

I really want to emphasize that some kids in my generation worked extra hard to conform for the sake of safety. There’s a strong push now to condemn bullying, but back then bullying was often treated as an unfortunate but inevitable part of society (and in my own experience, it felt like the bullies were almost celebrated… like many adults were proud of them for basically winning at life). My middle school certainly took a blame-the-victim approach or just didn’t care. It never even occurred to me to tell a teacher about the constant sexual harassment that many sophomore girls endured from the senior boys in our math class because it all seemed so completely normal to me. All of the schools I attended had pretty much the same advice about harassment & bullying: just ignore it… if you don’t give them the satisfaction of a response then they’ll move along (supposedly). Wearing a tshirt that says “it’s cool to be kind” in 2004 would have basically been like taping a target onto yourself and “asking for it,” but I’ve seen those shirts for sale in recent years (and felt a surge of terror for the poor child who might be caught in one before I remembered that things might be different now). Obviously bullying is still a problem today, but society’s overall attitude towards it has changed so much that I don’t know if today’s teens fully understand the environment that pushed a lot of us to try to fit in so hard. Some kids back then made it through high school just fine without changing much about themselves, but a lot of us learned to make ourselves the smallest target possible by fitting in with a group as much as we could. That applies to more than just high school, too. Marketing & the media basically thrived on creating a very narrow group of people who were “in” and then everyone else was a target to scorn or mock as they scrambled to pass for whatever was deemed acceptable that year.

The people I know in my own life who are having a harder time fully letting go of harmful ingrained behaviors & phrases are the kids who were bullied, didn’t have many friends in high school, were autistic, or for whatever other reason worked harder to practically memorize the social norms and “rules” of fitting in & being acceptable, or at least staying safe. It just seems obvious to me that Brendon would’ve been one of those kids. If you paid even the slightest attention to the pre-split band, you’d know that Brendon visibly strived to be likable and good enough. I have honestly never seen someone try so incredibly hard. He was almost desperate at times with his eagerness for acceptance & approval from the other guys in the band. Brendon also talked a lot about how he didn’t have many friends in high school… kids were generally not very kind to him. Brendon was “weird” with his ADHD and didn’t fit into what was considered normal. He tried hard to be funny. He also had the exact personality & mannerisms that my friends and I had even though he went to high school thousands of miles away from us. He was such a typical teen in 2005.

Any comment that Brendon might have made over a decade ago about wanting to rape a crowd would have sounded like a completely normal enthuastic/affectionate statement to anyone who was in high school in 2002-2005 (like Brendon). I’m not sure if people are trying to turn the cultural norms of a future decade into the status quo of the past or why they’re pointing out that moment, but obviously a comment like that wouldn’t be a literal statement (the fact that I even need to explain that feels so strange). Back then, screaming that you want to rape someone was largely a sign of affection. Running down the school hallway and yelling “Anna just raped me!” meant that she tackle-hugged you with affection. Yes, it’s a truly disgusting thing to say… but it’s not like a single one of us came up with that phrase on our own. We’re just a product of our generation. As another example, Brendon saying “I’m going to f— you, I don’t even care if you want it” to a crowd would be completely playing into what the crowds had largely screamed enthusiastically about for so many years. Again, I don’t see this as something like Brendon’s true thoughts coming out whatsoever… I see it as him stepping into a role onstage and playing into an image that he thought/knew people wanted.

I’ve seen some recent screenshots of people who have concluded that the only way that the “n-word” could possibly casually slip out of Brendon’s mouth is if he’s such a deep-rooted racist that his thoughts are just like that normally. And that kind of conclusion only reveals a staggering lack of understanding about the world that Brendon grew up in. People said the n-word all the time to be casually cool when I was in high school without thinking critically about what they were even saying. The motivation there came purely out of a desire to fit into the culture of that era (ex: Paris Hilton said it lots). I went to a high school that was like 98% white and kids would greet each other with “sup my n––“ all the time. Idk why everyone threw up gang signs for pictures either or tried to “talk ghetto” randomly (their phrase, not mine).  

update: let me make this clearer with an example. Brendon said the n-word while singing the lyrics to a song. Some people seem to think that the fact that he didn’t hesitate must automatically mean that he’s just SO racist that the word feels normal to him. You’re projecting current cultural norms onto Brendon when you assume that he grew up with the same conditioning you have. I’m not saying that Brendon shouldn’t be held to those norms! The effect of his action is the same regardless of the cause... but wow people are certainly misunderstanding the cause. When Brendon & I were teenagers it would’ve been completely normal to say that word and sing those lyrics. Right now the word is obviously wrong to say, so you’d currently expect someone to hesitate or avoid the word altogether. But that is literally the opposite of the world that Brendon grew up in.

Anything that people didn’t like back then was labelled “gay,” “homo,” or “retarded.” I remember a short season where some kids were saying “that’s so Asian” instead of “that’s so stupid.” I think one kid from my school just heard the phrase somewhere and other kids automatically repeated it without thinking so they could be cool & prove that they were still fitting in. Yes, it’s obviously a major form of privilege to be clueless that what you’re saying is racist and/or harmful and has an actual impact. The driving need to fit in, not expose yourself as a target, and just survive high school sadly wasn’t particularly conducive to questioning social norms back then. I’m glad that social pressure is shifting these days so that it’s cool to care, to speak up, or to examine how others are affected by our words & actions, but back then it was like the opposite.

Common phrases and the main culture’s sense of humor back then confused me because the racist, sexist, homophobic, and generally mean comments didn’t seem very funny to me, but I just figured that something was wrong with me… so I worked extra hard to learn when to laugh at the correct times so I would seem normal. A lot of the humor and popular phrases back then were just inherently cruel & harmful. It’s not like people were never aware of that fact either… it’s more like being incredibly mean was often supposed to be funny? And if you were hurt by it, then people acted like you just needed to grow a thicker skin and lighten up.

There are obviously SO many things wrong with the stuff I just mentioned, and the fact that “most people did it” doesn’t excuse anything or make it any more acceptable now. But it’s going to take time & patience to help some people in my generation unravel the truly messed up culture that permeated almost every aspect of our lives. For some people, it might take a bit longer to shake that learned “cool” armor and condition themselves to a new normal (especially if they’re still hanging around someone else who’s stuck in the past). Obviously some people are just racists who don’t want to change, but I believe (or hope) that most of my generation would’ve never done those sorts of things if we were privileged enough to grow up with today’s type of internet. Our society absolutely still has a long way to go, but I hope that today’s teens can balance that knowledge with the understanding that my generation started from a very different place than they started from. We’re not the ones who created the culture of the early 2000s. We were just kids who grew up pressured to conform to the narrow world we knew. Yes, that culture is truly disgusting and inexcusable in hindsight. So cancel that culture then and help people recover & grow past that. There’s enough hatred in the world already without you adding to that. It seems like some people are getting a sense of power out of creating a mob verdict these days and almost celebrating their attempts to destroy Brendon. It’s strange to see people treat others terribly in the name of supposedly crushing hateful behavior.

At the same time I know that ignorant comments harm a lot of people, and that shouldn’t be a secondary concern that’s less important than helping my generation learn/change/grow. So I don’t have any answers here. I’m not happy with the culture I was raised in and I don’t want to turn my back on people my age who are still working on shedding that. Obviously nothing is as clear-cut or simplistic as people might want to make it seem. By continuing to support people who might have harmed others, am I automatically discounting those who have been harmed? Can’t you help both sides heal and care about them both? I’m still figuring things out. Also, if I dropped everyone in my life who had seriously messed up, I would literally be alone because we are all flawed humans. It’s not like I’m tolerating unacceptable behavior out of some self-serving desire to never be alone, either… the point is that I care about those people, so I want to try to help them succeed in life if they’re willing (and if it’s safe). Forgiveness is not even remotely the same thing as dismissing someone’s actions btw. It’s seeing a human who is more than their mistakes, trying to understand that person, and choosing to love them & support them as they grow. But I respect other people who might choose differently.

What’s important to me is that Brendon genuinely seems like he wants to do better and truly cares about other people. He’s shown that over & over with his actions. You can unfollow or hate me for not canceling Brendon if you’d like, but I’m glad that I refused to turn on Ryan in 2009 and kept an open mind there (that whole situation is a bit similar). Hopefully I’ll feel the same way as I continue to support Brendon.

side tangent: I worry about Jon Walker sometimes. He’s been put on this pedestal of being a perfect guy who is unproblematic, so his current identity would just be wiped out if he does one thing wrong. Too many people seem to hold up a celebrity as some sort of god, place part of their identity in him, and then lash out when it turns out that he’s actually a flawed human who didn’t reflect the image that they wanted for themselves.

Some aspects of teen culture haven’t changed tbh. Kids are still waiting for you to screw up by breaking social norms so they can gang up on you and ostracize you. It’s awesome that the expected social norms are shifting towards normalizing kindness & inclusion instead of the negative stuff from the 2000s that was basically the opposite. But it’s truly strange the way that some people these days are acting like attacking & harassing a person who’s been deemed worthy of cancelling (or their fans) somehow makes them righteous. It’s still cowardly cyberbullying. I’m paraphrasing a friend here, but at least teens in my generation largely owned the fact that they were being mean. Cyberbullying was sometimes a bonding activity for teens in the 2000s and it seems like not much has changed in that regard. Obviously it’s perfectly ok to dislike someone… you are free to have whatever opinions you want about Brendon. But bonding with other people by bullying Brendon & his fans seems so toxic. Your common interest is literally hatred. And some people just seem overly excited to have an excuse to go full steam ahead with the hatred they seem to have been determined to aim at Brendon no matter what.

I don’t think Brendon’s silence over the past couple years is “deafening,” damning, or in any way strange. All four band members were trained by their PR team to stay silent and carry on through most rumors in 2006-2009. I know there’s a totally different situation in our culture now where people have way better access to celebrities online, but I still think it’s odd to expect Brendon to publicly acknowledge online rumors. That’s a dumb PR move that only draws further attention to what’s being said. It might feel like thousands of people are already talking about it, but that’s nothing compared to what media coverage of an actual statement would generate (ex: compare what fans were saying about Ryan’s possible cocaine picture in April 2009 to what countless people were talking about after Ryan actually addressed the cocaine picture from July 2009… the fact that it became “the cocaine picture” says enough. Ryan’s statement to MTV didn’t even matter to the fans who were convinced he was a drug addict whose life was spiraling out of control, but it certainly drew outside attention to the rumors about Ryan and what the fandom had been saying. I’d also argue that it contributed to some media perception of Ryan moving forward). Or look at how the Brent situation was just a fandom meltdown & normal news until it spun out of control with the band’s statements to the media and escalated into a total headache. Making a public statement on a large platform usually isn’t the best way to end rumors.

Brendon already did make a statement in November 2020, though. And I saw so many people brush that off. So would anyone even care what Brendon had to say or believe him if he bothered to further “break his silence”? Or would everyone just brush Brendon’s comments aside and say that they still know the “truth” no matter what? I mean, just look at how people currently treat the band’s split. All four guys (plus all of the people surrounding the band) made countless comments that all explained the exact same thing that fans had been observing for years at that point. The split made complete sense to me and was a reallllly long time coming, yet kids today seem to ignore basically everything about the irl band and would rather believe whatever drama they invent on their own. 

I don’t know how Brendon can even start to address some of the allegations when they’re so grounded in an alternate reality/perception of both him & the band. Is he supposed to sit down and give people a history lesson of the actual dynamics of the early band or culture in the 2000s?? If he didn’t spend literal hours explaining the basic history that people are clearly lacking, would they even believe his claims that something isn’t true, or would they just dismiss it because it conflicts with the reality that everyone in their bubble shares? It seems futile for him to even begin to craft any sort of statement. People have already shown that they are determined to hate Brendon & tear him apart no matter what. In early 2020 Brendon seemed like a puppet who was dancing around trying to placate the section of the internet that hates him, yet people still ignored his genuine attempts to do better, ignored whatever apologies or explanations he made on Twitch, and kept harassing him & his fans. He definitely couldn’t win then, so why would one more statement now make any difference? If you walk away from an abusive situation, that’s not suspicious or a sign of weakness on your part. I think it’s healthy that Brendon could distance himself from everything.

Also: if you can look back to 2011 for examples of things to cancel Brendon for, then why do other Decaydance band members get away with things they said & did in 2006-2008? It’s like that one girl who went to jail for downloading music from Limewire… it was weird that she got singled out and had to face extreme consequences for actions that a good chunk of her generation did too (except maybe that’s not the best analogy because most of us could spot that stealing music was wrong even if people still went ahead with it). It’s just so strange to see people act like Brendon is the antichrist while the rest of his peers are fine nbd. There also seems to be a double standard with how some fans treat Ryan vs Brendon now. They’ll work hard to justify anything Ryan’s done and point out how he’s been through a lot with people treating him like crap. That scenario should absolutely apply to Brendon too, yet those people hold him to an entirely different standard for some reason. A lot of the people I’ve seen who are very anti-Brendon seem to have a loose understanding of the band’s pre-split years. They also tend to act like they need to be against Brendon in order to support Ryan now as though those two are somehow connected in a strange sort of seesaw where you’re automatically raising one side by lowering the other. Ryan and Brendon are very different, separate people who are both flawed humans. It’s totally possible to support them both.

Some of the perceptions people currently have of the band in 2005-2009 essentially take away Ryan’s agency, turn him into a passive victim, erase his creative vision & goals, infantilize him, and basically ignore him and what he actually wanted. You’re not doing Ryan any favors by erasing him & replacing him with your own creation. When you try to claim that Ryan left P!ATD because Brendon was some kind of horrible person, then you erase the real people, years of context, and basically do yourself an injustice because you’re so absorbed in an alternate reality that you’re missing out on knowing about the real-life band. I understand that people are more likely to be invested in a storyline that they connect with emotionally, so reality might seem less interesting in comparison to what they’re inventing through speculation with their friends… but you can’t actually rewrite history. Claiming that it’s “impossible to know everything” about the pre-split band also isn’t an excuse to validate whatever story you want to invent. These events did not happen that long ago lol... I wasn’t in high school during some kind of prehistoric culture that’s been lost to time. If you feel like there’s a mystery to solve about the early band, then that’s a problem with your knowledge... not the actual band. Most of the fake stories that people currently believe about pre-split Panic would never seem plausible if you had even the most basic understanding of the band during that time period (and the same thing goes for a lot of the current claims against younger Brendon... like if you had some basic context for those years then you’d just roll your eyes at how some teens today actually think that the “Lana Jade letter” was serious/real).

When I first got back into the fandom in 2020 I started to reconfigure my understanding of the early band to match what a couple fans were telling me since I hadn’t thought about P!ATD much in like a decade and it seemed smarter to trust people who had been in the fandom in recent years. For a few months in mid-2020 I was ready to believe anything about Brendon since the reality I remembered didn’t match up with the narratives I was being told. Then I slowly figured out that one of the girls I was talking to was a compulsive liar, the other girls meant well but were very misinformed, and the current fandom is basically a mess that I don’t want much to do with. So now I’m just using this account to focus on the early eras as I knew them. That doesn’t mean that I’m ignoring the post-split years because of any opinion about them (I don’t know them well enough to even form an opinion tbh). It’s rather depressing for me to look at current stuff & see how much the guys have aged because then I can really see how much of my life went by while I was sick for a decade. So my decision to keep my head mostly buried in 2005-2009 is just my method of coping right now... there is no statement there about the modern band or anything. I still support Brendon, Ryan, Spencer, & Jon as individual people and hope they’re doing well! I'm definitely curious to see whatever they might be working on, but I'm not particularly interested in getting too involved in the modern fandom right now.

#brendon urie

[agentmmayy]

november & december rotation

combining these last two months of 2022 into one rotation post since i did not listen to that much new music but what i did, i found some really good songs to end the year with so here’s a post to start the new year off 

golden child - paravi: whole bop!!!!!!!!! paravi’s voice is gorgeous. delivers the struggle of growing up “the golden child” so poignantly and without remorse. it’s absolutely delicious and cathartic 

remember why you fell in love - natalie madigan: not to blorbo this but i will. chenford. ‘we were adding up sins in the city of angels’ ‘if i said i’m gonna die i’m gonna do it my way’ this song is their entire arc no i don’t take criticism

don’t say - gabrielle aplin: the kind of song to listen to when dancing in the rain or driving through the city looking up at the tall buildings and realizing how so very small and insignificant you are. emo song. 

craigslist personals - WRENN: usually averse to titles like this but this song pleasantly surprised me. the chorus has been stuck in my head and rattling around in it for the past 2 months especially with the line ‘if you pretend i’m not around can you pretend to hear me out’ also the vocals are insane 

don’t go - kate stephenson: ‘you think you could leave me when i need you most i guess i’m dancing with your ghost’  it’s about the continuous cycle of being let down and being ready for them to leave and to get out of the relationship or situation but not wanting to leave the security of it and then the song shifts with same line but instead ‘i guess i’m laughing at your ghost’ the growth!!!!! the journey!!!! the realization that you don’t need them!!! 

nostalgic for the moment - kathryn gallagher: this song has a soft core early-mid 2000s rock aesthetic. favorite part in particular is ‘i like it when you touch me i like it when you call i picture how your clothes look on my living room floor’ something about the cadence and the vocals and just how vivid and honest it is. but also how sexy it is. ‘i pretend my hands are yours whenever i’m bored’ hello??????? 

rivers of my love - natalie madigan: tbh i wasn’t as impressed with this song as the previous one but as soon as i heard ‘i got restless in the bed that we made’ it put me thru the mf roof!!!!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!!!!! enraptured ever since. the song is a relentless cry of admission and it hurts so good 

moonlight - madison rose: perhaps my favorite song on this entire rotation. the sing-a-long capability is unparalleled and yes i have sung along to it and danced in my chair and around my room. the perfect song to round out the previous ones 

GHOSTS - PI3RCE: i think this is ranking right up there with ‘memory lane’ on the gut-punching scale because every lyric came for my ass. which. ‘all i know is you’re the only solid thing i’ll ever know’ + ‘all my older loves have crumbled in my memories just like stone now they’re just ghosts’ how am i supposed to live laugh love in this situation!!!!!!! i’m not sure if it’s the slow almost syrupy music or the gentle hushed vocals but the yearning and the grief and the love is so palpable i tear up every time listening. the part about this song that blew my mind the most is that the singer is also a ghost. that’s why the song feels so ephemeral. and i will blorbo this. derek hale. and i’m a sucker for a cello.

putting this here at the end because the transition from don’t go to nostalgic for the moment was too perfect but this is such a contradiction regarding the use of ghosts compared to don’t go. a ghost being someone you’re glad to let go of where it’s bittersweet vs a ghost you can’t let go of and follow them onto the same plane of existence and even then you’re still looking for them is so insane to me. don’t go has the journey and the growth past that state of being meanwhile GHOSTS is stuck just like, well, a ghost

i won’t need to dream - jude york: everything about this song is dreamy (obviously) it reminds me a lot of similar songs, at least lyrically and in the first few lines, from disney films. it’s so hopeful and not exactly an adult version of those songs but one that makes our dreams seem more reachable. also i think my soul ascended hearing 1:04-1:16 for the first time 

#tbh the songs i listened to most in december were 'memory lane' and 'running up that hill' but i've talked about those enough already #so have these instead #oh and 'casual' #any song: *mentions ghosts or has it in the title* #me and 152glasslippers immediately: DEREK HALE #the vibes recently have been 'songs that reminisce a relationship but in a positive and not salty way' #confused but here for it #monthly music rotation #monthly music roundup

[aviel-the-trans-bucket]

So for today’s nostalgic walk down emo lane I’ll be listening to The Black Parade, and these are my thoughts

An album I’ve listened to repeatedly but there’s some songs and demos that weren’t on the American cd. So the ones that will be added to the listen are Heaven help Us, My Way Home Is Through You, Kill All Your Friends, Party At The End Of The World, Not That Kind Of Girl, Emily, and All The Angels. Let’s see what there is to see. Let’s begin this rock opera journey.

The End: an amazing intro to this beautifully morbid journey we’re about to embark upon. This has to be listened to back to back with dead every time I listen. They flow into eachother too perfectly for me not to. If it ranks top 5 then it will be in tandem with dead!.

Dead!: shit rocks HARD! I love these 2 back to back so much. I love it’s groove, I love its rhythm. It’s one of my all time favorites the guitar is fucking incredible as always. “If life ain’t just a joke, then why are we laughing” fucks impossibly hard.

This Is How I Disappear: I don’t really listen to this one that much. With fresh ears the intro is honestly pretty good. Oh shit I forgot how much I actually liked this one. This one does really fuck. Not one of my all time favorites but definitely one I should weave into my listening more.

The Sharpest Lives: ok this one I think might be one of my least favorite of the album. The guitar fucks hard but in general I don’t think this one if for me. Like it fucks incredibly hard but just sorta eh about it. I do listen to it mashed up with take over the break’s over all the fucking time tho

Welcome To The Black Parade: Ok here we go, an anthem for a generation. One of the most iconic intros in modern music. A slow and beautiful build and in come the drums. There’s the guitar! And it Fucks HARD!!! You already know she’s my number one spot on the album, how can she not be. Paint it black and take it back, let’s shout it loud and clear! defiant to the end we hear the caaaaaall! Let it rock your shit let it obliterate your fucking face! Also the most iconic music video of their career to date, we’ll see if they make anything that can blow it out of the water in the future.

I Don’t Love You: beautiful opening, and honestly one of my favorite arrangements when I’m in my feelings. It’s a situational song for me but I do love her. Guitar pops off, In general a very beautiful song.

House Of Wolves: there she is! The song I vibe with the hardest! My number 2! She Fucks Unbelievably HARD! Headbanging to this banger! It’s jazzy it’s one of my favorites I adore her! Guitar goes incredibly hard, this song consistently rocks my fucking shit!

Cancer: so I don’t listen to this much, almost never. It’s a sorrowful but beautiful melody. She hurts like a motherfucker but god it’s so beautiful.

Mama: ah yes a classic and a banger. A very unique vibe and one that goes insanely hard. Vibes vibes vibes 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈. Then it punches you in the fucking face! God the end section is so fucking good too, goes so hard.

Sleep: Spooky time. The recordings spoopy but god if the guitar doesn’t go so god damn hard. It’s one of my favorites for sure but I don’t wanna go dishing out too many rankings, still have 7 songs I haven’t heard yet. The quiet “wake up” screaming in the back is haunting once you hear it.

Tennagers: honestly both a vibe and not particularly one of my favorite songs on the album. But the guitar does fuck really hard here. I’m neutral about it, it’s good but no particularly strong feelings regarding it. Don’t fear the reaper, needs more cowbell.

Disenchanted: ok this is absolutely one of my favorite songs. She’s definitely a in my feelings song along side the world is ugly. It goes fucking hard, it’s raw, it’s beautiful and I love it so much. I don’t have much to say on it but I do love it so so much.

Famous Last Words: defiance to the end, we fight back even if in all honesty we are terrified of moving forward. Also it fucks severely, guitar goes so fucking hard. About halfway through the list I honestly stopped trying to form sentences for the breakdown and I’m just vibing with the music.

Blood: I don’t listen to this one at all so I’ve kinda forgotten it 😬. Jaunty, a vibe lol.

Kill All Your Friends: this one is a new listen, let’s see what we got. Oh this is kinda a vibe. Oh shit wait this does kinda fuck. Oh shit fuck yea! I like this one it vibes good. I think this banger might be a new favorite.

Heaven Help Us: new song 2 let’s go! Oh she’s a vibe. The vibe fucks hard, it’s got a good sound. It’s nice. I like, not love but like.

My Way Home Is Through You: ok new listen number 3. Opening slaps. Big American idiot vibes. It rocks, another it’s good and I like it but it didn’t knock the shit out of me. It goes without saying but the guitar has ate this whole album.

Party At The End Of The World: first live demo time. Oh this fucks. It’s like a combination of all the parts of previous albums. It vibes hard. I like :3.

Not That Kind Of Girl: live demo 2, let’s go! Nice beat. Oh damn this does fuck. Also vibes 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️? Good for them.

Emily: ok another new listen. Oh this is kinda nice. Guitar is nice as always. Is a nice vibe maybe not a favorite song but I might listen again sometimes

All The Angels: ok last new listen of the night. Oh this is kinda a moody vibe. This one is kinda nice. I like this one, broody.

So after a more recent listen it’s still one of my favorite albums of all time besides maybe midnight thoughts by set it off. I didn’t dive to deep into the story of the concept album because we’ve all heard it to death, and wanted to focus on my enjoyment of just the music. My top 5 of the album would have to be…

1:Welcome To The Black Parade

2:House Of Wolves

3:The End/Dead!

4:Disenchanted

5:Kill All Your Friends

So that’s the album done, it was nice listening to it in its entirety again. Again as always if you have any songs I may miss because they aren’t on the main albums or eps pls send those to my inbox. I don’t wanna miss a thing. Up next is the one I’m most excited for dangerdays and the madgear and missle kid ep.

#aviel rambles #aviels emo nostalgia music hour #my bullshit #i’m catching up on old mcr stuff in the off chance they drop a new album post return #mcr #my chem romance #my chemical romance #the black parade

[paranoidpoltergeist]

Reviewing all the TMNT movies

I've had a ton of free time and decided it'd be fun to watch and review a bunch of stuff. So I did, except I underestimated the amount of content and now I have to break it down into categories. Why I thought I could watch 8 movies, 5 series, and 3 crossovers in a week I don't know but here we are. Please keep in mind this is my opinion so you might not agree! This is listed in order of when I watched them NOT ranking I'm gonna do that later after I finish the tv shows.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles(1990)

MMM a classic I remember first getting this DVD, my mom let me get it out of the $10 bin at the beach because I had lost a tooth. I didn’t remember much about the plot at all so it was like watching a new movie and man did I enjoy it. This was a great movie and one that held up pretty well. I liked the characters, the villain, the plot, and ofc the iconic farmhouse scene we get with just about every series. I even liked the character design surprisingly enough.

Some scenes felt weird, a couple of jokes felt off, and Splinter was literally the most terrifying thing I’ve ever seen. He looks like a drowned chihuahua. The swearing was written as though the writer's mom never let them curse and they were pretending to be 25 in the youtube comment section or something, but It was great and honestly a pleasant surprise in the wake of all my childhood favorites being ruined by just how bad they were and the end credits song? Iconic. 8/10 will be watching again. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ll: The Secret of the Ooze(1991)

This movie is… good. It’s not a bad movie but it’s more goofs and gags-focused. It got a couple of laughs out of me but it felt somehow too long and also rushed. I’m pretty sure I got Leo and Donnie mixed up 207 times, I could almost never tell who was talking despite having the subtitles on, the villains were the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m still not 100% sure who the science guy is exactly and whether he’s good or bad. In conclusion, I’m now eating a pizza. 6/10 might watch again

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles lll(1993)

Well, this is certainly a movie. I don’t even really know what to say, I couldn’t root for Kenshin or even Mitsu and well the turtles are really really ugly. It was funny but I’m not sure if it was a “so bad it's funny” or actually funny. No one was very well fleshed out, the villain was Idk tbh, I don’t feel particularly satisfied, and the “we wanna stay here” thing at the end and then them all suddenly going “no we’ll go home ig” was kinda weird and probably only got put in for screen time. 4/10 I don’t believe I’ll be watching this again. I will, however, be crying bc I am in fact lactose intolerant and that pizza was not worth it. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles(2014)

Man, I remember going to watch this movie in theaters like it was yesterday. Ignore my nostalgia rant but my dad sucks and never did anything with me so these were the only movies he ever went and watched in theaters, no matter how bad it was that made them infinitely better. I used to watch this movie like every night when I went to sleep so hearing this stupid music was so nostalgic, I adored this movie as a kid and I was almost scared to rewatch it without my rose-tinted glasses.

I have super mixed feelings about this movie, my expectations were so low it actually surprised me. The villains were honestly bad, not much screen time, the foot soldiers just straight up looked bad, I don’t know a lot about Sacks but somehow less about Shredder, Karai looks like she’s going through her 2010 emo phase, Splinter looks like what I can only imagine my cat would if I gave in to the urge to only shave the top of his head and arms, the turtles themselves are ugly, and their backstories mediocre. I could keep going but I did like the way the turtles interacted with each other. It had its funny moments, the soundtrack was good, and I actually quite liked Donnie. In conclusion 6/10 it wasn’t the best but it’s enjoyable and I’d watch it again. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows(2016)

Right, so I hate this movie. I can’t explain it, I've always disliked this movie. I tried super hard to watch it and literally fell asleep. It’s boring, I’m not a huge fan of how they interacted, Bebop and Rocksteady were mid although mildly enjoyable, shredder was once again a blank page, and Kraang just lowkey annoyed me. He was super gross and looked like that one transformer but pink and slimy.

The turtles little “I wanna be human” thing was mediocre and I felt like they just added it on for screentime. Casey was super unmemorable, Baxter was also kinda boring, Karai might as well have not been in the movie at all, and a lot of the jokes fell flat for me. On a more positive note, I liked the trash truck. What sucks is I really wanna like this movie bc we get a lot of characters from the original but it's so boring. 2/10 am going to burn the disk. TMNT(2007)

I was not looking forward to this movie, but surprisingly enough I liked it. I’m sad Mikey and Donnie got barely any screen time but Raph was cool. I liked Karai even though we didn’t see much of her, and the ending left me feeling pretty satisfied. The turtles were once again ugly, Splinter looked like that one macaroni noodle I lost under the fridge, and the villain was just ok. I am however a pretty big fan of the minor character development we get to see.

I’ve watched this movie probably like 4 times now, although it’s been a very long time, and the first time I watched this movie I loved it, the second it was ok, and the 3rd I kinda hated it. I basically got to come back with a fresh start and it was good, I noticed little plot points I didn’t before, debated whether I hated this Splinter or not 27 times, and realized Chris Evans voices Casey. This is a good movie. It’s cute, at times funny, and just genuinely a good watch for kids. 6.5/10 Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles(2019)

You know I quite liked this movie. I liked the art style and all the turtles a lot?! Unlike the 2007 movie, I didn’t feel like a single character had a ton more screen time than the others and Leo had good character development! I’m also a dc fan so seeing Damian acting a bit more like a kid was great.

It’s a fun movie and they found a pretty good balance between funny and serious. I’m not 100% why Ra’s wanted to mutate all of Gotham tbh so that was kinda weird and there were some weird tone shifts with the random graphic murder. At one point Leo yelled at Raph because he could have killed these people and then I watched Donnie kill a man with a manhole cover, but Splinter finally wasn’t the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen although he also wasn’t in this movie. Overall I’d give this a 7/10. It wasn’t the best thing I’ve ever seen but it was good, I’m also craving pizza again but I’m still recovering from last time so I think I’d rather eat moldy bread. I'll be adding the rise movie after it's out but I kept getting scared I was gonna accidentally delete all this lol

#teenage mutant ninja turtles #movie review #the sleepless nights spent on this are actually astronimocal #Most of this was written at 3am so please leave my weird grammar alone #bayverse tmnt #tmnt 2007 #batman vs teenage mutant ninja turtles #actually why do we keep letting Micheal Bay make movies #I swear the script he gives Megan Fox just says *breathes heavily* #boutta tag this like it's ao3 lmao

[captainpulisic]

Chase Utley told me you missed when I sent you asks, so here’s my NON-SWIFTIE vault tracks ranking

1. Is It Over Now

- IK this is basic and idc

- This song made me wanna listen to the rest of the vault tracks (that’s a big deal for a non-swiftie)

-I’m still recovering from “you search in every model’s bed for something greater”

-I like Harry, but I’m proud of her for this one like she really went off

-It’s starting to become overplayed so it might go down on my list eventually

2. Suburban Legends

- “And you kissed me in a way that’s gonna screw me up forever” 😶 🧎‍♀️

- It sounds very nostalgic to me for some reason, and I like it more the more I listen to it

3. Say Don’t Go

- GOD this was hard to place as #3 bc I love it a lot

- It’s a little too emo for me atm but I could see this becoming #1 next time I’m sad bc of a boy or sports team

- Ask me again in a week this might be higher on my list

4. Slut!

- I told you this one was my #2 at first and I can’t really pinpoint what changed, I just liked 2 and 3 more

- Tbh I like any song with a profanity in the title

- Agreed that this is Mason coded

5. Now That We Don’t Talk

-Y’all can sue me for this one

-Obviously I ate up the Harry tea, but I could live without it

-It didn’t do much for me sorry

Overall 1989 takes me back to fall 2014, and I’ve liked this album for a really long time 🙄 just imagine 13 year old Molly playing Style and then Perfect by 1D repeatedly over and over again

CHASE UTLEY PASSED ON THE MESSAGE OH MY GOD??? (prince amongst men fr)

the swiftiefication of molly is so real 🙏🏽 first serie a now this, im winning so hard rn

say don’t go should be higher in this list idk 🙄 but I’ll let it slide bc this is one of the best rankings i’ve seen. another now that we don’t talk denier!! I feel so seen!! SUBURBAN LEGEND TRUTHER THANK YOU SHES SO UNDERRATED

13 year old molly and 13 year old diane were so gagged when perfect and style came out 😭 yup yup yup!

#she’s a swiftie now guyssss #if she denies it #don’t listen to her !!

[cozy-the-overlord]

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Part 3 of Cozy’s Fluff-To-Angst Fun and Games

@fablesrose said:

Alright, break my heart.

A lover softly combing their fingers through your hair as your head lays in their lap, quietly drifting to sleep with a hum.

Summary: She could accept this fate, did accept this fate, if it meant that he would escape safe and sound. But Loki could never let her fall alone.

Word Count: 1,663

Pairing: Loki x Sigyn

A/N: So this is based on a dream I had a while ago ... it’s weird. I know it might not make any sense, but my dreams never make any sense lol, so I was kind of trying to channel that a bit. The title is from Robert Frost’s “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”-- I debated about that for a while, because I know this story doesn’t really fit that poem thematically (like ... at all), but the atmosphere it creates is sort of what I was going for? Kind of? Idk this story is a trash fire. 

Also please let me know what you think of the ending! I’m genuinely curious to see how people interpret it ...

Thanks for reading!

Warnings: Drowning? (but no death)

Tags:  @lucywrites02 @silver-lupines @whatafuckingdumbass @the-emo-asgardian @imnotrevealingmyname @electroma89 @lokislittlesigyn @moumouton4 @theredrenard @justdontmindmetm​

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)

Read it on Ao3!

At first, she thought she was dead. That moment when she first hit the water, the icy crack that shattered her vision as millions of tiny needles pierced every sliver of skin and cut straight to her bones—surely, she must be dead. No body could survive such raw cold.

But she wasn’t. She was alive for now, alive enough to scream as freezing water rushed down her throat, up her nostrils, through her ears, ripping her apart from the inside until there was nothing left but ice.

Can’t breathe—

The surface sparkled above her with a mocking glow. She knew how to swim, but when she tried to kick her legs only dangled in the water, useless chunks of lead pulling her deeper and deeper with each failed flail. Her arms weren’t working properly. Her fingers had turned to icicles.

No, she wasn’t dead, but she was dying.

The thought electrified her, and she tried another half-hearted thrash for the surface even as her chest swelled with water. She didn’t want to die. Not like this. Somewhere, deep down, she was ashamed of her fear. She hadn’t fought the drop. She had given herself up to death’s eternal slumber. Why was she panicking now?

But this was different. She had made peace with the fall, yes, but the water did not hold the same mercy. Please. She gasped for the surface, not even sure who she was pleading with.

Please, not like this.

She wasn’t expecting an answer.

And yet one came.

In one moment, she was spiraling down into the blackness, in another, the light was flying towards her in a halo of bubbles, a familiar arm tight and firm around her waist.

Somehow, the air she heaved into her lungs was even colder than the water below, the frigid wind that whipped across her cheeks threatening to take her skin with it. She coughed out a waterfall, the panic that had been frozen in her throat finally freed from its floodgates as she sobbed and shook against his chest.

His.

Sigyn gagged on the realization.

“You—you—” But her voice only burned, too raw for speech. When she attempted to twist around to see his face, he only held her more tightly against him as he pulled her to the embankment. She pulled at his collar with numb fingers.

“You were supposed to run,” she choked. “Loki, you were supposed to run.”

Loki said nothing. He scooped her up like she weighed no more than a feather, his ruby eyes staring off at something only he could see as they trudged through the snow. She realized suddenly that she was shivering, teeth chattering like a pair of castanets, and she gulped as she tried in vain to hold her frostbitten hands still. Loki’s grip around her tightened.

“We need to get you warm,” he said. “You’ll freeze like this.”

What he needed to do was drop her and get as far away from her as possible, but Sigyn’s voice wasn’t working properly. Really, very little was working properly. Her vision was going fuzzy in the corners, the steady sound of his wet boots crunching against the ice was starting to fade into an indistinguishable buzz.

She only noticed they had stopped when the fire crackled to life—a vibrant, vigorous warmth that washed all over her, and she found herself bathing in the glow of dancing flames despite her better judgment.

“Loki!” she whispered weakly, fighting to cling to her last dregs of reason. “The smoke— he’ll find you—”

Loki lay behind her, holding her to his chest with a touch so gentle she barely felt it. His fingertips danced across her temples, stroking clumps of wet hair from her face as they went.

“You’re so beautiful.” His voice was soft and safe, a warm blanket wrapping her up and sheltering her from the world.

She inhaled. Her chest felt numb. “What’s going to happen?” She hated that she sounded so small, like a frightened child cowering at a storm. But surely what they were facing was a storm of its own? Sigyn knew very well who it was pursuing them. She knew he would stop at nothing to retrieve what he wanted.

It could only be a matter of time …

But Loki was unconcerned. “Don’t worry, darling,” he soothed. “Don’t worry. It’s all going to turn out right.”

“The tesseract—”

He hushed her gently. “Everything’s going to be just fine.” He hummed as he combed through her hair, a tune that Sigyn almost recognized, something innocent and nostalgic. It was something from a lifetime far away, dancing on the edge of her memory. She found her eyelids slipping closed, even as she fought to remain awake.

Can’t sleep now. Can’t leave him …

“It’s all right, my love,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. “You can go. I promise I’ll be all right.”

And so, she gave into his words, and the world faded to black.

…

When they found him, the fire had gone out. Loki was hunched alone in the snow, watching little flecks of ice crystalize on his blue skin. He didn’t bother to stand as they surrounded his makeshift camp. Why should he? He was weary, and besides— it didn’t matter now.

The Mad-Titan loomed over him, his golden armor sparkling with frost as he regarded Loki with a kind of patronizing amusement.

“And so the Jotun blesses us with his true colors.”

Loki fixed him with a heavy-lidded stare, breath whistling through his lips in a silver vapor. He was too exhausted for words. Besides, what was there to say? Everyone here knew how this was going to end.

At least, they thought they did.

“I’m surprised at your choice,” Thanos grinned. It was a spider’s smile, one that said he wasn’t surprised at all. Loki pressed his nails into the palms of his hands. “I thought for sure you had chosen to run.”

Yes. Sigyn had thought so too, had wanted him to flee. He had seen in her eyes, that peaceful resignation as she accepted her fate.

As if he could ever let her fall alone.

Thanos knew it. That was the frustrating part. He knew Loki would jump in to save her or die trying. He knew he’d give up his life, give up the tesseract, give up every living creature in the universe if it meant keeping her safe …

It didn’t matter now. Sigyn was free from harm, far outside the Titan’s reach, and the tesseract …

“Hand it over, princeling.”

Loki only smirked. History may call him Silvertongue, but oh, sometimes silence tasted so sweet.

Thanos’ eyes narrowed.

They dragged him to his feet in an instant. Loki didn’t fight it. It was only a matter of seconds before the realization would strike, and he for one was enjoying the anticipation.

The Titan towered over him. Loki fought the urge to laugh. He clearly thought himself intimidating, but his tiny eyes glaring out from beneath his helmet only made Loki think of an overgrown cockroach wearing armor.

Still, he bit his tongue.

“I’ll ask only once more,” Thanos leaned towards him, practically spitting in his face. “The tesseract. Hand it over.”

Loki didn’t flinch.

“My lord—” It was one of his Children, hunched over a datapad with a molded tension in his shoulders.

Here we go.

“What?”

“It’s not here.”

“What do you mean it’s not here?” Thanos snapped. “He has it!”

The man inhaled a shaky breath. “Forgive me sir, but he doesn’t. Here—” He held the tablet to the Titan with trembling hands in frantic supplication. “It’s not on his person. It’s not even on this planet. There’s not even the slightest trace of its gamma signature on this side of the galaxy!”

Loki grinned.

…

She awoke in her bed, cocooned in the snug embrace of her favorite fuzzy blanket. The rain pattered on the roof outside, a soft hum that almost soothed her back into slumber. Still, she pulled herself from sleep’s clutches and yawned, stretching as she sat up.

Such a strange dream.

It seemed so distant now, all wrapped up in warmth. She could only barely recall the last dregs of icy panic, floundering in a frozen river. And the man who had pulled her out …

She chuckled to herself. If only every nightmare ended with a tall, dark stranger rushing to her rescue. Although memory of his face eluded her, she couldn’t forget the feeling of his arm around her waist, so strong yet so gentle at the same time, clutching her to his chest like it was his sole purpose in life to hold her close. She sighed. Her subconscious had been kind to her last night.

A loud yowling from down the hall startled her from her reverie—the cat, demanding his breakfast. She frowned at the clock and jumped when she realized how late it was. Oh well. Can’t spend all morning fantasizing about handsome dream-men. Time to get up.

There was a song stuck in her head, she realized suddenly. It took her a moment to place it. Some silly jump rope chant from elementary school that she hadn’t thought of in years.

She giggled. How obscure is that?

Another meow reverberated through the apartment, an impatient edge to the cry. She groaned, throwing back the covers.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming!” One of her slippers was missing from its usual spot. She frowned. “Tigger, did you steal my slipper?”

Tigger only let out another screech, and she huffed. That damn cat was always snatching everything she left out and stashing them under something—he was a veritable hoarder.

“Fine,” she yelled, making her way to the kitchen slipperless. “Be like that, you little thief—”

So distracted was she by the cat, she didn’t notice the faint blue glow emanating from the tangled mess of her bedsheets.

#loki marvel #loki fanfic #loki angst #loki x sigyn #loki x ofc #logyn #miles to go before i sleep #cozys fluff-to-angst fun and games #cozy writes

[gaiuswrites]

Only Memories Remain

Pairing: Frankie Morales x gn!Reader

Summary: I revisit a small town relic with you, as we have done before.

Rating: G

Word count: 590~

Tags/warnings: pining, emo, that wistful nostalgic feeling that tears me to bits

Notes: This is my meager (and very first!) contribution to Writer Wednesday. It’s totally stream of consciousness format idk. Did I write this on mobile in one go? Yes. Will it make sense? Probably not. I’ve written this in a different perspective than the usual, and although no names are ever specified, in my mind it is clearly about Frankie. Thank you for the inspiring photo @autumnleaves1991-blog and @clydesducktape​ :) enjoy hehe idk wtf this is x

Masterlist

Without a melody, tuneless, the afternoon slow dances into the night. The moon winks, hanging there in the black canvas, her craters coy, controlling the tides of my water-logged lungs lapping nervous against my canted chest.

Slogging through the endless pit of summer, tanned viewers sprinkled in their parked cars are bloated with heat and yet, somehow lighter too - buoyant - dangerous and teenaged, as if consequence can’t find us here, hide and seeking in the dark. I can feel the current of it, ripe in the air like static, live-wired and prickling my skin alight.

We sit in the bed of your truck like we used to - before - and I steal glances out of the corner of my eye to watch you watch the film and the stars and the old trees corralled tall around the screen like a Greek chorus—elms and pines that were born long before us and will be here long after, ancient and wise with evergreened patience, and it makes me feel sad in an almost unknowable way. Because I’m looking at you, the honey of your gaze, the succulent drip of it, and all I want is for you to see me.

We sit in the bed of your truck like we used to - before - and I am reminded of Coca Cola and red vined licorice and a childhood that fizzed by like a July sparkler—hot and burning and bright and then                        gone.

There are blankets woven around our legs, mangled and choked and messy, and they’re there because we want them, not because we need them—because we’re human and we want comfort and we’re scared, aren’t we - ultimately - and maybe we just want to cling on to soft things while we can. While we still can. 

The actors, those silver megaliths, are projected laughably large, and lightning bugs dance around the theatre in a trance. Blinking blinking blinking, happy too just to be here, and between their bursts of neon gold and the heat in seismic waves radiating from your all too familiarly foreign body, I do not catch a single line from a single scene. I feel abstract—scattered and calm and racing and present and I want to touch you. God, to lay a hand on that which I love— love, what an ugly harbored thing, making a traitor out of our bedrock— to feel your callouses and indented divots and raised scars. To play them, a needle in those grooves. To listen.

You like the movie; you’ve seen it— it’s a classic, you assured— and your grin broke the sun when you all but begged me to go with you.

It’s been years.

Let’s go, like we used to.                      Used to.

Your face, the excitement you wore in wreaths around your mouth, cracked open my heart like an egg. Defenseless, I am yolk-rich. I ooze for you. I run.

And so we sit in the bed of your truck like we used to - before - and my blood sings— for the past, for the future, for anything but the sluggish muck of whatever this present is—this suspended uncertainty where I am neither here nor there— and a smirk tickles your cheek, dimpling you right where I’d very much like to kiss, and you chide you’re not paying attention.

My chin nearly snaps clean off my neck, reflexive and vipered, as I return my focus onto the film where Tom Cruise is monologuing. I suppose it’s fine. He’s fine.

I don’t speak. I don’t say a word—can’t. My tongue has swollen, saliva cooling the molten want that’s pooled there. Heightened, senses made too keenly aware, I sear into the uneven ribbed panel, bones scorching into the metal frame. My ears burn, my lips burn from where I bite them, my cheeks, my jaw, the thump pulsing at my breast. I am set ablaze, embarrassed and poisoned with that loathsome myth named hope, and I burn and burn and burn for you.

/

tags because why not lol:

@pedros-mustache @krissology @letterfromvienna @heartsofbeskar @javierpcna @djarinsbeskar @keeper0fthestars @sharkbait77 @juletheghoul @chasingdreamer @helmet-comes-off @roxypeanut @lawfulgranola @day-off-inkyoto @javier-pena @pedrostories @librariantothejedi 

#writer wednesday #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x fem!reader #frankie morales x gn!reader #frankie morales #francisco catfish morales #triple frontier #triple frontier fandom #frankie morales fic #triple frontier fic

[amphibious-entity]

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”” lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the “let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

“…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

#the mysterious benedict society #this took me like three days to finish rip #it’s worked though! i feel less of a Mighty Need to think about this stuff constantly now #however!!! today through some conniving i have gotten the Second Book #now I’m at 3 out of 4 infinity stones. muahahaha #was going to include my villain origin story about why i like show!SQ so much but cut it for being too long and irrelevant. however #if the words jeff naomi and Sweet Dreams are Made of These mean anything to you please hit me up. it’s kind of a funny story

[jadespeedster17]

Sander Sides - Coraline AU

So when scrolling through one of my favorite channels on here I saw someone mention Janus as Other Father, and this got my creativity going. I’ll hash out the characters and ideas, then give you a basic idea of what is cooking in my head. However, I’m not sure on how I want things to go in terms of plot. But I do have a general idea of the characters and their roles as well as background.

Other Mother: Logan Sanders

In this idea the Other Mother would have been Patton, but given there are so many sides, I thought he’d fit another role better. Then my sister suggested Logan as Other Mother, and it fits for the basic plot I have in mind. He goes by Logic by the others in the Other World, or as they call it the Alternate World or Pocket World. 

Logan says he’s the eldest one here along with Patton and Janus, and seems to be the head of the ‘family’. He’s a very stoic mother, pushing his kids, which in this case is Roman, Remus, and Virgil, to be smart. Not in a bad way, he’s a silently content mother, and you can tell when he’s proud of you. He cleans mostly and makes sure everything is in place, and enjoys gardening. Mostly he stays in the study or outside. 

In terms of power, Logan is the most powerful of them due to being the oldest person there. And no, he doesn’t turn into a spider being, he actually is a type of bird. Looking alot like harpy when you really tick him off. His buttons are dark blue with silver thread and his skin is warm but overly smooth. 

Other Fathers: Patton and Janus Sanders No one is really sure who is older, they’ve always been with each other. Janus enjoys making music and Patton enjoys cooking for the family. Both are very fatherly and enjoy doting on their kids. Going by the names of Morality and Deceit/Self. When mother dear isn’t around, it’s up to the one of the fathers to sort things out.  Janus is strange, as in he’s the one who gives the hints something isn’t quiet right. Though it’s unknown if these are his actions or not. He seems to like challenging kids that come to the Pocket World to think about what they are seeing and why. Yet does it a very coy way. Then there are days he’ll do a 180 and ask you not to question anything and actively lie about things. His buttons are dark gold with black thread, and he does have scales on his face still. Though, to a kid that’s nothing. Patton is cheerful and bubbly, his dinners are always the best as is his sweets. He’s the one that mostly sticks to Logan the most, and enjoys gardening also. He’s the first to make sure one doesn’t question, easily deflecting odd things, and is great at distracting people. He is Nostalgia after all, his areas when your near him make you feel so happy and get you lost in happy moments. His buttons are light blue with dark blue tread.  Both take on forms of a Frog and Snake when angry, which are terrifying. Their skin is also very rubbery feeling. Other Brother: Virgil Sanders  Virgil here is the youngest, looking like he’s only 15 or 16. He’s been here the shortest... and looks oddly like a kid that went missing back in the early 2000′s. The Family calls his Anxiety, and he’s rather withdrawn. But does enjoy playing video games or board games with Patton, Janus, and Logan.  Soft spoken, sarcastic, and a little emo spiderling, he’s adored by Patton mostly. Who calls him the ‘Dark Strange Son’ alot. Virgil seems rather happy in the Other World. Stating to little Thomas that this world is much better than anything he could dream of. He’s however hesitant to answer questions about things not inside the Other World. Telling Thomas to not think about that, and just be happy. He enjoys his room/the attic, and outside in the front yard. When angry, Virgil is the one with the spider form, taking on a more glass like look and his skin is cold to the touch. His buttons are dark purple with light purple thread. 

Other Twins: Roman and Remus Sanders The two Creativity Rascals, they are slightly older then Virgil, but much younger than Janus and Patton. They can warp reality around them when in their favorite spots, be it the Basement for Remus, or the Woods for Roman. Their rooms are actually in the basement in the door near the left side of the house. While Virgil's is in the attic. They serve as the entertainment, coming up with ideas on the fly to go on adventures, play dragons and knights, or kings and castles. The forest, quiet literally, is their playground. Having their own fort and castle there, and a while bunch of land to cover.  The twins play fight alot, but they get along very well and are rather close to one another. And are like the cool older brothers who have alot of fun, but are happy to let the youngers join them.  Both have tentacles in this one, though Remus is more slimy than his brother. And when they open their extra mouths on their body when angry, it’s very scary. Roman’s buttons are red with green thread, while Remus is green with red thread. And their skin is like plastic almost.  Coraline: Thomas Anderson  He’s about 12 in this one, just moved to the country side in a little blue house on the back dirt roads. This town is dreadfully boring, with dull, muted colors, always over cast and rainy. It’s like all the happiness has been sucked out of it and left to decay.  Thomas is not upset about the move, as he never had many friends, if any, from his old home. He’s mostly upset with the fact he’s just dull, he’s not allowed to be colorful. And to top it off, his parents aren’t always there emotionally for him. Leaving him completely isolated, even more so when he’s a closeted gay in a very religious family.  So when he finds a world where everything is colorful, with three dads, well two and a mom, a family who cares about him, he’s excited. Maybe this move won’t be so bad.

Plot: The idea in my head is that Thomas has moved with his parents to a rather nice when hie father got a promotion. But, like most typical rich families, he’s not really paid attention to. And Thomas feels mostly left out, having no friends to call his own, and just his imagination and books to keep him busy.  When exploring his new house, finding the attic and basement locked, and a small golden key, he finds a little door. It’s been walled off, which is a bummer. That is until the middle of the night, when Thomas follows a shadow to the door. Finding it leads to a world that is perfect. The world represents everything Thomas wants, brothers, Roman, Remus, and Virgil. Fathers, Patton and Janus, and a mother, Logan, who actually cares about him. He isn’t sure if this is some very real dream or not. But he’s not complaining, he feels welcomed instantly byt he family.  Taken on adventures with Roman and Remus, playing games with Virgil and learning knew things from Logan, helping Patton cook, and Janus teaches him music and among other things. But when after a week of this, Thomas starts to see strange cracks in their personalities. And when they one day ask if he wants to stay forever and be part of their family, it meets getting this pink buttons in his eyes. He’s terrified, and now wonders if he’ll ever escape... or even if he wants to. Notes:

So I’m not sure how I want it to be played out. If the Others are truly evil in just that they want to kidnap Thomas just because they are selfish and/or turn him into a doll.  OR if I want it to be well meaning sinister, where they think they are doing Thomas a favor by taking him away from his neglectful family. 

One thing to note is they do really like Thomas, regardless of intentions, they do like him. And either way, they want him to stay forever.

Now, I’m not sure if I want with the Other Father for Patton to be controlling Janus or Janus to be controlling Patton. One of them is well aware of what they are doing, but can’t go against the wishes of their controller or Logan. While they are happy, the idea of luring kids tends to hurt them inside.

The Other World is bigger than Thomas things, he’s just in a small area that belongs to Logan. There are MANY others out there. Who lure people away into their realm, for better or worse. It’s like it’s own reality, only everything is just perfect. It’s like a nostalgic trap, much like Patton’s room only worse.

Logan is the main guy, he’s been at this for a long time, and either Patton or Janus is their partner depending on who is controlling who. He mainly lures kids as he likes the taste of their humanity. It’s what he feeds off of, draining them of their everything, and making them like dolls, only with a semi soul. Any who does this too becomes his kid or helper. Logan is fine with this, he enjoys having a family. And he only has to feed every few decades or so. He’s been around for a long time. Most of his ‘kids’ have grown up, and become true Others who have their own areas. Virgil, Roman, and Remus though are still MUCH too young for such a thing.  Others are NOT human, nor are they ‘aliens’ either. Best thing I can think of are like Fae, only... less magical as we know it. They are creatures who feed off of emotions and the essences that make people human. Which is why they all feel like dolls. 

Others are near immortal should they feed properly, and Others areas tend to just attract people to them. Some go after teens, others kids, some adults, taste is everything. Adults tend to be more fulling, but can be bitter and sour tasting, Teens are half and half depending on situation, and are often spicy tasting. While kids are very sweet, and typically are fulling also depending on how well you’ve gained their trust. If you can get them to agree to being an other, even better.  It’s harder than it sounds though.

Each Other does have a specific power that they use. Which I am still hashing out in my head. 

They rarely get angry, but boy is it scary when they do. 

The key only is Thomas’s interpretation of the entrance way, it can be anything to get into the Other World. It’s all up to the person in how THEY think to get in. It could be walking through two trees making a hole in them, opening a door that is only unlocked on certain days, or even just crawling under your bed. It’s up to the seeker how they wish to get in, which is why the Other World can stay in one spot, no matter the house or thing built on it. 

There is no real moral code for Others, their world is very well hidden. But they are very protective of their charges when they find the right type of feed off of. Logan gets extremely possessive of Thomas when he shows up, not as in he punishes the others, but if Thomas ever thinks about leaving or tries too, Logan would lock him up until Thomas gives into despair. 

If they are being unruly or try to escape, one way to get them ot agree is by isolating them, and cutting them off from happiness. Which makes kids and teens want to stay once they leave their isolation. Logan dislikes doing this, but going without a food source is rather painful, and he’d rather not put himself or his partner through that. So if he must, he will make sure the target stays. Even if it won’t be as filling as if they agreed willingly. 

Also, their areas is often where their power is the strongest.

-0-0-0-0-0-

So Yeah, there it is, if you guys have any question just let me know. And this goes to @fangirltothefullest who when I mentioned this idea to her really wanted to see this.  I still need more for it, but I like the concept of it, it’s much different from the books, but that’s what makes it interesting. Could easily be Angst with Happy Ending. Could even get more sinister than this. We’ll see. Might post more about this later. And fanart is well loved, I can draw, but not well enough in my mind lol. 

#fangirltothefullest #sander sides au #sander sides coraline au #logan sanders #virgil anxiety #roman sanders #remus sanders #Janus Sanders #deceit sanders #patton sanders #patton morality sanders #logan logic sanders #roman creativity sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #thomas sanders au #ts logan #ts roman #ts patton #ts remus #ts janus #ts deceit #ts virgil #long post #unsympathetic logan

[hidden-otaku-stuff]

Lockscreens (ch. 1)

tw: Like one swear word

Word count: 2.8k

Genre: Angst, fluff

All trigger warnings will be tagged and posted at the beginning of each chapter! This will have *manga spoilers*

Pairings: Bokuto x fem!reader, Kuroo x fem!reader

Summary: Nearly four years ago, Bokuto left the love of his life for volleyball. Despite all the time, he’s still very much in love with her. He comes home to a major surprise leaving him wondering…What happened while he was gone?

Masterlist | next

ch. 1: The Return (Present)

Bokuto stepped off of the bus, eagerly looking around at the familiar sight. He was finally back where he belonged. Of course, he’d visited Tokyo since he'd left, but never for more than a day or two. It had only taken him three years, seven months, and twenty-six days to get back. “Oi, Bokkun!” Bokuto turned, facing the setter. “Where ya headed?”

“Just some places here and there.” With that, he spun on his heel and darted away.

“That was fast.” Meian commented, getting off the bus only to see his team-mate’s back. He clapped, addressing the rest of the team, “get your bags, we’re going to go check into the hotel. You’re all free until warm-ups at 3!” 

A few streets away, Bokuto spied the familiar yellow sign of his favorite bakery. His heart warmed as he stepped in, closing his eyes as the nostalgic scent of bread filled him. He’d visited other bakeries, seen new things, but nothing beat nostalgia. Bokuto couldn’t remember the first time he had been there, but he always remembered visiting here with Akaashi and (Name) on their free days. Quickly, he placed an order for some data andagi, anpan, and melonpan. A child’s cry distracted him as he stepped away from the counter, pocketing his wallet. Golden eyes widened at the sight. “Kuroo?” 

The male was currently bent over, wiping chocolate off a child’s face. At the sound of his name, he looked up to make eye-contact with the ace. “Bokuto?” As he stood up, Bokuto made his way over to him. “Oh wow, you’re back!” Kuroo greeted him, throwing an arm around the professional volleyball player and pulling him into his side, the other hand clasped onto the child’s shoulder.

Bokuto pulled away, punching the former middle blocker in the shoulder. “You didn’t tell me you had a kid!” He bent down, “hi! I’m Bokuto.” 

The child waved with pudgy hands, fingers outreached in a grabbing motion towards Bokuto’s hair as his golden eyes glowed. “Ah, sorry, he must be interested in your hair.” Kuroo’s hyena laugh filled the bakery. “He always messes with Kenma’s hair whenever we visit him, isn’t that right, little one?” Bokuto smiled, leaning his head down more so that the child could run his fingers through it. “Introduce yourself, just like how Mom taught you.”

“I’m Kuroo Hikori!” Hikori’s eyes squinted as a wide smile took up his features. A bit of chocolate was still smeared in the corner of his mouth.

“He’s a handsome little rascal,” Bokuto laughed, standing back up to ruffle Hikori’s (h/c) hair. “How old is he?”

“He definitely takes after his mom.  He’s three, he’ll be four in a few weeks.” Kuroo’s eyes flickered for a moment before his face became more serious, hoisting Hikori onto his hip. “I didn’t know you were back in Tokyo.”

Bokuto nodded aggressively, hair flowing with the movement. “We have a game today! I’ll be back for a month or so.” Bokuto’s order was called. “Say, have you seen—” Bokuto was interrupted by a ringing phone.

“Oh shoot, I gotta go! Hikori has a doctor’s appointment and I’m running late.” With an apologetic smile, Kuroo picked up his bag of pastries and headed out the door. A final wave from both Kuroos before he disappeared from sight. Bokuto sighed. He hadn’t talked to her in years. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. There was nothing more that he wanted than to be with her. No...that was a lie. He had chosen volleyball over her. Bokuto let out an elongated sigh. His order was called again, and he picked it up, heading back to the hotel.

****

“Why does Bokkun look so depressed?” Atsumu bounced the volleyball, glancing at the wing-spiker. Hinata shrugged, stretching. Sakusa glanced over before he continued his own stretches. Bokuto’s hair was drooping, shoulders hunched over as he half-heartedly bit into a bun. 

“Bokuto! You better not be eating that right now, we’re supposed to be warming up,” Meian scowled as he stood in front of the wing-spiker. Bokuto just made a depressed noise as he shoved the rest of the bun into his mouth. Meian took a seat beside him, grabbing the rest of the pastries and putting it outside his reach. “What’s going on?” 

“Sometimes I wonder if going pro was worth it.” Bokuto muttered, looking down at his hands. Calluses decorated them, representing the years of hard work he’s put into it.

“You love volleyball right?” A half-hearted grunt. “Why are you feeling this way?”

Bokuto sighed, eyes meeting his captain’s. “I left the love of my life to play volleyball.”

“(Name)?” Hinata came over now, continuing his stretches in front of the bench. Another distressed noise. “Are you guys still together?” 

Bokuto’s face flushed as he squeezed his eyes shut. “I ghosted her after the first month of training.” 

“Why would you do that?” Sakusa came over, still standing a bit far from the group. Bokuto just shrugged.

“I was just always so busy with my training that it got harder and harder to keep in contact so I just...stopped trying.” 

“I heard that she’s still in Tokyo! Maybe you can meet up with her sometime,” Hinata offered. 

“What if she doesn’t want to see me?” Bokuto whispered, “It’s been so long now.”  

“Well, there’s nothing you can do about that.” Meian clapped a hand over his shoulder. “Win the match today and get your girl back. We have a month break after this match so you can spend time here anyways.” He pushed Bokuto off the bench. “Go do your stretching, and don’t text her until we finish this match.” With a deep sigh, Bokuto went through the motions. Hinata crouched in front of him as Bokuto stretched.

“(Name) always loved you,” Hinata reminded the ace. “Even before you guys got together. Everyone could tell. If it’s still the same, then she’ll give you a second chance.” With that, Hinata ran off to bother Atsumu. 

“(Nickname), (Nickname), (Nickname)!” Bokuto turned, eyes sparkling as he waved to the manager. She was standing beside the Fukurodani managers, chatting. At his voice, she turned to him, sending him a little wave. “Did you see that?” He bounced, pointing at the ball on the other side.

“Nice kill!” (Name) cheered, her hands cupping her mouth so that her voice carried.

“Bokuto-san, we’re in the middle of the game.”

“Oh right!” Bokuto waved again at the managers. “Watch this!”

“I’ll block you out,” Kuroo smirked, facing Bokuto across the net. It was the annual summer training camp during their third year with Nekoma and Fukurodani facing each other. 

“Akaashi! Give me another one,” Bokuto called over his shoulder, flexing his shoulders as gold eyes met hazel. 

After they won, he scampered over to the girl, scooping her into his arms as he swung her around. (Name) dropped her clipboard in favor of wrapping her arms around his neck. “Kou!” She squealed, drawing the attention of the other teams. Akaashi rolled his eyes, a small smile playing on his face. Konoha smirked, nudging their team-mates as they drank their water and wiped their sweat off. The Nekoma boys had left to do their penalty run, with Kuroo throwing the couple one last glance before leading them out.

“Why doesn’t she come to more of our games?” Konoha whispered to Akaashi.

“Well, she is the manager of a different team,” Akaashi pointed out as they watched the pair of friends. Bokuto had placed her down with her back against his chest; his arms were tightly wound around her waist. Her hands rested on top of his, their fingers intertwined. Bokuto’s face nuzzled into her neck causing redness to creep up on both of their faces and necks. The pair chatted with the Fukurodani managers as they all complimented and encouraged him. 

“Is Bokuto-san dating (Name)-san?” Hinata crept over to the group, looking between Akaashi and the two.

“No, they’re just really close friends,” Akaashi corrected, his eyes glinting with amusement.

“Oh really? They look so in love.” Hinata commented, brown eyes focused on the ace. Bokuto’s head was thrown back in laughter. One of her hands crept up to pat his face as she talked to Kaori. “He’s always looking for her and she’s always watching him, even when Nekoma’s playing the other teams.” 

Konoha snickered. “Yeah, and she always gives him extra food at meals. They might as well be dating.” 

“It’s been like that for years, if I recall correctly,” Akaashi pointed out. “They’ll get there,” He mused as he played with his fingers. “At their own pace.” 

****

It was a hard-earned win. Sweat dripped down all of their foreheads as they made their way into the locker room. “Let’s go get some yakiniku!” Sakusa shuddered at the prospect of getting more filthy but agreed.

Bokuto’s eyes sparkled. “I know a great place!” After the team had showered and changed, they took the bus to the restaurant. The team made their way inside, having called for a table in advance. Bokuto stood in front of it, remembering the last time he had been there. 

“Bokuto-san, you have to eat.” Akaashi sat directly in front of the ace, who had his head on the table. It had taken Konoha and Yukie to drag their downtrodden captain into the restaurant and forcibly seat him. Akaashi had hoped that the prospect of yakiniku - Bokuto’s favorite food - would be enough to bring him out of his emo-mode, but it was easily apparent that it wasn’t. He pinched his nose, pulling out his phone as he called for reinforcements. Akaashi glanced at the other phone he held while he listened to the phone ringing. On the screen stared back a photo of (Name) and Bokuto. They were both wearing yukatas and holding up matching candy apples. In her arms was a plush owl. Wide smiles breached their faces. 

“Hello (Name)-san, I’m sorry to bother you. Are you busy right now?”

“I just finished my exam, what’s up?” 

Akaashi sighed, eyeing his captain. “We lost the match earlier.”

“I see. How’s Kou?”

“Do you mind stopping by?” 

She hummed, walking off-campus. “Of course. Is it at the usual?”

“Yes. Thank you so much (Name)-san.” 

“I’ll see you soon, Akaashi. Just keep taking care of him for me, okay?” 

“(Name)-san will be here soon,” Akaashi whispered to Yukie, slipping his phone back into his bag. “Bokuto-san, we’re going to order now. I’ll get you your favorite, okay?” Bokuto let out a half-hearted sigh, nodding while letting his face press harder into the table. The team eyed each other. Just as the food arrived, the door opened to reveal (Name). Akaashi let out a sigh of relief, standing up and waving her over. “(Name)-san!” 

At the sound of her name, Bokuto’s head jerked up, turning to the girl. “(Nickname)! What are you doing here?” 

“Hey Kou,” she sent him a soft smile, sliding into the seat besides him. She grabbed one of his hands. “So what is this I hear about you not wanting to eat?” 

Bokuto buried his face into her shoulder, feeling her hand rub her back. “I don’t wanna.”

“But it’s yakiniku, your favorite,” she murmured, pressing a kiss to his head. “C’mon Kou, the sooner you eat, the sooner your muscles can repair themselves and you can get back to practicing if that’s what you want.” Her eyes met Akaashi, who sent her a curt nod. “You’re the best ace out there, Kou. One point, one game, won’t change that.” 

Bokuto raised his head, eyes glistening. “You’re right.” He beamed at his team-mates. “Let’s eat!” He eagerly loaded his plate, taking a bite out of the meat. Bokuto swallowed, looking at the girl. “Thanks for coming.”

(Name) laughed softly, gently pushing his hair away from his face. “Sorry I missed the match, but you know I’ll always be here for you no matter what. I really care about you.”

With a deep sigh, he wandered in only to hear that all-too familiar laugh. His head swung around, spotting Kuroo seated at a table along with Hikori. “Hey Kuroo! Fancy seeing you again.” Bokuto made his way over, elbowing Kuroo in the shoulder. Kuroo’s eyes widened. His tongue darted out to moisten his lips. 

“Well hello to you too, you loud owl.” 

Bokuto turned his attention to Hikori, a bright smile on his face. “Hello again Hikori! What a coincidence to see you here again.” Hikori waved to the other male.

“Yes, a coincidence,” he heard Kuroo whisper under his breath. 

“You never mentioned who your wife was, is she here? I wanna meet the woman who stole your heart,” Bokuto bounced eagerly. A loud noise distracted the owl as the pair both turned to the MSBY table. His eyes widened, jaw dropping. Standing there being embraced by Hinata was her. Atsumu was standing beside them. Forgetting about the conversation he was having, his feet were drawn to her. “(Name)?” At the sound of his voice, she froze, looking over at him.

“Koutarou!” Hinata let her go at this point, taking a step back to stand with Atsumu. Atsumu looked slightly suspicious, whereas the orange-headed male quivered with excitement. Bokuto stopped a few paces from her, hands outstretched in a hug before he clasped them together and brought them to his chest.

“What...what are you doing here?” 

A soft smile made its way onto her face. “I’m just getting dinner with Tetsu.”

“Tetsu?” The name felt foreign, his mouth drying at it. “Are you guys…” A shy nod as she tucked her hair behind her ear. The glitter of gold on her finger caught his eyes.

“The guys were just telling me about the match. Sounds like you’re killing it, Kou.” She waved at Kuroo, holding a finger up. Kuroo returned the wave, waiting patiently at the door. “Anyways, I have to go. It was nice seeing you again Hinata-kun, Atsumu-kun! Feel free to stop by the clinic for some adjustments! Have fun.” She hugged Bokuto, the male freezing at her touch. “I’ll see you later, Kou.” With that, she took her leave.

Atsumu snorts, sitting down. “Isn’t that the (Name) you used to date?” Bokuto slowly slid into a seat, nodding slightly as his legs bounced anxiously.

A low whistle. “Damn, she ditched ya for yer best friend? How cold.” At that, Bokuto shot up and out of the restaurant.

“(Name)!” 

At this point, she was already down the street, holding hands with Kuroo. She glanced over her shoulder and whispered something to Kuroo, pressing soft lips to his cheek. Kuroo sighed, nodding as he relinquished his grip on his wife. “What’s up?” 

“I didn’t know you and Kuroo started seeing each other.”

She shifted uncomfortably. “Well, after being ghosted for awhile, I got tired of waiting. I didn’t see a reason to tell you.” He gulped, face darkening as the light in his eyes dimmed. “I figured you were off doing bigger and better things, and I wanted you to have your freedom to do so.” A soft smile hid the water that was collecting in her eyes. 

“I’m..I’m sorry.” She waved it off. Her mouth opened, as if to say more, only to be interrupted with the cry of her child. With a hastily muttered goodbye, she jogged back to rejoin Kuroo and Hikori. Hikori’s hands reached out to you, pouting and calling ‘Mama’ until she scooped him up. Kuroo wrapped an arm around her waist, kissing her forehead as they walked off together. Bokuto retreated back into the restaurant, deflating. 

Atsumu waved a phone in his face. “Looks like they’ve been together for awhile.” The setter had pulled up her Instagram page. Bokuto pushed the phone away, grumbling. Under different circumstances, Atsumu would’ve teased Bokuto, but upon seeing how broken the wing-spiker was, he bit his tongue and the team half-heartedly enjoyed their celebratory dinner. After a few hours and several pitchers of beer later, Bokuto was being supported by Meian and Atsumu. “Ya didn’t hafta get shit-faced,” the setter scowled, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand as they dropped Bokuto unceremoniously onto his hotel bed.

Bokuto groaned, pulling his phone out to send one final text before his eyes shuttered close, phone still in hand. “Can we talk?” 

Across the city, a lock-screen lit up. Under the text notification, a photo of Kuroo, Hikori, and (Name) lit up. Kuroo had Hikori in his lap, taking a selfie as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Kuroo’s lips were pressed to her cheek.

A/N: Hikori means ‘abundant joy’! This story will feature a lot of flashbacks and time-skips. If you’re confused, please let me know! Taglist: @toaster-stick @thatartsybitch @brazil-hinata @sawamooora @lastminaddition 

Please message me or send me an ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist! 💞

#bokuto #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto fluff #bokuto angst #bokuto koutarou fluff #bokuto koutarou angst #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo tetsurou angst #kuroo tetsurou fluff #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu angst #kuroo #kuroo fluff #kuroo angst #nekoma #fukurodani #platonic akashi #bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #hidden-otaku-stuff #angst #fluff #lockscreens

[kaylorrehabcenter]

Rating Every Song on Fearless Based on How Gay it is

Hello friends! I still have a few song analyses in the pipeline (and one on Lover the album) but today in honor of Fearless (Taylor’s Edition) being announced and Love Story being released in a few hours I thought I’d do something fun to celebrate!

And you know what? Fuck my usual disclaimer, I am the word of god here. Try and change my mind about any of these. I dare you. (I kid I kid this isn’t that serious and you’re free to disagree <3)

1. Fearless 15/10

Everything about this song is so fucking gay oh my god. This isn’t a fruit, this is a whole ass edible arrangement. As a small rural town Gay (my hometown has a population of less that 4,000 and where I’m living now has a population of 2,500) this uh. Hits.

“And I don't know how it gets better than this/You take my hand and drag me head first, fearless”

Y’ALL

The idea of falling in love with someone who makes you less afraid of your homophobic small town…….it’s getting to me.

“My hands shake, I'm not usually this way but/You pull me in and I'm a little more brave/It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really something/It's fearless”

This is making me emotional, I'll be honest. I see so much of my friends and my experience in high school in this song. 

This quote I found on genius is from when the album was released on BMR’s website.

“When I wrote ‘Fearless,’ I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven’t had yet.”

This just screams baby Tay writing gay folklore to me, about the gay stories she wish she had. Notice how there are no pronouns in this song??? Fruity I’m telling you.

All that to say. I’m crying because the linear note says “I loved you before I met you” and I want to go listen to Long Story Short and cry now.

2. Fifteen 1/10

Objectively pretty straight as she’s singing about her and Abigail’s dating boys in HS. And Taylor got with a senior guy. Good for her I suppose.

Unless he was one of the shitty ones in which case.

“This is life before you know who you're gonna be”

This however, is a cute line and the whole song makes me warm and nostalgic. You can also hear her crying after the line “and Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” which makes me emo and I’m sure will take on new depth after Abigail’s divorce and hurt me even more.

Other highlights that make me sob include.

“When all you wanted was to be wanted/Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now/Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday/But I realized some bigger dreams of mine”

Bigger dreams of hers indeed :’)

(Also how can you say she’s a gold star lesbian when this song exists. She was obviously dating boys in high school and even if you think she’s a lesbian. Comp het is a hell of a drug kids.)

3. Love Story 8/10

Tried to change the ending indeed.

This is THE Taylor Swift song, and maybe it’s the nostalgia talking but damn I still love it. Written because she wanted to change the ending of Romeo and Juliet (how anyone likes RandJ enough to want to rewrite I have no clue.) and/or because her parents didn’t approve of a guy she was seeing. (according to genius, it would’ve been too early for Joe J so it could possibly be Boys Like Girls frontman, his image did clash with hers and they did release some cute songs together. However if you want my take it’s probably folklore about Emily, take for what you will)

This song has very oft gay vibes with the ‘They don’t approve of our love angle!’ but uses male pronouns so points redacted for that. HOWEVER this is a very early use of ~the male perspective~ in Taylor’s songs and for that it deserves all the love.

“ So I sneak out to the garden to see you/We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew/So close your eyes/Escape this town for a little while”

More rural town angst!!!

Nothing gets me more than rural town angst.

“Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel/This love is difficult, but it's real”

Originally the lyric was “this love is different”. Granted I do not remember the source, i’s just lore implanted into my brain, but make of that what you will.

“"Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone/I love you, and that's all I really know/I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress/It's a love story, baby, just say "Yes"”

Marry me Juliet from the male perspective :)

Also worth noting. This is Karlie’s (and Kim K’s lmao) favorite Taylor song which. While basic as hell. Makes this cover sad as hell to this former Kaylor. (thanks @swiftgron-get-married for the tears <3)

Also not to make this about a man AGAIN but the secret message is “Some day I’ll find this” AND SHE DID IM CRYING.

4. Hey Stephen 1/10

The one thing Camilla Cabello and I have in common is loving this song, so I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

This song is very painfully straight.

How can you think this woman is a gold star lesbian.

The only noteworthy thing is that this is one of the few songs she confirms who it’s about. The secret message is “Love and Theft” which is the name of a country music duo who went on to open her Fearless tour. Which, does make me side eye this song a little bit.

Still a cute song.

“Hey Stephen, boy, you might have me believing/I don't always have to be alone”

5. White Horse 1/10

Oh look. It’s track five. 

You know maybe this is just me being a bitch but in my ranking of track fives this is. Pretty low. Maybe on the bottom.

Like I don’t have a lot to say about it. 

She’s going through it over a guy. He was a cheating dickweazel. 

“'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale/I'm gonna find someone someday/Who might actually treat me well”

“Try and catch me now, oh/It's too late/To catch me now”

These lines hit though!!

And she found Joe!! Who treats her well!!!! And she isn’t the princess, she’s the prince who dropped her sword and knocked on her door!!! But this time if they come for them she’s ready!!!

Yes I will make every song about Long Story Short <3

6. You Belong With Me 5/10

Ah yes. The other THE Taylor Swift song.

You know. If I went to a high school with a cheerleading squad. And I had a crush on a cheerleader. I would blast this song. So for that it gets a 5/10. Otherwise. Fairly straight and fairly iconic.

7. Breathe 8/10

Well. We know this one is about a woman. (Emily Poe for those not in the know. Ha. A rhyme!) That alone has an 8/10. And it’s the first time she has a featured artist so bonus points for that!

It was nominated for a Grammy and it fucking lost to Jason Mraz. When’s the last time you thought about Jason Mraz.

I will not have Kaylor feels on a fucking Fearless song but damn is it VERY easy.

“Never a clean break, no one here to save me/You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand”

“It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend/Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me”

Also this bridge? Goes off. HIGHLY underrated. 

8. Tell Me Why 3/10

You know. Maybe this album isn’t as gay as I once thought.

This song does bop though, not as good as her other angry songs on this album. But I can vibe with this you know. Why are you being an asshole mysterious man.

“You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day”

This has to be one of baby Tay’s best burns. Damn. 

“Why do you have to make me feel small/So you can feel whole inside?/Why do you have to put down my dreams/So you're the only thing on my mind?”

Men ain’t shit kids. However, bonus points for the shade. 

9. You’re not Sorry 1/10

Ok, ok. Maybe this was a foolish endeavor.

Because yet again we have a very straight song. A good song. That was on Taylor’s episode of CSI. But oh dear. Very straight. Gets a measly one point. We started this post off so very very gay but damn. We seem to be nearing the end on a very straight note.

10. The Way I Loved You 20/10

Hey Remember what I said about this album being very straight.

WELL THAT WAS A LIE.

Is this a comphet album or am I projecting.

This is one of my favorite baby gay Taylor songs. Her masterful use of pronouns (he is sensible! And so incredible! And all my single friends are jealous! But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, when it was two am and I was cursing your name!) makes the other person she’s singing about completely vague, while we know she isn’t happy with whichever guy she’s dating.

Mayhaps an early reaction to PRomances?

Either way this song is so good, truly an underrated gay gem I mean. Look at it.

“Breaking down and coming undone/It's a roller coaster kind of rush/And I never knew I could feel that much/And that's the way I loved you”

AND THE BRIDGE. Do all of her gay songs just have kickass bridges?

“He can't see the smile I'm faking/And my heart's not breaking/'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all/And you were wild and crazy/Just so frustrating/Intoxicating, complicated/Got away by some mistake and now…”

Damn. I’m imaging this with 2020 vocals and fucking ascending.

Also please watch the live performance of it from the Fearless tour. It’s such a damn shame this got cut from the movie and some woman in the front row is wearing a cowboy hat. Everyone is holding up those cameras everyone had to have before smartphones. Taylor is being endearing. It’s a good time.

11. Forever and Always 6/10

Bonus points for the ~drama~ of it all. Added last minute to the album? The iconic throwing of the chair in live performances?? All of it very dramatique and for that we stan.

Still pretty straight.

Also Joe Jonas responded to the song and why do I find his response so damn funny. “It’s part of being a musician, I guess. You write songs about each other.”

This is another song where the idea of Taylor’s grown up vocals on this is………..whew

12. The Best Day 0/10

This gets zero points because it’s about her literal mom.

Still makes me cry.

God bless Andrea Swift indeed

13. Change 13/10

We start the official tracklist with a gay song. We end it with a gay song.

We will ignore that it was originally written for Scott and BMR and instead induct it into the hall of gay pride anthems, as it should be. 

“We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found/They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared/You can walk away, say we don't need this/But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this”

“This revolution, the time will come/For us to finally win/And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah”

The music video is cringe though lol

14. Jump then Fall 10/10

This song is gay because I choose it to be. <3

Like. Picture baby Taylor writing this song and playing it on her guitar to a girl she has a crush on telling her that she’ll protect her and they’ll be safe and in love and happy together. Gah, maybe I’m ~projecting~ but this sweet ass song always gets me and is EASILY in my top five Taylor songs. Super underrated and hecking cute. 

“We're on the phone and without a warning/I realize your laugh is the best sound/I have ever heard”

Like. Look at this shit.

“I watch you talk, you didn't notice/I hear the words but all I can think is/We should be together”

Tell me this is about the first time you get a crush on a girl and she’s your best friend and she’s amazing and beautiful and you realize you kinda want to kiss her and you hope she wants to kiss you too.

“I had time to think it oh, over/And all I can say is come closer/Take a deep breath and jump then fall into me”

And she’s the Romeo who's going to protect her!!!!! She’s the knight in shining armor in this song and I love that for her??

“The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet/I'll catch you, I'll catch you/When people say things that bring you to your knees/I'll catch you/The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry/But I'll hold you through the night until you smile”

I won’t divulge into full on analysis here because. This is what this post is about but PLEASE listen to this song more. It’s such a gay little gem.

15. Untouchable 9/10

How does she make a cover sound gay.

It sounds so gay.

“You got to come on, come on, say that we'll be together/Come on, come on, little taste of heaven”

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

16. Forever and Always Piano Version 1/10

This song gets 1/10 because I don’t like it. There. I said it.

17. Come in With the Rain 3/10

I can see why this is a bonus track. It doesn’t hit me as much as the other songs on the album.

But damn if I don’t want to scream sing this one driving down a high way.

18. Superstar 7/10

You can’t tell me this song is about a man. I simply won’t entertain the idea.

You cannot prove to me that this song is about a man. There is not a male pronoun in sight. 

>:)

19. The Other Side of the Door 6/10

Is this song about having a fight about being in the closet? Probably not. Will my gay little brain make it about that? Yep!

And that, funky little queer pals, is my gay rating of every Fearless song. Like and subscribe, #t3atmidnight

#long post // #fearless the album #gaylor #what do i tag this for it to show up for peope?? #gay rating

[moth-based-cryptology]

modern!racetrack higgins music hcs

so we’ve already established that i love him to pieces but we haven’t established that i relate to him on a molecular level so here we go everyone (let me know if this is HELLA out of character or if you just hate this please asdfghjkl;)

boy has loads of super specific playlists on spotify with custom titles and images that fit the vibe perfectly

his most listened to playlist is actually his rap playlist (it’s the busiest and the longest, it distracts his brain enough for him to carry a typical conversation without a lot of tangent and things)

speaking of rap, he can rap really fast and learns the lyrics incredibly quickly (i’m a btc race person but breslin’s rap skills needed some homage)

he went through the mandetory “emo/scene kid phase” in 7th or 8th grade and while he eventually stopped wearing all black all the time and the dreaded g u y l i n e r he still listens to a lot of punk rock music from the mid-2000s

he listened to 7 rings by ariana grande once ironically and now genuinely enjoys all of her music

he has a lot of very strong opinions on different types of music and if you let him talk for long enough you can find a lot out about him as a person through his music taste

take me to church by hozier (and the rest of hozier’s discography, really) reasonates with him on a deep personal level

also seeing straight cis people claim take me to church when it’s blatently about repression makes his blood boil

he and albert once made a bet that he couldn’t listen to one album on repeat for a month straight. albert lost the bet cause the day he said it was the same day eminem dropped his surprise kamikaze album and race spent the entire month memorizing all the words and screaming them in albert’s face to prove a point

for everyone’s birthday during his senior year race made them personalized playlists specific to things that reminded him of them or memories they had together (this is how he confessed to albert, but that’s not the point. also jack cried the first time he listened to the playlist but would rather die than admit it.)

race enjoys musical theater, and his favorite musicals are heathers and legally blonde

he has a playlist dedicated to the theme songs from his favorite nostalgic shows, and he plays the drake and josh theme every single day during his lunch period to the entire mess hall

#newsies #livesies #race #racetrack higgins #ben tyler cook #ryan breslin #albert dasilva #jack kelly #music #headcanons #hozier #ariana grande #eminem #legally blonde #heathers #drake and josh #i have a lot of feelings about race and music so why not combine the two #projecting #just a little #still feels pretty in character but lmk ig

[little-kat07]

The Perfect Cake

[OH MY GOD GUYS LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!! 

A couple days ago, i suddenly remembered that I HAVE AN AO3 ACCOUNT. I completely forgot I had one. So I went back and looked at my works and holy hell guys, I had a ONESHOT BOOK! BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT ONESHOTS WERE SO I CALLED THEM ‘Sanders Stories’, BECAUSE THEY WERE SANDERS SIDES. THEY’RE KIND OF CRAPPY BUT ALSO REALLY NOSTALGIC AND I’M SO HAPPY I FOUND THEM!!!!

This one particular one is called “The Perfect Cake,” and i’m actually kind of proud of past me for it, even though it’s not that good. It’s fluffy Logicality with a gallon of Patton angst because that is literally all I’m good at writing.

So I’m going to leave this here, as well as a link to the book! GUYS I’M JUST SO HAPPY!]

[In case you’re confused, the link I send will be to the whole book so the first chapter isn’t the one that I’m pasting here. This chapter, The Perfect Cake, is the second oneshot and the first one is prinxiety]

Link to book

---

Pairings: Logicality

TW: Baking, feelings of worthlessness, crying, birthday, breakdown

Summary: It’s Logan’s birthday tomorrow, and Patton is determined to bake the PERFECT cake for it (Even if he hasn’t baked that much before.) He’s trying his best, but he can’t do it alone.

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Patton stood in the center of the kitchen.

He often had the same feeling in his stomach before he cooked something big; He had to mentally prepare himself for hours of work.

Logan's Birthday was tomorrow, and Patton had to make it the best possible birthday! This was the anniversary of the first day Thomas went to preschool- the day Logan was formed.

Patton remembered that day like it was yesterday. He remembered a small toddler with an intelligent sparkle in his eye knocking on the door of the commons, he remembered how he swore Patton's hugs might suffocate someone. He remembered growing up with him, and slowly falling in love, and-

Shoot. No. These emotions weren't logical, it was impossible for Logan to like Patton back. He had to stop thinking like that.

Illogical feelings or not, tomorrow was Logan's day to shine, and it had to be perfect. Patton had to bake the most amazing, most beautiful, most delicious cake ever to grace the Mind-scape.

Patton took a deep breath and got to work.

After a few hours, Patton had been worked to death. He had been trying and trying to make the perfect cake, but it was always just wrong, or the product of a mistake. His pink apron was wrinkled and dirty, and he had streaks of batter all over his face. He had started at 6 am, and it was now 8. He sighed and rubbed his face, grateful that he still had his optimism.

"Patton? You ok, Padre?"

Patton turned to find Roman standing in the kitchen doorway, eyes sparking with worry.

Patton smiled. "Oh, I'm alright, kiddo. Just trying to bake a cake for Logan. I can't seem to get it right."

Roman smirked and came in. "Want some help? I've never baked before, but I'll help if it's bothering you."

Patton grinned and gave the Prince a huge hug. "Thank you so much, kiddo! I'm sure you will be a great help!"

Oh, how wrong Patton had been.

Virgil had often joked about how Roman wouldn't stop singing to save his life, and Patton was pretty sure that was true. Every 5 minutes, just as they started to get some work done, the prince would start belting out lyrics to disney songs or dancing around the kitchen. They got as far as perfectly mixing the batter before Patton had to stop him.

"Look, kiddo..." Patton started, rubbing his hands together and trying to find a way to put this nicely. "You helped me make the perfect batter, and I am so proud of you for that, but I think maybe you should clock out? You have been a great help, but you... Um... Sing a lot." Patton winced, afraid Roman was going to be offended.

Roman nodded in understanding and put a hand on patton's shoulder. "Hey, don't worry about it. I know I can be distracting. Do you want me to go see if Virgil will help you?"

Patton nodded, thankful. "That would be great!"

Roman left the kitchen yelling "HOT TOPIC! PAT WANTS YOU!"

Patton watched him go with a proud smile, and then turned to clean up the kitchen.

Just as he was halfway through cleaning, Virgil came into the kitchen with his hood up. "Sup', Pop star?"

Patton grinned and gave Virgil a big hug, which the emo reluctantly returned. "My dark, strange son! I am baking a cake for Logan’s birthday, and I need your help!" Patton pulled away from Virgil, smiling. "Roman already helped me make the batter, but he can be a bit much in the kitchen. Would you mind helping out for the rest of the process?"

Virgil shrugged. "I have nothing better to do."

Patton knew that that was Virgil's way of saying "I would love to."

Virgil was very helpful cleaning up the kitchen. He had a sort of efficient way of doing things, just one after the other, not saying a word. It was kind of satisfying to watch.

It got a bit hectic after that, though. Once they were done cleaning, they had to pour the batter into the pans. It was going to be a big cake, like, "Corpse Bride" big. So they had to use multiple pans and lots of batter. Virgil had violently shaky hands, and had lots of trouble pouring the batter in. In the end, Patton had to pour all the batter himself, and the kitchen ended up very messy.

Virgil's eyeshadow was darker than when he had initially come in. "I-im sorry... I didn't mean to mess up, I just-"

Patton smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. "No no, you didn't do anything wrong, kiddo! You just had a little trouble with steadying your hands. I'm very proud of you for helping me clean up, but maybe we should get someone else to help us here? Maybe Jan?"

Virgil smirked sadly. "I think maybe i'll duck out for now, but I'll tell Janus you want his help."

"Thanks, son!"

Virgil stepped out of the kitchen yelling "HEY SNAKE BOY!"

Patton sighed. This was not going the way he had wanted it to. He did realize that if Janus ended up being bad at this, his last choice was Remus, and he was terrified of going down that road.

He had just cleaned the batter from the stovetop when Janus walked into the kitchen. "Hey Pat, did you need something?"

Pat smiled tiredly. "Hey, Janjan. I was going to bake a cake for Logan, but i'm having some trouble. Roman and Virge weren't so good at it, so I wanted to see if you would help?"

Jan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I'm tooooootally not disappointed that you worked with Emo and Sir Singalot before you thought about the second smartest person here," He said sarcastically.

"Mm-hm!" Patton managed to say before taking a deep breath to control himself.

Janus helped Patton bake the cake and even out the tops with a bread knife. The next thing they had to do was spread the buttercream filling on the layers so they could be stacked.

Jan looked in the fridge like Patton told him to. "I don't see the buttercream."

Patton walked over and scanned the fridge. It was gone.

He took a few deep breaths and ran a hand through his hair. "Where the heck is it? If I have to make more, I swear I will-"

"Make more of what?" Remus poked his head into the kitchen curiously.

"The buttercream filling for Logan's cake is gone."

Remus cocked his head. "Buttercream? Hmmm... OH! Yeah, I ate that."

Patton's eyes widened. "You did WHAT?" Remus smiled fearfully while Patton yelled. "THE ONE THING YOU EAT THAT IS ACTUAL FOOD, AND IT HAS TO BE THE BUTTERCREAM?"

For once, Janus looked worried. "Patton, are you ok? You aren't acting like yourself..."

The dad side breathed in and out rapidly, his hands running through his hair. He tried to calm himself down- He was the happy side, not the angry side. He could get through this. "I'm fine. I'm calm. I can do this."

"Gee, I'm sorry, Pat," Said Remus. He suddenly grinned. "I can throw it up for you, if you want!"

"NO! No, no. I think we will be ok," Janus said, pushing Remus out of the room. He turned to face Pat. "Patpat, are you ok?"

Janus sometimes called Patton Patpat, mostly as payback for Patton calling him Janjan. But when the two became good friends, they used them as nicknames instead.

"I'm fine, Janjan. I'm just having some feelings. Feelings are okay though! I'm ok."

Janus sighed. "If you say so."

They worked together to make a new batch of buttercream, allowing the cake to cool. The original buttercream had been baby blue, but Patton had no more baby blue dye, so they used indigo instead. They layered and stacked the cake with the buttercream, used support sticks to keep the cake from falling over, and then started to layer it with dark blue fondant.

Patton looked over at Janus. "Would you mind taking off the gloves? Sorry, but this is very delicate and I think you should use your bare hands."

Janus frowned. "I shouldn't. I have scales on my left hand, if I use it, it will leave a scale imprint on the fondant."

Patton blinked sadly at him. "Oh, ok."

Patton handled the fondant, and as he fit it into place, he thought the cake looked beautiful. "Only one thing left to do: DECORATE!!!"

Patton was an amazing decorator.

After years of theming cookies and cupcakes to each side, baking birthday cakes, and writing messages in crofters jelly for a scavenger hunt, Patton had a handle on how to make things look presentable. Right now, It was a giant 3-layer cake with blue fondant covering, but soon, it would be a masterpiece.

Janus coughed uncomfortably behind Patton. "Um... Since i'm not very good at this stuff... Can I go? I have my own present I wanted to work on."

Patton smiled at him. "Sure! Don't spoil anything to Lolo, ok?"

Deceit nodded and almost left the kitchen before turning back and saying, "Uh, hey, Patpat? Don't stress yourself out too much, 'Kay?"

Patton nodded back. "Of course."

Janus smiled, relieved, and left.

---

---

Patton was SO TIRED.

It was 8 in the morning on Logan's Birthday. Patton had worked all night on that cake and when he had finally finished it, he went right to bed without doing anything in between. He had just woken up, feeling groggy and confused, but he made himself get out of bed because it was Logan's special day.

Logan woke up that day happy. He knew that a birthday was pointless, it was a celebration of one year passing in an entities life, it made no logical sense. But if the other sides wanted to shower him with attention once per fricking year, he did not want to miss this chance.

Patton got out of bed the last out of all the others. Logan had woken up to the other four sides, Janus, Remus, Roman, and Virgil ready for him in the living room with gifts and treats. Logan had thought that Patton would be the first there, energized and grinning, the way he always was. But Patton was nowhere in sight.

When Patton did come out, he put on his best happy face and gave Logan the biggest hug he could muster. Logan smiled a little. "To this day, I swear, your hugs might suffocate someone!"

Patton laughed and grinned at him, just happy he had gotten through yesterday.

First, they made breakfast. Jan made waffles with crofters jelly and eggs, and they all sat around the table reminiscing about the past. They talked about when logan first got his glasses, when he had a stutter, and everything else that Patton could remember. Which was everything, since Patton kept every memory stored in his room.

Next, they had gifts. Roman gave him a lab in the imagination; with chemistry sets, a telescope, and books upon books upon books. It was his own little area in Roman's realm so Logan could enjoy himself every now and then. Virgil gave him a dictionary of every word in the world, in every language. Janus gave him a replica of the Library of Alexandria, with all of the scrolls and books still there. "The original one was burned down with all of it's knowledge," he said, "So here is-" "OH MY GOD I LOVE IT THANK YOU!" Remus gave Logan an animal to dissect. But it wasn't a real animal, it was something Remus had made to give Logan something to do.

Patton promised Logan that his gift would come after dinner. He felt as though his cake paled in comparison to all of the gifts his friends had given. I mean, the Library of Alexandria? Patton sunk lower in his chair.

After gifts, they had lunch in a beautiful field that Roman had created, where the flies ate grass instead of your food, and every bird was adorned with beautiful shimmering colors and tail feathers. They had PB&J sandwiches (with crofters, of course), Goldfish, and apples. They talked for hours about nothing in particular, every now and then asking Roman about the creatures that walked by.

Logan was having a great time, but something seemed off. He looked around at the group and his eyes settled on Patton. The more he looked at him, the more tired he seemed. Logan noticed shadows under Patton's eyes for the first time, and saw that his smile was beginning to look more and more forced. Logan began to worry that one of them had done something wrong. The usual bundle of joy and energy that was Patton looked a lot more docile and tired than before.

Once it started to get dark (because Roman had set a day-night cycle in the imagination just so they would know when to go) they went back to the commons for dinner. Janus cooked some brown sugared ham with peas and rice, while Patton left to get the cake ready.

As Patton walked into the kitchen, he took a look at the cake on the pedestal. Dark fondant with baby blue frosting in swirls, and a little fondant necktie decoration on the second tear to tease about Logan's necktie. The name "Logan" was scribbled in white frosting on top.

He remembered the tall pillars in the Library of Alexandria Jan had made, he remembered the sparkling equipment Roman had conjured. He remembered the giant dictionary, the animal-

Patton looked at the cake and sighed. He honestly didn't know what he was thinking. But this was what he had done. He would just have to work with it, and maybe make up for it with a different gift later.

He picked up the large cake in his arms. It was very heavy, and there was one whole room between the kitchen and the dining room; the living area. Patton just had to bring it over.

He left the kitchen with the cake, and he was doing well with it considering he couldn't see his feet, and then he tripped.

...and then he tripped.

His foot caught against something on the ground and he stumbled, causing the cake to drop out of his arms and onto the floor. It fell sideways, and broke upon impact, and the cake broke up on the floor. Bits and pieces everywhere. Patton had fallen, and he had scraped his elbow, but he didn't care. He didn't care anymore.

He had spent a whole god-forsaken day trying to get this right. He remembered Roman's singing, Virgil's shaky hands, Remus's eating habits, Janus' scales, and he could feel himself sinking into the ground. He just wanted this to be perfect. Logan deserved something perfect.

The cake was broken, and the world was quiet, and Patton wondered for a moment if he had gone deaf. The Mindscape was silent. He felt the tears on his cheeks, but he didn't cry. Patton was the joyful and happy side, so he didn't cry. Water fell from his eyes in waterfalls and rivers across his skin, but he wasn't crying, that's not how he worked. Even when sobs racked his body and made his chest hurt. He wasn't crying.

It was just a god forsaken cake, why the heck was he crying? It was just a cake. It was just a cake.

Shoot, this isn't ABOUT THE CAKE.

Logan and all the other sides sat in the dining room, talking happily about whatever came to mind. Patton had left to get the cake, but he hadn't come back yet. Logan had eaten his dinner and was now staring at the door. He tried to focus on the conversation, but he thought Patton seemed a little late.

"Hey, Nerd, whatcha' looking at?" Roman asked, walking up behind his chair, bending down, and following Logan's line of sight.

Logan didn't turn his gaze from the door. "I feel like Pat should have been back by now. Actually, Roman, maybe you could check on him?"

Behind Logan's back, Roman and Virgil exchanged a glance, and Roman understood immediately.

"Actually, Lo, maybe you should go check on him? It is your cake after all."

Logan stood up from his chair and walked out of the dining room. "I suppose so."

Virgil snickered. "Oh my god, he is so oblivious. I ship them so badly..."

Logan walked out of the dining room and almost choked.

Patton was on the floor, with his hands in his face. Was he crying? Patton didn't cry. He was too happy to cry. He was too fricking perfect to cry. WHO THE HECK MADE PAT CRY?

Then logan saw the floor. The cake, he realized, was broken up and smashed to bits on the ground. The fondant was ripped apart, save for a small black fondant necktie. Patton must have dropped the cake. It looked like it had been big.

Logan didn't hesitate for a second. He kneeled down beside Patton, wrapping his arms around him and quietly letting him sob.

Patton felt someone's arms around him, and they had glasses, he knew, because the glasses were pressed against his temple. But that meant it was Logan. Logan was here, and he can see the cake, and he is probably so mad. Patton wrapped his arms around Logan and cried into his shoulder. He didn't like Logan to be angry. Hugs fixed that. Right?

"Pat? Patton, don't cry, what's wrong?"

Patton could barely find the breath to speak.

"I-I dropped it. The thing... I-I mess-Messed up... It's all g-gone..."

"Shhhh. Shhh, it's not your fault, don't worry. Patton, I love the cake. It's looks like it was beautiful, thank you."

Patton just kept sobbing, his glasses getting foggy. Logan knew the side was emotional, but really, it was just a cake, and Logan wasn't even mad at Patton. In fact, Logan didn't think he was capable of being mad at Patton.

Patton was sad about the cake. Of course, it was horribly destroyed, and he had spent a long, tiresome day making it perfect. And now it was all gone, and Patton had no gift to give.

To Pat, this was bigger than that though. Logan was supposed to have the perfect birthday, but Patton had messed all of that up. He had nothing to give logan. Every day of his life, his goal was to give something, to be helpful, and to care for others. He had messed up today.

"I-i don't know wh-what to do. I just... I just wanted-d to g-give you something. I-It's a-all gone n-now. Th-the d-day is ruined."

Logan frowned. What would someone with a better sense of emotions say? Seeing Patton like this made him so sad, what could he do?

He remembered something Pat had said to him a long time ago, when he was getting used to emotions. 'When someone is feeling down, speak from the heart! The best thing you can do is tell them the truth, and if they don't like it, then they have a right to feel a little sad. But you should still try!'

"Pat, I know you are sad. I understand that you wanted to make this a good day, but it WAS a good day. I enjoyed every moment of today. Sure, the cake is messed up, but it's the thought that counts, and you are already the best gift I could ask for."

Patton looked up in confusion. "Me?"

Logan was usually really bad at emotions, but right now, emotions seemed to be all he could muster. "You are so caring and joyful. And sweet. And kind. And I don't care about the cake, or any gift you give me, the fact that you are so set on making me feel cared for is enough. I'm just happy you're here, ok?"

Logan brushed a tear from Patton's eye and smiled. "I'm just happy you're here."

#sanders sides #logicality #ts logicality #logans sanders #patton sanders #tss #ts patton #ts logan #logan x patton #patton x logan #tw crying #tw baking #tw breakdown

[taglegend]

Tag Fact #3 -  I’ve come to realize I’ve always been a fan artist more than I thought. so here is a timeline of influences that shaped my childhood to now. from nostalgic times, to sad changes, to great loss, to strange rises to fame and phases, to stepping stones and finally a laughing place. all the things that make up your favorite fan artist Tag.

1. Rayman (bumped into this in the year of 1999) was actually the first fandom (with crossovers) I bumped into when I was 9. although the internet wasn’t available at the time it was still fun to dwell in home amusements. I remember the storylines and the OC’s I made but they’re kind of embarrassing and it’s probably a good thing there was no internet. I’ve done fanart and comic crossovers of Rayman with Calvin and Hobbs and Nights Into Dreams, spinoffs of Sonic the Hedgehog OC’s, Yoshi with Pikachu, and the Pokemon/Digimon craze with OC’s and other Nintendo comic shorts. but the drawings and comics are long gone and disappeared in the garage in a backpack due to suspecting my sister’s dad accidentally throwing them away. years later towards the year 2018 (now 28), we decided to move to North Carolina and it was my chance to find them again. unfortunately the backpack was gone just like I suspected (my main stuff), but for some reason I found my Pokemon/Digimon fanart, a good batch of Super Mario drawings (vaguely remember doing these), my sister’s drawings and some other neighborhood kids’ drawings in a dirty box. I was partially happy I found something at least but it was the backpack I wanted the most. sometimes I regret not looking for the backpack (’cause I was too busy being a kid) but it’s alright, noone needs to see that shit anyway, ha ha. anyways, I recall being a fan of Rayman from 1999 ‘til 2002.

2. Sonic Adventure 2 Battle (bumped into this in the year of 2003) my second fandom I bumped into when I was 12 going on 13. at the time, my sister and I both liked the Sonic The Hedgehog Franchise based on the Battle remake and ended up making our own secret fanart club that consisted of only us two members. she liked Sonic (and that was her boyfriend, ha ha) and I liked Knuckles (and he was my boyfriend, ha ha) and we were crazy in love about Shadow’s backstory. we listened to the game’s soundtracks as we drew fanart and comics after school and man, those were good times. however, as we grew older towards the year of 2005, we ended up having separate rooms and I believe it played a part in disconnecting on the same interest. then one day, I asked her why she wasn’t into Sonic anymore and she replied, “Because I grew up.” I was sad after that and slowly observed that she was influenced by the emo culture and the new friends she’s made. I was the only member of our little club for a little longer...but eventually I moved on too. I still have some surviving fanart we did together but it doesn’t mean shit anymore since she turned out to be an abusive mother from the last I’ve heard of her. 

3. Gorillaz (bumped into this in the year of 2006). as the Sonic years were at its end, I first heard the song “Feel Good Inc” on Music Choice and seeing the first image of them as displayed on this post (except the fan-made background doesn’t count since I can’t find the original artwork). this was my third fandom and later had proper access to the internet to the website I still currently use called DeviantArt. at first I liked 2D but eventually fell for Murdoc and developed a spiritual connection towards the character as obviously seen in my old fanart and rare photos of my devotion shrines on Valentine’s Day and his birthday every year. for the longest time since being a permanent fan from 2006-2017 (11 1/2 years) I had no knowledge that it was a political propaganda band and other realizations I don’t want to talk about. I only followed them because it was a cartoon and not the bullshit behind the musical project. the world I’ve built and support for them for all those 11 1/2 years shattered the fuck out of me and I just wanted to be left alone to find myself again, somehow. activity stopped on all my profiles, the flow of fanart stopped since I now cringe from the fan service and felt I was used for my talent. I didn’t want to be reminded of it all so I took down all my Gorillaz fanart and archived them for old followers’ nostalgia but also in the hopes they’ll be forgotten in my timeline. I ceased to exist in the fandom for huge personal reasons but it’s best to not say why. I know for sure that the fandom wonders what happened but it’s none of their business. THE END.

4. Waluigi (although I knew he’s been around since 2000 during childhood, I took deep interest once I revisited the character again in the year of December 2013). as silly as this sounds, when I revisited him again, the character was so bizarre that I ended up staying up 3 nights and 3 days in a row just looking all over the internet on everything about him and the questionable “hush-hush” absence of a backstory. despite there being no backstory he slowly gained a cult following and in many ways it’s a good thing. however, since the early 2010′s tension has been building up between Nintendo and its fans about him starring in a main game but everyone hasn’t fully gotten it in their heads that it’s not gonna happen. as long as Nintendo is in control of that, the fandom will not win, I’m sorry to say. on the other hand, if it’s going to be this way, then that’s what fanart and comic projects are for. as for me, I am doing my very best to get my comic project “Waluigi Land” going. again, I apologize if it’s taking very long to get Chapter 2 going if you’ve been keeping track but aha moments need to develop before I start permanent drawing (since concepts, character design and storyline needed improvement badly). as of right now I am still a Waluigi fan and I will not quit on him.

5. Turbo from Wreck-It-Ralph (although it debuted in 2012, I watched the movie two years later into the year 2014). for some bizarro reason, I had an unhealthy obsession with this character to the point where I dressed up as him for Halloween 2014. only 2 fanarts of him and the Turbo Twins exist on my profiles, mainly because my mind was more focused on just ‘thinking about him’ or ‘being him’ rather than drawing physical drawings. luckily, this supposed alleged fandom didn’t last long a little after Halloween so I chalk it up as a very short phase. to this day I don’t know what has gotten over me about him. the only thing I can think of now is that I think it’s because the character had yellow eyes and teeth but I don’t know. now that I think of it, that little fucker was ugly as hell and I STILL don’t know what had gotten over me. one day, my brother mentioned what that was about, and I said to him, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

6. Undertale (although it debuted in 2015, I later took interest in it in 2016). It was all about Sans and Papyrus. I couldn’t get enough of the skeleton bros. eventually Toriel and Mettaton EX became my favorites but it took a long time to draw more of all 4 of them because I had other important things to do in my life plus I was still waiting for the next Gorillaz album to revive my imaginative juices (or so I thought). I really want to have this as one of my frequent fandoms but I just don’t have time for it anymore. it’s still in the back of my head to want to draw them but at this point I still have other better interests to be in. and besides, I’m lazy just like Sans.

7. Cuphead (June 28th, 2017 was the official day I called quits on the British-based band Gorillaz due to the bullshit behind it. since that date I was lost, had no inspiration to look forward to and no cartoon guy to make me smile...but lo and behold of the same year, I took an interest in playing the game Cuphead and man...that shit was a frightening exaggerated metaphor for being on that one drug (forgot the name though) and having sex at the same time but man that was the best fun I’ve had in years. I mean, it’s like, enemies are just so happy to murder you and that scared the shit outta me. and the facial exaggeration?....I think I should stop, ha ha. anyways, the Moldenhauers saved my ass from spiraling down, they have no clue. anyways, eventually I became a permanent fan of their work so to ease the hurt and erase my past from the G-fandom I had to re-wire my brain into a different cartoon category that’s a rather more American, so anything Toon related like Roger Rabbit, Felix the Cat or another favorite that’s a western-based cartoon makes me feel better, especially my new man .......King Dice <3 <3<3<3. however, there was something about this new fandom category I still didn’t quite understand until the date March 14th, 2020. I finally understood what it was but I feel I shouldn’t bring it up. anyways, Cuphead and anything western or rubber hose is my last stop in inspiration for the remaining years of my life. many say never say never but I believe I’ve found my laughing place and that’s all that matters.

#tag facts #influences from cartoons #likes and dislikes #thoughts i have about characters #toons #rayman #sonic the hedgehog #gorillaz #waluigi #turbo #wreck it ralph #undertale #cuphead

[bisexualhobi]

wait I think I agree not today is really bad but now rank all their title tracks from best to worst pls

lmaoohdksjjdjf i love this question so much anon but due to the fact that i’m me this would get way WAY too long. so i’m doing the top 5 best title tracks and then top 5 worst ones okay? i’m looking at google and apparently they have 26 korean singles so yeah that’s too much.

to rank them as objectively as possible I'm gonna try to take into account gp impact (which is not the same as chart impact since the fandom inflates those numbers), production, creative value (how innovative/different from other pop songs was it?) and the concept of the music video/aesthetic in general. 

BTS TITLE TRACKS: TOP 5

5. Black Swan (2020)

am I cheating by putting here a pre release single? maybe. but it would be a disservice to leave this one out so bear with me

⭐gp impact: this song made more noise as a pre release single than the title track. I saw it in at least 3 end of the year editorials for best kpop songs of 2020. and the thing is it could have been WAY bigger but a lot of stuff happened that sadly made it go away too soon. I don't think this one is as famous or recognizable as the others in this list which is why it's going last, but also I think this song is the most underrated gem in bts discography so it's still going here.

⭐production: this song beat out the front runners (I need u, save me, DNA) solely because of its production. there are not a lot of kpop songs out there that manage to pull off what this song does. it's powerful, it's nostalgic, it's a dark and sexy song without being too on the nose. the mixing is SUPERB I remember the first time I heard it I thought "this would blow the fuck up if it was a Travis Scott song" and I will DIE on that hill. this is an example of heavy autotune on a song done right, not like the rest of their super autotuned songs that sometimes come out unrecognizable and empty sounding.

⭐creative value: it's not truly a new concept in pop to make a song about the Death of the Artist. it’s also not something a rookie group can do, this song needed to be released at exactly the time in bts’ career that it was. there’s just no emotional impact if you just sing about how the music makes your hear beat and you’ve been in the industry for,,, 3 years. this is the type of Swan Song you release at the peak of your career, so that really contributes to the message. mixing a trap beat with a ballet motif is GALAXY BRAIN SHIT.

⭐️concept: the ballet influence is just beautifully executed, this song is a beautiful piece of craftsmanship on all fronts. i think they could literally build an entire ALBUM off this concept, so the fact that they jampacked it onto one single song is both amazing and a little sad for me. i wanna hear more of this. i want a literal Black Swan (the darren aranofsky movie) horror concept where the protagonist falls prey to his own madness because he strives for perfection. but yeah, the song itself and the orchestral version just make this a complete golden concept in my book.

4. IDOL (2018).

⭐️gp impact: i think a lot of people that didn’t know anything about kpop vaguely knew about this song when it was released. i know i wasn’t into kpop at all but in my pop culture circle there was a small bleep from this song bc of the concept and the dance. i think it’s a great “embassador of kpop” track, like if you wanna explain to someone with no previous knowledge what kpop is about you can show them a performance of this song.

⭐️production: the production is a little all over the place for me. the instrumentals are amazing and really creative tho, but like in terms of mixing vocals and the structure of it, it might be a little too grating. it’s not the best produced song in ly: answer by any means but it still makes it work

⭐️creative value: the whole hanbok thing is a 10/10. bts weren’t the first ones to do it, but they did it in such a tightly executed way that honestly that “classic korean roots meets the edgy western feel” concept belongs to them now. groups are still recreating it. it’s a really innovative concept in general.

⭐️concept: the music video is,,,, something. you might love it or hate it, but it’s memorable. i think the purposeful way in which they made it as loud and brilliant as possible can be taken either as a camp adjacent or just as the group going nuts with the budget, which props to them. the choreography is also a BIG plus. the south african influence is really well executed and they made sure to do it as cultural appreciation and not appropriation. definitely the most memorable thing from this song is the choreo

3. Run (2015).

⭐️gp impact: this was their second song to have a music show win. it was the lead single from hyyh pt2 and honestly it might be the best song off hyyh as a whole. it cemented bts as not just another kpop group, because it made non fans turn their heads too! from what i gather this really propelled them forward and made the fanbase grow a lot.

⭐️production: hyyh pt2 is super well produced. i feel like this song in particular makes a fine job of mixing the vocals but it’s not outstanding. the best part is the instrumentals. but overall it’s a really good song with amazing lyrics and a great melody.

⭐️creative value: this built off of what they did with pt1 so they were already in a comfortable place, when they found this sound they really explored it well and deep and it works! i’m glad they went this emo pop route because it was a good contrast to what was dominating the charts in kpop in 2015.

⭐️concept: the aesthetic is PERFECT. there’s not a single other thing that i could add or that i wanted gone. it’s the perfect mix of coming of age teen film and heartfelt, dreamy pop. the music video is by no surprises the favorite mv of a lot of the fandom. the cinematography is beautiful and the song and the video perfectly capture that fleeting moment in life when you’re in the brink of adulthood.

2. Mic Drop (2017).

⭐️gp impact: this song was the first bts song to chart on the billboard hot100. back when the fandom had no idea how to chart, mass buy etc. that’s enough said. (personally i think mic drop is the quintessential bts song and their best release so the fact that i’m not putting it first should count as something).

⭐️production: for the purposes of this ranking i’m using the original mic drop and not the steve aoki remix even tho it was the steve remix that was released as the single. the song has the BEST mastering i’ve heard in kpop. the transitions are flawless, the beat is pure fire, the entire first minute is literally the hardest hype rap i’ve heard in kpop. everything about it WORKS.

⭐️creative value: it’s kinda funny how this song got released the same year as kendrick lamar’s humble, because imho it’s the best hiphop song of that year after humble. 2017 was truly the year of the diss tracks. bonus points for including it right after the billboard acceptance speech skit in ly: answer. SUPER refreshing among the ed sheeran type of pop that dominated that year.

⭐️concept: it’s a great concept but not innovative by any means. still, it works and bts managed to exploit it to the max. the choreo, the mv, the styling, everything was amazing!

1. Blood, Sweat & Tears (2016).

⭐️gp impact: it's probably the first song to put bts on the map beyond the kpop sphere. it really set the tone for their 2017. it's one of their most famous and recognizable songs to date.

⭐️production: this song is STUNNINGLY arranged. the mix, the ambience, the progression,,, it's all brought together to make a very well crafted song. it has a distinctive electronic/pop sound to it that still manages to set itself apart from the trend that was going at the time. black swan is probably the closet single they have to this in terms of production.

⭐️creative value: the song itself is very in compliance with the 2015/2016 trend of hype songs with edm influence, (ie. closer, shape of you, cheap thrills, let me love you, something just like this, etc.) but it still packs that punch that makes it sound fresh even for 2021.

⭐️concept: it wasn't the first song to sound like this in kpop ofc but it was the first truly sexy concept for bts. the aesthetic is innovative and very well thought out, the mv is amazing and the choreography too. i read somewhere that j-hope had a lot of input for this choreo so that's amazing. also blond taehyung is literally the best thing to come out of big hit.

WORST BTS TITLE TRACKS

ok so here we go with the worst ones! this is in ascending order as i prepare myself to pick the worst of them all, but please remember this isn’t meant to be mean spirited, i am simply applying the same criteria to their most underwhelming songs but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own merit! it’s just that out of 26 singles, SOME of them have got to come out at the bottom right?

5. Life Goes On (2020)

⭐gp impact: this song is not memorable with the general public, its #1 on the bb was the product of mass buying and even though it's a feel good song made to comfort fans in the times of pandemic it's still bland and boring. I think it had no music show appearances either, and as far as bts ballads go this is just bottom tier. it’s not that it’s terrible, it’s just very underwhelming 

⭐production: the autotune in this song is very poorly executed, it doesn't add to the song the way black swan does for example. it's just off putting and the melody is really forgettable. it's funny bc the chorus is directly pulled from the 2018 reggaeton super hit "La Canción" by J Balvin and Bad bunny lmaooo 💀 so I can't get that out of my head either. the structure is just fine and has nothing of substance 

⭐creative value: the song is attempts to be a heartfelt acoustic song but it really has nothing that sets it apart from other songs product of the pandemic like Justin and ariana's stuck with u. for a song in a self produced album it's the song with the least input from the group. the lyrics are good, but they're not as sincere or groundbreaking as for example Spring day. 

⭐concept: as a ballad ofc I'm not expecting it to have a grand choreography, and the mv being filmed in their personal dorms to reflect the lockdown is actually a nice touch but besides that there is nothing exciting, innovative or even sincerely comforting about the song and the concept. the greatest thing abt it is the fact that jk directed the video, which is actually pretty good.

4. We are bulletproof pt 2 (2013)

⭐gp impact: this song made no noise back in the day and to this day its just beloved by the fandom due to a sense of nostalgia and "remembering bts' roots". don't get me wrong it's amazing that bts still perform it in the year of our lord 2020 because you can't forget where you came from, but it's not a good or memorable song by any means. 

⭐production: I went back to listen to it for this and oh god. I can't remember the mixing being THIS bad. jimin, jin and taehyung sound exceptionally bad, they don't sound like themselves especially jin. it's just a really poorly mastered song, but then again the rest of their debut album isn't far better. 

⭐creative value: this is straight up ripping off early 2000s black culture from the US. not only the music, the styling for this era in general is unfortunately really bad and culturally appropriating and overall it's a mess. 

⭐concept: there is nothing of substance to be said about this song. it's just really a miss. the mv is terrible, the only thing that can be salvaged from this is the choreography, but besides that the whole thing feels sloppy, rushed and is also kinda cringey.

3. N.O. (2013)

⭐gp impact: no noise. this song was just a really weird pick for their first comeback when attack on bangtan or coffee was right there. not to be mean but no wonder they didn't have a music win this year. 

⭐production: it's an objectively bad song. it's just really underwhelming, the whole mixing feels amateur. it's not a good hiphop song and it's not a good vocal arrangement and the chorus is also a rip off of a late 90s American song I can't find right now 

⭐creative value: this song isn't innovative in any way, it's just..... there. very meh in general, I have nothing more to say about it 

⭐concept: the storyline kinda wants to go somewhere with the music video but it doesn't manage to make a connection. the styling is plain, simple and not flattering at all. it tries to make a protest of the Korean school system but it doesn't say anything beyond "school bad" which we already knew

2. Not Today (2017)

⭐gp impact: its a very middle of the list song for a lot of the fandom. I literally know of no one that claims this as their favorite mv/era/song. when you ask people about their least favorite bts songs they won't mention this one either, you know why? because it's that irrelevant. it had no music show wins either. it's precisely because of this why I put it so high up on the list. there's nothing worse than an unmemorable song, if it was widely hated then at least that would be a response. 

⭐production: it's a really mediocre song in terms of structure and melody. it tried to be hype but it falls short. the chorus feels half finished and the message of the song is just “the revolution has begun”? which okay? but it adds nothing to the You never walk alone album either.

⭐creative value: there is nothing exciting about this song, and the chorus is too grating. the rhythm is repetitive and nothing new either in kpop or pop in general. 

⭐concept: sadly there's not a lot to be said for the song. it says nothing of value and what it says falls flat. there's no innovation. you can actually see a lot of idol in this song, and also ON. those two songs are what this one tried to be but failed.

1. War of Hormone (2014)

⭐gp impact: thankfully none. this song got the treatment it deserved, if they had won a music show for this one it would feel tainted lol. now it's just a meme in the fandom but overall it made zero noise and contributed nothing to bts' evolution 

⭐production: the production is very lazy, which is odd because dark & wild has some pretty tight tracks. but this one is just meh, nothing outstanding and the melody is just annoying 

⭐creative value: this is a song that was probably born out of the desperation to have a gp friendly hit. it tries really hard to replicate an outdated idea of what boy bands should be, and it does it badly. simply put this song is very mediocre and misogynistic and the fact that it's a running gag in the fandom that "feminism isn't important when war of hormone comes on" isn't funny and it's actually cringe. please stop 

⭐concept: the styling is so ugly :( the mv is very low budget which isn't surprising but they managed to make more with less in past releases. it's just embarrassing and I wish this song didn't exist, there's a reason why they never play it anymore lol. overall a dark mistake in bts' career

#asks #long post// #song analysis #bts