#i would love to stop the cycle

[natandacat]

Hungry but too weak to cook :(

#should have put my foot down with the pt #like today is still too early in the PEM to demonstrate exercises #sigh yes even though theyrr all done laying down #i hate this so much #YES i am aware its a vicoous circle of #PEM -> i spend days bedridden & weeks diminished -> i get more deconditionned -> it gets easier to trigger PEMs #i would love to stop the cycle #unfortunately things keep happening #it may get easier once i stop living alone since ill be able to rely on someone else for daily activities #and then maybe i can focus on strenghtening myself to increase my treshold #but rn ive been in survival mode physically speaking for a solid 15 months lol

[kazbiter]

"you're always the car crash ronan" of course he is!! what else could he possibly be? he's an ancient being shrunken down and shoved into the body of a gay 18 year old boy yet still left with the capacity to feel the full intensity of every human emotion imaginable in it's entirety and create things beyond comprehension without the knowledge of why or how or most importantly what for. one day he wakes up to find the family he depends on to give him a place in this world shattered and broken at his feet and has nowhere to go and he can't go home. he's a fast car on a closed track... what else is left for him to do but spin out???

#mentioned I was holding this in my drafts and someone asked after it..... here u go!!!!! #i probably would have held it longer to shape and edit it more but I've had this for over a year and the ppl asked so they receive #one thing abt me over here at kazbiter is I will talk abt anything if u encourage me to do so #this mouth does not stop running!!!! #anyways yeahhhhhhhh ronan I love u #ronan lynch #the dreamer trilogy #the raven cycle

[beomgyutruther]

the raven boys // fanny and alexander by ingmar bergman // the raven boys // blue lily, lily blue // gentle.earth // the raven boys // your best american girl by mitski // the dream thieves // your best american girl by mitski // blue lily, lily blue // i'm your man by mitski // the raven boys

#voices in my head would not stop plaguing me until i made this #adansey web weave.... a little bit all over the place but yeah #adansey #web weaving #the raven cycle #trc #on love #tenderness #on longing #yearning #mitski #god.... i miss them.... need to reread trc soon #gentle earth #gentle.earth #ingmar bergman #trcposting #grief #love #on grief #poetry #words #writing #my stuff #the raven boys #the dream thieves #blue lily lily blue #the raven king #richard gansey #adam parrish

[hollow-keys]

If Three met Ten he would take one look at this weasel looking suit and converse wearing mf disrespecting Martha and pathetically crying over the Master and have him dead in a ditch by the end of the day.

#the three-delgado dynamic is still THE master-doctor dynamic of all time #“ah doctor i was afraid you'd be worried about me so i thought i'd let you know that i'm alive and well” #“i'm extremely sorry to hear that” #SKSKSJSJS #three already suffered enough seeing five wear celery i think the converse with a boring suit would be his final straw #if he saw ten begging the master to regenerate he'd stop his own regeneration cycle right then and there #*three meeting martha* i always love meeting a fellow scientist #*three hearing about how ten treated her* so he has chosen death #martha jones #the master #tenth doctor #third doctor #doctor who #📨

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

i have made the decision to get a bit silly with it

#gonna try it out see if i like it idk teehee #tara is still primary i love her forever but maybe cosmo as a nickname. even just saying that im like NAURRRR DONT STOP SAYING TARA!!!!!! #but i WONT change my bio back immediately. i WILL be silly and have fun. AUGH #ive kept being like ‘oh maybe it would be fun!’ and then being like actually no i love the name tara so i figured id stop that cycle and #just go ahead and try it out. especially since the rest of my life is going crazystupidahhh rn with starting grad school and my first like #really real job with TAing and being in a lab #so. lol. teehee hi 😁👋🏻

[malyen0retsev]

i feel like gen z need to be sat down and explicitly told it is ABSOLUTELY OK to say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing sometimes. growing up actually means fucking up, and if you spend your whole life paranoid of being ‘problematic’ then you are legitimately going to drive yourself into an anxiety induced meltdown. watching or reading ‘problematic’ media does not make you a bad person, and tbfh sometimes watching or reading said media (provided you keep your analytical brain switched on) is a good thing to do. because just as we learn by seeing what’s right to do, we also learn by seeing what’s not right to do. 

and without wishing to sound horrendously horrendously ‘i am in my mid twenties’, you don’t need to let the entire world know what you’re watching and reading. you actually don’t need to let the entire world know a damn thing about you, and i feel like a lot of the anxiety i see from gen-z online is this terror of being called problematic precisely because the boundaries for oversharing are next to non-existent. growing and changing and learning are a fundamental part of being a teenager, and you will say and do ‘problematic’ shit which will make you cringe in your twenties, and that’s absolutely ok because you will have learned from it. 

#and on a serious note too for the love of god stop digging up peoples tweets from a decade ago. that adds to this toxic cycle #i was an absolute moron in my teens idk how many times i have to say it #i grew up in a conservative area and went to christian camps do i need to Spell Out the sort of nonsense i believed as a teen #and would u look at me now. age 26 and queer and very open about the nonsense i used to say #and nobody judges me even slightly for it. because the consensus is just 'you were a teenager. you learned. you don't believe that anymore' #HOW SHOCKING THAT THE WORLD KEEPS TURNING #anyway that's admittedly my somewhat extreme experience lmao #but seeing younger teens rip themselves apart online for OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE I WATCHED THIS PROBLEMATIC TV SHOW #like my dudes when we were teens we used to look up clips from Saw on youtube FOR FUN #it's ok to make mistakes it's ok to be an idiot #what you've gotta be aware of is to stop documenting every single thing you have ever done online #because i swear it adds to the anxiety of 'what if someone calls me out on this' #just live and let live and don't actively be a prat and you'll be all good #ANYWAY #saw several posts about this this morning hence The Rant #sarah rambles #gen z #i guess??? #important

[girlthingdecay]

.

#i kind of want to kill myself. im so disconnected from anything. i have no original thought. everything is scripted #everything is just put together pieces from things ive heard elsewhere and i do not have a single original thought #everyone can see that im masks all the way down and everyone can see that i am nothing underneath and even that is a stolen way of saying it #i have no way of making nothing palatable but i am simply nothing. invite me over and ill try to adapt to you and write a new script based #off new media but if you make me truly comfortable and somehow manage to unplug my behavior then youll be rewarded with me just sitting #beside you on the floor and staring at whatever media you show me without speaking much and only occasionally seeking further warmth from #you #i vocalized it to someone close recently but im a nothing void and i wish people all acted in exactly the way i wanted regardless #i have selfish fantasies about people just doing everything to make everything easy for me and if i were a god i would be an entirely #selfish one #if the right people would go and stay as i please even though im a nothing void and dont deserve them around #if they would all do whatever i needed like gave me cuddles or sex or affirmation or money or treats #if life was one long cycle of being the most treated god by everyone then maybe i could be something i dont know #maybe something could be manifested into me #everyone already projects an idea onto me so maybe a collective idea held by all with a great deal of love would make whatever they say of #me true and maybe then id exist fully #until then oh well #though in reality im just sanitizing a bit. having others fully as puppets serving me isnt something that i want because i think itll “fix” #me by any measures and id likely only grow far more sadistic and selfish but i wish for that world because i could live in perfect comfort #i could do anything i wanted and have anything i wanted and nobody would stop me #sorry this is just like. a long rambling in tags. i should shut up now

[fellhellion]

The way Conchata shuts out Miguel when he tries to be emotionally vulnerable with her and then he shuts out Gabriel when asked the same 🚬

#I love cycles <- in tears #I would like to STOP being so emotional abt the spiderman comic now pls god #I cannot handle this anymore #tunes talks 2099

[marsbotz]

actually forever so devastated abt gus dying……. its not fairrrrr he didnt deserve to die like that ….. ARGHHH

#like idgaf i get that the point is its all silly cycles of revenge etc but. walt didnt deserve to come out on top #IDGAFFFF!!!! he should rlly have died a billion times. the world wld be so beautiful #imagining a wonderful world where walt successfully shot himself in the pilot. or where gus killed walt in the desert #OHHHH GUS….. if only u cld have let tyrus kill hector ……….. #its so so tragic. THE CYCLE!!!!!!!!!!! #oh my god the lead up to it too… u just KNOW hes going to die. and it feels like he knows it too even if he doesnt #i guess in a way he would have died anyway. its a big part of his life to lay to rest #oh my god pleasseeee the way he stops when hector finally looks at him… IM KILLING MYSEFL!!!!!!!!! #I LOVE YOU GUSSSSSSSS TT_TT #its soooo so not fair.

[estebanbicon]

parallels

#i just. thinking so hard #like being a kid and you want to turn your hobby into your dream into your job #and then it is so much sacrifice and pain #and racing becomes less something fun and more and more something you NEED to win #bc u need money u need sponsors you cannot fail #failure would let the people who gave up so much for u #who love u the most #it would let them down #fun stops mattering and it is all about winning to continue and continuing to won like a damn fucked up cycle #and you make it and finally you are allowed to have fun again #but when you have trouble with your teammate and you lose your seat and you cannot even DO anything to change it #you cannot go out and drive and win #you got to sit and wait and it kills you #and finally you make it back for real and you have a long contract #and hey finally. finally racing makes fun again #sorry i am just so emo #esteban ocon #f1

[arolesbianism]

Every day I mourn the fact that none of my family and friends give a single shit abt oni lore, I don't wanna keep repeating shit I've already said before on here but every now and then I just remember the horrors™ and nearly explode not being able to scream abt it again

#rat rambles #oni posting #just everytime I think abt olivia's 1500 cycle onwards logs I want to start biting things #shes soooo fucked up and tragic and she doesnt get any closure and she never will and I LOVE it #I fucking love her so much she rewired my brain so hard shes like one of The blorbos of all time #damn you klei you rly know how to make characters that destroy me beyond repair (hi carter twins) #I still find it fun imagining olivia and jackie interacting with the dont starve cast even if they wouldn't like most of them #I have lightly changed my mind on one dynamic tho #I still think that jackie would be stressed out by all the kiddos and would at least dislike them. but. #I do think she could end up kind of getting along with walter #like look at me. she was probably just like him as a kid. she would hate him for it but they could also talk for hours. #hed start sharing fun facts abt his bug collection and jackie would start lecturing him abt ants or whatever and hed think shes so cool #I think olivia still wouldn't like him tho but that's purely because hed probably stress her out #same with the rest of the kiddos I think if you put webber in the room with the two of them theyd both have a breakdown #not because hes a spider solely because hes a little boy who probably just asked them if he can have icecream #and wendy and abby would just be a situation of them not knowing how to talk to kids let alone depressed kids #oh and theyd probably also be stressed out by wurt for basic they dont know how to deal with kids reasons #rly the two would just hang out with wickerbottom and no one else if they could help it #except wanda they'd bother her non stop to the point shed start avoiding them lol #you see Im sure plenty of the cast wouldnt like olivia and jackie either because of just how much they wouldn't take magic as an answer #not that theyd be like no that cant be real cause thatd be magic theyd more likely start sciencing out the mechanics of all the magic stuff #in practical terms while also refusing to call it magic #and worst of all knowing them theyd probably get results because fuck man they brute forced their way into time travel (sort of) so why not #so itd just be maxwell being soooo pissed as the two somehow manage to replicate his spells without the codex #dont let them meet wagstaff then itd rly be jover

[nexus-nebulae]

muffy you're not my helper anymore you don't have to wait for me here every day,,,,,

#i love my lesbian sheep/goat polycule in my pocket camp save #i collected a ton of my faves in my camp #and most of them. were sheep and goats #chevre muffy stella wendy and vespa #kidd is here too but he's not in the polycule #tia eloise skye and goldie are honorary members of the polycule #can you tell i like the Normal/Sweet personality animals? #i haven't found Nan yet she has yet to arrive at the campsite but i Need to see her and Chevre interact they're canonically besties #anyway i used to pay for the happy helper plan in this game and I'd have Muffy follow me bc i love my goth gf #then i stopped paying for a bit and now I'm sticking to 'only pay if I'm actively playing Very Frequently' #so currently Chevre is my helper for this month idk if I'll renew it #i like to cycle helpers bc i don't want it to seem like i like one of them More than the others i would Feel Bad

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

[archiephd]

man if you're voting for biden just to vote against trump, just say that. we have got to get over this harm reduction shit when what we really mean is harm reduced for us, me, mr american and literally nobody else on this bitch of an earth. if the only and most emphasized thing we do to reduce the harm our president and their platform does to the living is vote, we are reducing nothing. for anyone or ourselves, because voting alone doesn't challenge the trajectory of anything. it buys 4 more years before we have to do it all again, if that. thinking this way is what promises having to think this way again, and again, and again and again. in 2024, who american leftists vote for 1 day of the year matters little compared to what we do the other 364.

#j.txt #once again talking to me here there is a constant wailing alarm in my head like 24/7 #we aren't taught the other ways we can facilitate change on purpose #there is power in the polls but unfortunately in america it is very little compared to the power in. the union..... lol #i'm not hardcore judging scared minorities in america if they wanna vote for biden out of fear for trump this election cycle #but i am hardcore judging if it's proclaimed as the morally superior thing to do when it's just not #like at all #which is also by design! #would you like blue poison or red poison don't you love living in a country that lets you choose! #i also just hate the narrative that this is our only way out of trump's america #like if he wins it's over like people who've been organizing and agitating and fighting and being arrested won't be doing the same shit #before and after #we gotta stop seeing voting as activism let alone a meaningful challenge to facism #not that i know everything either #just. even the few history books i've opened don't hold instances of voting being the way out of a tide of facism man #we can multitask guys vote for who we think we need to but if that's all we're doing to change things um. #we will be stopping nothing and we will be here forever #these shitheads have power here in and outside of office and they will do whatever they can wherever they can do it regardless #like they tried storming the capital literally last election. like #and that's just. here in our own country #why should we expect them to act any different this go around. genuinely. i would like to be able to expect different #all that said i feel like i am going crazy every day 👍 #2024 elections

[fuck-em-up-your-grace]

I NEED Zelda lore with good historical allegories PLEASE hire me Nintendo I would make so many good metaphorsssss

#I’ve had this fic idea in my head for literally months #since like December #the sheikah and the yiga and demise and hylia have no relevance to anyyyyy history guys haha #I mean. two large powers that have been involved in a cycle of hatred using their power to induce a proxy war to further their power? #while simultaneously harming said group by ripping it apart and then. with so much time passing the idea of reunification fading further. #until the people of that group learn to hate the other and to rely upon the powers that put them there? #huh Nintendo wonder what that could be about. #but Nintendo is a Japanese company and if you talk about that war then you gotta get into imperialism and. well… #and this is not even getting into THE GERUDO #I LOVE what the Gerudo could be SO MUCH. OH MY GOD. THE POTENTIAL. #but no. if Nintendo actually showed off cool Arab culture and stopped oversexualizing brown women people might think they’re not racist 🙄 #and we can’t have that #god I fucking love the concept of the Gerudo it’s so so so sooooo good you have no idea #I don’t have the time or energy required to write this but maybe I’ll come back in like a decade when I’ve got shit figured out and write it #anyways. I’m so normal about the Shiekah and the Gerudo. ha ha ha ha ha so so so normal #guys someone give me like a month where time stops I could write so much about settler colonialism* and the Hylians #(*I think settler colonialism paired with neo-colonialism and imperialism would be more interesting than the usual narrative of extractive #coloniaism. but also take that with a sea of salt cause no narrative surrounding colonization is really. mainstream.) #barebones of this fic idea is half-sheikah Zelda & Gerudo Shadow as foils for each other #w/ Zelda having the experience of like. 2nd gen E Asian immigrant assimilation & loss of cultural heritage while being raised in a white #society— with scraps of her textbooks and life showcasing the retelling of the colonization of the Gerudo. meanwhile Shadow is V aware of #his culture & history because Ganon’s main goal is to take control of the Hylian empire to make them pay for their past crimes #which manifests in Ganondorf being an abusive father who torments his own son because he believes it will make him strong enough to fight #against the Hylians. however surprise surprise abuse actually drives Shadow further away and he seeks refuge in Zelda & brings her books #on sheikah culture as a way to connect to her— through their shared ties to the Yiga… #and I have more but I think I’m gonna hit the tag limit and I’m rambling but like. SO MANY IDEAS #it works better visually I think though. so there’s that too. plus as aforementioned I do not have any of the things I need to write this #and it’s really important to me that it’s written well. so. that too. if I was gonna do this it would take forever with extra research &shit