#i wonder if ill be able to get my hands on it in the uk

[harpylady]

so hyped for this new volume ^_^

#cant wait till tuesday ^_^ #kushina 9 tails cloak? #exciting #shes so awesome and minato of course #my art #naruto #i wonder if ill be able to get my hands on it in the uk

[hereforhalstead]

home.

Spencer Reid x reader fluff!

thank you SO much for the love on my first post, I’m so glad you liked it! Ill be honest, I started this with a completely different plot in mind but, here we are! Enjoy!

*****

5 days. That’s all it had been, but to him it felt like a lifetime. 

The more he thought about it, he realised, it was the longest you’d ever been apart.

You’d been asked to stay for a week in London with Garcia and Morgan to assist on a case that Emily so lovingly emailed over late last week. 

One minute it simply words on a screen in your inbox, the next you knew you were on a plane over the Atlantic.

Every night you and Spencer had spent as much time as possible on the phone, some evenings only getting 5 minutes but others being hours. But it still wasn’t enough.

You missed him. More than ever.

The case was tough and starting to take its toll on you, it felt never ending and you started to wonder when you’d actually be able to return to the place you called home.

The truth is, London was your actual home. Being born and raised there until your early 20s when you transferred over to the BAU unit and the rest was history.

Yes, it was nice to be back in familiar territories. Moaning about tourists blocking the pavements, stopping every 2 minutes to take photos of a bird sitting on a fence..

 The god awful weather still going strong as you were now on your 5th day of rain, wondering if you would actually see a glimpse of sun before you left.

But home wasn’t London anymore, it was wherever Spencer was. 

And he wasn’t here. 

****

You’d taken the papers back to your hotel room, the sheets all spread across the floor in a disorganised manner yet you still knew where everything was and that worked for you.

You were still in the same clothes that you had put on about 26 hours ago, cold coffee in hand, staring at the black text on the papers as if the answer would just jump out at you if you continued to do so.

Your phone ringing is what brought you out of your trance, letting out a loud yawn before answering it.

“How’s my favourite girl?”

Was all he said and it had you melting, bringing your knees to your chest as you leant back onto the bed.

“Hey Spence” you mumbled back, you could practically hear his smile on the other end of the line forming, just at the sound of your voice. 

“What time is it there?” You added 

“about 2 ish” 

Shit. That meant it was 6am for you, and you didn’t even realise. 

High praise for the blackout curtains in the room I suppose.

“And you’re still awake?” Your voice was sturn

“So are you?” He hit back. Fair play.

“I could’ve just woken up, you don’t know”

But he did. He knew you, sometimes better than you knew yourself.

“This is me you’re talking to baby, do you want me to hang up and ring back so you can see my name on the screen again?” 

Again, you could practically see how he would be sitting. Arm folded across his chest, either book still open in one hand or a hot cup of tea hooked onto his thumb. Smile as big as could be.

“Point taken” you mumbled 

“Tell me about your day” he was quick to respond, you hated yourself for how there was a quick second of the feeling that you couldn’t be bothered. 

You were exhausted and missing him.

You didn’t want to be talking to him over the phone about the same thing you’d been discussing with endless people all day. 

You wanted to be back at home, enveloped in his arms as he pulls you back into him as you try to leave the bed.

Or running your fingers absentmindedly through his hair as he tells you yet another fact about how despite its significance, London was actually the smallest city in the UK.

You missed the little things, you missed him.

“Y/N?” His voice broke the silence as you sighed, words leaving your lips before you had a chance to even process them 

“I miss you, Spencer” 

There was yet another pause, almost a huff coming from his end of the line as he replied

“I miss you too, sweetheart” 

“Spence, honestly I’m drained” you began to ramble 

“I’ve been staring at these same pieces of paper for days, I’m starting to think I’m just wasting their time being here”

He could hear you throw some of the documents onto the floor, bringing your hand to your forehead to relieve some of the tension.

“He’s killed 5 women since I’ve been here Spencer, 5. How useless am I that these women are literally depending on me and here i am, failing them” 

He was hurting, he was hurting because you were hurting. 

“Baby, don’t talk about yourself like that” he assured, you could feel tour bottom lip quiver as the tears formed in your eyes 

“You know they asked you to be over there for a reason, you’re good at your job. You deserve to be there with the best of them and don’t forget that” 

“But I do-“ you tried to cut him off but he was quick to interject “uh uh”

“I will stay on this phone with you until you can tell me you’re good at your job, I don’t care how long it takes, Y/N. I want to hear you say it”

“What about if I don’t say if, just to get you to stay on the phone with me?” You lightly chuckled, heart fluttering as you hear his huff of laughter you so dearly missed.

“I mean, I have to be on the jet in 6 hours so if you’re happy for the whole team to hear our conversation then that works for me”

“Spence, I just feel as though I’m losing my mind. Tell me what I’m missing” you almost pleaded, knowing that if he was here he probably would have this case solved by now and back on the plane home. 

“You know the most important thing? Honestly, it’s what I do all the time and it truly does work”

You sat up in hope, waiting to hear his groundbreaking methods of solution.

“Sleep, Y/N”

You huffed, returning to your hunched back, cross legged position of defeat.

“That’s not fair” you scorned, his light laugh flooding through your ears “I thought you were actually about to help” 

“I mean it sweetheart, you can’t give your best to something on no sleep. I’m worried about you and if I can’t be there to look after you, I need to know that you’re looking after you” 

His words hurt, you knew he was worried but never thought he would just come right out and tell you.

“Fine” you huffed, crooking your neck to keep the phone in place at your ear as you start to get undressed.

“I’ll have a quick shower and then I’ll get into  bed” you assured “then I’ll text you in the morning with how many hours sleep I had”

You waited to hear his laugh but there was nothing.

“Can I ju-“ his tone was filled with doubt, like he was second guessing what he was about to say 

You let the line go quiet, waiting for him to finish his thoughts 

“Can I just stay on the phone with you?” 

You felt as though your legs could give way at the pain in his voice, the desperation to just have more time with you had you filling with guilt.

“Of course, Spence”

There was a hum of happiness and content, practically seeing how he slumped back into the headboard of the bed in the comfort of your words

“Why don’t you tell me about your day?” You questioned, giving up on the idea of the shower as you climbed into bed

“Oh! Funny story actually. Hotch had….”

There it was, the voice of such piece and familiarity that you so badly missed. 

He was your home.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer Reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #mgg x reader #mgg

[johannestevans]

The Precarity of Subscription-Based Income

We’re basically busking online. No wonder we have anxiety about it.

This piece is also on Medium.

So let’s start out by saying that in the scheme of things, I am doing okay. I am not starving, I am not at risk of losing my home, and most months I can afford all the medications and medical care I am prescribed without difficulty.

This is a piece intended for online artists and other creators to work through the emotions of this kind of precarity and insecurity — it’s not intended to make any of my fans or my regular readers feel guilty for not giving me more money, or to guilt people into giving me money when they do not have it to give.

In fact, that mutual — if not near universal! — feeling of financial anxiety is precisely what this piece is about.

I have one novel out, for which I do earn some royalties, but the vast majority of my earnings come from Medium and Patreon. All of my streams of income together — book royalties, Medium, Patreon, and scattered bits and pieces here and there — I earn about $1400-$1500 USD a month most months, sometimes less.

Previously I earned less on Patreon but I was earning more royalties on books then, but as time goes on you tend to reach a plateau on book sales as you reach the organic audience for that book — the only way I’ll get a bigger boost to sales now is if I get very lucky with a review on a big publication or, (this will likely come sooner), I finish up another novel.

Some months I earn more, because I earn a bunch of tips, or there was a big boost of sales to one of my books. Most months, that does not happen, especially now that Twitter has died off as a platform — when I did TweetFics that got big, I was often able to boost my tip jar, but now that Twitter’s lost a lot of its traction, that’s no longer a possibility.

It’s not terrible money. It’s actually more reliable as income than when I worked hospitality as a porter, where between my own chronic illness and injury, and hotels loving a bit of casual “accidental” wage theft, I’d often end up with less pay than I was expecting.

What I make is enough for me to live on, for the most part, and I know I’m very lucky to make that much.

I make ~€1300/a month ($1400 USD a month. About $350 a week), rent is €460 — after rent, I have about €210 to live on per week.

My asthma inhalers cost about €80. My testosterone, which I get every 12 weeks, costs about €80. Normally as per the Irish drugs payment scheme, I can get them at the same time and pay €80 for everything. It costs €35 — €50 to go to the doctor and get my testosterone administered, depending on if I’m also getting bloods done at the same time.

My teeth were majorly fucked up, and for a while the cost of my dental care was fucking destroying me, especially when I had to get surgery to remove some teeth, but thankfully I’m mostly on top of that now. I am dreading, on the other hand, having to start a different med to treat my arthritis or otherwise becoming injured or further unwell — I should be in physiotherapy, but the cost is prohibitive; my counsellor takes a voluntary contribution because I see him through a charity for rape survivors, and thank God, because regular private therapy is pretty expensive.

The cost of groceries in Ireland is… high.

To be honest, the cost of most things in Ireland is high, which is part of the reason I want to move back to the UK — with that said, because of the Artists’ Exemption for artists in Ireland, my income goes a bit further it isn’t taxed, I only my universal contribution. In the UK there’s no similar scheme, and the orchestrated fuel “crisis” where energy companies (and the politicians they went to school with) are hiking prices as high as possible to make record profits is even more hard-hitting than in Ireland.

I would love to say that that the tax exemption exists solely because Ireland is a wonderful place for artists, and because Ireland does so much to encourage its artists to create, to have time to create, to have money to create. Ireland is not perfect, but it absolutely does do that, it does try, and it does better than a lot of places. Ireland has a lot of initiatives in place for artists and I love and appreciate that so much!

But also, artists are often fucking impoverished, and very few of them make enough money to live on. Most writers in Ireland make a few hundred euro a year, let alone enough money to survive on.

I do. For the most part, I do make enough money to live on, and not just survive, but do okay. Yes, I panic about money every other week, no, I don’t put money away in savings or a pension scheme or health insurance because I simply don’t have the money, but mostly, I do okay.

And this is with writing being my sole income, without working another job at the same time. A lot of people are doing this sort of subscription-based work whilst being in full-time or part-time employment at the same time — and a lot of people are like me, who just physically can’t really do that, even though it would lead to mildly more economic stability.

I say mildly more because, let’s face it, wages are pretty low, not remotely in line with the cost of living, many hours are demanded from workers — often unpredictably — and bosses know that workers do not have much other option than taking their worst treatment.

Every time someone unsubscribes on Patreon or Medium, I notice, and I panic a little bit — and the thing is, the difference is only going to be, what, $2 or $3 a month? That’s an incredibly small amount. Yes, some people do subscribe on Patreon for larger amounts (for which I’m very grateful), but most people really can’t afford that much because they are also experiencing the weight of a cost of living crisis, the prohibitive cost of being chronically ill during a worldwide pandemic, the impact of not just wage stagnation but casual workers’ abuses, etc.

The amount people spend to subscribe to my body of work is equivalent to a few coins out of their pocket, and I’m constantly aware that many people can’t even afford that at times, which is part of why I have so much free fiction available and why I never guilt anybody for “pirating” my work.

But when people do unsubscribe and I get that moment of panic, I feel guilty for it — Hell, I feel incredibly guilty for wanting to make more money and working to make more money, because I know that every additional few dollars a month from someone on my subscription services is a real person who’s putting money my way.

And that feeling? That shame and guilt for wanting to make more money, because I want to make enough money to be comfortable and to be secure? That comes from knowing how many other people are just like me or are doing worse, and don’t even have the precarious security of income that I have.

So many of my friends gain their incomes from Patreon, Medium, or Substack, from regular tips on sites like Ko-Fi, or from sites like OnlyFans and JustForFans, etc.

We either earn money per item or piece of material (for me that would be book sales, but for others it might be sales of pictures or videos, pieces of art, online resources, etc), or we earn tips here and there on free content (which are inherently unpredictable, much like tips IRL for buskers and entertainers), or we have people who subscribe monthly or annually for a a regular amount.

As a “content creator”, regardless of what that content is, there is constant fear and anxiety.

Is this content appealing to a wide enough audience? Should I be appealing to a wide audience, or should I aim for a specific niche audience?

A wider audience means more people to market to who might give you money, but a niche audience means that while the audience pool itself is smaller, that audience is going to be more inclined to pay you, because they are starved for content otherwise.

I’m gay, trans, and disabled, and much of my work centres around gay, trans, disabled men — and much of my audience is of similar men or other queer and disabled people. Yes, it’s a smaller niche than the broader straight audience, and we’re far less likely to have as much money as straight abled people, but because there’s barely any work created with us in mind, people are more motivated to shell out for the content they crave.

“Content,” because while I’m an artist and an author and a creator, it’s not just about my actual fic, but also about “content” such as Tweets and asks and advice and funny posts and selfies, all of which are nebulously shoved into the same label of “content” for the social media mill, to be “consumed”.

I resent this language, naturally, because for the most part I don’t think a lot of my social media stuff is considerable enough to be content I would charge for, but also because it flattens all manner of art and material and acts of creation into one marketable word, and while it’s partly done because of the endless tread of capitalist nonsense, it’s also done because capitalism demands artists — and art — be defanged and made marketable.

But another piece of language that I really don’t like and avoid using myself is “donations”. I have a tip jar, and I’m grateful when people tip me, but they are tipping me because they enjoy some aspect of the entertainment work I do, whether that’s my Tweets or Tumblr posts, my movie reviews or commentary, my fiction, my selfies, whatever.

It’s not a donation. It’s not charity. There’s nothing wrong with accepting or needing charity, but it would bother me to solicit charity, because I don’t believe I am sufficiently deserving of it, and if someone’s giving money out of charity, I’d rather they give it to someone who needs it more than I do.

Some cishet people will absolutely feel guilty after reading some posts and be like, “oh, I’m gonna give some money to this trans guy on the internet to assuage my guilt about not doing enough to protect or care for trans people in my actual community,” and that’s annoying, but it’s not surprising — but cishet people’s guilt isn’t something that I really want to play on, because there’s other people who could and should benefit from it far more than I would.

But to other trans and disabled people, I’m absolutely not going to present myself as being on the brink of poverty, because I’m not! God knows there are enough grifters online who present a lot of their solicitations for money as charitable giving, either for themselves or others, in order to spin a profit — and more importantly, there are a lot more people who fucking need to rely on charity and/or reparations from the guilt-ridden who can’t produce the sort of work that I can on the scale that I do.

Which, this year I’ve been publishing a piece every week or so — a piece for me might be an erotic short or other short story, an essay or significant blog post, a serial chapter, etc.

I feel incredibly guilty when I struggle to put out a finished piece a week — ridiculous, given that that’s a lot for one person to put out per week, and is a lot more than many creators manage, but also?

In my back catalogue of published short stories and essays, there’s over 200 completed pieces, most of which are thousands of words long apiece, some being short novellas that are 20k+ long, all featuring a variety of different characters, tones, genres.

This isn’t even mentioning my serial fiction, where my serials together comprise of hundreds of thousands of words of fiction across a few genres and tones.

What do I have to feel guilty for? Why should I feel so much shame for not delivering “enough” to my audience, when I do deliver so much?

Because there’s a constant fear that if I don’t do enough (if I don’t do more than enough), that everyone will unsubscribe and either go to different creators or go to new people entirely. Because it feels like all my success as a creator is based on my personal performance and my goodness as a human being — because when we talk about being a “content creator”, a large part of the “content” being sold is oneself.

You’re not just selling your work: you have to sell your identity.

I have to sell that I’m gay and trans and disabled; I have to sell that I’m sexy and funny and confident; I have to sell that I’m witty and biting, but not too flawed in a way that will make people hate me and change their minds about financially supporting me. There are absolutely people who engage with my work — either initially or over time — because they find me personally sexy, which is fine, I am sexy!

But that’s a lot of pressure, and there’s not really a choice to opt out of that pressure to sell one’s self because of the constant grind of social media, the desperate need to stay relevant, and also to cultivate some form of parasocial loyalty from one’s fans.

So when someone unsubscribes on Patreon, there are so many initial fears — Did I do something wrong? Did I not post enough? Did I post too much of the wrong thing? When I said this, was it read as offensive or cruel? Was it taken out of context? Are people talking about me and deciding together that I’m not worth the money anymore? Do people hate me personally? Was I too gay or too trans or too disabled? Was I too horny, or not horny enough?

I don’t have OCD, but all of the above can really easily feed into OCD spiralling, and for many creator friends of mine who do have OCD and grapple with these sort of moralising self-analytical intrusive thoughts, it’s constant and really difficult not to think about.

And the thing is, those are all the wrong questions to ask.

People might well hate me or not think I’m worth the money, or I might be posting the wrong content at the moment, or they might have outgrown me or grown bored of my work, or they might find me dickish and annoying — that’s none of my business. None of those people are my friends, and they don’t owe me an explanation or an answer to any of those anxieties.

They were paying me money in exchange for being entertained by me, and if for some reason they stopped being entertained by me, then it’s right that they should stop paying and go do something else with their money!

But the more likely explanations for people unsubscribing are ones like this, because many people have limited cash to spend:

Recently I’ve been having to work a lot more hours and I’m not reading as much fiction as I did.

Recently I’m sick and tired and struggle to concentrate on fiction.

I’m subscribed to a bunch of creators on Patreon and Johannes’ work is the one I have the least time for/motivation for, so if I’m going to cut one out, it will be him.

I hate reading fiction on Patreon or I otherwise dislike the platform and so I’m just unsubscribing from all the creators on there.

I used to read a lot of this guy’s TweetFic because it was so easy to read, but his other fiction is harder for me to get into, and I can’t justify the cost for work I’m not engaging with.

I’ve read through all of this guy’s back catalogue quite quickly and I’m going to unsubscribe and come back to his work in a year or two when he puts out more work.

For a while he was writing fic about specific characters or in a specific genre that I enjoy, but he’s currently focusing on other things. I will return when he does my favourite things again.

Johannes is posting too much and I’m finding it overwhelming and it’s making me guilty that I don’t have time to keep up, so I’m going to unsubscribe and come back when I have more time.

I’m unsubscribing from Patreon so that I can subscribe on Medium instead.

Or many other reasons.

In short, every single person who is subscribed to me and my work on one of these platforms is a person with their own vastly complicated life and potential reasons for subscribing and unsubscribing. While I’m sure a handful of them might well be unsubscribing with the intention of punishing me or “voting with their feet” to go elsewhere, for a lot more, I’m sure it’s not really a thought.

It will be as simple as “I am spending money on this. Am I using my subscription and engaging (and enjoying engaging with) what the subscription is for? No? Then I will unsubscribe,” which all of us do all the time, and is quite natural!

This will be the case for people who subscribe to me for fiction, but also who subscribe to any other creators for art, for video essays or other videos, for essays and media analysis, for critical commentary, for pornography and erotica, for tutorials, for all manner of creators who earn money from individual subscribers.

How do we cope with that?

How do we remember that, when everywhere we go we’re blasted in the face with the principles of Hustle Culture and Grind Culture and whatever other awful euphemisms that are pushed at us? Where your identity is the work you create and the value you have, and whenever you’re not working, you must feel shame for being alive?

Once I have the trick of it, I’ll be sure to share it around. In the meantime, I do think that transparency and thinking out loud about the reality of the mental toll can help a bit.

If you can’t economically support your favourite creators, do remember that just sharing their work with others or engaging with it — via review or recommendation or just commenting and so on — also really helps them because that engagement boosts their reach to others through you, but also like…

I don’t think you should ever feel guilty if, for any reason, you can’t do that either. So many feelings of guilt or shame are already preyed upon by commercial forces for the purposes of gaining access to some of your money, and on social media, your attention and your emotion are reached for in the same way, and it just sucks.

In an ideal world, things wouldn’t be the way they are — in the world we live in, my goals are to make more money by reaching a broader audience and delivering a broader variety of work to click with that audience, and doing my best to avoid making anyone feel guilty in the meantime.

That’s the crux of it, I think — as a creator, I feel a lot of those horrible feelings of guilt and shame and anxiety because of the way our economy and my financial precarity exist, and what I don’t want to do is pass on those horrible feelings to fans so that they’ll give me money. Rich people use that cycle of emotion to accumulate as much wealth as possible — normal people just do it to fucking survive, and if I can survive without contributing to it, that’s what I’ll do.

#hustle culture #marketing #content creation #patreon creator

[isekai-crow]

Doctor Elise Ep. 5

| Ep 1 | Ep 2 | Ep 3-4 |

Nuuuuuu I'm finally caught up with Doctor Elise.... My potato chips....

This was a very fun (Mary Sue (positive)) Girl Boss episode, with Elise taking proud ownership of what she did despite being disbelieved, and keeping things professional between her and her patient.

This Prince y'all. He don't know shit about romance. He's never had the inclination to even bother with romance before, and watching his little baby-deer-leg-like attempts is very very cute. It's very fun to be watching this and the BL/yaoi Cherry Magic at the same time because man they are two sides of the same coin in playing with tropes and dealing with power imbalance in romance.

THIS show could be a yaoi if it WASN'T A COWARD.

I am enjoying this show SO MUCH because I (am old) enjoyed watching Dr. House, Scrubs, Grey's Anatomy, and the autopsy/sciencey bits in CSI:LV and NCIS (with Abby!)

Capybara is enjoying this because he is a connoisseur of well researched fanfiction, with Sick Fic being one of his main staples. He has learned to recognize certain illnesses because some of his favorite authors do a shit ton of research on what to do to their whumpees darlings, and those well researched stories don't go with boring reasons for why certain symptoms are appearing, but more realistic diagnostics.

He was very excited at guessing what was wrong with each patient in these episode and it was fun to watch him get excited about it.

Spoilers Under the Cut

Elise defending and explaining her report about the Splenectomy was funny because... her hand writing was such an issue, but despite all the little hearts and the poor writing that is OBVIOUSLY not Dr. Graham, they still have trouble believing it's hers until she can walk them through the report.

MORE HAND WAVING WITH THE "I turned this surgery over and over in my head" (more like she already did a successful one with the Dead Mom Hair lady) Its just barely believable, but it marks her as a literal genius, and actually makes for a good story if she WAS an actual medical genius.

HMM I WONDER WHY THE TEST IS GOING TO BE HARDER THIS YEAR??? Fuck all the other students, we wanna make this lady fail so she can be queen! But she has 3 doctor reccs to be able to take the medical exam!

And another doctor immediately tries to steal her with NO consideration for the Head of the Hospital and Head of Surgery being RIGHT THERE IN THE ROOM WITH THEM. No subtly this man, which makes sense if he CANT EVEN RECOGNIZE ONE OF HIS REGULAR PATIENTS!!!! FAILURE.

This No-Thoughts-Head-Empty Just Having A Good Time face is so funny to me.

Then we get some more reminiscent of the backstory, and I'm okay with this being a little Mary Sue -ish type tragic backstory cause she kinda deserved it, admits she deserved it, and is trying to make amends (because she wasn't THAT evil of a villainess, just an ignorant and spoiled rich kid).

But the Prince finally admitted something was wrong with himself and goes to the clinic to get himself checked out by Elise/Rose while he is in his Ron disguise. He finds her pulling ivy off the buildings, and MAN the initial angle on this made it look like she was two stories up (so I started chanting fall, fall, fall so that you can get caught).

but no, she's on a fucking step stool lmao.

We DO get a classic "Staring at each other from across the way as the wind blows and their eyes meet and they have Thoughts."

She then proceeds to diagnose him and Capybara started chanting "Hyper thyroidism? Hyperthyroidism." as each symptom and question is answered

and dammit he was RIGHT!!!

AND OH. I WAS WRONG. YES. GOOD.

THIS SHOW IS A YAOI AND ELISE IS THE SEME.

LOOK AT THIS BLUSHING MESS OF AN UKE. She's taking your PULSE, sir, not your CLOTHES OFF.

And he keeps coming back for more lmao. And is SO UPSET when the two months are up. But is probably like HELL YES I GET TO MARRY THIS LADY. maybe. the thought probably hasn't occured to him actually now that I think about it...

Until he goes to her BROTHER for advice on what to get her, and despite being the grumpy big bro IS SO ACCURATE IN HIS ADVICE. But the Prince thinks he knows best (with ZERO experience, like, what did you even ask him for then?) and gets her a shiny thing instead and fails.

It's all worth it though cause Babygirlboy prince smiles in the end!

R E W A R D GET

I want more potato chips. Please let next week come soon so I can have more potato chips anime. Please.

#gekai elise #doctor elise #medical drama #manhwa recommendation #romance anime #villainess #外科医エリーゼ #elise de clorance #shojo anime #fantasy europe

[lilredghost]

baby bestie because i read chp 14 so late im feeling like its my birthday, that i get chp 15 so early!! can i just quickly take the moment to scream about the dream scene??? all those little tells that maybe this isnt right (inception vibes). this was so brilliant

also obi's downward spiral about if anakin loves him or married himbeacuse he is an alpha IM CRYING WITH HIM OH GOD WHAT IF OBI NEVER CLAIMED HE WAS AN ALPHA AND STILL RULED OBIKIN WOULD NEVER HAVE MET PLS

Obi-Wan has had a hard time keeping his head on straight, this last week. A harder time than usual, anyway.

A side effect of all the stress, perhaps. babygirl change your suppresants pls theyre stressing you out i still dont trust komari she is maham anga's character for a reason

Anakin's hand has settled on his thigh; it grips him tight, bold and claiming, under the table.

Obi-Wan wonders if it will leave bruises.

The fingers creep closer— not further up but further in, ghosting the edge of the scent gland there— and Obi-Wan has to swallow back his arousal, trying to focus on Luminara. oh he's so jealous thisis such a good thing to read in fics but somehow such a red flag irl uk ill read any fic if it says possesive anakin

He feels like he’s back in his wedding finery, wondering why his fiancé won’t look at him.

His husband won’t look at him. i cried then for obi-wan and im crying for now poor baby had all his childhood dreams broken like sugar glass and now he knows anakin may never have married him????? i love it when u put obi-wan thru the horrors

im just gonna very casually read thru the rst of the fic again cause i simply love the writing style in this and i have creative writing hostel championship coming up so. uk. i would really like to write as well as you

(Referring to ch 15 of Their fragrance came from you)

Baby!! I had so much fun with the dream scenes honestly!! I felt so evil writing it but it was so so satisfying (summary of this whole chapter honestly). My aim with those slightly wrong things was that you wouldn't quite be able to tell if it was just Obi-Wan's unreliable narration at work (especially because he often has moments where he's caught up in something and "doesn't quite remember"/"didn't realize" something happened), or if there was actually something wrong! I also thought about having the whole dream sequence in italics, but I wanted the reader to take Obi-Wan's introspection about not being an alpha seriously.

And the repetition of things which happened in the dream, but slightly different… idk what drove me to do that, but I'm soooo happy I did. I think it adds so much flavor in showing how Obi-Wan perceives the world (or how he fears it to be) vs. how it actually is!

Ahhh the concept of Obi-Wan openly being the first omega ruler from the beginning! He would have come out sooo much less depressed 🥺🥺 (But maybe, in some ways, more stern? He has to show that he's not soft just because he's an omega, after all!) I love to think that in an AU like this, Stewjon and Tatooine still needed that mutual help so they went to make an alliance. But since there's no immediate candidate that's obvious for marriage, Tatooine doesn't write anything about marriage in their terms, hoping it will pass under the radar (it does). They settle instead on a sort of cultural exchange where Anakin will come spend some time in Jedha and then later Obi-Wan will go and visit Mos Espa. And hey, two omegas in positions of power… working closely together…. Obi-Wan gets to be Anakin's friend without jumping through all the hoops. Anakin gets to learn all about Obi-Wan's secret dreams of marriage. And then Obi-Wan's heat rolls around, and Anakin offers to help, and-- Well, the rest is history!

"babygirl change your suppresants pls theyre stressing you out i still dont trust komari she is maham anga's character for a reason" ALFKJSDLKFJSKJ THE WAY I CACKLED. She IS maham anga's character for a reason, but not this reason!!

The grade of suppressants Obi-Wan is taking are only meant to be used in the short term (a few years, with medically scheduled heats once or twice a year) in cases where it's not safe for an omega to be having heats. Otherwise, he should be taking regular-strength suppressants (with that same caveat of medically scheduled heats once or twice a year, along with a full detox every five or so years).

But uh. He's been taking them for twenty years. One medical heat a year, to mimic an alpha's biorhythm. No detoxes. It's a wonder his suppressants hadn't failed up until this point already. On top of all that is the new stimulation that he's getting from Anakin, which has his body trying to react like an omega (like Anakin's mate!!) and so it's also actively fighting through the suppressants rn. They're definitely failing, but they're failing slowly enough that he hasn't noticed. ((Also the idea that they'd fail is so inconceivable to him…. he's definitely not a doctor, lol))

I get you on the jealousy honestly I would HATE if someone did that irl but I'm such a fucking sucker for it in fiction. Anakin will cool down about it once he feels more secure, but I feel like it's necessary for his character to go through that development rather than being chill about Luminara from the get-go.

"poor baby had all his childhood dreams broken like sugar glass" LITERALLY 😭😭 I wrote a post a while back about how Obi-Wan didn't want to tell Anakin about his designation yet because he was too afraid of losing him. But now (he thinks) he's lost Anakin already!!

Luckily, Anakin will convince him that he wants to stay. So yes I'm putting Obi-Wan through the horrors, but. Ultimately it's so that he can heal and move on

And I'm so happy you like my writing style, I think it's really grown into itself (and grown on me, too) over the course of the fic! Good luck on your writing competition -- I'm sure you'll do well 💖💖

#this chapter was a delight honestly #it wasn't easy to write but I'm very happy #now I just have to resolve it in an equally satisfying way! #asks #imjusttoofunky #emperor obi-wan au #also I wrote this at 2am and queued it so please forgive any mistakes

[sloggervlogger]

Orangutan Kayan's Before the Move From Twycross Zoo A last look at the beautiful young Orangutan lady Kayan as Twycross seemed to get ready for her to leave. In this clip see her covering herself in wood wool, doing a roly-poly and sliding down the log. This is an extra video as the Orangutan youngster Kayan seems to be leaving Twycross Zoo pretty soon for another zoo in the UK. I will let everybody know which zoo when I hear anything, as they didn't want to say yesterday. It was announced In December that she would be leaving. This got delayed, but it looks like it won't be too long now. I've seen her yesterday (20th Feb 2023) and the press was there as well, which made me think the move is imminent. It was good to get another chance to film this beautiful girl. She enjoyed a bit of a sunny day, having fun in the hammock with the wood wool. Sitting there with the wool on her head, doing a roly-poly and just enjoying being silly. After her roly-poly, she's piling on some more wood wool on her head. Then she grabs the empty box and puts this on her head as well. She sits at the top of the pole and then slides down it. I love it when her long hair is blowing in the wind. She throws a stick and a piece of hose towards the press, probably wondering what is going on with all the attention she's getting. You might have recently seen the #shorts video clip of her showing her on the day she was born which was on the 16th of June 2017. I was fortunate to be there on the day she was born and mum Kibriah caressing her hand. Sadly in Sep 2021 her mum Kibriah (44) passed away after a long illness. She was such a character and always so protective of her little girl. Basuki, Kayan's half-brother always got a hard time from Kibriah as she saw him as a boy that just causes trouble. The truth was cheeky Kayan was more of a troublemaker, but always run to mum when she couldn't handle the situation anymore. She's a cheeky playful Orangutan and will be dearly missed. She also does remind me a lot of a young Sprout, the Oragutan from Dudley Zoo. Hopefully, I will be able to get the chance to see her again in her new home. #sloggervlogger #OrangutanKayan #orangutans Don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell for more! You can see all the videos of her over the years in this playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLXC1aShJSBiUj3g8I3sF6RTN2e8L_pOI6 #sloggervlogger #Orangutans #babyorangutan Don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell for more! My merch shop links with worldwide delivery: Biggest collection of T-shirts, stickers, apparel, homeware and much more rawshutterbug Redbubble https://ift.tt/l8btE0T #AD #redbubbleambassador Customizable T-shirts, stickers, apparel, homeware and much more rawshutterbug Zazzle: Orangutans https://ift.tt/G8meV64 Amazon USA Store https://ift.tt/FbDajwd #Ad #AmazonAssociate rawshutterbug photo4me: Quality wall art @ http://bit.ly/rawshutterbugPhoto4Me Some links above and in the video are affiliate links, meaning I earn a commission on final purchases with zero additional cost to you. Thank you for your visit and for supporting this channel. SloggerVlogger

#IFTTT #YouTube #video #animal video #SloggerVlogger

[flawedamythyst]

I posted 550 times in 2022

That's 25 more posts than 2021!

56 posts created (10%)

494 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@raedear

@forpiratereasons

@winterhawk-olympic-bang

@snake-snack-stede

@thirdspin

I tagged 367 of my posts in 2022

Only 33% of my posts had no tags

#our flag means death - 173 posts

#the old guard - 62 posts

#marvel - 40 posts

#ofmd - 30 posts

#whob - 27 posts

#my fic - 25 posts

#winterhawk olympic bang - 19 posts

#immortal husbands - 16 posts

#winterhawk - 14 posts

#nicky/joe - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i try to be normal about it all but also there is a part of me that would really like her to get divorced and go back to her maiden name

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I need you all to know that I am 11 working days away from leaving my public-facing job at the UK's largest military charity, yes the one with 'royal' in the name, the Queen as our patron and a supporter base that is largely elderly and very patriotic, and I am taking it as a personal insult that the Queen has chosen to make those last days a living hell for me. I am going to have so many phone calls where I'll have to be 'saddened by this great loss' and 'touched by your kind words'.

Just...why would the Queen pick on me like this? What did I ever do to her?

17 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#4

This is SV Tenacious, the only tall ship in the world designed and built to be sailed by a truly mixed ability crew, including including disabled people, those with mental health conditions or long-term ill-health issues. She has features such as wheelchair lifts and wide decks that provide equal and easy access throughout the ship, a speaking compass that enables those with visual impairments to steer the ship and signage in braille, guidance tracks, tactile stair strips and raised directional arrows on handrails for people with visual impairments.

I’ve sailed on her several times, and seen wheelchair users go up the mast and visually impaired people steer her into harbour, and the impact on people’s self-confidence that being a full part of the crew, able to take part in every aspect of sailing a ship, has on people.

All her voyages had to be cancelled over the pandemic, and now the charity that runs her, the Jubilee Sailing Trust, are facing administration if they can’t raise a certain amount by Thursday 14th. If they do, it will be a huge loss for a lot of people.

I realise this is a difficult time, financially, for lots of people, but if you can spare anything to help keep them going, please do, or even just share this post in case others can help. This charity means a lot to me and my family.

You can donate here.

They’re currently ringfencing donations made so if they do go into administration, anything you donate will be refunded.

20 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

#3

The Old Guard | Joe/Nicky | Teen | 21,249 words

Three different times, hundreds of years apart, when Nicky waited for his soulmate timer to tick down to zero.

“Ah, so you are soulmates,” said the scientist, Kozak, turning Joe’s wrist in the restraints to see his zeroed numbers. “We weren’t sure.”

 She was holding a scalpel in one hand. Nicky couldn’t take his eyes off it, knowing that it was going to be slicing into Joe’s flesh soon.

 “We’ve never kept a secret of our love,” said Joe. “Nicky is everything to me. And you’re intending to hurt him. How do you think that will end for you?”

 Kozak gave him a dismissive look, one which Nicky was sure she would come to regret. “I’ve always wondered how these work,” she said, looking back down at the faint red of Joe’s numbers. “They make no biological sense, you know."

Written for @oldguardbigbang

With art by @iwritesometimes

24 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

#2

Marvel | Clint/Bucky | Explicit | 48,865 words

Written for @winterhawk-olympic-bang

Clint and Bucky have been fucking after missions for a while but as long as Bucky tells himself they’re just buddies letting off steam, he can pretend it doesn’t mean anything queer. Which works great, right up until it doesn’t.

Just as he’s trying to distance himself from Clint to avoid the mess he’s made, an altercation with a mutant ends with both of them sent back in time to the place Bucky still considers home: 1939 Brooklyn.

Trying to lay low and not fuck up the timeline, they're forced to depend on each other to survive in the past. While Bucky slowly starts to work through his issues, Clint throws a wrench in the works by making pals with the guys next door - a much younger Bucky and Steve.

Been waiting to post this for so long! Hope you all enjoy it! Mind the homophobia tags.

Also keep an eye out the fantastic embedded art by @kangofu-cb and @claraxbarton!

73 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Is there any greater AO3 crime than marking a fic as Complete when it isn’t?

146 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[stressmanagementnearme]

Finding a Reiki Practitioner near Me: A Comprehensive Guide

Do you want to find a way to heal your body and mind? If this is the case, Reiki may be the ideal healing method for you. Reiki is a Japanese word that literally means "hand touch." It is a type of energy healing that employs hands-on techniques to improve energy flow and balance in the body while also connecting people with their spiritual side. Although anyone can use reiki, it is most commonly used for various common ailments and emotional attachments that are difficult to let go. In this guide, we will explain the fundamentals of reiki healing, outline the steps involved in using reiki, and recommend how to find a reiki practitioner near you so that you can receive the best possible healing. Healing wishes!

Who can benefit from Reiki?

Reiki is a wonderful healing modality if you want to improve your health and well-being. Touch is used in this ancient form of alternative medicine to promote healing. It is appropriate for everyone, including the elderly, children, and those with chronic illnesses. In fact, studies have shown that when combined with other therapies such as acupuncture and massage, Reiki is even more effective. So, if you're looking for some relaxation and healing, look for a Reiki practitioner near you. With so many registered practitioners in your area, you should have no trouble finding one who meets your needs and budget! If you're still not sure if Reiki is for you, don't worry –contact us to have a chat and know more about Reiki.

How to find a Reiki Practioner Near Me?

It can be difficult to locate a Reiki practitioner. But don't worry, we're here to help! In this comprehensive guide, we will teach you how to find a reiki practitioner near you. If you Google Reiki practitioners near me, you may get a list of practitioners in your area. Remember you can also receive Reiki from a distance, Reiki In London so if you find a Reiki healer you like but he or she does not live in the same area it is okay. You can still contact them as they will be able to hold distance Reiki session, which produces the same results as in-person Reiki.

Here are 5 tips to find a qualified Reiki practitioner near you.

Tip 1: When looking for a Reiki therapist or Reiki healer near you, look for a Level 3 practitioner.

Tip 2: Verify the Reiki ancestry or linage of your practitioner.

Tip 3: Request a copy of the professional indemnity and general liability insurance plans that your Reiki practitioner carries, and make sure they are still in effect.

Tip 4: Pick a Reiki practitioner who is registered with the CNHC in the UK

Tip 5. Engage your Reiki practitioner before making a commitment.

What Is Reiki Healing?

Reiki may be the perfect fit for you if you're looking for a type of energy healing that can help you relax, de-stress, and heal. However, it is critical to conduct preliminary research. This will assist you in locating a qualified and experienced practitioner of the technique. Once you've found a practitioner you like, schedule an appointment and get ready for a truly rewarding experience. There are numerous types of Reiki practitioners, so it's critical to find one who shares your beliefs and practices. Remember to inquire about their experience and qualifications, and keep track of any symptoms you may be experiencing to determine if reiki is a good fit for you.

What is Reiki?

Reiki is an alternative healing technique that uses energy to relieve pain and stress. It is thought to be beneficial for treating a variety of health issues, including anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and others. If you're searching for

Frequently Asked Questions

What should I expect during my first session with a Reiki practitioner?

When you first meet with a Reiki practitioner, you should anticipate the following: 1. Physical pain, anxiety, stress, depression, fatigue, and other symptoms may be relieved. 2. Sessions are usually an hour long 3. During the session, the practitioner will learn about your specific needs and address them.

Reiki Healing From Distance

What are the benefits of Reiki?

Reiki has numerous advantages, which include: 1. You can improve your overall well-being and live a happier life by balancing your chakras with Reiki treatments. 2. Reiki has also been shown to help with pain relief and energy levels. 3. Chakra imbalance can cause a variety of health issues, including stress, anxiety, depression, common ailments, and others. 4. Reiki is a natural energy healing technique that focuses on the chakras and meridians.

How often should I sessions with a Reiki practitioner be scheduled?

Sessions with a Reiki practitioner should be scheduled at least once every two weeks. However, if you believe your symptoms are worsening or lasting longer, you may need to schedule more sessions. However, it is always best to consult with your practitioner about your specific needs and how frequently you would like to attend sessions.

What are some common questions that people have about Reiki?

One of the most common questions about Reiki is how many sessions they should expect. The majority of people receive three or four sessions. This number, however, is dependent on the person's health, energy level, and the Reiki practitioner's discretion. Another common question is whether Reiki is safe for pregnant women or children. While there is no definitive answer, Reiki is generally thought to be safe when practiced by properly trained and certified practitioners. As a result, before undergoing Reiki treatment, it is always best to consult with a doctor.

Conclusion

Finding a reiki practitioner in your area can be difficult. However, if you follow the advice in this blog, you should be able to find a practitioner who can assist you on your path to healing. First and foremost, it is critical to recognize that Reiki is not only for physical healing; it can also help to improve your mental health and energy levels. Second, when looking for a reiki practitioner, it is critical to ask questions. You should be able to identify any potential health issues and make an informed decision about whether or not reiki is right for you after doing so. Finally, make a reservation with a practitioner before you arrive so you can get started.

#Mindfulness Classes Near Me #Mindfulness And Meditation #Reiki Healing Near Me #Reiki Practitioner Near Me #Stress Anxiety Depression #What Is Reiki Healing #stress management consultant

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day.

My beautiful friend Tracey Lewis came home from her holiday yesterday and, to use her words, it was a “shock to the system”. For most British people, when we return home after a week (or two) in the sun, we come off that plane into the cold and it’s like, “Christ, back to reality!” But I wonder what it’s like for people from hot countries? What does that feel like? I’m sure they don’t intentionally go to Greenland or Lapland to experience ‘cold’ but, even if they go to the UK or Germany or Switzerland, it’s going to be markedly cooler than home. When they disembark from their plane home, it must be like, “Aaaah, warmth!”

Tumblr keeps sending me an email saying, “Need distractions? Try these?” No, Tumblr, I don’t need distractions. I am already distracted as it is! Do you not find distractions a problem in your life? I do. Procrastination – as far as I can see – is a very serious illness. These bloody distractions!

“Poor people are richer than you think.” (Therese Coffey on BBC Radio 4) Tories think that working class people are essentially shifty liars and cheats. Tories think that all working class people are doing tasty cash-in-hand jobs and extracting every benefit possible. I think we all know which set of people are stealing millions (sometimes billions) of pounds of public money every year.

Naturally, I subscribe to Martin Lewis’s Money Saving Expert’s Weekly Money Tips. Top of the list this week: ‘Free Wills’. As we’re all going to be dead soon, might as well get it sorted now?

Some people feel that, as CEOs, directors and shareholders are experts and have worked hard to get where they are, they deserve big rewards! The truth of the matter is that it’s not WHAT you know but WHO you know! Many of these ‘senior’ people are relatives or friends (or friends of friends) of existing employees. Inherited positions and inherited wealth.

Last night the Evening Standard reported, “Shock fall in monthly growth leads to new fears of recession.” Erm … let’s unpick that. Who was shocked? I wasn’t, and I’m not an economist! Secondly, “fears” of a recession? Ain’t we IN a recession? How much more depressed does this country have to be? Consumer confidence is shot to shit! People don’t want to come out of their homes, people don’t even want to turn on the heating or boil the kettle! If we want people to SPEND money, we need to reduce prices and reduce bills! Wholesale energy costs have plummeted recently. Ofgem notes that wholesale electricity costs have seen an annual fall of 23%, with gas prices plummeting by 38% over this timeframe. This means that electricity is the cheapest it has been since September 2010, and gas has not been so cheap since April 2010. And yet my monthly payment has gone up! Oh, I get it! The CEO has a holiday home in The Algarve and the Olympic-sized swimming pool needs upgrading. I totally understand. Also, I hear the main shareholder has a mistress who is demanding her own flat in Central London. This all makes sense. Now I see why my energy bill has increased.

I don’t have a culture. I don’t feel part of any race or religion. So, no one will be able to cancel my culture. I have a lifestyle. You can try and cancel that, if you want, but I like me and I like the way I live, so you probably won’t be able to cancel my lifestyle either! There have even been some people who’ve tried to cancel me! Go ahead! Knock yourself out!

Have a throbbing and thrusting Thursday (with hopefully a few thrills through your thoroughfare?) I love you all.

#mixcloud #mi soul #dj #music #lockdown #new blog #coronavirus #books #weekend #democracy #brexit #cronyism #election #autumm

[tarosin]

the great adventures of y/n tommy jack and tubbo

requested: yes/no

an: part 4 of the great adventures series

pairing: platonic y/n/tommy/jack/tubbo

warning: cursing

It was the afternoon before your new adventure with your friends. you had no idea what to expect, however everyone else knew even ranboo, and he wasn’t even joining you all. you would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, especially after hearing some of tommys plans for future uploads. tubbo had been trying to drop hints about what was going to happen. You honestly couldn’t tell if he was excited or nervous, either way you could tell it was going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity and boy were you excited. the sound of knocking pulled you from your thoughts.

“hi y/n! sorry for the unexpected visit, i tried to call you but it wouldn’t go through.”

“oh god sorry, tubbo, my phones on charge upstairs, ive just finished babysitting my friends twitch chat.”

“that’s okay, tommy wanted me to see if you want to stay the night as i can take you with me now. he said something about it saving time tomorrow as jack won’t have to go as far and we can get there earlier, i honestly just think he’s slightly nervous and wants to spend time with someone.”

“i’ve not prepared a bag or anything as i was just planning on grabbing everything i needed in the morning, but i’m down to go with you. i’ll pack a bag real quick, make yourself feel at home. you can stay down here or come upstairs with me.”

tubbo followed you upstairs, and helped you pick which outfits would be the best to wear for the trip. around 10 minutes later you finished packing your bag and turned around to see a very pale tubbo, dropping your bag to the floor you pulled a chair up to your bed sitting opposite him.

“you feeling okay tubs?”

“just nerves, I'll be alright, are you ready to go?”

“ready if you are!”

the journey to tommys was relatively quick, you spent it talking about group plans for when ranboo comes to the uk.

tubbo: almost here!

tommy: yes! want to stream for a bit later, just something small could do laugh and the stream ends. i’ll go talk to my mum now!

•••

tubbo: please open the door

tommy: on it

the pair of you stood at the door waiting for tommy to unlock it

“TUBBO! Y/N I'M GLAD YOU COULD BOTH MAKE IT!”

not too long later, you and tubbo had put everything away and sat with tommy planning out a small stream.

“so i was talking with my parents and we can do an outside stream, and set fire to marshmallows!”

“as much as i love fire tommy i don’t think your parents will appreciate arson in the garden.”

“it’ll be fine now grab a jacket, we need to go walk to the shop.”

the three of you set off determined to get to the shop and back before it got dark, tommy and tubbo walked on either side of you as they want you to feel safe. thankfully the shop was only around the corner so you were all only out for about 20 minutes maximum, you probably could have made it back earlier but you stopped every time you saw a pretty rock.

“y/n come on we still need to stream!”

“did you tweet that you were streaming?”

“no he didn’t.”

“then come and look at this pretty rock!”

tommy and tubbo couldn’t help but laugh at how many rocks you managed to pick up.

•••

“guys i think i’d rather just spend time with you all rather than stream.”

“that’s fine, tommy!!”

the three of you sat around the fire updating one another about plans and opportunitie, coming. the conversation swiftly came to an end when tommy had set fire to a stick claiming it was to make the fire grow. you laughed as you heard his mum yelling at him to stop trying to set you and tubbo on fire.

���sorry about that everyone, but look the fire is big again.”

it got colder as the sun went down, so the three of you sat with a blanket draped over you all. his mum offered to take photos for you and you happily accepted, the pictures looked amazing and you posted it to instagram with the caption ‘i am cold and no one is telling me what’s happening tomorrow.’

it was around 11pm when the three of you agreed it was time to go back inside and sleep.

•••

you and tubbo stayed downstairs and tommy stayed in his room. the sound of tubbos alarm woke the pair of you up.

“turn that fucking thing off!”

“this is the fourth time it’s gone off and you’re still not up?”

“that’s because i’m tired.”

“please get ready jack will be here soon enough.”

realisation finally hit today was the day you were finally about to find out what this once in a lifetime opportunity was. tubbo advised you to wear sensible clothing and not wear the zodiac necklace you always wore, so you decided to wear the hoodie ranboo sent you a week ago and leggings.

“y/n you might wanna tie your hair up.”

“tubbo are you sure you’re feeling okay? you genuinely look ill."

“i’m fine.”

jack: right i’m outside so whenever you’re ready

lani: we’re making our own way later on as the hotel we stayed at is closer

y/n: will someone tell me what we’re doing

ranboo: no

y/n: you’re not even joining us how did you get in the gc

ranboo: magic

y/n: fuck off give me a clue

ranboo: i’ve said it since you dyed your hair neon f/c you’d be able to see from way up in the sky

y/n: what the actual hell is that supposed to mean

•••

soon enough you met up with everyone else and lani started recording.

“we’re skydiving, you ready tubbo?”

“WERE DOING WHAT? HOLY SHIT!”

you honestly couldn’t wait to do this. it was something you had wanted to do for a while, tubbo on the other hand clearly didn’t agree, which was evident through his whining.

you stood with tommy laughing as tubbo sat alone questioning why he agreed to this.

“look at him.”

“he’s is not happy.”

you sat next to jack and tubbo watching the video demonstrating what you will all be doing soon. you let out a nervous laugh, as although you were excited, you couldn’t help but be a bit nervous.

“you could fall into the engine and get chopped up.”

“tommy stop scaring tubbo!”

“what if the parachute doesn’t work?”

“free fall to your death.”

“y/n you’re not helping!”

you stood recording tubbo laying on the floor once again whining.

“tubbo there are so many people behind you!”

“i’m sure the parachute won’t fail tubbo, but if it does it was lovely knowing you!”

“uuuuuuugh!”

“i fully agree bo.”

soon enough you tommy and jack joined tubbo on the floor.

“look at the clouds.”

“we’re going to be in them soon.”

“hell yeah!”

“ughhhh!”

you tried not to laugh trying to calm tubbo down a bit before you all jumped out a plane, which worked until you left him alone with tommy whilst you spoke to jack for a while.

“to be fair that looks quite fun.”

“and dangerous!”

“STOP!”

“well sounds like tubbos thrilled to be here.”

the four of you sat on a bench talking about what’s going to happen, and laughing at tubbos nerves trying to make light of the situation.

“look it’ll be fun, tubbo, provided we don’t die there’s a chance we’ll be in more vlogs.. okay so ignore the black cloud of smoke!”

“that’s not a good omen.”

“shut up!”

you wrapped an arm around tubbo trying to make him feel comfortable and reassure him it’ll be fine, only to be interrupted by jack and tommy bickering about eating before jumping from the plane.

•••

the four of you went to the briefing, at this point you were struggling to contain your excitement, and couldn’t help but laugh out of pure joy.

“no, they are listening, they're just excited.”

after doing training for the jump, you stood with tommy whilst someone questioned him about how he got 9 million subs.

“I just went around being incredibly cool.. doing minecraft.”

you and jack burst out laughing whilst tommy went on to make jokes about how much money he was earning.

•••

it was now almost time to jump out a plane. it was around now nerves were kicking in, so you all went around messing about till you were told it’s time to make your way to get ready.

“let’s go gamers!”

•••

“are you a skydiver enjoyer?”

“i am.”

“well that’s always good... please, don’t let me die!”

“y/n are you scared?”

“no, my ranboo merch will protect me, but if i die can we blame tommy for coming up with this?”

“ranboos not going to believe that you’re wearing the jumper he sent you to jump out a plane.”

a few minutes later you over heard a worker say they’re nervous causing you to tilt your head and blink again, trying to process what was said.

“heh???”

it was now time for the four of you to put the equipment on, so you were ready to jump. jack started talking a lot more than usual at a quicker pace due to the fact he was getting nervous. tommy pointed it out and jack trying to argue he wasn’t made you laugh.

“y/n keeps making a lot of jokes about my parachute being shit.”

“sorry manifold should be fine...more than likely...hopefully. only time will tell really.”

“how you doing buddy?”

“i’m feeling okay. i feel my insides doing inside bits.”

“wonderful!”

you were now all waiting to go as a worker jokes about forgetting something.

“y/n you’re going with him!”

“okay, but why?”

“well you said your ranboo merch will protect you..”

someone went by going rather fast causing you to stare in awe.

“we don’t go that fast, do we?”

“no not unless something goes terribly wrong.”

you all stood there laughing.

“stoppppp!”

“y/n, i’m now thinking you should go with them instead!”

“are you trying to kill me off jack?”

•••

you all set off towards the plane, a mixture of excitement and nerves began kicking in.

“tubbos on a lead.”

“oh i’m really nervous jack.”

“look at y/n!”

lani began to record you, who was now way ahead of the others, so you stopped and waved at lani.

“BYE LANI! HOPEFULLY ILL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE!”

the others caught up and everyone had their equipment checked again.

“oh dear.. should be fine.”

“i’m alright, don’t worry my ranboo merch will protect us!” you got on first and that when you realised they set you up, so you jumped last as you were more confident and tubbo was jumping first so he could get it out the way.

you all sat on the plane and waved at the camera.

“hi there!”

“hello!”

“hi!”

“please don’t let us die!”

“we’re really jumping out a plane with a dream stan.”

“this is the highest we’ve ever been.”

“gamers in a plane whatever will they do...hopefully not die!”

“Y/N!”

“sorry tubbo!”

you were currently at 2,000 feet and sat looking out the window waiting to reach 14,000 feet. jack turned to you and tommy, “i can’t believe you’re jumping out the plane in philza merch and y/ns jumping out in ranboo merch.”

“if i die at least ill look great doing it.”

12,000 feet later it was now tubbos turn to jump, he looked back at you all.

“YOU GOT THIS TUBBO!!”

you watched as tubbo went.

“GOOD LUCK TOMMY!”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN GOOD LUCK? Y/N?”

“BYEEEEE!”

you laughed as tommy went.

“see you later jack!”

you gave jack a high-five and watched as he went.

“holy shit they actually did it!”

“are you ready, y/n?”

“hell yeah, let’s do this!”

you laughed as you jumped, you couldn’t believe you actually got to jump out of a plane, you waved at camera.

lani met the others as they landed and began telling them about it.

“wait where’s y/n?”

“there they are!”

“Y/N!”

the others ran up to you as you landed.

“i’m glad you didn’t die!”

“thanks jack!”

•••

“would you all do it again?”

“yeah.”

“no.”

“maybe, i’m not sure.”

“i reckon so.”

not too long later, you were all given certificates to celebrate the fact you had jumped out a plane.

“yay it made nearly dying worth it!”

“you’re so dramatic!”

•••

you thought the day was over and that you were going home, little did you know that wasn’t the case.

“were not done for the day.”

“what?”

“heh?”

“you’re tilting your head again.”

“i know it’s because i’m confused!”

“anyway, what do you mean we’re not done?”

“you know george, he’s arrived!”

“gogy!”

“GOGY!”

“can i have a nap in the car please? i’m so exhausted."

taglist:

@l0ver0fj0y

#mcyt x reader #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt writing #mcyt imagines #mcyt imagine #tommyinnit x you #tommyinnit x y/n #tommyinnit fluff #tommyinnit imagine #tommyinnit x reader #tubbo x you #tubbo x y/n #tubbo fluff #tubbo imagine #tubbo x reader #jack manifold x you #jack manifold x y/n #jack manifold fluff #jack manifold imagine

[thebibliosphere]

if you have the time and capacity I would greatly appreciate some chronic health advice! I'm also someone who deals with the clusterfuck of problems that is MCAS (and POTS and EDS and immune deficiency...) and I'm wondering what drew you to an organic diet to treat MCAS? its really hard for me to find reliable information on if and why it works, but I've seen several mentions within the MCAS community about it.

I've been Struggling to keep my MCAS symptoms in check, and they keep escalating (severe asthma flares, burning in my mouth while consuming things, and bleeding sores suddenly appearing in my mouth and taking forever to heal, along with all the typical MCAS symptoms just short of anaphylaxis) so at this point I'm willing to try anything that might help 😭 I do have an allergy/immunology doctor, but a lot of their focus lately has been trying to treat my immune deficiency, so I haven't gotten much info on how to handle this. any advice or info you can point me towards would be greatly appreciated.

So, I was prescribed an all organic diet by my allergist before we new I had MCAS because during a bout of testing to try and figure out what the hell was going on, I had two different skin reactions to corn. One was organic corn, and my body was completely fine. The other was regular corn and my body broke out in hives. I wasn’t told which was which, or even what they were testing, in order to prevent any possible psycho symptomatic reactions. My then allergist, who I honestly miss cause he was way more competent and 💯% less of an ass than the one I have now, looked at that, looked at all my other problems and went “well that’s weird”, and summarily prescribed me an all organic diet to see if it would help.

It did, and it was concluded that my body was reacting to the minute trace amounts of synthetic pesticide (probably glysophate) found in non-organic foods. I emphasize synthetic, because organic foods still use organic pesticides, which are also not that great for the environment or people due to lack of FDA regulation, but when your choices are death now or potential cancer in 40 years, you take what you can get. He also hypothesized that because I grew up in the UK/Europe where pesticide use in general is more heavily regulated, as are preservatives, that that was also what was making me ill.

Some five years later and we fast forward to now, and we do indeed know that pesticides and preservatives can be mast cell disorder triggers. Even more natural ways of preserving foods (like fermenting) can be a mast cell dysfunction trigger due to histamine intolerance. The more you know 🌈 ⭐️

Which is also something to consider. Not everyone with MCAS has histamine intolerance, just like how not everyone with HIT has MCAS, but the two often go hand in hand. If you haven’t tried a low histamine elimination diet, it might be worthwhile to see if it helps. I do urge caution though, as a low histamine diet is extremely dangerous long term due to lack of nutrients, and it should ideally be done under the guidance of a doctor for no more than 4 weeks. I was left on a low histamine diet for almost two years by a negligent doctor, and almost starved to death. Also with things like MCAS and HIT the goal is to gradually build your list of tolerated foods back up, not to keep eliminating them, as that is the only way to heal. You need to get your body to a good baseline for healing, then try to get as much nutrients back into your diet as possible. And before anyone jumps in to recommend feeding tubes as they’ve done in the past: feeding tubes should be an absolute last resort when all other options have been exhausted. They are also no guarantee against anaphylaxis and have other complications that can be fatal, so it is imperative to try and avoid them at all costs.

With an HIT diet and competent medical supervision, I’ve gone from being able to eat 2 things to 21 in the last year. Still not a huge amount, but it’s huge progress for me, considering my body was reacting to tap water at one point. Still does sometimes, so I recommend looking into filters that remove trace amounts of chlorine from the water, for both drinking and bathing. You can get shower filters that attach to the head for like $30 and it can help with skin reactions/eczema like symptoms. I do not recommend full house systems that filter via the pipes, as the treatments used in water are actually essential for preventing things like pipe corosion or mold build up, but filtering from the faucets/shower heads is a good idea.

Which brings me onto things like skin products and household items. With MCAS, there can be any number of things that trigger us that in turn make our bodies primed to react to everything and anything we put into it. A lot of household cleaners, especially scented things, are mast cell dysfunction triggers. Tide washing detergent, for example, absolutely murders my throat if I breathe the scent in. We had friends come to stay recently to help with our basement demolition, and the smell of their laundry detergent made my throat swell and my eyes burn. It also helped me realize that yeah, actually, switching to all free and clear products for all of our household needs has Substantially reduced my overall reactions, including to foods. I now avoid anything scented, yes including essential oils, because essential oils can be triggers for anyone, not just folks with mast cell issues. Natural doesn’t mean safe. Nor does it mean shit to MCAS where some people can eat potato chips just fine, but can’t eat healthier things like fruit or veg because our mast cells have gone wonky and mistake certain proteins for allergies, whether we have a true IgE allergy or not.

Unfortunately, this does mean we end up incredibly deficient in many vitamins and nutrients, and supplements are necessary for our survival and recovery. Re: the mouth sores and bleeding, if no one has tested your b12 levels along with a homocysteine test, get that done asap. I had mouth sores for up to six months before we found out I had severe pernicious anemia and was on the verge of death. Low folate and low iron can also cause tongue/mouth burning, and those things go hand in hand with b12 deficiency. (And most foods that are high in b12 are often off-limits to people with HIT/MCAS. EDS also means we don’t absorb them as well from the gut, so it’s a good thing to check regardless) if it's not that, try looking at things like your toothpaste/mouthwash. Try avoiding toothpaste with SLS in them; see if that helps. Sensodyne is a good brand that makes an effort to avoid SLS but double-check the ingredients. I can't use any mouthwashes, so I make a point of doing salt water rinses when I remember. Some people also use oil pulling as an alternative to conventional mouthwash.

Unfortunately, MCAS is one size fits no one disorder, so the only way to get a handle on it is to find out what works for you. It makes things very overwhelming, but I hope some of the above is helpful and proves useful to you. Best of luck, and if you've got any more questions hmu, I'll try to help where I can 💖

#chronic health tag #mcas #long post #eds #pots #histamine intolerance

[dailydnp]

YouTube stars and LGBT+ influencers Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard on how they and their queer fans have helped each other through “radical bravery”.

Dan Howell, a comedian and one of world’s most popular YouTubers, and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, lesbian YouTube star and disability advocate, have had vastly different experiences as queer content creators.

The two LGBT+ YouTubers spoke to PinkNews to mark the launch of The Rise, a YouTube campaign that celebrates diverse UK creative talent on the platform.

Having already made YouTube videos for 10 years, Dan came out publicly in June 2019, in a 45-minute video titled “Basically I’m gay”.

He described his coming out story as “very strange”, and told PinkNews: “Me already being this kind of obnoxiously, omnipresent public figure, I had to kind of go on this process.

“I’ve known how gay I was since forever, but had to go on the whole journey of not just working out how I would communicate that to the world, but truly reaching a point of self-acceptance.

“Because on some level throughout all of my life, I’ve accepted it but not really acknowledged it. I said: ‘I’m not ready yet, now’s not the time, I don’t know how.'”

Jessica, on the other hand, explained that she has “never struggled” with her sexuality, having always known she would be accepted.

“I have a very different coming out story to most LGBT+ people in that I was raised in a Quaker family, and there was never the expectation that I was going to grow up and get a husband and that this was the way things happened… So I’ve never struggled with my sexuality in that way,” she said.

While Jessica uses her online platform to discuss her life as an LGBT+ person as well as queer history, much of her audience comes to her channel for her disabilities advocacy.

She has two rare genetic conditions, HNPP and EDS, which affect her nerves and connective tissues. She is deaf, visually impaired and her conditions can affect her mobility with varying severity.

“Being a disabled and chronically ill teenager, I had this big thing in my life that was really difficult, and a real struggle, and being gay just paled in comparison,” she said.

“There was obviously the drama, the girls that I liked didn’t liked me, they always turned out to be straight. But that was the biggest drama.

“When I started YouTube, I was already married, it was already very much like, this is who I am. I’m gay, this is my wife. There’s no question. There’s no worrying about it.”

She added: “I like to think that that does, in a way, represent what our future is going to be –  that we don’t have to have these coming out stories where people worry about how they’re going to be accepted, and worried about the response they’re going to get.”

Dan Howell wishes he’d had queer role models like Jessica Kellgren-Fozard when he was growing up.

Dan Howell said that YouTubers like Jessica Kellgren-Fozard could have helped him immensely when he was discovering his LGBT+ identity.

“If there was someone like Jessica when I was a young person watching YouTube, I just know I would have had a profoundly different journey through life and coming to accept my sexuality,” he said.

“I would have been represented, I would have learned about queer history, I would have been seeing different relationships, seeing different personalities.”

From LGBT+ issues to disabilities and mental health, both Dan and Jessica have used their platforms to share their experiences in areas that are vastly underrepresented in mainstream media, showing their viewers many facets of their identities.

In 2017, Dan used his YouTube channel to discuss his struggle with his mental health, in a video titled “Daniel and Depression”.

“There’s many aspects to a human,” he said. “I’ve always come from a place of just talking about whatever’s on my mind, or whatever is important to me.

“It was quite a jump for me to make that first video about mental health, opening up about depression out of nowhere was quite scary. Because even three or four years ago, it was still more of a taboo topic.

“I tried to do it in my own way, which is to kind of inappropriately joke about it at my own expense, and try to make it a storytelling experience. That’s just the same as everything else I do.”

Jessica said that from her point of view, “the best representation is always ‘happens to be'”.

“It’s the idea that you have a character who’s going on an adventure, you have someone who’s talking to you about makeup, and they just happen to be gay. Because otherwise we’re not really going to be reaching outside of our own echo chamber.”

She explained that some viewers end up watching 10 of her videos without ever realising that she’s married to a woman, which she thinks is “the best way to kind of have any change and effect on the culture and and people in the world”.

“Because if we’re always trying to preach to the choir, we’re not really going to get anywhere,” she said.

“But if people are thinking so-and-so on TV is absolutely amazing and then later find out that they’re gay, maybe they’ll be changing some preconceived notions.”

“It’s this kind of sneaky, insidious way that the gay agenda will thrive and inevitably take over the world,” laughed Dan. “Winning hearts and minds.”

One particularly heartwarming example, Jessica said, was when a fan used her videos to come out to their parents.

“She was raised in a very religious household and her parents were not at all open to the idea of homosexuality. In fact, if they were watching television, and something came up relating to the subject, they would immediately turn it off, change the channel, perhaps say something wasn’t particularly lovely.

“She was sat there feeling like, ‘Oh, am I ever going to come out my parents?'”

The fan decided to curate a playlist of Jessica’s videos to show her mother.

“It started with videos that I made about my religion,” she said, “and then transitioned to fashion and videos about history. And just slowly, each video was a slightly gayer video.”

“Her mother became a fan within the first 20 videos. She was like: ‘This seems like a good role model for my child.’

“Eventually [she realised] this role model has a wife and is gay, and is OK with this. And her parents are religious and OK with her being gay… I was able to provide a tool for someone to do that to come out in quite a safe way to their parents.”

The “radical bravery” of his queer fans helped Dan Howell come out.

Dan Howell, on the other hand, said that his fans were the ones who helped him feel safe to come out.

While still in the closet, he said he found it “difficult” that he viewers saw him as someone who was always “open and honest” with them, especially after sharing his experience with depression.

“I went on a world tour in 2018… I was doing these meet and greets, and people would genuinely pour their hearts out to me, and they would talk about everything they were going through in their life,” he said.

“They would talk about illness, they would talk about mental health. And so many people talked about sexuality, just because the community that had been created had this attitude of acceptance and growth and coming together and wholesomeness.”

While he understands that there was “no presumption [he] was a homophobe”, he found it confusing when people would tell him that he had inspired them to come out.

“It was difficult, because I stood there feeling like I was a sham. People were saying: ‘I feel strong enough to say this to you, because you’ve been so open and vulnerable to me.’ And I was just stood there like: ‘Well, actually, I feel like there’s the biggest part of me that I haven’t even yet gone on the journey to acknowledge myself.’

“I mean, I’ve had people that came out to me in front of their parents, because they felt like they were in a safe environment, and that’s crazy.

“The radical bravery of some of these people is what made me think if I was feeling like a little scared dog in my apartment, looking in the mirror like a chihuahua, thinking: ‘How am I ever going to come out publicly at this stage of my life?’ I would think well, actually, look at the younger generation.”

In the ‘chaos’ of the internet, queer YouTubers like Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard building valuable communities.

While the internet can be a scary place for queer folk, Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard are determined to use it to build community and acceptance.

“I think that we don’t talk enough about the wonderful sides of the internet,” said Jessica.

“How it allows people to come together and create a community, how it gives us access to education that might before been blocked to us, how we’re able to actually learn from people who come before us.

“I really like talk about queer history, because we’re one of the only communities and minorities that can’t pass down out knowledge through the generations. Because you know, gay people don’t necessarily have gay kids.

“We often miss out on learning from our elders and learning what’s come before us. And I think it’s really important and lovely that we talk about and validate and really cherish these communities that are available to us on the internet.”

Dan added: “When you look at the chaos of the internet and various online communities, I think it is good to see when people are creating content that can make people feel better.

“For all of the terrifying chaos of the freedom of the internet and creating on YouTube, it also lets people emerge that may not have been represented, you can create the content that you wish someone was making for you.

“And I think that’s one of the best things.”

#daniel howell #danisnotonfire #dan #phan #mine #interview

[outerbanksfashionblog]

Red Carpet Ratings: MTV Music & TV Awards 2021

Chase Stokes: 9/10

          Chase was styled by Avoyer Magyan wearing a complete look from Fendi. Avoyer and Chase have worked together before, like in Chase’s cover shoot for VMan Magazine and you can definitely tell. All his looks tend to be very cohesive but also also reflect what we’ve come to see from Chase’s personal sense of style. 

          I really like this look. In general, men aren’t held to as high of a standard as women when it comes to the way the dress, which is very upsetting, but I do appreciate the effort Chase put into his look. The vibrant monochrome red is a good choice that keeps the suit from being boring. The sheer lace undershirt also adds texture and makes the whole look a bit more adventurous and less basic. Overall I really like this and think it was a good introductory look for one of his first red carpets. 

        However, the pants are too long and need to be hemmed and I hate the sneakers. 

Rudy Pankow: 7/10

      Rudy was styled by Monty Jackson wearing a full look from Saint Laurent by Anthony Vaccarello. This suit is very synonymous with what the brand has come to represent: a little edgy, a little punk-y, and a little classy. 

       I don’t believe that Rudy and Monty have worked together before and I think you can tell. I think the textural differences between the suit and the shirt help keep this look from being too boring, but that being said, it’s boring. I was surprised to see Rudy in such a basic suit, especially since his personal style is composed of lots of bright colors and funky patterns and I would like to see that reflected more in his red carpet style. 

     All in all, its not a bad look. The fit is good and it has some nice details. I just think Rudy played it a little bit too safe. 

Madelyn Cline: 9.5/10

        Madelyn and Chase may have accepted their award jointly but Miss Madelyn Cline was the clear winner tonight. She was dressed head-to-toe in vintage Versace styled by Mimi Cuttrell. Mimi Cuttrell is the queen of the it girl style. She heavily favors Versace and has worked with the likes of Bella Hadid, Ariana Grande, and Dua Lipa. Her and Madelyn have worked together on multiple different occasions and you can see how well they are able to blend their styles together. 

     This dress is wonderful. Its bright color and structural details help to offset the simplicity of the dress. I love a structured mini-dress. The jewelry is also really great, with big rings covering her hands but avoiding any unneeded jewelry along the neckline. That neckline and those sleeves speak for themselves. I think the hair and makeup complete this look perfectly which speaks to a really cohesive team of stylist, hairdressers, and make-up artists. 

     My only issue with this look is that again, I think Madelyn played it safe. I look forward to seeing more adventurous looks in the future! 

Madison Bailey: 6/10

     Madison Bailey was styled by Kyle Kagamida wearing Versace S/S 2021. Madison and Kyle have been working together for quite some time and have turned out some spectacular looks, such as for Madison Bailey’s recent Glamour UK cover. Unfortunately, this is not one of those looks. 

     I like the long plait in her hair combined with the earrings. I really truly appreciate what Madison was trying to do here, and I like the fact that she stayed true to her own personal sense of style with lots of color and a very daring silhouette. But that's about all I like. This Versace collection has been seen on multiple red carpets this season (I.e Tiffany Hadish at the Kids Choice Awards) and I don’t get it. Versace is very well-know for looks that are sleek and sexy and this collection was a departure from that but not in a good way. 

    The cut of this skirt is bad. It has too much volume on the top, not enough on the bottom and combined with the pattern it is altogether way too busy. I like the bra/cardigan on its own, but it contrasts badly with the skirt and the hem falls at an awkward part of her torso. 

    All in all, not my favorite but huge props to Madison Bailey for being the only cast member to really step out and try a daring look. I know she’s going to have some amazing red carpets in the future! 

Jonathan Daviss: 6/10

      Jonathan was styled by Natasha Colvin and wearing Amiri. I don't know if Natasha and Jonathan have worked together before but Jonathan has worn Amiri on multiple occasions. Jonathan definitely stayed most true to his personal style out of the whole cast. 

         I like his shirt, the pattern is nice but simplistic and the fabric falls very well. I love the shell necklace and the VW Van necklace, I think it is such a wonderful nod to OBX. I really like the structured cream-colored jacket but I feel like it would have looked better on a bit of a different outfit. 

        This look feels disjointed. I like all the items individually but they don’t feel like they go together. The pants are ill-fitting and the sneakers are too clunky, while the bottom of the outfit looks much too casual for the top of the outfit. 

   I’m excited to see Jonathan’s personal style and red carpet style develop more and more as his career takes off. 

#Outer Banks #cast #mtv awards #may 2021 #red carpet ratings #jonathan daviss #chase stokes #madelyn cline #madison bailey #rudy pankow

[tomdiddlyumptious]

YES MA’AM- REQUESTS ARENT OPEN AT THE MOMENT I HAVE SOME TO FINISH AND ILL OPEN THEM BACK UP!

Summary: he makes it up 🥸

Warnings: soft smut? Language, acting drunk to leave, a jealous Tom holland, NOT PROOF READ

A/n: SORRY THIS TOOK ME SOOO LONG, I WAS LIKE MENTALLY PANICING AND WASNT IN THE RIGHT HEAD SPACE

T.H| Oop-

“I mean am I sleeping over though? Because I didn’t get these chocolate cakes for no reason, zendaya” you eye your phone. “Yes we will have a marathon of Harry Potter” you let out a little ‘yes’ “stop cheering y/n, and Toms gonna be there” “as in...” “yes. Tom holland, impossible tom holland” “REEEEE” you and zendaya have been best friends for what felt like foreverrr, like dramatically long, you played as one of her love interests.

But you’ve had a crush on Tom holland for longer, you had him on your wall, just kidding. But everyone in your family, mostly your mom said “oh you like snow flakes?” “Interracialllllll” “alright give me my privileged babies soon” “damn I kinda took you for the Asian type” “yeah I thought you liked BTS” “UK accents is hella annoyin, find someone else” “would you stop hoggin the TV? I’m tryna watch American Top Model!” “Nah let’s watch basesketball-“ anyways, ya you have annoying, irritating family, oh well.

“You think he likes dark skinned type?” “He likes girls with aggressive tans I know that much” “that isn’t helpful” “hey I’m just being honest” she shrugged looking at you through the phone as she picked up her makeup brush. “So what are gonna do for your birthday?” “I-uhhhh probably clubbing?” “As in golf?” “No, party y/n” she glared at you as you chuckled.

“Please ask hunter when we are getting married” “y/n, I know you have an insane crush on her to but it’s just never gonna happen, she’s mine” you stuck out your tongue at her as she did the same chanting “she’s mine, she’s mine” “whatever I need to get ready” “bye papas” “bye mamas” you hung up, instantly going to your closet and pulling out the dresses you have, only to put them back and grab a two piece, it’s neon yellow, the pants are high waisted, no belt, the top stopping right below your boob, the straps at the end of your collar bone.

For accessories you put on some black dangle earrings and a black purse, a gold but matching watch, but you put on sandals, no high heels because the pants were covering your feet anyways, for your hair you put on your wet and wavy lace front, you added lip gloss to your lips, and they look like glass, in a good way of course, the fox eyeliner with thick parted eyelashes and a neon eyeshadow with it. You brushed your eyebrows up and boom your done.

You stepped back and went to your full body mirror, checking your butt and your boobs, smiling at yourself “you look fine” you sigh, grabbing your bag, phone, and keys.

You phone rung and you answered. “Yes z?” “Are you picking me up?” “Yeah sure babe, I’ll be there soon” “alright bye” she hung up. Luckily for you, you just got your 1966 mustang, vibrant white baby, everyone would wanna touch your car, you named him KAI, stands for kiss ass ight. The License plate saying “white ssn”. (I’m sorry but I really like these old kinds of cars, I fucking had to) you hoped in your car and drove to dayas home, you picked her and her brother up, just listening to old 2000’s and 1900s songs, either rapping or singing your asses off.

You guys were there pretty early but of course you were, it’s her birthday, she didn’t want to dance yet because of her makeup and you felt the same, leaving her brother smacking his lips and eyes glued to his phone.

Now everyone was starting to come, hunter, Jacob, alexia, Barbie, everyone, and most importantly, Thomas Stanley holland. No cap you bout dead as fuck, did I mention you run on Red Bull’s? Just kidding. You remained calm, hugging hunter and talking to her. “Hey” zendaya said, grabbing your hand and pulling you up, pulling you to Tom. “Hi Thomas, this is y/n” “the one and only?” He laughed, making you both giggle. “Yeah” she nodded, Tom got up, opening his arms and she pinched you, silently telling you to hug him. And you did, taking a breath you smelled him, he smelled really good, sexy and musky, like something you’d want to smell all day.

“You smell nice” Tom whispered. “Yeah you too” you smiled, pulling back from his hands as he nodded at you and sat back down, you looked and zendaya as she silently cheered, you walked back over to hunter and ordered something to drink. “So you and Tom?” She asked, you only rolled your eyes. “You know I’ve had a crush on him for years now but I don’t think I’ll be making any progress” you thanked the person as they handed you the cheerily temple. “Whattt? This is your chance to get drunk and confess your feelings, like wake up in the morning with him” you smacked your lips at her “girl I don’t know, and I wouldn’t want him to forget what happend” you shrugged. She put her hand on your shoulder making you look at her “take a shot, before zendaya pressures the fuck out of you both” she warns, making you sigh and throw yourself back in the seat.

“I know and that’s the problem, I don’t think-“ “you’ve had a crush in him for years y/n, you can make this a reality, you don’t have to dream anymore” zendaya whispered in your ear “I told you” hunter smiled. “Fuck stop smiling at me like that, you’re gonna make me fall in love all over again” you said making them both laugh. “Okay Cupid what’s your plan?” “Don’t worry bout it alright girl?” “Alright”

“Harrison fuck off it’ll happen when it happens” “well it seems like she’s bored, I’ll go entertain her” “don’t you fuckin dare haz, I’ll beat the shit out of you” instead of haz getting up Harry did, he walked over to you and sat down next to you, the lights and music booming as he took out his camera. “Hey” he smiled at you. “Hi, I’m-“ “y/n, yeah I know, I’m Toms brother, Harry” he held out his hand and you took it. “I thought you looked really beautiful- I was just wondering if you wanted to take a few pictures?” “Oh I’m not the picture type” “pleaseee?” He beggged, you giggled and nodded. “Alright” he took a few pictures of you as Tom stared at you.

“He’s tottaly gonna get instead of you” Harrison whispered in his ear, making Thomas slap his arm “shut up div, I’m just gonna wait here and I’ll see what happens” he told haz his game plan, no progress. Zendaya walked over “I know you like y/n, please hit on her, you both would look so good together, you’d bring me smoll Bebes-“ “Jesus zendaya we get it” Tom rolls his eyes as haz lets out distant chuckles.

“This is so awkward, he doesn’t like me and-“ you sighed. “Oh my god, you never give up so easily y/n, what’s wrong you’ve liked him since preteens” hunter asked in all seriousness. “Are you talking about Tom?” Harry asks, both of you looking at him and letting out a way to fast “no” leaving Harry in giggles. “Well I wish I could help you but I don’t know anything” he shrugs, you soon see Tom make his way over to you, standing infront of you. He clears his throat to say something big but only lets out an-

“Hey” you wave back at him, hunter silently cringing, feeling the tension able to cut it with a butter knife. “Your so fücked” Harry laughed, Tom glaring at him but smiling back at you. “Uhm, how’s your day?” “To be honest I’m having a bit of anxiety right know” you both laughed “me too, yeah” he nods his head. “Look you don’t have to really speak to me if you don’t want to” you laughed “I think we both know-“ “zendaya” you both said. Hunter looked at Harry, panicking for you as you remained calm. “Okay- yeah- thanks” he smiled, as you returned, he walked off.

“You fucked up” “well what was I supposed to do Harry? Suck his dick?-“ “it would’ve made some progress” “shut up hunter” “I feel awkward for you” “second hand emarrassment hunter” “well you knew what I meant Harry so we are all good” you looked at them both “I’m fucked” they just both agree with you. “I think I’m gonna go” “then I’m coming!” Hunter said. “How are you gonna leave zendaya?” You only picked up his beer can, winking at him and hunter ‘helped’ you out.

“Woah woah woah where are you two going?” Zendaya asked, the shit in her hand as she looked confused. “She’s drunk” “whattttt no I’m nottt” zendaya looked at you as your eyes were barely opened, taking your finger and pushing it against hunters lips dramatically. “Let me tell yaa E sevret” you whispered at zendaya, you came close to her ear, “I’m so naw dunk” “you drunk, get out of here, Tom will give me a ride” zendaya waved you both off, Harry soon running up “let me get your number at least, yeah?” “Sureeeee” you wink at him, he hands you a pen and you write your number, a nice happy face next to it.

“Let’s get you home, nice show you out on” you took your time, trying to look drunk as possible. “My whole life is madness! I can’t- he doesn’t like me I promise you” you say, pulling out of the parking lot, hunter right next to you. “He does, let’s bet on it” “how much?” “200” “shake on it?” She handed you her hand and you shook it. “SOMETIMES YOU LAUGH SOMETIMES YOU CRY I GUESS YOU KNOW NOWWW, I TOOK THE HALF AND SHE TOOK THE WHOLE THING SLOW DOWNN” you both sung together “BABY” you both both failed the note, laughing together as you rode both of you home.

“She left” zendaya shruged, “what why?” “Shes black out drunk” Tom put his eyebrows together, he was litterally with you like a couple minutes ago, sober as hell. “Yeah... alright” he nodded, Harry took out his phone and sent you a simple hey, which you returned under a minute later.

Everyone had a lot of fun, you and hunter ordering some random stuff off of Amazon and making the cake that you would both send to zendaya the next day, on the other side everyone danced and drank, they were sober enough to go eat at least. “Who are you texting?” Tom asked Harry. “Y/n, she’s showing me the things that she’s ordering or something like that, I wonder why she’s a Harry Potter addict” toms jaw slightly clenched, “can I see?” He asked, Harry looked at him, forgetting that you’re supposed to be ‘drunk’ “Nah mate, she’s drunk texting me though” “bulshit, give me the phone” Harry sighed as he gave tom the phone, scrolling through the text messages the messages were alive, not dead at all, no lols, laughing emojis, more ‘lmao’ ‘AKDIHDIHFRJRFN-‘ ‘I- what? Okay-‘ he couldn’t help but be jealous, he handed Harry back the phone.

“What’s wrong?” Harry asked, looking at Tom confused. “You know I like her” “it didn’t seem like it back there” Harry smirked. “Do you like her?” Tom asked, Harry only shook his head “all for you, just making conversation and trying to pull her closer” “whattt Harry got the digits and you didn’t?” Haz whispered, “fuck off”

“But this is like, really ugly” “that’s why it’s called an ugly Christmas sweater, y/n” you layer on her arm, looking at Kohl’s, “green for sure, red is just plain” “how about we get like onzies of animals or the incredibles” hunter looked at you “perfect, yeah” you nod ferociously.

You checked your phone and saw some messages, from you dad and you mom but also Harry, you were quick to answer them all, and as the night got old you had finished the cake.

“I don’t know mate do some research on her, watch her interviews” haz suggests as they were all home, Tom mentally panicking because Harry’s eyes was glued to his phone, he whipped out his computer and searched your name, ‘Y/N has a CRUSH on who?’ He bit his lip and clicked it

“Sooo, we know your the romantic type- so who were you in love with?” The interviewer said, you smiled and shook your head. “I’ve always had a crush on Evan peters, algee smith from let it shine, Keith powers, and of course Tom holland, I don’t know but just in all his movies he was the cutest thing” you giggled, putting a leg over the other. “That’s a lot of people” “hey, I only crush on one now, and yes it’s Tom holland” the girl raised her eyebrows at the camera “you make sure you hit her up” “please do” you wink at the camera, “now, you feel sexy most when?” “Probably when I take a shower and put on my silk robe” you shrugged.

“Silk? Sexy” Tom smiled to himself, imagining you in it, maybe a towel over your freshly washed hair, lingerie under, maybe a mustard yellow to match your skin, his eyes widened in shock as he felt uncomfterble in his pants, he looked down at his pants “fuck, not now!”

“Are you really crying?” Hunter asked. “No I’m having an emotional roller coaster” “so your feeling different emotions, your so bipolar” hunter laughs, “your not helping you know” she only shrugged at you, then the door was knocked on “I’ll go get it” “alright” you acted sleep, thinking that it was probably zendaya and... you were right. “Hey is she sleep?” She asked, hugging hunter. “yeah, but come in- she’s on the couch” hunter smiled, hearing zendayas foot steps and she giggled “she’s sober by now” she bent down, wiggling your ear and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hiiiii” she waved at you, you only waved back, then she laid down next to you, her glasses on and in her sweatpants and a black t-shirt. “So you and Tom didn’t work huh?” She whispered and you only shook your head no, a tear fell down your cheek as she coed at you, wiping it away. “He’s stupid, he will come around one day yeah?” You nodded at her, “did you make the cake?” She asked and you nodded again. “Let me show you, come here” hunter said, she looked at you, you looked pretty lifeless at the moment honestly. Hunter and zendaya left and you checked your phone.

Ding

Your eyebrows furrowed at the anonymous message. You opened it and it said-

Hey it’s Tom, I was wondering if you’d like to get lunch yeah?

You texted him back-

As In... Tom holland orrrr...

Tom smiled at his phone

Yes y/n, Tom holland here, take it while you can

Cocky asshat

He laughed at your reply sending winking emojis,

Yeah lunch, I’ll see what I can do

Cya love

Bye luv

As time passed Tom looked at your work, your charity events, your women’s rights, your debates, your everything. He grew more interest then he already did, already wishing to work with you. “Hamburgers? What if she’s vegan, fuck” he only searched up what food you like, “burrito truck?” He could tell you weren’t like the other people with loaded of money, you were more of the cheap rich, not a bad thing but a very good one. “Sparkling water? That doesn’t really go with burritos, she doesn’t like cheese by it’s self or where you can taste it over anything, she sticks to the basics, god I need a pen and paper for this” “I got it, lover boy” Harry says, throwing it at him.

“Hey your the one who’s trying to take her away from me” “no that’s not true, I was trying to help you actually, her favorite color is (y/f/c) she likes nature or a big view of the city, beach sometimes, she actually wants a beach house” he shrugged, Tom smiled and thanked him, writing some things down

-nature, somewhere green for lunch

-quiet too, somewhere not to public

-sparkling water for sure, no burritos though

“Shit I don’t know, chicken or something!” Tom struggled.

-fruits, nuts, macoroons, nuts, wine

He smiled at the ugly written bullet points, “aha” he then took his phone, biting his lips as he tried to find the perfect place.

“He asked me to lunch last night” you smiled, hunter and zendaya looked at each other, mouths agape as they laughed. “Really? Oh my god y/n can I be the god mom?” “Oh I’ll be the god dad all the way!” Hunter added as you laughed and shook your head, you’ve been on a Harry Potter marathon all night, now your on a Star Wars one, so many tears fell of your face, you cried for draco, zendaya cried for George and Fred, hunter cheered on voldermort, which almost got her kicked out, how petty.

“What if it’s only lunch?” You asked, looking at hunter and zendaya. “I mean, yeah it is only lunch” hunter shrugged making zendaya slap her arm. “No it isn’t, you are probably gonna get laid and he’s gonna confess his love to youuu, then you both naked and kissing” “ew don’t make me imagine that” hunter shuddered, sticking out her tongue. “Welp we are staying here when you leave” “how do you know I won’t be back?” “Because I know things”

Tom spent his day visiting places, until he found the perfect one, green and the ocean? Best thing ever. It was pretty too, no plastic, no damage to the ground, the ocean is to be heard, perfect for you and Tom. He texted you to get ready, it was about 6, he bought everything he needed for it, put the ice cream in the cooler with ice in it.

“Alright, this one” hunter held up a dress, a small slit but it was a sweater dress, like for the fall or winter, it’s white with brown buttons that go down to the end of your stomach, the dress stops in the middle of your thighs. “Then wear some comfterble shoes please, we don’t want you to run your toes” zendaya said, pulling out some neon yellow huaraches. “That doesn’t match” hunter said, zendaya put the shoes back and pulled out some dark dark black ones.

You got dressed, comfterble for sure, zendaya flat ironed your hair while hunter did your makeup, “alright” zendaya and hunter admired their art, high giving each other before turning you to the mirror, “don’t worry it’s sweat resistant” hunter said, zendaya laughed as you rolled your eyes shaking your head. Then of course their was a knock on your door. “I’ll get it” zendaya said, you went to your room and grabbed your phone, noticing you have no pockets you held it. “Keep your hands off of my girlfriend, have fun though!” Zendaya said, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you came out and seen everyone smiling at you

“What happened?” You asked as everyone shook their head. “Nothing!” Hunter said smiling at you, Tom came up and gave you flowers, not roses but daises “you look lovely” he says, giving you a hug, chest to chest, pelvis to pelvis, not in a Percy way of course, just a very friendly and close hug. “Can you put these in a vase for me?” You say, handing the flowers to hunter as she only smiled and made her way to the kitchen. “Have fun, once again, we want her back by 10” “that’s only 4 hours zendaya” “we’ll make your way over there, it’s starting to become late” “alright mother, we’re out” you sarcastically say, leaving Tom laughing as he takes your hand and pulls you to his-

“El Camino!?” You said, practicly smiling a a child when they get ice cream. “Yep, I know how much you like old cars so why not get you one right?” He squeezed your hand. “Oh I could so kiss you right now!” “I wanna save it for later, let’s go” he smiled at you, he pulled you to your seat and opened the door for you, you sat down and he closed it, running to his side and getting in. “Your pretty fast” “shut up” he laughed and started the car, Kendrick Lamar playing in the background as you both rode in the city.

It was silent but comfterble, you slipped your phone in the cup holder, played footsie with yourself, and almost shook when he placed his hand on your thigh, you looked at him and he smiled at you “warm” he only said, paying attention to the road, rocking his hand back and forth.

“I love this, you gave me all the things I love tonight” you smiled. “You now at the birthday party I didn’t show that I liked you” he commented, laying in his stomach ontop of the very large blanket as you sat with your legs closed. “Yeah I don’t think you like me... I know if it’s weird and-“ “what no I like you! I do! I’m just stupid, like zendaya would say, so” you both giggled as he sat up and grabbed a grape vine, it has grapes on it by the way. “Lay down” he smiled, and you followed, laying down. “I’ve seen all the work you’ve done” he smiled, the radio in the band Toto playing, Africa currently playing. He leaned down the grape and feed it to you and you chuckled. “I really like how dedicated you are, how hard working you are, how nice you are, everything about you is beautiful” he complemented, the moon popping out for the ocean, the sounds of water slapping the rocks calming the both of you.

“Well thank you” you say, done with the grapes he fed you, he fed you some more. “I bought ice cream” “what kind?” “Uhmmmm, not vanilla, cookies and cream!” “Doesn’t that have vanilla in it?” You looked at him, he shrugged and put the grapes down and took the ice cream out of the freezer “I didn’t know you were such a 80s fan, what would you bring back?” He asked you. “Probably all the color, the music, I love mullets and shags I just love it all, how everything was in fashion, freedom and dumb teenagers and yelling old people, ya know?” “So your a very detailed person?” “Yeah, I don’t pay attention to the big picture that much if I’m being honest” ‘it never rains in Southern California, by tony’ playing, now the moon full on display, he grabbed two spoons and handed it to you, you both grabbed a scoop. “Let’s try something”

“Like what?” “Cross my arm with yours yeah?” You wrapped your arm around his, your spoon facing you “and 3” he said, taking the ice cream in his mouth as you followed, giggling “I like the flavor” you covered your mouth. “See! I knew what I was talking about, and doing!” He cheered, you both laid side by side and looked at the view, still eating the ice cream of course, until he put his lips on yours. “I really like you y/n, I hope-“ you put your lips on his, holding onto his cheek you smiled into it, he made his hand go down to hold onto your waist, the moon shining on both of you, he flipped both of you over so he was on top, you let out a quiet moan as he kissed your neck and slipped up you dress, taking off your panties, you trailed your hands down to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, rubbing over his torso, moaning as he found your sweet spot, kissing it and sucking harsh circles on your neck, he sat up and helped you take of his shirt, unbuckling his pants and taking off the belt to where ever.

He unbuttoned your dress, taking out your breasts and sucking on one of them, you whimpered as he twisted the other, your hands making it to his hair and tugging a bit making him hum in satisfaction. He switched nipples and looked up at you, you head was thrown back, breathing heavy and he opened your legs, you bucked your hips up allowed him to pull your dress up and over your head, he ditched his pants, well not really, there still around his ankles and both of your shoes are off, how? I don’t know. He came up and you leaned on your arm while the other was on his cheek, your lips hovering his, he muttered a ‘ready’ you nodded and he bottomed out in you, both moaning at the sensation, he kissed you and rocked his hips, you moaned as his hands found your waist, holding onto his bicep for support. Soft moans shared “y/n, fuck your so tight” he whispered in your neck and you whimpered, clawing his arm as he went harder, still slow though,

“Tommy, I’m gonna-“ you swallowed, bucking your hips up and arching your back, he rubbed your hips and held on tighter to them. He groaned and started going fast, high pitched moans leaving your lips as he stopped going hard, “cum for me” he let one hip go and rubbed your pearl slowly. “God- mm” you bit your lip trapping the moans, your head tilting back as he used it to suck more hickies on you, claiming you as you just took it all in, your head slowly starting coming up, leaving cries as your arm circled his around his arm, your back arching more, connecting chests as you said his name like a prayer while you came “fuck fuck fuck” he moaned, so close, your walls to warm to leave. “You on the pill?” He choked out. You repeated ‘mhm’ and just like that he came inside you, your name left his mouth as he rode out both of your highs, breathing heavy as a new song played ‘ask of you’ by Raphael, you both chuckled as he pressed his forehead on yours.

“Would you be my-“ “I think you know the answer Thomas, this is my 12 dream right here” you giggled. He pulled out and rolled over next to you, taking his arm and wrapping it around your shoulders, pulling you into his chest “your moans are adorable, we have to have sex more often” you only laughed at him, coming up to kiss his neck on his sweet spot, his jawline under his ear, sucking hickies on his neck as he looked at the water that the moon is glistening on. You both cleaned up with his baby wipes and covered yourselves with the extra blanket he had, he poured you both a glass on wine too, just taking each other in and the perfect view.

On the other side zendaya and hunter were high giving each other, FaceTiming Harry and saying “we got em!” He smiled and cheered, lifting his beer with Harrison and taking a sip. They set it all up, how? Who knows.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x black!reader #tom holland #tom holland fanfic #zendaya #tom holland fic #tom holland imagine #tom holland au #jb writes

[drummergirl231-2]

Happy Autism Awareness/Acceptance Day 2020!

To me, true awareness and acceptance go hand-in-hand. I still don’t mind the word “awareness,” since most people, even people who think they’re spreading Autism awareness, aren’t totally aware of what it is or what it’s like. But I also love calling it Autism Acceptance Day, because that’s what we need more than anything. 

To spread some awareness, I’d like to address some misconceptions about Autism and share some other thoughts I wish people knew/understood.

1. Autists/Aspies do not lack empathy. 

I found this thing and it explains it super well so I’ll just leave it here:

Imagine a scenario where you say something totally innocent and it triggers the person you’re talking to. They start flying off the handle at you and you don’t know why. But because they’re angry, you are, too. But since you don’t know why they’re angry, you don’t know why you’re angry, either. It’s crazy overwhelming and confusing. And you want to fix whatever you did because you don’t want this other person to be angry or hurt, but you don’t know how, because their all-consuming rage makes it really hard to think and try to put yourself in their shoes. Also, you’re scared on top of it all.

That’s what having high affective and compassionate empathy and low cognitive empathy is like. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that we care too much, and all the super specific nuances of socializing are things we have to learn one at a time, through either our mistakes or others’ mistakes. These things don’t come naturally to us, but it’s not like we can’t learn. If I were to compare math to socializing, it’s like you all have calculators or other doohickeys to do all the math for you and we just have paper and a pencil... and no eraser. 

2. Autism is not a mental illness to be “cured.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ALL FOR people finding ways to help us be able to deal with the world better, whether that’s a better diet, items to block out sensory stimuli or items that stimulate, or counselling that can help us navigate social situations and talk through anxiety and/or depression. But those things don’t “cure,” us because Autism isn’t a disease or something wrong with us. Autism gives us different challenges, sure, but neutotypicals have their own challenges. 

The symptoms typically associated with “low-functioning,” Autism don’t necessarily have to be a part of Autism. Many non-verbal kids grow up to be verbal. That doesn’t mean they stopped being autistic. There was a celebrity mom years ago who claimed to “cure” her son’s Autism with a gluten-free dairy-free diet. He’d been so trapped in his head, he couldn’t engage with the world around him. She altered his diet and one day he laughed at Spongebob, and that was a turning point. He became able to interact with people and react to things on TV. It was a huge breakthrough. But he was still autistic. If you were to have plopped me down on a rug as a toddler next to a toddler like this celebrity’s son before his altered diet, you wouldn’t think I was autistic at all by comparison. But I was, and I am.

Autism is a different neurological blueprint, and yes, brain-healthy diets and detoxes can do wonders for us because it seems like our brain type does make us more susceptible to negative effects from neurotoxins. But if you think someone has lost their Autism just because “the bad parts,” went away... no. That’s not how it works.

3. Not everyone is “a little autistic.” 

When I was newly diagnosed and trying to process it, someone told me something along the lines of, there there, we’re all a little autistic. But that’s not true. There are a lot of traits associated with this brain type, and yes, a neurotypical person can have a few of them. That doesn’t make them a little autistic. To be considered autistic at all, you’d have to have a large number of quirks plus social delays (not associated with excessive technology use), odd or repetitive behaviors, unusual and intense interests, communication struggles, and unusual sensory processing. Suppose you’re white. If you are white, this should be easy to imagine. Say an African American just told you about some of the challenges they’ve faced, whether it’s race-based bullying in school or racial profiling later on. Would it be appropriate to say, “There there, we’re all a little black?” NO. One, it’s false. Two, while all people struggle with stuff because to be human is to struggle sometimes, the struggles of different groups of people are totally different, and you can’t say you know exactly what it’s like or pretend everyone’s the same. We all have equal dignity and worth, but beyond that, everyone’s different. Don’t pretend differences don’t exist. Just value them.

4. Autism doesn’t have a “look.”

When I tell people I’m autistic, this is usually what I hear: “Wow! I wouldn’t have guessed! You don’t look autistic.”  ...What does that even mean??? Is it supposed to be a compliment? Because if it’s a compliment I “don’t look autistic,” then that’s kind of an insult to other autistic people. Or do they mean it like, “I don’t believe you’re really autistic because I have a preconceived idea of what an autistic person looks like and you don’t fit the bill so I’m not going to give you grace if you act weird?” I don’t know. Y’all say weird things too, sometimes, ya know? But Autism doesn’t have a look. There is a sort of distant intensity in our gaze sometimes... and I can legit see it when Jim Parsons plays Sheldon Cooper, but when I see an interview with him as himself, it’s gone. It’s not a fixed feature of our faces, and a talented NT could totally put it on.

5. Autism presents itself differently in boys and girls.

You know how not a lot of people know the symptoms of heart attacks in women because mainly people only talk about what a heart attack is like for men? It’s kinda like that with Autism, too. Typically when you hear about Autism, you’re hearing about the signs and symptoms in boys. Even most pediatricians only know to look for the way it presents in boys, which is how so many girls don’t get a diagnosis until later in life, if ever.  One difference is that, for whatever reason, girls tend to be better at nonverbal communication and taking hints. We’re mimics. Chameleons. We take on the mannerisms of those around us and who we see on TV as we force ourselves to adapt. Verbal boys might speak at unusual volumes or with an unusual voice, rhythm, or cadence, but verbal girls learn to mimic the speech patterns of others. Our special interests/obsessions aren’t typically seen as strange given our age and sex. For example, a six-year-old autistic boy might be fascinated by WWII. I was interested in fetal development. People thought, “What’s so weird about that? She’s a little girl who loves babies.” We often play with Barbies or other dolls long after our peers have stopped. It helps autistic girls process social situations. When I was shamed out of liking Barbies, I started writing stories in notebooks or in my head. Autistic boys usually struggle with social communication from an early age, but autistic girls usually don’t have any major communication struggles until adolescence, when relationships, platonic or romantic, get way more complicated.  Since little autistic girls can mimic their neurotypical peers, and since some doctors only know how to look for Autism in boys, we tend to fly under the radar, causing that huge gender gap in diagnoses.

6. Mental illness is common with Autism, but NOT part of it.

I read an article by an autist in the UK who struggles to get help for his anxiety or depression because therapists have brushed him off, saying “Well, that’s just part of being Autistic, so it can’t be helped.” NO! Just like neurotypicals can be mentally healthy or unhealthy, Autistic people can be mentally healthy or unhealthy. Just because something is common for us doesn’t mean it’s how it’s supposed to be, or that it’ll always be that way, or that it’s part of who we are and we need to embrace it. People with mental illnesses should be embraced (literally or figuratively, depending on what they’re comfortable with). Mental illnesses should not be embraced. Ever. Because autistic kids and adults often face abuse, bullying, discrimination, and are ostracized, anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression are common for us. In more serious cases, especially in autistic teens and young adults, dissociative disorders can develop. What’s worse, it doesn’t take much looking to find the dark corners of the internet where people, autistic or not, are encouraged to embrace their developing dissociative thoughts and feelings. I once saw an interview with someone who found healing from a dissociative disorder, and she gets emails every day from others with the same disorder she had who regret some of the things they were talked into doing while living with the condition and  who want to find the healing she did. She said many of them are autistic and under the age of twenty-five. Autistic people with mental illnesses shouldn’t be talked into believing their mental illnesses are a part of them, or not mental illnesses at all, or something to celebrate and cling to. I reject the notion we should have to settle for being ill in any way. We deserve to be as healthy and whole as anyone else, and it makes me sick there are so many internet predators preying on us in this way, and that there are therapists who think Autism and mental illness has to be a packaged deal.

7. If LGBT people were treated the way autistic people are by the media, it’d lead to outrage. But it seems like no one is outraged on our behalf.

We’ve seen the news stories, haven’t we? A couple invites the news over to their house, upsetting their autistic child who then has a meltdown, the meltdown is filmed and aired, and the parents are just like, “This is what our life is like because of Autism. And it sucks. Pity us.”

There was one video I saw... I’m just so enraged by it, even after two years. A mother was praised for her open honesty as she vilified her autistic son and complained about how he ruined her life and how hard it is to go out and have people stare. I’m sorry, hard for WHO??? I don’t even want to go into the details. I know only sharing this much doesn’t make it sound like that bad of a video, it’s just... ugh. Guys. It’d be a whole separate post. I can’t deal with it right now. 

If parents went on the news after their kid came out to them as gay, and wept and begged for pity and said some of the things this woman said of her autistic son (wondering what she did wrong that made her deserve this or that led to this or saying she doesn’t believe in God but finds herself praying anyway that God’ll “fix him”), America would call them the worst parents ever. But parents of autistic kids who do this are praised for their openness and vulnerability as they publicly shame their child.

Another time, after a mass shooting carried out by a teenage boy, the news reported that he was autistic and that might have contributed to the attack (there they go, combining mental illness with Autism as one and the same again).

If a pedophile were arrested, and they said on the news, “And we just got word that he’s gay, so that may be why,” there’d be a riot. But the news can pin autists as mass murderers and no one bats an eye!

All of May last year working at a clothing store, I watched as various departments filled up with pride t-shirts to get ready for June, and I couldn’t help but think,

Where were the Autism acceptance t-shirts in March to get ready for April?

I probably shouldn’t be so surprised with the media painting us as life-ruiners and life-enders. 

I know it’s a vile and disgusting thing for me to be jealous of LGBT people in this way, especially since they have their own struggles, too. I just wish society had our backs and celebrated us instead of wanting us “fixed,” for their own convenience, ya know?

8. Almost all of us hate Autism Speaks, and those who don’t are probably just new. XD

I used to be all “Light it up blue!” as well (even though that seemed weird to me, given blue lights might be overwhelming to some people on the spectrum). But then I read something on their site that made me feel really betrayed, and down the line, I learned most autistic people hate them... some because they saw them say the opposite of what I saw they said. Basically we all have different opinions but Autism Speaks spouts whatever information their donors want them to (sellouts), and that donated money doesn’t go towards helping us, but toward more fundraising or research on how to prevent people with our brain type. I guess they’re not fond of the artistic and scientific advancements we bring to the table. They should change those puzzle pieces from blue or multi-colored to white with black specks because they want a world that’s vanilla. 

9. Some of us still like the puzzle pieces, even if we hate Autism Speaks.

I’ve talked about this in a fanfic, but I’d love it if we could redeem the puzzle pieces, because they’re still a good analogy if you assign a different meaning. Autists and NTs are puzzling to each other, no sense denying that, but the more time we spend together, the more we start to understand each other. Also, Autism does have a lot of pieces, and figuring out I was autistic was like solving the puzzle of my life. The missing pieces came together and things became clearer and made more sense. Also also, some autistic people are really good at puzzles. And then there are autists like me who aren’t necessarily good at puzzles, but get totally absorbed in working on them anyway (my parents have been doing some puzzles during the quarantine lol they’re traps! TRAPS I SAY!!!).

Nevertheless, I understand why other autistis don’t like the puzzle pieces and prefer the rainbow infinity symbol, and I quite like it, too. It’s very pretty, and the way the colors fade together is a nice symbol of how it’s a spectrum.

It’s a sign of the infinite possibilities in our lives when we’re empowered, because we can do and have done good and great things in the world.

#autism acceptance day #autism awareness day #autism #asperger's syndrome #self-advocacy #I'm like hecka impressed if you read all this

[lochrannn]

AU_gust: Let me play among the stars

Read on AO3

Prompt no 17: Wings

Relationships: Lila Pitts & Allison Hargreeves, minor Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves

Characters: Lila Pitts, Allison Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves

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AN: So, you may have noticed that David Castañeda can’t wink and I’ve checked, canonically neither can Diego, so this comes up.

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It’s half eleven in the morning at the Schiphol Hilton hotel bar and the staff have apparently taken pity on Lila and Allison and have not queried why they decided to drink Scotch before midday.

Lila took on her very first flight as first officer to Captain Allison Chestnut only about eleven hours ago and yet she feels like it has been a life altering experience. Or at the very least, after hundreds of hours of flight training, this trip has been the weirdest thing that has ever happened to her and in hindsight she thinks she was desperately ill prepared to contend with either members of the public or the fucking airline crew itself.

 Roughly 11 hours earlier

“Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Allison Chestnut, I’ll be your captain for our overnight flight. With us today is First Officer Lila Pitts. We’re expecting clear skies ahead and with some tail winds we are hoping to arrive in Amsterdam about thirty minutes ahead of schedule. Once we’ve fully ascended, our cruising altitude will be approximately thirty five thousand feet. I wish you a very pleasant flight on board our plane and now I’d ask you to pay close attention to our cabin crew, headed up by chief flight attendant, Klaus Hargreeves, for the safety announcement.”

Allison clicks off the com and turns down the volume of the cabin announcement, and Lila can just about make out the cheerful voice of Klaus, who she only met while they were doing the final checks of the aircraft but took an instant liking to.

Lila is extremely nervous and doing everything in her power not to show that she’s intimidated by the fact that her first flight in a position of actual authority is with one of the most senior captains in the airline.

Even the relief crew seem significantly more experienced than Lila herself. At least that’s her impression with how Allison greeted the relief first officer, Vanya Cooper. The other pilot completely slipped by her, but Lila could have sworn she heard Vanya and Allison refer to him as Five. Must be some kind of nickname.

Despite her rank, Allison spends a lot of time chatting to Lila, as they don’t have that much going on once they are cruising. The other pilot tells Lila about her kid, her husband, who is apparently a professor, about her recent trips, and how much she loves the job.

She asks Lila how she came by her accent and they talk about how Lila ended up working for an American airline after effectively fleeing the UK and from a bad break-up.

Eventually Lila decides to ask about the thing that surprised her the first time she read the flight roster. “So, do you often fly with a crew where so many of the pilots are women compared to an all male cabin crew?”

“Huh, I hadn’t even thought about that,” Allison muses, then goes on, “It’s a hell of a combination of stewards, though, some of the nuttiest people working for this airline, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them all fly together. I’m sure it’s absolute mayhem back there.”

“How d’you mean?” Lila asks.

“Well, there’s Klaus, who is very good at his job, but an awful flirt and, well, he’s garnered a bit of a reputation. Then there’s Luther. Genuinely lovely guy, everybody loves working with him, but he’s just really not very good with passengers. Diego’s the complete opposite. Passengers love him, he makes a new best friend on every flight. Most people who work with him, though, think he’s kind of an asshole. Except maybe for Klaus and Ben, they seem to get on with him. Ben is actually the only one out there who I’d say is unquestionably competent, very snarky, but charming nevertheless. I’ve not flown much with Elliott, so can’t tell you much about him and I’ve never met the other guy. Axel was it?”

Lila checks the roster, nods and says, “Yupp.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll get plenty of opportunities to make up your own mind about these guys. I will say this though, I’ve seen them all in bigger and smaller crisis situations and they really do all step up then.”

Lila is grateful for the amount of information Allison is willing to share with her. She wonders if this is considered gossipy or if it’s just a necessary exchange of intel with a coworker. Either way, she thinks it’s really useful.

About three quarters into their flight time, Allison and Lila are relieved by Vanya and “Five” and when they step into the cabin the light is already dimmed in an attempt to get the passengers to settle down in a hope that they will sleep.

Just after herself and Allison get comfortable in their seats Klaus turns up in the aisle and says in a low voice to Allison, “Uh, skip, it seems we have a bit of a situation in coach and we were wondering if maybe someone with a bit more authority is just the thing we need to nip this in the bud.”

Allison pulls her sleep mask off her eyes, turns to glare at Klaus and then turns to Lila with a glint in her eyes that definitely juxtaposes the pleasant smile she directs at her and says, “Oh, I think this would be a great learning experience for our new first officer, don’t you think, Klaus?”

“Sure,” Lila says with all the confidence she doesn’t feel, gets up out of her seat and follows Klaus into the back section of the plane.

 Back at the hotel bar

“So, was this one of the weirder things to happen on a flight, or would you consider shit like this to be normal?” Lila asks Allison in a congenial tone.

“I’ve definitely seen shit that was way more crazy than this,” a far more gruff voice than she expected, answers Lila’s question, before Diego sits down on the barstool next to her.

Lila looks over at him and he does a thing with his eyes…. if she had to describe it she’d say he’d blinked at her with... intent… is that supposed to be a wink? Lila’s almost embarrassed for him, but somehow he pulls it off. If he was any less handsome, he most definitely wouldn’t have, so Lila decides simply not to dignify that nonsense with a response.

Instead she turns around to Klaus, who’s just sat down on Allison’s other side, is pushing his hair back dramatically and drawls, “Oh Schätzchen, you’ve not seen weird until you start dealing with dead bodies at forty thousand feet above sea level.”

Lila snorts into the drink she’s just brought to her lips.

 About 6 hours earlier

On their short walk Klaus gives her the cliffnotes of the issue. “This weirdo English guy keeps demanding to go into the hold because he has some apparently precious cargo to check on and we’ve been trying to keep him calm, but he’s starting to wake up the passengers around him. Diego’s talking to him now, but I don’t think they’re getting on very well.”

Up ahead Lila sees a man about Klaus’s height, with dark hair and a tight fade, leaning into one of the rows of seats and it seems like he’s talking to one of the passengers intently.

She probably shouldn’t, seeing as their coworkers, but she does notice right away that he fills his uniform out very nicely and that he’s clearly got some deliberate designer stubble going on to enhance the sharp cut of his jaw.

But Lila pulls her thoughts back to the situation at hand and the fact that she probably has never had a situation where she needed to be as professional as now.

“I don’t know what to tell you, man… Even if you have the queen of England in a crate down in the hold, we just can’t let you go down there mid flight!” the steward, who Lila assumes must be Diego, explains to a man with grey hair, a tidy Van Dyke mustache, and… Christ, how pretentious can one guy be? … a monocle, sitting in the seat by the window.

She takes a deep breath and walks up to the commotion.

“What seems to be the problem here, gentlemen?” Lila asks as calmly as possible.

Diego opens his mouth, presumably to explain what’s going on, but he’s interrupted by monocle guy, who says in a clipped accent that reminds Lila uncomfortably of one of her old headmasters, “Ah, finally someone with some seniority. I am entirely exhausted trying to explain to this imbecile that I have important scientific business to take care of in the hull of this aeroplane. Young lady, would you do me the favour of providing me with access to my work?”

Lila ignores the scowl that comes across Diego’s face and instead says, again calmly, though she’s quickly understanding why the stewards have reached the end of their patience, “First officer Pitts, please.”

“Apologies, madame!” the pushy passenger shoots back, and Lila is annoyed by his lack of sincere contrition, but at least Diego sniggered next to her as she pulled rank, so that’s something.

“I am really sorry, Sir, we just cannot let you go down there, but may I ask what’s so important, you’d risk decompression in the cabin, endangering all of your fellow passengers?” Lila uses her poshest voice, hoping that she’ll appeal to this guy that way, and she really hopes she’s not veered into parody. At least her fellow stewards wouldn’t be able to tell.

“Says he’s got a sedated monkey in a crate,” Diego drawls before the passenger can answer and earns himself a withering stare by the grey-haired man.

“It’s a chimpanzee, you nimrod!” monocle guy spits at him and Lila ignores the way Klaus’s hand lands on Diego’s shoulder as he twitches forward.

Instead she addresses the passenger again, “I’m sure all the necessary precautions were taken to keep your chimpanzee comfortable and safe on this flight and I have to urge you to calm down. There is absolutely no way we can allow for you to go into the hold and I must point out that you’re beginning to upset the other passenger.”

“This is ridiculous!” the man exclaims and then completely surprises Lila by getting up abruptly, pushing past her and Klaus and making his way swiftly along the aisle towards the front of the plane.

That’s when things go bananas, because before either herself or Klaus can respond, Diego has launched himself past them and after the monocle guy, rugby tackles him to the ground, and to Lila’s complete horror, a huge, blond man in a steward’s uniform appears at the other end of the aisle to help Diego wrestle the unruly passenger into the middle section of the plane, where they swiftly draw the curtains so the passengers near them, who’ve been roused by the commotion, can’t see what’s going on.

 After two more rounds at the Schiphol Hilton hotel bar

“... so we had to get the fire crew to bring on a wheelchair so we could weekend-at-bernie’s that mofo and get his corpse off the plane before the other passengers even found out that anyone had died.” Klaus finishes his tale.

“Jesus,” Lila breathes. Allison just shrugs her shoulders.

“Right, Tom Bradey over there and I have to get going. You see, Lila, cabin crew don’t get the same amount of rest time during turnaround as the VIP do. That’s what I call the Very Important Pilots, ya know,” Klaus says and winks at her, then gives Allison a quick hug before he walks away.

The two women turn to Diego and he suddenly hesitates. Then he says, “See you around, I guess,” and taps the bar top with his fingers before he also heads away.

“Huh,” Allison says, a bit bemused, but then Lila notices that Diego wasn’t tapping just the surface of the bar but had actually shoved his cocktail napkin towards her. She picks it up and realises that he’s scribbled something on it. It reads ‘come say hi’ and then what she presumes must be a room number underneath.

“I thought you said Klaus was the one with the reputation,” Lila says, her mouth’s gone a bit dry as she turns around to Allison to show her the napkin.

“Huh! Never thought that grumpy asshole had it in him.” Allison intones almost more to herself. “You must have really impressed him,” she says to Lila then, with a bit of a laugh in her voice.

“Mmmh, but I mean, obviously I can’t go up there... right?” Lila says hesitantly, not quite sure she knows how she wants Allison to respond.

“I mean, obviously I’m a married woman, so maybe I’m the wrong person to ask, but I can only tell you it happens all the time, so I’d say go for it,” Allison offers with a shrug.

“Nah, I really shouldn’t, but I do think I'll also head to bed now. It was really nice flying with you Allison, even if things got a bit weird.” Lila says to Allison with a smile and a wave.

“Yeah, was great flying with you, too. I’m sure we’ll have many more opportunities to do so!” Allison responds as Lila starts walking away.

Then Lila stops, pivots on her heels, picks up the napkin and then whines a “shut uuuup!” at Allison when the other woman bursts out laughing.

#otp: just be gentle #lila pitts #diego hargreeves #dielila #diego x lila #diego/lila #tua #the umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #david castañeda #lochrannn lxd au challenge