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noteguk · 3 years

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for science | jhs | m

— summary; in which Hoseok hears through the grapevine that you give one of the best blowjobs ever, and he needs to test it to be sure.

— contents and warnings; blowjob (duh), dirty talk, praising and stupid pet names, cum eating, deepthroating (the oc has no gag reflex), Hoseok finds heaven, kind of crack? Idk don’t take this seriously, college!au, hoseok x reader (with a mention of past Jimin x reader), studying sessions being interrupted in the name of science

— words; 5,1k

Requested by anon!

Hoseok could be kind of clueless when it came to some science-related things (and his high school biology teacher could attest to that), but one thing he knew very well was the scientific method. All that hypothesis-testing-stuff, or whatever the hell that was (okay, maybe he didn’t know it that well) had taken him out of some trouble in the past. It helped him see some of his decisions in a more experimental light, avoiding the terrible Olympic-somersault-into-conclusions that had gotten so many of his friends into awkward situations. And it shouldn’t even be said that he took quite a bit of pride in that — it made him feel very intelligent and he would take any stroke to the ego that he could get.

So, when Jimin got a bit too tipsy and started babbling on about how you gave him the best blowjob of his life, Hoseok was, at the very least, cautiously skeptical.

“You’re such a drama queen.” Hoseok rolled his eyes before chugging down a bit more of his beer. He was nowhere near as intoxicated as Jimin was, and he wasn’t planning on changing that. It was a Wednesday night, for fuck’s sake. He had to leave some thrill to the end of the week. “It probably was like… alright. Good, even. But the best one ever? Please.”

“It was so much more than alright, dude.” Jimin threw his head over the couch’s back, looking like he just got washed up on the shore. His hair was a mess of clear strands, exploding on his head like a failed science fair experiment. “It was the best suck of my liiiiife. I wish she didn’t hate me so I could have that again.”

He scoffed. Hoseok had enough filter left in him to avoid telling Jimin that the reason why you hated him was entirely his fault — what did he expect from three weeks of ghosting? Besides, if the head was that good, he would surely stick around for just a bit longer than two months. “Sure. Like the time that you almost died riding a roller coaster.”

“Hey. I almost did.” Jimin’s eyes opened, presenting his friend with a dazed-out, unfocused brand of frustration. He was getting tired of not being taken seriously — didn’t Hosoek know that alcohol makes you more honest? He wasn’t making things up. Not when they were as serious as the well-being of his dick, or actual death. “It was some Final Destination bullshit, I’m telling you. Pieces of metal flying and everything.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved it off, leaning closer to Jimin so he could take the almost-empty can of beer from his clumsy hands, and placed it on the center table. “I think you’ve had enough alcohol for tonight, man. You have a class at ten tomorrow.”

“I’m serious, dude,” Jimin pressed on. It was past eleven and Hoseok only wanted to sleep, but the other boy was clearly clueless about the lack of mutual interest in that conversation. “Aren’t you two friends or something?”

“Kind of. It’s weird,” Hoseok answered. You two had lingered in a hazy friendship space for a long time now, and he didn’t know exactly how to explain your relationship. He didn’t really consider you two close by any means, but you weren’t strangers or casual friends either. To be honest, he hadn’t thought too much about it until that very moment. “Why? What does that have to do with anything?”

Jimin sighed, fumbling against the sofa. Much to Hoseok’s delight, he was starting to get sleepy as well. “You could ask her to suck you off,” he mumbled, “then you can feel it for yourself.”

He laughed at that, unable to believe what he was hearing. “Jimin, you’re out of your mind if you think that’s not gonna backfire.”

He blinked heavily. “Hm? Why?”

Hoseok blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “We aren’t that close, and we haven’t done anything remotely sexual before this. It would be super creepy.”

“That’s not true,” Jimin spoke lazily, as if the words were starting to get hard to find. There was a pause so long after his sentence that Hoseok thought his roommate had fallen asleep. “I know you guys made out like at the beginning of the semester. Taehyung told me so.”

He was going to murder Taehyung. “It wasn’t like that. We were both drunk and it was super awkward afterwards.” Hoseok got up from the couch, leaving Jimin to groan and spread out his legs over the cushions. “Listen, I’m glad you two had fun, and I’m sorry you ruined it. But I’m not gonna ask ____ to suck me off just so I can know if you’re being dramatic or not.”

Jimin smirked wickedly — or at least tried to, because his lack of facial control wasn’t doing him any favors. “Whatever you say,” he teased, “but I think you’re curious.”

Truth was: Hoseok was beyond curious. The cogs in his head had started to move, and his brain was evoking lewd images of you so fast that he could barely follow. He would be pretending if he said that he never saw you under that light before, but, after the mess that was your makeout session, he had forced himself to jump into the friendzone before he managed to make things worse.

Hoseok liked you very much, even if you two weren’t particularly close. He enjoyed spending time with you, he found you funny, smart, and way out of his league. But he wasn’t delusional enough to believe that you would actually say yes to sucking him off, especially so out of the blue.

“I’m not curious,” Hoseok lied through his teeth, and he wanted to change the subject so much that his head was starting to hurt. “You’re gonna sleep here?”

“Hm… yes… the couch is very comfortable.” Jimin closed his eyes and adjusted his body on the furniture. His baggy shirt was already halfway through his stomach and his pants had ran up to his waist, but the man didn’t seem to notice. “You don’t know what you’re missing out on.”

Hoseok rolled his eyes, moving towards the door. He needed to get Jimin some blankets, because the other was surely not getting up for the rest of the night. It was bad enough to babysit him for those few hours of intoxication, but infinitely worse to make him chicken soup if he got sick. Been there, done that. “I’m sure the couch is great.”

Jimin’s voice was soft and sleepy when he spoke up again. Hoseok was already in the corridor, and he almost didn’t hear him when he said, “I’m not talking about the couch.”

Hoseok went to Jimin’s bedroom and grabbed his pillow and the blanket from his undone bed. Meanwhile, scenarios ran wild inside his head, having you as the main star. He didn’t know what was taking over him, but he wasn’t so quick to ignore Jimin’s story. Hoseok was faced with a fantastic scenario of a perfect blowjob, and the idea that it was so close to him was making his pulse quicken. Again: it would be absurd to ask you to do that, regardless of the motive behind it, and he knew that it would be awful for your already-strange friendship.

No, he could never do that. He would not.

But like… what if it worked, and you magically accepted his request? And what if, by some wonderful moment, some millennial alignment of planets, Jimin wasn’t actually being hyperbolic and you actually had the ability to give incredible blowjobs? Could he really let it pass without giving it a shot?

He could see it as a scientific experiment, Hoseok thought, as a way to prove a hypothesis. It couldn’t hurt if he just—

Oh my god, dude, shut the fuck up and forget about this.

Coming back to his senses, Hoseok strutted out of his roommate's bedroom and walked toward the living room. By the time he came back with the blanket and the pillow, Jimin was already deep asleep.

Against his best efforts, that conversation remained stuck to the back of his mind for the next two weeks. Hoseok would find himself going back and forth on the idea of you having some strange, Marvel-worthy superpower when it came to sucking dick and, worst of all, the idea that his skepticism was making him miss out on it. Jimin was exaggerated when it came to, well, pretty much everything, but that didn’t mean that he would be wrong about that specific subject. That would be a logical fallacy, and that was also something that Hoseok knew very well. Bless his late nights on Reddit for that.

Yet as the days moved along, and his curiosity was slowly turning into desire, he was forced to revisit the infamous night between the two of you, the one that Jimin had so mercilessly mentioned. Thinking back on it, it wasn’t surprising that your overconsumption of alcohol, added to the way that you two had grown close (both physically and mentally) had ended up with Hoseok laying on top of you, kissing the soul out of you and fondling your breasts in the middle of a party. It wasn’t the most dignified moment of either of your lives, but, well, it happened.

One way or another, the night didn’t move forward. Even if Hoseok already had a tent in his pants, you two were far too intoxicated to consent, and were quick to fall asleep before the situation could escalate. Bottom line: Hoseok woke up with your tit in his hand, a nightmarish hangover, and the decision that the You-Subject would have to stay on hold for some time.

And on hold it stayed. For an entire semester. And it would’ve remained that way if Jimin’s stupid mouth hadn’t started talking.

So after two weeks of self-inflicted psychological torture, Hoseok slipped a hangout invitation amidst your texts. If you saw any second intentions behind his “haven’t seen you in awhile, wanna hangout? ;)” you didn’t let it show. The problem was that you weren’t really in the mood to go out, especially since you had a big exam coming up, so Hoseok ended up convincing you that he would stay quiet if you let him go over to your place.

It was a bit harder not to notice the desperation in his proposal that time, but you ended up agreeing. Your thought process was that the boy would eventually realize that his hangout attempt was ridiculous and that he would leave you to study by yourself, and the two of you would reschedule that odd friendship session to when you weren’t drowning in textbooks.

The problem was that you had been stupid enough to believe that your friend would actually keep his mouth shut.

Hoseok was seated on the edge of your bed for so long that he was sure that his asscheeks were permanently imprinted on your sheets. Because he hated himself, he kept eyeing the digital clock to your right, and he was certain that he had spent the last fifty two minutes and thirty three seconds staring at the back of your head and trying to come up with a casual way to ask for a blowjob.

He had tried a few times already, and each one constituted of him being unable to finish his sentence, instead looking at you like BooBoo The Fool until you turned back around to face your disorganized desk, sighing and trying to concentrate on your work.

All things considered, he couldn’t actually believe he had escalated Jimin’s sailor tale to that point. He was out of his mind, that was a fact, and he had absolutely no clue how you would react once he (if he) found the words to ask you to sacrifice your mouth for science.

God, he was an idiot.

He cleared his throat and got ready to try one more time. “So… I…”

You sighed heavily and turned around on the chair. “Hobi, this is the fifth time you’re starting a sentence and not finishing it,” you said, annoyed. “Can you tell me what the problem is? I have a test in two days and you promised you wouldn’t interrupt me if you came over.”

“I’m sorry,” he didn’t like feeling like a kid being scolded, even if he kind of deserved that. Hoseok guessed it would be better to just take off the band-aid before he made an even bigger fool out of himself. “Let me just, like, explain the context of this. Otherwise it’s going to be even more strange.”

Dropping your pen, you fully swirled the chair around, crossing your hands over your legs. He wasn’t expecting your complete attention anytime soon, and the seriousness in your stare made his courage falter for a second. It was such a stupid idea, you’d just end up hating him like you did Jimin. “As long as you make it quick,” you told him.

Hoseok hesitated, running one hand through his hair. “Yeah, okay, so… like, a few weeks ago I was talking to Jimin,” he started, watching your face for any signal of an expression — confusion, disgust, anything. But he found nothing. “We were drunk, and he started talking about the time that you two were together. Like, sexually.”

You blinked, unfazed. “And?”

“And… he told me that you give, like, the best blowjobs in history,” the words left his mouth before he could fully digest them. This time, he got a reaction out of you — a light raise of your eyebrows. “And, no offense, but I didn’t believe him. You know how extra he is about some stuff. Most stuff.”

There was a moment of silence as you waited for him to go on, but Hoseok was too busy swallowing his thoughts down and feeling like he would collapse at any given moment. You sighed. “So what? You wanted to tell me that you don’t believe in my blowjob abilities? That’s all? Can I go back to studying now?”

“No, that’s…” Now, things were starting to get complicated. Just take off the band-aid, Hoseok, don’t chicken out now. “I wanted to know if you could show me. Like, if you could suck me off. So I could... confirm that hypothesis.”

Every part of his brain was suddently hyperaware of how fucking stupid he just sounded. He had expected that another thick silence would follow, but his heart almost leaped out of your chest when you started laughing at him — like, full-chest, eyes closing, head rolling back laughing. “Are you serious?” You asked, taking one hand to cover your mouth before, at last, bursting out again. He felt like his ego was being stabbed with a rusty nail. “I can’t believe you, Hoseok. Took you all this time just to ask me if I could suck you off? For science?”

His mouth felt like it was full of cotton and he had to clear his throat before he found the force to answer you. “Yeah, I mean, only if you’re comfortable with it, of course,” he struggled to say, each word morphing into the next. His stomach had frozen up and the flight or fight response was starting to kick in. Had he really been that much of an idiot? When did his cock start dictating his words? “I… I know this is like, super creepy. I’m sorry. We can forget this ever happened and I’ll never talk to you again. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

Suddenly sad, he waited as you settled back on the chair, wiping a small tear from the corner of your eye before you stared at him. There was still a smirk crawling up your lips, and he felt like the world was collapsing all around him as the silence expanded around the two of you. He looked at the digital clock: it had taken him precisely three minutes to ruin everything.

He sighed, shoulders falling. “Do you hate me? Why are you so quiet?”

You bit down on your lip, your eyes narrowing as you took his form in. Hoseok was hot: point blank. He was also nice, and respectful enough to realize that he might have overstepped a few lines with his request — and, even if you couldn’t really understand it, you also weren’t bothered by it. And you certainly didn’t hate him. In a way, you were almost flattered. You would’ve been more if the comment had come from anyone else but your Danny Phantom ex. But that was a different story.

The entire situation was just too funny to let it go. And, besides, you really wouldn’t mind sucking Hoseok off. It wasn’t as if you had never thought about that before.

“I’m... considering it,” you told him, watching as his face lit up in a mixture of confusion and joy. He looked like a kid seeing Santa for the first time. “If you promise to shut up and let me study, I’ll do it. And if you agree to never talk about it again.”

Hoseok blinked profusely, his mind short circuiting. “For real?”

“Yeah.” You raised from your chair, walking closer to your bed. Hoseok swallowed hard and leaned back, placing his hands on the mattress for support. “But do me a favor: if it’s not that good, don’t tell me. It’ll hurt me.”

“Yeah, alright.” He swallowed dry, every neuron in his brain trying to grasp what the fuck had just happened. His mind was the Spongebob office being set on fire, and he suddenly didn’t know how to deal with the anticipation booming in his chest. “I’m... not hard yet, though.”

“It’s okay.” You kneeled in front of him, placing your hands on his inner thighs and slightly pushing them apart. Hoseok quickly got the cue, and opened a bit more so you could comfortably place yourself between them. “Just... relax,” your voice was almost a whisper then, and he felt his soul trying to leave him. That was insane. “Let me take care of you.”

Your words managed to make him relax a bit, then he tensed all the way back at the feeling of your hands fumbling with his button. His breath hitched as you pulled the zipper down, fingers hooking on the edge of his pants before tugging them down his thighs.

He felt exposed as his pants fell like a puddle around his ankles, his tongue coming out to wet his lips as you leaned in. Hosoek felt like he was dreaming when you started nibbling at his skin, kissing and licking his inner thighs as you slowly made your way closer to his aching member.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” he barely got out before sighing, the tingles of your caresses on his skin shooting directly towards his cock, already semi-hard.

You flicked your eyes up at him, humming against his thigh muscles. You were now so dangerously close to his underwear that he thought he would lose consciousness. “Were you daydreaming about it or something?” You teased.

Maybe in a different position, he would’ve lied about it. But the truth came out before he could hold it back. “Ever since Jimin told me that, yeah,” he said.

“Hmm… hope I live up to the expectation, then,” you purred, looking up at him with those doll-like eyes. Hoseok suddenly felt like he was losing his balance, his entire body burning in desire and expectancy. You looked like another one of his horny daydreams, but you were kneeling right there, in arms reach, and he didn’t know how he would deal with what was about to ensue.

Your mouth was hovering above his clothed cock before he could notice and, delicately, you leaned down to place a kiss on it. The touch was tender, almost numb with the fabric standing between you two, and yet Hoseok shivered, biting down on his lip as one of your hands enveloped his erection. He watched, mesmerized, as you started lazily stroking him through his underwear, leaning your head to the side so you could place heavy kisses on him, at times giving his tip a few kitten licks until it was covered by a thin layer of your saliva.

The sensation left him on edge, silently begging for more. By the time you moved back so you could undress him, Hoseok was a mess of shallow breaths and heavy swallows; his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as pleasure started to build up at the corners of his perception. Biting back a moan of relief, Hoseok raised his hips as you slowly pulled his underwear downward, allowing for his cock to spring free from its confinement. You had done a good job teasing him, because it was already fully hard when it bounced against his abdomen, red-tipped and leaking.

His gaze oscillated between your face and his cock, watching for any reaction as you took one hand to his length, squeezing him firmly. “Fuck,” he let out a grunt, his overwhelmed body responding to the smallest of touches.

You smirked at his reaction, taking a quick glimpse at his devastated features before moving back to what you were doing. Hoseok was so cute, you thought, liking the way he was so responsive.

A shudder ran up Hoseok’s body when your tongue came out between your lips, placing delicate licks on his base. He loved the feeling of your warm muscle against his hardened member, his mind growing eager as you began tracing a path upwards, flattening your tongue against him. His breathing was ragged by the time that you reached his crown, a hum escaping your throat as you lazily swirled your tongue around his tip, covering him with your saliva.

You took your time caressing his slit with your mouth, waiting until he was cursing and panting before you finally wrapped your lips around him. At first, you only took his tip in your mouth, sucking so slowly that Hoseok whined and buckled his hips from the bed, trying to make you move faster.

Wordlessly, you simply placed your palm against his thigh and pressed him back down. Even if that was the last thing he wanted to do, Hoseok accepted your order and settled back against the mattress, grunting as you continued to tease him.

“Please, put it all in,” he begged, starting to lose his trail of thought. “This is torture.”

And maybe another day you would have taken a bit more time torturing him, but, that afternoon, you were kind of in a rush to finish studying. So you complied.

“Oh, fuck, fuck.” His eyes shut and his head was thrown back as you fully sank down on his cock, your tongue flat against him. Before he could stop himself, his hand flew to your hair, yanking at the strands as you moved back up, your hand pumping the parts of him that you couldn’t reach.

“God, your mouth feels so great…” He moaned, back arching as you reached his tip once again, licking it before sinking back down — you took him just a bit deeper that time, and the motion didn’t pass by unnoticed. He was really starting to believe Jimin, and he wondered if maybe he should’ve been more worried about the entire rollercoaster situation. “Ah, that’s it. Just like that.”

You moaned around him, the vibrations making him cry out, desperate. Hoseok couldn’t hold himself back from moving closer to the edge of the bed, his other hand clenching your bedsheets between his fingers as you continued to swallow his cock like it belonged in the hot confinement of your mouth.

“Oh— oh my god, baby,” he grunted, pulling at the strands of your hair. His mind was starting to get hazy, his chest fluttering in a mess of sighs and heavy breaths every time that you sank down on his member; every time you flicked your tongue against his sentitive slit or pumped his base. “That’s really good, you take my cock so well.”

You looked up just to see the mess that Hoseok had turned into. With his mouth parted and eyes glazed over, he looked like he was about to fall apart at any second. He was watching you in complete awe, his eyebrows falling to form a beautiful frown of concentration; tongue coming out to lick his lips. He was so fucked out that you felt yourself getting riled up by his image, a pool of wetness accumulating between your thighs.

“You look so pretty like this.” He exhaled, unaware of his own words. Hoseok was too busy following your swollen, redden lips as they wrapped around his member, your cheeks hollowing after you sucked him with all that you had. Even the small amount of droll around your mouth was enough to make him throb in your hold, a grunt escaping him. “With these — fuck — those pretty lips around my cock, shit. I could watch you forever.”

You hummed around his member again at his words, the vibrations shooting directly at his core, where a rising heat had dangerously grown stronger, signaling his upcoming orgasm. Hoseok loved the way you actually looked like you were enjoying yourself, moaning and whimpering around his cock as you took all of him in your mouth, eyes closing every time he throbbed inside you. The eagerness in which you took him in, like you were starving for his cock, was one of the filthiest images that Hoseok had ever seen, and it was one that he knew would haunt his dreams for the years to come.

When you removed his cock from your mouth with a dirty wet sound, Hoseok was about to complain before he saw you licking down his length, one of your hands holding his cock away from your face as your tongue started to play with his balls. It was an odd feeling, but not an unwelcomed one, and it kept him on edge for a little while longer while you played with him.

With a timid whimper, you looked up at him as you licked your way back up to his tip. The image was so hot that he almost fainted, a deep moan escaping his throat when you took him back inside your delicious mouth.

And the truth was clearer than Hoseok had ever expected: Jimin was right.

“Fuck, babe, how did you get this good?” Hoseok grunted, trying his best to focus on the picture-perfect image of your lips wrapped tightly around his throbbing cock. He could tell that his release was starting to build up at an alarming rate, his thighs growing weaker every time you took him inside you. “Oh my- Ngh! Fuck! Oh my god!”

Hoseok’s mind was wiped clean when he felt his tip hitting the back of your throat, his hips buckling up as your throat clenched around him. He was pretty sure he was in heaven then — if he focused, he could hear angels singing all around him — , his pleasure overtaking every cell of his body as you continued sucking the soul out of him.

“Holy fuck, do that again,” he begged, his voice much higher than before. You didn’t need to be asked twice, because, within a second, he was crying out at the feeling of your throat wrapping around his cock one more time; his hands holding tightly to the roots of your hair. The only reason why Hoseok hadn’t started fucking your mouth yet was because he wanted to have you in control, giving him the best head of his life without any interruption. “Fuck, fuck— Baby, you’re so fucking good at this, fuck.”

There was a vague raising of his hips to meet your movements, making him hit the back of your throat again and again, the lewd sounds you were making filling the room. Nothing in his life had ever compared to that instant, he had ever felt a pleasure as great as he did at that point, and he knew it was about to snap.

“God, I’m gonna cum,” he sobbed, finally closing his eyes and letting the pleasure take over. “Fuck, you’re so good, I’m gonna—“

Hoseok filled your mouth with his cum, dripping down your throat when you swallowed around him. His head was spinning and his muscles were trembling, and that time he was unable to hold himself back from thrusting up against your mouth, trying to prolong that divine sensation for as long as he could before, at last, collapsing against the mattress with a final, shaky moan.

He barely heard you when you got up to your feet, his mind floating above his body as he tried to get himself back together. With the little force that he still had inside him, Hoseok leaned on his elbows and stared at you like you were made of gold. “Fuck, ____.” He breathed out, and the only thing he could say was, “What the fuck?”

You giggled at his reaction, thumb cleaning a bit of cum that had painted the corner of your mouth. “I appreciate your feedback,” you teased, pointing over your shoulder, to where your desk stood, forgotten. “Now that you have your answer, can I study in peace?”

“Y-Yeah, sure,” he struggled to say. “I’ll... stay quiet.”

You smiled brightly. “Thanks!”

He thought about thanking you right back for giving him the best orgasm of his life, but he thought that would make everything much more pathetic. So he didn’t.

Hoseok eventually found the motivation within him to put his cock back inside his underwear, clumsily pulling his pants back up. He found himself in the same position he was before everything went down: dumbfounded, staring at the back of your head as you worked on your textbook. The red numbers on the clock told him that just ten minutes had passed, and yet his life had completely changed.

All that he wanted was to return the favor — it was the fair exchange, after all. Hoseok sat up at the edge of the bed and spoke up, filled by a newfound courage. “Wait. Don’t you want me to take ca—”

“Shut the fuck up, Hoseok.”

His mouth fell shut and his courage deflated just as quickly. Maybe another time.

#hoseok #smut #hoseok smut #bts #bts fic #bts smut #bangtan boys #jung hoseok #pwp #drabble #smut drabble #x you #x reader #reader insert #hoseok x you #hoseok x reader #bts x you #bts x reader #college au

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ridiculousn3sswrites · 3 years

Text

Pressing Issues

*Dick Grayson x Reader

*Summary: Detective Dick Grayson has never been annoyed by another person as much as journalist Reader.

*Warnings: Swearing, talks of gun violence (relevant to a case Dick is working on), mention of robbery (case mention), cop stuff. Let me know if I missed anything.

*A/N: I made a post talking about this idea a while ago and finally wrote it.

Tip Jar

**********

When Detective Dick Grayson stepped on the scene, he didn’t expect anything different from what was told to him on the way there. He went about doing his thing - talking to the officers on the scene, chatting with CSI - when he heard his partner let out an exaggerated groan. Dick looked over, confused at the noise. His partner just rolled his eyes, nodding towards a woman with a press badge. “Man, why’d they send her?”

“Who’s that?” Dick asked. He’d never seen her before, but she was definitely attractive. He’d had a few press statements on other cases, and he never really saw the issue with the press. Maybe that was just from growing up around Bruce and all the media attention that brought, but the journalists he’d spoken to in Bludhaven had never been rude to him.

“That’s (y/n), she’s a monster.” His partner provided no further explanation as the woman walked up to them.

“I’m sorry, Miss, but you can’t be on the scene,” Dick immediately said. He was surprised the other officers didn’t stop her at the tape.

“Right, but those officers weren’t giving me any answers,” she told him. His partner let out a laugh.

“Grayson, you can deal with her, just get her out of the tape,” his partner said.

“Rodriguez, always nice to see you.” She smiled at his partner, but her tone was dripping with sarcasm. “Haven’t gotten any better at your job since the last time we spoke, have you?”

“Grayson, get her out of here.” Rodriguez lost any amusement he had with the woman, and Dick knew he should get the journalist out of there before things escalated even further. Dick led her away from the scene, right to the edge of the tape but away from the small crowd that were always nosing around scenes.

“Detective Richard Grayson, how can I help you out?”

“(Y/n) (L/n), lead crime journalist for the Bludhaven Gazette. I wanted to get a feel for the scene before we put anything out about it,” she explained. “Anything you can share about what happened?”

“Alright, well we have two males hit in a drive-by, one dead on the scene. We don’t know much about motives or anything, but we’re suspecting rival gangs based on the fact this happened in a grey-zone,” Dick told her. It would be vague enough to satisfy her readers, but didn’t put anything too speculative out there. She was shaking her head as she wrote down what he said. “Wait, what’s all that about?”

“What?”

“The head shaking? What, you don’t agree with the police statement?” Dick was trying to joke with her, but he was still confused.

“It’s not a grey-zone, but I wouldn’t expect the cops to know that,” she said, challenging him. Dick tried to think back to his nightly activities, trying to figure out if he missed anything with how the city was divided. As far as he knew, this area was unclaimed. “Right, so that’s it?”

“Well, yeah. We just got on the scene not too long ago.” She just hummed, and he wasn’t sure if it was in acknowledgement or disapproval. “Hey, what’s your beef with Rodriguez?”

“For a Detective, he’s shit at his job,” she told him, clicking her pen as she put it back in her bag.

“Care to elaborate?”

“A kid got snatched, broad daylight, and Rodriguez was the lead on the case. Gave up after a few days. I dunno where you’re from, but where I’m from, we don’t give up like that, especially on a kid,” she said. “I wrote articles talking about it, and Rodriguez doesn’t like me because I called him out on it.”

“Wow, you’re pretty cutthroat,” Dick said, whistling lowly.

“I just don’t give you guys any slack. Be good at your job and you have nothing to worry about.” She smiled at him before turning on her heel and walking away. He watched as she put her phone to her ear, probably talking to someone back at the office. She scared him a little, but he was always up for the challenge.

**********

Rodriguez was right. Dick was always down for accountability, but the way you brought it into his life was a bit much. Every time there was even the slightest hint of a development, you were there with your opinions about what he was doing wrong, and if you ever had any praise for him, it was so sparse he couldn’t even tell it was praise. He was just trying to look through some files to piece together your little cryptic ‘it’s not a grey-zone’ hint, when Rodriguez tapped on his desk.

“What’s up?” He asked, looking up at his partner.

“You got a visitor.”

“God, don’t tell me…”

“Surprise, your worst nightmare is here, Grayson.”

“Aw, I got a new nickname?” You asked Rodriguez as you dropped in the chair next to Dick’s desk. Dick had to stop the groan from escaping him, really not wanting to deal with you.

“She’s your problem now,” Rodriguez said, walking away. Dick almost wished he could go with him.

“Alright, (L/n), what is it now?” Dick asked, putting down his files.

“You have ID on one of the victims and it was a guy with no connections to anything on the Underground, but no progress on the shooter? C’mon, Grayson, I thought you’d at least be better than Rodriguez.”

“I’m working with what I have,” he huffed, fighting the way he wanted to roll his eyes.

“You’re not looking at all your options. Put away the gang files, they’re not the ones you should be looking at,” you almost ordered him. “I’m practically doing your job for you at this point. I gotta run, I have an interview.”

“You’re leaving the Gazette?” Dick was almost hopeful. That would definitely make things easier on him.

“No, smart one, I’m the one doing the interviewing.”

“Wow, who would’ve guessed with your shining personality,” Dick shot back, finally annoyed.

“I’m a ray of sunshine, just not with cops,” you said with your fake little smile before leaving him there. It took everything to not slam his head against his desk.

**********

Dick always thought he was good under pressure, but this was intense. With your little article that came out the day after you talked to him - apparently your interview was with the victim’s wife - public pressure was increasing on the department tenfold. He hated to admit it, but you were good at what you did. He was almost pissed off at himself after reading the article, and that was saying something.

He needed to close this case so he could get you off his back, and he needed to do it fast. Not only did you put pressure on the department, now his superiors were putting even more pressure on him. He knew you were cryptic with what you knew, but you wanted him to put together the pieces. When he was out for his nightly patrol, he was trying to piece together what little hints you dropped.

Dick had to admitted he was silently fuming as he sat on the rooftop across from the scene of the crime. After all, what did you know? It’s not like you had access to the databases he did, both legally and in the legally grey. What did she mean it’s not gang-related? It has to be, this is disputed territory right now.

And of course something sketchy had to happen while he was doubting you. A black town car pulled up to the block, someone getting out of the passenger seat and scanning the area before going back to talk to someone in the back. Dick cursed as he grabbed his binoculars, trying to watch the scene closer to see if he could get any more information from the sketchy scene. He zoomed in on the man in the backseat, a guy dressed in an expensive-looking suit wearing sunglasses at night (like an asshole), silver rings adorning his fingers.

“No way,” Dick mumbled, taking a picture of the rings to send to Barbara later. One of them in particular looked familiar, but he couldn’t exactly place it. “How the hell did she…”

After whoever it was seemed satisfied with how the scene looked, the person got back into the car and it pulled off, the tires screeching in the quiet of the night. As soon as Dick finished his patrols for the night, he sent the picture off to Barbara. She called him as soon as she ran the picture. “Hey, where’d you see this guy?”

“By the scene of that drive-by a couple weeks ago,” Dick explained. “I recognize that big ring he’s wearing on his middle finger, but I have no idea where from. Can you help me out?”

“Yeah, that’s a Baglio family ring,” she told him. “I can’t get an ID on the guy, but you remember that Italian family we were having trouble with out here? Same family.”

“Damn, she was right then. Technically not gang related. Hey, does the mob count as a gang?”

“I mean, technically, but they aren’t really recognized as gangs when it comes to like popular recognition. Does that really matter, though?”

“It’s a matter of me being technically right, so yes.”

“You’re annoying, has anyone told you that lately?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

“Okay, good talk then.”

**********

Actually having a solid lead meant that he was able to close the case a lot sooner than he previously thought. Sure, he wasn’t able to actually bag whoever was in the back of the town car, but he was able to track down the shooters. At the press conference announcing the arrest of the shooters, he could see you right there in the front row with the other reporters. Dick caught your gaze for a second, and he almost missed the small nod of approval you gave him. For a moment, he thought he’d finally get on your good side again.

Then again, the peace could only last for so long. Every single case he was on, he could bet there was an article about it soon to follow. You’d appear at every crime scene, moving on from antagonizing Rodriguez to finding Dick and immediately bothering him. You’d drop your little cryptic hints when he was having trouble with cases, and somehow they’d actually be useful once he decoded them. The thing that probably bugged him the most was how you managed to get to his desk almost every day he was working on particularly difficult cases. You never let him get to the point of forgetting about cases, especially for the ones that involved people that stayed away from the Underground.

He could understand not wanting cases to go cold, but the fact that you were coming into the precinct every single day to bug him about developments was a bit much. Dick could handle a healthy amount of shit talking, but there was just something about your shit talking that got him on edge. Everything about you just got under his skin, and seeing you so often was really not helping that out. It got to the point where he started trying to avoid you just to keep his sanity.

“Grayson, (L/n) just got on the scene, you wanna run?” Rodriguez asked as soon as he spotted you talking to the officers at the tape. Dick quickly looked around, trying to find someplace he could disappear to. The only real option would be to go look like he was talking to the CSI team, but he didn’t want to disturb them actually doing their jobs. Before he could make a decision, you were already approaching.

“Grayson, stop running from me. You know I know where you work,” you called out to him.

“I should really get you banned from the precinct,” he shot back, a small frown on his face.

“You know you’d get bored without me,” you said, rolling your eyes. “So, whatcha got for me?”

“Why are you talking like you’re on this case? Technically I don’t have to tell you anything more than the other officers told you.”

“So what I’m hearing is go ahead and write whatever I want.”

“For fuck’s sake-”

“Ooo, that’s the first time I’ve heard you curse. I like it. So, what’s the news?”

“It’s a robbery, one injured, but we have a couple witnesses and it sounds like we have a pretty solid perp description. We’re just waiting for the witnesses to meet with the sketch artist and then we’re sending out the sketch to the papers and news outlets,” Dick told you. “There, satisfied?”

“As a matter of fact, I am. Glad this one’s an easy one, I’d hate to have to write about you again,” you told him, turning around with a small smile on your face. “See you later, Grayson.”

“I sure hope not,” he decided to call after you. He could faintly hear your laugh, but the thing that caught his attention was the fact that you decided to flip him off as you walked away. Dick froze for a second, not sure if he should be highly amused or pissed off. He settled for somewhere in the middle, leaning more towards being pissed off.

When you put out your article, it was a simple, tell the details, share the perp sketch type of article. Dick was pleasantly surprised that there were no real call outs about him; as a matter of fact, his name was only mentioned once with the request that anyone who sees or has information about the suspect contact the tip-line immediately. He smiled at his laptop, taking the lack of criticism as praise. He was even willing to take the shit talking from Rodriguez, because as far as he was concerned, Rodriguez was just jealous that he never got this type of reaction from you.

**********

Dick didn’t realize he actually somewhat enjoyed your company - if he could call it that - until you stopped bothering him. You moved on from targeting him, bugging other detectives and officers about their open cases. He would hear complaints, as well as some pretty unsavory things, about you from the people you were bothering, and he was surprised about the amount of times he almost jumped to your defense. You were the biggest pain in his ass - constantly bugging him about his cases and making sure that he didn’t forget about your existence - so why did your disappearance bother him so much?

He got used to seeing you around the precinct (just not talking to him), but then he noticed when you stopped showing up. You didn’t show up to crime scenes, you didn’t show up to the precinct, you just weren’t there anymore, and that worried him. He tried asking around about you, seeing if maybe you were there and he just didn’t happen to run into you, but he met the same response: relief that you’d stopped coming around. It got to the point where he was checking the Bludhaven Gazette’s website to see if you’d written any new articles. Nothing.

Dick figured there’d be no way to really contact you; it wasn’t like he could just call your job and be like ‘hey, why isn’t this journalist bothering me anymore?’. He tried pushing you to the back of his mind, but he found himself still looking for you. It annoyed him - even when you weren’t there, you still managed to find a way to bug him. Before he knew it, a month had passed without seeing you. Then, as he was trying to schmooze up to a DA at the Policeman’s Ball, he could hear the telltale groan of another officer. You were there.

Sure enough, there you were in a black cocktail dress, a flute of champagne in hand, talking to someone he vaguely recognized from a different precinct. He wanted to excuse himself from his conversation just to see where the hell you’d been, but he knew he couldn’t risk it. He’d just have to find you later.

Then you slipped away yet again. Dick kept seeing glimpses of you here and there, but he could never catch up to you. It wasn’t until you went to the bar that Dick finally found his opening. You were talking to someone, but he didn’t really care at the moment. He slid up beside you at the bar, ordering a drink. He could see you straighten up at the sound of his voice, knowing he had your attention. As he took a drink of the whiskey in his cup, he turned to look at you.

You were a lot more done up than you normally were when you were working, but he couldn’t say he strongly preferred either. You looked amazing either way, just in different ways. “(L/n), funny running into you here.”

“Grayson,” you greeted, taking a sip of your own drink. “I can hardly believe this is an accident considering the way you’ve been watching me all night.”

That took him off guard, just enough to make him choke on his drink for a second. As soon as he regained his composure, he tried to figure out how to come back from his blunder. “Well, yeah. I thought I was seeing a ghost considering how you just disappeared.”

Not his best work, but you gave an amused smile so he would count it as a win. “Aw, you missed me.”

“I wouldn’t go that far. It was just weird not being bothered every second of my work day.” You tipped your glass back, the last of your drink passing your lips. He watched as you swallowed before putting the glass back on the counter, leaving some bills folded under it.

“Ah, I see. Well, I guess I’ll see you around, Grayson.” You stood from your seat, giving him one last look before turning to disappear back into the crowd. Dick would have to work fast if he wanted to catch up to you before you slipped through his fingers yet again. He paid for his drink and left a tip as fast as he could, scanning through the crowd for you again. You were about to disappear down the hallway towards the bathrooms, and he still had to make his way through the crowd as politely as possible while also avoiding conversation. Damn social conventions.

You walked down the hall, wanting to escape to the bathroom for a few minutes to compose yourself, when you felt a hand around your wrist. You whipped around, not knowing who would be daring enough in a room full of police, just to see the last person you wanted to. “Grayson, let go of me.”

“No,” his voice was firm before he realized it must’ve been a little jarring to just get grabbed. “Sorry, but no.”

“What do you want?”

“Why are you even here?”

“It’s my job. I’m reporting on this damn thing,” you practically hissed, trying again to tug your wrist free from his hold. “Why do you care so much?”

“You’ve been MIA for a month and then suddenly you just appear here of all places? What gives?” He said, stepping towards you. You took a step back, trying to keep the distance, but your back just hit the wall behind you. You were forced to look up at him, the storm in his blue eyes surprising you. Why did it matter so much?

“I got sick, alright? My editor thought this would be an easy returner,” you snapped, trying to maintain your glare with him. It was a little difficult with how close he was to not get flustered, but you did what you needed to. “Why, did you miss me?”

You could tell that pissed him off by the smallest flare of his nose, but before you could take in the victory, he hit his arm on the wall above you. He kept it there, trapping you between his body and the wall. He wasn’t pressed against you just yet, but you wouldn’t be opposed to it if it was. “Why do you like pissing me off so much?”

He really didn’t see the opportunity he presented you with. You grabbed his tie the slightest bit, giving him the chance to pull away if he wanted to. When he didn’t, you used it to pull him down to your eye level. “Have you ever considered how fun it is?”

There was a moment of pure silence between the two of you, the faint noise of the party still going on just down the hall reminding you that you weren’t actually alone. Your gaze flicked down to his lips for just a moment, and then it was over. You don’t know who closed the distance first, but it didn’t really matter. The kiss was heated from the beginning, messy with tongue and teeth but you weren’t going to complain about it. Your hold on his tie tightened, pulling him closer to you. Dick’s arm moved from pressed against the wall above you, one hand fisting in your hair and the other wrapping around your waist to pull your body against him.

“God, I hate you,” Dick panted soon after he broke the kiss.

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t?” You tried teasing, even though your voice was a lot more airy than you would care to admit.

“You annoy the hell out of me.”

“I’m a journalist that doesn’t give cops any wiggle room, of course I do.” He rolled his eyes, making you smile. You pressed another kiss to the corner of his mouth. “But you still missed me.”

“I guess I did. Do you maybe wanna get out of here?” You raised your brow, knowing he had to know how that sounded. It took him a second, but it finally clicked. “Not like that! Get some food or something. You probably aren’t annoying all the time.”

“You underestimate me,” you joked, making him smile. He has a pretty smile. “But I’ll take you up on that. Just make sure you behave yourself.”

“You’re the one who kissed me!”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” You freed yourself from his arms, making your way back down the hallway towards the exit. It took him a second, but you heard Dick following close behind. He pressed a hand to the small of your back, making sure you wouldn’t slip from his fingers again.

**********

Dress Inspiration

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#dick grayson x reader #dick grayson imagine #nightwing imagine #dc imagine #reader insert

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r1ntaros · 3 years

Text

Sweet Escape //Choi San [2]

[1] [2]

Pairing: mafia boss!san x fem!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, mafia au

Word Count: 5.7k

Warnings: usage of drugs, mentions of alcohol consumption, cursing, mentions of weapons

Summary: Going back home feels dreadful as he knows that his freedom will no longer be his by the time he sets foot in the place he grew up once again. San is desperate, for the first time in years, to have someone save him even if it’s in a form of an angel-looking beauty that hides the darkness from within.

Author's Note: Part 2 is finally here and I'm sad to say that this is where it ends.. Also, some names are made up by me hehe! Enjoy!

Masterlist

San has never felt so free and it’s all thanks to y/n.

It wasn’t long when he realized that he did, in fact, grew to love y/n as a friend then escalated into something more quickly. He knew by the time he realized that he had to get rid of it quickly before he ended up actually hurting himself. But here he is, sitting in front of her at dinner, watching her talk about herself in admiration.

He couldn’t help but smile as he notices her small mannerism like how she uses her hands to make her stories more exaggerated, how she snaps her fingers when she remembers something important.. or snap in front of San’s face to get his focus once again to which she perfectly did so.

“Sannie, are you okay? You’ve tuned out in the middle of my story telling.” She huffs with a pout and crosses her arms in her chest. He couldn't help but laugh, muttering an apology as he cut a part of his steak and put it in her mouth to emphasize his apology.

She obviously lit up, eating the slice and said after chewing with a clap, “Thanks, bestie. That’s really good!”

“I know, it tastes extravagant.”

“It really does, probably different from what I used to have back home.” She said, spinning some pasta on her fork only to give it to San as an exchange.

“Okay, that pasta tastes really good as well.”

“I know right? Carbonara really is the best!”

Y/n started to inhale her food more and so did San. They were eating quietly, the silence engulfing them is very comfortable as if they’ve known each other for a long time to be like this in each other’s company. However, the silence didn’t last as y/n spoke, “Sannie, I hope this is not crossing the line but may I ask why you decided to take this trip alone?”

San could only offer her a small smile and he wiped his mouth, ready to speak when y/n added, “It’s okay you don’t have to ans—”

“I’m getting married after this trip.”

He doesn’t know if his eyes are playing tricks but he saw how her eyes became downcast, “Oh..” was all she muttered before eating her food once again.

San, however, took this as a sign to continue, “My father is a really powerful man, pulling some string in favor of other people’s success. There’s this lady that he did a huge favor to which she’ll pay the price with her daughter’s life.”

It seemed to gain y/n’s interest, her eyes telling him to continue, “He decided to set me up in an arranged marriage. Trust me when I say I don’t like it at all.”

“And yet you agreed to it?”

“I have no choice, I’ll accept his conditions or else I’ll..” San contemplated for a while whether to tell if he’ll get himself possibly killed once he declined his father’s decisions. But he thinks y/n is so much of an angel to know how dark the world can be.

“You’ll get what, Sannie?” She urges, looking at him with wide eyes making him sigh, “I’ll gain no inheritance from him.”

“That’s so fucked up.”

San couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly at the grimace painted in her face as he agrees with her words. Little did she know that his whole world is entirely fucked up and what he told her is just a .001% of everything.

“How about you, little y/n? Why did you decide to go on a trip alone?”

She scowled at his remarks only to receive a laugh from San, “Fuck you, I’m not little. You’re just tall. And to answer your question, let’s just say my mom and my sister don't specifically want me to be around during their planning for the big thing.”

“Care to elaborate what does that mean?”

“My sister is getting married to this..” She gestures her hands vaguely as if trying to find the right word, “Big shot type of a man’s son and they’re meeting him for the preparations in the wedding.”

“Huh? What does it have to do with them sending you away?”

“They said and I quote ‘We don’t want you to meet your sister’s father-in-law because we don’t know what you can do.’ Like what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are they expecting me to seduce a fucking 50-year old man?”

San couldn’t help but let out an amused chuckle, “Or maybe you’re too pretty to be around that it’ll make your sister’s father-in-law change his mind to get you to marry his son instead?” He tried to offer lightheartedly and it seemed to work as y/n beamed at him happily.

“So they’re threatened?” She asked, giggling in amusement.

“Yes, maybe they are.”

“Well they should be,” She said and stood up from her seat, San following her actions, “Come on, let’s go up the deck for the last time since this trip is coming to an end.”

San wished she didn’t have to remind him.

The both of them were sitting on deck, the same place where they first talked almost 3 months ago. They bask in silence, y/n sitting beside San with his blazer draped on her lap. They stare at the darkness around them, carefully listening to the waves crashing on the ship’s walls. It made San think about the time he endlessly has to catch her everytime she accidentally slips on the ship’s stairs after their usual afternoon swim in one of the pools.

How she drunkenly volunteered to sing that one night only for her to make San realize that she possesses the voice of an angel. How San was able to show her his competitive side while playing tekken with her on the lounge room, not caring about the weird stares people gave them for being too noisy and how they cuddled the night after their shenanigans, watching netflix and eating whatever snack is available for them to eat.

San giggled at the memory, startling y/n.

“What’s so funny?” She asked, tilting her head curiously to the side and San had to stop himself from pinching her cheeks because of how cute she is.

“Remember that one night when we were eating dinner and that old couple approached us, asking if we’re on honeymoon?”

She couldn’t help but giggle as well while nodding her head, “I was so flustered I accidentally said yes. But hey, at least we got free dessert!”

A solemn smile made its way to his face, “How I wish it was really true.”

Y/n could possibly get a whiplash with how fast she looked at San, eyes full of shock, “San? What do you mean?”

“I like you, y/n.” He said, taking a deep sigh, “Fuck I know it’s too fast but you made it so easy for me to fall in love with you in a span of those months we have spent together.”

“Sannie, I—”

“Ever since then, I dreamt of nothing but being able to hold you and get you involved with the way I lived. I want to bring you with me to the future and spend every remaining time with you that the present has to offer. I want to be able to kiss you, to be able to hug you freely in front of my family and my friends..”

He looked at her in the eye, “I want to be with you, y/n.”

A tear slipped her eyes as she looked at him, not knowing what to say. She wants to tell him how she wants the same. How she’s been craving for his loving touch and how she wants him to cuddle her without looking too needy.

But y/n fought all those thoughts as she thought that everything was escalating too fast between the two of them.

And aside from that, he’s getting married. Fuck. San is..

“Sannie, you’re getting married. I.. we.. we can’t.. I don’t know how I—”

San was shaking his head, trying to grab her hands in his. He refuses to believe that he’s getting married. Refused the fact that after this, he’ll no longer spend his life by himself. Instead, he’ll be spending it with someone he doesn’t know.

Someone who doesn’t possess the same attractive feature as her. Someone who he thinks he won’t love the way he loves y/n. Someone who is not her..

Someone who is not y/n.

And it pains him terribly in his heart and his mind.

San let out an incredulous laugh after his realization sinked in, “Yeah.. you’re right.” He nods his head as if agreeing to what she said, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. I must be out of my head. I’m gonna take my leave.”

He stood up from where he was seated making y/n alarmed, “Sannie wait hear me out—”

“Good bye, y/n.”

And that night, he left her for the first time in the darkness alone with tears heavily falling down her eyes, sobbing uncontrollably with longingness not knowing that San also left his heart along with her leaving him empty and dull because of the pain. The next morning, y/n feels her body is too heavy for her to get up and leave the ship especially after what happened last night.

She never got to see San again once he left her all alone at the deck and she never got back to her room as well which leads her to her current situation, walking barefooted along the ship’s stay-in rooms and lost in her thoughts but she knows she has to move quick as the ship near docking on the port.. at least that’s what the staff who woke her up told her though.

She was passing by San’s room when the door suddenly opened to reveal San in his god-like glory. They made eye contact for a while only for the male to look away, dragging his suitcase behind him which made y/n to continue her walk to her own room. Only when they created enough distance that y/n remembered his coat still slung on her shoulders.

She frantically made her turn, “San!”

The male visibly froze at the end of the hallway but at least he spared y/n a glance which she considered as a win.

The soft patter of her feet was frantic as she removed the blazer hanging on her shoulders and gave it to the rightful owner, “T-This is yours.. thank you.”

San grabbed the blazer on her hand and he started to walk away once again when y/n spoke, “Safe travels, San.”

He muttered a quick ‘you too’ before turning his way out, not sparing her a glance anymore.

She let out a deep sigh and proceeded to her room to clean herself and change her clothes, thankful that she already packed her things the day before. After she does so, she pulls her luggage along with her, just in time to hear that the ship has successfully docked.

Knowing what was already waiting for her, she immediately went straight through the port’s waiting area where she saw far more men in black suits that acted as bodyguards guarding seven other men who looked like they were waiting for someone to come down. Looks like someone important, she thought but she proceeded to walk until she saw her own bodyguard and personal driver who offered her a warm smile.

“Hey there, little baby. How’s the trip?”Junseo, her bodyguard and somehow someone who acted as her brother, asked as he pats her head. She just offered him a small smile and answered timidly, “It was fun, but shit went down yesterday.”

“Awe, what happened?”

She shook her head softly and it’s enough of a message for him to know that she doesn’t want to talk about it. He nodded in understanding and spoke once again, “The private jet your mom sent is already waiting at the airport. They said you can go grab some lunch first if you want to but they can serve you one in the jet if you don’t want to eat here on land.”

“Let’s just go to the airport, I want to rest.” Was all she said and proceeded to enter the car.

Junseo sighed and nodded his head, muttering a ‘shit really went that bad?’ under his breath and entered the car.

Meanwhile, in a safe distance, San had his eyes on her as if guarding her carefully in the last minutes only to be snapped by Seonghwa back to reality.

“You’re awfully spacing out again. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Seonghwa huffs in annoyance.

“Sorry, what was it?”

“I said, we have to leave. And that the wedding will be held next week.” His best friend rolled his eyes at him and he made eye contact with Hongjoong who was staring at him intently, making him raise his eyebrows which the latter just promptly answered with a shake of his head.

They left the place quickly in order and as the distance to the airport continues to decrease, he knows that along with it is his heart continuously breaking into two.

Successfully arriving in Korea, y/n braced herself into another 3 hours travel time which made her catch up with everything she had missed.

Junseo had said that the wedding has been perfectly planned already and that it’ll be grand. A lot of money has been placed on it as well and that she’ll be the maid of honor. But aside from those, there’s one thing she’s curious about.

“Who is she going to marry anyways?” She cut off Junseo in the middle of his rambling and he looked a bit startled by it but he quickly answered, “I think it’s like Choi.. something?”

“Choi..?”

“Yeah, you know that one huge mafia group right? The one who was led by the Choi’s. He has a son who will be next in line and I heard that he won’t lead the mafia unless he agrees to his father’s terms.”

“And that is to marry my sister?” Y/n supplies with a raise of her brow.

Junseo nodded as a confirmation, “Yeah that one or else he’ll get killed.” He then tapped her driver’s arm, “Jaeseok, what’s the name of the man again?”

“Choi Shan? Choi Sang? I don’t..” She pales at the close proximity of the name to her San. But on the other hand, she never got to know what San’s real name is.

“Choi San?” Y/n asked with uncertainty.

Jaeseok nodded his head enthusiastically as if she answered a million dollar question. Her eyes widened as she slaps Junseo’s arm, earning a shout of surprise from the other.

“Do you have a picture of him, Junseo?”

Junseo pulled out his phone and did a few taps on the screen to show him a photo of San, making her heart sink. “Fuck..” She mutters weakly and gives the phone back to Junseo.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” The bodyguard asked with concern.

She lets out a deep sigh and tells them what happened during the trip, Junseo and Jaeseok listening intently to her story. When she reached the end of it, the two boys let out a deep sigh. They were quiet for a while with y/n dreading deep on her feelings, regretting why she didn’t tell him that she liked.. in fact love him that night.

The silence was broken by Jaeseok and the tone of his voice hinted something, “My girlfriend is your sister’s stylist for the wedding though.”

“What the fuck was that supposed to mean, dude?”

“Well we can pull some strings and get y/n to marry Choi San instead.” Jaeseok said with a shrug and he adds, “Don’t look at me like that and stop pretending like we haven’t actually plotted anything evil before. Remember when we decided to knock out the guy who forced y/n to date him by putting some sleeping drugs on his wine?”

Y/n couldn’t help but laugh as she fits herself in between the gap of the seats, “So what’s your plan, Mr. Clever Pants?”

“Just put your sister on sleeping drugs too, just enough for her to not wake up during the whole ceremony.”

Junseo seemed confused, “How are we going to..?”

“Also, don’t you think it’s time for y/n to have an exposure? Y/n is older by a year yet she’s the one who was hidden by Ms. Han, even giving her her actual father’s last name. So it only makes sense that Choi San is supposed to be married to y/n because she was pregnant with her by the time she made the deals with the devil.” Jaeseok logically explained and y/n flinched at that fact.

Everything makes sense now.

“And besides, he didn’t specify which daughter too so both y/n and Ayeon are qualified. But y/n should be on the winning case since Ms. Han was carrying her as a baby that time.”

The car went silent for a while and Junseo made a turn to look at y/n only to see a devilish smirk plastered on her face as she was already looking at him. Junseo knows her all to well. She agrees with the plan. The bodyguard only sighed and pulled out his phone to call someone, “Hello, Yunho? Yes, it’s me Junseo, your cousin. Can you do me a quick favor?”

It’s been six days since San went home and since he last saw y/n as well. The wedding is tomorrow. In a span of those days, his friends never failed to miss that their friends had a little bit of change in his composure. He seemed more broken and vulnerable and they decided to leave it for a while until Hongjoong could no longer take it and took the matters in his own hands.

So long story short, the boys already knew about y/n, and are trying to use their connections to look for her whereabouts just so the two can reconnect with each other.

No one was successful except Yunho, of course, especially after his cousin called while he was on his way home to Gwangju and sadly parted ways with San already.

Yunho, out of all seven, has met y/n immediately four days after his cousin’s phone call. She works fast, even faster than Yunho himself. He found out about everything, even y/n’s side of the story and provided them with what they needed and also helped them plan for the big thing as well.

He was supposed to meet them once again for finalization but San had begged them to come over to spend the last days of his, Yunho quotes as he said, “bachelorship” to which he thinks is too dramatic for his friend and then proceeds to remember that he knows nothing about the plan.

They were currently playing a dangerous game of darts that instead of throwing darts itself, they throw pocket knives on the dart board. They just went on with a round of it before deciding that they should just let themselves get drunk.

Yunho poured himself a drink in a glass and slumped beside San then they clink their glasses together before continuing to down the shot. It seethes on their throats, feeling the burn of it. After recovering with the shot, he placed his hands on San’s thighs, “What’s your plan dude?”

San looked at him, confused, “What do you mean by what’s my plan? I’m getting married tomorrow, dude.”

“Well do you not have plans to meet or look for y/n at least?”

The black-haired male sighed and ran a hand on his hair, “There’s no use, Yunho. She doesn’t want me the way I want her. Heck, she even pointed out that I’m getting married when I told her what I felt that night.”

Yunho pats his thigh as he had let out a deep sigh himself, “Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding?” Yunho knows it is.

“Even if it is, there’s no use in looking for her. I’m getting married tomorrow.”

“Damn it, Sannie. It’s hard to be you.” Yunho said chuckling a little bit and poured their empty glasses some more whiskey. “Since you said it yourself, you’re getting married tomorrow so there’s no harm in enjoying your last night as a single man until we reached our limits, right?”

San roamed his eyes to look at his other friends with their glasses of whiskey raised up and San couldn’t help but smile as he raised his own glass as well.

Wooyoung cheered, “Let’s get drunk tonight, yeah!”

They all laughed at their best friend’s antics and San couldn’t help but shake his head in amusement. He’s thankful for them.

The day has arrived.

Everyone was busy doing their last minute preparations. They decided to just hold the wedding in a private place but it’s still grandiose despite being so secluded, away from the public’s eyes.

On the other hand, the bride was too busy preparing herself for her big day. She was excited to experience this whole new world, expecting San to be an easy husband and fall for her immediately. Ayeon was in the middle of her pampering when a knock was heard on her door.

“Come in!” She answered enthusiastically.

The door opened only to reveal her sister, making her mood drop as the smile on her lips became a frown, “What the fuck do you want, bitch?”

Y/n just chuckled and went inside the room, “Just want to check up on you.”

“And why is that so?”

“Why,” Y/n said as she took a seat on one of the seats near the vanity, “Can I not see my baby sister before she gets sent off? Look after her as she steals everything away from me for the last time?”

Ayeon raised a brow and looked at y/n, “Are you out of your mind? What are you saying? Me? Stealing everything away from you?”

Y/n nodded enthusiastically and she stood up, going behind Ayeon and proceeded to comb her hair. She noticed her little sister stiffened a bit and she had to suppress a smirk, “I’m not out if my mind, Ayeonie.” She giggled and placed the brush on the side and leaned down her sister’s ear level, “In fact, don’t you think it’s my time to finally shine?”

A chilly feeling went through Ayeon’s spine as she looked at her sister through the mirror, the devilish smirk on her face was enough for her to shake in fear but it was soon replaced by a gentle smile.

What a two-faced bitch, she thought.

Y/n pats her little sister’s head, “Eat your breakfast well, Ayeonie. I’ll be taking my leave to prepare as well. I hope you enjoy the rest of the days.” She said as she opened the door, just in time to let the personal assistant to enter the room and serve her sister’s breakfast.

She couldn’t help but smirk as she made her way through where the wedding gown is settled, excited to wear it herself.

—

Y/n was, so far, enjoying the passing hours of the day before the wedding starts. She’s currently in the room assigned as her place to stay with Junseo and his cousin Yunho. They were talking about random things, specifically everything relatable and the similarities of their childhood.

They were sipping their red wines as they basked in the sun passing through the curtains, laughing out wholeheartedly.

Yunho then spoke after taking a sip on his wine glass, “When we were kids, San used to have a thing for collecting flowers.”

“Collecting flowers? Why?” Y/n asked, curiosity and amusement laced in her voice.

Yunho lets out a deep chuckle as he shook his head, “San never met his mother since she died after giving birth to him. It’s Seonghwa hyung’s mom who raised him and they always visit his mother’s grave. San noticed how Seonghwa hyung’s mom always leaves flowers on his mother’s grave and little Sannie just thought that ‘hey, maybe that flower is my mom!’ He thought of it like an offering to make his mother magically appear out of nowhere.”

Y/n couldn’t help the sad smile that appeared on her face, “That’s so wholesome.. yet sad..”

Yunho nodded in agreement as he continued to speak, “After finding out that his mother will no longer appear, no matter what, San never welcomes any women in his life thinking that they’ll also disappear just like how his mother was taken away from him without even letting him meet her.”

“The world is too cruel for him.” Y/n said solemnly as she stared at the red liquid in her glass.

“It really is, so imagine his pain when he thought you don’t feel the same for him.” Yunho said it so casually but it felt like y/n was hit by a ton of bricks.

“He thought I rejected him?”

“My friend is too much of a fool himself. I told him that it may just be an understanding but, eh, he’s stubborn.”

Y/n stared at Yunho for a while before she goes to speak, “Yunho, I—”

Suddenly, the door frantically opened, revealing Jaeseok and his girlfriend who’s panting harshly but the excitement in their eyes is evident.

“Y/n! The drug has taken effect, we locked Ayeon in her room. Come on, let’s get you glammed up!”

—

Preparing y/n did not take up too much time since she finished her makeup beforehand. Jaeseok’s girlfriend just did her hair, retouched the colors on her face and helped her wear the wedding gown.

When they were done, she looked at herself in the mirror, “Wow..”

“Really wow, y/n. It suits you more than it does to Ayeon. When she fitted that I couldn’t help but grimace because it doesn't suit her physique.”

“Well I guess I’m really meant to get married today.” She joked making laughter bounce through the room.

Mirae suddenly clapped and went through the bed where the veil lies and helps her put it on. “The fabric used for that veil is thicker than usual veils so they won’t recognize that it’s you.”

Y/n flashed her a smile, “Mirae, thank you so much for working hard.”

“You’re welcome bubs, it’s for you. Now let’s go, the wedding is about to start!”

—

They arrived at the wedding hall just in time before the wedding started. Y/n wasn’t able to hold a conversation with her own mom to which she was thankful or else she could’ve blown her cover.

The wedding march wasn’t that time consuming since only a few important people were asked to join the entourage. She started to feel nervous, her hands becoming clammy as she counted a slow 1,2,3 when the door opened, revealing the inside of the venue.

At the end, on the altar, was San. Her San, looking so different yet still dashingly handsome with his black hair slicked back, jaw tight and a serious expression in his face. Y/n started to walk, making sure that it’s not too slow or too fast.

The one to receive her hand in the middle of her march was Yunho which made her feel at ease a little bit. Even if they only met a few days ago, she couldn't decline the fact that Yunho has bought an oddly calming presence for her.

By the time they reached the altar, San, without a clue that it’s her, took her hand in Yunho’s hold and planted a kiss on it.

She knew she shouldn’t blow her cover but she couldn’t help but giggle at the gesture and she whispered, “Hi Sannie.”

San snaps his head towards her, eyes wide. He recognizes that voice. In the same volume, he whispered back, “Y/n?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“You’re Ms. Han’s daughter? I.. I thought your sister..”

“Shh, Sannie. The less we talk the faster we will be wedded.”

“Wait aren’t you supposed to remove your veil?” San whispered again making her elbow him at his side, shushing him.

“I can’t risk blowing my cover, I’m doing things illegally.” She answered making her groom pout, clearly unsatisfied. “But I want to see your pretty face.”

“Later, baby, when we kiss.” She answered back and it seemed to make San content as he finally shut up and they focused on the ceremony as it proceeded.

The whole thing was too fast, she did a lot of things like changing her voice and mimicking her sister’s mannerism so it wouldn’t be suspicious. But she knows she has to reveal herself to the public.

“Groom, you may now kiss the bride.”

And there it is.

San faced her with a smile on his face, “Now?” He asked, looking like an excited puppy. He was about to lift the veil when she stopped her.

“Wait, a few warnings, things will get messy.”

San smirked, “I know.”

With that, San lifted her veil, and she was met by an eyes full of love and happiness from the man in front of her. She couldn’t resist it anymore as she pulled him by the neck, kissing him full of love and want, to which San returned back as well.

Just as they pulled away from the kiss, her mother caused a scene, “You’re not Ayeon, where’s Ayeon?”

A collective gasp can be heard but she ignored it and nonchalantly answered, “Sleeping.”

The veins on her mom’s neck started to pop out, “What did you do to—”

Her mother’s exploding tantrums only stopped when San’s father placed a hand on her shoulder and calmly asked y/n, “Darling, who are you?”

She gave her mom a nasty look and said, “Wow, mom, you hid me so well. Too afraid to expose me because you know I’ll steal Ayeon’s spotlight and your lovely youngest daughter will be left with nothing?” She laughed in disbelief and proceeded to answer the question directed at her earlier, “I’m y/n l/n, Han Siwoo’s eldest daughter. She was carrying me when she made that deal with you.”

“Don’t believe her, Mr. Choi, she’s lying!” Her mom said but the panic in her eyes was enough message about the unveiling of the truth.

“If I’m lying is what I’m currently doing, then what do you call your own actions, Ms. Han?” She felt herself slipping into anger but she was held on her ground when she felt her husband squeeze her hand.

“You’ve destroyed my life ever since I was born, don’t you think it’s time for me to repay you in kind? Besides, the truth is more powerful than the lies you put up in people's minds. Even if Ayeon is in my place right now, everyone will still know the truth.” Y/n said and she added, “And besides, Mr. Choi didn’t specify which daughter right? Me and Ayeon are both qualified, it’s just that she’s not as clever as I am.”

She then glanced at San’s father, offering the man a smile, “It’s up to our decision on who you will believe, Mr. Choi. It’s either you kill me or kill her.”

Mr. Choi held his gaze at y/n for a while, the lady answering him back with the same intense stare until he decided to look away and look at y/n’s mother. “Ms. Han, you and your dirty lies.”

“Mr. Choi, I—”

“I thought when you offered your child in exchange, you'd give me your first born.”

“Ayeon is—”

“ I want the truth.” Mr Choi’s voice was dominant, leaving no space for any other argument.

She visibly deflates, “My second born.. Ayeon is my second born.”

The whole venue was quiet for a while and y/n couldn’t help but smirk, “Finally decided to reveal the truth huh. I’ve been waiting for 22 years.”

Whispers can be heard to the venue as disgusted stares were given to her mother. San’s father looked at her once again, “My dearest daughter-in-law, what do you want to do with your mother?”

Y/n contemplates for a while but she knows she has an answer to that.

Knowing that her life was in the hands of her cruel daughter, Ms. Han started to beg, “My baby y/n, you know I—”

She couldn’t stop herself from giggling as she pointed a finger at her mom, “Kill her.”

Her mother’s eyes widen as two men hold her in both arms as she screams, “Wait no, no! Y/n, you heartless bitch! I gave birth to you!”

Ms. Han’s pleas fell deaf in y/n’s ears as she muttered under her breath, “You only gave birth to me but didn’t give me the life I deserve.”

San seemed to hear that as he held her hand tighter, making her look at him only to see the same eyes filled with adoration, “It’s a new chapter for us, I’ll give you the life you deserve.”

She couldn’t help but giggle, planting a kiss on her now husband’s nose, “I didn’t know that meeting you within those three months is one of the signs that I’m going to spend the rest of my life time with you.”

“I love you, y/n.” San muttered softly, as if it’s their biggest secret.

A tear fell down on y/n’s eyes as she beamed at San, “I love you too, Sannie. I didn’t get to say that before.”

“Worry less, we have our lifetime together to say it whenever we want to.”

taglist: @gyubaby

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez x reader #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez fluff #ateez san #ateez angst #ateez au #mafia!san #ateez mafia au #mafia!ateez #ateez choi san #choi san x reader #choi san

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anjuschiffer · 3 years

Text

Amira Wayne - Chapter 15

Two updates in one day?! Hell yeah! As before, I’m catching up with @biodad-bruce-month‘s event.

Chapter 15: Rivalry

P.Tag: @theatreandcomicfreak @damianette-is-life @toodaloo-kangaroo @elijahcrevan @vixen-uchiha @nathleigh

Tag: @we-want-mini-mini @ramos123 @bluesimani @redscarlet95 @greatcatblaze @promiswords @fantasiame @corabeth11 @anonymously-odd @alexandriamw @officiallydarkgeek @galla02006 @maleive07

MASTERLIST | FIRST | PREV | AO3

Amira looked at the two miraculous boxes in her possession, sighing as she looked at the drawing board in her room. Thanks to Tikki, she didn’t have to deal with a tearful departure with her temporary team, something she didn’t think she would’ve been able to handle.

After all, she had adored Carapace’s and Gris’ company.

For now, she was to return them to Master Fu soon, along with discussing a few things regarding her suspect.

“Checking over the data and evidence, Amira?” Tikki asked, munching on some cookies Amira had baked earlier today.

Yes, she made them at five in the morning, but could you blame the girl? She was excited to see her friends again. Not only that, but Wally was going to stay with her for the week! So of course, Amira decided to bake some things for them, wrapping them into tiny bags to give to them later.

“While it may seem like I have all the evidence I need, I still need more. Without those final pieces, I can’t seal the case shut.”

“But didn’t you get the evidence you needed from your father’s-”

“It’s still not enough.” Amira said, looking at her suspect’s picture. “All the evidence points to him, but at the same time it doesn’t. I have his bank statements from just a little over a year, a few things sticking out to me.

An incubator, some gardening tools, a large order of milkweed along with other varieties of flowers and an order from a slightly sketchy butterfly farm.

Back in Gotham, whenever someone wouldn't want others to catch whiff of their plans, they would go through the hassle of having proxies and the sort. But he didn’t bother to do that.

Probably didn’t think anyone would see it odd as his profession calls for him to do the bizarre...at least to some extent.”

“So this suspect’s career allowed him to get away with being...bizarre?”

“A bit of a front, if you will. What makes him even more suspicious is the data I got after adding trackers to the akumas I would purify.”

“What did you get from it?”

“All the butterflies collect into a single area.” Amira circles a particular house on her map, glaring at it. “After all, all loyal creatures go back to the person or thing that cares for them with the utmost kindness. A bit ironic in this case, if you ask me.”

“But this is enough evidence Amira! With all this, you can successfully say-”

“That’s where you’re wrong Tikki. I still need photographic evidence. But very soon Tikki. Very soon, we’ll capture Hawkmoth.” Amira looked at Gabriel Agreste’s photo taped to her board.

She just needs a few more things and she’ll finally be able to take him down. She’ll be victorious.

---

“Baguette!” Adrien chirped, throwing himself onto Marinette, Chloé rolling her eyes.

“Adrikins. We’ve only been away for four days.”

“Four long days at that!” Adrien defended, breaking away from Marinette. “Next time we go to another gala, we’re taking you with us.”

Chloé didn’t miss the way Marinette stiffened, her face going a shade lighter than usual.

“Right...next time.” Marinette trailed, prying Adrien from her. “So, how was the oh-so-famed Wayne Gala? Lived up to its reputation?”

“Hardly.” Chloe scoffed, tossing her hair behind her. “Bunch of old people getting together and talking about setting up their kids to marry one another.”

“Really now?” Marinette said. “Please, do tell me more.”

---

Amira was glad to hear that the gala was a success, although she already knew that thanks to Dick.

With the gala talk occupying the majority of the group’s time, the school day had managed to go quicker than usual, not that Amira minded it.

Aside from hearing Chloe’s complaints about the gala, Amira also got to introduce Nino to them during lunch, Nino and Adrien quickly bonding over their love for Jagged Stone. Of course, their little gathering finished quickly once Alya caught wind of the reason why Chloe and Adrien were absent.

To avoid Alya from gathering any details, the trio decided to keep talking after school...or rather after fencing club through text.

Making sure that her knickers were in place, Amira proceeded to put on her plastron and jacket, carrying her headgear in hand. She was glad to have an actual partner for fencing again. As much as she liked sparring with Mr. D’Argencourt, it was starting to get overbearing whenever he would go on tangents on her becoming his next star pupil.

“Baguette! Have you been practicing despite me being gone?” Adrien asked with a smirk, only to get a scoff in return when the two got to their usual spots in the courtyard.

“Of course I have been. How else will I get better?” Marinette said, placing her headgear on. “Why don’t I prove it to you?”

Smiling, Adrien also placed his headgear on.

“En garde. Pret? Allez!” Adrien recited, lunging towards Marinette, only to be dodged and attacked.

“Attaque. Touche. Point!” Mr.D’Argencourt said with a smile. “Wonderful work, Marinette!”

“Shall we continue?” Marinette asked, getting into position. Chuckling, Adrien also got into position.

“En garde. Pret? Allez!”

Marinette quickly lunged towards Adrien, using his retreat to counter it, bringing her sword under his own and landing a hit on him.

“You really weren’t kidding. Attack, pare, riposte, counterattack. Just how much have you been practicing?”

“I only learn from the best.” Marinette answered back, bending her epee. “Mr. D’Argencourt-”

“Where is D’Argencourt? I wish to join the team as I heard that only le crème de la crème learn under his tutelage.” Someone roared, Adrien and Marinette turning to see a fencer in all red standing on top of the scoring machine.

Mr. D’Argencourt walked up to Rouge, examining them from head to toe.

“I am M. D’Argencourt and I will only consider your admission if you can defeat my best student.”

“And who is this student?” They asked, getting off the scoring machine.

Adrien and Marinette watched as the sea of club members that were once in front of them now left them exposed. “Which one of you is the best combatant?”

Marinette gladly stepped aside after pushing Adrien forward.

“Baguette! How could you? Top 10-”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic. You are Mr D’Argencourt’s best student, any way you look at it. So go on and make us proud!”

---

Marinette watched as the match escalated from using the scoring machine to her having to act as referee.

She followed the duel as they soon left the piste, Marinette so close on scolding the two for leaving the strip they were supposed to stay on (if this were an official match).

But pushing that urge down, Marinette watched with wonder as the duo kept parrying each other, surprised that this person was on par with Adrien.

Marinette was so drawn in by their match that not only did she follow them into the library, but she almost missed the final hit. Thankfully, she didn’t.

As the two stepped back from the position that clearly showed both of their epee on one another, Marinette was ready to declare the winner.

Yes it went pretty fast, but the match was still clear enough for her to know who actually won.

Marinette remained silent, letting Adrien and Rouge catch their breaths until Rouge decided to speak first.

“So...who won? Who got the first hit?”

Marinette watched as Adrien took off his headgear, his hair sticking to his face.

At this time, the rest of the club finally caught up, Mr. D’Argencourt demanded to know who won.

“Adrien, Mr. D’Argencourt. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Rouge here won. They landed the hit first.” Marinette announced, watching as Rouge take off their headgear, a smile on her face.

“I still remain victorious!” Rouge said, stabbing her epee into the air before letting it rest once by her side again.

Rouge, however, couldn’t help but notice Adrien’s staring between her and the person who watched their entire match.

Rouge watched as Adrien kept turning his head between the two, an unsettling grin growing as his eyes stopped on M D’Argencourt.

“M. D’Argencourt! You have to let her join the team!” Adrien said with a smile, confusing everyone. “By the way, what’s your name?” Adrien asked Rouge.

“Kagami. Kagami Tsurugi.”

“Adrien, where are you going with this?”

“Do you really not know what this means, M. D’Argencourt?”

“That adding Mlle Tsurugi to the team will help my reputation?”

“Well that, but you’ll have the strongest duo of female fencers under your tutelage!” Adrien said, running up to the referee of the match, taking off their headgear, Kagami feeling her eyes widen. “And they look practically identical.”

Kagami agreed. To think she would find someone who looked almost identical to herself…

“Adrien, is what you are saying true? That this person is just as good as I am?” Kagami asked, pointing her epee towards Marinette, causing her to gulp.

“He’s clearly exaggerating.” Marinette said, using her hand to gently lower the blade point towards her. “Oh, how rude of me. Name’s Marinette. Marinette Dupain-Cheng. And I can’t possibly be just as good as you if I just started fencing this year. That would be an insult to all experienced fencers out there.”

Adrien sheepishly rubbed the back of his head.

“But to get high praise from an experienced fencer,” Kagami said, getting into position for another match. “Show me Marinette. Show me this skill Adrien has seen worthy of his praise. En guarde!”

---

Amira flopped onto her beanbag, groaning into it as Tikki zipped out her jacket.

“That girl Kagami...she really is amazing, isn’t she?”

After Adrien happily stated that Marinette was on par with him, Kagami started a duel, keeping Marinette on her toes throughout the whole match.

While Amira was able to keep up with Kagami, it was nothing compared to her spars with Adrien.

Kagami relentlessly struck attack after attack, her attacks filled with such force, it felt as if Kagami’s epee was of some other material than steel.

Was she really just 13 years old like the rest of them? It felt as if she had more experience than someone her age should…

Abruptly getting up, Amira plopped herself into her computer chair, madly typing in the surname Tsurugi, only to be surprised to see Kagami and two other people’s faces appear in the search.

Amira let out a dry laugh, not believing her luck.

“So her whole family is into fencing, what are the odds.” Not only was her mother a two-time Olympic champion, her grandfather was a three time Olympic champion before as well. The two reasons why either couldn’t continue their streak was due to life-changing events. In Tomoe’s case, an incident that caused her to go blind.

“Wow. That’s very impressive!”

“Isn’t it? But I worry. Can you imagine the amount of pressure she has to carry? The pressure to uphold her family’s legacy?”

Amira stared back at Kagami’s photo, finally deciding to shut down her computer.

“Amira! It’s almost 5! You’re going to be late to the airport!”

“Airport? Wally isn’t coming via airport. He’s coming over via zeta tube.” Amira said with a grin, grabbing a coat and her keys before heading off to greet Wally.

---

Wally gaped as he took in his surroundings, not believing he was in Paris. He didn’t snap from his trance until something was shoved into his mouth.

“Flies are going to go in if you don’t close your mouth.” Amira said, placing a bag of cookies into his hands. He eagerly began to devour them.

How long has it been since he had Amira’s homemade cookies?

“Can you blame me?” Wally stuffed another cookie into his mouth. “This is my first time in Paris!”

“Wally. You’ve literally been to space. Heck, you live there.” Amira said, giving him a smile.

“Amira.” He gestured at the Eiffel Tower in the distance. “Paris.”

“Don’t get too comfortable now.” Amira said, watching as the two arrived at the bakery. “Things will be bound to get odd.”

Oh the urge Wally had to laugh when the ground began to shake, causing Amira to groan.

“Are you sure you’re Lady Luck? Because it sure doesn’t feel like it. Ow!” Wally exclaimed when Amira punched his shoulder.

“Whatever you do, don’t leave the bakery, understood? In case you forgot, Justice League members are banned from stepping foot into Paris.”

“Except for me, because you love me too much.” Wally said with a smile, not noticing the pink dust on Amira’s cheeks.

“Whatever.” Amira grumbled, pushing Wally into the bakery before going off to face today’s Victim.

---

Wally watched as Amira returned to her room, watching as she collapsed onto her bed, her Ladybird costume disappearing from her persona, Amira going back into wearing her red turtleneck shirt and black skirt.

“Magic. I would never understand.”

“Then don’t.” Amira said, though it came out muffled. “Do you mind writing something down for me?”

“Sure thing.” Wally said, watching as Amira turned over. He eyed the stack of sticky notes and grabbed it along with a pen. “Ready whenever you are.”

“Max. Dupont. My classmate who got upset because no one was available to test out his new game. Went by the name Gamer.” She said as she climbed down the ladder.

Now that she thought about it, wasn’t he the one who won a video game competition around a month ago? Or was it two?

“So what are you going to do with this?” Wally said, handing it to Amira.

She simply gave him a smirk, pulling down a hidden map, Wally taken back by the amount of information and theories on it. All of these tiny details were all connected to the center of the map, the photo of some old guy there.

“Data.”

“Wow. You know, you can give your father a run for his money.” Wally said, shouting a ‘hey’ when Amira elbowed him.

“I learned from the best, what can you expect?” Amira said, placing down the note on top of an already large pile of notes. “To think that even with all this evidence, it’s still not enough to go after my suspect.”

“What do you mean? Isn’t this enough? Judging from his schedule, he’s the perfect candidate to-“

“But he has alibis each time there’s an attack and even though it’s always the same alibi, it’s one nonetheless. Although it’s still not enough to convince me.”

“Elaborate.”

Wally was handed over a file, the title of it being the Bubbler. Reading through it, Wally noticed that he wasn’t affected by the akuma attack in the slightest while his bodyguard and assistant were.

“So you’ve noticed it.”

“How did he not get bubbled? He’s an adult!”

“The answer is simple. He avoids being harmed by being in cahoots with the Victim. You can even go as far as saying he’s an accomplice.”

“Or rather, Hawkmoth.”

“Bingo.” Amira scowled upon looking at Gabriel’s picture. “I just need one last thing to make sure I’m right. Otherwise, the evidence will go against me if I were to present it to him.”

Placing his elbow on her shoulder, Wally hummed.

“More evidence, huh? What do you think of breaking into-“

“Wally, no.”

“Wally, yes.” Wally responded before Amira smacked his shoulder, Wally simply laughing.

Amira soon joined in with a sputtering laugh, causing Wally to smile.

When was the last time the two of them laughed like this? To think moments like these could only happen like this…

Why did Jason have to leave them?

---

Despite having just arrived from the latest akuma attack, Adrien was buzzing with energy.

He didn’t know LB knew how to play video games! And he certainly didn’t think Queen Bee wouldn’t know. What teen didn’t know how to play video games?

They’re so much fun!

Actually...When was the last time he had this much fun?

Walking around his room, feeling the energy bouncing within him, Adrien let out a gasp and a grin as he made his way to his bedroom door.

“Adrien, what are you doing?” Plagg asked, floating next to Adrien.

“Well, seeing as Dad’s off doing whatever it is he does, I thought I should explore the house for once.” Adrien said, peeping into the hall to see Pierre dozing off. Adrien has noticed that his father had been overworking his bodyguard ever since he came back from Gotham.

“Wait, how have you never-” Plagg started, only to stop when Adrien gestured his head towards the sleeping bodyguard.

“Pierre never lets me leave my room whenever Dad leaves, which is why right now is a pretty good time to do so.” With that said, Adrien sneaked into his father’s office, never realizing how empty it felt despite the clutter of fabrics in the room.

Adrien made his way towards the portrait of his mother, sighing as she looked back at him.

God how he missed her.

“Wow. Despite your father being the only one in this room, there sure is a lot of things here.” Plagg said, phasing through the different materials and boxes. “Sadly, there’s nothing but designs here.”

“Yeah.” Adrien huffed, about to leave the place when he remembered the thing he saw back at Wayne Manor. Walking up to his mother’s portrait, he decided to pull it when the frame came forward, startling Adrien.

“Hey! Destroying things is my thing, kit!” Plagg complained, watching as the portrait swung open a bit. “Oooo! A secret stash?” Plagg asked with wonder, watching as Adrien pulled the portrait forward, exposing a safe.

“Of course it would need a code.”

“Code? Who needs a code when you got me?” Plagg said with a smug, phasing through the safe and opening it up. “See? Easy as cheese!”

“Don’t you mean ‘easy as pie?’” Adrien said, looking at the things inside the safe. An old receipt, hotel flyer, a picture of his mother, a peacock inspired brooch and-

“No cheese, but this certainly looks familiar.” Plagg said, hovering about the book he was talking about. “It’s the book Master Fu has been looking for!” Plagge exclaimed, picking it up. “Oh the look on Sugar Cube’s face when she finds out I found it before her!”

“Sugar cube?”

“Tikki, LB’s kwami.” Plagg shortly explained before going up to Adrien’s face. “But we can talk about that later! We need to bring this to Master Fu n-”

The sound of the front door made the two jump, causing Adrien to quickly close the safe and place back the portrait. Eyeing a fabric box, Adrien quickly stuffed the book into it and swung the bag over himself.

Luckily, just in time.

“Adrien, what are you doing in here?” Gabriel asked, his eyes narrowed.

“My bag has a hole in it so I thought of asking you if I could get a new one. I came here, but I forgot you were out, but then I saw this bag and kinda liked how it looked.” Adrien showed his father the black leather messenger bag. “So, can I keep it? If you’re not using it, that is.”

Adrien waited for his father’s response, watching as his father still held his stoic face.

‘Please say yes, please say yes!’

“You can keep it.” Gabriel said, Adrien letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “As for your old one, bring it here so that I can mend it. Then you’ll have to bags to alter between.”

“Thank you, Father.” Adrien said with a bow before rushing out of the room, glad that things worked out fine.

“Now I just hope he doesn’t notice it’s gone missing.”

---

Nightfall fell upon Paris, Ladybird sitting at the Eiffel Tower as she waited for a few people to meet up with her.

“-sure you don’t want me to-”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve been doing this for months.” Queen Bee heard Ladybird assure someone upon arriving at their usual rendezvous. She had never heard her call anyone before patrol. “If anyone should be worried, it should be me. I’ve been told you’re still recovering from a stabbing. When were you going to tell me that? And before you say anything, yes, it was Großvater.”

A stabbing? Just who was Ladybird talking to? “Oh, seems like someone is already here. I’ll talk to you later. Mach’s gut.” Ladybird put away her phone before turning to Bee. “You could’ve said something if you were here already.”

“Didn’t want to bother you. Plus, it seems like you were in the middle of catching up with whoever it was you were talking to.” Queen Bee approached Ladybird, looking out to see the same Parisian night she saw in the photo at Wayne Manor.

Pictures that showed a motherless little girl, raised by a billionaire father.

“I...I never met my mother...never go to know her either.”

A bit of her wished it was just a mere coincidence. A bit of her wished she was wrong.

“I was, but duty first.” Ladybird said with a smile, snapping Chloe from her thoughts. “Of course, we have to wait for Chat before we can go on patrol.”

Returning the smile, Queen Bee leaned against a beam. She had to get rid of this theory before it consumed her, before she found something she knew would get her in great trouble.

“Hope he isn’t stuck again playing video games, he had seemed to have enjoyed it when we were all stuck in Gamer’s video game.”

At that, the two girls laughed, the wind carrying their soft laughter until it merged with the city noise.

#maribat #amira wayne #b!dbwm2020

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goldkirk · 4 years

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Hi! This is kind of a personal question, so you can feel free to just not answer if you don't want to. But I've been reading your stories and blog and I wanted to ask, have you been through abuse? Because the way you write and talk it sounds like you're going off of experience instead of imagination, if that makes sense, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about it.

Okay so…I’ve been looking at this ask for an hour or so now and I’m still like. Not sure I want to answer it. I’m sure you’re coming from a great place, okay, and don’t mean anything bad here, but like. While I’m super happy to talk with people about specific instances, and while I’m prone to oversharing on my blog anyway, I don’t really feel comfortable just…dropping my whole life story to a stranger when even I haven’t processed all of it, and I’m not sure of my own perspectives, and I don’t know if this is maybe a family member in disguise trying to bait me into saying things that could be used against me or whatever? Like. It’s a matter of both comfort and personal safety, and also I don’t have a lot of my own perspectives solid yet. I don’t know that I can give you the answer you’re looking for, because I don’t know it myself. I’m not sure of anything.

So like, I’m happy to talk about specific things anyone has questions about, but I don’t even know where to start with this. A lot of my own experiences were written into Latchkey, although some was exaggerated and some was tweaked for extra intensity to cross the line into what I’d view as abuse instead of just like…discipline I deserved or whatever? I don’t know. You can take away what you want from my writing, it’s first and foremost my own way of working through emotions and thoughts and memories in a way that works for me, and I. Yeah. I don’t know what to tell you here. I don’t have an answer for you. I don’t know?? Maybe? I’m not enough of an unbiased judge to be able to answer that question. I’m not in a place where I can be honest with myself enough to like…fully believe one way or the other. I’m just as confused as Tim is a lot of the time. That’s why I made his story a little more clear-cut, with some of the escalation. Anyway. That’s all. I don’t know what I’m really trying to say here.

i know i have a lot of the signs of it in my life, okay, but it’s really, REALLY Fucking hard to actually see it as a fact for MYSELF because like? who am I to say what was right or wrong and what goes too far? if it is abuse then that has really big consequences but also changes, like, nothing at all in terms of what already happened, and I’m just…dealing with the day to day regardless. I don’t KNOW, and I can only push myself so far so fast. Sorry. Wish I had a clearer answer. This wasn’t supposed to turn into like, a vent post. Oof

#i might delete this in the morning i just want to make sure you see this before i do anon #sorry i can't give you a better answer i just #literally don't know #like #it's ME and MY LIFE so i literally can't look at the situations objectively #and i don't trust my own memories and perspectives #so like #i can't give you what you're looking for #maybe yes maybe no #does it matter???? like i hope my writing can help people #i'm trying to make it help me #i have literally no one i can talk to about this stuff who's older and more experienced so i'm flying blind my dudes i'm just doing #the very best i can

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szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow morning? I doubt that I’ll fall asleep tonight but if it happens then I want to sleep in

Have you ever been in an ambulance? twice Do you enjoy receiving souvenirs? I prefer to buy them myself but I don’t like to travel lol Do a lot of people dislike you or is it the other way around? I hate them and they hate me back Do you try to stay busy a lot? define busy Do you lie a lot? nah, I exaggerate tho Do you still act childish most of the time? yup Did you ever enjoy gym class? yep What is your biggest insecurity? look? my skin What was the last thing you plugged into an outlet? my cellphone Do people consider you to be a funny person? yeah Do you have any bad habits? sure Do you like children? nooo If not, why is this? many reasons Do you own any gaming systems? I only play PC/ online/android apps How old were your parents when they had you? in their 30s Is there a big age difference between you and the person you date? there's barely any difference Does the future excite you or scare you? scares me Do you try to spend a lot of time with family? yes What do you plan on doing with the rest of your life? we’ll see What is your favorite movie from the nineties? hard choice Which decade were you born in? 90s XD Are you good at giving advice to people? I am but they don’t listen Have you ever been in a long-term relationship? wouldn’t say so Is there anyone out there who makes you feel completely useless? me, I make myself feel useless because I am useless Do you like texting or calling people more? texting Do you have a lot of friends? I have no friends Have you ever painted something and been impressed by it? meh Would you rather go out to eat or stay in? stay in Do you think you attract the opposite sex at a reasonable rate? I don’t attract them Where is your favorite place to travel? nowhere What is your goal for the next few months? working on my health issues mostly Do you own a lot of shoes? just a few pairs Would you rather wear jeans or sweatpants? sweatpants Do you think you have a good sense of style? I have my own sense of style but I head I’m good with accessorising Do you enjoy reading often? occassionally only Have you ever had a deadly illness? sigh... Where did you last eat dinner at? finally home

have you ever been invited to a tacky-christmas-sweater party? I like tacky sweaters but I dislike parties what is the biggest turn off to you? penis

when was the last time you had a nightmare? recently where do you see yourself in ten years? dead if you had the chance to re-do the past six months…would you do it? maybe does your family have traditions? some sort of have you ever had a horrible school picture? I’m ugly whose voice will never fail to get on your nerves? hmm... do you sleep on your stomach, side or back? definitely not my back would you ever take up a job in photography? don’t think so

Do you find it hard to believe that a dinosaur was once right where u are? kinda

What is your favourite part of the movie “The Lion King”? Timon and Pumba moments

Do you knock before entering someone’s room? of course

Would you freak out if you saw a spider crawling on you right now? one was crawling on me today twice and I didn’t freak out

Have you ever used a tanning bed? hell no Do you think people will eventually stop believing in God? :o

Have you ever been go-cart racing? I have not

How many jobs have you had in your life? it’s complicated but I’d say zero

Does your shower have a door or curtains? we have bath

Are you good at remembering names? am really bad at it

Have you ever walked the opposite direction on an escalator? noooo

When making pancakes, do you try to make cool shapes/pictures? I don’t cool

Opinions on Channing Tatum? blergh

Do you use your hand when you’re explaining something? it’s possible

Do you still live in your home town? I do indeed

Where do you apply cologne or perfume? -

What about your look makes it your signature ‘you’ look? childish stuff, leggings, funny quotes on T-shirts...

Do you have an innie or outie? innie

Do you type quickly or slowly? very fast

Have you ever been addicted to a game? for a short time period

How long do you spend getting ready every day? minutes

How many cavities do you have? lots

Do you take surveys hoping someone will see your answers or just ‘because’? just because

What diet could you never do? vegan

What kind of toothpaste do you like? none

What would you never do, for all the money in the world? sell my soul

Is the grass greener on the other side? it’s probably fake

who picks the music when you’re riding in the car? driver

do you know anyone who regularly uses a bike for transportation? my uncle

do you consider audio books not really reading? it’s listening

strangest thing you’ve ever put in the trunk of a car? wtf

do you carry matches or a lighter? I own a lighter but I don’t carry either around

do you keep socks with a hole in them if they are your favorites? ^^”

last time you wore clothes that were too small on you. I wear oversized

have you ever had something taken away from you by airport security? luckily not

something you were surprised to learn about your parent’s childhood? personal

do you store any non food items in the fridge? cosmetics (my mom does, not me)

have you ever told a friend you thought their parent was hot? not applicable

have you ever destroyed another person’s belongings out of anger? don’t do that!

plain band aids or fun ones? plain

which pain killer do you use? time

have you ever borrowed underwear from a friend? disgusting, cringe

last pair of shoes you threw out? my red martens?

have you ever thrown anything up to hang on the power/phone lines? I’m not stupid

do you pay attention to people’s posture? rarely

could you happily survive in a world without music? if I was born in it then 100% but if it stopped existing now then I’d be sad, still survive has anyone ever revealed one of your secrets to another person? more than once if you’ve stayed overnight in a hospital, how did you entertain yourself? this question today...

what do you often assume about other people? that they’re evil, more or less

do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex? middle school? how do you hold/position your pillow while you sleep? dunno how to explain that what kind of environment do you need to be able to sleep? not fresh pajama/sheets, smth under my chest/lungs lately, arm under a small pillow, light until I feel sleepy enough to turn it off, not wanting to eat or pee anymore as it bothers me, preferably no noise and strong smells too, alone, pajama, socks when it’s cold... have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? ewww, feet are gross have you ever farted, but tried to pass it off as someone else? as smth else*

why do you use foul language, if you do? it helps like punching something

is there a type of candy that you do not like? most of candies is there anything about which you are consistently paranoid? sadly rank your life based on percentage spent happy, and percentage spent sad: 99% unhappy?...

Would you rather date someone opposite from you or the same as you? similar

Do you own any band merch? I wish

Do you like Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit? LOTR but not Hobbit

Do you usually regret things you did or things you didn’t do more? things I did

Do you prefer shopping with friends or by yourself? depends

If you had a parrot, what would be the first word you would teach it? hello/hi

What food did you eat the most lately? white bread

What do you want your wedding song to be? our song

True/False : If it’s meant to be, it will be. hopefully true

what’s something you want but will probably never get? health

Do you get embarrassed when your stomach growls in class? that is sooo awkward

Do you think tattoos are hot? I don’t mind some

When did you last play Monopoly? this year?

Do you love food more than you love people? I don’t like food nor ppl

True or False: you this read wrong I read this right, you written it wrong

Do you think underwater pictures look cool? creepy

What is the most ridiculous law you ever heard about? there was this guy who broke some ridiculous laws in England

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five-wow · 5 years

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Author Asks

Rules: answer these questions and tag five other fic writers to do the same.

I was tagged by the wonderful @novemberhush. Thank you, omg, because I love rambling about writing and this is the best kind of opportunity to do so, handed on a silver platter, ahh. 😊

Author Name: Square / Squares / SquaresAreNotCircles

Fandoms You Write For: I’m a fandom hopper! In the past year or so it’s been Hawaii Five-0 (a truly ridiculous amount), Shadowhunters, Venom, Harry Potter, due South and Stargate Atlantis. Other fandoms I’ve written at least one fic for are Twilight, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Glee, BBC Merlin, BBC Atlantis, Teen Wolf, In The Flesh, Star Wars, Supernatural, the MCU and High School Musical. And uh, Alexander the Great/Voltaire fic (which would be... history fandom? RPF?) and one (1) Judas/Jesus Biblefic. If we’re getting really technical, also a tiny little bit of One Direction fic.

It should be noted that all of this is about fic that ended up getting posted somewhere on the interwebs - there are multiple Star Trek (TOS/AOS and DS9) fics lingering in my drafts (!! one day I will finish one of them), as well as some How To Train Your Dragon, The Good Place and Deadpool stuff, and definitely more I’ve forgotten.

Where You Post: Since I made the switch to writing in English everything has landed on ao3, but I used to write mostly in Dutch, so there’s still close to a million words, I think, under my name on quizlet.nl (not to be confused with quizlet.com, which is a very different website).

Most Popular One-Shot: That depends on how you’re measuring popularity! Going by kudos, it’s Tell me I’m perfect (but tell me the truth), a Magnus/Alec Shadowhunters fic. It’s the truth is a really old fic about Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood from Harry Potter that has the most hits out of all my works, and That time Steve kissed every single Avenger (and also Bucky), an MCU Steve/Bucky fic, has the greatest number of comment threads.

Also, since this is an h50 blog: for my fic in this fandom Wanted: partner (in crime) has the most kudos and hits; You had me at meow has the most comments.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: I’m working on one for h50 (going slowly, so slowly), but I don’t have any posted to ao3. I used to write a lot of multi-chaptered work in my quizlet.nl days, and I think my most popular fic there was probably the second fic I ever wrote, when I was fourteen or fifteen, which was a next-gen Harry Potter fic with shifting and overlapping POVs from the three Potter kids. It was kind of, well, not great, but it’s probably what really cemented my writing habit, it’s still my longest fic ever (over a 100k!) and I got my first fandom friends out of it, including one I’m still in contact with to this day, even though neither of us writes much if anything for Harry Potter anymore.

Favourite Story You Wrote: Ohhh, that’s such an impossible question, especially because I’ve been churning out one-shots like I might actually be getting paid for it, so there’s so much to choose from, which is a thing I have difficulty doing at the best of times, holy shit. Uh, I once wrote a 70k Remus/Sirius (Harry Potter) modern college-ish AU in Dutch that I still like; weirdly, I think that Biblefic holds up (also Dutch), and the HSM fic is fun to reread once in a while because of the fourth wall break, as is That escalated quickly, a Percy/Oliver fic. Ooh, and the fic about Shuri and Stucky and a goat!

For h50, it’s even harder to choose, because my preferences change pretty much weekly (a combination of newer fic being shinier, looking back at fic from even just a few months ago and finding things I would have done differently now, and comments influencing the way I personally look at my own fic), but right now, I’d say I still really like the fic where Steve adopts some guinea pigs, the one with the slightly tipsy team bonding by talking about mutual crushes and this 9.11 coda fix fluff getting together thing.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: That Biblefic, haha, because it’s a very complicated topic and my aim was definitely not to offend. People were really sweet about it, though! Mostly, they were kind of shocked it wasn’t crack, but that’s fair, because so was I.

Also pretty much anything I post in a new fandom, really, and low key just... anything at all. I’m always a little scared I tagged something super badly or accidentally copy-pasted the wrong text or unknowingly wrote something super offensive or whatever, despite my double- and triplechecking of the posting form. (I’m also still kind of scared people on ao3 will randomly decide they hate my fic and my writing and me personally (ao3 is really big and very anonymous and coming from the small town that was quizlet.nl even in its heyday, that’s scary), but that fear has abated as I’ve posted more, just because the data is showing pretty conclusively that thought is as irrational as it sounds. Everyone is always so nice, gosh.)

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Mostly, I steal lines from random songs. I have a small pile of song lyrics to use as potential titles, because going on a seperate hunt for every new fic would take most of my waking hours. Sometimes, I’ll use a pun (like You had me at meow or Retail Therapy) or something else that I think sounds good, especially if the fic is mostly comedy and/or has a specific premise that would do well in a title (like Five times the Governor of Hawaii suspects his taskforce leaders are violating fraternization policies (and one time they tell him they are)).

Do You Outline: I’m mostly writing fic of (sometimes much) less than 5k at the moment, so not really. I do sometimes write tiny bits of a bunch of scenes and then fill in the rest around that, which is a kind of outline, in a way. For longer works, I usually make a one page bullet point list of things that need to happen and work from there, because I can’t do really extensive outlining or I’ll just get caught up in the details and lose all of the oversight a tool like that is supposed to give you, as well as most of my enthusiasm for the project.

How Many Of Your Stories Are Complete: Of the ones posted? On ao3, all of them, because unfinished posted one-shot works would require some strange bending of those concepts. On quizlet.nl, I do have some abandoned works, but I think 80% is finished.

In-Progress: SO MUCH. Seriously, just, so much, oh god. I’d really like to write another Stargate Atlantis fic (and I have 30% of one done), and something more for due South, too, and maybe a small Percy/Oliver thing again some time because they were my very first OTP and I kind of miss them, but mostly I have, like, 100+ half written things for h50. I really wish that number was an exaggeration. There’s no way they’ll all get finished, but maybe... a third? Mayhaps?

That One Truly Long H50 Fic that I was already talking about way back in October last year is also eternally “in progress”. The thing is that it has about 25k now, after a year, and I think it needs... at least four times that. Probably. So either I’ll have to stick with this fandom and my slow progress for another three years to have a shot at getting it finished, or I’ll need to find a way to up the speed a little. Maybe I could try working on it for NaNo this November? That would be pretty awesome, but honestly, part of why it’s moving this slowly is because NaNo-style fast and messy writing for this scares me a little, because I might end up writing a lot, decide it’s not what I wanted for it, and become too intimidated to ever edit and/or rewrite the entire thing. But idk, I probably just need to get over my own fears, because I really do want to write Longer Fic again. Short stuff is fun and feels really productive and that’s great, but I miss the actual slow burn and build-up that only 50k+ words can give you.

Coming Soon: Hopefully a lot? For h50, that is. I have no idea what’s getting posted next, because I’m never entirely sure what’s going to be finished next and something really random might come jumping in, but at the moment I’m trying to direct most of my energies at a slightly longer fic I’ve been working on for months (not The Long Fic, a different one), a fic labeled “9.01 memory loss fic”, another one temporarly entitled “Perfect Kauai beach house vacation”, and maybe an ace!Steve fic I’ve been working on, if I ever manage to uh, actually finish that, instead of rewriting three sentences during every round of editing and never actually adding anything to fill in the gaps it still has. There will also be more season 10 codas, in all likelihood.

Do You Accept Prompts: I’ve never done that before in the traditional way, but I’m thinking about it! I’d love to try (and it would be a breath of fresh air, in some ways!), but the main thing holding me back is that I have way too much on my plate with just my own ideas to work off of, and I don’t want to disappoint people. Maybe if I do drabble-ish prompt fills? It’s definitely been on my mind.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: I’m excited for a lot of stuff, but honestly, the top spot right now probably goes to the ace!Steve fic. I’m not even sure it’s that good, necessarily, but it’s, idk, really cathartic, I suppose. Seriously self-indulgent in strange but very good ways. I really like writing it. (Second spot goes to the beach vacation fic, because I haven’t actually written that much for it, but it’s been my go-to easy happy place for the last few weeks.)

I’m tagging @love2hulksmash @thekristen999 @stephmcx @girlonastring @flowerfan2 and @pterawaters, which is six people because I can’t count, but I’m about to make it seven because I’m also tagging you, the person reading this (hi there!). Say I tagged you and tag me so I can read it! I know that kind of thing can feel awkward, but it won’t be, because I’m cheering you on. Go for it, if you want to do it. :D

#tagged in #writing #*#question: [requires maybe two words to be answered]#me: [writes two lengty paragraphs]#i guess that also tells you something about what kind of writer i am

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aintnouseofpretending · 5 years

Text

Uncool. University AU, Queen fan fiction. (John Deacon x Tomboy!Reader)

For now, it can be read as a one-shot—as it was originally intended. If someone is interested in this to continue, please let me know! 😊😊

Warning: Cursing, fluff, a bit slow burn?

+ ———— - ———— + ———— - ———— + ———— - ———— + ———— -

It's a fantastic drowse in the afternoon Sunday. Nothing beats hanging out with your friends, smoking, eating pizzas, and tuning to some heavy metal and rocks on the college parking lot; especially, after your midterm exam. It’s not much of being glad the torturing is over, more of you know you nail the exam after studying hard, like the usual. Feels awesome still. But just hanging out isn’t the reason you all here. There’ll be more headbanging later tonight, one of the local metal band is coming to shake the building; whilst waiting, you and your gang are enjoying the quality and fun times together.

“Yo, y/n!”

One of your male classmates came, bringing more foods and forcing three people you don’t know to carry it when both his hands are free.

“How’s it, Dave?” You return the greetings with a handshake and hug. “Care to introduce your new mates?”

Dave points at a girl with long brown hair and purple streaks. She wears black leather spiked jacket atop of her purple tank, complementing her style with tight leather pants and black ankle boots. She also wears thick makeup that makes her face says "fuck you" to anyone it greets. You like her already.

“Jess Gun, call her G. Music student. Jess, this is y/n, our top dog. Mech like most of us.”

“Take a piss, Dave.” But you still take the compliment as you give G a warm handshake.

“How’s it, y/n.”

Then Dave points at a tall and large man. The man proudly showed off his brand new tan, covered in tonnes of tattoos by wearing only thin black sleeveless graphic metal band tee. The common theme of the night; leather pants and black ankle boots. But he’s much more complete with spiked armbands, bracelet, and chain necklace.

“This is Charles C. C stands for Colossal.”

Not surprising that C carried the most out of their raids, so you stopped him when he tries to pass it somewhere or to someone just so he can give you a handshake. Dave tap C’s shoulder, told him to move, uncovering the next new dog for the pack. Someone you didn’t quite expect to look for tonight’s occasion.

“This is John Deacon, Mr D. Ace of the electrics.”

“Just call me, John.” Say the man calmly with a much softer voice. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too…” You return, quite astounded by his symmetrical, handsome, princely features.

For some passerby, it might look like Dave bullies John and force him to carry around his things. And that might be correct, John stands out the most in your group; with his plaid brown shirt, light blue jeans, and a black tight vest. His kind, friendly downturned eyes don’t help either. Feels like looking down at a small puppy as a big black alpha. But lo and behold, he’s also into some deafening and blaring as his past time. Wait, is he?

“Big fan of the Devil’s Fork?” You ask him a bit later after the foods he’s carrying was savaged by your friends.

“Haven’t heard them yet, so I’m not sure. What do you think?”

What begins as your attempt to unfold a bit of mystery surrounding him and following your weird instinct to protect the poor puppy; ends with you blabbering about your obsession over the band—their unique harmonies, intense riffs, and sick styles. You even just noticed that despite his looks that perfectly fit how Dave describes him, he joins you as you power through your Marlboro, leaving nothing for the night. And that was your last pack too.

“Mind continuing whilst we walk to store?” You ask him as you check for your funds. Enough for another pack.

“Okay.”

Nope. The band black van that's showing off their logo on the sides—a small gremlin-like devil holding an oversized red flamming fork in exaggerated art style,—just parked right next to your pick-up truck.

“Well, that’s unlucky.”

“I will run and buy a pack before the gig starts if you’d like.” He says, somehow a bit guilty.

“Nah, mate, I will collect these peasants’ tax. Getting us more of a selection till morning.”

“It's okay. I’m good for today.” He smiles.

From behind him, Dave slaps his shoulder and practically shake the man; he yelped in a very high pitch voice, almost make you burst out laughing. You didn't blame him when he hit Dave's shoulder in return.

“D warmed up to ya’ quick, y/n. As expected.” Dave let out a hearty laugh. “Not many can do that to him. Or maybe that’s because you two are our top rank dweller? Can finally speak in your higher-intelligent language?”

You jokingly kick Dave away and he joins, pretending to be running away from his life, as John—and some that overhear Dave’s remark—laugh at your shenanigan. You hope John didn’t notice you staring at him; amidst the chaos that is Dave munching some arse-whooping from you. You savoured his shockingly cute laugh and face. No. You wish it was forever, so you can admire him to your heart content…

Well, crap.

You just met and you’re crushing hard on him already?

Wouldn't be the first time.

It won’t last long like the others. You assure yourself, tangling your arm on his shoulder as if you’re his old friend. Understanding boundaries and someone else personal space were not one of your strong suits; you get in a whole lot of problems that turn things awkward, but you’ll exploit that fact to get even closer to John.

“But, Dave’s right. You’re gonna have fun with us. And with me, mate.” You say, confidently.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

When you think it’s not possible for a man to be any more charming and stunning, he proved you wrong by just smiling a bit wider.

“I will personally guarantee it.”

***

“Fuck my life.” You sighed after Deacy left your home. You practically let your body fall on the couch as you put your palm on your chest. “What the fuck is going on with me…”

It has been several months since you have attended the best college gig. The same day Dave introduces you to John. You did promise to give John a good time—and it’s a hell of a good time for you and your friends as well. Even John tell you to call him Deacy—or Deaky? He never wrote it down,—the privilege that was only given to you. That might also the reason why your crush now develops into actual feelings.

“Absolutely. Not because he comes here almost every day. All studying together, rocking to music, the fact he makes cool riffs, shred his guitar, and even taught me how to play them…”

You talked to yourself in an attempt to calm down. It works. Partially. You scratch your head furiously and rolled about. Angry that you knew you catch the feelings, but mind goes on thinking it was not a big deal, that it’ll soon be gone. Only when you fall down the couch face first, your decision was made; you will be upfront about it, you will show him your interest. Then, when he returns them warmly, you will do a sneak attack, and ask him to be your boyfriend! Perfect! Maybe then you’ll figure out your feelings more?

“Fuck the tradition.” You exclaimed as you get up. “Says who I can’t woo and pamper my man?”

And so you did. At first, it was very subtle; longer physical contact, purposeful stare, spending more time with him, wearing things he likes, giving him gifts that he likes, listening to even the most curious of his nonsense when he’s drunk. Then it escalates slowly but surely, you have constructed a plan to ask him out to places he likes; arcades, music shop, buy him movies ticket, buy him tickets to concerts. You never fail the dates. And of course, you’re getting even bolder to the point that hugs that used to make your body numb, head empty, heart pounding, feels much too normal now. Occasional holding hands after college or hanging out. Cuddling when watching movies at your house, in front of your friends, even.

But what about him? How does he react? Is it warm enough yet for you to ask him out? You can’t tell. There might be a slight change, but you really can’t see it. It’s always you that initiate physical contacts, even for just a hug. He asks you out to hang, but never to his house, or even special places; just for shopping, to cafes, arcades, library, something very casual. Almost every dates now you try to kiss him, and every time too, somehow, he deflected it as if you purposely closing your eyes and get your face close to him with your award-winning kissy face was just an accident.

“That happens by the end of every date!” You mutter to yourself, burying your face in your palms. “What the hell did I do wrong? Don’t make it clear enough? What do you think, G?”

G stares at you whilst chewing on her gum and smoke at the same time. Now it’s almost on every date too that you drag G and told her your tales of woe. Although you’re paying for her foods, you can clearly see that it doesn’t matter anymore. She’s fed up and well-fed—apparently, she gained a lot of weight because of you.

“Fucking tell him you love him.” Her words came out like venom. “Ask him to be your boyfriend. Stop being a fucking pussy about it. Don’t come to me again if you didn’t do what I said when he’s dating someone else.”

She’s right, you think. Either Deacy is extremely stupid—unlikely for an honour student that beats the crap out of you score wise, or you were never one of the options he wants and simply think your shameless boldness was because you are in fact have zero sense of personal space, and getting used to it fast. Or maybe you're the one that's a wee bit dumber than you thought about not being able to read the atmosphere well most of the times? No other choice but to find out which answer it is.

You’re trying hard to gather your courage, but now you’re still stuck, trying to solve other mysteries instead. As he stares at you, sitting on the other side of the table, eating a giant pile of expensive ice cream quite seriously. Waiting.

You asked him out to an ice cream cafe a week after your date with G, and G said when someone is happy, they tend to give more positive feedbacks, reactions, whatever; because you use that trick and charm her to fatten herself up. It most likely works on him too. Of course, it will be like normal hangout after class, you never miss a day when taking him to places, even if they might be just a small store. It’ll be a hundred per cent chance that he thought today will be normal like thousandth days before. The surprise factor might contribute.

Excellent.

But you’re running out of time; Deacy is powering through the ice cream like it was nothing. If you keep on failing, he might end up like G. Not that it'll affect your feelings towards him.

You took a deep breath.

“Deacy.”

“Yes?”

And there it goes all the courage you have collected for the past ten minutes. Shattered completely as he stopped the scooping mid-way to his mouth.

“See. That’s what happens when you let cats get into your mind. When your guard is lowered, thinking they’re just small creatures that can do you no harm; they took the chance and get your tongue.” He says, then continues eating.

“I am sorry, good sir. But I am willingly and consciously serve my tongue for their enjoyment. Speaks nothing but praise. And they’re very pleased, so they return it.”

He gave out a very monotone gasp.

“They’ve got my best friend under their control. I must go on a journey to find the materials so I can create the machine to reverse the effect of their alien-like ability.”

“She’s your best friend? How sweet, oh, puny mortal. But there’ll be a legion of our army that’ll stop you. By the time your machine is done, she’ll forever be gone. Nothing and no one can save her.”

"A hero will never give up. With the power of friendship, love, and bravery, I will not let anything stops me."

Usually, the odd banter lasts longer and gets weirder by the minutes, to the point that both of you forgot of what you two are previously doing or talking. But this time it doesn't work. What you expected was that you'll just magically drop the L-bomb in between the exchange. Instead, that thought makes you aware of the possibility and suddenly words were lost.

"Y/n? You okay?"

"Yeah. Things get progressively harder to overcome."

"Our made up stories, exam, or something else?"

"Something else."

"What is it?"

You're extremely frustrated by how easy it is to continue talking when it’s just jokes or normal trivial conversations. But when it comes to serious business, you suddenly have no power to speak...

Then you get an idea.

"I got a joke. Knock knock."

"Okay? Who's there?"

"Will you."

"Will you who?"

"Will you be my boyf—."

"There you are! Always leaving us with the dust! Not this time, mate!"

After the initial shock that quite visibly makes you—and Deacy—jumped, you immediately throw your spoons at Dave and his friends that suddenly came. Pouting and fidgeting in your seat in silent anger as they approach you.

“How’s it, mate?”

“Shove those spoons right up your arse!”

It makes you even angrier that no one seems to care about why you’re very angry being disturbed. Not even Deacy himself, as he joins the others and laughs at you and Dave’s yet another antic when you keep hitting him as he tries to sit next to you. You ended up sitting next to Deacy after kicking the other boys that previously sat there.

“That’s his fucking food. I paid it specifically only for him. Shoo!” You yell again at some of the boys that try to put their spoon in Deacy’s ice cream. Slapping them like flies. “The waitress is coming back, buy your own!”

“It’s okay. Do you want some too, y/n? You did pay for it.”

It’s pretty clear that Dave can’t stop staring at the both of you when Deacy keeps on feeding you ice cream before you can even say yes or no. There’s something in the metalhead's eyes that makes you feel a bit uncomfortable. Though you did feel a little bad, he’s used to be the one that receives your attention the most, now you can’t even remember the last time both of you hang in a college gig.

“How long have you two been dating?” Dave asked, almost makes you jump in a surprise.

Deacy answered in lightning. “No no no. We’re not dating. I’m not sure we fit each other. I think I only pair with shy girls...”

There’s a sharp pain in your chest when you hear that. You stare at Deacy that’s not even giving you a side-glance after hearing such question. Does he even think about your relationship at all? It’s not even one year, wouldn’t that makes him question why you seem to not only clingy and protective of him, but also very forward? Or does he thinks that’s just how you really are?

“Not the first time you’re rejected like that huh.” Dave jokes.

“Go fuck yourself, David.”

You try your best to repress people’s laugh when they still think this is just the usual friend-insulting-friend jeer. But when you didn't join, the sounds quickly dies down, replaced with conversation and the sound of clanking. You want to change seat so bad; being too close with Deacy right now is very uncomfortable, after he straight up rejecting—well, softly saying he’s not into you. Eventually, you let the pang of pain in your heart submerged by the busy sounds of people talking, spoons clinking, and bustling streets as you play with your freshly ordered strawberry cheesecake. Never really a fan of sweet stuff, you think.

But I need it. Hell of a rejection.

One spoonful almost makes you cringe, but you chew them anyway, enjoying the sweetness in the now duller ambience. Has it always been this orange-ish brown in this cafe? Huh, this is the first time you noticed how warm this place feels. Maybe that’s why both you and Deacy always the frequent here. Whenever you are here with him, it’s always fun. Would it stay the same once your feeling is gone?

This one will go away too. Not the first time.

You hope it’ll be fast this time. Just another heartbreak. Not a big deal. You’ll move on, and Deacy will be like Dave, one of the lads that reject you from being a tad too tomboyish for their taste. You wonder will the next love ended up the same? You hope not.

***

“You look like shit.”

“No shit, mate.”

The gal just cut her hair short and now fully coloured it purple, as per your suggestion, and she looks great. C also think so and accepted G’s confession. You’re happy for them. Very happy. And wish that it’s just happy, and not incredibly envious feelings about her moving on fast from being rejected by Dave. Because of your misery from last rejection, that’s far before G is forcing you to start hooking her up with Dave. And right now G is about to celebrate her four months relationship with C.

That’s also why you are here. To cover G’s shift in the electronic shop G hook you in. As thanks for helping you get a job when you quit the car repair shop right after you see John flirts with one of the regular customer’s daughter. Cute girl, a wee bit younger, long blonde hair and blue eyes, always wear a bright coloured dress. Well, you have to admit, she’s very gorgeous. And one more thing; she does look like a perfect fit for Deacy. But that’s not what makes you immediately call the manager and formed your magnificent bullshit reason to quit. It was when she calls him Deacy.

“Hello?” G snapped her fingers again in front of you.

“What?”

“I’m going? But now I’m not sure that I should, with you like that taking care of the shop. You’re already on your second warning, y/n. Are you really okay if I leave?”

“Go on ahead, mate. C’s waiting.” You push her out the door. “I will be fine, it was just a couple hours. Worse case I will be zapped dead repairing Mrs Carla’s TV. Have fun!”

You purposely laugh out loud to make sure she buys your bullshit and didn’t stop until she’s out of the shop’s front. You slumped down a chair near the cashier and starts flipping the magazine you just bought; hopefully, it can kill the bore and the sadness. Alas, you bought a guitar magazine, and all you can think is now John. He invades your mind like he owns the place, jumped on the couch and start ordering you to listen on how important he is to your heart and soul. How you’re a queen that sits on a throne of liar for denying the truth that you missed him so much. This is the first time this happens. It was never like this, even with Dave—and you meet the dude almost everyday afterwards,—you moved on from him quick as lightning. But why? Why with Deacy—John?

What the fuck is going on with me?

It’s the same question you asked when you first realised how deep you have fallen for him. And then he rejected you softly, you try to drift a bit apart from him so you can move on and swoon on someone else. A cooler dude, perhaps, that’s just as cute, and as awesome as John when he shreds his guitar. But that never happened. You keep on staring at John and only John. His laugh always makes your heart warmer. A simple gesture like when he asks you out and helps you carry your project to the cafe. It’s not only the good, but the bad part also happens; you’re now very much aware when John uses his softer tone whilst talking to another girl, or how kind he is with them. He might just be friends with them, but it pains you so much to see it. Then you start making more distance, hanging more with your old pack. But then the arsehole Dave says that he saw John hang with this one particularly pretty redhead from another college.

“She’s all shy and cute. They look like a real couple, you know. But when you and D’s hang, you look like you’re bullying him.”

“Piss off, Dave.”

And that might be true. You always force yourself on him. Drags him places. What if all this time he’s saying yes not because he likes spending time with you? That he just doesn’t want to hurt you if he says no? You did say you are bad at reading people and knowing what the hell is going on sometimes. It is almost a year you slowly stopped hanging with John, and not once did John approach you, nor did many—which is a lot—of your mutuals mention John’s looking for you. Even worse, the one time they mention John, it’ll always be about him having a new girl holding hands with him. Maybe all this time you are just delusional?

Even so, you have tried your darndest to forget about him since his rejection. You tell your friends about your sadness—G, mostly, poor her—it doesn’t work. You try to pour it in form of letters and later burn them. As the fire is ablaze, so is your love towards him, so that also doesn’t work. C suggest you to make it into a poem, he said it helps him, he even sang them in gigs and people loves it. And you do it—not the sing in front of people part, just the poem. It’s still a fruitless effort. And your score took the brunt of it. You have been nothing but stressed, even more so knowing the final exam is near. You haven’t been studying.

“Good work today.” Say your coworker. “You know, if you’re sick, you should just tell Gun you can’t cover her shift.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been on autopilot.” Yet another bullshit excuse. “Exam, you know. But I will manage. Thanks for worrying about me.”

“I don’t. But getting you fired when we have many stuff still needs fixing is like shooting oneself in the foot.”

“Aw, geez, May, I’m fine! Don’t kill yourself worried like that!” You slap the lanky man’s shoulder. Damn, he’s tall. “If you keep it up like that, I might fall for you, and that might be a problem.”

“How so?” He challenges.

“One man making me miserable is enough. I can’t have you rejecting me as well. This lady only has one heart after all.”

He fell silent. Whoops, your jokes might go too far, or he simply couldn’t care less. But as you grab your jacket and get ready to be sorrowful again on your way home, May joins you.

“Going to the store?” He asks awkwardly. “You know, all that smokes will kill you someday.”

“It can’t come any sooner.” You joke again as you puff one. “I mean, sure, if you meant by the store is my house as well, you’re very much welcome, mate. Need some witness for my pity party.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, y/l/n. Don’t just give up on love just because of several guys happens to see less agressi—more composed girls.”

“Hah. At least you admit they're not up for the adventure. You’re right, they’re missing out big time; when I am committed to someone, I will love them with the entirety of it. But well, maybe that’s why I’m so bloody depressed right now.”

He looked at you softly. His hands are twitching, but then he put it in his pockets.

“You’ll find there are many men in your life that’s close to you, and the right one for you might just be around the corner.”

“He can’t come any sooner.”

The walk is a bit uneventful from that onwards, just a bit of conversation. You thought he was just bitter and hates fun—the way G describes him, but he’s cool. He knows a couple of good rock and metal bands, attended some, in fact, which makes you a bit curious whether you have met him before or not. Although you thank Brian May for making you forget about John even just for a bit by promising to buy him tea one day and in the end he tells you good luck on your exam. And, hmm, he's a bit cute? And you particularly like his kinky hair.

But as you arrive home, in an instant, your head and heart instantly switches back on thinking and feeling your love for John. The room is cold and empty. How you wish, somehow, John was here, waiting for you as he makes you both teas. Last year, today will be a horror movie night. You’ll play the guitar together, or some scribble, or heck, you’re close with final exam, both of you would most likely studying right now. You will bring home cheesecake from keeping him waiting.

And I did.

It is just a an empty wish for him will be here as impossible it is. But you still bought home two cheesecakes when you can’t even finish one. It was one of his favourite food. It’s too sweet for you, but you will gladly eat one with him. Now what should you do with two cheesecake? Call Dave to come? He used to be in John’s place after all, but it was a very long time ago. May? Even for someone as shamelessly bold as you, you know that’s a bad idea. Or maybe not?

But why? Why can’t I just be alone?

Because you know why, yet you dare not admit how much you miss John. How much you love him. Tears start welling up on your eyes. You know why you can’t forget about him; all the smallest hints that reminded you of him is everywhere. Cheesecakes, cafes, electronics, your house, horror movies, studying... And the acoustic guitar that you bought specifically so he can teach you how to play it, the more excuse for you to invite him to your house. Without you even realised, you grab the guitar and you sit on the terrace. Then you sing. Sing to your heart content. You don’t care how ear wrenching it is to listen to your own voice that breaks everywhere, and not to mention false. But you keep on singing and strumming the guitar with the only notes you’ve learnt. You wish to scream to your heart content.

I have suffered, but the love stays. If I can’t forget, then please, please, allow me to cherish my dreams. For without it I might die. For without it, for without him; I have no more reason to live.

“Please... I still love him... I missed him... I—.”

You are wide-eyed when you see a dark figure standing on the street, facing you. Maybe it’s just someone a bit disturbed and/or petrified by your awful symphony. But, no. It has to be him. Just as wide-eyed as you. Perhaps he has been that way? Or maybe you both spooked each other? Has he been there the whole time? Watching your dramatic blue moment; the snots and tears, voice cracks, and shit guitar skill?

Fantastic. He’s head over heels from the sight.

You wiped your tears with your t-shirt as you put down the guitar. The man is still there, and so you approach him, pretended nothing happened. You always know how to deflect with jokes, so you’re confident.

“O-oh, hi, John. What you got there?”

Not so confident... As you get closer, you can see his appearance clearer; even more handsome than the one in your mind. He wears that particular worn out button up shirt that you bought him as his birthday present long ago, the same dark blue jeans he wore the night you two met, and his school bag. But what caused you to ask is the same carton bag you get when you bought the two cheesecakes just now.

“How’s it?” You ask again, find it a bit rude not asking it after a long time no see. But you say it as you reach the carton bag. He pulled it away slightly from your hand.

“I’m... Good. How are you? Are you alright?”

“Where have you been, D? Don’t get a final exam in your college? Lucky.”

“Ah, every engineering students’ wet dream.” He joins. “It wouldn’t be counted as lucky. My college is on the planet Mercury.”

“Shame. I could not wish more than for your college to give you lots of exams once you get back. But, surely you have seen me. Undoubtedly, a human like me can’t resist the fiery passion, just like everyone else, when it comes to the final exam.”

“I don’t think it’ll be much of a blazing flame for the two of us.” He says as he hides the carton bag behind his back, forcing you to face him.

“Oh, absolutely not! Who ugly cries and screamed like a dying cat that actually is fine from the inside? They do. But certainly not me, excuse me for doing it ironically. How about you, fine sir?” You raised your hands in frustration and also to add to your dramatic statement, at the same time, distancing yourself away from him. Your heart is pounding like mad being that close.

“What happened, y/n? Are you really okay? I haven’t seen you for so long, it’s very worrying.”

“Oh, it’s a perfectly adequate! I have a crush on you, it turned serious. Ask you out, invade your personal space. Turns out I’m not your type. You know, blah blah blah, the common gossip. Now, what you got there? Cake? If it’s not for someone else, might I have it? To be honest, I am very hungry.”

There’s a small victory noise you make when you catch the bag and stole it from him. But as you check what’s inside, you take a peek at him only to find him covering his mouth with his hand; his face is bright red, eyes smiling, and eyebrows sky-high on his forehead. You feel as if your entire being is a firework, blasting through the air and exploding in bright colours when you realise why he’s like that.

“E-exam fried your brain, mate. Your sarcasm detector is rusty.” You say, try not to be too happy; you might be wrong.

“Most definitely. And I will just let you insult your way out of your own fake confession, you know, like a cunt that I am. To keep deflecting your obvious and incredible attempt at seducing a man. Thinking I was too uncool to be your boyfriend. You’re right, just another common fucking gossip.”

Now, you’re actually blasting off. You jumped in surprise when he yells that. He never yelled at you; hell, you never hear him raise his voice, even though he curses a lot too sometimes. But this time he full-blown raise his voice to almost the screaming level, especially when the colour of his face could match a ripe tomato, showing a very visible sign that he’s angry you still can joke about it. About your feelings.

But no words were uttered after that; you’re a silent statue, cheeks red, eyes wide, mouth’s open. Whilst he twiddles about, walking, trying to find something as he covers his mouth still, calming himself down. Hoping there’s a shovel he could use to dig himself a grave. Both of your heart is about to detonate, but you’re used to it at this point.

“Mate, if you’re not serious, know there’ll be consequences. And you wouldn’t like it.” You say with gritted teeth; from holding back your almost spilt feelings of joy.

He takes a quick step towards you, it’s also very clear he’s holding back his smile. He retorts out of habit; “what sort of punishment awaits me if I’m guilty your honour?”

In an instant, you grab his hips and get you body practically touches his; feeling his chest raise and fall, and his heart that’s beating also has hard as yours. You screamed in your mind for not thinking, and now you feel like passing out from the blood that’s rushing to your head.

“I will crush you and kill you with my love, and hugs, and kisses, and cuddles—everything. Don’t make me buy us engagement rings. So, until you plead guilty; that you are absolutely serious.”

John can no longer hold his smile. His eyes’ basically twinkling stars. Cheeks pinkier than the electronic store’s neon sign.

“Then I plead guilty.”

He cupped your cheeks and pushes his lips on yours. You closed your eyes, savouring the sweet taste of his mouth—it taste like cheesecake! He ate one before you that bastard! You punishes him by not letting him let go to breath. After couple more seconds that you wish were forever, you finally part lips.

“You are a demon!” He exclaimed, voice breaking as he wipes his lips with the back of his hand. But he’s smiling wide.

“Oh you have no idea, and in fact, I could show you more if you’d like?” You say cheekily as you encircle him like a hungry shark.

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“I will personally guarantee it.”

And you both smiled as your hand's links.

End (?).

+ ———— - ———— + ———— - ———— + ———— - ———— + ———— -

Omfg, it’s been long time since I write a reader-insert fan fiction, so writing this kinda makes me blush, especially at the end 😳😳😳😵😵

I really hope you enjoy it! There’s a big potential for this particular Tomboy!Reader’s story to be broadened into a serial, although I’m not sure if I can do it now since I have to study for final exam. But if anyone want to know about it, please let me know! 😉

One more thing! Feel free to request imagines or one-shots! :D

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wesker20 · 5 years

Text

Fallen Hero 1.5 Episode 4: Memories

Several Years Ago: Plaza de Cataño, Puerto Rico. 6:40pm

“Beta, you have eyes on the target?”

“Affirmative. He’s in the plaza,” you answered to Alpha, sitting relaxed while you followed the target with your eyes: a Puerto Rican in his early thirties. He was part of another dissident group decrying boosts and the hero drug, one of their top members. Normally they were ignored but lately they had taken to blowing up pharmaceuticals and murdering boosted and people who defended the boosted.

“Zeta, any others around?” Alpha asked in her usual neutral demeanor, always focused whenever on a mission.

“Nothing so far,” Zeta responded, the teleporter of the group and eagle’s eyes. Because of his abilities, he was normally the one to scout and run reconnaissance of an area. Not a single thing escaped him.

“Kappa, have you managed to close the distance?”

“Negative, crowd’s getting in the way,” she responded. Kappa, the only blue one on the team as she can turn invisible. Normally the one to get the closest to your targets, or even abduct them. But alas, Marcos Rodriguez chose a perfect time to get out. It was the local festivities and the plaza was full.

“Roger that. Beta move in, I’ll meet you when you catch up with him.”

“Roger that,” you answer and stand up. You put on a ‘Get out of my way aura’ and as you got close to the many people, they obeyed the telepathic command.

He stopped at a local shop to buy some food. You stopped, keeping a distance, but he seemed to notice. He began walking faster. You groaned and began moving too.

“Alpha, we got a problem. I think he saw me.”

“Roget that. Corner him.”

“Understood. I’ll guide him to an alley deeper into town and away from the crowd.”

“I’ll meet you there. Over and out.”

You picked up your pace as he did the same and soon anybody who had even glimpsed could have noticed that you were chasing him. Thanks to the festivities however, they didn’t seemed to. You told Zeta to make sure to block any escape routes he could have taken and slowly he took the streets you wanted him to take. But still he was outrunning you, even with your aura people could not get out of the way fast enough. You remember cursing under your breath and wondering where the hell Alpha was.

Finally you got him into a lone street and just as he was about to turn on a corner a figure appeared at the end and grabbed him by the throat with little effort. That was Alpha, super strong and durable. She has boasted that she can lift a skyscraper though you’ve never seen her do it so you have your doubts. Then again she never boasts without having the means to back it up so you never rule it out either.

“Got you smart guy,” she said as she pushed him against a wall. She was wearing a jacket and long jeans, and had her red hair on a ponytail. A smirk adorned her face.

You step in beside her with a softer smirk looking at your target and say “You are coming with us Mr. Rodriguez.”

Small house owned by the Prime Directive branch of P.R. 8:00pm

Zeta finished tying up the man while Kappa stayed on guard outside. Alpha ordered him to go accompany Kappa while you and her remained in the room with the man.

“Váyanse pal carajo demonios. No les voy a decir nada,” he said in his most pissed off tone. You rolled your eyes at the comment.

“How much are you going to need with him?” Alpha asked calm and unworried.

“Two, three hours tops. That should be enough to rip the information out,” you answered with a bit of cockiness.

Alpha put a hand on your shoulder and said “Alright, I’ll go take a nap. Let me know when you are done.” You nodded, never taking your eyes off of the man.

“No te me peges demonio. ¿Me oiste? No te me pegues,” he screamed with all his strength.

“Nadie va a escucharte. Así que ¿por qué no haces esto más fácil y te callas?” You told him with little care. He did not listened of course, and kept screaming until you punched him and knocked him. Right then and there you began your job, snooping in his mind, seeking for the actual target, his brother Jeremy Rodriguez. The two brothers were the current leaders for the “Los guardians de la humanidad,” terrorist group. Marcos branch operated here in P.R. Normally the prime directive doesn’t bother too much here even though they have a base, but when the older brother went to the main country, specifically to Los Diablos, and began expanding the branch of the group there and causing mayor problems, he and his younger brother here became targets. You were seeking for the location of Jeremy and take him out, that was your mission.

10:30pm

“He’s deeper into the municipality, in the neighborhood called “Amelia.”” You said to the hologram of your handler, Vanessa Trevor and Dr. Frank Borg, your creator. Alpha stood beside you, hands behind her back.

“That’s a risk,” Trevor said, one hand on the chin. Indeed it was, any slip up could devolve the chase into a fight, one that could spread through the neighborhood and cause some casualties.

As you were about to add to that Alpha moved forward towards the hologram and said “Not for us Ma’am. We can get in and get out before anybody knows we are there.”

You looked at her and she looked back with a smirk and a wink. She was always one step ahead in a conversation even when she was not speaking, you envy that but like her all the more because of it.

Mrs. Trevor stays with one hand on her chin and the other one on her shoulder while thinking things through. Although anybody else would have ordered you to proceed, she prefers to not risk you unnecessarily. “Maybe we could, but it still risky.”

“Then we send in reinforcements,” you heard another voice say and a man in his fifties entered the hologram projection. General Franklin Slyther, in all his uniformed, medal covered, annoying glory. “IE squad, prepare for the arrival of extra units.”

Mrs. Trevor turns to talk to him and say “General that would simply escalate the risks even more.”

“Jeremy Rodriguez has evaded capture for too long and needs to be apprehended immediately. I believe the risks are worth it.”

Just then Alpha spoke out. “With all due respect General, they are not. My team has better possibilities on our-“

“Mrs. Trevor tell your unit to remain silent until it is addressed,” he said in his frustrating dismissing tone. So frustrating in fact you could not hold back and decided to step in. But just as you did Trevor looked at you, giving you a clear message to stand down. And you did, but both you and Alpha shared a glance that said it all; you really hate this guy.

After the debrief is over, you are told to stand by and wait for the reinforcements, receive a file on the target, and to keep the prisoner too for further interrogation of course, because nothing makes things any easier than keeping a prisoner who might try to escape alive and well. Once the hologram disappeared Alpha turned to you. Her eyes filled with sympathy. “Don’t worry about it, we’ll be fine. We always pull through,” she said in her softest tone.

You turned to her, wondering what to say. “Yeah I just wish the higher ups made our job easier instead of harder,” you finally said as you took a look at the file. A man in his later thirties, broad shoulders, probably bigger than you.

“C’mon don’t be a downer. We’ve are used to it by now,” she said as she too took a look at the file. Sadly you have.

“Point still stands.”

“Point still irrelevant.”

“You really want to do this?”

“Yep. Afraid I’ll beat you again?”

You simply chuckled at that. She does always win your little debates, normally by already knowing what you were going to say. If you didn’t know any better you’ll say she was a telepath too, but alas she simply that good at reading people.

“He sort of look like you, you know,” she said teasingly and lightly punching you on the shoulder.

“ow. Remember you have super strength. And no, he looks nothing like me. Look at those shoulders,” you said, faking offense.

“Yeah but he has that frown you always have,” she began and closed the distance between the two of you to show you. “See? Same exact frown.”

“No it isn’t. I don’t even frown,” you shot back.

“Course you do. You are always grumpy for some reason.”

“I’m not. I’m always cheerful and positive, just like you,” you said as you put on your best smile.

“Yeah, that looks totally out of place,” she shot back and began chuckling, or more like holding a laugh back.

You put on an exaggerated hurt expression and said “You are mean,” and you both laugh a bit. Then Alpha took a good look at the file and looked up again to you.

“Jeremy,” she said wondering. You put on a confused look, wondering yourself what she means. “It fits.”

“What?” you asked confused.

“Jeremy, it fits you.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Yes it does and you are sticking with it.”

“I already have a name.”

“Right because unit Beta 010 sounds so good,” she said with a sarcasm so subtle if it was a car it would awaken everyone.

“Of course it does unit Alpha 203.”

You continued arguing back and forth about it but eventually you relented. As much as you argued against it, you did like it. You’ve always wanted a name of your own, ever since you began exploring the world in your numerous missions. Though it did made you feel somewhat different from the others. The other re-genes always referred to you and each other by their unit names. It wasn’t until you were grouped with Alpha and Zeta that you felt more at home, they felt the same way somewhat, and so you three began calling one another by your series name, as a way to distinguish yourselves. That and you three really found it annoying saying your full names all the time.

“Fine but don’t say it in front of General a-hole ok? We don’t need another rant like the last one,” you told her, remembering one time where the two of you decided to have a small shooting competition. The general noticed and began ranting how we “weapons” shouldn’t have any sense of that, right up until he was reminded that you answered to Mrs. Trevor not him.

“Oh don’t worry about it. Even if he did he can’t do jack shit about it.”

“Alright, I’ll go check on the others.” You make your goodbyes and you head to search for Zeta first. Wondering how he is. Zeta 034 He’s normally a bit more shy and closed off than you were, but just like you he has opened up a bit while with the rest of you. You finally find him in the balcony staring into the night.

“Weren’t you supposed to be with Kappa standing guard?” you asked curious.

“Wha- oh right, yes, I was. But she said that my breathing was distracting.”

Right, you forgot that her senses were a bit more heightened. “Oh well. How you doing?”

“I’m… fine. Just staring out here.”

You move in beside him. “Staring at what?”

“Everything. Everybody.”

You looked at him with sympathy, knowing that that’s how you used to spend some of your days. Although you did not have eyes that could look as far as an eagle like he does. “What can you see?”

“There’s a dog smelling some trash. A group of people sit in front of a house on the sidewalk,” he said rather matter of fact.

“Damn, wish I could see that far.”

“It’s not that great to be honest. Just… normal? I think.”

You chuckled a bit and said “Seeing several hundred miles ahead is normal to you?”

“Well, obviously not. But compared what you guys can do-“

“Give it a rest. I’m the most unimpressive guy here. At least you can teleport around,” you said jokingly, though truthfully. You may be one of the few telepaths in the Farm, but it’s nothing compared what the others can do. One on one you’ll lose against any of them. In fact you have already lost several times against Alpha in spars. She isn’t just a super strong unmovable object; she’s a wicked good fighter. “By the way,” you began looking to change the subject. “How does it feel? To teleport I mean?”

“Well, it sort feels like nothing, you know. I look at or think about a place, and then I just appear there.”

You looked at him with curiosity. “Really? No alternate dimension or anything in between?”

He looked at you confused and said “Eh no. Why would you think that?”

You wave it away. It was just the first thing that came to mind. You both remain silent for a couple of minutes before you finally decide to leave Zeta to his sightseeing. With a goodbye you head to the roof to find Kappa sitting. Kappa 331, Unlike the rest of you, Kappa is the normal blue Re-gene, in fact she was birthed that way. You don’t know her reasons but Mrs. Trevor asked for her to be transferred to your unit late in your training.

“I told Zeta his breathing was distracting. And although you have much better control of it, I can still hear it,” she said in her normal emotionless tone.

“Yet you never said a thing about it while we hunted down Lord Destroyer back in Los Diablos,” you retorted. Out of the three, Kappa was the one you shared the most sensibilities with. You were both cautious and hated going into a fight blind. You two were also the stealthiest of the group, although she has you beaten by the simple fact she can turn invisible. Despite all of that though, she tends to be secluded and aloof for some reason, always looking distant.

“I did mention you are more in control of it.”

“Don’t worry I just came here for a short talk.”

“You always come for a short talk and end up taking more time than that.”

You held your hand on your chest in mocked offense and said “I’m hurt,” and went on to sit beside her. You barely noticed but you saw a small smile on her before she came back to being serious. “So, how are things up here?”

“Quiet. No sign of intruders.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m operating at one hundred percent.”

“Not what I meant, and you know it.”

She took a deep breath, a sign that she is about to unload and drop the Re-gene talk. “I’m fine Beta. Really.”

“Why do you always do that? speak like the others I mean.”

“Because that’s what I am,” she answered almost sadly. For as long as you have known her she tries to keep it professional but fails miserable, whether with Alpha or with you. Yet she kept trying for some reason. “That’s what we all are.”

“Don’t know if I agree with that. You didn’t see me when I was growing up, surrounded by all of them.”

“You were created with the express purpose of infiltrating, of mixing in with the crowd. I wasn’t. I was just another unit to be used in the wars.”

You stared at her curiously, wondering what she’s getting at. “What do you mean?”

“It means I was… simple. Didn’t had any doubt, any fear. I simply did my job. But as soon as I was repurposed I began feeling all of these… emotions. I don’t know how to deal with them.”

“What do you feel? About all of us.”

“I… care. I… don’t know if I could move on if any of you stopped function- I mean… perished. And that could interfere with my effectiveness.”

“Does it really? Or is that what you believe?” that seems to make her think for a moment. You wonder what is so alien to her about emotions. Didn’t she have them too? If not, does that mean the others never did? But then why do you?

“ok, I’ll leave you with that.”

“See what I meant?” she said. The conversation didn’t exactly last long but you decided to roll with it.

“What can I say, I’m a talker.”

“At least not as bad as Alpha.”

At that, you tried and failed to hold a laugh back. Kappa didn’t laughed but you could see visible effort on her face to hold back her own. You are going to have to ask her how to do that one of these days. You say your goodbyes and leave to wait for the reinforcements.

12:00am

You all stood in front of the house as the unit of Re-genes arrives. When you took a good look at the leader, however, you groaned in exasperation. “Ah crap.”

“What is it?” Zeta asked you.

“It’s Delta,” you answered and both he and Kappa groaned in unison. Delta was a normal blue Re-gene under the command of the good General. He has a seemingly spotless record on missions. Problems however, are that he is as smart as a six year old child and as rigid and uptight as the general, meaning that every time you cracked a joke or said something inconsequential, he would berate you for it.

“Where’s the prisoner?” he asked Alpha with as much emotion as you have when you wake up.

“Back inside. Unconscious.”

“Understood. Get ready, three more units are on the way.”

What? Three more units? “That’s five units in total. Isn’t that excessive? Especially against a guy who’s not even a boost?” you said as you stood beside Alpha.

“We don’t question the general’s orders,” he said as if it’s supposed to be obvious.

“You should, considering this makes things a lot harder now.”

“Beta-“ Alpha began but is interrupted by Delta.

“Unit Alpha 203 keep your unit under control.”

Alpha looks at him with the scariest look you have ever seen. “My ‘unit’ has a point.” She turns back to you, her look softening “Get back inside and take the others. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.” You obey but not before giving Delta a stare.

Fifteen minutes later Alpha came into the house and gave you a long good look.

“Oh come on Alpha,” you began.

“Beta…” she dragged out the name like a mother berating her children.

“This is a covert operation. A mission that requires secrecy and they send the one guy who has the subtlety of a sledgehammer? And on top of it all they send even more?”

Just then Kappa also barged into the conversation. “I’m with Beta on this one. I don’t like criticizing my former teammates but he’s right. Delta was not made for a stealthy operation; he was made for a battle.” You don’t question the part about her saying Delta is her former teammate as you were far too focused on Delta. Surprisingly Zeta also steps into the conversation, although he stumbles a bit in his word, he pretty much stands with you and Kappa on the matter.

Finally Alpha yelled “Guys,” and you all shut up. You forgot how commanding she can be. “I know. Every single word you have said I have thought about it too. But we don’t have much choice,ok?” You all grudgingly nod.

“What’s the plan?” you asked

“Their plan,” she began, emphasizing the first word. “Is to surround the house and attack.” She opens up a holographic map of the area.

“They’ll cover all the exits and make sure no one escapes,” Kappa begins, almost as if she has already seen it. “Solid plan. Only downside is that it will be noisy, and probably alert the entire neighborhood.” It does. This was exactly your problem. Just then Alpha looked at you. You knew that look; it’s the look she gives you when she’s expecting you to figure something out. So you take a look at the map, wondering what other complication this plan could have. Think, think, surrounding and blocking all possible manner of escape is good, noisy but good. But it’s too easy. Far too easy. If they were bringing in a guy as important as this, they should be certain they can’t catch him. How to do that?

“They have a secret exit in the house,” you said as the answer comes to your mind. Of course they do, why wouldn’t they? This is their leader, and probably they already know you have his brother, so they’ll be extra careful. But that means.

“Delta’s plan wouldn’t work,” Kappa said before you did. You nodded to her and the two of you looked at a smiling Alpha.

“Yep. It’s on the bedroom under the bed,” she said nonchalantly.

You stare at her in disbelief. “You snuck into their house early, didn’t you?” She simply nods. “Sometimes I want to punch you in the face.”

“You could try, but that wrist will need a couple of weeks to heal.”

“Wasn’t he at the house?” Kappa asked.

“Sadly, no. But I do have a plan.”

You all walked closer to the map and to each other as Alpha began explaining her plan. Zeta will remain on one of the roofs, keeping an eye out and make sure Jeremy does not escape to the outside. That and to let us know when Delta decides to storm the house. Kappa and You will be the ones to go in and sneak around to find Jeremy before Delta begins his attack. Once captured, you’ll wait for the attack and as chaos rules; you’ll get out through the back where Alpha will be waiting to defend you from any henchmen that get in your way. “Basically our classic line up,” you said unsurprised. This is how you do it most of the time, or in some variation. Between your telepathic aura and Kappa’s invisibility you can both sneak into just about anything. Zeta prefers to be at distance and his eagle eyes are perfect for keeping guard. And Alpha always enjoys being the unmovable object in the back waiting for any unfortunate idiot that decides to mess with her team.

“So, you guys ready to show Delta how it’s done?”

“I’m always up for sticking it to Delta,” You responded.

“Eh, yes,” Said Zeta.

“I am,” Kappa says with an uncharacteristic smile.

Alpha smiled at all of you and said “Let’s go kick some ass then.”

#fallen hero: retribution #fallen hero #fallen hero: rebirth #fanfiction #spoilers #flashback #whole thing is a flashback #mc before being sidestep #holy crap that ended up being longer than i expected #some spanish dialogue at the beginning. if you want it translated let me know #enjoy

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admirable-mairon · 5 years

Text

Update on my life and whatnot

Some of you have asked/wondered what happened in my life and just....... How I’m holding up.

Something that’s always worked for me is to simply write everything down in a long rant post, and so that is what I will do. Both for those who are curious, but also so that I will be able to put this down without having to worry about it bombarding me in every waking moment of every day.

There will be few happy things under the cut. TW for abuse (physical and verbal), trauma, threats of self-harm and suicide, mental illness, insults and harsh language. Despite all that, I promise that the post ends on a good note

Alright so where do I begin.......

Back in April I started going on Tinder and Her - Two dating apps. Not because I was looking, per se, but because I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone and hopefully gain some form of confidence. I just wanted to try this whole ‘dating app’ thing out.

And well, it went........ It went better than I had expected. I met a person that I fell in fast love with, something that was ENTIERLY new for me. Sure, when I was together with my ex I loved him - and I still do - but I had never felt this intense... I don’t know. I had never felt anything this intense before. I both jot this down to this being my first ever girlfriend, AND the fact that I had gotten my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder earlier the same year (a really short and simplified description of that would be a lack of intuitive nuance.Emotions are either really bad or really good - not in between on a spectrum).

Fast forward and as the end of 2018 was creeping closer I had moved in with them, I had gotten myself a dog (whom I love very much still), we had a bigger apartment than before, I only have one year left at uni, they started talking about marriage, etc.....

And then, on the 28th of December 2018, my life completely shattered. They threatened to hit me and physically forced me to not leave their presence.

For clarification, my ex, and abuser, is a gender-fluid lesbian whose prefered pronouns are They, which is what I will refer to them as.

So how the hell did it all come about?

Well - My grandpa died last summer, my grandma lives in a home now, and so my mother is cleaning out their old house. Naturally, she asked me and my brother whether there were any things, furniture etc, that we wanted to keep. I said “I’m interested in at least one of those” and left it at that.

As I told them when they woke though, around noon, they immideately grew..... Intimidating. Scary. Turns I wasn’t allowed to keep that piece of furniture, and the fact that it had belonged to my grandfather “didn’t matter”. I refused to take that kind of talk, especially first thing in the morning, and told them that the discussion was over. I didn’t want to talk about it.

Once again, I was not allowed to say no. They kept going, and seeing as they ignored my verbal ‘no’, I took up my phone to scroll around and show them physically that I wouldn’t keep talking about it.... At which point they reached forward to take my phone from me.

My rapist used to do that - my latest abuser - and I reacted on instinct, and took it back. Seeing as my nails are long I accidentally scratched them, which they used against me even as I tried to apologize.

“You’re lucky I’m not like you, or I would have broken up with you now, because you hurt me physically”

“I know - I’m sorry! I panicked when you tried to take my phone!”

“Well that doesn’t matter. I didn’t try to take it, I tried to push it down. I COULD have just taken it and thrown it to the other side of the room and into a wall”

Aka I should be happy that it wasn’t worse.

Feeling REALLY unsettled now I tried to leave the bedroom, but I wasn’t allowed to. They PHYSICALLY placed themself in front of me and blocked my path, towering over me and refusing to let me leave. They physically blocked the doorway, but seeing as I’m stronger and heavier I managed to push myself out through a surge of adrenaline, and I ran to the bathroom so I could lock myself in until it was safe.

That didn’t happen. They ran after me and forced the door open, not letting me tug it closed no matter what I did. At this point I was desperate and screaming at them to leave me alone, but they refused. I didn’t get a choice in the matter. So finally I screamed what had been echoing subtly at the back of my head for weeks:

“It doesn’t feel like you want a girlfriend - It feels like you just want a servant!”

And that is when they raised their hand in a clear threat to hit me. They did so twice, and I was deadly afraid at this point. I screeched at them to leave me alone and all they did was keep repeating the phrase:

“What’s wrong with you? Why do you always exaggerate?”

They also physically tried to shut me up by pushing a finger onto my mouth, and I was desperate and pumped with adrenaline at that point. But I wasn’t just scared - I was also angry. Beyond angry - I was blindingly furious.

I don’t remember why atm, but they suddenly started crying about the whole ordeal, and I quite frankly said that I didn’t feel sorry for them. I was furious, and THEY threatened me, not the other way around.

Things escalated further then. They ran into the bathroom and started tearing out every single box and cupboard and shelf - all in search for razors so they could cut themself. Realizing this, of course, I threw myself after them and used all my strength to pull them back. When they didn’t find the razors (and because I held on) - They ran into the kitchen and struggled to get to our kitchen knives. Yup - I’m talking about meat knives, vegetable knives, bread knives, etc.

I managed to pull them back into the living room at which point they calmed down somewhat. I said I would call the doctor - and they promised me dearly that they would jump from the balcony if I did. They later admitted that they deliberately struggled to force me to hurt them when I restrained them, aka they used my body as a tool to self-harm.

At that point I was just......... Exhausted. Empty. Drained. And so unbelievably hurt and betrayed. But our dog needed a walk, so I took him out and called my best friend meanwhile - telling her about the situation.

I want you to understand why I didn’t leave right at that moment - I had nowhere to go. Where WOULD I go?! Gothenburg is a hellscape when it comes to finding apartments or homes, I had already paid the rent for that apartment, etc. The only reason I didn’t leave then and there was because there were too many loose strings. There were couches I could sleep on, sure - but what about an apartment? What about my own room? Where would I live safetly?

During all this time, I also updated my chosen family in Denmark about what happened, to which the response was “We will get you down here. You’re in danger. We support you in everything you do”.

I decided to stay one more day at least. I planned on writing two lists - One with pros of staying and one with cons. That, and I needed to think...... AND we were going to see the Hunchback of Notre-Dame the day after. I had waited to see that show for FIVE YEARS and I was not going to miss it because my partner decided to be an asshole.

Fast forward to the evening of the 29th. The day had gone on...... Fine. But I knew from experience that I wasn’t actually feeling it. I had no romantic feelings, no love - no affection for the human next to me other than the barest form of compassion that is “I would really like you to not die”.

I wrote the list, I read it to them, because parts of it also came down to their reaction to being told what not to do.

Well - I wouldn’t be writing this if they had realized their mistakes, would I?

The immideate response to everything was to throw blame on everyone else, on me for making them mad, for provoking them, on their mother, on their illnesses and their autism, which I shut down immideately. I have mental illnesses as well as BPD, but that doesn’t give me the right to blame ABUSE on it and refuse to correct my behaviour.

I broke up with them then, though it was in..... more careful terms than I would have wished. I wish I had just said it outright, but it’s hard to dump someone you know? I am a compassionate person - I didn’t want to crush them further, especially cause they had threatened with suicide the day before. They begged me to stay, naturally, and said they would do anything to have me stay. However, when I brought up that I would like for her to go to the doctor, while I went down to my family in Denmark, they once again refused. They wanted me to simply sit at home, because she saw it as punishment.

After a lot of going back and forth I managed to convince them to go to one of our neighbours, their best friend, while I made some calls and sorted out my brain.

I called my best friend, to sort my thoughts out, I called the doctor to get advice and information on how their routines work, and then I called my ex’s father to explain the situation. He had the right to know that his child was heavily suicidal and that I wouldn’t be there to take care of it. Furthermore, I needed him to watch our dog just for a couple of days. Not forever, but just until I was in a safe place, and had made quite a lot of calls just in case we would have to sell him on.

I also packed my stuff that night, and bought my ticket for Denmark. But what does one pack when one is running for one’s life? I packed necessities, naturally, but also valuables I didn’t need, because they had proven to be violent so I had no way of knowing they WOULDN’T destroy my things while I was gone.

They soon realized what I was doing however, as I kept in contact with both the friend and their dad, and I was ORDERED not to go to Denmark, at which point I’m honestly proud of my reply.

“If you leave for Denmark, we are over” “Great. Then the relationship is over at 10.55 tomorrow morning”

All night I also had to watch over our puppy of course - The last night I would ever spend with him, and this is the part where I usually break into tears. Even now. I can tell the rest of it with a certain cold hate - I do not mourn my relationship, but I......... I mourn my little baby boy.

He had no idea that that was the last time he would ever get to see his favourite mommy. He had no idea that he would never get to sleep on my chest again, that I would never kiss his little head or nose again, that this time Mommy would never again come back once mommy left. I’m crying now that I write this. Only now, because I miss my baby boy so much - I love him....! But I can’t take care of a dog, I barely have a home, I don’t have the time because of my studies, and while my ex doesn’t have a lot of money, they have resources. And if they can’t take care of him, I contacted his previous owner to make sure that there was a safe place he could go.

I miss my Hanzo so much that my heart breaks, and seeing little dogs downtown actually physically hurt nowadays, because I know that somewhere there’s a darling boy who will never know where his Mommy went. He will never know how much I love him.

I had to leave though, and leave I did. I called my internship and explained the situation, I contacted Hanzo’s first owner, AND surprisingly, I called my mother. I guess no matter how much anger and disappointment I have towards her - When my life shattered I really really just wanted my mom. And for the first time she actually supported me in the way I needed. She was THERE for me! I wasn’t scolded for what I had done, I wasn’t blamed for my own abuse - She actually behaved like I’ve heard mothers are supposed to.

I healed rather quick after that, or rather I put myself together thanks to my family in Denmark. There was disney, and food, and DnD and just so much love and freedom. I wasn’t even SAD that I had left - I was just so relieved and happy and free! Like I could breathe again, even though I couldn’t pinpoint when I had stopped, you know? All through it my parents and friends back home did everything they could to help me solve the issue of the fact that I was now homeless. I am so privileged and happy to have them in my life - I had help and support where many might not have. Some might not have had the opportunity I did. Some might not have been able to run away, and honestly I can imagine few things that are worse than being stuck in that kind of prison.

Remember my earlier note about being seen as a servant? Yea - that was very confirmed. The Ex tried to contact me and give me orders all through that week - talking to me like I wasn’t even a human being. There were demands and orders and things I HAD to do, things I HAD to pay, etc etc. I was insulted, compared to abusers (ironically), and overall treated like I was a mere object and possession. I called them out on it and politely told them to stop using such a derogatory tone and treat me with some form of basic human respect. The excuse for that attitude was that “Well you don’t understand simple commands unless I say them in this way. Grow up. Respect is earned”

There was still the problem of moving my things out of the apartment, but through many calls, texts and the effort of both my friends and my family, I had help both economically and physically to move all my stuff out. We had been promised that the apartment would be clean and ready to be packed and moved, so to speak, as she was going to “switch back” to the smaller apartment.

However when we arrived it was......... I don’t even know how to describe how nasty it was. Unwashed dishes (MY dishes), rotten food and trash, dirty floors, dirty laundry and it was damn near impossible to move around in there. Luckily they weren’t there when we arrived, but I had my key, AND we had been in contact with the couple we had switched apartments with, who were now supposed to move into that... mountain of garbage. They had apparently also been lied to and used while I was away in Denmark.

When They - the ex - finally came, they threw a fit, and I literally nearly attacked them. Not because they were there, per se, but because they threatened my mother. They treated my mom just like they had that day, they were threatening and downgrading and kept telling my own mother that I was “A worthless excuse for a human being, and I honestly can’t imagine anything more nasty than your daughter”

This is where my mother grew in my eyes. If I ever doubted that my mother loves me, or is proud of me, it changed in that very moment. Because I got to see my mother - my daint little ladylike mother - stand up to my abuser and command the entire fucking room.

“You can think whatever you want, but there is nothing in this world I’m more proud of than my daughter, so take that attitude, stick it somewhere, and get out of my face so we can pack our stuff and finally get you out of our lives”

Let me tell you, those hours of packing were long. All the while, we had my abuser going around and at every possible moment they insulted me. Thanks to mom’s outburst earlier however, my hate for Them simmered down to a cool form of disgust, so I didn’t take any form of provocation from them. Not even when they sat next to me and just spewed insult after insult.

“What’s wrong with you?” “Dunno” “Like seriously - what’s wrong with you” “Dunno” “There has to be something cause you’re so pathetic that I almost feel pity for you” “Mhm. So this box of things is mine right?”

It pissed them off quite a lot. There was also a real threat from our side that if they escalated things or kept being threatening, we WOULD call the police. Let me tell you, there were some close calls - Especially when they dropped a box full of stuff on my mom’s back.

But then we could leave. We were done. I blocked them on my phone and I will never look back.

---

That................. Became a longer post than even I expected honestly.

But after all that - How am I doing now?

So. Much. Better.

Not only has my relationship with my mother improved, not only am I free to live my life and by my own rules, but I have also come to the genuine realization that I’m not single because I am not worthy of love, but because I’m WORTH waiting for something good. Until that comes along however, if it ever does, I’m WORTH being happy and living my life for ME!

I live in a room in my aunt’s place, and honestly it’s so damn cozy? It’s cheap and worth it, I feel safe, there are cats, my cousins are here sometimes and honestly my aunt and I get along great!

The only remaining issue is that of Hanzo, which I’m looking into more properly, ergo “Will I need a lawyer? Is my case strong enough?” - Not to have him live with me, but to have him live with someone who can afford bringing him to the vet, buy him food, and NOT having him live in a filthy home with rotting trash and food everywhere.

Overall I like to look at this experience like a REALLY nasty bout of having to clean out the shower drain.

Cleaning the shower drain is nasty, and it doesn’t matter how many layers of protection you wear - It’s still gross. It smells, and the filth can be hard to get rid of, especially if it’s sewage that’s been stuck for a bit and had time to grow. Even when the procedure is done and the clog has been flushed down the toilet, one feels rather nasty and grimy and as though one will never be clean. But ALAS! After a shower, or twelve, that nasty feeling is gone and now that the drain has been cleaned, the water flows freely - clean - and natural. And everything feels so much better.

My abuser is that clog, but they have been flushed away - Cleaned up, the water flows freely, and I feel like a new person.

I haven’t even taken my anti-depressants for a couple of days and felt NOTHING!

---

TL;DR: Even though this was my second abusive relationship, I’m safe and happy now. I love living - I love breathing - I love studying!

Even though flashbacks might occassionally haunt me - Even though words will occassionally come back to sting - I will not let them stop me in my life.

Thank you for reading <3 I’m done now <3 I promise

#personal #tw: abuse #tw: physical abuse #tw: mental abuse #tw: mental illness #tw: threat of suicide #tw: threat of self harm #tw: abusive relationship

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half-bakedboy · 3 years

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everything that i want (but didn't think i'd find)

Chapter One

Rated: Teen Warnings: None Summary: Combat medic, Izzy, worked side by side with her pilot brother, Alec, to ensure the safety of the country and the most important people in their lives; their family.

Alec was starting a family with Magnus—a man Izzy never imagined her brother ending up with—and when the opportunity for them to get married on short notice during Izzy and Alec's summer block leave, Izzy couldn't have been happier for them. Izzy and Alec would make their way home to celebrate the momentous occasion and Izzy could leave everything behind without a second thought like she had when she was eighteen.

Falling in love with Magnus' sister, Clary, was never part of her plan and that threw her off kilter.

“Relax, big brother,” Izzy said as she rested a hand on Alec’s bouncing knee, patting it with a comforting force that had Alec finally glancing away from the window. He ran a hand over his face and craned his neck to try and see the front of the plane.

“It’s been six months, Iz. What if he…” Alec trailed off as his knee started nervously bouncing again. Izzy gripped a little tighter, pushing her nails into his skin. Alec pulled his knee away the best he could in the cramped space, glaring at Izzy. She smiled sweetly in response and stood as the flight attendants announced that military personnel could exit the plane. Alec shot up in his seat, banging his head against the overhead compartment. Izzy held back the snort of laughter at his eagerness.

“He is going to be waiting with a no-doubt embarrassing sign that you won’t be able to care about because you’ll be too busy kissing his handsome face,” Izzy reasoned as she grabbed Alec’s duffel from above and tossed it at him. He rolled his eyes and pushed his way in front of her as she grabbed her own pack and followed after him closely as they wandered through the airport. She didn’t really know how to help Alec at that moment because she couldn’t even imagine how nervous he was.

It had been six months since they had seen their family and friends. Of course Izzy had missed them, but she didn’t miss anyone as much as Alec had missed Magnus. Their letters back and forth weren’t enough for them considering how much they loved each other, that much Izzy knew. She held Alec while he cried over their distance too many times to not see how much their deployment had affected him. She only hoped that Magnus had someone to help him through the way Alec did.

“Is it normal for my heart to be beating this fast?” Alec asked as they made their way through the crowds of people. Izzy laughed and patted Alec on the shoulder when the bustle of the airport came into view.

“You’re about to see your fiance after six months away. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal, big brother,” Izzy affirmed softly, holding on to her brother’s arm as they followed the exit signs.

Izzy’s own heart was beating fast, ready to see her friends and family again, especially with such a fun-filled summer in front of them. If she was honest, she really didn’t think it was going to be so hard to be away from them for so long. It wasn’t unusual for people to go off to college, take jobs in other states, or just have other things going on that made visiting daily not easy, but Izzy’s family was different. She missed her little brother, her parents and Jace more than anything and couldn’t even imagine how much Alec was missing Magnus throughout their time away.

“If I cry, you’re not allowed to make fun of me,” Alec warned with a deadly glare in Izzy’s direction. Izzy giggled and rolled her eyes as dramatically as she could, staring up at the ceiling for a little longer than necessary.

“Same goes for you,” Izzy retorted. Alec looked down at her quizzically and Izzy tried not to be offended. She knew she wasn’t the most emotional person in the Lightwood family, but she did have a heart. And that heart missed everyone she was about to see.

They reached the escalators and she felt Alec stiffen beside her. Izzy knew that if she followed his eye line, she would see Magnus in all of his glory and when she turned her head, she was right. Magnus had his back to the escalator, but there was no doubt it was him. His outfit was impeccable, as always, and his hair was perfectly quaffed in a way that Izzy was always impressed by. Alec gripped her arm tightly, almost painfully, and Izzy hissed.

“God, just give me your pack and run like you want to,” Izzy said, holding out her hand. Alec didn’t have to think twice as he ran down the escalator, bypassing those already on it who stood leisurely as they awaited their destination. She could hear Alec apologize as he bumped into one of the men but as he was in full uniform, no one said a word about it. Magnus must have heard, though, and Izzy watched as he turned quickly, the brightest smile Izzy had ever seen on his face.

“Magnus!” Alec yelled and Izzy could hear the grin in his voice. She fought back tears as Magnus sprinted the rest of the distance, launching himself into Alec’s arms and holding on like he would never let go. Izzy wished she knew how he felt. She stepped onto the escalator, both packs in her hands making it impossible to take unnecessary steps.

“Alexander, Angel, it’s good to see you,” Magnus said softly, holding Alec’s face in his hands so delicately, Izzy thought her heart might explode. She watched them, her stomach flipping with every intimate touch and gentle kiss, and couldn’t stop herself from yearning for the same thing. As she walked toward them, she smiled widely, blushing as Alec spun Magnus in a circle, their lips never leaving each other.

“I thought Magnus was exaggerating,” a voice chimed next to her. She looked over and was instantly stunned by bright red hair, beautiful green eyes, and a face that Izzy would swear she had seen in her dreams. She was momentarily speechless until the girl giggled happily, the sound like music to her ears. “You’re Izzy, right?” She asked and Izzy could only nod slowly, setting Alec’s bag on the floor. “I’m Clary, Magnus’ sister.”

“I didn’t know Magnus had a sister,” Izzy said dumbly. She shook her head as Clary’s face dropped. “I mean, I knew he had a sister, I just-- I didn’t realize she was you?” Clary’s smile was back on her face and Izzy was grateful for it.

Magnus had talked about his sister, the family that took him in after he lost his own, but last Izzy knew, she was in Europe for some prestigious art scholarship. Izzy hadn’t gotten the chance to meet her and she cursed whatever god decided this would be their first time seeing each other.

Izzy didn’t mind her uniform. She knew that most people liked the military look; it stood for patriotism, bravery, and strength to those that respected it. Izzy had loved what she signed up to do. Being a combat medic was a dream of Izzy's ever since she was rescued by one during the scariest accident she had ever experienced. On that day, her father had taken her to see the most incredible aircrafts the United States military had to offer, and it was like all of the pieces of her life fell into place. She enlisted the minute she could and had never regretted her decision.

But she had much more to offer physically than the uniform showed. It didn’t show off her curves or lean and long legs and she couldn’t even think about the tight bun plastered low on her scalp. She wished the first time she met Clary would’ve been at one of the fancy parties Magnus always threw where she looked like a million bucks.

“I graduated this year and as much as I loved Rome, I couldn’t wait to come back and see my family.” Izzy knew exactly how she felt. Before she could respond, arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her off of her feet. She squealed in surprise and delight and kicked her legs as they were lifted off the ground.

“Magnus!” Izzy shouted, holding onto the hands around her waist. When he put her down, she turned and surged into his arms, holding back tears at how much she missed his touch.

“Isabelle, oh how I’ve missed your beautiful face,” Magnus cooed, smoothing the top of her head with his palm. Izzy scoffed and felt herself blushing. It had been quite a while since someone had called her beautiful and even though Magnus was practically her brother, she could appreciate the compliment for what it was.

“Just wait until the welcome home party. You’ll regret the Lightwood you chose,” Izzy teased with a wink in Magnus’ direction. She heard Alec’s offended gasp before he grabbed at Magnus’s hand to pull him into his side. Izzy figured it would be a few days before Alec let Magnus stray from him, but Izzy understood.

“I would never regret agreeing to marry this Lightwood,” Magnus said, punctuating his words with a gentle kiss to Alec’s cheek. Alec was usually embarrassed by Magnus’ affinity toward public displays of affection, but he leaned into the kiss, pulling Magnus even closer to him. “And how did you know about the welcome home party?” Magnus said offendedly, glaring down at Izzy.

Izzy just smiled and shrugged, her hands going to her hips. “We’ve been gone for six months. There’s no way you didn’t take the opportunity to throw a party,” Izzy reasoned, raising her eyebrows at Magnus. He huffed but didn’t say anything to argue, reaching for Alec’s bag on the ground.

“Let’s get you both home and out of those uniforms, yeah?” Magnus said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Alec. That time, he did blush, glancing around at the people that had stopped to watch the reunion. It happened every time they went anywhere in uniform so Izzy had just gotten used to ignoring it.

“How’s my apartment, Magnus? Did you ruin it while I was gone?” Izzy teased, pulling the straps of her bag as they started weighing heavier on her shoulders. Magnus rolled his eyes but Izzy could see the fondness in them.

“Your flowers are watered, albeit there are a lot less of them, and your mail has been collected and sorted. I also painted the spare bedroom because that horrid green color made me want to puke every second I spent in it.” Izzy laughed and tossed her head back, the motion straining her back as she hissed.

“Iz, will you please—“

“I got it,” Clary said, moving to block Izzy’s path and holding out her hands. Izzy caught her eye for a moment and figured out quickly that she was just like her brother. “You’re going to make all of these people that won’t stop staring believe that we’re making our two hard-working soldiers carry their own bags after years overseas?” Clary said as dramatically as she possibly could, if Izzy had to guess.

“We’ve been gone for six months…” Alec muttered, but Magnus rolled his eyes and took his bag and Izzy would be stupid to deny the woman in front of her. She pulled the backpack off of her shoulders and held it out to Clary, narrowing her eyes slightly when the redhead’s smile widened even more.

“My brother was right,” she commented as she slid her arms in the loops, bending down enough so Izzy could rest the straps on her shoulders.

“About?” Izzy asked, stretching out her now relieved muscles.

“You Lightwoods really are suckers for a pretty face.”

Izzy snorted, “Especially one so conceited.”

“You didn’t deny that you think I’m pretty, though!” Clary pointed out excitedly as they exited the airport. Izzy was about to argue, but couldn’t stop herself from taking a deep breath of fresh air, grateful to be off of the plane they’d been stuck on for far too many hours. She closed her eyes and let the soft breeze hit her face for a moment before turning back to Clary who was grinning widely at her.

“No, I didn’t,” Izzy said simply.

Somewhere from a few feet away, Izzy heard her brother mutter, “I knew introducing them was going to be a bad idea.”

“Alright, well, this is where we leave both of you!” Magnus sang, opening the trunk to pull out Izzy’s bags and Izzy’s bags only. She glared at him suspiciously, eyes darting between Magnus and Alec, who was staring down at the ground to avoid Izzy’s gaze.

“Who is both of us?” Izzy asked. Clary hopped out of the car and waved her hand, an almost salute that her commanding officer would definitely not appreciate.

“I should have known my brother wouldn’t have told you,” Clary accused, hip-checking Magnus who waved a dismissive hand in response.

“Tell me what, Alec?” She asked, her eyes narrowing more and more each second as Alec sputtered at her.

“We’re about to get married, Iz, and I haven’t seen my fiancé in months. We just wanted a little privacy before the wedding when all of our family starts intruding on our lives and then we leave after that…” He trailed off just as Clary pulled keys out of her pocket and unlocked the front door to her apartment building.

“Hey, roomie, we should let these two lovebirds go while I show you what I’ve done to the place!” Clary commented, twirling the keys around her finger.

“Oh, you are so lucky I think you need to get laid. You know that, right?” Izzy accused, pressing a finger to her brother’s chest. He pulled her into a tight hug and rested his chin on her head. She could feel it moving, no doubt warning Clary of something as a giant sigh erupted from behind her.

“You guys act like I’m some teenager who doesn’t know how to look after herself,” Clary scoffed, skipping over to kiss Magnus and Alec on the cheek. She grabbed Izzy’s hand which surprised her enough to not make a sarcastic comment like she had wanted to before tugging them to the door. “I just reorganized the place a bit and made Alec’s room look less like a prison and more like a home!”

“The only reason it looks like that is because I spend so much time at Magnus’ place,” Alec grumbled, kissing the top of Magnus’ head before they both got back into the car. Alec raised his eyebrows at his sister, a silent question that didn’t need to be said out loud, and Izzy nodded.

“We’ll see you guys at the party, yeah?” Izzy asked, still not knowing many details but trusting that Magnus had figured every single one out.

“Of course, darling, now you two behave!” Magnus demanded and Alec groaned, slamming his head back against the seat. When they drove off, Izzy decided not to think about the order, turning back to Clary who was holding the door open instead.

“You haven’t totally destroyed the place with like paint and charcoal, right?” Izzy asked.

“Destroyed is such a strong word, Isabelle!” Clary sang as she hopped up the steps. She reminded Izzy of a rabbit or a really happy puppy that didn’t have a negative bone in her body. It was… endearing, though she would never say that out loud.

“If this is a repeat of the summer of 2012 disaster Magnus always talks about…”

Clary turned abruptly and shouted, “Hey, there are two sides to that story!” Izzy raised her eyebrows and held up her hands in defense, grinning at the little bit of emotion she had brought out in Clary. Just like her hair, she could be fiery and Izzy couldn’t wait to see more of it. “Besides, he’s my brother and he was gone for an entire three months. I’ve only been in your place for like two weeks. The only change is that my art supplies are around but I can always move them.”

“I’m sure it’s fine, Clary. I’m really not too worried, it’s just… weird to have a roommate that isn’t my brother,” Izzy admitted as Clary unlocked the door to her apartment. Izzy stood frozen for a second because she barely recognized the place. Clary had rearranged the furniture so it was all stacked to one side, a few easels and canvases overtaking the space they once had.

“I told you, I can—”

“No, no,” Izzy reassured, taking a deep breath. Alec was the one who would panic while Izzy had a cool head on her shoulders. That was their dynamic and she was sticking to it. “It’s really alright, just… surprising. You’ve got… a lot of stuff,” she said, walking over to the side of the living room littered with art.

“Yeah, uh, most of it was at my mom’s but…” Izzy instantly felt her annoyance disappear, sympathy taking its place.

It was only a few months ago that Magnus and Clary had lost their mother in a car accident. Alec hadn’t gotten the letter until after the funeral was over and done with and Izzy had to try and ease the guilt he felt. It was tough on Magnus to not have his fiancé there and Clary could only take enough time away from art school to attend the funeral and move her stuff—apparently, to Izzy and Alec’s apartment.

“I’ll only be here for a few weeks, right? A little clutter isn’t going to kill me!” Izzy said easily, resting a gentle hand on Clary’s arm. She looked nervous and a little meek. Izzy wasn’t sure she liked that image of her, but she didn’t have to worry too much. It was quickly replaced with a smile when her phone chimed.

“They made it back safe,” Clary said. At Izzy’s confused glance, she explained, “Magnus always texts me after a drive. Just… a thing we do now. He also wanted me to tell you that they are both shutting off their phones for the time being so if we need anything—”

“—We don’t.” They said it together, giggling at the antics of their brothers.

“Well, I’m going to...” Izzy trailed off, gesturing over her shoulder to her bedroom. She couldn’t wait to get out of her uniform and to finally let her hair down after hours in the tight bun she had to have it in. She couldn’t wait to get showered and just relax for the first night in months.

“I was going to order some pizza, from that place down the street? They have a gluten-free crust and a vegetarian option if you…” At Izzy’s clearly judgmental look, Clary laughed. “We’ll get two pizzas then?” Izzy nodded as Clary walked to the kitchen.

Maybe having a roommate that wasn’t Alec wouldn’t be so bad after all.

When Izzy walked out a half-hour later, it was to the mouthwatering smell of pepperoni and sausage pizza and some pop music playing from the radio on the kitchen counter. Clary was dancing around the kitchen, a sight Izzy could definitely get used to, and struggling to grab plates from the cabinet where Alec had stored them. Izzy knew the struggle well and giggled as Clary hoisted herself on the counter to finally reach them.

Apparently, Clary hadn’t been expecting the company quite yet and jumped at the sound, almost dropping the plates to the ground.

“Sorry, sorry! You’re probably used to being here alone,” Izzy commented as she walked to the kitchen. Clary jumped down from the counter and handed a plate to Izzy with an easy shrug.

“I mean, yeah, definitely not used to having a roommate, but… wow,” she said as if she had finally taken the chance to look at Izzy.

She wasn’t trying to impress Clary, by any means, but she did get properly dressed instead of putting on the tattered sweatpants and tank top she had so desperately wanted to. She wore her favorite black jeans, high-waisted with too many buttons to be practical, and a cropped pastel purple top that left very little to the imagination. It was entirely different than the clunky uniform Clary had met her in and she relished the way Clary’s jaw seemed to hang out.

She also did her hair. It had been stuck up in a bun for so long her scalp had started to hate her, so she let it flow down, soft waves that ended well past the middle of her back flowing with each move she made. Like she had said, she had a lot more to offer outside of her uniform and maybe, just maybe, she could offer it to the beautiful woman currently drooling in her kitchen.

“You’ve got a little,” Izzy brushed her thumb across the corner of Clary’s mouth but Clary was quick to swat it away, her pale skin erupting in a dark shade of red.

“Confident,” Clary noted, “that’s the first word Magnus used to describe you.” It was almost offhanded, not judgmental or harsh in any way, just a fact that Clary was accepting. It had Izzy unsure of what to say which was not a normal occurrence for her.

“Colorful was what he used to describe you,” Izzy said, grabbing a slice of pizza and placing it right in her mouth before it even touched the plate. She practically moaned at the taste and Clary laughed at her, but she didn’t care. She had missed pizza more than almost any other food. “Alec and I laughed at that because if we were to describe Magnus with one word, that one would fit,” she added as she grabbed the glass of wine Clary had poured for her and moved to the couch.

“Yeah, we’re definitely siblings,” Clary said fondly, sitting cross-legged beside Izzy. “You and Alec seem…”

“Like complete and total opposites?” Izzy finished for her. Clary looked a bit bashful as she nodded. “We are and we aren’t? It’s hard to explain. We have the same morals and enjoy a lot of the same things, but I’m the more outgoing one while he’s more of the parent.”

“Magnus told me that—” She stopped herself, as if unsure if she should say whatever she wanted to, but Izzy shook her head.

“Alec and I have no secrets, so if Magnus told you something, neither of us would be mad. Siblings have to stick together, right?”

Clary nodded and continued, “Magnus said that Alec was very much a parent to you and your siblings. That he took care of you both from a young age? He seems the type.” It was fond, the way she spoke about Alec, and that made Izzy happy.

“Yeah, he really stepped up as the oldest. Our parents weren’t bad by any means. We always had food in the house and were healthy by all standards, but they were… absent. Alec was the one that took care of us when they would go away, even though he didn’t have to.”

“Magnus was the same way. I mean, before he was placed with us, he was always the one taking care of his foster siblings. He tried to take care of me until he realized he didn’t have to.” Clary giggled at what seemed like a fond memory and Izzy grinned up at her.

“You definitely don’t seem like the type to need that,” Izzy noted. When Clary tilted her head, she explained, “Well, Alec told me that once you turned eighteen, you were pretty much out on your own already. He said you traveled a lot, got yourself into art school in some fancy European country, climbed the stairs to success with,” she gestured around at the full canvases, “all of this. Seems like you had it all figured out.”

“I could say the same for you,” Clary retorted, “Magnus told me that you pretty much knew you wanted to be a medic since you were a teenager and nothing has stopped you from fulfilling that dream since. It’s pretty admirable if you ask me.” Izzy shrugged and stared down at her pizza, trying to will the heat away from her face.

“I had my brother with me almost the entire time, though. You traveled all over foreign land alone and made a pretty good name for yourself considering that art show Magnus raved about in his last letter,” Izzy pointed out. She was glad Clary’s face reddened so she wasn’t so alone. If that was how the next few weeks would go, Izzy wasn’t sure how either of them would make it out unchanged.

“Hmm,” Clary hummed, holding out her glass of wine to Izzy, “the artist and the soldier, the unlikeliest of duos, spending a summer together before real life takes over. Whatever will happen next?”

Izzy clinked their glasses together and said, “Guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

#etiw #chapter one

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arazialotis · 7 years

Text

Austin Nights - Part 5

Pairing: Single!Jensen × Reader

Word Count: About 3500

Summary: The reader lives in Austin and unknowingly runs into Jensen at a bonfire and sparks fly. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Obviously I intend no hate or ill wishes to him or his family. This is purely just for writing and wasting my time.

This is purely for a hobby and my enjoyment. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I am by no means a writer so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors. I appreciate any feedback or suggestions!

----

When Jensen had said he would be in touch, you actually assumed it would be him. However, you felt like you had talked with his marketing and security team more than him in the last three weeks. (Yes, you promised him two but the school had asked for three in order to find a substitute counselor for such a long period of time.) If you had to go over your social media privacy settings one more time, you might begin pulling your hair out. It was driving you bonkers to say the least. Honestly, you didn’t care what people did and didn’t know about you or what could possibly happen if someone came across an unflattering photo, god forbid. But it was all to maintain Jensen’s image and you were determined to keep it up as much as you could.

All that behind you now, you were waiting in an airport terminal with boarding passes and passport in hand. The $3 fedora from Target rest atop your head being your constant companion for any traveling adventure. Angie hardly let you go and if she had a valid passport she would have definitely come with you.

“Take a picture with Jared for me.” She demanded. “No, call me with him, wait make sure it is a video call!” She had instructed you.

Thinking about it now, you were super nervous and unsure why. With Jensen it came and happened so naturally. With Jared it seemed like you needed to meet an expectation, you were dating his best friend, you needed to live up to his standard and make a good impression. Regardless, there was no turning back now as you boarded the plane.

Customs were quick and easy. You couldn't remember who told you but someone had once explained getting into Canada was fairly easy, it was coming back when you would run into problems. Jensen had texted you earlier explaining a car would meet you there. However, you tried to make it clear that you would be fine with a cab. Regardless, coming down the escalator you saw a man dressed in black holding a sign with your name. You rolled your eyes and tucked your hair up into your hat, trying to disguise yourself. You said you were taking a cab so that’s what you were going to do, you thought. As soon as you hit the floor you b-lined for the opposite direction of the driver, trying to make it outside before noticed.

You cringed as you heard, “Ms. Y/L/N, Ms. Y/L/N!” being called throughout the lobby.

You forcefully froze yourself as not to run out the doors. You turned around putting a smile on as the man caught up to you. “Oh, wow. This was unexpected, I didn’t see you.” You lied through a smile.

The man saw through your act. “He told me you might try to avoid me.”

“I’m just very independent, that’s all.” You tried to ration.

“Can I grab your luggage?” He smiled, not sure if he was amused or offended.

“Independent.” You said slowly again.

“Right, of course. We’re out this way.” He directed.

You followed willingly but played a bit of tug-o-war for the honors of loading the luggage into the car. He eventually won and opened the door for you. Driving down the highway you looked out the window taking in the new views and cityscape.

“So, are we heading to Jay’s apartment?” You asked.

“Mr. Ackles requested that I take you to the studio and I’ll drop your luggage off at his residence afterwards.” He responded.

“Well, I could wait at Mr. Ackles’ apartment until he arrives so I could freshen up and rest from a day of travel.” You suggested with a bit of attitude.

“If need be, you can in the trailer, it has more than enough accommodations.”

You sighed not getting your way. The longer you traveled down the highway the more anxious you became and started to fiddle with your fingers. When you arrived to the studio it looked as you expected. A gated entrance, factory warehouses which contained sets. You had to check in with security, including having your picture taken, your bag searched through, and you were required to wear a visitor’s badge. It was honestly more of a process than customs had been. Upon arriving at Jay’s trailer, the driver introduced you to a personal assistant named Marcus.

“Marcus will escort you around the studio and help you with anything you need. I’ll drop your luggage to Mr. Ackles’ apartment.” The driver explained again.

“Really, I’ll be fine, I don’t need a PA.” You tried to argue.

“Even if you don’t, it’s a security requirement.”

“Because I am such a threat.” You tried to joke, but the driver must have lost his patience dealing with your antics.

So you were left alone with Marcus, who immediately started asking want you wanted to drink or eat or needed.

“Just need to freshen up.” You explained.

“Right, of course.” He unlocked the trailer for you. “I’ll be right out here if you need anything.”

As you entered you were certain your jaw fell to the floor. It had more luxury than your own apartment and was probably equal in size. Okay, so you were exaggerating, but not by much. You cautiously explored around, opening cupboards, looking at the rooms, probably breaching all kinds of security protocols. You did find a small bathroom and freshened up as well as applying some makeup that you had kept in your travel bag. Being unsure of what to do, you sat on a couch, and just sat, hoping Jensen would come join you soon. After about an hour, you couldn’t stand it anymore and went outside to find Marcus, sitting literally right there.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you could have come in.” You apologized.

“No, it's okay, I wouldn’t have anyways. Can I get you something?” He asked.

“Actually, I was wondering where Jensen is?” You asked.

“They’re working on set right now, needing to get a few scenes done before the end of the day.” He explained but caught hint of your frown. “But I can see if it is an open set, we could go watch them.” He suggested.

“Would you?” You asked relieved. “That would be amazing.” You liked him a lot better than the driver.

Marcus responded to a text on his phone. “Yeah, we can definitely sneak in.”

Marcus led you to a golf cart and drove around the studio until entering a warehouse. You were at the set of the bunker with a full crew and the cast running lines. You stood in the back as not to be a distraction.

“It looks like a skeleton compared to what’s on TV.” You whispered to Marcus.

“Yeah, it’s amazing what we’re able to do.” He whispered back.

You heard Jensen’s voice over the set. Your heart dropped and your cheeks flushed seeing him as something familiar in this strange world. It had only been three weeks but you desperately wanted to run up and hug him. You bounced in place a little in order to contain your excitement. Throughout the scene you watched him. He was so focused and involved it really felt like Dean Winchester was in the room.

They quickly reset the scene. It amazed you how quickly he slipped out of character, joking around with Jared, and how fast he got back into the scene. Things were heating up in the scene and you jumped startled when Jensen slammed his hand down on the table. He was attempting to be furious but caught a glance of you out of the corner of his eye and smiled. He looked back down at the table attempting to furrow his brow again but he couldn’t help to grin like a child.

“Cut,” He yelled. “I need a cut.” He repeated.

A bell rang and someone yelled “15 minutes” as he ran over to you. He picked you up into a hug and spun you around, planting a kiss on your cheek. You laughed as he placed you back down on the ground.

“God, I missed you.” He confessed.

“You can’t cut a scene for me, they’ll hate me.” You whispered concerned.

“What? No. Besides I hear you are making friends already.” He joked.

“Who said that, the hitman or the babysitter?” You whispered again not wanting Marcus to hear.

“Someone is concerned you are either a flight risk or a security threat.” Jensen smiled only imagining how you acted earlier.

“He should realize I’m both, tattletale” You joked. “I was trying to be friendly, really.” You tried to convince him.

“Oh, no doubt.” Jensen said not believing it for a second.

You caught a glimpse of Jared heading over and nuzzled Jensen attempting to hide in his shoulder. He reassuringly rubbed your back and you turned around ready to make a good impression.

“So this is who’ve you been hiding for what, seven months now?” Jared asked Jensen. “I can see why.” He reached out to shake your hand as your cheeks set on fire.

“Down boy.” Jensen lightheartedly nudged Jared, to which Jared patted Jay’s chest.

“So, Jensen has literally shared no information with me about you…” Jared started.

“Not true.” Jay interrupted.

“So quick, give me the spark notes.” Jared continued.

“Um… really just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.” You started giving you a second to think causing both of them to smile. “Bachelors of social work from U of T, passionate for social justice and raising mental health awareness, guidance counselor at a middle school, and in love with this guy right here…” You nudged Jensen and froze, did you just say love?

“Y/N is all about AFK, uses the message a lot with her students.” Jensen interrupted sensing you had froze.

“Very cool.” Jared added.

“Other than that I like exploring new and weird places and some people would say I am stubborn.” You looked at Jensen who shook his head denying. “But I’d love to chat more over a beer sometime and get to know you.”

“Of course, we should totally go out tonight after we are finished with the set.” Jared suggested. Jay cleared his throat. “I guess Jensen can come too.” Jared added. You laughed nervously. Jared was called from across the set. “It was great meeting you, looking forward to tonight.” He winked and bounded across the room.

You immediately hid your face in Jensen’s chest again and he wrapped his arms around you. “Was that okay?” You asked in a muffled voice.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Jensen asked you. “I love you and so I know Jared will too. Just be yourself okay?” You nodded. “So I gotta get back to it if we are ever going to make it out of here tonight.”

You finally left the shelter of him. “Can I stay and watch? I’ll try not to be a distraction.”

“That’s impossible, you’re always a distraction in my head. But maybe I can turn the distraction into a muse.” He winked at you and left to follow Jared.

Marcus appeared next to you again with a drink holder filled with four different coffee creations. “I didn’t know what you would like so I am hoping one of these will work.” When you looked at him confused. He continued. “I just thought after a long day of travel, and with the time change…”

“I guess we’ll just have to drink them all then.” You suggested taking one and giving another to him and silently toasting.

It took them two hours to finish up the two scenes. During cuts Jensen would flirt at you with his eyes to which you would return with a silly face. It was another 30 minutes before they were cleaned up and officially released. Marcus finally left your side when Jensen took over again and walked you to his trailer.

“So what did you think?” He asked you.

“I don’t know… It was weird.” You confessed.

“What? Weird how?” He questioned.

“I don’t know how to explain it… it’s just like so much goes into it for something that is only going to be on the screen for two minutes and you literally become a different person out there.” You tried to put to words. “I’ve just never experienced anything like it.”

He opened the trailer door and let you in.

“I don’t think it would be any different if I watched you work though. I’ve never seen you in action.” He commented.

“Except I wouldn’t be able to get any work done, all the girls would be lined up at the door to gush over you.” You joked.

“Nah, I’m too outdated for them. I’m sure it’s all Harry Styles this, J Biebs that.” Jensen played off.

You simply rolled your eyes in response as he did not realize how much he still had it going on.

“Hey, what’s this?” Jensen pointed to a wrapped package on the counter.

“A present.” You said a bit nervous about how he would react to it.

“A present?” He repeated and started opening it up.

“Yeah, it’s just something stupid…”

Upon opening, Jensen laughed and crinkled his nose. It was a small Texas longhorn stuffed animal that you had picked up before leaving the Austin airport.

“It’s so you won’t get lonely when I leave.” You explained embarrassed.

He pulled you closer, pinning you between him and the counter. “I love it.” He said sincerely. “Expect I’m never letting you leave.” He said before starting to kiss your neck and his hands went for your waist.

You started to laugh. “Oh my gosh! Jared’s probably waiting for us.”

“He can wait and extra 15 minutes.” Jensen’s tone turned animal.

Well, 15 minutes later you both were heading out. You self-consciously ran your fingers through your hair and adjusted your clothing to make sure everything was in place. You met up with Jared who had his classic beanie on and was ready to leave.

“What took you so long, diva?” He asked Jensen.

Jensen gave him a perky grin and raised his eyebrows. You nudged him with your elbow. Apparently it took him longer to get out of character than you thought.

“So, Jared, do you have any suggestions for tonight?” You asked trying to redirect the conversation.

“Uh, Gastown is pretty cute. Think she’d like it down there?” Jared asked Jay.

He nodded his head and with a serious tone mocked Jared. “Oh, yes, very cute.”

“I’m up for anything. We could share a cab, or hop on the metro?” You suggested.

“It’ll be easier just to get a driver.” Jensen said.

You shook your head no with exaggerated playful anxiety written on your face.

“Listen, you’ve got full reign in Austin, up here things are just a little different. You’ll get used to it though.” Jensen tried to encourage you.

“What’s wrong with the driver?” Jared asked confused.

“I think he’s listed me as at least a code 4 security concern.” You admitted.

“Nice!” Jared laughed and high fived you. “We should sneak her in tomorrow just to mess with them.” He suggested.

“Regardless, the more we are out in public together, the more we chance depriving Angie the promise of outing us.” Jensen said as the driver pulled up.

You squished in-between the middle of them not wanting to sit up front. “Oh, have you not checked twitter today?” You asked him.

“Even if he did, he literally is only following 4 people and therefore misses everything.” Jared teased.

You pulled up Angie’s tweet on your phone as Jensen and Jared playfully bickered about technology. Angie had taken a photo of you at the terminal posing with your suitcase, foot pop and all. ‘My bestie @Y/N is headed up to VC. Any guesses on who she is going to see? ;)’ You had been avoiding your phone all day with the amount of responses. Ever since she initially posted the first photo of you and Jay, her account had blown up. With this second tweet yours was going out of control as well. Jay took your phone to see what was going on.

“Oh, we are taking care of this right now.” Jay said. He took his own phone out to take a selfie.

“Ahh! No!” You leaned closer to Jared. “I’m all jet-lagged and gross from traveling.” Jared pushed you back to Jay. “Fine, fine.” You finally agreed.

“Okay, how do you get this thing to work?” Jensen asked causing you to laugh. He snapped the picture then, loving the way your eyes lit up and smile brightened when he caused you to laugh.

“Jensen, we have to do a real one.” You complained cheerfully.

“Alright, but I am keeping that one for the photo album.” He joked again and took another photo. When he looked to see how it turned out, he reared his head back laughing. At the last second you had puckered your lips and crossed your eyes.

“You guys are impossible.” Jared said taking Jensen’s phone ready to take another picture. “I’m uploading this one either way so make it count. 3… 2…”

Jensen kissed your temple and held the other side of you head, pressing you closer to him. You squinted your eyes shut with a playful and ecstatic smile.

Jensen took it back. “Yeah, that's a cute one.” He commented typing up a tweet.

“Yes, all your cuteness is making me nauseous.” Jared said sarcastically.

“We try and keep the PDA to a minimum.” You defended.

“Right, Jensen told me how you met.” Jared argued.

“It doesn’t count if no one is around.” You tried to convince him.

“Don’t listen to him, he’s just a bitter old man.” Jensen told you.

“You mean free and unchained.” Jared corrected.

“I meant exactly what I said.” Jay stood firm. “Here, what do you think?” He handed you his phone.

‘@bluehairdontcare, Thanks for sending @Y/N up, she’s safe and sound, but no promises on when/if she’ll return.’

You handed the phone back to him. “Here goes nothing.” You said as he posted it.

You felt your phone vibrate and a few seconds later vibrate again and again. You took it out to see the notifications piling on and quickly texted Angie. ‘Going on a tech break for a bit. Contact the prepaid if you need me.’

‘Got it! I still expect a video chat with Jared by the end of the week.’ She responded.

‘Of course.’ ‘Eat up all this attention while you can.’

‘Can I be your press secretary??’ She asked.

‘Haha, absolutely.’ ‘Love you Ang Xx’

‘Love you too Xxx.’

With that you shut your phone off entirely. As you entered the Gastown district, you leaned over Jensen to get a better look. The driver pulled up to a pub called the Black Frog and the three of you got out together. You looked around the brick streets, brick buildings, and quaint street lamps.

“Screw you guys, I’m hanging out down here tomorrow while you’re on set.” You joked.

“I thought you’d like it,” Jared said and held open the door for you. “Come one.”

Jensen grabbed your hand and led you through to a small pub with a wooden floor. There was an open high top which you guys grabbed up. You ordered some poutine as well to accompany the beer. Chatting with both of them came naturally. Occasionally there was a inside joke that left you guessing, but overall things flowed smoothing, it was probably the second drink helping you along. You talked Pearl Jam, other music updates, and guilty listening pleasures with Jared. You explained how your biggest passion was your work and empowering the kids, sitting through the ups and downs with them, hormonal swings and all. They talked a bit about their industry and the show, but you tried to divert the topics so it wouldn’t feel so much like an interview to them.

After about the third yawn within two minutes Jensen spoke up. “Alright, it’s time to get you some sleep.”

You didn’t protest beginning to feel pretty exhausted. You parted ways from Jared after making tentative plans for tomorrow. Having a window seat this time, you spent it gazing at the city lights before leaning your head against Jay’s shoulder and slipping into sleep. When you finally reached his apartment he could hardly wake you.

“Come on girl.” Jensen cooed.

He held you up as you made the way through the lobby and elevator. He sung softly to you on your way into his apartment. You tried to take in the details but they seemed quite hazy. Jensen helped slip your jeans off and tucked you into bed. He came along side you in just his briefs. He stroked your hair as you drifted back to sleep.

“So, love, huh?” Jay asked picking out what you had said to Jared earlier.

“Mmhmm” You hummed softly with your eyes closed.

He kissed your forehead and pulled you close against him. “Glad to finally know you feel the same.”

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Click here to Continue to Part 6

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creativteam10-blog · 5 years

Text

Oh How I Liked You So Bad.

Your eyes were so blue

So intense

The effervescent hues that painted your iris swirled majestically

Begging for someone to gaze deep in them

The colors danced in unison but not

Each was unique to itself but somehow seemed to belong together

What a Starry Night I thought

I was met with a darkness so intense i was swallowed up within it's black holes

He asked me something

The battle between my recognition and anxiousness played out between my temples

A punch thrown and a kick lunged

I am desperate. I am dying for someone to win so I can answer or ask him to repeat because damn his eyes

They’re so intense

He smirked and was my valiant yet coy man of the hour who rescued me from this torment

His smirk was enticing but not more enticing then the gleeful giggle he let escape from his lips

It went by so fast I was almost saddened because I wanted to hear it again

Risk that torment I was trying kill off to relive through that beautiful sound again

It was hearty.

You know like soup southern crotchety grandmothers make that were oh so delicious and cheerful

But I didn't want to eat it. No

Instead I wanted to lay in it. Relax. Let it consume me

He saw my panic and reassured me not to be nervous

Because what was there to be nervous about?

Right?

He asked his question again which I eagerly responded (maybe too eagerly)

I wasn't this eager responding to him all throughout our philosophy discussions this semester but no this time

This time was different

He listened to what I had to say

He didn't hear me

He listened

I like how he was exploring my mind and I wanted to pack a bag, drop everything, and explore his too

His mind was intriguing. His soul was intriguing. Everything that made him, him looked so delicious and I was hungry.

I was curious so I asked him the same for which he looked away

Eyes twinkled

And responded that he truly doesn't know where life would take him

He said he wanted to make the most out of it

To make it last

Me too

I wanted beautiful, spontaneous laughs and i wanted hurtful, melancholy cries

I wanted every single experience to be bursting through the seems with emotions to the point where my body could not handle

I want to learn. I want to live.

I want to make it last

With him it was effortless

With him I had to try so hard

The conversations flowed so fast that night with every minute being an eternity

He said I could crash at his place

Said he didn't want the conversations to end and the night be over

He wanted to make it last remember

And remember I did too

His apartment was dirtyyy

HA typical men I thought

His room was less dirty

I commented on it which he replied “he wasn't like a typical man and it's sad that men are seen in that light”

He was right

It is sad

The sofa was comfortable

Not to soft. Not too stiff.

Or maybe it was comfortable by how his body made its way pushed up against mine

His fingers lightly grazed up and down my leg sending electrical impulses to my brain

Dopamine rushed through my body and trust me he knew by the way my eye lids would slowly come drawn shut for a minute then reopen

I liked it. Did I like it?

I didn't want to rush or move to fast but the way his hands felt and the way that dopamine was pouring into my neural synapses I liked it

And maybe. Maybe he liked it too

Maybe he liked me

And now we’re in his bed

Don't know how we got there, but here we are

His responses became shortened

I didn't mind. I noticed but I didn't mind

The conversation was coming to a close which was known by the way his eyes were now shut but he was still attentively awake

He must be tired

My head was laid on his chest just like the way he offered it to be

His heart beat sound and clear

I would almost mistake it to be my own by how distinct it came through my ear canal

He kissed my forehead gently

I looked up at him

Where he then replaced my forehead and met is lips to mine

It was nice. It was intense.

Then things escalated

Did I want it? Did I really want it?

I wanted it. I wanted him. But I didn't want him this fast.

And by fast I mean literally this fast virginity gone poof in a mere 4 minutes and 58 seconds

4 minutes and 58 seconds

He flopped on the bed with an exaggerated moan

Or what I think to be exaggerated

It had to be exaggerated right?

I know one things for sure though

It sure was hearty

And there he lay. Flat on his stomach. Stiff as a board

I wish I would say we shared a few comments. I wish I could he held me and gave me those forehead kisses I enjoyed so much.

I wish I could we woke up to the vibrant rays of sunlight that absorbed into our skin

Where we gently kissed one another and discussed plans from there

To make it last

But instead or was cold and lighter than before

The room was dark where I lay and I only me to lay

The blinds were shut and the room silent

I opened the blinds and oh boy the sun was vibrant

My skin did not absorb instead my eyes repelled in bitterness

A crinkled note appeared where his body should be

My eyes snapped to it hopeful, scrapping and digesting every word for a reasonable explanation

“ Your shoes are with your clothes. Lock the door on way out”

That hope strangled me. That hope cut deep.

It hurts.

But I wanted to learn right.

Here come the melancholy cries.

But I asked for it.

I locked the door on my way out.

(Personal Poem)

0 notes

shikungigi · 6 years

Text

Someone keeps saying I should do more travel pieces, but I keep fighting it, in the spirit of keeping things under wraps. But something changed this time, and I thought it’s good to talk about travelling in its true unInstagrammable form. It started with missing my flight. You do not want to ever miss your flight, friend. If you are going somewhere in the evening, just make sure you are at JKIA by afternoon, honestly. I fought against my very instinct and ended up leaving way later and then not using the bypass. So once we were stuck in Upper Hill traffic, I knew we were done for and just pretty much gave up.

You will meet drivers who think they know Nairobi shortcuts, those that lead you straight into the bowels of the traffic glut itself claiming there is less traffic in the tiny roads. It is painful. And, I, for one, will never take a bodaboda from CBD to JKIA to beat time. I am not crazy and I love myself too much. To cut the long story short, we ended up at the gate right at the minute it closed. After confusing ourselves for another many minutes and taking the wrong escalators and turns. LOL. Also, I was not laughing that time.

We had to make very quick decisions and pay the penalty for the next flight out at midnight. Through it all, my colleague thought I was in denial. I was so collected – like, this happens to me all the time sister, relax. My dad called and suggested I ask where Miguna had been staying so I can spend the time there as well. SMH. I counted the notes at that customer service desk and it all felt so surreal. The total penalty was more than the original flight cost. But later on my colleague reminded me to count my blessings. It could always be worse. The price of a lesson learnt far outweighs the experience. We might not even have had that money in the first place and could have missed the next flight altogether. I was supposed to be mad at someone for this but I was not. Did I forget to mention the part where I left something in the Uber because of the rush? I had to smile at so many men to go backwards through departures to the starting point to meet the driver at the terminal. This involved leaving my passport behind too and coming back to an immigration guy who wanted to play with my head and freak me out by not giving it back immediately.

Not the perfect start to a travel story, right? Wrong. This is the real deal.

Entebbe. Until this trip happened, it had not hit me that Entebbe is the main airport in Uganda, even with the movies made about the hijacking in 1976. I always thought Kampala had another. It’s like JKIA being in Limuru. I am not even kidding you. It takes about 50 minutes to fly to Entebbe. So when you get your stamp and head out through security, you realize how small the place is compared to where you came from and that you are 40km away from your destination. Also, the cars here are slightly older than the ones you see in Nairobi, but it is another Toyota land. A lot of Ubers and Taxifys are Spacios, Ipsums, Raums and whatever other Toyota that is in this family of cars. The driver educated me a lot during that one hour trip in the middle of the night. Apparently Toyota Wish is now taking over the taxi industry and the people who run the country are about to pass a bill reducing the age of cars allowed into the country like us.

Petrol stations. They. Are. So. Many. The whole stretch from Entebbe to Kampala probably has a hundred petrol stations. Or more. Or I am just exaggerating. One person told me it’s because no one travels on full tank here, so they need to have filling stations everywhere when the inevitable happens. There is a good amount of road construction going on to fix the traffic situation this side, but because kids were on holiday, I did not get to see the famed traffic in action.

So we get to Kampala Boulevard, our home for the week and who welcomes us? A napping security guard. No surprise there. I announce our final destination and he offers to walk us up. I almost fall over when he gets up and turns around. A huge AK 47 is hanging from his shoulder across his back. I look at my colleague in disbelief and she gives me the you-ain’t-seen-nothing-yet look – she has travelled to Uganda a lot before. I will have to do further research into how much safer Uganda is with guns as compared to Kenya and our detectors that I have always doubted do much at all those entrances.

The suite is real nice with a great view of this side of the city. The buildings are not as high as Nairobi’s. It’s also not cold. The warmth that I experience the next couple of days just makes me want to stay longer. Even when it showers, the change in temperature is minimal.

Café Javas. My friends. Have you sampled CJ’s on Koinange Street yet? You know, the beautiful new restaurant that’s almost all glass with the most beautiful popping menus I have ever seen and equally good food and service? Well. You ain’t seen nothing yet until you go to one of CJ’s mothers in Kampala, Café Javas. And in case you did not know why it is CJ’s, the two had previously fought the trademark battle in court in Uganda when Java was seeking to register its trademark in the country. Java won and now has branches in Kampala. We already know Uganda is very agriculturally rich, right? I mean, we nearly wept on our way back to the airport looking at tomatoes the size of fists sitting pretty in the sun in various markets along Kampala-Entebbe Road. Meanwhile, we’re buying beat-up tomatoes like gold on this other side of Lake Victoria. Sigh.

Anyway, back to Café Javas. In addition to the huge servings you get, with additions that make you want to ululate in exhilaration like Njugush, it is still cheaper than its equivalent in Kenya. I literally camped here the whole week, despite how packed it could get. Juzi I got a milkshake from Java and I wanted to cry. I felt so cheated. It suddenly felt watery. The shakes at Cafe Javas are heavenly. Did I mention the Pina Coladas! (Without rum, of course.) I guess I will never look at anything food related the same way again after Uganda. LOL. It suddenly makes more sense why the British with all their resources insisted on cutting through thickets, man-eaters, tribes with different temperaments, mountains and rift valleys to get to Uganda, the Pearl of Africa. I cannot even begin to get jealous. Idi Amin really did some serious injustice to the country.

Museveni. My fellow Kenyans, I was mistaken about him. This president is brilliant, very sharp and focused for his age (73) and he does not read speeches. At least he did not read one here. We were at the Africa Blockchain Conference when I changed my mind. Let’s try to forget that our gadgets had to be taken away because he was in the building and focus on this: He was speaking about blockchain and cryptocurrencies from a very informed perspective, referring to handwritten notes he had been making throughout. Before he stood up to speak, the Bank of Uganda governor had read out a very scary speech which had me wondering why we were there in the first place. You know, the usual we will not entertain anything that is about crypto because it is scam. Enter the president. He urged the governor to be more inquisitive about such technologies – not to be dogmatic – and then broke down the blockchain concept in such an easy-to-understand way that I felt challenged. I have been doing everyone who has asked me about bitcoin and blockchain an injustice the past four years. I can now break it down in one simple sentence from the president: The blockchain is like a global organization/sacco in which people trust each other, put everything in public record books so that anyone anywhere can know how many bulls Museveni has in I-don’t-know-where. He spoke a lot of Baganda too, so 5% of the jokes were lost on that.

Allow me to digress a bit. For some strange reason the conference organizers chose to have scams over too, exhibiting and all that. And that is exactly who the Ugandan media chose to interview too. This beats the whole point of trying to educate people about the benefits of new technologies. Dear Ugandans, please stay away from OneLife/OneCoin and any other thing that cheats you out of your money. Seriously. Fight the urge to get easy money. I mean, even a simple Google search tells you what is a scam and what is not very easily. The funny thing is we keep telling people to stay away from these schemes, even in Kenya, but get-rich-quick schemes always have followers. And things always go south. End of digression.

At one point, we went to this French place in a very upmarket part of Kampala. Holy Crepe. From the moment we sat down, in addition to a beautiful view of the residential Kampala, all we saw were people jogging up and down the hill. At 5PM. I found that very strange. At another point, a friend took me to another hotel, Mestil Hotel & Residences. I would expect the prices to be off the roof, and again, I was shocked. A good meal here ranges from USh 28,000 USh to 35,000 UGX. Brethren, this is way under KSh 1000. Sijui nirudi Uganda?

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But on the other hand, that money is confusing. You have so many zeroes in your pocket, but you literally have very little money. It confused me the whole time I was trying to pay for some stuff. I had to keep reaching out to Google to help me convert to Kenya Shillings to see if I was being ripped off. Then every time you get into a taxi (apparently, they also refer to matatus as taxis), the driver will close the windows very fast and rhetorically ask if you want your phone to be snatched. Turns out this is the order of the day in Kampala. Nairobi you are not alone. I also gave up on Uber here and stuck to Taxify. For some reason the latter drivers have it together than their Uber counterparts.

Also, there is no way I am spending my life on bodas. Bodas are so part of the system, there is UberBoda. I had to get on bodas thrice that week. The first time, I felt like I was going to go nuts. I never touch the rider leave alone hold on to him, so I have to find something to grip behind me. And all along way, you see women sitting sideways on these things. I am like, are you kidding me? And helmets are not a thing here either. The second time was riding down to Owino market because everyone in Kenya could not shut up about that place. First of all, it’s not all that but clothing is actually pretty cheap. Everything is under 1000 bob. No one has a mirror or a fitting room when you try on stuff because apparently, they are all doing it wholesale. *Rolls eyes repeatedly* I did not spend too much time here, because we were running a tight schedule, but it reminded me of a lesser organized Eastleigh. And that is saying a lot because Eastleigh is NOT organized. Did I mention the seller dudes who grab your arms and not let go like they are your boyfriends? That annoyed me bigtime. Hata afadhali makanga wa Kenya sasa. Also, people in the market try to speak some Swahili unlike everyone else Kampala. Or probably these are just the same Kenyans we know here.

I might keep going on and on – the little bit of Uganda I experienced felt so different yet so much like home – so let me stop. And I bet I only caught a glimpse – I have not done the city any writing justice. Yet. You can only learn and see so much in a few days.

Road trip to Jinja, anyone? I am ready to see more of Uganda. 🙂

Kampala Goodness Someone keeps saying I should do more travel pieces, but I keep fighting it, in the spirit of keeping things under wraps.

#Blockchain #Travel and Tourism #Uganda #Work

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hannybunny · 7 years

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Departure... Part 2

The final week left in California had been full of mixed feelings. Most had been bitter sweet, others I put on a strong front. Saying goodbye to my best friends were difficult. I cried often, imagining my 6 months without them being a part of it. They are my rock and foundation through thick and thin. They were there from stupid events and low moments in life to the unforgettable and happiest days of my life. I know that six months isn't too bad, considering that each of us are caught up with our own lives to spend every day together, but it felt like it would be an eternity before I saw them again. You think it's exaggeration, but you know those moments where it feels like the dreadful moments seem to last forever? Yeah. It feels like that. I'm not literally exaggerating, but figuratively exaggerating.

And it was true.

The number one person I would miss the most really had to be Jack. I didn't realize how much I depended on him until it was our final night together sharing my room. His eyes were large, confused as to why I was behaving in such a way, but despite strongly disliking the idea to be held, Jack behaved himself while I cried and smothered him against my chest.

I thought of all the days I would wake up without seeing my little bunny bouncing about the room or jumping on my bed when I was working or laying on my bed. I thought about the times where I wouldn't feel him running on my bed sheets, digging himself a handful of the blanket, or feeling his weight on my chest when he wanted me to wake up and feed him. I thought of how silent my room would be without hearing him scuffle about… As much as he was a trouble maker, his rambunctious actions gave me a sense of comfort. I could never sleep at night in silence because my thoughts were loud. I needed noise to lull me to sleep. Music, at the time, just brought me heartache, so I would watch Pewdiepie's videos from my laptop to bring me to sleep. Then eventually, it was just the sound of Jack moving around my room.

I thought of the times I would be sitting down on a chair, and I wouldn't feel Jack's fur rubbing against my leg because he would always sprawl out underneath my chair. I would miss looking over my shoulder and see Jack twitching in his sleep while he was in Cloud 9. I would miss being able to pet him and teach him his "round round" and giving him treats…

Even as I type this… or at any time I recall Jack whenever I am alone… I still cry.

When it was time for me to say goodbye to Jack, I sobbed my eyes out again. I hugged my baby and told him to behave while I would be gone for the next 6 months. I told him to not give my parents a hard time and to give them the same love and affection he gave me when I was at my weakest. I hope he gave my parents strength when their two daughters are living hours away. I know my parents are still sad time to time knowing that their home is empty.

The day of my departure was difficult. The moment I got in the car with my family along with my cousin, Lek, it suddenly felt surreal to me that I was officially leaving California for the next 6 months. Tears pricked at my eyes, and I started to cry.

At the airport, I only had twenty minutes to spend time with my family after getting my lugages checked in. It felt like time moved really fast, and I wanted to prolong my stay just a little longer. But when it was time for me to go, I couldn't stop the waterworks.

I knew I had severe separation anxiety since 6th grade. The moment I sat inside the bus, before our departure to 6th grade camp, I was already crying. The bus wasn't even turned on. But looking out the window and seeing my parents wave at me was enough to make me feel really sad. The hugs were my cue to cry. Because I knew that it would be hard for me to live alone in a foreign country without my parents. I knew that it would be hard to come home to a house that would be empty. I already knew that I wouldn't be able okay on my arrival or the following days after.

When I rode the escalator, I turned around and saw the four of them waving at me. I cried even harder. Looking at them, it broke my heart, and I was scared that I might change my mind at the last second. I tried to control my emotions, but it was difficult. The moment my dad called me, the waterworks came back. During the call, he passed the phone to everyone to wish me their last farewells before they left the airport. After that, I was really on my own.

There was a gentleman who stood behind me in line who spoke to me throughout our wait until we entered security. He asked me so many questions regarding residence and occupation. He meant no harm, and expressed that the reason why he asked me so many questions is because he knew I was in distress. He knew I was Filipino and expressed his sympathy, explaining that he worked in hospitals and knew that Filipino families have a tendency to be very protective of their children, especially for their daughters. He asked if I was traveling alone for my first time and I nodded. I told him that I was heading to Indonesia for a 6 month internship as a teacher. He expressed his admiration and support for my career. Unfortunately, I don't remember his name… all I can recall is that he was flying to Turkey to be reunited with his family. However, I will never forget his kindness. I was happy when I got to see him one last time at the waiting area before the buses separated us to our designated planes. We wished each other for the best.

In the waiting area, I felt so feeble. I didn't know what I was doing. I expressed gratitude when one Indian woman had reached out to me when I expressed my anxiety for my flight. She told me she would run back to me to check that I knew when to depart. As embarrassing as it was for me, I was really surprised by the amount of kindness I was bestowed with throughout my flight. Everyone was kind and patient to me when I was a mess and internally panicking every other minute.

My first flight took me to South Korea. It was an 11 hour straight flight. I was lucky that I got myself a window seat, and that the whole 3 rows were for myself. However, I didn't know if it was rude of me to sprawl out my legs across those three seats, so I just opted for hogging 2 seats and 3 pillows. Unfortunately, the entire flight, I wasn't able to catch a wink of sleep. I was suffering from lower back pain and constant bathroom trips (it's my fault for chugging an 18 oz of Happy Tea before my flight). Even with movies playing to lull me to sleep, it wasn't enough. So I suffered for the longest trip.

I remember panicking when I saw that we were landing in South Korea at first, because it was never listed on my ticket that we would make a stop first. I arrived in Korea at 10 pm (their time). I had to wait an hour for the crew to switch and clean the cabins before we continued to the next destination: Singapore (I made sure to vlog the airports I've visited for my curious friends).

The fly to Singapore was 4 to 5 hours long. Luckily, I was able to get sleep this time around, and had unfortunately lost my other free spots to a couple.

Arriving in Changi airport, I tried to record as much as I could about the world's best airport. However, I got lost. In addition, I sacrificed some time to do a live video both on instagram and on facebook to update my loved ones on my flight. I was lucky that Changi offered free wifi service for 3 hours. Luckily that was enough for my one hour wait there. To be honest, Changi airport is pretty cool and lives up to its reputation on the facebook video my sister had shared with me. Unfortunately, many shops were closed when I had done my quick tour, and the slide was nowhere in sight. On the bright side, I love the free massage chairs. They felt nice despite feeling really disgusting throughout my humid adventure.

I was five to ten minutes late to arrive on the given time to meet in the waiting room, but luckily when I had arrived, no one was boarding yet. I spent the remaining time talking with my dad over messenger.

My flight to Indonesia lasted for almost 2 hours. The plane I road reminded me of the planes from 2005. They had the old fashion handheld remotes from the side armrests. I was surprised that they still had these old planes. But hey, I guess if it's to be more economic, then good for them. Although I much preferred the touch screens and touch pads from my first plane.

I felt butterflies when the plane hovered over Indonesia. The main reason for these butterflies was because my boyfriend was already anxiously waiting for me at my apartment like we had planned. At the same time, I was anxious… anxious about meeting my hosts. In the end, I had nothing to worry about. I was blessed with two wonderful hosts who I became very close to.

And meeting my boyfriend for the first time…

Surreal.

{ Part 1 } || { Part 3 }

#Opendiary #livingthedream #InternshipIndonesia

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