#i very very rarely get called third person pronouns on the internet

[mrpsychokiller]

i keep getting really fucking jumpscared everytime someone calls me "he" im like oh yeah! those are my pronouns and people actually call me them. i forgot that was a thing

#i very very rarely get called third person pronouns on the internet #(since if i am talking to a friend for example they will just talk to me directly in second person) #so that means the vast majority of times i hear myself being referred in third person is irl when my family calls me she #and i dont LIKE it but i have zero other choice so i forget i even have another option #if that makes sense?????? #like wow..... my mom would never call me he but my friends do because they care about me and respect me #absolutely mindblowing concept

[starfieldcanvas]

how do you recommend coming up with a tumblr url?

First off, I strongly advise against fandom-based names unless the creator is dead and their work is something you've felt strongly attached to for the last twenty years, because fandoms change, creators turn out to be asshats, and it's a pain to have to change your URL because your hyperfixation passed or because associating with a fandom makes everyone think you're Schrodinger's bigot. (Shoutout to poor @luny0 💜) And of course it's also very confusing for your followers when you change names!

Second, be aware people will likely nickname you based on your URL — even if your internet name is in your bio like mine — and you can't predict exactly how they'll do it. @pilferingapples has an excellent username but didn't anticipate that it would be universally shortened to "Pilf." It took me forever to realize that @shitpostingfromthebarricade was called Barri, not as in a fem version of 'Barry' like Bari Weiss, but as in "Barricade." My friend @fleetingeternities (rest in peace🕊️) had a lovely name but also went by Flee, for short. So... think about that the same way you'd think about what your baby's initials would spell.

Third, I suggest thinking about how clear the starts and ends of each word in your username are. If a word later n the username starts with a vowel, will it get erroneously linked to the previous letter, or vice versa? It took me years to realize that @nurselofwyr 's username was Nurse Lofwyr and not Nursel of Wyr. Did I know what Nursel meant? No, but people have some pretty bizarre fandom and fantasy names on this hellsite. Users will go on trying to string letters together unless there's a hard stop, so if you want a username where the words might run together unhelpfully, consider hyphenating.

Just a little snippet of an idea, enough to give a vibe or a mental image, is great. Something whimsical, evocative, or downright silly. These things are easiest to achieve by pairing two words that can be imagined together but wouldn't normally go together or wouldn't go together in that grammatical format, e.g. starfishwhisper/ambient-color/marchbloom/goose-destroyer, genderflexing/hamsterwheeling/meme-foraging, frequentlykneecapped/rarelymarried/veryverily, etc. Or stack a few together, e.g. bigbadbandwidth, stabby-old-tabby, godawfulgayghost. Bonus if you get some alliteration or slant rhyme going.

Snapping a few out-of-context words from a quote is solid too: live-in-infamy, delenda-est, among-mad-people, rarely-make-history. They're not word for word quotes, so it's easier for them to morph into a collection of sounds that represent a person. I do know a lot of people have usernames that are full lines of poetry or song lyrics, but my personal opinion is that these tend to flow best as usernames when they're cut off before they get to full sentences. It's always a bit odd to address someone by a name with a pronoun inside it; that's how you get "ME SAW WHO!"

Unless you are on Tumblr for professional reasons, do not use your legal or professional name!

Obviously you always have the option to go with a fake proper noun, fantasy-name style — "larkacyn" or "devossa," or I dunno, "altseven" or "priov" if you're feeling more scifi — but I feel like if you had one of those you wanted to use, you wouldn't have sent this ask.

And of course...all the truly top tier usernames are puns. If you're really committed to getting a fandom name, bury it in a pun, like @owlmylove or like my ao3 username.

(All examples made up of the top of my head unless they're tagged users. You are welcome to any of my nonsense)

#dove.txt #this was such an interesting question. thank you #asked and answered #tumblr meta #sign of the times

[keagan-ashleigh]

I have some new followers so I guess it's time to do another little presentation post 😌

About me

Hi! My name is Keagan, but also Clémentine (my birthname - you can use both, you can call me Clem too). I am currently 34, I live in France (in the south), and I am a graphic designer and illustrator - and hopefully in a couple months aspiring web designer 🤞

I am a proud bisexual & greysexual (I'll often just say "ace").

And I am nonbinary: I think genderfluid - I identify as woman sometimes but many other times this just makes me feel like it's not really me, it doesn't quite fit. I identify sometimes as a woman - I identify with what women experience also, I am a feminist and my experience is one of a woman, and although I don't identify as woman most of the time I feel to be part of it - and most of the time as nothing at all.

Edit, I forgot the pronouns : she/they (elle/iel or ael in french); I don't have preferences, but I've been called "she" all my life and very rarely experienced being addressed with "they" so I'd really like people to use it more. 😊

Also I am disabled: I am autistic - not diagnosed yet but I have just started the process of getting it diagnosed. I also have dyscalculia, and chronic pain (my squeleton is sliiightly crooked, not much but enough to cause me immense pain 🥲 - in knees, back, and hips) - I also have generalised anxiety disorder and depression. And I am short-sighted and I have tinnitus, and a couple other things.

I have been touched by a bitch of a fairy at birth I tell you 😂

I am very open about all of this so if you happen to need someone to talk to about those subjects, I'm here, I can't provide answers but I can share my experiences.

About my blog(s)

I have a blog for my art here: @keagan--ashleigh ; both are me, I've just put an extra dash as to not confuse people when they see 2 usernames interacting with them 😅

I have been on this blue hell since 2012, at first I had an aesthetic blog but it very quickly became a social justice blog, and I created a side blog (this one) for fandoms, at first mainly spn, then BBC Sherlock, and although I kept the title and decorum it returned to its multifandom/multisubjects state.

I also talk about other subjects occasionally, it's not a one-subject blog, I often blog & reblog funny stuff, social justice, etc.

I occasionally post in french but I have associated Tumblr with english strongly - I will maybe introduce a bit more of french in here idk.

I usually liveblogs Eurovision, the past years I have been doing that on Twitter bc it's hard to livetweet and liveblog at the same time but if twitter goes down I'll come back here lmao. And on twitter I also sometimes livetweet Top Chef in french but I might to that in here as well if I can't on Twitter idk - is there an audience for that here idk 😅

Most of my french specific stuff where on twitter, like I said I have associated tumblr with english and international stuff, and I don't know how I'll gonna get my french internet experience back in tumblr, we'll see but maybe you'll see more of my french specific stuff in the future, or I'll make a third side blog idk yet.

Worth to note I have a tagging system on both my blogs - and I tag the spoilers (unless for some reason I forget).

I often vent in the tags - it was, in this regard, better when ops couldn't see the tags in their notifications :o) I feel exposed now 😭

My ask box is always open.

About fandoms and opinions

My fandoms are: BBC Sherlock, Supernatural, Marvel, Our Flag Means Death, What We Do In The Shadows, Good Omens, Doctor Who, etc

My favorite ships: johnlock, destiel, Aziraphale & Crowley, lokius, nandermo, gentlebeard, 13th & Yaz, etc

About opinions and discourses:

I am a ship and let ship kind of person but that doesn't mean I approve of everything. I will never use the terms proshipper/anti because those words have been bastardised and the definition changes everytime I see it show up - so it's better if I just tell you what I like and don't like: I do not like incest ships, I do not like pedo ships, I am not against the fact of writing about those things but I don't like them being romanticised and glorified even. And no I don't think "it's ok because it's fiction" - whether it be fanwork or else what is written or shown in fiction has an impact on the real world, always, in a positive or negative way.

I will not engage in discourses about that though because it is tiring and useless.

I will not engage in ageist discourses either because - yes I think it's stupid to say fun has an end for people when they reach 30 but time will prove ageist people wrong and it's just sound stupid to me to have fights with literal kids over this. I'd rather enjoy my shit in my corner and not bother or be bothered by any of this.

I see a lot of ageism and condescendance from older people as well and I don't like that, being young doesn't mean people's inputs and opionions are wrong. About the fact joy must end at 30, yes, but cutting the discussions short (on various subjects) with "young people are so prude now / they don't enjoy anything/ yadda yadda"... no. No let's not do that. Times are changing and maybe some things we thought were ok then are not ok now and before we shut them up I think maybe we should listen and question what we think is true, let's not become the boomers of this generation ok, let's keep our minds open and be critical of ourselves first, we might at worst expand our worldview. And of course it goes both ways. Respect goes both ways.

At large, I will mostly enjoy my stuff and not engage with negativity, i do not have the mental health to deal with that, if people are wrong let them be wrong in their corners. Not saying I will never engage in any sort of argument but I'd rather stay away from most (especially those 2 I mentioned). I will never stop criticise mofftiss and Sherlock s4 though 😂

I also do not like ship hate.

I am uncomfortable with shipping real people but I am not against it of course do as you please as long as you don't overstep & be rude with the real people you're shipping.

And also, if I see someone implying a real person is "queerbaiting" because they appear queer & bully them into coming out I will virtually slap you in the head, ok, real people don't queerbait, period.

Last thing: I stand with the L, the G, the B, the T, the A, and all the other letters of that beautiful acronym so if you don't include trans people and ace people: please begone. :)

And also I try to be inclusive, I will not overstep and speak above other communities but I will try my very best to listen and forward those people's voices. I will not engage in discussions/arguments I am not meant to be a part of. I will try my best to take my part in making bigots feel unwelcome.

This blog, and all my accounts here and elsewhere are meant to be safe spaces for LGBTQIAP+, POC, disabled people, etc.

About me (again) - hobbies & creation

I happen to make fanarts, and I write fanfics and ficlets, I also do fanplaylists. Writing is one of my hobbies beside drawing, I also do photography, and I have recently started sculpting too. I love creating stuff so I often make little things, like I can sew, craft stuff, I do bullet journaling, etc.

Like I said I'm a professional artist, you'll find all the infos on my other blog but basically : I draw fantasy art, mostly women and feminine people.

I love science (astronomy and astrophysics in particular), arts, cats (I have 4), animals in general, I love music (I have eclectic tastes, I like rock, metal, classic, pop, jazz, etc...), I love to read & watch movies and shows (also eclectic but I love SFFF and horror the most).

---

Voilà, I guess it covers the basis of who I am and what this blog is. Welcome and I hope you enjoy the ride (if you don't it's ok, just don't be rude). 🥰

#about me #know your blogger #presentation post #my posts

[mallowstep]

Genetics ask! I know that male torties/torbies are very rare and caused by a genetic mutation, but with those who do exist, are there any prerequisites with their parents? I’m assuming they’d have to carry the red gene since tortoiseshell is one red, one not-red, but I barely know anything. And based on this, is it better to just headcanon cats like Redtail as biologically female?

alright! hello, anon.

since i had to do more research than usual for this one, reminder that:

i am not an expert. i can and will be wrong. you can find my self-corrections under #corrections, but those are only things i or others have noticed, and that i've had the time to write a correction to and explain.

disclaimers out of the way, let's talk about tortie toms. (and torbie toms, and calico toms, it's all the same deal.)

if you know how ginger works, you can skip the next few paragraphs.

orange (ginger, red, etc.) is sex-linked in cats. what this means is that the gene that causes orange cats is on the x chromosome. it is also codominant, which means that having an orange x chromosome (Xo) and a non-orange x chromosome (X) is not black or orange, but both.

basically:

X or XX: black

Xo or XoXo: orange

XXo: tortoiseshell

yeah?

now, for the rest of this post, i'm going to be writing O and o instead of Xo and X because it's one less character and i don't run the risk of putting three x chromosomes together.

okay. so because torties need two x chromosomes, they're typically female. the way tortie itself works is basically, cells activate one of the genes (O or o) at random, creating patches. so you need two copies.

wikipedia says about a third of male torties have klinefelter's, which is the XXY karyotype. while this does have physical changes associated with it, the only way to confirm (humans have) klinefelter's is to test it genetically.

luckily, cats are very helpful about demonstrating it. what with them being tortie and all.

(we're also lumping in the variations of klinefelter's here. you can get XXYY, etc., and they all fit into the same broad idea.)

anyway, the extra x chromosome can come from either the mother or the father. this makes tortie toms...not quite easier, since the prereqs are the same, but y'know. if mom is Oo, dad doesn't matter. if mom is OO, dad has to be o, and if mom is oo, dad has to be O. same rules as usual.

XXY toms are going to be...not sterile, but pretty infertile. using human stats, about 50% can produce sperm, although the likelihood of them having kits is still low. humans with klinefelter's are also taller than average, so keep that in mind.

again, and this might be a correction on my part, i can't remember, but tortie toms aren't strictly going to be visibly different than other toms.

okay, so most people stop at klinefelter's, but there are two other ways to get tortie toms: mosiacism and chimerism. these are often confused/combined, but because i strive for generally being accurate, i'll go over them both.

mosaic cats carry multiple genetic lines, because of a mutation. this can either be somatic (happens in the body, is not hereditary), or germline (happens in reproductive cells of parents, is hereditary).

this is not always a gain of a line, you can lose a chromosome as well. the difference between somatic and germline and how it affects torties goes over my head, so i'm not going to speak to it, other than i'm pretty sure we're talking about somatic mosaicism. i think. again, not a biologist or geneticist, just a hobbyist with an internet connection.

right, so what happens is basically, some cells lose their extra x chromosome, giving you a cat with karyotype XXY/XY. these cats are more likely to be fertile and generally have less effects of klinefelter's. i'm not entirely sure how this affects tortie presentation, if at all, but it does happen.

i suppose you could also have some kind of mutation that gives you an extra x spontaneously, but that would be unlikely to cause torties, because it would also have to mutate into the other O allele.

again, i really want to stress that while i'm not bullshitting, i'm also not speaking definitively here.

last up is chimerism, where two embryos fuse in the womb, creating mixed genes.

i'm using a picture of a dog, here, because this is what goes through my head when i think of chimeras. you'll have to take my word for it, but while this would be a normal tortie cat, it can't really happen in dogs without some kind of mutation. and chimerism, given the extent of the patching, is pretty likely.

right! chimera torties are going to be, afaik, normal levels of fertile, although it's likely that they can pass on either black or red, not both.

(while i'm here, before we move on, there are a lot of types of chimeras. this type is called tetragametic chimerism, and it's rare in humans but more common in other animals. it's hard to know how common it is, because the differences are often very subtle, and hard to test. it's also not mutually exclusive with mosaics or klinefelter's, just to really muddy the waters.)

i don't have statistics for how common mosaics and chimeras are, and there's always, "a different type of mutation that doesn't fall into this category"

for mosaics and chimeras, the rules for inheritance seem to be the same as for klinefelter's. there's the added note that, because there can be multiple sires within one litter, a ginger queen could have kits with a ginger tom, and get a tortie son, as long as she also...ahem...with a black(/brown, etc.) tom. (or vice versa, with all brown and a ginger.)

okay! so that's basically how it happens.

as for the second part of this question, well. "is it better?" is a matter of opinion. i don't think anyone is wrong for having tortie toms. i don't care. (a) it is possible, and (b) we're all just having fun.

i, personally, do not think redtail is karyotype XX, because i like him being sandstorm's father with brindleface. idk. i like brindleface. yes, i know this raises huge genetic problems, and it's not very canon. i don't really care. i read that redtail fic where he thinks about sand&brindle as he's dying and it hasn't left me.

that said, i'm still a sucker for trans redtail. love it. idk, this is kind of hard to explain. like? it's not my headcanon, but i still appreciate it.

anyway! to the point: if you care about statistics and likelihoods and how many tortie toms you've had in the clan, yes, you're probably better off saving your chromosome anomalies for when they need to have kits, and using XX karyotype for the rest.

(under the cut: matthew rambles about trans cats and gender identity for a while)

i'm pretty sure cats don't have the western concept of gender. i don't think they have a human concept of gender, either, but at some point i need to be able to pin down something, and i think a third/fourth gender is closer to what they have.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately, because i decided i wasn't satisfied with my old approach to trans cats. i can do better than that. i decided cats don't have gendered pronouns, so why should the solution be, "trans cats don't really get to do anything about it"

no. i am dissatisfied with that.

at the same time, for specific reasons: i also don't think cats are trans in the western sense of the word.

because if for nothing else, remember that cat sexual dimorphism has a bigger effect on their life than in humans.

like, queens are going to be uncomfortable around male cats they don't hella trust and their kits. that doesn't go away if said male cat isn't a tom. y'know?

i'm in a constant state of tweaks with this, because i basically: form opinion, test opinion, refine opinion. my initial opinion was too harsh. and!

part of what's changed is i decided i wanted fernsong to be able to raise his kits in the nursery instead of ivypool. so i had to adjust how i think the nursery and queens work, slightly, to permit for that. now, i can turn back to gender and think about it some more.

i'm not going to coin any new terms, because i'm not in that kind of mood, but i think there is some idea of a female cat who is not a she-cat. i don't think the cats would call them a tom, but i'm not sure what they would say or how they would describe it.

i think they would just, on some level, get it.

actually okay you know what! i do need some lingo here. queens = cats who are raising kits in the nursery. she-cats = XX karyotype, considers self female (cis, if you will). toms = XY karyotype, considers self male (cis, again). and uh...we'll go with...

god i hate. i don't want anything i say in this ramble to be considered "words i am going to now use consistently" because i literally just need some way to describe this for my own sanity. with that in mind, let us use molly for XY karyotype, but not a tom, and...how about gib for XX karyotype, not a she-cat.

again, i don't want that to be considered permanent, i'm just fishing at words people use to describe cats so i can have something to work with.

right so, i don't think cats think gib and tom are equivalent, but i also don't think they (as a society) care about that.

like, okay, let's say redtail is XX, but not a she-cat. there's nothing to really be done (heck, if he wants to be a queen, that's still fine), cats don't have gendered pronouns or names, but at the same time, there's an intuitive understanding of what that means.

this kind of ties into the matriarchy, kind of? like, hm, queens are an important part of the matriarchy, but at the same time, she-cats inherit family lines. not that cats inherit much, but still.

i'm getting very abstract here. take, uh, like let's say a hypothetical trans mothwing. i think a lot of people have that headcanon?

and i think, like, mothwing would not be considered a tom. if cats had a concept of sexuality, leafpool would not be straight, because she likes mothwing, and mothwing is not a tom.

but! i would still think willowshine probably is the first line for nursery visits, at least when the kits are very young.

and i don't think anyone there would be unhappy with that deal.

right. i just kept rambling for a while, because i've been thinking about this and obviously it's semi-tied to the question.

tl/dr: cats don't care about gender, because they are cats meowing at each other in the woods. if a cat says they're not agab, everyone is just cool with that.

#ask #anon #essay #long #ask to tag #jic #mine #txt #genetics #redtail #warriors genetics #trans cats

[werevulvi]

I hope these show up in the right order. This kinda stuff is exactly what makes me feel lost about my transness. Like I was just trying to be nice and agreed with this person's post. I had no interest in being an asshole or arguing what bio sex, or even what butch, is. I was just declaring myself as a bio female because it felt relevant to the topic and how I relate to it. It amazes me how even the pro self-ID types are against self-ID when someone identifies in a way that doesn't suit their narrative, even when it's a trans person whose identity they deny.

They blocked me and I don't want anyone going after them, I just wanna rant. And not even about this specific post or person, but more so about trying to exist as a gender critical trans person in general. I've been thinking about that for days, weeks, perhaps months or even years already, so it's really not about this specific person. I guess it was just what triggered me to finally start writing.

I guess I feel like both most other trans people and most other gender critical people, view transness as incompatible with gender critical opinions, and like that makes me feel pulled in two opposing directions. But anyone of any ideology can be dysphoric and transition because it helps them cope. I don't think that my opinions, or my choice to hang out with radfems, means that I'm self-hating, or even that I'm going against the needs of my own trans demographic. My own trans demographic is just all too good at confusing wants with needs... generally speaking. I see sex and gender the way I do because it makes sense to me personally, and I don't even argue that it's necessarily the objective truth. I don't think there is such a thing. It's just my truth, my perception of the world.

That I can't make myself see myself as a man for real, despite my dysphoria and transition, doesn't mean that I think it's wrong to transition, or that my body is damaged by it, or that transitioning is useless. Because it's not. I love my transition and everything it has given me. I'm comfortable with my transitioned body. It deserves love, especially my love. And although I still struggle with some insecurities, I feel like I love my body. It's been... incredibly good to me. It's stayed very healthy, and even keeping up a strong immune system despite my smoking, self harm, careless sexual escapades, etc. I may still have a fraught relationship with being female, but as long as I transition, I seem to be managing it fairly well. Except then I have a more fraught relationship with society instead. Can't win, but that's life, innit?

I don't think either my transness or my political opinions are my real problem or ever was. I think it's society's constant fighting about trans people's genders, lives and choices, that makes me constantly cave in on myself. Can't handle the pressure.

It feels like it's only ever getting worse. Ten years ago my biggest concern was people not ever finding me attractive because I was turning myself into some kind of a freak, which luckily I was proven to be wrong about. Five years ago my biggest concern was nonbinary people trying to normalize asking people their pronouns, which made me fear that people would never leave me alone about my gender, unless I forced myself to be hyper-masculine, which I still worry about. Three years ago my biggest concern was having been stripped of my sex-based rights and dehumanized for how I had chosen to treat my dysphoria, which I still worry about as well, and now...

...my biggest concerns are being treated as a third gender, fetishistic predator who should be shoved away into gender neutral spaces, and I fear that one day medical transition will be taken away as an option to treat dysphoria if transness is continued to be rejected as a medical condition. My heart rate is ever increasing. Can I even realistically "just go on with my life" anymore? I feel compelled to do something, but I also feel like there isn't anything I can do. No matter how many people I try to "educate" about dysphoria and why transition is incredibly important, all the while being as humble as I can, I am seriously lacking behind the much faster spread of harmful misinformation.

Thing is, I do not blame gender critical people for spreading some of that misinformation. For example of trans women as fetishistic predators, which people apply to trans men when they still fail to understand that MtF is not the only kinda trans there is, or when we dare to be just a little bit feminine while passing as male. If anything, I blame the true sources of such harmful claims, which slowly increase my anxious heart rate, over years, turning into decades, of living as openly trans. I blame opportunistic men who pretend to be trans women for gaining access to women's spaces, be it prisons, spas, shelters, sports, what have you, when they cannot possibly be dysphoric judging by how happily they swing their dicks around women as if it's no big deal and make no attempt at transitioning, but also who cares if they are dysphoric, no one should behave that way either way. I blame the trans rights activists who say lesbians have to suck dick if it's attached to a trans woman, and those who say that gay men have to be into pussy and date trans men. I blame those who say that trans women are bio female by virtue of identifying as female, and claiming that they can get periods, by virtue of... bowel cramps?! I'd also blame those who try to change female specific language on behalf of shielding trans men from our own dysphoria, in the rare cases we'd end up getting pregnant or manage to drag our asses to the gyno office for a pap smear, which... most of us really don't, regardless of if you call us women or uterus-havers, sincerely, please stop. It makes people think trans women are trying to take over the term "woman" entirely for themselves, which of course they don't.

I could go on, but I won't, as this post is not about these things. It's more so about how estranged I feel from the people who spout these things, knowing that they think they're speaking for me and my supposed needs as a tranny. But I see no point in trying to educate them, as they won't listen any more to me than they would to a radfem, and again, I think this post in my screenshots shows just how unwilling they are to listen to me.

I guess living with my transition on constant display is what's hard, and I guess I just need to vent about that, as it's always judged one way or the other; as either me having made myself into a man, or that I'm a delusional woman who mutilated herself; and it's kinda hard to find a kind and sane middle ground, that perhaps I'm just a victim of circumstances, and trying to make the most of my own life, regardless of what the fuck I am. That social shit, on top of dealing with dysphoria, makes it really difficult to not hate myself, I guess. But I have tried to live stealth and that made it if possible even worse, as it felt like I was lying, keeping a huge secret that grew in me like a spreading virus.

What I want is to just live my life, and for neither my bio sex, nor my transition, to stop me from doing that. I want to work through the worst of my autism, enough to be able to pursue a career in some low-paying labor, blue-collar job; get a car and driver's licence, find a suitable husband to have a child and cats with; I want my own garden, an art studio; I want to build muscle to become strong and even more independent (and perhaps strong enough to carry that husband, but at least to carry myself), and so on. When I picture myself in that potential future, it is with this male-like appearance I transitioned my body into, but it is also as a mother and wife.

And thinking about all of that makes me happy, it makes me smile and feel joy, meaningfulness, hope... While thinking about arguing online with some miserable fuck, who's deadset on arguing semantics and calling me a terf, when all I wanted was to show a little bit of kindness, that "hey, I agree with you, you make a good point here, and I'm not here to fight" only to be spat right back into my face... just makes me feel sad. Whatever happened to diversity of opinion? It's gone, it became labeled as bad, and left people like me with no place to be.

There is no point in arguing with such people, or even trying not to argue. There's no winning in that, there's no reward, no accomplishment. It's better to walk away.

I know I just have to get over this, this inner conflict of going against my transness with my gender critical opinions, and that I'm going against my womanhood with my transition - and be stronger than the political climate that's pulling me into pieces. But if it's peace that I want... I can just forget about it. There's no road there. But I have trouble letting go of that simple dream. The internet is constantly manipulating me into thinking I have an exciting social life, when in fact it's non-existent, and the lie is destructive. With internet vs real life, I'm living a double life. One of those lives has a future, the other one does not.

I'm glad I made this rant. It actually made me feel better, and reminded me that it's still worth it. Being trans, moving forward, focusing on what is good and what can become good in life. And it reminded me that the internet is merely an imitation of life, a substitute for human connection, and can... as with much else, be both good and bad.

#discourse #venting #tired of being pulled in opposing directions #because im not the right kinda trans #or the right kinda feminist #i have to live with myself and i dont know how #focusing back on what actually matters in life #just thoughts #gender politics #ok to rb

[thaeher]

°✧｡ [LINDSEY MORGAN, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER] It's been two years since Occāsus joined velia from Baltimore, Maryland, USA. Apparently their name is Raeka Flores and they're an archer. The have been fighting as a vixen member for a while now. Didn't people say they were a beta tester? I heard they turned twenty-five this year. Let's hope they make it out alive.

About Raeka

Raeka Flores has no recollection of her parents, despite living with them for a few years before they seemingly disappeared. Thought she’s always had the option to find out what happened to them, she prefers not to know.

Despite living in a few different foster homes with adoptive families through the years, Raeka never found somewhere that she could call home. There was one family that she could see herself staying with, and she did for several years, but in the end Raeka’s lack of trust and fear of abandonment led to her pushing them away and they let her.

She did form a close bond with a few of her foster siblings, and kept in touch with them consistently up until she joined Velia. Raeka worries about those that are younger and still in the system, but trusts that her older “siblings” will look after them.

One of her foster sisters, Violet, was terminally ill when Rae entered the game. The doctors guessed that she had a year left to live. Rae hopes she’ll get to see her again, but doesn’t know that Violet passed away two months ago (just before her fifteenth birthday).

She doesn’t mind being called Raeka by those that would know her real name, or Rae by those she’s extremely close with.

Raeka wouldn’t have been able to afford the VR gear she needed to play if she wasn’t working three jobs at the time of release, and if one of the jobs wasn’t at a game shop that offered an employee discount/

Occāsus, the name most would know her by, is the latin word for a falling, the setting (of the sun), ruin, the end, etc.

Raeka is an archer, a well practiced skill that she’s proud of. She is also a guard for the Vixens.

Rae never had any intentions on joining a guild, she figured she would always be solo and team up only with those that she trusted. This included Jal, who Raeka had fallen for after spending a lot of time with them in the game.

One day, Rae was unexpectedly attacked by another player and though she fought her hardest she knew she was being overpowered and was sure it was the end for her. But, one of the Vixens happened to be nearby and heard the commotion. They saved her, and promised her the shelter and time to heal that she desperately needed if she returned to their headquarters.

Raeka has stuck with the Vixens since, though it has only been a month or so, partially because she feels indebted to them and partially because she feels safer with an entire team to back her up. Rae hated feeling so vulnerable that day, and never wants to feel the same again.

wanted connections

A foster sibling - this could be one that joined around the same time as Rae, not realizing what would happen, or one that joined knowing what was going on if they wanted to help her (probably around her age or older in this case?). Either way, Rae is guaranteed to protect them no matter what (this will probably be sent as a wanted connection to the main, since it’s a bigger connection).

The Vixen that saved her ass - While the player that attacked her is likely dead, the Vixen that helped her kill them would likely be someone that Rae trusts. It’s rare for her to put a lot of trust into people, but she knows that this person had her back when she meant nothing to them.

Training Buddy - this is someone that Rae hangs out with the level, though she can probably handle the monsters herself she figures that it’s always nice to have back up (just in case), and someone to talk to so the process isn’t quite as mundane.

Little sibling-esque figure - Being a beta tester, Rae knew some information that others may not have coming into the game. This would just be someone that she helped guide through the beginning stages. Maybe they’ve grown apart since then, or maybe they’re as close as ever.

TBA.

Current Connections

Jaleh Zandi aka Thanatos - Jal and Rae met in game. The two developed crushes on one another after spending a lot of time together. The two haven’t spoken since Raeka joined the Vixens, Rae is endlessly guilty for disappearing the way she did but she’s sure that Jal will understand when she gets a moment to explain herself (though, the no dating policy of the Vixen’s inhibits them regardless).

Jack Navarro aka Jupiter - Jupiter and Occāsus teamed up early on, and though they aren’t particularly close, the two have always had each other’s back in battle since beta testing. They fight well together, as they’ve learned each others styles and habits throughout the years. Things between them are somewhat unspoken and just come naturally. When the two were in the beta test, they were friends with a younger player that they sort of carried through the game. Upon release, all three reunited and Jack and Rae continued to help the third player out. Until, during one dungeon, it was too much for them to handle and the player was killed. Both Jack and Rae blame themselves, and haven’t spoken to each other in fear that the other will blame them as well.

Abby Valentine aka Noir - These two are a powerful duo that should undoubtedly be feared by anyone that opposes them. They fight together like a well-oiled machine and have been known to team up in and outside of dungeons despite being in separate guilds.

Yong Kyu-Chul aka Silver - Early into the game, Silver attempted to give Occāsus some tips on how to complete a task. Rae took this as him looking down on her, as if she was weak and needed his help. It was a misunderstanding, of course, but to this day whenever Silver offers her unrequested assistance, Rae can’t help but to glare at him.

TBA.

About the Writer

Hello, everyone! My name’s Heather, I live in New York (therefore, EST), and I use she/her pronouns. I’m a leo, I’m not a morning person at all (mostly because of my typical work hours being 2-10p), I’m a cat person (I have two, but I also just love all animals tbh) and I’m very fascinated by this rp we’ve all decided to join. To warn everyone, my internet sucks because of me living in the middle of nowhere, and the weather sometimes causes outages. Also, sometimes my J, L & K keys don’t work right so if I write something and they’re missing please forgive me!!

I love plotting so pls feel free to pop in with any ideas you have that you think Rae could fit into!! Or just message me to say hi!

#veliaintro #veliaplot #illness tw #death tw

[kingofthewilderwest]

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. I was tagged by @dyannehs​

LAST:

1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: Myself. Because I lost my cell phone. Outside of that, my mom! 3. Text message: One of my awesomeful friends of awesomeness who I’ve nicknamed Hux (she’s the Hux to my Kylo!) 4. Song you listen to: A nerdy composition project I’m working on. *grins* It’s a secret ’cause I’m gonna share online when I’m done! 5. Time you cried: Actual-actual cry? Don’t remember. Tears in the eyes? Maybe like two days ago? Yay for being broke.

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: Yes, I have dated the same person twice, and both experiences were quite wonderful indeed! And I’d probably date her a third time if life came around to it - both times we broke up came from us being too timid to do basic communication about relationship goals. We’re still really good friends rn - honestly either as friends or as dates, I’m happy either way! 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes 8. Been cheated on: Not in the sex way, but my first relationship ended because my current gf was hitting blatantly on someone in front of my face, and while we were talking about maybe doing a poly thing, this hitting-on-someone-else was in the venue of putting aside and ignoring me, and that wasn’t okay.  9. Lost someone special: Yes. 10. Been depressed: Oh shit I forgot my depression meds again... *runs to take them* Umm. Yes. The answer’s yes. High-functioning depression, here I am, prime example. Yayyyy [sarcasm] 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don’t drink alcohol so nope.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 

12. Silver 13. Chocolate brown 14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Aye! 16. Fallen out of love: Not really? I mean I don’t know how to explain it. 17. Laughed until you cried: Thanks to Lance and Kaltenecker, yes. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I guess my coworkers thought I was quitting instead of just reducing my hours, so I had to fix that rumor chain straight. 20. Found out who your friends are: I think that’s always an ongoing thing in life. This year, I’d say that I’ve had reaffirmations that the people I care about care about me, so that’s really awesome. It’s wonderful to know that people are thinking of me. And I’m thinking of you, friends! 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yep!

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: About 99% of them. It’s very rare for me to add an internet friend to my FB contacts. 23. Do you have any pets: No. My apartment only allows cats and dogs, and I want guinea pigs again. ;_; 24. Do you want to change your name: I’m proud of my name and have used it as a source of inspiration (it means “pure”). That said, in the last few years, I feel increasingly distanced from my name and honestly think of myself far more as being named “Haddock.” Haddock is my name, my birth name is second. Still a good name, but I’m a Haddock. 25. What did you do for your last birthday: On the day itself: relaxed, bought myself froyo, Skyped family, chilled, was awesome. The general-ish week of my birthday: had a dinner with family, stayed up and binged all of VLD S4 the night it came out, hung out with a friend and also binged VLD. Basically, a lot of VLD. 26. What time do you wake up: The number fluctuates quite wildly day-per-day because “sleep schedule” is a myth. Today, I got up at 11 AM. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Answering asks on tumblr and PMing/texting a few good friends. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Having enough money to live comfortably and not stress every time rent week comes around. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: A few days ago, Friday. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Oh where do I fucking start... Well. The biggest thing is I’d do is go back in time and prevent a terrifyingly bad argument/falling out with my ex/ex best friend that happened in 2011-2012, not because I want to still be friends with this person (I don’t anymore), but because the experience was very... traumatic... to both of us and I’d love us not to live with those mental scars. I’m still getting over those scars and it sucks. 31. What are you listening to right now: The composition I’m working on. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah. Don’t know anyone well named Tom, though. One of my coworkers is a Tommy if that counts? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: There’s one wonderful friend of mine who’s going through a really challenging time. I want to help them so badly, but they’ve been closed off and hermitting themselves to the point I think it’s harmful for them, it’s hard to contact them to help them, and they live too far away for me to check on them in person easily. I want to do anything to see them in person to help, or to talk to them, or anything... sitting in silence makes me very worried because this wonderful human soul deserves all the love and support they can get for what they’re going through. 34. Most visited website: Tumblr, Facebook, Netflix, Google. 35. Mole/s: I have two bumps on my forehead, one to either side. I jokingly call them horns, but they’re not evenly lined up, and the one on my left is much larger than the one on my right. 36. Mark/s: Bellybutton scar from a second degree burning incident, lots of scars on my hands right now from falling on concrete two months back, lots of scars on my wrists from a whole bunch of whatnot (I even have one from my sophomore year of high school when a school binder scraped me?), oh. And I have basically leopard-speckled shoulders from countless acne/pimple scars. For unnatural marks... three tats! Plans to get at least two more. 37. Childhood dream: To be a published, bestselling author or a college prof. 38. Hair color: Currently dark brown with bleached bangs and a strip on the right side. Natural hair color is what I call “dusty brown” and some people would call dirty blonde; it’s in that random in-between blonde and brown where the top is blonde-ish and the bottom is rather brown. 39. Long or short hair: I have the conundrum of enjoying my hair either really long or really short. I’m in the process of regrowing it to the long stage. It’s sort of at the bottom-of-the-shoulder-blades/boob length now. Goal is to go back to waist length. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Does Takashi Shirogane count? 41. What do you like about yourself: Honestly, quite a lot? XD I’m very thankful to be a nerd who is apt to learn anything from sciences to arts and music and sports. I’m thankful to be a musician, a composer, a creative writer, an animation junkie, an analytical and logical mind, a complete and utter NERD beyond belief who lives in nerd culture. I love my appearance, I love my facial hair, I love my eyebrows and face shape, I love my body shape, I love that I’m left-handed, I love that I’m not conventionally pretty. I love being a Christian. I love being aroace. I mean when I’m not in a depressive, self-deprecating mode, I really am proud and thankful to be who I am all across the board; there’s very little that I dislike about myself. Mostly what I dislike is my current life situation of not being anywhere career-wise. Everything else, pretty happy. :) 42. Piercings: Two on each earlobe and one halfway up the cartilage. Dammit and I wanted like a dozen piercings by this type in my life. Get me a more stable paycheck and we’re fixing this! 43. Blood type: O+. Most common blood type, woot? 44. Nicknames?: I’ve had a terrifying slew of nicknames over the years. Currently, the most common ones are Haddock, King, (Kylo) Ren, Spock, and Toast. 45. Relationship status: Single in my chill natural habitat. 46. Zodiac: I am so bitter about my Zodiac sign I refuse to say it even though it’s not too hard to figure out what it is given other answers to this meme. 47. Pronouns: He/his/him, though honestly I really don’t care too much what people toss at me. 48. Favorite TV Show: Voltron: Legendary Defender. 50. Right or left hand: LEFT-HANDED WOOOOOOOO LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFT LEFTY PRIDE YOOOO! 51. Surgery: When I was nine I had four baby teeth and then the four adult teeth under them removed. Basically, a wisdom tooth like surgery but younger and with different teeth. 52. Hair dyed in different color: FUCK YEAH! I was getting really bored of my natural hair color but was keeping it natural for the purpose of looking professional (job searches). I’d been wanting to reinstate some purple and black again, but with my current job only allowing “natural” hair colors, I decided I couldn’t go that route. Instead I bleached the front and dyed the rest dark brown in a sort of inspiration from Takashi Shirogane. 53. Sport: I played soccer all growing up, so much fun. Love jogging. Sports are great, miss having the opportunity to do team stuff. Also really enjoy watching professional gymnastics, soccer, American football, and especially tennis. 55. Vacation: I want to see so many locations oh my fuck. My “to go to” list includes Bhutan, Nepal, China/Tibet, Mongolia, Cambodia (again... come on I miss it!), Thailand, Laos, Vietnam, Japan, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom (England & Scotland), Norway, Canada, Peru, Mexico, South Korea, India, Myanmar, Austria, Germany, Iceland... um. Yeah. You. Get the picture. I NEED TO TRAVEL, YO! 56. Pair of trainers: Uh they’re like really raggedy and old and stuff

MORE GENERAL: 

57. Eating: I’m snacking on M&Ms again, like always. 58. Drinking: Water, though methinks I shall make some homemade ginger tea. 59. I’m about to: Probably go shower. It’s 3 PM and I still am in my pajamas. 62. Want: To fucking write and do NaNo and yet life’s been busy and I haven’t had the time for a word but I HAVE SO MANY VLD FANFICS I WANT TO DO AND AURGHGHGHGHGHGH the goal is to somehow write and finish my universal translator mix-up one this month???? We’ll see! Translators, stay tuned, and thanks again for offering to help! 63. Get married: 97% of me doesn’t want to get married I think? 64. Career: Linguistics consultant of doom. Not sure if this can be a career but if I could, I would enjoy continuing the remote work. To explain: I currently work contract positions with various companies who hire me for short-term projects, in which I use my linguistics expertise to analyze and annotate large sums of data according to certain guidelines. 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs. I. LOVE. HUGS. SO. MUCH. HUGGGGGMEEEEE! I always look closed off in my body language but I swear the inside of me is always going “Giff me the cuddles and don’t let go.” 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes. Eyes are the most gorgeous thing about humans seriously. 67. Shorter or taller: I prefer to be the short one in all social situations. 68. Older or younger: For friends, I’m chill with whatever age you are. Dating, also chill, though I think I tend to prefer being slightly older just ’cause that’s how most of my relationships have been? But really doesn’t matter. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms. Nice arms are unique for me. I’m pretty happy with lots of different stomach types I see - tummies just are cute! :) 71. Sensitive or loud: A combo is fun but what I look for most in any platonic or anything relationship is someone with a deep heart. I want friends with whom I can confide in anything... so has to be that sensitive side (sensitive-logical if that makes sense is what I like best). 72. Hook up or relationship: I’ve done random PG hookups? But my answer for this is relationship; hookups are only fun for short-term boosts of self-confidence and not being 100% genuine and just being like carefree “whatever” for a night (make sure you both know you’re just doing the hookup night though, please guys, no deception!). Long-term relationships though are glorious like none other for their emotional power. <3 That is pure beauty, caring for someone deeply with lasting loyalty. But of course ya’ll know me... I find nothing more beautiful to cherish than deep platonic care! 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Combo of both!

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Yeppers 75. Drank hard liquor: Nope 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Yes ugh I have no clue where one of my pairs of glasses are again 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex on the first date: I’ve had sex never so this is an easy answer 79. Broken someone’s heart: Yes 80. Had your heart broken: Yes 81. Been arrested: No 82. Cried when someone died: Yes 83. Fallen for a friend: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: Yes, typically 85. Miracles: Absolutely 86. Love at first sight: I mean I don’t deny it happens. It happens. But I don’t think it’s pragmatic to think that’s what’ll happen to you. 87. Santa Claus: Come on, of course North and the Guardians are kicking Pitch’s butt! 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure, why not

OTHER: 

90. Current best friend name: I don’t have one best friend right now. A few of my current closest friends are named Josh, “Hux”, Keith, JuLee, Rachel, Peter, and Meredith. 91. Eye color: Brown 92. Favorite movie: HOW DO I PICK ONE FAVORITE MOVIE FUCK YOU?? The Prince of Egypt, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, the How to Train Your Dragon movies, Pacific Rim, there, I made a list.

Uhhhhh let’s so who should I tag... if you want to do it... @akkeyroomi @the-mr-eggplant @chiefrosepetal @thefuriousnightfury @insaneskye @fanwriter02 @dragonpride99 @jettara @margarethelstone @shailyesshadow @hubwalker1 @godguy0001 @theravenfliesagain @frosty-viking @jackthevulture @hiccup-is-left-handed @dragonnan @spacekeet @nightfury326 yaknowwhat I am not going to count but we’ll say that’s about 20 XD

#non-dragons #long post #swearing #meme #ask meme #about me #blabbing Haddock #my life

[gulgbtqplus]

Meet the Committee

We have 15 committee members who work together to run the society;

1. President: Chris, He/Him, [email protected]

Hey! I’m Chris and I’m your president this year! I’m a second year student studying English Lit & Sociology, and I’m really excited to do some wonderful things with the society this year, it’s definitely one of my favourite things about university. I’ll be your first port of call if you have any general enquiries, ideas or requests for the society, but feel free to email me if you want some advice or to chat or meet up before an event too! We try to make our society as accessible and welcoming as possible, but I know that attending an event for the first time can be scary, so it is always good to know a friendly face.

Outside of the society you can mainly find me watching terrible romcoms, looking after my plants and tweeting bad jokes. I’m pretty noticeable out and about on campus as i’m always wearing dungarees and eternally glittery so don’t be afraid to say hi! (I’m nice I promise)

2. VP Secretary: Kit, They/Them, [email protected]

Howdy, I’m Nadia and I’m the Secretary VP! I’m a second year Scottish Literature student but I’ve changed my degree so many times that I may be studying something completely different by the time you’re reading this (basically I’m mainly at university for GULGBTQ+). In my free time I’m usually crafting, watching movies, and maintaining meticulous power points on the pets of US presidents. If you have any queries about anything to do with the society or you just want a chat feel free to email or drop me a message on facebook.

3. VP Treasurer: Finn, They/Them, [email protected]

Hey I’m Finn, I use they/them pronouns and I’m vp treasurer! The society is the only reason I ever leave the house, but I do supposedly study English Lit & History of Art. I’m very excited to be back on committee this year and hope I can do my best to keep the society from being as broke as I am xx

4. Events: Rachel, She/Her, [email protected]

Hi everyone! I'm Rachel and I'm overly excited to be your Events Officer for this year. I study Theatre and Sociology and will be in my 4th year and writing my dissertation this coming year so please be kind to me. I have been a member of the Committee since my first year and I am overall just a huge gay. When I'm not being a queer activist you can find me at gigs, in charity shops, on the polo dance floor or drinking £3 wine. Let's be friends, feel free to add me on Facebook "Rachel Aitken" or drop me an email, I'm more than happy to meet up before an event if you're feeling nervous or want a gay clubbing partner in crime, I'm just back from studying abroad for a year in Australia so want to meet all the new faces I can! Also if you have any event suggestions pls hit me up xxx

5. Campaigns: Carlie, She/Her, [email protected]

Hello! I’m Carlie and I’m a second year student studying history and sociology. I can usually be found on the tenth floor of the library despairing about Tocqueville, but other than that I cross-stitch and try to keep all my house plants alive. Feel free to email me, or DM me on Twitter (@carliejas) about any campaigns you think we should support or just to give me gardening tips.

6. Welfare: Maddy, She/Her, [email protected]

Maddy, pronouns she/her I’m a second year med student and I’m 24 I like playing rugby and meeting people’s pets, and I am very excited to be welfare officer this year I’m very open to questions and suggestions so feel free to drop me an email or come find me crying in the library

7. Publicity: Sera, She/Her, [email protected]

Hi, my name is Sera, I’m 20, I’m very trans, and I’m the publicity officer. I am in 2nd year of a computer science degree and I am extremely online. My main interests are in tech and managing systems, as well as automation, and I do most of the behind-the-scenes work for the society that involves an internet connection

I run in a lot of hobby as well as LGBT circles and you’ll rarely find me off of social media, I have a twitter @seraxis and a discord Sera ♪#0573 where you can bother me as much as you’d like. I take ideas for social media campaigns and how to spread further awareness about LGBT issues around campus and through the society.

But most importantly: I never stop posting.

8. Women’s: Jemma, She/Her, [email protected]

Hey I'm Jemma, I'm a fourth year Virology student and I am really excited to be your women's officer for this year.  I love going to gigs, baking, creating memes that only about 4 people find funny and tweeting them, and most of all: the Boyd Orr. You be able find me at most main events as well as during Lesbian Coffee and Knit the Rainbow, the GULGBTQ+ crafting group that I’ll be running this year. This society has been very important to my time at university and I want others to have as good an experience as I did so if you want to chat or want to meet up before an event contact me via email. Hope we all have a gay old time this year!

9. Men’s: Quinn, He/Him, [email protected]

Hi, I’m Quinn and I’m your mens officer. I am going into my third year studying economic & social history and have been going to society events since I started uni although this is my first time on committee. I am here for all men, male-aligned and questioning members of the society. I spend most of my time trying to work, watching films and Netflix and I love spending time with new people – and dogs, dogs are great. If you have any queries, questions, ideas or concerns please feel free to contact me via email. I look forward to this being the best year yet!

10. Non-Binary: Niamh, They/Them, [email protected]

hi, I'm Niamh and I'm the nonbinary officer! I'm 19 and in second year studying psychology & neuroscience. I've been in the society for a year now and hope to help make next year even better. As nonbinary officer I want to make sure everyone feels welcomed, so feel free to drop me a message if you want to meet up before an event or just have a chat! Outside of being gay my hobbies include art, clown makeup, new wave, and kendo. I look forward to spending time with you all next year, let's make it a good'n!

11. Trans & Intersex: Noah, He/Him, [email protected]

What's up, I'm Noah, I'm your trans and intersex officer! I'm currently studying maths (rip me) and I’m in second year. My job as trans and intersex officer is to represent all things gender related! My hobbies include playing the drums & guitar, and doing my signature dance moves in polo. I am open and friendly so if you want a chat or need anything feel free to contact me. I look forward to working on committee and meeting lots of new cool people!!

12. Bi/Pan: Michael, They/Them, [email protected]

Hi, I'm Michael your bi/pan officer for the year. I'm 21 and a biochemistry student in third year. I know - queer people in science! I'm shocked too! I look forward to meeting everyone at

bi/pan coffee (the coolest coffees, as voted by me).

My hobbies include a love of musical theatre, sci-fi, drinking and making a fool of myself for my friends. If you'd like to talk to me about literally anything you can use email, Facebook or twitter or pretty much any other social media cause that's where is spend most of my life anyway.

13. International Students: Bianca, She/Her, [email protected]

Hi! I’m Bianca, and I’m the new international students’ officer! I’m a small, almost 19-year-old Italian who studies English Language and Linguistics & Theatre Studies. When I’m not crying about English phonetics, I’m probably binge-watching some (gay) show on Netflix, or getting more emotionally invested than I should in some (gay) book, while listening to the soundtrack of some (gay – but do I even need to say it?) musical. I’m a Gryffindor, I like horse riding, theatre and ice skating, and my one life aspiration is to one day ride a dragon. Or turn into a dragon and destroy my enemies. Either one works. I promise, I’m actually a nice and approachable person and I understand that moving to a new country can be overwhelming, so I’m ready to help you with whatever you need if you feel like you need advice on how to adapt to the terrible Scottish weather or you just want to chat about how un-comprehensible the Glaswegian accent is (trust me, we’ve all been there). Just send me an email! I’m also Italian, so I will probably gesture excitedly at you while we all get coffee together for the International Coffee that I’ll be running. I’m looking forward to meeting you all, and I hope you have a great (and gay) time in Glasgow!

14. Postgraduate & Mature Students: Prachi, She/Her, [email protected]

Hello everyone! I’m Prachi and I am the Postgraduate and Mature students officer this year. I represent the slightly older members of the society. I will mainly be running the postgrad and mature student coffees this year, which is a great way to meet new people in the LGBTQ+ community! I am currently doing a Masters in Cancer Sciences. Other than spending time on school and the society, I also enjoy videogames, movies (huge Disney junkie!), music and just generally chilling with people. If you’d like to contact me, you can find me on Facebook or just shoot me an email anytime. Looking forward to meeting everyone!

15. First Year Ordinary Member: Emily, She/Her, [email protected]

Hi! I'm your friendly local First Year Ordinary Member. My name is Emily and I'm a first year (surprise, surprise) Psychology student trying to work out my way around this strange Uni system. I enjoy drawing and painting, musical theatre, playing tabletop or video games, being a 'Mum friend', and making socially awkward jokes to hide when I'm nervous. I'll be spending this year joining all the societies that I've been told I HAVE to join in first year, trying to get on with the nine strangers I now live with, attempting to cook, clean and shop for myself, and also somehow keeping up with the work from three subjects which grade me in a way I've never seen before...

No pressure, right?

I hope you will join me in solidarity at First Year Coffee every other Tuesday and we can help each other navigate this strange new world of Glasgow University.

16. Asexual and Aromantic Officer: Summer, They/Them, [email protected]

Hi, I’m Summer and I’m your aro/ace officer for the year! I’m a 21 year old computer science student so you’ll frequently find me programming and going on about Linux. When I’m not doing that I’ll probably be knitting, playing video games, running/planning tabletop rpgs, or watching martial arts movies (or talking incessantly about any of the above)! As aro/ace officer I’m here for everyone who identifies as any variety of asexual and/or aromantic (a/grey/demi/etc), as well as anyone questioning anything at all related. Drop me a message if you want to chat, and I look forwards to a great year with you all!

#gulgbtq+ #2018/19 #meet the committee #committee

[raifuujin]

Rules: You must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

Tagged by: @detectiveaesthetic

Tagging: I thought about it, but after actually doing it, decided it’s much better left up to ‘do it if you want’.

The last

·         1. Drink:  Sweet tea

·         2. Phone call:  Probably mom or dad. I don’t really do phone calls, so...

·         3. Text message: "I’m at 7 hearts now.” - Received on July 26th from my cousin. My own sent message is a bit long, but we were talking about BOTW, since she’d just gotten it and wanted to know if she should get hearts or stamina. ·         4. Song you listened to: ...Specifically listening to a song: Road’s song from D. Gray Man. Though most recent song heard and hummed to would be Super Sonic Racing from a video I watched.

·         5. Time you cried: Hmm... maybe a couple of months ago? I rarely cry for myself, but thinking about plots to do with my muses tends to set tears off at random.

·         6. Dated someone: Never in the context this means. ·         7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Again, in this context, never kissed, so...

·         8. Been cheated on: -aroace uninterested yawning-

·         9. Lost someone special: The only ‘special’ someone I’ve lost would be my cat that I’d grown up with, and that was... four years ago now.

·         10. Been depressed:  Ongoing. Lowkey and mostly in the meaning of ‘no energy, motivation, or real focus’, not anything severe, but continuous.

·         11. Gotten drunk and thrown up:  Never drink alcohol.

3 Favourite colours

·         12.  Cerulean

·         13.  Emerald

·         14.  Teal

In the last year have you

·         15. Made new friends: Maybe. (On rp blogs, it’s sorta nebulous)

·         16. Fallen out of love: No.

·         17. Laughed until you cried:  Not a thing I normally do, so no.

·         18. Found out someone was talking about you:  Ye.

·         19. Met someone who changed you:  Not really.

·         20. Found out who your friends are: I tend to know that, not really find out, so.

·         21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list:  No Facebook ;p

General

·         22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life:  Have not gotten a Facebook in the last two seconds.

·         23. Do you have any pets: More cats. All the cats. (2 right now.)

·         24. Do you want to change your name: Not really.

·         25. What did you do for your last birthday: Probably just get presents. We go out to eat for everyone’s birthday, but not usually on the date.

·       26. What time did you wake up:  1 pm. ...And stayed in bed for 45 minutes because I had not reason to get up and was comfortable.

·         27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Same thing I’m doing now. Youtube (watching Completionist reviews), and either editing pictures or doing nonograms.

·         28. Name something you can’t wait for: ( ;p ) Hm. When I get my life more together again. /shot I’d say for Gosho to write more MK, but after the last chapters... I’m not sure.

·         29. When was the last time you saw your mom:  Ten minutes ago.

·         31. What are you listening to right now:  Youtube. Currently Jirard, though at the end of this playlist, I’ll go back to lps with StephenPlays.

·         32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom:  Not that I recall, but probably at some point in my life. There’d have to be some random Tom.

·         33. Something that is getting on your nerves:  A lot.

·         34. Most visited website: Tumblr is always open, but Youtube is probably what I use the most. ·         35. Hair colour:  Brown. I guess light brown. Lightest in my family, at least. The type that used to be blonde and then got darker. V:

·         36. Long or short hair: It’s usually long, but I chop it off when summer kicks in, so right now, it’s in-between.

·         37. Do you have a crush on someone: Nah

·         38. What do you like about yourself: My patience

·         39. Piercings: Nope.

·         40. Blood type:  I think A. I don’t really know, but vaguely think that.

·         41. Nickname:  Rai. Because internet :V

·         42. Relationship status:  Uninterested.

·         43. Zodiac:  Scorpio/Rooster

·         44. Pronouns: She/her (I don’t really care if people somehow wants to use anything else, though. I found no need to correct people on a chat I was in years ago, and was mostly amused when they debated if I was a guy or a girl a bit before asking. I’d be confused in real life because it’s not the norm (aside from cosplay maybe), but overall still don’t care much.)

·         45. Favourite tv show: Does the usual anime count? If so, I’m pretty blatant from my blog, but if it has to be an actual show I could see on TV here... I haven’t really watched TV in a while. Maybe Psych. ·         46. Tattoos:  Nah.

·         47. Right or left handed: Right

·         48. Surgery: Not really. I’ve had tubes put in my ears (twice), but those were as a kid and definitely not too major. Apparently I had a lot of ear infections back then.

·         50. Sport:  Softball

·         51. Last vacation: Full vacation? Universal Orlando studios a few years ago. General ‘get away from home’ trip would be a week and a half ago to visit the half of that family that lives in Tennessee.

·         52. Pair of trainers: I think three... One that I actually wear, a backup pair for when those wear out, and an older white one that I wear when dressed at Kid. I have a decent amount of shoes, but all are at least a year or two old. My last ones literally started getting holes worn into them.

MORE GENERAL

·         53. Eating:  Goldfish

·         54. Drinking:  It’s night rn, so chocolate milk.

·         55. I’m about to: “Post this” :p And do edit ideas that have been sitting around for a long time.

·         56. Waiting for: Me to get back into a rhythm.

·         57. Want: Stability. Preferably useful stability.

·         58. Get married:  Eh

·         59. Career:  Anything that won’t kill me with stress at this point.

WHICH IS BETTER (Aroace apathetic sighs and going far more generic.)

·         60. Hugs or kisses: Usually hugs

·         61. Lips or eyes:  Eyes

·         62. Shorter or taller: Taller

·         63. Older or younger: Older

·         64. Nice arms or nice stomach: Do not care

·         65. Hook up or relationship: If it ever happens, relationship

·         66. Troublemaker or hesitant:  About me or someone else? I assume someone else, so... at least a troublemaker is more likely to try initiating things.

HAVE YOU EVER:

·         67. Kissed a stranger: Nope

·         68. Drank hard liquor: Nope again

·         69. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t think so. Not permanently, anyway.

·         70. Turned someone down: Yes

·         71. Sex on the first date:  This is very biased towards people with at least an active dating life, I’ve noticed.

·         72. Broken someone’s heart: I assume no, but wouldn’t know if I have.

·         73. Had your heart broken: I’d say yes, but that was third grade, so. Probably not truly, no.

·         74. Been arrested: Nope, though some friends and I did not-so-casually chat with a cop. Silly pre-teen stuff, teepee plans that I backed out of anyway, nothing actually happened aside from small cop stopping to ask us where we were going scare.

·         75. Cried when someone died: Not in real life.

·         76. Fallen for a friend:  No.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

·         77. Yourself: Maybe

·         78. Miracles:  Sure

·         79. Love at first sight:  Not really

·         80. Santa claus:  No

·         81. Kiss on the first date:  If you and they want to, sure.

·         82. Angels: -shrugs-

OTHER:

·         84. Eye colour: Blue, slight green sometimes.

·         85. Favourite movie: Nothing came to mind, so I don’t think I have one. But I do like falling back on The Cat Returns. And anything Miyazaki or Disney.

#personal #about rai

[simplyoriginalcharacters]

((Hello for the last time this month. I want to thank you all very much for all of your help. I’m not sure if I have submitted this character before, but he is one of my much more older ones. He was created back in 2005, and I have done a lot of retconning, reconstructing, and updating of his origin story. I was wondering if you could help me with making a more cohesive backstory for him. I feel that there is something there, but any time I reread this, I feel like I’ve explained nothing about him. I created him in the Sims and I apologize because I have not drawn him in years.

He is a Character in the Earth series of the story that my cousin and I have created. It takes place in 2036, in Nevada which is just a place where demons, Aliens, monsters, and supernatural beings live. He lives in Neo New York City, which has become larger and slightly more dangerous))

Name: Captain I.R.U.E.L Moroz

Name Meaning: Idiorrhythmic Respiratory Unit with Extended Longevity.

Gender: He uses “He/His” pronouns.

Sexual Orientation: NA

Age: His “brain” is technically 40 years old, but his physical body is 8 years old.

Race: Android

Occupation: He currently works in the Cyberterrorism unit of the Neo NYPD with his brother N.I.L.S. Alignment: Lawful Good.

Affiliations: He is affiliated with the Neo NYPD police unit, and occasionally he works with other legitimate factions. Family: Dr. Anton Moroz- Anton was his “father”, and he was a well respected neurologist. With his wife’s help they created the brain and framework for I.R.U.E.L and his brother. He remembers that he was a kind and dedicated man who loved his wife and son. I.R.A feels that if he ever had to become human, he would like to have the same personality as his father.

Dr. Julia Sewick- Julia was his “Mother”, and she was the one who created his intricate brain and memory systems. He is unsure if he can feel love, but he knows that he feels affection and respect for these two. He thinks that if he ever had a romantic partner, then he would like if they had the same personality as Julia.

N.I.L.S.- N.I.L.S is his brother unit. They are opposites in what their abilities are, but they work well together. This is his only true android friend, and he respects him. He thinks that N.I.L.S is a more advanced system, and he usually asks him questions about his programming, but he hates when people compare them.

Best Friends: Daemeon Ahipene- Daemeon is one of his closest human friends. He respects Daemeon because he knows how to use his guns well. He also finds it interesting that someone like him could get away with robbing 9 different banks.

Relationship Status: He has no interests in relationships.

Significant Other: NA.

Other Relationships: He is friends with Radojka Raznatovic. He thinks that she is an excellent IT person, and he likes that she takes the time to understand complicated machines. Height: 6'4

Weight: 520lbs because of his robotic skeleton.

Build: Average and muscular. His body type hasn’t changed much.

Skin Tone: Pale

Hair: His hair changes colors sometimes. He usually has black hair, but sometimes it’s blonde, red, and even navy blue.

Eyes: Liquid mercury and silver. When he is in a low power state, they turn black, and when he is in his “active sentry” mode, around his irises it is blue.

Identifying Marks: His eyes are his most distinctive feature.

Appearance: I.R.U.E.L, or as he likes to be called, I.R.A, was modeled to look like the adult version of a couples adopted son. He is about 6'4 and 520lbs, which does tend to throw people off. He and the child that he was based off of are of Japanese descent. He has fair skin with warm undertones. He has a narrow face, with full lips and a pointy nose, but his most distinctive feature are his eyes. His eyes are sharp and they are made of liquid mercury, so they appear silverish to white in the light and they are rather piercing. When he’s in “Active Sentry Mode”, there is a faint blue glow around his pupils. He does change his hair a lot, and as of now it is short, black, and trimmed. He does have pointy canines and nails that are black for some reason.

Personality: I.R.A has undergone three major personality upgrades in his lifetime. When he was first created he was extremely robotic and cold. He did work with other people, but his only concern was security and safety. His second personality upgrade was the most drastic, and with one he acted completely human. He emoted more and acted on impulses of how he felt and why. His third personality upgrade is his current one, and it’s easier to maintain. He comes off as stoic and very cool. He rarely looses himself and he’s easier to talk to. People say that he’s like a “User-friendly computer” where he will talk and explain himself, and assess conditions, but there’s that human disconnect. There’s a debate on how “human” he actually is. His brain is not real, but it’s constantly updating and learning like a real human one.

Motivations: He is motivated by curiosity and a strong motivation to do what’s right.

Current Goal: His current goal is to stop a cyberterrorist android named Deuxo 2.0. He’s an extremely formidable adversary.

Life Goal: He wants to perfect things like the violin, the cello, and piano.

Motto: “I am able to accept this request”.

Best Quality: Although he is an android and essentially and artificial human, he truly values the concept of friendship. He feels that it’s hard to trust people because deep down he worries that people would use him for personal gain because they have before.

Worst Quality: He can get himself caught into a thought loop. If you give him a perplexing or paradoxical statement to analyze, he will try to figure that out. Also if he doesn’t have all of the facts of a situation, he is hesitant to take any action. He’s not a precognition unit or anything like that.

Likes: He really likes guns. He has two customized Desert Eagle handguns that only recognize his unique internal ID. He also likes music and he’s been teaching himself the cello and violin. He understands that he is not good at it, but he enjoys it.

Dislikes: It is rare that he dislikes things, but one thing that he hates is when people attempt to compare him to N.I.L.S. He knows that they were designed for different reasons, and that there is no point of comparing them to each other. He also will go against his brothers wishes or demands.

Fears: One of his biggest fears is meeting humans who will use him or his brothers for illicit means. This has happened to him before and he is extremely cautious of who he meets.

Hobbies: Playing the cello, Reading, and watching videos on the internet.

Talents: He was programmed with this ability, but he is a self repairing android; this is interesting because N.I.L.S cannot do this. He can actually complete complex repairs on himself if he needs them. Another talent that he has is that he can tell when someone is lying. He can detect micro-expressions, eye movement, and the pattern of breathing that someone has.

Skills: He is fluent in 25 languages, and he can even decipher binary code. He can use a multitude of weapons, but he is proficient in handguns and rifles. He is also able to integrate himself with the interfaces and systems of the computers that are located within and near his district. Abilities: Besides being stronger, faster, smarter, and deadlier than a human, he has some built in talents. He was designed to be a skeleton key android, so he can access anything, at any time. He is like a walking supercomputer, and he thinks at speeds faster than the worlds smartest person.

Weapons: Weaknesses: Items like magnets and very strong electric currents can actually incapacitate him for a while.

Fighting Style: He knows a version of Kickboxing and close quarters combat.

Secret: He honestly wants to know what would happen if he created an android himself. He can’t because he’s not sure if he knows what hardware and schematics are involved, but he would like to assemble one eventually.

Influential Memory: Being caught by Role Model: His Parents. They taught him a lot of good things and he hopes that he’s lived his life properly and appropriately.

Crush: None.

Source of Embarrassment: He’s embarrassed by the fact that he can’t really feel emotions. This sometimes makes it hard for him to sympathize with people who have lost family members to crime. He knows how to say that he is sorry, but he doesn’t know why he’s saying it.

Source of Pride: He’s proud of the fact that he is an android, but he values human life because they are always changing and adapting.

History: Dr. Anton Moroz and Dr. Julia Sewick were an older couple who wanted children, but they both felt that they were physically too old to have them. They were both respected doctors in their fields, with him being a neurologist and her being a neurorobotics professor. They desptrately wanted a child so they looked into adoption. They eventually spoke to a girl who was giving up her baby for adoption. They spoke to each other and she agreed to give her baby to them. They named their baby Piotr and they showered him with unconditional love. Piotr was a bright and easy-going child who made them laugh and he was not really fussy. Things were going well until he turned 5 years old. He was feeling sick and he was vomiting, but things got so bad that he actually had a stroke and he was in a coma for a few weeks. After going to other doctors and even from Anton’s research, they learned that he had an aggressive and rare form of bone cancer. The other doctors told them the disease was progressing quickly. They were devastated. Anton and Julia helped their child as much as they could until his death on October 12th, 1986. They took some time apart to get over their grief. Dr. Anton came up with a rather controversial idea at the time and He approached his wife with his proposal. He asked her if they could work together to re-create their by using Artificial Intelligence, and he felt that if they worked together, they could let the memory of Piotr live on. She had reservations about the idea at first, but after some consideration, she agreed. They started on their research of making Piotr live again. They asked to keep the brain of their son for research, and through their efforts Julia and Anton managed to copy Pitor’s memories to a synthetic brain. They then started to work on his body. It took them 10 years, but they created a body that could function as Piotr’s. They chose to create an adult sized body because they felt that it would be easier to create instead of a new body that grew as he grew. Soon, Piotr was reborn. Their son was “alive"and they continued to love him as their own. He acted like their son, but they couldn’t truly recreate the complex emotions that children displayed, so although he could talk and emote, he was rather reserved. As time passed, Piotr was already 18 years old when he started to notice something strange about his mom and dad. Their health was failing. Anton was getting thinner and he would get tired more often. He died suddenly at the age 85, but he saw that Julia was getting older as well. Piotr did as much as he could to help her, but he couldn’t understand what was going on. She made a call to a trusted colleague before she was bedridden. She gave her son a backpack and she told him that he was not to open until he made it to the destination on the letter that was written for him. She passed away and Piotr was alone in the new world. From watching movies, he knew that they had to be buried in the back yard of their home together. He read the letter and he was off to his destination. At the time, Piotr had a body and a framework, but he didn’t have any skin. He was unprotected, so he wrapped himself from head to toe in bandages and a coat. He then made his way to France where the letter told him to met up with Dr. Laurent Sendak. He was a doctor who created artificial skin for people with prosthetic limbs and severe injuries. Out of courtesy, he created skin for him. The skin that he created felt real to the touch and he was grateful because he could be in public without scaring people. He asked Dr. Sendak if he could stay with him for a while and he accepted. Piotr made himself useful by assisting the doctor with his work and in return, he created artificial organs for him. He even made hair that grew and fingernails for his new assistant. One day when Piotr was exploring France when he was attacked by a group of people. He had no idea who they were, but all he remembers is that when he woke up, he was on a operating table of some sort. As soon as they did a scan, they saw that he wasn’t human and they were excited. One guy strapped him down and they hooked him up to a machine. They started to reprogram him and soon Piotr ceased to exist. These mercenaries were part of this private army that was known as the D.I.R.E. Unit. The doctors remodeled him, giving him military grade enhancements and even an exclusive Upgradeable memory unit. They placed a bomb into his chest for some reason as well. They then gave him the new name of I.R.U.E.L and he was forced to be their newest soldier. For 4 years he was deployed for every mission that they had, and afterwards his data would be collected and wIped. One day, he was in Sentry Mode when he found a piece of data that was hidden. It reminded him of his parents, and he risked everything to escape. They detonated the bomb and everything went black after that. According to him, the next few years are hazy, but he knows that he was rescued by a man named Ioanthe who was an assassin and he repaired him by removing some of the military grade implants and he repaired his memory. He had never dwelled on this, but he kept on hearing a transmission that nobody else could hear. The code was located in Denmark, and from what he deduced, he had to go there. He thanked Ioanthe and he went on his way to Denmark. He arrived in Denmark and the signal led him to a Library. He sat there trying to figure it out, when he was approached by a guy who had blonde hair and purple eyes. The guy, who he assumed was human, was very kind and something was really familiar about him. The guy, who introduced himself as Nils, said that he had been looking for him as well. His creator was Dr. Sendak, and that he was coming to help him, but the signal was lost for 4 years. He trusted Nils, and they decided to move in together. I.R.U.E.L was relieved and glad that he had someone to connect with and that he was an Android as well. N.I.L.S had an emotion upgrade and he was like his own technological firewall. As they lived together, N.I.L.S taught him about humans, and I.R.A taught his brother essential combat skills.

Hi friend!

Since we’ve done so many profiles together from this world I feel like I can just get right into the nitty gritty.

I feel like some of these profiles were written at the same time, because I have some of the same notes as I have had on others from this world. The background needs to be shorter. Turn each paragraph into one sentence and see if the story still comes out. The pictures you’ve created for these characters are very similar, I’m sure partially due to being made in the same system, but they have the same eye shape, mouth shape, chin shape, and similar hair. In stories we have to create mental images for each character and here where we have characters with different powers or are different races there have to be very distinct features for us to picture with each one. Tell me what really distinctive feature sets all of these people apart.

Early in the profile you say that I.R.U.E.L. and his brother have opposite powers from each other, but then don’t list what they are until much later. Please make sure that your profile is set up to have questions like that answered before they will get asked because otherwise there’s a lot of back and forth, and it will get you in the habit of giving us the information before we need it in the story as well.

I see a number of conflicts within I.R.U.E.L.’s profile that I’m having trouble reconciling. First, the couple who made Piotr’s robot duplicate had ten years to come to terms with their grief and then extrapolated out an adult version of their son. Why didn’t they adopt another child? If they were willing to change the image of the son they miss enough to build a copy of him, why aren’t they willing to say, ‘We can’t have him back, let’s just raise another child”. It’s certainly not implausible, but you really explicitly need to give us a reason why they made him but older to give us a sense.

Another conflict I’m seeing is that I.R.U.E.L.’s greatest flaw is his lack of human emotion, but you describe his fears, his pride, his values, his embarrassment. Emotion is so much more than love or sadness.  All of these are emotions. Be very specific in your wording when it comes to his speech and perspective. He doesn’t have fears, he has actions that he chooses not to participate in because of unfavorable outcomes. I know that’s hard to put into a profile, but keep it distinct in the writing.

Because I.R.U.E.L. is so book smart, but was very sheltered, I would suggest you make him have very little common sense. I would perhaps even take out his ability to detect lies. (As a parent, I would not want my child to be able to detect lies.) This gives him some humanity without meaning to, gives him some comedic moments to lighten the load.

The very last thing I will say is that of the characters submitted, almost all have been male or male presenting. Is there a specific reason for this? If not, one suggestion I earnestly make to people who do not often write female characters and feel they won’t be good at it is to write a male character, then change all the pronouns to female. How does that change the character’s story? Does it really change anything, or does it only change how your character is perceived? Can you change people’s reactions to your character without changing who they are? Just some food for thought.

Happy Writing!

-Shields

#backstory help #development help #oc critique #soc critique #submission

[polarizeapps-blog]

alex gaskarth

the writer !!

just wanna apologise here too cos the submit box won’t let me edit the full layout of the app or stay that way when i copy and paste… fml.

name/alias: eve pronouns: she/her timezone: GMT other characters: nope! anything else you want us to know: i’m in another group so my activity could fluctuate but i imagine i’ll be on the dash pretty often!

the muse !!

name: alex gaskarth age + birthday: 29, 14th december job: vocalist of all time low gender + pronouns: cis male, he/him

faceclaim: n/a

secret: I just want to apologise for how long this is… Alex’s secrets kinda grew arms and legs the longer I played him. So, it’s summarised, and then the full version is below it, along with a bit of history about he and John O’Callaghan’s relationship since it’s relevant (I should be joining with the Johno reserve but if they don’t join then I’ll edit some things later!). BUT I’M REALLY SORRY BECAUSE IT’S HUGE.

SUMMARY

Alex’s first girlfriend falls pregnant with their child aged sixteen, but aborts it without his knowledge. After their break-up, Alex suffers a groin injury in gym class that leaves him infertile, and heartbroken over the idea that he could have been a father had it not been for the abortion.

Later in life, Alex’s second girlfriend falls pregnant after sleeping with him and an unknown man around the same time. They were, however, not together at the time, and she is unaware of his slim-to-none chances of conceiving. She’s aware he doesn’t want to be with her and is too afraid to reveal the child could be his, and chooses to raise it never attempting to find out who the real father is. They remain friends and Alex dotes on the little girl he calls his niece.

A twisted, drug-fuelled relationship with a third girl on tour results in her six-year-old son accidentally consuming ecstasy belonging to Alex while in his care. He saves his life after the child suffers a heart attack but the mother is understandably sickened and furious with Alex, refusing to let him see the boy ever again and cutting all contact with him.

Alex sleeps around even more to cope afterwards, including with fans of his band (never underage though), and is eventually diagnosed with Histronic Personality Disorder and sex addiction to go alongside his lifelong struggle with anxiety.

Lastly, Alex got together with John O’Callaghan in the summer three years ago. At first it was just sex but soon became more. At one point, John was struggling with the idea of falling in love with Alex, and broke up with him. The abandonment sent Alex into a downward spiral and he was taking more drugs than he ever had. He eventually overdosed by accident and ended up in hospital; John attempted to visit but to no avail. Days after being released, Alex overdosed again – this time, purposefully. The mixture of drugs in his system gave him a heart attack. Despite refusing rehab or therapy, Alex went on to make a full recovery these past few months, and he and John got back together whilst he was in hospital. They’ve been going steady for a while now, openly in love with each other, but Alex still struggles to fight his demons. His addictions still taunt him daily. His boyfriend doesn’t know his second overdose was an attempted suicide, either.

DETAILS

At aged fourteen, Alex got his first girlfriend, whom he lost his virginity to at fifteen, and that relationship went on to last until he was sixteen. They broke up due to feeling like they needed to explore new things – they were only young, after all.

At least, that was what they told everyone. And while it was partly true, their relationship had grown particularly strained after Alex got her pregnant recently after they turned sixteen. There was some debate about whether she should abort or not, and she ended up doing so without fully consulting Alex first. They had agreed to leave it for a weekend and think about what they both wanted, make a decision from there… but she went with her mother to the clinic and got the baby aborted on the Saturday afternoon. Her parents had always hated Alex, and her older brother thought he was bad news too. Alex was heartbroken, but he understood it was ultimately not his decision, and they would have struggled to handle a baby at their age anyway. Though, he couldn’t help but feel her parents had talked her into it to spite him, and the fact she’d went through with it was painful to think about. Even so, their relationship continued for a few more months after that, and only their parents ever knew about the pregnancy. Despite their relationship ending on a fairly mutual note, they didn’t keep in touch after high school.

Soon after the break-up, however, when Alex was just barely seventeen, he suffered an injury in gym class to his groin – hit in the balls by a baseball, something he would’ve laughed about, had it not been so serious. It rendered him infertile. There was little to no chance he would ever conceive a child. Alex was only young, but he’d always pictured himself being a dad someday. He was crushed to think that if his ex hadn’t aborted, he could have had his chance to be a father, before it was too late. His whole life would have been very different, but he could’ve had a kid. He kept that to himself though, too hurt to explain it to everyone – too much of a long story to spill to his friends that he’d gotten his girlfriend pregnant and hidden it from everyone. It wasn’t like he was in a relationship with anybody who wanted a child; he didn’t see any need to talk about it. Not even to his parents.

When Alex was eighteen, he met a girl a couple of years older than him, and she soon became a serious girlfriend of his, lasting until he was twenty-three. In that time, his band took off, he bought a house… he grew up. He and this second girlfriend had a mutual break-up upon realising they had no time for each other, with their careers both needing serious focus to stay afloat, but subsequently stayed firm friends. Secretly, Alex also wanted to lead more of a ‘rockstar’ lifestyle – it was only after this break-up that he became truly promiscuous.

Some time later, when home from tour, he went through a short period of hooking up with this ex. Her feelings for him began to resurface, but it was more than obvious Alex wasn’t looking to rekindle anything. Upset, she goes out drinking and has a drunken one-night stand with a nameless man in an attempt to feel better. Only after this does she realise she’s fallen pregnant. Unaware of Alex’s infertility, she was embarrassed and alone and scared. Convincing herself that even if the child was Alex’s, he wouldn’t be interested, she fabricated a lie for her friends and family about the father, telling them he was simply a man she’d been in the early stages of dating who didn’t want to know. She made her peace with never knowing if the daughter she gave birth to months later was fathered by Alex or her nameless hook-up. She and Alex stayed friends, and he didn’t think twice about the dates lining up, because why would that beautiful little girl be his?

When Alex was twenty-four, he entered a rather complex relationship with a single mother, her son only six years old at the time. She worked in the music industry and home-schooled him due to their sporadic travelling – his father had been out of the picture since he was very young, so she and her child were even closer than most mothers and sons.

This woman dabbled in drugs occasionally for recreational purposes – Alex understood it to be an escape for her. Their fling began when he shared his coke with her one night, finding there to be a connection, and not just because of their high. They slept together and it was the beginning of several long months of sex, drugs, and growing ever-closer to her and her son. The pair were a little more than friends-with-benefits, but never in love. Never ‘together.’ Neither could commit… through fear or just not wanting to. But Alex doted on her son and became a huge part of his life for a while. The three of them seemed to just amble along like a fake family. And it was actually quite lovely, for a time. Just what Alex needed, though it made him ache for a child of his own.

It was near perfect.

Until Alex fucked up.

Often, he would get high when she slept over and chose not to do it with him. She would sleep and he would snort. One night, he left out a small clear bag of his ecstasy pills, passing out in a stupor before he could store them safely; something he rarely forgot to do. Alex had promised to watch over her son that morning, as she had things to do, but Alex barely awake when the child arose. He got to the ecstasy pills before Alex even noticed they were still out – and subsequently had a heart attack.

It was only Alex’s quick reactions that saved the fitting child and got him to a hospital, but his mother was understandably not thankful for this.

She screamed at Alex that evening once her son was stable, tearing him apart for almost killing him, her baby, her whole world. Alex’s guilt was something that ‘consumed’ seemed too small a word to describe. He was completely heartbroken; he loved that boy, would never do a thing to intentionally hurt him.

The mother kept the story away from the press once popular music magazines caught snippets of why there had been ambulances on the tour, and Alex’s involvement in it was near enough erased. She didn’t want her child’s face and name plastered all over the internet, and she didn’t want a damn thing to do with Alex (or drugs) ever again. And a story like that would keep her forever tied to him. Hopeless Records got involved, helped she and Alex form a lie about some unknown person from the ensemble tour leaving drugs lying around (not on the All Time Low bus), to save Alex’s career and the band’s image, and keep his now ex-fling happy. She cut all contact and threatened Alex to stay away from her son, not even allowing the guilt-ridden man to say goodbye to the child he’d fallen in love with over her.

Alex entered a period of sleeping with anyone and everyone after the incident left him completely devastated. He had been promiscuous before, but this time, he was almost always drunk and/or high, and he wasn’t opposed to sleeping with fans. He lost count of the amount of All Time Low ‘groupies’ he fucked. They were never under-age, but he targeted them because they were often easier than seeking someone out in a bar after a show. It was too much effort for how depressed he was – he just wanted to fuck and forget. Rumours of it circulated the internet, but he ignored them, as did his record label, but none of it helped All Time Low’s image.

Slowly, though, that faded to black. He got a hold of himself again, though it took a while. He got better. As better as he could manage be. He totalled that he had slept with around a hundred-odd people in his lifetime, with the number increasing every time he felt too sad or just wanted a little fun.

Alex had suffered from anxiety his entire life, but was only after everything happened with the boy and his bouts of using sex to cover his emotions that Alex got diagnosed with something else – Histronic Personality Disorder (HPD). He was told it was on a more minor level, but he was still a sufferer, paired with a mild sex addiction. Read more about HPD here.

To this day, Alex struggles with everything that’s happened to him, but he tries not to let it swallow his life up. Sometimes he fails.

JOHN/ALEX HISTORY

In August of 2014, Alex began hooking up with The Maine frontman, John O’Callaghan. They grew closer over the following months, friendship blossoming when Alex went to stay in Arizona for a while that autumn, and then making their relationship official in February 2015 and announcing it to social media and their friends March 2015.

They helped each other. They healed each other.

Things were plain sailing until, that October, Alex finally admitted to John that he was in love with him. John panicked and left the house for several hours, returning to an upset Alex to say he loved him too. For Alex, the most blissful week of his entire life followed… until John sat him down, telling him things were too overwhelming, and that it didn’t feel right – he didn’t love him, and he felt they should spend some time apart. Crushed, Alex fell into a pit of depression. He tried to cover it with his old ways, partying and sex, but he was often drunk and never far from any sort of drug he could get his hands on. John had to watch from a distance as Alex slowly destroyed himself.

Finally, John realised he was in fact in love with Alex, but talking to him was impossible. Every time he tried, Alex was high, and talked nonsense until he grew hysterically upset. And in turn, John couldn’t handle that.

It was only when Alex took things too far and ended up in hospital on an overdose that John finally came to see him, but Alex screamed and got so upset that John thought it best he just leave again. Days after being released, Alex hadn’t learned his lesson. He overdosed again – purposefully this time. It resulted in a heart attack but he was taken to hospital a second time and now, months later, has went on to make a full recovery despite refusing therapy or rehab afterwards.

He never told John that he tried to kill himself with that second overdose. He didn’t think he needed to know. But Alex still battles his demons daily, despite finally going steady with John and getting his life a little more on track. His addictions taunt him. His fans and family and friends don’t know just how bad things were, either. They knew he had a bit of an addiction going on, knew that he’d went to hospital for taking it too far, but didn’t know it was a heart attack. Didn’t know he wanted to die that night. It was too upsetting – Alex didn’t see the need to let them all know.

He can’t give into everything though. He won’t. It would kill him for real this time.

the interview !!

*answer the first two questions ic or ooc! these do not have to have lengthy answers. a few sentences will do just fine!

how hard is your character trying to keep this a secret?: since alex has a variant of secrets… he very much wants all of them to stay on the down-low. but he would be most devastated if people knew just how much of a wreck he was in his personal life because he tries so hard to seem positive and like a good influence.

how would your character react if the secret got out to everyone?: he would be crushed, embarrassed, humiliated, angry… you name a negative emotion, he’d probably feel it. alex can be a dramatic boy at the best of times and he’s still kind of fragile so anything major could push him back towards the addictions that call to him so loudly.

are you okay with your character being talked about on the gossip blog?: yes!

the accounts !!

main blog: http://alxandr.tumblr.com/ hangouts account: [email protected] sideblog: http://thornedboy.tumblr.com/

anything else?

the john o’callaghan reserve should be joining with me! alex and john have been in a long-term relationship for a while now. and thanks for reading over my app! also, i’m sorry if his secret sounds a bit disjointed/strangely written here and there, it’s been written and re-written for so many apps now, sometimes i miss things when i’m editing it!