#i understand when its for pain management but if you arent doing that. you might have an addiction problem | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cpunkwitch · 11 months

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happy disability pride month

[id: image on the right is a flag with a dark grey background, a dusty rainbow diagonally going across it from the bottom left corner going up to the right and two dark grey circles in the middle of the image one smaller in the middle of the other. the mage in the middle is a green uerbox with the flag on the right and white text reading "this user wants people to understand that living with a physical disability in this world today is a waking nightmare". the image on the left is the same flag as on the right. :end id]

i want to talk about chronic pain. might make more posts similar to this one for other things but right now lets discuss chronic pain.

Chronic Pain Syndrome, aka Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS), is a broad classification of prolonged pain typically outside injuries or outside the usual timeframe for pain caused by injuries.

there are plenty of things listed under chronic pain like arthritis, back pain, fibromyalgia and more, however not everyone realizes what they have is chronic pain.

chronic pain is not about how bad the pain is, how much it hurts nor about how consistent it is, its about how long it goes on for.

if youre feeling pain for days on end in some area, thats chronic pain if youre feeling pain for a while after every time you try to do something with a limb (ex. lifting causes pain that stays all day and even the next day, getting up in the morning causes pain that lasts etc), thats chronic pain

if the pain goes on and off but still lasts a while when its there thats still chronic pain, it doesnt have to be consistent with how it lasts but pain that lasts longer than it should is chronic pain.

i always have pain in my spine when i get up in the morning, stand too long, walk or just be on my feet too long, lift heavy things etc and that pain lasts at least till the next day but usually much longer. strained muscles and exhaustion, soreness and aches are normal after activities but if they last longer than a day that isnt normal.

if someone tells you prolonged pain after doing something even mildly strenuous on your body is normal pain, they dont know what they're talking about and likely experience chronic pain themselves and no ones told them.

chronic pain can be caused by injuries, by conditions you were born with or gained over time. i was born with a defect in my spine thats caused me back pain, jaw pain, headaches and more for years and i only found out about it rather recently.

chronic pain can cause exhaustion and even be accompanied by chronic fatigue more often than not. it can cause you to need longer breaks and rest and avoid usage of your arms or legs or avoid further strenuous activity more than an abled person would need.

often any pain that causes you to avoid usage of your body isnt normal. pain that flares up after you move, be active or arent active enough isnt normal

pain that lasts longer than it should and pain that is always there after doing something is not normal and more likely than not, a sign of chronic pain.

a lot of people wont realize they have chronic pain unless they discuss their symptoms with someone who knows about chronic pain or understands that those symptoms arent normal pain. its okay to not realize or know something about your body, thinking it was normal then being told it isnt, its better to learn these things about your body, listen to your body and accommodate it than remaining ignorant and not doing any of that.

everyone's experience of chronic pain is different, not one experience will be the same as another or fit in a box, but they all have the similarity of their pain lasting longer than it should, however that presents.

the pain doesnt have to be excrutiating, there are days where it can just be dull and manageable, times where its just sharp and stabbing meaning you need to take it easy and so on. any manner of pain no matter how manageable or fierce, lasting longer than it should, is counted for chronic pain.

your knee pain flares up and stays in pain (regardless if its gone from fire to a dull ache) for the next few days or longer? chronic pain. your wrist has been in pain for a week and this happens often? chronic pain.

it doesnt matter where on your body, pain is pain and prolonged pain is chronic.

theres ways to make it more manageable, so long as you listen to your body and care for it. ice packs or hot showers/baths and anti-inflammatory meds can bring down swelling and relax the muscles, for example. you might find different things work for you and different pain you have, thats fine! not everything suggested might work for everyone.

not everyone has the ability to see a doctor but its important to try and talk to one if you can. and its okay to change doctors if you have any issues with your current one, especially if they arent listening to you.

its important to know your bodies limits as well, and to try not to push yourself past them unless you absolutely have to. dont let anyone pressure you into doing so. pain becomes more manageable once you understand your limitations.

feel free to add on tips and stuff about your experience with chronic pain! but please note im not a doctor and cannot diagnose you all i can tell you is what your symptoms sound like to me and suggest things for you to look into.

POST IS ABOUT CHRONIC PAIN AND PHYSICAL DISABILITY, DO NOT DERAIL.

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rat-rosemary · 1 year

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rat, with all politeness, i dont think q needs therapy. I think something happened behind the scenes between the two (Dream and Q), and Dream upset Q over something that may not be entirely QSMP related--QSMP/USMP may have been the straw to break the camels back. Strong disclaimer, I dont think Dream is abusive/evil, this is just my real life example to illustrate why someone ghosts. It is an extreme--- I cut contact/went no contact with an abusive parent--they took to social media for a year straight with massive posts about how much they loved me, how they dont understand why I did that, how theyre very sorry and support me in everything. They refused to take "i do not want to speak with you, unless you can respect my boundaries" as an answer. Constantly they overstepped. Id tell them "here is why im mad" and they would turn around and say "i dont get why theyre mad?! I apologized?" Or "those reasons arent enough!" Many times other people contacted me on their behalf with claims they were dying/sick. They were not. Some of my parents friends would stalk me/insist I must be mentally unwell.

I dont think Dream is remotely doing that. I think hes a normal, if flawed, guy. However, I empathize heavily with Q. People don't get no-contact. They think its about cruelty. Its about "no matter how much we communicate you continue to not hear me/disrespect me. For my own health, i would like to stop this relationship." Its a last resort for when you tried everything.

I dont know what happened between them, but Im squicked by Dreams refusal to accept Quackity does not want to talk. Its my own personal bias/experience and it bothers me people assume Q's crazy/cruel, because Ive been there. I feel Dreams pain, but I think he might have missed the bigger issue at some point.

But its all speculation. I just ask politely dont label that action crazy. Youre welcome to not reply, i just noticed youre very much trying to see all sides.

Yes, if Quackity didn't want to talk to Dream anymore I think that's fine

But the thing is, he didn't have to talk to Dream to help manage this situation! He could just have made a tweet saying "hey guys, this is not okay, back off" and it would have been fine!

That's why Dream has been so insisting with this whole thing. Because he and his loved ones are in very serious danger, bad enough to get the police AND the fbi involved and Quackity could have helped to make it better by just making a quick comment or a single tweet telling his fans to stop

I absolutely agree that people don't get how hard it is to go non-contact with someone, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but Quackity didn't need to be in contact with Dream to do something

Because the people he needed to talk to are his own fans, who he is in contact with

(Also, I'm kind of saying it sounds like Quackity needs therapy because from everything we have been presented with, it sound more like there was something bothering him that he refused to communicate to his friends and it grew until this happen. But hey, I don't know because he refuses to give his side of the story!)

#also I do think that if he never wanted to talk to Dream again he should have just told him that #and actually established a boundary #but he didnt so dream kept soing his best to communicate and try to get help with this problem caused by Quackity's community #also ill be honest. there are a lot of people i hate a lot in my life #but i wouldnt wish what is happening to dream to any of them #anyway #the voices #discourse #i may also have a lot less enphaty for Quackity because other people outside of Dream are getting hurt #yes his friends and family but also completely random fans #we all know about the horror movie that was the usmp updates admin's story #but the fandom in general have been dealing with a ton of threats and doxxing

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kingmystrie · 8 months

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Idk its so weird how many people have a weird complex abt thoughts and feelings.

This is a long post so if you read it please read it in it's entirety, i do not want anything to be taken out of context. I don't want people who want to normalize harmful actions to feel comfortable around me and I dont want people needlessly fighting me either. It's rambly i go into tangents and i dont even know what this is about really.

Like your thoughts your brain dialouges have no effect on reality. You can't effect reality until you take action, the second that your take action you've effected reality.

This is why I get so upset when people focus on whether or not someone has "intent" to do harm when harm has already been done. They already did the thing, it being done proves they have the potential to do it again.

Another note is that someone actions do not reflect on their intent either, but anyone should know this anytime they said something online and other people couldnt decipher their tone. But also, your thoughts don't inherently mean you intend to do something. Like you can consider taking an action and imagine doing an action in detail and even want to do that action but not actually intend on doing that action even when you have the means to do so.

When i was a teenager i wanted to attack my peers, i considered attacking my peers and killing them, i imagined it in extreme detail and how i would do it, even wanted to do it at times, but i never did it because i also knew in my heart that in reality if i were to do it i would be insatisfied and hate myself for it.

Sexual thoughts arent an exception to this, the rhetoric of thoughts having to end in action to me, feels like an encouragement for people to act on their impulses. "If feeling like you want to do something is equivocated to actually doing the thing then you might as well do it anyways, right?"

I have seen time and time again people break way from the idea that their thoughs are as bad as actions only to fall into the tarpit that is "theres no way I could do such things!" and lose all their inhibitions. And I think it's in part because of the stress of having to manage both thoughts and actions simultaneously all the time without rest naturally grinds the psyche down into a brittle dust.

You get so worked up about social pressures and the games of respectability that you gain the urge to cut everything loose and become the worst version of yourself. And it's horrible! Because doing that would be awful and harmful. Its not worth hurting people just because you're hurting, ever.

Its never okay.

While I understand peoples aversion and frustrations of my nitpicking of this very very highly specific way people talk about desire, afterall people only ever talk about these things when someone took the actions to hurt another human being, i feel like it doesnt reflect the nuances of the human condition.

Especially considering victims of all kinds of traumas often have intrusive [unwanted] thoughts of causing harm onto others.

I hate making posts like this because it sounds like apologia, i want to make it clear here that what someone says and the art they make is also an action. Stories are things people read and can be effected by so when sharing them people need to do so in a careful manner.

I also think that the glorification and romanticisation of pain is a very real issue that has become deeply ingrained in our culture. I also think that people should be able to avoid media that they personally cannot handle, and that kids should not feel obligated to read or look at something that they don't want to. Period.

I dont think theres any topic thats too taboo for a story to cover though. I think the breadth of the human experience needs to be expressed, and the painful ones are the ones needed to be let out the most. What I worry is that in the process of trying to get rid of predators and people who actually intend to do harm we also end up hurting people who are just trying to recover from those same people.

I think we can get rid of those who intend to do harm from our communities without hurting such individuals, I dont think we have to compromise the mental wellbeing of survivors of abuse to keep our communities safe.

I just want people to choose their words wisely, because I don't think I have any different goals than the majority of people, but the discussions about art and what is acceptable has become highly tied to some weird social game and it's fucking killing me because I can't tell if anyone is actually trying to have a productive conversation or if they're just tryibg to get some kindof vindication or validation.

I don't think I'm right about anything. I think I'm stupid, I'm hurting and I'm scared and I'm angry at the world and I want things to be better. And i don't know how to make things better. But i know we can do better than this.

#mystrierumble

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corpsegold · 9 months

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got a self help book for narcissism lol. its pretty good actly. did the tests inside, got a score thats just a bit over the "woopsie ur a narc" boundary. Feel ok about it tho. Met a woman during a bender a while ago and was talking to her about it all. She was significantly worse than me. Going through the questionnaires made me realise which aspects of it are issues and which ones arent. Theres a lot of overlap with autism and addiction. After the questionnaires it goes straight into talking about childhood emotional neglect which was kinda mind blowing. Feels validating

I feel less like its the end of the world now. I know that I'm not inherently a bad person, its just gonna be more difficult for me to be a kind person than it might be for other people. Its nice to see what things I need to learn how to manage, and that it could be way WAYYYY worse. It feels good to be able to undertand myself. Its like I need to put a lot more effort into securing and regulating my self esteem. Like eating properly, or sleeping well, I gotta try to manage that, and then itll be easier to be nice to people and not want to die

being a narc doesnt really change anything. I always had these issues. Like getting the label just means I understand why, and its not all the end of the world. I can be more sensible about myself now and hopefully make less chaos.

the book said that like. when youre a child you make these barriers to block of emotions, and thats why you cant have compassion for yourself as an adult, or for anyone else. You find it really hard to empathise because those parts are locked away, but theyre still there and you can get back in contact with them, it just takes loads of work and is really painful. Which is neat tbh

I've felt like I only have 75% of a soul for a long time. Its nice to think that I'm still a whole person inside, its just that parts are locked away. When I was reading the emotional neglect stuff, bits of memories were coming back. It was weird to notice that a tiny part of me felt an impulse to cry over it, but it was really easy to quash. It was like there was a placeholder emotion there. There was an emotion, like a subdued tension, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was like actually feeling the wall.. kind of like "oh yeah I have feelings about this but I'm actually genuinely not feeling them right now" like I didnt have to. It wasnt hard or anything. It wasn't really numb either. Just muted. placeholder

So yeah I've definitely got some narcissistic pathology that gets in the way of being functional, but it could be WAYYYYY worse. Its nice to feel like its not my fault for once? idk if that makes any sense. Its nice to understand that I might never get to be happy, but I can maybe find moments of peace. Its unrealistic to be able to live the life I want to, or to ever be satisfied, but I can get better at regulating and be a nicer person, and then existing might not be so painful

I think its going to be a long road of practising listening and gratitude and keeping things simple. None of those come naturally to me AT ALL. and then maybe it'll be possible to not have to always use myself as a map to understand the rest of the world or other people. Or to not always have to see myself through a lens of success and failure. If that's all that I know how to do, and I use myself as a map, then it makes sense why I'm like this . but mb it wont always have to be this way

#crazy stuff

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sajdd · 3 years

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i will never understand people who try to seperate c!tommy and c!dream as if their stories and character progression arent interwoven with each other

their dynamic is so interesting and tragic...

they used to genuinely be friends, brothers even. dream would antagonise tommy a lot, he would break his own rules and do things to get on tommy's nerves to play with him, but back then we all saw it as some light-hearted fun, its how tommy saw it too. he had fun in this little play-war they had going on

and then came wilbur. then came lmanberg. and suddenly he was spending more time around his actual brother. he was actually fighting against dream, it wasn't just play anymore. so then came the declaration of independence, and so came the declaration of war. the burned down house, the blown up land, the final control room, the duel, the trade.

but tommy didn't truly hate dream, not yet. but dream’s motives were so unclear, what was the truth? and what was a lie? switching sides so many times, trying to push away the blame from himself, wanting to support tommy in taking back l’manberg to helping wilbur blow up the whole place and teaming with schlatt. and so came the final battle of pogtopia and manberg, there were no winners that day but there was hope. they survived, and tommy would get his disks back from dream.

and then came exile. nothing would ever be the same for them. dream wanted tommy all to himself, and if that meant he had to cut off his contact with everyone else and quite literally beat it into his head that he is tommy's only friend? well.. some sacrifices have to be made. he'll come around eventually... and he did! but then dream pushed him too far and he ran away.

tommy was under technoblade's protection for a while, but dream couldnt afford to waste his favour on that. so he waited, and he planned. their alliance was short-lived anyway, as soon as tommy realised what he truly cared about it was over. naturally, he was going to side with the blood god himself. i mean, what better way to rub his victory into tommy’s face. his expression was priceless! this kid is just too much fun.

and he'll roam free for now, until their final battle. he'll get rid of that pest called tubbo and he can finally put tommy somewhere he cant escape from :) but then punz shows up and drags the rest of the server with him. betrayed. and tommy has the upper hand now- except. he has also secret card up his sleeve. the revive book. tommy wont get rid of him if he can potentially bring back his beloved brother.

and while dream is stuck rotting in prison, tommy starts healing. he gets better. but.. its so weird without dream. so why not visit him! to rub his victory in his face and show how much better everything is without him. how much better he's doing. he's here to rub it in his face and not because he still feels so lonely and dream is his friend and please god why wont someone love me- and the hotel is going great, he's inviting people and healing and noone comes except for the people trying to kill him but he's still friends with tubbo even if they're drifting apart and he has ranboo and why am i being replaced what did i do wrong and he goes to visit dream for the final time, its really time to put an end to this.

and then there's explosions. muffled through the obsidian walls surrounded in lava. the inescapable, unbreakable, impenetrable prison is being blown up. and dream is laughing. and dream is not surprised. and tommy is stuck with dream, because sam wont let him out its protocol and he’s stuck with dream and itll be just like exile tommy.

but he manages to survive, he cant breathe and the walls are closing in and he just wishes someone would come save him at least this one time but nobody comes. and dream is talking of partnership and running away together but there is no "us", tommy's going to get out of here and dream will die sad and alone and i bet the revive book isnt even real- and then he's screaming for help but it comes too late. he's being ripped apart and all he knows is pain and void and oh god its wilbur again. he exists in this darkness for 2 months before getting dragged back to life by the devil himself.

and there will be no more normal ever again. even the slightest pain reminds him of dying and limbo and wilbur and we can be immortal together tommy! and oh my god he has to kill dream no one should have that much power and wilbur cant come back-

and of course wilbur comes back. because he fucked up. tommy fucked up and now sam is angry, and tubbo and ranboo are angry and ghostbur is dead and wilbur is back and dream is alive rotting in that prison and why cant i just have peace for one moment what did i do to deserve this

and then his brother proclaims dream a hero. and why would he say that he knows what he did to me why would he say that

and so dream waits for wilbur to come. he knows he'll visit, he's indebted to him, he will be SO grateful for bringing him back. and if he can control wilbur then he can control tommy. and they can be friends again.

and maybe its time tommy accepted he cant run away from dream. for as long as he’s alive they are destined to be together. after all, he is tommy's friend. the one constant throughout this whole story. they have too much fun together. he was the one person who was there when no one else was. and no matter how much he hates it, somewhere deep down he still cares about dream and it makes him feel sick. but once tommy has love for you in his heart he can never really let go of it, no matter how much you might hate him or hurt him, he will still love you, remembering the good times, the fun times. and that's all dream wants doesn't he? he just wants to have fun.

(sorry this was so long idk what came over me also my thought process in the tags)

#lmao sorry this is so long and rambly #i started off wanting to explain smth but i basically ended up writing a fanfic #this is supposed to be messy btw #ITS MENTAL ILLNESS INNIT #their dynamic is just so interesting because of how it descended into this unhealthy obsession dream has with tommy and what he did to him #but he genuinely cares for him but in this.. sick and twisted way #and we know how tommy is with those he cares about. he never really stops caring #and he forgives #even if hes pissed off #its a tragic dynamic and its so interesting #it all falls apart so terribly #so dont seperate these two characters and stories because they are vital to each others development and story progression #just. so interesting #and horrifying #this was fun to write even if im shit at writing #long post #tommyinnit #dream smp #dreamwastaken #c!tommy #c!dream #c!dream critical #this isnt rlly critical but i dont want the apologists to come after me because i dont woobify dream lmao

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marunalu · 3 years

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Ok seriously, WHY is nobody talking about the fact that izukus hair is turning white???

Im saying it, THIS is exactly what afo wants to happen! Izukus fight against his classmates is supposed to parallel tomuras fight against re destro. In that fight tomura just like izuku hadnt sleeped or eaten for a long time and was under a lot of stress and pain. His memories about his past came back to him, his quirk awakend and he defeated re destro and his hair completly turned white by the end.

If we consider all the paralells between izuku and tomura its very likely to say, that the same will happen to izuku here. Like re destro did with tomura, something will piss izuku so much off (most likely bk because unlike the rest of the class, he thinks insulting, mocking and being aggressive towards izuku is the way to reach him in his current mental state) that he will snap. Tomura remembered all the shit and unfair thinks that happend in his life, so the same thing could happen here to izuku. Bk will be the catalyst to awaken either izukus very own quirk or the 2th ofa users. Izuku will not be defeated by his classmates or captured and being dragged back to ua here (the poem hori posted hinted that izuku will not be defeated in the rain and its raining right now) and because of all the negative emotions he stored up over the last 11 years of his miserable life his hair will turn completly white. Considering all the parallels and the direction the story seems to go, I believe this fight will end like this:

With a defeated bk and an izuku barely standing on his feet.

And ending with bk kneeling in front of him and begging for forgiveness for all the shit he went izuku through in the past (and also coming to terms with the fact that izuku is more powerful then him now), while the rest of class A stays in the background horrified and shocked about the things that just happend between this two.

Hori himself said bk WILL apologiez and it needs to be a powerful moment with the rest of class A as wittnesses and realizing that bk AND NOT all might like bk claimes is responsible for izukus nonexistent selfworth. Just THEN can bk finally and truly walk the path of atonement and redemtion NOT before. So that his character can really change for the better and become a better person without falling back to his old temper tantrum bullying asshole self. The question is: will izuku forgive him? Or will bk really have to work hard for it, like endeavour is still not forgiven even after regretting and apologiezing for his actions?

Abuse is abuse! Bullying is a form of abuse that can really fuck up a persons mental state. It doesnt matter if bk was just a kid or teenager, espicially if you consider that people YOUNGER then him are able to realize that his actions and behavior are terrible and wrong. And the thing is he is STILL bullying izuku. The reason izuku doesnt react to that is because he is USED to it. He endured that for 11 years! Izuku was always selfless. His selfworth is what he LOST after a whole decade of abuse. Selflessnes and nonexistent selfworth arent the same thing!

With 15/16 bk is old enough to understand what the diffetence between right and wrong is. Yes bk sacreficed himself for izuku in the war arc but EVERYONE in class A would have done that! What bk did was the bare minimum he is SUPPOSED to do as a future hero. His own feelings here also dont matter here. It doesnt matter what his reasons were zo bully izuku, because HE is the abuser and the damage he did to izukus psyche is STILL DONE! The ONLY thing that matters right now are izukus feelings - the feelings of a victim who suffered 11 years of terrible mental AND physical abuse (bk beat him up, used his quirk on him and destroyed his property) by bks hand.

And mark my words, shortly after that fight afo (dad) will show up to pick up his son and will mockingly thanks class A for doing such a wonderful job in making his junior snap and break, something all the villains he sent didnt manage to archieve over the last few weeks/months! Then when afo is about to disappear with an dead tired and injured izuku, the class will try to reach him in time, but fail and so we will get our parallel of the end of the training camp arc in which bk was kidnapped by the lov and a captured izuku will tell them to “stay away“ before he vanishes. Thats what Im sure (or hope) right now will happen. After that the real “safe izuku arc“ will kick in. This one is just a red herring to set the plot into motion. Bonus points if dad for one reveal will happen and the class will find out, because now they are faced with the dilema that their friend is the son of THE super villain of japan!

Also Im not sure if this post should be considered as anti bk, so I tagged it as such just to be sure.

#bnha #mha #bnha theorys #bnha spoiler #izuku midoriya #all for one #afo #dad for one #dfo #anti bakugou???#bakugou faces consequences

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mha-quotes-and-such · 3 years

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im judging 1-a's hero costumes and want to share them with you :) just as a general base for this assume im judging everyone for not having the appropiate amount of padding on their costume

aoyama: sir, this isnt a modern fashion show this is crime fighting.

ashido: look, i know her whole schtick is like, 80s (90s??) era, but i am on my knees begging her to at least choose prints that go with each other.

tsuyu: honestly? its good. i think she should maybe add some blues and browns into it if shes going to be fighting in water so she can blend in a bit more, but its very nice already.

iida: sir, sir, why are you wearing the equivalent of a medieval suit of armor. he can run fast, yeah, but that wont do much if they can hear him coming a mile away.

uraraka: another one i really like. the color scheme is cute, you cant tell what her quirk is just by looking at it, and she has a face protector!! you go you funky little hero.

ojiro: i mean, it fits his personality? i look at his character and go ehhh. and then i see his hero costume and go ehhh. very on brand.

kaminari: the jacket is a grabby hazard. maybe he could fix the ends to the rest of his costume so they arent flapping around? other than that its good.

kirishima: look, i love him as much as the next person but god please put on a shirt. take a leaf out of mirio's book and make a suit out of your hair, that way it hardens with you and adds an extra layer of protection. also the skirt thingy is a grabby hazard.

koda: gonna be honest, i had to look it up because i could not remember what it looked like BUT when i saw it it was a little confusing? the mouth. why. he couldve put anthing else on his shirt in relation to his quirk but goes with a set of teeth. get it ig?

sato: its solid. a little boring to look it which must be a pain to market off but its reliable? i mean it compliments him well so. king.

shoji: so theres nothing really wrong with it, but i just dont like it. i mean he doesnt have much to work with to be fair and it feels a little plain. not like i could do any better though.

jiro: her costume looks like street clothes. the jacket, again, should be fixed to the rest of her costume so you cant grab it. her boots might weigh her down? idk maybe theyre made of lightweight material who knows.

sero: another one i dont necessarily have a strong opinion about. it works well with his quirk, he sticks to a few main colors, and his helmet thing looks like a tape dispenser. hes easily marketable and its efficient.

tokoyami: haha edgelord. but its useful. his cloak helps dark shadow if theres too much light and it just fits his aesthetic. another easy market (esp towards teens)

todoroki: why.

hagakure: see above, but more stressed. please, just copy mirio and make a suit out of your hair. we are all begging you.

bakugou: oh boy uh. green and orange are So Ugly together. they just dont work and the black background theyre on only accentuates this. another note: his gauntlets are too big for him to open a door. this man would never be able to do stealth missions unless he lost the gauntlets.

midoriya: i like his, honestly. he adapted it to work well with his quirks and he also reinforced the places and he needex extra support (wrists/hands). stuck to a color scheme.

mineta: i genuinely do not understand what the thing around his waist is for?? what is it. also cape: garbby hazard. id tone down the yellow a bit, just so it doesnt scream out his position because its eye catching.

yaoyorozu: you are a child. i cant believe i am reiterating this point so much but make a suit out of your hair. your hair is a surface on your body ergo, you should be able to produce your creations through it without exposing yourself.

+aizawa: i mean, it works for an underground hero. he doesnt have to worry about his appearance, just practicality. he has his goggles, his scarf. the only thing bad is the bagginess. some villain is going to grab the extra fabric and yeet him into a brick wall.

I’ll be honest. Whenever costumes are involved I always get a little scared. But you anon? You’ve managed to be OSHA and the fashion police all at once. I literally can’t add anything to this you are objectively correct

And THANK YOU for bringing up the ‘make costumes out of your hair’. Sure it might not work 100% of the time. But at LEAST Hagakure could! I would like to see it for all the ones you’ve mentioned tho, it’s incredibly practical and also way more protective for these children

#momo and Hagakure especially are unacceptable #like you’re gonna throw some ‘tHeY hAvE tO’ logic at me #and then give us Mirio???#not a quote #ask #long post

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cherriesink · 3 years

Text

Defrott - Murmurs

Murmurs are snippets of character reflection earned by increasing Explore Points during Exploration. They usually include 6-7 monologues about other characters and 3-4 monologues about things important to the specific character.

These lines are taken straight from the English translation of the game, so fair warning of bad grammar.

About Yatsufusa “Yatsufusa is also a new type of vampire different from Shutaro Kurusu. He enjoys plays, literature, and music... Rich slacker was the term, was it? It probably means that they are the wealthy enough so they can do what they want. Like aristocrats back in the days.

But that’s a suited way to live for vampires. Because the key to a long life is having a hobby.

And above all, Yatsufusa has a unique skill. It’s probably his ability to reason... but it’s as if he’s an actor acting on stage with a script in hand. He can reenact the crime scene just by looking at the remains. Very fascinating.

It’s also elegant how he uses his brains when fighting in a battle, unlike other vampires. I’m curious how he is 100 years from now, so I want him to live long. But from my experience... boys like him sacrifice themselves for somebody else and end up dying. Just like Mercutio...”

About Kurusu “Shutaro Kurusu... He’s not an exception, but Japanese people are interesting. Because they call themselves monsters. In Europe, we called ourselves God. Both humans and vampires will suffer if they cannot find their raison d'être.

Frailty, thy name is vampire. Vampires like Kurusu were mocked in the ages I’ve gone through. Being mocked is still cute... Worse case, you’d be killed. I wonder if his type are mainstream nowadays? It must be the age of time...

Things rarely surprise me since I’ve gone to different countries. But usually, A-Class vampires will become full of themselves. And... how do I say it- think themselves as God.

But I guess Kurusu is different. A vampire that fears his own powers... quite interesting. He is just like Hamlet. Because he is struggling how to utilize his own powers.”

About Maeda “Maeda from Code Zero... I don’t like him. He’s not elegant.

I think our time is coming close to an end. We do not belong anywhere in the future that’s filled with rationalization. We will become extinct...

So I want to disappear gracefully when my time has come. I want vampires to be spotless when we must go. But- he and his unit are treating vampires like toy soldiers for modern warfare. That is not how vampires should end their lives, absolutely not.

...But I can still tolerate with their nonsense. After all, they’re still a tiny unit with Kurusu, Yamagami, Suwa, and Takeuchi. If they grow bigger to the point where they look hideous, then I must crush and erase them from this world.

Yoshinobu Maeda will be the Macbeth... who goes first on the list.”

About Yamagami “Unranked vampires are no different from ordinary human beings. That guy in Code Zero- Yamagami was it? He always looks at me with frightened eyes, but he doesn’t interest me at all.

Everyone fears us, but S-Class vampires are apathetic about most things. We don’t fear people, we don’t get upset, and you even forget how to cry when you live as long as me.

So, unranked vampires arent that different from plants to me. I’d be interested in him if he was a really good actor, or something about him was elegant and beautiful.

I’ll tell him that he doesn’t have to be so scared of me next time. And that I’ll won’t kill him unless he coughs during my stage.”

About Takeuchi “Takeuchi makes me feel sad. The world should have mysteries that we cannot understand. Because that is how great poems are born. Beautiful Greek mythology or the story of Icarus wouldn’t have been born if people understood what the sun was.

Beauty lies within the darkness. Art forms through our imagination and what we find in that darkness. But the light of civilization swept that darkness and snatched away beauty from this world...

Takeuchi would’ve been dead a long time ago if killing him was my solution. But things are changing rapidly throughout the entire world since the Industrial Revolution. So in the end, the light will vanish us because we are vampires.

But I think science is dangerous in its own ways. Because you can die from getting too close to the sun just like Icarus did.”

About Suwa “Suwa- an underaged vampire that’s been living a long time. Just like me. He must be wise if he managed to survive this far being a C-Class vampire.

He also enjoys plays- so he’s checked off the list to longevity, I see. But he is too aggressive for a vampire his age. I think he can be a bit more laid-back.

But I guess the humanness left inside him is what keeps him going. Vampires that have a strong feeling towards something tend to keep up their sanity just like me. Although, that is the same for humans as well...

I heard he was attacked by a group of vampires disguising themselves as a missionary. If he has 11 sitgmatas in total, that means he was bitten by 11 different vampires. I heard the classless ones that got banished from Europe went to Asian countries east of India. So I guess they were some of them.”

About Tenman-ya “I must say that Tenman-ya is quite interesting. There was something similar in Europe called guilds. Although, it was a place where people paid their blood in exchange for getting rid of someone they loathe.

But Tenman-ya pays with blood if vampires help out with carpenters or craftsmen. I have never seen vampires work for blood until I ran into them. That is why I never get tired of this world. Is it a cultural difference? I’m sure vampires in France won’t use it even if a shop with the same concept opened its doors. It takes too much time. I am... an actor myself, but it’s more like a hobby to me.

To top it off, I heard their master adores vampires and despises humans... Different things pop up at different times and countries indeed. So it it very fascinating.

However, it seems my time is almost up. I can’t keep up with this era anymore.”

About Family “My younger brother is quite famous- but I do not brag about it in public. My brother is a hero. But it will only hurt his reputation if the world finds out that his older brother is a vampire.

A vampire named Clotide turned me into a vampire. She was someone who I used to call my sister... She mastered ancient Greek and, her abilities were top-notch out of all the vampires I’ve seen. Her levels surpassed the ranking system. I am one of the oldest vampires, but even those vampires called her the “Ancient Vampire” or the “Ancient Goddess.”

An ancient code of vampires goes: “Thou shall not breed children or animal vampires.” If broken, the new life shall be ended. My sister broke the code and protected me. She protected and hid me. We traveled the entire world together...

I did not hold a grudge against her for making me into a vampire... Yet, she never forgave herself. She never did... until the end...”

About Japan “I was always interested in Japan. It all began when I watched “Madama Butterfly” at La Scala. Puccini is fascinating. I do not agree with the ending most of the time, but his music is fantastic. It makes you forget that fuzzy feeling you get.

I have never been to Asia in my life even when being alive for hundreds of years. I had nothing to do... after losing my sister. So, I first went to Beijing where “Turandot” took place. I stayed in Shanghai for awhile, and I said to myself, “Might as well visit Japan since that’s where Madama Butterfly took place...”

But it was disappointing since it was nothing like the Japan depicted at La Scala. I was expecting something more oriental but the country was busy constructing western-style buildings. I should’ve come 100 years earlier...

But it ended up being a country that provokes my curiosity.”

About Vampires “Most vampires are terrified of me and stay away from my territory. Vampires rarely come near the Imperial Theater since they know that it’s my home. Excluding Code Zero and Yatsufusa... that is.

Those that hide in caves deep inside a mountain and come down for blood once in a while are the most dangerous vampires. Because most of their humanness has long been gone, and some of them have not spoken to anyone for hundreds of years. They forget how to speak. Not elegant at all. Plus, they are only a pain that calls for attention. So I sweep them up.

Vampires are not widely known because they are faithful to their principles to an extent. So boorish ones are even hated by their own kind... Why can’t we all live elegantly?”

#mars red #defrott

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axel-mania · 3 years

Text

yesterday was the first time i met someone with ehlers-danlos. i was seeing her because she is a physical therapist with the disease i may have, and i hoped she could tell me whether my current pt is killing me with his treatment. and, you know, what she had done to be a working adult rather than someone frequently bedridden. it was a tiny office. i felt small, trapped, staring down at the intake paperwork, over a hundred questions and longer than any ive done before. i was so scared i wouldnt be able to get through that part and still have the scheduled meeting. but i guess she cared about seeing me, because even though other patients were asking for her help she still took the time to talk to me.

so you write down all your pain, put down numbers that dont really convey anything about it, just trying to say that youre suffering and it should matter enough that something is done about it. i feel like im lying if i use all tens, but that means they might not take me seriously. on the flip side, im still walking and talking, no matter how feebly, so they might think im exaggerating it. my first adults' doctor told me id just have to learn to live with all this. but maybe this person understands. maybe shell care.

youre just a six on the hypermobility scale. its eight to tens when we start to see the really bad conditions like ehlers-danlos. thats what the rheumatologist i was referred to said. but this physical therapist wasnt very flexible and shed been diagnosed. so she ended up completely redoing my evaluation. when i could bring myself to string more than a few words together to tell her, that is. i always feel stupid during these kinds of things. even if i record my pain, i dont have the right words to describe whats happening. i cant definitively answer all their questions, just give guesses. but she could see inflamed joints, out of place tendons, pops that i couldnt even hear. so i ended up meeting the criteria. it almost means nothing.

i dont have an official diagnosis, which is almost impossible to gain, so i cant get benefits. well, i can at least pursue treatment, right? not really. she shot down the pain management options i had learned from the patient community, and said most people who felt worse in physical therapy were looking for someone to blame. shes the success case, and she presides over many more patients than me. so what could i do but accept it?

theres only hard work. work you literally cant do if youre in enough pain. physically, im lucky. compared to others, my body has only broken down a little, so i can still do regular exercise. at the same time, no matter how hard i try, it will break down more. its a race alongside time. you can only get so much better as your body naturally gets worse. teaching your joints to stay in place doesnt mean making your body into a different one.

youre never going to exist without pain every day. really sit with that for a second. you have to mentally say, im okay with this hard exertion every day, and im okay with it leading to only marginal and very long term benefits. i choose life no matter the consequences.

and i cant choose that, not right now. not when i have questionable friends online and absolutely no one in real life. not when im living with my transphobic parents and am going to struggle to find any employment that can accommodate my disability. theres just really no reason. the one person who was dependent on me no longer is. i dont believe in life as an abstract good. so really, this seems to be a sign to kill myself.

whats going to happen isnt me dramatically and immediately hanging myself while my parents are asleep. its going to be a slow starvation. i repeatedly refuse to choose between life and death, fail to consistently do the exercise, and suffer more until its too much. this isnt exactly a cry for anyone to try talking me down. ive long since decided not to do that for others anymore, and i dont want it for me either. but it is sort of an open question... why are some people so happy to choose a miserable life? what do they have that i dont? maybe its a circular problem. im bitter because people arent caring for me enough, and people dont want to care for me because im bitter.

#im typing this because i want to be seen #and i dont feel seen by anyone #but probably this is too difficult to respond to so i wont get any response #lol

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thequeenb · 4 years

Text

Lost Love (part 4)

Pairings: KamilahxMC

Kamilah entered Adrian's office and right away it was obvious how tired she was. Vampires shouldn't feel exhausted but she was, and everyone could tell.

Adrian knew right away that Kamilah wasn't her usual self. She was always careful of her appearance, her posture. Now her eyes were tired, her body language begged for mercy and her suit was wrinkled.

"Hello Kamilah you look--"

"Save it Raines, i have a headache already" she said massaging her temples

The minute she opened her mouth the smell of Whiskey filled the room, Adrian's eyes filled with pity

"Nicole was able to find an address of a small apartment near Central park"

As soon as she heard these words her eyes shined bright, like a lightning of hope hit her. She squared up her shoulders fixing her suit

"What are we waiting for?"

___

They soon arrived at a small apartment complex. Kamilah stared at the building closing her eyes

"Kami? What are you doing out here its cold" Amy said wrapping her hands around herself

Kamilah looked at her eyes ignoring the rest of the world, the rain falling making her clothes soaking wet

"I- i couldn't sleep because i was thinking and i just couldn't--"

"Kami please come in its freezing cold" Amy plead with her eyes, something Kamilah couldn't resist

She lead her up to her apartment. It was small and cozy, a huge difference between her penthouse. But she didn't care, it was warm and welcoming with a nice atmosphere

"So will you tell me what happened? I am going to bring you some towels and--"

She hesitated at first but she grabbed Amy's arm pulling her against her. She was soon pinned against the wall gasping

"I..i think i have feelings for you" Kamilah breathed out

Amy smiled trying to control her heartbeat but it was impossible given the fact that she waited for this moment since they first met

"Are you alright?" Adrian asked placing a hand on the back

She nodded unable to speak, afraid that the emotions will get the best of her and she will be vulnerable once again.

They both stood outside of the door looking uneasy. Kamilah was about to ring the bell but she stopped her hand mid air

"If you aren't ready we can--" Adrian started talking but before he could finish she rang the doorbell fast, no longer able to regret.

Her panic grew inside of her realising that she didn't thought of their next step. Amy will open the door and then what? Maybe she was crazy and she was just imagining things but all the worries disappeared as the door cracked open.

A purple hair woman answered it eyeing them confused

"Heyy..how can i help you?" she said watching the two strangers Infront of her.

Kamilah cleared her throat trying to find the right words. Were they in the wrong apartment? Was this even a good idea?

"We..we want to ask you a few questions if thats ok"

The woman suddenly felt uneasy. Amy had been gone for some time now and she was scared that this was about her. Stepping aside she gestured at them to come in

They sat uncomfortably on the couch across from her, the silence in the room felt heavy until Adrian started the conversation.

"Lets start with the introductions, i am Adrian Raines and this is my friend Kamilah Sayeed"

"I am..Lily" she said, her eyes growing wide "if this is for that one time i tried to hack the-"

"Thats not why we are here" Kamilah said massaging her temples

"Wait, you guys arent from the FBI?" Lily gasped exaggeratedly

"No thats..we aren't even-" Adrian started but Kamilah lost her patience

"Listen my time is valuable so dont waste it"

"Wow calm down grandma.."

"Boom i won.. again!!" Lily yelled excited doing a victory dance

"This is unfair you know you are a vamprire i am not" Amy said crossing her arms

"You know for two people in the middle of a chaos you are loud enough" Kamilah said leaning against a ruined wall

"Come join us! Some of the video games are crushed but we managed to get some working" Amy's eyes softened at the sight of the woman that made her heart skip a beat, and tonight.. tonight it may be their last night.

"Oh come on grandma i can teach you" Lily said instantly regretting "i mean- yes join us um please?"

Amy's sweet laughter echoed through the destroyed mall, but even if this ugly reality exists Kamilah felt hopeful knowing that Amy will be there with her.

Gasping she covered her mouth with her hand. Kamilah was now inches away from her face, her eyes red with anger. Adrian was holding her back repeating her name

"I..i know you.." she breathed out confused "how do i know you?"

Kamilah sat back as the realisation hit her "You are.. Amy's best friend". Adrian seemed to be on the same page looking at Lily who ran to the kitchen

"I..i am but she is not here" she now looked uncomfortable and hurt remembering how cruelly she left her behind

"I don't know where she had been ever since but..she left this if it helps"

She handed the note to Kamilah who started reading it, her eyes growing wet

"The people that i love dont remember me" she repeated hating herself for not remembering her, but it wasnt her fault and still something seemed off.

"Where she could be?" Adrian was lost in thought as all of them

"Her parents live in America?"

"Yes, which makes it harder if she left the US" Lily sighed heavily, the situation finally sinking in

"Its weird right? That i dont know you but i kind of do?" It was so confusing for all of them and they were determinated to find the only person who knows the truth.

"We called her but she hang up almost immediately" Kamilah said looking embarrassed about her naive behaviour, she was always so strategic that being implosive was way out of her league.

"Maybe i can? I haven't called her because i couldn't..i couldn't bear if she wouldn't answer"

Adrian stood up looking apologetic "i have to go back to work but, dont hesitate to call me"

He said his goodbyes and disappear, leaving the two of them alone. An uncomfortable silence kept them distant but then Lily sat next to her clearly looking lost

"You know..i dont remember everything but, Amy talked a lot about you"

Her train of thoughts stopped as she dared to look at the woman next to her. Hearing Amy's name always made her forget everything

"You two loved eachother didn't you? And somehow we became friends"

Kamilah shrugged "There is something irritating about you"

A sly smile drew on her lips "oh please i am awesome" they shared a short laugh, one that didn't last to long before the conversation turned to Amy again.

"Do you.." Kamilah started but she paused thinking carefully about her next words "Do you mind telling me how she behaved before she was gone?"

Lily walked back to the kitchen bringing two glasses and a cheap wine "We will need this" she said pouring it into her glass.

___

Amy raised her hand and a taxi stopped Infront of her. She got in telling the driver where to take her. Tired she leaned her head against the window watching the sky, tonight the stars weren't shinning everything was pinch black

She couldn't sleep well and everytime her eyes managed to close the painful memories came back at once crushing her heart into pieces again.

She sighed, maybe this wasn't a wise choice but now it was to late to regret it. Finally the taxi came to a stop and she felt uneasy here goes nothing she encouraged herself and when she exited the car the weight of her decision made her heart beat faster, her mind going with 1000 per second.

___

"She was troubled, and none of us knew anything" Kamilah said as a single tear escaped her eye. She was quick to wipe it off, she always hate when she show vulnerability but Lily wasn't judgemental at all. The bottle of wine was now almost empty like Kamilah's heart.

"It was my fault, i could sense something was off but i just thought she was having a bad day" Lily groaned as her face collapsed to her hands.

Kamilah hesitated but she patted her back sympathetically understanding the pressure and the stress she must be feeling. But both of them jumped at the sound of the door bell ringing.

They looked eachother not knowing who it might be. It was very late at night so this was an alarm for Kamilah. They both stood up whispering

"I go get the door if thats ok" Lily nodded watching Kamilah opening carefully the door.

Everything stopped. The time, her breath, her heart. Her mouth opened without her realising and her eyes were wide in shock

Amy blinked a couple of times saying to herself that this is one of her mind tricks, she isn't real she had forgotten her. But the more she blinked the more real it felt.

"Amy.." she whispered, her voice charged with emotion

"Kamilah.." was all she managed to say before feeling her legs weak. She fell but Kamilah was quick to catch her in her arms.

Tag list: @trouble-with-the-curve @mrskamilxh @gavryllo @onyxgaytrash @la-guera-69 @thepotatobleh @sayeedbound @wildsayeed @ilovetaylorswiftforever7 @amorettemcsky @nydeiri @scarlet-letter-a0114 @blackphenix9527 @littlemissgreen97

#kamilah x mc #kamilah sayeed #bloodbound #choices fanfiction #bb fanfic #choices bb #bb kamilah #choices kamilah #kamilah is my queen #bb #lily spencer #adrian raines #play choices

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Do you think magnus has ever had panic attacks? how do you think alec or his friends (like raphael or cat or ragnor) would react/help?

I'm pretty sure he has, actually. i mean its pretty much impossible not to, with such a long live he's lived and all the trauma he's gone through. we got a glimpse of the kinds of nightmares he has, all the guilt he feels, and the unbearable pressure on his shoulders. he's strong af, but everyone breaks down, and there are parts of him that are still raw, and fragile sometimes

i imagine he's the type that absolutely tries to hide them, the type that feels them coming and is all like "excuse me" and manages to hold it back for exactly the time needed to get somewhere he can hide and break down. but his friends and family are attentive, and they know him, and after a while they start to recognize the signs that Magnus went away to have a panic attack/is about to have one

as for how they react...

Cat: cat is a medical professional, so i imagine she knows the best procedures. keep a distance, count the breaths, talk to him in a soothing voice, walk him through calming down, ask him about the things around him so he can regain his surroundings, etc. then, once he's back to breathing, she slowly comes towards him, asks if she can touch him, and when he says yes, strokes his hair and kisses his forehead. she then goes back and tells everyone Magnus had an emergency, takes him home (even if it takes some convincing to make him agree to leave), and stays the night with him, cuddling, talking about it, or providing a distraction

Ragnor: ragnor is probably a more awkward version of cat. The good thing about him is that he always keeps his cool and acts like whatever's happening is natural, and it's so absurd that Magnus starts laughing waterly and feels a little more at ease, because he's not making a huge fuss. He's like "oh dear, okay, Magnus, you're okay, let's calm down, yeah? breathe with me, in, out... yeah, see, that's not so hard" and it's kind of like ???? why are you so matter of fact about this??, but in a good way. then he probably conjures up Magnus some tea, and either portals him home, or goes back with him and stays by his side, sneakingly stealing the attention with crazy stories so people don't notice Magnus is off

Dot: Dot usually holds his hand, tells him that hes alright, might cheat sometimes by using magic to calm him down a little bit. Then once he's a little calmer, she probably serves as a pretty good distraction, talking to him about other things, playing music, allowing him to just forget until he's ready to open up and tell her what happened

Raphael: Raphael probably struggles a little, because Magnus is his father figure, and it's always a little earth shattering to see your parents breaking down. also, he has this image of himself as someone who struggles to express his feelings because hes not good at verbalizing them (plus autism frequently means his intentions are mistaken by people who don't know him) even if, actually, he's pretty damn good at showing Magnus that he cares. he worries so much about getting him to be okay it's painful, counting his breaths, cupping his face, Magnus, look at me, it's okay, you're okay, hugging him. Magnus might be scared but he'd never lash out at Raphael, so it works. then once Magnus has calmed down Raphael is just speeding around trying to get things for him. here's some water. here's food. can you portal home? I'll make you some food. like he needs to feel useful and also the latino instincts are always person sad = feed them. so he makes Magnus some soup, recipe of his mum that Magnus taught him especially for moments like these, makes him drink water and gets him blankets (gotta be toasty). usually Magnus ends up sleeping, but when he wakes up, Raphael is still there, probably cleaning his loft worriedly because he's like that, but as soon as magnus opens his eyes he's back at his side. are you alright? tell me what happened. and he listens to Magnus very attentively, free of judgement, and it's very heartwarming and reminds Magnus that Raphael cares about him so deeply, that he's not alone

Alec: he can probably never pretend for too long with alec when they arent home because Alec is always like "gotta keep tabs on my husband at all times" so if he disappears alec is immediately searching for him. he usually goes straight for the hug, and it's good, because he's so Big and can envelop Magnus like a cocoon if he wants, hiding him from the world and making him feel like, safe and sated. If sensory overload caused the attack it's particularly great, because it feels like a sensory deprivation chamber and he's just safe and with the right amount of pressure and touch, and Alec always feels nice. And he allows himself to cry on Alec's shoulder, and Alec whispers soothing things. Then Alec either takes him home and cuddles with him until he falls asleep and asks him about it the next day, or, if Magnus asks to go back, he goes with him. Alec understands the feeling of humiliation at having to leave an event because of something like this, and how sometimes, as a leader, or as a downworlder surrounded by shadowhunters, he can't without risking his position or the respect he gets. So he silently goes back with him, always with an appropriate excuse for their disappearance, no matter how long or sudden it was, and somehow even manages to be convincing enough that people dont think they left to fuck. he's a diplomat, after all. he guides Magnus through the rest of the event, making sure to avoid annoying people and to take the lead in conversations so Magnus doesnt have to strain himself emotionally too much. Then he takes Magnus home, helps him out of his clothes and makeup, cuddles with him until he falls asleep, and asks him about it the next day

i loved this ask, btw! It's interesting to think about how each of them would react to that situation and explore their dynamics and how each of them could be helpful. since each of them has a forte, depending on the situation they might call each other - raph, Magnus is too beaten up, can you get here and make some soup?, Alec, Magnus had a breakdown and he can't leave, would you come here?, Cat, we're worried, can you come and calm him down?, etc. Just give Magnus all the supporting network trying their hardest and playing their strengths to help him

#ask #anonymous #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #catarina loss #ragnor fell #dorothea rollins #dot rollins #raphael santiago #alec lightwood #malec #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #long post #adhd magnus bane #autistic raphael santiago #panic attack tw #anxiety tw

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thetrashbois · 4 years

Note

So first: nsfw Loki with predator/prey, Second: nsfw or sfw headcanon of Loki & Dark taking care of someone with a broken bone like my foot currently is lol.

Heh.

Loki with Predator/Prey Kink NSFW

When you bring it up to him a smirk is instantly on his face.

"So you want to be my little prey?"

Smug af

He sets it up in the palace (king loki bay bey) and makes sure the rest of the area is cleared out so its just you two.

He waits till night so its more of a challenge.

Gives you a 2 minute head start to hide

Once the chase is one he is ruthless and talks the whole time

"Oh come out Darling....you must be curious what ill do when i find you~?"

if you manage to hide long enough he might even be impressed and reward you.

But when he does find you. Oh boy.

Hell spot you from your hiding place and nearly pounce on you. Pinning you down and growling into your ear that he found you.

Takes little time to strip you down and thrust into you. Making you scream his name.

Good thing he cleared the castle right?

Taking care of a Broken Bone SFW

Loki

At first loki dosent take it super serious.

Hes a god after all. Broken bones arent really a thing hes ever had to worry about in his life time.

"Broken? So fix it????"

Once you explain to him though he might try to be a little more understanding.

He s....not the best at caretaking, hes usually the one being pampered. But for you he would make an exception especially when he would see how much pain your in

Hed help you do basic tasks like baths and eating. Hed also do errands for you if you needed anything

All around his main goal though would be trying to keep your spirits up.

Always making jokes and trying to make you smile.

He does his best

Darkiplier

Dark on the other hand is actually quiet good with taking care of you.

His bones constantly give him trouble so hearing you had a broken one he takes it very seriously.

He'd take you to Dr. iplier straight away. Making sure to keep an eye on everything and give you the best care.

Once your home he'd be sure to take a break from work to focus on taking care of you.

Water? Food? Something oddly specific? Anything for his little darling.

He'd be extra gentle with you. Even his voice would be soft.

When you would need a bath he'd be right there, helping you clean and wash your hair. Whispering how proud he is of you for handling everything.

Not to mention he'd hold you close every night, being careful of your injury and keeping you safe

#old writing

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many-gay-magpies · 4 years

Text

Smh i should really stop talking to my mom about anxiety/mental stuff because every time it only makes me feel worse

I love my mom a lot but like . sometimes there are just things that get on my nerves even though i love her. I kinda feel bad because like she tries so hard to understand and says she understands and I know she DOES to a degree so I feel bad for lowkey thinking like the whiny teenager all like "yOu DoN't UnDeRsTaNd Me" sometimes, y'know? Like the bottom line is our brains just work really really differently a lot of the time and she either wants to believe or genuinely believes that they dont

Every time I talk to her about my (non-clinical, probably) anxiety and what caused it (this girl bullying me for six years) she goes on to mention all the ways she was bullied as a kid and all the terrible shit she's gone through to say in the end "so I understand" when like all of that shit is way different from my experience so every time she says it inside I'm just like "yes but actually no"

Like, today i was talking about my bully to her and how I've started realizing that all my responses now are responses i was forced to give as a kid because of the situation i was in with my bully, and she went in depth and told me (all stuff she had already told me about before and also when i had been talking about my anxiety stuffs before) about how her mom forced her to sleep in curlers so she would have banana curls and made her wear dresses and how she got mugged really bad when she was older and all this stuff that is very valid trauma and sucks ass and i thank her for trying to understand me but at the same time all the shit that happened to her was surface level. Neither of us could control what was happening to us, because her mom made her dress like that and I couldn't just make this girl suddenly not have issues, but like a dress is still something you can change??? Take off??? Like it isnt attatched to you as a person. I cant change the fact that i exist, which this girl bullying me apparently hated me for. To her my existence was just like "oh i must hurt this person" not because of what i wore, what i looked like, etc etc.

She also kept subtly bringing up the fact that i had never been PHYSICALLY hurt by my bully and implying that because she HAD her pain was worse and i could have had it worse if my bully physically hurt me and ACTED on the threats to hurt me (which my mom's bullies did) and while yes that was true . My bully didn't threaten to physically hurt me at all so there were no threats TO act on she just talked to me like i was shit all the time and beat my self esteem about my personality into a meaningless pulp . I kind of wanted to scream in my moms face "YOUR PAIN WAS MOSTLY PHYSICAL WHILE MINE WAS EMOTIONAL, BOTH ARE VALID AND DIFFERENT" but i know she does know that-- but maybe it would have gotten the point across idk

I wish so badly that i could just tell my mom "I dont want/need you to understand, i just need you to be here" and like i could but . I'm not there yet

(Warning ahead, I'm sorry if this gets really long but like I wanna get it off my chest before i go to sleep bcs i feel like ill sleep better if i do)

Another thing that annoys me is that??? Every time??? I say something??? Or tell her how I'm feeling at the moment??? She just asks me??? "Why?"??? And yes its good to talk about stuff but I'm trying to explain to you in a polite way why i want to leave the conversation and that its making me uncomfortable and i just want to go to bed and you just go "but why are you uncomfortable?" Or like if i tell her I'm upset and i want to stop talking about it she goes "why are you upset? I dont want you to be upset" and I'm just. I literally just said i dont want to talk about this anymore can i please leave you cant control that I'm upset about this because continuing talking to you is just going to make me more upset because no matter what way i try to explain it i cant get my points across right to you and i dont want to say you dont understand bcs thats immature but you kind of dont understand

I want to tell her "This conversation isnt having the outcome i wanted it to have and i want to leave it before it makes me more upset so that i can go think on it for later" but I'm sure if i do. that shed just go "but WHY arent you happy with the conversation tell me so i can fix it" and if i tell her blatantly what is making me unhappy (the fact that she keeps saying she understands and pouring stories of her traumas onto me to "prove" that she understands) then she's going to guilt trip me when were talking in the future by emphasizing the fact that i dont like when she talks a certain way and be all like "oh i wont tell you about my OWN experiences though because you said you don't LIKE when I DO that" and i just hhhhhh

Like every time i tell her she doesnt understand and try to explain it in a way that she WILL and it'll finally click it just. Doesn't and it makes me feel so defeated because every time i do that she just circles back around to "well i experienced all these types of trauma so i totally understand" and i appreciate the effort but that just isnt the kind of support i needed to make me feel content

And also when i was talking to her tonight i told her about a specific instance that happened in like 1rst or 4th grade where I was crying because the girl bullying me was just in one of those. Bad Moods™ where like she hated me for existing and talked to me like i was a piece of trash she had stepped in or smth and then she and a couple other kids asked me WHY I WAS CRYING and I didn't want to tell her "hey I'm crying because you keep hurting me and i dont want you to" because if i said that she would just hurt me MORE so i made up a lie on the spot and said that my parents had a small argument (I'm a sensitive kid and will cry at the barest hint of conflict between my parents so it checked out) and i was crying because of it and . Out of that ENTIRE STORY the one thing my mom zeroed in on was the fact that i told a lie that "painted my parents in a bad light"

Just. Like. Yeah. It did. But I wasn't even thinking about that at the moment?? Like it didn't even cross my mind??? The only thing i was thinking about was that i was scared and in danger and i probably would have said anything to get OUT of that danger (as fake or ill-perceived it might have been). But no, even later on after i had explained that in basically those exact words she still went back around to say "oh if it was bad enough that you told a lie about your parents to get out of it then she REALLY fucked you up"

Which??? By the way??? Is a whole other reason why i try not to talk to my mom about this shit??? Because every time i open up about it and want to have a conversation in a more logical/organized/"well here's the situation and here's what we can do about it" kind of way she always turns it around and says stuff like "damn [REDACTED] really fucked you up didn't she" and "I didn't know it was that bad"/"I didn't know it effected you that bad, you should have said something!" which. Makes me Feel Bad™, for some reason way more than my dad excitedly talking about reptile and monkey brains and how stuff that happened to us in the past is engrained into our brain and still effects us now, like instinct

She also always turns all of my stuff talking about emotions into "oh you're just a teenager" "you're pms'ing" "you'll grow out of it later"

Like one time i told her that her mind was always in the past or the future, always worrying about the past or the future, never in the present, in response to her worrying a bunch about something and how i had my mind in the present more often and her response was something along the lines of "well you're like that because you're young and a teenager, you CAN stay thinking in the present because you dont have all that stuff to worry about like an adult does, I'm an adult and i work a bunch so i constantly have stuff to worry about" and like. Yeah theres some solidity to that. But also i literally talked about that exact thing with my dad and HE said her brain was always in the past/future and never the present so I'm pretty sure its not just a teen vs adult thing

And then towards the end of this whole thing when i had finally managed to tell her "hey I'm uncomfortable in this conversation can i please leave and go to bed" and even further explained that it was because i went into this wanting to have a more casual/logic-based talk rather than an emotional discussion and . she's kind of of the mind that "why did you bring it up if you didn't want to have a deep emotional discussion about it" and I'm just HHHNNNNGGGG but also i actually DIDNT mention it, first i was mentioning how id been having sensory overload lately and how certain sounds of words hurt and then she said i should have a doctor check that out and then i said "I've been reading up on anxiety and sensory overload is a part of that so i figured that's just what it was" (bcs my dad gets sensory overload a lot too) which then ensued a ten-minute conversation about how i probably dont have clinical anxiety because mine isnt as bad as/like all the many, many people my mom has known who DO have it (throughout which i kept trying to tell her "just social anxiety exists too tho" to which she would respond "yea but u dont have these symptoms of general anxiety so i dont think u have it" and while i hope and think i dont i was just like HHHHHHH because i mean social anxiety and by social anxiety I DO NOT MEAN GENERAL ANXIETY YOU CAN HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY WITHOUT HAVING GENERAL at least i think idk i might be wrong) which i ended by saying "i probably dont have clinical anxiety but i do believe my brain has been wired to react to certain situations based on how i had to react to those situations for six years" which then lead to me talking more about my bully and my mom pretty much siphoning as much emotional vulnerability and opening up out of me as she could

And then at the end i told her "can i please leave i kind of feel like crying and i dont want to do it in front of a person at the moment" (because I haven't cried in a few months and i feel like I'm in need of a good cry tbh which in itself is something she doesnt really understand) which lead her to go "why do you feel like crying now I'm worried for you" and HHHHHHEBDJBEHNDEJHBDNEHDBEH yeah--

There's probably more i could say but I'm not going to, because its almost 1 am and while i had actually been about to sleep early at like ten she ended up roping me into an hour or two long talk about emotions, which is. Fun. And i have to get up in six hours so I'm going to go to bed. Sorry if this was a mess which I'm sure it is, i really just needed to get this out there lol

Also when i went to my dad after this to say goodnight (i actually like talking to my dad abt this stuff a lot since his brain and mine are just really similar) he gave me this lil smile and just said "deep breaths" and that made me feel better

#magpie thoughts #and at the end she started doing that thing where she acts silly to try and make me happy and not feel like crying which is a good sentiment #but like i WANTED to cry tonight and now im not in the mood anymore #magpie rants

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hey-hamlet · 5 years

Text

BNHA AU Ideas: Don’t Praise the Almighty (Part 1)

Also on AO3

hold on to your hats everyone - this is part one. i was going to put them together, then i realised part two is 6000 words and thats just too long

TW for: implied abuse of all kinds, straight-up physical and emotional child abuse, gaslighting, all might if he was a terrible person.

TL;DR:

Things you must sacrifice to make a hero: Humanity, Empathy.

Things you must sacrifice to be a hero: Everything.

izuku wants to be a hero, imagine the first ep happens etc. yagi doesnt so much say "you can be a hero" as "ill make you a hero"

an aside: inko is an absent parent, to make ends meet and a poor way of coping with a missing Hisashi. Izuku grows up without any positive adults figures in his life.

yagi makes izuku train and train and train, the kid’s hands bleed and his legs ache but allmight makes him keep going. allmight says he's useless and pathetic and a crybaby and izuku believes him, because he's allmight

they spar and yagi just holds back enough to not let izuku get hurt too badly to train. even katsuki is disturbed bc quirkless deku is coming to school with black eyes and swollen wrists

when katsuki calls him pathetic izuku just nods

"ill get better though"

and katsuki feels so gross he doesnt try to fuck with izuku for weeks

and so izuku is so convinced this is normal because katsuki does it, and mum does it, and now allmight? thats just how you treat kids he thinks. or quirkless ones at least

hes still a big fan of allmight because he doesnt see whats wrong. hes just pathetic and useless but then he'll get a quirk and he'll be worth something for the first time in his life

he barely sleeps, barely eats, just trains and studies and trains some more. he collapses. all might stands there until izuku gets back up and makes him keep running

reasons all mights like this

he is 1, suffering from internalised quirk discrimination

2, nana's dead bc she wasn't "strong enough"

3, he thinks he can shape izuku into the perfect selfless hero, and better person than he ever was.

hes convinced this is for the greater good. hes a dick but hes so sure hes in the right here

by the time of the entrance exam izuku is,,, kinda fucked up

he passes with flying colours because he used his quirk for the first time, broke his arm, and immediately moved on to snaping finger after finger. the teachers watched on, horrified as this child mutilated himself to get points

all might smiled. because this is what he wanted.

he saves ochacco too

he gets in and allmight is pleased with him, even more pleased than the time izuku admitted he hadn't slept for 72 hours and still got a perfect score on his test

and izuku thinks this was all worth it to see his hero smile at him

izuku is in 1A

izuku actually listed that he feels less pain due to his quirk, which aizawa believes but hes still not sold on the idea of a hero that destroys themselves. he doesnt know if izuku heals better or faster, but he's sure that may broken bones cant be good

aizawa is convinced he's going to expel izuku during the quirk test. the look he sees on izuku’s face when he says he's expelling the lowest scorer makes his stomach churn

because all of the other kids look worried, nervous

izuku looks like hes going to throw up.

the kid is trembling and pale and aizawa watches as he turns to ochako, smiles brightly and says "let's do our best" while he holds back full body tremors the other kids don't see

he breaks toes and fingers and he cries but he doesn't flinch at the pain

the only time he flinches is when someone looks him in the eyes, if someone speaks too loud, and at the firecracker pops of katsuki's quirk

and aizawa feels sick

the ball toss, he just can't watch this kid break anymore, and he stops his quirk

for a second he freezes, because this kids quirk manages pain, he'll be feeling all of those broken bones, he'll obviously notice

right?

but izuku doesnt notice his missing quirk until he throws the ball. he turns around, looking sick. aizawa feels so lost when he looks at him with pure relief

"oh, you're eraserhead"

izuku tears up for the first time in that class.

"please give me back my quirk"

aizawa feels so lost he blinks, and his quirk drops with it. there is something totally wrong about the utter relief the kid feels having this horrifically damaging quirk back, and there is something bothering aizawa about it, but he doesn't know what

"dont use your quirk for the rest of this test, kid. not unless you can use it without breaking something"

izuku nods but aizawa knows the kid will just try to hide it. he takes him by the shoulder when the others have moved on

"i mean it, midoriya. no quirk, or i'll expell you on the spot"

and izuku just looks so lost

"but, i have to? i'm-"

"you didn't flinch when i took your quirk. you can feel every broken bone, can't you?"

izuku just nods, like walking with broken toes is normal, like throwing a ball with broken fingers is easy. aizawa knows it's not

he just sighs.

"no quirk. we'll work on training it after. you're ahead enough not to fail the course, go to recovery girl now. you aren't expelled"

izuku just looks hurt

aizawa shoos him away and almost misses the thin form of all might slink out from behind the wall to follow izuku

he's worried, and confused. But he can't just, abandon a field of kids

he texts hizashi bc that's just who he texts when he's panicking, and he asks him to look out for smallmight and izuku, somewhere on the way to the infirmary. so present mic turns on the first movie he finds on his computer (an english language copy of rocky) yells "ENGLISH PRACTISE TIME" and runs out the door

1C is so lost

anyway, present mic can be quiet when he tries and when he hears the sound of allmight sternly talking to a student that's crying? he tries real fucking hard

he basically catches

"you're supposed to be stronger than this, why did he make you stop?"

"he saw my bones breaking-i couldnt-"

"and so you flinched? didn't we train?"

"i didnt flinch! he made me stop!"

allmight backhands him

"dont waste it. either get better at hiding it or learn to use your quirk without breaking bones quickly or ill find another successor. one that isn't useless."

present mic hears izuku agree and cry and he feels ill. he sneaks back a little further, then loudly walks down the hall. allmight smiles at him, and he wants to punch the man

izuku smiles at him too, tears in his eyes but like he's happy to see another hero. present mic cant understand why izuku is pressed so close to a man that hurt him, like he's more afraid of present mic than allmight

he walks with them to recovery girl, chatting like he was meant to be there. hes so grateful allmight is new, because he totally has a class he's meant to be teaching right now and that would be so suspicious if he knew his schedule

he walks them all the way to the door, and he lingers. there is a touch of steel in his eyes when he tells allmight to take care because what he really means is "take care of yourself because i will not"

and hes halfway down the corridor before he freezes

why did izuku seem so comfortable with a man he shouldn't know

anyway present mic is having a quiet breakdown for 20 seconds before he sprints back to his class, pretends he never left, and panic texts aizawa

so aizawa, with a little great context, knows that that, particular, conversation wasn't as,,, unsavoury,,, as it could,,, be implied,,,

but like,,,,,, he's really lost on why izuku would know small might and he's very worried

bakugo is fuCKinG PisSed

izuku left?? and he wasn't expelled???

Any,,, unsavoury implications arent something I'm going to talk ab in this au bc it doesn't need to be worse,,, but it's very much intentional

so aizawa is having an actual moral crisis rn bc hizashi isn't a liar and he doesn't want to like, not believe when he saw. but really? the symbol of peace is terrible??? and hizashi doesn't want to believe it either. both of them as so sure they are just missing context or something

bakugo stalks up to recovery girls office after class bc wtf deku?? and he walks in to just see izuku blankly picking at new white scars

he actually perks up when katsuki enters

and there is this man standing over izuku. this man he's seen with izuku before, yelling at him, but someone izuku seems happy to be around. it's not deku’s dad, he knows that. and the guy is too blonde and tall to have literally any relation to him.

a lot of the fire in katsuki goes out when he sees how tired izuku looks, and the question he was going to yell becomes more of a mumble

"so, you have a quirk now? just like that?"

he looks up and he sees that man's hand on izuku's shoulder, curled like a claw, so tight it must hurt. but izuku doesn't flinch or shy away, he smiles softly

"i'm really lucky, huh kacchan?"

and as much as izuku looks like he believes it, katsuki has the strongest feeling that this is the worst possible thing that could have happened to his once-friend

he just leaves

and he almost runs straight into his new teacher. they lock eyes and even though katsuki doesn't know whats going on, aizawa doesn't know whats going on, they both just know something is happening

and its not good

but what can they do

hes the symbol of peace

recovery girl is 100% in denial bc she new baby toshi and he's a dork but he's a good boy

izuku gets knocked tf out by recovery girls heal and toshi carries him out of the school grounds and shes like "how cute"

honestly they get to they gate, he wakes izuku up and reminds him to run home to get in the extra cardio, and izuku does. all the way home.. not only bc yagi wanted him to, but that's a big bit but bc if he was late hed wouldn’t get dinner

so the battle trial

so aizawa is like,,, : | ab everything

so he attends the battle trial rather than take the nap he really fucking wanted

the kids come out in their costumes and something sits poorly about the way izuku positively preens at almighty compliments. so basically it goes like the show, but allmight doesnt try to stop Bakugo. aizawa doesn't have audio, but he sees what the kids see and rips the mic out of allmights hand to tell bakugo to stop

he doesnt have to, though

because izuku has already vanished from sight

bakugo looks lost, aizawa is worried, but allmight just looks smug because a second later, izuku drops from the ceiling where he swung up, and punches bakugo in the back of the head

allmight grins and it looks nasty

izuku gives bakugo a once-over to make sure hes ok, wraps his wrists, then puts him in the recovery position and scampers out of the room to ochako

aizawa is lost, because that is c l e a r l y combat training. from the back of the room, todoroki starts watching in earnest

with ochako, he grabs the bomb. they walk out of the exercise and all might congratulates them on winning and izuku looks so happy! but allmight isn't done

"young midoriya, why didn't you use your quirk?"

the only people that notice the way he pales are todoroki and aizawa

"sorry sir, i didn't want to disappoint mr aizawa"

allmight nods, and he smiles but aizawa doesnt like it

"thats ok my boy, we'll have to see about getting you some out of class quirk training, huh?"

izuku smiles. hes happy, but he looks panicked

he looks guilty about being afraid

aizawa silently tells his agency he needs the week off to investigate something personal, and they readily give him the time off

izuku mumbles happily to himself about the exercise, stilling when all might looks gazes with him. he stops, flushes, and apologises. allmight nods.

he begins again, but hes not mumbling anymore, hes speaking clearly and concisely with the other students, even though he doesnt want to talk to them, he just wants to think. but allmight says to talk clearly to everyone or to remain silent and he just wants so badly to talk about the exercise

todoroki looks between izuku and allmight and he wonders

USJ time baby

allmight uses up his time, like before

the difference is, when the nomu comes for aizawa? izuku doesnt hesitate to jump in. thats what allmight wanted. he wanted someone so selfless that "would i give my life for them" isn't even a question that would cross their mind, they would just move

izuku stalls. he's shivering and shaking, walking on broken toes but he stands between aizawa and the nomu and he smiles

shigiraki looks at izuku and doesn't see a hero in training. he sees someone like him, like his league. someone who has be stepped on and ruined and reborn

and he wants him

when he sees something he likes, he wants it. like his sensei and his quirks. shigiaki collects people like action figures to use how he likes

anyway, he sees this little 'hero' and for all his stubbornness he knows he won't get izuku today

so he does what his sensei did to him all those years ago

he shows kindness. just enough to break him

he looks izuku in the eyes and says

"hero society is so rotten they break children into weapons to fight other broken pieces. whats fair about that?"

and izuku looks stunned. he drops his smile.

"from one broken piece to another, i wont shatter you today."

kurogiri moves izuku and aizawa just outside of the usj

they cant get in, aizawa has no quirk to break through the walls and izuku is shell shocked

he takes a second to look at aizawa like his world is falling down and aizawa understands.

and then

allmight appears

and aizawa hates himself for how relieved he feels

allmight looks at izuku and izuku smiles so wide. and then he frowns

"they want to kill you"

"they aren't the first, my boy."

and izuku pauses

"they seem pretty sure they can, sir."

and allmights smile looks meaner

"what, you really think so little of this old man?"

and izuku shakes his head violently

"not at all! no, im sorry-"

allmight looks at his student and suddenly there isnt a wall anymore, blasted into tiny shards by allmight’s punch. izuku scrambles inside after him

aizawa tells him to stay outside, to stay safe. but allmight levels a glare at him that almost hurts to meet. aizawa cringes and rushes after them, cradling broken arms

the fight ends much the same, but upon seeing izuku in the way on his hand, shigiraki closes his fist

allmight doesn't miss that

and, with that the other teachers arrive. and again, present mic and aizawa wonder why izuku knows allmight small form

oh also just as a weird powerplay thing, allmight calls izuku by his first name in private while izuku calls him sir everywhere

aizawa has the worst of the injuries, but years of sleep deprivation mean he can pretty easily resist the call of sleep after recovery girls quirk. not that anyone knows that. so he hears the edges of a conversation between hero and student

he hears sobs and a slap and apologies from both parties. he hears a louder conversation on training after class to better use izuku’s quirk and aizawa decides he's going to force himself into this 'training' because he doesnt like the optics on any of this

allmights angry that the villains were fond of izuku, bc that means izuku was doing something wrong, right? and he's also angry izuku barely used his quirk, but he does kinda understand needing to be able to walk still

anyway in the training we get the joy of a creepy scene of yagi assessing the physique of a barely dressed izuku

aizawa isn't there yet and boy howdy does he feel ill when yagi walks out of the changing rooms a few minutes before izuku does

anyway so it doesn't take long for yagi and aizawa to get izuku using his quirk w/o achy breaky bones and izuku is proud, and so is aizawa

but yagi just kinda pipes in with "about time" and izukus face crumples

aizawa just says "better late than never" and izuku gives a watery smile

yagi scares enji but he just royally pisses off todoroki

bc todoroki just looks at the guy

"big strong me, what you gonna do, punch me? yeah right bastard and i'll go screaming to the press. I dont give a fuck what you think you dick of an old man!"

please izuku is totally convinced that this is just normal training, that yagi is doing his best and a teacher, is doing right by him. and shouto is just,,, he doesnt know the whole story. just knows that all might scares izuku and that all mights secretary has a connection to him

but he knows that yagi was creepy enough to make his old man have bad vibes and thats an achievement

Enji sat, reigning back a snarl as the green boy threw Shouto -his Shouto- from the ring, to land on his back in a graceless cloud of dust. Beside him, All Might’s secretary grinned. It wasn’t a nice grin, like the hero, but a nasty crawling one that made Enji feel cold even with his flames dancing around his face.

Enji had never liked the man, his instincts telling him there was something horrifically off about him. But the number one hero had resources he couldn’t dream of, so he kept his lips shut.

“Well done, my boy.”

There was no familial resemblance between the skeletal man beside him, and the boy who stood both victorious and broken where his son should have been. No resemblance to the hulking oaf of a hero either. But their quirks were markedly similar, as were their smiles, if the boy’s was a little kinder.

The man turned to him, all polite smiles and condolences for his son’s loss.

The smug aura around him so strong that Enji allowed himself, for just a second, to pity the boy in green.

Its just tenya and todoroki who know

and quickly bakugo too, bc he was there for shoutos tragic backstory reveal, which included izukus too

and like,,, mic and aizawa are in denial bc jesus christ its the number one hero and hes normally so nice

izuku v katsuki babey!

basically izuku starts to panic and bakugo stops the fight and grabs his hand

"pull yourself together deku. forget everyone else, this is just a fight between me and you, go it?"

and izuku gives a shakey smile, and nods. bakugo releases his hand

"lets start this again, huh izuku"

"sure thing kacc-. Katsuki"

and then fiGHT and its great and its a tie bc they are both so fucking exhausted. izuku and bakguo have to get hauled to their feet by midnight, but both of them are grinning

izuku has trouble w his hero name, like, a l o t bc everything he comes up with yagi says no

but yagi wont give him any ideas eventually izuku just ends up with his hero name being "nine" bc yagi liked that one

katsuki can just,,, tell izuku doesn't like it (bc it reduces him as a hero down to his quirk)

(he wants the name jackrabbit)

he has no supports in his costume bc "it makes you look weak" and no support gear either

ok so , his bones are less fucked than canon zuku but hes willing to break them fucking constantly

aizawa actually comes up to him before the sports festival and says "you break your bones, you get disqualified. no excuses"

yagi is p i s s e d but just nods politely to aizawa tells izuku hed better do as aizawa says, as stupid as a request it may be

also izuku really,, wants to paint his nails dumb glittery colours like ochako and mina do so they paint his nails for him! and then at lunch yagi scrubs the polish off with a dish scrubber

to make it worse, mina is sad izuku took it off, but she just

pauses

when she sees his fingers are almost bleeding

"midoriya, what happened?"

"oh haha funny thing, one of our teachers said i might get a uniform violation so i got a little enthusastic with scrubbing it off, sorry!"

aizawa just winces

one of the finals nails in the coffin is todoroki asking if "the tall thin blonde guy" is izukus dad

aizawa says no

todoroki says "good"

s t a i n a r c

so izuku finds iida and steps between iida and stain, starts fighting him, todoroki shows up, stain starts rambling about how allmight is the best hero and todoroki gives him a strange look

"i used to agree. but seeing allmight at school, i dont think hes the icon of morality everyone says"

izuku is spluttering, denying it, stain is just watching them. so stain isnt even fighting them, hes interested. bc this selfless kid is the one shigiraki wants

iida is lost too and he gets this,,, look in his eyes like he's starting to connect some dots

anyway, fight proceeds, they win the nomu tries to carry izuku off, stain stops the nomu and saves izuku and vaguely he realizes the way izuku just, sits in his arms, like he doesnt know how to react to being touched, and he pushes it aside

and he holds izuku close because all he knows is that this boy is kind and good and the world has hurt him and he says that this boy he is holding is the only hero hes ever worth met their salt

oh but after the hero killer thing, yagi storms into the office and hauls izuku out by his injured arm

and tenya and shouto just feel sick

"should, should we tell all might? about how his secretary treats midoriya?"

shouto just glares at the half-open door, quiet apologies drifting down the hall until they turn another corner

"i'm quite sure that man already knows."

#bnha au #bnha #dont praise the all mighty #all might #midoriya izuku #yagi toshinori #villain all might #Midoriya #Izuku #aizawa shouta #yamada hizashi #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #uraraka ochako #Iida Tenya #hero killer stain #shigaraki tomura

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ruffiorocks · 5 years

Text

unpopular opinion (long post)

This might be unpopular but its irking me a little bit, im actually completely OK with Lena punching Kara in the face.

Its not so much that Kara kept her identity a secret, that on its own doesn't warrant a smack or a punch (if they had been dating then it absolutely would) because that’s beyond disturbing behaviors,

No for me its, as i’ve mentioned before the way that Kara treated her as Supergirl, especially in season 3.

Now yes Kara has been lovely to Lena as Supergirl, the same as Lena has to her. they have actively saved each others arses on more than on occasion.

BUT season 3 and 4 gave us a look at what Kara can be like when she feels her authority is being questioned. Kara was instantly p**sed at Lena for daring to keep Reign a secret, no regard for WHY just accusations. Honestly why Kara was there while they interrogated Lena is beyond me, she doesn't actually have a DEO rank? But whatever. She instantly got p**sed that Lena had some leftover kryptonite (we know she made it) and immediately took it as threat, even though Lena IS her best friend. What irked me the most about season 3 was that Kara didn't really give a lot of thought to Sam, in her beef with Lena it was always Kara, Kara, Kara. The fact that Lena did all of this FOR SAM to protect her went completely over Kara’s head.

Kara also got p**sed that Lena dared to have tech that she didnt know of or approve of. Lena literally told Kara that the force field on Reign’s cell prevented Kryptonian’s looking through it, so what was the first thing Kara does? Why she tries to look through it and gets p*ssed that it caused a bit of pain. She instantly rounded on Lena and saw something SHE personally could nosy through as a threat. I mean Lena could literally just have used this so she wouldn't be spied on in the shower by passing Kryptonian’s. Just because Kara does have X Ray vision doesn't mean shes entitled to be able to see everythong (*cough* Batgirl *cough*) This scene was basically like telling someone not to put their hand in the fire because it will burn, only for them to instantly do it and then get upset with you for built the fire in the first place.

I was beyond happy that Lena brought Kara down a peg or two, ive said it before but Kara is rarely seriously questioned by anyone and it seems to have gone to her head. Kara’s authority is mostly what shes bestowed on herself, much like Superman.

But anyway, Kara seems to have realized she’s been a colossal ass and jumped to conclusions, because she has a really awkward exchange with Lena and says she hopes it wont ruin their friendship. See my issue here is that Kara thinks she can attack Lena but because she has had a change of heart its still all good? yeah... no. Lena tells her what for again, poor love tells her she has friends that trust her, not knowing the very woman she is referring to is the same woman shes talking to.

Kara then gets pissed that Lena gives Kara whats ‘left’ of the kryptonite. I mean you were upset she had it and now you’re upset shes giving it to you? Once again the fact that this could help her fight Reign and save Sam when she and the others have spectacularly failed goes over her head and she attacks Lena again, who quite rightly tells Kara that lots of things in the world could hurt her but she goes on with life and doesn't whine about. Kara seems to think that NOTHING on Earth should ever be allowed to exist that could hurt her or any other Kryptonian completely forgetting recent Kryptonian attacks, one of which she did herself oh and the current one. This is pretty God like behavior. She also doesnt have issues with DEO having weapons that can hurt other aliens, as long as it isn't her. Kara even pulls the ‘Luthor’ card on Lena. Note through all this its always Kara who has the issue with Lena, Lena has no issues with Supergirl until she attacks her.

Kara thinks she has the authority to tell Lena she isnt coming to the dark valley to try and save her friend Sam, i mean why is Kara calling the shots here? She does redeem herself a bit when she tells Reign to take her instead of Lena, but honestly? Kara would have done that for literally anyone, this isn't because its Lena.

Lena even returns to the DEO the moment Kara is in danger of dying. Lena has pre-made suit that even has the House of El crest on it!

Remember also, that even after the interrogation, Alex asked Lena to just tell her why she didnt let on about Sam and Alex was absolutely OK with Lena’s explanation and didnt harp on about it, this is Alex Danvers whose life is dedicated to protecting Kara’s.

Kara then did the ONE thing that i thought was so below the belt. She meddled in Lena's relationship and put it at risk. She quite literally went to Lena's boyfriend, a man who not long ago wasn't going to give her the time of day and wanted her in prison no matter what and Lena had to learn to trust, and Kara asked him of all people to betray Lena’s trust. Kara could have asked any DEO agent, but no, apparently James, the one person she SHOULDNT have asked to betray Lena was the only one who would do it? Im sorry Kara you dont do that under any circumstances. Kara is dumb anyway because she trusts James! He literally breaks into L Corp, then he lies to Kara and then drops her in it with Lena? There was NO reason for him to do that, he just wanted the best of both worlds.

Kara gets pissed that Lena dared to make Harun El for anyone other than the mighty Kryptonian’s that have decreed that this substance they dont understand, arent even close to understanding and has the power to keep civilizations alive is NOT allowed to be used for the benefit of humans, but a human is allowed to make it for the benefit of Kryptonians and only kryptonians, Yeah, Argo would be a floating city of dead people if it wasn't for Lena managing to figure something out in about a week that the entire race of advanced scientists o Argo weren't even close to doing. The fact is Kara jumps down her throat again, but this time its Alex that comes to Lena’s defence.

The problem when it comes down to it, is that Kara is too quick to assume the worst in Lena, when she used to be the exact opposite. This is shoddy writing and OOC but unfortunately its what happened. Kara thinks she has authority over all things and the fact is she just doesnt.

Getting James to betray Lena was the worst one for me, and the one that warrants a smack or in this case a punch in the face. If my best friend asked my significant other to betray my trust because she decided she couldn't trust me oh and then acted like she had nothing to do with it while i vented i would think about punching her and if it was the other way round she would probably think the same, and she would justified because that isnt friendship.

Kara was Jekell and Hyde with Lena, she even looked her nose down at her in season 2 when she and Superman landed on L Corp’s balcony to talk to Lena and Lillian, the look Kara gave Lena has stuck with me because it was so superior, like because she was now standing with Superman she had more authority? Was she trying to measure up?

Then there’s the fact that Kara has no issue letting Lena think her ass is in danger, or letting her think shes been blown up!

Kara knows the amount of betrayals Lena has faced, but she just kept on going and it was wrong. If she had no intention of telling Lena and letting her be the only one in her new found family that apparently wasn't trusted enough then she should never have gotten so involved with Lena in the first place.

Kara ignored Lena after Mon El left, then only came to her when she needed her help, essentially her money and her influence. Then once shed asked for it she fobbed off Lena’s attempt to reach out to her. Lena actually does use her power and her own money to save Cat Co and Kara is just like ‘oh ok, but i quit’. It was using Lena and it was harsh, even if Kara did say she would go back. Then you have Kara’s blatant disregard for Lena as a boss.

The fact is Kara picks and chooses her attitude to Lena, she should pick ONE not have multiple personalities, choosing to support her on minute, ignore her the next or accuse her of misdeeds in another.

Now think about what Lena is thinking? Kara lied about who she is, Lena is going to know a Super came to investigate her the moment she arrived in National City, this same super integrated herself into Lena's life and they got close, but Lena is probably wondering why that was now? If Lena had befriended Kara knowing she is Supergirl you know it would have been instantly treated as suspicious. Kara treated her like she was bad even after Lena helped save her and the world several times. Kara used the relationships Lena built against her. Kara acted like she had dull authority over her, she let her think her life was in danger or she was dead more than once. Yeah id be pretty p**sed to.Lena may even wonder why Kara pushed her to date James of all people, someone who wasnt a fan of hers, but then suddenly was? Oh was that so he could stay close to Lena and be used against her? To spy o her? Lena ‘s feeling arent something Kara can just play with depending on how the mood hits her, actions have consequences and treating people like this isnt cool.

Its a lot for Lena to process, and its not like she can ask kara about it, even when Kara knows Lena knows she cant trust the explanations Kara may give her.

If Oliver punched Barry the fans would just be like ‘ahh man! They’ll make it up’

Batman and Superman fight, ‘ahh man! They’ll make up’.

But Lena punches Kara? ‘Oh my God abuse!!’

i dont think Lena is punching Kara because of the secret itself, shes probably punching her because of all the s**t that came along with it.

(if you dont agree fine, but dont send hate)

#supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #anti james olsen #anti guardiancorp #supercorp

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