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sp00kworm · 4 years

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A Den of Iniquity (Part 5)

Pairing: Dracula/Count Dracula/Vlad Tepes x Female Reader

Warnings: Death, Murder, Blood, Gore, Injuries, Violence, Vomiting and Adult content.

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Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

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Anne’s ability to remain sober was yet to be seen. Dracula felt amusement ripple through him as his shadowed fingers moved along the walls of her basement home once again. She was asleep in front of her sofa, sleeping off the night shift she had just finished. The sun wasn’t up yet this late into the winter, and so, Dracula’s powers were not weakened by the threat of the sunrise. His smoke curled from the shadows, rippling in a wave down the walls, collecting on the floor like a pool of liquid nitrogen, cold and churning. The vampire’s form took shape within the rippling cloud before he reached within to produce the Van Helsing’s family book. The cracked leather back contacted the coffee table with a dull thump and Dracula turned his red eyes on the sleeping form of Anne. She didn’t stir. The vampire opened the book to the front page as he reformed into a human shape, his gloved fingers peeling free a page of her notebook silently. Dracula took her pen from the table and penned out a message in old cursive just to spite the woman’s eyesight.

‘Perhaps we can talk about the mysteries of the darkness once more in the morgue? This evening.’

With a curl to the end of his name, the vampire tucked the note inside the front cover and closed the book carefully, admiring the old cursive of Abraham’s writing as he made sure to place it in front of her. The vampire snatched the whiskey from her hand and replaced the lid before moving to tuck it away in her cabinet once more. He paused as he peered inside at the three other bottles. He looked at the label of the bottle in his hand, contemplative of such a desire to drink, before he replaced it in her cupboard and left in a rush of cold mist, trickling from her window over the small garden and out into the night once more.

Anne woke up with a start. Her neck burned with agony from being laid against her armchair, her head pressed back against the side of the headrest. With a groan, she raised her head and clutched at the back of her neck, trying to rub some blood flow back into the region. The sunlight was harsh against her eyes. She’d forgotten to close the curtains again when she got home. Anne looked at the window, glaring at the sunshine as she untucked herself from the armchair and glanced at the heavy, coffee table in front of her. Her blue eyes widened with disbelief as she gazed at the leather cover of her family’s Vampirology book. It was laid beside her empty whiskey tumbler. In a rush, she grasped the book from the table and cracked open the cover. A piece of paper skittered free, flopping onto the side of the armchair. Anne scowled as she plucked the paper from the armrest. Vladimir. That damn Vampire had been in her home once more. She read the cursive and scoffed before angrily slamming her book down onto the coffee table.

“That fucking vampire.” She ran her fingers through her hair, huffing and puffing to herself as she stormed over to the window and looked though. It was open. She slammed the window shut before balling Dracula’s note into a small ball and throwing it at her desk in the corner of the lounge. With a growl she kicked the armchair before taking a deep breath and picking up the balled-up note and rereading it. On the back there was a carefully written date and time.

It wasn’t like she had much of a choice. The King of Vampires knew where she lived anyway.

The packets of cigarettes weren’t really a good substitute for the drinking, Anne figured out as she stood on top of the hospital roof, by the huge incineration chimneys. The incinerators were not burning, so she was free to smoke up on the roof for a while.

A rush of wind made her shudder before a smooth voice spoke behind her, “It is a beautiful night.” Dracula purred from above her. She pushed away from the wall and took a long drag of her cigarette as she looked up at the vampire who hung from the bar fixings of a satellite on the roof. A creature wrapped in its own wings morphed into the shape of a man, covered in a dark coat. He flopped from the bar yet landed like a predator, gracefully on his feet, his black coat hiding his form, wrapped around him tightly. Anne tapped the end of her cigarette, flicking ash onto the floor as she watched the monster walk across the roof, his heeled shoes silent against the concrete.

“Maybe for beasts like you. I’m fucking cold.” She took another drag of her cigarette and ignored the vampire as he loomed over her, stood inches from her back.

Dracula grinned with fangs, “Those sticks will kill you, hunter.” His voice curled in her ears like a dark promise.

“I’ll be dead with the liver cirrhosis first.” Anne stubbed the end out against the bricks before she dropped the end into the wall mounted ashtray, “What do you want, Dracula? Weren’t we meant to meet in the morgue?”

Anne turned around into his chest and scowled at the closeness, looking up at his human face with distaste. A pale face was framed with dark hair which twisted with a mind of its own. His eyes were human-like, the dark brown almost black as he rubbed at the pointed facial hair on his jaw. The vampire’s hands stretched out between the two of them, and his fingers uncurled to reveal a single glass vial.

“Your blood?” Anne looked at the vial suspiciously, “What do you want me to do with it?”

Dracula’s other hand disappeared behind his own back before Anne gasped. A smoky hand revealed itself, her blade clutched in his hand. The vampire grinned with a hiss, mocking her as he tossed the weapon behind himself.

“Do what you want with it. Try and find a way to kill me. Seek cures for your diseases or simply drink it. I care not.” He hissed at the sight of her crucifix and flicked a finger, watching the silver melt from her neck before he continued, “Consider it a payment in blood for your…help.” He drawled the word before dropping the vial into Anne’s outstretched hand, “May its mysteries unravel swiftly, Doctor.”

She wasn’t fooled. Dracula wasn’t an idiot. He wanted her to have his blood for a reason.

“You’re a creature of lies, Dracula. I’m not an idiot. I know when I am being made fun of.” Anne eyed the blade behind his imposing figure, “You must know, that after six hundred years, there is no return from the damnation of death you have chosen?”

Dracula looked at her, his eyes bleeding to red as the wind whipped at both of them, “The blood is the life.” He offered before he stepped back towards the shadows, his body melting into them as he flashed white fangs, “Perhaps you can find the answers of that life?” He laughed as he disappeared, not a trace of his red eyes or white teeth left in the shadows of the hospital as Anne rushed for her blessed blade.

The vial of blood was cold in her hand and she looked at the label with her glasses perched on the end of her nose. His office number was penned over the sticky note.

The vampire watched the moon as he soared over the London rooftops, contemplating the foolishness of his own actions. Perhaps, he had just handed the key to his demise to a Van Helsing. The last descendant of the line. The last one that could kill him. There was a secret in his own condition. What he was could not be changed, he was too steeped in blood for that, but perhaps he could find the key to saving someone? Death wanted you. It wanted your life, but your soul would be damned, slipping through his fingers to hell if he did not act before the creature sought to take you. To condemn a person to darkness was for them to never be the same. A walking corpse and a shell of a person, filled with the desire to drink, sin and kill. He remembered, vividly, the feeling of your spectre on top of him and wondered if that was the future as he opened his wings and swooped down towards St.Paul’s Cathedral. His claws gripped at the tip of the spire on top of the dome. The night was loud beneath the building, taxis beeping still in the streets below. Humans never did truly rest anymore. Dracula peered at the stars with hellish eyes and watched the clouds roll over them, a cold fog dripping over the buildings around him from the drop in temperature.

Dogs barked as he soared away from the cathedral, his wings spread as he caught the frigid wind and climbed higher over the city, gazing down at the orange streetlamps glittering below. It was a beautiful place, full of life even at a late hour. He compared his previous knowledge about London to its current state and purred at the delightful tastes of the humans scuttling below. People from all walks of life. Thinking of the taste of blood made him hunger for it and the vampire circled slowly towards the night time clubbing scene as he thought on the words of Death. Her death. As he landed, he felt his wings fall back into a coat and looked at the entrance to one of the rock bars. A man was outside in the fresh air of the side alley, looking up at the sky. His arms were covered in gooseflesh as she shivered in the cold of the November air, his vest clearly not the correct choice for the weather. Dracula watched from the streetlamp as he pulled his phone from his pocket and began typing something on it. The vampire walked across the road, his dark eyes flashing as he turned his influence on the man, churning his thoughts with desires he never knew he had until the darkness played with them. The man turned his head and opened his mouth as he looked at the vampire walking towards him.

Dracula peered down at the young man, “Good evening.” Hypnotism clouded the man’s eyes as he reached to brush a finger over his cheek, nail dragging against the skin.

“Your place or mine?” He asked as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.

The vampire pressed him against the alley and covered his eyes before feeling the heaviness of hunger in his gut and the sharpness of his own teeth, “Here is fine.” He muttered as he exposed the man’s neck, holding his legs open so it would appear like a tryst in the alleyway if anyone were to walk past. His gloved hand muffled the scream that escaped the man as he bit into his neck, hard and deep. Blood spurted over his tongue as he lapped at the wounds, sucking harshly before it started to flow by itself, the artery spurting violently from the damage of his teeth. His stomach ached with fullness as he tore himself away and licked at the wounds, looking at the puckered flesh as he cleaned the neck completely clean. Dracula took his scarf from his own neck and wrapped it around the man’s shoulders and neck, hiding the damage as he tucked him close to the alley entrance and slipped into the shadows once more.

“You will remember nothing of this. Go home. Sleep.”

A moment later, the man awoke with a groan, clasping his neck and head in pain before he shivered and pulled the shawl of the scarf tighter around himself, hailing a taxi from the side of the road. The vampire licked blood from his chin as he turned down a side road, the feed not helping to clear his mind any.

“I’ll be home tomorrow morning, Drac. Sue said she’d come in and check in on you early and I filled your bowls.” You looked at your cat and sighed. He was sulking, tucked up on top of the cupboards again out of the way, “Be good!” You tugged his tail and dodged his paw before you picked up your overnight bag and headed towards your door. You locked it and tugged the handle before descending the stairs and heading towards the pavement. There, parked up on the curb, was a slick black car. The tinted glass slid down smoothly, and Vladimir poked his head out of the car, his sunglasses perched on the end of his nose as he smiled at your approach.

“Somehow I’m not surprised by the BMW.” You joked as you looked at him through the window. He was dressed in a heavy turtleneck jumper, his hair tied back with tight jeans ironed to perfection. Vlad open the door of the driver’s seat and shuddered in the cold.

“It was more money than I expected to pay.” He opened the back of the car with a press of a button and huffed, “I think the dealer got most of what I paid.”

“Imagine that being your only concern.” You laughed and rolled your eyes, “It is a gorgeous car.” You complimented as you put your bag in the back and walked around to the passenger seat. Vladimir made no move to open you the door but simply climbed back inside and pushed the stick into gear as you clipped your belt into place.

“Let us go, then. I have a few things for us to do.” He pulled away from your home and shop with a spin of the wheel.

“Does that list include the movies you promised?” You glanced around at the interior of the car.

“But of course!”

His home was as grand as ever, though devoid of any extra staff this time. You looked at the wood to carpet floors and sighed. It was a dream home. You looked at the curtains and rugs and smile at the change from red to purple.

“Did you get new curtains because of me?” You asked as you pulled your coat free and felt your hair. It was raining outside, in a typical November fashion, and you made sure to hang your coat a little closer to the radiator on the stand, so it would dry and not smell too musty from the rainwater.

Vladimir tugged at his jumper and decided it was dry enough to not change before he replied, “I might have changed them. I decided royal purple was more fit for a woman of your stature, madame.” He dipped to take your hand, kissing it like a prince before he laughed joyously and twirled you under his arm.

You were a little overwhelmed with the treatment and blushed at the attention as Vladimir spun you towards the stairs.

“You can put your bag in the guest bedroom.” Vladimir pointed to the top of the stairs and turned his finger to the right, “It is the door to the right of the bathroom. Second door on the right.”

“Oh, thank you.” You smiled and took your bag handles in your hand before climbing the stairs to deposit your things in the guest bedroom.

It smelt of fresh roses. Fresh Tudor roses sat in a vase on the vanity by the window. The soft scent wafted across the fresh bedding and permeated from the curtains that were drawn over the window. It was dark now outside, the winter making the days incredibly short. With another inhale of the fresh smell, you placed your bag on the bed and smiled around at the décor. It was all expensive. Real wood and shined wax surfaces with rich coloured walls. There was even a canopy bed. You pulled the ties from the sheer curtains and watched them fall with a grin. It was a room fit for a princess. You took your toiletry bag from your satchel and walked to the vanity. It was cleaned and lined with intricate glass bottles, made for expensive oil-based perfumes. The toiletries in your bag paled in comparison to how much the Egyptian glass bottles must have cost Vladimir. The stopper was hard to pull out but when it popped free you hummed at the smell of the Myrrh based perfume. You looked at the oil inside and frowned as the liquid dripped up to the edge of the bottle. A drop of oil clung to the corner and you pressed your finger to it before dabbing it against your neck. Another drop followed it. It dripped, floating upwards before dropping back into the bottle as though it had never defied gravity. You took the stopper and tapped it back into the bottle before dabbing the oil on your neck, a dot behind each ear and one on each wrist. It was a heavy smell. A light scent of cinnamon mixed in with cardamom behind a heavy base of Myrrh.

Vladimir was sprawled out on a large sofa in the lounge, his feet up on a stool and his fingers playing with the buttons of his remote control for the television. You smiled as you entered the room, playing with the corner of your top before you sat in the spare seat next to him, tucking your feet under yourself as you looked at the television. He’d been passing the time with dramas, though his phone on the cushions told you he hadn’t been bothered for actually watching what was playing. Vladimir held his arm up off the cushions and curled the fingers of his other hand. For a moment, you were apprehensive, but you were quickly swayed by the idea of a hug, and scooted along the cushions before letting Vladimir tug you close, hugging you to his side as he offered you the television remote.

“Guest’s choice first, my dear.” Vladimir let you take the remote and ran his fingers over your hair before lowering his nose beneath your chin, “Did you use a perfume?” He asked as he tucked cold fingers under your chin, swiping it over your skin before sniffing at the smell on his hands, “Myrrh is expensive. A good choice.”

Embarrassment coloured your skin, “It smelt nice so I…”

“I’m not mad. They are made for using.” Vladimir cooed before he watched you open the various streaming services he had.

“What was it that you wanted to watch?” You asked Vladimir as he pushed your drink across the coffee table and handed you a menu for take-out.

The business owner hummed, “There was a film.” He opened his hand before pointing to the screen as you scrolled over a film, “That one. About…Ah yes. The monster and the woman. Apparently, it won awards, no?” He asked as you clicked open the film for him to see.

“It did win a lot of awards, yeah.” You confirmed as he settled back against the cushions, his arm wrapped around you firmly, holding you against his side as you pressed play, “What do you want to order?” You asked, holding out the menu for him to see, “Chinese?”

“I’m not hungry. I had a business dinner before three o’clock. Order what you want, my dear. I’ll pay for it.” He offered as you hummed, “I have heard that the chow mein from there is good.”

You laughed at his pronunciation but nodded none the less, “I think I’ll get that then.” The menu had the number on the back, and you rang to order before returning your attention back to the movie that Vladimir had requested be put on. It was about a mute woman and her fish god lover. You quickly became entranced, warily pressed up against Vladimir as his hand circled your waist.

The blood pumping against him was a temptation he was now very able to resist. Hundreds of years meant he could control himself. It was a short leash, and he felt the urge to simply feel the crunch of bone and meat under his teeth intensely. His leash grew a little shorter as he ghosted his fingers over your wrist, feeling the thumping of a nervous heart underneath the skin. Dracula’s ear perked at the door and he took the excuse to escape the blood and flesh that felt so divine underneath his fingers. He heard you pause the movie and cursed that you were listening.

“Hi. Chinese delivery.” The driver offered him the bag of food.

The vampire smiled thinly, “Thank you.” He gave the man a twenty-pound note, “Now please take your multi-tool and cut your arm.” The words were carried on a heavy breeze, thick and laced with temptation. The delivery man’s eyes went cloudy, unfocused as he tugged a swiss army knife from his pocket and flicked open the blade. The vampire watched him cut the skin and hissed through his teeth, opening his mouth as the man held his arm higher in the air, letting blood fall from his skin. Dracula shuddered as he opened his mouth to catch the stray drops. He licked the skin with a cold tongue, smearing pink spit in his wake as he sucked fast mouthfuls of blood into his mouth, thankful all the curtains were drawn to hide him.

“Have you got enough money to pay?”

The vampire released the wound and licked the blood from his mouth, his meal settling in his stomach. He licked a drop of blood from the plastic bag handle and wiped at his mouth.

“Have a good evening, sir.” He spun his index finger and watched the delivery driver nod and disappear back towards his car, blood dripping down towards his fingers, “I’ve got enough don’t worry.” He clinked some coins in his pocket and closed the door as the driver pulled out of his drive and onto the street. He grabbed a tissue and wiped his face. There was only a small trickle of blood and he sucked at his teeth before he went to the kitchen to fetch you a plate and cutlery.

Vladimir smiled under your gaze as he entered the lounge again, “I got you a few things. I didn’t know whether you would eat it out of the box?” He placed the plate and cutlery down followed by your food.

“Thank you. You’re sweet.” You cooed at him as he sat back down, “Oh. I think they spilt some sauce on the box.” You grumbled at the splodge of blood on top of the plastic box. He felt his heart sink a little before you simply wiped it away with a curl of your nose. Dracula smiled as you tucked into the food, settled back at his side as you ate quietly. He restarted the movie, feeling relief flood his system as you didn’t question the mysterious red substance.

The beast purred at the idea of the next meal being you. His gripped your thigh gently to ground himself. You were not a meal to be eaten and wasted. He wouldn’t throw you at Death’s feet.

After a movie named ‘The Others’ you both decided it was getting to be late. You looked at the clock and hummed against his side, fingers curling into the black jumper over Vladimir’s chest. It was a fine make, expensive wool soft under your fingers, and you smiled sleepily up at him as he adjusted you, sitting you in his lap, your thighs either side of his own. It was intimate, but you found your heart soaring at the contact and at the idea of where it meant you both were with each other.

“Are you tired, my dear?” He asked softly, his nose pressed to your ear before he leaned down to kiss your shoulder, the smell of Myrrh intoxicating.

“Mmm.” You hummed, fingers playing with the ends of his beautifully wavy hair, the dark, black locks slipping through your fingers like snakes.

“Would you like to rest now?” Vladimir made a pleased noise at the attention to his hair.

Your fingers paused in his locks, “I’d like a shower…If that’s alright?” You asked quietly.

“That is more than fine.” He nodded before letting you stand up, his cool fingers lingering against your hands as you stood, “You know where the bathroom is, yes?”

“First door on the right. I know.”

“I’ll bring you some fresh towels.” He promised as you left the room, closing the door behind you.

The vampire felt his stomach churn with an unknown sensation, the memory of you against him, burned into his skin like a fever.

The water was hot against your skin, soothing the ache in your back from working at the counter the whole day serving tourists. You rubbed at your skin with the minty smelling soap, enjoying the tingle of peppermint over your skin as you washed the lather of soap away. The wet room was slate and sparklingly clean. The glass fogged and you turned in the spray, admiring the chrome shelving and posh soaps and shampoos Vladimir had carefully lined up. A need burned in your stomach, but you ignored the temptation to stir the fire smouldering down there as you turned and swiped at the fog over the glass. Vladimir’s cool hands would make a better job of sating your desires. You were quick to dismiss the idea and turned back into the hot water. That was until the door creaked open behind you.

“I have brought you towels.” Vladimir spoke from the door before pausing, watching your skin disappear as the swiped area of the glass fogged back up, slowly making your form disappear from his view once more, “Forgive me…” He spoke loud enough to just be heard over the harsh spray of water, “But you are beautiful.” Vladimir complimented as he placed the pile of fresh towels on top of the toilet lid

Burning water did not cool your skin as you listened to his voice. You turned under the hot water as you listened to him step closer to the shower screens. You heart thudded in your chest, shaking your hands as you took a step closer to the glass as well.

“You are radiant.” Vladimir purred, “Gorgeous like a goddess. Something to be worshipped.” You looked at the figure beyond the foggy glass and watched him place his hand against the screen.

All of a sudden, you managed to find your voice, “Is that what you say to them all?” The words were half choked in your throat, but Vladimir heard them all the same.

“I have only said those words once before…and she is gone now.” He promised. You could feel the agony in his words and you glanced at the glass before wiping away the condensation to reveal his face, intense eyes looking into your own, despite not being able to see you until a moment ago, “She is dead and no other has ever…filled the hole.” He pressed his forehead to the glass. His dark eyes shimmered with a colour you had never seen before he smiled and turned away from you, “I will leave you. I apologise for being so forward.”

Before he could leave, you opened the shower door and grabbed for a towel, hiding your body from his eyes before he could see you again.

“I…I don’t.” Your mouth seized as his eyes turned darker, a smirk curling on his lips as he admired you, even hidden behind a towel.

“Won’t you let me see you?” Vladimir whispered, “Won’t you let me worship you?” He asked as he came closer, his hands reaching to cup your waist as he looked into your eyes.

Your heart thundered underneath his touch, “I don’t know if I should let you.”

Vladimir’s nose pushed under your chin as he smelt the heavy scent of the Myrrh perfume still clinging to your damp skin, “And why not? Why deny yourself such pleasure?”

You reached for his hair again and pushed it away from his cheek, “Because I don’t feel like I know you.” You confessed, “I don’t know who you really are.”

Vladimir looked at you, your faces close, your noses brushing together before he leaned down to place a single kiss to your lips.

Together, you melded against one another, hands clutching each other at you deepened the kiss a little. He pulled away as quickly as the feverishness began.

“I can tell you. Soon, I will tell you everything.” He promised as you looked at his handsome face. His eyes were wet, red at the corners before he hugged you tightly, “I…I think I feel something deeply for you. I understand this is a lot.” He confessed to you in a rush, shuddering against you as though he was crying.

“I…” Your mouth was dry, “I think I feel the same, but I don’t…I can’t explain it.” You whispered against his jumper.

Vladimir pushed his fingers into your flesh, as though you were going to disappear, “I can’t either.” He agreed, “But I know that I want to be with you…However you want me.” The man fell to his knees, “I am your servant.” The man’s hands grazed up your legs, slowly, dragging cold lines behind his fingertips as he looked up at you, hair falling over his eyes and cheeks.

You reached for his face with a soft smile, “I don’t want a servant.” He let you tug him back to his feet, “I want an equal.”

Vladimir’s lips met your own in a crush of passion, his hands flying to cup your cheeks as he held you as close as he could manage, his arms moving from your face to clutch your body close.

“Do you think you could love a monster?”

“If that monster loved me, I could.”

The sound of an alarm sounding woke you up. It was loud, a persistent beeping noise against the drowsiness in your head. It was sharp and ear piercing. You rushed to find your phone at the noise, rustling in the duvet to find it. After a moment, you opened your eyes, and found the phone on top of the nightstand. You silenced your alarm and groaned into the room as you tried to force the sleep from yourself. The room was silent now. You dragged your phone from the stand and squinted at the time before rolling over and realising you were alone. It was nine in the morning and Vladimir was nowhere to be seen. You sat up with the sheets and looked down at yourself. You were naked yet there was no ache in your body. There was no mess either. Nothing had happened. You remembered laying on top of Vladimir, kissing him between tales from his homeland as you listened and learned. The tale of the beast in the castle. The River Princess. The fog in the hills. All of it fascinated you. You’d listened to the sound of his voice, late into the evening, tracing patterns on his skin as he rumbled with laughter.

The bedside table rustled as you placed your hand on it. You frowned and gripped a piece of paper. It was labelled with your name. You unfolded the paper and looked at the note inside. Vladimir had an early meeting to attend. A sadness curled in your chest as you sat up properly and peered at the grandness of Vladimir’s own bedroom. You got out of the bed and walked over to his vanity before frowning. All the mirrors were covered in black silk, hidden out of view. You pulled back one of the sheets and looked in the floor standing mirror. It was in good shape yet old, like an antique. Your own face looked back before you re-covered the mirror. There wasn’t anything different in Vladimir’s room until you caught sight of the great portrait on the old chimney breast. A painted man looked down at you, a sword laid across his lap. You looked at the sword mounted underneath the painting and gazed in awe at the sharpness and magnificence of them both. Wondering if he was a collector, you took one of Vladimir’s red robes from his door and tied it around your waist before venturing to get some breakfast.

Dracula hissed as the door closed, blood spurting from his mouth, his latest meal laid in the soil next to him as he purred, claws slipping further into the earth as he listened to you move. The sound of silk over skin made him gurgle again as he closed his eyes, wishing that the night could replay over and over in his mind.

‘I know you have gone home but thank you for spending last night with me. I adored it. Will I see you again soon?’

You smiled down at your phone as you paused eating your lunch inside your shop. You replied with a witty comment and waited for his reply before going back to your lunch, thinking on the way Vladimir’s hands could hold you in other ways. Your brain skittered into the gutter for the rest of the afternoon.

Anne held the glass slide in her hand as she tried to comprehend what she was holding in her hand. It was beyond what she had seen before. Nothing compared. No disease had such virulence nor the ability to do what she had seen from Dracula’s own cells. His lymphatic cells were an amazing thing to watch, simultaneously killing and repairing the red blood cells, making them immortal. The blood she had originally was just as active now in her hands. She’d injected a rat with a small does, just to see what happened. The beast had appeared unfazed initially. Slowly, it had died off, its legs stopping working before she did the kindness and put the animal to sleep. It hadn’t died from the drugs. She ended up having to take the creature’s head off. Immortality. The rat was impervious to chemicals and drugs that could kill. It was an amazing thing, but Anne wasn’t swayed. She knew what the blood meant, and what it was capable of. A constant state of death and life. A curse upon those who were infected with Dracula’s blood. Damnation from God. Rejection of the light was not curable. She needed to tell the vampire that. He was beyond the help of mortals. Damned forever. He could live as a hunted beast or die by her hands.

“A frown makes you look older.” Dracula rumbled from underneath her. Red eyes opened in her shadow and Anne jumped backwards as the beast slid from her shadow and coalesced into a physical form. The shadows swirled into the human form of Dracula and Anne levelled him with a look of contempt.

“Has six hundred years taught you no manners?” She huffed as he drew the vial of the vampire’s blood from her coat and held it up for him to see. There was a little more than half left, “I wanted to tell you about this.” She tossed the blood back at the vampire.

Dracula caught the vial and took the top from the vial, smelling his own blood before he stuck out a pointed, long tongue, a mouth full of pointed teeth opening wide as he took his own blood back into himself.

“What did you find, Anne?” He asked as he tucked his hands into his pockets, licking blood from his bottom lip.

“Everything I expected to find. Your own cells are killing themselves and then repairing at a rate that is explosive. You shouldn’t be moving at all.” She huffed, “Though I suppose you aren’t alive. You’re a monster. A walking corpse.” Anne took a holy blade from her sleeve and watched as the vampire’s hair waved over his head in a mind of its own.

“You raise a blade to me after I gave you the answer to eternal life?” Dracula’s voice boomed off the concrete of the rooftop, “After I gave you the answers to everything?” He snarled as his hair covered his face, blood red eyes burning through the strands as he took his hands from his pockets and watched the hands grow and shift into snarling curls of shadowy monsters.

“I raise my blade at a beast and a monster. A creature that has killed for fun, enjoyment and sport. You enjoy all of this. You enjoy playing with people like a game!” She hissed at him as she drew a long sword from her belt. A sword and a dagger. Dracula’s mouth opened up the sides of his face as he faced the hunter, eyes peering from a moving creature of shadows.

“This is the face of life!” He howled at Anne, shadows bursting from him as dogs howled at the night sky below.

“You are nothing but corruption and death!” She shouted back, her feet planted firmly on the floor as the vampire hissed and spat across from her. Without another thought, she sent a small blade flying towards his red eyes. The shadows moved into two pieces, and the dagger flew through him before she was upon him with blessed steel. Her swipes swished through nothing but air as Dracula soared into the sky above her and dived, great clawed talons scratching at her face. Anne launched her dagger at him as he climbed once more and grinned at the vampire howled, blood spurting from his grey skinned side.

With a growl, she watched the vampire soar into the night sky, escaping with her blade lodged under his ribs. The night sky was littered with cold looking stars, clouds rolling over the moon as she watched the bat wings disappear behind the church and rooftops. It was a moment later that she looked at the scratches on her arms and the trail of wet saliva over one of them. Dracula had tasted her blood. He knew her plans, or at least pieces of them. She cursed the beast as she got to her feet, sheathing her old sword before collecting the holy throwing daggers from the rooftop. Anne tucked her coat back around her weapons and looked at her ward watch which was clipped to her pocket. Her shift started in an hour. She had enough time to return home and clean herself before she had dead bodies to look at and examine.

“I’ll finish my family’s work, Dracula…” She opened the stairs, “Starting with that new toy of yours.” The stairwell doors closed with a resounding slam.

#dracula #dracula x reader #count dracula #vlad dracula tepes #vladimir dracula #count dracula x reader #vladimir dracula x reader #dracula x female reader #dracula 1992 #bram stoker's dracula #bram stoker's dracula 1992 #count dracula x female reader #vladimir dracula x female reader #fanfiction #reader insert #fanfic #my writing

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ayuuria · 3 years

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Yashahime Translation: Real Sound Film Department Interview with Tadokoro Azusa

Please do not repost this translation without my consent! This includes screenshots of any type and amount. If you wish to share this translation, simply link to this post.

For more information regarding the use of my translations, click here.

Tadokoro Azusa, Her Thoughts on the “Inuyasha” World That She Admired. Reading the Script for Episode 1 was “A Very Surreal Feeling.”

“Hanyō no Yashahime”, which depicts the next generation of the anime that is Takahashi Rumiko-sensei’s original work, “Inuyasha”, is currently being broadcasted on Yomiuri TV and Nippon TV every Saturday from 17:30 (5:30pm on the 12-hour clock).

The protagonists of this work are three half-demons who carry the blood of a demon and a human, Towa, Setsuna, and Moroha. Towa and Setsuna are Sesshōmaru’s twin daughters. Moroha is the daughter of Inuyasha and Kagome but she grew up without knowing the face of her parents. What exactly happened in the feudal world that was supposed to have become peaceful after the permanent destruction of the Shikon Jewel. The mysteries are slowly being revealed and the story is visibly becoming more exciting.

This time, the Real Sound Film Department interviewed the voice actress who plays Moroha, Tadokoro Azusa.

(There is a video comment at the end of the interview)

When I got the role, I felt like “I had ascended to heaven.”

— Tadokoro-san, you play the role of Inuyasha and Kagome’s daughter, Moroha, and “Inuyasha” is what got you interested in voice acting correct.

Tadokoro Azusa (shortened to Tadokoro from here on): That’s right. It was a work that I loved, so my hands were shaking when they told me about the audition. That there was a new development in “Inuyasha” and that Inuyasha and Kagome had a child really surprised me.

— How did you feel (your) audition went?

Tadokoro: I acted with the intention that I put my all into it, but because I absolutely wanted the part, I felt nervous afterwards. That’s why when I got the part, I couldn’t believe it. I felt like had ascended to heaven.

— We heard that you jumped into a well before, thinking you might be able to go to the feudal era.

Tadokoro: The well was already buried so fortunately I wasn’t injured, but I really went for it (laughs)

— Now, you have time traveled to the modern era via the Tree of Ages’ passageway as Moroha, but were there any scenes that moved you deeply as you were acting?

Tadokoro: I don’t have a specific scene, rather it’s the episode 1 script. After watching the completed anime on screen when I was young, I was deeply moved that I was reading a script that had the lines spoken by characters from “Inuyasha”. I watched (the episode) on air in real time at home and hearing the voices of Inuyasha and the others on TV brought me be back to my younger days. Then hearing my voice afterwards. It was a very surreal feeling.

— Among them, we heard that Sesshōmaru was your favorite character. What was his appeal?

Tadokoro: First, Sesshōmaru has an overwhelmingly pretty face (laughs). At first, he seemed level-headed and hated humans, but after meeting Rin, you could see kindness slowly come through. I get wild ideas that for the few words he speaks, maybe this is what he was thinking? However periodically, he’ll say things clearly like “There’s nothing worth obtaining in exchange for Rin’s life” and I think that’s wonderful.

— Also, you decided to become a voice actress after admiring Yajima Akiko-san who did the voice of Kohaku in “Inuyasha”. Please tell us why you were taken by Yajima-san’s acting of Kohaku.

Tadokoro: Because Kohaku had to go through a lot of painful things, he came across as being absurdly prone to sacrificing himself. With Yajima-san acting as that Kohaku, it was as though there was more sorrow mixed in. It was a voice that made me go “I want to help him!” as I watched.

— Do you have any aspects that were influenced by Yajima-san?

Tadokoro: The biggest reason why I was drawn to Yajima-san’s voice and acting was because even in a normal everyday conversation, you could tell what sort of life that child went through. I thought I wanted to become that kind of a voice actress and when I met her once, I asked “How do you take on a role that has a thought process that you don’t understand?”

— What was her answer?

Tadokoro: “You know, I don’t know myself” is what she said. Because you don’t know, you continue to think about the feelings of the character you play and try to act in the same way. Actually, when Yajima-san played the role of a child from a wealthy family, she apparently stayed in a very expensive hotel for a week (laughs). Not only was I moved from seeing her acknowledge what she didn’t know and attempt to get closer to the role, I thought I should also understand the feelings of the person I’m playing without giving up.

Geeking Out During Recording

— The character you play, Moroha, is very expressive which makes her cute. If there is anything you are careful about while playing Moroha, please tell us.

Tadokoro: Thank you! Because she didn’t have an easy upbringing at all, she’s a very uncouth child. I’m conscious of that liveliness that always seems like it’s about to go off. It’s just that we purposely haven’t been told what’s going to unfold in the future actually, so it’s difficult in that sense. Not to mention Moroha’s emotions are constantly changing, so it’s hard for me to keep up (laughs). She gets interested in all sorts of things which seems hectic.

— However, it seems as though Moroha is the bridge that connects Towa and Setsuna.

Tadokoro: Yes. But in the end, those two are love dovey with each other so it’s sometimes lonely being left out (laughs). Moroha may seem like the type that acts recklessly at first glance, but she’s actually smart and surprisingly the most proficient in battle amongst the three of them. That sort of gap is charming. Plus, she has that sort of adorable idiocy like Inuyasha and Kagome’s cleverness, so I think that’s very powerful!

— Please tell us what you think of Towa who is played by Matsumoto Sara-san.

Tadokoro: While being a half-demon, Towa was separated from Setsuna when they were young and grew up in the modern era that she time travelled to. Furthermore, this time, she returns to the feudal era with Setsuna and Moroha, so I think she’s a complex character whose emotions are heavily swayed. From that Towa, I can feel Sara-san’s true sincerity or rather everything Towa says is what she truly feels without any ill-will which I think is cute.

— How about Setsuna who is played by Komatsu Mikako-san?

Tadokoro: Setsuna’s charm that Komatsu-san plays is her sharp appearance. I can slightly feel that cool face of Sesshōmaru’s after all; on the other hand, she exudes the cuteness of a girl. Through Komatsu-san’s acting, I think it’s wonderful that her cuteness of worrying about Towa, despite everything, comes through.

— What is the atmosphere like during recording?

Tadokoro: The three of us love “Inuyasha”, so we geek out! Since we also don’t know what’s to come, we speculate things on our own like “This might actually end up like that” (laughs).

— Every time an episode is broadcasted, there’s a lot of speculation that rouses social media as well. Please tell us what curious viewers should take note of going forward.

Tadokoro: If there are unexpected developments like “It’s come to that!”, then there will be developments that will make "Inuyasha” fans glad and at ease. The mysteries will slowly be revealed, so please don’t miss each episode.

— Within that, what are points to pay attention to for Moroha?

Tadokoro: Moroha’s past and the environment she grew up in will be revealed in a certain episode, and I think it will be an episode that will make her more endearing.

— Including the numerous roles you had outside of “Hanyō no Yashahime” and your singing career, I’m sure 2020 was a very busy year for you but looking back, how was it?

Tadokoro: With circumstances changing daily from the COVID crisis, I’m truly happy and blessed that I was able to expand my world in a new way. That’s why each job felt even more precious to me. I once again feel that I need to be serious about continuing (work) into next year and the year after that, so I feel pressure. It’s a feeling of “I can’t die out from here!”

— The state of the world was heavily shaken.

Tadokoro: You’re right… it would be great if we could all record together like before.

— Tadokoro-san, you turned 27 back on November 10th. What’s your goal for the new year?

Tadokoro: There’s my self-produced album, ‘Waver’ coming out on January 27th and my current goal is to become able to put into words how I think and feel.

— For example?

Tadokoro: For example, in daily life, to casually doubt something on TV or something a person says like “Is that really right?” or (say) what I was thinking. In a way, I put my current thoughts into songs which I compile into an album.

— You have stated that since the time of your debut you’ve always wanted to try playing a “young male” role, and lately you’ve been able to play a lot of young male roles, including Ryouma from “Kamisama ni Hirowareta Otoko” (By the Grace of Gods). Now once again, are there any roles you would like to try?

Tadokoro: I like foreign dramas, so I’d like to take on the challenge of dubbing a person who appears in a Western film.

— I think fans will look forward to the future development of “Hanyō no Yashahime” and your work.

Tadokoro: I would like everyone to wait while being excited. There are lot more things I want to say about “Hanyō no Yashahime” but it will get more exciting from here on, so please look forward to every episode. And I, Tadokoro Azusa, will keep pushing forward without coming complacent. Fans, please watch over me!

youtube

#yashahime #hanyou no yashahime #yashahime: princess half demon #translation

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 3 years

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So let’s talk about poems | Poetry Update #2

Hello!! I have successfully finished (1) semester in a poetry stream and am officially calling myself a ~poet, so let’s chat about some of the poems I’ve written recently! TW: A lot of my poems deal with difficult subject matter, such as suicide, animal abuse, death, sexism, murder, and captivity, so please tread with caution if these are sensitive topics for you.

1. the birds

About: After a woman’s suicide, birds flood from her neck.

I wrote this poem for a class, where our prof gave us 20 different prompts, and each line of the poem had to follow each prompt. In that order. You can read the prompts HERE if you’re so inclined to actually do this! This poem was originally called “Blessing of the Bird”, but in revisions, got knocked down to “the birds”. I actually prefer the original for its imagery, but it overall, was a horrific poem lol, and this version is certainly much better! It is a bit quirkier than the original, but I do like it!

Publication status: Currently seeking

2. TRANSCRIPT: orca’s coffin birth kills a man (2002)

About: An orca whale posthumously testifies on a recorded transcript, defending her innocence in the accidental killing of a man after she gave a coffin birth.

I also wrote this for my poetry class, and I really went wild on the concept! This poem arose quite bizarrely, but it is probably my favourite poem I’ve written to date. It is an incredibly sad, and I would say, disturbing poem, but it was fascinating writing a speaker who can’t possibly exist, but who feels so real at the same time. This poem was difficult because of the content, but I wrote it quickly because I was on a deadline. I think this poem has some of my favourite line breaks from my collection of work.

Publication status: Currently seeking

3. the drive-up microphone at burger king

About: A group of friends orders food at an underwater Burger King drive-thru with the body of a person they’ve (sort of?) murdered in the backseat.

This poem is so weird. :) I don’t even know what this poem is, but I love it. :) I wrote this in a night for a magazine’s very fast approaching deadline. I’m so happy I had that opportunity because this poem was born, and it’s so delightfully strange. I can’t wait for everyone to be able to read it!

Publication status: This poem is forthcoming in the next issue of carte blanche (I am SO excited and grateful)! Will post on here when it drops.

4. my body in the mirror of a gas station water bottle

About: A speaker watches her body in the reflection of a gas station mirror as it is scrutinized by men.

I started this poem back in July but didn’t finish it until November or so. It’s more lyrical in style, which is interesting to compare to my other work!

Publication status: Currently seeking

5. The last time I screamed I said water

About: A woman is held captive and bonds with her captor by eating salt.

I wrote this poem in 5-minutes in a desperate break from a really... boring take-home exam lol. It’s obviously very dark in content, but focuses really on this “salt ritual”, and is actually the name of the chapbook I am working on! This chapbook contains all of the poems I’ve written recently, including ones that have been published (at Grain and Augur ! <3) which means it’s very chaotic and varied but that’s how I roll! This poem actually stemmed from the title, which I’d had lying around in a document for a few weeks, and easily materialized from there!

6. we drink.

About: Champagne, the patriarchy, some murder & cannibalism vibes

I truly don’t know what this poem is about! But I wrote it tonight in 5-minute fashion like I apparently now do with poems! :) I actually really like it and wish I could explain what it is actually about but I :) do not know :) ! It’s very short, my shortest poem yet, but I really love her! Definitely works particularly with “the last time I screamed” !

Publication status: Currently seeking

That’s it for this update! When I write more poems, I will be back!

--Rachel

#writing #amwriting #writeblr #writerblr #poetry

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taylizmasterpost · 4 years

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Liz After the Agency (September 2012 - September 2014)

So, Liz is spiraling. Her mental health isn’t doing great. And she was just asked to leave The Agency (presumably to take care of herself, although the public reason given was for her to start a solo career). Things are bad.

However, in the darkness, there’s always a light. And the light for Liz, in this case is her neighbor, Bryan Brown.

24 September 2012 - Liz and Bryan tweet at each other for the first time:

17 October 2012 - Taylor writes This Love:

Now, this COULD be about Liz, considering the back and forth. However, I’m more inclined to believe Taylor wrote this about Swiftgron’s first break up, right after they got back together, which you can read more about here.

The same day, Liz makes a vague tweet about jealousy:

It’s crazy weird to me that the same day Taylor is celebrating getting back together with Dianna and writing This Love, Liz is pissed off and jealous about something. Coincidence? Maybe. But I don’t think so.

22 October 2012 - Red is released. According to a later interview with the photographer who did the Red booklet (who happens to be Liz’s current roommate), Taylor based the concept of the photoshoot on some headshots they’d taken for Liz:

“Taylor is a mutual friend of ours. Stephen and his brother were friends with her years before, and I became friends with her separately. What ended up happening was one of her background singers needed headshots. When Taylor saw them a few months later, she came to me and was like, “Liz showed me the shots you took of her, and I need my album to look exactly like that.” Clearly, this was a no-brainer. I said, “OK!” Before then, I’d been kind of burned out on music photography. A lot of the shoots were super controlling. I needed a new perspective on the field itself and wanted future shoots to be very free-flowing — just the artist and a minimum crew. Luckily for Stephen and me, that’s exactly how Taylor presented the Red album shoot. So it was just the three of us shooting everything together. She wanted everybody else to remain off set, allowing for a more personal and intimate experience.”

So, I don’t know why Taylor did this. Maybe she wanted to look like a hipster for the Red album and Liz was the best she knew. Or, maybe, she wanted to scream to those who knew her well that this album was about LIZ HUETT.

In this series of Liz headshots, there’s also one specific photo of Liz wearing the Stevie Nicks moon necklace that Taylor possibly gave to her:

Is this possibly one of the reasons why Taylor wanted to mimic them for the Red album?

Later that day, Taylor goes on Good Morning America and says she wrote a new song “like two days ago” (probably talking about This Love?)

And after that, Taylor tells the LA Times that Begin Again and State of Grace are about the same person:

“There were a few track list choices I knew I was going to make way in advance,” she said. “I knew I wanted to bookend the album with ‘State of Grace’ and ‘Begin Again’ because they’re inspired by the same person who inspired a few songs on the record. I wanted to start and end the album with the first and last song I ever wrote about that relationship.”

“Then in between those songs, I wanted to paint a picture of the ups and downs I’ve experienced in life and love, not necessarily in the order it happened chronologically,” Swift continued. “I like to spread the emotions out in a way that never makes you feel like there’s a sad lull, then a burst of four songs in a row about joy. At the end of the day, I make a track list based on what my gut feeling tells me.” ‘Begin Again’ is my song version of a cliffhanger ending. Throughout the whole album, there have been songs about the trials and tribulations of love and loss, and there at the end of the record it starts all over. As soon as I wrote that song, I knew exactly where I wanted to put it.”

Now, I don’t think this means Begin Again is about Liz. I think it means that Liz is the past relationship in the song, and Dianna is the present. And Liz actually has a song called “Good About Her” that kind of mirrors Begin Again and I find that HILARIOUS and also kind of a smoking gun.

26 October 2012 -Taylor goes on Katie Couric. Katie asks if Taylor’s ex in WANEGBT got the message and Taylor says she “hasn’t heard from him since” and also mentions “some of my exes like to write really long emails.” Now, if the song is about Liz, this is a lie, because she definitely did get lunch with Liz after WANEGBT came out. However, I think it’s fair that what she’s hinting here is that things did not end well in that messy relationship.

25 October 2012 - Liz quote tweets Caitlin about crying on the treadmill to All Too Well :

8 November 2012 - Liz releases Never Know on YouTube:

youtube

The lyrics that make me think this is about Taylor are the “now and then I catch myself singing your old song.” ESPECIALLY in the context of that treadmill tweet and Liz probably having written this during her Nashville sessions over the summer. However, it could also be about Jason, who, as we know, was a struggling musician before he became a photographer.

18 November 2012 - Taylor shoots the MV for IKYWT, wears the same black and white shirt she wore around when Liz first joined the band. Liz calls the news of her leaving the Agency “bittersweet.”

And “bittersweet” is the exact same phrasing that around a week later Taylor would say the ex who most of Red is about used to describe listening to the album:

19 November 2012 - Ali Puliti tweets about listening to two Liz demos -- Blessed Are the Brokenhearted and Dammit, meaning this song, which wouldn’t be released until 2018, was likely written during those summer 2012 songwriting sessions:

When the song was eventually released by Jana Kramer in 2018, Liz posted this on Facebook:

The song also notably contains the lyric “cause I could hear you in the kitchen, playing your guitar” which REALLY REALLY makes me think of Taylor. Although it could maybe be for Jason, who was also a musician.

Here’s the story Liz told about the song:

“‘Dammit’, actually, was a story that I lived out. Like, I was with somebody I was, you know, getting very serious. We were talking about starting a life together and we even had this house, like, picked out in the city where we lived and we would drive by it and be like ‘one day when we buy that house’. And, so, when we broke up, the pain of, like, saying goodbye was really, you know, really intense, but it was also mourning the loss of the hypothetical future. So, it was like saying goodbye to the past memories and stuff, sort of what we almost had and that’s where that song came from. So, honestly, I didn’t write it for anyone else, but myself, truly. But, um, it’s beautiful that music has such a way of resonating with someone who might not even know and they connect with it so much that another artist would want to sing it. It’s such a high compliment.”

And here’s a quick clip of Liz singing it. So, seems like a Jason song, if not for the fact that she wrote it almost a year after they broke up and kept it hidden for years before eventually giving it to another artist.

13 December 2012 - Taylor’s birthday. Liz does not wish her happy birthday. This, to me, is the biggest evidence that there’s some amount of bad blood between them at this point.

14 December 2012 - The Music Video for IKYWT comes out. Taylor wears a shirt she wore a LOT when TayLiz was first a thing in 2009. She also wears a key necklace, which will be important later.

17 December 2012 - Liz posts a picture from Claire’s birthday party using a picture without Taylor in it (even though it seems fair to assume Taylor would’ve been invited).

20 December 2012 - Liz tells a fan her favorite song from Red is All Too Well:

21 December 2012 - Liz wishes Claire happy birthday. Further signaling bad blood with her and Taylor since she didn’t bother to do it for Taylor.

9 January 2013 - Liz releases Blessed Are the Brokenhearted:

youtube

Here she describes love as “burning up out of control” which is the same phrase Taylor used on Red -- “burning red” -- and Begin Again -- “I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end.” Also, the idea of love as an out of control flame really does describe their relationship.

20 January 2013 - Liz releases One Hand on the Wheel:

youtube

Here, much like in Red, Liz describes a relationship using the metaphor of a car. The relationship is messy, maybe even toxic. There’s even a lyric that sounds like it could be out of treacherous: “Being wrong shouldn’t feel so right like it does / But it does.”

22 January 2013 - Liz releases Wreck of Who I Am.

youtube

This is the song that is the strongest evidence for me that Liz WAS going through some mental health stuff over the summer when she was doing all this songwriting, and that that Reddit post about running into a drunk Liz who said she was fired for being “out of control” seems somewhat accurate. Here Liz sings about her battles, the way she’s losing them, and asks her younger self what she would think if she saw her now.

I’m not going to go into too much detail on Liz and Bryan (since unlike her and Jason there’s no need to use them to say much about TayLiz) but, despite his flaws, he was the person to pick Liz up off the ground when she was feeling this way, so he should get some credit for that.

Sometime around this - Liz releases Stones. Similar upbeat nature to Blessed Are the Brokenhearted with mentions to some of the struggles of Wreck of Who I Am.

Choice Lyrics:

When you’re knocked off your throne And lying on your back Things will never be so clear Cause when you see it all like that Sooner or later it comes around Yeah we all taste that bitter truth But all the stones you’re throwing now Will be the ones they throw at you

Also with these batch of songs, we get Sun Out of the Rain:

So baby, hold on, the storm will roll away It may be pouring down, but it’s only for today A million pieces might be falling into place And when there are no words to say We’ll make the sun out of the rain

29 January 2013 - Chantelle Paige posts a picture of Liz and Taylor and talks about a “sad night turned awesome.” Once again, I think this is a throwback from that night in 2012.

2 April 2013 - Liz goes to therapy. Her and Bryan are dating at this point.

2 September 2013 - Liz tells a fan on twitter that she hasn’t been to any of the Red shows, which to me definitely backs up that fan account of Liz being bitter about being fired.

23 December 2013 - Liz wishes Taylor Happy Birthday. This seems like a peace offering to me, considering they haven’t spoken in like a year and she refused to do this the earlier year. Also worth noting that Swiftgron is on its last legs at this point.

1 March 2014 - Sara Evans releases Put My Heart Down, which was co-written by Liz and is about walking away from a toxic relationship:

youtube

Now, from what I know of Liz and Jason, this doesn’t seem like their dynamic at all. It’s too soon for it to be about her and Bryan However, it does remind me a LOT of what Taylor was writing about on Red. Her are some choice lyrics:

I never pictured us fighting this much Thought we were figured out, but it’s so messy now Your words cut so deep and I think you should leave

Put my heart down and walk away This kind of love is dangerous So pack up all your things, just leave some air to breathe A million toxic tears fallin’ like rain over here This is the final hour The end of our story tonight And I don’t wanna fight

Now, please go listen to Treacherous, Battle/Let’s Go and Story of Us and tell me this is not the same relationship.

Bonus though, this song is copyrighted for 2014, making it make even LESS SENSE for it to be written about Bryan.

17 July 2014 - Timothy James Brown releases a song called Change My Mind that was co-written by Liz. I’m out of video links, so here are some choice lyrics:

All the horses became soldiers Dark as night to drag me away A complicated kind of heartbreak When you promise somebody you’ll stay

I know you’ve been hurting I know more than most I don’t have the courage Where you’re going, I can’t follow

To me, this reads as Liz making peace with leaving the Agency. She recognizes her demons, and how they ruined her relationship with Taylor, and says “where you’re going, I can’t follow” because she’s not in a good enough place to keep touring with Taylor.

So things are looking bleak in TayLiz land. However, Liz seems to be recovering! She’s writing songs acknowledging some problems in the relationship and her own battles, and she’s also in therapy and dating Bryan. It’s time for some reconciliation. But first, let’s see what’s up in Taylor-land:

Liz References on the Red Tour

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taikanyohou · 4 years

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The reaction was really interesting. I agreed with a lot of Bright’s point and it was nice to see a different perspective. I really wish they had showed it in the show. You can tell Bright is really attached to Sarawat and it hurts his heart to see the pain. It also showed me that the finale could have been loads better with a few cute scenes and a proper discussion. This is what Bright was talking about. At the end of the day it was the lack of communication.

Ahh I loved that reaction video and I loved seeing Bright talking about Sarawat’s point of view. I’m sure one of the reasons they bought him was the amount of shit he was getting from some people. This however also showed me what the show lacked. Though I loved 2gether.. most of the time we saw things were Tine’s perspective. It would have really been good to see it from Sarawat’s perspective in the last episode. You can also see Bright’s frustration at times with how they portrayed Sarawat.

I assume you watching the reaction video atm! Let me say this boy gives me heart attacks like how thoughtful he is and wants to explain sarawat’s every move since episode 12 and why he acted the way he acted. I felt like he kept it inside for so long that it needed to be spoken out like when he wanted to see a reaction from P’Jennie how he looked away and then right back at her. He was so stressed and on the edge the whole time! How he repeatedly said he’s sorry for Sarawat cause he knows that everyone was sorry for Tine but didn’t get to see/understand his side of version. He also zoned out in a couple of scenes like this boy has sooo many emotions and it feels it’s too overwhelming for him(I feel that at least). I’m so grateful that Bright exists and talk about loving a man and to feel love so freely!! He could’ve said so much in the end but instead it was more like an apology for hurting Tine and how his character works. He understands Sarawat so much. I’ll cry. I didn’t thought my opinion would be that long... he’s speaking so enthusiastically about Sarawat and what his character taught him. This boy is really a blessing for the 2gether + lgbt+ community I love him he’s a child like a babie :((

Bright just wants to smooch his co-star but the universe won’t let him.

hiii anons!!! i’m gonna combine all of your asks into one bc we’re all essentially talking about the same thing.

yeah. so. the ep 13 reaction video. lets talk about it.

firstly, i ... it will never cease to astound me just how much bright loves sarawat? he knows him with every fibre of himself. he knows sarawat right down to the tendon and bone of him. like. bright’s taken so much time out to character study sarawat, get into his psyche and mind and heart. and. i hate novel! sarawat, but, bright’s taken that character, and made it his own, completely transforming him. and that takes so much understanding and commitment and passion. truly, we don’t deserve bright. we really don’t. and i am so thankful we got bright to play sarawat. no body else could have done sarawat better than bright. so much so that like .... they both overlap, bright and sarawat. sometimes its hard to distinguish where sarawat ends and bright begins.

and like some of yall said, i think it was a very clever ... move (?) ... to star bright to react to ep 13, solo, without win. bc, like yall mentioned, and like im gonna dwell on now: 2gether was entirely from tine’s perspective. it reminds me a bit of skam, in that way, that ... ya know even tho i’ve watched skam and i should KNOW this, but i still forget just how POWERFUL perspectives are. and how much they influence your way of thinking. i touched upon this after ep 12, but now after watching bright react to the whole of ep 13, like, it comes back to that. we saw everything through tine’s eyes. and so, it felt like, sarawat’s side needed to be justified. but it could never be done on the show bc the show was about tine’s perspective. and the only way it could have been done, is if they both would have talked.

which brings me onto my next point, that bright mentions - the biggest barrier and fault was they both don’t know how to talk. i touched upon this just yday actually, how sarawat is someone who doesn’t know how to talk, he’s more of a do-er (like bright said), whereas tine is someone who overthinks himself to the point of sickness and anxiety and so he doesn’t know how to voice that out, and like bright said, tine is someone who is EXTREMELY obedient - if someone says something to him to do, tine will go along and do that and won’t say no to them. which means that tine himself has had very little experience of going with his gut and how he feels, and when he comes face to face in a situation like that, it becomes Very overwhelming for him.

so, it was really clever to have bright on, solo, to explain everything from his and sarawat’s perspective. especially the bit where bright was like “everytime someone flirted with tine, wat never once questioned his trust for tine or their love, he would go directly to the person in question and deal with them.” and ... ya know, that’s more easier for sarawat to do, than it is for tine, who isn’t like that at all - like bright said, tine is the more obedient one who just follows along everybody else’s suggestions and has never really used his agency to decision make for himself.

and so ... yeaah. like. people sent a LOT of verbal abuse to bright after ep 12. and bright even said he knew it would happen, bc the entire series is from tine’s perspective, he understood that from well before. so he says he was prepared, but he still didn’t come on social media that often bc he got so much verbal abuse over it.

and like, i’ve said before, just like how jennie and go said in the reaction video, that we should have got less flashbacks in the finale, and instead, we could have had a more sweeter scene. that could have been and should have been a proper, open and honest conversation between tine and sarawat, or, as bright suggested, a kiss. so, ya know, as some people were saying that maybe bright was just uncomfortable about kissng win??? no. no he wouldnt be AT ALL. it just ... never occured in the script. but yeah. i think .......... it really did get to bright - that sarawat never on the show got a chance to explain.

which honestly makes me feel like thats why half the time he would improvise as sarawat? and add in things he KNOWS sarawat would/should do bc he KNOWS the depths of his love for tine so he used those moments so smartly to show that (a sign of v v v good acting!!!). like a marriage proposal, or putting tine’s hand over his shoulder, or adding in cheek kisses. like. bright’s really gone over and beyond for sarawat and tried to show just how intensely in love wat is with tine, with the little space and room for manoeuvre that he got granted.

idk if the some of scripts were written in a rush? i mean, 2gether was the FIRST show from gmmtv to air in 2020 - if i’m correct???? - so, between november to february, the had to get everything shooted and done, but they MUST have started script writing earlier than that. idk ...

personally, i do wish we did get some more of the novel scenes in the show. like, sarawat and tine coming out to sarawat’s dad was SUCH a BEAUTIFUL scene in the novel but we never got it on the show. why? bc it was from sarawat’s perspective, not tine’s. another really nice scene, is the cinema scene where they held hands, but on the show we got a different version of it, where instead, they talked about a happy or tragic ending before tine decides to accept being wat’s boyfriend and they hug (i like that scene though, purely bc we got to see win’s crying which was !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING! and the hug was SUPER sweet!).

but yeah, it .... idk. seeing bright in that reaction video in some moments Hurt. bc .... there was so much he wanted to say but he kept it in. and he’d just glance and sigh and look down or away bc he GETS sarawat in a way i think nobody else does. and so ..... had the show had more time, or was able to cut out some scenes and replace them with other and rewrite bits, we could have gotten sarawat’s perspective, and not had the show completely butcher sarawat’s image in ep 12 the way they did, only for them to then have less than one episode, a finale no less, to save his face again, whilst also tying up every other plot at the same time.

like, bright has SO MUCH to offer as sarawat. and bright says he doesnt know about a season 2 (yet), but, ya know, if we ever got to see tine and sarawat again, i kinda wish they allow bright more freedom - bc he understands his character a lot more better than the writers do, i feel. he gets sarawat on soul deep level. so i just wish they’d give bright more freedom to be sarawat. and i have no doubt that, if that had been the case, we would have gotten a LOT more physical intimacy between tine and sarawat. i’m not mad about the lack of it, but, i’m assuming that bright would have really made sarawat be a lot more physical with tine. but at the same time, i agree with bright when he said that tine and wat are people who show their affections to one another in private - which is why i am SO ...... upset that we never got to see tine and wat ALONE in the one year later scene, bc, like i said, they WOULD have been a LOT LOT LOT more intimate then. but they weren’t alone. so they weren’t intimate. which. yeah.

but at the same time, ya know, bright’s so .... like. he gets where the hurt for tine stems from. just like how he gets sarawat’s character, he gets tine’s too. but like he said, he’s lived and breathed wat since day one - and so, i think he just really wanted a chance to explain everything from sarawat’s point of view. he really didn’t need to apologise at all, and yet he did, on behalf of wat hurting tine.

so whilst i know its just said that oh ya know bright should just write the whole of s2, i kinda wish, if we were to get one, that they writers would sit down and LISTEN to bright and win and take some input of theirs in, since, they’re the ones who KNOW their characters and play them.

but yeah, bright’s mind. his intellect. his knowing of sarawat ............. it will never cease to amaze to me just how dedicated he was at an emotional and psychological level to play sarawat.

#faiza answers

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theroyalmile · 3 years

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No Returns, No Exchanges

Disclaimer: I have debated for quite a while whether or not I should post this blog. Social media is such a curated space for joy and happiness, it can feel oppressive at times. There is so much life-changing positivity, from engagements to new jobs; and don’t get me wrong, that happiness is great to see. But on the other hand, all of that positivity makes me feel like sharing any kind of negative information is attention-seeking and an immense overshare. So let’s ask ourselves why I feel that way. Why is happiness celebrated while the sad, sometimes harsh realities of life are thought to be oversharing? More specifically, why do we feel like life-changing news can only be shared when it doesn’t make other people uncomfortable? Our expressions of pain should not be regulated by the comfort levels of the people who surround us. There comes a time when not sharing something begins to feel like hiding something, and hiding something turns to shame. That is a feeling that I refuse to welcome into my life right now. So here we go.

It has been a while since I posted anything… a really long while. It has been rare, these past few years, that I have even felt I had anything much to say let alone write anything, mostly because my life has been fairly normal, fairly unextraordinary, and I am rather blessed to be saying that during such a difficult time for so many. The few moments where I have felt like I had something to say have been fleeting, and after a good 2am word vomit on paper, I have filed these musings under “not to be seen by the light of day” which is probably for the best.

Sometimes in the past I would find myself wishing I had something interesting going on in my life, something worthy of commentary… I don’t know, I was thinking like a cool hobby, an interesting skill, a kick-ass career, or a run in with Tom Hardy like I’d always dreamed of… something.

Well, to whoever is in charge, this is not what I meant, and I would like to request a refund.

Because as its final parting kick in the ass 2020 decided to gift me with breast cancer. This isn’t a bad punch line, it’s just the truth.Let me give you a second to process that one. I certainly needed a few.

The thing is, a little itty bitty 3-centimeter tumor- that’s not something I can give back, as much as I might want to. It’s not a too-large sweater you can return with a gift receipt, and it’s not a bad haircut you can complain about and get your money back (though it certainly will include one in a week or so!)

A lot of you already know this story and frankly it’s not one I can tell with much finesse or humor, so I will keep it brief. It was a dark and stormy 6pm when I found a lump in my breast in the shower back in November. My initial thought was “you’re a crazy lady and a hypochondriac, let’s give it a few weeks since this is probably nothing.” A few weeks, when my imaginary lump seemed to not actually be imaginary, I figured okay, it’s time to see my doctor, it’s probably nothing but we need to make sure. I was in fact so unconcerned about it that I didn’t even see my regular doctor. I figured I just needed a medical professional to feel me up and let me know what to do next. I didn’t even bother mentioning it to my parents. (For context of my laissez-faire, when I was 14 I found a lump in my breast that turned out, after little fanfare, to be a cyst which was unceremoniously drained on a cold metal table by a male doctor in a somewhat traumatizing but ultimately benign event. That’s a longer story for later).

Cue a physical exam, confirming I was not crazy and there was a lump, but it was probably nothing; an utltrasound, confirming the lump was a shape that they did not like, but it was probably nothing; and an ultrasound guided biopsy, in which the probably nothing was sampled. The week between Christmas and New Year’s was spent impatiently waiting for the news, increasingly feeling that my probably nothing was maybe, actually something.

On December 28 around lunch time I received a phone call in the middle of the work day from the radiologist, who while very nice, was someone I had only met once while she shot a needle in and out of my boob. She asked me how I was doing and then told me my test results were in. “I’m sorry to say it’s not good news,” she said.

And believe it or fucking not my immediate thought was “It’s not good news… it’s great news!” My brain supplied this as if on autopilot like some kind of 90s game show host, knowing fully well that I would not be so lucky because we are not living in a Brooklyn 99 episode. It’s weird where your brain goes under duress.

It was one of the most uncomfortable phone calls I have ever had, wherein I found myself trying to reassure a complete stranger that I was okay and I’m pretty sure I even said, “it is what it is.” I was told a breast surgeon and oncologist from my provider network would be in contact and the call ended. Ultimately, I was diagnosed with Stage 1B Triple Negative Invasive Ductal and Lobular Carcinoma. No returns, no exchanges.

I am two months into my diagnosis, and 1/8 of my way through chemotherapy, the first part of a three series treatment (to be followed by surgery and then likely radiation.) This Friday, after my second chemotherapy treatment, I will begin to lose my hair. Anyone who knows me at all knows that the hair loss will be a pill likely far harder for me to swallow than the chemo itself. And while the look may have worked for Demi Moore in GI Jane, I do not have her bone structure, nor her body. I anticipate I will look more like the yellow peanut M&M, which while obviously the best M&M of the bunch, I think we can all agree is not a cute look for me.

I do not say this to be melodramatic, I just say this because I am cynical and pragmatic by nature: I am not particularly surprised that I have cancer. And this is for several reasons, some of which probably deserve a longer blog later. To put it simply, I have been surrounded by cancer, both by choice and by cruel fate and happenstance, my entire life.

Cruel Fate and Happenstance: Having several relatives who have gone through cancer, and a mother with a BRCA 1 genetic mutation (which I had a 50% chance of inheriting, and in fact did) I always figured it would eventually happen to me. The odds this condition dealt me? “About 13% of women in the general population will develop breast cancer sometime during their lives. By contrast, 55%–72% of women who inherit a harmful BRCA1 variant… will develop breast cancer by 70–80 years of age.” That 55-72% is the kind of percentage you want winning the lottery, but the lottery this most certainly is not, and that much I understood. So, I always figured something like this would probably happen. Did I think I would be 28? No. But I figure that just makes me an overachiever.

Choice: I volunteered at a cancer support non-profit from the time I was 12 to the time I was 22, and I wrote my college senior thesis in anthropology on women with ovarian cancer, the cancer that killed my aunt Lizzy when I was 4 years old. I have likely read more books on cancer than your average newly diagnosed person, which I find to be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I know some of what’s coming. On the other hand, I know some of what’s coming. Of course I don’t think any of these things gave me cancer but you might say I have been training for this my whole life. I think this joke is far funnier than pretty much everyone I say it to except my immediate family, because the Tenney/Koss folk are very big on gallows humor, in which case this is hilarious. Comedy is our family coping mechanism, and I am guilty of occasionally forgetting not everyone is wired like that.

So where are we right now? Taking it day by day. Do I frequently find myself wallowing in self-pity these days? Sure. But all the same I feel truly lucky. This is a feeling I am trying to hold on to, because I think the other options might be truly unbearable. Why? Well, I found this tumor. I’m 28-years-old, which means I am hardly old enough for a regular mammogram and MRI. My last yearly physical was a TeleHealth appointment (hence no actual physical) and I will be honest, I never made a habit of regularly checking myself like I should have. But this tumor just presented itself casually during a shower. Breast cancer, when caught early, is highly treatable and curable, and I am fairly confident, knock on wood, that is where this particular nightmare is headed. The fact that it was caught early: pure luck.

Another reason I feel lucky is for the most part, I feel like I actually have the stability to handle the oncoming struggle. I have a large and wonderful support system, an incredible and supportive partner, a savings account with actual savings in it, and a job where I am cared about as a human. If this had happened to me three years ago, almost none of these things would be true. There will never be a good time to have cancer, but some times are apparently better than others. Of course, the ongoing pandemic means I can’t have people go with me to chemo, or my wig fitting, or my surgery consultations, and alone a lot of this seems much more daunting and difficult than it might otherwise have been, but I am trying to make a habit of counting my blessings, and despite this terrible thing I’ve been given, my blessings are many.

There isn’t a “right way” to have cancer, but I think there might be a “right way” for me. I am a private person and I find sharing some of these details difficult and more than a little uncomfortable, but I am also intimately familiar with the healing nature of writing and comedy, so I am going to give it a shot.

And now that I think of it… the peanut M&M is going to make a really great Halloween costume.

#cancer #breast cancer #personal #newly diagnosed

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pkmnjesus · 4 years

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⏪ P J’s PokéAni Rewind 2019

Hello, yes I’m still alive for those wondering or care at all :] Just been taking an indefinite leave from all my social media accounts (though you can still see me on Discord: PokémonJesus#2495) since mid-November going through some personal self-discovery journey...nobody misses me anyways. I’ll address that maybe in a future post, but let’s not make this about me...because RIGHT NOW it is time for my 4th annual year-end (and favorite) Tumblr tradition! 2019 was a stressful year for me personally (as you can tell I’ve been on and off here), and I appreciate all of the friends I’ve made within this fandom who’ve stuck with me through it. It was also the year of the successful launch of my new PokéAni exclusive side-blog @pokeaniepisodes where I would do my weekly episode blogging/screen-caps/GIFs for the #pokeani tag. Within the span of 10 months, I would gain over 1,000 followers! Thank you to those who have followed me there as well. Obviously due to my current circumstances, that has been put on halt as well after Sun & Moon ended. Apologies, but I’ll be back in 2020 hopefully. As for PokéAni, it was bittersweet as we bid Alola farewell with the Sun & Moon series ending heading into the next generation series. If you’re curious to hear what I have to say about the new series, well here’s your post! The Pokémon anime has officially wrapped up for this year with Ash & Go in the Hoenn region earlier today, in where he WON another tournament showing Go how it’s done! But now, it is time to highlight some of the best episodes (this post will be following the original Japanese release dates, but will still be using the English/game dub names for a universal understanding by all) I personally found noteworthy from each month. Without further ado, let’s take a look back at what the Pokémon anime had to offer in 2019. 1, 2, 3. LET’S GO!

JANUARY - Hello Hapu

The Poni Island adventures begin! And also, the road to Ash’s final grand trial to complete. This mini-arc started a very fun series of character-centric episodes among the main cast and their Pokémon while they were in the island without Professor Kukui’s guidance. From Sophocles’s Charjabug evolving to a Vikavolt, and Lana’s Popplio evolving to Brionne (plus getting Primarium Z!). But the highlight out of all of this was the character arc of the soon-to-be Poni Island Kahuna, Hapu! She was a stubborn trainer who didn’t want to interact with anyone or battle Ash. She eventually opened up to him and his friends slowly after getting back her stolen radishes from Team Skull (the first appearance of Plumeria as well). She was a key figure on the class’ expedition throughout Poni for their respective research projects, while Tapu Fini and her late grandfather keep an eye on her progress. Eventually when she did became Kahuna, Ash finally had his rightful battle with her for a grand trial. She didn’t gain only a new set of confidence, but a new set of friends too.

FEBRUARY - Mama Mallow makes us cry

As the group continues doing their personal research projects in Poni Island, and after Kiawe clears his own trial with Tapu Fini, we get a feels trip to Mallow’s past. Thanks to Tapu Fini’s mysterious mist that allows people to see the departed, Mallow relives her childhood days with her mother. We not only get a teary backstory of what Mallow said to her ill mother before passing away, but also Lillie & Gladion’s attempt to see their “deceased” father, Mohn. Mallow seeking proper closure, finally reunites with her mother in the mist as they spend as much time catching up with one another ever since their improper argument at the hospital. We then discovered that Bounsweet was actually caught by her mom before gifting it to Mallow as her first Pokémon...who is now a fully evolved Tsareena. There were a lot of good moments like seeing the Stoutland that (as if this wasn’t enough of a feels trip) help raised Ash’s Torracat when it was still a Litten, and that Mohn is nowhere to be found in the mist meaning that he’s still alive! Stoutland’s final gift to Torracat was upgrading its Ember move to eventually learning to use Fire Blast. But the most important thing about this episode, is that it teaches us to be grateful to our parents (or those who raised us) even when it looks like they don’t seem to care, we misunderstand and overlook how much they truly care for us. Never take things for granted and live in the moment. In the end, Mallow’s mom gave her one final gift before going back to the afterlife, a Shaymin to care for. Thanks mom :’)

MARCH - Ya boi is never too late!

All we can just say when he was first announced was...finally...or about time! Team Skull boss Guzma’s long awaited appearance in the Pokémon anime happened when he and the rest of his gang visited the Pokémon School to confront Professor Kukui. After hearing about the official announcement that the first Alola League was going to happen, Guzma is determined to eliminate everything for what it stands for. Meanwhile, everyone in Alola wanted to get in on the action for an opportunity to become a champion, that includes Ash who stood up to Guzma for Kukui. After wiping the floor with Team Rocket, Guzma battles Ash taking interest with his utilization of the Z-Power Ring. Despite newly perfecting Corkscrew Crash, it had almost no damage on Guzma’s Golisopod. As the battle rages on, Golisopod’s Emergency Exit activates when Pikachu starts to get an upper hand. A stubborn Guzma not wanting to admit what really happened leaves and berates Ash as he sends a clear message on his vow to destroy the Alola League. Guzma and Kukui went face-to-face before Team Skull left, and it’s clear that his intentions were more personal. There’s always a reason behind of it all, and Guzma was seeking for vengeance.

APRIL - Mohn is missing

After discovering that their father may still be alive (as mentioned in my February highlight), Lillie and her family are searching for answers with the help of the Aether Foundation. Lusamine then confesses to her kids about an Ultra Wormhole incident that caused Mohn to disappear. As they continue to get more info, they stumble upon Mohn’s room and discovered two very important treasures. A Z-Ring which he used to wear, and a Magearna that doesn’t seem to be responsive. Lillie decides to wear and use her Z-Ring until her father is found, while also finding away to bring the Magearna he left back to life. With the blessing of Kahuna Hala and her friends’ support, she deicides to finally put her Icium-Z to good use by practicing the Subzero Slammer Z-move with Snowy now that she finally has a Z-Ring at hand. She fails at her first attempt, it won’t keep her down from practicing until she gets it right. The episode ends on a very touching note with Lillie reading an entry from her father’s old journal revealing that Mohn did in fact bought an inactive Magearna in hopes to restore it to give it to his one and only daughter as a gift <3

MAY - Lana’s lure of fate

In one of my personal favorite episodes (totally not because she’s my favorite and the best girl), I got shut up for even doubting that her Brionne would evolve this soon (don’t you just hate it when anime previews spoil?). Lana finally decides to make her dream a reality (referenced in previous episodes) to hook a Kyogre at sea! With the help of Ash, they were able to track down a Kyogre that suddenly appeared while the class were fishing. When they discovered that the Kyogre had been poisoned by Pokémon hunters, Lana decides to cure it with an antidote hooked to a special Misty lure she had been given while Ash deals with the troublemakers. Even after curing the poison, the hunters attempting to catch Kyogre made it rage even more. Lana tries to save it by trying to hook him out of the Hunter’s capturing device. She was successful in freeing it but ended up dragging her to the ocean rapidly as a storm develops from an angered Kyogre. And it was at that moment when Brionne wanted to save her trainer from getting dragged all over, evolving to Primarina was the only way to end this perfect storm. Primarina’s singing calmed down Kyogre, as Lana lifts up her rod graciously with Kyogre in the sky. Dream achieved, and a moment has been made with new sea friend. Now when Lana tells this story, it’s actually the truth and there will be no one laughing now! Later on another episode, Lana & Primarina would learn how to use and master the Oceanic Operatta Z-move, and it’s all thanks to the hook of this Kyogre. I’m sure Misty is proud as well :)

JUNE - Kid Kukui and Little Litten

There’s a Celebi in this episode...you know what that means. Back to the past! While Ash was training with his Pokémon for the Alola League, a Celebi stumbles upon them and transport Ash & Torracat to the same place where they were at, but only many years ago. They meet this little kid that had Litten with him and it was clearly obvious that his was younger Kukui and his (The Masked Royal’s) Incineroar who hasn’t evolved yet. However, Ash still had no idea he was in the past and treated little Kukui like any other kid he’d meet traveling. The two bond throughout the episode with their similar attitude when it comes to battling, and Ash gladly guided the little kid on executing Z-moves with their Pokémon. The two even worked together assisting a Totem Trevenant in sheltering all the nearby Pokémon as a rainstorm approaches. Thanks to the good heart of Ash helping out everyone, he receives his own Firium Z from the same Trevenant that gave Kukui his Firium Z. He eventually gets back to his timeline where it seemed to have an effect on the present day Kukui. If it wasn’t for that meeting, maybe the professor would’ve had his vision of forming an Alola Pokémon League if it wasn’t for that mysterious older boy he met with his Torracat. A Pokémon time paradox? Maybe...but what I loved about this story is that it repeats itself for the next episode but from the perspectives of Ash’s Pokémon that were left behind in hopes of finding their trainer. Really reminds me of that time Pokémon got separated from their trainers during S.S. Anne arc in the original series, only difference is that the perspectives of the trainers and Pokémon were happening at the same time. But you gotta love a pure whacky Pokémon adventure! Pretty much like a Pikachu short you see before movies.

JULY - Let the League begin!

The moment everyone has been waiting for...the Alola League has officially begun! With everyone prepared to unleash their Z-Power, it’s time for the qualifying round to start. Unlike previous Leagues, this starts off with a free-for-all Battle Royal with a total of 151 competitors but only 16 will advance to the next round. Most of the trainers in this League are recognizable characters if you have watched Sun & Moon in its entirety up to this point. From Mina to Kahili to Acerola to the entire Team Skull gang to Hiroki and even Pikala, every Alola character is here! While all the Island Kahunas serves as the officials for the event. It was fun way to kick-off a 4-month long League arc and they couldn’t have it done any other way. The top 16 has been decided and it gave us good match-ups to follow in the next couple of episodes such as, Mallow vs. Lana, a childhood friend clash which also tests Mallow’s courage in battling. Our favorite Team Rocket duo in disguise facing off against one another (can’t remember when was the last time we saw that). A sibling battle and a trial on how far Lillie has gone as a Pokémon trainer facing off against her strong big brother, Gladion. And of course, the friendly birby rematch between Ash and Hau. The line-up of matches is stacked! I could not remember how hyped I was for this long-awaited League arc. Some battles might’ve been short and quick, but every participant mattered! How can you not love the Sun & Moon series?

AUGUST - The Alola Final Four

And then, there were four. In the semi-finals bracket, we first have Gladion facing off against Kiawe who defeated Acerola and bested a friend in Sophocles. He’s pretty much the dark horse in this, but he’s been working hard all series with his battling to get to this point. As Lillie and Mimo (Hoshi) cheer on their big brothers, it was Gladion who got the upper hand and the two exchange in a very meaningful handshake of sportsmanship. Meanwhile on the other side of the semi-finals, Guzma, who blasted through Ilima and Lana, getting his rematch with Ash seeking for retribution after his soft defeat the last time they faced off. It was a clash of personalities as the Team Skull boss vows to get to Kukui by destroying someone who resembles him in Ash and get a big W for his fellow Team Skull outcasts. This battle was more than just advancing through the semi-finals but also the integrity of what the League will become if Guzma is successful in his ploy. Guzma was very aggressive during this match to the point of even scolding his Golisopod. But when you mad, you don’t focus well and that became Guzma’s downfall eventually resulting in his defeat against Ash who battled with his heart. Guzma had to learn the hard way, maybe softened his mindset a bit, but even after losing Plumeria and the rest of the grunts still want to be by his side improving their own skills in battle to be like their fearless leader. You never see a heartwarming ending for a “villainous” team in Pokémon before, but I think Team Skull had their own happy ending.

SEPTEMBER - The “Curse” is finally broken

Ash vs. Gladion. Here we go, the League finals to determine the inaugural champion of Alola. I mean I already made solo-post last September about how BIG this episode/moment was for our capped hero. Their rivalry has been amazing from the get-go. From their first meeting at the beach by Kukui’s place with a feisty Rockruff that wanted to battle, to the Manalo Stadium battling for a prestigious championship title with Ash’s Lycanroc fully controlled over its rage with dirt. It wasn’t a full battle, but 3-on-3 showdown served us one heck of battle! It may not be considered the best by many, but it was still an amazing and fun bout between two trainers who promised each other to meet in the finals of the big stage. The laugh they shared, the flashbacks that was shown to us (with the awesome Type: Wild! music playing in the background), and the storytelling of who wants it more makes you get to the edge of your seat, cheering for Ash to finally win a major Pokémon League. Ash’s newly evolved Melmetal showcased it’s new strength but still wasn’t able to beat Gladion’s Silvally. Then, when Zoroark and Pikachu knocked each other out, it was the 1v1 Lycanroc battle that really put this friendly and competitive rivalry full circle.

Ash has NEVER defeated Gladion...until this moment. He’s been training for this, and it finally paid off. The two Lycanroc’s took no prisoners and went back and forth with one another. In the final blow of that match, Gladion’s Lycanroc used Counter against Ash’s Lycanroc that was charging towards it, but then our big brained hero fights back with their own Counter attack. Never have I heard of Countering a Counter in the Pokémon universe, but using it in this one moment nobody expects, it was the HYPEST way to swerve fans from almost losing the match but ultimately gave an epic counterattack that would knock out Gladion’s Lycanroc. And for the first time since the Orange League, Ash is a Champion. Only this time it is a way bigger deal! Mostly because this is a game-based series which has more meaning when it comes to the Pokémon League.

Old fans, new fans, and casual viewers a like were buzzing within 24 hours after this episode released in Japan that caught mainstream media attention. People who have never seen a Pokémon anime episode in their life (or a subbed episode for that matter) past the original series, wanted to see how this episode went down to see a childhood hero achieve a major trophy. This is how big of a pop-culture icon Ash & Pikachu was among many generations of fans since the show’s launch internationally. This was truly THE PokéAni moment of 2019. Again, big congratulations to our Alola Champion, Ash Ketchum/Satoshi! Too bad Guzzlord had to ruin the closing ceremony afterparty...

OCTOBER - A fiery full final battle

So after becoming Alola Champion, sending three Guzzlords back to where they came from, reuniting with Poipole who evolved into a Naganadel, and The Masked Royal’s identity publicly revealed as Professor Kukui ALL IN THE SAME NIGHT! We finally get our exhibition match between Ash and The Masked Royal, who would like to go under his real identity. This is the final battle, and the promised reward the first Alola Champion gets. This is honestly also reward to the fans giving us one final hoorah for the Alola region with a full 6-on-6 Pokémon battle! I believe this is the only full battle we got to see in Alola and it was definitely worth the anticipation and surprise. Kukui had a lot of secret Pokémon up his sleeve that the viewers don’t know about (unless you get spoiled by freakin’ Oha Suta), and it is also the first and only official battle that Naganadel will be part of under Ash’s team. So the excitement levels of this fun 5-PART episode battle were off the roof! Kukui had amazing Pokémon that he kept a secret, but what I do want to focus in this spotlight is the showdown between Incineroar and Torracat. Just like with the Lycanroc duel, these two have similar stories with Torracat never being able to beat The Masked Royal/Kukui’s Incineroar. Ever since it was still a Litten, the desire to battle strong opponents still burns inside. As the two fiery cats clash in this epic battle, both sides have the same intensity when receiving and taking attacks.

As the battle worn out, both Kukui and Ash activated their Z-Rings together to use Inferno Overdrive against each other. After a gigantic explosion from the Z-move collision it was Torracat who was the last Pokémon standing finally beating its personal battle rival. After a victory screech, I was surprised as everyone seeing it fully evolve into Incineroar. Unfortunately, that evolution took a toll on the newly evolved Pokémon and is unable to continue further. Rest well big kitty, you beat who you wanted to beat and deserve a good rest.

As if that wasn’t epic enough, in the final phase of this full battle, Tapu Koko steps in and serves as Kukui’s last Pokémon and even granting both parties to be able to use Z-moves once again. Fast forward, Ash and Pikachu finally defeated their first opponent when they first set foot in the Alola region with the Z-Ring Tapo Koko gave them in the first place. It clearly now knows that Ash was a worthy holder of using Z-Power and a Champion that everyone can look up to. What a battle. What a series. Thank you Alola. Thank you Sun & Moon.

NOVEMBER - Pikachu Origins

Enter the next chapter. The new era of the Pokémon anime finally launched this in a very different way. The first episode basically serves as the prequel to the Pokémon anime series before Ash had set out on his quest to become a Pokémon Master. Long story short, we can Pikachu’s background story on how he came to be the loving mascot recognized everywhere on paper. I mean who would’ve thunk it? I just love the fact that we’re getting an origin story of how Ash’s Pikachu when it was still a wild Pichu. Although it wasn’t explained how Professor Oak ended up catching the little guy, Pikachu always had a good heart (you know despite rejecting Ash at first lol). The most adorable thing about this episode was the family bond Pichu temporarily shared with this little Kangaskhan family. The little guy was an outcast not really sure where to go or what to do except survive and find food. When that Kangaskhan picked him up as if it was one of its babies, and gained a new caring sibling in the process. It was a wholesome story of calling someone family even though there is no blood relation. Pichu was literally not their kind, but they still loved him as it was them!

Meanwhile, we get a little preview of our new characters from seeing their childhood and setting up the premise for them to cross paths with Ash in the future. The newest protagonist, Go, was a little know-it-all about Pokémon, and he sure bragged a lot of his knowledge on it during one of Professor Oak’s camp (in which Ash failed to wake up for). Along with his worrisome friend, Koharu, they spotted a Mew while going off course in Oak’s tour around their campsite. It would also be the saving grace of the lost baby Kangaskhan who accidentally fell off a cliff after attempting to play with the Mew. After seeing Mew’s psychic abilities, it was clear for Go that he needed to catch Mew one day. This is the initial goal that Go wanted to set out for when he’s old enough.

After the incident with his Kangaskhan sibling, Pichu had to re-think if he wants to continue being a part of a pack that he doesn’t even properly belong it in the first place. When the herd of Kangaskhan took shelter in cave during heavy rain, Pichu had to make a tough decision and leave his foster family behind while they were asleep because he knew that the mother Kangaskhan would not let go of someone who it sees as a child of her own. Pichu knew that was the only way, but despite his sad decision he was grateful for the happiness they provided for a lone wolf Pokémon that wandered in the wild looking belong somewhere. It was that same happiness that gave Pichu the strength to evolve to the Pikachu we all know today, and found a forever home with a certain tardy boy a couple of years later that they both formed an inseparable friendship.

DECEMBER - The Great Gigantamax in Galar

Of course, you can’t have a new series without showing off a new region?! As our “research fellows” Ash & Go continue their exploration in the Galar region learning more about the Dynamax phenomenon that causes Pokémon to grow bigger in size, they are about to be in for one gigantic dilemma. They had some trouble when they met a bunch of trickster Pokémon in those Nickit and a dirty Scorbunny trying to steal their food, but that wasn’t the last they saw of that Scorbunny. When they took the train to explore the Wild Area, Scorbunny secretly tagged along in hopes to be partners with Go after feeling a connection with the trainer during their first encounter. After MANY attempts of trying get Go’s attention, he finally notices Scorbunny after it kicks a rock to knock down fruit on top of a Snorlax they were observing (that hits Ash’s head first oof). Scorbunny attempts to get caught by Go, but he declined due to his vow for Mew to be his first catch. After the sad rejection, red lights then start to surround the Snorlax that ended up Dynamaxing it to Gigantamax Snorlax! This caused a big road blockage that affects a train line in that area. Ash, Pikachu, Go and Scorbunny decide to team up and move the Snorlax before the next train comes by to avoid a disaster from happening. Ash and Pikachu were able to cut down a big fruit from the Gigantamax Snorlax’s body and pass it on to Go and Scorbunny to make sure he jumps (just like earlier from Scorbunny’s accidental fruit pick) for that fruit in time for the train to pass by without anyone getting hurt. It was a tough task getting all the way up to the belly of beast, but thanks the Double Kick boost Scorbunny gave that big fruit, Snorlax not only moved in time for the next train to stop by, but return back to normal (big) size.

Unfortunately, Scorbunny was also swallowed in that big gulp, but it was a good thing that Snorlax didn’t munch it all the way. After the teamwork Go felt with Scorbunny during all that, he decides to modify his dream a bit and wants Scorbunny to now be his first Pokémon catch. Both are happy to be with one another, and we all know this was going to be the start of wonderful friendship. With this addition to the group, the main cast for the new anime series is now fully-set. Let the true adventures around the Pokémon world begin!

Some honorable mentions…

2019 for PokéAni marked an end of an era, but a start of a new one too! No doubt one of the most impactful years the show has had in the world since the XY&Z arc. Besides the historic Alola League, we also saw the continuation of Brock & Misty’s trip to Alola (not to mention Brock & Olivia’s adorkable interactions together), the class’ crash-course golf lessons with none other than Kahili! Ash catching a rare Meltan that appeared out of nowhere, The Sparkling Trio of Mallow, Lana & Lillie uniting as Alola DrinKyun (’Refreshing Trio: Alola Idols’ in the English dub), Ash challenging Ryuki’s Kantonian Gym, the high-speed Vikavolt race, Mallow’s vision in opening her Pokémon café, Matori’s unexpected visit to the Team Rocket base in Alola, and let’s not for get about the Ultra Guardians finishing up their final missions in capturing the remaining UBs: Pheromosa and Kartana. And honestly, after seeing all of Sun & Moon, can everyone just agree that Kukui is the BEST Pokémon professor?!

Of course, how can I not mention the final episode of Sun & Moon? In what was probably one of the most emotional farewell episodes in the anime’s history. If you don’t have bias from the original goodbye with Brock & Misty in Johto, this would probably be the best one. It was executed perfectly with Ash’s class figuring out what to do in the future with Ash himself not sure what to do moving forward. Naganadel had to return back to its homeworld, the Rockets had to say leave their Alola Pokémon with Bewear as she sends them off one final time, Nebby returns to see Ash one final time, and Lillie decides to search for her father away from Alola after brining Magearna to life. With everyone deciding what to do, Ash heads back home to explore the world (which transitions to the new series) leaving all his Alola Pokémon behind in Kukui’s lab, while Rotom Dex decides to work for the Aether Foundation. The boat scene with Lillie was a good touch on how her character evolved thanks to Ash’s help, and the departing airport scene with Kukui, Burnet, and Ash group hugging was touching. Even Ash teared up as he gets in the air leaving Alola as his friends and Pokémon he left behind wave goodbye. If that wasn’t a good send off for the Sun & Moon series, Mallow’s Shaymin finally achieved its Sky Forme (which have her mother’s eyes...could be a touching symbolism that she was always watching her ;_;) from a Gracidea flower before taking off, AND ON TOP OF THAT, the final shot of the series no less, we find out that Professor Burnet is pregnant. Never in the history of this anime has ever done that to a major character in the supporting cast. The Sun & Moon series continues to break ground as one of the best Pokémon series.

Other than that, we got the new series (which I still wish we had a proper sub-title for -_-) giving us a taste of what to expect in the new Generation VIII era. Our newly appointed research fellows, Ash & Go are at Professor Sakuragi’s Institute helping with his research along with Mimey and Koharu helping out with the household chores. Lugia brought these two together, and are now living under the same roof. And, can we talk about Mimey?! I’m so glad a classic character from this anime is being used as a permanent supporting character for this series. Not to mention that he battled alongside Ash in the Hoenn tournament and won! It’s also refreshing to see updated animation within Kanto where they’re home base is at, and I absolutely cannot wait for them to go back to other regions with this fresh new art style. With Go’s goal to catch every Pokémon there is for him to index, he’s bound to meet Mew again one day! He’s literally every Pokémon games’ protagonist and I’m glad we have a main character like him who actually focuses on catching them all. As for Ash, he’s still our Ash carving his own unique path on his continuing journey to become a Pokémon Master because it’s more than being the strongest trainer and more than just catching Pokémon. I’m going to take his word for it! I don’t know if you noticed, but Go kinda looks up to him a bit due to his experiences in battle. Just look how shy he was just wanting to be his friend. You just gotta love it when they make Ash this mentor-type friend especially now coming off a huge victory in the Alola League becoming a champion.

Overall, the Sun & Moon anime gave us a variety of different set of stories every week leading up to the anticipated Alola League. Everyone had a story to tell building up to the Alola League, and just look at the list of episodes we’ve had this year that went back and forth with characters that get a main focus other than Ash (or even Lillie). Most of these episodes I’m talking about are either development for a Pokémon in their team evolving, or a perfecting a Z-move with their respective Z-Crystals. This shows much the writers care about each main character gets enough screen-time before they’re ready to take on the League with Ash. If you are still thinking on whether or not to continue/finish watching the series if you haven’t yet, I would still recommend to please watch until the end! It’s a really fun ride to sit through it all in my humble opinion, unless you want to just bolt straight into the League episodes only caring about Ash’s story. You do you. As for the new series, it will definitely pick up the pace sooner or later with the initial episodes are setting up to lead into something bigger. If you aren’t hooked in yet, definitely be patient because I’m expecting a lot of good opportunities for them to pull off in this cross-region based format. Sure it isn’t based 100% on the latest games in the franchise Sword & Shield, but that’s what separates the anime and the games. The anime is doing its own thing with an original story, but I’m pretty sure they will mix-in some of the interesting storylines and feature important characters from Sword & Shield every time they revisit Galar because it’s the new region on the block. They should feature/market a lot of episodes from all the new content Galar has. So I would definitely still keep my eyes on the Pocket Monsters series 👀

And there you have it! This post as long as it already is, so I’ll stop here. If you’ve read everything I had to say (maybe a few typos here and there lol), then thank you for your time! Feel free share your own favorite PokéAni moment 2019 with a reblog or a reply if you choose to do so. Thanks so much for an amazing year, and it’s time for us to GO to 2020. More moments await for us, and maybe even some surprises we might see since Ash is returning to previous regions he already visited in the past. See everyone in 2020 for the first full year of the new ‘Pocket Monsters’ series. Let’s go (with Go heh) and have some fun! Yes, I think used the word ‘go’ here too many freakin’ times lol

Happy New Year to all my followers, and the rest of the Pokémon fandom!

If you haven’t seen these yet, and you are new to my blog, check out all the previous year-end PokéAni Rewinds I did in the past: 2016 | 2017 | 2018

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wigwurq · 4 years

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WIG REVIEW: DOLLY PARTON’S CHRISTMAS ON THE SQUARE

You guys. The movie event of the holiday season is finally here! We all know that Dolly Parton is the queen of everything but also specifically the queen of Christmas (I even did a presentation on this very subject back when movie theaters existed!!) and Dolly is only upping her Christmas output this year. Not only did she release A Holly Dolly Christmas (her first Christmas album in 30 years!) but also Dolly Parton’s Christmas on The Square which debuted November 22 on Netflix. If you like Christmas movies with just a little bit of Christmas and a lot of choreography, wigs, and of course DOLLY, this movie is for you! Let’s discuss.

First off, Dolly’s Christmas content exists on a whole other plane of reality so any review of it must also accept that this is completely divorced from real life/time/space/seasons/logic. If you found either Mamma Mia! film too grounded or verite, Dolly Christmas content is definitely for you. Also good and bad don’t exist in these movies either: JUST DOLLY.

Much like Dolly’s last (narrative) Christmas movie, Christmas of Many Colors: Circle of Love, I watched this with my 5yo daughter who had as many feelings about this as I did. Thus, we begin our journey on THE SQUARE which is not so much a town (or part of a town?) but a mood created on a film set populated by high kicking people outfitted entirely by J Crew. My daughter compared it to Cinderella 3 (her codename for the 1997 TV version of Cinderella) which similarly begins on a TV set square where too many people are doing choreography in preparation for a seasonal event. Note: also this movie was directed AND choreographed by none other than Debbie Effing Allen. SO.

In THE SQUARE, we are also introduced to Dolly herself, disguised as a homeless woman asking for change and most definitely greenscreened into the choreographed melee. Dolly does exist on an entirely different existential plane from the rest of us garbage people so she can greenscreen into whatever choreographed mess she likes!

We also meet Christine Baranski (praise be!) who plays a businesswoman who once lived in THE SQUARE but now has only returned to it RUIN EVERYTHING! Much like any businesswoman in a TV Christmas movie, she has no time for feelings, small towns, or lunch and has an assistant who feels the brunt of all her meanness. This character also relies on the convenient TV conceit that towns can be owned by one person, and she is that one person! And is gonna sell this town! She is basically The Grinch and Scrooge rolled into one and cares not for Christmas or real estate laws and has set out to evict the whole damn SQUARE (the town and the actual town square) on Christmas Eve!

This somehow also includes these FABULOUSLY COSTUMED holiday dogs in a wagon (which can definitely be rolled out of town...or anywhere.....) but whatever real estate laws and logic laws, Y’ALL ARE EVICTED, DOGS!!!!

I have said before that we should all be blessed enough to have Christine Baranski’s wig budget but I have to say - it ain’t as great here as it was in the Mamma Mia movies. Sure, it is better than about 99% of all TV wigs but it does have some texture and seam problems (look at that part!) which make it look far too unrealistic (because this movie IS SO REALISTIC). Clearly the wig budget in this movie went directly to Our Lady of Perpetual Wigs, Dolly.

And of course it did! Dolly demands only the best and finest wigs for her performance as ANGEL and I honestly cannot disagree with that! These wigs are MADE FOR AN ANGEL. Also when this part of the movie happened, my daughter confided in me that she’s always wanted to sit on a cloud (SAME, GIRL) but only Dolly can sit on clouds. Truly, Dolly is an angel in real life and maybe this movie actually is grounded in reality because I don’t even think Dolly required costuming or CGI effects. This is just how Dolly enters every room. ANGEL ELEGANZA!

In the context of the film, however, Dolly is all the ghosts of a Christmas Carol rolled into one angel, sent to show the evil Christine Baranski the real meaning of Christmas and not being a person who wants to evict an entire town.

She is aided by Christine Baranski’s put-upon assistant who is somehow an angel in training (a very realistic job title!!!!) I have to say that my very favorite parts of this movie are when Dolly shows up either in life or green screen just sitting on random furniture or appliances in Christine Baranski’s house in her pristinely white open toe heels with pantyhose underneath. THIS IS THE DREAM. Also her wigs are absolute perfection. Please take note, all wig budgets: GET YOURSELF A DOLLY WIG BUDGET OR NAH.

ALSO JENIFER LEWIS IS IN THIS!!! I think she plays a hairdresser and also Christine Baranski’s long lost best friend but mainly she plays my fashion, afro, and jewelry icon who I absolutely never want to be apart from ever. Much like Christine Baranski’s wig budget, may we all be blessed by Jenifer Lewis saying “it’s ok baby” to us at least once in our stupid lives.

Anyway, the attractive townspeople in J Crew literally have ONE DAY to pack up all of their earthly sweaters and find new sweater barns to inhabit and roll all their Christmas dogs away THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS but instead decide to just RESIST (whatever that means, amiright?) and form a calming circle (which is actually super not calm and involves a lot of choreography) and just try to will Christine Baranski to do the right thing somehow.

BUT CHRISTINE IS AT A LOCAL BAR WHICH LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE’S LIVING ROOM AND WHICH HAS A BARMAID WHO IS AN ACTUAL CHILD. God bless this beautiful mess of a movie and Christine Baranski’s wig budget which somehow got better or maybe it’s just the lighting. Anyway, Christine Baranski finds out some terrible truths from this alcohol swigging child and also they share beautiful harmonies in a duet which I couldn’t possibly hum for you ever again.

Also Treat Williams is in this!! He plays Christine Baranski’s old flame who she broke up with because she saw him with an engagement ring (FOR HER) near some lady at the most dodgy 70s disco nightmare in a school gym and decided to hook up with someone else and (!) have a secret baby which her dad made her give up! WHAT. Also, her dad had a lamp from THE SQUARE which now exists in Treat Williams’ olde curiosity shoppe and has a convenient bible in it which explains that her long-lost baby is now the preacher of THE SQUARE.

IF YOU ARE EVEN TRYING TO FOLLOW A PLOT AT THIS POINT I SALUTE YOU. Also much like everything Dolly touches, there is for sure a lot of Jesusy stuff here but the kind where black people and LGBTQ people go to the same church as the boring white people and everyone loves each other so fine?

ALSO THERE IS A TERRIBLE SUBPLOT INVOLVING THE NEAR DEATH OF THAT BARMAID CHILD! My daughter found it very triggering and I found it beyond the valley of unnecessary but this is also a movie in which Christine Baranski almost runs over her brain doctor with her car TWICE AND ALSO DID I MENTION CHRISTINE BARANSKI MIGHT HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR IN THIS MOVIE YES REALLY.

In the end, absolutely nothing involved in this ramshackle nonsense plot matters at all because everyone decides to make the right life decisions and also not die from brain tumor or injuries OR sell a town BUT ALSO become angels in whatever your definition of angel is! And I hope your definition is: DOLLY PARTON.

I AM EXHAUSTED BY MY LOVE FOR THIS MOVIE AND DOLLY PARTON.

Truly, nothing about this movie exists in reality but this year has been the most surreal year ever so I’m pretty sure this movie saved 2020? Or at least 2020′s Christmas.

VERDICT: WURQS

#DollyParton #ChristmasOnTheSquare #ChristineBaranski #WigBudgets #Wigwurq #TreatWilliams #JeniferLewis #Angels

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wellesleyunderground · 4 years

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Wellesley Underground Interview with Founders (Sara Hess ‘08 and Shavanna Calder ‘08) of Feminist Fashion & Beauty Magazine, MUJER!

Need a break from the politics? Dive into the making of Issue No.2 of MUJER! Magazine. Interview by Camylle Fleming ‘14.

1. Wellesley Underground (WU): Tell us about the origin of MUJER! Magazine and bring us up to speed on the November launch.

Sara Hess ‘08, Editor in Chief: MUJER! has been a long time coming for us. Ever since Shavanna and I were swapping clothes from each other’s closets when we were roommates at Wellesley, we’ve had an interest in fashion and over the years we’d often played around with the idea of doing a fashion related project together. MUJER! came about in late 2017 when I had reached a point of being really frustrated with fashion magazines (all of the ads and the Photoshop, the lack of any real content and focus on hyper consumption). I also was disappointed to see that several of the fashion bloggers I’d followed over the years and enjoyed for their authenticity were following the same route as they transitioned from blogs to Instagram and started posting highly stylized Photoshopped pics that were all sponsored and very phony. Finally, I had recently turned 30 and it then occurred to me that I was older than nearly all the models I saw in the major fashion publications, which is insane when you think about it. I told Shavanna what I was thinking of doing-- a feminist fashion and beauty mag, all models 25+, no Photoshop on their faces or bodies, more racial and ethnic diversity, a focus on more sustainable production and consumption and no ads. Shavanna is an amazing stylist and has a great eye for design so I was super excited when she agreed to be creative director. I was living between Mexico City and New York at the time. I had developed some contacts in the fashion industry in Mexico and really admired the fashion scene there, which is one of the reasons we went with the name MUJER! It took us about 6-7 months to produce the content for the first print edition which was published in September 2018.

2.WU: How did fashion and beauty become sites of contestation and rebellion for you two?

Sara: I grew up in a small town in rural Pennsylvania and was constantly getting in trouble for breaking the dress code at my public school. It’s ironic because I was definitely a major nerd-- not your typical rebel. In junior high, I was really upset to find out I had not been accepted to the National Junior Honor Society. I asked one of my teachers why and he told me that it was because the shorts that I wore to school were often too short. Honestly, it was not my intention to be risque. I was just awkwardly going through puberty and had legs that were too long for my body and it was impossible to find shorts that were long enough and didn’t look dorky. After that, I went through a punk rocker phase, where again clothing is a form of rebellion. I was totally into the early Gwen Stefani punk looks. I would get picked on a lot by classmates but then a few months later everyone would be wearing what I had been wearing before, which would be my cue to change styles because I never wanted to look like everyone else. For me, it became a way to stand out and to push back against conservative influences.

Shavanna Calder ‘08, Creative Director: I can’t say that I’ve thought of fashion for most of my life as a site of rebellion. I just wore what I liked and (especially as a kid) what was on trend.

I had hip surgery 5 years ago and have struggled to be able to wear heels after that. In some ways that forced me to rethink how to dress for formal situations (without heels). Though I am working towards wearing heels again through physical therapy (my profession requires it), I’ve found a certain level of pride in showing other women that we can still look dressed up/professional etc. without wearing heels. Also embracing flatforms has been fun!

I think beauty, more so, has always been a site of contestation and rebellion for me as a Black woman. Growing up and having hair that was different than most of my friends. Makeup and hair supplies that we had to drive an extra distance for. Reading different magazines than my friends because teen vogue (at that time), seventeen etc never catered to me (thank God for Essence). Now, being natural, my hair oftentimes is a point of rebellion/contestation as I educate and ask for the things that I need as a Black artist instead of accepting the burden of sitting in silence.

Founders Shavanna + Sara (above)

3. WU: On social media, you’ve discussed the initiative of “showing women as they actually exist in the world”. Can you describe some of the images you two grew up with and how they are in conversation with MUJER!

Shavanna: In some ways growing up when I did, I feel like I did get to see images of women (more often) without photoshop and a ton of contouring etc because that just wasn’t on trend. It’s one thing I miss about the early 2000’s. That being said, the rest of the content oftentimes centered around ways to get men, look flirty etc etc. For us I think “showing women as they actually exist in the world” goes beyond imaging to the content of the magazine (the stories and issues that are discussed) as well as the lack of harmful ads encouraging women to alter their bodies by buying certain products etc. We are able to highlight a diverse group of female identifying folx and the complexity of us instead of the monolith that I often see portrayed.

4. WU: What are the ways in which your Mexico City base contributes to the core principles of MUJER!

Sara: Mexico City is just my heart and soul. I don’t know how else to describe it. It makes me turn to mush as though I’m talking about someone I’m in love with. The creative and design scene here is out of this world funky and unique and I really feel that I can wear anything going out here at night. People are elegant and cool and put a great deal of thought into how they present themselves. The fashion scene is authentic and fun and nowhere near as pretentious as it is in other parts of the world. We try to reflect this creativity and sincerity in MUJER! as well.

Shavanna: Additionally I’ll say that people have really embraced us there. There is an openness, flexibility and sense of collaboration that has made it super easy to throw any ideas we have out there and run with it (more than I’ve seen in other parts of the world).

5. WU: For those of us who are new to publication production, can you walk us through the steps of creating content, finding models, artwork, all without the filler of advertisements?

Sara: We are also new to magazine production, ha! We started by basically bringing together people we knew from the fashion world here in Mexico City. I have a dear friend, Jenny. She’s a stylist from Sweden and was working on the sets of reality shows here so she kind of kicked me into gear to do the first beauty shoot. She had a lot of experience doing shoots so she helped me get a great photographer and scout a location and models. We’ve really been blessed with meeting all of the right people at the right moment. We found a wonderful lead graphic designer, Celina Arrazola who happened to know the neighborhood where all the printers are and was an expert in hand binding books. Advertisements were never an option so we self-finance the production, which was and is intense.

Shavanna: Yes, as Sara mentioned we’re incredibly new to this and are (honestly) still figuring a lot out as we go. However, generally we come up with ideas/stories together that excite us, that we haven’t seen in other fashion magazines. We then reach out to female identifying folx to help us realize these ideas (because we want to support female entrepreneurs as well). The hardest part will be figuring out how to make it sustainable (and take the more of the financial burden off of Sara) and we’re in the process of sorting that out the best way we can!

5a. WU: Okay, same question. Add COVID, go:

Sara: Now, because of COVID, our plans to do another print edition were derailed so we decided to do a digital edition-- everyone featured sent in their own photos and instead of printing we created a PDF version of the magazine, with Celina’s excellent graphic design of course.

It essentially made printing the way we did with the first edition impossible. That was a very manual process that involved visiting the printer in person multiple times and Celina handbound the magazine, with me struggling to be useful to her by folding the pages. This time we went all digital.

Shavanna: In addition we had to become creative since we could no longer conduct shoots or interviews in person. Everything was done via email (except for Sultana’s shoot which happened pre-COVID). All other photos were submitted by the women in the issue. Whilst I missed many aspects of being in person, in some ways the challenge allowed us to lean in to our mission of showing women as we truly are. It also allowed for us to have a remote intern via Wellesley which was awesome!

6. WU: How do you want to grapple with the plurality of feminism(s) in the pages of the magazine?

Shavanna: By being truly intentional about seeking out diverse voices. By celebrating those voices and by taking our readers feedback to heart. Outside of the folx who are interviewed or featured in our magazine we attempt to employ women in the creation of the physical product as well (design, photography etc). The end result is something that has been touched by women from various parts of the world and from different walks of life.

7. WU: Can you share the story of how the magazine gained its title? How do you respond to any pushback and claims of appropriation from Latinx individuals for your usage of the word “Mujer”?

Sara: For starters, we were founded in Mexico City and at least half of our readers are native Spanish speakers. The publication, like many of its readers, is also bilingual. For the interviews and articles that are originally done in Spanish, we leave them in Spanish, only translating key quotes into English and vice versa for pieces that are originally in English. The title is also a global call to women that goes beyond the English-language paradigm.

8.WU: The fashion and beauty industry can carry both an air of superficiality and apoliticism. Tell us what people get wrong about the experience of working within it.

Sara: I think this is hard for us to get into because we are not really working in the fashion and beauty industry-- we are working parallel to it and trying to pick the piece we enjoy while also creating something new and different for women that makes them feel empowered, not inadequate.

Shavanna: Yes neither Sara nor I really work within the industry (nor have we prior to the magazine). I’ve worked as a stylist from time to time, but that’s about it. For the most part we’ve been consumers who were unhappy with what we were consuming and figured we could do something about it.

9. WU: In an effort to not over-glorify the value of success and “making it”, let’s talk about failure. Can you share with our readers what went wrong in the process of producing MUJER!?

Sara: Before our Chilanga shoot, Shavanna and I got horrible food poisoning. Like, nearly had to go to the hospital.

Shavanna: Yes we were living on pepto bismol and had just started eating plain bread and pasta the day of our shoot, but we powered through! Honestly this magazine has felt like a contribution to society that we were meant to be a part of, so despite obstacles that have come up, we know that we can’t be sidetracked.

10. WU: How do you react to the “self-care” trend and it’s correlation to the consumption of beauty products? Relatedly, how do you two take care of yourselves?

Sara: I’m an introvert who fakes being an extrovert, but I definitely know I need alone time so I try to make space for that. As of late, I try to use more natural/ organic beauty products and just less of everything period. Also sleep. Sleep is so important. Finally, I’ve decided I will deal with drama in my professional life because I feel like that’s where I’m making a contribution that’s important but I try to minimize drama in my personal life as much as possible.

Shavanna: I try to take care of myself by reminding myself that rest is ok and necessary (so hard). Practicing my faith/meditation. Asking for what I need. Going to therapy (physical and mental health). Exercising. Connecting with loved ones (friends and family). Being kind to myself.

11. WU: As a follower of your Insta page, I find myself lingering on your original posts, staring into the faces of the individuals you capture. It makes me realize how my brain has been trained to see the same faces featured in public spaces, so much so that they’ve become invisible. Can you share the favorite photos that you’ve captured and why they stand out to you?

Shavanna: My favorite photos are of Wellesley alumna Solonje Burnett. I’ve always admired Solonje’s fearlessness and creativity and I think we truly captured her essence in these. Though she is beautiful, the interview is about so much more and highlights her as the complex, multifaceted woman that she is (instead of just her beauty routine or what her house looks like).

12. WU: What does the day in the life of an Editor-in-Chief look like? How about a Creative Director?

Shavanna: We’re very collaborative. I don’t think we really have hard and fast rules as to who does what necessarily as much as it’s a partnership. One of us will propose an idea (in between juggling the rest of our lives) and we’ll discuss pros and cons and greenlight what works best and aligns with our values. We also just hold each other accountable. Right now there isn’t a typical day in the life as well just because we both have other jobs (though it would be amazing for Mujer! to continue to take off in a way that allowed us to devote more time to it).

13. WU: Both of you currently have worked with higher education institutions (Harvard + NYU). Can you tell us a bit about your “day jobs” and the types of opportunities they have afforded you in relation to the Magazine?

Sara: While I was working at HBS, I co-authored a case study on Monocle magazine which has helped to inform some of our thinking around the business model for MUJER!

Shavanna: I worked for almost 7 years at NYU, first at Stern and then within the Faculty of Arts & Science. In terms of opportunities? I’d say actually, for me, anyway the two aren’t related. My time at NYU influenced my acting career more so than Mujer! by giving me some flexibility and certainly financial stability.

14. WU: Lastly - a question you ask your features in the upcoming digital issue: how have you been gentle with yourself during this time?

Sara: Uff, I have been eating a lot of ice cream and taking breaks when I need to. I turned off the New York Times news alerts on my phone. I still read the news everyday but this has helped a lot.

Shavanna: Uff indeed. Hm sometimes I remind myself that the fact that I’m functioning is enough. This quote from Audre Lorde has been getting me through: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

Working out and going for walks, journaling, therapy, being in touch with my spirituality, limiting myself on social media (or at least certain groups or accounts), listening to my body in terms of what it wants (whether that be food or change of environment). Talking to friends when I have the energy always brightens my day and constantly reminding myself to take things one moment/day at a time. This is all incredibly hard and I’m grateful to those who have been gentle with me when I struggle to be gentle with myself.

Check out the MUJER! Covid-19 digital issue here: https://www.mujerrev.com/mujer-sale Given the increase in domestic violence and gender based violence around the world during the pandemic, a portion of the proceeds from the issue will go to two organizations helping womxn that are survivors of domestic abuse and human trafficking: Women of Color Network - Blue Lips Campaign and El Pozo de Vida.

MUJER! Homepage: https://www.mujerrev.com/ MUJER! Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mujerrev/

#wellesleyunderground #wellesley college #mujermagazine #fashion #beauty

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sarcastic-pasta-games · 5 years

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Update on Glitch/the process

The directorial team chatted a lot today about it and I wanted to tell you all a bit.

As you know, this game’s been in development since November 2017. I actually went back and looked at our original proposal for Glitch and almost none of it remotely resembles what Glitch looks like today.

Literally the only things we’ve managed to retain is the presence of the egos. Even then, their role in the game shifted significantly.

So you have to remember that most of 2018 was us reworking the story when it wasn’t working for us. It was us dealing with lots of setbacks as people were quitting or not getting along. It was us wondering whether this game was worth salvaging. It was an 8 (or so) month process just to get the story into a place that works. Throughout development, I (Katie) have lost friends (and the dog I’d had for over 12 years), gone through huge life changes, and got Jack’s personal feedback on the first game, so that helped us rework a few elements.

More under the cut because this post is getting long:

In short, as amazing as the development has been, it’s also been emotionally taxing. There have been days where I was in tears on the fan or dev server saying I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t figure this out and maybe I wasn’t creative enough or smart enough to make it work. There were days when Glitch felt like dead weight, an obligation rather than something I was excited about.

If I could go back and change things, I would. I would have used my time with some of the developers who have moved on so much more wisely. I wouldn’t have stressed so much, because it wasn’t until I stopped stressing that the story started to come together. I would have been more communicative and open with the team, as I’m trying to be now. And there are projects I took on and things I did and mentalities I had that I would take back if I could. To any and all I may have hurt or otherwise came off as not caring about, I am truly and deeply sorry.

But maybe it’s good that all this went so wrong because I guess you could say it was trial by fire. Not only have I grown and changed as a person, I watched other people grow and change as well. A lot of those changes are reflected in Glitch’s subject matter. In fact, I don’t think Glitch would be the game it is without the hardships we went through. Like the painful situations that brought The BOSS to fruition, Glitch needed its own situations to become what it is.

The writing definitely reflects that. Almost all of it was rewritten this year, most of the maps were redone, and the story was changed and molded into something that honestly gets better and better the more we fine tune it. It wasn’t until I was explaining in detail what the story was about to one of our artists, who had been on a really long hiatus, that I realized how interconnected and complex it was.

A lot of things we talked about in early development no longer apply to Glitch. If you have a specific memory of something we said only for it not to be in Glitch, that’s probably why. Trust us: Glitch is so much better now than it was then.

If I’ve learned one thing from making Glitch, it’s that time really is a powerful thing. Time to rest, time to work on other things, time with friends, time to think about the game, all of that was needed and I didn’t take that time until I had burned myself out completely and let go of a lot of previous wrongs. I learned that with enough determination and patience and time and support, I can do anything. My team can do anything.

We’re 12 days from release. We’re to a point in development where we probably will finish a little early. I can’t believe we’re finally to this point after everything we’ve gone through for this game.

At this point, whether Jack plays it or not doesn’t matter to us. Of course we’d love for him to see it! It’s far less emotionally personal than The BOSS or TBIN because I intentionally made the focus more generalized.

So what’s different about Glitch? The truth is, it’s not The BOSS. It doesn’t try to be The BOSS. Its tone, atmosphere, and writing are not so far removed from The BOSS that it doesn’t feel like it fits in the story but they are also very different. I was telling Sushi today that the humor feels a little bit more dry and sarcastic than The BOSS, though I will say that there are definitely puns and goofy jokes as well, and enough that it really does feel like it was written by the same people!

Because of how much we changed as developers, the characters have grown a lot with us. So if they act a bit different than you remember, well, people change. That’s just a fact of life. The games heavily featured will not be Night in the Woods or Undertale (though both are referenced) but there are other games that have much bigger roles in the story that weren’t on the channel when The BOSS was released.

I’m just one person speaking from the standpoint of having worked on this game for a long time, but I think Glitch in the System is objectively superior to The BOSS in almost every way. The art is nicer, the writing is cleverer, the characters are more fleshed out, the themes and arcs of the story are more integrated, the story itself is far more solid. It’s the kind of game I never thought was possible when I started out. And this is just chapter 1. I can’t wait to make the later chapters because I can tell they’ll be even stronger with your support and anticipation.

You all have been the biggest blessings. I’ve loved talking to you and getting to know you. I read every single sweet comment you leave and even if I can’t respond to all of them, they make me smile. Thank you for being here for us. We can’t wait to show you what’s in store.

#glitch in the system #jacksepticeye #updates #sarcastic pasta games #long post

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priceofwarmclothes · 4 years

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As many of you are already saying goodbye to 2019 and welcoming in 2020, it’s time for Nikki’s annual love fest, aka: my end of year follow forever.

This year marks a full decade that I’ve been on tumblr (November 2019 was my ten year anniversary!). This year was a rollercoaster, but it brought so many new people into my life that I am SO happy to be bringing with me into the new year. Thank you to everyone who has made my experience on this site something worth sticking around for ♥️

Now, just a little bit of love for some of my favorite people on this site (and on this earth)...

Heatherboo

@kekela717 ♥️ The Sana to my Noora, the Cristina to my Meredith, the Maria to my Liz — there is no better complement in the world than you. Thank you for being my forever reminder that fandom is the family you create with it, and for always making it easier to love myself because I know how easy it is for you. I love you in every universe our souls have met.

Leahbee

@soundoftherain ♥️ I always call you my better half and that never feels like an understatement. You are the most incredible person I have ever known, truly my soulmate in every sense of the word. I love you with every atom in my body and I cannot wait to give you the world’s biggest hug in February. We’ll get to celebrate bringing in a new year together in person soon, I promise x

sweet Chasing

@chasingshhadows ♥️ I cannot hardly wrap my mind around the fact that I only “met” you a few short months ago. Never before have I been so happy to make a subtly shippy gifset that brought you into my life. Thank you for being a bright spot in my life always, from your comforting messages to the pictures of your kitties, to just knowing you’ll always get it whenever I need to talk about something. You’re something special, to me and in this world. I love you so much.

Amanda darlin’

@bisexualalienblast ♥️ My life feels emptier when you’re not around; there’s a big giant Amanda-shaped hole in my heart. But then I remember you’re out there, being your beautiful self for all the world to see, and everything feels right again. Thank you for always being kind to me and giving me a place to belong. Without you, @goodvibesinroswell would never have happened. You gave me the courage and I’ll be forever grateful. Love you, cupcake.

Lucie angel

@lsobelevans ♥️ mon ange, how I adore you. Your talent is only surpassed by your giant heart, I hope you know. Talking to you always makes me feel the warmest, fuzziest feelings. You’re like a warm cup of hot cocoa in human form, just full cosy vibes 24/7. I always feel better after talking to you, I hope I can give you back even a fraction of that.

Livmonster

@driftcombatible ♥️ I miss you always. I hope that 2020 is your best year yet and you achieve everything you put your mind to. You’ll forever be one of those people that I met and changed my life, I hope you know that. I know you hate feelings and getting sappy, so just know this — thank you for putting up with me when you didn’t have to. It didn’t go unnoticed.

Mariahlove

@bethxchilds ♥️ You might not see this but I couldn’t leave one of my most important people off this list, just in case you happen to log into tumblr at some point in 2020. I love you and you are capable of more than you know. Please know that you’re always on my mind and I adore you more than I can ever say.

Katiebug

@universallongings ♥️ This year marks an entire decade that my life has been blessed by you and I cannot imagine my world without you. I hope I never have to, and the universe lets me keep you for as long as possible. I love you, Katiebug. I know you’re a queen and a warrior, who will conquer 2020 :)

Shaunabird

@some-mad-lunge ♥️ my birdie, I love you so much. You are so unbelievably kind, the world needs more people like you. You fight the bad feelings the same way I do, by trying to overwhelm them with love and positive feelings. It’s admirable and I hope you never lose that. May 2020 be as kind to you as you are to the world.

Christi dear

@christchex ♥️ I’m so incredibly grateful that I met you this year. I know we’re newer friends but I hope to get to know you even more next year and learn even more things about you that I just know I will love. I’ll never be over the fic you wrote me this month, I genuinely must reread it a few times every week. It’s absolutely perfect, you captured everything that makes me happy - - the same way that talking to you does.

Samlove

@kylesliz ♥️ my baby girl, may we never part ways no matter how many fandoms with unlikable faves we encounter. I’m so glad the universe let me keep you after you stumbled into my life so many years ago. You’re my sunshine girl, forever and ever. Thank you for being the brightest babe in my galaxy x

Laurenbabe

@laurenkmyers ♥️ guhhh, I just love you a lot, okay? Every single time we talk is my favorite time. Every time I glance at the clock and it’s 21:21, it feels like the universe is giving me a little reminder that you are out there being your wonderful self and it makes my heart smile. Always remember: du er ikke alene.

Nadineee

@malicat ♥️ Thank you for being a constant in my life all these years. I never tell you enough how much I appreciate knowing that if no one else in my life is watching a given show, at least you probably are (at least half the time, haha). Your warmth and kindness you’ve given me over the years is something I hope to keep forever, ilu xo

Aileen

@acomebackstory ♥️ I know that you don’t always feel like you have a place, but I hope you know that you will always have a place with me. I hope 2020 is kind to you, and that you find peace where you can. These good vibes are for you :)

Soph

@dingletragedy ♥️ Soph! Your little messages to me throughout the year have put a giant smile on my face every single time. Seeing all you’ve accomplished in 2019 has only made me more excited for what adventures you’ll go on this coming year. Thank you for always brightening my life with your sunshine.

new pals in 2019, can’t wait to get to know better in 2020

aka: you’ve been saved from my love fest for now, watch out next year ;)

@itslizortecho @jumbled-nonsense @lesbiennesdangereuses @manesguerin @ohstarlings @soberqueerinthewild

darlings that I will love in every universe

aka: y’all bitches love skam as much as me, buckle up for skamfr!

@beejohnlocked @capseycartwright @littlelooneyluna

forever babes (even tho I mostly lurk in the fandom now)

aka: robron is still in my heart but not as much as you darlings

@aarobron @benthighway @callumsmitchells @kayceecruz @maxbowdens @robertisbisexual @rcbertsugden @rollynchs @thisissirius @wycombewanderer

angels who have been in my life & my heart for years

aka: the mutuals who never unfollowed even tho we’ve fandom hopped

@joshdundun @oscarrbait @pretendtofly @ravenclawwit @watchp0int

Happy New Years, everyone. I love you all ♥️

#shut up nikki #follow forever #happy new year babes #thanks for putting up with my sappy ass in 2019 #see you in 2020 x #long post #rl otp: boo and doll #rl otp: hartebeest #rl otp: positively darlin'#rl otp: team hanna #rl otp: sestra #rl otp: pocket slytherin #rl otp: soundtrack of my life #the birdie to my kitty ♥️#lucie is a darling xox

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make-it-mavis · 4 years

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Warm Blooded

TURBUG AU 7420 words Characters: Make-it Mavis, Cybug-Turbo (my redesigned version) Content Warnings: Mild blood

Premise: Turbo lost his memory and most of his mind in the cybug transformation, and Mavis has been working tirelessly to bring it back. Taking a chance, she tries something new to jog his memory, but things don’t quite go as planned.

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The tunneling caverns under Sugar Rush were cold.

Not as cold as the Sundae Mountains, for sure, but the chill had just sharp enough teeth for Mavis to shiver where she curled. The sleeves of her smock were not as long as they once were, having been torn away in fierce encounters. What little bedding she had managed to save after being overthrown was meant for a warmer climate: A roll and light blanket, what she used to sleep on in the circus tents when she could not spend the night in the royal chambers with her royal partner. The king had been so invitingly warm without fail, and just the memory deepened the cold until it reached right into her yearning heart. Her mind relentlessly conjured up images of him lying against her on the hard butterscotch brittle earth. Although she had very little left to lose, she would have given it all just to have him there with her.

But, technically, he was.

A safe distance away, Turbo lightly slept. She had been watching him from where she lay for some time. The light may have been dim, provided only from a tight fissure in the roof of the tunnel, but she could see him perfectly. Him, and his massive size. His numerous legs. The long tendrils of his tail. The giant T-shaped horn. His long body curled around itself peacefully, as if he had never been anything but a giant insect.

Yes, he was there. It just did not quite feel that way. Not just yet. But she was not about to give up. She knew he was in there, and she would draw him out by any means necessary. There were just some nights where the grief of losing her old way of life would grip onto her and squeeze until it hurt. Oft times, this grief was what drove her to keep taming him. But she could only long for the old days so much. Even if she got him talking again, even if his memories returned, nothing would ever really be the same. Not in the way she wanted. Her heart would only continue to break if she did not learn to embrace reality.

Turbo was there. He would just never be her size again. Never be small enough to wrap her arms around. Never have a mouth small enough to kiss. Nevermind sleeping with him, which had to be physically impossible. None of this was ideal. But through it all, she had to remember to count her blessings.

He was alive. He was learning. He was improving. He was not a tragedy, he was a miracle.

So, she knew there was only one thing to do with her grief, no matter how hard it was. She had to go spend some time with him and remember that she was not truly alone, and that was wonderful.

Mavis pushed herself to her feet, sore from a day's worth of running around with her bug friend. Even with the blanket draped tightly around her shoulders, leaving the body heat she had amassed in her bed was harsh. Just another reason to be close to the heated cyborg creature.

She set her eyes on what might as well have been her husband, and she slowly crossed the tunnel to him. She did not bother to sneak, for his senses were too sharp, and just as well, she wanted to avoid all chance of startling him.

Thankfully, his great yellow eyes opened while she was still a modest distance away. She paused, searching his face. Turbo had not quite remembered normal facial expression yet, but Mavis was getting good at reading him anyway. His lids were not open wide enough to show his whole red, slit pupils, and he had not lifted his head from where it rested on his crossed, rake-like hands. Both were good signs, both signaled that he was calm and not threatened.

But she did not forget her manners. Even if she was the one teaching him, while she was in his space, he was definitely in charge. She could not let him believe she was challenging that. Turbo had enough power issues before he was a 40 ft. long monster with a throat full of saw blades.

So she crouched there in his sights, averting her gaze in a submissive display. Docile as he may have been that night, she still heard the quiet whir of his mechanical neck extending the short distance so he could check her out. She closed her eyes and felt the glowing proximity of his head, which was easily bigger than her, even without the horn. He sniffed her all over, which felt like hot, repetitive blasts from a hair dryer. Once he had deemed her fit to proceed, a nudge from his nose tipped her gently back onto her butt. When she opened her eyes, she saw him withdrawing his head to rest it right back where it had been before.

Mavis licked her dry lips. "Hi, T," she said lowly, smiling through her melancholy.

Turbo merely gave a brief, beastly chuff.

Taking that as another good sign, she rose to her feet and slowly approached until she stood just short of his tail that curled around him and its two long whiskers that twitched sensitively at her proximity. If she stepped over, she would officially be breaching the coiled circle that he had made of himself. And although he had given nothing but relaxed body language, she had trained enough dangerous animals in the circus to know to never push it. And he was, without a doubt, the most dangerous of all -- she had the scarred face and milky, blind eye to prove it.

So she looked at his face, reading just a hint of curiosity in his slightly widened eyes.

"I'm really cold," she told him. "Will you let me in and quit hoggin' all that body heat?"

Turbo, unsurprisingly, made no verbal reply. But he did offer her a slow, relaxed blink, which was permission enough for her. Freezing, but unafraid, she stepped over his tail and entered into the circle.

Immediately, she could feel the air around her warming up. His entire body radiated heat like a furnace, almost giving the impression of shelter. It drew her in effortlessly. The fact that she was surrounded by one huge temperamental monster who had quite nearly killed her once before was a decently loud fact in her head, but she was so cold, and so lonely, and he was the only company she had. Risks be damned.

Finding a comfortable place to sit with him was often a challenge, but she was not picky that night, and crossed over to just past his shoulder. His burgundy shell would have sported a sugary purple shimmer if the sunlight touched it, but in the dark, it looked almost black. It stripped away whatever sort of familiar candy appearance native to Sugar Rush he still had, and left no doubt of the cybug code he carried. Ignoring the awful memories the sight brought up, Mavis carefully lifted her hand and laid it flat against his shell.

As always, he was hot. Just shy of burning. And his new, mashed-together hulking mess of code made her feel overwhelmingly small. But she still felt him somewhere in there, and that much was a comfort. It meant her efforts would be worth it one day.

The rest of her body erupted in goosebumps in envy of the heat on her hand, so she turned and rested her blanketed shoulder against him. Exhaustion and dreariness weighed her muscles down until she sank to the ground and found herself in some sad, uncomfortable attempt to cuddle close to what was left of her partner.

From inside his body, she heard the same old chilling tale of Turbo's strange fate. Clicking, whirring, scraping, hissing, the music of a synthetic creature that was coded to kill like clockwork. But still, somehow, she also heard the great rush of lungs filling and shrinking, the motion of which rocked her gently with his breathing. She wondered just how much of him was still organic, and how it was still functioning around the machinery. As cool and as intriguing as that concept may have once been, it was upsetting to think about when it came to him. What if he was in pain? How long could a creature like that live?

There was one sound, however, that put a bittersweet pang in her chest. His heartbeat. Somehow, it sounded the same, like an idle engine rumbling away. Only now, it seemed multiplied tenfold. Maybe Turbo really lived to see his heart become an engine for real. What a concept.

In the dark of the cavern, his warmth blunting the bite of her chill, and that familiar, soothing heartbeat rumbling at a near aggressive volume… she shook. Her head bowed in the same vicious grief she had been battling since that dark day in November, the grief over the loss of their old lives. Looking at herself in this vain attempt to chase what she lost brought her almost to the brink of tears. She had to be brave. More than anything, she had to be brave.

But Devs, life had turned so bizarrely painful.

Mavis was jostled out of her morose trance when the massive body she leaned against shifted slightly and emitted a deep grunt. Oddly enough, she had almost forgotten about him. She looked to see Turbo's head lifted a bit off his hands and pointing curiously at her. He was not angry, but he seemed confused, bordering on uncomfortable. Their new relationship had not exactly crossed into regularly snuggling territory just yet.

But there was an easy way to help it along. To help herself along in the effort to enjoy the new normal.

Just talking to him.

Feebly, she smiled at his huge, questioning face. "I'm not used to sleeping anywhere so cold anymore," she told him calmly. "Not since the old, old days, before you n' I were even a thing. Then I got spoiled from sleeping with you. And, I mean, the castle was warm, and the circus was warm… but you were like my own personal heater. I guess you graduated into a furnace, huh?"

Turbo did not emote. He did not even blink. But that was not necessarily bad.

Her smile grew a bit more genuine. "You used to make fun of me, y'know. I get cold at a slight breeze. It probably has somethin' to do with my sparse code, but you'd pull the race card and say I was a warm-blooded human. Y'know, whereas you were hot-blooded. Demon, and all. You'd brag about how you'd never get cold, just one of the many weird things you bragged about. Then I'd tell you that not everyone had a space heater for a heart, and you'd call me racist."

Turbo finally blinked, and she chuckled.

"Then I'd say I was racerist, and you'd punch me in the arm. Remember that?"

His head tilted a bit. Of course, the only answer could have been 'no'.

She gave one soft, sad chuckle. "I figured. It's okay. You will eventually. I promise."

It was an irresponsible promise to make, but she had been making a whole lot of those ever since she found him. She was certain they meant nothing to him, but they meant everything to her. She would find a million ways a day to swear to herself that she could save him. It helped keep her optimistic, anyway.

Laying her cheek back against the hot metal of his shell, she became wistful over the sound of his heart again. Her gaze fell downcast in a mournful way, but a smile still tugged at the corner of her mouth. There was a warm nostalgia there, and she followed it as best as she could.

"Your heart sounds the same, you know," she muttered softly. "Just bigger… Almost as big as you thought yourself to be. I've always… well, I've always liked the sound. It was unique. I love unique. And… you're more unique than ever, now, aren't ya?"

Turbo lowed quietly. His face still showed no clear emotion, but it was nice to hear him responding.

"Exactly," she sighed in mock understanding. "I like you a lot, big guy."

His tail flicked once at the praise.

Sucking on her lip a bit, Mavis looked down at her anxiously twisting hands. Another bittersweet memory had surfaced, and it slowly fell from her mouth as a nearly pointless ramble. Just like the rest of her monologue.

"You'd usually make fun of my heartbeat, too… Say I sounded barely alive, heh," she paused. "But… there was one time, after too many drinks, when you passed out on me, and you mumbled, uh… that my heartbeat sounded like the whoosh of wings flapping. Like a little eagle in my chest, you said."

Turbo's head lifted a bit higher and his brow furrowed slightly. His tongue darted out a few times with audible slurps. He was really confused now, but he was clearly thinking -- an encouraging fact. It urged her on.

"I wouldn't expect you to remember that, even before… all this," she told him. "I never told you, either. I mean, it was just so corny. But… all the same, I've remembered it this long. It… I dunno, I liked it. I've always been a crazy free-flyin' bird at heart. I had my wings, and you had your engine… sorta two sides of the same coin, if you squint."

She gave him a small, rueful smile. "I wonder what you'd think of my heart now. It'd probably just sound real tasty, huh?"

That curiosity suddenly but softly possessed her. Maybe he would not understand… but maybe hearing it would remind him of their intimate moments and jog some memory deep in his subconscious. A long shot, perhaps. But there was a chance, and she was loathe to pass those up when they arose.

So, slowly, she stood. "Do… you want to hear it now?"

Turbo tilted his great, horned head and merely blinked at her. Not quite a yes, not quite a no. Not quite safe.

Regardless, she carefully stepped forward, putting her life on the line like she did every day. Her tools were still back where she had been curled in the cold, so if she were to misstep and set him off, she would be defenseless, and he would most likely kill her instantly. The danger was noted, but willfully ignored as she walked right up to his crossed, deadly claws.

The intimidating creature's gaze was fixed on her, his head hovering just a bit higher than hers. He was within reach, so she took a chance and slowly raised her hand. But, as expected, his eyes narrowed and he pulled back from her touch, his lip curling to flash a monstrous, curved golden fang. A low warning growl even rumbled from his throat. Still not a fan of having his face touched, unfortunately.

Promptly, she lowered her hand. "Okay, okay," she said, hushed. "I won't touch you. I promise. Look--" she dropped the blanket from her shoulders and crossed her arms behind her. "See?"

Turbo dropped his lip, but he did not drop his suspicious glare.

She smiled up at him, trying not to look too pleading. The whole idea was a long shot. She could not be disappointed if it failed. She reasoned, "All I'm askin' is that you listen to my chest for a sec. You can do that, can't ya?"

The suspicion in his eyes leaned a touch closer to perplexity, but her request apparently seemed doable. Curiously, he lowered his huge, monstrous head. Mavis focused on breathing evenly and remaining still, but she was unafraid, even as the beast encroached right into her space. For good measure, he took a moment to sniff her again, his nose just a hair away from her body as it searched her up and down, like he thought he could catch the scent of any ulterior motive she may have been hiding. Thankfully, he found none, and slowly began to turn his head.

Turbo had no real ears anymore, from what she could tell. Not in the traditional sense. His helmet had become fused to his head after the transformation, like just another plate of armor. But between the cords that ran along the side of his head, she could see very thin slits in the helmet, shallow divots that held fine metal mesh like a microphone. To say that his hearing was unnaturally sharp would have been all too true. She just hoped he could pick up the sound in her chest with it.

His head turned fully, and with unsure curiosity, he inched it closer and closer to her body, until he was quite nearly pressing against her. He waited, and Mavis could feel her heart pounding with anticipation. Her muscles were coiled, prepared to leap away if things went sour.

After a few moments that felt too long, he withdrew. Head lifted a bit higher, he looked away from her gaze, his eyes seemingly far away as he contemplated. Mavis held her breath.

His eyes twitched. His nose wrinkled. She jumped as he sneezed sharply and suddenly, the sound of which echoed through the caverns. He blinked hard and fast, as if there were sand in his eyes. Mavis wisely took a few steps back as he propped up squarely on his massive elbows. Things were definitely going sour. Turbo groaned harshly, slashing a clawed hand against his helmet with shrill, metallic scrapes and shaking his head in distress, causing some loose cords hanging from his neck to clatter.

Not good. Not good. Not good at all.

As carefully as possible, Mavis backed away from him, leaving her blanket behind. It was better to be cold than eaten or slashed to pieces. She just managed to step over his tail before it slapped against the ground angrily. However, she did not manage to make it out of the danger zone before her heel kicked up a loose piece of brittle, and his gaze snapped to her. She froze.

Then another sound began to echo down the cavern halls -- a deep, menacing growl, pointed right at her.

"...Okay," she breathed, slowly showing him her empty, raised hands.

It did nothing to help. His lips lifted to threaten her with jagged teeth and pincer-like fangs. Nodes lined along his sides began to dimly glow an electric yellow, and matching in color were two circles on his forehead, giving the chilling impression of a second set of eyes.

The cybug in him was less than pleased.

Her need to flee turning more and more urgent, Mavis resumed backing away, putting as much space between her and the angered beast as possible. But the beast was not keen on letting her get away.

She had barely a second to react, and the agile sprite took it. Narrowly escaping death, she leapt out of the way of a huge, bladed hand striking the ground where she stood. The sharp fingers curled and carved deep gashes into the ground as he pulled his hand back and stood on his four hefty insect legs. He remained low, hands down and back arched, poised for attack.

Here we go again, she thought with a sigh.

She could not run. His prey drive was too strong. All she could do was hold her ground, dodge, and attempt to reason.

"Turbo," she called out to him calmly but forcefully, "you don't wanna hurt me!"

A swift swipe of claws claimed otherwise, but Mavis managed to spring clear of the swing. Righting her footing, her hair thrown haphazardly over her face, she stared down the snarling monstrosity she was faced with. He truly was terrifying. He would have barely fit in the circus ring, and his growling was deeper and louder than her lion's ever was. He was a lab experiment gone horribly wrong, the severed head of her partner fused to cables and wires that piloted a mismatched body right out of any decent sprite's nightmares. The terrible sight stole moments of Mavis' breath and set painful coals alight in her chest. But it was not fear that he struck in her heart.

It was frustration. Anger. The very same that would arise in a heated argument that did not potentially endanger her life.

He was making things so hard for her. He had to be better than this.

"This isn't you, and you know it!" Mavis shouted boldly. "This is just that big, brainless parasite! You're letting it win again! You can't let anyone win! You're Turbo!"

The creature skirted closer to her in a flash, rearing up his front half and towering over her. Four gargantuan wings shot from the chutes in his back like glowing helicopter blades, and they only served to make him look bigger when he spread them out. His glow burned brighter, he brandished his claws, and he let out a piercing shriek that drove painfully into her brain. She clapped her hands over her ears, nearly crumbling with the sound. But when it was over, she straightened up and looked him right in the eye again.

Manners no longer had any place in that tunnel. He was big and scary, but he could not use that against her. In her look, she cast a challenge. She cast the resolute fact that she could not be intimidated.

"Yeah. Go on. Try again." She spit on the ground. "You don't scare me."

The huge, glowing, slitted eyes, filled with something urgent and primal, held unbroken contact with hers. His long body swelled and shrunk with heavy, hissing breaths. Mavis was fully prepared for him to continue his needless threat display, but his momentum seemed to rein in for a few beats. Snarling simmered down into growling. Wide eyes narrowed. His wings quivered in a hostile, frustrated sort of way, creating a low hum in the air, but he made no move to strike.

Mavis breathed deeply and licked her dry lips. This was, at least, a turn in the right direction. Maybe sinking to her knees and turning her eyes to the ground would have made it all end quicker. But no matter how tired she was, she could not roll over. That was not the Mavis he knew. Not the one he would remember.

So she merely nodded slightly at him, blinking against the light of his eyes. “Yeah. S’right. I know a hissy fit when I see one.”

Turbo’s growl deepened and sharpened, but he began to withdraw, lowering his body back down closer to the slinking position he mostly took. Mavis’ head began to swirl as her spiked adrenaline began to cautiously fall. She had expected more push back, especially from her snide comment, but he seemed to be backing off already. That had to be some manner of good sign, she assured herself. Maybe his memories of her had deepened just the tiniest bit, and held him back from harming her. Maybe. Even if his tense, restricted body language betrayed his temptation to.

“See?” she sighed, pushing her hair from her face, some strands sticking to her sweat. “You know you don’t wanna hurt me.”

If Turbo could have spoken, he may have made protest to her tone. Perhaps he would have told her that she could not tell him what he knew. Or, at the very least, cussed her out.

What the mute king actually did was furiously rake his hand through a tall stalagmite nearby, sending almond brittle shrapnel hurtling towards Mavis, whose guard was lowered just a touch too far. Failing to dodge in time, Mavis yelped and threw up an arm to protect her face. The barrage of impacts staggered her and sank her to the ground, where she painfully caught herself against the earth with her palm. It had all happened in a flash, but by the time it had passed, and the rolling rubble had fallen silent… Mavis understood his message clearly.

Unsteadily, she sank fully onto the ground, held up only by an elbow. For a moment, she remained there, her body rigid with pain while she pressed a hand firmly against her throbbing head. The hit she sustained there was not serious, she could tell that much, but its sting still made the corners of her eyes well up. So much that the image of Turbo was foggy when she dared to crack her eyes open and look.

The glow of his body had been extinguished, but his eyes were clear, and they were wide and round, further away than when she last looked. He was flitting about, scurrying and pausing, growling and huffing. Just when it seemed that he could not decide what to do with himself, he tore off down the tunnel, leaving only the echoes of his skittering legs in his wake.

Mavis was raw. Bruised in both body and mind. As much as she tried to shrug off the ache, she was deeply disheartened. She supposed she had only herself to blame for getting hurt, like any other animal attack. But therein laid the depressing truth -- he was still more animal than Turbo. Every attack only served as a reminder. He had come along way since he sliced the vision out of her eye, but he still had such a long way to go.

She would never give up. Ever. But there were times, especially when she lay alone with pain he inflicted, that the effort to save him felt unfathomably gargantuan. And at those times, she felt unfathomably small.

So that tiny Easter Egg remained there on the cavern floor, letting the sorrow pass through her until regret followed, along with reasoning, and resolve. The situation was mostly on her, but her wounds would heal, and she would carry on and do better. That mindset had carried her thus far, and she would not soon let it go.

Mavis rose to her feet, a sharp pain still shooting over her head. When she took her hand away from it, she found her palm smeared with blood. She sighed. That was just great. The wound was not any cause for concern, but the amount of blood from a scalp wound would have led one to think otherwise. She knew it would be some time before the bleeding stopped.

Briefly, she checked her body for any other blood drawn. There was a gash across her forearm that was trickling red -- that much would need attention. But apart from a few other shallow scrapes, she was fine. Worse had been done before. Worse was likely yet to come.

She looked around at the empty cavern. All was silent. Any sign of Turbo's presence had faded away, along with any reason she had to stay in the cold.

She could hardly bear another moment in that place anyway. Packing up her bed roll and bags, she set out for warmer air.

An amount of time passed that no one bothered to measure.

Mavis was almost asleep. Rest was so close, teasing her so painfully, but holding her just above the edge, in the territory where thoughts blurred and dreams made small talk. With her eyes closed and her brain bobbing as if in water, she could almost see the red, shining body of her licorice lion lounging close by. She was petting him, her hand running over the black fronds of his mane. His tail slapped gently against the ground, and he rumbled contentedly… What a good boy he was.

But his rumbling grew louder, until he was lowly bellowing, and the sound became far too real to sleep through. With a jolt, she shot fully awake.

The deep wild of the candy cane forest spread around her, where the trees grew thick and dense and towering. Their higher branches, the ones that stretched taller than the cliff she was nested under, glistened beautifully in the warm sunlight. Mavis was no longer cold, and the ambient sound of candy corn crows cawing in the distance brought back memories that warmed her further. But she was by no means comfortable. She was sitting on her roll, leaning against the unyielding rock candy cliff face. Her forearm was bandaged, but she was still holding gauze against her pulsing head. She must have been doing it for so long, she quite nearly fell asleep. Checking the gauze, she found it gruesome, but a quick dab on the clean side found the wound dry. Finally.

Another small shock jolted her system as the sound that woke her up returned. Restrained, tentative bellowing echoed out of the cave entrance next to her, the one that was more like a narrow crevice that only she could fit through.

Now, who could that have been?

Scooting over carefully, she peered into the crack, into the darkness. As the entrance passage was a bit twisted and uneven, it was hard to see him. But those eyes in the dark were unmistakable. They watched her from a little ways in, curious and adamant, as far as she could read. With a weary sigh, she leaned the good side of her head against the edge of the opening. Despite being irritated at losing her moment’s peace, she was undeniably relieved to see him calmed down.

“Well?” she spoke to him quietly, but she knew he could hear. “Have ya come to apologize, or what?”

She heard him click a few times, like steel clacking together. So far, she had not been able to quite translate those sounds, but his eyes were speaking a bit more clearly than they had been earlier. There was tightness in his lower lids, speaking to frustration or distress, presumably from the fact that he did not, and could not, fit through the hole to reach her. He did not understand why she was shutting him out, but he clearly wanted her to stop. He really was clingy for such a territorial creature.

“You hurt me again, y’know,” she said lowly, regretfully.

Turbo’s gaze fell just a little bit lower, surveying the rocks. It could have been nothing, but she still noted his choice not to look at her.

Idly, she herself looked down and began picking at nicks in the rock candy beneath her. She sighed. “It’s not your fault. I know I freaked you out. And… I wish I could say I’m sorry, but I just can’t. I can’t be sorry. If this is gonna go anywhere, both of us are gonna have to get real uncomfortable. I wish that wasn’t the case, but…”

Lifting her gaze, she still found his pointed away. “But you can’t freak out at me like that,” she said firmly. “You just can’t. You’ll kill me. I’m the only one who can save you. I know you don’t understand that right now, but, y’know, Devs forbid you figure that out after I’m already dead.”

Turbo chuffed, and then his long, sharp fingers jut into the passageway in attempt to reach her. They fell short of Mavis by a fair bit, only serving to scrape and clack against the rock candy and shave off fresh, fragrant powder. Mavis did not move at all, merely watching with what would have been interest if she was not feeling so blue. Turbo gave up with a frustrated trill.

Mavis folded her arms, letting her eyes follow a distant cinnamon squirrel as it scurried from branch to branch, expertly avoiding the double-stripes. Without looking at Turbo, she told the open air, “You were in love with me, once.”

She paused. There was only silence, apart from a distant caw.

“I know I’ve told you that before,” she continued. “I know it probably means nothing to you. It’s okay. It will someday. But I can tell you for sure… if I died, you’d miss me. You wouldn’t even know why.”

There was a quiet growl inside the cave, one that carried no hostility. She chanced a glance at him, and found inquisitive, but guarded eyes watching her.

“I bet you miss me already,” she said with one twitch of a smile. “Or… miss knowing who I was. Bet it’d be nice to remember why you haven’t eaten me yet, huh?”

Turbo huffed, his eyes narrowing in what might have been vague agreement. At least, maybe to the last sentence.

Mavis sighed again through her nose. Slowly, she slid her flat palm against the ground a little more into the cave, as if he were sitting right next to her and she could tentatively brush her fingers against his. But as it stood, even his huge claws could not reach that far.

“I miss you,” she muttered. “More than… everything. That’s why I push things too far. That’s why I do anything, I guess.”

Turbo’s eyes were trained on her. It was obvious enough that he did not understand, but if she squinted, she could see him trying to. He wanted to know, but just could not. That was nothing she could have held against him.

Clearing her throat, resolving to move on from the heavy, emotional nonsense she had been presenting him with, she pushed to her feet. Her head became fuzzy once upright, but she had suffered more than a few bonks to the head in her years, and just powered through as she gathered her things. With her bed roll under her arm and her bags over her shoulders, she snaked through the tight space in the rock. The transition into the Sugar Rush caverns would have felt not unlike stepping into a refrigerator, if not for the huge furnace waiting for her right at the entrance.

Turbo stood the moment she entered, but did not immediately stray from his spot. Mavis paused to look at him, and found herself standing there longer than intended. She just got caught up in studying his face and the way its contours were painted by what little sunlight managed to pour in from the split in the rock. As this was the tunnel’s only light source, the rest of his body was blanketed out of sight in the shadows. All she could see of him was the part that still looked like her partner.

Her heart bubbled over with boiling, toxic affection that spilled hotly into her guts.

“...Hi,” she breathed uselessly.

Her partner merely chuffed in reply. But the way he looked at her slowly stole her coherent thought, as it often did. This look did not come from the cybug, nor did it come from the Turbo she knew. It came from the Turbo that had been maturing since the day his memories were stolen away. The Turbo who had no idea who she was. What that Turbo thought of her exactly, she could not have been sure. But he looked at her as if she were an old riddle, one both intriguing and vexing, both charming and maddening. As if he were certain that he would figure her out one day, but stopped believing that day would come soon.

Like she was some soft obsession.

She swallowed, continuing to speak even as his eyes distracted her. “Uh… I’ll go find you some… cherries… tomorrow. We can call that my apology.”

Turbo’s head tilted, and she cleared her throat. Looking into the yawning darkness of the cave, she said, “It’s seriously bedtime now, though. I’m gonna delete if I don’t recharge.”

She had moved barely a few paces before Turbo gave a passing groan and crawled past her. His pointy legs clicked in a spidery way as he wandered around, scoping out the best place for him to situate himself. Those big eyes, glowing like low headlights, spread enough light in his search that Mavis was able to easily find a spot for herself before he was even done. He had always been the pickier one, anyway.

With all of her things laid out, she knelt on her bed roll and paused. She could just barely see Turbo’s body with the help of his glowing eyes and the faintest light from the crack, but she watched him finally pick a spot not all that far from her. He circled, scratching away any debris or sharp points. Then he circled again, and again, until he finally folded his legs and laid his body down. He yawned widely, and the harsh yellow light in his throat cast outlines over the surrounding lumpy floor before dropping it all back to darkness again.

Pondering how he still managed to be cute, Mavis laid down, preparing to fight the cold for a restful sleep again. The earth was hard and unforgiving, even under her bedding, but she was used to it by then. So much that she sighed with relief as she became horizontal. Joints popping as they settled, she blinked hard and realized that Turbo’s headlights were pointed her way.

She smiled sheepishly at him. “Goodnight, T,” she called tiredly.

Turbo grunted.

Thinking that was the end of it, she closed her eyes, but then Turbo groaned again, a bit more insistently.

“Uh huh,” she replied. “And sweet dreams.”

With that, she rolled over, ready to succumb to sleep. Her eyelids grew heavy, nearly glued shut. Almost immediately, she felt the world turning to jelly around her.

But it all snapped back into solid, unforgiving rock when Turbo's clicking startled her awake.

"Uuugh," she groaned without rolling over. "Turbo! Shut it!"

For a few moments, she heard nothing. Then came some shifting and shuffling, presumably as he made himself more comfortable.

That was when three metal claws wedged beneath her, and the ground swiftly sank away. Before she knew it, she was being carried, bed and all, cupped in both of Turbo's hands like a cramped cage.

"HEY!" she snapped. "WHAT GIVES?! PUT ME DOWN!"

Turbo did not obey, not immediately. In the dark, she could not see where he took her, but the skittery ride was short. It could only have been his own sleeping space. Then, just like that, he released her back onto the ground, where she tumbled like a dropped ball.

Exhausted, in pain, and confused, she was in no mood for Turbo's weird antics. Mavis sprang to her feet and pointed a stiff finger right at those glowing eyes.

"Don't do that!" she scolded. "Whaddaya think I am, some kinda doll? Y'gotta ask before--"

Her thought was cut short as Turbo crawled in a swift circle around her, paused, and circled again, before she just barely managed to see his body nestle down against the ground. The earth hissed and crackled as he made himself comfortable, and just like that, he was curled around her like a dragon protecting its egg.

A bit too tired to think clearly, she did not move at all. “Uh…” her eyes slowly shifted around, “what’s going on?”

Turbo’s eyes turned to her, his head still lifted off the ground. He seemed expectant, like he actually meant for her to sit down. Mavis was processing this when his Turbo-like impatience showed through, and two huge fingers pressed down on her shoulders hard enough to force her to kneel. Her knees landed on her bed roll, so she followed through with the motion and sat, tentatively picking up her blanket.

Mavis could not ignore the way her heart was racing. This was something entirely new in their strange, broken relationship. A level of trust not yet achieved. She knew that trusting him was still likely unwise, but if he trusted her, she absolutely had to return the favor. It was the only way progress could be made.

“You…” she muttered, “...you sure? I mean, I’ll stay if you want me to, but…”

Turbo’s reply came only in the action of him lowering his head to the ground, a fair bit closer to her than she expected. His eyes narrowed as he watched her, blinking slowly in a contented way.

“...Huh.”

He chuffed.

“...Okay,” she breathed, smiling a bit with an incredulous chuckle. She situated herself a bit more comfortably, and laid herself down again, parallel to his head. “Alright. As you wish, your majesty.”

In the darkness, his glowing eye peered at her sidelong, its fiery pupil a bit dilated and relaxed. Those slow blinks quickly became more frequent, until he closed his eyes and left Mavis in the dark, aware of his surrounding body only by the whoosh of his hefty breathing and the heat it emanated.

Yes. Yes, that heat. The longer she stayed there with him coiled around her, the less she felt the cold, black cavern surrounding them. He was like a heat lamp, filling her mind with images of hot baths and warm beaches and cozy bedrooms with the man she missed so dearly.

But he was there… and he was so close.

And amazingly enough, after the silence had carried on a while and Mavis felt sleep carefully knocking at her door again, that silence was broken by Turbo’s head shifting a bit nearby. The sound occurred again and again, growing closer each time, until the breath from his nose washed over the ground by her feet. Mavis could hear her own heart pounding… which made her realize just which part of his head he had chosen to move so close.

“Are you…” she whispered, her mouth twitching into a smile, “are you listening to my heart again?”

“Mmlah,” he put a bit of his deep, crackling voice into his vague protest.

Laughter left Mavis softly and carefully, the sound glowing like candlelight. The night had taken a turn she would not have dared to expect. Suddenly, all the stress and the bleeding really did seem worth it. Something must have gotten through to him. Bless the Devs.

“So, what do I sound like?” she asked, not expecting an answer, and not receiving one.

He was so close now. Even if she had two good eyes, she would not have been able to clearly see him, but by the sound of his breathing, she knew he was within arm’s reach. It was so tempting. It would be so easy to lift her hand and lay it against his helmet, or stroke the bristly ruff of silver fur that circled behind his head. To just touch him, even just somewhere close to his face. She reached her hand up…

...But lowered it to the cold ground. He was already showing so much trust for her. She could not rightly break that trust and push him again. Besides, even just lying so close to him put a warmth in her chest that had nothing to do with his body heat.

With a wistful sigh, Mavis prepared to tell him what she tried to tell him once a day.

“I still love you, T.”

The barest sliver of his eye cracked open, lazily glancing her way.

“No matter what you look like. No matter what you remember. But I’ll never give up on you. At least remember that for me.”

Turbo’s eye closed again, and a breath that seemed a touch longer than usual blew out from his nose. Mavis was not sure how much of that he could understand, but she had a feeling it was enough.

“Goodnight, Turbo.”

At last, Mavis closed her eyes and surrendered to the pull of sleep. Tired as she was, it did not come swiftly. That was not so unusual. But that night, the scars on her old, battle-worn heart did not flare with the pain of bittersweet memory. After all, why would it? In the end, she had gotten what she had been kept awake longing for at the start of the evening -- the warmth of her partner sleeping soundly beside her.

Even after all that, there was one last noise that caught her attention. There was a stirring, as soft as a whisper. It was steady, it was rhythmic, and as faint as it was, it was close by. It was just confusing enough to keep her awake, searching her mind for what it could be.

It took a fair bit of contemplation before Mavis realized it was Turbo’s tail lightly twitching, and a fair bit more to realize its tempo matched the beat in her chest.

#fanfiction #make it mavis #turbo #turbug #turbug au #first fic in this au happens to be the first fic of the decade ayooooo #i'll start this au properly eventually but this came to me late at night and i ran with it

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blkmxrvel · 5 years

Text

Thanks, A Latte

Pairing: Lena Luthor x Black!Female!Reader

Words: 12k

Prompt:

Summary: the five times y/n takes Lena’s heart and the one time she does something about it.

Warnings: Just a whole lotta gay shit, also I seriously didn’t feel like editing this so-

A/N: This blank layout has been sitting in my drafts for months and it’s christmas lmao, i tried my best, it’s probably gonna be in here for a few more by the time I get done with it. (i’m posting this May 20th, 2019. I started this draf in november 2018. jfc) It’s Lena’s “POV” meaning you really only get her side of the story, you get a bit of Y/N’s view point.

It was a regular day for Lena, so it was boring. She was the owner of a coffee shop, Brainy’s. It was her first time owning anything, so she took great pride in it; it was quiet, quaint and homey, just like she liked it.

She didn’t have many employees, but she didn’t really mind it either. She was fine with making tea and coffee and getting to know her customers.

It was only her today. Winn and Kara were out of town on vacation, and Sam didn’t work weekends, so she picked up the missing times. The bell above the entrance door chimed, and in walked a short girl with her backpack hooked around her arm. Lena took notice immediately, head looking up from where she was restocking cups. She was beautiful, Lena knew that immediately.

She’d never been here before, Lena would have recognized her if she did. Her laptop was soon out in front her, eyebrows furrowed together and fingers wiggling in frustration. Even with the stress radiating off of her, Lena was pretty sure she was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.

Once she was done with the small work, Lena grabbed her notebook and pen and strutted over to the pretty girl in question. She didn’t want to disrupt her, as it was clear that she was surrounded by her work.

“Hi!” She said softly, but enough to catch her attention. Lena could have swore she was in a trance. She’d seen many eyes in her life, they were her favorite feature on anyone; but her Y/E/C were something eyes. She had never seen anything like them. They were big, vibrant and dull at the same time, they held anguish, stress, pain, but sparkles of joy and peaceful were sprinkled in them. She was heartbroken and in love.

“Welcome to Brainy’s! I don’t think I’ve ever seen you here before, so I have a menu for you, if you would like to order.”

The girl looked at her for a few seconds, making Lena’s cheeks go a little pink. “Or not…”

She shook her head, seemingly coming out of a trance. “Sorry!” She apologized. “My mind is just so jammed packed right now. I know this is like a… special cafe, so do you have anything for focus? Something that could help me study a bit better?”

Lena thought for a moment, going through the menu that was engraved in her brain.

“Yes! But it’s not a traditional tea or coffee, it’s more of a boosted latte, that alright?” The girl nodded her head, subconsciously bouncing her legs up and down. “I’ll be right back then.”

It didn’t take long for her to become immersed in her work again, Lena noticed. The Y/E/C girl was writing things down on a notebook, softly saying the words to herself in hopes of memorizing them. Lena’s face turned down into a frown; she knew what those days were like, she was glad she was finished with school. But still, she wished that she could do something to lift her spirits.

“Here you go.” Lena said as she walked back to the table again. She didn’t acknowledge Lena’s presence, probably because she was so into her studying.

Taking note of this, Lena just sat the cup on the table. That seemed to catch the girl’s attention, she jerked her head up and smile guiltily at Lena.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t hear you, thank you so much!” Lena chuckled and just smiled back at her.

“It’s no problem at all,” Lena reassured. “I’ve been there too. Big exam?” Lena wiped her clammy hands on her apron. Her eyes were staring up at Lena, big Y/E/C eyes feeling like they were boring into Lena’s soul. She wasn’t used to this, this wave of pure euphoria that crash through her body from head to toe. She had only heard about love at first sight, she didn’t think to would ever happen to her.

“Yeah, midterm.” She replied. “It’s tomorrow and my house is never quiet enough for me to study, so places like this are my savior.” She let out something between a sigh and a chuckle before running her hands along the top of her pants. Lena frowned a little, disliking the way her body deflated.

“Well!” Lena put on her happy face and cheery face. “Good luck! This place is always open to you, and if you need anything at all, just let me know.”

The girl smiled a toothless smile at Lena, grabbing her pen and twirling it in between her fingers. “Thank you,” she said after a while. “I definitely will.”

Lena smiled one last time and walked back to the Kitchen. The mystery girl came in at the perfect time it seemed like, because at soon and Lena set her apron on her chair, Brainy’s got even busier. A wave of customers flooded through the shop, she didn’t even have time for a break that day.

It was 10 ‘till 9 and Lena was completely wiped. She had spent the rest of the day running around; taking orders and wiping tables. She hadn’t even had time to look and fawn over the pretty girl that was sitting diagonal to the counter.

How rude.

Lena stood at the counter, hands splayed over the edges. The coffee shop was practically empty, save for a few people just finishing up. Footsteps were heard getting closer to Lena, so she lifted her head. She was pleasantly surprised to see her favorite person– the new girl walking toward her. She had her bag on her shoulder and her phone in hand. Lena smiled right back, standing up straight and using her now clammy hands to smooth out her apron.

“I just wanted to say thank you, for the Latte. It was literally the best thing ever, I got all my studying done and I can finally sleep.” There was a certain giddiness to the way she spoke, something like relief and relaxation. Lena noticed that her eyes were a little brighter and that made her rejoice.

“Well I’m really glad that I could help. Would you like another for the test? Just something to boost your memory. On the house.”

She immediately shook her head. “I can pay for it, it’s fine.”

“Nah,” Lena waved her hand, leaning in a little bit. “Once my mind is made up there is no changing it.” She smirked at her, walking back to the area where the made the latte.

“I��m Lena, by the way. In case you didn’t see the name tag.” She swirled the chocolate into the cup holding it up to the whip.

“Y/N.” Lena smiled. She grabbed the lid, walking back towards Y/N.

“How fitting,” Lena said, boldness surging through her veins. “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.”

Lena reveled the way blush crept up onto Y/N’s cheeks almost instantly, a slight smile grazed her lips. She could’ve died when Y/N’s fingers brushed against hers, taking the latte out of her hands. It seems like she almost combusted, the red on her cheeks even more prominent.

She squeaked out another “Thank you, Lena.” and then turned around rather hastily grip firm on the cup.

“Good luck!” Lena wished before Y/N walked out the door. She blessed her with another smile, opening the door and getting lost in the National City crowd.

Lena’s body was still on a high, a light buzz surrounding her. She smiled to herself and faced the wall. She tried and failed to stop the pace her of heart, certain that she was going to die at any second. She turned off the machines, deciding to close a few minutes early; the shop was empty and clean, she could leave.

Grabbing her purse and changing her shoes, she locked the door to Brainy’s, keys in her hand and Y/N in her mind.

ii.

The second time Lena sees Y/N, (two weeks later on a chilly, fall day) not much has changed. It was after Lena came back from a much needed vacation.

Y/N’s in the same state: flustered, frustrated and in a rush. Lena watches as she walks over to the same table, shoving her car keys into her pocket as she sits down. She smiles at Y/N before walking towards her.

She’s still the prettiest girl Lena has ever seen, even when it looks like she’s five seconds from combusting.

Lena arrives to the table, smile morphing into a frown when the girl she’s grown so fond of literally looks like she is about to combust.

“Another exam?” That makes Y/N’s head whip up, eyes wide with shock.

“Oh, hi! And, no. A paper this time. Due tomorrow, actually.” Her eyes went back to her laptop, scrolling through the pages she’d written so far.

Lena chuckled to herself. “Do you have a habit of starting really important things at the very last minute? Because if that’s the case then studying might not be your issue?” Y/N joined in on the laughter, Lena’s heart and eyes swelling at the sound. She knew she’d do anything to hear it over and over again.

“Trust me, I like to get head starts on these things.” She clarified then shrugged. “I just I like it here, it’s kinda like my last resort when it comes to studying. When I finally realize that my parents won’t stop yelling, I come here…” Y/N subconsciously let her shoulders fall, eyes still on her laptop.

Lena felt a sudden surge of protectiveness run through her. She placed a hand on Y/N’s shoulders, frowning slightly. “I’m sorry, but know that you’re always welcome here. From the time the doors open until they close.” She smiled reassuringly at the Y/H/C beauty.

“I’ll make sure you have an unlimited supply of anything you need. On the house.”

At that Y/N’s head snapped up, shaking immediately. “Oh no, it’s okay. I’ll just-”

“Nonsense, this is my shop.” Lena interrupted. “Let me do an act of kindness. You deserve it, truly.” Y/N smiled appreciatively.

“Okay then. Well, thank you in advance. I’m Y/N.” She stuck out her head towards Lena, and with no hesitation, Lena grasped hands with the other girls, shaking lightly.

They were warm, Lena noted. Y/N’s hands were warm, they sent a hot wave through her body on this cold November day. They were soft, smoother than any baby she’s ever met. She didn’t want to let go, but she knew she had to.

“I’m Lena.”

If it was anybody else, Lena would’ve laughed at the way Y/N had completely forgotten their first introduction. Her eyes would’ve scrunched up and a small little chuckle would’ve erupted from her throat. But instead, a smile fell upon her face, soon morphing into a frown. How much stress and pressure was she under, Lena wondered. The thought made her nauseous.

The rest of Lena’s day went as planned. She counted money, served customers, made drinks; the usual.

Lena’s day at Brainy’s was coming to an end. She had serviced the last customer, the bell ringing as they walked out. Well, she thought that was the last customer.

As she was putting the chairs on top of the tables, she noticed her new found favorite person in her same spot. Lena smiled at the triumphant grin on the other girls face. Her heart fluttered at the way Y/N’s eyes closed in relief, her body doing a little dance.

Lena had finished wiping down the tables when she spoke up.

“That smiles is a good thing, I hope.” She tossed the rag back into the sink and unraveled her apron. “It’s too beautiful to be anything but joyous.”

Lena had no idea where that had came from, and she didn’t regret it when she noticed the small blush on Y/N’s cheeks and smile on her lips.

“It’s a great thing actually.” She responded. “I turned in my paper and I’m really confident about it. Perks of a quiet environment, I guess. I know I would never be able to get this done at home.”

Lena feels her heart break a little inside. She didn’t understand how someone this sweet and kind couldn’t find happiness in her own home. She hoped Y/N could find home somewhere else, maybe in the form of a little coffee shop she ran. She didn’t say that though.

“I’m glad that my shop could be a part of such a beautiful journey.” Y/N chuckled.

It’s quiet for a moment. Y/N packs up her things, puts on her hat and scarf. Lena is grabbing her purse and the keys to the shop. They both head towards the door at the same time.

They meet at the door, facing each other and smiling, eyes locked. Y/N goes out on a whim, something Lena was sure was just a spur of the moment thing, and wraps her arms around Lena’s middle. The significantly shorter girl squeezed lightly.

Lena is taken aback, but doesn’t let that show on her face as she hugs Y/N back. Curls lightly hit Lena’s face, a flood of blueberry scent flooding her nose. White heat made it course throughout her. Lena closed her eyes.

“Thank you.” Y/N says as she pulls away. She looks shy at first, timid. It was like a natural instinct for her and Lena didn’t like it. She wanted to hear the rich laugh she heard earlier, see her lips and smile the most. But she sufficed with soaking up the happiness she felt as the small smile that graced Y/N’s lips.

“I don’t mean to be weird but you have no idea how much your shop and the things you do mean to me.” They lock eyes again and Lena smiles a sad smile. She steps forward and hugs Y/N again, loving the way the smaller girl melted into her frame.

“It’s nothing at all.”

iii.

This time, Y/N walks in a mess. It’s nearly a month later and tears are streaming down her face, bag in hand, hair disheveled and shaking. There aren’t many people in the shop, surprisingly, just a few people on the left. Y/N was grateful.

It’s close to midnight, so Lena is cleaning up her counter, she wasn’t really expecting anyone else. But when she hears the bell and looks up to see who it was, she immediately notices Y/N. Not the crying, though. Just the fact that she didn’t say hi and she wasn’t in her usual spot. She’s sitting in a booth.

No greeting, not even a smile, and she’s sitting in a booth. Y/N was not a booth girl. Something was wrong.

The last few people that were in the cafe left and Lena didn’t hold herself back. She walked right up to Y/N, who’s spaced out, and sits right next to her.

Lena doesn’t say anything, just closes as much distance as possible before wrapping an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. The latter turns her head and stares at Lena, willing herself not to cry into front of the person whose opinion she cared about most.

That didn’t work, Lena knew the girl across from her way too well. The nights they had spent talking had really done wonders. Lena never thought she would care about someone as much as she did with Y/N. She felt like she knew Y/N: strong, determined, albeit stubborn. She also knew that Y/N was one of the most kind-hearted people in this world. She was so strong that she felt like she couldn’t feel vulnerable, Lena knew, because she felt the same way.

Lena squeezed Y/N’s shoulder, going out on a whim to lean forward and press her lips to her forehead.

That broke the dam. Y/N released a shaky sigh, her body convulsing as she leaned into Lena’s shoulder. She sobbed into Lena and wrapped her arms around Lena’s middle. The raw pain vibrated into Lena’s soul, so she held Y/N tighter and forced herself not to cry.

Lena knew pain like this. She had lived it time and time again growing up. The pain of all your problems, breaking the weight of your soul, not being able to hold it any longer. The way your sobs spoke for you, Lena had been through this all before.

That’s why she didn’t say anything. She didn’t try bothering with the whole self-assuring mantra. She knew the it’s okay and you’re not alone speeches were useless. They only made people feel worse. So she resorted to comforting Y/N the way she always needed somebody to comfort her.

She pull her closer into herself, so much that the smaller girl was practically sitting on her lap. Arms wrapped around her neck, she felt tears soaking through her shirt but she couldn’t bring herself to care. A shirt over the heartbroken beauty she had grown to like? It was impossible. Her hands soothed over Y/N’s heaving body, so calm and so gentle, the way she always needed. Soft, pillow curls ticked her chin, and Lena smiled.

It didn’t dawn on her that the position they were in was anything but platonic. That for people had known each other for 2 months were this close, this comfortable. It all felt so natural for her that she didn’t realize her heart beating and breaking at once. All she cared about was you.

She let Y/N cry for as long as she needed. Her loud sobs eventually dulled into weak whines, and soon into silence. She didn’t know what time it was. It was silence before Lena spoke up, hearing her take a deep breath.

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. We can just sit here until you feel better.”

She felt Y/N shake her head. She sniffled a little before she lifted her head. Bloodshot Y/E/C eyes stared into Lena, and the latter just smiled.

“No it’s fine. I’m not gonna do all this and then not tell you. It’s not fair.” Lena chuckled while moving some hair out of Y/N’s face.

“It’s not about me, Angel. You do whatever you’re comfortable with.” She pretended not to see the smile and blush that appeared on Y/N’s face.

“I’m comfortable.” Y/N replied as she laid her head back onto Lena’s shoulder, facing the counter. Lena smiled and kept rubbing her back.

It was several minutes before Y/N spoke up again. No matter how comfortable Y/N said she was, she knew it would take a while for her to let it all out.

Lena had to strain her ears to her Y/N. “My parents arguing got worse. The worst it’s ever been. I don’t know what was said, but my mother left and took my two younger sisters with her. I don’t know why she didn’t take me, she knows me and my dad don’t get along. Oh well.”

“They did all that while I was studying for my exam too. It was so quiet all week I thought that they were finally starting to get along. Guess not.” A sniffle. “My dad yelled at me so bad afterward. He told me to go after them or do chores or something. I don’t know, so much was happening it was hard for me to process it all.”

Lena still didn’t say anything. Knowing that if she did Y/N would stop.

“I’m so tired, Lena.” Y/n’s voice broke. “Everything is just so much between school and home. I can’t even go back home because I know I’d hear my dad’s mouth if I did. He would try and blame it all on me. After a while I know I’d start to believe him. I mean my mother just left me there with him. Just me. Maybe I am the problem.”

“Okay, no.” Lena spoke up, not allowing Y/N to belittle herself. “That’s not your fault. Whatever problems your parents have is not up for you to take the blame for. You didn’t ask for any of it, not the arguing and discomfort. Hell, you didn’t even ask to be born.” Y/N chuckled. “Your parents are problems are results of your parents issues. Not you.” Lena ended firmly, letting Y/N know that she was 1000% serious.

Y/N wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck tighter and sat it silence for a little bit. This time it was Lena who broke it.

“You can stay with me. Since you said you don’t want to go home. I have an extra room and I live alone, it’s fine.”

Y/N lifted her head up and kissed Lena’s cheek, an action surprising them both. “Thank you, Lena. I’m staying with my grandma though. At least for the week, and then I’ll figure out something from there. She’s old and fragile, I don’t wanna stress her out too much.”

Lena hummed. “Well, just let me know. My door is always open for you.” Lena had the sudden urge to say that her heart was too, but she didn’t dare.

“You’re a saint.”

—

Three hours had passed before Y/N had decided to leave. Lena did her best to distract Y/N from her problems. Lena seldom left any subject untouched. They had talked about it all: book, hobbies, school, friends, music, and most importantly dreams and goals. Y/N wants art, Lena wants science. Y/N told Lena about her love for roller coasters, and Lena told Y/N about how terrified she was of them.

They played games. TicTacToe, I-Spy, hangman hide and go seek. They had the time of their lives. Especially for Lena, she had liked to think it was a date, but she’d never voice that out loud. It wasn’t until the 6th round of hide-and-go-seek that Lena decided to call it a night. She had been looking for Y/N for 10 minutes, 10 minutes! She should know this place like the back of her hand, it was her shop. Y/N wasn’t doing anything to help her out either, there wasn’t a sound heard anywhere.

Lena had decided to look in the closet, she was positive that was where Y/N had to be hiding. There was literally no place else.

Lena held her breath, steadying her hand onto the door handle.

3…..2…..1…..

“Got you!” Lena yanked the door open, smile wide on her face and ready to see the shocked look on her face. But she was the shocked one. Y/N was laying on the floor, curled up into nothing more than a ball with a bundle of curls on top.

Lena’s heart melted at the sight. Y/N hand was scrunched up under her chin. She knew she was in love. Okay. Maybe not in love, in love, but pretty damn close to it.

She took out her phone, yawning herself when she saw the time. 4:27. She kneeled down, getting a good look at Y/N before slowly waking her up.

YN’s face contorted into an expression of discomfort and anger when her eyes open. That dissipated though, when she saw Lena’s caring smile above her.

“Hey, Sleepyhead. It’s pretty late. And I’m not going to leave you here to sleep in the closet. But I will walk you to your grandmother’s house if you’re up to it?” Y/N nodded her head sleepily, taking Lena’s hand and standing up. It took a little while for Y/N to balance herself, but a few seconds later she had it.

Y/N walked to the exit, smiling gratefully when Lena handed her her bag. She opened the door for Lena, subconsciously leaning into her. Lena blushed hard, thankful that Y/N had been too tired to look up.

“Cambridge Street. It’s just a block or two away. I can walk alone.”

“This late at night? I think not.” Lena scoffed.

“But then you would have to walk home, that’s not safe either.” Lena smiled and grabbed Y/N’s hand, walking a bit slower.

“I’ll be fine. I have friends who look out for me.”

“What? Is your friend Supergirl?” Lena just laughed. If only she knew.

“Whatever.” The two of them walked in silence. Both of them were most content they had ever been. Y/N rested her head on Lena’s shoulder, Lena rested her head on Y/N’s. It was quite perfect.

Just as they rounded the corner, a large white house with silver lights screamed at them.

“This is me.” Y/N yawned. She didn’t lift her head until they had reached the steps.

Y/N wrapped her arms tightly around Lena’s middle, squeezing incredulously while Lena reciprocated. “Thank you.” She said. “Thank you for everything you’ve ever done. From the first moment I walked into your shop until now. I’m forever grateful.

“Anytime, sunshine.” Lena smiled as she let go of Y/N to reach for her phone, handing it to Y/N. “I’m always here. You can put your number in if you want, and then anything you need to talk you can alwa-”

Y/N grabbed the phone before Lena could finish her sentence, entering in her number and handing it back to Lena. “Done. You don’t have to tell me twice.” Lena chuckles, and they end up wrapped in that silence again. Only this time it was more vulnerable.

They stand at the doorstep, staring at each other. There’s something there. Y/N can feel it too, Lena is sure of it.

She’s never wanted to kiss someone so bad. She’s never wanted to wrap her arms around someone’s body and feel their warmth; protect them from every single threat. She’s never wanted to hear the laugh, see the smile, and just know that she’s made a beautiful heart beat a little faster. She’s never wanted to take someone’s pain away and be their happiness, not as much as her does with Y/N. Should she kiss her?

She doesn’t. She just settle with a kiss on Y/N’s forehead and a promise to see each other soon.

As Y/N walks into the house, Lena feels a pang of regret in her chest at the soft lips that pull up into a shy smile. Lena wanted to feel that same smile as their lips were pressed together.

She sighs. She should’ve kissed her.

iv.

Lena sees Y/N for the fourth time at Brainy’s two weeks later. They’ve been hanging out quite a bit since that night and it’s safe to say that Lena is completely infatuated with the brown skin beauty.

They’ve become the best of friends in the past two weeks, attached at the hip. They hang out at the park near Y/N’s house, go out for lunch when Lena had days off, shopping on Lena’s payday. Was Lena spending her money on Y/N? Yes. Did she enjoy spoiling her? Of course. What she ever going to tell Y/N about her feelings? Absolutely…..not!

With everything that Y/N has been going through lately, it wasn’t fair to just drop such a bomb on her like that. Besides, they were just starting to get to know each other, she didn’t want to jeopardize what little they had so quickly. And she didn’t even know if Y/N liked girls, let alone if she was the slightest bit interested in Lena!

Lena’s perfectly fine with falling in love from afar right now. She’s content with staring at Y/E/C eyes, or secretly reveling in the beauty she saw on her wash days, dripping with water in all its curly glory. She was fine with going to sleep wondering what it what feel like to have her right next to her, deep in a peaceful slumber. She was okay with suffering in gay silence.

For now.

It was another day at work for Lena, taking orders and wiping down tables when a chime came from the entrance. She put on her best fake smile and prepared to say the tired out greeting. Flattening out her apron she looked up.

“Welcome to Brainy’s! How may I he- Y/N? What are you doing here?” Y/N smiled, gripping her bag a little tighter.

She smirked. “Are you not happy to see me, Ms. Luthor?” Lena rolled her eyes playfully.

“You know I always am Ms. Y/L/N. I just wasn’t expecting you is all.” Lena straightened out her posture, placing her hands on the register. “What brings you? More homework?”

Y/N laughed and shook her head. Lena’s head was spinning.

“Nope, still on winter break! I just figured I’d pop up and pay you a visit! If that’s alright…” Y/N tilted her head towards Lena, her face changing, almost like she was beginning to regret popping up. Maybe she wasn’t as close to Lena as she thought she was.

Lena recognized this and shook her head dismissively. She was thinking of me. She. Was thinking. Of me. “Of course it’s alright! As long as you don’t waiting for awhile before my break.” Lena looked at the clock. 11:57. 1 hour to go.

“I don’t mind.” Y/N raised the bag that hung across her shoulder. “I brought some music theory and compositions with me. Can I get my usual please?” She rocked up on her toes, shiny a pleasing smile (Lena’s head was really spinning) before reaching into her bag to grab her wallet.

“Sure. But you don’t need that.” Lena turned her back to go and start making a Brainiac Boost Latte, the machine whirring as Lena added the ingredients.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s on the house, as always.” Y/N was the one the roll her eyes this time.

“Oh come on, Lena. You never let me give you things. While you always get me things, buy things for me. Why can’t I do the same?”

Lena shrugged, taking the cup off the machine and placing a lid over it. “Maybe I just like spoiling you.”

Lena was glad that her back was turned, because that did not mean to slip out of her mouth.

“Well, what if I wanna spoil you, too? Can’t I?” Lena wasn’t expecting that one either. But she didn’t let it show as she turned back around and gave Y/N her drink. “Isn’t that my right?”

Lena thought and let it sink in before she shrugged again. “I suppose.”

“Thank you.” Y/N handed Lena $10, walking away quickly and sitting at the table right next to the counter.

That wasn’t her usually spot, but at least she wasn’t at a booth, Lena surmised.

There was a comfortable silence between the two. Lena was working, doing her usual, and Y/N would occasionally ask Lena questions to cease the quiet. This time it was about music.

“Do you have a favorite genre of music, Lena?” Y/N lifted her head up to watch Lena wipe away at the counters.

“Classical is up there. Always been a sucker for a good composition.” Y/N smiled, eyes slanting.

“Do you have a favorite composer? Besides me, of course.” Lena stopped her wiping, shining a signature smirk at Y/N.

“I mean you are number one on my list. But Riopy and Mozart are a close second.”

“Hm,” Y/N hummed. “Maybe your mind is greater than I thought.” Lena chuckled.

“Why do you say that?”

“No reason, I just love both of them too. Not many people appreciate Classical.”

“That’s true.” Lena paused. “I’ve always been a sucker for country too!”

Lena wasn’t ready for the way Y/N’s eyes lit up and she bounced in her seat. “Oh my god! Me too! So many people talk shit about it, and I don’t understand it.”

“Their minds aren’t as great as ours.” Lena glances at the clock, feeling giddy when she saw that it was indeed her lunch break. “Great minds do think alike, after all.”

They fall back into silence as Lena sits across from Y/N at the table. She has her art supplies, sketchbook, pencil, the whole lot. She isn’t really hit with anything to draw, that us until her eyes fell onto Y/N.

There’s something about the energy that Y/N radiates that makes Lena so inspired. She wants to capture it with her pencil, put it on paper so everyone could see what she sees. (Okay maybe not, because she doesn’t want anyone else falling in love with her Y/N. That would thoroughly complicate things.)

Lena’s in love frustrated. How do I say I want to draw you without saying I want to draw you?

By saying it, dum dum.

Oh, shut up.

“Hey Y/N?” Lena leans in a little, glancing at her work.

Y/N doesn’t lift her eyes as she mutters a ‘hm?’ in response. She’s too focused. Lena made sure to add ‘Y/N’s focused face’ in her mental archives. “Would you mind if I drew you?” There’s a stutter in Y/N’s movements. Lena’s mind goes in overdrive with anxiety.

“I- Its just that your hair…its so beautiful.” Creep much? “A-and I need practice on drawing different textures and facial features. I don’t want my art to be whitewashed and bland, I need…..a pop of color.”

Y/N snickers and Lena wrings her hands, nervous that she totally fucked up.

“What?”

“I know that wasn’t a black joke but the irony got me,” Y/N finally looks up, the sides of her eyes in crinkles as she tries to hold in her laugh. “Go ahead.”

Lena laughs and goes to a fresh new page. “You don’t have to like… look at me or anything, just do what you’re doing.”

Lena begins drawing. Starting with Y/N’s face: Heart shaped, round, perfect for her hands. She got the way Y/N her lip in concentration. She smirked when she licked her lips, knowing that Y/N was growing anxious with Lena’s eye on her. Then her hair, the way a pink bandana holds it back, taming it’s glory nature. She left the bandana out, though. She didn’t want Y/N to be tamed. She wanted her to be loose, carefree. She wanted to look at the way Y/N laughed and groaned when the strands of her hair got caught in her lip gloss. Or not care when her hair got wet after she had just straightened it. She wanted Y/N: uncensored, unfiltered, unedited.

It didn’t take long for Lena to finished her sketch. She committed every stroke to her memory, knowing for certain that this wouldn’t be the last time she drew the brown beauty sitting across from her.

Y/N was writing the last of her notes when she heard the incessant sound of the pencil on paper come to a slow halt. The sound of the long sigh fell from Lena’s lips, making her lift her head.

“Are you done?” She asked. Lena’s eyes met her own, a smile coming onto her face.

“Yeah. You wanna see?” An eye roll.

“Duh, Luthor. I gotta see how pretty you made me.” You’re already the prettiest, how could I improve something that’s already so perfect?

Lena keeps her mouth shut, grabbing her book and flipping it to show Y/N. Y/N is taken aback when she sees it, sees her. She’s drew…so meticulously. Every detail is there, every wrinkle, curve; Lena didn’t miss a thing. It looks exactly like her. Except, the Y/N on paper looks different, more serene and undisturbed.

“Is that how you see me?” Y/N asks after a while. Her eyes are staring at Lena, heart racing and cheeks hot. “So…angelic?”

“Well angels are angelic, Y/N. It’s kind of implied.” Lena quips. Y/N just smacks her lips and shoves Lena a little, forcing a chuckle out of her.

“Well, thank you. You’re really talented, Lena. This looks beautiful.” Lena shrugs and hands the drawing over to Y/N (She’s already taken a picture).

“No need to thank me. I didn’t do much. Your face is already like that, I just put it on paper.” Y/N giggles as she declines it. She wants Lena to keep it. A beautiful piece like that doesn’t need to get messed up at her grandmother’s house.

The rest of their time together is spent laughing at Y/N’s terrible attempts at drawing. She tried to draw a dog, which oddly turned out to look like an alligator. Then a baby, which ended up as a dog. And then a fruit, you don’t even want to know how that turned out.

“Don’t laugh, we all know art isn’t my thing. I just wanted to see how much I was working with.”

“Apparently not much.” Lena mumbled under her breath.

“Hey! I heard that.” Y/N laughs.

“Oops?” Another eye roll is giving before Lena glances back at the clock, her break over with.

“Well, I have to head back. This was quite a pleasant time.” Lena stands up as Y/N does, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug.

“Thank you,” Y/N utters as her face is in Lena’s shoulder. “I always have the best times when I’m with you.”

Lena feels the rush of pride through her veins. It doesn’t go away, instead it’s inflated when that new but warm feeling of love comes it. Lena welcomes them both, head cloudy as she walks out the door, a promise to text her on her lips.

She needs to kiss her.

The air is even colder than the last time Y/N was here, if not colder. White lines appeared on her hands when she scratched them, a clear indicator that it was way too cold for her to be outside.

The sun had just set, it’s red-orange light beamed on her as she walked towards the entrance, keys in hand.

She walks in, a bit more smiley and pep in her step. Lena doesn’t notice, she’s too busy cleaning up the mess that James had just made. He’d locked a cup into the machine and forgot how to unlock it. Needless to say, he’s stuck on busboy duty for a while.

Lena had just tossed the rag back into the bucket. An exhausted sigh fell out of her mouth when she walked up to the counter, not even lifting her head up just yet.

“It looks like you need the pick-me-up latte this time.” Lena subconsciously snapped her head up, an immediate smile spreading across her lips.

“Y/N!” Lena beamed. “Hey, how are you?” She quickly lets her eyes scan over Y/N’s body: a cute, fluffy blue sweater with black slacks (that hugged her curves in just the right way), fit black flats and a silver hat snug on the top of her head. She looks likes a princess and Lena melts, quite literally.

Y/M shoved her hands into her pockets, rocking on her tiptoes and trying not to fluster at the way Lena’s eyes were locked into hers.

“I’m doing alright. You?”

Lena huffed out a small laugh. Typing on the screen in front of her. “As best as I can be. I hope you don’t have to work today. It’s Christmas Eve!”

Y/N smiled to herself. Lena didn’t know that though, so when her bright white teeth caught Y/N’s eye, she nearly fainted.

“I actually don’t! Classes ended last week, but it’s not like I had anyone to celebrate it with anyways.” She shrugs. Lena feels bad.

“Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring it up. I’m over it anyways.” Lena doesn’t believe that. She lets it go, though, when Y/N shakes her head, dismissing the cute brunette with crystal eyes across from her.

“Of course you didn’t! I know that. Don’t worry about it.” Lena suddenly gets an idea in her head. Invite the pretty girl over for Christmas! Give her a present, tell her how you fell. Okay, maybe that last part was a bit…premature.

There’s a silence again. That silence. The silence that makes Lena want to close down the shop and kiss Y/N until the sun comes up.

“Spend Christmas with me.” Okay, Lena most definitely did not mean for that to come out of her mouth. Not like that at least. Y/N sputters, there’s practically smoke covering out of her ears. Lena blushes like hell.

“I mean! M-My friends and I, we have this thing we do every year, we call it friendsmas. It basically just a second Christmas, but with your friends!” Lena feels this sudden wave come over her. Was that…nervousness? Oh god.

“You’re welcome to come. I’m sure they would love you.” I do. “No one should have to spend Christmas alone.” Especially a beautiful woman like you.

Get a fucking grip, Luthor.

Y/N rocks back and forth on her toes. She’s playing with her fingers and avoiding Lena’s eyes.

“I- I don’t know. I mean I wouldn’t know anyone and I wouldn’t have a gift-”

“Just bring food.” Lena interrupts. “Literally anyone would be happy with food. They are greedy.” They both chuckle. “Only if you’re up for it, though. I would hate for you to feel uncomfortable. It’s completely your choice.” Though it would make my year if you came.

Y/N shrugs and rearranges her bag. “I’ll think about it. Anyways! I wanted to know what time you were off. There’s this cool new ice skating thingy at the lake and I wanted to know if you wanna go check it out.”

Hey! Let’s go on a date! You’re really pretty inside and out and I don’t ever wanna leave your side. Y/N didn’t say that, Lena knows. But she really wishes she did. Was this a date? Could it actually be possible that Y/N returned Lena’s feelings?

She just smiled through her thoughts, reaching behind her to take off her apron. “I’m off now, actually. Cal is already here, and of course I would love to go.”

They walked outside together. Y/N didn’t have a car, and she assumed Lena didn’t either, so she thought they were going to walk. It wasn’t until she felt a warm hand grasping hers and pulling her towards the parking lot did she realize she was wrong.

Lena pulled Y/N along, trying to memorize the way her hand felt. It was soft, smooth, but she could feel the calloused fingertips on her skin, a result of endless hours of music practice.

Y/N’s eyes bulged out of her head when they got to Lena’s car. “Wow! This car is….” “Cool?”

“Hot!” That made Lena smirk, walking over to the passenger door. She held the door open for Y/N and closed it when she was in.

They drove in basic silence the whole ride there, the good silence. It was almost natural for Lena to grab Y/N’s hand as they approached the door. She noticed her uneasiness. Maybe it was because Lena was holding her hand and she didn’t want her to. Maybe it was because it was Lena, the girl she has been wanting to kiss since she was her. Maybe it was because Y/N wanted to blurt out i like you! Into the expanse of the car, but couldn’t find the courage.

Whatever it was, it made Y/N grip Lena’s hand tighter.

When Y/N and Lena got into the rink, they were both apprehensive, though the presence of one made the other feel better. And the scenery, oh, God the scenery. They had never seen anything so peaceful. A giant Christmas tree sat behind the rink, lights wrapped all around them. Music was playing loud enough to sing along, but soft enough to keep the merry energy. Kids, friends, parents, lovers were all skating around. Laughs were heard – the sound of making memories with the ones you loved most. Y/N wanted to feel what they felt. Lena wanted to give Y/N that feeling.

Lena didn’t tell Y/N that she hated the cold, and Y/N didn’t tell Lena that she didn’t know how to skate, but they sucked it up to be in each other’s presence.

“Are you ready?” Lena was trying her best to hold in her laughter. Y/N was clinging onto the side rail, wobbly in her skates and shivering. She wasn’t even on the ice yet. She was in the entryway, scared to take the first step.

“Um, not really. I changed my mind.” She tried to bargain. “Let’s just watch christmas movies inside instead.”

Lena grabbed Y/N by the waist, easing her onto the ice. They stayed still for a bit, Lena keeping them upright when Y/N lost her balance. “I won’t let you fall.” Y/N trusted her.

And so they skated, skated for two hours. Lena teaching Y/N how to keep her balance, and Y/N giving Lena some warmth every time she failed and fell right on top of her. It was a win-win situation.

They ended up sitting on the ice (Y/N fell and didn’t feel like getting back up. Lena got down for moral support) as the fireworks were being set off.

Lena looked over at Y/N when it happened; white, green, and red illuminating across brown skin. She swore she had never seen anyone more beautiful. Y/N’s nose was a bit red, her hands clammy as she blew into the, to keep them warm. The wind blew her hair back a little when the fireworks started, big Y/E/C eyes shining brighter than the lights. Her skin was glowing. Lena knew that in that moment she was going to kiss her. She didn’t know when, but she was certain she wasn’t going to wait longer than she had to.

Y/N leaned into Lena, trying to save body heat. “Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” She asked. “I’ve never felt so…calm.” She turns to Lena after a moment, smiling brightly. “Thank you, Lena. Thank you for everything.”

Y/N moves completely on top of Lena, arms wrapping around her neck and she hugs the Luthor tight. Lena hugs back, obviously, rubbing her back and rocking them lightly. “You’re so welcome, sunshine.”

They move from the hug, but stay in close proximity of each other. After a while, they get too cold. They return their skates, grab their things and get back in the car. Two hours of cold and skating really makes you hungry, so Lena suggest Big Boy’s. Y/N, a lover of anything food, just agrees. This ride is filled with that silence too, Y/N grasping Lena’s hand.

They eat in the car. Lena paid, obviously. And when their down Lena drives Y/N back to her grandmother’s. Lena gets out the car and walks Y/N up to the door, the same spot the first time Lena wondered what Y/N’s lips tasted like.

“Did you have fun?” Y/N chuckles.

“I should be the asking you that. I’m the one that invited you. But yes, yes I did. I had the most fun I’ve ever had.” That seems to be a recurring thing whenever she’s around Lena, Y/N notices. “Thank you.”

They were silent for a few seconds, Lena tested the air. It was identical to the one last time. The same pull, same mutual desire. She could feel it. They had most definitely went on a date.

“So I’ll see you tomorrow? Will you text me the address?” Lena stared at Y/N confused for a second, but then she quickly figured out that Y/N was referring to friendsmas.

“I’ll do you one better. Let me pick you up? 7-ish?” Y/N nodded, her hands going to her back pockets. Lena was just itching to replace Y/N’s hands with hers.

“Yeah. Is there a special attire or something?”

‘Not really.” She wanted to say that Y/N looked beautiful everything so it doesn’t matter, but this time she….actually did? The blush on Y/N’s face and the small thank you that left her lips was evident enough. She actually did it!

Lena was feeling like hot shit now. “If you want, you can bring extra clothes and stuff too. We usually end up staying the night since it’s just us. But if you don’t feel comfortable, I can drive you back home.”

Y/N shook her head. No, it’s fine. I can stay, you’ll be there right? All night?”

Lena nodded. “All night and into the very late morning. I won’t leave you, sunshine. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Y/N giggled.

“Darn it! So close!” Y/N joked. Lena’s carried more weight than either of them realized. Lena meant it, she knew it and was sure Y/N knew it, since there was a smile on her face. There goes that silence again.

“Well! I guess it’s settled then. I promise you’ll love them and they’ll love you even more. Hopefully it’ll feel like home to you.” Hopefully I’ll feel like home to you.

“Thank you, a lot Lena. Really.” Y/N stands on her tiptoes, going to hug Lena for the last time that night, and pressing her lips to the corner of Lena’s mouth for the first. Y/N didn’t see the blush on Lena’s lips, thank God. She slipped in the house before Lena could open her eyes.

vi. [versus 1]

It’s Christmas! Lena wakes up smiling to herself, it’s the happiest she’s ever been. She doesn’t have any immediate family, Lillian is still in jail and her brother is…..her brother. She took the majority of her day to do some last minute shopping. She prepped some food and did her laundry.

She spend most of her day shopping for Y/N, though. She had to make sure that this day was perfect for her, which includes the perfect gift. She remembered you talking about how you loved music and time you spent the whole time studying music. She also remembers how beautiful Y/N looked, she had the portrait to prove it. Y/N told her that she wanted to play music more often, piano specifically, she just didn’t have a piano to play it on.

After she took her shower and ate some food, she made her way to the highest rated music store in national city. Lena knew that Y/N’s confession wasn’t a cry for pity, Y/N hated pity. She wasn’t trying to guilt trip Lena into buying her instruments, she just felt comfortable enough to tell Lena these things. That doesn’t mean Lena wasn’t going to buy you one anyways.

“Hi! Welcome! Do you need help in finding anything?” An employee greeted Lena as she walked into the store. She smiled, shifting in her shoes.

“Yes actually, I’m doing some last minute shopping and I was wondering where you keyboards were.” Justin, the associate, smiled.

“Yes! Right this way.” Justin led Lena to the back of the store, immediately they were surrounded by piano keys. “Were you looking for full size or partial?”

“Full size. Which one is the closest to an actual grand?”

“That would be…..” Justin trailed walking around. Lena followed. “This one right here, Yamaha Arius YDP-143. It’s one of the newest, digital but has everything that an acoustic piano would have: weighted keys, pedals, the lot.” Lena nodded her head, satisfied.

“That’ll work, thank you. ” She watched as Justin called another associate to assist in bringing the keyboard to the front.

Lena picked the one that looked the best: Black, sleek, pretty. Just like Y/N, she thought. She mentioned that she would like your name engraved at the top, and made her way to check out.

Meanwhile, Y/N was out buying something for Lena. Art was her favorite, Y/N knew that much. Lena probably had every art supply there way, so she wasn’t even sure the gift would mean anything to Lena. I mean, look at her car: freaking immaculate.

She bought them anyways though. Easel, paint, brushes, pencils of all sorts, it was safe to say Y/N was officially broke. She left that store and went to another, buying ingredients for Empanadas, fruit salad and brownies. She wasn’t going to show up empty handed. She needed to make a good impression, she needed to stop wallowing in her grandmother’s sun room being lonely, and she needed to put herself out there. She was thankful Lena had given her the opportunity.

Y/N wrapped the easel, paint, and brushes carefully. She spent a lot of money on these and would be damned if they got messed up before she could even give them to Lena. She prayed that Lena would like these.

The hours fly by and Lena is trying to get dressed, trying being the key word. She was freaking out. She dropped the gift at Kara’s place in advanced, it was too big of a gift to just hide in the trunk, you know. Besides Kara was a doll and lifted it with ease.

She’s stressed out over her outfit. She has to pick an outfit that says look at m e! but not one that says look at me! …Lena was having a hard time understanding it herself.

There was so much she wanted to do tonight: introduce Y/N to her friends, make her happy, hopefully she’ll make friends, hopefully she’ll like the gift, confess feelings and kiss her! She really, really wanted to kiss her. With consent of course, but what better day than the day of love and giving.

She decided to go with something simple, black jeans and cute Christmas sweater. She had simple black boots on and her hair was straightened down her back. When it’s getting close to 6:45 she pulls out her phone and texts Y/N.

hey, sunshine. i’m on my way. be there in 15 x

Y/N was sitting on the porch when Lena pulled up, way too anxious to just be sitting in the house. She smiled when she saw the white Tesla in her driveway. She picked up the art materials first, wrapped in pink and yellow paper. It wasn’t the best since Y/N hasn’t had a Christmas in a while, but it was decent.

Lena jumps out to help Y/N with the gifts, giving her a kiss on the cheek when they met each other. Lena doesn’t dare ask what it is and who it’s for, she just slides it in the backseat.

Y/N runs back and grabs the containers of food and gets in the car, Lena closing it behind her. Y/N bounces her leg up and down, shaking her hands out. Lena takes her seat, putting the car into drive.

“Ready?” She asks.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Y/N smiles weakly, her leg bouncing faster. Lena notices and nudges Y/N’s shoulder.

“You’ll be fine, Y/N. I promise. None of them bite. And if they do….bite them back.” They both laugh at that, Y/N rubbing her hands over her thighs.

“I know, I’m just a little nervous is all. Thank you again for inviting me, Lena. It means a lot.”

Lena scoffs playfully as she stops at a red light. “Stop thanking me, Y/L/N. There’s no need. Just relax, feel the moment, be happy.” Y/N exhales a deep breath, trying to follow Lena’s instructions.

It wasn’t long before they got to the party. As soon as the door was opened, a blonde girl with glasses smiled and gave her a big hug.

“You must be Y/N! It’s so nice to meet you! Lena talks about you nonstop!” Lena shot Kara a whatthefuckwhywouldyousaythat look.

“It’s great to meet you too, Kara.”

They stepped inside and Y/N was immediately greeted by everyone. She met Winn who was dating James. Alex who was dating Maggie. Cal, who’s she seen a few time at the cafe, was dating Nia. She felt at home right away, they were laughing and giggling. Christmas music played in the background.

Y/N was dancing around with Alex when she heard her name being called. “Please tell me you’re coming over for game night.” Her voice was muffled, a warm Empanada in her mouth.

“Yeah! These brownies are freaking delicious! Not too much chocolate, not too bitter. Perfect.” Winn.

Y/N blushed. They actually wanted her to come.

“You guys only like her for her food, so shallow.” Maggie came over and wrapped her arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “She should come back because she’s so great to be around, idiots.” Maggie turned to Y/N. “Seriously kid, you’re like a breath of fresh air.”

Y/N only muttered out a small thank you and sure before Nia came and demanded to give gifts. She zoned for the most part of that, she was too nervous about whether Lena would like her gift or not. If she would say thanks, but no thanks. Or be disappointed that she didn’t anything better.

“Okay! Lena your turn.” Y/N broke herself out of her thoughts. She forced herself up and walked over to the tree. “These are for you, it’s not much but I hope you like it.”

Lena gasped to herself. Y/N got her a gift? She wasn’t expecting that. Tears sprang to her eyes when she opened the gift. She’d been wanting these paints and brushes for months. She never got them because she figured she had other things to worry about.

“I love it, Y/N.” Lena got up to hug the girl that was literally quaking in her boots, well… fuzzy socks. She squeezed tighter when she felt a breath of relief coming from Y/N’s mouth.

“I actually have a gift for you too, but it’s in the other room.” No one paid them any mind as they walked to the guest room, they just finished exchanging gifts. Lena stopped right before the door, telling Y/N to cover her eyes.

“Why? You aren’t going to kill me, right?”

“Of course not, too many witnesses.” Lena smirked and Y/N laughed. She covered her eyes, goosebumps raising on her skin as Lena led her inside.

“Okay…. Open!” Y/N let her hands fall, eyes widening like little moons when she saw the keyboard box. She immediately teared up.

“You didn’t.” Lena stepped next to Y/N, a light smile on her face.

“I did.” Y/N stammered, looking between Lena and the box on the floor.

“Lena you… You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“I can’t take this.” Lena frowns and steps in front of Y/N.

“Why not?” She asked. “You deserve it, more than anyone I know.” Lena steps closer, invading Y/N’s personal space. She could feel Y/N breath as she looked up at her.

“You’ve already done so much for me, I….I don’t wanna seem like a moocher.” Lena chuckled at Y/N use of words. She feels a surge of confidence flood her veins.

“You aren’t a moocher, sunshine. You’re just a pretty girl that I wanna spoil and give the world to.” Her hand came up to cup Y/N’s face, heart swelling when Y/N leans into her touch.

This is the moment, the one Lena has been waiting for. Where that air is flowing around them, entrapping the two in their own bubble.

Lena takes a deep breath and places her other hand on Y/N’s cheeks. She feels her heart race as Y/N looks up at her with those big Y/E/C eyes, full of wonder and curiosity. Lena continues.

“From the first moment I laid my eyes on you, the girl with the best hair and the smoothest brown skin I have ever seen. All stressed out. It broke my heart seeing you like that, and I knew I would do everything to make you feel safe, happy, protect you. And when you spoke, and showed me your heart time and time again. I know that this is what I’m supposed to be doing. Can you let me do that?”

Lena can tell that Y/N is processing her words. Her eyes move all around Lena’s face. Lena knew she was looking for any sign of hesitation, insincerity, anything that would lead to believe that this was all a joke, too good to be true. But when she didn’t find any she nodded her head, leaning herself more into Lena’s hands.

“Can I kiss you?” Lena asked. Y/N stared and nodded again. As soon as their lips touched, there were fireworks. Y/N was shy, so Lena took her hands and placed them on her shoulders. She felt Y/N grip them and pull herself closer, almost like she was just know coming to her senses. Lena’s hands went back to Y/N’s cheeks, squishing her cheeks.

They pulled away when it was hard to breathe. Y/N immediately giggled and hide her face. Lena smiled. “Are you okay? Was that okay?” Y/N nodded.

“I’m fine and that was more than okay.” She smiled up at Lena, like a happy puppy.

“There’s something else.” Lena squinted. Y/N ducked her head again, covering her face it her hands. Her words were muffled.

“What?”

“That was my first kiss.” Lena’s eyes widened. She was glad Y/N didn’t see, that would’ve been bad. Instead, she put on a sly smile, wrapping her arms around Y/N.

“Well, I hope your first kiss wasn’t too bad.” Y/N looked from her position on Lena’s chest.

“It was great, really great.” She smiled. “Just….why the keyboard?”

“Every future famous composer needs one, right? Rather sooner than later.”

“But….” Y/N cringed at house broke she was. “It’s fucking expensive.”

“I would’ve gotten you a baby grand, I just didn’t wanna scare you away.” Lena panicked. “I hope this didn’t scare you away.” Y/N shook her head.

“This most definitely didn’t, it did the opposite.” Y/N took a chance and stood on her toes to press a kiss to Lena’s lips again, smiling widely. “Thank you, you can’t expect me to not say it when you spent two-thousand dollars on me.”

Lena just laughs. “Fine, I’ll let it slide. You’re worth it, sunshine.”

bonus!

It’s raining when Lena hears a knock on her door. She didn’t know it was a knock at first, it was 2am and raining cats and dogs, she couldn’t decipher much.

All she had been caring about was why her girlfriend (it feels so good for her to say that) hadn’t texted her back in a few days. Lena wasn’t clingy, no, she was protective, worried. She wanted her baby safe, and understood that sometimes she couldn’t spend her days wrapped up in Y/N. Clingy was not a word Lena associated herself with.

Y/N usually texted back relatively fast. There were moments when she was driving or cleaning or working that delayed her response by a bit. But Lena would always get a reply – whether it be a full blown text or a simple emoji to let Lena know she was alright – there was always something. It had been two days, and Lena was starting to lose her mind.

“Alright! I’m coming, Jesus!” The person banged on her door again, more frantic. Lena yanked the door open, ready to eat into whoever it was ass.

“What the fuck is your problem? Baby? Oh my god what are you doing!? Get in here!” A wide eyed Lena ushered a shivering Y/N into her house. She immediately led Y/N to her room, helping her get rid of her wet clothes.

“I’m- I’m sorry for not texting you back. There was just so much going on and my grandmother-” Y/N had choked up on her words and Lena immediately dropped her spare clothes, pulling Y/N’s body into her own. She couldn’t care less about the fact that her girlfriend was naked, all Lena cared about was the fact that she was shaking with sobs. This reminded Lena of the first time she held Y/N in her arms as she cried, she hated it then, and she hated it now. No one deserves to be this hurt, especially not her baby.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Lena said. She immediately assumed the worse when Y/N wrapped her arms around Lena’s neck, face burying deep into her shoulder as she cried even harder.

Lena felt her heart clench. Tears sprang to her eyes as she laid on her back, Y/N on top of her as she rubbed her back. Y/N’s hair was still wet, it was probably going to get matted without a proper detangling but Y/N didn’t care and neither did Lena.

“It’s gonna be alright, baby. It’s gonna be alright, I promise.” Lena shushed.

A few minutes later her cries died down. Y/N held onto Lena with a vice grip, her face still in her neck.

“I’m a good person, right?”

“Of course, the best. Why do you ask?”

Y/N lifted her head and Lena’s heart broke and she gazed into her girlfriend’s red eyes. She had never seen Y/N so….defeated, like a child who no longer had anyone to guide them, take care of them.

“Why do bad things always happen to me?” Tears fell from your eyes. “What did I ever do that warrants me to keep getting hurt like this?”

“You know what they say, baby. The world’s toughest soldiers fight the world’s toughest battles.” She frowned as she held Y/N’s face, her thumb rubbing in circles.

“Well I may not be that strong, I feel like I’m ready to break.” Y/N sighed and laid her head back down on her girlfriend. “Hell, I’m already cracking at the edges.”

“Well, it looks like I’m gonna have to be the E6000 to make sure you don’t.” Y/N chuckled. She didn’t say anything, just played with Lena’s figured and yawned a few times.

“I told my grandmother about us.” If Lena wasn’t searching for Y/N’s voice she wouldn’t have caught it, she was speaking so soft. Lena looked down at Y/N, brushing the hair from her forehead.

“Yeah?”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, I wish I hadn’t though. Maybe then I’d still have a place to live.” Lena stopped, a sudden rage flooding her veins as she processed Y/N’s words.

“Y/N….” Lena began.

“Yeah she did it. She kicked me out. I couldn’t even process what she said afterwards, I was just so… shocked. My own grandmother, the same grandmother that said I was her favorite and she would love me no matter what. Just….poof.”

Lena didn’t say anything this time. Trying to calm her anger before she said something she regretted. It wasn’t about her, it was about the angel with broken wings laying on her chest. She got herself together.

“I’m sorry, baby.” She kissed Y/N’s head. “I know how hard that is.” Y/N hugged Lena closer.

“Yeah, she hasn’t even met you and she made these dumb assumptions. It was crazy.” Y/N sat up suddenly. “And she told me I could stay if we broke up.” An eye roll.

Panic settled in Lena’s body. “And what did you say?”

“I told her tough shit.” Whew. “There’s no way I’m gonna ruin the best thing in my life because she’s a shitty grandmother and can’t accept the fact that I like girls. That’s not my problem.”

Lena rubbed her hands along Y/N’s side. “I’m the best thing in your life?” She smirked and Y/N leaned in, pressing her lips to Lena’s.

“Without a doubt. You’re the only one that hasn’t left yet, and you make me happier than I ever thought I would be. I lo-” She stopped herself, Lena needed her to keep going. “Thank you.”

“What did I tell you about all those thank you’s? It’s nothing at all. And I’m never going to leave you if I have anything to say about it. As long as you want me, I’m gonna be here.” She kissed Y/N again, pressing into her girlfriend’s hips and smiling at the sigh that fell into her mouth.

“Do you think you could help me find a place?” Y/N asked as they pulled away. “I wanna be out of there in 2 weeks tops.”

Lena smiled. “I could have you in a new place by tomorrow.” Y/N rolled her eyes and laughed at her overachieving girlfriend.

“And where would that be, Ms. Luthor?” She rested her hands on Lena’s stomach.

“You’re already in it, Ms. Y/L/N.” A smile took over Y/N’s face.

“Wow, I didn’t peg you to be a U-Haul babe.”

“Oh, shut up.” Laughter fell from Lena’s lips as she pinched Y/N’s thigh. That made Y/N laugh, her head lulling back.

“Seriously though, you’d let me move in? Are you ready for that?”

“Baby I have been ready for you to move in since I first spoke to you.” Okay maybe she was a U-Haul. “I was serious when I said my door was always open for you.”

“So you weren’t just saying that to get my number?” Y/N squinted.

“It wasn’t the motivator of my intentions, no. That was just a bonus.” Y/N giggled.

“Are we going to be living together?”

“If you want to be, my love. It’s up to you. If you’re not ready, then first thing in the morning we can go apartment hunting.” Lena sat up herself, wrapping her arms around Y/N’s middle and kissing her chest.

Y/N grabbed Lena’s face to kiss her once again. She pulled Lena as close as possible.

“I think I’m ready. ‘Honey, I’m home!’ is going to sound great coming out my mouth.” Lena smiled brighter than ever, wrapping her arms around Y/N tighter.

“I can’t wait to hear it, baby.” Lena really couldn’t. She couldn’t wait to wake up with Y/N every morning. It didn’t even have to be in the same bed, just knowing that her girlfriend, her baby, her everything was going to be within a 500 foot radius was enough. Getting to cuddle when it’s cold, eat breakfast food together at 3pm, seeing her damn beautiful face was enough. It was everything to Lena.

“I know that you hate when I say thank you but I have to.” Y/N looked into Lena’s eyes. “Everything you’ve done for me, out of nothing but genuine want and need. For being my safe place when I didn’t have one. Being my calm when I was spiraling. Being my sunshine when all I could see was darkness, it means more than you know.”

“You don’t have to s-”

“Thank you, Lena. Thank you, a latte.” Y/N started at Lena for a few seconds before she burst into a fit of giggles. “Do you get it? Because I would always get a Latte, and it sounds like a lot, but it’s latte.” Lena laughed along with her girlfriend, she’s in love with a complete dork.

“I get it, baby.” She kissed Y/N’s nose. “I love it. I love it so much but not as much as I love you.” Y/N’s eyes lit up at Lena’s words, smashing her lips onto her girlfriend’s.

Lena felt tears hit their lips. She knew they were Y/N’s, she knew they were happy tears. She could feel the sheer emotion transferring from her girlfriend to her and she knew Y/N loved her too.

Neither one of them has ever been this happy.

#lena luthor #lena luthor x reader #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor x female reader #supergirl imagine #wlw #supergirl wlw #wlw imagine #female reader insert #female reader #x female reader #imagine your otp #dc imagines #madi writes

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pivitor · 4 years

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My Top 10 Albums of 2019

2019 will go down, for me, as the year my beloved iPod died, and I finally bit the bullet and signed up for Spotify Premium. Thus, I listened to more new music in 2019 than I ever have before, and realized how much of it I found disposable. Bands I grew up loving put out mediocre efforts, new darlings grew in directions I wasn’t interested in following, but thank god, thank god there are still plenty of terrific musicians putting out work that resonates deep within my soul. Music is subjective, so I wouldn’t dare call this a “best of” list, but below are the ten new releases of 2019 that I listened to the most, vibed with the most, that just plain ol’ meant the most to me this year.

(PS: Don’t think too much about the exact order and ranking here. It changed multiple times even as I was writing this. What really matters is that all ten of these records rule)

10. Radar State -- Strays

Radar State are the Avengers of the early 2000s mid-west emo scene -- a band combining The Get Up Kids’ Matt Pryor and Jim Suptic, The Anniversary’s Josh Berwanger, and The Architects’ Adam Phillips into a single supergroup. Pryor has described the project as “just having fun with [his] friends,” and that dynamic shines through loud and clear in Strays. It’s like each member is pushing the next to just create the catchiest song they possibly can, and the competition leads to great results; Pryor favors fast and sloppy punk and Berwanger moody earworms that fuse themselves into your brain through sheer repetition, but it’s Suptic who fulfills that edict best with his shiny, addictive pop love songs. Radar State never quite hits the emotional highs of its members’ main projects, but that was never the point in the first place; Strays is just fun from front to back, and it’s an album I’ve returned to consistently throughout the entirety of 2019.

Highlights: Making Me Feel, Self-Hurt Guru, Artificial Love

9. The Early November -- Lilac

Lilac is an album about learning from your mistakes and making a conscious choice to be better, and it’s a theme, an ethos that truly defines this release on every level. The Early November originally planned to release Lilac back in 2018, but ended up scrapping the original recording and going back to the drawing board, knowing that they could do better, and funneling that ambition, all their lessons learned, into their most ambitious release outside of The Mother, The Maker, and the Path (“but less self-indulgent,” I say with love). Horns, piano, and a wide variety of tempos spice up the proceedings, and the lyrics are more raw and honest than ever, but Lilac’s greatest weapon is the vocals, which Ace Enders wields with virtuoso skill. He plays with different cadences and deliveries, giving every song a unique feel, moving from soft and pleasant (“Perfect Sphere [Bubble]”) to menacing (“My Weakness”), from the joy of “Ave Maria” to the cathartic, powerhouse vocal explosion of “Hit By A Car (Euphoria)” to the pure, crackling, barely contained emotional breakdown threatening to burst right out of the chorus of “Our Choice.” There’s no other vocalist out there quite like Ace Enders -- and no other record quite like Lilac.

Highlights: Hit By A Car (In Euphoria), Ave Maria, Comatose

8. Magazine Beach -- Sick Day (EP)

Most year-end lists probably overlooked this record, a debut four-song EP from a small DIY band released in mid-December, and man oh man are those critics missing out. Sick Day isn’t just the biggest and best musical surprise I received all year, but quite possibly the most fun I had listening to music in 2019. Seriously, I played this on loop probably two dozen times the day I discovered it, and spent that evening forcing friends to listen to it too. Magazine Beach’s tongue-in-cheek lyrics, gonzo riffs, and stunning background harmonies are combined with vocals whose flatter, sardonic tone initially masks, but soon reveals their perfect cadence and quick crackles of emotion; they’re as close to a perfect pop-punk package as I heard all year, with their quirky, relatable songs about flaky friends, overstuffed social calendars, and other mid-twenties challenges filling that gaping Modern-Baseball-You’re-Gonna-Miss-It-All-shaped hole in my heart. If this had released earlier in the year, and I’d had more time to see how long it truly stuck with me, it might have placed far, far higher on this list, but either way I look forward to carrying this album forward with me into 2020, and I look forward to following Magazine Beach’s future career closely. I think they could go places.

Highlight: Living Room

7. Masked Intruder -- III

It’s easy to look at Masked Intruder and think that they’re more of an act than a band, just because they’re so good at playing hardened-yet-harmless criminals on stage, at enchanting an audience with their antics and banter alone. Thankfully, they’re equally skilled as musicians as they are performers; III isn’t just quick content for their live shows, but an entertaining, addictive, artfully made pop-punk record in its own right. Okay, maybe pop-punk is a bit too restrictive a descripter -- between the doo-wop, call-and-response harmonies and the raging riffs and solos, III sometimes sounds like a modern spin on sixties rock and roll, which is something I did not know I needed but absolutely needed. The lyrics never break kayfabe, but there’s some real clever stuff going on beneath the surface of these silly crime-themed love songs; contrasting the creepiness of Blue’s romantic pursuits with the shenanigans of a typical radio love song shows how few differences there actually are between the two, how creepy the entire genre is when you stop to give it any thought. It’s thoughtful and subversive without ever being preachy, just one more spinning plate kept perfectly balanced in the act that is III.

Highlights: Not Fair, Maybe Even, I’m Free (At Last)

6. Martha -- Love Keeps Kicking

Martha’s secret weapon is the empathy and compassion their songs cultivate for their subjects. Love Keeps Kicking is an album largely about the way love can kick you when you’re down, yet throughout the album Martha never villainizes even the bad actors in relationships. “Into This” finds the narrator jerked around by a potential partner who just won’t clarify what they are to each other, but the song isn’t out to attack the partner, simply to get a solid answer. Likewise, “Love Keeps Kicking” lays out a myriad of detailed complaints about romance and relationships, not to insult, but simply to find a way to endure them. “Orange Juice” rues the way the narrator diluted their partner just by being with them, showing impressive (and heartbreaking) levels of self-awareness. That kind of emotional maturity and complexity makes the true love songs (“Sight For Sore Eyes,” “Wrestlemania VIII”) all the more joyous, and makes their social commentary (“Mini Was A Preteen Arsonist”) that much more effective. Martha are a wonderfully catchy, fun band filled with great harmonies and British twang, but it’s their earnest, compassionate storytelling that truly made me fall in love with them, and with Love Keeps Kicking.

Highlights: Wrestlemania VIII, Love Keeps Kicking, Orange Juice

5. Aaron West and the Roaring Twenties -- Routine Maintenance

Hot take (?) incoming: Dan Campbell is the best songwriter of our generation. I already sang his praises pretty thoroughly last year when discussing my favorite album of 2018, but Routine Maintenance is just further proof of this truth, almost Campbell flexing. The previous Aaron West record was a character study of the worst year of a man’s life, but Routine Maintenance expands Aaron’s world in terms of scope, characters, and themes, all to the project’s (and character’s) benefit. The record is a tale of redemption, taking Aaron from rock bottom to a new place of security, all through the power of friendship and community, the power of music, and the power of family, of fulfilling your responsibilities to them, of finding your role and your home wherever you are, with the people who care about you, with people you can make proud. They’re themes Campbell has been exploring throughout his entire career, but brought down to a more personal level, and somehow that makes them hit harder than ever, perhaps because it makes the way they can fit into any listener’s life that much clearer. I’ve cried listening to this album. I’ve cried hearing these songs live. There’s true, true catharsis on Routine Maintenance, and it’s because Campbell’s taken Aaron West on a real journey, and it’s one I feel blessed to have been able to follow.

Highlights: Runnin’ Toward the Light, Rosa & Reseda, Winter Coats

4. Pkew Pkew Pkew -- Optimal Lifestyles

Pkew Pkew Pkew’s 2016 self-titled debut was an album told solely in the present tense, not worried about the future, but simply about the drinks, pizza, skateboarding, and parties to be had right here, right now. It was a blisteringly fun, gang-vocals filled powerhouse of a record that solidified Pkew Pkew Pkew as one of my new favorite bands. Optimal Lifestyles, though, is an album that has started to look back, if only to question the present. Are they still content to be these same fun-loving, hard-drinking party guys? Ultimately, as proven by lyrics such as “Shred until you’re dead, or until you break your wrist again” and “We lead thirsty little lives, and all we want’s another,” the answer they come to is a resounding “yes,” but the journey they take to find that answer not only makes it feel earned, but opens Pkew Pkew Pkew to some exciting new songwriting avenues, be it the touching introspection of “Drinkin’ Days” or the surprisingly beautiful nostalgia of “Everything’s the Same” (or even the more raucous nostalgia of “Mt. Alb,” for that matter). Don’t let words like “introspection” and “beautiful” scare you, though -- The Boys still rock as hard as ever, as the wailing, chugging guitars and even a totally rockin’ saxophone solo fully attest to (though I do miss all the gang vocals). And I’d be remiss to not mention “I Wanna See A Wolf,” an absolute songwriting clinic. In only a minute and nineteen seconds, Pkew Pkew Pkew takes a simple statement -- “I wanna see a wolf” -- and unravels it until it reveals a song about longing for freedom from the careers that cage our lives, even when they’re our dream. I don’t know if Pkew Pkew Pkew could have written this song three years ago. Talk about growth.

Highlights: I Wanna See A Wolf, Point Break, Adult Party

3. The Get Up Kids -- Problems

After their most popular record -- 1999’s Something To Write Home About -- the Get Up Kids’ next three albums all went on to be incredibly divisive among their fans. While all three records showed significant creative growth, none really sounded like what came before (personally, I very much enjoyed two of those records -- sorry, There Are Rules -- but I guess I’m not most fans). Problems, though, sounds like the natural evolution of Something To Write Home About without ever feeling derivative of it -- it sounds more like “the Get Up Kids” than anything the Get Up Kids have released in over a decade, which is an incredibly exciting thing let me tell you. Yet, Problems still benefits from everything the band has learned in that time: there’s new introspection (“The Problem Is Me”), a wider storytelling scope (“Lou Barlow”), and a shift from wallowing in their own pain to examining the pain of others (“Satellite,” which Matt Pryor has said is based on one of his sons). Problems also manages to pack in absolute bangers like “Fairweather Friends,” sensitive, tender ballads like “The Advocate,” and mid-tempo jams like “Salina,” a guaranteed future Emo classic that threatens to dethrone the Kids’ own “Central Standard Time” as The Quintessential Emo Song. Problems is the synthesis of just about everything that has ever made the Get Up Kids special, and it not only makes for one of the year’s best albums, but one of the Get Up Kids’ best as well.

Highlights: Fairweather Friends, Lou Barlow, Salina

2. PUP -- Morbid Stuff

The A-Side of Morbid Stuff is perfect -- a legitimately flawless five song stretch of punk rock that continues to blow my mind almost ten months after its release. The unmistakable opening notes of “Morbid Stuff”; that irresistible background riff from the bridge returning in “Kids’” second chorus, combined with some of the most nihilisticly romantic lyrics I’ve ever heard; the raucous sing-along that is “Free At Last”; the purest, most undiluted diss-track of the year in “See You At Your Funeral”; and, finally, the best song of the year bar none, “Scorpion Hill,” a sonic journey through multiple musical genres, telling a story of uniquely American misery that legitimately moves me to tears. The B-Side doesn’t quite live up to these first five tracks -- there’s a couple stand-outs (“Bare Hands” needs to make it into a live set pronto), a couple songs more interesting in concept than execution (sorry, “Full Blown Meltdown”), and a few more perfectly fine, standard PUP tunes (and I swear I don’t mean that as an insult!) -- but, well, how could it ever really have anyway? All together, it still makes for an outrageously enjoyable album that reaches the upper echelons of what 2019’s new music had to offer. That PUP was not only such a terrific band right out of the gate, but has remained so this far into their career, makes me so, so happy.

Highlights: Scorpion Hill, Kids, Free At Last

1. The Menzingers -- Hello Exile

It took me a few listens -- and, truthfully, seeing it played live -- to truly crack this album. At first it was a bit too slow, the vocals a bit too filtered, but once it clicked, I lived and breathed Hello Exile and nothing else for months. The slightly slower pace gives the Menzingers a chance to play around with some new musical tricks, be it the back-and-forth opening or the fun background guitar melodies of “Strangers Forever” or the almost hypnotic vocal melodies in the choruses of “Portland” or “Hello Exile,” and they pay off with great effect. Lyrically the Menzingers are at the top of their game; tracks like “High School Friend” and “Strain Your Memory” are more adept than ever at painting stories that make you nostalgic for a life you never even lived, but absolutely feel like you have, and lines like “it only hurts til’ it doesn’t” hit your heart with sniper-like precision. “Anna” may be the quintessential Menzingers song, a tale of longing, love, and location that drove the entire scene into a frenzy that still hasn’t subsided. “Farewell Youth” is the best closing track the Menzingers have ever released, a song about grief in multiple forms that manages to find poignant takes on each and every one of them. I’m not yet sure whether Hello Exile is the beginning or the end of a chapter for the Menzingers, but either way, it’s clearly an essential and unmissable part of their story, and one I feel privileged to be able to experience.

Highlights: Anna, Strangers Forever, Farewell Youth

#pivitor #the menzingers #pup the band #the get up kids #aaron west and the early twenties #pkew pkew pkew #martha #masked intruder #magazine beach #the early november #radar state

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