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phas3d · 2 months

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Caught You || Tom Riddle

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: cringe, idc that he's "out of character" i'm delusional and stopped taking my meds

summary :: you catch your "evil" classmate doing very un-evil things, dare I say, kind things

Tom loves the idea of being an ultimate evil, having no redeeming traits in order to solidify himself as the strongest villain within the Wizarding world. But, he tends to fail his goal almost weekly.

Normally, Tom is able to keep secrets very well. For crying out loud, this man drafted, constructed, and furnished a whole fucking "chamber of secrets" without a single teacher knowing. But you, for some odd reason, were able to catch him over and over again.

It first started when one day you were going out for a walk to clear your mind after getting into a heated debate with your friend on some stupid topic. You marched down to the Black Lake for peace, only to get stopped in your tracks as you heard a voice.

"You know, for a homeless cat, you're pretty fat." You heard a deep voice say softly.

With gentle steps, you moved towards the sound and hid behind a tree as you saw Tom Riddle, the evilest and meanest boy in Hogwarts, cooing and feeding a chubby black cat, (he wasn't joking, the cat was on the brink of being a circle). You held your breathe, knowing that the slightest sound will alert Tom's hyper sensitive senses.

"I don't understand how you can survive in the wild when you can barely walk at 2 miles per hour." He continued to roast the poor cat, thank god the cat didn't understand.

You smiled on instinct and from that motion Tom was aware of you. It was scary and concerning how good he was at sensing people around him. It was as if he could hear your flesh tense up in order to create the small smile on your face.

"Shit..." You hear him say under his breathe, covering his face with his hand from embarrassment. For once, he was scared. If anything, he was mortified of the idea of turning around and facing someone he knew or even worse, respected!

To save him from the pain of having to ask you to come out, you stepped out on your own accord. "You're really mean to him" You say with a small chuckle as you glanced down to see Tom still squatting in front of the fat cat.

A sigh left Tom's lips, he got up from his squatted position and it quickly reminded you how he was able to tower over you. He turned to face you, holding two cans of empty cat food. You didn't know cats super well, but you did know they ate very small portions. From the two empty and licked clean tin cans, you could instantly tell that TOM was the reason why that cute cat was so fat.

It was like Tom was able to read your mind as he quickly defended himself, "Usually, there are more cats to feed but his fat ass could smell the container from miles away. So, blame him for overeating."

You couldn't help but notice how Tom's voice was less soft, sounding like his usual self. Although his voice to the cat wasn't extremely different, you could tell there was only pure admiration wrapped into his vocal chords as he spoke to the cat versus pure neutrality when he spoke to you.

Unsure of what to say, you stayed silent. You've tried to talk to Tom multiple times before and it's never ended well. In school you would try to create small talk but he would shut it down with 1 word answers. When you did succeed in a conversation lasting more than 2 sentences back and forth, any attempt to learn more about him was shut down by a dirty side-eye from him, silently tell you to shut up.

You were doing your best to think of a reply but you couldn't before Tom reached into his robe's pockets and pulled out two tins of cat food. He looked down into your eyes as he waited for you to take them.

With a smile, you happily grabbed the two tins and began to follow behind him as he took you to where the cats usually were.

From then on, you began to feed the cats with Tom as often as you could. It went from you joining him once a week to everyday. The cats began to remember your faces and scents as they instantly crowded you and Tom with small meows and rubs of their heads.

This tradition carried on for days and months, making your bond with Tom stronger as each day passed until he finally began to open up to you and start conversation. From that, you felt an instant spark and began to become friends with him which transitioned into a relationship.

Even after you both graduated from Hogwarts, you two would still visit the Black Lake to feed the cats, like an old elderly couple that feeds birds.

#tom riddle #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle x y/n #voldemort #voldemort x reader #slytherin #slytherin boys #harry potter #harry potter x reader #cat #cats of tumblr #oneshot #fluff #harry potter fluff #hogwarts

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bangtanpromptsfics · 3 years

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pyxis.

dialogue prompt #9: “Cheer up it's Christmas Eve, sweetheart”

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: christmas au, brother's best friend au, fluff, childhood friends to lovers

word count: 3,412 (oh no)

warnings: reader is a lil sad but nothing angsty tho

summary: christmas was always an eager wait. less for the tree decorations, family dinner and the fuss of toddlers. more for your childhood best friend who you kissed under a mistletoe years back.

a/n: ahhh!!! I'm not completely satisfied with how this turned out to be. the inspiration was from a few christmas themed fics I read here and the movie ‘It's Christmas, Eve’. anyway this was my attempt though it's nowhere near christmas time. one of my personal goals is to celebrate a christmas like the west, the snow, the fuss and the commotion ;-;. Also I lost sense of time and space and this turned out to be 3k ;-;

masterlist

“Cheer up it's christmas eve, sweetheart”, your mother chimes as she pours brown batter into little cupcake moulds.

You simply smile at her, the festive mood not really getting to you because of exhaustion. Uni was tough, and enjoying this Christmas when you know you have tons of essays due in a few days was hammering inside your brain every now and then.

“Is that chocolate?”, you ask, leaning your tired body on the counter where she is at work.

“And orange”, she smiles, turning around to preheat the oven.

“Where's Jin”. Though you hated the routinely flicks against your forehead, the absence of your big brother felt weird.

“He went with Jimin to get the Christmas tree”.

The mention of Jimin brings a smile to your face. His soft features and captivating grin filling your head. If there was one of the few things you enjoyed coming back to your hometown for holidays, it's chocolate cupcakes your mom bakes and Jimin.

His family are friends with yours after all. You, Jin and Jimin attended the same school until college and other priorities in life drift you apart. Though the bond must have rusted a bit, you can't deny the fact that you still have that crush which started somewhere in middle school, on a chritmas eve like this when he kissed your cheeks shyly under the mistletoe. Your friends and family, and even Jimin himself must have seen it nothing more than platonic, but you still find yourself relieving the moment in your head however crazy it may sound.

Standing up straight, you decide to fix your bed hair and complete the skincare routine before the said duo drops.

“Mrs. Y/L/n...”, Jimin softly kicks the back door. He is carrying one end of a huge fir, and your brother on the other end, grunting from the freezing snow outside.

“Oh dear place it right there”, you mother is quick to her feet helping the boys and doing her usual commentary on how well the tree looked.

Jimin looks more handsome than ever, especially with his nose and cheeks dusted in scarlet from the cold. He looks really huggable in his fluffy sweaters and red beanie. Jin is busy commanding around so you choose to sit back, a very typical sibling energy and the size of decoration boxes and the tree itself not really appetizing to your will to find any strength.

“Hey Y/n!”, Jimin stares back at your eyes in a split moment which has your lashes fluttering suddenly. You probably look like you are carrying a disease and right now you become very hyper aware of that.

“You alright? You look tired”, he comments. You feel his eyes carefully studying the black under your eyes and worrying his mind because that's what he is like. He cares about everyone and everything, has a heart so soft it hurts to even think about it.

“Jet lag...”, you say, “I'll be fine”. You shoot a little thumbs up on his way to reassure.

“Why didn't Jin get the tree earlier? It's Christmas in a few hours”, you dodge the focus around you and walk near in an attempt to closely examine the tree for no reason other than feeling Jimin’s eyes a little too long on you.

Your brother gets visibly annoyed seeing you start a very unnecessary talk. So he is completely obliged to shoot back with, “Because you were in charge of Christmas decorations this year but your lazy ass flew down here only yesterday”.

“You know I was busy with Uni!”

“Whatever”, he shrugs, getting back to the box of tree decorations. You feel a little bad seeing yourself not being helpful during a festive season. It felt like you were procrastinating on your responsibilities as always.

“Um...is there any way I can help?”, you ask softly, earning a mischievous grin from Jin and your mom fills in the answer.

“We need more baubles. Also I missed out gifts for Aerum and June, so maybe you can get them”. Now this was already tiring and you were not lying earlier either, the jet lag was still choking you alive. You wonder if the huge pile of stars and glitters beside your foot aren't enough but then maybe it's true because this is the largest fir you ever saw for Christmas in your house. And speaking of the five year old notorious duo, your cousins-- Aerum and June, you have no other option than to step out into the butt numbing cold and get something for the sake of not getting your brains eaten.

While you stand there doing these calculations, Jimin puts a two and two and immediately suggests to tag along with you.

“That'd be great! Thanks sweetie”, your mom chimes, her fine lines of face gathering around her eyes while she does so and you catch her throwing a wink to your side and you pretend you never saw that.

“Thank you Jimin”, you smile in all honesty while he reciprocates the same.

“No problem. I'll get my car. Will you be ready in an hour? I think you just woke up”

“Uh...yeah”, you fake a laugh, “Yes I'll be ready in an hour”

Jimin still lives here in your hometown, attends a community college nearby and his house is just a few steps away from your own. You remember how you had the same analogy in your mind as well. You like living here. You like Jimin’s company. The lake Park and the annual ice skating competition in December and the bookstores and coffee shops at the outskirts of the town. And you can't seem to clearly remember when and where that feeling started to become foreign. Maybe it was a teenage quirk to explore the world that you are now a three hour flight away from all of this. It wasn't a deep regret, but seeing Jimin, it almost felt like it. It felt like you betrayed him. Because he seemed to be keeping his word to this day.

This year, it's a few degrees lower than what it usually is and you find yourself chattering your teeth together as you walk to Jimin’s house.

His footsteps rush to get the door as soon as you ring the doorbell and he greets with the same wide grin as if he hasn't just saw you an hour ago.

“Let's go?”, he asks immediately, getting house keys from his coat pocket and locking the front door before stepping out making you confused.

“There's no one home? Where are your parents?”

“Oh well didn't Mrs. Y/L/n tell you?”, he studies your features and gets his response so he continues “They went to New York this year for Christmas. It's some elder people thing I think...so I'll be spending Christmas this year with your family”

“Really!?”, you chime, and then immediately notice a very childish jump you did with tiny fists and all, feeling a little embarrassed at yourself, “Ah... uh I mean that's great”.

“Yeah”, he giggles, sounding like a twelve year old who is still waiting for his growth spurt, “Get in the car it's freezing in here”.

Since it's been six odd months you've spoken to Jimin, you figured it would would be strange and awkward to be with him, but his demeanor states otherwise. He could effortlessly begin conversations and build momentum with you and by the time you are at a thrift store, he is aware of the little gist of student life and the dramatically exaggerated history research paper still due.

“What are you getting for the twins?”, he asks, seeing you checking out the kids toys section with absolutely no idea and that's exactly what you reply to him.

“How about this puzzle?”, he brings a big jigsaw to your glance and you figure it's a great thing to have their little brains engaged and give yourself time to breathe.

“It's perfect!”, you add, immediately placing it your cart with a few decors you picked up from earlier aisles.

Jimin places an extra pack of Christmas candies in the cart, and you send him a questionable look knowing it's his way of bribing the kids coming this evening. He puts too much effort into people's happiness, something you wish you were capable of as well.

The shopping went smooth. It was therapeutic to get hot chocolate with extra marshmallows afterwards like he insisted followed by that very cliche movie scene where one of them develops a creme moustache and the other notices and dabs it off.

You want this moment to linger a little longer, but your whole family arrives in less than two hours and the decorations were due. If Jin doesn't have you in the next thirty minutes he might as well eat all the cupcakes your mom is baking as revenge.

“I had a great time”, Jimin states as he stops the car in front of your house, stealing the words from your mouth and warmth hugs your cheeks immediately.

“Me too. It's been long since we spent time with each other”

You hear a lone sigh with white fogs coming out of his plump lips while he does so, as if he were suddenly sad when you mentioned that.

“Are you okay?”

His grips tightens around the steering, “I've missed you”, he says, eyes meeting slowly. And as if he was suddenly pulled back to earth he conjures another sentence to not sound so vulnerable.

“I uh... It's just--”

“I've missed you too”

Even with the gear box painstakingly blocking the way, you throw your upper half towards his body anyways and you find him hugging you back. His hugs still feel the same from years back; safe and warm and filled with love.

If it wasn't for the constant reminder that your brother is probably plotting a murder against you, you would've stayed much longer in his embrace. Maybe the hug was a big straightforward for a bond still gradually blooming, but it didn't feel weird at all and when you pull back he is smiling down at you.

“I thought you two lovebirds flew off”, a very annoyed Jin states from above you. He is balancing himself on a chair to attach the mistletoe to the ceiling.

“Sorry hyung”, Jimin says. And somehow now you are getting super aware of the way your family is low key shipping you both. Not that it's an irritating thing of course though you seem to act like it. But you have no idea what's going on with Jimin, what if he said he missed you as your childhood friend? It's a lot difficult to segregate his priority of giving affection. He seems to be giving justice in terms of care for every living being he knows.

“The circus is on its way so I hope you both hurry with putting up everything together”, the voice above states, now lowering himself to ground after putting up the twig.

Three of you giggle at the mention of your family as a circus. Well in a way it definitely was. You have a bunch if uncles who crack awful jokes, a trait Jin himself as picked up from a tender age of ten. Then their wives and kids who share certainly the same braincells in comprehending things. You bet they'll ask you again about your major and your dating history once they walk in through that door amidst clearly stating everytime that you are a history major and yes still very single.

In the hallway there is a half decorated tree. A thread of fairly lights wrapped around the green and very few baubles hanging here and there.

“I'll put up the star and join you”, Jimin says, digging out a golden star from the carton. Though now he doesn't know why it was a good idea for him to announce that when both of you were almost the same height. He is just a few centimeters taller than you and the top of the fir is still very much way above your heads.

So with a chuckle you both figure Jin has to do it.

“This is your final year right?”, Jimin asks stepping closer to you. He seemed nervous about something. Or was it anxious?

“Yeah...you?”

“Yeah...”, his sweet tone was drawn almost like a whisper and you sense you should ask him further about what's wrong. But before you had to deal with a starter he continues,

“Are you planning to work in Chicago as well?”

“Sweetheart help me clean up the kitchen please”, your hear your mom's voice overpowering through the house. Which is good. Because you don't know what you are supposed to answer. It was as if he was almost hopeful that you'll choose your hometown all over again. But you aren't sure. So you take the opportunity to step away from the situation excusing yourself.

And while you are clearing the blobs of batter stuck on the counter, your mind is a haywire. What are you going to do? Though you know your whole family wants you to stay, it's still a foggy place to be in. Four years apart in another city as a college student has not provided much, except caffeine addiction and sleepless nights. Things were not even as fun as everyone told you.

A few steps away Jimin silently prays that you stay, because he had truly missed you. Even though you have outgrown from the eighteen year old shell as he had known, he finds himself actively choosing to be with you. Even when other things in life occupies his mind, there's an element of it which goes back to you.

“They are here!”. You groan silently, while your parents are throwing their hands in air, giggles and chatter fills in as your uncles and aunts and the taunting toddlers welcome themselves in.

“Y/n! You have grown so much!”, the older aunt comments, and you supply a manufactured smile to tag along. Other comments follow by soon, about how tired you are, gasps about not having a partner and future plans, all of which are not completely answerable at the moment but you manage to get through them all and finally excusing yourself back to the garage convincing there are more decor supplies in there.

Families are nice. They make festivals brighter and lives less lonely. But yours was just hard sometimes. Not that you completely loathed the people now fueling themselves off the cup cakes your mom bakes, you were just merely lost, still yet to come up with an answer to what your stance is after graduation.

“Hey...”. Jimin has joined you now which you notice feeling a warmth against your shoulder when he sits, with an extra scraf knowing the garage is still comparatively chilly than the house, “you okay?”.

“Yeah...I was just...thinking”

“Is this about earlier? I'm sorry if I made you anxious”, he quickly adds.

“No!...I mean yeah but, it's high time I find a ground with this. What are your plans?”

“I was thinking about teaching at Jefferson High”, he shifts rather uncomfortably. He is talking of the school in your town, your school, where you have lots of memories with Jimin, “You know...like we said during Junior year in high school?”

“I'm sorry Jimin”, you feel the guilt inside you growing, “I never kept my promises”.

“Hey...that's okay! Everyone changes. I just want you to be happy. I...I hope you are happy Y/n”, he reassures, taking your hand from your side and squeezing it between his soft palms.

“I don't know about that either...”

As much as you hated showcasing vulnerability to another person, you know Jimin is an exception. You had cried to him about everything during school days and he had never invalidated a single thing, even when you were visibly dramatic over a downpour during a family picnic when you were five.

Jimin is frozen on his seat as if he can't find the words. He was never good with words so instead he hugs you, a little longer than the last time till he is sure you have calmed down. Grateful for not ending up crying, you smile up at him and remind yourselves to get back inside to avoid suspicion, especially from the kids who take humiliating people as an important milestone to achieve.

When you enter back inside and get immediately surrounded by a million questions and chores thrown at you, you find your answer. Maybe your heart belongs back to everything your younger self had blabbered about. Not to mention, this fairly good reunion with your crush feels nice, though, he might still see it as platonic. Maybe he makes things less daunting.

By the way Jimin was owning everyone's heart in the house, it felt like he was family. Well in a way he is. But to put more clarity, he bought things together and his actions bought so much peace and love within everyone. Even the notorious twins listen carefully to him and help the uncles and aunts in the kitchen.

He is again by your side, two cupcakes rests on his palms and you take it with a silent ‘thanks’.

Seeing no signs of him beginning a talk now, you think of coming up with something. Maybe a memoir from today? Or about how absolutely handsome he looks right now? Wait.

“They are under the kissing twig!”, Aerum screams like the house caught in fire, her sibling joining by the side to provoke the habit even more.

“It's called a mistletoe Aerum”, your aunt corrects before pasting a smug across her lips.

Nothing changed. They are the same people. Hyping you and Jimin to kiss just like when you were thirteen. If the factor of time is removed, this is the exact night. Both of you cemented to the flooring as if you forgot to exist.

Both of your necks snap together to the mistletoe Jin had attached to the ceiling earlier. And when you lower your gaze back, face gawks at each other eye to eye. It's the same. He has that blush, the shyness from years ago. It's going to be platonic. Yet again. And this moment will only ever be romantic and flowery in your head.

June was the first to squeak, and Aerum shuts her eyes the moment Jimin is leaning his mouth towards your lips. It was difficult to relax under the stares of many, but when he ghosts his mouth over your again and leans in for a second kiss, you are fixated on him. Hands holding each other, the plump of his lips so soft it felt like you were biting into a fluff of cloud.

Maybe he'll have an explanation to your family for this. Not like anyone in the audience was disappointed. Your mother was almost in tears? And Jin looked hardly surprised with any of this. As if it was all swell according to his plans.

“You both are so cute”, one of the aunts awes and your mother is quick by her side, completely agreeing to it.

“Jimin...”, you return your gaze to the equally flustered man who just kissed you and he sounded almost breathless,

“I'm sorry if this was wrong it ju--”

“I like you”, you immediately snap in and his face is a void for an instant. Fully processing the words, his eyes disappear when he grins, “I like you too...a lot”.

“Are you two dating?”, the twins haven't dropped the case yet, running to your feet to help their curious brains.

“Yes...”, Jimin responds, looking up at you for a reassurance, which you quickly supply with a nod, “Yes we are dating”.

When the kids are satisfied they go away snickering to themselves.

“I decided to stay”, you say.

“Really!?”, his disbelief was comical, yet wholesome considering how much he wished for this, “I'm...I'm so happy!”.

Giggling at him, this time you lean forward and peck the corner of his lips.

“You lovebirds better get a room”, Jin announces and thankfully not loud enough to catch everyone else's attention.

Usually Jin expects a punch to his arms from his sister, but he sees how grateful you are for his mistletoe decor. He leaves the couple, satisfied that there won't be any more ranting about how much Jimin likes you.

Thank you so much for reading!! ♡♡

Original Content of ©bangtanpromptsfics

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a-pretty-nerd · 3 years

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Devon Characters × Trans Masc Reader

Request: "hii, i wanted to ask you, a Devon (any character) x interssex enby (he/they pronouns) like... you only do cis males and cis females idk it'd be fun if you did a trans man, trans woman or an enby. could u do that for the Ts??? (trans)" ~ Anon

A/N: I love this request. I'm kinda out of my Devon obsession phase, but I'll always think he's amazing. But I really love this request and I'm always happy to write more inclusive stuff! So don't be afraid to ask, I just don't write for Rodrick Heffley anymore really. It just makes me a little uncomfy.

Warnings: NSFW content.

Rodrick:

SFW

Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass

Has a vague idea of what it means he to trans.

Completely lost at the non-binary part.

You're gonna have to explain a lot to him, unfortunately.

But he's very willing to learn.

He will forget you use both he/they pronouns and probably end up sticking to he/him most of the time.

Says things like, "this is my boyfriend."

Unless you correct him in which case he gets SUPER embarrassed and apologizes profusely.

At first he's nervous to be with a trans masculine person.

It's like the nervousness of any new relationship (because he's a nervous wreck anyhoo) mixed with the newness of a new person.

He's very, VERY proud of you though.

He loves to bring you everywhere and just but like, "THIS IS MY PARTNER, AREN'T THEY AMAZING!?"

And everyone's like, "Yes, we know, we've met before."

He likes to share clothes. Correction, he likes it when you steal his clothes and he steals clothes from you.

It gives him butterflies in his tummy.

NSFW

He's a fumbling idiot anyways.

You're gonna have to guide him through what works for you.

But omg is he eager.

Like he's a horny bastard anyways, but like it's you we're talking about.

He's like, obsessed with you.

He'd be so embarrassed if you knew that, but it's true.

He has a hard on before you're even fully naked.

Sometimes he gets lost in his own pleasure so you kinda have to bring him back down to earth.

But usually he prioritizes you.

It makes him very happy to know how to make you squirm.

Jasper:

SFW

Gender isn't really a priority for Jasper.

He's also not too concerned with what's in your pants.

He's just happy to have a partner, honestly.

He's very emotionally dependent on you at times and that can lead to arguments or complications.

But he works very hard to be a good boyfriend for you.

He does tend to forget to introduce you as his partner sometimes so people just assume you're close friends at first.

But then they see you kiss and they're like, "Oooooh" and everyone moves on because it's the dystopia future and no one has time for homo/transphobia.

Jasper is very protective of you. Like if someone even looks at you funny he's about to throw hands.

You will have to drag him away from fights.

NSFW

I mean he's very new to sex in general so be patient. Especially if you're an afab individual.

Sometimes he can be hard on himself if he doesn't get it right away, but if your patient with him, he'll be too.

That wait is very worth it though.

Like damn.

Jasper LOVES oral.

It's like his favorite, receiving, giving, all of the above.

Adam:

SFW

I imagine that he's mostly dated feminine people, even had some experiences with other trans people but they were usually on the feminine side.

But he's also a horny bastard and is down for almost anything.

I feel like someone that isn't what he's used to would be really good for him.

Like it would force some much needed character growth on him.

At first when you start going out people also assume your his weird little friend.

Until they see you drunk make out.

Or they see the PDA.

Adam's a PDA guy.

To the point where you might have to tell him to fuck off.

His hand is ALWAYS in your back pocket.

NSFW

Hi? Hello. Horny B a s t a r d man.

Reporting for duty.

He can find anything to love about any body.

I think he's probably an ass guy.

He's really kinky but not in a polished, let's have hours of bandages play sex.

Like dirty sex. Like quickies in between classes shit.

Also he's a dirty talker.

You will have to tell him what to call you to make you feel good. But the moment he has that info-

Be ready dude.

Casper:

SFW

Nervous. Very Nervous.

What if he asks you the wrong questions?

What if he offends you?

What if he calls you the wrong thing on accident?! (He never does unless you had to come out to him)

What if he's a bad allie!?!?!

These are all if you take Casper as a cis dude.

Honestly I feel like he could also be trans lol

Honestly all of Devon's characters could be so easily.

ANYWAYS

He's precious.

He's always thinking about you and how awesome you are and he thinks you're really REALLY cool.

He tries to hide all the weird paranormal stuff from you at first thinking that you would think it was weird.

He's so relieved when you're not scared away by him.

He really loves and admires you like no other.

NSFW

Knows nothing about nothing.

Like he's seen porn and he masturbates but like he's never been with someone else.

You are gonna have to guide him through it.

He's always really worried he's hurting you for some reason.

Like you'll moan in pleasure and he thinks he's hurting you.

Lots of encouragement and reassurance.

Silver:

SFW:

I feel like Silvers definitely been with a trans person before. Especially Trans masculine people.

He's very PC, very hyper aware, very active.

You will be joining him for a lgbtq+ or BLM March.

You will also have to be the one to bring the sunscreen and water bottles and other necessities.

He brags about you a lot.

You're gonna have to beg him to take care of himself and baby him.

Like seriously he's really annoying like that.

He's a homemaker though.

Like he will redecorate your shared spaces with some expensive vegan handmade whatever it is.

He burns a lot of incense and candles and then uses those candle holders as bowls.

You'll be eating cereal and look down at the bowl and be like:

"Hey babe, where'd we get this bowl from?"

And Silver will looks over and say:

"Oh that was from my sandlewood and eucalyptus candle from (insert vegan cruelty free small owned business here)."

NSFW

Bottom.

He's a total bottom.

Prepare to top.

Will only top if he's under the influence and feeling particularly fun.

I don't know why, he just has that vibe to me.

He likes out door sex.

He likes scented lube.

He's also pretty affectionate but not like handsy.

Idk why but I feel like he also likes to be dominated?

I feel like it'd be really easy to make him cry.

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thatonegirljessy99 · 3 years

Text

Loving Myself and You (part 2)

Word Count: +2,000

Warnings: none

Summery: Tsukishima and Y/N have been something for a little while how. What were they exactly, definitely more then friends, but not even close to being together. You finally have had it with whatever this is and decide it is time to move on and put yourself first. So with Tsukishima out of the way, how will you progress with the friendships you never really got to form?

Part 1

*********************

Saying that the first week was easy was a complete and utter lie. Kageyama and Hinata had found you on the second day back at school, crying in the hallway quietly to yourself on your way back from the bathroom. Tsukishima had only called you once in the past four days but the fact that he seemed so unbothered by what had happened was what was making you cry from pure rage.

At first the two boys were a bit confused since they were unaware of what had been going on, but after taking you up to the roof to get some fresh air and a round of milk boxes provided by Kageyama, you filled them in on the situation-ship you had been in with Tsukishima. How for almost the whole last year Tsukishima and you had been seeing each other in secret, meeting after your respective practices and hanging out on the weekends going on small dates, having dinner at each others houses, the late night calls, the random texts, and the jealousy whenever someone of the opposite gender spoke to the other.

“Wow, I would have never guessed that Tsukki was in a relationship,” Hinata stared at you in shock.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know if I would call that a relationship. Only a jerk would keep a girl hidden like that. I don’t even remember seeing you at any games,” Kageyama pointed out as he finished his juice box, sighing as he leaned against the wall.

“That is because of my busy schedule with dance and Tsukishima not wanting anyone to catch on to us,” you sighed before laying down on the floor to look at the clouds floating by slowly,” He is a jerk… but that jerk has a soft side I have been lucky enough to see for most of my life. I mean we have always gone to the same school so I have been able to see all sides of Tsukishima. The dummy even had me believing that whatever we had was a real relationship.”

The rest of that conversation was just Hinata laying down next to you while Kageyama sat down so his back was still against the wall, Hinata and you pointing at clouds and saying what they looked like between spells of silence.

After that day it was rare to see you alone anymore during class. Hinata did his best to stay by your side whenever possible to make sure you were okay, sometimes just sitting next to you while you did your class work, other times dragging Kageyama along to grab lunch with you. It worked in brightening up your day at school but it didn’t help too much for your mind after dance practice. But that was most of your day being taken care of.

Eventually it just became part of your routine to hang out with Hinata and Kageyama during the school day, Daichi and Sugawara joining you three for lunch on the roof from time to time. It was nice, you actually were able to finally get to know the people you had been forbidden from seeing basically before. After dance practice you would find one or two of them waiting for you outside to walk you home. Yachi and Asahi even became a part of your little circle at some point, Yachi hanging out with you after dance so you could do homework together and having her sleep over so she wouldn't have to head home so late.

It got to the point that you were so happy you could hardly think about being upset with Tsukishima, especially on opening night of your ballet show. You hadn’t seen the team come into the hall right as the lights went down, all of them rushing from practice, Kiyoko helping them fix their dress shirts as they took their seats. After the show you were a little sad, smiling still, as the dancers were received by their friends. You sighed thinking it would just be your parents waiting for you with their little bouquet of white roses for you.

Instead, when you walked into the center of the reception hall you gasped seeing the team chatting up your parents, Nishinoya and Hinata complementing your mom on her dress, everyone rushed over to you with small bouquets of flowers. Normally it was just your parents that would greet you after performances, don’t get me wrong it was great, but the feeling of having all your friends there made it feel like this was your first time performing all over again. Your heart almost felt like it would burst from how much joy you felt when you went home to see that your mom had made a big meal after Hinata and Yachi reached out to your parents to see if everyone could join you guys after the performance for dinner.

It was weird seeing so many people in your small house. Everyone was laughing and praying your dads cooking, everyone kept making a big deal about how perfect you were on stage, Kageyama being impressed at how all the dancers could dance on their toes, everyone spread out on the couch, table, and floor since there wasn't enough chairs at your dinner table for a whole volleyball team. Everything was great until someone knocked on the door causing you to get up from the table to open it.

"So I guess I'm no longer invited to these events?" Tsukishima glared down at you as you mentally prepared yourself for the apology you'd have to give your family and friends for what's about to happen.

"You mean practice ended early enough for you to care? Nice. Next time try changing into a nice shirt before coming over, yeah?" You smiled, your eyes glaring right back at the tall blond before opening the door all the way so he could see inside," as you can see, I don't think you would have gotten in trouble for wanting to cut practice a little short for a friend."

The room was silent behind you, no one moving as the tension radiated from where you and Tsukishima stood.

"They are my teamma-"

"They are my friends Tsukki," you smirked as you saw his eye twitch," what's wrong? You don't need to worry about people getting the wrong idea about us."

"You know, when you said you would clean up for us I figured it's because you weren't interested in going to her show, I didn't think you would be rude enough to ruin her dinner," Kageyama spoke up from his spot on the couch.

"I live in this neighborhood, idiot. I was just walking by and saw I didn't get invited to dinner," Tsukishima snorted, you pinch your nose with annoyance at his presents.

"Look Tsukishima, as much as I hate having you near me, it would be nice if you tried to not be a complete ass to my guests in my parents house. So, you have seen who is here, and now you can see your way back to the other side of the neighborhood, unless you would like my dad to give you a ride so you don't get lost," you smiled bitterly, knowing that if you really needed him to, your dad would step in.

Instead you heard some people move behind you and were a little surprised to here voices come from so close to you once they finally spoke.

"Actually Y/N, we can show him back to his place. It's getting a bit late and we should probably be heading out anyway," Daichi smiled at you, placing a hand on your shoulder so you could step aside to let him out. He gave you a quick hug and looked at Tanaka and Asahi who did the same, Tanaka yelling at your dad to thank him for the meal.

"Alright Tsukki, time to talk about how not to treat a girl, especially one that has her temper," Tanaka started up loudly as the three boys began to walk away.

You laughed a little as you closed the door to see everyone still just staring at you.

"Are you okay honey?" Your mom asked coming over to hug you.

"Yeah, I'm fine mom. You know dads temper, always getting me in trouble," you laughed patter her back as you hugged her back for reassurance.

"My temper? You mean your mothers temper. There is a reason she runs the house," your dad chucked, the tension finally fading away in the room as everyone started to chit chat again.

It wasn't too long after when everyone started to help clean up before heading out for the night. Suga and Nishinoya took the trash out with them after thanking your parents for letting them come over, Yachi, Kiyoko, and Hinata all helped with the dishes before they left, and everyone else just helped straighten up the living room and dinning room before leaving. The last one there after your parents had said their good nights and headed off to bed was Kageyama.

You were both just sitting on the couch watching a movie at your request. Well…. Maybe not request, maybe whining was a better word to describe it. Everyone was already leaving but you wanted to stay up a bit longer and watch a movie so you chose Kageyama as your victim.

"What are we even watching," he mumbled as he looked at you getting comfortable in the corner of the couch.

"I don't know, I really just still feel really hyper from tonight. It was a great show and, if I'm being totally honest, I didn't expect all of you to be there and it kinda made me really happy. Ya know?" You laughed, smiling at him widely.

"Yeah, you seemed pretty happy tonight," he smiled back before getting up and pulling a small box out of his pocket," oh, I almost forgot. Um, my mom said I should bring you a present since this was my first time coming over and seeing you dance."

You looked a little confused as he handed you the box, but you smiled regardless before opening it to see a silver necklace with a small pearl hanging off the chain.

"My sister was the one to help me pick it out," he admitted, looking away a bit embarrassed.

"Aww, I really like Kageyama. Thank you," you smiled a bit sheepishly," although I'm not sure if I can wear it while on stage."

It was just then that Kageyama realized he had never seen you wear any jewelry other than the props you had during the show.

"Why would you only wear it on stage? I think it would look nice on you any day," he asked, a bit confused.

"I don't know, I just don't think I have the looks to try and wear jewelry other than when I have makeup on. Why do you think I always have the same look for school? Hair in a bun, regular uniform with no extra stuff. I'm just meh off stage," you shrugged, starting to feel a bit weird talking about yourself.

“I think you are amazing on and off stage… I mean you work just as hard as we do with school and dance and everything.”

A smile spread across your face as you looked at the necklace and then at Kageyama.

“That’s really sweet of you to say, I mean, I try my best. I know it costs my parents a lot of money for me to be able to do what I love so I try to do my best,” you sighed before looking back at the clock.

“Hey, Kageyama, it's getting really late. Do you want me to ask my parents if you can sleep on the couch-”

“No, no, it’s okay. I can still walk home. It isn’t too far from here,” he chuckled, walking over to the door with his bag,” tell your parents I say thank you for letting me come over for dinner.”

“Yeah, of course! Thanks for coming to my perfo-”

Your sentence didn’t even get the chance to get out before your vision went blurry and your fel backwards before Kageyama could catch you. Your head slammed on the hardwood floor, Kageyama rushing to your side as he screamed for your parents to get up.

Good thing there was no school tomorrow or practice.

#haikyu #haikyuu!!#hinata #kageyama #haikyuu tsukki #Loving Myself and You #Tenaka #Daichi #Sugawara

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letowritings · 5 years

Text

It’s The Perfect Denial - Chapter 38

Shannon and I had been texting since I landed in LA. It was just casual conversation between friends I assured myself. He could have been talking to anyone, I reasoned. So, why did I feel so guilty? Staring down at his last message from the back seat of the cab, I couldn't help but smile. He did thoroughly kick my ass, playing that stupid video game, but in my own defense, I didn't have much experience. It was fun, I laughed it off. He made me feel like a teenager again and that's always a good thing when you're getting older. I read the message for the second time.

'You know Carrie, I suppose I'll have to let our little bet slide. Can't really see you taking me to dinner with all that's happened and not get the side eye from everyone. Just know that I'll enjoy occasionally reminding you how badly I beat you.

So, what are your plans for the evening?'

I knew what he said was the truth. It would seem awkward taking him out, and the last thing I wanted right now was any kind of unnecessary drama. I also knew I should just ignore his question and let the messaging end there, but I couldn't stop myself from responding.

'Heading over to see your favorite person and her new son before going home. 😊 Sara had her little boy while I was visiting Jared. After that, I'm going to pick up some take out and veg out on the couch and try to find a horror movie to get lost in. How about you? Another long night of video games lol?'

Pressing send the second as the cab came to a stop in front of Sara and Ryan's house, I sighed. I shoved my phone into my pocket and paid the driver before getting out and lugging my heavy bag with me. Walking up to the door, I dreaded the awkward encounter I knew was coming between Sara and me. Knocking loudly, I put on my best fake smile as Ryan opened the door. "Hey Carrie, come on in. She's on the couch feeding Chase." Ryan was always so nice to me. With his former bad boy image and deadly good looks, he was an amazing catch. Part of me was secretly jealous that Sara managed to hook a guy like him.

"Thanks." I left the bag in the foyer and nervously rubbed my sweaty hands up and down my jean clad legs. Their house was magnificent, so bright and beautifully furnished. I can remember skimming through magazines with her when we were young and picking out what we just knew our houses would look like as adults. From what I remembered, hers was almost every bit as nice as the ones she had chosen.

I walked quietly over to the couch and when Hannah and Savannah saw me, they bolted from their matching chairs and rushed over to greet me. "Aunt Carrie!"

"Hi there. Good to see you. I heard you have a new little brother." I leaned down, hugging them both. Hannah began telling me all about Chase while Savannah immediately began asking for a sleepover that I promised but never followed through on. Maybe Sara wouldn't even allow it. I'm probably not the kind of influence she'd want on her daughters. "Um, well, you're gonna have to ask mommy about that one, but I do have a surprise for you two in my bag."

I rushed over to my bag to grab the snow globes and outfit for Chase I had gotten in Boston. I watched Sara cringe and Ryan Immediately take hold of the two glass globes. Shit, I guess they weren't such awesome gifts after all. Ryan placed them on the table and Sara spoke again, probably trying to deflect the look of horror I saw on her face when I handed each one their gift. "Alright girls, what do you say to Aunt Carrie?"

"But I want to play with it." Savannah whined.

"Later. Tell Carrie thank you, both of you."

"Thank you." They offered in unison, and while Hannah had become interested in the movie, Savannah wouldn't leave my side.

"Sorry." I whispered to Sara, biting my lip and silently scolding myself for not giving their gifts a little more thought. Savannah stared at Ryan, who carried the seized globes out of the room. "Well, this one is better, I promise." I handed over the outfit I picked out for the baby.

"Girls, back up and let her sit down and see your brother. I think the two of you need to finish the popcorn that daddy was nice enough to make for you. Once the movie is over, it's bedtime." As I sat down, she handed the baby to me and then stood up. "Sorry, I have no idea why they are so hyper tonight."

"It's okay." I stared down at the tiny baby in my arms and immediately took notice of his big brown eyes. While the girls favored Sara, Chase certainly looked every bit like his father. "Wow, what a cutie." He yawned and I was again reminded of my own situation. I'd never have this. Jared wasn't the type to want children. He lived the rock star life and didn't seem to want a traditional relationship. "He's absolutely perfect. Congratulations you guys."

"Thank you." Ryan was the first to respond, nodding in my direction as he disappeared into the kitchen.

"That's it, I'm done. Had my tubes tied." Sara chimed in. She was picking up the few pieces of popcorn that were lying on the floor near the two small pink recliners in front of the coffee table. "If I have to watch Frozen one more time, I'm gonna scream!" Her tone was normal, but I knew her feelings were hurt.

My phone chimed again and I shifted, deciding to ignore it for now. "I can only imagine."

She disappeared to toss the popcorn into the trash and returned. Ryan also came back and they both sat down next to me. Small talk continued for the remainder of the movie. Chase sucked on his pacifier and finally fell asleep. It had been so long since I last held a baby and I was enjoying it. He smelled so good and it stirred those feelings inside me again. I was brought back to that day in Seattle, in the back of the cab. I thought of how I felt, watching that family of three walking to their red minivan. I smiled, remembering the cute little girl with pigtails being swung by her parents.

Eventually Ryan turned the tv off and took the girls upstairs to get them ready for bed. Sara and I were left alone with Chase. When he started moving around, she took him and I pulled my phone out to see another message from Shannon.

'Oh damn, tell her I said Congratulations. 🎈 she hates me so much! 😂

You and those horror flicks! Ok, I'll admit it, I'm a little jealous. Yep, it's our night off and I'm sure at some point I'll resort to playing video games. Some things never change, yet nothing in my life seems the same anymore.'

That last sentence got me. I knew he was talking about what happened between us, but before I could dwell on it, Sara said my name aloud. "Is that Jared?"

"Uh, no. It's Josh," I lied. I quickly shoved the device into my pocket. "I'm really sorry I wasn't here for the birth. You know, I felt guilty as hell when Ry called, but what could I do?"

"It's fine. I can't expect you to stop your life for me. You're here now and that's all that matters." Her tone was still a little off.

"And I wasn't thinking when I got the girls glass snow globes." I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity.

"It's fine babe. How were things being around the asshole again?" Shannon was right, she really did hate him.

Dropping my head down on the cushion behind me, I was dying to confide in her. I desperately needed to talk to someone, tell them all that's happened and ask if I was crazy for still having feelings for Shannon. The problem was, Sara was biased. "Where do I start?" Before I could finish my sentence my phone rang. Pulling the phone from my pocket, I grinned, seeing Jared's name lit up on the screen.

#thirty seconds to mars fanfiction #shannon leto fanfiction #thirty seconds to mars fics #jared leto fanfiction #jared/shannon leto fanfiction #it’s the perfect denial

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sparxwrites · 6 years

Note

Yes hello!!! Tanner telling Kayden to slap himself in the face again and Kayden grinning and doing it and Tanner savoring it Is a kink I did not know I had But maybe it's just T and Matt making it so compelling *sweats* (Tanner should go over there and do it himself; I'm sure Kayden would look up at him and offer up his face with a sneer and a lick of his lips)

anonymous asked: talk to us about kayden being SO willing to slap himself for tanner that seems like a thing you’d enjoy :3

“You having fun now?” snapped Tanner, hands shoved deep in his pockets as he paced back and forth, jittery, trying to cover his nerves. This was- this was a lot. This was too much. He couldn’t admit it outloud, wouldn’t admit it outloud, but he couldn’t fucking cope with this. He was a kid, they were all just kids, and he could feel the panic trying to strangle him as the reality of their potentially-deadly situation abruptly asserted itself.

Worst of all, it was real. It was all real, and a year’s worth of denial, of hating Kayden for what he had supposedly done, had just vanished in a puff of smoke.

“Tons.” Kayden bit out the end of the word, as though he was forcing it through his teeth, his jaw tight and eyes hard.

Tanner barely contained the laugh that twisted around his lungs like a thorny vine, a black, humourless thing. The reasoning behind the hatred may have collapsed, but that didn’t mean the hatred itself had – and right now, drowning in fear-anger-panic, it was the one thing he could actually cling to. “A lot of fun?” he asked, and even he could hear the poorly-suppressed hysteria in the words, beneath the fury of them. “Everything’s just so much fun, isn’t it?”

“God, Tanner…” breathed Sat, her face still tear-streaked and horror-stricken. She looked as scooped-hollow as Tanner felt, and it made something in his chest ache – but he ignored her, eyes locked on Kayden’s.

And Kayden… Kayden, the fucker, looked him in the eye right back, and slapped himself. He growled through it, through the pain and the flushing-red of his pale skin beneath the blow, sniffing, and still staring at Tanner with that loathsome, implacable defiance.

The roiling anger in Tanner’s stomach, abruptly, solidified into cruelty.

“Harder,” he ordered, voice quiet and all the more dangerous for it. “One more time, harder, so I can see it.”

There were exclamations from the others, surprise and horror, but he tuned them out. None of that mattered right now – nothing mattered, except for his anger, and the electric tension in the air, and the way Kayden was flexing his hand in a half-heartbeat’s worth of thought. Tanner was hyper-fixated on it, and time seemed to move molasses-slow for a moment, as he held his breath.

He didn’t actually expect Kayden to slap himself again, but really, that just made the crack of Kayden’s hand against his cheek all the more sweet.

One of the girls cried out, something shocked and indignant about it not being Kayden’s fault, and Tanner could hardly contain his laughter. “There’re a lot of things that are his fault,” he said, bitterly, teeth clenched tight enough his jaw was beginning to ache. “Just give me a minute to enjoy him brought down a peg.”

He might have been be talking to the girls, but all he had eyes for was Kayden – Kayden and his stupid fucking smirk and his stupid fucking hair and the stupid fucking look in his beautiful eyes, like he was angry-excited-hollow-sad all at once. The handprint on his cheek was blooming candy-red, and god, Tanner wished it was his.

Kayden smiled, all bared teeth and insolence, and Tanner’s hands curled into fists at his sides.

“Good enough for you?” asked Kayden, lazily, eyes bright and cheek red and teeth bared, like some creature out of Tanner’s nightmares come to haunt him on Earth for his sins. “Or you wanna hit me yourself, huh, Tanner? Make sure it’s done properly, because god, I’m enough of a fuckup as is, who knows if I can even hit myself ri-”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence before Tanner punched him in the mouth.

Raina yelped in shock, and Sat lunged forward to try and get between the two of them, but Kayden- Kayden just grinned, split lip and bloody teeth and faintly manic eyes, as Tanner stared.

He felt about as surprised as Raina looked. He’d never hit anyone before, not… not like this.

And then Kayden’s nose wrinkled into a sneer, and he bared his teeth, and spat a globule of bloodied saliva right into Tanner’s face – and it suddenly didn’t matter that he’d never hit anyone before. He was more than willing to learn, right here and right now, and Kayden’s face would do as his punching bag, because fuck that smug, sneering asshole, the bastard, who does he think he is-

Everything went red-rage-black after that, for a while.

By the time Sat managed to pry Tanner off Kayden, yelling the whole while and eventually shouting for Darby to help, Kayden’s face was a mess – as were Tanner’s knuckles. It was hard to tell whose blood was whose, crimson smeared across Kayden’s lip and below his nose, and from the cut across his eyebrow where Tanner’s fist had split the thin skin over the bone. Tanner’s hands were red-streaked, too, knuckles cracked and bruised from sloppy punches, bruises already rising to mirror the ones around Kayden’s eyes.

And he was still grinning. The fucker was still grinning, even as he scrambled out from under Tanner and stumbled upright on shaky legs, wiping the trickle of blood running down over his lip.

“Feeling better, huh, Tanner? Feeling powerful?” Kayden asked, the edge of a hysterical laugh to his voice. For all his bared teeth and curled lips, though, there was an edge of fear in his eyes that hadn’t been there before – and a miserable sort of resignation that Tanner couldn’t quite understand. He wiped at his nose again with a shaking hand, staring at the red streaked across his thumb as though surprised it was still bleeding. “Like father like fucking son. Should’a fucking known. Hah. Shit.”

Tanner’s insides turned to ice, the vicious rage cooling in a heartbeat to be replaced with horror.

“I- you provoked me,” he spluttered, trying to ignore the fact he was still on his ass in the dirt, with Sat pinning his arms behind his back and digging nails into his skin. He could feel the way she was shaking, just from her grip on him, and the sick feeling in his stomach soured further with the knowledge that he’d upset her so badly. “You knew what you were doing- you deserved that, and you know it-”

He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, cringed from them and the memory of how often he’d heard them – accompanied by the snap of his father’s belt, burning across his thighs. But they were out there, and there was no way to take them back.

All he could do was sag in Sat’s grip, panting as he slowly came down off the adrenaline high, and try not to look at the bruised mess of Kayden’s face, staring down at him. He didn’t want to see what he’d done.

“Spoken like a real man,” sneered Kayden, blocking the stream of blood from his nose with forefinger knuckle and thumb whilst he waited for it to clot, hissing as he nudged his nose. “Fuck.” The grin was sliding off his face, the same sharp, shocky anger-misery lurking behind his eyes beginning to tug at the corners of his mouth. “Daddy’d be so proud, Tanner. Make sure you fuckin’ tell him all about it when you get back – how you put the fuckin’ trailer trash bastard in his place, huh? Fuck you.”

He spat at Tanner’s feet, lip curled up in disgust, and stumbled over to where he’d left his backpack – slumping down on the rotting log next to it as though his knees had given way, as though he was trying very hard to hide that fact and was failing dismally. His hands were shaking, though whether from adrenaline or fear or something else entirely was anyone’s guess.

Tanner felt the grip on his arms loosen, ever so slightly.

“If I let you go,” said Sat, voice shaky and a little hoarse from yelling, “are you going to hit him again?” She sounded like she was about to start sobbing.

“…No,” mumbled Tanner, shoulders slumping, eyes on the ground. The shame was choking, now, winding around his stomach and throat, increasingly difficult to ignore. He didn’t want to hit anyone any more – didn’t want to do anything. He wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

The grip on his arms disappeared entirely, and he barely had time to bring them around to his front and rub at his forearms before Sat was there, glowering at him through tear-streaked makeup. He was entirely unsurprised when she slapped him, snapping his head to one side, one of her rings catching his cheek and opening a tiny, half-inch cut across his pale, freckled skin.

“Deserved that,” he said, quietly.

Sat just stared at him for a moment, jaw clenched and eyes hard. Then she nodded, once, and stalked off across the clearing to where Kayden was sat – leaving Tanner on his ass in the dirt, alone, as Raina stared at him wide-eyed. Darby made studiously sure she was looking at her journal, and only her journal.

Tanner stood up, on legs scarcely more steady than Kayden’s, and found his own log to sit on – careful to keep Darby and Raina between him and Kayden. Or rather, Kayden and Sat, since she had her arm around Kayden’s shoulder and her eyes narrowed in Tanner’s direction.

“So,” he said, quietly, heavily, wiping the drying blood off of his knuckles with the hem of his plaid shirt. It was difficult to speak through the guilt but, somehow, he managed it, voice raw enough that it almost seemed like he had been the one doing the screaming. “…What do we do now?”

#zempasuchil #sagas of sundry #sagas of sundry dread #sos kayden #sos fic #sagas #fic #wh oops this took............ a long time.....................#but Look the idea was just so delicious i Had to write sth for it #and then beginning of new academic year and also me being Bad At Writing Things In A Timely Manner #but yeah honestly that scene was ridiculously hot and i Hate It #i hate how predictable i am lmao

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canyouhearthechurchbellsringing · 7 years

Text

#41: As Close to the Truth About Ali as I'm Going to Get

01/28/17

FTP: I was actually just rereading entry #7 again before I sat down to upload this one. As I have repeatedly expressed from the start, the original entries do not accurately depict the events they portrayed. Honestly I’m more embarassed I let myself fall into the trap Darek set for me. It seems things have been… reversed, in a sense, now… but you’ll understand once it is all up.

08/28/16

I’m typing this up at the library and saving it to a flash drive I’ll be carrying with me. It’s a half-hour walk here in the hot Florida sun, so I don’t know how often I can work on it, but at least I’ll have the records again. And if I can’t easily write, Darek can’t easily edit. Unfortunately that hasn’t stopped him from screwing with my head. If nothing else, I will be able to record the basics of what I go through as I struggle to discover what has happened these past few months. Once I’m more situated with better web access, I can proceed to flesh out the notes I’ve taken into complete entries. Writing has always been a helpful tool to sort out my mind, especially in times of duress like this where I desperately need to focus on priorities.

08/24/16

I remembered the doorway.

The memories were not malleable. They existed in the peripheral, and vanished when put into focus. Still, its significance acted as a magnetic attraction of sorts, such that it filled me with desire. Secrets, answers, rationalizations for the reason I was so crazy, things inside my mind hidden from itself, all existed beyond the doorway. I’d been there, maybe, but I just couldn’t remember anything behind that damn door.

Then hands reached down and yanked me from my slumber. I jerked into my body haphazardly, in a state of nothing but sensations. Darkness veiled my eyes, a blanket smothered my body, and a distant hum tickled my ears, suggesting electrical appliances. For a moment I felt as though this was the Outer Layer and I was finally beyond the door. First impressions are everything, and let’s just say this one felt to me like another one of Darek’s nightmares-constricted, deprived of sight and sound in a hellish, pressing heat.

I groaned, surprised at how raspy my voice sounded. At least it broke the trance of the whirring appliances; I could hear just fine. I could also feel my body, reassuring me that this was not a dream. I felt liquid pouring from my pores en masse. I wasn’t just sweaty; I was soaked. I tried to uncurl my body from the cocoon of blankets that weighed me down mightily. The effort was in vain. They denied me freedom, all tied and twisted in one another. I reconsidered my suspicion that this was a lucid nightmare, but something in me whispered the idea away. It wasn’t Darek’s voice. It could have been. He can imitate anyone’s voice where he is, be anything my mind can perceive. And as I’m thinking all this and growing paranoid, I’m hyper-aware of the bead of sweat trickling down my left cheek. I let out an exasperated exhale and found it bounced back into my chin. I groaned.

I focused on myself meditatively. I took stock of each of my arms’ positions, bent at the elbow, across my chest. I tried sliding an arm upwards toward my head. It met no resistance. I smiled to myself in the dark. It was a human-sized Chinese finger trap. My hand slid up my throat, over my shoulder, and came fully free, snaking up the right side of my head.

From there it was a simple matter of freeing myself from the trap, feeling along the seams and separating the ungodly amount of blankets carefully and calmly. By that time, of course, my panic had fled and my eyes had adjusted to the dark a bit. I seemed to be in a small room with a bed and some decorative furniture. On my left was an A/C unit which had been the source of the electrical buzzing. I immediately lowered the temperature several degrees. On my right I discovered a bedside table with a lamp on it. Illuminating the room, I saw for the first time a TV across from the bed and a small kitchen area in the back. I was a long way from home.

This is where things got interesting. Beside this lamp I found an index card with writing on it. WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOUSE. On the lined side, a second message: PREPARE TO HEAR FROM AN OLD FRIEND HAHAHAHAHAHA. In the center of that he had added half a set of coordinates.

WEST 80 16 11.4954

The illusion of the nightmare fell upon me again, harder, as my grasp on reality unraveled. Harder and harder it became to fight off the cloying certainty that this was nothing but a dream, another hallucinatory delusion where I made my home, but it was too visceral. The canonity of it stood stalwart against my hopeful barrage.

I didn’t know what happened in the past few months, wasn’t sure ho much time had been taken from me, but I was able to grasp that I had been yanked out of my home and removed from everything familiar by an ambiguous, intimidating being living in a realm beyond imagination. I stepped out of the motel room. It was no paradise but at least it had cable. Looking down on the street below, I gathered myself. Occasionally, a car would drive by, breaking the silence of the night. My mind latched onto the sound of the cars passing, seeking peace in disorder.

I didn’t know what had happened. I didn’t know what was going to come. I knew I needed to do anything I could, talk to everyone I knew, to figure out what Darek did in the past six or so months. However, it looked like it was the dead of night at the moment, and I did not want to start this journey at three in the morning. Aside from that, I was strangely drained in spite of the bizarre circumstances I found myself in. It felt like I had been awake for a couple days. For all I knew my body had been. I reentered my room after a short period and delved into a dreamless sleep.

The first thing I did upon waking, finding the sun fully risen, was take an inventory of what I had. There were suitcases full of clothes in the corner. The fridge was stocked with plenty of food. There were even a few fantasy novels stacked on the toilet. Darek’s little note sat mocking me on the table. Beside it I had placed the contents of my pocket. This amounted to a wallet and a phone, both of which I did not recognize, as well as thirty six cents (one quarter, one dime, and one penny).

The wallet contained my driver’s license, my college ID (long-since unused and ripe with the scuffs of age), an EBT food stamps card (explaining the stocked fridge), a library card, and six one-dollar bills. I checked the license and it listed my parents’ old address despite looking brand-new. It was replaced during my fugue but held no pertinent info on where I had been or what Darek had done.The wallet looked ratty and worn out. There were a few tears along the edges; nothing else about it struck me as relevant or unusual.

The phone was one of those cheap-looking Verizon phones. It had 266.04 minutes on it and 368 service days left on it. The background was a plain black screen After unlocking the screen I immediately checked my contacts list. I recognized Casey’s number right away nder the name “Stupid Fucking Bitch”; Darek clearly wasn’t fond of her. I tried calling but the number was out of service. There were several names and numbers I did not recognize, such as “J” and “Mike Herb”. If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say they were drug connects. The only other numbers in the phone that drew my attention were one marked “Baby” (Darek had a girlfriend?) and a weird string of numbers that couldn’t be a local phone number saved under “K” (2622946016). Aside from the contacts, the storage on the device contained default images and ringtones. I also discovered an installed Twitter app. Darek had apparently made an account in my name on July 27th. I made a few posts but I suspect he has his own plans for it, so I don’t intend to use it for conventional social interaction. The phone didn’t have any of my family members’ numbers or any others I recognized. I was wary about using any of the contacts I didn’t personally know to hunt down information. I would save it as a last resort. From the calendar I learned it was the twenty-fourth of August. A solid half a year had gone by in the blink of an eye.

I had to take a walk after learning that to clear my head. The whole time Darek was humming a song I recognized from the radio by Bob Seger. Maybe just because it was Darek it really unsettled me. Maybe it was everything else on top of it. Whatever the root of my jumpiness, I nearly leapt out of my skin when my phone started ringing in my pocket. Of course the ringtone was the same song. I pulled it out of my pocket. The caller ID said “Baby.” Warily, I pressed the green button.

"Hello?“

"Hey babe. How are you?”

A couple of things happened simultaneously. Shocked by the voice on the other end, I let the phone slip right out of my hand. As that was going on, Darek started laughing. I guess he found some humor in my reaction. I honestly did not expect to hear the voice of a dead girl on the line.

Distantly, in the background, her voice echoed from the phone. “Hello? Are you okay?” Numbly, I groped for the device, my universe turned upside down.

"This can’t be real.“ I whispered. “You can’t be real.”

Confused herself, she responded. “What are you talking about Darek?” Hearing that, his laughter only grew in intensity. I was stunned into silence for a moment. Finally, my mouth remembered how to form syllables and I spoke.

"What did you just call me?“

Cautious and confused, she responded. "Darek? Oh…. oh. Oh God. Mat, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—”

"What?“ I snapped. "Didn’t know I wasn’t your boyfriend? Well I didn’t know you were even alive, so whatever!”

"What are you talking about?“

The memory rose, vague and fuzzy. It seemed everything from before that lengthy slumber was hazy and unclear. Still, the rush of wind, the blaring horn, the stark cold terror came as easily as an old friend. "My logs?” I managed weakly. “The third or fourth one where I pushed you in front of a moving vehicle…”

Darek’s laughter had subsided, but that comment brought it back on in the distant recesses of my head, a light snicker at some humor I couldn’t perceive through my grand confusion.

"You mean Halloween?“ Ali said, understanding dawning in her tone. "When we had that huge fight and stopped talking… I thought you’d never want to see me again… then Darek started talking to me online, and it was kind of like having my best friend back.”

"Sounded to me like the two of you were a little more than best friends.“

Vividly, clearly, I relived that fateful night again. This time, as I screamed at Ali, I saw her burst into tears, turn, and run off down the sidewalk. The truck passed by, the wind picking up my hair. Nobody died. Nothing else happened. Memory troubles? Darek cooed from my subconscious. Ain’t that a pain?

"Look,” Ali began unsteadily, “I was really lonely and he was there for me. It just sort of… happened. It was as natural as breathing.”

Silence followed. A gnawing question beat at my mental processes as I tried to digest the situation. “Were you in love with him?” I finally asked.

She paused, considering her answer. “Mat… I am in love with him. And you. I love every part of you.” The hot Florida sun beat down overhead as I walked down the street. It all seemed unreal. Here was a girl I thought was dead telling me she was in love with someone who didn’t technically exist. Here was a girl I thought was dead who was now my only hint as to what happened over the past several months. It was too much to take.

"No.“ I managed numbly. "Do not do this to me. No, not you, please. Ali, anyone but you.”

"I’m sorry!“ She cried. "I’m so sorry!”

"That doesn’t change a thing. Everyone’s sorry.“ And it was true. In fact it was something Darek was fond of saying. If human beings were any one thing, it was certainly sorry. The whole lot of them were a sorry excuse for living things.

"So…” she paused, searching for the right words. “Is our relationship over now?”

"As far as I’m concerned,“ I answered coldly, "it never started.” Part of me was happy to know she was alive. But mostly I just knew that I didn’t want her to have any misconceptions about my feelings. I had to be cold and direct. Her silence still made me feel guilty and wicked. I could sense Darek basking in the dark emotions dancing around my head.

"Look, I just—” I began.

She cut me off before I could explain. “It’s okay! He told me from day one that it was only a temporary arrangement.”

The defeated way she said that made me feel like, despite it, she hoped it would have been permanent. “I just… I’m sorry.” There. I said it. “A chunk of my life is missing and I’m desperate to fill it. To understand. Why am I in some random motel? How?”

"I can help you.“ She answered. “But only in the ways he permitted.”

"Oh God.“ I couldn’t help it. "The psycho you fell in love with gave you rules?”

"… don’t make it sound like that.“

I sighed. Any information was better than none. "What CAN you tell me?”

"I have logs.“ She said. "They’re on a flash drive. He told me to send them to you when you… woke up. Supposedly they’re accounts of your time on the Outer Layer.”

The Outer Layer again. Of course. I wasn’t nowhere while Darek was wreaking havoc with my body. I must have been spending my time in the place beyond the doorway. This was the first bit of good news I’d had since waking up and I was eager to pursue it.

"When can you get them to me?“

"Someone’s excited.”

I almost laughed at that. Almost. “Try desperate and confused.”

That elicited a giggle from her end of the line. Between the burning sun and the warm phone against my ear, I was starting to feel pretty hot. Noticing a clump of trees, I proceeded to stop and sit in the shade to cool off a bit.

"Okay, look,“ she said, "I’ll send you what I have ASAP. I’ll send it via eMail. You still have that gMail account, right? Just… sit tight.”

I was already doing that, so it didn’t seem like an impossible request. On a whim, I decided to ask another question. “I don’t suppose you know anything else about my life in the past several months, do you?”

"Sorry,“ she answered lamely. "When I saw you, I had, um… other things on my mind…”

I shuddered to think what she could be referring to. “It’s… okay.”

"You sure?“

I wasn’t. "As okay as it’s going to get. Thanks, Ali.”

"If you need anything…“

"I know.” I hung up and lay back in the grass as cars zoomed by and the world continued to turn. I had a sneaking suspicion this was not the last of Darek’s little surprises. I did not look forward to finding more startling truths out, but I knew I couldn’t just let time waste away. I had a lot of work to do if I wanted any semblance of a normal life back.

I began my trek again in time. Thoughts tumbled around discordantly between Darek and Ali and myself. He played the voices that weren’t my own.

I am in love with him. And you. I love every part of you.

No, Ali, please, don’t do this to me. Anyone but you.

It’s okay! He told me from day one it was only a temporary arrangement…

A few incessant loops of that and I found myself at the library. I already had a card so it was a simple matter to make a computer reservation. Immediately upon accessing a library computer, I looked up gMail.

I tried to open gMail up, but, for whatever reason, the library internet insisted it was inapporriate for a public setting. That just pissed me off. I left the library angry and sick, not looking forward to a long and thought-laden walk home.

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