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#i think i am pretty happy with what ive done with my year tho
birbwell · 8 months
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just realized it has been exactly a year since i arrived at france to start my Art Schooling
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I think what anon meant to say is that Mine is the complete opposite of Kiryu, but they have their similarities (both being orphans who became weirdo’s when they grew up) however their paths, the people they surround themselves with, and their worldviews are different.
yeah alright thats fair 😩
#snap chats#i accidentally deleted all my tags im going to fucking scream. im gonna type them all up again but just know im mad#LIKE YEAH. its just the words 'mine is evil capitalist kiryu' shotgunned me in the face i coludnt discern what it meant#the comparison between mine and kiryu is somethin that ive always been interested in tho highkey#after mine's caregiver died he had absolutely no one growing up. meanwhile kiryu had the likes of yumi nishiki and kazama + kashiwagi#kiryu might not have had a biological family anymore but he very much still had a family and a role model#whether kazama was a good one or not aint the topic at hand Point Is its obvious having family in your early years is pretty important#its only astounding mine was able to become a white collar citizen all alone but god...#this is just reminding me i have to finish my childhood development paper WHOOPS its almost done i prommy but anyway#its so unfortunate for mine to be like 'you're like me why are you so happy' because he /isnt/ like mine#he had an entirely different life growing up so of course the two cant connect at all#and with that perspective its just a little insane for kiryu to try to assert that mine should Just Think Differently#thats not his fault obviously he cant know the extent of mine's childhood. all he heard was I Was An Orphan#and took his own experiences and applied them- as mine did towards kiryu#i am. RAMBLING anyway common grounds mine and kiryu do have are orphans + daigo + the lengths theyll go for loved ones#only problem is for mine that includes killing The Loved One because he's insane and thinks coma patients should be mercy killed#like no mine !!!! thats not a thing you can decide put the guN DOWN#ok bye. im gonna stare at my wall
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meshedfabric80fr · 1 year
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15 Questions | 15 People
Rules: Answer these 15 Questions, then Tag 15 People
thanks for tagging me @whywcd !
Are you named after anyone? I think my mom’s great grandmother? someone on my grandfathers side at least, really all my middle names are family names
When was the last time you cried? christmas day probably lol
Do you have kids? ...no. 
Do you use sarcasm a lot? yeah pretty often
What’s the first thing you notice about people? hard to say but probably their hair or their voice
What’s your eye colour? hazel
Scary movies or happy ending? happy endings
Any special talents? Im pretty arts and craftsy, my hot glue gun is like a brother to me. i can also tap dance
Where were you born? canada
What are your hobbies? i read a lot, the aforementioned arts and crafts, when its not -30C out like swimming and hiking/walks
Do you have any pets? I did until semi-recently, but we’re thinking of getting more cats sometime soon
What sports do you play/have you played? When i was really really young i did soccer but that did not last lol, a bit last year i was on the school badminton team and thats really it
How tall are you? 5′ ..i wanna saw 2″ but that might be wishful thinking
Favourite subject at school? my favourite this year was graphics but i also like english, a lot of it depends on the teacher tho
Dream job? i think the most sure about that question ive ever felt is when, for three years, i told everyone i wanted to be a paleontologist cuz i wanted to impress a kid at daycare who loved dinosaurs, but for know i think id like to do something in design, but whether that be clothes or houses or something else im not sure
not sure whos already done anything so feel free to ignore but tagging: @wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj @curious-georg @i-am-a-whimsy-boy @trouvailleamor @obsidianfire25 @twentysevensummers @mossterious @ alice i know ur seeing this, and this is definitely cheating but i do not know other people lol so open tag <3
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bigolgay · 4 months
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Happy new years
Nervous rambling below
I think I’m a slut
Actually I know I am
First I kiss Harley at midnight (a surprisingly good kisser… for a man. Not a fan of the stubble tho, that’s not fun). Gotta kiss the homies💪💪💪
THEN PRETTY GIRL FLIRTS WITH ME AS I COME OUT OF THE TOILET.
FIND OUT PRETTY GIRL WAS IN THE YEAR ABOVE ME IN PRIMARY SCHOOL.
THEN WE FRICK.
IDK WHAT DO NOW.
IVE MESSAGED HARLEY BUT HE HASNT RESPONDED.
HE DROVE ME HERE.
Actually now I think about it he’s probably downstairs, omg okay maybe I’m safe. He can take me home in the morning. I thought I was stranded.
Anyway. Im just laying on the bed in the spare room (I didn’t frick pretty girl in it worry not. That’s fucked up.) while pretty girl is sleeping.
BUT I CANT SLEEP BECAUSE IM A SLUT. AND AM FEELKNG THE GUILT.
Also my already hurty back is hurty much worse now (don’t read to far into that). I am now sober as well so I haven’t got alcohol as a pain reliever. I could sneak downstairs and see if there’s any alcohol left but also I don’t wanna still be drunk in the morning.
ALSO I DONT WANNA BE A DICK AND SMASH AND DASH. NUT AND BOLT. HIT IT AND QUIT IT. One hit wonder? Wait stop I’m trying not to giggle and wake her up.
My original plans for tonight was to get drunk and watch my mum and stepdad get stoned and then when they go to bed play some gta online because lols.
But then FUCKING HARLEY IS LIKE “hey guess what? (Name of person here) is throwing a house party for new years and I miss you so much because you’re the most magical human being ever and I love you endlessly, so please please please come with me and grace me with your presence🙏” I might’ve paraphrased slightly, but that was basically what he said.
And I’m a good girl and turn to my mum and go “pls let me go house party I’ll be good gorl and not cause any trouble or come stumbling into the house at ridiculous time.” And she said “👍”.
AND THEN I GO AND FRICK SOMEONE. I LIED MUM I SORRY I CAUSE TROUBLE.
Although I’m an adult and she totally won’t care right? Who I spend my time with is none of her business. Ahhhhh guys I’m actually secretly a lil baby and sososo shy and I’m just a silly little guy.
Omg it’s only been 15 minutes??? I’m running out of things to do now. Like what else am I to say???? I mean it’s 6am… I could totally just go downstairs and make food or something.
OMG SHE JUST SCARED THE POOP OUT OF ME SHE JUST STARTED TALKING IN HER SLEEP.
I wonder where Harley is. I think he’s in the garage? Although it’s cold as balls in there, but they were all playing never have I ever in there last I checked… which… was like… 5 and a half hours ago?
My new years celebrations are usually so tame wtf.
Okay… I took a minute (several minutes) to think. I’m freaking out for no reason. We fricked. That’s fine and cool. We both consenting adults. I’m an adult. Mum isn’t the boss of me. I’ve had sex before. Oh god has she had sex before?? I mean probably. I’ve never done a proper one nightstand before guys. Non committal sex? Oh baby that’s the closest I’ve ever had to romantic affection in my life. But I’ve always sort of known them beforehand. But this is fine. New experience!!! Okay I’m calmer now. Should I sleep? I guess I should probably try and sleep.
Okay, ramblings concluded. I’m not nervous anymore. See? Sometimes I just need to write my thoughts down so I can look at them and rationalise them. Goodnight I guess…
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aro-culture-is · 2 years
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I accepted my asexuality pretty quickly. The country i live in sees the topic of sex as taboo and its never talked about. NEVER. Its toxic and bad but meh, its the culture. Maybe the reason i never had a problem with it was becauss im asexual.
But realising i might be aro is not. Im struggling with internalized arophobia. Im having identity crisis and existential crisis. And ive heard being aro/ace can be due to trauma? Is that real? Because if it is, lots of things start to make sense about me. Aplatonic aros? Is that a thing too? Ive always felt unfit. Never wanted a friend but seeing everyone in a group or with someone made me feel unworthy and broken from a young age. I don't want a traditional family and i feel like the one i currently am in would've gotten rid of me a long time ago if they could. My dad never kept it a secret how he disliked us, i know my mom sees me as a failure even tho she reassures me, and my brother's world is totally different from me. The few friends i managed to keep throughout the years either gotten on with their lives or found better people. What's the point of living then? Am i even human? How are other aros doing it? Am i aro or just a really shitty person who lost faith in love a long time ago? I need help
hi,
for one, yes - being a-spec can be due to trauma. There's even a microlabel for being aro (caedromantic) or ace (caedsexual) due to trauma.
aplatonic (apl) aros are absolutely a thing!
I'm so very sorry that you've had such a terrible experience with your family. Coming from an emotionally abusive household, I know how much it can completely change how you interact with others. If it is available and mental health services are okay in your country, I'd really recommend seeing a therapist. Even if you don't discuss aromanticism, asexuality, or aplatonicism, it's worth discussing with a professional about the ways you have been affected by the trauma of a family that never seems to accept you.
speaking again as a traumatized individual - as i've worked on my mental health, accepting my trauma, and moving forwards from my trauma, I personally have only grown more capable of accepting myself as aromantic and aplatonic-spectrum. I've learned that my life is my own; I can define what makes me happy in life and seek that, even if others will never understand.
I don't enjoy romantic relationships or living with others - so for me, my ideal future involves planning around living alone and what makes me happiest within that framework. I've considered that I do still get lonely, and that I'd love to have a cat - probably two, since some research seems to indicate cats generally are better adjusted when there are two.
I've thought about how I use my time - I'm disabled and in literal, full-body physical pain 24/7. Going places is an activity that requires me to plan recovery time, so I work especially hard to make my daily living comfortable. I'm currently working on finding little ways to make my life easier - putting meds, food, and water within easy reach of my bed and desk, for example - and learning to allow myself to enjoy those little things.
There's a certain amount of childish glee I'm learning to allow myself to enjoy from small activities. Those, for me, are a primary set of reasons to live. I enjoy my lotions, I eat breakfast for every meal, I lipsync in my bathroom mirror and giggle at my expressions. I learn to live as myself and I learn to see the small joys in it.
This isn't to suggest you aren't trying hard enough to find those joys! I don't think I truly could have done this without anti-depressants, therapy, and supportive friends (friendship is... complicated for me). You will have your own path forwards. I promise that with time and practice, things get better. It's rarely a sudden moment of change. It's often a sensation of taking a deep breath, saying to yourself "I am allowed to feel this way, and I am allowed to do what helps me feel better", and learning to comfort yourself. It's like seeing an echo of your younger self desperately trying not to cry, and realizing that they still exist within you, and you are now also the adult comforting that child, parenting yourself through things your parents never prepared you for.
I really, really hope things improve for you. You deserve to enjoy life. You deserve to not hurt.
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the-rxven-king · 11 months
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Still thinking about Amadeus all these years later 💕
Got any OCs you're currently obsessed with atm? The council of I Heart Amadeus would like to know, oh great one of many fabulous OCs~
THE WAY YOURE STILL HERE AND THINKING ABOUT HIM ALMOST MADE ME C RY LIKE
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idk who you are and idk if i ever will but know that i think about you sometimes cause it makes my heart so happy that someone loves one of my characters so much even tho i get scared to talk about them more often cause i dont wanna be obnoxious, you are always amadeus anon in my heart and i love you pls come into my inbox whenever you want to ask about whatever i will try to answer quickly sometimes it just takes a while for my brain to feel ready but i will Always try to answer questions about my ocs
i will ramble about some of my characters under a cut i dont wanna flood anyones dash with my bullshit if they dont want it!!! anyone playing in a campaign with me..... proceed with caution if you read!!! even tho i am coming back to this after deciding i needed to be done and. i didnt say too much spoilery shit. i didnt even talk backstory much. its fine.
as for ocs im obsessed with i am Entirely Not Normal about my character nowell, i wasnt fully normal about him when i first made him, but at the time i was only really talking to my ex and all the parts of nowell that really made him Nowell to me were things he didnt want to discuss so i didnt get to explore him to his full capacity. i dont blame him since nowell is one of the darkest characters??? ive ever made???? in terms of the things hes gone through? i affectionately call him a walking trigger warning. but it still made me sad sometimes
now tho? when i was able to put him into a modern horror dnd campaign and i played him a bit before our current hiatus? where ive gotten to fully explore him and every single facet of him, good and bad? it really unleashed him fully in my brain and it kinda makes me really emotional. i fully developed his backstory out more than i felt i could before (because what did it matter before if i could never utilize it? had to dull him down to be easier to deal with and honestly i think thats had an effect on his character now too) and ive learned more about him, hes grown into himself and he truly is out here changing my brain chemistry. i love him so, so, so much and i have drawn him more than any other oc i have im pretty sure. hes my most drawn son and i really wish i was braver about posting oc art on my blog now a days like i used to be in the past because i love my art of him. im pretty proud of it and the way hes made me want to create again. i just wish i could do him more justice yknow??? g uh hes everything to me im holding him so so gently in my arms
and also my boy veth???? g o d i love him sm especially since i!!! recently got to confirm/drop a big lore reveal about him in my campaign thats been going for like 2 years at this point!!! my party finally knows hes the only survivor of the royal family of kuzania and thus the rightful heir to the throne and not the BBEG whose currently ruling! i feel So Free now that i can mention his princely-ness truly i do. hes just. so sweet and so lovely and hes everything i love in a character cause truly i just accidentally made My Type in a man and now its just veth. the only way he could be even more my type is if he was a tiefling instead of an elf but he makes up for that by being like. 1/4 platinum shadow dragon. and one day thats gonna pop out with him i know it to be so. i want him to be able to have a bit of a draconic-ish form because of how STRONG that 1/4 dragon blood is. im gonna work on it eventually, but im v happy with him hes so pretty and i adore him
he also recently canonically got with a PC in the campaign (hes a main story npc!!!) and im So Not Normal About Them theyre driving me up a wall and i literally cried over them earlier this week because my friend came at me with a fuckin baseball bat of an answer to a vague scenario/question i told them about cause im batshit and think about character scenarios every day of my life.
im also leaving my setting for that campaign open for friends who arent playing in it to make characters and throw em in and one of my friends made an au of a character she already had that im Deeply And Completely Obsessed With named creed to put him into this world specifically to date veth cause theyre obsessed with veth like i am their chara and we had joked like "aha what if we just picked them up like barbies and made them kiss just to see if it worked out" and now they are literally The Couple Ever. like there have never been 2 men who were more perfect for each other in this entire world and the way they have a fuckin grip on me. i have also cried over them several times. veth is a poly king and by GOD is he winning rn. we have made this au version of creed canon in stadalon so veth is gonna have TWO boyfriends!!!! perhaps 2 husbands! perhaps 3!!!! cause another friend has an oc to kiss him with!!! we shall see!!!!
guuuuh and also my vampire spawn shadow genasi/tiefling requiem??? recently hes been So Loud in my head. i specifically made him to romance a character my friend made (same one who made creed) named harbinger cause i saw him and immediately fell head over heels and begged her to let me kiss him and other friends in the call at the time he was shown immediately jumped on the bandwagon wanting to make characters in relation to him (2 of them made siblings for him, theyre triplets! and the other just decided to make the most normal man ever (a fuckin lie. theyre Not Fucking Normal) because of the triplets happening and me being like imma out-goth this goth tiefling and out came requiem) and the last friend in call decided hell why not make a whole campaign out of these losers just for this One Blue Tiefling Our Friend Made That We All Love.
in campaign shit is Constantly Happening but me and them were talking and she told me that harbinger is finally starting to get to a point hes falling for him and requiems already been there cause hes disney prince ass level falls hard and fast. im cheering and screaming and kicking and crying i love them so much we keep talking future scenarios for them and im so deeply in love with how soft and gentle and adoring theyre going to be with one another one day and i would die for them both.
plus i just. Love requiem sm hes such a big soft sad bastard and the fact that he loves and cares so fuckin deeply and hes so kind? so open? so genuine? was not in the plans when i first sat down to play him he was supposed to be more moody and a bit more intense than he is now. he held my face before i even opened my mouth to play him and said no. i am kind. i am patient and understanding and i was born to love and to take care of people. i have also cried over him. i love him so so much and im just guuuUUUH yknow what i mean.
anyway. ill leave it at those 3!!! or i will never shut up!!! i have more ive been thinking about a lot recently but i will leave it at my 3 most precious blorbos if you made it this far i adore you pls take all my love
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haeroniel-doliet · 1 year
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A lil updates and thoughts going on rn! Mostly about art again :') putting it under read more tho bc it got away from me again all rambly lmao
Hooo wheee! Life has been a little busy huh. Finally going to work again even if it is pretty much part time, other hobbies im keeping up with, trying to keep up on life admin and its going almost well! Shame im realizing i havent worked on my drawings in well over a month now 😅
Part of me is slightly dreading going back to them rn bc ive spent hours and hours on them already and they still need many hours before i post them....
You know that one guy on like tiktok/youtube shorts whos a really friendly old artist with a hobbit hole studio and does like 1hr paintings that look incredible? Obviously i dont expect myself being rusty and also not with years and years of experience to do the same but wouldn't that be the dream? To be able to just create and be done and happy with it in just an hour or a few and move on. How sad it is how many things i have started and not finished, outting in hours and hours where it doesnt really make even a super significant difference.
Also its that dinluke positivity week thing (god i hope this doesnt show up in the tag lmao sorry) i was really hyped months ago thinking its great prompts and great time to partake in my favourite fandom especially before february 2023 inevitably changes the scene in some way! But all of a sudden mid november is here and thats kinda terrifying! I have no clear idea for any of them, nothing im like desperate to draw and my current drawing doesnt really fit them either. Im thinking maybe i should try like, giving myself idk 2 hrs max to just make something beginning to end and if i hate it its ok i dont have to post it. But maybe i will and it could be fun! Sure i am too tired to properly do anything but idk, even making one post could give me excitement and hype for things i used to enjoy and something that isnt just real life and like job related.
To be fair i could also go for the much more guaranteed dopamine boost and play a video game ive been thinking of playing again for months. Sure i dunno which to choose and im not like super inclined to anything even tho i would like to play multiple of them again, just playing alone is a little boring i guess.
The more i spend just overthinking the quicker my sunday will be over and ill have to do next week and god knows ill be busy!! I should try drawing bc its there floating in my mind and could be easier to slip in into the day routine to do a little here and there rather than like, playing skyrim for 30 mins loll. Or oblivion bc for some reason ive been missing it. Or battlefront, even tho that is really hard to play without really trying my hardest and getting readjusted to the pace of it
Alright ok im gonna set up my digital art stuff, im gonna challenge myself to sketch something on theme for all the prompts and see what ends up catching my attention. If i can do 1 or even a couple of them thatd be really really neat!
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boojersey · 1 year
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☕ fave mcr eras and albums?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OKAY OKAY I LIKE THIS ONE AND HOPE NO ONE HATES ME FOR MY ORDER BUT
1. revenge (obviously i mean look at me i am drenched in black and red at all times and gerards hair was just so nice) specific parts include flour face gerard and that photoshoot with the blood covering his hand in a building with brick walls and arches it looked like a church basement and the vampire one for kerrang where its a girls back and theyre covered in blood and hes biting her neck hehe, reasoning for it being my favorite is it has only one song i skip (ghost of you) and every other has a lot more that i usually do and just how theatric and dramatic but also edgy everything was, tbp is more theatric BUT theres more Hope vibes and this is that but with despair and blood and guns and coffins and that just appeals to me fundamentally way more especially when im in my bag. it probably has my most favorite songs too, like to the end cemetery drive jetset life and HANG EM HIGH OR MOTHERFUCKING DIE. maybe my favorite mcr song but im not thinking too hard when i say that
pic of my closet below lmao two of my favorite drawings ive done (theyre for sale wink wink! dm me if interested anyone, gerard is blacklight reactive)
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2. bullets, its just so suburban i feel like I'm back in Jersey its October and im walking past cul de sacs and the sunset is bright fucking orange its fantastic its art in every sense and its full of sorrow bc its the closest album chronologically to 9/11 and gerard had the least sureness in the future but he was so confident and it just bleeds into everything so hard, my favorite moments in life are majorly moments similar to what i described. wearing a hoodie and jeans and converse and observing the way the streetlights color the concrete and asphalt, especially if theres been rain. chinese food from family restaurants and rolling rock beer and sitting at neighborhood playgrounds on the swingset rocking back and forth with the carbonation buzzing in your brain. favorite moments include the pic of frank and gerard smoking on pool chairs and that pic of them in some grandmas house with wooden walls and a china and tchotchke cabinet and lace curtains and im pretty sure mikeys sitting on the leg of a couch.it was my desktop bg for a year or two.
3. black parade; i really appreciate the death topic and i will admit i struggle to get on the Hope wavelength throughout esp in famous last words ykno the keep on living part but there are some of my favorite fucking demos like emily and all the angels and im Pretty surE desert song but smack my ass and call me a moron if its wrong. i will say visually other than the marching band outfits its the least interesting era, the white hair was just kinda there to me and no one else had anything outstandingly russling my jimmies. frank did have some cute hair curls on his bangs tho sometimes. i do rlly like the whole haunted vibe tho bc of the paramounts effect on them tho, when i notice it in songs and lyrics it is pretty effective in makin my spine straighten with the hollow eyed, sleepless and frankly a little scared nervous energy. house of wolves has been in my rotation the past month or so bc it reminds me of trevor gta a lot. wttbp i skip every time just about. i save that song for when people are trying to be emo allies and queue it on the aux or when it comes on the radio or in public. blood is AMAZING and reminds me a lot of the song air from the hair soundtrack, and i wonder if gerard was trying to specifically mimic that songs vibe because if u ask me thats very gerard. i think overall the concept and the lore of the album's fruition appeal to me more than anything else, i also love mother war and some of the other various character designs.
4. current era; im saying this because foundations of decay is literally that promising of a single and the shows' outfits are so wonderful and the energy and love and happiness is just so fucking palpable that i already know this is where the new album is gonna sit for me. its gonna be so fucking good. we all know this so well. favorites include nurse gerard the mikey fuckin way shirts and that slicked back hair gerard mmf yum
5. danger days; im SORRRY i just. the songs only appeal to me on a surface level aside from destroya and i always just get rlly bad feelings when i see pics of gerard bc i know he said he was starving himself and it makes me :/ more than anything else seeing him. i feel Bad saying he looked hot. this is also the only album with songs i actively dislike within. i will say that when i say i like destroya. i fucking Love destroya. its so good its so fucking good its everything to me. OH and im gonna include the killjoys comic in this and say that even though i love it so fucking much its not enough to put it above current era. its not that i dislike danger days. its that every other era is so strong compared in my mind that since something has to be last it will be this. favorite moments include the videos of them behind the scenes for na na na laughing and having fun the photoshoot with the backdrop where they're all underneath it and gerard looks like a fucking otherworldly being level insane like hes made of porcelain and the mv shots of them in the trans am at night especially going in the tunnel speeding ass out of town. i will add that i discovered mcr thru sing bc it was on a rhythm game i owned at 11 and i still remember the two days before mcr broke up when i finally remembered to give them a listen and openly cried watching them all die in the killjoy vids so theres a nostalgic rawness that part of me wants to leave preserved like an artifact at a museum.
anyway novel over those are my full thoughts on the mcr eras
things i didnt mention that i shouldve include the bat buckle the infamous stage kiss the spitting and gerard palming his cock through his jeans on stage lmao
oh also dewees is great and needs more recognition
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fuwushiguro · 2 years
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hope you're having a great day luxe <3
i know that you probably get a ton of asks about wusyaname and maybe its a bit tiring to read about it but you dont understand how much i love the dynamic. mean!megumi?? nobody writes him like you do. im genuinely in love with your writting style. i love how reader is a torn between yuji and megumi. i love how reader is trying to convince herself of possibly feelings shes trying to deny all while trying her best in staying loyal to yuji- who- doesnt have contact with her for a while (up until the latest chapter(s) AND megumi is kind of warming up to her(WHICH WAS AMAZINGLY WRITTEN) and honestly, im not sure what to think about wusyaname!megumi now cuz as much as i wanna love him hes just done so many things man 😭 and also can we talk about the pacing? literally perfect. absolutely, genuinely, perfect. one issue i have with reading is i cant seem to find the fics with good pacing. its either too slow or too fast-paced. and wow, yours though? it had my CAPTIVATED and gripping my seat for the next chapter istg. im so happy with how all your works turn out. and not only do i love wusyaname, i thoroughly enjoyed you deserve roses and you know this ohhh lord i cannot tell you how good this was. literally brought me to tears. i know this was a little while ago but i still think about it daily <3 it was so beautifully written, you have the hands of angels i swear. your writting literally cured my acne and made my lactose intolerance go away. that fr tho had me crying and sliding down my wall. i dont know why i torture myself with cheating fanfics it HURTS man but i am so happy i read the ones you wrote because i got a taste of fucking HEAVEN. and the one sentence that went like "he was yours before his wife came" (i know its not exact) had my heart hurting man. i was literally sobbing why do i do this to myself 😭 it was so fucking deep and quite literally made me cry, oh my God, that was heavenly luxe. you are the most talented writter ever, i swear.
thank you luxe for everything you do please have an amazing day/night/evening <33 (also i saw your rb on sending long messages lol i finally have the courage to write this now <3)
wusyaname asks are pretty much the only ones i get about my fics which is always welcome i love talking about it so i dont mind if u wanna come here and gush over it hehe, gives me a reason to keep writing it! i dont even remember how i got the idea for bully megumi and this entire series but ive been writing it for over a year now and im so glad i decided to continue writing and that so many people have stuck with it and are still reading it to this day 🥺
but O M G that toji fic killed me!! another one i loved writing since it was based on a dream so im glad i have that fic to remember it in a weird way? like, it was a horrible dream where I woke up crying but it's cool that I dreamt about my absolute fave it was v cool in a way. its v v v emotional I definitely added a lot more plot into the fic but the dream was a bit different and just SO emotional wow.............
but omg thank you so much for your praise im not sure i deserve it tbh but i appreciate it so much! thank you for sending me such a sweet and beautiful ask it means the world to me, truly. feel free to send an ask whenever u wanna chat or anything pls dont be shy i dont bite <3
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qualityempathshoebear · 4 months
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2023 reflection (thank god its over)
A year finishes and another comes right around the corner, eh? No but seriously, 2023 was not a good year overall. I mean, sure, there were some wins here and there which im happy about but the circustances i found myself under throughout this year was just not it. I will say this tho: i am really proud of myself for surviving this hell of a year when i at many points in time didnt think i would. Its been a year where ive spent my times worrying, stressing, and feeling lonely in the hell place 2.0, but also a year of improvement where ive gone to college and met so many new lovely people. Its been a year of letting people who arent good for me go (and sure, i can get better at this) as well as reflecting and learning from past mistakes. Some wins from this year include: surviving hell place 2.0, getting into the college and courses I wanted, passing CAP 1s (plus, getting pretty decent grades as a starting point), and most recently; getting selected for a program and a free trip to Poland.
2024 is going to be one of the most important years of my life. This is the year that decides what uni I go to, and you better bet your last dollar ill be going to a damn good one! Im going to work my ass of like no tomorrow to make sure i get what i want. I havent done all ive done, and lost all ive lost, for nothing. Ill make every last sacrifice count. 2024 is the year I stop worrying about boys or drama. It doesnt serve me, and sure as hell wont give me the results I need for uni. Work hard now, play harder later. Im only here for less than two years before leaving, so the grades I leave with is what counts. Effort, self-improvement and Hope are the words which will describe 2024.
Happy new years! I look forward to updating you <3
Pssttt! I totally forgot to say this, but you remember those 2023 goals? yeah no, they didnt happen. Except for maybe the books (i read 35!) and the nails (at some point).
My 2024 goals are:
-Read at least 35 books, gain weight, clear my skin, study every chance I get (at least 3 hours a day), get a minimum of 1520 on my SAT, get predicted (minimum) A*A*A, workout once a week, and drink 2L of water a day.
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trans-mink · 1 year
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Heres that post I said I'd make of my concert experiences in 2022 and my issues with access as a person with hypermobility.
Bare in mind I'd only ever been to 2 pre covid and I managed to get to 4 this year :D. I am still getting used to what works for me in terms of managing my disability in different contexts.
Queen
My first one of 2022 was queen and adam lambert. It was so good, those old men can move, their vocals are still in great nick especially Brian's. The visuals were great too, a lot of lights and imagery from their different eras. Adam on a spinning motorbike for Bicycle, hell yeah. Was hoping they'd perform Innuendo which is my fav queen song but they did not, they did do The show must go on however which is almost as good. Cried a lot at These are the days of our lives.
Can't say much in terms of access cos I was standing (bad decision bcs i hurt like hell afterward but i got that ticket off someone else so)
Carpenter Brut
Honestly wish I'd enjoyed it more but there were several things working against me there. Its the kind of music I listen to while doing other stuff cos its mostly instrumental so sitting and bobbing along kinda didnt cut it for me personally. I think id have had a better experience if I was able to stand up and dance as well as having the option to sit but we werent allowed to do that rip. No way I could have gone in the pit bcs by this point my mobility issues had worsened. That and I was worrying about my nova twins concert the following week bcs my doctor was refusing to provide a disability note for me :^).
In terms of access for that, I did have to go up stairs cos the building doesnt have lifts (listed venues baybeee). Thankfully i dont have trouble with stairs but a lot of people do so :/. The seats were not comfortable at all and my back hurt after 😭
Nova Twins
As previously mentioned I saw Nova Twins the week after and was given a disabled seat despite my doctor being a cunt about it. Very glad I did, the view was good and I was able to stand up/ dance when I needed to (if i sit for too long my hips lock). Got to see the hosts of We wear black pod there so that was great, got their signatures and they said i was pretty :'). The acts themselves went hard, most energetic concert I've been to bar janelle monae it was so much fun. Hurt my arms headbanging off the railing bcs of course I did. Wish they'd done Devil's Face but we move.
Again, this building is listed and has no lift and im unsure if it has ramps. The complain in terms of my own access is that the disabled seats were just benches and when I asked for a seat with a back I was told there were none (fantastic for those of us with back problems, my ass had to get on the floor and stretch out bc of them shitty seats and in the end it was comfier to stand and move around). Chased it up with a complaint email and was told they do keep chairs with back support but this clearly wasnt communicated to the security team. That or the guy I asked just couldnt be bothered which....
First Aid Kit
First concert I'd been to completely alone and I'm super happy I'm at a point where I can do things more independantly. Their Support Lola Kirke was good, amazed that this woman was able to jump around and play guitar with her nipples only covered by stars, if I did that I'd hit myself in the face.
First aid kit themselves were so fucking good, I went in without having listened to the new album (got a signed copy while i was there tho hehe), it was a good gamble cos I cried the instant they walked out on that stage and performed Palomino. Visuals were my second fav after Queen's, they had shots of horses, fields, ocean, stuff like that it was super pretty. Cried at Lion's roar and some other songs, think thats the most ive cried at a gig so far. Enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would holy shit. That bitch was packed to the rafters and everyone lost their shit it was so fucking loud!!!
I had a seat in circle with a pretty good view considering I was kinda late into getting tickets cos i had no idea they were touring until about a month ago jkdbfvjhbhjb. This time the seats didnt make my back hurt which is a plus :D.
Final thoughts
I'm happy that I got to see everyone I did this year bcs it helps me work out what I like and dont like and what works for me. I wish venues would not make people prove theyre disabled just to get a fucking seat (particularly if its an a standing venue!!!) and doctors stop restricting access to shit we clearly need like I wouldnt bother asking if it wasn't essential :^). Your accessible seating is not accessible if it doesn't provide basic support lol!!!!
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realhankmccoy · 2 years
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you know what, maybe i'll get a house and a bunch of guinea pigs.
i don't fucking know what a single gay man who's entire family wants nothing to do with him except my sole university-educated cousin -- she went to University of Wisconsin-Whitewater ... her mother and my aunt who can barely walk... yeah, the loving females with big hearts love me and never lose their temper on me...
it's many, tho not all, of the rest who are IMMATURE SELFISH FUCKFACES WITH ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES.
some are just weird reclusive Dems others are just weird reclusive conservatives
anyhow i don't know what precisely i'm expected to be doing with myself. how would i know? My hateful dad is a paragon of mental illness -- and my mother just says what matters is being happy.
is that really all i'm setting for, learning how to cook various typical American dishes and any ole job? I guess it is for the year mostly, yes. I'm sick of pressurising myself. I did it for decades and people still shit all over me and didn't notice any of the effort i put in. even CEOs and PhDs just totally fucking blind to everything, not a clue because all they see is a peasant -- they think i don't read books. they think i've never worked. they think i'm probably too dumb to balance a checking account. they think i have never had an original idea. they think my politics are a travesty.
of course, fuck what they think but the problem is these type are legion and you will meet many more JUST as snotty JUST as sneery JUST as stupid. They actually think it's smart to treat others like there's nothing to them. These types think down is up and up is down at all times. They'd think feeding a turd to a child will produce a better child if they could get away with it.
anyhow, yes for the next calendar year i am settling for a pretty simple life. ive done the 8-armed man simultaneously striving to be balancing every plate and learning every thing way too long.
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imagines-mha · 3 years
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⭒ haikyuu x exam season ⭒
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Daichi- when i say he is the MOODIEST person when studying. It’s all fun and games until you interrupt him one too many times and he fucking explodes. Needs 2 chill
Suga- his goal in life is to be an aesthetic studyblr like this man will go and get iced coffee, order the prettiest stationary and then spend 20 minutes organising it for his instagram. As for ACTUALLY studying? He’s amazing at it. Literally the person we all aspire to be
Asahi- anxiety crams before tests. He does more than like 70% of his classmates but is always convinced he’s fallen behind on everything. Cries a LOT when he doesnt understand smth
Noya- another one who cries only he does it SO easily. Personally victimised by anything past question 1. Gets literally everyone to do his work for him
Tanaka- tries so hard he really really does. His handwriting is a mess and his notes look like something a 7 year old would do. Gets everything wrong but doesnt let it stop him
Ennoshita- did someone say pretentious straight A student??? Offers to help his friends just so he can flex his pretty notes and intelligence. Seems like he has everything under control but really? He cries like once a night in the lead up to exams
Kageyama- he doesnt have any room for anything in his head that isnt volleyball. Hes hopeless
Hinata- LACKS COMMON SENSE SO BAD. He’ll finally understand EVERYTHING but write the answer in the wrong place or leave out a decimal place in the exam. Stupidest mistakes
Tsukishima- he sticks to a study schedule like what? Who tf sticks to a schedule? Doesnt like to flaunt his grades around anyone who isnt hinata and kageyama, but akiteru and his mom are 100% the type to post his grades all over facebook like “so proud of my son !!!!!!”
Yamaguchi- the king of saying he hasn’t done much for exams, but then stays up every night til 2am studying. He HATES people having any expectations of him so keeps all his preparation secret lmao.
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Kuroo- hes smart and he flaunts it so bad. 100% a teacher's pet, especially for science. Around exam season he lives in the library. Motivates kenma to study with him too tho hes so supportive
Kenma- hes naturally smart, which is like 70% of the reason his grades are good bc he does NOT study. Leaves it all to the night before/ when hes with his friends in the library but other than that nope he doesnt have energy
Lev- doesn't fully register he’s taking a test until he’s 3 questions in and hasn’t written a single word. Then he starts panicking.
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Bokuto- he goes through the 5 stages of grief every single time he has to study. Gets frustrated as hell when he cant understand something, gets distracted by everything, a mess. Always leads to him slamming his textbook shut and sulking for an hour
Akaashi- the only one in fukurodani who actually spreads his studying out over the year so he doesnt have to cram. He has pretty notes and diagrams but still gets so stressed smh
Konoha- “yeah ill study in ten minutes” *cue him 6 hours later only starting* studies mostly at night and doesnt care about grades , yet still manages to score really good on every test
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Oikawa- if this man is anything he’s dedicated. Actually finds balance between volleyball and studying when exam season’s in full swing, but that doesnt mean he still doesnt overwork himself. Surviving on 40 minutes of sleep and coffee lmao
Mattsun- doesn’t take school seriously at all. Hes like “who cares im gonna die one day” “if i dont know it now ill never know it”. So fucking chill
Makki- tries to be like issei so bad but it fails every time. He’s like “yeah who cares about biology anyway lmao”. He is a liar. He cried for 2 hours over biology last night smh. Biology is actually his number one care.
Iwa- naturally smart and follows a routine. The only healthy studier in seijoh tbh. Motivates his friends so much though hes the only reason mattsun and makki pass smh
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Ushijima- sounds pretentious but he doesnt mean it. The worst person to study with because hes so naturally smart and makes everyone feel stupid. Hes like “how do you not understand this? Its easy?”
Tendou- hes so average when it comes to studying i cant even explain it. He goes home and studies, has dinner, watches some anime and studies a little more, then just goes to bed? Never overly concerned about it but hes the best for calming nerves. Makes you really believe things will be okay
Goshiki- CHRONIC WORRIER OH MY GOD. definitely gets the shakes before an exam and almost has a fuckin panic attack every single time, never feels prepared but he really is. Needs tendou for emotional support
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Atsumu- too confident in his abilities lmao. He’s like “yeah ive got this i totally know it” then acts shocked and appalled when he fails. Thinks he’s the main character, therefore he HAS to pass. He’s not. And he never learns.
Osamu- the slightly smarter twin yet still not exceptional in any way. Doesnt really care about grades, he knows there’s more to life but still studies enough to pass
Kita- hello mr “whats a failing grade”. Never stresses and never fails. Actually the top of his class in basically everything. Manages to study and still find time for hobbies.
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Aone- i am convinced a hug from him would get me through exam season every single year. Another person who just? Doesnt stress? Follows a routine and doesnt mind if he doesnt know something in the test. wow
Futakuchi- “i dont care about exams at all fuck them” *gets 53% and cries*. He doesnt have the patience to study and feels betrayed when all his friends actually do the work
Koganegawa- hes like hinata only he actually passes most of the time. Works SO hard and gets so happy when it pays off!! Always treats himself to mcdonalds after an exam thats self love babie
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Terushima- you need to be cautious around this man. He’ll spend every night of exam season partying and ignoring any responsibility, yet still come out with 100% in everything. Where does he find the time? How does that work? What the fuck?
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a-slut-for-smut · 2 years
Note
002 | for ereannie? ^^
OOO this is a good one! I actually been wanting to explore what draws me to this ship, so thanks for sending :D
002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:
When I started shipping them:
Definitely that training scene where Annie wipes the fking floor with Eren- seriously when i saw that scene i was like OH HOHOHO N O I C E
Something about a woman so effortlessly handing an overconfident man his ass just tickles the ovaries so splendidly, ya know? i could (and will) dine on that scene for years to come, i mean, let's be honest- how could you not:
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My thoughts:
Full disclosure i'm not a hardcore ereannie shipper (altho i do crush HARD on Annie) but this is my preferred pairing for each of them, especially from the start. I just love a ship dynamic where both characters plays a huge role in each other's development, shared parallels and shown to have a mutual respect for one another. Honestly, if Eren had shown even a fraction of respect he had for Annie to Mikasa it would have made the ending much more palatable for me. Also I am so WEAK for ships where the women could very easily whoop the man's ass, just love the power dynamics involved lol. Admittedly my fervor for the ship waned when Isayama in his infinite wisdom kept Annie stuck in a crystal for 84 years/out of the story, and with the Return to Shiganshina/Marley arc i bought into Erehisu/Eren's baby theory because...well, it made perfect sense given logical character motivations and their development.
What makes me happy about them:
My headcanon of how Annie will time and again beat the crap out of Eren and he freakin McLoves it (he asks for it honestly) XD
What makes me sad about them:
How they didn't have any interaction in the ending/Marley arc. And as with most characters in SNK, it was upsetting how their characters ended up, development-wise. Annie brought back more like an afterthought but had no real service to the plot and ultimately just becomes a female love interest in the end. Eren...jesus i dont even know where to begin so i wont lol
Things done in fanfic that annoys me:
I'll be honest- i haven't read exclusively ereannie fics, what ive read is usually them as a secondary ship in a RM fic. In this instance, I would say one thing i dont generally vibe with so much is infidelity/cheating- its not something i can condone in real life and i have a mutual respect kink so it kinda takes me out of a fic/hard for me to invest fully in that kind of story.
Things I look for in fanfic:
hot steamy smut! (with explicit consent of course)
My wishlist:
I really wish they had an explicit interaction in the end. To think how much Annie contributed to Eren's character (and vice versa) and not having them say one word to each other? What a waste. (i know he "supposedly" spoke to her in PATHS but that whole sequence seemed pretty ehhh/hand-wavey to me honestly). Even Annie having one line/POV during the titan fest brawl would have sufficed- "Eren...was this who you were all along? I could never imagine you could ever be capable of this..." etc etc
Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:
As i mentioned above, to me Eren with Historia made complete sense given how the manga was progressing/logical motivations/their shared parallels not to mention the character development potential for both was through the roof.
I really vibe with AnnieHitch and Mikannie- i love their dynamic with each other, respectively. I dont mind Aruani (even tho him visiting her alone repeatedly and her having no choice in the matter can come off a bit…creepy...but hey isayama’s warped sense of romance rears it’s questionable head again) BUT i love how Hitch calls him out on it XD
Anyway I think i'd like it better if Annie wasn't brought back to essentially become a female love interest :/
My happily ever after for them:
Honestly...just an ending where their characters aren't completely butchered *sighs*
Actually...on second thought an ending where Annie personally whoops Eren's ass into the next dimension/PATHs or whatever (and he thanks her for it comes to his senses) because i am a whore for those kind of scenes XD
Thanks again for the ask! Happy to answer more :)
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poptod · 3 years
Note
Hello! If you’re taking requests atm can I ask for headcanons for natm Ahkmenrah where the reader wears alt fashion and at first he’s VERY intimated by them (like won’t even look them in the eye) cause they come clomping in with their big platform boots and Ahk thinks they’re sum sort of demon but later on ends up loving it and thinking it’s the coolest thing ever? Thank you for your time💝
notes: IM IN LOVE WITH YOU ANON. i love my big clonking boots and spike collars too! this was... very long tho cause ive never written headcanons before and idk how to keep it short
* youve definitely got a certain style to you
* but that doesnt mean youre only interested in punk concerts and raves
* actually, when you learned your friend nick’s dad worked at the national museum you were psyched
* nicky is horrible at keeping secrets so you’re prepared for everything coming to life your first night going there
* at first you’re greeted by the huns which, in all honesty, was pretty terrifying
* but they took to your style very well
* the cavemen go fucking bonkers for your pocket knife and lighter
* meeting the president is awkward because, as someone interested in history, you’re very aware of all the bad shit he’s done, and generally you’re vocally anarchist
* what’s really interesting though is meeting a king - something you should definitely be against, he’s an all-powerful monarch - and he’s. almost silent
* its really weird cause you see this guy reflecting all the light in the room like a disco ball, with pure gold jewelry all over his body, and he says like two words to you and then leaves
* “I’m... Ahkmenrah.”
* “That’s weird,” Nicky says when he’s gone
* egyptian history is some of your favorite, so you’re obviously disappointed in the whole experience and kinda bummed
* you come back on weekend nights that you’re not working
* for the most part you talk to nicky or “talk” to the huns
* usually that just means playing soccer with them and yelling a lot, which you’re all for
* sometimes you’ll feel eyes on your neck, and when you look up at the balcony, you can see the tail end of a golden cape
* one night you decide to follow him because at this point it’s getting a little annoying. he barely ever talks to you yet spends most of his time watching you
* he returns to his exhibit and you follow down the guarded hall, cornering him in his coffin room
* when you find him he’s too busy staring at the murals on the walls to notice you
* “Nice room,” you say
* he turns around with the widest eyes you’ve ever seen, raking up and down your body
* it’s one of your tamer outfits but it’s still boots with patches stapled to them, an oversized flannel with burn holes everywhere, chains hanging from your studded belt
* that’s where his eyes stop - on your belt
* you ignore that though
* “Let’s see,” you say, turning back to the hieroglyphs, “I used to study these.”
* it takes a moment of you staring and slowly thinking, which he is of course entirely silent for
* “This is a passage from the Book of the Dead. Ani’s papyrus, actually, though I doubt you knew the man.”
* (its not actually the hieroglyphs that give it away, its the illustration above them, but shhhh)
* he’s obviously very taken aback
* “How did you know that? That’s... incredible.”
* You blush. first time in a while and you look down bashfully
* “I studied the Book of the Dead for a little bit. Just a side interest of mine,” you say
* “But... these are holy.. texts,” he trails off, looking between you and the hieroglyphs
* it looks like something clicks behind his eyes
* his lips make an “oh” but no sound comes out
* he’s one of those types that almost always tells the truth, so he admits he thought you were some sort of delinquent demon
* “well, i am, technically,” you say, which makes him laugh
* later on in the evening you decided to trade your wristbands for fun - you’d get his golden braces, he’d get your studded leather with sharpened spikes
* both of you forget about it until you go home, start getting undressed, and realize you’ve got 4,000 year old gold on your arms
* you get terrified that the museum’s gonna arrest you or something for ‘stealing’
* the next time you see ahk you tell him that in a rush
* he, being the little gremlin he is, just laughs
* youre still in a fluster trying to give his bracelets back but he just laughs and goes
* “keep them. they look better on you.”
* “but.... theyre yours??”
* as it turns out he fucking loves the spikes on your own bracelet so half of that was just ahk wanting to keep YOUR wristband
* when he sits or stands near you, he fidgets with the spikes on his wrist and the spikes on your shoulder from your leather jacket
* it does make it a little hard for him to lean against you, which he does like to do with his friends
* but in the end you both decide he can put his head in your lap. you play with his hair and he practically moans and keens from the stimulation
* he may be friendly with others but its only in your company that he feels safe enough to sleep
* and youre happy to act as a pillow, even if your clothes aren’t made for such things
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meltwonu · 3 years
Text
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| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 20] FINAL
pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader
this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, shibari, dom!seungcheol, dirty talk, overstimulation/forced orgasms, squirting, degradation, name calling, daddy!kink, gags! 😍💕 ✨HAPPY NEW YEAR!!✨ Here’s to more fun fics in 2021! I can’t believe this is our last chapter though omg 😭 It’s been suuuuch a journey and a privilege to write this little series out! I’ve honestly thought about a camgirl/boy series for like, over a year now, and I’m glad I finally did it! I completed one of my goals! 🥺💕 2020 was definitely a wild one, but I want to thank you all so fuckin’ much for supporting me and stickin’ it out with me all year! Here’s to more in the coming year!💕 Also I was proofreading this at the dining table last night thinking my roommate wouldn’t come out of their room but they did(while I was making dinner and my hands were dirty so I couldnt close my laptop ☠️) and they walked past my laptop and now I’m convinced they saw my fucking smut fic right in the open so yes my little mini-break next week is MUCH needed cause I am ✨embarrassed✨ 🤣 I’ll still do my inbox roundup tomorrow and probably answer a bunch of small thirst posts ‘n stuff throughout the week but there won’t be any drabbles! For now, enjoy chapter 20 🥺, have a safe weekend, and remember that I love you~ ❤️🍒💕
chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 COMPLETE
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Seungcheol wakes up much earlier than you do the next morning; pressing a kiss to your forehead as you groan and snuggle deeper into your pillow.
“Baby, I need to go run some errands for a little bit, okay? Just keep sleeping, you don’t need to get up yet. But, I made breakfast and put it in the microwave for you when you decide to get up later.”
His voice is muffled and you can barely understand what he’s saying but you nod; a soft sigh on your lips when you drift back into dreamland. He takes his time getting ready, checking his phone notifications as he gets dressed and places a note on the nightstand knowing that you didn’t catch a single word he said.
‘Hey, did you get everything I asked for?’
Jimin🧍🏻: of course, who do you think I am? Jeongguk?
Jimin🧍🏻: and btw, i’m just giving you a crash course okay? We don’t really have a ton of time
Jimin🧍🏻: did you watch those tutorial videos I sent you?
‘Yeah, I did some practice on my breaks, but I guess you can tell me if I’m doing anything wrong.’
Jimin🧍🏻: okee, i’ll be waiting. Don’t get here too late!
‘I’ll be otw soon. Thanks again, Jimin.’
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“Ow--damn, okay, you don’t need to tug on it so much!”
“Sorry, I’ll be careful! And why are we practicing on you anyway?! Couldn’t you just have shown me pictures or something?”
“How else will you learn if not on an actual body? It doesn’t work the same way, Seungcheol.” Jimin pauses, checking himself in the mirror. “Also, keep in mind she does have boobs so just… go slow, okay? It’s not gonna sit like this on her.”
Seungcheol blushes a crimson red; biting the inside of his cheek at how amateur he was at this.
“Okay…”
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Seungcheol is gone for a lot longer than you anticipate and although he replies quickly to your texts, you can’t help but be curious about where he’d gone and what he was doing.
Especially knowing that the two of you had to film tonight and knowing that everything was up to Seungcheol.
A shiver rolls down your body at the thought and you quickly try to shake off the nerves that seem to slowly invade your body when your mind starts to wander.
“It’ll be fine, I’m sure…”
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“I’m home!”
“Where have you--oh, that’s… a b-big box? Um, should I be concerned...”
Seungcheol grins, shrugging as he sets it onto the kitchen counter. “Just some supplies for tonight. I had to go pick them up from a friend but I had to make sure everything was right.” He notices the way you can’t seem to take your eyes off of the box; eyes twinkling when he makes his way towards you.
He tilts your head up to meet his in a searing kiss, lips easing into a smile when you wrap your arms around his neck and melt under his touch. You moan against his lips just before he pulls away; staring dreamily at him while his hands start to roam over your clothed body.
“We have a long night ahead of us, sweetheart. Let’s pamper you a little before then, hmm?”
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j__min: ??? where’s the loverboy
j__min has donated $200
angelhan has donated $75
therealchan99 has donated $50
xcaliburDK has donated $75
xcaliburDK: is that the sybian? Haven’t seen that in a looong while
You bite your lip and nod, somewhat shy as you sit alone in front of the camera. “Seungcheol’s still… setting up but he told me to start! I’m a little nervous, to be honest…” Your eyes flit to Seungcheol who rummages through the box in the kitchen and from the angle you’re sat in, you can’t see a single thing he takes out.
Earlier, he’d cooked you your favorite meal and even took the time to give you a full body massage before the two of you cuddled on the sofa and watched a movie. To you, it seemed a little too suspiciously tame and you only found yourself more nervous when he made you drink two glasses of water and ever so quietly announced it was time to start getting ready for the camshow.
“He’s being so suspicious! He was even gone for a few hours earlier today…” You mumble; brows furrowed at the camera before checking the comments.
It still amazed you every time with how much money you and Seungcheol made from the camshows and videos and it made you feel even better knowing that everyone loved the chemistry the two of you had together. There were a lot of video requests and ideas mixed in with the comments at any given time and you were definitely ready to pitch some to Seungcheol now that you’d rebranded your channel to be a couple’s channel instead.
“Almost done, sweetheart!”
gc__koo: he told me to watch cuz he was being suspicious with me too 
gc__koo has donated $50
alphagyu97: what is he even plotting
alphagyu97: i am excited to see the sybian again tho ngl
artist8hao: pretty baby gonna squirt for us again?
universe_WZ: hell fuckin yea let us see how fuckin wrecked you get on that machine
You feel your pussy clench around emptiness at their comments; already feeling yourself getting wetter and wetter with the anticipation.
Movement out of the corner of your eye catches your attention and Seungcheol walks towards the bed with a wide smile and the same box in hand. “Ready?” You can only nod back slowly, watching as he dumps the contents of the box right next to your body.
gc__koo: oy
chwenon: oh shit
sleepy_wonu: oh baby, you’re in for it now
sleepy_wonu has donated $100
Your entire body fills with warmth as you look over the various objects; unsure of where to really look first. “I, um--”
A stack of red ropes sits next to a small bullet vibrator that sits next to a ball gag that sits next to a pair of EMT shears and your eyes immediately flit up to Seungcheol who only smirks back at your shocked expression. “I had some other toys I wanted to use but I figured I should go easy on you, y’know? Since you showed me some mercy last night.”
Nodding, you reach out towards the ropes, touching them shyly. “Why red?”
“Thought they’d be on theme for you, babygirl.”
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Seungcheol takes his time; remembering Jimin’s words when he tugs the ropes around your wrists.
“Colour, babygirl?”
“G-green… daddy…”
He nods, sitting up on his knees behind you as you sit on the sybian and face the camera. You bite your lip, somewhat embarrassed that you were already soaking the toy underneath you as Seungcheol worked to bind your arms behind you.
“D--daddy, where did you l-learn this?” You whisper, somewhat curious if this had anything to do with why he was gone for so long earlier in the day.
“Mm, daddy’s friend Jimin was kind enough to help me get the tools and teach me a few tricks to make sure I kept my babygirl safe. Wasn’t that kind of him?” You nod gently, gulping when you shift atop the machine slightly in hopes of relieving some of the growing sexual tension in your body. “Why don’t you thank him properly, sweetheart?”
Your hazy eyes make eye contact with the camera, head tilted slightly. “T-thank you, J-Jimin… for--for helping daddy…”
j__min: omg a shoutout ive made it
kitty_junjun: we never thought we’d see the day
tangerine_kwan: and here we all thought you were gonna be the bad guy huh
hoshi_tiger_xx: like when u only see previews of the book online but the rest of it is different ykwim
Seungcheol makes sure your arms are bound snug enough but not too tight; leaning away slightly to admire his rope work. “Feeling okay so far, babygirl?”
Nodding, you whine back slightly. “Y-yes, daddy… But… my--my pussy wants s-something…” He laughs in return, readjusting so that he’s sitting on your side this time to give himself easier access to start the rest of the bindings.
“Is that so? You’re gonna have to be a little more patient this time ‘cause daddy’s not done yet.” He starts working on the rest of the harness; going slow and checking in with you often to make sure none of the ropes were digging into your skin or making you uncomfortable. “You’ll have to forgive me a little though, I’m admittedly a ‘lil inexperienced so our pretty babygirl is only going to be tied up in this pretty harness for tonight.”
gentleman_josh95: the fact u even took the time to learn just for her
gentleman_josh95 has donated $100
artist8hao: seriously, the dedication
kitty_junjun: we stan a man who knows safety and etiquette 
Comments of reassurance and donations flood in at Seungcheol’s small apology and although the two of you are in your own world; you can tell from just the amount of pings coming from your laptop that they all seemed to be encouraging him.
The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as Seungcheol continues to move around you on the bed to finish the harness and a smile graces his lips when he starts to secure the last knots in the back. He can’t help but mentally pat himself on the back at how neatly he’d done it for his first time.
“There. All done, baby.”
Your eyes flit to the laptop’s screen to see yourself; cheeks hot when you see how fucked out you already look and he hadn’t even touched you properly or turned on the machine.
The star harness Seungcheol had tied looks pretty with red ropes and you can’t hide your smile at how good it looks on you too either. “Ah, daddy made it really p-pretty… Thank you.”
This time, Seungcheol nods, letting you admire yourself as he silently reaches for the small remote for the sybian, switching it on.
Your entire body lurches forward as soon as the vibrations attack your clit and you immediately find yourself moaning and grinding down onto the machine as he gives you some relief.  
“You’re welcome, babygirl. Now let’s really have some fun, huh?”
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You need to cum.
Badly.
“Awww, is my pretty baby drooling? Does it feel that good on your sensitive ‘lil clit?” He teases, smoothing down your hair as you cry around the ball gag in your mouth; drool seeping out from the side of your lips when he raises the vibrations a setting higher.
You don’t know how many times he’d played with the settings and edged you by now, but all you do know is that the urge to cum only grows stronger as you grind against the machine, soaking it with your wetness as you chase the pleasure building up in your body again.  
Surely cumming was okay, right? He never said you couldn’t.
You whimper around the ball gag, eyes fluttering shut when the tension in your body snaps in the blink of an eye and your thighs clamp down onto the sides of the machine. Throwing your head back, you moan against the gag and ride out your high as Seungcheol watches you from the side.
“Mm, bet that felt good, huh? But I know you want something in that greedy ‘lil cunt of yours, don’t you? You want daddy’s cock slamming into your tight ‘lil hole ‘til it’s full of my cum, right, sweetheart?” He licks his lips, turning off the sybian as you slump forward.
universe_WZ: shit shes so sensitive
chwenon: especially with her arms bound like that i bet she’s on cloud nine rn
gentleman_josh95: her cute lil head is probably all fuzzy already from all the sensations
therealchan99 has donated $100
gc__koo has donated $75
j__min has donated $150
All you can do is whimper and nod; teary eyes blinking back at Seungcheol as he smirks and leans in towards you.
“Mmm, you’ll get what you want eventually. But for now, you’re gonna cum again.”
He turns the sybian back on, licking his lips when he sees your body tensing again. It was always easier to get you to cum a second time and his point is proven when you mewl around the ball gag a few minutes later; chest heaving in stuttered breaths as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit when you’re quickly thrown into another orgasm.
“You always cum for daddy so easily, don’t you, babygirl?”
Your head feels fuzzy after already cumming twice in such a short span of time but you nod, head lolling to the side as Seungcheol finally turns the sybian off for good.
Seungcheol gives you a second to catch your breath before he’s scooting in and fiddling with the clasps at the back of your head to take the ball gag off.
A thread of saliva connects your lips to the gag and you whimper at how good it feels to be able to actually speak again. “D-daddy…” Drool drips from your mouth as your lead lolls forward and Seungcheol is quick to bring a hand up to keep your head up as he looks into your lust filled eyes.
“Colour, sweetheart?”
“Still g-green…” He nods back, checking to make sure none of the ropes had shifted. “Would you like some water before we continue, baby?”
“Yes, daddy…”
He fetches you a glass of water, tilting it against your lips as you down the entire glass and you find yourself a little surprised at how needed it was. “Thank you, d-daddy…”
“You’re welcome, babygirl. Ready to keep going?”
You nod, a little bit more energized. “I hope everyone, mmh, l-likes the show so f-far~” Your teary vision prevents you from reading the comments and before you can even make an effort to, Seungcheol is already helping you off of the machine and helping you sit on the bed across from him.
alphagyu97: ugh she looks so fucking good in that harness
angelhan: right? That shade of red looks so good against her skin too
angelhan: so fuckin pretty
tangerine_kwan: pics for the private room later? Plz i beg
Seungcheol takes this time to take off his boxer briefs, cock curving up against his abdomen when he’s fully naked across from you. He wraps a hand around his cock, moaning and spreading the precum down his shaft as you watch. “D’you want this, baby?”
Your lips fall open in a silent moan as you watch Seungcheol jerk himself off and you can’t help but squirm. “Y-yes…”
“Tell me exactly what you want then. Let them hear what a filthy little slut you are for me.” You can’t help but feel miserably empty watching him and despite having already cum twice, you want his cock fucking you open and making you cum again.
“I--I--”
“Yes, babygirl?”
“I, ngh, I want d-daddy’s cock… Please? Ah, I--I wanna feel you fucking my--my pussy into the, mmh, s-shape of your c-cock… And I w-want you to c-cum inside my--my slutty little h-hole…”
Seungcheol scoffs, hips shallowly thrusting up into his enclosed fist. “That’s right. You’re just my slutty ‘lil babygirl that lets me use all her tight holes how I please, right? You like it when I cum down your throat and in your pretty ‘lil ass. But we all know you like it best when I cum in your hot ‘lil cunt. Makes you feel all warm and full, doesn’t it? You like it when my cum is dripping out of your spent cunt and sliding down your shaky thighs.” This time you nod furiously as you whine back in response.
“P-please… Can’t wait any--anymore!”
This time, the impatience takes over as you slightly tug on the ropes; whining when they don’t give. “Daddy!”
And this time, he gives in quicker than he anticipates, growling as he reaches for the EMT shears to cut you from the harness. “Don’t let your arms down, no matter how much you want to. You’re going to strain your arms if you move too fast so let me handle it, okay, sweetheart?”
The sudden gentleness in his voice has a giddy warmth pouring over you as you nod and sit still while he cuts at various points of the harness to make the ropes fall loose around your arms and chest. You keep your arms in the same position like he requested and you soon feel his hands roaming your skin and massaging your arms to get the blood flowing again.
“You’re so good for me, baby.” He whispers against your hair, leaning down to kiss your shoulder before he slowly easing your arms down from being folded behind your back.
He continues to massage your arms for a few more minutes before it’s you that’s getting impatient. “Daddy… Can you fuck me now?” Whispering, you slightly turn your body to the side to meet his gentle stare.
Seungcheol laughs under his breath, nodding. “Lay on your back for me, legs spread.”
You follow his orders as you quickly scramble to get into position; legs spread wide for him to situate himself between.
“Mm, your pussy is still so fuckin’ wet. I wanna taste you on my tongue, baby.” Whines spill from your lips as you shake your head ‘no.’
“No! My p-pussy feels empty, I need y-your cock, daddy… ‘n I’m so wet, you can probably, ah, just s-slide your cock in…”
He wraps a hand around his cock just as you wrap your legs around his waist and he guides himself until the head of his cock is right at your entrance.
Neither of you say a word as he slowly starts to sink his cock in; guttural moans on his lips when he meets no resistance and bottoms out in a singular thrust. “Holy fuck, your cunt is so fuckin’ wet. Shit, and so t-tight!” You clench around him, already feeling good with his cock inside of you as you beg him to fuck you hard and fast.
“Ngh, p-please fuck me like--like I’m your, hah, c-cocksleeve… I want it f-fast, daddy!”
He grits his teeth at your words; drawing his hips back before snapping them into you just how you wanted. “Fast, hmm? All you think about in that pretty head of yours is my cock pounding you open, huh? Slamming into you so fuckin’ good, it makes your toes curl when you cum.”
Seungcheol starts a quick pace, already feeling the pleasure building up for himself when you’re reduced to garbled noises and broken cries of his name. The heels of your feet dig into the small of his back as you try to press him in closer and he’s quick to reach for the small bullet vibrator left on the bed next to your body.
“Your body is so fuckin’ sensitive, I can already feel how tight you’re getting around me. So fuckin’ greedy to cum too. Already came twice and you still want more. You’re not satisfied until your whole body is shaking underneath me, huh, sweetheart?” He turns the small toy on, pressing it to your clit as you yelp and let out choked sobs.
“Ah, ngh, d-daddy, my--my clit’s t-too sen--sensitive! I--I can’t--!” Squirming, you feel the pressure building up obscenely quick; bottom lip quivering when he takes one of your free hands and makes you hold the toy to your swollen clit.
“Just a little more, sweetheart. Don’t you wanna cum?”
He angles his thrusts to graze against your g-spot and loud cries of his name leave your lips in a hurried, jumbled mess when he only doubles his pace.
The sound of donations and comments pour in like water and get lost within the ringing in your ears; unable to even warn Seungcheol that you’re about to cum when you feel your entire body starting to lock up underneath him.
Your lips part in a silent scream and your back bows off of the bed, thighs shaking uncontrollably as you cum for the third time. Seungcheol growls, fucking you through it as you squirt all over his lower half.  He finds it harder and harder to thrust into you as you cum, but he feels himself quickly following suit with your warm walls fluttering around his cock.
“Fuck, baby, that’s right. Squirt for me, get me fuckin’ soaked while you cum.” He uses a free hand to make sure you keep the toy pressed to your clit, growling when he starts to unload his cum inside of you. “Mmh, gonna fill your cunt up with what you want, baby.”
A shaky moan leaves your lips as you feel him throbbing inside your pussy; walls clamped down onto him in a vice grip as you ride out the remnants of your orgasm.
“Ah, d-daddy’s cumming suh--so much inside of my p-pussy…”
Whining, you feel Seungcheol’s grip on your hand give way as he rides out his pleasure and you take the opportunity to turn off the small bullet vibrator while he doesn’t notice.
You watch his face contort in pleasure, hips still shallowly thrusting into you as his entire body shivers above you.
“D-daddy’s so h-handsome...” You mumble, cheeks hot when he cracks a smile through the pleasure wracking his body and chuckles under his breath. 
“Thank you, babygirl.” 
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After you end the show, Seungcheol makes sure to cuddle with you on the bed for a little while longer.
“One more glass of water, baby.” You whine in response, pouting up at him before he gets up from the soaked sheets. 
“But I already had a glass! If you have a piss kink just say so, ‘Cheol!”
He lets out a boisterous laugh at your comment, trudging back to the bed from the kitchen with another glass of water for you. “You need to be hydrated, sweetheart. You came three times and we played a little more rough today. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” 
“Fine, but you didn’t deny my comment.” You snarkily reply, taking the glass from him as you down the water. 
“Don’t make me have to punish you again! I’ll have you know I still need to get you all washed up and change the bed--”
A faint pinging has the two of you turning to the laptop; still on your camming homepage from where you’d checked the revenues from tonight’s show. 
A small [1] sits above your inbox and Seungcheol is quick to turn to you with an eyebrow raised. “I thought you turned off the messaging system on your profile?” 
You tilt your head in confusion, handing him the emptied glass. “I did. The only messages I should get are from, like, the actual system admins or other creator accounts which, I haven’t received any ‘til... now, I guess?”
Seungcheol sets the glass down onto the nightstand before he takes a seat next to you, dragging the laptop closer as you go to check the notification. 
“’Love&Letter Films’? Aren’t they one of the biggest adult film companies?” Mumbling, you click on the message, giving yourself and Seungcheol a second to process the message that stares back at you; a shocked smile on your lips.
‘Hello!
I hope this message finds Cherry and Seungcheol well. 
We, at ‘Love&Letter Films’, have really enjoyed the shows and videos from your channel throughout the years and we really have enjoyed watching the growth of your channel and the addition of Seungcheol to it. The dynamics between the two of you are rare in this industry and we’ve yet to see anyone like the two of you in this market. 
The shows from the last two nights have proven that the two of you have the right kind of chemistry to film together for bigger productions and we would love to hire you for a few film productions we have planned in the upcoming weeks as a feeler. Of course, all expenses paid by us if you would kindly take our offer. 
We love the various scenes and roles that the two of you take on with ease and we would love to help propel your careers forward, should you pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry. 
Please don’t hesitate to contact me as I’ve listed my contact information below. I’m excited to hear from the two of you and hope to work with you in the future on many projects.
Respectfully, 
Kwon Soonyoung, L&L FILMS CEO’
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