#i set what I think is reasonable goal to accomplish for the day and that’d like all I’m gonna worry about | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

coneygoil · 5 years

Text

The Home We Built Together, part 13

Two young Vikings. An arranged marriage. Hiccup always wanted to win the girl of his dreams, but not like this. Now he and Astrid must learn to live together and maybe one day, learn to love…

Writer’s note: Wow, this chapter clocked in 2300 words and the entire story so far is over 20k+ word count! That’s a big accomplishment for me :)

He couldn’t kill a dragon. All these years of dreaming of killing a dragon and receiving the glory he longed for. The countless hours spent inventing dragon killing weapons that would help him obtain his goal. He’d failed at the one task he set out to complete!

Out of all the dragons he could have shot down, he aimed for the most prized. The elusive and deadly Night Fury. He would have been revered a hero. His father would have beamed at him with such immense pride that would last for weeks, maybe even months. Astrid would have planted a long-awaited kiss on his lips in front of the entire village. Everyone would have cheered. Hiccup Haddock would no longer be a useless loser.

But as he raised the dagger over his head, pumping himself up to kill the mighty beast…he couldn’t. No, Hiccup reasoned within himself, he wouldn’t. This dragon gazed into the depths of his soul. He saw himself reflecting from this dragon. The very thought stilled his hand.

I did this.

In that moment, he gave up all the glory and fanfare he’d strived for nearly half his life to accomplish. Within two seconds of cutting the rope, Hiccup found himself accepting his doom as the dragon pinned him to the ground.

I deserve this.

He feared dying, but he was prepared. The dragon’s mouth opened to, nonetheless, chomp off his head or blast him to bits. The mighty roar that followed engulfed Hiccup like a screaming wind tunnel and then…the Night Fury was gone.

There was no denying as Hiccup dawdled back to the village (with his ears still ringing) that he’d have to live with the consequences of his actions. No Night Fury meant no one would believe him, and that’d make him more of a laughingstock.

How could he burden Astrid the rest of her life being married to the most useless person in the known world? He had to do what was best for her. A gaping hole would be left if she accepted the offer, but Hiccup couldn’t live with himself if he kept their marriage selfishly for himself. He cared too much for her to keep her bound to him.

The morning sun had just begun to peek over the horizon when he’d set out on this epic fail of a dragon killing quest and was now crawling above his head. Late morning was approaching.

Hiccup paused at his front door. He leaned against the wood, shutting his eyes and sighing deeply within his lungs. What he was about to do would hurt more than anything he’d gone through so far in his young life. He pushed open the door with all his weight, his side lingering against the grain as he entered the house.

“Where have you been?”

Hiccup froze. After Astrid didn’t return during the night, Hiccup assumed she didn’t wish to come home and stayed overnight with her parents. Here she was, fierce and beautiful, before him. A hand was planted on her hip and her bright eyes flashed with ire.

“I…” He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the truth. That he had a Night Fury tied up like a bow on Snoggletog just for him. That he’d intentionally freed the dangerous beast to continue wreaking havoc on their village. What kind of future chief would do that? “I went to search for the Night Fury by myself.”

Astrid’s jaw clinched, but a tiny fraction of hope laced her words. “Did you find it?”

Hiccup averted his gaze, catching a glimpse of the white bandage wrapped on her injured hand. His chest ached. “No.”

A frustrated sigh blew from Astrid’s nostrils, but she remained quiet as she glared at him.

“How’re your parents?” he asked, weakly.

“They’re fine,” her tone was clipped, “Only a little roof damage.”

A tremble was rising from Hiccup’s stomach to the top of his head. He had to lay the offer down soon or he’d lose the courage to. He finally dragged his eyes up to look at her.

“Astrid, I know I don’t deserve it, but could you forgive me for what happened last night? I should have been worried about you, but all I could think about was finding that dragon.” Before he could stop himself, Hiccup reached for her injured hand and brought it to his lips to place a tender kiss atop the bandage. His heart began to thud painfully at his next words. “If you…if you want an annulment from our marriage, I won’t stop you.”

He awaited the hammer that would soon fall upon his head. The seconds of silence stretched out for days.

“Are you that thick?”

Hiccup raised his bowed head. “What?”

Astrid looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I’m not leaving you and we’re not getting an annulment.”

“I don’t want you to be stuck with a useless husband all your life. I’d understand if you-OW!” Hiccup yelped as Astrid’s uninjured hand balled up into a fist to punch his shoulder – harder than she’d ever hit him. He really should have seen that coming.

The next moment Astrid’s palms were pressed onto his cheeks, hauling him into a kiss. It wasn’t the collision of a kiss they’d shared not long ago when he’d doubted her. This was slower, savoring the touch. Hiccup body melted in the palms of Astrid’s hands as he forgot all his troubles at the touch of their lips. His hands rose on their own accord to gently hold Astrid’s forearms.

She broke the connection, leaving Hiccup’s mind in a daze at the surprise show of affection. He blinked away the stars, focusing on the beautiful blues eyes that were still agonizingly close to his.

“I’m still mad at you.” Astrid’s breath mingled with his, causing a shiver to shimmy down Hiccup’s back. “But I made a vow to stand by your side for the rest of our lives, and I’m not backing out of that. I’m not backing out on us. From here on, try harder to not cause disaster.”

Hiccup swallowed noisily. “For you, milady, I’ll try.” He glanced down at her lips, wishing to press his to them once more. He leaned forward. She was so close he could feel her warmth…and he nearly toppled over as Astrid got to her feet. He looked up at her, a bit peeved at the tiny smirk she wore. He deserved the brush off.

The events of the evening and early morning had faded away into a hazy place in the back of his mind. He wouldn’t forget the epic fail that was his inability to kill a dragon, but Astrid was still here and committed to him. If all he had was her on his side, he would be happy with his life. With the life they were making together.

She was still mad, of course, but she had forgiven him. Astrid held out a hand to help him to his feet. “Come along, husband. Breakfast is waiting for us in the Great Hall.”

***

This wasn’t happening.

Hiccup stared at the mouth of the kill arena wondering why the gods were using him for a good laugh. Why would his father choose now of all times for him to enter dragon training?

The Chief had stopped by the evening before, and without any greeting, informed Hiccup he’d begin dragon training the following day. Hiccup barely got a word in during the drawn-out, one-sided conversation and by the time Stoick left, he’d given up even attempting to convince his father that killing dragons was not in his blood.

Astrid wasn’t too keen on the idea either. She knew how he handled a weapon and it hadn’t improved much since they’d began training in the forest. Sometimes it was downright terrible. But she’d stuck with him in weapons training. With the whole raid debacle, Hiccup killing a dragon was a sore subject.

“Remember,” Astrid prompted firmly with gentle undertones, “to grab a shield. If you have to choose between a weapon and a shield, take the shield.”

Hiccup nodded. His gaze lingered on Astrid’s injured hand, the reason she was sitting out on training for the next few days. “Got it.”

Astrid’s blue eyes pierced him with such intensity and concern. Her uninjured hand tangled in the ties of his tunic, drawing him closer as she planted a quick kiss to his cheek. The shape of her lips were increasingly becoming seared into his skin.

“Be careful, Hiccup.”

Her fingers loosed from his ties, leaving her palm resting on his slim chest. Hiccup was sure she could feel his racing heart. “You know me-“

“I do.” Fixing him with a sharp look, she spun him around and pushed him down the ramp toward the mouth of the arena.

Hiccup stumbled into the foregrounds, pausing to take in the massiveness of the structure. He’d had no reason to ever enter the arena before. Only a few times did he trail behind his equally massive father when the Chief had come to inspect the structure’s conditions. Most times, Hiccup would watch from above as a spectator. He’d witness enough guts being spilt and heads being chopped off to last him a lifetime. Once the gruesome images were something to look forward to, but now, the memories made his stomach turn.

How one moment - one decision - could change everything.

“Great, who let him in?” the first remark flew at him, thanks to Tuffnut.

Snotlout stabbed a hand in the air. “Hey, Hiccup has an unfair advantage since he already, y’know,” the brawnier boy couldn’t keep the sneer off his face, “killed a Night Fury.”

The twins joined Snotlout in a round of snickers.

Ignoring the teen’s comment, Gobber stung an arm around Hiccup’s shoulders. “Don’t worry. You’re small and weak. That’ll make you less of a target.”

Hiccup diverted his view to the dusty stone under his boots, wondering how he was going to make it through his first dragon fighting lesson. He’d watched many times from the spectator’s point and knew Gobber believed in “learning on the job”.

This was going to be a disaster.

Gobber pushed Hiccup behind him to join the rest of the teens in a clumsy line. “Today, we have our third lesson in ‘Survival’.” The broad blacksmith pushed down the lever of the pen and out shot like a battering ram, a brownish-green Gronkle. It slammed into the wall on the other side of the arena and eagerly gulped down several large rocks to replenish its firepower.

“I expect you sorry lots to be better at avoiding blasts this time!” Gobber shouted out from the side-lines.

Astrid’s advice leapt into his mind, and Hiccup dashed toward the closest shield lying on the floor. A worry whine escaped him as he fumbled to slide his hand into the handle. Gobber yanked him upright and pushed him back into the fray. Thankfully, the Gronkle was chasing a terrified Fishlegs around the encircled area. That is, until it flew over the twins and fired a blast between them as they fought over a shield.

The vague thought of how the new recruits could still be this lousy at dragon fighting crossed Hiccup’s mind. How did he miss such a bumbling spectacle all the times he’d watched the training when he could get away from the forge? Maybe he was so engrossed in watching his wife in all her vivid glory that he’d paid attention to nothing else.

A banging noise echoed across the arena, causing the Gronkle to shake its head, disoriented.

“It’s working!” Fishlegs shouted in triumph, throwing his arms in the air. As soon as the noise from his hammer against his shield stopped, the Gronkle fired a blast toward the sound of his voice. The shield flew out of Fishlegs’ hand and the burly boy ran off screaming.

“Looks like it’s you and me, cuz,” Hiccup remarked as Snotlout joined him watching Fishlegs high-tailed it.

Snotlout scoffed. “Nope, just you, loser!” He ducked behind Hiccup as the Gronkle buzzed toward its next targets.

Hiccup didn’t have time to move before the Gronkle’s blast knocked the shield from his grip. The shield rolled off as Hiccup tried desperately to chase it down. The shield switched directions suddenly and Hiccup couldn’t maneuver that quickly without the Gronkle catching him. He found himself between a rock and a hard place. The rock his back pressed against about to be splattered with his charred guts.

He was going to die. The Night Fury may have spared his life, but this furious, caged Gronkle would not. He shanked into the wall, clinching his teeth and preparing for the scorching heat of the blast. He hoped he’d find a little mercy if it would kill him instantly.

Hiccup jumped, covering his head as the blast fired just above him. Rocky debris and sparks rained down on him. He chanced a peek from behind his arms to find Gobber wrangling the beast.

“Not so fast,” the blacksmith’s hooked appendage yanked at the Gronkle’s mouth. “Go back to bed, ye overgrown sausage!” He swung the dragon back into its pen, slamming the lock shut.

Gobber hobbled back towards him. “Remember,” he leaned down closer to Hiccup, “a dragon will always - always - go for the kill.”

Hiccup stared up at him, speechless. His mind raced and his lungs burned from the exertion and unease of nearing dying – again. He didn’t even register Astrid’s voice until she was right in front of him.

“Hiccup!” her concerned face filled his view. She laid a hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

He nodded absently. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He finally made eye contact with her, surprised at the worry that clouded her blue eyes.

Astrid pulled him to his feet, and Hiccup allowing her to lead him out of the arena. He would have been delighted over her apparent concern if his mind would not have been on a certain black dragon and why it didn’t go for the kill.

@martabm90 @chiefhiccstrid @justatranquilcloud @saieras

#httyd fanfiction #hiccstrid #arranged marriage au #the home we built together

44 notes · View notes

codyvllen · 5 years

Text

◜◮⋄ 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒉

𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚑𝚒𝚖 ... in fact, he’s embraced that small aspect that may come & settle into his life.

it’s only been two hours since he’s told ricky & tobias, two long-term & loyal members of his crew, to complete a local job just a few blocks down. typically, cody isn’t one to be on standby if things go awry; in fact, he would normally be back home trying to learn his script if it hadn’t been for the fact that filming is on a hiatus as the second season of his show goes underway. but as of recently the actor has heard mixed reports regarding current gang activity around the state. news from the rumor mill is circulating around the possibility of a few unknown members of another organization has been trying to hijack deals --- without concern towards how they manage to accomplish this goal. it’s a bit suspicious, of course, considering no one knows exactly which group these unfamiliar men are associated with. when push comes to shove, however, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

as far as the twenty-four year old was concerned, in regard to his own group, things seem to be smooth sailing. they haven’t encountered any mishaps during their deals and that alone leaves enough room for the leader to assume that maybe the newfound threat are smarter than they appear. that’s the reason why he’s acting so nonchalant at the moment, a cup of coffee in his hand & his phone in the other. by this point, the young actor is just waiting for anything to happen ... whether it be a text from one of his boys for help or even from one of the cleaners back home to give him updates. especially the latter, admittedly. the longer he’s away from home means the longer he’s away from his girlfriend, after all.

their relationship has been going quite strong after the incident in bali, thankfully. sure, there was a spout of jealousy coming from his recently --- & in hindsight, he had no reason for it ( especially considering the things he’s done to barbara prior to their current relationship ). however, that doesn’t matter anymore. at least not in his mind. the fact that they, hopefully, managed to move on from that episode. now, it seems like everything is back into place. after this deal goes down, they won’t have another for the rest of the week. maybe he’ll suggest going to hawaii for a couple days ? that’d be a great way to wind down after spending long hours on set the last couple of months, after all. plus, despite never admitting it out loud, it’d be nice to just have another vacation with the woman he loves.

unfortunately for him, cody was too preoccupied with his thoughts that he wasn’t aware of three individuals moving up from the nearby alley, two of which reaching out to restrain both his arms. “hey, get the fuck off !” he exclaims angrily, attempting to struggle out of their holds to no avail. the larger men easily drags him off into the dark space before bringing him in front of the third male, all of their faces concealed by the night sky & lack of proper lighting in the alleyway. “if you don’t let go of me, i swear to fucking god, i’ll kill you,” cody spews out with no hesitation, teeth grinding together as a defensive mechanism. although his arms are being held back, that doesn’t prevent him from trying to calculate the best possible route to either a) fight them off or b) escape. though from the looks of the men he’s accompanied by ... it appears the second option is the best way of survival. they were fairly larger than him in size, not that such an aspect would usually deter him from fighting, but the aura they’re radiating practically screams danger. &, for once in a while, he feels himself clamming up at the possibility of what may happen in this encounter.

“դա այն է, ինչ տեղի է ունենում, երբ դուք ստանում ներգրավված այդ առաջ ( this is what happens when you get involved with that bitch ),” the third man spoke in a thick armenian accent, seemingly unfazed by the threat that’s been given to him. of course, cody is unaware of what exactly is being said to him --- however, he does comprehend the fact that the former is moving towards him with a sharp, metallic weapon in his hand, the tip glinting from the poor lamp nearby. before he could even think to react, the young gang leader feels an intense pain coming from his side, a loud gasp falling from his lips as he feels the knife impaling him. from there, the other two individuals, which of whom remained silent the entire time, allows his arms ( & himself ) fall to the ground. anger is burning into cody’s eyes, flipping himself over to his back & trying to sit up against the wall. his shirt quickly began to stain with a worrisome crimson color, fairly quickly at that. he looks up at the three figures in front of him, spitting at their feet, “see, now you made a huge fucking---” but he was cut off when one of them preemptively punches him square in the jaw, disorienting the younger male momentarily. the armenians, that he’s concluded to be part of the mafia, didn’t allow him to come back to before simply walking away as if nothing happened and out of the alleyway.

by this point, the brunette boy is blinking rapidly to keep himself conscious, a hand moving to rest on the hilt of the weapon, but not daring to try & remove it in fear that the bleeding will worsen. cody tries, albeit slowly, crawling his way back towards the way he came in, every movement he’s making depleting more & more of his energy. so much so, in fact, that he can feel himself about to succumb to the state of unconsciousness. the last thing he hears is the sound of two familiar voices, belonging to none other than tobias & ricky, and the sound of their feet running towards their boss frantically. cody could see them starting to say something, most likely assurances that he’ll be fine ... before blacking out.

#blood tw #◤⁙ ⋙ ( paragraphs. )#heh #hi #i tried to find a better gif but :/#also sue me i used google translate jkdlglh

3 notes · View notes

sasukeuchiha-eternalmangekyou · 6 years

Photo

//So I re-read Naruto and Sasuke’s entire final fight to answer this question bc I hardly recalled all the details :D And oh how I got slammed with feels ;A; But nonetheless, I can now answer it~ The manga is the actual depiction of canon material Masashi wrote since the anime added in scenes and extended the fight. Which is why I’m delving into my take on this from the manga.

Sasuke does know how painful being alone can be, it’s what drove him to seek revenge, and leave the village. It’s not that he particularity wanted to live that way, but in order for him to enact his form of what a Hokage meant via his revolution, he thought he needed that last tie of friendship with Naruto to be cut permanently. Killing Naruto would not only complete that objective, but it’d also allow him to get rid of the last remaining jinchuriki that could oppose him. He wanted to destroy all the tailed beasts as well as the 5 Kage because they were of the past, caused former conflicts, and thinking if he erased them from existence, he could shoulder the newly formed hatred on his own.

And as many would counter, that if Naruto was dead then the Infinite Tsukuyomi couldn’t be broken. However, Sasuke can extract the Ten Tails chakra from Naruto even if he was killed due to the Rinnegan and use it himself to break the genjutsu. So it’s possible to be released without Naruto alive.

Sasuke’s logic is knowing hatred will continue to exist despite the current unification of the shinobi villages, but as he stated, eventually that’d come to an end as all peace did over matters of either grave importance or triviality.

In becoming the only one capable of taking on hatred, he’d be able to dis-spell it as well as decide who would take the blame and face the consequences. And as Naruto stated he couldn’t do this forever because he’d die one day himself. Sasuke’s simple response was immortality due to his new powers, he’d find a way to continue living forever to take on this task. He wants to dictate solutions by making himself the true evil hatred can be focused upon. But in order to succeed in this plan, he knew leaving connections to those such as Naruto left on their own, they’d try to stop him down the line as they have continuously done ever since he left the village.

Sasuke’s sense of self would be like that of how his brother had lived his life. In the shadows, orchestrating a form of peace that can actually be achieved. Because all people like Obito, Madara, and Kaguya would no longer be an issue if he managed to take the brunt of further resentment/anger people had, he’d be able to set forth a reality where people could be happy and unified.

It’s not ideal nor is it completely plausible, however, his moral is in the right place. This is the effect of Sasuke’s mindset after growing up alone and combating the isolation he faced, and heartache of truth revealed to him before Itachi died.

Itachi’s death and final words had an immense impact on Sasuke’s plan. He found solutions and answers to his former questions regarding what a village is, a shinobi, etc. But he felt hollow after losing his brother all over again. And in the process of joining Team 7 to defeat Madara and Kaguya, he devised the proper way to make those definitions have impact and meaning if he could rid the world of all those archaic methods used in the past that only managed to intoxicate people into perusing hatred and starting wars.

And yes, I found the panel you were referring to below. But I think that was the problem. Sasuke could see himself living in that loneliness because he has done it and survived. His mentality hasn’t always been about his tragic backstory as he admitted no matter how far he fell into darkness, he couldn’t fully erase the memories of the past, his family, Team Seven, or Team Taka. But due to his experiences Sasuke understood that he could manage it and save others from the same fate.

Unfortunately it meant killing Naruto. No matter what transpired, he’d always be his closest friend because they had a comprehension of an identical pain, being able to feel each other’s since the beginning. They wanted friendship but couldn’t approach one another. Naruto because he was jealous of Sasuke’s skill. And Sasuke because he saw accepting friendship as a weakness that’d get in the way of his revenge.

Overall, Sasuke knew the price of his choices as he’s always known when making former decisions. He accepted the outcome and variables as something he could completely handle regardless of how hollow he’d be left in the aftermath. In the end, it wasn’t about him anymore. He wanted to do what Itachi couldn’t accomplish before he died, but in his way, acknowledging that he and his brother had different mindsets. Killing Naruto has been a reoccurring goal for Sasuke but for many different reasons throughout the series.

He wanted to see a better world, but as we all know, that tragic backstory tainted his foresight. Believing destruction and death would cleanse the future and allow peace to ensue in the ashes would only result in an imbalance. He didn’t take into account that it takes trusting one’s self to add to the unified process of making the world a better place. It wouldn’t change with one person controlling the populace because he couldn’t manipulate how others would react. He could use force, become the dictator of dealing with hatred, but he’d never be able to remove the impact the past had created because that’s how people grow.

#Sasuke Uchiha #Sasuke #Naruto Uzumaki #Naruto #lovely anon #omg explaining Sasuke can be so exhausting haha XD #I mean look how long that got #to answer one thing you sometimes need to delve into multiple topics #but thank you so much for sending this <3 #I really enjoy analyzing characters!#and I just have to reinforce that this is opinion based #I could be totally wrong but this is how I broke it down #also sorry for taking forever to answer this ask #I just knew it'd take a lot of time so I put it off until I could sit here and write it in full #anyway yes Sasuke <3 #good plan sorta but yeah not the right way to handle it #I also don't really consider the video games bc they can change scenes and whatnot

35 notes · View notes

deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

Text

Do you look good today, or do you look shitty (in your opinion)? ohhh definitely the latter. I’m quarantined by myself so there is zero effort happening. even though I’d love there to be more effort, I’m so exhausted over the simplest things.

Do you enjoy reading murder mysteries? oh heck’n yeah

Would you ever want to be a detective who solves crimes? perhaps-- I’m not against it.

Have you ever hallucinated? No.

What was the last picture you uploaded to social media of? a series of pictures from my birthday weekend.

What is one thing that makes you itch? bug bites.

Have you been in your pajamas all day? yeppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.

What do your favorite pair of flannel pajamas look like? I don’t have any flannel pjs, they’re way too hot. I do have flannel pj pants just for fun.

When was the last time you scrapbooked? my sisters wedding gift.

Are you currently working on an art project? i am always mid-art

Do you like to make lists? I loooooooove to make lists.

When was that last time you dyed your hair? when I visited my sister.

If applicable, what color are you planning to dye your hair next? not sure. It’ll be some time.

Do you have a sibling who looks like your twin? Not at all. I don’t look like any of my siblings.

Are you disorganized? no. Right now my room looks extremely disheveled, which is unusual for me. but 1. I can’t leave my room which makes cleaning difficult. 2. I am super weak rn.

Do you read more New Arrivals or historical fiction? New Arrivals.

Do you frequent the library? I used to. especially when in school, I am always at the library.

Do you frequent a coffee shop? no. I don’t drink coffee. But man I’d love to have a routine place i go to.

Who do you look like the most in your family? probably mom only for the dimples. but beyond that, we don’t look alike at all.

Do you think you'd make a good actor or actress? No.

Do you believe you have a lot of potential? absolutely.

Do you believe in God-given talents? I do. I think it’s a really cool aspect of life.

Are you gifted? In what areas are you the most gifted? hmm. academics.

Do you compare yourself to other people? naturally.

How often do you eat candy? not that often.

Do you have a sweet tooth? yesssssssssssssssssss. very much so.

Would you rather visit Paris or Tokyo? Paris.

What are five careers you've considered? SLP, neuro rehabilitation, psych, foster care worker, trauma care worker.

What are five things you want to accomplish before you're 30? hm. my plans have changed soooooo much and thats only like a year away. I have to think about that.

At what age do you want to go gray? good question! probs 60s

Are you the same height and weight as your mom? Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool no.

Have you ever donated blood? yep

If so, have you ever had a bad experience donating blood? nah. it always takes them like the max 4 pricks and digging around to find my vein.

Do you have any severe allergies? gluten gives me a pretty horrific reaction.

Are you allergic to any trees? Nope

What is your favorite type of tree in the spring? literally every single one.

What is your favorite type of tree in the fall? literally every single one.

What is your favorite type of tree in the summer? okay. you know where this is going.

Do you like winter? I love wintertime. it is my faaaaaaaavorite.

What is your favorite season? winter

Would you like to be rich and own a vacation home? that’d be cooooooool.

Are you at your ideal weight right now? No, definitely not. I’ve lost a lot of weight from being sick, but im not where id love to be.

Do you have a favorite lipstick? oh yeah.

What eyeshadow color do you think looks best on you? browns and light creamy colors.

What color are your eyes? Blue/navy/gray

Did you do anything productive today? Nope. but it’s only like 9am.

What is your favorite Halloween costume that you've worn? I have worn like 2.

Do you like Snoopy? Yeah.

What's the biggest store in your town? ummmmm, jewel

Do you eat out a lot? depends on your definition of a lot.

Do you take medication every day? no.

Favorite nail polish color(s)? it depends on the season.right now dark colors.

Are you someone who loves paper? i mean, sure.

Are you a runner? No. I used to in HS but once I got sick and my lungs weakened, now it’s nottttttttt a good situation for me.

Have you ever run a race for charity? No.

Do you set goals for yourself? continuously.

Who was your valentine this year? it was supposed to be kile. he didn’t do a powerpoint, plus he belonged to someone else -- but I didn’t know that. So i guess even tho i felt it was him, it was really no one.

Will you wear green on St. Patrick's Day? I usually incorporate something green just for fun. < same

Will you celebrate Easter? absolutely.

What is your favorite spring holiday? Easter.

Do you celebrate Good Friday? I mean i don’t throw a party or anything, but i think its a special day.

What is your favorite type of filling for a chocolate egg? literally whatever cadbury wants to throw my way.

Have you bought any new shorts for summer yet? summer is ending, but I have an enormous amount of shorts.

Do you own any light-colored jeggings or skinny jeans? sure

Would you ever wear pastel-colored pants? I have previously, but its really not my style.

Do you write in calligraphy? i am capable and sometimes will for like a title or if I’m taking notes and want to separate the subjects, but typically i print.

Do you collect journals? No, but I do love them.

Do you like avocado? in most respects.

Have you ever moved to another state? No. but maybe soon.

Would you ever move to another country? absolutely.

If you HAD to move to another country, which one would you pick? probably like switzerland, ireland, somewhere where english is used.

Do you want any tattoos? Nah.

Do you feel relaxed today? No. I’m exceptionally weak rn for some reason.

Name 5 girl's names that start with R. Reagan, Rebecca, Riley, Ruth, Rose

What is your favorite middle name? it all depends on the first name.

Do you like the feeling of the warm sun on your face? um no, pretty much never. It always makes me sweat which i loathe. I do not like being warm.

0 notes

eldritchsurveys · 4 years

Text

880.

5k Survey VII

301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die. >> Feeling real human connection, skydiving, travelling abroad, feeling at home in my body and not being riddled with dysmorphia and dysphoria, therapy that actually helps and doesn’t make me worse. 302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year? >> I highly doubt any of those things can be accomplished within the next year. 303. What do you feel controlled by? >> The effects of persistent trauma. 304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him? >> Why would I believe one dude over all the evidence collected by many humans by a variety of methods (including actual visitation of said moon)? Doesn’t matter what his name is, he’s still got the burden of proof and if he doesn’t deliver, then his word doesn’t mean shit. 305. What is one thing you are sure of? >> I’m sure of nothing, really. I’m not even sure the moon isn’t made of green cheese. I just choose to believe the multitudes of scientists that have asserted otherwise, because that makes more sense than believing a questionable apparition from a religion I don’t even follow.

306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert? >> I guess throughout the morning and early afternoon, before the mid-afternoon slump hits. 307. Have you ever played in a band? >> No. 308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking ‘early creatures crawled outta that’? >> I’ve never had that thought while staring at the ocean, no. But I can see how one would, and it’s a pretty fascinating thing to consider. 309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean? >> It depends on what’s on my mind that day. The ocean doesn’t conjure any specific thought processes for me or anything. 310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games? >> I don’t know how to play chess and I don’t care to find out. 311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you? >> In passing, sometimes. More often I think of where my atoms will end up after I’m gone. 312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you? >> ^ 313. If you didn’t know that people couldn’t fly do you think that you could? >> I don’t know if that’s what I would think or not. 314. Are you someone that others call when they’re having a problem and want to talk about it? >> No. 315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author? >> I usually don’t, not without prompting, or without having prior knowledge of the author’s perspective on things, life experiences, that sort of thing. For example, I know a lot about Ayn Rand’s life by now, so when reading her books, it’s a lot easier for me to see what she was expressing and why she chose to express it like that. Whereas when I first read The Fountainhead, I mostly took it at face value and the political implications kind of went over my head in the beginning. It’s just not my skill set, I guess (and is a big reason why I failed high school English). 316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually do stuff like that. 317. What are your feelings about the death penalty? >> Sometimes I think it’s more humane than lifelong incarceration. 318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be? >> If I wanted to ask a god a question, I’d just ask him. I don’t see what the issue is, here. 319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets? >> I think it’s highly possible and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. I’d be really delighted, though, because that’s a neat ass discovery. 320. What is something worth suffering for? >> I’m not sure “suffering” is the word I’d use for this kind of thing. I think there is useful pain and good stress, but the word “suffering” particularly implies a level of unnecessariness to the whole experience. Suffering, to me, is the stuff of life that no one should have to go through, that adds nothing of value to the world, that is mainly just human cruelty perpetrated on others. Suffering is “starvation in a world of plenty” or “chronic homelessness” or “child abuse”. Whereas what I think a useful pain or a good stress is, is something like “delayed gratification” or “strenuous exercise” when in service to a personal goal or ideal, or the pain of surgery to fix something wrong, or the pain of mourning or confronting a feeling that you’d otherwise try to run from. 321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it? >> I’d have extra eyes all over. That’s a pretty good look, if you ask me. But they’d have to be tattoos or magical projections or something, because otherwise that’d just be a terrible nuisance. Eyes are way too sensitive and prone to injury to start putting them on body parts that generally have more contact with the environment. 322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature? >> I don’t know. The conditions of my existence have put me at a considerable remove from nature, I think, along with a lot of other urban-dwelling Americans. So now capitalism sells us things and experiences meant to “get us back in touch with nature~”, because this is a hell world. 323. Would you rather live simply or extravagantly? >> I think some measure of in-between is best for me. There are some things considered “extravagant” by other people that I think would just provide me and my neuroatypical brain with a better quality of life -- like having a big bathroom with modern fixtures, or a housekeeper to do the heavy cleaning. On the flip side, I don’t want to live in great opulence, or anything. I want aesthetically pleasing, well-made things just like the next guy, but not ostentatious things, not status-symbol-y things. 324. Have you ever been camping? >> Yeah, a couple of times. Would love to go again. 325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new? >> Well, see, I have never had open-heart surgery, so-- 326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are? >> It depends on what levels they are different from me. I can definitely have conversations with people of varying interests and life experiences. That’s how I learn new things and new perspectives. But I don’t think I could have any fulfilling conversations with someone who refused to respect the truths of my existence, or with someone who seemed especially impoverished in the open-mindedness department. 327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you? >> Er. Neither? Most of the time, strangers are just inconveniently in my line of perception and I’m just waiting for them to pass out of it. 328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do? >> Coronavirus. *rimshot* 329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all? >> I don’t think I can, really. There are some adjectives that might only apply to me incidentally, or only to a certain version of myself (who might or might not still exist), but that means they still apply in some context. 330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Jaynes)? >> I don’t feel like reading about this person. 331. Do you know who the current premier of China is? >> I don’t remember. 332. Are you very active? >> No. 333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain? >> Yeah, the Los Angeles of Blade Runner 2049. Ha ha. 334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back? >> Probably. 335. Is it really being 'in love with’ someone if the other person doesn’t love you? >> I don’t see why it wouldn’t be, but I’m the wrong person to ask about that sort of thing anyway. 336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? >> I don’t subscribe to either of those ideas. 337. Do you know secret things? >> No. 338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have? >> I don’t know what this means. 339. How do you overcome your fears? >> If I do, it’s probably because it went away on its own or something weird happened to dispel it. I have no idea how to overcome a fear on purpose. 340. What can you do better than anyone you know? >> Nothing. 341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence? >> No, I really would not. Unless you mean “wilder” in the sense of “wilderness” and not, like, “wild child”. In that case, yeah, maybe. 342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger? >> I don’t know, man. I try not to make any sweeping generalisations like this. I think some of the conversations we’re having as a society really need to happen, though, whether they’re comfortable or fun to participate in/observe or not. 343. Have you ever fired a gun? >> No. 344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other? >> As I said, I prefer not to make sweeping generalisations like this, I don’t think they’re useful or in any way accurate to actual experience. 345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)? >> What. 346. Does safety stifle you? >> Some people’s ideas of “safety” do stifle me, yes. Other people’s ideas of it are life-affirming to me. I haven’t really given much thought to what “safety” means for me, personally. 347. Who or what needs to be stopped? >> Oh, you know. The planet, so I can get off *cue laugh track* 348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated? >> Isn’t that what the advance of civilisation is, and particularly advancements like technology and industrialisation? The process of increasing domestication, of separating Man from Nature, elevating that one above that other? Otherwise, I have no idea how I’m supposed to answer this question. 349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family? >> No, I know nothing about them. 350. How did the death of Pope John Paul II (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_John_Paul_II) affect you? >> It didn’t. I don’t even remember when it happened.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey

0 notes

tyvian-whaler · 7 years

Text

Camellia - my destiny is in your hands [AO3]

She knows. It's all Mikhaila can think about; Morgan knows.

She's not sure what's worse; the impending reprimand from TranStar or the way Morgan looked at her when she admitted her condition. Starting a relationship with her boss was a dumb idea and she knew that right from the start but there's just something about her, something she couldn't stay away from.

Mikhaila is on her way back to her quarters to wait for the final verdict, to see if she's going back to earthside or if they'll make her dissapear in space. She barely registers the people around her until she's back in her room where she slumps down on her bed and lets the full impact of what's happened hit her.

Morgan knows.

It wouldn't be so bad if Morgan was just her boss, if she was just TranStar cracking down on its employee, but it's her girlfriend. Just a few days ago they were spending their day off holed up in her quarters without a care in the world. There won't be any going back to that now.

Any minute now she'll find out she can't leave her room until the next shuttle arrives. Any minute now and she'll be thrown back home without finding out about her father, without accomplishing anything other than hurting Morgan.

A cold sweat breaks out over her skin and it almost feels like her soul is leaving her body. It wants to, that's for sure. Can she handle the punishment? Maybe it's be better if she goes rogue and run before security can stop her. The shit has already hit the fan, how much worse can it get?

She takes a look around the room and for a splitsecond she can't decide if she needs to find a weapon or pack her bags but ultimately she remains seated. There's nothing she can do now but wait and yet it feels like time has stopped.

Morgan knows she has paraplexis, that neuromods are ineffective and she'll remember everything on the station if she leaves; a direct breach of contract. They have spent months together and all the while Mikhaila has kept the truth to herself, lying by omission. What's going through Morgans head right now?

Is she dissapointed? Furious? Maybe she doesn't care. It's not like they had a relationship with a goal set in the future, it'd just been comfortable and convinient. Yeah, Mikhaila is inlove but they didn't start off that way. It's possible Morgan is in her office right now calling TranStar and scheduling Mikhailas departure without hesitation.

Mikhaila feels the knot in her gut twist and turn and she lies down on her bed as if she can straighten it out. It's hell waiting even though she knows what she's expecting, it almost feels redundant. Just get it over with, she thinks, just send me back. Don't make me wait for it.

An hour passes and it feels like an eternity just as it feels like a second. A knock on the door startles her and she immediately feels her blood run cold. She wants it to be over with but she can't help but to stall, trying to win as many precious seconds of freedom as possible. But the person at the door won't leave until she answers and there's nowhere to go anyway.

She has to brace herself, enter a state of mind where her heart is a stone and her nerves are steel, and she ignores the way her body tingles in fear. A thousand thoughts rush through her head where she imagines what might be waiting outside but when the door slides open it's only Morgan.

Morgan pushes her way inside quietly and and crosses her arms at the end of the small hallway, taking her time to turn around to face Mikhaila. The tension is buzzing in her ear like static and for a second she's worried Morgan has said something that she didn't hear but when Morgan does speak it echoes in her head.

"You're a real son of a bitch, you know that?"

"I'm... I'm sorry, Morgan."

"Sorry? Do you have any idea the kind of shit you're in right now? The shit I'm in?"

"I never meant to hurt you, I-"

"Why? Why would you-... Why?"

Morgan is not in a mood to listen, not really, but she can tell there's a lot of frustration boiling inside her. If Mikhaila comes clean about her real motive there's a good chance Morgan will explode for good, there's not a chance in hell they can have a real conversation about it right then and there.

"Morgan..." she tries, stepping closer with her hands infront of herself but Morgan ducks away, heading into the room properly. She begins pacing back and forth at the end of the bed like she's arguing with herself and Mikhaila almost considers leaving and coming back later but she still doesn't know what the verdict is.

The pacing continues for a moment as Mikhaila stands still, unsure what to do, until Morgan finally stops and sinks down on the bed. She feels surprisingly less tense than before and more worried about her girlfriend and she gently moves to sit next to her, taking her hand in her own.

Morgan nudges Mikhailas shoulder with her head and locks their fingers so that they're holding hands. It feels sweet and soothing and Mikhaila holds on to that, not knowing when the next time she can have a moment like this is.

"It's going to be okay." Morgan says. "I fixed it."

"What do you mean? What did you do?"

Mikhaila lets go and tries to turn to face her but Morgan falls down on her back and stares at the ceiling instead. She can't tell if Morgan is being coy, attempting to make the situation light, or if she's had to compromise something horrible just to keep her safe but Morgan barely reacts when Mikhaila crawls to her knees next to her.

"Tell me. For fuck's sake, Morgan. What did you do?"

"I told Alex. I had to." she replies, keeping her eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Had to convince him that keeping you here is more important than following protocol. He agreed. Said that you're an excellent employee and that the station is worse off without you."

Mikhaila is at a loss for words. What does that mean, exactly?

"And...?"

"And... As far as TranStar is concerned you're as healthy as anyone else on this station. They're not going to find out and you can stay. Nothing's going to change."

The relief that washes over her is riddled with doubt. Can it really be that easy? Lying about her condition is considered high treason and she could be locked away for good with no way to fight it, but Morgan fixed it?

"Except..."

Oh, okay. Here's the catch.

"Now I know you've spent the past few months in a relationship with me and you kept it from me all the while. I let you into my bed and you betrayed me."

"Morgan, I..."

"I can't think of anything to say other than 'why' and I'm not even sure I want to know. There can't be an answer to that that'd make me feel any better so can we just... not? Can we just pretend we're okay?"

She says the last part after locking eyes with Mikhaila and she feels a surge of remorse but it had never been in the plan to hook up with her boss. All she wanted, and still wants to do, is find out what happened to her father, to find some kind of closure. It hadn't felt like such a big deal when she got hired by TranStar and it wasn't even until Morgan found out that she realized that she was playing a dangerous game.

Even more dangerous when emotions got involved.

"I am sorry I lied." Mikhaila says, shifting her legs so she's sitting with them crossed.

"We don't have to talk about it. It's fine. It didn't happen, okay?"

"Okay. But I didn't... I don't want to hurt you. I care about you."

Morgan doesn't say anything but her face softens and she tugs on Mikhailas shoulder to hint that she wants her to lay down. They face eachother and Mikhaila tries to relax.

Morgan knows but it's okay. She'll keep her secret for some reason and as Mikhaila feels stress dissipate and turn into residual ache, she feels tears burning behind her eyes. If TranStar finds out now it'll be both her own and Morgans ass in the fire, possibly even Alex unless he has a plan just incase (and he usually does).

She tries to hold it in but she feels embarrassed and it only makes the tears more urgent. The first drop falls on the cover of the bed and she almost thinks Morgan won't notice but the other tear settles on the bridge of her nose. Morgan wipes it away with her sleeve and kisses her on her cheek and Mikhaila feels too many conflicting emotions.

"Why?" she asks her. "Why did you do this for me?"

"Because," Morgan replies, moving stray strands of hair from Mikhailas face, "I care about you too."

Mikhaila sighs and the tension must've been concentrated into those two tears because she feels so relaxed and happy, lying next to her girlfriend who put herself at risk for her sake.

"How did I become so lucky?" Mikhaila asks.

"I'm still mad, though. You're not that lucky."

Mikhaila smiles and scoots closer to wrap an arm around Morgan, settling her forhead against hers and the bed feels a little bit softer now, the room a little bigger. She can't blame Morgan for being upset and she understands that it'll take a while before she can come close to forgiving but Mikhaila has time.

She can barely believe it. Morgan knows but it's not as bad as she had anticipated, it's actually kind of nice. A weight has been lifted off of her shoulders and she won't need to make up excuses for when her medication is due. It won't be an omnious cloud hanging over her anymore.

Morgan knows.

#prey #mikhaila ilyushin #morgan yu #female morgan yu #lesbians in space #prompt #flower prompt #camellia #kuri writes #writing

38 notes · View notes

pink-valkyrie · 7 years

Text

One Piece OC Lydia Rae Morgan/Mihawk

Lydia Rae Morgan is an oc I created for the One Piece world, Birthday December 9th. She is a 22 year old woman, whose weapon of choice is a whip and two dual pistols with crosses on them. She has long black hair, and golden eyes, she has two types of haki. She is a enchanting pirate with an amazing voice and skills to match and she what I think dracule mihawks daughter would be. She can use a sword when pushed but would rather not. She has multiple goals. Hopefully this is one of many stories/drabble I will write on her.

Do Not own One Piece or any of the original characters But I did Create the character Lydia and her backstory

Hope you enjoy~

My name is Lydia Rae Morgan, this my story up until now anyway. The reason I'm writing this down or telling anyone about this, about me, in the next few days I will be face to face with the worlds greatest swordsman. Dracule Mihawk, how I've longed for the day where I could meet my father, the man who has no clue of the life he created or the trouble he caused with it. He will though maybe after today, after I'm finally recognized as an equal maybe even as his daughter, its only rewarding if I beat him though. No more just waiting for him to take an interest in my bounty poster and come search for me. No more waiting for him to see if the woman in the poster with features strikingly close to his and amazing abilities is actually of any relation. Let me start over my given name, not the one I go by is actually Lydia Rae Mihawk. Morgan was my mothers last name, it was one of the few things she left me with before she dropped me off at that orphanage in the east blue at age 8. I don't have much memory of her since she was always working or at a distance. I do remember she had an amazing voice when she sung or when she talked. When she did talk to me she spoke of the my father and of her love turned to hate. I was a smart as a child, she didn't need to tell me that when she dropped me off December 9 on my eighth birthday that she wouldn't be coming back to get me. She said she was gonna drop me off to play with the other children and she'd be back later. A false hope I held on to as one of the ladies at the orphanage took my hand from my mothers. It was hard to make friends, a lot of the kids were scared of me because of my golden eyes. I did end up making a few, most were boys. After learning and chores we would all go outside to play and that's when I learned to fight and think fast. As I grew I remembered moms words about the weapon my father used a sword. My interest in that was brief my skills were above average but one of the instructors pointed out I could use some improvement and my style would always be sloppy and brutal as long as I carried my hate. Hate was an awful word to use for that. I never met the man, I was sure he didn't know I alive. I couldn't blame him for that. I was bitter about the situation I found myself in. One time around the age of 13 I'd found myself thinking of mom and I begun to sing. I remembered the song, some of her features, smiling I opened my eyes and found a crowd of people in front of me. I had gained her singing abilities. I had found a way to make money to fund my journey. Also around that age I decided I'd go on adventure see the world, maybe one day meet my father if he was still alive. I was told never to mention his name around other people because he was dangerous and wasn't popular among others. I'd have to really trust someone with my life before I would reveal his name. At 15 I left the orphanage. At sixteen I bought some supplies, a boat, my weapons a specialized whip and dual pistols. I practiced many times my accuracy and soon found I was better with those than with a sword. An when I was confident in my abilities I set sail. At first like I said it was adventure! It was thrilling and alittle lonely at times. While landing on islands I would restock, gather information, an train. My sassy attitude and my willingness stand up for others did get me into my fair share of fights. At age eighteen I saw my first picture of my father. I finally understood my mother stories of him alittle more. He was a strong and dangerous man. In that moment I grabbed the wanted poster as a keepsake and a reminder of what I was gonna aim for. I would become a pirate, one that'd stand out enough for him to notice me. I would prove myself to be a great pirate. AN when the time came I'd face him a swordswoman and if not beat him, match him as an equal, prove myself worthy of being able to call myself his daughter. I sighed looking up at the night sky I knew my journey was only beginning. Dracule Mihawk the day when we meet will be a day neither of us will forget. For a few years in between docking I trained my mind, combat skills and my abilities to use weapons mainly focusing on my swordsmanship knowing at some point I'd fight him. At At twenty I unlocked two my haki abilities, which was quite a shock when my eyes turned red and I was twice the fighter I used to be. At twenty-one I gained my first bounty and was dead set on increasing it by taking down other pirates or unjust marines. I finally gained the information I needed. I set sail to my fathers island. It was now or never, my mom, the people at the orphanage, my instructors, all the people I'd beat, the people I'd met while sailing , the unlikely friends I'd made on my adventure, meeting the strawhat pirates, meeting Rorona Zoro. Zoro. The young handsome swordsman that earned my fathers respect and approval as a rival. The meeting wasn't exactly a friendly one at first but its not one I'll forget or regret. If I survive this I think I'd like to see him again. As I step off of the boat on to my island I make my way to his castle. I'm shocked to see when the door opens a girl with pink hair and the man I was just thinking about covered in bandages. Zoro. My shock is not dulled when the man that's haunted my dreams for the last twenty-two years steps forward to enter the room. "Mihawk." I gasp. This was my father. His eyes show a brief flash of emotions, to fast to recoginze. Finally he speaks after a moment "What is your business here." I draw a breath an answer " I would like to challenge you to a duel, in which the winner gets something of value from the loser, in the event of a draw both exchange something of value . "Would you accept my terms for a duel, Mr.Mihawk I have travelled a long way for a long time just to meet you." The girl with pink hair know as Perona floating close by just watched the exchange. Zoro finally spoke " Lydia you can't be serious you don't even fight with swords. What your asking for is crazy. " Not taking my eyes of Mihawk I feel I owe Zoro an answer. "You're right Zoro. Swords aren't orignally my weapon of choice in a battle. But I can fight with them well enough. I did have a purpose in coming this way. An I feel the only way to address the reason is by dueling him. If he will allow it. " Zoro confused said no more. After that the room filled with a painful agonizing silence. "Alright, Ms. Lydia I'll accept your terms for the duel. We will duel outside in just a moment. let me gather my sword." I began walking to the location Zoro right behind me. I began stretching and undoing my dual pistol with the crosses and my whip. leaving me only with my swords. Perona with a medical kit in hand and mihawk with his sword approached. As soon as he nodded I activated my haki an unsheathed my sword. Our swords clashed again an again I managed to dodge his blows, as he dodged mine. I miscalculated an his sword nicked my side once. I tried to remain calm and focus, none of my attacks were connecting with anything but his sword. He then spoke "Shall we call it a draw. You have done well enough. If we continue you might die and we didn't agree to those terms." I felt as if proud that it was a draw but disappointed the result showed anything but. "That would be wise on my point. But instead of a draw, I concede to you Dracule Mihawk. " Backing away I sheath my swords as Perona and Zoro make their way over. I'm breathing alittle hard gazing at the man worthy of his title an smile, "What is the thing of value you would like? I did lose to you. " "Your full name and the real purpose of your visit although after you tell me that we will discuss things further." " The name I go by is Lydia Rae Morgan, as for the purpose I should say morgan was my mother last name, before she handed my care over to someone else she told me my fathers and my real last name was mihawk. So after the orphanage I decided I at least wanted to know or well see the man that claimed to be my father." Sighing in defeat I close my eyes and wait for a laugh, hate, or just rejection. Say it aloud makes me seem crazy, all the training, and adventuring, everything, just to meet one man. " I nearly begin to quake I just revealed to Mihawk, Perona, and Zoro who I am and my reason for everything. I feel my eyes sting with what would be the first tears I've cried in years. "Lydia Rae Mihawk. my daughter. The things you must have endure to find me. " Stepping closer he placed a hand on my head and ruffled my long black hair awkwardly. "You are welcome to join us for dinner after your wounds looked at an when you are feeling up to it. We have much to talk about, my child." Blinking the tears away in shock or confusion. He didn't look like he was mocking her or anything of the sort. in fact when our eyes met he let a small smile grace his face. "I'll see you then" and just like that he was walking towards the castle. Perona began tending to the injury and Zoro muttered something about challenge me when I was better. Yes indeed things were gonna change for sure. I accomplished one of my goals. After dinner and much discussion, we decided I would train with him and zoro for the span of two years until zoro goes back to his crew. I felt like teasing Zoro would become my new favorite hobby while there. An I would gain a few new goals to accomplish. An I decide what to do next after that. But I'd always have a room in his house. That was more than good enough for me. After two years I might just stay there. Or I might cash in that offer the strawhats made to me some time ago to join their crew or I might just go off on my own for a few more adventures. Only time will tell the tale. One thing is for sure, this isn't the ending, just another chapter in my story.

#One piece #oc #Lydia Rae Morgan #One Piece OC #Dracule mihawk #zoro #perona #Lydia Rae Mihawk #anime oc #adventure #pirate oc #story #oc backstory

3 notes · View notes

xxleondraxx · 7 years

Text

Last Hope of Dead Hearts (aka Unsanctioned Fraternization)

This fic revolves around Evfra and Maria Ryder. This chapter is SFW. This fic contains spoilers. This fic clocks in at 9,452 words. Enjoy.

Thank you to my beta readers:

@gdi-bucky @kiibster @knjyasu @malvinnia

And extra thanks to @knjyasu. She’s the one I’ve been bouncing ideas off of. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have even thought about writing this. I probably wouldn’t have jumped on the Evfra train at all.

Chapter 1

Aya. Sovereign land of the angara. This place is beautiful, Ryder thought to herself as she leaned her arms against the railing of one of the balconies and looked outward. The view was stunning, and the setting sun was casting shadows that seemed to give everything a stunningly ethereal depth.

This is what home should’ve looked like, she thought, the idea threatening to cast a melancholy blanket over her enjoyment of the view and turn it bitter. She dipped her head down and rubbed her hands over her face. She’d been at this Pathfinder thing for months now. She’d managed to do some amazing things. Some things that some might think were impossible. Starting a terraforming engine on a planet so that it could again become livable? That was about as impossible as it got.

But it hadn’t made her job any easier. Most of the time she had no idea what she was doing. She felt like she was standing in a room with walls covered with buttons and pushing them with the hope something good would happen and she wouldn’t cause everything to come crashing down around her.

She didn’t even know how she’d managed to do as much as she had. She just knew that she couldn’t fail. It wasn’t an option. If she did…

Ryder took a deep breath through her nose then exhaled through her mouth in an attempt to beat down the thought. The hopes and dreams of the entire Initiative were riding on her shoulders. It was something she tried to not think about, afraid that the implications of the thought would crush her beneath its weight. How could one person be expected to handle all this? Sure, her team helped, but at the end of the day she had the distinct feeling that Jaal was the only one that actually believed in her.

Besides, they were the team. She was the Pathfinder. Everything they did in the field reflected directly back on her, not them. They had the easy job, mentally speaking. They had to follow, and she had to find the path for them.

“Ryder, did you hear the one about the deaf man that was hit by a train? Neither did he.”

Ryder snorted a laugh at SAM’s dry attempt at humor. “SAM, what the hell was that?”

“You needed a pick me up,” SAM replied. “I thought I would offer assistance.”

Ryder leaned her head against her fist as she continued to look out at the landscape. “Thanks, SAM. Was just thinking about the impossible task ahead of us.”

SAM was silent for a while before he spoke again. “Ryder, your father chose well when he picked you to succeed him,” SAM said. “Had Cora taken over, I do not think things would have gone as well. You are the one that started the Vault on Eos.”

“Oh, come on, SAM,” she replied. “That was all you.”

“I could not have reached the consoles by myself,” SAM replied. “You had the courage to throw yourself into the unknown without thought for your own safety to help others. Cora does not take such leaps.”

Ryder didn’t say anything as she listened to the AI.

“Being a Pathfinder takes more than planning. One must be able to improvise at a moment’s notice. To change plans, or to go in with nothing but a goal. Meeting the angara was not planned. While first contact was anticipated, only simple guidelines could be drafted for such an event. It is through your will and determination that the angara are now allies and not foes. You saved the scientists on Havarl. You saved the Moshae. The angara look to you as a symbol of what an alliance with the Nexus could be. They trust you, even if they do not fully trust the Nexus.

“I do not believe Cora could have accomplished this the way you have. She is not mentally prepared for a leadership role. She continues to search for someone in a place of leadership that has a plan she can follow. Your father knew this. I believe that is why he chose you.”

Ryder smiled and hummed a little. Having SAM in her head was like having her own personal motivational coach sometimes. “Thank you, SAM,” she said.

“Of course, Pathfinder. Remember that you are doing a good job,” SAM replied, going silent again.

He was so quiet most times that Ryder often forgot that SAM was always there.

And that he was usually right.

Things were absolutely difficult right now. Nothing had gone according to Initiative plan. Hell, even the person that had created the Andromeda Initiative was dead. But nothing was impossible. She’d already done several impossible things in the short time since she’d become the Pathfinder.

Saving the scientists on Havarl hadn’t been easy. Freeing them, yes, but the act of getting to them, not so much. Between the Roekaar, the wildlife and the plants it seemed like everything on that planet except for the rocks wanted to kill them. Even so, she’d managed to get her team to the scientists and get them out safe and unharmed.

And saving the Moshae was one of the most dangerous things she’d been through since coming to Andromeda that didn’t involve her being ripped out of a crashing shuttle and having her helmet smashed open. Even so, she’d managed to get her team through that, too, and get the Moshae back to Aya.

It hadn’t been easy, and the angara wouldn’t have been able to do it by themselves. Despite her lack of training and the difficulty of her position, she’d overcome the odds. Like she’d told Evfra during their vid call, she got shit done.

Ryder’s head popped up off her hand when a thought hit her. Evfra! For hours she’d been walking around the city. Talking to people, learning things, taking in the view and even sampling local food and drink. She'd had a startling number of angara extremely curious about touching her hair and skin and examining her hands. She’d been occupied at all times since stepping through the gates to the city.

With everything that’d been going on she’d yet to make her way to Resistance HQ. She needed to go there anyway to get a copy of the angaran laws regarding war from the arbiter.

Ryder pushed away from the railing and looked around. The first time she’d been to resistance HQ she’d gone a different way than this. However the layout of the city seemed pretty simple. If she just walked in the opposite direction of the docks she knew she’d get there eventually.

And right she was. She hadn’t had to walk far before she recognized the building. With all its solar umbrellas and beautiful green glass windows, it was an easily recognizable building. Plus the two armed and armored angara sporting resistance colors stationed outside the door gave it away. Though they wore helmets she could feel their eyes on her as she walked toward the stairs to the building and she didn’t miss the way one of them hefted his rifle up slightly as she walked past.

Head high, Maria, she told herself as she walked past the guards. You saved the Moshae. You’ve earned the right to be here. She entered the building, unsure of the reception she would get there. Many of the citizens of Aya around the docks, market and tavetaan had been grateful to her or shocked that she had managed to save the Moshae.

But this wasn’t the market. This was Resistance HQ. These people had seen the worst of the kett. Even if they weren’t an official military, they were soldiers. Fighters. They had more reason than any to be weary of aliens. They had seen what aliens could do to them. What they did do to them every day.

She expected dirty looks. Sidelong glances. Mistrust.

She opened the door and stepped into the HQ. She was barely three steps inside before most of the angara in her line of sight turned and looked at her.

Their bright eyes spoke volumes as she walked past them. Mistrust nearly buried completely under cautious optimism. That’s what she saw from them, and it was more than she was expecting. She was even more surprised when one, who looked to be an older male, walked up and thanked her for saving the Moshae.

She paused to get the angaran laws of war from the arbiter and thanked him. Lord I’ve got a lot of reading ahead of me, she thought as she tucked the data pad away and turned toward the familiar door. Behind it was the command center for the entire angaran Resistance.

And in there, was their leader.

Evfra De Tershaav. Thus far she’d only spoken to him twice: Once when they first landed on Aya and again after she’d helped the scientists on Havarl. He was a stern man if she’d ever known one. Whereas Jaal was friendly, open and loved a good joke, Evfra was analytical. Calculating. She saw it in his eyes the first time she’d met him. The gears in his head were ever turning. No doubt while he’d been talking to her he’d also been planning troop movements and going over reports he’d read earlier in the day.

He came off hard and cold unlike Jaal, who was always friendly and warm. Jaal was a kitten compared to Evfra’s falcon-like demeanor. But like there was more to a falcon than a set of sharp talons and piercing, predatory eyes, there was more to Evfra.

The first meeting with him he’d been sympathetic to the plight of her people. He’d even seemed upset, or perhaps slightly disturbed, that he couldn’t help. But he’d also been on edge. He hadn’t wanted her there. He’d wanted her to turn around and forget she’d ever seen Aya.

But after she’d saved the scientists on Havarl, his tone had changed. She’d shown that she could give selflessly to help his people. His voice still had that same dull, uninterested tone but his words were enough. And revealing she had an AI, and that SAM was a part of her, had impressed him quite possibly more than anything else had. There was trust there now. Jaal had confirmed as much.

But trust was a fickle thing. Hard to earn and easy to lose. She couldn’t let herself become complacent. If her people were going to live peacefully with the angara she needed to keep the trust going. Like it or not she’d become a representative for the entire Initiative in Andromeda. The angara would look to her for the measure of her people.

Now her job was proving to the angara, and especially to Evfra, that she and the Nexus were worthy of continued trust. And part of maintaining trust was maintaining contact. It wouldn’t look good if she left Aya without talking to him.

Ryder squared her shoulders and steeled herself. From what Jaal had been telling her about him, Evfra was a man that inspired either fear or respect in everyone around him. She’d gotten that feeling from him during their first meeting. His eyes were so intense they no doubt made people squirm in place until they looked away and ceded dominance to him.

But his eyes were no match for the piercing, judgmental gaze of her father and she’d been toe to toe with that man more times than she could count. Besides, the Ryders were genetically stubborn with a penchant for giving no quarter.

She walked through the door, her eyes immediately going to the table at the far end. A large male angara was standing there, but beyond his bulk she recognized Evfra. She walked into the room, the unknown angara’s voice coming to her ear.

“The kett are angry. Or at least the archon is,” he unknown male said.

“More than usual?” Evfra’s voice. She’d recognize it anywhere. “About what, specifically?” he asked, clearly wanting to get to the point.

“Definitely about the Moshae being rescued. They’re still using adaptive encryption, but from what I can tell, things are ugly. Someone will be sacrificed to this anger at this rate."

“Good. Fewer kett to deal with,” Evfra replied simply.

The angara inclined his head to Evfra. He turned around and started to walk away but jolted to a stop when he saw Ryder, as though her sudden presence had startled him.

Which it probably had. She doubted an average day at Resistance HQ included having a pink-haired human show up in the command center unannounced.

She smiled at the angara. “Lovely sunsets here on Aya,” she said as she stepped past him, earning a baffled look from the confused angara.

Evfra's eyes were locked on Ryder as she moved closer, analyzing her every move. He’d been watching her since she walked into the room. The woman moved with confidence. Fluidity. She moved like she belonged here.

He wasn’t sure if he should be annoyed or impressed by her bravado. She certainly didn’t carry herself like the rest of her crew of aliens. The other female human rubbed him the wrong way. There was something about her. Like she was hiding something. He didn’t like that. And the male human reminded him of Jaal; too friendly. Talked too much.

But this one… there was something different about this one. Something… visceral. Commanding. A little arrogant.

Not too much unlike himself.

And she was honest. During their vid call she didn’t have to tell him about her AI. And even if she did, she hadn’t needed to let him know that it was physically connected to her. From Jaal’s reports he'd learned that this AI, this SAM as the aliens called it, was directly attached to her brain in some form or another.

She could have kept that all to herself in the vid call. But she hadn't. And she hadn’t backed down from him in the entirety of the conversation. Never gave him the impression that she was bowing or trying to pacify him with what she said.

“Pathfinder,” he said as she moved to stand on the other side of his desk.

“Commander,” she replied, taking in his imposing stature. He stood with his arms crossed over his broad chest, leaning back slightly as he stared at her pointedly. Watching her every move.

Calculating. His cold blue eyes said it all. The two hadn’t interacted much. He was still trying to get a feel for her. Suss out what she was really like. Figure out what made her tick. She felt like she was tip-toeing a razor thin line of trust with him. But she wouldn’t let it daunt her or color the way she acted around him. Despite what he might think, she wasn’t just putting on a show to get him to trust her. Her actions reflected who she was, and her actions had gained his trust.

She just needed to remind herself of that. Just be you.

“I expect you to take good care of Jaal out there,” Evfra said. His voice was calm and smooth on the surface, though under it she could feel a warning.

“I have from the first day,” Ryder replied. “I’m sure he’ll continue to return the favor.”

“Don’t worry about him. You saved the Moshae,” he said. His tone turned up at that, sounding almost as if he were in awe of the fact that she had saved Moshae Sjefa. “That earned his loyalty.” Evfra sighed and shook his head slightly. “Still wrapping my head around what you found at the kett facility. That… ‘exaltation’.” He growled the last word. She could practically hear the revulsion in his tone, as though the word was bitter and bit his tongue like sour bile. But at the same time, he sounded tired. Like he’d been tossing the idea around in his mind all day, trying to figure it out. To make some sense of it all.

She could only imagine his thoughts on it. She’d heard other angara talking about it already. Most were horrified that they’d been killing their own kind. But they were just enacting the command of another. Evfra was the one that had been sending them out to kill the kett for years. Not only that, but whole Resistance cells had been captured by the kett in the past. Likely to be exalted.

She had no doubt that these thoughts had crossed his mind.

“There’s a human saying: ‘Knowledge is power’. The more we understand about the kett, the easier it’ll be to hurt them,” Ryder said unfalteringly.

“The more I know, the more I want to hurt them,” Evfra growled in agreement as fire snapped behind his blue eyes. He sounded ready to pick up a rifle and taste kett blood. And she couldn’t blame him.

“What happened in that place was beyond disgusting,” she replied. In her mind she could still hear the angara’s distressed, gurgled cries. Still hear the sound of bone snapping and cracking as his body spasmed and turned black as pitch. Turning him into something different. Something monstrous.

A husk of his former self.

Now that she thought about it, it was eerily similar to something from back in the Milky Way.

“Believe it or not, I can empathize,” Ryder said.

Evfra furrowed his brow at that. He couldn’t believe the nerve of this human. “How could you possibly be able to do that?” Evfra growled. “Have you ever seen your people turned into monsters that fight for their captors?”

“Yes, actually. Back in the Milky Way when I was serving with the Alliance.”

Evfra cocked his head a little in confusion. "What alliance?"

"The Alliance was the name for the human military," she replied. "I served in the Peacekeeping corps as a recon specialist for a few years."

Evfra let out a little grunt at that. Unlike the other female human, he wouldn't have pegged Ryder as former military. Though her previous position of a recon specialist interested him. That could be useful moving forward, and it was certainly good skill set for her current position as Pathfinder.

"I did a lot of work scouting prothean ruins for traps and other dangers. If it came up clear they brought in the researches and we kept them safe from any future danger."

"What were these 'prothean ruins'?" Evfra asked.

"Basically the Milky Way equivalent to the remnant ruins here, except fifty thousand years old instead of a few hundred. Also remarkably harder to understand. But going back to the original topic, there were these things called the geth, this race of AI. Somehow they got their hands on these things the Alliance started calling 'dragon teeth'. The geth would take humans, usually alive, and impale them right through the middle on these spikes. Then it would... change them somehow. Replace a bunch of their flesh and nerves with tech. When the transformation was done they'd get off the spikes and attack anything that wasn't them or the geth. Big difference between exaltation and the dragon teeth is you could still tell the husks had been human. Could still see their individual faces. With the kett they at least don't look like angara anymore."

"And you saw this happen yourself?" Evfra asked. What she was describing sounded horrific. He was already having a hard time imagining exaltation. These dragon teeth sounded horrendous in their own rights.

"Once," Ryder replied. "There was blood everywhere. I'll never forget the sound of the spike going through that guy's body. I didn't sleep well for months after that. It would've been one thing if the guy had been dead when they impaled him or if he died fast, but he was alive. And he died slow. Now we have the kett and exaltation, and I saw that too. Same idea behind both; take your enemy and turn them against each other in the most complete and terrible way."

Evfra stared at Ryder contemplatively, no words passing between them.

Ryder couldn't help but notice the way Evfra's eyes darted about this way and that as he stared down at her. It was almost like he didn't know where to look. What facial feature to focus on while she spoke. And it wasn't just Evfra. She noticed that most of the angara she spoke to did the same thing. She wondered if they did that while talking to other angara or if it was because they didn't know what to look at on a human while having a conversation. What was considered polite or correct? Without knowing the 'etiquette' behind where to look perhaps they just bounced their eyes from one facial feature to the next to avoid offense.

"Seems like you might understand exaltation better than we do," he finally said.

"Not really," Ryder replied truthfully. "Point wasn't to prove I know more than you. Just to show that humans might have more in common with the angara than it might seem."

It certainly seems that way, Evfra thought. He shifted his weight a bit onto his other leg. "Why are you here?" he asked. He still had no idea why she'd shown up here without being asked.

"That depends on what you mean by 'here', because that could mean several things, all with a different answer."

Evfra almost smirked at that.

Almost.

"Why are you in this room?" he asked more specifically.

"I know Jaal gave you a mission report about what happened with the Moshae, but I thought I'd come by and see if you wanted any additional information."

"Why would I want that from you?" he asked.

"Because he might be one of yours, but while on that mission he was under my command," Ryder replied firmly. "So from one commander to another I thought I'd do you the courtesy of offering a second report."

Evfra grunted a bit at that. He had to admit; he liked how this human's mind worked. He hadn't known what to expect her answer to be, but it wasn't that. "Jaal's report was enough," he said.

"Well, barring that, if you have the time could I ask you a few things? Pick your brain a little."

Evfra frowned. "Do what?" he asked, sounding confused and perhaps a little disturbed.

"Sorry. Idiom," Ryder said, pinching the bridge of her nose. I've really gotta stop doing that. "Just means ask some questions and get some answers," she clarified, looking back at him.

"Depends on what you're asking."

"Well you've been fighting the kett for a long time. I could use some advice."

Evfra furrowed his brow a bit and eyed her wearily. "You're war's different from ours," he said after a few terse moments, as though questioning why she would ask that in the first place.

"Maybe, but war is war and it doesn't change the fact that we're fighting an enemy we aren't prepared to fight."

"Wouldn't matter if you were," he said matter-of-factly. "The kett aren't a conventional enemy."

"Any information you could give me helps," Ryder replied. "The fights might be different but a kett is still a kett."

"True enough," Evfra said, his voice sounding dull and uninterested. "Ask away."

"Alright. Do you have any idea where the kett came from? Where their homeworld might be?" she asked. Square one. Maybe knowing where they came from would help find a weakness.

"Each of our colonies heard a different story. I doubt any were true. 'They came from far away'. That's all we know," Evfra replied simply.

"Ever try to follow a kett ship? See where it goes?" she asked. Though she had a feeling she knew the answer to that already.

"Of course we did," he replied as though insulted she thought they were stupid enough to have not tried that, his eyes flaring. He paused and took a breath. "Wherever 'home' is, they don't visit," he finished, his tone even and dull once again.

"Alright. Then do the kett have a favorite strategy? Something we can exploit?"

"They switch tactics constantly. Almost capricious about it.” Evfra took in a breath tinged with the strange rasp or purr that all angara seemed to poses when they spoke and breathed. “Makes them unpredictable.”

Ryder couldn't help but think he sounded almost… impressed. Not that she could blame him. He was a tactician, after all. An enemy that changed tactics so often that he couldn't keep up? You didn't have to like the kett to respect that.

"They aren't gods. They must have some weakness," Ryder said. She needed something. Anything.

"They're vulnerable to brute force. That's enough."

Shoot them dead, she thought to herself. That's a pretty damn human view of the situation. But after asking about if the angara had tried to follow a kett ship and his reaction to it, she wasn't about to offend him again by saying that aloud. True though it may be.

"Ok. Is there something they care about that can be used against them?"

Evfra shrugged. "Slaves. Resources. Power. Same as any conqueror," he replied as drolly as if he were prattling off a list from the top of his head.

He's either being deliberately unhelpful or he doesn't know. There has to be more to it than that. "There's no way the kett are that cut and dry. You didn't see the exaltation process. They treat it like religion. Called their facility a church and acted like they were giving the angara a blessed gift."

Evfra noticeably bristled at that. He furrowed his brow and stood up straighter, taking a few steps closer to the desk that separated the two of them and leering down at her. "They convert us against our will. That's not religion. It's genocide," he growled angrily with a bitter laugh, his words practically making him bare his teeth at her. The bridge of his nose furrowed in distaste as his eyes glared daggers at her.

Ryder could nearly feel the anger and aura of danger radiating from him. He looked about ready to strike something and it made her wonder if the angaran commander had a temper or if he was just putting on a show. His eyes had even stopped flitting this way and that and were now solely focused on her eyes. Like he was trying to stare straight into her. Make her scared or uncomfortable.

She wouldn't be shocked if it was a little of both, but if he wanted to scare her he'd have to try much harder. She took a step closer and returned his glare unwaveringly, standing firm with her arms crossed over her ribs. Try harder, commander. I don't back down easily.

Evfra eyed Ryder judiciously. She hadn't shrunk away. If anything she was blatantly staring him down, waiting for him to make the next move.

This human was full of surprises.

When he saw something off out of the corner of his eye Evfra turned his head. One of the comm officers was staring at the two of them. Evfra pinned the man with a menacing glare. The officer's eyes went wide before he quickly turned away to face his screen, his head lowered.

Evfra looked back at Ryder once more. She has guts, he thought, relaxing his posture a bit and leaning back, still staring at her. A look was usually all he needed to give someone to get them back in line and remind them who was in charge. But not her. She stared into his eyes unfalteringly, refusing to back down. Challenging him with her defiance.

Paaran was one of the only other people he knew that could stand up to him like that.

“Every culture has its purpose. Theirs is to take whatever they want,” he said bitterly.

Ryder eased the tension in her shoulders when Evfra relaxed back into his usual stance, but the implication of his words hung heavy between them like a thick stage curtain. It seemed to her like he wasn't just talking about the kett with his last statement. A glance between the lines suggested he was still on edge about the Initiative. He hadn't outright said it, but she knew passive aggression when she heard it.

She knew Evfra trusted her. Jaal had said so himself and Evfra may as well have said it too. If he didn't, there was no way he'd let her and her crew walk around Aya without armed escorts like the first time she had entered the city. Even though she was still fairly sure he didn't like her.

But the Initiative as a whole was a different matter. Evfra was smart. He'd be able to see better than most that she and her crew weren't representative of everyone in the Initiative. He knew her. He didn't know Tann or Addison.

And when the day came that he inevitably met their acquaintance she could only hope that they didn't completely destroy relations with the Resistance with their respective glory hounding and pretentiously superior attitudes.

"Is it too much for me to hope that the Initiative is making a good impression?" she asked.

"'The Initiative'," Evfra parroted back with a curt laugh as though the very thought was a cosmic joke. "Sounds so unthreatening. Like a city planner meeting," he said, his voice sarcastic and accusatory.

Ryder shrugged nonchalantly. "That's kind of what it's meant to be." She raised a brow when she saw Evfra actually roll his eyes at that.

"City planners don't walk around in battle armor with rifles on their shoulder," he retorted.

"Depends on the city," Ryder replied dryly. "You didn't see the Terminus systems back in the Milky Way. If you weren't walking around with at least a pistol on your hip, something was wrong with you. But I digress. Point is, we traveled through dark space to make a better life here than what we left behind."

Evfra leaned forward and leered down at her. "That's what invaders always say. At first."

"We're not invaders. We're settlers."

"Of course," he replied as he returned to his usual stance, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Ryder knew a dead end when she saw one. There wasn't a thing she could say to change Evfra's mind about the Initiative. He was a man of action, not words. Anyone could say anything, but not everyone could prove what they said with their actions.

A change of subject, then. She still had other inquiries anyway.

"Well then, moving on. Is the Resistance all the angara have in terms of fighting strength? No official military?" Ryder asked. Perhaps talking about Evfra's cause would settle him down a little. He looked irritated.

Then again, that could just be his face.

Evfra grunted a little. "Lost our fleets and armies decades ago. Kett, mostly. The rest fell to... internal strife. We kept fighting but our civilians were disorganized. Poorly supplied. Leaderless. Decades of aimless defiance got us nowhere."

"Until you came along," she said.

"I had to make the Resistance real," Evfra replied, determination in his voice and eyes. "My people needed to know that they had a force that could protect them from the kett. That there was hope."

Ryder could tell from his tone and the way he held himself how proud and determined he was when it came to the Resistance. Despite his cold exterior, this was a man that cared deeply about his people.

From talking to Jaal, she'd learned a few things about Evfra. According to him, his commander was a man of single-minded dedication to the Resistance. He'd raised the Resistance up out of nothing after the kett had taken his entire family away from him. It was an idea she could understand herself. Though she hadn't chosen to be the Pathfinder, like Evfra had chosen to raise the Resistance up out of the muck, had it not been for the death of her father and near loss of her brother she wasn't sure she would have ever found the strength to do everything she did.

For them, for their memory, she would fight until her last breath to keep the Initiative from dying.

Then again, that was Jaal's take on Evfra. "How'd you end up in charge of the whole Resistance?" she asked.

"Nothing left to lose," Evfra replied solemnly, the shine fading from his eyes, leaving them dead and hollow. "My family was rounded up into a kett slave camp. Last contact I had with any of them was ten years ago."

Ryder's heart clenched at the tone Evfra's voice had taken. He sounded... sad. Almost lost.

So it's true, she thought. Jaal had told her as much himself, but hearing Evfra say it was different. His choice to isolate himself, to command and never befriend, made perfect sense now. She could see it in his eyes. The loss of his family had ripped out part of his soul. Like as not Evfra refused to get close to anybody as a way to protect himself from the pain of having someone he cared about die.

Like Jaal had said, it was just his way.

Her heart ached for the man before her, but she didn't let it show. She didn't want Evfra to mistake her sympathy for pity. In all honesty she wanted to hug him and tell him it would all be okay, but she had a sneaking suspicion that she and her crew would be forcibly thrown off Aya if she attempted that.

"It's possible that they could still be alive somewhere," Ryder said. If he'd never found their bodies there was always the possibility. Though it could also be possible that his entire family had been turned into kett long ago. Then possibly killed in fights with the very Resistance that Evfra commanded.

"Didn't figure you for an optimist," Evfra replied. He sounded resigned. Like he'd accepted long ago that his family was dead and he didn't want to think about it any other way.

"Really?" Ryder asked with a chuckle. "I left everything I knew to come here and make a better life than what I had. If that isn't optimistic, I don't know what is."

Evfra grunted. "Suppose that's true."

"So what success have you had against the kett?" Ryder asked, deciding to steer the conversation toward something a little less heavy than the possible eradication of the Tershaav family.

"Enemy casualties are up 600% in three years," Evfra replied as though he'd rehearsed and recited that same line time and time again. "But that's just a number. What it means is more important. Every time we destroy a facility, take out a warship, we give our people hope," he continued, his voice going from bland to passionate.

"Maybe we can bolster those numbers," Ryder said. "You're not fighting alone anymore after all."

Evfra looked her up and down, pausing for a few moments as he examined her with a critical eye. He had to admit that Ryder was far more capable than he initially gave her credit for. He knew she had the potential to change things. He trusted her, but only just.

It was the rest of this 'Initiative' of hers that he didn't trust. He knew what Ryder's motive for helping them was. But he didn't know the Initiative. All he knew was what Ryder said they wanted. But she was just one of thousands. And according to all reports she wasn't one of the leaders. She was the one the leaders dispatched.

Though from what he'd seen of her he had the distinct feeling that she wasn't one to just follow blindly. She had her set of principles and she followed them. He'd seen her kind before. In the Resistance personalities like her rose through the ranks and into positions of leadership faster than any other.

"We'll see," he finally said tentatively.

Should've seen that coming. "If it isn't hush-hush, could you tell me how the Resistance is organized?"

"Loosely," Evfra replied with a small shrug. "We operate in cells. Independent strike teams have better odds. If the kett capture a cell, it doesn't compromise the rest," he said, his tone taking on an ever so slightly lighter tone and sounding less bland than usual.

Ryder nodded. "Smart. Was that your idea?"

"Yes."

"Hm." Ryder glanced to her side when she saw movement, but it was just an angara passing a data pad along to one of the comm officers. She noticed that at Resistance HQ, everyone wore the same colors. Gray, black and teal. But that wasn't the only armor she'd seen around the city. She'd seen others walking around fully armed and armored that didn't sport the same colors as everyone else at HQ.

"I've seen armed people walking around the city, but they weren't sporting the same colors as everyone here. I take it they aren't Resistance?" she asked, looking back at Evfra.

"Aya police" Evfra replied with a distasteful sneer. "Purely ornamental. Gives us the appearance of civilization."

Ryder could tell by his tone and the way his nose crinkled that his last sentence was not his own words. "I take it you don't think they're necessary."

"If things go bad, the Resistance will handle it," he said simply.

"Wouldn't that technically be up to Governor Paaran?" she asked.

Evfra grunted angrily in response and gave her one of the most impressive scowls she'd ever seen in her life. She was half surprised that his face didn't collapse in on itself.

His words also gave her the feeling that he and Paaran had a bit of a love/hate relationship. From what Paaran had told her already the two of them rarely agreed on policy and how the city should be run. They bickered and debated frequently, but she said that at a minimum they respected each other. At least from Paaran's point of view.

"Seems to be a little tension between you and Paaran. I already know what she thinks of you, but what do you think of her?" Ryder asked.

"She governs Aya. Not the Resistance," Evfra replied, standing a little taller. It wasn't exactly the answer she was looking for, but it was telling nonetheless. Evfra likely had all sorts of people think that he and the Resistance were on Paaran's leash. He wanted to draw a line in the sand on the matter. Make sure she knew who was in charge of what.

"Way to avoid the question. Is there some kind of history between you two?" Ryder asked. It felt like there should be more to it than what she'd learned about them so far.

"I can always count on Paaran to offer a... spirited argument," Evfra replied

Ryder raised her brow at the sudden suggestive tone that had entered his voice. Not quite breathy, but not quite normal. Oh yeah. There was something between the two of them other than arguments regarding policy. Though from the sound of his voice, she didn't have a doubt in her mind that the debates sometimes got a little... heated.

But knowing what she knew about Evfra, she didn't suspect any complicated emotions were fostered between the two of them. She wasn't sure about in angaran culture, but in human culture it wasn't unheard of for two people in positions of power to get together now and again to... alleviate stress.

"Sounds like you respect her," Ryder said, deciding not to open the can of worms that could be asking Evfra if he was giving it to the governor of Aya.

Evfra couldn't help but wonder what was going through that human's head when he saw a sly grin spread across her face. "She holds her own," he said, choosing to ignore it. "Not many people do."

Against me. He didn't say it, but he didn't have to. Ryder could see it on his face and hear it in his words. A man of respect and fear. That was who Evfra was. It would make sense for him to respect anyone with the backbone to stand up to him. Something that was probably difficult for most.

No one would deny that Evfra had a powerful presence. There was something about him that seemed inherently dangerous. He oozed strength and command from every last part of his body. And there was a lot of body there. Evfra was a mountain of an angara; tall in stature and broad through the chest and shoulders. He stood with absolute confidence and his eyes were sharp and hard as steel.

Evfra was an alpha male if Ryder had ever seen one. He could probably make a krogan warlord back down with a look alone, the long scars on his face only adding to his air of danger and mystery.

The hairs on the back of Ryder's neck stood on end when she felt a sudden stirring in her loins as she mused on the powerful atmosphere and physical build of the angaran commander. Nope! Shut that shit down right now, she thought to herself. Now wasn't the time for that. Never was the time for that. Especially not in relation to Evfra.

Ok. Time to get my mind off that. Next question. Uh.... "So, what's your story, Evfra?" she asked. She didn't expect to get anything out of him by asking that. He was a closed-off and isolated man. Granted he had told her that his family had been taken, but he'd offered no details. Perhaps he'd only said it to begin with because it was a matter of public knowledge.

Evfra squared his shoulders and looked down at her pointedly. "You're not getting my personnel file," he said bluntly. It seemed like he had just slammed a wall down on the particular topic of conversation before it had really even started.

Jaal was right. He really does try and keep people away, Ryder thought. He'd shut that down so fast it nearly made her head spin. Still, that just made her want to see if she could push the subject a little further. "I'd just like to know a little about who I'm going to be working with," she replied, trying to make her tone passive and a little apologetic without coming across as meek.

Evfra let out a strange rumble, his face turning dark. Uncrossing his arms he stood to his full height and started to walk around the side of his desk without breaking eye contact with her. He hadn't been bouncing his eyes like he had been earlier. He kept his eyes squarely on hers, like he was trying to burn two holes directly into her skull.

"You want to know what it's like being me?" he growled as he rounded the edge of the desk and stalked toward her. He stopped in front of her, crossing his arms again and leering down at her.

Ryder had to crane her head to look up at him. Standing tall as he was she was only eye level with what would be the collar bone on a human. He was testing her again. He had been this entire conversation. Trying to see if he could do something to make her back down. The rest of his attempts had failed, but before the desk had been between them. Neither could touch the other over the desk.

So he was trying something new. Getting in close. Showing her how small she was compared to him. Trying to smother her will with his own.

Ryder locked her jaw stubbornly and stared up into his icy eyes, returning his glare tit for tat. Despite probably weighing the equivalent of two of her and being as large and imposing as he was, she felt no fear. Only a strange sort of exhilaration at his nearness. She felt small with him looming over her, but it only made her want to stand firm and defiant.

"I wake up every morning to fight a war. I send people to kill, and die." He cocked his head the slightest bit. "If I'm lucky, there are more dead kett than Resistance when I go to sleep."

"That's a hell of a burden," Ryder replied, her voice cool and collected.

"I'm sure you would know all about it," he scoffed.

Ryder furrowed her brow at his poisonously sarcastic tone. It rubbed her just the wrong way. She struggled every day with her own responsibilities and she'd be damned if she was written off so easily.

"You think you're the only one with those problems?" she growled. Frowning up at him she stepped closer until she was almost literally toe to toe with him. She was so close she could smell his exotic scent and feel his breath on her face as he glared down at her.

The pair were so intent on their battle of wills they didn't notice that everyone in the command center had stopped what they were doing to turn and watch them. Several angara had even walked into the room to watch, passing concerned glances between each other.

"Over 100,000 people joined the Initiative. Five arks. Five Pathfinders. Nothing panned out the way it was supposed to. The golden worlds we found are dead or dying. All the arks are separated. The people that are here are either still in stasis or facing starvation. Being the only Pathfinder the Nexus has right now, it lands squarely on my shoulders to save everyone from starvation, start massive terraforming engines to make these dying worlds livable, find decent locations for outposts so we don't die floating in space, and go out and find our 80,000 missing people before they starve, crash and die against the scourge, or get captured by the kett.

"I didn't even train for the basic role of Pathfinder, not to mention the rest of it. This was all dropped in my lap when my father, the only parent I had left, died so that I didn't have to."

Evfra's brow twitched at the fury and pain in her eyes when she spoke of her father. He knew that pain all too well.

"Every day I wake up I dread the email that says our only functional outpost was attacked and everyone's dead because I didn't do good enough at a job I'm learning how to do as I go. You at the very least send out people that are combatants. They know they may never come home. My word can send dozens of civilians walking straight into a death trap. And unlike your people, we can't retreat. We're here permanently. And if I fail and nobody can find any of the other Pathfinders, if they're still even alive, then I just killed 100,000 people, nearly all of whom didn't sign up to die. Everyone in the Initiative did the exact opposite. They signed on to live.

"And now, on top of all of that, I'm helping your people fight the kett with the hope that your people can help my people not die on some backwater planet on in the black void of space. You think your job is stressful? At least you aren't trying to single-handedly prove to the entirety of a new species that your people are worth trusting."

Evfra continued to stare down at her, his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. She hadn't backed down. She hadn't so much as flinched when he moved closer to her. He thought some of her bravado merely stemmed from there being a desk that separated him from getting too close to her. But, not for the first time, he had been wrong about her.

She had no fear. Not of the kett, and certainly not of him. He examined her closely, his eyes searching her face. There was something about this alien. She was young. Her eyes still burned with hope and fire. And she was at least somewhat brash and arrogant.

Ever so slightly, Evfra's face and posture relaxed. "You have spirit and spit, Ryder. I'll give you that much. Not unlike me at your age." Her words and the way she had spoken, with passion and anger.... He'd never thought of her position like that. In fact he never really thought about her position at all. With everything going on in his own day to day that he needed to take care of and oversee he hardly spared any time to think about her. But he was thinking now.

She was... fascinating. And compelling in a way that she should not be to him. Evfra clenched his jaw at the thought. There was something about her. Something that almost... called to him.

He didn't like it.

“Enough personal discussion,” he growled, sounding uncomfortable. He moved back a couple steps. "Did you need something else?"

He called me by my name, not my title, and backed away first. That means something. Respect, maybe, Ryder thought to herself. Her own posture relaxed, letting the tension out of her shoulders. She tried to find some emotion on his face, but he betrayed nothing of what he might be feeling. His features were stoic once again, as though chiseled from stone.

"Yes, actually," she said when a thought came to her. "Is there a med bay or clinic around here?"

"Yes. Why?" Evfra asked, his voice sounding distant and disinterested once more.

"You want me to take good care of Jaal? Then I need information about angaran physiology that I can send back to our doctor on the Tempest. If he takes a hit while under my command I need to make sure Lexi is able to patch him up."

"Go out the door then to the left, down both sets of stairs. It'll be the large door in front of you," Evfra replied.

"Alright. I'll let you get back to work," Ryder said.

"Good," Evfra grunted in response.

Ryder inclined her head to the large angara before turning to leave, noticing as a couple of the angara in the room quickly turned away. She smirked to herself. No doubt they had been anxiously watching she and Evfra's confrontation, waiting to see what would happen. It had to have been quite the sight: A small, pink-haired alien squaring off with their commander.

She wondered if any of them had placed bets on what was going to happen. The idea almost made her laugh even as she could feel Evfra's eyes on her back as she walked away.

---

Darkness. It was all Evfra could see as he laid in bed that night, string up blankly at the ceiling with dull, tired eyes. But he couldn't sleep. He'd tried for hours but his mind wouldn't silence itself. Thoughts bounced around the inside of his skull like bullets on a battlefield, keeping him from the sweet embrace of rest.

He rubbed his hands over his face, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes until bright starbursts of color flashed behind his eyelids. What Ryder had found out about exaltation haunted his mind.

His people. That which he fought for, turned into the very enemy he fought to protect them from.

But that wasn't what tormented him and kept him from sleep. A kett was a kett. It didn't matter if they used to be angara. They weren't anymore. He still had to fight them.

But his family....

His heart seized in pain at the thought of his family, everyone he had ever loved and cared for, being turned into kett. The very idea chilled his insides and made his guts feel as though they were filled with rocks.

He took a deep breath and held it in for a few moments before letting it back out, trying to calm his frayed nerves and racing heart. He'd been thinking about this since Jaal had given him his mission report. But he'd refused to dwell on the idea while he was working. Too much was at stake for him to let his mind wander.

But now everything was quiet and he was alone with his thoughts. Too alone. And they filled his head like a rampaging river that swept all away before it.

He flexed his jaw, clenching and unclenching his teeth as he tried to beat the thoughts into silent submission. He took another steadying breath, feeling his shoulders trembling with tension and stress. But he couldn't calm down. In the darkness behind his eyelids all he could see were the faces of his family warping into kett.

After losing his family he'd poured everything he had into the Resistance. He funneled his pain and rage into strength and made the Resistance a force to be reckoned with. He didn't want anyone to face the loss that he had. He wanted the kett to pay for all the families they had ripped apart, and save any angara he could from their fiendish clutches.

During the first major raid he'd led against a kett slave camp, he'd been hoping to find his family among the rescued angara. After they'd all been freed he'd searched among them for days while each and every one of them was identified and their families contacted.

But by the time every angara had been returned home, not a single Tershaav had been among them. After he and the Resistance liberated a few more camps with no signs of his family, he'd given up all hope of ever finding them.

Evfra thought back to Jaals' report. In it he'd stated that the angara he'd seen looked like they wanted to be there. That some of them had refused to leave when the Resistance team tried to get them all out. No sane angara would want that. The kett had turned their minds against them. He knew from medical reports and her own statements that Moshae Sjefa had been viciously tortured, and the kett had managed to nearly wipe out her immune system.

As much as one would want to think differently, it wasn't difficult to break a person's mind and make them think and act the way you wanted them to. Evfra had no doubt that that is what the kett had done to the angara in that facility.

Who was to say they hadn't been doing that to every angara they ever took captive?

To his own family.

Dead was better.

Evfra grit his teeth until his jaw hurt. For years he'd hoped that his family was alive somewhere. That he would find them and save them some day. But at the same time he had accepted that they were most likely dead and that he would never see them again. Now he hoped they were dead. The other option....

Evfra growled low and deep in his chest. If they were alive, they had likely been turned into kett if they hadn't been years ago. And if they hadn't been turned into kett, they were likely being tortured. Experimented on.

His eyes stung as a single hot, angry tear rolled from the corner of his eye and down the side of his face. The kett would pay for this. For everything. He would make them wish they had never come here. For every drop of angaran blood they spilled he would create a river of theirs.

He had to do better. He had to make the Resistance better. The stakes for liberating slave camps were now astronomically higher. Every angara they could free denied the kett a new soldier, but it would be difficult to get more cells off whatever they were doing and focused on the slave camps. He didn't have the manpower. Recruitment was down and the selfish idiots on Kadara refused to cooperate, choosing instead to wallow in chaos and cheap booze. He had to do something. Had to find a way.

Evfra lowered his hands and let out a shaking breath. He'd had enough restless nights filled with unending thoughts to know when he wouldn't be getting any sleep. And this time, the thoughts were more painful than he wanted to deal with.

Tossing the blankets to the side Evfra sat up and swung his legs off the side of the bed. He needed to get his mind off of it all. The only way he knew how to do that was to keep himself busy.

Tired but unable to sleep he dressed for the day and left for Resistance HQ. He'd get an early start on his morning backlog before anyone else showed up. With any luck it would be enough to keep his mind off the possible fate of his lost family.

Note from the author:

I hope you all enjoyed the first chapter of this fic. I put out some previous posts saying that there would be some Evfra fluff/smut and this will get there eventually. However it felt weird to me to just dive right into such subject matter without building up their relationship first. With Jaal in Temptation on the Tempest it was easy because his romance is established in game.

But Evfra is a different story. He isn't a romance option at all so diving straight into cuddling and sex just felt... weird. So this will be a far more fleshed out story than Temptation on the Tempest. It is going to be longer and will contain more detail while the relationship between Maria and Evfra grows.

I hope that you can all be patient while I write this. Unlike the Jaal fic this one takes much more in-game research. Evfra is a subtle and complicated character. Because this fic is longer it is going to contain in-game content changed to suit the needs of the fic.

The skeleton of chapter 2 is in the works. The skeleton phase includes playing the game and taking notes as I go along. Writing down events and doing partially detailed dialog and situations to be fleshed out later for the chapter itself. It's an intricate process that eventually leads up to something like what you just read.

Thank you to everyone that reads and supports this. You are all wonderful and amazing people. I would love to see comments as much as possible. Hearing feedback such as what parts were your favorite helps keep me driven to write more.

If you want to talk about the fic, feel free to message me. I swear I'm actually a nice, approachable person xD If you have questions about Maria and Evfra, feel free to send me asks. I will answer all I get :3

#evfra #evfra de tershaav #ryder #sis!ryder #maria ryder #pathfinder #fanfic #fanfiction #evfra x ryder #mass effect #mass effect andromeda #MEA #MEA spoilers #sfw #Last Hope of Dead Hearts #(aka Unsanctioned Fraternization)#LHODH #aya #angara

247 notes · View notes

bxnseki-archive · 7 years

Text

// stole this OC questions sheet from here! super fun ya’ll should do it :’0

if you want to do it pls do i want. to kno abt ur ocs. you dont need to do all 100 bc i sure af didn’t

1. What is your OC’s name? Kimiko Ijichi 2. What is your OC’s gender? DFAB - Cis - she/her 3. What is your OC’s sexual orientation? Demi-asexual! 4. How old are they? I typically rp her as 16, but I like to imagine her in her late teens or early 20s 5. What species are they- human, animal, alien, robot, none of the above? Human 6. What is their family like? Do they have one? Yes! She’s an only child with a mother and father. Gengyo is a very loving and passionate father, though tends to be neurotic, paranoid, and spoils his daughter to no end. Ritsuko is also a loving mother who puts compassion for others as a first priority, but has been struggling with her dysthymia and thus has been a less enthusiastic parent in Kimiko’s life. More info on Gengyo here, and more info on Ritsuko here! 7. Who is their best friend? Why? Her designated best friend was and forever will be Isaki Matsuna. Kimiko refuses to refer to anyone else as a best friend. Isaki had been with Kimiko since early elementary school. Her typical form of expressing affection was through taunting, and while that did seem odd to Kimiko, Isaki truly did care for and look out for her. They were complete foils of each other; ultimately, they were perfect contrasts. 8. Do they have a partner/significant other? Why are they together/not together? Zak & I are working on a ship, but we have yet to really rp the start of it -- so no. 9. What is their most prized possession? Why is it so important? A ribbon from a beginner’s level riding competition! It was the only competition she rode in, and she only got 7th place (they gave ribbons to all the competitors), but Isaki was there to train her, to cheer for her and put it in a really fancy frame. The framed ribbon is nailed right above her desk at home! 10. Do they prefer to be warm or cold? She prefers to be chilly. 11. If they could only eat one food for the rest of their life, what would it be? No way would she settle for this. 12. Is there anything they’d like to change about themselves physically? She really wishes she had long hair like Isaki’s. Down to the butt. But she would never be able to manage it. 13. Who is the most important person in their life? Isaki was and always will be her inspiration; but from someone who is living, her father! Although he’s eccentric, he’s the light of her life, as is she to him! 14. Are they a cat person? A dog person? An okapi person? Birds!! She’d love to have an African gray parrot when she retires! Calm, friendly cats seem like nice companions, too. 15. What sort of books do they like to read (if they like to read)? Mystery, thriller, crime, autobiographies and memoirs, and books on psychology mainly. She doesn’t strictly stay with these genres, though. 16. What’s their favorite thing to do on a rainy weekend? Turn on the news channel or turn on the radio and listen to the police scanner. Arrange her blossoms from her flower pressing into little designs to frame. Study, ofc. And go shopping. 17. Where were they born? Hiroo, Shibuya 18. Where do they want to live? She wouldn’t mind staying in Japan, but doesn’t need to stick with where she’s living now (Ikebukuro). She does prefer big cities, though. 19. Do they have a job? As a student, no. But during college she’d probably get a part time job as a waitress or something before getting her internship. Then she’d intern at a therapy facility only to start work as a psychologist & therapist. Slowly but surely, she’d move her way on to more difficult, struggling people involved with touchy cases. But that wouldn’t be until she’s in her mid-30s. 20. If they could work anywhere, where would it be? Chicago. A big city full of crime. 21. Do they use any sort of weapon? If not, what would they want if they could have one? When she starts to work as a criminal psychologist with rather dangerous people, authorities would prompt her to keep a taser on her.

22. Do they have any sort of special power/what power would they want? Nope. Wouldn’t want any.

23. What’s their fashion sense? Form-fitting comfy young hipster librarian with pastels.

24. What do they think of snakes? Interesting, but keep them away from her or so help me God.

25. What is their biggest pet peeve? Regarding someone as a bad person for mistakes they have made in the past.

26. What is their greatest fear? Not being recognized for her work in her department, and that she won’t be able to help any of her clients or the police force.

27. Do they have any sort of disability, disorder, or health issue? I am thinking about her having dysthymia like her mom, or some other form of depression, since trauma can be “passed down” and she’s gone through a lot. Still trying to figure out where and how that’d fit though. She’s also lactose intolerant if that qualifies here.

28. Who is the person they hate the most in their life? She tries not to hate, and she doesn’t truly hate anyone, but her ex-boyfriend Hoitsu Mifune is someone she really, truly, strongly dislikes.

29. Is there anyone they want to be more like? Isaki. She was always super cheerful, fun-loving, spontaneous, and very go with the flow.

31. Their home is on fire- what do they do? Get out of there according to the fire escape plan she and her family have practiced.

32. Do they like children? Yes!! While rowdy ones tend to annoy her a bit, she still likes them all the same!

33. Would they rather take a short cut or take the scenic route? Depends on where she’s going. If it’s a lazy day with no plans, scenic route always.

34. What’s their strongest belief? If you don’t care for others, you’re not human; you’re a monster.

35. What’s their opinion on lying? It can come in handy from time to time, so long as it’s not meant to harm anyone.

38. Which family member are they closest to, if any? Her father as of lately.

39. Do they ever want to get married and/or have kids? YES. YES. YES. YES. yes.

40. What was the hardest decision they ever had to make in their life? Going to see Isaki’s father in the hospital while he was on his death bed.

41. What was the happiest day of their life? Not sure.

43. How did they meet their last/current/future significant other? Or their best friend, if non-applicable? She met Isaki in elementary school when they were partnered up together to do a report. They were inseparable after that. After Isaki’s death, Kimiko met Hoitsu when she was 15 through a teammate on the tennis team. They were together for nine months before she ended it.

44. If they were a class in a fantasy RPG, what class would it be? Probably a cleric.

45. Do they have any birthmarks or scars that they’re embarrassed by? She does have some birthmarks running up her legs and some on her chest, but she’s not embarrassed by them.

46. What’s their favorite color? Lavender

47. Do they have any piercings or tattoos? Do they want any/any more? Her ears are pierced, but that’s it. She’s content with that.

48. Have they ever tried drugs or alcohol? Nope!

49. Are they an idealist or a realist? Idealist

50. Are they more introverted or extroverted? Extroverted!

51. What is their main goal in life? To become a criminal psychologist.

52. What are they willing to sacrifice to accomplish that goal? Her time, her well being, her friends.

53. Would they ever kill somebody (what would they consider a justifiable reason to kill someone?) Nope! Not at all.

54. Have they ever kissed someone? Do they want to? She kissed Hoitsu a few times, though he was uninterested by it. She likes romance, so I guess she wants to?

55. Have they always been comfortable with their sexual/gender identity, or is it something they’ve struggled with? No, she doesn’t even know she is demi-asexual. She just thinks she’s uninterested because she isn’t ready to be sexually intrigued by someone. Which is technically true.

56. Do they have any special ability or marking that sets them apart from others of their species/race? Why is it so remarkable or strange? Nnno?

58. If they had a Tumblr, what would they blog about? TBFH. she’d probably be either a studyblr or post about psychology and self care.

59. Any kinks or fetishes? Rich-Looking People.

60. If they only had one day left to live, what would they do? Say her goodbyes to her friends and family, then cry.

61. If they found a wallet with the equivalence of 200 dollars in it, what would they do? Find the ID and report it to the police to be given back.

62. If they live in a world without magic/without mainstream magic, do they believe in magic? Excluding Kiyo, no she doesn’t believe in it.

63. If they could have any pet ever, what would it be? AFRICAN GRAY PARROT. PLEASE.

64. Who is the person they admire most? Why? Isaki; go back to #7 and #29

65. Do they think they are attractive? Yes!

66. What is their biggest regret? Not asking for Isaki and her family to stay home the night of the crash.

67. What would they do for a klondike bar? she’d kill a man

68. The most important person in their life has been bitten by a zombie/whatever qualifies as a zombie in their world. Do they put them out of their misery, or try to find an alternative? Find an alternative. If it resulted in having to kill her father, then she’d kill herself afterwards.

69. Is there anyone in their life they just can’t say no to? Why? Her mother; she knows she’s struggling with a lot of things and can’t seem to balance all she needs to, so she wants to help her in any way possible.

70. Are they more math, science, or art oriented? Science!

71. Is there anything they like that would be considered geeky in their world? Forensics??? Maybe? Just knowing and spewing weird trivia about it?

72. Did they/would they leap at the call to adventure, or were they/would they have to be dragged along? If asked, she’d happily tag along, so long as safety is guaranteed.

73. Do they think there is more to life than whatever they are doing right now? Oh yeah.

75. What’s their most positive trait? She’s utterly compassionate.

76. What’s their fatal flaw? She’s utterly compassionate -- to the point where she needs to baby those who are struggling, which in turn sacrifices her well being and ultimately doesn’t help those she’s caring for. Savior complex tbh.

77. What do their friends/family/teammates find most annoying about them? She’s loud, most jokes go over her head, she’s blunt, and she probably is nosy about their lives. She just has to know if they need her.

78. What are their biggest strengths? She knows how to remain calm and rational during a panicked event; compassionate; ambitious; does her best not to be judgmental.

79. What are their weaknesses? She has a savior complex; very invasive about personal lives; self-sacrificial; depressed; spoiled. Fun fun.

80. What is most memorable about their appearance? Uhh either her height or her eyebrows?

82. Do they dwell on the past, or live in the moment? OH BOY. She preaches about living in the moment, and accepting and learning from the past to progress in The Now. BUT. She dwells.

83. Why is their main goal so important to them? What set them on that path? Becoming a criminal psychologist interested her at the age of nine; it was said to be an exciting job that paid very well. But after Isaki’s death and evidence to show that she was involved with drug use/dealing and underage gambling, Kimiko changed her mindset. She now wants to become one since she knows criminals are still people. She wants to help them in any way she can, to help them lead healthy lives again.

84. Do they believe that people are inherently good? YES. She’s adamant about it.

87. Is there any other fictional character you would compare them too, personality or appearance-wise? tbh I did start to design her with traits from Ishimaru and Kirigiri. So I guess them?

89. What sort of music do they/would they like? Pop! Soft pop about romance is typically what she listens to when she’s doing her work.

90. What do they consider the worst evil in the world? Abuse, cruelty and neglect to children, as that traumatizes them and sets them up for a difficult life, only to repeat the abuse to their children.

91. What’s the closest they’ve been to dying (or, if they’re already dead, how did they die)? She attempted suicide soon after Isaki’s father died in the hospital, as he was the last of her immediate family who was living. She attempted by hanging, but her knot was lousy and undid itself.

93. Do they like their name? Is there any name they’d rather have? She does! Ijichi is a name rather well-known since her father’s family has an attorneys practice starting with her great grandfather Ijichi.

94. What is the significance of their name? Kimiko ( 君子 ) means “noble child”; Ijichi ( 伊地知 ) I cannot find the meaning of for the life of me. Italy, earth, knowledge? idk

95. Have they ever been bullied? Have they ever bullied anyone? There’s always bullying in the school yard; she’s never been horribly bullied, nor worried too much about it. Isaki was the one who would usually torment others, so Kimiko was just her henchman.

96. Are they a light or heavy sleeper? Average?

97. What do they dream about when they sleep? idk, random things. Dreams are weird.

98. Do they prefer an urban or a rural setting, or something else? She does like rural settings to stay at for a while, but ultimately she’s a big fan of urban settings.

99. Is there any moment or event that they feel defines their life and who they are now? Isaki’s death.

100. Why is this character important? To you, and/or to their world? Oh man. When I get an idea for an OC, it’s always in a short spurt, so pretty much all my OCs are really under-developed. But for whatever reason, I stuck with developing Kimiko. RPing her also helped SO MUCH in terms of figuring out why she is the way she is and adding new traits and perspectives to her. idk. I just love her a lot and I’m glad my pals here like her as much as they do. ;;;

#// there is mention of her sui.cide attempt so ;;; careful w that #|| memes #|| headcanons #|| backstory #|| OOC : out of interest

3 notes · View notes

kiaronna · 7 years

Note

Hey beautiful author, may i ask you a question? What do you think of JJ? A lot of different author write different JJ. Are you the one who like to write 'Annoying to everyone JJ' or 'Lowkey aashole but not Bad person JJ' or 'not an aashole but very narcisstic and fun to get bullied 'harmlessly' by others JJ' or simply 'JJ neutral' OR 'I love JJ'? And do you think he's an aashole or not?

Hi, Nonny! Thanks for your interest in my opinion, but whatyou were blissfully unaware of is that I’m an obsessive little perfectionist,so my answer to this question is gonna be long. Personally, I don’t love JJ—I’mkind of indifferent to him. However, I think he’s an excellent, fleshed outrival to Yuuri and an excellent person to compare to Yuuri. I’ll go overthis in three points, which are explained below the cut:

1. JJ is confident to thelevel of arrogance (note: NOT a narcissist)

2. One of JJ’s goals is tocompete against and defeat Viktor

3. JJ is a misunderstood butgood guy, though he’s not that nice

1. JJ is confident to thelevel of arrogance (note: NOT a narcissist)

This isn’t really hard to see. The man hashis initials tattooed on his back, he calls himself the “king” and skates to anoriginal song about him, and spends a lot of his internal monologue kindof…bragging about himself. Turning our eyes to Yuuri, who thinks he’sdime-a-dozen even after making it the GPF two years in a row and winning the heartof the world’s most eligible bachelor and his idol, we can see the comparisons.

Yuuri is underconfident because he puts alot of internal pressure on himself, keeps setting his personal standardsextremely high—obviously he’s under external pressure, too, but his main enemyis himself. Yuuri’s family doesn’t care if he’s a champion or not, despite whatYuuri may think, and while Japan clearly adores Yuuri, he’s moved to the USAand is notoriously reclusive (though he does read what people say on theinternet). Obviously, feeling like he’s stolen Viktor from the world puts himunder external pressure, but that’s fairly new in his life. On the flip, wehave JJ, whose parents coach him, whose siblings are Juniors skaters that arelikely nipping at his heels, who has a pretty devoted fanbase he interacts alot with—heck, Isabella is one of his fangirls and he’s marrying her—who a bandwrote a whole song about. That’s a lot of long-lasting external pressure todeal with, and I’m going to suggest that a lot of JJ’s arrogance comes from aneed to combat this pressure.

When he brags, JJ isn’t just bragging—he’spumping himself up, because he’s nervous. We all know that his nervesand pressure got to him in the Barcelona GPF, and that wasn’t some isolatedincident. This has to do with an idea I’ve seen from a lot of people: that JJis a narcissist.

JJ isn’t really a narcissist. Narcissiststend to overplay their achievements and consider themselves superior orspecial. They demand admiration, feel entitled to victory, and lack empathy tothe extent that they take advantage of others (DSM-IV criteria). JJ brags a lot, but he actuallyhas earned a lot of his own achievements—this guy was destroying ice skatingcompetitions, okay? He was favored to win the GPF till pressure did him in, andif that hadn’t happened… he probably would have won. All of that takes a lot ofwork—it’s not weird to be somewhat proud of it. JJ claims he’s superior because,by some skating standards, he is.

Also possibly because if he doesn’tbelieve himself to be superior, invincible, he’ll collapse to nerves andexternal pressure. JJ isn’t a narcissist because he does feelempathy: he wants Isabella to be happy, and fears losing her and the support ofhis parents/country. Finally, JJ definitely isn’t a narcissist because… well…look at his response to losing, or his response to the success of others. Inepisode 8, when Seung-Gil lands a quad loop, JJ doesn’t downplay thisachievement—he claps, and tries to bring it up to the rest of the room (albeit awkwardly,we’ll get into this later). He acknowledges that Yurio wants to beat Viktortoo, and expresses a genuine desire for them to climb podiums together. When JJcrashes and burns at the GPF, he doesn’t fly into a rage over how he’s lost, orfeel he’s been robbed of the medal he’s entitled to: he’s worried he’ll losethe support of the people he loves, and understands that he’s screwed up.Friends, this is a guy who’s intimidated by cinnamon rolls like KatsukiYuuri and Phichit Chulanont—he’s not a narcissist, he’s not only ego-driven, he’sa complex character who behaves like he does for some good reasons.

BAHAHAHA HE GENUINELY THINKS YUURI ORPHICHIT WOULD DO HIM THIS WAY

Basically, JJ is a normal teenage(YES, HE IS A TEENAGER, THIS ALSO PLAYS INTO HIS BEHAVIOR) guy who compensatesfor a lot of external pressure and nerves by talking himself up. I hatewhen JJ gets made out to be a total jerk—he’s not one, and Kubo made him thatway for a good reason.

2. One of JJ’s goals is tocompete against and defeat Viktor

JJ states that he wants to take Viktor onagain in the GPF and beat him—of course, Viktor takes the season off, so thisdoesn’t happen, but honestly I think this plays a lot into his behavior.

We all felt terribly for Yuuri when hisidol, Viktor Nikiforov, seemed to have no idea who he was. Well guesswhat? JJ has literally been on a podium with Viktor, the man he aspiresto defeat and probably idolizes at least a little… and Viktor doesn’t really knowwho he is, and doesn’t care. Now, Viktor doesn’t have to care, but imagine thatyou’re nineteen and the guy you admire and want to beat won’t give you the timeof day—that’d suck, wouldn’t it? JJ mostly responds to this by trying to getViktor’s attention in any way he can. We’ll walk through one particularinteraction that is going to lead straight into the JJ is misunderstooddiscussion.

In episode 8, JJ approaches Viktor andYuuri to talk about a quadruple loop. Yuuri, as we know, is already nervous andtrying to get in the zone by listening to his headphones. Viktor is supportinghim, and JJ busts in yelling about how accomplished some other skater is—Viktoris annoyed and rebuffs him, mostly because it could make Yuuri panic.

But honestly, JJ’s intent wasn’t to rile upYuuri—it was to snag Viktor’s attention. Look at this:

JJ passes Yuuri right by. If he was tryingto intimidate Yuuri, you’d think he’d talk to him, wouldn’t you? But he goesstraight to Viktor, tries to talk about Viktor’s achievements, and hegets brushed off. LOOK AT HIS AWKWARD LITTLE FACE:

HE IS TRYING SO HARD GUYS. He just wants totalk to skating’s Living Legend, and geez, with his accomplishments, he’searned the right to do so by this point. But Viktor doesn’t want to talk tohim. It’s a little sad that JJ pays no attention to Yuuri, but Yuuri is acompetitor and not the guy JJ wants to surpass, so we’ll let this go.

Yuuri idolizes Viktor, and we all know thatdeep down, he also wants to compete against Viktor and beat him (the Nishigori conversation), though he’shesitant to say it. When he initially interacts with Viktor he is Awkward witha capital A.

I’d like to say that JJ probably alsoadmires Viktor, and has clearly stated that he wants to compete against him andbeat him. When he interacts with Viktor he is Awkward with a capital A. Theparallels go on.

Anyway, this analysis goes straight intothe next section, so onward!

3. JJ is a misunderstood butgood guy, though he’s not that nice

JJ is not the nicest guy. He calls Yuri feminineand acts like this is meant to be funny, which is honestly the closest to intolerancewe get in this show. He busts into conversations and focuses a lot of attentiononto himself. But you know what? Overall, JJ is a good guy who is nice to hisfans, loving to his girlfriend and parents, and is hardworking.

He annoys the other skaters, but hegenuinely wants to be part of their ‘crowd’—something they deny him. Here heis, about to be rejected by the coolest of the cool, Otabek. Look at how EAGERhe is:

I,at the very least, was startled when he arrived during the restaurant scene,directed the conversation to himself and drove the other skaters away, and hislast words were “I was just joking!!” JJ is AWARE, guys. So when JJ bragsabout himself and says he’ll defeat others he’s… joking?? He’s… trying to laughwith other people, talk about the competition?

Most of the characters, and a lot ofpeople, think JJ is obnoxious and self-centered. JJ is not. JJ is Awkward. Halfof his interactions are please talk to me, please hang out with me, we’recompetitors! Viktor calls him unapproachable, and I think this is mostlybecause JJ’s attempts to interact with the other skaters gets misunderstood ashim being annoying and bragging. In actuality, JJ is just not all that great attalking to other people. We can blame him for this… or, we can understand that,like Yuuri, JJ can be socially awkward and make mistakes. He looks atsituations, like Yuuri trying to get into the zone, and fails to read themproperly and insert himself appropriately into them.

We don’t blame Yuuri for failing tointeract perfectly with people—we just encourage him to get better, and lookforward to his growth. I think we should treat JJ the same way, and hope hegets some humility, social skills, and a less annoying coping mechanism fordealing with pressure.

As a final note… I’m just going to say thatthe parallels between Yuuri and JJ are in no way an accident. Good rivalcharacters tend to be good foils, I think. Honestly, having JJ also be engagedand claiming he’ll get married after the GPF– and the resulting pressure hefaces– is a great example of how the narrative compares JJ to Yuuri, and ups therival tension.

Whew. So that’s what I think of JJ. Again, it’sprobably TMI. I don’t write JJ into a lot of my fanfic, because as I’ve said, Idon’t particularly love him or anything. But I think he’s misunderstood bycharacters in the show and by consumers of the show. Frankly, he’s human and agood rival for Yuuri—I love how Kubo made him sympathetic and real. So that’show I would write him, if I ever did.

#yuri on ice #meta #jj leroy #here have an opinion piece #character analysis

37 notes · View notes

ultralifehackerguru-blog · 5 years

Photo

New Post has been published on http://lifehacker.guru/how-to-achieve-10x-results-in-2019-using-this-simple-strategy/

How to Achieve 10x Results in 2019 Using This Simple Strategy

You try.

Like all of us, you have a goal in your life you’re struggling with.

You want to get in better shape, make more money, find more clients for your business, switch careers — the list goes on.

What do you do? You set a goal. Your goal is always reasonable — work out three times a week, write 500 words a day, outline your business in the next 90 days and find one customer.

You’ve been told, “the journey of a thousand miles starts with one step,” and you try to make progress little by little, but somewhere along the line, you fall short.

What gives? You know if you just “put your mind to it” you’d accomplish your goals, but you can’t bring yourself to execute and commit long enough.

What if the problem isn’t your inability to follow through with reasonable goals?

What if your goals are too reasonable and small?

Enter the 10x rule.

Photo by Matt Ragland on Unsplash

The 10x Rule Explained

Grant Cardone, entrepreneur, and author wrote the book The 10x Rule: The Only Difference Between Success and Failure.

Here’s the rule — Take your original goal and multiply it by 10. Also, multiply your effort to achieve your goal by 10.

I know what you’re thinking…

This is just wishful thinking and macho talk.

But the 10x Rule is one of the most practical books you’ll ever read.

Some of the core ideas behind the 10x rule are:

Small goals are uninspiring — Small goals are easy to accomplish but they’re also easy to dismiss. You also don’t get much satisfaction from reaching them.

10x goals stretch your thinking and actions — The common wisdom is aiming high leads to disappointment, but this thinking is rooted in fear. Setting 10x goals and multiplying your effort 10x requires a transformation, which is what we all really want in the first place. The higher the potential payoff, the less likely you are to quit when things get tough.

Don’t reduce your target, increase action — What’s the first thing we do when stumbling toward a goal? We lower it. Instead, why not ramp up your effort? If we’re honest in these situations we’d see we’re nowhere near our effort ceiling.

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Why Reaching for the Stars is Safer Than Staying on the Ground

There’s a quote from Warren Buffet that says, “When the tide goes out you’ll see who’s swimming naked.”

The 10x rule isn’t just an exercise in lofty thinking. It’s a hedge against the tightrope of average results.

There’s nothing wrong with average thinking, average planning, and average amounts of action…as long as everything goes smoothly. But as soon as situations go south, failure to set big enough targets causes massive pain.

Just look at these examples:

Most Americans grossly underestimate how much money they need to retire.

Many are living paycheck to paycheck and have no savings.

The average household has piles of debt (would you survive a repeat of 2008?)

Most businesses fail because they underestimate how much cash they’ll need to survive lean times

Almost all people with ‘revolutionary’ ideas severely underestimate how much effort it will take to execute those ideas

Living an abundant lifestyle isn’t just pleasurable, it protects you. Society emphasizes the virtue of mediocrity, but all morality aside, mediocrity is mathematically and pragmatically not good because it can all be swept away in the tide of circumstances.

You can’t just create 10x goals and make them magically happen. You have to give a 10x effort in as well. But how do you do that when taking normal levels of actions is hard?

Photo by Kid Circus on Unsplash

Massive Action = Massive Results

In the book, Grant tells the story of running one of his first businesses. He expected to do reasonably well. He wasn’t unrealistic. It would take time to earn as much through his business as he did from his former day job. He estimated he’d get back to that amount in 6 months. It turns out it would actually take years before he reached the same level of income.

He reached a point of frustration and began to lean on the crutch of excuses we’re all prone to leaning on when things go south. The market wasn’t ready for the product. The timing was off. Clients didn’t have the funds. So it goes.

Rather than quit, however, he increased his activity.

Instead of making 5 sales calls per day, he made 50.

Instead of posting social media updates twice per day, he posted twice per hour.

As the company grew, customers started to complain about the frequency of his email marketing messages. What’d he do? He decided to send messages more frequently. This turned some of his audience off, but many began to admire the hustle and his influence grew.

He had the same business idea, in the same market, with the same customer pool, and his business exploded. The only thing that changed was his effort.

Aspiring writers reach out to me a lot. They’re all frustrated with their progress. Many haven’t even written 50 blog posts yet. I shake my head. They should come to me if they’re still struggling after having written 500 posts.

This begs the question — how is the 10x rule any different from the notion of trying hard?

Photo by Kaleidico on Unsplash

The 4 Levels of Action

According to the author, we all operate at one of four levels of action:

Do nothing — Pretty self-explanatory.

Retreat — When faced with any form of resistance we back down immediately. People in retreat mode fear even beginning the journey of massive accomplishment.

Normal levels of action — You go to work and do just enough to not get fired.

Massive action — You mentally and physically go all in.

The author brings up an honest point I love. People at the first two levels aren’t really ready to take massive action in their lives.

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

I’ve heard this argument before — self-help in general usually works best for people who are already well-adjusted enough.

Fortunately, most of us fit into the normal level of action category and can move into massive action.

I’ll use myself as an example. I’m a pretty motivated guy. I wake up daily at 5 a.m. to write, work out three times a week, wrote two books, spoke at a TEDx conference in front of 1000+ people, and run a successful side business. By all accounts, I’m doing well and I’m grateful for how far I’ve come, but am I capable of much more? Absolutely.

As motivated and productive as I may be, I still have limiting beliefs and mental barriers that keep me from working ten times as hard to achieve ten times the results.

These days, I’m setting 10x goals and focusing on giving 10x effort because it might be the only way to see what I’m actually made of. But that comes with an emotional toll right? Life is hard. People don’t necessarily have time or energy to go 10x. How do we deal with our current realities and find a way to step up our game?

Stop Being a Little Bitch

In the audio version of the book, the author on-the-spot renames one of the chapters, “stop being a little bitch” as opposed to “stop being a victim.”

Look, setting aside issues on religion, politics, and sex, let’s just be honest for a second.

As a society, we’ve grown marshmallow soft. Slowly but surely, we’re learning to become more helpless, reliant, and downright whiny.

I can say this almost objectively — the government isn’t going to save you…hell they don’t even care about you at all.

I have my bias, of course, but it seems clear to me people have been conditioned into expecting good things to just happen and crying when they don’t.

Look, I get it. Your circumstances are quite real. No one’s saying they’re not. But at the end of the day, your life is your life and you have to live it. Your two choices are to act or don’t. And as much as being a victim gives you the weird pleasure that comes with martyrdom, you still end up somewhere you don’t want to be.

Anytime I feel sorry for myself, feel tired and weak, or feel like giving up. In essence, I tell myself to stop being a little bitch. I remind myself of the only two options I have — stay the same or act. After this internal conversation, I always do the latter.

Let’s explore some other topics from the book and explore strategies to support your new 10x way of thinking and living.

Photo by Carl Heyerdahl on Unsplash

An Unusual and Extremely Useful Way to Look at Success

“Do kids benefit when they see their moms and dads losing or quitting?”

This section of the book struck me as something I’ve never heard before.

The author says to succeed you should treat the acquisition of success as an ethical issue.

Most of us look at success as a luxury. We shrug it off with “sure, that’d be nice” types of phrasing. We look at giving the most of ourselves to our lives and the people around us as an option, not a duty.

Also, we all have a tendency to act pious and believe ourselves to be moral.You think you’re a good person because you don’t steal, commit acts of violence, or overtly cheat other people. But, if looking at the acquisition of success as an ethical issue, are you cheating yourself and others out of what you can contribute?

You probably are.

If you’re tempted to rush off and mount your high horse, remember, success means much more than a monetary reward or status. So, the argument of “I don’t care about money and status” doesn’t fly here.

Look deeply at your life…even in the way you treat your family. Are you fully present? Are you giving them your full self? Or are you physically there but not mentally because you’re preoccupied with worry or trying to drown that worry out by tuning out?

The point of treating success as an ethical problem isn’t to beat yourself up for not having a million in the bank. The point is actually to humble you by realizing that doing just enough isn’t something to be proud of.

You’re alone reading this. Have that conversation with yourself. Are you making success a duty or are you bullsh**ing yourself?

You know the answer…

Adopt This Attitude

“Think about it: What’s the worst thing that can happen to you if you just totally go for it?”

I entered a competition against 23 other speakers for a chance to give a talk at a TEDx conference. I’d been in a Toastmasters club for less than six months. I had no reason to believe they’d chose me. But I figured, “Why not? The worse thing that could happen is they say no. That’s it.”

When I write a new book, I spend a few thousand dollars to produce it. The worst thing that could happen? I lose a few thousand bucks — not a ton of money in the grand scheme of things. Plus, I can’t sell negative books — I know the downside.

I make these little bets on my future all the time. And the worst case scenario is usually just getting my feelings hurt and ego bruised. But we’re emotional creatures and the fear of failure and rejection can be too much to bear.

What about you? What imaginary ghosts are you battling now?

If you went all in on that idea lingering in your mind, really, what’s the worse thing that could happen?

You don’t need a loan from the bank to start a business anymore.

You don’t have to put your family at risk to start a new venture or find a new career — you can always use your spare time.

There usually isn’t a great answer to “Why not?” is there? Just fear. Always fear.

Here’s what I know. If you do fail, there won’t be a giant crowd to witness it. Others aren’t paying as much attention to you as you think they are. Also, human beings have the amazing ability to recover from setbacks. Think of a time that felt bad in the moment but barely registers with you now.

I’ve failed at many different things. It felt bad then. But now I think, “Eh. It was still worth the effort.” Then I move on.

I’m no different than you. I just act before I’m ready — and the secret is you’re never really ready.

10X The Quality of Your Life

I never seek to judge. I’m not the type to admonish anyone for how they live. My goal is to get you to think for yourself and make observations that help you change.

But let’s just call a spade a spade. There is such a thing as being mediocre. By way of pure numbers and comparison, some people are just in the middle.

I know from experience that being in the middle is one of the most dangerous places you can be — it’s also the riskiest.

Who got hit hardest by the financial crisis? The middle.

Who is a few health scares or negative financial windfalls from being destitute? The middle.

Who gets put on the chopping block when a company downsizes? Average mid-level management.

At least at the bottom, you have aid, support, and assistance. At the top — at 10x levels — you’re constantly prepared for the future and always taking action, so you know you’re ready for whatever the future brings.

In the middle, you’re most susceptible to the rug being pulled from underneath you.

From a purely pragmatic and practical viewpoint, it seems like escaping the middle should be a priority.

You may not be able to 10x your income, but you can 10x your creativity, energy, and effort.

You can 10x the standards you have for yourself.

The core idea of the 10x rule is this — You are nowhere near the universe of what you’re capable of.

Maybe going 10x isn’t the key to everything you want in life, but underestimating your capabilities is the key to not getting it.

I’ve never looked at success in terms of just status, money, or otherworldly measures. The level of effort you exert to become successful turns you into a better version of yourself.

Become a better version of yourself for the sake of becoming a better version of yourself.

(C)

0 notes