#i paid for the ticket myself and i’m still a student and it was fucking rough and after all that nothing happens?

[wenjunting]

林彦俊等你好久了 真的就这样吗

#lin yanjun post incoming #gonna get Real personal rn. a little hateful too. warning for that #it probably doesn’t sound like it but lyj was my first idolpro bias #he was one of the first people to get me into ninepercent & the world of cpop in general #when i started liking him it was in the middle of a scandal. the 等待整个冬天 one #then when i thought everything was fine the next scandal came out. lol. #so in the three years i liked him. he was active for like 2 months total. #anyway the point is his fanmeeting got cancelled and I was going and no one ever comes to singapore so. it sucks #and he’s livestreaming on instagram rn and just. he’s not saying anything. he’s not explaining he’s just going #‘there were a lot of reasons and we couldn’t get things ready in time’ #he’s talking about releasing a book and releasing a new song at the fanmeet and bringing his dogs #but what about those 3 years? what about the radio silence what about his job #i paid for the ticket myself and i’m still a student and it was fucking rough and after all that nothing happens? #maybe i’m the stupid one for still following him maybe this is just how it is being his fan. can’t blame him for not wanting to be an idol #THIS ISNT THAT DEEP IDK WHY I GOT SO EMOTIONAL OVER IT. #he called himself 前夫 like ex-bias does he think anyone wants that?? does he want that?? #is that what i should be doing then?? #yeah. whatever #kinda sucks that zhengting is the only person in my 9% bias line who’s still active. but that’s on me too

[ajoytobeheld]

Mega, depressive, all tomorrow's party post

May 8th, 2009

Today, we should be at ATP. BY RIGHTS!! The next three days promise to be a stream of torturous reminders that we’re not.

So, to celebrate the fact that I’m gonna be miserable this weekend while my friends tweet and facebook and blog about how they’re having an incredible time, as I sit LONELY at msn, ABANDONED, here are some stream of consciousness, non-proof read reminisces about the four ATPs that myself and other members of LC! have attended. Plenty of name-dropping because I’m depressed, alright?

MAY 2006 The United Sounds Of ATP. Our first ATP. Phil Elverum with Herman Dune as backing band. Neil and Tom paid for tickets. I got the other…five of our pals “press passes” due to me being a BIG PLAYER in student media at the time. We slept the seven of us in and around a single double bed. John slept with his head in a bin and wore a dress for the weekend, got recognised by Huw Stephens while hitching up his skirt in the . Tom and Neil got their picture taken with Bill Callahan. Immediately accidentally deleted it. Cried. Beth Ditto called me “the cutest thing I’ve ever seen”. Met a really awesome girl, wrote a song about it. Did a conga line whilst watching the Shins. Shared a chalet with a Sheffield Wednesday fan, he was very tall. Two litre bottles of Strongbow. Vodka and slush puppies. Might have met Josie Long. Dancing with Sleater-Kinney to ‘Hot Topic’ by Le Tigre, WHILST WEARING a Bikini Kill t-shirt. 33 at 45. Mascis playing guitar with BSS, and forgetting to mute his pedals whilst tuning up, LOL. Absolutely OWNING the dancefllor for the entire weekend.I kind of peaked here. Pretty certain this was the happiest weekend of my life.

MAY 2007 ATP VS THE FANS The moment, watching Architecture In Helsinki, that, all at once, about 25 blokes in the crowd noticed a bit of one of their songs sounded like the BBC Cricket coverage theme tune, massive grins. Starting the weekend off with The Thermals, meeting loads of people off Drowned In Sound in the front row. Somebody told me Daniel Johnston had missed his flight. I drunkenly announced it to loads of people. Daniel Johnston hadn’t missed his flight. I’m still very sorry. The Notwist being amazing. Got a verse out of this one too. Yoni Wolf and Dose One performing part of Physics Of A Unicycle together. Incredible. Missed Shellac because we watched the frankly FUCKING AWFUL Chelsea v Utd FA Cup final. Asked to do a Los Campesinos! v Mogwai 5-a-side football match. Too scared.

CAN’T FIND ANY PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF THIS ONE!!

MAY 2008 ATP VS PITCHFORK We played this one. Esiotrot/4 or 5 Magicians/Los Campesinos! 5-a-side. Lot of fun. Maybe shouldn’t go to ATP with a girlfriend, makes it a bit rubbisher. Also, don’t jump off the drum kit during your set and sprain your ankle and subsequently have to spend the rest of the weekend on crutches. Except, ATP only had one pair of crutches, and somebody had already taken. In extreme pain for the rest of the weekend. But playing was probably the proudest I’ve ever been. I CROWDSURFED!! Last day of the Premiership season, United win it at Wigan. Found a disposable barbecue with a human turd on it. Times New Viking dedicating a song to us, and hanging out with them all weekend, gettin’ waaaaaaasted man. Saw the guy, who had the crutches, CARRYING THEM, WALKING FINE!!! BASTARD!! Was offered a Zimmer frame.

DECEMBER 2008 NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS: MIKE PATTON/THE MELVINS Didn’t go until Saturday afternoon, because I had a football match Saturday morning. Watched about 3 bands. All very good, thank you very much. Watched about 5 football matches. Everton v Aston Villa was a hell of a game. United beat Fulham. Kept asking for beers with the stress on the wrong cyllables, hilarious. Got drunk and tried to go swimming. It was closed. Got tricked at ‘gay chicken’. Lots of Dance Dance Revolution. Me and Gui started our new band KrabIsland (news on that, never). I could be Teenage Jesus’ drummer.

I’ve been reasonably restrained here. Might add some more in a bit. We’ll be lucky if I don’t bust out crying…

No apologies made.

#2009 #gareth!blog #lc!blog #lc!image

[just-rogi]

I’m trying so hard to love my mother but god she makes this life so difficult- money has been right my entire life and I had to go to a college I hated because they gave me a ton of academic scholarships and I could only attend for one year so I studied my ass off and went to bed every night at 3 am doing homework and woke up every morning at 6:30 am and had an on campus job three days a week to scrap together some money, and my mom constantly reminded me that we were too poor to go on vacation or buy nice things or pay for one of the really nice colleges I wanted to go to (god I wanted to go to smith)… and now she has money and she spent 30k on a barn this year and 2500 on a greenhouse and she bought multiple fruit trees for the orchard, and my birthday is next week and we haven’t celebrated my birthday since I was 14 (when I turned 16 my friends threw a surprise party for me because I was expecting nothing at all) and I’m turning 21 this year and my mom not concert tickets to Bruce Springsteen (I hate him but she loves him so I was happy to go with her and her fiancé on the night before my birthday) and that’s really all we had been planning, but it was something- and now the tickets fell through so my mom just paid 1000 for two tickets to the same night… for her and her fiancé. Not me. I know it was never about me but she would never spend that money on me- I grew up so poor and staying behind on so many field trips or scrapping the money together myself from summer jobs and photography comissions and now she’s happy and I’m happy for her and everything is good and I’m glad, but god I can’t stop resenting her. Thirty thousand dollars on a barn. That would’ve been the cost of smith . You could’ve paid for me to go to a rebound four year college with a museum and a botanical garden and an anthropology and art history program but you dug your heels in and said we can’t afford it so I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and went to a horrible state school on full tuition waiver for one year and got my BA and had a 3.96 gpa too- and it’s fine. She isn’t obligated to pay for me, I know I sound so entitled because she doesn’t owe me anything at all and I’m successful and I have a job as a teacher in a big city and I make three times as much as my roomates and I don’t need her- but fuck I turn 21 next week and I know that she doesn’t have anything planned. Certainly nothing that costs $1000. I understood no birthday when I was 18 and we had nothing, but you CAN afford to drop that money on Bruce Springsteen tickets now…and I’m still comparing prices on jelly and eating rice and stolen lossed produce from Whole Foods and supergluing my four year old boots back together and wearing the winter coat I got in seventh grade. I feel strange and I don’t know how to articulate it. I hate my birthday. I hate that I’m turning twenty one. I hate that my students will probably make me hand drawn crayons cards on lined paper and they will be the people who put the most effort into anything for me- and I will love them so much, but I want my mom to just fucking try, yk?

[silent-swiftie-ph]

Scribbled ideas

Nov 9, 2022

So doing this random journal again. It’s been awhile since I’ve written or talked to myself. Anyways, lately has been a rollercoaster ride for me. Dad’s bypass operation, my stressful birthday, missing my biggest stan’s “Taylor Swift” album launch, etc.

I dont know if I am for any fandom whatsoever, but as long as I can remember, Ive been a swiftie all throughout my life. I remember first hearing her songs back in 2006/2007, I was just a college student then dreaming of making a dent in this world. You know, I came from one of the top universities here in the Philippines so I was a bit full rather fool of myself.

She went here for her fearless album, but i was dead broke that time. Also, I didn’t have any support “fandom” friends with me. All of my friends are either, so-so with her or just freaking against her. 😂 well, i am still in that shit till now.

Kanye west incident, was angry as hell. I remeber rubbing the topic to my friends even though they didnt like it. I was connecting it to women power and artists equality. Like fellow artist should you know support each other. I know the feeling since I used to write my own songs and play it on my guitar when I was 13 years old. It just so happened that, that dream is something that the society here deemed impossible to achieve.

Red album was released and she also had a schedule here. I was a budding analyst and I was actually in the ticketnet website or whatever looking at the ticket prices fucking 2000 pesos for gen admission. I thought to myself that, damn. I would also need to pass this one. (Though looking back, i should have just used my mom’s credit card and worked my ass off to have it paid).

Fell of the radar for the next years or so… sadly when taylor started having model friends. I’m nowhere near their stature, im fat, im nerdy, im boyish, and im a geek. How on earth could I connect with them? Though, id still be looking back and forth from afar, this is also the time I had a gf, but unfortunately she doesnt like taylor as well. I’m bisexual by the way.

When 1989 came out, i was secretly wishing for a concert here in Manila. I really wanted to bring my then gf there and introduce taylor to her. But it didn’t happen. 😔

It was also the time that taylor was with KK, and a bunch of hotties like calvin, tom, alwyn. And I was like. “Whoaw, mom your so active all around the place. I will never ever be able to reach you.” Well I was secretly rooting/shipping kaylor because I was also in that phase during that time frame 🥲🫠

Fast forward to reputation, damn that album blew me away. It was my break up album. Well, not necessary that it’s a break-up album but I was listening to it endlessly to numb myself. I was eyeing to watch it in US coz I was supposed to go there in that certain tour dates for my business trip. Lo and behold, my business trip was rescheduled and what I did was just to visit an empty stadium and try to breathe in the essense of whatever is left in there. Hahahaha

Lovers is a mixed album for me. I mean I love it but confuses me all the time. I am no decypher queen type of fan. I think im just a creative and intellectual one. Its a declaration of love but im feeling a sense of lgbtq+ vibes to it. Tbh, i really thought Taylor was going to out herself. Hahahaha. Well, i dint care about that but lol, it was just my thought.

Miss Americana!!! This one blew me out. Personally, i have been an activist in all of my social media accounts. As I said earlier, i graduated from one of the top university here in our country and it is also a national university, so technically i have been programmed to think radically against any form of facism, unequality, racism, genderlect and everything. This film blew me away. It rekindled my connection with Taylor. I was so proud of her. I always thought her as someone who is a rockstar but not an activist. Well there are some hardcore feminist lines in her song but as a fellow feminist and activist, this really like “Mom, please hug me. I wanna be with you again” moment.

I was so sure that i will see Taylor but pandemic happened. I was a holy fucking mess. I was able to get into folklore, but damn i was a ghost for like evermore, fearless, red, and sadly midnight (which i am catching up), honestly, midnight released me from my voidness. It pulled me again here in this world. Everyone’s telling that this a dark album, but i actually dont care. I can relate to this. It’s like telling me that hey, there is this patriarchal shit going on, anxieties, over thinking, tunnel vision shits that fell through, but you will still be here. Live the hell that you want, even with a blood stained dress, love the hell that you want even you dont want to marry, forgive yourself for being the anti-hero, forgive that kid. Forgive that kid, let this all loose and celebrate, live, you’re on your own, kid. Your gonna be fine.

Always.

PS please be here in Manila. I believe I’ve saved enough to get VVIP ticket. HAHAHAHA But srsly, i wanna thank you so much Ms Swift

@taylorswift

[sultryvodka]

So I was wondering if I could request William from Moriarty. You can choose if you want it to be headcanons or a scenario. I don't mind either. 🥰🥰 But, basically Reader and William are in a relationship. However she has never seen William mad or express a lot of emotions. (Nevertheless he's always been a kind significant other.) So she decides that today she was going to tease him and try to get a rise out of him. Thus she does. Which William at these teases just sort of smirks. (Although there's a dark glint behind his eyes). At the end of the day when Reader and William are about to go to bed, as soon as the door closes.. Reader is in for some "Punishment".

So needless to say it's a but NSFWish. Feel free to decide on any k*nks and things related too! Of course if it makes you uncomfortable feel free to ignore it. 🥰

aHhh finally a spoicy request, i'm surprised the first one i received is for none other than william moriarty. man i just LOVE this show so much. alright enough chit-chat, let's get on with this, shall we?

dom! william james moriarty x bratty/sub! fem reader

warnings: smut, fingering, profanity, oral sex, degradation, consensual sex, & orgasm control

[ established relationship ]

- you and william have been an item for a good 6 months now, you've known each other since both him and louis were still part of the orphanage. you happen to be the silent type, much like his younger brother.

- as a toddler, you've silently observed william and louis from a distance, finding yourself quite interested in whatever they talked about.

- william had always been quite the cunning man and it still holds to this day, 24 years of age without a wrinkle insight. during the times you spent with him as a curious 6 year old, his facade doesn't shift unless his brother is involved.

- over the period that william was out of reach, you happen to go about your own simple life and managed to become a teacher at the local kindergarten. your free period spent around the walls of the orphanage.

- one faithful day, the moriarty brothers paid a surprise visit, offering to shoulder the school fees and monthly allowance. you were beyond grateful and william found himself coming every weekend just to see you.

- he wouldn't miss coming by until he eventually offered you to stay inside their manor. he figured it would save you from the trouble of ticket fees from the village your place used to be. little by little he told you about his plans, afraid you might run away from him.

- but you knew him well enough and nothing would push you away from him.

- william took his time with you, taking you out on proper dates and you enjoyed it. he was nothing but kind, sweet, and respectful towards you. that was until this evening.

- it was all because of your sneaky scheme of trying to get a rise out of him. william had to teach at the university today, you told him that you'll behave yourself and simply pretend like you're one of his students.

- you didn't stay true to your words though. teasing him slightly as you shift in your seat, rubbing your thighs and chewing on your bottom lip. you both held eye contact very well but william kept his attention on everything and everyone else but you.

- to your disappointment, your lover didn't pay you the attention you craved for. not until you finished supper and headed to your respective quarters.

!! nsfw, 18+ !!

" you look disappointed, my darling. have i done something wrong? " william whispers softly as he held you from behind, one arm around your waist as the other caresses your neck. you can feel him smirk as he trails open-mouthed kisses unto the exposed skin of your back. hearing your sweet little whimpers made him sigh as your clothed ass rubs against his hardened cock. a deep chuckle follows as he guides your body to face him, hands tangled with the laces that held your dress perfectly tight against the curves of your body.

you look up at him through your lust-blown eyes and heavy eyelids, pleading him to touch every part of your body for the relief you've been aching for. he presses a kiss on your cheek, whispering reassurances as he rids you of your clothes. once your dress falls off to the ground, his hands found your body. warm hands in contrast to that of the cold sea breeze from the small gaps on the windows. your hands found his cheeks as he slipped his tongue between your lips, sucking and tasting every bit of your mouth. yes it was sloppy but every movement of his ignited the warmth inside your chest and your dripping cunt.

" Liam, please. " you begged through your pants, pulling his hand to slip inside your soaked panties. a moan escapes his and your lips as two of his fingers easily slipped inside your pulsating lips. you've never seen william with a creased forehead and ragged breathing. he looked so hot with sweat dripping down his forehead. his eyes finally met yours, but the glint of his eyes were feral and angry. " Look at you begging like a pathetic little bitch. I would have never imagined that a sweet girl like you could beg this desperately. Huh? What was that --- fuck! Look at you choke on your own words. Be a good girl and keep those moans to yourself. " you bit down on your lip as william began slamming his fingers into your wet pussy. those words coming from his mouth sent you close to your orgasm. but you want to be his good girls so you held both your moans and your climax.

he watches as you squirm and held unto his arm as he curls his fingers, hitting just the right spot to push you over the edge. his red eyes peering over your pathetic irises as he mercilessly pull his fingers all the way out. the grin on his face made you tremble with arousal. " Go on doll, tell me what you want me to do. "

" Please sir, make me cum on your fingers. "

william smirks at your words, satisfied with the response you gave him, he bent down and licked at your throbbing clit before pushing his fingers back in. " Go on princess, beg for me. " you screamed for his mercy, wanting to reach your climax like the greedy woman you are. his fingers curled, reaching the sensitive flesh as he peppered small kisses unto your glistening cunt. only pulling away as your juices coated his hand. he chuckles, soothing your quivering thighs as he pushed his digits into your mouth. " Clean them up for me, my love. I'm not done with you just yet. "

well that was quite... 👀🤌 something. anyway it's my first timing posting, let alone finish a proper smut scene. let me know if i missed any warnings and i sincerely apologize for any mistakes grammar & spelling wise. i want to post at least more than twice a week so i'll work on my other requests in the morning. i hope you guys liked it! feel free to send in your requests and comment down any suggestions and creative criticism. i would love to work on my writing for both you guys & myself. ♡ have good day/night!

#moriarty the patriot headcanons #william moriarty #william moriarty x reader #william moriarty smut #william james moriarty #william james moriarty x reader #yuukoku no moriarty #william james moriarty smut #🌸☁️works

[moronic-validity]

First Date (Kinda)- Billy Lenz

Note: Okay so like I patterned Billy’s speech after my own when I’m manic. I know it isn’t perfect to the character, but I wasn’t sure how else to do it...

There are also a lot of time jumps...

Warnings: uhhh interesting parenting choices, interesting life choices, threats of murder....accidental nearly 2k fic. 

The sorority moved out in a hurry after the murders and the school would not allow any students live there. The chances it would happen again were low, but not zero. Putting students back in that house would look bad.

The house went on the market fully furnished and your family got it for a steal, for cheaper than international tuition and four years of on campus housing. Their only rule for the house was that you paid the utilities and for any repairs, other than that, good luck in Canada.

Everything was fine for the first few months, classes went well enough. November came and went, and suddenly it was December. You knew the history of the house so you were a bit gun-shy to put up decorations.

Then the phone calls started.

Pretty piggy this, Billy that, something about your cunt mixed in. You rolled your eyes.

“Hey dude, I know the transcripts are like public info now or whatever, but please get some original content,” and with that, you hung up on him.

The next call was heavy breathing. Your eyes hit the back of your skull and you decided to pant into the phone as a reply before hanging up.

Call three was the one that got your attention. The caller was silent and you were near certain the line went dead.

“I’m going to kill you.”

You blinked a few times, processing the information. It wasn’t the fact he told you he was going to kill you with a level of certainty reserved for phrases like ‘2+2=4’. It was the fact that despite the phone damn near back on the receiver, you heard him loud and clear.

He was in the house.

You cursed yourself up and down for moving into the stupid house. You cursed yourself twice over for not checking all the locks.

You could’ve run, but you had drawn the conclusion that he was close enough to nix that. You also knew he was close enough to hear it if you tried calling the police, and you knew they wouldn’t make it in time anyway.  Instead you calmly picked up the phone and clicked redial then call.

A phone rang upstairs.

Billy wasn’t expecting his phone to ring. He stared at the Nokia in his hand. He called people; people didn’t call him.

Then it stopped ringing.

“Billy?” You asked cautiously, remembering his name from the earlier, expletive filled rant. You took his silence as confirmation, “Billy, I know you’re upstairs.”

Billy shuffled in place. He wasn’t used to this, not at all.

“Hey,” you said, snapping him back to the one-sided confirmation, “it’s colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra, I have plenty of blankets down here. I’m going to put some of them on the stairs, then I’m going to make myself some adult hot chocolate. If you’re going to kill me, could you wait until I’m drunk?” You hung up the phone and, as you told Billy you would, placed a few thicker blankets on the stairs. You walked into the kitchen and filled a mug with water and popped it in the microwave.

You pulled out your phone and sent a few texts to your parents, wishing them a merry Christmas and letting them know that you regret not spending the money for a plane ticket home. You felt the tears well up. God, these were going to be your final words. Nothing overly profound, just a wish to be back in your childhood home.

The microwave beeped and you wiped the tears out of your eyes. You added the powdered hot chocolate mix and turned around to grab your bottle of vanilla vodka. You were met with a fairly lanky man standing a bit too close for comfort.

The only thing in the situation that brought you peace was that he couldn’t hurt you while his hands were occupied, focused on keeping your grey blanket wrapped around his shoulders.  

You two stared at each other for a moment or two before he broke the silence.

“Want some,” he nodded at the hot chocolate in your hands.

You stared at him a second longer before nodding.

“Want vodka in yours?” You asked. He shook his head no, like a dog trying to dry itself.

You filled a second mug with water and heated it up the same way you did yours. The second you had it in the microwave, you turned back to face the stranger at your table.

“So..” you started, watching him tap his foot, twiddle his thumbs, and periodically twitch, “are you still planning on killing me?”

“No no no, Bibibilly,” he took a deep breath and started over, “No, Billy isn’t goigoing to kill you.” He went back to paying attention to his thumbs.

You nodded slowly, unsure if you believed him or not. The microwave beeped and you took his mug out, quickly mixing him a normal hot chocolate. You pulled some whipped cream from the fridge and sprayed a generous amount onto his drink then placed it on the counter in front of him. You thought about it, decided to forgo the alcohol, and grant yourself a generous amount of whipped cream as well.

You turned back to him after fixing your drink, only to find him gone with your mug.

You knew you probably wouldn’t be sleeping, but for some reason, you also couldn’t bring yourself to call the cops. Your therapist was going to be thera-pissed when/if you told her.

Billy was perched at the top of the stairs, sipping the drink you made him. He wasn’t sure when he decided he wouldn’t kill you, but he wasn’t going to. He adjusted the blanket, your blanket, around his shoulders. He flipped open his phone and called you.

“Yes Billy?” you answered the phone.

He was breathing heavily into the phone, then mumbled a single word. Stairs. Then he hung up the phone.

You walked to the bottom of the stairs and saw where he had set down the now empty mug. You smiled to yourself.

Billy lived in your house for weeks. You only knew he was there when he would call you with single word requests. They ranged from requests for blankets to trying to bargain with you for hot chocolate.

Late January, you decided to set up a bedroom for your ‘roommate’. There were plenty of rooms and you didn’t want him getting sick in the attic and then giving it to you when you two did see each other.

Billy’s phone rang once before he picked it up.

“Come on downstairs,” you told him, not waiting for a response before hanging up.

He padded down the stairs, wearing one of your sweatshirts that you thought went missing out of the wash. He rounded the corner, down one of the hallways filled with rooms. That’s where he saw you, shifting foot to foot, clearly excited about something.

He looked into the room and saw the bed was made, a mug on the dresser, and a pillow -one he recognized from your own bed- laying at the head of this other one.

“It’s for you,” you explained, doing another grand sweeping motion. “I don’t want you sleeping in the attic anymore, it’s too cold up there, you’ll catch your death and give it to me.”  

Billy was frozen in place. He wasn’t sure how to process this one. He looked from the bed to you, then back to the bed, then locked his eyes on you again, trying to read your mind.

You tried to read the look on Billy’s face. He was squinting at you like he was trying to work all of this out. Then he latched onto you, hugging you tighter than was comfortable. You accepted his affection and wrapped your arms around him.

Once he let go, he started rambling through different expletives and went to explore his new room. You leaned against his door frame and watched.  

The rest of January went, Billy proved to actually be a solid roommate, often doing the dishes or sweeping when you were in class.

You came home in a horrible mood February 13th, it wasn’t like you had a partner to celebrate Valentine’s Day with, but it didn’t stop you from being pissed that you would be spending it alone with Netflix.

Whatever, it’s some commercial bullshit holiday to convince people to spend money for no good fucking reason.

As pissed as you were, you were careful not to slam and doors, well aware that it had a tendency to throw Billy into a spiral.

Billy watched you come in and he could feel the frustration radiating off of you.

You flashed him an unconvincing smile, then walked into your room and shut the door.

Billy did not like that one bit. He went into the kitchen and mirrored your motions from the night you two met, making hot chocolate with plenty of whipped cream. He carried the two mugs to your room and knocked on the door with his foot.

You opened the door and the first thing he noticed was that your eyes were red. You had been crying. Billy was always more used to loud and violent anger, but yours was quiet and you did your best to keep it to yourself. You turned around and sat cross-legged at the head of your bed, clutching a pillow.

He set the drinks down on the dresser and sat across from you on your bed, mirroring your position.

“is [y/n] okay?” he asked, probably louder than he meant to.

You sat silently before bursting into tears and rambling all of your problems to him. He sat and listened, fidgeting every few seconds, but that was more than normal for him.

He did his best to pay attention and he understood that it was less about being lonely and more about feeling alone.

He got up off the bed and brought you the drink he made and put the mug into your hands. You stopped talking and took a long drink of the now lukewarm hot chocolate.

He watched you drink intently, tapping the sides of his own mug.

“Thank you” you set the drink down on the cluttered table next to your bed and you leaned against him, resting your head on his hunched shoulder.

#Billy lenz #billy lenz x reader #billy lenz x you #black christmas 1974 #Black christmas #billy lenz fic #slasher fan #slasher fandom #slasher fucker #slasher fic #slasher fanfic #slashers #horror movie #Horror fandom #horror fan #fanfic #fanfiction #theo's thoughts #Teddy Talks

[char-lotteral]

Ticket Booth

Great. Just what she needed.

Amity being stood up on her blind date.

Again.

"This is just ridiculous." She sighs to herself, impatiently alternating between checking her phone and the watch on her wrist just to avoid human confrontation from any passersby on the street.

I mean, is she surprised? Not really. Did she hope it would turn out different? Kinda

Not like this was the first time Ed and Em had set her up on another blind date. You should head out more! Meet new people, get a change of environment!

New people, my ass. If ever she gets a chance to meet these said new people, that is.

Amity checks her phone again with a big bright 8:10 PM, humiliating her at every passing second. Tick, tick, tick. There's that sound of that unnecessarily large wall clock hung in front of the movie theaters, more people arriving in front of the ticket booth, hands interlaced and smiles all warm and happy, and goddammit; her date was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago!

The wind's gotten colder, the theaters getting overcrowded, her feet hurt from standing too much, and in attempt to hide herself from the sad, despicable, cynical reality of it all, she huddles herself inside her massive winter cloak, tendrils of bubblegum hair sticking out from the side of her hoodie.

Why God, why did she agree to go to this?!

"Are you waiting for someone?"

Snapping out of her thoughts, Amity whips her attention towards the (cute) lady behind the ticket booth. Not one for initiating conversations, she coughs to suppress her shyness and answers, "Uh y-yeah. I have a um, a date. I'm waiting for them."

The lady behind the ticket booth smiles this really cute smile of hers and suddenly Amity has forgotten her name altogether. "You know, I don't wanna sound rude or anything, but the movie starts at exactly 8:15. And I don't think you'll be able to see it if you're gonna be out here, freezing in the cold."

She laughs tucking a hair behind her ear. "Yeah well, this isn't my first time being stood up so I guess I'm used to it at this point."

"Wait, you're being stood up?"

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now she thinks you're some hopeless romantic.

Shaking her head frantically, she manages to salvage herself from this stranger that she has a sudden urge to impress all of a sudden. "W-What? No! I meant my date was um busy and they texted me too late, so I guess I am kinda freezing my ass off outside the movie theater. But not because I was waiting for them the entire evening! I-I have better things to do than um..."

Being stood up by my blind date who hasn't even met me! Crap, maybe I am the problem?

"Better things to do like stand outside in the freezing cold?"

Her eyes dart towards the ticket lady who no doubt is feeling sympathetic for her pathetic ass and as she does, there's still that smile of hers etched on her face, looking down at her with some sympathy but she doesn't mind, she likes how she's looking at her. Had she already mentioned she thought she was cute?

"O-Or that." Amity answers pathetically, chuckling at the absurdity of it all.

"Tell you what," The lady in the booth begins. "Maybe I can refund you for the tickets? I won't tell my boss or anything, they'll be fine with it."

Ticket lady was being awfully nice to her, which was strange because most strangers usually had a fight or flight response whenever they saw Amity talking to them, probably because of her intimidating aura, which she doesn't really blame them for. This cute ticket lady on the other hand, was a whole different story.

"Oh no, my sister's already paid for the tickets online, plus I don't think these two tickets are refundable so um, I guess I'll just have to watch this movie alone or maybe sell my ticket to someone who actually has a date." She giggles again, internally sorry for her own situation.

The cute ticket lady pauses for a second, attention a bit distant and elbows perched above her desk. Amity debates with herself whether or not she should just say fuck it and watch the movies alone, at least until ticket lady finally looks up and meets her eye to eye. And woah, she never knew eyes could look that brown.

"Hey, how about I watch it with ya?"

... What?

"What?" She parrots her thoughts. I'm sorry did she hear that right?

The lady smiles even wider, eyes pinched from the apples of her cheeks and a smile so bright, it could rival the stars above them. "You heard me. I wanna watch it with you!"

"You wanna... watch it with me?"

" 'Course I would. That is, if you'll allow me? I promise I'll pay for the tickets, I'm not scamming you or something."

"Oh um, can I ask why?"

The lady laughs again, oblivious to the damage she's been doing to Amity's poor stomach. Butterflies seemed like a stupid analogy, it was like the entire zoo came in to visit. "I can't let a pretty girl walk inside that movie theater all alone. There might be some serial killers inside there."

Oh.

Well, this turned out to be the best possible scenario she could come up with.

Pretty girl? Her?

This night just keeps getting better and better.

Feeling uncharacteristically playful, she refutes back, cheeks ablaze by the little compliment. "And how do I know that you're not a serial killer, plotting to bury my body?"

Her eyes are squinting from absolute mirth, clearly not expecting her to reply back. "I can prove to you that I am not, in fact, a serial killer by politely introducing myself. "Luz Noceda. College student by day, billionaire philanthropist by night."

"By billionaire philanthropist, do you mean ticket booth manager? Because I think both are equally badass."

Luz shrugs, unfazed. "Eh, its hard living the double life. I have to keep my identity hidden so no one assassinates me in broad daylight."

Simultaneously, they both laugh at their dumb topic, and Amity has never felt this alight with another person before. Her chest feels tighter, her cheeks hurt from smiling so much and she thinks that maybe, just maybe, this night might not be as bad as she initially thought it would be.

"So, have I proven myself worthy? Can I watch it with you?" Luz is practically bouncing on her feet, tail wagging like a retriever waiting for her treat. She looks so damn adorable behind the ticket booth that Amity's heart threatens to jump out of her throat and melt right in front of her.

So what if a cute girl wants to watch a movie with you? Big deal! It's not like she's asking for your hand in marriage. It's not like it's a date or anything.

Oh God, is it a date?! Oh no, no, no. What has she gotten herself into?!

What if she says yes and embarrasses herself right in front of her? They barely even know each other! They don't know each other at all! What if this really, really cute girl doesn't actually like her and is just doing this out of pity and turns out they'll never see each other again, and, and—

"Hey, earth to bubblegum, I'm still here. In case, you forgot. I don't wanna be all rude or anything—"

"N-No!" Amity cuts her off so quickly, she's on the verge of a panic attack. "You can watch it with me! We can watch it t-together! I'd l-love to!"

Smooth move Blight, smooth move.

Her words seemed to be enough to calm Luz down and she feels like she has God to personally thank for for that beautiful smile of hers. Honestly, how can one smile like that? It's that type of smile that could brighten an entire room or the physical embodiment of joy, youth and everything else good in the world.

"Wait, but what about the ticket booth? Are you allowed to leave it alone?" Concerned, Amity asks Luz as she walks out of the booth.

"Nah, Eda won't mind. I think. I-I'll be back before she even notices I'm gone. Won't be a problem! Hopefully." Taking off her cap, Luz locks the door behind her, tucking the key safely in her pocket. She looks back at Amity, eyes gleaming from the adventure of it all. Eyes that remind her of chestnut and coffee on a cold, serene morn. And a low, pixie cut to tie it all together.

Luz hands out her palm, anticipation and adrenaline coursing through her, she's smiling that sunny smile of hers again, cheeks flushed and hair a mess from the stuffy cap and Amity thinks to herself again that wow, she really is cute.

"You ready?"

Two words, two simple words from a stranger she's never even met before. What would Ed and Em think if they saw her right now, watching movies with a random girl she doesn't even know? Her instincts are telling her to go, leave, maybe find another night to watch the movies, you can pay for the tickets another day, you barely even know this person!

But when Amity finally looks up from her hand to those chestnut eyes and that smile of pure unabashed warmth, she's made her decision.

She's positive that her cheeks are the brightest shade of red, practically glowing under the cheap porch light, but if she squints, just enough, the same shade of red are on Luz's cheeks too, flushed and cherry red, just as she was. Nervous albeit excited, just as she was.

"I thought you'd never ask."

#lumity #the owl house #lumity fanfiction #amity blight #luz noceda #modern college au #hey hey hey lookie its my first lumity fanfic

[muse539]

Here We Lie in the Shadows

Chapter Three: BLT’s

Read on ao3!

....

Bellamy startled awake at the sound of a car horn being held for just slightly too long.

“Oh, fuck you too, buddy!” Clarke swore.

The bridge over the Mississippi River into St. Louis was busy, even so early in the morning.

“What time is it?” Bellamy asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The sky was dark.

“A little past two. I pulled over at a rest stop for a while to sleep.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows creased. “You could have woken me up, I would have driven.”

Clarke waved a hand dismissively, and began to merge off of the highway, the iconic arch to their right.

“I thought we were going to drive straight to LA?”

Clarke followed signs for the convention center, the smaller streets dark and quiet.

“I’m hoping Echo thinks that too. We’re better off driving only at night, and I have a friend who I’d like to talk to while we’re here.”

Eventually, Clarke pulled off of the street and into the parking garage next to a small hotel. Grabbing their meagre belongings and printing a ticket that promised parking would be entirely too expensive, they went inside.

The hotel was modest, but nice, and the man occupying the desk eyed them dubiously, no doubt surprised to see people coming in so late. Or early.

“We’d like a room, please.”

The man eyed them up and down. Bellamy could imagine they both looked worse for wear, in practically stolen clothes and only having slept for a few hours in a car. All after almost being blown up.

Bellamy was sure they looked the epitome of perfection and grace. Not. Internally, he snorted.

Regardless, the man turned to his computer and pulled up the available rooms. “One room or two?” he asked.

“Just one, thank you. One bed.” Clarke’s voice was polite, but her eyes suggested an intense impatience.

Bellamy’s eyes widened slightly before he remembered to school his expression. Clarke paid the man in cash, and within a few minutes, they had their keys and were making their way to the elevators.

Once they were inside and the doors rolled closed, Bellamy turned to Clarke. “Why did you-”

“Shhhh.”

Bellamy shut up and followed Clarke when the doors opened. It was only once they were inside their room - with the single bed - that Clarke turned to Bellamy.

“The wait staff at Arcadia thought you were waiting for your wife. If Echo did her homework, she knows that. It’s as easy of a cover to maintain as any. We’re certainly not related.”

This time, Bellamy snorted externally. Clarke’s lips lifted in a small smile. “Okay, fine. You take the bed then, you’ve barely slept.”

Clarke laughed then. “Bellamy, I think we’re mature enough to share the bed. You’re not scared of your wife, are you?”

That tore a laugh out of him. “No, I suppose not.” They smiled at each other. “Seriously though, go to sleep. I want to shower anyway.”

Shrugging, Clarke turned to the bed and opened her duffle bag. Bellamy slipped into the bathroom.

---

Clarke was asleep by the time Bellamy finished his shower. He’d forgotten to pack his razor, which was upsetting to him. He’d never had much luck pulling off facial hair, but he supposed it would make him look different. Maybe different enough to throw off their presumed tail.

Bellamy was musing over this as he made his way to the small desk in the room. Since Clarke was asleep, now was the perfect time to work on his Michelin reports.

Let’s give Arcadia that third star.

---

Clarke always rose with the sun, no matter how little sleep she’d gotten. Once, at Miller’s suggestion, she’d gotten drunk the night before, to see if she'd sleep later. In the end, she’d actually woken up earlier than normal.

It was a curse.

Clarke rolled over and saw that the other side of the bed was made, Bellamy sitting at the little table by the window. The curtains were open, and he was watching the sun rise.

Clarke was decidedly not admiring his profile.

“Did you sleep at all?” He was in his pajamas, but they didn’t look slept in.

“Hmm?” Bellamy turned to her, blinking slowly. “Ah, no. I wasn’t tired. I am hungry though. Breakfast?”

Clarke rose onto her forearms. Bellamy’s eyes briefly traced the way her hair flowed down her back. “Sure. We can order room service.”

Bellamy grunted like the idea offended him personally. Which it did. “Room service? Oh no, no. We’re in St. Louis! There are so many great options here, we’re not ordering room service.”

Clarke’s eyes rolled up to the ceiling. Great. I’m stuck with a foodie with no regard for his own safety. “Bellamy. Have you forgotten that there are people, at the very least, Echo, likely following us? And that those people blew up a restaurant the last time we were at one?”

He scoffed. “Of course I remember, Princess . We’ll keep it low profile. Obviously.”

If the NSA has taught her anything, it’s when to pick her battles. Bellamy’s posture told Clarke all she needed to know: he was not budging. She sighed. “Fine.”

“Great!”

---

They passed multiple restaurants while they walked before finding one that didn’t offend Bellamy’s apparently delicate sensibilities. Clarke made sure to let him know that she thought he was being ridiculous.

“Hey!” he laughed, her jibes were nothing compared to Octavia’s. “I don’t know when I’m ever going to get to be in St. Louis again, I want to enjoy it.”

They (meaning Bellamy) settled on a restaurant called BLT’s. Not the sandwich, no no, but rather “Breakfast, Lunch, and Tacos.”

“It’s such an interesting concept!” Bellamy was practically buzzing with excitement, curls jumping with each quick turn of his head; Clarke was barely holding back laughter. Bellamy ordered a chorizo and egg taco, as well as a sunrise taco, while Clarke ordered a veggie scramble.

“Come on, Clarke. Not even a taco? It’s in the name!”

“So is the word breakfast, Bellamy.” He scoffed.

When the food arrived, Bellamy pulled out some of his papers from the backpack he carried.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked.

“Grading.” Bellamy pushed a paper towards her. It appeared to be a history report written by a student that didn’t understand punctuation.

“Yikes.”

“You have no idea.”

Of course, what Clarke didn’t know was that Bellamy had a small notebook open under the table, and while he appeared to be reading his student’s papers, he was actually writing a critique on the tacos.

The chorizo has a good amount of spice, but the taco itself is a little dry, despite the pepper jack cheese. What the taco could really use is a small amount of salsa…

When they finished eating, and Bellamy gave the offending paper he showed to Clarke a C-, they walked back to the hotel.

When their door closed, Clarke pulled out her phone. It was a burner that Harper gave her before they left Chicago. She dialed a number and held it up to her ear, holding out a finger before Bellamy could ask what she was doing.

Thankfully, he picked up. “Hello?”

“Murphy, are you in town?”

“Clarke? What the shit, Griffin, I’ve been trying to reach you for weeks now!”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m on the run, you know how it is.”

“I do know how it is, which is why you should have picked up your fucking phone!”

“Lay off Murphy. Are you in town or not?”

“You’re in St. Louis? Why?”

“Murphy.”

“Fuck you. No, I’m not in St. Louis. I’m in Oklahoma City on an assignment. At the sister branch.”

“Well, I need to talk to you.”

“And I need to talk to you. When can you get here?”

Clarke scoffed. “Get there? Murphy, I’m on the run, with a civilian no less. I don’t have time to be making detours!”

“You have time for this one. Get here.” He hung up.

“That absolute bastard.”

Bellamy blinked at her, wide eyed. “Who was that?”

“John Murphy, another NSA operative. He’s a friend.”

“Some friend.”

Clarke shrugged.

Looking like he was about to poke a bear, Bellamy asked, “Clarke, why do you do this?”

“Do what?”

“The NSA.”

Clarke regarded him for a moment. He had sat down in the chair he’d occupied that morning, Clarke had perched on the end of the bed. His eyes were kind, and he seemed sincere, even if Clarke suspected he was hiding something. Not that she had any proof, but she can’t imagine why else he would have so easily gone along with playing her husband. That alone was far from normal behavior. But, she had no reason to hide at this point. He already knew too much for an apparent civilian, knowing her tragic backstory wouldn’t make him any more dangerous.

“My father was murdered when I was 14, and they never found the killer.”

Bellamy grew quiet, dark eyes widening.

“When I was younger, I wanted to be an artist, but when Dad got killed, I just wanted to figure out who did it. The case is long cold now - it’s been over 10 years - but while I can’t help my Dad, I can help other people. Stop other tragedies from happening. The government is so corrupt. I figure, by inserting myself into that narrative, I can help make things a little better.”

“I’m so sorry, Clarke.” His gruff voice was gentle.

She smiled weakly. “It’s okay.”

They sat in silence for a moment. Clarke cleared her throat. “Well, we shouldn’t drive during daylight hours, and we also shouldn’t wander around the city. So, I don’t know about you, but I’m going back to sleep.”

In the end, they traded off taking naps until early evening. By then. Bellamy’s stomach was making some truly obscene noises.

“I’ll go to the corner store and get us some food.”

“Bellamy, we really shouldn’t be going out - even this morning was a mistake.”

He huffed. “Well, I’m not going to eat fast food. So unless you’d like me to eat you, Princess, I’m going to get something from the corner store.” Bellamy flushed scarlet when his brain caught up with his words. He hoped Clarke didn’t notice.

She noticed. But, feeling gracious, she elected to ignore it. “It’s still a bad idea. With Echo tailing us-”

“Echo’s been tailing you, not me. She maybe got a glimpse of me in the restaurant, but I looked different. She’s not going to notice me.”

Clarke looked as though she was in pain, but she sighed. “Okay. Be quick, alright? If you’re not back in half an hour, I’m going to assume you were compromised, and I will leave without you.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“See you in half an hour then.”

---

Echo watched as the man traveling with Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake, walked into the corner store. He had a two day old scruff, but that did little to disguise the large man loping through the streets of St. Louis.

Echo could confront him, and demand that he take her back to Clarke, but Echo suspected that this man may be strong willed. She didn’t believe he would go easily, but he didn’t need to. Echo was content, for now, to keep following them, keeping her distance.

---

Bellamy made it back to the hotel room with time to spare, weighed down with multiple bags of food. He didn’t like that he was being forced to live on convenience foods, but, he reminded himself, even this was a step up from what he and Octavia had to eat as children. Namely, that he had anything to eat at all.

Clarke had already packed their bags by the time he returned, the sun slowly setting over the city. “It’s time to go,” she said, thrusting his bag into his arms. They made their way towards the parking garage.

Before setting out, Clarke opened the trunk and pulled out a license plate. She then swapped it with the plate that was already on the car.

“I suppose that’s better than grand theft auto.”

Clarke snorted. “That’s for the next town. For now, the plates are fine.”

Bellamy wasn’t sure if she was kidding. Clarke’s eyes said that she wasn’t.

And they were off.

As they turned onto the highway, Bellamy spoke. “Why did you save me?”

The when and where went without saying.

Clarke was quiet for a moment. “Would you have rather I left you?”

“You might not be in this mess if you had.”

Clarke was silent, waiting for an answer. She had wondered herself. It was true that things might not have gotten so crazy had she left Bellamy, but she also likely wouldn’t have deciphered Octavia’s note as quickly without him. And it was… nice. To have the company.

Eventually, Bellamy sighed. “No, I don’t wish you had left me. I probably would have died if you did.” Echo would have thought Bellamy was Agent Blake regardless of if he left with Clarke that night. “But, still, why did you? You were upset when you realized I wasn’t Agent Blake, but you had me come with you anyway.”

Again, Clarke was quiet. Bellamy counted to twenty before she said, “I’m tired of the death.”

What she didn’t say was that Clarke has likely condemned Bellamy to death anyway. He’s right, Echo probably would have killed him if I left him behind, but now he’s involved. Now Echo will kill him, if we get caught.

They were mostly quiet for the rest of the drive, Bellamy dosing until he saw Clarke’s eyes begin to droop. He insisted on driving the rest of the way.

They rolled up to a motel on the outskirts of Oklahoma City at 4 am. Paying in cash, they again got a room with one bed.

Clarke glanced at Bellamy. “Get some sleep.”

“Why?” Bellamy asked.

“It’s best to be as rested as possible when dealing with John Murphy.”

#writing #bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #echo #john murphy #the 100 #tw swearing #here we lie in the shadows

[shannygoatgruff]

My Brother’s Keeper - Chapter XX

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Modern Ivar X Modern Hvitserk

Rating: MA+18

Overall Warning:  Dark story told from an emotionally distributed person’s POV with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, kidnapping, drug use, slash, implied incest, necrophilia, and insecurity. Heavy trigger warnings.

Chapter Warning: Talks of psychological torture.

A/N: You did it! You made it to the home stretch! Congrats! I hope you like the last chapter. It’s a little long, but hopefully, well worth it.

This story is dedicated to @youbloodymadgenius​s and @ivarthebloodyking. You guys have stuck with me through the beginning with this thing. 

Chapter XX

The unsettling guitar riffs of The Widow by The Mars Volta pour out of my earbuds – it’s like I can hear it, but it’s hard to pay much attention. Maybe if I could get out of my head long enough to concentrate on something else, I might actually enjoy listening to this song again. It’s one of my favorites.

Right now, though, it’s like I’m on sensory overload. There’s so much I want to see, do, and hear all at the same time but, I’m having a hard time focusing on just one thing. Being back here isn’t helping any; that’s for sure. Especially, not this many memories. It’s been years, but everything’s just the way I remember. Seeing as how some of the shit we tucked away here and there is still in tacked, no one’s ever found this place. 

Taking in a deep breath, I cough immediately from the smell of mold and dust. The hole in the roof did nothing to arrogate the building throughout the years. Making my way to the window to force clean air in here, I stop at the memory. The window. Ivar kicked it in for me the day he first brought me here. The broken glass still decorates the windowsill and the outline of his boot is still here. It's like he never left.

God, I miss him.

I swear that it feels like if I were to close my eyes right now and open them again he'd be standing here smiling at me. But I know the truth. The truth is, if I close my eyes and open them, I'll be standing in the middle of a broken-down cabin… alone. 

I knew the memories would come flooding back if I came here, but I couldn't help it. It's just that I miss him so much lately. I guess I just needed to feel close to him again. For so long Ivar was my everything. He was so much more than my baby brother; he was my best friend, my companion…my soul mate.

Now, I just want to know why he left me. He didn't even say goodbye. I waited. God, I waited for so long, hoping, praying…needing him to save me. But, he didn't. It’s a crock of shit that time heals all wounds, because for five years I’ve been broken inside and all I can do is ask the same damn question: Why didn't he ever come back for me? He promised me that it would always be me and him against the world, but he lied. He told me he would never leave me, but he did just that. I don't understand.

I still don't even remember how I ended up there. I know there was a trial - they put me in a tight blue suit and an ugly paisley tie. I sat next to this crackpot public defender wondering when it was going to be over. I think his name was Harrow, or Harald, or something like that. He had big ass, square, donkey-looking teeth, and was always smiling. He never talked to me. I think we sat next to each other a dozen times on those hard-ass chairs and he never once said a word to me.

Hell, even that detective that Judith bitch had interviewed on the news, Torstein, I think his name was, talked to me. He told me they were going get me help. I didn't know what in the hell he was talking about, but at least he said something to me. All I knew was I didn’t need their help, I needed my brother.

Even Dr. Lagertha talked to me and I hate her. Every time they would show pictures, there would be gasps and screams, she would come over to me, rub my shoulders and tell me that everything was going to be fine. She got them to let me stay in a break room when the screaming got to be too loud. I don't like screaming and there was plenty in that place. And as much as I hate Lagertha, she kept them away from me. She was there for me. Well, at least I thought she was. But it was fake. All of it.

She didn't care about me. She lied, too. She told me she would never hurt me, but she sat in front of everyone and she lied. She said that I did all of these horrible things to people. All the shit that Ivar did, she blamed on me. She told everyone in that court that I was a monster and they all believed her. I knew that bitch wasn't to be trusted and she proved me right.

Now, I'm not denying that my hunger was bad, and maybe I did some things that weren't so nice, but I wasn't as monstrous as she made me out to be. She told them I had all these problems and that I couldn't deal with real life. She made it sound like I was crazy. But what sounded craziest to me was that nobody ever asked to hear my side of the story. Nobody said shit one about Ivar and his part in everything. It’s not like I would have given him up or anything, but still….they just took her word as law, and that was that.

I don't remember a lot after that. I know that Harrow, or Harald, or whatever the hell his name was, sat further away from me. Even that detective started to look at me with pity. All those fucking people started watching me like I was a freak show. It was too much to handle. I just wanted to die.

I prayed that they would kill me. I wanted them to strap me down to a table and shoot me up full of all the drugs they could get their hands on. Or put me in the gas chamber and let me choke off of my own vomit. Anything was better than the laughing and the whispering.

Ubbe once told me to be careful what I pray for because I just might get it. Well, he was right. If I died, I would have gone straight to hell. Well, they didn't kill me, but I went there anyway.

After I stopped going to court, I started going to Lagertha's little Drug Store Hell every day for years. Drugs and talking. Headaches and blackouts. Bruises and scars. And of course, her file full of lies and the fucking memories. They should have killed me. But it wasn't all bad. I learned a lot and I used it to buy my ticket back to real life.

See, I learned that people only see what they want to see and they don't care about anything but their version of the truth. They feel accomplished when they scratch the surface. As long as they get enough to prove themselves right, they let up and don't want to dig any deeper. For them, it's all about perception.

For me, it's all about adaptation. Being in hell, I learned how to adapt to my surroundings. For example, I learned that I had extensive knowledge of how drugs alter my behavior. I guess years of recreational drug use paid off for something. I know what it felt like when I was high, so when I finally got the willpower to stop taking that shit, I was still able to keep up appearances. As long as I acted like a zombie nobody fucking cared that I was stuffing that shit in a slit that I made in the mattress by using a loose bedspring. Of course with as many pills as I had stockpiled, I had my run of the fucking place – between trading that shit as currency with the other demons, and making cocktails to get myself in and out of every inch of that place, every day was a new fucking adventure.  

You know, you can drug a guard, get keys to locked doors, and take a few patients that are drugged out of their fucking minds into off-limits rooms, come and go as you please… When you have the right combo of drugs conveniently crushed in coffee or sprinkled in the pudding of the powers that be, the possibilities are endless.

I also learned that if you alter your behavior to reflect that you think you are as bad as your file says you are, it makes you look more favorable to your doctor. They think you’re having a fucking breakthrough or something. They think all that self-loathing is some sort of remorse for all the wrongs you’ve done when you’re just sick of them telling you that you’re a fuck up and you need to do better. Truth is, you’re really just frustrated because you can’t fucking kill them. 

It’s all just bullshit. Just like when you smile, you're not thought to be sad. If you do everything they say, suddenly you're cured. And most importantly, if you stop talking about Ivar, they stop thinking you're crazy and let you join groups and have privileges. They almost treat you like you’re normal as long as you never mention the “I” word.

Ivar.

Five years…five years without that smile or felt those magnetic blue eyes looking at me. For five years, I've been alone in a room, with their drugs, talking, and pain like nobody's business. I’ve let them break me down only to build me up to what they want me to be, but I managed it because I just knew that he was coming back for me. In the beginning he would come to see me, but, then suddenly, he stopped. The day he stopped coming, is the day that the real torture began. But I did it. I survived.

I did it alone.

I'm not gonna lie, being on my own is so hard. It’s gotten a little easier lately, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it. I finally got into a routine and I make it a point to deal with each moment as it comes. I don’t spend all my time in my head trying to block out the past and run from my future. I’ve even met a nice girl named, Amma. She’s a student up at the college. If things keep progressing with her the way I hope they do, I’m going to ask her to marry me. 

I'm slowly building my life back, one brick at a time. I’m finally getting to a place where I’m hardly having nightmares about being in that place. It seems like I’m on the road to getting that normal life that I’ve always dreamed about. But, lord knows, normal is boring as a motherfucker. Especially without him.

Don't get me wrong, I never stop longing for him. I can't. The same blood that courses through my veins also runs through his. We’re connected for life. But, it’s more than that, for me. It's like denying that the love of your life ever existed. He's never far from my mind, but my thoughts of him don't consume me anymore.

Well, normally they don't. Today is just a really shitty day.

Sitting my iPhone on the window ledge, I absently wipe the tears from my eyes and I look out at the brook behind the cabin. Things were so much simpler the last time I got lost in watching the water flow downstream. I remember standing there with Ivar feeling like I could conquer the world. The world. Yeah right. I haven't been able to do that yet. But at least I've been able to conquer the hunger. It doesn't sound like much, but it feels like the world to me.

It's gone almost completely gone, I think. I hardly feel it at all now. Gert says that it'll never go away completely, but I can learn to manage it with meds and therapy. Well, fuck her because I’m doing it without either. I don’t need her psychobabble bullshit or her fucking pills. I just need the fresh air and the knowledge that the alternative to me fucking up again is going back to that hell on earth. That’s enough to make me keep my shit in order. 

I’m just thankful that the hunger isn’t all-consuming anymore – just a little twinge now and again. I can deal with that. I've learned to ignore it. I mean, I still hear it and see it, but I don't taste it anymore. That's got to count for something, right?

Turning away from the window, I count the steps past the weakened floorboard and walk toward the door. This place feels like it's getting smaller by the minute and apparently, something died in here because it stinks. The smell of death never bothered me before, but right now it's getting to me. I guess without the hunger, I smell it for what it is now. It's comforting, just not that damn appetizing.

Leaning against the door frame, I take a deep breath of the heavily wooded air. That feels good. I almost forgot how good fresh air smells. Lord knows I didn't smell it for years and now I can't seem to get enough of it.

I guess that's why I rented this little house in the country. Ivar left me some money. A lot of it. I don't know where he got it and I don't give a shit. All I know is I’m able to afford a nice place out in the middle of nowhere that I fucking love. There's not another house for miles and I don't have the temptation of a bunch of people around me. It's secluded, like I'm trying to keep society out. Or maybe I'm trying to keep me away from society. Either way, I'm happy there.

I'm surrounded by woods and I’ll be able to smell the grass in the summer and the dying leaves in the fall. Ivar would shit a brick if he found out I became a nature lover. He'd shit golden egg rolls if he knew half of the shit I discovered about myself. I'm not the same Hvitserk as I was before.

It's still hard for me, harder than it is for most people, but I don't seem to cower from the world now. I know they're still watching me. The truth is I don't get scared like I used to, or worry about everything every single second. Yeah, I feel alone sometimes, but I'm not afraid of it now. I guess being in hell taught me how to deal with it. It's not like I had a choice in that place. In there, the loneliness would have eaten me alive if I had let it. But I didn't. I had to prove to myself, and I guess to Ivar, that I could make it. And I did. I made it without him.

There's a breeze whipping the fallen leaves around in the air. It'll be dark soon and it looks like it's going to rain. I don't mind though. Even with a huge hole in the roof, I'd rather stay here and get soaked than to go home and be alone. Amma’s staying on campus tonight because she's got a test in the morning. Not that I mind. It's just that it's fucking lonely in that house all by myself. Besides, it's been so long since I could just be alone with my memories and just feel what it is that I'm feeling that I'm enjoying it here. I'm not ready to give that up yet. After five years of having everything about me questioned, dissected, and analyzed, it's nice to have a minute just to remember without someone reading more into it.

Even now it's like that. I'm sure Amma doesn't mean it, but she likes to talk and every time I get quiet she thinks something's wrong. It's cute actually, how she tries so hard to keep me happy. She's one of those girls that does any and everything to make sure things between us stay good. Even after everything I've been through and all the lies the media told about me, she still loves me. Granted, she was just a kid when all of that shit went down, but she knows. At least she knows what she chooses to believe. If you ask her, I got sent away on some bullshit because I took the rap for Ivar. It's the truth, I did, and she refuses to believe anything other than that.

But still, she knows they're watching me and she sees how much it gets to me. She tries to keep my mind off of it and when that doesn't work, she wants me to open up about it. It doesn't bother me, though. Not like when Gert did it. That shit got on my nerves. I know Amma’s just trying to make me happy. But still, I'd be lying if I said the solitude of this place wasn't nice.

Closing my eyes to fully take in my surroundings, I hear the sound of leaves moving in the distance. With a sigh, I place the filter of the cigarette to my lips and feel my entire body relax as soon as the tip is lit. There's something about a quiet smoke that always seems to put things in perspective for me. With my head against the frame of the door, I watch the world.

The woods are beautiful with their bare trees and the multicolored leaves decorating the ground like a blanket and the brook bubbling happily in the distance. It's alive; everything about these woods is bursting with life even though winter is coming. It's like nature is preparing for it, but this place is resisting. It's ironic actually because that's exactly how I feel.

This is the shit that I missed out on when I was in hell. This is the shit that I missed when I was still taking Lagertha’s pills. Yeah, I loved being high all the time, but they kept me in a state of numbness, preventing me from seeing and enjoying the world around me. They were necessary when I needed to be what they wanted me to be. But, now I have to be who I am, and I don’t need them anymore. I don't want my senses dulled. I don't want to have a medicine haze surrounding me at all times. I want to taste the rain on my lips and feel the cool air on my face. I want to smell fall. I want to live and those damn pills were killing me slowly. Well, fuck that. 

Staring at the large bare oak tree in front of me I feel an overwhelming sense of peace. Tears fill my eyes, but they're not sad tears. They are tears of contentment.

I knew this would happen. I knew I needed to come here. I knew I needed closure.

"Hey, baby." Without words, I watch as he walks with his hands in his pockets. Dressed in blue jeans, a white shirt, and a black leather jacket he looks like just stepped out of a magazine.

Stopping next to the tree, he leans against it and looks at me. He’s cut his hair. His short dark hair has just outgrown a buzz cut, but it still looks stylish on him. It makes his face look darker and his eyes bluer, as if that were possible. 

"Ivar." I thought after all this time I would be happy to see him. But I don't feel anything. For years I practiced the thousands of things I wanted to say to him. But right now, I can't think of one. All I can do is stare at him.

A slow smile slides across his face and he lowers his head as if he is going to laugh. But instead, he raises his eyes to mine and nods. "You look good."

"You, too," and he does. He’s beautiful. He's always been so beautiful.

"Had a feeling I'd find you here. You always did love this place."

Fuck the small talk. We don't have to have some long drawn conversation. "Why?" That's it. That's all I want to know. "You left me. Why?"

Taking a deep breath he pushes off from the tree and starts to walk toward me. There was once a time where I was afraid of the power that Ivar exuded. I was never afraid of him, but of his strength, because it only amplified my weakness. But that time is long gone. I've been through so much shit - felt pain like never before. I don't fear it now. "I didn't leave you, Hvitserk."

"Bullshit. You knew what that bitch was doing to me. You said you would come back for me, but you never did. You just left me there.” I can still see his face outside of that little glass square at the top of my door. He was looking at me, smiling, leading me to believe that he was going to help me. But, he walked away. He blew me a kiss and walked away. "Do you have any idea what it was like for me? Do you? I've had everything short of a fucking lobotomy, Ivar. Electroshock therapy, graphic desensitization…if you can think of it, they did it. And believe me, that bitch Lagertha can give you a run for your money in the torture department. Do know why they did all that shit to me? Because you fucking disappeared. You left and all fingers pointed to me. They ripped my fucking soul apart because of your shit and you have the balls to show up here today as nothing fucking happened."

With a calm only Ivar can possess, he walks up the stairs to the porch and takes a seat on the old splintered rocking chair. Running his fingers over his face, he tilts his head and considers me. He's impressed, I know that look in his eye. He's never seen me stand up for myself without blacking out in the process. Well, guess what? I don't fucking blackout anymore. "Would I do that? I didn't leave you, Hvitserk. I was there. I was there so many fucking times. You wouldn't leave with me."

I'm so sick of people twisting the truth into their form of reality. I waited for him for years and he never came back. But still, there's a calmness in his voice that makes me want to listen to his reasoning. "I wouldn't leave with you? Contrary to popular belief, I'm not fucking crazy Ivar and it's pretty fucking hard to leave with a memory. Every fucking day I waited. But you never showed up. You let me rot there."

"Bullshit, I did. At first, you were so fucking out of it, that you just cried all the damn time and talked about how much you wanted to die." Folding his hands in his lap his eyes narrow slightly in my direction. For a second, I recognized that look. Irritation. But I'm not backing down. Not this time. Not until he tells me the truth. "Then, you flat out refused to come with me.”

"Oh cut the shit, Ivar! I’m not one of these stupid marks we find to party with – it’s me, Brother. You know, all of these years I looked up to you, idolized you…put you on a fucking pedal stool. Turns out, I believed you when you said that we were going to be together forever. Turns out I was my brother’s keeper. I kept you, Ivar! In here…” I pound my fist against my chest.

He looks so cool at my outburst, yet proud that I’m not crying. Calmly, he licks his lips and slowly blinks at me, “When I finally got in to see that fucking quack ass doctor of yours, she gave me this bullshit letter you wrote that told me to fuck off because you needed to do this all on your own. What the fuck, Serk? What the fuck else did you want me to do? You had it all. Your drugs, your little blonde doctor bitch hanging on your every word. You were in your element. Everybody was so worried about my poor baby. Why would you leave with me? You had everything you ever wanted and you didn’t need me anymore."

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean,  I was in my element? I never wanted you to baby me, Ivar. You did that because it made you feel better. I just didn't want to be alone." Why is he trying to guilt me because I finally became my own man? If the roles were reversed, I would have done everything in my power to help him, or at least be proud of the progress he’s made. “I always need you, brother. I would never turn my back on you."

With a shake of his head, his smile drops and the look on his face is replaced with one of pure hurt. "If you didn't want to be alone, why did you keep turning me away? You should ask that bitch Dr. Gert how many times I called or came there to see you. Then ask her how many times she turned me away at your request. You left me, Hvitserk." He came to visit and she turned him away? No. That's not right. That couldn't have been how it happened. She never told me that he came to see me. 

"You want to blame somebody for this? Blame her. She became more important to you than me. All the fucking lies she told you about me, you believed. All those sessions on her little couch, ending up with you crying. She was the one that started taking care of you, holding you, wiping away your tears. She replaced me. You should have seen the satisfied look on her face when she told me that you didn't need me anymore." He raises his brows at my shocked expression. He saw that? I remember that day – it was a particularly grueling therapy session. I would have said anything to make the pain stop.

"Didn’t know I knew that much, did you? Yeah, I saw it all. I saw how you stopped crying after a while. And you didn't black out anymore, either. I notice how after a while you were sitting there all tall and proud, talking and laughing with her. You were happy, Hvitserk. And I finally saw you. I didn't just look at you. I saw you. And that's when I knew it was true. You were strong on your own. You didn't need me in your life anymore, so I stopped coming. You were strong enough without me. And just look at you now…"

"You think you did me a fucking favor?" Stepping back inside the doorway I grab my bag from the floor. It takes a second to locate what I'm looking for but with damning evidence like this, there is no way he can deny it. "Look at this shit. Look at it! You thought I had a good time there? You saw all of the shit she did to me and you thought I fucking enjoyed it? I forgot torture is your thing. It must've looked like a fucking field day to you. Tearing me down…that's your idea of teaching me how to be strong?"

His eyes dance over the red printed letters on the front of the file and instantly I feel a chill at the sight of them. St. Dymphna Hospital for the Criminally Insane. Reluctantly, he opens to the first page and glances over everything. Without interest, he starts to read aloud, "Sociopath…Psychopath...Paranoid Schizophrenia… Histrionic Borderline Personality Disorder…Dissociative Personality Disorder… What the fuck is this?"

"That's your little lesson, Ivar. That's what the fuck I learned on Dr. Lagertha Svensdottir’s fucking couch." In all of the things I've felt for Ivar over the last five years, never once have I felt anger. But right now, I'm so pissed with him it's taking everything I have not to punch him in the face. "I learned that I'm fucking crazy. I was taught that I killed Guthrum, and Ubbe. I probably killed Bjorn and Father…hell, maybe even Rollo, too. But not Sigurd, Ivar. No - you did that one. I’m not taking the blame for him.

“Oh, and get this – did you know that I got sent to a funny farm, instead of leaving Father’s house to try to make it on my own, before that night I ended up sleeping on your floor. You know, right before I told you about my secret?” I can tell by the look on his face he doesn’t believe this shit either. “Yeah. They magically found some trumped-up records of me being committed somewhere. So instead of having an entire fucking life, I was institutionalized. Somehow I got better and they let me go, though. But I didn’t take my medication and got sick again, and that’s why I supposedly fucked up this time.” I angrily pluck my cigarette butt through the wooded area, “Shit, apparently, I fucking made you up. Did you know you were supposed to have died in the accident with Mother?”

"Those motherfuckers." His eyes grow cold for a moment, and then they soften when he looks at me. Ivar doesn't show remorse, but I can tell from that look that he genuinely had no idea it was that bad. "You don't believe this shit, do you? You never went away. You had your own place. I stayed with you a few times when shit got too bad with Father and Rollo. And that shit about me?” He stands from the chair and walks over to where I’m standing. Craning his neck until his face is inches from mine, I have no choice but to look into his eyes, “If you believe that shit, then you are crazy.”

"You know it's funny what pain will make you believe. You'll believe anything if it means that they'll stop hurting you. You of all people should know that."

"You don't believe me? Touch me. I've held you, rocked you in my arms, wiped your tears. I've been there for you more than anybody else has ever been. You know me. Fucking touch me and you'll know that I'm real." That seems to be all he cares about. Not the fact that the guards would beat me when I was strapped to my bed at night. Not the fact that Gert made me lie out loud and say that I killed damn near my entire family.

"I had to admit to everything you did in front of a room full of people and apologize for it. I had to tell them that I was sick and I didn't know what I was doing. They made me jump through fucking hoops and made me feel like a freak just to have the most basic of my needs met – to brush my own fucking teeth, Ivar. Now, I have people looking at me 24 hours a day, wondering if I’m stable; just waiting for the other shoe to drop." Lighting another cigarette, I suck back on the toke hoping it will calm me down. 

"I have to follow all these stupid fucking rules. I don't have any privacy. I'm lying to my girl about what the fuck is going on. Oh, yeah, but I’m stronger than a motherfucker now." The sarcasm drips from my words before I can stop it. 

"'Cause that's all that matters, right? You left me there to die, and just hoped that I was strong enough to survive. But what if I wasn't, Ivar? What if I didn't make it? What then?" As soon as I see the look on his face, I know that he didn't mean to hurt me. More importantly, I know that I can't end it like this. We’re all we have.

Nodding his head in understanding he straightens himself upright and glares out at the woods around us. "It was that fucking headshrinker wasn't it? She pumped you full of drugs and lies. You know she lied to you about all of that other shit. But you think she was telling the truth about me? Well here's the truth Hvitserk. If I thought for one second that you weren't strong enough to make it, I would have killed every last motherfucker in there to take you out of there. You can believe all of that other bullshit if you want, but you know that for a fact."

Staying angry with him is harder than I thought. But it feels so good to lash out after keeping all of this shit in for years. Always pretending to be what they want me to be so they'd let me out, keeping my real feelings bottled away…it's fucking hard. Finally, I get to be myself and it figures it's with the one person who I've always been able to be myself around. I know I should hate him. But I don't. I never did. I feel myself calming down and all I can do is look at him with serious eyes. "You were right about one thing. I don't need you anymore. I'm doing just fine on my own now."

A sly smile pulls at the corners of his lips and instinctively his hand runs over his almost bald head. "You're right. You don't need me…but it wouldn't be fun to have me around again?" His smile grows when I try to keep my face stern but it softens almost as soon as he says it. It's the truth. I miss him. Without him I feel like a part of me is missing. "We had some good times, brother."

Resting my head against the door frame again, I instantly feel the anger and frustration leave me looking into the cerulean pools of his eyes. "Yeah, we did." I look out at the forest and notice that the wind is picking up. The bare trees swing their branches like skeleton fingers waving goodbye to me. Or is it hello? I can't tell anymore.

"You came out on top, baby. You're bigger and better than you were before." Throwing the file on the chair behind him, he turns to me with a warm smile. He touches his hand to my cheek before kissing it gently and I can feel the electricity from it all over my body. God, I miss him. "I just wanted to see you again and to tell you that I'm proud of you." As soon as he steps down from the porch he turns to me and nods. "If you ever get bored, you know how to find me. I miss you." No sooner does he say that, does he turn around and walk down the stairs and away from the cabin. “Burn that fucking file. It’s nothing but a bunch of lies. You’re better than that, Serk. You always have been.”

Watching him leave a second time hurts more than I thought it would. "Ivar?" I steady my voice and force a smile on my face. "I miss you, too." I won't ask him to come back into my life, but I damn sure won't deny him if he does. In the few minutes that we spent together, I didn't feel lonely at all. I felt normal. That's all I've ever wanted.

His smile is illuminating. It lights up everything in this darkened wood like the sun was shining directly on him. It's magical. "I don't know how to apologize, Hvitserk. That's really not my thing. But I don't lie, so believe this. If you let me back in, I promise I will never leave you again."

There's so much to think about. I've been lied to so much by so many people I don't know what the truth is anymore. All I do know is I haven't felt this alive in years. With a shrug of my shoulders, I turn toward the door. "We'll see. I need to talk to my shrink first." With one last glance at him, over my shoulder, I walk into the cabin and leave the front door open behind me.

Pulling the pack of Marlboros out of my pocket, I dust off the chair and take a seat. Lighting the end, I close my eyes and concentrate on the thick smoke filling my lungs. I love the taste of menthol. With everything there is to consider, it's nice not to have to concentrate on anything but my cigarette while my thoughts fall into place. This is more than I can handle right now. I need some direction.

Resting my arms on my thighs, I lean forward and consider the mattress and the blonde woman bound and chained to the fireplace lying upon it. 

"So, Dr. Lagertha, do you think I should give Ivar another chance?"

Fin.

A/N: Well, guys. That’s it! Thanks for sticking with me, and going on this crazy ride with my boys. This has been a fun rewrite. I hope to finishing some of my other stuff soon and posting some things I have just had sitting on the shelf.

As always,

Be easy!

shannygoat

Previous chapter || Return to Master List

Please let me know if you want to be added/removed from tags:

@youbloodymadgenius​ @idea-garden​ @kol--mikaelson​ @mooniemouse​ @didiintheblog​ @waiting4inspiration​ @tempt-ress​ @where-beauty-goes-to-die​ @crazyaboutmotleycrue​ @oddsnendsfanfics​ @geekandbooknerd​ @ivarthebloodyking​ @honestsycrets​ @xbellaxcarolinax​ @geekandbooknerd​ @peachyboneless​

#My Brother's Keeper #modern ivar #modern hvit #modern hvitserk #ivar ragnarsson #Hvitserk Ragnarsson #ivar lothbrok #hvitserk lothbrok #ivar the boneless #Hvitserk Whiteshirt #shannyland

[a-forgotten-spirit]

Dabi x Hero Reader (2)

(Credit to owners for original pictures)

Pairing: Dabi x Fem Hero in training Reader

Summary: Reporters won’t leave, it has been a week and Reader needs to let off some stress with going to a club.

Words: +-3200

Warnings: Lack of friends, not eating, stress, lack of sleep, self-doubt, underage drinking, someone trying to grope the reader (Dabi saves you), saying you wouldn't mind being poisoned, overtraining.

Tags: @wnygirl2012​

A/N: I am still taking requests. Guess who made a part 2, me, it's me. Next chapter is all about the chemistry if people want it of course. Leave a comment if you like it, honestly makes my day. 

Chapter 1 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2 Y/N P.O.V

The past week had been hell, reporters trying to enter the school to get the latest scoop of me. I was being stalked by reporters so I wasn’t allowed to leave the school while my so-called friends did. Teachers asked for me to go see the counsellor: I declined, I didn’t need to see one. I got thanks from the Police and the victims' families which had lightened my mood exponentially. A reporter with a stretch quirk managed to enter the school and come to my training with the class, they ran at me, Aizawa got to them before I did and the camera was dropped, all footage lost. A true shame. I couldn’t even leave my room at this point, even my classmates had wanted to ask questions.

“Hey Y/N” Deku had walked up to me, a book clenched in his hand, I had thought he wanted to say I did a good job or at least have a normal conversation with me, that was not the case “Could you tell me about your quirk” his eyes were shining, I knew he had a thing for new or interesting quirks but I was on my last nerve “I find it really interesting, how do you pick the music, tone, song, rhythm to fit a scene” I lost it. I was being bombarded with people.

My social media had blown up and all I was getting was messages upon messages. I wasn’t able to sleep one night due to the vibrating and the next morning bags beneath my eyes. My phone vibrated and I threw it across the room with the power of All Might himself. It wasn’t broken, some miracle and it continued to vibrate. Then camp the emails asking to ‘Clear up’ the drama on TV shows and things.

So when Deku asked the question I lost it, flipping my table and scaring the class “Shut up. I am on my last fucking nerve. I don’t pick the song or the fucking lyrics. I pick an emotion he was stressed for seduction was easiest to gain control” I had screamed and I could see Aizawa look down, he had been with me last week trying to help me. “I did what was asked and now I'm being punished for it. If this is how my career will be maybe I don’t want to be a fucking hero” after my outburst I left the room and made my way to the training ground, having to walk out the main doors. I could hear the yelling and someone seemed to have a megaphone quirk. I was about ready to just scream.

That was my week, once a week had passed you’d think there would be new news but I was not fortunate enough for that. My inbox was still full, new messages. I found out they tried to find where my parents lived, that almost sent me into a violent rage. My parents were fine and no one had found them, luckily. I haven't slept in days and I looked like a walking corpse.

I was sitting at the island in the kitchen scrolling through all the articles of me and Dabi, speaking of him, I hadn’t seen him in the week. Seems he was the only one to not try and visit me, lucky me. “You look like shit” at the voice I looked up seeing Bakugou, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the exploding douche but he continued “Are you hungry, I noticed you haven’t been eating” who was this, this was not the Bakugou I know.

“What have you done with Bakugou” when was the last time I had eaten, I just avoided it as I didn’t want the people in the class to so much as being in the same room as me. The looks and whispers, the halls of the school were plastered with questioned, though the boy from 1-B, Shinso, had told me his quirk and that he understood what I was going through and if I needed to talk he was there for me. I had taken him up on the offer through the week and now I felt like I had at least one friend here.

“Fuck off” he yelled and then looked to me “Are you hungry or not” although Bakugou liked to act tough, I had noticed he liked to cook for others and with a slight nod of my head he began to cook. My eyes moved back to the screen as I continued reading.

“Villain in the works” “UA students seduce Villain” “She’s in love with a criminal” “Admitted to being in love with a Villain”

The articles went on and on, some not even in Japan. I understood the hype but I would have thought it would have died down, All Might had saved some kids but even that was turned to how could he deal with having someone such as myself in his class. He had defended me but that did next to nothing. Dropping my phone on the counter I sighed, rubbing my face and then moving my hands down to my neck to then let my head drop. I couldn’t take much more.

Food was ready, though I wasn’t sure how long I had just sat there in my thoughts. A bowl of rice with vegetables and an egg, it looked delicious. A simple “Thank you” and a mouthful I nodded to myself and grabbed the pepper from the bench, everything is better with pepper is my motto.

“You’re the first person to just eat it and not ask if I poisoned it” looking up he too was eating and looked into my eyes, was Bakugou trying to be nice. I was grateful, I needed it and I wasn’t picky who was the one being nice.

“At this point” I smiled taking another bite “I wouldn’t mind if you did” he laughed, low and deep. Having to cover his mouth and swallow harshly, I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face. I made the Bakugou laugh.

He nodded “I don’t blame you” the conversation continued until the end of the meal where I thanked him once more and then left to get changed, it was the weekend so we didn’t have classes but my classmates went out much to my pleasure. I wanted the dorms to myself.

Changing into my working out clothing I placed my wireless earbuds in and sighed listening to music ring through my head, each thump of the beat was like heaven to my mind. Making my way to the training grounds was one full of small body rolls and my hands moving the beat. It was calm and surreal, this is the silence I craved. This was my silence. I mouthed the lyrics until I began to work out, harsh and struggling to breathe work out. I needed to work on my lung capacity, it was needed if a villain was particularly strong-minded not to say everyone wasn’t but sometimes it can be hard to sing if one is out of breath.

I pushed my body to the limit, running laps and singing lowly to myself with my earbuds in. I had stopped to tie my hair then continued, chin up to pull my body up and then hang for a moment pulling knees to my chest the legs out and pulling myself once more. I needed to become stronger, I was sweating but I needed to go faster, harder. Time was non-existent as I worked my body to the bare minerals of my soul, I whispered the songs and noticed my breathing pattern was getting better. I smiled and continued.

Working-out seemed to do something to my brain, it slowed my thinking down only making me worried for the exercises I was currently occupied with as I was about to run another lap I felt something wrap around my wrist and turned seeing Aizawa standing there. Taking out my earbuds I stopped the music.

“How long have you been here,” he asked his strange scarf like whip thing returning to his body. There was no clock and I wasn’t a fan of watches, my earbuds had been wireless so I left my phone with my bag and just went for it.

Breathing heavily, I sighed out “A few hours, two, three at the most,” I answered. Was I in trouble? I was told we could use this facility, maybe I was mistaken. Had I heard wrong?

“Y/N” it’s 5 pm” he looked out and I tilted my head, then a quick shake. I came in here about 10 am, I couldn’t have been going for that long “Bakugou said he made you breakfast then you didn’t go out with the group. Have you had a break-in that seven hours” he asked, worry written all over his face? Now he mentioned the time, my muscles did feel a little overused but I couldn’t have been going for that long. Could I?

“No” I whispered and looked around, it wasn’t dark outside and I was guessing my brain was just saying that it was the same time as the sun was out. I shook my head and walked to my drink and phone. Taking a long sip and checking the time, 5:07 pm he was right.

“Maybe it's time to go talk to the counsellor” he suggested, I didn’t want to see them. They had a truth quirk, they made you calm then tell them your thoughts and feelings. I was not giving my mind to someone I did not know.

“I'm fine” I replied and looked up “Trust me, I’m fine. I just lost track of time” I smiled and walked to Aizawa whose frown was prominent on his features “Thank you, I'll head to dinner” he didn’t stop me and I was grateful.

Dinner was fine, I ate by myself as everyone was already finished, showered and headed to my room. I was going to put my phone on charge as it usually needed it by this time in the afternoon but I hadn’t been on it so there was no need. I was scrolling through my phone when I received a text message. Clicking on it, there was party night at the club I used to perform at. They said I was always welcome and so I shot the owner a quick message receiving one instantly. A downloaded ticket and passcode to get any drinks or go wherever I wanted. It was tempting, I sent another message that I wouldn’t be performing and they were fine with it, though I was always welcome in the club. I sat pondering for a moment, a long few hour moments. The reporters leave about 10:30 pm as that’s when they stopped getting paid I assumed, the first few nights they stayed at the gates but they were human and needed sleep. It was the weekend and I didn’t have school the next day. I could drink and have some fun, I looked to the pills beside my bed, if I wanted to hook up I could. I haven’t done so before but then again it could be fun to just let loose and have some fun. I got up looking through my wardrobe and picking a black bra then pulling a lace long-sleeved shirt over the top. Pulling a short skirt up my legs and then placing on some black heels, I felt confident and pretty. A bag with my phone, wallet, pills if I stayed somewhere, charger and a few other things if I needed it. There was no need for makeup I would be surrounded by lights and people within the next few hours.

I smiled looking myself up and down once more and nodded, let's have a good night. Walking from my room I was typing on my phone letting the owner know I was on my way and they better have some strong drinks on offer. Holding my phone at my side I came down the stairs and then walked through the main room, almost everyone playing games or talking though it went silent as I passed.

“Where are you going Y/N it’s almost 11 at night” Kirishima called out looking to his phone, he was so caring of everyone though in the last few years of schooling with him I don’t think I had had a proper conversation with him.

I stopped turning to the group a smile on my face “I am going to a club, I’ll be home tomorrow” I paused and began to walk to the door “Probably” I finished and heard Iida begin to scold as I closed the door.

Walking to the main gate I smiled, they never had security this time of the night on weekends, kids visited parents and always got home late or the upper years were doing as I was. Getting the gate there were no reporters and I smiled a little wider making my way into the city. It was dark and the cold licked at my face, this was amazing. I had to google map my way to the club as I had only gone from my home, I hadn’t lived on campus for a long time but it wasn’t that big of a problem. The club closed at six in the morning and opened at ten at night so I was fine. The journey was a little over three-quarters of an hour but I enjoyed it. Coming up to the club, bright lights and people lined up around the block, they were always popular. I walked passed the line and up to the security, he was about to speak but with a simple show of my phone his face paled and he nodded.

“May I” he gestured to my face and I looked to see his hands secreting this change coloured substance “It lets the staff know where and what you can do” he smiled and I nodded closing my eyes. His fingers were soft as they swept along my cheeks, this was a fitting job for that quirk. 

“Do my neck” I whispered and put my head back pulling my shirt down from my neck to allow him his palm came to hold my throat and glide down to the top of my breast. When he stopped I smiled “Thanks” as he moved and I passed by the people in line. The hallway had no light but when passing the curtain I looked around, lights and people, music ringing through the whole area, smoke clouded the floor and the ceiling. The paint that man secreted was luminescent under the lights, I took my phone out and saw my own was orange, no one else seemed to have the colour. So he could pick the colour, I tried to wipe it off and it didn’t smudge. Perhaps faded in time, I didn’t care.

I made my way to the bar and the bartender turned, he had tentacles coming from his sides, he could make a lot of drinks at the one time, another quirk well suited for their job “How can I help” he paused and looked at my face then down my neck “You” he must have noticed my colour, I felt special.

“Something strong” I smiled and when placed in front of me and I threw my head back and sighed in contempt. Then placed the glass down “A few more” sure this was illegal but this was a club and I'm sure illegal drinking was not the only illegal thing that happened in this building.

My phone vibrated and I looked to see messages from my classmates, how did they even have my number. Some worried for my safety this late at nights, others anger, Iida, some asking if this is the best choice given my latest show that was plastered everywhere. “Mam if I may, I can place your belongings behind the counter and you can retrieve them as you leave. No distractions or inconveniences” he seemed to know what was going on, on my screen. So with a smile and a simple group message saying I was fine, I handed my things over. After a few more drinks I nodded to him.

I made my way to the dance floor, the DJ was blasting the music, his quirk something to do with the speakers and table in front of him. They were efficient in their picking for who worked here. I had moved to the middle as the music ran through my body as much as the alcohol and I smiled, my hands moved near my head and I swayed my hips from side to side, eyes closed. Drinks were passed around and I felt a few people grind on me, not specifically but just enjoying themselves. I didn’t mind, not at all, I was having the time of life. All was going well until I felt a hand a bit close to my ass then I would have liked, spinning around I gripped the wrist of the male and narrowed my eyes.

Using my quirk so he could hear me I stated “Fuck off” I had been dancing for at least an hour and I was not in the mood for some sick freak to ruin my night because he wanted to cop a feel. Throwing his hand at him I added “Go find someone else, I'm not interested” in truth, I wanted to break his hand.

“Come on” he whispered and his arms wrapped around my body, anyone would have thought we were just dancing if they looked now. I tried to pry him off though he was strong. “Look at you, in lace and orange. I haven’t seen someone with orange” he smirked. His colour was pink which I had seen a lot so he wasn’t important or at least known here.

His hands moved down my back as I tried to push him his head moving as sniffing my neck, his hands moved lower, now at my tailbone. I growled and was going to push him again when his presence left my body and someone was standing in front of me.

“Touch her again and I’ll end you” the voice was familiar and deep, angered. The male looked up ready to fight but then his face paled and I could see the fear begin to crawl through his body.  

“I didn’t know she was yours” his hands rose and now I was angrier than before. I wasn’t anyone’s, maybe I shouldn’t have come. He nodded and the male moved through the crowd.

I was about to either yell or thank the guy who helped but when he turned, I froze my eyes wide and I looked into the electric blue ones of none other then Dabi. His smirk spread across his face and I shook my head. Arms coming to wrap around my waist though, I had to admit ...I liked them there. He was taller than I and his colour painted was blue. I had not seen blue, pink, yellow, green and a few purples but blue was not seen. He leaned down “Hello my little Siren” ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter 3

#dabi x reader #dabi is a todoroki #reader x dabi #dabi imagine #villain x reader #ashtray x reader #LOV #league of villains #x reader #fem reader #reader insert #bnha #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #mha #boku no hero academia #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia #my hero academia x reader #dabi scenarios #dabi #dad aizawa #hero x villain #dabi x fem reader #anime x reader

[miss-tc-nova]

Ursine Ire - Hermod x Fem!Reader

I’ve been dying to do something with Hermod and his temper, so here it is! And I think I’ve finally got my chaos in check for a while, so hopefully I can get another fic or two out before Christmas rolls around. Also, sorry this one feels a little more straightforward than most of my stuff. 

~~~~~

              I’m late! I’m so late! They’re gonna kill me!

              Feet hit the stone path as fast as I can manage without blindly running into innocent bystanders—though there were a few close calls.

              Today, my friends and I are off to see a production Vor and Urd have been demanding we all attend—I was supposed to meet them half an hour ago. Now I’m racing like a rabbit from a dog praying I don’t have to face the wrath of the female wielders.

              Rounding a corner, my heart, just like my foot, skips when I nearly collide with the crowd I’ve let down.

              An outstretched arm intercepts me before I can crash. “Woah! Slow down!”

              Hermod, my boyfriend and the reason I have a great group of new friends, pulls me upright. Steadied by my grip on his haori, I heave so hard my lungs might just fall on the concrete.

              “And here we thought you’d forgotten,” teases the red-head. When I can’t stop gasping, Bragi tacks on, “Geeze, I thought Eraqus was Tardy Fleetfoot.”

              Said ‘Fleetfoot’ leans down. “Are you okay?”

              One more breath gives me my voice back. “I’m so sorry I’m late! I was reading a book and I lost track of time! When I looked at the clock, I freaked out and ran all the way here! I’m so sorry!”

              Soft chuckling brings my attention to the young man with an arm still around me. “It’s alright. We’ve still got some time,” he chuckles. A dip of his head connects his lips to my forehead, washing over that anxiety with a sweet serenity.

              “Cut it out, you two,” Urd insists, clearly not pleased by my tardiness. My boyfriend leans back, still happy but with a tad bit of sheepish mixed in. “That time we have is not enough for you to make out. If we don’t get going, we’ll miss the show.”

              “It might already be sold out!” little blond Vor exclaims.

              “Then let’s get a move on,” urges the boy in black.

              The group agrees and scampers through the streets towards the theater. When we get there, we see the mass of people shuffling into the stadium.

              “Okay, Vor and I will get the tickets,” insists the taller girl, holding her hand out expectantly.

              The boys rifle through pockets, but when I notice Hermod doing the same, I take his sleeve.

              “I’m paying this time,” I say.

              “Oh, it’s alright. I don’t mind.”

              “I don’t care if you mind. You paid for the last date; it’s my turn.” His mouth opens to argue. “Don’t make me ask nicely.”

              As it so happens, my asking Hermod ‘nicely’ is actually giving him the best puppy eyes I can, letting my bottom lip slip forward just a little, and saying please. My poor teddy bear has yet to refine any resistance to this technique. Due to this unfair trump card, I reserve it for dire occasions but sometimes just its mention is enough to tilt things in my favor.

              Shoulders slouch. “Fine.”

              Victoriously smiling, I place a peck against his cheek and scurry after the girls. As we chat, a peculiar couple comes up behind us. The woman tears into the man about them not showing up on time—I kind of feel sorry for him. Even so, their conflict is so unbearably awkward that it completely silences the light-hearted conversation we’d been having. There’s only a single person in front of us, but they cannot move fast enough to get us away from this disaster. Thankfully, after Urd gets her batch of tickets, the man sends the woman away, leaving the queue in an uncomfortable silence.

              Vor grabs hers next and bustles away while I quickly purchase mine. About halfway between the ticket booth and my friends, a hand takes my shoulder: it’s the man.

              “Uh…can I help you?” I ask, disquiet quickly simmering in my gut.

              “Yeah, actually, you bought the last two tickets. Mind if I take them?” There’s not even a trace of politeness in his words—it’s more like a statement than a request.

              Eyes dart to the group gossiping not that far away. I point in their direction. “Actually, I’m here to see the show with my friends. Sorry.”

              Anger rivaling the woman’s snaps into place. “So what. They can tell you about it later. Give me those tickets!”

              Not exactly a fighter myself, I step back. As I do, he reaches for me.

              A flash of green swipes up, swatting the grasping hand away. My boyfriend has come to save me with suspicion written across his face.

              “Is there a problem here?”

              “It’s none of your business,” growls the man.

              Slate eyes turn on me and I tell him, “He wants our tickets.”

              “And you paid for them?” I nod. Ever polite, the young man says, “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t have our tickets. Please excuse us.” He turns back to me. “Come on. The show’s starting.”

              Relief takes over too soon when a fist appears around my wrist. So tight is the grasp that my hand quavers and I’m certain there will be bruising. This sudden spike of pain draws a yelp from my mouth that the heckler doesn’t acknowledge as he jerks me closer.

              In the next instant, I’m free. In the same manner, a hand crushes the thug’s wrist. An existential dread rolls over me and the man seems to realize he’s made a mistake.  

              I’ve always described my soft Hermod as a bear: he’s the biggest sweetheart, always looking out for me, and as cuddly as one might expect. However, another reason my brain thinks of a bear when concerning my boyfriend is his rage. He has a saintly patience; it takes something truly serious to push him to anger—something like assaulting his girlfriend—and when he reaches that point, he is terrifying. I’ve only ever seen this one other time when he was having a truly miserable day. He apologized afterwards but I will never forget the fury he exhumed, almost as if he were another person. He is the embodiment of a bear, anger and all.

              “Hermod!” Vor shouts.

              “Hold on there, Brother Bear!” Bragi appears and places a hand on the threatening arm.

              “How dare you,” Hermod snarls lowly, ignoring his friends. Barely veiled violence hides in his eyes. “She is under no obligation to give you anything and her refusal to do so gives you no right to put your hands on her.” I see his grip tighten, bringing the assailant to his knees. “Now apologize.”

              There’s resistance but a further constricting grip accompanied by bared teeth coerce a response. “S-Sorry!”

              Hermod’s hold releases, signaling that his uncertain classmates can relax.

              “You’d do well to learn some manners,” growls the irate boy. With that, an arm gently ushers me away from the scene. Every bit of that tense anger can be felt in his shielding arm. Anxiety bubbles in my chest but I follow without fuss.

              Only a few steps away and the man shows us he’s learned nothing. A boot to the back of my knee messes up my balance. My elbow scrapes across the ground though I’m far more concerned with the ensuing roar. Peering back reveals a frenzied Hermod swinging his keyblade. The weapon strikes the man hard enough to send him across the clearing into a brick wall where he crumples to the ground. Only three straining boys stop the young man from resuming his rampage.

              “DON’T YOU FUCKING COME NEAR HER AGAIN!” My jaw drops—I’ve never heard Hermod utter a single curse word in all our time dating, even on his worst days.

              The girls dash for the downed man. Urd exclaims, “He’s out cold!”

              “I WILL DESTROY YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?!”

              “He can’t hear anything!” Xehanort shouts.

              “You got ‘im!” adds Bragi. “He’s done!”

              Their words fall on deaf ears as the fight to get at his foe floods Hermod’s mind. It’s frightening, far worse than the last time I saw him like this. If the others let him go, who knows what he’d do to that man—I can’t even guarantee murder would be off the table.

              As I watch the struggle, his name barely escapes my mouth. “Hermod.”

              Nothing changes; he’s still fighting—fighting to defend me.

              This is for me…

              Shoving off the ground, I rush to help the boys. Fists snag handfuls of the haori and push against his chest.

              “Hermod, stop! Please!”

              It all freezes; only heavy pants from the four boys breaks the silence. Almost afraid of what I might find, I peek up at my boyfriend’s face—it’s blank, like a chalkboard wiped clean. I don’t know if this makes me relieved or worried.

              Vor breaks the silence with an announcement. “Guys, he might need a doctor.”

              The wary boys release their classmate and Xehanort leans towards Bragi. “We’ll take care of the moron; you get these two someplace they can calm down.”

              “Good plan.” A palm to the chest pushes the impassive boy back. “Alright Brother Bear, let’s get outta here. You too, chickadee, come on.”

              Bragi steers the two of us down the street away from the mess we left. Silence stirs the distress I’d been boiling throughout the ordeal; I’m unable to stop ruminating on images of that fury.

              At the student dorms where the keyblade wielders train, our chaperone branches off. He leaves us in the entrance hall, still stifled in quiet, but returns rather quickly.

              “Yo, Hermod.” He shoves a box into the taller boy’s arms. “You might wanna patch up your girlfriend.”

              A light finally sparks in his eyes and Hermod turns on me. “Are you okay?”

              This is my Hermod and it’s almost alarming how this gentle giant could turn into something so vicious.

              “Yeah,” I mumble.

              That pain adds to my uncertainty, but it all goes out the window when my feet leave the ground. Too stunned to do anything about it, I let Hermod carry me through the halls of the student dorms; I do, however, flinch when his door flies open and closes with another slam. Hermod’s back hits the wall and he slumps to the floor, still clinging to me.

              “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he murmurs into my shoulder.

              It takes a moment to gather my words. “That…That was pretty scary,” I whisper back.

              “I know and you deserve to be mad at me. I was out of line and I wasn’t thinking, but when he…”

              I already know why it happened, not that it makes it any better. Still, Hermod’s actions were for my sake; I don’t condone what he did but that man made it clear he wasn’t giving up without a fight. My boyfriend was protecting me.

              “Thank you.” Those slate eyes give me a perturbed look. I let the corners of my mouth turn up. “For sticking up for me.”

              Gods, I wanted to make him feel better, not add to that misery. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

              “I know.” I brush the hair from his face. “You’re such a sweetheart. But maybe next time we don’t knock someone unconscious with our keyblade.”

              He let’s a guilty sigh escape him, dropping his gaze. “I’m so sorry.”

              A finger leads his gaze back to me. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry I put you in that position.”

              Again, his face hides against me. “It’s not your fault.” Pushing him back, I take his face in my hands and raise a brow; he gets the hint. “But I forgive you.”

              “I love you, Hermod,” I say, running circles across his cheeks with my thumbs.

              There’s the smile I’ve been looking for. “I love you too.”

              Content with the response, I kiss him. It’s short but oh so sweet—they always are with Hermod. I’d spend hours on end kissing him if there weren’t other matters to attend to.

              “Hermod?”

              “Hmm?” It’s a dreamy, peaceful sort of hum.

              “Who taught you the F word?” My accusations are mostly in jest but the results are perfectly entertaining. My gentle teddy bear bursts into a blush and begins stammering like a fool. “It was Bragi, wasn’t it?”

              “I—I—you—wh—”

              “I’m only teasing,” I sing, pinching at his cheeks. “Now fix my elbow please.”

              This vexed sigh comes with an adoring smile as he reaches for the first aid kit.

#hermod #kh hermod #khdr hermod #hermod x reader #fem!reader

[feat-haikyuu]

Do You Still Think About Me? - Bang Chan

!! One-shot (maybe) - Warnings: Angst !! “Dear Chan,

  I miss the way you laughed at my jokes, even if they weren’t that funny. I miss the way you smiled at me when I would surprise you. I miss the way you’d scrunch your nose when you felt awkward or a weird smell filled your senses. I miss the way you were so passionate and kind. You were the best type of fucking person and I don’t understand what went wrong. 

Was I too clingy? Too pushy? Maybe I was too insecure? 

I don’t understand what made you want to throw away four years. Four. fucking. years. Chan, what made you risk it all? Don’t you remember the way you spent an entire day for a scavenger hunt for me; all to surprise me with just a simple promise ring with a small jade sitting right on top of it. The promises we made that night, made me feel like I truly was on top of the world. Remember when I surprised you while you were on tour for your birthday? I invited you out to a restaurant that night and literally watched Disney movies for the rest of the night. 

You fell asleep on my shoulder, you looked like you felt safe, comfortable and content that night. Remember how we went to that stupid butterfly garden for Valentine’s Day? That was one of the best days, you made me fall in love with you within those four damn years. 

So just help me understand. God, I don’t understand. One random night, I was dressed in my pj’s and wearing one of your oversized hoodies. It smelled like you. It smelled like cinnamon and rose. I received a facetime call out of nowhere. For some reason, I was almost tempted to let it ring, I wanted to spend my time alone. I answered it though. Jisung and Felix said you missed me one night. I remember that call so vividly, they told me how you couldn’t stop crying. 

Apparently, you kept snuggling with a stuffed animal. I don’t think they knew I got you that stuffed snake at a carnival, you kept eyeing it like a kid so I waited to get it while you were in the bathroom. Your expression when I surprised it with you was how a child would react, but I could never explain why I saw a tinge of disappointment or sadness. I thought I was being stupid and insecure. 

They told me to come. They tried to sound so excited when telling me to surprise you but they seemed tired. Though, they didn’t seem tired, like exhaustion from performing nonstop. It was the type of tired that made you frustrated with the world. Like a high school student telling their parents, ``I'm just tired” after being asked what’s wrong because how else could they explain their mental health was deteriorating without exerting whatever energy they had left to talk about their feelings. 

But I agreed. I agreed to travel halfway around the world to meet you. To surprise you and spend at least a week. I risked losing my job, I canceled every single plan from that week for you. I missed you so I said ‘fuck it’. I bought the next flight out. I even paid for that ticket with a good portion of my savings; it was so last minute the one-way ticket was so expensive. In my rush to pack clothes, everything was at a very fast pace. Although in my rush, I swore I saw the stuffed snake in my closet. 

When I got to your area after a few hours of flying and arrived at my hotel, you weren’t answering my messages. I didn’t think much of it, simply thought it would be easier to surprise you. So I got ready, I kept your sweatshirt on, put on some black sweats and a pair of green vans slip-ons. 

I decided to walk to your practice room. It was such a nice night, but sadly I wasn’t facing the moon since it was in the other direction. Out of the whole night, I never understood why that bothered me so much. It was the one thing I couldn’t remember and it makes me feel so frustrated. Though, I saw such beautiful yellow and green flowers in a nearby grocery store that was open late.

 I bought them for you. 

It wasn’t till I walked into the building I received a text from Jisung saying “Maybe we should wait to surprise him tomorrow?” I felt frustration build, I spent money and time that I wasn’t just going to leave now. 

“But, I just got here?” - Delivered at 1:47 AM

“Oh” - Sent at 1:47

It was unsettling, my gut was telling me to run and storm in at the same time. As I got closer to your room, Felix and Changbin saw me, with wide eyes and open mouths. Flies could’ve nested in there. I smiled at them and tried to greet them but it seemed like they struggled to realize I was here. So I ignored it and just continued to walk down the hallway. 

“Uh. I- He-” I turned around with a confused expression and Changbin pointed down the hall and said “Sorry, uh. He’s at the farthest door to your left.” He wouldn’t make eye contact with me, all he could focus on was the green cactus painting on the wall beside me. “Okay.”

I opened the door, and for some reason, my eyes wouldn’t focus for a few seconds. It was like my brain was literally trying to protect me from you, or maybe I was just dizzy. I had the biggest grin on my face though, I looked like a child. Similar to when you wanted the stuffed snake. I propped my back up and was getting ready to present the flowers to you. 

It wasn’t what I expected. It was you but it was almost like it wasn’t you. Your personality was different. I saw you dance before from staying late nights with you but this was so different. It was like I never knew you. You were dancing with her in such a way but I didn’t think anything much of it. It was your job so why would I be jealous? But then the song finished. 

You held on her waist and pulled her in closer. You didn’t even do that to me when I picked you up from the airport six months ago. You just held my hand, said ‘Hi’ and continued to face your phone as we walked out. You didn’t see me for about four months. Then you kissed her and my stomach dropped. My gut was warning me to flee and I began to feel green with sickness. 

You pulled away like it was the most natural feeling like you’ve been doing it for at least a year. Chan, what the fuck happened? Why didn’t you just break up with me instead of being a damn coward? Then you spoke to me, thinking I was one of your friends. “Did you get my phone? Y/n becomes overdramatic when I don’t respond.”

Then she laughed. She fucking laughed like you said such an amazing joke and you smiled at her. Like what you said just wasn’t offensive or rude. Like there wasn’t a secret between you two like I was never holding you two back. You didn’t defend me at all. For some reason, I thought you had a small sliver of good in you, despite the situation unfolding in front of me and you didn’t. 

I couldn’t respond, the lack of one made you turn around and you looked at my shoes. You stared at me in disbelief, you knew who I was and I could see the fear in your eyes. You both froze but your tears were forming in your eyes. I firmly believe they were crocodile tears. You didn’t even make eye contact with me, your stare moved to the flowers, more specifically my hands. I was clenching them so hard, my hands were bleeding from the thorns. 

I’ll admit. I am a coward. I couldn’t say anything to you two. I smiled with tears running down my face. I set down the bloody flowers by her things on the bench. For some reason, I was painfully aware that I was wearing your jacket so I took it off and let it fall on the floor as I walked out. 

“I’m sorry.”

 I wasn’t sure who said it. You, her or your friends. Why did any of you think that “apology” was going to work? You cheated. You betrayed me and ruined every shed of hope and trust in you or any potential lovers in my future. 

If she said sorry, clearly she said it from fear. Not from regret or guilt. I knew she was terrified about her reputation being ruined.

If your friends said it when I was walking out, bullshit. They clearly knew from the beginning and covered for you. 

Fuck all of you. 

I walked out of that building in the cold but somewhat warm air. I no longer had the warmth of the jacket either. It was two in the morning and the sun was barely coming up. I walked my way to the hotel walking towards the sun, with the promise ring burning into my ring finger. Everything was ruined for me that night and I hate you so much for wasting four years of my time. 

I hate you so much that I miss you. I hate the fact that I miss you. 

So, I am leaving this letter in my old apartment as a goodbye and that I will force myself to move on. I don’t want to deal with the painful memories of this apartment, the only thing I have taken from this place was my clothes. I have no idea if you will come and take what is yours but of course, that’s for you to decide. 

Good luck, Y/n.”

She left the letter with the promise ring I gave her. She didn’t lie, she left everything that was mine in this apartment. I couldn’t stop crying, I fucked up so badly. 

Although, I think you haven’t been home for five months.

I swear I still love you. I miss you.

As I walked out of the apartment, I took a last look, getting ambushed with our past memories. 

“Do you still think of me?”

#stray kids #bangchan #bang chan #fluff #angst #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #bang chris #felix #jisung #lee know #changbin #hyunjin #Han jisung #Lee felix #Kim seungmin #seungmin #I.N #yang jeongin #kpop #skz scenarios #skz fic #skz drabbles #skz #skz fluff #skz angst #skz fanfic

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Okay so last week was a shitkicker and was literally so bad I spent the better part of the week trying to delude myself into thinking it was a good day. Like, we're talking, "the sun is shining and I'm here to see it so today is a good day" and "I'm having a bad day- fuck me I am not haveing a bad day- I'm having a good day- I'm not having a bad day". Denial is a powerful tool for mental health, apply judiciously. I get that everyone on earth is kinda having a shitty year but it feels like things just kinda escalated in my little corner

The 7th had a huge snow storm that brought traffic to a stand still. No one could leave the house and university class was online anyway. Batshit customer demanded to pick up her gear anyway. I drove in because I was the only person with keys to the shop that could get to the building. It took me a solid 2 hours going 15mph on the highway. The snow in the parking lot was up past the fenders of my truck. Crazy lady gets 10 out of 18 of her survival suits back but the other 8 still have holes in them because our only repair tech is also the only one who answers the phone or runs the computer or handles customers or cleans or disinfects anything or stores gear. I'll give you one guess who that person is.

Did you guess me? Good for you. Fun fact this was not the case in October.

Crazy lady swans off through the snowed in parking lot and because she cant find the exit, blasts straight through the ditch and onto the road.

I say fuck it and leave. I've been at work for 2 hours. I have made 24 dollars for my trouble. It takes me another hour to get home.

The 8th is Saturday and I'm supposed to be at work. No one can drive. There was another 10 8nches of snow last night. I say fuck work and go to dig out the plow truck. The canopy over the plow truck collapses as I walk out to clear the snow of it.

I do not scream.

My partner and I get the truck running and go plow people out of their driveways and then go do the shop.

We come back home and the heater doesn't work. We just spent most of last week frantically trying to limp the thing along because no heat at -20°F is in a word fucking unpleasant. At least now its 40 degrees warmer because if the snowstorm. We take it apart again. The house smells like diesel. The house smells like exhaust. The house is not cold because the wood stove can keep up at 20 above zero but it won't keep us through the winter.

There is no saving the oil heater. We need a new one.

Its 730 and neither of us have eaten. I start rice in the pressure cooker so I can throw a tasty bite on top and call it dinner and that dies too. Explosively.

Dinner is half cooked rice and microwaved curry.

Sunday is spent finding a way to stretch our increasingly thin budget to buy a new heater. Between us we actually have 2275$ and we will still cover the mortgage. Somehow. All our Christmas gifts will be hand made this year. The next thing that breaks will stay broken.

Monday, power outages due to snow storm. No wifi, no zoom meetings. Another 8 inches of snow. This is now more snow than my city gets for the full year.

My boss calls sobbing. The dog died. Joey, an 11 year old, 130lb mastiff with a tumor the size of a football on his liver has been her constant companion for at least 8 years. The pandemic has confused the bejesus out of him because while he loves the lock down and going out to play every hour or so he doesnt really like the concept of strangers in masks. Hes a guard dog and doesnt understand that men in masks coming into the shop are not here to kill mom they're wearing masks so they don't kill mom.

Mondays the shop is closed anyway and I spend it installing the new heater. It doesn't quite fit in the space the old heater came out of but its warm.

Tuesday, I go to work, everyone cancels class, I once again gently explain to a regular that eugenics is bad. I would like to curse him out. I cant. He drops a grand on scuba gear and leaves, talking about how great his trip to Mexico will be.

I do not scream.

A friend calls to ask how I'm doing. Not great. Yea, her niether. She asks if I want to go out to the backcountry with her over the weekend. I explain that my leg physically does not move and I'm downing copious amounts of advil to remain upright. The doctor sent me in for an MRI but has not yet called back. Plus I'm supposed to go to Valdez for the weekend and actually go diving. That I can do with limited use of my leg.

She says yikes, take it easy, take care of yourself, I love you.

I say, yikes, I'm tired of taking it easy, I wanna play, I love you too.

Hit me up if your plans open up and we can do something gentle on your leg. She says.

God yes. The cold woods away from people sounds like paradise. I dont even care that it will cause me rending physical pain to get there. I need a break.

Its Wednesday. I go to school. I get pulled over. Miraculously I dont get a ticket. I'm white female and conventionaly attractive, maybe not so miraculous. I rolled through a stop sign but I'm pretty sure I couldn't afford a ticket.

I get a text in class. One of the instructors who works with the dive shop has tested positive for covid. I haven't seen the man in 2 months. I needed a spare instructor but he was nowhere to be found. But hey, evidently that's a good thing.

I go to work. I vacillate between doing the job a 4 people and having nothing to do.

I go to the grocery store because I misjudged my last monthly grocery run and even though I'm increasing my exposure I'm out of cheese and tea damnit.

The store is packed. Pandemic who?

My partner and I haven't had a date nite in a while and this week has been shitty. I want a nice dinner. I pick up a couple boxes of the carton sushi which isnt terrible and is about as nice as I can justify on the new budget. I grab a gallon of milk and a few other things. I forgot my wallet in the truck and the cashier is chill and sets my stuff aside while I grab it.

I pay and take my stuff home and realize I left one of my bags at the store. No cheese or tea for me.

Thursday. 10am my phone goes off with an emergency alert. The govoner has grown a spine in light of recent elections and is instituting a voluntary lock down. My state has 500 new cases a day. That might not sound like a lot but theres only 300,000 people in Alaska and we've got poor medical infrastructure.

Unfortunately Alaska is full of Alaskans and nobody can tell us what to do. Nothing changes. 7pm rolls around and I'm teaching scuba classes in the pool.

I load a few hundred pounds of scuba gear into the back of my truck. In a wet wetsuit. In the snow. In a fabric facemask. 6 feet apart. In the pool.

I dont get paid for pool time.

Over the summer we had 6 dive masters including me, all big burly dudes, much better suited to picking things up. Its November and I'm the only one.

The kids I'm teaching are going to Hawaii. They're 10 and 13 and so wildly excited about breathing underwater its beautiful to watch. And they're traveling to an island. In a pandemic.

Friday.

Unload scuba gear so it doesnt get stolen out of the back of my truck while I'm at class. Were doing a make up lab today. Hey of the five student in my class only one of us has covid so theres that.

My boss calls an let's me know that shes left for Valdez without me. If I'd like to make an 8 hour drive by myself in a snowstorm I'm welcome to follow.

I'm in class till an hour before shop closing. I'm not driving across town so I can run on the open sign for half an hour.

The shop stays closed on Friday.

Saturday.

I explained to everyone we had business with that the shop would be closed over the weekend and Friday. I planned on being in Valdez. Hell I canceled plans to be in Valdez.

I open the shop and immediately field calls about why we werent open. I start to explain about the Valdez trip and logistical difficulties and then I realize that shes not mad about that. The woman was here before I opened early this morning. We have never been open that early. The hours are on the door.

A regular comes in. Hes also confused as to why I'm here.

Sunday finds me curled up in bed, reluctant to leave. Getting out of bed has not played out well for me recently.

A friend comes over to chat with my partner about specialist rifle parts. This isnt that wierd, he works at a gun shop and they've been discussing upgrading my partners current rifle set up.

He is wearing a full Scottish kilt. Red tartan. Looks very lovely.

I make zucchini bread and my proportions are a little off because I have too much zucchini so it's a little over moist but it's good. I'm recovering from an asskicker of a week and next week will be better.

Monday morning:

Baby brother has covid

Dads getting the results of his rapid test tonight.

Mom isnt getting tested because she says she doesnt have symptoms but that's not the fucking point mom.

So, I'm not going home for thanksgiving. I'm not diving in Valdez. I'm not skiing backcountry.

I'm not sick. I'm not flat broke yet. I dont have a ticket. I have a job. I have people who care about me. Im managing my physical and mental health as best I can. Im just fucking exhausted.

#vent post #writing #holy fuuuuuck #2020

[fanaticfangirl001]

What Do You Say, Queenie?

John Bender x reader

Author’s note: Kids don’t smoke. Also sorry for the Freddie Mercury mention but like it’s the 80’s. Also I’m trying to not describe the reader as much. I hope it’s okay.

Warning: Swearing but done by me to describe John.

Request: Hi, please could I request a John bender x reader imagine where the reader always has to take care of her younger siblings (her parents are never around), she’s driving home one night in the rain with the kids and sees John (who she has a crush on) on a bench because he’s got nowhere to go, she lets him stay with them. He’s amazed that she’s able to look after them all and he gets along well with the kids and eventually John and the reader kiss and get together is this okay? Sorry it’s so long💚 

@10blurredsmoke10

Song Recommendations: Bad Reputation by Shawn Mendes, Somebody To Love by Queen(Had to, sorry not sorry) 

Most of the teenagers that go to Sherman High, prefer the front parking spots for easy access to the building but Y/n is a little different. She prefers the parking spot by the dumpster. Mostly for the view. The view of one “immoral” delinquents that leans against the fence beside the dumpster as he smokes. Her tinted car windows hide the fact that she’s staring at him. His lips curl around the cigarette and Y/n could imagine his lips doing something else.

She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. Y/n had made a huge change, regarding her hair. It was a risk using a picture of Freddie Mercury for his wavy shoulder length voluminous hair, but Y/n wanted a change. She had just had her braces taken off and her teeth were beautifully straight and pearly white. No longer did she have a picket fence mouth.  No longer could stuck up female dogs named Claire tell her how she’s unattractive and could never find a man. Your father’s law firm, is Mr.Standish’s favorite to use, whenever he needs one, which is often. Your and her father were close professional relationship.

As long as your concerned is fine, as he’s always paid your father more than enough. Between yourself, and three younger brothers, neither of you have ever wanted for anything. You wanted records, you got records, you wanted concert tickets, you saw Queen three times and with every hip shake Freddie preformed you swooned like the other women in the audience. But would records and concert tickets make up for countless days and nights alone. No one to hold you after a nightmare. You were that person for your brothers just as your mother had been for you before she was sick and passed away. Your father’s second wife, the one he was sleeping with while your mother was in the hospital, is only a few years older than yourself and  often away getting manicures and massages, leaving you picking up her sons, triplets, aged 3 years old, and caring for them until she gets home late at night.

You check your bright red lipstick in your car’s mirror. Slinging her backover over her shoulder Y/n starts walking away when someone starts following her and appears beside her.

“That color doesn’t suit you.” A feminine voice says from a car beside where Y/n is walking.

Y/n doesn’t look beside her, she doesn’t need to. It’s Claire.

“Screw off, princess.” A familiar voice says and following him a cloud of smoke.”Only room in this school for a Queen.” John gestures to Y/n.

“You screw off.” Claire retorts getting out of her car and slamming the door, shoving past the both of them.

“Morning, Y/n,” John nods, then runs past Claire making her skirt flip up.

Y/n couldn’t help but laugh a little at Claire’s red face after what John did. I should probably tell him that I can handle Claire myself, wonder why he cares and called me Queen. It’s probably the hair, he recognizes it. Fuck he’s going to make fun of me.

History, English, Math went by very quickly. Gym class drags on most days. . You were sitting on the girl’s side of the gym while John was on the boys.

“Alright, boys and girls, pair up. We’re doing a dance unit.” The gym coach screeches.

John’s scan over the girls, most were trying to find guys except for Y/n she stood off to the side, Andrew starts walking over to Y/n.

‘Nope,’ John thinks,’ Not on my watch.’

Long legs are John’s only advantages over Andrew, and the fact that John nonchalantly tripped him before he could ask Y/n to be his partner.

“So Y/n.” John leans against the wall. “ Guess we’re only two without partners.”

“I uh guess so, even if you did trip Andrew.” Y/n says trying not to blush.

‘Dancing involves hand placement,’ Y/n thinks. He’s going to have his hand on my waist.

“I didn’t trip him, just helped him to the ground, with my foot.” John gets off the wall as the coaches are herding teenagers onto the middle of the gym floor.

“Very considerate of you.” Y/n laughs as she pulls John to the group.

John’s moving slowly allowing himself to be pulled by Y/n and still being a little shit.

“Today all of you are going to learn how to ballroom dance. Because all of today’s dancing is hip thrusting, and gyrating.” The coach begins the lesson.

“Ooo, hip thrusting.” John whispers. “So sinful.”

Y/n stifles her laughter with her hand.

“Mr.Bender, and Ms. L/N, would you two like to demonstrate the hand placement, since this is very humorous to you.” The coach says.

John says “ We’ll give it a shot.,” He looks at you,” What do you say Queenie?” ,

“Uh, sure.” Y/n and John go to the front of the gym.

The silence of the gym is overtaken by whispers and wide-eyed stares. You were known as a rich quiet girl with braces with attached headgear and suddenly you’re wearing tight jeans,snakeskin top, red lipstick, and hair modeled after a man that wears women’s clothing and flounces around on stage.

Y/n expertly holds John’s hand and puts her other hand on his shoulders. John smirks and puts his remaining hand in her back pocket, only for her to pick his hand out of her pocket and place it on her waist.

“Can’t blame me for trying.” John laughs.

“Mr.Bender, since you find this so entertaining, why don’t you demonstrate a box step.” Coach says messing with the radio.

“I think everyone knows how to step forward, sideways, and back.” John retorts.

Y/n eyes widen, she wasn’t expecting John of all people to know what a box step is.

“Indulge me.” The coach says.

John rolls his eyes, and steps forward, sideways and back making a little square on the floor, and then twirls Y/n around.

The coach makes John and Y/n go back to their spot on the floor, and turns the music on so other couples can practice.

As Y/n follows John’s steps, she asks “ How do you know how to dance?”

“Dancing’s a prelude to sex, and I have a lot of that,so.” He answers.

“And you wanted to dance with me?” Y/n tries to flirt.

“Don’t think nothin’ of it, just didn’t want Andrew to crush your feet.” John answers coolly not recognizing that Y/n is trying to flirt.

The dancing class ends and the rest of the day continues with same pace of the morning classes. The bell of the last class rings and students run out of the building as the dark grey sky begins to open and pour down rain. Y/n runs to the back off the school near the dumpster to her car and tosses her backpack into the passenger seat.

She drives home and tosses her bag in her room and cleans up the kitchen and living room. The playroom can be cleaned up later. The pick up time for the preschool that her half-brothers are at, is at six but with the thunder storm she decides to pick up the boys a little early. With her homework finished, she packs up the car and heads over to the preschool.

Aiden, Freddie, and Michale wave with the owner of the school at the car.

Y/n grabs the umbrella from the car and brings each of the boys to the car. Once everyone is buckled Y/n starts the car and pulls out of the parking lot. The darkening sky and heavy rain cause her to drive slowly as her brothers in the back seat raced raindrops. Freddie’s raindrop was wining and Aiden didn’t like this and didn’t want to play anymore so he looked out the window.

“Sissy, there’s a hobo in the grass.” Aiden yells.

Y/n’s slows the car to a stop beside the stop sign before their neighborhood.

    She looks out the window,” That’s not a hobo, that’s..John.”

She pulls off the road and steps out of the car with an umbrella.

John sits up completely drenched, his jacket wrapped against his shoulders like a makeshift umbrella. The white shirt clings to his chest and torso.

“What are you doing outside?” Y/n asks holding the umbrella over him.

“Nowhere to go, Queenie.” John shot back. “You’re getting wet now.”

“You like kids, John?” Y/n looks back to the three boys with their faces smushed against the window looking like little piglets.

“Never met any.” He shrugs standing up.

“Get in. “ Y/n opens the door for him.

The three boys start giggling as John sits down and the car starts moving

“Boys, be nice, this is John, a friend from school.”

“Do you like our sissy?” Aiden asks getting down to brass tacks.

“Uh she’s nice.” John answers a little taken back by the child’s bluntness.  

“Please ignore them.” Y/n says pulling into the driveway.

Once she turns off the car, the boys are out and running to the door.

“You take care of them.” John asks once the boys are inside and run up the white stairs in the middle of a fancy house.

“Yeah, my uh stepmom isn’t the most maternal, and doesn’t like being around her kids or me for that matter .” Y/n sits on the couch.

John sits by her. “ That’s messed up, what happens when you leave?”

“I don’t know.” Y/n shrugs.” I can’t abandon them.They’re my brothers.”

“Half.” John reminds.

“If I don’t take care of them, than a nanny will, and you know what that means.” Y/n leans towards him.

“They become emotionally constipated.” John answers.

“No, well yeah but worse, they become spoiled brats and then become lawyers.” Y/n smirks.

“Ew.” John says.

“Yeah ew.” Y/n nudges him. “ Help me make dinner.”

*45 minutes later*

“So you put them to bed too?” John asks.

“Yup. I normally read them a bedtime story but..” Y/n gestures towards the two of them.

With the upstairs lights off and three little boys sleepily closing their eyes, Y/n rejoins John at the bottom of the steps.

“Queenie, I’ve been thinking.” John starts and gently pulls her down when he realizes she’s still standing.

“Go on.” Y/n says with a small smile, “ I’m listening.”

“What do you say, Queenie, be my girl?” John asks looking up at Y/n awaiting her answer.

She doesn’t answer, Y/n grabs John’s collar pulls him closer and kisses him.

#john bender imagines #john bender #john bender x reader

[thought-42]

Clone Wars fic day two

Today on the random Clone Wars modern day au: Cody and Obi-Wan stand outside in the cold and talk about Obi-Wan's relationship with academia while Anakin and Kix actually learn things. Part One is Here 

In March, Anakin texts Obi-Wan to inform him they're going to the open sciences conference at the university.

'Do I have a choice in this?' Obi-Wan responds.

'Absolutely not'. And then, 'Cody will be there. And there's a bunch of theoretical math talks.'

'I don't see how either of those things is meant to make this more appealing.'

Anakin calls him just so Obi-Wan can hear him laughing.

The following Thursday Obi-Wan meets Anakin and Kix on campus. He's a little hungover, and the clusters of students and professors in jeans and carrying coffees and laptops is making him painfully nostalgic for his own school days. He should have remained in academia, but having been absent three years he's not sure he could fit back in as comfortably as everyone around him seems to.

"Cody's just paying for parking," Kix says. He's got a printed out schedule of the conference sessions, red and blue underlining scattered across the paper.

"You should decide which talks you want to go to," Anakin tells Obi-Wan. He's only wearing a hoody, and Obi-Wan can see him shivering.

"The idea is for us to spend time together," Obi-Wan says. "I'm sure whatever you've picked out will be interesting."

"Stop making it weird!" Anakin says, frustrated.

"It's not making it weird," Obi-Wan snaps. "Honestly, Anakin, why even ask me to come if you're not interested in spending time together?"

"Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell Mace you did your required weekly hour of mentoring," Anakin snipes back.

"You know that's not what I mean."

"This seems... productive," Cody says, jogging up.

"This is how they communicate," Kix says. "As long as there's nobody else around. Eventually I assume the urge to smash their heads together fades."

"Fuck off," Anakin tells Kix, snatching the schedule out of his hand and waving it in Obi-Wan's face. "I told you, there's math shit in here. Pick something, seriously. You paid for the tickets, the least you should get is to learn about something your interested in."

"Have you considered there's a reason I don't work in my field of study?" Obi-Wan retorts.

"Umm, because real world jobs where a BSC in mathematics is useful don't actually exist? Do not try to make this into a tragic backstory, math did not kill your parents in a back alley."

Cody looks alarmed. Obi-Wan holds up a hand. "I never knew my parents. I sincerely doubt they were murdered, in a back alley or otherwise."

"...So we'll go to our respective talks and meet up for lunch?" Cody asks, clearly trying to move the conversation along.

"Thank you!" Anakin says. "At least somebody gets how this is supposed to work."

"I'm going in," Kix says. "Anakin, put your fucking gloves on before you get frostbite. Obi-Wan, drink some goddamn water. Hi, Cody."

"Hang on," says Anakin, and, handing the schedule to Cody, he follows after Kix.

"Well," Obi-Wan says, acerbically, "if this doesn't count as enriching the youth, I don't know what does."

Cody scans the schedule. "You think they would have gone to this on their own?" he says. "Setting aside the part where you paid, university campuses aren't exactly the most welcoming space."

"I think it's lovely here," Obi-Wan says. "I'm quite jealous, actually. Uni was fun."

"You studied maths?"

"The second time around, yes. I did creative writing at Newcastle because I believed it would be widely applicable, then Maths here because it seemed very practical and it upset Qui-Gon terribly."

"And now?" Cody asks.

"Now I do the overnight shifts at one of the transitional housing residences on the East Side and take whatever shifts Starbucks is willing to give me. Luckily Qui-Gon's step-father firmly believes that all one needs to get ahead in life is to be smarter and richer than your opponents, so I haven't got any student debt."

"But you want to go back to school," Cody says. It is, uncomfortably, not a question. "Why don't you? If I can ask."

Most people could not, in fact, ask, yet Obi-Wan finds himself shrugging, burrowing his face deeper into the collar of his coat. "I want... to do something useful. Academia is lovely and valuable, but I suppose at the end of the day Qui-Gon has had the strongest influence in my life. I could easily let myself vanish into an ivory tower, get lost in debates and publishing and drinking my way through conferences across the continent. Perhaps I'd even be doing something worthwhile. It seems a very cozy, though permanently precarious life. But it also seems very... removed. Very detached. I'm certain there are plenty of academics out there who can approach their area of study from a theoretical viewpoint while not losing touch with the more human, on-the-ground aspects of it, but I don't trust myself to be one of them. Besides, I don't even know what I would study. It's the idealized aesthetics of academia I want, not the reality. Besides, I have enough friends at the universities that I never want for journal access." "And making coffee and watching over a sleeping house is making a difference?" Cody asks. In unspoken accord they start walking towards the front doors of the engineering building.

"Two nights ago I was able to keep a young person alive long enough after an unintentional overdose that the paramedics were able to get them to hospital. Three weeks ago I convinced a different person not to kill themself this month. A week before that I helped one of our residents use the office computer to set up a video call so she could talk to her daughter who lives in California. She's Deaf, and can't afford a smartphone, so it was the first time they've been able to talk this year."

Cody's gaze has dropped, and Obi-Wan frowns. "I'm not... trying to come across as some sort of... white knight," he says, a little anxious. "Qui-Gon is an excellent guide for how not to act. But... yes, perhaps it's self-indulgent and arrogant of me, but I want to do some sort of concrete good and as of the moment I feel as if I am. The coffee... well, it helps my bills and my caffeine addiction."

Cody smiles a bit at this last, as Obi-wan hoped he would, and Obi-Wan releases a mental sigh of relief. Cody holds up the schedule.

"I admit," he says, "I have no idea what half of the words on this even mean. So unlike Anakin, you can feel free to drag me along to all the mathematics talks you want with no fear that you're keeping me from something more interesting."

"You wouldn't rather be with Kix in that case?"

"I'll join him this afternoon," Cody says. "Right now he's still well-caffeinated and just thrilled to be here. By this afternoon he'll be more comfortable and ready to pick fights. Though I'm wondering if the same can be said for you."

"I haven't any idea what you're talking about," Obi-Wan says.

"Anakin I bet is just happy to meet people like him and will want to be everybody's best friend. But Kix is here to learn, and if he thinks somebody else is getting in the way of that, or is teaching something incorrectly, he won't have much patience for it. And I bet as soon as you walk through these doors your dormant academic asshole will be fully awakened."

"Kix is going to be an incredible doctor one day," Obi-Wan says. "And I wouldn't blame him for his lack of patience. He'll need a scholarship, so the more he can learn the better. And... Cody. Sometimes people are just... wrong. And it's our duty, as the more informed party, to educate them."

"You've thrown a textbook at someone, haven't you?" Cody says, resignedly.

"Absolutely not," Obi-Wan says. "...it was a computer mouse. And I may have poured a drink on a professor's head, but it was entirely justified."

Cody rubs his temples. "Come on," he says. "I'll get you a bottle of water and a shitty coffee before we get started."

#Obi Wan Kenobi #Commander cody #Codywan #tumblrfic tag #Star Wars Why? #sorry if this is bad i had a pretty bad headache while I was writing #plus if I put actual thought into this universe I wouldn't ever post anything for it #so! fun casual writing! write self-indulgently 2019 #tomorrow: Obi-Wan breaks his ankle probably

[patronus]

i just need to rant please excuse me, i don't know how to add a read more break on mobile anymore

i just really hate the situation that i am in. so far, i have been really fortunate with this virus. sure, i'm stuck in a foreign continent on my own, in one of the countries most infected by the virus. but for the most part i've just been (re)exploring interests old and new in my room, while still getting paid. well, that's ending this month. my flight back got cancelled, and getting a refund is a pain, it might take until next year. so until then, goodbye almost 400€. and because my flight got cancelled, instead of this month being the last month i had to pay rent, i have to pay rent again in june. and then who knows how much the new ticket will be, if i can even fly back. but then i also can't afford to stay, because my new job (which is on the other end of the country, also requiring a flight, and flat hunting will cost some too for temporary accomodation, deposits, etc) and the next time i will get paid is november. i just cannot afford it. i really wanted to get to save but instead i just hope i don't use up all that's left lol. if i can go back july and the new flight isn't too expensive it'll be okay but i got lucky enough with this one and most flights cost almost a thousand euros, or over.

on a smaller scale, i am sometimes being driven crazy because, well, i live with this lady. and i adore her, i call her my spanish mom. and i adore her family too. but then they moved here, and. i like them, but not really to live with them. to be fair, i ideally want to live alone. i don't like most people really being in my space, not that it's mine, it's hers, but for the time being i call it mine because it's where i stay. and they're loud, it drives me crazy. it's like, don't these people have their own house? it was supposed to be a quiet two-person place. but it's not really a formal arrangement so i can't complain but to just take note to myself to never do this again. and there's a kid. she's 5 and i love her when i don't live with her, but living with her just makes me more convinced i don't want my own kids. i love my students and i call them my kids but i don't have to be with them all the time. sometimes i hear her outside just screaming and/or crying and i just can't. also, when her mom's boyfriend is over, i hear them fucking smooching and it's disgusting, why do they kiss so loud. it's that smooch sound too. so then it's that loud whatever while i try to avoid leaving my room, because whenever i go out i have to like, mini socialise. not even the good kind but the pleasantries.

so yeah i really just want to go back. i've been done here since march but now i'm extra done because i won't be getting paid anymore and i just want to relax and see my dogs again

#personal #text