#i only ever ramble about this type of thing in private with my equally as insane friends | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yoimix · 3 years

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haikyuu!! as types of best friends.

➼ ft. hinata, sugawara, bokuto, osamu+atsumu.

➼ playlist. talk too much - coin, higher - banks, romanticism - mrs green apple, me and my friends - james vincent mcmorrow

➼ a/n. these have light bff2l undertones hhn i love that trope, pls forgive me. </3 + there’s some timeskip spoilers for atsumu & osamu’s part.

❀ hinata :-

i wish the childhood best friends trope a very good evening.

no one’s better than hinata at making friends, even if you met after he spiked a ball into your face. you’re childhood best friends too !! so imagine being a child and having to pick up this goofball by the scruff, who has the audacity to ask you to play with him after giving you a scratched up forehead and teary eyes from a ball to the face. but, like, you were the one who said yes so it’s on you :-)

sometimes you bicker but it’s ok bc he would literally go to the ends of the earth for you if you asked. no kidding. he hates sitting still anyway so he’ll just gravitate towards where you are like you’re the sun. also gets you taiyaki in the evenings but climbs in through your window instead of using the front door like a normal person. (he has too much energy </3) if you hear someone yelling your name outside your window and ranting about volleyball games, you know who it is.

ok when he makes you mad with his bullheadedness, you'll be complaining with kageyama (who agrees vehemently) and hinata gets pissy bc you get along a little too well when you're throwing insults about him. (he's not jealous, no, of course not.) but.. how long can you stay mad at this sunshine child anyway?? you'll be pretending you never got mad at all within a few hours and go back to joking around.

he gets distracted if you're watching a match sometimes (bokuto somehow got it into his head that he needs to show off in front of you) so you got banned from watching. he overcomes it later on so you can cheer him on in his jersey too <3

gives you ALL his attention when you talk or even complain about your life. he reacts a lot to whatever you have to say so you have to pretend there aren’t people behind you glaring at hinata for having the same decibel sound level as a jet engine.

you have matching keychains you bought at a local fair !!! (you got a pochacco one for hinata but it’s super worn out by now so he keeps it in his wallet instead.)

he has not won a single multiplayer video game against you (*cough cough* mario kart *cough*) and you don’t even have to be good at it. if you call him a loser, he’ll lose even harder. gets unnecessarily mad at just dance and you have to calm him down.

... you’ve probably kissed bc the two of you (mostly him) were too eager for a first kiss and you got fed up with his pubescent ramblings and ended up kissing him. and then had an early mid-life crisis bc you guys are definitely just friends. (unless.. unless he doesn’t think that way.. surprise surprise 😳) also he's.. kind of bad for make out practice... it’s like kissing a month old puppy.. sorry :/. if you happen to make a lot of offhand comments and tease him about his kissing skills, he WILL turn tomato red and argue in gibberish. only do that in private bc the rest of the world thinks you’re sickeningly cute together >:(

overall, your best friend is a ball of sunshine (who occasionally pisses you off) and your #1 motivation to get out of bed. it's mostly bc he's somehow there to get you out of bed though you've repeatedly told him to not climb in through your window. at least the sun is smiling upon you every day <3

❀ sugawara :-

being best friends with him is such a secure relation !!

he’s your soft place to fall but also would provide gentle (not so gentle) reminders for your wellbeing (STUDY!!! WATER!!!! BREAKFAST!!). doesn’t get mad when you say you skipped breakfast but gives you this look of disappointment which is 100x more effective. still gets a granola bar for you though. also he literally carries bandaids for u and he’s been doing that since second grade bc you fell off the swing ONCE. you know, just in case. if you’re an accident-prone hazard to society, you’re in luck.

BEST HUGS especially if you had a rough day and want to sob into his shoulder. if u damage his $85 hoodie tho, he will make u do his laundry and also buy snacks for him. but like he is so soft (his skin is SUPER soft bc he actually follows a skincare routine now) and cuddly like a teddy bear, it's a small price to pay for salvation.

he will hype you up for anything you do !!!! new outfit? offers to be your personal photographer. scored an A+? will treat u to your fav ice-cream. new job? will tell everyone just how proud he is.

ALWAYS shares the last bite with you and smiles to himself when you eat it so contented. also!!! hanging out at cafes and taking cute pictures is a must <3 even though you’re not dating, you’ll have photos together that make you look a real couple which ensue teasing from daichi and asahi and admiration/jealousy from noya and tanaka. also he gets weirdly protective of you around the team (i’m looking at the moron quartet) and you have to pull the “koushi you’re not my mom” card. it really strikes a chord with him when you say that out loud.

will egg your ex's house with you if you say the word. somehow gets more pissed than you at your ex (if they're a shitty one). it's kind of scary when he's mad too so.... good luck calming him down. he's also really good at sarcastic trash talk so if you happen to meet your ex on the street... send prayers for their self-esteem.

you don't really fight often but if you happen to disagree, he'll go about it in a pretty mature way and talk it out. if you pick a fight on purpose, he'll catch on to it and either tickle you (excessively) or flick your forehead as punishment for trying to rile him up. it’s impossible to prank him!!!!! it’s like he’s got a sixth sense or something so you might as well give up on anything of the sort.

you said you want to get a dog (or cat) with him in the near future and he somehow equated that to having children. turned bright red and started saying it’s too soon to be thinking of that while you had daichi stop you from smacking some sense into your overly imaginative best friend. (i mean, you do need to live together if you want to raise a pet sooo)

his lockscreen is a picture of the two of you so a lot of people who try to hit on him take the hint quick. he says it’s unintentional but you know he can be terribly scheming at times. if you say something like “why don’t you date me for real, coward” he will malfunction and not be able to look you in the eye. (“don’t joke around, y/n” “what if i’m not” “it kind of feels illegal to date you” “what do you mean?!💢”)

anyway you are one lucky mf if you have sugawara koushi as your best friend even if there are both ups and downs (mostly ups). having someone care for you so blatantly certainly makes the question of romance arise but you’re content with the most loving best friend ever.

❀ bokuto :-

you guys are the “two best friends in a room, we might kiss” “yes we will” “what” type of best friends PLS

it doesn’t matter what stage of life you met him, it’ll feel like you’ve been best friends since the beginning of time.

it’s just so easy to make friends with this airhead and by god’s gift, you cannot physically get annoyed at this man. sometimes his friends will complain about him being forgetful or blunt but you’re just there like. yeah. that’s bokuto. love him for it. (you seem to have a lot of patience.)

he probably gets into trouble with authority unwittingly, so save your weekends to sweet talk his way out after accidentally implying the coach has a weak mindset. afterwards, you go get ice cream or something and hang out at the dog park to forget it happened. (the amount of second hand embarrassment bokuto has given you though... you need some hard drugs to forget all of it.)

you probably make a lot of friends through him in high school/college but at the end of the day, it’s just you and him and sometimes akaashi making sure you guys are alive. if you guys are alone together on a friday night, you’ll still be having fun!! very often, it takes shape as karaoke :-) bokuto thinks he’s really great at rapping for some reason (he’s not) so cue you screaming the lyrics in an attempt to ruin your part of the song equally. also he always sets the key wrong??? although you sing the same songs each time?? sometimes he picks a song neither of you have ever heard and the both of you try to guess the melody. he’s terrible at it but at least he’s funny. there’s not a single song he hasn’t had a voice crack in.

if you go clubbing/partying with him, get prepared to be introduced as the friend of “the guy who did four keg stands in a row before proceeding to do a cartwheel unprompted and somehow not throw up”. is on first name basis with the bartenders/hosts and gets you free drinks. also gets hit on often but is oblivious unless they’re being very straightforward. if he’s not into them... you have to pull the s/o card and save his ass. oh also he barks at anyone that gets near your drink.

will always exaggerate when introducing you to new people. “y/n and i met when i saved them from drowning a terrible death.” “it was the children’s pool and you were the one that was screaming.” “and then y/n didn’t really thank me but it’s not like heroes need thanks to do the right thing.” “kou, i will push you into a pool right now, let’s see how well you swim.” (he learned swimming to impress you so joke’s on you.)

he likes to watch you do stuff at the end of the day, so if you see him go o_o at you doing homework, you can just put your earphones on and focus on your work. even if he’s making.. a strangely.. adorable expression. also LOVES to listen to you talk about your day when he’s tired, he says it helps him sleep better (so expect a lot of nighttime calls). moreover, if you say you had a bad dream, he’ll comfort you with his ridiculously confident tone of voice (unless the dream was about something bad happening to him, then he’ll freak out and you’ll have to comfort him instead </3)

ok one thing that’s annoying about him is that he probably leaves food crumbs over your stuff like laptop, bed sheet, etc. you clean it up but bokuto.. is a bit... distracted to notice the mess he’s making. it’s usually pretty difficult to get him to be more aware, but like your glare is enough to make him at least try to be careful from the next time. (either that or he’s become sensitive to your change in mood/emotions bc you know... you’re best friends after all.)

i’m not gonna lie, he probably catches feelings for you at some point. he wants to, like, keep it lowkey bc akaashi told him to take your feelings into consideration too but?? it’s so hard?? you’re literally so pretty?? everything you say is like music to him??? he reacts reflexively to all the firecracker feelings u give him. he probably says he likes you all the time but you dismiss it with “as a friend right :-)”. there’s no climbing up from that one, sorry bokuto.

to summarize, if a moody golden retriever was your human best friend.exe

❀ miya twins :-

they feel like a set. it would be strange to have one of the twins as a bff and not have the other one around whoops 🤷‍♀️

either you and osamu bully atsumu in your free time, or you and atsumu annoy osamu for fun (or both) <3. it’s always a good idea to team up with osamu and prank atsumu for fun btw. (put wasabi in his breakfast pancakes and you’ll get a very pissed off but weirdly cute tsumtsum. you can blame it on osamu if you don’t want to face his wrath.) your alternative is to embarrass osamu in front of strangers with atsumu, have fun with that. (second hand embarrassment also works.)

when you were younger, you pretended to not be able to distinguish the twins bc it would visibly rile atsumu up and then you’d go “ok you’re atsumu”... which would further rile him up. osamu got used to your shenanigans though it ticked him off the first time too LOL. call them the wrong name on purpose and they’ll start a riot; be careful when you’re playing with fire pls.

you guys played a lot of knight and prince/princess/royal when you were a kid and atsumu would always try to make osamu the evil dragon holding you captive. in the end, you were somehow the knight, osamu the prince to be rescued and atsumu the big, bad dragon. (it’s kind of funny in hindsight. your parents have photographs of the three of you fighting like no tomorrow.) also speaking of which, your parents are also friends and have bets on which twin you’ll marry (or if you will at all). it’s tearing your parents’ friendship apart.

these two have DEFINITELY fought over whose jersey number you’re going to wear to the games ( “oi, ‘samu, stop brainwashing my best friend into wearing your stupid double digit number” “you know i’m the best friend, ‘tsumu. they clearly like me better over yer ratty ass.” “what did ya say?!?!? if anything, you’re the one that looks like ratatouille.”) you wore kita's jersey number to games.

imagine sunday picnics with the boys !!! by that, i specifically mean osamu and his perfect bento boxes <3 sometimes the two of you will cook together before your outings while a sulking atsumu stands outside bc you didn’t let him. (let him in, you monsters.) he says he can cook too but the last time the twins’ bickering almost burnt the whole kitchen down. the picnics continue well into adulthood and you get to diss your boss to the twins who will always support your rants. (sometimes atsumu will tell you it’s your fault but you can smack him off. we only need supportive besties here 🙄)

if someone hurts u.... they’re going to need divine intervention to be safe... you have two well-built, physically adept best friends ready to beat the shit out of anyone who deliberately breaks ur heart.

when the twins get into a physical fight...... oh boy. it kinda pisses you off that they’re spewing profanity at each other and you’re the one getting glares. but at the same time, you don’t really want to step into a fight that has nothing to do with you. people should solve their interpersonal issues on their own. they have never fought over you, this isn’t twilight <3

but the question did come up once on which twin you like better; it’s not something to seriously fight over though. if you chose osamu, atsumu will complain for six days straight and you’ll start to regret ever answering the question. if you say atsumu, osamu won’t feed you his onigiri anymore for a few days which is just as bad. the safest choice is to say neither bc it will both be funny and you won’t suffer too many consequences. if you say you love the both of them for being your best friends all this time and go all mushy, there’s a slight chance they’ll go soft too. god help you from the bone crushing hug you’re about to receive 🙏

you make sure to not miss any of atsumu’s official games !! sometimes he’ll wave at you and make the reporters give you hell bc he’s a little shit. just push osamu to them and run away if it gets that bad. (he gets free advertising for his shop, he should be grateful.)

osamu is super good at cheering you up!!! whether it’s with food or with pleasant talk, you’ll be feeling much better with a full stomach and a calmer state of mind. as for atsumu, he’s really good at you cheering you up by distracting you. he’ll talk about his team or this new serve he learnt and the world will seem a lot brighter bc he seems so happy about it. whichever twin you go to, it’s win-win.

in return, the twins take up a good chunk of your time. sometimes atsumu will crash at your place after a game though you’ve told him to not lead the damn reporters here. osamu makes you taste test his experimental onigiri... which are not always good..... no seriously, why’d he put honey and tuna in there ?? but still, your life is ridiculously colorful with them around.

anyway, what can i say except what’s better than one best friend?? two best friends !!!

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader #osamu x reader #bokuto x reader #sugawara x reader #hinata x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu scenarios #atsumu #osamu #bokuto #sugawara #hinata #rosemi.hcs #kind of all over the place but it's about the vibes thank you #feel free to correct any typos i made im about to pass out gn ;-;

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mc-lukanette · 3 years

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Marinette grinned to herself, an extra skip in her step as she listened to the students gossip on her way out of school. The ladybug and cat being the heroes of Paris was still very much a new thing for everyone, so talk about them was widespread and she felt all giddy inside when she heard them being praised.

Maybe it was a little egotistical for her to feel prideful about it, but she also felt pride on behalf of her partner. He'd been with her since the very first akuma, so she was thankful for his being there and saw them as equals.

Luka was a great cat, and she felt like she was a great ladybug to match him. She didn't fully understand her kwami's explanation of them being protected from mind control due to kwami "interference," but she didn't complain either, as it meant that she had someone to talk to about her superhero life.

She went out the doors, about to take the first steps down when she suddenly heard a hushed voice call out, "Marinette?"

She stopped, head darting around before her eyes landed on someone dressed in blue, white, and black, standing off to the side behind the stairs with their hood on. She squinted, swearing that they looked familiar, then gasped happily as she recognized them as Luka.

She'd just never seen him with his hood up before.

She rushed down the stairs, stopping when she was a few steps away so she could meet him at eye level. "Hey—" She paused, noticing his brows furrowed in concern.

"Can we talk in private?" he asked, nudging his head towards the bakery.

"O-oh, of course!" She hurried down from the rest of stairs to turn and stand next to him. Even though she knew he wanted to talk elsewhere, she was officially worried and blurted out, "What's wrong?"

That got him to chuckle at least.

They walked to the bakery together, though avoided the front door so as not to be seen by Tom and Sabine. Marinette opened the side door for him, seeing that both of his hands were preoccupied by keeping his hood up, then closed the door behind them when they were both safely inside.

They passed the door frame leading to the bakery, then stood in the middle of the hallway next to the staircase. Luka turned to face her, Marinette being a mix between curious and worried.

Mostly worried. She knew Luka well enough to know that he wasn't the type to fret unless they were referring to the frets of his guitar.

Luka took a breath. "These showed up a little while ago."

Marinette opened her mouth to ask what he meant, but he promptly pulled his hood back, revealing the pair of cat ears that he'd been hiding the whole time. Her mouth remained open in a gape, her eyes blinking rapidly to see if maybe the ears would disappear the next time she opened her eyes.

"O-oh." She leaned to the side, noticing that his human ears had magically gone too, even though it was hard to tell with his messy hair. "Oh." She focused back on the ears, reaching up and taking one of them between her thumb and forefinger to feel it. It was soft and definitely real.

"Oh."

Luka shrugged as she put her hand back down. "It happened out of nowhere and Plagg didn't tell me much. I was wondering if you or Tikki could help."

Marinette was glad he was relying on her, but was dumbfounded as to what this could've meant. He turned to her purse, reaching down to open it as she asked, "Tikki? Have you ever—"

"Marinette!" Tom's voice called excitedly from the bakery. "Don't think I didn't see that boy you brought in!"

His footsteps followed, Marinette's panic immediately engaging. She looked at Luka, then practically leaped at him, bringing her hands up to clamp down on his ears. Luka recoiled, not expecting it, but leaned too far back while she leaned too far forward, which put her weight on him.

They both went down, his backside taking a hit on the hard floor while she had a much softer landing on top of him.

She realized half a second later that her lips had been given the softest landing of them all, as she was kissing him.

Tom poked his head out of the bakery, Marinette jolting up just in time to avoid him seeing the accidental contact. She had no idea how convincing she looked with her and Luka's faces burning with a bright red blush, but she did her best anyway, looking over at Tom and excusing, "S-sorry, Papa! I was just—fixing Luka's hair, but I leaned too much and we ended up falling!"

She imagined that Luka was nodding with her, trying to put more truth to what she was saying. Tom's grin, however, implied that he was anything but convinced, causing Marinette's blush to spread further.

"That's my girl!" he exclaimed, sounding not at all innocent. "You've got the patented Dupain strength!"

With that, he slipped back into the bakery, very likely to ramble to Sabine. Marinette sighed, then stared at Luka with a regretful, "I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be," Luka assured calmly, his blush fading before hers. "You at least kept him from seeing my..."

He trailed off, glancing up at his hair in confusion. Marinette had the revelation that he did soon after, noting that she didn't feel his cat ears under her hands anymore. Hesitantly, she pulled away, only seeing Luka's usual hair where she'd been covering.

They looked at each other, thoroughly puzzled. Why would the cat ears disappear like that, and so suddenly too? It wasn't like they'd done anything—

It clicked for both of them at the same time, each putting a hand to their mouths in realization.

The kiss...

#lukaneventte: No Context November #Flower Arrangement Shipping #Luka has Cat #((Anyway hopefully this doesn't happen to Luka again or they'll have to solve it the same way))#((over and over and over again))#((and who wants that? :3c))#Pro LukaMari #Lukanette

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princessofprocrastination · 3 years

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Not Suitable (Quackity)

MASTERLIST

pairing : quackity x female reader

summary : quackity has always had a specific vision of what he wants his partner to look like and certain qualities he wants in them. unfortunately for you, you are the opposite of what he wants. (ANGST)

as a kid, you loved the whole girly look. you wore dresses, short heels that came in a princess toy set, and wore pink lipstick all the time.

but as time passed, as you grew older, your look changed completely. you like to say that you simply matured, that it wasn’t at all serious. slowly but surely as you were in your teenage years, your favourite colour became black.

that didn’t mean you didn’t like pink or these other “girly” colours. sometimes, you’d even incorporate some of those bright colours in your outfits to make a statement. you just seemed to like black, it matches with everything.

although you kept wearing black outfits or have black or dark nail polish on, your hair never stayed black or a dark colour. you just hated the look of the natural colour on yourself. it sure did fit other people, though.

you liked to describe your style as trendy. you always follow the trends of recent times and wore what you thought looked good on you.

you sat down next to sapnap, dream in the next room. you and sapnap had been friends since highschool. you skipped a grade, making yourself one of the youngest in that class which meant that you were lonely and no one really wanted to make friends with you.

but that quickly changed when nick came up to you and offered to eat lunch with you. since then, he had been your soulmate. platonic soulmate.

of course, being friends with nick meant that you were bound to meet the other two boys that he considered his best friends, too. it just so happens that you, george and clay ended up building an amazing friendship really quickly.

three guy bestfriends. that technically equals to having three big, protective big brothers. they really cared about you and you can see that, even if they often make fun of you.

nick started his stream, facecam on as you sat on an extra gaming chair that clay had next to nick. you typed away on your phone as he started rambling about random things while waiting for more people to come on.

apparently today you and nick were meant to play some scary game, you controlling the keyboard, him on the mouse. nick often forgot that it takes you a lot to get scared.

“we’re making this video inspired by quackity and karl’s stream from a while ago.” nick told his stream, you nodding your head to agree.

you smiled softly at the name he mentioned. quackity. it was apparent to everyone that you had some sort of crush on him. the small smiles, the little blush that rose to your cheeks if someone were to mention your ship name or tease you about it.

it was all too obvious. of course the three boys you call your best friends knew, you’d never keep such a secret from them. but no matter how annoying the boys can be, they never once told anyone else about your not-so-little crush.

but that didn’t mean they didn’t tease you. they enjoyed it whenever your face would turn red, whether it being you’re embarrassed or you’re mad.

the only weird part is that nowadays, they don’t even bother to tease you anymore, not like they used to. you knew they were hiding something from you, you just didn’t know what they were hiding.

for example, you seated next to sapnap, grinning as he mentions quackity’s name. he would never let you live down that moment. he’d tease you senseless. but this time, he only glanced at you and looked back to the stream.

and what was that? seemed like a pity glance. almost looked like he felt bad.

you two continued the stream as the ‘scared counter’ keeps going up as sapnap keeps getting scared, you constantly laughing at him.

“HOW ARE YOU NOT EVEN FLINCHING?” nick screams in your ear.

“cause i’m not a pussy.” you answered him simply.

“oh shut up, will you.” he rolled his eyes, you laughed at him being a scaredy-cat.

you two played for a while more as the counter on the bottom left of the stream screen gets higher and higher. soon enough it reached it’s limit which meant that sapnap needed to end his stream.

it was weird how time works. one second, things were mellow and slow, just like how your everyday is, and the next second, your name was trending everywhere.

you didn’t even want to check why at first, since you knew how weird and surprising your followers are.

“dude, you need to check twitter.” nick told you in a hurry while he runs from the second floor, to the kitchen in the first floor where you were sitting, editing a video for your channel.

so you did exactly that. you scrolled through the trending page and clicked on your name. then, you saw hundreds, if not thousands edits and videos of quackity and your video.

the video of yours that was posted was the part when you smiled at the mention on quackity’s name but as you scrolled more, it seemed that everyone had dug through and collected snippets of you blushing or smiling when quackity was mentioned or when you were on call with him.

you and quackity were no stranger to each other. the two of you knew each other, sapnap and him being friends and all. you just couldn’t help but fall for him. he’s just extremely charming.

although your exterior showed otherwise, you really swooned just by looking at his pictures.

and that’s why all the stans are going crazy. they didn’t think you’d fall for someone, especially not a man who act like a child on the internet. but you can’t predict people, especially not who they like, or more, love.

you slowly panicked. this was embarrassing to you. more so that it’s all over the internet. there was no way you could erase all of the posts.

on the outside, you looked composed, like it didn’t effect you at all. but nick knew you well, he knew you had a million thoughts in your head at that point.

you were just a second close to getting into a panic attack. “hey, hey. calm down, everything’s good.” nick coos in your ear as he pulls you close to him. he knew that you hated to be left alone when you panic.

you hated this feeling. it felt so unnecessary and it felt like you were making matters bigger than it actually is.

but the boys would tell you otherwise, they’d make sure that thought leaves your head as soon as it reached.

your body being rocked back and forth helped you calm down as you slowly start to forget the reason of your panic in the first place.

when you do come back to stream regularly, you tried to play off like nothing had happened, like it was all a dream.

that is one bad habit you couldn’t get rid of for some reason. you liked to just run away from your problems, big or small. you would often play it off like it didn’t matter to you, eventhough it is very much the opposite.

you’re just scared of getting hurt. you didn’t want to hear the rejection, you could never brace yourself for that kind of pain.

but somehow this was different. you braced yourself. you didn’t know what drove you to it, but you did. maybe it was the small signs your friends showed you that you never noticed. it was like you knew that rejection was bound to happen, and that this one would hurt the most.

you told yourself that you would never let yourself get hurt over someone, especially males. it just never made sense. they were never really worth your time, anyways.

although personally you’ve never ended a relationship of yours badly, just maturely, you’ve read and heard how painful relationships can be. and you never understood why people kept going back into relationships when they hurt so much.

but you get it. he’s simply addicting. you felt like you couldn’t distance yourself from him. but you needed to. and you knew that. all your friends told you that.

you weren’t going to let some man put you down because of what you look like.

granted, it hurt at first, but you learnt to heal, you learnt that although he probably isn’t going to be the only man who hurts you, you needed to suck it up and not show him the pain you felt. you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

to summarise it all. quackity finally beat around the bush and came out with a statement on his own on his stream.

content creators or public figures often learn that they need to leave things for private, that they can’t spill everything out for people to hear. that causes drama.

but he didn’t stand back at all. everything he thought about you was shared on stream for all his viewers to know. maybe you liked him for his persona after all, not the real him.

“talk about it?” quackity read his donation.

“sure, i will.” he started. here it comes.

nick told you that in order to heal and move past the pain quickly, you can’t run away from your problems, to face the current issue. so he made you watch quackity’s stream.

you didn’t feel like shedding a single tear today because of how exhausted you are from crying for hours on end, but still agreed to your bestfriend’s wishes to sit through a long stream.

to be honest, you weren’t expecting him to speak on it, given the amount of time he’s waited. it’s been a couple months since it happened so you could only imagine the shock of his viewers when he finally did say something.

maybe the constant spam finally got to him.

“she’s not my type, chat.” he said. oh, that wasn’t so bad. no pain just yet.

“she’s far from it.” okay that pinched you a little. were you really that bad. you waited for his explanation.

“she looks so emo all the time, it’s scares me. does she ever not wear black?” ouch. and yes, yes you do.

“she’s just not what i like in women. i like soft girls who are respectful and know when to keep their mouth shut and definitely a little more conservative.” whoa. okay, maybe that hurt extra than the rest.

you turned to nick, he had the same shocked look on his face, clearly not expecting to hear that come out of his good friend’s mouth, especially on stream.

quackity doesn’t end there. he pulls out his phone, typing away. soon he pulled up a picture of you from your instagram account, showing his stream.

“she looks like she barely graduated highschool. she’s not one with a future, chat. just stop shipping us. i don’t like that.” he finally finishes, locking his phone and putting it down, continuing playing his game from earlier.

you closed your eyes for a while, trying to process it all.

“are you going to cry?” your bestfriend says from next to you. you shook your head.

“i’m furious.” you told him, voice soft but slightly menacing.

“holy shit. i’ve been waiting for this.” nick says, jumping in his seat. you knew exactly what he meant.

you aren’t the type to get mad. you only got mad jokingly. and as much as you look emo and depressed all the time, you’re practically a walking sunshine, you just don’t show it due to your resting bitch face.

and although nick and you have been friends for god knows how long, it wasn’t often he saw you mad. and it excites him to see you enraged, to say the least. to him, you always ‘pop off’ when you’re mad.

you made sure you cooled off slightly before you go off on the man. you didn’t want to do things you would regret, after all. but to you, you didn’t think you’d regret anything at this point.

you waited a couple days before you tweeted something.

it was simple, your tweet. just two photos. first, it was a photo of your acceptance letter to harvard law school from a year ago, followed by a photo of you carrying thick and heavy textbooks for school that was taken by nick when he visited you in campus.

it was captioned, “not one with a future.” simple, but it was obvious that this was going to blow up. you looked up from your phone to nick before you tweeted it.

you two shared a smile. a grin, if you will. it was like the two of you knew what that tweet would do.

you knew this was going to be surprising to your followers, too. you’ve never spoken about going to school after highschool. sure, if they scrolled far enough on your channel and listened through everything, they might know you skipped grades, which was the reason you met nick but most of them didn’t know. and you didn’t blame them.

what you would blame them for is that they sat and listened to everything quackity said in that stream. they all thought you were just one dumb, depressed girl who had no future. one that relied on a social media career.

only if they knew how wrong they are. well, that didn’t matter now. they all knew.

that was the only tweet you sent out regarding the matter. you didn’t want to prolong it, it isn’t worth your time.

when you did stream a couple days after you sent out that tweet, your twitch viewers sky-rocketed. it was weird, almost. but they weren’t there to patronise you. the opposite, really. they said sweet words, donated generous amounts and gifted plenty of subs.

you would answer questions as donations slowly came in. and one in particular caught you eye.

“why aren’t you in school.” the monotoned woman asked.

“i’m not currently in school because it is closed due to the pandemic. but i’m currently attending it online.” you answered swiftly, not really focused on the question but more to the parkour you were doing.

from time to time, your eyes glanced at your chat to see if they said anything that caught your eye, apart from the ones that bashed you for liking their favourite content creator.

it cracked you up to see how far stans would go to protect their favourite creators. granted, it made you feel a little envious seeing how many people unfollowed you when the drama happened. you wanted to know just who would stand with you, besides your actual friends.

“what would you describe your style?” the monotonous woman spoke once again as a donation came in.

“thank you for the 10.” you started, and then pausing to actually think about it before you answered.

“i think my style is a little more dark but not emo, as most people call it. i also don’t dress conservative.” you finished, feeling good about your answer.

you were not brought up in a conservative family, so that was shown in the way you dressed. no, you never really left the house in your bra and jeans, not saying that style isn’t cute, but you never stopped yourself from showing a little bit of skin.

you also were not the type to get insecure, so reading through comments on your posts have never really affected you. but there was something about the comment quackity said that made you rethink about a lot of things.

you hated that feeling, though. you hated that you let a man say things about you and made you feel apologetic about it. you knew it should never be like that. why did you let a man step all over you? it irked you that you stooped so low.

things also never got easy after the little drama. sure, you gained a little more publicity, but you felt nauseous knowing what attracted them. you’re just now constantly reminded how you got a higher number of following.

nonetheless, you’re grateful for the platform given to you, although this wasn’t the path you chose to take.

it didn’t take you long to recover from the tiny insecurity you found yourself having. you started not caring even more, posting even more photos of you. some might say you grew to be a narcissist.

but you enjoyed it. it showed people just how much you grew and learnt from what happened.

you’re glad you moved forward from it and never dwelled on the things he said about you.

also, did you mention that quackity apologised?

guess not.

Part 2

#quackity #quackity x reader #quackity imagines #quackity imagine #quackity fanfic #quackity fanfiction #quackityhq

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rein-ette · 3 years

Note

Hi! Could you give us some modern day German bros hcs?

Yes. Absolutely. Thank you for asking, this is one of my favourite topics ever.

I know canon says that Gilbert lives in Lud’s basement and mooches off of him, but may I assert that Gilbert actually lives in the basement of his own house, which he bequeathed to Ludwig, while he spent time rotting in Soviet prison. The house, along with a significant (but diminishing) majority of Lud’s savings were all originally Gilbert’s fortune, only gathered after saving every penny of his officers commissions for centuries. Now, this isn’t to say that Ludwig mooches off Gilbert either, because Lud does work his sweet muscular ass off and earns a respectable wage from the federal government. And it’s true that legally, Lud did inherit Gilbert’s property in the West. But Gil still has every right to live in a house he bought, and he only chose to take the basement floor because 1) it seemed kinda mean spirited to make Ludwig move out of the master bedroom after living there for 3 decades, and 2) the “basement” floor is a complete flat in and of itself, so he and Ludwig can both have some measure of privacy.

Warning: way more rambling ahead

As for living fees, I hc that Prussia fulfills a role in government as the state of Brandenburg. Others may disagree that Brandenburg should have its own “national” representative, an idea I’ve toyed with myself, but I’ve settled on the interpretation of history where Prussia is Brandenburg for several reasons. The main one is that while Prussia is a geographical expression referring to the area around Königsberg that is now Russian/Polish, Prussia is also a historical, political, and cultural entity. Berlin has been the seat of Prussian power and the symbol of its culture, ideals, and traditions from the very beginning — what we think of when we say Prussia (the historical state) really began as Brandenburg, who’s ruling family (the Hohenzollerns) subsequently acquired Prussia (the Polish territory) and saw an opportunity to crown themselves King, using the Prussian title as a convenient “excuse” (for various political reasons). In short: the name “Prussia” is misleading — the state of Brandenburg-Prussia has always been more Brandenburg than it’s been Prussian.

I DIGRESS. The point is Prussia also earns part of his wages for himself from the Brandenburg state government. He doesn’t work nearly as much with the gov as the others (Arthur, Francis) do though: mostly 'cause the government can function by itself and doesn't need much advice from Prussia, who's wealth of experience is not readily applicable to like, park-building and such anyways. When Lud becomes overwhelmed Gil also helps out with his paperwork, but -- and this is, I believe, rather idiosyncratic to the German gov -- Gil does not often attend functions in an official capacity. Since the war, the new German government has wanted for obvious reasons to distance itself as much from its past as possible, so having too many people know about Gilbert's real identity, or even having him work to closely with the PM just feels...wrong. Officially Prussia may now simply be the state of Brandenburg, but its clear that's not all he is. He has the Old World air, the kind of presence that reminds humans he is the collision of a thousand lifetimes all at once, a breathing monument to history. And so for the modern German state, which has struggled so desperately to throw off the shadows of its past, to associate closely with the embodiment of Prussia is just not great for everyone involved.

This brings me to another dynamic that I've wanted to explore in a fic for a long time: how terribly young Ludwig is compared to the nations he works with. I mean, Germany only became a thing in 1871, less than 200 years ago. While I hc him to have existed for a couple decades before that, slowly growing under Prussia's care, this man is still younger than either Alfred or Matt. And yet he has to work closely and on equal terms with nations that are more than ten times as old as he is. Of course, former colonies like Al and even younger ones like New Zealand also work on equal terms with older countries like England now, but Ludwig has the added disadvantage of needing to protect a legacy. He may be young, but the cultures he now represents are not. He does not get to start afresh. He does not get to revolt against imperialism and forge his own destiny. And unlike former colonies, the day Ludwig truly stepped out of his brother's shadow and became a nation in his own right was not a day of victory but of defeat. All this weighs heavily on him; essentially, Ludwig carries the same two-thousand burden of history his fellow Europeans do, but without the corresponding two thousand years of experience. And do his colleagues go easy on him? Of course they fucking don't. His colleagues are people like England, France, Denmark, Netherlands...they're fucking menaces is what they are, and they don't baby nobody. You can either make it or you can't, and despite being the age of these nation's children, by the simple virtue of being European Lud is expected to be able to play by "their rules" -- to know the ins and outs of ancient relationships, traditions, and beef from the Middle Ages -- the whole shebang. If America fucks up in a world meeting the Europeans will whisper "Well he's still just a child", if Ludwig fucks up in an EU meeting he has simply fucked up, period. No excuses. This is the world they grew up in, and they expect Ludwig to be able to navigate it too.

Of course, this has it perks as well. It means that unlike former colonies, Ludwig doesn't have to deal with as much constant condescension and patronization. Lud is not their child or their friend's child -- at most he is a younger brother, and by taking on the mantle of Prussia and the other German states Ludwig is automatically an equal. But there were still moments where Ludwig felt out of place. In the first few decades after the war, these mostly occurred in more relaxed, social situations -- parties, informal negotiations, the type of diplomacy that takes place over drinks and behind closed doors. This was the gentleman's club, a place where the lingering sense among old European powers that they are members of the most exclusive and desirable social group in the world was strongest. While various forces such as the EU, globalization, decolonization, and Americanization have eroded this kind of gate-keeping, there remains instances where Ludwig is sharply reminded of his age. Its often the small things -- a glance across the meeting room, an old joke, a shared memory. Maybe Ludwig hears through Gilbert that Francis is more stressed than he seems. Maybe Ned succeeds in persuading Arthur of something in private when Ludwig couldn't. Maybe he visits Austria and is surprised to see Spain is also there. Among any group of old friends there is always a sense of "us" and "them", and while Ludwig may have taken his brother's political place in Europe, socially Prussia is a kind of "us" that Ludwig will never quite achieve.

I hate to end this on such an abrupt note, but I'm afraid if I don't I will never stop talking. Thanks cake for enabling me, and if anyone wants a part two hit me up. I haven't even fucking gotten to PruAusHun yet, or all the other German siblings.

#hws germany #hws prussia #many many others mentioned #my hcs #ask #needcake #ugh i'll just tag a couple #hws netherlands #hws england #hws france #hws austria #hws spain #there thats good enough #also 1900s onwards is modern right #imma assume you meant The Modern Age which is 1800s onwards ok great

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valcalico · 3 years

Text

Athena and Ares

(Just my thoughts on them and their relationship)

I have a lot of feelings about these two. They have a very complex dynamic, where they don’t really like each other, but they can’t work without each other either.

Athena provides rationality to the cruelty of war. She is the strategy and logic behind it. The objective. One might say she represents the generals, and the politicians and the main heroes. Basically the big players.

And Ares? He’s the opposite. He represents the emotion associated with war. He is the bloodlust and the desperate fight. Where the battle is thickest, where there is no room for thought, and when its pure survival instinct that drives you, that’s Ares. He represents the worst parts: the blood and the violence and the cruelty. He is accompanied by fear and terror (Phobos and Deimos). One might say he is the god of soldiers.

So they need each other. If they actually worked together, they’d be one of the dangerous forces ever, even in god circles. But they don’t. Not only because of how differently they view the world, but also because of deeper nuances in their relationship.

Athena is beloved. She is Zeus’ favourite child and his right hand goddess. The people love her. She is the patron of one of the most powerful, influential cities, Athens. She is highly respected everywhere else too. A protector of heroes and a friend to humanity.

Ares, on the other hand, is disliked by many. Zeus says he is “the most hateful of all gods” and says he would have thrown him into Tartarus if he wasn’t his and Hera’s son. (Its in the Iliad) (This part always makes me sad poor ares) He is highly respected in Thrace and Sparta. But Athens dislikes him and worships him out of necessity only.

Even in modern times, Athena is considered a feminist icon and badass lady, while Ares is labelled a brute.

Most people know this. So why did I just type out all that? Cause context is important when delving into the myths.

So first of all, let’s debunk that last point I made. In the ancient myths (and I’ll try not to include romans esp. Ovid), it didn’t work that way at all. Of course it’s important to keep in mind that ancient Greece was very misogynistic. But still, Athena was not feminist at all. Her being a “masculine” woman (mostly) was what made her so acceptable to Athens and she was regularly used to shut down other women. Also:

(The actual translation of this scene was circulated a while back. So you’re probably familiar with this. Also I’m not saying this to offend any worshippers of Athena or anyone who admires her. There are a lot of bad things in greek mythology and Athena’s internal and external misogyny is probably the least of my concerns. Plus if the greek gods did exist, i believe they change with the society, so they will no longer be Like That in the present day.)

Ares, on the other hand, was incredibly feminist, especially for that time. He surrounded himself with women he loved and respected. (Aphrodite, Eris, Enyo, etc). His lovers were often famously women who challenged the status quo (Otrera, Cyrene). He was regularly show to be a good father to all his daughters, immortal and mortal. (Harmonia, Hippolyta, Penthesilia, Alkippe). Also:

If that isn’t the coolest thing EVER-

Anyway, I won’t delve deep into that (well, any more than I’ve already rambled about it).

Now that we have gotten that out of the way, we can get to the hypotheticals.

I headcanon that despite ALL the evidence to the contrary, they maybe don’t despise each other completely. I see them having more of a love-hate relationship.

The thing is, gods are very contrary creatures. Zeus and Hera’s fights shake the world one moment, and in the next, they are as loving as any. Apollo is smiling and singing in one moment and skinning a satyr alive in the next. This complexity should be given this relationship too.

Like I said above, they need each other. Both general and soldier are equally important in war. And I don’t think you can completely truly need someone and hate their existence at the same time. (There are exceptions)

This scene in the Iliad really got me thinking:

If you take the scene at face value, this is probably not something to think too much about. Its Athena going to Ares, insulting him a bit, and taking him away from the war.

But its more than that. First off, Athena goes upto Ares and can calmly convince him to listen to her. Second, look how she frames the question. She says “shall we” which i think is pretty important. Athena doesn’t need to worry about Zeus’ anger or his rules, as she shows later on in the Iliad, and before, during the Rebellion. Both Athena and Ares knows this well. So why does she also need to withdraw? She can make the point without adding herself to the equation. She can also fairly easily run him off the battlefield like she does later. But she doesn’t. And there isnt any hostility from Ares.

Instead, they go together, away from the battlefield and...sit down near a river bank? Basically relax as much as they can? That doesn’t sound like a hateful relationship.

There is also the fact that Ares was going to join sides with the greeks (aka on Athena and Hera’s side) until Aphrodite convinced him to join her instead.

Its clear from this that Ares doesn’t really have much of a stake in this fight. He doesn’t care much about the greater objectives of the war. The only thing that can convince him to take a side is the people one the sides. He fights for the people he cares about, not for any greater good. He easily changes his loyalty because of his love for Aphrodite. He frequently gets into fights to save his children. He goes against Diomedes partly because of how he wounded Aphrodite. All of this means that he cares for Athena too. (And for Hera ofc). Maybe he doesn’t care for her as much as he cares for Aphrodite, but its not really fair to expect him to.

I like to think they genuinely do care for each other a great deal, they just kinda suck at showing it. Maybe that changes as time passes. I can see Athena being quietly protective of Ares (maybe she makes up an excuse to send him away during the Rebellion because she knows he will be in danger otherwise). I definitely think she felt a little guilt (guilt, not regret) at stabbing Ares, seeing as it wasn’t really fair. Ares didn’t know she was there.

I also think that Ares, who spends a lot of time with awesome women and is very fierce in standing up for them if the need arises, will be the one who calls her out a lot of the time on her misogyny or hypocrisy. Athena also has a habit of suppressing any “vulnerable” emotion. She likes to keep all her guilt, sadness, fear, hurt, and regret all locked up tight. I feel like Ares is one of the few people she lets a few of those emotions out around, even if she still tries not to. And in the lighter moments, in private, maybe they joke around a bit and laugh, too.

Okay, now for the heavier bit. While i do think they care for each other, there is also a lot of resentment there. A lot of it, unfortunately, comes from how they are treated by their peers and elders. They like different people, they are liked by different people and they are liked to different degrees. Let’s talk about 3 of the main players.

1) Zeus. Does this surprise you?

I do think Zeus loves all his kids. He doesn’t like some of them, but he does love all of them. And he isn’t as bad of a father as everyone thinks. People have discussed that better so I’ll not rant about it here.

All that aside, he definitely has favourites. Athena is his favourite child (Apollo, I think, being his second). And this favouritism is SUPER OBVIOUS. Its like none of the rules apply to Athena, which is weird considering Zeus isn’t forgiving of those who defy his authority (did someone say Prometheus?)

Ares, on the other hand, is on the other side of the spectrum. The one Zeus dislikes the most.

We can see how this affects them in several instances. The most notable is probably in the Iliad, after Athena deceitfully stabs Ares and forces him to flee to Olympus, injured.

Ares calls Zeus out on his favouritism. He says that gods weren’t allowed to fight each other and if it were anyone else, they would have been punished. He says Zeus always does this, always lets Athena get away with everything, and that he needs to start getting his daughter under control.

Zeus doesnt like this too much and basically tells Ares to stop whining and that he isn’t much better when it comes to destruction. He says Ares is the most hateful of all gods and loves bloodshed. He says he would have gotten rid of him if he weren’t his son, but seeing as he was, Zeus cannot bear to see Ares in pain. He then gets Ares healed.

I can definitely see how this kind of blatant favouritism from someone who should be better to Ares would affect him. Ares is the firstborn son of Zeus and Hera. He should be getting a lot of respect, as per ancient standards but instead, he is overtaken by his virgin half sister from Zeus’ previous marriage, and many bastard half siblings.

Athena being able to break rules left and right, and Ares having to be nervous about even toeing the line will cause distance between them.

This in addition to his position as a god of civil order is a reason that i think he wouldn’t want to break any rule until he deems it absolutely necessary, like if someone he cared about were in danger.

I can totally see a situation where both of them try to help a hero but Zeus orders them not to. Athena then wants to break the rules, but Ares is very hesitant about doing so. Athena convinces him, either by taunting or by calmly urging him, to go along with it. They get caught but only Ares gets punished. Ares can then truly show Athena the difference between her and everyone else.

Remember when i headcanoned earlier that Athena sends Ares away during the Rebellion? That ties into this. She knows that if they get caught, ares could get into trouble whether or not he did anything. I expect Ares will be furious about it when he returns and finds out what happened though, thinking it was just to get him out of the way, until its revealed why she did it. Then he’ll probably be super awkward.

2) Poseidon

The equal and opposite force to Zeus.

Well, maybe not equal, but quite close.

Lets start with the canon. Poseidon HATES Athena, despises her completely, and he frequently clashes with her father too. They worked together one (1) time and as a result, Athena wasnt punished while Poseidon was enslaved for years. Then there is the fight for Athens, the whole epic of the Odyssey, and so on.

Meanwhile he and Ares are actually shown to be close. Other than the Halirhothius incident, they are pretty chill. Poseidon is the one who vouched for him after the Net Thing With Hephaestus. Poseidon is also pretty cool with Aphrodite and they work together occasionally.

I think Poseidon thinks of Athena as this bratty kid of his brother, who is constantly working against him. You know that one annoying cousin you have who you try to avoid during family reunions because you KNOW you will clash? This is that, but a thousand times worse.

Meanwhile Poseidon really cares for Ares, and Ares takes fatherly affection from anywhere he can get it. Poseidon maintains a good relationship with both Aphrodite and Ares. He is closer with Aphrodite and doesnt love Ares quite as much as Zeus loves Athena, but he still cares a lot.

3) Aphrodite

It is no secret that Athena hates Aphrodite. Even when Athena warns Diomedes not to harm any god, she says Aphrodite is the exception. Athena, along with many of the other Olympians, see her as nothing but a silly, flighty, hysterical goddess.

On the other hand, Aphrodite and Ares are known for their intense love for each other, from even before her arranged marriage. They have a lot of kids together, and are shown to be close with all of them. They each have like one story of jealousy/one story where they are at odds with each other, which is pretty good for such a high-profile couple (Aphrodite curses Eos and Ares kills Adonis). They are there for each other, like in the trojan war, when Aphrodite was wounded and Ares gave her his chariot to go back to Olympus. He also changed sides very soon, just because Aphrodite asked. Athena complains about this too.

I think I wouldn’t be far off in saying that Athena is definitely resentful of how close they are, and how much sway Aphrodite has over her brother.

While Athena definitely doesn’t see eye to eye with Ares, and disagrees with his domain, she still sees him as a War God. One of her kind. And she just doesn’t see how a War God can go for someone like Aphrodite. Basically, she doesn’t think Aphrodite is, for lack of a better term, good enough for Ares, seeing as she is a Love Goddess.

Ares, on the other hand, does not want to hear anything like this. He is fiercely defensive of Aphrodite. He defends her warlike aspect (Aphrodite Areia), while everyone else tells her that she has no place in the battlefield. He sees Aphrodite as more than what people have labelled her to be. Which is why I believe (other than Eos and Adonis), they have one of the healthiest open relationships in greek mythology.

This can definitely cause animosity between Athena and Ares, because of Athena’s scorn and Ares’ temper. It can also increase the conflict between Athena and Aphrodite.

Maybe as time goes on, Athena can start seeing Aphrodite as having more depth. I certainly hope so. While they wouldn’t be best friends, I don’t see why they can’t learn to get along. This could also strengthen Athena and Ares’ bond. As long as people don’t insult her or lay their claim on her domain of Love and Beauty, Aphrodite is often very supportive. I truly think Aphrodite can help Athena overcome her misogyny, with Ares.

In conclusion, Athena and Ares have a very complex relationship. They do not simply hate each other, and neither do they have the most loving relationship. But they do care for each other. But strain can often be put on their relationship from their relationship to other people as well. Hopefully as time passes, they can overcome that, and have a healthier relationship, instead of sharing a good moment and then proceeding to fight each other for the next 500 years.

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dropsofletters · 4 years

Text

if it is written in the stars

title: if it is written in the stars pairing: liu yangyang/reader genre: best friends!au/college!au/soulmate!au (ish) summary: another text, another laugh, another break-up in the line. the knowledge she has of her best friend, yangyang, is palpable in the deep connection that they have with each other. however, college is the start of their end, ripping at the rugged edges of their friendship. suddenly, they become too much for each other, much too separated to ever come back together, only to turn their backs and long after their past. some people are soulmates, some people you pick, some people are just meant to be. type: fluff/angst/romance word count: 9,860 ⚠️ disclaimer: this is part of the love diaries, my valentine’s day project with wayv, if you want to read the rest of the members’ stories, you can click here and find the masterlist for it.

Interesting is the concept of a déjà vu, for people are too ignorant to stop for a moment and think that life is telling them to pay attention to the details of that moment. To this day, she still wondered what she had to learn again—what the lesson was in that damned day of September, but the repetition of events from the past, back when she was in high school, never reached her brain as a bigger mass of knowledge.

One of the numerous things she would never want to live again, even if a sword was pressed to her chest and the only choice would be to re-live a part of her life, is to go back to high school. Everything feels far too cramped, awkward, like one word from her teenage years will come haunt her for the rest of her life; cringe-worthy, hypothetically speaking her worst mindset in her life, and that is such a big statement. Everyone told her she’d miss the youthful years, the days in which pimples would pop up on her face out of nowhere thanks to the simplistic touch of sweat, or the ones in which she had to go to a new school because, once again, she is unable to stay in the last one. She would definitely miss having to introduce herself to every person that crosses path with her and of course, she’d miss the pretentious stares of the teachers when hearing that she comes from a public school, and not a private one like the rest of the population in that classroom.

She’d miss the pre-period stress that accumulates with frustration and anger, her mind praying that no one would dare to get close to her to establish a conversation. Damn her, because the first class included the overly charismatic people that wanted to talk to her as if they had known each other for years.

Would she regret this in the future, too? She wondered at the time, far too entranced in spending the one free period after a teacher said they would be going to a reunion and left the class alone to see it turn to an utmost disaster.

The past she recalled perfectly; the nervousness she portrayed in her gaze when she looked around the room and the quickness she had to look down at her notebook once again, scribbling down the lyrics of a song she could not get out of her head. It relaxed her in the middle of the noise, grounded her in the reality of life—that this, too, shall be knowledge for the future her, and it was. One day, she would earn something important from such a hard time in her life, going from one school to the other, but now, in the place she sat down, distress took over her. For now, all her body desired was to sit through some classes, get back home and forget about the pompous people in that classroom—not all, but she felt like generalizing, for she was young and far too judgmental at the time, scared of a new friend getting too close—.

It did not felt like she would ever fit in, with seats too tiny or too big, with too much knowledge on a subject or none at all, either too raw in her words or completely silent. It did not felt like this moment she had lived a handful of times before would ever teach her something new. These people she will forget in the future, she was certain of at that moment, merged in the masses of people she already got to know.

Her day was changed that morning of September when she felt his patella digging to her back, thanks to the slightly open seats of this high school. Someone with rather harsh bones leaned over her seat, spying eyes scanning the handwriting in her notebook and when she heard the sound of this guy’s voice, she felt at ease—strangely enough, he sounded so relaxed, so youthful in his approach that she felt like he was one of the people she wouldn’t mind talking to.

“You like that band, too?” When she turned around, she was met with the smiling face of Liu Yangyang—at the time, she did not even know if that was his name, so she avoided saying it at any coast until she heard someone else calling him such—. After all, she did not pay attention when everyone introduced themselves.

His black hair was messy, something some teacher would probably end up complaining about in the long run, a little bit too long for the protocol. His smile was bright, mischievous, framing his straight nose nicely. His eyes did not hold the stars, they were rather void for her at the time—black and pointless, nothing to be too interested about, but his conversation starter captured her attention immediately. “I do. I have always wanted to go to a concert of theirs.”

“Dude, so do I!” His elbows rested upon his desk. “What’s your favorite song?”

At the time, she did not realize Yangyang was supposed to teach her something, and he was her little gift after a déjà vu.

🌌

Some people make a home out of you, and some you make a home out of. Yangyang’s home, her best friend’s soul, could only be described as a mess—he babblers a lot, always rambling when a moment of silence settles in between them, always laughing with his heart’s content, it is so disorganized like his train of thought, sometimes in one point and then in the other, something that she realized long before their high school graduation, before he started college, heck, she may have even known it the moment they started to talk. But, he is her home. The house she has decorated with all her secrets, the only person who has the key of her brain, knows her ideas like the palm of his hand—the guy who introduced her to his group of friends and welcomed her as if she had never been a newbie in their pretentious school.

But they are not there. The last time she saw Yangyang was three weeks ago, a complete blasphemy compared to their daily encounters when they were in high school. At the time, she thought that seeing Yangyang’s sleepy face every morning was a curse, or that sitting beside him during lunchtime to see him have the blandest sandwich in the world was surely not what she wanted to do for the rest of her life, but the comfort of it is missed when she steps inside his college campus. In a place like this, she is alone, a dot in the middle of the alphabet, incomparable in every given way and not for a good reason. People like the ones here have enough money to fulfill education or are so outstanding in a part of their lives that they can manage the benefit of college. They carry their books like an armor, smell thickly like cheap perfume and too much caffeine, they talk too loudly and seem too sluggish, like different people from her world of failed college applications, miserable jobs and of course, the lost feeling of not knowing what to do next.

Yangyang would not understand—one of the stage kids in theatre, far more interesting in essence with the musical part of him that gained him a spot in that college, much less would their other two friends capture the essence of her nervousness. Elena is one of them, missing in the stereotype of being unique, too much of a party-goer to even understand the importance of the tests that lay on her desk whenever she goes to class, and of course, how could she forget of the jokester journalism student that is her friend? Cheng is his name, pride to the family of rich individuals, all in love with his immaculate words that hide the small size of his brain. Though funny, those two people could never mimic the warmth that Yangyang brings to her with simple conversation.

There is a difference: Elena and Cheng talked to her because Yangyang basically pushed her inside their lives, bringing her to the table at every given lunchtime, and while she is used to them and knows a handful of facts about the two of them, she can only see how much they have changed. Once the misfits in school, they are thriving with the equality system of college.

The real question would be if she is friends with Elena and Cheng now, as the pompous jokesters that take their words a little too far, because she naturally enjoys the fun side of life they bring to her, completely different to her point of view or because she is doing it because she is scared of being alone, of losing Yangyang and the duo simply because she doesn’t want anyone to point out her failed attempt at adulating.

Taking one second glance at the guy whose body is leaning against the wall near classroom A3, she realizes the culprit she had been looking for in the entire campus is right in front of her. Texting Yangyang’s roommate, Dejun, would have been an easier option if she had done it sooner and the ache of her legs wouldn’t be half as intolerable if she had thought about this decision twice. God forbid him from discovering clothing layering, because the heat of the day is enough to have her sweating in her t-shirt, but he has layered a red long sleeved shirt underneath his t-shirt, following those trends he sees on social media. His dark hair moves slightly with the wind, though his fingers come up to fix it every once in a while, concentrating on his phone, her own vibrating with new messages in their friends’ group-chat.

That is how she came to visit him, given that his professor was not coming to class.

Physical touch is not easy for her, repulsed by the idea of trusting someone enough of nearing her, more often than not denying the hugs that anyone would offer her, but with Yangyang…it comes as easy as finishing a glass of lemonade in a warm day. The swift motion she does brings her arms to wrap around his tiny waist, the fabrics over his body folding slightly at the action. Her chin rests on his back, feeling his body jump under her touch, turning around to look at the supposed stranger that had hugged him out of the sudden. Surprised is his expression when he realizes who it is, caging her in a hug and lifting her up the ground slightly, his habit ever since the first year of their friendships. A lot of time later, he still does it, like it is his habit to make her feel like he would never let her go.

“Dude, what are you doing here?”

Expanding her hands on his back, ribs becoming one in the touch, a smile on her face erasing every thought of worry. The battery inside her seems to be filled with energy, electrifying bits coming from his mere touch when she pulls away to look at him. “I was reading your texts and I happened to be around.” A shrug is delivered after the statement, looking up and down his body before smiling. “Aren’t you hot?”

The extends of his lungs release a big sigh. “So hot. I thought looking cool would not make me feel bad, but I am sweating buckets underneath this shirt. These shirts, actually, they are two.” Plucking the fabric on his body with two fingers, his index and thumb to be exact, she scrunches up her nose at his words. Grossed out she should be about her best friend, but she knows Yangyang is naturally appealing—an extrovert, charismatic, talkative and overall, very interesting, as well as mischievous and youthful. “But my ex’s new boyfriend is in this class and I need to show the world I’m the best choice.”

“Are we talking about that church girl you dated like…a year ago?” She remembers the days in between Yangyang’s senior year of high school and summer break before college, when Yangyang used to be absolutely in love with the cutest, smallest black haired girl. Much to his fearful ways, though, the girl asked for a forever after the first month of dating and added a diamond emoticon in every description in her social media, along with his name, which was enough to have Yangyang fleeting away like the breeze. “You’re talking as if you really liked her that much.”

His fingers reach up to pinch her cheeks, his relaxation method as well as his way of teasing her. “I did like her—”

“Yangyang, you broke up with her in the first place.”

Widening his eyes comically, enough to make him look like he is taken out of a TV show, he pinches on her skin a little bit too hard to hear her hiss. “You’re, like, always outing me with that kind of stuff.” He starts. “What was I supposed to do? I was eighteen! Eighteen.” Repeating the word, he tries to emphasize the meaning of youth. Marriage is one of his biggest fears, if not the biggest, always a reminder of how weird it is to grow older and to have set expectations from society. “And she was already introducing me to her mom as her future husband. Like, I freaked out.”

She takes her backpack off, unzipping it to take out a bag of chips she had bought for herself, but maybe, the tired-looking college student that is a little bit out of his mind needed it the most. Yangyang takes it in his hands, opening it and plopping one of the salty treats inside his mouth. “In typical Yangyang nature. You date people that are so different from you, it’s like you’re in a game of NEXT.”

“As in the MTV show?”

“You’re saying ‘next’ to all of them because none of them are…your type.” Attraction is very difficult to differentiate from love when you are young, and Yangyang is the epitome of a try-hard, the ride or die type of guy that would do anything and everything to live a new experience. “I told you church girl wasn’t right for you. She was far too into you and you were just attracted to her.” What he does next is surprising, his fingers dusting off the salt and chip crumbs on her hair. “Yangyang—!”

“Don’t tell me what I already know.” His thumb plops inside his mouth, a popping sound coming after he sucks the remaining salt on the digit. Utterly disgusting. “Like, I just don’t know how you do it. You are in, like, this meditation state of mind whenever someone talks to you about dating. You’re truly picky or just really patient.”

A smile tugs at the edges of her mouth as she speaks. “Look at all the people in our high school and you’ll realize why I never dated.”

He laughs loudly, closing his eyes before giving half of the small bag of chips to her, which she declines with a polite hand-motion. “Wow, roasted.”

“It’s true!”

“I can’t argue with that.” Their conversation is briefly cut short when Yangyang hears the sound of someone shouting his name, coming from the tables near the classroom. A group of guys sit there, one taking the time to exclaim something along the lines of ‘is that your new girl?’ to which the young man can only shake his head, denying all allegations. This is the reality of youth, though presented in a freer manner nowadays, there are still idiots with closed-down mindsets. They think youth is about dating or about getting a degree, dismissing anyone who dares not to drink or smoke. What has youth turned into if a person has to choose sides between both extremes? “I don’t get it. People always think we’re dating.”

The recurring ‘guy-and-girl-friendship’ syndrome, she likes to call it, in which people simply can’t see two people having that connection or bond of friendship without disregarding it as love. Sometimes, she finds herself thinking if they are the exception of the rule—her agenda includes thinking of Yangyang as her annoyingly comforting best friend, the one guy she would talk to for hours to no end, whose smile beams and shines and clings to her the nights or days they are together. Clearly not blind to Yangyang’s charms, she knows falling for him would almost never be possible.

Though, she does admit it is very difficult she could have this level of comfort with anyone else.

“Sorry?” She utters, tugging on his arm before biting down on her bottom lip. “Show me around the campus. I want to live the college fantasy for once.”

Yangyang silently understands her, hooking his arm with hers before starting to walk. Most people seemed like poison to her, but Yangyang was the sweetest of juices—maybe orange, with a hint of a wake-up call if you have it after a night out drinking or early in the mornings before your schedule. Whenever she gets another mail telling her that yet another college does not want to have her, Yangyang always sees the positive. To him, there is an even bigger fate for her, a lesson to be learned, memories to make in the blur of the moment to live and recall when she is older. Instead of letting her bask in her disappointment, he takes her in a ride of indulging conversation. Inside her mind, Yangyang screams to have fun.

And fun is approachable with him.

“Let me lead the way,” He giggles, exactly what he does when he has an idea for a joke inside his head. “Forty for the college tour.”

“What a scam.” She retorts, voice earning a heartfelt laugh from Yangyang, who tosses the now empty bag of chips in the nearest trashcan before shrugging.

“I had to try.”

That is exactly like him. His mind is ripped and divided in millions of hobbies, thoughts and ideas needing to make the best out of every situation. Is it a curse or is it a blessing? She probably would ask herself, but everything about Yangyang was a blessing to her. The only best friend she had in her life, the one person that had seen her heart inside and out, torn and back together.

🌌

There are parallels in life. In October of the previous year, she had found herself inside Yangyang’s old room, coating his face in some cheap foundation three times lighter than his face—or even more, sincerely—and looking up Joker makeup tutorials on the internet, trying to keep the man from moving too much in his seat or from speaking when she was supposed to master the craft of the smiley red lipstick. Either way, the hair was the worst part at the time; Yangyang had claimed that he could just get it dyed, but the thought of bleaching his hair and dying it green simply to go to a Halloween party was too farfetched. Instead, some green hairspray had to do the trick, leaving a pout on Yangyang’s face until he saw the results. That day was a nightmare for her, tremendously harsh on her back thanks to her never-ending standing state, but seeing the smile on his face was enough.

Now, in the movie theater, with his hands clutching on to the tickets enough to make the tips of his fingers a little white, she envies that childlike excitement he owns. There was not a single wave that would ever be enough to wipe the smile off his face and if it ever were to happen, she would shelter him with her arms, afraid of Yangyang losing that spark that makes him so strongly himself. Natural, spontaneous, just her best friend.

Though, they are not alone. Lately, she can barely see him around people, let alone when he’s in solitude.

“What if we divide our money and pay for the biggest popcorn box?” Absolutely unexcused, she is thinking with her stomach in this getaway. The lights of the golden and red movie theater cast down on Yangyang’s golden skin, adorably and naturally outlined lips licked at the idea of the biggest, buttery box of popcorn, with its red and white stripes barely seen when their hands wrap around it. Yangyang reads her mind and maybe, he had thought of this, too, because he is taking out his wallet by the time she finishes the sentence, turning to her whilst grinning.

“I take your popcorn box and I double it with two big sodas because…it’s needed.” He contributes, typical of Yangyang to say something outrageous like that. His motto in life is to live in the moment and if stuffing their stomachs with popcorn and soda is what he wants to do, he will. He doesn’t care if later in the night, the guttural sounds of his stomach match the ache inside it, intestines and organs working hard to process the amount of food he ate, small in size and too little for his appetite.

Taking her money out, she smiles. “You’re right,” She says, moving forward in the line for the food in the Joker premiere at their local movie theater. “I can’t believe we’re watching this movie together.”

“I should be studying right now but like, I wouldn’t watch this without you.” Yangyang concludes, fumbling with his feet and balancing back and forth, too hyperactive to ever stay still.

“Don’t sugarcoat me—”

“I mean it! My roommate, Dejun, told me to watch it with his friends but I said no!” Moving one step ahead, he continues speaking. “You were the one that pushed through with my Joker addiction throughout high school.”

“You were…not cool as the Joker, let me tell you.” She tells him, raising her eyebrows to wiggle them in a teasing manner. “You looked like those kids that get their mom’s lipsticks all over their faces when they first try makeup.”

“…Blame the makeup artist, not the canvas.”

“What do you mean? I did what the YouTube tutorial told me to!”

“You didn’t do it justice, though!”

The feeling of a pair of arms hooking around their shoulders weighted their words down, someone’s strong arms pushing her body down slightly, sharing a glance with Yangyang who is in the same position. Elena is the one to hug them, tan skin gorgeous even with the thin layer of sweat over it, a big smile on her face when she ruffles their hairs. Cheng is somewhere, speaking to his own group of friends, college sweethearts that didn’t even spare her much of their times—a person who couldn’t even get in college is not of their interest, as it seems. The amount of people accompanying them is impressive, though extremely uncomfortable, leaving her silent unless Yangyang approached her. Charismatic enough he is to talk to the new people in their group of friends, but he opts to stay by her side, like a fish that never leaves the pond that watched him grow.

“Buy us some, will you? You’re the only one who works out of us, you should be the one inviting tonight.” Elena laughs, because in her words being borderline mean is what is considered to be a joking manner. Nonetheless, Yangyang spares her a glance, looks at her way her face hardens when she speaks.

“Elena, I need to save some money for rent. I’m not sure I am able to buy food for all of us—” She argues, something that has Elena sighing.

“Don’t be such a sap. You can earn that money back.”

Yangyang is the first one to move away from the grasp, shaking his head with a faint smile on his features. “We’ll be buying popcorn for us. I think it’s better if each of us pairs up with someone and buys popcorn for the two.” Not that their friend pays much attention, far different from the person she had met in high school, who used to hide in fear of being rejected by others. Elena had been once helpful, innocent, somewhat lost in the world, and her newfound popularity in college came out to be a surprise for everyone. Her eyes are fixated on the people behind her, Cheng talking excitedly to the rest of youthful individuals.

“Yeah, whatever. I’ll ask Cheng.” She finishes, giving her friend a smile behind her bitten lip. “I have one friend I want to introduce to you, though.”

She points at her chest, in awe of the flirty undertone in Elena’s voice. “…Introduce someone to me?”

“He’s so your type.” Elena, always touchy even when someone is just simply not having it, wraps her arm around her shoulder even tighter before turning her away from Yangyang, pointing at the tallest of the group. “He has a beard and goes to the gym. He’s an engineering student, too, like, he goes to one of my classes and he’s just so hot. Yangyang knows him, too!”

She turns to her friend, questioning him in his spot, but he simply gives her an innocent look. “I didn’t know he was coming today, I swear.”

“I don’t want you to pair me up with someone, I’ve told you already.” The conversation always comes afloat whenever she reunites with her old high school group of friends. Relationships in the bloom of youth, when everyone is simply looking to have fun, necessary for the growth of a person—until it wasn’t. It isn’t, in any way, shape or form, the first thing on her mind. Growth as an individual, in the shape of intelligence and wisdom, is far more important than any connection with another person. “Much less with Viking guy over there.”

Yangyang muffles his laughter, though it comes out in high spurts before he takes her by the arm, dragging her away from Elena’s prying ways. “We’re going to buy some popcorn, just let her be. Not everyone has to have someone.”

Though, sitting beside Yangyang during the movie they had awaited the most as a group of friends is not equally as enjoyable when she has two of her oldest friends constantly having the ‘Viking Guy’, as she likes to call him, try to spark conversation up with her. It’s awkward, clearly noticeable in the way they end up in silence that neither of them are interested, simply trying to get by that movie and leave. At some point, she finds herself more tranced in the cinematography of the film, the raw and heavy storyline, the scrupulous acting. Honorable, really, and way more desirable to watch when Yangyang is constantly talking about the infamous laugh of the character to her, proactive in every single way.

In some point of her life, she went back to stage one—the part of her knowing that she is stuck in the past, in the days when Yangyang would take up most of her time and Elena would be much more of a supportive friend than she is now, thankful and giving her the bracelet that hangs around her wrist, reminder of Elena’s first guitar gig when she was younger. Cheng, though silent, was the first person whom had ever contacted her through the phone, back at the time of high school practically glued to Yangyang’s hip, twins in heart and soul until they grew to be different. What had changed, if she had not at all? It feels wrong to be the type of person that sits in between a group of people who has individuals she swore to know, only to hear them speak differently, holding inside jokes with others, simply leaving her out as the one that has never moved on. The Peter Pan, who never grows up, who starts to sound childish in her task of never moving towards college and simply, never living that youthful love affair that everyone talks about.

The soda inside her system turns bitter, the constant looks from Cheng pointing at her to talk to someone, but she simply shrugs it off, finding whatever excuse there is—like putting her phone up her ear and pretending to get a call, to get out of there.

The night engulfs her in nostalgia, wishing to go back to the days she could go to sleep knowing when she would see her friends next. Instead, she is left with nothingness, wondering if at the end, she’ll be alone again. Why are the people she adored so insufferable to her now? Is she wrong? All those questions are clouded with the image of Yangyang, bringing her back the type of people that had always welcomed her in. He was one of the exceptions, the young man whom had also never changed. Though, deep in her heart, she knew that one day he would have to cut ties with his high school days…

Seated on the staircase that welcomes the movie theater, she waits for her taxi to pick her up, leggings-cladded legs pushing her knees up her chest, resting her chin in between them. To the people passing by, she must look pathetic, but she can’t bring herself to care when she felt so utterly uncomfortable with anyone else that she had once loved, with the exception of Yangyang, whose friendly ways had brought her back to enjoy the movie.

The sound of footsteps makes her look up, watching a pair of legs before someone sits down beside her, Yangyang’s recently dyed brown hair moving with the wind when he turns to look at her. His eyes are filled with that empathy that he lacks in his youthful ways, the epitome of a summer boy in all its expanse, and she basks in the familiar feeling that they have. “I am sorry Elena mad eyou uncomfortable. I told Cheng and Elena that bringing their college friends is not a good idea.”

She rolls her eyes, puckering up her lips out of disgust. Maybe, towards herself. “I should be able to get accustomed to this.” She starts, voice filled with frustration. “But it’s difficult to be the one left out. Everyone is talking about college and how college sucks and I’m here thinking that wow, everyone at this table just got in and got it over with. Everyone at that table do not think about love as this sacred, eventful thing. They just live their lives and…” Her voice cuts short, biting down on her bottom lip when she pulls her gaze away from him, scared that he will be able to look through her insecurity. “I don’t.”

“Your life should not consist of college and love.” Yangyang says, shrugging his shoulders soon after. He is uncomfortable in these situations, not able to give proper advice. “I’m proud of you. You do very good at your job.”

“I didn’t think I’d be just working at this point. I thought I would get a scholarship and—” She scoffs. “Then, there’s Elena. How many times have I told her that I don’t like her pairing me up with people? It’s annoying.”

“I told her not to bring him over.”

“…Thank you.” She whispers, resting her head against his shoulders to seek that comfort his bony structure brings. Something about him is not exactly warm, but it leaves a fluttering feeling to rest on her heart, as if everything is going to be okay as long as he exists in the same timeline as her. “Why did you come out?”

“It’s dangerous for you to be out this late,” Yangyang starts before pressing his finger down on her cheek. “And the only person I really like teasing is you, so…I came here.”

“You picked me over the frat-people?” She asks, the joke lingering on her voice when she speaks.

“I already get enough frat-dosage in college.” He tells her, holding her shoulder with his hand before sighing. “You asked someone to pick you up?”

“A taxi.”

“Let’s wait and then, I’ll go back.”

Once inside the taxi, a smile on her face practically glued there thanks to Yangyang’s voice, she watches him turn his back and enter the movie theater and it’s so representative in such a way. Even when they are together, he’ll always have to go back to the real world, one in which she feels like she won’t be part of for long. Once he closes the door behind him, she rests her head against the window.

Hopefully, the time to leave her behind doesn’t come soon, like a toy he is too grown up to hold in his arms.

🌌

Sitting on the old, flowery couch of the house of Cheng’s parents, she feels like an outcast, sipping on her glass of water as everyone holds a bottle of beer, enjoying their lives when they don’t have to wake up early to go to work…perhaps, for a class they can skip and they won’t even be kicked out of college for that, something that would happen if she were to do that in her workplace. There, with the sound of the buttons of a PS4 controller being pushed down repeatedly, some match of Germany against Spain being played in the FIFA game, she feels like she truly isn’t cut for this type of life. Everyone seems to be pretending, music loud and yet, everyone is talking about what they have, what they do, what they don’t do and how easy it comes to them. People fight to seem effortless, clothes tight and fashionable and yet, they pretend they didn’t take a few bits of their day to think about it. Some are making out, not afraid of people watching them, others are blowing clouds of smoke into the hair, cigarettes merging with weed, and then, there is one person who simply can’t seem to talk to anyone.

It is not a complex of perfection, much less does she think she is better than anyone else, but she finds herself fidgeting with the edge of her cup, roaming her gaze around the place as she wonders where the eventful nights of talking had gone to when they graduated, if Cheng and Elena were even the same people that she had once known. The thought dries her throat, wanting to leave by the time she takes a sip of her drink, the liquid almost getting out of her lips when she feels someone wrapping their arms around her neck, pressing a kiss to her temple that barely resonates through the music.

“Sorry, I’m late as usual.” As usual, who would have thought a phrase would bring so much joy? She thinks her usual days consist of a text from him or a reminder that somewhere in this world, Yangyang is always there for her. In the small seat, he manages to fit his hips, snugly pressed to the sides of hers while he takes a sip of his soda. “I had to take a bus here because I couldn’t find a taxi and…whatever, I got here, didn’t I?”

“You did.” She utters, fixing the messy strands of soft hair that swipe the air in spikey bits. “Reminds me of the times you would get twenty minutes late to the first period in high school. All day, every day.” The flushed sight of his cheeks marks a memory in her brain, seated at the back of the class beside Cheng and Elena, the latter probably looking over her shoulder to see what homework she had missed out on and Cheng mumbling something behind her ear in the form of a joke. Yangyang sat far away from her, in her line of sight however, looking for yet another excuse when he had none.

“I just love my sleep.”

“You really do.” She comments, pressing her phone back in her pocket before biting down on her bottom lip. “I’m glad you got here, though. Cheng is talking to his girl and Elena is smoking and getting her makeup done.”

Scrunching up his nose, Yangyang continues the conversation. “Elena hates getting makeup on, though.” That goes to show how much their lives had changed in over two years. Makeup is not necessarily the biggest of worries for her, but the sharpness of their texts, the unbearable state of knowing the end is near, that their personalities and lives don’t collide anymore. To certain extent, she feels like she continues to establish this bothersome friendship because she is scared of losing the warmth Yangyang brings her, missing him when he is not there, adoring him when he is by her side. “I won’t ask, though.” His eyes trail over the groups of people before he stands up from his spot, lending her his hand while he speaks. “Let’s go outside. It smells less like I’m about to lose my lungs.”

She chuckles at his words, wrapping her palm around his until she is up her feet. While moving through the seas of people, she gets to look at Yangyang. “I thought you’d be more into the party life.” Yangyang’s hair is moved away from his face, something unusual given to his laziness when treating with self-care. His outfit was fashionable, though, black and white striped shirt tucked inside a pair of black jeans.

“I don’t mind it,” Opening the door of the entrance of Cheng’s house, they are welcomed by his front yard, stars casting down on the beautiful garden, the faux butterflies the adoration of Cheng’s mother, one with nature and peacefulness. Quite the contrary from the explosion Cheng is once someone gets to know him past his quiet exterior. “But…you know, I just like spending time with you better.” He takes the cup from her hands, giving it a sip before humming. His eyes train on the stars, coating his eyes with the dreamiest of glares when she nudges his side with her elbow.

As always, she teases him, eager to bring laughter away from his lips. “You like me.” She sing-songs, something that has Yangyang widening his eyes comically before shaking his head.

“I don’t!”

“Yangyang, really, accept it, bro.” She huffs, looking up at the sky before she remembers this one pick up line battle they used to have in high school, starter of her blushed state in a way for Yangyang to make her more open to speaking. It had worked, just only that they made them even closer. “Ask me which Hogwarts house I want to be in.” She says, something that has Yangyang frowning before turning to look at her.

“What Hogwarts house do you want to be in?” He is amused, given to the tone of his voice, only to grin when he sees the fake smug smirk on her face.

“Not a Hogwarts house, but I would love to be in yours.” The horrid pick up line has him frowning and scrunching up his nose in disgust, pinching her lips with his fingers before swinging her head from side to side.

“Wash your mouth with Clorox, that’s the worst thing you’ve told me—”

But it is a conversation starter, in which she can finally get to hear the news of Yangyang’s week as a college student and she can ramble about this one client that doesn’t understand the importance of collectives, working with collections that are decades and decades old definitely has its fabric to cut and people who are not so glad with her job. The lights of the stars serve to give a hearty feeling, like what is being said in between them is only going to stay there, something that she lacks in her friendships nowadays. The only person that makes her feel like there are still people to trust in this world is Yangyang, and no one could take that spot.

With those faintly and naturally outlined lips of his, those mischievous eyes and that sweet but crazy nature of his, she thinks it would hurt her if he ever takes their friendship for granted, like how Elena and Cheng do, looking at the brighter people, the fun that comes with them. One day, the two of them are going to change…but growing up leaves her fearful, wanting time to stop and give her a break from the worries of tomorrow.

Their conversation is cut short when someone opens the door and asks Yangyang to go dance with them, something that he tries to deny until she tells him that it is okay, that he should go have fun. He looks over his shoulder, pondering if she is even in her right mind, but then he is out of sight, leaving her alone with the stars.

He deserves to grow away from her.

🌌

I saw Sai from high school at the train station today. He kept asking me about my boyfriend and I was so confused. Turns out everyone believes you’re my boyfriend…still.

That text was written earlier in the morning, when her shoulder blades were uncomfortably pressed to the seat of her train, wanting to get to work as soon as possible, but the response was only welcomed when she got her lunch break, back hunched when she checks her phone with one hand and the other takes her food out of the microwave. Wrong decision in the life of an adult, it seems, because the heat seeps through her skin and has her hissing quickly. The plate bumps the table in front of her, making her roll her eyes at her stupid decision before returning her gaze to the answer Yangyang gave over an hour ago.

She remembers the confusion the young and actually innocent version of herself had felt when she realized that people had always thought she was dating Yangyang. Her first real friend, the same guy who spoke about everyone he liked to her, and the person she spent every single moment with. As it turns out, walking beside someone in school is enough to create a rumor and that rumor gets out of hand when Yangyang simply decides to post a picture of his best friend in social media. Granted, sometimes she wondered what could happen if only she held Yangyang’s hand once, or if their little pick-up fight at the time was a way to blow on the tension between themselves—

Their situation is weird when this topic comes to their hands.

Ha-ha, time to confess!

Her eyes widen when she reads those words, the food she had pushed inside her mouth suddenly feeling like it could escape her mouth. She imagines Yangyang’s mocking tone, but the sentence reads weirdly, scrolling down until she sees the rest of the texts:

I may have liked you the first few months of our friendship, but like…I thought it was not mutual and never really did anything. Got over it, though, I realized you’re a dumbass.

The thought of Yangyang crushing on her like he had done on the endless list of girls simply has her dumbfounded. Yangyang, acting like a complete fool to get her attention and using his stupid pick-up lines to get to her heart. The base of the first joke they had as friends was a way for him to flirt with her, and that is nonsensical enough. In reality, she wonders if she would have ever liked Yangyang or if she has liked him, for the matter, if the fluttering inside her stomach is simply a way her body reacts to her feelings for him, if this comfort he brings her and this fear of losing him comes with romantic feelings. Is this why men are never enough…because they are not Yangyang?

This is not how she wants her day to go, though, too confused to even think if Yangyang feels like her real friendship because she had jumbled a crush with such a thing…or simply because this doesn’t feel real. She tries pinching her cheeks, watching the conversation before her and soon after, she replies.

I don’t think I have liked you, dumbass.

The reply is short, but Yangyang’s message comes faster than she expected it to go through.

Come on, I know you liked me the first time we met, too.

Frowning, she tries to think of her first thoughts when she met him…but they were all average. After that, the developmental phase of their friendship is what makes her confused. What had people seen that she had completely missed?

Also, you said I don’t think!

I didn’t like you, Yangyang.

So, you like me now?

You’re asking as if we were really going to end up together.

I don’t think so, but everyone has been wanting us to get together since year nine. I think it’s fair to say…we’re a match.

To think of Yangyang in such a light doesn’t seem impossible and while closing her eyes, she tries to think of kissing him…to see what kind of reaction spurts from her. She imagines the smile he would give her before leaning in, his soft hands holding her neck before he dives in, taking his time to tease her with a few inexperienced bits here and there, those lips that capture her attention suddenly turning into the reason why she opens her eyes and shakes her head. She couldn’t confess that somewhere deep within her she has always wanted this, the romantic reaction she could get out of him.

Thus, she responds:

If we’re alone by the time we’re forty, we need to reproduce and the Earth is about to die if we don’t create a baby, then we’ll be a match.

🌌

One day, the building she had tried to keep together with effort, deep breaths and the hope of getting her friends back tumbles down on her, reminds her of how different things are from the past and leaves her with yet another wound in her heart.

It has been quite a while since someone has hurt her that deep. She may have been thirteen or fourteen the last time it happened, far younger and more naïve, definitely looking to get her heart broken with the way she acted and it was expected, but she had never wished for her friendship with Elena to end. Though their beginning was rough, with her gut telling her there was something wrong with the overly excited young woman that wanted to push herself into every group of friends, she always believed in Elena and she was the person that pushed her to be the best version of herself. The pencil-written notes at the edges of her notebook, short explanations of the subjects she didn’t understand for when she was studying; the person who would write to her in her worst times, telling her that she is never going to be worth what people say about her; the same person who left all her prejudices behind to create something beautiful out of them. Then, came Cheng, an exact copy to Elena once they hung out more with each other, both her friends along with Yangyang.

Somewhere in between, Elena had forgotten about the importance of the lessons she learned with her friend. What had been done to her, she did to everyone else. No longer was she enough for the slightly older woman, barely a few months older than her, poking fun at the most miniscule parts of her, the torn sides of her personality that she got to see after so many years of friendship, taking them as weapons to go through her heart. Pushing her to be someone whom she is not, introducing her to a new man at every chance she gets, giving her number out like hot bread in a bakery, as if her matchmaking skills will save her from turmoil. The opportunity to have education and paid by her single mother at that is enough to make her feel like more.

The person who was once equal to her now feels like she owes her the time they spend together.

Cheng is the same, the conversation they had through the phone as they simply push her to ‘go out on a fucking date for once in her life’ is the last thing she needed after three months of wanting to see them, realizing that everyone had been right all along. Her mind, most of all, knowing they had changed. Perhaps, they are not bad people…but they are not the people for her, wanting a cookie-cutter versions of themselves, pushing their insecurities down in someone who is living her life differently.

It hurts to sit on the floor, head laying on her sofa when she reads over the texts, sees the blocked contacts and realizes how many pictures of them she has in her phone. Pictures of Elena hugging her when they shared their first birthday together. Pictures of Cheng with her during graduation, when he almost fell down the set of stairs out of nervousness. Those people who had been once her soul feel like they are suffocating her and when she looks at a picture of the four of them, Yangyang included by her side, she wonders when the time is that he is going to change and make her leave him, too, for her emotional health is far more important than any friendship.

The level of difficulty elevated after she realized she liked Yangyang.

It wasn’t rocket science to put the pieces together, fantasizing about seeing him and dreaming about him in a romantic light became more and more common for her. She knows she likes Yangyang, but she doesn’t know when the feeling developed. Maybe, after he had pointed it out or perhaps, it had always been there. Nonetheless, seeing his name pop up in the screen almost makes her feel like life is mocking her, pushing the green button on the screen down before bringing the phone up her ear.

“I read the group-chat texts.” He goes straight to the point, voice filled with rage and breath quickened with fear. This is the same voice she heard from Yangyang when he once thought he was going to get robbed, but thankfully nothing had happened. For one of the few times in his life, Yangyang is petrified. “…I was in class, just know I have nothing to do with this. I don’t agree with what they are saying.”

Sighing, she looks up at the ceiling, closing her eyes tightly when she feels the sudden need to cry. “Yangyang, do you think our friendship is going to end, too?”

“What? No, fuck no.”

“Why?” She asks, far too lost in the feeling of loss, grieving the friendships she had loved to bits.

“Because you’re my friend.”

“But you’re bound to grow up, Yangyang. I’m still stuck in the high school days.” The words that had been once told to her engrave in her brain, becoming one with her insecurities, all cause of hanging around with the wrong people in such an important moment of her life. “Well fuck, sorry.” She is defensive by now, frowning when she feels a lump on her throat, trying to battle the tears escaping her eyes. “Sorry you guys think of me as less for not going to college, or for not having enough money to pay for it. Sorry I don’t want to date around or that I never talk about who I like. Sorry I don’t drink or smoke or whatever. I just…I want to be happy, is that something I should be apologizing about? I can’t keep up with their friendship—”

“And you shouldn’t.” Yangyang says, voice filled with the emotions he hides, most often than not speaking in a lively manner. “You shouldn’t be friends with people who want to change you.”

“…They’re your friends, too—”

“They are not my friends if they hurt you.” The confession has her opening her eyes, chest shaking and limbs trembling, gripping on to the nearest cushion when a sob finally leaves her lips, immediately alarming Yangyang, though his voice remains levelled. “I’m picking you, again and again. You’re my best friend and I love you.” She can’t help but shake her head, in disbelief that even when his life had moved so fast and he had found a good set of new friends, he had always remembered his roots, the person whose days had always been filled with him and vice versa. “I love you and I’m coming over, okay? Don’t cry. I’ll be there in…thirty, maybe.”

It feels wrong to drag Yangyang down with her, along with the remaining pieces of the building that had been destroyed, but something she had not realized at the time that bad endings sometimes lead to good beginnings, that the lessons she had learned along with Yangyang could work for their individual lives. Nostalgia could never fight wisdom and it’ll never be more worthy than it, so she waits for the punchline from life when she opens the door to welcome Yangyang in, thirty-five minutes later only to receive a hug from him.

If his hugs could speak, warm and candid with the way his arms wrap around her shoulders securely, they would say it will be alright, that there is nothing that makes her any more or less than the people who have dragged her down.

Life is telling, both Yangyang and her, that the decisions they made that night are the most certain. They only need each other for now.

🌌

Truly, the aftermath a few months later leads her to believe finding friends is even more difficult once you become an adult. Opening up to people is a talent, actually, and younglings take it for granted. A heart can only take so many wounds from someone they love before it fights against the pain…and she learns that rather quickly, takes it and makes it something better.

Birthdays want to be spent alone, same with events that her coworkers invite her to—they seem to be too much hassle, like someone is nearing her to an extent she is fearful of, but as there is always told in every story, there is an exception. The exception of the rule, the positive answer that comes out of two negatives multiplied, and that name goes to Yangyang. The best friend that even though had grown apart from her, had always found a place in the most recondite of his heart to have her in there, that had never forgotten the importance of friendship, had memorized the days they dreamed about being older and the nights they dreaded the day to ever come by.

Meeting new people becomes easier with him; slowly, at her pace and how she wants it to happen, though. Yangyang never pushes her to do anything out of the extraordinary, standing by her side and bringing a smile to her face when he takes the time to pick her up from work or when he sees her entering the college grounds, carrying a container with heated food for him to have. The smallest things, tried even through their endless tiredness, keep them together. The fluttering feeling remains there, his arms always finding solace in her shoulders, her nose home in his collarbones, sniffing the cologne that sometimes he forgets to wear. Yangyang, though he continues to grow up and change, still feels like the best person she ever met. Her only friend.

And after a while, she came to the realization that she had grown, as well.

Grown away from bad friendships, became responsible with her job and had started to grow some passion for it. Dreams are dangling from the branches of the tree that is her, picking them up slowly, taking its time in developing herself, taking the gleams of the sun in as a way of growing. She was not the same, but it is okay, she, too, deserved to grow up.

The lung is kicked out of her lungs when she realizes that her little walk back home alongside Yangyang is coming to an end, that feeling she had as a kid of wanting to stay and play clinging to her, her hands deeply placed inside the pockets of his coat, standing behind him and dragging herself with his every movement. This is the closeness they have, the one that makes her heart race more and more with the passage of time—

One day, she’ll be grown enough to tell him she likes him.

“We’re here.” Yangyang announces, a pout on his face when he turns around, blowing on her slightly frozen hands. Her fingers could barely move, having forgotten her gloves somewhere in her apartment. “Take a hot shower once you get there, okay? I don’t want you to become an Elsa.”

“…Of Frozen, you mean?” She asks, earning a sharp nod from Yangyang.

“The blue dress isn’t your style. Neither is it singing.”

“Ah, shut up.” She says, resting both of her hands on each side of his face, hearing him take a short breath in when the cold skin of hers connects to his. “Work on that homework today, Yangyang. You can’t be leaving things for the last minute. You don’t know what could happen and then, you could completely forget about it.”

“I never will.” The confidence that radiates from him, one that only comes with the blank mindset of a young adult, thinking that they are able to do it all, is exactly what keeps bringing her back to him, because on the long run, Yangyang has taught her that she can do it all.

“I like you.” The mumble is only given in between the two and it escapes her like a kiss would in between two lovers that miss each other. Yangyang’s eyes don’t widen, he doesn’t give a surprised reaction, neither does he do anything impressive other than asking her:

“Are you joking?”

“I’m not.” She promises. “You know I never joke around with stuff like this.”

With a sigh of relief, Yangyang clasps her hands together, kissing her knuckles before bringing a big smile on his face. “I know,” He says. “I just…I don’t know; I feel like we were always meant to end up liking each other.”

That must be a positive answer, the one that she expected. She shrugs her shoulders, leaning forward until their chests were pressed together. “Maybe, we’re soulmates.”

“You say ‘maybe’ as if we aren’t already.” The dumb tone of voice he uses to imitate the word has her laughing, shaking her head when her head takes its spot over his collarbone.

“Well, let me correct myself. We are soulmates.”

The soft gush of air that leaves his lips paints in the sky romantically when he finally says something serious, unlike Yangyang in every possible way. “We are.”

And the starts twinkle, indicators that every dot of theirs connected to create their own constellation. If it is written in the stars, it is meant to happen.

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 3 years

Note

Hi, I've only recently come across your blog and I'd like to ask you a question regarding my type. I've originally written a long text to mbti-notes via private messaging, but I'd like to hear your opinion as well and draw conclusion from that. In short, I've been typing myself as INFP most of the time, even though I've felt like something is off, that I don't relate well to Fi-dom descriptions, etc. so I'm now thinking I could be an INFJ. I'll provide examples for INFJ as well as some questions

Some info: I'm 20, bipolar, have PTSD and severe social anxiety (diagnosed, so I know I'm not just looping or gripping, but this leads to questions such as if I really have Fe or it's just anxiety, etc.) but I've started psychotherapy, I'm not in a depressive nor hypomanic state so nothing really influences my perception of self, etc. Pretty confident that I'm an INFx, although I'm open to other possibilites, as well. Ni usage: I have a concrete sense of direction and where I want to end up

which does slightly change when I'm going through even more stress than usual, however I have everything planned out and absorb as much information on anything that could help me achieving my goals as possible. Unlike many Ne users (even Ne-terts I know), I don't enjoy switching areas of interest every week, dedication and going for your goal is ultimately what matters to me. I often envision the ideal situation and don't enjoy preparing for everything at one time: I get disappointed whenever

doesn't go as I envisioned it, but I often subconsciously "just know" how some things will play out. Though, this doesn't mean I'm okay without thinking everything thorough and immediately reacting to everything hoping it will be all right.HOWEVER: I think anyone is capable of (thinking they're) "predicting things" for whatever reason. I do like structure, and I have the need to know everything before my mind can move on. Although I have trouble with procrastination, I see this as more of an

emotional issue, since I still need everything to be clear. But still, I'd rather delay something than set it in advance when circumstances can change uncomparingly drastically, and this just seems like common sense to me. I'm absolutely perfectionistic in what I assume is important to me. I have to have full control over specific processes since I usually have some kind of vision how they have to turn out and evolve. HOWEVER: I could definitely picture an Fi-Te user doing this with their art

Why I don't think I use Ni: despite me criticizing whatever seems superficial to me, I still would describe myself as "too shallow" to be put in the same list as other Ni doms if judging by the depth of their Ni. I can enjoy things like living in the moment or spending good time with friends possibly too easily for an Ni dom. I've also been described as scatter-brained before, and had to take the role of the class clown on some occasions (this is more stereotyping than typing by functions, tho)

Fe: I'm pretty much "anti-Fi" in some aspects: this comes more from comparing myself against other Fi dominants, but they all have a somewhat, for a lack of better word, naive way of thinking about their identity, such as that you should show who you truly are all the time and through anything you can, to the point of giving up anything that makes them take up a persona. While this can be exhausting to me as well, I just don't seem to have a sense of personal identity whatsoever

Why I don't think I have Fe: even though I care a lot about what people think of me, I wonder if it's actually just inferior Te. In the end, even though I don't have a sense of identity, I "adopt" characteristics of people who seem interesting to me and act as if they were mine. Why I don't think I have Se: I don't think I have ever looped in a way of making impulsive decisions I regret later, etc. only wasting my time sleeping, doing pointless physical activities, etc.

----------------

Hi anon,

I was not able to come up with a type from this as there are very few actual examples, and putting things in terms of MBTI jargon/comparison to people you have typed as certain types is not really useful because I don’t know if they’re actually that type; it’s also really hard to go off of “here’s everything I’m not”, so I would recommend reading through the FAQ if you’re still stuck. Also, 20 is young and you might need more time to develop, particularly if you’ve been dealing with several mental health issues during your teens.

That said, here’s what I have

- lack of examples often correlates to high intuition in that intuitives tend to go straight to their interpretation and general descriptors rather than examples of their behavior

- someone once joked that long asks are usually high Ne and while I don’t think that’s universally true, it’s often true.

concrete sense of direction and where you want to end up is usually high Ni or Si, but in particular the part about procrastination because things can change really does not sound like an Ni dom at all. Dom Ni users tend not to procrastinate but also tend to really struggle with contingency - they are often so fixated on the vision that they don’t know how to deal with the idea that it may not come to pass.

Liking structure is one thing; do you create structure? Some NPs and SPs appreciate structure as an aid/jumping off point but do not create it; they can still find it helpful. Improvisation is still something that has structure, it’s just not the set structure. So this is a case where examples are absolutely vital.

A lot of the other Ni stuff is just people stuff; I think most people have an image of the ideal, and MBTI defines more your relationship to that, not that it exists. Perfectionism is also something for which examples are pretty vital; I see high Ti users claim perfectionism when it’s more what I’d call logical consistency, and sometimes it’s just high standards.

I should also note that while the circumstances of this question make me think intuition is more likely, most of what you’ve said for Ni is equally likely (if not more likely) to be Si; there’s nothing about themes or abstraction, but rather some degree of planning ahead/closure, with an eye to contingency.

So: examples are needed for the perceiving functions.

The part about Fi is similarly not really useable; I don’t know the people you’ve typed as Fi users; I don’t know if they are actually Fi users or if they’re immature Fi users, if you’re talking about ten people or two people, or what. This isn’t to say that comparing yourself against other people isn’t useful for typing yourself - it is - but when asking people who do not know you questions, you need references that they have access to and I do not have this access. With that said, lack of a sense of identity indicates you’re probably not a high Fi user.

Inferior Te wouldn’t really make you care much about what other people think of you (certainly not more than inferior Fe), and again, it’s hard to determine anything from adopting characteristics of others since that can be normal cognition (people mirror each other in general, regardless of type) or alternately, a conscious decision to imitate someone you admire (which anyone can do since it’s by choice).

My wild guess is xNTP, actually, but it’s very tentative; this felt too rambly for high Ni and the evidence for/against feels like it’s coming from a place of high Ti, attempting to put a consistent logical “if I do not fit all aspects of this I am not this” model in place.

#mbti #nowwhatisthissite

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anxresi · 4 years

Text

Chloe’s Last Straw

Synopsis:

Chloe is guilty of many things in her life. But not this. Never this. So when her mother says something unforgivable to a person she'd usually consider an enemy, it's up to her to put things right. Grab your popcorn folks, and get ready for a roasting. Written for Blackout Tuesday.

..............................

Caline Bustier sighed in exasperation, wondering how her once promising career as an educator had stuck her with this… the most ill-disciplined, out-of-control bunch of students she’d ever had to guide since her formative years as a kindergarten coordinator.

But even those young rapscallions had some level of respect for their elders, whereas the current batch of alleged ‘maturer’ teens…

They couldn’t even raise their heads for role-call in the morning.

“Max! Stop playing with that flying toy this second ! Mylene, Ivan… you can kiss each other during recess! Return to your desks now ! Nathanael! Put down those pencils and listen to me! Lila, I know you said you suffer from ADHD, but until I see a doctor’s note, I expect you to respond immediately when I call your name! Honestly, it’s like trying to herd cats! And where on Earth are…”

“I’m here! I’m here!!” As if in answer to her request, Adrien Agreste bustled in just then, out-of-breath and apparently with a ready-made excuse to explain his absence. “Dawn fashion shoot… then piano recital… early morning practice… stop me falling behind. A-Apologies Miss Bustier… you know how it is with my father…”

“Hmm, yes… I’m afraid I do .” The frowning teacher gave an understanding nod, for Gabriel Agreste’s huge expectations for his son often led to constant late arrivals for his son. “I would say ‘try not to let it happen again’, but something tells me it’s out of my hands. Oh well, at least you haven’t missed any actual lesson time this week. Go and sit down, please. Now I wonder where…”

“ Argh ! S-Sorry Miss! Mom got sick… and usually she handles the morning deliveries… so I had to take a quick detour on my way here… and…” bang

At least, that’s the sound effect there would’ve been, if a stumbling Marinette Dupain-Cheng hadn’t been caught by Adrien on her inevitable descent to the floor. Right place, right time.

Still didn’t stop her blushing like a stoplight though.

“A-Adrien!! Gulp. H-Hi. ” The blunette gave a passable impression of a fish out of water.

“Hey there! F-Funny the places we run into each other, isn’t it?” Adrien seemed equally struck for what he wanted to say.

“ Ahem !” That was the sound of an impatient teacher, who obviously had no romance in her soul and was eager to restart the headcount. “If you two are quite finished with your impromptu act, you can save it for the talent show next month. Take your respective seats so we can get on. Wait…”

Glancing at Adrien And Marinette’s chairs had revealed something unprecedented in the recent history of this hallowed halls of education. In fact, so unbelievable was it, Miss Bustier had to rub her eyes twice just to make sure what she saw wasn’t just another product of her espresso-infused imagination.

For it would appear as though young Agreste and Dupain-Cheng, by some measure the most tardy pupils Caline Bustier had ever known, were not among the last ones to arrive that incredible day.

No, that dubious honor belonged to none other than the students the aforementioned pair shared a desk with, namely Nino Lahiffe and Alya Cesaire.

W-What the… the panicking teacher’s look of astonishment was completely forgivable, as both Marinette and Adrien made good their escape. I’ve never known anything like this to happen before. It’s most unlike them. I just hope they’re okay. Maybe, if they’re not here soon, I should ask the headmaster if…

Miss Bustier’s short soliloquy was interrupted by an unpleasant shrieking noise as a familiar pair strode in. The high-pitched noise made the hairs on her neck stand on end and shattered the formerly serene atmosphere of the classroom once and for all.

“ Dahling . You know I wouldn’t go back to New York without saying goodbye to my precious Coraline, don’t you sweetheart? I might be away for quite a while this time, even past Christmas, but you understand, right? If I’m not there to personally introduce my new range of spangly negligees to the world at Fashion Week, my competitors might steal my thunder! I might even be bumped off the front page of Vogue! And you remember what I’ve told you every day, since the blessed occasion you were born, whenever that was…”

“Yes, mother. ‘If you’re not somebody, then you’re nobody.’ I get it. But do you ‘get’: my name isn’t ‘Coraline’, it’s Chloe . Coraline is that so-called kids movie we saw years ago, the one that was so scary I nearly wet… you know what, n-never mind.”

The loud screech of Audrey Bourgeois’s voice was almost enough to give poor Miss Bustier a migraine, as if the prospect of trying to teach her disruptive daughter good manners wasn’t difficult enough. Why did this have to be the one day I forgot to bring my aspirin to class with me? Tell me, what did I do to deserve this? Did I walk under a ladder yesterday? Did I crack a mirror, or step on a gypsy’s foot by mistake? Please, if I am cursed for whatever reason, let me know how I can fix it. For the love of…

“Mrs Bourgeois! What an unple… u-unexpected pleasure!” The rapidly unraveling teacher put on her fakest, friendliest face to welcome the surprise guest. “How are you? When was the last time we met? I seem to recall it was at the salon…”

“What was that? Who is this strange person heckling me, dear?” Audrey pulled down her shades to stare closer, as Chloe whispered in her mom’s ear. “Oh yes, your public school educator. Still with the red hair I see, ugh . Yes, I remember… I told her to dye her roots blonde like me if she wanted a better job than the impossible task of instructing these degenerates. Because as we all know: ‘blondes have more fun’. Isn’t that right, Chlorine?”

Whether Chloe was still sore from Audrey getting her name wrong twice now, or just plain embarrassed by her female parent’s condescending behavior, who knows. She didn’t repeat her mother’s mantra again like last time though, and instead stood there nervously with her hands in her chino pockets, portraying quite an un-Chloe lack of confidence.

“Well anyway, if you simply must know Miss… Bustier, was it?” An uninterested Audrey inquired, proving the rumor true that her daughter’s name was the only one she regularly forgot. “I was just seeing my precious off, before catching the afternoon plane to uptown New York. It’s just wonderful there in the summer, with all the glitterati in attendance for the various functions. You really must try it, darling… oh sorry I forgot: on your meager salary, it might prove to be an impossible dream. Still, we can’t all be as ridiculously wealthy as me and my husband, can we?”

“Y-Yes, I suppose so.” Miss Bustier desperately kept her sentences as short as possible. She didn’t want the dreadful woman to stay there a second longer than absolutely necessary. “W-Well, I don’t want to keep you, if you have things you need to…”

“So, these are the local children you go to school with, dear?” Deciding she was tired with Miss Bustier’s ‘rambling’, a bored Audrey fixed a critical eye over the classroom. “Well, I must say, I’ve seen far better. A poor crop if ever there was one… why your father refused to let you be privately educated is beyond me. I suspect it’s because he wants to boost his election prospects by letting you ‘mingle with the common folk’, but is it really worth it? I hate to think the effect such distasteful surroundings must be having on your delicate young mind.”

Outraged gasps erupted from all around the room, and if Chloe could’ve jumped into a fifty-foot hole never to emerge, she likely would’ve done so with relish. Alas, this was not an option, and so once more the twitching girl was forced to deal with the consequences of her mother’s shameless arrogance and total lack of volume control.

But just as even the usually docile Miss Bustier was about to say something stronger to defend her visibly irritated students, the last two attendees emerged through the door, puffing and panting as they arrived at long last. Also noticeably, covered in what can only be described as black oil stains.

First up was Nino Lahiffe, who paused slightly to catch his breath and adjust his cap. Then came his girlfriend Alya Cesaire just behind, who despite being pretty exhausted herself, began to speak “N-Nino’s dad gave us a lift, but the car broke down. We had to help him fix it…”

Suddenly Audrey Bourgeois, obviously on a roll, glanced behind her with a pronounced sneer. Upon seeing the pair in question, her expression of disapproval grew even more pronounced…

And what she said next was truly shocking. Except, maybe not her.

“Who might these ‘people’ be, then? While I think it’s laudable you’ll let just about anyone into these types of schools Bustier, I hope you realize some individuals can’t be taught. Just look at those hopeless youths, for example. Obviously from a rough neighborhood, probably down to one parent each, deprived of everything to judge by their filthy clothing, and they can’t even be in class on time. Probably wasting their lives on the street listening to ‘wrap’ music, or whatever it’s called. As if this sort even need an education, in their future careers as minimum wage cleaners or drug-dealers. Really dear, you’d be better off kicking them out and investing in school uniforms instead…”

“ That’s enough !!”

Stunned faces all around. Jaws dropping to the floor. A few people on the verge of fainting, at the identity of the person who uttered those two screamed words.

It wasn’t Miss Bustier, who was prepared to declare her response by more physical means (a hard fist to the face of an unrepentant bigoted snob, if you must know).

Not Alya, who looked just about ready to burst into tears, being held by her apoplectic boyfriend in his arms (otherwise, he might’ve formed an unstoppable tag-team with his teacher to kick some serious a**).

The surprise shouter was none other than Chloe Bourgeois, who having finally been pushed to her absolute limit at her mother’s complete lack of respect for anyone besides her own reflection, had finally snapped.

And boy, was it something to behold.

“Mom, as I’m sure anyone who isn’t you would agree, I’ve put up with a lot over the years. The insults. The dirty looks. Long absences. Always getting my name wrong. Never telling me you love me. Raising me to think ‘sacking’ anyone who disagrees with you is permissible behavior. I can tolerate all this and more, but there is one thing where I must draw the line. You want to know what that is?”

“ Must we get into this now, dear? You know I like first pick of the best VIP seats…” There Mrs Bourgeois went again, thinking this was just another conversation where she could brush off her daughter’s genuine concerns.

Well, in this case, she was about to get ‘schooled’ (pun not intended).

“Well, I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s racism Mom, plain and simple, and I won’t stand for it! Whatever problems I might’ve had with Alya and Nino in the past, and believe me there’s been plenty, I’ve never treated them differently due to the color of their skin! How shallow can you get?! And coming from me, this is the biggest of big deals!”

It was as if someone had lit a fuse underneath Audrey’s designer shoes, as the formerly unflappable woman suddenly recoiled in shock. “W-What… well I never ! How could you say such terrible things to me, Chlorophyll? Why, if you weren’t my own flesh and blood, I’d sue you on the spot! I’ll have you know, some of my best workers are blac…��

“Yeah, ‘workers’. You just made my point for me. That’s all they are to you, aren’t they? I’ve seen the way you treat them differently to even our other staff, calling them ‘tanned’ and ‘colored’ right to their faces. They don’t say anything because they don’t want to lose their jobs, and shamefully neither do I because frankly, you scare me sometimes. Well, that ends this second . The instant you behave that way again, I’ll be on you like a ton of bricks. Also, do you wanna know something else?”

“H-Huh?” Audrey’s demeanor had abruptly switched from coolness personified to utter confusion. Being called out so blatantly in front of a bunch of ‘underprivileged ragamuffins’ by her petulant child was not on the itinerary today.

“I’ll spoil it for you again. Father hates your attitude even more than I do! Whenever you finish treating the staff like the dirt under your feet, he goes to each one in turn to apologize personally. As well as give them a few extra euros that month, as if that’ll make up for the abuse they have to suffer. But look who I’m talking to! The woman who thinks Chinese and Japanese people are practically the same! And people wonder where I got such a stupid idea from…”

‘I-I…” For the first time in her life, Mrs Bourgeois was completely lost for words. All she could do was stare dumbly and numbly at her irrepressible daughter, as the young girl finished her extended lecture with a flourish.

“Finally, I suppose I should let you know about the head cook at our hotel. You know, the one who you think makes the best meals around for Daddy and his clients at short notice? Or when you have to entertain people, and she puts on a spread that’ll put any other caterer in the city to shame? That’s Mrs Cesaire, the mother of Alya over there. How do you think she’s going to feel, when she hears you racially insulted her daughter so terribly in front of her entire class? I don’t know, but if I were you I’d check my food for signs of saliva for a while. Also, put your lawyers on stand-by, because I think it may be heading for court. And if you want to know who’s side I’ll be on, here’s a clue…”

At this juncture, Chloe put her mouth to her now trembling mother’s ear to whisper sharply:

“...It won’t be yours!”

That was all it took for Mrs Audrey Bourgeois to collapse on the floor, in such a comatose state that not even the strongest smelling salts around could revive her in the foreseeable future.

...Not that anyone really wanted to do that, of course. Even the school nurse balked at helping someone who’d been so vile to the innocent students there. So, in an unconscious heap on the floor she stayed.

In the end, she missed her flight and the free expensive champagne on offer. Oh dear. How sad. Never mind.

As for Chloe, having said her piece and blithely sauntered over to her seat next to Sabrina afterwards, she was most surprised by the deafening cheer that subsequently erupted, as well as the much better treatment she got for an entire week afterwards by everyone present (even from Marinette).

As unusual as her newfound popularity was though…

She could quite easily get used to it.

If only she could master this whole ‘being nice’ thing.

..............................

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Remember everyone, having White Privilege isn’t just about paying lip service to the concerns of minorities and posting black squares and hashtags one Tuesday to show you care…

It’s about using your advantageous platform all year round to speak up to defend those in need, whoever they are. After all. if activism was just listening to others whilst doing precisely nothing to change the world outside the confines of social media, how are we gonna change the world?

Food for thought. Hope you enjoyed the story, which (I hope) got the point across well enough. Whatever you think, let me know… and thanks for reading! :)

#chloe bourgeois #audrey bourgeois #Nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #Marinette Dupain-Cheng #adrien agreste #Miss Bustier #ladybug #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #blackout tuesday #blackouttuesday

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eeveemasters · 4 years

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hey, all you lovely people! full disclosure i talk a lot and i have thought about this character thoroughly when you look under that read more... oh boy... just a heads up. anywho... guess i’m the last here i see, well, that’s typical. I’m late to literally everything, although this time I do have a good excuse. i’d tell you what it is but you don’t really wanna read about me gettin’ it in all weekend and drew is my bro -like literally. we share blood. we came outta the same womb. 26 hours of labor. 19 minutes apart. our poor mother- so he def doesn’t wanna read about it and that is a swill of information about me before ya even know my name which says a lot, doesn’t it? inst-y-ways, I’m maddie and I’m Jewish, you’ll figure out why i’m putting that out there now. also hello again. i hope y’all are ready to get this party started, cause this is where it’s at! look below & hit that read more and I will tell you all about my baby girl, Eevee.

TW: DEATH, DEPRESSION, STALKER, MURDER, KIDNAPPING

★ ━ ( candice patton, cis-female, she/her ) ━ ★ just to be clear, ya didn’t get this information from me. The person you’re lookin’ for is EVELYN LUCIA MASTERS. also known as EEVEE. Last I heard she was born on APRIL 7TH, 1988 in SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS, but she’s been livin’ in RICHMOND, for about EIGHT MONTHS. Word around the districts is, this doll, EEVEE can be VENGEFUL, SELF-RIGHTEOUS, & A KNOW-IT-ALL, but i gotta tell, ya, alls I seen is good things, like the fact that she’s RESILIENT, CHARISMATIC, & ENERGETIC. I guess that depends on how well ya know ‘em, though. the last thing ya need to know is that she works as an A-LIST ACTRESS & CO-OWNER OF EXCALIBUR COMICS. I don’t know much about what that’s all about but I do know that’s all I can tell ya the rest you gotta find out on ya, own. ━ ( ooc: maddie, pst, 28, she/her )

Evelyn Lucia Masters.

the irony of her name is that it means “wished for child”

she was definitely not.

hence why she goes by...

Eevee.

Yes, like the Pokemon.

No, it’s not a stage name or a gimmick.

She legally changed her name.

It’s on her credit card. ( so are kittens! )

Born in San Antonio Texas.

Jewish, Bisexual & Very Proud.

Collette Rivers

Her mother.

One of the first and few Black, Soap Opera stars.

Had a wildly popular sitcom for a hot minute.

Career was on fire in the 80′s & 90′s.

Transitioned to clothing designer and eventually a reality tv real housewife when she couldn’t get jobs anymore.

Joseph Masters.

Her Father.

a former actor

was very well known for CSI.

was on broadway.

became a sought after director.

it’s a whole family in the biz, so of course...

@ two years of age, Eevee became an Actress™

baby diaper commercials with her mom.

then singing lessons.

then dance lessons.

then pageants.

more commercials.

a bit of child modeling.

more commercials.

reoccurring kid on sesame street.

then a reoccurring (but not staring) role on Gullah Gullah Island.

1998. She’s 10.

lands a role on Broadway opposite Leon Thomas III as Nala in The Lion King.

this is the jumping-off point of her career. where it really shot off

but ignoring that for a minute...

Eevee has 5 other siblings.

4 of them are alive.

when Eevee was 15 she’d just gotten season 1st ( and eventually only ) season of her Disney show renewed and she had a stalker. on her 16th birthday, the stalker snuck into her sweet 16, cornered her when she and her older, brother Elias were alone, stabbed Elias, and kidnapped Eevee. Elias was rushed to the hospital when they found him but died shortly after. They found Eevee, recovered her from the stalker unharmed, but when she asked about Elias... shortly after Eevee sunk deeper into her depression, and also suffered from survivors’ guilt and eventually had to stay in a mental hospital and was released a year later, a few days after her 17th birthday. being in the real world was hard for her and in a few weeks time, became legally emancipated from her parents because her father had taken control of monitoring her finances, her decisions, and became too controlling of her schedule and time out of his concern for her and her mother acted like none of it happened and expected Eevee to pick up where she left off and to get more jobs and keep working. It was an environment detrimental to her health and sanity so she had to get out of that and got her own place and moved away from her parents and unfortunately, her twin sister and younger brother.

Took a break from acting to finish high school.

had to have private tutors

excelled at the school aspect of her life.

had very few friends but she did have a girlfriend.

eventually, Eevee broke up with her

to seize her 5 minutes of fame she outted Eevee as a lesbian to TMZ.

It didn’t take long for Eevee to speak out.

At 17, in 2005, Eevee came out publically as Bisexual.

as a Black 17-year-old girl she was proud of herself.

but it did not go well for her in the media or in magazines.

didn’t help what little career she had left.

but she also kinda didn’t care

Became known for outspoken activism for LGBTQ+ youth.

Started her own charity and outreach program to finance and help struggling youth in the LGBTQ+ community by providing them with shelter, food, and treatment for health issues both mental and physical.

went to college...

Northwestern State University.

joined the Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority

double-majored in theater and business

got married to one of her best friends at one point to help him out with his financial situation.

graduated with degrees.

and real friends in and out of her sorority.

WORKED HER ASS OFF TO GET HER CAREER BACK ON TRACK.

it took a lot of hard work.

a lot of mediocre jobs.

a lot of auditions.

a lot of shmoozing & playing the long game.

she pulled every single string

cashed every single favor

ate a lot of shit.

including going to her mother whom she hadn’t spoken to in six years.

EVENTUALLY ROSE BACK TO THE A-LIST WITH A VENGENCE.

Several Independent Films.

Supporting roles in TV shows.

Supporting roles in a few movies.

Starring roles in a number of pilots that never got greenlit.

Starring roles in 2 tv shows.

one was canceled the first season.

the other had THREE SEASONS.

won an Emmy

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

landed a few ad campaigns

Eevee went back to Broadway a few times over the years.

Bring It On: The Musical

played Danielle

won a tony

Best Featured Actress in a Musical.

Newsies: The Musical

played Katherine.

dream come true.

Hadestown

played Eurydice.

nominated for a Tony.

The Lion King

played adult Nala.

life coming full circle.

Currently stars in her own Netflix show.

season 2 just finished filming which is why she has moved to Portland.

PERSONALITY:

very much a complete dork. loves video games, loves comic books, has a lot of memorabilia all through her house, it’s practically a dork museum, always telling puns. always joking. always been an adorable ray of sunshine. she really likes to be a light and enforce positivity for her friends and others.

talks far too much for her own good especially when she’s nervous.

very kind, generous, and loving, always willing to help a friend.

always willing to cook for someone as a way to comfort them. She’s a well-versed home chef and an excellent baker.

she’s in-between the vodka aunt and the mom friend. she’s the first to suggest doing shots and getting fucked up, but she’ll also make sure everyone’s okay and be responsible.

She’s that friend who if you fuck with one of her friends in any way she will go into protective mamma bear mode and straight-up end that person for you. if you need someone to back you up in a fight, literally, and have your back she is your girl.

she isn’t great at flirting or really being around anyone she finds attractive, she turns into a rambling, nonstop talking, pile of adorable.

up until the end of December last year, she was a virgin. She’s only ever slept with one person so she’s not really the sleep around kind of girl but respects those who do, you do you boo, but also please don’t mistake her for a relationship type girl either. she’s neither. she’s great at fooling around and hookups that usually stop before they get to the sex part. she’s actually just very awkward when it comes to intimacy and feelings and getting close to people in that way. It fucks with her anxiety so she just needs someone who can get her out of her head and that is very hard to find for her.

She’s a feminist and believes women should be there to support each other, but also is aware that feminism isn’t always equal and some women don’t include her as a woman to support because she is a woman of color and because she’s Black and will call someone out on their white feminist or anti-black bullshit.

she’s kind but is in no way a pushover. she’s very opinionated and steadfast and isn’t afraid to reason with someone and argue with them and stand up for herself.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS:

Friends: people who can put up with her non-stop chatter and find it endearing.

Fake Friends: people who are using her for fame, recognition and what her name can do for them.

Crushes: could be one-sided, could be both-sided, let’s talk about it.

Boxing Friendship: sparing partners, or someone who sees her at the boxing gym in her workout outfits that include but is not limited to color-coordinated custom gloves, that match both her outfit, her shoes, her gym bag and the giant cheerleading bow on the top of her high ponytail, but has never actually stuck around to see her box so don’t believe she can throw an actual punch because they can’t take that seriously, because she’s just a pretty little celebrity what can she actually do, but then one day end up in an argument with her and challenge her to a sparring match and to their surprise kicks their ass and they become sparring partners. I don’t know, clearly I haven’t given that plot much thought.

Step-family member: Eevee doesn’t have a relationship with her mom, but she is aware the woman got married to another woman who has kids when Eevee was 19 or so. She’s never met any of them. Never spoken to any of them. Never been invited to family functions. Knows full well they exist and they know full well she exists and they have actually hung out with other members of her family, just not her. So that sounds like awkward and traumatic fun for all involved right?? Bring the angst.

Fellow Actors: They could be real friends, could be fake friends, could have worked together, could just know of each other, could be a publicity friendship, dude, I don’t know.

Fans / Haters: like her work or don’t like her work???????????? I don’t know I’m just throwing stuff out there at this point.

I don’t know we’ll figure something out, I AM PUMPED AND EXCITED!!

#pb:intro #pb:ooc #death tw #depression tw #murder tw #stalker tw #kidnapping tw

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rosehvney · 4 years

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☾ . * have you seen OPHELIA OH around campus ? i hear they’re a FIRST YEAR WINTER witch with a specialty in RITUALS / SEANCES. i almost never see them without their ARCTIC FOX. if they ever want to be a SCHOLAR someday they should ease up on being TIMID & FUSSY. at least you can say they’re POISED & DILIGENT, too.

hi hi, it’s diana again, introducing my second character ophelia !!! if you like this post, i’ll come to you for plots asap !! hopefully eventually i’ll make a plots page for her because it’s sm easier to keep track of everything, but anyway enough rambling, u can read about little ophelia under the cut <3

☾ . * 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔 !

full name : ophelia jane oh

nickname(s) : lia

zodiac : capricorn sun, pisces moon ( click )

sexuality : bisexual

alignment : lawful neutral

pinterest : click

☾ . * 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 !

being the youngest came with many privileges, which ophelia learned early on ( she is the younger sister of ivy’s muse rosa btw ). ophelia witnessed her parents scrutinize her older sister and hold her to high standards, but when it came to ophelia, these standards did not apply. she was their baby, and being quite a few years younger than rosa, they had softened over time

ophelia looked up to her sister in many ways, so although her parents did not expect the world of her like they did of rosa, she expected it from herself. she did not want to grow up in her sisters shadow, rather, she wanted them to be seen as equals, so she worked hard to be deserving

she spent her summers with her grandparents. they were the traditional type, and did not baby ophelia the same way her parents did. they instilled in her a work ethic that allowed her to succeed

she took after her grandmother and picked up piano at a young age and, with the help of private lessons, she taught her everything she knows. she dedicated herself to two things only: her studies and piano

she went to private school her entire life, which gave her access to the best resources to become the talented witch she is. however, this also made her spoiled, although she does not realize it

her interest in rituals and seances began during her teen years. she liked that it had a “darker” feel to it than other types of magic. she loves school and learning so much, which is why she wants to be a scholar

☾ . * 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚 !

ophelia is extremely reserved. growing up, she did not put effort into making friends because she was so busy with school and piano, so it’s hard for her to be sociable now

she comes off quite cold and distant ( as many winter witches do ), but once you get to know her you see her softer side and she is actually very friendly, but maybe a little socially awkward because she never had many friends

she is a huge perfectionist. she has high standards for just about everything in her life. bouncing off this, she can be very picky. she also wants everything to be done in a particular way

she is extremelyyy hardworking and driven. she would be the best and worst person to work with for a group project. she’d be the best because she’d put so much�� work into making it perfect, but the worst because she would be very controlling and end up doing everything herself

ophelia does not pay much attention to romantic matters. she has never been in a relationship and feels like they’re a distraction / a waste of time. she secretly loves the attention of someone liking her or being obsessed with her, but she never really returns the sentiment

she is a little spoiled. growing up in a wealthier family, she’s used to the finer things in life and can be quite the snob sometimes. she tries to control it, but sometimes she cannot help what she is

tbh she is kinda lonely. even though she pretends to be okay with not having many friends and brushes it off by saying friends are distracting, she craves friendship on the inside. she spends most of her time alone and this is why she’s extremely clingy to her sister

☾ . * 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 !

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever since ophelia is a more distant person, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they don’t like each other for whatever reason, which we can plot. maybe it’s envy, or their personalities clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. someone who brings out ophelia’s competitive and more nasty side

frenemies - they’re friends, but maybe they’re always trying to one up each other. there’s a competitive element to their friendship, and they might gossip behind each other’s backs

bad influence - someone who is a bad influence on her. pleaaase i need this for her. ophelia is literally all work and no play, i need someone who will take her out of her comfort zone, take her to parties, expose her to college life

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on. maybe she gets your muse to focus on their studies more or just keeps them out of trouble in general

unlikely friends - they are from different houses maybe and have extremely different personalities, but for some reason they get along. they can expose each other to new things

best friends - someone close in age that ophelia has come to consider her best friend. she doesn’t have many friends, so this is a huge deal and she must feel extremely comfortable around them

mentor - an older winter witch she looks up to as a mentor. someone who can take her under their wing and help her navigate uni

study buddies - can be from the same or different houses, but they always study together. mutually beneficial relationship where they help each other study and motivate each other to do their best

coworker - ophelia works as a library helper, so if your muse works in the library too, this is how they could have become acquainted. they can like each other, dislike each other, or maybe feel neutral towards one another

meet me in the library - someone who comes to the library a lot and maybe keeps her company while she’s working. maybe they keep coming so often partially to see ophelia, and they’re someone ophelia looks forward to seeing. we can plot it however

school girl crush - someone ophelia has a crush on, but there’s not really much of a chance of it actually going anywhere. she has a surface level infatuation with them, maybe they’re a little older or unattainable in some other way

unrequited crush - someone ophelia has a crush on, or maybe they have a crush on her. ophelia does not get crushes often, but your muse managed to bewitch the ice princess. or maybe your muse has a crush on her, and she is not aware or is thinks it’s a distraction so she tries not to pay it any attention

requited crush - they have crushes on each other, but maybe they’re too afraid to do anything about it. we can plot however, but something cute and soft

u have now reached the end of my intro, ty for tuning in <3 i would absolutely luv to get plotting, so like this post and i’ll come to u, or u can message me !!! also, i’m going to plug my discord again bc i do prefer it, but im’s are fine too !! it’s i miss fromis9 </3#5522

#aa:intro #♡ . * 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒏𝒂 ╱ ooc.#this took me so long for nothing akjsdkshd #im a disaster !!!!#but anyway pls plot w me

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fatedfuturist · 4 years

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things about my interpretation of tony stark. updated june 07, 2020.

here’s my exhaustive explanation for how i am not canon-compliant with the events and characterization of the mcu.

the reason for this is… well, there are several reasons, but i don’t want to stir shit up or just, in general, stomp on anyone else’s love for the mcu. and don’t get me wrong— i do love the mcu! but there are parts i’m critical of for personal reason, as we all have opinions on certain things. bc, yeah, you can love something, or someone, and still be logically critical about it or them.

anyway, here’s where my interpretation differs…

as per stated on my rules: i take inspiration for tony from multiple sources, including the mcu, marvel comics, the television show: avengers assemble, and my own personal headcanons. TONY IS ALSO ASIAN (SPECIFICALLY CHINESE) AMERICAN!!

i will admit that saying this isn’t particularly helpful if people don’t know, specifically, where i differ in terms of my interpretation of our dumbass genius. some of this info is scattered about on my blog, but here, it’s all consolidated into one post.

chen kun is my face claim, and i do use stuff from tony’s story from the mcu as a base. however, there are events and moments from the movies, that i selectively ignore due to personal preference; and then i build on top of my foundation with ideas, themes, and/or events from other sources such as the aforementioned sources listed above.

throwing this all under a read more because, like i said: exhaustive list. very. very. very fucking long. i’m serious– read at your own risk.

howard stark was an extremely abusive and absent father for all of tony’s childhood; tony did actively seek attention and approval from howard because he was rather aware of how famous he was and wanted the acceptance and validation from his dad; there wasn’t much shown in the mcu regarding his relationship with his father, but my inspiration for his father-son relationship comes from the comics;

an example of his verbal abuse: “you don’t want to be a sissy, now do you? stark men are made of iron!” (Iron Man, 1968);

an example of early exposure to alcohol: at age five, howard forced a drink into tony’s hand (which he did drink), stating that it would teach him “to be a man,” and that it’d “put hair on your chest” (Iron Man, 1968);

yes, this means that tony ‘forgiving’ howard in endgame is completely chucked out the window;

tony loses his parents the night of december 16, 1996 (not 12/16/1991), at the age of seventeen;

jarvis, the family butler, was more of a father to tony than howard ever was, and yes, this is why he names his first fully-functioning AI system jarvis;

tony was close with his mother, maria; she was his safehouse, and she taught him to be gentle and loving, and she also taught him the piano, which tony still periodically practices during his own time in private. in an avengers assemble episode, there is a piano in the tower that tony protects twice, which i reckon is because it has connections to his past with maria;

tony ain’t an old grandpa. i don’t see him being older than, like, 35–40 in the present time for my writing (chen kun is 44). this comes from comic and avengers assemble inspiration, which has been fairly ambiguous since they never mention his age. for plotting purposes in the mcu though, yes, he can be like 42–52 if needed.

tony is, by default, single unless otherwise stated. the reason for this is simply because i’m not big on tony / pepper in the mcu, and it’s not because i don’t like pepper (i love her as a character as an individual), but i just saw that the way they were written (so, this, yes, blames the mcu writers) was completely trash; they sort of redeemed it in endgame, but... in general, they had a lot of potential but then some writing choices pretty much ruined the ship for me;

this means that morgan does not exist unless otherwise specified and discussed, though i do enjoy the concert of tony being a dad to his own kid and breaking that cycle of howard’s shitty parenting;

i’m going to be as honest and transparent as i can: i do, for certain, love writing stevetony. they’re my primary ship. not simply in mcu dynamics, but from the comics and avengers assemble. however, like some can attest to, i will never force a ship on anyone. if you express no interest in them romantically? that’s fine. we can write them simply as good friends and comrades. i won’t stop writing or plotting with you if you don’t like them in a romantic dynamic. if you do like it that way? cool. i know it might be intimidating to discuss this given i look like complete trash for them, but i never choose who i will/will not write with based on whether we ship or not;

tony, publicly, hints toward being bisexual and biromantic a lot of the time as he’ll practically flirt with anyone at all times, but he never really openly admits it due to his oh-so ancient internalized homophobia (thank you for that one, howard and societal expectations of the time);

justin hammer is a long time rival in the industry, and often meddles with tony and his work all the time. it’s nothing new. the lack of foundation established in IM2 doesn’t provide much insight into their relationship. long story short (taken from avengers assemble): hammer is a punk bitch who’s jealous and tony is tired of him and will gladly beat his ass any day of the week whenever he drives a tank into his front door (which happens more often than not).

tony is fantastic with children. he loves getting to interact with children because he knows how excited they are to see him and/or iron man (seen in both the mcu and in the comics). this type of attention he’s okay about. if he can inspire children to do good things and be good people and be heroes in their own right, then he’s doing his job;

tony fosters the intelligence and dreams of bright individuals all the time by offering scholarships for high school graduates and post-secondary students, and also provides internship opportunities (equal opportunities regardless of race, sex, gender, religion, disability status, age, etc.)

we only see this occur with peter and harley in the mcu, but there are other kids— like riri williams! tony sees these kids for the bright minds that they have and he wants to help them and keep them safe as he knows these are the brains of the future.

let me run over iron man 3. like i said, i ignore some shit from the movies. tony doesn’t initiate the clean slate protocol, he doesn’t throw the arc reactor into the ocean, and he doesn’t remove the arc reactor from his chest. he will get surgery to get the shrapnel removed because if i were the follow the pain that comes with the comics, tony would literally be always on the verge of death at all times, requiring a chest plate to be recharged constantly to make sure the shrapnel doesn’t get closer– see? that’s a lot and i’m... lazy.

the reason for those choices are simple: clean slate protocol undoes his character progression;

the arc reactor is just a part of him as a person, stands as his heart;

avengers movie nights, (video/board) game nights, and training days exist and you will never be able to pry that out of my hands. tony always shows up fashionably late with coffee and pays for when shit gets broken by thor. team building exercises exist plenty within avengers assemble, including the fact that they share chores and decides who gets to do the next load of laundry from whoever chooses the short stick from the bunch.

tony has had anxiety and depression since he was a child. it just didn’t really flare up and get identified as a real, tangible mess of emotions and thoughts until he’d been kidnapped (and nearly died, at that). it got worse when he failed to address it until after IM3. into the present-day, tony deals with anxiety, depression, and PTSD all the time, but has improved (…sort of) when it comes to handling all of it, and certainly has grown to recognize similar symptoms in the people he cares about;

on another hand, tony has displayed symptoms of ADHD, but it’s not officially diagnosed, and some of these symptoms include, but are not limited to: hyperactivity (staying awake for days on end) and hyperfocus (hyper-focus on work), distractible (easily distracted when he’s not focused on something), rambling (talks a lot and often makes rather intuitive connections due to how busy his brain functions), impulsivity and recklessness (self explanatory), constant need to move around and/or do something (in meetings, he will be moving somehow, whether it’s tapping fingers or feet, or shifting around in his seat);

there are days where he feels inferior due to how human he knows he is (in comparison to most of his team), and other days, he feels as though he’s more machine than he is man. these feelings fluctuate depending on how he’s doing with his mental health, and/or if he hears and/or sees anything about him that points toward either idea;

there is always overwhelming guilt for those he can’t keep safe or people that die; tony doesn’t like to kill anybody (unless it’s robots, because… they’re robots, not human lives); though, if pushed far enough with no other choice, he will throw conventional morality out the window for the sake of protecting all that he believes to be for the good of the world;

tony isn’t jacked. he isn’t captain america fit, but he isn’t particularly thin, either. his body is sort of like a runner’s build (for visuals, refer to valerio schiti’s comic art of tony). i interpret tony’s body as a slight bit slimmer. he exercises, and being in the suit also is its own form of exercise. god forbid we discuss his eating habits, though. and–– he also isn’t short short, but he isn’t tall, either. he sits at 5’10”, which might be a little below the average male, but that’s about it.

speaking of eating habits, simply put: tony can’t cook for shit and that’s it. he’ll try to cook for his significant others’ on the occasion, but he can’t be blamed if he burns everything.

tony isn’t ‘woke’ or perfect, as it’s imperative to remember he grew up as rich and with financial and some social class privilege (since he was rich), despite the abuse and harassment he experienced during his youth. it’s taken him time to recognize this, and he realizes it really doesn’t cost anything to be a better person, which is why he tries to be better when it comes to his tone of voice when discussing certain topics he has no authority to be speaking of, and by taking action with simple manual labour when it comes to chores (so he doesn’t hire other people to do shit for him). he also knows he can’t be a man of ‘all bark and no bite’ when it comes to supporting people and causes, hence why he actively advocates for female and youth empowerment through both words and actions.

in regards to ca:cw events, i would prefer to ignore them. for specific-plotting purposes, this can be dropped, but i prefer the events of avengers assemble when it comes to ‘civil war’. it’s actually really simple:

tony was not honest about his intentions with the team regarding a robot that was initially made for him by howard, which ended up with an ultron reboot that nearly risked loads of civilian lives and the team’s lives;

steve confronted tony about it when they returned back to avengers tower. with tony’s insistence that everything was now fine, steve decided to resign due to tony’s dishonesty and lack of trust in the team;

this splits the team in half, where steve takes— well, they decided to leave since they didn't like tony's lack of honesty— natasha, the hulk, and the falcon to work under SHIELD as the ‘secret avengers,’ and tony, clint, and thor remain as leftover avengers (later with the addition of ant-man and temporarily, spider-man, in some missions);

in the end, they all join back together after learning to appreciate their differences and reconciling under the fact that there wouldn’t be any more secrets that could risk the world, and the team’s safety;

if i am to follow the events of the mcu— between ca:cw and infinity war, he develops nanotech for his armour, which is embedded into his very skin to accommodate for nanobots, which interacts via neural transmissions (visuals here);

tony recognizes that he lost his temper and let his emotions get to him in the moment, which fucked up shit that could’ve been talked through and fixed;

tony is an alcoholic. he recognizes that he always will be, though he’s always working toward sobriety. he certainly relapses every so often when things are rough and he feels as if he has no other options, but he’s aware that relapsing is part of the process of recovery. he has attended AA meetings (alcoholics anonymous), and has been AA sponsors for people in the past;

to skim through the events of infinity war and endgame should these be part of the things you’re curious about (this is getting really long and i’m sure you’re tired of reading this—how have you gotten this far?):

after returning from space, tony took a few months (~ five) to recover from those three months of malnutrition, dehydration, and the wound of thanos’ stab. tony sealed the front of his injury, but he sure as hell wasn’t seen dealing with the back end. during this time, he’s able to regain some muscle mass;

he lives on his own, retreating to the cabin to escape from the responsibilities of being a fallen hero who ultimately failed the people he was supposed to protect.

during the five year gap, he keeps in contact with the other avengers, but very rarely. they’re the only ones who know where he lives;

like i said— tony does not say any of that forgiving bullcrap to howard. victims of abuse don’t have to forgive their abuser, parent or not. let’s just imagine the entire interaction didn’t happen at all;

tony doesn’t die;

he used the infinity stones; but, to maintain consistency with what the mcu established w/ thanos: he sustained significant damage to his right arm, up to the shoulder and neck. it’s gravely scarred. the overall function of that arm also diminished greatly. vision out of his right eye is not as sharp as it once was, either;

a year of recovery and physiotherapy later, tony decides to amputate and go for a prosthetic. he works with shuri and wakandan tech to build an arm;

despite the end of the looming, world-ending thread, tony still battles resurfacing trauma. not every day is happy, but he is working toward recovery. there are days he doesn’t remember chunks of what happened due to the power of the infinity stones; sometimes, he doesn’t even want to remember it, anyway;

tony retires. sort of. for the most part. if the world really needs iron man, he’ll be there;

tony may have handed CEO-ship to pepper, but he still handles a lot of work for stark industries, and that’s what he primarily does post-endgame.

the multiverse and realm-traveling happens a-fucking-lot

#✧ i just want to feel like i’m still living. ≻ headcanon.#well fuck this took over an hour #and now i need to go to bed lmAOOOO #the formatting seems a bit whack bc i just copied and pasted it from my notes #but oh well #MFDSJHFDJSDFS #fuck this got long #long post //#tw: long post

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