#i must be fucked up bc goddamn this is not triggering to me

[seaofgoldensand]

don't chase the rabbit. - a little tidbit of my past oc i found on an old blog, sobbing. feel free to read, i'm just sort of archiving it here. <3 tw: blood, murderer, mentions of sa, mention of drugs, alcohol, etc. just please read especially if you're easily triggered. take care of your mental health, this was/is still an outlet for me. also i tried to tag accordingly, back then when writing, tw tags weren't common? i really didn't tag them because the people i followed/interacted with were fine with the same writing (and it was all through words, i never posted anything graphic) but if i missed a tag that should be in the tags or you guys have any suggestions how to properly tag triggers, please let me know!

blood, blood, and more blood.

calloused digits are tainted with the remnants of blood from the one person he truly hated. he's smiling because he's finally gone and away from his life.

"monster! you monster!" his mother sobs, pushing her son away. "…he loved me."

monster.

the word resonates in his head as his eyes glow red. maybe he is a monster. maybe he wasn't. he doesn't know and little by little he slowly begins not to care. he's laughing, rather maniacally and points to the dead body slashed by the edges of the broken beer bottle and even raises his voice at his own mother.

"you think that bloody bastard was a goddamn lover to you?!" he asks incredulously, eyes boring holes into his mother. "he didn't love you worth shit!" and he eases forward, even when she eases back, her eyes speak of something. fear. it doesn't stop him from striding forward. he grabs onto her arm and tugs the sleeves up. "you think i never saw this bullshit? these bruises? they're not love."

a slap to his face causes him to still, quiet as a mouse and if tears were to spill from his eyes. they don't, because he's learned to hold such emotions back. they sting, though. but they will never fall.

"you monster, he loved me. everything he did was for me! monster…monster…monster! get the hell away from me!"

he drops the broken beer bottle and tugs his hoodie up and as he hears sirens from a distance, he grabs his backpack (the one he always had prepared in times like this or any time to escape from the presence of the dead bastard) and hops out of the window, onto the fire escape and descends down, letting the darkness of the alley conceal him from anyone's eyes.

monster.

monster.

monster.

the word resonates in his head. his mother's voice pinning itself into his mind, but he shakes his head and doesn't let up on the pace of his feet, hopping over fences and landing down on his feet and the shock is brief before he's picking up into a run. he knows of a place he can hide out. somewhere no one will find him.

it hasn't quite hit him that not only was his step father gone from the world (by his doing) but he murdered him. he's a criminal. a murderer…a monster. he shuts his eyes tight and shakes his head as if the images playing in his head would fall off. of course they don't. he's stuck with the look of his mother's face and the look of his step father's face. there's something in his eyes that he didn't quite register and even until now. he still doesn't it.

for all he could honestly feel towards the older man was the ill he had injected in his mother. the brainwashing, the abuse and how it all gets taken out on him. he tries to forget in between those the things having been done to him those nights he was left vulnerable in his room with an apartment full of bloody drunk bastards looking for some young meat, fulfilling their hidden desires for the same sex.

what a mess he was.

what a mess he is.

finally once the voices quieted down in his head, he sleeps soundly. like a baby.

the morning he wakes up sweaty and panting, eyes shot open as he shoots up. dizziness overcomes him and he has to hold himself still to prevent himself from losing balance, albeit he's flat on his ass merely sitting up. he scrambles for his phone, digits searching through his phonebook, several miss calls from his mother that he won't get back to. he knows how it all goes.

his mother calls, he comes home. the only difference is, if he does, he'll be cuffed and sent to the police station. trialed as an adult (he wasn't sure, he was thirteen for god's sake) —a lifetime in prison? he'd rather have death.

#READ MORE BC JESUS LORD #tw: sa mention #tw: death #tw: murder #tw: alcohol #writing #drabble #i must be fucked up bc goddamn this is not triggering to me #tw: drugs #im a little messed in the head i know #but maybe bc i see it as fiction #it was so clear in my head tho but i had a very strong connection to this muse #cathy writing stash #i... really miss this writer in me #i hope to get her back honestly

[vintagemulti]

shards and splinters

parings: marc spector x reader , steven grant x reader

desc: apparently what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. now you’ve died and returned alive, perhaps it’s time to test that theory; or risk losing your life once and for all.

warnings: blood, angst, swearing, fighting, guns and gun violence, death descriptions, long as fuck, sex mentions i guess(? if you squint), hurt/comfort, gory i guess (jake🤷🏻‍♀️) writers note: idk how accurate these are bc i’ve been writing this on and off for years but cover all bases i guess xx

a/n: psa to pls reblog anyway she’s BAAAAAACKKK did you miss me ?? i missed youse … if there’s even a moonknight fandom anymore 🫣 i’m so sorry for the 2 years gone from the face of tumblr, i’ve quite honestly had two years from hell and insane writers block so. can anyone even remember this series?? idk maybe you should all reread the first parts 👀👀 anyways. there’ll be one more part to this (will it come this year? next? 2026? who knows…) bc i HATED my original ending and just had to change it. also sorry if this feels rushed or like it jumps around a lot, it’s been written over YEARS, but i’ve tried my best for continuity. also, i know there’s a lot missing in like fight scenes but they are BORING and i hate writing em so i’m not doing it. tried, got half way thru then didn’t touch this for 7 months so.. it’s no fight scene or no part at all. but my last part is pretty much done so hopefully it’ll be posted soon! ill let youse savour this for a while tho lol. on a real note thank you all SO much for all the love, even two years later. it means the world. all my love, all the time x

series masterlist

masterlist

the air felt different now. it was funny; you and marc had been apart hundreds, if not thousands of times, but he had never felt your absence. not like this. no, never like this. it was different now because he knew he could look for you everywhere and you would still be in that room, not breathing, not living.

he could see it all so clearly now. all of what? all of it. everything; life, your life, his life, where everything went wrong, what he should have done, should have said, how he could have saved you.

there was nothing you could have done, marc.

“that’s easy for you to say.” he mumbled, looking down at his hands. “you’re not the one who was halfway through a fucking argument when harrow took her. and if you can remember, harrow took her because of me.”

steven sighed, and went quiet.

“i should’ve died on that fucking alter.”

marc said it over and over, like a prayer, to go back in time and pull the trigger. he was fuck knows where, it looked like the middle of the desert but marc didn’t care enough to question it.

he had walked out of that pyramid and kept on walking - for hours. the hot egyptian sun had began to set, casting a rosy hue on everything. the humidity make marc’s head ache.

steven had gone silent - a small hum of anger in the back of marc’s head. it usually would have surprised marc, for steven to be the angry one. but he wasn’t sure he would never feel surprised again.

are you going to wallow here forever?

marc looked up, low sun glinting in his eyes, making him squint. but he could tell exactly who it was - crescent staff in his peripheral.

“fuck off.”

khonshu laughed. that’s one way to talk to a god.

“fuck off.” he repeated.

and why should i, mortal? why should i listen to you?

“you did this.” it was stiff, cold, a definite statement. “you did this to us.”

khonshu groaned, moving to block the sun from marc’s eyes so he could see him properly. aren’t you going to question how i am here?

“no.”

perhaps you should.

marc could never cope with khonshu’s riddles. they had always infuriated him - never getting a straight answer. but this one, he could tolerate.

“fuck does that mean?” he was looking directly into khonshu’s eyes now - something he had readily avoided for years. “and don’t give me any of your goddamn riddles.”

if you must be so blunt, it would seem like osiris has taken a liking to your poor lady wife. hathor isn’t half fond of her, either. maybe you ought to go back to the pyramid, something tells me your needed.

and he was gone. disappeared with a gust of wind, leaving marc alone in the saharan sunset, shaking and still covered in his wife’s blood.

she’s alive?

“i-” marc looked around. “i don’t-”

his eyes slipped into the back of his head.

steven took a deep breath, swallowing hard. he set off in a run - towards the pyramid.

-

“this feels so fucking weird.”

you were pressed flat against the wall, peeking around every few seconds to make sure one of harrow’s followers wasn’t coming your way.

i must admit, it’s been a while since i’ve had an avatar.

you let out a breathy laugh. was that your first ever laugh since being revived? you supposed it must be. oh, you wished it was one of steven’s jokes you were laughing at instead.

you didn’t think you’d ever find one of his jokes unfunny again.

“where is he?”

it’s hard to tell. i can’t check, unless i’d like ammit to spot me.

humming, you looked around the corner once again, breath hitching when you saw a shadow come closer.

what made your breath stop completely, however, was the slow, melodic tapping of a cane, following every footstep the person took.

harrow was less than two feet away from you.

swallowing hard, you pushed yourself against the wall even harder, back cold against the concrete. you hoped - prayed with your newfound faith in osiris and his mercy - that harrow would turn back the other way, not hearing your thumping heart.

but your luck had ran out for this lifetime.

the tapping of the cane became louder, until you could see the tip of it in your peripheral, crunching glass finally becoming audible. he was about to come around the corner, and see you. you would be impossible to miss, even the bright red of your new outfit making you stand out.

it seemed like it was impossible to escape harrow, and the tapping of his cane. he had killed you once, what would stop him from doing it again?

apparently, a guardian angel. someone spoke, making harrow turn to look behind him.

this was your chance - to slip away and turn the opposite corner, escape harrow in your new life as you couldn’t in your last.

his voice made you flinch. cool, charming, low. like a snake - exactly like a snake, now you thought about it. the way he slid through life, from the bar all those years ago, to now, awakening a centuries old god, aiming to destroy the world.

you could slither away too, though.

still holding your breath, you sidestepped along the wall, making sure to watch your step over any lose stones, until the wall fell away behind you and led you into another corridor.

as soon as the light from the hall had faded, you let out your breath, hands coming to your forehead and rubbing your eyes.

we have to keep moving. ammit is almost ready to begin.

nodding - although it felt like your brain was rattling around your skull - you looked back up and saw hathor, still looking as beautiful as ever.

this hallway was much dimmer than the last. colder, too. it was like all the light had been blocked, the only thing keeping your vision was the small, fading candles lining the walls every meter or so.

perhaps it was your natural instinct, or a new given sense as an avatar, but you could tell - something wasn’t right. something in the air had shifted, on top of the hot, sticky, egyptian heat, there was something sinister.

your years as a mercenary had taught you to recognise something - blood in the air. and there was certainly blood in the air around you.

“what is harrow’s plan?”

he wants to judge people. through ammit, he believes he can rid the world of everyone bad, even if they aren’t already bad.

“so he’s playing god?” the corridor seemed to go on forever.

he would never admit it, but yes. and ammit is the perfect enabler for him, she’ll know exactly what he’s up to, but because he can give her her power back, she’ll play along.

you scoffed lightly. “harrow isn’t stupid either. he’ll know what she thinks.”

hathor shrugged, a few paces in front of you. only time will tell, my dear.

for a few minutes, the walk along the corridor was silent. the tap of your shoes echoed down the hall, breeze from your passing flickering the candles on the wall.

why did you marry him?

it stopped you in your tracks, hathor stopping too.

“what?”

marc. why did you marry him?

you stuttered for a moment, looking around as if someone would come and help you.

i don’t mean it in a rude way. i’m the goddess of love, it’s natural for me to want to know.

“well,” you paused for a moment and began walking again, slower this time. “we were young when we met, i was coming up for 18 and he was 19.”

and?

“and i knew what i had done to him.” you swallowed. “i felt fucking awful, i thought, maybe if i get to know the guy, and he’s not as much of an ass as everyone makes him out to be, it’ll make it easier for me to forgive myself.”

the corridor kept on, as if it were never ending.

“as you can tell, it didn’t work.”

he wasn’t as much of an asshole as everyone thought?

“no, he was,” you gave a dry smile. “it just so happened that assholes are my type, and i think he worked it out pretty quickly. so after only about two months of knowing each other, he asked me on a date. a real date. it was my first ever date too, god knows anton never took me out. but god, he was such a gentleman.

he picked me up, gave me flowers, wore a fucking tie. and he payed for everything, too. dinner at a four star restaurant, a movie, then out to a bar for drinks.

i knew i had fucked up when he kissed me that night.”

you regret it?

“not for a day. and that’s my mistake- i mean, i was supposed to hate him. i told myself i would hate him. so i wouldn’t feel bad about telling someone to kill him. i didn’t even know how he got out alive- he didn’t tell me about the khonshu shit until after we got married.

oh, our wedding,” you smiled again, a real one. “it was perfect. i was twenty one, marc was twenty three. we were so young. it was a small wedding, just some friends, neither of us invited our family. it was the best night of my life.

it was the night i met steven, too. i think the stress of the day must have triggered it. and that was it- there was marc, and there was steven.”

didn’t it take a while to get used to?

the corridor began to open up, getting slightly wider by the meter. still - there was no end to it in sight.

“it did and it didn’t. i knew for a while there was something happening to him, he would disappear, look confused all the time. i knew it was a matter of time until something changed. and then came steven, perfect steven.

he changed so much- it was like dating all over again. he was even more perfect than marc, stupid english accent included. but, naturally, abuthing that’s perfect must come to an end.”

hathor sighed. and it gave you the impression, just for a moment, that she already knew the whole story. that she was humouring you by letting you tell it. her sigh, sad and resigned, almost confirmed that she knew what was coming.

“the-” you stopped. your voice had broken, and your feet no longer moved. hathor continued for a few paces before looking back at you.

i understand, but if there’s any time you need to tell this, it’s now.

“you know?” you voiced your suspicions.

take into account which god i am, my dear. there is no one else i could chose, but you.

you swallowed. “what’s the point of talking about it if you already know?”

you have been born again. revived. would you like to carry this, this horrible vendetta against someone who has done nothing but love you, for the rest of your new life?

“no.”

then voice it. i can take this pain from you, if you only ask me too. i can help you.

you bit your tongue, looking down at your feet and kicking around a few of the loose rocks. hathor waited.

“the baby was supposed to be born just after my twenty-third birthday.”

a beat. hathor didn’t reply.

“but he didn’t live past twelve weeks.”

you looked back up at hathor, anxious for a reply. she didn’t give you one, only nodding.

“i don’t- i don’t know what i did. i was waiting until i could get a scan, tell marc, have it done properly, you know? but when i went to my appointment, i knew. she didn’t say anything, she just looked. then she left, got the doctor to come in.

he said that the baby had died, that they weren’t sure of the cause, but it was a boy. that my baby boy had died.”

tears threatened your eyes. never - never - had you spoken about this before. not even with marc.

“i went home, with a hatred in my heart. the next few days were the worst. i was grieving a child no one knew i even had. the blood was horrible, it hurt so badly. i told marc i was on my period. fuck, for all he knew i was.

and then my baby was gone. and i hated marc.”

why did you hate him?

you shrugged. “i have no idea. i needed someone to blame and marc was the easiest. that’s when it all went downhill, you know? i wanted him to be there for me, for something he didn’t even know happened. and when he wasn’t, i blew up at him. and he blew up at me.

and that was it, for three years. this horrible hatred towards each other, me hating marc for something he knew nothing about, and marc hating me for every other reason.

he hated me the most for making him stay a mercenary. he wanted out, he wanted a normal life in the suburbs with a dog and a big house and maybe, one day, a child.

but i can’t have that. i don’t want that kind of normal - not when i was so close to it and lost it. so i pushed him into this world. i made him take jobs and work himself to death, even when i found out about khonshu. i made him do it.

and that’s why we’re here. because i told him to follow khonshu here. and now look what i’ve done.”

hathor took two, wide steps towards you, and cradled your face in her hands.

you have done nothing that makes you inhumane. none of this mess is you fault. khonshu would have gotten marc here one way or another. anyone in your shoes would be the same.

her hands were warm. you felt a tear fall, running underneath her fingers. “but i’ve been so horrible. i’m a monster - if not for this, for everything else.”

hathor shook her head. you are a human being.

there was silence as you cried and hathor wiped your tears. at least two minutes passed - but it didn’t matter to you. harrow could come running around the corner and you wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

hathor took a deep breath, looking to her left along the corridor. she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, another figure appeared.

is now a bad time, human?

you flinched at the rough edge in khonshu’s voice. “what do you want?”

what do i want? there’s a long list.

even through your tears, your patience thinned. “seriously?”

hathor took her hands from your face, turning to look at khonshu. enough of your riddles. just tell her.

the unmistakable sound of footsteps, running, drew your attention. they were getting closer.

i don’t think i have to say a word, actually.

just as khonshu had finished, a figure appeared, coming around the twists and turns of the corridor.

your heart stopped.

marc looked around in a daze, eyes falling first on khonshu, then on hathor, then…

“y/n!”

just as he had stopped running, he started again, coming towards you like a lion out of his cage, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off of your feet.

“oh baby,” he mumbled into your neck.

you had just reached - wrapping your arms around him in equal tightness, hands flying into his hair. oh, god. his hair - his curls, his skin - you’d never take it for granted again.

he pulled back, hands on your cheeks in a mirror image to hathor. his eyes locked into yours, brown irises melting into his pupils, filling with tears.

marc stuttered, trying to get several sentences out at once, before you hushed him.

“please, marc, we don’t have much time. harrow is gonna-”

“i know,” he nodded, eyes still not breaking from yours. “i know- baby, i know. please- please, just give me a minute. i never- i thought i’d never- oh, baby.”

he leaned in, moving his hands out of the way to rest his forehead against yours. he was hot - sticky with sweat and dirt and, although you didnt want to think about it, your blood.

“i know,” you whispered, closing your eyes. “marc, i know.”

barely having finished your sentence, he leaned in and kissed you.

it was like the first kiss all over again, and you supposed it was. hot, needy, passionate, desperate. you could live in this moment.

but the unmistakable sound of khonshu clearing his throat broke your kiss.

if you wouldn’t mind, harrow is about to release ammit. i’m sure your couples catch-up can wait another hour.

“yeah,” you nodded, breaking away, but marc was far more hesitant to let go.

“i can’t-” he looked around, paranoid. “i can’t do this, y/n. i just lost you, i can’t run the risk of losing you again, i’ve never- y/n, i can’t let you go, you’re everything to me, and if harrow- oh god, what did harrow do to you? i swear to god, the minute i see him, i’m gonna-”

he blinked. a beat.

“paranoid git never did know when to be quiet, did he?”

“oh, steven,” you threw your arms around him again. “fucking hell.”

steven, unlike marc, seemed far more willing to let you go. “love, i know, but if we don’t go now, we’re all gonna end up dead. please, we can do this all after, yeah?”

he took your hands in his, stilling your shaking fingers. he was so warm - always so warm.

“okay,” you nodded, looking between him and the gods beside you. “okay.”

-

you had severely underestimated how far harrow was willing to go. it had been what felt like hours, an unrelenting fight. you weren’t even sure when layla showed up, hoping to help you in any way she could.

but her attempts were futile; ammit was huge. really - huge, bigger than the pyramid behind her. khonshu had, as usual, gotten involved too, so that meant he was the same size, almost trampling you with every step he took.

you had tried. really, you had. you’d tried to use your new found avatar abilities to at least land something on harrow, but truth be told, you were failing. he’d hit you far more times that you’d even aimed for him, you were covered in cuts and rapidly forming bruises, you were sure your shoulder was dislocated.

but worst of all? your head wasn’t right. you weren’t sure what was wrong with it - it seemed fine every time you focused on identifying the issue, but every time you weren’t paying attention, it was there again. dizzy, a ringing in your eyes, everything a second or two behind; your vision lagging and cloudy. but just as you’d notice it, it was gone.

it was getting worse, too. you could see marc out of the corner of your eye; he was one to one with harrow. it would have made you anxious if you could properly focus on what was going on. but you couldn’t - your thought were scattered, a ringing back tenfold in your ears, the world had gone distant and hazy.

the doctors told you it was a concussion the next morning. layla had actually came in very handy, able to translate the man’s arabic into english for you.

he had told you that you’d sustained a massive head injury - you figured it would have been investigated, if you hadn’t been one of the people there last night.

‘there’ was all people could talk about. first the sky had gone backwards (you’d missed that part, thanks to being dead), then, out of nowhere, two ancient egyptian gods had appeared, destroying all the buildings in their wake, pyramids too.

it wasn’t that you couldn’t remember it. you could - it was clear in every aspect. it just didn’t feel like you’d been there at all. even the build up to it, every moment from when you’d stepped out of that pyramid, hand in hand with steven, hot air hitting your face;

it wasn’t you.

well, obviously it was you. but it wasn’t the same you. everything felt different, you didn’t have the same emotions you did before. the same key ones, yes, like how you felt about marc, and steven, and who you are as a person, but basic thing, like fear, and compassion? it was gone.

you’d have voiced this to a doctor if you could put ‘i died and got brought back to like by an ancient god, but not the same one who destroyed half of your city last night, sorry about that, by the way’ into layman’s terms.

trauma induced dissociation was enough of a label for you. it fit - everything just felt a little hazy, was all. not that you’d asked your doctor, a google search (excluding the resurrection part) had taken you to pages and pages about dissociation and how it’s normal to feel it after a traumatic event. you were pretty sure dying was a traumatic event.

and yes, you could bring it up to your doctor, he was payed to help you, after all. but there was a strange gnawing in the back of your head: that if you voiced this feeling, it would only get worse, and the happy ending you and your husband currently had would be shred in two because you couldn’t feel properly.

so instead, you listened to his professional diagnosis; a severe concussion, fractured rib, dislocated shoulder, several cosmetic wounds, and mental trauma that would be discovered at a later point, if you ever got around to voicing it to a doctor.

what a lovely shopping list, you thought.

-

it was three days before they let you out, and marc wasn’t getting out for another two after that. you’d had to beg him to even go to the hospital in the first place, but now he was getting the medical attention he’d needed for years, he seemed content in his hospital bed. not that he’d ever admit it.

with two days to yourself (not nights, you’d go back to the hospital and stay with marc), you decided to have the egyptian holiday you had come for.

the first stop was obvious; buy clothes. all of the ones you had were either covered in blood or halfway shredded. once you’d achieved this, in a new white linen sundress (cut below the knees to hide the still raw scars), you felt just slightly lost.

of course, you weren’t lost, you were always quick to get your bearings in new places - mercenary years had left you with a few skills, after all - and you kept yourself in a fairly small area, close to the hospital in case you got an emergency call.

no - the feeling of being lost came from deep down. ever since you’d come back to life it was the same, a strange longing for something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. something you felt you just had to have, maybe not right now, but in the near future. the hazy feeling had already begun to pass, you were sure google had served you well. but it left behind this in its wake, a new, even stranger feeling.

a breeze blew your hair lightly as you looked down the street in front of you. it was picturesque, all kinds of small shops and cafes as far as you could see. you could hear kids playing somewhere, a baby crying in the distance.

the lost-longing feeling piqued at this.

“oh.” you breathed. “oh.”

beside you, hathor, dressed in a golden, floor length dress and looking beautiful as ever, laughed.

oh, indeed. did you forget which god i am?

#the glass series #moonknight #marc spector x reader #steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader #moonknight fanfic #moonknight imagines #moonknight x reader #moonknight fanfiction #marc spector imagines #marc spector imagine #marc spector fluff #marc spector fanfiction #steven grant fanfic #steven grant imagine #steven grant imagines #steven grant fluff #steven grant #jake lockley fanfiction #marc spector #jake lockley imagine #jake lockley imagines #jake lockley #jake lockely x reader #jake lockely imagine #marvel imagine #marvel imagines #marvel fanfiction #marvel x reader

[my-exmo-life]

|| TW for Mormonism, internalised fatphobia, discussions of fatphobia and diets, negative self talk ||

Pls excuse me I’m mildly tipsy (but not tipsy enough that I can’t add a TW bc we respect people here on this blog)

You know what we don’t talk about enough? The idealisation of thinness in the Mormon church.

All the aesthetics and ideals are of these size 0 blonde white women and, shockingly, that’s harmful.

I discovered this week that wearing a skirt is triggering for me bc it makes me look a little bigger and makes my belly relax from the default “must suck in”.

IM NOT EVEN OVERWEIGHT.

I’m a little “bigger” than I “should be” according to society but dear fucking god who cares?? Call the goddamn police, I guess it’s a crime to love food.

I bought a beautiful skirt. It’s got kinda witchy vibes. These cool suns and moons and it’s so breathable and comfy. I wore it work. AND GUESS FUCKING WHAT. I was uncomfortable all day.

I looked fucking amazing even tho I was just at work. But my stomach said lol nope you don’t get to be comfy without suffering.

I’ve taken to just measuring the waists of pants I want to buy so I don’t have to try them on (usually works just fine) so I did that to a pair of jeans I was wanting to buy (I’d already bought a smaller size that didn’t fit and I was doing a great job feeling neutral about having to size up)

So I measured the waist and saw it should fit but out of paranoia I measured my own and IT HAD GONE UP 10 FUCKING CENTIMETRES.

So I tried the jeans on anyway bc hey, why not, I feel like shit anyway. And it was too tight. Logically I know I was just bloated and shit but there was that little voice in my head that was going “fat, gross, disgusting, whale, etc”

And it sounded just like all the Mormon women that came before me. My mom. My grandmother. My aunt. All women I love and adore and who I don’t have a single memory of when they weren’t on a diet.

I hate that fat phobia is so baked into this religion. I’ve been out for going on 3 years and it’s still fucking affecting me. I can’t wear my beautiful new skirt because it fucks me up too much.

I’m planning to deprogram myself so I can just wear the fucking skirt but I have no idea how long it’ll take. I’ll do it tho. I know that much.

Also guess what. I measured my waist again the next morning. Back down ten centimetres.

If we ever want girls and women and just people in general to feel even slightly normal about their bodies we need to teach them about weight fluctuations and that they’re normal.

I know through experience and research that they’re normal. But I still felt like shit in that moment. It’s just fatphobia, plain and simple.

#exmo #exmormon #exmo stuff #I have not edited this well I just know it #blame it on the rum #centimetres telling on me #I’m not from the usa who could have guessed #I want to fight people #please let this reach the right audience or just go straight into the void idc anymore

[wander-wren]

i keep seeing shiver slander and as someone who has spent multiple years trying to get everyone i know to read that silly werewolf romance i NEED to list all the reasons i like it, thank you. out of context spoilers below the cut, if you care about that at all. this also devolved into whole series spoilers but it’s still mostly shiver

the text (in my paperback copy) is fucking blue. for the other books which are green/red/orange themed THE TEXT MATCHES this has nothing to do with the book i just think it slaps

speaking of design the og covers are better. color coded leaves and vines with a red blood spatter dot for the i. bc characters get shot a surprising amount. it’s cool sorry

grace is the first protag i ever read who was so relentlessly practical. she has her life plan. she’s very organized. she’s going to college. she doesn’t have time for parties. she’s me except she reads exclusively nonfiction and mystery

she’s like this bc her parents are artsy types and very neglectful, they never got past their college kid phases. actually this is super interesting taken next to something like the dreamer trilogy where art is literally magic. but childhood trauma count: 3

it’s 3 bc they’re so bad at being parents they let her get attacked by wolves as a kid and also she nearly died from being left in a car the following summer

sam is my baby boy. he loves books, he knows a ton of poetry but especially rilke, he bakes bread and makes origami birds to hang in his bedroom and he’s a musician

he was raised by a relentlessly practical but very caring werewolf dude after his parents tried to murder him for being a werewolf when he was seven. childhood trauma count: 4

do you see. do you see how they are each other’s opposites. except for the small detail that sam’s second dad loved him. fuck

beck is sam’s dad and he’s so fucking complicated but i adore him.

they both link their hands behind their head when they’re stressed. they make the same facial expressions. i. cannot. dad and son

cole st clair exists. he’s a canadian rockstar turned werewolf BY CHOICE and he and sam are incredibly at odds over this. cole is deeply suicidal and a genius and i am fascinated by him

i’m gonna get more unhinged. ready? small warning for a few gore mentions

shelby

just. shelby’s scar scene. torturing an alive bird by playing with it’s entrails. “it looked like hamburger when they bit me. it must be hell when we kill something. we must be the worst way to die”

but also: that blink and you miss it scene where she tries to tell sam pretending he can be normal is pointless and he should Accept his wolfishness and she’s fucking up his school papers and beck drags her out and tells her to remember where she came from, and if she ever says that to sam again he will send her back. and shes screaming. fuck. what the FUCK.

i’m gonna repeat that shelby

beck being the one who turned sam bc his wife died and he was selfish and stupid. goddamn

grace when she starts turning in linger. grace who just wants a nice apartment and a red coffee pot. it’s about holding onto the one inconsequential thing as a metaphor for stability/happiness

the first bathtub scene. fuck. FUCK. save your new boyfriend from turning wolf but you have to purposely trigger flashbacks to his childhood trauma. what the fuck

cole not believing in sam’s trauma and dragging him to the bathroom only for sam to have another flashback in front of him

fucking. jack’s death. he’s a dick but holy shit

the scene where sam plays his guitar in the bathtub and Is Okay. ohmygod my heart

beck talking to grace and telling her that sam is more human than the others and being a wolf is torture for him. he’s the best damn person beck knows and beck ruined him bc of his own selfishness and spent a decade trying to make up for it

FUCKING MR DARRIOS DOGS WHAT THE FUCK

childhood trauma count: 6 (i forgot to count shelby)

cole’s voicemails to isabel. dies

cole wants to die so so so much and all his internal monologues about it make me cry

grace and isabel reluctant friendship

i have no idea what book it is but that scene with isabel in the mexican restaurant trying to play normal with her family

that scene from i want to say linger where grace starts vomiting blood and when it’s over the first thing she says is “sam. my hair.” so sad and miserable and its not ABOUT her hair having gunk in it its. a metaphor. please

the fucking helicopter chase scene. it’s not even until book 3 but if there was an adaptation that is the one scene i would want to see

every scene with grace and her parents fucking breaks my heart bc they’re not breaking the law they’re just ignoring her. grace thinking that if she was less of a golden child they would pay attention to her and shes RIGHT bc as soon as she breaks the rules for sam….

isabel and her parents are also so. soo. no one has a healthy parental relationship not even beck and sam

SPEAKING OF WHEN BECK SHOWS UP WITH COLE AND VIKTOR AND SAM IS SO FUCKING BETRAYED? they chose this life but it’s hell for him, he can’t imagine forcing anyone into it

but also the fucking scene where jack kidnaps grace and she calls beck and pretends to have a normal conversation while he tries to get info about her location and jack’s intentions….that’s the scene that always makes me bawl idk why. beck is so reassuring

grace hating poetry until sam reads it to her

CHRISTA. NO ONE EVER TALKS ABOUT CHRISTA.

she exists in exactly one flashback where she and beck are fighting bc she killed someone (as a wolf) and beck is lecturing her and she’s like “this isn’t a life i’m a monster and i’ll cope how i damn well please” and beck tells her to leave and never come back. and he follows her into the backyard and shoots her.

grace in the mud pit in whatever book that was

to end on a happy note: sam and grace in the golden wood. sam and grace on their coffee/candy store date. grace crying when sam reads her poetry and finally understanding it/art for the first time. sam as a person in winter for the first time in a decade. i cry

#wren wrambles #shiver #the wolves of mercy falls #im sorry for all my shiverposting #there will be one more #:((

[not-quite-angelic]

HI DIVINE ILY SO MUCH I'M SO GLAD YOU STARTED THIS BLOG!!! I am humbly sending a request for a self insert with Robin (gOD BLESS THAT WOMAN)

rating: we both know it's gonna be an E, please and thank you

characters: Robinnnn 🥰🥰🥰 recently-joined-the-crew Robin 💜💜💜

dynamics: I just joined the crew and Robin's showing me around, and since I trust her the most I always end up sleeping in her bed 💜 one night while we're cuddling she grabs my waist and one thing leads to another and we end up FUCKING

also d/s if it fits? maybe the start of it like "joking around about her being such a mommy and then whoops looks like I like that a little too much!"

kinks: MOMMY KINK PLEASE also praise kink!! and a pinch of humiliation if it's not too much to ask

gendered language: feminine language, afab reader 🌸

scenario and tone: the vibe is I'm needy and I want Robin's attention bc I'm a whore for that woman

no triggers or squicks that apply here so all good!!

hello my dear 💖 tysm for the ask! delightfully specific. I don’t think I’ll have enough room for all that detail in smth this short but let me see what I can do

let me know what you think!

~~~

to your credit, you manage to survive your first night sleeping next to Nico Robin without dying of sexual frustration.

you should, theoretically, not be sleeping next to her at all, but the Straw Hat Pirates were not strictly prepared to pick up a third female crew member, and the second Nami saw the way you were looking at Robin, she loudly declared that she’d let you share with her, for five thousand berries a night. at which point Robin chimed in that you could sleep with her instead, and Nami gave you the smuggest, most self-satisfied look you’d ever seen on anyone that wasn’t a cat. and promptly volunteered to take first watch for the next week.

(you’re still not entirely sure whether you appreciate the help, or want to strangle her for it. or both.)

regardless, it’s not important how you got here. what’s important is that you are in bed with Nico goddamn Robin, again, trying again to not die of sexual frustration or do anything regrettable and/or extremely rude while being spooned by the sexiest woman you’ve ever seen in your life.

you’re doing pretty okay, all things considered. and then Robin murmurs, “sweet dreams,” in that unreasonably sultry voice, and slings an arm around your waist.

you maybe make a noise. your brain wants to believe it was just a squeak. your ears inform you that it happened to sound very much like the word mommy.

Robin huffs a quiet breath behind you. “what was that, baby?” she murmurs. she is very audibly smiling.

“nothing,” you choke. “nothing.”

“okay.” she doesn’t believe you, but that’s fine. you weren’t very convincing. “good night, sweetheart.”

you’re going to die. this woman and her pet names are going to kill you. this must be what she meant when she called herself an assassin. you are, additionally, so distracted by this train of thought that the next words out of your mouth escape entirely unfiltered.

“good night, mommy.”

as soon as you realize, you freeze up. Robin has gone very quiet behind you, but she’s not falling asleep. you can practically hear her waiting.

you don’t say anything. you do squirm a little, though.

Robin tightens her grip on your waist. you squeak again. she’s soft and warm against your back, and tall enough that her embrace kind of envelops you. it’s nice, and by nice you mean making you think extremely horny thoughts about all the unspeakable things you want this woman to do to you.

she nudges in close, sets her mouth against your ear. “you all right, baby?” she teases, and you shudder hard in her grip. “you’re not getting worked up over this, are you?”

you squirm some more, and don’t answer.

“answer me.”

“yes, mommy,” you gasp. “I’m sorry, mommy.”

Robin brushes a whisper-light kiss against the shell of your ear. “good girl.”

you whimper. “mommy, please—”

“needy little thing aren’t you,” Robin murmurs, wickedly pleased.

you let out a shocked moan. your hips rock against her, thighs squeezing together in a desperate bid to relieve any of the throbbing need between your legs. you’ve soaked right through your underwear; your skin is sticky.

Robin coos sympathetically. “you’ll never get any sleep like that, baby. here, let me help.”

before you can find the brains to do anything more than whine, you feel the strangest sensation between your legs, and then two elegant fingers slide through the mess you’re making of your underwear, and you moan openly.

“oh fuck, mommy, please,” you blurt, thighs flexing uselessly. Robin’s hands haven’t moved — one tucked between the mattress and the curve of your waist, the other pinned gently between your back and Robin’s stomach. the fingers in your underwear are sprouting from your underwear, with the help of Robin’s devil fruit power.

“shhh,” she tells you, arm tightening around your waist again and making you whimper. “it’s bedtime, baby girl.” those fingers nestle between your folds like they’re settling down to sleep, finding your clit with dizzying accuracy but then simply resting there, torturously still against your clit.

you could cry. “mommy, please, come on, don’t tease me.”

Robin hums. “but it’s bedtime, sweetheart. I’m so tired.” she trails her mouth down to your neck, and you tip your head eagerly to give her access. she presses a couple of gentle kisses there, and you whimper again.

“I’m too tired to rub your clit for you, baby,” she sighs. she’s lying and you both know it. she’s not even trying to convince you. “you’ll have to do it for me.”

your breathing does something funny. is she really— does she want you to—?

hesitantly, you rock your hips. the fingers between your legs drag against your clit, giving you just barely enough friction to tease without providing any relief.

“that’s it,” Robin murmurs. “good girl.”

you swear and drop one of your own hands to press against your soaked underwear, press Robin’s fingers harder against your clit. pleasure sparks up your spine. you rock your hips again, chasing the feeling.

“that’s it,” Robin croons again. “just like that. good girl.”

you whine. shame buzzes through you; your limbs tingle with it as you move, humping Robin’s fingers desperately. you’re so turned on, you’re nearly coming just from this.

“that’s it, baby,” Robin murmurs. “come for mommy, go on.”

it pushes you over the edge with all the subtlety of being shoved bodily off a cliff. you manage to muffle your wail into the palm of your free hand, hips still working frantically against the pressure on your clit as your muscles spasm with it.

you come down panting. Robin hasn’t moved; the fingers she’s got tucked against your clit shift idly, and you gasp, but they settle quickly.

“there you go,” Robin murmurs. “now get some sleep, baby girl. lots to do tomorrow.”

you whimper, thighs squeezing briefly around your hand. “yes, mommy,” you whisper.

#I'm a little braindead rn but I did my best lol #this also ran a bit longer than I'd like #request #one piece self insert #nico robin #pov second person #nico robin x you

[full-course-identity]

I already tried to say this (somewhat successfully) on Twitter a few months ago, but one particular post here (that I don’t even necessarily disagree w/) keeps popping up on my dash & I really wanna comment on it but I also reaaally don’t wanna start an argument on accident, so uh, here goes -

To preface this: like everyone else, I don’t… love the ant’s attempt to colonize contort DD:DNE into something they’re “Allowed To Access” (it’s esp cool when they use the tag themselves while still, y’know, actively hunting DD:DNE creators for sport); I think their conflation of DD:DNE w/ [mild darkfic you feel shame reading &/or writing, yet still try to self-justify by making sure the bad guys aren’t sexy or w/e (unlike those EEEVIL PROSHI’S)] is contradictory to the entire Goddamn point of the tag, & I really wish the root-rot of moral panic didn’t have to poison & permeate every good thing within modern fandom.

… but maybe we don’t need to reject every aspect of current-day “DD:DNE” communities?

This is still kinda hard for me to formulate for some reason, but like — I’ve been using DD:DNE (both as a tag on my own work, & as a loose “genre” to browse on AO3) for many, many years now, & “in order to use DD:DNE correctly, every single aspect of it must be properly tagged & warned of in advance” is only true if what you Actually mean is “either tag the content, or give the reader a head’s up about a lack of thorough tagging, that way they can still choose whether to risk a trigger potentially popping up later”.

I know that those statements aren’t that different from each other. In fact, I’m actually pretty sure most people reblogging posts phrased as the former innately agree w/ the latter.

… but “no you LITERALLY need to fine-tooth-comb that shit for every potential kink, trope, reference, etc” is the wording that keeps gaining traction!

oh fucking fuck this fucking post wasn’t supposed to post yet fucking Goddamn tumblr I clicked save draft

Look. I know most people probably understand this. It’s not a groundbreaking take.

But I began second-guessing my understanding of DD:DNE entirely (never an issue prior!) when this rhetoric started gaining traction, so indulge me for a sec:

If you, for w/e reason, don’t like extensive tagging (I prefer going in blind & actively cultivate an audience willing to do the same), then… you don’t have to!

There are alternatives to giving up your full hand, y’all. You can talk about it in the tags, the authors notes, the summaries, etc. — you just need to make damn sure the ambiguous-ness of the risk factor here is clear to potential viewers, bc otherwise, yeah: it defeats the whole point.

#oh GOD I meant to save this draft not queue it!!!

[zackcrazyvalentine]

cue crowley crying in the back because his students are finally uniting

YES NURSE MC !!! I JUST KNOW THOSE FUCKERS WOULD GET HIT ON PURPOSE AND THEN BD LIKE “the pain is unbearable 😩 ! MC kiss it better please ?” i’m looking at you floyd , ace and ruggie , we all know that bitch didn’t touch you

THEY WOULD USE KALIM , ORTHO AND PROBABLY CHEKA BECAUSE HE WILL COME SO THAT MC IS ALWAYS DISTRACTED , i shall call this one the cutie squad

Playing dirty is basically nrc’s motto for real i never saw those play fair-

if rsa think they have a chance when MALLEUS aka daddy angy dragon AND LEONA aka daddy angsty kitty ARE ABOUT TO LOSE THEIR MC-

vil would probably curse the disk so that hit rsa everytime

ACTUALLY THEY WOULD GER HIT KN PURPOSE AND BE LIKE “see how hard they hit me 🙁😩 ? i can’t believe rsa is so mean 😢 “ SO THAT MC WOULD HAVE A IMPRESSION OF THEM

also che’nya in the back laughing is ass off

BUT DO CONSIDER THIS

cheerleader mc

LIKE MC APPEARING OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THE CUTEST NRC CHEERLEADING OUTFIT ????

THEY WOULD GO WILD (idia would just die but that’s just a detail)

MC ??? CHEERLEADING OUTFIT???? FOR THEM ??? i swear to god rsa is not getting out of here alive-

just one ☝🏾 one ☝🏾 “Go go NRC ! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶” ONE AND ITS OVER . RSA IS GONNA CRY FOR CENTURIES BECAUSE OF HOW HUMILIATING THIS TOURNAMENT WAS .

also i just realized that half the asks you respond to are mine i need to calm the fuck down skdkdkkddk-

OMG NO, IT’S OKAY!! U’re pretty much the only one sending chatty asks like this 👉👈  it’s totally okay, I don’t mind~

DJSKFHJDS LIKE HOW CROWLEY CRIED IN THE PROLOGUE

 MC TRULY IS A BEASTTAMER, LOOK AT HOW THEY MAKE NRC COME TOGETHER LIKE THIS!!!

Ace, Ruggie, Floyd definitely will do that asdfds

I feel like Leona would, too, but he’s more preoccupied with taking down RSA to leave their magicless darling alone

OMG THE CUTIE SQUAAAAAAD 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️

YES YES YES, MAKE MAC HAVE FULL HANDS WITH TAKING CARE OF THESE BOYS (but more so specially with Kalim and Cheka ‘cuz Ortho is a little more independent... just gotta keep an eye out for his trigger happy antics of wanting to blow the school up LOL MAYBE THAT’S HY HE’S PUSHED ONTO MC, BC HE IMMEDIATELY WENT TO THAT AS THE ONLY OPTION TO NOT HAVE RSA PESTER THEM ANYMORE)

.

OKAY, BUT... THIS IS THE   O N L Y  O N E  T I M E   LEONA WILLINGLY MAKES AN ALLIANCE WITH BOTH, VIL AND MALLEUS

“Alright you pretentious idiots, as much as I hate this, we HAVE to make sure RSA get the message across: MC is OURS and ours ALONE”

“Leave it to me...” Vil pipes in, after rolling his eyes at the name calling in the Lion’s side, “I’m sure no one will suspect much of a disk randomly hitting RSA students, or would they?”

“Make it extra painful”

The model smiled mischievously, “Already on it”

Leona turned to Malleus, sighing in slight irritation at having to work together with him. “And you... don’t even think about going easy on them.”

“Oh?�� Draconia smirked, “But it was never in my plans to go easy on them.”

“No, you know what I’m speaking of,” Green eyes looked at his rival’s own green orbs, “You tone down some of your movements in random intervals... Stop with that, and tell Vanrouge to cease with it too... We must teach those bastards a lesson, MC came to NRC, and they definitely need no rescuing.”

For once, Malleus agreed with the beastman. “I’ll stop, only if you give it your all in the field, as well. No use on letting yourself get defeated and give up after one single game. Get it through their thick skulls, MC is to stay at NRC with us.”

.

Tbh Che’nya is probably the lest RSA boy the Academy has fjhdsjkfjd

He can immediately see through NRC’s plan, so he decides to be the “neutral” one and keep himself off anyone’s side

Meanwhile, MC is already going: “Oh my! RSA are truly despicable! >:c Who would’ve though those boys hated NRC so much to constantly hit them with the disk!” (wait wait wait, don’t turn MC into an oblivious naïve one, Zack)

That, or they’re like: “Goddamn it, these idiots... Why I do love them so much that I would actually bail them out of getting into serious trouble due to their dirty cheating?” (welcome to being charmed by dumbasses, MC... or as we like to call it, the Twst Fandom)

.

JFHGFKJGLJDFK  O M G  Y E S   MC IN A CHEERLEADING UNIFORM

THE BOYS SPOT THEM IN THE UNIFORM, SCREAMING AND WAVING A BANNER, OR POMPOMS, OR FANS.... IMMEDIATE HEART EYES AND 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘💘 SHOT THROUGH THE HEART

You bet every dorm will want a personalized cheer and for them to say it right as their team is about to head out into the field, the boost they all needed to HUMILIATE RSA AND MAKE THEM EAT THEIR DIRT

.

This is such wonderful scenario lol

Thank you for blessing me, blessing us, with your ideas, anon!!

#sorry for lack of emojis #answering on my laptop aaa #ALSO i ADORE THE KAOMOJI YOU USE ANON #SO FITTING AND CUTE #zask #twisted wonderland

[1990jeevas]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

#shit self #asks #boku no hero academia #long post #bakugou katsuki #yes i am a bakugou kinnie shut the fuck up /lh #this is all /nm btw its just so much easier to make my long posts aggressive yk #this is just how i talk irl but Better Formatted #info dump #kinz #anti mitsuki #discourse #bangerz

[hyperfixationtimego]

Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Like

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

#sorry this took forever and i doubt it’s even legible my god #but yes angst 🥺 #mondo sweetie......I’d die for u.... #also not me getting distracted every fifteen minutes or so by spotify playing a song that reminds me of a headcanon for a different char 😳 #took me all day to write this I’m sobbing #danganronpa #ask box #mondo owada #car crash #car crash tw #trauma #trauma tw #angst #dr #ishimondo #daiya owada #the-human-sharpie #non despair au (danganronpa) #crazy diamonds #diamond brothers #kiyotaka ishimaru #trigger happy havoc #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #thh #dr thh #dr headcanon tag

[littlespoonevan]

hiii! I really hope I'm not bothering you but... are you taking prompts? 👀 cause I love your fics and this is kinda your fault because I read your post about 9x06 lol but now I can't stop thinking about I&M having a *real talk* like... "I'm sorry I let you go" 🥺?

Sorry it took me a while to get to this - my ao3 fics kept me quite busy the past few weeks! okay so i’ve written about the aftermath of 9x06 quite a few times but never an actual, full “talk about everything” conversation in its entirety so i decided to give it a whirl here! 

for the record i 100% believe they had a conversation like this within the first week, if not 24 hours, of being in the cell together and find it absolutely preposterous john wells tried to act like they hadn’t in 10x03 and then again in 10x08 bc all ian wanted to do legit all season was talk things through and that didn’t come from nowhere but ANYWAY, they’ve got a lot of things to sort through but i did my best to cover as much as i could!

I hope you like it <3

*

The lights have been out for five minutes and Ian just about manages to stay in his bunk long enough for the guard to do his final check of their cell before he’s swinging himself down from his bed to crawl in next to Mickey.

He’s met with kisses and a muffled laugh into his mouth and fuck, he never thought he’d get to do this again. He allows himself to get lost in Mickey’s body for a few minutes, trading hungry kisses while their hands roam wherever either of them can reach, like they’re trying to commit one another’s skin to memory again – not that Ian has any intention of letting Mickey go this time.

He’s been itching to touch Mickey like this all day – they’d managed a hurried, flustered mutual reunion handjob before but they couldn’t risk anything more. Even that had been reckless but he’s pretty sure he lost any and all sense the second Mickey walked through the door of his cell.

He wants more now, wants Mickey whatever way he can have him, but a thought makes him pause and as soon as he thinks it he can’t stop thinking about it.

Is this supposed to be reunion sex or make-up sex?

Ian had done a lot of soul-searching and self-reflection after he’d left Mickey at the border and he just- he wants to talk about it. He doesn’t want them to jump straight into everything again and let their issues fester like they used to. Sex has never been a problem for them, communication on the other hand…

Mickey must notice he’s slowed down because he leans back, a confused smile on his face. “What?”

Ian looks at him and feels nothing but an all-consuming, addictive kind of love envelope him. He loves Mickey so fucking much – he hadn’t been able to stop even when he wanted to – he’s not going to hurt him again. But that means he needs to do this right. “Do you think we should talk first?” he asks uncertainly.

They’d both sort of agreed earlier that they would talk eventually when they’d been catching up and found themselves naturally slipping into deeper territory. They’d said they could worry about it later. But well, it’s later now.

Mickey appraises him for a moment and Ian tries not to panic when he notices his expression shutter the tiniest bit. Cradling Mickey’s jaw, he runs a thumb across his cheek. “Mick, I wanna do this right this time. We should talk about it.”

Mickey’s expression softens somewhat at that. “Talk about what?”

Ian blows out a breath. “Everything, I guess?”

He’s not sure they ever really talked out their issues in the past. He thinks they would’ve when Mickey brought him back home after he took off for the army. But Ian had already been halfway to manic by then and hadn’t exactly been in the most rational frame of mind to discuss the deep shit.

Mickey shifts onto his back, still keeping one arm around Ian, and Ian fits himself against Mickey’s side, head half on the pillow, half on Mickey’s shoulder.

“Well, if we’re talking about everything,” Mickey starts, rolling his head to the side and meeting Ian’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

And that’s- what?

“What the fuck are you sorry for?” Ian asks with a frown – he’s pretty sure he’s the one with a laundry list of apologies to make here.

Mickey huffs out a laugh but it sounds sad. “Jesus, Ian. Did you just block out the first year and a half of our relationship?” He averts his gaze for a second before looking back to Ian with renewed determination. “I’m sorry for all the times I pushed you away or pretended this didn’t mean anything or ended it because I got scared or hit you- fuck-“

“Mickey,” Ian says, cutting him off with a hand on Mickey’s chest. “You think I resent you for any of that?” he says, words quietly disbelieving. “Or that I don’t get why you acted the way you did? Yeah, sure, it fucking hurt at the time but I’m pretty sure you made up for it a thousand times over with everything that came afterwards.”

When I almost burned our relationship to the ground, he thinks, and all you did was try to love me.

Mickey glances away again, looking more bashful this time. “It still doesn’t make it okay.”

“Yeah, well if it wasn’t already clear, I forgive you,” Ian tells him, feeling his mouth tick up at the edges when Mickey starts to smile at him. And he can’t help leaning to brush their lips together – just once before he allows himself to get side-tracked.

It’s his turn now.

“While we’re doling out apologies,” he starts, feeling shame burn through him. Even thinking about half the shit he’s done makes him question how the fuck Mickey’s still here. “I’m so fucking sorry, Mick. Jesus. For all of it.”

Mickey stares at him with something vulnerable in his eyes and Ian wonders if anyone’s ever actually apologised to Mickey for hurting him before. That thought alone is enough for him to keep going.

“I’m sorry for giving you an ultimatum after the wedding. I was just- fuck, I was at breaking point, y’know? I know what happened that day with Terry was a million times worse for you-“

Mickey tenses at that and Ian thinks they’re going to talk about a lot tonight but they probably won’t talk about that. Some scars just run too fucking deep.

“I always wondered,” Mickey interrupts quietly, staring at Ian’s hand on his chest instead of Ian himself. “If that day was your trigger or whatever.”

Ian’s wondered it too, has considered bringing it up whenever he does go to therapy countless times, but he can never make himself say it out loud.

“It might’ve been,” he says slowly. “But if it was that’s Terry’s fault, not yours.”

Mickey nods absently and Ian shifts forward until he can press his forehead to Mickey’s temple. “None of it was our fault, Mick.”

Neither of them speaks for a beat – everything they’ve left unsaid hanging heavy in the air between them until Ian eventually decides to carry on.

“And I know I said sorry for this one before,” he continues. “But I’m sorry for trying to make you come out.”

Mickey shakes his head as if to tell him it doesn’t matter. But it does.

“And for all the fucking bullshit I pulled with you while I was manic. Not even just the big stuff – the cheating, the porno, Yevgeny – but all of it. I didn’t treat you how I wanted to back then.” Ian feels tears burn behind his eyes just thinking about it and his pulse is ragged by the time Mickey finally turns his head to look at him.

His eyes are shining and Ian’s heart is fucking broken. “You were sick, Ian.”

“Doesn’t make any of it okay,” Ian mumbles, closing his eyes when he feels Mickey’s fingers graze against the back of his neck. “Just- I really need you to know that the only reason I broke up with you was because Monica fucking got in my head and I could see how much I was killing you and I didn’t want that for you, Mick,” he says, voice low and desperate, begging Mickey to understand. “The thought of you just staying with me and letting me hurt you over and over again was too fucking much. Especially back then when I felt like I’d never feel normal again.”

Mickey is quiet for a moment before he squeezes the back of Ian’s neck. “I’m not excusin’ shit, Ian. Losing you back then- it nearly fucking broke me. But it’s like what you said about the stuff I did. It’s not okay. But I know why you did it.”

Ian nods, sniffling back the tears threatening to fall and burying his face in Mickey’s neck to press an apologetic kiss against the spot where his neck meets his shoulder. Mickey’s arm tightens around him in response and it’s enough to give Ian courage to deliver the final part of his apology.

He leans back, pushing up on his elbow so he can look down at Mickey and meets his gaze while he talks. “I’m sorry I didn’t go with you to Mexico,” he whispers, breath hitching. “I’m so fucking sorry but I wanted to believe so badly that I actually had my shit together and-“

Mickey cuts him off before he can say anymore, lips upturned in a rueful smile. “I’m not mad about that,” he murmurs.

Ian frowns in confusion. “You’re not?”

Mickey nods, blowing out a resigned breath. “You were fucking right, Ian. Where were we supposed to get your meds? I spent two years working for a fucking cartel, that’s not exactly the kinda stress-free, routine life you needed to be living.” Mickey shakes his head, shrugging half-heartedly. “I didn’t think it through, I just wanted to be with you again – couldn’t see past that, y’know?”

And Ian is so fucking in love with him. He can’t believe Mickey still has so much goddamn faith in him.

“Fat lotta good it did anyway,” he huffs bitterly. “Goin’ home. Look where I ended up.”

He’d given Mickey the basics of what’d happened with the whole Gay Jesus thing earlier. But it’s still hard to believe how quickly things spiralled after he came home from the border.

Mickey doesn’t say anything because there’s not much to say really but he links his fingers together with the hand Ian’s still got resting on his chest which is an answer in and of itself.

“Listen,” Ian murmurs, meeting Mickey’s gaze and hoping he can see the sincerity there. “I know- I don’t expect you to just give me blanket forgiveness right now, okay? I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me,” he says, voice feeling thick with emotion. “But let me make it up to you, alright? Let me prove that I’m in this this time. I’m not fuckin’ around again, Mick. I’m not- I can’t let you go again.”

Mickey doesn’t reply right away and Ian watches as a myriad of emotions flickers across his face. Eventually though, his throat bobs and he offers Ian a hint of a smile. “You let me make my shit up to you. It’d be pretty fuckin’ hypocritical if I didn’t let you do the same.”

Ian huffs out a relieved laugh, resting his forehead against Mickey’s shoulder. “Or smart, maybe.”

“When have I ever fuckin’ been smart around you, Gallagher?” Mickey says amusedly and Ian raises his head again, leaning in until there’s the barest inch of space between them.

“I mean it,” he whispers steadfastly. “If it takes a week or a year to make you trust me again, I’ll do it. I promise.”

Mickey’s expression is calm and open as he watches him and Ian revels at being allowed to see the vulnerability behind his eyes – more as a sign of trust than because Mickey can’t conceal it for once. He closes the distance between them and tries to pour every bit of love and devotion he possesses into the kiss, hoping Mickey can feel it.

When their lips dislodge after a minute or so Ian rearranges them until he’s the one lying on his back and Mickey’s head is resting on his chest.

“I missed you so fucking much,” Mickey admits into the cotton of Ian’s tank top and Ian closes his eyes, feeling a lump swell in his throat as his eyes begin to water.

“I missed you too,” he murmurs hoarsely, tightening his arms around Mickey like he could fuse their bones together and pressing a firm kiss to Mickey’s hair. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Mickey mumbles and it’s just three words but it feels like fucking salvation to Ian’s ears.

They’re gonna be alright.

*

#gallavich #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless #my fics #mickeys gonnagetrealbitchy #asks #long post #i have NO idea what's wrong with the read more i'm so sorry #i've tried to fix it a million times

[punkshowbathroom]

i got all angry last night bc i kept thinking about someone that i really hate,, ugh i sound so immature but what they did to me is unforgivable in my opinion. so bear with me here while i vent about it bc i need to get it out.

fuck madison,, fuck her in her stupid dumbass face,, fuck her existence >:( i would gladly run her over with a car without hesitation. this girl is the most inconsiderate being and i want to yeet her into the goddamn void. i cant stand her,, any time i would pass her in the school hallways, i had to use all my self control to not throw my book at her or punch her stupid face in.

ok you must be wondering what awful things she did to warrant this amount of hatred from me. here it is.

this all started after my trauma happened. i had extremely bad ptsd and every little thing would trigger me. i wasn't in therapy or taken any medication, i was just suffering in my own head. as a friend, i expected her to support me and help me through this. that's obviously not what happened in the end. she was helpful in the beginning but when the ugly symptoms came out she became more reluctant to stand by me. she started teasing me about my fear of vans. every time we would walk through the parking lot in the back of the school, she would go up to the school vans and touch them telling me that they weren't bad or evil. she did this almost EVERY day. yes, i know the vans themselves aren't bad, it's the people inside, but the van is a visual trigger for me so i couldn't stand being near them. i also had a very bad fear of abandonment,, i didnt want my friends to leave me and it got worse when she deliberately ignored me all the fucking time. i basically cried every day in art class then went to the counselor's office. one day, walking home from the bus stop, there was a car coming up behind us (we were walking in the road) and i turned around and my irrational brain thought it was a van, so i started panicking and having flashbacks. that led to me flipping off the person in the car. yes, they did not deserve that but my brain had disassociated from that moment and it was all just fight or flight, i couldn't control what my body did. she got mad at me for an involuntary gesture. *involuntary* meaning i had NO control over myself. and i wasn't going to apologize,, i will never apologize for something i cant control. the worst of it was the multiple times she threatened to show up at my house in a van. THATS COMPLETELY FUCKED UP. my (ex) best friend, threatening to show up at my house driving the vehicle that haunted my nightmares, the vehicle that gave me ptsd and depression. i could barely sleep anymore,, i was always running on 2-3 hours of sleep every night. i was suffering and extremely suicidal. i was depending on her to support me through the shittiest part of my life, and she made a fucking joke out of it. she made a joke of my suffering. she should have told me if it was too much for her. i definitely would have respected that. but she didnt, and continued to mock my pain. fuck

thank fucking god that she is out of my life. madison made my ptsd and depression a lot fucking worse, but now shes gone from my life and im in therapy. im honestly at the best ive ever been. sure ive had my bad days since i ended the friendship, but they were worth it. it felt like a weight being lifted off of my existence. i no longer had to pretend to be okay and silence myself for her convenience.

so if any of you happen to know her or come across her, grind her toes into the gravel, i dont fucking care.

fuck you madison eaton, eat shit and fuck off into the void 😘👋

[sungiehearts]

all good things must come to an (end)start - lee minho

pairing : lee minho x reader

warnings : mentions of trying to get into someone’s pants, cussing

genre: angst , fluff

word count: 1342 words :)

8 years . that’s how long you and minho had been best friends. you had some where caught feelings for him about 2 years ago. maybe it was because he would buy you uber eats at like 2 am to make sure your were eating and staying healthy. or maybe the way he managed to make you smile by doing absolutely nothing. you heart longed for him. you wanted him more than a best friend should. but you couldn’t help it. you couldn’t help but fall for him. he was amazing. he had every girl in the whole school wrapped around his finger. but he didn’t treat you like that. he didn’t treat you like an object. he treated you like a princess. maybe that’s why you fell for him. Eit’s not like you wanted to after

you hated your self endlessly. how the fuck could you EVER be perfect enough for someone like him. he could have every fucking girl and he wouldn’t ever choose you. that’s what you always thought. you constantly knocked yourself down for not feeling enough for him. it was a constant day to day thing. you even started to hate being around him some times bc it triggered those emotions, feelings, and thoughts.

that’s when you decided you need to end this friendship. you hated that thought. it made you cry and freak out everytime. you had this. you hated knowing that that was what you had to do. you couldn’t continue feeling this way. it was to much.

you asked minho to meet you at the boba shop because you need to talk to him. though out the whole day of school minho keep coming up to you and you tried to seem okay but it was just hard. he knew something was wrong but knowing minho he wouldn’t dare to say anything bc he knew it was scary when you were upset.

you were walking to the coffee shop where you’re like your be meeting minho to tell him you don’t want to be friends anymore. as you were walking up to the coffee shop you saw this beautiful girl like amazingly beautiful. perfect body, nice cheekbones, like the whole deal. then you saw a boy right beside her. you thought at first they were a cute couple until you realized the boy way minho. you heart started pounding. minho never told you he was seeings someone. then you saw her turn around on kiss him. that’s it. tears wildly escaped your eyes. he didn’t kiss her back but still. after about 10 minutes she left and you dried your tears off. you started walking towards minho with your face still puffy.

“uh hi minho you ready to go get some boba?” you said trying not to sound like you just cried

“uh yea but are you okay ?? you look like you have been crying” he said

goddamn y/n you fucking blew it.

“oh yea im okay ! just got something in my eyes earlier nothings wrong minho let’s go” you said trying to sound convincing

you both got inside and got your boba and sat at a table. every second your heart beating a little bit faster after knowing that you will never be able to do this again bc he might hate you after this.

“so why did you want to meet me here y/n”he asked

“u-h u-m min-ho see uh i think we should end things. please understand that i don’t want to talk about why but this friendship

is unhealthy for me and it’s causing me issues please understand me and respect that” you said trying to reason

minho was beyond startled. the girl he loved more than a friend is just going to end this right now ?? end their almost a decade of friendship now ?? but that’s right “friend” never would be would huh ?

“no” he said

“what do you mean no ?? “ you asked

“i can’t let you leave like that and i won’t let you” he said harshly.

“minho your gonna half to o-ok- okay” you said trying to hold back tears

the next moment he looked up you were gone he couldn’t find you so he check ur life 360 group chat and saw you went home.

—————————————————————

five months later

you both had not talked in five straight months. you constantly ignored and avoided any contact with one another. his friends stop talking to you. you only had two other friends besides minho. yeri and yuna. you had told them what happened and they comforted you though it all and you were incredibly thankful. the only thing you couldn’t get ride of were you feelings for minho and he couldn’t get rid of his feelings for you either. you both were in love with each other yet you both were just two dumb to realize.

yuna and yeri has invited you to one of their parties and you said fuck it why not. the only problem was that minho was gonna be there. you had to suck up and show you had moved on when in reality you really hadn’t and neither had he.

“get in bitch “ yeri yelled from outside of your house. the party was at yunas house and yeri came to pick you up. after arriving everything was going well. you met a bunch of cute boys.

you were chilling in the kitchen talking to this dude named Jackson. he was hOt honestly. and see here you kinda went along with him well. you were talking for about 45 minutes and decided to sit down at the table beside each other.

minho had been eyeing you though the night. you looked gorgeous to him. but he didn’t trust jackson. jackson tried to get into girls pants so he keep an eye on you to make sure you were okay. everything was going good so he decided to look away. until he heard a small “ jackson stop i don’t like that” from you followed by a “your gonna fucking listen to me” from Jackson which you saying “no your making me uncomfortable; get your fingers out of my pants” behind it.

minho didn’t care so he ran up to you and look at jackson

“dude she fucking said get off of her don’t treat her like that” minho said

“ minho stfu if i wanna treat her like that i will” jackson said while pushing minho

minho grabber your wrist gently and pulled you outside before jackson could get to you again

“y/n are you okay ?? did he hurt you ?? did i hurt you ??” minho said rambling

“minho i am fine. he was just trying to get into my pants. but why where you trying to help me ?? i thought you hated me?” you said

“no i don’t hate you-“ he cut him self off and looked down. maybe now is the time he should confess bc he can’t hold it back anymore

“look im sorry for what happened 5 months ago but listen i love you like not in a friend way but relationship wise” he said still looking down

“ you what ?? why didn’t you tell me sooner? i ened our friendship bc i thought you didn’t like me back and it was starting to hurt me and the day at the boba shop i saw a girl kissing you.” you said while in disbelief that he liked you.

“what you like me ?? i didn’t tell you bc i didn’t want to hold you back and that girl was my ex. trust me i have NO feelings for her” he said

“im sorry i don’t know what to do now” you said sadly

“let’s ditch this place and go to the market and get a bunch of snacks and to a drive in movie, how bout that ?” he said smiley cheeky.

you giggled

“yes ofc let’s gooo “boyfriend “ “

you said making him blush almost immediately

“okay “girl friend” “ he said winking at you

with that a true love blossomed☺️

#kpop #kpop ff #kpop imagines #kpop au #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #straykids #stray kids #lee know #minho

[royalprinceroman]

Life Gets Sweeter: Meeting

Hello everyone! Welcome to the first written installment of the Sanders Sides bakery AU!!! Hope you all enjoy! Please be sure to read the warnings/triggers and protect yourself. Hope you all enjoy! Please also check out the character designs on my cocreator's @availe blog!! They're beautiful designs!!! NOTE: This series is not told in any specific order. Consider this just a random entry! <3

Pairings: Eventual romantic Moxiety/Logince, platonic Royality/Analogical/Logicality/Prinxiety

Warnings: (This is for the series as a whole, not just this entry) suicidal thoughts/actions, depression, anxiety, blood, Deceit mention/sympathetic Deceit, homophobia/transphobia, weapons, nightmares, burning, cursing (to be added onto possibly)

People who might be interested: @mirror2thespirit, @andy-the-anon, @shadowjag, @randomslasher (bc moxiety), @justanotherpurplebutterfly, @sanders-trash-4ever

It was a dark, gloomy, and otherwise sad day.

Virgil Sanders laid on his mattress, covered with a rather thin blanket. The pillow under his head may as well be nonexistent as most of the stuffing had fallen out. Dark purple curtains hid the early evening sunset from the room. The clouds had parted later during that afternoon, letting some sun peek through, but Virgil had closed the curtains.

With little effort, Virgil sat up and let the blanket fall to the floor. His mattress was thin and without a bed frame, it was rather uncomfortable. The thin man stood and pulled on his jean & purple hoodie, covering his head with the hood. He stared at the next to empty kitchen across from him, discarded books, paper, pens and such laying all over the nearby dining room table.

His stomach grumbled as his gaze passed over the fridge. How long had it been since he ate? Virgil couldn't honestly remember. He had no money. What little he had usually went to his rent. It wasn't as if he felt like eating anyway.

Virgil ran his right hand through his hair, ignoring his burning skin under his bandages. He pulled his sleeve down tight to hide them. Was he ashamed of the bandages or the fact he had failed? Virgil shrugged to himself before grabbing his keys and his cell phone, leaving his apartment.

Leftover snow blanketed the neighborhood and all was silent. Virgil shoved his hands in his pockets and walked. There was no specific destination until he spotted the bridge to his right which was the bridge that led back into town. Virgil sighed, turning on his heel and headed towards it.

As he waited at a crossroads and cars passed in front of him, he contemplated just walking in front of one of them. But then again, Virgil didn't want someone else to bear his burden. After the traffic had passed, Virgil crossed and stepped up the slope to the bridge. With every step, the air became colder. Virgil began to be able to hear the water below sloshing and lapping in the wind. Once he reached the middle of the bridge he sat down, dangling his legs over the edge.

How many times had he come here? Virgil had lost count. But there was one thing he knew. This was the last time.

College, work, family, life... it had all became just too much. Not that anyone would miss him if he was gone. His parents and brother had stopped trying to call since Virgil never answered. His boss at work was just an asshole. Who gave a fuck about him anyways? Same with his teachers in college. Their interpretations of works was wrong and fuck them too.

Virgil grabbed onto the metal frame just above his head and squeezed tightly.

Is it cold? Of course it is you idiot.

Will it hurt? Of course it will you idiot.

But it'll end. Everything would. And that was the whole point of it all.

Virgil took in a breath through his nose and out his mouth. Why the absolute fuck was he scared?

Just do it you goddamn coward. Just do it. Doitdoitdoitdoit-

"Hey, you okay?"

The voice startled Virgil so much he slammed the top of his head onto the beam. "Motherfuc-" he covered the pain with his hands, biting his lip.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" The voice spoke again. Within a second, a person was leaning down next to Virgil. "I didn't mean to startle you!"

Virgil turned to see a man sitting down next to him. He had a rather thin frame but a bit of a tummy. Black thin rimmed glasses covered his bright blue eyes. In his hands was a bright pink box with a decorative label that read 'Patton's Pastries & Sweets'. The man dangled his own legs over the side and proceeded to try and open the box in his hands. It revealed 6 donuts inside: chocolate, powdered, and one that was pink- strawberry? Virgil tried his best to ignore the rumbled his stomach made. He had never smelled such delicious donuts in his life.

"Would you like one?" The man asked, holding the box out. "Feel free! I give them away to everyone in town." He held the box out towards Virgil but Virgil pushed it back towards him.

"No, I'm fine." Virgil said firmly with a bit more anger than he intended.

"Are you sure? They're really delicious, if I do say so myself!" The man said cheerfully. He didn't seem bothered by Virgil's retort. "I say that because I made them!" He flipped over the lid, pointing at the name. "That's me! I'm Patton. You are?"

Virgil scratched the back of his neck, turning his gaze from Patton away and back to the flowing river under them. "I'm... I'm Virgil." Virgil finally mumbled, biting his lip.

"Virgil?" Patton repeated. A smile reaching from ear to ear formed on his face. "Wow that's such a cool name! Wish I had thought of that." Virgil raised an eyebrow as he turned back to Patton. "Anyway! Let's go! It's really cold out here." Patton sat the donuts down on the bridge and pulled himself up. He then offered his hand to Virgil. "Come on?"

Virgil looked from Patton's hand and then to the water and back up into Patton's deep blue eyes. They looked just like the water below. But instead of cold, they somehow looked like a nice warm bath rather than a cold dark death below the bridge. Virgil released a deep sigh and took Patton's hand, standing up. He could always come back to the bridge tomorrow.

"Also, Virgil, I must insist!" Patton leaned over and picked up the donuts. "I rather not eat all of these by myself."

Patton smiled brightly and Virgil honestly began to wonder how Patton stayed so happy. But Virgil knew he rather not be the one to cause Patton's smile to disappear. So he reached and took one of the chocolate ones, taking a small bite out of the side. For just a brief moment, Virgil felt a very happy sensation as the chocolate and sugar danced in his mouth. This was easily the best donut he had ever tasted.

"You like it?!" Patton asked excitedly, his eyes sparkling behind his glasses. Virgil simply nodded and took another bite to prove it. Patton squealed happily.

The two of them walked down the bridge and back into the suburb area. Without realizing, Virgil subconsciously walked back towards his apartment while talking with Patton. To be fair, Patton did most of the talking while Virgil ate another donut. When Virgil stopped in front of his apartment complex, Patton peeked behind him.

"Oh do you live here?" Patton asked. Virgil nodded. "Oh okay! Well you get inside to warm up. I think I'll head home too actually. Have a good night Virgil!" Patton waved and flashed another smile.

As Virgil let himself inside the house, he realized Patton hadn't walked away yet. Once he turned to shut the door, the man gave him another quick closed eye smile and then turned to leave. Virgil pushed the door closed and locked it. He looked down at the half eaten second donut in his hand.

If it wasn't for the donut he truly could believe that this had all been a dream.

Virgil awoke abruptly, his head pounding and his heart racing.

Where was he? What happened?

Somehow Virgil had found his way onto his futon, cuddled in his old patchwork hoodie and a galaxy print blanket. He reached into his pocket for his phone but found nothing. Scrambling to get uncovered from the blanket, he heard a soft thump. His cell phone lay faceup and lit up brightly, cutting through the darkness. Virgil wiped his eyes as he grabbed the phone and blinked upon reading the screen.

"The 31st? Wait wait wait... wasn't it the 29th when I came home?" Virgil mumbled to himself before it came back to him as he eyed a dried out half donut sitting on the coffee table in front of him. "Oh my God did I sleep for two fucking days?"

Virgil forced himself up, feeling his brain go hazy and his vision flicker. A chill was sent down his spine as the blanket fell from his shoulders. He pulled the old hoodie off of his shoulders and then pulled his jean purple hoodie back on and grabbed his keys and cellphone, heading out the door.

The chill of the early January morning greeted him. Virgil pulled his hood over his head. He ignored the gnawing at his stomach and the light headedness he was feeling. Virgil only had one destination in mind. Patton. Most specifically, Patton's bakery. Virgil tried to remember the address on the top of the box under the logo. He had stared at it for so long but for some reason, it hadn't committed to memory.

"I think it said East 8th Street..." Virgil mumbled as he walked across the iron bridge. He didn't even so much as stop to look down. "I think 8th street starts at the second street at the end of the bridge and east is towards the high school..."

Virgil walked slowly and scooted his feet against the faded asphalt, hugging his stomach tightly. His vision was blurry and inaccurate but he was able to find his way slowly but surely to 8th street by way of a convenient restaurant on the corner aptly named "8th Street Cooking".

As Virgil walked along the sidewalk, he realized just how early in the day it was. He glanced at his basically dead cellphone. 3:49am looked back at him and his teeth chattered. What the absolute hell was he doing right now? Would Patton even be there? Did Patton even exist?

"No, he does exist. The donut is sitting in my apartment. Patton's real. He gave it to me. I just wanna see him again." Virgil spoke to himself as a wave of nausea and tiredness threatened to consume him.

Virgil tried his best to focus and continue walking but it was to no avail. His pain and fatigue got the best of him as he collapsed into a doorway, falling inside of a random building, losing consciousness.

Patton whistled while he worked in the back of the bakery. He had always been a morning person for the most part. Besides it was always quiet and gave him time to think and get things done before the hustle and bustle of the customers during breakfast.

Patton tied his navy blue apron around his back and set to work. He rolled the donuts perfectly, creating a few sheets in seconds, along with extra donut holes to sell on the side. From the fridge, Patton pulled out premade cookies, pastries, and other assorted treats which were prepared by his employees the day before. As he placed them in the large oven, the bell of the customer entrance rang out. Patton felt himself smile. It was pretty early so he was surprised to hear the bell, but maybe that meant it was someone new!

"I'll be right there!" Patton called out, grabbing a towel.

He walked through the door towards the front, seeing the door propped open by something. The wind from the early morning blew in fiercely.

"What..." Patton said as he walked around the counter, suddenly seeing a person had fallen inside his doorway and wasn't moving. "Oh my goodness!" He said worriedly, dropping the towel in his hand. He ran to the collapsed man and flipped him over. After getting a good look at his face, a realization washed over. "Virgil...?" Patton murmured, pulling him fully inside the building. Patton reached up to lock the door and flip the lights off in one swift motion. "Virgil, kiddo, can you hear me?" He asked, holding Virgil as gently as he could. The man was frozen to the core and his teeth chattered. His eyes were open slightly but he was unresponsive.

Patton looked back and forth, taking deep breaths. He had to get Virgil warmed up. He gently put his arm behind Virgil's back and his other arm under Virgil's legs. Taking a deep breath, Patton lifted the man, surprised at how light he was. He didn't feel any heavier than the largest sack of flour Patton normally purchased. Patton safely carried Virgil to the back of the store to the break room and laid him down carefully on the couch. He pulled some blankets out of the closet and covered him, tucking him in. As Patton fluffed the pillow, Virgil's eyes opened slowly and blinked as the man groaned.

"Where... am I?" Virgil asked, his voice scratchy. He blinked several times before his vision cleared. "Patton?"

"Yeah. How are you feeling?" Patton pulled a chair over to the couch and he sat down. He had so many more questions but he didn't want to overload Virgil too much.

Virgil shrugged. He leaned back and pushed his bangs out of his face. “How did I get here? What happened this morning?” Virgil said aloud. They weren’t really questions, mostly just confusion. “Wait, I think I remember waking up and realizing it had been like two days.”

“You slept for two whole days?” Patton said incredulously as his eyes widened. “Then when’s the last time you ate?”

Virgil didn’t make eye contact but murmured softly, “…donuts…”

Patton covered his mouth in surprise. “My goodness, Virgil, if you haven’t eaten since I gave you the donuts and you were outside this morning… it’s no wonder you lost consciousness.”

Patton bit his lip before turning to the kitchenette behind him. He stood up and walked over to the fridge, pulling out batter, eggs, bacon, and a random assortment of breakfast foods.

Within a few minutes, Patton had a fully cooked breakfast for himself and for Virgil. The boy was so small. He needed a nice, home-cooked meal. Patton turned to sew Virgil staring off into space and sat the plates down at the table before walking over to him. After standing in front of Virgil for a moment, Virgil finally looked up at him. Patton simply held his hand out and smiled. Virgil blinked and saw the same sight from the other day in his mind. The moment on the bridge when Patton offered his hand. Virgil took the hand before he realized it and Patton hoisted him up slowly. The baker guided him to the table, not letting go of his hand until Virgil had sat down.

“Do you like milk? Or maybe orange juice?” Patton asked.

“Um, what about apple juice?” Virgil asked sheepishly.

Patton grinned. “I gotcha, kiddo. No worries.” He winked and pulled a small container of apple juice from the fridge. He poured a glass and returned to the table with his own drink and Virgil’s.

As Virgil slowly ate, the food tasting so marvelous he wanted to savor each bite, he felt a sensation building up in his chest. It surrounded his heart, flowing down his arms and into his fingertips. Before he even realized it, he saw drips land on his napkin.

“Oh Virgil…” Patton said softly. “Are you okay?”

Virgil quickly wiped the tears away and continued to eat. “Mhmhmm… sorry.”

Patton shook his head. “No need to be sorry. Just eat up.” He reassured.

Virgil nodded and did as he was told. He couldn’t remember a meal more delicious in his life. Even though it had been made with relative ease, it seemed Patton had put all of his love for cooking into each dish. The eggs were perfectly scrambled and seasoned; bacon burned just a bit more than usual to add extra crunch; the pancakes a beautiful golden brown color and so fluffy. Virgil wasn’t sure if he deserved to eat such nice food, but he wasn’t going to go against Patton.

As the two finished up, Patton began talking about how he needed to open the bakery back up since he had closed it upon finding Virgil. Virgil opened his mouth to apologize but Patton shh-ed him immediately and began to clean up the table. Virgil bit his lip and followed suit. Together, they cleaned the dishes and the table. Virgil glanced up at the clock and it was just nearly 6am. Suddenly a yawn caught him off guard. How was it possible he was still tired?

“You should rest.” Patton chided, pushing him towards the couch. Virgil sat but Patton forced him to lay down. “Passing out isn’t normal so you should take better care of yourself.” Patton was right, of course. So Virgil covered himself in a blanket as Patton left the room. He turned off two rows of lights as he exited. “I’ll be back after we close up. Get some sleep, okay?” Patton’s voice was soft and calm. He smiled gently. Virgil was asleep again before the door closed.

Virgil awoke again to a soft, tapping sound. He peeked to see Patton typing on a calculator with one hand and writing something down with his left. Virgil scrunched his eyes closed tightly before stretching which caught Patton’s attention.

“Good afternoon.” Patton said warmly. “You must’ve been really exhausted to sleep as long as you did.”

Virgil shrugged as he sat up straight and glanced at the clock on the wall. 3:34pm. He turned back to see Patton still adding up something.

“Are you-” Virgil stopped, his voice scratchy. He cleared his throat as Patton giggled, holding an unopened bottle of water towards him. Virgil graciously took it and chugged half. “-already counting your business for the day?”

Patton mhmmed and took a drink of his own water. “Yeah, my bakery is only open for the morning hours. I have to have time to bake and such and most of my employees either can’t work in the afternoon or early morning because of school so I close a bit early to do some of the work myself. Then come back in the morning and do it all again.” He laughed at the last part, but to Virgil it sounded more like an exhausted sigh.

“Do you enjoy it?” Virgil asked. He stood up and sat back down at the table across from Patton.

“Of course.” Patton responded immediately. He dropped his pencil. “The problem isn’t that…” he met eyes with Virgil and smiled a closed eye smile. “I’m just very tired. That’s all.”

Virgil nodded, holding the water bottle in his hand. He squeezed it tightly and opened his mouth to say something but he was interrupted by a bell sound.

“PATTTTTTTTONNNNNNNN!”

A loud booming voice shouted loud enough to filter to the breakroom. Virgil turned to Patton with wide eyes while Patton only laughed.

“No worries, Virgil. It’s just my friend. His name’s Roman and he’s a bit of a big personality. But that’s why I love him.” Patton reassured with a smile.

Another bell tone sounded but no more shouting happened as a response.

“And that is probably Logan trailing behind Roman.” Patton informed. “They tend to both come here after work and classes respectively. I think you’d like them.” Patton looked at Virgil who looked like he’d seen a ghost. “Virgil? Are you okay?”

Virgil shook his head and stood up. His head went a bit mushy and he grabbed the chair for stability. Patton stood and rushed to Virgil’s side. “Virgil… you should really be careful. You’re still recovering.”

“I need you to help me see them.” Virgil insisted.

Patton raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Um sure okay. I didn’t think you’d actually want to but that’s great.” He put one arm around Virgil’s waist and the other holding Virgil’s hand. “Is this okay?”

Virgil nodded and the two walked out of the breakroom, down a small hallway, and finally through the door to the front desk and dining area.

Sitting at one of the tables were two men. One wore a gray beanie on his head and was dressed in pink and red. He was grinning with his head placed on interwoven fingers staring at the man across from him. The one who was being stared at was ignoring the starer, looking down at his book in his hand. His blue blazer was pressed perfectly and his face was contorted with annoyance.

“Patton! You have a new friend?” The red clad man, Roman, said. He turned to face them.

“Yup! I met him a couple of days ago at the Westward Bridge!” Patton said happily. “I gave him a couple of my favorite donuts and then he found my store here this morning. His name is-”

“Virgil.”

Virgil stared at the blue blazer man who spoke as he stood up. Their eyes met and Patton felt Virgil’s body tense up.

“L…” Virgil said softly.

“You two… know each other?” Roman questioned.

“Yes.” Logan responded firmly. “Roman, Patton: this is my brother, Virgil. The brother I thought disappeared off the face of the earth a few years back.”

A silence fell upon the room as Virgil and Logan awkwardly stared at each other.

Virgil sighed. There was going to be a lot of explaining to do.

#sanders sides #ts fanfiction #ts fanfic #moxiety #logince #brotherly analogical #platonic analogical #platonic royality

[eau-duresistance]

Funniest Scene in Banana Fish

is actually the scene where Ash agrees to work for Golzine and gives everything up in order to save Eiji.

Now, you must think “that scene isn’t funny at all! It’s heartbreaking!” And it is, you’re right. It’s one of the best scenes in the series because it’s a really cool display of character and I love it a lot. But it’s so funny to me bc Ash is basically like “Yeah whatever”.

Like, Yut-Lung, Golzine, and Blanca have all put time and money into arranging this, Yut-Lung especially. He is THE Drama Queen of the show and you just know that this bitch had a whole spiel planned, that he was willing to go through dramatic negotiations. 1000%, when he handed Ash the gun, he was planning to be like “oh you won’t shoot yourself for your dear Japanese pussy cat? Guess you must not really love him huehuehue” but NOPE. Ash is like “bet” and DOESN’T HESITATE TO PULL THE GODDAMN TRIGGER, AND THEN HE’S DISAPPOINTED THAT THERE’S NO BULLETS. And fucking Yut-Lung is there doing advanced calculus because Ash actually trying to shoot himself was not part of the fucking equation.

Then Blanca steps in and Yut-Lung continues with negotiations and gives him some godawful terms and he’s like “Yeah sure man”. And it’s so funny bc Yut-Lung is MAD. He’s PISSED. The great Ash Lynx is giving up everything he has worked so hard for, all for some twink he met like, six months ago.

And like, I get that it’s because Yut-Lung never learned to love or whatever, but it’s still so goddamn funny because he’s expecting a fight or at least intense negotiations and he’s prepared a whole file of gross threats to drop if Ash doesn’t go along. But nah, Ash is like “Oh I can’t die? Oh well guess I’ll die emotionally if my boyfriend lives ,you’ll have your shit tomorrow” and Yut-Lung is like bruh I spent a whole week in front of the mirror practicing my speech wtf

#banana fish #banana queue

[snarkandsarcasmftw]

tag games, ftw

I was tagged by both @rampagewriting and @heelsamizayn to answer this and it seems like a fun time and my brain’s being a bag of dicks rn, so whhhhy not... Here we go.

0) Name/Nickname? If ya wanna share it.

Ashley, AA, Snark - mostly on here. Oh and lil bit, but... family only.

1) If you could bring any two fictional characters (from books or film/tv) into the same world who would they be, what world would you put them in, and what would their relationship to each other be?

Uhhh... Uhhh... Okay, alright, hm... This is going to be an unconventional answer but.. I’d take Bucky and Cap and I’d drop them right into the middle of The Walking Dead. Hear me out.. They’re both military trained / enhanced superheroes and they can walk that line of having compassion and being totally ruthless if they must. I think it’d be neat. They’d be friends / psuedo brothers, of course.

2) If you could drop yourself into any fictional world from books or film/tv, which would it be?

Oh god, oh noooo.. Every part of the fifteen year old trapped within my old woman body is screaming at me to answer Harry Potter -cos magic.. But.. I’m going with The Walking Dead. Just for the simple fact that I could smack both Lori and Dale Horvath in the back of the fuckin head.

Alternately.. I’d really wanna hunt vampires with Edgar and Allen Frog, and the eighties were my shit, so.. That too.

3) What’s your spirit animal?

A cat or a raccoon. I have under eye circles, stay up late, eat only junk and I’ll bite if you take my food plus kinda chonky ( raccoon) and I like to take naps, I’m... adamant about cleaning / grooming plus, I like to sit around and give people side eye when they’re doing dumb shit. ( cat.)

4) What is the most unpopular opinion you hold?

NO. NOPE. NOT ANSWERING. ISSA TRAP.

Okay, since I obviously have to put something here, I’ll say it. And I’ll start with wrestling:

Seth Rollins is vastly overrated and I don’t get the whole.. Attraction to him. And the same goes for Cody Rhodes. Also, is it just me or are his fucking intros too long? Idk, maybe that’s me and my lack of patience. If you like either of these, sorry, continue to do you, but.. I’m not a fan and I honestly don’t particularly care about either and this is my own personal opinion. I’m allowed to have one. I’m not saying bad shit about either guy here, if you take it that way, it’s your own damn problem? I’m not telling you not to like them. I’m simply saying I do not.

As far as media goes : Fifty Shades of Gray is fucking dumb. I mean.. 10 page contract.. to get what has to be mediocre dick, at best? And it’s not even written with any regards to true BDSM concepts for the most part? Nah. I’ll pass. 

And now, for one about our current situation: I think the idiots who hoarded TP at the beginning of this should be allowed to return things.. Provided it’s unopened, they have a receipt, and they don’t see a fucking dime of the money they spent and that the money from the returns goes to masks / other methods of protection for front line workers or straight into the unemployment packages and the stimulus thing. Like literally, the hoarder gets nothing, people who need TP / sanitizer / etc get UNOPENED NEW PRODUCTS and the front line workers get the proceeds of the voided returns. We all win here. (I realize this probably cannot happen, but. It’s one way to kind of... help this current shit show we’re all trapped in.) 

5) How do you like to style your hair most often?

Uhh.. Down. I’m too goddamn lazy to be bothered.

6) I always love this overdone question - you’re allowed three books on a desert island, what do you bring? (Note: Survival Guides don’t count).

The Shining, The Dark Towers series - Stephen King, The Client - John Grisham and The Outsiders - S.E Hinton

7) Something new you’ve learned in quarantine/lockdown/corona times?

That no matter how hard I try, I cannot apply false lashes. That more than two noisy things going in the background is TOO MUCH. Oh and I’m pretty damn good at baking when I bother to try / don’t toss out the directions.

8) Favorite alcohol? (Or non-alcoholic beverage if you don’t drink!)

Haven’t drank in... a while-ish. But my favorite thing to drink when I do is vodka or tequila. Occasionally White Claw ( i know, i know.). Favorite non-alcoholic beverage is water lately.

9) Music you can’t stand? Music you love?

I’m gonna get torn the fuck apart for this but yolo.. I can’t get into K-Pop. I’ve tried. It’s just.. It’s up there with new pop for me. Older boy bands / pop stars? Not a problem. I just don’t like a lot of pop music and I can’t get into K-pop. If you like it, awesome. It’s just not for me personally. Beyond that? I love literally any other kind of music. I have a veeeery varied eclectic listening preference but my all time favorite? 80′s glam / pop or country.

10) Have a favorite herb?

FIRST OF ALL.. GARLIC.. yeah, it’s not a herb buuuut... yeah.. Anyway, for actual herbs..Basil, Rosemary and Sage.. Oh and cilantro. Cilantro will save your ass in a pinch. 

11) What kinds of cups/glasses/bottles do you prefer to drink out of?

My big tol cold cup. Or.. my stemless plastic wine glasses, of which I have apparently lost.

12) Preferred mode of communication: texts, phone calls, emails, letters?

Text or email. I’m not... fond of making calls, but I will if I have to. I prefer texts or email. Oh, I do enjoy writing letters now and then.

13) What is your favorite weather?

Not too hot, not too cold. Not too sunny but not overcast and gray either. A light breeze. NO POLLEN.

14) What kind of lighting do you like?

Softer lights, for the aesthetic.. Overhead lighting, so my blind ass can... yannow... see. If I had my way, I’d have candles and string lights every where though.

15) What is the best thing you cook?

Honestly, I feel like it’s my chili or my stew. Alternately, husband seems to ask for chicken / bacon / ranch pasta casserole a lot, so... Idk.. I guess pretty much anything (except fucking hamburger helper, i can NEVER get this shit right, despite directions, sacrifices to the culinary gods and pleas/promises of my first born. It always turns out icky so I never cook it.) 

16)  Do you have a favorite font to write in?

Handwriting or typewriter fonts for the most part. Roboto when I’m writing / editing my own fics and such.

17) What is something you’ve always wanted to write in a fic, but you’ve been too afraid to? Or, what is something that you were afraid to write, but then you did and it ended awesome?

Honestly, I’m scared to death to write smut. Which is why I’ve been trying to write more of it lately. I won’t say it’s going awesome ( I’m pretty sure some of you sit and read it when I post and are like what the fuck... this isn’t realistic and this is so bad.) but it’s going.

I’ve wanted to dip my toes into writing for more obscure fandoms too. Like ones that I personally enjoy. As far as something I’ve always wanted to write? Horror. But I’m scared to death I’d fuck it up.

18) If you were in your favorite fantasy world, what would your weapon of choice be?

A sword or a knife. Machete, maybe?

19) Is there a commonly used expression/saying that you can’t stand?

While I agree with the answers J and K put to this “It’s in God’s hands, etc” - sometimes things are GOD AWFUL. The last thing I want to hear is what the reason God had for doing it is. So don’t tell me. 

Triggered is a useful term.. if it’s used right. And I’m starting to realize that 95 percent of people DO NOT know the proper use. They think that being triggered =‘s a reason to bitch and tear someone apart over some miniature thing they’ve done. So now, when I hear it being misused, it fucking annoys me.

20) What is something that you would like people to know about you?

I’m a grumpy ball of rage. I’m petty as fuck and saltier than all the oceans combined in the right circumstances. But.. I can be a nice person and I love getting to know people and helping people or talking to them. Even if it’s hard for me to start it off bc I’m fucking awkward as fuck also - hence the reason it takes a while for me to actually... attempt... conversing with new people both IRL and on here.

I’m gonna leave this open to anyone who wants to do it bc Idk who has or hasn’t already and I don’t want to annoy people. 

This was a blast!

[tomioneer]

yyh rewatch number 11 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY KIDS NOW

been a few days bc I am BUSY AF irl, and I made it through the dr ichigaki fight--just barely without tears--by watching with a friend. now we’re at episode 35 and watch straight through to 42, and I can’t help but blog about it because HELLOOOO, NINJA BABES

guess who’s here

it’s jin and TOUYA BITCHES

kurama recognizes them, I wonder if he's actually fought them before

I remember that hiei and kuwabara both get taken out of the fight, but can’t recall if genkai does as well

what I figured out when my friend asked why koenma knows genkai’s younger face is that since she was on a mostly human team in the past, she was probably one of the special guests at the tournament? and thus a member of a team koenma technically owned 

it’s upsetting that toguro didn’t seem to recognize his EX GIRLFRIEND.

jin speaks so quickly I can hardly understand him

it’s like merida in the new wreck it ralph trailer, just.. irish

ps JERRY FUCKING JEWELL again, for those keeping track

I’m gonna go ahead and mark yusuke and jin down as a ship now before I lose control

also, jin and touya

ship count: 8/400

I should really make a list of whose’ who in that count lol

oh yeah, here’s the medical exam, I remember it

her hair is gorgeous I would marry him if she asked

WOW she doesn’t even take kuwabara just genkai and hiei

a barrier master

and she’s just

oh man she took her coat off and I melted

STOP ELECTROCUTING MY KID BABE

epilepsy warning for this whole arc

koenma you’re a jerk

jin decides to fuck off because he doesn’t like fixed fights, bless him, he’s a terrible shinobi

demon makeup cool. not cool? the FUCKING RACIST image in the back during the explanation. I SAW that feathered headdress, togashi!!

kurama isn’t BOTHERING to attack because he’s observing

and hiei tells us why kurama is going to be fucked

jin is so done with this subterfuge bullshit

the audience is eating this up and touya speaks at last, my love, my darling, my short spiky blue beautiful man

I would kill to be able to put on makeup that perfectly, that easily

I know how kurama finishes this fight, but my friend can’t remember. I love it, this is so good.

“with his hair??” she asks, shocked

“only an amateur depends on arms and legs for victory”--kurama, with a whip coming out of his hair

“How is he controlling that?”

“With his spirit energy?”

isn’t there more behind why this guy is trying os hard? they’re not being blackmailed are they

oh.

there’s more, the patterns--

fuuuuck

and of COURSE his reiki is sealed, and as long as he’s standing--goddamn

wait

touya fights an immobilized kurama?

I don’t remember that!!!! son of a BITCH

“how will yusuke’s shattered team survive” asks the narrator. “This is bad” says yusuke

this is not good

I hate that kurama seemed to observe that gama’s paint was made of blood but didn’t like. pay attention to it?

friend just punned: “Touya is a cool dude”

I’m screaming she hates puns

one of the black black club just asked sakya why he is sharing “Ass space” with demons. fucking. what.

why does the committee want yusuke so dead, when they invted him? I guess that’s the whole REASON they invited him, ugh.

genkai tries to be optimistic for the first time in this series, and kiei shuts her down immediately

ohhhh the shinobi just need attention so they keep getting jobs

koto freezes to death, it’s very sad

touya somehow thinks a theif can’t keep running.. and seems to be right

“running like a baby is perfectly brave if the odds are uneven enough”--Koenma’s words of wisdom

such an inspiring leader the spirit world has

doesn’t he smudge the seal withhis own blood HEY he does

I am remembering these things seconds before it comes into play

touya’s attacks are honestly amazing

koto is a bit twisted

kurama plants something in himself, and then that’s what holds him immobile for the next guy right?? the big one yusuke kills

why doesn’t touya know who he is??? I thought, if they called him a traitor, we could ASSUME they knoew who kurama was??

why was touya blishin’?

the ICE SWORD man oh man one of my old old old old mary sues had that attack

oh yeah there it is, the arm wound, he plants it in that

“son of a frickin bitch”--yusuke urameshi

Koenma: Why do I get the feeling our most intelligent fighter is about to do something incredibly stupid?

Kurama: Let me do what I must... *does something stupid*

touya decides they’re friends now, so he wants to kill kurama painlessly

is

is touya fucking DEAD

oh good he’s alive

but also it’s not good

oh but okay kurama won

three more then

I know kurama vs. bakken is terrible

kurama also thinks they’re friends

faint heartbeat

amazing

ah, bakken

I hate him

“a fighter standing in the ring cannot be removed agains this will. as will cannot be determined...”

hatred

hiei is ready to go to war for his man

how is that motherfucker even a shinobi

yikes that last shot of the ep is absolutely awful

yusuke promises the audience that of he goes, it will be with a bang. I remember more of a whimper when sensui kills him.

who is that last guy on team masho? I remember bakken, and it’s clearly jin, but the third one, I can’t remember

BAKKEN JUST BITCH SLAPPED KOTO

yusuke is my BOY

I love him

this “kill the traitor�� count is just. horrible

kuwabara is STILL out for the count

kick his ass baby boy

yusuke is my hero

why is uh. bakken sweating so much

mist made from his own uh. sweat. that’s pretty nasty

yusuke: I hate saunas.

I don’t remember this fight taking even this long???

yusuke has such great eyelashes

boy is already so like. pumped to fight jin. 

yusuke just used eighth grade science”you can get on your hands an knees and start begging.and maybe, just maybe, I’ll listen.”--yusuke urameshi

KILL HIM YUSUKE 

he’s ready to commmit murder and it’s amazing

jin didn’t even flinch

“That’s a pretty good fight”

kurama’s gorgeous and also awake

he’s making plant jokes and I hate it

I STILL DONT REMEMBER THIS RISHO BITCH

look how great these kids are. 

I DID remember about ruka’s barrier thing healing hiei

no way jin can’t fight first if he does how does yusuke fight him SECOND????

“If I win my whole team’s screwed and if I lose I have to fight again.”

jin is amazing. seriously. also, can these boys get married please?

you know I’m a multi shipper right 

well that was a fun match, sad it’s over

jin is just

such a happy guy I love it

they call them brothers but really the chu thing is much closer to that

“ass space” bbc guy now claims to pull the tournament committee by his the “ass hairs”

so quick!!

kuwabara seems insistent on the fact that he is “spiritually aware” in situations where he lacks that talent to actually observe

yusuke lands exactly one punch and jin floats up to let the impact wear off

“Hey, I needed that!” says yusuke when his spirit gun is deflected by jins wind 

jin thinks he’s very funny

he’s right

why is boan lashing out at kuwabara, when she’s supposed to be TREATING HIM

somehow Jin with his irish accent--or rather, Jerry fucking jewell  with his irish accent--isn’t triggering at all lmao. maybe because this is how I prefer him

yusuke’s hero eyes, at it again

how many reigun shots does yusuke have left?

jin’s so good at fights I love him so much

“something always comes ot me at the end” say yusuke about his battle stretegy

hiei

genkai, sarcastic: you truly havbe a way with women, hiei

JIN IS HUMMING LOVE HIM

yusuke plans to try the spirit wave, somehow forgetting his shotgun move???

shizuru once again knows exactly what’s up

bless the kuwabara family sixth sense

it’s so weird how genkai is speaking in third person

have I mentioned how much I love Jin’s eyes? 

yusuke call shimself a freak because he enjoys fighting

okay we’re back to who the fuck risho is???

if jin’s the official captain---

oh my god I just screamed when risho revealed himself and dropped my laptop holy shit

like a gut punching, throat-tearing godawful scream. 

“IT’S YOU!!!”

oh my god I don’t reember anyting about him other than earth and rocks and how much I HATE HIM

does he fight kuwabara? yukina just showed up trying to get in to see the tournament, does she heal kuwabara for this fight?

touya comes up. does risho attack him? that would explain why I hate him

yusuke defends koto, who he doesn’t like

hiei

i love

these two children are so angry

lkjlkjdasdflkjsadfkhjsdfasdf;lkjsadf

shizuru finds yukina and recognizes her from watchign that video, bless her

girls helpin’ girls

kuwabara was never technically ruled ineligible to fight, and I hate life

ginger son, don’t do it

he is so goddamn fucking helplessly sacrificial

yukina, go inside and heal your goddamn boyfriend

yukina is looking for her brother, oh SHOCK

shizuru intimadates an entire crowd of demons

her legs oh my god

just wait kuwbara, your girl with healing powers will be there soon

kuwabara is doing his best

keiko gets hit on by a bouncer and murders him

shizuru once again takes out a demon

can kuwabara shizuru marry kino makoto please???

risho is a dick

koto is clearly a sado-masochist

hiei GET OUT OF THERE

ruka is just like. a fetish indulgence of the artists. I know she’s hot but how long are they going to draw this out? 

koto: I’m goign to take the ocunt now, so everybody make sure to tell me how I’m doing it wrong, okay?

savage

START the DOUNT KOTO, he’s OUT of the ring

shizuru WRECK THEM

oh yukina has ptsd flashbacks when she runs into toguro

sakyo lets shizuru escape bless her

kuwabara prepares to sacrifice his ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE and becomes telpathic?? bless

kuwabara can’t imagine what to say to yusuke, who means so much to him, goddamnit

yukina is in the stadium, babies

YOU’VE GOT TO BELIIIIIIIIIIIIEVE IN THE POWER OF LOOOOVE

IT GIVE MEANING TO EACH MOMENT

IT’S WHAT OUR HEARTS ARE ALL MADE OF (just look inside)

oh my god

amazing

“That’s my girlfriend!”--Kuwabara Kazuma, aged fourteen

yusuke is astounded by his boy

koto isn’t counting either of them

SPIRIT SWORD

GET IN THE RING 

damn kuwabara

I can’t beleive he did it that’ s an highly unlikely triumph

hiei

“She’s... really here.”

Kuwabara bonds with yukina while keikpo and keiko FINALLY talk

KILL HIM BABY GIRL

pls get married

t;dr I would marry shizuru in a heartbeat if I didn’t know she was meant for sailor jupiter

shoutout to @batmares!!! thank you ever so much for joining me today for the Urameshi vs. Ninja arc of the dark tournament saga!

#yyh #yyh rewatch #jin #touya #genkai #hiei #kurama #kuwabara kazuma #team masho #team mashotsukai #gama #angst #dark tournament arc #dark tournament saga