#i miss him a normal amount i don't even think about him anymore he never crosses my mind it's like he never existed i don't even remember

[leosxrealm]

ᴅʀᴀʙʙʟᴇꜱ ꜰᴛ. ʀɪɴ ɪᴛᴏꜱʜɪ ᴀɴᴅ ʜʏᴏᴍᴀ ᴄʜɪɢɪʀɪ

pairing(s): Rin Itoshi x reader, Hyoma Chigiri x reader

warning(s): fluff, jealous rin? jealous rin! nothing in chigiri’s part

a/n: i wrote this with male! reader in mind but no pronouns were used so it can be read as gn! reader. also tall! reader

Rin Itoshi

"Rinnnieee," you whined out his name, "i'm sorry Rinnie." all you heard from the boy in front of you was a scoff. "go away. your boyfriend must be missing you," he grumbled. you pouted at his words. during lunch, your seatmate had dragged you with him to finish the chemistry project that was due earlier today. he was a bit of a worrywart who wanted to make sure everything was perfect. anything low would not be tolerated. and now your actual boyfriend was being petty because he lost a whole 28 minutes with you. 28 minutes that you could have spent with him! it was honestly adorable seeing your boyfriend get jealous over some random dude from school. you would never admit that though; because you know that Rin wouldn't talk to you for a whole week after that or a month. yeah, your boyfriend was petty like that. and now on the walk home, he was walking ahead of you, ignoring your whole being. you tugged on the strap of his backpack, pulling him back. hugging him from behind, you pulled him as closer to you as possible. resting you head on top of his, you mumbled, "i'll make it up to you, yeah? how about we go to my house and watch your favorite movies? we can cuddle and then i'll make you ochazuke and you can stay the night? hm? how does that sound?" you asked, still nuzzling your face into his hair. he quickly looked around, before escaping from your grip. "okay okay. let's go already," he had already started walking towards your house, not even looking back to see if you were coming or not. you know your boyfriend hates pda, and normally you respect his wishes, but you couldn't just let him ignore you like that anymore. you deserve some attention too alright! he may not have stopped for you, but he didn't miss the happy "okay" you shouted before running up to catch up with him.

Hyoma Chigiri

it was friday, a day you both loved and (kinda) hated. it was your weekly skincare night, a concept your lovely boyfriend had introduced you to. you loved spending time with your boyfriend but you also thought doing thousands of things to keep your skin healthy was a hassle. you had never learned to take care of your body or your face like that. when Hyoma found out you washed your face with a bar of soap, he gave you the stinkiest side eye you had ever received. ever since then, he would force you to do skincare with him. you didn’t really think it was necessary; you were doing just fine before this, weren't you? but it quickly became something the two of you bonded over. you even found yourself looking forward to it. you were applying the green paste, with a weird smell, on Hyoma's face. he was perched up on the bathroom counter, with you standing in between his legs. after carefully applying the mask, making sure it didn’t go into his eyes or in his hair, you nodded at your work. you passed the container to Hyoma, for him to apply it to your face now. he scooped out a decent amount and started applying it to your face with his fingers, evenly smoothing it out. you started to lean into his hand, when he pulled your ear with his clean hand to make you stop leaning. "stand straight, will you?" he asked you with slight irritation in his voice. after a few seconds, he booped your nose softly, indicating that he had finished applying the mask to your face. you leaned in, giving him a quick peck on the lips, your green clay mask-covered noses bumping together. he pushed you away gently, "it's just there for 20 minutes, alright?" you looked up at him with a soft frown on your face. he just wanted to pinch your cheeks, you looked so adorable, with a bright baby blue headband pushing your hair back, and a green paste covering your face. "if you don't ruin the mask, i'll give you kisses as reward, okay?" he tried to bargain with you. you give a happy nod before hooking your hands under his thighs to lift him up. he instinctively wrapped his legs around your waist, as you carried him to the living room to re-watch your favorite series, closing the bathroom light on the way.

#blue lock x reader #blue lock x male reader #itoshi rin x reader #chigiri x reader #bllk fluff #chigiri hyoma x reader #rin itoshi x reader #bllk x reader #itoshi rin x male reader #rin itoshi x male reader #chigiri hyoma x male reader #chigiri x male reader #hyoma x reader #hyoma chigiri #hyoma chigiri x reader #leosxrealm #leo's works

[yuusishi]

As much as I love Malleus and Lilia, I still hate what they did at the Halloween event. And then when Ace says at them for showing absolutely no remorse (they admitted they had overdone it, but Lilia still said "next time we'll be more careful") My requests: Reader gives those back at school a nasty snap for it at Diasomnia. Why couldn't the two normally ask for a party instead of doing something like that. Reader also tells Lilia that he should have stopped Malleus first instead of helping. That they just completely exaggerated. At the end, Reader says that they are very disappointed in the two of them. How do the two react?

Halloween’s Consequences

pairings: Malleus Draconia , Lilia Vanrouge x gn!Reader

genre: angst ? not really

cws/tws: ooc Lilia? (first time writing him)

a/n: This took me an unholy amount of time to do because I did NOT know how to write for Lilia, especially for something like this 😭

You watched everyone go back to their own dorms after finally getting to return to NRC, the only ones you stopped are the two fae responsible for all of this

"Don't even think about getting away after all that" your voice was stern and was evidently angry.

The two looked at you and was slightly shocked to see you genuinely angry for the first time, your eyebrows furrowed even more at the sight of both of their faces

"I'll start with you Malleus..."

Malleus Draconia !!

You gave him a big sigh as you held your forehead on your hand

You were just so disappointed in both of them

"Malleus, I understand that you sympathize with the ghosts for missing the big party we had here in NRC, but kidnapping students and putting the rest of them in danger is not the right thing to do!" you yelled.

Lilia attempted to calm you down but Malleus stopped him, Malleus's face had an expression of understanding and even shame in himself

"You could've brought the ghosts over to Diasomnia or even my dorm to have your own party for them for Seven's sake! It won't be comparable to the Halloween parade we had but it's better than what both of you did".

Malleus stayed silent the entire time you were giving him an earful, taking in everything you said for future reference while Lilia stared at both of you, helpless that he was letting his Young Master be scolded like this, especially because of him egging Malleus on.

"Child of Man, I was not aware that everyone would react that way towards the ghosts, I...I give my most sincere apologies towards you and the students of Night Raven College"

You sighed once again, unsure whether to accept the apology or not

"You don't need to apologize to me, Malleus, especially since I was safe the entire time. You need to apologize to everyone else for putting them in danger, that goes for you too, Lilia" your head snapped to face Lilia once you mentioned his name

"Now it's your turn..."

Lilia Vanrouge !!

Lilia readied himself for what's to come, your face still visibly angry despite taking 10 minutes to talk to Malleus

"Lilia, your job is to take care of Malleus and help him, and usually I respect you for that, but not in this situation!" you yelled, arms crossed in front of your chest.

Another one that keeps silent, maybe this is where Malleus got it from, he kept his head up and back straight but never really looking at you in the eye, it almost makes him look like he's spacing out

"Did you really think kidnapping students would be better than just sending them a simple invitation? You could've just told them that they were going to have an escape room as a party game in the Spectral Realm"

You didn't have the energy to be angry anymore, you were sounding more exhausted than anything

"As the vice dorm leader of Diasomnia, I admit that this was a large oversight of mine, Malleus and I shall take full responsibility for this.

But as Lilia Vanrouge, I'm sorry that the ghosts attacked your friends, like what Malleus said, we didn't expect your friends' reactions towards them. If there's anything we can do to compensate for it, we're up to it"

You sighed "Look, I'm not looking to punish you guys or anything, I'm just...incredibly disappointed and even a little shocked that you both thought this was a good idea".

——

Looking at the two with tired eyes, you continued "Tomorrow morning, I expect both of you to have apologized to all the students you dragged to the Spectral Realm".

After finishing you turned and left, too exhausted from the events of the last few hours (or days) to listen to what the two have to say.

Lilia and Malleus stood there unmoving, none attempting to catch up to you and defend themselves fully knowing that this was just the consequences of their actions catching up to them.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #disney twisted wonderland #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #malleus x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #lilia x reader

[lizzy-theshyone]

About that night

a/n: I wrote this little piece of... I don't what this is? But I hope you enjoy it :3 None of this canon! I do think that there could be something going between those two, but I'm not sure about it. They do feel like a married couple tho.

Pairing: Beelzebub x Bael

summary: Feeling a little emotional during his work, Bael gets a little emotional about that one night he spent with Beelzebub before the King of Avisos left.

CW: Implied Sex, smoking cigarettes

Word count: 944 words

An endless amount of documents piled up on the desk, leaving Bael exhausted from all the work he is doing. With a sigh he pushed the sunglasses up again, as he already lost count of often he did it before. He straightened his back before he stared at his reflection in the window in front of him. It was already dark outside, as usual, since he never really took a break in the first place. Waking up with his head on the desk, occasionally drooling on the papers, was normal for the Substitute King of Avisos. He had to take care of the work Beelzebub left behind.

Bael flinched at the thought of his best friend, wondering when he decided to check on him for the last time. He didn’t care anymore if it was once a month or four times a year, he simply wanted him to take care of his responsibilities as the King of Avisos. He wanted him to be back by his side, though he would never confess the latter. He shared a deep bond with Beelzebub, they were best friends, they looked rather similar and were turned on by the same things.

“Get your ass back here, Beel…”

Letting his head fall on the desk, a groan escaped him. He was so exhausted, pissed and sad. Exhausted from all the paperwork. Pissed at Beelzebub for being everywhere but not where he should be. And sad because he missed him more than Bael wanted to admit.

And before he knew it, he threw his sunglasses against the next wall, causing them to shatter. Anger was always the source for this kind of outburst, but this time it was a different kind of anger. Usually he was mad at the shit Beelzebub did but this time he was mad at himself. Mad that he couldn’t make his best friend stay, mad that he was feeling the way he did even though he should have known better, mad that he even allowed himself to develop those feelings. He got lost thinking back to that particular night millenia ago.

“I want you to take care of Avisos… I’ll be gone for quite some time and I know that you’re capable of taking over the responsibility…”

Beelzebub’s words echoed through the dark bedroom as he lit up a cigarette to take a drag. He leaned back against the headboard of the bed, staring out of the window at the bright city lights that were the only light source to illuminate the room.

Bael’s jaw clenched as he heard the words of the one next to him, he turned to look at the other one, trying to figure out if he was serious. But with the king’s face turned towards the window and away from him, it was hard to read his facial expression. There was a knot forming in his throat that was impossible to swallow. He felt like his heart has been ripped out of his chest, or at least a piece of it. But then again, neither Beel nor him were able to lie, which made that knot in his throat even tighter.

“But you’re coming back, right?” he asked, his voice hoarse at the thought of his best friend he knew for who knows how long. Trying to tell himself that he imagined the tears rolling down his cheek, he shook his head as an attempt to deny what he just heard. But he knew he couldn’t stop him.

The sudden silence between them was killing him on the inside. From a questionable hookup to an uncomfortable silence that he couldn’t bare, Bael turned around again to turn away from Beelzebub, feeling irritated and hurt.

“Why?”

He could feel the other one shifting in his position as if he sat up properly but he didn’t give him an answer. The silence weighed heavy on Bael as he bit his tongue, swallowing down his anger but the knot in his throat remained.

“You wouldn’t understand… Or maybe you do… I don’t know…”

The sound of the cigarette being dragged away was clearly audible as the silence surrounded them again. Bael pulled the blanket up, trying to ignore the lingering fear of Beelzebub leaving him with a burden he wasn’t sure he could carry.

“Bael… look at me, please.”

There was a slight pause before Bael sat up as well and looked at Beelzebub. He noticed the frown on his best friend’s face, but his eyes widened as the one next to him cupped his face and wiped his tears away.

“The last thing I want, is for you to be sad and cry. You are my best friend, my other half… I don’t want to see you like this.”

The words of his King surprised him a little but the kiss that came after those words caught him off guard. They have kissed that night before, did even more than just kissing each other, something best friends actually wouldn’t do. Something only lovers did, but they weren’t lovers. They were friends, best friends. Bael felt like the lines of their relationship towards each other were blurry, he wasn’t sure anymore what they were. All he knew was that what they did, felt right.

“Good night, Bael. My friend, my other self…see you soon…”

Bael snapped out of the memories from that night and shook his head, wiping the tears away that ran down his cheek. It hurt and there was nothing he could do about it. The only one who could make it stop, was the one who caused him the pain.

“When you return… we need to talk about that night…”

#what in hell is bad #what in “hell” is bad? #whb #whb beelzebub #whb bael #whb fanfic #whb beelzebub x bael #kinda proof read? #fanfic

[bladesmercy]

001 for sfkr and clerith!

oomf u know me so well. thank you for letting me yap >:-)

001 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

sefikura 🐍♡☁️

when I started shipping it if I did:

there's actually a funny story to this one. > be me. > guilelessly playing kingdom hearts 2 in 2019. > "what the hell is these dudes' deal. i wonder if people ship them at all" > open ao3 thinking there might be a handful of fics > "oh there's a couple more than a few, huh" > life ruined.

my thoughts:

my favorite little guys in anything ever. they surgically removed my personality to make room for more sefikura. truly i have never loved a ship as much as this one. literal otp of all time.

What makes me happy about them:

everything? they're so funny and silly to me. extremely pathetic creatures. two absolute losers. i think of them and i always smile. i love the fact that each of them have independently made their personality revolve around each other at different points in time, it's so funny.

What makes me sad about them:

EVERYTHING. the fact they will never have a happy ending. the fact they will be enemies in every (canon) universe. the fact they are two extremely broken people who are uniquely equipped to understand each other and that won't be enough to save them.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

tbh i'm so picky with what i like and don't like about how both these guys often end up characterized, but i also think all interpretations are valuable in their own way. i can't think of any huge annoyances, except that i have very Specific feelings/headcanons about sephiroth in crisis core era, and usually won't read things that veer too far away from that.

things I look for in fanfic:

i love any and all fics where the author makes it obvious that sephiroth is just. completely besotted. and i think cloud feeds off of that, even if he won't admit it. i'll read just about anything with these two, but i especially love stories where authors can articulate the crux of their dysfunction really well. yes, these two have have immense amounts of hate, and blood, and pain between them, but (especially on sephiroth's end) there is also an Intense desire for intimacy, of any kind. these two things juxtaposed well is just magical to me.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

no one. i say that as a joke but it's pretty much true. for cloud i do also ship him hardcore with aerith (somewhat against my own will XD), but outside of that i don't really multiship these two anymore. i used to be a Hardcore multishipper, and while i still appreciate things like some polyshipping (other cleriseph enjoyers where are you, i need food of that ot3 so bad), i honestly can't enjoy the thought of them being with anyone else. i miss being a multishipper, because these days pretty much every single other ship with them (outside of clerith) has become a notp for me. ;w;

My happily ever after for them:

in canon? haha. the closest i could see them in canon ffvii (and the closest i think part 3 of remake would get to giving them a 'happy' ending) is having a moment of resolution similar to what kuja and zidane get in ffix. i would be satisfied with that for canon. BUT if we're taking all the stops off, i want to see the dramatic epic pining slowburn post-AC where they eventually figure out how to lead semi-normal lives alongside each other. this is making me want to write that now....maybe that will be my next fic project.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

there's an obvious answer here with consideration to builds and hair lengths, i think. i like to think cloud has accepted his fate to have this 7 foot tall piece of brick clinging to him like an octopus.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

this is another obvious one, and i'm tempted to say 'fighting', but i'm not sure that clears the bar of non-sexual for them. my second choice is that i think they would just genuinely enjoy being around each other in silence. they're both such introverts, and i like to think of them just recharging quietly with each other.

clerith ☁️♡🌎

when I started shipping it if I did:

let me preface this by saying that when remake came out in 2020, i had less than zero interest in vii's infamous love triangle. i wanted no piece of it in my heart or my home. then the game came out and cloud and aerith gripped me by the throat and violently dragged me into falling in love with them by being so damn charming and heartfelt and perfect for each other.

my thoughts:

i love these two so damn much. i really Really loved them in remake, and rebirth intensified this to a level i could Not have anticipated and is currently ruining my life. i love them. i love that they are soulmates, romantic, platonic, or something in-between. i love that their bond and chemistry is near-instantaneous, i love that cloud blooms into letting himself experience softness around her, i love that aerith finally has someone who cares about making her happy and standing by her so damn much.

What makes me happy about them:

so much. their love is so pure and tentative. their vibes to me run parallel to how i see and experience the early 20s as a queer person, essentially the second teenage-hood where you're still feeling yourself out as a person, and you have no idea what you're doing. you feel like you're missing out on a lot of the fundamental experiences that 'normal' people have already had, and i feel like both cloud and aerith mirror that emotion, thanks to the fucked up circumstances of both their lives. aerith is cloud's first real friend after nibelheim (and potentially ever, depending on how close you think he was with zack. to me, i hc cloud and zack were pretty friendly, but not especially close prior to the nibelheim incident.) and cloud is also one of aerith's first friends. they've both suffered such acute loneliness and isolation in their lives, and the fact they find healing for that in each other is so so special to me. the fact that aerith is the person most able to reach through to the person cloud Really is, even under everything he's got going on, makes me so deranged.

What makes me sad about them:

well. there is a very obvious answer. so there is definitely That. that's kind of a big deal.

things done in fanfic that annoys me:

honestly i feel like i don't have many specific fanfic annoyances in general, because if a fic annoys me i just stop reading it, and then my adhd makes me forget i read it to begin with.

things I look for in fanfic:

i really love everything with these two, i love all the cute fluff happy ever afters they don't get to have in canon, but i also love the angst and the drama and the trauma. usually i just gravitate towards any fics that i feel understands the characters well or has interesting ideas, the exact plot or type of scenario is less important to me.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: 

in my heart, cloud's endgame ship is always sephiroth. as for aerith, i'm also a Huge zerith shipper (yes i am in constant emotional pain, how did you know), but aeriseph also firmly has a place in my heart.

My happily ever after for them:

any. any of them. i want the most tooth-rotting fluffy ending for these two. (admittedly, their iconic tragedy is a part of why i love them so bad. without it, my emotional investment would be Nowhere near as high.) i've been reading a lot of wedding/alternate future fics with these two lately and they all make me ;w;

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

i genuinely think it goes both ways, but if i had to say i think cloud is doomed to be a little spoon in any lifetime.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

oooh tough one!! i think aerith would love teaching cloud to garden....though i'm not sure he would be any good at it. but i have faith in him to learn.

#asks #FFVII #sefikura #clerith

[sourbinnie]

title -> hits different genre -> angsty angst pair -> ot8! skz/ateez x gn!reader plot -> when love is a lie and your friends don't know what to do anymore to get you by. warnings -> alcohol consumption + cursing a/n: yeah,,,, i had to ok THIS IS SO LONG ALSO IM SORRY

i washed my hands of us at the club you made a mess of me i pictured you with other girls in love then threw up on the street

remembering felix came in different shades & colors. it brought me back to reality that i was already thinking of him and the night didn't even start. washing my hands to wash the memories of us seemed to be doing no effect in my brain and the easiest way to forget was to consume alcohol until i couldn't stop. it wasn't healthy, it wasn't easy and it certainly wasn't what i wanted but my friends dragged me out every time like my life depended of how well and how much i could handle in the dancefloor of another god awful sweaty club.

here i was once again thinking of late nights with felix where we would stay in bed, where i would think of him and not feel pain. i would just be in a pure bliss and love moment. now it's just dark & twisted, gut wrenching and heartbreaking memories and that's all i held onto. i could picture with any of the girls/guys here and he would be happier, even if every part of me hated me for doing so. maybe he was in love with someone else all along and couldn't tell me, and i would have to live in the reality that he wasn't mine for me to love.

like waiting for a bus that never shows you just start walking on they say that if it's right, you know each bar plays our song nothing has ever felt so wrong

oh god the song that started playing. i could not imagine a worse scenario than going out and hearing it on the street. it came from a dusty bar but it still ringed in my ears as i picked up the pace to go somewhere else. it was a habit of mine to make playlists for hongjoong. he would listen to them to calm down when he was nervous, to when he was busy at work and needed music to keep him company or when he missed me. maybe he was doing that right now.

no, he wouldn't have broken up with me if he missed me. he wouldn't have muttered those words at me if he was gonna regret it now when all he was radiating was confidence that night. as the tears made it's way down my cheeks just because a song could get me that way. this wasn't any normal break up, this was the person who i felt was the love of my life drifting away from me in the cruelest way possible. so here i was sitting on the pavement, waiting for everything to just stop for a moment and for my thoughts to drift far away from him.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i knew they were all lying to me, everyone here was in a happy relationship except me. i used to be part of the happy crew though, i used to smile in every photo and send them to changbin. he was my motivation to keep going and my strength to feel better about myself. now without him, i only know the saddest of beats due to the amount of time i take to listen to playlists that only make me wanna cry. i'll never get what crossed his mind for him to break up with me.

we weren't the perfect couple, we had our disagreements but we clicked. like two pieces in a puzzle we somehow found our way to each other and we settled. moving in together, adopting a pet, introducing each other to our families, it all went by so fast and i didn't appreciate enough when i had it. now i was missing the most common of things as i looked at the engagement rings on my friends' hands. maybe that could have been us but in this life, it looks like not.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

what had me hooked on to san? literally everything. the way he was careful around me, the way he sang me to sleep and the way he just simply knew me like the back of his hand. that's the way i wanted things to be forever. it somehow drifted to him not knowing me at all and acting so cold & distant. i missed my sannie, i missed him so fucking much. it was like i needed him to continue 'cause i knew he was the one i wanted to marry all along, that dream guy you chase after like it's a fairytale.

but life was no fairytales and as i looked outside in the window in my room, the rain seemed unstoppable like the wave of tears that invaded me. he was the one, i knew he was the one. yet if he was the one, he would've stayed and we would've never fought in the first place, he wouldn't have changed his ways and his habits. i never was the biggest fan of physical contact but nowadays i crave his clinginess, his hugs, his kisses, him calling me prince/princess. i just missed him.

i used to switch out these kens, i'd just ghost rip the band-aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw freedom felt like summer then on the coast now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

i hated dating, it was a fact at this point. you date someone to fall in love and get your heart broken like an idiot? no thanks, i would rather not. but i made an exception for him, for minho. thinking that maybe i would settle down forever & ever, not having to worry about a damn thing because i had found the one. it was a lie, it all was fake as fuck as he left me stranded in the cold and i tried to chase him down but it was useless. it was no lie that he was cold hearted when he was mad but this exceeded my expectations.

going on vacations to forget the one you loved wasn't the best idea either. it's like everywhere i looked, i saw him staring right at me with that mischievous look of his. i wanted to run to him again, to have him in my arms and just simply enjoy the fucking moment. why did he have to play me like this? like some kind of twisted game where he came out victorious and i stood there like a loser in the board. tracing figures in the sand, i had never felt more pathetic and lonelier than ever.

and i never don't cry at the bar yeah, my sadness is contagious i slur your name till someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations

it was like a song repeating itself the way i said his name, i could not stop and feel embarrassed because i went through every stage of the breakup. first i was angry, then i was sad and miserable and now i just felt numb. numb because yunho left and i had no idea how the fuck to move on from mr. perfect guy to being single forever and ever. i didn't want anyone else and everybody knew that. still people tried to get me to go to dates, clubs, events and i just had the worst time of my life as i acted ridiculous once again.

is this what it felt like to get your heart shattered completely? is what i thought when he muttered the words "break up". yeah no wonder i cried myself to sleep every night and nobody wanted me near them, i had been torn apart like it was the easiest thing to do. i looked out the window from the taxi cab and remembered the day he took me home from the club because i was too drunk. he looked at me with that smile of his and i just knew, everything was gonna be alright. back then... maybe not so much now.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different it hits different this time

i laid in my bed staring at the ceiling as i thought about us. incoming calls were going and then disappearing from my phone. i didn't have the strength to talk to anyone as i processed what just happened between us. the space that he occupied felt so cold suddenly. i knew people wanted to cheer me up, saying he was just like every other guy and i deserved better. i truly wanted to think that too but seungmin wasn't like anyone i have ever met before. he was so kind hearted and so love driven that it pained me to believe that we got to this point.

i had to hold on to remembering the good times because there wouldn't be any new memories to write about. there would be no cooking together, hugging at the airport or spending late nights with the boys as we laughed at the smallest of things. there would just be an emptiness that i would have to fill with something so i could move on from this hell. the hell being the constant repeat of love and kindness he offered me and i had to throw away because maybe i just don't deserve to be loved.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

how many times will i have to go through this again? break ups aren't easy. this one in particular left me with the worst bitter taste in my mouth as i looked back at photographs hanging around my apartment. it crushed my soul and spirit knowing that i would never see him smile that wide again. that my last memory of mingi is gonna be this heated and stupid fight, that started over a small detail but finished with a loud bang in my heart as he broke up with me and left the apartment.

packing his things was the most difficult part yet. i had to send them to the dorm and hope i did not forget anything because facing him again would actually kill me on sight. so i packed the sweaters that i used so much, the old headphones i gifted to him and the small promise ring he bought for our anniversary. it was a petty thing to do but i felt like he deserved to have it, it was his money and his promise after all. receiving will probably be a punch in the face but i didn't care, he deserved to know how i felt too.

i find the artifacts, cried over a hat cursed the space that i needed i trace the evidence, make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding?

in my mind it all made more sense. i knew it wasn't easy to break up with someone, so he found an excuse to do so and because he was too kind to let me down, he chose his words carefully and just decided to finish it. it wasn't the coldest of breakups, but it was the one that made the least sense. why would hyunjin tell me that he loved me so much to then break up with me in the weirdest way possible. i just wanted an explanation and not to be greeted by his voicemail once again.

i wanted to get rid of his stuff so bad but i couldn't find the force to send it all to him or burn it like they did in movies. it was embarrassing how much i was holding on to nothing, how much i wanted for him to come back and tell me it was just a cruel and mean spirited joke. i would forgive him right away, i think that's the most pathetic part about me. even if he hurts me over & over again, i would still be looking for the answers and hoping he would return home.

you were the one that I loved don't need another metaphor, it's simple enough a wrinkle in time like the crease by your eyes this is why they shouldn't kill off the main guy

it was easy to say that you loved someone. for example, i loved jongho, he made my days better, made me weak to the knees when i saw him, made me wish i was up to his standards every day. it looked like he wished his standards were higher as well because he left me. okay this is my drunk brain speaking but it just didn't make any fucking sense how you are loved one day, ditched the other and then you see your ex with someone else not too long after that. i just wanted it all to be a nightmare.

i wanted to curse, to scream, to leave it all unsaid. i chose to be silent and observe, writing him letters i will never send and hoping the future treats me in a kinder way. i was never one to confront the situation and make it known that i deserved better, i just knew that i did. it just wasn't easy to watch it all unwind so fast when i had barely even moved on. maybe jongho just wasn't meant for me to love, for me to have and for me to cherish. maybe he really wasn't that great after all and just maybe... he would be happier without me

dreams of your hair and your stare and sense of belief in the good in the world, you once believed in me and i felt you and I held you for a while bet i could still melt your world argumentative, antithetical, dream girl

it was so stupid to still think of him. i laughed to myself as i looked around an empty apartment, i was finally leaving it after all this time. he wanted me to stay because he had the dorms anyways but i couldn't do it, not even for us. it was just too painful to be greeted by the memories chan and i made every single day. i was still gonna be alone but i would be in better company than i was here, that's for sure. i looked around and it felt like a dream, it used to be my dream home at one point.

suddenly again i was still seeing the boxes with our stuff on it, we didn't have a couch or a tv for such a long time. we didn't care though, we could talk all day about anything and we were just fine with that. cuddling on the floor with a blanket and falling asleep like that. it would sound dreadful to anyone but i think for me, it was the best experience i could ask for in a relationship. just the way he held me and made me feel alive every day, i was hoping i could carry the good out of this.

i heard your key turn in the door down the hallway is that your key in the door? is it okay? Is it you? or have they come to take me away?

i was definitely hallucinating as i heard a key jingling at the door. then i realized that i had a new neighbor and i was just being insane like always. there wasn't a day that passed that i didn't wish yeosang would come back. it felt like an eternity since he left and it felt even worse knowing that he was probably having the time of his life without me while i suffered here like an idiot. i knew it was crazy behavior to lock yourself up in your apartment and think that you can do this on your own.

i couldn't do it even if i tried to. i kept thinking about him and i when we first met, the shyness that i fell so hard for turning into something else. i could not place my finger around it but it was like my sangie just disappeared and was nowhere to be found. he truly was mesmerizing to look at, maybe it got too much to his head? or maybe i just simply wasn't enough for him. it hurt to know that you gave it all for a relationship that for a few months had been one sided all along and it kept going on until it exploded yet you still hope for him to come back.

oh my, love is a lie shit my friends say to get me by it hits different It hits different this time

i said "no" so many times at this point, i was getting repetitive. it felt like i was living in a hallucination, a reality i never once wished for or never saw coming in the first place. maybe i was being dramatic but jeongin was the light that i was always looking for. so bright and so cheerful, it made me want to cry as i thought of him stupid smile. the way he couldn't talk around me because he got nervous but he still made the effort to ask me out, it was cute back then but now it just broke my heart.

the fact that i could not forget at all the way i hurt him and the way he hurt me. my friends said that it was stupid for us to break up and his friends insisted that we should talk, neither of us made a move. then it moved to "well you're better off without them" phase and i think both of us truly believed it. we saw each other again at the club and it looked like none of us had slept in forever but we kept our pride up and did not say a single word to one another. the fact that it could have been a second try, kills me every night.

catastrophic blues moving on was always easy for me to do it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

there was no way wooyoung was gonna get out of my mind. every day i tried, date after date, drink after drink and thrill after thrill. nothing seemed to work, all my methods for break ups were not working and i was losing my mind. it's like he was right there all along, mocking me like he used to but not in a cute way. he knew i could not do it without him and he was right, i hated him so much for being right when he said the words "good luck without me!".

crystal tears dropping to my glass as i reminisce of what could have been a great love. i just wanted the best for us and of course i had to say the words ”break up” for him to take seriously. he always had an attitude and dealt with things in the moment or he didn't want to deal with them at all. i couldn't handle him yet i wanted him so bad and he was the only i wanted all along. i just felt stuck in a place where i didn't belong and that was me without him, hoping he would think of me and give me a call someday.

(oh my, love is a lie) (shit my friends say to get me by) ('cause it's you)

i was done playing games, i was running in the rain. i knew it wasn't the most sane behavior i ever showed but i could not be stopped. all the memories came flowing back and i just needed to get them out of the way. i needed to move as fast before it was too late. i was invaded by guilt as i thought of doing this when he had already moved on but i needed to think of the good chances first and then of what i would do if all the opportunities for us to get back were gone.

i stood there in front of the door that i knew so much. knocked on it so many times, been received by every boy who lives there yet there was only one in my mind as i knocked again. i knew this was the time where he got home. so i waited and waited in the dreadful silence outside while i heard some mumbling words on the inside. hoping to see him brought effect as i was greeted by him looking better than ever and me soaked from the cold pouring rain.

"(y/n)?" jisung said and I could only smile.

oh how much i missed you.

(catastrophic blues) (moving on was always easy for me to do) it hits different it hits different 'cause it's you

sitting down for a chat wasn't easy. especially not with your ex boyfriend but i had to give it one last try as i looked at him while he tried to look anywhere else but me. the quiet was going to actually kill me but i stayed strong as i had said everything i wanted to say and was honest with my feelings like i was taught to. i never moved on, i could never do that when seonghwa was my first real relationship.

"why did it take you so long?" he asked.

"because... i wasn't sure how you would feel about me being back in your life."

that's what i said and it was like he was analyzing every word as he grabbed my hands and sighed. i was expecting the worst of the worst, to have traveled so far for nothing, to have to come back "home" with a broken heart yet...

"it's all i ever wanted."

#sourbinnie #skz imagines #ateez imagines #skz drabbles #ateez drabbles #ateez x reader #skz x reader #skz angst #ateez angst #skz scenarios #ateez scenarios #stray kids drabbles #stray kids imagines #ateez x you #skz x you #skz x gn reader #ateez x gn reader

[safetycar-restart]

What if Charles over hears you ranting about something/ someone over the phone and he thinks you’re talking about him and then he’s all sad and deeply into this floaty/subby headspace thinking you don’t want him anymore and then after a while of him literally walking on eggshells around you, you find out and make him feel all better !! Because subby!Charles deserves the best.

You guys know that I'm always up for torturing Charles, so this is perfect I love it.

Maybe you're ranting about a friend who wont leave you alone and wants so much energy from you? Charles misses the part of the conversation where you say the friend's name, so he assumes you're complaining about him, about how he's always following you around and texting you and needing attention.

But you would never, EVER, say that about your subby boy. Charles can be as needy as he wants. Always.

In fact, a big part of why you're annoyed with this friend wanting so much of your time is because you want that time to go to Charles. No one else deserves the amount of time that Charles gets. Charles is your top priority and you dont want to be distracted by someone else.

Except Charles doesnt know that, so he thinks he's the problem.

And his little heart just breaks, because he thought you loved how needy he was? He thought you enjoyed looking after him and hearing about his day and giving him cuddles and forehead kisses.

Were you... were you lying? Do you not want him anymore?

He falls into this sad, subby headspace, curling up on the bed crying softly. He thinks that you must just be pretending to like him, that you want him gone, that you're going to kick him out soon. He curls himself around your pillow, wanting so badly to go find you for cuddles and reassurance but being far too scared that that will only make you upset with him.

He doesnt know what to do. Normally when he feels like this he goes straight to you, trusting you to take care of him, but now he's feeling this because you dont want to take care of him.

That's you find him, crying in the bed and hugging your pillow.

You have no idea what's happened, but your sweet boy is crying in bed so something must be very wrong. You get into bed with him, pulling him into your chest and trying your best to calm him down.

He hugs you tight, thankful for the comfort even though he doesnt know if you actually want to give it or not.

When you ask him what's wrong, he just sniffles and ask you if you want him to be less needy. You frown, beyond confused by that question because you always make sure to praise him every time he expresses his needs.

You try to comfort him, telling him that you would never be upset with him for being needy and that you love taking care of him.

Except he doesnt tell you that he overheard you? So you don't realise he thinks you lied to him.

So he tries his best to not be needy over the nest few days. You're so confused, because usually he's always coming to you for affection and comfort.

Until one day you confront him and then he admits that he overheard you. Maybe he even begs you to give him another chance? Promises that he can manage to be less needy.

Your heart breaks when you realise that Charles has been feeling this for days, that he genuinely thought you would complain to a friend about him being too needy.

When you tell him it was about someone else, that you would NEVER ever say something like that about him, that actually you wanted this one friend to give you some space because you didnt want to be distracted from looking after your good boy.

He starts crying again when he hears that, but this time from relief? It's almost overwhelming how relieved he is. He couldn't handle the thought that his dom didnt like how much attention he needs.

He's extra clingy for the next few days, looking for extra reassurance and praise.

(And also he wants the name and address of the friend who was overwhelming you so that he can hunt them for sport because no one, and I mean NO ONE, gets to be needy with you but him)

#sub!charles #soft soft vibes #gn!reader #cl

[jlemonster]

[Image Description: an ao3 light mode screenshot of a short paragraph and eight dialog lines, that reads "The way he says it, Crowley knows immediately that it’s a false name. Oh, the man is good, she can’t argue with that. He’s been at this for a while. But she has, too, longer than this human could ever dream of, and she knows how untruth sits in the mouth. Cozzetti balances it well on his tongue. It warms her to him.

“I am Miss Ashtoreth.”

Cozzetti tips his head to the side. “I have to say, I’m happy to hear you’re a miss.”

“And who says that means anything to you?” Crowley says it coolly, but she extends her hand. Cozzetti raises it to his lips with a flourish. It’s rather compelling.

Crowley flags down the bartender. “A beer for me, please, and another one for this gentleman.”

“Do you have a first name, Miss Ashtoreth?”

“Ashtoreth is the name that matters. Encantada de conocerte.”

“You sound cute in Spanish.”

Crowley grunts. “It has been a long time since any man called me cute, Señor Cozzetti.”

“Do you object?” ".

End ID.]

"every morning the same big and little words all spelling out desire" by marveling_under_an_open_sky (@two-hands-toward-the-sun)*

is a banger fic and you should give it a look even if you don't know shit about Los Simuladores and Emilio Ravenna.

*+ juli beta reader

Here are some of my favorite fragments:

"and she knows how untruth sits in the mouth." is alone such a tactile line; it itself gives such tangible weight, reminder to the audience of the silver-tongued nature of any words coming from these two.

▪︎

""Ay, Dios. ¿Qué te hicieron a vos?”

“¿Cuánto tiempo tienes?” Crowley laughs. (...)

Cozzetti rests his elbow against the bar and gazes at her. “Todo el tiempo que quieras.” "

I'm just twirling my hair in spanish at this point. i have two hands and a passion for slutty little waists and you cannot hold me accountable for this.

▪︎

"Crowley finishes telling an anecdote about a director that leaves Cozzetti in stitches, and she downs the last of her beer with a grin. Conversation lulls between them. Cozzetti considers her, chin balanced on the back of his hand, laughter still lurking in his eyes and the corners of his mouth. It’s this crooked, delighted little twist of the lips that makes Crowley ask abruptly, “Are you staying at this hotel?” " now, from somebody that's fixated on Peretti (Ravenna's actor)'s little flirty and dorky gestures every time fae's watched El Colaborador Foráneo -& other instances where he gets drunk and acts fruity as hell- a maybe not normal amount, these details here are SO evocative and bring such nice images back. For this paragraph my only comment is: fag approved. Peretti chapame.

▪︎

"Balancing untruth, as it turns out, is far from the only thing Cozzetti’s tongue can do." no iba a comentar en la parte horny pero aguante Ravenna Good At Cunnilingus headcanon xoxo.

▪︎

"Cozzetti obeys, slumping down onto his back; the grin plastered across his face is so outrageously smug that it should come with a warning sticker." it should

▪︎

"“Plotting.” Cozzetti exhales a plume of smoke and stares down at the cigarette cocked between his fingers. “Scheming. Having a nightmare about it all going wrong.” " ,.,, marido,,, ☭NUESTRO marido☭. No but seriously this line makes my chest ache. Santos' nightmares..... i hope there's a "i woke up from a nightmare again, can i sleep with you" fic somewhere for these fags.

▪︎

"Slowly, Cozzetti lowers himself back into the pillows, never taking his eyes off of her. She hadn’t expected that, either. Actual concern. She knows humans, she’s been with many humans; she has seen the better part of everything and very little about them can outright surprise her anymore but—apparently—she can still feel stung by their kindnesses." what was that one quote? how heavy this human-ness? idk. that.

▪︎

im not gonna spoil the fic's last line, because i think its so well executed i refuse to take away any of the inertia it cultivated so well. but let it be said: it plunged a fist into my guts and i thanked it for it.

▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎■▪︎

NOW a mini rant-review:

que placer leer una pieza tan claramente escrita por alguien bilingüe, el cambio del inglés al español en diálogo se siente tan nuestro, en vez de tener esa textura alien del latinismo pre-fabricado.

la caracterización personalmente me pareció hecha con cariño y cuidado, lo cual aprecio muchísimo porque no hay mejor cosa en un fic que leer las micro-expresiones que uno por su cuenta nota en pantalla. (sobbing) that's my little guy and their shit-eating grin etc etc

extrañaba a estos personajes y la verdad no esperaba reencontrarnos de esta forma, pero honestamente me encantó- un pairing que no se me había cruzado por la cabeza pero que funcionaría 100% en el canon.

also aguante she/her crowley. ahora falta she/her ravenna-

#los simuladores #good omens #art i want to put in my mouth #los simuladores fanfic #emilio ravenna #crowley #Nanny Ashtoreth #old men polycule time #dio mio que buen fic ÑAM #im not gonna proof read this #im going to bed #xoxo

[frecklystars]

Hey keri!! I don't want you to worry about people thinking you're faking anything and stuff like that - what you're doing and how you're approaching it is completely normal and healthy, everything you've said about the shades of pink in that post makes a lot of sense! people know that recovery isn't a straight line, but more wiggly with ups and downs, and you're such a sincere and nice person that I really don't think anyone is going to be whisper whisper about you making it up for attention or stuff like that - especially when the way you present and talk and vent about it is so different to how someone "doing it for views/attention" would be - but honestly I think a lot of people and I really understand the fear of this and the worry, but I think you should feel reassured that nohody is going to be thinking that. Recovery is complex and multifaceted and we understand, and we're all so proud of how well you're doing!! Sorry if this is a bit rambly or doesn't make sense, I find it hard to get thoughts into words sometimes. We're all rooting for you ✨💕🌻

HI YELLOW THANK YOU!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

I appreciate you writing this all out for me! And dw it all makes PERFECT sense to me, you are wonderful at phrasing things and also I love you <3

I want to believe it's true, that people can use their braincells if they see me posting a picture of my self insert wearing my favorite pink shirt, and think to themselves "oh wow look, Keri is working on healing, good for her!!!" but I've gotten some confused messages where people are like "why would you make your S/I wear a pink shirt if pink is a trigger? why are you reblogging pictures of Starscream if looking at him is a trigger?" and it's just so hard to have to explain myself over and over and over, that I'm 5 months into the healing process, that Starscream isn't a trigger anymore so much as he is someone I am heavily grieving now, that damn I love pink sooo much and I don't want it to be a trigger anymore, I genuinely want to heal and that means I'm going to have to put in the work!!! I am going to have to look at these things and allow these feelings to wash over me, to reassure myself that I am in control. I do this in my therapy appointments, I do this when I know I'm feeling stable enough to look at these things, and on my horrible days when I can't look at them whatsoever then I just simply don't.

But nowadays when I'm starting to feel myself improve even just the smallest bit, I start to get scared that ppl aren't going to try to understand me no matter how many times I explain how healing from PTSD works. I've been through a lot the last 9 months, I was completely alone with ppl who were convincing me that my feelings weren't valid, so naturally when I come back online I assume ppl are going to think my feelings on reclaiming my own triggers at my own pace won't be valid either...

...and me saying that,,, might be silly, considering all the support I've gotten in such a short amount of time,,,,, I shouldn't stress about an incredibly miniscule amount of people who could potentially tell me that I'm "faking it". but I still get so so anxious, it's been SO LONG since I've talked to people again, people who are actually healthy for me to be around, I'm not used to people understanding me or hearing me out, I'm still so scared that I'll turn around and somebody I trust is going to stab me in the back. Nobody has reason to do this, I just,,, I'm so used to it, I endured it for almost a year, so I'm always on guard now ready for someone to plunge that knife into my back when I least expect it. I never used to get anxious abt things like this but I am such a different person now than I was before I left, I feel like my biggest parts of me are missing :( but I am hoping that healing from my trauma little by little by reclaiming the things that were lost to me are going to help me find myself again.

Thank you for telling me that this is a normal part of healing, bc I feel kind of out of my mind and going thru this process is so rough. It's so hard waking up and immediately getting flashbacks, and having other days where I wake up and I'm immediately super cautious, so tense that my chest will hurt, because I know the flashbacks could start at any point and I have to be "ready" for it. Having anxiety 24/7 is!! wild!!! and I keep going up and down when I'm healing and it makes me feel weird, it makes me feel like I am going crazy and that I'm "doing this wrong". I know healing isn't linear, like rationally I think deep down I am aware of it at least, but omg I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster over here. I've never had PTSD with multiple triggers and I've never actually had to experiment with reclaiming said triggers. I'm scared of people perceiving me when I'm in such a bad state, judging my every move and deciding whether or not my healing is valid or if I'm doing this "correctly". It's probably silly for me to think these things but it's been really eating at me for the past few days.

But I'm rereading your message a few more times rn and trying to really let it sink in, especially when you say I'm a nice/sincere person ;-; thank you. Most people know me by now, I have been online for a longass time, I truly hope people know I'm genuine and I would never "fake something for attention", especially when it involves my comfort characters, like... this is literally the worst thing to ever happen to me, I couldn't fake this if I tried lmao;;;

Thank you for sending me a reassuring message, I appreciate it <3

#yellowpoet #asks #keepsake #also im so glad that you thought my post made sense 😭🙏💛 #i rly rly rly hope that most ppl have the same mindset that you do #i just know the reading comprehension on this hellsite is like... nonexistent fjhgfdksfhg #and ive already gotten some confused messages. and theyre innocently confused #but it just scares me bc theres so many Evil People out there who might try to put me down for all of this #and I am just. I'm doing so bad. I want to heal but I don't know if I'm 'allowed' to #bc people expect me to heal at a certain pace #like. I do not want to spend years being scared of these 10 or 20 things #especially a color that is so!! love-coded!!! one of my main fave colors!! #me trying to reclaim it is something I couldn't have done 5 months ago #but nobody saw me 5 months ago bc I was offline for so long. nobody has seen me at my Worst #so I'm scared that ppl will assume I'm 'healing too fast' #I've only been back for one week but my healing process is reaching 6 months very soon #idk if anything i said just made sense bc i jumped everywhere lmao??? #anyway. ANYWAY. yellow i love you SO MUCH you cannot fathom how much I love you #I thought about you a few times when I was gone I thought about a lot of mutuals #and like you're one of my favorite blogs/mutuals and I care abt you so much. so thank you for sending me this

[fxllen-rxse]

//The frustration is so real.... Here comes a work vent... If it's not you're thing, just ignore. I'll delete later, but I'm desperately needing to get this off my chest.

I've never been so utterly frustrated with work.

We have a young clerk that we hired back a little over a year ago. She's 21 now, has a one year old and is dealing with the kid's father, who is younger and cheated on her. So he's not really in the picture, so to speak. She lives with her mom right now.

She worked here when she was in school, but when c/vid hit, the owner "furloughed" her and someone else. Both ended up quitting. She was hired back when we had someone else quit last year since she was already somewhat trained.

Was fine at first, but her attitude towards others, we have learned, isn't the best. We've had mentions that she has been rude and at least 1 customer literally said that she has the personality of a tree. She has also been "written up" once or twice before.

She is currently less than part time so she can keep her state health insurance.

I've given her the benefit of the doubt, of course. Maybe it's just being blown out of proportion, but as time went on, she's become more and more flaky and undependable. Almost every pay period since she's been back she has missed a day a two. Either due to her kid or herself constantly being sick, which I get. It happens, but it's become such a regular thing anymore. Sometimes she'll also say she has some kind of emergency and is very vague about details and when or if she will be at work, which gives us little time to get coverage for her, if any. One time she was supposed to cover for someone on Saturday, but the day of, she was suddenly sick. This has happened on more than one occasion.

When she does mark herself off, she tends to either forget to tell anyone or just assumes it's fine. For example, a couple days prior, she half heartedly mentions that she won't be in on a Monday because it's her son's first birthday and it's special. Mondays are normally busy and she didn't even mark it down.

On top of this, she is supposed to take 30 minute lunch breaks. She marks herself down for such, but spends an additional 20 or so in the restroom afterwards. It might as well be an hour, but it's clearly not marked that way. Let alone the fact that she just randomly disappears in the middle of stuff for the same amount of time without saying anything multiple times per day.

So recently, several of us has voiced our frustrations with her. My husband, who is mostly in charge of the scheduling, talked with the owner, who already isn't fond of her because she has a nose ring, among other things. Supposedly he just wanted to fire her, but they're going with another approach. Getting fazed out, in a way. She will get her hours cut starting next week when school is out and two of our other employees can actually show up and work.

My husband informed her of this last Wednesday, after she somehow suddenly became sick and wanted to leave at 3. Afterwards, she left upset, and later texts him asking if she were to "accept" these new hours, which would be 3-6 m-f (because she doesn't want to work Saturdays, which is just 9-1), if she could get a raise...

When I was told about this, I couldn't wrap my head around it.... So she wanted more money for less work?!! And the fact that she assumed it was a choice?? I'm just.... I don't....

I have worked here for more than ten years and I don't think I've ever dealt with this amount of stress with another clerk. I am also a clerk. I am full time and, anymore, I feel like I'm babysitter when she's here just to make sure she isn't rude with people.

Maybe this is selfish of me. I'm older than she is, obviously. I have no kids and don't plan on having any, but as someone who doesn't and has had to work since I was 18, lost 2 parents at 20, and moved out shortly after to get away from my abusive step mother, I've been fortunate enough to work my way up to this point where my husband and I are stable with money and stuff and still have some luxuries sometimes. It wasn’t easy by any means.

And to some extent, I have some of my mom's leftover life insurance money to thank for a few things, but aside from that, neither of us were never just handed anything. We both have had to work our asses for this.

I will admit, her situation sucks all around. We have at least one tech who is against the idea of cutting her hours. He told my husband that it's "evil" and she's just a kid.

Maybe I am selfish. I have no kids and I don't know what it's like, but it's increasingly difficult for me to feel sorry for someone who's work ethic is almost nonexistent and just thinks she can get away with being paid more for doing as little as possible. Let alone made some poor life choices. I hate that I have think of it this way and I feel terrible, but I'm just frustrated to no end anymore.

#ooc || Zorra Lynn speaks #delete later #//huge vent #//abuse mention #//I feel so selfish for all this...

[sleepyowlwrites]

find the word tag CCCXIII

I had wanted to get a little more writing done before overnights started, but it's not going to happen. the next two weeks are going to be very interesting. today, my sister was telling my dad that she's worked at her job for 90 days now, and that's a nebulous amount of time. 3 months is real, 90 days isn't. my dad goes "quarter of a year" and I pause in my video gaming to be like "woah that's weird." @spacetimewraithwrites

blind (the sleepy stash, 2020)

“Past mistakes are in the past. By doing nothing you are not making amends. Perhaps you've acknowledged a mistake but there is no atonement in silence. You let your affections blind you to a truth, and it had grave consequences. Now it there are new consequences that will also be grave if no actions are taken by those that can prevent them."

raw (dirt in the doing)

“I don’t want to be quiet anymore,” Hawk had said, the words so raw that Jet had been unable to look him in the eye. “If you’re trying to make a difference, I want to do it with you.”

Jet still doesn’t like Hawk, but he knows it’s nothing to do with principles, but rather with his own failings. He feel inadequate, like nothing he does matters, even to the people he begrudgingly cares about, but Hawk manages to find a strange amount of joy in even the smallest acts of cheating the system in favor of the lower end of the food chain. Jet wishes he could find such easy fulfillment.

Even the fights that bring him an adrenaline rush and string him out to the edges of his being aren’t a substitute for personal life satisfaction. Jet doesn’t know what he’s missing.

page (heartbeat, 2021)

There had been twelve explosions in total, each one nearer than the last, so that instead of the sound gradually moving farther away from him, it had only increased in volume and weight as it continued, like a large tidal wave about to sweep him away into its depths.

Liu Sang is shaking, his pencil tip boring holes in the paper of his notebook. He gathers himself and refocuses, only for his hand to waver so badly he ends up drawing on everything but the page. The panic is entirely too familiar at this point, almost mundane in its occurrence, except for the fact that it still seizes his entire being and shatters all his confidences and strength as if this were the first time. He grips the pencil hard enough to whiten his fingers and makes it move across the paper in mostly orderly lines. Liu Sang doesn’t really see them. He trusts in his skills to make it make sense.

By the time the last of the dust and dirt has settled and the sound in the air has dissipated while still ringing in his ears, Liu Sang has a smudged but clear map of the tunnels under the ground beneath him and he can breathe. His lip is bleeding, but he’s used to biting it while his heart hammers.

fair (the name was: family, 2020)

"Sage." Bellamy's voice was low, almost whispered. "You know what I did."

She knew that was a question, "what had she done?" and she fought with how to answer. He didn't need to know, but she felt he deserved it. His crime was known to her. It was only fair. "You were willing to kill to get on the dropship," she said quietly, watching his eyes watch hers. "I was too."

Bellamy didn't move, didn't speak, but his expression suddenly softened, like her admitting to the same crime had just lifted a huge weight off his shoulders. She thought it might have.

"Tomorrow," Bellamy's voice was rough, "I'll tell the kids you'll be resuming teaching them. Okay?"

The last word seemed to be asking a lot more of her than just things going back to normal. Still, "Okay," was all she said in return.

official (meta-portal bs)

so they're are all at Jacob's house in the woods, because of course they are, the losers who get lost, and Jacob makes them a nice dinner. Kevin says "I kinda thought you guys would like, be a little more hostile to an assassin" and Jacob's like, "I don't think you qualify, sweetie" and Kevin's like "yeah I was never supposed to amount to much" and Sunwoo's like "I mean, we could look at this as failure, or we could look at this like congrats, you went against the system. don't let 'em get you down" and Eric says "as your prince I officially pardon you for having no intention of taking my life" and Kevin says "thanks and I'm sorry your kingdom is being taken over by evil Chanhee" and Eric is like "Chanhee? that witch who looks like an angel? he's evil?" and Jacob is getting a headache and tell Eric to eat his peas

strange, superior, stern, same. BONUS: scarce, steam. @spacetimewraithwrites @souliloquyyy @softestruler @stuffaboutwriting @stardustspiral @sleepy-night-child

#find the word tag #searching circle #alliteration agency

[theglitchywriterboi]

Too much

A story by me !!! [TheGlitchyWriterBoi || Sparrow-Aiden]

MAJOR CW FOR: Food anxiety, poor relationships w/ food, body image issues, disordered eating/eating disorder [maybe ? Like idk exactly what this'd be classed under but if either of those are triggering to you I wouldn't read to be safe]. This was very much a vent story !!!

Also I wrote this really fast & really early in the morning so there's LOADS of typos & shit.

& again - vent story, sorry if it's messy. [& sorry if I missed any CW]. ANYWAY ON TO THE STORY !!!

It was a brisk winter afternoon, & the classroom sat excitedly as they waited for the teacher to come back into the room. It was the Friday before winter break & since the class met their homework goal, their teacher, Ms. Kay, promised them a class potluck. She was grabbing her contribution from the staff lounge, other kids had brought stuff ranging from cupcakes to pizza to chips to a good amount of homemade dishes.

Vic sat excitedly with the rest of the class. His family didn't really cook, so he had brought in a packet of cookies & a bag of doritos, which sat on the table with everyone else's contributions. His teacher came back into the room, placing her dish onto the table, before quickly explaining rules to them [use the tongs/spoons not hands to grab stuff, don't push, etc etc] before releasing them to get their choice of food. She didn't release them one table at a time like Vic expected, but it wasn't an issue for the class. He was about to get up along with everyone else, when something stopped him. Something in the back of his mind told him not to grab food, which he really wanted to. You can't, the voice in his head said.

'Why not' he asked the voice. The voice was in his head, so it very well knew he was hungry. You're not allowed it said back. 'Not allowed?' Vic asked back 'but everyone's eating & Ms. Kay explicitly told the class everyone's allowed to participate ?' Ms. Kay was really nice. She'd never exclude a student, even the kids that were particularly fond of misbehaving [though the class loved her, so the misbehaving in her class was far less extreme than others].

The rules changed, it said. It didn't make sense to Vic, but now his stomach filled with anxiety. Maybe the rules did change & he didn't know? Maybe everyone would… He tried to calm himself. That didn't make any sense. 'She would've told me' he said to the voice. 

Fine. Eat if you'd like, everyone will judge you though, it said back. Vic anxiously looked around. Everyone was grabbing their food or talking with their respective friends. No one was looking at him, but… What if they did? 'Why… Why would they judge me? Everyone's eating. Its normal & okay' he argued back.

Because it's disgusting when you do it. You know you look gross eating & weigh too much, it said back. He tried to tell himself that wasn't true, but the voice was too loud. He knew he wasn't the biggest kid in class - not that there's anything wrong with being big/fat, it's just that he knew the voice was lying. But at the same time, what if people felt differently about him compared to everyone else? They all had friends, whereas he was alone. Maybe he'd get judged because they simply didn't like him.

The voice consumed his brain, until he couldn't argue with it anymore. He sat in uncomfortable misery waiting for the bell while everyone enjoyed their free period. No one looked at him, he knew that. But he couldn't shake the feeling they were silently judging him. He knew they weren't. He also knew on the off chance they were it was a reflection of them not him. But knowing all that didn't make him feel any better.

He had skipped lunch that day too. He had lunch after that period, but his brain kept telling him people would still judge him, so he sat in the hall like usual waiting for his next class. He knew it was illogical, everyone eats & it was a time designed for people to eat, so no one would judge him. But he felt sick even thinking about approaching the cafeteria.

Once he was home, he began making something to eat. He opted for a big plate of chili cheese fries, which yes was very unhealthy he knew, but hey - it was filling & he hadn't eaten since 4AM. Plus, his family didn't have the best selection of healthy foods anyway, so it's not like he had a plethora of options. He heard footsteps entering the kitchen causing his body to tense up.

"What are you making?" His mom asked.

"Um just some chili cheese fries… But don't worry, this is all I'm having & I haven't eaten since this morning" he explained, justifying his choice in dinner.

"It better be…" his mother replied, before grabbing whatever she came into the kitchen for. He never understood that. He hated having to justify What he ate. No one really taught him how to be healthy & the one time he asked to learn how to cook vegan food [which he knew wasn't inherently healthy as there's plenty of vegan junk food] he was told no. Why did they buy him ingredients they judged him for using…

Once his food was done he went to his room. The fries were good, but he still felt guilty eating them. 

He just wished he could stop eating forever. He knew he couldn't & wouldn't but he felt guilty eating anything. Like he shouldn't be allowed to. He knew he wasn't horribly unhealthy or at a concerning size, but he still felt he should stop. Why couldn't he stop.

Most of the things he thinks about himself he would never think about anyone else. Why was it different? He got a shirt he loved, & he was super excited to get it, but when it got there it… Wasn't right. Don't get it twisted, it fit perfectly & was beautiful, but on him it just looked… Bad. It fit perfectly, highlighting every single one of his imperfections, how huge he viewed his body… He didn't wanna wear it again. Or at least - not until he was at a point where he loved his body. Which sucked cause that shirt was expensive & he was excited to wear it.

Why couldn't he love himself like others did? He knew for a lot of people it was a journey, but why couldn't he pop out of the womb loving himself instead of hating himself? He doesn't remember a time when he truly felt happy in his skin. In fact even in kindergarten he was sobbing at the thought of picture day because he was too embarrassed of his smile.

Why was he such a mess… Such a… Broken person. How do you even fix something that was born broken?

#writeblr #writer #writers #writing #writing community

[6afurah]

On the future

So today ismail's vinyl came in. I'm going to hop over to amcorp on the weekends to see if i can find a good turntable for cheap. I think it'll be a nice gift ( also i kinda want one for myself and im sure he'll let me use it too lol ) The vinyl i got him even comes with a poster i am 100% he'll love it.

But on the topic of his birthday next week,

it's really got me thinking a bunch,

I honestly know he loves me and all that. Without a doubt, in terms of love u know. but i don't know, something feels off, aside from the love thing. could just be me being idk you know paranoid me. Yesterday we discussed about what music we wanna make, and started a playlist for it too.

he's really great, i honestly just feel less alone with this person because we love and want the same things, i've honestly never felt that way about anyone before like that, ive loved other people but i dont think ive really felt what it is im feeling for ismail.

i don't know, maybe it was just the whole marriage thing, He was supposed to marry salma and she's getting engaged, He also met someone else after me, but it didnt work out bcs apparently something something tak sama vision la entah aku pun tak tahu lmfao

I guess it just

annoys me i'm not a girlfriend yet, and even when i am a girlfriend,

why do i get the feeling that this person has no want to marry me at all. He probably doesnt, and i guess it makes sense since we're only on good terms now, 3/4 months

but we've known eachother for a while now, this all doesn't bother me that much to be honest, its just upsetting how my parents don't like him anymore n his parents dont even know i exist

like it all just got thrown out, it feels good writing this down i guess. I dont feel like talking to him about it bcs tbh If he wants to do something about us or make it proper, he has his chance to do so, I'll give him time but honestly, I hate how if someone came along and offered something more concrete that i'd consider it. i love him like on god, dont get me wrong, and tbh i probably wouldnt even budge if someone else wanted me, but i think I just want to be a part of his life again and vice versa, not some weird secret where it's just the two of us.

Whatever, thinking about this just makes me angry.

my birthday happened a few days back, being 22 is not relieving at all. I always feel relief when i get older but now it's just replaced with this weird sense of dread tbh

i missed therapy roday i totally forgot about it. also my left eye hurts and idk why but maybe i need to take a break on the whole eyelash extension thing kejap lololol

if it still feels weird ill get them removed.

i also feel like taking a break from social media, no particular reason, i think its just a thing i feel from time to time.

working at an office i realize, you're just sort of

waiting for stuff to happen most of the time and it gets really boring.

oh i also gained so much weight, like 8 kg idk how i did that but i'm hoping to lose the weight soon. I'm on a calorie deficit right now, but its sort of hard to be consistent since i eat out with people and not eating a normal amount kinda weird people out and i kinda dont wanna weird people out u know???

I wonder when gjie is going to come back to office,

i really suck at scripting radio ads lololol Idk its surprisingly kinda hard to do, and i think its because i dont know how to make something not too formal and not too casual.

I wish my radio station was a little more relaxed. Maybe one day, i'll make my own radio station. Idk its just a funny idea, but it would be cool i think. Just me and myself.

I dont think anyone would listen to it though,

i like to think i'm interesting as a person

but i think i'm not so great nowadays, i'm not as interesting as i thought i was. I also kind of miss my long hair. Its nice having less weight on your hair but , I miss the comfort of long hair, just made me feel protected

[mickeyapologist]

watching a mickey-less show and this man has his smile and teeth it’s whatever i hope he dies

#i genuinely don't know what to tell you i'm at a loss of words me and you both #i miss him a normal amount i don't even think about him anymore he never crosses my mind it's like he never existed i don't even remember #who i was talking about just now #ENOUGHHHHHH iive been watching this scene for like an hour because i keep pausing and going back they look the same. #edit he died

[mrsnegan]

I love your fics. They are so awesome. You are an amazing writer. The way you write Negan. Hot damn!!

I was just wondering if it would be possible to have a part 2 of the prison negan x reader one.

That was hooooottt! Now I need her to get the keys or Negan gets out and instead of leaving he decides “nope I need to screw my ray of sunshine for real 😂”.

[Thank you so much for your praise! 🥰 I'm always so happy about feedback like this. And of course, it was my pleasure to write another part as I also enjoyed writing the first one. 💛]

Warnings: smut, dirty talk, oral sex (f and m receiving), rough sex, fluff

Part 1

Two weeks passed. Two weeks in which you couldn't visit Negan the way you wanted to. Two weeks which consisted of lustful looks and gestures too innocent for your taste. You wanted to be alone with him again, to be near him, without the damn bars. It was torture of sorts, you could also see it in his gaze whenever you brought him his meals. But time was cut short for the both of you, no night shifts or other duties for you to sneak down to Negan.

Being horny was an understatement by the thirteenth day, the amount of times you had touched yourself to your blurry memory of getting yourself off in front of him, his seed running down your fingers after he came in your hand, it was madness. Never before did you lust after a man so obsessively, it wasn't even funny anymore. And morally ambiguous, since Negan was still a prisoner, someone who was hated by most of Alexandria's people.

Sighing, you cleaned your plate, letting it dry next to the sink. It was already dark outside, the weather an unpleasant mix of rain and wind. Too cold outside to enjoy a nice glass of wine on your front porch. Wine, another one of those luxurious things you found in your basement. Whoever stored it there, you thanked them lots of times for a bit of normality in those God-forsaken times. So you let yourself sink into your sofa instead, the glass of wine in your hand. The blood red liquid looked absolutely stunning, a real treat, and just when your lips touched the rim of your glass, a knock on your door disturbed your inner peace.

You put down your glass, rolling your eyes dramatically before you got up and opened the door.

The shock plain on your face, you nearly tripped over your own feet.

"Hey doll." His mischievous grin made his dimples more prominent while he leaned casually at your door frame, in the pouring rain, as if he didn't escape his damn cell.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Are you crazy?", you whispered perplexed, pulling him into your house. You closed the door and locked it immediately, looking him up and down.

He was dripping onto the floor, his clothes clinging to his lean body, shivering slightly.

"I didn't escape if that's what you're thinking. Well, I sort of did, but just because Gabbey left the cell unlocked, don't ask me why, he just closed the cell door behind him without locking the fucking thing. Must be stressed, our holy priest."

With your mouth slightly agape (because of the shock or him, the object of your wet dreams, in front of you, you couldn't tell), you stared at him.

"Yeah, great to see you too", he mumbled.

You shook your head in disbelieve, slowly regaining your senses.

"You can't stay, Negan. They will notice you're gone and..."

He shut you up with a surprising kiss, fast as lightning he was right in front of you, his wet hands in your hair.

When he let go, your breathing matched his own.

"I ain't going anywhere. And when I'm done with you, I will return to this fucking cell, like the good 'lil prisoner I am", he whispered into your ear, nibbling at your ear lope.

"I need you, Y/N, badly. I need to screw my ray of sunshine and this opportunity? It presented itself on a golden plate, I just couldn’t let it slip away."

You moaned lightly when his lips left little kisses along your neck.

"God, I missed your smell. And I sure as shit longed for your lips", he whispered against your skin, meeting your lips in another, heated kiss. You kissed him back, relishing in the feel of his lips against yours, the taste of him, his talented tongue battling with yours. Whimper after whimper escaped you, your body betraying your mind, pressing itself against Negan's wet form. You wanted him badly as well, needed him as much as you needed air to breath. With nimble fingers, you helped him out of his shirt, your kiss broken only to pull it over his head. His chest was revealed to your hungry eyes, taking in his tattoos and form.

"Yeah, I know, I haven't been working out lately, so -"

You stopped his babbling with a single finger to his lips which descended down his neck and chest.

"You're absolutely hot, don't ever think anything less about yourself. And maybe I shouldn't have said that because of your big ass ego, but fuck it, you're handsome as hell."

"Damn doll, thank you, I guess. But you're a whole new level, even with your clothes on."

You blushed slightly, maybe because of the compliment, maybe because of all your naughty thoughts running through your head.

Your finger traveled down further, stopping at the button of his jeans.

"I want to taste you", you whispered, looking up into his eyes.

His audible grown and lust-blown pupils were everything you needed to know before your dropped to your knees. Still in front of your door, you made Negan lean against it slightly while you got rid of his jeans.

"Don't you wanna move to your...oh shit."

Your hand stroked his length through his briefs, stopping him mid-sentence.

"Later", you mumbled, before you pulled down his underwear too, being greeted by his beautiful cock.

Negan couldn't suppress the groan when your hand stroked him slowly at first, then you took his tip into your mouth, tasting him for the first time. Your own moan vibrated around him, driving him mad in an instant. His hands were in your hair again in no time, clinging to you desperately while you bobbed your head in a nice rhythm.

"Fuck, so good", you heard above you, the praise traveling right to your already drenched panties. This was a dream coming true for you, gladly pleasuring him with your mouth.

For a while, his moans and your slurping sounds were the only thing disturbing the silence in your house. Your mouth took more and more of him and when he reached the back of your throat, making you gag slightly, he pulled away, panting heavily.

"I nearly came down your throat, doll, I don't wanna finish just yet", he explained while he helped you up.

"Sit down on the sofa for me", he ordered gently, so you did as you were told.

He followed you, stepping out of his jeans and underwear before he slipped off his shoes to join you on the plush furniture.

"Damn, that's soft. But I bet your pussy feels even softer when it's wrapped around my cock."

His dirty talk turned you on so much, making you strip out of your clothes as fast as possible, so you sat beside him in your underwear.

"Take that bra off too, please", he requested breathlessly while his eyes took in every inch of skin you revealed to him.

You did as he said, freeing your breasts to his gaze.

There wasn't enough time for you to pull down your panties too, he was on you in an instant, pressing kisses along your neck down to your breasts so you had to lay back.

His wet hair left small drops of water on your skin and when his lips closed around one of your nipples, your chest arched forward.

Negan peppered your breasts with little licks and bites, toying with them with his hands too, pinching your nipples between his fingers. "I missed a nice pair of tits so damn much. And yours are something else."

His hands wandered down your body some moments later, pulling down your underwear in the process.

He spread your legs either side of him, so your center was directly in his line of view.

"Holy Mother of fuck", he cursed, transfixed by your wet pussy in front of him. The finger of his right hand ghosted over your folds, circling your clit lightly, and even such a small gesture made you a trembling mess.

"You're as needy for this as I am, aren't you? How many times have you thought about this? Because I have cum every single evening imagining this pretty pussy instead of my hand."

"Fuck Negan, I...I have fantasized a lot about you too. I need you", you confess, biting your lip at the thought of him wanting you as desperately as you wanted him too.

He grinned at you, dipping his head down to kiss your lower belly, then moving downwards. As his mouth reached your center, you screamed out of pleasure, hands anchoring yourself in his hair. You didn't bother him still being wet and a bit cold from the rain, your senses were clouded by his talented hands and tongue, initiating a fire wherever he touched you.

He feasted on your cunt like a starving man, his ministrations turning from gently to fully invested in his task, bringing you closer and closer to your release. Two of his fingers expertly entered you, pumping in a steady pace while he sucked at your clit. You broke moaning his name, your body shaking from the pleasure he was gifting you. Everything around you turned white while he didn't stop fucking you through the high, little tremors being the result of your over-sensitive body.

"Damn doll, there's nothing hotter than you screaming my name. Fuck, such a delicious 'lil pussy."

Suddenly Negan was above you, staring right down at your sweating form, his cock in hand, pressing it against your entrance. You met his eyes when he entered you in one swift motion, the stretch almost too much.

The next groan out of your mouth he collected within his, kissing you passionately while moving slowly inside of you. You tasted yourself on his tongue, the flavor not as bad as you might have thought.

"Fuck, you feel so good, so tight", he praised, his body covering yours while pumping with more force.

There were no words you could have said to him in response, even if you wanted to tell him how long you had waited for this moment, how often you had longed for him inside of you. The feeling itself, of being so full by him, drove you insane.

He fucked you with long, forceful strokes, reaching all the right spots. The moans spilling from you drowned out any other sounds around you, you didn't register the slapping of your skin or his own whimpers, it all focused on the rapidly building pleasure inside of you.

"Are you going to cum again for me?" Negan questioned, barely reaching you through the fog of your desire.

You nodded absently, your eyes rolling back while you practically clung to his body.

He sped up, fucking you harder and harder, his pelvis grinding just right against your clit and you came wailing beneath him. Your walls gripped him so tightly that your orgasm triggered his own. He barely had any time to pull out and spill on your lower abdomen, some of his seed landing on your sodden folds, painting you with his release.

Long minutes of helpless pants and gasps followed in which he tried not to collapse on your body and crush you. But you had other plans when you came to your senses again, pressing his now sweating body against your chest. The weight of him felt like a heavy blanket, comfortable and secure, a real haven in those crazy times. Your heartbeat was still going fast while you nuzzled your nose against his damp hair.

"Thank you", you murmured, hands gently ghosting over the skin of his back.

He lifted his weight off of you, shifting so you could lay on his chest, cuddling against him instantly.

"No need to thank me, doll, I have to thank you. This was fucking amazing, you felt so damn nice", Negan answered you, his deep voice calm and soothing.

"Do you think you could stay a bit longer?", you asked him after a while, looking up into his warm eyes.

"As long as it's still dark and I can sneak back, I think I can stay some more hours. Let's hope nobody's checking in on me in the meantime."

He pressed a kiss to your temple, gently pushing your head back down against his chest.

"Hopefully. I would be very mad if someone robbs me of round two."

---

Taglist: @iluvneganandjamie @murphslass @negans-attagirl @you-a-southpaw-doll @in-ky

#negan #negan x reader #negan smut #negan x you #jeffrey dean morgan

[i-like-sparkly-things]

Beautiful?

A Halstead!Sister

'But they don't know. They don't know what it's like to be you. They didn't know what it was like to wake up everyday, to a body you never asked for.

A body nobody wanted.'

Warnings : eating disorder, body insecurities, body dismorphia

Requested : Yup, by anon , 'could u do a fic where she has an eating disorder? and doesn’t tell jay but then one day she passes out at school and has to tell him?'

Word count : 1.7k

Note : this took too long I don't know why 😭but yall Guess who's thankful that yall bear with my English ? me. :) and ps this is my first request!! And yall please please know that all of you are so freaking beautiful and worth fighting for. Know that you are loved and it is never, ever weak to ask for help.

**************************

The constant pain and sleepless nights were paying off. Your eyes sparkled when you saw your new numbers. It was working.

You took your diary, crossing out breakfast on the to do list after eating a banana.

This was going to be simple. check what you eat, check your weight and repeat . You knew that if you tried really hard, you would be the one in control.

Control. That's all you wanted. Such an easy, yet painful thing.

You looked to the mirror, as your hands hovered over your ribs sticking to the skin . You'd never felt so beautiful in your life. But your eyes roamed down to your thighs. The flesh of your legs were touching. It wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

'' Y/n , come on ! Move your ass! I need to get to work!! '' Jay shouted for you, from downstairs.

'' Shut uppp I'm comingg'', you yelled back.

Ever since your mom had died, dad always kept to himself leading you to stay with your brothers. It had become a routine. Jay  would drop you off at school and Annie's mom would give you a ride home.

Lucky for you , Jay was constantly busy with cases. He hadn't noticed your new diet or the mood swings.

**************************

Your teacher had started the lesson. And slowly you sensed something wrong. Your head was pounding. God why is she so blurry? You look to Anne sitting next to you and she's Blurry too. You felt your body giving up to the swaying ground.

'' y/n!! '' Annie shreiked as your limp body crashed to the floor.

****************************

'' Chuckles!? '' Trudy called out,climbing the stairs to intelligence. "Do I look like a cocktail waitress to you? Where have you been??"

"Morning to you too, sarge" Jay sighed. "and its detective"

" Well , Detective , Y/n fainted at school and wanted you to pick her up"

"What ?" he asked shocked, aldready beginning to pick up his jacket.

"Sarge" he said, looking to Voight for approval, although he would leave nonetheless. "Go."

*****************************

"Mr. Halstead" the school nurse addressed him, as he entered the clinic.

"Call me jay. Y/n, are you okay? what the hell happened?" he asked you worried.

You had never fainted before and apart from the flu every couple of years, you had a clean bill of health, as far as he knew.

"Jay, I promise I'm fine. Just got a little dizzy, that's all" you answered knowing how overprotective he can get. Now all you could hope for was that he would let this slide.

"I tried getting some food in her but she told me she was fine" the nurse explained to Jay.

God No. the the salad she offered you had so many calories.  you had made too much progress nothing was going to stop you especially a simple fainting episode. It was a minor setback but you were sure you could continue your weight loss diet.

" What, WHY? " he questioned, but just  as you were thinking of a better reply " You know what, I'm gonna take her home." he interrupted your thoughts as he spoke to the nurse.

" Only if you are sure, you're good"

" I am Jay. One hundred percent." you replied, happy to skip the rest of the school day.

It's not like you've been paying attention any ways. You'd zone out a lot during class and  your constant hunger and cramps didn't help either. But you drowned these feelings away with small sips of water and occasional slices of cucumbers.

You Craved the Emptiness. the feeling of being lighter. The feeling of being....... perfect. It was intoxicating.

Taking your school bag, Jay wrapped a study arm around your shoulders , guiding you through the school corridors and towards his truck.

"God, I can't wait to go to bed", You said climbing the truck and fastening your seat belt.

"Yeah right. I'm taking you to med" he stated. "WHAT? Jay, what the hell ? I told you, I'm fine!!"

You knew Will was working and didn't want either of your brothers to know about your new diet or how much weight you had lost. It was too late to quit. The disgusting image in the mirror was slowly getting better..... getting thinner, prettier.

"You've never fainted before Y/n, and I promise I'll get Will to run the exams and do all the tests" he assured you.

****************************

"Y/n, I thought I told you I never wanted to see you here again.", Maggie greeted, pointing a finger at you.

"Awwww  but I missed you", you pouted, " No don't do that. your brother's waiting in treatment room 3 so you better get going." she instructed and you dropped your school bag near the nurses station.

You and Jay enter the room, to a very worried Will. "Y/n, what happened?" he asked , gesturing you to sit on the bed.

"did you hit your head when you fell? Did you fall in the bathroom or something like that?", he continued, not giving you time to answer.

"what did the nurses say? are you stressed about school?" " Will-", you interrupted his rambling " I'm fine, just..... got a little dizzy."

You watched , as he took his pen light to your eyes. "Ah! Will, stop!!" You said, trying and failing to refrain him.

"You know, it'll be easier if you stop squirming" Jay commented with a smug smile. "Your not going anywhere"

"Shut up" you groaned.

You need to get out of here. What if they gave you food. What if they found out you were hungry all the time. They'd never stop making fun of you. They'd tell you that you were overreacting and that all this was so unnecessary.

But they didn't know. They didn't know what it was like to be you. They didn't have floppy arms or fleshy thighs. They didn't know what it was like to wake up everyday, to a body you never asked for. A body nobody wanted.

******************************

"Jay" Will called out, seeing him outside your room. It had been a couple of hours since you were bought in.

Will had ordered some tests, being the ass he was.

Wonderful. You just hoped that all the tests would be normal and you could get the hell out of there.

"yeah man? just needed to text Hailey, Why, what's wrong?" Jay asked, studying the worried expression on his brother's face

"It's Y/n. "

***************************

You were fiddling with the hem of your t-shirt when your brother's walked in, staring at you, as if you were a ghost.

"Y/n," Jay croaked out his voice laced with dread, "how long?"

No. No. No. This can't be happening. God, you knew that they were going to hate you forever.

"what the are you talking about?" you needed to try to get them to back away."Is something wrong?"

They were standing on either side of your bed. Jay came closer and sat down on your right the beside your knees, eyes never leaving yours.

"Your tests-" Will started, "They came back showing you have severe deficiencies. That your body is struggling to survive. That it's not getting enough food." he broke away from your gaze.

"We um-" Jay, as if almost on queue, continued."We looked through your school bag and found your diary. "

You sucked in a sharp breath and shook your head. No. He knew. They knew.

All your calorie counts, the amount of calories you can have in a day, your research on diets, workouts, to do lists, hell, even your Period Tracker was written down. (although you barely had it anymore)

That book was the reason you were finally becoming happy with yourself. Your body.

'I'm sorry', you mouthed "I'm so, so sorry" This was it. Your voice hitched, as tears flowed down your cheeks. "I was finally happy"

In an instant, your brothers were by your side.

Jay engulfed you into his chest, your words circling his mind. 'Finally?' God, you lived together! You were his sister! His baby sister! How could he have let this happen to you? How could he not have noticed that you were drowning? That you were starving yourself. What kind of brother was he?

Will rubbed your back, until your sobs became quieter. He was a doctor. A damn doctor! God knows how long this has been going on, but at the end of the day.... he failed. He failed to be there,..... when you needed him.

"Y/n, you don't have to do this. You're beautiful Y/n. You really are. And I'm sorry that anyone else has convinced in otherwise" Jay breathed out, hoping you heard him, in his embrace.

"It felt good, Jay" your voice was muffled by his shirt, but to your brothers, your voice was loud and clear.

"Did it?" You turned to Will, "Did the hunger feel good?" his heart broke saying the words out loud.

'Yes', you wanted to answer. Of course it felt good. You were getting so many compliments from your friends at school. Boys started acknowledging you now.

It was like you finally existed. You felt...... worthy.

But with all the strength you could muster up, you couldn't get the words out. Because there was always one voice that told you to quit. The voice you'd been drowning out for so long. The voice that told you, that you were in fact, beautiful.

Your mother's.

"No" you said, realizing that Will had tears in his eyes as well.

But you couldn't find a hint of shame in them, no matter how much you searched. Instead, you were met with the immense worry and guilt of your brother.

"We can help, Y/n" Will said, as he took your hand in his, "We will help and we'll be there every step of the way."

"Every step" Jay assured and you turned to him. "All you need to do, is let us in"

You weren't prepared for this. You had no idea what to say.

You didn't want to feel tired all the time, always craving for food. But the idea of going back - back to all that shame - that's what scared you.

"Y/n," Will spoke up, seeing as you were struggling to answer, "I promise you, we are going to make you feel better...... and we'll fight those thoughts of yours together."

You took a shaky breath.

Thoughts.

Your thoughts.

You had let them consume you for a long time now. Too long. maybe..... Maybe the right voice to follow, was your mothers'. "okay-" you sobbed, "okay", and once again you found yourself in Jay's arms.

You, clinging to him like your life depended on it and him holding you tight, because it did. His hand rested on your head, tangled with your hair.

Will saw a tear make its way down his brothers cheek, something he hasn't witnessed often.

Your brothers sat silently, listening to you cry. Taking in the conversation, only having a glimpse of the pain you were in.

You had a long, long road ahead but as you sat in your brother arms, you felt a sense of peace, comfort maybe.

******************************

Masterlist

#jay halstead #jay halstead fanfiction #jay halstead imagine #jay halstead one shot #will halstead #will halstead fanfic #will halstead oneshot #will halstead imagine #jay halstead × reader #jay halstead × you #jay halstead × y/n #will halstead × reader #will halstead × you #chicago med #chicago pd #chicago pd imagine #chicago pd fanfiction #chicago pd imagines #halstead brothers #halstead sister #halstead!sister #tw eating disorder #eating disoder mention #eating disoder recovery #body dismorphia #mental disorder

[blisschi]

i've been blessed bliss' requests are open 👁️👄👁️

would hurt-comfort with kaeya be ok? maybe them saying something they don't mean to reader/reader thinking he was gonna hit them? (because he's tired or they're arguing?)

- 🔪 (at this point i might as well be known as the karya simp anon)

Hello 🔪 nonnie! There's nothing bad about simping for Kaeya, I do the same with Zhongli!

I'm not quite sure if all I wrote in the scenario makes sense.. but I went a little overboard with it and it turned out way longer than I expected.👉👈

Either way, I hope you like it! 🌼🌿🍃

🌱Trust me🌱

Pairing: Kaeya x GN! Reader

Warnings: Hurt to comfort, jealousy,,

Notes: Reader just wants time with their lover, okay?? QwQ

Lately it's been pretty hard for the cavarly captain. Kaeya all of his days spent at work, either training knights or doing paperwork in his office.

It's only natural that you became suspicious because of the time he was getting home, usually after midnight.

Kaeya could see that you are being irritated, but there wasn't really anything he could do about it. Coming back home from work, exhausted, all he could think about was just laying down with you and resting.

But you didn't really believe any of his words when he tried to explain he's been all day at work. Some time before, you caught your partner sneaking at night to Angel's Share, and from that time it was difficult to believe he was doing anything else. Even when he swore not to do it again without your aknowledge.

You just didn't want him to get in trouble, was being honest in a relationship that much to ask?

The other reason you were worried about, was of course that he might be meeting with someone else. You wanted to trust him, you really did, but how can you when Kaeya is avoiding to answer?

He is a handsome man, you were sure that many girls/boys dreamt about being in your place. You knew Kaeya, he liked flirting with people. You hated it, even though he assured you any of the words he's telling to others isn't true, you were scared.

Scared of losing him. Afterall, it's normal in a relationship.

You were at the edge of snapping when on the streets, you saw your partner with a girl, that seemed unusually affectionate towards him.

You wanted to walk up to him right then and there, but you decided to wait for him at home, giving him a last chance for explanation.

It was already far past midnight, yet you didn't feel like going to sleep at all. You needed to know, what exactly is Kaeya doing all those days.

You were sitting in the living room, arms crossed as you stared in front of yourself, repeating the words you wanted to tell him.

In few minutes, you heard the door opening, and you were more than ready to finally confront your partner. You waited for him to enter the room then got up and blurted out a simple question.

"You have five minutes to tell me what are you doing so late at work for almost a month now."

Your glare cold, concentrated on his face, as he let out a loud sigh and lifted up his hands in defense.

"Darling, I told you I'm having a rough time right now-"

"Don't call me like that!" You raised your voice, earning a surprised look from your lover. You were beyond mad at this point. You were ready to just tell him to pack his stuff and get out off your vision. "I saw you with a girl today. Do you perhaps call her 'darling' too?"

Kaeya looked surprised. However, after few seconds he smiled lightly and took a few steps towards you, shaking his head.

"You're jealous.~ Honey, the girl I was talking today was a knight-"

"I don't care if she was a knight or not! Do you think I'm stupid?!" You snapped, tears appearing in your eyes as you couldn't keep the calm expression anymore, no matter how hard you tried. Your heart ached to believe him. "Give me one good reason not to end this relationship right now and here."

His smile disappeared as fast as appeared when he realized that the situation is more serious than expected. He sighed once again and closed his eyes, visibly irritated by your behavior.

"We already talked about this, didn't we? You still don't believe me, do you?" Kaeya asked, his gaze more intense than usual. He was tired of always being accused by you. "I was working. Jean gives me a ridiculous amount of paperwork lately, and om top of that I have to train the newbies-"

"Of course! I'm sure that 'work' you're doing must be way more entertaining than me!"

"Are you even hearing yourself, [Y/N]?!"

You flinched when you heard your name. He never really called you like that, as he chose to give you cute nicknames. You just weren't used to being called differently.

He grabbed your wrist firmly, earning a gasp from you as he pressed you against the wall, glare cold as ice.

"What do I need to do for you to believe me?! Do you want me to lose the rank because of your fucking jealousy?!"

"N-no! I-I just want you to be a little more honest with me-"

"Quiet!" This time was Kaeya's turn to raise his voice. He really didn't wish to argue with you, but he was just so tired after this day. He was tired of your endless accusations towards him.

You lowered your head and sobbed quietly as you couldn't hold back your tears anymore.

"I-I'm sorry.." You whispered quietly, avoiding the eyecontact.

Kaeya widened his eyes and let go of your wrist quickly, coming back to his senses.

"I-I just miss you so much.. I don't want someone he steal you.." You continued, making him sigh and cup your cheeks softly, examining your expression. Eyes full of tears, lips shaky as if you wanted to hold back all the sobs held inside for a month of his absence.

Kaeya sighed softly and wrapped his arms around you, embracing you. Your face pressed against his chest as he stroked your hair carefully.

"My apologies.. I'm sorry." He said after a while, kissing the top of your head. "I'll try taking a day off or two, hm?"

You sniffed quietly and pulled back a little, to look up at his face before letting out a quiet 'really?'

He smiled softly and placed a kiss against your forehead.

"Trust me."

#genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #writing #reader #genshin scenarios #genshin scenario #kaeya x y/n #kaeya #kaeya x you #kaeya x reader #kaeya scenarios #genshin impact kaeya #hurt to comfort #kaeya alberich #genshin impact scenarios #scenarios #male reader #female reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #angst to fluff #jealous reader #genshin kaeya #scenario