#i mentioned this already in a post but i'm not ready for the withdrawals | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rmu-vincent · 2 months

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Dear Vincent Edgeworth

I read one of your recent posts in which you mentioned how upset you are by the fact that the simple necessities of life take up a lot of time that could have been spent much more usefully.

If you're still interested in finding ways to solve this problem, I have GREAT news for you!!! You won't believe it, but the Myers Corporation already has technologies that can help you forget about such nonsense as sleep, a meal break or rest! Complete cybernization! The company fully covers the cost of this procedure for its employees, because you, your health and your performance are very important to them! No need for sleep! No need for food! More and more free time to practice your skills!

Call us back if you are interested in this offer! I'm sure that this is exactly what is needed for such a purposeful and productive person like YOU!

Dear representative of the Myers Corporation,

Thank you for the proposal, it is an honour to have been noticed by you. You are correct in assuming I would love to find a way of discarding those time-consuming parts of existing as a human, and the option you are offering sounds amazing on paper; however, I would have to request records and feedback regarding the matter from those who have gone through the cybernization before agreeing.

It is not that I doubt your words, I do not. After studying the Corporation for years, I have come to the conclusion that you often exceed your clients' expectations and overdeliver on amenities you are providing, so I am sure you are sincere in your promises. Still, I wonder whether cybernization comes with its own issues that require time while fixing those that we, as humans, are used to. For instance, if one would not need rest or nutrition anymore, I would imagine that they would have to get the energy some other way. Charging, changing batteries, or any other way of maintaining the mechanical body's energy level are tasks that take up time. Technical check-ups are vital, too, and usually are pretty time-consuming. Not to mention the cybernization recovery period possibly lasting over a few months, which would mean even more wasted time.

Your solution is a great one for people who have put effort into educating themselves on the full process and are ready for all the steps. Personally, I would not say I were ready for such sudden and drastic changes right now, especially while I am in school. However, I will make sure to keep the suggestion in mind for later use unless you withdraw the offer.

Best regards,

Vincent Edgeworth

#Since I have already recieved messages from Ms Myerchan herself #I cannot not question how many other people from the Myers Corporation are aware of my blog's existence.#vtsom #vincent the secret of myers #vincent edgeworth #rp #ask blog

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alexs-addiction · 6 months

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My Addiction - Where I'm at today

Content Warning:// Mentions of Drug use, Narcotics Anonymous

Hello, my name is Alex and I am an addict. Just as the first (non introductory) post, I wanted to share and speak about my addiction and where I am at in regard to getting sober.

______________________________________

I am addicted to Meth. I welcomed that bitch Crystal Methanie into my life and she will not leave me alone anymore. Unfortunately, Meth is one of the most addictive substances in the world. I have been sober now for 3 days, which means that I am currently on the worst day. This day is regarded as the worst as it is where the cravings and withdrawals are the worst, and I am really feeling it.

Leading up to my decision to get sober, I was using daily. I had been using daily since August of 2023, when I lost someone that was very close to me. I had given up, and gave into my addiction 10-fold, using up to ~1.5 grams a day. After meeting someone and falling in love, I began to see the damage that I was doing to myself and made the conscious decision to wean myself off the drug over time.

After weaning myself off the drug was proving to be difficult, as I reached a point where I couldn't bring myself to use any less. I was still up for multiple days, only using when I'd begin to feel tired, and I couldn't bring myself to stop and sleep.

Then I was involved in an accident. I will speak more about the accident at a later time, but I will just say that it was traumatizing, and that I wound up needing to speak to mental health professionals regarding the accident and mentioned my addiction. I had been given some resources for getting myself sober and was going to look more into them, however the big push for me to get sober was when I passed out on my kitchen floor.

on November 16th, I had a few (non using) friends over. My friends were getting ready to leave, so I got off the couch and walked into the kitchen where the front door is. As I had become used to, I got slapped in the face with a headrush, which soon passed. As I opened the freezer to find something to eat (forgetting when I had last ate) I got hit with a second headrush.

This headrush felt worse than the first., and only got worse. Until my vision started going dark. I turned to a friend and said "I don't feel well" and leaned against my kitchen counter. Next thing I knew she grabbed my arm, the room went black, and I was on the kitchen floor.

This really solidified my need for sobriety. I made a vow that when I ran out of meth, I was going to get myself sober. Then a friend and I were talking about NA- Narcotics Anonymous.

I was already familiar with Narcotics Anonymous before my addiction, as I had been raised with the ideologies of another fellowship- Alcoholics Anonymous. I began researching even more, and found a site for virtual meetings. Virtual-NA is a site that posts worldwide virtual narcotics anonymous meetings.

I found a meeting that was starting in one minute, and I joined. Immediately I felt a sense of home. From that point on, I have remained sober. The people I have met, the other meetings I have joined, and the knowledge of other meetings that I can attend at ANY time should I be struggling with cravings have kept me on the straight and narrow.

NA isn't for everyone, but for me it is definitely helping.

I would like to ask that you take a moment of silence for the addict that still suffers, for the addict that is picking up for the first time unaware of what they will face, and the family, friends, loved ones, pets and everyone else caught in the crossfire.

Just for Today

Official NA reading

Tell yourself: JUST FOR TODAY my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs. JUST FOR TODAY I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery. JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability. JUST FOR TODAY, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life. JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. My thoughts will be on my new associations, people who are not using and who have found a new way of life. So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

#sober #sobriety #addiction #narcotics anonymous

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thegiandiediaries · 7 months

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On School & Homeschooling

Two posts in one day?! Wow!

Since my last post was extremely long I decided to do a separate post discussing where I'm at with schooling. If you're interested in learning about where I'm at with Ballet, I would recommend reading "Holiday Bootcamp".

Over the summer I took two classes, Physics I (Calculus based) and Calculus I. For context, I had already taken both of those classes previously at a different college through an online program. I got a D in Physics previously but was "passed" with a C by my teacher. And in calculus, I got a B but definitely with the help of Symbolab, Mathway, and the likes at times when I shouldn't have used them.

I knew that if I was as serious about studying Physics as I felt, I would need to revisit those topics because I didn't truly pass either of them. So, I decided to take them at my current college during the summer since it would go faster and I already was somewhat familiar with the topics. How did I do? I got a D in Calculus and a B in Physics. Yeah...

At first, I chalked it up to the fact that I was taking these two demanding classes while also working two part-time jobs and trying to juggle ballet and cello classes as well as a randomly (and unexpectedly) active social life.

I wrote it off and moved on. For the Fall, I registered for Physics II, College Algebra, Pre-Calculus, and Gateway to Physics (a Physics elective). I chose to take Algebra and Pre-calc because even though I mentally wrote off my grades, I still felt like something was missing in my knowledge and that if I could just figure out what it was, I could stop struggling so much.

By the midpoint of the semester, I was so far behind in the work and they assigned so much of it, I couldn't keep up! A deeper issue was exposed. I watched a youtube video by this YouTuber named Amy and she spoke about being seen as smart and good at math (took AP Calc BC in 10th grade, was Valedictorian, went to Caltech) and mentioned having had a tutor for a good part of K12. For some reason this was mind blowing and eye opening. I knew, conceptually, that tutors weren't just for little kids and those who struggled with a particular subject but this provided proof, I guess.

That same day, I went out and found some tutors to try. I ended up working with this woman named Sofia. She was a kind Brazilian who I zoomed with for 2 months and she opened my eyes to a few key things:

I'm not college ready in math

How to actually study math

She never said to me "You're at an x grade level" or anything of the sort, but she assessed my knowledge level after working with me on some of my algebra and pre-calculus assignments and based off the starting point, it was definitely pre-college level. Which is okay and made total sense when I stopped and actually thought about it. My struggles in math started long before I ever set foot on a college campus, so it makes sense that my level of understanding is back at that point.

After realizing this, I looked at the mountain of schoolwork piling up in those two classes and decided to withdraw. I asked her before hand if she thought it was a good idea and would be willing to teach me what I needed to know. She agreed and up until a few days ago we met 2-3 times a week consistently. She's on a break for the next month and while she's doing that, I am utilizing the 2nd key thing I learned from her: how to actually study math.

The secret? Do it, don't just read about it. Coming from someone who spent every spare minute as a kid nose deep in a book, I am used to reading something and gaining understanding from that. But math and science? That is not how it works and I think this core idea is something that has tripped me up for so long. That and the fact that while my mathematical skills stayed rather stagnant, the work I was receiving didn't and so anytime I tried to solve problems I was so out of my depth, I would turn to the textbook to read about how to solve them but still lack the foundational skills necessary to carry out problem solving independently. This cycle I was unknowingly in kept me busy and working hard, but I was like a hamster on a wheel. I wasn't making any real or tangible progress but I was burning a lot of energy.

"Doing it" is as simple as watching a youtube video (such as Professor Leonard's) and listening as they explain how (and why) to do something, then following along and solving the problems given. Sofia always asked me to pause the video and solve it first, then play and watch them walk through how to solve it. Another thing is to check your answers immediately after solving a problem. She would assign a worksheet on a topic she explained during our session and then I would need to solve them, check my answer, if I was right do the next problem and if I was wrong, work out why, redo the problem and then move on making sure to integrate that understanding I just gained into how I approached future problems.

It's surprisingly that simple! The important bits are being consistent with doing it, understanding what you're doing and why (textbook and youtube can help if you don't have a tutor), and starting at your current knowledge level.

Another thing Sofia helped me realize is that I was missing a math pre-requisite in Physics II and should work on getting taken out of the class. I did and it was a long and stressful process, but ultimately the Registrar's office removed me from the class!

Now, I'm just taking my Physics elective, but I looked at my graduation plan and I'm still on track to graduate in 2026, so long as I do what I need to do with my self studying and am prepared to resume major classes in the Summer (2024).

Which means that I have a lot to learn. My skill level is currently in between beginner and intermediate algebra. I was super embarrassed about it at first, but now I'm just excited. I know what the problem is! I feel like I could shout it from the rooftops! I was getting very discouraged in my math/physics study but trying my best to smile and keep pushing. But discovering this has lifted a mental load off. I'm not the problem. It's not that I'm not capable, it's that I'm not ready. And that's okay. I can get ready!

So, how am I getting ready? By homeschooling myself! At first, I was definitely like "I can't homeschool myself! I'm not 15 anymore!" but then I thought about it and decided I could lol. I make the rules. And I've ruled that I will homeschool myself for the next ~8 months. My plan is to work through Chapters 1-3 of Swokowski and Cole's Algebra and Trigonometry with Analytic Geometry as well as Professor Leonard's Intermediate Algebra course in November & December. I bought a book called Schaum's Outline of Basic Mathematics with Applications to Science and Technology which I am going to use to do additional practice problems in (outside of the textbook and videos). In Physics, I bought a high school algebra-based physics textbook called Cutnell & Johnson Physics (5 ed). My goal is to work through the first few chapters (between 3 and 7 chapters) of this text. I also plan on going through Dan Fullerton's videos in conjunction!

I was homeschooled for some of middle and high school and I definitely miss it. I have busy days ahead, but I'm super excited!

Bye for now!

Gia

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dawn-falls · 7 months

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Since my own lore is already starting its development on AO3 for my BSD OCs (check my post with the fic And Then There Were Two for the "beginning" and the series its in), I thought it would be fair if I introduced the trinity of villains for my lore. Let's get going!

By the way, those are villains from the present, but I can make a post of villains of the past as well if desired.

Stephen King: Captain of the Shining (American underground group of ability users)

Age: 35

Ability: It

— Can transform into one's biggest fears and becomes stronger on it

— Doesn't always know the enemies' fears, so he can't always get it right unless he discovers it before combat

— Can turn into someone else as a haunting memory of the person

Stephen King leads the Shining, his objective is rather different from all main antagonists we've seen on BSD. He doesn't want the Book, he wants to find a way to destroy it. He is ruthless and cruel, and won't hesitate in murdering others for the sake of his goal to be complete and to never allow someone to reach the book and use it, no matter for what goal. Although he will cross the line on women, he won't cross the line on children. The Shining works for the American government, who also wishes the Book is not in the enemies' hand, but the American government doesn't know they want the destruction of the object. Will make two main appearances: a side arc for my OCs to be busy while the DOA happens, and secondly, once the following two antagonists are dealt with, as my final arc lore.

Mary Shelley: Leader of the Falkner (European criminal organisation)

Age: 28

Ability: Frankenstein

— By touching two to more people, she combines them and makes them obey her every command

— Can "heal" and "save lives" by fusing someone on the edge of death with a living person

— Can combine herself with others

Before you ask, no, this is not the Doctor Mary Shelley from Stormbringer. This Mary Shelley was created by Arthur Machen, the previous leader of the Falkner, before it was a criminal group. I'm writing a story on that so whenever it's ready, I'll be letting you know by posting here. This Mary Shelley is very different from the original one, although Arthur's intent was to make a perfect copy. She's insane and cruel, as well as very unstable. Her goal is not Atsushi, although she wants the Book. Another thing to be explained with the story I'm writing. The Falkner might be the smartest criminal organisation to appear, since they know who to strike first to make the most powerful pieces get out of the way (Ranpo, Dazai, etc). She's not afraid of killing either, and children are options too. I don't know why I should mention this, but I will anyways, Mary hates Poe.

Yōko Ogawa: Captain of the Memory Police

Age: 30

Ability: The Professor's Beloved Equation (The Housekeeper and the Professor)

— Allows her to manipulate the sciences with equations around her (chemistry, biology, physics, maths)

Might be my most OP OC and will be the biggest pain of all the three main enemies. Yōko leads the Memory Police with the secret goal of achieving the book all while they erase memories of those who don't need to know what they do, who they are, or anything they don't want them to know. They have a hold of the Memory Withdrawal, the mind erasing weapon, that makes someone forget everything except their name, how to talk, write and read, if the person knows that. The Memory Police are a secret underground military unit, acting not just in Japan, but worldwide as well. Ogawa won't seem like an enemy at first, but don't trust those merciful eyes, they have anything but mercy. The fanfic mentioned in the beginning of this post will share some of her past as well, before her villainous era.

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rapifessor · 9 months

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Pokéchronology, Volume I: Yellow

Day 2

Things are really hitting their stride already. I'm finding and catching new Pokémon left and right, evolving them, adding to my type coverage, and doing a lot of battles. I can get used to this.

Something I'm finding as I go on however is that fighting every battle I come across, especially in a dungeon, is very taxing on my team and my resources, especially since some Pokémon are surprisingly strong and I don't have good counters to them yet. Money is limited and Potions aren't necessarily cheap.

Spoilers for Pokémon Yellow (lol) ahead.

Route 3

Something I forgot to mention in the last post is that I caught a female Nidoran before fighting Brock. Named her Prinzessin. She didn't help in the fight against him, I just realized that I had forgotten to mention her.

Anyway, LOTS of trainers on Route 3, which means lots of opportunity to level up. I focused mainly on getting Butterboy and Prinzessin leveled up, and occasionally BIRD UP whenever I felt they were suited to the battle. Butterboy had evolved into Metapod a little earlier and shortly after evolved into Butterfree. I knew Bug Pokémon typically evolve early, but not that early. But it's great that it happened because Confusion is proving to be a very useful move right now.

Prinzessin also learned Double Kick during the trainer battles, which actually would have been very useful in the fight with Brock. But of course, I didn't know that at the time.

Having fought my way through all the trainers, I entered the Pokémon center by the entrance to Mt. Moon and bought the Magikarp, which I named Ominous. Don't know why, probably because I thought it was funny to name the OG meme Pokémon something really edgy.

Mt. Moon

The first real dungeon. Mt. Moon is quite a trek to get through as I'm constantly harassed by wild Pokémon and taking a beating, not to mention the numerous trainers wandering the area. I picked up the Moon Stone and TM12 and caught three more Pokémon: a Zubat, a Geodude, and a Paras, which I named Nighter, Dwayne, and Mycoboss (that Paras was kinda strong when I fought it okay). Eventually I made it to what I believe is Team Rocket's Hideout.

I didn't get very far though as all the battles up to that point had drained my resources and I soon ran out of potions. With most of my Pokémon on the brink of fainting I decided to withdraw with the Escape Rope I had picked up earlier.

Time to prepare for another run. I decided I would use TM12 on Prinzessin to teach her Water Gun, adding even more to my type coverage, and evolved her into Nidoqueen with the Moon Stone I picked up. She's now an absolute unit, rocking 30+ in all stats and 60 HP at level 16, and ready to completely fucking demolish any Geodude who dares stand... or uh, float, I guess, in my way.

I pushed through Team Rocket's Hideout much easier than before, using Butterboy to clown on Zubat and Prinzessin to clown on everything else. Fully evolved Pokémon it turns out are pretty strong and make the game a lot easier. Caught a Clefairy that I named Fairyberry on the way to the end.

I chose the Helix Fossil after defeating the Super Nerd later in the dungeon, deciding that I liked Omanyte better than Kabuto. Shortly after, I'm challenged by that eternal dorky duo Jessie and James. Prinzessin swept away their entire team with little difficulty. Finally, I was able to exit the dungeon to Route 4, now on my way to Cerulean City.

Cerulean City

After wandering around checking the place out, I decided to head north to see what I could do before challenging the gym. Got spooked by Gary and his four Pokémon. I kicked his ass. Then I continued across Nugget Bridge, fought my way through the five trainers and got bamboozled by Team Rocket member #yes, but as usual Prinzessin cleaned him up pretty good.

I receive Charmander from the trainer with self-worth issues after the bridge, and catch an Oddish in the grass around the bend to the left. I named the Charmander Sicko and the Oddish Canteven. Then I proceeded to the east, challenging every trainer along the way to Bill's house. I realized I was REALLY soft to Psychic types while fighting one of the trainer's Slowpoke, which is a bit of a problem. Psychic is one of the strongest types in Generation I though, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I really need to get some good Bug type moves. Maybe Mycoboss can learn some, but I've been too busy leveling up Ominous to give them the attention they need.

Having beaten all the trainers in the area, I proceeded to rescue Bill and return to Cerulean City to deal with the Team Rocket member who stole the Dig TM, and once again, get destroyed because he has a fucking Drowzee on his team. But I manage to win the battle anyway and proceed to the south to see that the road is closed. I noticed there was some underground route to Vermilion City but dealing with that is for later.

It's time to challenge Misty. With my trusty BIG RAT by my side I felt I had little to fear, and while some of the Water types in the gym were surprisingly tough, I still dispatched them with ease.

Misty herself put up a bit more of a fight, as her Starmie is level 21 and has a considerable amount of health. BIG RAT could deal substantial damage but he also took a sizeable amount himself. I had to switch out to different Pokémon a couple of times to give him the chance to heal, and I have to say these 20 HP Potions are starting to feel a little inadequate. With Starmie having such high offensive and defensive power, I decided it was time for my trump card: Sleep Powder.

Sleep is kind of a stupid status. It can either be incredibly broken, completely disabling a Pokémon for five whole turns, or do basically nothing. Luckily for me, it was the former. I landed the move with Butterboy, took the opportunity to heal BIG RAT, and sent him in to finish off Starmie, defeating Misty. I'm surprised she only had two Pokémon. That combined with having effective types for the battle made her considerably easier to deal with than Brock, although I still had to use cheeky tactics to make victory achievable. But hey, all's fair in love and Pokémon battles, right?

Well, that's all for today. Another day, another gym. The game has continued to be pretty fun so far, I'm almost surprised how much I'm enjoying myself. I never used to think the core series games were something I'd be interested in, but I guess I was wrong.

Judging by the name of the next town, I'm guessing Lt. Surge is the next gym leader. I'll need to find some Pokémon that can deal with Electric types, and since I already know about Geodude and Sandshrew I think I'll go with them. Gonna have to train them up though, which could take a while.

Also, given my experience with Psychic types... I'm a little concerned with how that gym battle is going to go. But I'm sure I'll figure something out.

#rapifessor rambles #nerd shit #pokémon #pkmn #pokeblogging #long post #pokemon #pokechronology #pokechron #retro gaming #classic games

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bokebelle · 3 years

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connie springer + friends with benefits

A/N: this is very very self-indulgent and ended up being longer than intended but please enjoy my Connie brainrot bc i love him a lot and he needs more content

WARNINGS: 16+; friends with benefits relationship; mentions of sex; modern au

PAIRINGS: connie springer x gn!reader

TAGS: fluff, a tiny tiny bit of angst.

REQUESTS: open

One of the best people to get into a friends with benefits type of relationship 💯

You guys would have to be good friends before this kind of relationship happens. Connie may be fun and goofy from time to time but he wants to make sure you trust him as a partner and vice versa

He probably wasn't even looking for a fwb type relationship tbh it probably just happened and you guys just went with it

it probably started with growing sexual tension whenever you two hung out. A little playful flirting here and there 👀

At a party, you two were a little flirter than usual and he just looked around to see if anyone was around, and whispered in your ear if you wanted to make out in his car LMAO of course you agreed

things just escalated over time til he offered to take you home one night and you best believe he did NOT go home that night

When the post nut clarity finally hit that you guys hooked up, he just asks if you would want to do it again

Connie turned to look at you, lips slightly swollen, with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and a light sheen of sweat on his chest. "So...wanna do it again?"

"Right now?!" you sit up, instantly feeling the soreness in your lower half. you definitely weren't ready for another round

"Not now, dummy. But maybe...whenever we both wanna, y'know..." he avoided looking at you, suddenly feeling embarrassed at his own proposition. "but if you totally don't want to, it's fine I understand."

A small smile dances on you lips. He looked cute all flustered, suddenly looking nervous when he was anything but just moments ago. "I think I'd like that."

You two don't really tell anyone, but you don't keep it a secret either. He'd tell them what's up if people would ask (if you wanted them to know) but since you guys flirt all the time no one really suspected anything more was going on

the longer your relationship progresses, the bolder he gets lmao literally went from being shy about asking to hookup in his apartment to dragging your ass you his car during a date because his dick "suddenly missed his best buddy" you smacked him

He is also very open to experimenting and trying new things. He'll try it once and if it doesn't work then it's fine. He also respects your boundaries if ever you don't feel comfortable with the idea of trying something new. he won pressure you and won't bring it up

Probably uses a safeword like "taco"

He isn't THAT rough that you'd need one, but he wants to give you the option of stopping whenever you feel like you can handle it 😭 this baby doesn't wanna hurt you and wants you as safe as possible 🥺

This man is a great mix of playful and serious in the bedroom. He knows when to make you laugh during sex and to tone it down when you just need a physical release. your comfort is his priority so he wants to make sure he fits whatever you need

Connie is actually really good with aftercare despite not knowing it's actually a thing!!

He just knows it's on him to take care of his partner afterwards so he helps you clean up, gives you clean clothes especially if you're at his place, and offers you a snack or asks if you wanna watch a movie

If you want to cuddle and just talk, he's totally down! if you also need some personal space, he'll totally respect that and give you the time you need, whenever you need it.

He can be a total flirt but he's also very friendly and knows his limits so he doesn't end up sending mixed signals. He's flirty enough to keep things interesting but not enough to confuse either of you about your relationship unless he falls for you.

Great aftercare? Attentive in the bedroom? Funny, handsome, respectful king? overall one of the best people to have a FWB relationship hands down

If you ever decide you want to end that kind of setup, he'll totally respect it and would still treat you as a good friend! will occasionally make inside jokes about hooking up but it's all in good nature because he enjoyed his time with you and he wants you to remember that time with the same smile he has whenever he thinks about it pls i love him

BONUS: Falling in love with Connie during your FWB relationship (and him falling in love you with back)

honestly how can you not fall for him

Connie is always so sweet, funny, respectful, both in and out of the bedroom so it wasn't long before you started wanting to stay in his arms a bit more after a good session

Connie never treated you any differently, but there were times when things just felt different

The moment you knew you had feelings for him was when he fucked you differently compared to your previous sessions

Sure he would blow your back out every now and then, but there were also more mellow times with him when you both were feeling lazy and needy

But THIS was a new experience. He fucked you slowly, but intensely. His hands were all over you but his touches were more gentle and soft. His kisses were a little bit sweeter and the caresses on your face lingered just a bit longer.

You snuggled into his chest a little more after that and you swore he held you a bit tighter, pulling your body just a bit closer to his. When you became aware of his heart beating under your ear, and found yourself being lulled to sleep by it, you knew you were fucked both literally and figuratively

Your feelings for him weighed you down more and more until you decided you were playing a dangerous game and you had to get out before you reached the point of no return

it sucked having to break things off with Connie but it was the first rule of any fwb relationship and you broke it more and more everyday.

As you sat up and rolled out of bed, ready to get dressed and leave, you felt Connie's arms come up behind you and rested his chin against your shoulder.

"Hey, why don't you stay the night?" he asked, placing a quick kiss on the junction between your neck and shoulder.

You exhale heavily, dreading what was coming next. You didn't plan on breaking it off so soon, but you knew staying the night would only be the wrong choice to make - for your sake and your heart's.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"C'mon, this isn't the first time you've stayed the night. Please?" You wanted to give in. You wanted to roll around, kiss his pretty face and spend the night in his arms. But knowing he didn't feel the same way as you did, knowing you'd leave with a heart that would break a little bit more if you stayed over, is what made you say no.

"It's not a good idea, Connie." you take a deep breath. "Actually, I think we aren't a good idea anymore."

You felt him withdraw his arms from your torso, the areas where he held you instantly feeling cold and empty. You hold on tighter to the sheets, partly to cover yourself up but mostly to keep you from breaking down in front of him.

"What?! Why not? Did I do something wrong? Was I too rough?"

Connie desperately racked his brain for what could have gone wrong from when you were saying his name like a prayer to now. He didn't want to mess it up with you, he really didn't. You slowly became someone he felt safe with. You became the one he wanted to see first thing in the morning, that's why he wanted you to stay over. He was falling for you, but he didn't want to admit it just yet. Maybe you caught on and didn't feel the same way? He knew he'd have to tell you eventually, but he wanted to be selfish a little bit longer. He wanted to enjoy what you guys had before going back to being just friends with no 'benefits'.

"I know we agreed to being just friends but I think I'm starting to feel something more than that and it's really stupid. But I don't think I can do this anymore without falling for you more than I already have." The tension in the air is palpable. In the time it takes for what you said to finally sink in Connie's mind, you decided his silence was his final answer.

When Connie saw your figure quietly get up from the edge of the bed, he knew this was his chance.

He quickly made his way over to your side, sitting on the edge. He reached out and gently wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Don't go, please." He whispered into the skin of your back.

You turn to look at him, keeping your tears at bay, trying to pry his arms off of you. God, with the way he was looking at you, that was almost all the convincing you need to stay just last night with him

"Connie, don't make this harder on me. You don't understa-"

"No, [y/n]" he cuts you off, now moving his hands to hold yours. "you don't understand." he delicately presses a kiss to your fingertips before kissing the back of your hand. "I want you. I want you to stay."

The meaning behind his words lit a spark in you that erupted into a passionate flame in your chest.

Connie wanted you. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

You cup his face, one of his hands coming up to rest over yours. You lean down and place the sweetest, softest kiss you can on his lips. It's not much but you hope he can feel all you've wanted to tell him in that one kiss.

"Okay, Connie, okay" you whisper as your lips pulled away from his own, a small smile forming when he whined at the loss of contact.

You committed the image of Connie Springer pouting at you because he wanted a kiss to your memory. You would tease him about it soon enough, you just wanted cherish the fact that he wanted kisses - your kisses.

You had more nights to share, more kisses to give him, but for now you just wanted to enjoy the feeling of having Connie in your arms, knowing you had each other as long as your hearts wanted.

You wanted to enjoy the feeling of Connie simply being there, finally being yours. He wasn't going anywhere, and neither were you.

"I'll stay."

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takuyakistall · 4 years

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an alternate ending to steal your heart!

taku's notes: hello everyone! after a lot of thinking, I decided to post what was supposed to be the ending for 'steal your heart' i originally scrapped the idea because this ending really hurts. though, now I'm posting it here if people want more angst juice.

warning: mentions and descriptions of blood, death, etc.

"what a poor, unfortunate soul."

Jade couldn't breathe, his withdrawals were getting worse and worse— his grip on his dagger faltering a bit as he hid it behind his back. He approached your crying figure, his vision was blurry. He didn't want to do this, it wasn't supposed to end up like this. He kept his footsteps as quiet as possible, keeping his emotions in check. When he was close enough to your figure, your back facing him— he brought his arm up, ready to stab you until he hesitated.

Was this really the right choice? Jade felt like he was about to vomit, he needed to do this— for Floyd. Jade erased any trace of rationality inside his mind and swung his arm down, his dagger stabbing you in the neck. An ugly sob coming out from your mouth, he hated hearing you cry.

You couldn't breathe, black spots appearing in your vision as you desperately tried to turn around and look at who stabbed you. It was Jade. You felt your whole world crumble, you let your guard down too much around him— you should've never trusted him. Rage coursed through every inch of your body as you desperately tried to stay conscious, hot tears staining your face as you lie down on the ground. You were a fool.

Your failing vision failed to notice the look on Jade's face— a face filled with horror and regret. Tears pricked his eyes, he kept on telling himself one thing. "This is for my brother." His brother comes first before everything else, he would do anything to let his brother survive— even if it meant killing you, his beloved.

Jade was limping. He definitely didn't expect to make it out the mountain uninjured, seeing as how you were brutally murdered by him. His hands were shaking as he held your heart close to his chest, blood staining his clothes as he tried to make his way to the sea. He couldn't breathe anymore, he was only holding out with sheer willpower. Once his feet made contact with the water, he jumped in.

His legs transformed into a tail and his skin turned to a certain shade of blue, the water washing away the blood— your blood off his face. Your heart was still clutched tightly in his hands, he didn't waste another second trying to get his head straight. He immediately rushed to where Floyd was being sheltered, a small cave. "Floyd, I'm back." The tiredness in his voice was evident, his arms barely strong enough to hold your heart anymore.

Jade's eyes widened at the scene, he dropped your heart and immediately rushed to Floyd's side. He wasn't breathing anymore. Jade was too late, Floyd was already dead. The heart was useless now, it couldn't possibly revive his dead brother. Jade could feel tears forming in the corner of his eyes, overcome with grief and anger at himself. It was his fault. It was his fault that his brother was dead, he should've gotten back sooner— how could he let himself be distracted by you?

Jade hugged Floyd's unmoving body against his own, choked and heavy sobs coming out from him. Jade was crying. He lost two people who were very dear to him, you and his brother. He killed you and ripped out your heart in hopes of saving his brother, only to be toyed by fate and find out that his brother was already dead by arrival. Truly, fate was cruel to him.

Jade spent the rest of his days trying to find a way back to land, he needed help from an outside source like his acquaintance, Azul. Unfortunately for him, Azul didn't even spare Jade a second glance when he saw the crazed look in his eyes. 'He finally lost it.' Azul thought. Although he knows that Jade was going through immense pain due to Floyd's death, he couldn't just help Jade just like that. Going to land was an irrational decision Azul wouldn't allow Jade to make.

That wasn't going to stop Jade from trying, day after day he stares up at the land— seeing your mountain from the distance and wondering what could've happened if he did things differently, would you still be alive? He reached his arm up. He went to land, still in merform. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't manage to go back to the water. He was already far too in.

His vision became blurry as black spots gradually took over. He knew he was about to die soon, he already accepted it long ago. The last sight he saw before he passed was a mountain— the mountain which brought him to you.

Truly, he was an unfortunate soul.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst writing #fanfic #twisted wonderland x reader #self indulgent takoyaki #octavinelle #jade leech x reader #twisted wonderland jade #jade #jade leech #twst jade #angst #jade angst #tw//death #tw//blood #tw//murder #ah #i lowkey cried while writing this oof

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canaryatlaw · 2 years

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okay, well today was interesting. I had court at 11, but managed okay sleeping in until then. court was fine, the other side wants to go to hearing and I don't think it'll turn out well for them (lawyer seemed slightly exasperated that his client wouldn't consider settling) but hey, if that's what they want that's fine with me. did a variety of little things after that, including discussions about the client situation I've been stressed about the last few days that pretty much went nuclear today, and we made the final decision that we're withdrawing from the cases, which I feel bad about because I do believe in one of them, but this shit was way over the line, and I'm mostly relieved that I don't have to deal with this shitshow of a situation anymore. but yeah, it kinda sucks all around. our afternoon meeting ended up just being us chatting about different stuff for like half an hour, so that was fun at least. I presented two cases that were both absolutely batshit, so we're going to be taking those. the court portal we use to see past cases and records has been down the last few days, so we accepted pending checking that, and for one of them my work buddy was just like "okay well unless she's like a murderer we should take the case" 😂 and I think that's pretty accurate for the fucking nuts situation. so yeah, that was good at least. easy end to the day workwise, but when roommate got home we discovered that our blue apron box was not in fact in the lobby (I hadn't gone down and checked because my legs are still shaky from taking public transit home yesterday, ugh) though it had been marked as delivered. some investigation later, we discovered it was in the lobby of the building connected to ours that we have no access to (it's one building, but two entrances and 4 different address numbers) so we rang the buzzers a bunch of times and nobody came out, so we ended up taping a note to the door like HELP US GET OUR FOOD BOX PLS and thankfully someone texted a few minutes later and we were able to get it. I should mention this all took place during fairly heavy snow, so we were both pretty wet by the time all of this took place. oh well, at least we got it. had a chill night, didn't make a meal since we had leftover pizza from yesterday to eat. roommate went to bed a bit early because she wasn't feeling well, so I just chilled and watched the olympics, mainly for the figure skating. I'd already seen the results posted on twitter so I knew what was going to happen, but really watching it was something else. I've felt badly for Kamila Valieva since the whole doping scandal started because I highly doubt it was her choice to do any of those things, and now her dream she'd worked so hard for was in jeopardy. but watching her have an absolute breakdown after making a bunch of mistakes and ending up finishing 4th just off the podium, while she was getting scolded by her coaches while she was uncontrollably sobbing, and for all of it to happen with a camera in her face and millions of people watching....it was all just incredibly heartbreaking to watch, I was crying right along with her. It's really just so difficult to watch, and it makes me really mad to see how she was mistreated by the adults in her life that put her in this position. I also felt bad for the girl who actually won the gold medal, Anna Shcherbakova, for being essentially ignored by everyone afterwards and kind of forgotten about when she just made an incredible career achievement...that sucks. So yeah, the whole thing was just incredibly upsetting to watch, and I super hate that she was put in that position by the adults in her life. that really sucks. sigh. anyway. When it started to get late I showered and started getting ready for bed, and now I'm here. Office in the morning, super packed day- two cases at 11, motion up at 12, then a 2 pm hearing that I fully expect to take all afternoon if not longer (my question doc with the answers filled in is a whopping 13 pages, so), so that's gonna be a lot, and I should be getting to bed now clearly. Goodnight

friends. Love you lots, happy Friday.

#daily journal #February 2022

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onecrazysquirrel · 2 years

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Good morning beloved and God bless you on this beautiful morning.

Well it is trying to turn into one of those days on me but I won't let it. Woke up with a sore back (nothing new) finally came to enough to make it to the restroom somewhere between 9:30 and 9:45 AM, finally slept sort of; was in and out all night seemed like I kept waking up every fifteen minutes, at least I got some sleep thank God. Started my morning routine I always start by studying a bible verse and praying. Enjoyed studying and the initial prayer time, created an image for The Dressing Vine Ministries with the verse and shared it to the various platforms we are associated with. Then I went to work on an update for a campaign that I'm overseeing to aid a single mother and her child who are currently homeless, there should've been money deposited in an account for them this morning; I go to check the withdraws section of the campaign and it has that button saying to set them up, I did this early last week so it should already be set up. I ran through the set up process again and checked again and there was the setup button again, first email to the help center for technical support and they responded by restarting the campaign and emailing back saying the campaign was now ready; I checked it again and it still said setup so I ran through the process again thinking maybe they just needed to initiate the campaign, no good still the same outcome. I let it ride and set up for the morning update, created the artwork for the morning and gathered some alternate donation method information; was typing up the update and momma messaged me so I had to tell her that there were issues and the money hadn't come through. Needless to say she was somewhat upset a she apparently had something to pay off around 12:30 and was really counting on the funds, this put a serious damper on my wake ritual, I sent her some encouraging words and stopped everything to take a few minutes to pray for her; I finished the update supplying Cash App and Venmo information for anyone who wanted to contribute for the time being, I posted it and went back to troubleshooting the issue. Well now I have sent the second email trying to explain the situation more in depth and am waiting for their response, I'll follow up when I'm finished sharing here. So far that's been my morning, rather frustrating to be honest and somewhat disheartening but not so terrible as to darken the whole day; I refuse to let one little issue like this bring me down.

It's currently 12:01 PM here in Dayton Ohio and 39° with a forecasted high of 49° with a real feel of 43° so bundle up it's that deceptive type of cold that doesn't really feel that cold until it's made you sick. The sun is out and shining I see barely any clouds and from what I can tell it's calm with little to no winds. So not a bad day outside but still not fun of you're stuck in it.

Still need help here prayers, love and support would like to get some more work done the car and pray some bills and loans; running through gas like it's soaking into the ground it seems, and I keep getting these candy bar and pop cravings that start up and just won't go away. I know candy bar and pop probably shouldn't be brought up, not really worth mentioning; but when the cravings are driving you crazy and you gave no means to take care of them, well just thought I'd throw them in here. It's starting to get late already and I still need to finish my bible study and prayers for the morning, not to mention troubleshoot this issue and get cleaned up and ready to go to work this afternoon. So I am going to wish you all a very blessed day in the Lord.

Thank you for spending a few minutes with me today and thanks for all of the prayers, love and support that you offer. May God bless and keep each and everyone of you and yours...

#photo edit #photoart #prose #artists on tumblr #original post #portrait #poem #poetry #visual verse #photography

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thedressingvineministries · 2 years

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Good morning beloved and God bless you on this beautiful morning.

Thank you for spending a few minutes with me today and thanks for all of the prayers, love and support that you offer. May God bless and keep each and everyone of you and yours...

#holiness #charity #finance #money #godliness #jesus #love #youtube #family #donate

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yournewapartment · 7 years

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Hey, how are you? I'm a victim of emotional abuse by my parents and currently trying to get out of it. Do you have any advice (may it be personal or not) about not just healing from it, but also how to cope with it while still being in that situation? I would be more than grateful for your answer PS your blog is a great help and gets me through the day

First of all: I am so proud of you for staying strong and keeping your sanity! Situations like this are never easy, and although I don’t have personal experience with this, a close friend of mine went through something very similar. It does get better once you move out of your parent’s house, and getting to that point may seem difficult to realize now, but by the time you get there you’re going to be so prepared and ready to go. I believe in you!!

Here are two goals that I think you should think about:

Moving Out: Even if you’re underage, there are steps you can start to prepare yourself for moving out of your parent’s house.

Caring For You: In the meantime, your primary objective should be to take care of yourself as best you can.

Moving Out

1. The first step is to find some sort of part-time job.

I’m going to assume that you’re still in school, so you’re not looking for a job that is going to consume large portions of your free time. A good rule of thumb is working anywhere from 17-20 hours a week.

If this is one of your first jobs (or your first job) you can’t be expected to be paid much more than minimum wage. What you should look for is the possibility to earn small raises as you progress in the job.

You’re looking for something relatively easy. You have enough stress and anxiety in your life, you don’t need anymore!

And finally (and most importantly) you need a job that you can commute to on your own. You can’t rely on your parents to offer you transportation to and from your job, especially if they aren’t thrilled at the idea of you becoming financially independent. Look for something that you can walk, bike, or ride public transportation to. If you do have access to a car, please ignore this!

2. Check out my job masterpost for specific information on cover letters and writing resumes! I do have a link on their specifically pertaining to finding a job in high school.

3. The job may take some time to secure! In the meantime, get into the habit of saving a specific amount of money each week. Don’t get bogged down on the amount- at first it may be as little as $25. Once you get the job, you’ll be able to incrementally increase how much you’re putting away.

4. If you are over 18, get yourself your own bank account that your parents don’t have access to. Your parents don’t need access to your finances, especially if they’re emotionally abusive. A friend of mine tried to move out of her parent’s house, and her father literally moved all of her savings into his account so that she was unable to move.

Unfortunately, people under 18 will require joint accounts with their parents, so you can’t get your own account. In this case I would recommend you looking for a job that will pay you cash so that you can store this without your parent’s access. Either that, or you could start withdrawing small amounts of cash and stashing them somewhere safe. I would not recommend withdrawing large sums, because it might make your parents suspicious.

5. Gather as many of your important papers as possible. Papers such as your birth certificate, tax information, insurance cards, etc. If you at some point become estranged from your parents, you don’t want them to be able to hold these over your head. It’s very hard to adult in life without important pieces of information such as these.

6. Talk to customer service professionals. You won’t believe how much of your “adult” life revolves around speaking to people in call centers. Get comfortable talking to people over the phone, giving them precise information, and sticking up for yourself. Customer service people are trained to tell you “no”, but try not to get discouraged. Remember that you’re not being rude if you politely ask to speak to their manager- that’s what the manager is there for.

7. Learn some basic recipes. The more homemade recipes you can master by the time you’re ready to move out- the better! You don’t need to be Gordon Ramsay, just focus on learning the skills to make food that appeals to you. Once again I’m going to be tooting my own horn- here’s the post I wrote about basic cooking techniques.

8. Learn some basic household chores. If your parents are bothered by you doing chores, confine these chores to times they’re not around, or do them only for your items. For example:

Laundry

Washing dishes

Mopping

Vacuuming (especially learning how to clean vacuums)

Cleaning the bathroom

Cat litter

9. Read “How to Run Away From Home” by Orphan Survival Guide. Use this if you absolutely have to. Her blog is fantastic, and she has so many resources for these sort of situations. Unfortunately she no longer updates her Tumblr, but she does update her website and her twitter.

10. Work towards becoming an independent tax payer. You mentioned that you’re from another country, so I’m not sure how it works for you. But in America, your parents claiming you as a dependent grants them a tax break. This tax break is nice for them, but it ends up costing you money, because the government will require you to pay a higher percentage of taxes. If you claim yourself as an independent, your parents can no longer claim you, and they lose their tax break. This essentially takes you out of their income tax bracket, and puts you in whatever one corresponds with how much you’re earning. This means:

You’ll get the tax break and save serious $$

You’ll have a better chance of being awarded Financial Aid because the government will be able to see that you can’t afford college otherwise

You’ll have a better chance at being awarded free health insurance or much lower premiums (in America)

11. Consider dorming or utilizing student housing at a university with some close (and responsible) friends. This gets you out of the house, and as far away from your family as you want. It’s also a nice middle ground- moving straight from your parent’s house to an apartment on your own may leave you slightly shellshocked. There’s a lot of responsibility that comes with owning your own place, and being in debt to a university dorming service is a lot better than being in debt to a landlord who can take legal maneuvers against you. Also:

You’ll be around people your own age = support system

You can switch roommates each semester if you want to

You won’t have 100 adult responsibilities to deal with at once.

You won’t have to worry about separate bills like heating, electric, water, etc. You’ll just have one bill.

You don’t have to worry about a car yet.

12. If you’re absolutely set on moving into an apartment on your own, check out this post finance-wise. Also this post on finding an apartment.

Caring For You

1. Complete your first level education. If it’s hard to find a quiet space to study at home, utilize local community spaces like parks, cafes, and libraries. Libraries are fantastic because:

They’re indoors (so it doesn’t matter what the weather’s like)

They have computers + printing + free wifi

They have bathrooms

Sometimes they sell packaged food or beverages

They have tons of resources

You can sit for hours and not be disturbed

2. Similarly- find a quiet place to pursue your interests. Your interests are what make you unique, and it’s easy to lose their focus in the face of extreme environmental stress. Are there any local groups/clubs you can join that interest you? Is there a free class you can take? A friend’s house you can paint at?

3. Find three people to confide in. It may seem uncomfortable, but the more people who know about what you’re going through, the better. You’re not burdening people by telling them, you’re not inconveniencing them, and you’re taking care of yourself in turn. Here are some people you can tell:

Your favorite teacher

A guidance counselor

Your best friends

A distant relative who isn’t close with your parents

4. I was going to make an “additional resources” section, but Orphan Survival Guide already has such a good one that I’m just going to use her’s. Orphan Survival Guide’s Resources

If any of my followers have any advice to add, please do! Stay strong babe, you’ll get through this.

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