#i mean i kinda drifted away from it because of ~social reasons; i fucking hate it when people go "ah you're a rationalist trans woman? ofc

[mourning-again-in-america]

on the one hand, i didn't really like the sequences much (i liked "how to become a 1000 year vampire, even tho it did lead me to a lot of in-hindsight poor decisions) but that was because it was stuff that was largely in the water supply for me, sometimes giving an extra handy analogy to what i'd had before

but scott got me. untitled was incredible to read. i wanted to cry when i read it. and then i went down the rabbit hole of reading about what happened to scott aarsonson. that was a mistake. so i read a lot more of scott and predictive processing lined up oddly well with a lot of what william james says in the briefer course to psychology. then i started diving into the webs of associated blogs, and i ended up vaguely postrat adj, mostly because of the fact that at the time i was heavily influenced by the realizations that tulpamancy and hypnosis work to surprising extents. also, it's hard to control everything exactly in those domains. so you really need better heuristics, and so i started collecting heuristics and testing them. most of them sucked, but it was good meat for my brain to chew on without diving into another rabbit-hole like i did with pirsig, and the only person who i really fell for who i have trouble ~explaining why I did is samzdat. a lot of the ones that i still follow are mostly because they have interesting (and usually not insane) takes on the world and i like a certain kind of useful variety. Valentine and Sarah Constantine are mb grouped under postrats but they're pretty different than a lot of other ones, mostly in that their methods involve little in the way of mental modification, drugs, or the like. they've survived well in my mental estimation over the years, esp compared to a lot of the others.

#i mean i kinda drifted away from it because of ~social reasons; i fucking hate it when people go "ah you're a rationalist trans woman? ofc #u do haskell“ so I wanted to avoid getting *solely* lumped under ”yet another crazy postrat tranny“ #technically vagueblogging but more like “inspired by”

[bitchimasnake-sss]

sfw alphabet ft. roronoa zoro! (because im down bad for him)

enough horniness, now we shall weep and cry cause of how much we love this moss head 🤭🤭

yes ur honor this is the man im in love with :/

💗affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?):

affection (in it's traditional sense) comes hard to zoro. he doesn't really know how to go about it to be very honest. to him affection is sarcasm and acts of services ("acts of service" include calling you mid in 5 languages (joke), making fun of your exercise form and the way you sometimes drool in your sleep, offering you sake etc.). but as time passes by and you both start getting more comfortable with each other, he gets on board with it. every time you both are spending time alone, he holds onto you one way or the other. don't expect him to call you sugarcakes or something because he won't but he will let you know before drifting off to sleep that you mean the world to him. i dont think hes a huge pda guy but if he's super drunk then he cannot possibly keep his hands off of you, its quite weird for the crew to see him so openly affectionate (cue sanji gagging).

💗best friend:

what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start? he's lowkey the bestest of best friends. he has the energy of "idk what you're doing but ig do it anyways cause i know how to fight" an opinion on everything but he doesn't have the time or energy to say anything (between his sleeping and training). doesn't mean he's any less nonchalant, no, he's just super opinionated for some reason. so, when you're sitting next to him on the deck on those late nights, asking him absurd questions, best believe he will deliver peak (nonchalant) commentary. especially after the two years when he's back from living with perona!!! HE IS A CERTIFIED FASHION KING. "zoro," you nudge him and he hums in response, "i was thinking of getting nami that silver bracelet for her birthday, should i?" "i mean i wouldn't give that debt collecting witch anything but-" he winces lightly when you punch him in the arm, "-but. i think silver will look look washed out against his complexion. gold seems better" "you think?"

💗cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?):

at the start, he thinks cuddles are lowkey dumb (and like he probably has gone years without them), so, he puts up this weird drama like "uh no i dont wanna do it" ofc he's lying. cause you're so soft and you smell so good and his hands are literally shaking trying not to hold you against him. after a while, he will unironically announce to you that he is the little spoon tonight and you need to suck it up. (lowkey gives the best cuddles because he literally envelopes you whole till you have to physically push him away) he wants to cuddle but you're DYING. YOU JUST KNOW YOU ARE. because this man is a heat radiating hot heating device heater. he is like a portable sauna. he needs to give you some space but he wont.

💗domestic (how are they at cooking and cleaning?):

cooking? cleaning? you should be grateful that he's showering everyday ever since you started dating him. he knows some basic cooking and cleaning skills (cause he did survive on his own for a good few years) but he doesn't know them in a socially acceptable manner. he just caught a fish, burnt it and ate it cause ✨proteins✨ okay? it's not like he does it on purpose, it's just that he's too focused on training and getting better and you have a chef so, he doesn't have to bother too much about it. but if you both were living together, then i think he will obviously learn them cause he doesn't want you to be the only responsible one cleaning after his messes. and he actually has kinda started liking cooking cause it's relaxing (he's also good at chopping up veggies and stuff so you both can cook together). the only part of cooking he hates is when sanji starts giving him tips cause like genuinely, sanji mind your own fucking business okay he'd learn pasta himself. tldr; the first time you teach him these things, he makes a mess and almost burns down your house but afterwards, you can rely on him to get the things done semi-nicely.

💗ending:

if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it? i think if zoro had to breakup with someone it will probably be over focusing on his dreams of being the best swordsman or if you cheated on him or broke his trust. i don't think he will pursue a relationship with someone if he didn't see it lasting, so, he won't break-up for petty reasons (nor do i think he will ever cheat). i also think he's a practical man. he won't try to sugarcoat or make you false promises. he sure as fuck won't tell you that you both can "still be friends" or some shit (i mean unless you're in the same crew then it kinda goes without saying). he'll probably ask you to come have a chat with him. sit you down and tell you directly and exactly why he is doing it. and he absolutely won't let you have any residual doubts if you "weren't enough" for him or so. just because he has to make this decision doesn't mean he doesn't love or respect you. so, even tho he won't ask you to be friends, if you ever need someone to rely on, he will be there for you. bottom line, he will still be a friend to you (though prepare to ignore each other for a long time after the breakup cause obviously it hurts and you might punch him)

💗fiance(e):

how do they feel about commitment? seeing as his character is super ride or die, he definitely doesn't have a problem recognizing how much you mean to him. but he is pretty emotionally constipated, so, he will take an eternity to actually accept how much you mean to him in a non-friendly manner. how quick would they want to get married? settling down??? no. he's not settling down. not until he's the best swordsman atleast. marriage is lowkey scary to him cause he didn't grow up with healthily functioning relationships to look upto but once he started dating you, he could see it potentially being a "forever" sort of a thing. he's probably not gonna say that out loud tho, thats a topic reserved only for wayward day-dreams or super drunken nights. so, as for the marriage thing he'd want to take his time. he would probably choose to achieve his own goals (and support you to reach yours) and then, think about settling down.

💗gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?):

physically: zoro is acutely aware of his super-human strength but it still comes as a shocker to him to see how fragile, almost dainty you are in compare to him. simple things like comparing hand sizes or how large his t-shirt looks on you when you wear it to sleep genuinely leave him awestruck (and slightly lovesick). so, he makes it his number one priority to always be gentle to you, as if he's scared that you're on the cusp of breaking. and he treats you as such always. (unless you ask with tear-lidden eyes and trembling lips how badly you want him to demolish you because then, maybe he is ready to comply) emotionally: like almost everything else, gentle words come hard to him at the start. all he has known is tough love. so, understanding that making fun of you when you're having your weekly breakdown was the wrong choice took him a while. he's not like emotionally stunted but he still doesn't trust his choice of words to comfort you. rather, he lets the way he holds you against him and pets your head when you sob against his chest do the talking. but if you go out of your way to teach him what he should probably say when you're sad then he might have some luck with it. until then, enjoy the cuddles.

💗hugs:

do they like hugs? after starting to date you, this man realized he loves hugs. and he loves giving hugs. but he's incredibly selective and thus far the only two (2) candidates have been allowed to pass through his tedious selection process. that being you and chopper (both of you are in a binding contract so you cant tell anyone about it either). well, luffy too if you count how clingy he can get 👍🏼 how often do they do it? he does hug you atleast once a day even if it as subtle as holding you from the back, resting his head on your shoulder. what are their hugs like? his hugs are genuinely bear hugs. okay. like he will engulf you and you will stand back and allow it to happen. he doesn't really hold on too long tho, so usually you gotta pull him back towards yourself and hug him tighter when you want it to last longer. pulling him towards yourself usually ends with him smiling and pressing a chaste kiss on your temple as his hands snake around you yet again.

💗"I love you" (how fast do they say the L-word?):

i think he says it fairly sooner than you anticipate. like however long you think he will take, it takes significantly lesser time. this is because (as i said), he probably spent a long time in denial and then in pining, so, naturally by the time you got together, he was sure of his feelings for you. anyways, one of my first fics on this blog was of how zoro probably said "i love you" to you when he was drunk and forgot about it when he woke up the next day. i still stand by that. i think it was a genuine, drunken confession but when you shyly confronted him about it, he just replied, "yeah, i meant that. i love you." his words were nonchalant but you could notice the dusted pink of his cheeks when he admits it and then his unsure gaze as he looks over your face and then the ground. (truth is, he only acted nonchalant. internally he is ready to jump off the ship incase you didn't say it back. thank god you said it back.)

💗jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?):

omg this man is simultaneously the most secure and the most jealous whore in this world. does he know you're not gonna cheat on him and ignore practically any man throwing himself on you? yeah, he knows that. but does he also want to cut off all those guys' heads if they even look at you? kinda, yes. i think he gets really shy to admit he's jealous. like he'd blame his irritable temper on the weather or the fact that he got less sleep last night. but you did notice how he clenched his jaw when a random guy in the market had been ogling you. and so, you tease him relentlessly. "zoro," you laugh, poking him in the chest accusingly, "are you sure? i think there might be something else going on" "like what?" he huffs, "i just got less sleep last night." "babe are you like jealous?" "no-" "you totally are" "stop saying that" "jealoussss" as to how does he deal with it? he fucks you. quick 'n easy. (im so sorry if youre a minor and reading this, in that case he pillow fights you to death.)

💗kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?):

what are their kisses like: after a long day, he always unwinds with you. so, his kisses are usually slow. he relishes in the way your lips feels against his, the way your cheeks feel like under his palm and the way you smile at him when you pull away. there's no haste because he has you right there and you both know you're not going anywhere. but on those nights he's pent up, anger and frustration strewn across his veins, he chooses to kiss you till he forgets just what he was angry about. his kiss-bitten lips are hot against yours, his hand roughly kneading your waist as he pours his anger into your desperate kisses. where does he like to kiss you: in public, his favourite spots are definitely your cheek or your temple as they are relatively tame pda tactics but still gets the point across. he gets to show his affection towards you without making a huge show for it. he also loves kissing on your shoulder as he rests his head on your shoulder and holds onto you. he can feel your pulse under his dull, soft kisses and heard your breathy hums and moans.

💗ittle ones (how are they around children?):

well, i hate kids. so, im gonna be biased. okay i don't hate kids but i hate toddlers. fucking devil spawns. i truly believe they will sacrifice us all for the beginning of the dark ages. anyways, zoro's not great with kids in theory. but somehow, when he interacts with kids he does end up somehow being a good (annoyed) dad figure (remember when he fathered three kids? cause i do)

💗mornings (how are mornings spent with them?):

morning with this green-haired ass start with you pushing his heavy arm off of you. you mumble that you're hot, trying to turn away from him and into the cool sheet. but it's no use because he just traps you against him yet again. zoro definitely doesn't give morning person vibes so i believe you are up before he is. you run you fingers softly against his scalp, bringing down your drumming fingers to his bare shoulders. you press an innocent kiss to his forehead and smile when he leans into your faint touches. when he finally wakes up, he looks up at you through sleepy eyes. he greets you with a tired "morning" before closing his eyes and draping himself you again. "zoro" you whisper half-heartedly, "everyone else is up, come on, we should get up too" he mumbles into your skin, "they weren't the ones keeping a watch last night, were they? come on, 10 more mins." "zo-" "please" he looks up at you, flashing you a soft smile, "10 mins." "10 mins only, okay? then we get up" (well, 10? more like 2 mins. luffy started yelling about breakfast and tried to eat before the food was served. and so, sanji (naturally) kicked him to near-death, so, you both had to wake up)

💗night (how are nights spent with them?):

walking out of the shower, you dry yourself off before cladding yourself in your pajamas. your limbs feel tired, body devoid of any and all energy as you climb into your bed to relax. sometimes you read, other times you just stare at the ceilings and think about stuff (we've all been there). zoro usually slips into the room silently, closing the door behind him. he plops down next to you and you curl up against him. sometimes, you both exchange small talk, if something fun happened while the other person wasn't around or gossip you heard from nami and ussop. but most days, you both simply enjoy the silence in each other's company till you're ready to fall asleep. every once in a while, he slips into the shower with you. (keeping this kids friendly) he gently washes your scalp and you rest your bare back against his chest as you ease yourself into the warm water. you return the favor by giving him a back massage. after this youre both so tired that you immediately pass the fuck out.

💗open:

when would they start revealing things about themselves: i feel like he'd know a lot about you before you find out anything important about him. he wears his loyalty and his dreams on his arms, but you don't find out why his dreams are so important or why he is so fidgety around tashigi until you're a good few days into dating. other small things about him are revealed to you thru his actions as he never mentions them, so, be prepared to be a persistent observer. do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly: he always reveals himself in little ways, never revealing too much. not because he doesn't trust you but because he's never had to talk about anything like this out loud. but anytime he does end up telling you something, it ends up being a heart to heart conversation. also, since he does get very drunk very often canonically, i don't think he's the type to slip up and tell things only cause he's not in the right headspace. so i imagine he only tells you things sober and in solitude, further cementing his trust in you.

💗patience (how easily angered are they?):

in moments of actual anger, as a swordsman, zoro is pretty good while handling his emotions. he knows how to differentiate between irrational feelings and actual solutions needed to get to the bottom of something. so, even when he gets mad he wouldn't necessarily act on it unless and until it is truly something that makes him tick. and things that make him tick includes people talking/doing something wrong to you or anyone in the crew, in that case he's going god mode. that being said, he will get easily irritated if someone is just joking around in the crew (especially sanji). he's incredibly patient with you tho, so, don't even worry about it and just accept him dumb antics for what they are.

💗quizzes:

 how much would they remember about you? i see yall sleeping on my man and i hate it. yes, hes kind of an idiot and not the best with memory but if it's anything about you or your relationship?? best believe he knows everything like the back of his hand. but he only claims that kind of power when it comes to you cause he will not really bother to remember other stuff if its not important. do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything? even though he wouldn't outright keep saying he remembers, he will often mention it in passing. like if you bring up someone while recounting a story to him, he will probably remember the last time you mentioned that guy. that being said, his memory is still kinda ass. so, he sometimes mixes things up if they aren't that relevant to the plot. so forgive him okay? hes trying

💗remember:

 what is their favorite moment in your relationship? i def feel like zoro prefers the mundane moments with you over any extravagant things. living on sea is insane, it's one thing after the other so knowing he has you to himself even for a few hours and in those hours, he gets to do nothing but love you truly means a lot to him. he isn't a cook by any means but this one time, when the rest of the crew had gotten off at a new island to restock and had only left you and him to keep guard, you had suggested you wanted to bake a cake. "i don't know how to cook" he mumbled softly, trying to convince you otherwise, "i can only do some cutting, slashing yk" "you dont even have to do anything!! just sit there and look pretty, i can do the baking." he eventually caved in. but now the memory of you making batter while he sat on the counter, talking to you is etched onto his every nerve. there had been a little bit of flour on your eyebrow and he used his thumb to clean it away before pulling you towards him and kissing you hard. you looked up at him, "i love you" "i love you too"

💗security:

how protective are they? i feel like zoro isn't as territorially protective as one would assume. like i said in the best friend section, he is more a laid-back "i know how to kill and get rid of the body, do whatever you want" kind of a vibe. that doesn't mean that he isn't gonna be on the verge of pulling out his swords the second someone even utters a word against you (but usually his dirty looks get the job done before he even pulls out the swords) how would they protect you? slash slash, stab stab and cocky remarks at the opponent (sometimes pure, unfiltered rage) how would they like to be protected? he's the roronoa zoro, he doesn't need physical protection. that being said, he wouldn't admit it out loud but just because he doesn't need you to pull out a gun to save him doesn't mean it doesn't give him pesky, little butterflies in his stomach whenever you defend him with your words. even if its something as small as calling out someone else's jokes that were targeted at him (and were just straight up offensive). or getting into actual verbal altercations (it happened once when you were drunk)

💗try: 

how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks? not a lot, tbh. look hes tired, you're tired, just cuddle and sleep okay? that being said he does put decent amount of efforts to surprise you every once in a while. he doesn't put on an extravagant show, so, mostly his surprises are just kinda lowkey and sweet. so on your anniversary, maybe he'd finally get the stick out of his ass and accept nami's idea of booking you a table somewhere expensive. but the memorable part isn't that, the memorable part is him asking (almost) shyly if you just wanna walk around town after dinner while he holds your hand and you bitch about your crew (in a loving manner).

💗ugly:

what would be some bad habits of theirs? omg obviously the drinking!!! i know he has high tolerance and shit but bro your liver's practically CRYING RN. please introduce yourself to some healthier coping mechanisms other than drinking and going stabby-stab. i also do think he's egoistic (it lessens with time) but its still a pain in the start

💗vanity:

 how concerned are they with their looks? this man does not give two fucks about his looks, like legit couldn't care less. he does know he looks decent tho (i mean casting mackenyu was a choice, i see you oda sensei). but ever since dating you, he has been putting in little efforts. i think partially cause you bully him into having a skincare routine and showering daily and partially cause he just wants to be a pretty boyfriend to his favourite girl.

💗whole: 

would they feel incomplete without you? yes and no. this is conflicting cause on one hand, ofcourse your absence will be equivalent to having daggers through his heart. but also, he seems like the guy who hyper-focuses on themselves after a breakup. i don't think he'd feel "incomplete" without you if you both ever broke up cause however dumb he is, he knows sometimes things don't work out and that's that. besides, even if you have to go, he still have people (the crew) to love and care for. but he would feel that glaring absence and it'll take a way heavier toll than anyone anticipated (cue him blasting heavy metal in his room and face-timing perona drunk and (almost) crying. perona suggested she takes care of you which made him actually cry cause perona dont be fucking mean)

💗xtra (a random headcanon for them):

zoro is so good at doing eye makeup specifically. i mean like because of all the sword-training and all, he has really good hand-eye coordination and very precise movements. so, like if you asked him to do your liner and give him specific-ish directions for how you want him to do it, he will 100% ace it. he doesn't really do well in other departments but he can learn (if you can make him learn thru that attitude of his) also, i theorize that he's ticklish but in the randomest fucking places. one time you lovingly ran your hand through his hair, bringing it playfully down to his nape and he fuckING GIGGLED?? another time you offered him a leg-massage cause he seemed to have pulled a muscle and you were working on his calf, trying to help him out and he yelped cause it tickled???? hello what do we do with this info now?

💗yuck:

what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner? he wouldn't like judgmental people or people who are very uptight (cause although his jokes could be hit/miss, he doesn't wanna hear a fucking lecture). also dont be disrespectful to him/his friends. and also, i think he would have a thing against people who are too nosy (pre-dating mostly), like if he wanted to tell you something he would other than those basic things, he's chill.

💗zzz:

he's asleep before you can say "good night" because he's a simple man who needs to sleep 10 hours a day (minimum) see he isn't going off ruining lives, he's not fucking things up for someone else, he's just taking a nap. its like the least horrible thing he can do, let him nap. i do think he should get checked for some vitamin deficiency tho caue uh, just in case. that being said, you go to sleep now. i would too. goodnight!

a/n: loved making this so much that i might make one for literally every character ever once i get the time lol

#one piece #opla #op #roronoa zoro #one piece zoro #zoro x reader #zoro fluff #zoro fic #roronoa zoro x reader #one piece x reader #fluff #zoro sfw #the monster trio smut #zoro op #zoro one piece #vix rambles

[newyorkkiss]

135, 119, 100 :D

100: whats your most listened to playlist?

my general listening diary which i've been curating since i was 16 lol

135: what’s a music pet peeve of yours?

hm. intentional record crackling on a track. awful stuff, especially if it actually runs throughout and you can hear it. really can't stand it. there's defs other ones but that one just seems to be the one on my mind rn

119: What music did you grow up on?

putting this last bc i wnna put a post cut here cuz im just gonna go on awhile SORRY this one means a bit.

i'm putting * next to my all time albums here

for the first 13 years of my life, i would say it's 70/80s chart hits through my parents, and modern pop radio on my own. mostly the latter. the first song i ever became aware of was nelly furtado's maneater when i was 5. most of what i really did grow up around was pop radio like your generic local station shit. then my parents got cable when i was 7 which introduced me to more... curated things? i'm gonna speak in australian pay tv networks and artists here i'm sorry i hate speaking like this. but [v] (may it rest in peace for its shuttering is easily one of the worst losses i've ever experienced) was like my slow awakening to my more "alternative" tastes than the general packaged pop i'd been so used to at that point, in the way it was mostly just 2008-12 peak era (imo) triple j buzz bands and that kind of thing. artists i really remember getting into that time because of that were the presets – who'd just released apocalypso* at this point – and ladyhawke* – who had just released her self titled debut (another all timer.) very related is that modular (the label that issued these albums, and of tame impala fame) genuinely had some fucking top tier albums out in 2008, like van she's v and another all timer and pitchfork best new album in ghost colours* by cut copy. insane year for them, but back to me. i was really getting into listening to the weekly top 40 on radio around this time too. my local station was mostly syndicated programming from 2day from a certain hour. like their usual weekdaily thing was their morning show which i have never heard for some reason, then it was just local in house selected garbage that i have permanently seered into my mind now until 3 when they started the pre-record syndicated stuff like hamish and andy or kyle and jackie o. which after 5pm is when The Fucking Goods happened and you got the ill-fated hot 30 which was pretty much became a ritual thing for me when i was 9 until it was canceled when i was 11. on weekends i would listen to my beloved take 40 which i continued doing up until i was 12 and gained a proper internet connection. when i think back on this time period it it's kinda crazy how much music i was listening to and the fact it was just something i did and didn't know anybody else who was like crazy deep in music like this. but it did give me my extensive knowledge of 2000s/early 2010s popular music which i've been curating in a playlist since i was 15 that was just a comfort list turned mutant.

but the turning point in my taste came when i was 12 and got an non-poor person internet connection aka wifi, an ipad and a dream. at this point i was slowly moving away from charts and into full albums – something i never really did. one of the first albums i owned was rogue trader's here comes the drums* and that until katy perry's teenage dream were like the only albums i'd heard back to back. first album i brought in 2013 was ellie goulding's halcyon* and i pretty much burnt it to my pc and listened to it and it only for like 6 months of the year, before buying calvin harris' 18 months* on itunes when they did that u have 3 singles from this album u can buy the rest for $6 thing. by this time i was starting to get on socials and drift into fandom. one of the first ones was dan & phil who are big fans of muse and spoke about how origin of symmetry* is their fave album by them and i was like, damn i gotta check this out. from that point onwards for another like 6 months was the only album and first discogs ever sought out and listened to. through being in that fandom i started getting into music circles which happened right at the biggest turning point of my life. by mid 2014 i'd started to venture into the 2014 tumblr-core stuff; sky ferreira, vampire weekend, the strokes, grimes and twigs, and my first super hyperfixated musical act, foster the people. i was on indie twitter by this point and consumed by it and had completely stopped and refused to listen to top 40 radio which i still don't do. by 2015 i'd basically crafted my alternative taste and begun collecting vinyl. here's my top artists from my old last.fm to illustrate where i am as a 14 year old:

it pretty much stayed like this for somewhat unchanged until 2017 when i got a spotify subscription and started listening to radiohead a fair bit lol. by early 2018 i was starting to listen to fantano-core stuff and by extension got into post-punk, iceage-ajacent bands which led me to posh isolation and started my interest in noise/ambient stuff. late 2019 i started listening to the brixton windmill-ajacent bands like black midi and bc,nr and started using rateyourmusic and just discovering things over time.

im sorry that this is so long and i dont expect anybody to read this lmao 😭

[stupid-sloot-headcanons]

Please ignore this if your request box is closed.

Can I get headcanons for yandere Asano, Karma, and Asano's father. All from Assassination Classroom. Thank you🙏

Time for the Gaslighting-Your-Darling Olympics, and here are our top three champions!

Asano likely develops a fixation on a Darling based on his standards: for grades, athleticism, charm, personality, intelligence, etc. He's been raised to be the best student possible, so anyone who's better than him in some aspect will catch his interest. If this is early in the series, he may develop a fixation on a Darling for the opposite reason if they struggle a lot with their grades or are a loner, etc. They become an easy target, and Asano obsesses over them under the guise of "fixing/improving" them.

Uses his status to keep them in line, if nothing else works. What do you mean you don't want to study with Asano-kun? Everyone else in class would kill to be in your place! What, you think you're too good for the best student in the school AND the entire country? Any time Darling avoids or rebuffs him, Asano doesn't doesn't need to tell his classmates about it for them to socially punish and isolate Darling as a result.

It's hard for him to find proper relief from the stress and pressure in his life, but over time he starts to associate being around Darling to feeling relaxed. He'll find any excuse to hang out with them, and he's really good at being insistent without being too pushy. Really, it's his classmates that to most of the pressuring on Darling while he seems like someone with nothing but innocent intentions.

He'll apologize for his friends being so harsh on them whenever they don't want to hang out with him, but in reality he loves that he seems less suspicious by comparison. He can't help being popular, right? He's a Light Yagami kinda yandere, if you catch my drift; lots of hugs only for him to do that evil smirk when his face isn't visible to Darling.

Karma is the most outwardly mean in how he manipulates his Darling. The Asanos will gaslight their Darling very subtly, to seem like they aren't being manipulative at all and Darling is the one at fault for thinking that. Karma? Karma don't give a fuck, lol. He's an asshole and isn't afraid to be as blatant as possible in manipulating his Darling.

Darling would catch Karma's eye by having some interesting quality that he can't ignore. There's just SOMETHING about them that he can't put his finger on, so he'll want to figure that out by spending more and more time with them. He figures at some point he'll get bored, but somehow he never does. And that just drives him crazy, because few people can keep his interest for this long.

Will tell his Darling what to do and if they resist, he finds a way to manipulate or force them into doing it anyway. Like he'll just go to their desk and tell them they're going to have lunch with him and if they say no, he'll have found some kind of blackmail to make them eat with him. If he can't find anything like that, he'll bully and poke/prod them every day until they acquiesce. He'll smugly take them by the hand and just go "that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Is the kind of yandere where his Darling isn't sure if he hates them or likes them. He'll insult them, tease them over their biggest insecurities, belittle them, etc. But then he'll be nice to them sometimes, too; helping them with school trouble, offering advice, comforting them when they're crying (though he'll tease them and call them a crybaby after they're done, in a soft voice while having an arm around them).

He makes stalking them a fun pastime, and if anyone from class catches him blatantly shadowing Darling, he explains that he's just practicing his stealth skills to try and kill Koro-sensei. He'll break into their home, steal their clothes and other items, and enjoy just being in their room while they're out and totally unaware. If he gets bold enough he'll think about coming in while they're at home and/or sleeping when he decides to SHOW them how he feels about them.

Principal Asano is the kind of yandere to develop a fixation on a Darling that is shy and intelligent, ideally someone who works under him or defers to him in some way (eg. a secretary, student teacher/new teacher, custodial staff, deliveryperson). He also has a fondness for "domestic" Darlings, just because he likes being taken care of like that.

Knows juuuust how to skirt that line between power harassment and just being a little touchy or something. He'll have a hand on their shoulder when pointing something out or directing them, touch their hand and look them in the eye when he's thanking them or complimenting them, asking if they would be able to attend a staff mixer (you're allowed to bring your partner if you like, it's not just employees...do you have someone you'd like to bring?). In his spare time, sometimes he'll "research" their social media presence to learn more about them too.

As he gets more and more obsessed with his Darling, he'll go from fantasizing about them while touching himself to getting a strong urge to fuck them for real. He'll plan out how he'll go about "seducing" them, and ideally he'd prefer to do it by luring them back to his place; they'll have to come there at some point if they're going to be his partner, after all, so why not make their first time there a special occasion?

Once they're there for one reason or another, he'll make sure the doors are locked so that if they react poorly they can't just run out or call for help. He's the type to slip them something and then play the role of a concerned colleague that offers to let them rest at his place because they're starting to pass out. He'll take them to bed, but won't go all the way quite yet. He wants them to be awake for that. But he will strip them and fondle them, smiling when he hears them make such lewd noises in front of him for the first time. When they wake up while he's touching and kissing them, he shushes them and assures them that everything's alright. They're where they belong, with him, TO him.

Gets turned on when they weakly try to resist or pretend they aren't loving what he's doing to them, turning their head and feebly trying to push him away while they plead for him to stop. After that first night with them, he's able to manipulate them into not going to the police and eventually either quit their job or work directly under him as an assistant/secretary (if they aren't already). He'll punish them for messing up or being defiant with spankings or overstimulation/edging, and most of their job consists of cleaning his office, making and serving him lunch, and being his stress doll at work and at home whenever he wants to fuck them.

#.assassinationclassroom #yandere assassination classroom #yandere asano #yandere principal asano #yandere karma #tw: noncon #tw: gaslighting #can you tell i want to be diddled by Mr. Asano :D #.myshit

[bbyboybrock--archived]

His Secret (Colby Brock Imagine)

Summary: *REQUEST* Hi! I really loved your dark Colby fic and I was wondering if you could do another one (if requests are still open 🥺) maybe something like the reader is a YouTuber and friends with Sam and Sam knows that Colby gets kinda obsessive with girls he likes so he doesn't introduce them but one day Colby comes across one of her videos and immediately becomes obsessed with her and she ends up being quarintined in the new trap house and Sam can't really do anything to stop Colby. If you can thank you🥺

Written: 2020

Word Count: 2,111

Warnings: obsession, swearing

Masterlist

“Thanks again for letting me stay with you guys. I think if I had to be quarantined alone in my apartment, I would have lost my shit. And it’s only two weeks so I promise to be out of here as soon as quarantine is up.” I say I grab the last bag out of my car.

When news first hit that the entire country was going to shut down for two weeks, I kind of freaked. As a YouTuber, you would expect me to be okay with a few days stuck in my apartment alone. The thing is, I hate being alone so much I’m barely even at my apartment. I asked around all my friends and none of them had a spare room and didn’t feel comfortable forcing me to sleep on the couch for that long. Sam didn’t agree at first, mainly because he was moving about a week into quarantine but he called me yesterday saying I could stay with them.

It’s not that I hate being alone, it’s just that I do well with other people. The only reason why I live alone in the first place is because all of my friends already had roommates or prior living arrangements. By the time I decided to move out of my parents’ house and become a proper LA YouTuber, living alone was the only option. I spend more time at my friend’s places or relaxing in a public place. I’ve considered many times just to get some sort of pet but I can barely keep myself alive, let alone another creature.

“It’s no problem Y/N, it’s like having another roommate. Besides, we have an extra room. It wouldn’t have sat right with me if I knew you were freaking out in your apartment when you could be hanging out here.” Sam says as he helps move one of my bags.

“I love how much you get me. This is why we’re such great friends.” I close the door behind us just as Sam’s phone starts to ring.

“Oh shoot, let me get this.” Sam carefully puts my bag down and walks away to answer the phone.

I look around the house for a bit, just to see where I’m going to be living for the next two weeks. I stumble into what I think is going to be the living room. There are boxes scattered all over and a few couches. I look out the window into the backyard. I get why Sam and his roommates joked that they were moving to Hawaii, their backyard is tropical and out of place for LA. If I didn’t know any better I would have thought that I was currently in Hawaii.

“Beautiful isn’t it?” A strange voice says from behind me. I jump and nearly fall on my ass but instead I bump into someone. I turn around and meet a face that I vaguely recognize.

“Sorry, I didn’t know someone else was here. You must be Colby. I’ve heard so much about you from Sam.” I stick my hand out to properly greet Colby. Colby takes my hand and shakes it awkwardly.

“That means you must be our temporary roommate, Y/N. Sam hasn’t told me too much about you. I kind of looked you up a watched a few of your videos. Now I sound like a creep.” Colby starts to blush and nervously scratches the back of his head.

“Hey sorry about that, that was— I see that you two met already…” Sam stops dead in his tracks and looks at both Colby and me.

“Yeah, I quite literally bumped into him. Anyway, what were you saying?” I set down my bag and sit down on the counter.

“Oh yeah! That was Kat, there’s an emergency and I need to go to her place for a bit. I was going to give you a tour of the house and I know we talked about going grocery shopping together before the stores close, but we can do that when we get back.”

“Or she can stay here and I could do everything. I can show her around the house and go with her to the store. It wouldn’t be a problem.” Colby mentions. Sam looks between the two of us again, this time his eyes look concerned.

“Colby, can I talk to you in private for a second?” Colby smiles at me before following Sam into the other room. I look around the kitchen while Sam and Colby talk.

There are still boxes everywhere, but it looks pretty organized. I remember hearing about the horrors of the first trap house so who knows how long this will last. The guys moved in officially on Monday, the first day of the quarantine, but I let them spend the first two days in their new house before I came to disrupt their new lives.

“Okay, it’s set. Colby will help you out while I go help Kat at her place. I hope you don’t hate me for bailing on you right now.” Sam says as he hugs me.

“No, it’s fine. You’ve done enough helping me find a place to stay during this. Go, help your girlfriend. We’ll be here when you get back.” Sam looks at both of us suspiciously before finally leaving.

“Alright, I guess I’ll show you around the house now.” Colby grabs the bag that Sam dropped on the floor and stretches out his hand for me to take. I hesitantly take Colby’s hand and follow him through the house.

Colby and I sit in the drive-through line for Jack in the Box. We had already gone grocery shopping and decided to get something to eat to take home for lunch. The stores were packed and we barely found some of the stuff we needed. It’s like everyone is panic buying for their apocalypse shelters. We’re only going to be locked down for two weeks, I don’t get why they’re freaking out. We were in line so long that we needed to eat as soon as possible, and I don't have the energy to cook as soon as we get back.

“You know what? I’ve been friends with Sam for so long and I’ve pretty much met every single person in your friend group. It’s kind of weird that I haven’t met Sam’s other half until today.” Colby mumbles something under his breath and turns to the menu for a second.

“You like the number 2, right?” He asks.

“What? I mean, yeah I do. How did you know that?” I raise my eyebrow and stare at Colby, who is refusing to look at me.

“I guessed,” Colby rolls down his window, “Hey can I get a number 1 with a coke? And can I also get a number 2 with a Mr.Pibb, no ice, and curly fries? Oh, and stuffed jalapeño?”

“How the fuck did you get my entire order right, down to the drink and the stuffed jalapeños? Did Sam tell you or something?” I watch as Colby rolls the window back up and drives up.

“Um… this is going to sound bad. But I found your channel a few months ago and since then I’ve been a bit of a fan. You mentioned it one time in a video and I remembered it. Now you’re going to think I’m a creep and not want to stay with us anymore.” Colby ruffles his hair before reaching for his wallet. I sit quietly on the side while he pays for our food.

He did that at the store too. While we were looking for food he would just put something that I like in the cart and lead us to specific aisles that I normally go down. I guess him being a fan makes a bit of sense. I must have mentioned all that stuff in a video or live one time. I’m a creature of habit so I get the same things every time. It’s still a bit creepy, but I shouldn’t read too much into it, I’m going to be living with him for two weeks.

****

Sam and I sit in my temporary room, playing video games. I spent time with Jake, Corey, and Colby earlier but Sam could sense my social bar declining rapidly so he pulled me away. I’m sure I’ll get to know the other roommates during the two weeks I’m stuck with them for quarantine, but for now, I can only deal with them for so long. There is so much chaotic energy in this house.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask you. How was Colby earlier?” Sam asks as he passes me up in Mariokart.

“It was fine. We got everything we needed, minus the toilet paper because people are crazy. You should have told me he was a fan though, it would have made things less awkward.” Just as I’m about to red shell Sam, he pauses the game.

“What do you mean awkward? What happened?” Sam turns and locks eyes with me. His eyes droop with concern.

“I just mean, you know how fans can be. There’s a certain breed that knows just a little too much about you. It’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting it. He’s not like a creep or anything. Or at least, he didn’t try to pull anything if that’s what you’re worried about.” I turn back to the tv and press play.

I quickly red shell Sam and pull into first place. He doesn’t say anything as he drifts into second place, which normally he does. From the corner of my eye, I can see Sam biting his lip and furrowing his brows, deep in thought.

“Sam,” I sigh as I pause the game again, “if you need to tell me something, you might as well tell me now. You know, instead of weighing the outcome of telling me. What is it?” I place the remote on the floor and turn my full body to face Sam.

“Look, it’s nothing bad or really serious. It’s just… Colby.” Sam flips his hair out of his eyes and stares at me.

“What, is he some serial stalker who ends up murdering his victims?”

“No, not exactly. Wait, that sounds bad. Okay, so Colby has this… issue with getting obsessed with girls. Like in an almost creepy way. Which is why he’s single. This is starting to sound bad again. Colby has a thing for pretty girls. And you aren’t bad to look at.”

“Oh my God, Samuel you have a girlfriend.” I joke.

“Shut up, Y/N, you know what I mean. Anyway, when Colby finds a girl, he’ll get so completely wrapped up, almost like a crush but then times more intense. He’ll try to find out anything and everything he can about them. It’ll get to the point that he’ll try to get with them but then get bored because they aren’t like the person he envisioned them to be and hurt them. I knew that you had recently fallen into his radar, which is why I didn’t want you staying with us at first, but you were desperate. I’m not trying to freak you out, I’m just being honest and open. I should have told you before. I talked to him before and I guess he wasn’t paying attention.”

My breath stays stuck in my throat. I swallow hard and stare back at Sam. His blue eyes are soft like he’s afraid that I’m going to stop being friends with him because of Colby.

“He’s not going to like, jump me to anything, right?” I tuck my hair behind my ear and fix my posture.

“Of course not. He would never, but I get being worried about that after hearing everything.” Sam puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently.

“Well, quarantine is only going last for two weeks. I’m not going to be stuck here longer than that. So I can deal with this for now. Then I can move back to my apartment and we can go back to just the two of us hanging out.” I pat Sam’s arm that’s resting on my shoulder and smile at him.

“As long as you’re okay with it. If you up and leave anytime during the two weeks I won’t be offended.” Sam says smiling back.

“You know I hate being alone. Now let’s stop talking about this so I can’t go back to whipping your ass in Mariokart!” I quickly grab my controller and press play before Sam is ready.

“Hey, you fucking cheater!” He yells as he scrambles to get his controller.

#colby brock #colby brock imagine #colby brock imagines #sam and colby #sam and colby imagines #sam and colby imagine #imagine #imagines #trap house #traphouse #trap house imagine #trap house imagines #traphouse imagine #traphouse imagines #dark!Colby #dark! Colby #dark!colby imagine #dark!colby imagines #dark! colby imagine #dark! colby imagines #colby x reader #colby brock x reader

[btsandvmin]

The awkwardness is simply because they know that they are closer physically than the others and they don't want it to be too obvious. You even wrote about this and it makes total sense... The glimpses of their personal lives that we see are also very telling, or when they seem to forget a bit about the cams. Like that New Year's dance... Or the intense couch cuddles. Tae doesn't get awkward with other members because it's usually fanservice and he knows it. With JM, it's not. (part 1)

(part 2) Even holding hands, they only gradually started doing it publicly. I remember one clip of Tae instinctively trying to hold JM's hand but JM was only arranging his shirt and that was years ago. Tae got kinda awkward about it cause it was very obvious. And then they did it a few more times but as a "joke", like in that RUN episode at the attraction park. And then in 2018 they really said fuck it and started doing it constantly... How is that all forced? It's not...

(part 3) Why would the staff of BH and the members call them soulmates if they weren't actually close right now? It would just make things more awkward for them. Why would they be paired up so often for activites like in BV3? It's cause they knew that JM only could make Tae feel better. These are little things but they mean so much more than a freaking selfie on Twitter or them hanging out and telling us on social media. They are more private.

Yes, pretty much! (Though I don’t agree their interactions with other members are fanservice.) This is old but apparently still relevant since people wonder or get worried about Vmin seeming “distant/awkward” etc. to the point that they think something is wrong. Vmin has been like this on and off for years... Only difference now they are trying to be together more often in situations they might be uncomfortable in. For example being alone when there is a lot of focus on them. You can see some examples of them being awkward in the Yeontan live, the Rkive vlive, the Festa unit video, the japanese radio video, the Winter Bear vlive, in the car in ITS etc. In the BE album review from today as well you have Jimin being a bit turned away from Taehyung, but I don’t think this would be some kind of cold or annoyed behavior at all. If you notice someone being annoyed with you, you usually back off, and neither of them did that. In all these videos we also have some extremly good examples of both Vmin being very soft for each other and not being able to keep their hands off each other. For real, others who doesn’t ship Vmin can sometimes pick up on the possible tension, but them saying it is bad doesn’t mean it is bad. I keep by my observation that if there is tension between Vmin it is more likely due to them trying to tone down their behavior or not being certain what is ok or not, than that one of them makes the other uncomfortable. Again, if they so obviously got uncomfortable by sometimes really small things, then they would more likely stop doing them completely. Not start doing them more...

I see it as very unlikely myself, though I suppose not completely impossible. It just seems to go against both Taehyung’s and Jimin’s personalities to do things they don’t actually want to do to this degree. And also for what reason would they even do it. Also if something is wrong it has been for a long time and only in certain moments, which again makes me think it’s not something wrong. They are more likely holding back and being careful with how they act or come across. For example let’s say Vmin really avoid being live together. It doesn’t make sense to avoid Vlive because they hate each other or feel uncomfortable with being shipped, while they make a song about being soulmates and start beign clinger and clinger. If there is a falling out of sorts you don’t put focus on in by over compensating in a way like Vmin’s behavior would suggest. Not to mention I doubt any BTS members would 1. Be that good liars. 2. Would be comfortable with constantly telling such a lie to their fans when their goal is to be as genuine as possible.

If you haven’t checked these posts yet I go into a bit more detail: Vmin - Push and Pull Vmin – Pushing the boundaries

If a pair in BTS had problems or slightly drifted apart I would expect it to look different, for example them getting less interactions not more. I think what we are seeing more and more of could be Vmin trying to get used to showing more and being together more on camera.

Sorry for this rant, I was going through old asks and these showed up in timing with some annoying comments I have seen today about Vmin. I hope you excuse the tone of this post. 95z is love!

#vmin #vmin analysis #btsandvmin #Btsandvmin ask #Btsandvmin answer

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #359

“i’m only a crack in this castle of glass  /  hardly anything there for you to see”

Do you look better with your hair down or up? It's too short to go up. Has you mom ever directly told you that she favoured your other sibling(s) over you? Yeesh, no. Have you ever read The Outsiders? Seen the movie? Read the book, seen the movie. Adore both. What’s your favourite drink from Jamba Juice? I don't think we have those here. Can you stand eating the crusts of a slice of sandwich bread? I don't mind the crust at all. Do you do your homework at home or in class? Prior to college, I did my work right after getting home to get it out of the way. In college, I did it in-between classes or when waiting for Mom to finish class. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing drinks with other people? Yes, I never do it. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? I'm single, but hypothetically, I wouldn't... It's just a hug. At least for me, it's just a friendly gesture. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? A few things, yes. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. If you had to choose, what color is your favorite? Baby pink. How many times have you dated the person you’re with now? I’m single. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah. What color is your toothbrush? It's a white electric one. Do you normally fall asleep fast or slow? Ridiculously slow. Have you ever had a severe allergic reaction? No. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? I'd love to dress up as like a Ms. Oogie Boogie and take some cool pictures, but I highly doubt it'll actually happen. What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Do you still look in the toy aisle, or do you pass it by? I walk past it. What are your summer fashion essentials? I don't have fashion essentials for any season. Do you have your own website? For my photography, yeah. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? Ha, no. I worked in retail before and I fucking sucked. Do you like candy corn? NO. Just colored wax, ugh. Do you like to wear skirts? I don't wear anything that shows my legs. Were you happy as a kid? Yeah. That, talkative, and hyper. Favorite store to browse but not really buy anything? Haha, I LOVE going on MorphMarket now and again to browse the ball pythons especially, but boy if I had the cash and space would I buy like fifty of them at once. I don't really know about a store I like browsing but not buying from. Skittles or Sour Patch Kids? Both are great, but I guess Sour Patch Kids. BUT, if you throw SOUR Skittles in there... then it's a war lol. If tattoos were free, how many would you have? A HELL OF A LOT. I wanna be just about totally painted. Do you wear a retainer at night? Not anymore. I had one, but I stopped using it. Are you afraid of dolls, puppets, or clowns? I'm not a doll person, particularly porcelain ones. When you’re in your room, do you keep the door locked? No. It's not even closed. Do you think your face is mostly symmetrical? Actually no, and I'm self-conscious about it. Stupidest thing you have ever said out loud? OH Christ, I'm not retrospecting on this. What’s your least favourite ice-cream flavour? That I've actually tried, strawberry. It's disgusting. What was the last good news you heard? I got approved for TMS therapy! Who was the last person to comment on your Facebook status? My friend Lyndsey. How did you meet him/her? World of Warcraft. She's actually my guild master, and she is the sweetest damn person. Have you ever learned any self-defense? If not, would you be interested in learning? I haven't, but yeah, I'd like to. When was the last time you took a nap? How long was it? Yesterday. For some reason, I actually slept a LONG time, like at least three, but probably close to four, hours. I mean I was tired, but I didn't feel THAT tired. Do you like Gushers? YAAAAAAAAAAS What would you do if you could do anything without failing? Actually get a degree for SOMETHING. What is your native language? English. Do you have a younger brother or sister? A younger sister. If so do/did they really get on your nerves? No. We were very close as kids, but we've drifted apart. Now, she absolutely doesn't get on my nerves. I'm so proud of her. Name something that happened to you that was completely unexpected. Uhhh I dunno. Do you judge people that have multiple piercings? Lol wtf? No. Do you watch the Olympics? No. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had Kix cereal. Do you like orange juice? Yes. So long as it doesn't have pulp in it. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away? It depends on the size of the cage as well as how long you're away. Do you have a pet gecko? No, but I'd love a fat-tailed gecko. Are you scared of reptiles? Not at all, I adore them. Is your car messy? I don't have my own car. Mom's kinda is, though. It needs a wash badly, but because of her bumper literally being zip-tied on, she doesn't trust going into a car wash. And neither of us are about to do it manually, lol. Have you ever seen the show 16 and Pregnant? No, fuck that show. Do you buy expensive clothes? No. Does death scare you? Not really. What are your current goals? Conquer my social anxiety, get a job, lose weight, do something to strengthen my legs... Those are the four biggies. Do you clap or cheer when at a concert? I did both at the one I've been to. Do you drink coffee? What brand? No. Do you use a comb or brush? A comb. When you were younger, did you ever do that exclamation point that looked like an upside down triangle and had a really big dot? No. I loved the cutesy girl handwriting though, haha. I just could never do it. You’re locked in a room with the person you last dated, any problems? Well yeah, we're locked in a room lmao. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed? It's perfectly fine, we're best friends. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you get mad when people smoke around you? Yes. Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? Yeah, more than once. When was the last time you were on a city bus? Never. Do you have a garden? Does it have flowers, vegetables, or both? No. Where do you want to raise your kids? Who said I even want kids? Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? Yessssss, good shit. Have you ever seen a ghost? I think I have. Have you ever burned an ant with a magnifying glass? No. Have you ever been to craigslist.com? Yes. Have you ever used Nair? Yes, on my legs. It works, I just have stupidly hairy legs that need so much to get it all. How many tabs do you have open and what are they? Two YouTube tabs and then Tumblr. What browser do you prefer to use? Chrome. What room are you in right now? My bedroom. Are you excited for anything this month? 1.) I get my tattoo on the 19th, and 2.) I start TMS next Wednesday. What language course did you take in school, if any? I barely survived one semester of Latin, then I did all four available German courses. What language would you most like to learn? I'd love to improve my German. What would you like to get a degree in? Photography. What book are you reading, what genre is it and do you like it so far? Wings of Fire: The Brightest Night. It's young adult fantasy, I think. Did you ever sometimes flip through your text books even when you didn’t need to? Yeah, mainly to just look at pictures because I was that bored in class, haha. What types of magazines do you read? None. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? Play a video game. What’s your current relationship like with the person you lost your virginity to and do you wish it was different? We don't have any relationship anymore. I don't regret losing it to him, if that's what you're asking. If you mean our relationship stance, it'd be nice to still be in touch with him, but I know it wouldn't be healthy for me. Have you ever felt responsible for someone’s death? Pets, yes. No humans. What was the last book you recommended to someone? Idk. What’s the most difficult thing you and your current or last significant other have gone through? Distance was very hard. What’s your best memory with your ex? I'm going to assume this refers to "the ex." In which case, we were "play arguing," and I came storming into the kitchen after him to make a point, and I slid mid-sentence, and he caught me. We just held each other laughing our asses off. It's the simple things, man. Who was the last person that asked to hang out with you and what’s the story of how you met that person? Summer. My little sister and her were in pre-k together and became friends, but I gradually became closer to her than Nicole did when we were teens. Has anyone ever asked you out and you turned them down? Yes. Is there something you generally always ask for help with? Yeah. Like recently I've been having apples and peanut butter a lot, and I ask my mom to cut the apple because I'm terrified of knives. Do you feel comfortable telling people how much you weigh? NOPE. Have you looked at any old photos of yourself lately? No. In a relationship, have you ever been on and off with your partner? No. Do you consider cooking to be an art? Yes. Are you a fast or slow reader? I'd say I read at a moderate pace. Does it take a lot to gross you out? It depends on what it is, but I am actually more squeamish than I used to be.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''castle of glass'' by linkin park

[sunlightdances]

Light a Flame (College!Steve Rogers x Reader)

Author: Katie @sunlightdances​ Title: Light a Flame Pairing: College AU Steve Rogers x Fem Reader Rating: PG-13 (for language) Summary: Big, sweet, blonde idiot Steve and slightly idiot reader. Our faves! You’re paired with Steve Rogers for a project. Captain of the debate team, track and field star, and actual intelligent man… which just made you more furious. It would be one thing if he was an idiot. But he wasn’t, and you needed an A in this class to get through the rest of the year unscathed. Disclaimer: I don’t own Steve Rogers, or Marvel. Please don’t repost my work on any other sites without my permission! Author’s Note: Special thanks to @lipstickandvibranium​ for reading this over for me! If you like this, please reblog and give me some feedback! Also check out my masterlist for other pairings and stories.

As a general rule, you tried not to dislike people, or hold grudges.

It didn’t do any good, even if at the time your reason for being upset was completely justified. You were considering changing your stance after meeting Steve Rogers, however.

He seemed perfect - perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect teeth -- but you got a glimpse at the real person under the mask when you were paired together for a politics project.

He was-- you couldn’t even put it into words.

Smug.

Self righteous.

A pain in the ass.

(Also the most attractive person you’ve seen up close, with his sharp jaw and deep blue eyes, and the way he laughed--)

Okay, maybe you could put it into words. Still, it did nothing to help your situation, because you were stuck with him for the semester. Him and his know-it-all attitude.

Steve Rogers. Captain of the debate team, track and field star, and actual intelligent man… which just made you more furious. It would be one thing if he was an idiot. But he wasn’t, and you needed an A in this class to get through the rest of the year unscathed.

You stew silently as you sit in the library and wait for him. He’s almost an hour late, and you’re thinking of a million witty retorts for when he finally shows up, but it all flies right out of your head when he comes jogging into the library, eyes a little wild and hair windswept.

He spots you, and his shoulders slump. He gets to you in a few long strides.

“I’m sorry--”

“I took off work to be here today--” you start, angrily.

“I know, and I didn’t mean to be late, but I got caught up--”

“It’s common decency to be on time! Especially when one person has already rearranged their schedule--”

He almost collapses into the chair across from you, wiping his hand down his face. “I said I was sorry. It won’t happen again.”

He sounds genuinely upset, and for the first time, you’re not sure how to respond. “... Are you okay?”

He waves a hand dismissively. “Fine. Let’s just get to work.”

The two of you debate for what feels like hours. Steve wants to present a moral argument on an issue, you want to present a logical argument on the same issue… honestly, you wonder if Professor Coulson realized what he was doing when he paired you together.

After an especially long yawn from Steve, you feel your patience wearing thin. “You know what? I’m calling it. Don’t want to bore you to death.”

He looks taken aback. “Sorry?”

“You haven’t done anything but act bored and like you’d rather be anywhere else since you got here. So I’ll save you the trouble and finish the rest of the presentation myself.”

Angrily, he stands, mirroring you. “We haven’t decided on anything yet.”

“I don’t need your input.”

“Look, I don’t know what I did to piss you off so much--”

“Besides your general…” You gesture vaguely in his direction, immediately regretting it when his eyes go cold and a bitter smile shows up on his face.

He nods. “Okay. Well, I won’t keep you.”

You had visions of leaving him there, sitting there alone like he had done to you, but instead the door clicks with a kind of finality that you weren’t expecting to feel so guilty about as he leaves, and you’re alone again.

.

.

.

It starts raining while Steve is walking back to his apartment, but he barely notices. He’s surprised there isn’t steam coming off of him with how hot with anger and embarrassment he feels after his encounter with you.

He doesn’t understand why he lets you get under his skin this way.

He wishes you would just see him for once.

You and he have had classes together for years, but have never really been in the same social circles, or been paired up on anything together.

It doesn’t mean he’s never noticed you before.

He remembers the first time he ever saw you vividly. And he kinda hates himself for it, because while he remembers every detail of that moment, he doubts you do.

He sticks his foot in his mouth every time you come within five feet of him, and now you hate him.

He gets to his apartment and is literally dripping wet, Bucky pulling open the door before he can put his key into the lock, eyes widening.

“What the hell happened?”

“She hates me.” He hangs his sodden jacket on a hook by the door, tossing his keys into the bowl on the small table. “I was late, and I tried to apologize—”

“Jesus. How you’ve managed to mess this up so spectacularly, I have no idea.”

“Fuck off,” Steve groans, heading to his bedroom to change out of his wet clothes, seething the entire time.

“All I’m saying,” Bucky’s voice drifts through the closed door, “Is that you finally have the chance to get to know the girl, and now you can’t even get that right?”

Steve grits his teeth. “Remind me why we’re friends again?”

He opens the door to see Bucky’s grinning face.

“Because no one else would put up with your dramatic ass for their entire lives.” He follows Steve to the kitchen, sitting at one of the bar stools while Steve pulls out a bowl and some cereal.

“She wouldn’t even let me explain why I was late, and I apologized straight away… she’s impossible. We’re both going to fail this project because she hates me so much she’d rather take a failing grade than work with me.”

Bucky looks skeptical. “Why were you late?”

Steve sighs, knowing he’s going to get shit for this no matter how hard he defends himself. “I was talking to Sharon—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Bucky exclaims, face twisted in exasperation. “For what? For the final nail in your coffin? Jesus, dude—”

“She asked me to call her! I thought something was wrong.”

Bucky puts a hand on his shoulder, “I say this with the most love a best friend can say this with: you really have to get a grip. You and Sharon broke up months ago.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It is when you have feelings for someone else!”

Steve groans, letting his forehead hit the counter top. “You know, she wasn’t the nicest person in the world either, but I don’t think she’s getting chewed out by her best friend right now.”

Bucky snorts. “Yeah, well. She doesn’t have me for a best friend, does she?”

.

.

.

MJ and Peter stare at you in disbelief.

“You said what?” Peter asks, eyes wide.

“He was late! By a lot!”

MJ shakes her head. “You told him his general existence is why you don’t like him? Girl.”

You feel your cheeks reddening. “I know, I know. I just— I got so angry, and it just came out.” You bury your face in your hands. “I’m the worst.”

“You’re not the worst,” Peter assures you. “You just suck at having a crush on someone.”

You glare at him.

You have no idea how you let it get this far. You tend to be standoffish when you like someone, because you’re afraid of the inevitable, that they won’t like you back and that you’ll be stuck pining after someone.

But the truth? The truth is that Steve Rogers has a way of pushing your buttons like no one else, while simultaneously being the nicest, most attractive person you know.

“I should apologize.” You mutter, so quiet Peter and MJ actually lean closer to hear you.

“What?”

“I said I should apologize.” You groan. “I’m never going to live this down. He’s just--”

“Super hot?” MJ finishes, eyebrow raised.

You groan again, and try to tune out the laughter of your friends.

Hours later, in the quiet dark of your apartment, glasses perched on your nose, you open a blank email.

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Sorry

Steve,

Sorry for bailing on our project planning session today. I’m also sorry I was a huge jerk. I had a bad day and took it out on you.

Can we meet another day this week to finish up?

Sorry again.

You hit send before you can second guess it, and hope that you didn’t screw up as monumentally as you think you might have.

An hour later, a ping from your computer wakes you up, and with bleary eyes, you read:

To: [email protected] From: [email protected] Subject: Re: Sorry

I’m sorry too, for being late. And for arguing so much. I’m free tomorrow after 1pm if that works for you.

You’re surprised, but relief takes over you as you finally fall asleep.

.

.

.

Steve is fidgety, and he doesn’t do fidgety. He’s usually calm and collected, but he knows he was a jerk the night before, and it doesn’t sit well with him.

He’s also a little worried that you’re going to yell at him again, which-- fair, but not really what he wants to deal with.

He sees you come into the Starbucks and waves from the table he’s claimed towards the back, hoping that being in a more public place will deter you from any violence. Not that he thinks you’d resort to that. But who knows, at this point.

“Hey.” You say quietly when you get closer, dumping your bag on the empty chair across from him.

“Hi.”

An uncomfortable silence settles over the two of you.

“Look, we already emailed about it, so can we skip the awkward apologies and just get to work?”

Relief floods him. “Yeah. Absolutely.”

“Great. I’m going to order a coffee.”

You’re back in a few minutes, and start digging out notebooks and color-coded spreadsheets, and he has a minute to be impressed before you meet his eyes, arching your eyebrows.

“So this is what I’ve done over the last three weeks. I’ve got all the info here, but we need to make it look presentable. Lucky for us, you’re the art major.”

“Art history--”

You wave a hand, “You can draw. I’ve seen you doodle.”

He snorts. “Okay.”

You look at him again, “If you don’t want to, we can make it digital, but I just thought it would be better--”

Steve runs a hand over his jaw, “No, you’re right. It would look more authentic. It’s the least I can do, too. You know. To make up for yesterday.”

Steve feels you staring at him, and he fidgets again. He has no idea what you’re looking for, but he can imagine what you see. The circles under his eyes, the stubble from the few days he hasn’t shaved… he’s a mess. And you got caught up in it just by the bad luck of being his partner on this project.

“Why were you late yesterday, anyway?” You ask finally.

Steve busies himself tearing the label off the side of his coffee cup. “My ex called.”

He watches you go rigid, and for a horrifying moment, he thinks maybe he got this all wrong. Maybe you do see him the way he sees you, and now he’s just admitted that he was late to meet you because of his ex, and--

“We were together for a long time and she has an aunt that’s sick, when she called I--”

“I get it. You don’t have to explain yourself.” The spark he’s used to seeing in your eyes - especially when bantering with him -- is completely gone. He almost wishes Bucky was here to kick his ass.

You go back to organizing your notes, and the moment is gone.

He can’t help but think he’s managed to fuck this up again.

.

.

You don’t know why you’re acting like this.

So Steve still keeps in touch with his ex, so what. Why do you care so much? He said it himself, she’s got a sick aunt, and maybe the breakup was amicable, because Steve Rogers is totally that type of guy.

It’s impossible not to like him, as you’re slowly discovering.

You’re annoyed that when he admitted why he was late, it felt like getting doused in cold water. But then-- the look on his face when he saw you deflate a little… what was that about? His eyes were pleading… for what? Understanding?

Your head hurts.

You haven’t even been here for a half hour and Steve is already so far under your skin you’ll be amazed if you get out of this project unscathed.

Steve draws up some quick drafts of the posters for your project and you give him some input here and there, but the conversation is minimal and quiet.

Every now and then you can feel his eyes on you. Those big, sad, blue eyes… you’re just so confused by him. He normally seems so put together, so sure of himself, but now it’s the opposite. You can’t believe that you have something to do with it.

Because you’re no one special, or at least that’s what you think.

You have no idea that Steve would disagree.

.

.

.

A few days go by without any word from Steve.

A quick email is sent to check in on his progress, but that’s it. You don’t know why you feel so gloomy about it.

“What are you thinking about? Steve?” MJ asks, tossing a pillow at you from the bed across from yours.

“What?”

“You know. Tall, blonde, handsome?”

You roll your eyes. “I’m not thinking about him.”

She chuckles. “Wow. You suck at lying.”

“He’s probably busy.”

MJ narrows her eyes. “And that doesn’t bother you at all?”

You set your chemistry textbook down with a thump. “Is there a point to this?”

“You like him. You’re both idiots. You should just tell him already and put him out of his misery. Maybe then you can actually get a good grade on this project instead of trying to tiptoe around it.”

“You know what? I’m hungry. I’m going to go to the dining hall.”

You shove on some boots and a jacket and leave before MJ can say anything else that you’re not ready to hear.

On your way, your head is spinning. There’s just no way that Steve likes you. And there’s no way you like him either! You-- you barely tolerate him. You’re from two different worlds… there’s no way it would work.

Besides, it sounds like things are weird with his ex. You have no desire to get in the middle of anything like that.

So lost in your thoughts, you round a corner, and run straight into an absolute brick wall of a man. You almost fall, but your yelp startles him into action and he grabs your arm, yanking you upright.

“Shit,” he curses, “Are you okay?”

“Fine!” You squeak.

“Oh,” He says, “I know you. You’re Steve’s project partner.”

You blink up at him before you recognize him as Steve’s friend, Bucky. “Hi. Sorry about that.”

“No problem.” He frowns. “Aren’t you supposed to be working on that thing with Steve right now?”

It’s your turn to frown. “What are you talking about? I haven’t heard from him all week.” You think the hurt at Steve being basically off the grid after you thought you’d had a breakthrough shows on your face.

Bucky sighs, eyes closing, tipping his head back like the weight of the universe is suddenly on his shoulders. “What an idiot.”

“Excuse me?!”

His eyes fly open. “Not you! Him. Definitely him. Listen, I gotta go.” He takes two steps before turning back to you, his voice suddenly much more serious. “Do me a favor and don’t give up on him, okay?”

“Uh-- okay,” you say, still not really sure what he’s talking about.

He leaves and you go grab some dinner, wondering when the hell your life got this confusing.

.

.

.

The door bursts open and Bucky comes through it, eyes flashing. “You know, I could just strangle you right now.”

Steve glances up from his seat on the couch, thumbing through a paperback he’s already read four times. “What?”

“Tell me why I just, quite literally, ran into your project partner at the dining hall when she’s supposed to be at the library working with you, like you’ve been telling me for the last three days.”

Steve sighs. Bucky continues.

“Also tell me why she looked like someone kicked her puppy when she said she hasn’t heard from you at all this week.”

Steve clenches his jaw. No matter what he does, he keeps fucking this up. He’s not trying to hurt you, or avoid you, it’s the last thing he wants. But he has to get his shit straight before he even thinks about telling you how he feels.

“You’ve been telling me for days that you were going to study with her and finally tell her that you’re crazy about her.” Bucky sits down next to Steve, actually looking a bit angry, and not just amused like he has all the other times before. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

“I had to-- I saw Sharon today.”

Bucky’s eyes darken, “You absolute--”

“I told her I can’t keep seeing her.” When it appears like Bucky is going to hold off on his tirade for now, Steve plows on, “I told her I wanted to be her friend, that I’d be there for her if her Aunt Peggy gets worse, but that’s it. I can’t meet up for coffee, I can’t text her every day like she wants. I ended it, for good this time.”

Bucky still looks suspicious. “She was fine with that?”

“I think she realized that we were still acting like we’re a couple without actually being together.”

“What are you going to do now?”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose. “I think I have some serious groveling to do. I just didn’t want to say anything without talking to Sharon first. It wouldn’t have been fair to either of them.”

Bucky lays a heavy hand on Steve’s shoulder. “You’re a better person than you give yourself credit for, you know.” A beat. “Sorry for saying I wanted to strangle you.”

Steve laughs.

.

.

.

A knock on the door brings you out of your thoughts, but you make no move to get up. MJ is on her feet anyway, so she pulls open the door and you hear a few murmured words before she turns to you.

“Your friend is here.”

She moves and you see him, looking sheepish as he hovers in the doorway.

“I just remembered I have to meet Peter. To talk about the thing. Be back later.” MJ says, the traitor, and leaves you alone with Steve, who looks a bit lost as he shuts the door behind him and steps inside.

“I can go if you’re busy…” He says quietly.

You shrug. “Didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

Steve’s shoulders slump. “I know. I’m sorry.” He takes a few tentative steps towards you. “Can I sit?”

You shrug again. It figures, now that he’s actually here, you’re unable to string two words together.

“Can I tell you something?” He doesn’t wait for a response. “I was really happy when I saw we were paired together for this project. I-- I thought you hated me, and I like you, so you can imagine how much that sucked.” He hears your quick intake of breath and smiles, but keeps going. “I thought this was my chance. To get to know you, for you to get to know me. But I keep fucking it up.”

You can’t really believe what you’re hearing. Despite yourself, your heart rate picks up.

“I know I-- people think whatever they think about me. That I’m some-- some hero, some perfect person, and I…” he shakes his head, “I’ve never known how to live up to that. But when I actually wanted to be that person around you, I just turned into the biggest asshole on the face of the Earth.”

“Steve, wait.” You interrupt him, unable to handle the look on his face for another second. “We’re both idiots, okay?” Out of instinct, you reach for his hand, your decision solidified when he grips yours right back, no hesitation. “I wasn’t very nice to you either. I didn’t even try to ask if you had something else going on.”

“I’m a control freak and too competitive.” He arches his eyebrows, almost like he’s daring you to contradict him.

“I’m too sarcastic and overreact.”

“I can’t stand the thought of people hating me, so I try to make everyone happy even when it’s impossible.” He says quietly, looking down at your joined hands.

“Your ex?”

“That’s done.” Steve says, and you feel the conviction in his words, giving you the courage you need to meet his eyes again. “It doesn’t make up for the fact that I let my outside stuff influence me enough to be a jerk to you. But it won’t happen again.”

Suddenly, with more confidence than you feel, you stand, tugging Steve to his feet. “Come on, I have an idea.”

.

.

.

Steve follows you in a daze, his brain rapidly trying to process everything that just happened. He apologized, like he should have done weeks ago. He cleared the air with Sharon, like he should have done weeks ago.

He told you he likes you.

You didn’t really respond, but he almost doesn’t care. Because the negative tension that used to be in the air between you is gone, and you’re still holding his hand, tugging him with you to God knows where.

A stop at the coffee cart, and then you’re pulling him into the library. He looks down at you, and you smirk.

“Time to pay up, Rogers. We’re getting an A on this project if it kills us.”

Your voice is decidedly flirty, and Steve sort of feels like he’s been hit over the head with something heavy. That smile aimed at him? Designed to kill.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” He agrees, chuckling.

You don’t leave the library until very late.

He holds your hand again on the walk back.

Four days later, you do your presentation with Steve, and even your professor looks amazed at how it goes off without a hitch. The original artwork Steve did to help illustrate your points had people coming up to get a closer look afterwards, and if Steve preens a little at the proud look in your eyes as you glance at him, well who could blame him?

“Let’s get coffee,” he says afterwards, pulling you off to one side. He can’t get over the soft way you’re looking at him, and would do just about anything to spend more time with you today.

He’s still half worried that now that the project is done, you’ll go back to acting like he doesn’t exist.

The coffee shop just off campus is quiet when you get there, and even though you roll your eyes, you agree to let Steve buy your coffee. As he waits for your order, he watches you out of the corner of your eye as you pick a table by the window, the sun hitting your profile, and for a minute he’s totally dumbstruck.

Sitting down across from you, your fingers graze his when he hands you your cup, and he’s about to ask you out, for real this time, when you beat him to the punch.

“I never really responded to what you told me the other night.”

Steve swallows hard, trying to act nonchalant. “Oh?”

You roll your eyes. “I-- god. Stop looking at me like that!”

He can’t help it, he grins. “Like what?”

“Smug. Like you already know what I’m going to say. Do you look at all the girls like that?”

His smile softens. “No. Not all of them.”

Something warm unfurls in Steve’s chest as he watches you take in his words, your entire demeanor turning shy.

“Anyway, like I was saying--” You say, “You told me you liked me.”

Steve feels like his palms are going to start sweating. “I did.”

“I never said anything.”

“No,” he agrees, “You didn’t.”

You shift a little bit, and it sort of makes him hopeful that you seem nervous, even though the last thing he wants is for you to be uncomfortable. “I guess I-- I sort of like you too.”

Steve laughs, “Oh, you guess you sort of like me - my, oh my. How will I ever recover from this romantic confession?” He presses his hand to his heart.

“I take it back - I hate you.” You say, crossing your arms over your chest.

“No, you don’t.” He says, smug. “I think my plan worked.” He leans a little farther over the tabletop so he can grab your hand again.

You snort. “Oh yeah, your plan absolutely worked and definitely didn’t backfire at all.”

“You’re here, aren’t you?” Steve says, absolutely in awe of the feeling coursing through him right now. Is this what being smitten is like? It’s probably an old-fashioned thought, but he doesn’t care.

He tugs a little bit on your hand so you’re leaning forward too, and then he’s pressing the gentlest of kisses to your lips, holding your hand while his other hand reaches up to cradle your jaw. He thinks if he opened his eyes he would see literal sparks, and sighs when you melt into him.

“There.” He says, voice husky, as you pull apart. “Does that convince you?”

“You’re still a pain in the ass, Steve Rogers.”

“Back at you, honey.”

End

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers au #steve x reader #steve rogers imagine

[humanmoodring-retired]

Familiar Faces || (Not) Nadia & Regan

TIMING: Current  LOCATION: Nadia and Regan’s apartment building PARTIES: @kadavernagh and @humanmoodring  SUMMARY: Regan sees a familiar face while picking something up from the apartment. Nadia does, too.

The girl whose apartment Nadia left was still alive, a fact that surprised even her as she sat on the stairs and made sure the straps of her heels were still on tight. She’d planned on killing the girl, had thought about it as they made out in the bathroom of Flaming Mo’s and in the Uber ride, but she’d just… decided she wasn’t feeling it. So she’d put her clothes back on and left without even really giving a goodbye. Sometimes, she reminded herself, things had to be played safe. She couldn’t go on a bender every night; even if White Crest did have an unnervingly high crime rate, she was seen going home with these people. She couldn’t get caught, not when she as so, so fucking close to getting everything that she wanted. She had a life that was totally hers. She just had to make sure she could hold on to it for good, or she’d kill it in the process.

Knowing that she’d have to walk back to Norma’s, Nadia paused on the steps and looked around, trying to figure out which direction she should go. She hadn’t even realized how close she was to Nadia’s old apartment. She frowned, looking over at the three-story building. There weren’t any lights on except on the first floor. Which, that shouldn’t have been surprising. It was late. Dr. Screamsalot probably had an early bedtime. And that wicked little old lady on the first floor didn’t sleep. Nadia knew that. She remembered. One time she’d walked back to the apartment, covered in soot and dust from climbing out of an abandoned building, and the woman had just been staring out the window, watching Nadia as she entered. Nadia didn’t dare look for her now. Instead, she glared up at the empty third-floor apartment, bitter that her empath of a host managed to ruin that life for her. If she’d just been able to kill Regan and Kaden… Fuck, she really could’ve had it all. And now she was definitely locked out thanks to wards and absolutely bullshit. She walked a bit closer to the apartment, rubbing her arms against the chill, and huffed out a low breath after looking away. Whatever. She didn’t need anything in there. Whatever. She was so lost in her own head that she didn’t even hear the person approaching her on the sidewalk.

How many books did Nadia have up here, anyway? Regan’s fingers froze as she reached for one of the expansive bookshelves in Nadia’s apartment, hovering near the spines. She hated being up here alone. The place was covered with a thick coat of dust, and she could see her footprints against the floor. The only person who had stopped in here in months. Or at least, the only person who left footprints. She wondered if Nadia had drifted in, if she could even bring herself to. It was alien to think that just four or five months ago, the two of them would have been curled up on Nadia’s couch with ice cream as they plucked away at the work they’d taken home with them. No longer. But Nadia did ask her to pick something up for her. Who had a use for so much poetry? That was what most of these books were, right? At least on this shelf. Regan grazed the rows of books for the title Nadia had requested until she located it. Spanish. She pulled it out and flicked it open to see if there was anything overtly special about it, but it didn’t seem so. She turned to leave, book in hand, and thought better of it. Why only bring one book for Nadia? She pulled a few others from the shelves, aiming for a diverse selection, and shuffled back out the door.

Outside, sharp Fall air pricked at her nose. Cleared it of the dust and stuffiness that had taken root inside the building she and Nadia used to call home. Regan’s gaze drifted around, and she briefly considered knocking on Ms. Carmody’s door and saying something to her. She never had many friends -- Regan scarcely saw anyone visiting her -- and she had been kind enough to be wondering where her neighbors had left to. But she couldn’t give a satisfactory explanation for her whereabouts, nor Nadia’s, and it seemed like it would be safer for everyone to leave quickly and silently. There was someone out here, though; Regan froze at the sight of another woman, whose features came into focus as she got closer. “Oh, Nadia. I got your--” Regan looked down to her arms, stuffed with books “--Well, I got the one you wanted, plus several others. I know you’re often bored, and it isn’t like I have a thriving social life, so I don’t mind turning the pages for you.” She exhaled a long sigh, twisting around to look back up toward the second floor. It didn’t feel like home anymore. It didn’t really feel like anything. “It’s strange. Being back here.”

Well, maybe Nadia would see one of her old neighbors, afterall. And just the one she didn’t want to see. She’d prefer the old woman, honestly, for all her old people stares and judgement. And yet, Regan didn’t even seem to realize exactly who she was. “Uh, books. Yeah, I can see that.” Apparently, Regan and her host had made up. She wondered how that explanation had gone. Not as poorly as she’d thought it would, apparently. Strange. This also meant that Nadia Diaz was fine, or at least still on this plane. It was kind of impressive. Nadia didn’t think the girl had what it took to actually hold on. Still, it might’ve had something to do with not being completely dead. Ghosts held on to the things that made them feel most alive, and nothing would make a gal feel more alive than her actual body. Too bad it was Nadia’s, now. “That’s so sweet. I totally appreciate it.” She walked a bit closer, looking at the books in Regan’s hands. Well, at least she could have fun with this. “Huh. Spanish. You know, I actually can’t even read that,” she mused. She probably should have, seeing as how Nadia could, but eh. Didn’t matter, in the end. She looked up at the apartment, a frown sinking onto her face. “Yeah. It’s pretty fucking weird.”

As soon as Nadia spoke, Regan could tell that something was off. She wasn’t speaking like herself, not really. She sounded more like the redhead who had commandeered her body for several months. She looked different, too -- more substantial, and instead of the jeans and jacket that Nadia always wore these days, she now sported a short dress and heels. “You changed clothes. How?” She narrowed her eyes at Nadia but didn’t have it in her to question things further. She could only hear Deirdre’s admonishments. “I’m fairly certain you said you could, at one point. You indicated that this book -- well, one of them -- that it was important to you.” Regan shifted her weight between her feet as she sidled closer to her car. The windows and mirrors were still blown out of it, but, slowly, she was coming to the point where she thought she might be able to repair them. Less things shattered around her now. She looked at Nadia again. Back at her car. Was she coming? Nadia seemed to struggle to stay inside of it, but on the other hand, it seemed only appropriate to ask if she wanted a ride back. If this was Nadia. And Regan was less and less sure by the second. “Do you need anything else here?”

“I change my clothes daily, Regan. It’s one of the main steps towards practicing proper hygiene.” Nadia gave the banshee an easy smile. This was fun. It was like a game, seeing what she could say around these people before they caught on that something wasn’t right. She’d only started playing it recently, had only really had a reason to recently. For six years, no one had given a shit, and, now that they did, it was kind of fun to mess with their heads. Almost as fun as killing people. That was another recent development; she wondered why it took her so long. Murder was kinda the shit. “Sure, sure. I mean, I can sound out the words. They sound nice. Can’t read ‘em, though.” She walked closer to Regan’s car and raised an eyebrow at the damage to it. “Nah, I don’t need anything from here.” She looked at the apartment complex with more bitterness than she could possibly comprehend. The streetlamp near them flickered, but Nadia didn’t pay it much mind. “Not like I could fucking get in, anyway.” Whichever of Nadia’s friends that had put up those goddamn wards made sure of that. She’d just won this body. She had no desire to lose it all because she wanted to grab some extra cash that she’d stored under the floorboards.

“I’m aware of the importance of maintaining proper hygiene. You know that. And that isn’t what I-- you’ve been wearing the same thing for weeks, until now.” Or maybe she wasn’t. Maybe this really wasn’t Nadia, and Regan was instead standing face to fact with the dangerous criminal who thought she could get away with destroying Nadia’s life and running away with her body. The dress, the pattern of speech, the mannerisms. It would have been enough to make her blood boil only a few weeks ago, but now, even scraping together what remained of herself into a pile, all she could muster was a half-formed screech twisting inside of her lungs. Was there anything Regan could even do about this situation if this was Cordelia? They needed her body for the-- for what they were going to do. But she was under no delusions; Cordelia wouldn’t come easily or without a fight, and Regan refused to be party to that. “Because of the papers,” she said flatly, not asking for confirmation or correction, “I need you to remind me, Nadia -- what was it that you said you wanted the book for?”

For just a moment, Nadia cocked her head to the side, trying to get a read off of the strange woman in front of her. Unlike the last time they’d met, when she’d revelled in the banshee’s fear, there was a lot… less. It wasn’t anywhere near as overwhelming as it had been. She grinned. “Yeah, guess I have. But, hey,” she put her arms up and looked down at her dress, “I look great, right?” It was kind of cold, but, really, when did she ever give a shit about that? She wondered if Regan was gonna be the one to out her, or if they’d just keep playing this game. They were too out in the open for Nadia to even try to kill her. Even she wasn’t ballsy enough to risk getting caught killing someone on their doorstep. “Because of the wards, yeah. Call ‘em what they are. They don’t like people like me.” Like us, she almost said. Like her and like Nadia. Ghosts. Because that’s all Nadia Diaz was. That’s all she’d ever fucking be. A ghost. Nadia looked at Regan, like, really looked at her. Why the fuck would Nadia want a book she couldn’t tangibly touch? She took a guess. “Oh, you know, because it sounds pretty. And look at that cover art, am I right? Gorgeous.”

Regan didn’t know what to make of the way Nadia was narrowing her eyes at her, like she was looking for something that wasn’t there. Or maybe she was waiting, thinking that Regan knew who she really was, and would seize the opportunity to say it. She was coming close, but wanted one more confirmation. Should she be wrong, it would mean telling Nadia -- the real Nadia -- that once again, Regan hadn’t recognized her. She wouldn’t induce that kind of pain again. She stayed silent through Nadia’s comments, biting her tongue so as not to point out just how unlike her friend they sounded. Until the question about the book was answered satisfactorily. Regan understood immediately what that meant, who she was talking to. What she was talking to. The storm threatened to kick up in her lungs again, but she forced it down, nails digging into the bandages on her palms. If she couldn’t remain calm, then there was a real chance that Nadia’s body would be harmed. Regan turned toward the interloper, still and cold. “That’s incorrect. She has a favorite poem in there, the José Martí collection. Her father had a copy of it.” She met the woman’s eyes as her own hardened and chilled. She couldn’t think of her as Nadia. But it was also impossible not to. “I know who you are. You attempted to murder me. And you’ve done far worse to Nadia. Don’t get comfortable.”

There was a spike of something, a feeling. The brevity of it caused Nadia to frown. She’d expected… more, especially when Regan said she knew who Nadia was. Instead, the woman in front of her seemed to have the emotional range of one of the undead. Maybe this was what happened when someone spent too much time around dead bodies. They felt like dead bodies. Nadia let her grin turn saccharine, too sweet. “Well, damn. I tried,” she said. “Though, in my defense, I never really had conversations with the guy. He threatened to turn me in to the cops, and I laughed in his face. Never was the greatest at fostering a good father-daughter relationship.” Not that she needed to ruin that relationship; it was cold and distant by the time she got there. Nadia just made things interesting. She stepped closer to Regan. Her heels gave her an added height bonus. “I don’t think you know shit about me. In fact, I bet you can hardly believe I even exist.” This was a woman that logically explained away shrinking to be five inches tall. “Attempted murder’s such a strong word. Really, I was just caught up in the heat of the moment. You have a very killable face.” She laughed. “I haven’t done shit to Nadia. I’m not the one that kicked her out of her goddamn body. Blame those fucking kids for that. But I am here, and I am comfortable. Besides, after the things I’ve done in this body, I can’t imagine little Nadia Diaz wanting it back.”

It was impossible to completely ice over the hatred deep in her chest. This woman was using Nadia’s body in ways that would have disgusted Nadia. Surely did disgust her, Regan corrected. There was no way that Nadia didn’t know, considering she could currently drift wherever she pleased. Could Cordelia see her? Sense her? Was her cruelty sharpened when she knew Nadia was around? Regan stayed frozen and clenched her fists hard, keeping the scream locked inside of her. What was drowning on a weekly basis worth if she hurt the body of her best friend? It couldn’t happen. She thought of the blade, and an eerie, numb calm took hold of her and didn’t let go. “I know enough about you,” Regan said, eyes narrowing as she looked at Cordelia unflinchingly, “She’ll repair her relationship with her parents someday, despite your best attempts. Nadia will have her body back, and the only place you’re going to exist is in the inside of a prison cell.” The threat to her own safety meant very little in comparison to what she had experienced in the clearing. “I think we both know that you have done horrible things to her. And I think you enjoy it, too.” Regan took a step closer to her car, staring at the glassless frames. For a while, shards had clung to them, but now they were just empty. For a second, she wondered if there was a law against driving in a vehicle with no windows. There probably was. She ignored the dull thud of guilt, and looked back at Cordelia, trying to see past Nadia’s face. She wanted to leave, but something prevented her. The monsters in this town always looked like her friends.

Nadia just laughed at Regan, at her bland hatred. “You don’t know a damn thing about me, babe, and you sure as hell don’t know a damn thing about Nadia Diaz.” And how could she? How could this woman expect to know the shadow of a girl that Nadia had been in control of for six years. She couldn’t believe that Nadia Diaz even knew herself. “You really think she will? You think she’s just gonna fix her fucked up relationship with her fucked up parents? Damn, you really don’t know her, then.” Naive banshee. Still, she allowed herself, momentarily, to be impressed with the woman in front of her. She’d figured that glass would’ve already shattered around them, but this little faerie? She seemed cold and collected. It was more than Nadia could say for herself, most of the time. “Oh, she’s gonna get her body back, huh? And I’m gonna go to prison? Sure, send me to prison. You’ll have to go and dig up my corpse for it, though.” She walked closer as Regan stepped back. “I’ve already paid for every crime that I possibly could. If anybody pays for the shit I’ve done now, it’ll be Nadia.” Not that Nadia would ever get this back. “I’ve only taken a life that she didn’t want in the first place. I gave her money, resources, connections. I’ve kept Nadia Diaz alive in ways that I doubt she could’ve all on her lonesome.” She rolled her eyes. “Can you blame me for enjoying this life, my life? I’m gonna enjoy it for as long as possible.” She wished she’d enjoyed it tonight. “Will you? You and what army, Dr. Kavanagh?” She cocked her head to the side. “I’m so excited to see you try, though! Like, totally looking forward to it.”

“I know enough about Nadia,” Regan said, her voice still flat even as she bristled. Yes, it had recently become apparent that there were a number of big things that she didn’t know, that Nadia hadn’t seen fit to tell her for reasons Regan couldn’t entirely fault her for, but she knew all that she needed to know to love and trust her friend. Cordelia wouldn’t be able to create doubt there, if that was what she was attempting to do. She crossed her arms, fingers searching for the bandages on her palms, as Cordelia came closer. It was jarring seeing Nadia -- or, Nadia’s body -- being so directly confrontational in comparison to Nadia’s normal quiet aloofness, and Regan wasn’t sure what to do with it. No, that wasn’t true. Leave. She should leave. She was by her car. Why wasn’t she already in it and getting as far away from Cordelia as possible? But as Regan’s eyes found Nadia’s, she knew why. It seemed-- could she really leave Nadia’s body here, when Cordelia was treating it like-- she bit down on her tongue to staunch the mounting wave of emotion and her eyes flicked back down. She needed to leave. “Yes, I do blame you. It isn’t your life. It’s Nadia’s. You’re going to give it back to her. And you should do so willingly, because I--” No, it was best not to mention the exorcism in case Cordelia didn’t know. “You might be harmed if you don’t. I don’t care about you as an individual, but I don’t want to see anyone harmed if possible. Even when those people, like yourself, are anal sphincters.” Regan sighed through her teeth. “I’m aware that you’re not going to do that. All I have to say to you is that we’ll see you soon.”

“Yeah, sure you do,” Nadia said, putting as much pity into her words as she could. There wasn’t as much fun in this conversation as she’d thought, though. There wasn’t much fun in most of the conversations that she had, recently. These people, this town, were growing annoying, boring. She rolled her eyes and took a step away from the banshee, not really wanting to deal with any of this anymore. “I appreciate your attempts to get me to give up without screaming at me, really, I do.” Her ears appreciated it, too. “But it’s not gonna happen. And the only people that are gonna get harmed are the people that try to take this body away from me. Do you understand?” She laughed at Regan’s use of “anal sphincter” even though it made her angry, so fucking angry, shatter a streetlight angry.  She didn’t look up as the light flickered off. Instead, she turned and started to walk away, flicking her wrist in a wave to the woman behind her. “See ya around, doc. And good luck! Hope you can deal with the consequences of whatever the fuck you’ve got up your sleeves.” Let them try. Let them get this body killed. She didn’t care. She didn’t fucking care. It was becoming too much effort anyway.

#familiar faces #chatzy: regan kavanagh #not!nadia

[argylemnwrites]

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment - Chapter 20

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (Canon Divergent from Book 2, Chapter 15)

Word Count: ~6100

Rating: R (language, explicit 30 diamond content)

Summary: Reunited

Author’s Note: Just one more chapter and the epilogue after this, folks.

This series diverges from TRR canon, where instead of waiting to discuss his relationship with Riley until their last night in NYC, leaving her a note while Liam is proposing to her, Drake tackles this topic as soon as possible after Tariq makes his statement and Riley’s name is cleared. To catch up on this series, you can find the previous chapters in my masterlist (link is located in my bio).

Drake didn’t know what to do, what to say. The greeting had been obvious, but now he stood there, just staring at her as she did the same. It was so uncomfortable, and Drake had no idea how to make it better. Maxwell and Liam had both said it was in his power to make things right. But they had way too much faith in him here. He was absolute shit when it came to talking about things. Feelings. Emotions. All that crap. Yet, that was what he had to do here. Man, he just knew he was gonna screw everything up.

Taking a deep breath, Drake tried to find some words. “Do you think… I mean… we should probably… why don’t we… I guess-”

“Come on,” said Riley, spinning on her feet, “I have a place we can go.”

Drake felt his eyebrows scrunching together at that. He hoped they would head back to her place, but maybe she didn’t want him there. Regardless, she was striding with purpose towards the escalators, so he grabbed his bag and hurried after her. He couldn’t get left behind.

He followed her, not to the train, as he’d expected, but to the taxi bay. He loaded his luggage into the trunk before joining her in the backseat. She sat behind the driver, fingers drumming on her knees. The middle seat between them felt like some sort of clear barrier. Drake kept glancing over at Riley, but felt like it would be wrong to reach out and touch her. 

Every time she turned to look at him, he found himself quickly jerking his head over to look out the window. It was like they were back in the social season, back when he wouldn’t realize he was staring at her at some ball or bullshit event until she locked eyes with him. It had been an annoying realization back then - how much his eyes drifted to her. 

The ride to wherever Riley had told the cab to go was shockingly short, so soon Drake was grabbing his suitcase out of the trunk, taking in their surroundings. He had no idea where they were. It didn’t feel like New York City. There was a giant parking lot off to one side, and a swath of brush to the other. Drake didn’t see any other people around. He would have been sure they’d left the city if the ride had been any longer.

“It’s just a bit of a walk,” said Riley, gesturing through the brush.

“Should I bring this with me?” asked Drake, holding up his suitcase.

“Shit, I didn’t think about your luggage,” she said, “But yeah, bring it with unless you want it stolen.”

So Drake hefted up his suitcase and followed Riley across the stretch of land until they reached a small beach. It was quiet and isolated, not at all the type of place Drake would imagine finding in this city. The wind whipped off the water carrying a cool moisture and adding a deeper chill to the late fall evening. He instinctively glanced over at Riley, noting that she was just wearing a sweater. Clearly, either she hadn’t planned on taking him here initially, or she just didn’t think things through at all. She was gonna freeze.

“Here,” said Drake, dropping his suitcase into the sand, “take a seat. I’ll get a bonfire started.”

After he gathered some scattered driftwood and dry brush for kindling, Drake pulled out his lighter, nursing the flames to life before making his way back over to Riley, sitting down on the relatively flat rock next to his suitcase. The fire wasn’t large, but the warmth from the flames helped somewhat.

He looked over at Riley. She didn’t look too cold, but she did have her sweater wrapped around her tightly. She was staring straight ahead, almost through the flames. She was silent for a long time. Drake wasn’t sure if he was supposed to talk first, but since she was the one who wanted to come out here, he figured he would follow her lead, so he just sat there, staring out at the water with her.

“I used to come out here all the time when I was a teenager.”

Her words were quiet and small, but clear. Drake didn’t look at her. When she got like this, it was always because she was sharing something she’d rather forget, and he knew eye contact might scare her off at this point. So he just sat there, still and silent, waiting for her to continue.

“It was my mom’s fourth stint in prison, and I was with a family that lived not too far from JFK. The Grissoms. They were probably the worst foster family I was with. Nasty people, absolutely hated kids, just wanted the tax break. There were three other teenagers in the house and everyone was just mean and cruel. This one boy, Jason, was 16, and he stole all my clothes a couple of times and tried to get me to… well, let’s just say, I hated it there. 

“So, I tried to run away. I figured I could keep getting food at school and just live on the streets, but little Chinese girls tend to get a lot of unwanted attention if they’re out at night, so I just kept moving until I found this place. I just wanted somewhere remote, somewhere where no one would find me. It was peaceful. No one was harassing me. I would watch the planes take off from JFK and feel like maybe someday I’d really be able to get away from it all. I don’t know, I guess it gave me hope. I managed four nights out here when I was fourteen before a couple found me and called the cops.

“I got moved to a different home, at least. The Grissoms didn’t want to deal with an ‘ungrateful runaway bitch’ so they told my case worker that I was causing problems, hitting the other kids in their home, stealing from them, that sort of shit. I don’t know if the case worker believed them, or if it was easier just to get me out of there to not have to deal with their complaints, but she placed me with a different family for the last couple of months of my mom’s sentence.

“But no matter where I went for the next few years, no matter what neighborhood I got placed in or if I was back in Chinatown with my mom, I would come out here when I wanted to be alone and just think. It’s quiet, you know, and there’s rarely anyone else here. 

“I haven’t been back here in a few years. The last time was after my mother’s funeral, when I realized I was gonna have to drop out of college because I didn’t have a dime left to my name after her bare-bones funeral. But since then, I don’t know. I guess I just avoided thinking about things too deeply. It was easier just to drift along, never dealing with anything serious. Never letting things get serious.

“I probably should have come out here more, ya know? I should have maybe actually dealt with some of my shit. But Drake, you have to understand that my experience in Cordonia, getting to know you guys… well it was nothing like anything I’d ever had before. I’d never had friends who actually gave a damn about me. And sometimes it still feels like it’s all going to come crashing down and leave me all alone. I’ve always ended up alone before.

“I panicked when you told me you were going to stay in Cordonia, and I assumed that I would never see you again. But I shouldn’t have ignored all your texts. That was… well, a mad shitty thing to do. So I’m sorry.”

“Riley, come on. I should be the one apologizing,” Drake began, turning his head to face her, watching her shake her head lightly.

“For what? Spending a week and a half with your best friend after his father died while he was under threat of attack? Come on, Drake. You know that was a reasonable thing to do.” Her head dropped slightly at that, staring down at the sand beneath her feet.

“Maybe not for that,” Drake acquiesced, turning back to face the fire, “But for acting like I didn’t want to be here with you? For letting you think that I wanted out? Well, I could probably stand to apologize for that.”

He noticed Riley shift in his peripheral vision. He felt her eyes on him, her gaze practically burning a hole into the side of his head. She didn’t say a damn thing, though. Well, that must mean it was his turn to talk.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about… well, my life, I guess,” Drake started, dropping his head down to stare at his shoes. “I dunno, I think that I’ve been pretty… aimless, I guess is the right word, for about eight years. All I’ve really done is just kinda vaguely be there for Liam.

“Liam… well he kind of pointed out that I often tried to keep things that were bothering me from him. He just had so much stressful shit on his plate already, I didn’t ever want to add to that, you know? But he said it didn’t do us any favors in the long run that I kept everything hidden away. He was right, of course. It turned our friendship into some sort of duty in my mind. And that’s not fucking healthy. Since I left university, I’ve basically made myself his emotional guardian at the expense of every fucking other thing in my life.

“And I was really damn good at it. It turns out that I’m a fucking champ at repressing all the shit I’m feeling. At least I was until I dumped years of crap on Liam the day you left Cordonia.”

“Drake, are you guys…?” she asked, reaching over and grabbing his wrist. It was the first time she’d touched him since she’d gotten on that plane, and even though she was trying to be reassuring and gentle, he still almost felt as if her fingers carried an electric jolt. He swallowed roughly, trying to gain a better grasp on his emotions. Talking about all this shit was hard enough without him freaking out like a thirteen year old whose crush waved at him.

“We’re okay now. He uhhh… well, he had a bunch of shit to unload on me, too.”

“About… us?”

Drake glanced over at Riley. She looked so nervous, her brow furrowed and her lips scrunched together. She obviously felt guilty that she might have in any way played a role in the shit that went down between him and Liam. Drake’s instinct was to reassure her, tell her what she needed to hear to get that look off her face. But hiding the truth because it wouldn’t be pleasant for her was the type of shit he knew he needed to stop doing. So he took a deep breath and started talking again.

“I mean, that was part of it. More so that I didn’t tell him something was going on between us earlier than us actually being together, but yeah. We were… a topic of conversation. But Liu, it went a lot deeper than us. I mean, we both had stuff from years and years ago we threw at each other. Shit from long before we even met you.

“I told you about the assassination attempt, how I left university to be there for him and all that? Well, I don’t think I ever really let myself move on from that decision. I just fucked around for almost a decade. I didn’t make life plans, I didn’t move forward. I just was there for Liam. And somewhere along the way, I don’t know, I stopped even thinking about what I might want out of life. It’s like I didn’t let myself have a future.

“I guess I kind of fell into this pattern where I just hung around in case Liam needed me for something. I didn’t give it much thought. I don’t know. I just kind of… existed. I was really stuck. But then you came along, and I got to know you. It actually felt like someone got me. I could talk to you. I could drink with you. I didn’t hate myself when I was around you, and for the first time in a long time, I wanted something for myself.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when he realized how bad they sounded. He scrambled, quickly saying, “Shit. Liu, I didn’t mean that I saw you as some sort of object to own or keep or-” but Riley squeezed the wrist she was still holding, sliding her hand down into his, effectively cutting off his rambling apology.

“I know what you meant, Drake.”

He nodded and took another deep breath, “Right. Well, you know all this anyway. As much as I wanted to be with you, I just didn’t feel like there was any way you would ever want to be with me. Not when Liam was right there, and certainly not when no woman had ever wanted to stick around before. So I shoved you away. I pushed you towards Liam. But even with all that shit, you still somehow saw me. You stuck around. And I’m not used to anyone sticking around.”

Drake let his words hang there, the wind whipping across the beach and the crackle of the bonfire the only sounds. He was tempted to light up a cigarette, something to distract himself from the weird mix of emotions he was experiencing from talking about all of this, but Riley kept holding onto his hand. And if she wasn’t letting go, he certainly wasn’t going to either, particularly for something as trivial as a cigarette. So they just sat there together. It was a few minutes before Riley spoke again.

“I feel the same way, Drake. Before this past year, I didn’t have anyone I was even remotely close to. I never talked about my past with any of my friends, if you can even call them that. And sometimes the way you look at me, the way you listen to me, well… it scares the shit out of me. Because I finally know what it feels like to have someone understand me and still care about me, and all my mind does is worry how I am going to go back to not having someone like that in my life when I end up all alone. Because that’s what’s always happened before - I end up all alone.”

Drake wanted to wrap his arm around her, assure her that he was never going anywhere, but just like he hadn’t believed her during the social season or on the engagement tour when she said she wanted him, not Liam, he knew that ultimately, his words would do little to eliminate years of pain, worry, and insecurity. That healing from that and moving forward was not going to magically happen because he loved her. If it did, he probably wouldn’t have wasted so much time shoving her away from him and towards Liam.

“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?” she asked, leaning against his side, placing her head on his shoulder.

“Heh. Well, at least we understand where the other one’s coming from.”

He could feel her cheek raising as she smiled, and it brought a smile to his own face. “Hana told me I should stop acting out of fear just to avoid the possibility of anything negative. And I’m trying, Drake. I really am. But it’s hard for me, and I can’t promise that it won’t take a long time for me to get there.”

She pulled away slightly, so Drake turned his head. Her dark eyes were staring at him, staring straight through him almost.

“That’s fine with me,” he said, “I don’t have anywhere else I need to be.”

“Drake…”

“Seriously, Liu. I think it’s clear after tonight that we both are trying to make some changes for the better in our lives. I could have just as easily told you that it was going to take me a long time to figure out what I want to do with my life going forward. So, what do you say? Are you okay with me being a nearly 30 year old unemployed man without a degree who’s trying to figure his shit out?”

She nodded gently, reaching out to cup his cheek with her free hand. Drake closed his eyes at her touch, feeling like weight after weight had been shed with their conversation. When he opened his eyes, she was there, looking at him expectantly.

He leaned forward at the same time she did, and when they finally kissed, it wasn’t desperate or intense. It was calm, like they were testing the waters, rediscovering each other in light of everything. And for now, it felt like more than enough. They might be stumbling forward in their lives, but it was clear they both wanted to do so with each other. 

When they broke apart, Drake pressed his forehead against hers, trying to soak her in. “Riley…”

“We face our struggles together from now on, right?”

“Yeah, Liu. Together sounds good.”

She pulled away from him and pushed herself off his suitcase, extending her hand to him and helping him to his feet as well, “Why don’t you put out the fire, and I’ll call us a ride. I don’t know about you, but I’m about ready to go home.”

The cab ride into Manhattan, back to her apartment, was a much different sort of silent from the one an hour earlier. Riley sat right next to him, clutching the hand he’d flung over her shoulder, leaning up to kiss him every so often. They got stuck in traffic several times, but the tension and stress of earlier was gone. For all the work that lay ahead of both of them, it just felt nice to know that they wanted to go through it as a couple. 

When they finally arrived at her building, Riley told him she was going to go check the mail while he grabbed his suitcase. After paying the driver, Drake made his way to the building entrance. He moved to pull his keys out of his pocket, but Riley noticed him and pushed the door open for him, a small frown on her face and a little slip of paper in her other hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s a delivery attempt notification. It was taped to the mailbox. It says they tried to deliver a package that was too big for the parcel box, but I didn’t order anything.”

“Oh, well… that’s probably for me.”

She turned and stared at him, her forehead deeply wrinkled as she gave her head a little shake, but she said nothing, so Drake quickly scrambled to explain himself.

“Yeah, so I couldn’t fit some of the things I’d packed up in my luggage. I just put your address, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you ahead. Bastien must have rush shipped them-”

Her lips were on his, his back hitting the metal of the mailboxes on the opposite wall and his suitcase falling to the ground before he could fully process Riley lunging at him. Unlike the kisses at the beach or in the cab, this was raw. Aggressive. Possessive. He felt himself responding before he could even fully mentally process what was going on, his hands sliding across her waist and down to her ass, holding her tight against him. She clung to his jacket, tugging him off the wall just slightly.

It was all fire and heat, intense enough to burn away the last traces of stilted awkwardness that had settled over their dynamic. Drake felt like his hands were moving of their own accord, tracing over her body, grabbing, pulling, cementing her as close to him as possible. At some point, he slid his hands down her back, over her ass and to her thighs, at which point she jumped just enough to wrap her legs around his hips as he held her tight.

After a few more moments of desperate kissing, Drake took a step forward, ready to move things upstairs. But he’d barely started to walk when he felt his balance completely falter as his foot collided with something. He didn’t have time to give Riley much of a warning, just tearing his lips away from hers as he yelled out “What the fuck?” His grip on her slipped and she tumbled off his hips and onto the floor with a surprised little yelp as Drake stumbled into the wall next to him.

“Riley, are you okay?” he asked, cringing as he moved aside his suitcase, the source of their current predicament. He crouched down next to her, scanning over her quickly, looking for any injuries, but Riley just threw her head back and laughed. After a few seconds, when he was sure the most damaged thing was his ego, Drake joined her, chuckling deeply. 

“Moves like that are always a bit sexier in the movies, huh?” she choked out between her bouts of laughter. “It’s probably for the best. I don’t think we would have made it up three flights of stairs like that.”

“Are you doubting my strength, Liu?”

“No, but after that demonstration, I am doubting your coordination.”

Drake just shook his head. He ran a hand over his face before extending it to her, helping her to her feet as he stood up. She kept holding onto his hand, even when he took a small step away from her to pick up the suitcase that had interrupted them. 

“You think you’re up to try walking again?” she asked, her eyes wide in mock-innocence.

“Oh ha ha.”

“Come on,” she said, tugging him along behind her up the narrow staircases and down the hallway to her apartment. She didn’t let go of his hand until she had to get her keys out. But she unlocked the door swiftly, then grabbed his hand again, pulling him in and closing the door. 

Her lips were back on his in an instant, her hands grabbing the suitcase from him and setting it on the floor right by the door before she started pushing against his shoulders, navigating him backwards towards the bed. In two steps he felt the mattress against the back of his legs, so he sat down, his hands settling on her waist as she straddled him a moment later.

She rolled her hips down against him as she tugged her sweater over her head, leaving her in a simple black tank top, before she kissed him again, dropping her hands to his shoulders. He ran his hands through her hair, moving his lips across her jaw to her neck, desperate to retaste every square centimeter of her body. The little groan she let out only drove him on further, bucking his hips up against her.

It didn’t take long for the heat building between them to escalate, both of them grabbing, biting, pulling. As she slid her hands under his shirt and dragged her nails across his stomach, he tugged her tank top off. In an instant, her lips were back on his, rough and demanding as he dragged his hands across her torso, cupping her breasts.

From that point, it was a scramble to get all their remaining clothing off. As Riley hopped off his lap to shimmy out of her jeans, Drake threw his shirt onto the floor and started to undo his belt, but he was distracted when Riley scampered over to the closet. She opened the door and crouched down in just her bra and panties, clearly digging through something.

“Uhh, Liu? What the fuck are you doing?”

After a few seconds, she spun around, holding up a foil packet in triumph. “Looking for this,” she said as she walked back over to the end of the bed, “unless you don’t want to have sex tonight?”

“You don’t have to take so much pleasure in teasing me, you know.”

“Well, unless you give me another pleasure, it’s all I’ve got,” she said, grabbing his belt buckle and pulling him up to standing.

“God, your dirty talk is terrible,” he laughed, but it quickly turned into a groan as she undid his jeans and slid her hand over the front of his boxers.

“Yeah, thought that might stop your complaints,” she said, throwing him a wink as she yanked down his pants and pushed on his chest, nudging him back toward the bed. He pulled her panties off as he sat down, tugging her onto his lap as he slid fully onto the bed. 

His fingers fell between her legs and he started stroking her as she groaned and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him sloppily. He moved his hand slightly to slide a finger inside her, but she pulled away and shook her head.

“I just want to be closer to you right now, okay?” she said as she handed him the condom and reached behind her back to unclasp her bra. Drake had wanted to take his time with her, but her request was so sweet, so much more vulnerable than he was used to seeing her, that he just nodded, kicking off his boxers and rolling on the condom, and then she wrapped her legs around his waist and lowered herself onto him.

They both groaned at the sensation, Riley dropping her face to the crook of his neck and clawing her hands into his back. She clung to him tightly as she started to ride him, Drake raising his hips to match her rhythm and wrapping his arms around her. It was like they both were desperate to somehow be closer to each other, even though they were touching everywhere already. Riley eventually pulled her head back, sliding one hand up into his hair and staring right into his eyes before she tipped her head slightly and kissed him roughly.

It was overwhelming, feeling her wrapped around literally every part of him. He wasn’t sure if anything in his life had ever felt this damn good. It wasn’t the best sex he’d ever had, but somehow it just felt like more. A stray thought drifted through his mind that it felt like being home, but a slight tug on his hair from Riley as she ground against him drove everything but his physical pleasure from his mind.

“Riley,” he breathed out, “I’m not… gonna last. Are you… are you close?”

She nodded, biting her lower lip as she slid one hand off of his shoulder and down to just above where they were joined. He felt her fingers moving between their bodies, in time with their thrusts, and he closed his eyes, trying to stave off his inevitable release until she got there. He didn’t have to wait long, because a few moments later, she was clenching around him as she moaned out one of the most erotic noises he’d ever heard. He clutched at her hip and thrust up into her wildly, joining her as he fell over the edge, muttering her name into her neck over and over and slumping back against the wall behind him.

They stayed tightly wrapped around each other for several long moments, neither seeming to want to end their connection, but eventually, Drake felt Riley shift off him, moving her legs slightly, causing Drake to realize he kind of had her trapped. He leaned forward and she unwrapped her legs, sliding back further and straddling his knees as she stretched a bit. Drake grabbed the condom and leaned over to toss it into the trash. With his movements, he noticed Riley rising up as if to move away from him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked as he clutched her wrist, finishing disposing of his mess and leaning forward to kiss her gently.

She smiled at him lightly once he pulled back, “It felt like you were trying to move.”

“Hell no. I’m not going anywhere,” he sighed out, sliding down and sinking into her crappy ass mattress, pulling her down to lay on top of him, her arms sprawling around his head and her legs tangling with his, “I’ve never been more comfortable.”

They laid like that, calm and relaxed for several minutes, Drake tracing his hand along her spine and Riley playing with his hair. It was so peaceful, Drake nearly felt himself drifting off to sleep when Riley spoke.

“Not to kill the mood, but I don’t think we can stay here.”

Drake shook his head, trying to follow her train of thought. He still felt stupid, like he was drunk, on her, on them, on being together, so it wasn’t surprising that his response was far from eloquent. “Huh?”

Riley smiled and batted her eyelashes before she answered, “I don’t mean we have to go anywhere right now. But I don’t think this apartment is going to work well for us going forward.”

“This is what you were thinking about during sex?”

“No, it’s what I’m thinking about after sex. What I didn’t let myself think about while you were gone.” She trailed off at the end, burying her face in his chest. Drake understood these admissions weren’t easy for her, to talk about the uncomfortable realities instead of just marching forward and pretending everything was just fine, so he tried to soothe her, running his hand between her shoulder blades and dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

“Okay, so why can’t we stay here?”

“Drake, do I really have to tell you that?” she asked, pushing up slightly to look him in his eyes. “There’s barely enough space for one person here, much less two plus a dog.”

At the mention of Anderson, Drake lifted his head up, glancing around the studio, “Hey, where is your dog?”

Riley laughed at that, “You’re just noticing he isn’t here now?”

“I had a few other things on my mind when we got up here.”

She laughed harder, “No, I think you had one thing on your mind. To answer your question, Daniel had been asking me to take Anderson for a weekend. He and his boyfriend have been talking about getting a dog, and they wanted to do a trial run. This weekend seemed like a good choice.”

“So, you’re telling me it’s just the two of us for the next two days?” His hand trailed down her back and across her hip with his question, ready to continue reacquainting himself with her body, but she playfully swatted at his chest.

“Yes, so there will be time for more of that later, after we finish talking about this.”

“What’s to talk about? You just said we don’t have to go anywhere tonight. I agree. Let’s not leave this bed.”

“Drake! I’m serious, what do you think about us finding a different apartment when the lease is up?”

Drake shrugged slightly, “I can’t say I’ve thought about it at all. Why do you want to move, anyway?”

“Well, there’s the whole size thing like I said. Also, you know, you hate it here.”

“I don’t hate it-”

“Yeah, you do. I love being this close to bars and restaurants, but you hate the noise and the crowds. Plus, they keep you up at night, and I hate to break it to you, but when you’re sleep deprived, you cross the line from lovable grump to straight up asshole.”

Drake just shook his head, “But like you said, you love this location. I’m not gonna ask you to leave it.”

“You aren’t asking, Drake. I’m bringing it up. And as the person here who actually has some experience living in different parts of the city, I think we should move somewhere that’s a fit for the two of us.”

“Liu we can barely afford this place. How the hell are we supposed to afford a bigger apartment?”

“I don't know if you realize this, but New York City does have more neighborhoods than the Lower East Side.”

“Haha,” he replied dryly. “I seem to remember the rental costs all over the island were obscene.”

“Well I know you're practically a native New Yorker at this point, what with your one month of living here, but there are other boroughs besides Manhattan.”

Drake widened his eyes, thinking back on everything she had said about Brooklyn, Queens, basically any place that wasn't Manhattan. Riley, upon seeing his reaction, just rolled her eyes.

“I may have been a touch dramatic in the past in regards to the surrounding metro area.”

“Well, that’s the motherfucking understatement of the year. You said that living in New Jersey was the same as choosing to live in a fucking armpit.” 

“I stand by that statement. But I am willing to move out of Manhattan to get us a little more space and you a little more quiet.” 

“But you’ve always said you're a Manhattan native.”

“So maybe it’s time to try something new.”

“Liu, you work four blocks from here.”

“Well, good thing that there’s this little thing called the subway that I could take to get to and from work.”

“But this is a convenient, practical location that you obviously chose for a reason. I won’t have you giving that up just because you think I’m uncomfortable here or whatever.”

Riley shrugged, “You gave up Cordonia for me. This is nothing.”

“But, Liu-”

“And,” she continued, ignoring his attempts to cut her off, “I don’t just think you’re uncomfortable here. I know you are. Drake, to this day you keep referring to it as my apartment. I don’t think you’ve called it ‘ours’ even once. You’re right, this location works for me. But it doesn’t work for you, and that means it won’t work for us. Someone very wise once told me that relationships require compromise and that there would be a time going forward where I would be in the better position to make that compromise. So I’m making it.”

Drake blinked a few times, trying to wrap his head around this turn of events. She was putting them first, something she’d done time and time over, but it still humbled him, to think that someone like her would see enough value in him to make sacrifices to accommodate him. But she had always seen him as better, more deserving, than he saw himself. And maybe it wouldn’t do well to question whatever good luck had put him in this place, to meet someone like her.

“Someone wise, huh?”

“He can be. When he’s not being a stubborn idiot.”

Drake let out a few chuckles at that. “I’ll take it. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to move to accommodate my grumpy ass.”

“Drake, don’t you want a place that feels like it’s ours? Why are you fighting me on this?”

“Because I’m an insecure mess who doubts anything good in his life,” ran through his mind, but he knew she was right. “As long as you’re sure, Riley.”

“I am. You aren’t going to talk me out of this, Drake Walker. You should know, you aren’t very good at talking me out of anything.”

“Really.”

‘Absolutely. I’m almost as stubborn as you, so you’re at a disadvantage from the start. And really, look at your track record. You repeatedly tried to talk me out of falling for you, and we know how that turned out.”

“I am rather glad you ignored me on that one.”

With that, she leaned down, tossing her hair to the side and kissing him again. He clutched her neck, moaning as she deepened the kiss. Eventually she pulled back, bracing herself on her elbows above him.

“I love you. You know that, right?”

He swallowed roughly, her long black hair forming a surreal sort of curtain off to the side, her face the only thing he really saw. “Yeah, I do. I love you, too.”

Permatag: @speedyoperarascalparty​ @mfackenthal​  @lilyofchoices​  @thequeenofcronuts​  @jamesashtonisbae​

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @kingliam2019​   @sirbeepsalot​  @texaskitten30​   @princessleac1​  @ladyangel70​  @dcbbw​  @yaushie​ @octobereighth​

Drake x MC only:  @jovialyouthmusic  @iplaydrake  @gibbles82  @drakewalkerisreal  @riley--walker​  @notoriouscs​  @butindeed​  @addictedtodrakefanfic​  

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment: @wickedgypsymoon  @thesumofmychoices​​  @cosigottahavefaith​​   @thequeenchoices​​  @katedrakeohd​​  @feartheendlesssummer​​  @ao719​​  @ooo-barff-ooo​​   @sunnyxdazed​​  

#drake walker #drake x mc #trr fanfic #trr #the royal romance #choices fanfiction #choices #choices stories you play #playchoices #n*fw #30 diamonds

[purplesurveys]

1063

survey by pinkchocolate

Have you done any of the same things as me this year? (2020 edition)

Planned a shopping spree with a friend?

Visited a shopping centre/mall? Malls are extremely commonplace here and honestly they already serve as the main tourist attractions if you find yourself in Manila, which is why Manila has never been a popular tourist destination itself (foreign tourists usually head to neighboring provinces, which is smart on their end). I’ve been to malls at least 20-30 times this year, but that’s only because of the pandemic. I probably go close to 50-70 times in a normal year.

Had lunch with a friend? Yeah I caught lunch with Angela a couple times at the start of the year. I had a one-photo-a-day gimmick on Instagram, and I’m pretty sure I have a photo of her in there during one of our lunch dates.

Ordered pizza at a restaurant? Again, at the start of the year. Gab and I loved Italian restaurants so we definitely ordered pizza several times.

Been in a department store? I needed to briefly enter one a couple of weeks ago to look for gift wrappers.

Bought pretty new lingerie?

Had coffee with a friend? Yeah Gab and I had study dates at coffee shops every single week. Now, obviously, I just take myself.

Bought DVDs?

Had a cold?

Bought toiletries as a gift for someone else?

Had dinner in a restaurant with your family? Yeah I’m fairly certain we did this at least a couple of times between January and early March. The last time I dined in anywhere was a month ago, but I was only with my parents and my siblings didn’t come along.

Had one of your kitchen appliances break? Our plumbing is a little fucked in general and sometimes we’ll have minor leaks on the floor. My dad’s knives have also gotten a bit dull, so I got him a new knife set for Christmas. But no damage to appliances.

Watched a movie at the cinema?

Struggled for food when the panic buying began? We struggled in that it was a bitch to enter the groceries at first. My dad did the grocieries for us during that time and that was back when they strictly enforced the number of people allowed in the supermarket at one time; and no matter how early he queued, there was always already a line that got there before him. He’d wait around three hours and once he was finally let in, a bunch of alleys or sections in the grocery would already be empty or at least close to becoming empty. We never went hungry or had to skip meals or anything like that, but I do remember having to make do with lesser-known brands we never used before because sometimes those would be the only options left at the grocery.

Wanted to hug a friend, but didn't because you had to social distance? I hugged Angela when I saw her a couple of days ago, and I also hugged Gab when we were still together. 

Felt afraid of Covid? My fears over it have tamed over the year, to be honest; but I’m still wary, of course. I hate it when people stand near me and I follow the safety protocols everywhere I go.

Felt afraid to leave the house? Only during the peak of the virus, from March to around May or June. Nowadays I kinda have to go out every now and then for the sake of my sanity.

Deliberately avoided watching the news because it made you feel upset? I mean I took up journ lol so I always watch the news, no matter how upsetting it can get. The one and only time I remember asking my sister to switch the channel was when there was a report on animal abuse.

Had to cancel plans for your birthday? I didn’t have plans for it in the first place, or at least I didn’t have the chance to make them yet, so I’m glad there was nothing to cancel.

Spent your birthday at home? This was the only choice I had. My birthday fell on the most serious and strictest phase of the quarantine, and this was back when nothing was open yet.

Collected a parcel from your doorstep? Online shopping is a norm for me now, lol. I used to not trust it, but now I probably buy at least one item a week.

Eaten an entire box of chocolates in one day? I don’t even like chocolate that much. That sounds so uncomfortably sweet.

Drank fruit flavoured cider?

Eaten birthday cake? Sure, we had cake for my mom’s, my aunt’s, and my cousin’s/godson’s birthdays.

Had a grandparent move into long-term care? My remaining grandparents are all fortunately still very healthy.

Kept a journal of your thoughts and feelings during lockdown? This is technically it, whether’s there’s a lockdown or not. I tried starting a journal after my breakup, but I couldn’t keep it up because my wrist strains easily from handwriting now, hahaha. I find that doing surveys suffice.

Had distressing dreams/nightmares related to the pandemic? No, but about other pressing events in my life.

Felt concerned about your financial situation? Not mine but my family’s.

Returned to a social platform that you took a break from? I left Facebook for a few months after the breakup. I’m back on it again because I had missed the memes, but I also want to permanently delete that account for good, open a new one, and just add the people I want to keep having in my circle. Like I love Gabie’s family to death but I don’t see the point in being Facebook friends with them still, and it actually feels kinda awkward now still seeing them on my list. Idk. We’ll see. I might keep my account or start a new one altogether.

Missed a past hobby or interest? I mean I missed going to malls and bars and going out with my friends, if that counts as an interest. I had to do much less of that this year.

Started a new hobby? I started doing embroidery about a month ago, and a few days ago I started working out. My body is as sore as all fuck, but at least it makes me feel good about myself. For the new year, I also plan on starting a skincare routine after 22 years of not doing anything with my face lol and maybeeee start experimenting with coffee and buy different kinds of beans just because?? Idk, I have a lot of cute hobbies planned out for next year haha I’m excited to see how it goes.

Joined some new Facebook groups? Both for work and personal purposes, yep.

Made some new friends online? I definitely like that I’ve become closer and more familiar with the survey community here. I feel like I barely interacted with anyone pre-Covid, when real life was still a bit more hectic and when it was more difficult to find time to relax and sit down and read everyone’s answers. I also became friends with Justine, Angel, and Bianca when I started as an intern at my workplace.

Felt annoyed because you saw someone without a mask? Everyone wears a mask in public, and there are always people assigned to monitor and lightly scold those stubborn enough to take their masks off. So this isn’t the case, but what I do find annoying is when people stand or walk too close to you. Just last week at the grocery this lady was close enough to be breathing down my neck when I was lining up at the cashier; being non-confrontational for the most part, it felt like being in the deepest pit of hell.

Felt like people were staring at you when you wore a mask? I feel like people are more likely to stare at people who DON’T have a mask. 

Bought new stationery? My sister has tons of stationery in her room for whatever reason; when I need one to write short notes or letters, I just ask for some from her. 

Video-called your extended family and friends? For sure. We did this a lot especially during the earlier parts of the year.

Written a letter to someone you missed?

Disagreed with the behaviour of a friend?

Felt surprised when someone wanted to be your friend? No one directly said it to me; but as an intern on my first day of the job, it was a really pleasant surprise to find that the co-interns I was going to be with weren’t boring, unemotional cogs who just aimed to do work. They were HILARIOUS from the get-go, was confused as fuck about work, and I could see they just wanted to make our tiny intern family a close-knit and happy group, to which I gladly agreed and went along with.

Bought a new pair of shoes? I got new shoes meant for my first job interview, but I haven’t gotten any brand new sneakers in a while :(

Replaced some toiletries that you ran out of during lockdown? I guess? Toiletries are necessities, so.

Bought some new books? I read new ones, but I didn’t buy them. Some I saw copies of on the internet; one was given as a gift to me.

Bought new cosmetics? I don’t use those.

Received a belated birthday present?

Received a present from a friend overseas?

Discovered a new author that you liked?

Felt like you were drifting away from people you were once close to? *A person. Yeah, well.

Found out that someone you knew had contracted Covid?  She’s a mutual friend from my high school days. We aren’t close but we’ve kept in touch by still following each other on social media. She wrote about her experience with Covid on a blog entry.

Realised you had formed a deep connection with someone? I got a lot closer with Andi both because we had to work together for our thesis and because they were there for me, unconditionally and untiringly, when I was coping with my breakup and was in rough shape.

Worried about the financial situation of someone close to you? Of my family, like I said, yes. We had to sell the Vitara because the money that pours into the household monthly isn’t enough to keep paying for it. To be fair, that car was a very big impulse buy by my dad, so we didn’t and don’t feel too bad about losing it hahaha. 

Let your guard down to someone? I don’t think so. I was on red alert this year since Gab increasingly broke my trust.

Had an issue with something on social media? Yeah, but I don’t want to get into it. That was such a long time ago and is so irrelevant now.

Felt disconnected from others? I deliberately did so three months ago, so much so that I had acquaintances I barely talked to since graduating talk to Andi and ask where I’ve been.

Changed your internet provider? We’ve had the same one for like 8-9 years now. It works pretty okay for five people who stream videos all day, so we haven’t felt the need to switch.

Felt fortunate/thankful? I mean I’m here, scar-less, and happy with myself on December 31, 2020, right?

Tried some new foods that you enjoyed? Baked sushi is so fucking good.

Re-read a book that you loved? Crazy Is My Superpower by AJ Mendez (aka my favorite girl wrestler, AJ Lee) is always a good read to come back to.

#survey #surveys

[chvrrydolan]

somebody else (p.1) - G.D

summary: y/n relationship is going down the hill and she decides to call her old friend. 

words: 2.8k

-

“You know what? I’m done. Call me when you will be in the mood to talk.” Y/N hang up her phone and signed. It was the third time this week when she tried to talk with her boyfriend Mike but he just made excuses that he was busy.

YN and Mike was always known as the perfect couple. They always were together. You could always spot them in the local café drinking their favorite drinks and being cute, or they always walked hand in hand on campus giggling at something and you could always see how both of their eyes sparked joy just looking at each other. But something has changed.

For the past couple of weeks their relationship was going down the hill. Y/N was seen walking alone on the campus with a tired look on her face. You could easily tell she was losing sleep. Also, the baristas at that local café noticed that Y/N got her drink only by herself which was very strange for them. Lots of people noticed that but nobody asked what happened. And if somebody would have asked what happened – she wouldn’t know what to answer because she didn’t know either.

It just happened. The conversations weren’t as sincere as they were before, the sex wasn’t as good as before, the ‘I love you’s’ felt like sandpaper rubbing against the tongue. Everything felt forced. They were drifting apart and they felt that. Or at least, Y/N did.

Y/N felt so alone. She didn’t had any real friends on her campus because everybody were really fake and she didn’t fucked with that energy. She didn’t had anybody to vent to because the only thing she had was Mike.

Of course, she had friends. They were back in her home town.

Before moving to New York and following her fashion designer dream, she lived in New Jersey which she loved very much. Leaving her hometown felt like a true heartbreak. She had to leave her family, her friends, her boyfriend which was lost the next week she moved because he cheated on her.

At first when she moved to New York she applied to NYU because her mom begged her to study politics. Of course, Y/N she applied there because she didn’t wanted to disappoint her mother but after 2 years of literal hell and torture she dropped out and followed her real dream.

After applying to other university where she could study fashion and follow her passion of designing clothes, Y/N’s life felt hundred times better. She met Mike, bought her own apartment, got a decent job, had very little time left to graduate her university and etc. But she still missed some things in her life.

One of them was Grayson Dolan. He was Y/N’s best friend since they were six. They were literally attached to the hip. But at some point they also drifted apart.

Grayson was two years older than Y/N which means he graduated earlier than her and went to college in other state to follow his sports dream of becoming professional boxer. And right now, he was 25 years old and one of the most popular boxers in the world.

The last time Y/N and Grayson had seen each other was almost four years ago at Y/L’s barbeque party. Since then Grayson has been busy with his boxing career and Y/N was busy with her designer dream. It’s not like they forgot about each other or something like that. They just were just very busy with their passions and forgot to keep contact.

Actually, they never forgot each other. Grayson always wondered how Y/N was doing but was always scared to call her after he heard the news that she had found a new boyfriend. Grayson always felt something for Y/N since they were little but never acknowledged that for his own sake.

Looking from Y/N’s perspective, after Grayson took his road of dream after her sophomore year, she realized that she felt something for Grayson too. Him not being in New Jersey, in their school, not spending everyday with her and just being away in general – ruined her. She felt so lonely.

And that is the same feeling that Y/N was feeling right now. Her heart was aching. She needed someone.

She needed Grayson.

She unlocked her phone and decided to check his social media to see what he was up too.

His Instagram was full of pictures of in the ring from the fights, selfies with trophies he had won, shirtless mirror pics in the gym. Fuck, he got hotter. Y/N whispered to herself.

He has gotten so big since the last time she saw him. He was so built. His veins were popping out of every inch of his arms, his biceps looked almost bigger than his whole head, you could easily tell his abs were rock hard and bunch of the new tattoos he had gotten looked better than ever on him. The green shorts he was wearing in the picture complimented his golden skin so well, it made him look like a some kind of greek god.

But one picture caught her eye and it made her heart to sink.  

It was a picture of him and some girl kissing on some fancy looking balcony. He finally found somebody.

She felt happy for him because he looked genuinely happy and you could easily they loved each other very much. But also, deep inside Y/N kinda wished it was her.

Y/N shook that thought away immediately because she remembered that she still had a boyfriend. But she still needed to call him because her emotions were building up so much, she didn’t knew what to do.

Scrolling through her contact list she found his number but hesitated to call him. Maybe he changed his number? Maybe he doesn’t even remember me anymore? Maybe his girlfriend hates me because Grayson has told her something about me? Maybe he won’t even pick up? Millions of thoughts rushed through Y/N’s head as her finger lingered above the little call button.

After two minutes of thinking she whispered to herself Fuck it and pressed the call button.

The call was dialing, her heart was beating in her ears which meant he didn’t changed his number.

“Hello?” Grayson’s voice sounded groggy which meant he was probably sleeping but also he sounded very confused.

Y/N breathing stopped as soon as she heard his voice. Her heart was beating out of her chest, she didn’t knew what she was feeling. “Grayson?”

“Pumpkin?” Y/N’s heart swelled with joy. He remembered her nickname. It was hers since she was seven or eight.  

On the other side of line, Grayson’s heart was racing. He haven’t heard from her since that barbeque party and hearing it again made him dizzy. His girlfriend of three months, Jade, was wrapped around him and didn’t heard his phone go off which made Grayson calm for some reason.

“You remember…” Y/N whispered almost inaudible but Grayson heard her.

“Of course I do, what do you mean?” He chuckled as his lips formed the biggest smile ever. It has been a long time since Grayson has smiled that hard.

“I don’t know… It has been a long time, I thought you forgot…” Y/N sighed confessing. Even after almost four years Grayson still could tell when Y/N was sad and he knew for sure that she was sad now.

“I will never forget, Y/N. Anyway, why are you calling?” Grayson asked still feeling confused.

Y/N wanted to tell him everything. How she felt, how Mike was making her fell, how he was making her feel, how she missed him, how she wanted to be beside him right now but she couldn’t.

She felt her chest closing due to amount of emotions she was feeling. “There is a lot of reasons but I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.”

Those words hurt both of them. They both felt guilty for not being in touch with each other.

“Pumpkin…” Grayson sighed “You know I’m always there for you.”

After those words Jade started shifting around in Graysons arms. “Babe?”

Y/N heard her voice on the other line and it made her heart shrink. Sadness and jealously took over her head. She wished it was her calling him babe.

She heard Grayson calm her down, “Go to sleep, angel. Old friend of mine called.”

Y/N couldn’t handle hearing him call somebody else Angel and him calling her ‘old friend’. This meant that he didn’t told Jade about her. But why?

Jade was to sleepy to understand what was happening so she just drifted to sleep again.

“Oh, I don’t want to interrupt your girlfriends sleep. Maybe I will call tomorrow. Bye!” Y/N murmured fastly and hang up the phone.

“Wai-“ Grayson was cut off and was left confused again. He knew for sure he won’t be sleeping tonight after this unexpected call. His head was going crazy with thoughts. Why she called? Is she in trouble? What happened?

Dropping her phone Y/N groaned into her hands. She felt so devastated and vulnerable.

She walked to her kitchen counter and looked for her sleeping pills because she knew for a fact – without those she won’t asleep tonight.

-

The next morning Y/N was woken up by her phone ringing. She didn’t even looked who was calling and just picked up her phone.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Pumpkin? Are you okay?” It was Grayson. Y/N eyes widened immediately and she wasn’t sleepy anymore.

“Grayson? Yes? Yes. I’m okay.” Her heart was running a fucking marathon just by hearing his voice.

“Why did you call yesterday?”

One trait that Y/N always had was that she always said what she meant. She hated beating around the bush and talking in hints. She also hated when other people did that too.

“To be fucking honest Grayson. I’m a fucking emotional mess right now and need some kind of support because I never felt more lonely.”

Grayson felt his heart break a little by hearing those words. He wanted to punch himself for not calling her from time to time.

“I will be in New York next week. Please, wait for me.”

After the call Grayson’s girlfriend was very suspicious about his old friend. Grayson avoided every question about her and it made Jade furious.

“Can you just tell who is that old friend and why are you calling him Pumpkin?!” Jade snapped walking towards him.

“I want to have some alone time right now, Jade. Please leave me alone.” Grayson sighed walking away and leaving Jade angry and confused.

-

The whole week flew by very fast.

Y/N tried to call Mike but he wasn’t answering his phone and just sending texts like ‘sorry, babe. Working.’.

It made Y/N even more devastated because she was so hopeless about this relationship. She loved Mike but after hearing Grayson’s voice again, she was confused about everything.

On the other hand, Grayson tried to shake Y/N out of his head because he knew he was hurting Jade and himself too.

He told Jade everything about her, except the fact that he had feelings for Y/N almost all his life.

The day came. They were meeting after four years.

Both of them were feeling scared but also excited. I think it’s kind of obvious why Grayson is feeling scared.

The fear of catching feelings again was haunting both of them. Grayson didn’t want to ruin his relationship with Jade and Y/N didn’t want to ruin his relationship because she would feel very bad because she is not selfish.

After having breakfast with his girlfriend, Grayson got a text from Y/N that said ‘meet me in 10. here’s my address.’. It made Grayson’s stomach twirl in the good way.

Jade knew about this ‘meeting’ but she didn’t said anything about it even though she was against it because she knew it will make Grayson very mad.

“I gotta go, babe. Love you.” Grayson kissed her and ran out of door while his personal driver was waiting for him.

Jade closed the hotel room door and sighed. She was feeling fear. She was scared of this Y/N chick.

Jade saw the look in his Grayson’s eyes as he talked about Y/N to her. They looked like they had stars shining inside of them. He talked about her like she was the biggest star of the universe and it made Jade very insecure because he never talked about her like that and since that night, when Y/N called him, Grayson’s wasn’t the same.

He was losing sleep, he was being alone in his thoughts more often, he drank more than usual and he skipped a lot of his trainings which made his agency very mad but at this point he didn’t care. He just wanted to meet her.

Grayson’s ride went faster than ever because he was lost in his train of thoughts.

“Sir? You’re here.” Marco, his personal driver, said while snapping Grayson out of his train of thoughts.

“Thanks, man. Have a day off, I will walk back.” Grayson patted his shoulder and got out of the car.

And there he was. Standing outside of Y/N’s apartment complex as his heart was beating in his ears.

After walking in Grayson spent about seven minutes trying to find her apartment door but it was unsuccessful because he had to ask for help.

His head was getting dizzy just by standing in front of her door. His mind was racing hundred miles per hour and he felt like he was going to pass out. Grayson lifted his hand to ring her doorbell and he started freaking out even more.

Running was heard from other side of the door and after couple of seconds it opened revealing something that made Grayson’s heart flutter.

It was her.

“Pumpkin…” He sighed grabbing her into his arms.

Y/N felt like she was dreaming as she wrapped her tiny arms around him. Everything felt so familiar. His scent, his embrace, his touch. She felt like all her emotions were going to fall out of her at this moment. “Grayson…”

None of them wanted to let go. They wanted to stay like this forever. It felt so right for them to be in each others arms.

“I missed you so much.” Y/N voice cracked as she felt tears building up in her eyes. Grayson pulled away from the hug hearing her voice crack.

She’s got more and more beautiful. Fuck. He thought but then he saw the tears and his face softened. “Oh god, angel, I missed you too. Please don’t cry, it hurts me so much and blaming myself I haven’t called you.” He cupped her face and wiped her cheeks. Y/N was afraid to look him in the eyes.

The fear that were haunting them about ruining his relationship came back again because as the second they looked into each others eyes it was over. Mike and Jade was forgotten.

There was no turning back. All of their feelings came back. The flashbacks, the memories, everything.

They were fucked.

“Come in” Y/N said pulling away from Grayson’s hands because she felt guilty.

Grayson walked in admiring her place. He remembered how Y/N always used to talk about decorating her first apartment and how she couldn’t wait for it. And here is she was 6 years later, living here in her own imagination.

“You made it.” He whispered proudly.

“What?” Y/N asked confused.

“You made it. Your place looks like it was taken out of your imagination.” He explained while plopping down on her couch and admiring all the details around him.

Y/N felt her stomach twirl. He remembers…

“Yeah… It look a lot of time to furnish it. Anyways, do you want anything? Coffee, water?” She asks still avoiding eye contact with him.

And, of course, he notices that. “Yeah. First of all, stop avoiding eye contact, I’m not stupid. And second of all, tell me everything.”

He pats a place on the couch next to him and gives her a smile, “Come on, Pumpkin. Like the old times.”

Y/N took a deep breath and walked towards the couch. Her whole body felt hot and not because of the hot summer weather.

She sat down next to Gray and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder which made Y/N’s stomach do backflips. “Spill.”

-

#grayson #gray #grayson and ethan #grayson dolan #graysondolan #grayson dolan imagine #grayson x reader #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan blurb #ethan #ethan dolan #ethan dolan au #ethandolan #ethan dolan imagine #ethan dolan icons #my writing

[hermannsthumb]

maria I am literally begging you to write newt and hermann being sent off to meet hannibal

(this prompt is re: my answer to this ask)

god i think this kind of au is so fucking fun....also i always wanted to do a post-newt’s-first-drift missing scene (eyes emoji)

-------------------

Newt’s not sure what to say to Hermann after the Marshal leaves the lab. I told you so seems a little harsh, considering the circumstances--the fact that Hermann’s still deathly pale, that his legs are still trembling, that he collapsed into a chair the moment the door clicked shut and hasn’t been able to look at Newt since. He might start throwing things at Newt. Or crying. Newt’s not sure which is worse. Sorry you had to find me spasming to death on the floor. It’d be a lie; Newt’s sorry Hermann had to see him at an, uh, low point like that, but he’s not sorry he did it. Not after what it gave him. Thanks for saving me from spasming to death on the floor. Better.

“Hey,” Newt says. “Thanks, you know, for--”

“No,” Hermann says.

“...for saving my life,” Newt says. He forces a grin. “If I’d fried my brain out it would’ve been a total waste of time.”

“Newton,” Hermann says.

Newt scuffs his boot against the ground. Too soon. He hadn’t expected Hermann to be this--well, affected about it all. He thought the guy hated him. He thought the guy would’ve been glad to get rid of him. (Morbid, but whatever.) “Uh. Anyway. I gotta--get that brain. The kaiju brain.”

Hermann turns, sharply, blinking fast. “The kaiju brain,” he says.

“Yeah,” Newt says. Hermann’s being uncharacteristically slow on the uptake. Shock, maybe. Newt swipes the back of his sleeve across his still-bleeding nose--his button-up’s already stained beyond repair, not much more damage he can do to it--and snags his leather jacket from the back of his desk chair. “What Pentecost said? He needs me to do it again. I have to--”

“Yes,” Hermann says. He reaches one trembling hand for his cane and pushes himself to his feet. “The brain. I’ll be coming with you, of course.”

Newt’s jacket nearly slips from his grasp. He gapes at Hermann. “You’ll what?’

“I’ll be coming with you,” Hermann repeats. “You can’t really expect me to let you go alone.”

Newt does drop his jacket, this time, and immediately scrambles to pick it up, his face growing warm. “Hermann, that’s--” he stammers, “that’s really--” Here it is, what he’s been waiting for--some big, romantic confession, Hermann sweeping him into his arms, declaring it’s them against the rest of the world, that it was almost the end of his world when he found Newt bleeding and seizing, that he’d follow Newt to the ends of the Earth and beyond.

What Hermann actually says is “You wouldn’t last an hour without me.”

“Oh.” Newt deflates.

Hermann is already clacking out the door, his parka already--somehow--zipped up to his throat. It’s not even cold out. Totally unnecessary. “Do hurry up.”

Newt pulls on his jacket and scurries after him.

--

“If you’d walked faster,” Hermann says, glaring miserably at the night sky and the rain that pelts down from it, “we wouldn’t have missed the bus.”

“I’m pretty sure the buses aren’t fucking running, Hermann,” Newt says. “They haven’t been running in months. If you left your cave and socialized every once in a while, you might know that.”

“And if you hadn’t forgotten the umbrella--”

“I didn’t even ask you to come, you big baby!” Newt says. “You forced yourself on me!” Hermann scowls; Newt sighs, feeling a little guilty, and kicks at a bit of trash. He’s being an asshole and he knows it. Hermann might have perfectly legitimate reasons for not wanting to walk--his knee might be acting up, for one, like it sometimes does in the rain--and not to mention that Hermann did just save his life. “It’s, like, a mile. Do you want me to hail a cab? You’ll have to pay, since I’m kinda balling on a budget, man, but...” He’s not sure how much the brain is going to cost either. Or if it’ll cost anything at all. Maybe it’ll be like something from a spy movie--Newt flashes his PPDC badge, drops Pentecost’s name, and the Chau guy immediately wheels a brain out for him, no questions asked. What sort of favors does he owe Pentecost, anyway?

“No cab,” Hermann says. He flips up his hood with a great deal more sass than necessary. Newt has to admit the rain is kind of annoying; his hair is dripping, his glasses are impossible to see through, his jacket--and the clothing it’s supposed to be protecting--completely soaked. “I suppose I’ll have to make do.”

“Oh, how noble,” Newt says. He shines his black light on a nearby street sign, and the symbol from the card Pentecost gave him flashes into view, along with a little arrow. Very spy movie. Newt’s loving it. “Okay, it’s a right up ahead.”

The crowd doesn’t necessarily dissipate when they turn down the next street, but it does thin out, and Newt and Hermann are able to slip through a lot more easily. They’re also able to hear each other without shouting. “A mile?” Hermann says, squinting out at Newt from under his fuzzy hood.

“More or less,” Newt says. “Probably less. Be on the lookout for spooky guys in sunglasses.” He’s not sure if that’s what the dealers actually look like, but sunglasses seem appropriate. Fedoras, maybe. Black trenchcoats. Newt’s nose suddenly stings. “Ah. Shit!”

It’s started bleeding again; in a flash, Hermann is holding his handkerchief to it. “Pinch it,” he says, strangely gentle, “there we are, Newton.”

“Ugh. Thanks.” Newt screws his eyes up and tilts his head back, pinching as Hermann instructed. “I don’t know what I did.”

“Does it hurt?” Hermann says. One nervous, fluttering hand presses itself to Newt’s shoulder, to the side of his face, atop the handkerchief, then drops away, and Newt is reminded of how tightly Hermann’d gripped him when he dragged Newt out of his drift. “Or your head? Are you--?”

“Nah,” Newt says. “Just a fucking nuisance.” He draws the handkerchief--wet with rain, too, and stained a deep crimson--back, and sniffs and wrinkles his nose a few times. “Stopped again. For now. Do you mind if I hold onto this?” He waves the handkerchief around.

The corner of Hermann’s mouth twitches up. “Keep it. I don’t particularly want it back.”

Newt crams it into his pocket. He crams his hands into his pockets, too, fixes his eyes on the wet pavement, mostly to keep himself from doing something dumb like taking Hermann’s arm to feel one of those strong hands on him again. (Hermann never touches him; today, he has twice.) “Thanks, by the way,” Newt says. “I know I already said it, but--I owe you a lot.”

“Don’t be silly, Newton,” Hermann says. “It’s only a handkerchief.”

Newt glances up; Hermann’s faint smile has turn strained. “That’s not what I meant,” Newt says, but he has a feeling Hermann knows. He’s not surprised when Hermann says nothing. 

They hurry on. The rain picks up.

“How much longer now?” Hermann says.

Newt shines the black light at a cluster of nearby street signs. He shines the light at some a few feet ahead. He pushes across the street (no cars, down this way) and shines at some more there. Hermann is waiting for him when he pushes back, hood down, full brunt of his glare focused on Newt. “Uh,” Newt says. “We may have taken a wrong turn.”

Hermann bitches at him for the entirety of the time it takes to turn back, shine the light around some more, and find the right street to go down, which is a whole of ten minutes, hardly anything, but Hermann’s acting like Newt set them back, like, a whole fucking hour. “You didn’t have to come,” Newt reminds him, after Hermann finishes a tirade about Newt’s irresponsibility. “You really, really, really didn’t--”

“Of course I did!”

“I never asked you,” Newt says. “Pentecost never asked you. I wanted--”

“I wanted to keep an eye on you and make sure you didn’t get yourself killed!” Hermann says. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t do something even stupider than drift with a kaiju brain, since you obviously can’t wait to sacrifice yourself for some--”

Newt snorts. “Why do you give a shit if I get myself killed?”

Hermann comes to a staggering halt; he clutches, desperately, at Newt’s arm. “Because I care about you, you moron!” he shouts.

A few passersbys give Hermann a Look--the weird Brit yelling at the American in the middle of a crowded sidewalk--and, coloring fast, reeling away from Newt, he shrinks in on himself in embarrassment. Newt does, too, but for a different reason entirely. “You care about me?” Newt squeaks. (Here it comes, Newt’s sure of it: the confession, the sweeping Newt into his arms, the kissing him, even.)

“Of course I do,” Hermann says. He’s deceptively calm, in a way that means he might start shouting again very soon if Newt doesn’t play it cool. Kissing’s probably out of the question. “I care very much about you, Newton.” He works his jaw. “Finding you was--upsetting.”

“Oh,” Newt says.

“The thought of having not found you, of not reaching you in time, was even more upsetting,” Hermann says. “I was not eager to relive it.”

“Oh,” Newt repeats.

"You mean--to me--Newton, you and I--” Hermann swallows heavily a few times, sighs, rubs his hand across his face. His blush hasn’t faded. “It’s of no import at the moment. A conversation for another time, perhaps. We need--we need to, ah, get you your kaiju brain.”

“Right,” Newt says, though every bone in his body screams for him to beg Hermann to finish his fucking sentence. (What does Newt mean to him, exactly?) “I think it’s a left down here.”

--

Chau pulls a knife on Newt; Hermann smacks it out of his hand with his cane.

Newt almost swoons.

--

"Hey,” Newt says, as the kaiju shelter trembles overhead, as he trembles in Hermann’s arms, “there’s, like, a ninety percent chance we’re about to die, and I just want to say it was really hot when you--”

“Shut up,” Hermann says, and kisses Newt.

--

They don’t die. Newt gets his kaiju brain. Win-win.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #shakesexual

[dat-fandom-losertown]

The Drift Between Us

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Chapter 6: The Trouble and the Verdict

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Hank Anderson x Connor and Gavin Reed x RK900

Pacific Rim AU

Warnings: A bit more swearing than usual, some used as Verbal Antagonization

Word Count: 10,364

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Previous <~> Masterlist <~> Next

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

    Hank woke up at an ungodly hour this morning due to a nightmare again. He wonders if it’s the slight increase in social activity he’s being subjected to or if he’s just becoming less affected by the alcohol that he tries so desperately to drown unpleasant memories with. Hank has his bets on the latter, but he won’t rule out the former.

    Being up this early in the morning with no desire to go back to sleep means another morning where he goes out to eat breakfast just as it opens. The only reason he doesn’t start his day drinking like he nearly did last time he was in this situation is because he still vividly remembers the pure shock on everyone’s faces. Still fucking priceless, and still worth getting his cranky ass up and at ‘em if he ain’t going back to sleep anyway.

    Just like last time, when he goes out to get his food, his military-lunch-lady doesn’t hide her surprise. Hank’s a bit disappointed, though, when the other food workers don’t openly stare at him like he has a second head like they had before. That was half of the fun, messing with their heads so obviously. Now they’re just occasionally glancing at him with curious expressions while they work and cook.

    He doesn’t know if it’ll be worth it to do this again within the next couple of months. A damn shame is what it is.

    He sits down at his table, eating slowly because he isn’t even all that hungry– he literally only wanted to see the workers’ faces. By the time he’s done eating, an hour and a half has passed, and Hank suddenly realizes that he hasn’t seen Connor at all. He glances around, looking for any other trainees, and he finds the group Connor’s twin (he already forgot his name again, shit) always hangs around at, but neither brother is there. Something strange settles in his gut and he doesn’t like it one single bit.

    Hank gets up and puts his tray away, forcing himself to stop thinking about it. It doesn’t work very well at all because he’s almost instantly imagining Connor having another “mood dip”, as what’s-his-face called it. Maybe he’s just taking care of Connor or something–

    Worry.

    This feeling in his gut is worry.

    Oh fuck no. Nope. Not happening. Not fuckin’ today, not fuckin’ ever.

    Hank promptly shoves every single thought of the twins out of his head and forces himself to take stock of what he has to drink and munch on in his room on his way back to his safe space. It’s a good thing he does because he realizes he’s starting to run low on pretty much everything except protein bars and water bottles. He’s going to need to get more alcohol very soon, but fucking Fowler has been watching him closely recently. Apparently a guy can’t shower and get up early one time before his friend (are they even still friends? Or are they old friends now?) thinks he’s trying to work at getting better.

    God, it’s not like Hank’s super popular down here, either. It was already difficult enough filling his stash, and now it’s just going to be a right pain in the ass. See, this is why he didn’t mind Connor. The trainee saw what a fucking catastrophe he was and didn’t do shit about it. He just let Hank be after that bottle cleaning incident, the same incident that led him to impulsively recycle all of the old bottles and throw his laundry into a large pile in the corner of the room.

    Wait, he’s not supposed to be thinking about him right now. Fuck you, brain.

    Well, there’s still Arnold, he guesses. He’s never given a shit about what Fowler or anyone else says. Honestly, Hank’s surprised that asshole still has his job. The thing is, though, Arnold can’t keep a secret for shit. Everyone and their uncles would know how low he stooped just to get some alcohol in his bunker. There’s also Vanessa. She’s a charming gal, but he’s not confident she would help him–

    Is that Connor sitting next to my door?

    “Connor?” 

    The trainee’s head snaps up from where it was tucked into his knees. He’s curled up on the ground to the right of his door, his arms squeezing his knees to his chest. A closer look shows that Connor’s eyes are bloodshot, and Hank would almost think he’s high right now if he didn’t know any better, but he does. He also sees the dark bags under his eyes. Christ, has this guy slept at all in the past week?

    Hank suddenly remembers thinking about if he was having a mood dip, and wonders if that’s what’s happening right now. He seemed fine enough yesterday at lunch, though, but he wasn’t there for dinner…

    “Good morning, Mr. Anderson.” He gets up to his feet, and the new position shows off how rumpled his training clothes look. He’s never seen Connor rumpled without seeing bandages. It’s kind of unsettling. “I’m so sorry to bother you, but I was kind of hoping I could get one of your snacks you mentioned having a while ago? I’d owe you a favor in return.” he wrings his hands together.

    “Yeah.” Hank doesn’t think, he just answers. “Yeah sure. C’mon in. You look like you need it more than I do, and that’s sayin’ somethin’.”

    He quickly opens his door, and Connor shuffles in after him. Hank doesn’t think he’s ever seen him shuffle before, he abruptly notices. He doesn’t say anything about it, being acutely aware of how it feels to be in that position, and starts digging through the top drawer in his desk for one of the chocolate protein bars. He remembers Connor loving the brownies at lunch, and Hank prefers the peanut butter ones anyway.

    “Thank you very much for doing this. Ritch wanted me to eat something this morning, but I don’t think I can stomach a breakfast like he wants me to. And I’m sorry for sitting in front of your door, I was still trying to decide if I should ask you to part with some of your stash...” A pause. “You cleaned.”

    That comment immediately puts Hank on edge. He pauses from digging around for a moment and turns his head just enough to see Connor’s reaction. He has a tiny, tired smile on his face, and Hank doesn’t know how to feel about that.

    “Yeah? And what of it?” he grumbles defensively.

    The other hums, “I’m just glad there’s no chance of you stepping on a bottle and hurting yourself anymore, is all.”

    God damn it, he looked so genuine as he said that.

    He’s used to the stupid “Congratulations, you’re not hopeless!” talks that he got so often a few years back. “You cleaned your room! Yay!” “I’m glad you showered!” “Hank, did you shave? That’s good!” “Woah, you’re up early! I’m happy you’re better today.” All of these types of things he’s completely used to. They’re all wishes and quiet hopes that he’s finally getting better and going back to normal, when he isn’t and probably never will.

    He is absolutely not used to hearing “Now you probably won’t accidentally hurt yourself because your room is sort of kinda clean!” Wasn’t that Connor’s excuse for cleaning up his shit last time he was in here? He didn’t want Hank to get hurt by tripping or shattering a bottle or something?

    He truly doesn’t know how to react, so he simply grunts an acknowledgement and gets back to his search, hoping his pause wasn’t too noticeable. Hank finds what he’s looking for and turns around. He hands two protein bars to Connor, who takes them with the expression of someone who doesn’t want to eat even this much.

    Hank, against his better judgement, decides to prod a bit. He won’t force the kid to talk, but something must have happened if he looks this offended by food, and besides, Hank has always been known for being a bit nosy at times. It’s been his excuse for as long as he’s been getting into other people’s businesses or strange situations.

    “Did you see something that made you lose your appetite in one of those slides they show you new comers?”

    He remembers not wanting to eat for a day or two after seeing those gory pictures. Some were of Kaijus that had been torn apart, blue coated guts just lying in the middle of mass destruction, others of what remained of people who were completely smashed under collapsed buildings. He hates that he’s seen both of those scenes in person now, too.

    Connor seems a bit confused before realization hits, “Oh! No. Those aren’t anything I haven’t studied in detail before–” What the hell kind of things did his trainer have him studying, then? “–so they didn’t bother me. Actually, uh… We were, um, caught lying on our evaluation exams two days ago.”

    “You cheated on the single thing that measures your entire worth around here? Are you fucking insane, Connor!?”

    Connor’s gaze snaps up to him from the floor, “No. We did not cheat, we lied. We know a lot more than I think we’re supposed to at this stage of training, and we don’t want to graduate early, so we purposefully marked questions wrong on the written evaluation and held back during the physical ones.” His gaze goes distant like it was before, and he drops down to sit on Hank’s bed. “I thought we were in the clear, but I guess we must’ve slipped at some point because we had to talk to Marshal Fowler about it.”

    Hank knows better than to force someone with that distant look in their eyes to get up and do anything, so if he needs to carry on the conversation to let Connor settle for a moment, so be it. If Hank is secretly curious about why and how he and Ritch (That’s what his name was! He knew he knew it!) lied on the evaluations and almost got away with it, so be it. 

    “Why the hell would you not wanna graduate early? Do you even understand how amazing that looks on records?”

    “I–” Connor blinks a few times, the glazed look on his face gradually dissipating. “I suppose it doesn’t really matter anymore. The entire thing is out of our hands, now.” He stands up with perfect posture. “We’ll reap what we sowed, and if worse comes to worst we can still be bodyguards or something of the like, just as Ritch said. Ten years of combat training has to mean something, right?”

    Connor meets his eyes. “I feel more relaxed now, oddly enough. I suppose I just had to get that off of my chest. Thank you very much for the protein bars and for listening to me complain about my own decisions. If there’s anything you think I can do for you before I likely leave, don’t hesitate to ask.” he finishes with a small smile.

    Part of Hank really wants to say that he wasn’t exactly complaining about his decisions, he was just stressing about the consequences that he was smart enough to realize he had. Another tiny part of him wanted to ask the trainee for booze as repayment, but there’s no way in hell he’s doing that. Yet another part wanted to remind Connor that he also gave him the blanket and stress ball, but he knows the trainee’s thankful for that, and Hank isn’t going to go out of his way to be an asshole like that. Instead, he tries to actually use his head for once and does something stupid, against his own judgement.

    He tries to comfort him.

    “Don’t worry about it. Fowler’s a pretty understandable guy, and you two are smart people. Whatever reason you had for underplaying your skills must’ve been a damn good one because you’re not stupid. And he’ll see that, too, if he doesn’t already. I mean, he lets my useless ass bum around here, so…” he trails off.

    “Let’s hope so. But, again, I don’t think you’re as useless as you seem to have convinced yourself you are.” He turns and heads to the door as he talks over his shoulder, “Whatever may happen to me, I hope you remember that you aren’t as terrible as you keep trying to make yourself out to be. Brains are just stupid like that, I of all people should know that, at least.” He opens the door, looking back at Hank with a soft smile, “Thank you again, for everything.” And he’s gone.

    It takes Hank at least a minute, if not longer, to finally have his first clear thought in the silent chaos his head has suddenly become.

    He still doesn’t like how Connor seems to understand him better than any of the therapists assigned to him did.

    Hank once again can’t decide if he should be disappointed in his old therapists, somewhat proud of Connor for being aware as all hell, or let himself be worried for the trainee (he kind of already is, though, isn’t he?). He’s leaning towards the first option, with a healthy dosage of the third. He knew his therapists were shit for him. That’s the main reason he started drinking all the time; they never really worked for him. He also knows that Connor has some mental issues of his own that he’s slowly working through, but when his mind tries to connect the guy who seems in tune with how Hank’s feeling most of the time with someone who hasn’t even turned 25 yet, it just doesn’t work. Error 404, connection can not be found.

    Hank suddenly remembers why he didn’t put on his mean act around Connor; he saw some of himself in the trainee. At the time, he was pretty pretty he was just self-projecting, but as time is passing, it’s becoming more and more clear that this is just how the young man is. 

    Wait a minute, back the hell up.

    Connor mentioned ten years of combat training. He’s pretty sure he knew about the twins having several years of training before they got here, but an entire decade dedicated to combat? Fucking hell, when will this kid stop surprising him? Apparently Connor was right during that first day he sat at Hank’s table; he really isn’t a kid anymore, huh? Hank always knew he had a rough and extremely censored childhood, what with the complete lack of common life knowledge and shit. Ten whole fucking years, though? Why the hell wouldn’t they just test out of the training segment altogether? They’re partners, aren’t they?

    …Unless they’re not.

    Every time he’s seen those two in the same room– which is admittedly not very often– they’ve either been silent, tense, or arguing. While Hank can see that they’re probably trying their best for one another, he can tell that it probably doesn’t seem like that’s the case from their perspective. It’d be like the other is constantly pushing back, and the only time they’re not is when some kind of mess that affects both of them is being dealt with or they’re being silent.

    Hank wonders if that’s what people saw when his friendship with Jeff started going downhill. He has a sinking feeling that it probably is. 

    Jesus, if that’s even partially the case, then no wonder why they don’t want to graduate early and be forced to work together.

    Now, the next question is does Hank want to have a small chat with Jeff about the lying situation? The marshal should have known about all of this before it became a problem, after all. Connor and Ritch definitely don’t seem like the type of people who would try to lie about something important like this before trying to get it cleared up altogether first.

    No, he shouldn’t meddle. They can handle themselves just fine.

    He groans and rubs his face with his hands. He should stop inviting Connor into his room to grab things. It always leads to a lot of thinking and some kind of big ass realization. It’s exhausting.

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

    Gavin is finally on his way back to his room from breakfast. During the entire meal, Tina wouldn’t stop grilling him about RItch again. He gets it, he really, truly does. He knows what it looks like for a guy who has exactly one friend to suddenly start insulting another guy then get insulted back without there being any real heat or anger. To everyone else, it looks like he made a new friend or possibly something more (“Slut Gavin” has officially made a reappearance, just as he predicted, and he wants to ram everybody’s head into a wall. He’s never been anything less than modest with anyone except two people.), even though this is far from the case.

    Right?

    Yes, definitely. Even if he did want some kind of friend, they aren’t created through insults. People just need to learn how to shut the fuck up or find something else to ramble on about.

    Therefore, he purposely takes the longer way to his room that brings him closer to the training quarters in some secret wish that Ritch will pop around the corner and they’ll have another go so he can blow off some steam. Gavin actually ended up taking Ritch’s advice and briefly brainstormed some “fancier” insults last night when he couldn’t sleep, mainly so he could blame the internet when they end up not meeting his standards anyway. Ritch better be fucking thankful because doing that was kind of embarrassing, since he’s known for being a natural asshole–

    “ALEX!!”

    Gavin freezes and his senses go on high alert. That was Luther who just yelled. The same Luther that everyone is convinced has a vocal problem that prevents him from speaking louder than an acceptable indoor volume and a chemical imbalance that keeps him from ever getting angry. The same Luther that never once yelled at Gavin during training, despite the larger man being in the last steps of his apprenticeship at the time and had full authority to.

    What the fucking hell did Alex do to piss off Luther of all people?

    Gavin sets off to the training room. Once upon a time he would have tried to convince himself that he was just wanting to be a nosy asshole and get into people’s business, but he has no problem admitting nowadays that he’s genuinely concerned and wants to see if urgent help is needed.

    Gavin rounds a corner and enters the hall that connects with the training area. He starts hearing people swearing and telling someone (presumably Alex) to just leave, and then hears that fucking idiot start trying to pick a fight with Luther. Gavin pokes his head in, immediately scanning the room.

    Luther looks like he’s about to spontaneously combust with rage right there in the center of the room, and that scares the shit out of Gavin. He has never once seen the large man genuinely mad, let alone ready to rip someone to pieces like he does now. This Alex character suddenly barks out that he could throw Luther down, despite being less than half of the instructor’s size. What a fucking moron.

    After a closer look, Gavin realizes that Alex was the dude that couldn’t even take one passing insult from him. That one jackass with Ritch in the hall on that second day of training season. He steps in quickly so the other fuck-tards don’t escalate things even more.

    That’s the thing about someone always starting fights, if that person’s smart, they also get oddly good at calming things down. Gavin just so happens to be one of the smart ones for whatever reason.

    “I was taking the long way back to my room when I heard someone shouting swears around here?” Explosion kid turns to him and– oh shit, he has a big ass knife, and Gavin knows for a fucking fact that trainees aren’t allowed to have any kind of weapon, but he steps inside the room casually as if he hasn’t noticed it. “That’s kind of my area of expertise, you know? And, like, how the fuck did you manage to get gentle giant over here mad? Not even I could do that and pissing people off is literally my entire personality.”

    “Gavin,” Luther says calmly, the terrifying kind of calm that makes him hesitate, “We don’t need you right now.”

    Gavin raises his eyebrows and turns so he can look at Luther while keeping Alex in his peripheral. He tilts his head the slightest when the other man’s jaw clenches at his movement. He flicks his eyes over to Alex and back to Luther, trying to convey that for the first time in a long while, he doesn’t want to stir things up more, that he actually wants to help this time.

    “You sure about that?” Gavin asks softly, genuinely.

    He’s glad that Luther’s features loosen a bit, losing that edge of murder. He’s the only one who seems to understand that Gavin doesn’t always want to make people’s lives miserable. He understands how troublemakers like this one work and he knows how to handle himself well enough to not lose in a potential fight, or at least enough to be able to stall until the real help can arrive. Luther starts stepping back to the room’s intercom, probably to contact Fowler about this. A knife of that kind and size doesn’t even belong in this base, let alone in a trainee’s hands.

    “This ain’t any of your business, cocksucker. Why don’t you just go off and play with your boy toy, huh?” explosion kid calls out, and Luther looks about ready to kill again.

    “Ah, so you’ve caught on to the fake ‘Slut Gavin’ rumors.” he turns to Alex quickly, “Why am I not surprised?”

    “This is the same guy who picked a fight with you in front of Fowler’s official office,” a very familiar, teasing voice calls out from his left. “but I wouldn’t expect you to remember that with how many people you quite literally bump into. Can you even handle a situation like this without losing your own temper? I promise to not say ‘I told you so’ if you can’t.” Gavin can see the slight bit of mirth in his eyes, even if he isn’t smirking like he has a few times before.

    At least five people hiss “Ritch” quietly. Apparently this is out of character for the guy. Gavin feels almost proud of himself.

    Gavin fixes him with a glare the other has already received from him multiple times, “Watch me, dick. I’m about to show you a prim and proper end to this shitshow like no one ain’t ever seen before.”

    “I’ve already said my name is not Richard, but go right on ahead and try.” Ritch says, cocky.

    Gavin turns his attention over to Alex the Asshole, shutting him up before he can speak with one of his real glares. He starts walking up to him in the center of the room, ignoring Luther’s warning look. He’ll take care of this without blood, even if it’s just to wipe that smug-ass look on Dickie’s face.

    “That your boy toy? I thought you would do better than that.”

    Deep breaths, just like you were taught, Gavin reminds himself. You’re way better than this piece of shit, you’re about to save the day, and you can’t let RoboRitch win this time. Deep breaths.

    “Alright,” he begins once he’s three steps away from Alex, “you heard literally everyone in this room. Come on out with me or else you’re gonna have an even worse day, ‘cause unlike Luther and friends here, I ain’t afraid of breaking some rules, and I ain’t afraid of gettin’ Fowler up in here. I’m just fuckin’ lazy right now.”

    “How about I fucking throw you down and when I win you’ll see that this was all a mistake and I’m gonna be needed on the future team?” he spits in Gavin’s direction, but it missed him completely and hits the floor. He doesn’t miss how he also slightly readjusts his grip on the knife, likely preparing to strike.

    Gavin loudly barks laugh. “Holy shit–” he wheezes. “You actually think–” he takes a deep breath,. “You actually think you could throw me down? My job is literally taking down huge alien monsters while strapped in a giant metal chamber, a trainee with a knife or two ain’t enough to scare me or take me down.” He relaxes his stance to continue his act of nonchalance. “Now put that knife down and let’s get outta here. Don’t make this worse for yourself.”

    Alex grips the knife harder, just as Gavin expected. “You say you can take me on with the knife, but then tell me to drop it? Maybe you’re just a fuckin’ coward? Ever think of that?! Why don’t you fight me like a man?!”

    “Jesus fucking christ. I don’t think I’ve used that one since middle school, and a certain someone–” he pointedly looks at Ritch, “–loves to remind me that I’m the king of childish insults.” He then turns to where Luther is still back by the room’s intercom, watching the whole event carefully. “Was I this bad during training, Luther? You were an apprentice back then, weren’t you? I swear to god I took a hint better than this asshole.”

    Luther, shockingly, nods his head. “You did take a hint, and you also knew when to finally leave, and when to stop if it was getting serious.”

    Gavin hears Alex suddenly shift closer to him, so Gavin quickly readies himself for action, not wanting to risk getting stabbed or sliced. Alex threateningly raises his knife up (not that he could do any serious, lasting damage holding it like that) and Gavin grabs his wrist and twists, forcing him to drop it. He kicks the blade away then lets go, and while Alex is still recollecting himself, the pilot uses the side of his hands to hit the pressure points on the other’s neck. He goes down like a bag of bricks. He stays down just long enough for Gavin to quickly search him, confiscate a blade tucked into his boot, and tie his hands together with a zip tie Luther tosses to him.

    Gavin takes in the shocked silence with a self-satisfied smirk as he snatches up the two knives, finding both the quiet and the full name written on this knife plenty reward enough for dealing with all of this. Alex starts properly waking up from the little stun move, so Gavin’s not worried about him having any lingering effects from being knocked out. He’s officially in the clear and can’t be blamed for anything, for once.

    Ritch suddenly starts speaking. “Just as I thought. You can’t do anything calmly.”

    Gavin blinks hard, then spins his body with a step back to fully face the human-robot with a glare, the whole movement purposely exuding over-the-top “I’m white and offended” vibes. Ritch still doesn’t have a real smile on his face, but Gavin can see the signs of his lips quirking up at the corners and he still has that same amusement in his eye as when they’re passing insults in the halls. It must be Christmas day for him; a quick and easy fight that he can’t get punished for and another quick match with baby-face!

    “Bitch? I told you I’d get him outta here with a prim and proper ending, and he looks damn prim and proper to me! And I didn’t even start the fight!” Gavin turns around just in time to watch Luther hoist Alex over his shoulder in a firefighter hold. The trainee isn’t even struggling anymore, thank god. “He ain’t fighting or bitchin’ now! And I didn’t see you try to do anything about this, dick.”

    “I thought we already discussed that that childish insult was not my name. You really should see a doctor about your memory problems.” Ritch still doesn’t smirk, but Gavin swears he can see it clearly, anyway.

    “I wasn’t implying that it was your name, I was just calling you a penis.” Gavin hears a quiet snort somewhere in the room at that one. “And it’s still not as childish as your face. Or your arms. Really dude, I’ve said this before, but eat a damn steak, a burger or something.” He starts following Luther out of the room. “I’m gonna go help carry this loaf of nothing to Fowler because I can be a responsible pilot when I want to, and you–” he points to Ritch “–are gonna thank me later. With actual words, in front of my friend.”

    “In your dreams, wetland grass.”

    “Fuck you.”

    “I already said no thank–”

    Gavin hurries out with his hands high in the air and his middle fingers even higher, “Sorry! I can’t understand dumbass-ese! Bye bitch!”

    As he walks away to Fowler’s official office, as opposed to his private one, he hears Chloe telling the trainees to do their warm ups and to wait for Luther to get back before doing any training. After that, it falls silent. Gavin can only take a few minutes of it, though, before he can’t hold back the question any longer.

    “So… What the hell did this guy do?” Gavin asks genuinely for once, “I’ve never once seen you get angry, let alone blow up like that. This isn’t even the first time a student pulled a knife on someone else.” He turns to look up at Luther, who’s looking at him with suspicion, “I wasn’t lying when I said I was just taking the long route to my room and just happened to hear the commotion.”

    Luther looks away contemplatively for a few moments, then apparently decides to spill the beans.

    “He almost stabbed two of the other trainees. You took his second and third knives, and they were the least damaging ones. The other two he had were already confiscated by me.”

    Gavin completely freezes. He can’t be fucking serious. Gavin is very suddenly very close to exploding and punching a wall with his bad hand, so he starts double-timing it to the office.

    “Are you shitting me? I haven’t even seen a knife this damn good since my high school years, and if it weren’t for the evidence written on this thing I’d hide it in my stash! Shit, how the hell did he get four of them?!”

    “I don’t know.”

    “Do you know who did the inspections? When they were done last? I swear to fucking god I am going to–”

    “You are going to do nothing, Gavin.”

    He balks, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

    “You’re going to come with me to see Fowler, we are going to get this sorted out, then he and whoever he got this from will be gone, and you won’t worry about this.”

    “How the fucking hell and I supposed to just not worry about this?!” Gavin shouts, getting the attention of two deliverers, so he hushes his tone into something quieter by just as deadly, “I already have personal beef with these guys so I don’t mind–”

    “Gavin please.” Luther rubs his free hand over his face and massages just over eyebrow, a place Gavin knows where headaches commonly form for him. “You having beef with these people is exactly why you should not get involved in this.”

    Silence falls between them again. Gavin breaks it again using a calm, hushed tone.

    “I wasn’t actually this bad, right? Like, I know I wasn’t swinging knives around, but you weren’t just saying that to make sure I didn’t blow up in there, were you?”

    He hates the fact that Luther hesitates to answer for a second or two.

    “You may have always been a jerk, and you may have been much more of a jerk than ever during your first few weeks here, but you’ve always known when poking the bear turned into wrestling with it, and you always knew better than to wrestle.” Luther turns to him, “As much as you apparently hate being called a decent person, you’ve always been fiercely protective of those you really care about.” He faces forward again.

    Gavin doesn’t know what to say to that. It’s not that he hates being called a good person, it’s just that he’s always been called a menace, an asshole, an inconvenience by those who were polite and worse things from people who aren’t, but he can’t remember a single time anyone had anything genuinely nice to say to him without some kind of ulterior motive in play. Not since his partner, anyway.

    God, he fucking misses him. He was the only person who understood him, and then he–

    No. Not now.

    “Gavin?”

    Gavin startles out of his thoughts at the sound of Luther’s voice. He readjusts Alex’s body on his shoulder before looking at the tall man.

    “You okay?” Luther asks, genuine concern in his expression. He’s holding the door open to the office area, waiting for Gavin to step through.

    He shakes his head to help get himself out of this funk he’s in, “Never better. Let’s go put this guy in the ground, and try to keep me out of it.” He steps inside. “Hey, you’ll have my back, right big guy? I mean, I know I knocked him out there for a minute, but it’s better and more realistic than whatever alternative anyone else was trying to think up.”

    Luther sighs and nods his head, “Yes, I planned on vouching for you. Just don’t say anything stupid or incriminating. Marshal Fowler has been in a prickly mood for the past few days, and I’d rather not have you testing him. Again.”

    “I’ll try my best, but I’m not gonna make any promises.” Luther gives him a sharp look. “It all depends on what I’m going to hear about this kid and how much it’s going to piss me off.”

    Another sigh to Gavin’s right, but Luther doesn’t say anything this time.

    They walk into Fowler’s office without knocking, and all the rest of the process goes by rather quickly. They filed out the reasons why Alex is being dishonorably dismissed with Gavin acting as a witness, then he recites the full names of the likely owners of the knives. He’s sent on his way not long after that, since Luther and Fowler need to talk about some lying dipshits or something. He doesn’t actually care all that much. As he turns the corner in the hall to finally get to his room, he almost literally runs into someone.

    “Watch where you’re fuckin– Anderson?”

    The ex-pilot grunts and rolls his eyes in lieu of a greeting.

    Gavin steps aside as the old drunkard walks to the office areas. “The hell are you doing here? And up this early too.”

    “I’m goin’ to talk to Fowler, just fuck off.” he grumbles over his shoulder.

    “Fowler’s busy talkin’ to Luther about some lyin’ scum right now, so he ain’t free.”

    Hank stops, “Those two liars aren’t even close to scum, and they’re exactly what I want to talk to him about.” He doesn’t say anything else as he hurries through the door, and slams it shut behind him.

    Gavin knows something’s up. Hank doesn’t think highly of anyone, let alone people who apparently lie on important documents. That’s what all this has to be about, after all, because that’s the only kind of lying Fowler handles himself like this. That, and he hasn’t seen Anderson hurry anywhere in years, especially not for any kind of living being, especially humans.

    As curious as Gavin is, he knows when it’s not any of his business, and when looking into things will only bring more trouble than it’s worth. The other thing is that Gavin doesn’t usually give a single flying fuck, and he’s pretty that’s why sure his disciplinary folder is one of the thickest ones in this joint.

    The grand point of all of this is that Gavin really doesn’t want to tango through the lying case, but if anyone thinks he’s not gonna have a part in taking care of this knife business, they’re very wrong. People like that cover up their tracks well enough that they’ll get away with it, even if everyone knows it’s them. Plus, Fowler probably wouldn’t find much to begin with since he’s busy a lot of the time. Gavin is almost excited to finally have a reason to come after them.

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

    It’s a few days after the Alex commotion, and Connor’s normally silent dinner is interrupted by an unfamiliar man in a suit. It’s strange and jarring to see because the only kind of uniforms around here are boots, cargo pants, and plain t-shirts with the occasional jacket with the PPDC symbol on the right sleeve. The stranger calmly walks up to Connor and simply asks him to finish his meal quickly and meet Marshal Fowler in his main office, then walks away towards where Ritch is sitting without any explanation.

    He looks at Hank, wondering if he has ever had this kind of treatment, or if this is exactly what Connor thinks it is. Hank just sends him a confused glance from where he sits diagonal of him (Connor has slowly been scooting closer to him in hopes that one day they can sit across from each other in a charade of actually being social, and it seems to be working so far). That means it’s what he thinks it is, and today is the day that they get sent out of training.

    He’s already done research on what kind of careers he and Ritch can get into after this whole mess, and there were plenty as long as they have the connections. The only problem is, once Amanda hears about them getting kicked out, all of their contacts will be gone instantly. They’re going to have to start at the very bottom and work their way up, which could take years before they get a realistically livable wage, and that’s if they live near the kaiju warning areas. It sucks, but Connor is just one step away from accepting this as his fate, that final step being actually hearing the verdict come out of Fowler’s mouth.

    He doesn’t finish his food. He just sits there and stares at what he did manage to get down before the man in the suit came along. He glances over every now and then to see when Ritch gets up so he can follow him. The moment Connor sees his twin placing his dishes in their respective bins, he gets up as well. He says his routine goodbye to Hank, who surprisingly wishes him luck in a low tone, and puts his own food and utensils in their assigned bin as well.

    “Are you ready?” Ritch says behind him. Connor can almost feel his silent judgement for not eating enough. Surprisingly, though, he doesn’t mention it.

    “As I’ll ever be,” he wrings his hands together, “You?”

    “Quite the same. Come along.” Ritch using his polite, “fancy gathering” voice like he is now never means anything good.

    Ah, apparently that’s all that was needed in order to reach that final step of acceptance. Huh.

    “I’m sure you know already, but I’ve been doing research on exactly which jobs we’ll be eligible for once we are sent out, and the selection actually isn’t–”

    “It is not certain that we are being dismissed.” Ritch interrupts, “I thought I told you this already.”

    Connor huffs, “It never hurts to be prepared.”

    “I suppose not, but call me optimistic that we’ll be staying here.” He looks to Connor without turning his head, “If they have any brains at all, they’ll want us here. We are smarter and stronger than we made ourselves out to be, and came clean as soon as we knew we were caught. They know we only did this because we were forced to and they didn’t listen when we tried to tell them the first time.” He focuses his eyes forward again, “I do not think we’ll be dismissed. At least not today.”

    Connor suddenly has the feeling that Ritch is saying this more for himself than anyone else. It didn’t even occur to him that his twin would be bothered by this. After all, he was the one dragged into this, and he has repeatedly stated that this was Connor’s dream and not his own. Well, that and Ritch doesn’t really care about change as much because he’s extremely adaptable. They both are, but Connor has never been able to stop himself from getting attached to certain things. It’s just how he functions.

    The rest of the walk to Marshal Fowler’s office is spent in silence and with that man in the suit attempting to trail behind them. Connor gives him points for effort, and he’s sure Ritch does too, but he has a feeling that he’s not the only one logging all of his mistakes so they don’t make the same ones.

    Inside the office area– which is not just Marshal Fowler’s office and a waiting room like the other one, but is instead a large room that has plenty of desks for many people– no one pays them or the suited man a distance behind them any mind. As Connor casually turns his head to look around the office, he sees the guy in the suit take a left as they keep going straight to the glass door. Ritch knocks, then opens the door for Connor, who then shuts it behind himself. They’re met with four people in the room; Marshal Fowler, Luther, Chloe, and an older lady they don’t recognize.

    He glances over at Ritch, who then does the same. He can tell that Ritch has finally accepted that they’re not going to be staying here past tomorrow morning, if even that.

    “Good evening Connor, Ritch.” the marshal greets politely.

    “Good evening.” they chorus together.

    “I hope you don’t mind waiting a minute for our fifth member, he hasn’t returned from getting you quite yet.”

    “Oh, the man following us?” Ritch blurts. It startles Connor because he’s never seen him blurt things out before, even before training. It’s always himself that does that and it’s never on purpose.

    At the unfamiliar woman’s raised brow, Connor tries to salvage what he can. “He was taking corners too soon after we had, and his shoes would click on the metal, rather than clang against it like everyone else’s boots. Those are the only reasons why we know.”

    “Well, no, those aren’t the only reasons we know, but those were the main reasons.”

    Connor sends Ritch a look that easily translates to what the hell are you doing? Although, his brother doesn’t spare him a glance.

    “I see, and you know the tells of this? You’re used to being followed, perhaps?” the woman asks in a way that seems like she’s trying to get dirt on them for a crime.

    “No ma’am,” Ritch says before Connor can get anything in, “We’ve just been highly trained. I doubt many things could sneak up on us.”

    Connor lightly smacks him on the thigh with his hand. Just what the hell is he thinking? What is he hoping to accomplish with this antagonization?

    Suit guy walks through the door before anything else can happen, thank goodness. He looks to Chloe and Luther and finds them hiding smiles. Connor doesn’t have a clue of where this is going, now. Why would they be hiding smiles? Chloe and Luther always had their backs, right? Unless this whole ordeal put them against him and Ritch… Damn it, he just doesn’t know and it’s making him uneasy. People are so confusing and complicated.

    The man in the suit entering the office pulls Connor from his thoughts.

    “The marshal was right,” Chloe states, now properly revealing her smile, “They both knew you were trailing them.”

    “Damn, really? You must have some serious training under your belt!” the man smiles, and all of it is overplayed. Connor wonders where the man would rather be right now. “How old did you say you were, again?”

    He never offered his age, but he decides against saying as much. “23 as of two days ago, sir.”

    “23?” the older woman says, “Both of you?”

    “Yes ma’am.” Ritch responds respectfully, if not a tad sharp.

    “And how long have you trained?” suit man asks, “Marshal Fowler said that you were in training for eleven years?”

    Connor hates this, so he doesn’t speak. He doesn’t want to accidentally screw both of them over with his fat, dumb mouth. Thankfully, Ritch doesn’t wait too long to respond and seems to have gotten out of his rebellious mood.

    “Almost, sir.”

    “That means you started training at thirteen?”

    “Just about, sir, if I remember correctly.” Ritch doesn’t like this as well. He can tell by his tone, but he doubts the other adults in the room notice anything off.

    “May I ask why we’re here?” Connor asks cautiously, but he’s ignored.

    “What kinds of things were you guys doing?” suit-man asks, sitting on the desk. He doesn’t see Marshal Fowler’s glare at the movement.

    For a long few moments, Ritch doesn’t say anything, so Connor does.

    “We were training mainly in combat and first aid–”

    “No,” the older woman interrupts, “What he means is, what did you guys do under your stepmother’s care when you weren’t training?”

    Connor can’t hold back a subtle face at the word “stepmother”, but he immediately knows that everyone still saw it. He hasn’t heard anyone besides his new friends and Ritch say that word in regards to Amanda. It just sounds… wrong coming out of anyone else’s mouth, as opposed to “trainer” or “guardian” like other adults in the past have called her.

    Ritch answers sharply, “We rested.”

    A long second goes by, then the marshal speaks. “And?”

    Another long, uncertain second, then Connor begins explaining. “I mean, we studied–”

    “Okay,” suit-man interrupts, “How often did you two get to play games, get out of the house for vacations, and do other things like that?” Connor doesn’t like how blank his face is, and that he can’t decipher what emotions he’s hiding.

    Wait… Are they trying to get dirt on Amanda? Ritch did mention that people tend to blame the parents or guardians in this type of situation. How much trouble would he get in for throwing her under the bus? For making sure he never has to go back under her care

    “We played down at the nearby park occasionally.” Connor supplies.

    “Yes, around once every other week for the first few months we lived there. In later years, though, we normally just studied our books–”

    “Because we needed to be jaeger pilots, and we wanted to make sure we were eligible to get in.”

    “You say you ‘needed’ to be jaeger pilots,” Luther starts, “Is that what you wanted, though?”

    Connor doesn’t hesitate like Ritch does, “I’ve wanted to be a jaeger pilot since people tried to make Marshal Fowler and Mr. Anderson television stars for how well they were doing in this line of work. Training has been… exceptionally hard as a whole, but I still want this more than any other job I’m eligible for that also uses the skills I’ve built up over the years.” He looks to Ritch, who is still looking to the ground with a frown and his eyebrows pushed together, “I don’t want to speak for my brother, but I refuse to go into a profession that lets my combat and first aid training go to waste.” he finishes quietly.

    Everyone just waits patiently for Ritch to answer after, surprisingly. Normally in interviews like this, they start asking simpler questions to urge one of them on (usually Connor, since he’s usually the one that gets tongue tied), but they still wait silently. It takes 17 seconds, Connor counts, and his brother’s expression never changes during that time or when he starts speaking.

    “I originally did not particularly want to be a pilot, but I started training because Connor needed me to in order to be one. I wasn’t prepared to be separated from him, but I also didn’t want to crush his dream, and I didn’t really have any aspirations beyond just wanting to help people, either, so I basically had nothing to lose. I did not like training at all from the very start, and I don’t think I like knowing that I can easily kill someone with a single punch or jab if I really wanted to.” Ritch’s face relaxes back to normal as he raises his head to face the interrogators, “But I like it here so far. The atmosphere was a bit much to adjust to at first, but now that I’m used to the schedules and the near-constant company, it’s actually becoming pleasant. And it’s just as Connor said, at this point in my life, I’d rather pilot a jaeger with someone than do any other job I’m qualified for, and I don’t want to put my years of training to waste. So after doing a bit of research, I believe that this is the best option for me.”

    “Research?” Chloe asks, “You were prepared to leave today?”

    “Always be prepared for anything so nothing catches you too far off guard.” Connor quotes Amanda as Ritch simultaneously admits, “Yes. We expected it, even.”

    After a beat of silence, the older woman moves along. “Marshal Fowler said that you two mostly trained on your own?”

    “Yes, ma’am.” the twins say together.

    Ritch elaborates, “We had instructional videos and pointers from Amanda helping us along the way–”

    “But we mostly perfected our fighting style on our own and practiced against each other so our styles would perfectly compliment each other’s–”

    “Because that’s what was going to make us more compatible and help our chances in becoming a pilot.”

    Suit-man nods, “And you are supposed to be identical twins, yes?”

    Connor sees Ritch tense up out of the corner of his eye. This is still a sensitive topic. It ends up being Luther that starts that line of questions.

    “I understand that you wear boots with a slight heel due to medical reasons, but I’ve been wondering why you have a condition that Connor does not have.”

    He knows that this is an easier question for Ritch. “I used to wear high heels and boots with heels around the orphanages and foster homes we were placed at while growing up. I first started wearing them when I was six and liked being taller than most people my age, but then never stopped once I realized it helped people separate Connor and myself apart. That’s also why I started wearing lighter clothes and cutting my hair shorter, while Connor prefers his hair longer in the front and continues to wear darker clothes despite Amanda’s displeasure with it.”

    Connor nods his agreement.

    “And the eyes? How are your eyes blue? Do you wear contacts that we haven’t been informed of?”

    Connor takes over, knowing this is a tough subject for his brother, “It’s actually close to impossible for contacts to make dark eyes appear naturally silver, so…” He pauses to take a breath and figure out how to word the next part. “There is research being done on how people can permanently make their eyes lighter in color. I don’t know why this research is being done in the first place, but he was signed up for it as a part of the ‘helping people tell us apart’ thing.” He sees the older woman about to speak, but pretends that he didn’t and presses on anyway. “We have very different personalities and extremely different levels of tolerance for different things, so Amanda, Ritch, and I wanted us to be as separated as one could be from their identical twin.”

    “He said you were signed up? Not that you signed up?” the older woman asks Ritch directly.

    “Yes, ma’am.”

    “Did you want this procedure done?” Chloe gets to the point. Everyone is staring at them more intently and it’s making Connor uncomfortable.

    “Even as a minor, I had to sign my consent in order to be operated on since it is an experimental procedure.” Ritch’s tone gives away– likely only to Connor– that he’s starting to feel uneasy as well.

    No one seems pleased with that answer, least of all the man in the suit. He’s the one who asks the next question.

    “That doesn’t answer if you actually wanted it or not. You could have signed those papers if you felt like it was the lesser of two evils.”

    Connor turns his head to fully look at Ritch, and he isn’t looking very well. His face is too stoic and his unsettling eyes (they always are to Connor at least) seem even more so now that they’re growing distant. His body’s too tense, too ready to run out of the room or fight to get out of the situation. He hasn’t seen Ritch like this in years, not since Amanda had still affected him pretty badly when she’d scold them. Connor distantly wonders if what he is feeling now is how Ritch always feels when Connor gets this way, or if he just gets annoyed like he seems to.

    He decides that Ritch probably does not feel this way about Connor episodes because his brother usually has a way to get him to snap out of it. It’s somewhat frustrating because he can’t do anything for Ritch right now, not anything that wouldn’t ultimately make his condition worse or something.

    It takes a minute of tense silence before everyone gives up, taking his silence as the answer it is. It’s almost creepy how they’re like a hive mind or something. He catches the older woman’s eye as she gets up and silently leaves the room. Suit gets up next and smiles in a way that screams “I’m ready to go home and relax but I can’t yet”.

    “Well, I think that’s enough for us for now! Thank you so much for joining us, fellas. Hopefully this is the last time we see each other under these circumstances.” he laughs, holding out a hand for Connor to shake, which he does, “I’ll let you relax a bit here and let them tell you what the verdict is.”

    He leaves, and the room is plunged into yet another silence, this time less tense. It only lasts a few moments before Ritch speaks with an unexpectedly harsh tone that has Connor blinking in shock.

    “What was that?”

    Marshal Fowler answers quickly, “That was us trying to find out if you were guilty of lying on important documents, or if Amanda was guilty of coercion and generally being an unfit guardian.” Connor notes that he doesn’t say “parent” at all. He definitely caught Connor’s face at the word earlier, then. “She was the one found guilty.”

    “Just like that?” Connor blurts with wide eyes, “She didn’t do anything illegal–”

    “Not that we know of yet,” Chloe cuts off, “She was almost found to be unfit as a single mother due to her background in training young adults for the military mixed with her overall personality and… unique view on certain things. Like how a teenager should be treated.”

    “A teenager has the presence of mind that children don’t have, so they don’t need coddling and should start learning how to care for themselves.” Ritch quotes. “It seems fair to us.” Connor nods along.

    Luther sighs, “That’s technically true, but not quite right.” Connor doesn’t hide confusion, and neither does Ritch, apparently. “Look, I’m going to be straight with you– you guys know I always try to be– we’re going to have to set you up with therapists if you want to stay here.”

    Chloe jumps in, “We have therapists for all of the pilots and plenty of the other personnel around here, so it’s not just you personally and you would have been required to get one eventually anyway. But I don’t think you two realize how unhealthy both of your minds are right now, and I’d hate for that to get in the way of your social life and potential as a jaeger pilot.”

    “I know my head is all messed up.” Connor admits softly. He sees Ritch turn his head sharply to him out of the corner of his eye., “I had to skip two days of evaluations because of a valid question some people asked me. I’m just shocked you’re allowing us to stay despite doing the two things that should get us dismissed immediately on top of the mental issues.”

    Marshal Fowler’s features soften in a way that Connor didn’t know was possible for him. “Most people in this place have some kind of mental issue, and I remember that you tried to tell me on your first day here that you had to lie on your application, so you did the next best thing when I didn’t listen.”

    “You’re making it sound like it’s your fault, sir.” Ritch points out.

    “Yeah, well, it partially is my fault, but Amanda also shouldn’t have done what she did to you two, and you should have gotten proper help instead of ranting to Han– Anderson about it.”

    Ritch’s head snaps back to Connor, obviously displeased, and Connor gets more tense than he already was because of it. He resists the urge to mess with the belt buckle loops on his pants.

    “Mr. Anderson…?”

    “He came and talked to us today. Said to keep you guys around, and he never speaks for anyone. Even before when we piloted together he normally just kept to himself, so the fact that he felt the need to even speak about this to me says something.”

    “Mr. Anderson came and talked to you? About us?” Connor asks quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

    It just doesn’t make sense. He’s only been a burden to the older pilot, so why would he actively try to keep them here? He thought Mr. Anderson would be relieved to have him gone, to have him out of his space and no longer taking things from him and complaining about things that can’t be helped or changed, or things that apparently could be changed.

    So Hank Anderson doesn’t mind his presence too much after all. If he did, he wouldn’t have particularly cared if Connor left or not, yet he felt the need to do something about the possibility of him leaving. Connor almost decides that he doesn’t know how to feel about this, but then a sudden rush of happiness bursts inside of him.

    Someone saw him at some of his lowest and most annoying points, and yet he didn’t push him away. Mr. Anderson didn’t force him out or ignore him until he got the hint and left on his own.

    “Connor.” Ritch hisses, and he has a feeling that that’s not the first time he’s been called.

    He blinks hard, “Sorry, I apologize. I just… I’m really surprised he said anything. I thought he’d be annoyed of me by now, that he’d be indifferent that I’m gone at best…” He shakes his head to clear any lingering thoughts, “Anyway, I’m sorry, but what were you saying before?”

    Marshal Fowler laces his hands together on his desk. “I was saying– between us only– keep up whatever it is you’re doing, because he’s looking less tormented recently than he has in a long time. I don’t think he’s actually tolerated someone new being at his table for so long before, either. It’s obvious you talk to him, but does he talk to you too?”

    Connor shakes his head. “Not really? I don’t really talk to him all that much either, it just sorta… happens sometimes, I guess. He asks something then I just keep going and rambling and he just doesn’t tell me to shut up. But I just– I don’t know.” he shrugs, “I just don’t think he’s as horrible and grumpy as everyone’s been trying to tell me he is. Or maybe he is and I have low standards. It’s honestly just as likely, I think.”

    “I think he’s more relaxed around you than anyone else.” Ritch adds, to his surprise. “He probably wants to protect you like some kind of puppy, but you aren’t childish or stupid like most people who need protection, so you don’t end up annoying him.” He takes a breath. “Someone should get him a dog.”

    Marshal Fowler laughs, actually laughs, with a little head shake and everything. Chloe and Luther seem just as surprised to see and hear it. Connor wonders if the dog thing was some kind of inside joke between him and Mr. Anderson at some point.

    “Hank is a definite dog lover. Good to know even that much is still obvious.” He goes back to his serious, stoic self with no evidence the joy from before, “You both start therapist-jumping in two days to find one that’s right for you, and you’ll be redoing all of your evaluations again starting tomorrow, and you better not even fucking think about lying time, ya hear? Or I’m gonna gut you like a fish and toss you into the ocean.”

    “Yes, sir!” they say together earnestly, completely unaffected by the empty threat.

    Luther nods to the door, “Go on and get out of here. You’re officially without partners now, so start seriously looking in case you graduate early.”

    “Yes, sir!” They repeat again with slight smiles, and they leave quickly.

    They have hope here after all. They don’t have to leave and be trapped in the world on their own. They can still be pilots, and it doesn’t sound like any of this is going to be blamed on them. Thank god.

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Previous <~> Masterlist <~> Next

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

A/N: Hey guys! I am so super glad to have this chapter out finally!! Now I know that the entire first half of this chapter seems pointless or redundant, but I promise that they’ll lead into actual plot stuff later. Now! I am falling asleep at my computer because I don’t know how to sleep at night apparently Lol. Thank you all so much for reading, and I hope you have a pleasant day/night!! 💕💖

#hankcon #hannor #reed900 #900reed #pacific rim!au #hank x connor #gavin x rk900 #dbh fanfiction #dbh fanfic #dbh series #dbh scenario #dbh au #hank anderson x connor #gavin reed x rk900 #hannor fanfic #reed900 fanfiction #reed900 fanfic #hankcon fanfiction #hankcon au #hankcon fanfic #hannor au #hannor fanfiction #reed900 au #The Drift Between Us #chapter 6

[addictsitter]

F, G, Q, and T

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? consistently? god, uh. i think probably kingdom hearts? but that was years back. maybe stranger things since i did get into it like, a month after s2 aired but it was a backburner fandom. wait no nm it’s descendants. cause i’ve been more or less YES DESCENDANTS GOOD a lot for the last three and a half years. so. also kind of tortall bc i get sporadically bitter about neal/kel every month or so and have since about 2007.

G: Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it? ooh okay so the first otp i remember is john sheppard/teyla emmagan from stargate atlantis and i just. never really got over them. (they’re my forever otp)

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why: oh okay this one is kinda tough but i guess the best example is probably jay/carlos and mal/evie from descendants? like, i have nothing against the ships themselves and there’s plenty of material there. BUT. the fandom, rachel. i hate. the descendants fandom. so goddamn much. because they’re really obnoxious (never 4get the j*ylos stans who called d3 the straightest of the movies despite jay/gil being as close to canon as we were gonna get for a descendants movie just bc carlos was still with jane. also all the j*ylos stans who complained about them ~no homo’ing~ j*ylos in d2 because carlos liked jane and jay and carlos’s friendship got less focus while completely ignoring the harry/gil kiss that was scripted, filmed and then cut!!!)

(”alec are you still bitter about d2″ I AM ALWAYS BITTER ABOUT D2)

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

ahem. excuse me. [retrieves stack of paper] we’re going to go alphabetically by fandom. and by alphabetically by fandom, i mean you’re getting some highlights.

under a cut for length

battlestar galactica: hello yes have i talked about kara thrace being a lesbian yet? no? so kara thrace is a lesbian and lee adama is a trans lesbian and they are happy and in love. thank you, have a nice day.

being human: s3 established that annie feels things that people feel when she touches them which leads me to the headcanon that mitchell, nina and george made all her old favorite foods for, like, an entire week and ate them so she could enjoy them again, along with other things. (we do not discuss the plot that involved that part i don’t acknowledge 98% of s3 for a reason.)

descendants: uma’s mother is ursula, this is canon, but i fully headcanon that her father is a deity of some flavor and she, like mal, is a full on demigoddess. aside from that, i also will live and die by the idea that ben can go beast without audrey’s magic being involved. also carlos is non-binary, evie’s a trans girl, harry is the definition of chaotic bi and non-binary and gil’s a trans boy.

elementary: i. i have so many. where do i start. um. easiest is this: during the time skip in the finale while joan underwent chemo, kitty came back to new york and archie and arthur spent, like, all their time together while sherlock and kitty traded off watching the kids. also: joanlockbell ot3 or bust.

the get down: shao got the fuck away from annie and got a happy ending and met zeke again at some point and they lived happily ever after. also DIZZEE IS TOTALLY FINE.

gilmore girls: finale what finale. revival what revival. logan and rory are happily married and working on their careers and EVERYONE IS GOOD AND NOBODY IS PREGNANT.

gossip girl: dan’s not gossip girl what the fuck show. trans girl jenny or bust. also trans girl blair.

harry potter: [insert requisite dean/seamus and sirius/remus comment here] also harry became a goddamn teacher fuck that auror shit that boy needs to get away from more fighting goddamn. also someone please get him into therapy. please.

high school musical: listen chad danforth is a trans girl and people can come fight me. also requisite chad/ryan comment here.

izombie: post-s3 did not happen, ravi is either immune or a zombie and he and liv are happily together and clive is regularly grossed out by them as a couple. major goes back to being a social worker, as he fucking should have.

i had a kingdom hearts thing here but tbh i just. have so many emotions that i can’t even touch it 

leverage: listen. listen. eliot absolutely worked for the stargate program and nobody can ever convince me otherwise. it was supposed to happen and they couldn’t manage it so i’m declaring it my canon. also hardison may or may not have learned his hacking skills from his nana.

i. had magicians headcanons and i still have magicians headcanons and one of them is genderfluid quentin and that is literally the only one i can think of without crying right now.

one piece: aro/ace lawlu or bust. genderfluid sanji or bust. lesbian nami or bust. also. my asshole babes aka cp9 aka now at least partially in cp0 are not, in fact, back working for the government inexplicably but are instead working undercover in cp0 for the revolutionary army. also mishanks was a thing bye

pacific rim: gender gets really fucking weird in the drift. nobody’s cis.

shadowhunters: hi yes do you have a moment to hear about jacemaia and how they are actually friends and spend time together and help each other with trauma and like each other

stranger things: BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE steve and robin are bi/lesbian solidarity and any job they have in a non-80s small town setting involves robin roasting the fuck out of steve for failing with people of every gender. also elmax.

tortall. TORTALL. okay so. alanna is non-binary of some flavor idk what. alanna is with george and they both might also be with jon who’s publicly married to thayet who’s really married to buri who’s publicly married to raoul for ~appearances~ who’s actually w/ gary and maybe jon if he’s not being a dick that day. also. kel is married to neal and yuki and they all live together at new hope and all absolutely suck at hiding that fact and everyone at new hope just, like, conveniently ignores it. also i have A Lot of neal/kel feelings and headcanons but those would take me twelve hours, three powerpoints, a fifth of whiskey and yelling directly at tamora pierce to get through.

uhhh i think that’s it? maybe? possibly? i can’t think of anything else that i want to talk about at this point? i’ll stop now, at least.

#memeage #lesbianmaxevans #and ye shall receive

[moonfireflight]

“sweet and pure asks”

I was tagged by @flowersofsakura

Original one made by @bwabies

🐰- do you believe in soul mates?

Yes!

💌- diary or journal?

I sometimes journal on another site but it’s all private. 

✨- which fictional character (book, show, or movie) do you relate to most?

Before the Homestuck epilogues I would have said Jane Crocker but fuck that. Uuuhhh I haven’t really found a character that makes me go “it’s me!” I probably shouldn’t say Toko Fukawa huh? 

💕- are you crushing on someone?

No one 3D. 

💋- kissing in the dark or kissing in the rain?

Kissing in the rain. 

🐝- describe your aesthetic in emojis

Oh I’ll edit and do this later on mobile. If I forget it’s autumn stuff, cats, and books. 

(Leaving that because it was amusing)

📚😻👀🐉🌿🍁🍂🍃🌠🍵🍯

🍼- what is your favorite memory?

My first kiss with my guy. We had been crushing on each other for 2 years and not realizing it was mutual. 

🌸- what is your favorite flower?

Night Sky Petunias. 

💖- have you ever been in love?

Yes!

🍰- strawberry or vanilla?

Strawberry!

🍯- describe your favorite smell

Rainy evenings here in the desert with a hint of sage or pine on the wind. 

🎂- if you had 3 wishes, what would they be?

Enough money to take care of my friends who are in abusive situations. A magical car that can never break down. -mumble mumble Saeyoung mumble-

🍪- cookie dough or cookies?

Cookies. I like the cronch. 

☕- coffee or tea?

Tea. I love tea so much. My cabinet is a deathtrap of tea boxes. 

🍃- would you rather live in a sea with mermaids or a forest with fairies?

Forest. My therapy calm place is a forest with faeries. 

🍂- what’s your middle name?

Beth

💫- what is your sun, moon, and rising sign?

Sun : Gemini, Moon : Leo, Rising sign : Sagittarius 

🌧️- favorite thing to do on rainy days?

Curl up in bed with tea and my phone, listening to rain on the skylight. 

🍭- how tall are you?

5′6″ 

💒- which show would you want to live in?

Uuuh huurr I can’t think of a good one but some show’s world where I can learn magic and there’s monsters. Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Lol. God, I don’t watch much TV.  Maybe FMA because I’m also moderately obsessed with alchemy. 

🎄- what is your favorite holiday?

Halloween, no doubt. 

🍦- what scented candle is your favorite?

I had some kind of musky vanilla thing with a hint of spice that I loved. Also I have one with a wooden wick and it smells like a campfire 

🎶- favorite song right now?

Hmm I’ve been wanting to finally check out all the hype on Kpop and Spotify gave me “Gotta Go” by CHUNG HA and it’s so damn good??? 

💘- 3 ways to win your heart?

Being kind to animals (especially if my pets instantly love/trust you). Making me laugh. Food and/or headpats. 

🍩- current mood?

Glad my weekend started. 

❄️- what is your favorite season?

Autumn! I feel so much more alive then and the air feels like it crackles with magic. 

💍- your current relationship status?

Taken. I’ve been with my guy for 15 years. 

📷- a photo of yourself

Nope. Just imagine I’m a chunky curvy girl with dyed red hair and glasses kinda like Saeyoung’s (same shape/color but more of a tortoise shell pattern than stripes). 

🎀- any question you want

I like cake more than pie. 

💅🏻- do you like being spoiled?

That would be so nice. 

🕊️- 3 habits you have?

Obsessively checking social media for no real reason. I guess I don’t want to miss out on nice art and randomness. As soon as I get home I ditch my shoes and change to PJ pants. I have some minor OCD issues like picking at chin hairs. 

🦄- how do you perceive yourself?

An anxious bean, creative-minded, pretty smart. 

🦋- how do you think others perceive you?

A normal person, and a lot softer than I am. Literal “don’t say that in front of her virgin ears” jokes have been made about me as an adult. Helpful. Smarter than I really am because I’m good at researching, though I will admit that is a valid skill. 

🌈- things I find attractive in girls /guys

Sense of humor, intelligence, somewhat philosophical, glasses, nice hands. 

🍓- one secret about yourself

I mean, writing smut is my “big secret”. How about... I believe in magic and spirits and such and have spent a lot of time in my life studying topics like this. 

🍒- how do you act when you have a crush?

Blushing and giddy. Everything makes me blush even when I’m not crushing so I’m a freaking disaster. I do have some minor tsundere tendencies when crushing, mostly out of defense to cover the embarrassed dolt mode. 

💔- the reason behind your last breakup?

He was taking me for granted and hurting my self esteem, and I found out that my crush of two years was crushing back. 

💬- what your last text message says?

"Condensed princesses xD”  (wow, lucked into a really weird one there, huh?)

🎥- what show are you currently binging on?

Just finished BNHA. Gave up on “You” (I thought it was going to be good yandere content but I hate everyone in it). Gotta finish either RWBY or Voltron with @turbopuppy (CONSIDER YOURSELF TAGGED ON THIS MEME). Kinda half watching The Dragon Prince. So, technically, nothing. 

⛅- what is your morning routine?

Stay in bed until the last possible second. Feed my cat and give her insulin. Dress and brush hair and grab a Belvita breakfast cookie on the way out the door. I recently decided to try out bangs so now I have to wrangle those bastards into cooperation somewhere in there. 

💗- who do you miss?

The friend who got made my guy and I realized our mutual affection. She did an awesome job of meddling. She moved away and we drifted apart. 

🥀- last time you cried?

Sometime last week when writing fanfic or reading it  - I don’t remember which. Saeyoung feels happened. 

🎁- when is your birthday?

Early June (soon!!!). 

🔪- scariest/creepiest experience?

My boyfriend and I were driving back home from a vacation and decided to take a shortcut through a place called “Devil’s Pass” at night because we are idiots, apparently. It passed by a few ghost towns, but was mostly a forested road. We both saw some very odd things, like a skinned bunny with a round mouth of sawblade-like teeth, and humanoid shapes. Not cool. Also about a decade ago I had a coworker find out my friend and I believed in ghosts and such. He was renovating a building to become a B&B and had a feeling the place was haunted. We went together and picked up recordings of voices with our phones, and felt some really odd stuff there. I found this one patch of normal looking flat ground that made me feel like I was being sucked into a bottomless pit. The guy who bought the place pulled up some old info and it turned out there was a well buried in that spot.  

💤- date someone younger, older, or same age as you?

No preference. 

I don’t like tagging people because I have a bad memory and get anxious picking people over others. I love you all. If you do this, tag me :3

#ask meme #moonie speaks