#i made myself saddddd

[books-4-life9]

So I was rereading TMR and I noticed this

So, in the scene where Ben is exiled, (pages 92-95, The Maze Runner) he begs Alby to not. Alby ignores this, exiling (and in turn sentencing him to death) him anyway. Alby dies in that book.

In the scene with Newt,(pages 247-250, The Death Cure) he begs Thomas ‘please, Tommy, please’. Thomas doesn’t ignore this, and does what he’s asking. Thomas survives till the end.

Now, I’m probably grasping at straws here, but just look at the parallels!! Ben was begging not to die, to be given a second chance. Newt was begging to die, for his suffering to end. Alby takes no heed to Ben’s pleas or explanation, and and kills him anyway.

Thomas, while not wanting to kill Newt, does it, because he knows Newt doesn’t want to keep on going, and so he complies to his wishes, even though it hurts him.

Alby died in the first book, not long after he killed Ben despite his wishes. Thomas doesn’t get killed in the series at all, and even though he killed Newt, it was because of Newt’s wishes and it physically and mentally pained him to do it.

#I made myself cry while writing this #this probably doesn’t mean anything I was sorta making a theory based on 6 words #the maze runner #newtmas #maze runner #newt maze runner #thomas maze runner #saddddd #tmr alby #tmr thomas #newt tmr #tmr newt #Ben maze runner #the death cure #the scorch trials #exile #grieves #fan theory #theory #thomas brodie sangster #dylan o'brien #so sad #sorry for being depressing #movies #books and reading #ummmm #trying to get 30 tags #what else do i tag #helpppp #will poulter

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[pepprs]

STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

#purrs #also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so #FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished #their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask #for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and #annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t #matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so #many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and #imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh #delete later #(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff) #also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info #on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im #doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when #i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the #ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be #reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that #(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them #bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them #out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol) #* ​and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol

[strniohoeee]

Hidden In The Shadows Pt. 4(Final Chapter)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Waking up dazed and confused, Y/N is taken by surprise when certain events seem to take place. Unsure of how to feel Y/N battles with the decisions of staying or leaving for good

Warnings⚠️: SADDDDD NGL😭, but like not really but also IDK??? I wasn’t sure how to end this installment, but I know I didn’t want to make it some fairytale type shit LMAOOO

Songs for imagine: Blue Moon- Elvis Presley, Bang Bang(My Baby Shot Me Down)- Nancy Sinatra

Tags: @lacysturniolo @gamermattsgf @nicksmainbitch @s7urnfilms @sturnssmuts @vickyzloserz @mayhem-72 @sturn3g1rl @mattsturniolowifey

Blue Moon

You knew just what I was there for

You heard me saying a prayer for

Someone I really could care for

If my mother could see the position I was currently in she’d be so ashamed….disappointed even. She’s always taught me stranger danger and leave it to her daughter to sleep with the stranger and the danger….

I can’t remember much, but I can remember the emptiness….the cold darkness of my mind. My physical body slumps somewhere while my conscious fights to wake me up.

Who knows what’s going on in the real world right now. I could be tied to a pole and slow roasting like a pig, or maybe even locked in someone’s dungeon. Or what if this is all some crazy bad dream and I’m actually back home in my comfortable bed….

My thoughts were slowly coming to a halt as my eyes began to open slowly. Squinting at the sensitivity they were facing I groaned and cleared my throat. The throbbing in my head and the burning of my nose leads me to believe Matt used an awful lot of chloroform to knock me out. He’s lucky he didn’t kill because I’d haunt his ass.

Opening my eyes fully I realized I was tied to a chair in a basement? Oh actually my basement? Looking around I realized I was in the same place I was when Matt caught me.

I began to move against the ropes, pulling and yanking as I groaned in anger.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” I heard from behind me, causing me to stop and jump

“Who’s there” I asked trying to look over my shoulders

“Why’d you have to be so nosy? Making everything so complicated” I heard him say

“You fucking psycho….Matt let me fucking go” I said pulling harder against the ropes

“You see I just can’t do that” he replied to me walking from behind me

“You fucking weirdo….oh god….oh my god I had sex with a fucking psycho… please just kill me that would be less embarrassing” I say shaking my head and tapping my feet on the ground

Coming from behind me Matt stands in front of me. Except he doesn’t look angry…. He looked concerned and scared. Which made me a bit scared and anxious

“What are you doing?” I yelled at him yanking myself around

“sit still” he said in a firm whisper

“Fuck off” I said in annoyance to him

Grabbing my face to have me look at him I attempted to yank away.

“GET OFF OF ME” I yelled at him trying to bite him

“STOP IT AND LOOK AT ME” he says with wide eyes

Letting go of me he steps back. Looking over his shoulder he turns back to me. Placing his pointer finger over his mouth he motions for me to stay quiet and then with the same finger points behind himself and then points to his ear.

“Listen here darling you’re going to do as I say” he says sternly and loudly

Digging in his back pocket he takes out a piece of paper, unraveling it he faces it to me so I can read.

They’ve been on you this whole time and they used me to get to you. At first I was going to do it, but I like you too much. They’ve been in your house multiple times and have found all the information you have on this town. I’m so sorry for who I am and what my family has done; but I don’t want to hurt you. They are having me watch you while they put all your stuff in your car. They’re planning to kill you and make it seem like it was an accident. However I won’t let that happen. I’m going to get you out of here and I have a plan! But they don’t fully trust me and are listening to me and watching my every move. So please just do as I say. I’m sorry.

After reading the note a tear slipped down my face and I looked up at Matt. His eyes softened and his lip trembled, swallowing thickly he nodded his head. Folding the paper back up he put it in his back pocket.

“You will listen to me and me only! Make any stupid moves and I will kill you myself” he says loudly with a sincere look

“Go to hell” I spat at him

Listening above he heard the two men walk away from the basement door. Ushering over to me quickly he got down and began to whisper

“Okay so here’s the plan. There is only one way out and only one chance to get this right so please do as I say. They’re loading up your car and they’re planning on having me drive you to a secluded area a little outside of this town. They want me to set your car on fire” he says shaking his head and looking down

“What?” I say shocked and beginning to panic

“My getaway car was planted in the area and they will be checking tonight to see that your car is completely burnt. However it won’t be there because you’ll be on your way back to Vegas. You’ll be out of their hair which will give you time to leave Vegas” he says grabbing my hand

“But what about you Matt? They’ll kill you….” I say as my voice shakes

“Exactly” he says nodding his head

“No….no you can’t do that! Come with me” I say to him looking at him in the eyes

“I can’t…they’ll catch up before we leave and we’ll both be dead instantly. Suzie and I tried it when we were 14. Thought we could leave and be young lovers together. They shot her dead in front of me… told me I’d be next if I ever stepped out of line again. You remind me so much of her I can’t see that happen again” he replied wiping tears from his eyes

“Matthew no…. I can’t leave you to die” I say sobbing

“Maybe it’s been my destiny all along” he says to me

“Maybe you can escape right before they come looking for my car. You’d get a good head start on them! Meet me in Vegas. We can run away together” I say nodding my head and licking my tear stained lips

He chuckled lightly and shook his head, opting not to answer as he stood up.

“I need you to walk outside with me when it’s time. Pretend to mouth me off, kick, scream holler! I’ll stuff you in the car and we’ll be on our way” He says to me

“Okay yeah yeah” I respond nodding my head

“But for now we wait” he states, backing up and leaning against the pole.

About thirty minutes passed before we heard anything. Barely mumbling a few words to each other. My throat had run dry from the anxiety. The fact that I could die if one thing goes wrong but mainly the fact that the last moments I’ll be sharing with Matt is him helping me escape my death that will then become his death….. my heart couldn’t take letting him die

He was destined for more. The way his eyes would light up anytime he asked me about what Vegas is like or what any other place I’ve ever visited was like. What stuck with me the most was the way his face would change when he’d realized the life he was living and what he’d have to go back to. The twinkle always disappearing. It made my heart heavy.

I wouldn’t let him die. It’s not happening and I don’t care what I have to do to prevent it. He’s had such a painful life and he’s going to honor it by dying….

My thoughts were interrupted by Matt, my eyes slowly shifting from the basement window over to his face.

“They called us up, I’m going to grab you by the back of your head and I need to just start lashing out immediately, got it?” He asked me

“Got it” I said to him

Quickly helping me out of the rope that held me to the chair he grabbed the back of my head as my arms were tied behind my back.

Gripping my hair harder I knew it was time to give it my all. Taking a shaky breath I began to yell

“LET GO OF ME, YOU AND THIS TOWN A BUNCH OF CRAZIES” I yelled as I thrashed against his grip

“Quit it” he yelled back as he pulled me up the stairs with him

“You think you can get rid of me huh? MY WHOLE FAMILY WILL COME HERE LOOKING FOR YOU” I said firmly

“LET GO LET GOOO” I kept yelling as I pulled against him, tears streaming down my face

He walked us towards the front door and that’s where Beaufort stopped us.

“Such a fiery little lady! I knew from the moment you called you’d be a problem. But one thing about me is I make my problems go away” he says sucking his tobacco and grinning at me

“You won’t get away with this you sick son of a bitch” I spat at him

“Watch me” he said smiling and opening the front door for me

“NOOO STOP NO PLEASEEE” I yelled as I kicked and thrashed against Matt. My legs swinging as I tried to “escape” his grip

“Should’ve stood in your home town. So sad you’ll be having a little accident” Beaufort says to me as he steps onto my porch

“I’ll kill you all just you watch” I yelled as Matt shoved me into the back seats as I continued to kick and hit things

Beaufort smiled an evil smile as he waved goodbye. Matt hopped in the front seat as we began to back out of my gravel driveway.

Driving down the road Matt looked in his rear view mirror before looking at me

“Okay we’re in the clear” he says to me

Sitting up I looked at him opening my mouth to talk but stopping once I saw him shaking his head no at me.

“You can’t get me to change my mind” he says

“Matt this is not okay. I basically just signed your death wish” I said to him

“And I told you maybe it’s what’s best for me” he replied shrugging his shoulder

“Okay and maybe it isn’t! Maybe it isn’t” I said sternly to him as I began to lose my patience

“Matt we’ve had such an amazing connection this past month, a connection I’ve never had with anyone else before and you can’t just leave me” I said pleading with him

“Don’t you get it? I can’t have them coming after you. I care for you lot sweetheart and if I had to live with another love of mine being hurt I couldn’t live with myself.” He replied gripping the steering wheel harder

I huffedd out a breath of annoyance and sat back in the seat, letting a few tears fall from my face. This is pure insanity! I couldn’t live with myself if Matt got hurt or even killed. I felt confused, one hand I’d be safe but on the other hand Matt would potentially be….. dead.

I hadn’t even realized how long I was in thought until the car came to a halt and I heard Matt put the car in park.

Hopping out of the car I followed suit

“Take the car and run like hell outta here darlin” he said handing the keys to me

“Please come with” I begged as I chewed my bottom lip

“I can’t little lady” he responded shaking his head and wiping his nose

“Ditch your getaway car and come with me burn your car and let’s go, we can run like hell out of here together” I said gripping onto his arms

“I can’t, I have to go back” he says looking me in my eyes

“Can you at least attempt to leave town? Maybe tonight before they come looking for my car, leave before them” I said basically begging

“I can try, but I can’t make any promises darlin” he states swallowing thickly

“Please Matt…. For me” I say wiping my eyes

“The best I can do is try, this is for you. Whether I make it out alive or not just know I want you to be safe and I will always be with you” he says to me pulling me in for a hug

“I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done” he says to me as he pulls away

“I’m going to miss you” I say to him

“I’m still here” he says smiling at me

I shook my head and hugged him once again

“I better head on back” he says pulling away

Turning on his heels he walks over to his car as I follow behind. Hopping in his car he rolls down his window as I lean on it.

“Now darlin you have to promise me that you’ll listen and you’ll get out of here. Don’t try and save me” he says smiling as he bats tears from his eyes

“I promise” I responded in a whisper

“And you have to promise to never forget about me” I told him as I smiled

“I could never! I swear I’ll try and contact you if I can pretty girl” he says back as he nods his head

“Thank you Matt for getting me out of here” I say one last time

Looking into his eyes I lean over and plant my lips on his. The kiss was needy and sad. It was a goodbye kiss…. A goodbye that meant forever. There was no see you later with Matt….

We hugged and shared one last final kiss. Parting ways I got in my car and we both drove off. I was numb the whole way home. I mean how does one process all of this? My life felt so unreal?

There were many hours of crying, sitting in silence and contemplations of turning back around. I just felt so confused, I didn’t want to leave Matt and I also didn’t want to die…. I didn’t have many options

Arriving home was the most bittersweet moment. I couldn’t really tell anyone what I really went through. What that town and what those people are truly like

I spent many days in and out of therapy really trying to understand what happened to me and how to process it. What really ate at me was the fear of being found, the fear of dying and especially the fear of never seeing Matt again.

One year later

If I knew that that day I hugged and kissed Matt goodbye would be the last time I’d ever see him, I’d hold on tighter. When I finally realized Matt wasn’t coming back it hurt bad… I mean I’d hid away blaming myself for all of this.

Wondering well maybe I didn’t push hard enough because if I did he would’ve caved and came with me. Not knowing if he was dead or alive really ate at my soul. Many days went by where I wanted to call his landline, but that would be a one way ticket to my grave.

It was hard moving. After experiencing something so intense with someone and needing them by your side to never seeing them again will always sting the most.

I was angry because I felt he didn’t try hard enough. Because if he did then he’d be here right now. And then that was filled with sadness and worry. I wasn’t sure if he was okay and I had to live with the fact that I would never know.

It’s so crazy how you’ll be living your life one way and then it flips upside down so randomly.

As I finished typing my chapter on my computer I let out a sigh. Writing a book about what I went through and losing Matt was the only way I could seem to cope.

It was actually Professor Wayne who convinced me to write this. He was actually helping me a lot through all this and he truly saw how it changed me. But everytime he saw the excitement in my eyes once I finished a chapter he knew it was genuinely helping me mentally.

Pressing save I closed my laptop and looked out my window. The rain is pattering against the glass. Such a bittersweet feeling. A year ago today I was about to sleep with my weird neighbor and friend and now I’m here in my empty apartment staring out the glass and reminiscing.

It’s still an open wound that I’m working on daily to stitch close. No one prepares you for traumatic events, especially ones that chemically alter your brain. I watched the rain trickle down the warm glass as I blink slowly. Racking my brain for answers…. I mean hell I’m just looking for one simple answer

I just want to know is Matt truly dead, or is he just

Hidden in the shadows….

The End

Yallll I hope you enjoyed the finale cause I hated it🤭 this is why I don’t write series because I’m so shit at ending things. But anywho I hope you liked it and I can’t wait to write some more for yall 🥹🖤

-J💅🏽

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets imagines #matt sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo imagines #matt sturniolo imagines #matthew sturniolo x reader #Spotify

[doggirl08-moved]

i’m home! today was…awesome! i started out super sad since someone pointed out a bad thing and i just worked on a malcey drawing while i was saddddd :(…after that i went to third block and my friend malachi nerd turned cool guy i said u should sit with me… since i hate sitting alone i thought he was going to decline but he happily sat with me and was super sweet and complimented me!!! i was so happy and he said i look social!!! when we came back from lunch i was so stressed when we did partner work ( me and him ) cuz the numbers weren’t going in my head i was so sad and i felt dumb and slow and everything was wrong but he was so sweet and reassured me i’m smart and it’s ok i finished the worksheet in time but i apologized for the way i acted and how stressed i was he told me i’m smart and i should beat up who ever said i was slow and awkward that made me happy but i still felt bad! i wanted to explode walking into 4th block and even did a small lap to calm myself and my friend keely is on crutches now uh oh and it’s picture day uh oh and i don’t have a charger and my chromebook is dead uh ohhhhhh!!!!! i was so mad and sad and stressed but i somehow got my work done using keelys but now it’s picture time i wore my grey lazy sweatshirt today and took my braids out of my hair revealing my wavy hair as i asked keely nicely if i could use her makeup while we were waking i did my makeup for the first time with no help with no mirror!!!!!! and some lip gloss ;3 i somehow didn’t stab my eye out and keely said i looked amazing i felt so proud then crazy stuff happens the lady at the photo thing said i looked super cute and i was soooo happy everyone was so nice to me today! i went back to class slowly with keely and i gave her all my water in return of makeup products!!! she was grateful and we talked more she kept saying sorry for interrupting me and i was like lol u didn’t i don’t care :) <3 and i was so happy!! i left without wearing my jacket rare ( i don’t like my arms ) and i got home early abbey noticed my makeup and said it looked super good and i did it with no mirror i’m a pro!! she said from far away i look like i’m wearing eyeliner i went to the bathroom mirror to see how i looked and i am happy i did look good i was so happpyyyy!!! and tonight i’ll be doing homework ( prob not i like to do it at school >:/ ) and drawing yayyyyy!!! i’m so happy!

#diary

[memorantia]

Yeah 😂👌💯

I dont know why im posting this here for God's sake I know this won't help, if anything it'll make things worse, but I have no sense of self. I hate myself, I constantly screw myself, I'm never going to know what love is like because I cant figure out how to be a fucking person. I have people in my life who care about me, but (pretty much) none of them can love me because I'm rotten hatefilled person who after being released from their own delusions of adequacy (the brief window of time where I display the few decent traits burried somewhere deep deep down) spirals into horseshit that most people just don't seem to display. I dont know whats wrong with me, I want to die but I'm too selfish to. I want so desperately to cling to life, to prove everyone looking at me and thinking about how worthless I am wrong, but I can't accept that no one cares. That this, like every other tear stained note whining about how I'm just ooooohhhh sooooo saddddd and missunderstoooood is just a plea for sanity falling on deaf ears. My own stupid fucking deaf ears. I can't escape my own horrific judgmental thoughts, I cant make a single decision without scrutinizing it endlessly. For instance, I'm doing that as I write this! I'm thinking about everyone who will see this, skim through it and think "oh that sucks get well soon", "god I dont have time for this", "who even is this", etc. And I'm thinking about the countless people who will never see this, who never think about me, who will never know I even exist. I want so badly to be more than a waste of space. Even most of my friends can barely put a finger on what is good about me. THATS BECAUSE THERES NOTHING TO PUT A FUCKING FINGER ON. Every decision I make is motivated by an invisible audience, unless you know me really fucking well, then you do get to see some honest choices of mine because I somehow have faith in myself with you. Hi, B, J, A. I love you all and I'm sorry if you see this neurotic escaped diary entry. Anyway, I have no good traits because I spend more time fantasizing about a world where I'm worth living than actually working on giving people a reason to care about me. Or accepting that people wont care about me even if I do all that, and that I need to care about myself so I have peace in just existing. But I dont even know what that's like. I can't picture just being, acting without performing. I don't want to be a character anymore, I'm so sick of the loneliness of disconnection and dishonesty. I just want to know what love and stability is like. I'm stuck in this stupid fucking chicken egg situation. Because I had a fucked up relationship with love from day one, I can't find myself worthy of love. Because I can't find myself worthy of love, I perpetuate that relationship. I just want to appreciate myself, and have that be enough. But because my own judgement is useless, even if I loved myself it wouldn't matter. But if I loved myself, wouldn't that judgement then have worth? I dont know and i cant picture a future where i do. It's easier to picture myself dead with a needle in my arm in the next four years than it is to picture myself content, moving on with life. And maybe that's how it's really meant to be. Maybe my efforts are in vain not because of self sabotage, but because God made me in a fit of creative silliness as a human embodiment of futility. Maybe I'm just an unknown cautionary tale to scare people with functioning brains out of destroying themselves. Or maybe I thought all that up because it's more entertaining than the truth of the matter. Who knows? Who cares? I sure as hell fucking do. Why else would i be posting this?

#fuck me i guess #im sorry if you read this #if not #who cares

[sunnymiles]

angstpril day 7

hello!! i did not rewatch siege of mandalore for this fic, so there may be some error from canon (besides the obvious). but this one got very dark so please heed the warnings!!

-

prompt: "friendly fire."

[summary: rex and ahsoka during order 66. things go differently.]

tw: major character death

tw: suicide

-

"Rex?"

She whips around searching for the enemy, for Maul, but there is nothing. Just the still silence of the bridge.

Ahsoka turns back to her friend, but his blasters are still pointed-

at her.

"Rexter what are you doing?"

Her hand hovers over the hilt of her saber.

Reluctance pools in her gut, warring with the steel in her spine. She does not want to hurt him, but everything is going wrong. A lack of wariness will get her killed.

"The chips, Ahsoka, you have to fi-find Fives."

Her eyes widen with incredulity. "Fives?"

Rex's head shakes frantically, his body spasming in an effort for control.

He's fighting it. Rex, stubborn Rex, is resisting. She just needs to give him time.

The thought buoys her spirits, alleviating some of the tension in her shoulders. Whatever this is, they can get through it, they've gotten this far.

They'll be okay.

She turns to make her exit, mind already cataloguing what she knows of Fives and the circumstances surrounding his death.

Everything happens so quickly.

Something knocks against the wall, hard and abrasive. Other troopers yelling to be let in.

Her hesitant glance to the door is the chance Rex needs.

"Soka"-

That's the only warning his traitorous mind will supply. Rex fires twice, in succession.

She dodges the first, but-

The second strikes true.

-

CT- 7567 glances down at the body. The odd angle of her splayed limbs.

A bright, wide-eyed padawan taps him on the shoulder. "What's Master Skywalker's deal?", He snorts, knowing instantly they're going to get along.

Glassy blue eyes stare fixedly at the ceiling. The light that was Ahsoka, now extinguished.

Something inside him screams.

Good soldiers, follow orders

He raises the blaster.

Ahsoka silhouetted in the doorway, "It's nothing personal. I just need to work through some things. On my own." Her hands pick at her tunic, so uncharacteristically nervous. He's gripping her with a fierce hug, already making promises, "You'll always have a place here, vod'ika."

The cool metal on his temple is a perfect reflection for the apathy now swirling in him.

He needs to feel something. This is wrong. She was never supposed to end up like this. Ahsoka deserved a life, warmth, love.

The yelling in his head and the yelling of his heart are at war.

He isn't a good soldier-

Good soldiers, follow orders-

He's just killed his best friend.

She was a Jedi-

The Jedi are traitors-

No!

With the last part of himself that is still Rex, he pulls the trigger.

-

CT- 5597 finds his commander and the Jedi lying side by side, twin blaster wounds permanently etched into their skulls. United, even in death.

#tw: suicide #tw: major character death #angstpril 2021 #day 7 #prompt- friendly fire #captain rex #ahsoka tano #order 66 #i made myself saddddd #my fic

[offices-regionalbranch]

Oh my fucking GOD WE GET IT!!! YOU FUCKING WATCHED COME AND SEE!!! WE KNOW!!! YOU WANT ME TO BLOW YOU BIG GUY? YOU WANT ME TO SUCK YOU OFF CAUSE YOU MADE IT THROUGH A DEPRESSING MOVIE ABOUT WAR AND DEATH AND HEARTBREAK WITH AN ERECTION AND A SMILE BECAUSE "oh I can't wait to put my review on letterboxd! All the other film fanatics like myself will know how cool and awesome I am!". IS THAT WHAT YOU FUCKIN WANT. YOU! ARE! FUCKING! INSUFFERABLE! ALL YOU FUCKING DO IS WAIT FOR SOME COKED OUT WHITE GIRL AT A PARTY TO GO "oh my god remember Charlotte's Web‽ That movie was soooooo saddddd!" SO YOU CAN RUIN EVERYONES MOOD BY BEING LIKE "oh well actually I've seen the most fucked up and sad movie ever and it will break you because you're weak and I'm strong and cool"

YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK, NONE OF YOUR FRIENDS LIKE YOU, WHEN YOU LEAVE THEY ALL SIGH IN RELIEF AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE TO HEAR YOU TALK ABOUT TARANTINO AND FRENCH NOIR AND SALÓ AND ON AND FUCKING ON AND ALL ABOUT ALL THE THINGS EVERYONE ELSE IS TOO STUPID TO KNOW

I bet you wait eagerly for a massacre to happen. You can be the next arteur! You can use the footage to create a more fucked up movie oh wouldn't it be fucking wonderful!!!

[belshka]

Complex // JJK (1)

January 16 2019

(y/n)’s POV

The clock strikes 7:00 PM. The soundcheck raffle announcement will be out soon. Why am I so excited? I must have saved the entire planet in my previous life if I got the soundcheck pass. Who am I kidding, the chance is 1 out of what, 35000? This is insane. No, this is madness. This is BTS.

It pops! The announcement post is here! My hands are cold. I saw my section, and.

And my ticket number.

My ticket number.

Should I scream? Shout? Faint? No, I take a seat on my couch. Just sit there, for 5 minutes straight, before I am able to call my friend, to break the news.

January 19 2019

This is it.

I walk into the venue, I can see the stage, and the Love Yourself World Tour banner. This is so unreal. This is massive. In just a matter of minutes I will finally see them! My heart hurts, my stomach hurts, my head hurts, yet I’m numb?

Fuck! I can hear Namjoon says hello from the stage followed by all the screams. As they walk to the extended stage where most of the soundcheck will be, I can’t help but to be mesmerized by every one of them. They’re legit god. Any arguments are invalid. I don’t know how long I’ve been zoning out until a hand shakes my shoulder from behind. “Hey are you okay? Do you need water? The security have water, I can ask for you?” Says a girl behind me. “Oh! Yes yes I’m totally fine, thanks though!” I smile back at her and bring my eyes back to the stage. Have I told you how good Jimin looks? Cause boy he looks so damn good, I actually forgot that my baby is Jungkook. They’re all my babies don’t get me wrong, even when I’m younger than the youngest but they’re still my babies. It’s been all fun and crazy how I’m able to see them like this, without make up, without the fancy clothes (although their casual clothes are still fancy). Until I notice HIM. Jungkook, with his huge ass camera, right in my direction. I -

Wait, why there is a sound of bell ringing? Am I being delusional?

Wow, I think Jungkook’s camera caught my confused and shooked face. I surely will be a meme in the BTS group chat. I try to push the weird feelings aside. You see this is weird, there is no such thing as soulmate bells or red string stuffs, or matching tattoos. I have been reading too much of fan fiction this is driving me crazy. The soundcheck ends and we are all being ushered to get back to our actual queue for the actual concert. I am so so speechless because come on, I just saw BTS! And probably gotta end up being a meme in their group chat. As I walk to find my friends, all I can think of is to call my sister, she’s also queueing but kinda far from me and my friends. “Hello?” “Oh my god, hahaha the stage is super super huge, and fuck!!! They are all so hot, sis omg, this is so unreal, I cant even believe my own eyes!” (I can’t believe my ears either) “Hahaha you had fun?” “Yes! Of course, where are you? Queuing already?” “Yup” “Okay then, I’ll see you inside!” The call ended as I spot my friends. I tell them everything, except my delulu self that heard the bell rings.

Jungkook’s POV

Another concert, another fun day. I can’t wait to see ARMY! Although I am tired from all the practices and flights, but I live for this, for the thrill, most importantly for those smiles. That I surely know are made for us, and because of us. In just a couple minutes I have to go up the stage for a short soundcheck, this is my favorite part of all because I can see them very clearly, the soundcheck was our idea, it is more intimate, although it seems unfair for those who’re not here, but this is the least we can do to get closer to our lovely ARMY. As Namjoon Hyung says hello, the crowd screams back, and I can already feel my lips forming a huge huge smile just knowing that they are here for us. I have my camera with me during every soundcheck, I feel like I have to capture every moment so I wont forget any details. The soundcheck goes well as usual, Hoseok hyung is having a little talk with ARMY as I shoot a video of him, then I move my camera to the crowd. I -

I hear the sound of bell ringing! What?! I cannot help but to find those eyes, and I finally found them, looking straight into my direction. She looks so confused, yet so beautiful. I bet she knows, I just hope she won’t go crazy. But, she closes her eyes and shakes her head. As if she does not want to believe it. I keep my eyes on her for awhile, my camera still recording her area, but I know for sure I have it zoomed in to her. She looks away first. She doesn’t believe in soulmates. I can see her head down for awhile, but I try my best not to look so obvious because I have been taught how to act if by any craziest chance I will find my soulmate like this. Which is to pretend it did not happened. To stay normal. But is it normal to ignore the existence of your soulmate? How soulmate works is weird, I don’t think the world notice it but when it comes to soulmate, you’ll never know. Every body has one, but the process is different, I don’t know about others, but surely mine is the bell.

We’re back at the waiting room, to get everything done, the make up, the script, the hair, outfits, and all. But I am still stuck. Starstruck? Is that the word? I never thought that my soulmate will be a foreigner? And an ARMY? Yes, ARMY. It feels like I’m living the best life. But also the saddest and tragic one, because I can do nothing. In this line of work, I have to stay like this. To give the best out of me. To sacrifice things. I hope in the end it will be worth the wait and sacrifice. “Jungkookieeeeeeeeeeee, why are you so saddddd?” Jin hyung asks from the couch while having his food. “Nothing hyunggggggg, just sleepy” I say as I walk into his direction and take a seat beside him. “Yah, be honest. Are you really sleepy or you found the one?” Jin hyung whispers. I can only look him in his eyes and hoping that he can read me. “Ayeeee I knew it. Which section?” He asks again. “Right side.” “Our right side or their right side?” “Ours.”

During the opening speech I try so hard to spot her, but I cant. The lights are blinding, and the size of the venue is not helping at all. I keep taking off my in ear just to talk to Jin hyung, praying that maybe he can help me spot her. As we’re about to sing Magic Shop, this is my chance to actually look for her in the pit so I walk slowly to the right stage while scanning the crowd, and I almost burst out laughing because I can see her running from nowhere into the back barricade. She’s something else. I look at her few seconds and I can see her very clearly because she is just by the barricade with her Army Bomb and her phone obviously recording ME. So I took my chance to go a little closer and I can see her friend slaps her right arm and screams something that I can’t really hear. But she’s unbothered. She’s so focus that I can tell her phone is not recording properly. Gosh she’s so funny, I can’t help but let a small giggle out while I shake my head, and walk back to the main stage. I can see her during Euphoria, I can’t really focus. She does not has her phone, I don’t know if she’s crying or not but she is standing in between her friends who are hugging her. It’s a beautiful view. Euphoria is the last time I saw her. Jin hyung spotted her during medley and Run. I’m so desperate to see her, this is my last chance. I keep on getting to the right side of the stage just to find her, until Anpanman, I can see her! I CAN SEE HER! I am so excited I can not contain my smile, I keep on dancing and hanging around the area. Last, it hits me during the closing, Answer : Love Myself, I have my in ear off and just so sad that this may be my last time seeing her. I try fight back my tears, I don’t think I sing properly, I hope no one notice. As we all walk back to the main stage, I look everywhere in her section hoping that I can see her for the last last time, shit I can’t see her. After the final bow I still give it a try, I walk a little bit to the extended stage but I still can not find her. I give up, giving my last smile before I walk off stage. And there my tears fall freely, I sit by the stairs to calm myself down because this is all too much, I have to fly to another country, leaving her, without any information. Without her knowing that I am her soulmate. My heart breaks even more, until Jimin hyung come to me and comfort me. He is truly the fairy. “Its okay Jungkookieeee, the chance will come sooner or later. You are soulmate, you’ll end up with each other. So don’t worry okay, you’ll find her. We will find her. Okay? Don’t cry, besides you did very good today!”  All I can do is to let out some sniffles as we both walk back to the waiting room to meet the others for concert photo.

(y/n)’s POV

The pit is crazy, I decided to stay at the back so it will be easier for me to run around to wherever Jungkook is heading. Bitch be running wherever her bias is heading, that bitch is me. Oh fuck, this is my song. Magic Shop, I literally scream each and every word out of my lungs. When I realize where Jungkook is heading, I literally run for my life to the back barricade and thank God it’s still empty. His legs ugh, he is sweating like crazy it makes him glow even more. I have my useless Army Bomb with me, and my phone, trying to record and capture Jungkook as much as I can because who knows, this may be my first and last. But luck was not on my side, I forgot to press record. I cannot scream, but Jungkook is too close, he is too close and my friend fucking slapped my arm. I could not careless all I see is him, too close, too close. Jesus bless my pure soul cause Jungkook just giggled? Why is he so funny.

Before the concert, days before the concert. I did my research very well, I know the whole setlist and where will they perform it. The stage and all so I know right after Just Dance, will be Euphoria at the main stage. I kinda make my way towards the stage with my two friends. “hey (y/f/n), can you please record the whole performance because I don’t think I can record it..” With that being said, the lights dim a little and I can hear the intro. I got goosebumps all over my body, I can’t believe that I finally able to see it live. Woah my body will collapse soon, my tears start to fall very quick. My friends notice and laugh but they have me in between them. Most of the time I stay at the back because I want to focus on the performance, plus I’m super tired I have not eaten anything yet today so I was at the back with water from the security. But I gained my energy back during medley and encore. Anpanman! Oh my god, I can see Jungkook again! Very clear because he is always on our side. I recorded his little cute dance. The 2 hours concert feels like a minute, they are at the extended stage for Answer : Love Myself, but boy is holding back tears. I feel a pang in my heart, and my lungs are lacking of oxygen. It hurts, my eyes are burning. I know this song will always have that effect on me but I don’t know that it will be like this. They walk back to the main stage for the final final bow, I smile through my tears and when the lights bout to turn off, Jungkook walk back a little for another goodbye while scanning through the crowd. This boy, he loves army that much. He smiles before it turns completely dark and the lights back without the boys on stage. I stay for some pictures with my friends, and my sister.

I say nothing about my weird feelings and the sound of the bell cause what kind of a crazy and delusional fan am I. So while waiting for the crowd to die down a little, I sit on the grass outside the venue while looking through my videos briefly, talking about the concert. The crowd somewhere goes crazy because apparently BTS is leaving for their hotel, but I could not careless because heck I’ve spent my entire day standing and waiting, I need to sit and rest my legs. And my crazy heart.

January 20 2019

Jungkook’s POV

Today is my last day here and I have no chance to explore because I have to fly back to Seoul.

(y/n)’s POV

Today is my last day here, I explore and shop a bit at the city before heading to the airport because I have to fly back home. Thank you (country), for the unforgettable night.

#complex #bts imagine #jungkook imagine #bts #bangtansonyeondan #bulletproof boy scout #kim namjoon #bts rm #kim seokjin #bts jin #min yoongi #bts suga #jung hoseok #bts jhope #park jimin #bts jimin #kim taehyung #bts v #jeon jungkook #bts jungkook #bts angst #jungkook angst #bts lockscreen #jungkook lockscreen #jungkook edit #jungkook gif

[ambthecreative]

My Actual Live Reactions to the SU Finale For Preservation:

IM WATCHING THE FINALE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BLUE: O' BLUUUUEEEEE Steven: This isnt normal. How many times did you make her cry? Blue: I didn't I.... I'm doing it again, aren't I?" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMFG I CAN RELATE SO HARD TO THIS OMFG I WANT TO KISS REBECCA SUGAR OMFG I CANT BELIEVE SHE MADE THIS AND MADE IT POPULAR AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YELLOOOWWW SHES GONNA BE SO MUCH HARDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NONONONNONO STOP FIGHTING!! I MEAN YES BLUE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MATCH YELLOW BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Yellow: I WAS THE ONE THERE FOR YOU! AND YOU USE YOUR POWER AGAINST ME?!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAxinifnity Blue: AND I KNOW YOU'RE SUFFERING IN SILENCE TOO!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ITS NOT EVEN TEN MINUTES IN AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THESE GEMS I LOVE THEM SOOOO YELLOW'S FACE WHEN SHES TRYING TO POOF BLUE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I love these flawed precious diamonds so damn much aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa TTTTTTTTTT_TTTTTTTTT STARS! STARS! STAAAAARS!!! THEY HAVE STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WONT LEAVE THEM AFTER EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Yellow: Steven, quickly! Take one of our ships to go home! SHE CALLED STEVEN BY HIS NAME! SHE CALLED EARTH HIS HOME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Steven: If we can fix our family, we can fix everything! Blue: But in order to fix it. We'll have to admit that its broken AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AAAAAAAAAAA YELOOOWWWW cdjoiwehf2p9qwhfp9qoFG390PTRYV1AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TO SEE YELLOW, STRONG LOGICAL YELLOW HESITATE AND BE SCARED BECAUSE OF SCARY STRICT OVERBEARING WHITE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AND SHE SAYS WHAT SHE NEEDS TO ANYWAYS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I RELATE SO HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD 17 MINUTES INTO  A 44 MIN EPSIODE THIS ISNT GONNA BE EASY, IS IT? NOWAYNOWAYNOWAYNOWAY!! IS HE GOING TO FUSE WITH EACH OF THEM?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!!!!!!!!!!!! OMFG ITS A FEMINATE MALE VERSION OF RAINBOW HWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???? THEYRE SO GODDAMN PRETTY I LOVE YOU PEAAARRRL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE PEARL HER NEW FORM IS SOOOOO DAMN CUUUTE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Poor Sapphire XDDD Garnet fuses with Steven and its all fire XD omfg Sunstone is like Mikey from TMNT XD OBSIDIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY HAVE  A FLAMESWORD FROM BOTW AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NOOO! NOT AMETHYST!! "BLAMING EVERYTHING ON SOMETHING ELSE" FUCK U WHITEFUUUUCK YOOOOUUUUU WHOA WHOAHWHOAHWHOAHWHOAHWHOAHWHOOOOAAAH!! YOU CANT DO THAT!! OMFG STEVEN YOUR GEM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH Hoy shit this is intense So....Rose is dead AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI KNOW THE TRANS ANALOGY YOURE MAKING REBECCA BUT OMFG THATS SO SADDDDD WHERE IS ROSE WHERE IS PINK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *watches the gem formation 100 times* ohooooooooooooh Steven IS Rose Steven IS Pink Steven IS Steven that is that gem's transformation, reformation, however you want to put it there is no Rose/Pink as there is no longer any previous formation of the crystal gems she poofed and now she's Steven and thats all there is T_T AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  ,,,im not gonna lieI kindakindadont like this  this this is slightly or more than slightly the equivalent of the Chronicles of Narnia I'm sorry Rebecca your...feverent  beliefs are shining through too much and its...feeling a bit...just a bit...like propagand about then again i could be wrong i need to sit with this longer maybe its less that and more...the beliefs shining through I disagree with maybe I'm learning something about myself I didnt really accept before afterall propaganda is fine as long as you believe in the message Steven: If you can just let everyone be who they are.. Me: with  a red pen Me: If you can just let everyone be who they WANT to be HOW IS THAT HOW WHITE IS SUPPOSED TO BE IF THE ONLY REASON SHES LIKE THAT IS BECAUSE OF YOOOOUR INTERFERENCE THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE REBEECCCAAAAAAAAAAAA White: I'm supposed to be better! Im supposed to make everything better! Steven: You can. But first, you have to leave your own head.  ....Okay I agree with that one XDDD the off colors arrive on Earth OkayI forgive you Rebecca ZD they..just...gloss over the gems being...uncorrupted.....including jasper...... *muffled angry screaming ^Im sorry but thats pure bullshit ARE YOU KIDDING ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA "YEAH no need to know what the diamonds are possibly talking about" "the power of the gays completely made all their insecurity and their inability to relate with others and completely changed their personalities cause it benefits the plot. Thank god for the gays. YAY" -_-

#su #steven universe #finale #su finale #steven universe finale #steven universe spoilers #su spoilers #i hate it

[hongkongdramas]

Flying Tiger

Firstly can I say how exciting this entire drama is... Okay I’m kinda late to the show but the final action scene was so damn crazy and intense! HOLY. 

I really really like how the story unfolded and how they link the sub-plots to the main plot. They even place one sub plot at the beginning followed by the main story and ended off with another small sub plot.

The first sub plot was sufficient enough to get me hooked. The Ko Yat Tai issue and how they made use of this sub plot to introduce the our main villain Lo Man La. And I have to say what an amazing actor Hugo Ng is. Like the moment he confronted Michael Miu’s character and having Ron Ng to arrest him. The emotions and his facial expression can’t deny how much effort he has put in to drive himself into the character. And that entire scene was so emotional. The 4 actors (Michael, Hugo, Bosco and Ron) in that particular scene did a terrific job. Look at how amazing the sub plot already is so do i really have to say how great the entire drama is...?! 

The main plot comes in when Long finally infiltrated the U384 and started working undercover. On a side note, I pity Ko Ka Long so much that he had to check up secretly on his mother immediately after finding her and also losing contact with everyone he loved just for his job as a police man. What a huge sacrifice. There were so many exciting stuff during the main plot that I don’t know which to talk about. It was just like a roller coaster ride throughout the entire drama. But I have to commend how great Oscar Leung was in delivering his character Kenny. Omg he did such an amazing job! The crazy and addicted-to-violence Kenny was so fun to watch when portrayed by Oscar. He is such a talented actor and I always remember him in Line Walker always standing with his legs shoulder-width apart with the metal tag in his mouth while he talk and shake his body like a gangster.. LOL so funny. Really like him here in Flying Tiger too. Anyway, throughout the main plot, I remember myself complaining how dumb and annoying Ko Ka Chun was. He is just some workaholic guy that keeps on trying to climb up the promotional ladder and prove how smart he is at doing things. But seriously?! All he does is to screw up so many things. Well, but I can’t blame him coz he doesn’t know that his bro is working undercover.... And also.. It was so weird that he fell for Ling Man Lok.. Did he actually like her?? Or is it that he pities her so he decided to lend his “love” to her...? 

Whichever the case, I wasn’t rooting for the Ron-Grace couple but LOL I find myself rooting so much for Bosco-Venus couple >< LOL I dunno...Well, I just find them damn cute... But it was so sad that there wasn’t much scenes with them coz Long was working undercover and Fei resigned from SDU following all the issues. But i was sad there wasn’t much scenes too even after the main plot. All there was were just that proposal scene in the ambulance and the chicken congee and the wedding... Meh.. saddddd.

The next sub plot was the part where they went against Red Wolf and trying to arrest Bun. Oh, I thought of one part which I didn’t enjoy much and that was the scene where they were discussing on all the stock market and economy thingy. Maybe people may find it necessary but I was kinda bored out at that part. I guess maybe it was just me not following what they were talking about coz it was confusing... It felt like the part in Fist Fight talking about stocks and blah blah.... ew. Anyway, the sub plot was still exciting but not as much as what has happened coz much of it was all the discussions on how to transfer fire arms, forcing bankers to help and planning operations blah blah. But I really like a few of the tiny lil’ scenes. It was really minor but to me, it delivered such a huge message. Firstly was the part where Chun’s mother slapped Long and after which reminded both of the brothers to take care of each other during the operation. Secondly was when Chun called Shuen and his mom to speak with them before he heads off for the operation. Thirdly was when Fei and Long dared each other on the operation and whoever wins will treat just before they head off to their respective vans for the operation. Lastly was the scene Fei reported to his Dad because his Dad wanted to tell her how much she means to him and she was his angel right before Fei goes off for the operation. Can we just appreciate how amazing and important family ties are. How strong the feeling of love can be where we just wish our loved ones would stay safe and come back in one piece. Gosh.. i really how these tiny scenes can be so impactful. 

The last wedding scene was okayyy I guess. (Even though I was taken aback at how fast the relationship between Chun and Shuen escalated.. It came just out of the blue imo...) BUT!  Where is Sis La?!?! She said she wanted to witness the wedding!!! She should at least make an appearance! Unless police doesn’t allow that... =((

All in all, one of the greatest HK action drama I’ve watched. (with a great ending... *hinting at Ruse of engagement...*) I literally watch like at least 1 episode everyday and can’t help myself to binge watch the last 5 in a day. Looking forward to part 2 even though I was sad to not be able see the entire of the original cast in 2. (Coz no Long and Fei =( ) 

#飛虎之潛行極戰

[xxlove4evaxx]

Ok so someone is impersonating me on YouTube

[FINAL UPDATE]

The fake account exposed themselves (they keep posting fake and nosense evidence tho and conviently now they have a sudden interest in KPOP LMAO) so case closed I decide to move on and stop free-promo them and wait for YouTube to take actions.

So to sum up:

x Fake account won’t answer which is the very first video I uploaded onto thatsideofutube x Fake account won’t answer which is the last video of thatsideofutube before it got terminated. x Fake account has used promo discount codes (glossier) for personal gain, I HAVE NEVER. x Fake account will never upload the 6 episodes of the Barbie series. x Fake account doesn’t speak spanish and everyone who has been following me long enough knows I’m a native spanish speaker (my tumblr bios has always had spanish) ALSO I SUBBED THIS VIDEO MYSELF: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5b6sg8MpCE. x Fake account only provides fake screenshots and fake video recordings that are easy manipulable. x Fake account started making random gmail accounts a la [email protected] to make their fake proof plausible. x You know I’ve been banned from uploading on YouTube several times and I NEVER MADE A DIFFERENT ACCOUNT to keep posting, I waited for the ban to be over / used private videos to keep posting. x Having a ban from YouTube DOESN’T KEEP YOU FROM EDITING YOUR BIO NOR EDITING THE TITLES/DESCRIPTION OF THE ALREADY UPLOADED VIDEOS; the last time I got a ban on thatsideofutube2 I used the latest video’s title to let people know I wasn’t able to upload anything new for a while and you know (WHY WOULD I ACT DIFFERENT NOW AND MAKE A NEW CHANNEL AND NOT LET MY SUSCRIBERS KNOW ON MY MAIN CHANNEL?). x I’ve been away for personal reasons (medical issues) so someone took advantage of my absence to make this happen. x A ban on YouTube doesn’t last 4 months so why they never went back to the main channel to keep posting?.  x Fake account only claimed they were “hacked” once I started uploading again. x Fake account never linked this tumblr to their account. x I have never linked their channel on thatsidefoutube2. x Fake account used their channel to tell everyone it was their birthday I HAVE NEVER done that. x I’Ve NeVer TyPEd LikEd THiS. x I’ve had this tumblr account long before I started the thatsideofutube thing (you can check the archive for that) so NO, [email protected] is not the login email for this tumblr (you can check that no tumblr account is associated with that email, therefore THIS TUMBLR COULDN’T HAVE BEEN HACKED IF YOU DON’T HAVE THE LOGIN INFORMATION). x Fake account deleted all the comments about recording a video of themselves to prove their legit, it wasn’t until I said on my channel that the picture on my tumblr is from Jessica Jung (for fuck’s sake, it even says Jessica in my bio) that they keep saying everywhere how the pic is from a famous person. x Sadly, several people fell for the lies and are spreading the same lies on my channel so to stop those lies from being spread I’ve decided to block any user spreading lies on my channel in order to confuse / mislead the rest of the suscribers. x Fake account is still ignoring all these FACTS and turning a blind eye because they know they can prove me wrong with ANY of these. x I’m willing to do anything you can come up with to prove I’m the original owner, a video in spanish? You say it. I STILL HAVE ACCESS to the first thatsideofutube account (the channel is obviously down) so I can show you anything you want from it (the email I got (in spanish) saying the channel was terminated? You say it. *IN BEFORE THEY SAY THE ORIGINAL CHANNEL WAS “HACKED” TOO LMAO*

[UPDATE 3]

This sad hoe just deleted their [email protected] account so that the system will say that the email does not exist. Why aren't they showing the previous video but without the mouse cursor on it tho? LMAO SADDDDD. It took them more than an hour to come up with this </3.

[UPDATE 2]

Don’t you love when a mouse cursor is conveniently placed TO HIDE A LOWERCASE “L” TRYING TO PASS AS AN “i”?

The fake ho just uploaded a new video claiming the screenshots are real. They proceed to show the timestamps and the mails... however the mouse is conveniently placed on the [email protected] just because IS NOT [email protected] BUT [email protected]

You can check yourself by trying to create a new account by that name:

What a suprise!!!! (irony) [email protected] is already taken!! (you can check yourselves).

LMAO you can see how conveniently he placed the finger there to hide the lower case L.

Also if you check the video at 0:07, you can see how the video goes abruptly from this frame

to this one (you can x0.25 to see it clearer).

This is not taken in one shot, it is an edited video with two different shots just to avoid showing the mouse cursor moving and exposing the lowercase L LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Also LMAO @ the sudden interest in KPOP when people were commenting on my last video how the fake channel never showed interest in that.

YOU DUN GUUFED SON.

[UPDATE]

x They uploaded a new fake screenshot now with time stamps. The emails are still nowhere to be seen lol.

x They didn’t address any of the rest of the points below LMAO (simply because they can’t, he can only provide fake screenshots).

x They added my tumblr link on their bio just now LMAO (why would you link a tumblr account that is hacked). Also, the 10% glossier promo discount shit is still there.

YouTube has just contacted me back and this should be solved soon.

I’ll just leave this here because I don’t wanna keep promoting that sad hoe on YouTube.

x A fake screenshot where you can’t even see the sender/so called “hacker” email (aka [email protected]) is not real proof. Literally anyone can name themselves thatsideofutube 2 being the email something totally different. The email from the “hacker” is conveniently nowhere to be seen.

x Another fake (and convenient) screenshot where the “hacker” totally out of the blue and in the most random way claims that this tumblr is hacked when I update my bio with proof that I’m the original owner is shady af and not real proof. Why this screenshot only appears AFTER I update my bio? Why not claim that the tumblr account was ~hacked~ too right away?. They gave some poor excuse that they were tired or some shit like that and that’s why they didn’t upload it right away LMAO dumb af.

x There are NO timestamps for the emails.

x I’m sure some new “screenshots” will appear and now [email protected] will be visible lmao.

x I made this tumblr long before I started thatsideofutube so [email protected] nor [email protected] aint the emails I use to log on tumblr (you can check that yourselves, no tumblr accounts are associated to those emails) so there’s no way “a hacker” can take this tumblr without knowing the login information which that sad hoe doesn’t know.

x They never linked this tumblr to their account.

x I’ve NEVER used the channel for promo however they have some get 10% glossy shit off links on several videos and linked to their bio. Why would I do this instead of linking my tumblr to my bio as I HAVE ALWAYS DONE?.

x When I receive strikes from YouTube I turn to private videos to keep posting / wait for a while until the bans is lifted. I HAVE NEVER made different accounts to keep posting (and you know this), not with thatsideofutube nor with thatsideofutube2 now. Why would I start now and start posting again with a different account when I still have mine? I’ve always waited and you know. I only made thatsideofutube2 when thatsideofutube got terminated.

x Since 2011 I have NEVER used a video to claim it was “my birthday” in a desperate attempt to get congratulation comments.

x When thatsideofutube got terminated I uploaded the same videos WITH THE SAME EXACT TITLE, those in the fake channel have different ones from the original (my titles).

x I’Ve NeVer TyPEd LikEd THiS for any of my videos.

x I’m a native spanish speaker and I have talked in spanish with several subscribers several times (my tumblr bio has had the spanish sentence since forever) the fake account can’t speak a single word in Spanish.

x The fake account only claimed thatsideofutube2 was hacked once I started uploading again, how come “a hacker” can instantly upload videos (hence the so called ban was lifted) and they never got back to thatsideofutube2 to start posting again?. I never left the channel when I was banned from uploading, I used private videos to keep posting.

x That sad ho is making multiple “fan” accounts claiming they were close to me when I never talked to them to confuse and mislead people, they’re also blocking people calling them out to make them look good (they stopped doing that once I made this post lmao). I’m blocking everyone promoting them / confusing people to keep from misleading the people on my channel.

x On my “I got 2 Community Guidelines Strikes already” video (link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JiCfBPPzHU ) user Lets Talk About comments how he can’t wait for thatsideofutube3 then I reply “I’d rebrand tbh” meaning that I wouldn’t use the thatsideofutube thing again (and I won’t).

x The girl in my pic is Jessica Jung from Girls Generation (aka the girlband from videos like #IgotABoyOnMyChin) Funny how the fake account only said they couldn’t do a face reveal because the pic on my bios it’s Jessica once I said that myself on my channel LMAO (if he knew how come they didn’t say earlier?),

x The fake account has only addressed one of these points (and with a fake video and fake screenshots lmao). He keeps ignoring all these points (and we know they know about this post since they have made several videos regarding only two points of the big ass amount there is.

So if that sad hoe claims they’re the orignal owner (which IT ISNT the case) they can easily do the following tasks (which I obviously can):

Name the first video I ever uploaded onto my first channel Name the last video I uploaded before my first channel got terminated Say why I don’t pin the user malcom memery anymore. The login email for this tumblr. Upload all of the unedited Barbie’s Dream House Episodes (all 6 of them; I only uploaded the first 4 ones because 5 & 6 are painfully unfunny but I still have the vids from the og tumblr user). And a lot more I can add if you want me to.

This is honestly getting out of hand.

#thatsideofutube #thatsideofutube2

[sunnymiles]

Ok how about “I’m begging you. Please.” with anyone?? Idk make it as angsty as possible, whatever you do! :)

hello!! thank you so much for the prompt!! this one got really long haha, but i was vibing so i just kept going :)  also i do apologize in advance.

tw: major character death

from these prompts 

"Kenobi, how good to see you again."

A red Zabrak crawled forward from the depths of the cave. Why couldn’t anything ever be straight forward? Ahsoka glanced up at her grandmaster for their new plan. But, Obi-Wan seemed dazed by the creature’s arrival.

Why would Master Obi-Wan be scared? Unless… what was it that Anakin had mentioned about Naboo and Master Jinn? The red Zabrak that had… oh. Oh no.

So… this was Maul. He was shorter than she expected.

That didn't detract from the manic gleam in his yellow eyes or the bolt of fear that shot through Ahsoka when they locked on her.

"And I see you've brought a little runt with you." Obi-Wan seemed to snap out of his trance at those words. Her grandmaster’s kind eyes were colder than she had ever seen them.

"How fitting Kenobi, I killed your master, and now I’ll kill your padawan." "Oh I don't think so." Obi-Wan snarled at Maul and moved to stand in front of her. Ahsoka felt a growl surge through her in response to the monster’s taunting. She had protective instincts too. And, she wasn’t about to let this thing do anything to her Obi-Wan.

Maul just smirked, before literally jumping on top of them.

Even with the two of them, Ahsoka quickly realized this would be one of the most difficult fights of her life.

The Zabrak was just so fast. His metal legs gave him optimal maneuverability and Anakin had only just started to teach her how to combat Form VII.

Obi-Wan was doing his best to keep Maul occupied and off her, but Maul knew that too. He attacked her at every opportunity, ferocious and unyielding, recognizing the weak link.

Ahsoka bared her fangs and tried to let the Force flow through her.

The wall behind them suddenly shattered. A massive yellow Zabrak moved to join its kin with a roar. Her mind raced, they weren’t going to be able to take them both-

Obi-Wan leapt toward her, blocking the blow that would’ve decapitated her. Unfortunately, as he was forced to engage the yellow one, she was left alone with Maul.

Not good.

He grinned those yellow teeth at her before lunging with powerful strikes. She could only block so many of them, it was too much-

Maul overpowered her quickly, knocking her shoto away, and slicing the hilt of her lightsaber in two. He shoved her to the ground before him. One hand pulled her head back, the other brought the heat of his lightsaber to warm her neck threateningly. "Kenobi, put down your weapon or the girl dies."

The split-second Obi-Wan’s horrified eyes met hers was enough for the yellow beast to disarm him.

“Now, for the fun”, his nails dug into her sensitive montrals painfully, “I want to watch you break.”

Suddenly something was invading her mind. Distantly, she could make out a voice yelling for Maul to stop. It seemed cloudy and unimportant though, when compared to the utter sense of wrong reverberating in her head.

It felt like Mortis all over again. Inky black hate went after her most treasured memories- hugs with Master Plo, listening to Anakin and Obi-Wan bicker over complete nonsense, acting stupid with Fives until she got a smile out of Rex. The darkness coiled around them, tainting their goodness with poison.

Ahsoka wanted to cry, those were her’s. Her people, her family, her memories. She wanted this monster out of her head.

She ignored the verbal taunts about her weakness, ignored Obi-Wan’s increasingly frantic pleas, and she pushed with all her might.

Getout Getout Getout-

Maul stumbled back from her onslaught, his eyes widening in confusion. Her smirk tasted like victory.

But, she had underestimated the fatigue from fighting that much raw, dark power. Ahsoka pushed it down, she had to get to Obi-Wan. She had to protect her family.

As she moved to engage Maul, her focus listed. The ground was hard against her knees.

No-

But, Maul had already taken advantage of the moment. He held her to his chest, lightsaber back at her throat.

No-

“Oh, this one is feisty.”

No-

"Maul, it's me you want. Let her go."

The Zabrak just laughed menacingly. She felt his hot breath by her ear. Ahsoka just wanted to be back with the 501st and Obi-Wan and Anakin. Not here, anywhere but here.

Panic was starting to take over. She couldn’t get out of Maul’s tight grip, and her breaths were coming in quick gasps.

Obi-Wan had bent down to his knees, a supplicant’s position. Something deep within her cringed at the sight of the man she most respected, pleading brokenly for her safety.

"I'm begging you. Please." Obi-Wan’s voice cracked.

“It is a shame Kenobi, that she’s yours.”

Maul continued almost conspiratorially, “I think she and I would’ve gotten along otherwise.”

Ahsoka didn’t get a chance to contemplate that frightening notion before hot white pain flared through her.

What-

There was a lightsaber sticking through her stomach. A red lightsaber.

"No!"

Ahsoka had no strength left as Maul pushed her carelessly towards Obi-Wan.

He grabbed her tenderly and pulled her to his chest. A part of her whispered that this was her first, and her final hug with Obi-Wan.

“Master, I-I’m sorry”-

“No, Ahsoka everything’s going to be fine. You’re going to be alright young one.” 

His tear-filled eyes, and shaking hands told a different story. He wouldn’t look at the wound, instead keeping his gaze locked on her own.

The Zabraks laughed around them, but it seemed so far away.

“It hurts Master.”

“I know dear one, but you’re doing so good Ahsoka, I’m”, he choked a little, “so proud of you. Try to stay awake for me.”

Ordinarily, she’d never disobey Obi-Wan if she could help it, but the world around her was dimming. There was so much left to say.

“Tell Anakin”-

"I will.”

Master Obi-Wan had always understood her. She gave him a soft smile filled with the love she couldn’t name.

“Thank you, for everything Master.” Her head lolled back into the security of his embrace, and she closed her heavy eyes.

“Ahsoka!” 

Sobs echoed in the room as a broken man wept for his child.

#obi and soka #i made myself saddddd #my fic #in my head i'm like yes they deserve to be happy #and then i write this?? #tw: major character death #prompt fill