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thebibliosphere · 8 months

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Hm. I'm rereading something I wrote, and I can't decide if it's going to be infuriating for some readers, or if there will be more going "OH, same!"

Given that my readership is largely in the Autistic 🤝ADHD vampire fan club (Vlad), I'm hoping it'll be the latter, but it's still making me hesitate because it's not how people expect sex scenes to read.

Everything's usually boiled down to a laser-focused precision of sensations and evocative, heated language -- and that does eventually happen with this. You just have to get past Vlad's brain wandering around for a bit because while Nathan's doing a good job of getting his attention in the moment, he's not being consistent, and it's giving Vlad's brain time to wander. Like noticing that Nathan squints a bit when he reads. ("(Hyperopia, Vlad’s brain supplied helpfully before he could smother it.)") Or just generally having full-on conversations in his head in the downtimes between stimulation -- and by downtime, I mean the split second it takes for Nathan to grab something from the nightstand.

Another part of me worries people will think I'm playing to stereotypes or I'm hamming it up to be "quirky," but given my brain is the epitome of the "hyper 8-year-old boy who can't sit still shiny disorder" despite being a 36yo cis woman, I've pretty much resigned myself to some people calling Vlad a stereotype anyway.

A larger part of me just... kind of really wants to see this kind of thing in a sex scene. I want to see my own thought patterns and acknowledge that even when you're getting hot and heavy with someone -- arguably an act that should consume all of your attention -- you'll still find your mind wandering. You'll notice something out the corner of your eye and go, "fucking shit, laundry, do not forget, do not forget" (and then you'll forget), or you'll be about to go down on someone, and the dick joke your friend told you three months ago will pop into your head and suddenly you're snickering with no tactful way to explain it.

(This is another thing that I always think is sorely lacking in sex scenes. No one's messy. No one's laughing like an idiot because they just thumped their head into the headboard, or a joke just popped into their head. Or someone's body made a fart sound because there's lube in places and things are thrusting. Like, maybe it's me, maybe I'm weird, but I think those are the moments you can build real romance out of. Not necessarily erotica, because those things (supposedly) aren't sexy, but there's so much emotion you can show with partners who are able to laugh with each other in those moments. You can show so much love and reverence through the mundane it hurts.)

It'd just be nice, for once, to have the character be absolved of the guilt that often happens in those moments because you're supposed to be focusing on what is happening, and your idiot brain just won't shut up.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter too much. It's a short story I'm hoping to fling out at some point (as soon as my idiot brain shuts up and lets me finish it). But it feels more important than it actually is because it feels like I'm exposing a major part of my psyche. Like pinning down all the ugly parts of my brain that can't ever actually be pinned down, no matter how much I try.

idk. Words. Things. Stuff. I'm going to try and finish this and then see what I want to do with it.

#long post #writing #adhd writer #rambling with joy #my kingdom for some ADHD meds

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headspace-hotel · 2 years

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The day before yesterday I got to try a ripe pawpaw for the first time.

Someone else was supposed to come in at the center, but I was in the mood to be alone, so I fucked off into the woods at the earliest available opportunity, looking to collect more hickory nuts.

I hiked about two miles down the trail, seeking to find a little-used path as far from the center as I could reasonably make it. I was five or ten minutes down a fork in the path heading down a valley when I unexpectedly smelled something familiar: the scent of ripe pawpaws. I only knew that scent from having come upon a rotten one several days back on the trail.

I had seen pawpaw trees on the way up, but I looked around and saw nothing. I indulged a beast-like impulse: I sniffed. I turned until I was facing the direction of the scent and moved towards it. And I saw, about 50 feet away down the hillside below...a pawpaw grove

Some interesting facts about pawpaws:

The pawpaw is the largest fruit native to North America, known for its "tropical" flavor. Despite being reputed to be delicious, it is not found in grocery stores due to the fruits being far too delicate to ship without spoiling. A few people farm them, but otherwise the only way to get one is to come upon one growing wild, which is rare, because the opossums love them.

Pawpaw trees are hard to grow and take 10-15 years to produce fruit, but you can see wild ones in mature and well managed woods of Kentucky. They are small, barely trees, only about 15-20 feet tall, with trunks only a bit bigger around than a circle you can make with your index finger and thumb. They almost always grow in clonal colonies, groups of many trees that are all clones of each other due to being propagated from the roots of existing trees. They are also strictly understory trees, growing in the shade of much larger trees.

Now, an interesting fact about Eastern Kentucky: At the fringe of Appalachia, and even into parts of the Outer Bluegrass, the terrain frequently turns into very steep rolling hills.

It's hard to notice if you are in more cultivated areas that have been leveled out more, but in wilder parts you can seldom just casually walk in a straight line through the woods. Unless you are following the contour of the hills, you are either sliding and gripping saplings to slow your descent or you are climbing on all fours.

Such was the hill below me, descending at roughly a fifty-degree angle into the pawpaw grove.

I was going to get me some fucking pawpaws.

I climb down the hill by a combination of scooting, sliding, and scrabbling. After a few minutes of struggle I am standing in the pawpaw grove, alone, scanning the branches with my eyes.

The ground is littered everywhere with pawpaws, some very rotten. I see only two or three fruits remaining in the trees, and I walk around giving each tree a good shake, thinking to myself about how this is certainly an experience shared by millions of years' worth of primate ancestors before me.

After nearly ten minutes of (literally) fruitless tree-shaking, I start to eye the fallen pawpaws on the ground around me.

Some of them are perfectly fine-looking. The skin hasn't even been broken into. I pick one up.

It is very soft, but not squishy like something rotten. It is about as long as my index finger (my hands are small) and oblong. Its smooth skin is pale green and spotted with brown like a very ripe banana. I tear the skin back and give the creamy orange insides a test lick.

Friends.

It was transcendent.

Imagine the most perfect ripe mango, but with a flavor that is more banana-like, mellow and creamy and mild instead of tangy. The texture is perfectly smooth and soft unlike any other fruit. You can lick it and it will just melt in your mouth.

I am autistic and a very picky eater due to the difficult textures of many foods, and this fruit has the perfect texture. Mangos are already one of my favorite foods and this is somehow even better. I remember, deliriously, that farmers are seeking to improve pawpaws for possible commercial production, and it seems like the height of foolishness there in the pawpaw grove. There is no possible way wild pawpaws could be improved. All of creation is tainted by the Fall of Man, except for fucking pawpaws, because they are beyond the earthly tier of fruits.

I lick it like a dog going crazy on a Kong full of peanut butter until it falls apart in my hands and start scanning the ground for another.

They are all perfectly ripe and mostly untouched by bugs or creatures. I start just squishing them in my hands and licking the creamy insides. I am just planting my face in these fruits like some kind of animal. My face and hands are covered in pawpaw squish.

I go through like ten of them before returning to my senses. I've been thoughtlessly wiping my hands on my pants, and they are now more soiled than the clothes of the messiest toddler. I feel primal and connected to my ancestors. I have truly earned my Primate Card.

My mom said in the car that I smelled very strongly of something (pawpaws) so it's safe to say that literally every person I passed on the way back down the trail got a good whiff too, and likely connected it to the Pawpaw Squish that was basically all over me.

Regrets: None

#nature #fruits #pawpaw

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thunderstomm · 3 months

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I was originally not going to make a post about this, but after seeing a few other posts about it, I wanted to make my own. I have a LOT to talk about.

TW: Transphobia, Homophobia, Ableism

If you don’t know what I’m taking about- there was a post made by a user, who’s name I will not disclose or share, who discussed how they would rewrite the new Monster High G3 Cartoon. While some of the points were mundane, or points of preference, others made me very uncomfortable, as they got rid of much of the diversity that G3 has brought into the Monster High Universe. I want to quickly go through three of the points that I felt were erasing these steps in diversity, and my thoughts on each one, and why I think that it’s iffy, to say the least.

First is the statement “all of the couples from G1 will stay together”. While this may read to some as a preference for the old couples, in the context of rewriting G3- it comes across as the erasure of both couples involving a neurodivergent character being the subject of a crush, and being seen as desirable and loved (Manny x Twyla), and what probably was the intended couples they wanted to seperate, the canonically queer ships. In particular, this is most likely against Clankie (and POSSIBLY an s2 ship which I won’t say by name because some people want to go in blind. Instead I will refer to it as 🧡💚.). In this rewrite context, wanting to take away queer relationships which many writers and designers for Monster High have fought for in many shapes and forms. G1 never had explicit queer characters, the closest things being a scrapped SDCC diary entry (Valentine x Spelldon), Post-Ending 3rd party statements (Clawdeen is a Lesbian, Rebecca x Venus, etc.) and implied characters (Kiyomi). While these are okay, they are NOT the same as explicit queer couples, which are arguably more important to push forward in the talk and scope of present and future representation.

While it is okay to prefer the G1 ships, in the context of bringing them back for G3, it erases these queer couples, and ignores the lore and universe of G3. In G3, Cleo and Deuce are exes. And if you don’t like that, you can still watch G1!! It’s not magically disappeared, the movies and shows and music is all still out there, and most of it is free! But, erasing Clankie, 🧡💚, and other potential queer ships in G3, for the preservation of a m/f ship isn’t okay.

On the subject of erasure, there is the statement “Frankie is still non-binary, but now uses she/they pronouns”. A character canonically using they/them in cartoons, especially ones made for kids, are uncommon. Honestly, I don’t even know if I could name 10, and that says more about the state of non-binary representation than it does about me. While changing the pronouns of a cisgender character to gender neutral ones is often done in fandom, and often not a point of issue, taking a character who is canonically non-binary and solely uses they/them and giving them typically gendered pronouns erases that under represented group, and allows for transphobes to ignore the “they” in “she/they”, and only use “she” for the character. This is an issue in real life too, for many who use multiple sets of pronouns, including myself (they (preferred) / he) ! We deserve both of their sets of pronouns to be used, and people who only use they/them deserve to be referred to by and as they/them. These changes hurt everyone.

Then, we come to the one I see the most talk about, and the one that made me audibly yell “what the f-?!”- taking away Twyla’s canon autism diagnosis, and symptoms & traits, and replacing it with autism coding, so that she is easier to identify with. First of all- easier for who??? Neurotypicals ?? It is incredibly rare to see a character on kids TV outright say “I am autistic”, and Twyla is wonderful as representation. Twyla will not resonate or be relatable to every person- but that is true for all characters, not just autistic ones. Autistic people are not a monolith, it is a spectrum, with many different ways to present itself. Also… taking away all of her traits and symptoms to make her more relatable? These traits and symptoms are what would have made her “autistic coded”, and without them, you have a character who is NT.

Autism isn’t a quirky word you can use to describe anyone, it is a disability, that myself and many others have, and see misrepresented time and time again. And to say that a good example of it is not good, and would be better off to be erased and replaced with coding is insane. Coding is okay, but that’s all it is. Real spoken representation matters so much to me, and so many other people, even if the characters we see are not identical to us in those symptoms and traits they exhibit. These characters should not be changed, but rather, more autistic characters, with different presenting symptoms and traits, should be introduced !

You can like G1, you can prefer G1, but that does not mean that you have to make a sanitised version of G3, that makes it identical to G1. In terms of representation, there is no arguing that G3 has G1 beat. The poster said on their post that “any new characters would be made more relatable”, but… to who? Because I relate to a lot of the G3 characters more than the G1 ones, and I grew up loving G1! It’s not been wiped, all of the media still exists for you to watch, and make headcanons for ! If you like G1- good for you! But please, stop trying to make G3 exactly like it. Because change is inevitable in these kinds of reboots, and it allows for the representation some want to take away.

Thank-You for those who read all the way!

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identitty-dickruption · 8 months

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tired.

There is a certain degree of ableism I just have to tolerate. There is an amount of ableism that I know I’m hypersensitive to by virtue of being someone who is disabled themself. And I know that I always have to hold myself back, because abled people start to get tired if I point it out too often. Well, I’m tired too.

I’m tired of reading a philosopher I usually enjoy the work of, only for a comment about “retards” and “cripples” to throw me off-guard. I’m tired of searching for a philosopher’s answer to disability justice, only to find that they never thought to consider how to look after those of us who need to be looked after for our entire lives. I’m tired of sitting in philosophy classes where the worst-case scenario is that someone brings up the problem of disability, because I know we’re always no more than three degrees of separation from someone who will happily justify eugenics. I’m tired of having to hear sterilisation and torture justified to my face, because “disabled people just don’t have the quality of life”.

I’m tired of having to read the lectionary ahead of time to make sure I won’t be going to church in a week when we’ll be discussing “the cripple” or “the crazy man”. I’m tired of weighing up which is worse; them talking about the terrible life of a disabled person, or them using disability as an allegory for the suffering we all go through. I’m tired of comments about God’s plan and strength in faith. I’m tired of being in communities dominated by elderly people who can’t help but comment about how lucky young people are to have such well-functioning bodies. I’m tired of spending entire church services too scared to stim or do a compulsion, just in case someone glares at me for making noise or moving too much.

I’m tired of holding myself back, even in progressive spaces. I’m tired of “abortion access is important! What if the baby is going to be disabled?”. I’m tired of protest advertising not having a single comment about whether it will be safe for me to attend. I’m tired of “conservatives are all idiots/psychotic/psychopaths”. I’m tired of being shut down any time I dare to ask, “what do we plan on doing about healthcare during the revolution?”. I’m tired of having to choose between talking about my queer identity and my autistic identity, in case talking about them both exposes me to arguments about queerness being a disease.

I’m tired of being the nasty cripple who has to come along and ruin everyone’s fun. I shouldn’t have to justify my existence, or the existence of my siblings in the disabled community. I shouldn’t have to come up with a well-constructed argument about why I dare to be openly disabled and love myself for it. I deserve to feel safe. I deserve to not have to grapple with this constant gnawing question about just how disabled I’m allowed to be at any given moment. I’m tired, but I shouldn’t have to be.

#disability #disabled #tw ableism #ableism #creative nonfiction

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solangeloficawards · 3 months

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solangelo fic awards 2024 - winners!

happy valentines day guys!! <3 wanna thank everyone again for their participation and hype for this year!! just a reminder that this is all for fun, and if you were nominated but didn't win, there's always next year!! :)

and with that, here are our 2024 winners!! <3

nominations post

masterdoc

best angst!

1st place: When I Get Home to You by @2nd2ndalto (14 votes)

2nd place: work and play, they're never okay to mix the way we do by @buoyantsaturn (10 votes)

3rd place: if anybody asks, i'm taken (he is too) by @buoyantsaturn (9 votes)

best au!

1st place: IT'S A SCREAM, BABY! by @rosyredlipstick (25 votes)

2nd place: Doctor Doctor, Give Me the News (I've Got a Bad Case of Loving You) by @buoyantsaturn (6 votes)

3rd place: just an animal, looking for a home by @ikeasharksss (5 votes)

best canon compliant!

1st place: august by CordeliaRose (@cordelia---rose) (34 votes)

2nd place: three-in-one soap by @thelordofshrimp (8 votes)

3rd place: a handful of almosts by @thegoldenappleofdiscord (7 votes)

best fluff!

1st place: And now I have to act like I can't read your mind by @sunflowersandscreams (9 votes)

2nd place: good old-fashioned lover boy by brainrot247 (8 votes)

3rd place: just desserts by @thegoldenappleofdiscord (7 votes)

best oneshot!

1st place: buoyantsaturn by @buoyantsaturn (12 votes)

2nd place: cupid? more like stupid by @thelordofshrimp (11 votes)

3rd place: i love you more than i've ever loved myself by @thebhorror (7 votes)

best wip!

1st place: FAR GALAXIES by @rosyredlipstick (26 votes)

2nd place: kiss with a fist is better than none by @sunflowersandscreams (10 votes)

3rd place: it never took much convincing by penandblankpaper (@kiarrahatesboys) (5 votes)

best misc!

1st place: nico di angelo's autistic swag by @buoyantsaturn (14 votes)

2nd place: "it's so hard to hear over the sound of all the honking clown noses" by @buoyantsaturn (10 votes)

3rd place: up to speed by @solisaureus (8 votes)

best series!

1st place: The Ballad of Ladon Creek by Gates_of_Ember (@gatesofember) (15 votes)

2nd place: travel youtuber nico + some guy he's dating by @ethannku (11 votes)

3rd place: 1987 runaways au by @ikeasharksss (10 votes)

and...... (insert drumroll)

our author of the year for 2024 is @rosyredlipstick with 33 votes!!

runner up is @solisaureus with 12 votes!!

pls let me know if theres any broken links or anything wrong with the post! congratulations to all our winners! and we'll see you all next year <3

#feel free to keep sending asks throughout the year <3 and obviously the masterdocs and whatnot will stay active #so if you havent gotten a chance to read these fics def check them out if you get a chance!#solangelo #solangelo fic #fic awards 2024 #winners

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canyourfavesurvivecastledracula · 3 months

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Can Rose Maybud survive Castle Dracula? That etiquette book of hers seems to be more useful than you'd think for confronting the Gothic... on the other hand, she's probably delicious.

Sweet Rose Maybud! Both polite and virtuous, and probably autistic af. Of course she's delicious - but she's so kind, she would offer Dracula something else to ear first. This apple, perhaps?

Of course she accepts the crucifix. Etiquette demands it. But it is improper for young ladies being abducted by strange Counts at night to imbibe alcohol, so she declines the Slivovitz. Her book probably has a whole chapter on how a Gothic Heroine ought to behave. Never encourage your Evil Foreign Count or Bad Baronet in his wickedness - you must win him through forthright virtue.

Rose will not go exploring unescorted, nor will she sleep in places she has been instructed not to. Her manners are far to good for that. Nor would she dream of asking to be released early. ...nor is she going to commit the extreme impropriety of removing her shoes for the purpose of wall climbing. (We know from Mina what a social, aha, faux pas that would be)

Rose is also not afraid to correct other people's etiquette. She will show Dracula in her book exactly where it is inappropriate for an Evil Count to enter a young lady's private rooms before she is dressed. Especially without knocking.

Oh my God if he throws her book out the window what does she do??? Does she go berserk? Does she BSOD? Does she quote him by rote how impolite that was??? Does she find a new copy in his library?

Or does it not come to that because there's no blood involved, so Dracula is more at his ease? Does Dracula recognize what a resource he has in her - not just a dialect coach but an Etiquette model? He does not want to stand out as a foreigner after all - the things she could teach him about pocket squares and exactly how to shake hands in the English fashion. What the most socially acceptable ways are to stalk pretty girls in Picadilly.

Rose has truly amazing powers o !!!!f persuasion as well. She seems almost preternaturally able to convince people who actively wish her ill to back down in the face of her Sweetness and Virtue. She might well be able to shame Dracula for his breaches of etiquette in such a way that he's like "oh sorry my bad" at least until he gets out of the room and is like .....wait a minute.

Now I am imagining Dracula doing his whole "It is a vile thing - an insult to friendship and hospitality" bit and Rose just going "no it isn't, look here on page 143, it says a maiden engaged to be married may send coded love notes to her paramour no more than twice a month, and only if the contents would still be within the rules of etiquette if spoken aloud" and Dracula has no idea what to do with this information. Rose would be so hurt by the implication that she was doing anything that might contravene her Rules of Etiquette.

Now all this is assuming that her book of etiquette actually does cover getting carried off by an Evil Foreign Count and/or Bad Baronet. Rose is not going to rules lawyer things in her favor - she will absolutely take actions against her own interest if they are prescribed by The Book, and she is not great at... contextualization. Or getting creative with it. She's following her book, not weaponizing it. Her survival is going to be entirely dependent on how well her book anticipates this precise situation, and how tolerant Dracula is of her innocently schooling him in this way.

But I guess it's all moot because when she gets to June 30th she's going to be politely waiting for the Calèche to come and then the Girlies will eat her. Maybe she's the blonde vampire that gets first dibs on unlabeled solicitors. I think she'd make a really great vampire, honestly. So she can probably last the two months, but not actually make it out alive.

Having reversed myself three times, I must sadly say that Sweet Rose Maybud can not survive Castle Dracula

#ruddigore #rose maybud #gilbert and sullivan #ingenues #opera and musicals

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tiredtxmblrvet · 2 months

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Fic rec friday!

Got this idea from @mediumgayitalian (thank you!)

Below are 5 fics I've enjoyed this past week/recently. (They're all solangelo)

FAR GALAXIES by @rosyredlipstick

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49263694

Summary:

She didn’t answer. Instead, she pulled out her PADD from her coat, slow enough that Nico only slightly twitched. Jason’s transmission was loaded up on the screen—at the bottom, their signature tag was spelled out. “Guardians of the Galaxy. That supposed to be a joke?” “More like an aspiration,” Jason said. - Space, the final frontier. Or whatever.

Rosy is still working on it, but when I tell you this is absolutely worth it. Nico is 1 part of the Guardians of the Galaxy, and him, along with Piper, Jason and Leo get into many shenanigans in their journey across the stars. I'm just obsessed with Will and Nico's dynamic in this. Rosy is just such an incredible writer, her fics will probably pop up in more of these if I'm being honest.

Solace by @solisaureus

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38228998

Summary:

solace (n.) comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness.

solis (n.) the Latin word for "sun."

I am an absolute sucker for fics that are "rewrites" of canon but that are Will Solace-centric, and when I tell you this absolutely delivers. I loved reading about Will's journey as a healer, how he deals with love and loss, it's just a beautiful fic!

i'm put in awe (of something so flawed and free) by CordeliaRose

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53629369

Summary:

Right. Well. Nico squares his shoulders, reminds himself that nobody’s perfect and this guy has to be ugly, and knocks on the door.

He is met with a Greek God, and forgets how to function.

|||

AKA: the archaeologist!Nico & trauma surgeon!Will AU.

If you're not familiar with Cordelia, they wrote the solangelo bible (AKA August) and are currently writing August(Will's version). However, they decided to bless us with this absolutely adorable Trauma Surgeon! Will and Archaeologist! Nico AU, and it's such a pleasant read. Will and Nico's dynamic is flirty and adorable, and the rest of the seven are such sweet friends to Nico. Plus Nico is autistic coded in this and I'm a sucker for that.

my lover's the sunlight by demigodbeauties

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30187689

Summary:

It’s his Olympic debut. In a few short hours, he’ll be the only man skating on the ice sitting before him. He’ll be skating in the Men’s Singles Short Programme and representing all of the United States. He’s in a city he hasn’t seen in years, skating a brand new set of routines, and he wants so desperately to win.

Figure Skater Nico di Angelo has a run in with Ice Hockey Player Will Solace. It doesn't go too smoothly, but then again - when does it ever?

Olympic Skater!Nico and Olympic Hockey player!Will. This story is warm and heartfelt, and the "enemies" part of the "enemies to lovers" tag is more misunderstanding than anything else. I felt myself wanting to cheer for Nico as he performed right there along Will, and #Solangelo even trends on twitter in this LOL.

Got a Pretty Face (Pretty Boyfriend, Too) by @buoyantsaturn

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33772453

Summary:

Was Will flirting with him? Or was this just his attempt at being a friendly neighbor? Either way, just to be safe, Nico should probably make it known that he’s off the market. Right? A casual mention of a boyfriend would work - he’d never had to let anybody down easy like that before, but he’d seen it in, like, movies. Thanks, I’ll see if my boyfriend is interested. Perfect. Now, he just had to say it.

Will moves from Austin to a small town in Texas, where he immediately takes up three jobs, and does not have the time to be flirting this much.

CJ never ceases to amaze and impress with their work, and this fic is no exception. I'm not normally one to read Leo/Nico, but I found I really enjoyed their dynamic in this fic, and the use of "sunshine" and "freckles" as nicknames for Will absolutely made me smile. Basically Nico and Leo live in Texas and Will works two jobs, and meets both Nico and Leo separately, and the two both start crushing on him. Shenanigans ensue. I adore this fic.

Okay that's all! I'll probably keep doing this until I run out of fics to recommend. Have a good friday lovelies!

#solangelo #nico di angelo #will solace #fic rec #solangelo fic rec #percy jackson #Percy jackson and the olympians #pjo

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singrate · 2 years

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The Nick Nelson Autism Master Post

Nick Nelson is autistic and here is why, love from me, who relates harder to him than any other fictional character ever and is very likely autistic myself:

(Note: I’m using evidence from the series, the comics and the novellas here, because there’s some stuff in Nick and Charlie that just screams autism to me.)

Special interests:

Rugby! This seems pretty obvious. He excels at it, it’s his thing, he keeps playing even when he doesn’t like his teammates, and this:

You cannot tell me that’s not an infodump.

Marvel and Formula One - these are only mentioned in passing, but I feel like they fit. Nick is 100% a Stucky shipper.

The Pirates of the Caribbean phase. Sidenote: for about three months after Heartstopper came out I had to watch it every few days or I just felt Wrong.

Sensory stuff:

The deep pressure hugs, especially when he’s stressed or very emotional.

That is sensory seeking behaviour if I’ve ever seen it.

In the series, he never wears his school jumper and rarely wears his blazer. Maybe he just runs hot, but he’s literally sitting in Form in February surrounded by people wearing coats and he’s just wearing a shirt. I think to Nick, the itchy/heavy uniform is a worse fate than being slightly cold.

“He likes the sound felt tips make on paper, rain and minimalism.” Hello???

There is something about his wardrobe. The sheer amount of sportswear and joggers. That’s a sensory thing. There has to be more to it than just that he’s a jock. There’s some bonus material in the back of Volume 2 where Alice has written: “Nick likes comfortable and sporty clothes more than anything. He’d wear joggers every day if he could!” I think maybe the texture/feel of his clothes matters a lot more to him than how they look.

Further to this, in the same bonus section: “Nick finds skinny jeans uncomfy to wear, so dressing up smart usually involves a pair of chinos or looser jeans.” Same vibes.

I also noticed he sticks to the same few brands of clothes, and to me the attachment to his Vans is a combination of autistic brand loyalty (also Carhartt and Adidas) and every other kind of shoe feeling wrong.

When he’s with Nellie, and especially when he’s stressed, he has her putting some of her weight on him. Pressure!!!

In the series he seems to be pretty particular about his hair and the pushing-it-off-his-forehead could be a stim.

He seeks darker/quieter spaces at Harry’s party - obviously this is partly because he just wants to be with Charlie but combine his room always being dimly lit (and don’t get me started on the fairy lights) and the “do you want to go somewhere quieter again?” in your head for me and tell me what conclusion you reach. He’s also visibly way more comfortable in said quieter places at the party.

Crossing his arms tightly like this. That's self-soothing and I will not be convinced otherwise because that's what I do.

In S01E08 when he went in the water with his shoes on I felt it in my bones and it made me want to cry but I think he prefers the horror of wet socks to the horror of Beach Textures.

General social things:

He talks about feeling like he doesn't fit in which is definitely a common trait of autism.

Also, when he’s talking to Imogen at the end of S01E05 it really seems like he planned that speech out in his head and practised it in his head in the shower multiple times. He was workshopping that monologue in his head while he walked to the park I’m telling you.

Masking:

When Sarah goes: “You seem much more yourself around him.” He feels safe & accepted enough to unmask in front of Charlie (and also Charlie is heavily autistic coded too).

Some of his humour, especially around his Year 11 friends - for example the way he says “Your mum” to Imogen when she asks who he’s texting seems like he’s imitating his friends to fit in.

He has a hard time lying. In S01E03 when he’s talking to Harry after the kiss and says “guess I was just in a mood” he is doing the screwed up face I do when I’m trying to lie to be polite.

Social cues/tone:

He doesn’t seem to make much eye contact with any characters except Charlie, who he makes pretty intense eye contact with.

There are a handful of moments in the series where he misinterprets the tone of people around him:

S01E01: The “small and weak” moment - he doesn’t pick up that it’s a joke and reacts self-consciously when Charlie points that out. That’s so me of him.

S01E07: His reaction to Charlie’s “he’s not even my type” comment. Not only did Nick’s face here make me want to cry slightly, it basically confirmed my Nick Nelson Autism Trutherism because he definitely misread what Charlie intended to be an inside joke as well as a deflection.

I’m sure there’s more that I’ll remember later

Both of the “her dog died” moments in S01E05 like are you kidding me.

Sitting on Charlie’s bed while soaking wet in S01E04. It’s not obvious to either of them that he probably shouldn’t do that.

That bit in S01E08 where he asks if Charlie wants to get lunch together. There is something so autistic about that moment and I can’t quite articulate it but it’s there.

There are moments when he comes off kind of blunt or abrupt when he obviously doesn't mean to, even towards Charlie, especially in S01E04 - on the rugby pitch and in the antiseptic wipes scene, for example, where he leaves super quickly after Isaac finds them. That scene always kind of upset me until I realised maybe why he's like that.

In Nick and Charlie when he just doesn’t pick up at all that Charlie’s upset about him going on about Leeds.

He struggles to identify and articulate how he feels and this is a theme in the first couple of volumes of the comics and Season 1.

In the bonus content at the end of Volume 2, there's also a bit about him having a massive t-shirt collection and not being able to get rid of them even when they don't fit him. Something about having empathy for inanimate objects and Collecting Things.

A collection of screencaps that also scream autism to me:

So basically if you've reached this point in the post and you're not convinced, I haven't done my job properly. You could probably give me any scene from the series and I could tell you how it contributes to my Nick is Autistic thesis.

Another note: I also think he has ADHD or at the very least struggles with executive function - doing his homework last-minute in the hallway, that bit in Nick and Charlie where he says he's shit at replying to text messages.

In summary, I love him and he's me, therefore he is autistic.

#nick nelson #heartstopper #heartstopper netflix #autism #neurodivergent #nick nelson is autistic fight me #nick nelson autism #charlie spring

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what-am-i-outside-my-google-tabs · 27 days

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You watch Bang Brave Bang Bravern and you ask yourself, how much of this was intentional and how much casual.

The girl in the box is an actual child. We see her grown up in the future, and her face and body changed, she is a child and she get adopted and watch cartoon and does not have a romantic relationship with one of the leads. But her body is still sexy, and in the beach episode she have a bikini and low waist jeans, and her tits giggle, and it is normal for tits to giggle, but was this fanservice for the classic mecha public, was it a critic to how these character are represented. She is a baby, but we see a shot of her ass, and we are not sure if the very cis very male director didn't do this scene as a consolation price to the men forced to draw oiled abs and men grinding on each others.

The CIA waterboard the protagonist, and it is a traumatic experience not even being saved and thanked can cancel out. There are two other waterboarding scenes after, one against a child and one against a giant robot. They both play comedically, because they both fail. It is just to show how the genre of the story changed, from real robot to super robot, or does it means more? Is it a critic to the system of torturing people to get information, because it will never function, and maybe waterboarding a giant robot will not get you anything, or is it just for laugh?

And you ask yourself, why are you asking these questions on a gay mecha anime, and well, i would not ask these questions if it was not a gay mecha anime.

It is a show decided to change genre three times and mix real robot and super robots in a gay romance that save the worls, and it is meant to be a love story to the old super robot genre, and to aks the question of why these type of stories exists. Maybe i should ask myself these questions.

They reference evangelion, but they are not able to give a woman character space, and you have no idea if it is for parody or for being unable to do it. There is an autistic fujoshi, and she is only an autistic fujoshi. There is the woman love the protagonist, and she save his life, but she is not important to the plot to she stay on the sideline. They tell you the military is not that bad, and you close your eyes to it because it is set in a not so far future and maybe things have changed, and than they give you two men singing a love song to each others shirtless.

And then the story tell you that the desire to die honorably, the very japanese feeling of getting out in a spectacle, is not good. It is actually what the evil guys want, to die honorably. You deserve to live, and you deserve to want to live. You can say no and hope in a future with the men you love. And if you want to live any diegetic explication for the super robot effects will disappear, and people will be able to transfer you the energy to resuscitate the commands and transform in the final gold form, and your hairs get longer and you can now defeat the final main guy, a giant angel created from the deaths of your other enemies. And since now everything does not need anymore to make sense, your partner is send to you again, for a third time, and you want to kill him for what he put you thought but you take his hand and the sky is blue and everyone is happy and the world is saved.

Where does the comedy end. Where do the serious thoughts start. How does the fanservice, and which kind of fanservice, control the plot. And it is a gay mecha show.

#bang brave bang bravern #i have so many thoughts about this serie is unreal

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my-autism-adhd-blog · 9 months

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Im asexual and trans and possibly aromantic, And im autistic as well, is it bad that i dont like having studies come out saying my queerness is likely because of my autism? Like im proud of being autistic, and im proud of my queerness, but it feels off for me to say one is caused by the other, i just am the way i am. Maybe im misunderstanding what these studies mean? (Also, i dont have a problem with people saying they themselves are one way due to autism, i know that can be comforting for some people)

I tend to get bad vibes when its an unknown source telling this information because it sometimes reminds me of people using ableism to try and tell me im "confused" but I'd love to hear more perspective cuz it doesnt seem to bother anyone else and it very well could just be me not understanding.

Hi there,

I’m sorry to hear that this makes you uncomfortable. I did some research myself, and it does seem like autistic individuals are more likely to be LGBTQ+. Here’s a visual from Neurodivergent Insights, I site I find reliable:

According to Neurodivergent Insights:

Autists are more likely to be non-heterosexual than the general population (Sarris, 2020). While 4.5% of general population identifies as LGB (Gallup poll), a rate of 15-35% within Autistic community identify as LGB (Sarris, 2020).

Autists are 2-3 times more likely to be LGB than the general population (Dr. Eileen Crehan quoted in Sarris 2020).

In a study involving approximately 630 individuals, 69.7% of Autistic individuals reported being non-heterosexual while only 30% of the TD group identified as being non-heterosexual (George and Stokes, 2018).

Several studies suggest Autistic men are more likely to be heterosexual than Autistic women (Dewinter et al., 2017; George and Stokes, 2018). For example, in a Dutch study, 57 percent of autistic women reported being straight while 82 percent of autistic men reported being straight (Dewinter et al., 2017).

Gender Diversity

A larger percentage of autists identify with something other than strictly male or female (bigender, genderqueer and “other”) (George and Stokes, 2018)

Warrier et al., 2021 found that transgender and gender-diverse adults were three to six times more likely to be autistic than cisgender adults. Notably, this only includes diagnosed Autists–and many adults on the spectrum may be undiagnosed. Based on the global population, Warrier et al.2021 estimate somewhere between 3-9% of transgender and gender-diverse adults may be autistic. To learn more specifically about GenderDiversity and Autism see my infographic about it here.

Non-Traditional Relationship Structure

Emerging research suggests Autists are less likely to engage in traditional relationship structures. They are more likely to be poly, practice consensual non-monogamy and kink (Gratton, 2019; Schöttle et. al., 2017).

ACE/ARO

Autists are more likely to be asexual and/or aromantic (Attanasio et al., 2021; George and Stokes, 2018)

In a studying involving 230 Autistic adults 30% indicated they experienced sexual experiences as unpleasant (Lai et al., 2011)

In a study by Dewinter et al., 2017 Autistic women were more likely to be asexual than autistic men

The article has the links to the sources of these studies if you want to read more:

It’s not bad that you don’t like studies like this. I can see where you’re coming from. I just wanted to share some information about it so there would be some more understanding about the studies.

I’m no doctor or professional, so I can’t say if autism is common with the LGBTG+ community. But there does seem to be some connection between the two in my opinion.

I hope this answers your question. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ❤️

#inbox #inbox reply #inbox is open

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eobarried · 10 months

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ok let’s talk about miguel o’hara because it needs to be done. i want to clarify that this is not a hate post or anti-miguel in any sense, but it is a critical analysis of his character and role in the spiderverse. if you don’t feel like you can read this right now, i suggest you like it/save it for later and read it when you feel like you can with an open mind

especially for anyone who’s a miguel enjoyer (i consider myself one as well) because if you really love his character, it’s important to understand why his character was created and what a great narrative tool it is! anyway-

miguel o’hara is, allegorically, a bigot.

now - let’s unpack and clarify that. miguel is allegorically a bigot - his character is used to represent a certain, specific type of bigotry we see in real life. notice how i’m saying “bigot” and not “racist” - because despite the memes, i don’t think miguel’s hatred of miles is rooted in antiblackness. i think it’s rooted in something a little more complicated, which is why i’m using the term bigotry. but this can be a little confusing, so let’s start from the beginning. or, at least, the most important part.

the canon.

i want you to really think about the word used here - canon. hearing that word should break the fourth wall for you, just like hearing “he’s got hammerspace!” should have earlier in the movie - or discussions different characters have surrounding their distinct art styles. it’s meant to break the fourth wall and draw attention to itself. specifically, the use of the word canon here is meant for us to take a step back from the in-universe events (treating the characters as “real” people and looking at events logically) and instead think of the spiderman story and mythos.

spiderman, as a story, has been told over and over again. we, as an audience, are deeply familiar with this story, as we’ve seen it as a live-action blockbuster in no less than three separate franchises. that’s not even mentioning all the cartoon adaptations, and of course the comic runs. adhering to a specific formula surrounding the story makes sense. when someone walks into a spiderman movie, they have certain... expectations. that no matter what version of spiderman this is, that they follow certain story beats and adhere to certain rules as they follow along in their journey. miguel, when explaining this to miles, focuses on said story beats (which i’ll get to in a second), but there’s something that’s way more important than specific plot points that we need to address here.

and that’s theme.

theme (if you’re not an english literature person), is basically something you take away from the story. it’s usually a moral, idea, or concept that can be applied to the world around you, and helps you learn more about yourself, society, culture, or history. all stories have themes - usually they have multiple. so let’s get into it.

the original spiderman comic was notable in several ways. the thing that made spiderman so popular and successful is that he was the first (notable) teenage superhero that wasn’t a part of a greater team. spiderman wasn’t a sidekick that was written in to appeal to an audience of children. he was a teenager himself - but he was no less competent or strong than the (mostly adult) villains he fought.

and not only was spiderman a kid - he was the kid. he was a nerd. he was an older white teen, yes - but he represented the type of person who would go out and buy a comic book more than any other hero at the time. before he became spiderman, peter parker was just kind of a geek. at the time (the 60s) this still identified him as an outcast. peter was socially awkward, not good with girls, he didn’t have many friends, and he was bullied consistently. the only thing he was good at was science, basically. we can connect peter’s original portrayal to many legitimately marginalized groups - specifically those that might be autistic and impacted by ableism. to those kids reading that comic, they saw a hero that represented them.

and how does peter represent them? what does spiderman teach these children by reading these comics? the original spiderman is the story of a man who, by chance, was granted the opportunity for greatness - to become an integral part of his community. spiderman uses his skills (both those granted to him by the spider, but also those that he inherently has, such as his skills with science and engineering), in order to prove his worth and merit. it’s lonely, the road he has to walk - he can’t tell his friends and family who he is, lest they become victims like uncle ben - or lest they betray him. he can only rely on himself and his own knowledge in order to protect his community. the themes we draw from spiderman are this: luck can strike at any time, but you need to use your own strength and intelligence to pull yourself up afterwards, no matter how hard things get. no matter how many people you lose.

that’s what miguel believes spiderman is about. this original spiderman story is that of the american dream. of a youth who is ostracized by society (for whatever reason), but is still able to use their own merit to overcome the obstacles placed in front of them and the grief and pain they face on their path to greatness. it’s a hard and lonely path, but miguel values anyone who has the bravery to face it.

so why does he hate miles?

because he didn’t do it alone. because miles doesn’t believe in the traditional american dream.

if you want to read more about that, check out my analysis comparing spider-society and visions academy over here (it’s not as in-depth as i would like it to be, but it gets the job done) but basically: miles believes that every person deserves greatness. he states it very clearly when talking to his dad about how he won the lottery to go to visions: he just got lucky. he feels as if he took an opportunity away from someone else. why is it just given to him, when anyone else at brooklyn middle is just as deserving of an amazing education? when these resources should be put to use to uplift his whole community, not just miles alone?

miles brings that same energy as a spider-person. he’s not just an anomaly because his spider was from a different dimension. he’s an anomaly because he had a mentor. not only a mentor - he had a whole clan of spider-people there for him. while peter b parker and the crew weren’t always very good allies for miles, they still wanted him to succeed. each spider-person was an outcast - not in the same way as miles, but they were eager to describe what miles needed to master in order to keep himself safe as a crime-fighter. although they weren’t always supportive, it wasn’t because they were “gatekeeping” - it’s because they were worried miles might hurt himself. to them, he hadn’t put in the work on his own, and because he hadn’t proven himself as a spider-person in isolation, they thought there was no way he could be successful as a spider-person during a very high-risk mission.

however, miles proves them wrong. it’s true that miles has to pull upon his own inner strength, but he also pulls on wisdom from those that mentored him - his father, his uncle aaron, peter parker, and peter b parker. as well as love and support from his community. miles became spiderman - but not in isolation. he had help, and support, and love - always - that helped him succeed.

because spiderman - in all universes - represents success in america. in the original comics, spiderman is able to overcome his status as an outcast in order to help his city. he now has great power - a potential allegory related to wealth and social or political status. he uses that power in order to protect the community he loves (nyc) as they can’t all protect themselves.

now let’s bring it back. miguel. right.

miguel has already made his mark as a spiderman. although we know he broke canon, it wasn’t related to him becoming spiderman. we can assume that miguel still went through serious struggle and trauma to get to where he’s at. and now, through thematic analysis, we know that becoming spiderman represents success in america.

so, miguel’s dislike of miles, thematically, connects to how older generations may believe that younger generations “have it too easy” or “don’t put in the same effort.” it’s the (mainly capitalistic) ideal that in order to succeed, it has to be in isolation, without outside help. we can infer that miguel is not only upset that miles didn’t do things “canonically” - but that he is afforded success that miguel doesn’t think he deserves. miguel believes that in order to succeed in america, one needs to do it on their own, and suffer in order to succeed. no “hand-outs,” no support, no community outreach. it’s a very rigid capitalistic standard - which is why i called it “bigoted.” miguel is still a marginalized figure - and it’s important that miguel is the one stating the viewpoint, not a white spiderman. because this isn’t a white vs black storyline. miguel’s dislike of miles is specifically a sort of generational, inter-community bigotry.

for someone who hasn’t experienced it - think of it like hazing. you join a new sports team. the senior players say “you carry the equipment out and clean everything after the game.” you ask “why? can’t we all just do it together? aren’t we supposed to be a team?” and they say “no. you’re the new guys. hard work builds character. deal with it.”

alright. so we took a look at canon through a meta-story lens. now let’s pull it back even further.

so, miguel’s ideology. he adheres firmly to canon, a series of events that cannot (or, should not), change. if we apply that to our lives, that sounds a lot like predestination. destiny. fate. let’s call it predestination for now - you’ll see why in a minute.

now, a belief in predestination makes sense. it can bring a lot of people comfort, thinking that horrible events are out of their hands, and often times it can be harmless to believe in predestination in these instances. for example: someone who blames themselves for not being able to say goodbye to a loved one who died suddenly. if this person believes in predestination, it might ease some of their pain and guilt to know that there was nothing they could do - that it was the will of some higher power that their loved one is gone, and that there was nothing they could do to prevent it. some individuals might find comfort in knowing that they are not to blame for the work of the universe.

however, predestination can also be malicious. thinking that things are the will of the universe, or the will of god... that’s been used for some pretty fucked up stuff in the past. in a more moderate (and topical) example - royalty. many kings used the concept of predestination to explain why they deserved the crown. their bloodline was chosen by god himself - that’s why they’re powerful (compare to spider-people and their success. if they are also predestined for their spider-bite, doesn’t that make them akin to monarchs?)

in more nefarious examples, predestination can be used to subjugate and oppress others. predestination was used in ancient indian society in order to justify the caste system - utilizing the hindu concept of karma to justify why certain members of society were mistreated and oppressed. in a more american sense, predestination was often used as a way to justify both slavery and segregation. originally, slavers tried to justify that god wanted black individuals to serve as slaves because it was his will. later, when divine intervention fell out of fashion, they attempted to use eugenics to justify that black individuals were simply born inferior - that it was just science, and that there was nothing they could do about it.

that’s the other reason it’s called canon. the original usage of the word was to refer to the books of the bible that the church recognized as legitimate. it ties back to faith and religion.

now, religion, faith, and even the belief in fate itself - are not inherently bad. miguel’s belief in predestination doesn’t make him a bad or bigoted person inherently. however, the way he forces other to believe and adhere to it is. it’s very likely that miguel became so attached to the canon in order to justify why his wife and daughter died - in order to remove his own accountability for their passing and instead place the blame on some higher power. this belief snowballed out of control, however - and now influences his jealousy and distaste for miles and his way of life.

because forcing a canon - a story - on miles, is wrong. when miguel tells miles that his father must die, that he has to adhere to canon - that’s a horrible thing to say to a young black boy. to tell him that in order to be successful as a marginalized individual (to be spiderman) that he has to lose the last black male role model he has? it’s heinous! it’s akin to telling miles that in order to succeed, he has to cut ties with part of his culture. which does happen to young marginalized people in america. they are told that in order to be successful, they have to leave their culture, community, and support system behind.

it’s especially sinister when looking at it from the point of view of storytelling. when looking at it from that angle, miguel is basically telling miles that in order for his story - the story of a young black boy - to be profitable, he has to go through even more trauma and loss. it’s similar to what his guidance counselor mentions when discussing how miles should write his college entrance essay - that he should lie, and emphasize that he struggles while growing up, and that his support system was unstable. it’s the traditional story of a struggling black boy - which i discuss more here when talking about earth 42 miles and his inclusion in the spiderverse.

miguel’s bigotry is centrally tried to his idea of what american society expects of marginalized individuals who were able to achieve their dreams despite it all. a story of pain and struggle. one where they were able to - only through their own strength and intelligence, and maybe with a little bit of luck - pull themselves up, and quietly work towards their own success.

miguel’s belief in the american dream and predestination not only influences his treatment of miles, but also his creation of spider-society. now, let me be frank: miguel, in this franchise, is not supposed to represent someone who created systematic oppression. he’s simply one of the people who believed in bigoted ideals and allowed those ideals to influence his decisions. because when miguel created spider-society, it basically became an elitist isolation chamber. spider-society is located in a huge tower on miguela’s earth. the tower is so tall and imposing on the utopian landscape, there’s no way that miguel is able to properly support his own community as spiderman - he’s not worried about what happens to his own community. especially once we learn that a good portion of them live underground, where miguel can’t even see them. even if he wasn’t occupied with anomalies at all times, there’s no way he could even connect with nueva york around him.

the same can be said of all the spider-people in headquarters. they’re not even in their home dimensions. how can they possibly support their communities when they have isolated themselves as far away as they could literally be? it parallels how successful individuals often treat their communities in reality - what do wealthy people usually do at the first sign of their wealth? they build a huge mansion to get away from it all. many times in our capitalist society, wealthy and successful people abandon the communities they should be supporting.

miguel represents that. he is a successful, powerful person, who decided to focus only on other successful, powerful people like him. marginalized people who achieved the american dream on their own. people who, instead of uplifting others, instead tear down those who don’t fit into their “mold.” who are successful in their own right, but don’t hold the same ideals and values that they do. who aren’t the model example of marginalized success in the eyes of the (white) american “audience.”

miguel is a product of a great problem within society. while he partakes and perpetuates bigotry, that doesn’t mean that he’s irredeemable. the narrative shows that miguel is a broken man. if we think about to the end credits scene from itsv, where he calls his dimensional travel bracelet a “goober” - he wasn’t always so hateful. he wasn’t always like this. he can un-learn his bigotry and he isn’t completely lost. the way that he discusses his ideas - it’s clear that he knows that there are flaws in them, just as other spider-people consistently point out. he can be changed and improved - just like our real leaders and role models can be changed and improved. miguel is not without saving - but it’s important to remember that he does need to be saved.

#Spiderverse #across the spiderverse #across the spider-verse spoilers #into the spider verse #miguel o'hara #meta analysis

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chaz-is-my-roman-empire · 3 months

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Autistic Chase Headcannon

This man was SO autism coded it's insane.

(please remember that I myself am Autistic and Adhd so this is coming from someone with autism, adhd and tics. Also Chase is a fictional character and I can hc whatever I want about him)

Since Donald was kind of a dick and absent father, especially in the beginning, Chase's autism went undiagnosed for a long while. Finally, he decided to diagnose himself since he's the smartest man in the world, and he didn't need some doctor trying to test him to see if he's autistic.

Since he has super hearing, he is really sensitive to loud noises, more than most people are. Alarms of any kind often lead to a meltdown. One time all the fire alarms in the house went off at once while he was home alone and Bree and Adam came home to him crying on the floor.

He definitely has tics, and they get worse when he's tired, stressed, or nervous. They're often subtle and come in the form of clicking his tongue, jerking his head, blinking, or tapping his fingers. He does have some more prominent tics, which are often vocal tics. His tics get really bad when he stays up late or when he's worried about a mission. Unfortunately some of his vocal tics sound like insults and sass and Adam can't always differentiate tics from Chase being actually mean.

There are three kinds of meltdowns with Chase:

The one where he's crying on the floor because he feels like he's broken and his life is falling apart.

The one where he gets a little bit evil and starts snapping at people without meaning to, and that sometimes leads to him crying on the floor feeling like a piece of shit because he can't control himself.

Spike. While the commando app often activated when chase appears annoyed, it's actually him being so low on spoons that he just turns evil at any minor inconvenience.

When he can't do something right for the first time he loses his mind and decides to never try it again. He sees himself as a failure for not being able to fold paper stars. When he fails a simple task, he starts wondering if he's worthy of being team leader if he can't even complete a single simple task

He is very visually oriented. He loves looking at visual stimuli. He has several stim toys that are just cool to look at. (Kaz thinks they're boring because they don't make any noise.) He likes the look of fireworks but ABSOLUTELY HATES the sound.

He stims a lot. When hes excited he stims a lot with his hands, and occasionally does an excited dance. He also does an aggressive smile when he's happy. When he's annoyed he tends to make a whiny noise which most people don't recognize as him stimming to regulate himself. He doesn't have too many vocal stim, he used to but was made fun of for having weird ones.

He is very texture oriented when it comes to everything. He wears so many flannels, but they have to be the same fabric as each other. He likes the fabric that they're made out of and doesn't like flannels with different fabrics. He tends to eat the same foods over and over because he knows exactly what they're going to be like. He doesn't like trying new foods because texture can be unpredictable. He tends to not like mushier textures, slimy textures, grainy textures, or sticky textures. He's very particular.

Noises have textures to him. He doesn't like sounds that feel crunchy. He doesn't like loud booming sounds because the texture feels wrong on his ears.

If he didn't have a capsule, he would have to sleep with the same blankets and pillows every night and someone taking one of his comfort items would send him into unease and a possible meltdown.

He obviously doesn't understand social cues. First of all, he grew up in a basement, second of all, autism. So he never really knows when it's his turn to speak or when he's been talking for too long. He can't tell when what he's talking about is boring other people.

He hyperfixates very easily and will slip into this state of being unable to do anything but what he's focusing on. He once coded for 27 hours when left alone, and the others came back to a very jittery, dehydrated and tired Chase who had to be dragged away from the lab.

Since he knows pretty much everything, it's hard for him to have just one special interest. He fixates on anything that interests him, and knows pretty much everything.

#chase davenport #autism #autistic Chase Davenport #lab rats #lab rats elite force #kaz mighty med #chaz is my roman empire #kaz

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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AITA for being mad at my dad for getting married without telling me (and for learning this information by reading my mom's diary?)

My (20NB) parents got divorced when I was six, my brother and I stayed in our home country with our mom and my dad moved to the US. My mom always tried her best, but nevertheless she was... not a very good mom. She was always busy with work (raising two disabled kids by yourself isn't easy after all) so when she came home she was always tired and angry and would yell at us, break our toys, etc. She also had a very strict and discipline focoused parenting style which, combined with me being autistic and her finding that unacceptable, didn't make for a very happy experince growing up. She has worked on her issues a lot and we get along much better these days, but I still can't trust her with most things.

My dad is a diffrent story. He honestly can be very selfish and irresponsible a lot of the time. He was never around even when they were married, he didn't pay child support afterwards (even though he was financially in a much better situation than my mom), and also might have cheated on my mom at some point (I'm not sure?) He would come and visit us two or three times a year, and he was my favourite parent when I was a kid, because unlike my mom he was actually nice to us and would take us to the park and bring us nice toys and candy and stuff we couldn't find in our own country. But he also always had very high expectations of me and put me under a lot of pressure to sucseed, even though he never actually did his job as a parent and basically tried to buy our affection with vacations and gifts. We still keep in touch regularly, but I don't tell him anything important about my life.

Both of my parents also always had a habit of hiding important stuff from me. They didn't actually tell me they were getting a divorce until three years after it happened. They also never told me about the autism diagnosis I got when I was five, leaving me to find this out myself by digging through my medical records (I knew I was autistic beforehand, but didn't know I was already formally diagnosed.) There are many more examples, but these are the big two that come to mind. As a result I developed a habit of not trusting what my parents told me and always snooping around to try and find out yhings on my own. Recently I had an inkling that my dad might have gotten married in the US. There were a lot of signs: my dad at one point saying that his marital status "had nothing to do" with my mom, my mom constantly aluding to some sort of secret my dad was keeping, my dad calling someone on the phone when he was with us and using names like "love" and "sweetie" for that person... a few fays ago I was alone at home and saw my mom's diary, and even though I knew it was wrong, couldn't resist the urge to read it in search for some answer. And... yep. My dad's married. He's been married for more than a year, and my mom knew. He never bothered to bring it up for more than a year. And, frankly, I'm pissed. I'm so upset and angry. And I'm also angry at myself, because obviously my dad is allowed to marry whoever he wants and it's none of my business. But... he never told us. And I wish he had. I wish I had gotten a chance to meet or at least talk to his new wife, instead of getting this information suddenly dumped on my head like this. He never was a real dad, and yet he has such high expectations of me, to the point that I chose my major with only one goal to make him proud of me... and yet he couldn't care enough about me to mention once, in the past year, that he was married. And I feel extra horrible about myself because, like, I blatently ignored my mom's privacy by reading her diary. I don't know what to do, I feel like I can't trust anyone about anything anymore, and I don't know if I should tell anyone about the fact that I know this (or tell my brother about our dad being married). I just feel so full of hurt and rage, and I know I shouldn't feel like this cause I'm not entitled to my dad's life, and I know it's my own fault for readimg something I shouldn't have. So... am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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