#rambling with joy

[thebibliosphere]

One of the really fun and interesting things about writing a polyamorous romance as someone who is ambiamorous/polyamorous is finding new ways to make sure the narrative hits the expected genre beats without just sort of... mushing it into a pre-existing monogamous romance mold, which is what I'm afraid happens a lot of the time.

Trust me, it was my job in the publishing house to make them fit that mold. I hated it.

Reading other poly-centric romances, I can always somewhat tell when someone is writing polyamory from a sexual fantasy aspect (zero shade; I'm here for all the group sex) without actually considering how it functions as a relationship dynamic, which can often come off as... well.

It's lacking for me as a romance.

Erotica-wise, it's fine. But it misses the romantic beats for me that I want as a polyamorous-leaning person.

There's so much emphasis on the polycule and never the individual dyads within the larger relationship.

For example, in a triad, there are actually four relationships to handle.

The dyad between A + B. The dyad between A + C. The dyad between B + C. And the overarching relationship between A + B + C.

With monogamous-leaning authors or authors that've been pressed into conforming to the pre-existing genre beats, there's a tendency to treat the relationship as a homogenous mass where everything is fair and equal, and you treat all your partners the exact same way.

And I get it. It's easier to write everything as peachy-keen and to have external conflict be resolved with either acceptance or a brave confrontation.

But it doesn't always land for me as someone who wants to see my style of love represented in the genre.

In healthy polyamory, either closed or open, each relationship is unique in its own way. Taking the example of a triad again, the way A acts with C likely differs from how A acts with B.

And that's a good thing!

Because C might not want the same things as B, so trying to treat them both the exact same is a surefire way to make sure someone isn't getting their needs met, and that will lead to conflict.

Polyamory isn't striving for equality between partners but rather equity.

What are your individual needs, and how do I meet them, as well as meet the needs of my other partner(s)? What do you want from the larger relationship as a whole? How do we accommodate everyone without making someone feel neglected or uncomfortable? How do we show this in the narrative? How do we make sure character A isn't just treating B the same as C in every interaction? Do they ever fall into that pitfall? How do they remedy it?

It seems like common sense when you write it out like that, but it's a major pitfall I see time and time again. The characters never alternate their approach between partners, if there's any focus on the individuals at all.

The other major telltale thing I've noticed is that taking time to be with one partner is seen as a step down from the "goal" of the greater polycule.

The narrative is framed in such a way that they might start out with individual dates, but the end goal of the romance is to eventually be together 100% of the time all the time, and wanting individual time alone with any one partner is somehow "lesser."

Which is the goal of romance in monogamy, but it's not the goal of romance in polyamory.

Granted, you do need to end on a Happy Ever After or Happy For Now for it to fit the genre requirement. And a nice way of tying that up is to have everyone together at the end as a happy polycule all together all at once. I'm not disputing that as a narrative tool. I'm just pointing out that there's a tendency to present those moments as the sum total of the relationship when in actuality, there are multiple relationships that need to end happily ever after.

The joy of polyamorous love is the joy of multitudes. It's the joy of experiencing new things, both as individuals and as a polycule. If you're not taking care of the individual dyads, however, your polycule is going to crash and burn. You cannot avoid that. So why, then, is there such avoidance of it in stories meant to appeal to us?

Is it simply inexperience on behalf of the author? Or is it that they're not actually being written for us? Is it continued pressure to meet certain genre beats in a largely monogamous-centric genre? All of the above?

Either way, I'm having fun playing around with it and doing all the things we were warned against in the publishing house.

I'm having fun with Nathan and Vlad enjoying their own private dynamic that is theirs and theirs alone. I'm having fun with Ursula and Nathan being so careful and vulnerable around each other. I'm absolutely 100% here for the chaos of Vlad and Ursula without a chaperone. And I'm here for the chaos of Vlad and Ursula together and Nathan's fond, loving eye roll as he trails after them, too enamored to tell either of them no because where would the fun in that be...

Anyway. Don't mind me. Just getting my thoughts out while everyone else is in bed.

#long post #rambling with joy #I see so many interesting stories just sort of... neglect the dyads in the end #and it makes me sad #I wish it happened less

[your-queer-dad]

Hey you. Yes you. You have been through enough, you hear me? You. Have. Been. Through. Enough.

The world has treated you shittily, you go through enough, don't do that do yourself too. Be decent to yourself, kiddo. We've only got one of you and it's the best one we have :]

I love you, I'm proud of you, go make yourself a beverage of your choice and be a little more decent to yourself today <3

- dad x

#lgbt #finch rambles #lgbtq #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #queer positivity #trans joy #trans kids #teen mental health #youth mental health #actually mentally ill #mental health

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.

#or just the moral dilemmas #rewatching amc interview is kind of making me insane #that moment in episode two when louis is looking for a sort of assurance in the fact that lestat may actually have some good in him #look at how he cares about music look at the simple wondrous things that can bring him joy #and then the immediate dread when the opera performance turns out to be imperfect because he knows how lestat will react to *that* #I think there’s also something really interesting in the highlighting of lestat upbraids the less skilled singer before killing him #(slowly) #but also I will wait to watch more before I articulate my thoughts #vampires #interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #i ramble sometimes #I do still find the lestat and claudia film and novel dynamic by far the most compelling for how she tries to usurp him but almost to be him #but I’m enjoying this #I’m very curious if I will like show claudia more on rewatch #the movie always resonated most with me (sue me lol) because there seemed to be more simultaneous fondness and attachment even at the end

[aintnopartylikeaprideparty]

as someone who has experienced abuse from someone with a personality disorder, it's actually incredibly easy to not dehumanize everyone with a personality disorder. i've seen people do borderline eugenic rhetoric surrounding people who have npd, aspd, bpd or other personality disorders, and then be like "I'M allowed to say these things because i'm a survivor, and if you disagree you are hurting abuse victims."

and frankly? i'm tired of it. as an abuse survivor i'm here to say that you're NOT allowed to turn into a fucking eugenicist the moment you're hurt by someone with a personality disorder.

does hurting and belittling other people who happen to have the same disorder as your abuser, people that are already suffering and that are already looked down on by society, bring you any healing? does it bring you peace?

Being hurt by someone isn't an excuse to hurt others that you feel justified in lashing out on. you're literally in control of your own actions,

you may claim to be making a safe space for abuse survivors, but i will never feel any solidarity with you, and i ESPECIALLY don't feel safe with you considering i might have a personality disorder.

you are excluding a large amount of abuse survivors in the name of "advocacy". a lot of people with personality disorders developed one or multiple due to heavy abuse. in the aim of creating a safe space, you are excluding the ones who need a safe space the most.

#npd #aspd #bpd #avpd #ocpd #hpd #spd #ppd #dpd #stpd #trauma #abuse mention #ableism #abuse survivor #i'm sorry this is so rambly i'm tired AAAAAA #i wish i was better at articulating my points bc i have so much to say on this😔 #i've felt this for awhile but felt to make this after seeing a particularly bad post that claimed everybody with npd and/or aspd is a- #-monster who can't feel emotions and only gets joy out of abusing others #if you think THAT'S bad i'm leaving out MANY details from the post that i don't want to get into #personality disorder #max speaks

[ionlytalktodogs]

Hot take but canes are not a limited resource. Most mobility aids aren’t but canes especially. Canes are $20 at a lot of stores like CVS, Walmart, etc. You aren’t taking that resource away from “real” disabled people (hint: you ARE a real disabled person) in fact buying more canes creates more demand and works to make more stores carry them for better prices. You aren’t faking being disabled or hurting disabled people, you’re working to make canes more accessible which is helping disabled people.

Get the cane.

#I'm endlessly advocating for ppl to get canes #they can be so helpful #and what's the worst thing that could happen? you try it and it doesn't help? #ok sure you wasted $20 but you could donate it to someone who needs it and can't afford it! #what's the downside. #just get a cane. #it improved my life tenfold #just do it #disabled #disability #physical disability #cane user #mobility aid #mobility aids #disabled pride #disabled joy #10k #15k #my ramblings

[your-subby-creature]

Tdick is literally a gift from the gods. You agree wholeheartedly and with gusto.

#low energy creatureposting #Creature Originals #creature rambles #turns out that freud paper isnt due until next week so i can stop losing my mind!! joy of joys #also idk if my tdick grew again or what but that little guy is really living his best life #hes so...omnipresent and sensitive #straight vibing and vibin #if you will #trans bd/sm #ftm kink #ftm sub #trans sub #queer bd/sm #trans ns/fw #trans nsft #ftm nsft #tdick #bd/sm kink #transmasc nsft

[turrondeluxe]

always happy about the fact that in 2012, mikey often asked donnie questions if he didn't understand something and donnie always answered no matter what

this can be seen in a bunch of episodes but my favorite example of it it's the one in half shell heroes where mikey is extremely excited to be in the museums and is the one actively asking donnie questions about the exhibits they saw and also actively listening to donnie's explanation (before raph got silly lmao). he was very excited to learn!!!

And while it's true that mikey would lose interest quite fast if the explanation got too lengthy with too many technical terms, it doesn't change the fact that he does retain the info donnie is always rambling on about different things!!! (even if mikey himself doesn't notice he's doing it lol) and also i find it very sweet that no matter if donnie himself got annoyed, donnie would always answer the questions. no matter what. he would always try to explain if he didn't understand something

This is prob because mikey is the one brother who is often seeking out donnie to pass time around him Meaning that donnie might have used mikey as his rubber ducky whenever mikey hangs out with him while he's working (explained him a lot of his experiments and theories while trying to solve them himself and in this way mikey also learnt in the process WHILE spending time with his brother! win win!)

it also helps donnie because accompanies him while not letting him get lonely in his lab 24/7, sometimes explaining things to someone makes it better to understand it yourself AND it's shown in the comics that donnie is quite used to his brothers just Living as background noise and literally cannot function without it lmao

They are literally the two smart kids in the family even if none of them notice it and it's all because mikey looks up to his brother and is like an sponge with donnie around. donnie is actively teaching mikey and mikey is learning! even if they have no idea they are doing it

#fer silly twt rambling #i wasnt going to post it here but i think yall will like this one lol #STEM KIDS!! #they mean so much to me #literally is so important to me that donnie; if not stressed the fuck out by a lot of things going on; would always explain calmly to mikey #thats his only little brother!!! hes thoughts are prob 'if mikey asks i must answer. im such a cool older bro' #makes my heart warm with joy #ALSO #mikey looks up to don and wants to do the same things as don does based on how he mimics him in that one ep where donnie is silly goofy #i need an ep of 2012 b team visiting museums and being happy and excited about learning #the b in b team stands for best friends!!! #tmnt #tmnt 2012 #tmnt mikey #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt donnie #tmnt donatello

[baileyjayy1]

If I unveil this present 🎁 will you suck it?🍆

#trans diaper #trans awareness #transp #trans problems #vehicle transport #asshole research transport #trans pregnancy #trans poetry #trans joy #transblr #transgender #transsexual #trans sub #trans selfie #trans stuff #trans babe #trans bd/sm #trans bear #mtf trans #trans main character #trans questions #trans week #trans lesbian #trans rambles #trans t4t #trans rights #trans tape #trans gamer #trans happiness #trans kink

[ben-learns-smth]

being in your twenties is like [making a nice meal just for yourself] [trying a new hobby] [baking a cake because you want to] [moving in with your best friends] [celebrating small wins] [dreaming up a billion future versions of yourself] [long distance friendship phone calls] [trying new styles] [finding the people you can sit and do nothing with] [having your favourite dishes for dinner] [getting piercings] [trying a new recipe] [finding the people to do kitchen karaoke with] [choosing yourself over and over again] [dinner picnics in the park] [celebrating the big wins] [finding the people to go on day trips with] [learning a new language] [finally getting that one tattoo you've been daydreaming about] [being a regular at a cosy café] [learning how to be your own ally] [dyeing your hair late at night with a friend] [painting your walls] [creating a life you enjoy experiencing]

#saw the early twenties post that's like this on my dash and felt like there needs to be a version with a little less despair #the despair is real especially in the early twenties but the growth and the joy is real too #dw you're not running out of time #mine #studyblr #bente rambles #a list of happy things #knife gang

[umbrvx]

a villain’s journey

#scum villain's self saving system #svsss #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #finally read through the official localization.... it sent me right back to where i was when i first got into mxtx in 2019 #back then my art was kind of in a transitional period so even though mxtx had me making art like crazy i didnt like much of it #and nowadays my mxtx tl on twt has all but vanished... but once again these books have rejuvenated me creatively #and i feel like ive progressed enough to do justice for how these stories make me feel. and properly scratch that creative itch #anyways. i hardly ever ramble in tags like this but im so emo about these books and i finally feel creative again #so i hope this is able to spread that joy...! sort of. ehe

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

Stolas’ happy hopping: then vs now

#Vivziepop #Helluva Boss #Helluva Boss Stolas #Stolas #Stolas Goetia #Prince Stolas #Fave Character #Parallels #Gif Set #My Gif Set #Personal Rambles #Despite everything some things never change #The fact that some people in the notes refer to him as autistic brings me so much joy you guys have no idea! **

[thebibliosphere]

I just woke up from a very intense and realistic dream about getting trapped inside a new, futuristic Disney resort (I think we were on Mars) with my family, where you as a guest were part of the “experience” for wealthy guests who wanted to experience the “fun” of being around “normal people.”

Air quotes courtesy of a perky Disney rep who had a tendency to talk entirely in air quotes.

You still paid to go there, but in doing so you had to sign a contract saying you agreed to act and talk a certain way when people wearing purple arm bands showed up so they could experience what life was like for “poor people.” but in an extremely sanitized and Disney-friendly way that would make them happy. Like historical reenactment but as part of an ongoing class warfare.

It was also becoming blatantly obvious that the non-Mouse character actors we’re being picked off and hunted for sport by the wealthy patrons, and that said character actors were forming an underground resistance.

My first inkling of this was the purple flowers left behind on sites where characters were “found.” Followed by notes written on lamp posts in purple ink that caught the sunlight as the light was fading on Main Street about “keeping your chin up.” (Robin Hood reference???)

You’d just be walking down the pristine streets and you’d see purple flowers on the ground, sometimes accompanied by candles. One time I turned around to see a Mickey standing behind me, waiting to see what I’d do about it, so I stepped over the flowers like they weren’t there and kept walking. Later, A character who I *think* was meant to be Jasmine slipped and stumbled into me, her hand dipping briefly into my pocket. Later, when it was deemed safe, I found a purple origami flower in my pocket, which upon unfolding revealed the message, “The mouse has eyes. Blind them.”

Later, I was running through a desert, deeply aware that I needed to find water, or else the Mouse would get me. All the while It’s A Small World After All kept blaring through the speakers of my helmet as a form of psychological torture.

It felt like West World meets Mad Max set against the sanitized and unnatural ideal of candy-cotton-scented Americana and nostalgia that only exists in the dreams of tyrants and the type of people who “wish they were alive in the 50’s so they could dress nice and go out for milkshakes.”

Also I’m pretty certain I killed Goofy.

#rambling with joy #dreams #realized this morning that I forgot to take my MCAS meds #so who knows #lmao

[your-queer-dad]

How many trans women does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, and you don't even need a light bulb. Just tell her she's a pretty lady and she will light up the room for you.

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #finch rambles #trans #transgender #queer positivity #trans joy #trans kids #aqueerjokeaday #trans femme #trans feminine #trans feminism #trans rights #trans women i love you #trans women positivity

[cheebuss]

Team Fourtrees 2 except Redclan Spoovy doodles... not canon for the AU or anything but life could be a dream...

#cheez rambles #my art #fanart #fandom character #my design #team fourtrees 2 #tf2 heavy #tf2 spy #spoovy #team fortress 2 #warriors #warrior cats #// their ship name is so so silly it brings me great joy #// I simply think they would get along #// bottom-right is them both watching RED Scout kibby absolutely fuck up the ambush and get rolled by Blueclan's patrol oopsie #russian roulette #<- OH THATS THEIR SHIP NAME LOL

[lets-all-calm-down-a-bit]

i love asexual people. i love trans people. i love aromantic people. i love gnc people. i love neo pronoun users. i love multi-gendered people. i love people who personalize the human experience

#i love all you little alphabet people #just needed to make a post about these guys specifically real quick #colby rambles #queer #trans joy #asexuality #asexual #aromantic #gnc #neo pronouns #multigender #transgender

[sylvies-kablooie]

i do think pokemon AUs work for literally anything. you think to yourself "this character needs an elemental beast to be friends with" and every single time you're correct.

#and then you get to go through the hundreds of creatures and decide which type combinations go with your guy #and if your blorbo would pick only one type or make a strategic battle team or collect a bunch of strays #and if they would battle or just hang out and do regular world stuff but with a friendly pal #it's always a good exercise for “how well do you know this character: which pokemon would they choose?” #yeah it brings me joy. i like the little funny creatures. #anyway sylvie DEFINITELY would have a weavile. #pokemon #juni rambles